#I thought i'd start something since their last comment was very out of date

[candyrockpop]

Two people are stood up on their dates and end up falling for each other.

Howdy Pillar X GN! Reader

CW: None, unless you count getting stood up on a date

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

"This is the last time I let her set me up on a date I swear." You thought, fuming yet also disappointed. Your sister has been trying to set you up with someone for months, and every time you get a date they're either stuck up and rude or they stand you up! You should have just told her no to these stupid dates.

You got all dressed up, too. You did your hair, your skin was flawless, and your feet hurt from these stupid shoes since you couldn't sit down in the restaurant. The reservation was in your dates name, and they wouldn't let you in without one. At this point, you gave up and sat on the curb. It had been two hours, your date wasn't coming.

"Hey, uh, you doin' alright? You've been huffin' for a few minutes..." You hear someone speaking to you as you feel a soft poke on your shoulder. You look up and find a tall caterpillar puppet. You had met a few puppets, all of which were overwhelmingly kind. He seemed nice, too, and it also seemed like he was also here for a date. He was dressed up in a cute tuxedo with his blazer hung over his arm.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asks again. Oh, shoot. You were staring and getting lost in thought. He must think you're a creep! "Oh, I'm okay! Sorry, I just got stood up by my date so I'm a little angry." You quickly explained, your hands waving in front of you defensively. "Hey, now! It's quite alright, no need to worry. How long have you been waiting, if you don't mind me askin'?" You smile at the concern the puppet shows for you, a stranger.

You sigh and look up at him, dejected, "About two hours now? I haven't even been able to get inside because the reservation was in my date's name." You start to grumble unintelligible words under your breath. The puppet sits down next to you and pats your back gently, a sad, understanding smile being directed at you. "If it helps you any, I got stood up too. Been here for, I don't know," he pauses to wave his hands as if he's weighing something, "maybe an hour? I'm not sure since I ain't great with time." He chuckles weakly. You balled your fist and held it up, "Sad fist bump?" He chuckled and bumped your fist with one of his, "Sad fist bump."

It was quiet for a minute before he made a sound of offended surprise. "Why, I don't think I introduced myself." He cleared his throat and smile politely, even draping his blazer over your shoulders to warm you a little. He put his hand out to shake, "My name is Howdy Pillar. It's lovely to meet you." You chuckled and put your hand in his. Both of you blushed, a pink tint on your cheeks. "You can call me (preferred name). It's lovely to meet you, Howdy." You resisted a laugh, asking, "I'm sorry if this is offensive, but Howdy? As in saying hello?" He blushed, embarrassed, and nodded.

"Just like sayin' hello." Howdy smiled in a relaxed yet excited way and stood up, offering a hand to help. "Say, if you don't mind, why don't we go and have a fun night together? A new restaurant, maybe? That way tonight ain't so bad."

You smile in return and happily take his hand. He doesn't let go, simply holding it gently, as he uses one of his other arms to wrap around your shoulder and another to look for any other restaurants in the area on his phone.

Maybe your sister was right in setting you up on all those failed dates after all, "You aren't all that bad to talk to, so I don't think I'd mind that one bit, Mr. Pillar."

I hope everyone enjoyed. He needs some more love and attention. He's just so cute!

Also, how has no one commented on Julie throwing Wally in the last fic? I am very amused about it.

[runawaydr3amerao3]

Fanbinding by @jinkieswouldyoulookatthis 📖🫶

Continuing my run as the luckiest little fangirl in the west... 🥺💖

@jinkieswouldyoulookatthis did something truly beautiful for me recently, and I've just received the results: my very own handmade, hand bound copy of my West series.

You can see her incredibly cool (possibly haunted) process here:

Below, you can see my very uncool emotional breakdown of/about it (and some more photos). 🥲

Now look at all of the beautiful details!

These end papers are so eye-grabbing and perfectly selected, since the series takes place through a revolving door of motels, just as in early-seasons canon.

The title verso has all of the information from AO3, the original LJ publishing dates, @idlingintheimpalapodcast's podfic version details, and the fanbinding specs. Then there's the contents page! JUST LIKE A REAL BOOK, YOU GUYS!

Also, did you happen to spot @tsukiyo-7's credit line on the verso page?! BECAUSE I DID! And I had no idea what that was about until I opened to the page with their custom artwork!

How freaking cool is that?! 😭 Thank you, you fantastically talented person! 💖 Everyone go check out their other beautiful art (plenty of stunning Wincest. 🫶) on their Tumblr!

In case you're wondering, the Kushtaka, which Jinkies also created a whole, super cool entry from John's hunting journal for, is the creature that necessitates Sam and Dean ending up in the shower together in part two of the series. 🤭

Then, not only that, but this curious little sticker tumbled out when I opened those pages:

Because Jinkies doesn't do anything by halves, it turns out that she even found this traditional formline artwork of the Kushtaka by Nick Alan Foote, an indigenous artist of Native American Tlingit heritage, where the legend comes from. That is such a special connection to have that I would never have expected. I'm way beyond touched. 🥹 Please check out the artist's other wonderful work here on Insta.

The final dagger in the coffin of my tendency to blubber at the drop of a hat, let alone in the face of heartfelt gestures, was this page:

@sam-is-my-safe-word and @talltalesandbedtimestories have been personal champions and cheerleaders of mine since the very beginning of my return to writing in this fandom, and they haven't stopped since. The fact that they still have effusively kind things to say about me and my work just makes me want to die (in a happy way).

The comments on my fics are, like, 90% of what keeps me writing. Sharing and engaging and knowing that my stories are making people happy is what it's all about for me, so having those comments from @fictionallemons, Faraway22 (not sure if they're on here under a different username?), Jinkies, and @chiquititasnewsong preserved as a reminder of that... Honestly, you should be glad you can't hear the noises I'm making right now.

The thing is, I knew Jinkies was doing this. She asked permission before she started, she offered to make me a copy as well, and I've been elated and flattered from the moment she did. But now, having it in my hands, I'm moved even further than I thought I would be (and believe me, I know myself–I knew I'd be a mess).

I live a very small life, y'all. The joys I experience tend to be on the same scale. So while this might not be grand or extravagant to many people, this gift, of something I put into the world through a medium I've only really known digitally, intangibly, now being something I can hold in my hands as proof that I've touched the lives of people so far and wide, is a kind of profound that these words don't do justice.

It makes my life feel pretty darn big after all.

Thank you, @jinkieswouldyoulookatthis. Thank you to those who contributed. Thank you to everyone who's read and commented and been a part of West in some way over the last 14 years. The story's still being told in this way. I'm so grateful to remain a part of it.

[sex-storytime]

Her Desperate Love Letter

It is with many different and intense emotions that I write to you about what happened this past weekend. I'm not even sure where to start. I have always loved you and cared about you so much, and you should know that I always will. As you can imagine, it's love that you should never question or wonder about. What happened doesn't change that, and I want you to know that, too. It's just that what happened can't continue. Just because it doesn't continue has nothing to do with my love for you.

Since you went to college and after your graduation from college, I've watched you grow so very much into the smart and handsome young man you are today. I'm proud of how successful you've already become. And, I've liked how you've carried yourself. Strong and confident, but respectful and responsible. It's because of this appeal of your's that I had mentioned to you that you should be careful with women.

You looked at me strangely the times I mentioned this, and until this weekend, I'd always thought that it was because you weren't sure what I was talking about. Now, it's clear that you must have taken that as some kind of subtle tease. That I was commenting on your success with women or something. What I had really wanted you to think about was not hurting them. When you are handsome and successful, you are going to break some hearts, I meant. Now, I realize you must have taken this as flattery.

Surely, this last weekend was something I should take some responsibility for. It was the second time I had visited you there in the city without bringing Roy along. But really, it shouldn't have been something I needed to be careful about. I was just coming to visit you.

I want you to think about it and tell me if I gave you different signals somehow. I had no intention of doing so. Yet, you took me out to dinner like you would have a date or something, and then out dancing. With the wine, it must have turned things hazy for the both of us. You didn't make matters any easier by your compliments on my dancing. When you're older like I am, such compliments mean a lot. And yes, they especially mean alot coming from you. You already know that now, don't you?

Looking back, it's much clearer now. Dinner, drinks, dancing. You're flattering me, and me eating it up. I at least had the good sense to go on to bed when we got home. When I woke up in the middle of the night, my good sense must've left me, huh? When did you climb into bed with me? Your rubbing my shoulders helped me stay groggy and relaxed. Your hugging me to you was probably when I should've gotten up. When I didn't get up or move away, did you know I was too far along? You know I felt you there, and you were obviously aroused.

I didn't get up, and you kissed the nape of my neck. All I did was put my hand to your hair, as if it was alright. That was wrong. I should've gotten up, because it was all getting to me. Between my love for you, the drinks and good time out that night, and the fact that I hadn't been intimate in so very long, I didn't want to move, didn't want to leave.

You turned me toward you so that I was lying on my back, and I felt so vulnerable to you. I shouldn't tell you this, but I liked feeling that way. Very much. In the dark there, I said nothing as you reached under my top and cupped my breast in your hand. Your gentle squeeze and the finger rubbing my sensitive nipple sent shocks through me. Things blurred for me, as you lifted my shirt further up and put your lips to my bare skin and hard nipple.

I was beginning to move away, when you did what I didn't think you would actually do. You pulled yourself over me and got between my legs. I was disbelieving when you parted my legs further apart. I should've had on panties. My hands should've pressed more against your chest to move you from me, but I didn't even resist very well, did I?

I let my hands move to your shoulders at the same time that you lifted my legs, didn't I? Is that when you knew for sure you were going to have me or had you already known? I just wonder. You fumbled at yourself down there, and it gave me a moment to again resist, didn't it? I'm horrible for having let this happen. I remember feeling embarrassed, when I felt you lodge yourself at my lips, since then you must've felt how wet I was. All I could do was take a sharp breath.

I shouldn't tell you this. But, I think I started orgasming as soon as you got yourself fully into me. You were so hard, and it felt so thick, that rolls of pleasure swept over me. Your hips bucking at me, and my sex taking you in over and over felt so sensual and so intense that I had to cry out like I did. You going harder and faster made another orgasm start to well up inside, and I hated myself for reaching my legs higher up your back.

You were panting and pushing so intensely that I wanted you to feel the same pleasure that I had. It was just the moment, I hope you know, that made me say the things I did. I had never talked that way around you. Never had you heard me say the word "fuck." I never would have thought I'd have said for you to go ahead and fuck me. That was crazy.

Even though crazy, it must have done something for you, huh? I saw you flex and tense. Hear your grunting. You pushed as hard as you could into me, as you pulsed inside of me. Thinking back now, it's so raw and incredibly nasty that you came inside of me, that it's actually having an effect on me as I write this.

We held each other afterwards, and we felt so very close. The next morning you were so sweet and so gentle with such a weird situation. I'm glad you understood that I needed to hear how no one would ever ever know our secret. And although I didn't respond at the time, you should know that I did like what you had said that morning about how attractive I was and about how you didn't care whether it was right or not that we had done that. You couldn't see, but I smiled at how you said you would do the same thing again anytime and anywhere. That was a turn-on actually. It still is.

Unfortunately, the reality is that it will have to be that one time thing that happened. Something we will always know, and that no one else ever will. Something we can look at each other and smile about quietly. It is something that I'll remember from time to time and really savor. It just can't happen again, and I really do appreciate that you understand that.

It's good to get this to you so that you understand how I feel about what happened. I guess we can talk about it some more if you need to. I do trust you. On New Year's Eve, I will be home alone. You probably have plans, but just in case, I thought I'd mention it. It's a big house here, and it's very quiet when it's just me here, so let me know.

[putschki1969]

Hi Puts!!

I hope you’re doing well! Thank you for always sharing information about pretty much everything, along your thoughts. After every event I always look forward to reading your reviews/comments.

You’ve pretty much inspired me to learn Japanese (along with the girls)! I’m even studying abroad in Japan this fall!! My exact days are August 22 - December 22.

I wasn’t sure I would be able to go until quite late (my program sucks at communications info) so I’ve been busy dealing with preparing to go to Japan, that I haven’t applied or bought any tickets! (Pretty much panicking at this point since I don’t know when I’ll be back).

Unfortunately YK vol.#20 tour ends before I arrive which I’m so depressed about since I loved every setlist (especially with Hikaru now performing T_T) (hoping she has more performances). Thankfully there’s still Wakana’s Classics, but I’m trying to figure that out still.

I was wondering if you knew any upcoming performances where there’s a good chance I can buy tickets still (whether online or at door) or have any advice on what I should do? I know there’s the Highway Star Party event but I’m not really interested in that. I will have a japanese phone number, address, and residency card so hopefully even the trickier tickets don’t cause any problems.

Also is there anywhere you suggest I visit? Restaurants and food? I plan to do a deep search and visit places the girls have mentioned ^ ^, more specifically around Tokyo.

Anyways, sorry for the long post/ask. Thank you for everything you’ve done!!

Hello there!

Thank you for this lovely message! And wow! That sounds amazing! I hope you'll have a great time in Japan.

What a shame though that you won't make it in time for the last YKL Vol#20 performance with Hikaru as guest vocalist. As of right now, I don't think they are planning to add any more dates for Japan. They have been known to announce at least one or two additional performances for Tokyo in the past but this year, it looks like they will end the main portion of the tour this weekend in Saitama. However, there are four concerts scheduled for November in China, Thailand and Malaysia. Chances are high that Hikaru will be invited as guest vocalist for these. Keep an eye out for any updates on that! We don't have any details yet but if you get the chance to go on a short weekend trip, I'd definitely recommend you get yourself a ticket and check out one of those places.

Overseas Performances YKL Vol.#20 Tour The performances are scheduled for November 2024. YK and her team will be returning to Shanghai (China), and will be performing for the first time in Guangzhou (China), Bangkok (Thailand), and Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia).

It may be a bit too late for this but you should 100% try to get a ticket for Keiko's upcoming fan club event! Just a few days ago, they announced a second lottery round so there's still a chance to apply for tickets until August 4! I don't know if you are a member of Keiko's FC but you could technically still register and hopefully finish the procedure in time to take part in the ticket lottery. Please note though that you'll probably need help from someone in Japan when using Lawson Ticket.

『KEIKO fan meeting chocolate meating #4』 Date: September 7, 2024 (Sat) Venue: TIAT SKY HALL 1st (Day): Open 14:00 /Start 14:30 2nd (Evening): Open 17:30 / Start 18:00　

Aside from possibly joining the YKL Vol#20 Asia tour leg, Hikaru will also be holding her very own solo tour during the winter time. Again, we don't have any details yet but once further infos get announced, I recommend you get your hands on a couple of tickets for one or two of those concerts. The Toyama live in particular is something I'd aim for if you want to have the best possible experience. Also a great opportunity to explore Hikaru's hometown

Hikaru Solo Tour 2024/25 -2024- 24/11/30 (Sat) Toyama 24/12/07 (Sat) Aichi 24/12/14 (Sat) Miyagi 24/12/21 (Sat) Kyoto 25/02/11 (Tue) Tokyo

The FC ticket lotteries for Wakana Classics are already over but there will be other options available soon. Last year, ticket playguide lotteries for non-FC members took place in October (with a subsequent regular sale) so I expect the same to happen this year. Just be patient a little while longer. They will most likely launch a dedicated webpage on the BSFuji website with some more infos on the concert and where to get tickets.

『Wakana Classics 2024 (tbd)』 Date/Time: 2024/12/18; Start 18:30~ Venue: Hamarikyu Asahi Hall

As for food and restaurants, that's very difficult for me to answer because I typically try to visit places that the girls have recently been to (I guess it's more of a spontaneous thing?). I do my best to keep track of all the good spots but it's a struggle T_T I suck at everything that's related to locations. However, you can check out my MEDIA posts on Twitter to see pictures of some of the spots I've already visited. I usually add a little description to my tweets so you should be able to figure out which places I'm talking about.

Three very popular Kalafina pilgrimage places are definitely Tsurutontan Roppongi (from an old blog post), La Maison Kioi (from a SPICE interview) and Shinagawa Aquarium (from a FC Harmony feature). Here's a blog post where I talk about visiting all three of them. One day, I want to eat at all the gyoza restaurants that Wakana has recommended in her fan club magazines but that's actually not so easy since most of those places are tiny and require a reservation.

You should also try to make short day trips to Ishikiri-Sanmyaku and Oya History Museum (best done with a group of locals or fellow fans). Both are beautiful locations which were used for various music videos (Kalafina's "Hyakka Ryouran", Hikaru's "Alterna-ate-", Kalafina's "Kagayaku Sora no Shijima ni wa", Wakana's "Butterfly Dream").

Sorry I can't provide a better list but hopefully, this will help at least a little bit.

[mavreos]

I'm ready to be tore apart by some crazy ass people who sincerely are a waste of oxygen but I need to say something, and I'll get political, very, and also pretty raw and without filters. Feel free to discuss in the comments if you wanna

I thought it was more of an urban legend but I actually saw someone that advocated the Liberation of Palestine and defended Hamas unapologetically. Let's be serious, such people are not just scumbags, but they are worse than Israel cause they don't understand the totality of geopolitics, and don't understand how Hamas is just a toy used by the Israeli Government to act recklessly against the Palestinians. I know using one's brain nowadays is getting more and more tiring but I'd like to ask you to do such otherwise we're all gonna meet our extinction pretty soon.

Let's start from common sense and the basis of Law from a sociological perspective. An eye for an eye is batshit, it can't work in a society that wants to progress, so using that excuses to praise Hamas is just stupid, especially because Hamas is composed of cowards that attack civilians, and despite they might be racists towards Palestinians this doesn't legitimates something like the 7th of October, where international investigations (yeah, without bias) found out numerous girls were victims of sexual abuses, something that isn't a rarity among the units of Hamas. Not on that date but they've been using PALESTINIANS, not Jewish people, but their own people, as human shields, they've had for several years a statute that declared that their mission wouldn't have completed until all of the Jewish people would have been wiped out of the face of the Earth. It's funny cause, there are way more leftists who basically worship these terrorists. Probably they don't know that before their ascension, Mussolini style, they passed their time killing all the parties in Palestine who weren't fighting like them against Israel. They are totalitarian, theocratic (forced women to wear the veil) and antisemitic, they don't make distinctions between soldiers and civilians and focus only on attacking civilians like I said, raped women multiple times and uses human shields. Netanyahu let millions of dollars pass from Qatar TROUGH Israel to get to Hamas while they stopped medicines coming by international organisations from getting to the Stripe Of Gaza, the leaders of Hamas live lifes full of luxury in Qatar while people kill themselves. Defending Hamas is as criminal as defending Israel, if not more since Netanyahu uses them as a Scape goat to be stuck in a perpetual war because those fuckers attacked first. I'm really disgusted by all such "leftist" who are ready to defend the worst shit just to go against someone else, Hamas has lost support during the last years even in Gaza, respect born from fear and forced because of the context isn't genuine. Defending Hamas won't help the people of Palestine nor the people of Israel who protests against their government every day. Same discourse with Ukraine-Russia, where people were crying out of joy for the Azov Battalion while they're Nazist and committed several war crimes, I think it's a vice of the Leftist people to do so. And of the western world in general, to support a side just because, without critically looking. We must stand with the people, those above are always committing war crimes using us as sacrificial flesh for their sick ideals and for their greed. What's up with the True Anarchist spirit that advocated for a freedom from all the higher powers ? Bah

I wish the best to all the people going through wars right now, I know this might not be useful at all, but someone knows about you, you won't be forgotten

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Super proud of you for getting out and doing things! Most people don't realise quite how hard that is to do with agoraphobia. I'm happy to see that you're out and doing things! And its been amazing watching you/hearing about how you're claiming your life back from your ex. And I can't wait to see where life takes you next!

Thank you! 🥹 I hope you and your little man are doing well!! My best friend's baby is getting so big, and it's still crazy to me that she's a mom 😳

Agoraphobia is no joke at all. I used to love getting out of the house, and now the very thought of it can absolutely paralyze me. It's been a struggle, I won't lie. There are so many days that I just can't get myself to leave the house for anything, even though I need to go do something. But I'm letting myself embrace the small victories because sometimes that's all it takes. Last week, I let myself be proud of the fact that I got out to pick up a prescription, even though I really didn't want to.

I ranted and I'm so sorry 😭😭 It's below the cut for those who are interested 😬

THANK YOU FOR YOUR MESSAGE!! 💕 I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING MIA AROUND HERE LATELY. AND THAT I HAVEN'T UPDATED ANYTHING IN SO LONG 😭 BUT THANK YOU FOR STILL BEING HERE!

As for taking my life back from my ex? I'm reconnecting with a few old friends and getting closer to my family again. When I was in college and grad school, I talked to my mom almost every single day. That stopped when I started dating my ex-husband. My mom admitted to me that she had stopped calling me because she realized that he and I typically fought after we talked, and she didn't want to make things worse for us by calling to check on me. It made me really sad to hear that my mom was afraid to talk to me because she thought that my husband would get angry. But now, I talk to her at least once a week, sometimes multiple times a week, and she's been so supportive and let me know how proud she is of me for each little step I take. I don't know what I'd do without her.

I've lost a few friends, which makes me a bit sad, but they're the people who believe the lies my ex-husband tells them, so I've realized that I don't need them in my life.

I made the realization a couple weeks ago that I was always anxious and exhausted around him because I had to mask my autism constantly. He got really upset when I stopped masking and would make comments about how he missed the 'old me.' I was quite literally not safe to be myself in my own home when he was around because he didn't love me for who I was; he loved the idea of having a wife who did exactly what he said to do and never disagreed with him for any reason. The more I began to discover about myself and my AuDHD, the more he would say he missed the way I was when we first met: a hyper-anxious, depressed, undiagnosed AuDHD doormat.

Life is still rough. Finances are very tight because I ended up keeping the expensive rent, which wasn't so bad with two incomes but is very rough with just one. I also had to get a lawyer to help me with what should have been a simple divorce since we had no kids or assets, but he made it as difficult as he could. So, I also have a lot of lawyer debt I'm working to pay off. But, as my therapist and I agreed, it was a small price to pay to never have to speak to my ex-husband again.

Where will life take me next? Building a savings, and then, hopefully, traveling. My ex-husband didn't know how to save, or budget. We had quite literally no savings because he just wouldn't stop spending. So I'm trying to build up an emergency fund again, which I haven't had since before getting married.

[foliosgirl]

Hey. I had loose thoughts in my mind about Folio as a drum teacher, so I don't know already where this will end (probably in smut, hehe). I'm writing this from Folio's and my perspective.

Let's start with Folio. Enjoy. If you want to be tagged let me know :)

Songs (as an inspiration):

Amber Mark - Mixer

Bad Omens - Malice

Drake feat. Jay-Z - Talk up

Majid Jordan, Naomi Sharon - Waiting for you

Phil Collins - Easy Lover

Zayn - Sweat

Lenny Kravitz - Again

Bad Omens - Just pretend (Live 2024)

Coldplay - Clocks

Thornhill - Nurture

Linkin' Park - Numb

Twenty One Pilots - At the risk of feeling dumb

TD_Nasty, Clara La San - Where u wanna be

Architects - Black lungs

I'll extend this. Maybe :)

Teach me

(Nick)

It's been a sucky time since Noah, the singer of my band suffered from a burn out and nobody knew when it would go on again. Our project Concrete Jungle OST, a soundtrack to our comics, had been released a few days ago.

My cell phone beeped:

"The fans are crazy about your OST album. Some of them like it a lot, but a lot of them don't like it at all. So it's the same as always."

I didn't even read through any comments like that anymore. The message was from our tour manager Matt.

I was exhausted too. It had just been too much lately. Nicholas, our bass player, was the only one who had somehow managed to get through this time reasonably well. Jolly, the guitarist, was already composing new songs after we had canceled our dates in Europe and the UK because he couldn't stand still and do nothing. It was hard for me too, but as a drummer I couldn't write my own songs if I didn't even have a melody. I needed something to do other than spend hours a day improving my drumming. I decided to give drum lessons for the first time in my life. In the garage at my parents' house a few streets away was my current kit and the old one I'd had since childhood. I couldn't part with the old kit. Even today, I sometimes only practiced on the small old kit so that I could play in a more reduced way. Besides, it didn't bother anyone in the garage.

In my own apartment, the neighbors were too close and would never have accepted it. I went to the music school where I was taking drum lessons myself at the time to ask Scott, the head of the school, if I could put up a notice. It said:

"Offering drum lessons for beginners and intermediates ages 6 and up. Nick: +1 323 xxxx xxxx".

It felt good to be back.

"Is Scott in?" I asked the obviously new receptionist.

"Just a moment. What's your name?"

"Nick" I replied a little nervously and looked at the posters on the walls.

"Hey Nick!" Scott said and greeted me with a handshake. "How's it going?"

"That's why I'm here. I need to do something. It's been very stressful over the last few years, but Noah's burnt out and we don't know when we'll continue. Certainly not in the next six months. He has 2 therapy sessions every week and the rest of the time he hardly leaves his bed. But I can't go on making music on my own. I have a big request for you. Can I put this up here? I can make good use of the time now and give lessons in my parents' garage. You probably still don't have enough teachers, do you?"

"I'm sorry about that. Sure, put the note up. No problem. Tracy, could you give Nick some tape so he can put the note up?"

The receptionist handed me the tape and grinned.

I tore off two small strips and read through my note again. Relieved, I exhaled and gave her the tape back.

"Oh Nick, I have a really talented boy who would probably be happy if he could take a few lessons with you. I'll let him know straight away, all right?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll see you soon, Scott. Take care, buddy!"

I closed the door, grabbed my skateboard and headed back home.

After all, I'd been out for about 15 minutes today.

I put on my headphones and played my playlist (Linkin' Park - Numb).

At the intersection, my cell phone vibrated. "How are you? I'm sorry. I can't say it enough. (Noah via iMessage).

I rolled my eyes. He had already apologized 100 times. It was for the best instead of us all breaking up at some point. The mood had been very tense over the last few weeks because we were all just exhausted from touring.

"I'm giving drum lessons soon. Scott already has a student for me. I've just put up a notice. Maybe a few more will join. Otherwise, I hope you get a little better every day. And stop apologizing!"

'Where u wanna be' TD_Nasty, Clara La San

I couldn't listen to it anymore. A favorite song of my ex-girlfriend. Our relationship didn't survive all the touring. I had hardly been home in the last two years, always on the road. I missed her, but it was better that way, even though we had been in a relationship for a very long time. Since high school, 10 years. I skipped the song, no, I even removed it from my playlist for good. Fuck it.

'Architects - Black Lungs'

I put my left leg back on the board and used my right one to continue riding home.

Exhausted, I flopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. Netflix and chill. Although it was sunny, I had no motivation to do anything else today.

---

(Stella)

I took my little cousin to music school for bass lessons. My aunt worked a lot and didn't have much time for him, but at least she picked him up from his lessons after work. I couldn't do much with him. He was 13, in the middle of puberty and exhausting. But not because he was loud, just the opposite. He couldn't get a sound out. Even with me, he only talked the bare minimum. Well, bass was probably the most suitable instrument for him. With anything else, he would be more the center of attention and I didn't see him there at all. "Have you got a new drum teacher by now? I'd still like to take lessons." I asked Tracy, the receptionist at the music school. "Unfortunately not, but look, someone put that note up last week. He gives lessons in his garage. He was a really nice guy who also studied with us."

'Offering drum lessons for beginners and intermediates ages 6 and up. Nick: +1 323 xxxx xxxx'.

I took a picture of the note with my mobile.

"Okay, Taylor, have fun."

Wordlessly and at a snail's pace, the teenager walked into the rehearsal room.

I rolled my eyes. "God forbid. I'm done with kids." I let Tracy know. "Until the right one comes along."

"The right one won't come along and I'm already too old."

"At 29?" she asked with a grin. "Thank you," I laughed.

I was already 34. Fucking 34. I was always estimated to be younger, which of course made me happy, but I just wasn't having any luck with men.

I didn't even want to fall in love anymore, my experiences were too bad, I preferred just to have sex without commitment.

It also suited my job as a nurse better. The constant shift work was anything but relationship-friendly.

'Hey Nick, do you still have a slot for a beginner? I'd be delighted. -Stella'

I sent the text message.

The next day I received a reply: 'Hi Stella, sure. When do you have time? Can you come tomorrow at 4pm?'

I looked at my duty roster.

'That fits. Can you send me the address?

I didn't hear back until my shift was over at 3pm the next day.

'Sorry, I hope you can still make it. I'm a bit stressed." This time, the message arrived on WhatsApp with the location stamp from Google Maps.

Now I was stressed too. I hurried home to get something to eat, packed up my dad's sticks and set off on my bike. I arrived in front of a beautiful house just in time. I couldn't miss Nick because he was already shmashing drums. I didn't see a doorbell on the garage, so I decided to call him.

"Stella here. I'm outside the garage."

A good-looking, dark-haired man opened the garage from the inside and invited me in.

"Nick. Nice to meet you. You want to start drumming?" I nodded. He was so damn attractive that it made me nervous and left me speechless at first. His hair was freshly cut and styled back. He was muscular and wore black trousers and a dark red T-shirt. I also noticed his countless tattoos. His left arm was completely full and he had one on his neck, that was all I could see.

I didn't want to come across as weird, so I tried to forget how handsome he looked and started talking.

"Yes, I have to. For my father." "For your father?" he asked, puzzled.

"My father passed away recently. I live in his house now and I'm sure he'd be happy to have his drums used." I smiled. "Oh, I'm sorry about that. Can you read music sheets?" "No. Does it matter?"

He shook his head before answering my question in the negative.

"Okay. What do you know about drums so far?" My eyes drifted to the smaller kit. "May I?"

"That's what you're here for."

I sat down and adjusted the chair. I played everything one by one and told him the names of the drums and cymbals.

-"That's right. Can you play anything yet?" I grinned and played the simplest things I could. I was amazed myself that I hadn't forgotten how to do them.

"Good, what do you want to achieve?"

What did I want to achieve? "I want to get better." "We can do better," he smiled and sat down at the other kit

---

(Nick)

In the meantime, I had just accepted my 5th student. Another beginner, or rather my first female student. I decided not to take on any more new students. It was incredibly stressful and the mother of the boy Scott had referred to me was incredibly annoying and always pushed him so hard that I had to control myself not to freak out.

Stella, my new student, didn't seem to be a teenager anymore. At least that's not how her message read. I liked the Italian name. It reminded me directly of my partly Italian-born family.

I listened to my band's song 'Malice'.

'No matter how long it takes. I'm going to practice 'Malice' again and destroy everything on the next tour. Anyone against us including Malice in the set again?

I wrote in the group chat of our band. Somehow I missed the guys. Hanging out together almost every day after such a long time and getting on each other's nerves, but also growing closer together and now not seeing each other for an indefinite period of time was extremely strange. In general, it was strange to be alone so much, to no longer have a relationship, even though we had all the time in the world to have this relationship now, but it was too late.

I still had our photo as a lock screen. I hardly noticed it anymore.

I played 'Malice' for the first time in many years. It sounded like shit.

I was too slow on the double bass pedal and it annoyed me. I had forgotten the time, because when I sat down at the drums, time flew by. I was very ambitious to get better at it. Stella, my new student, called to say she was outside my garage. I opened the garage door and in front of me stood a slim woman with dark hair and a plunging neckline. Her large breasts immediately caught my eye and I couldn't tell if they were real. They distracted me. I hoped she didn't notice my gaze and was covering up the fact that...fuck, she's your student!

She seemed to be a few years older than me. A strange feeling that I should be teaching someone grown up among the children and teenagers, but certainly exciting. She looked at me shyly through her green eyes as I introduced myself and I asked if she wanted to start drumming. Such a stupid question. Why else was she here?

I took the opportunity to look unobtrusively at her ass as she adjusted her chair in front of the kit.

Fuck, this was never going to go well. I liked her, but she was my fucking student.

[crestfallercanyon]

weekly tag wednesday friday (these last few weeks have been absolute hell so I've missed the last couple i've been tagged in-- but I'm still here!)💞

tagged by the loveliest peoples: @jrooc, @mmmichyyy <3

name and ao3 handle: crest, crestfallercanyon

current location: sitting at my desk at home technically off work but waiting for one person to email me back goddammit

favorite picrew (don't have one?you can skip this or do this one)? (I don't actually smoke btw, but I liked the aesthetic here)

what's one thing you want in a picrew? i hardly ever do them. guess freckles?

favourite thing you’ve created for the fandom? oh that's hard. I loved writing a lot of my fics, but probably was most excited with the final product of all these things I have left to say to you.

why is it your favourite? it'd been a long time since I'd written anything in the first person, especially in an epistolary format. I loved getting in both Ian and Mickey's heads for a fic. I love writing things that are mildly frightening and very surreal, and it was fun to be able to do that here. Especially when people realize what life is like for another person, which Mickey has a moment of clarity when it comes to Ian's BPD in this fic, so. That's probably why.

did it come easily or was it hard to create? It actually came together much faster than I thought it would. I didn't anticipate having much of a part two either, but then I just started going.

last ao3 fic you commented on? Past Anterior by noyeahtotally (Inception) for the third time, I forgot I commented on it previously, but I love that fic.

biggest wip heartache you’ve ever experienced? oh god there's been so many. I'm going to go with the one that immediately came to mind when I thought of this question though and that's A Hundred Thousand Loves (for just this one) by @subjecta5newtella

favorite trope or head canon you like included in a fanfic? don't know if it's a trope, but I do enjoy a good enemies/rivals to lovers. headcanon, for shameless in particular -- which I now realize i don't know if I've ever done this in my fics oops -- but I love when Ian's attention on Mickey feels like a goddamn spotlight. Boy has an intense stare and I think his attention on someone like Mickey, who usually vies for attention via violence and otherwise doesn't want to be bothered, has to both make him itchy and make him preen. I don't know, I just think Ian's full attention, the way he stares, it just seems very focused and I think it'd be a bit like "whoa, shit, okay"

least favourite? love that these are out here for other people, but I personally am not a big fan of a/b/o or mpreg. Also I don't like when characters get super shmoopified by love -- make 'em as lovesick as you want, but even at the most lovesick lovelorn, there are some characters who will not call the object of their affection "pookie"

secret or surprising kink or trope? I love when characters have to pretend to be something they're not? I don't know how else to describe it, but like spontaneous fake dating/fake hating, pretending to be a certain job because they got caught somewhere they shouldn't be, pretending to be an entirely different person in front of the object of their affection because of shenanigans, I find that really fun. Done well, it's just delightful to see the mounting horror of characters look at their loved one like "what in the actual hell are you doing" or having to join in on the charade and be like "what in the actual hell are we doing?"

describe how you feel after you’ve created something new? depends on what I've posted! Sometimes I feel good, sometimes I mainly feel nervous that I fucked something up or forgot something. usually I feel pretty good though.

top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: the discord servers I'm part of are filled with the loveliest hype people -- and then of course I cherish every comment I receive on fics after <3

it's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____? read something I've read a thousand times, the same I do with my television -- I go to something I've read or watched so many times that makes my heart happy.

I'm not going to tag anyone because I am already SO late! But thanks for including me still <3

[tetsunabouquet]

Basic Instinct Chapter 27

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVERYONE! Today, the first chapter of Basic Instinct turnt 1 year old. I mentioned before how xenophobic native English speakers dragged me for my mistakes as a non-English speaker to the point I stopped publishing fanworks and I'll admit the lack of support also wasn't motivating. Basic Instinct is the first fanfic I've completed since my very first fanfic that I actually kept to myself that I wrote when I was 11 years old. Yes, I am saying completed as I had planned this to be the final chapter. There's something poetic about releasing the ending on Basic Instinct's birthday and it just feels right to end the story at this point. Don't worry guys, you guys will still be getting an epilogue and a blooper reel where I will be releasing some short funny scenes like the off screen dance Kotaro and the reader did at the Maji Burger in chapter 5. I thank every single one of you for being here on the journey! masterpost

Today, was Akashi's birthday. Rima had planned out everything and you, Momoi, Reo, Midorima and Kuroko had filled her in with the occasional comment about what they thought might be nice too. Last week, before winter break, Reo had slipped the invitations to Nebuya and Kotaro, and Momoi did the same for Kise and Aomine as Kuroko took care of Kagami and Murasakibara. Kagami had been a bit surprised to be invited too, but after careful thought everyone agreed Kagami also should be getting an invitation. You were glowing with excitement and wore a beautiful, expensive dress that Rima had given you as an advance Christmas gift as you did feel a bit insecure as Masaomi would drop by on the party. You didn't wanted to look cheap, knowing how he felt about you. Rima had her scary side, but she had embraced you like a granddaughter and you knew she truly had your back if Masaomi were to act coldly towards you. So if anyone should be scared, it should be him. At least, that's what you kept telling yourself. You had been as thoughtful as possiblr. For one, you had written his birthday note with the markers he had bought for you on your first date. It had been hard to think of a birthday gift, because what could you give a boy who had almost everything already? You had been grateful for your friend Mari-Chan. As the two of you had chatted about the topic and how you thought of perhaps a self-made gift, she had the most brilliant idea. With the help of everyone, you had managed to collect a decent number of photos of Akashi and his friends, the few ones of the two of you and Rima had doubles made of childhood photographs with his mother. Spending your money on a few magazines of National Geographic, you had created the most beautiful collage of nature pictures to create a pretty backdrop, and then you carefully started making a collage of Akashi and his loved ones on top of your first collage. Mari had given you the money for the frame as those magazines had blown your budget, telling you how you always had her back when she needed you and this time she wanted to help you. She also said she thought you and Akashi were a cute couple in general and how much happier you looked now that the two of you had one another. Mari nearly chocked in the tight embrace you'd given her. Now, as you entered the Kaneshiro mansion with your gift, you couldn't help but think of how the dress and the pretty mansion remembered you of a fairy tale, with you being the princess. Fujioka came to place your present with the others, and the old man smiled at you. "Thank you for giving him his joy back. This birthday will be the best my young master will have ever gotten, and its all thanks to your love that he's getting what he deserves. I'd be honored of serving you as the lady of the house one day." Your face got a little red and you could feel a few tears pricking your eyes. The compliment touched you, and you gave Fujioka your warmest smile. "And I thank you, for getting him to the warm home he deserves." "Oi, y/n-chan!" Kotaro yelled, arriving with Nebuya and you let out a soft chuckle. Another servant took the gifts of their hands and they led the three of you to the dining hall. The usual table was shoved into a corner where the small pile of gifts rested atop A new, larger table was seated in the center of the room, sporting the largest birthday cake you had ever seen in real life, and plates with various different foods. Midorima and Tamamura-san seemed to try their hardest to distract Murasakibara from eating before the party started. Kuroko, Kagami and Momoi were reacting to something stupid Aomine had said, Momoi was rolling her eyes and Kuroko was saying something you couldn't hear with Midorima's scolding drowning out his voice. Reo was chatting up with Umemiya-san and you guessed it was probably recipe related. You could recognize Yuuki, chatting up with some other maids as they eyed the commotion as you did. Only Kise hadn't arrived yet.

After another half hour, all of you gathered around as Fujioka went to get Rima and Akashi. Kise still wasn't there yet! You hoped it wouldn't hurt Akashi's feelings. As the anticipation arose in the room, and you could feel the excitement jittering in your skin, the doors opened. "Surprise!" They all yelled, only to see Kise in the doorway, carrying his gift. He chuckled as he walked into the room, "Hi!" "Kise, why are you so god damn late!" Aomine grumbled annoyed and Kise pouted. "Aominecchi, I am supposed to be fashionably late." At that you and several others chuckled, and just then did the doors open again, this time with the actual birthday boy, butler and grandma. As everyone gathered some air, they once more shouted, "Surprise!" Akashi looked on with big surprised eyes and then looked at his grandmother. "I thought you deserved an actual birthday." He couldn't help but feel his eyes water, and he hugged his grandmother. You broke out into a wide smile, looking onto his happiness. Akashi walked to your group and said, "I'm happy you made it to my birthday." "He's here now. Can we finally eat?" Murasakibara asked hungrily. Akashi chuckled and said, "Of course, let us feast on this occasion!" And so all of you took your own seat. The cake only had one candle, so Akashi did not have to worry about the cake's large size. He closed his eyes and made his wish, 'I wish my bonds with these people will never change.' All of you clapped as he blew out the candle, and almost with lightning speed did Murasakibara took a slice. Everyone looked flabbergasted at his audacity not to let Akashi go first, but he shrugged it off with a happy smile, because all of you were there and that was the gift he had always wanted. Each of you then took your then filled your own plate, and just as you took your first bite of food, did another butler bring in Masaomi, awkwardly holding a gift. "Take a seat father." Akashi said, and Masaomi handed his gift to the butler. You immediately felt anxious, but then Rima smiled at you and you couldn't help but smile back. 'thank you', you mouthed, for all her support. And the party did go over smoothly. Masaomi talked mostly with Rima and the servants that evening, observing you, Akashi and his friends from the sidelines. Which came much as a relief. Before you left to go back home, Akashi embraced you as you bid your goodbye to him in the garden. "You really look stunning in that dress. It suits you perfectly." He complimented and your face flushed red. "Thank you, your grandmother has great taste." He chuckled, his eyes bright and his smile so wide that it hurt but he couldn't help how happy he was. You wrapped your arms around his neck. "Happy birthday Sei." Akashi leaned in and kissed you with such delight, the two of you felt as if you were set afire. There was no moment more perfect then this.

[bardock1991]

My thoughts about the Penny Revival Theory... & Why i don't see it happening.

Before i begin, I'd like to make one thing clear. This is not a personal attack on anyone who likes these theories & wishes them to be true, nor is this me telling any of them or some of you for that matter that you're wrong for thinking this way. I just wish to express my OWN thoughts in the matter & why they don't sit well with ME personally & why I don't see it happening in the canon story.

I'm begging you guys to keep the discussions in both the comments & reblogs civil, I'm not here to pick any fights. Moreover, do NOT go & attack people who follow this theory, i do NOT want them getting harassed for this. If i see any of you do that, I'm going to block you.

Also, a quick trigger warning: there's gonna be a few mentions about death in this post, including suicide. I tried my best to make sure there's not too many mentions of it, but i wanna make it clear since i know how sensitive that topic can be for people. Okay? Here we go!

So! RWBY Volume 9! My personal favorite RWBY volume to date & one of my favorite seasons of anime in recent memory. I'm serious, we're talking top 3 material here. With an amazing new world to explore, gorgeous animation, tons of great characterization (for the most part), incredible pay offs for stuff that was being set up for years at this point, all concluding in a (albeit a bit rushed) very satisfying conclusion that really resonated with me personally. Now with almost one week away from the finale, i can safely say that this volume is my personal favorite RWBY volume... So now i think it's time to discuss something that I've been neglecting to talk about since the Volume began... Heck, since V8 ENDED!... & That matter... Is Penny!

As a huge Nuts N'Dolts shipper myself (although I'll admit i haven't truly appreciate the shit until somewhere around mid to late 2021 to early 2022), it's safe to say that i really love Penny. She's a really adorable character with a pretty interesting arc about choice & how she's not a thing others can just use. I don't think it was executed the best though, since if you wanna be technical, Penny DID made her own choices in the story. Like her choice to actually be honest with Ruby in V2, going with the heroes instead of Ironwood in the end of V7 & holding up Amity in V8 despite the risks just to name a few. So the whole idea of her only really having a choice when she committed assisted you know what (it wasn't a choice, it was an ultimatum) doesn't really hit as hard as the story wanted it to hit... THAT + the fact that the one who was there with her in the end wasn't Ruby... But Jaune... Yeah, I'm still not over that... But despite all of that, i still love this character & is tragic to see her go the way she did... Yet... Unlike most NND fans... I kinda want Penny to stay dead...

HEAR ME OUT!!! Now yes, Penny has indeed came back from the dead once, that is true... So most people think why couldn't that happen again & moreover, in the words of some people said it themselves on Tumblr put it "Why would the writers give such an unsatisfying & cruel fate if they weren't gonna do something with it? Like bring her back?" (Sidenote, if any of you attack these people, I'm gonna be VERY pissed because like i said earlier, I'm NOT here to start pointless flame wars & fights!)... But for both a LOGICAL standpoint, as well as a STORY & CHARACTER standpoint... Not only would this not make a lot of sense, but it'd also be rather... Disrespectful... Let me explain.

Why the Penny Revival theory wouldn't work from a LOGICAL standpoint

Option 1: Ascension/Ever After Loopholes.

So for those unaware, Penny died in V3 by being cut in half by Pyrrha, albeit because of Emerald's Semblance messing with their heads. But in V7, we learned that she was able to not ONLY come back to life, but also come back with her memories & experiences from her LAST life intact... Why?... Because her CORE wasn't all that damaged in Beacon. (Actually, IDT it was damaged at all cause Penny's core is essentially her heart & she wasn't cut in half from the chest, it was from the waist.) Keep this factor in mind cause it's gonna be the main factor as to why this theory cannot become a reality from a logical standpoint.

Now let's go to the end of Volume 8, where the heroes manage to save Penny... Until they didn't. They were able to save her from the virus by tricking Ambrosius into making her into a human without ACTUALLY asking him to do it. There's a great video explaining this in greater detail that was made by the amazing Murder of Birds, which I'll link over here: https://youtu.be/ovd_jcdvbL0

Anyways, Cinder catches everyone off guard, the writers take a dump on Ruby, Penny gets capped off & Solitas goes to shit!... Where does V9 take place? The Ever After, which we NOW know is the center of the entire RWBYverse. Think of the Ever After (more specifically, the TREE of Ever After) as the Tree of Yggdrassill in Norse Mythology.

In Ever After, when a person dies, they're essentially sent into The Tutorial Realm of Kingdom Hearts. But instead of picking your weapons & stats, you pick who you wanna become in the next life. In simpler terms, death in ever after works like reincarnation. You die & get the choice of either come back as yourself (which doesn't happen very often) or the choice of being erased from existence & be replaced by someone else who just so happen to look like your previous self... Oh & there's some bullshit about how "the heart always remembers", but that makes no fucking sense, so i don't count that.

So a lot of fans, especially as the Volume was reaching its conclusion where we learn more & more about Ever After began thinking "Oh, then that must mean Penny will come back"... So a few things why this doesn't really work... & It starts with easily the biggest counterpoint... Did Penny die in the Ever After?... No, she didn't... She died in The World of Void... Which is NOT the same thing! Meaning that Penny wouldn't be able to come back as either herself or as a "reincarnation" that replaces her very existence. That's not possible unless she specifically died in Ever After, which wasn't the case. So that's already off the table... & Those who said "Oh, when Little dies, they'll be reborn as Penny & they'll finally give Ruby hope again"...

2 problems with this... 1: Replacing a character that was introduced specifically for this season... & Then replace them with someone who just died on the season before this one... For arguably no reason other than fanservice... Do i need to explain the problem here?! Do i need to explain why this wouldn't have been a good writing decision?!... Not to mention how little sense it'd actually make sense Little doesn't know Penny, so WHY would they ascend as her?!

2: & This is more personal for ME specifically, but i really... REALLY do not like having someone's character arc be arbitrarily resolved because of someone else as a way to "cure them" or "help them"... In this context, it'd be Penny being the "cure" that Ruby needs to regain her hope again... Again, i ask you... Do i need to explain why this wouldn't have been a good thing?!

If that actually happened, Ruby wouldn't learn anything in the end! She wouldn't learn that being herself was good enough, she'd instead learn that in reality, there IS no consequence! People can die & come back if the world suddenly decides it had enough of you moping around all depressed, which is not only bad writing, but also VERY insulting to those who were/are in a similar position as Ruby did in V9!... That is not the lesson you wanna teach to your main character when she's in that state of depression, let alone your AUDIENCE!

While i will be the first to admit that they fucked over the way Ruby ascended in the first place by essentially mimicking you know what & then make such a jarring tone shift in the very next chapter (Jesus Christ, that was awful), the end result was beautiful! It wasn't perfect & it happened a bit too quickly for my taste, but it was STILL beautiful! Ruby eventually realizing that she doesn't HAVE to be someone else & moreover, she doesn't HAVE to be perfect... Just being herself is good enough & even if she doesn't know who she is deep down, she won't be able to find that out unless she CHOOSES to he herself, which was the POINT of Volume 9's finale from Ruby's PoV... Bringing Penny back in this instance would completely go against this message, cause Ruby wouldn't be able to fully appreciate herself as a person.

Option 2: Pietro creates a THIRD Body for Penny, just like he did for Penny 2.0.

Ok, now with THAT out of the way, let's talk about the SECOND possibility for Penny coming back... Pietro either MAKES a Penny 3.0 or has already MADE one by the time RWBYJ returned to Remnant... Remember when i said that the only reason Penny was able to come back in the first place was because her core/heart was intact, thus allowing Pietro to actually MAKE a second body for Penny while still letting her keep her memories?... Yeah, that's not possible here anymore. Why?... Because not only did Penny die in The World of Void... She died as a HUMAN!... Meaning that her core... Her HEART... Is gone for GOOD!

Nobody managed to retrieved Penny's body from the world of void before the portals closed, (nor did we ever see it in Ever After, which was a MASSIVE missopportunity if you ask me. Along with the fact that we never see the reactions of the others learning how Penny ACTUALLY died which... WHY didn't we get that in V9?...) So it wouldn't have been possible for Pietro or anyone for that matter to take her heart back, even IF Penny died as a robot again.

Moreover, Atlas is gone! Their TECHNOLOGY & MATERIALS are gone! Sure, Amity & some stuff from Argus are still around as we saw in the final shot of V9, but most of it is gone... Pietro wouldn't be able to create a THIRD Penny Robot with the resources he has. But even then, let's say that he did. Let's say that Pietro WAS able to create a THIRD Penny Robot... There's still a huge problem here, it WOULDN'T be the same Penny. Why?... Because the CORE would be different, the HEART would be different.

Pietro wouldn't be able to create a THIRD Penny Robot so he can add her core in there BECAUSE HER ORIGINAL CORE IS GONE! Pietro & the others managed to RETRIEVE the core after the events of V3, but that wasn't the case for V8. The Penny we grew to know & love is GONE! She will NEVER be able to come back in a way that doesn't make sense & doesn't feel like a total asspull, it's NOT gonna happen. If we ever get a THIRD Penny (& that's a REALLY BIG if), it's gonna be a completely different Penny instead of the one WE know, a completely different Penny from the one RUBY knows... & Loves... Let me ask you people... Would you WANT that? Would you want this "Penny 3.0" to essentially replace the Penny we grew to know & love?... Do you guys ACTUALLY want that?!... Personally, i DON'T!

If it were up to me between keeping her dead & essentially replacing her either through ascension or through a third model that's completely unrecognizable, I'd go with the FIRST option!

So yeah, those are the reason why Penny coming back wouldn't work from a LOGICAL standpoint, so now it's time for the one that's gonna be VERY controversial... Why Penny coming back wouldn't work from a STORY & CHARACTER standpoint...

Why the Penny Revival theory wouldn't work from a STORY & CHARACTER standpoint

Okay, this is where i have to put up some flame shields, cause this is the point of the discussion where I'm gonna make A LOT of people mad at me... Okay, here we go...

Reason 1: It'd undo Penny's sacrifice, which would be a very disrespectful thing to do.

Now even though the whole "only choice Penny had was how she chose her death" thing is actually bullshit because it wasn't a choice, nor was it her only one... It'd still feel very disrespectful for the heroes to just... UNDO the sacrifice she made to make sure Cinder doesn't get any stronger.

Think about this from Penny's perspective. You decide to ask one of your few remaining allies to essentially help you commit assisted you know what so you can make sure your inherited magical power doesn't fall into the wrong hands... Then a while later, those same allies undo your efforts by bringing you back to life...

That would feel like a slap to the face if you ask me. Regardless of intentions, they would essentially undo the hard work i did to make sure THEY got to live... I'd feel REALLY insulted if that happened to me & I'm pretty sure Penny would feel that way too. So right off the bat, there's a problem.

Not to mention, how did this entire story start again? How did this entire SERIES started again?... Let me think for a moment... Oh yeah, it's because a spiteful, self-righteous woman tried to play god & get her fallen fiancee back despite being told by LITERAL GOD that this was wrong & then pay the price for it by becoming immortal until she truly understands the meaning of life... (spoilers, she'll never do so willingly because it's Salem. She's the f-ing worst)

So why the FUCK would you want the heroes to do the exact damn thing?! Why the hell would you want them to essentially do the same thing the main villain did?! The same thing that put these kids in this mess in the first place?!... Why the hell would you want that?! It just makes no sense to me.

That's like if Byleth from Fire Emblem tried to bring back Jeralt by doing the exact same fucked up experiments Rhea did in the attempt to resurrect Sothis, all the while Byleth has complete understanding of the consequences her actions will have because she literally experienced the consequences of Rhea's actions when she did that to Byleth herself!...

Do you see where I'm going with here? By trying to play god in bringing Penny back, Ruby & co. would essentially be proving Salem & in a way, the Gods right in saying that mankind at its core is worthless & beyond salvation.

& Before i move on to my next point, let me bring up a scenario for you guys. Imagine if you were Ruby, imagine if you - as Ruby Rose - met up with Dr. Pietro Polendina in Vácuo & he tells you that he may (keyword: MAY!...) have found a way to bring Penny back... But in turn, it'd cost him his life. In Volume 7, we learn that Penny's soul isn't actually artificial, but actually a fragment of Pietro's soul... His life force.

While what I'm about to say isn't confirmed as of the writing of this essay, i wouldn't be surprised if this whole "taking away my soul & putting it on something else" thing Pietro did took a huge toll in his lifespan... IE: it might've made his life span much shorter & maybe even age faster. In that same scene, he also says that if Penny dies again, he doesn't know if he will have enough life force to bring her back a second time.

So with ALL of that in mind, would YOU - Ruby Rose - accept Pietro's offer? Better yet, would you let him actually DO IT?!... Personally, i wouldn't... I'm sorry, but I'm not the kind of person who could bring himself to bring someone back to life by either killing someone else or letting said someone else die. Especially if the person I'm trying to bring back is the daughter of the person I'm killing in exchange!

Imagine how devastated Penny would feel if that happened?! Imagine how she would feel of her own father died in order to bring her back to life again... Do you think she'd be able to live with that reality?! Do you think she'd be able to forgive herself for that?! Let alone forgive Ruby for either telling Pietro to do that or worse, letting him do that & not stop him?! Do you think Penny would want that?! Do you want this poor innocent girl to come back at the cost of her father's life?!...

How could Ruby ask that of Pietro, how could you ask that of him? How could I ask that of him?! What kind of person do you have to be in order to ask someone's parent to essentially sacrifice the remaining years of their life in order to bring THEIR child back?! Not YOUR child, THEIRS!... Do i need to go any further on how cruel & messed up this scenario would be?!...

I can't fucking believe some people actually say this unironically, but they freaking do! Like- guys!... You can't bring somebody back to life by having their parent literally exchange their life for them! You can't just DO that! That's like if i was asking the Mom of my best friend who just died to sacrifice her life to bring back my friend... How the hell am I supposed to ask that of somebody?!

Reason 2: Sometimes, people just die.

Okay, THIS is where I'm gonna sound very controversial. Cause what I'm about to say will make people very upset... So for those who somehow are still reading this, but don't feel like finishing it... Out... Now!...

This is the most overused talking point I've heard when i hear people talking about Penny's death in Volume 8. How it was needlessly cruel, unfair & unsatisfying, as well as asking themselves why the writers would do this if they didn't plan on bringing her back in the future?... Here's the problem with this line of thinking... Sometimes, bad things just happen...

There are times where bad things happen out of our control, there are times when even after being prepared for the worst, we still lose & most of all, there are times where people just... Die... & There's nothing we can really do about it... The point I'm trying to make here is this: People don't often die in order to make a big sacrifice for the greater good or to save their loved ones... People don't often die to achieve a greater purpose in life or to motivate someone else... Sometimes... People just die... & That's what happened to Penny...

Despite everyone's best efforts, she died... Despite everything Penny went through to get as far as she did, she died... Despite all the love, care & affection the people around her showed her & proving to the world that her life did indeed had meaning... She died... & There was nothing the heroes could do about it. Jaune wouldn't have been able to heal Penny in time before she either bled out or before Cinder finished the job herself, there's no Senzu Bean equivalent in RWBY for Penny to take for her to suddenly heal all of her fatal wounds, there's no legitimate healing spells in RWBY as far as we know... & Most important of all, there was nothing the heroes could do to stop Cinder.

Now before some of you say "Oh, but Emerald knew & could've told them!" & To that i say YES, you're right... Except not really... Thing is, Emerald didn't know Cinder would do what she did. She didn't know she'd ally with Watts & Neo, create this very elaborate scheme in order to kill everyone in The World of Void. There was no way in hell Emerald could ever find out about that, nobody could. Heck, they didn't even know who was holding the missing Lamp at the time! Making the heroes counter Cinder's plan even MORE unlikely.

Now is this death unfair?... Yes!... Is it very cruel? Yes!... Is it rather unsatisfying?... Very!... But that's the whole point! It's supposed to be a very cruel twist of fate, it's supposed to be this horrible, tragic ending to a character who deserved better & ya'know why? Because that's what death actually feels like to people!

Many people (myself included) don't see death as this great ending to a story or a final goodbye or anything like that. It's usually seen as this cruel, unfair & very painful thing people go through. Whether it be through an accident, a murder, an illness or just old age... Dealing with the death of loved ones suck! It's not supposed to be seen as something that could have benefits to the world or something that could/should be undone.

& That's essentially what happened to Penny. I don't know about you guys, but i am just so tired of people saying that she had to have died for a cause, there has to be a reason the writers killed her off the way they did & that it must be the story telling us that she'll come back somehow... Here's the problem with all of these takes... There IS no reason for her death, there IS no big cause for her death... She just died... That's it...

Like i said a few moments ago... Sometimes, bad things just happen that are out of our control & there's nothing we can do about it. There doesn't have to be a reason for everything, that's not how the world works. Penny's death is no different... Neither is Pyrrha's, neither is Summer's supposed death... That was the whole point of Volume 9. It wasn't about doing the impossible or undoing the past, it was about accepting what happened & trying to find a new reason to live, as well as accepting that the person you are now is good enough.

Does the world suck sometimes? Yes. Does the people in it ruin your reason to live sometimes? Yes. Can reality be the cruelest, sadistic & unforgiving asshole you've ever met in your life sometimes?... Absolutely!... All of what i just said is true, there's no ifs, ands or buts about it. Sometimes, life is one merciless & unforgiving bitch!... But ya'know what's also true?... Ya'know what's also reality?... You have a choice to make... You get to choose how you will properly deal with that reality.

You can either choose the path Salem, Cinder, Neo, Watts, Ironwood, Adam & all of the RWBY villains/antagonists took, where you're so spiteful & resentful towards the world that you wanna give the same pain you just went through back at the world. Because in your mind, it's justified. Why shouldn't the world suffer the same pain you've suffered. It's not fair for you to go through literal hell while everyone else is all happy & cheerful, living their lives without a care in the world... That doesn't sound fair to you, does it?...

If you make this choice, you're essentially letting your pain & suffering do the talking for you. You're letting it control your life & make all of the decisions for you... You could do that... But you can also choose to take a different path, one that's more benevolent & hopeful... The path that people like Ruby, like Summer, like Yang & the rest of the team good guys have chosen to take.

A path where instead of using your pain & suffering to make the world worse, you use it to make it better. You use your own painful experiences to help others, to make sure they don't go through the same pain you did. It might seem like it's too much for you to handle & sometimes, it might even feel like a waste of time. Hell! You might even get to a point where you ask yourself "Where's my help? Where's my source of comfort? Why can't someone pick me up for once?" But if you stick to your guts & if you don't lose sight of yourself, you'll eventually realize 2 things.

1: The person you are now is good enough. It's not perfect, this person makes many mistakes & has maybe done some terrible things in the past... But the good that person did can't be denied & maybe... Just maybe, that person you are right now is good enough, even if you don't realize it right away.

2: Your actions, no matter how small they may seem, CAN leave a positive impact on others. Eventually, you come to realize that despite your many failures in life, the good you did accomplish cannot be understated. Whether it be on a single person or maybe even a whole group of people, they're only where they are now because of you.

You were the one who gave them the drive to keep living despite the hardships the world can bring at them, you were the one who showed them that their lives actually mean something! & You should take pride in that, no matter how small it may seem to you.

So yes, the world can be very cruel... But it can also be very beautiful... & You can choose whether or not you embrace its cruelty, or show the people how beautiful the world can be... That's the entire point of not only Ruby's arc in volume 9, not only the entire point of Volume 9 as a whole... But the point of RWBY as a whole. It's a story about how the world can affect different people, a story where its cruelty can either make people very spiteful & resentful or make them empathetic & kind. Because that's how things are in our world too... & I'm really happy to see RWBY both understanding this theme... & Embracing it.

3: "If Penny's death is meant to be unfair & cruel... Then what was the point of it"?

& You might ask me "What, did Penny just die for nothing then?"... Well... Yes & no... While it is very cruel & unsatisfying - which again, was the point - i wouldn't say she died for "nothing." If Penny didn't do what she did, Winter would've died against Ironwood (remember, she was at death's door when Penny gave her the Winter Maiden Magic. Ironwood was this close to finishing her off.), Weiss would've died against Cinder, Jaune probably would've died against Cinder as well & worse of all, the Winter Maiden Magic would go to someone else random. Why is this a problem?... Oh, nothing much... It's nothing too serious, except for the part that all of the escapees are getting killed off in the desert & there was nobody powerful enough to complete subdue & protect them at the time! Are we seriously forgetting about that?!

It doesn't matter if it was either Penny or Winter, if neither of them went through that portal, i can guarantee you that everyone on the other side of that portal would've died by the Vacuan Grimm. (You can mostly thank Weiss [The Writers] for not being more specific about the exit of the portals, but i already wrote & sang that song many times in the past, so i don't wanna get too sidetracked here.) I can guarantee you that the only reason Ren, Nora, Oscar, Emerald, Klein, Willow, Whitley, the Happy Huntresses & everyone else who made it there didn't all fucking die in that desert is because of Winter coming when she did as a Maiden, which wouldn't have happened if Penny didn't do what she did.

So uh... Yeah, Penny making sure the Winter Maiden Powers went to someone she could trust was kind of a big deal. You can't call that "dying for nothing", because despite losing the 2 relics, Penny's death essentially gave the survivors of Solitas a chance to even make it through Vácuo alive & by extension, having an entire unified armada ready to go as we see in the final shot of V9. (Most of that is thanks to Ruby & her message, but i still need to give Penny some credit for this since i doubt there were enough people to properly lead this unified armada). Once again, sharing a great video from Murder of Birds that puts things into perspective better than i ever could: https://youtu.be/k3i8kS5i4qw

Final thoughts

So overall, i think these Penny Revival theories aren't really worth making it a reality. I think it'd be best to just let Penny rest in peace & let Ruby & co. carry on her memory & will, even if her actually death is very cruel & painful. By bringing Penny back, you don't just undo her sacrifice, but also go against the core themes of the show, in more ways than one... So as much as it pains me to say this both as a Penny fan & as a huge Nuts N'Dolts shipper... I think it'd be best for Penny NOT to come back for a second time.

I once again ask everyone to keep things civil in both the comments, as well as in the reblogs & to NOT attack anyone who follow these theories. I do not want that & if i see anybody do that, I'm going to block you... & I really don't wanna do that, especially since my block list is getting kinda full with these annoying as hell pornbots (hate those jerks.)

But that's it for me. This has been Remnant Bardock & until our next meeting, have a wonderful day, my friends!

@asm5129, @iamafanofcartoons, @tumblingxelian, @frisk863, thoughts?

[lovelyfanatical]

I Get a Sugar Rush Whenever I'm With You - Chapter 9.2

Greetings, fellow Drukkari stans! You're getting this mini-chapter while I'm on vacation, so I'm writing to you across space and time! 🤪 If you've fallen behind and need to catch up, you can find all previous installments on my Table of Contents here. Druig and Makkari have cleared the air and Druig is resolved to forget about his feelings, but can he? Find out now in the next mini-chapter of Drukkari in the Great British Bake Off!

The showstopper was proving to be a bit of a disaster. Druig hadn't really thought he'd make it to patisserie week, and with all his fretting over Makkari, he hadn't practiced his bakes for this week that much. So, while the other bakers were busy perfecting their delicate gateaus, Druig was quite sure his was lopsided, and no amount of edible gold would be able to hide it. He was proven correct when Arishem pointed it out during judging. He also found the chocolate rather plain, adding insult to injury.

As with everything else, Druig pushed it aside for now, but this proved rather difficult when interview time rolled around. Considering how the challenge had gone, Darcy had Makkari ready and waiting to conduct his interview. Little did she know that it wouldn't help much this time. Druig did his best to act normal, but he could practically feel himself clamming up more and more with every question. Overall, it still wasn't his worst interview, but Makkari could sense something was off.

Despite this, Makkari didn't pry. Not yet, at least. On the one hand, Druig was grateful. After all, it saved him the anxiety of telling her what was wrong. On the other hand, it made for a pretty awkward lunch. They and Kingo were the first ones to the table. While they swapped bakes and delivered their usual praise, the unsaid words hung in the air between them, making them lapse into plenty of uneasy silences. Even Kingo could feel it, and for once, he didn't comment on it. This was the state Phastos and Gil found them in.

"Rough day, huh?" Gil said, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

"You could say that," Druig answered.

"Well, we've still got two challenges left. Things could still change," Phastos added. It was still basic, but he was picking up signs and including them where he could.

Very true, Phastos, Makkari concurred, giving him a small smile.

"Hey, at least you'll be back next week either way," Kingo chimed in.

"I suppose that's true," Druig muttered pensively. "Thank you all for trying to cheer me up, but I'd rather not think too hard about it right now."

"We can do that," Gil replied confidently. "Since we're changing the subject, should I tell you guys about my date with Thena?"

Tell us everything!  Makkari signed frantically, a smile springing to her face. Druig couldn't help but smile himself at the sight, even if he could still feel his heart sinking from that morning. With a deep breath, he tried to let the feeling dissipate as he listened to Gilgamesh go into detail about where he and Thena went, what kind of coffee she drank, and how they spent hours talking about anything and everything. And for a little while, Druig did start to forget why he was feeling this way.

-

Lunch was a nice reprieve, but once they were back in the tent, the pressure returned, along with all the things Druig had been avoiding thinking about. He'd been trying to just concentrate on the technical challenge, but with only four of them left, his eyes began to wander to Makkari's station. She was quite focused on the task at hand, making dough for her palmiers. After staring at her a moment too long, Druig averted his gaze, mentally admonishing himself. He was so preoccupied that he ended up overbaking his own palmiers, and with no time left to try again, he had no choice but the present them for judgment. No teeth were chipped, thankfully, but Druig could tell he'd earned last place this week.

Considering how well everyone else had done so far, Druig was coming to the realization that something disastrous would have to befall one of the other bakers if he was to make it to the final next week. He didn't wish that on any of them, least of all Makkari. He'd made it this far, which was much farther than he ever expected. Even so, it was not an easy pill to swallow. Druig was still grappling with this as he waited for his next interview. Another figure took the seat next to him, breaking him out of his reverie.

"So, how are you feeling about… everything?" Phastos asked.

"I should probably save some of it for the interview," Druig began, "but to answer your question, not great."

"Right, of course. Stupid question," Phastos mumbled. "Alright, I'm not great at comforting people outside of my husband and child, so I'm just going to ask what I actually wanted to ask. Just know that you do not need to answer if you don't want to."

"Okay, then?"

Taking a deep breath, Phastos let loose his question: "What's the deal with you and Makkari this week? Did you break up or something?"

If Druig was drinking something, he would've choked on it. As he was not, he merely let out an undignified noise that sounded somewhere between a snort and gasp.

"I guess I hit the nail on the head," Phastos observed triumphantly.

"Not quite. Makkari and I aren't dating."

"Oh," Phastos said, triumph replaced with confusion. "Then what have I been watching the past few weeks?"

Druig merely raised an eyebrow at this, which spurred the other man to keep going.

"Alright, then did you have a fight or something?"

"No, we just… had a misunderstanding, but we cleared that up, so everything is fine," Druig explained carefully.

"Ah, that explains why you're so busy watching her that you burned your palmiers."

"I didn't burn them, just overbaked them."

"Whatever. My point is, and again, you don't have to answer if you don't want to-"

"You say that, but you keep asking."

"And you keep answering. My point is that I can tell something's bothering you, and I know we're not exactly close, but if you want to talk about it… I promise I won't tell anyone here. Just my husband, who's been asking me about all the bakers. Also, I'd rather not have a repeat of lunch tonight at dinner."

Druig watched him out of the corner of his eye. Phastos seemed sincere enough as he awaited his response. Druig sighed loudly before giving him an answer.

"Okay, the short version is we accidentally slept in the same bed and were both a bit embarrassed. She wants to forget about the whole thing, but I don't know if I can do that."

"Oh." Phastos lapsed into silence as he mulled this over, but it didn't last long. "And you don't want to forget because you like her."

"Hit the nail on the head that time," Druig conceded.

"Well, you should probably respect her wishes, which it seems you're already doing. But clearly, it's still eating at you, so this isn't going to be sustainable. Sounds like you need to talk to her."

"You got all that from our conversation just now?"

"That and Ben's hypotheses, which I didn't put much stock in before since he was only getting his info from me, but even from my impartial observations, he could tell that you liked her," Phastos explained. "Look, I'm not one to play matchmaker or love guru or whatever, but I really don't want to deal with more awkward group meals, so for my sake, consider telling her how you feel? Unless you think that will end up making things even more awkward. You know her better than me. Just use your best judgment, I guess."

Phastos had rushed through his last few sentences as he saw Darcy approaching. As he got up to go to his interview, Druig added, "Thanks, Phastos."

The other man gave him an emphatic nod before following Darcy.

-

It was fun to write a bit more Phastos! Hopefully he's not too OOC. Let me know how I did!

Part 32

[cataztrophi]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by: @noodyl-blasstal thanks!!

Tagging: @fandomsnstuff @duck-newton I think a lot of people have been tagged already but if you haven't pls consider this an invitation to answer these as well!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2 currently, but I plan on putting up my TAZNC work at which point I will have 15!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

4,680 right now, but that number will increase by a lot shortly since I think all my TAZNC works were between 1,000-4,000 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

TAZ, and I've got a few Owl House things in the works I hope to finish some day.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Show Me Yours, then The Thing With Feathers

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I love receiving comments and I love being able to talk a bit about what I was thinking when I wrote things.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't usually write a lot of angst, but probably this unnamed ficlet because nothing really gets resolved at the end, although it is a fairly hopeful ending.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

It's hard to pick, I write mostly things that leave a lot of possibilities open, but I'd say probably my 10th entry for TAZNC this year (man I really gotta name these things) because I think the emotional journey makes the ending more satisfying.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! I've only gotten very kind words and I'm extremely grateful for all of them.

9. Do you write smut?

Yup. Nothing I'm quite finished with yet but I have several in the works and I hope to get some posted soon

10. Do you write crossovers?

They're not really my style, but I think they are fun to think about and play around with!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, and I'm small enough right now that I think it's unlikely.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I've heard of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I did once on a previous account, unfortunately I was very bad at finishing anything at that point in my life and I hadn't gotten on ADD meds, so we didn't finish it (my fault). I'd like to co-write something at some point, but I think I'd need to have more practice with writing/finishing longer stories before I felt confident about doing it again.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Taakitz babey! Top tier meet-weird plus some truly beautiful moments, and such a great dynamic to play around with

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'm not sure I'd say "never," but there is one Taakitz fake dating fic that I would need to seriously rework in order to make it coherent. I hope to finish some version of it someday, but it certainly won't look like the current WIP.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Boy I wish I knew! Someone told me I have a "lyrical" writing style, so I'll take it! I do really like working with the flow of words. Also I wrote a lot of tender romantic scenes when I was a touch-starved closeted high schooler, and I was surprised by how easy those scenes feel to write in my current work.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a tendency to write too much lead-in and too much ending if I'm not careful, so I basically have to chop off the first and last bits of every fic. I am very bad at coming up with plots. I worry a lot about capturing characters' voices and can struggle with differentiating them. And as previously mentioned, I tend to start a lot of things and not finish them, although I think I'm improving in that regard!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'm very wary about it for myself. I could just about manage French but for anything else I'd want someone fluent to look it over for me.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Good Omens, back before the TV series came out! It was a pretty small fandom at that point, and I had to get my Aziraphale/Crowley angst out somewhere when I only knew like three people who'd read the book

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I'm really proud of my TAZNC work, but I think I'm still proudest of The Thing With Feathers because I feel like I did exactly what I wanted with it and captured everything I was hoping to.

[ladyfogg]

How did you become a ghostwriter ? 🤔 AND is it lucrative enough to support you solely ?

It was an long painful process to be honest. I will preface this by saying my experience is based on working for ONE company and I can't speak for all ghostwriting companies. I will also say I've had much better luck doing things myself and not through a ghostwriting business.

I had subscribed to a newsletter that had daily listings for freelance writers. A ghostwriting company was looking for romance writers so I applied. I was very excited to get the position.

The downside was, with this particular company, we definitely weren't paid what I thought we should be paid and the due dates/turnaround time for projects was fucking ridiculous. I'm talking about 3 weeks for a 30k word book. And you also didn't get paid if you didn't completely finish the project. Like edits and all. Not only that, clients could comment on your progress whenever, so you'd be trying to finish when they would have changes or not like what you had done so far. You also couldn't vet the clients yourself and were stuck with whoever they assigned you to.

There was also a legit romance novel formula you HAD to follow. I'm talking something that told you how many words you needed to spend on certain story beats. There was zero room for creativity.

I worked for them for about four months but was going through a very dark mental time. They were uncaring about my situation and unyielding on their due date. Basically the manager/owner was starting to be rude to me. Even though I was working on TWO books at the same time, three of them for a brief period. I had to leave mid project because I was having a legit mental breakdown. And no, I was not paid for either project.

HOWEVER, through that madness something good came out of it. One of the clients, one I had only gotten halfway through their book, tracked me down through my personal website and reached out. She said she loved what I had done and was sad to see me go. The company flat out lied and told her I had taken a full time job somewhere else. But she said that if I was ever interested I had a job with her whenever I wanted.

I outright told her the legit reason why I left and also apologized for not finishing her project as that's not the way I operate. She was super understanding and her offer still was standing and could be taken whenever. A few months later, I accepted and I've been writing exclusively for her ever since. Which is about four years now.

Because I'm in charge, I can negotiate WAY more pay. Not only that, my policy is that I charge for the full amount upfront and any additional words once the project is complete. I now make double per book than I made at the company writing three books. And she gives me bonuses and a certain amount of creative freedom.

As far as being lucrative, I believe it can be. I personally just don't have the time right now to write as much during the day as I'd like. But even so, she loves my work and has actually increased the word count per project because we both know I can handle it. We started at a minimum of 30k words and now, the last two books I wrote for her have been over 90k words.

As long as she is kept up to date on progress, she's totally fine. Any due dates are "rough" estimates and from the beginning she made it clear that my health comes first. I really lucked out with her. And she's the reason I tell writers to always make a personal website. You never know.

[drac-onion]

Back at it again. A year since I posted Beneath Her Mask. Same thing as last time. Fun facts or just looking back at something I done did write once upon a time exactly a year ago.

This is going to be very "stream of consciousness" and probably hard to read, but here goes.

First off, wow that title sucks. I came up with it like right before posting and then rolled with it. Nowadays I would put off uploading something for MONTHS if I couldn't figure out an original and interesting title. Oops.

Anyway, this one is a lot better than the last one. Promise. The whole thing is a little bit iffy still, but I was very new. The formatting is the main issue I have with. The concept is...fine, although I think I could have gone a little bit further with and then lead into where this one starts. Ya know, inform the reader as to the situation that lead to Makoto's desire to keep everything to herself? But I kinda made it ambiguous on purpose. Good thing I didn't have to follow up on this a few months later... Oh wait. The stakes were just: awkward. No gay panic (like the tags say, oops), no internalized anything, no worries over team cohesion with members of the PTs dating, none of that. If I would ever go back and rewrite this (don't fucking tempt me) I would definitely expand on things a lot more. But hey, I probably shouldn't try and go back and fix all my old stuff. I'd never get anything done otherwise.

Oh yeah, Makoto's "113 decibel alarm clock" is a real thing. I actually have one. I sleep through every other alarm clock out there. The thing is so good, it will actually scare you awake. Pretty nice. (If probably a little too loud for apartment living in Japan where the walls are very thin.)

Oh yeah, and the tense a few times. Annoying.

I dunno why I made it three chapters. It's just over 3.5k words. That would have been fine to keep as a single chapter one-shot, but I think I just had a hard time with having scenes switch mid-chapter. Chapters are a good way to signal a scene switch, but nowadays I'll just use a line break and go with it. I've just improved as a writer, I think, and so now my old mistakes bug the shit out of me.

If I named all the issues I had, I'd be here all day. So, what did I get right with this? I think the concept is alright. The dialogue is good at points. The scene in Leblanc is pretty good. Good guy Sojiro being cool with lesbians (very cool of him). And the text convos at the end are also pretty okay. The "out of your league" comment still gets me for some reason. It's kinda funny.

Also I made a custom dialogue option for Akira, referencing the very first thing he says at the beginning of the story. I think it turned out okay. (I'd like to do more art/edits relevant to my writing. I've thought about making cover/chapter art for my current project. I guess we'll see how I'm feeling. A little wattpad-y of me, but it'd be interesting.)

I'm just now realizing that I should've made the "third option" a little cheeky. Maybe something like "Come here often?" or whatever. Ah well. Next time.

So, overall? It's an improvement. It's not perfect, but it was the second thing I'd ever written. (Once again, I don't count the RE one. I should probably anon it tbh.)

Anyway, that was something. The next "retrospective" (I guess that's what these are now) will be on Beneath Their Masks.

That one is a doozy, and I think I'm going to have a decent amount to say about it. It's also really long, so that's also a thing I'm gonna have to worry about. I'll probably do that on 10/1 because that's when I posted the first chapter. Maybe I'll have enough time to write up mini retrospectives for each chapter? And then post those throughout October? That could be interesting. And tiring. But still, interesting. I could pull the original upload dates since I made a tumblr in between ACIFT and BHM. Although those are going to be VERY spaced out, especially near the end. So much for doing a month's worth of prompts WITHIN the month. But I'll save all my whining for when those go up.

Also, shoutouts again to my beta at the time, @makomaki5. I hope you're doing well.

Anyway, I think that's about it. See ya.

[liacontilde]

TXT - The Fanfic: CHAPTER 7

The next day, I couldn't meet Soobin until late in the afternoon. The whole family was very busy preparing their luggage and getting the house ready to withstand a year without being visited. I was desperate all day to finally meet him.

I had been very secretive with my parents about Soobin. It had been a long time since my mother had stopped making her uncomfortable comments. More or less since I had my first period. However, for the first time in all that time, I missed her characteristic curiosity.

At that moment, whatever I had with Soobin was already a reality. He had been my first kiss, and I had even sneaked out of the house in the middle of the night for him.

The idea of telling her about these things felt incredibly uncomfortable, and at other times in my life, I would have described it as undesirable. But what I was feeling would haunt me until Soobin returned, and I knew that if I explained my situation to her, my mother would be able to understand me more and treat me according to my feelings.

We were together in the kitchen, preparing something to eat. I was still pensive and silent. Finally, after much deliberation, I approached her and began to speak in a low voice.

"Mum… There's something I'd like to talk to you about…" I said very slowly.

My mother smiled and answered without lifting her gaze from the pot.

"Tell me, what's on your mind?" she asked calmly.

"Last night, when we were coming back from Kai's party…" I paused again, swallowing and taking a breath. "Soobin and I… kissed."

I looked down and squeezed my eyes shut, expecting the worst possible response. However, my expression relaxed when I heard my mother burst into laughter.

"Really? I thought that would have happened a long time ago."

"What are you talking about?" I responded, surprised. "When?"

"Lía, you've been friends with Soobin for a long time, and honestly, I've never seen you treat anyone with as much affection as you've always treated him," she paused. "Not even Kai."

"Yeah, but you said it: friends, " I retorted, annoyed by my mother's assumptions.

"You're always with him, and I don't spy on you. I don't know what you do or don't do behind my back. Since you don't let me ask about your private life anymore... you handle your things, and I handle mine," she justified herself with dignity.

I was truly shocked. Had my mother decided not to meddle in my affairs voluntarily? And all this thinking I was already dating Soobin? I was surprised.

"Well, I didn't come to argue about this," I said firmly. "I wanted to tell you because Soobin is leaving tomorrow and has decided not to ask me out until he returns."

My mother adopted my serious tone and continued the conversation.

"Well, I think that's very sensible on his part. This way, you both can focus more on your things. Especially him on his studies. I've heard that in Korea, they are more demanding than here."

My mother looked at me but saw a discontented expression. She realized that wasn't the kind of support I needed at that moment. It was hard for me to open my heart to her, and on top of that, I felt a knot forming in my throat.

She quickly understood. She wiped her hands with a cloth and ran to hug me. At that moment, I broke down. I started crying desperately, and we hugged tightly. I had so many things I wanted to express inside. But they were things I wanted to tell Soobin, not my mother. Despite my lack of verbal expression, she had enough words to understand everything brewing in my head, so she knew how to comfort me.

"I'm convinced that Soobin likes you a lot. For quite some time, too." She stroked my hair as she spoke and then stepped back, placing her hands firmly on my shoulders and looking me straight in the eye. "A year may seem like a long time, but a lifetime of friendship won't be lost in such a short time. Much less the feelings you've developed for each other."

I listened to my mother, trying to stop crying, organizing my thoughts and feelings. She placed her hand over my heart and lowered her tone.

"Love is very powerful, Lía. If there are no bad actions, if it isn't hurt, it can survive longer than life itself. Keep this in mind while he's away, and remember: I'm here for you, no matter what."

My mother smiled at me in the sweetest way she ever had. Her words felt heavy on me and sank deep within, causing me to let out one last sob before calming down.

She said nothing more. She smiled at me once more and went back to work. I continued chopping vegetables beside her in silence.

After lunch, I went to my room. I considered taking a nap since I was a bit tired from the lost sleep that night. Despite this, I didn't want to sleep because I was too focused on the house across the street, waiting to see some movement.

Hours passed, and finally, the door opened. Just then, I saw Soobin running towards my house as if his life depended on it. He was so fast that he knocked on the door before I could finish coming down the stairs.

I hurriedly opened it. Both of us were out of breath from the rush. I couldn't help but look him up and down because, for the first time ever, he looked a bit disheveled.

Suddenly, my mother's voice sounded behind me.

"Hello, Soobin."

"Hello, ma'am," Soobin replied with a smile and a small bow, still catching his breath.

"Would you like to come in?" my mother asked kindly.

I think we were both surprised by this question. It was still unusual for my mother to let anyone in, not even Soobin, except on special occasions. Finally, he agreed and entered. Then, she continued talking to him.

"Do you have everything ready to go?"

"Yes. It's not like we're not coming back, so there are a lot of things we'll leave here. It really lightens the load not having to move everything as if it were a complete move," he explained.

While they talked, I looked around, searching for a comfortable yet private place where Soobin and I could stay, but my father was in the living room reading a newspaper, which automatically ruled out that option.

"Well, I'll leave you two alone. You must have a lot to talk about before the trip," my mother finally said, giving Soobin a gentle pat on the shoulder.

I was about to protest for not having a comfortable place to clear things up with him when, suddenly, my mother seemed to read my thoughts and suggested.

"Why don't you go up to your room? You'll be more comfortable there."

I was stunned. Never, ever had any guest gone up the stairs of my house, as the upper floor only had the bedrooms and a bathroom.

Soobin and I looked at each other, and then I simply nodded silently, guiding him upstairs to the most secluded parts of my small home.

As soon as he crossed the threshold of my room, he looked around, silently analyzing every detail of my sanctuary. However, when he stepped inside, he walked straight to my bookshelf and picked up the dictionary he gave me for my eighth birthday.

"You still have it," he said in a sweet voice.

"How could I not? I'd never get rid of it," I affirmed.

Soobin put the dictionary back in its place and turned towards me with the same playful smile he had the night before.

"고양이," he said, approaching me. "That was the first time I heard you speak Korean."

"Cat…" I murmured. "You still remember?" I said, surprised.

"Of course!" he laughed.

I paused for a second and then countered.

"귀여워," I said, also moving closer to him.

Soobin's expression turned confused, and his ears flushed a few shades of red.

"It's something you've said to me many times, I know." I gave him a mischievous smile. "But I knew what it meant from the first time." I laughed, perhaps trying to intimidate him.

"Why didn't you say anything then?" he complained.

"Because I knew it would embarrass you. And me too," I protested.

We stood facing each other, trying to keep serious expressions, but we couldn't. Within seconds, we burst into laughter. We spent the next few minutes reminiscing about times we pretended not to understand things when Soobin still didn't speak English well, and conversely, moments when we pretended to understand without knowing what the other had said.

I was amazed that Soobin remembered all those moments, especially since most of them happened over five years ago.

I let myself fall onto the bed, burying my head in the pillow and trying to hide my blushing cheeks from the revelation of the truth. Soobin sat beside me, still a bit uncomfortable with the feeling of intruding into my space.

Once I regained some composure, I turned to him, giving him a half-smile that somewhat masked my intention to change the topic.

"Did you manage to sleep after all?" I began.

"Yes, I did," he said with a sigh. "Not for long, but seeing you last night calmed me down. You really helped me," he revealed calmly.

"I'm glad! I was worried about you," I said, sitting up a bit.

"I've had a very busy day… You might have noticed from my appearance…" he said, pointing to the obvious.

"It doesn't matter. Rest now," I invited, patting the empty space on the bed next to me.

Soobin carefully reclined on the bed, and I settled back down. We got comfortable and faced each other.

For a few moments, we said nothing. We both smiled sweetly at each other as we adjusted to the sensation. Suddenly, he raised his hand, making a gesture for me to give him mine. I did, and we intertwined our fingers.

"Lía…" he whispered my name.

"Yes?"

"Te amo," he said in perfect Spanish.

"Soobin!" I exclaimed, surprised. "How? "

He made a calming gesture for me to lower my voice. Then, he caressed my cheek and gave me a small but warm kiss.

"Yo también te amo," I finally replied, blushing a bit more as I said it and feeling my heart race.

Soobin hugged me and pulled me close to his chest. I could hear his heartbeat as strong as my own. Somehow, the gentle thumps against his chest relaxed me, so I closed my eyes and stayed there, in his arms, enjoying his company.

He kissed my forehead and settled in with me. The sun was setting on the horizon, and from where we were, we could see it through the window that overlooked backyard.

"It's so magical…" he whispered.

"Only next to you," I replied, snuggling closer to him.

"When I'm in Korea and you see the sunset here, think of it as me possibly seeing the sunrise."

"In that case, we'll always have the sun," I said. "I'll think of you every time I see the sunset."

"In case you don't, I'll write to you. Whenever I can, I will. I'll tell you everything I experience there."

"I'll do the same," I said, gently stroking his arm. "We'll make this work."

"Of course! It will work. I promise," he said, searching for my gaze.

He leaned in and kissed me again. He started with soft kisses, which soon intensified. Our kisses were somewhat awkward due to our inexperience, but that didn't make them any less passionate. Soobin soon wanted to experiment and play a bit more.

He shifted slightly and leaned over me, letting some of his weight rest on my chest. He slid his hands down the sides of my body until they settled on my waist. I responded by stroking his face, his hair, his neck, and his shoulders.

At my touch, he broke the kiss, planting a kiss on my cheek and continuing down to my neck. I felt a small bite, and my skin tingled. He pulled back a little.

"Sorry, did I hurt you?" he asked, worried.

I quickly shook my head. He hadn't hurt me at all. Quite the opposite. I had actually enjoyed it quite a bit. Wanting him to understand how I felt, I pulled him closer and bit his neck in the same way he had, causing him to flinch slightly and let out a soft laugh.

"It tickles," he declared, rubbing his neck a bit. "Does it bother you?"

"Not at all," I replied with a smile.

"Me neither," he said, moving his hand away from his neck.

I sat up on the bed and looked at him a bit seriously. I couldn't help but feel some doubts about what was happening.

"Do you think this is okay?" I asked, a bit unsure.

"Yes," he affirmed quickly. "We're just kissing. There's nothing wrong with it," he calmed me by stroking my arm. "Do you want us to stop?" he tried to ensure.

However, I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him with me as I lay back down on the bed. Soobin smiled at me and kissed me gently again. Soon, the kisses grew more passionate, and our hands roamed each other's bodies, unsure where to settle.

We stayed like that for over fifteen minutes as the sun set on the horizon. With a few last gentle kisses, we wrapped up the affectionate moment we had just shared.

Once again, we lay on the bed. Without saying anything and slightly sweaty from the intensity of our actions. I looked at the ceiling and was overwhelmed by a profound sense of peace.

Soobin was incredibly sweet and made me feel cared for at all times, even when he was being playful. He always sought my approval with every little movement, which made me realize how much I meant to him. While he had expressed part of his feelings, there were certain things that didn't need to be put into words.

"You're incredibly sweet," I whispered.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean, perhaps one of the things that made me fall for you is the way you treat me. With you, I feel protected and safe, and I'm not afraid to let myself go."

"Well, I feel exactly the same way about you," he declared, pausing. "You mentioned one thing. What else makes you fall for me?" he asked with a mischievous laugh.

I laughed and took a deep breath. After thinking for a moment while staring at the ceiling, I replied.

"I don't know if this is something that made me fall in love with you, but… you know you're very handsome, right?" I laughed, covering my face out of embarrassment.

"What am I supposed to say to that?" he laughed with me. "In my defense, I'll say that you're beautiful too," he tried to shift back to a softer, more intimate tone. "You have the most lively eyes I've ever seen, and your smile would light up even the darkest room. Sometimes I'm left speechless just by looking at you."

"That can't be true, you're making it up," I tried to contradict him.

"Do you think so?" He crossed his arms. "How many times, while we were with our friends, did you try to talk to me and catch me absent-minded? What do you think I was thinking about?" he asked, looking serious.

"Puppies?" I guessed completely wrongly.

"No. I was thinking about something much more beautiful than puppies. I was simply thinking about you. And I didn't realize I was doing it until you'd pull me out of my thoughts," he said, looking at me and pausing. "If it worries you, you can rest easy. It's not just your beauty that has made me fall for you."

We stayed silent for a few seconds, and suddenly, the door knocked but didn't open. Instead, my mother's voice came from the other side.

"Soobin, your mother has come to pick you up."

Soobin quickly got up from the bed and opened the door, revealing my mother with a smile on the other side.

"Relax, young man. There's no rush. Your mother agreed to let you stay here for dinner. I'll let you know later," she said, turning around and heading downstairs.

Soobin turned to me. I was still sitting on the bed, looking disheveled from the pillow and sweat on my forehead. In fact, he looked even worse than I did. He had arrived looking quite untidy, and now he looked even more so.

We looked at each other, realizing we were both in pretty suspicious looks. Soobin's hair was pushed back, a result of my hands running through it. He had never worn his hair like that before. Combined with our slightly swollen and reddened lips, it dawned on us that my mother had probably noticed what had happened.

He sat down embarrassed next to me on the bed. I couldn't help it. I started laughing and rested my head on his shoulder, making him calm down and laugh with me.

A few minutes later, my mother called us for dinner. Before heading downstairs, we washed our faces and tidied our hair a bit, as we didn't want to spend the entire dinner looking like that.

Dinner was quiet. My parents asked Soobin about his plans while he was in Korea and when he would return, and I just ate while enjoying the relaxed atmosphere.

When dinner was over, my parents said their goodbyes to Soobin, and I went outside with him, heading to his garden and sitting under the usual tree.

"What time will you leave tomorrow?" I began.

"Quite early. The car will pick us up at 7:30," he sighed. "Please, don't come out to say goodbye tomorrow or it will be even harder."

"Alright. I won't," I said, taking Soobin's hand.

We sat in silence for a long time. Our thoughts intrusively flowed through our minds, making us hold back tears several times.

"I'm already looking forward to your return, Soobin."

"So am I… Let's look at it this way: it's less than a year now," he tried to be positive.

"I'd like to say goodbye to your parents if possible."

"Of course! Let's go, they'll be going to bed soon.

Soobin got up and ran to his house, making his parents come out to the front. I greeted them with a formal bow. Over the past seven years, I had become quite familiar with them, especially with Mrs. Choi, who had almost become like a second mother to me.

"I hope you have a good trip and enjoy your family's company," I said with a kind smile.

Both of their expressions softened at my words.

"Don't worry, Lía, we will," Mr. Choi said, placing a hand on his wife's shoulder.

"Soobin will be sad without you," Mrs. Choi continued. Although her English had improved a lot, she still had a strong accent. "He thinks very highly of you."

"We'll be back soon," Mr. Choi added. "As soon as the classes are over, we'll return. But it's important to enjoy family time. I'll have another grandchild soon, and I'm getting older. If I don't see him now, who knows?" he lamented.

Mrs. Choi said something in Korean to her husband, and despite her serious expression, he laughed.

"She says she's not that old," he translated.

"We're glad you came to say goodbye," she continued.

Just then, she opened her arms, inviting me to hug her. I moved towards her and did so. It was a very maternal and warm hug. Afterward, Mr. Choi gently patted my head as a farewell gesture.

Then, both of them looked at Soobin and said something in Korean. After that, they waved goodbye to me one more time and went back inside the house.

"They're going to bed. It's getting late," he said, with his hands in his pockets.

"Let's try to make this as undramatic as possible," I asked him.

"I agree," he said, moving closer to me.

"I'll leave with a better taste in my mouth if I see you leave with a smile," I declared.

"I'll leave with a better taste in my mouth if I kiss you right now," he said, taking my chin and stealing a small peck.

I pretended to be upset by his actions and quickly moved closer to him, wrapping my arms around him and kissing him more passionately.

"I'll keep this memory for the trip," he smiled at me.

"That sounds good," I replied.

He opened his arms as wide as he could and hugged me tightly. "Say goodbye to me as if we were going to see each other tomorrow," he whispered.

I nodded silently. I gave him one last kiss before pulling away, and as we started walking in opposite directions, I turned around and said with apparent cheerfulness.

"See you later!"

He smiled sweetly at me and waved goodbye. I then walked back to my house, closing the door quickly behind me.

My mother seemed to have been waiting for me, as she greeted me directly and hugged me before I could say anything. Honestly, I was glad she did, as I had been prepared to cry until the next morning, but her action somewhat cleared my mind. I calmed down in her embrace and then she took me to the kitchen, where she had made some warm milk with chocolate.

We enjoyed it together in silence, and then she accompanied me to my room, kissing me on the forehead before saying goodbye.

I got ready for bed, and when I climbed into it, Soobin's scent enveloped me, reminding me of everything we had experienced that day.

"There are no sad memories," I thought to myself and smiled. "Everything has been fine."

I felt relieved. We had managed not to fall into the temptation of making a drama out of the situation, which made me remember all the moments with Soobin from that day with joy.

I took a deep breath into my pillow, savoring all the nuances of Soobin's scent. I calmed down instantly and fell asleep almost immediately, with the sweetest thoughts.

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rant incoming because i am. so tired.

so. my best friend has had this crush on another girl from our high school friend group since forever. she told her about it like 2 years ago, not for them to start dating, just so she knew. no expectations no nothing. a few weeks ago they talked about it all again because the other girl had been saying some things and acting in a way that were upsetting to my friend. to no one's surprise, she likes my friend back. they agreed to stay friends tho

thing is, every time we met up before, be it us three or all five of us, it was pretty plain there was something going on in there. me and the other two guys had very third wheeling vibes on us.

after they talked this last time, it's gotten downright unbearable. if we hang all together it's just them two in their little bubble and count yourself lucky if they remember there's more people around.

I'm not very close to the two guys, and I don't particularly like the other girl either. so I've been declining to hang up with them all as a group more and more. I don't particularly like hanging out with more than one person at a time anyways, and I'm not gonna make the effort to be uncomfortable and sad because I can't even have one conversation with my friend

now, onto why I am. so tired.

the other girl wanted to go to a museum/exhibition/zoo in the city. they decided to go. I wasn't, at first, because I knew what it would be like. but then the other girl was like "no, you passed on coming last time we hung up, it's been so long since I've seen you!" and my friend told me that she wanted me to come because "we would have fun" and "it wouldn't be the same without me"

so I said I'd go. and if what I thought was going to happen, were to happen I could just be my little autistic self and wander around drawing animal skulls and turtles fighting

and yeah. it was as bad as I thought it'd be. on the bus they talked just them two, as we walked there, more of the same. as soon as we got in they both went off and left us three behind. if my friend by some miracle found me, the other girl would drag her away to look at something she wanted to look at, and even if my friend complained about it, she didn't struggle against being walked away

okay. well. can't say I'm surprised. I filled 4 pages of my sketchbook and talked to a polish family for a while (one of their kids saw me drawing and i showed him what I'd done. he then asked his mom for a notebook and pen and started drawing the fish and turtles I was also drawing. that little kid made the day worth it, ngl).

then we had lunch on a park. and yeah, more of the same. we almost missed the bus back because of them too. (and of course on the actual bus it was much the same as the whole day had been. worse even. I tried to drown the sound of their talking with my headphones and was half successful)

and it's like. look. date or don't, I couldn't care less, but if we hang up as a friend group, we hang as a friend group. it was just so uncomfortable when we were all together because it would be them two aggressively cuddling or hugging or holding hands and saying veiled comments to each other and just. deeply uncomfortable. third wheeling to the fucking top

and somehow. somehow. this wasn't the worst. I said at the beginning that I don't particularly like the other girl. I have some reasons which are a me problem, her personality just doesn't agree much with mine. fine, I'll live

but then I have other reasons, mainly that since forever she has been playing cat and mouse with one of the other guys (who very obviously likes her). she'll flirt and say things to him. and the poor guy tries and tries but it's a lost cause and we all seem to know it except him. but then, for the past two years, she has been doing the same to my friend. she'd flirt, or say things, or do things, that were obviously done in not a platonic way. (which upset my friend because she'd told her how she felt about her, and the other girl kept on playing with both my friend's feelings and the guy's). has she stopped? not at fucking all, with either of them

my friend and the guy can barely hold a conversation now without one of them provoking the other with annoying or veiled comments. for the guy it's embarrassing, and my friend is honestly behaving like a little shit (derrogatory)

there's no actual conclusion to this thing. im just tired of it all. as if friendships weren't complicated enough already now we gotta deal with this mess too. needless to say, I won't be saying yes to hang out as a group for a while, and certainly not for a whole fucking day

worst thing is, I think, that they both don't even realize what they are doing (to the guy, yes, I mean to me and the other guy). because the other girl hugged me goodbye and told me to hang up with them again (bestie you barely exchanged two words with me today), and my friend did say "it wouldn't be the same without me" but girl you didn't even bother to talk to me

they two probably had a great time, and like, good for them. just next time maybe don't drag the rest of us on your date