#I was looking through all of just nick's work because I'm trying to find a specific song

[swampthing07]

WHEN THE CONNECTIONS YOU WERE MAKING IN YOUR MIND ACTUALLY WERE SOMETHING

[bluetimeombre]

・❥ 'Are you Hugh down under?' p2

You and Hugh were the stars of the biggest movie, Wolverine and Ladypool, and fans love the two of you.

[Here's p2, thank you for loving the last one and being as obsessed as I am. I hope i got everyone on the tag list and the second part to Ladypool and Wolverine is on its way. Again this isn't proof read, this is just vibes. There's some sexual innuendos and sexist comments that Hugh is at the rescue for. Also, i'm British so half of these interviews just end up being British icons]

part one

You and Hugh being in love for twenty-five minutes (part two)

2017, Y/N heart monitor

You were doing an interview for your latest movie with Nick Grimshaw on BBC radio one. It was a new thing he'd come up with, trying it with you for the first time as you were hooked up to a heart rate monitor.

'Is it working?' asked Nick. 'Is she alive?'

You help him put the stickers onto you. 'It's like, there's nothing there,' you joke with them.

'She's a robot.'

The beeping began and it found your heart beating at a steady pace, a good start.

'So, I'm going to show you a series of images and we're just gonna see how you react to these images, ok?' he asked.

You grin, nerves kicking in. 'Ok.' It could have been anything. And boy were you right.

Some of them were fine, easy, normal. A picture of a co-star the heart rate was fine, a pair of shoes that you wore a lot, a picture of cash and an ex that had it risen but not alarmingly.

'And finally,' Nick picked up an image. 'Hugh Jackman! How does he make you feel?'

Your cheeks go red and you laugh. 'I hate you all so much, um, Hugh Jackman?' you were too busy laughing. Once you had made a joke about Wolverine and how good looking he was, now it was following you everywhere.

'Heartbeats rising!' Nick cheered as you covered your face. 'Heartbeats the highest it's ever been, eighty-five, up to ninety! One hundred!' he claps.

You bang your head on the table, finally finding control over yourself. 'I can't believe you all.'

Nick slid the picture over to you. 'Here, you can take that one home with you.'

'Thanks. He looks great there, doesn't he?' you say. 'A classic, Hugh Jackman picture.'

'Yeah, you like it?' he teased.

You grinned. 'That's going on my wall when I get home.'

The Graham Norton show

You and Hugh had walked out, waving at the adorning crowd that cheered as you took the sofa.

‘Hello! Hello!’ Graham called.

The two of you looked the pair as you smiled and sat next to each other in spite of the space on the sofa.

‘Sofa to ourselves, i like that,’ you say, lying back.

‘The other guests were too intimidated,’ said Graham. ‘Now, was the walk out ok for you guys, Hugh, are you happy?’ He asked.

Hugh frowned. The crowd laughed. ‘It was very good, thank you.’

‘Because, is it true- and Y/N correct me if I’m wrong, you had a specific song you walked out onto set with?’ He asked.

Immediately knowing what he was talking about, you laugh while Hugh hangs his head and sighs.

You sat straight and took to explaining while patting his back. ‘You see, it’s very tough for Hugh to get into character as Wolverine sometimes. So the only way was to get him out the trailer was to play a specific song.’

‘Ok, ok so shall we do it again, this time with the song?’ Graham proposed. He ushered you both backstage, Hugh squeezing your shoulders as you went.

‘Whatta a man’ by salt and pepper started playing and you led the way out for Hugh who danced his way out. The crowd clapped along as Hugh shows his moves and ended with dipping.

‘Oh wonderful!’ Graham called as the two of you took your seats again.

For the rest of the interview thing went very smoothly.

‘Now is is true that the first time you met, Hugh, you didn’t actually meet Y/N?’

Hugh again huffed and shook his head. ‘This show is all to embarrass me, isn’t it?’

‘Makes a change honestly,’ you say.

Hugh looked back to you and started to tell the story. Through out, his body had moved toward you, his entire presence facing you despite talking out to everyone. ‘When I first walked on set, you know, at the ready, I was very excited to be there and even more excited to meet this wonderful lady here. And I got suited up, you know, went to hair and makeup and one of our first shots was quite a challenging one, a big stunt.’

‘Big,’ you agreed, taking a sip of your drink. You knew where the story was going.

‘Yea, so anyway, I walk over to Y/N whose already in her suit. Looks great by the way. Anyway so I start introducing myself and saying hello and how thankful I am for being here, a real heart to heart you know-‘ he says, ‘and then Y/N walked in and i realized I’d been speaking to her stunt double the whole time- whole time!’

The crowd laugh as do you, almost choking on your drink.

Wolverine and Ladypool press:

You and Hugh sat with each other all day doing press. You kept it light with jokes between the two of you, working through the people and questions.

One particular interviewer just had to get his answers though. ‘So your suit,’ he starts, looking to you. ‘It’s very tight and eventuated several parts of you, did you find that hard to manoeuvre around?’

Hugh answered before you had the chance to open your mouth. ‘I found it very easy to move around in. You know, first x-men movie, not so much but these suits, are perfect.’

The guy chuckled, it was clearly forced but you thanked Hugh for taking the question, patting his knee. ‘Can you wear like panties with them or thongs, cause they are skin tight.’

‘I’ll take this one!’ Said Hugh again. ‘I go commando, but that’s just because I like it.’

‘He does, he does like it,’ you nod, grinning. ‘He’s going commando right now actually.’

The guy tried one more time to ask you a question about the suit. At this rate, your entire body turned to face Hugh. ‘Do you feel sexy in the suit?’ He asked you.

‘Very,’ said Hugh.

After that, Hugh made several vulgar comments when you were alone, but luckily for you, Hugh was your own superhero.

Buzzfeed quiz

'Hello!' you greet the camera, holding your phone to your chest. 'I'm something-something Jackman.'

'And i'm the greatest actress of all time,' said Hugh.

You deflated, looking at him. 'Oh, well now I just look like a dick.'

'No, it's ok,' he shrugged. 'One of us has to look like a dick.'

The two of you were doing quizzes for Buzzfeed, answering if you're more Ladypool or Wolverine. Although you were sat next to each other, you'd both craned your bodies back so the other couldn't see what you were putting in, like it was a test.

'We're really competitive with each other,' Hugh told the crew.

'Yeah, not with anybody else, but I have to- I just have to prove i'm better than Hugh Jackman at something,' you said.

'Who are you hoping to get?' asked the lady behind the camera.

'Oh, Ladypool, obviously,' you said.

Hugh nodded along, watching you. (Did this man ever not look at you?) 'I wouldn't be angry about getting Ladypool either.'

You tut. 'So quick to betray yourself.'

If you could have a super power, what would you chose?

You read through the options. 'I think telekinesis,' you said. 'Mainly just because I'm lazy and it would be so easy to pick up the tv remote or close the curtains. Very practical.'

'Yeah, that's a good one,' Hugh hummed about it for longer. 'Maybe healing ability.'

You roll your eyes, throwing your head back. 'That's such a Wolverine answer!'

'I know, but I'm getting old, be nice for things to not hurt a lot,' he said.

Who's your favourite MCU character?

Hugh scanned the options. 'I er, don't see Wolverine on here?' he looked around at the crew behind the camera's shaking his head.

'Can't get the staff these days- oh my god Spider-Man's on here!' you cheered, distracted.

'She loves Spider-Man,' Hugh told the camera.

'I do. I really do,' you agreed. 'If it wasn't gonna be Wolvie, it was gonna be Spidey,' you look into the camera, holding your phone to your ear, mimicking for Andrew Garfield to call you.

Hugh dragged his finger of his neck in a cutting off motion if he ever did.

Who do you pick to be your road-trip buddy?

'You have to pick the Wolverine, c'mon,' Hugh nudged you.

You looked through the options which all considered x-men. You hesitated, humming. 'I dunno.'

'We had great fun in the car!'

A red blush took over your cheeks as you re-called the multiple, multiple takes you and Hugh had to do. Hugh saw this and draped his arm over the back of your chair.

'Yeah, but that was- that was different, this is a roadtrip not a porn video in a car,' you joked. 'And Wolverine's like so serious, Rogue, she's so fun.'

'Woah, woah,' Hugh paused everything. 'Rogue is great, don't get me wrong. But who's better!' he pointed at himself. 'Wolverine's not grumpy with you, he loves you!'

You look over at him, grinning sweetly. 'No, you love me and it's judging your character.' For five minutes, the two of you argued over who you'd rather have as a road-trip buddy. Most of it got sped up during the video. 'Ok, fine, I pick Wolverine. Who are you picking?'

'Charles,' said Hugh even though Ladypool was on the list.

You faced the camera, mouth hung open as Hugh laughed loudly and gave you a side hug, assuring you it was a joke but he still clicked on Charles!

Which musical number would you want to perform with your 'Wolverine and Ladypool' cast mate?

'Oh, some great choices!' boasted Hugh as he read through them all.

You smile at him, eyes softening. 'You've awakened the musical theatre beast.'

'Y/n, there's so many good choices! What do we pick?!' he grabbed your hand and squeezed as you watched him with joy.

There was a few choices: 'Love is an Open Door,' from Frozen, 'The other side,' which Hugh obviously did for The Greatest showman. But there was also 'The Love Melody' from Moulin Rouge and 'You're the one that I want,' from Grease and when you both saw that you gave each other a look and knew which one you were picking.

By the end when your results came up you cheered and punched the air, practically jumping out you seat. 'Ladypool! God, this felt like my audition for the character all over again,' you wipe pretend sweat from your brows. 'What did you get?'

Hugh showed you his phone. 'Ladypool! I got Ladypool!'

'We're so alike!' you entwined your fingers. Slowly and dramatically the two of you leant in, pretending you were going in for what would have been a very wet kiss before you both pulled back and explained your answers.

You and Hugh with Alison Hammond again!

The interview with the two of you and Alison Hammond was pretty much the two of you flirting and Alison fangirling. Fans couldn't stop editing it together.

'Ok so obviously there's been a lot of competition between the two of you, so we need to settle who's better once and for all,' said Alison. 'So i've got a series of challenges for the two of you to complete but there's a twist.'

'We're naked!' said Hugh causing you to laugh. 'No, sorry.'

Alison handed you both each a boxing glove. 'I want you to put one on each and sign your autographs, which ever is close wins the point.'

'You're on, Jackman,' you said, already sliding your hand into the boxing glove.

Hugh gave you a cocky smile. 'I am so gonna win this, you know why? Cause you've given me a right boxing glove, but i'm left-handed!' he quickly got to scribbling his autograph.

'Fuck!' you cursed, struggling with your own. (It was bleeped out on this morning).

When you handed them both back to Alison it was obvious who the winner was. 'Thanks for this guys, it'll do numbers on Ebay.'

The two of you practically topple on each other with how hard you laugh.

Next you had to try to open a bottle of water with your gloves on and pour it into glasses and try drinking from it, both of which you failed at. Then the two of you just started fighting each other so Alison called it off like she was your teacher in a rowdy class.

'So, as I am a morning presenter, I thought I'd see how good the two of you would be if you had your own Hugh and Y/N morning show- so here's some guards, scoot closer, scoot closer,' said Alison.

The two of you took the cards and moved your chairs together until your thighs were pressed together. You waited for your cue before the two of you began your audition for your own morning show.

Hugh threw his arm around your shoulder, drawing you in.

'No, Hugh,' you denied, 'we must be professional on tv!'

Alison cackled. 'Yeah, you wouldn't do that on tv.'

Hugh looked offended at the both of you. 'We're re-defining what it means!'

You push him off you and hit him with your cards.

Hugh assesses the camera. 'Where's the shot? Above our chests, perfect, so I can do this.' And he puts his hand on your thigh, sprawling it out as you bite your lip to stop the grin.

'I'm taking this audition seriously, Hugh!'

Finally, the two of you start, acting as if it was a real morning show while Alison gave you pointers.

'Did you have a good weekend?' Hugh asked you (in reality all your weekends had been spent in his company) 'What did you get up to?'

You shrug. 'Nothing much.'

'No,' he interrupted causing you and Alison to laugh. 'When I ask a generic how was your weekend, you have to tell me a great funny story that we've set up before. So, Y/N, what did you do on your weekend?'

'I went fishing,' you said the first thing that popped into your head.

'Did you fall in?' he asked.

'I fell in.'

'That's hilarious!' the way he said it and the way he looked into the camera, caring about it just made you laugh so bad. 'Don't go anywhere, we'll see you after the break!' you were still laughing when Hugh wrapped his arms around you and nuzzled into your neck, making kissing noises and hiding behind the cards.

Even more at the premier

You and Hugh stood next to each other, him keeping an arm around your waist as you both listened to the interviewer ask you questions.

'So, Y/N, we found this interview from 2017 and we thought Hugh might like to take a look at it,' they said, pulling out their phone and clicking on a video.

As soon as it started playing, you knew what it was. 'Oh god.' you hid yourself, turning to Hugh as he watched.

It was the famous heart-rate monitor interview, where, when you saw a picture of a shirtless Hugh Jackman, your heart-rate spiked higher than any other picture.

Hugh was smiling the whole time and beamed at you when the video finished. 'You have that effect on me,' he assured you, leaning his head on top of yours and smiling at the interviewer.

'Y/N, do you still feel that way when you look at him now?' they asked.

'More,' you said, speaking loudly over all the noise. 'I feel it ten times more.'

And fans, anyone, could see how much the two of you were in love. Whether it was just flirting or if it was real, it was there and everyone was happy for you.

As the two of you walked off, the camera followed you. Hugh's head was bowed low, seemingly taking low to you as his arm remained around your waist and yours came up to rub his back up and down. He laughed loudly at something you had said before dropping a kiss to the top of your head and continuing on the journey.

(there probably won't be part three but I'm working on another compilation with you and Hugh)

taglist (thank you all!): @geeksareunique, @angstdaddy, @tranquilty, @gotta-go-now, @pear-1206, @chronicallybubbly

[6ix9inewiturmom]

The Scare- Chris Sturniolo

Summary: you end up having one of the biggest pregnancy scares of your life while chris is in boston

Warnings: Cursing, Crying, use of Y/N, talks of sex, taking a pregnancy test

A/n: may be tmi but lowkey relate to this so this was easy to write LMFAOO, ENJOY

PSA: DO NOT USE MY WORK FOR “inspiration” OR ANYTHING ELSE!!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Chris has been in Boston for the last 2 weeks, and he's finally coming home. I decided to shower and shave before he came home because that man is the most sexually active 20-year-old I've ever met, the Facetime sex at 3 am for him isn't nearly enough to satisfy both of our needs.

After my hour-long shower, I'm digging through my shared bathroom with Chris in an attempt to find my body lotion to prevent my dry ass skin in this heat when I find my box of tampons, which got me thinking I haven't had a period in a while and Chris and I aren't the safest people when it comes to sex because neither of us can even remember to put a condom on, it always fucks up my mood.

“Shit,” I say to my self.

Chris and I are only 20 and with his career there's no fucking way in HELL we can have a kid or even raise a kid, I am nowhere near ready to raise an actual child.

I open my Flo app and see the little circle that's normally red is grey ‘1 week late’

“Shit shit shit,” I say out loud again, panicking.

I can't keep it from him, he's gonna see the pregnancy test in the trash. Would he be mad if I kept it from him? Should I just tell him? Should I go to Tara?

After about 30 minutes of standing in the bathroom looking at the message in my phone, panicking about what to do, I just decided I was gonna tell Chris, he loves me, and we've talked about having kids way later in life anyway, he couldn't be mad.

I finally built up the courage and got dressed in a pair of tight ripped jeans and a baby tee, with some Converse, and sat on the couch waiting for Chris to come home going through Tiktok and whatever else was on my phone.

“BABY IM HOME” Chris yells from the stairs

I squeal in excitement as I spot Chris and run towards him. Jumping into his arms, he effortlessly lifts me, allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist.

“Umm Y/N there are other people here too you know? Also, Chris get out of the fucking way so we can fucking put our shit down” Nick says in annoyance.

“Well hello to you too Nick,” I say jumping out of Chris’ arms moving out of the doorway, and letting Matt and Nick come inside the house.

“Sorry babes, we've all been up since about 6 am Boston time trying to catch our flight we almost missed because your fucking boyfriend wouldn't get the hell out of bed” Nick replies sending me a soft smile and giving me a soft hug.

“To be fair none of us went to bed at a decent time, mom was making sure we had everything packed so we didn't leave anything behind” matt defends.

“Thank you, Matt, now Y/N do you wanna take a nap? I know we were gonna go out to dinner but I'm very fucking jet lagged and kinda just want to order dinner and watch movies with you” Chris wraps his arms around my waist nuzzling his head between my neck as my hands rest on his shoulders.

“Thats fine with me i don't mind” i pull away from his embrace and smile at him.

Chris grabs his luggage and my hand and guides me to our shared bedroom. As we enter the room he seats his luggage down and plops on the bed letting out a groan of frustration.

“I have missed this damn bed, don't ask me how I slept in that bed at my mom's house for god knows how long because this one is so much more comfortable,” Chris says adjusting the way he's laying to rest his head down on the pillows. “Now after 2 weeks of no sex and just my right hand, I'm gonna need to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you” he smirks at me patting his lap and signaling me to sit on it.

“Yeah so about that” give him an awkward smile “So I didn't know how to approach this to you, 'cause you know we're not the most responsible sexually active humans” I start babbling getting nervous of his reaction based on the puzzled look on his face.

“Y/N what the hell are you getting at? cause if you don’t wanna have sex with me right now that’s fine just say that, but considering our last facetime call the constant ‘oh chris i need your cock’ was really misleading to me” he says with a puzzled faced.

“Chris i’m late” i breathe out.

“late for what? did we have reservations for dinner? did you have something for work?” he says with frustration in his voice.

“No Chris my period, I'm late, my period is LATE, I'm 1 week late today,” I say aggressively from his lack of acknowledgement.

“wait we haven’t had sex in 2 weeks? i’m confused” he sits up moving to the edge of the bed.

“last time we had sex i was ovulating, remember when i told you like a while ago that if im ovulating means im FERTILE?” i say in frustration.

“Fuck” he runs his fingers through his hair “Did you take a test? Do you know for sure that you are pregnant?” he questions

“No, and no, I didn't wanna take a test without you, and I for SURE didn't wanna hide it from you,” I say softly sitting next to him on the bed.

“So why the hell are you freaking out now? You don't know for sure that you are” he asks placing his head in his hands.

“Because you and I are nowhere near ready for a fucking kid Chris, your career, and my inability to even fucking care for myself some days, yeah there's no fucking way I can care for a child who can't even speak on its emotions, Chris” I stand up out of frustration and start pacing.

I can tell Chris obviously got upset with my statement about our ability to care for a child but i was stressed and honestly wasn't thinking.

"I want you to know that I care about you deeply, Y/N. If you are indeed pregnant, please know that I will do everything in my power to support you and our child. Even if it means giving up my career, I will do it willingly. Let's go get a pregnancy test and we can talk about everything else later, okay? I am here for you, and I will always be." he says, his voice filled with empathy and understanding as he gently cups my cheeks in his hands, rubbing them softly up and down and warm smile spreads across his face.

As our eyes meet, a warm smile spreads across his face and I can't help but return it. He takes my hand in his and gently guides me towards the living room, his grip firm yet gentle. The coolness of his skin against mine sends shivers down my spine.

“Girl, were you guys arguing? Normally after we come home from Boston it's all ‘Oh Chris more, more’ typically a traumatic event” Nick says mocking me with a smile plastered across his face.

“Y/N and I are running to CVS so well be back in a little,” Chris says walking him and me down the stairs and to my car.

The drive to CVS was filled with a bunch of conversations and laughter, talking about if I was pregnant how we would raise our child, and Chris talking about the dad jokes he's gonna have, and considering he's a triplet he carries the genetic that I'm probably gonna twins or triplets.

“How many of these things do we need? What brand is best? why are there so many options?” Chris says holding 3 boxes of pregnancy tests and struggling to figure out which one to pick “fuck it why don't we buy all of them and use one pack tonight then we'll have the extra on hand in case our irresponsibility gets the best of us” he continues.

Chris and I walked up to the front counter and dropped the boxes of tests. The worker behind the counter took a look at the tests and then looked back at us, giving us a fake smile. After ringing up the purchase, we made our way to my car.

“So do you think you are pregnant?” Chris says breaking the silence.

“I mean normally my cycles are normal and a week late is not normal at all but it could be my hormones changing or something, but I do wanna make sure,” I say glancing at Chris nervously biting his nails.

“You were right about how irresponsible we are with our sex lives but when we first started fucking we knew the risk of everything and I mean our kids would be pretty cute,” he says placing his hand on my leg and rubbing a small circle with his thumb.

Chris and I pulled up into the driveway. As we got out of the car, he held my hand tightly and carried the CVS bag in the other hand as we made our way into the house and up the staircase.

“did you get any snacks?” Nick says eating a bowl of popcorn on the couch with Matt watching the most random movie on Netflix.

“Uhm no I just got a couple of personal things” I say nervously holding up the bag and sending a warm smile to Nick.

Chris and I pretty much B lined to the bathroom, anxiously “So which one do we use?” Chris says looking down at the boxes.

“Just give me the one that says Clearblue” i say softly laughing as Chris opens the box for me and inspects it before handing me the little stick.

“Do you want me to hold the stick while you piss? I'm sorry I have no idea how these things work” he says laughing allowing his back to slide down the wall and sit with his back against the shower door.

“Chris it's fine i know how to use these, believe me my friends in highschool weren't the most responsible either” I say laughing beginning to pee on the little white and blue stick.

“So how long do we wait?” Chris says helping me take a seat on the floor next to him.

“5 minutes” I breathe out setting a 5-minute timer on my phone and leaning my head against the shower door.

As we sat in the bathroom, waiting for the pregnancy test to show its result, the silence felt palpable. It wasn't an awkward silence, but rather a deafening one that seemed to fill the entire room. With just the two of us present, we anxiously waited for the five minutes to pass.

“Would it be a bad thing if I wanted it to be positive?” Chris chuckles.

“I wouldn't necessarily say a bad thing, there's a part of me that kind of wants it to be positive too” i smile back at Chris.

The alarm on my phone quickly broke the once-loving moment sending us into a panic. Chris and I stand up walking to the counter.

“Wait should we film it in case you are then we could always have it if you could be pregnant?” Chris’ gaze softens as he looks at me.

“Chris not the time” I softly laugh out.

“Right,” he nods smiling back at me. “WAIT” he grabs my hand “Whatever happens, I love you,” he says in a serious tone.

With a warm smile, I gaze lovingly at him and reciprocate his affectionate words, "I love you too Christopher." However, my attention is quickly drawn towards the counter where the pregnancy test lays face down, taunting my nerves. With trembling hands, I muster up the courage to pick it up and slowly turn it around to face me, my heart pounding in anticipation of the result.

‘Not Pregnant’

“YES, MORE CREAMPIES” Chris shrieks wrapping his arms around my waist and picking me up, and spinning me around as I giggle out of excitement.

He carefully seats me down back flat on my feet. Our moment was quickly interrupted by both Nick and Matt barging through the door.

“ARE YOU GUYS- wait is that a pregnancy test? Y/N ARE YOU PREGNANT?” Nick yelled as Matt's eyes widened at the little blue stick in my hands.

“Please for the love of god, I don't want a little Chris running around, or two, or even three” Matt places his hand on his forehead.

“No she is not” Chris chuckles at the boys’ comment.

“THANK YOU,” matt and nick say in unison.

“Wrap it before you tap it next time Chris,” Nick says walking away and back to the living room.

“Now I'll say it again, after 2 weeks of Facetime sex I would like to absolutely fuck your brains out” Chris says smirking down at me.

“Please do” I smile as he picks me up gripping the backs of my thighs as my legs wrap around his waist leading me to the bedroom.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N pt 2: I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THISSSSSS AND TYSM TO @cosmicmistake42069 FOR THIS INSPIRATION!!

[riofann]

1. tempestuous

Authors Note: I am trying something new. I like this story line please give me your feedback. Only reposts and likes please don't steal my work. XOXO Rose

Tempestuous: characterized by strong and turbulent or conflicting emotion.

Sunday March 3, 2019 

This wasn't just some little miss understanding, this was sabotage at its core. It's why you found yourself in a random warehouse strapped to the chair bruised and bloody.

Rio was convinced you had been under cutting him for months, that the money you were washing for him was short for the past 4 months. He claimed you had been purposefully giving him fake money mixed with real money, which ended up with him having Mick point a gun to the back of your head as soon as you walked in your home. 

Any attempts to have him show proof that you were not were thwarted by Nick egging Rio on, unbeknownst to you.

You had mentally prepared for death mentally prayed that your mother and father, sisters would heal from this pain along with the rest of your family. You hear footsteps approaching your heart begins to race. You had memorized his gait along with Mick's, this was it. Your death day was here.

There's nothing said but you feel your legs being untied along with your hands, he made sure to leave the head covering on. 

“Get up!” Mick says grabbing your arm

You're too scared to move but a strong grip on your arm forcefully drags you forward.

You’re uneasy as you walk because you didn't know where you were going,  you couldn't see anything. Mick helps you step in the van. The drive is quiet, you sit with your hands on your lap, body shaking at any given moment you could be dead. All the thoughts rush through your mind, your bar, your family, your house, your future, it's giving you a migraine. When the van stops, your mouth dries up you could be on a bridge over water or a remote land with a shallow grave.  

When you step out Mick removes the head cover and your eyes take time to adjust. 

You stood at the park near your home. There's nothing said, you look behind you as Mick gets in the van and drives away. You take in the scene, you can't think of how happy you are to hear children laugh in the distance or the sound of people talking. 

It's all still a shock to you. You look around and find a bench. Slowly you walk towards it. You sit at the most remote corner, no shower for a week, you’re positive you looked like you were unhoused. 

Moments pass before you let the tears flow. The deep wound of betrayal that you felt wouldn't be healed by a simple apology hell you hadn't even received one.

After a while as the sun begins to set you stand up slowly. The walk to your house would normally be 20 minutes but since you are weak it will take longer,  and staying out at night wasn't your plan. 

With unsure steps you begin to walk home. You’re happy to not see any familiar faces at the park. You couldn’t handle any one asking you what happened or you would have implicated Rio. 

When you get home you type in the key code to  enter and find your home in disarray. You deduced that Rio was looking for the money he claimed you were shorting him on. 

You search for your phone and find it in the rubble dead. Your house doesn't feel safe, it feels surreal, like at any moment Rio could be sitting on the corner chair waiting for you with a gun in hand and Mick lurking right around the corner, ready to shoot.

After a little more searching you find the charger and plug it in.

When it turns on you see the many calls missed your workers, your mom, your dad, your sister, your cousin, unknown numbers 

You make the first call “Hello! Y/N?!” You hear your mom scream through the phone

“Hey mom” you greet

“Where the hell have you been?! We've been calling you for the past week and you just ignore us?! We were worried about you!” 

It's all too much you begin to cry she didn't know,  no one knew about what you were doing but Rio and his crew

You gather yourself “I'm sorry mommy”  you cut her off

She pauses, “What's wrong?” 

You take in a deep breath “I'm sorry I disappeared mom I won't do it again” 

“Do I need to come over?” she lived a few states away in Ohio

You panic “NO!...” you take a deep breath again “No! I just I needed time to myself I got stressed I won't do that again I promise” you master up a calm tone

She sighs “okay, but what happened? Did you get hurt?” 

“You know the bar and life I just got overwhelmed” you lie 

“Honey I'm your mother you call me when things get tough you don't just disappear!” we called the police!" She lectures. “I couldn't sleep! Y/N it felt like something wrong happened!” your stomach drops she wasn’t wrong 

“I'm sorry mom I really am I won't do it again” 

“Well I'm coming to see you next week”  

“Mom you don't...”

She cuts you off “Nope I'm coming, something is wrong I know my child!” 

You sniffed “okay” you looked at your shaking hands 

“Okay well let me call you back I gotta get in touch with the police and everyone else let them know you’re alright” 

“Okay mom”

“When I call you better pick up and don't go missing again”

“I promise I won't!” 

“I love you” 

“I love you too” 

You hung up and go through similar conversation with your sister and the manager of the bar 

When it all ends you drag yourself to the shower and take one of the longest showers you’ve ever taken, you couldn't help but sob the entire time. You scrubbed so hard a week with no shower in a dingy warehouse you felt so dirty. 

All trust had been destroyed so much for this “partnership”

You hope to be able to sleep but you can't. Your body is riddled with anxiety, with every sound you hear your  heartbeat spiked. You couldn’t even bring yourself to drink water or eat anything that's in the fridge. You just want to disappear, move to a small town in the middle of nowhere and figure things out. 

You received a text in the middle of the night 

Rio: Business as usual 

You had stared at it for hours 

Business as usual as if all that happened meant nothing. 

How could you get out of this? What could you do to free yourself from this and him? Maybe offer up the bar? But this is something you worked hard on, this bar was one of the top bars in Detroit you weren’t willing to give it up to him. You had to think about what life would look like outside of the bar and what did you want out of life? 

Slowly over the course of the week you clean up the house, you eat something here and there and you drink water when you remember. You’re not sure how you managed to clean up the house in the state it was left in, must have been adrenaline.  Even after your mother insisted something was wrong when she came to visit you, that Friday you  faked the funk. How could you tell her that you were deeply entrenched with a man who has a whole cartel like of criminals on his side? All the questions that would come from that. You would have to explain how Rio essentially twisted your arm to agree and how you stupidly didn't go to the police.

When you finally show up at the bar the following Monday  everyone teases about your disappearance and you play along but you have things to do, books to manipulate money to wash. You lock yourself in the office while you gather the money. You count over 10 times making sure it's right each time. You don’t trust the machine as it counts you run it through verify by hand run it through again verify it then set it aside. You added extra just for good measure because you didn’t trust yourself either. 

Wednesday March 13, 2019 

As you wait for him to show up at your usual pick up spot, you feel sick to your stomach, no more sitting down and waiting for him. All sense of security between you two had crumbled. A car pulls up and you grip the bag tightly. 

It's a strange face

Your phone pings 

Rio: Got busy, you’ll be dealing with Jamal moving forward

The man walks up to you with a smile on his face. “You must be Y/N” You nod, he hands you a yellow envelope you hand him the bag with shaky hands “Good doing business with you” he comments before turning to leave 

“Can you make sure it's all there?” you blurt out 

He laughs at your ridiculous comment “can’t do that out here in public lady, I’ll let Rio know” 

You nod again and watch as he drives away. 

This is your routine now, Rio never confirmed instead he would just add the extra back into your cut. You adjust to this new norm of life. 

You don’t see or hear from him for months, maybe it was for the best after all, you were angry with him you had every right to be. Well things don’t last forever and nothing is written in stone. 

Tuesday June 4, 2019 

Your stomach drops when you walk into your house that night, you feel the day you were kidnapped replaying itself. There was Rio on the corner chair with Mick lurking around the corner. 

“Not here to hurt you mama” he comments lifting his hands up to show that he wasn't there with malicious intent

You hadn’t left the door, in fact you were slowly inching away

“I wouldn’t do that”

“What do you want?” You ask in a shaky voice

“We need to talk” “You can text it” 

“I can’t” 

You sigh and close the door 

“I need your help” he reveals as you enter the living room. You don’t respond

“All that money I gave you, I need it, I’ll pay you back” 

You place your purse down “Why don’t you go get it I’m sure you know where it is”

He smirks because that was true  “don’t be like that mama” he tries to win you over 

“Don’t be like..” you pause “FUCK YOU RIO!” You scream “YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SHOW UP AND ASK FOR MY MONEY, THE MONEY I WORKED HARD FOR?! WITHOUT AN APOLOGY WITHOUT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF WHAT YOU DID TO ME!?” 

He rolls his shoulders back “It's just business” “BUSINESS?!” You stomp towards him Mick goes to interfere but Rio stops him. You glare at Mick “WHAT? YOU DON’T THINK YOUR BOSS CAN HANDLE HIMSELF, HE'S THAT MUCH OF A BITCH?!” When you turn to face Rio a blank stare replaces his expression no longer amused by your anger, guess that insult wasn’t taken lightly “I’VE BEEN YOUR PARTNER FOR 2 FUCKING YEARS! 2 YEARS! AND NEVER DID I EVER SHORT YOU. I ALWAYS MADE SURE THAT THE AMOUNT I GAVE YOU WAS RIGHT! AND YOU WHAT? YOUR FUCKING COUSIN” he shifts uncomfortable that you know the details behind the scenes “YEA I FOUND OUT, THE MOTHERFUCKER YOU CLAIM TO BE UNTRUST WORTHY YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN TRUST HIM?!” 

He says nothing “YEA JUST BUSINESS THIS IS WHO YOU ARE AS A PARTNER HUH? YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT LOYALTY AND PRINCIPAL, FUCK EVERYONE ELSE SO LONG AS YOU GOT YOUR MONEY RIGHT?” You pause looking at him waiting to see any sort of remorse, regret, something, anything! However he says nothing, his face is stoic like you were complaining about nothing important. As the tears stream down your face, you accept that this was pointless, he was never going to admit fault and you were never going to be able to step away from this life unless you were dead or in prison.  You take a deep breath, defeated you say  “You know where the money is go get it” you step away and motion towards the direction. He gives Mick a nod. He says nothing else, and you watch as they both leave. As soon as the door closes a loud scream leaves your body as soon as they walk out. How were you going to get out of this? Maybe fake your death or  leave the country to start over in a small village in the middle of nowhere!

Nothing changes after that day, still dealing with Jamal and still trying to find a way out of things. You receive an invitation from Nick to some sort of  masquerade ball in the city to “raise” funds for local charities. Mayor "duties". You assume not attending wasn’t an option.

Saturday July 13, 2019

The day of the ball arrives, you booked a town car for the night. No point in driving yourself and as far as you were concerned if anyone wanted to hurt you they could because you had no safety net after all. 

You step into the space you have to admit Nick went all out planning this event because it looked like a scene from a movie. You find your table and take a seat. You know no one who sits at your table you take a look around and spot Rio. It was easy,  anyone could spot his tattoo from a distance. A few speeches, the auction, then dinner is served proceeding with the party next. You look down at your watch, you had spent enough time at the event and you were hungry. 

If there was anything you learned from Rio and Nick never trust them so the most you did was nibble on your dinner plate and take small sips of your drink. 

“This seat taken?” you hear from behind you making look

You smile “No”

“Great!” he pulls out the chair 

“Hi I’m Alejandro”  he extends his hand to greet you 

You shake his hand  “Y/N Nice to meet you” 

He bows his head “Mucho gusto cariño (nice to meet you dear)”

“So do you work with Rio?” He takes a sip of his drink 

Not again it felt like you were being set up “Why do you want to know?” you finally take him in a man the same age as Rio and Nick rocking a gold canine tooth with many necklaces and rings on his finger. Gold to be exact. He had a thick accent, you assume somewhere from Central America or Spanish speaking country. 

He waves his hand around his head “Rumors go flying around” You nod still unsure of the purpose of this conversation “And Majority of the women here are plus one to their boyfriends or husband wasn’t hard to find you, that dress you came in all alone, heads were turning” he shamelessly looks you over biting his lip

“What do you want?” this conversation needed to end quickly 

He smiles, it makes you uneasy “Oh I don't want anything....” he pauses “It's a shame that they put you through that” you shift uncomfortably “But now you know who they are, the Serraño family. This is how they operate, they are vicious, they don’t care how many lives they destroy, they don’t operate with any principals...” 

You cut him off “I have come to that conclusion” 

He stops and chuckles lightly “Anyway I’m a much better option, I honor my principals and partnerships. I will have people reach out to you next week. Maybe I can take you out to lunch and we can talk.  You don’t have to stick with them” 

You nod but look past him to see Rio staring at both of you. Even the women trying to engage with him were failing due to how his gaze was dead set on you and Alejandro.

Alejandro looked back following your gaze as an additional ‘fuck you’ to Rio he raises his glass as a toast before turning back to face you “Ooop! I’ve been caught” with that he quickly stands up “Talk to you later cariño” 

You decide that this is your cue to leave and make your way out of the building. 

Authors Note: Please leave your feedback, again please don't steal. Only repost, like, or give credit.

Oh I can also start a tag list just let me know.

XOXO Rose

[shotmrmiller]

https://x.com/babyboat22/status/1819915483795050893?s=46 dont look at me sideways but i see amateur thief reader and “victim” soap who let you rob his ass just to keep your hands on him. he couldnt stop humming and chuckling and grinning while you pinned him to the grimy brick alley wall, patting him down and trying to search for anything good. you nick the gold rosary chain his mother gave to him, but he’s hardly worried. just keeps talking, trying to hear your voice, like he isn’t being violently accosted at the moment. besides, he likes being manhandled by a pretty thing like you.

its a wonder why someone so bitty could grow the balls to do something like this. to someone like him, of all people. its the opposite of a power trip. kind of a rush, knowing that you have no idea that he’s entirely in control of the situation you put the both of you in. that if he wanted, he could reverse this little game of yours, have you struggling and crying just for him.

but he denies himself, lets you have your fun.

when you take his wallet (not a big deal, just a couple 20s worth) he asks if you could hand him some of the trojans in there as well, wonders aloud if he’ll need them. he hears you suck in a scandalized breath and shivers in pleasure when your movements grow more shaky as you keep trying to ignore him.

“no need ta take ‘em from me, bonnie. in a plenty givin’ mood, ye can just ask,” he huffs against the wall, looking back at you the best he can with his face smushed against the brick, dark and honeyed eyes. he bargains, in a deeper, more enticing voice, “could take ye ‘ome and let ye ransack the ‘ole place if ye decide ta play a ‘lil nice—“

you yank his head back sharply before smashing his cheek into the brick, earning a groan from the man in your clutches. “shut the fuck up!”

he can taste the blood on his lips, staining his teeth. it hurts but the pain has his boner throbbing hard and unignorable. he’s missed this type of violence. usually the only way he can get it off the field is from simon, but this will do. this will more than do.

perhaps him chuckling despite being mortally injured freaked you out finally because you hastily pocket your ill-gotten gains before turning tail and running off into the night. soap’s not worried. what type of mercenary would he be if he doesn’t keep track of what’s his? it’s not hard to find you after that, where you live, go to work, which movies you like to see in your free time.

so when you spot him just as he sits down next to you in the theater, you can’t help the paralytic feeling of realizing you recognize this man. can barely move when he smirks all pretty at you, split lip and all, as he wraps an arm around your seat and spreads his thighs so wide that they crush against yours, his big calloused hand squeezing your shoulder, pulling you into him like you’re old friends.

“sorry ‘m late,” he murmurs, leaning close to your ear, letting his breath hit hot on your lobe. “traffic ‘n all.”

you try to turn towards him, “you—“

“shh, shh—“ he tightens his grip on your shoulder, keeping you from moving away from him. his sudden strength is frightening. “dinnae distract from the movie, aye? paid good money for it, ah bet.” soap licks his lips and hums before smiling, his hand pushes under your arm to grab your tit. “let’s enjoy it together, then ah’ll take ye ‘ome with me. how’s that sound?”

okay okay i'm listeningggg

popcorn cold and soggy from the butter sits on your lap, the flavored water that was once an icee on your left. his hand is firm around your thigh after fighting through the previews to get him off your tits and arse.

a compromise. sure. but then you've got to go to the bathroom (curious because you've never gone anywhere while the movie is rolling, soap thinks) but okay. when you've gotta go, you've gotta go. the piss bottles he's had to toss in the bin after flying for hours in nikolai's metal stallion can attest to that.

and this, you think, clammy hands fisting the brand new secondhand shirt you got from goodwill, is your way out. away from him. maybe even to the police. you've only ever done this shit out of necessity. hoping to get enough out of the privileged to soothe the pang of gnawing hunger in your stomach (and that of the other street urchins)

whatever you thought could've happened doesn't because he's breathing down your neck from the moment you rise from your seat. his paw is in your back pocket while he walks you to the bathroom.

his hand stays in your pocket as he, with a chivalrous gesture, opens the door to said bathroom. he also aids you in getting in the stall. and no, not the bigger one at the end. he crams you into the very first one that's available, him following right behind. he fits in there like a rubber stopper. shoulders broad enough to touch both walls. arms like trunks cross over the breadth of his chest as he looks down at you expectantly.

"needed to piss, aye? go on. cannae 'ave you runnin' off again."

it's only when he leans down, his nose touching yours as he tells you to, "go 'fore ah make ye," that has your trembling fingers fumbling with the front button of your jeans.

[beautifulhigh]

It just occurred to me that the polo scene doesn't get much love as it should. I know it's very short but just the thirst in Alex’s eyes, the way you can see his mouth dry while watching Henry ride that horse and his oh so sexy smile. I feel like that scene required a major dissection, and no one does it better so I came calling.

You know what? I'm doing this one now. I know I said I would do a meta on Henry Fox and I would do a meta on the New Year's Eve party but this is in my inbox now and yeah, let's talk about the polo scene.

(I'm also doing this now so I don't have another thing on my To Do pile, and your kind words made my shitty day a little better so thank you.)

Short scene, not a short meta.

In the book when he and Henry are in his bedroom, Alex has this little moment of clouds parting, sun beaming, angels chorus revelation:

In an instant of sudden, vivid clarity, he can’t believe he ever thought he was straight.

And while movie!Alex doesn't have the same bi awakening that book!Alex does. this is very much his moment of "oh I am very not straight at all" and that is valid of him.

(As this is a Jen meta, we shall also be talking about everything else because you do not analyse a text in isolation.)

This interview talks about the editing of the polo match:

Nick [Moore], my new editor coming in, took a look and he says, “I wanna try something with that polo match.” He spent a weekend of his own time doing something, and then he was ready to show me. He sat me down and said, “I’ve done something crazy.”

And we went from filmed scripted scenes and a lead in, to "bagpipes intensify" and it works SO well for where these boys are in this new stage of their relationship.

Our establishing shots are of the teams, the horses, the uniforms. This is Henry's world and Alex is about to step into it (which is a reversal of Henry at the NYE party - I swear I will write that meta once I have all the gif posts I want to link to) and it's all quick cuts and sharp transitions and moving shots. The pace has been set for Alex to enter.

We pick him out in the crowd but he's lost as quickly as we spot him. He's one of many here and it's all too quick to stay with him.

Firstly, you will never convince me that he didn't pick the tightest trousers he could find. Henry's comment about him being a mouthful is foreshadowed, right there.

ANYWAY

He walks in, he's looking around, he's doing up his jacket as a form of protection. Alex is the proverbial fish out of the proverbial water (and I have a meta about water if you're interested) and we're straight back in with the quick edits. Horses, polo sticks, this is not a game most people know how to play. Alex certainly doesn't. He's doing up his jacket and he is uncomfortable.

He is not a stranger to a suit, and that is certainly not something that is ill fitting. It is circumstance, not clothing.

And then we get our first clear shot of Henry. Only it's not clear, not at first. He literally comes into focus.

Stick aloft, mouth open, like he's a walking riding metaphor.

And Alex's face changes.

Yeah. He is definitely not straight.

From then on we stay with Henry. We, in Alex's viewpoint, have found him. And so we track Henry through the game and it's just generic horse legs if we're looking at anything else. The only player we/Alex see is Henry.

Here, Henry is leading. Going in first, checking it's clear, knowing Alex will follow him. Henry leads, Alex follows. Into the garden, into the bed, into the sexual component of their relationship. Alex admits to Henry right from the start that this is new to him:

“I’ve, uh,” Alex begins. “I’ve never actually done this before.” “Alex,” Henry says, reaching down to stroke at Alex’s hair, “you don’t have to, I’m—” “No, I want to,” Alex says, tugging at Henry’s waistband. “I just need you to tell me if it’s awful.” Henry is speechless again, looking as if he can’t believe his fucking luck. “Okay. Of course.”

When it comes to being with a man? Henry leads, Alex follows.

And then the pacing and editing kicks off. We intercut to the tempo of the bagpipes between the match and the hook up and Henry is leading the charge on both.

He's in charge and Alex is LOVING it:

Turns out being on the receiving end of Henry’s royal authority is an extreme fucking turn-on.

This is risky and the most dangerous thing they have done so far. Amy walking in on them in the Red Room is one thing - book!Alex is VERY thankful for the staff NDAs when it comes to what they know about him and Henry - but neither of them care here. And Alex is very much letting Henry take the lead and set the pace.

Which, given how long Henry has wanted Alex, wanted this, and how he's not able to live and love (at this point) as openly as Alex is, giving Henry this control means that not only can Alex continue his education in this mlm era of his life, but he's giving Henry all of the freedom he can. God Bless America or something.

We intercut the make out scene with shots of things being hit, the hard slamming of one thing against another, of riders in saddles. The hands may be a metaphor for sex in the Paris scene but we have it here as well.

Alex is fully on board by this point and he's not letting Henry set the full agenda. In his White House bedroom we got the scene of Henry going down on Alex (and there is no way that it was a one-way exchange given how long they were there) so now? It's his turn.

My favourite editing choice?

We then cut to Henry's arse bouncing in that saddle. If the Paris scene is making love? This is them fucking. Henry is bouncing away, riding for all he's worth, chasing down his singular aim with precision and determination.

It's innuendo at its finest.

I love this shot. We're looking up at them - we're just like Alex who is now looking up at Henry due to his new vantage point (#NoLongerTaller) - and we see Alex is fully crowding up into Henry's space. And they are right by the door. There is no cover, no escape. Anyone coming in has fully caught them. Please let there be a PPO or a Secret Service be just outside. Please. For their sanity if not mine.

But even if there isn't for some insane reason, they don't care. They are so lost in each other, so caught up in this moment, that they aren't FSOTUS and the Prince Of Wales. They aren't boys with status and expectations. They're just two consenting adults who are testing the boundaries of what public indecency actually means.

They are really going for it now. Henry's arm is tensed with the effort of keeping Alex close, his hand is splayed on Henry's back to give him contact with more of him. They are not letting go. Diving all in like it's a nod to the Olympic event where they met in the book.

And when they come up for air it's because Alex is... well... about to go diving.

Those fingers make VERY quick work of the belt and what he is doing with his hands and those fingers is further evidence in the "this is them fucking" category.

And then the frame which I'm guessing inspired Cordelia's ask to me:

LOOK AT THAT FACE. Look at those fucking eyelashes. But Alex is wanting and he is wanting hard for Henry. Pun intended. He's got a plan for this, he's got a To Do list for those Very Bad Things he promised/threatened Henry with all those weeks ago.

And it will have been weeks. The State Dinner was around February time based on the texts (end of January at the latest) and then Henry says the polo match is "next month" (which would put it end of February, early March because we would not say 'next month' if it were next week, regardless of when the month starts) and so it's been weeks since they hooked up in Alex's room. Weeks of having to just text and email and maybe venture into video calls.

None of that would compare to being together.

This is the first time that Alex has gotten his hands on Henry since his bedroom and he's desperate to get more than his hands on him.

And this shot as Alex pulls Henry's trousers down is fucking pornographic. Matthew López, did you direct Nick to act like this or was it his choice? Go watch his expression as Alex is pulling the offending clothing out of the way and tell me that this isn't pornographic.

And then we cut to the not-at-all subtle shot of Henry well, making the shot. With ease and power and the ball shooting out of frame. Something something orgasm metaphor something release.

There's even a little wisp as he makes the shot. If this post isn't flagged for mature content I'll be surprised.

Next shot?

Congrats on not getting caught, on the sex, on the most smut-filled-while-almost-fully-clothed-sex scene I've ever had the joy of frame-by-framing through.

Alex is doing up his tie again but he's not uncomfortable. And Henry is so fucking happy I could cry. Because he just hooked up with this guy, in semi-public, and got away with it. They are firmly in Henry's world here, a world where he can't be out and proud, and he got to have something he wanted. And, maybe crucially, no one knows about it. His privacy is intact.

But more importantly, this thing he's got with Alex is something. It's not a one night stand. Alex came here specifically for him, because he asked him to. Because Alex wanted to see him, be with him. This wasn't an obligation, this wasn't something set up by anyone for show and to do damage control. This was for them, and them alone.

Look at these smug bastards. Look at them. Gettin' their rocks off and making puns about being hungry and eating like they didn't just devour each other.

BUT

I gotta bring the feels here 'cause it's me.

Henry attended the State dinner because he was expected to, because that was in place before the New Year's kiss. It was an obligation and in both the movie and the book he had been ghosting Alex. And then Alex grabbed him in the Red Room and they hooked up and at the end of that scene Henry nervously asks Alex if he wants to be his guest at the polo event. Alex doesn't actually say yes - he says he doesn't know how to play polo, there's a comment about it being safer if he's on the sidelines - but leaving aside any fear that he would stand Henry up this is the first time they have made plans with the intention of seeing each other, of being together in this way.

This is, for want of a better term, kinda like a date.

Alex turned up, Henry put out, and they're very much committing to seeing where this path will take them. (Forever. It'll take them to forever.)

Alex isn't straight, Henry is very much in love, and they're embracing that giddy phase of a relationship where you just can't keep your hands off each other. And we fade from this to Paris where they're on another kind of date and then there's another kind of sex scene and it's a speedrun of their relationship on screen like they weren't indulging in foreplay with all the text flirting.

Which, by the way, don't think I didn't notice that Henry's jersey number was 4. Four-play indeed.

(Thanks for this, Cordelia, I needed something like this to soothe my brain.)

[anangelinthepit]

Without you…

Part 2

Warning ⚠️ - None-Enjoy 🩵

************************************************

6 months later

Noah’s POV

“Folio any updates?” I asked taking a drag off my cigarette and a sip of my whiskey.

“Not since last week Noah. She’s still in Los Angeles but trying to locate her exact position is becoming more difficult. She’s constantly on the move.”

I glided my hand through my hair trying to relax. The longer she tried to hide and stay away, the more it pissed me off. What the hell was she thinking? Running off like this knowing good and goddman well that any of my rivals would snatch her up in a fucking second.

“I hate to say it boss but I told you so. She was acting funny for weeks on end. God only knows what she spills if one of the rivals figures out she is in public without her pit bulls.” Jolly said sipping his beer

“Jolly now is not a good fucking time. We need to focus on bringing her back to this house, and you stating the obvious is not helping.”

“How do you figure we do that? She hasn't used any of her credit cards and we have every member combing through the city. Still coming up empty-handed, and having to start at square one again.” Folio said

“Trust me she’ll slip up. Do you know why Y/N is so beautiful? Because God had to make up for how stupid she can be sometimes.” I said smirking

“Little harsh, don't ya think?” Jolly said

I was about to disagree when Folio's computer started to make a repeating Ping noise.

“Hey it may be harsh but it's the fucking truth. My tracker on North 15th Street picked up her last location.”

Jolly got up first and checked out Folio's work to make sure it was accurate. I don't need any false alarms right now and he fucking knows that.

“Uh Boss, you're gonna wanna see this picture.”

I put out my cigarette and ran over to the computer. When I looked at the screen I nearly dropped to my knees. A cold sweat began to drip down the back of my neck while my stomach turned upside down.

“Y/N..”

There in the photo stood my beautiful wife, the sun shining down on her illuminating her features and that smile that would light up my darkest days. I could stare at her all day but my attention was brought to something more important.

Her stomach…

“Oh my god, she's fucking pregnant,” I said backing up. I could feel the anger start to boil the hood that ran through my veins. How could she leave knowing she was in such a fragile condition? What the fuck was she thinking? I couldn't contain the fire inside me any longer. Before I knew it my first in the fuckin wall and the only thing I could see is black.

“Folio. where is she?” I said taking some deep breaths trying to calm myself.

“The last place she was, was some corner store. She can't live far boss, we scope out the area and we’re bound to find where she is staying.”

“Noah, I don't mean to be the voice of reason here but maybe she left because she was pregnant.” Nick chimed in.

“What are you talking about? I would have protected her and the baby, all she had to do was fucking tell me, Nick.”

“I understand that but please try to hear her out before you go smashing more walls. She's probably scared Noah, this life wasn't always easy on her.”

I wanted to scoff at what Nick said but he was right, maybe I never took the actual chance to hear her feelings on certain situations. I was too caught up with the money and glory to understand how selfish I was being.

“You’re right Nick, I'll try to to hear her out. I'm gonna need you there though just in case. Please.”

Nick nodded and asked when we were leaving.

“Tonight, I doubt she's working so she should be home,” I said taking a shot of whiskey.

“Hold the fuck up, if Jolly or I had said that to you, we would have two weaning shots in the back of our heads.” Folio protested

“Agreed,” Jolly said sticking his finger up

“Do I need to bring up what happened down in Texas and why both you and Jolly are now on computer work?” I said raising my eyebrow

“No sir carry on.”

“Agreed”

“Dumbasses.”

Nick and I left, LA was only a few hours so it gave me a lot of time to think about how I was going to approach this situation. Was I gonna scream at her and cuss the fuck out? Or hold her and thank god for once in my life that my wife and now child are safe. I won't know until I'm right in front of her. Even though I'm confused with my feelings right now, I can tell you one thing I know for sure that is….

I will not go home empty-handed

Y/N ‘s POV

“Aye Newbie! Pick up the pace! We got people who want drinks.”

“Ricardo I'm 6 months pregnant cut me some fucking slack would ya ?”

Damn, I hate working at this fuckjng place. The men are disgusting and the drinks are even worse.

“What are ya having?”

“A shot of whiskey and a shot of you to go with it.”

I rolled my eyes and gave the man his whiskey. Even with a baby bump, men still find ways to talk like fucking pigs. I finished up my shift at the bar at around 11:30 P.m. I couldn't wait to get home and hang out with Sapphire, she has become my best friend. If it wasn't for her my ass would have been on the street. Tonight she had something she needed to talk to me about. As I re-read over our text messages I couldn't help but feel this was something serious.

Sapphire

Hey um, what time are you coming home 2night?

Me:

Ricardo is making me stay till 11:30 so a lil l8er than usual. Y is everything ok?

Sapphire

Um ya just please come str8 home after.

Me:

Ok?

I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about what was going on. We didn't live in the best part of town but not the worst. We knew everyone around us so I was starting to become worried. I was getting ready to get in my car when I froze. Looking down at the door handle to my 1998 Pontiac, I saw someone and tied a red ribbon to my door handle. It was”t just any shade of red but a Ruby red ribbon.

“There's no fucking away.”

I yanked the ribbons off and scoped out the rest of my car. It was close to Valentine's Day so maybe this was one of my regular stupid jokes of trying to be festive.

“Yeah, that's gotta be right.”

I threw the ribbons on the ground and got in my car. I tried calling Sapphire and it went straight to voicemail. Sapphire is so bad with charging her phone that this didn't strike me as odd. I finally made my way back to the apartment, but the entire ride home was so nerve-racking. I could have sworn I was being followed but it was probably just my paranoia. I needed to calm down, all this stress wasn't good for the baby.

“SAPPHIRE IM HOME! Girl, you wouldn't believe the day I had! Everything was normal until I got out of work. Can you believe some weirdo tied a ribbon to my car? I'll tell ya what, I bet you it was Jerry. You know the one with 8 kids and his wife is almost pushing 50. God, it's like he can't take a hint.”

I began to pour myself a glass of water when I realized there was just absolute silent. So quiet, I could hear my heart beating in my ears

“Saph?”

“Just a Ribbion huh? That breaks my heart babydoll, You used to always love small gifts like that.

I dropped my water causing glass to shatter all over the floor. There in the doorway stood Noah, and by the look on his face, he wanted answers and wanted them now.

“Noah?”

“My Ruby”

I stumbled back almost stroking on the broken glass around my feet. I should have fucking known the ribbon on my car wasn't from a strange secret admirer. Just my psychopath, murderous, soon-to-be ex-husband.

“I’ve missed you,” he said walking towards me

“Wh- where is my friend.”

“Oh, Sapphire? Nice girl but I had to have Nick take care of her.”

I was two seconds away from screaming thinking he killed my best friend until I heard giggling and moaning coming from the other room.

“Seriously?”

Noah continued to walk towards me, I couldn't back up anymore because I was already against the sink. I closed my eyes expecting the worst when I felt a hand cradle my stomach. When I opened my eyes, Noah was kneeling and holding me. This was probably the most gentle touch I've ever seen this man do to me or anyone else. Noah has never hit me, let me make that clear. It's just his kisses and affection were as soft as a diamond. Cold kisses and sharp to the touch. As much as I wanted to be in awe of this moment, I couldn’t.

“Noah”

His grip around me became tighter

“Noah please”

Noah stood up after kissing my baby bump. Quicky wiping a tear from his eye he fixed himself and changed back to his intimidating demeanor. Just like the old saying goes “Mafia men don't shed tears”

“You have a got a lot of explaining to do, first things first. Pack your shit and let’s go.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Excuse me? You are still my wife and now the mother of my child. What I say fucking goes.”

I watched those beautiful brown autumn-colored eyes of his turn into dark orbs, I was scared but I’m standing my fucking ground

“Not anymore.”

Suddenly Noah threw a punch that landed on the cabinet door just inches away from my face.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

I could feel my legs about to give out and cave into him. That is until the flashback happened within a second, and the reason I did this gave me the strength.

“It means my son is not your concern, and neither am I.”

************************************************

Hello angels i hope you all enjoyed 🩵

Taglist

@amelia-acero @reyadawn @bloodylullaby @fadingintothegrey @aubrey-melinoe @lolitasangel @lma1986 @chey-h @supersquirrel1996 @iluvmewwwww75 @dreamstyles @hurricanesfollowyou @thisbicc @ashdreamsalone

[tunnelsnacks]

A longish list of Fo4 mods that hopefully won't break your game if you're playing on Next Gen (This list is very much catered to my specific play style and my love of the Minutemen and the Railroad, BOS look elsewhere)

I'll add more or edit this list when I find other mods that I like which play nice or if one's on here are incompatible

The Technical Ones:

Extended Dialogue Interface You'll need F4SE For this one though I'm pretty sure you need it for quite a few. The extended dialogue interface does what it says on the tin and removes the short four options you have for responses and gives you exactly what your sole survivor is going to be saying so you don't end up being incredibly racist towards Nick when the option says 'sarcastic'.

HUDFramework is a UI framework that makes it possible for mods to add new UI elements to the HUD (I say don't worry about this one until it's in a requirement for mods you're getting)

Cheat Terminal Yes, yes I know how some people feel about this kind of mod. I've been playing fallout 4 for like 10 years, I don't have fun scouring every corner of Boston's armpit looking for clipboards. This is a holotape cheat menu that lets you add anything in the game to your inventory, SPECIAL points and other bits. It also lets you teleport companions to your location if they get stuck in an elevator, fix some faction quest if they get broken. This one is great for me because in my little make believe world I have my soul survivor is either a Courser or the Kellogg guinea pig and there's options to make you a little more deadly

Workshop Framework For Players: New controls and faster, more stable workshop scripts. For Modders: Add new resource types, override settings, and generally change the way settlements work dynamically. You'll need this bad boy for a few of the mods on this list They'll be in the requirements for them on nexus

Fallout Priority Next-Gen - CPU Performance FPS Optimizer Does what it says on the tin and stops me from ripping my hair out. Improves performance by elevating the CPU Priority of the game process and minimizes input lags and prevents stutters caused by other processes.

Workshop Menu Missing Tabs Fix Sometimes your workshop tabs will just disappear which is really really annoying. This fixes that with a holotape

The Immersion/Gameplay Ones:

Realistic Death Physics - No Animations decreases the amount of force of both melee and ranged attacks (especially crits) to more realistic levels

Lowered Weapons I hate how your character is always pointing their gun foward 100% of the time in first person, this has your character relax their hold on their gun when not firing it

Improved Maps and Visible Roads A much better high contrast world map with roads, topography, and waterline all clearly visible. Optional number grid and regions

Reverb and Ambiance Overhaul Increases the diversity and dynamics of in-game sound, Great on the ears if you're playing with headphones. My one problem with it though is that it's a little too loud for me and the settings keep resetting every time I boot up the game, but that can be fixed by going into your sound settings, and it takes less than 5 seconds

Enhanced Blood Textures Mixed blood look a little more like well... blood

Vivid Fallout all-in-one In many cases they sharpened the games original textures somewhat, made new normal maps and enhanced shadowing.It looks really good and the textures are less V-Ram heavy than the original ones

Skip Kellogg's Memories I hate that Bethesda felt the need to try to make me sympathetic towards that man, and so I skip his memories all together. Wouldn't recommend for a first play through

Raiders Nonaggressive Raiders are now name "Wastelander" and they are no longer immediately hostile. If the player gets to close the Wastlander will warn you, if you continue to get close the Wastelander will draw a weapon, if you continue to move forward from there they will then attack

Gunners Overhaul makes the Gunners friendly to the player at the start of the game. It also makes all containers and useful items in Gunner areas belong to the Gunner faction, which means you have to steal it from them.  It basically makes them the mercenary/militia faction they're implied to be

Extremely Long Lasting Stealth Boy There is different scales for the length but I do the one that extends it to 1 minute

Pip-Boy Flashlight This one is one of my personal favorites, it overhauls the flashlight on your pip-boy as well as on power armour making it look more like an actual flashlight and like the light is coming from your pip-boy. You can customise what kind of light it is too and some of the options are really cool

Settler and Companion Dialogue Overhaul reduces or eliminates repetitive companion dialogue and adds new situation-appropriate dialogue for companions. They'll have more to say and seem more aware of their surroundings. Settlers are aware of your quest progression, and while they still occasionally complain about "my back hurts, my feet hurt…", they display increased awareness of the dangers lurking in the Commonwealth, expressing gratitude for the protection you've provided them

Better Third Rail this one makes the 3rd rail a little more lively in a lore friendly way

Combat zone restored-restored brings back the cut content that made the combat zone more than just another dungeon

Friendly East City Downs restores the content where this isn't just another dungeon

Fiddler's deliver animation retexture ooooh my god I'm obsessed with this one it makes the loading animations for unarguably the best gun in the game beautiful. And if you're wearing your wedding rings still you can see it in the animation and it makes my heart hurt each time

Natural expression fix helps make the expressions the player and emphasis have a little more...normal

Project reality footsteps changes almost all footstep sounds into more realistic ones. Including subtle gear and backpack rattle

Commonwealth encounter adds almost 300 new encounters to the game

The Faction/Companion Ones:

Afiinity Gains This changes the rate of how you gain affinity with companions. I choose the one that halves it because of the way I play, I get deacon's conversations a lot sooner than I feel is in character for him

Companions Infinite Ammo Gives the vanilla companions infinite ammo for all weapons, just like settlers. As long as they have 1 round in inventory they can fire indefinitely

Companions Stealth Distance Companions can sneak is the one I got before this but it's no longer compatible. It prevents your companion from charging up your booty at full speed whenever you enter stealth. Also slightly increases their follow distance. Now also prevents Dogmeat from entering player crosshairs every damn time you stop

Immersive Dogmeat Makes him a little more sneaky and a little more deadly. He'll wait for you to attack before doing anything for the most part. It also removes his level cap

Everyone's Best Friend Speaking of dog meat, this mod let's you take him with you and a companion at your choice like how it was originally intended before the game was launched

Preston Garvey No Radiant Settlement Quests Until you take the Castle, Preston will give you the quests as normal. After you have control of the castle and the radio powered up again, he'll stop giving you new quests every time you speak with him. Now to receive further quests you simply tune into the Minutemen radio station and will receive the alerts from there.

Deacon outfit change change stop deacon from changing clothes every three seconds. This one's for my own little game play reasons where he gets to a point where he feels like he no longer needs to change his clothes every 5 seconds when he's with Wanderer

Improved Railroad Overhauls the Railroad faction (in a lore friendly way) to more closely resemble the Underground Railroad and put them on the same level relative to the other major factions

Cleaner Railroad HQ Environment This is when I instal a little bit after joining the railroad, it gets rid of all of the trash and random bricks scattered throughout HQ

Railroad redone is an overhaul of HQ Even though the Railroad is a struggling faction in the commonwealth at the start of the game, I still feel that their base of operations in vanilla fallout 4 is extremely underwhelming. This mod fixes that by changing the physical environment. There's now personalized spaces for iconic characters like Desdemona, tinker-tom, deacon and others. The Player character also has their own quarters with a private terminal, bed, and power-armor station. It cleans up all trash -and some bricks and re-navmeshed the cell. And there's a pathway across the waters in the escape tunnel

More railroad exits adds a small little dungeon and two more exits into the inner city through the escape tunnel

Diverse railroad adds new faces to the unnamed NPC associated with the railroad

Railroad redemption This adds more bits to for the railroad associated with settlements, and allure friendly way it makes the railroad feel bigger and outside the scope of just the player

Railroad perks All of the quest reward perks for Railroad quests were cut before the game was released. This mod enables them at the appropriate times in doing Railroad Quests through a scavenger hunt style "quest"

You and what army Have you ever felt like the minutemen were a bit lacking? Perhaps the settlement system feels tedious, extra, or simply lacks real progression for you. Maybe even wondered why the minutemen seem less relevant the more you play? This mod aims to fix that, using your settlements as a base to expand the Minutemen and improve their ability to help the commonwealth. No longer will everything be entirely on the shoulders of one general. I love this one because in my head Preston and I are co-generals

We are the Minutemen The Minutemen are supposed to be the best alternative for rebuilding the Commonwealth because : More settlements = More resources = Better materials = Better fire power and a larger presence in all the Commonwealth. But currently this is not the case, this mod attempts to fix that

We are the men an alias framework gives the Minutemen ranks and lets you find out their names using the Alias Framework.

The Pretty Ones:

Forest Transforms the Commonwealth into a dense and overgrown forest landscape without disabling precombines. It's my favorite nature overhaul. Tree Trim is a 2024 patch for it that improves tree placement and compatibility (but you can open console commands and type 'disable' after selecting one if there's a tree in a place where a tree shouldn't be)

Animated Traffic Lights This makes the traffic lights thought the Commonwealth work again which I think is fun and goes nicely visually wise with the next one on my list

Lighting Series - All In One lights up red rockets, Starlight and other diners neon, bus stops adds, and illuminates billboards in the Commonwealth

Lightweight Lighting The lighting overhaul lighting mod I use, there are others out there higher on the endorsement list, but this is the best I've found for not tanking my fps while still looking fantastic

Interiors Enhanced - Darker Ambient Light and Fog Ambient light power and fog brightness inside all interiors reduced by 60%, without touching any directional light sources whatsoever, keeping lighting 100% true to vanilla except for those dark corners and unlit areas. Subways are actually dark and scary! Not just a filter, actual light data has been altered. 10/10 my fav lighting mod

Enhanced Lights and FX creates more atmospheric and realistic lighting. It overhauls the lights, effects, ambient light and creates a new mood for interiors. If you get a weird teal light at some locations it might be because of this mod

Darker Nights The lighting ones above look really cool with this. I have the lower setting that doesn't make the nights longer but adds just a little more night

The Flora and Fauna Ones:

Glowing Animals Emit Light Makes glowing animal variants emit light, scaled to their size

Fireflies This adds fireflies at night. It gets a little heavy at the start for my taste but there's a holotape that can tweak the settings

Wildlife overhaul less aggressive creatures and companions This mod makes prey cautious but still scared - also stops companions from hunting them down without cause. Additionally randomizes the animals height slightly, and adjusts some stats. Adds aggression radius to most creatures and robots

Squirrels of the Commonwealth there's squirrels now :)

Mutant Menagerie is a real fun one with all new creatures gathered from a wealth of public access sources. These new, lore-friendly creatures come with unique drops and hand-placed spawns. This mod also adds in dozens of dynamic spawns for new, vanilla, and DLC creatures alike! I'm not going to tell you what it's using as a shell but there's a giant hermit crap and the first time I saw one I was genuinely afraid

More Radstags adds more radstags

Commonwealth Chickens and Rabbits adds, you guessed it! Chickens and rabbits

Commonwealth wilderness overhaul adds a ton of hand placed scenes, objects and creatures across the entire commonwealth wilderness

DECAY makes feral ghouls terrifying

The Player and NPC Ones:

Rusty face fix so there's this bug right? Bug changes the colour of your characters and NPC faces and it's really annoying. This mod fixes that

Classic Ghouls Redux Every Ghoul in the vanilla game gets a Fallout 3/NV ghoul look. It gives them that gruesome falling apart look like the older games

FCO - HD Eyes My fav eye mod that just enhances the vanilla eyes. There's the eyes of beauty but I feel like that mod is too over the top and the eyes, while beautiful, don't fit the game

Ponytail Hairstyles This is the hair mod I think fits best with the vanilla textures, also 13 is my favorite

Lore-Friendly Maxson I don't even see his stupid face in my games, I just need to know that he actually looks like a 23 year old before I blow up his stupid blimp. But seriously, there's something more heavy about knowing that you're destroying a ship whose captain is someone who is so so young

Magnolia is not a cartoon makes Magnolia look a little bit more like the fantastic Linda Carter who is her voice actor. Hi Linda!

Shawn goes to bed this one's a spoiler so don't click on it unless you know what happens at the end of the main quest but now your son goes to bed at night

Eli's Armor Compendium Adds a bunch of new lore friendly armors and outfits to the game

Wasteland fashion also adds a bunch of more friendly outfits and armors

Black Metal pip-boy Makes the pip-boys in game black

Player comments and head tracking makes your character speak other then just in dialog scenes. Includes combat taunts, player hello's, responses to NPC's and much, much more including player head tracking

The Settlement Ones:

Transfer Settlement Blueprints This mod is currently not working if you're playing with the next gen. The author's most recent update on the 5th of June says that their hard work's paying off, and they're getting to a point where they're testing the mechanics of it. Basically this mod lets you download other people's settlements that they've made and posted on Nexus to have them be in your game and vice versa. Since this mod is currently out of commission, I won't include any transfer settlement mods in this list but Fiddleflaps has the best one's in my opinion

IDEK's Logistics Station 2 Adds a system to automatically manage supply lines, improve the efficiency of inter-settlement resource sharing, and adds a handful of minor convenience features.

Place Everywhere My beloved, makes building where you want them a lot easier

Scrap Everything And in game version of a console command disable that lets you delete things while you're in build mode. Be very careful with this 'cause if you delete a part of Sanctuary's road I'm not responsible for the 30 minutes you had to reload to

Icebreaker Settlements 400+ new carefully selected lines of settler dialogue to reduce the repetitive sound of the 168 original. All lines in the original actors' voices. Intended to blend in very naturally with the default lines. Settler dialogue lines that insulted the player character were also tweaked

Graygarden Planters Unlocks the ability to craft the planters at Graygarden after you clear the water purifying plant and talk to Supervisor White. Each planter yields the same amount of plants that are visible in the planter

Proper trading stores and animation Changes how trading stand look and settler animations to be the same as the crafting workbenches So now, an armor-smith who sells your armor would be seen like he actually made the armor

Settlers Go Shopping Your stores in your settlement are no longer empty and silent. Settlers occasionally go shopping and start different randomized conversations with the vendors. Or maybe just the vendors asks them about buying something. Invisible Shopping Marker version is available too

Dino's Decorations Gives you the option to craft static clutter, makes settlements feel more lived in

Sanctuary Hills Overhaul is my favorite Sanctuary mod and the one I used for like 7 years straight . It makes it so there were a few plane crashes near sanctuary and previous settlers used the bits of those planes to build walls and homes

Rickety restored Sanctuary bridge fixes the bridge in Sanctuary but in a lore friendly way

Anom's Sanctuary Hills Overhaul makes the houses there somewhere to the ones and the rest of the commonwealth instead of 'houses of the future' It also adds a community centre and a hotel in a lore friendly way

Starlight bus barricade is an overhaul of Starlight Drive, it's very fun but very big

CVC Dead Wasteland Workshop adds 1000s of unique, lore friendly items to build in your settlements and I love it, The candles and other lighting they have or an excellent touch for low/no power settlements

Settlement supplies expanded is another workshop expansion , this one adds about 400 things

[meanbossart]

Ask Compilation: Advice, influences and Misc.

Apologies for taking so long on some of these, admittedly I'm much more likely to entirely forget about asks that are about me and my interests 💃 Thank you for all the questions regardless! And thank you specially to everyone who just drops nice messages into my inbox out of kindness.

I'm brazillian and a native portuguese speaker!

I'll probably return to twitter eventually, but a) I hate that place and b) It didn't make much sense to me to turn it into a BG3 account out of the blue. I am considering making an Instagram or a new twitter just to have more places where people can follow in case they don't care for tumblr, but it's just been a very busy year so far and so that's kind of low on the list of priorities. If I ever do that I'll be sure to announce it here. Have a nice day yourself!

Sorry to hear that! I've gotten a few messages before about this issue, and the problem is that since I am myself not from the US, my options are also limited :( a lot of patreon alternatives don't work for me because they either don't go through paypal, take insane currency conversion fees, or just straight up block me from signing up.

Speak for yourself, I just assume everyone I speak to online has committed some sort of atrocious crime until proven otherwise. Except for me - of course. I have never done anything bad in my life.

I still have a lot to learn! But I will basically use whatever works for me at the moment, as well as make a sincere effort to learn about musculature and anatomy so I can understand those components and how they move, instead of only knowing what they look like when still - that's how you get better at drawing from memory. Volume mostly comes from coloring and understanding light, which is it's own beast but can very much be learned from similar reference materials and observing it IRL!

My favorite places to get reference are medical diagrams, weird pictures I take of myself, 3D software (often Virt-a-mate) and questionably phrased image google searches.

My favorite artists are Jason Shawn Alexander and Sean Murphy, but I'm not sure how much of it reflects in my art nowadays! I generally seek to pick up techniques from artists rather than to emulate style.

Honestly I love that you guys generally do the thing he would hate the most: take him very non-seriously LOL

I've been in a real Chelsea Wolfe and Amyl And The Sniffers kick lately! But usually you'll also find me listening to stuff like Boy Harsher, Swans, FWF, JK Flesh Lingua Ignota, Nick Cave, David Bowie, and so on. Music for the weird gays, basically.

I went insane and wrote a 23-chapter-long-and-still-ongoing fic in like four months. But also - I'm not that good, I'm just shamelessly pretentious LOL

Hm. That's a good question, but I'm not really sure. Sincerely not trying to be a edgier-than-thou here (in fact, this has made me a little self conscious at one time or another) but a lot of art that I don't mean to be horror-y in nature at all has been associated with the genre. So perhaps I don't know what I'm doing either, LOL.

I think just leaning on making things look slightly "wrong" or "ugly" on purpose is the way, but I also find that if you just seek to depict people as they are instead of idealized versions of themselves, you will arrive at that either way.

Thank you for reading! Honestly, I'm guilty of having not read much at all since I was in my late teens, and the style I'm employing for ANE is very different from the things I would call "influential" for me, or even that I used to enjoy reading at all before. I read a lot of Chuck Palahniuk as a youth (and, no slight to people who do like him still, but nowadays I'm not sure why I ever did. His stories don't speak to me at all anymore) as well a lot of weird experimental lit that I didn't even care to remember the name of. My last book stint from one or two years ago was composed solely of historical and medical literature, and last year I got really into Cormac Mcarthy thanks to the internet.

So, all in all, I'm absolutely all over the place LOL if you put a gun to my head and told me to list my favorite books, I'd say The Indifferent Stars Above and Blood Meridian.

(Consider the reading portion of the question to have been answered above) I really really liked Beau is Afraid and think it's a really great "horror" movie. Sue me.

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

K's Master List

Hello there! I'm K and welcome to my side blog!

Minors please do not interact with my blog. I will block you. Blank blogs and ageless blogs have the same protocol. It's nothing personal, just trying to protect myself.

I do not do requests. It has nothing to do with you lovely people. I did requests for a previous fandom I was in and because I'm a natural people pleaser, it just became an unhealthy cycle. So, now I only write what I feel like writing.

Please do not copy or repost (i.e. copy and paste elsewhere - reblogging is a different thing and greatly appreciated) my work. This is the only place that I publish these works.

I don't do a tag list for all works since this side blog is exclusively dedicated to publishing and reblogging my own Top Gun content and an occasional announcement.

I do tag lists for ongoing stories/series. Simply reply to or reblog the work/series and say that you want to be tagged

To be tagged, you must have a reference to your age in your bio. No exceptions. It's nothing personal, but because this blog is 18+ Only, I'd look like a dumbass hypocrite if I tagged ageless blogs. Help me help you and put your age in your bio/pinned post.

Thank you for visiting and I hope you enjoy my works! My actual Master List is below the cut.

Works are separated by character. Characters with more than five posts have a separate master list. Major content warnings (i.e. pregnancy, death, etc.) are provided but please check each work for more specific warnings.

If you see a [*] symbol, it just means that work is more suggestive.

If a work is listed with "OC | Reader," the 'Reader' is biologically related to an established character (i.e. Maverick's daughter).

OC characters might have an established race/appearance, so check the summary/warnings of that work first.

Top Gun

Nick "Goose" Bradshaw

See Separate Master List

Pete "Maverick" Mitchell

Handyman - Fem!Reader (Wife!Reader)

Summary: When it comes time to give your newborn daughter a bath in the kitchen sink, it conveniently breaks. Fortunately or unfortunately, Maverick is a handyman.

Top Gun: Maverick

Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw

See Separate Master List

Jake "Hangman" Seresin

See Separate Master List

Javy "Coyote" Machado

A Walk Down Memory Lane - Bradshaw!Fem! OC | Reader

Summary: Rooster and Tweety Bradshaw look through their mom’s belongings as Tweety’s wedding to Coyote approaches.

Mickey "Fanboy" Garcia

Come Here - AFAB!Reader

Summary: You have your period. Fanboy takes care of you.

Family Man - GN!Spouse!Reader

Summary: After a long day at work, Fanboy returns home to complete his most important job: taking care of his family.

Robert "Bob" Floyd

See Separate Master List

Beau "Cyclone" Simpson

The Admirals Strike Back - Wife!Reader (Mitchell!Reader)

CW: Consensual and Very Much Legal Age-Gap Relationship (About 15 years); Non-Traditional Father-Daughter Relationship (Between Maverick and Reader)

Summary: Maverick knew that his somewhat estranged daughter was married. He just didn't know who she married.

Natasha "Phoenix" Trace

Bleeding Hearts - Male!Bradshaw!Twin!OC (Braedon)

CW: Hospitals; Exes; Unresolved Feelings; Best Friend's Brother

Summary: After the bird strike, Phoenix's ex, who just so happens to be Rooster's twin brother, comes to check up on her.

Daggers (All 7)

THE FAMILY AFFAIRS COLLECTION >

Mav's Reaction to Each of the Daggers Dating His Daughter - Mitchell!Fem! OC | Reader

Summary: Maverick finds out that his daughter is dating someone that he knows when she invites her new partner to dinner. And so he makes it his mission to greet them at the door first.

The Daggers and Their (Secret) Kids

CW: Pregnancy, see warnings for additional specific CWs by Dagger (include Reference Character Death, Strained Relationships, Divorce, etc.)

Summary: Headcanons about the families that the seven Daggers could have had going into TGM with, since there's nothing about their families mentioned in the movie.

The Love Game - Fem!Reader (Glitch)

CW: Unrequited Love; Angst; Emotional Angst; One-Sided Relationship; ‘He’s in Love with Someone Else’ Trope

Summary: Glitch has been in love with Hangman for years but he’s getting married to another woman.

A.N. Multiple Pairings: Hangman/Glitch; Hangman/Fem!OC; Glitch /Mystery Dagger

[6ix9inewiturmom]

Show And Tell- Matthew Sturniolo

Summary: When matt takes your virginity and shows you how to make yourself feel better about not being so experienced in the sex world

Warnings: Smut, Inexperienced!sub!reader, Experienced!Dom!Matt, praising, cursing, use of Y/N, Oral (fem receiving), P in V, Unprotected sex (Safe sex is great sex, cause you don’t want that late text that I think I'm late text- Lil Wayne), TW! brief talk of emotionally absent parents!

A/N: i absolutely love writing sweet Matt, but what i love writing more is MATT THE MF MUNCHHHH!!

psa: DONT STEAL MY WORK!! THIS BELONGS TO ME MYSELF AND I!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Ever since Middle school Nick, Matt, Chris, and I have been inevitable. Their mother, Mary Lou, has always taken me in as her own, considering I was the youngest out of 5 in my family, and my parents had me later in life, as soon as I learned how to care for myself, they quit raising me and only came through in times they ‘needed’ to be parents. Mary Lou was the woman I called my mother. whenever they went on a family vacation I always went with them. To the mall? I went. She basically had Quadruplets. When the triplets moved to LA, we were all over 18, and I was more than ready to leave my parent's house even though I had pretty much moved in with them for how much I stayed over, so I moved with them. I offered to get an apartment close by, but all of them collectively agreed and even argued with me about it, so now we all live in the same house.

Today was pretty much a normal day in the house, very calm, no one was filming, and we just did our own things. Matt and I had no plans, Chris went out shopping with some friends, and Nick had meetings and then dinner plans with Tara for a collab idea which left Matt and I at the house.

“Cant believe that you and my mother BOTH collectively agreed to let me walk out of the house looking like that” Matt said laughing showing me a memory that popped up on his moms Facebook page.

“To be fair you were dead set on wearing that entire outfit and your mom and I both knew we couldn't talk you out of that” I said laughing back and throwing my hands up in defense.

“That's when I dated Cassie too, how gross,” he said giving himself the Ick.

“She was the town whore, what'd you expect,” I say giggling at my comment.

“You know I never asked, whatever happened to Jackson? I just recalled he spread some rumor about him taking your virginity, and a bunch of other stuff, and you came to the house crying and Mom was comforting you and you never spoke about that again” he looks over at me as my head hung low looking at my hands.

Jackson was a guy I ‘dated’ junior year of high school, he took me on one date, it was very nice and he seemed amazing, though I should've listened to Nick when he told me Jackson was no good. After our date instead of taking me home he insisted on talking more and drove to the park in the middle of the city. His intentions were not pure. Jackson tried every which way to get me in the backseat, I rejected many many times that night and made some excuse on how I was on my period and that immediately grossed him out. Come to find out, as soon as we got back to school he spread a rumor around the entire school that he had taken my virginity and told the school I was into weird kinks. I knew I couldn't go to my mother about that because she would have taken me directly to the health clinic to ‘check if I was still pure’ so I went to Mary Lou, i and made sure to tell her to tell the boys not to bring it up to me and try their best to shut it down.

“I uh thought i told you about what happened?” i lied and nervously laughed.

“Nope,” he said popping the ‘p’ “I'm pretty sure I would have remembered something that important to where my own mother had to come to me, Nick, and Chris, and tell us not to talk to you about it, plus I mean it's been 4 years if you don't wanna talk about it I understand,” he said reassuring me.

I've always felt comfortable with all 3 of them, and always had a special relationship with all of them, and trust them with my life. I never went to them about this because I was embarrassed I was a virgin, I wasn't gonna tell them I didn't lose my virginity, considering both Matt and Chris came to me about sex advice I didn't want them to look at me any different for not being experienced enough so I lied and told them that Jackson did take my virginity but I wasn't into the weirder stuff Jackson accused me of.

“Fuck” I mutter under my breath. “Okay so, I just wanna say one thing before I tell you what actually happened between Jackson and me” I look back at him with nerve piercing through my body.

“Y/N, you know you can tell me anything” Matt adjusts himself to face me.

“So don't judge me,” I start taking a deep breath. “So Jackson made up that entire rumor,” I take my bottom lip between my teeth.

“I’m extremely confused” he scratched the back of his head laughing.

“God this is embarrassing” I place my head in my hands “fuck it, so he didn't take my virginity at all, and obviously the kink thing was a lie” I look up at him who still has a puzzled look on his face.

“So if Jackson didn't take your virginity then who did? Cause you basically swore off dating after him” he raises his eye brows in confusion.

“No one, Matt, I'm a uh Virgin” I drop my head down in embarrassment fiddling with my fingers.

“No fucking way, you gave both Chris and me AMAZING sex advice, stop fucking with me Y/N/N” he said laughing.

“Matt I'm being for real,” I shoot him an awkward smile “and please the sex advice ain't nothing, I know what I would like so I kinda made an assumption and by the looks of it, I'm guessing it worked” I nervously laughed.

“Holy shit,” his eyes go wide “why haven't you, you know?”

“It's hard for me to trust people, especially with something like that,” I shrugged my shoulders “When I hit puberty, my mother gave me a ‘save yourself till marriage’ talk instead of informing me of my body she scared me from sex, but I had gone to your mom one day when you three were hanging with Nate and she actually gave me that kinda talk and more or less told me to always make sure I felt safe and in the hands of someone I trust, and Jackson did neither of those things” I continue to fiddle with my fingers.

“You trust me right?” he says curiously

“Matt don't be stupid, yes I do” I lightly giggle. “Why is that even a question?”

“ah fuck it, never mind” he brushes it off.

“No, no, I told you something that no one knows so come on speak up,” I lightly push his arm.

“I was gonna say I could teach you a couple things about sex but i ain't too sure you'd be down for that anyway” he shrugged his shoulders turning his body back towards the TV.

“What if I was down?” I look at him through my lashes.

His head jerks in my direction, “actually?” his eyes light up.

“Matt do you know how embarrassing it is to be an almost 21-year-old who's never had sex,” a soft giggle escaped my lips.

“Have you ever like, touched yourself before?” he said slightly cringing at his words.

I was a little taken aback by his curiosity “I mean yeah, once or twice” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Did you like ever finish from that?” he shifts his body back in my direction. “I know this sounds a bit invasive but I promise if you want to do this I have a reason for asking these questions” he placed his hand on my knee.

“No… it just um” I swallow the lump in my throat “I just couldn't..”

“So you've never experienced anything sexual?” the curiosity in his voice makes me feel safer and know he's not judging me and is actually caring enough to ask and not just crawling on top of me and getting down to it.

“Nope,” I say softly

He slowly nods “Do you want to learn?” his voice goes soft.

“H-how?” I stutter out.

“Obviously if you feel comfortable enough with it, I could be the one to show you, If you catch my drift” he sends me a reassuring smile.

“Y-you would take my virginity?” I ask nervously.

“Only if you want me to” his voice trails off

“What about Nick and Chris? God that would be awkward if they walked in or something, oh my god I don't want them to think any-” he cuts me off

“Woah slow down, it's okay, they won't be back till like 9, and it's 4 now, we'll be okay kid” he laughed rubbing soft circles with his thumb over my knee. “Do you want to do this?”

I nod softly. “No this is important to you, I want your verbal consent that this is okay” he moves closer to me.

“Yes, please, I want this, all of this,” I say softly adjusting my body closer to his.

He smiles leaning closer to my face and softly pressing his lips against mine. My eyes fall shut and I turn into jello as I feel the way his hand that was once on my knee moves up toward my hip. A small smile creeps upon both of our lips. I softly pull away.

“Can we not do this on the couch?” I say laughing a little

“Absolutely,” he stands up almost immediately and picks me up bridal style walking into his room and kicking the door open as I giggle like a kid in a candy store.

He carefully sets me down on his blue silk sheets crawls on top of me and presses his lips onto mine once again making a soft groan travel between our lips.

“Can I take this off?” he says softly playing with the hem of my shirt.

“Yes” I bite my bottom lip

He smiles down at me and pulls my shirt off leaving me in my bra. He hooks his finger under my bra strap rubbing his finger up and down just looking down at me. “You're so beautiful. I don't ever tell you much” his comment makes a soft pink shade appear on my cheeks.

He leans down again kissing me and pointing his tongue out for permission to enter, my mouth opens slightly as his tongue explores my mouth, and this time his hands start to grab at my covered breast. “You can take it off, Matt” I giggle between kisses.

He gave me no response but his left hand held my lower back and his right unclasped my bra letting it fall right off my shoulders. He pulled away from kissing me and looked down at my breast in awe. “God you're Fucking beautiful” he mutters.

His mouth begins leaving kisses down from my jawline to my collarbone and stopping at my breast looking up at me through his lashes almost asking for permission without asking. I shoot him a smile and nod and his tongue licks softly across my nipple sending shivers down my spine. He smirks to himself attaching his mouth to one of my nipples and slightly tugging at my other. He sucks and nips at my nipples taking them between his teeth every now and again. My breathing gets heavier at the sensitivity and my head falls back as a soft whimper falls from my mouth.

He lifts his head up and places himself between my legs to unbuckle my shorts, shimmy them down my legs, and throws them with the pile of clothes next to the bed. He admires my choice of underwear today, smirking as they're unironically his favorite color, purple, with a tiny little bow right up top. He hooks his finger at the top of them sliding back and forth before sliding them down my legs leaving me bare beneath him.

“such a pretty fucking pussy” he groans out. he leans his head down and spits down onto my aching pussy. using his thumb he slowly moves up and down.

“Holy fuck” I gasp out.

Matt chuckles and moves his body down where his head is now between my legs. His thumb is still slowly going up and down he begins kissing down my thighs on both sides. “I want you” he places another kiss on my thigh “to tell me” Another kiss “What feels good to you alright?” he places a kiss right above my clit.

“O-okay” I say nervously

“And please don't be afraid to tell me to stop” he gives me a reassuring smile.

I nod sending him the same warm smile. He starts to place a soft kiss on my clit before flattening his tongue on my pussy and licking a stripe up and groaning once the taste of me hits his tongue.

“Oh, Matt” My breathing hitches and I throw my head back in pleasure.

His tongue begins to flick up at a faster pace making moans spill out of my mouth, his eyes are fixated on me and how my body reacts to his mouth pleasuring me.

“Fuck you're so fucking good at this” My fingers run through his hair forcing his head deeper into me.

He moans into me sending vibrations through my body as my hips jerk up and my eyes roll back. His lips attach to my clit sucking on it a little causing a squeal to fall from my mouth.

“Fuck i-i I think I'm gonna cum” I stutter out as an unfamiliar knot forms in the pit of my stomach

“Mhm” he mutters before lifting his head “Let it go sweet girl” he lowers his head again taking my clit between his teeth and flicking upwards on it.

“Oh my FUCK” I scream out when that knot snapped a wave of euphoria pierced my body and my orgasm dripped out of me making Matt move his body to watch it happen.

He wiped his mouth using his arm smiling “you okay baby?” he chuckled.

“Fuck” I breathe out “If that's why people are sex addicts I see why god damn that was amazing” I smiled up at him.

“I'm not even done yet” he smirks lifting his shirt over his head and throwing it across the room.

“Are you 100% positive you want this?” he asks as he stands up removing his belt.

“This is the first decision I've ever made that I'm 100% positive I won't regret,” I say as I watch him remove his pants and free his cock with his tip red and throbbing for attention.

He climbs back and moves me farther up on the bed. “Fuck there's no way that's gonna fit in me, that's fucking massive,” I say as my eyes stare at his cock.

“It'll fit baby” he chuckles “shit I don't have a condom,” he says rummaging through his bedside table.

“I'm on birth control, you don't need one” I smile up at him.

“Are you sure?” he smirks.

“Yes Matt,” I smile batting my lashes up at him.

“Okay then” he brings his hand up to his mouth and spits in it before gliding his now wet hand to coat his aching cock. “I gonna go slow, inch by inch and you tell me when to move, and tell me if it hurts too much I'll stop immediately,” he says aligning his cock with my entrance.

“Okay,” I breathe out.

As his tip slowly enters me I hiss. “Are you okay?” he says with a concerned look on his face.

“I'm okay just hurts” I reply biting my lower lip.

He slowly enters another couple of inches. Watching how my face nuzzled up at the new feeling. Then he slides in another few inches. After a couple of minutes, he's fully bottomed out. “Look at that, you're doing so fucking amazing,” he says adjusting himself closer to my face and brushing loose strands out of my face.

“Y-you can move,” I say nodding slowly.

He smiles before slowly thrusting out and moving towards my hips as the pain I once felt turns into pleasure in a matter of seconds.

“Oh, matt fuck faster please” I plead gripping his biceps for support.

“God you're so fucking tight” his pace speeds up as he lowers his body and begins kissing my neck and groaning into me.

“S-so fucking big” I moan out.

He rolls his hips towards mine and slams them into me. His grunts become harsher. “Fuck” he growled in my ear. “I love the way you feel wrapped around me” he moans in my ear which is almost a whimper.

“Matt” I scream out as his cock finally and repeatedly kisses my G-spot.

“Someone close eh?” he lifts up sadistically grinning at me.

I nod vigorously as my legs begin twitching and shaking around his waist and that knot forms in my stomach for the second time tonight.

“Cum all over my fucking dick baby, I know you can do it,” he said as his thrusts become sloppy.

With just his words that knot snapped in my stomach and formed a white ring around the base of his cock as my cum coats his cock. With a couple more thrusts he nuzzles his head in my neck and paints my walls a shade of white. He slowly pulls out careful not to hurt me.

“Fuck you're amazing” I breath out coming down from my euphoric state.

“Yeah? You did fucking amazing,” he smiles down at me laying next to me and pulling me into a cuddled skin-to-skin hug.

“Thank you matt” I mutter into his chest.

“No problem sweetheart” he kissed the top of my head. “You know I'd do anything for you” he softly whispers making me smile and nuzzle into him more.

“Do you want me to run you a nice bath? Or you wanna go get food? What do you wanna do, cause we got about 2 hours till Nick and Chris come home” he pulls away looking at me.

“We can shower and I can cook for us” I smile at him.

“Perfect” he smiles at me and picks me up bridal style again to carry me to the bathroom.

The way he cared for me, I knew I made the right decision. Losing my virginity to the man I knew I could trust.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N pt 2: TY TO THE PERSON WHO REQUESTED THIS!! BECAUSE THIS WAS VERY FUN TO WRITE!! anyways i hope you guys are having an amazing evening, afternoon, morning, or night!! and i love you guys!! 🩷🩷

[bullet-prooflove]

19. So whatcha say we cancel our plans?

Tonight I'm only gonna be your man

With Nicholas Baxter 💕 please

Tagging: @kmc1989@burningpeachpuppy@est1887 @wabi-sabi1090 @mini-bee-bee

The Romantic - Nick has always been a romantic when it comes to you.

Distraction - You distract Nick from work.

Symphony (NSFW) - Nick welcomes you home in his own special way.

Come Back To Bed - Nick tries to coax you back to bed.

How High - You say jump, Nick asks how high.

Nick doesn’t tell you he’s tired. In fact he actively tries to hide it because he’s promised to take you out tonight to make up for the other two dinners he had to cancel and he doesn’t want to disappoint you.

“I just need a quick shower.” He tells you as he hurtles through the front door an hour late because his trial overran. He slips off his shoes and hangs up his coat on the rack before he pokes his head into the living room.

You’re already dressed up in a pretty black dress with purple irises embroidered into it and your hair pinned back with a silver hairclip. You look stunning, and an ache hits him in the chest because lately you always seem to be waiting on him.

“I promise I’ll be fifteen minutes, max.” He tells you and you smile and pick up your book, folding your legs underneath you on the couch.

It’s forty five minutes later that you realise that you haven’t heard any movement from upstairs. You sigh picking up the phone to cancel your reservation before ordering take out instead. When you enter the bedroom, you find Nick still clad in his court clothes sleep on the bed.

He wakes up to the feel of your lips brushing over his forehead and he opens his eyes to see you standing over him, your hair falling loose across your features, your face freshly scrubbed of makeup. The dress is gone and you’re clad in leggings and your old bobbled t-shirt from Julliard.

“Fuck what time…” He checks the watch on this wrist and his heart just sinks because the reservation you had that was over an hour ago.  “Rosie I…”

You silence him with a kiss, it’s nothing more than a tender brush of the lips but to Nick it’s everything because he understands that he’s forgiven, that you’re not mad at him for this.

“I’ve cancelled our plans for the night, ordered dinner.” You tell him as you draw away, your fingertips ghosting along the line of his jaw. “You’re wearing yourself out Nick, you need to stop and take a breath.”

“It’s this case…” He tells as he shuffles into a sitting position, his back coming to rest against the headboard. “…it’s taking up all my time, all my energy.”

“I know.” You say, climbing into his lap and cradling his face between his hands. “That’s why you’ve got to communicate with me, tell me if you’re struggling.”

He sighs then because acknowledging his own limitations, it doesn’t come easily to him. His job doesn’t allow him to show weakness and it’s hard to take off that armour sometimes when he steps through the door.

“I’ll try Rosie.” He tells you, his forehead coming to rest upon yours. “I promise you’ll try.”

Love Nick? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Interested in supporting me? Join my Patreon for Bonus Content!

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[sturniololoco]

Could you do a younger sister fic where the brothers leave for LA for like a couple months and lose contact and she’s really sad and they come home to find her crying holding the stuff they gave her???

Distant

Sturniolo Little Sister (SLS) x The Sturniolo Triplets

Warnings: Break down, depression, etc.

Note: A TON of people wanted this one! A few of the requests are above but some of them were too long I'm so sorry! if I couldn't fit you in

Really short!

SLS/N's POV

It's been about a week since my brothers moved to LA, and I was missing them like crazy. To stay caught up, I watched all their videos, listened to every single podcast, and always had my phone nearby waiting for their call, facetime, or text.

But it never came.

-

It's been about a month now, and I've still heard nothing.

Sometimes I just go into their rooms and lay on their beds, missing them. I'll readjust all of Nick's Stuffed animals that he left behind. I'll make sure Chris's stash of Pepsi is always stocked, even though no one is there to drink it. I always make sure Matt's room is put together, just the way he likes it so that when he comes home, we can have our sleepovers again.

And my phone is always with me. Waiting

-

Two Months.

Nothing.

Sent straight to voice mail.

Until one day I got home from school, and there they were, sitting on the couch like they never left. Visiting.

They smiled when they saw me like they missed me, but I knew it was a lie.

I walked right passed them and into my room, locking the door behind me, feeling the tears threatening to fall the whole way.

-

I didn't come down for dinner when Mom called me. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Instead, I broke down on the floor, my mind not being able to block out my thoughts any longer.

They don't even love you! They never did! Your are such a waste of space! They moved all the way across the country because of you.

I couldn't breathe. The air was too thin for me to take in. My mind was still racing with the thoughts I couldn't help but think were true.

Inhaler. Downstairs. left of the oven.

I unlocked my door and sprinted down the stairs into the kitchen. I snatched my inhaler out of the drawer and sunk down onto the floor, taking in a deep puff, not caring that my brothers were staring.

They don't even care anyway.

Contradicting my thoughts, Matt ran over to me and sat on the floor, pulling me into his lap, and cradling my head to his chest.

"Hey, hey, hey. Shh, it's okay, I'm here," he said softly into my ear. I cried into his chest, gripping his shirt and staining it with tears. He kept rubbing my back until I calmed down and was able to breathe again.

Chris and Nick walked in, then awkwardly sat crisscrossed on the floor next to us.

"Why didn't you call. Why did you just-just...disappear?" I asked feeling the pain rising in my chest again.

They all looked at each other with wide eyes full of sadness.

"I would like to say we're busy, but there's no excuse for blocking out our sister. I realize that now and I'm really sorry SLS/N." Nick told me, looking deep into my eyes. Matt and Chris nodded in agreement, saying sorry.

I smile through my tears, happy that my brothers still love me and haven't forgotten about me.

-

When it was time for my brothers to go home, I made them triple the promise to call me as much as they could. They all swore on it and got in the car to go to the airport.

They called me as soon as they landed.

Not one of my beast works, but I'm trying to get at least one oneshot a day out to y'all. Shy pt 3 will hopefully be out by 10:00

Tag List

@idkwhosnyla @babypat08 @eyelessdemon00 @christopherowensturniolo @sturnsxx @freshloveforthefit @matty443355 @sleepysturnss @emeraldgreenbeautiesstu @sunsetsturniolos @hoesturniol

[narcissisticmf]

tender | chris sturniolo x fem!reader

request: ""i love you." "what?" "i love you and it terrifies me." with chris s? tyyy!!" from anonymous

description: after having a conversation with y/n, chris reveals his feelings.

trigger warnings: mentions of anxiety, subtle angst, mostly fluff, foul language, etc.

word count: <1k

"Did you seriously have to say that in front of all those people?" You laughed as you and Chris both slipped through the exit doorway of a convenience store. The air was brisk and caused the skin on your face to tighten. As you released breaths, it appeared like smoke in the cool atmosphere.

"Hey, it wasn't on purpose!" Chris giggled as the two of you held the paper bags of snacks you had gotten for the triplets, since they'd be filming one of their car videos later that night. "My voice just carries!" He continued laughing.

"Yeah, whatever," You rolled your eyes as soft chuckles began to escape your mouth.

"Before we head back home, do you wanna head to the lake for a little while? I know you haven't seen much around here, so.." Chris trailed off as you began to smile.

"Sure," You nodded as the two of you walked along the paved sidewalk. The store wasn't far from their house in Boston, so you decided on walking and Chris reassured you that the lake wasn't far.

.

Along the side of a back road, sat a babbling brook that ran through the trees. It was a gentle scene with doves mourning in song and bees buzzing in the air. It looked as though it was a scene written out of a book or from a movie. You smiled at the way the water danced across the rocks poking out from under the shallow parts.

"I wouldn't have expected such a beautiful place around here," You admitted.

"Me either," Chris pressed his lips together as he admired the way you observed everything.

"It's so green," You released in a breath.

There was a rusty old bench that sat right before the water and you ushered Chris to follow you towards it. He obliged and took a seat with you on it, after you did. It was small so you were fairly close to one another.

"It smells like spring, like.. you know when the grass is freshly cut and stuff," Your pupils dilated as you watched the water. It settled your mind and for a mere second you had forgotten about all your anxieties and all the tasks you knew you needed to get done.

Chris sniffed as he had his eyes on your profile, it took you a bit of time to take note of his staring.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" You furrowed your brow.

He laughed nervous, "Nothing."

"How'd you find this place?" You asked, curiously.

"Nick likes to come here a lot," He replied. You nodded with a soft smile and turned your head back to watch the water.

There was stillness for a while. The only sound came from the gurgling water.

"Y/N," Chris started and you turned your head to face him.

"Yeah?" You asked, your gaze was relaxed.

"I think I.." He trailed off, trying to figure out how to piece his words together with great care.

"You what?" You urged.

He swallowed a lump that built in his throat and stared at you, "I love you."

It came so suddenly and you didn't know how to react, "What?"

Chris released a breath, "I love you and it terrifies me. I haven't ever done or felt any of this before and it's always been because I've been so scared an' shit. But every time I try to push down these feelings, they always come back up, no matter how hard I try to push them away. It's like a cursed boomerang."

You chuckled lightly and stared at him with a warm gaze.

"I guess I'm just scared of what this could do to you and me if we don't work out. I love being your friend, but I also hate seeing other people look at you the way I do," He spoke softly.

"How long?" You questioned.

"What?"

"How long have you felt like this?"

Chris thought for a moment, staring into the distance, "I met you two years ago, right?" You nodded and he continued, "Two years. I guess the only thing that's been keeping me from telling you is–"

"I love you too," You interrupted with a soft growing smile. Chris was shocked and said nothing, his lips parted gently as you leaned over to implant a kiss to his cold skin.

After you pulled back slightly, Chris stared at you, "This is crazy."

"I know," You nodded, "But it'll be okay. We'll be okay. I promise."

.

a/n: hi angels!! thank you so much for this request! it definitely gave me a new challenge because in all honesty i was super unsure of how to execute this properly. based on how chris comes across, i've always gotten the vibe that he's terrified of commitment and being in a relationship in general, which is totally normal for a lot of people and i hope this piece captured that well enough! thank you so much for 1k once again!! i love you all so dearly. — angelina.

[dirtybitfic]

Okay so basically one day Matt is crying and y/n finds him and she goes to comfort him obviously and puts his head in her lap so his head in on her thighs,so she is just praising him and telling him it’s gna be okay and he’s so perfect and all that yap and then he starts to kiss her things slowly and gets higher in her thighs with the kissed and she’s hesitant at first so she like “Matt..” and he says something like “need ur pussy” “please let me taste you” and he’s just really subby but also kinda dom idk so she lets him open her things and he just go crazy making her feel good and he’s just so pussy drunk and he’s whispering thing like “my pussy” love this pussy” and he just rlly wants to make her cum and hear her moans

I put my whole pussy into this

you shore mf did put your whole pussy into this and I love it sooo... here you GOOOO!!!!

Need it

matt x y/n

contains ~ smutt, head(fem receiving ) , switch matt, sub-y/n character , use of nick names like~ baby & ma.

Y/n pov~

I just got out of the shower and dried off deciding to blow dry my hair so I didn't get matts pillows wet since i'm planning on chilling in his room most of the day . Chris and nick went out for a couple work meetings but Matt stayed back saying he wasn't feeling up to it.

I just finished drying my hair then threw my wet towels in the washer so Matt didn't have to do it later . I decided I wanted some tea so I went to the kitchen and made myself a mint tea with honey and made my way back to matts room.

when I opened the door I saw Matt laying curled up , thinking he was asleep I walked quietly to the other side of the bed and set my tea down . Then I heard small sniffles and immediately looked over at Matt to see a small tear streaming down the side of his face. Seeing him cry always breaks my heart he's such a sweet person and he's one of my best friends . We relate to each other with anxiety and depression so when one of us is upset we always go to each other for comfort .

I immediately sit down and run my hand gently down his back .

Matt what's wrong talk to me I say as he rolls over and looks at me with red puffy eyes .

I d-dont know I just- he starts crying more and I pat my lap for him to put his head down . He lays his head on my thighs and holds me around the waist.

shhh I know its okay I coo as I run my hands through his hair gently.

I just i've been so stressed with filming lately and -- I feel like i'm not putting in enough effort he chokes out as he squeezes me a little tighter.

I know it can be stressful filming so much but you're doing so well you know . I think you put in great effort and I think the fans do to .

I just- I don't know i'm just ugh... chris and nick are always pestering me when we film because I have a bad attitude and they embarrass me all the time he chokes out as his breathing starts to slowly go back to normal.

I know they get on your nerves a lot but you know thats just the way they are . Chris loves to get under everyones skin cause he gets a kick out of it and nick just likes to rial you up to get you to be more energetic . I try to reason with his feelings by pointing out thats just the way his brothers show their love .

I know you're right I just think i've been stressed and getting a bit aggravated with everything else because of it he says as he takes a couple deep breaths .

I know and you know i'm always here for you . You've been doing so good with the content and I know as aggravated as you've been you've done such a good job at creating content that you and the viewers enjoy . Its all gone be okay just take some time away from them to calm down if thats what's you need . I say and he nuzzles his face into my thigh . I find it cute but then he places a small kiss on my thigh catching me off guard.

He softly starts kissing my lower thigh as he starts kissing up my leg getting close to my inner thigh. Even though it feels good he's in a vulnerable state and I don't want him doing something he might regret.

matt... your vulnerable right now I don't think this is a good idea I say with a tinge of worry in my tone.

he places a kiss on my inner thigh before looking up at me .

please I need to taste you he says in a slightly whiney tone that turns me on .

i... are you sure I ask looking down at him .

he smiles and shakes his head.

yes please I let me taste you I need it

okay ... I answer and his face immediately brightens as he places more kisses on my inner thighs before his hands move to the waistband of my shorts . He slides them down my legs along with my thong.

I help him by kicking them fully off and he grabs onto my thighs spreading them apart. He groans as he immediately dives in licking and sucking . Never in a million years did I think Matt would be going down on me but god datum he's so fucking good at it.

mmm fuck matt s-so good I moan as he sucks on my clit .

he groans into me causing me to buck from the vibrations. He inserts his middle finger into me curling it to hit the perfect spot and I cant stop my legs from shaking .

o-oh my god just like that I moan as I grab onto his hair pulling softly.

god you taste so good he groans then goes back to sucking expertly as his finger move in and out at a fast pace bringing my orgasm close.

f-fuck matt im gonna cum I whine out and he speeds up his finger and flicks his tongue at a fast pace .

come on give it to me I wanna taste your cum so bad he says in a toe that has my eyes rolling back and my orgasm crashing over me .

mmm so good I fucking love this pussy he groans as his finger still works inside of me .

he adds a mother finger and jolt from how sensitive I am from finishing just seconds ago.

oh-my g-god matt fuck I moan as I pull his hair tightly causing him to groan into me .

he curls his fingers moving them at a pace so good I feel pressure building.

he sucks on my sensitive clit and I cant help but scream out.

FUCK MATT OH-G-GOD the pressure is building fast and I know I need to warn his.

m-MATT im g-gonna squirt if you k-keep doing that I cry out

he smirks against me before looking up at me with hooded eyes.

you can do it baby come on give it to he says in a deep raspy tone causing me to bite my lip and throw my head back.

my legs start shaking and the pressure breaks as I squirt all over his face and hand but he doesn't stop . He continues sucking and licking while his fingers still move in and out . Its almost becoming to much so I try and push his head away but he just holds around my thighs tighter and pressing his face deeper into my pussy.

this fucking pussy is mine he growls in a deep voice . He looks so pussy drunk it makes me even wetter just watching him lick me up like i'm the last thing he'll ever taste .

My legs are non stop shaking and i'm overstimulated but I don't think he plans on stopping anytime soon .

His fingers hit a spot that has my back arching and me screaming out .

MATT OH FUCK PLEASE I scream out not knowing what i'm asking for i'm just caught up in the pleasure he's giving me right now.

tell me how good i'm making you feel ma he says as he adds another finger into me making me gasp.

ohh f-fuck good so g-good I moan out as he goes back to licking me up .

I hold onto his face as I shamelessly going into his tongue as another orgasm approaches quickly .

f-fuck matt im gonna c-cum I whine out as he shakes his head side to side giving me extra pleasure.

my back arches and I scream out as my orgasm washes over me and I press his face into my pussy .

all mine he groans as he watches me come down from my high .

i'm so overstimulated I could pass out . My legs are shaking as my body jolts when he sucks on my swollen clit .

MA-MATT I C-CANT I- TOO SENSITIVE I scream out as he curls his fingers up and moving them at such an angle all that can be heard are squelching sounds . I know if he doesn't stop now i'm gonna squirt again and I don't know if I can handle it.

come on give me one more baby I know you can do it he praises as he continues his finger movements and licking .

f-fuck im gonna - I cut myself off by squirting all over him again .

he groans as he slurps up my juices and I moan out his name repeatedly until I come down.

he unlatches his mouth form me and pulls out his fingers licking them clean in the process . Im breathing hard as my legs are shaking.

He leans down kissing a path up my neck to my mouth placing a sweet tender kiss on my lips before pulling away brushing some hair out of my face.

you okay he asks when he sees my face .

yeah that was just... the best head i've ever gotten in my life I say followed by a small giggle . He chuckles softly as he lays down and pulls me into him.

he kisses my head as my breathing calms down .

feeling better? I ask

yeah a lot better he says smiling at me .

Thank you he says as he pulls me even closer

no thank you I say with a smile causing him to laugh.

you know I think now anytime i'm upset that pussy is gonna be my go to cheer up method

i'd be okay with that

we both smile and laugh as we cuddle under the covers and drift off to sleep.

[fictionalmenmakemecry]

Fuckin' with the Ecosystem- Chapter 2

Characters: Carmy Berzatto x Reader

Summary: You spend your Sunday afternoon with Carmy, by your side, trying to make sense of the piles of disorganized paperwork. You finally have a chance to ask what happened to his brother, only to regret it after finding out the answer. You start to realize you might be there for more than just financial guidance.

Warnings: Angst, Suicide mentions, Alcohol.

A/n: I'm really excited writing this series. It's been awhile since writing something like this. I hope you guys enjoy it and please let me know what you think! Any feedback would be amazing. If there's any other ideas you have in mind about our Carmy, my requests are open!

Here's chapter one, if haven't read yet.

Enjoy :)

It was a Sunday evening, and after officially a week of being at 'The Original Beef of Chicagoland,' you were no were nowhere closer to telling Carmy the legal or financial status of his restaurant.

It took you half the week to just organize the random letters and scraps of paper laying in boxes. With that, there was still portions missing.

Carmy came through the swinging doors with two plates. He placed your plate on the desk and scooted a chair closer to you. He felt bad about dropping this bomb on you. But even worse now, because you came in every day this week to get on top of this mess.

When he found out that you were coming in today, there was no doubt that he was coming in too, even though the restaurant was closed. He didn't say anything though, knowing you would try and convince him not to come in.

You looked up and gave him a grateful smile picking up the plate of pasta and swapping your pen for a fork.

"Don't go too hard on me. It's whatever I could lay my hand on." He said with his mouth half full.

You rolled my eyes, like you were going to be judging him on his culinary skills right now. Especially, after everything you saw in the previous job.

You stabbed the penne pasta with your fork and shoved it in your mouth, not really caring about the taste. You started to notice how hungry you really were. The taste was the last thing on your mind. Saying that, it was delicious.

You both sat in silence, scoffing down the food as fast as possible. Carmy took the cleared plates from you and worked his way back to the kitchen.

As he rinsed the last bit of suds off the plates, he paused a moment and went over to the mini fridge in the corner of the kitchen. He took out two chilled bottles, thinking that you need something to help you relax after searching through piles of paper all day.

After a few moments, he popped back through the doors with two beers in his hand.

"Thanks." You smiled, taking the cold beer from him.

"I wish we had somethin' stronger than this, but 'aven't found my brother's hidden stash yet." Carmy put the lip of the bottle on the edge of the desk and slammed his hand down on it.

The cap popped off and fell onto the ground and he took a swig of his beer.

"He has one?" You asked, trying the same move as he just did with his bottle.

You slammed your hand onto it but at the wrong angle. Your hand ended up punching the desk and you felt the pain traveling up your arm.

"Fuck" You muttered wincing.

You look over to see Carmy holding back a smile and reached over to take the bottle off of you.

"Very smooth" He broke into a snicker before doing the same maneuver on your bottle with ease.

"Fuck you" You smirked back, snatching the bottle off of him and bringing it to your mouth.

You looked over to see him leaning back on the chair with his legs straight out in front of him. Your feet leaning against his awkwardly in the smallest office in Chicago.

"How's Nick?" He asked, playing with the beer label.

"Uh.. I wouldn't know" You were caught off guard by the question. Since coming into town, you and him haven't really had the chance to talk about anything other than work.

"We broke up a year ago." You eventually said taking a glance up at him.

Thank fuck, he thought to himself

"Shit, sorry, I didn't know" He hummed taking another drink.

"Nah, it's fine. The relationship was past its expiry. It was becoming toxic as hell." You glanced up at him with a soft smile.

"You were right though" You continued after a moment of silence.

Carmy looked up with slight confusion, wondering what you were talking about.

"He was lying to me, about... well pretty much everything." You explained, feeling the sinking feeling in your heart.

You remembered finding out about all the lies. That the person you had spent so much time with had lied about everything good in his life. You didn't know him at all.

A memory sparked in Carmy's mind, he was back in New York. He was at a bar with you. After begging him week after week to go out for a drink with you, he gave in. Too many beers later, he blurted out his real thoughts on Nick. Looking back, he couldn't help but cringe on the way he acted. He couldn't even remember the exact words he said. But he remembers your reaction and the hurt in her eyes.

"W-What did I even say?" Carmy asked, squinting his eyes trying to think back harder.

You thought back to the memory. The loud music, sticky bar table and Carmy's messy hair across from you. You remember smelling beer on his breath and his words were slightly slurred. The haze in his eyes was getting thicker.

"Um.. you said that Nick was full of shit." You recalled and then smiled to yourself when you remembered more.

"And I quote 'He's playing you like a fuckin' fiddle'" Feeling a smirk climb onto your face.

Carmy rubbed his mouth down with his hand trying to hide his smile. But a smile broke through anyway.

"Jesus, I really have a way with words." He scoffed to himself, taking another gulp from the bottle.

You quietly laughed, bringing the beer up to your mouth.

Carmy brought his hand to his hair to scratch his head. He felt ashamed for his raw words. But he was grateful that you didn't hold it against him.

To say he struggled socially would be an understatement. He felt too awkward sometimes, to the point where he would be uncomfortable. Over the years of moving the way he did, he rarely had more than one or two friends at most. Those friends were mostly work colleagues.

"Can I ask you somethin'?" You asked bringing him out of thought.

He nodded, putting his empty beer bottle on the desk.

"How did your brother..." You trailed off, not knowing how to phrase your question.

"He killed himself, shot himself in the head," Carmy's said bluntly, crossing his arms avoiding eye contact with you. His stare never leaving the floor.

You stared at him and didn't say a word. For some reason, you just thought he died in a car accident. Your mind went blank for a moment only to realise what Carmy might be going through.

"Fuck Carmy, I'm so sor-"

"Don't." He interrupted, shaking his head.

"It's fine. Really." He shrugged getting up abruptly to the point it startled you a little.

He grabbed his empty beer bottle and gestured at you to see if you wanted another one.

You nodded absent-minded, still digesting the bomb he dropped on you.

He went to the kitchen and shook his head in annoyance while walking to the fridge. He felt like a shithead saying something like that so plainly. He didn't want to scare you away. It didn't help that he walked away straight after saying it.

Well fuckin' done, smooth as always, he thought to himself on his way to the fridge.

He came back with two new bottles and cracked them open with ease again. He placed yours on the desk in front of you.

You both sat there, not saying a word. He was never the type that was good with words. Usually talking got him into more trouble. His family were blunt and to the point. No feelings were ever spared in the household. He didn't want to be that way. Since moving away, he always made an effort to get better at communicating.

You looked over to see his leg shaking non stop. It was dumb for you to bring up his brother. You could have asked anyone else, and they would have told you.

You gulped down the last of your first one and pushed it onto the desk. Carmy held the neck of the bottle, resting it between his legs. He shifted in his seat, making you glance over at him.

"I didn't mean to unload this on you. For some reason, I thought you knew. It's fuckin' stupid for me to think that." He leaned forward resting his arms on his thighs.

"I-I'm sorry," He continued, resting his hand on your arm, looking up through his lids.

You looked down at his hand on your arm, the warmth of his hand on your wrist.

"You're the last person that's should apologise." You gave a weak smile resting your hand on top of his.

You both sat there, not saying anything. The peace you felt between both of you was something you missed since going your separate ways. You notice that his leg shake slowed down to a halt.

"If you need someone, you know I'm here, right?" You angled your head making sure to keep eye contact.

"Yea- yeah I know" He nodded pulling away and leaning back into his chair.

Since moving back to Chicago, he hasn't had a moment to himself to think. He didn't know if he even wanted one. He felt that if he stopped for one brief moment, that everything would catch up. His thoughts, feelings and grief. Him being next to you, gave him comfort. Having someone who knew him before his life turned into a shitshow. His old life where it was stressful but not chaotic. Not the way it is now.

He took out his pack of cigarettes, taking one out before turning the pack to you.

You quit smoking a year ago but didn't have the heart to deny his offer, especially after the heart wrenching conversation. You took one and got up from your seat grabbing the coat from the chair. You followed him out behind the building. His cigarette held between his lips as his zipped up his wool jacket shielding him from the sharp breeze. It was becoming dark, the fall evenings really settling in Chicago.

Carmy searched his pockets and pulled out a pink transparent lighter, flicking it with his thumb a couple of times before a small flame emitted from it. A glow was cast on his face, with the end of his smoke burning bright orange.

You gazed at him with the weight of guilt in your stomach. You started to think that maybe you weren't just there for management guidance. Maybe you were there for support. It was hard to tell, Carmy was never the type to speak his thoughts. That's what made this so difficult. How do you ask someone about something so sensitive?

You gave a quick smile as he leaned the lighter to you. You inhaled watching the cigarette catch a light before feeling the smoke travel down to your lungs. You exhaled letting out a sigh of relief, forgetting the bliss that smoking gave you. He looked up with his lip curled at the end blowing smoke out his nose.

"It's been awhile" You looked over smiling softly.

He gave a slight nodded, scratching his upper lip with his thumb while holding the cig.

Your denim jacket wasn't doing you any favors in this unforgiving cold, you brought your arms closer to your body. You didn't think Chicago was going to be this cold into Fall and took note that you needed to buy a heavier one.

"How long can you stay?" He asked walking over and sitting down to the weathered wooden bench.

You take a seat beside him thinking about your response.

"Uhhh, great question." You licked your lips after another pull.

How do you break it to him that you lost your job 3 months ago.

You clicked your pen over and over, sitting in the office on a late weeknight. As you looked at the roster for the upcoming weeks you double checked the bookings to make sure enough staff was around for the busy season to come. With people taking their PTO, it was a challenge every year that always left you with a nightmare to figure out. The knock on the door broke your focus and you looked up to see Vince popping his head in.

"Hey Vince" You smiled leaning back on the office chair.

"Hey" He closed the door behind him gently and you noticed something off immediately.

"How's things going?" He asked with soft tone stuffing his hands into his back pockets.

"Just the usual, it's the time of the nightmare PTO" You chuckled lightly.

"What's up?" You glanced at the clock on the wall noticing this was an off time for him to check in, 10pm on a Tuesday night.

He took a deep breath but keeping his gaze on the ground. You felt your stomach turn from the sudden change in atmosphere.

"I-I don't know how to say this." He stuttered.

Now you were real concerned, you sat up watching him. He was only a shadow of his usual self. The bearded man who would put a smile on your face when just being around his presence. He would check in on everyone to make sure there was no issues. He helped you become who you are today with everything he thought you when it came to managing a bustling restaurant.

"Marie, she's been diagnosed with ....cancer." His voice broke, you could tell he was holding back.

"What?" You said to yourself in disbelief. You saw her last week when she came in to check in. She looked fine, totally normal.

"But-" You stopped not wanting to say anything to upset him.

"Did you get a second opinion?" You asked after a moment, hearing about misdiagnoses can be a thing.

He nodded looking down at the ground. You could tell he was barely keeping it together. They've been together for decades and you knew this hit him to his core.

"It's stage 4" He whispered keeping his eyes on the floor.

You stared at him, not understanding the words coming out of his mouth. You've known them for years. You've grown as a manager here. You've been through the ups and downs, through the surreal covid time.

"I'm so sorry Vince-" You said sympathetically, getting up from the chair to try and comfort him.

He went on to tell you that they would have to shutdown the restaurant for the foreseeable future if not for good. They didn't have enough time nor money to keep the restaurant going and treat his wife for however long she had left. You started recommending things that might help them but it seemed that the decision was already made.

You watch him leave the office sorrowfully and in that instant felt completely lost. The roster that you were making, didn't matter. The new menus that were freshly printed on your desk didn't matter. You could hear Vince muffled voice from the kitchen. Most likely telling the rest of the staff the devastating news.

Two weeks later, you closed up the restaurant for the last time. After spending years there, you had no backup plan. It was completely unexpected.

The honking of a car down the street snapped you out of your trance.

"The thing is.." you paused flicking the ash off your cigarette.

"Vince shut up shop a couple of months ago" You blew smoke out of your mouth.

"What?" Carmy furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

You nodded dropping the butt on the ground smooshing it with you boot.

"Marie got cancer, terminal" You stated remembering the last phone conversation you had with Vince.

He sounded weak on other end of the phone. You called to check in knowing they needed all the support right now. He told you that she was in a hospice, making her comfortable and waiting for the inevitable.

"Last time I spoke to him, he said she only had a month left at most" You scrunched up your lips, your feelings whelming up inside.

Carmy sat there. He didn't say anything. You didn't want to tell him after everything he's been through but when it came to Marie passing you didn't want to shock him.

"Shit" He whispered, his head dropped.

You brought your hand over and rubbed his back. You didn't want to deliver the bad news but keeping something like that from him wasn't right either.

You could feel tears pricking up in your eyes and wiped them away quickly. You had no right to cry right now. You wanted to be there for Carmy.

Both of you sat there in silence. You wondered what he was thinking and wanted to not make him feel worse than he probably already did.

"I remember when you first started." You smiled to yourself while the memory ran through your mind.

"You came in so focused on what Vince was telling you. You wouldn't talk to anyone. You get in, do your work, stay late and then go home." You chuckled lightly to yourself.

You remember watching him as he watch Vince guided him. He would hang onto every word Vince said, like his life depended on it. People would crack jokes here and there especially when it was a slow night but Carmy wouldn't even crack a smile. He wasn't there to fuck around.

"I remember that one dick that screamed at me in front of a 12 top after his food was delayed and Vince came out and gave him an earful, 'emeber that?" You reminisced

Carmy sat back up and nodded, half smiling.

"I just remember being in the walk in and you burst in crying." He commented glancing over at you.

"I didn't even notice you were there at first. I was just in shock from getting screamed at in front of everyone"

You remembered looking over and seeing him with a container of sauce, frozen in place and staring at you completely startled. He came over asking what happened and through the sobbing you explained. Carmy gave you some words of reassurance knowing the bastard that screamed at you was just a cruel prick. It was the first time you talked to each other and it was nice to know he wasn't a complete robot.

He remembered seeing you in such distress with your eyes red and swollen. After hearing about what happened, he wanted to go in front and tell the motherfucker to get out of the restaurant. But he knew Vince was handling it. He never spoke much to you, but knew that you were nothing but nice to him and that you didn't deserve to be treated that way. Nobody deserved that.

After that day, Carmy and you would share some words through the shift and then those words turn to conversations which eventually lead to both of you hanging out at work.

"Wanna go back in?" Carmy nodded towards the door.

You both return to normal temperatures where you dethaw from being outside way longer than you should have been.

You made your way back to the office still wearing your jackets feeling the stiffness in your hands from the cold. You leaned over to checked your phone for it to light up, 7:30pm.

"Today flew by" You stretched out feeling the effects of sitting at a desk majority of the day. The cold didn't help either.

"Oh, so you never answered my question" Carmy rubbed his hands together to get some friction heat going.

"Uh... " You thought for a moment and clicked into what he was on about.

After coming to the realization that you were going to be jobless, you sat with the idea of maybe staying that way for awhile. You haven't taken any time off for summer in years. You thought if you didn't do it now that you never have another chance.

Your phone screen light up beside you on the couch, with a number you didn't recognize. You paused the movie and picked it up and hesitated for a moment before answering.

"Hello?"

"Hey, uhh.. it's Carmy" A smile immediately popped up on your face hearing the familiar voice on the other end.

It was a pleasant surprise and totally unexpected for you to hear from him. He explained the situation he was in and that he would really appreciate if you could stay for awhile to help him in any way. You thought to yourself about how it would be nice to visit an old friend. He explained he wouldn't be able to pay you right now but if he would figure something out. Money wasn't the issue. You had a nice little nest egg to fall back on for the unanticipated free summer you were going to have.

He asked if Vince would mind, giving you sometime off to help, even if it was for a couple of days. You avoided the topic and said that you could work something out. You were thankful that he didn't challenge you and accepted the answer.

"Oh staying yeah... well my flight is booked for the end of next week".

You saw a flash of disappoint in his face before he looked down at his hands. You didn't want to look too much into his reaction, but seeing him that way ping something in your chest for a split second.

"But.. if paperwork isn't sorted by then, I can always reschedule my flight" You offered with a smile.

"Yea, yeah of course. I don't wanna take you away from anythin' that you have going back home..." He trails off, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Carmy, I'm literally unemployed right now." You said bluntly glaring at him before breaking into a snicker.

"Anyway let's just wait til' the middle of the week and then I'll decide if I need more time." You explained, breaking into a yawn.

"Heard." Carmy nodded.

"Anyway, it's getting pretty late so I think it's time to close up" He stuffed his hands in this pockets, turning towards the swinging doors.

You started putting away the paperwork you were looking at, leaving the desk in a somewhat tidy state for the morning. Carmy did a round on the kitchen to double check everything was off before making his way back to the office.

It felt like nothing had changed between you two. After years of both you doing your own thing, when it came down to you both chilling, everything was the same. He watched you tidy up and could imagine this being the norm, you working here permanently. He instantly knew that you would slide right into this place. How easy it was for you to read people and get on with them. He also didn't want to have any expectation on you though.

It would be crazy to think just after 2 weeks you would even consider moving to Chicago for a job that wouldn't be paying you for God knows how long. He felt at ease when you were around him. Saying goodbye to that when you leave was going to be hard on him. But he didn't have time to lay on his feelings. There was a million things that still needed to get done in the restaurant. The restaurant that felt like it was going to crumble to the ground any second. He would be the one to witness it. He would be the one with the burden on his shoulders. Not Mikey.

Carmy pulled the door to check it was locked and stuffed the keys in his pocket. You both looked at each other giving a small smile.

"I'll see you tomorrow... Chef" You added taking a step back.

"See ya, Boss" Carmy developed an amused look turning down towards to street.

You rolled your eyes playfully and started walking further down the side walk crossing your arms, trying to keep your jacket as close to you as possible.

Carmy walked home feeling better than usual. Normally, he was always thinking about the next day and want needed to be done. What could make the restaurant more money. But, he caught himself not doing that, instead he was thinking about the evening he just spent with you.

His mind drifted back to the memories of him and you back in New York. Memories that he hasn't thought about it a long time. As much as he hated asking for help, he was glad he reached out to you. He was grateful that you were able to come out.

When he arrived home, he took off his jacket, kicked off his shoes and fell back onto the couch. He flicked through the channels not really paying attention to what he was watching. He felt his eyelids get heavy and within minutes he was asleep. It must have been the first time since moving back from New York that he fell asleep with such ease.

Chapter 3

Masterlist of other fics