#I watched the show last spring and listened to the books audio book over the summer and absolutely LOVED IT

[wavesmp3]

is there a taglist or way to be notified when ode to you is released? djats and coups are literally my fav things combined i'm so excited

sure! I’ll tag you whenever it comes out :)

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of spring cleaning

11pm monday, april 3, 2023

family in town this week! i've been vacuuming! and cleaned the bathroom! funny how the title of these posts is starting to turn into a pattern, where the X in 'in lieu of x' is becoming an obligation more and more often...i guess as befits a fun little side project that i keep up instead of doing other things? even though it didn't start out with that sense in mind? curious. spoilers for some of the early episodes of dimension 20: neverafter, baru cormorant 3. and the first three episodes of ted lasso season 3!

reading having fun with baru 3 again. the masquerade ball (a masquerade ball! in a series about masks!) was v fun for me. the dialogue lately between barhu and heingyl and iscend and even aminata and shao lune has been great. seeing tau-indi back in action has changed everything. watching aminata fucking evolve and change her position and go against her earlier principles is so really excellently done. i hope to finish this up, since i have a backlog of things now on my phone and piling up next to my bed physically, nona (and rereading harrow) and jasmine throne and the golden enclaves and more, not to mention more victoria goddard and the rest of what we all long for and my various malingering libby loans which i keep asking to be delivered later....

watching caught up on the first new episodes of series 3 of ted lasso this weekend, and oh wow i've missed this show. i have inchoate emotional thoughts about roy + keeley, and about ted and his family shit, about rebecca and ted clashing over the need to 'fight back' as the season progresses, over the nate of it all, but i think none of that has surprised me? i'm here for it, but it's not unexpected (even the roy/keeley situation, that was flagged at the end of the last series). what has so far surprised me, in the sense that, i am pleased to see the show introducing new complications and layers and avenues of inquiry, has been shandy, keeley in management and how that's going, trent's book and watching him relate to roy (that scene with the review, aghhh) and watching them realize that they have the memory, the history of the sport, that beard and ted don't have, the roy and jamie scenes, the way jamie has been really great actually? especially seeing him react to zava? and finally, the chance to get to know colin. we've gotten to know isaac a bit, and sam a lot, and i am here for this deep dive into a new player. and it's not just because he's the welsh player, or the closeted player, i've always had a soft spot for colin and i'm excited to see more of him! and i'm worried for him now, but... not that worried because he is, after all, a strong and capable man. also, because this is apparently the final season, i have some...what's the opposite of trepidation. about how things will go. sure, there will be surprises and probably some heart-wrenching stuff but whatever will happen, will happen with a sense of finality, if that makes sense.

(this is a very silly picture, but it has trent and zava in it whereas most of the cast shots don't, so.)

listening an almost constant stream of dimension 20: neverafter, every time i'm outside the house. i'm still only just through episode 5, trouble in tuffeton, so it's a good thing i'm not waiting to watch these with the video-- having the dropout subscription has enabled me to stream just the audio, which is better for commuting and also is i think good for me this season-- as much as i'd like to see people's faces, the maps and whatnot, the minis are a little immersion-breaking. i may go back to watching alongside an hour or two of stardew, now that i have access to my games again, hooray. anyway i'm obsessed with lou, with zack, with noticing and really appreciating murph? all of a sudden? as a player and as someone playing a character who is flawed and still very funny. ally beardsley my beloved. the premise for this season was exciting to me, and then the multiverse / stories within stories flavor was...less so, it feels like well-trodden fairy-tale territory at this point to get so meta about storytelling, but the more i listen the more i am surprised and pleased by brennan's choices and how these reinterpretations are achieved. i love pitting the princesses against the fairies. i love the overlap between the characters' backstories (pinocchio's mother being the bad fairy!?) and everyone doing so fucking well at being both players who Know Things and unreliable narrators as their characters who Couldn't Know.

playing got to hang out with the lovely @floragraph and play a little stardew valley today! it's been so nice to dip back in, now that my laptop is fixed and functional again. also revisited pentiment with @dimir-charmer and we've absolutely run down the clock on this one bit without a satisfactory solution, and it's stressful! this is a good game!! and finally, d&d yesterday was a riotous delight, a run-in with the fantasy pinkerton detectives, and now a horse-chase. what a good game.

making fucked around in the kitchen yesterday while on the phone with an old friend, and together we concocted an interesting soup, using a quarter of a japanese pumpkin i had. roasted, pureed, mixed with sage and cream and ginger and a bit of roasted carrot...you get the picture. a solid B+ for totally improvised soup. totally improvising soup and adding little things to taste until it arrives at Pleasant, Actually always reminds me of my gran.

working on a bunch of things that aren't actually my work, which is starting to cause a bit of stress. applied for a funding award last week, while also sitting down with a couple of profs to talk about my rejected paper and where to send it next and how to amend it (which i have yet to do), though, so there's that. put several hours into paid work for my RAship though, that felt good. i also filed a bit of paperwork that ended up being easy but was frustrating in the moment, which i can consider a win. i need to finalize and book a bunch of summer travel things, start and finish my taxes, make these revisions and do so in a timely manner so that i can send the drafts to the people who need to read them.... but it all feels sort of far away and dreamy in comparison to the last few weeks of march, for better or for worse. instead, i have begun duolingo dutch and looking up travel phone plans in the netherlands...!

[thearchivistswilltolive]

I posted 811 times in 2022

That's 653 more posts than 2021!

126 posts created (16%)

685 posts reblogged (84%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@kohak-u

@shortgremlinman

@ducksmith1546

@inthetags

@professionalchaoticdumbass

I tagged 210 of my posts in 2022

#dw spoilers - 85 posts

#doctor who - 28 posts

#heartstopper - 14 posts

#heartstopper tv - 11 posts

#thasmin - 10 posts

#charlie spring - 9 posts

#nick nelson - 9 posts

#the magnus archives - 8 posts

#alice oseman - 6 posts

#the power of the doctor - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#like bro. what if i don’t shave my legs and i have a big nose and my lips are small and my ears are red and my thighs are big

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

do you guys know how madly blindingly angry I am that there is not going to be another julie and the phantoms series. them fuckers at netflix cancelling all the good fucking shows. no more fucking jatp and babysitters club is ended as well. i’m literally crying about these kids shows. we never got to see alex x willie become real. it ended on a cliffhanger. i’m so tired. it was so good as well.

EDIT: at least we have heartstopper. thank fuck. I feel like we deserve it after this. but equally like. this is tumblr. the demons on this hellsite deserve none of alice’s blessings. thank you Alice Oseman for making my live liveable btw :))

68 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

#4

I WANTED A FUCKING GOODBYE KISS

JUST A TEAR SOAKED “hey. one last thing” KISS

ITS NOT THATFUXKINFHARD

MY CRYINF HAS MORPHED INTO ACTUAL RAGE

71 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#3

hi does anyone have queer book recommendations that are less… concrete. about who they’re representing.

I’m a queer person. I know this. I think i’m non binary but I don’t know. I might be a girl I might be a guy i don’t know. I’m with a guy, but I think I also like girls. I think ? I think i’m asexual but I could be wrong you never know.

I want a book that gets that. i’m not questioning. I just don’t particularly care. I think that the only characters I get who are like this in any way, are very bi coded. the ace spec vibes is the things that I never find. I don’t mean someone discovers that they are asexual, but someone that knows about the asexual labels, and partly relates to them and is okay with that. I really just don’t relate to that certainty, or that sort of. tortured confusion. I am not tortured. I simply vibe baby.

72 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

#2

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS’ FAVOURITE PODCAST EPISODES. all the podcasts. EVERY AUDIO DRAMA. COME TELL ME WHAT PODCASTS YOU LISTEN TO AND WHAT YOUR FAVOURITE EPISODE(S) IS (ARE) AND WHY.

in person not many people listen to me about my podcast obsessions. I know how that feels. come rant to me about this. I would love to hear it. give me a whole fucking essay about all of your audio drama thoughts. thank you.

95 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I don’t think we have a release date yet but can we all agree to make the heartstopper tv show ridiculously popular? like watch it twice over in the first week of it being out- hype about it here, and on twitter, and just make it huge!! make people who haven’t even read the comic watch it because of the hype! I think we can do that if we try. any season two will be possible and sooner if we do. and also like, talk about it to real people in our lives like lame boring fuckers you know-

113 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[dawl-and-dapple]

rating: general word count: 1443

Essek and Jester being sweet, based on the non-sexual intimacy prompt 'escorting the other to a doctor/ therapist appointment' given by @mllekurtz

***

Can you drive me to the dentist next week pretty please?

It’s been almost a year since Essek had first been asked to give one of his friends a lift. The requests had slowed somewhat since Caleb finally got himself his own car two months ago, but he is not yet necessarily free from this particular duty. Now he receives a text asking to be driven out of town most often when Caleb is occupied with work, sick, or inebriated.

These texts used to make him wince. After some time they made him smile. These days, they tend to catch him a little off-guard.

Is Caleb not available? he responds.

No, Jester texts back, he’s got an appointment too. Are you gonna be busy?

No, I will be available. I’ll drive you.

Thank you!! I’ll meet you outside the school like usual!! Love you so much!!!!

Essek puts away his phone. He remembers where Jester’s dentist is from the last time she had him drive there. There’s a nice café two blocks away where he could wait out her appointment, reading and enjoying a cup of tea, before driving her home again. He puts his mind to picking out which book to bring.

Five days later, when Essek arrives in the small car park across from the art college, he’s twenty minutes early. He occupies himself by methodically checking his emails, texts, then social media.

Caleb has sent him a photo of Frumpkin playing with his television’s cables. Essek asks if he’s forgotten about his therapy appointment. Caleb responds with a photo taken through a windscreen of a city road, blocked with traffic as far as the eye can see, and a text reading, I wish I had.

Someone knocks on Essek’s window.

“Hey!” Jester’s nose presses up against the glass. “You got here early,” she says, muffled. “You should have let me know.”

“I am not going to encourage you to leave class early, Jester.” He opens the passenger door.

“Boo.” Jester flops into the seat and begins buckling herself in as Essek starts the engine. “We could have hung out a little! We’ve all been so busy since the summer and I miss you, you know. I wanna know how you’ve been! Do you wanna talk about work? Probably not. How about, um, how’s the new flat? I heard Caduceus helped you settle in.”

“I have been well,” Essek says as he pulls out of the car park. “You remember that miniature flower bed you helped me build on my windowsill? I have been growing a little basil plant there.”

“Oh! Have you used the leaves to make anything?”

Essek winces. Of the scant few recipes he could reliably prepare, most are from his home. He’d failed to find a Xhorhasian supermarket in the area after moving and had taken it as a strong sign to try working with what he’d been given. But his lack of experience cooking anything at all made adapting that much harder.

“The cooking part...I am working on that. I will be asking for Caduceus’ guidance again.”

“I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it,” Jester says airily while digging through the small collection of audiobooks and music discs in the door compartment. “How long have you had these? Caleb’s car doesn't even have a CD player. Oh, I bet Caleb could help!” She grins at his reflection in the internal mirror. “He can make some very tasty Zemnian meals, you know.”

“I do know. I believe I’ve eaten one or two prepared by him at a dinner party with the others.”

“You should ask him to teach you the recipes.”

“I might. What did you get up to today? Painting? Sculpting?”

Jester smirks. She answers him, goes on to talk about her current project (a ten-foot-tall collage of hundreds of vintage pinup photographs, though Essek cannot parse the meaning of it). Essek gets the distinct impression that she’s barely holding herself back from needling him more.

As they reach the edge of the city, the traffic slows. A heavy sense of doom overcomes Essek, while Jester flips through the radio channels.

Someone behind Essek honks. He grits his teeth.

“Oh, the traffic here is pretty bad, huh.”

Essek flexes his hands around the steering wheel. “Yes, it seems so.”

Jester turns the radio off. “Do you have to be anywhere after this?”

“No,” he replies. The car comes to a dead halt. “I do not.”

Jester bounces in her seat as if she might be able to peer over the roofs of the dozens of gridlocked cars ahead of them. “Oh man,” she says. “I’d get there faster if I walked.” She goes quiet. After a heartbeat she smiles and turns towards Essek. “Hey Essek? Do you have any sexy audiobooks?”

“What?”

“Like, do you have a CD in here of someone reading a porn book out loud.”

“No, why would I have–?”

“That’s okay, I can plug my phone into the dashboard.”

“Please, Jester.”

“Okay!” She laughs, tucking her phone back into her jacket pocket. “What CDs do you have? All the titles are in Undercommon...”

“Most are audio documentaries. There are two about special relativity, one about magnetism, and one on the life of a particular astrophysicist. There’s also a rock album in there somewhere; my brother gave it to me as a joke.”

Jester snorts.

“I am very boring, aren't I?”

“No!” Jester suddenly grabs his shoulder and shoves him around in his seat, which would have worried him were they moving at any velocity at all. “You’re not! Essek, you’re very fun and interesting.”

Essek smiles as he’s shaken from side to side, keeping his eyes on the traffic jam ahead. “I am very fun and interesting,” he repeats.

She finally stops shoving at his shoulder. “I should get you some new fun CDs for your car. I don’t even know where to buy CDs these days, but I'll get you some.”

“Can you promise there will be no more than one pornographic item in this collection?” he asks, raising his brow at Jester in the mirror.

“Oh, sure.”

“Then, as they say, go wild.”

“Neat. Hey! I know we’ve all been super busy lately but I bet we can do, like, a dinner party or something. Just one evening. Yasha got back into town this week and Veth says Luc has been spending most weekends at his friends’ houses so she can come over. Maybe a Saturday night?” She’s pulled out her phone already. “We can just hang out in my and Fjord’s flat for a while. Or yours!”

“I do not think I have enough space for nine.”

“But would you be free?”

He thinks. “Next weekend, yes.”

Jester pumps her fist in the air. “Awesome! I’ll text the others.”

The traffic moves ever so slightly. Essek watches the cars ahead of him like a cat watching a bird.

“Beau might be the busiest but I bet she’ll want to come. Oh, Caleb can cook something with Caduceus! One of those meals you liked.”

“Uh, maybe.”

“Maybe you can show him a recipe you know too. Try that sometime.”

“Hm.” The car in front finally budges. Essek inches forward.

“I bet he’d love that, Essek.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I know you don't think you’re a good cook, but I remember that rice meal you made when I came over last spring and it was good!”

Now they’re driving again, if at no more than five mph. Essek grips the wheel.

“Make that meal, put on a good movie, wear something cute — that black top with the long sleeves I think — and it’ll be smooth sailing. Trust me, Fjord was no match for the tried and true Lavorre Technique.”

“Hm.”

“And then maybe you can finally talk to him about your big fat crush on Cay-leb.”

The car directly ahead halts. Essek swears and steps on the brake. He stares at Jester. “Pardon?”

She just grins at him.

“I was not listening. Sorry.”

“Oh that’s okay,” she croons, “But guess what…”

Essek is familiar with this tone. It doesn't scare him as much as it used to; he’s developed somewhat of a pavlovian response to her mischief in spite of his initial displeasure. As her grin widens, Essek feels a mirrored anticipatory smile spread across his face.

“You’re stuck in here with me,” she sings, waving her index fingers side-to-side with each word, “and we’re stuck in here together, and I wanna know the truth. So…” She leans forward. “Don’t you like him?”

Essek, face hot, but still smiling, reaches for the radio fast enough to fumble the air conditioning.

[manggaetteokkie]

So what are your top 5 favorite BTS songs and then top 5 favorite BTS videos?

Then what are you top 5 favorite Jikook moments? Lol Haaaard questions

Gonna combine these two cause I think these are from the same anonie, who I’m starting to think likes to make people suffer djfhskdh (if it’s not from the same person, then big rip) 

Sorry this took so long, I was really trying to narrow it down to top 5 and I think I still ended up failing... I actually do this with my friends but usually, we’re a little bit more generous by narrowing it down to stuff like: top 5 title tracks, top 5 rap-line, top 5 vocal line, top 5 albums, etc... Asking me top 5 songs from their entire discography is absolutely savage.

For my top 5 BTS songs (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER BECAUSE I BARELY NARROWED IT DOWN TO FIVE, YOU CANT MAKE ME RANK THEM):

Blood Sweat & Tears: the monarch, the goat, putting it simply, the absolute best. I honestly remember when the Wings short films started dropping, my friend and I panicked HARD because we were like “WTF IS GOING ON WHAT IS THIS”. And then the teaser dropped, and it was so different from the “typical” BTS we’ve been getting, so we were even more confused. But then... The MV dropped and that was honestly just such a massive turning point for everything. Also, as an ARMY with a Jimin bias, I almost didn’t survive it.

Attack on Bangtan: okay this is honestly just such a fun hype song that never gets old no matter how many times you listen to it? It’s honestly a classic and whenever it plays on Run BTS, I know I’m either about to witness an epic moment or it’s gonna send my ass on the floor from laughing. (Also, let us never forget Tae’s “Nico nico niiii~”)

I Need U: okay this was The song that got me learning all their names and holy shit, I’ve listened to this song so much, it’s currently 5th most played song (out of nearly 2k songs) in my iTunes with 1,338 plays. When one hears “Fall...”, one does not simply resist the urge to belt “EVERYTHANG” with feelings. Also, funnily enough, the one that first caught my eye was Yoongi, there was something so eye-catching about the way he rapped in such a despondent manner at the start of the mv. 

House of Cards: I definitely need to put this one because I’ve listened to this song a total of 2,104 times, if you add the Prologue (short) version total (861) to the full length one (1,243). This was my “hoe” anthem long before My Time was born. I deadass fell in love with the song 10 seconds in, there was no saving me and you cannot stop anyone from doing emo bodyrolls when it comes up. Jikook’s bridge? I can’t sing to save my life but you can bet your ass I’m lipsyncing to that shit every single time.

I HATE THIS. I HATE PICKING THE LAST ONE, I WANT TO FIT THEIR ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY INTO THIS LAST SPOT FFFFFFF.

And now, the last one... can I cheat and throw Euphoria, Serendipity and Seesaw all at my 5th spot? Cause I REALLY can’t pick one out of these 3 skjdhfkshdkf I have such an emotional attachment to Serendipity and Euphoria at this point (DJ Swivel remix of Euphoria? Hello?? I almost cried??? You are me, I am you?? HMMM????), and Seesaw just really surprised me. I absolutely was not expecting it, but holy shit, Seesaw slapped and it slapped hard. At this point, I’m like, anything Yoongi touches turns to absolute gold, I can’t resist him.

Okay I have so many other faves (Spring Day, Baepsae, etc.) but since you only asked for top 5 and not, like, top 100, I have to stop myself here, but I also very curious about your top 5s if you guys wanna share!! Let’s see how well you do, only narrowing it down to 5.

For my top 5 BTS videos (I only counted Bangtan Bombs and live performances, excluding MVs, since you didn’t specify. Otherwise there are too many... just thinking about how many Run BTS episodes I could fit otherwise lmfao):

Perfect Man: I’m a Jimin stan. What did you expect, me to not include this masterpiece??

As I Told You: Good lord, Jungkook was so fkn attractive in a hockey jersey of all things. I honestly loved it so much, I can listen to the live audio as is.

2018 MMA - IDOL Intro Performance (3J focus): Again, I am a Jimin stan. But seriously, from Hobi hitting every. single. beat. while dancing on a raised platform, to Jimin’s fan dance (I streamed the show live and I couldn’t focus on anything else after), to JK lounging like the absolute king that he is, what’s not to love?

It’s Tricky Bangtan Bomb: oldie but goldie, honestly. All of them were babies but holy shit, if their casual dancing didn’t absolutely make me fall in love with them all over again. It honestly never gets old no matter how many times I watch it.

BTS Carpool Karaoke: I have to admit, I honestly got stuck picking the last one so I went with this one because I feel like this is a really really good video to introduce others to BTS to. From their amazing acapella vocals (JK belting Finesse lives in my mind rent free) to how they were so perfectly themselves? You had Hobi’s sunshine smile in the middle, Baby Mochi, Jin’s “I don’t know what he said, but let’s laugh ha ha ha ha”, etc. 

Okay I have to admit something, I probably forgot like 90% of their videos so if any of you guys mention a video, I might go “AH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE SKDJFHKSH” so take this list more as a “bangtan videos you should 100% watch” :^)

For my top 5 jikook moments (you absolutely devil, how could you ask me such a question), in no particular order because, again, I actually cannot physically bring myself to rank them:

Jimin comforting a crying JK during LY: (6:05) the way Jimin ran over as soon as he saw Jungkook bent over, facing the backstage. My heart. And he kept JK company for a bit, making sure he was fine before leaving. This whole thing just makes my heart melt into a puddle no matter how many times I think/see about it because it’s like, the timing is just? Anpanman barely started and he just looked over, saw, and ran over. Jesus Christ.

That Jikook moment during SY Seoul Finale: Just how much comfort Jimin must represent for Jungkook to let the dam free once again just seeing his face aghhhhhasgdahj I literally made an entire post about that moment because of how incredibly soft it gets me. I’ve linked it but it’s also my pinned so it’s very easy to find. 

“Are you guys dating?”: (start) holy shit okay so this moment is so sdjkfhkdshkfdhks the way both of them were so giggly? It never fails to make me laugh how absolutely done Joon sounded when he said “push quickly!” Also, just how soft did Jimin make his voice when he asked “are you ready”? and how JK, the single most competitive member of BTS, was just giggling the entire time and didn’t even try pushing Jimin before Jimin ended up eliminating himself. Not to mention how JK couldn’t into Jimin’s eyes and only finally made eye contact with at the very end :^)

MMA 2018: lmao okay so I’m just gonna throw this entire fkn night into the mix. I still remember how it was the wee hours in the morning for me when I started following the live stream and damn, they were literally inseparable the entire time. My TL was exploding in Jikook content and between watching them through the official broadcast and watching the fancams, I was BUSY. They did everything: whispering to each other’s ears, slinging their arms around each other’s shoulders, JK massaging JM’s nape, JK pulling JM down to sit... phew.

GCF in Tokyo: Okay so this is one of those things that the more you think about it, the more you can’t believe it’s real. I couldn’t not include this simply because of how meaningful the whole thing was. There’s so much about it that makes me ????? because JK really booked a two-person trip to Tokyo for Jimin’s birthday. And Jimin genuinely had fun on that trip. The whole thing just shows how comfortable the two of them are with each other because they’d never had gone on a trip together elsewise. I recently saw a Korean movie director’s reaction to GCF and the whole thing didn’t have any subs, but the two reactors were like “ohhh... these two... these two must be really close” (they’d reacted to BTS MVs before, but they’re not familiar with how the members are outside of that). From my limited Korean understanding, the movie director then commented “Because the model and the director are so close, it’s very natural” (if I’ve gotten any Korean followers, I’d love to get confirmation on the words said because my Korean understanding isn’t perfect and I don’t want to be spreading crap around). GCF in Tokyo is also the first video posted under the GCF label, with JK editing the whole thing himself. He filmed, he directed, he edited. And his main actor was Jimin.

I was this 👌🏻 close to adding LY lap sitting and Rose Bowl moments but I had other faves to include so I thought I’d go with something else :^) GCF forced its way into my list, I had no say in it.

Okay so I hope this was enough skdjfhkdshfs this post got really long cause I couldn’t help myself from giving reasons for why I included the ones I did, I’m sorry sjkfhdks Please feel free to share you’re own fave songs/videos/jikook moments!!

[eschergirls]

Originally posted at: https://eschergirls.com/photo/2020/04/22/guaranteed-get-female-your-bag

Another gem from Jess Morrissette on Twitter:

"What if we simply played to our strengths? What if we're so good at gaming, it somehow triggers an 'I want the alpha male' response in females?" A Game Geek's Guide to Getting Girls (PC Accelerator, February 2000).

I know PC Accelerator was trying to be a Maxim for gamers thing but holy crumbs.  Even as comedy this comes up short.  I almost would say you could make a drinking game out of reading this article but you'd probably die taking shots whenever "a female" showed up.  Also extra points for the advice to hide your gaming interest from a woman until you "bag" her because not letting your partner know about an important hobby in your life is a great way to make sure she's interested in it. >_>

Transcription for screenreaders (thanks again to Bella (@MoviePosters00) for the transcription):

A GAME GEEK’S GUIDE TO GETTING GIRLS

Okay palm-shavers, listen up! Reaction time is a factor. Say the first word that comes into your mind when we say "flying fat baby with a bow and arrow." No — not Messiah! Dammit, your answer is the reason we're writing this article. When you see that pint-sized chubby cherub whizzing around plinking people, it means Valentine's Day is breathing down your neck ... and baby, with this much love magic in the air, even you might be able to get a date.

As a service to you, our reader and — dare we say it — our friend, PCXL has sought an answer to the mystery that plagues so many gamers, "how do I get a girl?" We've searched high and low, discussed this conundrum over beer, subjected ourselves to countless seconds of daytime talk shows, drank more beer, picked up (and hastily put down) many women are from Venus-type books, slurped down more brew ... and, amazingly, reached an answer.

COMMUNICATION

To get chicks, a guy needs to communicate — often by talking. Realizing this Herculean task would prove impossible for almost any gamer worth his gaming spurs, and tougher for those even more worthless, we beat our heads against this barrier for days (and sucked down more beer) until a glimmer of hope laser-burned its way through the hangover.

What if we simply played to our strengths? What if we're so good at gaming, it somehow triggers an "I want the alpha male" response in females? Heavy stuff. Before we could commit our theory to print, we knew it needed rigorous testing, experimentation, quantifiable results. Unfortunately, we have no scientific credibility whatsoever. But we've never let a lack of credibility stop us before.

TERMINOLOGY

Here's a quick primer of terminology used in our experiments ...

Chick = Girl = Babe = Woman = Lady = Female = The ones with the bumps who constantly perplex us

Game Guy = You = Horny = Geek-like = Perplexed = Everyone needs a little help sometimes

Game =Game

Theory = An unproven idea that's more than likely wrong

Hypothesis = An unproven idea that's more than likely wrong. Also, the side of a right-angled triangle opposite the right angle.

Postulate = Something you assume from the outset to be true, unproven and wrong pretty much by definition

PCXL = Horny = Geek-like = Perplexed = Everyone needs a little help — and we're here to give it

EXPERIMENT ONE: THE "INTERACTIVE ROMANCE"

SUMMARY

In an ongoing effort to bring males and females together via the arena of computer gaming, a number of new companies are creating "gender-friendly'" titles. DreamCatcher Interactive (http://www.dream-catchergames.com) has developed an interactive romantic adventure based on a true story. The Legend of Lotus Spring (set to release February 2000) has players of most major sexes participating in the story of a young emperor and the woman that he is forbidden to love. Described as a "whimsical, non-violent game," TLLS takes you to the Far East over 100 years ago, touching on cultural, as well as romantic and adventure elements. As a date-locating technique, the TLLS experiment was an abject failure, as evidenced by this Session Excerpt from a co-ed focus group:

SUBJECT ONE (female)

They should've gotten Fabio to be in this thing!

SUBJECT TWO (female)

I'd like to help with the "motion capture" for that!

SUBJECT ONE (female)

It's so whimsical and non-violent!

SUBJECT THREE (female)

Awwwww, look at that! There's a "virtual serenade."

SUBJECT FOUR (male)

Sweet Jesus, please let me die.

PLUSES

Subjects 1-3 enjoyed whimsical, non-violent gameplay; Subject 4 also experienced Culture and Sensitivity-Broadening elements, as per his previous plea bargain with the City and County of San Francisco, California. (His original offense involved animal shelter felines and "Black Cat" brand firecrackers, but we shan't elaborate on that story.)

MINUSES

Despite a sincere effort on Subject Four's part to share the cultural and romantic elements of the game, considerable friction erupted. Subjects 1-3 suggested a "Fore-Player HunkMatch" mode while Subject Four insisted the experience remain a "Single-Player Shooter." Alas, Subject Four did not survive the triple-strength Silent Treatment that ensued.

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Minus One. Not only did the male subject fail to score, but he was repeatedly and needlessly reminded of his utter lack of resemblance to Fabio.

EXPERIMENT TWO: PLAYING HOUSE

THE SIMS

Frankly, everyone believes that The Sims, from software-as-living-toy masters Maxis, is going to be an absolutely cool game. If you didn't read last month's exposé (crawl out from under your rock), it's the "game of life" made real.

You develop characters, Sims as they're called, and guide, coddle, force, etc. them through various phases in life, searching for financial and marital success. You can end up a lazy, jobless, criminal (much like the PCXL editorial staff) or you can develop a thriving career, gain the respect of your peers and co-workers, and generally lead the sort of enviable life we'll never quite achieve.

Lightbulb flashin' over your noggin yet? That's right — this should be perfect for connecting with chicks! We had the same thought ... not surprisingly, we once again demonstrated our total lack of experience and knowledge of the female thought process.

We were deep into the experiment when we realized that playing The Sims with a cute lass is like eating the broccoli and skipping dessert. How so? The Sims is just so real when you play it with a chick. They actually try to do well with their characters and they want you to succeed too. By the time you're done, you're married, employed, saddled with children ... and you haven't even gotten a kiss off the girl (in real life).

PLUSES

If you're really hard up, The Sims is sort of like practice for relating to real flesh and blood females.

MINUSES

The Sims presents all the work with none of the perks. Perhaps the most telling test-result was this ... babes don't get weak-kneed around men who play house!

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

2.5 dollies — While the game initially got the attention of the female subjects and painted the male subject in a sensitive light, it eventually rendered the male subject more hard up than ever in "real life."

EXPERIMENT THREE: GIRLS THINK THEY CAN DRIVE

NASCAR LEGENDS & TEST DRIVE 6

Why did man invent the wheel? So he could invent cars. Why did he invent cars? So he could impress chicks, of course. The attempt to translate the theory that "chicks are impressed by car-savvy guys" into "chicks are impressed by car-GAME-savvy guys" began with Test Drive 6 from Infogrames —and an utter failure to "get her motor running." The following audio was recorded during a race through Rome:

GUY

Hey! Watch the curve coming up!

CHICK

Is there a map? I don't think this is the best route, we should stop and ask for directions. Isn't Father of the Bride on Channel 4 tonight?

CAR

[CRASHES]

The session was immediately scrubbed and re-started the next day using Nascar Legends. In addition to bitchin' graphics, the incredibly realistic races in Nascar Legends are on tracks — eliminating the whole map thing. Our male test subject was able to expound on the muscular virtues of a 1970 Plymouth and get veeeery groovy in his lingo.

GUY

This is so groovy.

CHICK

Did you just say the word "groovy"?

As the race intensified, Nascar Legends and the general grooviness seemed to be having the desired effect.

CHICK

Mmmmm, wish I could drive this with a joystick ...

Unfortunately, this test case proved inconclusive, because the friggin' puss — ahem — guy, made the fatal mistake of paying too much attention to the game and ignoring the girl. He allowed a full 37 seconds to elapse before responding to the joystick statement, sending several possible messages to the test chick:

A) He was not interested in any way whatsoever in helping her get her hands on a joystick.

B) He cared more about the game than he did about her.

C) He is a total lame-ass and is wasting oxygen that a real man could use to deliver a clever joy-stick retort.

Despite the excellence of Nascar Legends, this experiment resulted in the death-knell response:

CHICK

Isn't Father of the Bride on Channel 4 tonight?

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Five joysticks for the game, three joysticks for the experience of actually playing this with a female, and an obvious and complete lack of a joystick on the part of the male test subject.

EXPERIMENT FOUR: CHANGING TACK

NOCTURNE

When G.O.D. opened the Spook-House doors and unleashed their deliciously ghastly Nocturne, little did they imagine the power they were placing in the hands of the would-be non-virginal male. A combination of "X-Files" chic and classic survival horror action, Nocturne will give you the tools to awaken your "little zombie" from the dead, but you can't expect G.O.D. to do all the work. Take a cue from the game's incredible atmosphere and transform your grotty little hovel into an environment suitable for jitters-induced romance. Lower the lighting ... candles would be a nice touch. Make sure your friend/room-mate/mom (oh, you sad little boy) won't pop in and burst your love-bubble at the climactic moment. Steal some grave stones and casually lay them about:

GIRL

Are those real grave stones?

YOU

Oh, these? They sure are.

GIRL

You're so cool, after we play a little bit of Nocturne, let's do some ... rubbings.

Don't talk during the game play if you can help it. Let the silence and tension build so that when a shambling horror suddenly lunges at her onscreen persona, she'll shriek. The effect is totally ruined, however, if you're the one who lets loose an effeminate shriek.

PLUSES

With proper set-up and execution, a "Nocturne Date" will deliver more sizzle than a dozen oysters. Even if you don't score, a night of blasting werewolves and zombies is a night well spent.

MINUSES

There's a definite gross out factor at work here. When ghouls overwhelm your date and feast on her twitching on-screen corpse, she may be more inclined to vomit than make out with you. On the other hand, you can turn this negative to your advantage by slapping a hand over the offending image and intoning in your best movie hero voice, "This isn't something you want to see."

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Four Severed Zombie arms. Good for you!

EXPERIMENT FIVE: SAVE ME HERO!

THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT

Admittedly an unlikely candidate for Date Movie of the Year, The Blair Witch Project — the overhyped no-budget, shake-cam, low-grade-video epitaph for three missing-and-presumed-screwed filmmakers — yielded the highest results in terms of female subjects exposed versus female subjects, ah, exposed. Throughout the course of the film, the three actors lose their bearings. hurl profanities at each other, and eventually meet an enigmatic but doubtless unpleasant end.

Of course, the game version of this, utilizing the Nocturne engine, is in the works and will be published by G.O.D. A clingy female, the DVD, followed by the game… what kind of loser would you have to be screw up this opportunity for a terror induced tryst? Now where the f —k is the map?

PLUSES

The overwhelming majority of female subjects tested responded positively. often sporadically clinging to the males next to them during, and in most cases after, the film. At least two left the theater with the stated intention of staying with the males that evening. Of course, at least a quarter of the male subjects also clutched the males next to them at least once during the film. There are, ah, other magazines that will deal with those test results.

MINUSES

A very. very slim but noteworthy percentage (about 8%) of otherwise-sensitive female subjects found the film's terror element utterly ineffective —thereby degrading the relative status of the participating males (who thought the film was scary) to that of instant, shriveled Weenie. “This is so not cool, Josh!”

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Five wood-stick-figure-thingies. Heh, heh, heh — we said "wood."

WHAT WE LEARNED

Of course, much of our experimentation assumed the herculean task of getting the girl into your "love nest” in the first place. If you can manage that, then it's best to keep your passion for gaming a secret (until you've bagged her).

Going the route of using horror to terrify a “victim”' to your arms is more fraught with problems (not to mention issues of legality). So get them in to your life in whatever way you can, then you can use the tips and game styles we've investigated to ensure that you can still spend time at your PC and keep the girlfriend happy (a tough mix — trust us).

What could possibly be better than a lovely co-operative Diablo adventure, a Worms: Armageddon face-off, or living out your virtual lives together in Everquest or Asheron's Call?

Remember though, that the real fun and frolics needs to be done in the real world, not online. There are probably laws against that kind of thing.

EXPERIMENT SIX: LET’S GET LITERARY

SALEM'S LOT

This technique was developed outside our offices but captured on videotape. It's so diabolical, so shameless, that we hesitate to even report it. But we will anyway.

The Diabolical Test Subject (DTS for short) had candles lit, Courvoisier at the ready, and was seated with a girl (GIRL for short) on a couch. Further still, he was, brace yourselves, talking to her. In the midst of our shock we realized that he was reading.

It took us two minutes to determine what tome of romantic lore he was reciting ... it was Salem's Lot, by Stephen King.

You may be saying "So what? I'm a gamer, not a librarian.” Or perhaps you've seen the 1970s made-for-TV movie “Salem's Lot" starring Starsky (or was it Hutch?) Well, pay attention Love Master ... by borrowing someone else's words you'll seem smart. By displaying no fear (even during the graveyard scene with little Danny Glick) you'll seem more manly. But above all else, by reading, you will appear to be communicating.

At press time we hadn't managed to work out whether Blue Byte's new Stephen King-based release F13 will induce the same terror effect as Salem's Lot. It does feature a new story from the currently rehabilitating horror-meister and desktop themes and screensavers, etc. for fan boys. Fan-girls are fewer, but never turn to their touchy-feely drivel as a substitute.

TIFFANYSDOMAIN.COM

Do you know why we love Tiffany so much? (If you've seen her pictures here and you don't know, you've got bigger problems than we thought). We love her because she's on Playboy's new video "Wildwebgirls.com"

And we love her because she's on the Playboy Channel's "Night Calls." She also has her very own website that we've been spending an inordinate amount of time “researching” for this feature ... tiffanysdomain.com.

If, after reading this little bit of prose, you still remain chickless, you can see a whole lot more of Tiffany (and a wagon-load of other babes who have problems staying dressed) on "Wildwebgirls.com”... or checkout www.playboy.com for all the steamy details.

Thanks Tiffany!

[iam93percentstardust]

AU-gust Day 2: College

Requested by @endrega23 for an ironhawk au! Disclaimer: I headcanon Clint as ADHD in this one based on my own personal experiences with ADHD. I understand that not everyone with ADHD has a universal experience and may not have an experience like Clint's or mine.

Also on ao3 here

~

Clint doesn’t like going to class. His ADHD makes it difficult for him to pay attention—or to keep from distracting other students—and the fact that he works nights means that he can’t take his meds in the morning to help him focus if he wants to be able to sleep that day so he just doesn’t bother going. It’s not like he doesn’t know the material anyway. He majored in Recreation Management so that he’d be “qualified” to do the job he’s been doing his entire life. At this point, he could probably teach his classes.

Tony, though, Tony goes to all of his classes, not because he needs to learn anything—he could definitely teach his classes—but because Howard thinks it’s important for him to show up. And because Tony is a sweetheart who wants to make a good impression on his professors.

Fucking Howard, Clint thinks as he slings his backpack over his shoulder.

He glances back toward the bedroom where he can just barely spot a tuft of brown hair sticking out from under the blankets. Tony sneezes, rolls over to face the wall, and sneezes again. Reassured that Tony is still alive, Clint sets out into the way-too-early morning (why do engineering classes have to be at the crack of dawn?).

He gets there early enough that he can snag a seat in the back of the classroom, mostly because he sees better from a distance but also to make sure that if his meds don’t kick in on time, he distracts as few people as possible. He’d resigned himself that morning to a sleepless day so that he could go to Tony’s classes—thankfully only two today—and actually focus on the lectures. He might know exactly what he’s doing in his own classes but the math Tony is learning goes way over his head. He’ll need to be able to pay attention so as not to miss anything important.

Fortunately, he comes armed with a special notebook Tony designed for him and a pen that records the audio of the lecture and when he uses the pen and notebook together, the notebook records a digital transcription of his notes. Hopefully, even if he misses something to write it down—and that’s always possible when professors talk at the board during their lecture because then, his hearing aids sometimes miss it—the pen will have picked it up.

The morning passes quickly, in a haze of a lot of math that Clint doesn’t understand but surprisingly almost as much math that he does understand, and then he’s trudging back through the snow to their apartment. They don’t live too far from campus, in one of the actually nice apartment complexes because Maria Stark insists on the best for her darling, which is great in the spring since they can just walk to campus but absolutely terrible in the winter since neither of them bothered to get a car because they can just walk to campus.

Clint blames Tony always forgetting to grab a hat and gloves when he leaves for why he’s sick now.

Tony hasn’t moved from the bed when Clint walks through the front door but he has the laptop propped up on the bed next to him and Clint can hear the sounds of some action movie floating through the apartment so he figures Tony is probably awake. He goes into the kitchen and starts heating up some soup. Neither he nor Tony are particularly good at cooking but he thinks he can probably manage dumping a can of soup into a pot and stirring it a few times.

He heads back into the bedroom once it’s heated with a bowl of the soup and a cup of chamomile tea. “How are you feeling?” he asks, setting the whole tray on the nightstand and reaching for the thermometer. Temperature first, then food.

“Leave me here to die,” Tony croaks dramatically.

“Can’t,” Clint says lightly. “I put too much time into this relationship to give up now.”

He holds the thermometer out. Tony obediently sticks it under his tongue. They wait a moment for it to flash 99.7—better than it was last night but still not great.

“Do you feel up to some lunch?” he asks.

Tony hums listlessly but reaches out for the bowl when Clint passes it to him. He helps him sit up, tucking a couple pillows behind Tony’s back so he’s not leaning against the hard headboard.

“Where did you go this morning?” Tony asks. “Get some time in at the range?”

Clint glances in the corner where his bow and quiver are still hung on the wall but maybe Tony had been too tired to notice them still there. “Do you really think I would abandon you here to go shoot some arrows?” he asks, telling himself not to be offended when Tony is sick and has pretty much never had someone to take care of him like this.

Tony shrugs. “You weren’t here when I woke up.”

“Because I went to your classes, dumbass.” He pulls the notebook out of his backpack and passes it to his sick boyfriend.

“Oh,” Tony says softly, flipping the book open to glance over Clint’s notes. “You did that for me?”

Much to Clint’s horror, Tony’s eyes are filling with tears. Aw shit, he’s so bad with emotion. “Ya know, maybe now since I did that, you’ll get me those fancy arrows I’ve been wanting for Christmas,” he scrambles to say and then wants to hit himself as soon as he’s done.

Tony though just smiles at him like he understands the sentiment behind it and leans over to kiss Clint’s cheek. “Thank you,” he murmurs before sinking back into the pillows.

“Yuck, germs,” Clint says cheerfully but he’s happy enough to curl up next to Tony on the bed when his boyfriend pats the empty space next to him. “What are we watching?”

Apparently one of the Bourne films, which Clint can’t stand, but he knows Tony loves him so he gamely turns down his hearing aids so that he doesn’t have to listen to the movie and instead puts his focus on cuddling Tony. He’ll probably get sick in a couple of days but Tony’s more important than worrying about a couple of germs.

[dailyaudiobible]

09/21/2021 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 37:1-38:22, Galatians 6:1-18, Psalms 65:1-13, Proverbs 23:24

Today is the 21st day of September welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is great to be here with you today as we do what we do and take the next step forward together. We are working our way of course, through the book of Isaiah and we have definitely crossed the halfway point in Isaiah. We are also working our way through Galatians. We’re reading from the Evangelical Heritage Version this week. Isaiah 37 and 38 today.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we just concluded the letter to the Galatians in our reading today. Tomorrow we will move forward to the letter to the Ephesians. So, just looking back. Galatia is more of a province that has many towns in it and this letter was sent…sent to the churches that had been developing in the region of Galatia. Tomorrow we’ll read Ephesians and that will be a letter written to the church in a specific city, Ephesus. And as we concluded Galatians, Paul left a little bit of a list. If we’re looking for it we can find all kinds of little…little characteristic lists, little things that we should be paying attention, little bits of counsel. And, so, as Galatians concludes today, we kinda have that and we can see it basically from verse 2 until verse 10 of chapter 6. So, let's just look at these suggestions and just invite our own heart to speak, like invite ourselves to be reflective about whether or not we’re heeding any of this counsel. So, first…I’m gonna just be quoting all this. “Bear one another's burdens, and in this way fulfill the law of Christ. For if someone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” So, we can…we can sit with that one for a while. Next. “Let each person test his own work and then he will take pride in regard to himself and not his neighbor. For each man will bear his own burden,” right? So, basically keep your eyes on your own life. Get that in order. Get that straight before you try to organize somebody else's life. The way Jesus would put this is, why don't you go ahead and get that log out of your own eye before you try to get the speck out of your brother’s eye. Again, some things worthy of contemplating and thinking about as it applies to the way we live our lives. Then next up. “Let the one who is taught the word share all good things with his teacher.” In other words, give honor where honor is due. And next up. “Do not be deceived. God is not mocked. To be sure whatever a man sows, he will also reap. Indeed, the one who sows for his own sinful flesh will reap destruction from the sinful flesh, but the one who sows for the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit”, which kind of begs the question if we’re sitting here thinking things through - what are we doing here? What are we about? What are we doing? What is our motivation? What are we after? Because there are two paths laid out here. Following the path of the sinful flesh will reap destruction from the sinful flesh. But one who is focused on the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit. Again, any one of these we can sit and just kinda put in our…the back of our minds and contemplate this all day long, just observing ourselves, watching the things that we do and the attitudes that we have and inviting God in as we compare our functional lives to the advice that Paul's getting here. And then next up. “Let us not become weary of doing good because at the appointed time we will reap if we do not give up.” So, what’s the encouragement. Keep going. You can do this. Keep going. One foot in front of the other. Don't be weary of doing good just because you're not seeing the payoff yet. Keep going. You will reap if you don't stop, if you don't give up. Keep going. Some of us need to hear that. And then lastly here. “As we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who belong to the household of faith.” And we could look at that go okay, yup, got it. I'll do that as I have opportunity. And then we’re so selfish that we never have opportunity. We should look at this flipped backward. When the opportunity is presented, let us do good to all people, and especially those who belong to the household of faith. And if we’re looking for opportunity to do good to all people. Then we will be fulfilling what was previously said, which is don't be weary of doing good because at the appointed time we’ll reap if we don't stop, if we don't give up. And, so, there are a number of things that we can carry around with us from Galatians, just from the last chapter of Galatians to help us to reflect on the way that we are conducting our lives.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, come. It's something that we ask every day, something that we need every moment, something that we need every breath. In fact as we become aware of our breath, we become aware of Your presence. When we breathe in we are inspiring, which means in spirit and we release in faith knowing that the next breath will come and we thank You that that's how simple it can be. Sometimes in the fog of life to become aware that You are here, that Your presence is with us. And we need Your presence. We need Your counsel. We need Your comfort. We need Your correction. Even as we look at what's here in Galatians today just applying this to the way that we live, show us how to not give up. Show us how to look for the opportunity to do good. Show us how to not draw attention to ourselves or to just be self-absorbed so that we’re only ever comparing ourselves to somebody else, which is useless. Show us how to grow up and live into this to be a mature son and daughter of the kingdom, we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com, that is the home base, it’s where you find out what’s going on around here. So, check it out. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can push the Drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner and that'll get you to the different sections that are available on the website.

So, check out like the Community section. This is where you'll find different links to get connected on social media. It is also where the Prayer Wall lives. And I rarely tire speaking about the Prayer Wall. I rarely tire of speaking about our community and the way that we love one another through prayer. It is truly the most remarkable thing, one of the most remarkable things I've seen over a sustained period of time, the way that we’re all over the world but we’re around the global campfire and we all go through the ebb and flow of life that sometimes feels like a roller coaster and we’re back-and-forth and pulled in all kinds of directions. And there are sometimes that we’re confessing. There are other times that we’re encouraging. And we just have a way around here of loving each other where were at and understanding that we’re in process. Every single one of us. And, so, the Prayer Wall is a wonderful resource. It's always there and it's in the Community section at dailyaudiobible.com or in the app. You can access it from there no matter what's going on, no matter what you are shouldering or carrying or whatever feels like it's clamped around your ankles and you’re dragging it or slumping your shoulders. You don’t have to do that alone. There are thousands, tens of thousands of people around here and we pray for one another. And maybe you've come out of a difficult time and are rejoicing in that. Well give glory to the Lord at the Prayer Wall. We all love to rejoice with each other. Or maybe we’re feeling strong right now. We've weathered some storms, but we know that we’re on an uptick and some other brothers and sisters are facing struggles of their own and we can go and encourage and pray for them and let them know that they aren't alone and that there’s somebody out there in this world that has gone before the Father on their behalf. That that is beautiful. That is the body of Christ. That is us being family spiritually on this earth, at least in part. And, so, certainly be aware of the Community section, whether in the app or on the web and be aware of the Prayer Wall.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if this mission to keep doing what we’re doing, which is to bring the spoken word of God read fresh every day and offered freely to anyone who will listen to it, anywhere on this planet any time of day or night. And because that's a rhythm and it happens every day to build community around that rhythm. We’re always ear around the Global Campfire. If that has made a difference in your life, then thank you for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button up at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi this is Denise Saved by Grace in Southern California. I want to pray for the…the lady…the mother who called and said her son was an ER nurse and her son just taken his life and how the new…the second surge has seemed hopeless for him. I too am a nurse in the second surge, and I just want to lift up all of the frontline healthcare workers and nurses and doctors. Father God, I just thank You and praise You Father for…that You are the divine healer Father and we thank You God for all of the…the talents that You've blessed us with in order to be able to use these…these gifts that You've given us to others. I just lift up all my brothers and sisters in healthcare Father, the doctors, nurses, even the EVS and dietary, everyone Father God that are putting their selves on the line Father to take care of others as this…this devastating disease hits us once again. Father we trust You Lord that You will see us through. I pray for strength in each and every one of us to Your God and I pray Father that You would just comfort us as…as we go through our daily struggles Father. Even with…even not in the hospital setting, even in our homes Father. I pray for the mother of that child…of her son Lord and I pray that You comfort her as she grieves and I pray Father God that there's anyone else Lord that thinks that there is no hope, Father help them to see them that…that…that You are our hope Lord God and that they don't need to take their own lives but give their lives to You for You can care for them better than...

Hi there, DAB family this is Daniella calling from Arizona I have an update, a praise report and a prayer request at the same time. I called in just a few nights ago asking for prayer for a young lady of 19 who went missing. And the praise report is that by God's grace amazingly she has been found. She is alive and she has been rescued from an evil man. So, she's no longer in the fangs of the enemy being mistreated to say the least by this evil individual. So, that…that's a great amazing praise to…to just praise God for. So, I’m very thankful she is alive. She's no longer being held captive. But unfortunately, along with that comes also a prayer request for her as in that week she went through hell to say the least. She was repeatedly assaulted, sexually assaulted. And I just ask form prayer for her healing physically, emotionally, spiritually on all fronts. That takes a long time to heal from to even recover, to just be better let alone in the long haul. So, that could be a lifetime. So, I pray that you would just intercede for her and her grandma who loves her and cares for her and who raised her. Please pray for her. Thank you so much.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible community this is Diane Olive Brown from Newburgh IN. I am an encourager, one of very many. Shalom shalom. Nothing is missing nothing is broken. And I was listening to Ezekiel this morning in August somewhere looking back making sure that I didn't miss anything. I missed a day in August. I think it was the 20th and where Paul was talking about, I can't give you solid food yet because you're like babies. And let's throw our log on the campfire and listen to this, that, listen to this…you're not…you're not able to eat solid food yet. I can only give you milk that we give to babies because your jealous of each other and you’re saying I’m apollos and I’m of Paul and you’re biting and devouring each other just the world. So, Ezekiel prayer that we would be…learn to eat solid food, food you give mature Christians. And if we're fighting and dividing amongst each other, if we're saying this one is better than this one or I want this one and I follow this one, where Jesus is the only one we should follow...

Hey DAB this is Tiffany from northern New Mexico and I just wanna tell you how much I love all of you. I love this family and I love how we are so united despite the fact that many of us have never met, actually most of us have never met and we may even live halfway across the world from one another. But the Lord connects us all. The hardest part for me is with every prayer request that comes in I just want to hug you. Whoever you are it doesn't matter I just want to hug you and take you out for coffee and hear more of your story and really been blessed to do that with a couple of you. But I guess I'll just have to look forward to meeting the rest of you when we're all living in our eternal home. But in the meantime, I just wanted to let you know that I love you guys and I'm lifting you up. I know that many others are as well. And I just wanted you to know, Trent from Ozwell thank you for continuing to share your story. And Vicki, my heart breaks for you. I have two boys and can't imagine what you're going through. Praying for you through grief. Giovanni I'm praying for you with COVID that God would heal you and your family. Tammy I'm…I’m praying for you to have that piece that you truly want. Brenda I’m praying for your mom Nancy with dementia. I have a loved one also with dementia and see how hard and…and just how hard it is. And Anointed I’m praying for your husband Ron for spiritual and physical and mental health. Val in Vegas we love you and I just pray that your surgery went well and that the surgeon’s hands were…

Hi this is Toni and I’m calling in response to a message that a gentleman from Alabama left on…we heard it on September 17th, and he talked about the hard struggles in your life, you know, abused as a child, cancer on the nose, and other things. And you talked about the importance of…you know…or the realization of the importance of counting one’s blessings. And just hearing your voice I just suspect you have been and that you are a significant blessing and that you’re living your life in a way where you are the hands and feet of the Lord blessing others. And, so, I just felt I need…that needed to be said and maybe that was inspired by the Holy Spirit. Just recognition and love of God coming through. So, God bless you and thank you for leaving your message for us. Bye-bye.

[echo-inthevoid]

Season 2 q&a and overall reaction

Jonny stealing everyone's names XD 

Is martin going to be ok!? I also need to know! 

He said no;-; 

ok ya, no one's gonna be ok. 

Ya, he must do sooo much research. 

Ya, except for "fatigue" lol.

Eyyy the mechanisms!! 

What's the red string brigade? Ok, I guess a group of fans theorizing about stuff. 

Oh ok so someone else did martins poetry. Ooh, there's more martin poetry out there! *grabby hands*

Ok ya, Alex clarifying that Jon isn't stupid he just makes poor decisions. Probably if he'd paused and thought about it (like I did lol, I had to go do some stuff in the middle of that ep and thought about it a whole bunch lol) instead of immediately going out and buying an axe and further isolating himself and panicking immediately he probably would have figured it out. This is why it's bad to panic in a crisis guys. 

Eyyy! Jonny's parents voiced Gertrude and Leitner! That's so cool. 

XD Jonny grumbling about having to work with his parents. 

Hmm, I hadn't really thought of Gertrude being like a mother figure in the story? She just seems very cut-throat I guess from what Leitner said. Idk so far I've been very suspicious of her. Especially since that one statement where her photo burned a whole bunch of people or something. She just seems very shady... 

Alex chortling over Jonny's pain. XD

Side note, Every time there's a q&a I just can't stop noticing Jonny's voice going in and out of archivist range? Like most of the time I'm just listening along and then he'll say a sentence a bit grumblier and my brains immediately like "ARCHIVIST! That's THE ARCHIVIST!!" 

Martin would be the last one alive in Friday the 13th! It's official! 

(Is it bad that this gives me hope)

Jon likes Nonfiction, documentaries, and probably collects something just a little bit weird. *writes down for use in potential fics* 

also while im at it I remember jon saying he dislikes coffee at one point,  and so many people have him liking coffee in their fics! This has been your daily reminder of that fact because ever since then it keeps bugging me lol. (But also do whatever u want.)

Alex's spluttering sounds so much like Martin.

Yes!! I want to hear jon sing!! Yes! Musical Episode When!!?

Ah yes yes yes! All the characters are so unique!!? How does he do it!! 

Ya, it being in audio format sometimes makes it hard to understand what's happening in the live-action bits. (Live-action is the wrong word but u know what I mean.)

Oh ok ya, how he mentioned he got a pipe was quite clever I didn't realize that that's why he mentioned it at all. 

Ooh, there's a manga where there's something similar to Michael? I'll have to look that up later...

XD Alex and Jonny arguing about apples. 

Ok, so all the statements we're hearing ARE for reals. I kinda assumed but good to have it confirmed.

They used to hang out together!!? Work function curry nights!! ;-; 

Ya Ya! Who made the leitners!?

"You are assuming a book needs to be written" ...ok then. (but it has to have been created somehow??? Did they just spring fully formed from the powers? why? And why take the form of books?)

Alex's mischievous laugh about whether jon has friends *trembles in fear*

Yes!! Micheal is so good! I'm so happy they love him too! Yesyes! His laugh! 

Ah Yes!! Mary kaey was so creepy! 

XD yes yes yes fatigue was written on zero sleep, I knew it! 

Akskdjdkd I love them so much. Also, I've looked up Michaels voice actor luke booys and he does some other horrory type sketches n stuff and I kiiinda want to do a little animatic with some of those but it's Michael like annoying some poor soul lost in his halls... I think that'd be fun. I wonder if anyone's done that yet? If so someone send me the links I neeeed iiitt :3

Season 2 summary:

Uuuuu ya so this season was really good. I kinda listened to it in bursts of about ten episodes every couple weeks and then have been saving up the reactions to post later so these are usually going up about a week or so after I actually listened to the episode just FYI. 

I also do have a lot of spoilers cause I can't keep myself away from fanfic and people don't always tag for spoilers and I kiiinda wana know what's coming beforehand anyway? Idk it's hard man I get very stressed about what might happen and then also listening to too much at a time is too spooky for my poor little heart so I gotta read the less spooky fanfic to fulfill the hyperfixation you see. (If anyone has fanfic with spoilers only up to season 2 that'd be great btw) 

Anyway, I try not to take spoiler type stuff into account unless I'm just so sure of it I can't really not acknowledge that I know about it. 

Also, can I just talk about Michael for a minute?? Cause he's such a unique character? And I guess maybe there are other characters like him but I haven't ever seen one -tho to be fair tma is only like the third horror thing I've ever really got into (the other two are the SCP Foundation in its various forms and Little Nightmares. Hence why I keep making reference to SCP it's really the only thing I know similar to this.) But he's such a cool concept!!? Like someTHING that still has a personality? He's so not human? Like I get what he says but also I don't really? Idk im pretty sure he's an avatar right? Right?? Idk if that means he was a person at some point? But all this to say that he is probably the most inhuman character I've come across so far and I'm trying to figure out what it is about him that's so "other" to me? Like... I don't really know what Micheal's deal is? he seems to want to be sort of a neutral mischief-maker but also it seems like he keeps getting invested. But also I just love the way he talks about himself. Like he's a monster that has a personality and is fully intelligent but isn't just evil but isn't neutral either and certainly isn't benevolent. Like he's so complex and just,,,, the idea of a "thing" that's got a personality?? I love it? Kind of like dryads or spirits of things? Like the idea that after a long time things gain personality just by existing? Not that that's what Michael is necessarily? but that same sort of concept applies to him I think. Like the way he IS the maze and wants to help but wants to just watch but wants to kill them all. He's just so interestinggggggg. (And another vision of what jon could become?)

 also "es Mentiras" is a beautiful name 💕

So are him and not-Sasha avatars? Not-Sasha also seems completely inhuman and I was under the impression that avatars were (or used to be) human? Or are they like personifications of their power? Do all the powers have personifications of themselves. not-Sasha seems even less human than Michael? Like she seems to just really genuinely enjoy causing fear? Tho I guess we didn't really get to hear a lot of her. She just seemed kinda gleefully angry most of the time we heard from her. Was she... Human once!???

Anyway. Also, can I just talk about leitners line about jon belonging to the eye!!? Just..*chefs kiss* hnnnngg I need more jon grappling with that. I just need more everyone dealing with the fallout post all of the finallies ok? I still need more of jon angsting over his worms scars and stuff and now I also need jon freaking out about belonging to a fear god power thing. 

Also Martin! Is Martin ok? He sure did a lot of yelling which he doesn't usually? Look I love him and he actually thinks before he acts (unlike SOME people *looks at jon*) and he writes poetry and it is pretty good poetry ok!! And he cares about everyone and just wants a happy ending and aaaaa😭

Petition to get some statements from Martin's pov tho? I mean that's not gonna happen cause Jon's the archivist but I want more martin pov!! Maybe we can get some of his poem tapes??? Pls????? 

I feel so bad for Tim. It sounds like he's kinda fallen into despair.

Also Elias!!? Is showing his spooky side!!? He can control cameras and beat a man to death with a pipe!!? This is his "place of powerr"!!? I am afeared!!? At least jon knows he shouldn't trust him now. Oh jeez, I wonder if jon will listen back to the tape and know what happened. Thhhatsss rough. Oh dear, I hope he doesn't feel guilty cause Leitner did keep trying to hurry him and now everyone thinks it was him. Even martin thinks he did it? Wich like I kinda want to hear more of his thoughts on that? How much does he believe that jon did it? Tim certainly seems pretty certain but he's a bit biased and cynical right now so. 

And they were in the maze for DAYS? 

Now I need martin recovering from being stuck with Tim in Michaels maze for days being angry and worried and hungry etc... Dksjdksa knowing jon could be dying RIGHT NOW and there's nothing he can do. Please someone give me the fic links if this exists!! I've already written like 5 drabbles based entirely on spoilers/other fics (which I'll probably post (w/ links to their inspirations) once I'm caught up and can make sure I'm not just completely demolishing cannon lol. 

Leitner didn't even scream or yell or anything when he was murdered. Literally the chillest dude ever. F

Overall super great, Elias is terrifying, let's dive into the next season!!! I've got 2 seasons to finish in like, less than 2 or so weeks(?) if I wana be caught up by season 5 hhhh,,,

Better get started I guess. 

[jacquelinep21]

(I wrote this email to my grandmother, aunt, and uncle last week and felt pretty good with how it turned out so decided to publish it here.) 

Friday, May 1st, 2020

Coucou !

I’ve been wanting to write you for a while now, I even started a draft and wrote about ¾’s of it, had to stop to make dinner, and then never finished it. Maybe I was overthinking how I wanted to get the writing perfect when I should’ve just sent something to say hello, give you an update, and check-in that all was well with you. Mieux vaut tard que jamais.

How to describe everything and nothing that has happened since mid-March? Both on a personal level and on a “what’s the situation in France” level?

Personally, I’ve been cooking, both familiar recipes, and trying new ones such as Chickpea Curry, Mushroom-Stuffed Eggplant, One-Pan Wine Braised Chicken with Artichoke Hearts, Shakshuka, Spanish Tortilla, Roasted Red Pepper Cheese Toast, Peanut Butter Chile Sauce drizzled over broccoli and rice, Butternut Squash & Shallot Hash w/Poached Eggs, and a couple others. Let me admit, some were successes, others...will have to be adjusted and reattempted. Not to mention there are days when not having a dishwasher gets to be exhausting.

I still have multiple school projects that I have been working on, both group and individual. My classes were already supposed to end mid-April even before this all started, so it didn’t change much and most classes didn’t have any online classes, as the projects were more important and already put in place. I have three more to turn in before grades are due mid-May, and now the first part of my thesis is due one month later, at the end of June. Productivity has been difficult, as there are days that I feel like I need to do things for me, rather than sitting on my computer switching between reading the news and trying to do school work, but I’ve gotten a little better at it. My job, checking guests into apartments, and working in the office, is obviously non-existent, and likely will be until at least September, but because of the government's chômage partiel or temporary/partial unemployment of over 10 million people in France, I’m still getting 90% of my salary, which I am very thankful for.

What I have been doing for pleasure these days is listening to podcasts, my favorite being Spilled Milk, which I discovered in September when I was doing the grape harvest, a comedy show about food recorded in Seattle. I was taking a photograph or two a day with my dad’s 1984 Minolta 35mm film camera but ran out of film and can’t find a viable way to get more. I’ve been reading every day, finished two books so far, and have started a third. We’ve been watching movies and TV shows, such as Breaking Bad, the Jason Bourne trilogies, Charade, Star Wars, and others I’ve put off watching until now. Something I never thought I would do was a virtual dance/fitness classes but they have been a great source of dopamine and just physical movement. There are also weekly video chats with either Benjamin or I’s friends, which has been especially nice when we can reunite multiple time zones all in one call. My friend that works at Politico’s audio department asked if I’d be interested in recording an audio-diary twice a week as part of a project they’re working on of different people’s experiences during lockdown so I’ve been contributing to that (though not sure what’s become of the project so far). The most coincidental thing that has happened to me during confinement is changing the channel on the TV maybe the second week into the lockdown, as the Prime Minister’s press conference was ending (otherwise we hardly ever watch the TV), to a different channel only to see someone that looked vaguely familiar, and then see the street we live on. We soon figured out the people across the street we had seen filming once or twice were making a documentary on the lockdown. I contacted them after we finished watching the episode and they asked if I was interested in being interviewed. So that happened, haha. I don’t believe it’s possible to stream the episode outside of Europe so I’ve included the video here, it’s in English.

There are of course the daily musings outside the window to see what the neighbors across the street are doing or what is happening on the street below. Avenue de Saint-Ouen has calmed since this all began but it still is busier than I would’ve expected, both with cars and people, not resembling photos you may have seen of an eerily empty Paris. Sundays are the exception, when I can almost clearly hear what someone is saying on their balcony across the way, where the joggers' loud steps hitting the pavement echoes as they try to reach home before their 10am curfew, and the church bells ring telling us the time. The typical characters I can see on their balconies every day include the bald man that drinks his cup of coffee while smoking his morning cigarette, the retired man on the top floor that tends to his potted herbs that dangle over the balcony railing, or his neighbors that have two young boys that run back and forth. The weather has been clearer than any Parisian spring I’ve seen and the temperatures even got to the high 70’s last week but have now dropped and the clouds are back. We are allowed to walk for up to one hour within a 1km radius of our address, as long as we have a form, now available to download on our phones, filled out, otherwise there can be fines, though I have only seen police officers stop people twice.

So what is the situation in France right now? As of Thursday night, 24,376 people have died from Covid-19 in France, 26,283 people are currently hospitalized (551 less than the day before) and 4,019 are in the ICU (188 less than the day before). On May 11th, the lockdown will be lifted to a certain extent, but many restrictions will still be in place. Starting May 7th each département, kind of like a county, will either be classified red or green, depending on multiple factors, and this can change the severity of the rules after May 11th. Preschools, elementary schools, and daycares can reopen, on a voluntary basis by each family, so those in need that cannot do online learning and depend on the meals can return to school under certain hygiene measures. Public transportation will increase slightly but not back to the normal frequency, masks will be obligatory, every other seat must be left empty, employeurs are encouraged the adjust hours of employees that have to return to work to avoid rush hour, and that those not commuting to and from work should avoid public transportation during these hours. We will be able to leave the house without filling out a form, as long as it’s less than 100km from our address. Farther than this (62 miles) we will need to have a legitimate reason, such as professional or imperative family needs. No meetings, private or public, of more than ten people. Individual sports any time of day (currently in Paris jogging isn’t permitted between 10am and 7pm) but no team sports. Libraries and small museums may reopen while abiding by hygiene procedures. Parks may reopen but if considered dangerous, such as in Paris, they may remain closed. Most businesses can reopen, except restaurants, bars, cafés, large museums, movie theaters, concert venues, or theaters, while controlling the number of people in the business and customers may be turned away if they aren’t wearing a mask. Farmers markets may reopen as well. Malls may or may not reopen, depending on their size. Working from home is still strongly encouraged. The government hopes to test 700,000 people a week, though who can get tested isn’t clear. If you test positive you must self isolate for 14 days either at your residence or an allocated hotel, and teams of people will attempt to get in contact with those who may have been infected by said persons to get tested. An app is also in development to track this but is also highly controversial and will have to be voted on by parliament. Masks will be distributed by employeurs, by schools, to nonprofits for those in need, social action centers, and La Poste has set up a website where they can be bought, the government paying for part of the costs. The second phase in which things could change is June 2nd.

Voilà, I think that’s everything. I would love to hear from you when you can write back. Miss you and thinking of you.

Love,

Melissa

P.S. Some recent Articles/Blogs/Newsletters/Podcasts that are Paris related:

David Lebovitz's May 2020 Newsletter

When Cookies Fly and Other Tales of Staying Entertained During Quarantine

Lettre Recommandé: Notes from France by Lauren Collins

Podcast: Documenting confinement in Paris, checking in with the French psyche, May Day history (interview with the couple making the documentary that I was featured in briefly among other interesting things.)

The New Paris Podcast: Paris in Confinement

The Earful Tower Podcast: What does Paris look like in lockdown? (he has recorded several episodes about what has been going on, this is just a more recent one, light-hearted)

The Street That Still Offers Paris Hope

Denuded of Tourists, Paris Reveals Its Old Beating Heart

France 24's English Coverage of the France Lockdown (a great news outlet in English with a more French perspective of whats going on in France with articles and videos)

[ruthoakenshield]

The Call (Part 5)

The Call (part 1)

The Call (Part 2)

The Call (Part 3)

The Call (Part 4)

Richard watched out the window as New York faded into the darkness. He looked down at your sleeping form nestled against him. He grinned and played with your hair. He was tired, but not enough to sleep. He knew this flight was going to be a short one, so he pulled out his phone and flagged down a stewardess. “Could you grab my bag out from under the seat? I don’t want to wake this one up.” he said quietly indicating to you asleep against him.

She smiled and nodded. She pulled out his bag and handed it to him. He dug his headphones out of the front pocket and then asked if she would put it back under the seat for him. She nodded and did so. “Anything else for you, Sir?” she asked. He ordered a drink and paid her for it and she came back a few minutes later with it in her hand. She lowered the tray for him and set it in the drink holder. He smiled and nodded his thanks as he listened to an audio book.

Richard sipped on his drink while he watched you sleep and listened to the audio book. It was poetry he was listening to and he grinned at how appropriate one of the poems was for how he felt about you. He made a mental note to write it down later.

Soon enough the pilot announced that you’d be landing in Minneapolis soon. He mentioned the time and Richard woke you up and pulled his watch off his wrist to re-set the time on it so it was for this timezone. Then he put it back on his wrist and chuckled as you sat there all bleary eyed and yawned. You looked at him sleepily and he thought you just looked adorable. Messy hair and all. He reached out and smoothed one of your braids that had been resting against his shoulder.

You rubbed your eyes and asked, “What time is it?” Richard grinned. “It’s around 9:30pm, Love. Come on, lets get ready to de-board and then we can go find our hotel rooms and you can go back to sleep.” he tells you.

You yawn again and he chuckles. Once the plane stopped in the terminal and you were given the go ahead to depart, the two of you quickly grabbed your bags and left the plane. You carried both yours and Richard’s backpacks, and he pulled both yours and his carry on suitcases behind him.

“What hotel are we at?” you ask him as he moves off to one side of the terminal. He texts his assistant and she sends him the hotel info with a smiley face afterward. “Element Bloomington Mall of America- room 701 - studio: 1 room, 2 queen beds. figured you both were adult enough to handle it. Have fun! ;) “

He chuckles and shows you what she sent. You rubbed your face and groaned. “Well, at least there’s beds to sleep in.” you say with a yawn. “Lead on, oh chivalrous knight...” you tease him. He laughs and raises an eyebrow at you. You just grin and follow him as he heads over to a desk to ask about getting a shuttle to the hotel.

Soon enough the shuttle arrives and takes you two and your luggage to the hotel. You are given the keys and head up to the room. You get in the room and look around. “Which one do you want?” Rich asks you. You look and grab the one furthest from the window and plop your backpack on it. You plop his on the other bed. He grins and hands you your suitcase. You lift it up onto the bed and unzip it. You dig around and find a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and dig out your toothbrush and toothpaste from your toiletries bag. You take your stuff and head for the bathroom to change and get ready for bed.

Richard plops down on the sofa and takes out his phone. He texts the director letting him know you two made it to Minneapolis and are heading out in the morning to fly to Duluth then drive to meet her lawyer in some small town near the cabin.

The director calls and they talk for a little bit. He fills Richard in on how things are going for filming and the plans for getting him caught up with the scenes. He asks how you’re doing and tells Richard how many of the cast and crew are planning to attend the funeral once the date is set. Richard makes a note of it in his phone and then thanks the director for calling. You come out of the bathroom right as he was hanging up. Rich looks up at you and grins.

He comes up to you and grins. “Everyone on set says to tell you “HI” and i’m supposed to give you a hug from them.” he tells you. You grin and he gives you a big hug. Then you look up at him and he chuckles. “What?” You ask. “You got a little something on your lip...” he says as he wipes off some toothpaste you missed. “...there. That’s better.” he says grinning at your beet red face. He chuckles and says he’s going to go get ready for bed too. Then goes to rinse off the toothpaste from his finger and comes back out to get his toothbrush and toothpaste as well as his pyjamas. He heads into the bathroom and you plop down on the bed and immediately fall asleep.

Richard comes back out and finds you passed out on top of the bed and sheets. He laughs and goes to turn back the sheets on his bed. He picks you up and you snuggle into his neck. He lays you down in his bed so he can pull back the covers on yours.

Once he gets your bed turned down, he turns to pick you up and you’re curled up snuggling his pillow. He chuckles and picks you up and puts you in your bed, pillow and all. He covers you up and kisses your forehead good night and snags a pillow from your bed since you snuggled one of his.

He heads to bed and sets the alarm on his phone for 6am. Your flight to Duluth was for 10:40am and he wanted to be sure you two had time for a decent breakfast.

He fell asleep listening to your breathing and had a smile on his face.

*********

The next morning you two took turns showering and getting ready in the bathroom. He still is amazed at how well you clean up and how pretty you look when you make an effort to dress up. You were in a dark skirt with a black camisole and hunter green light weight sweater. You wore silver jewelry and a pretty necklace with an emerald hanging down off a dainty chain.

He suddenly realized you usually just wore jeans and a t-shirt or sweatshirt with messy hair bun or ponytail and no makeup or jewelry when you were on set. Then he remembered what you had said about not trying to attract men after being hurt and raped. He wondered if you were dressing up for him or if it was for another reason. He pondered the thought throughout the morning.

The two of you packed your stuff back into your suitcases and headed down to breakfast. Then the shuttle van took you both back to the airport and the two of you were off to Duluth.

You arrived in Duluth at around 11:30am. You two quickly found the rental company where Richard’s assistant had reserved an AWD SUV for you to use while there. Richard paid for the rental and they directed you to where to go to pick it up. You two loaded your luggage and he tosses you the keys since you know where to go.

You get in and head out. Richard asks you what the plans are for the day and you tell him that you are to meet with the lawyer, Allen, for a late lunch. You tell Richard it will take about an hour and 40 minutes to get to Deer River.

He looks out at the spring landscape as you drive. The trees were just starting to bud and there were a few spring flowers in bloom. You drove through several small towns and he was surprised at the landscape and the numerous lakes and ponds you drove past. You tell him that Minnesota is known as the land of 10,000 lakes and that most of them were formed from receding glaciers melting and dropping off huge chunks of ice that melted and formed the lakes he is seeing.

He asks you how you’re holding up. You glance at him and then back to the highway. You sigh and say, “I’m not sure. I guess it will hit me when we have to go id the bodies...” you frown, “to be honest, I’m not looking forward to these next few days. But I’m glad you came with me.” you tell him.

He holds your right hand as you steer with your left. You spot some deer along the side of the road and slow down. “Look!” you tell him and point to the deer. They look up and start heading for the road.  You really slow down and they keep coming and make a mad dash across.”

Richard watches in amazement. “Good thing you spotted them and slowed down!” he said. You nodded. “Oh, I’ve had my fair share of run-ins with them. They only have three thought processes... ‘Forage, forage, forage...chew, chew, chew.... or buddy? (when they’re running),” you tell him. He laughs.

“It sounds funny now, but not when you hit one standing in the middle of the road or trying to run across it when you’re going 55 miles per hour. It can total a car in a second, and if the hooves hit the windshield, it can kill whoever is in the front seats!” Richard looks at you and stops laughing. “Oh, Wow!’ he says.

Richard helps you keep an eye out for deer after that. You even see a Moose and her calf and slow down to let them cross the highway. You both laugh at the calf as it appears to never have crossed a road before and doesn’t seem to like the feel of it on its hooves as it walks funny as it crosses.

Soon enough you pull into Deer River and head for the ‘Outpost Bar and Grill’. You enter and Richard is looking around at the interior decorated like a hunting lodge with wooden log furniture and taxidermied animals. You find Allen, your family’s lawyer and he greets you and gives you a big hug. You introduce him to Richard and he grins.

“You played John Thornton in North and South, did you not?” he asks. Richard grins and nods, “Yes sir, I did.” Allen chuckles. “My wife loves that show. Made me buy it for her on DVD for Christmas last year.” he says with a grin. “Don’t worry, though, I won’t tell her you’re around.” he teases. Richard just chuckles and looks around admiring the interior of the bar.

“Can I get you anything?” The waitress asks as you three sit down at one of the larger tables. “Just some water for me, Masey.” Allen says. You look at the menu and order a Coke and cheese burger with fries. Richard orders a pot of Coffee and a BLT. “Masey, I’ll take coffee too.” Allen says.

You three spend the next hour and a half going through the estate and funeral arrangements. You agree to go id the bodies tomorrow and meet with the funeral home your parents chose to use when that time came. He gave you the paperwork and letters stating you were the executive and heir of the estate and all finances were now yours.

He provided you with a list of all the banking and financial accounts, insurance policies, mortgage policies, and other such info and told you to contact them as soon as you get copies of the death certificates. He reminded you to get at least a dozen copies as most places require certified copies and not photocopies or faxes of them.  He reminded you to contact the credit bureaus to notify them of your parents’ deaths to prevent identity theft and to request copies of their credit report.

Next he hands you a list of service providers to contact and see if your parents had any accounts with them.  And he handed you a paper reminding you to contact government agencies like the Social Security Administration and the Department of Veteran’s Affairs since your father was a Vietnam Veteran.

Your head is spinning with stuff to do by the time you get done. Allen hands you and Richard each one of his business cards and tells you both to contact him if you have any questions or need any help. You nod and Allen flags down Masey and tells her that he’d like his tab please.

She brings it over and he pays her for his coffee and water. He gives you a hug and tells you he is sorry for your loss. You thank him and then sit back down. He shakes Richard’s hand and thanks him for coming with you to help you handle all this. Richard nods and thanks him for the info.

Richard sits back down and rubs your back after Allen leaves. “You ok, Sweetheart?” he asks quietly. “No, Rich, I’m totally feeling overwhelmed.” you say quietly. He hums, “How bout we head to the cabin and you can relax for a while. We can’t do much until the bodies are identified and we have death certificates from the coroner’s office. So how bout we just go relax for a while.” He says as he tips your head to look at him.

“Is there someplace we can get stuff for supper and some wine and whiskey? he asks. You giggle and nod. You stand and pick up all the papers and Allen’s business card. Masie gives Richard the bill and he thanks her.

She looks at him for a minute then grins, she asks quietly, “Did you play Thorin?” he grins and nods but puts his finger to his lips. “Can you keep me being here a secret? I’m here to help my girlfriend deal with estate matters since her parents were killed in a car accident recently. We’d rather not have attention drawn to us being here.” he asks her. She nods and looks at you and takes your hand. Were your parents Mr. & Mrs. (your last name)?” she asks. You nod.

“They were regulars here! We will miss them very much. The food drinks are on us today, and whenever you two want some food, it will be on us as well. We’re so sorry for your loss!” she tells you. “Would you mind meeting my parents? They own this place and would like to meet you. They were good friends with your parents.” she tells you. You look up at Richard and he puts his hand on your low back, smiles and nods.

“Come with me then.” Masie tells you both. You follow her with Richard right behind you. She leads you into the back office and calls for her parents. They come out of the office and kitchen and she introduces you and Richard to them. They give you a hug and tell you they are SO sorry about the accident and your loss.

They thank Richard for coming with you and ask if he would mind having a picture taken with you so they can keep it for the restarurant’s scrap book. They explain they like having photos taken with the regulars and families and that your parents talked about you all the time. Masie’s mom showed you the pictures of your parents that they had and she said she would like to put one of you and Richard with these so they had the whole family.

You agreed and looked up at Richard. “Do you mind?” you ask. “If you don’t want to do the pic, it’s ok, I’ll understand.” you tell him. He chuckles. “I don’t mind, Sweetheart.” he turns to Masie’s parents. “All that I ask is that you don’t post it to social media and don’t tell anyone I am here with y/n. I am here to support and help her with this hard time and would rather not have the focus on me.” he tells them. They agree and the two of you pose for the picture. Richard stands behind you with his arms around your waist obviously in love with you.

As you talk with Masie and her dad, Richard pulls Masie’s mom aside and asks her if he could get copies of the pictures of your parents and the one she took of the two of you just now. She happily agrees and goes to print them off for him. He rejoins you and the three of you talk for a few minutes. Masie’s mom comes back and hands Richard a small manilla envelope with the pictures in it. He thanks her and tucks it into his jacket. Then the two of you take your leave after Richard gives Masie a nice tip for her service. The two of you thank them for everything and then head out.

As the two of you walk to the SUV, you ask Rich what was in the manilla envelope that Masie’s mom handed him. He just grins and says, you’ll see in a few days. You look at him and give him the stink eye. He just laughs and kisses your head. 

“What do you want for supper?” Richard asks you. You think for a minute then say, “How about something simple like spaghetti. I’m sure mom has plenty of food in the fridge and freezer. Let’s just stop and get the whiskey and wine and head to the cabin.’ you suggest. He grins and nods.

You drive over to a liquor store and the two of you head inside. Rich pulls his collar up and hopes his hat and jacket hide him enough to not be recognized. He didn’t think about being recognized in this small town community. The two of you find the Jameson Irish Whiskey and you’re pondering what size bottle to get.

You laugh when Richard comes walking over with the wine in his hand and reaches around you and grabs the biggest bottle of the whiskey. You look at him surprised and then laugh. “You really think I’m gonna drink ALL of that before we leave?” he just grins. “Never know when we may have company who might want some.” he smirks.

You shake your head laughing and the two of you head to the Cashier. Richard insists on paying for the drinks and the two of you head to the SUV. You both hop in and buckle up. You pull out of the parking lot and head for the cabin. 45 minutes later you arrive and park in the circle driveway.

Richard looks out the window and gives a low whistle. “This is your parent’s ‘cabin’?” he asks. You giggle and nod. Yup. He designed it and had it built here. It’s literally a log cabin...with amenities.” you giggle.

He chuckles and the two of you get out. You walk over to the door and reach up on tip toes looking for the hidden key. Richard looks at you for a minute then asks,” Would you like some help with that?” he asks. You turn and look at him and nod. “Yes, please.”

He grins and walks over to you and, to your surprise, picks you up by the waist and hoists you up onto his shoulders. You squeal and he laughs. He walks up to the door and you can easily see where your dad tucked the spare key. You grab it and tell Richard, “Ok. got it, you can set me down now.” he grins and tells you to hand him the key. You do and he unlocks the door, then hands you the key again. You tuck it back in its hiding spot and he opens the door. Then tells you to duck, which you do, and he walks through the doorway and looks around. You squirm to be put down and he obliges.

You flip on the lights and look around. You turn to look back at him and you crumple to the floor in tears. He rushes over and holds you. You both sit there for a few minutes as you cry...hard...He just holds you and rubs your back and pets your head while murmuring that it’s ok.

Finally you stop crying. “It’s so hard to be in here and not see them. Not hearing Mom holler out, “Y/n...is that you?” when we came in...” you say. “I know, sweetheart. I still expect to hear my mom say something along the same lines when I go to their home to visit.” Richard tells you.

He helps you up. “Come on. Let’s get unpacked, make some dinner and then go sit in the hot tub with a glass of wine and a glass of Jameson.” he suggests.

You nod and the two of you head out to the SUV. You get it unloaded and lock the doors, then haul everything into the entry way and you close and lock the cabin door.

You show Richard around the cabin and then up to the bedrooms. You show him the guest bedroom and then where yours is. You let him come in and admire your room while you unpack. He looks at all your certificates and awards from school and your artwork and your bookcase. He grins when he sees you have a queen size bed. “So do you have satin sheets on this one too?” he teases.

You look at him surprised. “How do you know about my satin sheets?” you ask. He grins...”The first night at your apartment when you fell asleep on me while we watched ‘Guys and Dolls’ I carried you to your room and put you in your bed, remember? You had silver satin sheets on it.” he smirked.

You face palmed and groaned. “Ugh! I totally forgot about that! Too much alcohol that night!” you say and he laughs. Richard smirks and goes to peek to see what’s under the comforter. You watch in amusement when he just finds regular cotton sheets. He looks up at you and pouts, “And here I thought you’d have satin ones here too.” he teases.

You groan. He stands and wraps you in a bear hug. “I’m just teasing you, Love.” he says as he gives your forehead a kiss. “Come on and lets go see what we can make for supper.”

You grin and follow him down stairs. Him holding your hand as you walk through the cabin. You lead him to the kitchen and the two of you dig through the fridge and freezer. You come across some defrosted steaks. You unwrap them and they look and smell ok. “Do we risk it? I have no idea when they put these in the fridge to defrost.” Richard thinks for a minute, “Well, they’ve only been gone for what, three days? So if they took them out the morning of the accident or even the day before, they should still be safe to eat. Let me see them.” Richard says.

You hand them to him and he looks at them and smells them. “I think they’re fine.” he says with a shrug. Is there a grill around here somewhere that we can cook these on? You nod and show him over to the door on the kitchen wall that opens onto a deck overlooking the lake. The sun is setting and is painting the sky and lake with beautiful pinks, purples, oranges and blues. You both stand there stunned by the beautiful colors. Once the colors fade you show Richard how to work the grill. He grins and the two of you head back inside while the grill heats up.

Richard digs around in the cabinets until he finds the spices he wants and he seasons the steaks. “How do you like your steak cooked?” he asks you. You tell him Medium well. He groans. “So charcoal.” he teases. You swat him and say, “Just cook it so there’s no pink in the middle. I prefer my cows cooked, and not mooing.” You tease back. He laughs again and heads out with the steaks on a plate. He comes back in a few minutes later with the plate and washes it in the sink then sets it in the drying rack.

You’re busy making a garden salad and found a package of crescent rolls that you’re rolling out and placing on a cookie sheet. He comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist and watches you as you work.

You smile and ask him to turn the oven on to 325 degrees F. He turns and flips on the oven and sets the temp then turns back and holds your waist again. He peppers your neck with soft kisses and tells you that you looked beautiful today. You blush bright red and giggle.

“How come you didn’t dress like this when you were on set?” he asks you as you mixed the veggies into the salad.

You pause and think. “I guess cuz i felt worthless and thought that no one would want me after what I have been through. I just wanted to hide and do my job and be invisible to most people. But Shannon and Stacie somehow slipped through my chinks in the wall I hid behind for so long, and weaseled their way into my life.They wouldn’t let me be ‘Miss invisible’ anymore. I guess they started to bring me out of my shell and got me back into the real world.” you tell Richard.

“I never expected to make the friends i have on this job. I miss them, but am glad i have you here to keep me going and to be with me.” you tell him as he gives your waist a squeeze and peppers your neck with more kisses.

“I’m glad I’m here too, Y/n. You’re such a treasure to have in my life. I’m so much happier when you’re around me. Even when your just leaning against me sleeping or across the room from me re-doing the set after each take. Everyone on set says you brightened their days with your kindness and your smile and your happy-go-lucky attitude.” he tells you.

Just then the timer on Richard’s phone goes off and he grins. “Time to go flip the cows on the grill. Where’s the tongs?” he asks as you bust out laughing.

You dig around in the drawers and find the tongs for the grill. You hand them to him and the meat thermometer. He thanks you and he heads out to the grill.

You think about what Richard just told you. How did you fail so miserably at being invisible with this job? How is it that all those people you work with each day on set were able to see through the walls you had spent so long hiding behind? You looked over to the windows and watched Richard through the window. He was smiling and his eyes twinkled. He made you feel loved and safe and wanted. You sighed and went back to working on the salad lost in thought, you didn’t hear Richard come back in.

“Sweetheart, do you want anything with the steaks besides the salad and crescent rolls?” he asks you. When you don’t answer, he looks at you and sees you’re lost in thought. He comes up to you and takes the knife out of your hand and you startle.

“I didn’t want you to cut yourself.” he tells you as he holds your hands. “Oh!” you say as you look up at him. “I’m sorry, I guess I was lost in my thoughts.” you apologize. “Did you say something to me?” you ask.

Richard chuckles and says, “I thought so. I asked if you wanted anything with the cows besides rabbit food and crescent rolls.” he says with a tilted head and smirk.

You chuckle and go to dig around in the fridge again. Richard comes up behind you and holds your waist and nibbles on your neck and shoulder. You giggle, “Richard, how am I going to get supper on the table if you keep nibbling on my neck and distracting me?” you ask.

He just chuckles and says, “Well, I guess I will just have to nibble on you for the appetizer and that will have to last me till supper is ready.” he teases and gives you a little nip on your neck then soothes it with a kiss. You laugh and look up at him. He grins at you with the same grin he used when filming Guy of Gisborne. You grin and chuckle, then go back to digging in the fridge to see what your mother had in there.

“What was that look for?” he whispers once you start digging in the fridge again. You chuckle. “That grin you were giving me reminded me of the one you used for Guy of Gisborne when he would deal with Marian.” you inform him as you find an expired container of potato salad and toss it onto the counter above the garbage.

He laughs and squeezes your waist. “Are you going to be my Marian?” he asks. “No, I’ll be your y/n.” you tell him. Besides, Guy killed Marian at the end of the show, and she ended up as a ghost with Robin anyway. I’d rather be alive and yours and not have to have to deal with a love triangle.” you inform him looking over your shoulder from the fridge with a wicked grin. He growls and wraps you in a huge hug and whispers into your ear...”MINE!” and then kisses you silly. Making you laugh so hard you have tears running down your face.

@fizzyxcustard     @rachel1959     @queenofmankind     @thorinthehottotty     @dumbassunderthemountain     @deepestfirefun

[graciebirdie]

@twothumbsandnostakeincanon tagged me for a meme and since my ire over the last one is gone i decided to play along

Are you staying home from work/school?

Staying home yes, but still going to school. My college closed down all their buildings so we moved online. The first week of spring term just finished, so far so good I think.

If you’re staying home who’s there with you?

My mother and brother.

Are you a homebody?

Hell yes, but I’d like at least the option of going out.

What movies have you watched recently?

Uhhhhh does binge watching all of Kill Count count as watching movies? (jk i know it doesn’t (that’s a kill count joke))

What TV shows are you watching?

I tried to watch Rizzoli and Isles but the queer baiting was too annoying (I can’t believe in 2010 I so despite for gayness I could look past it but my tolerance for bullshit has really gone down...) then I tried to watch Law and Order SVU before I remembered how depressing it is.

An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

Actually doing something for spring break for the first time ever. My cousin and I were going to go to San Fransisco and I was going to get my first tattoo but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what can you do.

What music are you listening to?

The Amazing Devil (who are indeed amazing)

What are you reading?

Do audio books count? I’ll say they do. I just found out about Scribd so I’m pretending it’s 2016 and relistening to every Dean Koontz book I can get my hands on. (in 2016 it was 60, I’m not planing on doing that again)

What are you doing for self care?

uhhhhhhhh mhhhh.....I’m assuming the 11 sketches I have to do for my classes don’t count even if they are art sooooo...I speed played through Littlewood (very very good game, very relaxing) and now I’m trying my hand at Don’t Starve.

[revlyncox]

Origin Stories

Looking for truth in foundational narratives on the eve of Indigenous Peoples Day. This sermon was delivered to the UU Church of Silver Spring on October 13, 2019. 

Has anyone seen the movie, Captain Marvel? You know I did. The nostalgia for the music of the mid-1990’s alone was enough to get me in the door. I don’t want to spoil it for those who are waiting for a quiet evening to watch it at home, so I’ll try to speak in general terms. 

The movie opens with an interstellar super soldier named Vers, who is having trouble with memory, but nevertheless goes out on a mission with her team, part of the Kree empire. Throughout the movie, she learns more about where she comes from, and more about the origins of the conflict with the people she thought were her enemies. Once she has come around to a different understanding of who her people are, the personal qualities she has been criticized for are reframed, and she can draw from them as strengths. This revised worldview moves her to an entirely different sense of her mission in life, as well as a different sense of connecting and belonging. 

The paradigm shift that the main character goes through in Captain Marvel reminds me of the paradigm shift that some within U.S. culture could work toward when it comes to observing Indigenous Peoples Day tomorrow. The holiday some still know as Columbus Day told one story of the origins of the United States of America, yet that version of the story is infused with myths and half-truths, and depends on the erasure of the historical and contemporary perspectives of Native Americans, among other groups of people. 

The story of this country or this continent is not a single story, and yet I hope we can use the opportunity of this day to add more truth to our understanding of those stories, our understanding of who we are as the residents of this place. To the extent that we can understand ourselves as a people, or as a coalition of peoples, accurate origin stories help us to live into becoming the people we aspire to be. Knowing truly where we have come from as a country will help us to connect with those who share a home or an identity. We can hope that origin stories rooted in honesty will help us heal some of the harms of the past, or at least help us avoid continuing to make the same mistakes. 

In her book, An Indigenous Peoples’ History of the United States, Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz suggests that it is the very foundation of how we learn, teach, and think of our history that must be transformed. She writes:

The history of the United States is a history of settler colonialism—the founding of a state based on the ideology of white supremacy, the widespread practice of African slavery, and a policy of genocide and land theft. Those who seek history with an upbeat ending, a history of redemption and reconciliation, may look around and observe that such a conclusion is not visible, not even in utopian dreams of a better society.

Writing US history from an Indigenous peoples’ perspective requires rethinking the consensual national narrative. That narrative is wrong or deficient, not in its facts, dates, or details but rather in its essence. Inherent in the myth we’ve been taught is an embrace of settler colonialism and genocide. The myth persists, not for a lack of free speech or poverty of information but rather for an absence of motivation to ask questions that challenge the core of the scripted narrative of the origin story.

Dunbar-Ortiz goes on to say:

Origin narratives form the vital core of a people’s unifying identity and of the values that guide them. In the United States, the founding and development of the Anglo-American settler-state involves a narrative about Puritan settlers who had a covenant with God to take the land. 

Incidentally, An Indigenous Peoples’ History of the United States is this year’s UUA Common Read. A discussion guide is due out later this month for congregations that would like to study it in book groups and other programs. It’s available as an audio book. 

The story of European colonization of the place we now call the United States has been framed in one certain way. The way we tell that story has been reinforced with legislation, with racist criteria in academia and in publishing, and with commercialization of holiday traditions. The values we are supposed to gain from the history of 1492 onward is that hard work and commitment to freedom will be rewarded with an endless upward march of progress. 

When we look more broadly, that progress doesn’t materialize across the board. The commitment to liberty never applied to everyone, despite what the textbooks have been trying to teach; expansion, prosperity, and freedom to roam for people of European descent came at the expense of the lives and liberty of Indigenous people and enslaved people and their descendants, among others. For those of us who are white, even if we and our direct family ancestors never personally abused or exploited anyone, doors were opened to us and closed to others because of this history of settler-colonialism. To repeat from last week, some are guilty, all of us are responsible for making a change. I am curious to find out how we could come into a new spirit and practice of values if we stop propping up a false narrative about our national origins. 

To bring it a little closer to home, let me go back to the second half of that last quote from Dunbar-Ortiz:

In the United States, the founding and development of the Anglo-American settler-state involves a narrative about Puritan settlers who had a covenant with God to take the land. 

With the Puritans involved, now we’re getting closer to the origin stories of our faith movement. In the early 20th century, the history of Unitarianism began to be described as a grand sweep of development propelled by devotion to the values of freedom, reason, and tolerance. Following consolidation in 1961 for the United States incarnations of Universalism and Unitarianism, this rubric of freedom, reason, and tolerance was infused into nostalgia looking back on both sides of our history. 

This idea that the Pilgrims were an advance team into this continent, divinely ordained to bring religious freedom to these shores, fits right into the Unitarian narrative of freedom, reason, and tolerance. Unitarians in America in the 1800s were direct descendants of Puritans, in church organization and often in family lineage. In telling the story of the Puritans, the themes of violence, stealing, and broken treaties that characterized their presence on this side of the ocean are de-emphasized. Through this silence, the theft of land and liberty is tacitly approved. Crimes against Indigenous people are not supposed to matter if they are part of the project of allowing people of European descent to worship in a way that allows “complete mental freedom in religion.” (This quote is from Earl Morse Wilbur, the early 20th century scholar who is credited with coining freedom, reason, and tolerance as a framework for Unitarian history.)

When we put together the pieces, uncover the horrors that have been papered over, and review the whole history of Unitarianism and Universalism in America, we come to understand that the destructive path of settler-colonialism is tangled into the roots of our faith. Knowing that, we can go back and re-evaluate what our central values really mean to us, and try to imagine how to actually live them in a way that Unitarians and Universalists of the past may have missed. 

For many of us, particularly those of us who are white, reconciling the whole story of the United States versus the version of history we were taught is a spiritual and emotional challenge, but one that I believe we are up to. It is a reckoning that I believe we must engage with if we are to be authentic in our faith. When we come to terms with the understanding that this country has not upheld the values we said it did, we may wonder how to move forward. What do we do when the country whose values we hold dear has not yet existed? How do we become the people we want to become when we realize the foundations we build on are not what they were proclaimed to be? Communities that have always been in the margins have wisdom here, if we are willing to listen and to center their experience. 

In her article for The 1619 Project for the New York Times, Nikole Hannah-Jones reflects on the American flag that her father flew in front of their home, and how she felt about that flag growing up as an African-American in a country brimming with racism. She writes: 

Our corner lot, which had been redlined by the federal government, was along the river that divided the black side from the white side of our Iowa town. At the edge of our lawn, high on an aluminum pole, soared the flag, which my dad would replace as soon as it showed the slightest tatter … 

My father knew exactly what he was doing when he raised that flag. He knew that our people’s contributions to building the richest and most powerful nation in the world were indelible, that the United States simply would not exist without us ….

Toward the end of the article, she reflects:

No one cherishes freedom more than those who have not had it. And to this day, black Americans, more than any other group, embrace the democratic ideals of a common good …. 

The truth is that as much democracy as this nation has today, it has been borne on the backs of black resistance. Our founding fathers may not have actually believed in the ideals they espoused, but black people did … For generations, we have believed in this country with a faith it did not deserve. Black people have seen the worst of America, yet, somehow, we still believe in its best. 

What I hear in Nikole Hannah-Jones’ article is affirmation that we do not need to be deluded in order to work toward the future of democracy. We can work toward the idea of the common good, a society that includes and cares for all, a democracy where the most vulnerable have a seat at the table of power. A nation of truth and justice and opportunity is not yet who we are; we can get closer than we are now. 

On the other hand, Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz writes: Those who seek history with an upbeat ending, a history of redemption and reconciliation, may look around and observe that such a conclusion is not visible, not even in utopian dreams of a better society.

We might not get to a perfect story arc with a satisfying resolution. If what we’re seeking is redemption for the atrocities of the founders of the United States, that may not happen. If we stop focusing on the reputation or the feelings of people who have historically had power, and focus instead on being authentic and justice-oriented, we may begin to open up space for something better than what has come before. 

Life and history are never as neat and tidy as they are in the movies. We don’t always see the hero prevail. Sometimes we don’t even have a hero. Yet sometimes there are deeper truths, even if the story did not happen exactly that way. In Captain Marvel, it caused a crisis of faith and identity for the main character to learn hidden origin stories, yet bringing together the multiple truths led to finding new strengths. Studying actual history that is outside the approved narrative can change lives and societies. It won’t be comfortable for some, it won’t be easy for anyone. Moving into a future of justice and authenticity will require courage and commitment. May we awaken to the possibilities of truth. 

So be it. Blessed be. Amen. 

[findingthewaytohoseoksheart]

Doorframes

Based on this concept from @etherealmins

You just wanted to watch him play. His shyness got in the way but it was ok, you found your home in doorways. Silently watching in awe. Out of sight, out of mind.

Fluff/Established relationship

I know you're there. It's extremely creepy. Come in.

You knew he was shy. In every aspect. From his voice to his body. His looks to his talents. It didn't take much to fluster him. To turn the tips of curved ears a bright red. He hid it well. Behind over the top actions and cocky smiles. He hid those flustered moments behind a mask of false confidence.

You longed to hear him sing in solitude. Outside of the confines of a stage, his members, the tiled walls of the shower. You poked and prodded, begged with pleading eyes as he shook his head and covered a shy smile behind the fat of his palm. So you sat outside the bathroom door, listening in as he sung broken verses into rising steam, high notes and playful melodies making you and smile and blush in secret. Running the second you heard the water stop and hiding away as he opened the door and left his  carefree voice behind.

You wanted to cook with him. Arms around his waist, chin hooked over his shoulder. Watched skilled hands toss vegetables and meat, stir simple stews and create aromatic meals. You wanted to praise him. See the process, watch him pick out seemingly non complementary ingredients and turn them into something new, something amazing. But when you asked, when you pouted and clung to his arms he would shake his head, claim he wasn't a good cook. Just average, nothing to see. So you stood in the doorway, peeking behind the frame on his days off. Watching him fry eggs and bacon. Watching him pick apart cook books and scroll through blogs. Adapting recipes to his taste. Plating them on mismatched dinnerware and snapping photos with a self satisfied smile. Photos that would stay in his phone. Never shared. Never shown.

You wanted the dance with him. Hands interlaced as he swung you around on sodden floors. Music blaring from phone speakers as he let go, dancing joyfully for the fast parts and pulling you in, holding you close for the slow parts. His chin on your shoulder and his arms around you. But you settled in the doorway of the living room. Peeking through as he practiced the same move over and over again. Staring at his reflection on the black tv screen. Silently scolding his mistakes and fixing small details. Longing to join but staying stuck fast to the pristine door frame. Out of sight and out of mind.

Doorways where you home away from home. You spent more time at the edge of an entrance than you did inside any of the rooms at dorm. Crouched down on aching legs with curious eyes.

It became habit for the members to look at their feet as they made their way out of their rooms. Keeping close attention to not step or trip on you as you spied on their brother through ajar doors. Trying to get a glimpse of the hidden talents your privately craved.

It was no surprise for Yoongi to see you kneeling down at his hyungs door. Face lit by a thin stream of light as you focused the on soft melody drifting through the air. He snapped a picture. Turning around with a change of plans from his initial nap to chilling on the couch with a good book and last night's leftovers. He opened up the group chat. Loaded the picture and hit send.

She's like a lost puppy. Let her in already.

It had started when you heard the shower run. Abandoning your half filled cup of tea as you rushed down the hall to press your ear to the door, listening for the beautiful voice that was to come. Closing your eyes and basking in it. Hiding giggles behind your hand as he messed up lines and badly impersonated famous singers. But then the water shut off you did your normal dash to hide away. You stood outside his bedroom door, heart pounding as you heard the rustle of fabric being draped over long legs and broad shoulders. You expected him to burst free, to swing the door open and make his way to the kitchen, phone in hand, ordering food as he knocked on the members doors to find out what they wanted. But he went silent.

The creek of bed springs and the hollow sound of wood being followed by a hesitant twang of tight strings.

Your eyes widened. He was practicing.

You had never managed to catch him practicing before. Singing, cooking, dancing. All things you had walked in on. All things you had stumbled into seeing. Finding patterns and routines, figuring out ways to see them again. To hide in the shadows so that he wouldn't stop upon unwanted company. But the guitar was irregular. It was sporadic. It was a ‘when I get time, when I have energy’ activity. You knew he played. Film crews captured it all, pics and strings badly hidden in sock draws, guitar stand tucked behind hanging shirts with only the base sticking out when he grabbed a jacket or tie. A glimpse was all you had. Polished wood and muffled audio.

So you bent down. Pushed the door open just slightly with shaking fingertips. Peaked one focused eye through and watched him. Sat there on cotton sheets, a damp towel at his bare feet, hair dripping into the collar of his silk pajama shirt making it tacky on the heated flesh of his neck. And you watched.

You watched him test the waters. Tune each string carefully with a tilted ear. You listened as he played a chord. Checked the position of his fingers and adjusted before playing the same chord over. Nodding. Satisfied. You watched bent fingers pluck taught strings. Hashing out half of a recognisable melody before stopping and sighing. Repositioning. Trying again. You listened as he hummed each note. Matching pitch, following the rise and fall of echoing twang.

You lost track of time. Thighs burning. Eyes itching. You couldn't look away. You didn't want to. Your heart felt heavy. Burdened with overwhelming adoration. You wanted it sit in front of him. Crossed legs on plush carpet. Staring up at him as he plucked away. Watching him for however long it took. Beg him for one more song with childlike awe. Watch him smile and give in as he played one more just for you before insisting it was time for bed. You wanted him to know. You wanted him to let you in. Be less shy. Be proud of his hidden talents. Just enough to share them with you. Just enough to open up when you pleaded. To sing for you, cook with you, dance with you.

Play for you.

Then he stopped. Phone buzzing twice on his bedside table before flashing the lock screen on in a beacon of light. He picked it up. Frowned and put it away.

“I know you're there. It's extremely creepy. Come in”

You jumped. He pulled his guitar from his lap. Propping it up against the mattress and looking directly at your peeping eye with slowly flushing ears. You gulped. Heart racing. You stood up, pushing the door open enough to slip inside with a sheepish look. A toddler caught with their fingers in the cookie jar.

He patted the empty space beside him. You shuffled over, taking a seat, unable to meet his eyes as you fiddled with your fingers.

“Why were you waiting at the door?”  

You shrugged. Gnawing at the inside of your cheek.

“I wanted to hear you play”

Your voice was timid. Head low and socked feet outstretched to mindlessly kick at the damp towel. Resisting the urge to stand up and hang it in its rightful place.  

“You could have asked”

“You would have said no”

You heard him sigh. Saw a large hand come up to rub the back of his neck out of the corner of your eye. You lifted your head. Saw how his own eyes where downcast. Kicking the towel over you socked feet making you jump back with a soft squeak. Slapping his arm lightly and freeing your socks before the dampness overtook them.

You watched the smirk rise on his cheeks. Mask back on as you slipped the pads of your fingers down his arm to interlace with his own. Then the mask dropped slightly and you pulled him into your side.

“I like listening to you sing, watching you cook, seeing you dance, hearing you play. But you'll never show me. I know that. So I just...wanted to hear it. Just wanted to listen. I'm sorry. I won't do it again”

He turned to you. Brow furrowed and eyebrow cocked.

“You listen to me sing?”

His cheeks lit up in a smile as you pushed his side, ears filling with a deep flush as he laughed and pushed you back. Shoulders pushing you down onto your back, crawling to lay on top of you. Squeezing the air from your stomach as you huffed and submitted, tangling firm digits into damp tendrils.

You sat in silence. Looking up at the white of the ceiling. Listening as satisfied hums turned to soft breaths. Drifting off to sleep as the shower still steamed, the guitar still rested, his thighs still burned and the leftovers disappeared between Yoongi's lips.

Silent talents ever present yet unobserved.

You wondered if there would come a time where you could listen to him sing as you brushed your teeth. Find recipes together and create an unforeseen dish to enjoy over candlelight. Slow dance to the perfect tune. Request a song as you sat at his feet and clapped for an encore.

Maybe one day. When his ears weren't red and his smile wasn't hidden.

For now you would hope to catch his eye through the door frame. Hope that he would keep going. Keep sharing his private talent with you until the time came when he opened the door and pulled you inside alongside him.

[incomingalbatross]

2018: Year in Review

Rules: answer the questions about 2018 and tag some people.

Tagged by @fictionadventurer​ and finally actually doing it. Thank you! (Also my fic got into your Good Things? I’m delighted. :-D) 

I have a terrible memory for what happened when, though, so...we’ll see how this goes. :-P

Top 5 Movies you watched in 2018:

Ooh. Hm.

I’m not sure I can remember watching 5 movies in 2018 period... I mean, I’m guessing I did, but remembering? ...We’ll see.

1. Tron: Legacy--Probably 2018. It was a pretty good movie. It definitely had a couple things that bothered me, though--most prominently their treatment of poor Tron himself.

2. Moana--Watched this last summer, finally. I really like the music, and the art is gorgeous. Also, as many people have said, I appreciate the way her quest is for her home and her responsibilities.

3. Murder on the Orient Express (1974)--Watched this on New Year’s Eve with family. It was... okay. They simplified some things, of course, and some of their character interpretations were definitely inaccurate, but on the whole it wasn’t bad.

4. It’s A Wonderful Life--Watched it on Christmas. Not a first-time watch by a long shot, but I’m sticking it in because it’s great and I just realized this time how anti-modern it is. I mean, George Bailey’s whole life is him not “pursuing his passion” or “following his dreams” or “fulfilling himself”... and it’s portrayed as being better not only for the town but for him that he repeatedly gave those things up for others! That’s a rare message to find nowadays.

Top 5 TV Shows you watched in 2018:

1. Doctor Who--Perennial fave for me, but this summer Twitch ran a livestream marathon of all of Classic Who and it was amazing. I saw a lot of stories I hadn’t before and it got me back into the show pretty dramatically. Also the stream was just... a lot of fun. Good memories.

2. Lost--Again, pretty sure this was 2018? Watched it with my brother. The continuity is honestly a lot better than I’d been led to expect, and the characters were really compelling even when you hated them--something of a strength of J. J. Abrams’s, I think.

3. Gravity Falls--Watched it this fall! Not over it yet--I have many, many unvoiced thoughts about this story. (Particularly the Stans, geez.) Incomplete list of good things: The emphasis on family, how well they let the characters be complicated, and how willing they were to have the main characters do wrong things and be forgiven.

4. Over the Garden Wall--watched it around the same time as GF. It didn’t grab me in the same way--it might just be too short to hook me like that?--but the audio and animation are really, really nice.

5. Agents of SHIELD, S4--A season counts if it’s for the first time, right? Especially since I actually wrote a fic for it. The first half felt like they were consciously trying to declutter after the last two seasons, which was nice. The second half... opened up a whole bunch of questions about how the writers view personhood. Still engaging, though.

Top 5 Songs of 2018:

HMMM.

I listen to a lot of stuff on Spotify, but... a lot of it’s in one ear and out the other.

I do like “Dead Hearts” by Stars, though. “10,000 Emerald Pools” by BORNS is also good, and “The Nights” by Avicii is currently in my head. Probably not in my Top 5 of the year, but they’re the ones on the top of my mind right now.

Top 5 Books

Gonna cheat and make some of these “series” instead, because this year I read published fiction in big clumps or not at all.

1. Discworld series--Got into these last spring. Good stuff--I have significant philosophical differences with Sir Terry, but also significant agreements. A lot of humor and a lot of heroism, both.

2. Queen’s Thief series--Saw some people on Tumblr liked them, remembered one of my fave fanfic authors had written fic for them, decided to read them. Really good... I should reread them sometime soon.

3. Killdeer--Got it on ebook because I really like the author (Anne B. Walsh). Technically a novella, I think? Soft sci-fi, a nice, sweet read with action and found family.

4. Persuasive Pro-Life--By Trent Horn. Not fiction, but GOOD. Read it as prep for a persuasive speech I had to give in my Public Speaking Class this fall, would recommend.

5. Tolkien: Man and Myth--By Joseph Pearce. Also nonfiction, also good, though I admit I skipped around a little.

5 Good/Positive Things that happened to you in 2018:

1. Got a job in January--stressful in the beginning, but largely good. And I Have Money now.

2. Got my first car last winter! It’s a nice little car and it’s made life a lot simpler.

3. June Trip--I went to my brother’s wedding, got to spend time with some siblings I hadn’t seen in a while, and then went from there straight to the 2018 Catholic Sacred Music Colloquium. The trip as a whole involved some stress--it was too long for me, for one thing--but it was also definitely good.

4. The six-months-and-counting Doctor Who collaboration I have going with my sister, sparked by a combo of my June trip and the Twitch marathon. We’ve had SO MANY ideas and spent SO MUCH time discussing characters and plotholes and worldbuilding... It’s a great thing.

5. Finding... maybe Chestertonian Tumblr is the best description? (Often, but not always, overlapping with Catholic Tumblr.) :-P I joined Tumblr primarily for nerd stuff, but finding the circle of people who share more of my other interests/values really improved my experience here.

some people to tag: I can’t think of anyone who hasn’t already been tagged right now, but if you’re following me and/or you’re interested, feel free to consider yourself tagged!

[gloomstudy]

11 (jk actually 33) questions tag, again!

tagged by @jacistudies, @geetstudies, and @thestudyofkats. thank you all so much!!

not tagging anymore people since i’ve already done this, but anyone is welcome to answer the same questions! :)

questions from jacistudies:

1. are you a fan of mint chocolate?

yes, if it’s made well.

2. favorite food?

sushi!

3. describe your childhood in 3 words.

long awkward moment.

4. describe your style.

simple and minimal. dark and neutral colors.

5. why make a tumblr?

bored, curious, and wanted to connect with people who shared the same interests as me.

6. how do you usually spend your day off?

sleeping in, catching up on tv shows and anime, mindlessly scrolling through tumblr, watching youtube videos, listening to music, and talking with my mutuals. sometimes i make gifs/edits for my main blog if i’m in the mood.

7. top 3 songs you jam to

at the moment, i really love “feeling good” by day6, “keeper” by the boyz, and “dance the night away” by twice!

8. what’s your favorite cuisine?

aside from cuisine from my own culture (chinese), i also like japanese and korean food!

9. favorite flavor?

matcha/green tea~

10. what’s your dream home like?

ultra modern exterior, minimalist interior, neutral colors, and environmentally friendly.

11. what kind of music do you like?

my taste in music is all over the place, but i mostly like to listen to pop, kpop, edm, lo-fi, and rock. sometimes i listen to alternative, indie, and classical.

questions from geetstudies:

1. favorite quote from a book/movie/tv show?

"the chance to let your talent truly blossom, perhaps it’s today.” -oikawa tooru, haikyuu!!

2. recent read review?

i haven’t read any books recently, but i read an article this morning about the science of music, and i didn’t like how this one guy said that today’s music is “auditory cheesecake.” basically, he said that the (popular) music that we listen to these days is trash, and i feel that that’s not true at all. perhaps he’s from an older generation and has yet to catch up and understand. *smiles sheepishly and shrugs* other than that, the rest of the article was pretty interesting!

3. your go-to person for motivation?

hmm...probably @lavietudier. he’s good at brightening up my day. :)

4. greatest source of inspiration?

music!!

5. an abstract goal in life?

i don’t really have any abstract goals? uhhh...i guess it would be cool if i could go to space someday, ahaha.

6. favorite word in your native language?

i don’t really have a favorite cantonese word, but my brother and i like making puns out of cantonese words that sound like english words!

7. most effective note taking system that works for you?

outline format! everything is laid out nicely with main points and sub-points, and if i need to write a paper about a certain topic later, i don’t really need to write a rough draft because almost all the information is already outlined in my notes!

8. biggest distraction?

honestly? the entire internet.

9. most overrated trend in your opinion?

dabbing. just...pls stop.

10. one word to describe yourself.

divergent.

11. three lines of advice for new studyblrs.

share original content, don’t worry about the numbers, and ignore the haters.

questions from thestudyofkats:

1. what is the most joyous memory you have? how old were you, where was it, etc.?

the day that i found out that i got into the uni that i currently attend! i was 17 and in my senior year of high school. i was at home and got a call from the uni saying that i got off the waitlist and that i was accepted. i was so so so excited! i was screaming and jumping around all over the place, ahaha. it was such a great day! :’)

2. why is your favorite color your favorite?

my favorite color is lavender! it’s light, and it makes me happy and keeps me calm. i also feel like it’s kinda healing? overall, it’s just a very nice color!

3. if you could learn one foreign language what would it be and why?

either japanese or korean. i mean, i’m currently already self-studying japanese and i’ll be taking korean next semester, but those two languages are the ones that i’ve been most interested in for a very long time now.

4. who was your favorite teacher from primary/elementary school and why?

my 2nd grade teacher! she was so kind and fun to be around, and she always made class very enjoyable. by the time i was in 3rd grade, she left and went to teach at another school, and i missed her a lot ;;

5. what is the last book you read for fun, or for school, and genuinely enjoyed?

to the lighthouse by virginia woolf! i absolutely love how the perspective always changes from one character to the next, and it kinda feels like you’re watching a movie when you read it.

6. what is one past historical event you wish you could get a front row seat for to see what it really looked like?

not really a specific event, but i’d love to watch debussy compose his pieces and ask him how he makes them all sound so pretty~

7. when you were young (sometime aged 5-8) what did you want to be when you grew up?

a doctor or an astronaut. if you told me that i would be a musician, i might have believed you.

8. what is a song you could listen to on repeat for days and not get tired of?

“write it in the sky” by kina grannis (ken loi remix)

9. what is something you feel strongly about? tell us a bit about it!

john cage’s music is actually pretty interesting if you take the time to really listen and understand. i appreciate his philosophy of music being anything that makes sound, including silence. silence can be meaningful, too.

10. what is your ideal study environment?

at home, alone, at my desk, in my room, during the day, lots of natural light, all of my necessary stationery and study materials neatly laid out, and good music with no lyrics.

11. why do you care about school? what goals do you have related to your schooling and future?

i care about school because education is important, not only for learning new things, but also to develop your critical thinking skills, apply what you learn to real-life situations, and figure out who you are. i hope to graduate successfully by spring 2019, and i’m considering going to graduate school and getting my master’s degree in audio engineering. i’d love to work for a large entertainment company someday, and i’d like to have my own studio and produce an original album as well! :D