#I think that I can evoke different emotions in people

[omint]

Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your wonderful JJK art and comics with us!! You have broken my heart with your artwork about ten times this morning but I'm extremely grateful for it 🖤

Hope you and your loved ones are keeping safe!

Ohhhh, thank you ♥♥♥ I’m really happy hear that ♥

[rosesnbooks]

Astrology observations #5🖤

🌜I wrote these for fun, based on how i see these placements. i'm not a professional! hope you enjoy these🌛

⭐cancer placements allow themselves to feel their emotions. they may get annoyed by the intensity or the amount of them, but they process them fully, and this makes it easier for them to move on. random thought but writing letters to people they like may be something they do or did as kids haha. they're very romantic

⭐some aries venuses have obsessive tendencies when they have a crush, and they get frustrated a lot if they think they can't/shouldn't pursue them. they enjoy the tension, but they don't want it to last too long because they dislike not being in control, and having feelings for someone leaves them feeling too vulnerable. that's why they try to move on if they can, but it takes work. when they do find someone, they become really clingy but they still need freedom when it suits them

⭐mars in libra avoid conflicts and try to be reasonable about everything, but if they think you crossed a line, you'll see why aries is their sister sign pretty soon. once they tell you off, you'll never see them the same way, so underrestimate them at your cost

⭐having stelliums can be interesting. it for sure puts a lot of emphasis on the influence of that house on your life, and i found that it can be both positive and negative since they face lots of challenges related to their house but also many blessings. those who have stelliums kind of embody multiple characteristics simultaneously

⭐sun in the 11th people glow when they are with their closest friends. they also tend to dream big and care a lot about the world. their friends usually help them in their future goals. they feel a bit different than people in their hometown/country, mostly because they cannot be tied down to a single culture because they enjoy different things, which usually makes them quite open-minded and tolerant. they can be picky about the people they let in super close though

⭐mars in the 6th can procrastinate a lot actually, but they get things done. may get sudden waves of high energy and get things done rapidly and extensively. they expect a lot from themselves regarding their ambitions and aspirations. they try to improve themselves in any way most of the time, but they should also accept their current state if they want to evolve and love themselves. they need to watch out for their moral perfectionism too. it's okay to make mistakes as long as you apologise and strive to change for the better

⭐i've found that virgo mercuries can be really direct, even if they are shy or don't talk much around strangers or acquaintances, they have their moments. super funny too

⭐north node in cancer struggle with accepting their vulnerable side. they hate feeling like things and people can evoke strong emotions in them. they want to be more detached, but those that work on themselves find it very rewarding once they embrace their strong emotions. they can also be really reliable, practical, and thoughtful

⭐fire+water combinations in birth charts-i am sending you a hug. i know exactly how difficult it is to keep all those emotions under check, and that you need a lot of understanding and rest to function. use those emotions and passions well hun, you are strong and capable. you have a lot of empathy and wonder inside of you

⭐capricorn sun/mercury have a dry way of texting. their humor is difficult to read via text and they simply are not fans of texting, and it shows lol

⭐aries mercuries are not always available online and they may come and go when they're online, but they'll answer all of your messages one by one with lots of enthusiasm. they also like to send memes and joke around a lot

⭐virgo mercuries are not fans of texting and they can answer you after a couple of days or so even if they really like you. similarly to aries, they'll make sure they answer everything and they also pay attention to every detail you mention. very sweet really. their humor shines brighter in person

⭐taurus moon are very capable. they may prefer rest over anything else, but their patience and dedication to the things they need to do is really cool. they are calm most of the time so it's nice to be around them, just don't disrespect them and everyone will thrive

⭐taurus venus men can be really possessive. even if you like such behavior, some can go to extremes and try to control how you feel, think, and behave. they have a specific image of an ideal partner and they want you to fulfill it

⭐libra venus tend to care about how they look and present themselves so they put lots of effort into that. they also have standards when it comes to beauty and some expect others to dress and look well, whether they know them or not

⭐women with venus in aquarius-you may be attracted to men who are mysterious and act like they're special. just be careful because there are so many toxic ones out there who want a relationship but not truly, because they don't want to dedicate themselves to you and maybe plan on using you

⭐pisces moon can feel like they're drowning in their own emotions sometimes because they cannot control them easily and they tend to give in. if they like to portray themselves as a martyr these emotions can get out of hand because they let those emotions lead them which influences their mental health and relationships. those who are developed process these emotions and try to figure them out and let them pass. they can learn a lot about themselves and others this way. creative outlets can be of help to process this

⭐leo moon need to watch out for hurting people when their ego is hurt because they can lash out and make lots of damage. take a second to think whether it's worth it or not, since there is no point in trying to "win" in a fight with someone you love

⭐pisces mars can be too forgiving, especially to those they care about. don't let people walk over you dear, no matter who they are. nobody deserves that kind of treatment

thank you for reading!🤍i also offer paid astrology readings, so check out my blog for more info

©rosesnbooks

[elysiansparadise]

Composite Chart observations

🤍Jupiter or Part of Fortune in the 1st house not only indicates that you feel more joyful with the other, but that when or after being with the other, many opportunities of any kind can come to you. The relationship will bring with it a lot of self-improvement for both and a feeling that things in life become simpler.

🤍When Sun it's in the 7th, 8th or 12th house we find ourselves in a mirror relationship, in which you will show each other the other sides of yourselves that you had never been aware of. They will be more similar than they look, because in terms of core they can be very alike. The other will openly display behaviors that you repress.

🤍A peculiarity of Mars and/or Mercury in the 11th house is that both are likely to have very different personal opinions but very similar goals. They may be very different at first impression and even have very different ways of behaving, but they can understand each other well and go after what they want as a team.

🤍I have noticed that when Saturn is making just positive aspects on a composite chart, it is capable of helping the tensions that some squares can cause, as it adds stability and durability to the dynamics of the relationship, but above all the willingness to solve problems by fact that both see in this relationship something to maintain in the long term.

🤍The Moon-Venus conjunction gives us that relationship in which if one of the parties is moody and the other enters the room, their day immediately brightens. It seems that they only need to see each other to be happier. They evoke a lot of sweetness and tenderness in each other. They will love to take care of each other in every way, from the most practical to the emotional side, without forgetting to mention how comfortable they feel simply being by each other's side.

🤍Jupiter or Saturn in the 10th house cause there to be a mutual and very strong admiration for the person the other is, what they achieve and their ambition. If these planets positively aspect the Sun, Venus or Mercury will constantly let each other know, and even other people.

🤍Having a Stellium in the 11th house makes the dynamic lighthearted, fun and very pleasant for both of you. You will feel that you can be yourself uninhibitedly and be able to express your ideas and emotions without being judged. Likewise, they will have a great willingness to help each other and will awaken the empathetic and altruistic side of the other. They can have very similar worldviews despite differences in temperament and attitude.

🤍Venus in Aries allows the duo to spend many moments of joy and laughter. They may have many similarities between them and love to joke with each other. It is an indicator of playful teasing, of a lot of enthusiasm and fun. They really love each other's company, even if it's just few minutes. They highly value being authentic and transparent with others.

🤍When the Moon or Venus is in the 12th house, it shows us a duo or a couple who is affectionate or more affectionate in private, they may prefer a moment of greater intimacy since it makes them likely to be very reserved people with their feelings but, surprisingly , very open between them.

🤍Neptune in water houses favors emotional connection and the ability to intuit the feelings of the other, also giving the sensation of understanding each other without words and without much difficulty. They can have a very great feeling of adoration and fascination for each other, as well as devotion.

🤍The Moon-Neptune aspects make them deeply connected to each other on an almost inexplicable level. Both not only read and understand each other like no one else, but they seem to quickly feel what the other feels. They can infect each other with their moods. It is even likely that, for example, if one is thinking about the other, the other will send a message or call them on the phone. They absorb each other's mood and can quickly adopt their usual behaviors or phrases even without realizing it.

🤍With Pluto in the 9th house, both will profoundly change the way the other sees things. Being together and having a regular conversation with each other entails many epiphanies, seeing things from other perspectives and feeling that things finally make sense. Both have the goal of teaching each other a lot and fully trust that the other positively influences their lives. They simultaneously add depth and fun to the other person's life.

🤍Having Mars in the angles makes both of you motivated almost instantly. Being next to each other makes them feel energized, motivated and they easily make the other feel capable of achieving and going after everything they want. They can bring out the confident and sociable side of each other.

🤍When you have Venus or Moon in the 10th house, the duo shows others, consciously or unconsciously, the high degree of affection and appreciation they have for each other. People tend to see them as very similar and compatible like each other and they tend to provoke adoration in others. It may even be a couple or pair of friends that others find admirable or your dynamic may be something that people would like to have in their lives.

[estrellogy]

Astro Notes Pt. 4

Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll!

- Both water and air signs, especially risings here, are good at mirroring others. But they often evoke different responses. Water signs are often projected on because like water, they reflect directly what energy others are giving out. Water deals more with subconscious emotions and energies that others may not even be aware of themselves. Air signs, on the other hand, mimic and adapt. They are social chameleons who know what’s expected from them. That’s why they are often well-liked.

- Scorpio placements, especially sun and rising, if underdeveloped, can pride themselves on their manipulation skills and how good they are at lying. They are extremely emotionally intelligent, observant, and aware of their environment. These are the keys to be a good manipulator. However, when they mature, they’ll use these natural abilities in much more productive ways. They grow to value truth and integrity above all else because they’ve experienced the other side of it.

- Personal experience: I have Moon in 9th house and traveling is so intertwined with my life. Two out of three siblings on my dad’s side (my dad and his sister) work in the airline industry, so they travel all the time as part of their jobs. My mom is a Sagittarius moon and she loves traveling. She would let me skip school sometimes to travel. It’s so interesting to see how astrology is not only reflected in an individual’s chart but is connected through generations.

- Speaking of 9th house. I have a theory that if you want to improve your social skills and charisma, work with your 9th house energy. People usually focus on their 1st, 7th, and 10th house because they are social/relationship houses. Maybe 3rd house since it focuses directly on communication. But 9th house is the house of higher learning, philosophy, and hope. I think we often connect best with others when we discuss about our own life philosophies, our live experiences and lessons, and our hopes and dreams. 9th house represents such an interesting and expansive part of us that’s often overlooked. I think 9th house is where our human spirit is stored.

When you’re deeply connected to this well of positivity, wouldn’t you naturally become charismatic and interesting and fun? That’s why Sagittarius is such a charming sign. Even though it’s not ruled by the beautiful Venus or glamorous Neptune, it radiates light. Work with your 9th house to unlock your own charm. It is that which attracts people.

- Sun sextile Pluto women have a very subtle way of getting people to do what they want. They don’t try to dominate or force, but they play into their natural strengths. For example, if they notice that people respond well whenever they come across as innocent/childlike, they’ll play more into it. They don’t alter their authentic self but more like, they add spice to it. Sun trine Pluto does this more naturally, sometimes without even realizing. But sextile is much more intentional.

They’re usually quite playful and flirty individuals. They gain power without people noticing. Sometimes, they even give up a little bit of power, become intentionally vulnerable, while gaining the upper hand without the other person knowing. They truly understand power = influence, not control. Fascinating people to observe.

- Taurus will take their time. That’s why they’re master seducers. They don’t make their suitors wait simply to play games. They are genuinely picky and know their worth. Like any earth sign, they know the value of time, especially theirs. So they would rather wait to see if the other person is worth it than jump blindly into it and have their time wasted. It also helps that they are so sensual and tempting, which comes from being deeply connected to their physical senses and body. They radiate feminine power. Venus in 2nd house also applies.

[royalarchivist]

I love the QSMP. Not only has it introduced me to many amazing international creators, it's also introduced me to the French and Brazilian community, who are so sweet, funny, and chaotic in their own unique ways. I love seeing fans sharing their culture and learning from one another, and I myself have learned a lot this past year. I think it's incredible how QSMP brings so many different people together – all of us united in our love and passion for this project and its goals.

But passion can often evoke strong emotions, and these strong emotions aren't always positive.

The past few months, I have seen multiple waves of hate, bad-faith generalizations of communities, and racist remarks directed at fellow fans – especially those who are part of the French / Brazilian community. This kind of behavior is inexcusable, and is in direct conflict with the mission of QSMP, which is to break language barriers and unite communities.

We are a global community with a variety of people from different backgrounds. Miscommunications may occasionally occur because of cultural differences and/or language barriers, but we should use these moments as opportunities to learn and engage with other people rather than assuming the worst about them and starting fights.

Although certain issues can be resolved with communication, sometimes it’s better to block and move on. Avoid spreading negativity or hate, and save yourself the headache of interacting with people who are just looking for someone to argue with.

No matter what community we're a part of or what languages we speak, we're all here to have fun. Please remember to be kind to each other. We have more in common than we have in conflict.

[romchat]

The On1y One visual analysis (Ep. 5): Seeking an opening

Something I really enjoy about The On1y One's visual storytelling is how it uses framing to represent the tentative way Jiang Tian and Sheng Wang embed themselves into each other's lives. Through their interactions, we see Tian learning to let people in while Wang gives himself permission to trust those around him, and that fraught journey towards connection is beautifully captured by the show's cinematography choices.

From the first episode, we see the show using architectural framing to represent Tian’s aloofness, whether it’s the walls of his old neighborhood that tuck him away from his classmates or the closet that hides his always packed suitcase. So I find it really interesting how the architectural framing of his homeroom’s classroom window serves a completely different purpose: to showcase Tian’s ability to fight against his instincts for pushing people away and gradually open up to Wang.

As noted by @heretherebedork, that open window changes the (physical and emotional) wall between them. Ever since he acknowledged their relationship in Episode 3 through this window, it's here that Tian continues to signal the changing boundaries of their relationship.

Each episode he slowly transforms from a silent observer removed from the world around him to someone extending the care Wang so desperately craves, and the window, as a frame within a frame, directs our attention to the significance of these moments. Tian not only offers Wang physical relief but also emotional relief--he sees Wang despite the latter having experienced a lifetime of being ignored, and this all happens through the window.

Moreover, the camera language The On1y One uses to frame Wang's response reveals how heady that recognition feels.

One of my favorite examples of this is when Wang confronts Tian about helping capture the thugs who had attacked him. Tian denies having been involved but Wang refuses to believe him, playfully pushing him against the wall as he lists all the evidence to the contrary.

What makes this sequence of shots so compelling is how the framing changes as the two characters become more aware of the significance of Tian's actions.

The sequence is just a series of single shots (meaning each shot only features one person), but we can feel the tension between Wang and Tian because of the shift in balance and shot size. The shots start off-balanced and dirty, the characters' faces off to the edge of the frame and obscured by the other, but soon the framing closes in on their eyes gazing directly at each other. The extreme close-up is strangely honest and intimate, evoking a sense of wonder and nerves.

Being confined to such a tight frame proves to be too much for Tian, however, and the camera responds accordingly by shifting to a medium shot, as if to give him a breather. But from Wang's small smile, you can tell he feels pleasure at the idea of someone caring enough to protect him, and the camera language for the rest of the scene uses several techniques to visualize the emotional connection he allows himself to indulge in.

(See the lovely rack focus during Tian's "I was just thinking you must have been very scared" speech". Rather than editing together separate shots of Tian and Wang, the camera keeps both characters in frame and smoothly changes the focus between the two, visually linking them together. Their vulnerable conversation has fostered an irreversible shift in their relationship.)

So it's notable that when Tian tells Wang he is thinking of leaving Wang home to stay in the school dormitories, we get this absolutely devastating shot from outside their window, the closed frame now creating a stark line separating the two:

Tian: Why do you want to stay at the school? Wang: ...I wasn't familiar with you. Tian: How about now? Do you still want to stay at school? Wang: No, now that I'm more familiar with you, right? And you? Do you still want to stay at school? Tian: I think I will in the future.

Wang interprets Tian's decision as a rejection of him, and the shot is cold and isolating to reflect that. Their last few interactions were one step forward and two steps back.

What smart visual storytelling.

[hijinks-n-lowjinks]

Because of the jjk exhibition and new interview questions with Gege there's been a lot of discourse, specifically about how things ended with Nobara and Gojo.

From what the exhibition attendees can best recall (as recordings inside were banned), Gege stated that he doesn't really want to kill off a character if he knows it won't emotionally affect the readers and a bunch of people are reacting poorly to it. But honestly, I don't really disagree with him. The purpose of deaths in most media to pull an emotional reaction from the consumers! You want your readers to feel emotionally tied and affected by that loss! If you kill a character just to kill someone, that's when it's purposeless and pointless.

I think some people are taking this way too literally and interpreting it as "gege kills for shock value" which does NOT equate to what he was saying, in my opinion. Every death has some impact on the characters, the plot, or the underlying meaning of the narrative.

Nanami's death is the most understandable of all of these. As a mentor figure, he was already at risk just because of tropes of the genre and storytelling in general. His death provided motivation for Yuuji and gave us a strong feeling of loss and a desperation to see Mahito brought to justice. He was also a full grown adult so his death was less of a shocking tragedy and more of a painful loss. I don't think there's many people who who debate this.

Now let's get to Nobara. I might be in the minority here, but I believe her death did mean something! Jjk has always discussed themes of throwing kids into situations they aren't fully equipped for and how their youth and lives have been taken away from them out of a sense of duty. Nobara's death is exactly meant to lean into this. She didn't have to die and she shouldn't have died. She was young and made a grave mistake when she shouldn't have gone out by herself! Nanami told her to stay behind because he knew she would be at a heavy risk of injury or death, but because of the culture around her Nobara went anyway. She wanted to help and wanted to be useful. There's a sort of toxic glory in jujutsu society where the strong are held up and revered while also being used recklessly. Nobara shouldn't have died, the same way Haibara and Riko shouldn't have died, but they did. That's the tragedy of it, and jjk is a tragedy and always has been. It was meant to evoke anger and pain, a desire to ensure that something like this doesn't happen again.

Gojo's death is the most complicated. It's the most convoluted and shocking, but I can see what gege was trying to do with it. Gojo is the strongest, but he worked alone and was used to working alone. No one can keep up with him and would just get in his way, so he was somewhat forced to fight Sukuna alone. I believe that the intention behind his loss was to show that even the most powerful can fall, especially when they have no one else they can rely on. The students all have each other. They are meant to be the change to the culture around them, working together to defeat Sukuna and bring about change. We even see this when Yuuta in Gojo's body relies on Inumaki! He's in the body of the strongest, but he wasn't going in alone. That's the difference.

Jjk has shown over and over again the tragedy of the world and hasn't shied away from the reality of loss, grief, and how unfair the world can be. That's the point of all of these horrible things, to show that unfairness. But I don't believe it will end that way! What's the point in showing how sad and nihilistic things are if it doesn't also show hope? I'm certain jjk will have a hopeful, victorious ending but those things come at a cost. That's what I believe gege's intention is.

[creekfiend]

I think that philosophy is basically a modified play impulse. being capable of imagining scenarios and roughly model outcomes is a very important thing for humans developmentally, as it helps us practice things and make choices and integrate information

play is what allows us to practice this as children

but I see very little difference between that and a lot of philosophy or like, conceptual art and other art that's focused on Experiences and Asking Questions (many people do not understand that conceptual art is basically Play/Philosophizing/Modeling Scenarios practice) (for example: what emotions would it evoke in someone if they went to a museum exhibit and it was a huge room filled entirely with a hyperrealistic tunnel network built entirely out of duct tape ? what might the experience of moving one's body through that space be like? THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!)

this is why I actually love fine arts/conceptual art/"modern"/"postmodern"/whatever the people who broadly dislike it call it

you can argue that an artist executed their idea or their method of communicating it poorly ! you can discuss what makes an exhibit/thesis interesting as an experience. it's not just pointless nothing. there is skill and opinion involved and a way of interacting with objects places and events that you can LEARN. that's so cool to me. I fucking love conceptual art. I love everything where human beings go, "what would THIS be like?"

[animefeminist]

Not Just Roses and Sparkles: Unpacking assumptions about shoujo through Hagio Moto's work

Content warning: mentions of sexual assault and childhood sexual assault in the material of some comics discussed

Minor spoilers for The Poe Clan, Marginal, A Cruel God Reigns, and The Heart of Thomas

Like a lot of people, before I ever read a shoujo manga, I used to think of shoujo as “romance comics.” For me, the word would evoke a mental image of an unserious, weepy soap opera about girls with curly hair and very shiny eyes, with a lot of sparkles and stylized roses around the panel borders. In other words, not for me—a butch, working through a lot of internalized misogyny about not liking “fluffy romance stories for girls.” I assumed that all shoujo manga was melodramatic and over the top, and that I, a “serious comics reader,” wouldn’t enjoy it very much. 

Several years ago, though, I stumbled into reading some of the work of the Year 24 group—a group of female artists who were incredibly influential on the evolution of shoujo manga in the 1970s—and fell in love, not just with their series but with shoujo manga itself. I discovered that shoujo was so much more than I had first assumed: not a genre, but a demographic category (manga aimed primarily at a young, female audience) and a style—and a set of tools and conventions for telling stories. Shoujo manga is all about focusing on melodramatic emotion, and using expressionistic linework to depict a character’s internal emotions as images on the page, and what I thought of as just that “sparkles and roses” style was used even from the demographic’s earliest days to tell stories to all kinds of emotional effects. Manga artist Hagio Moto’s work in particular opened my eyes to how versatile the iconic shoujo style can be as a storytelling tool—not just for romance, but for horror, mystery, and mind-expanding science fiction. Her classic work is emblematic of the exciting range of stories under the shoujo umbrella, and how the visual and narrative hallmarks of shoujo itself can be applied to great effect in many different genres. And if you’re like me, and think you won’t like shoujo manga because you’re not a “romance person,” I think checking out her work might be worth a try.

Read it at Anime Feminist!

[wttcsms]

"i (Nanami Kento) bet on losing dogs" x the losing dog (reader)

no other sadness in the world would do, kento nanami ;

pairing kento nanami x f!reader word count 1.5k synopsis a quiet and intimate examination of modern day suffering content contains implied abusive spouse (for reader), implied unrequited love (nanami has feelings for reader)

There is nothing in this world that Kento Nanami despises more than baseless loyalty. 

What a pathetic trait, he would think to himself. How could someone just blindly follow someone, constantly chasing after their shadow, only to be mistreated time and time again? It’s disgusting. Shameless. Weak.

He feels disgusting, shameless, weak. 

Powerless, too. That’s a new one. That’s how things usually go when it’s just the two of you; you start evoking all sorts of new emotions, like he’s a video game character and you’re helping him unlock upgrades to his character. It’s a bit disarming, really. Kento much prefers to remain as impassive as possible while in the office because unnecessarily giving up any pieces of himself to this skyscraper shithole feels like he’s letting his stupidly rich clients win. 

Kento likes routine, which is why he settles into one quickly and refuses to make adjustments unless absolutely necessary.

Login, watch the markets, log off. Nothing more, nothing less. 

And then you became his new desk partner, and his perfect, meticulous cycle is thrown off course.

Being observant does more harm than good. He notices the shiny ring on your finger and draws an invisible, never-to-be-passed boundary. He already has made up his mind on not engaging with any of his coworkers, female or male, married or otherwise, but with you, he makes the mental effort to visualize the line, the flashing red warning signs, the whole nine-yards. This is the first sign that you are going to fuck up his life. Already, you’re embedded in his insides, owning real estate in his subconscious long before he can even realize it.

At first, you don’t talk to him much; you don’t talk to most of the men working here, and Kento can’t fault you for that. Most of them are assholes, and all of them don’t have any morals. If this wasn’t the case, they wouldn’t be working here, after all.

Eventually, you start to withdraw, and Kento becomes the person you’re most comfortable with talking to. What you see is what you get with him. Kento refuses to be one of those people who are a waste of perfectly good oxygen, and he doesn’t speak unless it’s absolutely necessary. You’re in an industry where men purposely like to talk over women, just because they can get away with it. With Kento, you are given free rein of the conversation. It’s kismet, you and him.

He gets used to your constant conversation, never seeming to be put off by the fact that he doesn’t offer up his opinion unless explicitly asked. Kento normally doesn’t like it when people talk to him when he’s trying to get work done, but your voice is pleasant, your topics always interesting (“do you think there are different levels in Hell, or is a one-victim murderer being prodded by pitchforks right next to Hitler?”), and he finds that listening to you speak relaxes him somewhat. He doesn’t go home with a tightness in his shoulders and a persistent, throbbing ache in his head that aspirin can’t seem to fix. 

The first time Kento initiates conversation is when he sees you wearing a blazer during the sweltering heat of one of Japan’s most unforgiving summers. 

“A bit warm for all that,” he says, trying to adjust his tone and make it sound like a joke. Even if it did sound like a joke, he knows that your reaction would remain the same.

“Oh,” you give a nervous, insincere laugh, reflexively tugging on the sleeves even though your arms are still very much covered. “I get cold easily.”

That’s a lie. Kento knows because he knows you well enough to tell that you are the most genuine person he has ever interacted with. He doesn’t know how you ended up with this job when you’re much better suited for a career that actually helps people. He thinks back to when the office’s air conditioning went haywire and blasted the office with near-freezing temperatures. You had remained in your short-sleeved blouse, saying that you love the cold.

He doesn’t call you out on it, though. He just makes a noise from the back of his throat and turns back to his monitor. 

He can only pretend to ignore your erratic behavior for so long. You keep yourself covered to the point where you make a nun seem indecent. You withdraw from him, not initiating conversation unless Kento brings something up (he’s never been good at making small talk, and so more often than not, the conversation fizzles out quickly and awkwardly). And then you come to work with a black eye, and Kento refuses to let you suffer in silence any longer.

You break down and cry, feeling pathetic, feeling lost. You beg him not to say anything to anybody, that this is just a rough patch, that this’ll pass, and everything will be okay. Amidst your sobs, Kento finds himself wondering who you’re trying to convince right now. 

He holds you on the comedown. 

Now, there’s a new cycle. Things don’t get better for you; it doesn’t take a fucking genius to figure that one out. If a man lays his hands on you once, he’ll do it again. And again. And again. 

To take a life is a serious thing, but sometimes, there are worse ways to kill someone without ever murdering them. Your husband is killing you right now, a slow, soul-sucking type of death, and Kento would like to kill him. Some people are more curse than human. 

What did your husband do, Kento wonders, to make you fall in love with him? What can your husband do to make you finally wake up and realize that he is entirely undeserving of your love? 

Kento Nanami does not belong to any religion, does not attend church, does not even bother questioning the possibilities of a potential afterlife because his current life is already a bust as is. But after every late night he spends comforting and consoling you, holding you while you wet his button-down with your tears, he goes home and prays that you get the strength to fucking leave him. Pack your bags and get the hell out of Tokyo. Even if it means he’ll never see you again, the only person who makes this insufferable existence somewhat bearable. 

But the cycle doesn’t seem to ever break. He’s watching you fade away, and he decides that all the faith systems are fucked up for ignoring his pleas. 

“You should leave him.” He tells you, handing you a tissue. It’s technically a waste of breath; he tells you this shit all the time, and you never take his advice, but he says it anyway. Foolishly hoping that this time will be the time where you decide to listen to him. 

(And besides, he finds that anything he says to you could never be a waste.)

“But I love him.” You give him that same sad, watery smile, and Kento wants to pity you, but you wouldn’t accept it. Outwardly, he treats you the same as he used to, before he knew all that stuff that happens to you behind closed doors, because he knows what it’s like to be treated like you’re incapable of processing anything but kindness. The sweet, sugary kind of kindness, too — none of that blunt, pragmatic stuff. Kismet, he snorts. How fortunate that the kindness you need — re: blunt, pragmatic — is the only type he’s capable of giving to you.

Being treated like you’re surrounded by broken glass and everyone around you is trying desperately to avoid it makes people feel even worse. When Yu died, everyone acted like not being overly nice to Kento would somehow make him snap and go off the deep-end. The fact of the matter is, none of these people have ever been so overly cautious around him, and it actually made the pain of losing Yu somehow more unbearable. 

There are lots of replies that rest on the tip of his tongue. 

But does he love you? 

Why? 

Have some self respect, holy shit.

Your love is killing you from the inside out.

I could love you.

He tosses away your snotty tissues into the trash can, somehow not disgusted by you even though you think he should be. His grocery list now includes painkillers, band-aids, and bruise ointment. He thinks prayers are a waste of time, and before bed, he takes a shot in the dark and hopes some benevolent god is rooting for you like he is. There is nothing in the world that Kento Nanami despises more than baseless loyalty.

“I know.” And he leaves it at that.

[tumblingxelian]

Chloe & Heroism

Chloe Bourgeois as a hero early on is a premise that often evokes either questions, like "How" and "Why". Or expectations that she is either already on a path to self improvement, or will be forced onto within a short timeframe.

These are not bad questions and the former definitely are necessary to consider for a story. However the expectations I tend to feel a bit murkier and while I have no issue with how some authors handle this topic.

I want to outline why I think you could do a good "Hero Chloe" story before she gets character development, but first, house cleaning!

1: I have not watched and largely ignore everything post season 3, so don't bother bringing up Derision. Remember, season 1 Kim was afraid of spiders.

2: In canon. Chloe only revealed her ID publicly because her abusive mother she is obsessed with pleasing (who killed her the day before) chose a girl other than her to take to New York & then tore her to shreds in front of everyone. 

With all that in mind let's examine where Chloe's values and understanding of the world comes from and how she perceives them! 

1 - Media/Social Media 

This would be a mixed bag, because on one hand they have Mighty Majesta comics that try to instill good values, but also shows built around lying to and humiliating people are evidently popular television and the internet seems similar in regards to pranking VS trying not to be terrible. So she's gonna get mixed signals at best. 

2 - Her family & Circle 

This is where 90% of the problems come from. Of the important adults in her life, her father, mother, Gabriel and Nathalie are all varying shades of corrupt, abusive, cruel and ruthless, while the lesser evils like Jean and Emilie are largely consigned to the role of enablers. 

Worse still, even if we ignore the emotional abuse, neglect and other elements that led to her both having trauma and her trauma response manifesting in aggression. We still have issues like Andre, during the brief periods he bothered to parent, explicitly teaching Chloe that, Stealing, extortion and threats are all appropriate ways to succeed in life.

IE, she isn't compromising her morality when she does these things, she is very much doing what she is taught was right at least consciously. This isn't helped by a 24/7 Audrey impression as Audrey deems being in her vicinity as reason enough to hurt people unless she deems them useful. 

Long story short, the values and people she was brought up around are all explicitly some shade of bad, or enabler, or outright teaching her to harm others. 

3 - Societies & Class 

However, we know from season 2 that Chloe is not entirely unaware that there are issues with this. Because while she spends much time boasting of how she's beloved and brilliant, when stripped of that and exposed to someone she trusts she is entirely willing to confess that she knows everyone hates her and that she feels she has no worth. She may not be able to articulate why or how this came about but she knows something is wrong. 

Despite this, school is not the best place to figure this out, especially for someone who obviously struggles with social cues and the like. The teachers run the gamut from indifferent and unpleasant, to extremely gentle and accommodating, to simply not wanting any form of drama and usually caving to whoever makes the most noise and none of them have the authority to do much outside of class hours. 

The class is not significantly better, because students like Kim and Alix can and do casually throw around snark or do pranks and at worst only get brief bursts of anger while Chloe's garner a more intense response. This is because her relationship with the class and motives are varying shades of different, but for someone with issues reading social cues, it's just going to seem like a confusing double standard. 

We can also see all this demonstrated in her relationship with Adrien, as Chloe clearly takes the lead in their relationship in Origins and outlines her logic behind the pranks, but is then surprised when Adrien seems to turn against her. What's more, it seems Chloe is aware that Adrien is more gentle/naive than her given she tried to educate him on these matters & turns to him for comfort and protection at times, while seeing no inherent contradiction between her expectations for their relationship and how she treats others.

Adrien does not help matters with seeming indifference to how she treats staff. 

Thus, while she knows 'something' is terribly wrong, actually being able to understand it and work through it is another matter. 

4 - Chloe's Conclusion 

So, what is the conclusion Chloe comes to in order to square all of these circles when she isn't just in full denial mode? The answer is quite simple and even demonstrated in the show itself, playing one's role. 

IE, Chloe the mayor and style queen's daughter is different to Chloe the hotel owner's daughter and we see this in her being able to stamp down on her usual instincts and slap on a customer service role when Jagged Stone enters the hotel and guide her father into doing the same. VS how she conducts herself during a class election, IE explicitly threatening and extorting people, to how she conducts herself day by day with her Audrey impersonation. 

A separate example and way she'd view this for others would be that Marinette the baker's daughter of course has to be nice and sweet and giving because that is how customer service roles work, while Marinette the aspiring fashion designer or would be class president is sneakier and will lay traps so people trying to steal from her are sabotaged. This isn't wrong, this is how she expects people to behave when in these circumstances and roles. 

Final Conclusion 

Which is why Chloe could easily play the role of a successful hero, because she would not be "Chloe Bourgeois, mayor's daughter, hotel heiress and Style Queen's daughter" as Queen Bee, she would just be Queen Bee, a superhero.

They have wonderfully defined roles that would be easy for her to pick up & follow through on: assure the public, save people from danger, protect allies, defeat monsters, all things Chloe was shown doing very well when chosen as a Miraculous Holder. 

I think that eventually the contrast in how she is received as Queen Bee VS Chloe Bourgeois would start grinding on each other and bleeding through both sides of the mask. 

But the infectious nature of empathy and a larger support network that don't have the worst impression of her would give Chloe the room she needs to explore and grow.

If she is too snippy as a hero, or shows a ruthless side, these won't be taken in the context of "Chloe that person I dislike" but "Queen Bee my ally" and can allow for more honest and even handed reactions that give her the necessary breathing room to grow and change. 

So yeah, I think season 1 Chloe could have, under the right circumstances, done a great job as a hero be it Queen Bee or another hero even before any outside circumstances or internal changes might have forced her to chart a new course in life.

Provided the role of Chloe and the role of hero do not intersect and become one almost immediately, because in that case it gets a lot harder for her. 

[elysiansparadise]

Synastry Observations VIII

💚The core issue with the square between Moons is the different emotional needs. You both may need different things to feel satisfied or comfortable. This aspect can be approached with good communication in which you talk about what you need without fear of "asking for too much". Not by reproaching or asking the other to change, but rather telling them how you feel more emotionally validated and, in return, listening to what they have to say about their own needs. A person who loves you will make an attempt for this communication to exist and will make these attempts to make you feel both loved and understood. 

💚When your Mars falls in a person's 8th house, this person will find you very attractive and sensual. You will give this person the impression that you are someone very sexual, with a lot of experience or simply a person with whom they could connect very well sexually. A mutual attraction happens and there can be a lot of desire for the other, that kind of desire that you don't understand why it is but it pushes you like a magnet.

💚When someone's Pluto is conjunct your Sun or Rising, this person can play a lot of role in your transformations, from helping you see things completely differently, to seeing yourself in ways you didn't see yourself before, or simply helping you to change many aspects of your life. It is very likely that this person came into your life when you were in the midst of big, important changes.

💚When someone's stellium falls in your 7th house, it creates a strong sense of companionship, regardless of the nature of the relationship. You will like spending time with this person, you will feel comfortable and you will feel that you can really count on them. There is a strong bond between them and they will enjoy spending time together doing anything from activities to simply being by each other's side. They will influence each other's love life, whether by being each other's partner or by advising and supporting the other's love life. They will understand very well what the other needs in love, especially you.

💚When someone's Moon falls in your 9th house beyond the joy it can easily evoke in you, that person is likely to naturally make you see beyond yourself. They are people with whom you will have many epiphanies and you will go much deeper with their presence. Even if you are not a very introspective person, subconsciously these people can make you look deep inside yourself, especially with emotional issues.

💚A situation I commonly observe is that when someone's Venus falls in another person's 12th house, the house person often feels or thinks that Venus person would not correspond to them. And, at the same time, the Venus person feels that the other person is too much for them or that they would not reciprocate their feelings. With this overlay it is likely that both will admire each other from a distance and at first it will be difficult to get closer due to fear of rejection. 

💚When there is a trine between Moon-Venus, both enjoy each other's company, they feel comfortable bringing out their most vulnerable and romantic side.  Between you there are sincere feelings of sympathy and mutual admiration. They understand very well the emotional needs of each person as well as the relationship. There is a lot of support, patience and willingness to understand each other on a deeper level.

💚Aspects between Saturn-Rising activates this need to make the other person proud. The positive side of this aspect is that they push each other to grow and improve, since they see in the other someone who not only motivates them but guides them regarding personal or professional growth. If the natives are not developed, they can constantly seek the approval and acceptance of the other.

💚When squares with Mars occur in a synastry, the way to deal with it is patience, whatever the context. For example, with Mars-Mercury patience is required to not jump to conclusions [something very common with this placement]. With Mars-Venus you will need that awareness and patience to know your partner's preferences and connect better in the relationship, both emotionally and physically.

💚When someone's Venus falls in your 6th house, you will feel a reliable love. They will be the kind of people to bring you little details just because they brought them to your attention. They will offer you a love that gradually grows, one that is constant but subtle at first. They will be the kind of people to remember the little details about you and love your little habits or quirks.

💚When your Moon falls in someone's 2nd house there will be a strong sense of trust in both of you. You in particular may feel that you can completely trust the other, both because of their confidentiality and because of the certainty that they want to see you well. A lot of support, affection and stability between both of them will be constant when it comes to showing affection. A comfort in showing yourself as you are and even those sides that not everyone sees. In turn, they will feel that you are someone reliable who takes seriously the feelings of both of you in the relationship.

💚When the Jupiter-Moon conjunction occurs, it will not show a dynamic of strong camaraderie and joviality, but also genuine affection and appreciation. The Jupiter person will feel very comfortable, happy and more in touch with their emotional side next to the Moon person. While for the Moon person, tenderness will abound, since the other person will show their love and affection in an uninhibited way. Both will help each other to be more expressive and experience deeper and more positive emotions.Although Jupiter is not a planet that is associated with emotions or those more sentimental aspects of the relationship, this conjunction favors affection and greater tenderness & care in the relationship.

💚One of the aspects in which I have personally seen the greatest attraction is in those of Moon-Mars. From one aspect getting closer, to tense aspects, they create this need to have the other close. Both can be very touchy with the other, seeing themselves drawn to the other both at the beginning of the relationship and throughout it. Both natives have a deep desire for each other that not only encompasses physical or sexual levels, but also a desire to see them healthy and safe. They activate a protective instinct in each other and enjoy taking care of each other. 

💚When someone's stellium falls in your 9th house it is very likely that you have common interests. There will be differences between the two but they can be of great support for the other to see life with other tones or help each other to be more open to different interpretations. You will feel that boost of energy, that motivation to go after what you want and it can even help you be a little more positive when it comes to your future or when daring to take opportunities.

💚When a Mars-Sun conjunction occurs, it is very likely that the Mars person sees a lot of potential in the Sun person and wants to push and motivate them to stay active in what they perceive they are talented at. They will be fervently supportive throughout the process and may be frustrated to see Sun person doubting your abilities. They will be Sun person's drive to achieve everything they set their mind to.

💚This is something that I have seen a lot in those close to me, when your Mars falls in a person's 4th house, you feel that that person validates your anger, listens to you carefully when you talk about things that bother you and gives you that support and understanding. Likewise, I have seen that they even tend to feel calmer or that their anger decreases in the presence of the house person.

💚When a trine or sextile occurs between the Moon and Chiron, we see a relationship in which both people feel emotionally seen and accepted. Healing occurs naturally and fluidly, without the need for excessive effort, in addition to this, both will feel deeply supported by the other regardless of the situation or problem in question. The relationship is very special and transformative when it comes to their emotional world.

<- Go back to the masterlist

[denimbex1986]

We are lucky to be alive in the age of Andrew Scott, an actor of extraordinary breadth, skill and sensitivity, who can terrify as Jim Moriarty in Sherlock, make us fall in love (inappropriately) as the hot priest in Fleabag and cry in All of Us Strangers. He can also astonish, last year playing eight parts in a stage adaptation of Chekhov’s Uncle Vanya. He recently became the first actor to win the UK Critics’ Circle awards for best actor on stage and screen in the same year. And his latest project, Ripley, is a beautiful and chilling adaptation of the Patricia Highsmith novel The Talented Mr Ripley, with Scott playing the lead, dominating all eight one-hour episodes. It’s been a wild, crowning year for the 47-year-old Irish actor. But in March his mother, Nora, died of a sudden illness; she is who Scott has credited as being his foremost creative inspiration. His grief is fresh and intense and for the first half of the interview it seems to swim just beneath the surface of our conversation.

“We go through so many different types of emotional weather all the time,” he says. “And even on the saddest day of your life you might be hungry or have a laugh. Life just continues.” We are in a meeting room in his management company’s offices, talking about his ability, in his work, to modulate between emotions, to go from happy to sad, confused to scared, all within a matter of seconds. How does he do it? Scott laughs. “I would say that I have quite a scrutable face — is scrutable a word? — which is good or bad depending on what you are trying to achieve. But my job is to be as truthful as possible in the way that we are, and I don’t think that human beings are just one thing at any particular time. It is rare that we have one pure emotion.”

It’s an approach that is particularly appropriate for the playing of Tom Ripley, an acquisitive chameleon who inveigles his way into the lives of others (in this case Johnny Flynn, as the careless and wealthy Dickie Greenleaf, and his on-off girlfriend Marge, played by Dakota Fanning). “Ripley is witty, he is very talented. That’s gripping, to watch talent. I can’t call him evil — it is very easy to call people who do terrible things evil monsters, but they are not monsters, they are humans who do terrible things. Part of what she [Highsmith] is talking about is that if you dismiss a certain faction of society it has repercussions, and Ripley is someone who is completely unseen, he lives literally among the rats, and then there are these people who are gorgeous and not particularly talented and have the world at their feet but are not able to see the beauty that he can see.”

The show was written and directed by Steven Zaillian, the screenwriter of Schindler’s List. It’s set in Sixties New York and Italy, and filmed entirely in black-and-white, its chiaroscuro aesthetic evoking films of the Sixties — particularly those of Federico Fellini — while also offering an alternative to Anthony Minghella’s saturated late-Nineties iteration that starred Matt Damon and Jude Law. This has a darker flavour. “I found it challenging,” Scott says, “in the sense that he’s a solitary figure and ideologically we are very different. So you have to remove your judgment and try to find something that is vulnerable.”

It was a tough shoot, taking a year and filmed during lockdown. Scott was exhausted at the end of it and had intended to take a three-month break, but delays meant that he went straight from Ripley into All of Us Strangers. “Even though I was genuinely exhausted, it was energising because I was back in London, I was getting the Tube to work, there was sunshine,” he says. “I found it incredibly heartful, that film, there were so many different versions of love … I feel that all stories are love stories.”

All of Us Strangers, directed by Andrew Haigh, is about a screenwriter examining memories of his parents who died when he was 12. In it Scott’s character, Adam, returns to his family home, where his parents are still alive and as they were back in the Eighties. Adam is able to walk into the memory and to come out to his parents, finding the words that were unavailable to him as a boy. Some of it was filmed in Haigh’s childhood home, and there was a strong biographical element for him and his lead. Homosexuality was illegal in the Republic of Ireland until 1993, when Scott was 16. He did not come out to his parents until he was in his early twenties. I ask if he was working with his own childhood experiences in the film. “Of course, so in a sense it was painful, to a degree, but it was cathartic because you are doing it with people that you absolutely love and trust. I felt that it was going to be of use to people and I was right, it has been. The reaction to the movie has been genuinely extraordinary — it makes people feel and see things, and that isn’t an easy thing to achieve.”

The film is also a tender and erotic love story between Scott’s character and Harry, played by the Irish actor Paul Mescal. The two found a real-life kinship that made them a delight to watch on screen and off it, as a double act on the awards circuit. “I adore Paul, he’s so, so … continues to be …” Scott pauses. “Obviously it’s been a tough time recently and he just continues to be a wonderful friend. It’s everything. The more I work in the industry, I realise, you make some stuff that people love and you make some stuff that people don’t like, and all really that you are left with is the relationships that you make. I love him dearly.”

Scott and Mescal were also both notable on the red carpet for being extraordinarily well dressed. Scott loves fashion and has a big, well-organised wardrobe that he admits is in need of a cull. “I don’t like having too much stuff. I really believe that everything we have is borrowed — our stuff, our houses, we are borrowing it for a time. So I am trying to think of people who are the same size as me so I can give some of it away, and that’s a great thing to be able to do.” One of his favourite labels is Simone Rocha. “I love a bit of Simone Rocha. What a kind, glorious person she is. I just went to her show.” Fashion, he says, is in his DNA. “My mother was an art teacher, she was obsessed with all sorts of design. She loved jewellery and jewellery design. Anything that is visual, tactile, painting, drawing, is a big passion of mine, so I have tremendous respect for the creativity of designers.”

Today Scott is wearing Louis Vuitton trousers and a cropped Prada jacket, dressed up because he is collecting his Critics’ Circle award for best stage actor for Vanya. I ask how it feels to have won the double, a historic achievement. “Ah …” he says, looking at the table, going silent, having just been so voluble. “I’m sorry …” His voice cracks a little. “It’s bittersweet.”

At the ceremony Scott dedicated the award to his mother, saying of her “she was the source of practically every joyful thing in my life”. Is it difficult for him to carry on working in the circumstances, I wonder. “Well, you know, you have to — life goes on, you manage it day by day. It’s very recent, but I certainly can say that so much of it is surprising and unique, and there is so much that I will be able to speak about at some point.”

He is looking forward, he says, once promotion for Ripley is over, to taking some time off, going on holiday, going back to Ireland for a bit. He has homes in London and Dublin. To relax he walks his dog, a Boston terrier, dressed down in jeans and a hoodie “like a 12-year-old, skulking around the city” or goes to art galleries on the South Bank — he was considering a career as an artist until he was 17 and got a part in the Irish film Korea. He goes to the gym every day, “not, you know, to get …” he says, flexing his biceps. “More that it’s good for the head.” He is social, likes friends, likes a party. When I ask if he gave up drinking while doing Vanya, which required him to be on stage, alone, every night for almost two hours, he looks horrified. “Oh God, no! Easy tiger! Jesus … Although I didn’t drink much, I did have to look after myself. But we had a room downstairs in the theatre, a little buzzy bar, because otherwise I wouldn’t see anybody, so I was delighted to have people come down.”

Scott was formerly in a relationship with the screenwriter and playwright Stephen Beresford and is currently single, although this is not the sort of thing he likes to talk about. He is protective of his privacy, not wanting to reveal where he lives in London, or indeed the name of his dog — but he swerves such questions with a gentle good humour.

He is famous on set for being friendly and welcoming, for looking after other people. “The product is very important, but most of my time is spent in the process, so I want that to be as pleasant and kind as possible. I feel like it is possible to do that, that it is an honourable goal.” He is comfortable around people, with an easy charm — no one I have interviewed before has said my name so many times. And although when we talk he sometimes seems reflective or so very sad, there are also moments when he is exuberant, silly, putting on accents. “I feel like, as a person, I am quite near my emotions. I cry easily and I laugh easily, and there is nothing more pleasurable to me than laughing.”

Scott was raised a Catholic and is no longer practising, but says his view about religion is “ever changing — I definitely have a faith in things that cannot be proved”. When he was younger and felt overwhelmed, just before or after an audition, he would go to the Quaker Meeting House in central London and sit in silence, something that made its way into the second series of Fleabag, in which Scott’s priest takes Waller-Bridge’s character to that same meeting house. “It’s just around here,” he says, standing up, looking out of the window at Charing Cross Road. “When Phoebe and I first talked, we met at the Soho Theatre. We talked about love and religion, we walked all around here. And I said, ‘This is a place I go,’ so we called in and there was no one there, so we sat in there and we talked. It was a really magical day.”

Scott says he sees all the different characters that he has played as versions of himself. “It’s like, ‘What would this version of me look like?’ rather than, ‘Oh, I’m going to be somebody else.’ You filter it through you, and you discover more about yourself. I think that is a very lucky thing to be able to do, to find out more about yourself in the short time that we are here.”

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

the amount of times i Do This must be a joke at this point but here i am. doing it once more. izaya's highschool videogame SCREAMS "i just found out i have aspd and i am NOT taking it well." and i shall explain how

a preface: wrt "how did he know in high school, don't you have to be 18?" you do.... with the dsm guidelines. japan, iirc, uses a conbination of the dsm and icd to diagnose mental illnesses, and the age stipulation isn't in the icd. also, shinra could have told him, and lbr shinra wouldnt care about strictly adhering to the age thing

anyway i went thru and highlighted different parts of the videogame's text, so i can easier explain which part means what. i'll primarily be focusing on the chronic boredom associated with aspd- since izaya's game deals with patience, most musings in it will be related to that boredom. but the boredom, especially izaya's, IS important, as its the boredom that drives him to do what he does. to be what he is.

(shoutout to miyukiwinter for the scan)

so... the red bit. this relates to izaya's worldview of the need to keep evolving to escape the mundane, and it not mattering if you aim high or low. now at this point, izaya was solidly in some shady shit and clearly on the path of the low aim. but the thing is, about aspd... the boredom is all consuming. you'll do ANYTHING to not be bored. i've seen people say they developed substance abuse problems to escape the boredom, and i confess... i've done it too. it truly is THAT bad

i say all this because... izaya will never be able to stop going lower, and lower, and lower. he's fated to fall forever. maybe he wouldve been able to brush his behavior off as teenage craziness, but with a diagnosis like aspd it becomes increadingly obvious that there is no "oh, i'll mellow out once i reach my 20s." it's not going to happen, at least, not without great effort. and lets be real, nobody has any faith in aspd's recovery rates, less so in the early 2010s, so izaya upon diagnosis would see NO FUTURE for himself. no escape from the cycle. he's trapped.

the blue bits are a bit more vauge, but the undertainty turning to loss evokes the next stage after the initial shock of diagnosis: grief. and make no mistake, there IS a grieving process with mental health diagnoses. you go from being shocked and scared, to being depressed and numb.

but there's... another layer to this, with aspd. you see it with cluster b disorders in general, but aspd is HUGE in the pop culture zeitgeist

the layer is, the idea that People Like That don't feel emotions. that any emotional display is false and an explicit ploy to mainpulate someone

and when this inevitably ends up untrue, you might start to feel... odd... about feeling those emotions people say you can't feel. and one of the biggest emotions aspd gets that with, is fear and by extension, anxiety.

some aspd people genuinely do feel reduced fear! but it's far from being a diagnostic criteria, and aspd can actually be comorbid with anxiety disorders. but scientific facts and wider culture rarely match up, so the idea persists

so izaya might have started to think.... was he ever truly anxious? or worried? was he really more rotten than people thought; was he just mainpulating people the whole time? does he really not feel anxiety? was his nervousness over things like shinra leaving him or hell, this diagnosis, rendered null and void?

and then we reach the teal portion.... despair

(just a sidenote, tumblr has no teal color option so it'll just be blue)

in this sense, "the hole" refers to the endless downward spiral, and his diagnosis- but not just having it. no, "the hole" most likely refers to the moment izaya developed it in the first place.

who are you, if you thought you were in control your whole life, but you found out that the reason you do the things you do were because of foeces beyond your control? who are you now, having a label you know will cause everyone to see you as nothing but a stereotype?

why was he still alive, suffering like this? what point is it to be alive, controlled by something you can't fight, forced to make your life worse and worse and worse, until you die young?

so now what? who did this to him?

in the game, the hatred is towards "the player." and honestly this could have multiple different meanings when applied to izaya's own life

does he hate god? was he raised religious, his father being a christian, and was this what made him lose faith? what loving god would condemn someone to suffer like this?

does he hate his parents? after all, it was their genetics that passed this down, their upbringing that nurtured it, their neglect that made him the way he was. is it their fault?

or... does he hate himself, for being the way that he is? for having it in the first place, for not being able to overcome it, for having such a bad reaction to it?

for being too cowardly to kill himself?

which brings us to the final segment. awareness.

he says outright, the game is depicting the player's life. in the game itself, this ties into his mockery of players, but in a meta sense, it could be a hidden admission that it's depicting his life

especially the talk of meaningless games- fooling around with nakura creating small gangs, betting pools, and his eventual adult pastimes of messing with people. is his life enriched? no, it's merely occupied, and he knows it. he might have repressed it as an adult, but here, in high school, at this moment, he knows.

and if he can never truly alleviate his boredom, never truly be fufilled, then he can act like he's in control all he wants, but he's no better than a man falling in a hole.

[vivaislenska]

“Everything’s changing and you don’t even care!”

This was The Exact Moment™️ for me in the episode “The Crossing.” Thoughts below the cut 🙂

This was more the moment for me in The Crossing because it shows how even the kindest, most caring people can’t always understand without open communication. I think a lot of us have seen and felt this look. Talk and empathy are crucial.

Like our beloved Tech, a lot of us process thoughts differently. But it’s the impact of evoking pain, anger, frustration, confusion and disgust in those we love that’s one of the most challenging aspects of being ND. Omega’s expression says it all 😔.

For some, the worst part of being ND is when our way of processing inadvertently brings pain or misunderstanding to those we cherish. But sharing art and fics and encouraging inclusivity can be a way to find common ground in mutual emotions?

This doodle is a redraw, but it was a mindful process and I’m glad I tried it! Sorry to get sappy on you fam, but this one’s for those who love deeply, care unconditionally and are striving for their actions to be perceived accordingly 

[not-the-living-ghost]

Favorite episode from dbd?

My favorite episode is probably Episode 7. It's just such an emotional rollercoaster, from start to finish. There's the staircase scene, the Simon scene, the flashback to when Charles first met Edwin, and so, so much more.

The acting in this episode absolutely blew me away — specifically George Rexstrew's performance as Edwin — and the scriptwriting was absolutely phenomenal.

The cinematography was breathtaking and incredibly clever. I loved the way that they shot the different scenes in Hell, angling and twisting the camera to evoke whatever emotion was intended. There were so many different nuances and details that were added into this one episode — so much so that I'd probably have to make a post about about each one separately.

One scene in this episode that I think is thoroughly underappreciated is the scene with Simon and Edwin. This scene meant so much to me, as a queer person, especially as someone who's gone through a crap ton of internalized homophobia (although I can't say I've sacrificed any of my classmates to a demon over it). Seeing something like that portrayed in media in a way that was so real and raw was insanely meaningful to me.

I feel like this small subplot of the show perfectly represents how the show blends fantasy and reality. Dead Boy Detectives is a supernatural show with supernatural characters. The main characters are ghosts, their friend is a psychic, and they're constantly under the threat of an evil witch. However, the show tackles so many real life issues (issues such as homophobia, racism, and domestic violence), and they do it with a level of grace that perfectly balances fiction and reality. The Simon scene perfectly demonstrates this.

I also appreciated the way that the showriters went about dealing with Simon's internalized homophobia. Generally speaking, when people suggest that homophobes themselves are likely queer, they mean it as a joke, or an insult. "You're homophobic, so you must be gay," and they'll simply laugh at the disgusted reaction — which is, in it of itself, simply another provocation of homophobia. Dead Boy Detectives, however, went at this from a different angle. Because yes, homophobes themselves can be queer — internalized homophobia does not discriminate, ironically enough — but Dead Boy Detectives took this narrative and flipped it on its head. They took the common trope of the homophobe being secretly in the closet, and further delved into what that truly meant for everyone involved. They explored the destructive reality of internalized homophobia for someone like Simon without, at the same time, undermining the struggle and torment that Edwin was put through. And the fact that they did all of this in the span of just 10 minutes is absolutely mindboggling to me.

Episode 7 had a little bit of everything, and I loved it so so much <33

This post ended up being three paragraphs longer than I expected, and I went off on a bit of a tangent there, but this was fun to write 😭😭