#I think it's one of the many knockoffs of transformers I used to watch when we went to china for new years and whatnot

[robotsprinkles]

once again wasting time looking for a show I watched once years ago on my grandparents’ tv in china that I’ll probably never find

[direful]

I have to ask out of curiosity if you feel up to responding! What's the appeal of transformers to you? Has it been something you've enjoyed since you were a kid or is it a more recent thing? I absolutely don't go here, the only transformers media I know about is the cartoons and big movies. I've simply genuinely never seen any other transformers fan content apart from recently because of what you reblog. Are you into mech media in general as well or does transformers simply have something about it you love in particular? What's the appeal? Etc etc :3

It’s been a while since you sent this in, my apologies! I figure I’ll answer it now since it’s the 40th anniversary of the original airdate! I've tried to answer each question roughly in order, but Transformers is one of My Things, so I got a little carried away…

It's really interesting to look at as a franchise. Of the “classic” 80s cartoons that found massive success, I think it's definitely one of the most well-known/perpetually relevant franchises. The original installation of Transformers, like most similar shows of the era, is essentially just a series of long commercials - this has never really gone away, because the main purpose of Transformers is to sell toys - and it's very interesting to me to look at decisions that have been made through that lens and how it's impacted various storylines, usually for the worse. Of course, the toys themselves are also interesting - although I have a few little guys on my shelves I’m not actually big into the collecting aspect, but many people are, and in a massive way. You could probably limit your engagement with the franchise to only learning about the many exclusives, gimmicks, flaws, misprints, knockoffs, etc. and be perfectly happy (if toy production history is your thing).

As Transformers is turning 40 (today!), there's a mountain of media to sift through, nearly all of which builds on some combination of previous elements. Like with lots of long-running franchises with multiple incarnations, it’s cool to see comparatively how early - or how recently! - certain concepts were introduced that have become ubiquitous, and what seems to “stick” vs what seems to get overwritten or forgotten. I think it’s super interesting to look at the current configuration(s) and pick out different elements, or how different versions of characters compare & how their characterization has developed through different iterations. (I find it nice that since the "main" streams of Transformers media often use variations of the same cast, it’s pretty easy to pick up a new series once you've got a passing familiarity.)

I think one of the main ingredients for fandom is a desire to improve upon or delve deeper into the source material, and that's certainly a big component of why Transformers interests me so much. One of the elements I really wish they got into more is, well, what's it like to be a giant alien robot that can turn into a car/plane/gun/cassette tape/spaceship/etc? More recent versions have had some fun with this, but I'm still craving a real deep xenofiction take on Cybertronian (er, the Transformer species) existence. So many iterations have such interesting pre-war worldbuilding (gotta explain where all that conflict comes from!) and I mourn every day that I'll never get a five-season-long Transformers prestige political drama. It’s frustrating how much possibility for interesting worldbuilding gets left on the table since it's a children's franchise and marketability comes before everything else - I find that it invokes the “but what if it was good” effect for me and I want to explore it myself.

I got into Transformers late - when I was 14. Still a child, but teens aren't exactly the main target audience, you know? At the time, I was out of school for a week with the flu and ended up on the couch binge-watching the original cartoon from 1984. I couldn't tell you what the initial appeal was besides my basic tendency to like stuff from the 80s (I’m not actually a huge mecha fan and tend to be picky about sci-fi in general), but it hooked me nonetheless! After watching the original cartoon and the corresponding movie, I bounced around a little before finding my favorite bit of Transformers media, the More Than Meets The Eye comic series published by IDW from 2012-2018. I’m sure part of it is just the fact that I was there as it was being published, so I’m pretty attached, but I do also think a massive part of the appeal to me was that this, yes, this, was one of the first pieces of media I saw myself reflected in. How was it that a Transformers comic book had more canonical gay (and transgender!) characters than anything else I was into I truly don't know, but I'll always love it for that. Also, without spoiling too much, the relationships featured over the course of the series all have very satisfying and well-written narratives (to me).

I’ve been heavily into Transformers for over a decade of my life, I just haven’t centered my blogging habits around it recently. It’s baked into my life now on a level that few other things are - it is definitely one of my interests I’ve been into the longest. A lot of my music taste has been shaped by Transformers (the author of my favorite comic would post a few songs on Twitter as the “soundtrack” for each issue, and I’m goth now in no small part thanks to him). I delved deeper into Transformers whenever I was having a hard time - they’re my emotional support robots. My Discord username has been the same Transformers reference since I made the account in 2016. I could probably hit the character limit continuing to talk about all the aspects of Transformers that appeal to me and why I think it’s genuinely really fun to get into, but we’d be here all day, and I think I’m also at risk of leaving out the real reason that I (and everyone else) likes Transformers:

The main appeal of Transformers is that big robots are cool, and big cars and stuff are cool, and big robots that turn into big cars and stuff and fight each other are the coolest.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

PS. It was a real struggle to write this without evangelizing about Why You (Yes You! Blogger Reading This!), Should Get Into MTMTE, so I’ll include my thoughts on that under the cut:

More Than Meets The Eye has a particularly good reputation: “Critics in wider comic and sci-fi fandom have praised it, with many a gushing article and award nomination. The politics, the plotting, and the gender and sexual politics have all come in for favoured nods. Most of fandom holds up 'season 1' as one of the top Transformers stories ever” (TFwiki.net) - a statement with which I wholeheartedly agree. I read the whole thing pretty much right from when it came out all the way through to when it wrapped up - something I'd never done before and still kind of can't believe I kept up with for that long, but it's really good, and I go back and reread every year or so. I find that it gets the balance of action, humor, & emotional moments just right. It’s also pretty gory, but everyone knows that robot gore doesn’t count.

The main premise is that a bunch of Autobots have set out from their ruined homeworld on An Epic Quest, mostly because now that their four-million-year-long war is over, they don't know what to do with themselves and/or are running away from their problems. The issue with that is no matter where they go, they still bring all their baggage with them…

In addition to the aforementioned gender and sexual politics that made MTMTE stick in my developing brain, there’s also a fairly prominent theme of mental illness and recovery (and what that might look like for different people) that runs throughout the comic. I think it absolutely helps the characters feel more relatable, and I’ll add a quote here from a character with his own struggles who decides that he’d like to spend his time post-war helping others so you can see a snippet of the writing: “It’s not just the labeling - it’s the distancing. It’s this idea that experiencing mental illness marks you out as bad different. Show me someone who hasn’t been affected by all the fighting. Show me someone who’s “normal” and I’ll show you someone who knows how to hide things.”

In between (and sometimes during) the wacky hijinks that come with being in a comic book, they’re dealing with the political and psychological fallout of their civil war - what does it mean to be “the good guys” now that the war is over? What did it mean to be “the good guys” in a war that lasted long enough to screw up pretty much everything their species ever touched, utterly decimated their population, and left them with a ruined shell of a homeworld? What do things look like from the opposite point of view, and what does being “the bad guys” in a post-war universe mean for the Decepticons? There’s definitely a balancing act going on between what the narrative/marketing calls for, what makes an interesting character, and what’s a sensitive/nuanced depiction, but in comparison to previous Transformers stories, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say it was groundbreaking.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Cinderella and the Secret Prince (2018)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

There's something particularly devastating about watching a bad movie that could’ve been good if circumstances beyond the filmmaker’s control hadn’t mucked things up. Right before the end credits of Cinderella and the Hidden Prince, we see concept art of what the characters should’ve looked like. They look great. As good as anything Disney has put on-screen. I'm certain the voice actors saw these images and got all excited. I can picture the art director/character designer telling their friends and family about this animated fairy tale they were working on and then dying of shame once they saw the final product.

Ella “Cinderella” (voiced by Cassandra Morris) is forced by her wicked stepmother and step-sisters to work as a scullery maid in her own home. When her mouse friends Alex (Chris Niosi), Manny (R. Martin Klein) and Walt (Tony Azzolino) discover an apprentice fairy godmother in the woods (Crystal, voiced by Kirsten Day), Ella gets the chance to go to the royal ball and meets the kingdom's prince. Unfortunately, Olaf (Stephen Mendel) isn’t a prince at all. He’s a puppet of the Wicked Witch (Stephanie Sanditz), who has transformed the real prince into a mouse!

If you’ve had the misfortune of seeing 2012’s Cinderella 3D, this one’s cut from the same cloth. Ugly characters are REALLY ugly but not in an intentional way. The "handsome" prince has his eyes set just a bit too far apart, making him look like he’s a fish man. Cinderella’s mouse friends (well, two are mice, one’s a hamster) are hideous creatures whose size changes from scene to scene. At best, this looks like a bargain-bin knockoff of Tangled. Most of the time, it doesn’t even reach the level of Happily N’Ever After. Some assets were obviously taken from an animation library because you can see their cycles end in the middle of a scene.

Despite the lackluster visuals, you can picture the movie this could've been if it weren’t trying to tell the Cinderella story. When you think of the classic fairy tale, certain elements come to mind: a poor girl forced to do labor, a fairy godmother and most iconic of all… a crystal slipper left behind at midnight. That last one? not in this movie! Instead, we have a quest for a magic ring to restore the not-so-secret prince to his human form. This mission takes over the entire film, which would be fine if it was what we’d signed up for.

As Hoodwinked has taught us, all could've been forgiven if the writing had done some heavy lifting. At several points, it feels like there are scenes missing. One moment, Cinderella and her friends spot a colossal ice mountain all the way across the forest. Seconds later, they’re inside, exploring a cave that looks like it belongs to a completely different film. The characters are thin, unlikeable, or both. At several points, the story contradicts itself. We learn, for example, that the prince was turned into a mouse when he was five years old. When he’s restored to his true form, he suddenly knows how to ride a horse and is an expert swordsman. Did he master these skills when he was a toddler? Then there’s a reveal about the evil witch that makes no sense and an epic conclusion that raises far too many questions. It’s clear some people on the team were trying but they were outnumbered by people who just didn’t care.

You can appreciate a film wanting to take a familiar story in a new, fresh direction but good intentions don't mean anything if the end product is kind of ugly, often annoying and poorly written. Don’t get me started on the one musical number. It’s so bland and generic you'll forget the lyrics as soon as the following line begins. Even for little kids who don’t discriminate, Cinderella and the Secret Prince would be a hard sell. (May 7, 2021)

[katara0524]

Impromptu Ramblings about the NEO:TWEWY Demo

In case y'all weren't aware, I've been a pretty big fan of TWEWY for a couple years now, and with the sequel coming out next month, the excitement I feel for this game is greater than ever :) I played the Demo for the first time yesterday, and following a couple views of some livestreams of others playing it, I felt like sharing my (very ramble-y) thoughts prior to the release of the full game. This post WILL contain spoilers for both TWEWY and NEO:TWEWY, so if you want to avoid those from now on, please block the tags: #twewy spoilers, #ntwewy spoilers, #neo twewy spoilers, #ntwewy, and #neo twewy ^_^ Oh, and if you wanna keep up with any other posts I make about my experience with this game, please refer to the tag "kat plays neo twewy" :)

-First things first: I have not watched the Final Trailer and I don't plan on doing so to avoid spoilers, especially after the pre-release era of KH3 where a lot of the later trailers spoiled a lot of the endgame content. That being said, I've seen some minor screenshots from the final trailer including what many believe to be characters from the original TWEWY, namely Shiki and Joshua. That is all I know about the Final Trailer and I would very much like to remain as blind as possible going into NEO :)

-The very first cutscene was quite ominous in the sense that this game is likely going to be about "changing fate" (a recently common theme in Squeenix games, which I do appreciate), perhaps leading off from the end of A New Day in the OG and trying to stop an Inversion of Shibuya. Also worth noting that A New Day had similar aspects in which the main character experienced "future visions" of tragic events, although in A New Day these events were not able to be changed, while in NEO it seems like one of the main "powers" our protagonist has is specifically to rewrite these events and avoid a "bad ending." Very interesting indeed!

-I really like the revamped comic book style dialogue scenes, it's much more fluid and modern, which is an excellent direction for the series to take!

-I would love to have an actual PokemonGO knockoff of Final Fantasy creatures, please Squeenix that would be incredibleeeeee

-Also the LINE stickers??? Are so cute???

-I would just like to point out that Fret is an absolute treasure throughout this entire demo, he's hilarious and I will protect him with my life

-UHHHH don't like that Fret picked up some Reaper Pins just out of nowhere.....or the fact that they're apparently popular all over Shibuya.............did y'all not learn anything from the OG game or what lmao

-Okay so when I first got the "curry or ramen" scene and heard NPCs talking about the new curry place replacing the old ramen place I became IMMENSELY distressed that Ramen Don was totally cut from the game because....well, Ramen Don is a King okay?? But I'm glad to learn that no, he didn't fall off the face of the earth, he's still in business and he's the one opening the curry restaurant lolol. PHEW, crisis averted!

-.....I don't like the sudden appearance of a Wall Reaper and being able to read NPC thoughts. Wtf happened when they left the ramen place??? Are they playing the Game alive somehow?

-Okay so I have my own theories about this "Swallow" character and what they're up to but considering this is only the Demo and I still Have No Idea What's Happening, I'm just gonna say that I think Swallow intentionally led Rindo and Fret to the Crossing so they could join the Game. I mean, add in the fact that Swallow still communicates with Rindo during the Game and you've got yourself a suspicious character right there lol

-"Hey they're shooting off fireworks!" Fret honey that's not fireworks oof (see also: "*laughs* I'm in danger")

-WOOOOOO way to traumatize Rindo right off the bat like that LMAOO

-The visuals for the intro are VERY GOOD, the song is pretty decent until it gets all "screamo" (which I absolutely cannot stand sorry lol)

-Shoka is every Customer Service employee ever and I respect that

-Susukichi went from being "meh" to "WOW THIS GUY IS FUN" in the span of 10 seconds and I also respect that (he is also built like an Absolute Unit which is hilarious)

-The Wall Reapers (and just Reapers in general) seem.....way nicer and more helpful this time around?? Like in the OG the Wall Reapers were SO RUDE gfhjgjdfkhn and yeah I'm sure we'll get some like that but the juxtaposition of the first Wall Reaper in the OG compared to the first one in NEO is insane.

-The puzzles are quite a bit more entertaining this time around even if it's generally the same "fetch quest" formula lol

-"Rindo's Group" way to go Fret HFKJDGHSDFKJ mans really left the default name in there lmao

-OKAYOKAYOKAY so to those who aren't aware I am a MASSIVE SIMP for Sho Minamimoto, he's my absolute favorite and I think about him daily. HIS INTRODUCTION IS. INCREDIBLE. I LOVE IT SM.

-GOD hearing him actually SPEAK FULL SENTENCES is just SO SURREAL I love this sm

-Also the remix of his theme???? NEO TRANSFORMATION????? IT'S SO GOOD????????? It's like gone from a Boss Theme to a more triumphant sounding theme and I am HERE for it (every version of Transformation is just INCREDIBLE and getting a new one is even better)

-I Love Him, Your Honor

-Also idk how exactly but it's kinda weird seeing Sho in the OG vs NEO, cuz while he's mostly the same Insane Math-Obsessed Catboy, he's.....calmed down quite a bit?? Like OG made a whole point of how poorly he cooperates with others (not to mention just being completely unhinged and trying to kill everyone), whereas here in NEO he's......actually kinda working with others??? HELLO???? Sir what happened to you and Neku during those 3 years I would love to know all about it

-I guarantee you Sho is still probably scheming shite and will likely pull some total insane BS later down the road, and I am very much looking forward to that. Also, is he looking for a certain Pin or something??? Cuz he keeps talking about different Pins and even mentions "this is just another Psych Pin" like he's actively looking for a Pin to do something with. Maybe it also has to do with the "latent powers of Players" thing he mentioned as well??? What is this dude UP TO oml (also is he in contact with Neku at all?? they're both technically fugitives at this point right?? WHAT HAPPENED AFTER A NEW DAY I AM BEGGING YOU)

-I seems like Sho ALSO has an idea of what's going on in this specific game (even if he won't admit it straightforward). Per his quote "The game's 142,857. Factor it out," he's essentially saying, "This game is a neverending cyle, figure out how to get out of it" (or at least that's what I got from his "cyclic number" nonsense lolol)

-I do like how Sho mostly stays out of sight until he's needed for a battle or assisting with a mission, that's kind of on par with his whole "uncooperative" quirk from the OG, plus he might literally have to stay out of sight of other Reapers and Players considering he's likely breaking the rules of the Game (not surprising considering him and Neku broke practically every rule in the book during OG)

-The nicknames for Sho- I can't- They're so FUNNYYYY GFHJSDFKJ

-He goes from being called "Pi-Face" and "Tabooty" in OG to "Mr. Minami" and "M-Teezy" in NEO LMAOO

-(Wowee I just realized I've been mostly talking about Sho oopsies sorry y'all, this is what I meant by thinking about him almost daily he is THAT much of a fav of mine ghfkjsd)

-Okay RIP Fret and Rindo for not getting literally ANY explanation as to how the Game works OOF, that is kinda cringe that whoever gets the Pin earns points, not whoever erases the Noise (which like I understand but also URRRGGHHH I WANNA SEE THE SQUAD SUCCEED)

-"I should be going home now it's getting late" Oh you sweet summer child-

-Also love the mention of parents in this game???? KH you could learn a thing or two from TWEWY (poor Rindo's mom fhgjkdh)

-KUBO IS HILARIOUS I SUPPORT HIM AND HIS GROSS FACE (also thank you Final Trailer thumbnail for spoiling my suspicions about him very cool smh)

-Kaie is a LAD I also support him, go King type those funky texts I believe in you

-FRET PLS STOP SCANNING FHGJKSDHKJFGHFKJ he's like me when I scan in OG during Weeks 2 and 3 and see Taboo Noise coming after me ghfjdshfj

-Also Rindo can you stay off your phone for TWO SECONDS ik you're trying to figure things out but Fret is a jelly boi and I don't want him to be upset with you my guy

-Sho being an actual sorta mentor to the kiddos?? Who are you sir this is so unlike you ghfgskj what happened to the guy who tried shooting children in the face 8 times over LMAO (granted he's probably just using them but it's still nice to see him actually cooperating and sharing knowledge with the kiddos aaaaa)

-EYO EIJI OJI THE TIKTOK INFLUENCER IS BACK LMAO

-hgjkfshgkjf "we aren't glorifying capitalism on my watch" THATS SO FUNNY TO ME GFHJFSDGHJKS (also an all-orange ensemble is disgusting you deserve jail for one thousand years fkn Cheddar Goldfish Cheezit ass woman)

-WICKED TWISTERS NAME DROP EYOOO we love to see it

-gfhsgjf Poor Rindo embarassing himself for the sake of the Game that's incredible

-R e t u r n t o M O N K E. That is all.

-Dialogue during boss battles is HELLA cool i love that

-HHHHH THE KANON SCENE MADE ME A N G E R Y FRET STOP SIMPING MY GUY says the girl with a Literal Simp Encyclopedia and simps for pixels on a screen daily

-Can't wait to see the other Reapers :eyes emoji:

-CAN'T WAIT TO SEE NAGI MY BELOVED YEAHHHH WOOOOOO AAAAND that's about it for the demo lolol, I absolutely CANNOT wait for next month, this game is gonna be INCREDIBLE holy hell Prepare for more simping, more screaming, and more vibing from Yours Truly :) I fully intend on sharing more general thoughts like this on both Tumblr and Twitter so it's not just reblog-retweet-reblog-retweet with the occasional comment fhgskjd

If you wanna witness my insanity up close and personal I have a Square Enix Discord server called Sea Side Dreamers! You can look it up on Disboard, or you can add me on Discord @Katara0524#9244 for a direct link :) We have topics about Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, NieR, and ofc TWEWY (as well as other topics!), so if you want some good ol' chaos and chitchat, you're more than welcome to join!

[secret-engima]

Continuing the saga of “SE watches the Chuunin Exams/Naruto OG and gets steadily more confused by the plot holes”:

-Jiraiya. You show up for ONE SCENE, summon a big frog and ... that’s it? THAT’S IT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THE ANBU DID MORE THAN YOU AND THEY WERE NARRATOR STAND INS. And don’t tell me you had to fight the three headed snake thing that’s what the FROGS ARE FOR. LET THE FROGS DO THEIR JOB AND GO HELP YOUR SENSEI.

-Sarutobi, I blame the animators more than I blame you, but it took you like- five episodes after your heartfelt Hokage speech to ACTUALLY DIE. I am no longer sorry about you dying. Except when Konohamaru cried at the funeral. I did feel bad about that.

-Orochimaru how is it every time I think they can’t animate you any uglier, they somehow manage to do so. You’re supposed to be weird looking, but not CARTOON SAGGY my word man what is going on with your FACE when you get upset. That is not a normal expression, for humans OR snakes.

-I enjoyed the Gaara fight immensely, for several reasons:

1. Sasuke admitted that he cared about his team! Smol Emo Boi cares! He doesn’t want them to die! Now I’m miffed that Kishi decided to throw that development away so that Sakura and Naruto would have someone to chase after and whine about through 99% of Shippuden. Sasuke could have been so much better than that.

2. Sakura stood up to Gaara! Like yes, Kishi continues to refuse to let her be useful, BUT. Civilian twig girl took one look at this half-transformed MONSTER coming for her teammate and PUT HERSELF IN THE WAY. That takes SPINE.

3. Naruto henged the giant frog into the Kyuubi and I died quietly from laughter. Just- they TOWER over the forest, that would be seen for miles. I’m sure there’s more than one off screen ninja schmuck out there that spotted the Ichibi and was like “oh no” then, in the middle of fighting other schmuck ninja, they hear the ROAR and look that way again to see THE KYUUBI THAT SMASHED THEIR VILLAGE. RAMPAGING. RIGHT OVER THERE. There were probably so many heart attacks.

4. While I was more than tired of the whole “two old guys stand around trying to kill each other with a glowing sword and a shinigami knockoff” I DID enjoy watching Konoha casually kick the invasion out once the big players were out of the way and civilians evacuated. It also neatly answered my question of where all the Konoha ninja were if they weren’t fighting. They were keeping the villagers safe. Good Strat.

5. Gaara apologizing to his sibs kinda broke my feels. So did the fact they came back for him. Like- maybe fanfic has made me biased, but they COULD have just left him. He scares them, he’s threatened to kill them before, there was a failed invasion going down and everyone had to retreat. They had EVERY EXCUSE to just scoot and leave Gaara to the whims of fate but they came back for him. It’s sweet.

-Moving on past the Chuunin arc (FINALLY) and ... huh. It took what- a week tops for Akatsuki to move in and make a play for Naruto. Yikes.

-Also my reaction to Old Coots 1 and 2 telling Jiraiya they chose him as the next Hokage without his consent (or that they chose him at all) was basically just- *hysterical disbelieving laughter* because you antique MORONS. THIS IS JIRAIYA. HAVE YOU MET THIS GUY? HE WOULDN’T KNOW ‘RESPONSIBILITY’ IF IT CAME AND KICKED HIM HARD ENOUGH TO KEEP HIM FROM HAVING KIDS. HOW, IN AN ENTIRE VILLAGE OF NINJA, IS THIS YOUR BEST OPTION FOR HOKAGE. Oh my word I physically cringed and laughed through the entire scene because Jiraiya is so far from leadership/responsible material it’s only funny when the alternative is crying.

-Because come on. It’s TELLING when they just- folded to his idea to go get Tsunade instead. They would LITERALLY RATHER HAVE THE MIA DRUNK AS LEADER OVER JIRAIYA and yet they still nominated him. The stupid hurts.

-I just about had a heart attack when Sasuke walked up to Kakashi when Itachi and Kisame where RIGHT THERE. EATING DANGO.

-Kakashi how could you do that. Putting your student at risk like that. I know you didn’t know for sure it was Itachi but come on.

-Also Kurenai. KURENAI. I get that it’s been 13 years since anyone last saw an Uchiha that was tiny and brooding and 80% harmless but  C O M E  O N. Genjutsu? REALLY?

-Also Asuma please take the giant shark man and his giant shark sword more seriously you’re going to get hurt. Nope too late you got hurt.

-Kakashi why did you dispel the clone. If you had the clone then Itachi wouldn’t know for sure which one of you to hit with his death jutsus. Kakashi WHY.

-Gai you beautiful terror in green spandex thank you for having a braincell and getting Kakashi medical help and calling for Anbu backup before running in here. Like Kakashi SHOULD have done.

-Also Kurenai and Asuma. Be ashamed. MIGHT GAI had to be the Braincell in this situation. MIGHT GAI. The terror in green spandex with Youth™ coming out his ears.

-It was pretty fun seeing Gai kick Kisame in the face tho. Explains that one scene in Shippuuden too where Kisame kept trying to make Gai remember him and failing.

[duhragonball]

For the ask game: Broly, whichever version you'd rather talk about

I was having trouble choosing, but luckily I got the same request twice, so we’ll just do both of them (air horn) in chronological order, the best order.  

Give me a character and I will answer:

Why I like them: All right, Broly ‘93.   Basically, he’s a big meaty representation of what some might expect a Super Saiyan should really be.   It’s a running theme in DBZ, where Goku is a Saiyan, yet constantly at odds with these preconceived notions of what a Saiyan is.    I’ll probably never get confirmation of it, but I’m pretty sure someone in charge of Movie 8 looked at this:

...and invented a character that resembled it in ways Goku did not.   The idea being that Goku’s a poser, here’s the “““real”““ Super Saiyan, and then Goku beats that guy.   That’s why Vegeta despairs when he sees Broly, because he sees something that he wants to be, but isn’t.   And Goku just sees him as another movie villain to throw down with.

And I like Broly for scratching that itch.   He’s a wild man who just wants to fight and kill without restraint.   It’s good that we have a character like that who can explore that idea, and to prove why it doesn’t work.   

I also like the original Broly as this mythical figure in the early 2000′s fandom.   Movie 8 didn’t get an official release in the U.S. until 2003, so leading up to that, fans were vaguely aware of Broly, but not entirely clear on what his deal is.   It probably didn’t help that the movies aren’t canon, and that a lot of fans don’t understand that, and fansubs probably muddied the waters even further.   So it’s led to this cult-of-personality where Broly’s dearest fans cling to the notion that he’s invincible and can beat anybody.   I’ve seen fanart of him punching the Living Tribunal, which is like eight steps above Galactus on the Marvel cosmic power heirarchy.    Meanwhile, the actual character is a three-time loser.   He can’t even win in his own movies, so why should anyone believe he’s a big deal?    I guess Toei kind of fueled the fires by making him a bonus superboss in so many video games.    It’s implied that Broly is, or at least could be, the strongest guy of all, and it’s a fun notion, even if it’s a load of crap.  

Why I don’t: Broly’s overrated, no question.    Movie 8 was awesome, but take away Goku and Vegeta and Paragus and you end up with Movie 10, where he sucks rotten eggs.   The general vibe I get from Broly discourse is that his critics hate him because he’s so one-dimensional in Movie 10, and then they watch Movie 8 and go “Oh, so this is why people like him.”   And the fanboys love him for Movie 8 and then they see 10 and go “Oh, this is why everyone hates his guts.”    They argue in circles about the character, when they’re really talking about the two movies, one good and one bad.   

I suppose Broly represents some of the worst aspects of the fandom, the folks who only care about stats and power levels and battleboard nonsense, the dudebros who cling to the male power fantasy even as DBZ constantly pokes holes in it at every turn.    But I don’t blame the character for that.    Movie 8 was a fun movie, and he was a big part of the reason why.  

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Probably the part where he kills his own father.  What makes Movie 8 work is that it’s this tragedy disguised as a revenge story.  King Vegeta tried to kill Paragus and Broly, and Paragus wants revenge for that, but Broly goes haywire and wrecks the whole thing, which only proves that King Vegeta was right about Broly all along.   I think, early on, Paragus and Broly genuinely cared about one another, but their evil scheme ruined their relationship, until they each saw the other as disposable.  

Favorite season/movie: Movie 8, no question.

Favorite line: “I do what needs to be done.   What do you expect from a true freak?!”

Favorite outfit: He’s really only got the one, but I do enjoy the alt-attire they give him in the video games, where he looks more like his Movie 10 self, and for whatever reason there’s less green in his hair and aura.    I think the Raging Blast Games let you customize auras, and I would give Broly the classic SSJ one, as opposed to his green nonsense.  

OTP: You know, I can’t believe I never thought about this before, but has anyone tried doing like a Movie 8 version of Cheelai?   Like, I don’t know if “Evil Cheelai” is exactly what I’m suggesting, but some kind of darker version of her, a lady who’s basically inherited the same tenuous control over Broly that Paragus had.   Like, maybe he thinks she’s his slave, but she’s manipulating him, or she has a beefier version of the mind control tiara from the movie.   

But yeah, otherwise, I got nothing.

Brotp: Forget that, Broly’s a jerk.

Head Canon: The Xenoverse games sort of pull the same trick as all of the older games, using Broly ‘93 as a bonus challenge after you beat the game.   Except the Xenoverse games have to try to explain it somehow, like he’s a time anomaly, or he crawled out of a timehole or whatever.    I kind of like that idea, that Broly is this glitch in reality that manifests as a freaky-deaky Super Saiyan.

Mostly, though, I just cannot abide the idea of that green bulky form being the legitimate Legendary Super Saiyan form.   I’m not saying it’s phony or wrong or uncool, but I hate the idea that Goku beat Frieza using some knockoff transformation that wasn’t green enough.   That’s dumb.

Unpopular opinion: I cannot stress enough that Cell would wipe the floor with Broly ‘93.   It wouldn’t even be close.  

A wish: I always wanted to see Goku or Vegeta defeat Broly in a one-on-one encounter.    Basically he shows up and they’re like “Well now we have Super Saiyan 2, so your ass is grass,” and he loses clean.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I hope they never do a Broly revival where he’s even stronger and they have to use Gogeta Blue to beat him, that would be stupid--

Oh, wait.   

Well, they made a good movie out of it, but I still detest the idea of Broly being that much stronger than Goku and Vegeta.    It’s not right.

5 words to best describe them: Mean and green and bad.

My nickname for them: Broly ‘93, I suppose.

[shivroy]

rangry’s story (tw for graphic descriptions of injury) (please reblog if you read!)

i don’t sleep in recuperacoons anymore. it reminds me of being sedated. i can’t have blankets either, because they used to drape heavy ones over me to keep me from squirming when i slept. too much movement strained the sutures, or could cause them to rupture, they said. they told me many things. i refrain from saying "taught" - teaching, i like to think, is done with good intentions. 

i can’t deal with the liquid inside coons either. i am always afraid things are going to seep into me, or out of me, as though i am not sewn closed.   

instead of a coon, i lie on a thin mattress in the hive - my hive, i need to tell myself that i can own things now. it reminds me of the table they placed me on. at least this one isn't chilled metal; the overdone image of a theatrical operating table. the setting for my movies. nothing i can own fails to remind me of my movies. 

i can't look down at myself, at my raised topography of semi-precise incisions, without shaking. i can't begin to shake because it means i won't sleep that night. i take my showers in the dark, and blindly, noisily knock over bottles of cheap shampoo and swear. it’s better than the alternative. i also use a washcloth to apply soap. i need the barrier between my body and my hands, it dulls the feeling. 

i miss her when i lie on my bed, in moments i am alone and thinking. at least we used to have each other, all of us, and we would comfort each other after filming. we learned our own little tricks: spit can fend off infections, they'll be angry but if you rip pieces off your cloth dress, the strips can be used as bandages. we would save extra food for the girl who had most recently been filmed. we all knew it was spiked, the food, the drink, and we figured she could use it. it acted like a cheap knockoff for the anesthesia they denied us. almost. better to be out of your body while it healed. or tried to heal. 

i wonder what happened to her. did she have it worse, or did i? it's a question that does me no good to consider. i lay on my bed, i cross my hands over my stomach, try to ignore the thick ridge i can feel down my middle, a meeting of two halves, and try to ignore how sweaty my hands become. i wonder where she is. can she get around? we had to help her walk, constantly, everywhere, after they snipped off her toes. it ruined her balance. it would ruin anyone's balance. she tottered around on knobs. she was reduced to the grace and rhythm of newborn deer. walking on stilts of marbled skin.  

i never got to feel her fingers entwined in mine. they were already gone by then, and other pieces of her too. carefully removed, thoughtfully filmed, casually distributed for a reasonable price to those trolls willing and wishing to pay for her movies. 

i become angry, then. really angry. furious. true to my fake name that has become the real me. i want to scream and i do. i am starting to shake, i claw around in my mind for her name, her real name, but it has left me by now. we promised, through humid whispers at night, we would remember each other's real names. i have forgotten. i feel evil for this. has she forgotten mine? does she feel evil too?  

your name is like your address, they told us. it is only useful to others, and it is only used to find you. you can change it, get up and move away from it, and you adjust to the change. nothing much is lost or missed. it is better if you forget your name. most of us did. i have. rangry is not my name, but what else do i have to remember myself by? 

all that remains of her name is fauxfu. the kitschy, mocking titles they assigned us on a whim. childish names. but then again, we were children. we hated the names because they were not our own; we despised their sharp and unkind accuracy. we were reduced to these names. now they are all we have left. 

she was a faux fuchsia. some maroon girl they had snatched up off an island, bearing an uncommon fuchsia resemblance. they had already cut off her ears, to conceal her lack of fins - no customer would blink at this, they were used to the girls in the movies having parts or them missing, but they perhaps were angry about this. they would have liked to see her fins removed on film. the full fantasy of royal deflowering. 

they always remarked that they were lucky to have her. they edited her blood color in post to make it pinker. her movies sold for the most. ravenous lowbloods loved her, or hated her, it didn't really matter, but she was a living, screaming representation of their fantasies. death to the heiress. death to the fuchsia. ruin her. brutalize her. make her immobile, as she has immobilized us. it was therapeutic. bleeding justice, all fake, sold for profit. 

i was like her, but lesser. there's a certain hatred for cobalts among plenty of groups. seeing my organs, little pouches, long and slick, intestines, ones i can’t name, drooling out of my open body, strange invertebrates, legs cut open, touching my caramel-smooth femur, being filmed holding my shuddering heart in my hands, inner me becoming outer me, a transformation, was their act of revenge. i am a vessel for their hatred, their release. or i was. 

i was too little to understand why they were doing this. why i had been taken from my home. why it hurt so much. why there was a market for snuff films. 

they called us movie-stars. 

i dont think i blame these lowbloods. the ones who captured us, and the ones who watched us. i hate them, but i understand them: if i had the chance, i would place my oppressors on a cold metal table and cut them to pieces, too.

[themiscyra1983]

The Elephant In The Room

Let me preface all this by saying I do not have time for assholes. If you come at me with insults and contempt, I will block you.

The other day on Twitter I said the Harry Potter books aren’t good. I said this to a friend but I guess some people just keep an eye out for whatever Harry Potter shit pops up on Twitter and/or the algorithm just likes to spit in people’s eyes because hoooo boy people saw and lost their minds. I blocked two people over it because they decided to be assholes, and had a somewhat terse conversation with someone who was more politely insistent before going, finally, “I’m glad you find joy in something I no longer care for” and putting an end to the conversation.

It’s no particular secret that I’m in the fandom, and prior to J.K. Rowling going full, ‘no plausible deniability here’ transphobe, I’d bought my share of official merch. Frankly I should have stopped that sooner, but it took getting figuratively slapped in the face multiple times before I finally admitted Rowling’s ignorance carried a distinct air of willfulness and malice. Anyway I still HAVE the stuff I bought before, the Ravenclaw crap, the wands I was collecting (no more of that, I fear, though I’d hoped to pick up Tonks and Ginny’s wands at least before I brought an end to it), the Ravenclaw goblet I was gifted from a friend who bought it before JKR passed the plausibly just clueless horizon. There is still much in the world that I love, but much of that love comes now from the creations of others, and I cannot in good conscience spend money in ways that directly benefit Rowling’s financial empire.

And the Harry Potter books are not, in my view, good books. I’ve felt that for a while now. I’ll go a step further: I think they’re dangerous stories to tell children; I think I would be uncomfortable reading them to any children I might have. They are not stories that should be viewed without a critical eye. I loved them as a teenager. I’ve grown more uncomfortable with them - and, as with Twilight, far more comfortable with how critically thinking fans have transformed the work - as time has passed.

This actually has very little to do with the fact that, well...Rowling is not the best writer. Listen. I’m a Power Rangers fan. I’ve watched every incarnation of Star Trek, and every single movie. I have no problem with trashy fiction. You will find me rooting around in the garbage with the finest raccoons. But that is part of it, yes; there are flaws in the craft of it, and I don’t feel that, inherently, we needn’t judge children’s fiction by adult standards. I would argue that the very BEST children’s fiction is also excellent by adult standards. But this is the least of my concerns.

Here are my actual concerns.

Rowling wants credit for declaring Dumbledore gay after the fact, for saying Hogwarts is a safe space for all students in ways not reinforced (and in fact actively contradicted) by the text, for cheering the fan-created same-sex marriage of Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan, but she doesn’t want to take the creative risks that go along with that. When she had the opportunity, with the Fantastic Beasts movies, to make that subtext text, she and her cronies outright declined it. At every opportunity she has shied away from actually putting her high-minded ideas to the page. This is a cowardly choice at best.

Further, Dumbledore’s only canonical love interest (and it is not clear whether the love was requited) was a pretty fascist with whom he fell in, politically, for a time. I get it, we’ve all had crushes on terrible people. But this is literally his one and only love, requited or not, and after he defeats Grindelwald he is left to pine away for the remainder of his days. The one gay love story in the books - if you tilt your head, and squint, and accept Rowling’s word for it - is a tragic one that leaves one man in prison and another celibate and alone and, increasingly, a manipulative bastard who upholds the status quo.

There’s nothing wrong with a tragic love story. I’ve enjoyed quite a few. But when this - THIS - is what you hold up as a triumph of representation, in the absence of ANYTHING else...no. No cookies for you.

Let’s also talk about how I don’t feel Rowling wrote Dumbledore or approaches him with a critical eye. There is NO excuse for leaving a child in an abusive home. No, fuck your blood wards. You’re telling me that Albus Dumbledore - ALBUS DUMBLEDORE - could not devise protections better than leaving Harry with abusive relatives who despised him and everything he stood for? Then, too, when Dumbledore did intervene in Harry’s life, he did so with full knowledge that he was setting Harry up to be a sacrificial lamb, AND WITH THIS SPECIFIC END IN MIND. None of this is acceptable. Dumbledore is a fucking manipulative, abusive bastard who uses people and throws them away, and the fact that it WORKED OUT for Harry does not absolve him of his crimes.

Moving on, and bear in mind I’m still getting my steam up on this whole rant: Seamus Finnegan. Seamus Finnegan is the one canonically, obviously Irish character in the books, named quite stereotypically, but more importantly, in the books and movies, is shown to be interested in (a) liquor and (b) making things explode. He’s REALLY GOOD at making things explode. Do I need to explain why it’s problematic for the one Irish character to blow things up all the time? He also does this in defense of UK wizardry’s status quo, so, you know, even if you were all IRISH FREEDOM FIGHTER YEAH, I assure you he is not that guy.

There is an entire species of sapient magical creatures who exist solely to serve witches and wizards. Hogwarts is run on slave labor and most of the finest wizard families hold slaves. But it’s all right! Only one of them has ever, in the context of the books, wished to be emancipated, and everyone else views Dobby as a weirdo for wishing to be free, and paid for his labor. Dobby, incidentally, later lays down his life for the wizarding savior who tricked his master into freeing him. The only other emancipated house elf we see in the books, Winky, spends her time in a state of drunken depression, rendering her useless and scarcely capable even of caring for herself. She wished to remain enslaved, do you see, and was helpless without the benevolent guidance of her master.

There’s fan work that has tried to address this by exploring a mystically symbiotic relationship between house elves and wizards and witches, and yes, yes, J.K. Rowling is drawing on European folklore here, but let’s not give her credit, okay?

Goblins. Goblins! Goblins have a long history of being antisemitic stereotypes to begin with (hence why I have seen multiple Jews on Tumblr push back HARD on ‘goblincore’), but J.K. Rowling just...right. They’re short, ugly, have hooked noses, generally look like antisemitic cartoon figures. They are locked out of power but control all the wizarding world’s banking, and do so in very usurious ways, for example charging wizards to hold their money, etc. Now this might be an interesting commentary on how Jews have historically been oppressed and forced into fields that goyim felt themselves too ‘pure’ to work in, were it not for the fact that Rowling’s fantasy Jews LITERALLY AREN’T HUMAN, and more, ARE ACTUALLY GREEDY, CONNIVING, AND WILLING TO BETRAY YOU AGAINST THEIR OWN SELF-INTEREST FOR PERSONAL GAIN. FUCKING GOBLINS, MAN.

Then there’s the travesty of Magic in North America, which disrespected the intelligence of Native Americans (none of them figured out you could point a stick at something to make the magic go until white people showed up to help, apparently, but don’t worry, they’re really CLOSE TO NATURE and GOOD AT NATURAL MAGIC), disrespected the beliefs of specific peoples (no, skinwalkers aren’t just misunderstood shapechanging wizards and witches smeared by the greedy and ignorant, you’re whitesplaining actual mythology to the people who hold it sacred), made the ONE wizarding school in America white with an appropriated Native veneer, and generally just...Did Not Get America. As bad as the UK Wizarding World is, Rowling demonstrated complete IGNORANCE regarding the long history of what we now call North America, ignorance of even modern American culture (there’s a reason why American fans particularly tend to ignore the idea that wizardry is locked down tight behind a wall of secrecy here), ignorance and disrespect toward Native populations, and an unwillingness to do the research necessary to do this shit right.

There’s more. There’s blood purity, and gender politics, and Severus Snape’s portrayal, and all kinds of shit that grates, and I’m just tired.

Writers make mistakes. it happens. But Rowling does not recognize her mistakes. She does not seek to make amends. She just barrels on with her shitty opinions, regardless of who she hurts.

it is at the point where I am no longer even willing to thank her for graciously allowing us to play in her sandbox. We don’t need her blessing; the OTW has done far more for fanfic than she has. And it is, indeed, beginning to grate on me that people constantly try to apply Harry Potter metaphors to real life and real politics. As my friend Doc often says, find another book.

I love butterbeer (or at least the knockoffs available outside the Universal parks), I still read fanfic sometimes, I still like to play with ideas like the Harry Potter movies as performed by Muppets, with Dan Radcliffe as Snape and Tom Felton as Lucius. I’m glad the movies brought us a generation of actors, mentored by performers like Alan Rickman and Maggie Smith and so many others, who have gone on to bigger and better things. Much of my merch is packed away, but I still hold on to some of it because it has new meaning for me in light of fanwork, or because (in the case of my Ravenclaw hat and scarf) it’s warm, winters here are cold, I don’t want to buy new shit, leave me alone.

I am accustomed to seeing fans turn trash into treasure. I’ve tried to do it myself. But I feel, quite strongly, that the original text in this case is trash. it is radioactive, stinky trash. You won’t persuade me otherwise, and I’m done apologizing for it. If Rowling wants me to respect her and her work again, she’ll have to earn it, but I’m very trans and she low-key hates my kind, so even if I weren’t a random reader I wouldn’t be holding my breath.

And I really, really need to emphasize to you all that it is okay if people don’t like a given work of fiction. It is okay if people HATE that piece of fiction. You don’t need to change the minds of everyone around you. You absolutely will not succeed in doing so. Please, I’m begging you, make peace with that - and please, I’m begging you, even if you like something, try to consider it critically.

[write-as-raine]

12.30.19

       Though this won’t be my final blog post, it is my first one written while being back in the United States. In recent months, the writer within me—who sits at a desk that is covered in post-it notes, half-empty coffees gone cold, and pages of unfinished thoughts—has only wanted to stare off into the distance. Ironically, that distance has been me. While many variables combined have created the perfect situation for some high-quality introspection, my instinct always has been to document the maelstrom of thoughts that run through my mind in large volumes. At first, this took place as fiction, then I turned to poetry, but as of late nothing else seems quite right to write except for my own life. I do value introspection highly, but never before have I felt inclined to share so much of my life with any other living soul, so count yourself among the lucky few, dear reader. It feels entirely wrong to do so, but at the same time, it seems like such an extraordinary waste to keep it to myself.

       It is presumptuous to assume anyone is even reading this, which I think makes it easier to write when my audience is more of an apparition than actuality.

       All of that to say, however, that part of my process is writing random bits here and there, and that ultimately these blog posts become Jess's monster, one big body (paragraph) built of many different parts. This will likely be a mixture of things because returning to the United States has, emotionally, been a mixture of things.

Written 12.26.19, in reflection on 11.28.19 

       I was pondering my trip to London today, particularly the day that Lindsay and I saw Phantom of the Opera. That day has such a glimmering quality in my memory. We were both giddy on anticipation for the theatre, and we were all dressed up as we walked arm in arm, our music split between us in our knockoff AirPods. It was one of those powerful days where nothing could really go wrong if it tried. As we sat in the theatre, drinking overpriced Prosecco and basking in the sophisticated and somehow imposter-ish feeling of being in an ornate theatre in London, I could feel a strange sort of shifting around me, like everything was changing and undoing and becoming all at once. I was realizing, I think, that nothing would ever be quite like this moment again. I would never be in London, with Lindsay, on the cusp of everything ever again.

       Between the theatre and the DLR, as we trotted through the city at London speed, the crisp air and bustle of a populace that is always up to something, I kept getting hints of it. Catching my unquenchable joy in the reflections of the windows we passed, my full moon cheeks aglow with my smile. Our reflection showed Lindsay facing what was next resolutely, while I looked into the present and attempted to hold it there in my mind.

       On the DLR, as we watched the city shift from old to new and back, black water glittering with nightlife, side by side as the present flew past us, I was filled with some inexplicable settling within my chest. It was a sudden and rapid, heavy but not in an unpleasant way. It was just a falling in love, or a re-falling in love, with my life, and with the present, and the past that had somehow led me right up to the brink of what was to come. Lindsay, on this evening, paid me one of the loveliest compliments I think I've ever received.

       "You've taught me to see so much beauty in the world that I never saw before,", she told me as we looked out over the diamond cut cityscape.

Such a simple, perfect day.

       I think I was settling into the knowing that the near and inevitable future would not be easy. That I would come home and feel the initial surge of excitement over what my heart had missed for these months, but that a hollow and aimless feeling I am so accustomed to would creep in around the edges. I would feel the siren call of the city in the soles of my feet. Knowing that feeling would come, I still pushed my heart into the hands of those I loved, even though trusting people who have the power to hurt me has gotten me before, and would again. Because others have taught me that there is no point in bottling yourself up and pretending to be someone you’re not. My soul, in all it's wild and whimsy, will always be spilling over, and why not free it.

12.14.19

       I feel that my time abroad was a transformative experience, I just don't quite know how to sum up what changed. I feel different, not in the way that I expected. London, sleek, elegant, historic, magical London left its mark on me in a new way. I saw so many real aspects of it, the hidden places that aren’t the ‘London’ that we imagine.

       It all began with me accepting that my depression was too much for me to carry alone, which didn't magically solve my depression, but when I say that it felt like a fifty-pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I am not even kidding. Dealing with the scope of my complex and often confusing chemical imbalances and how they manifest in my every day, well that was a whole other beast. I am still on that path, and will always be. Sometimes I don't feel like getting out of bed, sometimes I feel nothing at all, sometimes everything all at once. 

       I stepped through a looking glass and into Ireland, where I met a cute stranger, and things immediately fell into place and then promptly apart again. In London, I moved in and became very close with two very lovely and wise Norwegian ladies, and I found my feisty personality doppelganger from Iowa, and nothing ever really went according to plan, or exactly as I imagined, but it was right, and it was one of the best semesters I've ever had. The last week was one of the most bittersweet moments of my life. As we wandered around the flat, we all felt a bit lost. I don't think any of us were quite capable of figuring out how to transition to not seeing each other every day. We ate most of our meals together, sometimes in companionable silence, just to be near each other. Lindsay essentially just moved the rest of the way in. On our final evening together, we had the last supper, and then we had our own small Christmas. When all the gifts had been exchanged, and the dinner tidied up, we dragged their beds into my room and had a very large slumber party.

       On the way to the airport in the morning, as the four of us struggled to carry two people's worth of luggage from flat to bus to tube, we laughed to push back tears. At the airport, tissues were passed out, goodbyes were attempted, final words were choked on, and then we parted. Just like that, it was over. I felt a bit numb as I moved through the airport, alone. A full heart is a heavy burden to bear. All I could think as I sat on the plane as we taxied was, 'I feel very lucky, to have met such amazing people'.

       As every mile between myself and London increased, I took deep, calming breaths, feeling a bit lost and very found, and every glance out of the window reminded me that life is magical and that castles seen from the sky are magical and oceans of clouds are magical, I really couldn't seem to do much else aside from sit in awe of what I had experienced in the past three and a half months.

       It sounds like an exaggeration, or too good to be true. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of mistakes, screw-ups, awkward times (did I tell you about how I fell down some castle steps, or completely forgot my ID the one time I tried to get into a club? Not me at my best, but me all the same).

       But, those were all the pinches for the moments that often felt like dreams.

       I learned a lot about my own mind, which I couldn't have done without the wildly intelligent, kind, and intriguing people that I met along the way. I learned a lot about the world too, and about how I interact with it. I learned a lot about kindness and the Universe. I learned valuable lessons about confrontation, which were stressful, and upsetting, and so very necessary. I learned a lot of Norwegian words, which I was not expecting. What I did not learn a lot about, was creative writing, at least not in the academic sense. Actively writing did teach me endlessly though.

       Just a few nights ago, I saw a shooting star in a sea of other celestial bodies. I have gotten to play with my chickens on the farm, and with our baby cow, who is very hungry all the time because he is a growing boy, and with our baby goats, who are absurdly tiny and very vocal. Also, since I arrived at home, our cat, Tabitha, a proper aloof feline in all regards, has decided that she thoroughly enjoys my company, and will often stretch herself out on the floor next to me for rubs. This is a very large win because she is an adorable, fickle creature.

       Now, as a new year looms before me, although 'looms' isn't the correct word, because looms sounds scary, and while change is nerve-wracking, I have so much to look forward to, as I keep reminding myself, and so much to look back on. So, as the future dawns before me, I feel apprehension, of course, but also great powerful hope and excitement, because there is so much unexpected goodness stored there. I know that it is not always sunshine and even if it were, that I cast my own shadows. Yet here I am, showing my shadows that if I dance, then so must they.  

   Until the next time, or perhaps, until next year,

jess

P.S. I’ve decided to grow my bangs out. If getting bangs signifies a mental break, does growing them out mean I’m starting to figure things out?

[eyebright-iris]

Review: Met Gala 2019

Good morning to girls and gays only.  Straight men can perish.

Well, the Met Gala has rolled around once again and all I can say is: I’m so glad I’m a lesbian. The theme for this year was ‘Camp: Notes on Fashion’ and my GOD did some men decide that this was the perfect opportunity to come in a bland black tux or worse.

Some of the biggest disappointments of the night for me have to be Rami Malek and Taron Egerton, who, having both just played some of the most iconic men in recent history who lived, breathed and ate the essence of camp, saw fit to turn up in black tuxes.  Taron’s was kinda sparkly though and I still respect the dude for his general lack of typical masculinity elsewhere (more men commenting “phwoar” on their mates’ Instagram, please).  Shout out to Frank Ocean who showed up looking like any bouncer you might find outside one of my local clubs on a Saturday night.  He collaborated with James Charles to prove that while some gays showed their best, others certainly did not.  The theme was CAMP, James Charles, and you still couldn’t deliver.

I appreciated the change in pace from Darren Criss and Harry Styles, but to be honest, Harry’s had camper looks in concert and Darren Criss…well, I loved his look, but it also took me a solid ten minutes to work out that it was him and not just Brendon Urie in his regular concert gear.  Glittery jackets and statement eyeliner do not a camp icon make, I’m afraid, though you certainly did better than so many others.

Kim Kardashian was certainly…there.  I’m impressed with the way she managed to make herself look like she’s just stepped out of the ocean butt-naked and dripping wet, but girl.  You’re rich as fuck.  There’s more than bodycon dresses out there.  Also please smack your husband, he’s a dick and he’s wearing a black tracksuit.  Kendall and Kylie were a little more flamboyant but honestly, they were single-colour knockoffs of things I would say you could find at a Rio street festival, except that would be an insult to Brazil and all the ways Rio festivals embody everything the Jenner looks were not.  And to be real with you?  For all the colour that was there, they were boring.  What is it with these women and being afraid to be #Iconique? It’s sad that all they seem to know how to do is emphasise their boobs and hips in dresses with very little fabric to try and be daring.  If they weren’t so rich and influential no one would pay them any mind because you can see the same look on anyone else.

While I don’t like Cardi B, I can appreciate her attempt to get into the spirit of the Met Gala, which she pulled off so well last year.  I only wish her skirt hadn’t ended up looking like rows of theatre seating.  Katy Perry was there as both a chandelier and a hamburger, which, while a step up from the Jenner-Kardashian contributions, leads me to wonder if she knows what ‘camp’ means, or if her foray into queer culture stopped once she was done appropriating sapphic sexuality for male consumption in 2008.  Special mention must go to Benedict Cumberbatch who saw fit to show up dressed like some bizarre visiting cousin of Colonel Sanders who maybe definitely owned a plantation.  It wasn’t a black tux but somehow I just wish it had been.

To get to the real stars of the night, I think it’s only fair to start off by saying this Met Gala was once again, Black Excellence.  I cannot BREATHE for the number of incredible, powerful black icons taking to the pink carpet in works of art.  Let’s begin, shall we?

Billy Porter showed up (and showed everyone else up) with six hot half naked slave dudes decked out in gold carrying him in on a black-and-gold chaise-lounge like a modern-day Cleopatra and, once he had both feet firmly on the floor, threw up the massive golden wings of Isis and owned the entire space around him.  The crown.  The wings. The copious gold sparkly shit. The gold bedazzled stuff on his face. Every other man should be ashamed of his failure to measure up to the king. Also every man in a tux found DEAD by the side of the road thanks to our Lord and Saviour Billy Porter.

If Billy Porter is the king, then surely, there are too many queens to choose from.  From Laverne Cox’s strikingly shaped black dress with her brilliant blue-white hair and statement makeup, to Lupita Nyong’o showing up in the full neon spectrum of the rainbow, black women showed up to take the crown every single time last night.  Janelle Monáe’s stunning artsy dress blew me away, from the Picasso-like features to the multitude of hats that I have no idea how she balanced, she’s a masterpiece.  Lizzo stepped out looking like the Empress of Flamingos and I am absolutely here for every second of it.  The colours are loud, bold, and the outfit is as large-as-life as Lizzo herself.  Her hair was so stunning, I swear I thought it was a crown at first.

Black hair certainly had a starring role on the red carpet as well, from Tessa Thompson’s insanely long braid (she was carrying a WHIP to complete her outfit RIP all wlw) to Lupita’s impressive afro with its many golden combs.  I adored Danai Gurira’s hair and especially loved her Oscar Wilde-inspired outfit: here is a woman who understands her brief and works from it to great effect, and I loved Keiynan Lonsdale’s gorgeous hair and butterfly gown – seeing him embracing his queerness with both arms since Love, Simon led him to come out has made my heart big.

I can’t move on from the black dominance and excellence of the night without mention of two of my favourite looks: Zendaya and Lena Waithe.  If Billy Porter is the king and there are too many queens to count, then Zendaya stands out yet again as the living, breathing princess of the lot of them. I can hear the white tears over black girl magic Cinderella from here.  She arrived in a whole Cinderella dress that expanded and glows from within, a pumpkin-carriage purse and her own fairy godmother to transform her with a little bibbity-bobbity-boo?  She even lost her damn glass slipper on the stairs. A true artist.  As they say in the LGBT+ community: um, wig.

Speaking of which: Lena Waithe.  The lesbian icon herself, who showed up to last year’s Catholic-themed Met Gala in a pride flag cape, and who went hell for leather this year as well, putting every man in a tux to shame by not only out-classing them in how fantastic she looked in her lilac suit, but also paying homage to the origins of camp, with the back of her jacket boldly stating “Black Drag Queens Invented Camp” and the pinstripes on the suit actually being cleverly displayed lyrics to iconic drag queen songs.  She really Did That yet again and I’m knocked dead.

This review is already long as hell and it’s about to get longer because there are more looks that I want to mention.

First of all: Lady. Fucking. Gaga.  My girl did four outfits on the pink carpet in the space of 15 minutes and holy shit did she kill it.  Starting out in a voluminous hot pink ballgown, followed by a more sedate but still impressive black one with a matching umbrella, then down to a slim hot-pink number, huge sunglasses, and statement telephone, and finally ending up in an iconic mesh and underwear set, all while sporting the most gorgeous gold false eyelashes that made the whole thing pop.  The creativity and flair of everything Gaga does has made her iconic throughout the years and this event was no exception.

Ezra Miller FUCKED IT UP. Pinstripe suit with the sweeping train, glittering cage corset on top and a myriad of imitation eyes all over his face, carrying an eerie mask of himself on a stick?  Phenomenal.  The confidence in his walk as he moved and the way he displayed his look was so striking and seeing him own it so much made my night.

I loved Jordan Roth’s take on Billy Porter’s wings, allowing him to show up as a literal whole theatre. I loved Ryan Murphy’s sparkling pink champagne tux and high-collared cape.  Florence Welch absolutely slayed in her glittering wing-collared cloak.

However, one of the standout looks for the night was Hamish Bowles.  The embodiment of camp, with that magnificent fur-trimmed patterned cape. The look is absolutely dominating even when he’s standing still, and when he moves, the whole thing comes alive. Watching some of the dynamic shots taken of him having fun with his outfit, I felt like I was watching a bullfighter in a lion’s mane – and all of that is good.  I can’t quite put my finger on why I felt he looked like a fabulous Mrs Doubtfire (maybe it’s the shoes) but the outfit was one of the best and definitely set a bar that so many men fell short of.

Final Words:

Can someone please tell cishet men to step their game up?  Or men in general (I see you Frank Ocean and James Charles letting the damn side down)?  They can stay boring if they want, however.  The rest of us will be having far more fun without them, and the plain black tuxes certainly are no talking point of the evening.

[florafaunaandeldritchhorrors]

instead of a chapter this week, here’s my writeup of how the first session of DIE went with my group. (sorry) (hopefully this is as entertaining)

In 2007, Tomb of the Worm King, a high fantasy-in-space mmorpg, launched. Three months later, it closed before the Worm King raid was even released. During the beta, the developers grouped testers together into artificial guilds... and after the game fell apart, our group of testers tried to homebrew a trpg system in order to keep playing. Needless to say, it didn’t go well. 

It’s 2027 now. 

Below the cut: everything my players are not allowed to read. Starting with the DM prep I did, if you’re planning a game and just want to read that.

Prep:

It wasn’t feasible for me to bring my laptop to the space where we play, so I had to try to write down everything that I wanted to remember for the session that wasn’t already on the cheat sheets. 

Things I ended up needing that I prepped: short versions of who to give the archetypes to, the long list of monster special abilities to create a custom fallen on the fly, rules for the Dictator targeting multiple people, melee/close/medium/far range rules.

Things I prepped and didn’t need this time, but probably will: God Debt rules, other ways to bring a Fallen back (taking memories sounds rad).

Things I forgot and wished I had written down: That the Neo’s systems coming online is supposed to be dramatic and have visual effects, that the book recommends offering a major miracle in the first encounter.

For Fair Gold, I tried to clean some pennies but ended up tarnishing them. Luckily, the person who’s condo complex we play at had some gold spray paint and we did that after the first session. For cheat tokens, I’m using popsicle sticks marked on one side, because the world’s oldest board game used them instead of dice, and Kieron says he like using weird dice but it gets confusing. 

Oh, and we ended up making folded name thingies for our personas, like we were still in middle school. That was a good idea.

The Cast:

Franz Gibson, a volunteer firefighter who quit his job as an accountant after he found out his wife was cheating on him with his boss. Has twin 7-year old boys who he misses terribly, and only weekend visitation. Was 17 in 2007. Playing Whylock the Enlightened, a Godbinder. Core desire: feels out of place in real life, more out of place in the game.

Sophia Twist, a Dickensian orphan who was 12 in 2007 but pretended to be 17. Inspired by Tomb of the Worm King, went to school to become a computer scientist, but decided not to go into game dev and became a cyber security expert. Playing Intel, a Neo. Core desire: I’m guessing her parents.

AJ Bryant, a culture reporter by day and youtuber by... afternoon? Started as a Let’s Play channel, but came out as a trans man and started transitioning a few years into it, and ended up doing a lot of leftist reactions to current events. Was 16 in 2007. Broke up with his boyfriend of over 4 years just under a year ago, and spent six months completely out of it. Playing Jett, a Dictator. Core desire: wants the privacy he was denied when he became a minor internet celebrity young.

Thomas Bryant, an accountant who hates being called Tommy. Was 14 in 2007, which made him the group baby. Worked at Walmart for a long time, but eventually went back to school to get his current job. Has been on and off with his boyfriend Michael for four years, and was planning to break up again, except Michael’s mom just died. Ouch. Playing Genevieve, an Amazement Knight. Core desire: not sure, but maybe boredom? Boredom got him to go back to school, and he is playing a knight of surprise.

Tripp Declan, a skeezy used car salesman and former frat boy. Was 17 in 2007. The less said about his attitude towards women the better, but his core drive is a fear of getting older. Playing Flip, the magnificent Fool.

Elena Forbes, who in 2007 was 21 and secretly a developer monitoring the group’s dynamics. After Tomb of the Worm King shut down, revealed her true identity to the group. Recently laid off just before a game shipped, so her name won’t be in the credits, so she can’t claim the game on her resume. Many years ago, warned Sophia not to go into game dev. Artistically frustrated. The Master, of course. 

Yes, I named my persona by mashing up two characters from The Vampire Diaries, knowing no one else at the table had ever watched it. 

(setting it in 2027 turned out to be a mistake, because whenever I prod people for popular culture they get vague because we don’t know what people in 2027 will be watching/reading/playing. but also, most of our players were 10 years old in 2007, and pushing back our teenage years back too far would be weird. and I wanted that where-did-my-life-go feeling from the comic.)

The Session:

During persona generation, I make sure to say Elena lives in a place with a space like the room we were playing in. I also take the hit as the person who falls prey to the Geek Social Fallacies enough not to kick Tripp out for being a creep. There’s an interesting divide between the players who work out their personas aloud and the ones who want to have a nearly-finished product before they say anything.

During character creation, when Tripp reads the beginning of the Fool’s character sheet aloud everyone groans at “their friends have to deal with the consequences”. This will probably happen with a lot of groups, if you give the Fool to the obvious candidate.

We ordered food in between persona generation and character creation, but we actually ate it in between character creation and getting sucked into the game world. This worked out great because doing character creation entirely in character was a bit much for me, so we ended up eating dinner as our personas instead. Turns out Franz has the same nut allergy as his player, but his sons love peanut butter. A modern tragedy.

After being sucked into the fantasy world, Elena transforms into Vesuvia, High Priestess of the Worm King and recognizable NPC from the old game. I don’t highlight that she transforms after grabbing her die hard enough, and have to make the other dice glow in order to prompt my players. Thomas tries to grab Tripp’s die when they’re the only two left, and I almost want to let it happen, but then I imagine running  Tripp as an Amazement Knight and... nope. 

Before the fighting starts, Thomas’s sword tells him to look at the door opposite the one the Fallen use to enter, ensuring that he’s surprised. I don’t give him a disadvantage on initiative, but when he ties with someone, I make him go second.

The first encounter reskins the Fallen as the Xenomorph ripoffs from Tomb of the Worm King’s starting zone, except they’re cybernetic in a way they weren’t before. After the first round of combat, a knockoff Xenomorph queen appears—the final boss of the only raid that the game launched with. Elena’s sent it as part of the first encounter to demonstrate that she’s done with old content. It’s time to get to newer things.

The Neo hasn’t read her character sheet completely and is very surprised when I tell her she has a slot in the back of her neck. Her AI System is more fun to act as than the Knight’s “aggressive” sword. The Lady of Ashes—the Godbinder’s fire god—is more fun than either. (Luckily he only casts fire spells this session, so I get some time to think about his other two gods: Brightbearer and the Master of Windows.)

After they defeat the Fallen, Thomas opens the door his sword pointed out to him earlier revealing... the Academy, part of the game’s starting zone. End of session. We go spray paint some coins.

Plans:

Give Sophia a chance to save her parents. Give Franz a chance to one-up James. Tempt Tripp with beautiful women. Unsettle AJ with the fact that as a Dictator, he doesn’t have any more privacy here than in the real world. 

Tomb of the Worm King didn’t give the players spaceships, just teleportation pads for jumping between planets. Give players a choice between hopping between pads to get to the final encounter or going overland to find and defeat those guarding the pad that brings them straight there. They’ll encounter similar encounters, but with different texture.

During the final encounter, Elena reveals that Vesuvia was always supposed to defect and help the players defeat the Worm King. All they need to do is agree to stay, and they can finish the raid, and then keep playing. Keep playing forever. Oh, and she’s not going to agree to leave.

[earthgirlmd]

Was just thinking about what a technologically liminal time my college years were:

We got an actual, hard copy facebook my freshman year, that listed a photo of everyone, their hometown, and their interests, but by senior year we had gotten actual Facebook.

There was a time around sophomore year when Facebook existed but our college hadn’t been added yet, so we had a generic version of Facebook just for our school

Facebook used to be set up more in the style of a facebook - your interests were more prominently displayed, along with your major, and there was a sort of "about me" section where you could post favorite quotes or silly in-jokes from your friends.

Everyone was given a landline phone for their dorms with a voicemail, but absolutely no one used it except for the one time the Astronomy Club robocalled everyone to announce an upcoming stargazing event

Texting wasn’t a thing yet, though! At least not until senior year, and even then not really. Texts were expensive and you had to press each key like three times to get to the letter you wanted, so you very rarely did it. Instead, 90% of communication happened on AOL Instant Messenger, which meant you had to be by an Actual Computer, which meant you would put up away messages saying things like “going to dinner” or “studying in the library” in case your friends wanted to find you.

I also want to emphasize that most of us had gotten on AIM as young kids or at least teens, which meant everyone’s screen name was stuff like xBrightEyesx1984x

You didn’t put your actual identity out on the internet back then, that was how child predators found you. Didn’t mean we were actually any good at protecting our privacy, though

But let’s not sleep on the art form of the passive-aggressive away message, which later transformed into the passive-aggressive status message on Facebook. Carefully curated song lyrics would be posted in lieu of the normal away message, meant to convey that you were pissed off or pining or whatever. AIM profiles could pose a similar function.

Speaking of song lyrics, I arrived with so many cds, but by sophomore year I had an OG iPod and was illegally downloading music from half of my dormmates through a Limewire knockoff that let you share files with anyone on the same local network. This is how I discovered ‘90s music.

We had a volunteer tech support club that would come by everyone’s dorm room on move-in day to help you get set up on the network. Because it used to be hard.

I had a special card that I had to insert into my computer to access the dorm’s wifi, and not every building had wifi.

We still had computer labs, but almost no one used them outside of specific classes, except maybe to print something. There was a computer lab in our dorm basement that was mostly used for movie watching parties on a projector.

We did not have YouTube until sophomore or junior year; if you wanted to watch a video, you had to download that shit to your computer and hope it wasn't a virus.

Relatedly, memes were artisanally hand-curated. The earliest memes usually took the form of a whole-ass website that someone set up, and then posted a lovingly-crafted flash animation on of a dancing badger or a banana phone or whatever. You found out about it because your friends emailed you a link or sent it through AIM.

When I studied abroad, I built a website with HTML to post my photos on, so that my family could see them. I did not use a WYSIWYG editor, I typed that shit into notepad. By senior year I was posting all my photos to Facebook.

This website was hosted on my friend's domain, which she had bought so that she could post her anime fanfiction.

Those photos were taken with my first digital camera. High school had been documented with film.

My dad heard somewhere about Cleolinda's Movies in 15 Minutes parodies of the LOTR movies and sent me the link, and that was how i discovered Livejournal.

[easyfoodnetwork]

Food-Adjacent TV to Stream This Weekend, According to Eater Staff

Actor Sandra Oh, wearing a black chef beanie and a white t-shirt, talks on an iPhone outside a restaurant kitchen. | BBC America

“Killing Eve,” reality TV favorites, classic sitcoms, and more

We at Eater spend a lot of time thinking about food, so when it appears on our TV screen, we take special interest. If you’re looking to stream some non-food TV that happens to be — at least tangentially — about food this weekend, here’s what we recommend.

Terrace House: Tokyo, Episode 11 (available to stream on Netflix)

Terrace House, the Japanese version of The Real World, has had a long history of food-related misdemeanors and crimes, but the most recent one entails broccoli, pasta water, and egg. Ruka, one of the housemates of the Tokyo house, is a complete enigma of a human being and maybe the most naive person to ever grace Terrace House (or the world?). In an attempt to cook broccoli pasta carbonara, he cracks an egg into the pasta water with the pasta, then adds broccoli. It seems he read the ingredient list, skipped the instructions, and simply winged it. Nothing matters, you know?!

In Netflix’s latest batch of episodes (Netflix US runs a couple of months behind Japan), Ruka attempts broccoli pasta carbonara again. I gasped when I saw he was making pasta FROM SCRATCH and squealed when he presented something that not only looked edible, but delicious! His housemates were (understandably) pleasantly shocked and I got very emotional. It’s rare when you see such dramatic growth. I imagine this is what parents feel when they see their children walk for the first time. — Pelin Keskin, Eater associate producer

Community (available to stream on Hulu and Netflix)

In 2009, when Community first aired, I was actually taking classes at a community college. Yet, somehow I’ve made it this long without watching this series created by Dan Harmon and featuring some of the current era’s most memorable actors (See: Donald Glover, Alison Brie, Gillian Jacobs, and Ken Jeong). The first season hinges on narcissistic student Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) starting classes at a Greendale Community College, where he’s pursuing his bachelor’s degree in an attempt to reclaim his suspended law license. Winger joins a Spanish 101 study group (remember when people still gathered in groups?) to incessantly hit on Britta Perry (played by Jacobs). But as the show evolves, episodes become more unhinged, playing into pop culture tropes observed by TV and movie obsessed student Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi). After a while, it becomes easier to view this show as sort of a live-action version of Harmon’s later work Rick and Morty, but with a slightly less noxious fandom attached. This is particularly encapsulated in episodes like Season 2’s “Epidemiology,” in which the whole student body is transformed into zombies after eating expired military rations. Season 2 also features an excellent example of weird TV sponcon in “Basic Rocket Science,” where the study group gets trapped inside a Kentucky Fried Chicken-branded space flight simulator. — Brenna Houck, Eater.com reporter and Eater Detroit editor

Killing Eve (Season 3, Episode 1, available to stream on BBC America)

Killing Eve, a BBC show that for two seasons has been about feminism, fucking, and fighting, has added a fourth “f” to its roster: food. When we reunite with the show’s titular “Eve” (Sandra Oh), we watch her shopping the aisles of an Asian grocery, grabbing ramen cups and snacks from shelves that seem preposterously well-stocked to my pandemic-warped eyes. The multitudes the store holds are intoxicating. We then discover that since we last saw her — left for dead by Villanelle (Jodie Comer), an assassin with whom she is/was mutually obsessed — Eve’s fled her job at MI5 for a gig as a dumpling chef at an Asian restaurant, a perfect place, perhaps, for an Asian American woman to make herself invisible in a city like London. As audience members, we get to watch her deftly pinch pot sticker after pot sticker as she eavesdrops on her relationship-impaired colleagues (once a spy, always a spy, perhaps), a rote activity that probably has a lot more in common with tradecraft than most espionage-based thrillers would have us believe. It’s a nice job for a perfectionist like Eve, one that’ll do well enough until (one assumes) Villanelle returns to her life and again throws it into chaos. — Eve Batey, senior editor, Eater SF

Difficult People (Season 1, Episode 5, available on Hulu)

Much of this criminally short-lived sitcom starring comedians Billy Eichner (Billy on the Street) and Julie Klausner takes place in a restaurant where a struggling-artist version of Billy works to pay the bills. But this episode stands out for its art-imitating-life plot: Julie, who has “the palate of a seven-year-old” stops by Billy’s place of employment to eat, but finds the menu too fancy for her liking (“everything on [the] menu has some kind of chutney or jus on it,” Julie complains).

So, when Billy’s boss leaves town for a few days, the duo convert the restaurant into a pop-up named the Children’s Menu, serving items that would belong on a kids’ menu someplace like Applebee’s. The pair set about marking up chicken tenders and fish sticks and peddling it to food blogs. And because Difficult People is set in New York, home to many people with poor taste but lots of money, crowds lap it up. It’s a fun skewering of a side of the food world that values creatively bankrupt novelty above all else. Looking at you, “cereal bars” and Museum of Ice Cream. — Tim Forster, editor, Eater Montreal

Lodge 49 (available to purchase on Amazon Prime)

I‘m not surprised Lodge 49 was cancelled after two seasons on AMC last fall; I’m delighted it aired at all. This shaggy dog show stars Wyatt Russell (the waggish spawn of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell) as Dud, an adrift surfer in recession-hit Long Beach, who finds connection through a fraternal lodge along the lines of the Freemasons. Meanwhile his sister Liz (Sonya Cassidy) works at a shitty Hooters knockoff called Shamroxx, run by a ghoulish regional corporate conglomerate, Omni Capital. These days, I’m reminded of Liz’s Season 2 story arc: She’s made manager of Omni’s replacement for Shamroxx, a stupid new steakhouse concept called Higher Steaks. When the restaurant struggles, the way Liz sticks up for her colleagues, who are some of the show’s best minor characters, is an inspiring rebuke of winner-takes-all capitalism — no surprise, as the whole show is basically a socialist document. Ironically it’s not streaming for free, but Lodge 49 is special and well worth buying to watch. — Caleb Pershan, Eater.com reporter

Frasier, Season 1, Episode 3 (available to stream on Hulu)

I know I’m incredibly late getting into Fraiser (most of my coworkers are obsessed with it), but it’s been about a week now and I’m already halfway through the second season. I can’t get enough of it. While Frasier’s advice to his listeners can be a little “meh,” it’s absolutely delightful to watch the main characters give each other therapy through their conversations. And watching each episode unfold feels like much needed therapy right now.

I could go on and on about all the episodes I love, but “Dinner at Eight” is my absolute favorite. Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) and his brother Niles (David Hyde Pierce) decide to take their father Martin (John Mahoney) out to dinner as a way to spend more quality time with him. When the restaurant loses their reservation, they decide to visit a steakhouse at Martin’s suggestion. His pitch: “You can get a steak this thick for $8.95.”

The Timber Mill is nothing like the trendy, pretentious restaurants Frasier and Niles frequent and the duration of the entire meal is a culinary culture clash. For example, when the beef trolley arrives and everyone at the table has to pick their cut of steak, Frasier asks, “How much extra would I have to pay to get one from the refrigerator?”

It’s absolutely heartbreaking to watch Martin get more and more aggravated as Frasier and Niles make ridiculously elaborate orders (a petite filet mignon “very lean, not so lean that it lacks flavor but not so fat that it leaves drippings on the plate”), poke fun at the restaurant, and give the servers a hard time. That’s why it’s so satisfying to watch Martin skewer Frasier and Niles for their snobbery, leaving them to eat the rest of their dinner alone under the scornful eyes of the Timber Mill’s servers as “Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs” plays in the background. — Esra Erol, senior social media manager, Eater

Real Housewives of New York, Season 8, Episodes 6 & 7

In times of uncertainty, we seek comfort in consistency: The sun will rise in the east, the tides will ebb and flow, and rich women will scream at each other for our enjoyment on Bravo. Recently, I’ve been rewatching old episodes of Real Housewives of New York and am currently in the midst of its landmark eighth season (“Please don’t let it be about Tom.” “It’s about Tom”). Practically every episode is a hit, but “Tipsying Point” and “Air Your Dirty Laundry” conveniently double as a lesson in the booze business. When jack of all trades/master of none Sonja Morgan announces that she’s releasing a signature prosecco called Tipsy Girl, she faces the wrath of Bethenny Frankel, founder of the Skinny Girl brand. As even the most casual Housewives watcher will tell you, Bethenny is famously protective of her business and turns vicious at any perceived attack on it. “I thought the alcohol was a great idea. I really looked up to what you did and I thought it would be a great way for me to get ahead,” Sonja blubbers to Bethenny in her Skinny Girl brand-blazoned office. It’s because of this episode, and this fight in particular, that I know what a “cheater brand” is.

By the way, I’ve tried Tipsy Girl prosecco and it’s... not the worst wine I’ve had. — Madeleine Davies, Eater.com daily editor

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/3eoMvVY https://ift.tt/2xDhUn5

Actor Sandra Oh, wearing a black chef beanie and a white t-shirt, talks on an iPhone outside a restaurant kitchen. | BBC America

“Killing Eve,” reality TV favorites, classic sitcoms, and more

We at Eater spend a lot of time thinking about food, so when it appears on our TV screen, we take special interest. If you’re looking to stream some non-food TV that happens to be — at least tangentially — about food this weekend, here’s what we recommend.

Terrace House: Tokyo, Episode 11 (available to stream on Netflix)

Terrace House, the Japanese version of The Real World, has had a long history of food-related misdemeanors and crimes, but the most recent one entails broccoli, pasta water, and egg. Ruka, one of the housemates of the Tokyo house, is a complete enigma of a human being and maybe the most naive person to ever grace Terrace House (or the world?). In an attempt to cook broccoli pasta carbonara, he cracks an egg into the pasta water with the pasta, then adds broccoli. It seems he read the ingredient list, skipped the instructions, and simply winged it. Nothing matters, you know?!

In Netflix’s latest batch of episodes (Netflix US runs a couple of months behind Japan), Ruka attempts broccoli pasta carbonara again. I gasped when I saw he was making pasta FROM SCRATCH and squealed when he presented something that not only looked edible, but delicious! His housemates were (understandably) pleasantly shocked and I got very emotional. It’s rare when you see such dramatic growth. I imagine this is what parents feel when they see their children walk for the first time. — Pelin Keskin, Eater associate producer

Community (available to stream on Hulu and Netflix)

In 2009, when Community first aired, I was actually taking classes at a community college. Yet, somehow I’ve made it this long without watching this series created by Dan Harmon and featuring some of the current era’s most memorable actors (See: Donald Glover, Alison Brie, Gillian Jacobs, and Ken Jeong). The first season hinges on narcissistic student Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) starting classes at a Greendale Community College, where he’s pursuing his bachelor’s degree in an attempt to reclaim his suspended law license. Winger joins a Spanish 101 study group (remember when people still gathered in groups?) to incessantly hit on Britta Perry (played by Jacobs). But as the show evolves, episodes become more unhinged, playing into pop culture tropes observed by TV and movie obsessed student Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi). After a while, it becomes easier to view this show as sort of a live-action version of Harmon’s later work Rick and Morty, but with a slightly less noxious fandom attached. This is particularly encapsulated in episodes like Season 2’s “Epidemiology,” in which the whole student body is transformed into zombies after eating expired military rations. Season 2 also features an excellent example of weird TV sponcon in “Basic Rocket Science,” where the study group gets trapped inside a Kentucky Fried Chicken-branded space flight simulator. — Brenna Houck, Eater.com reporter and Eater Detroit editor

Killing Eve (Season 3, Episode 1, available to stream on BBC America)

Killing Eve, a BBC show that for two seasons has been about feminism, fucking, and fighting, has added a fourth “f” to its roster: food. When we reunite with the show’s titular “Eve” (Sandra Oh), we watch her shopping the aisles of an Asian grocery, grabbing ramen cups and snacks from shelves that seem preposterously well-stocked to my pandemic-warped eyes. The multitudes the store holds are intoxicating. We then discover that since we last saw her — left for dead by Villanelle (Jodie Comer), an assassin with whom she is/was mutually obsessed — Eve’s fled her job at MI5 for a gig as a dumpling chef at an Asian restaurant, a perfect place, perhaps, for an Asian American woman to make herself invisible in a city like London. As audience members, we get to watch her deftly pinch pot sticker after pot sticker as she eavesdrops on her relationship-impaired colleagues (once a spy, always a spy, perhaps), a rote activity that probably has a lot more in common with tradecraft than most espionage-based thrillers would have us believe. It’s a nice job for a perfectionist like Eve, one that’ll do well enough until (one assumes) Villanelle returns to her life and again throws it into chaos. — Eve Batey, senior editor, Eater SF

Difficult People (Season 1, Episode 5, available on Hulu)

Much of this criminally short-lived sitcom starring comedians Billy Eichner (Billy on the Street) and Julie Klausner takes place in a restaurant where a struggling-artist version of Billy works to pay the bills. But this episode stands out for its art-imitating-life plot: Julie, who has “the palate of a seven-year-old” stops by Billy’s place of employment to eat, but finds the menu too fancy for her liking (“everything on [the] menu has some kind of chutney or jus on it,” Julie complains).

So, when Billy’s boss leaves town for a few days, the duo convert the restaurant into a pop-up named the Children’s Menu, serving items that would belong on a kids’ menu someplace like Applebee’s. The pair set about marking up chicken tenders and fish sticks and peddling it to food blogs. And because Difficult People is set in New York, home to many people with poor taste but lots of money, crowds lap it up. It’s a fun skewering of a side of the food world that values creatively bankrupt novelty above all else. Looking at you, “cereal bars” and Museum of Ice Cream. — Tim Forster, editor, Eater Montreal

Lodge 49 (available to purchase on Amazon Prime)

I‘m not surprised Lodge 49 was cancelled after two seasons on AMC last fall; I’m delighted it aired at all. This shaggy dog show stars Wyatt Russell (the waggish spawn of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell) as Dud, an adrift surfer in recession-hit Long Beach, who finds connection through a fraternal lodge along the lines of the Freemasons. Meanwhile his sister Liz (Sonya Cassidy) works at a shitty Hooters knockoff called Shamroxx, run by a ghoulish regional corporate conglomerate, Omni Capital. These days, I’m reminded of Liz’s Season 2 story arc: She’s made manager of Omni’s replacement for Shamroxx, a stupid new steakhouse concept called Higher Steaks. When the restaurant struggles, the way Liz sticks up for her colleagues, who are some of the show’s best minor characters, is an inspiring rebuke of winner-takes-all capitalism — no surprise, as the whole show is basically a socialist document. Ironically it’s not streaming for free, but Lodge 49 is special and well worth buying to watch. — Caleb Pershan, Eater.com reporter

Frasier, Season 1, Episode 3 (available to stream on Hulu)

I know I’m incredibly late getting into Fraiser (most of my coworkers are obsessed with it), but it’s been about a week now and I’m already halfway through the second season. I can’t get enough of it. While Frasier’s advice to his listeners can be a little “meh,” it’s absolutely delightful to watch the main characters give each other therapy through their conversations. And watching each episode unfold feels like much needed therapy right now.

I could go on and on about all the episodes I love, but “Dinner at Eight” is my absolute favorite. Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) and his brother Niles (David Hyde Pierce) decide to take their father Martin (John Mahoney) out to dinner as a way to spend more quality time with him. When the restaurant loses their reservation, they decide to visit a steakhouse at Martin’s suggestion. His pitch: “You can get a steak this thick for $8.95.”

The Timber Mill is nothing like the trendy, pretentious restaurants Frasier and Niles frequent and the duration of the entire meal is a culinary culture clash. For example, when the beef trolley arrives and everyone at the table has to pick their cut of steak, Frasier asks, “How much extra would I have to pay to get one from the refrigerator?”

It’s absolutely heartbreaking to watch Martin get more and more aggravated as Frasier and Niles make ridiculously elaborate orders (a petite filet mignon “very lean, not so lean that it lacks flavor but not so fat that it leaves drippings on the plate”), poke fun at the restaurant, and give the servers a hard time. That’s why it’s so satisfying to watch Martin skewer Frasier and Niles for their snobbery, leaving them to eat the rest of their dinner alone under the scornful eyes of the Timber Mill’s servers as “Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs” plays in the background. — Esra Erol, senior social media manager, Eater

Real Housewives of New York, Season 8, Episodes 6 & 7

In times of uncertainty, we seek comfort in consistency: The sun will rise in the east, the tides will ebb and flow, and rich women will scream at each other for our enjoyment on Bravo. Recently, I’ve been rewatching old episodes of Real Housewives of New York and am currently in the midst of its landmark eighth season (“Please don’t let it be about Tom.” “It’s about Tom”). Practically every episode is a hit, but “Tipsying Point” and “Air Your Dirty Laundry” conveniently double as a lesson in the booze business. When jack of all trades/master of none Sonja Morgan announces that she’s releasing a signature prosecco called Tipsy Girl, she faces the wrath of Bethenny Frankel, founder of the Skinny Girl brand. As even the most casual Housewives watcher will tell you, Bethenny is famously protective of her business and turns vicious at any perceived attack on it. “I thought the alcohol was a great idea. I really looked up to what you did and I thought it would be a great way for me to get ahead,” Sonja blubbers to Bethenny in her Skinny Girl brand-blazoned office. It’s because of this episode, and this fight in particular, that I know what a “cheater brand” is.

By the way, I’ve tried Tipsy Girl prosecco and it’s... not the worst wine I’ve had. — Madeleine Davies, Eater.com daily editor

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[trashthebreadburnthecircus-blog]

002. Better Progressive Living via Content (?)

Let's look at three options for how we can consume content and what, if any, effect it might have out in the real world:

1. You consume content, and other than possibly provoking some thought or discussion, you interact with it purely on a consumption level.

2. Content presents a progressive worldview which acts as a precursor to action in the real world.

3. Conversely to #2, Content can be used to subtly reinforce the most base kind of idiotic thinking, which is then used in the real world to do harm.

And of course there are more than these three options for people's interactions with The Lord Thy God Content. I'm using a few points to try and figure out if there are some larger conclusions to be had! So get off your high horse and stop being so goddamn judge-y. In this post, I'll address those first two items, because the third one needs a bit more unpacking (also, I've thought about item #3 more. I hope my rigorous and consistent methodology keeps you coming back).

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Let's start with option #1, which is how entertainment has mostly been framed since television was called “the idiot box.” This simplistic analysis isn't totally without merit though, right? I mean, how many times have you been out in the world with people just sitting there transfixed to their phones? How many times have you yourself been at home transfixed to your phone (or your tablet or computer or whatever)? As previously mentioned, the house of worship for the religion of Content is wherever you can access it.

The knockoff effect that I'm putting forth is simply this: that ease of access makes us lazy, and it reduces our empathy to boot (MUCH more about that in a future post). What's more fun and entertaining? Watching people fight for what's right in a make-believe-though-it's-about-current-politics-wink-wink scenario where the chances are they will succeed after 13 episodes? Or going out and fighting for what's right in the real world, for some indeterminate amount of time, in which you may or may not win, and on top of that your boss is being an asshole and your partner is probably thinking about breaking up with you and how much longer are your savings going to allow you to keep fighting the good fight and oh fuck why is the dog barking?

Depress people's wages, make them more stressed out, make the need to escape ever-increasing, and then give them 500+ options of shit to watch that will cover the gamut of their emotions. Boom, done. The God Content has got you covered. Just sit back, because consumption is the only action needed.

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But can it be that Content can actually get people up off their ass? Instead of keeping us planted in our seats, is it possible Content might do the flip? Some examples are instructive in this regard.

The first and main example that comes to mind was actually the impetus for this post. Specifically, I was thinking about The Handmaid's Tale. The show and the book are almost two different takes – the show could be considered an expanded universe that was originally set up in the book. And throughout the show, as you watch it, you can see that “oh, this is an analog to what could happen (or is beginning to happen) in the near future based on what is happening now” type thing. Because now, we have women dressed as handmaids popping up in real life, protesting legislation that would further reduce the already marginalized rights of women.

Which got me to thinking – were these women already going to protest? Has protesting become some version of FOMO in these modern times, in which a person can feel like they are missing out on social action as much as they are missing out on the never-ending vacation of their favorite IG celebrity? (And if it is: GOOD!). Did the show encourage their activism? (And a devils' advocate question: has anyone changed their belief system after watching THT that wasn't onboard with those politics in the first place?) Because here's the thing – by the simple act of doing a handmaid cosplay, these women are able to convey a whole system of complex thoughts regarding the potential subjugation of women and the current (and possible future) effects of the patriarchy.

Another example, slightly further back, is Anonymous. It seems like a real long time ago, but it's just been over a decade. The Guy Fawkes V for Vendetta mask became a symbol of a fight against a totally, very chill, this-is-definitely-not-a-business “religion” named Scientology, which, from all accounts, treats anyone who wants to leave in a exceedingly respectful manner that isn't at all unhinged or dangerous or scary in any kind of way. Again, a singular object from popular entertainment is transformed into something else, a shorthand script that can encapsulate larger ideas and communicate them immediately between like minds.

And while those two examples are of a type of cosplay used in direct action (and I'm not using that terminology to denigrate it – if that's what gets people going to fight against what Colin of Slice Harvester would call our Sick Fuckin Society, hell, cosplay it up), there's a whole other discussion of using media (or more precisely, a media delivery service) for the good, and that is in organizing. From the Arab Spring to Occupy Wall Street to Black Lives Matter to the current protests in Hong Kong, there is proof, time and again, that social media networks, as fucked up and myopic and self-serving as they can be, have the potential to be used to marshal people for the forces of progress.

And I don't mean to shortchange any of those examples of mass protest, but they have been written about and dissected by many others in much deeper and thorough ways. I bring all the examples up to return to option #2 – there are ways in which popular entertainment and social networks, whether they mean to or not, can and have given people the power or the courage or whatever they need to stand up against the bullshit. Will this happen more in the future? There's so much wrong with the world. If Content can push someone in a positive direction, do we accept that, hoping that it's the beginning of a person's awakening?

And what happens when or if Content pushes them in the other direction? You'll have to wait until the next post to find out–

[adriennescomingbacktolife]

(VII)

   “Those shades aren’t fooling anyone.”    Hesitantly, Angie Straussler’s daughter removed the knockoff Ray-Ban Jackie Ooh sunglasses. Angie reached across the small round table and touched Adrienne’s cheek, remarking softly, “Goddamn it, Ade.”    Another extended stay in Baltimore had ended much the same as any of the previous trips: being picked up by her mother. She had managed to delay the judgment on her sudden decision to just leave without notice for the night. She was tired and as soon as she entered her apartment, Adrienne collapsed on the couch. But it was only inevitable that she would be sitting across from her mother at a Starbucks just a few blocks away. Angie was insistent that they talk.    “I’m okay, mom.” She mumbled, embarrassed by her exasperation. Adrienne knew that her mom was reacting to the shiner she had acquired from the final blows that Hudson gave her prior to capturing the victory for her team. We Are Relentless had been a bewildering evening. Sure, she had won. That’s what a lot of folks will talk about. Not only that, it was Adrienne’s third win in a row but she wasn’t counting. She more so relished in the special moment that transpired even with something as innocuous as a temporary tattoo. And then that meeting with Zane King. Not sure what to think about that. Just what had he gone through?    “Adrienne.”    Taking a sip of her hot chocolate, Adrienne concluded that it was still too hot even with the abundant amount of whipped cream lurking beneath the lid. Setting it down on a napkin, she then looked in her mother’s eyes. With a little more bass in her voice, she reaffirmed her status. “Really, I’m okay.”    Angie furrowed her brow, as well as setting her jaw. Adrienne could tell her mother was a little agitated with her and this had been building up for quite a while. Underneath the table, she twisted the gold wedding band around her finger. The ambience of the coffee shop settled in: the folksy music, quiet murmur of other conversations, and the hustle and bustle of the employees. Adrienne flinched a little as her mother’s gaze as she finally broke the silence, “I’m not worried about what’s going on. I still don’t like it but you seem to be getting along well … up there.”    “Okay, then what?”    “Your life is here.”    Mrs. Straussler’s hand shot across the table, her long red nails digging into the soft flesh of Adrienne’s forearm. Her smile framed by loud crimson lipstick, a grotesque representation of her true expressions, as her voice rumbled throughout the shop, “And you’re never leaving!”        The monitor overhead in the abandoned control room cut off. Adrienne Levi sighed before pressing the red transmit button, “That’s not what happened.”    “I thought it was funny.”    “It wasn’t.” She paused, keeping the button held. It wasn’t only not funny, Adrienne was more than a little annoyed at this situation. Trying her best to hide her aggravation, she continued, “I’ve been here for days and all you’ve been doing is messing with me.”    The voice on the other side responds with a mousy meek voice, barely stifling their giggles, “Like when I made you think you were talking to yourself?”    Adrienne pushed the microphone away in disgust. To hell with this, she thought with a flash of anger.    “Or honestly, this whole preposterous set up.” The voice wasn’t coming from the console. And it wasn’t an approximation of her voice anymore. It was a deep rumbling bellow and this time, it was coming from behind her. “Awful rude of you to disturb my rest.”    Turning slowly, she watched as a shadowy form rose from its previously seated position.    “Why’d you come out here, girl? Looking for something?” Cackling, the form stepped into the trembling ray of light from Adrienne’s flashlight. Bones creaked as the corpse stumbled forward, it’s jaw jacking, “There ain’t nothing ‘cept the reruns of your life here.”    “But that isn’t what happened!”    “I don’t give a mutant rat’s ass. Might as well been. Look at you…”    The monitor flickered to life, showing Adrienne at her worst in rapid succession. A blustering, sobbing mess.    “Fuckin’ crybaby.”    Surprisingly not frightened by a reanimated skeleton, Adrienne balled up her fists.    “Dropping your baggage on whoever will listen to the pretty sad girl. Dopes, all of them.”    Upon reflection, she’d had these deep emotional moments with so many people lately. Some had made her feel better. Some not so much. But, if she was really just making them feel worse, that’d make her a pretty bad person.    “Cept that one weird guy. Fuck, they’re all weird. You know who I mean, card boy. Tells you to start living for yourself. Have one measly selfish bone in your body and all you can do is stammer on about yer Mommy. I don’t what’s more pathetic: you going around living this lie or this silly quest you’re on.”    After reaching behind his back, the skeleton in the tattered green jacket tossed something at Adrienne. The sword clattered at her feet.    “There you go. What you were looking for, right? This rusted piece of shit is make believe, girl. Just like all of this.”    Adrienne didn’t want to admit that she was wrong. How worthless her little daydreams had become. She huffed in response, “Just … why?”    Stepping forward with heavy bone rattling thuds, the creature’s voice transformed into one of Danny’s favorite artists. One of her least favorites as she’d heard every one of their albums multiple times over the years on the plethora of fruitless road trips with Danny. The backing track for Coma echoed throughout the small room as the thing imitated Axl Rose, “You live your life like it's a coma, won't you tell me why we'd wanna? With all the reasons you give... it's, it's kinda hard to believe.”    Realizing that this had all been a farce, she backed away to the door. The accusing monster closed in, bones splintering from so much use in a decayed state.    “But who am I to tell you that I've seen any reason why you should stay? Maybe we'd be better off without you, anyway…”    Before it could continue, Adrienne pulled open the steel door and went through the opening. Horrified, she suddenly realized she was falling ...        Adrienne had compiled as much content about Eli Goode as she could and had compiled it into a playlist. His ups and downs, his tendencies to carelessly traipse into some very ugly emotions, and most undoubtedly his astounding tenancy as a competitor.    She reclined on the couch, nursing a pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream as the playlist served as background to her own wandering thoughts. It was as if he was trying his best to be a kind person but it seemed to be a poor substitution to what he truly was. Adrienne didn’t want to judge him for this, these were merely just observations. After all, she knew her own flaws. Knew that no matter what she said out loud, that she lacked the convictions to follow through. The other day with her mother had been a tough pill to swallow.    But Angie was right.    Here goes Adrienne Levi, gallivanting off to her perfect wonderful world without a care. Neglecting her responsibilities back home. It was easy to see that everyone was against her but that just wasn’t the case.    “Adrienne,” her mother repeated, putting a hand on her daughter’s forearm, squeezing gently, “Your life is here.”    She stonewalled her inclination to tear up. Adrienne’s voice quivered as she replied, “I don’t want to be here anymore.”    “You don’t think I know that?” Leaning in, Angie spoke just for her daughter, “I’ve tried to get you out of that apartment for over a year now. I’ve tried everything, Ade. You tell me all of these things but here you are, still in Danny’s grasp. Surrounded by his life. By his death. You’re a grown woman, so that’s why I humor your excursions. It’s only natural. It’s a world you’ve never been in and I’m so happy for you.”    Angie paused, stirring in a packet of cream into her cup of coffee.    “You’re going about it the wrong way. Burning through your money just to hang out with your new friends. You don’t know how amazing that is even to say. Your new friends, Adrienne. But you spent nearly three grand for a hotel room alone-- ”    Adrienne’s mother cut herself off. She knew when her point was made. Her daughter’s head was down, eyes averted.    “It’s not all your fault. But he’s dead. And here you are, in the third decade of your life and you don’t know how to balance a checkbook. Or how to drive.”    “Mom.”    “I’m not trying to embarrass you, Ade. But fantasy time is over. You want to leave here? You want to spread your wings? Well, first thing’s first, you’ve gotta leave Danny Levi behind.”        “Hi, Eli.”    Adrienne Levi came into focus. Behold the power of a $400 digital camera. One that Adrienne was still having trouble operating. Her first take, she was upside down. The second time, she had been talking for about five minutes before she realized she never charged the battery. Then after that, she started filming in her living room and realized that the poor lighting made it seem like she was telling a ghost story at the campfire. The unintentional Dutch angle worked for Mitch Heart surely but Adrienne just came off as Minnie Mouse trying to be tough and intimidating.    So after taking a deep breath, many deep breaths actually, Adrienne set up somewhere a little festive. She hadn’t been to the Rumba Island Bar & Grill since quitting her previous job. It had been her go-to watering hole after a long shift of getting screamed at. Charlie the bartender didn’t even remember her - which to be honest was a relief. Regardless, she settled for the patio outside. Under an umbrella, Ade was seated at a small round metal table. She wore a shirt that had a picture of purple oranges with the label Purples. She waved at Eli as she sipped at a ridiculously huge strawberry Daiquiri from a neon purple twisty looped straw.    “Don’t tell anyone but I guess I’m technically drinking on the job. I wanted to formally introduce myself to you. I’m Adrienne. Started here about three months ago. I don’t expect you to know much about me. You are after all a big-time star.” Adrienne took a timely drink before continuing. “And I’ve done okay for myself. My friends would point out that I’m on a little winning streak but I’m not sure that matters. I guess it's cool. It took just as long for me to end up with a televised entrance. You know, someone asking me - how do you want to come out? I imagine that’s small potatoes to someone like you.”    She didn't do this to be biting or sarcastic. Watching Eli Goode over the last few days had revealed some worrying trends.    “I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot. Look at your resume, Eli. Rookie of the year. Captured nearly every single championship this place has to offer. Part of a super group led by undeniable legend Jack Michaels. And you seem like a real sweet guy. My heart goes out to you. Over the last few months, you've made a lot of promises to help Kyra Johnson. All while on your new crusade to capture yet another championship. So I have to imagine that it is disconcerting that you once more have to embark on a new challenge without conquering the last. Late last year, you said 2020 would be all about you. I think it would be safe to assume that it hasn’t been. I’m not here to talk about your personal life as much as it is on display lately. But this Paragon? I’d say that’s been dissolved. And since your tag team title reign ended, you’ve been chasing that championship glory you so desire - yet to no avail.”    Raising her pointer finger as if to finally put an exclamation on this little piece of exposition, she remarked, “That’s not to say it won’t happen again. It just seems like that this is the only thing that really defines you. Even what was supposed to be your most endearing moment, your only way to heal Kyra was for you to become champion.”    Adrienne stopped. She understood there was possibly more to it but she wasn’t here to discuss Eli Goode’s fragile masculinity.    “Now to be fair, I’ve never been the champion of anything. Closest I’ve been is 3rd place in my middle school’s spelling bee. So maybe I just don’t get it. I just know what I’ve seen out of you. Like for one, it seems like you’ve adopted this underdog status. What kind of underdog goes and tells Zephyr Quinn of all people that she doesn’t deserve to win because your turn at being UltraViolent champion was too short? As if it was a toy that belonged to you. And also, what kind of aspiring champion talks about a title and says that it means nothing?”    Nathaniel Grant had been an easy target, sure. But to disparage a champion just because the perceived prestige of the championship he held wasn’t to Eli’s standard really bothered Adrienne.    “I get why you say these things. I truly do. You speak with this undercurrent of arrogance because that’s what Jack Michaels did. You’ve spent your entire career in Carnage Wrestling trying to live up to his image. Trying your best to become the next Jack instead of the first Eli Goode.” Stirring her drink a bit, she let that settle in. One week, Eli spoke like he was the creme of the crop. The next, he was screaming about missed opportunities. Picking up that thread, she smiled as she spoke, “In nearly every encounter you’ve gone on about, you’ve decided that you’re the arbiter of one’s value to this company. Makes me wonder how you size me up. I’m sure we’ll share the normal niceties. Cuz here’s what I know. You represent a huge opportunity to me.”    With her confidence swelling, she felt a little braver in her words - or maybe it was a good buzz, she wasn’t sure. This certainly wasn’t her second drink of the day.    “I’ve heard my peers. They expect greatness from me. I don’t know about that. I’ve never been great at anything. I only asked that if you can hear the sound of my voice, listen to me just for a moment. If you’ve been standing in the shadows for a long time, step out with me. And if you believe in me - even just a little bit, then join me.”    With that invitation extended, she shifted one last time to Eli Goode.    “Eli, you’ve always proclaimed yourself to be the future of this business but Paragon is long past. I’m not here to make such grand claims. But I’m not going to be your foothold back to what makes you whole. The nature of the business is … sometimes unfair. Somebody has to lose, and I’d rather it be you. I’m here to pass you by and establish that Adrienne Levi is just as Goode as any of you.”        Opening her eyes, she was treated with a close up view of an empty Coors Light can half hidden in the weeds. Her body was racked with pain as if she fell out of the sky. Pushing up from the dirt, she tried to get a sense of her bearings. Still in her winter clothing, she’d quickly become aware of the sweltering heat of a summer afternoon in Florida. Brushing her hair out of her face, she looked around. Deposited on the side of I-75 but there was no traffic buzzing past her. The world seemed empty, even frozen in place.    Looking forward, she saw the sign. Literally, a sign. A green one affixed to steel rails planted into the ground that said in white letters, “Thank you for visiting Florida!”

[operationrainfall]

Title Luminous Avenger iX Developer Inti Creates Publisher Inti Creates Release Date September 26th, 2019 Genre Action platformer Platform PC, Nintendo Switch, PS4, Xbox One Age Rating T for Teen – Blood, Fantasy Violence, Language, Suggestive Themes, Use of Tobacco Official Website

I’ve been a fanboy on the Gunvolt bandwagon long before Gunvolt Chronicles: Luminous Avenger iX. Not only did I play the first two games, but I also reviewed them both on the site. So in case there was any concern about my credibility talking about the series, let’s put that to rest. The initial question I had when I heard about Luminous Avenger iX was how far after the second game it took place. As I played, other significant questions came up, though there’s not much I can discuss for fear of spoilers. That said, I will do my best to touch upon those issues for other fans, as well as tackling the gameplay itself. While I’m still a fan of the Gunvolt series after Luminous Avenger iX, there’s also a few bumps in the road I need to address.

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As I stated above, it’s unclear how long after Gunvolt 2’s events that Luminous Avenger iX takes place, but things have definitely taken on new urgency. Now, Adepts are completely in power, and go so far as to hunt down and execute un-powered humans, referred to as Minos. Whereas I used to think of the Azure Striker Gunvolt series as a nod to Mega Man, now I can’t help but notice the similarity to the X-Men. In a way it’s a reverse of that comic series, a world where the super powered rule over the weak with cruelty. At the head of this dynamic is the Sumeragi Institute for the Promotion of Human Evolution, which is a group that should sound familiar to fans of the games. It’s not clear how this came to be, nor where Gunvolt himself is, but Copen’s not about to sit back and watch this atrocity continue. While his primary goal is to find the source of something called the Butterfly Effect, he also elects to protect a group of young street urchin Minos. Despite his often caustic and emotionless exterior, I found this was consistent with his personality. After all, he himself is technically a Mino, and his hatred has always been against Adepts. The key difference between him and your average Mino is his technical genius, which let him build Lola to copy and utilize Septima powers through mechanical means.

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Much like Inti did with previous series such as Mega Man Zero, each installment of the Gunvolt games has become slightly less hardcore and more welcoming to players of various experience levels. That is true in Luminous Avenger iX. An example of this is that the game has gotten rid of individual achievements. You still get graded after each level, so worry not if you’re a hardcore completionist. It’s just now you don’t have to worry about satisfying other arbitrary requests. Much like the last game, I found it somewhat easier to get a good score than in the original Gunvolt game, but not so easy I ever felt I wasn’t working for it. I got plenty of B’s, a few A’s and even one shining S+. The reason it’s still a challenge is that the gameplay is pretty similar to the most recent game, meaning that the bosses are still quite challenging.

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In case you need a refresher course, the game keeps the trend of tagging and then blasting foes. For Copen, you tag foes by literally dashing into them. You have a small window of invincibility when you connect, so you’re encouraged to be aggressive, but don’t be so aggressive you accidentally wander into enemy fire. When you tag a foe, it uses up a Bullit, of which you have 3. Once you’re out of Bullits, your Prevasion turns off, meaning you can take damage again. So combat is a tight balance of dashing into foes, hitting them with homing rounds, avoiding getting hit and rinsing and repeating. One nice new change is if you reload your Bullits in mid-air, you’ll charge down to the ground with a crash capable of breaking objects. Though you’ll have to be careful using it, since if you don’t land on solid ground, it’s game over.

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I’ve said previously how much I enjoy playing as Copen, and that’s still true. He’s fast, furious and frankly brutal. Coupled with Lola’s Septima EX weapons, he’s a veritable Swiss Army Knife of mayhem. Even then, playing him requires great reflexes and better strategy, especially against the bosses. One thing that’s changed from previous games is Copen can’t use credits to buy new active combat abilities. There is a Customize screen, where you can buy things like additional Bullits. You can also buy passive modifiers, such as Regenerator, which restores Copen’s health when he uses his SP Skill, or OD Guard Up, which halves damage when in Overdrive mode. If I sound a bit uncertain about these, it’s cause I didn’t purchase any of them during my playthrough. I like playing a game in as pure a form as possible, and for me that meant learning to master Copen without any extra helping hand. That said, if you’re the sort that likes to tinker, there’s a multitude of options for you to try out. If you’re feeling brave, you can also try out Lola’s new Darkness Trigger, which puts her in berserk mode, attacking with random EX skills until her meter depletes.

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While the combat is most definitely one of the biggest draws in Luminous Avenger iX, it would be meaningless without exhilarating boss fights. This game assuredly carries on that tradition, as it does the pattern of having 7 main Adept bosses you confront. While I normally don’t cover these in detail, I feel I should touch upon all seven Falcons real quick. First let’s talk about Rebellio. He’s on death row for crimes he committed, and Sumeragi decides to offer him a deal – kill Copen and live. His Septima is Energy Wool, which lets him create crimson constructs out of thin air, such as mace balls, gatling guns and more. As for his appearance, he looks like nothing so much as a very angry Ram. Then there’s Crimm, a psychopath who loves explosions and considers himself an artist. His Detonation Septima lets him rain pure destruction wherever he desires, gesturing with crustacean limbs while protected by a circular shield. Then there’s Stella. She may look like a floozy and talk like a sailor, but she’s actually the president of an electronics manufacturer. Her Septima is Gravity, which not only gives her the power to alter your movement, but to also manifest dangerous buzzsaws and energy beams. Of all the Adepts in this game, her transformation is the most mechanical, making her look like a living blade.

More Falcons on Page 2 ->

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If you think Stella’s a hard case, then you should see her android manservant, Dystnine. He’s the only robot capable of using Septima, other than Lola, and his is particularly strange. His transformation makes him look like a mix between a unicorn and a bullfighter, and his Vectored Cloth Septima allows for some very interesting tricks, such as blocking attacks and tangling you up. Beyond just being a skilled fighter, he’s also completely loyal to Stella, to almost a romantic degree. Or take one of my personal favorites, Isola, who is essentially an evil Idol. Think Hatsune Miku but pink and insane, and you’re on the right track. Her Septima is Companion, and while you might not think she’s that dangerous, you’d better watch out before Isola shatters you with bright pink lights and holograms. If you feel like a tough guy, you can try on Bakto for size. He’s essentially a Yakuza boss, and his Spiral Septima turns him into a fierce, blue lion man. Lastly, there’s Blade. Blade is incredibly powerful, and doubly so when outraged and in berserk mode. Unlike the other Falcons, Blade seems to not be entirely in control of their actions. But don’t let that lower your defenses, since you’ll need all your skills to beat this recurring boss character.

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Frankly, I really enjoyed all the Falcons in the game, and felt they added a lot of personality and depth to the story. Especially since they reveal how diabolical Sumeragi has become. Most of the Falcons are only working for Sumeragi cause they’re forced to. Hell, Rebellio is on death row unless he can finish the job. Despite being in power, this shows how out of control and desperate they have become, a fact which becomes painfully apparent very late in the game. I can’t say why, but once you find out the truth behind the Butterfly Effect, you’ll hate Sumeragi with a burning passion. And by the very end of the game, you’ll question a good many things about the Gunvolt universe.

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As much as I loved the Falcons, I’m not sure I can say the same for all the Minos. They’re all adorable, especially self proclaimed pixie leader, Kohaku, but they just don’t feel that relevant in the game. Sure, Kohaku and her history serves a purpose, but the rest of them kind of feel like kawaii Charles Dickens knockoffs. Maybe if they got a bit more development I wouldn’t feel that way, but frankly I feel this is a pattern in the Gunvolt series. We get introduced to a new band of side characters each time, and very few of them actually matter. Which is a shame, since there’s so much I otherwise enjoy about the games.

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Visually, I can easily say Luminous Avenger iX is the most beautiful game in the series. Everything is bold, colorful and full of detail. Though I would never call the original 3DS graphics ugly, everything is so much better on Switch. Even the menus are attractive, and I really like the portrait art as well. As for the sound design, it’s also fantastic. The music is dynamic and draws you in, and the sound effects pop with personality. One of my favorite changes here is that now dialogue happens at set points in the level, and NEVER during combat. This is such a great improvement, and shows Inti Creates listens to fan feedback. It doesn’t hurt that all the voice actors in this game are tremendously talented. If we were grading this game just on the artistry, it would easily get a perfect score.

I know typos happen, but they still take me out of the experience…

Sadly, there are a few areas I feel Luminous Avenger iX falls short. Firstly, it really bothers me that I’m not sure if this game has different endings, as is tradition. While I can’t go into reasons why this bothers me, suffice it to say that some of the late game revelations really have me scratching my head. I would almost go so far as to suspect this game takes place in an alternate universe, it’s that big. But without knowing that for sure, it’s hard to ascertain how much I enjoyed the story at large. Another area that my lack of clarity irritated me was with the Bonus Medals. There’s 4 in each stage, and I’d love to tell you what they do, but I have no idea. While it’s true I did apparently unlock some Special Missions at some point in the game, I’m pretty sure that had nothing to do with the Medals. A more substantial gripe I have is with the translation. I usually don’t point out this sort of thing in the games I’m fond of, but it’s unavoidable here. Not only do some characters have very awkward grammatical flubs, there’s also some weird Westernization that occurs. I mentioned Bakto early, and how he’s essentially a Yakuza boss. I said “essentially” since in the game, he’s called a Mafia boss. Problem is, everything about him screams Yakuza, from his name to his demeanor. This wouldn’t bother me, except for the fact Inti Creates usually waves their Japan flag pretty high and proud. It just struck me as awkward to change that sort of thing, especially since fans of the series can tell what’s up. Lastly, a recurring issue I have is with the leveling system. It still feels too passive and unnecessary to me. It’d be one thing if leveling up did more than increase your base health, such as opening up modifiers you can equip or something. As it is, I just don’t feel that’s necessary at all for a game this fast paced and frenetic.

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I did truly enjoy Luminous Avenger iX, but I can’t help but feel it wasn’t consistently awesome in every regard. The plot left more questions than it answered, and while the combat was definitely a lot of fun, I wanted more of it. Perhaps that’s because the last game had two protagonists instead of just one, but regardless there should have been something more to keep me playing. I managed to beat the entire game in a little over 3 hours, though I spent another 2 and change to try and find a secret ending. While I didn’t succeed in unlocking any new endings, there is still a bit of replay value. Those who like to tinker can unlock a lot of customization options, and truly hardcore fans can try and get an S+ for each stage. There’s also the aforementioned Special Missions, which are basically remixed forms of stages with harder boss fights. For $14.99, you still get an amazing game with Luminous Avenger iX. I just hope that the next adventure does more to explain the setting of this title, as well as to expand on the areas the series already excels.

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[easyreview cat1title=”Overall” cat1detail=”” cat1rating=”4″]

Review Copy Provided by Publisher

REVIEW: Gunvolt Chronicles: Luminous Avenger iX Title Luminous Avenger iX