#I thought I posted this but tumblr glitched

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi. I’m sending this anonymously but if tumblr glitches and it isn’t anonymous please don’t post this because I’m absolutely completely entirely mortified.

I’m 20 FtM. About a year and a half ago, when I moved out and started at college, I discovered fandom, and began to get really into reading fics on AO3. My parents had heavily restricted my internet access growing up, and as new adult I began to discovered the barrage of content online.

Soon enough, I was spending about an hour or two every night reading smut fics. I never thought anything of it, because, well, it’s just words, it’s not *actually* porn, right?

Recently I did start watching some explicit videos but tried to limit myself to only once or twice a month because the shame I felt as well as the strange dissatisfaction just wasn’t worth it.

After doing some research, I found a study that said that watching porn for more than an hour a week was unhealthy. I thought, yeah, okay, fair enough.

Then I realised: does my fanfiction reading count as pornography?

I kept thinking to myself that because it was text it didn’t count, but —does it? Is that the reason that lately I’ve been feeling strangely dissatisfied and empty after reading/watching? Will I feel like this when I eventually have sex?? (still a virgin, mainly for dysphoria reasons)

I found all this stuff online that says porn addictions can screw you over for life, that you can’t find sexual satisfaction with a partner.

Should I cut back?

I don’t normally masturbate while consuming porn. I feel too ashamed. I normally just sit there and read/watch.

Am I a porn addict?????? Should I quit reading smut? Help.

If you can’t tell, I wasn’t raised in a very sex positive environment and I feel very ashamed. I don’t really know who to talk to and I just feel very guilty so I’m resorting to an anonymous ask on Tumblr.

If you read this, thank you for taking the time. I appreciate it.

— Jason

hi Jason,

I don't think you're a porn addict. I think you're probably just an anxious 20 year old from a pretty restrictive background and now that you have a little more freedom you're kind of nervous about it, which is very normal.

I want to be super clear: written porn is porn. porn is any sexually explicit material designed to titillate; it's existed since WAY before the moving picture existed and it will exist long after the internet has crumbled to dust. people like porn! and it's okay to like porn. the text-based stuff is particularly high on the list of porn that's pretty unambiguously fine, morally-speaking, because you never have to worry that the performer you're watching has had their video stolen by pornhub or that, god forbid, anyone onscreen isn't a willing participant, but I want to be super clear that liking sexually explicit photos or videos of real people is also 100% fine.

obviously I have no idea what study you read, but I'd be cautious about any study being boiled down to such black and white, attention-grabbing headlines. you can interpret a study to mean virtually anything if you want to, and there are a lot of interest groups with a vested interest in demonizing porn. if reading smutty fan fic makes you happy and isn't interfering with the rest of your life, you should do that.

unfortunately it sounds like it's not making you happy lately, dissatisfied and empty feelings. in the kindest way possible, I don't think much of that is being caused by the porn itself. it sounds like it's coming from your gnawing worry that you're a porn addict. maybe it's best to take a little step away from porn and smutty fic for a while, if only until you feel able to engage with it without feeling bad.

also, speaking of porn addiction: that's a very dubious condition, and one that's not scientifically or medically recognized. to be certain, people can develop a reliance on porn that disrupts their daily function and can wreak havoc on their lives, but that's true of anything that causes your brain to spit out happy chemicals. anything that become a maladaptive coping mechanism, including and especially things that are fine and even necessary in small doses. sleeping, exercising, and going shopping are all things that can be life-ruining if done to harmful excess, but that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong if you like to sleep in, go for runs, or browse your favorite online stores every once in a while.

if reading smut isn't causing you to skip out on your more important obligations, fail to take care of yourself, or bringing on bankruptcy, I think you're probably alright. the biggest danger I see here is you beating yourself over the head with your own anxiety about this, which may be a sign that it's a good idea to take a step back for entirely different reasons than you were worried about.

[skizz-that-man]

Imp and Skizz talk about kissing each other

[magicshop]

You, who gave me their hand when I fell, now I'll hold it for you.

[midnightsslut]

i love how she goes from ‘looked up at the sky, and it was maroon’ to ‘nights are so starry, blood moonlit’ because she found an equally intense and passionate love that lit up her midnights instead of obfuscating them

[monarchamos]

considering dazai technically held a party for chuuya leaving the sheep, imagine dazai holding parties for chuuya for like every major accomplishment.

dazai osamu, the demon prodigy who scares the shit out of people and has like. some of the worst vibes in the port mafia. yes hes charismatic but you wouldnt expect him to be the type to host parties, much less parties for his partner.

yet he does. Chuuya joining the Port Mafia? Party, despite him having a similar party the other fucking day. Chuuya gaining authority over the illegal gem trade? Party. Chuuya surviving his first solo mission? Party. After the King of Assassins Incident? Party. The end of the Dragon's Head Conflict, and them finally being called a duo? Party. Chuuya getting promoted to executive position? Party.

The strange thing is, despite Dazai definitely having the authority and charm to make others attend these parties for Chuuya, it is typically only them and a select few people. The Flags used to attend, ever the good friends to Chuuya. At some point Kouyou, and even some of the Black Lizard+Akutagawa, started going too. It's no large party crowd, but that's okay. Chuuya's happy with the people there.

Even with the small reception, Dazai does go all out, ordering subordinates to help set up the decorations and food and such. Chuuya doesn't need to know how many were held at gunpoint to get the right type of cake.

Chuuya used to complain about the parties, saying that they really weren't necessary and was just a waste of time and resources and he'd rather be left alone than be in a party with Dazai. He doesn't leave though, not until the party's over, because deep down (okay maybe not that deep down, he'll just never say it) he appreciates it. He appreciates the effort and time Dazai dedicated to him, appreciates this roundabout way the demon prodigy cares for him.

nowadays, of course, Chuuya doesn't get parties anymore, as Dazai isn't the Port Mafia anymore. He does, however, get a gift delivered to him from a mystery sender for every accomplishment instead. Even without a card, he knows exactly who would send him such things.

[the-cactus-taco]

It is time I contribute

[skitskatdacat63]

if u’re still doing these… top 5 most insane martian moments.

Sry for the late response, I really had to think on it! But these have been pretty fun to do so thank you!! <3

1. The entirety of Monaco 2010

Any Monaco celebration has a special place in my heart as you probably well know! But just Monaco 2010 as an entirety is insane to me, to name a few: the matching Porsches...their parc ferme hug...Seb trying and failing to pull Mark into the pool...them jumping into the harbor together and Seb having to pull Mark up onto the dock, MONACO REALLY GAVE US SO MUCH 🤧 but also this race being the calm before the storm, like seeing them be all cute with each other but then knowing how the season ends and how things continue to proceed after that

2. Their Singapore 2008 date

Always holds a special place on my heart. Just that we have so many pictures and even footage(!!!) of their PR mandated date in a time where this kind of thing wasn't really common yet. The caption of the YouTube vid "Mark Webber and Sebastian Vettel share an evening in Singapore" 😵‍💫 and I also think often about this comment on that vid calling Seb a "kleine Mädchen." I just think it's very cute. Giggly STR Seb and older gruff RBR Mark, not yet affected by teammate tensions

3. Japan 2007

I think its always very interesting the foreshadowing you can read into while watching older races. I love that Martian were always on an inevitable collision course. Like imagine being Mark and that rookie who crashed into the back of you then goes to win a race before you and then becomes your teammate and then becomes wdc. That they were on this collision course before they even became teammates and Seb had barely been in the sport yet. And LIKE that quote from Mark about Seb about "kids with no experience" and Seb crying in his garage, crazy.

4. Turkey 2010

I have such a fondness for "WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE!? WHAT A STUPID ACTION! I'M GOING HOME! FUCK YOU!"(to the point where my friends who know nothing about f1 know about that quote by proxy bcs I quote it so much") I think it's interesting how much Martian's conflicts revolve around team orders and disobeying radios. It's funny bcs in Turkey 2009, a very similar situation to both Turkey 2010 and Malaysia 2013 happens, them telling Seb to stay behind Mark bcs of whatever reasons. And in 2009, Seb is clearly 🫤 about it but obeys but then goes on to try to overtake Mark in 2010 and fails, but then succeeds in 2013, very interesting to see how that dynamic evolves and grows more toxic! But by far the best part about Turkey 2010 is them having to take that "Us in our Get-Along T-Shirt" pic 😭 it's so funny and I wish they'd do press releases like this nowadays

5. That Monaco 2021 interview where Mark interjects about knowing the meaning behind the coins in Seb's race boots

It's just very sweet to me. There's some post about it on here that explains how meaningful it is, but I don't feel like searching for it, so I'm kinda just paraphrasing that. But like imagine them having a conversation where Seb explains it to Mark and the meaning behind it, and like probably a decade later, Mark still remembers it in perfect detail, enough to remember about the specificities about which coin goes in which boot and why.

Obligatory mentions: Malaysia 2013 of course(but I wanted to mention others, but Multi-21 is a given when considering crazy Martian moments), Australia 2016 podium, Mark's various Instagram forays during Seb's retirement, that one interview where Mark grabs Seb from behind while Love Will Tear Us Apart plays, when Seb sat on Mark's shoulders, anything of them from Abu Dhabi 2022, etc etc

[yuriiofthevalley]

i had 567 a couple days ago. where did this come from

[that-angry-noldo]

Eönwë and Finarfin spend a night on a perfect hill for stargazing.

Finarfin hurt his ankle and is laid up with a cast and crutches. Eönwë is doodling little hearts on his cast to cheer him up.

Eönwë wraps a blanket around Finarfin while he is sitting on the couch.

Eärwen drawing on Eönwë's and Finarfin's faces while they are asleep. They wake up to see each other faces covered in silly doodles.

After a long day, Eönwë sleepily crawls into bed with Finarfin, who is absorbed in a book. Eönwë lays his head on Finarfin's shoulder, and occasionally reads a page of Finarfin's book while lapsing into a deep sleep. Once Finarfin finds up Eönwë is asleep, he gently lays Eönwë down, covers him, and turns out the lights.

Eönwë comforting Finarfin after a nightmare.

Eönwë chooses a present for Finarfin.

Eönwë, Finarfin and Eärwen go sailing.

Eönwë combs Finarfin's hair.

Eönwë, Eärwen and Finarfin cook dinner together.

[liquidstar]

anyone else getting "null" next to original posts? i guess thats there instead of the little reblog icon lol

[langernameohnebedeutung]

okay but the glitch with the small size pictures makes this so much better

*whispers*

[zevrans]

.

[cluelessbees]

HI IVE JUST FINISHED JACKSONS DIARY AND I AM FREAKING TF OUT

OMG DUDE YES YES YES JOIN THE CLUB 🤝🤝

HAVE YOU READ THE RECENT CHAPTERS 👀👀

[thundercatwaffle]

@staff @support

I made a request about getting account unrestricted or unshadowbanned or whatever happened a month ago. Can I please get a response?

Can I at least find out why i got put in the naughty corner so that I dont do it again?

Did I flag too many porn bots and get labeled as a spammer?

Please don't ghost me!

[many-gay-magpies]

i love the new thing with saying "i want their gender" about a person because it emphasizes just how much of a social construct gender really is and how, in fact, everyone has their own individual "gender" through their choices of how they present themselves.

[starlitsilver]

the fuck is up with this site??? am i not allowed to have a custom theme for an """explicit""" blog????