#I was trying to dry out their enclosures a bit

[ichorousisopod]

I wonder if my isopods are doing okay...

[xeeljii]

I need joost whimpering into my neck so bad its not even funny anymore IM GNAWING AT THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE (touching grass rn thanks)

can i write a little something .... ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)

WARNING! Explicit RPF! 

CW: 18+, f! reader, dry humping sorry im in my dry humping era, drunk! Joost, established relationship, needy so needy Joost.

Late at night the window to your shared apartment is still open letting a little breeze in, it is the middle of summer and you are just laying on the living room couch watching TV ready for bed when you finally hear the ring of the doorbell. Joost had been gone since the midday with his friends and now so late you guessed he must have had a good day if he wasn't even able to use his keys.

You get up, turn the TV off and open the door with a soft smile on your lips, he is hanging between Appie and Stunje, red to the tip of his ears and so obviously drunk. His eyes are closed, his face is hanging low, he looks like a rag doll as both his friends hold him trying to keep him from falling, you laugh slightly at the sight.

"Thanks for bringing him home." You say voice low to not wake him but as soon as the words leave your mouth he raises like coming back to life at the sweet familiar sound of you.

He opens his eyes quickly, pupils unfocused and hair all tousled on his forehead. He smiles brightly his whole face lighting up and the so beloved dimples appearing.

"Liefde!" He all but screams as he lets go of the shoulders of his friends and throws himself all over you.

He is never mindful of his size even less so when he is drunk, he rests all his weight on you and you do everything to hold him and not fall backwards. You place a hand securely on his back as he rubs his face against your neck, he bends down in an awkward position to sniff at your perfume. You feel yourself blush quickly when he starts placing kisses on the exposed skin still very aware of the presence of his friends who break in laughter when they realize what he is doing.

But he doesn't care, he can't care when you smell so nice and feel so good and soft under his hands.

"I'm so sorry." You say mortified, they just continue laughing before Appie speaks.

"This one kept whining about missing you at the bar then when we got in the taxi he kept trying to call you but couldn't figure out how to unlock his phone so he threw a fit." You can see the image so clear in your mind it is so embarrassing and so adorable all at the same time.

"You are his screensaver you knew that right?" You blush deeply, you didn't know, but it is not surprising Joost is practically bordering on obsessed with you.

Joost is holding you tightly and shamelessly planting kisses on your warm skin completely ignoring the conversation happening right in front of him, then he gets bolder and starts sneaking his hand right under your sleeping camisole. You wince.

"Okay we are leaving." Stunje says saving you any further embarrassment you throw him an apologetic smile and a thank you before everyone says their goodbyes and leaves.

When the door is finally closed you can breath a little easier, you pull hard at Joost's shirt trying to peel him off you.

"You are such a handful." You say, so much love dripping from your tone it comes out with no bite.

"I missed you~" He whines into you stretching the last syllable.

"I can see." You start pulling him towards the bed room, he stays pressed close to you not allowing you to leave his embrace even by an inch.

When you get to the bed he finally releases you a bit but only to push you down onto the mattress, you fall with a soft thud in the middle.

"Hey!" You chide.

"I missed my baby." He says with furrowed eyebrows standing over you, he is so whiny when he is drunk, he is so clingy and so needy.

"Just take your clothes off and come to bed." You say rolling your eyes, you do have work early and whatever he is trying to get at can't happen.

He quickly does as he is told and starts crawling on top of you only on his boxers.

"I have work in the morning." You remind him softly before he gets ahead of himself.

"I know." He mumbles, cute little pout adorning his puffy lips. But knowing doesn't stop him from much and he makes himself a little place between your legs wrapping the muscle around his hips before he lets himself fall right on top of you.

"You can't sleep like that, you are crushing me." You pull lightly at his hair to get him to move but he doesn't and you already know that he won't.

"I really missed you." He says in that airy breathy tone that has you dampening in your panties.

He reaches a hand over your camisole stopping over your breast, his head is pressed right against the crook of your neck. He starts softly massaging at the mound of fat over the fabric and you can't help but sigh at his touch. He is kissing at the sensitive skin over your pulse and licking intently to pull more sounds from you.

"Joost." You whine unsure if you are asking for more or chiding him again, but he just likes the way you say his name so it only spurs him on.

He feels the nipple harden against the soft fabric and wants to touch directly so bad, he pulls his hand away before moving it to the hem of your shirt and pulling it up all over your breasts. At that he finally pulls slightly away from you just so he can admire at your beautiful forms, without even touching him he is already twitching in his boxers and a dark wet spot forms at the fabric of his underwear.

"So pretty." He says before he bends down chasing back after your warmth again.

He goes straight for your nipple wraps his lips around the sensitive skin and starts sucking as much of you into his mouth as he can, his other hand massages at your chest. His hips start moving against yours, he is grinding hard against your pelvis, moaning agains your tit on his mouth and groping hard at the other one with his big warm palm. You involuntarily start grinding back, back slowly rising from the mattress to match his pace.

You feel him so hard against your core, his length pushing right against the fabric of your shorts, he is breathing so heavy against your chest nose buried against your skin moaning as he sucks on you. He keeps rubbing himself on you, harder, faster, he is going to crush you, you really feel his whole weight on you as he wildly uses your smaller frame to get off. You feel him twitching even between the layers of fabric still separating you, you already know his body so well.

He pulls away from your nipple, grabs with both hands at your waist moving you harder against his body, you feel his hips start to stutter, he bends down again and searches for your neck, he is panting and leaving wild kisses and love bites everywhere he can reach, he can't help himself he needs to mark you so bad right now, alcohol high on his bloodstream he forgets any reservation.

"Let me come." He says in a whisper accentuated by a hard thrust.

"Can I come baby?" He asks sweetly as he licks under your ear.

"Please" He whines against the sensitive skin of your neck, you feel his deep voice sending waves directly to your cunt, you are so wet, your clit is so hard and throbbing at his words alone.

"Please touch me." He whimpers right against your hair.

"Please touch my dick." He is begging now, so close, just needs a little help, just needs the smallest touch from his sweet kind girlfriend to get off.

And who are you to deny him?

So you move a hand low between the two of you, reach inside his boxers, you don't even bother pulling them down and just stroke him hard and fast, your hand clenching around him tightly just how he likes it and twisting around the tip. Just within a few movements he is coming, on your hand, on his underwear, on your pajamas. Long white stripes dirtying everything with delicious heat.

"I love you, I love you, I love you." He continues mewling against your throat as he weakly thrust against your palm with the last waves of his climax.

He pulls enough strength to kiss your lips messily before he finally collapses onto you with a deep content sigh.

You still feel yourself throbbing inside your shorts but before you realize it he is already fallen deep asleep holding softly at your tit with a big warm hand. Sleeping so peacefully like an angel, like he didn't just use you to get off. You roll your eyes with so much fondness.

"You really are a handful." You say almost in disbelief kissing at his cheek as his face rests pressed on your neck breathing softly.

You pull your hand away and wipe it on the duvet. He is going to have to wash that tomorrow, and your pajamas and his boxers, it is his fault it all got dirty. And he will probably wake you up with head as an apology for leaving you high and dry and you will most likely not make it to work on time because he won't be happy with making you come just one time, no, for the grieve offense of not making you finish he will want to pull as many orgasms from you as he can before you are begging for him to let go, all overstimulated and pretty on his mouth. But all of those are problems for tomorrow you, so you just wrap your arms around him and pull him closer before his comforting weight over your body on you drags you to sleep.

⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆

A/N: idk where this came from idk lol not proof read etc

ps. this is not THE DRY HUMPING fic this is just me being insane

[nyoomerr]

If drabble requests are still open, but fluffy octobing merman content would be cute

I LOVE MER AUS SO MUCH!!! here's some octo-mer!binghe and his beleaguered favorite scientist!sy ehehe

---

Shen Yuan finds himself in the lab at three in the morning on a Sunday, facing the helpless expressions of the lab assistants who were scheduled for that particular night shift.

“We’re so sorry, Shen-ge,” one of them says miserably. “We just - he won’t eat, and he starts screaming whenever we try to clean his enclosure, and then -”

“-And then he threw a rock at me!” Interrupts the other, with far less remorse. He’s nursing a particularly nasty bruise on his forehead.

Inwardly, Shen Yuan itches for his notebook. Demonstrations of good aim and understanding of which parts of human anatomy are vital, he thinks absently, and then shakes the thought away. He isn’t here for any studying; he’s just going to take care of the issue he was called in for and go home to go back to sleep.

“It’s fine,” he says, dismissing the lab assistants’ apologies. “I’ll go feed him now, and his tank can be cleaned on Monday.”

“But, the procedure -”

“- states that no one should be working overtime,” Shen Yuan interrupts, feeling only a little bit irritated. 

The lab assistants shut up and let Shen Yuan past without further mention of tank-cleaning schedules.

Ahead, there’s a group of a couple other scientists and one more lab assistant crowding around the door to the lab. When they see Shen Yuan coming, they make way for him, and then immediately crowd back around the doorway to watch him.

Not one of them dares to step foot inside, though. 

“Binghe, come out and apologize to everyone!” Shen Yuan calls over his shoulder, not bothering to look up at the tank as he washes his hands. 

Silence.

Shen Yuan sighs, drying off his hands and moving over to the fish cooler. 

“If you haven’t apologized by the time I finish preparing your - fuck, ass-o-clock in the morning breakfast - then I won’t come up to the tank to feed it to you,” Shen Yuan warns. “I’ll just toss it over the top, and then I’ll leave.”

There’s a small splash; the sound of a head breaching water.

“...Shen-ge…”

Finally, Shen Yuan looks up from his food prep to glance at the tank. Near the top of it, Luo Binghe is staring at him with bright ruby eyes, some of his massive tentacles rhythmically sticking and un-sticking to the glass of the tank, slowly pushing his body up closer to the top of the tank. 

Shen Yuan gives him a stern glare. “Luo Binghe,” he says, meaning every bit of the threat in his voice, “if you push yourself up out of that tank and make me clean up the mess you make doing so, I will handle your food with gloves on for a week.”

“Shen-ge!” Luo Binghe cries, horrified. “I hate the rubber taste! And I only want to taste Shen-ge’s touch, no one else’s! Why should I apologize to anyone who offers me food with their touch all over it!”

“You just said you hate the taste of rubber from the gloves,” Shen Yuan points out. “They’re following my lead in preparing your meals bare-handed, you know.”

Luo Binghe visibly wavers. Shen Yuan finishes cutting up the fish he’d grabbed and dumps it in a bucket, then looks up at Luo Binghe and tilts his head in the direction of the door to the lab pointedly.

“...Sorry,” Luo Binghe mumbles.

“For what?” Shen Yuan prompts.

“For refusing the food they tried to give me, even though Shen-ge should be the one to give me all his courting gifts himself,” Luo Binghe says, very obviously sulking.

Shen Yuan sighs, feeling a bit hopeless. 

“How many times do I have to tell you, ah - food isn’t a courting gift for humans!”

Luo Binghe frowns, glaring at Shen Yuan suspiciously. “But it is when Shen-ge gives it to me, right?”

Shen Yuan rolls his eyes. “I’m not accompanying you during your mating season,” he deadpans. “We’ve gone over this a hundred times. I’m human. You’re a sea creature. We’re incompatible even before you consider our sexes.”

Luo Binghe perks up. Shen Yuan immediately becomes wary.

“I’ve been working on that,” Luo Binghe says, looking especially pleased with himself. “Maybe Shen-ge would like to come up here and document the changes to my reproductive organs himself?”

Shen Yuan feels his face go through several colors that a face has no business being. It only gets worse when he manages a moment of self reflection and realizes he does want to take a look, if only because no such sex change has ever been documented on a mer creature before. 

Mortified, Shen Yuan glances towards the door to the lab. Everyone is watching the exchange between Shen Yuan and Luo Binghe with rapt expressions. One of the scientists has their clipboard out and is taking notes. The other makes an eager little shooing motion at Shen Yuan, as if to say ‘yes, go look, quick! Luo Binghe won’t let any of us look, after all!’

Shen Yuan sighs heavily. This really… really was not what he was expecting when he applied for this job. 

“Alright, alright, I’m coming up. Good job apologizing to everyone, I guess,” Shen Yuan says half heartedly, beginning to lug the bucket of fish up the rickety stairs leading to the top of Luo Binghe’s tank. “But I’m not examining your biology tonight. We’ll wait to do that until we can schedule a proper examination. With others present, because it will be professional and educational, not for mating.”

Luo Binghe sulks. “If Shen-ge prefers to be watched…”

Irritated, Shen Yuan slaps at the side of the tank as he continues his trek up the stairs, feeling a bit vindicated when Luo Binghe’s expression twists in annoyance at the feeling of the vibrations so close to him. 

“No mating, no innuendos, and none of your tentacles getting wrapped up around me,” Shen Yuan warns as he finally makes his way to the top of the tank and has to immediately swat away one of Luo Binghe’s massive tentacles as it dips out of the water and starts to reach for him. “Your suction cups leave awful welts - last time, my brother asked me if I was being abused by a secret lover!”

“Why am I a secret?!” Luo Binghe cries, ignoring every other part of what Shen Yuan had said. 

Shen Yuan grimaces, decides that this isn’t a fight worth having at three in the morning, and sets the bucket of fish down on the edge of the tank. 

Luo Binghe looks at it, then back at Shen Yuan expectantly. 

…Damn it!!

Against his better judgment, Shen Yuan sighs and picks up a piece of fish, extending it out towards Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe’s expression instantly turns pleased, his tentacles curling beneath him - and creeping up out of the water again - as he takes the fish directly into his mouth from Shen Yuan’s hands. 

The weight of everyone’s stares from the lab doorway is especially heavy. Shen Yuan picks up a second piece. 

“You’re making me into a gossip piece,” he complains quietly to Luo Binghe.

Luo Binghe predictably responds to this by nibbling at Shen Yuan’s fingers instead of taking the piece of fish gently. Shen Yuan cuffs him over the head in a direct violation of every lab rule against touching the specimens there is. Fuck the rule; it isn’t as if Luo Binghe doesn’t break it himself every single day!!

…As he thinks this, Shen Yuan feels one of Luo Binghe tentacles coil around his ankle. Fuck. There’s no way Shen Yuan is going to manage unsticking Luo Binghe for at least several hours. 

Resigned, Shen Yuan settles down properly onto the observation deck at the top of the tank, only giving Luo Binghe a half hearted glare when the mer responds by eagerly wrapping several more of his tentacles around what parts of Shen Yuan they can reach. The weight of them is massive; Luo Binghe is no small creature. 

Happily, Luo Binghe opens his mouth expectantly. Shen Yuan sighs, and picks up another piece of fish. 

It’s going to be a long night.

[octoberautumnbox]

Aquamarine

Soloist Lee Chaeyeon & Male Reader

Word count: 1.7k

Categories/tags: smut, shower, glass, camera/picture, standing sex, standing doggy, creampie, fluffy (at least thats the plan)

a/n: birthday piece for the second half of IZ*ONE'S HoneyWaterz! she gets like one fic a year y'all are missing out. and as usual (lol) no proofread no beta im sorry i know its terrible

The water glistens against her skin, shining as it falls down her back. The city lights seem so far below you like you're in the clouds yourself. The smoke doesn't reach up here, nor the hustle and bustle of the metropolis below. It's only you and her.

Click, click, click. Find her through your camera's lens, taking perfect shot after perfect shot. She turns around and smiles a divine smile at you, and you suspect that she's stopped posing a long while ago; now, she's just glad to find you nearby.

She paddles adorably over to the shallow end of the pool and takes a seat. "Thank you for taking me out like this, babe. I love you so much. Everything is perfect."

She wrings her hair carefully and looks up over the moon, enjoying the cool breeze of tropical air on her face and chest. Click.

"Ugh, stop it," she giggles. "I wasn't ready. Delete that one."

You chuckle and place your camera on a dry, flat surface and join her in the pool. The water is warm between your toes, and you accept the welcome by sitting down in it right next to her.

You try to put your arm around her shoulder, but she shrugs it off cutely. "Don't, you idiot," she scolds lovingly, "I'm all wet."

Sulking away playfully, never mind your lightly damp Hawaiian shirt, you respond. "Wow, calling me an idiot just for trying to love you. I knew it, you've just been using me all this time..."

She laughs her signature laugh, painting the skyline of your heart in vibrant tones of aquamarine. She takes your hand and pulls slowly, bringing your arm around her once more.

"You're gorgeous, you know that? Everything about you is perfect." Place a hand on her cheek and bring her gaze over to yours. "How'd I end up with someone as breathtaking as you?"

"Shut up, babe..." she chuckles lightly as she places her hand over yours. "You know I fell for you first."

Close your eyes gently as the gravity of your hearts draw your lips together. You find her halfway through the darkness, but of course you did. When has she ever let you down?

The kiss you share is slow, respectful. You ask for permission from each other wordlessly, giving and taking just a tiny bit more from each other's love with every singular peck.

She breaks the kiss gratefully. As you open your eyes you're met with a goddess, ethereal and alluring. And she's all yours.

Without her forehead leaving yours, she whispers to you, "Let's go inside, babe, I'm getting cold."

~~~

Pull her by her waist into the shower enclosure and take her lips again. She strips you of your Hawaiian shirt, now soaked, and tosses it out of the glass cubicle. Her arm wraps around your neck, while her free hand finds the shower handle.

The showerhead comes to life, and warm water falls onto your back. Chaeyeon slips her fingers under your waistband and pulls down, taking away your last bits of clothing and relieving you of the growing pressure in your shorts.

You do the same, pulling off her dripping wet bikini bottom. Without ever breaking the kiss, she kicks them away and takes your hands onto her plump and firm ass. She moans lightly at your touch, music to your ears.

As much as you want to keep them there, you know there's more you have to do first. Break the kiss for just a moment, and see your girlfriend out of breath.

Grabbing the hem of her top, you pull up. She raises both arms to help you out, knowing that this also gives you the best view of your favorite part.

The wet piece of fabric moves up past her chest, and her beautiful tits bounce free from their containment. You keep pulling until the bikini top clears her head and finally her arms, and then you toss them out of the cubicle and shut the door.

She wraps her arms around your neck again. Grip her ass cheeks and pull her towards you, savoring her firm behind while you force your cock between her thighs.

She moans cutely at the sensation of your head right at the entrance of her heat. You kiss her again, torridly this time, and she returns your affections hungrier, more impatient, less quietly than earlier.

She pulls you even closer, pressing her soft breasts onto your chest, and the feeling could not be more heavenly. You know she's doing this on purpose, and so you respond in kind by giving her a smack on her butt cheek, forcing it to jiggle. As she's groaning into your mouth as a reflex, you leave her at a loss for a more heavenly moment.

Chaeyeon finally frees your lips, and the both of you take a deep breath. You can't get enough, though, and bring her over to the glass pane nearest to you.

"You're so fucking hot..." She traces all over your body with her fingertips. "How do you want me, babe?" she asks courteously.

"You have to smile for the camera, sweetheart." Turn her around to face the glass, and wipe away the steam obstructing her view of outside. She spots your camera sat on a table, facing the pair of you, and she blushes and smirks devilishly as she catches wind of your plan.

"Naughty boy... Hurry up and take me." Chaeyeon bends over and gives you a clear view of her ass, and shows off her pink lower lips for your pleasure.

You make her lean on the glass pane with her forearms as you grab her by the hips. Always the gentleman, you don't keep her waiting. Pull her lips apart, hear her groan at the feeling, and, finally, push your hardened cock into her tight pussy.

"Fuck..." Click. The flash goes off in front of her, and she turns redder in her cheeks. "This is so fucking hot, babe..."

"Happy birthday, baby. You're getting a private photo book of tonight as one of your gifts. Smile your prettiest."

You feel her velvet walls clench lovingly around your cock. It isn't a challenge at all though, with her slick lubricating her insides, to pull out nearly all the way, and force yourself back into her core.

Relish the feeling of fucking the most beautiful woman in the world. Take pride in how she powerlessly surrenders herself to your will. With every thrust deep into her pussy, you show her that she'll only ever belong to you.

"Babe, harder... Please fuck me harder." You comply with her request, as you thrust forward you forcefully pull her back. Her ass meets your pelvis at every pump, producing a symphony of slaps and groans.

Click, click, click. The camera makes its presence felt as flashes fill the other side of the bathroom. Push your goddess of a girlfriend harder against the glass, and she lets out a loud "ahhhh" as her nipples and breasts are squished onto the cold surface.

"Right there, babe, keep fucking me just like that..." Her walls only get tighter as your cock splits her apart. The sounds of her pleasure fill the bathroom as you bring her closer and closer to climax.

"I love you... so... fucking much, babe..." you mutter next to her ear. You can tell she's losing control of herself, she answers only in moans of ecstasy at the rough fucking she's receiving.

Hook her leg under your arm, raise it for the camera. Click, click. The view of her pussy being violated by your cock is crystal clear for the camera to capture. Click. Chaeyeon screams in pleasure as you reach new depths in the lewd position she finds herself in. Click. Her face is smushed against the glass with how hard you're pushing her. Click, click, click. Her nipples grow stiffer against the clear pane, spurring her on and on towards her eventual release.

"Sweetheart, you still good?" She can't answer, you know she can't. Just one look and you can tell she's long gone: her head thrown back, eyes rolled into the back of her skull, no regard for whatever she might be saying anymore.

Figure she's had enough. Conclude her long day with a bang. Give her a high note to end a perfect celebration. Better yet, make her sing the high note herself.

You grow more ravenous with your hold on her. "You know... One of your gifts... a whole photo book... of just tonight." Click. You thrust into her sex more roughly, chasing your high as you force her to reach hers. She can't defy you, and you know she won't. She's yours.

Her climax comes to her like an earth-splitting bolt of lightning. All at once, a guttural scream rips through her throat, click, streaks of her cum spray onto the glass she's pressed against, click, she stumbles as her legs give out underneath her, click, click, and her walls grip you in a desperate attempt to prolong her unholy pleasure as much as she can, click.

"I'm cumming, baby... Happy birthday--!!!" With a deep groan you shoot your cum into her womb, making sure every spurt stays in and takes. Her walls apply a heavenly amount of pressure on your cock, milking you for more, and you give her exactly what she wants. With every spurt of your hot cum into her abused snatch Chaeyeon screams louder yet, click, begging in gibberish for something she herself doesn't even know anymore.

You realize she's full up when your cum overflows from her pussy and down her thigh. She's taking heavy breaths now, and your wits are slipping away from you.

~~~

You find yourself sat on the cold tiled floor of the shower. Warm water still falls from the showerhead and onto the pair of you. Chaeyeon is taking her sweet time filling her lungs with air and steadying her breathing. Her head's leaned onto your shoulder, so you push her hair aside to give her a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, sweetheart. You might not have heard me earlier, but happy birthday."

She can only respond in deep breaths and scratchy hums. She brings her lips back over to yours, last kiss before getting dressed for bed. And you know that meant "I love you too."

a/n: yknow i should just stop planning fics at this point lmao. anyways, happy birthday our feather chaeyeon!!!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hello Miss Raven!✨💕

I would like to ask you for an imagine/scenario or character interaction with Crewel and Vil (platonic ofc), where they talk about fashion and everything like the queens they are and they just always have the hottest tea! Talking about the school etc.

It's a casual fic idea without any angst or things like that, maybe somewhere along the way they start talking about Yuu who's Vil's friend, that he has a bit of a crush on? It may start at the Vil's alchemy lesson or smth-

Anyways, the main focus is hot tea between the fashion queens🙏👑 Thank you!💖

This interaction takes place after the events of book 6, so there will be spoilers for that.

I kept the “Vil has a crush on Yuu” element out of this particular interaction since I didn’t find it super relevant 💦 I want the focus of this blog event to be Crewel and his relationships with others. Maybe if the interaction had been posed like Vil coming to Crewel for love advice (since Crewel is a trusted adult for him), it could have fit better. Either that, or I’d advise waiting for more generalized writing requests to open ^^

If he doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will.

“Crewel-sensei.”

He turned at the call of his voice. “Schoenheit.”

Vil, dressed in his labwear, approached. A beaker of a bubbling substance carefully was ferried in his gloved hand, which he offered to his instructor. “The Peddler’s Disguise is done. You may evaluate it for its quality.”

Crewel accepted the potion, gently swirling it to test the viscosity and noting the color.

“It was brewed with mummy dust, black of night, an old hag’s cackle, and a scream of fright. I then churned over high heat with a blast of wind and a thunderbolt.”

"You've memorized the recipe. Excellent work." Crewel set the beaker down on a lab bench and marked off Vil's name on a clipboard. "You're making up for lost time at a record pace."

"Of course. There is no excuse for falling behind," Vil insisted, tossing his blonde hair over one shoulder.

Crewel quirked a brow. "Not even being kidnapped? How strong-minded of you. I was surprised when you came to me asking to hit the ground running with makeup classes upon your return.”

He looked Vil up and down. “You remain put-together for someone who has gone through an event most would consider unsettling. Is it your PR training keeping you cool in the public eye?”

Vil folded his arms. "... If you're trying to be subtle with your worries, then you're doing a poor job of it, sensei.”

"And is there a problem with a teacher having concern for his student?”

“No, not at all.” A smirk flickered onto Vil’s lips. “Then shall we drop the pretenses? Though so bear in mind that I am under a strict NDA, so I can only divulge so many details.”

“Let’s,” Crewel agreed. “I presume you cannot share the bulk of your harrowing experience.”

Vil nodded. “But fortunately, I can tell about the worst of it… The atrocious lack of attention to self care!!”

“Our school uniforms were taken away and we were made to wear the same sterile grey uniforms every day. Threads as thin as hospital gowns, collared like misbehaved mongrels… Why, it was the worst injustice I faced in that facility.

“Not only that, but the air in the enclosure was stale and terribly drying.” Vil patted his cheek and shuddered at the memory. “It wreaked havoc on my skin.

“Worse still was that I was denied access to any skincare products and cosmetics! I was told that they were a safety hazard and to ‘rinse off with water and soap and go bare faced for a while, what are you aggro’ing about’!! Can you believe the GALL?! I was just about ready to let the staff have my wrath.”

Vil paused, taking a breath to calm himself. “… I was only saved thanks to a gaggle of nosy potatoes and a certain huntsman.”

“Speaking of, Hunt caused quite the stir at school when he vanished. Pomefiore was already suffering without its dorm leader and expected its vice dorm leader to step up fill that role in your stead… but with Hunt mysteriously gone, Pomefiore was without anyone in charge.”

“As I rightfully scolded him for.” Vil sighed deeply. "I was informed that Trein-sensei served as acting headmaster while the situation was unfolding. How did he address the issue of Pomefiore's missing leadership?"

"You're looking right at him," Crewel replied with a dry laugh. "I was called in to supervise the dormitory on top of my usual teaching duties. It seems the old man... excuse me, I mean my esteemed colleague, decided to put his faith in his favorite ex-troublemaker. Who was I to deny him?

"For the time Hunt and his rescue squad were away, I stayed at Pomefiore and kept watch over its students. What a mess—there are hardly time for my personal upkeep, nor a moment to steal away and seek the comfort of my beloved dogs... My clothes were horribly creased and my hair unkempt when the news first broke of your return.”

"What a harrowing tale of sacrifice. I apologize for the inconvenience my vice dorm leader imposed on you. He'll be getting another earful from me.”

“Hmph, no need. Though it was an inconvenience at the time, I am glad to see that you’ve come back to us safe snd sound. Perhaps it is not so bad for you pups to act selfishly every now and again.”

“Oh? Careful, Crewel-sensei. We may just take that as the green light to behave even more selfishly.”

“Then I will be there to keep you in line."

"Is that so? I'll be holding you accountable to that promise."

"And I'll be holding you accountable for your dorm's students," Crewel promised with the same ease as Vil.

There was a mutual understanding between them, the same spark set in their eyes. Teacher and student, fashionista and fashionista.

Together, they radiated an overwhelming aura.

[modern-gremlin]

Rivals with Benefits | Lance SDV Expanded (FWB to Lovers) 🔞 PT. 1

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

PART 1/2

Summary: If it weren't for Marlon, you wouldn't have bothered to help Lance out with his research, especially not by the way he gets on your nerves. You tried to give him a piece of your mind, but you might have given bit more than you intended.

Pairing: Lance (SDV Expanded) x afab!reader Tags: Smut, kind-of-tsundere reader, Friends with Benefits situationship, detailed depictions of sex. NSFW Tags below the cut. Word Count: 7k (oops) A/N: I just kept getting ideas for a Lance Rival to FWB to lovers story line and now I’ve word vomited it all here. IMAGINE, I had the intention to make this whole thing around 2,000~3,000 words?! lmfao, a fool I am. Well, here's to Part One~ I've written it in the perspective of a foolhardy, tsundere-ish farmer who's been trying to work their way up as an apprentice to Marlon. They're such a little shit on the outside but a softy in the inside <3 They have no idea how down bad they are for Lance, but they find out soon enough. I had so much fun writing this one, hope you enjoy xoxo

NSFW Tags: dry humping, fingering, unprotected sex, riding, backshots

When you first met Lance, you couldn’t deny that you were a little more than curious about the "mystery man" who greeted you at the top of the Caldera. You were smitten, more like, but you wouldn’t dare admit that now. Lance has been getting under your skin ever since he’s been asked to join the Adventurer’s Guild. Marlon might think he's a reliable and experienced combat mage, but you see right through that façade.

He's more like an over-confident killjoy who thinks he knows everything, you think to yourself. He's always quick to make objections to your suggestions — "That seems rather risky, don't you think?" he says. "You should carry more medicine with you," he says. Please, as if you couldn't handle yourself in the mines. You've been down there countless of times; so what if you've come out very a little battered every now and then? For whatever reason, he seems to single you out the most out of all the adventurers who visit the guild. To make matters worse, he never seems bothered whenever you make verbal jabs at him. He always maintains that arrogant smirk on his face and pretends that you've won the argument. Screw him and his stupid handsome face.

Your rivalry with him is no secret to the rest of the guild — almost every meeting starts with a battle of wits between you two, until Marlon practically has to pull you two apart from one another. "Get a room, you two," Gil would often remark something of the like, just barely raising himself from his regular spot by the fireplace. You hate how Lance just chuckles under his breath as you try to explain to the old man how the tensions between you two are "strictly from annoyance". You definitely don't sneak glances at him when he's none the wiser, and surely you just "coincidentally" bump into him at least twice a week (as if he hadn't already given you his schedule.) He just gets on your nerves. That's all, isn't it?

That's certainly what you convince yourself until one day you're sent to the Highlands Outpost to help him with a special research initiative. You wouldn't have taken the job if Marlon hadn't been so insistent that you'd be a perfect fit for the task. It wouldn't be wise for an apprentice to reject their mentor's request when they point out their strengths, so begrudgingly you agree. There's a clear enclosure in your greenhouse set aside for Lance's "little experiment". Good thing you've made decent enough clearance around your fruit trees — these plants are almost vicious as the creatures that drop them. Some are poisonous, some emit a strange dark aura, one of them is just downright creepy. To say this project is completely unorthodox would be an understatement, but admittedly, you are intrigued by the monster crops and the arcane powers they might possess. It only comes with the minor grievance of having to report to Lance every so often; tending to these crops every morning does seem like a cruel daily reminder of your rivalry with him. But with the final monster fruit harvested and stored, your mission is finally about to come to an end. Placing each of the crops inside a burlap sack, you make the trip out to the Highlands.

Upon arrival at the outpost, you notice that there's no one in sight. Just the peaceful view of the cedar trees stretching to the top of the mountain side, occasionally lit by the blue flames Lance had decorated around the area. From this safe distance, the view from the Highlands is breathtaking in the late summer evening. If you hadn't known that these fields to be riddled with monsters galore, you'd bet this would be a pretty nice place to camp out for a while. The sun slowly dips below the horizon as you breathe in deep swaths of fresh air. Not a bad spot to be stationed to, you think to yourself. Sure, the valley is modestly beautiful too, but you do wonder why Lance had accepted a job there when his schedule already has him spread thin. Besides, the Highlands Outpost is quite scenic itself. You really can't complain for the extra help though — as much as you hate to admit it, he's been a valuable asset to the guild. Now with Lance, once again, entering your mind, you remember the purpose of your visit. Taking in a last few breaths of the evening breeze, you slowly make your way to the outpost tower door. Like always, you announce yourself the same way; three quick knocks against the wood and an "it's me" signals to Lance that is you, in fact, at the door. "Come in," he routinely answers.

Once you enter the room, you see Lance sitting at his desk. He's too busy scrawling notes in his journal to greet you just yet. The room echoes when he gently slaps his journal shut to turn his attention to you. You swear he keeps a list of things that piss you off in that little book of his, because it's like he knows just what to say to make your face turn into a cherry tomato. "Good evening, farmer," he greets you cheerily, "have you come to keep me company tonight?" The peace and tranquility from your nature walk quickly dissipates the moment he teases you. "Yeah, you wish," you remark with a sneer, "I've come to give you the last of these." Raising the burlap sack toward him, you gently place the crops on the desk in front of him. His mouth curls into a smile as you retrieve each plant from the bag and place them before him. "Wow, these are quite fascinating. Truly remarkable specimen," he says as he carefully examines the freshly-harvested monster crops, "I'm surprised, they're in such perfect condition-" He's surprised? Really? You've been tirelessly caring for these venomous, god-forsaken crops for weeks now. They've been taking up precious greenhouse space that could've been used for ancient fruit and yet, he still has the gall to tease you about it? "Hmph, you're 'surprised?' I thought you'd be smart enough to know I'd be your best bet in cultivating these crops," you scoff, turning away from his gaze in a meek attempt to hide your pouting face from him, "A 'thank you' would have sufficed." Sigh, what was I expecting? You curtly head towards the door with the job finally being done.

"Pardon me, I didn't mean any ill-will. I'm only surprised because I had thought it would be impossible to cultivate these kinds of seeds," he places a palm on his neck as he corrects himself, "I've tried several times with no success." This stops you from storming out of the outpost tower and he continues in response, "I truly am impressed. Marlon was right to entrust you with this task, thank you." His sincerity is almost believable, but you know better to believe his charismatic antics. You march back toward the desk he's seated in front of, readying a pointing finger toward him to confront his sweet-talking attitude. But this time, without Marlon to stop you, you're determined to let him have a piece of your mind. "You know what? Everyone thinks you're so eloquent and great. Oh but I see through that act of yours," you annoyedly remark, pressing your index to his chest. "What is it about me that you dislike so much, hm? You think just because you're some… good-looking, combat mage prodigy, you get to push me around? You've been nitpicking my every move for months now!" For a moment, Lance is at a loss for words. He just stares up at you with wide eyes, which causes heat to spread across your cheeks.

"Dislike? I know I enjoy a little bit of banter with you every so often, but dislike? Do I really give the impression that I dislike you?" he asks earnestly. You retract your finger and hesitantly take a step back. His question takes you by surprise; it never really occurred to you might have read his intentions wrong in the first place. But still, you're much too stubborn to give in now. "Y-yeah? I mean, you're always picking on me and never any of the other adventurers at the guild. If you don't dislike me, what gives?" You pray he didn't catch the shakiness in your voice, but if your trembling lips didn't give it away, the flush that's spreading from your cheeks to your ears quickly reveal how nervous you are. His familiar chuckle escapes from his lips and now he's looking at you with a playful grin. "It might be because you're always the most charming person in the room. In any room, if I'm honest."

Now he's done it. The blush on your face has gone from cherry tomato to actual-cherry-red. You can't even spew vitriol back at him to hide how giddy you actually are. It's like your heart is lodged in your throat and its beating prevents you from speaking. "I don't dislike you in the slightest. My apologies, I didn't realize I was coming across as harsh." His smile subtly switches from sly to warm, as if he's trying to convince you to believe him. "Pfft... me, charming? Th-that's hard to believe, considering how you've been targeting me since you arrived at the valley," you retort nervously, your eyes shifting away from his. Almost as if he knew you were trying to plan your escape, his next words glue you to the floor. "Perhaps I have been singling you out too much, but I promise I don't do it purposefully — I'm sorry. I admit I do enjoy teasing you, though. I've grown quite fond of that pout of yours, it's rather cute."

Ugh, no. This wasn't how this was supposed to go, you think. He wasn't supposed to have you speechless and red in the face. This isn't fair. You want to be furious but your heart is betraying you. It's clouding up your mind so much that you can't even stop the smile creeping on the corner of your lips. He's not making it much easier for your ego now either, because he's enjoying your bashful display a little too much for your liking. If only you could stop him from doing that thing; the thing where he chuckles and send butterflies rushing through your stomach. You just want to wipe that stupid, handsome smile off of his stupid, handsome face. And to both of your surprise, you actually do.

You don't even take time to consider your actions before you're catching his mouth onto yours. A deep, longing kiss — something you've secretly wanted since he first appeared in front of you. At first, he's rendered motionless from the shock, but soon you feel the heat rise onto his cheeks and he sinks into you. Your lips are even softer than he imagined and you never realized how intoxicatingly good he smells. It's only then when you realized what you've done; your mind is screaming at you to pull away but you can't. His mouth on yours is quelling the fire in your heart and besides, you couldn't move away even if you wanted to. You simply couldn't by the way his hands have trailed to your waist to pull you deeper into him. You, so badly, want to pretend like you hate this but it's like your whole body has given up and given in to how you truly feel: you are undeniably, foolishly, attracted to this man. Really, it's almost stupid how eager you are to be touched by him. At least one part of you is honest to your feelings. The only remnant of anger left in you is how mad you are at yourself for being bested by him, again. As always.

Then, it occurs to you: weren't you the one who pulled him into the kiss? Aren't you the one who's making him lose his usually composed demeanour and making him groan under his breath? You grin against his lips when it finally hits you: you are the one in control right now. He can tease you with words all he wants, but you've landed the first blow. Now, the nature of the game has changed. All caution has been thrown into the wind, and you've dedicated yourself to completely making a mess of him, even if you make a mess of yourself in the process.

It's your turn to make the next move. Kissing him with much more purpose and fervour, you gently take his bottom lip in between your teeth causing him to return the action. You tactfully graze your nails across his chest upwards towards the back of his head, letting his pink hair run between your fingers. He's pulling you in tighter now so your chest lies flush onto his — so close, you can feel each other's heartbeats rattling in your ribcage. You're not sure if he's doing this on purpose, but your breasts are pressed so nicely against his toned chest that even his breathing elicits a small whimper from you. His hands rub lightly up and down the small of your back, keeping you stuck against him. The arousal of it all threatens to throw you off track, but he unwittingly reminds you of your plan when he pulls away to tease you, "If I had known this is what you wanted, I would have revealed my affections for you sooner." His grip upon your waist had threatened to make you abandon all wits and give in to his touch, but when that dastardly smile appears on his face again, you're reminded of what you must do.

You're absolutely relishing in satisfaction when you shock him once more, because now you've wrapped your legs around his, straddling his lap, purposefully resting yourself on his growing bulge. For once, he's not quick to retaliate at your advances. This time, he's just mesmerized by your brazenness. He'd be lying if he said that he hasn't fantasized about this exact scenario countless times, that you weren't the first to come to mind on particularly lonely nights at the outpost. But he never, in his wildest dreams, thought he'd be spoiled like this today. He lets you make your next move by staying still; as if he were to move, he'd accidentally wake himself up and find this was all a dream. However, his hesitance is what's getting to you now. Why is he so quiet? Does he want me to move? Shit, if he doesn't like this, I should get off of him, ramble the doubts running through your mind. But as you attempt to shuffle off his lap, he catches you by the back again to keep your weight on top of him. You can't believe how needy he looks right now, so needy for you touch him. You have your confirmation — he's wrapped around your finger.

"Wow, you're so quiet now. That's very unlike you, Lance" you tease. "You need me to move, hm? Or would that be too much for you?" You smile at him smugly as you place your hands on his shoulders. "You don't need to hurry the pace on my behalf, sweetheart. Only go as fast as you can handle," he says, retaliating with a smirk. You think I can't handle this, huh? I'm gonna make you eat your words, you think to yourself. In a quick grind of your hips, you graze your clothed cunt against him causing both of you let out a sharp breath at the stimulation. God, maybe he was right. Maybe you can't handle this because this movement alone is driving you crazy. I mean, it definitely has been a while since you've hooked up with somebody, but this feeling is much more overwhelming than anything you remember. There's no way you'd be able to live it down if you were to cum on him just from this. Maybe I should stop while I'm ahead, you think to yourself. But he's giving you a look he's never showed you before — he looks so hungry and dazed. You can't stop now, not when you have him against the ropes like this. So you ease into a rhythm, using your grip on his shoulders as leverage to rock your clit onto his length.

This is bad. Really bad. You're absolutely dripping on his lap and moaning into his ear, and you're not even going that fast. Definitely not as nonchalant as you hoped you could be. Lucky for you, Lance doesn't seem to notice. Judging by how hard he is, he's probably too turned on to care. You just hope your wetness isn't soaking through your clothes. Still, you consciously slow down your pace to let yourself calm down. This, however, does catch Lance's attention. "Come on, what happened to that vigour? You can do better than that. Here..." he scolds, now grabbing the fat of your ass in each of his hands. "...allow me to help you with that." You whine at his sudden movements as he makes you rub faster against him. Moans keep slipping through your mouth no matter how hard you try to bite your lip to hide them. You can feel him buck his hips under you in perfect rhythm to his hands that pull you against his length. Fuck, why does he have to be so fucking good at this?

You can feel the knot in your stomach beginning to untie itself, ready to make you burst. Not good. You have to think of something, and think of it fast. He's still grinding you on top of his cock when you lean in for a kiss yet again, this time, pressing the weight of your chest entirely on top of him. You push forward against him so hard that the chair you're both supported upon nearly tips over, until he grabs table before you both fall. "Don't get too carried away now," he says with a smile. "Says you," you retort back breathily. His words are unwavering but you can see it; there's a bead of sweat dripping from his brow and he's breathing is erratic. He's not faring as well as he's leading on. It's time to make him pay for taking the reigns away from you.

With his grip loosened, you free yourself to stand in front of him, standing with your back facing toward him. He opens his mouth to tease you again, something like "It felt good for me too, darling. No need to be shy," but really, his assessment of the situation couldn't be further from the truth. He couldn't get the words out before you begin unbuttoning the top of your blouse, slowly and alluringly allowing the fabric to slip off of you. You can't see him, but you can practically feel his eyes burning a hole through you; he's got to be fucking you with his eyes by now. You peer over your shoulder as you slip your bra straps off of them, and oh my god, the look on his face. He's basically salivating at the sight of you and you're not even fully naked yet. You sneak him a cheeky smile and unclasp the last of the hooks on your bra, letting the article fall to the floor. He grabs at his throbbing cock while shuffling in his seat when he realizes how his pants are fitting much too tight right now. He badly wants to reach forward and turn you around so he can get a full view of your front, but before he can even get up from his chair, you're already slowly pulling your pants down to reveal the black lacy underwear underneath. Every obscene word he's ever known is threatening to leave his lips all at once and ruin his eloquent reputation — he can only contain himself by running his fingers through his hair; an act of self-soothing. You turn around in an unhurried pace leaving him to wait with bated breath, waiting to catch the full glimpse of you. And when you're fully exposed, he's completely awestruck.

"Stunning. Absolutely stunning," he praises, shaking his head in disbelief. You've never smiled wider than now as you watch him scan every part of you up and down. Still facing him, you sit yourself upon the bed. "Wanna take these off for me?" you say while darting your eyes down to your panties. Grinning from ear to ear, he gets up and walks toward you in response. You fully extend your arm and with an open palm, stopping him from approaching. "Hm actually, nope. It's your turn now," you chide. "Show me what I'm working with first."

He lets out a chuckle at your command, but he's quick to oblige. "As you wish, sweetheart." You can't even get yourself to hate the little nickname he attaches at the end of his sentence — it just sounds so sexy when he's stripping down in front of you like this. He expertly unbuttons his shirt to reveal his muscular body. You hope that your inner thoughts can remain hidden because right now, they're screaming about how incredibly attractive he is. You would have bet that he'd be well in shape but god, he's a work of art. Much like yours, his shirt falls to the floor with a light thud, allowing you to take in his every feature. He's so hot, it's almost unfair. Soon, the sound of his belt buckle being undone echoes around the room. He stops himself after unbuttoning the top of his pants before looking at you, "Is this what you're looking for?" gesturing his eyes towards his bulge. Swallowing thickly, you mumble as clever of a response you can muster, "Maybe, not bad so far." He knows you're lying through your teeth by the way you bite your lip, how your eyes track his hands as he slowly slips his pants down past his waist. Your lips are raw and slightly swollen from how much you've had to bite down on them today because your pride truly depends on it. But the moment his pants hit the floor, your pride seems to matter much, much less than your need to have him entirely.

You're too mesmerized by his near naked body that you hardly notice he's standing right in front of you now, leaning inches over you with his arms supporting his weight upon the bed. Face to face with one another, you stare into each other's eyes intensely — anticipating the next move. "Well, what are you waiting for?" you say with a provoking smile, "Take these off of me." He dives in for a kiss, one that leaves you breathless and lightheaded. Before long, he's placing kisses down your body, grazing his fingers over your nipples to make you squirm beneath him. His hands tease around your body until they land themselves under near the waistband of your underwear, and with a swift tug, he pulls them past your ankles. Instinctively, you want to close your legs to shield yourself from exposure, but his hands are already placed upon your knees, preventing you from covering the view he wants to see so badly. And what a view it is. The sight of your pretty wet pussy makes him swear under his breath.

"Fuck..." he curses softly then quickly clears his throat to conceal his profanity, "So perfect." He runs his fingers from your knee up to the inside of your thighs, itching to reach your centre. His touch sends shivers down your spine — you just can't believe this actually happening. You've touched yourself an embarrassing amount of times to this fantasy and now, his hand is gently resting upon your pelvis. Any animosity you think you had for him has disappeared almost entirely as you quiver beneath him. He hovers his hand over your desperate cunt for what feels like an eternity before he looks up at you to ask, "may I?" At the nod of your head, he glides two fingers over your slit. A loud moan unabashedly escapes your mouth and he strokes from your entrance up to your clit. His calloused fingers are both rough and sickeningly soft at the same time, it's all too much to bear. You subconsciously reach out to the hand dipped between your thighs, trying to restrain him from sending you over your limit. This only prompts him to apply more pressure to your clit, gently rubbing circles around the bud. Your hips uncontrollably buck against his movements and he just watches. Watches how you throw your head back in pleasure and how you desperately try to hang on to your bearings. He's going to have to check his ego later, because it's absolutely being stroked by the way you convulse from his touch.

He just can't help it. Your slick just coats his fingers so perfectly, he just has to plunge them inside your needy cunt. That's what you're waiting for, isn't it? It must be, by the way you let him slide in his digits in with such ease. His fingers are are so much longer and thicker than yours; they fill your pussy so much deeper than you can by yourself. Just two fingers is all is takes to arch your back in pleasure and grab a fistful of his bedding for stability. You're already losing your mind, but this is just a sign for him to keep plunging in and out of you. A sign for him to curl his fingers upward as he pumps them inside your cunt, coaxing your orgasm out from the deepest parts of you. Oh god. You can definitely feel it now. Your high is clawing its way out with every push into your core. It's too fucking good, is all you can think but your lewd cries are begging for more. Begging for more fullness, begging for his cock to bury itself deep inside you. Setting aside your pride, you muster a pitiful plea that targets his primal instincts, "P-please." Your tone makes him stop, yet his fingers are still buried to the knuckle inside you to feel how you clench around him. The headstrong adventurer beneath him has been reduced to a meek little lamb, and his hero's intuition wants to soothe the small voice that's begging for his attention.

"What is it, angel? Are you not satisfied?" he asks softly, lightly scissoring his two fingers inside you. "Please what? I can't help you if you don't tell me." His words would usually suggest he's teasing you but the way he's caressing your cheek has you thinking that he is actually looking to offer you some relief. So you answer him in kind by reaching out with both of your hands, caressing his face and breathily pleading, "Please...let me ride you. I wanna feel you." Placing a soft but deep kiss on your lips, he catches the whines falling from your mouth when he frees his fingers from inside you. "As you wish," he obediently assures you against your open mouth. You stare at the ceiling, panting erratically to calm yourself from the loss of stimulation. Meanwhile, Lance is already positioning himself to lay flat on the bed, his head at the top of the headrest. The bed's shifting weight snaps you back down to earth, just enough for you to turn around for the sight that, quite literally, lays before you.

He's pulled down his underwear to reveal his thick, throbbing cock — patiently waiting for you to mount him just like you asked to. For a moment, you're just stuck. Completely hypnotized by his length, your mind races with thoughts of him entirely enveloped inside you. The hunger in your eyes must have been enough of a clue to him, because now he holds himself by the shaft for you to ogle at. Then, as if your body is moving on its own, you slowly approach him. Presenting your hips on his lap until your slit is mere inches away from his dick. You're just taking the time to admire his length, but your hesitance is like torture. You're so close to him, yet so far away. The way your pretty pussy is drenching his thighs tempts him to bully himself into you, but suddenly your hand reaches for his tip. He sharply exhales as you palm the head of his cock, making his whole length glisten in his precum. Just moments ago, he was fingering you to submission, but now, he's at your mercy. Gripping the shaft, you grind his wetted tip against your clit; mixing your wetness with his. You'd revel in the way you make him shudder for much longer, but your own patience is reaching its end. Your knees planted on each of his sides, you guide him to your entrance.

"Come get what you asked for," he begs with a growl, his voice bellowing from the recesses of his throat, "give it to m-" His words end abruptly when you lower yourself onto his length. "Holy shit," you whisper — his tip has barely entered your wet hole yet you feel yourself being stretched by his size. He's groaning and gripping your thighs tightly from the way your cunt squeezes him. You place your hands on his abs for support to push his thick cock deeper and deeper into you, all the while trying to ignore the jolts of pleasure coursing through you. And with a soft clap of your ass on his thighs and pained moan from his mouth, he's entirely inside you — pulsing and throbbing against your cervix. His girth fills you so perfectly that your legs start to shake. You're already so drunk on his cock that your words come out slurred, just barely coherent. "Big..." you lazily mumble, making him hum in response. "It's so...big." Utter overwhelm washes over you both, so much so that you can't muster the strength to tease each other. Completely humbled by the pleasure of just being connected.

You're both still for a moment, like you've made a silent agreement to savour the feeling — not daring to move at the risk of reaching your peaks before the fun had begun. But every second you wait allows you to feel how he fills you to the brim, his shape moulding into you. He's not doing much better, not when your needy cunt is threatening to milk him dry. As soon as you feel accustomed to his size, you ask for his permission to move, echoing back his earlier gesture, "may I?" His hands find place above your hips, his eyes fixed with furrowed brows to where you're connected. Finally, he grants your wish, "Please."

Lifting yourself up by the knees, you pull yourself to his tip just to ease him back into you. A mess of slick leaking out of you as you push his hard cock into your depths. The first thrust is intense but oh so addicting. So you lift yourself up again, this time, lowering yourself with more enthusiasm. The sound of your dripping cunt smacking into his base is quickly followed by a slew of groans from both your mouths. The sounds, the heat, the rollercoaster of pleasure…it's so hard not to indulge in it all. So, naturally indulge is exactly what you do. You lock into a rhythm, bouncing up and down on his dick like it was made for you. The caution in your movements have long disappeared as you grind and rock his length into you over and over again. The sight below you just encourages you to fuck him into you with more fervour, plunging his cock as deep as your pussy allows. Lance looks into your eyes like he worships you, heaving and muttering profanities under his breath. Can you really blame him? His view of you is tantalizing; your greedy cunt gushes all over him as his cock disappears inside you, tits bouncing at your rhythm, and your face. God, your face has him going feral with admiration of you. So honest and revealing of how much you've wanted him this whole time.

Your pace is becoming off-beat the closer and closer to cumming you get. A small part of you was clinging onto the hope that you'd make him cum first, but that plan is damned by how good it feels. I don't care anymore — I just wanna fucking cum, you think as you bring a hand to your puffy clit, rubbing rough circles around it. You're so goddamn close but your legs are giving out before you can feel your release, just edging you away from your orgasm. But like he can interpret your petulant whines, he lifts you by your waist and bucks his hips violently upward into your spasming cunt to resume the pace. "Don't slow down now," he commands with ragged breath; his sentence fragmented by his careless thrusts into you, "You're so close, I can feel it. Don't stop, cum for me." He fucks up into you with so much strength that you reach one arm backward to hold on his thigh for stability, the other listening to his demands and rubbing you anxiously toward your orgasm. The clapping of your bodies get faster and faster, then suddenly, it stops. Only the sound of his name echoes around the room and he rocks deeply into you through your orgasm. Your head is thrown back as you convulse wildly on his cock, still nestled against your cervix. It's the only thing you can feel as the earth shatters around you. You're only brought down to reality by his soft coos entering your ears, "that's it, angel. That's it."

Your body slumps weakly as the tension slips away. Leaning forward, he presses kisses on your neck, whispering praises against your skin. Praising you for how well you took it, for how good you're being right now. Even if all he could do today is make you reach your high, he'd be more than satisfied. That's why it's so surprising when you turn yourself around and bend your tired body before him. Your face rests steadily on the bed as you gently wiggle your hips to invite him in. You can't see it, but his face lights up into a wide grin. "My god, you're insatiable," he teases, giving your ass a light smack as he lines himself up to you. Even in your fucked out bliss, you find the strength to tease him back, "Gotta finish what I started, don't I?" Without much thought, he shoves his cock back into you with rough thrusts. Your overstimulated pussy takes him back with ease, letting him plow harder and harder into you. Your muffled cries sink into the sheets as he pounds you, you can't hear anything but the sounds of sex and his grunts. He leans over to whisper to you, now thrusting deeper than he could before, "Don't worry, I'm c-close. So…close." You're so eager to please, you lean backward into him, coaxing him closer to his own orgasm. He moans louder and louder until one word signals his impending high, "Y-yes…" He was so close to filling you before he pulls out, spilling his cum on your back while he strokes the top of his dick. With gravelly groans, he lets his hot seed spurt out of him, covering your backside in white.

Still leaning forward on you, he rests his sweat-covered forehead near the nape of your neck, spreading hot breath down your spine. And just like the way you started, you fall back into the silent agreement of stillness. The thick air in the room slowly thins as your breathing grows slower, and slower in pace. You shiver from the cool air of his body leaving yours, only to have him return to wipe you clean with a cloth from his nightstand. Once he wipes you down, he tosses the cloth to his desk and lays himself beside you. Rolling over to look at the ceiling, you find yourself perfectly parallel to him; your shoulder just grazing his. The moment is both awkward yet comforting — lying quietly beside him as you wrap your head around about the night's events. It's rare for you to find peace within each other's company like this, so neither of you decide to break the silence for some time.

Your eyes begin to flutter closed until his voice spurs you awake, "Well, I was certainly not expecting this today," he chuckles, "But I'm not foolish enough to complain." For once, you laugh alongside him. "Yeah, but you are foolish enough to get seduced by me," you snicker. He perches himself up by the elbows to beam at you, "Is that so? Am I incorrect in assuming you enjoyed it too, hm?" he probes, hoping to call you out on your bluff. With a hiss leaving your gritted teeth, you admit, "Ha, yeah. Fine. You're not wrong... But don't get used it." You smile at the ceiling with your eyes closed, amused by your back and forth. Even with your eyes closed, you can tell he's still looking you until you feel him lie back down beside you. He's just staring at the ceiling too, pondering his next words carefully.

"Well, that is a shame. If I'm honest, I wouldn't mind this being a regular occurrence." You wish you could stop yourself from smiling at his admission but it's impossible — there is simply no restraint left in you to hold back. He continues on, "But, if you'd rather this be an isolated incident, I'll honour your wishes. It'll be hard to forget tonight, but I will try my best to do so."

You let out a deep sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose with your index and thumb. You take a few seconds to listen to the arguing voices in your mind. On one hand, this was totally unexpected and definitely not what you intended when you started the confrontation. You're still a little scorned from his nitpicking over the past few months, but is there really a way to go back to where you two were before? On the other hand, god, you needed this. You've sworn yourself off relationships for a while the moment you packed your life away from the city. You just want a simple life where the only drama you have is from adrenaline-fuelled adventuring. But nearly two years into the valley, your fingers and toys are hardly enough to satisfy you. You've got needs too, don't you? And yeah, fine. You admit, you couldn't ask for a better person to meet your needs if you tried. The prideful side of you wants to scoff and shoo him away, but every other part of you knows exactly what you want.

Against your better judgement, you blurt out, "Okay…so what if this was a regular occurrence?" Wait, did you just say that out loud? Well, it's too late now to take a step back isn't it? He's already looking at you with his eyebrow raised, so you continue, "I mean…I'm not sure if I want a relationship right now, exactly. But…" It's your turn to perch yourself on your elbows to look at him.

"Okay, look. You're busy all the time, and so am I. But we're adults with needs, right? So how about we continue—whatever this is—no feelings attached, hm? No need for labels or expectations, just two adults blowing off steam." God, this is embarrassing. You've never attempted a relationship like this before and now you're trying to establish one with the guy you swear you hated up until an hour ago? What the fuck am I doing? Doubts start creeping on you again, nearly causing you to spit out a mess of words to take back everything you offered, but he cuts in before you can.

"Hm…yes. I think this arrangement would work for me," he ponders with a hand to his chin, not noticing your mouth agape from his agreement. "I am busy, that much is true. With my schedule, a committed relationship hasn't been able to fit in with my lifestyle. And it would be ideal to do such things with someone I could trust…" his sentences trail off with a lilt, as if he's thinking out loud before trailing off.

You catch him off guard and complete his thought, you sit up to face him and extend your right hand. "So is it a deal?"

Sitting up to match your height, he stares at you for a moment, contemplating what he's about to get himself into. Then, he cheekily smirks and with a firm grip on your hand, he seals the agreement.

"It's a deal."

PART ONE — EPILOGUE

Marlon grunts as he lifts himself up from the edge of his boat, stretching out his aching knee from the lengthy voyage. It's no secret that the adventurer is getting older, but these trips are still a breeze for him — minus the small tinges of pain from his joints, of course. After laying down his anchor and tying the ship to the dock, he retrieves his lantern among his belongings to make his way up to the outpost tower. The Highlands is his last stop to report to after his meeting with the Castle Village Guard. The sun has just dipped below the horizon now, so he hopes it won't be too much trouble to ask to rest up in the guard tower before setting sail again.

Once he reaches the top of the steps, he notices that Lance isn't stationed in his usual spot by the balcony. This is an uncommon sight, but not unheard of. More than likely, it usually means he's locked in focus with his research inside. But as Marlon approaches the tower, he's alarmed by loud groans sounds coming from within the room. Resting his hand against his scabbard, he slowly approaches the door, so as to not alert whatever creature has made its way into the outpost. Carefully stepping inches within the door, he gently places his ear against the wood before pulling quickly away. "Oh for fuck's sake," he mutters, his face now red with embarrassment. He released his grip on his weapon to plant his face firmly into his palm. Quickly stepping away from the tower, he mumbles annoyedly under his breath, "It's about fucking time."

Climbing back into the boat at the docks, he decides he'll just sleep there instead. Looks like Marlon has a long night ahead of him, at least until you finish up and notice him in the morning.

—

END OF PART 1/2

[kneelingshadowsalome]

okay but WHAT IF

engel asks for a custom dildo specifically molded after his cock. könig gets it, he understands, she gets lonely when he’s not around, and as a gift he does allow her that one thing.

but suddenly, one day, while getting freaky, she pops the question, “what if i used your own cock on you?” and something like, “will you let me fuck you if i had a strap with your dick on it? will you take it like i did?” and she’s not even being dominant about it, she just babbles it out all cutesy and needy just how he likes it cause she knows that he could never say no to her when she’s like that.

and könig is just so conflicted. he wants to say no and abide by traditional norms of sex, but it’s his engel and not only that, but… you can’t tell me he wasn’t even remotely curious about exploring that particular side of sex, a woman lovingly fucking another man with a strap, something about being able to be completely and utterly vulnerable with her on that level, and feel pleasure from it all too… it’s like she’s reawakening something in him that he’s been shoving down for years because… issues…

what will könig do?

YES YES YESSS!! ❤️

I was thinking about this exact scenario and you're so lovely to send me such poetry about this because König getting pegged with his own dick?!??! I'm biting the dry wall, the screen, the bars of my enclosure because this would make his brain tick and itch and *explode*. Because:

1. Engel is a freaky girl and would def suggest something like this and in such a cute, adorable, innocent way too that König nearly melts on the spot.

2. And you're so right: he can't say no to her. He can't deny his sweet angel anything so of course she gets what she wants.

3. The thought of trying his own dick also does things to him. He doesn't know what it is and why the fuck would he even want to try it, but hey, it is what it is and he's going to take it like a man. (We already know it's his suppressed homoerotic tendencies having a ball here but would he ever acknowledge them in any way? Haha nope. Also even the thought of trying his own cock gives him some sort of sick satisfaction 👀)

4. "Will you take it like I did?" combined with Engel's *innocent angel blinking* would be the last straw. He can fucking take it, no problem.

5. König looks all but confident when the time comes though. Nu-uh, this was a big mistake, a huge mistake, what the hell, how can Engel take all of this—

Meanwhile Engel is like "Baby, are you okay? 😥"

König: "Ja ja ja, keep going, all good..."

6. Even with the proper prepping, the abundant encouragement and soft giggles he receives from his sweet angel, it's an arduous business! Most extreme things he has ever done, and that's saying something...

But because Engel is a sweet little thing, she makes love to him very gently and he ends up cumming in record time, all over himself, after sweating a bucket and gritting his teeth and shedding a few tears of love and frustration and pleasure ❤️

Engel looks a bit disappointed because "Already...?" :(( Does this mean no more pegging...?

(And also: did she do well? ❤️ Will she get treats and praises and kisses now? Maybe some fingering and tongue, pwetty please?)

[whumpinthepot]

Hamster Interactive Story

Chapter 14. Questions

Prev - Masterlist

Content: Food mention, being trapped, emeto mention (in passing), infection mention (in passing), bugs, selective mutism and description of having a breakdown over it. Pet trope, giant/tiny, angst. Let me know if I forgot any. 

Pov: Hamster

Poll winner: (People sent in questions) 

ART, WRITING, AND POLL UNDER THE CUT!!

Info dump chapter we love to see it :)) also If you have any requests for the ending send them to me because im planning to end the story soon! 

—

“I know you don’t talk but… Can you talk? I mean physically. What's stopping you? Were you trained not to, or took a vow of silence, or what?” That is the first question Soap asks you, which catches you by surprise as you finish eating the last piece of grape. 

You breathe in deep, getting lost in thought on how you could possibly answer him. It's not that you can’t physically talk if you need to but… Something always stops you when you try. Like a wall that you can’t climb over, blocking your voice and closing your throat up. It makes your chest hurt and your cheeks blaze hot. Even now when you think of vocalizing an answer your head spins and the urge to run away pulses in your legs. 

“Uhh, touchy subject or what?” Soap snaps you out of the panic and you’re startled by his voice. 

Or maybe it is that you can’t physically talk, seeing as how when you try, the urge to throw up is greater than the urge to say a simple word. You cover your mouth with a plump hand and shake your head vigorously. Maybe he’ll stop asking about it and you can happily stop trying to answer him. 

“Okay...” He sounds unimpressed, like he doesn’t believe you. 

In an attempt to change the subject you ask him a question next, choosing an equally invasive one at that. You point at his doll leg, and tilt your head. 

Soap sighs, leaning against the bars of his enclosure, but he does answer, “I was bit by a bug and it got infected. End of story. Sorry to disappoint, it wasn't a cat attack or anything fun like that.” 

Your eyes go wide, finding a new found fear of bugs. If any ended up in your cage you would simply pass away. Your body shivers the feelings out of you, and you point at his hair next. It's short now… 

Soap scoffs, “Your owner is to thank for that. Thanks a fucking lot, Ashley!” He yells in a random direction, which is funny because Ashley isn’t even here. You cover your smile with your hands, knowing he wasn’t trying to be humorous even if it came off that way. 

“Well? Got any more snacks?” He asks, “I’m stuck with these stupid dry pellets. Does she know that's not food? She’s trying to kill me in here.” 

You doubt that Ashley is trying to kill him, since she promised you that you could keep him as a new friend. You’ll happily give him more snacks, especially if that’ll make him happy! You smile and nod, leaving him again for several minutes to go back to your food dish to scavenge. 

You come back with an armful of finds, offering him a carrot slice, and some cheerios. You smile away at him as he gingerly takes them, finding him a lot less scary when he’s stuck in his enclosure. He can’t hurt you in there, and your dreams came true! You have a friend your own size now. 

Soap asks you another question while breaking the cheerio into more manageable pieces. “Is your name really Hamster? Like, that's the name you were born with? I somehow doubt that…” 

Your eyebrows crease, finding it odd how suspicious he is of you. His name is SOAP for heaven’s sake! You nod and shrug. Any name you had beforehand was just a placeholder. Hamster is your name now that's all that matters. You ask him the question back by pointing at him, hoping he’ll get the gist. 

“My name?” He asks. 

Oh good, he understood. 

“Of course it's my real name. Soap Scrub. I was named that because I slept in a soap dish as a baby. You wouldn’t know, but it’s a traditional way of naming in our culture. Or maybe you would- Hamster because you live in a hamster cage.” Now he thinks he’s humorous and smirks at you. 

You don’t get the joke, because it's true and makes sense. You just nod. It's cool learning about Tinies culture. You sit down criss-cross on the counter so you can listen to him more, resting your hands on your chin. 

“Where did you even come from?” Soap’s question has underlining skepticism, and he rattles out a few options for you to say yes or no to. “Were you captured like me?” 

You shake your head. Feeling kind of bad for him.

“Alright. I wouldn’t expect you to understand why I’m so pissed then,” he huffs. “Let's see. Born into the family? Ashley’s family I mean. Obviously.” 

You shake your head again. Trying to picture Ashley as a little kid. Would she have been a kid when you were? You don’t know how old anyone is so you guess it doesn’t really matter. 

“Bought at a… Pet store?” Soap lowers his voice, his shoulders squared with discomfort. 

You suppose that's a good enough answer, even if the truth is warped a bit. You nod. You came from Ashley’s work at a pet facility! 

“God…” Soap shifts uncomfortably and looks away from you for a minute. He seems drained from this question game. You’re not, however, and wave at him so you can ask him the same thing back. Pointing at him yet again with a hopeful smile. 

“Where did I come from?” His voice is strained and he brushes back his lack of hair. “Somewhere normal. A normal family, a normal life, something you wouldn’t understand.” 

He is trying to hurt your feelings. You just don’t understand why. You frown at him with a pouty lip. 

“Don’t give me that. You’re clearly not locked up, so why do you stay with her? Are you scared of her? Now that you can see you don’t have to be stuck with her. I could… We could leave… Together if you wanted. If you help me out of here.” 

He is trying to bait you, but his words hold a sort of desperation that struck a chord. You love Ashley. It would break her heart if you left her. You couldn’t. You shake your head in defiance and turn away from him. Maybe this conversation is over. You should go back to your cage and leave him alone. 

Just as you get up and start to walk away he yells after you, “Wait! Please-“ 

Then his voice lowers “I… I’m sorry. Don’t leave. I wanted to ask a few more questions… About tonight.” It’s clear in his tone that he’s scared. Maybe you’re not scared of Ashley, but he is. 

You give him another chance and walk back, waiting to hear him out. 

“Do you think she’ll make me do the photoshoot with you?” 

Ashley mentioned it before, so it makes sense that she would want to include him, but you’re not entirely sure if tonight is the night so you shrug. After all, the photoshoots slowed down when you had the cast on, and right now he’s covered in bandages. Still, you can’t promise anything. 

“Have you ever refused to do it?” His eyes are testing. Hopefully he isnt thinking of trying his hand at saying no to her. Ashley isn’t as forgiving with him… 

You have indeed refused to do them before, when you weren’t feeling well, but Ashley is always nice to you. You doubt the same results would show for Soap Scrub. 

Tentatively you nod your head. 

“And she let you?”

You nod your head. 

His brows crease. “Do you even like doing them? She’s playing with you like a doll…” 

You nod again after a pause at the strange retort. You love being a model! It’s so much fun, and beats being bored in your cage all day. 

He’s nervous and you don’t blame him. Though you’re unsure how to ease his nerves, so you sit with him and answer any questions you’re able to until Ashley comes home. Its then you go back to your cage so she’s not worried when she comes in. 

Ashley greets you and Soap when she comes into the kitchen, but otherwise leaves you alone until after dinner when its time for the photoshoot. 

Miraculously, Ashley doesn’t force soap into the shoot. She only has him watch so he can see what they’re like and what to expect. 

Its not for another week or two that she proposes the idea, and by then Soap has seemed to have accepted his position, from what you can tell. He’s less terrified over all, or hiding it better.

—

Gonna try clumping my taglist lmk if theres any issues please!

Tag list: @frogkingdom @verkja @whumpsday @octopus-reactivated @marvel-gt @rsitb-second-account @fallen-grace-smd @winged-wolf-s-collection-of-arts @kyp-the-spacekiwi @ilasknives @hollowgast1 @redd956 @zobodahobo @alittlewhump @blackrosesandwhump @angst-after-dark @sandygarnelle @coppercoyoti @kim-poce @mayisreallygay @smoll-stace @demondamage @vickytokio @whump-in-the-closet @shadowsnowdapple @whumpy-wyrms @re-whump @cypresscove @whumpninja @highlighterwhump @taters169 @justagiantpotato

[onenicebugperday]

@ilaac-art submitted: Hello, do you know what this Roly Poly is doing? :o

I thought it might be laying eggs, but I don't see anything come out. And I think Roly Polys carry their eggs around in a pouch. So, any idea what that movement is? (And correct me if I'm wrong xD)

Hydroregulation! Their lungs are under their hind end and they need to be wet to breathe, but not too wet. I'm guessing you just misted the enclosure, and it's a bit too wet for their liking currently. They'll also do this if it's too dry and they're trying to wick water up into their lungs.

[catboybiologist]

Minor Grumpus update!

I had the little guy on AstroTurf for a while. This is not a good long term arrangement for a tortoise like him- they need to have something to shovel through and burrow. But, in the wild, these tortoises hibernate. It's very difficult to manually trigger full hibernation in a pet setting, but periods of pseudo-hibernation and extremely low activity are common without interference. The sentient rock pictured here had clearly entered one of those periods of time, essentially sleeping for almost the entire day, unless disturbed when he was fed. I THOUGHT that the lil reptilian borgir would be like that until spring, so admittedly, his enclosure got a bit bare bones and sloppy. I took out his permanent dry feed because he wasn't touching it and I didn't want to attract nasty growth, reduced the frequency of his fresh feed, kept him on AstroTurf, stopped taking him outside and started vitamin D supplementing him instead, and generally just left him alone to sleep the winter away in his unlit area (the dark part behind the arch in the picture). Until I woke up one day to his food dish flipped and scattered across the enclosure, water spilled over the AstroTurf, rock dislodged and being pushed across his cage, and the lil tank puppy looking at me with the tortoise equivalent of a shit eating grin, scratching happily away at the wooden frame of his enclosure as a way of complaining about the lack of digging substrate. He's been like that for several days and doesn't seem like he's gonna stop.

His previous owners used rabbit feed pellets as a substrate, which works very well for him, so he's on that now. His dry feed is back, and he's on a full time fresh food schedule. I'm also going to gather more pebbles and possibly another climbing rock for enrichment, which I was planning to do closer to when I expected him to be more active- but guess I gotta do it now! If anyone has any suggestions for cute tortoise enrichment, I'm all ears, but I'm mostly going to try buried food, pebbles for pushing/stacking, and maybe another climbing rock.

The smol criminal in question

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Fuck it *Saturday*

Thank you @exhuastedpigeon @wildlife4life @diazsdimples and @theotherbuckley for tagging me! Please consider this your tag for Inspiration Saturday.

A little late because I'm at the lake this weekend. Got *just* intoxicated enough to go swimming in the icy water with my dog.

Anyway, here is a snippet from the next chapter of Any Other Way - RIGHT before something big is about to happen.

---

A little bit after lunch, the three of them are hanging out around the sloth exhibit, which is actually as fun as watching paint dry, considering the sloth is static somewhere, out of sight. They’re more or less just waiting, looking at leaves. Eddie would move on, but Christopher is insistent that they see a sloth. 

“They’re so cute!” Christopher reasons. “Please, Eddie. Can we wait a little longer?”

Hard to argue with that, when Eddie is looking at the cutest tiny person in all of existence.

So they wait for the damn sloth. Eddie genuinely cannot imagine a less interesting animal.

Christopher is leaning against the railing of the enclosure while Buck and Eddie hang back a bit, chatting, and trying to ignore the fact that they may be stuck here for seventy-five years, waiting inspiration to strike earth’s slowest fucking creature to move its ass. 

“Did you know,” Buck says quietly. “Sloths the size of, like, elephants existed eight thousand years ago?”

Eddie frowns at him. “Ginormous sloths?”

“Yeah,” Buck confirms.

“You’re full of it.”

“Am not!” Buck protests. 

“That doesn’t even make any sense. How would they hang from trees?” 

“I-I don’t know that they did?” 

“Well, what else does a sloth do, Buck?”

“I don’t know! Walked around South America and looked cool as hell?”

Eddie opens his mouth to reply, but is cut off by the sound of Christopher gasping.

---

No pressure tagging for Inspiration Saturday @pantsaretherealheroes @jeeyuns @aroeddiediaz @fionaswhvre @steadfastsaturnsrings @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @mangacat201 @daughterofscotland @evanbegins @tizniz @wildlife4life @devonwritesstuff @disasterbuckdiaz @adarkermiserablecrow @epicbuddieficrecs @fortheloveofbuddie @your-catfish-friend

[garf-lover96]

oh my god i literally wrote this in like an hour while watching fleabag because i got an idea for something like this in the shower. it's a short Rowan x Julian fic but there's honestly so little information about the 1st person that it can be treated as an imagine. there could be mistakes because i wrote it in an hour. i had to get it out before i forgot about the concept so i didn't want to put it off for the morning. i'm going to sleep soon, this is a very goodnight fic :)

———

"Would you love me if I were a worm?"

The question makes me stir from my shallow sleep. I rub my eyes open to look up at still wide awake Julian.

"...Could you repeat that, please?"

I angle my head from my spot on the bed to see him better. Truthfully, I heard what he said but I think I just need a second to get my full consciousness back.

"I asked 'Would you love me if I were a worm?'"

I squint at him a little, trying to see his face more clearly in the dim candlelight. He has such a thoughtful expression while he speaks those bizarre words. I feel like I'm still dreaming.

"Did Portia tell you to ask that?"

"Huh? Of course not, why?"

"It just... Seems like something she'd come up with, I guess."

"Ah, no, I just overheard it somewhere. And I wanted your honest opinion."

He raises his eyebrows, trying to coax an answer out of me. I just stare at him for a moment longer before zoning back in and trying to think of an answer.

"Uhh... Let's just set the scene here, this is a lot to consider... So do you mean to ask me if I would've still fallen in love with you if you were born a worm or if I'd still love you if you happened to be turned into a worm in this moment?"

I'm actually proud of myself for making that sound comprehensible. Then I see Julian's eyes wander in thought.

"I suppose the latter would make more sense."

"Would it still be you in that little worm body? I mean, would you be aware that you were transformed into a worm?"

"Yes, let's go with that."

"...And how long would you remain as a worm anyway?"

"Sayyy... A week. A week of your lovely partner as a slimy little critter. Wriggling around and... Eating dirt. Consciously, of course."

Of course he plays along. I'd expect nothing less from him. I shift a little again, hugging a pillow to the side of my face.

"Let's see... I'd have to get some sort of comfortable enclosure for you so that your body doesn't dry out, I imagine. So you would probably have to sleep in there... Ah, but if I got something mobile enough I could just place it on your pillow so that you'd be close to me anyway. Hrm... How distressed do you think you'd be upon finding out you're a worm?"

I trailed off of the original topic a bit there, but he doesn't seem to mind.

"I'm not sure what spectrum of emotion a worm has... But the highest possible worm anxiety level seems accurate."

I nod thoughtfully. This is turning out to be a quite interesting late night improv session. It's probably worth being a little more tired than usual in the morning.

"Ohhh, then I could stroke a finger over your little slimy body so that you wouldn't be so miserable..."

"You'd touch me? You hate touching bugs."

"To be fair, worms are invertebrates. Anddd... I guess my distaste for insects could very well be overriden by my love for you."

Ah, he's melting now. I accidentally said something unbelievably romantic. It always seems to happen at the most unexpected times... I wrinkle my nose playfully at the kiss he presses to my lips.

"Did that answer your question?"

I don't know why I even asked that. He clearly looks positively lovestruck, his tired gray eyes looking at my face with reverence.

"I expected nothing less from you, my love."

I lean forward to place a small kiss on the bridge of his nose.

"I could also probably leave some coffee beans in your dirt. You know, for enrichment."

"You're so lovely and thoughtful..."

He buries his face in my shoulder and wraps his arms around my waist. That's when I finally close my eyes again. I rest better knowing that my ability to make him swoon doesn't disappear even when I'm half asleep.

[rotclaw]

to my fellow bearded dragon owners- this video was made by an australian veterinarian specializing in exotics, BeardieVet. it has tons of info on proper beardie care and i highly recommend watching/listening to it when possible (it's quite long at nearly 4 hours)

here's a long comprehensive list of info, copied from a reddit comment

• Bearded dragons do not bask all day. They come out in the morning and in the evening to bask for a bit

• If you have warm nights, your dragon will bask less. They will only bask based on their body needs and if they are warm all night they do not have a need to bask

• It can get as low as 5°C/41°F at night in Australia during spring and typically is about 11°‐12°C/51.8°‐53.6°F in their burrows

• Preferred core temp for their body is 36.3°C/97.34°F. This is achieved with a basking spot of about 42°C/107.6°F

• They do not have bile acids to ingest vitamin D3. They get this vitamin through proper UV

• Average preferred UVI is 4.1, but any where in the range of 3.8-4.5 is acceptable

• A high amount of bright visible light is needed for them. They know to go to the bright light to bask

• A heat bulb with visible light and UVA (like a halogen bulb), a proper linear UVB bulb, and a full spectrum LED bulb are the preferred lights used to achieve a proper LUX (perceived brightness)

• They are considered beginner pets because they are so robust that they can stay sick for so long without showing signs (not because they are easy to care for)

• Humidity isn't an issue by itself (they actually seek out humidity microclimates). It's high humidity combined with improper temps that causes issues

• They are very active animals and the main reason they aren't active in captivity is because they are bored

• Bare minimum size enclosure is 4x2x2. This is really needed in order to get proper UVI and temps. 5x3x3 would be better.

• They spend a lot of time higher up (more males than females) to be able to survey their territory in places like bushes and trees (not something like a hammock)

• They like to be able to see their surroundings fully

• Deep Heat Projectors are unnatural wavelengths and cause them to dry out which increases water loss

• In the wild they will sleep out in the open in 15°C/59°F, but will go into a burrow with anything under 10°C/50°F

• "Brumation" during our summer months is due to increased temps that cause them to stay sheltered to reserve their energy

• Substrate in Australia is 0.3% gravel, 1.5% silt, 2.3% clay, 95.9% fine sand (quartz & iron oxide)

• If they try to ingest their substrate it's a nutritional deficiency or a psychological reason: not proper UV, fed high phosphorus & low calcium, MBD & parasites, husbandry issues

• If you don't have loose substrate, you're depriving them of one of their 5 freedom rights

• Straight play sand isn't the best because it lacks clay

• Pin worms are needed to break down cellulose

• An overload of parasites is due to poor husbandry. The parasites are a secondary issue, so fix the husbandry and the parasites will go back in check

• No loose substrate equals a loss in muscle mass and causes stress on the joints, this becomes a welfare issue

• Keepers that bathe their dragons so they can defecate that is trying to solve a problem that's caused by poor husbandry (i.e. temps not high enough, parasite overload, not enough UV)

• If your husbandry is correct, you should not have to bathe them at all. It's not something they typically do (sit in puddles of water). Unless of course they are visibly soiled

• They should be able to do normal bodily functions on their own. If they can't, it's a welfare issue

• They do not absorb through their skin or their cloaca. They are not designed to take water in that way.

• They should be getting enough water from their food. You can mist them (from above not straight in the face) and the enclosure to mimic rain as well once a week. This will create little spots for them to drink from too

• Some causes of MBD include: not enough vitamin D production, not enough heat, not enough calcium, and too much phosphorus

• In the wild they eat a lot of flowers, wild sage, hibiscus, and Australian blue bells

• We grow them way too fast in captivity. It should take them 2 years to grow to full size, not 6 months

• Babies should get 5-6 protein items (about the size that is between their eyes) a day

• Adults should get 3-4 protein items (about the size that is between their eyes) 3 days a week and 3 times that in greens

• They do not need to eat if they are overweight

• Absolutely no fruit ever. They do not eat any in the wild at all and it causes dental disease and fungal cultures

• All protein items should be dusted with calcium

• BSFLs do have high calcium, but a majority of that is in their exoskeleton which is indigestible so they still need to be dusted

• You can dust a salad with a multivitamin once every other week

• ADV is something natural to them and is only an issue if husbandry is wrong (like cold sores in people, only comes out under stress)

• Obesity causes a lot of health issues

• Their insides are in one cavity so when they are obese it pushes their lungs in and they have a really hard time breathing

• Obesity also insulates them which prevents them from reaching optimum core temperature as the heat cannot penetrate past the fat

• Weight and length to compare what an ideal body composition should be (SVL= snout to vent length):

• Male: 372 grams; 24cm/9.45in SVL

• Female: 254 grams; 21.5cm/8.46in SVL

• Gravid Female: 315 grams; 22cm/8.66in SVL

• Average Dragon: 341 grams; 23.3cm/9.17in SVL

(thanks to schance99 on reddit for writing all this down)

[taysanimaladventures]

Just gonna. Bitch a bit lol. I'm sorry I don't have anything positive to share on here anymore. But I think prospective keepers need to know the shit that happens in this field.

Trigger warnings for animal neglect and death.

I was let go from a job. When I was working part time at my local zoo they underpaid me severely. I needed to take part time because my grandma was dying. I lived with my husband but the pay was so bad and hours were limited to 16 a week so I was forced to get a second job.

I quit the zoo last year which is a whole story in itself, but we are keeping it simple here. I think once I am a but cozy I will share that story and all the other stories at some point. Anyways I stuck with this second job for the past year while processing my grandmother's illness and eventual death to at least earn some income. However after my grandma passed I decided for certain I wanted to leave the industry. I learned the hard way that changing careers is not easy so I was sticking with them only for cash during this frustrating job search.

This second job was taking care of ambassador animals for an educational program. Nothing fancy, just a collection of small mammals, reptiles, amphibians, inverts, and an owl. My boss acted like she worshipped the ground I walked on because I busted my ass trying to help them rebuild their animal collection after their old one was lost to a wildfire.

I did a lot for them. A lot. I found reliable breeders to purchase from, set up the entire animal care work room, wrote care sheets for every single animal, created schedules, deep cleaned, did research and gave advice, and more. All of this while juggling a nasty sleep issue, depression and anxiety from my grandma's situation, and mental health issues up the wazoo from changing around medication.

Now while I bust my balls for my animals, over the years and years of exposure to terrible situations I have not been the most..... palatable person. I had a breakdown when my boss brought in a new bearded dragon and made little effort to quarantine it. I was irritated after the 4th time I come back from the weekend to empty water dishes and dirtier-than-normal cages. I got huffy with the people who take animals for making stupid mistakes, such as leaving a lamp on the edge of a snake enclosure causing it to melt. I had repeatedly requested my boss re-train staff so mistakes were minimal. She always said she would but I never saw a change. She even admitted to me she noticed staff were in deep conversation while handling animals which is probably why the mistakes were happening. And she wonders why I got pissed off at them??

My patience eventually ran dry after like 4 months of this shit and my boss -appeared- to be understanding that I have extensive trauma and I act the way I do because of it. It's not like I ever called anyone a mean name or bullied them, like I was the victim of way too many times when I first started out. I was outwardly unhappy, did not want to converse with anyone, and had a tone and was short sometimes. People still walked on eggshells around me. And you know what? I didn't give a shit and I still don't. I was a lone wolf in my duties and I wasn't required to converse with anyone except my boss. Plus no one here matters except for the animals. When you are careless with my animals, I am going to be pissed off.

But apparently my (now former) boss showed what really matters to her. She gave the keeper who forgot to refill water bowls a million chances to do better and never let her go. That keeper was the reason I even wrote those care sheets. But me? I'm grumpy and I challenge the status quo. Got to go. After blowing smoke up my ass for two years, saying I'm amazing and valuable and I can share anything with her and giving me a stupid piece of tape with stars on it for handling a sick animal.

I snapped from the stress.You should take a break. Ok, I'll take a fucking break! And then, a few days after my grandma's funeral which she knew about, I get an email: Oh so you can't come back this isn't working out anymore.

Sorry, what?

So I am here to shame the other shit this job did. Of course I spoke up, but it did not change anything.

-Two male rats kept in this cage. They were separated because they were fighting. They now live in two of these cages. I asked for a bigger cage. Blown off. I asked if the DIY guy could fuse the cages. "There's no point if we are getting a bigger cage." A year later, still the same cages. Btw they have diarrhea often.

-Rescued bearded dragon was brought in underweight. Boss said feed her insects every day (she was at least a year old, young but not a baby). Beardie starts getting chunkier and chunkier. I say hey we need to cut back in the notes. Ignored for a few weeks. She is morbidly obese. Only then the boss says cut back. She is also dead now and I only know this since I checked records while on "break." Wanna bet that was the morbid obesity?

-Another bearded dragon not feeling well. Eyes closed, black bearding. I'm hollering for him to be seen. "Oh it may just be because it's cooling down." Eventually sees the vet, the fucking quack says he's trying to brumate. I've never owned beardies but I called bs. Nothing was done except blasting more heat on him. Nothing changes. A week later, he vomits blood and dies. It was kidney failure.

-Leopard gecko not eating and slowly losing weight. In the notes several times over the course of a few months, "he is not eating and losing weight." I guess it was my bad for putting it in the notes I assumed were getting read instead of verbally telling my boss. Got ignored until I verbally told her. Gecko needed to be put down.

-Rabbit taken to programs way too often. He comes back and looks worn the fuck out. I bring this concern up to boss. "Yeah, we need to get a third rabbit." But otherwise nothing changes.

-Accepts a hermann's tortoise in a glass enclosure that nonstop runs into the glass, promises a tortoise table but here we are again a year later.

-Says yes to a frilled lizard from the quack of a vet as an apology for what happened with the beardie. Takes the vets word that his enclosure (a horizontal, not vertical enclosure with newspaper only and a red lamp and heat pad) is correct and it's "just like caring for a bearded dragon." The poor thing stops eating and the skin of her frills is dead from being unable to shed. Their solution is force feeding her. Fed up with leadership, I research the species and learned that everything we did was wrong. I set up proper lighting and substrate for her (can't do much about a vertical enclosure). She bounces back.

-"This animal doesn't look good, it shouldn't be taken to programs." "Okay" -2 days later they are back at programs- "Sorry we needed it."

I get that I was not necessarily a great person in this story, but I truly feel justified because this was such bullshit to deal with and now I am truly free of this hellish industry. I am unemployed and it's uncomfortable but it's better than dealing with this bullshit.

To my husband, friends, and family helping me get through this: thank you.

To Stephanie: fuck you.

[crevicedwelling]

I know this is a bug-themed blog but you’ve been posting quail and I’ve been thinking of getting some eventually.

any advice? sure there’s better places to look but wondering what you might say.

be sure you know your varieties—domestic Japanese or Coturnix quail (C. japonica) are what I had, and they’re in the pheasant family (Phasianidae) along with chickens and other Old World quail. New Word quail (Odontophoridae) like bobwhite are very different birds in many respects, and if you live in North America like I do permits might be required to own them since they are native animals.

I can’t speak for odontophorids since I’ve never owned any, but if you do mean Coturnix here’s a few tips I think matter more to me & everything else can be found online:

hatch your own! it’s worth getting an incubator and waiting the 18 days or so. they don’t imprint on you like waterfowl but it’s the best way to tame them.

feed them treats early on, and often as you can. I offered a bit of sand or very fine gravel as grit, and fed them live Suriname cockroaches and baby mealworms every couple hours. it’s good enrichment for them, builds muscle, and got mine tamer than most Coturnix hear about. if you make a sort of low whistling sound while holding a prey item (males do this to tidbit their hens, and hens do it for their chicks) they might remember it and come running even as adults. if you’re not too good with live bugs, then maybe try egg yolk crumbles or something easily digestible. adults love cucumber, any seeds, and of course insects.

they love to dust bathe, so giving them a pan of sand or keeping one corner of their enclosure dry will make them happy clean birds. I also liked to bury seeds in their dust bath for them to scratch out.

even handfed and calm quail don’t like to be touched much, and Bear was really the only one of 14 others who was a lap quail. Coturnix are not as friendly as chickens at all.

keeping Coturnix is sort of like Chicken Lite; many behaviors are quite similar but not all the way there. they lay eggs often, but rarely in nest boxes. they don’t have super strict pecking order, but they do keep tabs on who’s bossy and who is deferential. males can be very violent (I assume this a byproduct of forcing a chicken-style harem breeding system on a bird that’s usually monogamous in the wild) and should be monitored closely to make sure they don’t scalp their hens. about a 1:6 ratio is good but some males can be super sweet and pair off like a wild bird would do, and others can be mean and more like a Gallus rooster.

one thing they can’t do that chickens can is free range. they have no homing instinct and rarely return if they get loose, so must be kept in spacious outdoor coops. if frightened—and they’re scared of everything—their first defense is to stay still, and the second is to flush directly up in the air. this can lead to scalped birds or broken necks, so adding a layer of netting or padding is necessary to keep them safe. use hardware cloth, not chicken wire.

they can be a little flighty and building a quail coop can be more complex than for chickens, but if you like hands-off animals that really only love you for the food, then quail are great for you. they were definitely right for me and I miss them every day

[scoriarose]

How to make an ideal hognose baby bin/quarantine enclosure

First start out with a tupperware container big enough for your hognose. Be sure the lid isn't 'floppy' and stays solidly attached and does not create gaps when you shove up on the edges. Here's the one I used for my babies: Sterilite 6 Quart ClearView LatchTM with Sweet Plum

I used a hot glue gun and ruler to make holes along the lid and along the sides of the warm side.

Since you have a plastic lid you'll need to use a heat mat on the warm side- be sure it is connected to a thermostat so the pad doesn't overheat and burn your reptile. Tape the thermostat probe along the side and at the bottom above where the heat mat will be. I use a Herpstat 4 as I have multiple reptiles, but there are other thermostats available.

If you are quarantining with paper towel, place the sheet down first then fold along the edges as needed. You should not keep your hoggie on just paper towel any longer than absolutely necessary to check for things like ticks/mites/waste. They are a burrowing species and will be absolutely miserable if they cannot dig. When you can add substrate to their baby bin you can use things like aspen or Carefresh.

(My older girl has been upgraded to a bioactive enclosure- be sure to research the proper way to set up bioactive if you go with that as scale rot can be a risk.)

You're going to need a warm and cool hide for your snake. Here's an easy one to make using a takeout container!

Start with opaque typical fast food container. Solid black and not see through makes the snake feel much safer than a semi transparent Tupperware dish. This specific kind I see a lot at Chinese food places- this one had an appetizer in it which is why it is so small. If you don't have anything like this you can probably find one at your local store as an opaque meal prep container or this looks pretty similar: Food Prep Meal Container

Cut a door in the side. Sand or use a soldering iron to go along the edges so it is not sharp. Make a second one exactly the same so that your hognose is choosing the hide based on if if they want to be warm or cool and moist. The warm hide can be used without the lid directly over the substrate, just make sure there is empty room inside for them to enter without having to burrow if they don't want to. When it's feeding time the warm hide can be temporarily flipped over to feed them in, so it's less likely they'll drag their mouse through their substrate.

Put the lid back on the cool moist hide- the lid is now the floor of the hide. You'll need to add moss and ensure it stays moist. The door should be twice a wide/tall as the snake but not much bigger otherwise the moss will dry out very fast. My snake's hide is the size of about 4 of her- with moss in it she is secure but not too cramped. Many snakes also like to slither under the 'lid' of the hide, its like a weighted blanket for them I suppose. It isn't the most beautiful hide in the world, but focus on your snake's comfort FIRST. Once they are happy, and you get to know them and their likes better, you can try introducing a prettier commercial hide and see how they like that before removing this, which is the snake ideal.

Not all moss is equal! Most stuff is dyed hard garbage. THIS is the very best stuff, it's soft, clean, and holds moisture well. Take out a tiny bit and combine with filtered water in a bowl. See how much it expands- this stuff is like spaghetti in water and will expand a LOT. Add a little more moss until it is damp but not dripping and can fill the hide halfway. You can place it in the black part of the designated wet hide, put the clear lid on, then flip it over so the clear part is on the bottom. Now your snake has a very good wet hide that acts as a micro-climate to help them regulate their moisture levels and makes their shedding much easier. This goes on the cool side, a great place to cool off!

Substrate should be at least 5 inches thick! Far too often I see people put just enough to cover the bottom- hognoses need to DIG! I used aspen to create a ramp that she can use to get to the second level of her cool hide. I placed to volcanic (scoria) rocks for her to use as a shedding aid, and treated leaf litter as smell enrichment. The small piece of corkbark she likes to go on either side of and lay on as another enriching part of her enclosure. You can also get reptisafe for your reptile's water to remove things from regular water that could harm your pet. (Do not use distilled water, it lacks necessary minerals needed for their health.)

Please do your best to take care of your snake, as if they aren't happy they can't go out and get the things they need- they rely on you for everything.

They might be just a part of your world, but to them you are their entire world.