#I was wrong about which ones but I'm still pretty proud of myself

[lesbianlucius]

So remember when I wrote a fic last year that was speculating about how Lucius survived to see season 2 and I included this tag?

GOD I am so smart and handsome.

[bluecollarmcandtf]

Total Customer Service

My hotel famously caters to the whims of each and every guest, so I thought I'd highlight the insights of some of my staff. My "unique" recruitment process has helped me acquire an army of hard-working uniforms who are guaranteed to serve! Hopefully, this glimpse will make you want to book a visit...

(Josh) The Bellhop

I love this job, but sometimes it kills my back! Who would've thought that being a porter would wear down my body more than hard labor ever did? Don't get me wrong: I'll gladly work here forever, but most of my days aren't a walk in the park. Honestly, none of them are.

When I was a construction worker, I got paid to be outside and occasionally hammer in a nail or two. My crew was pretty notorious for just standing around all day. We were doing that when my current boss approached us. I don't remember exactly what he said, but before I knew it, we were dropping our tool belts and hardhats and following him back to the hotel!

He hired me as a bellboy, so now I offer any guest the service of lugging their suitcases up to their rooms. Since I'm just staff, I obviously can't use the elevators, (those are reserved for the guests) so I carry their things up the service stairs in the back of the building. The temperature in the stairwell is always hot as hell, so I rarely end a shift without sweating through the pits of my uniform jacket. It sucks, but the AC is saved for spaces that make guests more comfortable.

Most of the customers are pleased to see me working so hard anyway. I'm usually panting by the time I deliver their luggage to their rooms. I'll always offer to unpack their things: it's a part of the hotel's five-star service.

Then I wait and see if they need anything else from me. A lot of times, I'm the first employee the guests are able to interact with, so they're usually pretty excited to take advantage of the "all-inclusive" service our hotel is famous for.

Some of them are shy about it at first and some of them are demanding from the get-go, but I'm always happy to do whatever they ask. Even if I don't particularly like what I have to do: it's just a part of the job...I love this job...I love my boss...I love that this work is my life...

(Bill) The Housekeeper

Part of me cringes every time I get a look of myself in a mirror. Sure, I'm proud to be a housekeeper, but it's a real change of pace from back when I was a financial advisor. Part of me is nervous to think I could run into someone from my old life: a former colleague or an old customer perhaps. I'd still clean their room the same of course, but I can't help but wonder what they'd think of me while I did it.

I used to manage the hotel owner's finances. That's how we met. He persuaded me to grow his hotel as much as I could. It became an obsession of mine, and I'll have to admit that I tossed all my other customers to the side to focus on him. It was a bit out of character for me. I'm not really sure why I did that. Anyway, I was spending so much time at his hotel instead of my office that he offered me a job.

I can't recall his pitch, but it must have been a convincing one, because I dialed up my old former boss and quit. I just didn't want it anymore! It didn't even bother me that the only vacant position was in housekeeping!

I took it immediately.

I love cleaning up the messes our guests leave behind. Thinking about that is what gets me out of bed everyday, which is no easy feat since my shift starts at four in the morning. No matter how messy, gross, or bizarrely sticky a room is, I just love to get on my hands and knees and scrub every inch for them.

The best part is when a guest comes back to their room to find me making their bed or cleaning their shower. I can tell they're always pleasantly surprised to find me there.

I just keep my head lowered submissively like I'm supposed to and wait for them to take charge. They always do. Here at the hotel, us employees are completely at the customer's whim. I'll do anything they tell me to...I want to make them happy...I want to serve them...I want to obey.

(Donavon) The Waiter

Who knew waiting could create such awful migraines. I work in the hotel bar, and every day is a new storm of hungry and entitled mouths. Each table has someone who isn't happy with their meal, and they love to express their discontent in the most ridiculous ways. Sometimes it's a glass of water in my face. Sometimes it's a slap on the ass, but it's always followed by a roar of laughter!

Usually, every guest in the restaurant joins in like it's all one sick joke.

I'm not used to being treated this way. I used co-own a nearby gym, and I always made it my mission to foster a welcoming culture of respect and familiarity. I know "the customer is always right," but sometimes it is a hard fact to swallow.

The hotel's owner helped me learn that. He approached me one night at the gym and pulled out this weird swinging medallion...

I don't remember much of what he said, but I knew I had to abandon my gym. I left my wife too. We were happy, but I couldn't work here and have other commitments.

That's how I got started waiting tables. I'd never done it before, but it's not hard when I'm constantly being told what to do. Between the customers and the boss, I spend the entire day running around fulfilling orders; table six wants more wine, table nine wants their food cut for them, table twelve wants a foot rub... you get the picture.

It's all pretty typical stuff for a restaurant, I think. The customers get full control over me and the rest of the wait staff. However, it does make serving food a little difficult at times. Last night, we had to work overtime because this one guy kept making full use of us waiters. A good chunk of my evening was spent under his table, so I had to sprint afterwards to catch up on everyone's food.

It might stress me out, but I try not to let it bother me. I'll put up with their abuse and treat them with the utmost respect like a good waiter should. I don't mind being groped and fondled by virtually every customer as I pass. Part of our service is complete access to the staff. They can do whatever they want to me...they can have me do whatever they want...they deserve that treatment...I'm meant to give them that treatment...

(Ricardo) The Kitchen Staff

This job sucks. It's the truth, but I don't think I'll ever leave. The kitchens are so steamy and uncomfortable that I constantly think about walking out and getting a breath of fresh air. Still, my hands keep scrubbing countertops and chopping vegetables.

Sometimes I think of my life before I worked at this hotel, back when I was just an aimless twenty year old hanging out at the gas station. I had so much free time then. Now, I spend every waking moment in this sauna of a kitchen getting splashed with grease and oil.

Everything changed when that stranger came up to me and my buds one day. He talked really slow and dangled this weird necklace in front of our eyes. If I didn't know any better, I might think he was trying to hypnotize us!

Obviously, that's not what happened.

He was just offering us work. He made me realize how much I needed to work. I have to do this job! I need it! All my buddies agreed too. Some of them had jobs, but they didn't mind. It's been awhile since I saw them since I'm stuck down here in the kitchen. I think one of them might be a pool boy or something? I don't remember. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's more enjoyable than washing dishes down here.

The only break we get is when a customer comes in the kitchen.

One of them burst through the doors last night. We could all tell he'd had too much to drink, but that didn't change how we treated him. Like always, me and the rest of the staff stopped what we were doing and straightened our backs out of respect. He stumbled around, licking his lips as he looked us up and down. He wasn't afraid of groping us, which any guest is more than entitled to do.

Eventually, he got to me, burping in my face before covering my mouth with his slobbery lips. I'm not gay and he had a rank odor of beer on his breath, but I wasn't going to tell a customer no!

Before long, he was ordering me on the floor and crawling on top of me. The other chefs and kitchen staff got back to work, but I was left with the responsibility of keeping the guest entertained. I'd describe it as gross more than anything. I think he might've even pissed himself, but an order is an order.

His demands were the ridiculous kind only a drunk ass would make. Still, I did everything: no matter how uncomfortable, sick, or degrading they were. That's just the expectation for employees at this hotel...we are here to serve them... I'm here to serve them...I am at their whim.

...so now you understand.

My hotel is famous for its "uniquely unlimited" customer service. Stay here and you'll always be right. You'll always have someone to pick on, laugh at, play with, or use.

Get familiar with anyone that catches your eye. I can assure you that all of my employees are handsome and thoroughly conditioned. Order the waiter to pour your food over his head; tell the housekeeper to do a little dance; command the bellhop turn around and bend over. They'll do it all, and they'll thank you for it.

So what are you waiting for. Book your next vacation with us! I promise you'll enjoy meeting the rest of my staff...

[andiv3r]

The absolute craziest and most strangely gender affirming shit happened to me at lunch today, therefore I must share with all of my Tumblr mutuals and the randos who see this. Read more if you want. T

he TL;DR is that some people at lunch were trying to figure out my gender, ⅘ of them recognized I was a guy but one of them was being stubborn and it ended up with lots of really affirming statements about my appearance being made in passing as they tried to explain to the 1 person who thought I was a girl why I did not look like a girl at all and she was wrong.

So, I draw at lunch. It's the only time during the day I get to draw without my teachers getting irritated. Today at lunch, I sat next to a group of 5 girls, none of whom I've met before, who were talking about... something. And then one of them turned over to see what I was drawing and whispered to a friend, "woah, look what he's drawing!"

Okay. Cool. First time in a while I've been correctly gendered without having to specifically request it. Then the girl she whispered to said quietly, "erm... wait, I think that's a girl." Oh, well shit. Guess they're all probably gonna start commenting on me and decide that I'm not a guy, right?

Wrong.

All four other girls just turned to her and went, "What... what? What do you mean? He doesn't even remotely look like a girl!" Just totally bashing her statement, it was awesome.

Then she said, "But... it (yes, she referred to me as "it" the whole time, but I'm good with it/its so that was just sort of amusing) looks like it has... y'know." And gestured to her chest (at this point I'm not sure how the fuck they didn't realize I was listening in, or if they did they obviously didn't give a shit, because I looked straight at her). And the entire rest of the table was just like "Okay?? Hes chubby what about it?"

Finally, trying to settle it I guess, one of the girls turned to me and asked what my name was, and I said Andy (which is the name I use to introduce myself with most of the time, Andiver is a bit hard to explain), and she turned to the one who thought I was a girl and said, "See? Andy. He's a boy. Told you."

The girl snorted and said, "Uh, that can be a girl name. I still think it's a girl."

And finally, one girl turned to me and said, "Hey, you're not a girl, right?" And I frowned and, in the deepest voice I could muster (pretty deep, sounded really masc & im proud) said "No??" Like that was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard, and she whipped back around to her friend and said, "See, I told you! I mean just look at him, he's got sideburns and a mustache!" And I almost melted on the spot, because I didn't even realize that my facial hair was really noticeable but I'm so fucking happy it is. And then they all asked to see my drawing (an aziracrow sketch I'll show when I finish a lil more of it) and they liked it. And that was just. So silly. Loved that.

[remcycl333]

hi rem, remember me? I'm the anon who asked about what type of stuff to do in the early 2000s! I'm back to share a success story!

long ask ahead

short 'backstory' for those who might be in a similar situation as I was: I used to be in a very difficult situation. I've been bullied for quite literally no reason ever since kindergarten and had no friends because of that. I stayed inside, rotting in my room while all other people my age lived their teen years to the fullest. later on, I was diagnosed with autism and came out as trans which made the bullying even worse. another problem was that I had only one year of school left and already signed a job contract with a company that I didn't even wanna work at. I just felt so lost and like I'm not made to live like this

how I did it: I randomly discovered this post and it pretty much changed my whole perspective on the void. I already knew that the void was just a meditative state but I never quite… realized it? like I'd say that yet still treat the void as this magical place that manifests instantly. I also 'forced' myself to not stop until I actually entered the void, no matter how long it would take (tho I didn't actively affirm that it'd take long). I just laid down, set the intention to tap into the void and occasionally affirm 'i am', that's all.

stuff I manifested:

changing the year to 2005 (fyi, I manifested taking my phone with me just to write this

revising my age from 16 to 14

revising my birth year from 2006 to 1991 (since that'd make me 14 in 2005

a 'time loop' // I'm gonna elaborate on that one since it's a bit confusing. I saw this on another anon ask a while ago and found it so cool! basically, I manifested that the year is 2005 permanently. like every new years eve, the date will just change to 2005 again. ages also don't change even tho people celebrate their birthdays. nobody dies/ages and nobody is born. this also feels natural and not like some weird sci-fi movie plot lmao (kinda like in pokemon where this mf ash has been 10 for 25 years

immortality for everyone (goes hand in hand with the time loop)

living in the city

living with my brother

new friends (manifested an exact friend group from my fav manga)

just my entire ideal life

my exact ideal appearance

my ideal name

revised being amab

being better at dealing with my autism (i didn't manifest it away, that just felt wrong to me)

and so much more but I can't remember…

fun fact for anyone who's still reading: my fav character from my fav manga started out being my df, then became my db, then my ideal voice, then I stole their name and their birth date, then their family members, friends, etc. and at last their literal life, like I literally self inserted myself into the manga as them. btw, it's also set in 2005, can you guess which manga it is?

thanks for reading!

STOP THAT IS SO EXCITING!!!! you're making me wanna go back to 2005 so bad!!! did u manifest your fav music still existing in 2005 bc i'd miss it so much

im so proud of u 🥺 i wish u nothing but happiness!!! <3 enjoy your new life, you deserve it!!!

[abby-howard]

Hi! I've been following your comics for a long time and just saw that you squatted over 200 lbs! Congratulations!!

I want to ask this with the best of intentions and good faith. Would you still consider yourself fat? I recently started weightlift training myself and there's this annoying fatphobic part of my brain that is always present whenever i start any type of exercise that says "oh, will this be the thing that makes me loss my belly?" And it usually gets drowned out by the learned body positivity telling me not to make that a goal and there's nothing wrong with my fat.

Tysm! And that is a very good question, thank you for reaching out.

I would definitely still consider myself fat-- I work out 3-5 times a week and have for years, and my legs are pretty muscular, which is nice! But I am a chunky person, and it's pretty clear to me at this point that even if I drown in anxiety every time I eat a piece of bread, that's not going to change XD

That acceptance has definitely shifted the way I think about the gym/working out for the better. My goals are no longer focused on maximizing calorie output, setting the gym up as a punishment for having the body I have, which would always send me into anxiety spirals about going. Instead, I wanted to make the gym a regular (non-stressful) part of my life, because I realized maintaining a baseline of fitness-- at whatever size I am-- is important to helping me remain independent and able to do the work I'm passionate about as I age.

I feel like this change in my relationship with the gym has been one of the more important changes in my life-- treating working out as something more like doing the dishes than some kind of major shift into a new, thinner chapter of my life. I figure that I probably have many years ahead of me, and with how much I value my independence, I want to make sure I can stay mobile and pain-free for as long as I can (so I can keep making comics).

That of course doesn't mean I'll never get sick, or that ppl who do get sick just didn't do enough squats or deserve to be stigmatized for it! But osteoporosis has cropped up in my family before, and lifting helps increase bone density, as well as building a good foundation of stabilizing muscles if anything ever goes wrong. It's helped get rid of back pain and improve my posture, and while I'm sure there's a technique component at play, I feel like I have lifting to thank for my wrist strength-- drawing all those tiny lines somehow hasn't destroyed my wrist, and is always easier when I'm consistently deadlifting!

And, of course, there's the confidence that comes with picking up a big heavy thing and putting it back down. I feel proud that I have a body that can do that, which is something I have never felt before, even with everything I know about body positivity. When I first started lifting I also had those little thoughts about how it might impact my waistline-- I think it's something that's so deeply ingrained in fat people to prioritize that it's really hard to shut off. But it eventually did stop, replaced with an honest desire to explore my body's ability to pick up heavy thing off ground. An exploration of my body's strengths instead of a punishment for its perceived faults.

I hope this was helpful and didn't just sound like an ad for powerlifting XD

[dduane]

I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, given the previous thing about different ways people write, but I just wanted to tell you because I'm so excited: I finished the first draft of that script! I actually finished a writing thing for the first time in over a decade! I've never attempted to write a script before, and now I've finished my first first draft. My friend said that's a big deal, and it makes writing other scripts much easier when you finish your first. Is that what you've found?

Oh apparently I have a few more questions, sorry: The first time you finished a project, and you knew you were on literally the last few paragraphs or scene, or what have you, how did that feel for you? And when you were done, did you initially love writing, or did you debate ever writing again? Did you start working on something right away, or did you break for a little bit?

Sorry, I'm just so excited and proud of myself right now, and wondering what feelings might come next. I haven't been this proud of myself in I don't know how long. I mean, I know I have to finalize it, and even still, I know I'll never be able to get it made. However, for right now, I'm proud of myself! I'll probably go back to being sad I'll never get it made tomorrow though, which sucks, but it's a good night right now!

I hope you're doing well today! Sorry for the bombardment of questions.

First of all: congratulations! You've got every right to be excited. Screenwriting isn't easy or simple even at the best of times. Doing it well requires that you write in ways that can seem really counterintuitive when compared to working in prose. And it's always, ALWAYS a big deal when by completing something you break a long creative dry spell. So GOOD ON YOU! You got the job done. :)

(And now, of course, comes rewrite. The brain—yours, or someone else's—always has notes. But I'm sure you knew that.)

While I know how it is to be relieved on finishing a first script, my weird work history makes me kind of an outlier when it comes to discussing this. I went with unexpected speed from "I'm Just A First-Time Novelist, What Do I Know?" to "I'm Just A First-Time Screenwriter, What Do—WAIT WHAT??". Because the man who was soon to be my story editor on Scooby and Scrappy-Doo walked in the door one evening, having just read The Door Into Fire, and said, "Would you be interested in writing cartoons?"

It was kind of a surprising career development, but I quickly learned at that point in my life that when the Universe turns up on your doorstep with the Moon on a silver platter, you don't tell it to try next door: you say "Wait right there and I'll get a knife and fork." In the space of a given month of being walked around Hanna-Barbera for the first time, I turned in my first animation script... and then sagged in my chair on getting the phone call when my story editors told me, "That's a strong start. Now we have some notes." And all I could do was collapse with relief that I had not fucked it up.

However, this situation also left me in no position where I'd be able to debate ever writing a screenplay again... because suddenly there were a couple of very intent guys telling me "Okay, new story premise coming over to you, we need the outline by next Thursday and the script the Thursday after, you okay with that?"

(Are you kidding me? I thought. Let me get the knife and fork!)

So as I said, I'm really an outlier in this regard. The next three years of my life pretty much went as above, as Tom Swale and Duane Poole (great Thoth rest both their gentle souls) took me with them from one show to another, and kept me busy. (Thereby financing the writing of So You Want To Be A Wizard and The Wounded Sky and assorted other work.) But there's no question that each time you finish a script, each time you type FADE TO BLACK, you feel better about the whole enterprise. It doesn't precisely get easier. But it gets more familiar. And that helps. (If I have to be locked in a haunted house, I'd sooner it was one I'd played in when I was a kid than one I'd never been inside before...)

Anyway, again: congratulations. But also: Do not be too sure you'll never have it made. ...Granting you that "made" can look a lot of different ways in different times and places, and can shift under your feet without warning. But the world that depends on scripts can do very, very weird and unusual things without warning. Best to do your homework and be ready for them... and know where the knife and fork are.

Also, a side note: As you do more of this work you may well find that finishing a script leaves you with more energy, not less. I think this may be a lot more normal than we routinely allow ourselves to believe. It makes sense to me, from the psych-nurse end of things, that successful completion of a project allows the release of a lot of energy that you've been holding in reserve to help you cope if something went horribly wrong with the piece of work you just finished. Me, when I've felt that rush, I do a thing that C. J. Cherryh taught me: immediately roll another sheet of paper into the typewriter. ...Though these days, it'd be "open a new file." You don't necessarily have to do anything with that blank page or screen if you don't want to. But it's wise to be ready.

In any case: all the good luck to you (because sheer blind luck plays its part in this business, no matter how much we wish all our hard work counted for more)! ...And let us know how you get on.

[emeritus-fuckers]

First off I apologize if I frequent the confessional (aka the inbox) too often. 😔 pretty new to ghost and I love your writing! Secondly, I saw you wanted fluff requests and I have one that’s not exactly fluff, it’s more hurt/comfort, but it is NOT HORNY (for once). Also since this is such a sensitive and personal topic I 100% understand if you need to refuse it!

-mental health and self harm warning-

How would Papas (or Terzo specifically if you’re short in time but still want to do the prompt) react to and comfort their s/o who feels guilty/ashamed after a mental health relapse? Feel free to keep the specific event vague for your and others’ comfort :) (I recently self harmed and have found a lot of comfort in thinking about my Papa telling me he’s still proud of me and that I’m getting better, still recovering, etc.)

Once again, this is a very difficult topic for many people so I completely understand if this is outside of your comfort zone. (If it is a reject, I would greatly appreciate it if you could reply privately.)Write what you love and have a wonderful day! ❤️

While I usually respond to asks with a little comment, I've already said everything in the dms. For everyone else, though, a reminder: this is a comfort zone for you. If there is anything going on, please don't hesitate message my main if you want to talk about it. I'm here for you. - Jez

Papas self-harm comfort

TW: mentions of self-harm, poor mental health.

Primo

He notices right away. Or maybe he just knows. It's unclear.

He takes you to the garden, knowing that it was a comfort space for you both.

Talks to you about flowers, but you can tell there's something more he's getting to. So you wait, listening to how fondly he would speak about the plants.

"Do you like roses, amore? I find them particularly loveable, even despite their thorns. Over the years, I've hurt myself on them many times, but I can't bring myself to hate them. After all, they're just trying to defend themselves this way, since they don't know that I also protect them."

Something about this little speech made you realize that he knew what you did. And just like that, it all hit you hard enough to make you fall to your knees and start crying, mumbling how sorry you were.

He would carefully help you up and take you to the nearest bench and sits there with you, holding you and rubbing soothing circles onto your back.

"I know it's difficult, my love. I know. But I'm here with you now. I won't hate you or leave you because you're hurting. You just couldn't handle it anymore, could you?"

His voice is so soft and you can hear he's sad, beating himself up over not noticing it earlier, before you relapsed.

"But it's going to get better now. I'm here to protect you. I'll help you get through this."

Secondo

He's always been very direct, which might be why so many people in the Ministry considered him a prick.

The moment he notices just how often you pull your sleeves down is the moment he calls you over to go talk in his room.

He asks to see your arms. And your terrified eyes tell him everything. You've relapsed.

He seemed angry, clenching his fists. And that scared you even more, you almost ran away, but he caught you and pulled to you his chest.

He held you so tight, he almost knocked the air out of your lungs.

And that's when you realize, he's not mad at you. He's mad at himself. He's mad that he let that happen.

And so you both just hold onto each other for a while before he picks you up and carries you to bed. He tucks you in and goes to make dinner for you.

He just kinda goes into house husband mode?

He tries his best to make you feel safe and loved.

He trusts you to talk to him when you're ready. And until then, he's practically glued to you.

Terzo

He knew something was wrong when you didn't return his affection with your regular enthusiasm. At first he thought maybe you were just in a bad mood, but he kept observing you just in case.

After a while he pulled you aside, taking you to his room to talk. He sat on the bed with you, pulling you close and wrapping his arms around you.

"Wanna tell me what's going on?" He would ask quietly, resting his cheek on top of your head as you curled up to cuddle to him some more.

He could tell you were hesitant, but he wanted to make sure you were comfortable before you spoke. So he just held you and rocked you, kissing the top of your head and humming a soft tune to you.

When you finally opened up, telling him that you've relapsed and started hurting yourself again, he holds you tighter and stays quiet for a while.

After a few minutes, he'd ask if you'd be comfortable to show him where you did it. If you did, he would kiss around your scars, the old and fresh ones, his lips incredibly gentle against your skin.

He lets you cry it out, holding you against his chest.

He wants you to feel safe with him. To know that you can always come to him and talk.

Copia

When you tell him one evening that you need to have a serious conversation with him, he can already tell it's gonna be bad. Although his assumption was that you wanted to break up with him.

But, as it turned out, it was way, way worse.

You already confided in him that you used to hurt yourself, but he never thought you'd relapse!

He's very sad, but tries his best not to show it and just holds you for a while.

He would try and gently ask you for the reason. Did he fail to see the signs? Oh, he did, didn't he?

He's upset with himself that he couldn't prevent it.

Quietly begs you to come to him whenever you have thoughts about hurting yourself again, no matter what he's doing.

Offers to get you a nice therapist.

Tries to make you happier however he can. Dedicates all his free time to you.

Plays video games with you, lets you play with his rats, he's by your side whenever possible.

He really hopes that's at least close to being enough.

Old Nihil

He's incredibly confused when he found out.

This man does not see a single flaw in you, he views you as above perfection.

And for whatever reason, you harmed yourself???

It does not make sense to him. He demands to have you called to his bedroom so he can question you.

He's even more shocked as you break down, crying and apologizing.

"Hey, hey now, stop crying, okay?"

He's just... So awkward as he pats your shoulder and assures you that he loves you, he just really has no clue why you'd want to do that!

He wants you to explain everything to him just so he can tell you you're wrong and interrupting you with his own views of him.

He tries, okay?

Young Nihil

This fucking dumbass...

His first reaction is literally "Why the fuck would you do that?!"

He's in shock and it's basically a defensive reaction.

He doesn't understand why you'd do something so stupid???

He might yell at you at first and only realize after a moment that he's making it worse.

So he apologizes, still a bit grumpy about it, but he holds you close.

"Listen, just... Just don't do that. Okay? I don't wanna lose ya."

He might actually tear up about it once you're asleep. His life was filled with fuck-ups and he'd hate it if he'd lose you.

He's gonna pay more attention to you from now on.

And he's gonna do his best to take care of you.

He's an idiot and he lets him emotions get the better of him, but he really does love you. He' just bad at showing it. Really bad.

[dustandshadows8]

Why I think Wednesday is demiromantic or greyromantic 

(None of this fan art is mine I found it on Pinterest so credits to the og artists your talent is incredible.)

First, of all for all you beautiful people who have forgotten or didn't know these two definitions, let's take a look:

A grey romantic person:

is a person with a romantic orientation that is somewhere between aromantic and romantic.

For example, a gray-romantic may:  -Experience romantic attraction but not very often.  -Experience romantic attraction, but not desire romantic relationships.  -Desire relationships which are not quite platonic and not quite romantic.

A demiromantic person:

is a person who cannot feel a romantic attraction to someone until a strong emotional connection is established. The emotional connection can be any number of things from a prolonged talking stage to a sexual relationship turning to more. It depends on the case and all people are different on how they feel emotional connections with others.

At the beginning of the show Wednesday says that she does not have any interest in being like her Mother and falling in love and getting married. (Just like to say the proud aroacespec positivity I got form hearing those words...)

First of all this indicates that Wednesday does not consider herself a allo person, she has romantic feelings and has decided to never act on them or she has never experienced romantic attraction before (demiromantic/greyromatic?).

However as the show progresses we can see her form what can be interpreted as romantic bonds with two people.

(And will be by a wider straight/cis/allo audience who might not understand the aroacespec coding in the show.)

But, more importantly, she also forms a possibly stronger platonic bond with Enid.

Wednesday's relationship with Enid progresses in a healthy way. They get to know each other. At the beginning of their relationship they have a tape across the floor which nether of them cross, even at the end when Enid thinks he's saying goodbye for ever she does not hug Wednesday because she knows she doesn't like it. They respect each others boundaries.

Across the show we see their friendship deepen and Wednesday begin to more openly return Enid's affections.

One of the most important things to take from this is the speed of, said, progression.

It takes the whole show for Wednesday to be comfortable enough to hug Enid, which shows he level of trust she has gained for her new friend. She doesn't even accept affection from her family.

And, just as importantly, there is still room for a lot of growth in their relationship.

How does this tie into the grey/demiromantic theory?

Well, as Enid and Eugene are the only two people who Wednesday willingly calls her friends (correct me if I'm wrong my memory is shit) and Enid is the (potential?) romantic interest in the situation, she has obviously formed an emotional connection with her and only after she has formed an emotional connection will she allow Enid to hug her.

It ties pretty perfectly into the Demi category.

Now we have to address something else.

The boys.

First of all, especially as an ace (maybe grey or Demiromatic?) person myself, the relationships with both of them seem very rushed and forced.

It seems to me, that she only uses them to find information about the case. The whole show, everything, even the kiss all looked like a ploy for information.

After she suspects Xaviour she turns on him pretty quick. Would she do that if she really cares about him? And she has no problems with being against Tyler in the final.

All through the show her interactions with them are abrupt and harsh, she often forgets about them to continue her investigations, she frequently appears to have no regard to their feelings.

Why would she treat them so badly if she cared about them?

And why would her reserved personality allow her to progress two relationships so fast?

So how does the grey/demiromanticism link into these situations?

It's her extreme awkward and unusual reactions and treatment of both guys that leads me to think that a) she doesn't romantically like ether of them and b) she truly doesn't know how to interact with someone she has a crush on.

Sometime, when your feelings have deepened from some previous emotional connection, it is a lot easier to ignore them.

And Wednesday has never formed such a connection before Enid.

How would she know how to act and show romantic affection?

The stuff you see on T.V looks stupid. People meet each other, go on cute dates, have an mis-communication, get back together, kiss in the rain.

Where is the realism in that? Where is the emotional bonding the inability to understand emotions? The questioning of feelings?

Is this just how allo relationships are portrayed in the media or do people really just know if they like someone, that easily?

I genuinely don't know if some people just know if they like someone without months of questioning.

And Wednesday probably wouldn't ether.

Which is why she tries to make her relationship so like that, quick and easy, even though the emotions (that I'm assuming allos manage to feel after like two weeks or something) aren't there. Instead it's just the words and actions without any feelings.

So, it's the build up of her and Enid's relationship, her reactions to the boys advances especially in the cliche development of their relationships that feels so forced that and doesn't suit her personality at all that leads me to think that Wednesday is ether grey or demiromantic.

As for the ace part in both.

Maybe I'm just self projecting. But does that girl really appear allo to you?

Really?

[ask-serendipity-sky]

https://twitter.com/henjiku1975/status/1706807847294550143?t=digyXOeg6b3-sroR3lpYag&s=19

Thoughts on this but it's giving major gaslighting where army chants this to make them feel better and project the solos are bad narrative, like don't get me wrong but I would rather associate myself with pjms instead of army like those jm solos were not joking like they managed to close that big of a gap in a small time and still keeps his music charting with no other support either from the fandom or the company...

https://x.com/henjiku1975/status/1706807847294550143?s=20

Hi anon,

I have thoughts on this. I had seen bits of it before but watching it all makes it so much worse. It's garbage.

This person made a whole video to gaslight people into thinking that what happened to Jimin and others is normal. She blames it on the target audience and the type of promotion.

According to her, the only problem that Jimin had was not paying for radio...which is illegal and not something BTS would do. She never talked about the things that happened to Jimin's album like separating the 2 versions of Like Crazy, Hanteo deletions, albums not being shipped on time, etc.

But she did say that Jimin had to have 9 days of promo because Suga needed to enlist...but it took him 6 months?

There is no sabotage, no shady practices, no unfairness, no payola. Just a different intended audience and that's why things didn't work out.

She never focused on the fact that ONE member is receiving much more support than the other six. Jk and Yoongi are probably her biases. They have gotten things served in a golden platter.

She sounds a whole lot like the people who come to my blog to rant about me hating BTS, that I'm a Jk anti, Jimin akgae, etc, and that solos will never win over army and all that purple goodness. Army garbage.

I'm with you. Although I'm not a fan of labels, I have no problem being called a pjm because that is literally a "fan of Jimin". It's what I am. I have no problem doing what pjm fanbases say because it's better than what army is doing.

Solos are not the bad people. Akgaes are. But like I said back when I first opened this blog, the lines have blurred and people can no longer recognize between the two words and use them interchangeably.

If you are a fan of labels, you should remember this: solo =/= akgae.

Solo is a fan who focuses entirely on their bias.

Akgae is a problematic fan who focuses on their bias and HATES everyone else.

There is nothing wrong with focusing on just what you like. Its normal human behavior. The mentality that you have to like everything and everyone is flawed and impossible.

Army keeps painting pjms as the bad people because army has a problem with Jimin. Even here on tumblr, I'm called a solo and akgae because I obviously bias Jimin when there are other accounts that have a very obvious bias and they don't get called out. Because only Jimin biased people are problematic to army.

Army is simply not appreciative of Jimin enough for me. They ignore him. They allow him to be the reason for jokes and disgusting accusations. They sexualize him. They don't stop the hateful poison from tkkrs and other solos. They use him as a cheerleader and accessory. They blame him. They view him as weak and he is only useful to them when fighting other fandoms.

They bully their own member. They rather have anyone else other than Jimin.

Why in the world would any Jimin fan want to associate with them?

Like you said, the moment Jimin fanbases got organized, we started closing the gap. It WILL get done and he WILL get that award.

It won't be because of army. It will be because of pjms, primarily, and other Jimin fans.

But when he gets that award, everyone will be posting pretty Jimin and how proud they are to be his fan.

This fandom is a joke.

Thank you for sharing.

[treasure-hwa]

to be loved and to be in love

pairing: yunho x reader

genre: fluff, established relationship

synopsis: Yunho and you met at an One Direction concert. Now, he's using them to declare his love (once again)

word count: 1602

date: 07.aug.2022

author's note: hello! It took me time to post something new and I'm not proud of that, but here is a Yunho story. I hope you enjoy!

— Are you really not telling me where we are going?

— That’s not fun.

You crossed your arms and looked outside the car window, enjoying the afternoon breeze on your face that softly balanced your hair, and put a satisfied smile on your lips. You weren’t mad that Yunho kept the local information from you, you could never be. You trusted him so much you would let him take you to the other side of the world.

As Yunho parked the car, you knew exactly where you were: the location of many of your dates, the hill you would go to have picnics and to do some cloud gazing or even talk inside the car. The view ahead of you was pretty, the sun was setting, painting the sky with a pretty mixture of colors. You liked the surprise.

— So? Did you like it? — he asked hesitantly. You didn’t notice, but his hands were gripping the steering wheel harder to disguise the shaking.

— Yeah — you looked at him smiling. — You know how much I love this place. Are we having a picnic here again?

— I was planning on this, so I brought a basket and all. It’s on the trunk — He pointed his thumb to the back of the car. — I will settle the place for us, but I’d like to do this alone. Can you stay in the car enjoying the music?

You frowned, finding his request a bit odd, but you agreed. As he noticed your reaction, he took your hand and kissed the back of it.

— I want to make it romantic by myself. Trust me, please.

— Don’t worry, Yun, take your time to settle whatever you planned for today.

The smile you shot his way made him even more sure of what he was about to do. With your approval, the man left the car and got the picnic stuff from the trunk and, without you noticing, quickly typed a message on his phone.

Inside the car, you were enjoying the playlist of the radio station Yunho left playing, mumbling the lyrics while you used your phone, as you decided to give your boyfriend some privacy to surprise you even more. Yet, your attention was entirely on the radio when you heard the broadcaster announce:

— The next one is for Yunho and Y/N, his lovely partner. Y/N, enjoy the song and then talk to him. He has got a surprise for you.

You could never mistake the first chords of the song “18” from your favorite boy band, One Direction, but could you have heard the names wrong? Could it be just a coincidence that another Yunho had a partner called Y/N that loved One Direction too? You thought it was possible, but not likely.

"I have loved you since we were eighteen

Long before we both thought the same thing

To be loved, and to be in love"

You turned the music up and sang it loud, with eyes closed and hands moving around, too into the vibe the song transmitted. At that moment, it didn't really matter which Yunho had asked this song for his partner Y/N, you just wanted to give your soul for this song, to get teary eyed because of the feeling it gave you.

— And all I can do is say that these arms are made for holding you, ooh! And I wanna love like you made me feel when we were eighteen! When we were eighteen~

When the beat got softer, you opened your eyes and saw your boyfriend looking at you from outside, a smile playing on his lips. He had always enjoyed watching you giving your all to the songs you were enamored to. He signaled you to come to where he was close to the picnic setup, and you went, the car radio still playing in the background.

He cupped your face, and you kissed the palm of his hand.

— Thank you for the surprise, Yun.

— I'm glad, but it's not over — You looked confused at him, and he giggled. — Yeah, it isn't. I have a lot to say and do yet, so, please, be patient.

— A lot to say?

He nodded and took your hands to help you sit down.

— Remember how we met?

— How could I forget? It was the happiest day of my life…

— Awnt, so cut-

— Because it was my first time seeing One Direction live — you completed.

You looked at each other with serious faces and burst into laughter a second later.

— I can't believe you said that!

— I can't believe you don't know that yet! It was special for me, alright? And I didn't even know you, we got together later.

He laughed harder, however, when he managed to breathe properly, he spoke again:

— You know, I actually didn't want to go to that concert at all. But, everytime I look at you, at us, at everything we went through, I can't help but be more thankful to Mingi, that begged me to go with him.

You nodded, smiling. Mingi had told you that many times before, how he was the superior cupid and he deserved to be adored by both you and Yunho. He was right.

Yunho was crazy for agreeing with his best friend and coming along to a teen boy band concert. The place was full of screaming people, most of them being girls, but Mingi, his friend, wasn't far behind with his out of tune singing.

Then a song that one of the boys on the stage called "No Control" started. The chorus of the rather dirty song was followed by everyone doing a kind of choreography, which was weird because the singers weren't dancing. Anyway, Yunho wasn't a fan, he was vibing with the songs for the sake of his friend.

Mingi, though, was giving his all and ended up stumbling on the girl beside them, who didn't mind and just turned around to dance and scream with the boy. At first, Yunho thought it was nice how music could bring people together like that, but, on a second thought, he realized how pretty that girl was.

— And remember how you said before you wanted to play “18” at your wedding so bad? I want to dedicate that song to you. I want it to be one of our songs and to play at our wedding.

After the concert ended, Mingi and the girl talked and exchanged numbers because, according to her, "it is difficult to find a boy that doesn't make fun of One Direction and enjoys the music". With the arena lights on, she looked even prettier and her voice was nice, but hoarse — probably because of all the screaming —, and Yunho wasn't sure if his legs would work when he got up. He was just a teen, barely an adult, and he was having a crush, he guessed.

— But we haven't been dating since we were eighteen, Yunho. It wouldn't make sense.

— No, but I fell in love with you when we were, so I guess it counts, doesn’t it?

You smiled wide and looked away feeling your cheeks heat up.

— Hey, keep looking at me. The best part comes now.

Your eyebrows frowned, however, when you returned your gaze to him again, Yunho was getting something from the pocket of his jacket. A small round red velvet box.

— Yunho, is that…

— Yes, but let me do my little speech first. I have been practicing it for weeks now — His cheeks blushed adorably and his lips spreaded into a cute, embarrassed smile. You stayed silent and gave him all the time needed. He took a deep breath before continuing: — So, my love, we’ve been together for years already and not once I could think about a future without you. In my mind, you’re always there, by my side, supporting me and building a life and a home together.

Yunho left the small box on top of the picnic tablecloth and secured your hand between his.

— You’re my everything, I feel blessed to be your partner and I’m the happiest guy in the world just to be able to kiss you, to hug you, to look at you all the time. You make my heart beat faster by smiling and sending me flying kisses and I guess that says a lot about how much I love you.

You nodded, tears brimming your eyes. The man took the small box again and opened it, revealing two rings. He took a shaking breath and concluded:

— And because I love you so much and cannot not see you in my future, I wanted to ask you if I could have your hand in marriage. Please?

You chuckled and nodded probably a hundred times, saying “yes” after “yes”. He opened a relieved, wide smile and put the ring on your finger, getting confused for a moment, but deciding he put it on the correct hand. Then, you took the other ring and did the same with him.

— I got us the wedding bands we saw months ago and liked. I hope you don’t mind — he did puppy eyes.

Your hands cradled his face and you kissed him for long seconds.

— I love them. I love that you will wear one with me too.

Yunho smiled and pecked your lips once again before focusing his gaze on your eyes again.

— Since I met you on that concert, I knew you would turn my world upside down and now we’re getting married.

— We’re getting married.

[0zeeraa0]

A little Fnaf Movie rant (don't kill me, I also want this movie to be good)

(this post is pretty big, i understand if you don't have the patience for it)

(if you see any typos: no, you did not.)

Am I the only one who thinks that the fnaf movie isn't gonna live up to the hype...? Like I don't think it's gonna be bad, but I doubt it's gonna be as spectacular as we hope it will be.

One of the reasons that I'm a bit worried is the little girl. Michael's sister. Like in the trailer she's shown wondering around the pizzaria, and than in a TAXI with GOLDEN FREDDY, like????? HUH???? I have a feeling that the movie is gonna make her befriend the animatronics and like prove to Mike and Vanessa that "they just misunderstood🥺" Which like... THEY ARE, but that would be a horrible way to go about that plot line. And I kinda feel like they shouldn't be intelligent enough, or self aware enough to make friends y'know?

Also Vanessa. This one's gonna be shorter. I hope to god they're not gonna have a romantic plot line between her and Michael. One thing I really like about the fnaf games (haven't read the books yet, sorry) that there's absolutely no romance. And I feel like it should stay that way.

Now the "horror". I KNOW that the original games didn't have any gore. And I'm not saying the movie has to have it. I just want it to be SCARY. Or creepy at the very least. The games didn't have gore, but they were still HORROR GAMES, y'know. They're 16+. I remember that the movie makers tweeted something like "we're not gonna hold back on the gore" or "I'm not sure if we can even show this". But... The movie is going to be 13+... So that was a fuckin lie. Because what the hell is a pg13 HORROR movie supposed to be??? Like IT 2017 is rated R, but theres a surprisingly little amount of actual gore. And despite the R rating, sooo many teens and preteens love the move. So who is the Fnaf movie's target audience with it's pg13 rating. The same kids who ONLY played/watched Security Breach? Be so FR.

I feel like (based on the trailers) that the movie is going to take a more comedic approach, wich wouldn't be a problem, but it seems that it's going to be more significant then the horror aspect.

You know how Stranger Things stared out in s1 as a mystery/horror, and by s4 it got derailed into... that. I'm just worried that the same will happen to fnaf... Like it ALMOST happened with SB, but that's a game. It's a lot harder to access, so it still mostly stayed within the fnaf community. Like, 'normal' allistic Jessica (this isn't an actual person, just an example) is a lot less likely to watch a SB gameplay, or more so, play the game. But she might watch the movie because it's popular. And I REALLY don't want Michael to get "Eddie Munson-ified", okay??? I don't want the thing that shaped my entire childhood to get the TikTok treatment.

Sorry this post got really out of hand by the end. I just had to get this out of myself, otherwise I just might explode.

If the movie turns out to be a Masterpiece of fiction, that makes all original fnaf fans weep at how absolutely perfect it is, than y'all can come back here and laugh at me in the comments all you want. I will admit that I was wrong, and I'll do so with pure happiness, for having my expectations subverted in a positive way

And if I'm right.... well.... I will not be happy about it, or proud. I will not say "I told you so". I will keep my mouth shut, and I'll wallow in my misery in silence. Mourning what it could've been.

(theres so much more that i could say about this movie that hasn't even come out yet, but i think this is more than enough)

[stillwinterair]

Howdy kids

My name is Dee! It's not the name I went by for most of my years on Tumblr, but it's the one everyone knows me as. You might remember my url as nyriad, visovari... I went by a bunch of others too, but those are the only two I seem to remember now 😅

The last time I was on Tumblr, I was in the middle of a very difficult period of my life that I didn't really have the tools or support to navigate. But sometimes you gotta go a lil wacky and make some fresh new regrets so you can grow up a lil bit wiser and sexier

I quit the internet pretty much cold turkey for a while and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. I spent a year pretty much focusing on nothing but my immediate surroundings, living in my own skin, learning how to love myself. I've gotten a lot more comfortable being myself, and have grown a lot more connected to the earth.

In my time away, I was diagnosed with ADHD, which even just the diagnosis has significantly improved almost every facet of my life. I've gotten so many new tools and so much new language to express myself and my needs. I've stopped feeling like there is something wrong with me and let go of a lot of shame that I held around myself, my work flow, my ability to focus, my needs for rest, etc. As I've met more people with ADHD, I've grown a lot more empowered and confident. I'm still figuring out what medication works for me (Adderall and Concerta are hell incarnate; Ritalin and Vyvanse are the bee's knees). It's been revolutionary and healing, honestly. Reading the book "Driven to Distraction" was an important first step that I recommend to everyone who's ever thought they might have ADHD, or if you were like me, always felt stupid and slow and always wondered why you never could quite get around to doing all the things you want to do.

I am also currently pursuing a diagnosis for Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, as per my doctor's suggestion. I won't get into it too much here, but it is a chronic illness that has made the last year pretty difficult. I have a lot of severe chronic joint pain and lethargy, and it's been... a lot. I'm starting physical therapy soon. This part isn't fun to talk about, but it's becoming an important part of my identity.

I've also met the love of my life, my soon-to-be fiancee, Nathalie! We were inseparable pretty much from the day we met, and spent a year as best friends. And then after that year the sexual tension became too much to handle, and now another year later, here we are, stupidly in love, utterly obsessed with each other, turning every single day into a fun, wacky, new adventure lmao. We've built the most beautiful, trusting, communicative, intimate relationship I've ever experienced and I am so filled with pride and joy and love and happiness every day. We're still best friends -- no force on this earth could ever get us to shut up when we're in the same room. She just fills me with butterflies and glee and light. Nat has this burning desire to create in whatever the most tactile medium she can find is. She loves mechanisms and fibers and all of the ways different materials interact with each other. She inspires me every day to be more open and honest and to pursue whatever creative venture has caught my interest, and I do the same for her. We dance together, create together, and share big emotions and life goals and it's just the most beautiful thing I've ever felt, and this paragraph could go on forever if I don't end it right now

I've also finally started to settle into my writing flow. I've got a space opera that's really beginning to take shape and I'm pretty proud of what it's turning into :) I also have a fantasy saga that's following a few steps behind. Both are things I've been working on for nearly a decade in fits and spurts, but I've done more work on them in the last year than in all previous years combined. I've gotten into more artistic mediums as well: oil painting, photography, beading, and so on. And very into fashion, kind of. Y'all should see my wardrobe these days -- bright colors, crazy patterns, wacky silhouettes. I feel like I finally look like myself. I'm currently rocking a purple mullet and a mustache, so... yeah, I'm having fun with it

I'm not sure how many of my old friends and mutuals are still hanging around, but I wanted to say hey, track a few of you down, and give a little update on how things are going for me post-Tumblr. I am alive, and I'm pretty happy these days. Some days I miss it here, and while I'll never come back in the same capacity as I used to, I wanted to reconnect with some of my old friends that I used to talk to and hang around with every day! I'm gonna poke around over the next while and see who's still around :) honestly I still think about some of y'all on the daily, and I got too curious about how my old friends were doing.

If you want to keep in touch, I'm on Instagram as deehollandaise. I'm on Discord much less often, but if you want to connect there, shoot me a message and I'll share the deets. Warning that I am just straight up not involved in any fandom stuff these days. It's just not for me anymore.

I will be retiring this blog in the new year, setting the whole dang thing to private and probably starting a new one with which to share some of my creative projects. I'll let y'all know about it before that happens.

I don't know, this is all kinda word vomit, I guess I just wanted to let all my old friends know that I'm still here and that I'm finally figuring myself out. I've got a lot to be proud of and grateful for and I've barely scratched the surface, so I'll leave off with some recent photos. Have a hot & sweaty 2024, you sexy things 😘

- Dee

[onlyjaeyun]

jaemin foul for cheating but he kinda valid for speaking up about not feeling loved?!? Idk I mean ofc he shouldn’t have cheated and there should have definitely been more communication to help them but is he so wrong for feeling neglected? Idk idk I just idk sympathize with him but still fucking hate that he cheated as way to be validated!!

I think I sympathize because my ex bf was the same where there was a lot of priority given to everyone but me and I was kinda just there to nurse his ego and make him feel good but never vise versa and that shit broke me the difference being I accepted that as my fate and he would tell me it’s because I’m “hard to love but he’s trying his best to love me” and like I carried that with me everywhere and I was always like … dang and idk i stayed in that cycle until he broke up with me but I feel like if jaemin didn’t cheat he might have been in the same place I was idk?

Sorry for the random trauma dump

-🦒

noo dont ever be sorry baby!!!! what im about to say is in absolutely no way belittling or disregarding your experience because i myself know exactly how you feel/felt and the cycle you are talking about and even if i didn't i'm pretty sure i can somehow phathom what you went through. (i'm so proud of you btw!🥺🤍)

now onto COLD HEARTS!jaemin however, he's just..not in that position. i've tried my best to depict him rather toxic and manipulative but i have realised that i should have made it more obvious or like out in the open to give his charcter the light i needed him to have.

ofc he's absolutely valid for feeling neglected, however – and this will be revealed in future chapters – he was never really neglected in the first place. he simply hates everyone in y/n's life and wanted her all to himself all while maintaining his own social circle as usual. on top of it all, he was actually the one in your ex bf's position since he constantly told y/n things like "nobody can put up with an attitude like yours" or "you're so difficult to talk to i feel like i can't ever have a normal conversation with you" when he simply didn't like her responses in the sense of its meaning and not even necessarily her tone.

you will understand the type of person he is the more chapters come since, yes they broke up, but he'll remain a firm part of the story till the very end!

i hope this somehow makes it a little more understandable which pov i wrote jaemin from.

sympathising with him in that matter is absolutely understandable bc we all would feel the same way, but i can reassure you that CH!jaems isn't one of us 💀

oh also, additionally i gotta comment here that y/n had to raise herself and her siblings and grew up in a very difficult household which lead to her having said attitude jaemin complains so much about. he knew this and basically – as the boys state in chap 5 – has made it his challenge to see if he can have her submit to him and prove himself that he can handle every type of woman.

i hope this all makes sense, i sometimes tend to forget that you guys cant actually look into my brain so i gotta type these thoughts and behind the scenes out every now and then! thank you sm for your feedback baby, ily 🥺🤍

[scary-monsters]

You're not supposed to message your exes and that probably applies to ex best friends as well, but I'll probably always be too headstrong to do what I'm supposed to.

I remember when you thought it would be a miracle if you made it to 25. I'm glad you did. And now just shy of 31. Proud of you. Glad to see you still can't help but love as loudly as when I knew you. I hope that never changes.

Since the last time we talked, I've learned a few things and one of them is that love is never wasted. It is an investment into a market incapable of crashing. If you feel like life has no purpose, putting love into the world is always time well spent. I hope, for the sake of the world, that you are around a lot longer to keep putting love into the world and to receive it in return.

Sincerely, someone who hurt you and was hurt by you. Someone who loved you a long time ago and loves you still. Someone who does not regret the love that was between us, because it was love well spent.

i've been sitting on this ask for a couple days now, both because i was busy with family obligations and also because i debated keeping it to myself and not answering, but that felt wrong and impolite. especially when this actually like.. did a lot for me. apologies in advance for me being overly emotional but, alas, this is just who i am.

there's a very small handful of people that this could be, because i have not had very many best friends in my life, but based on context clues i think i know who it is. regardless, i'm really touched that you remembered me and wanted to reach out, especially since i've been going through it pretty heavily lately and very few people tend to check up on me (which is okay and i'm not trying to be a brat about it, my point is just that we haven't spoken in years and yet you still remembered me, that means a lot). i have been avoiding social interaction for the past week for personal reasons, but i've felt incredibly alone and unfortunately when my mental health tanks i tend to isolate even further. it always feels like self-preservation, so i have yet to learn how to stop doing it, but i really wish i could. just one of many things i'm working on with regards to myself, i guess.

i tend to believe that, when i part ways with people (especially when it's messy and emotional and not very amicable), i always leave a very gross taste in their mouth and that my memory will always be tainted by the hurtful things i said or did. i worry that i have done nothing good for anyone in my life ever and tbh that fear often keeps me awake at night. i want to be a good person so badly and i try my best but i'm painfully aware of my faults and my capability to be a Very Not Nice person. i will admit that for years i looked back on people who hurt me or abandoned me with little to no love in my heart but in recent years i've done a lot of work on myself and i do consider myself a fairly forgiving person. i try to live life as patiently as i can with regards to other people, i always try to understand what someone else could be going through. so no matter who you are, i promise you i have let go of that anger. it's in the past now, i really hope you are doing well and living your best life and i sincerely apologize for the pain i put you through. i imagine it was never intentional, everyone i have ever loved in my life, i have loved fully 🧡

[mrs-monaghan]

Hey, Shaz! Hope you're doing well. This is the first time I'm showing myself around here. Love your posts.

I was thinking. Not only is yelling "BH ARE FORCING THEM TO DO FAN SERVICE/PR!" dismissing KM's relationship and Tae's free will to choose his own girlfriend, but it's also so disrespectful towards BTS as a whole and the other members individually. It's perpetuating the idea that idols are nothing but their company's toys and they're forced to do things they don't want to do, something BTS have been trying since pre-debut to prove wrong in their case. It's something Namjoon struggled with a lot back in the day because people loved shitting on his work, dismissing his status as a rapper and calling him an industry puppet. It was and apparently still is a problem. Saying that KM and Tae are forced to do fan service/PR stuff these days is no different than calling them tools, pawns, toys, liars. According to this logic, the BTS members are pretty fake because BH can totally force them to do anything and they're quietly following orders. They have no will of their own, they're being handled, even though they're unfireable millionaires and literally the breadwinners. (Now imagine Yoongi forced to do something. That man would probably set the company's building on fire before he allowed others use him for their benefit. I'm joking. I'm joking. Or am I?)

When we got into this Bangtan stuff, most of us stayed because of how genuine these men were. They were keeping it real, they were relatable, they were "just like us". People always talk about this in the community like it's their life motto. "BTS are genuine" left and right. It's something ARMYs are very proud of. But when it comes to KM the genuineness goes out the window. JM and JK are not genuine. They're feeding us lies. They're this and that. People claim they love them (or at least one of them if they're a hardcore TKer, although a lot of these individuals hate JK as well and it shows), but they're so quick to doubt and portray both JM and JK as awful people. Because if TK is real (which is not), KM are terrible friends to Tae and if I were a TKer and I saw JK in JM's business 24/7 I'd wish TK broke up to be honest. If they have other secret relationships (which they don't), they're being horrible boyfriends to their partners when they suck and bite each other's ear and neck, flirt in broad daylight, hold hands, go out and have fun just the two of them all the time, talk until morning, come together, leave together, joined at the hip and are overall extremely Romantic Couple™.

KM apart, I'm writing this for very specific people, but y'all don't deserve any of these men. Clearly, you don't respect them or their decisions. You don't trust them and you don't believe in their autonomy. You think they're just BH's marionettes. At this point I really don't understand why some of you are stanning them. You obviously don't like BTS.

Idek what chapter 2 has become. People like me who became Armys last year it was literally such bad timing to join the fandom. I wouldn't be shocked if some people just turned around and left. Ever since solo projects were announced its been a fucking mess. And from what I gather while the vermin were many they never used to be as vile as they are now. Chapter 2 just seems to have made them worse.

When BTS were still doing ot7 stuff it was easy to think we were all ot7. (Well, apart from solos who make that pretty obvious) But these big, big accounts got away with pretending to be ot7 back then. But now with members doing shit one at a time people are showing their true colors and it has not been pretty.

I envy people who support BTS on the surface. People who are only subscribed to BTS official accounts and only listen to their music and watch their reality shows then go about their day. Those people know peace. 😂 Ignorance is bliss y'all.

Stay strong Jikookers. Stay strong. It's gonna be alright. I promise 😘

[moorishflower]

hi!! im absolutely astounded at the amount of depth and heart thats in all your fics, and im also very floored at the amount at which you write—im at a cross between admiration and maybe jealously lol!! I wanted to ask, are there any fic of yours (sandman or not) that you think are underrated/deserves more attention?? super excited for everything you ever write!!

asdfg anon thank you <3 So I have a Problem where I have a lot of anxiety about what I create, and when that's writing, if I am not writing The Next Great Novel, then I need to sate the brain demons SOMEHOW, and writing a LOT is the easiest way to do that. I want very badly to please people, and fortunately it's not a hardship for me to write the amount that i do, though I AM trying to consciously like. Take breaks if I need? Take a night off? Keep it healthy looool. But that I'm able to write things that people are consistently finding value and meaning in is a continuous and beautiful marvel to me so thank you, thank you very much!!!

So I read your second part of the ask wrong at first and had gathered uh several fics which I think are underrated that are NOT mine

One Half of a Whole by @violetequus8 - Absolutely REMARKABLE post-apocalyptic literature. Equus captures an entire world and history in 4000 words. There are sentences in this fic that rewrote my brain chemistry.

The entire like this slumber that creeps to me series by @tobrokenstone - THIS. This is survival the way I fucking LOVE IT. Bleak, stark, hard decisions, lasting consequences, surprisingly tender cannibalism (this last may be...specific to me and a few select others lol)

Once again repping the point-set-triangulation series by therm0dynamics, which is singlehandedly the series that got me into Hob/The Corinthian (it's about MIRRORS it's about PARALLELS)

And at this point I realized that you'd asked about which of MY fics I think are underrated, and I was just so caught up in the thought of repping my friends that I lived in a world where I did not write for a moment loool

Salt and Rye is the result of a prompt on tumblr. I wanted to try and capture that feeling of recreating a parent or grandparent's recipe and failing, because it's SUCH a disheartening moment, but I wanted to make it lighter, because Hob has someone there to share the comedy of it with him.

Here there be dragons is my latest fic in the Siren AU and I do think that people who aren't into scifi in general will be more likely to give it a pass, but I'm very proud of it, and very proud of the emotions it evoked in ME, and I promise it's not hard scifi like The Martian or even really pervasive scifi like Star Trek! I just tried to think realistically about what our planet would look like and feel like in 1500 years, and how we might need to leave it. Also, Dream's still a carnivorous octopus man.

an act of faith is the vampire fever dream that struck me at like 3pm on a Saturday and I blacked out for like two hours and this was what I'd written during that time. I enjoy writing obscene levels of devotion and you can't really get much more obscene than "willing to tempt death year after year even though no one's asked you to in order to prove to YOURSELF that your lover loves you"

Honestly I don't think many of my fics are underrated! They're all written at different points in my development and my understanding of myself as a writer, and they range pretty widely in terms of theme and genre sometimes, so some, statistically, are going to be kind of niche! And that's okay! I guess the only thing I'd say is that even if you think something isn't your jam, unless the tags are specifically triggering you give it a try! The worst thing that'll happen is you get a paragraph in and then back out again. An extremely smart person (it was @xx-vergil-xx <3) recently said something along the lines that part of healthy interacting with art is also knowing when to put it down, but it's also important to give different things a chance so that you learn more about yourself and your preferences. I myself am trying to expose myself to and write more angst? Because it makes me deeply uncomfortable to do so! But that's a valuable feeling to know and recognize! Idk i just think we all get different stuff out of writing and it's just nice that I've been able to provide something to so many people <3