#I think generally women are taken for granted once they are ALREADY in a relationship

[francesderwent]

WAIT OK SORRY IT'S SUPER LATE BUT you're losing me?

I will accept this late message because I love you, and because “You’re Losing Me” is exactly the song that my original text post complaining about Swifties missing the point was about haha 

the Swiftie lyric: “I wouldn’t marry me either a pathological people pleaser” and also to a lesser extent “I’m getting tired even for a phoenix always rising from the ashes”

the lyric we should be paying attention to: “who only wanted you to see her” and “lose something babe, risk something. choose something babe I’ve got nothing to believe unless you’re choosing me”

ugh the reaction to this song drives me up a wall. to pull out “I wouldn’t marry me either a pathological people-pleaser” WITHOUT finishing the line?? are you nuts??? because the end of the line gives us so much context!!! he’s not losing her because she wanted to make the whole place shimmer and he wanted to hide and found her people-pleasing ways annoying, no! he’s losing her because all she wanted, the only person at the end of the day that she wanted to please, was him. but actually the song keeps going, it tells us even more as Taylor does what she always does: gives very clear instructions of exactly what he needs to do to dig them out of this hole. and it’s not pay more attention to her, it’s choose her. she said in “Cruel Summer”, we say that we’ll just screw it up in these trying times, we’re not trying—and he’s STILL not. he won’t risk. but he can’t keep going on in this same way, floating in limbo forever. and so she has nothing to place her faith in, her faith that was always so strong. 

basically what it comes down to is this. the popular reception of this song I’ve seen is so focused on the one pathological people-pleaser line that it’s somehow spun an interpretation of the song as about falling out of love when you’re convinced you’re unlovable. it’s just a shade off from the “what a shame she’s fucked in the head” of “champagne problems”; the blame is turned inward, except for very brief moments where it looks out at him to spit specific accusations “I know my pain is such an imposition”, “don’t you ignore me I’m the best thing at this party” etc.  and I think that’s absolutely bullshit. “You’re Losing Me” is definitely not about pulling away and sabotaging the relationship, and it’s not even about someone doing a bunch of little hurtful things in the relationship. it’s about the relationship dying because one person won’t make a choice about what the relationship is and what it means. it’s Taylor giving the final word on the feminine experience of being taken for granted and strung along. it’s about waiting for someone to commit to you, and they never do. it’s about when you wanted to give everything, but your partner will only ever give a little, so you have to stop giving. to me, this is just clear. and I think the only reason that it hasn’t been taken note of is because the culture wants to go on believing that taking the “step” of living together while always keeping the back door open is somehow “good for the relationship”. but it isn’t. it’s not the familiar violence of being left, “this thing was a masterpiece til you tore it all up”, but it is just as destructive. it just kills you slowly. 

[rebrandedbard]

hey srry if this question makes you uncomfy or anything, but what are your thoughts on geraskefer and the other ships between the three?

Oh it isn't uncomfortable at all! In fact, this is a perfect example of polite interest and ask etiquette. You're asking about a subject I've blogged about and shown interest in, and in a very polite manner. I'm over-explaining this so as to comfort you and encourage future asks, my dear good nonny.

Since TWN season 2, I've loved geraskefer. Season two shifted all their dynamics in very interesting ways. I will elaborate:

Yennskier

That scene in the pub and later in the boat between Jaskier and Yennefer converted me. I LOVED their vibe in season 2, and what little we had in season 3 with them was delightful. I love them having this banter-heavy dialogue, this playful "I tooootally find you annoying" best bitchy friends attitude (exaggerated, of course, for fun in fandom). They really do have each other's best interests at heart. They care. And to have them be together without the involvement of Geralt is very nice, even if he is a large part of why they would come together in any circumstance. But seeing the trust between them grow and to see how they need and rely on one another is so compelling. Drinking buddies <3 and I need them to kiss.

Yenralt

Canon and a power couple. Divorced parents trying to get back together. A good contrast. The tension of knowing your love may be influenced by magic has a kind of tragedy. However, I need them to interact more outside of sex and talking about the wish. The opening of season 3 where we saw them as a family made me actually like them as a couple. I need them to be friends before I can ship them, and season 3 went a LONG way to making that happen. They've slowed down enough to actually get to know one another, and I look forward to seeing more of it.

Geraskier

The OG. The OTP. The reason like 99% of you are likely on this blog. Besties with romantic tension. The bants. The sass. The friendship and deep understanding at the core of who they are and how they interact. The ride or die. The tragedy of having it all thrown in your face and made insignificant in a moment of weakness. The desperation to repair what was once taken for granted. The choice to put in the work to repair what was lost. The honesty that comes with it. The fact that I am a gay (technically bi, like 85% men 15% women-ish whatever I'm gay I don't do math). These are what I find so compelling about the two.

Geraskefer

All of the above with a healthy dose of tension, confusion, pining, despair, and an ending in which finally, just this once, everyone gets exactly what they want, and it's okay to have it. The healing. The appreciation for one another. All the fear gone and all the love spoken. The bisexual dream. Jaskier is the glue. And I want them to FIGHT over him before they all get together. THE ship that makes me actually think polyamory would be THE best conclusion. They're already family regardless and I will cling to that. It's a main FOUR. Those three are equals in this unit.

I hope that answers things for you! In conclusion, I love all the variations. Generally speaking, I rank them by favorite as geraskier, geraskefer, yennskier, yenralt. The more Jaskier in the relationship, the better.

[variousqueerthings]

@le-red-queen hey listen, listen imagine you’ve only seen s1-3 and you’ve got a six month wait to s4.

IN DEFENSE OF ONCE UPON A TIME READING JOHNNY AS BI (AND NOW READING HIM AS GAY)...

you’re waiting for season 4 and you’re thinking, “okay johnny genuinely seems to want to be in a relationship with a woman, so presumably in s4 we’re going to see how that relationship works, because he’s been in (granted failed) relationships in the past and is trying to get into a relationship/going on dates now and yeah, it makes sense he’d think of carmen, because she’s sweet and he wants the best for her and he already gets on well with her son, and sure maybe “I love you” is a bit extreme (especially since he’s also just been wondering if he maybe should give it a go with his ex from highschool who popped up in town again), but he hasn’t dated in awhile and he’s not very emotionally developed, the point is, the point! Is! That! he’ll actually be dating carmen in s4 (the first woman we’ve actually seen him in a relationship with in canon -- ali and shannon were already in the past when we met them -- and shannon appears to be the only “proper” relationship he’s had as an adult and it went... you know...)

so we’ll see the natural progression of:

man goes on some dates with various women and then he and his neighbour think “hey this could be something” to exploring what that “something looks like -- in s3 we even got that cute double-date with daniel and amanda, where she teaches him some dance moves (genuinely Cute, actually gets carmen out of the house!).

BUT THEN IN SEASON FOUR WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS

IS THAT HE COMPLETELY CHECKS OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP

HE TANKS HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HER SON BECAUSE THE WAY HE VALUED THE RELATIONSHIP WITH SAID SON HAS NOW BEEN CONFUSED WITH HIS ROLE AS “ALSO ROMANTIC PARTNER OF THIS KID’S MOTHER”

AND HE DOES! NOT! ACT! LIKE A ROMANTIC PARTNER! NOT EVEN A BAD/INCONSIDERATE/EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE ROMANTIC PARTNER! HE’S NOT PRESENT! HE’S FUCKING IT UP WITH THIS KID AND HE’S FUCKING IT UP WITH CARMEN

and you know why?

because he’s so obsessed with this other guy who has low/highkey been on his mind since highschool and THEIR changing relationship is taking up so much more of his brain space (and he WANTS it to, to be clear -- he doesn’t know he wants it to, but he sure does think about it day and night)

he’s not trying to be mean to this lovely woman, but getting into a relationship with her made the ideal of Being In A Relationship With A Woman a reality and he just

doesn’t engage with that reality

instead he engages (mentally, physically, emotionally) with the relationship with this other man -- both when it works (the two of them training together, making dinner together, training each other, the reconciliation end s4, etc) and when it doesn’t (what should we tell the kids? the daniel and johnny re-match, the training to beat him at the all-valley, etc). This is the relationship that he cares about in s4 -- not because he’s trying to be mean, but he’s just not very self-aware of what it is his body does/drives him towards

and on top of that the sheer amount of mentions of men, idolations of men, and general sense of his focus on masculinity is taken to 1000

and just to give it an extra push, we get an in-your-face scene of him being unable to have sex with this lovely woman (which I am now obsessed with calling the “noble look of suffering” or “the Joan of Arc look” thank you @bobakick and @nomercyonlytears and @libertinepast and @dull-c) because of all of the above

so look, yes s1-3 I figured “I can read this guy as bi,” and did so during the break between s3 and s4

but when s4 dropped, everything before then was put into a whole new context in my (and I think some others) brain

LAST THING: billy even called the relationship between daniel and johnny in s4 a “shotgun vegas wedding” (paraphrasing) so reading in that romantic connotation to their interactions is very near the surface/intentional

TL;DR s1-3 suggests an ongoing narrative of johnny being in some way interested in women, and particularly carmen, as a way of furthering his character development, but season 4 gave all the romantic context (and arguably sexual context) to his perception of men generally and daniel specifically

[writingwithcolor]

Desexualized Mammy & Strong Black Woman, too busy for “frivolous love”

“Alyse” (Anon Submission) asked:

My science fiction story includes a black woman (Talia) who raises two children that aren’t her own and takes on two young adults as apprentices. One of the children she is raises has Arabic background and was taken into her home upon his father’s death (his mother’s whereabouts are unknown). She was a close friend of his father and the closest thing he had to a relative. The second child has mixed French-Latinx background and was taken in after becoming shipwrecked with no means by which to contact her people. Talia was the first non-hostile individual she encountered and one of the few who would so openly embrace a stranger. Since Talia is Master Medic (the highest medical authority in her community) she is training two apprentices (think residency) and eventually mentors the second child as well. She was once married and passionately in love but lost her husband to illness. In this setting, some technology we take for granted is inaccessible and violence against their people is commonplace. Most have experienced sudden loss. This particular loss was the catalyst that drove Talia into medicine- a desire to protect her loved ones and prevent others from experiencing similar tragedy. She is usually kind (though businesslike) but sometimes succumbs to a frigid, furious depression when, despite all her knowledge and determination, she can’t save someone. 

I worry that her maternal association with the two children (one of whom is an outsider) mires her in the mammy trope. On top of that, she hasn’t pursued romance since the death of her husband. I’ve considered giving her a romantic subplot but there are already so many characters to keep track of. Furthermore, I just can’t see her engaging in the frivolous pursuits of new love when she’s dealing with kids, students, and an extremely taxing career. 

In terms of race and culture in this story, practically every character can trace their ancestry back to populations displaced through war. Even Talia’s second child was shipwrecked during a botched evacuation from a military science lab. The people who live here have been isolated for generations and no longer have a real concept of their ancestry. Cultures have blended, new religions have formed, and many of our familiar racial/ethnic issues are forgotten. However, new and different but equally toxic ones have replaced them. In this way, Talia’s blackness doesn’t carry the same associations in her world as it would in ours. However, readers may still make these associations. Do you see any issues with her character that I could amend? 

So! You have:

A highly educated Black-coded woman (the highest medical authority in the community)

She raises two kids alone 

She also looks after two apprentices

She is widowed (not sure the race of the husband, was he Black?)

Having experienced heartbreaking love, Talia's drive to look after, protect and save people through medicine is a great motivation for the way she is. Her experiencing depression and taking losses seriously is also very human and is dynamic characterization. 

However, such characterization with Black women is prone to brush across several tropes. You have a Black woman who gives and protects, but what does she get in return? Who cares for her? 

Prioritize your Black character’s happiness

"I’ve considered giving her a romantic subplot but there are already so many characters to keep track of. Furthermore, I just can’t see her engaging in the frivolous pursuits of new love when she’s dealing with kids, students, and an extremely taxing career." 

Priorities, priorities. Is love a frivolous pursuit in her eyes, or yours? Because I strongly disagree. You probably don't mean to but you, as the author, having an excuse to NOT give the Black woman romance is showing that you do not think she's worth being loved. TV viewers and stans who are uncomfortable when Black women characters have relationships find similar excuses to explain away not wanting BW in relationships.

"She's too strong and independent for a man/relationship" 

"I liked her better alone." 

"It'll take away from her character."

“A romance doesn’t feel right for her”

These sorts of statements above are grounded in racialized misogyny. 

Relationships do not lessen the woman.

Relationships does not lessen Black women. 

Love

Whether that love is romantic, familial, or friendship, it can come in many forms. Give Talia love. Because Black women characters deserve it! Either one or all! 

Let her have a loyal best friend, a cat, and a girlfriend. Because why not? And not to downplay the love of children to parents, but please provide her love beyond what she gets on a maternal level from the children she looks after. 

The stories that Black women are in today severely lack love for us, so why add to the narrative of Black women being all work and no play, and too [insert excuse here] to be loved? 

Of course, you didn't provide all the details from your story, but I'm not seeing much of a balance from the struggle. She is a caretaker, teacher, doctor (or doctor-like figure). 

Her position and background in itself is okay. It's the Strong Black Woman being presented with seemingly no commentary that strikes me. 

Where is her team to help balance the weight of the world? 

Who takes care of her when she's depressed from another loss? 

What does she get in return from taking an emotional and physical toll to heal her community? 

Do those around her recognize all she does for them and offer their friendship? 

When does she get to relax and turn off the need to be everything for everybody?

Fitting love into a book with many characters

There are many books with several characters to keep track of. People tend to manage. Also, I'm sure some of those characters are in and/or out of relationships. Even stories that couldn’t be classified as romances have relationships of some sort. It’s unrealistic to have a ton of characters and none of them be in relationship(s) of some sort. Not when there’s so many forms of it and many sexualities. 

Friends, frenemies, enemies, romance, affairs.. Relationships make stories (and life) interesting. By no means do I think adding these dynamics harm your tale. And what’s one more for a hard-working Black woman who sacrifices a lot and clearly deserves a shoulder to lean on? And, if you use an existing character to be that friend, family, or lover, then you won’t need to pencil in another character.

For romance specifically - I think a misconception when it comes to including romance in stories is that they have to somehow take over the story. Romance does not have to bombard the plot nor be described in lavish detail. Not every story is a romance and those sort of details aren’t everyone’s style or things they’re comfortable with. A sentence or two establishing relationships does not take away from the story.And how those relationships look and affections expressed will vary based on the characters, sexuality, etc.

Not every character needs to have a deep level of detail. 

“Katie and Lisa, a newly engaged couple, walked into the meeting.”

“Jack and Jamie are a married couple in their 40s.” 

“The two met in college. After two months of blissful courtship, they eloped, eager to start their happily ever afters. Twenty years together, they were still blissfully in love and never too far from one another.”

Sentences like the above are enough for some characters. You don’t always need to put in paragraphs worth of relationship-establishing details or plot. 

When it comes to the characters whose love you would like to highlight, at least a bit, you still don’t have to go over the top.

Use subtle details. 

“As soon as Talia’s back was turned, he gave her a longing look before shaking his head and getting back to the patient.”

“He squeezed her hand before taking hold of the stethoscope.”

“She kissed her wife goodbye before racing out the door.”

“You mean the world to me.” he had said, holding her face. Those words stayed with her all day, making her heavy load light as a sack of feathers.

“She soaked his shirt with her tears and he just held her tight, saying nothing, silently holding her together.”

As for Talia specifically…

Talia having the mindset you described, as love being frivolous and not a priority, is understandable knowing her background (I just don't agree with you as the creator using this as a means to keep her alone. Whether she’s romantically alone or without close friendships). She has lost so much, and continues to experience loss with patients. This can be extremely traumatizing. I gave some examples of being subtle, so perhaps that will help with the burden of feeling a thick subplot of romance doesn’t fit in your story. 

And as Talia doesn’t strike me as someone who would go looking for companionship, what if she stumbles upon it without trying? Is there someone on the medical team that can offer her friendship? Someone who admires her and feels the urge to care for her that she feels the same for, or has pushed feelings down for? What happens when she can’t hold those feelings down anymore?

Takeaway

Talia deserves healthy love, even if she doesn’t believe it or feel she has time for it. That love can come in any and many forms, not necessarily romantically required, although it is a plus. A struggle-ridden novel is balanced by love, support and rest for characters that hold the weight of the world. If you do not, evaluate why you want to write Black characters in these struggle roles without at least a social commentary. 

~Mod Colette

[zuko-always-lies]

Why Azula Staying a Villain Will Only Lead To Bad Stories[anon submission by justanotherthrowaway1950]

People say that Azula should stay a villain usually do to some combo of the following: she was born evil; her mental illnesses are untreatable (especially in her time); it would cheapen the redemption arcs we have already seen; she exists only to be a foil to Zuko; she needs to remain a villain to show what would have happened if Zuko had everything he wanted at the start of the show (and why what Zuko wanted at start was ultimately bad); and that she is better as a villain. But regardless of all that, I think the best reason against keeping Azula a villain is that we have already seen what Bryke will do if they keep Azula a villain.

Illogical power buffs despite spending two years in captivity to the point one could make a credible argument that she is the strongest non-Avatar, non-bloodbender, and non-sprit fused character in the franchise.

Shoddily relying on vaguely alluded to asylum abuse (and a word of god statement) to justify one of the smartest and cunning characters in the franchise engaging in several half-baked plots that don't really seem to further any of her goals or help her satisfy any of her desires.

Giving her Gaang-tier asylum inmates to serve as her new hench-women, either because they are scared of her and/or being manipulated, which doesn't make sense since she no longer has any political power and thus they can ignore her once she breaks them out. Not to mention she doesn't seem to have regained all of her mental faculties (ex. her Mochi rant during Smoke and Shadow and how her eyes bulge out like crazy!Azula in The Search at the end of the rant). 

Or because she became non-ironic friends with them, which doesn't make sense since Azula during her time in the asylum was clearly not in the mental state to take care of herself, let alone make friends not relying on her status or fear-mongering. Especially when The Search has Azula blame "Ursa" for making Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee stop fearing her, heavily implying Azula still thinks fear is a good way to maintain relationships. Not to mention two of them almost killing Aang after incapacitating him if it wasn't for his plot shield granted by LoK (he needs to die as a 66 year old man so he can reincarnate into Korra).

But most galling, how everyone starts acting stupid and incompetent (and thus denigrating them and their arcs/character growth) whenever Azula is involved so Azula can remain a credible threat despite The Gaang all being masters in their respective fields and having the resources of several nation-states at their beck and call plus a PMC (The White Lotus).

Like when Azula burned all those letters, how come Zuko didn't order his guards to pat her down?

When Azula escaped into The Forgetful Forest and Zuko said he tried, does that mean Azula managed to evaded an Avatar State power seismic sense? Or that she evaded June's shushu? Did Zuko call Toph or The White Lotus to help him capture one of the biggest threats to his throne and world peace? And so, what does it say about them that a mentally broken Azula still managed to evade them?

How was she able to break out six girls from her old asylum without Zuko finding out? Moreover, how come Zuko, or anyone for that matter, never asked any of the asylum workers what Azula was hallucinating about? For if they did, maybe Zuko wouldn't have taken Azula to find her literal trigger warning and put his beloved mother (and her family) in danger. In addition, how come no one asked Azula who "she" was?

But I admit all of the above this assumes Azula was getting relatively modern treatment and that anyone cared about her mental health, which doesn't seem to be the case. I don't blame them (I don't believe abuse victims have to help their abusers and nor do I believe that the oppressed have to help their oppressors) but still, are they world leaders who have been proven to be highly competent in the past when dealing with sensitive issues? So what changed? 

How come Ukano was willing to work with Azula to restore Ozai for the sake of his nation and family when not only is Fire Lord Zuko indebted to him for life due to Mai saving him at The Boiling Rock (not to mention Zuko offering him a job when his governorship disappeared after Bumi retook Omashu), but also when one of the first things Ozai would do after taking back power is killing Mai for her treason (imo, it is clear that after Zuko's defection, the only punishment for treason was death, with no chance for life in prison like Iroh had)?

How come The Gaang plus Zuko don't spend every waking moment after Smoke and Shadow hunting down Azula when she has made it clear with her actions (engaging in mass kidnapping with her own terrorist group and manipulating other terrorists groups to serve her ends) that she would do anything to turn Zuko into a tyrant? Especially considering this the same person who conquered Ba Sing Se as a 14 year old with just two childhood friends and her brother and thus her threat to Zuko at the end of Smoke and Shadow is anything but hollow?

For doesn't The Gaang have a responsibility to ensure that the fragile peace they have built remains? Especially when it is mostly their fault that Azula got free and that it is their general incompetence that allows Azula to remain free and a threat?

But on a more serious note, the biggest issue with Azula's character, or the comics in general, is LoK. For thanks to LoK, we know everything ends up being ok and that Zuko has a long and prosperous reign.

Thus, LoK hamstrings' Bryke's story choices; for example, if I told you that at one point Azula would escape after being cruelly locked in an asylum for two years due to being a madwomen and that she had become the GOAT fire-bender (her lighting manipulation and smoke generation put her in a different tier from everyone else imo) and H2H fighter in ATLA, you would assume that Azula would be leading a plot to overthrow Zuko and eliminate everyone in her way along with everyone who betrayed her en route to restoring the old regime. But instead we get Joker!Azula whose "true destiny" is to make Zuko have one day bad so he'll turn out like her even though the audience knows thanks to LoK she'll never succeed, making the whole thing a waste of time for the reader. And now Bryke wants to write more stories for Aang's time?!

IMO, unless they retcon LoK and/or the comics, it appears the stories they can tell will be lackluster for the reasons I already articulated. But who knows, I might be completely wrong (and boy do I hope so).

-Submitted by justanotherthrowaway1950

I think you raise some excellent points. The comics do no character any favors. Joker villains tend to be incredibly stupid and boring, and turning Azula into one of them while ignoring all of her canon motivations was beyond stupid. And you're right, if Azula is still trying to involve herself in politics in order to further Fire imperialism, she should be remaking the world in the process and continuing to be an active threat. She has the power to single-handily destroy the entire post-war order, and the Gaang should be acting like she does, not fucking off to their own lives and ignoring the problem.

Ironically enough, there's an argument to be made based on LoK that Zuko largely turns into the same sort of tyrant his father was, just acting for a different cause. But apparently Bryke see nothing wrong with extrajudicially locking people up forever in torture prisons designed to just barely keep people alive.

The one point I would like to make is that I haven't heard any evidence that Bryke are actually interested in doing more stories in Aang's time. Avatar Studios has said nothing to that effect. Ironically, their involvement with the comics might prevent them from doing more damage there, because they would almost certainly have to retcon the comics in order to tell a story post-war and they might be reluctant to do so. The other thing is that they had an opportunity to do a story in this time period in the past, and instead chose to do LoK.

[buckyownsmylife]

daddy issues - chapter xii

The one where Ransom doesn’t feel ready to become a father, but he should have thought about it before sleeping with a complete stranger.

When Ransom’s latest one night stand lets him know that he’s going to become a father, he finds himself looking for the qualities he never believed to have so he can become the parent he never got to witness as a child.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

We had been tucked in for the night for a long time when I felt Ransom’s body twisting and turning in bed. I was almost asleep already, so I didn’t even process it until his arm curled over my body, hand resting over my grown belly to pull me closer to him.

The proximity woke me up a bit in surprise, but then the warmth of his body started to lull me back to slumber, only for him to huff and turn around, leaving me alone once more.

“Huh? No, don’t go…” I whined, blindly reaching behind me in search of the comfort he had provided until his hand caught mine and raised it to his lips so he could kiss my palm.

“You awake?” He whispered, and something in his tone felt almost urgent, instantly wiping the sleepiness from my eyes. I sat up, rubbing them so I could completely focus, worried about the man beside me all of a sudden.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Ransom mirrored my movements, also sitting up in bed before turning his body to face mine. He stayed quiet for a while, seemingly thinking over his words before sighing.

“You don’t want to date me, that’s fine.” The sudden affirmation felt like a punch to the stomach, especially after the night we had shared. Thankfully, he wasn’t done talking and what he said next made it pretty clear where his head was at.

“Move in with me.” It was a breathy suggestion, a blurted-out invitation, but it was obvious that he had thought about this for a while. “These past few days at your parents’ house were incredible. I was able to see so much, be around for so much.”

His eyes fell to my exposed stomach - I didn’t really have any nightwear that was appropriate for my pregnancy, but all the nights we spent together in this bed, he didn’t seem to mind. “I- I want to be able to help you when you want chocolate again.” He chukled. “Please?”

It was silent in the room while I tried to come to terms with what he had asked of me. It’s not that I didn’t like it, I just hadn’t anticipated it at all. It honestly caught me by surprise, so it took me a while to be able to answer.

“Okay.” It was almost frightening, the way my heart warmed at the huge grin that split open Ransom’s face as his eyebrows shot up in surprise. But it reminded me that I had to establish some boundaries straight away.

“Really?” His difficulty to believe it was endearing, as the reasoning he used to try to get me to accept his proposition. He had every right to want to be around for more, be a more active part of the experience of getting his child into the world, as I had the right to keep some boundaries to make me feel comfortable with the entire experience.

But he really had been making the most of it during our trip. And in the time I’d allowed him to dip his feet in the waters of parenthood - or the part of parenthood that involved taking care of me while I was pregnant - he really had rose up to the challenge.

I trusted him a lot more now - enough to grant him even more space to grow and enjoy this experience alongside me.

I couldn’t stop myself from leaning over and depositing a quick kiss on his lips, staying there to brush them with mine for a while longer as I gathered the courage to talk about something I didn’t really want to - particularly after the impromptu kiss.

“Yes, really. I want your help with chocolate too, I’ve been trying to keep my desires at bay for too long,” I jokingly huffed, making an act out of rolling my eyes.

“Have you?” The question had me laughing, and his laughter soon joined mine. It really was no secret how often I had asked him to go buy food for me, and he always did so diligently, with no complaints. So to say that I’d been holding back could only really be seen as a joke.

I wasn’t talking about that though. There was a different type of craving, a specific type of hunger that I hadn’t been able to satiate before this trip, and as much as I didn’t want to voice it and make this the permanent arrangement he was hoping to get out of me, I was happy to have a way to take care of it.

There was just one little thing.

“I do have one condition, though.” That had the amusement disappearing from his eyes quickly, and he straightened out to listen to me with a serious expression I hadn’t expected Ransom Drysdale to be able to pull off when we first met.

“I- You- I’m sorry, Ransom, but I really don’t want to have to deal with you bringing girls home all the time. You can date all you want, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t want to have to share a roof with your one-night stands.” I watched him blink a few times, his hand that was holding mine suddenly freezing as he took in my words and I waited with bated breath.

I knew I was handing him the conditions to negotiate what he insisted he wanted on a silver platter, but I wasn’t ready for that. And I knew he had every right to turn the table on me and make it clear that, if I wasn’t going to give in and get in a relationship with him, I had no right to limit how and where he got involved with the women he dated - not on his own house.

But Ransom really must have grown because all I got was a firm nod - a firm, decided nod.

“I’m okay with that.”

I let out the breath I was holding, closing my eyes momentarily as I thanked the stars, the universe for this outcome. Finally allowing myself to relax again, I laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling in quiet contemplation as Ransom observed me until he decided to join.

I’d never been a fan of the quiet. As a lawyer, I knew its importance, the role it played in getting people to reveal their deepest, darkest secrets - or at least their pressing concerns. So I had the ability to anticipate that, stop myself from spilling out too much and reveal yet another part of my soul to a person who could very well take it and ruin it… but I didn’t.

I remembered that night in his car, when I let him catch a glimpse of what was going through my head, how this whole situation was very much affecting me because of its unusualness. I remembered how relieved he felt at seeing through my mask, if only for a second. So I decided to, just for once, take it off entirely.

“I’m glad you asked me to move in,” I interrupted the silence that had taken over the room. My eyes kept fixated on the ceiling lamp - the same ceiling lamp I’d stared at for so many years, so many moments of teenage angst, never imagining one day I’d do the same next to the father of my child. “I... It makes me feel… protected.”

Ransom’s body rolled to the side, now fully turned to stare at me. His arms were under his head, I could feel his eyes burning my skin. “Ransom…” I breathed out, still trying to think about what I was going to say, thinking of talking myself out of it. Should I really say it? Should I really be this vulnerable in front of a guy who seemed to hate it? “… I’m terrified.”

There. I said it. And in the silence that followed, I felt incredibly comforted by the weight of his head as it fell on my chest, his arms embracing me tightly against his body.

“I’m so happy that we can be terrified together now.”

I hid my laughter on his shoulder, kissing it softly before letting my head fall back against the pillow. My nails absentmindedly drew patterns across Ransom’s back, my mind taking flight as I began to think I’d fall asleep again. Once more, his voice resonated around the room, “So, how do you think we’ll do this?”

It took me a while to understand what he meant, and I didn’t stop caressing him while I thought.

“You mean… co-parenting?” My only response was a soft hum, murmured against my skin. The edges of my lips curled up, fascinated by the idea of Ransom Drysdale anxiously starting to plan something that was still months away from becoming a problem (if it ever would).

“We’ll learn on the job,” I assured him because really, it’s the only thing I could do and say. I was just as anxious, just as inexperienced on the subject as he was. But the thought that now I could be anxious and inexperienced by his side consoled me to no end. “Right now, I’m more worried about how we’ll be as roommates.”

“I just assumed you’d treat me as your personal butler,” he joked. Once again, it was exactly what I needed to break the intensity of the moment, and his entire body began to shake as I broke down in a fit of giggles underneath him.

“You know me so well, already,” I teased, feeling him relax against me once more, lulling me to sleep alongside him and fall in a blissful dream I never wanted to wake up from.

[thevirgodoll]

hi, im 16! I worry way too much about others opinions. This is clearly stopping me from doing what i really want. I need advice for self love, self confidence... What would you say to your younger self ? ☺️

Hey love, 

1. Get to know yourself authentically.

Getting to know yourself is a lifelong experience, and it starts to take shape from the age you’re at. Begin to visualize what you want for yourself. Begin to connect with yourself - via past times/hobbies (writing, dancing, painting, singing, etc). If you have hobbies, you’ll be so busy with yourself that you won’t really think about others.

Ask yourself: “What does being me look like? What do I love to do? Where do I see my life going?” 

Journaling helps you think this through, I always recommend this to people. You can reflect on where you are in life, and where you want to go. You can set your intentions and it helps you tremendously. The universe will reward you once you begin setting your intentions with yourself. You can physically journal in a cute lil’ notebook, or digitally on journaling apps - such as Day One app. Day One can go on your Macbook and your phone. I use both physical and digital.

You can also make vision boards of the type of life you want to have - a YOU vision board, print out what the best life and your future looks like to you! Add high value women on the board that you would emulate, such as Beyoncé or Rihanna. Make it cute. Or if you are more digital, make one on Google Slides and get pictures from Pinterest, or create a private board on Pinterest. 

2. Create boundaries.

Once you get to know yourself, you will realize what you will tolerate as far as people you encounter. When you don’t have healthy boundaries, you are susceptible to always thinking about what people think, and you get taken for granted. The advantages of boundaries are stable mental and emotional health, developing autonomy, growing an identity with yourself, and nurturing self love.

You have to always ask yourself:

“Is this person adding value to my life? Do they respect my boundaries?”

You cannot allow your boundaries to be violated. There are no exceptions to this rule, because if you do make any, it violates the relationship you are building with yourself, and that is a lifelong relationship. I say don’t give people second chances, because they will use it to take advantage of you. 

Be clear about YOUR boundaries and don’t ACCEPT disrespect.  Core Personal Boundaries I Live By:

-Valuing your own feelings. You do not owe anyone an apology for how you feel. It is your own job to monitor how you feel and how others make you feel. You don’t owe anyone anything, but you owe yourself validation. I will not value other opinions over my own. i will not anticipate what other people are thinking or needing.

-Never oversharing with someone. Maintaining a semblance of privacy, because your life is your own and people can plot on your goals. Do not share too much of everything.

I will not overshare my goals and desires with someone. I will not speak about my personal problems with everyone.

I will not share every detail of my life.

-Knowing your personal needs and communicating them. If you need to defend yourself, communicate such. If someone is hurting you and they’re supposed to be your friend, be direct. Protect your emotional space ALWAYS. Never compromise this for other people.

I will take responsibility for my own emotions and needs, always.

I will protect myself.

-Not wasting time on social media when you’re bored. Instead, work on your hobbies, journaling, etcetera. When developing your self love and confidence, wasting so much time on Instagram for example is not going to help you. You have to focus on yourself.

I will put more time into myself everyday, rather than social media.

I will not waste time on social media.

-Never accepting less than mutual friendships and relationships. Once someone has proven themselves to be fake, do not accept this. Once someone has proven that they don’t care about you, do not accept this. Only tolerate what you deserve. If they give any less, remove yourself quietly from the situation and move on. 

I will not tolerate toxic friendships or relationships. I will always remove myself from any situation that is not good for me. 

I will know and understand what I deserve, and I will not accept less than what I deserve.

-Avoid people who are negative. If you are hanging out with negative individuals, they will infiltrate your life and wreck your mindset. If someone is always complaining, always jealous of you, always criticizing, and isn’t going the direction you’re going, again, no remorse. Don’t allow it.

I will not have a friend circle of negative, jealous people.

I will always put energy into people who put positive energy into me.

The reason why I am so sure of myself and sure of my dynamics in my life is because I have strong boundaries with myself and others. Setting them may feel weird or wrong at first, but this is so important and it saves you so much heartache. 

3. Reinvent yourself.

Ask yourself: What does the new me look like?

Confidence is all about how you command yourself. I have already said the following things on my blog on my posts about confidence, which you can find here: confidence.

Start thinking like you are the most important thing in the world, because you are. Begin working on your posture when you walk in a room. Wear outfits that make YOU feel good. They don’t have to be what anyone else says but you! 

If not, you need to make sure you have routines dedicated to yourself. A routine day and night including your skincare/hygiene, saying 3 things you know to be true about yourself in the mirror (I am beautiful, I am blessed, I am blossoming) say those every single day, meditation and yoga, some tea, and your journaling like I said. Every. Day. Do not slack.

Have a pampering/self love routine: hair is on point, nails are on point, makeup is on point. Body is on point: bubble baths/relaxing showers, lathered in cocoa/shea butter after, and perfume. At night, have a cute robe, cute slippers, cute pajamas. Go to the gym some days, or just do workouts at home, or stick to the yoga, as it does make you sweat with certain poses.

4. Foster independence and don’t look back. 

Being your own best friend is the most important lesson to learn in life. You have to begin to develop your autonomy from now to the rest of your life. Be more independent, make sure you are fixing your own problems and not involving everybody and their mama, learn to rely on you, and manifest opportunities and goals on your own time without involving everyone so heavily. In a generation where everyone is so interconnected via cell phones, you will stand out because you are confident, independent, and focused on you. You can have fun with other people, but the difference will show when you only engage with high value individuals. Make sure you’re productive: studying or working, and make sure you understand the days where you need to relax and resort to serious pampering. 

This will begin your journey to self love and confidence, and not worrying about everybody else!

[freddyjoncs]

fox e. jones — ❝  Nobody move, there's blood on the floor and I can't find my heart ❞

full name: fox everett jones

city of birth: manhattan, new york.

date of birth: august 25.

zodiac sign: virgo

parents: fred and daphne jones

siblings: january jones

sexuality: bisexual

nicknames: n/a

face claim: manu rios ( voice: ryan philippe )

personality.

+, natural-born leader, calculating, collected -, cruel, arrogant, self-loathing

the bio below touches on many triggering topics. reader discretion is advised. *

background information.

fox jones is the perfect mix of foolish daydreams starring bad boys with twisted smiles and wicked laughs and old-style shotguns and nectar-burnt lungs. on the outside he’s presents the perfect image. one that the jones could be proud of. a golden son that daphne could dote on and a son to take the mantle of mystery inc from freddy as time had passed. To the outside world Fox is perfect but it’s far from the truth. Below the surface there’s a hurt person. someone who chooses to inflict pain on others to silence his own.

fox was born into the world of the underground crime scene. his father was a powerful mob boss in the streets of new york by night and a powerful lawyer by day. the graves his father had filled were unmatched. from young age fox was taught that people were disposable. they were just pawns to further yourself in the game of life. he was taught that he was disposable. his parents weren’t the kindest. his mother was a socialite by day, rubbing elbows with the high class women of society to get into their good graces ( and resources ) and at night she was just as awful and heartless as his father, pushing her kids past their limits and degrading them when failure struck. and the devil himself? well he had kids just to have a legacy. someone to do his biddings and maybe take over once he finally kicked the bucket. fox was just another one of his little pawns. if he didn’t live up to the expectation that were placed upon him there were plenty of others who could replace him. so fox worked hard to be the best, better than his brother and sisters. he refused to be thrown to the wayside. he was going to prove himself useless to his father one way or another.

in a way, fox believed if he was the best then his parents would pay attention to him. maybe they’d even love him. he’d be worth loving if he held value. 

he trained hard in martial arts & firearms. although, a knife was much more desirable to fox. he earned himself the name ‘lucky’ because whenever he was around deals ended in his father’s favor. which meant fox was kept around and closer. his siblings soon picked up on how their parents operated life as a business and progressed. they became just as deadly as fox. ruthless and terrifying. 

but fox? fox was pretty. a pretty bird that no one could ever be scared of. even with how deadly he was people would laugh whenever he entered the room of negotiations or interrogations. how could such an angelic face ever strike fear? he couldn’t -  not without a snide remark or a pass. so fox was put to use elsewhere. his skills and body were used in a way fox never imagined they would be but he did for the business. to be taken seriously and to be a good son in his father’s deck. i mean, his family had already taken advantage of him. why not others?

so he allowed himself to be used. if it meant it’d further his family’s success. his nickname still came through for his family time and time again every deal closing perfectly, and while the success was good it wasn’t enough for fox. he was tired of sitting being pretty with grabby hand old men who complained about their loveless marriages to their wives. he wanted to be part of it - not on the sidelines. 

he had overheard his father talking about a big deal that was going to take place in two days time. it was very much so a make it or break it moment for foxes family. it was also the perfect chance to show he was useful. if his plan went south and the deal failed it would end miserably but if it succeeded? Fox could only imagine the glory. he was able to pull a few strings to get himself into the door before his father. of course when fox stepped in he wasn’t taken seriously. why would they send in someone like him? Fox wasn’t as stupid as they dubbed him to be. he came to a drug deal with the goods to pay. the others decided to pull the tough gangster routine on him. insults were thrown and before they could pull the wool over fox’s eyes he had one upped them. they were all dead within seconds. underestimating fox was their biggest mistake. he was just about to finish off the big boss when a different gun shot off and killed the man before him. fox didn’t need to turn around to know it was his father holding the gun. he also didn’t need to turn around to know he was absolutely livid. 

the car ride home was silent, unsettling even. fox could only imagine how his father was going to reprimand him but when they stopped at a warehouse fox was left confused as to why they were brought here and not home. of course he was taught not to question so fox got out without a word. perhaps he should have questioned why they were here because before he knew it he felt a white hot pain on his back. He managed to get a small glimpse of his father beating him with a crowbar before all went black. He had gone against his father’s wishes and now he was paying for it. the fact he wasn’t dead was sympathy on it’s own but fox was left for dead in that warehouse. He didn’t know how long he was there for but after some time he mustered up enough course to try and seek out help.

wondering the streets of new york looking like he did wasn’t the smartest idea but it garnered the attention of fred jones. when asked if he was okay fox looked the man dead in the eyes and retorted ‘what do you think?’ and when asked if he had a home near by fox went silent.

he had no home anymore. no family. nothing. that alone was enough to have fred take him home. the man saw a lot of himself in the young boy before him: angry and afraid. fox protested and insisted he only stay a day or two until he figured something out. he didn’t need any handouts from strangers. even if they were wealthy strangers. but two days soon turned to a week, to five months and before he knew it fox was adopted into the jones family. it took him quite some time to adjust to a real family. fox was hesitant at first, brash and heinous towards them. it wasn’t until he spent alone time with daphne did fox feel like he belonged. there was no ploy, no gimmick, they actually cared for him. it was a feeling he wasn’t used to. he allowed himself to be loved and for the first time loved in returned. maybe not love, but he cared for the jones’ and saw them as his real family. it took some time but even his relationship with fred has come around. 

currently, fox is the new leader of the next generation of mystery inc. after spending time with his parents their love of the paranormal rubbed off on him. the fact fred wanted to pass the baton down to his son was a honor in it’s own. they trusted him. it’s not something fox took for granted. he also did modeling as well thanks to january. daphne’s love of fashion did indeed rub off on him. you’ll never catch him in a dull outfit. Compared to the life he used to live Fox was now in paradise. he was happy to let the old him die and be reborn into someone new. ( although the new him wasn’t so great either ). the last he heard of them it was that they were in jail. without his so called luck on their side they were finally caught but being incarcerated wasn’t enough for fox. no he wanted them to suffer the way they intended he did but that’s a whole bag of trauma fox refuses to acknowledge among other feelings he’s repressed. 

he was happy with his life, happy with his family and of course happy to make people miserable. his life was perfect until stefan mcqueen decided they would be friends. fox didn’t do friends but he found himself growing attached to the idiot. and of course when marcus teague decided to punch him in the face it left fox to develop something towards him. the anger and hatred he felt melted into something else. something that fox wishes would go away because he can’t like marcus.

let alone be in love with him.

but hey, it’s just another feeling getting shoved into a box never to see the light of day. 

social media.

[ latest tweet ] @foxjones: good morning [ image url ]

[ last outgoing text ] text to january god doesn’t respond why should i

[ most played song ] judas by lady gaga

connections.

mystery inc kids: he tolerates them. ( he loves them rly )

marcus teague: enemies to lovers tea

stefan mcqueen: they’re friends. he won’t admit it.

hadrian foxworth: actual enemy. hates him v much. memo to self to destroy him later

connections: hmu

his pinterest board // playlist

[stevenbasic]

”So, tell me how it went..!” Melissa asked, tucking her fit, bare legs underneath herself on the white leather couch in her new office, attentively turning to me as she sat up. She’d summoned me to her office to have our Friday coffee, and had made us each a cup. Dressed especially informal for our “casual Fridays” in a v-neck green tee and girlish black short-shorts, her figure was on particularly luscious display today and I’d already caught myself staring...twice. “I want to hear everything!”

She was, of course, talking about my long-overdue meeting with her friend Abby, a sales rep from Evolution, a local pharmaceutical company intent on getting my practice involved in a clinical trial of their new product. Melissa, since her start as our new Office Manager, had been unusually invested in setting up a meeting between the two of us; they’d been friends for years, I gathered, and this was a favor to Abby. Little did I know that this favor would quickly spiral into a whirlpool that would threaten to drag me under and drown not only me but...well, read on. 

I took a look into my “World’s Best Boss” mug - a gift from her. Far too much milk, I saw...but I think I was starting to like it that way. “Okay, uh,” I began, taking my first sip, “yesterday afternoon…”

...

…I had just escorted Mr. Kowalczyk to the desk, pushing him along in his wheelchair, helping him start to check out, when Aubrey had given me the message. 

“There’s a sales rep waiting for you in your office,” she told me, eyes sparkling. Aubrey - a slim, elegant brunette - had looked especially pretty yesterday, maybe done her hair differently. We were trying her out at her new position as front desk supervisor, and she already seemed to be taking to the job well. 

“The one from...uh...Melissa’s friend?” I asked, a bit confused, “Abby?” Mr Kowalczyk, hearing the name, asked about Melissa - as he had three times earlier. “She’s off today, she’s not here,” I reminded him, now for the fourth time today, as his wife appeared alongside us. Melissa had this Thursday off, apparently for some doctors’ appointments of her own. 

“Yes, Abby,” Aubrey answered, turning her attention, for the moment, to our patient’s wife, “Co-pay is ten dollars, Mrs Kawalski...”

“That’s Kowal-check,” the elderly woman corrected, narrowing her eyes and apparently none-too-pleased. 

“That wasn’t supposed to be until tomorrow,” I commented, immediately annoyed but feeling my pulse start to quicken, “I was going to sit down with her on Friday…”. I signed Mr. Kowalczyk’s prescription. 

“It got moved up,” Aubrey told me, taking a credit card from my patient’s wife, “she’s here now…”

Why was I so nervous?

“Thank you, Mrs. Kawasaki…”

...

“...yes, sorry, I should have told you myself,” Melissa apologized, biting her lower lip, after a sip of coffee, “but it was a last minute thing. And I was still at my appointment when I heard…”

“Well, yeah, it’s okay…” I replied, eyes dropping to her still-tan thighs as she brushed at them with well-manicured fingers, tips painted a mint green to match her top, “it was just a surprise, is al-“”

“Isn’t she so pretty..??” Melissa asked, and urged me to continue my story…

...

“Thank you sooooo much for meeting with me,” Abby had greeted, immediately standing up from the chair in front of my desk as I entered the room. She stepped to shake my hand, “I’m Abby, from Evolution Pharmaceuticals.”

“Sure, sure, no problem,” I replied, noticing the confidence in her grip and the dimples in her smile. I recognized her right away from a picture Melissa had sent, early on. Maybe in her early thirties, Abby was an attractive person; lots of sales reps are. My guard was up, as it always was in these sort of sales meetings, but something in the sparkle of her eyes struck me...and her figure was nothing to sneeze at, either. I found my attitude softening already. “Melissa’s friend, right?” She had medium-length, medium-brown hair, and a nice tan complexion. Nice hips.

I guess I could give her a few minutes.

“Yes!” she answered, as we both moved to take our seats. Abby was dressed smartly, in a grey pencil skirt and sharp white blouse. “She and I met at Evolution, at our clinic, earlier this year. She’s great, so fun...”

Wait what?

“I know you’re busy, so I won’t keep you,” Abby continued, tucking her skirt beneath herself as she sat, pulling some slick promotional material from the fashionable leather bag beside her, “but I just want to introduce our product, go over some of the opportunities with you…”

What followed was both the typical sales presentation I’d seen a hundred times from different reps and at the same time one of the weirdest things I’d ever heard. From the emails and propaganda with which the company had flooded me over the past weeks, I’d read - or at least skimmed through - lots of it before. They claimed to have developed a novel general-health supplement for women; the science was still sort of hush-hush and what they could reveal was frankly a bit baffling. Normally I wouldn’t touch this sort of crap with a ten-foot pole, it all sounded so fishy at first. They were touting ambiguous improvements in mentation, endurance, strength, a whole host of other things. But I didn’t want to disappoint Melissa and, well, while I knew that the “Lean In” grants we were scheduled to receive - and frankly were going to be dependent on - were tied to us supporting female-led businesses, it soon became clear to me in talking with Abby that, um...we almost didn’t have a choice. I was starting to get the feeling that if we didn’t start working with Evolution, there’d be no money from Lean In. And so, becoming nervous, I was slowly forced to pay a bit more attention as we sat across my desk from one another, ten minutes or so into it. I was beginning to realize...we actually needed them.

But I still definitely had my doubts, my reservations, a whole load of concerns. How safe was this going to be?  “And these patients,” I asked, “for the trial...the subjects. They would come from…?” It was a reasonable question. My practice was geriatric, and this was a product for younger women.

“We’d take care of that, we’d bring them in, we have a whole list of gir-...of women ready,” Abby assured me, her disarming smile doing its job, “We wouldn’t need to involve your current patients at all.” She watched me nodding, knowing she had made more than a bit of an inroad with me. “In fact, you wouldn’t even have to do much,” she continued, proceeding confidently, “we’d supply you with the new staff you’d need, we’d bring in all the supplies and equipment. We’d hook you up with our trial coordinator from corporate, she’ll organize everything. You’d just end up doing some video chats with her once in awhile.” At that Abby smiled strangely.  “Her name's Brenda, you’ll like her.”

“It all sounds, uh, umm…”

Sitting there, at my desk, part of me couldn’t believe I was even considering this, still even talking to this woman. That part of me, though, wasn’t seeing what another small part of me was seeing - that the power dynamic in this conversation, between Abby and I, had gradually shifted. It was her, now, who held the upper hand. She represented the money, she was the big player. I was really the small fish here.  The only thing that kept me from feeling like a nobody was knowing that my practice was somehow important to them, that they wanted me for some reason.

Why exactly was that?

“We’re a small company, but it’s not just money from Lean In that we come to the table with,” Abby continued, eyes sparkling, “we’d been bought a few years ago by a big, international group, so now we’re just ripe with resources. We can help you through tough times like you’ve been having, business down, income fading-.”

“Well, now,” I interjected, my pride rankled, “I wouldn’t say that…” I mean, I wouldn’t say it, but it was totally true. But how did she know all this?? Had she and Melissa been talking abou-

“Oh, shh, you don’t need to be embarrassed, it’s okay,” she said, “It’s nothing to be ashamed about, we understand. We know your practice is shrinking, but your needs are growing. And that’s why we’re growing too, so we can help nurture you, provide for you.”

This was humiliating as fuck but...why was I getting hard? Yes, Abby was attractive, blouse just a little too tight, chest just a little bigger than necessary. She was pretty, yes. No, actually...now with all the power in the room centered on her, with the strength she represented, she was downright hot. And the scenario she was laying out for me, this relationship I’d have with her big, female corporation? It felt positively...maternal. And, it was beginning to feel like a foregone conclusion, that I would be taken under their skirts. But again - why was I getting hard?

“Evolution will take good care of you,” Abby assured me, her voice growing subtly more tender, as if reading my thoughts, “and as we get bigger, and grow, we’ll carry you along with us. We can tuck you in to our...corporate structure. You’ll be safe, there, close to us.”

If I hadn’t noticed the outline of her bra beneath her blouse before, I was noticing it now. 

“Would you like that?” she asked, probingly. 

“Uhh…”

“We’d make sure you don’t get left behind, as the world changes,” she continued, “because the world is changing, Dr. J, and we think our product is going to help women succeed in it. Don’t you want to be there with us?”

“Uhhhh…”

Seeing my anxiety starting to get the better of me, Abby smiled disarmingly. “You probably need to talk to Melissa about it, before deciding on the trial,” she began again, “right?”

Oh my god I couldn’t believe it, how demeaning that was, but I knew it was my out - for now. ”yeah I guess I probably should…” I said, weakly…

“Of course you do…” Abby smiled. 

…

“So…<nnngh>...” Melissa all but groaned, inching closer to me on the couch, “you wanted my approval, first?” 

As I had recounted my story, described the meeting to her, Melissa had slowly, gradually, become visibly more excited, completely engaged. She’d asked me to repeat details, recount conversation, all the while gazing intently into my face and moving intimately closer to me on the soft leather couch in her office. Her curves, her larger body had me slowly retreating, backing up as best I could. An arm rested on the back of the couch behind me.

“w-well I, uh…” I stammered, eyes dropping again for a furtive glance at her thighs, hips, her tiny waist. I was, at this point, already overtaken by the scent of her perfume. “it’s uh-“ 

“It’s like you’re recognizing you need my help, isn’t it?” she asked, a strange huskiness in her voice, “Isn’t it?? That you have an easier time when I make the decisions for you??”

I couldn’t say anything, looking at her. I was tongue-tied realizing, in that moment, how assertive women now framed the borders of my life, affected my daily choices. And they were, if anything, all pushing me into the clutches of other powerful women. If I took this money, allowed this clinical trial to set root in my office, it would mean becoming dependent on both Evolution and Lean In. Lean In, I was learning, was a well-connected, obviously well-funded female empowerment organization, one that seemed determined to get women into places of influence and strengthen them while they’re there. And Evolution Pharmaceuticals was not just the rinky-dink pill pop-up that I’d assumed it was, but rather a small piece of some larger player...and maybe I’m just being paranoid, but probably also controlled by women. If I took this money, I felt like it would be sucking from the big collective teat of the country’s - and perhaps the world’s - most powerful alpha females.

“I, uh…” I began, forgetting where I was, “yeah…”

“Omigod I am SO happy with you right now..!!” she suddenly, finally gushed, sitting up taller, jumping towards me and abruptly throwing her arms around me. Strong hands behind my head now pulled my face to her chest. “You are such a good boss!”

“mmmrf!”

Embracing me to her bosom, she squealed, and hugged me tighter. Soft breast squashed into my face, my head plastered to Melissa's big left boob. 

Oh my god what is she doing?!? I panicked, arms flailing helplessly as I heard her start to laugh. Despite my struggles, she held me firm - if anything, holding me even tighter still. 

“M-m-m-Mulithhah!” I tried, voice muffled by the mushy mass mashed into my mouth. 

“Shhhhh…!” she giggled, “I can’t help myself, I need to hug you!” Pressing herself into me, she moaned in delight. “Hug hug hug! I need to show you what a good boy you are!!”

The warmth, the softness of her breast was overwhelming, and as she held me firm I - despite myself - started to calm, give myself up to her massive tit. “mmmmf…” I tried again, this time my complaint sounding more like a little sigh. 

She looked down at me, quietening down herself. When she spoke again, her voice had softened. 

“That okay, sweetie?” she purred, cupping my head from behind with one palm as the other moved into my hair, “Can you breathe down there?”

I groaned something, something in assent and - god help me - rubbed my nose into her.

She giggled.

“There you go…” she cooed,  now petting my head, “all good now, all good. Just breathe...” 

I sighed again, every breath I took full of her perfume, the scent of her skin. I heard, through her chest, her cooing little praises.

“Good boy...good boy…” she lauded, enveloping me with affection. She was peering down at me, I knew, though my eyes had closed already. I felt her ready herself, and winced in shame even before she asked me the question that I knew was coming:

”So, with the trial…” she asked, “what have we decided?”

=================================================

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[springday-aus]

SVT’s Jeonghan: Love, War and Everything Between || part one

—

Fic Piece Written by: Admin Grandma of @springday-aus​

Moodboard Link: Created by Admin Grandpa

Character Pairing: Y/N [fem. reader] and Seventeen’s Yoon Jeonghan

Other Characters: Nu’est’s Baekho [known as Dongho], Seventeen [Seungcheol and Jisoo, along with idiot squad!Soonyoung, Seokmin, and Seungkwan], and more to be added along the way!

Genre: historical, romance, drama, royal!au, arranged marriage!au + gender role reversal 

None of this is even remotely historically accurate. This is all purely fiction!

Type: series 

prologue || part 01 || part 02 || part 03 → to be available! check the progress on our upcoming page! 

Word Count: approx. 2.6k 

Plot Summary: Korea’s most distinguished military general arrives home, carrying back glory and honor from the war. However, the general has been revealed to be a woman! Due to the prominent military accomplishments you have made as the highest ranking general, by orders of the Empress, you are arranged to be married to the second-eldest prince, Yoon Jeonghan. Only one problem lies between you two: your reputation as a ruthless killing machine, which scares the living daylights out of your new husband. 

→ Inspired by: the Chinese drama, Oh My General (also known as The General Above I Am Below)

Warnings: graphic violence, glorified war, murder, sexual harassment, sex discrimination (mainly against women), poly-relationships (i.e. concubines), political corruption, and homosexual tendencies

It had taken six months for the final battle to commence, and three full years of ruthless war, before they finally conceded. Needless to say, the new recruits were lucky to be under your jurisdiction. Had they not, the body count would have been much higher. 

Your grip tightens on the rein of your horse, feeling the guilt and anguish wash over you once more of those who have fallen. While it is inevitable to lose soldiers in war, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less. 

You take a small breath in, calming yourself once more and settling back into the reality. 

The war had begun in the fall, whereas now, it is well into the summer season. You close your eyes, feeling the sun shine warmly on your skin. Taking another breath in, you open your eyes once more to take in the sights. 

White butterflies dance over the grass, teasing flowers as they move along. The flowers are in full bloom; even the dirt path, which was once wet and muddy, has patches of grass that pop out from the cracks. While you have traveled to many areas, you were never able to take in the sights—well, at least, the less violent ones. 

Ah, war. Politicians may declare war as much as they please, but they have yet to have seen how it destroys the average person—even a general as distinguished as yourself. 

“General?” 

“Yes,” you say. “What’s wrong, Dongho?” 

You don’t look back at him, but you can hear his horse’s footsteps catch up to yours—slowing down to remain a couple of paces behind. 

“How are you feeling?” he asks. 

You smile to yourself. “Rather sentimental.” You turn to him. “When was the last time we ever allowed ourselves to take in nature like this?” 

His smile reflects yours. “I believe it was the last time we had been called to fulfill our duty.” 

You click your tongue, with a disapproved shake of your head. “We need to go on these outings more often.” 

“Well,” Dongho starts. “It’s hard to go on leisurely walks as one of the nation’s most notable figures.” 

“And this is why you’re my second-in-command.” You let out another sigh, a bit longer than the previous one. “It’s hard to roam around with such a large target on your back.” 

“In hindsight, you are very skilled in many areas. Whether it’s swordsmanship, archery, or taekkyon, only a suicidal fool would challenge you.” 

“A suicidal fool, such as yourself?” 

“Yes, General,” he says with a chuckle. “I’m a suicidal fool, who has yet to have learned his lesson.” 

Dongho has been by your side for as long as you can remember. The two of you lived as neighbors, and evidently best friends, for ten years. When your father and brothers died, there was a brief separation period until you turned fourteen—in which you had met again, when you were starting your military training on request of your grandfather. 

Since then, you two trained together, side-by-side in combat for the next twelve years. You rose the ranks together—you as the General and he as the military counselor. 

You hear a groan from your left side. “Are we there yet?” 

“Kim Jisoo,” you call. “You should know by now how long these journeys are.” 

Your bodyguard playfully scowls at you. “Pardon me for being used to having company on these trips.” 

From beside her, Namjoo, your other bodyguard, directs a punch to her sister’s arm. “You speak as if I’m dead.” She makes eye contact with you, before rolling her eyes at her sisters antics. “Father would be upset had he heard your inauspicious words.” 

Lieutenant Kim worked alongside your father and you’re lucky enough to have him by yours as well. He’s like another family member—practically a close uncle, who is more than aware of your peculiar situation. Along with Lieutenant Kim came his two daughters, Jisoo and Namjoo.

Because he spent all of his time in the military, so did they. They learned as he taught and trained the other soldiers, including yourself and Dongho. Then, when the time came, you gave the both of them the bodyguard positions.

Of course there was protest, especially from their male counterparts who wanted their positions. While the Kims had a good laugh, there were also rumors that spread on your part—you had become known as a playboy, who became desperate for female attention while serving in the military.

Eventually, those rumors had been shut down, considering how your military contributions outweighed the gossip that spread due to envious soldiers. Your status easily overpowered theirs (lack thereof) and you dealt with them... accordingly. 

(No one died, but it didn’t mean you didn’t cause some emotional trauma for them. You were nicknamed the Devil for a reason).

But, alas, this is also the root of your predicament. 

“You aren’t the company I was referring to,” Jisoo says. 

“If you’re referring to those pretty boys back at the capitol,” Namjoo says. “You might as well be the dead one.” 

You chuckle at their banter. Jisoo is right (although you would never tell her): it would be nice to have a pretty boy by your side. But, with the current conditions, you know it would only be difficult for him. 

Granted, this would be made a burdensome situation for you as well—the only difference being that you’re made of the tougher materials in life and will not hesitate to kill a man when crossed against. 

Their banter fades into the background, with Dongho attempting to separate the two before the duo of sisters suddenly becomes solo. 

You look up at the bright and clear sky once more, enjoying the moment of peace before the storm strikes. 

It’s been about three days before you determined a stopping point, in order to set up camp for the evening. Your soldiers have been on rotation since then; you figure that they should get a well-needed break. 

You smirk to yourself. The joke’s on them, considering how the lower ranks are the ones who actually set up: the tents, the cots, the fires. 

The sun has already set for the day; the moon shines brightly and the stars twinkle against the evening sky. It’s truly the countryside; in the city, you don’t get sights like these. Too much pollution and such. It only means you and your soldiers still have a long road back to the capitol. 

A long sigh escapes you as you stand outside your tent—naturally, with Namjoo on one side and Jisoo on the other. 

“What’s wrong, General?” Namjoo asks. 

Jisoo turns to you. “Is something bothering you?” 

You let out another sigh. “It’s less of a bother and more of a concern.” 

“What kinds of concerns?” Jisoo asks. “Could we be of any help to you?” 

“Considering we are your protectors,” Namjoo adds with a pointed look. 

“And your best friends,” Jisoo says. 

“Female best friends.” 

You crack a small smile—one that rarely showed during this period. “When do you think…” Your words trail off, trying to find the correct words. “When do you think this charade should be over and done with?” 

Namjoo blinks wordlessly, not seeming to understand your question. 

“What do you mean, General?” Jisoo asks. “Are you referring to…? Possibly…?” 

“When can I fully become (Y/N) rather than just a general?”

“You’re not just a general,” Namjoo says. “You have risen up to become the General. The one who serves and protects your kingdom best.” 

“It’s not that I’m dissatisfied with my accomplishments. I’m proud of them, but I would prefer them to be my own rather than the son of the (Y/L/N) family.” You laugh inwardly at your own words. 

Son. What a joke. 

You did what you’ve had to, but, what was the real cost? The countless men you have killed? The women and children who were left with no one to care for them in this patriarchal society? 

What about your own life? What would life had been like, had your father and brothers not been killed? Would you have been married off to a family as well? Or would you still be in the military, serving with the other soldiers like now? 

There’s a moment of silence and the two struggle to find their words—whereas you’re left again to your own thoughts. 

It’s Jisoo who speaks first. “I want to tell you it would all be okay and things would remain the same.”

“But?” 

“But it won’t.” She tilts her head up, the stars shimmering in her eyes. “Things will be hard and things will be difficult. And, whenever you make that decision, we’ll be right here by your side.” 

Namjoo elbows you with a mischievous smile. “Just as we have always done. We pride yourselves as your protector.” 

Your smile grows. “That’s a relief to hear.” You turn away from them, taking a step back to push back the fabric of your tent to take a step in. “It’s too late to back out anyways.” 

“Too late for what, General?” Jisoo asks. 

Your head turns to her and your smile doesn’t waver. “The letter has already been sent.”

“Your majesty,” the Vice Premier says. “What do you advise us to do now?” 

The King sits at this throne, setting down the newly passed message from General (Y/L/N)—only to come in view with the court. 

While he may not be downright angry, he is well aware of how the court may feel. He is also unsure of what will result in his best military general, especially since the war is not exactly over and done with—considering how King Wu may still hold resentments due to the aftermath. 

He glances at the letter once again, feeling his head throb. Why did you have to choose now of all times? 

Just moments ago, the second messenger from your troops arrived—announcing his arrival and reading the letter aloud for the rest of the court to hear. Upon the King’s request, he had left the letter to the King, still in shock with the present state of affairs. 

General (Y/L/N) is a woman. 

“Your majesty,” Official Chun says, stepping out from his spot. 

“Accepted, proceed.” 

“It is unacceptable for a woman to be of such a high position, nevertheless a man’s rightful position. I propose we remove and replace the General.” 

Official Lee steps out. “Your majesty.” 

“Accepted, proceed.” 

“If I may remind some of us here that we are forever indebted to the General. We continue to be so, considering the current circumstances. While he—” He pauses, before correcting himself. “While she may be a woman, she is of the (Y/L/N) family. Not only have they been loyal to the throne, serving our country for many years, they have made many great sacrifices.” 

“Your majesty,” Official Kwon says. 

“Accepted, proceed.” 

“Official Lee is correct. We cannot just remove the General.” He pauses, not before glancing at Official Chun and his followers. “The war might be over but we still have to be alert. Allowing her removal is the equivalent of death for our country.” 

Sensing Chun’s anger from the indirect remarks, Official Mae steps out. “Your majesty.” 

“Accepted, proceed.” 

“General (Y/L/N) is a woman. A woman with too much power shall be the root our demise.” He glances at the other side, spotting those behind the Vice Premier. “She must be put into her place before she gets too ambitious.” 

Official Song steps out. “Your majesty.” 

“Accepted, proceed.” 

“From what we are aware, the (Y/L/N) family does not have any male heirs. Considering the circumstances, we cannot afford to replace her when there are still repercussions of the war to be settled.” 

“Your majesty,” Official Chun starts to say. 

However, the King puts his hand up, pausing the conversation from continuing any further. He has already made his decision: you were to keep your position. Your accomplishments have stacked up, leaving the entire country indebted to you and your trained troops. Your reputation in the military is the most impressive—no one can be compared to you. 

Although, it might be too unsettling for the officials for you to remain in your position. There must be some punishment—some kind of way to appease the court while you can still maintain your position, but not harsh enough for you to refute. 

“General (Y/L/N) is to keep her position,” the King announces. He continues, shutting down any more possible verbal opposition. “Our country is indebted to the General. She has obtained previous territories that have been lost in previous battles and she has won countless wars, including the one we have just won. Replacing her would only lead to our doom and, even then, we have no suitable replacement.” 

Official Jeong steps out. “Your majesty.” 

“Accepted, proceed.”

“I believe that’s a wise decision, as expected from our King.” He swallows apprehensively. “However, we cannot leave her be. After all, she has deceived us—including you. What shall we do with her then?” 

The officials murmur and whispers are passed around. Removal is too drastic for the King, therefore an execution is already off the table. No one seems to have any ideas of a possible punishment. 

That is, anyone from the court. 

While the officials scramble for an idea, the Empress’ eunuch, Eunuch Hak, shuffles himself from her side to the King’s throne. 

There’s a hush that falls over the court officials. 

“The Empress requests an audience,” Eunuch Hak whispers to the King. 

“Accepted.” 

From behind her golden curtain, the Empress lifts herself from her spot and gracefully walks towards the court. Her head is held high with elegance and her footsteps are light—almost as if she’s gliding. The officials bow their heads as she walks between them, no one daring to look up at her. 

She stops in front of the throne, smiling as she looks up at the King. 

“Mother,” he says. “How do you suppose we deal with this predicament?”

“I am proposing a marriage.” 

The whispers start up again, unsure of what the Empress is trying to plan. 

“Your highness,” Official Kwon says. “To whom do you think the General shall be married to?” 

Her smile grows. “I believe that the second nephew is the most suitable candidate.” 

“Second nephew?” 

“She doesn’t mean—”

“The second prince?” 

The King straightens in his seat, intrigued with the idea. “You are proposing a marriage between the most distinguished figure in Korea and Yoon Jeonghan?” He takes a small breath in, leaning back with a cocked eyebrow as he contemplates the idea. 

Official Jeong speaks up once more. “Your highness, can you elaborate more as to how this is a suitable punishment?” 

“If you ask me, it’s explanatory,” Official Chun mumbles under his breath. 

Official Mae smirks at the comment, whispering back. “Prince Yoon is nothing more than a joke to the royal family.” 

The Empress lets out a small sigh, proceeding to pretend as if she didn’t hear the rude comments about her grandson. 

“It’s not about punishment.” she says. “It’s about balance.” Seeing the apprehensive look from the King, she continues. “Jeonghan is rather unorthodox. He spends much of his time dancing at the brothels and admiring artwork rather than martial arts or sports.” 

There’s a murmur of agreement amongst the officials. 

The Empress takes it as a sign to continue. “While he is a healthy man with three lovers, he is still uncommitted and unmarried. If the two were to be married, it can help solve the problems that are occurring for both parties.” 

The King nods silently, but awaits for the court. 

“Your majesty,” Official Kwon says.

“Accepted, proceed.” 

“Her highness makes a good argument. I agree.” He thinks for a moment. “Not only would the General be married off to produce a male heir, but the rumors of Prince Yoon could also settle down once he’s married.” 

“Your majesty,” Official Lee says. 

“Accepted, proceed.” 

“I agree with her highness and Official Kwon. This is more advantageous on our part,” he says. “I mean no offense when I say this, but Prince Yoon’s reputation is rather…” He pauses. “Unfavorable, at the moment. The General can help with that change and his with hers when the news spread in the villages.” 

“Your majesty,” the Vice Premier says. “Shall we proceed with the marriage then?” 

“Yes, we shall,” the King says with a nod. “From this day, we shall begin the wedding preparations. Once the General arrives back to the capital, Prince Yoon Jeonghan will become her husband.” 

The Empress moves herself to the sidelines as the King stands up, causing the officials to stop in their spots and lower their heads once more. He steps down from his throne, starting his descent down the stairs and onto the path laid out for him. 

The Vice Premier follows him from the right and his majesty’s eunuch, Eunuch Boo, follows him from the left—their conversation continuing in hushed tones. 

The Empress leaves shortly after the King’s departure with Eunuch Hak on one side and Court Lady Nam on the other, leaving the officials with themselves. 

“Court Lady Nam,” she says. “You shall inform Princess Consort Yoon.” 

“Yes, your highness.” 

She turns to her right. “Eunuch Hak.” 

“Yes, your highness?” 

“Begin the wedding preparations.” 

A/N: As always, thanks for reading! Please don’t ask for updates. If you would like status updates, check out the upcoming post we have with upcoming works that will be posted! 

[bestworstcase]

farran rereads lost lagoon: chapters 3-4

- a shot-put ball, according to my cursory research, weighs in the neighborhood of 6-16 pounds. leila howland expects me to believe that princess “hoisted an adult woman 70 ft into the air on the daily with nothing but a pulley and raw upper body strength” rapunzel has a hard time picking up a shot.

anyways

- rapunzel thinks about how she used to talk to herself in her tower when she was isolated (and lonely) but stopped once she came to corona, and this girl looked like she was talking to herself, and it gave rapunzel this weird sense of familiarity! now what in the world could that mean? its so subtle i can’t quite put my finger on it.

again, romance novel.

less sardonically - i will say that tts cass has never struck me as an especially lonely person. yes, rapunzel is quite possibly her first ever close friend, but cass also appears to be on pleasant terms with her coworkers and has at least one or two friendships or mentor-type relationships among the guards (stan and pete). animals in tts are anthropomorphized enough to qualify as humans, and cassandra is unequivocally friends with owl and fidella. she is friendly if not friends with at least one coronan citizen (monty). she’s utterly unfazed by crowley’s crabbiness. she’s able to get along with the pub thugs. in vardaros she befriends vex with ease and makes herself right at home among the citizenry at large. there is zero friction between her and lance - at most she rolls her eyes when he’s being ridiculous. and out of the main cast, cassandra is the one who seems closest to varian in s1 - like, she has actual bonding moments with him. 

THE POINT BEING, cassandra may not have a lot of close friends, but she is nevertheless personable and demonstrates the ability to adapt herself to suit a variety of social environments. maybe i’m projecting here - i have very few close offline friends because my preference for in-person socialization is for it to be very casual - but taken together this doesn’t scream ‘lonely person’ to me. it instead says ‘person who finds social fulfillment in a wide net of friendly acquaintanceships’ and possibly also ‘person who finds close, emotionally intimate relationships worthwhile but very demanding to maintain, and so seldom or never seeks them out.’

this, absolutely, a very subjective reading of her character - it is just as plausible for cass to be someone who is socially competent but feels inwardly unfulfilled until rapunzel comes along. but even in that reading, this implication that cassandra is as deeply lonely, as thoroughly isolated in corona as rapunzel was in her tower is baldly absurd.

- i think i will have more thoughts about how arianna is characterized and the relationship she and rapunzel have with each other later in the story. for now it feels rather mechanical, and like arianna exists in the story to facilitate cassunzel happening.

- cassandra comes across to me like she has an anxiety disorder written by someone who doesn’t quite know how to convey how that feels? she catastrophizes: what if rapunzel thinks cass attacked her? will she get in trouble? but then she stops to make snide comments about rapunzel’s security detail ‘[falling] down on the job’ and concludes with an impressive amount of certainty that rapunzel isn’t going to make a big deal of it, after all. that… isn’t how anxiety works?

then, immediately, she finds a note from her father scolding her for slacking off—making it clear that she is indeed in trouble, like she feared—and her response is to scoff and throw it away. zero concern about being in trouble. zero worry about the consequences she might face for refusing the pointed “offer” of being rapunzel’s lady-in-waiting. like… this isn’t anxiety. i’m positive it’s meant to convey anxiety, but it comes across as cassandra just being… melodramatic and rude and grumpy. like a teenager. it’s unpleasant. and it bears very little resemblance to tts cass, who expresses a clear and consistent anxiety regarding the security of her job and the looming threat of a convent.

- secondly: “Friedborg reported that you missed your afternoon duties AGAIN. Please be advised that this is unacceptable. The queen is looking for a lady-in-waiting to serve Princess Rapunzel. It would be a great opportunity for you, and you must show the queen how prepared you are to train her in the ways of the court.” i am 100% convinced that howland thought cass was rapunzel’s age or younger. if friedborg is effectively cassandra’s direct supervisor, and she is reporting absences to cassandra’s father instead of addressing this with cassandra directly, the only explanation that makes sense is that cassandra is not of legal age.

- “Ladies don’t wield weapons, lead military strategy meetings, or race on horseback. Ladies do needlework, flower arranging, and hairstyling.”

sighs.

i am not going to argue that corona, in any incarnation, isn’t culturally sexist. it is. there are no women in the guard, no women in trades, no female business owners in the vein of monty or xavier or feldspar. besides rapunzel and arianna - who as the monarch’s spouse has very little in the way of actual political power - there are no women in the upper echelons of the government. besides cassandra, the only gnc women around are criminals. cass is denied even a chance to join the guard for no evident reason, even though her father allows eugene - a man he openly despises - to take the tests and then begrudgingly hires him when he passes. no one sees an issue with this, even though cassandra is demonstrably overqualified.

however.

howland makes this cultural sexism explicit text, and she does so in such a way that it implies something pretty horrifying about the already pretty horrifying corona-saporia unification backstory.

i am talking, of course, about general shampanier. you know, the female saporian general whom herz der sonne married when the two kingdoms were unified. the female saporian general who personally dueled der sonne for hours, according to under raps. the female saporian general who, forget military strategy meetings, led an entire goddamn army. i will accept the possibility that shampanier did not ride horses, because rapunzel’s return suggests that saporians have some sort of cultural objection to that. but this book predates rapunzel’s return by a large margin, and it isn’t canon anyway, so odds are the general shampanier of this story rode a warhorse at some point or another in her illustrious career of being the general of an army!!!

this woman - general shampanier - became the queen, the wife of arguably corona’s most historically important king, at a defining moment in coronan political and cultural history. tts and lost lagoon would both have us believe that this was a romantic, peaceful union between two people and two nations, but a few hundred years later - this. ladies don’t fight. ladies don’t belong in the war tent. ladies don’t ride horses. cass takes these things for granted as facts of life. but general shampanier did all of those things, and she did them extremely well, and she became corona’s queen.

WHAT HAPPENED?! WHAT HAPPENED TO SHAMPANIER’S LEGACY?

how did corona go from a warrior-queen to this, in just a few hundred years? the most plausible answer is that the background radiation of sexism and, perhaps, anti-saporian bias was powerful enough to unravel any cultural impact she may have otherwise had, deep enough to render her an outlier, an aberration, an exception to the rule that women do not act like that.

even arguing here that ‘lady’ specifically means ‘noblewoman’ doesn’t add up - because, again, general shampanier became THE QUEEN. you don’t get more noblewoman than that!

it feels unfair to judge this book with details added in season 3—such as the fact that shampanier is evidently not buried with herz der sonne—but this total lack of a cultural impact from general shampanier, queen of corona, feels very telling even without taking those tidbits of extra-textual information into consideration.

and good god, saporia hasn’t even properly entered the narrative yet! this is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg!

*deep breath*

moving. on.

- continuing the theme of cass being a child larping as a guard recruit: she has a closetful of weapons which she maintains to the exacting standards of the handbook, but skips out on her job to “train” in secret because evidently she’ll do ANYTHING to get on the guard except, you know, demonstrate a modicum of responsibility with the job she has now.

- moreover while i think cartography is a neat hobby for cassandra to have, it… doesn’t make a lot of sense if it’s part of some nebulous plan to ~prove herself worthy~ of being on the guard. like, cartography straight up isn’t a relevant skill, and while knowing the countryside could certainly be helpful for guard work in the event a criminal goes to ground in the wilderness, it’s like… it’s like if i applied for my current job, which is in software/tech support, by focusing an intensive amount of energy on teaching myself spanish. fluency in spanish is a useful skill and one that i could turn into an asset within the bounds of my current job, and it might be the deciding factor in me getting hired over someone else with equivalent experience and skill in computing and tech support (which is what the job involves) because, yes, some of our clients are ESL spanish-speakers. but it’s—there’s a disconnect. if i were in a tight competition to get this job i would be pouring my time into sharpening my programming skill and polishing up a portfolio of relevant work. i wouldn’t be devoting hours upon hours to learning spanish. right?

on the other hand—if cartography is a hobby cassandra is passionate about, and she’s 16 or 17 or 18 and she really likes the idea of being on the guard and really feels like she can do it and is bored with her dumb teenager job and desperate to get her dad to make her a guard without actually grasping what being a guard entails or the kind of work it involves or what she actually, realistically needs to do to have a shot, then… yeah, skipping work to play pretend with her weapons and convincing herself that her favorite hobby is totally going to prove to her dad that she’s ready to be a guard!!! makes perfect sense. it’s no different from tts varian tunnel visioning so hard on this fantasy of ‘i’ll surprise my whole village with hot running water and then my dad will be proud of me!!!’ that he neglects basic safety measures and accidentally blows the whole system up. it’s not realistic. it’s a fantasy. it’s play.

- the only time cassandra brings up eugene’s criminal past in tts is to mock him for being a loser. like. literally. the plot of fitzherbert pi kicks off when she calls him a “two-bit hood” and then when he fires back that flynn rider was a LEGEND!!! she fires back “key word being was. and… what is it you do now?” and that’s the only time she brings it up. granted this is 6-7 months into their relationship but… still, frankly i never got the impression that “former thief” was anywhere close to the top of cassandra’s list of reasons for hating eugene. he’s just a dick. she doesn’t like him because he’s a huge selfish jerk and she warms up to him after her starts behaving better.

- rapunzel goes to the ty lee school of flirting. just… laugh really hard at everything your crush says even if it’s not funny.

- despite my… intense and rapidly growing dislike for how cassandra is characterized in this book, her experiencing an actual physical reaction when rapunzel enters her space without permission is good. it’s about the boundaries. it has always been about the boundaries, and rapunzel crossing them, and the intractable messiness that arises from that.

- in fact: how many times does rapunzel cross boundaries in just this one little scene? oh, let me count the ways!

1 - when cassandra goes to shut the door, rapunzel ducks under her arm to enter the room. (eugene attempts to enter as well, but cass succeeds in blocking him.)

2 - missing or ignoring cassandra’s first “go away” hint about only playing individual sports.

3 - missing or ignoring cassandra’s second “go away” hint (“I let the silence get awkward.”)

4 - arranging cassandra’s invitation to the feast of elodie the great with the captain beforehand, so cass can’t use him as an excuse to decline.

5 - missing or ignoring cassandra’s obvious discomfort with this news, taking cassandra’s attendance at the feast as a done deal, and skipping straight to asking cassandra to sit next to her.

6 - in response to cassandra’s very diplomatic signal of not wanting to do that (“I sit wherever I’m assigned”), she declares that she’ll make sure cassandra is assigned to sit next to her.

7 - touching without permission, which makes cassandra flinch.

all of which results in cassandra making what she considers to be a “tactical surrender.” and then shutting and locking her door, because she feels so rattled. as i recall, lagoon is actually a lot mellower on the boundary violations front - and rapunzel actually learns better over the course of the story, which is probably the biggest reason that lost lagoon is not canon and cannot be canon to tts - but it feels worth writing this sort of thing out because, well. it is one of the dead horses i keep clobbering.

[ingravinoveritas]

Why do people ship DT & MS? Please stop??! They are real people, and I bet they're uncomfortable with this. Also there's no evidence of DT being at least bi. Same with MS. Just because they're close friends doesn't mean they're sleeping together. I see their relationship as purely platonic. There are some dreamy moments from M's side, but I'd say it's just an admiration. There's nothing from DT's side. That makes me think they're not as close as we think they are.

I'm sure they love each other. As friends.

Hello, Anon! Are you new here? I think you might be new, as you seem a bit unfamiliar with all that is going on. But take heart! I get anons like you about once a month now, regular as clockwork, so you’re not serving me anything I haven’t gotten before. You seem to have rushed in headfirst to the Michael And David Shipping Lounge here, so how about you slow down, take your coat off, sit down, and enjoy a hot beverage.

I would first like to make two things clear, Anon, which I believe you’ve unfortunately missed out on by not perusing my blog prior to sending this message:

1) Everything that I post about in terms of shipping Michael and David is based on/in reaction to things they have put out there (quotes, pictures, interviews, etc.). None of the things that I mention in this post are things I have pulled out of thin air. 2) In the (many) posts I’ve made about shipping Michael and David, I have said time and again that I am not convinced that something has for sure happened between them...that nothing could’ve happened as easily as something could’ve happened. I have no compunction whatsoever with believing that they could be purely platonic...yet you appear to be unwilling or unable to think their relationship could be more than that (just because they’re close friends, it doesn’t mean they aren’t sleeping together, either). So that’s why I find it interesting that you seem to speak with such certainty about Michael and David’s relationship and their sexual orientations while accusing me of doing exactly that...when I haven’t. But I am a big believer in knowledge being power, Anon, and you started this message with a question, which was “Why do people ship DT & MS?” My goal, therefore, is to answer that question by providing you with information you may not already know, and with which you can then draw your own conclusions.

I think a good place to start would be with some background, since you did mention there being “no evidence” of David or Michael being bi. But there is a distinct difference between there not being “evidence” and not being convinced by the evidence that does exist. (Disclaimer: I will freely admit that I am less versed in all things David, so my dear friend @faggghaggg​ and also the lovely @fckedupnerd​ are two far superior sources of DT information than I am.)

In terms of David, there is actually a long history of rumors and intimations about his being bisexual, from as far back as the Doctor Who days. This link and this link are good places to look for older David gossip. A few more examples (which could be seen as circumstantial, but that are certainly more than suggestive) are David kissing John Barrowman, David grabbing a man’s crotch on Ask Rhod Gilbert for no reason, and my personal favorite: An interview of David’s on Graham Norton from 2007. As for Michael, the “evidence” of him being bi is more overt (which seems to be the case with basically everything when it comes to Michael). Just a few examples: Michael has said that his first crush ever was on John Taylor of Duran Duran. During an episode of Carpool Karaoke, he described Tom Jones as being “sexy” in his 1960s heyday. Most recently, he has spoken about being sexually attracted to several members of the Manic Street Preachers back in the day.

But absolutely none of the above even begins to touch on the way Michael and David behave around and with each other. The thing to keep in mind as well, Anon, is that sexuality is a fluid thing, and so there is no one “way” to express one’s bisexuality. For example, while I do think Michael tends to prefer women and anything female with a pulse will turn his head, it takes a certain kind of man to do the same. And David is one such kind of man, who came into Michael’s life and heart when he least seemed to expect it, such that his attraction to David seems to have even taken him by surprise.

So why do people ship Michael and David? Well, I’m not going to list every single instance of the flirting, loving looks, mouth staring (Michael shamelessly  staring at David’s lips and mouth during interviews), and suggestive quotes (such as Michael saying that David is very easy to fall in love with) that have happened since the GO press tour started in 2018. But I think I do have to mention the two that pretty much started it all: When David said ‘Maybe I should’ve married Michael Sheen,’ and when Michael called David his ‘lover.’

I will grant you that the comment from David definitely had a “playing to the crowd” feel to it, and was him working an audience as he is so wont to do. It still doesn’t change the fact that he did say it, seemingly unprompted. Also, I don’t know about you, Anon, but I can’t recall a single instance where I have described any one of my platonic friends as my “lover.” And while that interview did take place during the GO press tour, there was nothing--and I mean nothing--that precipitated that comment from Michael. The subject of discussion had nothing to do with Good Omens, there was no mention of the Ineffable Husbands, and yet...”He’s my lover.” Out of nowhere.

(Incidentally, there was a sort of “sequel” to this quote earlier this year when Michael described David’s hips as ‘slinky.’ If you are uncomfortable with or don’t want to be shipped with your co-star, you don’t generally refer to him as your “lover” or wax rhapsodic about his hips while staring dreamily into the distance. Point blank, period. But over and over again, they keep feeding the fires. Also, while David is more subtle than Michael, there are plenty of instances (more since I wrote that post, even) of him displaying his love and affection.)

I could go on, Anon. And on, and on, but your best bet from here on out is to read my #good omens rpf and #discourse tags for more. The takeaway from all this, though, is that there isn’t any one giant unifying moment that makes people ship Michael and David, but rather the gradual accumulation of all of these little moments over time. It’s seeing so clearly that there is something special between them, that David makes Michael happy in a way no one else does, and the joy of knowing that out of the 7 billion of us wandering around the planet, Michael and David somehow found each other. And after a year like 2020, love of any kind--platonic or romantic--is something worth celebrating.

So I hope this answers your question. I hope you’ve enjoyed your hot beverage, taken in some of the sights, and come away with a little food for thought, and perhaps a willingness to understand things a bit better before coming after people. Good night, and good luck...

[bagheerita]

So I just finished Empire of Gold and need to gush about The Daevabad Trilogy for a minute.

(I try to be vague, but that's exactly when I up and hit you with low-key SPOILERS, so be aware.)

My rambling is only barely organized into the format of randomly selected topics in order to provide a vague outline for my outflowing of affection for each book.

CITY OF BRASS

Favorite character: Definitely Nahri. I love a woman who isn't afraid to go after what she wants, and boy howdy do I love me a pragmatist. AND do I love me a girl who can keep her head on her shoulders even when she's in-lust with man. As much as she is truly falling in love with Dara, she never forgets the way he looked at her when he thought she was shafit and his relief when Ghassan said she wasn't. She would have married him if he had offered I think, but she was smart enough to make him take the first step to cross the gap that his prejudice had put between them.

Most impressive thing: The way the author uses her narrator to tell a story that the narrative character doesn't always fully understand. This mostly comes through Ali's chapters at this point cause he's a little naive, but it's really skillfully done.

 KINGDOM OF COPPER

Least favorite thing: There are some moments that just felt... weirdly written. There's three big ones that come to mind...

At the beginning- the way the writing describes the environment. I'm paraphrasing because it's been a week since I read it and I don’t remember details, but it's like "the only sound in the graveyard was the distant sound of cats fighting" then, five minutes later "The only sound was the sound of coins jingling in her basket."  Like, where were those coins five minutes ago?! Also, why does an experienced thief put coins in a jingly basket that is easy to steal or drop instead of hiding them on her person??? (That's super nitpicky, but it was the first chapter, so I noticed it more.)

The second big moment that annoyed me was... okay so Dara learns that Muntadhir is bisexual through mind-reading powers that he's never previously demonstrated? I mean, there are enough clues about how he does it, and it makes sense to the character's history that he can sense peoples’ desires, but it felt weird that this is the only time we really see him use this power- here, as the inciting incident to the third act, where so much of the plot revolves around it. Dara already knew that Ghassan was planning to force Nahri to marry Muntadhir, they'd already talked about this, so I'm not sure what about Muntadhir being in a relationship with a man, as opposed to the multiple women he’s slept with this week, was enough to make this prospect so immediately repugnant that Dara goes absolutely stupid about it and incites the climax of the book.

Then there's the epilogue that basically just exists to point out what we already learned about Muntadhir and Jamshid. I thought that was kind of unnecessary, as no one in this epilogue scene, including the reader, doesn't already know about this relationship. Though the epilogue does also contain what I think was supposed to be foreshadowing, but which sent me off on a weird mental tangent where I spent most of the second book thinking Jamshid was the reincarnation of Rustam...

Favorite character: Muntadhir, hands down. There is one scene in particular, where he sasses Dara while dying of poison that is just my favorite scene in the entire book. I mean, I think part of my enjoyment was that I had been worried that he was about to be a victim of the Bury Your Gays trope, so when he shows back up still not dead I was so relieved to see him I literally squeeeed, and then he's bragging to Dara about something I explicitly know didn't happen, just actively involved in assassinating his own character because he has nothing else he can give to save his brother at that point except trying to distract Dara by enraging him... omg, do I love me some brotherly feels- my second favorite scene was the three siblings in a closet plotting a coup.

Least favorite thing: Dara lying to himself and justifying Manizheh's actions for the entire book. I get that the fact that he was lied to and betrayed by the people in power that he should have been able to trust is a big part of his arc, but I was not excited to have his POV added to this book just to have him and everyone around him spout off more prejudiced victim narrative bullshit every time I flipped to his chapters, like I wasn't getting enough of that from practically every other character in the story.

Most impressive thing: The author draws some really great parallels and contrasts between the 3 main characters and their journeys that I absolutely love. In chapter 2, Nahri says something like "Where's your sense of adventure?" to her new friend and then literally in the next chapter Ali says "Have you no sense of inquisitiveness?" to his new friend. (I don't like to call ships that early in the story, but I was like- these two are fated to be best friends if not something more.)  A bit later in the story, Dara is presented with a choice: to do the easy thing or to do the Right thing, and he chooses the easy path even though he knows that it's wrong. After this, Ali is presented with a choice: to do the easy thing or the Right thing, and he does the Right thing, even though he knows that it ultimately probably won't help. I just really love that this story always feels like every narrative POV and every chapter fully develops the character and contributes to the world. 

I also really love the twists and turns that Ali and Nahri’s relationship has taken over these first two books. They really have grown as individuals, and have believed the best and worst of each other, and understand each other in a way that is a great foundation for a truly lasting friendship (which is, of course, the best bedrock for building a more intimate relationship).

 EMPIRE OF GOLD

Favorite character: Sobek. I have a soft spot for unrepentant murderers who have a soft spot for the people they find interesting.

Least favorite thing: It ended? I know this book was long enough to be an entire trilogy on its own, but I would have loved more at the end from the side characters. Like, I want 100 more pages just about Jamshid and Muntadhir. I was explicit confirmation of what Zaynab and Aquisa are up to, and a sequel trilogy about their adventures. I want more about Fiza and what her plans are for the future. I want orchard shenanigans with Mishmish. I want more about Sudha and her family. I want more about Nahri conning everyone into making a functional government, and I want more about the trials of everyone in the city learning to not hate and judge as a first reflex. Just MORE!

Most impressive thing: Overall I was just impressed with this entire book. If I had to pick one thing, I would probably say I was most impressed, and pleasantly surprised, by Dara's ending. By this point in the story, I was certain that Dara had transgressed every transgression that it was possible to transgress, and lied to himself the entire way, only deciding upon the Right course of action when it was exactly 2 minutes too late, so I was prepared for him to find Redemption in Death. But once again I was pleasantly surprised at this story's refusal to follow popular story tropes, when it instead granted him true freedom as he perhaps had never known in his life, and the ability to choose who he would live that life in service of- choosing to help those who, like him, had been victims of the ifrit. 

I want more stories like this, about characters who are unforgivable, but who are forgiven- not by people or by those they have wronged, but by the narrative itself. Who are able and allowed to rededicate their lives to something, choosing to see their own actions and commit to helping people instead of just blindly following.

 OVERALL

Favorite character: I want to say Nahri, though I also really appreciate Ali and his quiet growth from being naive and kind of annoying to a man who is finally comfortable with and understands himself. But I think I’m going to have to choose Jamshid. I really like characters who are honest with themselves about their motivations, and I really admire his willingness to be open to change, to having his entire world and beliefs be turned upside down and try to go with the new way of being instead of holding on to the past, to confess his sins and be honest with Nahri, to believe in the people he knows rather than in what others say about them when Manizheh tries to manipulate him, to have been through everything he's been through and still retain a sense of humor and a generally upbeat personality.

The author does a good job of presenting all of the characters as fully rounded people so that there isn't really a character that I find poorly written. I definitely disagree with a lot of characters, and dislike them as individual people, and Manizheh comes the closest to being someone I truly hate, but you can see the paths that brought these people to be who they are. There are some great lines- where I think it's Nahri who notes that Ghassan's father make him like he was by his abuse, as he had twisted Manizheh  up with his own abuse, and that Muntadhir could have easily become just like his father. All people have the potential inside of them to be good or to be evil, and they are formed by the circumstances of their lives, the choices they make, and the power they give to the relationships they have.  I also loved that, once she learns the truth about her parents, Nahri notes how much of herself she gets from her Egyptian mother, just as much as she got her Nahid heritage from Rustam, and that it's a part of her that she can be proud of and celebrate.

 Most impressive thing: I don't like "realistic" fantasy, where lots of people die, because that tends to be an excuse for the book to just be really depressing. This story really surprised me by being realistic but in a way that was still full of hope. Sometimes people are terrible, or they are broken by the world and can no longer see anything beyond their pain, and a lot of the time the institutions we have created are terrible and are built on terrible things. But there is still always a need for people who do the right thing, who stand up for those who are being treated unfairly, who are willing to make sacrifices to break down the "us" and "them" that divides people. Who are willing to see change not as something to be feared but as a beautiful potential.

Least MOST favorite thing:  As Chakraborty herself notes in her afterward:  "There are days when it feels silly and selfish to spend my days crafting tales of monsters and magic. But I still believe, desperately, in the power of stories. If you take any message from this trilogy, I hope it is to choose what's right even when it seems hopeless - especially when it seems hopeless. Stand for justice, be a light, and remember what it is we were promised by the One who knows better.

“With every hardship comes ease."

I also believe in the power of stories, and I’m so excited to have been able to experience this one.  <3

[popculturebuffet]

Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Life Review

Happy Birthday To Me, as I continue my birthday celebration by taking a look at comics that have a personal connection to me.. And for our main feature, i’m taking a look at the first volume of a series that was vitally important to a teenage me, Scott Pilgrim. 

Scott Pilgrim is the brainchild of Brian Lee’O’Malley. O’Malley came up with the concept from a number of things. Being a fan of the band Plumtree, O’Malley was curious about the name of their song “Scott Pilgrim” and wondered who this Scott Pilgrim guy was. So over the years he slowly built the guy up in the back of his mind using bits of his life and what not. As for why he ends up fighting 7 evil exes, that came from a discussion with his then girlfriend, later wife and currently ex-wife Hope Larson, where he threw off the joke that her exes should form some kind of League. After finishing his first solo work Lost at Sea, O’Malley decided Scotty would be his next project and the rest is history. To date while O’Malley has written two works since, Seconds which is delightful and Snotgirl which didn’t grab me but I intend to try again, Scott remains his most popular work, in large part due to it’s SUBLIME video game and movie adaptations, the former of which is finally getting a rerelease next month. 

The series charm is in it’s style: A manga styled comic that combines two desperate kinds of story: Shonen Fight Manga and Slice of Life Indie Comics. The story shifts from Scott going through normal life stuff while trying to make his new relationship work and get his shit together and Scott getting into big bombastic fights with his new sweetie’s exes for the right to keep dating her and to you know, stay alive. The series effortlesly blends a video game like world with real grounded characters and is wonderful for it.  As for where I came in, one Free Comic Book day I found a little comic named Free Scott Pilgrim, which I genuinely loved and was instantly charmed by it’s humor and well done art. So I picked up the second and third volumes of the series proper and the first once I could find it and the rest ,as they say, is history. For my high school life, this was one of hte most important things in it and I wrote fanfiction, which I thankfully never put online and in general enjoyed the hell out of the series. Then I just kind of.. let it sit on my shelf for a while. It wasn’t BAD, I just never got back to it and as the franchise went dormant I just sorta slept on it and the movie and that part of me...

Cut to a few weeks ago, when Comixology did a massive sale for black friday that marked a ton of Graphic Novels down to just 1 buck each, and the color editions of Scott Pilgrim happened to be part of this, though only volume 1 was that cheap. But thanks to my best friend micheal and an early christmas/birthday present I got the rest and got to revisit the series as a whole, with me rethinking my previous thoughts of volume 1 and thus.. wanting to review it and share both why this series is so damn special and what’s good, and what’s not so good about it. I’ll also be covering the game, once i’ts re-released, and the movie once i’m finsihed with the comics so look out for that. And get ready to take a trip to the glorious land of canada... 

As a heads up and as you can tell i’ll be using the color version as while I could get scans of the black and white, I prefer the color version. While the black and white was fine and always will be, I think the impressive coloring job really adds to thing and makes the already great fight scenes pop more, as well as making certain background elements stand out a bit. While it does negate the black and white gags, the tradeoff is more than worth it. That being said either version is fine so if you can get the black and white cheaper that’s fine and i’ve kept my original copies, with volumes 4 -6 having been picked up as they came out. 

So as our story starts we meet our hero: Scott Pilgrim Age 23, a charming but jobless and kind of sketchy possible college graduate whose really been adrift in his life since a breakup about a year ago. And when our story opens he’s taken a turn for a worse and decided to date sweet but naive and inexperinced Knives Chau, a 17 year old girl. And why yes the power dynamics there are messed up and why yes Scott is pretty damn sketchy in this moment in time, and while yes I am aware the age of consent in canada is 16, it dosen’t make this any less greasy and the story knows that.  And how it knows that MOST of his friends aren’t on board. The only ones who seems to is Stephen Stiles, leader of Sex Bomb-Omb, the band scott’s in with one of the best names ever and even then it’s hard to tell if he’s being sarcastic or just a total douche. The other, Young Neil Nordgraf, Stephen’s roomate, is well 19 or 20 and kind of a dipshit so we just ignore him. I used to use him as kind of a projection, to put myself in the adventure when I was younger as Neil kind of lacks personality in the comics but in the comics.. he’s not hte best or most complex character. He is great in the movie though and Edgar Wright did an amazing job fleshing him out.  The rest of his circle are .. not so permissive. His best friend, roomate and king of all gays for all time Wallace Wells very much does not want to come with Scott to school to pick her up because every part of that sentence after hurt to type. Granted Scott gets him to come with him with promises of boys, but frankly knowing wallace he was probably just playing along/wants to protect this poor child. His ex and fellow bandmate Kim is clearly bothered by it and is flat out worried Scott is taking advantage of her. Kim and Wallace are easily my faviorites both for personality and because I have a massive crush on both. With Wallace it just didn’t manifest till the reread. Finally Scott’s kid sister Stacey chews him out over it before genuinely wondering if he’s gone insane or he’s actually happy. For my two cents: he’s not. He WANTS to be, but he dosen’t know how. And as someone whose both neurotypical, which given Scott’s troubles with empathy and relating to people like yours truly I strongly suggest he is, and has struggled with depression I can relate to that. He wants to move on but he just.. can’t, he just wants to get past the haze he’s been in since Envy dumped him.. but he dosen’t know how. So instead of doing someting constructive or finding a job or anything .. he just took the first and easiest way out of his depression he could. I’ve done that with video games and stuff. Scott did that by entering a relationship that’s really easy, requires only so much effort, and is with someone who utterly adores, looks up to him and will never expect better. Being with Knives makes him feel better.. but it dosen’t MAKE him a better person. As i’ve made clear dating someone just for a boost makes him actively worse and had fate not intervened, I shudder to think what Scott might have become. That being said his actoins are still creepy and since Scott has a habit of landing ass backwards into being an asshole here’s a counter to track that. That’s 2 for doing this overall, one for tleling her to be good, and 1 for trying to ply wallace with underage boys. 

Your the Scum of the Earth Scott Counter: 1

Thankfully fate does and Scott’s dreams, ones of him crawling through a desert alone, are interupted by a mysterious pink haired girl on skates. The next day he’s just sort of in a daze, kind of confused, and even more so when he sees her IN REAL LIFE, while at the library with Knives. He’s understandably frazzled but ends up finding out he’s not hallucinating when talking to MIcheal Cormeau. Micheal is a minor character and another artist and friend of o malley’s who represents that one guy in social circles who knows everybody. And indeed he knows the mystery girl, Ramona Flowers and that she’s there. Scott TRIES talking her up but just creeps her out, so Scott goes with plan b and decides to ask around about her. Enter Sandra and Monique, two college aquantinces of Scott, who just sorta show up at major events and aren’t that developed or intresting. They turn him to Julie who forbids him to date her. To which I say. 

Naturually we’ll aslo be needing a counter for this. 

Shut Up Julie Counter: 1

Scott however did find out she’s a delivery girl for Amazon Canada, and thus orders some CD’s on Wallace’s Credit card to hopefully see her. And while his behavior IS obessive.. it’s understandable. I’d be weirdly obessed with finding someone too if they showed up in my dreams every day and were apparently a real person. I’d probably play it cooler but still i’ts kind of understandable. So after a day with knives in which he’s clearly checked out she kisses him, he freaks out and it’s very clear that while Scott’s good at attracting women he’s just.. not good with his emotions and has finally woken up to how messed up this is, but has no idea how to get out now he’s intrested in someone he actually has a future with maybe.  Speaking of Scott’s package and Ramona finally arrive. Scott’s move is to.. ask her out abrubtly but after he mentions her Dreams, Ramona finally puts two and two together and explains things: She’s been using Subspace, a seris of highways connected by the subconcious and apparently more common in america, though it’s later revealed she was taught this but being the first book with a lot of the lore and what not ironed out this is fine. Point is she was just using his dreams as transit and didn’t mean to get him obessed. Scott continues to try his schtick and eventually gets her to agree to hang out with him. Why she does I generally do not know, as SCott basically fell ass backwards over himself conversationally, but whatever. If he didn’t succeed we wouldn’t have a plot. 

That being said things pick up a bit with the date though. The scene is really good and simply just the two.. talking. Having plesant conversations getting to know one another. That good stuff. it’s just really nice to read and it’s hard to explain why. Highlights include Scott’s x-men patch, Ramona not wanting to talk about her last job and Scott admitting he hasn’t been obessed in a long time.. and it comes off sweet rather htan creepy like that sounds. It just means he hasn’t fell this head over heels felt like this. As I said Knives was easy.. but this is hard.. and this.. feels right. So as things Snow Ramona yanks scott through subspace to escape the blizzard. 

So we end up back at Ramona’s place and she offers some tea which leads to one of the best gags of the volume as she lists them off: 

So Ramona goes to get Scott a blanket, Scott ends up following finds her changing, and she decides to warm him up another way.. by embracing him... cue.. the inevitible really. 

It feels organic though: The two are clearly attracted to each other and while Scott came on as strong as freaking colossus, he still rebounded well once they hung out and he could relax a bit and show the scott underneath the lairs of dumbass. The two end up cuddling in bed and Scott seems..genuiley happy saying he needed this... awwwwwww. They part the next morning with him asking her to his band’s performance. 

So Scott finds Wallace  at home who says what Scott needs to hear “You need to break up with your fake highschool girlfriend scott’ Granted the entire first 40 pages could’ve been titled that but now he’s actively cheating. He’s also got a letter. 

It’s a death threat Scott barely grazes through, just like an email earlier. 

But scott’s more concerned with his emotional distress.. i.e. the consequences of his throughly shitty actions finally hitting him in the face. 

Scott heads to practice for his gig and can’t bring himself to break up with knives, but does find out about the opposition: Crash and the Boys, based on an NES game title because of course it is. Crash, their leader, Joel their baseplayer who scott hates because he hates all other baseplayers (”I don’t hate myself kim) and Trasha, an 8 year old progedy they found playing Drum Mania. Don’t ask me what that is, i’m not going to get every refrence. 

So at the show Scott runs into Stacey and her new boyfriend Jimmy  with Stacey being supportive. And then Knives shows up and then RAMONA SHOWS UP. Oh no scott’s cheating might be discovered! 

So Scott books it while we’re introduced to Crash and the Boys. Wallace heckles them, to the band’s annoyance, until they eventually get fed up and we easly get the best gag of the volume. I was wrong this clearly tops the tea thing. 

So Crash and The Boys continue to play their set, including a song that supposdely kills the audience but really knocks them out.. which of course bothers kim because they play next. Meanwhile Ramona and Stacey meet and the two really get along.. and come back to find the audience ko’d and Wallace Making out with Stacey’s boyfriend. Oh no! Which is a dick move, no question. But Stacey’s next move is questionable even for a 19 year old: She says “You won’t steel another guy from me and tells wallace to sit over there”. Okay Stacey even if he is bi, and this series has trouble with the concept of bisexuals we’ll get into that later trust me, he made out with someone else entirely while on a date with you. Wallace is still an asshole, it’s part of his charm.. but it dosen’t change the fact your date kissed someone else seconds after you were gone and has been eyballing him all night, as seen even above. He’s not into you as you thought, just accept it, move on, and kick Jimmy in the balls and then wallace like a proper lady. So Scott prepares to play and this happens

And it’s here, at the very end of the comic the series main premise finally kicks in and the world takes it’s true shape. It’s a world where an indie comedy about a mess of a being putting his life together after finding his dream girl.. also has said mess being forced to get into fist fights with wizards, movie stars, vegans, half-ninjas, twin roboticists and a katana wielding douchenozzle record exec in order to continue to have the right to date his girlfriend. 

It’s where the series charm comes from and really what made it a huge sucess so it’s no suprise this volume perks up immensley for the climax. I’ll get more into it’s pacing problem at the end. For now it’s fight time and as we find out in a hilarious and awesome turn.. Scott is the best fighter in toronto.. which just makes me REALLLY want a Scott Pilgrim version of letterkenny. I mean who wouldn’t want to see wayne fight some guy who can turn his hands into dragons or see Squireely Dan do E.Honda’s hand slap move from streetfighter or see the skids all fuse into one mega emo. It’s just.. the possiblities are as endless as they are wonderous and I want this now. 

But yeah as Patel is both the first boss and Scott’s first real opponent Scott.. handles him really easily. This was by design as O’Malley wanted a shonen progression to the fights.. and honestly it’s a great way to do things. Since the fights are styled after shonen and video games, and both have power based progression in bad guys and threats, it just made sense. Patel.. is just pathetic even with his magic powers, and his habit of sending letters and emails just pounds it in. Though he is right to be a bit pissed Scott didn’t read a letter he hand delivered in a snowstorm. That’s just a tad rude. 

Mid-Fight, Scott, now he knows the whole evil ex boyfriend thing, wonders what Matt and Ramona’s past is and while Matthew refuses to tell.. Ramona spills easily. It was midddle school, all the jocks wanted her for whatever reason, likely because from experince in high school, guys really like indie girls. Matthew was the only non-white non jock, so they teamed up and with her strength and his mystic powers they beat them.. but since his use had dried up, she flipped him off and left.  Matthew dosen’t take this well and summons demon hipster chicks to fight while Scott and co, minus ramona, fight back with a finger gun routine and block his fire balls before propelling Scott into matthew somehow, and landing the KO Evil Exes Left: 6 Matthew bursts into coins though fun fact, O’Malley says the Exes all respawned back at home afterwords and learned their lesson. With Pattel I genuinely don’t think he did... but clearly given his penchant for formality what with the letters and emails, he probably felt it’d break protocol to attack before the rest were done. He probably jsut formed a hipster emo band and found more sucess using his magic for that instead and just forgot about the whole thing. Could be wrong but that’s what i’m going with.  So Scott asks Ramona to go out with him then make out with him, both of which she says yes to. Nice one scotty boy. Ramona then explains the whole evil exes thing: He’ll have to defeat each one as they come after him, and while Scott wonders if they’ll come one at a time Ramona’s not sure. As time will bear out, Scott is MOSTLY correct as most exes take him one on one, with the exception of the twins. But since as I said earlier the twins are basically one person, and as we’ll find out by choice, so it’s an exception. Plus their the last step before the final boss, so by that token it’s a bit fairer to have the penultimate boss get an unfair advantage. Scott is fine with that, he and Ramona share another moment and a kiss.. but Scott makes the mistake of asking if gideon is one and Ramona’s head starts glowing with her dodging the subject, though still going out with SCott and him worried.. it just feels.. off. not a bad ending but the only one of the series three cliffhanger endings that just dosen’t work for me, especailly since it is a bit before the Gideon mystery really picks up steam again. But with that we close this chapter

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Precious Little Life is a decent start to the story.  While Scott is loathsome at first, he’s still a compelling character and does get more likeable as things go, the humor when it is there shines and is one of the series best assets and while the fight is short and only at the end, it is oh so glorious especailly in cover with the impacts taking cues from the movie. It’s a good intro to Scott’s world and ther’es a reason the movie adapts this book the closest as it sets up the cast and premise well, with only Stephen Stiles feeling a bit off and ONLY for the first few chapters.  The volume is only really held back by it’s pacing, as before Scott runs into ramona in his dream the story feels a bit sluggish as we’re just watching some douche date a high school kid. While it is necessary to set up the world, it just dosen’t have the snappy pacing the series would be known for and that makes the rest of the series more charming. it’s nto BAD.. but it’s not FANTASTIC like the series would become. What keeps it from being bad is simple: These aren’t general badness signs but more just O’Malley coming into his owna nd getitng better and better as the book goes, to the point that by the next book the pacing is much better and by book 3 onwards he has it down pat.  Overall not a BAD volume but certaionly the weakest of the bunch.. which given it’s still really good says something about the ride we’re in for. I’ll be back sometime in the future, likely january. Yup i’m taking on YET ANOTHER PROJECT. but since this one, while clearly exausting and time consuimg, is much shorter in overall length, and i’m still proritizing the three I have running over this, I think i’ll be just fine. Until next time, have a happy holiday. 

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Seventy-Four

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: Fluff and smut.

You woke up to the sound of yelling and laughing the next morning. You went into the bathroom to wash-up, threw on some shorts and t-shirt and headed into the kitchen. Anne, Harry, and Gemma were all making breakfast.

“Mornin’, love.” Anne says. “Sorry if we woke yeh.”

“Oh!” You laugh. “No it’s fine, needed to get up anyways.”

You all sit down to breakfast. It was nice having them here. Harry was the most relaxed he’d been in weeks.

“Think I’m gonna take Buster out for a good walk, it’s so nice out.” You say slipping your sneakers on.

“Mind if I join you?” Anne asks.

“Not at all! I’d love it.” You smile. She puts her sneakers on and the two of you head out.

“What’s all tha’ about?” Harry asks Gemma as they go out to sit on the balcony.

“Don’t know.” She shrugs. “Mum gave you a bit of a talk last night, she probably wants to do the same with her. See where her head’s at.”

“You know, I appreciate everyone being so concerned, but at the end of the day it’s our life together, not anyone else’s.”

“Yeah…but you’re her only son, and she’d like for you to only get married once, so she just wants to make sure she’s the right choice. You’ve had a lot of girlfriends Harry.”

“No, I’ve just had a lot of girls.” She punches him in the arm. “Oi!”

“Don’t be a pig.”

“M’not. Just sayin’, really haven’t had a lot of real relationships.”

“Exactly. Probably another concern of mum’s. I mean, you haven’t brought a girl to meet us since you were in high school, Harry.”

“Yeah, yeah. So I suppose you wanna have a private chat with her too?”

“How often are we here to do so?”

“Well, you can do that tomorrow. She told me she’s workin’ from home a couple days to spend time with you and mum.”

“Mum’s plannin’ to go to the studio with you tomorrow so she can watch you in action. She quite likes the park across the street, she’ll probably read there while you’re workin’. So I’ll spend the day with Y/N and Buster. It’ll be nice to have some girl time.”

//

“Good boy Buster!” You say as you pick up his droppings and throw them in the trash. “So much easier when he goes right away, now he can just enjoy the walk.” Anne laughs.

“He’s a very good dog.”

“Yeah, we got lucky.”

“Whose idea was it to get him?”

“Harry’s.” You sigh. “His friend Adam called him and told him he had a fresh litter and we could have one if we wanted. As soon as he showed me the picture I couldn’t say no.” Buster yips. “That’s right, mummy knew right away you were her baby.” You giggle. Anne raises an eyebrow at you. “Sorry, that must sound weird.”

“No, it’s sweet actually. You think of him as your own.”

“It’s hard not to.”

“If you don’t mind me askin’, do you think you’ll want children, eventually?”

“Yeah, eventually. Not anytime soon though. I’m only a couple of classes into my master’s program, and I’d like to have that all settled before I even think about it. I know a dog is way different than having a kid, but it’s already so much extra work making sure he’s taken care of on top of everything else.”

“Mm, and I know my son can be a handful. Quite the baby himself sometimes.” You both laugh.

“Only sometimes, he means well.”

“Can I ask, is this your first serious relationship?”

“Yes and no. This is the longest relationship I’ve had. I’ve certainly never lived with a guy before. I can’t really explain it, Anne, everything just felt right with Harry.”

“You didn’t feel like you were rushin’ when you moved in together or anythin’?”

“To be honest with you, we were practically living together as it was before he asked me if I wanted to.”

“It’s amazing to me. You know there was a girl he was seeing a couple years ago, they were together for like seven months, and he refused to even give her a key to his apartment. Granted, he was a little younger, but still. You’ve definitely had an effect on him.”

“I also chalk it up to a guy’s maturity level. He probably saw his life flash before his eyes you know? Now I think he’s a little more grown up, that’s what Niall tells me at least.” You laugh.

“Very good point. You know we talk weekly, and he always raves about you. Even from the beginning. I could tell he met someone. He didn’t come right out and say it, but he was in such high spirits.”

“Can I ask, when was the first time he mentioned me?”

“Oh god, I think he said he had been seein’ someone, and he was havin’ trouble finding a way to ask you to be his girlfriend. Like, make things official with you. He was scared you were gonna think it was too soon.” You nod and smile. “So I asked him why he wanted to make things official so soon, and he said he didn’t want to risk anyone else scoopin’ yeh up.”

“That sound like something he’d say.” You giggle.

“How did he ask you to be his girlfriend? He never told me, he just said he asked and you said yes.”

Your mind flashes to making out with Harry, drunk, in your old apartment. You let him go down on you for the first time that night.

“Um…we were just hanging out at my place and he asked me if he was my boyfriend…something like that.”

“Not that I didn’t like you before, you know when we met and all that, but when he told me about the party you threw for him for his birthday, and the pearls, that was when I knew I could really trust you with him. He was devastated when he had to sell that necklace. I felt awful for him. He loves his jewelry. He didn’t have the heart to replace it once he could.”

“That means a lot to me to hear you say that.” You both turn around and head back the other way.

“You’re quite the party planner, clearly.”

“I know how to organize a function, that’s for sure. I try to play to my strengths.” You laugh. “I feel like he’s always really happy when he has all of his friends around.”

“Definitely. So…I know it hasn’t quite been a year yet, but I’m a firm believer in when you know you know…” You nod. “If my son asks you to marry him some day…do you think you’d say yes?” You stop short and look at her.

“You mean when your son asks to marry me?” She chuckles and nods. “I would definitely say yes, zero hesitation.” You both start walking again. “Although, I got a bit nervous last night when he called me over to him. When he does it, I don’t want it to be in front of a bunch of people like that. I just want it to be the two of us, you know?”

“Oh definitely. Don’t worry, that certainly wasn’t his plan last night. I think he just wanted you to know you deserved to be celebrated just as much as him.”

“So…from all of this, you’re okay with me becoming part of your family some day?”

“More than okay with it, love.”

You get to the front of your building, and she gives you a hug.

“I’m hopin’ to find out how your mum feels about him. I’m havin’ lunch with her Tuesday.”

“Oh, that’ll be great.” You both enter the lobby and go into the elevator.

“Your dad wasn’t at the party last night.”

“No he was not. He was invited, but he generally doesn’t go to things if my mom is going to be there.”

“Ah, that can be difficult.”

“Do you and your ex husband get along?”

“Well enough, we always put the kids first, that’s all that mattered.” You go inside and Buster goes running towards Harry.

“Hey buddy.” He says petting him. “Good walk?”

“Yup.” You smile.

//

The next day you wish Harry a good first day at the studio and off he goes with Anne. You tell him you and Gemma will be by around lunchtime with Buster.

“So, I’ll be up in the loft working if you need anything.” You say to her.

“Perfect, I’ve got my laptop, I need to work as well, so I may spend some time in the guest room. Let me know when you take him for a walk though, I’ll go with you.”

“Sounds good.”

Buster stays by your side while you work. You zoom into a couple of early morning meetings. Around ten you get the leash on him and knock on the guest room door.

“Ready for a break?” You ask her.

“Yes! Definitely.”

You get to down to the street.

“God, the weather is so much warmer here already than it is back home. Might have to start comin’ here for the summer.” She laughs. “So, what did my mum wanna talk to you about yesterday?”

“What do you mean?”

“C’mon, Y/N, she obviously wanted to talk.”

“You’re very perceptive.” You laugh. “We just talked about your brother. I think she wanted a pulse-check on where I’m at with him.”

“And where are you?” You look at her. “Sorry, I’m sure you’re sick of getting grilled by everyone…he’s just my baby brother, you know?”

“No, no, it’s fine. Basically she asked me what I would say when he eventually proposes and I told her I would say yes.”

“And you don’t feel like it’s too soon or anything? You both are still so young.”

“I know, but neither of us want to be with anyone else. Plus, by the time he does propose, and we pick a date and all that it could be another couple of years before we actually get married.”

“I’ve never seen him so in love, it’s really nice. He’s always been so sweet and considerate, an ally to women’s rights and all that. But when it came to datin’, he was like every other fuck boy out there, I’ll never understand it.” She scoffs.

“I think a lot of guys go through that phase. I had some guy friends in college that were amazing friends, but would treat other girls like shit. It’s not right, but I guess it’s good to get all that out of your system, right?”

“I’m just glad he figured his shit out. Personally, I think you have a great deal of patience to be able to even live with him. He can be a bit of baby, you know?” You start laughing hysterically.

“Your mum said the exact same thing.”

You both turn back and head to the apartment.

“All in all I’m he’s found you. I hope your family feels the same way about him.”

“I think they do…” You get inside and take the leash off Buster. “It’s a bit more complicated with me and them. They’re…a little more apprehensive to trust someone in my life.”

“Why’s that? If you don’t mind me asking…”

It dawns on you that Harry probably never told Gemma about what happened to you.

“Um…I’ve just been burned in the past, and I’m the baby, I know Harry’s the youngest too, but my siblings actually helped change my diapers. I’m more than just a little sister, you know?”

“Oh sure. Plus I can imagine it’s tough for your parents to see their last kid growin’ up so much.”

“Exactly. I think they’re happy that I’m happy. I’ll be curious to see how our moms do at lunch together.”

“To be a fly on the wall, right?”

//

At noon you and Gemma head to the studio with Buster. Him and Mariah were working in separate areas, snapping away. You walk up to Isaac.

“Got a dog biscuit for him, can I give him one?”

“Only if he does a trick for you.”

“Alright, sit Buster.” He does so. “Good boy!” He gives him the biscuit. “Got a little bed for him right here behind my desk.”

“Go ahead baby, sit with Uncle Isaac.”

Buster looks at you and then goes to plop down in his bed.

“It’s been busy all morning. Lot of senior photos. It’s great having the park right there, they’ve both been able to take pictures of the kids by the trees and stuff.”

“That’s great!”

“Thought one girl was going to wet her pants when she first met Harry, poor thing.”

“Oh no, why?” Gemma asks.

“Oh, honey, I know he’s your brother, but he’s hotter than sin. If I were a little seventeen year old girl, my god, I don’t know what I’d do if I had that man standing right in front of me with a camera telling me to smile.” You burst out laughing, which catches Harry’s attention. He looks over at you and his sister and shakes his head. “He should be done any minute. He wanted to get some inside shots with that one.”

“No problem, it’s why there’s a waiting area right?” You and Gemma sit down on the comfy chairs.

Harry walks the young girl up to Isaac.

“When’s your mum gettin’ back?”

“I’ll text her now to let her know I’m done.” She smiles. “Thanks for showing me some of them. I’m gonna tell all my friends to come to you this summer.” Isaac hands her one of Harry’s business cards. Buster comes sniffing around. “Oh!” She squeals.

“That’s my boy, Buster. You can pet him if you want.” The girl beams at him and crouches down to pet him. Her mother comes rushing inside the studio.

“Sorry, honey, long line at Dunkin. All set?”

“Yeah! They look great already.”

“When can we expect them?”

“Couple of weeks, I’ll need to sit and edit them. Then you’ll get an email with a link to our site, and you can pick which ones you want to purchase. I’ll send you the files electronically cause I know the schools prefer that for the yearbook, and I’ll email you all the actual prints.”

“That sounds great. I have to say too, you have the fairest prices for everything. I’ve told a few of the other parents about you and Mariah.”

“Thanks! We really appreciate that.” He smiles. “Isaac, m’goin’ to lunch, can you wrap this up?”

“You got it.” He smiles.

“Wanna eat outside? It’s beautiful out…mum’s already out there.”

“Sure! What she pick up?”

“Salad and sandwiches I think.” He wraps an arm around you. “Buster!” He whistles to him and grabs his leash.

You all walk across the street to the park and sit with Anne at one of the picnic benches. It’s a great lunch. You like spending time with them.

//

The next day Anne borrows Harry’s car to go meet your mom for lunch at a halfway point. Harry had Mariah come pick him up so you’d have your car to go to therapy later.

“Hi, Lynn!” Anne says to your mom.

“Oh, hi!” she laughs. “Hope this wasn’t too hard for you to find.”

“Not at all.” She smiles. They’re both seated fairly fast. “I’m so glad we could do this.”

“Me too. Y/N speaks the world of you and Gemma, I was wondering when we’d get a chance to meet you. It was such a nice surprise for Harry.”

“I felt horrible keepin’ such a secret from him. But last month when Y/N called me told me she wanted to surprise him, I had to jump in on it.”

“She’s the queen of surprises.” Your mom laughs.

“They’re a lovely couple, don’t you think?” Your mom nods in agreement. “You met my son by accident, right? At the mall?”

“God, I completely forgot about that. That’s right, we bumped into him and Niall. He was very funny, and he wouldn’t let me pay for lunch, quite the gentleman.” She smiles.

“What did you think about when they moved in together so quickly?”

“Well…to be honest I wasn’t thrilled, but it’s not my life.” She shrugs. “It wasn’t that I didn’t like Harry either, I would have been concerned with anyone she was dating.” Anne nods. “Y/N’s always been very independent, moves to the beat of her own drum. She’s got a different way of seeing things.”

“She’s very bright.”

“You have no idea! I feel like each one of my kids just kept getting smarter and smarter.” She laughs and then sighs. “I can’t get too much into it because I know she’d be upset with me if I tell you this, but my daughter has been through…something tragic…something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Something I never thought would happen to any of my kids. She’s made it through and she’s very strong, but when her and Harry started getting serious, I did get worried. I’m not worried anymore though. I can see how much he cares for her, and she’s happy. Her siblings are very protective of her too, as I’m sure Gemma is of Harry.”

“Oh my, of course. I’m sorry to hear she’s been through something…” She looks down at her food then back to your mom. “She’s the baby of your family too, I can see you all wanting to watch her like a hawk.”

“Her father especially so.” She takes a sip of water. “I’m sorry he wasn’t there last night for you to meet him.”

“That’s alright, I’m sure in time we will. Harry told me he was a great help in gettin’ the studio together.”

“He’s nothing if not handy.” She smiles.

“Lynn…my son wants to marry your daughter.” Your mom nearly spits out her drink. “Jesus, I’m sorry.” She hands her a napkin.

“When exactly does he plan to do that?”

“I’m not sure…he’s not plannin’ to propose for another few months, but it’s comin’. I gave him my blessing. I think the world of your daughter.” There’s an awkward pause. “I hope you’ll accept my son the way I’ve accepted her.”

“It’s not that I don’t accept him…it just feels so fast!” She sighs. “But who am I to say anything? At the end of the day she’s going to be asked a question, and it’s her choice to say yes or no. I’ll back her up no matter what.” She chews on her lip. “Her father, however, he’ll be happy for her at first, but he’ll find a way to ruin it. I try not to speak poorly of my ex, but he’s an asshole.”

Anne bursts out laughing.

“That’s quite alright.”

“He just always finds a way to be negative, and he’ll ask them a million questions. Everything always comes down to money. I know she’ll want a nice, big wedding too. And he’ll say ‘well, wouldn’t you rather save that money and put it towards something important’. As if he and I didn’t have a wedding like everyone else.”

“Did you get married in a temple?”

“We did.” She smiles. “It was really informal. I wore a purple pantsuit.” She laughs. “I was already pregnant with our first daughter, Bridget, so I didn’t exactly want to be a in a white dress. It was a nice ceremony though, good reception.”

“Harry told me if they have kids they’d raise them as Jewish…”

“Are you okay with that? Having Jewish grand-babies?”

“Sure.” She shrugs. “He said they’d still do Christmas and Easter, of course.”

“My son’s wife isn’t Jewish, they make it work just fine. Erica’s boyfriend isn’t Jewish either, we’re not a super conservative family in that sense. Do you think he’d want the wedding overseas?”

“No, not with so much of your family here. We have a small family. And a lot of his friends are here now anyways, only a few he sees back home.” She takes a sip of her drink. “I know this conversation may seem a little premature, but I wanted to have it with you in person while I was here.”

“I understand completely. I’m glad we were able to do this.”

//

You and Gemma cook dinner together so Harry would have something to eat when he got home. You’d mostly likely be home after him.

“Well, I’ll see you both in a bit.” You smile. You had your gym clothes on, you didn’t really feel like explaining you were going to therapy.

“Alright dear, see you soon.” Anne says.

She told you all about her lunch with your mom and how well it went. You texted your mom a big thank you right after.

“How are you Y/N?”

“Really good actually.”

“Did you just come from the gym?”

“No, I just put this on because Harry’s mum and sister are staying with us, and I didn’t want to explain I was going to therapy…”

“Ah, I see.”

“I didn’t know if they’d ask why I was going to therapy, and I just didn’t want to get into it.”

“I understand.” She smiles. “How did the studio opening go?”

“Oh my god, it was incredible!”

//

Harry gets in around 6:30, and smiles when he sees his sister and mum. He grabs the dinner you had texted him about and sits down on the sofa with them.

“How was day two?” Gemma asks.

“Great! It was nice to have Buster with me the whole day, right buddy?” He hips and sits at their feet. “Sure he misses his mum though.”

“She’s been at the gym a while.” Anne says. “Does she always go for so long?”

“Gym?”

“Yeah, she had her gym clothes on, I just assumed that’s where she went.”

“Hm.”

You get in around 7PM and see them all watching TV. Harry gets up after you say hello and follows you to the bedroom.

“Hi.” He says.

“Hi, how was your day?”

“Good, busy.” You hum your response and find some sweats to put on.

“A.C.’s up a bit high.” You chuckle as you pulls some sweatpants on.

“Did you go to the gym?”

“So, I went to see Dr. Mara, why?”

“My mum said you went to the gym, that’s all.”

“No, I just put gym clothes on to make them think that’s where I was going. They don’t know I go to therapy Harry, and then don’t need to.”

“It’s a perfectly normal thing to say you’re doin’.”

“Yeah, but what if they asked why?” You look at him. “See? Not a good answer for that, is there. I don’t exactly feel comfortable telling your mum and sister that I was assaulted.” You whisper.

“Okay, yeah, that’s fair.” He wraps his arms around you. “I feel like I miss you.” He buries his face in your neck.

“Aw, why?” You rub his back up and down.

“I don’t know…haven’t been able to cuddle much.”

“Can’t cuddle with your mum and sister sitting on the sofa with us.” You kiss his cheek and hold him tight. “They probably think something’s going on here as it is, let’s go sit with them, hm?”

“No.”

“Harry.”

“No, I’m tired, and I’m sick of TV for the night. I feel like readin’.”

“So, we can watch TV and you can read. We’ll go to bed early so we can cuddle for a bit, okay?”

“Fine.” He grabs his book and his glasses and follows you out.

Harry sits down and yanks you into his lap.

“Harry, I-“

“S’fine, love, you can sit with him.” Anne says. “It’s your home, after all.”

The three of you watch TV for a bit while Harry reads. Around nine you and Harry tell them you’re heading to bed. You say goodnight to Buster and go into your room. You both do your usual routine and get into bed.

“Wouldja just lay on top of me?”

“I know what that’s going to lead to, and I don’t feel-“

“Y/N! I’m not fuckin’ around, come here!” He pulls you on top of him and you swat at his chest.

“Shhhh, do you want them to hear you?”

“I don’t give a fuck.” He holds you tight to his chest and strokes the back of your head. You relax into him. “See, isn’t this nice?” You both chuckle.

“Shut up.” He kisses your hairline as you nuzzle into him. “They’ll only be here two more days, Harry. You should make the most of it.”

“I am makin’ the most of it. Mum and Gem are both comin’ to the studio tomorrow since you’re back to work. I just think we should be able to do whatever we want even if they’re here.”

“Well, I feel weird about it. It’s icky.”

“Icky?” He laughs.

“Yeah, do you really want them to know what it sounds like when we’re fucking?”

“Babe, I’m sure they’ve heard me before. I used to sneak my girlfriends over all the time.”

“How nice for you.” You say sarcastically.

“I just wanna love on yeh, is that so bad?”

You smile at him and kiss him. His hands slide down to your ass, and he lightly squeezes you. You moan softly against his lips. You feel him getting hard against you and you can’t help but grind against him. He pushes his hips up towards you as you grind down again. You put your hand over his mouth just as he’s about to moan.

“We have to be so quiet.”

Harry nods yes. You tug his boxers down slightly, and move your panties over. He slides right in.

“Oh my g-“ You put put your hand back over his mouth.

“Yes, I’m really wet, we been knew, now shh.” You whisper in his ear.

You keep your hand on his mouth, and your face is buried in his neck. His hands move to your hips to rock you back and forth on him. You both were under the covers, causing you to sweat more than usual, but it helped muffle the noise.

Harry wanted it to last as long as possible, you just felt so good. He wanted to tell you how good you felt, but your hand was still over his mouth. Your other hand moves to grip at his hair when he takes a hand to rub at your clit. You bite down on his shoulder. Your hand moves from his mouth to grip the pillow bellow him. You grind against him faster and he does all he can to not let out a noise.

“I needja to kiss me.” He breathes. “Please.”

You crash your lips to his and you both moan into each other. He rubs his fingers faster on your clit. Your back arches and you gasp as you release around him. As you tighten around him he comes up inside you, causing you to moan. You clap your hand over your mouth and press your forehead to his as he thrusts up one last time.

“Shit.” You say against his lips.

“So fucking good.” He breathes.

You get off him slowly and roll onto your back. You wiggles your panties off and sigh. You get up and go use the toilet. When you’re done you come back over to him and lay your head on his chest. He rubs your back slowly.

“Do you ever think…neither of us zero self control?” You ask giggling. “I mean, we can’t go two nights without fucking? What other couples do you know have sex as often as we do?” Harry starts laughing too, and kisses your forehead.

“I hope to God we always stay one of those couples that can’t keep their hands off each other.”

//

The next morning you’re up and out early. You decide to bring Buster to work with you since you missed him so much yesterday. Anne is out on the balcony sipping her coffee while Harry and Gemma have breakfast.

“Sleep well?” He asks her.

“Yeah, it’s a comfy bed. You?”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll bet.” She smirks. Harry raises an eyebrow at her while he sips his coffee.

“What do yeh mean by tha’?” She puts her hand on his shoulder.

“I think you know.” She winks and walks out of the kitchen.

//

“Thank god you’re back.” Niall says, coming into your office. “Hate when you take two days off in a row.” He pouts.

“Technically I wasn’t off.” Buster runs towards Niall.

“I was talkin’ to the dog.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” You both laugh.

“So how have the last couple days been with Anne and Gem here?”

“Really good actually. I’ve had some good talks with them. I think Harry’s been enjoying spending time with them. I think it really helped relax him, you know?”

“Yeah I’ve texted him a bit, he’s really busy with work already, it’s great.”

“I’m so proud of him. I think he prefers getting to take pictures of people.”

“Oh, for sure.”

//

Before you know it, you and Harry are driving Anne and Gemma to the airport Thursday evening. Everyone hugs and kisses goodbye.

“So, we’ll see you in July?” Anne asks.

“Yup.” Harry smiles. “Have a safe flight, let me know when you land.”

You both get back in the car. Harry kisses your hand as he drives off.

“Thanks again for gettin’ them here. It was great.”

“Of course! I know it meant a lot to you to have them there for the opening.” You take your phone out and connect it to the Bluetooth. “Now, we need to listen to the Weeknd because the concert is only a month away and I want to make sure you know all of the songs, okay?”

“I know quite a few.”

“Not off his new album! We’re going to be so close to the stage, what if he looks out to us and doesn’t see you mouthing the words because you don’t know it? You’ll look like such a local.”

“A local?” He laughs. “What the fuck is a local?” You sigh heavily. “Okay, okay, why don’t we play it when we get home? I’ll fuck you to it how you like.” Your mouth falls open. “Would yeh like that?”

“Yes.” You nod excitedly.

Harry takes Buster out quick when you get home and you run off to the bedroom. You decide to put some lingerie on. The black lace bodysuit. You get the music started and lay on your stomach. Harry gets Buster tucked into his dog bed and sprints to the bedroom.

“Oh, wow.” He says. You make a come here motion with your finger and sit up on your knees.

He cups your face in his hands and kisses you, like really kisses you. His tongue molds to yours and you moan into his mouth. You tug at the hem of his shirt and he lifts it off. You run your hands over his tattoos. You felt like you hadn’t been able to really touch him for a while.

“Tonight.” He says against your lips. “We’re takin’ our time.”

[saneatsrice]

choi san: loving the babysitter pt. 1

summary: san needs community service hours in order to keep his position on the school basketball team and y/n needs money to help pay off the debt left behind by her father, what are the odds of them starting a romantic journey at a daycare center?

pairing: basketball player! san x babysitter! reader

warning: none

author’s note: I came up with this idea through an AU generator because I was in a writing mood but had no clue what to write LOLL, let me know if you want this to be a series because I have a few ideas but I’m not sure if I should continue writing this. also, it’s currently unedited because I’m lazy and brain dead but I’ll fix it later I swear! please enjoy :))

word count: 6052

y/n has a lot of weight to carry over her shoulders for a high school student. throughout her high school journey, she has had to carry out countless part time jobs in order to help her mother pay off the debt her father had left behind after gambling away their life savings and then fleeing the country, causing the two women to work in order to stop it from growing. this year being her last year of high school, y/n has to think about her future and how she will be able to pay off the additional college tuition once she graduates this year and begins applying for grants and scholarships. however, after getting fired from her last job, finding a new job that is accepting of her schedule due to school is immensely difficult.

as she was giving up hope, y/n came across a sign as she was walking home from school that read treasure daycare and saw a sign on the window of the small building that said “looking for babysitters”.

y/n being desperate to help with the family income and building up a savings account for her college funds, she decided there wasn’t any harm in applying. as she look through the window to see if anyone was in the building, her eyes landed on three toddlers sitting on the fluffy carpet. there were two little boys who were playing with blocks and laughing every time they accidentally knocked down the structure. however, the third little boy was sitting alone on the edge of the carpet drawing little shapes into the floor. soon y/n’s eyes land on tall figure with brown hair and a puppy-like face. y/n recognized him as yunho from her economics class, a boy who always knew how to make everyone smile and laugh even when they are having a bad day. yunho waves from the inside and runs to the sliding door to open it for y/n to enter. 

“hello y/n, what brings you here?” yunho asked while having that award winning smile on his face. 

y/n smiles back at yunho and replies, “I saw that sign on the door and was wondering who should I talk to in order to apply for the job”.

yunho beckons the girl to come into the room and leaders her to the middle of the room. “you can sit there while I go get my manager” yunho says while pointing to a plastic, toddler sized chair which causes y/n to laugh and walk towards the tiny seat to rest. As yunho goes, into the back room, she sees the two boys who were previously playing with the blocks, run over to her full of energy.

“hi my name is wooyoung and this is my best friend yeosang”, the little boy with purple hair says with a smile on his face while intertwining his small chubby hand with the little brown haired boy next to him.

“hello, what is your name?” the brown haired boy asked while hiding behind his wooyoung which did not help him any as he was taller than wooyoung. 

“my name is y/n and I hope I will be able to work here and get to know you two cuties” y/n replies with a smile on her face, wanting nothing more than to squish the two little boys’ cheeks due to their look of awestruck as they think about the potential of having another babysitter to play with.

soon yunho comes back into the room with an older man who has black hair following behind him looking as serious as ever. it honestly scared y/n a little bit along with wooyoung and yeosang as they ran to hide behind y/n’s side and hugged her on each side. the mysterious man realizes there are still children present and his eyes turn into a more gentle manner.

“i am sorry for scaring you kids, my name is park seonghwa, I am the manager at treasure daycare, I heard from yunho you wanted to apply for a job here, is that true?” seonghwa asked.

“yes, I was hoping to find a job to be able to sustain a family income in order to help my mom and college tuition is not getting any cheaper, so I am willing to take any job possible to help out my family” y/n replied while putting her arms around the two kids who have yet to let go of her. 

“well I can see the kiddos have already taken a liking to you and yunho really took his time begging me to hire you while bragging about how responsible you are and all that positive stuff to me so you’re hired” seonghwa says chuckling once he sees yunho turn red and whining to him about how he wasn’t supposed to tell y/n that.

after y/n thanked him, seonghwa began explaining the expectations for the babysitting job along with giving y/n her schedule. he mentioned how there were only three kids that y/n would ever have to take care of and entertain.

y/n quickly warms up to wooyoung and yeosang on her first day as they drag her off to play with them immediate but continues to look at the third child and wonders why he never joins them to play games or why he sits on the far end of the table by himself away from the other kids. he only sticks to seonghwa who seems to be the only one who is capable of getting him out of his bubble. 

after wooyoung and yeosang is picked up by wooyoung’s brother hongjoong who came after attending his afternoon class, y/n decided it was time to make an attempt to get closer to the unknown baby. as y/n approached the baby, he began to crawl away from her clutching onto his apple tightly as if he has been wanting to eat it but can’t bite through the hard shell. 

“hey buddy, did you want me to cut the apple for you?” y/n asked after watching him struggle to break the apple in half for a few minutes.

the little boy nods and hands y/n the apple where she holds the apple in the middle and breaks it in half perfectly. the boy looks at her in awe and for the first time, she saw him smile as she hands him the apple for him to munch on. 

“what is your name little boy?” y/n asks after she sees him happily take small bites out of the apple and smiles when he looks up at her with a shocked expression. 

“jongho,” the little boy replies giving her a gummy smile after getting the attention he lacks outside of the daycare center, but that story is for another time.

after that encounter, jongho began to open up more to y/n and created a strong relationship with her as he began to babble and speak the few words he knew to communicate with her. she used her time at the center to be able to teach jongho more words, basic knowledge a toddler should know before hitting preschool, and how to find joy in little activities such as drawing, running around the playground, and even breaking apples in half because he seemed super excited every time y/n did it. although y/n still made the efforts to spend time with wooyoung and yeosang, she felt more drawn to jongho as she spent most of her time with him to make sure he never felt neglected or alone in the daycare center. 

she began to notice how every time jongho’s brother came to pick him up, jongho’s smile would turn into a frown and his eyebrows become more knitted showing that he was irritated. y/n knew jongho’s brother from school as he was in her economics and english class and he is most well known for being the captain of Utopia High School basketball team. jongho’s brother was none other than the infamous choi san, who always had a cute eye smile around school that showcased his prominent dimples and his determination and serious face when he is on the court. 

san never uttered a word to y/n whenever he came to pick up jongho. he would just grab the pen with an irritated look on his face, sign his name in order to check jongho out of the daycare, grab jongho’s stuff, and walk out the daycare center with jongho attempting to keep up with his brother’s much longer legs. however, before leaving the door, jongho never failed to give y/n a hug and dig his face into her shoulder when she lifted him up so she did not have to crouch to his height and strain her back. 

everyday became a routine for y/n, she would always walk to school with her best friend mingi, who always made sure she had her breakfast and caught her up on notes that she may have missed due to stressing over her family situation. after school was over, she would walk to the treasure daycare and take care of the three toddlers she has created a soft spot for, especially jongho, and wait until all the kids are picked up by their guardian, and cleans and locks up the place with whoever seems to be working the same shift as her (most of the time it’s seonghwa). 

y/n loves her job as she adores the three adorable children she gets to play and nurture as they grow older and socialize with her two fellow coworkers which she later learned are just softies despite their tall statures. y/n learned how seonghwa is currently attending Aurora University along with hongjoong and works in the daycare center in order to earn money to pay off his college debt. she learned how yunho was san’s best friend and would’ve played basketball with him if it did not involve so much aggression and violence and thus, his friendly giant nature was better served in the daycare center where he could earn his community service hours and play with kids who share the same happy-go-lucky personality he has. the babysitting trio begins to get to know each other better and establish strong friendships. little did they know, their trio would soon be gaining another person. 

choi san spends all his time practicing basketball in order to improve his skills and due to the fact that he is a candidate for a basketball scholarship as aurora university, he does not want to lose the opportunity of obtaining it. all his time goes to practicing that he neglects his other scholarly requirements to graduate, specifically, community service hours. due to his lack of community service hours, the administration building asserts to san that if he cannot earn at least fifty hours by the time basketball season starts, they will take away his title as captain of the basketball team, which gives him a disadvantage in receiving his scholarship.

thinking quickly, he runs to find his best friend yunho on campus to seek advice on what he should do. he quickly spots the six foot giant about to exit the school gates and sprints to him, who stops abruptly after hearing loud footsteps and causes the basketball captain to run into his back.

“oh hey san, why are you on the floor? is it that comfy?” yunho asks with a goofy smile on his face while his best friend is fuming while rubbing his slightly red nose.

“who just stops in the middle of an entrance yunho?! anyways that’s not the point, the administration office just talked to me about lacking community service hours and told me if I don’t get fifty hours by the time basketball season starts, which is in three months, they’re going to take my captain title away from me. no captain title means bye bye scholarship, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!” san begins rambling and pulling at his hair without getting up from the ground.

“okay calm down, look, I think the babysitting center that I volunteer at still has one slot open where you can volunteer, it��s five days a week for like four maybe five hours. before you start worrying about your practice days, seonghwa is pretty lenient on shift hours. even with missing the few days basketball practice is on, it is enough to be able to get you to have an abundant amount of hours to clear fifty by the time the basketball season starts. plus after your shift, you can just pick up jongho afterwards and go straight home” yunho replies in the midst of san’s panic which causes san’s eyes to light up as he jumps up and koala hugs yunho, not caring about the weird stares he was getting from the other students who were leaving school.

“I have never loved your clumsy, giant self more than I do right now. what are we waiting for, let’s go to the daycare center” san says in an excited manner, while clinging onto yunho.

“uhh, can you get off me first?” yunho asks feeling uncomfortable after finally noticing the stares the pair were getting from their student body. 

the two begin their walk to the daycare center and when the open the door, they see seonghwa attempting to clean up after wooyoung and yeosang who continue to get paint all over the table. however, san’s eyes immediately goes to the girl holding his little brother in her lap as he holds a blue color pencil in his left hand, drawing quietly.

y/n look up and asks, “are you here to pick up jongho already? you’re a lot earlier than usual.” all while tilting her head in a confused manner and holding the little boy who looks grumpy at the sight of his brother and turns to hold onto y/n’s neck, resting his head on her shoulder in a direction where he cannot see his brother.

“actually no, I was hoping there was another opening for the job here because I need a lot of community service hours for school”, san replies which caught seonghwa’s attention as he tosses the rag to yunho asking him to clean up the paint and pulls san to the back room to talk to him.

in the back room, seonghwa drags san to sit in a chair, his nurturing, child friend persona gone, as his face turns into one of a strict, militant leader. (I don’t know how to put links to gifs on tumblr but just imagine like wonderland seonghwa’s stage presence LOL).

“I understand how much basketball means to you, but i do not want you to neglect your duties at treasure daycare because of it. these kids are too pure for the world and deserves all the love and attention, if you can’t do that, you can find somewhere else to get your hours. these kids mean everything to me and if you as so much make them cry or put aside their feelings, I will not hesitate to fire you and hit you with my broom.” seonghwa says effectively scaring san as he hears him gulp his saliva nervously while nodding in a quick manner, wanting to go back out to main room as soon as possible. 

seonghwa moves to walk back to the room where everyone else was and changes his face back to his motherly persona. he walks towards y/n and puts his arms out, signalling y/n to hand jongho over to him. obeying his command, y/n places jongho in his arms and in response, jongho wraps his arms around seonghwa.

“y/n, I need you to train the newbie. I would but there is just too much to clean around here and if it’s not spotless in the next hour I will lose my mind. this mess is not good for my mental state and makes me incapable of dealing with stupid people today so please handle the newbie for me” seonghwa commands while rubbing his temples.

y/n nods and gives jongho a kiss on the forehead before going to the back room to find san. she finds him except he looks like he’s seen a ghost. she then approaches him and taps his should which he in turns screams about how he understands and to not get the broom. y/n confused as ever begins by introducing herself.

“hello san, my name is y/n, you may or may not know me from your economics or english class but seonghwa wants me to train you for your job here”, y/n says while smiling at the boy who is finally regaining his sanity after his little outburst.

san reaches to shake her hand and then introduces himself, still recovering from the verbal beating he had gotten from seonghwa without y/n’s knowledge of what had occurred in the back room as of recently. 

for the rest of the day y/n is describing the certain tasks that san will have to take on during his shift from washing the dirty dishes, setting up the cots for nap time, and playing with the three toddlers, much to jongho’s dismay. the more y/n was around san, the more she noticed how uninterested he was in working at the daycare center, as he was mostly staring out the window or the clock wondering when he can finally go home. seonghwa had asked y/n to lock up after she left as he had a night class today and yunho had taken the kids outside to watch the sunset and have a small picnic in the yard. as they were the only two in the room, she thought maybe conversing with him would make him feel more comfortable working at the daycare center. 

“so I heard you’re really good at basketball, how’s that going?” y/n asked while smiling at the boy who had snapped out of his daze out the window.

“I could be at the basketball court right now instead of here with a bunch of children and dirty dishes” san mumbled which caused y/n to frown at his attitude.

“but looking past the dirty dishes, this place is amazing. they have the cutest kids who have the warmest hearts and brightest smiles. I am so thankful that seonghwa hired me as I got the opportunity to meet the sweetest kids and the most amazing coworkers”, y/n says optimistically, her resolve beginning to break after dealing with san for the past five hours.

“these kids wouldn’t know what working hard is like, I waste my time here doing everything for them instead of them learning to do it themselves” san mumbles in reply which is becomes y/n’s breaking point.

“that’s it. I am so fed up with your stupid grumpy attitude. I tried so hard to get you to warm up and make you enjoy your job. but you only think about yourself and what your interests are. can’t you be selfless for once in your damn life and think about someone other than yourself. you have no idea what it is like to work for the benefit of helping others as all you think about is your stupid basketball. you try having to work countless job to be able to provide for your family and paying of the debt your father created after he left your mom to deal with. that is the life I am trying to keep these kids from experiencing. if constantly babying them prevents them from going through what I had to as a child, I would sacrifice anything for them to never have to even see what that life is like” y/n says with a ferocity that san has never seen, it was incomparable to the most aggressive basketball players he’s seen. the difference was behind y/n’s eyes there was a hint of pain behind them.

y/n threw down the rag she was holding from cleaning the water around the sink and walked out the back room, as far from san as possible. she walked outside towards yunho and the kids with an irritated look on her face. jongho noticing her distress, waddles his way to her and hugs her legs as a way of comfort. y/n picks him up and hugs him, trying her hardest not to cry at the thought of jongho, wooyoung, and yeosang having to go through the experience she had as a child. yunho notices y/n on the verge of tears and begins worrying for her and asks, “y/n, are you feeling alright?”

y/n uses her arm that was not carrying jongho to wipe the tears borderline from falling from her eyes. “yes, I just got a little frustrated with san, training him made me a little stressed out” y/n replied feeling jongho tighten his grip on her at the mention of his brother’s name.  

“san is really hard headed at times and doesn’t think about anything but basketball, but deep down, he’s super nice goofball who’s just buried under a lot of stress” yunho reasoned while cleaning up the paper plates and plastic utensils the kids had used to eat during their picnic.

y/n began patting jongho’s back as he was dosing of on her shoulder, nuzzling himself into the crook of her neck. she noticed someone was staring at her and looked towards the sliding door. she saw san standing by the window looking in her direction, specifically at his little brother asleep on her shoulder with a little drool sticking out of his mouth. he opened the sliding door and walked towards the pair. he noticed how his y/n’s face turned colder the closer he came towards her and his little brother. he sat down next to y/n as she tried to avoid eye contact with him as much as possible, turned her body away from the star basketball player, and clutched onto jongho tighter in order to comfort herself.

“listen y/n I’m sorry, I had no idea what you went through in your childhood years. I was being insensitive to your feelings and generosity while you were training me. I really appreciate you taking time out of playing with the kids to be able to make me a better worker. I also want to apologize for being so selfish and only thinking about my basketball career when I have three other children to care for now. I will try to be a better babysitter and take the workload off your shoulders and hopefully work my way up to being your friend eventually if you allow me to”, san said while pouting and looking down at the grass that suddenly seemed like the most interesting thing in the world. 

y/n smiled and scooted closer to san. with her free hand that was not holding onto jongho, she put her hand on his should in order to comfort and coax him out of his guilt. “I understand how much basketball means to you and how passionate you are in pursuing your hobbies, I guess I forgot what it was like to enjoy your favorite activities and took it a little too hard on you. after my dad left, I had to give up drawing and art classes as it became too expensive for my mom to pay for. I guess I had to grow up a lot faster than the kids around me and I was never allowed to develop a passion that I could really enjoy. that’s why when I started working here, I wanted wooyoung, yeosang, and jongho to never have to grow up faster than they need to and find things they can enjoy for themselves, instead of having fate choose their paths for them,” y/n said sadly while looking at san, trying her hardest not to let any tears fall.

san closed the space between him and y/n and pulled her into a side hug as best he could as it was hard to due to the fact that he did not want to wake up his little brother that was in her other arm. when y/n was in san’s arms, she used her one arm to awkwardly pat his shoulder as a sign that she forgave him for his rotten attitude from earlier and acknowledges his attempt in comforting her. she leaned her head onto his shoulder and let her tears fall freely as she began having flashbacks of her father packing his suitcases and leaving her and her mother with a large amount of debt for the two to pay off. 

san began noticing his sweater getting wet and hugged onto her tighter, letting her use his sweater as her personal tissue, not minding the amount of tears and snot that was being spilled on it. he began to rub her back and whispered the best comforting words he could as he has never been in a situation where he had to make a girl feel better since he has spent all his time playing basketball. the closest thing he’s had to a girlfriend was his basketball for christ sake. y/n began giggling at his efforts to get her stop crying and lifted her face for san to see her beautiful smile to which he returned with his closed eyed smiles that showed his adorable dimples.

in the distance however, yunho was holding wooyoung and yeosang in both his arms awkwardly, not knowing whether he should interrupt the potential romantic moment to tell them to go inside before they start getting mosquito bites or leave them alone to have their moment and take the other two boys inside before they freeze their little toddler bums off. he looked at wooyoung who was smiling at the scene in front of them and then looked at yeosang who was hiding his face in yunho’s hoodie afraid that he will see the two kiss, causing san catch cooties from y/n. 

deciding to go with the poor boy hiding , he moves his face towards the mop of brown hair hiding in his hoodie he loudly whispers in his ear “is telling them to go inside the daycare center the move?” causing the little yeosang to lift his head to look at yunho in question.

wooyoung catching onto what yunho was saying immediately, decides to make an executive decision without consulting his fellow third wheelers by screaming, “SAN, Y/N, YUNHO THINKS THAT YOU SHOULD STOP SHARING COOTIES AND COME INSIDE BEFORE THE LITTLE BUGGIES GIVE YOU OUCHIES!!” leaving yunho to face palm and yeosang to follow yunho’s action only for him to whine when he hit his forehead a little too hard, causing yunho to move his hand to lightly rub the poor boy’s red spot on his forehead. 

this made y/n and san turn their head towards the giant babysitter sitting on picnic blanket with the two toddlers on each thigh. wooyoung bouncing with a proud aura around him, thinking he was being a big boy and helping yunho take charge. while yeosang had little tears in his eyes as the impact of hitting his forehead too hard was finally setting in, making a stinging feeling spread through his head. 

meanwhile, jongho wakes up from wooyoung’s loud voice and lets out a whine as he rubs the sleep from his eyes with his little chubby baby fists. his eyes land on y/n above him to which he readjusts his grip on her neck reaches up to kiss her cheek. he then turns to look next to y/n where he spots his brother with his arms around y/n. seeing this, jongho springs to action by reaching towards his brother and using his little hand to push his brother’s face away from y/n. due to the force of little jongho’s hands, san ended up falling backwards, his head landing into a puddle of mud. y/n cringed a little at the poor boy’s predicament while the other four boys began laughing pointing at san’s now muddy hair, with yunho laughing the loudest of the bunch. 

y/n stood up with jongho in her arm and used her free arm to reach out and help san stand to his feet. as soon as san stood up, he could feel the muddy water slide down his sweater and small amounts of mud makes its way down his face. seeing the mud continue to travel all over san, yunho began laughing even louder and harder, adding in a couple of knee slaps.

“oh seonghwa is not going to be happy if you come into the center like that. he’ll go crazy in the morning when he sees how much mud you’ve brought into the center and dirtying his perfect white carpet,” y/n said, looking at the boy guiltily, while jongho who was facing away from his brother had a mischievous smile on his face as he leaned his cheek onto y/n’s shoulder.  

once yunho calmed down from his laughing fit and wiped the tears forming in his eyes, he stood up with the two kids still in his arms and walked towards to daycare center to find some towels to help his best friend dry off and clean up at least a little bit before he went home.

as the three third wheelers made their way into the daycare center, san, y/n, and jongho were left outside. san and y/n continued to stare at each other, while jongho glared at his older brother for taking y/n’s attention away from him. 

“I really appreciate you manning up and apologizing to me san, it was a really mature thing of you to do”, y/n says smiling in his direction causing san to smile back in return. 

the three outside then hears footsteps approaching the daycare center. they look up and see hongjoong walking towards them, coming to pick up wooyoung and yeosang. as hongjoong got closer, he noticed san, began smiling, and running up to the boy until he notices the boy is covered in mud and cringes.

“hello san, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you! hope the basketball team is doing well under your leadership.” hongjoong greets the muddy boy while smiling brightly.

hongjoong and san have been friends for years as hongjoong was the previous basketball team captain at Utopia High School before he graduated and passed on his legacy to san. san regularly goes to hongjoong to seek advice on certain problems that are plaguing his mind and take a toll on his mental state.

san smiles replies, “it’s been good, I’ve fallen behind on my community service hours so I am trying to catch up on them by working at the daycare center. if I don’t hit fifty hours in three months, they’re taking away my captain title”. 

hongjoong nods in understanding and then waves at y/n and making small conversation with her as he looks in the window to see yunho helping wooyoung and yeosang pack their belongings into their backpack, getting ready to go home. soon, wooyoung and yeosang make their way outside towards hongjoong who gives them each a hug and holds their hand. 

“give me second kiddos, I have to sign you both out and then we can head home” hongjoong says to the kids in a gentle manner as he makes his way towards the daycare center and grabs the pen yunho is holding to sign the binder.

hongjoong then gives the pen back to yunho and goes back to grab both wooyoung and yeosang’s hand once again and lead them to his car to drive them home. as yunho, y/n, san, and jongho watches hongjoong drive away from the daycare center, yunho throws a towel at san which he catches with ease, with yunho screaming at him to get as much mud off as possible before seonghwa kills all of them. rolling his eyes, san wipes as much of the mud off as possible until the pristine white towel was completely different shades of brown. y/n then grabs the towel from san and hands him jongho and goes into the daycare center to place the towel into the dirty hamper filled with dish rags and the kiddo’s dirty painting aprons. 

san goes towards the door where yunho is waiting with the sign out binder with a pen, trying his best to hold in his laugh as the mud had dried up san’s hair to where it looks like dry ramen. san rolls his eyes and snatches the pen away from yunho and signs the sign out sheet next to jongho’s name. as soon as he is done signing, y/n comes out of the back room with her stuff, cheering about how she is ready to go home after a long day. yunho goes to turn off all the lights and makes sure the place is spotless clean to ensure that seonghwa will not scold them when he comes to open the daycare center the next day. after turning off the lights, the last remaining four humans at the daycare center leave the building and y/n uses the key seonghwa gave her to lock the front door and goes around the back to lock the back door as well. 

“well, I’m going to head off first, I haven’t done the economics homework in the past week so I have a lot of catching up to do, see you tomorrow” yunho blurts out in the awkward silence and begins sprinting down the pavement towards the direction of his home causing san, y/n, and jongho to laugh at the boy.

san looks towards y/n with jongho in his arms and speaks up. “thank you for training me today y/n, even though I am probably the most difficult trainee you have ever had to deal with” he says while rubbing the back of his neck with jongho pouting as he wanted to be held by y/n.

“well considering you’re the only trainee I’ve had to train here, I would say you’re the best and worst trainee I’ve ever had to tolerate” y/n replies giggling.

jongho lets out a whine in san’s arms and attempts to reach for y/n to the best of his small body’s abilities. “hey jongho, what’s the matter with you, you’ve cuddled y/n enough for today, we have to go home for dinner before mom yells at us for being home late,” san scolds the boy causing him to whine louder.

y/n reaches for jongho to hold him and explains to san, “jongho has a somewhat ritual that he has to do before leaving the daycare center, where he always wants a hug from me before he leaves, no matter how late you two are running. I really don’t mind anyways since I love hugs and jongho just looks super happy after getting his hug” while rubbing jongho’s back to calm him down as jongho squeezes onto y/n tighter. 

after their little hug, y/n hands jongho back to san where the three walks away from the daycare center and part ways to make their journey back to their respective homes. 

as san is walking with jongho asleep in his arms towards their home, he begins thinking about how working at the daycare center may not be as bad as he originally thought, especially with his best friend yunho there to entertain him and y/n who could potential be a good friend of his if he plays his cards right. he felt as if y/n and him had some kind of connection on the grass and felt proud that he could comfort a girl that way crying after spending his whole life with a basketball as his soulmate. with all these thoughts running through his head, there was one big question that was plaguing his mind at that very moment:

did yunho really just cockblock me?