#I will never be good enough for anyone else and I’m terrified the last person I care about will leave me behind too’

[candidateofloyalty]

Franziska’s insistence on perfection is an attempt to live up to her father’s legacy despite that legacy being built on lies and ruining countless lives including that of the person Franziska loves most. Accepting that she is not and cannot be perfect is a major step in her development into not only a better person but a happier one. And despite all of this, every time she declares her own perfection my immediate impulse is to agree with her

[edenmemes]

baldur's gate 3 starters (part 1)

part 1 / ? .

❝ a less trusting person might think this all sounds very suspicious. ❞ ❝ you say all the right words, but i’m not sure you mean the right things. ❞ ❝ i know somewhere quiet. somewhere intimate. somewhere we can…indulge in each other. ❞ ❝ eugh, don’t be nice to me. it makes me want to be nice back. ❞ ❝ we needn’t be enemies. there’s plenty of those to go around already. ❞ ❝ there’s a steeliness to you, an unwavering tenacity in the face of, to be frank, quite dire odds. ❞ ❝ even the waves of fate can break upon the shores of will. ❞ ❝ i appreciate anyone that opens a conversation with threats of bodily harm. ❞ ❝ oh, you know me - ever the optimist. i’m trying to focus on the positives. ❞ ❝ i’m not easily impressed by people, but you’re stronger than i gave you credit for. ❞ ❝ there’s an air about you. something alien. ❞ ❝ loosen the grip on your pride for one blasted moment, won’t you? ❞ ❝ it’s been a long time since someone stuck their neck out for me like that. ❞ ❝ there’s something odd about this village. people skulk around like they’ve something to hide. ❞ ❝ you know, if you want to spend time with me, you only have to say so. ❞ ❝ i want to know what the world sees when it looks at me. what you see. ❞ ❝ what’s better than a devil you don’t know? a devil you do. ❞ ❝ you must know that you’re…that you’re very special to me. ❞ ❝ the gods are nothing if not vindictive in their vengeance. ❞ ❝ stay with me a while, will you? day will come all too soon. ❞ ❝ here’s my little treat with their cheeks all flushed. ❞ ❝ i am terrified. i will not claim otherwise. ❞ ❝ my apologies. i’m not quite myself yet. i had the strangest dream last night. ❞ ❝ we didn’t die today. tomorrow, perhaps. but not today. ❞ ❝ leader’s need to make tough decisions. we do what we must. ❞ ❝ i think that unknowable powers come with unknowable consequences. ❞ ❝ i’ve had a lifetime’s fill of watching little men puff themselves up with grand titles. ❞ ❝ in these times, all we can trust are the blades in our hands. ❞ ❝ it’s not easy to turn away from one you once loved. ❞ ❝ much has been promised to you, hasn’t it? but what has been taken from you? ❞ ❝ damn it all. i can do nothing right - not a damn thing. ❞ ❝ every instinct i have tells me that nothing’s changed. that i’m still just a means to an end. ❞ ❝ do not speak of a story you only know the half of. ❞ ❝ i dreamt every night that you’d come back to me. that somehow it was all a nightmare dawn would undo. ❞ ❝ when the time comes to strike, you must take it. for there may be only one chance. ❞ ❝ your eyes. there is pain, endless and deep. but also devotion - blazing like the sun. ❞ ❝ you’re adorable even when you’re teasing me. ❞ ❝ i don’t need your help, and i don’t need your pity. ❞ ❝ i’m more than what i was. and i’m not afraid of anything any more. ❞ ❝ i said exactly what i meant: i love you. you should never, never doubt that. ❞ ❝ this is all like some sort of terrible dream. but it’s real, isn’t it? ❞ ❝ there is no redemption. can’t you see? it is too late. ❞ ❝ i don’t know that it was brave. i just know that it was right. ❞ ❝ you took those bastards down like it was nothing. it…was amazing. ❞ ❝ they underestimated me. so they paid the price. ❞ ❝ we fight, we die, and we just hope that when our time comes, there is someone else to take our place. ❞ ❝ unfortunately for me, you’re my friend. rescuing you from mortal peril is my right. ❞ ❝ what did you think i was going to say? 'oh, come here, i'll kiss you better'? ❞ ❝ flowers are so overrated. they're bright, gaudy, and almost never make good poisons. ❞ ❝ i’ve been lied to, my whole life. and i was gullible enough to just believe it. ❞ ❝ you know, i never pictured myself as a hero. never thought i'd be the one they toast for saving so many lives. and now that i'm here…i hate it. ❞ ❝ you know, i feel a connection between us. like we're two souls walking the same path. ❞ ❝ the forgiving sort, are you? you should be careful. plenty would take advantage of that. ❞

❝ it’s as if god made you just to ruin me. ❞ ❝ perish the thought. every word i said was nothing less than true. ❞ ❝ you have a manner of irresistible desperation about you. i like it. ❞ ❝ i got my eye on you. you got the look of a troublemaker. ❞ ❝ i’m starting to think you’re my guardian angel. ❞ ❝ it seems you know me better than i know myself. ❞ ❝ you…you have no idea what you’ve done. ❞ ❝ they say madness and genius are separated by but a hair’s breadth. perhaps the same is true of madness and stupidity. ❞ ❝ oh, it’s you. don’t you get tired of telling people how to live their lives? ❞ ❝ good morning! thank you for not killing me the other night. ❞ ❝ when the time comes to strike, you must take it. for there may be only one chance. ❞ ❝ it is good to savour the moment of victory - but pace bg3 syourself. our fight is just beginning. ❞ ❝ i was too hasty to judge you. i thought you were witless, gutless, unimpressivably bland… ❞ ❝ yours is the first happy face i’ve seen in a good while. ❞ ❝ when hope has been whittled down to the very marrow of despair – that’s when you’ll come knocking on my door. ❞ ❝ thank you, my friend. maybe we’ll meet again, in another life. ❞ ❝ you’ll regret sticking your nose in my business. ❞

[ayanominitrash]

INTRIGUE (True Form Sukuna x Reader)

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

Humans.

Though weak creatures, they cause chaos wherever and whatever era. It only seems like the only consistent thing in this world. They crawl like the desperate pathetic ants they are, forever struggling to survive day by day. The other idiot ants feel superior to the others, taking advantage of their power that they’d go so far as to take the food that others worked hard to haul onto the hill only for them to have it for themself.  Corruption. No matter the age, Ryomen Sukuna - King of Curses- has witnessed the same thing over and over again. It’s getting a little tiring to look at. 

This is the exact description that anyone in the village would put in the Kamo clan - the corrupt and tyrant rulers. They are wealthy and at the top of the power hierarchy, the very source of corruption, of abuse. The men in the family would beat, abuse, and take advantage of their blood relatives. Some are sold, adding more riches to their unnoble stockpile of treasure. To any lowlife they come across and feel like harassing, they would do so through pain and torture or even just public humiliation just for fun. There wasn’t any person that was brave enough to stand up against them. They were the only ones who were capable of protecting them from curses that would invade them from time to time. The people in that village are under their mercy. Where else can they go when there are curses out there beyond, not knowing how many are out threading freely?

Sukuna sighs in exasperation as he remains squatting on a tree branch, overlooking the nearby village under the bright sun. Sukuna hides in the forest, far away enough that humans wouldn’t loiter around much but close enough that he can watch what goes on in that small puny community. If he does encounter a human, his terrifying four-armed figure will be the last thing that they’d see before their demise. However, in recent days, there haven’t been a lot of humans threading deep into the forest because of the rumors that people who go there never return. Because of this, he hasn’t eaten for weeks and is currently starving for meat. Sukuna debates if it is time to raid the village to satiate his hunger and quench his thirst for blood. 

As if on queue, there was a rustle from the bushes nearby and a familiar scent carried in the wind to which Sukuna wasted no time but to take it all in with one big whiff. It’s the scent that he’s been longing for so long.

Food.

He makes his move, swinging his four arms from one branch to another as quietly as possible, making his way toward the delicious smell. He won’t be bothered to check if this one’s good meat, the only thing he cares about is to quiet down the rumbling of his stomach. When he reaches a safe enough distance, he crouches down his big frame behind one of the bushes near the small river stream. Sukuna’s red eyes shine against the sun as soon as it lands on his meal, licking his lips. 

It was a small girl with short hair, the bottom of her purple kimono neatly folded as she was squatting down at the side of the stream, running a hand in the water while staring in silence. She has her back turned to him as she hums a tune to herself. This was a very easy and effortless catch for Sukuna, a little girl with her guard down. He doubted that he would feel full after ingesting her whole being but it was better than nothing.  The King crouched down and waited, getting ready to pounce until he finally did with a deafening roar. 

Sukuna lands where she is, thinking he has crushed her. He was ready to dig his fingers into her body when he realized that he didn’t hear any screaming and that there was no one underneath him. Confused, he looks around only to see the girl had dogged him and is now holding her hands up.  This completely baffled Sukuna as he stared at the girl’s shocked but not scared face.

“E-easy there, I don’t intend to harm you. I’m sorry if I wandered too far into your territory.” She says in a high-pitched shaky voice. “I-I know you must be h-hungry. I’m actually carrying hens in the b-basket I’m carrying, if that would suffice”

Watching the girl talk made his blood boil. How dare she outwit him by dodging his attack? He would’ve consumed her by now if it weren’t for her eagerness to live. The foolish human thinks she can talk her way out of getting eaten by the King of Curses. He runs towards her, claws extended in front of him when she jumps out of the way again but this time, he can grab her by the foot. She yelps in pain at what he thought because of his grip but he looks down and sees a massive bruise on her ankle. It looked like it had been there for a few days so it couldn’t be because of him. She screams and lands on the shallow side of the water, wetting her hair, face, and upper body. He drags her leg towards him, laughing at the way she digs her fingers into the soil trying to stop herself from getting dragged. With ease, he lifts her upside down with one hand, satisfied with the way her Kimono drops down exposing her slender legs and undergarments.

“Oi, oi, oi! That’s no way to treat a lady, Mister!” She makes an effort to shake her fist at him despite being upside down. “P-please, maybe you should try the hen first?!”

The gull of this human to keep talking as if her life was not about to end made him stop in his movements to look down on her. Her face is panicked but not scared. This takes the fun out of killing her but he’s really after the food instead of the thrill. Still, Sukuna has never encountered a girl who acted this way. It was always screaming, crying, and flailing their hands which made it all the more delicious when he finally sank his sharp teeth into their flesh, silencing the pathetic pleas. Still holding her upside down, his eyes curiously do a double take on this peculiar filth he managed to catch. The little girl, no, this young woman had bruises, burns, and cuts all over her limbs. Some wounds have already been scars but others are still healing. The curse thought this person was a little girl but no doubt she was a woman with her mature figure and breasts. It was just that she was incredibly thin as if the concept of food was never introduced to her. Sukuna knows that he told himself before he attacked that he wasn’t gonna bother with the quality of this meat, but this made him lose his appetite. But mostly, he was curious about what this filth went through, and why doesn’t she act as if life was taken from her, like an empty shell. Instead, she has a wild and bright spirit in her that burns his eyes. It was. . . interesting.

He drops her to the ground.

“See, see! Hens do sound good if you just give it a chance. Come, come!” The woman scrambles to her feet to reach for the basket near the stream. She whips it around and offers it to him, with a hopeful smile on her face or a grateful one for having shown mercy. “They’re fresh from my uncle’s farm!” 

He stares at this ridiculous scene in front of him for a moment before crossing both pairs of his arms. “Get that fucking thing out of my face, you filthy being. What do you take me for?” 

The curse’s deep menacing voice was frightening enough that the young woman recoiled, pulling the hen back to her chest.  She was too stunned to say anything. 

“Well then, why didn’t you eat me if you didn’t want the hen?” 

This made Sukuna pull a dumbfounded face for her to talk to him so bluntly. He curls his lips in amusement, “You’re as filthy as they come, human. You’ve ruined my appetite with your disgusting state.”

“Hm?! Do you mean my injuries? I didn’t know curses were so picky.” She puts her hand on her chin as if in deep thought. 

“So you know what a curse is then, filth. Are you not afraid?”

“Should I be?” For the first time, there was a small smile on her lips as she stared up into the king’s eyes. “I’m well aware that people who enter the forest never come back and I know for sure that they’re eaten by curses. I didn’t think I’d encounter one so soon though, and it is the King himself, no less.”

It’s as if everything that comes out of this filth’s mouth was made to surprise Sukuna every time it opens. He still hadn’t come to terms with that this was all happening, so he couldn’t stop himself from laughing maniacally out loud out of the ridiculousness of it all, of his sharp teeth bearing in front of her. She flinches a little at the sight of him.

“You amuse me!” He finally says as soon as he stops laughing. “Bear to me your name, filth.”

She says her name in a small voice. 

“Never heard of you! Nonetheless, I shall not forget you, filth. I’m  still hungry and I’m still going to eat you despite how you are.” 

He laughs a little when he sees her shoulders drop and deflate at the realization that her life was not spared, the hen finally flies out of her grasp. 

“Uh- I know I came here knowing my fate but it seems that I'm afraid to die after all. I know you’re hungry. Are you alright with at least an arm? Or a leg? I can give you that much.” 

Again, he was taken aback by the words that left her lips once more. Before he can even say anything, she throws her left arm in his direction. “How about this arm?! There aren't many cuts here?” 

For the first time, Ryomen Sukuna, the King of Curses, was at a loss for words. He glares down at the odd creature in front of him, wondering what’s wrong with her. He takes a few steps back, widening the distance between them. After a few steps, he plops himself cross-legged on the ground. They carefully watch each other in silence, wary of each movement one of them makes. In the background, the hen she was once holding was leisurely bathing itself in the shallow end of the water. 

“Human,” Sukuna finally speaks to her, who flinches again. “Tell me, why are you decorated like a warrior and sickly thin like that of a twig?” 

The girl deflates in her seat again in the grass. She looked down at the stream and opted to go back to her position before Sukuna attacked her, one hand dipping in the water. Silence blankets them once more as she gathers her thoughts. 

“Hmmm. . .if you’re not going to eat me, then what are you planning to eat? Do you eat pigs?”

“I asked you a question, filth. I have yet to hear your answer.”

“- Because if you eat pigs, I could go ahead and grab one from the village and offer it to you. I don’t think I just leave knowing that you’re hungry if you’re kind enough not to kill me.”

“Are you not going to answer me?”

“Can I at least offer you something to eat first before I do?”  She gives a sheepish smile. “I know what it’s like not having anything to eat, as you can tell. My arm is still on the offer if that will help you.” 

“Bring me another human, then.” 

She was quiet for a bit, removing her hand from the water and then bringing it up to her chin in thought, not minding the water droplets dripping on her kimono since it was already messy from the earlier event. “Do you think an older lady will be okay? She’s on the brink of her death. She’s got a plump frame.”

Sukuna laughs again in amusement. “Do you have no regard for your kind? Oh, Humans!”

She shrugs, then grins, “I heard you like cooked humans. I can cook her for you if you’d like.”

His ears perk at this. It has been a while since he tasted cooked human meat. His previous servant was the only one who could cook for him and they have long since parted nearly a decade ago. His stomach growls at the mere suggestion of grilled meat. 

She lightly laughs, her eyes softening. “I take that as a yes. I can do that much for you for your kindness. You may find it odd for me to kill my kind, but honestly, I think it’s better to put her out of her misery. She was a great woman.” 

“How do I know you’ll come back, filth? I know, if you do not come back when the full moon rises, I will burn down your village.” 

Sukuna had a small inkling that she wouldn’t mind her village burning down, seeing how she is all covered in different types of injuries just from living there, but the mere mention of her village made the color drain from her face.

“Understood, then.” As the girl stands up with the basket full of hens, she makes an effort to dust off her kimono but it doesn't do anything. “Full moon it is!”

“Hurry up, fifth. I do not like waiting.” Sukuna says before standing up and walking back into the forest where he came from. 

⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖

(❀❛ ֊ ❛„)♡ reblogs and comments are appreciated//do not repost my work anywhere // this is one of my first Sukuna fics and I wrote this way back on March this year damn //not re-proofread so sorry if some parts dont make sense or some typa cringe lol

[mysticmellowlove]

This a big bitch. Btw not proofread so some parts may be grammatically incorrect.

Yan x fem reader who is just kinda at her limit. She is always so giving and soft with him, she loves him and loves treating him like the good boy he is. She never wants to hurt his feelings, but recently she has just kinda been pent up from everything else in life and slightly takes it out on him.. not that he would really mind anyway. She just kinda wants him to fuck the stress out of her sometimes yk? I imagine they are doing the tango or whatever and as she’s fondling him she just starts getting a little… prickly. “You say you will always protect me but I worry you won’t be able to if you can’t even hold yourself together around me.” He whimpers while looking at her feeling the intensity of her hand around his heavy leaking cock. She then continues: “I mean you don’t even have enough strength to fuck me right. I have to do all the work. You say you love to worship me but I’m the one always giving you the attention.” He now groans. “I’ve been thinking that maybe I should find another man, a man that can actually serve me- one that has the strength to protect me and worship me.” He is a dirty slut so he just whimpers and groans a little teary-eyed.

She realizes he’s not getting the fucking message and just thinks she joking (which she is but she wants to see how far she can push him ofc) so she proceeds to say: “Maybe I’ll even find a woman. (His eyes immediately switch to her) Women could please me.I mean she has all the same parts I do, she could actually hit my G spots unlike you.” That’s what hits him. She always told him she was straight so it was funny to her that the mention of a women would get him to actually seem shocked and slightly terrified.

Oh no not the mention of another man fucking her because he knows that would never happen, but a women? He doesn’t even think about the facts he can only think about a women pleasing his women. “ Mommy stop it your being mean.” “Maybe buy a strap on that will actually fill me up unlike your cock.” He is seeing red by now because he actually realizes what she just said. Is he not pleasing her? Is she getting bored? Is he being lazy?

(He worships her all day long I mean he is literally a slave for her- she says get her water with rose shaped ice cubes he will make it happen he just loves submitting to her and she loves it) He can’t take it anymore. He flips her over and looks at her. “I said don’t say that Mommy! You can’t fuck anyone else I’m the only one!” He takes her pants off. “I can please you I promise you don’t need some dirty whore some dirty filthy man!”

He takes her panties off and can only think of making her scream his name at this point. “ You’re mine! Don’t ever think about anyone else Mommy. Mine!” He is going as deep and as hard as he can. Looking at her to see if she’s responding. “My cock is big enough see! It fills you all the way up!” Her eyes are literally rolling to the back of her head because nothing turns her on more than her submissive little slave getting a little courage now and then.

Of course since he’s a little slut he can’t last too long so he begins whimpering and whining from pure pleasure. “Mommy mommy please mommy only me I’m good I swear don’t leave me mommy.”

After that he is basically a hiccuping whimpering mess. He is blissed out in pleasure and a little bit of doubt because was she telling the truth? She’s never been mean like that before. She can tell she got him questioning his existence rn so she pulls him into the crevice of her neck and he begins to sob. “Oh baby you know you’re the only person I could ever love- ever give myself too. I just wanted to see what you could do.” While kissing his head. He eventually stopped crying and nodded into as they fell asleep.

I just thought about this on a car ride the other day because I was feeling a bit bitchy and stressed. Anyway….

Xoxo, 🍪

note; cookie this is so fucking hot what the hell, honestly I'll take whatever you're having because this is literally perfect. this was a whole meal on its own.

sub who actually got scared for once, he doesn't even realise you're goading him he's just so scared that you'd actually think of leaving him.

even when he's fucking you as hard as he can he can't help but beg you to keep him. maybe if he tries harder then you won't think like this anymore. collar him, brand him, anything! just don't leave him for someone else.

he promises he can be better, he'll research how to make you feel good, he'll try and take control sometimes. just tell him what you want and he can do it for you!

even after you two are done for the night the thought festers in his head, he thinks about it all through the night and into the morning. he's basically at your feet the entire day after, just waiting for you to even hint at wanting something.

even weeks from now he'll go out and buy stuff for you. relaxing bath salts, food, sweet date ideas, candles and pillows and blankets and plushies! anything you want! you want books, you want puzzles? how about something that ties into your hobby?

he just wants to solidify his place in your life. see, he can be better. he can be the best! if only you'll continue to love him and only him.

[cherienymphe]

The Less I Know The Better VIII (JJ Maybank x Reader x Rafe Cameron)

Warnings: eventual NON-CON, eventual DUB-CON, jealousy, voyeurism, self harm, manipulation, underage drinking, drug use, mild unhealthy relationship, eventual violence, one sided kiara x jj, non canon ages, pogue!reader, I believe this is what therapists call a breakthrough 

➥ banner by @vase-of-lilies​ | divider by @firefly-graphics​

➥ series masterlist

summary:  When you start dating Rafe Cameron, no one is more surprised than you when your best friend JJ takes it really well. However, no one is more surprised than JJ when he’s forced to see his once frumpy BFF in an entirely new light, suddenly terrified of losing what he never knew he had to the person he hates most.

~

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

JJ closed his eyes, swallowing down a sigh and any other nastiness that threatened to come up. Kie’s voice was soft, but no less disappointed. The rest of the Pogues were around the fire, and JJ should’ve known that his solitude on the steps wasn’t going to last for long. Especially with one look at Kiara’s face.

“Y/N told me everything you said…”

That didn’t surprise him.

“She called me as soon as Rafe was asleep. She was a mess…and she was hurt, so I’m asking you again. What’s your problem?”

“Rafe-.”

“I thought you loved her more than you hated him. Or was that a lie?”

“It’s not,” he snapped, finally looking up at her.

Kie was angry, that much was obvious, but there was something else in her gaze that he couldn’t place. Something that made him feel so…wrong.

“You’re being an asshole, you know that, right?” she threw at him, arms folded over her chest. “The other night was supposed to be great for her...and you ruined it.”

“You don’t think I know that?”

Now, JJ could feel himself getting angry. He had already beaten himself up enough for how he acted, and he didn’t need nor want to hear it from Kie too.

“…and for what? Because she had sex with her boyfriend, and had a little pregnancy scare?”

JJ felt his teeth grind together at the mention of what had started the fight in the first place. He didn’t miss Kie’s emphasis on the word ‘boyfriend’, and he stared her down from beneath his lashes. Kie’s gaze was almost challenging, an eyebrow raised at him.

“You don’t think I’ve been in that same position before? You don’t think Sarah has?”

JJ exhaled, fighting the urge to tell her he didn’t care about them like he cared about you. You were everything to him, and seeing you with Rafe was one thing, but knowing that you were having sex with the guy was something else entirely. It made his skin crawl, and JJ pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. When he’d saw that lace monstrosity in your luggage, he had thought… Well, he had hoped that it was just a thought, an intent.

He hadn’t realized that his worst fears had been confirmed on that trip.

“He’s not good enough for her,” he finally said.

Kie heaved a frustrated sigh.

“I agree, but let’s not pretend that this is all about Rafe.”

JJ frowned at that, narrowing his eyes at her. What?

“What? Of course, it’s about Rafe. Kook king, asshole, the guy I’ve fought on more than one occasion. Remember him? I don’t think any of that’s changed just because she’s fucking him, now,” JJ sneered.

Kie’s lips twitched, like she was fighting a smile, but it wasn’t a friendly one. It was tense, filled with bitterness, and the look she gave JJ was cold.

“So, it’s all about Rafe… You’d be fine if it was anyone but Rafe.”

“Anyone who’s not some asshole from Figure 8,” he corrected.

“So, a Pogue…nice, I guess…”

“Doesn’t discriminate. I don’t think that’s too hard to ask for,” he added.

“Someone who can really relate to her life, right?”

“Yeah.”

“…even better if he knew her her whole life. Someone who wouldn’t ‘change’ her…?”

JJ blinked at Kie, not liking the look on her face and the slight scoff she let out.

“Someone like you?”

JJ blinked again, this time his lips parting in the process. He blinked again, rearing back a bit before letting out a humorless chuckle.

“You’re not funny.”

“I’m not trying to be…”

He and Kie stared at each other for what felt like a long time, neither of them saying a word. Her brows were raised as she waited for him to say something. Only…JJ didn’t know what to say to that. Kie’s suggestion was crazy, and he laughed again, shaking his head. JJ was actually a little insulted that she thought that low of him, that she thought this was about anything other than his protectiveness over you.

“That’s not what this is about,” he quietly said, and now it was Kie’s turn to laugh.

It was so loud and sudden that it drew the attention of the others.

“Oh my God,” she cried, shaking her head. “It’s actually less funny now that I see how deep in denial you are.”

“Kie-.”

“You don’t even realize it,” she bitterly chuckled. “…and I don’t know what’s scarier.”

JJ was looking at her like she was crazy, but funnily enough, she was looking at him like he was the crazy one.

“The thought of you behaving like this with some kind of self-awareness…or the thought of you not.”

Again, he was at a loss for words, and her face suddenly fell. She looked serious, swiping her tongue along her lips as she stared him down.

“She’s really happy, JJ…”

He felt his heart sink at the seriousness in her tone.

“Do you get that?”

“I do-.”

“No, I don’t think you do,” she interrupted. “You’re not thinking about how great he makes her feel, or how much she likes being around him, or how happy she is.”

“I-.”

“You’re not thinking about any of that! You’re only thinking about the fact that you hate him, and he’s with her, and you hate her for it.”

“I don’t-.”

“Yes, you do,” she spat, and JJ was standing now, face tight as he stared at her. “You’re a shitty liar because it’s clear as day that part of you hates her for being with him.”

Her voice had attracted everyone’s attention, now, and Pope was nearing them.

“You hate her for liking Rafe. You hate her for enjoying his money, for being around his friends, and for willingly being a part of a lifestyle you’ve talked shit about your whole life.”

Pope was reaching for Kie’s arm, but she brushed him off, dark eyes focused on JJ.

“She’s your best friend, and part of you hates her…because you don’t think she chose the right guy.”

JJ swallowed, staring after Kie long after she’d walked away. Pope had sent him an apologetic look, but JJ had ignored it. His throat felt tight, chest even tighter, and they all opted to keep quiet when he left. He was so deep in thought that he swore he almost crashed his bike twice on the way to your house.

Kie wasn’t completely wrong.

He didn’t want to say it, let alone think it, but part of him did hate you. He’d been telling himself that Rafe was just that good, that he’d swindled his way into your heart. He was confident that you would realize Rafe hadn’t changed, at all, that you would see him exactly for who he was… But the truth was that you already knew who Rafe was, and you chose to see the good in him instead.

You weren’t some innocent and brainless little girl who got tricked into a relationship with the asshole next door. You chose Rafe. You looked him in the face, and chose him, and it tore JJ up inside. It made his whole body hurt…but mostly his heart. He was running his hands through his hair when you answered the door, eyes wide at the sight of him.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed.

He watched the way your face fell, hurt flashing across your features, and he knew that he’d done that.

“I know. You…wrote that.”

“…but I wanted to tell you to your face.”

You took a deep breath, and JJ’s gaze was drawn to the movement, blue eyes watching the way your chest rose and fell. His gaze skimmed along the top of your shirt, lingering, and he blinked, lips parting as he lifted his gaze.

“You called me a Figure 8 slut,” you continued when he opened his mouth. “Compared me to one, whatever. Same difference, I guess. It hurt the same.”

JJ’s gaze found his feet, kicking at the dirt, and he sniffed. He could feel himself getting emotional, right now, and he didn’t know why. He hadn’t been right since you told him you and Rafe were dating, but he swore he’d been on the verge of passing out since he found that empty box in your trash can. Even now, the thought of that night made him nauseous.

It was hard to describe how he felt when he recognized what it was. It’d felt like he’d been outside of his body as he watched himself reach down and grab it. He couldn’t tell you how long he’d been staring at it when you finally came in the bathroom. It had taken everything in him to even move, let alone speak.

All he kept picturing was you…and Rafe.

The box had confirmed his fear, and images of you and Rafe were taunting him. You and Rafe in a hotel, in his truck, in his room—in your room. He kept thinking about Rafe touching you, dragging his lips over your body, defiling you. It was ass backwards, he knew that. It was archaic and stupid, and he had no right, but the thought of Rafe inside of you had made him see red.

You treating it like it was no big deal had only made him angrier. He was so angry, that in that moment, JJ was confident he could’ve killed Rafe. He’d always thought he wanted to kill him before, but never like that. JJ had never had that burning almost paralyzing desire to put a bullet in his face, to make him swallow his teeth, to run him down like a dog in the street.

He wanted Rafe away from you.

“I’m sorry,” JJ choked out, blinking and realizing that his vision had gone blurry.

He sniffed again, still staring at his feet, blond strands hanging into his face.

“I don’t…I don’t think he’s good for you,” he forced out.

His voice was low, but you heard him all the same.

“That’s not your choice to make,” you whispered.

JJ looked up, eyes finding the arch of the doorway as he took a deep breath. His hands were shoved into his pockets, and Kie’s words were loud in his head.

“When I told you about us, you told me that you loved me more than you hated him.”

“I-.”

“That’s what you told me, and I thought you meant that.”

“I do!”

JJ could feel that desperation creeping up, fingers trembling and eyes widening. He felt like your friendship was at a tipping point, that it could go either way, and it was all his fault. He felt desperate to save it, to keep it, to keep you around. To keep you.

He stumbled inside, and you took a step back.

JJ was taking deep breaths, shoulders heaving and heart racing. He felt panicked, feeling like everything was out of control, and normally he liked that, but in this moment…he felt like he might die. You were looking at him like you were sad and disappointed and confused all in one. He had done that, and JJ hated himself for it.

He pulled you into a hug before you could protest, arms right around you.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he tearfully mumbled, repeating it over and over again. “I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t even notice when you hugged him back, too caught up in making sure you knew how sorry he was. He kept blinking tears away, squeezing you tight as he buried his face into the crook of your neck. You were shushing him, trying to calm him down, but he couldn't stop shaking. The thought of losing you made his knees weak.

“JJ, it’s okay.”

It wasn’t. You were saying that because you were good, and it was okay to you, now, but it wasn’t. He knew that if he didn’t get it together, he would lose you, and that made him hold you tighter. It made him squeeze his eyes shut…and it made him brush his lips over the skin of your neck.

“You don’t think Kie’s right…do you?”

Pope didn’t answer right away, a slight frown on his face when JJ rolled his head towards him. They were both on the dock, drinking way more than they should. JJ could tell by the look on his face what Pope was going to say.

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t hear every word she said. You think she’s right?”

Pope let out a breath, looking away for a bit.

“I just think it’s weird for you,” he finally answered. “You’ve always been protective of Y/N, and this whole thing with Rafe…”

Pope shrugged.

“I sort of knew it would get worse before it got better.”

“So…you don’t think I have ulterior motives or whatever? Even without realizing it?”

The other guy’s head shook immediately, a scoff leaving him.

“You? Y/N? Nah,” he drawled. “You’ve never looked at her that way. I had to point it out to you that she’s a pretty girl, which is a little ridiculous if you ask me.”

JJ agreed.

He found that ridiculous, now, too…because you were beautiful. He felt a little silly for not seeing it before, but lately it was all he seemed to notice. The way the sun glinted off of your hair, the way your eyes would sparkle when you laughed, or how perfect your lips looked that night before Midsummers. As angry as he’d been, it wasn’t enough to make him forget how blown away he’d been when you opened the door.

That pink had looked great on you, and in that moment, you looked like his best friend instead of Rafe’s girlfriend. Where he normally would’ve cracked some joke, he’d only had the mind to tell you how beautiful you looked, tempted to reach out and touch you. You hadn’t even realized, turning away and talking to him like you weren’t a vision.

A vision that Rafe didn’t deserve.

JJ suddenly shook his head, feeling like the alcohol was getting to him.

“He’s just not good enough for her, you know?”

“Yeah,” Pope sighed. “We all know. Even Rafe knows, but…that’s up to her. You have to respect that.”

JJ’s jaw clenched, loathed to admit that Pope was right.

“You think they’ll break up?” he suddenly wondered, thinking out loud. “…because if they don’t…then…”

He couldn’t say it, didn’t even want to think it. If there ever came a time where you walked down the aisle with Rafe, JJ was positive that’d kill himself. It was either that or break up.

“They haven’t even been going out for half a year,” Pope assured him. “It’s a little too early to start wondering if they’ll get married. Bring it up again in two years if they’re still together.”

JJ nodded at that, a sour taste in his mouth at the thought of you and Rafe still together two years from now. He and Pope laid on the dock for what felt like hours, talking about any and everything, the conversation coming back to some girl Pope liked while JJ’s thoughts kept going back to you. He wondered what you were doing, and as if reading his mind, Pope mentioned something about you hanging out with Rafe tonight in passing.

“I gotta go.”

The words were out of JJ’s mouth before he could process them, and if Pope thought it was odd, he didn’t say anything. JJ was too drunk to think straight, unsure of what his goal even was, only knowing that he wanted to see you. He didn’t care if Rafe was there or not. You were his friend before you were Rafe’s girlfriend.

He could feel his blood bubbling at the thought of the other guy in your life, alcohol threatening to climb out of his throat. He wondered what you two were doing, if you were alone, and JJ could feel his hand reaching for the pocket knife in his jeans. It was sick, he knew that, his thoughts verging on concerning, but that didn’t stop himself from acting on them.

By the time he made it to your door, ignoring Rafe’s truck in your yard, he was sliding the knife back into his pocket. It took you a while to answer, and he couldn’t stop his heart from clenching at the thought of why it took you so long. When you swung the door open, you were surprised to see him, a tiny smile on your lips that quickly dropped.

“JJ,” you breathed, reaching for him.

He winced when your fingers brushed along the cut on his cheek, horrified eyes falling to the blood that had seeped through his shirt. You pulled him inside, breath shaky, and it was hard to ignore Rafe’s presence in the kitchen. The other blond was staring at him, JJ staring back as you fretted over him.

“Rafe, can you please get my first aid kit out of my bathroom?”

Your tone was thick with emotion, and Rafe stared at him for a few more moments before his gaze landed on you.

“Of course, babe.”

You forced JJ to sit down while Rafe disappeared, and you frantically blinked, trying to keep your tears at bay.

“What did-?”

“It’s nothing,” he hurried to say, throwing you a tense smile. “Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”

You tilted your head at him, eyes sad before gently pushing his shirt up. JJ hissed, throwing his head back as you gasped, fingers hovering over the nasty cut along his abdomen. It burned like hell, but it was worth having you near, smelling you and hearing you worry over him. As you inspected the cut, he straightened, unable to take his eyes off of you.

The concern on your face made his shoulders ease, and JJ swallowed, drinking you in. With your gaze focused on wiping off the blood, JJ couldn’t stop himself from reaching up. His fingers grazed your hair, and his lips parted, softly exhaling as he studied the sight of it against his skin. He’d almost forgotten about Rafe entirely…until he looked up.

Your boyfriend was at the start of the hallway, just behind you and carrying the first aid kit. Only, his blue eyes weren’t on you. They were on JJ, narrowed and unreadable as he stared at him. JJ watched the way Rafe’s jaw clenched, and JJ licked his lips, slowly dropping his hand and leaning back.

“Thank you,” you said in relief, taking the kit from Rafe as he came near.

JJ could feel Rafe’s eyes on him, but he didn’t look up. He didn’t care about your boyfriend, too focused on the way you were patching him up. Your fingers were cool against his skin, brushing over him and making his stomach clench. His fingers tingled, and he thought to himself how much he wanted to touch you again.

His heart soared when you told Rafe he would be sleeping on the couch…and his lips twitched when Rafe pulled you down the hall.

“Rafe, you don’t understand, okay?” your voice carried even though you were trying to whisper. “Things at home aren’t good for him. It’s-it’s really bad.”

He didn’t hear Rafe’s response, but he heard you sigh.

“You saw him,” he heard you cry. “I can’t let him go back there.”

The rest of the conversation was hushed, but JJ didn’t care.

There was some part of him that realized how sick his actions were. It was a new low he didn’t even think was possible for himself, but the part that just wanted to be here with you outweighed it. JJ just wanted to see you and have you worry over him like you always did, and Rafe’s presence wasn’t going to stop that.

“Is Rafe mad?” he wondered when you brought him another pillow.

Your smile was comforting, but he saw right through it.

“No,” you lied with a shake of your head. “He’s just a little frustrated.”

“I’m sorry.”

He wasn’t, and you shrugged.

“He knows that I’m not just going to let you go back there,” you told him. “It’ll be fine.”

When you made to move away, he reached for you, hand on your wrist. Your gaze was inquiring as you looked at him, and JJ swiped his tongue along his lips. He swallowed, tracing his thumb along your skin.

“I’m going to be better,” he told you. “I promise.”

Your smile widened at that, his words genuinely lifting your mood. You thanked him, and when you wished him a goodnight, JJ almost didn’t let go.

It was in the early hours of the morning when he heard it.

It was faint, so faint he’d almost missed it, but the voice belonged to you, and that made his ears perk up. Your parents had the kind of jobs where they were either out late or out early, sometimes both. The rest of the house was quiet, early rays of sunlight poking through curtains and windows. When he sat up, JJ winced, almost regretting his drunken impulsive actions last night.

He’d almost thought he imagined it…then he heard it again.

You, out of breath…and moaning.

JJ’s feet had a mind of their own as they carried him down the hall. The closer he got to your room, the clearer the noises became. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, out of breath as it raced in his chest. He kept telling himself to walk away, leave, but he didn’t think he could even if he wanted to.

Your door wasn’t closed all the way, and JJ took that as a sign.

His first reaction was anger, a rage filling him that he’d never felt before. Rafe was on top of you, too preoccupied to notice JJ standing in the crack of the doorway, peering in. The other blond was pressing kisses to your throat, just as naked as you were and lost in the feel of pushing himself into you again and again.

JJ wanted to pull him off of you, maybe even punch him in the face…then his gaze fell to you.

…and all of his anger was gone.

All of his breath left him, heart skipping a beat and mouth falling open at the sight of you beneath Rafe. Your head was thrown back, eyes rolling towards the ceiling while you wrapped your arms around him. You looked so desperate, so shameless as you grabbed at him and did everything you could to pull yourself closer.

Your legs were wrapped around his waist, hips lifting to meet his thrust for thrust. The sounds that left you made JJ swallow, his skin heating up and pants tightening. Your skin was dewy with sweat, voice choked and strained while Rafe fucked you. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, obsessed with the way you looked as you begged Rafe to make you come.

JJ knew it was wrong. He shouldn’t be here, standing here and watching something so private, but he couldn’t leave. He was rooted in place by the sound of your moans, and the sight of your bare legs pulling him closer. You looked nothing like yourself…and everything like he knew you to be all at once.

You giggled the same way you did when Pope told a joke. You smiled in that soft way you always did when you thanked Kie for something. That desperation in you was the same desperation he’d always see whenever you were determined to snake a wave from John B. The excitement on your face was reminiscent of how excited you’d be to hang out with JJ.

…but there was something else in you that shocked him completely.

The way you dragged your nails over Rafe’s skin, leaving red marks in some places. The seductive laugh that left you when Rafe hissed, pressing your teeth into your lip. You were begging him to fuck you harder, to make you come.

“Baby, please,” you sighed into his mouth, gasping when he snapped his hips against yours.

JJ didn’t quite know what he was feeling in that moment.

He was angry at Rafe for doing what boyfriends do, for doing what he’d done so many times, just wishing that it wasn’t with you. He was entranced, completely lost in the sight of what you looked like in a setting he’d never taken the time to imagine you in before. He was hot, overwhelmingly hot and turned on and the hardest he’d ever been in his life. It was hard to separate all of his feelings as he watched you and Rafe in your bedroom, but one stood out above the rest.

You were kissing Rafe and opening your legs for him and moaning for him…and JJ wished that it were him instead.

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Tagged by @daffi-990 and @devirnis for several sentence Sunday! So maybe I just started one last wip before the year ends…. I was thinking of ways I could give Buck a kid and hear me out… there’s some event at the station where a group home comes to visit and Buck hits it off with this little girl who’s like 6 or 7 who’s throwing a tantrum at first but he just pays attention to her and works out what she’s needing in this moment that’s making her upset and they end up hanging out the whole time and one of the people in charge of the kids is like you’re really good with her but I suppose that makes sense, she was rescued by firefighters when she was a baby you know! And it turns out she was the baby they cut from the pipe who eventually ended up in the foster care system. And Buck feels all kinds of ways about that! Guilty for how much of an idiot he was back then, sad for the mom and the kid, not sure he should be the person to step into this situation when he was there for the messy start of it. He eventually does move to foster though and of course he and Eddie are falling in love in the background of all this. Anyway, here’s the two of them talking about those mixed feelings!

Buck scrubs a hand over his face and then stays there for a minute, safe in the warm dark of his palm. “I don’t know, it feels conceited, right? I thought I knew everything, back then. I was so mad, when, really, she was just a kid, Eds. She was terrified and hurting and- and ashamed, and I don’t- it doesn’t feel good, to know that it didn’t work out. This isn’t a- it’s not some fucking I told you so, I don’t want people thinking I… That I think I know better, or that I’d just do this because I feel guilty in some way. I’m… it’s sad. I’m sad. I wish she’d had support and understanding from the people in her life. I wish this kid never had to be alone.”

Eddie is quiet, but the heat of his arm doesn’t move any further from Buck’s. “Does any of that matter?” He eventually asks.

“What?” It’s enough to get Buck to stop hiding, to look at his friend.

Eddie’s got a contemplative little furrow between his brows. “I mean… It matters. It’s good to examine the reasons why you’re thinking about doing this. But…” he looks back into the loft, eyes following someone inside for a moment. “I know you. I know that if you take this kid in you will do anything for her, to make sure she has a happy, healthy, safe life.” He shrugs, and then looks Buck in the eye. “The circumstances are- messy, I guess. But there is a kid, and she is alone, and I know that’s eating at you.”

Tagging @rewritetheending @malewifediaz @colonoscopys @lover-of-mine @jeeyuns @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @shitouttabuck @ anyone else who has one last scrap to share in 2023!

[everlasting-rainfall]

Can you please do Crocodile for the Pages au??

Ok so just like Doflamingo, I’m not the best at writing a romantic Crocodile and I know why but they’re reasons that I won’t be disclosing to anyone that isn’t a close friend of mine

Regardless I’ll be doing my absolute best with this but I apologize if this isn’t all that good in the end

!-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT-!

!-POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS-!

Stalking, Delusions, Broken Bones, Kidnapping, Implied Brainwashing

!-POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS-!

!-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT-!

—————————————————————- So Crocodile in the Pages AU, I can personally imagine that Crocodile is the type to sit down and read a book if he doesn’t have anything else to do and although he doesn’t have any particular favorite genres

That changes when he gets his hands on the first book of your series, he usually isn’t a fan of getting into book series but let’s say that he wasn’t aware of it being part of a series like it was gifted to him as one book from someone or the seller didn’t think to tell him

Proceed to Crocodile reading the book and just like everyone else, he manages to find it somewhat interesting as the author has written it pretty well

He reads it over a while and personally I can imagine that Crocodile might not actually manage to connect to one of the characters in the story so he’s just enjoying the books although his favorite character is the MC

Upon finding out that the book is in a series after reaching the end, he’s somewhat annoyed as he unintentionally got sucked into the story of a book series and he never wanted to get into a series as he doesn’t want to have his mind occupied with yet another thing

But alas, he has and he finds himself seeking out the other books in the series which he continues to read when he has nothing else to do however soon enough he even finds himself wanting to read the series when he so much as has a few minutes to spare

As Crocodile reads these stories, he would find the MC becoming his overwhelming favorite character and there are little to no illustrations of them in the story so that’s a bit disappointing to him until you included a picture of yourself at the very end of a story to go alongside your message to the readers

He knows deep down that it isn’t what the MC looks like more than likely but something in him just can’t help but imagine the MC looking like that and it doesn’t help if you were wearing an outfit similar to one you described the MC as wearing

This man still won’t delude himself into thinking that he’s a character from the story but he can however delude himself into thinking that you might be the MC from the story and you know how people fall in love with fictional characters? Yeah, he’s falling in love

And when you’re in the middle of writing the last book in the series, let’s say that you’re on a trip somewhere to relax a bit after writing so much

You might run into an intimidating but somewhat friendly acting stranger who keeps messing up your name and referring to you as the character from your book, it’s creepy but it seems easy to get away from this man as you simply walk away after you’ve finished talking

Certainly was weird, wasn’t it? But although you continue on your way, you can’t help but feel like you’re being watched everywhere that you go like the only place that you don’t feel like you’re being watched is the bathroom and you can’t stay in there forever

So eventually at the end of the day, you just return to your room at whatever establishment you find yourself staying at currently and finally the feeling of being watched stops allowing you to wind down with a shower, maybe some reading, and overall self care before bed

As soon as you wake up though, say goodbye to life as you know it as you’re in a room that looks lovely but it’s also more terrifying than lovely because you’ve never been here before

And after a while of looking for a potential way out or something to clue you in on where you are, the locked door that you tried earlier opens up and in walks Crocodile who looks at you

He has a twisted smile on his face and you recognize him as the man from the trip that you ran into, he’s kidnapped you and was likely the person to be following you all that time

He’ll tell you good morning and welcome you home amongst other things all while referring to you with the name of the MC from your book

Welcome to your new reality, Crocodile is your loving husband and you’re the MC from the book

You can try to fight and try to run away all you want but that’s not going to work now, he’s going to catch you with little to no issue and drag you right back to his home potentially breaking one of your legs to make it harder for you to run

I wouldn’t recommend not responding to the name of the MC either as one way or another, Crocodile will force you to respond to it

Even if it means making you just as deluded as he is

[ereardon]

Come Back [Chapter 10][Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x OC]

Summary: Eight years ago, Bradley Bradshaw was just a college boyfriend who broke your heart. Now, he’s back in your life after a coincidental reunion, and he’s adamant about starting up a friendship. Will it be possible to be just friends with Bradley, or is he inevitably going to end up ruining everything you’ve spent the better part of a decade rebuilding?

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x OC [Nurse Maggie Brooms]

WC: 1.8K

Warnings: Cursing, angst, mention of death

Series masterlist

The second letter was dropped off at the hospital, along with a to-go salad and a bag of salt and vinegar chips, your favorite. You were embarrassed to admit how quickly you rushed off to the lounge to tear it open. 

Bradley’s previous letter had left you in tears. 

Hey Mags. In the last letter I said I’d start from the beginning. But I missed a few days, so let’s backtrack. 

The night we fought. 

It haunts me. I’ve never felt more awful than I did walking out of your apartment that night. Maybe when you told me about the baby, or the day my mother died. But seeing you hurt like that? It tore me apart. 

I knew the moment I saw you that night on the floor that I had changed the course of our entire lives. 

I knew it the moment that other girl pressed her hand on my thigh at the party. The moment I let everything we had dreamed of slip away. 

It was a mistake, Maggie, and I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I didn’t even do it because I wanted her. How could anyone be better than you, more beautiful than you, smarter than you? I think I did it because somewhere deep down, I was terrified. I was scared that somewhere along the way, I would disappoint you. Even if I was trying to be the man you needed me to be, I would disappoint you. And I was afraid of how much it would hurt to know that I wasn’t enough for you, even when I gave it my all. So maybe I let myself be tempted because I knew that it was an easier way out than living with the unbearable knowledge that no matter how hard I tried, I would never be good enough for you. 

It was a surefire way to confirm that I didn’t deserve you without spending years waiting for the hammer to drop. And that was selfish of me.

I’ve regretted it every day since. You gave me absolutely everything and so much more than I even realized at the time. And I tore it all down in a matter of minutes. 

What would have happened if I had never made that mistake? If you and I had stayed together after graduation? 

Do you ever wonder about the life we would have had together?

I do. All the time. I think we’d live here, in my parent’s house. You’d get really into gardening and making vegetable soup as soon as the temperature dipped below seventy degrees. I’d stop by the farmer’s market in the mornings after our night watch to buy you pastries and coffee, and wake you up on lazy Saturday mornings in bed with breakfast on a tray. I think we would have been happy. It would have been hard, no doubt about that. We were so young and so naive. But God, Mags, the way I loved you. It could have been enough. 

You rebuilt me from the ground up. It wasn’t just that you were the first person to tell me you loved me outside of my parents. You spent the time to see me for who I was, anticipate my needs without me ever having to say them. I’ll never know a love like that again. I was lucky to have had you for a moment let alone three years. 

There’s no amount of ‘I’m sorry’ that will fix the damage I’ve done. No amount of groveling or gifts. All I can do is tell you that I’ll spend forever trying to buy back your faith in me, Maggie. I don’t have my eye on anyone else. I don’t care about anyone else. It is, and always will be, you. 

Love, 

Bradley 

***

You set the letter down and wiped away a tear. 

After your shift, you had driven home and pulled it out of your bag to re-read it. Bradley’s handwriting had improved significantly since college. 

It seems a lot of parts of him had changed since that night. 

He was no longer the fraternity guy who had broken your heart. You had spent eight years thinking he walked out with no regard for how you felt. The fact that you never heard from him again had torn you apart. If it hadn’t been for the pregnancy and the visit to the ER you might never have recovered. Meeting Joan, going to nursing school, those events had given you a purpose. 

Without them, you might never have been able to get over the heartbreak of watching Bradley walk out that door. 

So a part of you welcomed the knowledge that it hadn’t been easy for him to walk away. There was even a whisper of comfort knowing that he had been outside that night. The timing didn’t line up. It never had for the two of you. You were too young and too in love and now you were older, but different people. He was a stranger to you.

So why did you still ache for him? 

***

Dear Mags,

I never told you much about my parents, and you were too considerate to break that boundary and ask. You still don’t know why I joined the Navy or became an aviator. When you knew me, I was just a stupid kid who was getting a degree but had no real plans for the future. I don’t know what you saw in me, to be honest. 

I know what I saw in you, though. Fire. Ambition. Drive. All of the things I wanted for myself. You shaped me without ever realizing it.  

After graduation I came home. I did the only thing that felt like an option, I went to Officer Candidate School in Pensacola. It’s essentially a few months where they train you, treat you like a pledge, and when you’re done you’re an officer. 

My father was an aviator. He died in service, from an issue ejecting from a jet, when I was three years old. 

Following in his footsteps was the only future I had with you out of the picture. It’s dangerous, I’m not going to lie to you. There have been several times I thought I might not come home from this. But it’s OK because there’s never been someone at home waiting for me to come back. I don’t have a wife or a son who would mourn me. 

You were the first person I could see a future with, Maggie. You were the only person who made me feel the way I know my parents felt about each other. 

With you out of the picture, I wasn’t afraid to put my life at risk. What did I have to live for, really? 

So I joined the Navy. And the very first time I got in the cockpit of a jet I knew it was the right choice. Some people find their passion early in life. I was twenty three. And I still remember how the air felt on my skin as I climbed the ladder into the cockpit. The way the sun hit me through the glass top. It was the most natural thing in the world, sitting there. 

I think if we had stayed together, I wouldn’t have done it. I wouldn’t have been able to stomach the idea of being in the Navy and flying the way we fly knowing you were at home, waiting on me. 

That’s perhaps the only fringe benefit of that night. 

That’s how I ended up here. North Island is home to me. I can’t believe you ended up here, too. Fate, Mags. Or chance. Luck. Coincidence. Whatever it is, I’m thankful. 

Talk to you tomorrow. 

Love, 

Bradley 

***

Dear Bradley,

I haven’t written a letter in I don’t know how long. Years, definitely. 

I hate to say that your first letter made me cry. Even after everything, I didn’t want you to be alone at graduation. I’m glad you had friends around, but it still hurts. You were so easy to love, Bradley. In that sense, you were never alone. 

Would you hate me if you knew that I never once thought you regretted it? I thought you simply walked out of my life with no regard for me or the future we had built up in our minds. Maybe thinking so little of you was the only way I could get through the pain of it all. 

I love vegetable soup by the way, with really crusty bread and a shit ton of butter. But I have a black thumb so I’ll have to forgo the garden. I bought a tomato plant once, put it outside. Waited all damn season and one half ass tomato grew. When I went to pick it, after days of careful watching, I found out a squirrel had beat me to it. It’s been farmer’s markets and Whole Foods for me ever since. 

I'm sorry about your dad. But it all makes sense now. Why you don’t talk about them. Why you went into the Navy. All of that pain that you push down, Brad, it eats you away. You shouldn’t be so afraid to say it outloud. Let them live on in your memories. They’re a part of you. 

We were young. We were stupid and naive and all of the things you have to be to fall in love at nineteen and think that it’ll last forever. 

That doesn’t mean I would have grown out of my love for you, Bradley. If you hadn’t done what you did, if you had never left, who’s to say we wouldn’t have made it? Who’s to say we wouldn’t have been able to work past it all. I think you underestimate how much I fucking loved you. You’re right. I wanted to build you up and make you mine and create a home for you. You deserved that. You deserved to know what it was like to be loved by someone. Wholly. Unconditionally. 

You’re right, Bradley. You have a piece of my heart. You’ve had it for years. I think we’ve both been walking around a little broken all this time. 

Here’s the thing. I think we need to get past it. Because a part of me doesn’t regret what happened. If you hadn’t cheated, you never would have left. I never would have gone to the hospital alone or met Joan or decided to go into nursing. You wouldn’t have joined the Navy. Neither of us would be the people we are today if we hadn’t split apart that night. 

Sometimes people leave, Bradley, but sometimes people stay. 

We made our way together once. 

Who’s to say we can’t make our way back to each other? 

Love, 

Maggie 

Tag list: @abaker74 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @luckyladycreator2 @marantha @tayrae515 @xoxabs88xox @mak-32 @bradshawsbitch @lilianashomaresparza

[gillianthecat]

The New Employee - episode 5

Gah this EPISODE!! 🥰😍🥰 Here are my thoughts during and after watching:

Excellent, we're getting right into the mystery of the terrifying pen.

Omg the second hand embarrassment in this college flashback makes me curl up and hide. Also, I assume it's less obvious in Korean that Seung Hyun thought they were talking about a gift for him, because otherwise Yoo Seong is being deliberately cruel, not just self-centered and obvious, and I don't think he's supposed to be.

This is a legit explanation for why Seung Hyun freaked out though. I also would runaway if I saw something that was both evidence that my new person once dated my toxic crush and a reminder of one of my saddest and most embarrassing memories.

Lee Beom with the wise advice once again! And it sounds like Seong Hyun isn't mad at Jong Chan for this, just freaked out and stuck about how to talk about it.

These two have really good friendship chemistry. Which actors don't always manage to make clearly distinct from romantic chemistry, but these two do.

Oh Jong Chan. I mean I get it. Everyone is freaking out here. But Seong Hyun is trying to be open and vulnerable with you. You don't need to get defensive and go on the attack now.

Something about this fight and break up feels very adult to me. I mean, Jong Chan is being immature and leaping to conclusions and breaking up because he doesn’t understand Seung Hyun and he’s scared to try. But it feels like adult immaturity somehow, rather than youngness.

Oh god, Seung Hyun is having the worst week. All this heartache from the past pops up out of nowhere, your boss dumps you just as your trying to do the adult thing and talk about it, and then on top of it you keep fucking up at work and everyone is getting on your case about it. Including your he’s-not-actually-your-ex-because-he-ended-things-before-it-even-got-to-that-point. Oh man, I ache for him.

Jong Chan is in pain too, and I sympathize with him having spent the last day confused about the sudden withdrawal of the man he’s falling for, right after sleeping together for the first time. And when he finally explains why, it makes it sound like he’s still hung up on someone else. But I’m also mad at Jong Chan for not even trying to listen. Probably because it strikes a nerve—memories of trying to explain my complicated emotions to various ex-boyfriends and them freaking out about it, not listening to what I was actually saying and instead making up a story in their head about what my emotions were based on what scared them the most. Which was very frustrating.

And at first I was surprised that Jong Chan went there so quickly. I had expected more understanding from him, more willingness to work. But then his monologue to his cat made sense of it for me: "I don’t like emotional quarrels." Look, I’m not sure what of this the show is putting in there intentionally, and what is me making up complexity for a stock "cold boss seme" archetype, but I think this might be the first time when he’s faced with the complexity of who Seung Hyun actually is, rather than the sweet new kid who hero-worships him.

And although Jong Chan has been in many relationships, I wouldn’t be surprised if he never actually put the work into them, but rather ended things, or more likely retreated into his career when the emotions got hard and his boyfriends wanted things from him. That memory scene in the previous episode made it sound like non of his exes had understood his values and his love of his job, and maybe that’s all it is, but his line about hating quarreling makes me think there is more to it than that, that he in fact hasn't cared enough about anyone to actually face scary emotions. Except that now he does with Seung Hyun.

Anyway, I did like his desperately stoic face whenever he had to see or hear about or talk to Seung Hyun. And the way he grabbed his wrist and positively yanked him into the elevator to finally confront him in the storage closet. (It's not making out in a supply closet, but I'm still happy about it. Although it does make the camera angles weird and distorts their faces.) And the way he kept drinking more and more at the work party while his eyes kept tracking Seung Hyun frantically trying to be a good intern and take care of all his seniors. It seems very reminiscent of Japanese BL, although maybe its just that that's where most of the office romances I've seen are from.

And then! Jong Chan apparently couldn't stand it anymore and then goes after him. I loved his line (I'm paraphrasing) "I don't understand your feelings, and I know I'm supposed to or supposed to lie and say I do, but I just don't. But I want to." It's just so... gah! This was the moment (and their subsequent hug and giddy walk back to the work party) that turned this episode from 'some nice stuff happening' to 🥰😍! for me. It felt so honest and vulnerable and true to the character. He doesn't understand the complexity of people's emotions. But Seung Hyun makes him want to understand him.

It was also this line that made me willing to handwave the rest of the conversations they need to be having. Yes, yes, there are only eight short episodes, so we need to wrap everything up soon. But I believe, behind the scenes, they are talking about the hard stuff. Jong Chan is someone who if he says he's going to do something he does it. And I think he does want to see Seung Hyun for who he actually is.

I also have thoughts about seme/uke dynamics in this show and Seung Hyun's... passivity? Or not that exactly, but his very uke role of following Jong Chan's lead and not initiating much of anything, be it kisses, romantic gestures or difficult conversations, himself. But a) I'm not exactly sure what my thoughts are yet, and b) this is already very long and I should get on with my day.

Although this conversation gave me some insight into what was going on--the show's very traditional manga roots nestled alongside the grown-up queer story the director wants to tell, create some oddities like this, where despite his insecurities and inexperience, Seung Hyun doesn't seem like he'd be as passive as he is, but the structure of the story kind of requires him to be, so there is some dissonance there. And it also creates this thing were I'm not sure if I'm reading too much complexity into the characters and their backstories, or if it's really there.

But anyway. Their giddiness and joy at un-breaking up! Seung Hyun can't stop smiling! The relief on Jong Chan's face. That hug, they way they held each other so tightly. Their silly little argument over carrying the bags and who would enter first. 🥰

And the queerness of this show, in showing both the fun things and the glimpses of being queer in a homophobic world. The way they spring apart from their embrace when someone walks by, and their relief when he reassures them with a "cute." And the whole extremely queer you-used-to-be-in-unrequited-love-with-my-ex-boyfriend.

(Speaking of the ex-boyfriend, I still want to know more about Yoo Seong. Including who he's in love with. OOOOOHHH. I just had a thought. Second season about him? Is that what they're setting us up for with all these dropped hints?!? That would make me so happy. I don't know anything about the source material, so I don't know if this is a realistic hope or just a daydream. But if this was an English language romance novel, it absolutely would be setting us up for a second Yoo Seong book. The ridiculously attractive mysterious "rake" who hurts both of the main characters, sweeping through their lives seemingly unaware. Who seems to have fallen for some unknown person. Come on producers, give it to us.)

Ok, back to our main couple. The sweetness of their texting from opposite sides of the corporate sleepover! Their promises to communicate and stick around when things got hard. Jong Chan sneaking over just to sit next to Seung Hyun as he falls asleep. And this is all the sweeter for me, because I feel like their giddy happiness means something now.

[stiffyck]

I haven’t even watched tcd, I didn’t even know it was a thing until I started hearing about it from you and now I’m thinking about it so hard.

I keep thinking about the whole “would scar hurt cleo thing” (hi that anon was me) and how far would that actually pushed. Cleo thinks it’s just one of those quirks the hermits have the first couple of times Scar snipes her out of the blue, maybe a prank she wasn’t aware of. Then one time Scar is closer when he fires and she doesn’t miss the way his face looks, cold and calculated with zero remorse, like an entirely different person and she doesn’t forget it.

The next few times it happens, she pays more attention to where he is. When she finds him on top of a room from a good 50 blocks away, she realizes just how good of a shot he is. He’s precise, and doesn’t hesitate, which is odd for the guy she sees a death message for at least once a day over something as small as tripping into a cavern.

Scar doesn’t ever say sorry. There was never a chest for her stuff. He’s gone without a trace by the time she gets back, the only indicator ever being the repeated ZombieCleo was shot by GoodTimesWithScar lighting up the chat, sometimes in intervals of two or three deaths in a row.

Joe asks her one day “Who’s winning?” and she asks him “to what?” “That game you and Scar are playing.” She stares at him for a good minute before quickly bidding Joe a goodbye and rushing off in the direction of Scar’s base.

She thinks she probably should have expected getting nailed in the face with an arrow (again) after knocking on the door. Either way, she comes back, her items on Scar’s living room floor. For once, he’s there, staring at the items with this look on his face that she can’t decipher. She snaps at him (arguably, a little more mean than she meant) detailing the last month and a half of arrows slung at her. And to her surprise, he just starts bawling.

He was too embarrassed about the repeated hits on her to show himself afterwords, but always stuck around to make sure none of her things despawned. He was too embarrassed that he was afraid of her, a friend, whenever she got within his field of view. He was terrified he would be asked to leave if anyone else found out what he was doing wasnt for fun. It was deliberate. And to his surprise, Cleo instead offered nothing but comfort and understanding.

Every once and awhile, even after he eventually got comfortable enough to share why he had been doing it all, she still hears the whistle of an arrow and a death message from Scar (more so when he donned that “Hotguy” thing). Cleo finds she doesn’t mind it as much. Especially when Scar is there picking up her stuff with a lopsided smile she recognizes, a slight shake to his hands, and an apology on his lips. Scar finds, for the first time since he was a teen, that he doesn’t mind a zombie’s touch.

THIS GOT WAY LONGER THAN I MEANT IT TO I AM SO SO SORRY.

OHHH MY GODDD I LOVE THIS SM

[lampmanliveblogs]

The last that ever you saw me, (carried away by a moonlight shadow) I was reacting to this terrifying image of Philip slowly beginning to take control of the Titan’s corpse. As in, the ENTIRETY OF THE BOILING ISLES ITSELF! The stakes have never been higher, literally! The draining spell would’ve only affected witches, but this? If Philip can get the entire Titan moving, he’ll be able to wipe out all life on the Isles.

So, uh… things are not looking too good right now.

As sickly green light reaches into the Archive House, we see in the archive itself, the Amity puppet tapping its fingers on the ground. It seems the brief lucidity inside the nightmare was enough for Amity to gain even the slightest control over herself in the real world, just enough to scratch the light glyph into the floor.

And it’s only fitting, is it not? That Amity gets to be saved from being a puppet to another person by the light. Just like it was largely thanks to Luz’ interference that Amity was able to grow into a nicer person and shake off the control of her mother; no longer an obedient abomination, no longer a puppet on strings.

It worked! Amity’s back in the game!

And it only makes sense for the last episode to have a bunch of background or minor characters make cameos, so let’s go over all of these puppets, Starting off, we’ve got five Coven Heads in the background of this shot: Hettie Cutburn of the Healing Coven, Mason of the Contruction Coven, Osran of the Oracle Coven, Adrian Graye Vernworth of the Illusion Coven, and Vitimir of the Potion Coven. The guy in the top left is a teacher at Hexside, and I think the two in the lower right might also be teachers…?

(in a repeat, zoomed out shot from the same angle, we can also see Steve, formerly of the Emperor’s Coven and my little sister’s favorite character. As well as… two demons I recognize but can’t place. I think the one with the yellow hat might be a teacher as well? And the one with the horns maybe made an appearance during the Bonesborough Brawl…?)

((Future Lampman here: something Past Lampman noticed but forgot to point out is that the other kids get turned back to normal… somehow. Maybe the light from the orb Amity summoned was enough to wake them too… I guess? Even though it seemed to be drifting upward and away…)

Here we have, as Amity points out, Miss Lilith Clawthorne, formerly of the Emperor’s Coven, currently of the Bad Girl Historian Coven, as well as the Covens Against the Throne… an organization that’s kind lost its purpose now, because I’m pretty sure Philip consumed his throne alongside the castle.

We also have… Amelia and Cat, I think? Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s Amelia and Cat. I could look it up and be sure, but where’d be the challenge in that? I think it’s the green-haired one that’s Amelia and the other one’s Cat? It’s either that or the other way around.

In a shot that breaks continuity, we see the Steve puppet hanging next to Bill and this lunch lady looking witch.

And just to double check, I went back and wouldn’t you know it, there’s a second continuity break: when Amity wakes up, we can see the demon with the yellow hat and the demon with big horns in the background, but no Steve. Cut to Lilith, Amelia, and Cat, cut back, BOOM! Suddenly Steve’s there. Then cut to this shot, and here he is, hanging out with Bill and Lunch Lady. Who did backgrounds for this scene, Fifi Forget-me-not???

And WOW, there’s a throwback. Anyone else used to watch Fifi and the Flowertots back in the day?

…

N-no…?

And to complete the Rule of Three, here’s a third inconsistent shot. Though this a little better, because we could see Principal Bump and the Oracle Teacher were placed in the alcove above Lilith, Amelia, and Cat in a previous shot as well, and they’re still there. Let’s just ignore the presence of of that broad-shouldered fella next to the demon in the yellow hat who was not there before.

And here we have Camila Noceda herself. She’s awesome enough to get her own alcove.

You can really tell The Collector’s a child, because their archiving sucks. Never mind how some puppets seems to be teleporting around every few seconds, but there’s not even any order to how the puppets that don’t move around spontaneously are sorted! Height, color, name, power level, there’s nothing. Some seem to be grouped by affiliation, except there’s other random people strewn about and it just makes no sense!

Maybe that’s why the puppets keep moving, the sorting spell of this archive is desperately trying to figure out where everyone’s supposed to go.

[rxin3akamallory]

That Night

I keep pumping out art like it’s no tomorrow good god!

Ok so y’all need context for this one, this is based on a short story I wrote I wanna say a year or two ago focusing around the day Barley and Maria became a couple. Maria’s mother passed away when she was young, and today was the anniversary of her death. It’s unfortunate that that day happened to also be her mom’s birthday. The whole day Maria was going through different emotions, but was determined to keep them bottled to herself. At least until she got home. Barley unintentionally makes her crack and in the drawing, he arrives inside Maria’s home. He’s come to apologize for not being sensitive towards her feelings and not giving her enough space.

An excerpt from the short I wrote is provided below. It’s ehhh tbh but still probably one of my best written work within the last year or two.

Barley: Is it ok if I come in, or?

Maria: Oh! Right, I’m sorry.

Maria led him inside. Barley sat on her bed while Maria went back to work on her broomstick.

Barley: Hey, you’re making a new broomstick.

Maria: Yeah I finally got the motivation to work on a new one.

Barley: I remember what happened to the first one. You were so devastated. You acted almost Iike how you were today.

Maria: Yeah, I almost didn’t want to replace it. That broomstick meant so much to me.

Barley: I saw a name carved onto the broomstick. Elizabeth Morven. Are they a family member of your’s?

Maria: That’s uh.. my mother’s name.

Barley: Oh. Did she give it to you?

Maria: Mhm. She made that broomstick for me so I could have it when I’d set off for witch training.

Barley: That’s right. It’s what witches used to do when they were the age of 13. They’d set off on a year’s training to strengthen their magic. You were able to actually go into training?

Maria: Yes, I know other witches stopped doing that decades ago, but my family believed in keeping older traditions alive so they insisted I’d go train. My mom especially wanted to see me go. But.. she passed away before she could see that happen.

Barely: I’m so sorry, Maria.

Maria: I was trying to hold back my emotions because tonight’s the night she passed away.

Barley’s eyes widened. He knew she lost her mother when she was young, like how Barley lost his father, but he never knew how she passed away. She never really talks about it to anyone. He wanted to know what happened but at the same time, he didn’t want to press on in case he’d hurt her again.

Barley: Oh. You don’t have to talk about it, but I know what that feels like. You feel like you have to keep strong for the one you lost. You want them to be proud of the person you’ve become, you know? So you try to bottle in your emotions.

Maria: Mhm. You see this bracelet?

Maria held up her wrist so Barley could see the purple bracelet she was wearing.

Maria: The night my mother passed away, was also her birthday. My father gave mom a new bracelet as a present. As she took off her old bracelet, she handed it to me.

Maria held up her left wrist and showed the exact bracelet her mom gave her.

Maria: I wear it everyday ever since. So I can always keep her close…

Maria started to tear up, Barley instinctively gripping her hand.

Barley: I’m so sorry for your loss, Maria.

Maria: She made me feel safe and secure as a kid, and to lose her so suddenly terrified me. I lost that secure feeling. I worry everyday the same thing could happen to someone else, to my friends, to you, to grandma, to dad.. To me..

Barley hugged Maria as tight as he could.

Barley: Shh, Maria no. Don’t think like that.

He let her cry into his shoulder for a few moments until her sobs turned into small breaths.

Barley: What did you get her?

Maria: Hm?

Barley: Your mom’s birthday. Did you give her anything?

Maria: Hold on.

Maria lets go of Barley and opens a drawer on her desk. She takes out two large rings meant to be wrapped around the end of a broomstick.

Maria: I wanted to give her one to put on her broomstick and one to put on my future one when I got older. I might put mine on my new broomstick, but I don’t know where to put my mother’s.

Barley thought about it for a moment until he got an idea.

Barley: You got any string on you?

Maria: Yeah why?

Barley: You’ll see. Here, hand me the ring.

Maria hands the ring along with some rope. Barley carefully puts the string in the ring and ties the ends together, making it into a necklace. He motioned Maria to turn around and when she did he slipped the necklace around her neck.

Barley: There, now your mother’s right where she always was.

Barley points to her heart where the ring was.

Maria: It’s perfect. Thank you, Bar.

Barley: And you shouldn’t feel unsafe, Maria. You still got your father and grandma, your friends, and you got me. You shouldn’t worry about what’ll probably happen to us, you should be more focused on right now. And right now, from this day forward, I want to make sure you feel safe so I promise to protect you like your mother did. With your permission that is.

Maria smiled, new tears falling down her cheeks.

Maria: Of course. I can’t think of anyone better to fill that role.

[lyon-amore]

The half of me Chapter 27

Chapter 26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel a chill all over my body and cold sweat, along with the feeling that everything in my stomach is churning and rising up. It makes me want to cough, and then gag.    "Hey, calm down" I listen next to me and he passes me a bucket where I throw up the vomit “. I am here, I help you.”     I don't know exactly what I throw, since I have nothing in my stomach, but I vomit. Then he passes me a wet cloth to clean my face.

   “Where I am?” I ask dizzy. I feel like my head is being drilled. Did I drink that much last night?    "At Mike's mother's apartment." I realize it's Jake next to me when I turn to see him. I'm so bad that I didn't even realize who he was.    "Slow down, you speak very fast.     I rest my elbows on my knees, bringing my hands to my head. It's like a steamroller ran over me. Then I remember what happened last night. I bring my hand to my mouth, trying to erase the kisses I gave last night. I'm hating myself for what I did.    “MC, stop it” Jake stops me, grabbing my wrist “, you are hurting yourself.”     I look into his eyes and see that he looks at me with concern and love. But I'm scared to death of what happened yesterday. Because a part of me felt good not thinking about any problems, just having fun like never before. I hug him hiding my face, ashamed, sorry. I start by crying because I don't want to feel that way again if it's not with him. It… It terrifies me to think that I need to feel happy like that again.    “I'm sorry! I'm sorry!” I yell, grabbing onto him tightly "I don't know what happened! I don't understand… I don't understand!” my nerves return and Jake separates me a bit, to look at my face again “I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to kiss anyone, I swear-“    "Alright, calm down" He runs a hand over my face, caressing it “. I know it was not you last night, I could see it in your eyes.”    "I don't need nice words right now.” I reply, wiping my tears away with my sleeve. I realize I'm wearing a rather large sweatshirt. It must be his.    "It is not nice words" he examines me and sighs “. It seems you are fine" he smiles, stroking me carefully again “. Listen, last night I do not think it was the drink that you were like this for.”     I shake my head. It has to be the alcohol. I had only one glass and a sip of another, but I didn't finish it. I remember something else. How his leg parted mine, brushing against me. Again annoyed, I rub my legs crying and Jake stops me.    “Enough-“    “No!” I answer yelling "I'm not fine! Last night I did- Don't look at me! I don't want you to look at me!” I take the blanket and cover myself so he doesn't see me. I don't want him to.     I'm not talking like a little girl, I'm talking like someone really scared. They did with me what they wanted and I left myself. I'm a stupid. I know nothing else happened, but... I feel him hug me from outside the blanket, stroking me where my head should be. I tremble to think that I am the worst person there is and that I betrayed his trust.    “Maybe you should go to a hospital to get checked out.” he says with a worried sigh.    “I just kiss with some guys” I reply very slowly “. When I realized what was happening, I got nervous, but then” I stick my head out from under the blanket, looking at him “, then, after hitting the guy on the street, I felt good again, remembering that feeling of… I shake my head, even more embarrassed, "I don't want to feel it again, it's... I don't want to, Jake, please, don't make me talk about it anymore, I don't want to remember it, you should hate me because I cheated on you.”    “But what are you saying?” He caresses my cheek with a compassionate look "It was not you. Listen to me and don't get upset by what I'm going to tell you, okay?” I nod trying to calm down even though I'm going through the worst moment in the world “MC, last night...” He pauses, taking a deep breath. It's like he doesn't want to tell me, but he must know something “I think they drugged you.”     It's like my whole body has taken another hit. My head hammers faster and faster after hearing those words, who could do it? If I was watching- No, wait… Ralph brought me a drink, but for just one sip? I grip the blanket tightly, feeling disgusted with myself, but also angry for trusting him. I rest my head on his chest, not stopping crying.    "I want to go home, Jake…" I say between a sea of ​​tears "I don't want to be here anymore… I don't want to remember…"     Jake hugs me and gently strokes my back, like he's going to break me.    "I will make sure you come back" he pauses, kissing my head ", do not worry, I will make sure you are safe."     I nod as I let him pamper me even though I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to be treated well after cheating on him.

After calming down a bit, I go to the bathroom and decide to take a shower, rubbing my skin hard. I know that nothing happened, but the simple fact that it could have happened. The attitude last night… I want to forget it. It was not me. This is what I repeat to myself over and over again. I don't want to feel like this again, please brain, don't make me remember. But I do have to confront Ralph about what happened, demand an explanation, find out if it was him or… Grace's mother? She was the one who made the drinks. But why would she drug me? What would she get with it? I get out of the shower, leaving no part of my body wet. At least my skin feels soft and not clammy from sweating so much. I dress again in Grace's dress and then the sweatshirt, these being the only clothes I can wear, my clothes are at Grace's parents' house. I pick up my phone from the sink and read the messages and missed calls Grace sent me last night. I wonder if she knows what her boyfriend did last night. Although she was also dancing with two boys and Ralph didn't care, maybe because she was just dancing? She seemed fine. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grace MC, where are you? I’ve been trying to locate you all the time I thought after dancing a bit we were going to ask Daliah's acquaintances if they knew what happened to her Talk to me please, I’m worried Hey, it’s been an hour, where are you? Tell me please MC, seriously, I’m getting worried, have you come back home? I just wanted to have fun with you… I hope nothing bad happened to you too 🙁 I’m going to take your clothes to the academy, meet me there, okay? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I put my phone in the pocket of my sweatshirt and leave the bathroom, heading to the small dining room, where Jake is with Daliah's computer. I sit in one of the chairs and rest my head on the table, hoping that if I have it on a flat surface, it will stop hurting.    "Did the shower do you good?" Jake asks me, taking my hand, caressing it affectionately.    “Yes, but seeing Grace's messages, I have remembered everything again…”    "I know you do not want to talk about it" I turn my head to look at him, leaning on my cheek. I see that he looks at me quite seriously "but I think it is important that you do it.”    “I don't want to-“    “MC, your sister had the same experience that she did not want to remember what happened here again” He reminds me and I get up “, maybe what you have been through is the same thing she went through.”     I hug myself, trying to at least remember the less traumatic details. I look at my wrist and see Grace's bracelet.    “Grace invited me to her mom's place, so we went over to her house to get ready” I try to start at the beginning “. Then we went to the club and she introduced me to her.”    “What is she called?”    "I… I don't know" I frown thoughtfully “. I don't remember her telling me... But I can ask her when I go to Rosenschwarz" I see him nod and shake my head, trying to ease the pain a bit “. She gave us a few drinks and… Then we went to a table to drink… I remember that I already began to find myself strange, but I have never had alcohol, except if it is a sip at important parties...”     Jake nods, paying attention to me. The truth is that I have never had a full drink, last night was the only exception I made, thinking that nothing was wrong because I was with a friend.    “Grace wanted us to go to the dance floor, but I didn't want to leave my drink unattended so Ralph showed up and offered to watch the drinks.”    “Did you notice if he put something in the drink?”    "No, I..." I swallow nervously "I already found myself strange on the dance floor and..." I avoid looking at his face. I'm not proud of what happened “I felt good, I had fun... I danced with a boy who... I'm sorry... We kissed...”     I pause, bringing my hand to my mouth, remembering how happy I was. Jake takes my hand, kissing it. I would like to smile at that gesture, but I can't. I don't deserve it.    "Jake, please... I don't want to continue." I say with a broken voice.    "Alright." he approaches me with the chair and hugs me.     I close my eyes trying to calm myself with Jake's breathing. Right now I don't want to think about what happened last night, because I know I'll have to think about it again when I talk to Ralph.    “I found a journal file on Daliah” I hear Jake say and I look up at him seriously “. Apparently, it was an entry from when she was sixteen” I direct my eyes to the screen, getting up “. Daliah kept here not only everything that happened to her these months, but also what happened throughout her life.”    “Which means she might have written about what happened in Colville.” I say slowly, reading Daliah's journal entry.    “Possibly, if she wrote it all down” he pauses, taking a breath. I look at him and see how he looks at the screen concentrated “, maybe she also told what happened.”     I look down remembering the words of Grace and Daliah. What if I discover that behindthose jokes they really know that they know each other?    “Did you ever get to know Daliah?” I ask him nervously and he looks at me confused, frowning “Forget it, it's a stupid question.”     I hear the sound of a floppy smile and he pulls me in, kissing my forehead.    "Even if I had met her, I would never have been interested in her" he smiles at me, caressing my cheek ". I only have eyes for you, love." I sigh and snuggle into him, trusting his words.     So, according to the file, Daliah wanted me to come with her to Colville. But something must have happened around that time too for her not to want me to come. If it's a good thing or a bad thing, let's hope she wrote it in her diary to find out if like with Hannah, the past affects the present.

I decide to wear Jake's sweatshirt while we drive to the station in his sidecar. I don't want anyone to see me in the dress I'm wearing, it makes me uncomfortable enough for everyone to look at me. I keep my eyes on the screen, watching when the last train leaves. I play with the pendant Grace hands me between my fingers, waiting for Jake.    "That is it" he hands me the ticket and I take it, I had told him I was buying it, but he insisted so much that in the end I let him do it “. I have been told it will not be long in coming.”    "I've already seen it." I point to the screen and he laugh "Are you leaving yet?"    "No, I will stay with you waiting." he takes my hand affectionately and I give him a small smile.     We sit on a bench and I rest my head on his shoulder. One of the things he hasn't done yet is kiss me and I wonder, maybe he's angry about what I've done? Maybe that's why he hasn't tried because the toothbrush he bought me was brought to him along with everything else, so I guess he was hoping to have me here with him sometime, so I don't think it's from the vomit because I brushed my teeth, maybe I think too much? Or is it that he really doesn't want to kiss someone like me now? I squeeze my hand annoyed with myself, wanting to erase those traces of kisses that they have left me. I bring my hand to my mouth again, thinking that's what it is. I feel dirty.    "If you keep going like this, I do not think I can kiss you anymore, you will hurt your lips." he says in a calm tone, taking my hand away.    "You haven't kissed me yet." I reply, sad to think that it's all my fault.     I see how he looks at me and takes my hand, kissing the knuckles.    "I did not want you to feel uncomfortable after what you have been through” he gently pushes my hair away and I notice my eyes wanting to shed tears “. It did not seem right to me after seeing how nervous you were.”     I let out charged air in my chest, smiling at him affectionately. It can't be that I've been so lucky to find someone who cares for me like this.    "But..." I look away, knowing what I'm going to say "When Elliot kissed me, you kissed me to erase his kisses..."     He brings his hand to my chin and makes me look at him. Slowly, he brings his lips to mine, kissing me very slowly. He was right, when he kisses me, I remember last night and I pull away, feeling uncomfortable.    “I'm sorry…”    "I want you to be well, MC" he tells me, caressing my face carefully “. You have had a bad night, the least I want is for you to relive something that is still too recent” I nod and he kisses my nose “. When you feel better, I will give you all the kisses you want, alright? It is a promise.”     My heart races and I nod again, smiling at his promise. The train arrives at the station and we get up. He doesn't let go of my hand yet. Before getting on the train, he kisses me on the forehead, nose and cheeks, and then smiles at me. A smile that relieves me to see.    “Text me when you get here, alright?” He tells me worried.    "I'll do it." I hug him, trying to keep the smell of his shampoo, which is the same one I've used. I take a part of him with me to Rosenschwarz and not only the sweatshirt, but also the scent of him.     I feel safe noticing him near me. As I get on the train, I pull out my cell phone to text Grace. I have to ask if she is alright. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC Sorry for not answering, I was sleeping at a friend’s house Right now I’m going to Rosenschwarz

-----Grace has connected-----

Grace MC! I thought something had happened to you! The police are crazy! Even Elliot is here asking us about you! Wait… A “friend”? 😏 

MC One question, were you okay last night?

Grace Of course Why you ask?

MC I think that No, I do not think so Ralph slipped something into my drink I had to call a friend because he wasn’t feeling well

Grace Ralph? Get you drugged? Well, I know he has his moments to get high, but he wouldn’t do that to others Are you sure?

MC He took care of our drinks, who else was it going to be?

Grace Hmm… I could ask him

MC The fact that? ‘Ralph, did you drug my friend?’ He won’t tell you because he’s your boyfriend

Grace ? What?

MC Leave it to me I want to talk to him about what happened last night

Grace And what happened?

MC I I’ll tell you when I talk to him This is something private for the moment between him and me

Grace Okay then But hint that it was him? Please MC, you know how he is

MC No, I don’t know I don't know anything about him So I want to do it

Grace Whatever you want We will all be in the same classroom

MC OK I’ll go straight to put my clothes on

Grace Clear See ya 👋

-----Grace has disconnected----- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   “Well done” Daliah tells me, looking proud at me “, it's time for you to stand up and ask him what he actually did.”    “Will he tell me?” I ask doubtfully.    “We’ll have to at least try, right?”     True, if I don't try, I will never be able to get this doubt out of my head, why did he do it, is it because of Daliah? Why did he think she had an affair with his father? And when she died, he takes it out on me, for being her twin, someone to direct his anger at. Well, I'm not going to let him use me as a punching bag, I'm not the person he has to get angry with.

Arriving in Rosenschwarz and sending a message to Jake, I change my way from home to going to the academy. It may be a long way to wear heels, but at least that way I can make a mental speech about what I want to say to him during the walk. Should I go in aggressive or go easy? I don't want others to find out either, I'm ashamed if they know what I did last night, it would be horrible and they would think badly of me. But don't some already do it? Thinking that I killed Daliah? I hate that they can think of that. Besides, I’m not alone. I have Jake’s sweatshirt with me, I’m accompanied. I’ll be fine.

I enter the academy and with quick steps, I look for the room. I go in opening the door almost knocking it down because of my nerves and there I see them all, planning the next recording.    “Good morning, MC.” Carter greets me, waving.    “Hello, MC.” Grace greets me cheerfully.    “Good morning.” I reply, calming myself down now.     I approach Ralph at the back of the room, this time with his camera in hand instead of looking high. I move in front of him, but he doesn't seem to be paying attention to me, so I clear my throat, to get his attention. He looks up and nods.    “What’s up?” He asks me calmly.    “Can we talk in private?” I ask, clutching the bag tightly.     He shrugs and nods, getting up from his chair.   “Okay, let’s go.”     I follow him and notice that everyone looks at us before leaving. I’m sure wondering why we’re leaving together. We go out to the garden area and I see that he takes out a small box from him pants, where he takes out a joint. I look at him biting the inside of my cheek, uncomfortable.    “What?” He asks me “I need one.”    “It’s serious that I want to tell you” I say in a slightly firm tone “, could you not talk to me when you’re high?”     He raises his eyebrows and puts the joint back. I take a breath and try to calm down.    “I want to talk about what happened last night.” I say quickly, not wanting to waste time.    “What happened last night?” He asks me totally calm.     I don’t know if he was joking or if he was high before and the effect is happening now, but I can’t believe he actually asked me.    "Last night, you and me" I look around, uncomfortable that someone overheard us”, we kissed, remember?     Ralph laughs, then runs his hand across his forehead, massaging his temples.    “MC, that didn’t happen” his voice sounds convincing from his words “, I didn’t kiss you.”    “Of course!” I exclaim annoyed “I remember it perfectly, what's more, I'm almost sure that you drugged me to do it.”    “Okay, hold on for a moment there” He waves his hand to stop me and I start to get annoyed “. You say I did it to kiss you, but MC, I didn't do any of that.”    “Yes, you did it!" I can't believe he's denying it, knowing that he was the one who started it "You brought me a glass and you sure poured something.”    “Are you listening to yourself?” He points to himself almost embarrassed “You say that I drugged you and kissed you, why would I do it? You don’t interest me.”    “You don't need an interest involved to do it.”     He rolls his eyes, looking at me with exasperation, are him serious?    "What I remember is that you got drunk and I told you to leave" he answers, slowly approaching me, while I'm pulling back, afraid ", and that's what you did, you left."     Why do he lie? If that’s what happened, I remember it perfectly. I press my lips into a thin line, keeping my composure. I can’t let him get away with it. I take a step forward, trying not to be intimidated.    “I know perfectly well what happened!” I yell, clenching my fists “You drugged me and took advantage of me! You kissed me!”     He hits the tree next to me and I see that it starts to bleed. I look at him surprised, he doesn’t seem to care, what’s more, he doesn’t even seem to have noticed.    "Being twins, do you both have to be unbearable?" He says through his teeth, approaching my face “Can't you be different?”    “Why do you say that?” I try not to show my fear, but my legs are shaking just thinking that he could hurt me.    "I'll tell you a secret" he holds up his ring finger, making the silence gesture ", I never liked Daliah, nobody in this place liked her, maybe Seo-ah did, but everyone in this academy hated her"He approaches my face, almost close to my lips. I start to tremble remembering last night “and now, I'm hating you at the same level as her” he smiles, letting out a small laugh “Why would I kiss someone I hate?”     I look away, uncomfortable. So… did I get drunk? With just a glass? But I would swear that what happened was real. Are he playing me? He separates slowly from me, with the same look that I saw last night. Some dark eyes. Of a… demon. He starts to walk away, but I'm not happy with the result.    "I'll tell Grace you kissed me!" I scream going for him, grabbing him by the wrist. He looks at me without moving a single facial muscle “I'll tell her that you've cheated on her, that you've kissed and drugged me.”     He leans in again, approaching me, but more than my lips, he goes for my ear. whispering    "Tell it, no one is going to believe you" I freeze when I hear him speak. It's very cold, almost like ice “, because it didn't happen.”     He looks down at the pendant and lets out a laugh. A pretty cool one. I let go of his hand, feeling small by his side. He walks away and I manage to take a deep breath, as if the air around me had disappeared for a few seconds. I run my hand over my mouth, feeling uncomfortable about what happened. I want to forget it, but I can't. It is something that has remained engraved in my mind due to the fear of having felt helpless.

I return back to the living room, determined to speak with Grace. She has to know what kind of guy she's dating. She might even put herself in danger! I see the group examining the recorded scenes on the screen, talking about the lighting effects or what music to play. I locate Grace sitting tending and I approach her. In order not to bother again, I sit next to her and she looks at me with a smile.    “Where have you gone with Ralph?” She, she whispers to me, without taking her eyes off the screen "By the way, here are your clothes" she turns around, picking up a backpack “. My parents' maid washed your clothes-“    "I've talked to him about what happened last night," I speak softly, not wanting anyone to overhear “. Grace, I don't think you'd do well to go out with him.”    “Why do you say that?”    “He drugged me” she lets out a sigh, exaggerated “and he kissed me-“    "You kissed a guy last night, but it wasn't Ralph" she says with a laugh ", were you so drunk that you don't even remember who you kissed with?"    "But it's-"     She takes my hand and gives me friendly pats. Her face tells me that she doesn't really believe me, like I'm making it all up. I do what I always do, bow my head unable to have achieved anything. It's true, I've kissed someone before, but do I really deserve this treatment? That no one believes me? I know Jake believes I was drugged because he saw it. Although I omitted to tell him about Ralph because that's when I know that I overdid it in the desire I felt at that moment, in the ecstasy of happiness. Again I feel disgusting.    "MC, it was the first time you got drunk, it's okay" She tells me with a compassionate voice ", it even happened to Daliah on her first drunk-“    "You said she didn't want me to go to Colville" I cut her off angrily, removing her hand. Elliott, Grace… Everyone seems to want to have my confidence based on affection and I'm tired of it. All I notice is that it's fake. And I don't want that “. But she want to.”    "At first yes" She admits, crossing her arms over the table ", but you know how she was, in the end everything caught her attention” she shrugs, without giving it importance “, the anonymity, the lively people, the parties in a big way... It was a whole place for her or that's what she thought” I look away, annoyed. I know it hurts to know all this “, but it's normal that she would like to have her space” She places a hand on my shoulder and I look at her, hurt “. Don’t take it personal.”     I nod knowing that part of it was real. She wanted to get out of here, but the lack of money for a apartment in the city made it almost impossible. I also know that we wouldn't be in the same place together, but at least, I didn't want her to be dead either. It's now that she owes me so many explanations, that now it is impossible to ask her for them.    “By the way, I don't know your mom's name yet.” I ask changing the subject, remembering that Jake wanted to know.    “Irma Roth” she answers without much encouragement “. Yes, I have her last name.”    “Why?” I frown, curious.    “Do you really think they would treat me normal if they know I’m the daughter of a great businessman?” She lets out a laugh, directing a quick glance at the screen “I would hate it.”    “I recognized him in the photo, but I don't remember his name now-“    "Better" she writes notes in her notebook, I see that they are ideas for the film", it's not worth naming him."     A strange shiver runs down my spine, as if something was warning me. Her voice sounded quite annoyed when she named her father. Perhaps what unites Grace and Ralph is hatred for their parents, which is why they can understand each other well.    "Can I ask you a question now?" she asks as she writes, then looks me square in the eye, curious "How did you know Daliah wanted to take you to Colville?"     I've only told Jane that I own Daliah's computer, but after these events of Grace not believing me when I told her what happened with Ralph, I don't think it's a good idea.    "She just told me," I shrug, carelessly, "but then she forgot...”    "Oh, I see…" She gestures casually and returns to paying attention.     I take a deep breath after lying to her like that. It is the first time that I don't tell her something as important as that I access the tracks thanks to my sister's computer, I don't know why I did it, but my instinct tells me something: Don’t trust someone who does not believe in your words.

I leave the bathroom after changing my clothes, putting the dress and heels in my backpack. As I make my way to the classroom to return it to Grace, I find Elliot walking right up to me. My anger returns when I see him, remembering what Jake told me, that it was his fault that the FBI came after him.    "They told me you were here," he says, putting his arms on his hips “. So… You were in Colville.”    "Yes" I respond curtly to him now ". what's wrong? Does it seem so weird?"    "No, it's just because we were looking for you." he answers annoyed.     I head for the door, placing my hand on the knob. Elliot places his hand in mine and I push it away.    "Don't touch me!" I yell furiously "Do it again and I swear I won't answer for myself!"    "Okay, I'm still." He raises his hands in surrender.     I move closer to him, not at all delighted to see him.    "I know it was you" I say, clenching my fists ", you told the FBI where Jake was a year ago. Why did you do it?!"     He looks at me surprised that I know. He pinches the bridge of his nose, keeping his gaze serious enough that I don't get mad at him. Late.    "So his name is Jake" I blanch when I realize that I accidentally said his name. Shit. All because I'm mad at him ". The movement was about a criminal wanted by the government” I hug myself, feeling stupid “. I told you; he is not someone to be trusted."     I deny listening to him. He doesn't know him. He doesn't know what he's done for me all night and this morning.    "You believed what Daliah told you just because she was your girlfriend" I answer harshly ", she tells you that I'm in danger and your trust with her blinds you."    “I did it because I cared about you."    "Well, to have asked me how he was! Or isn't MY opinion important?"    “A civilian's opinion on how to deal with a criminal's matter is not important."     Incredible. For some things I'm the MC he's in love with, for others I'm a citizen in trouble and he thinks he's doing the right thing without even asking me. I open the door a little and that's when he speaks again.    "You've been in contact with him again, haven't you?" As I know he'll find out if I look at his face, I avoid doing it "MC, you don't know who you're messing with-"    "Is there anything known about Daliah's phone?" I ask to change the subject. I know how all this will end, in a vicious cycle in which everyone wants to instill fear in me about what will happen if I am with Jake and again, they will convince me again. Because they know I'm weak.     I think… It's what he uses to keep me by his side, the fear of what could happen to me. He really knows how to use words against me. He knows me well.    “We haven't found anything suspicious” he finally answers after a long pause ". All the messages from the night of her death are there, all except" he stares at me "yours"    "But you saw my messages."    "Yes, but the murderer doesn't know this" he looks at me as if he wanted to keep the secret between us ", everything that's happening with you" he takes a breath, trying to calm down. He looks like he's nervous ". It's like they want to drive you crazy."    "Well, they're getting it."    "And I won't allow it, we'll get it." He caresses my face and I pull my hand away from him, feeling uncomfortable. I can no longer continue with this type of dealings from people I don’t trust.     He looks at me surprised and I hold my gaze. I'm not going to let him treat me like I'm special to him anymore. It's over.    "Well" he nods and I notice that he is now angry with me for rejecting him ", I'll continue with the investigation then" He turns around and I hear him say something else to me ". But the hunt against Jake is not over, I intend to do what my father failed to achieve."     I have to be careful, I'm sure he's going to do everything possible to want to locate him through me, to get me away from him. And not because of his work. I sigh tired, situations keep happening that are stressing me at the same level as Hannah's investigation. I must be careful.

As I walk into the classroom, I see Grace and Ralph talking animatedly. I think Grace is the only person I've ever seen talk to Ralph like that. The worst thing is that I have to get closer... I try to go calmly, to leave the backpack on the table.    “Here you go, your dress” I say, avoiding looking at Ralph “, and I've also put away the necklace and bracelet you gave me."    "Why? They were for you.” she says with a sad voice.     I hear Ralph chuckle when Grace says that, as if he found it funny.    “I know, but… It's not my style. See you tomorrow then." I turn to leave.     I walk away and they stop me. Turning around, I see it's Jane.    "What happened today?" She asks me concerned "I couldn't help that something happened with Grace and Ralph."    "Nothing, but I'd rather go home now" I answer awkwardly "I haven't had a good night."    "But is everything okay?"     I bite the inside of my cheek, nodding.    “Yeah” I say, though I shake my head. Of course I'm not fine ". That the couple enjoy the day" I point to Grace and Ralph in a sneaky way, turning around leaving the class    "Couple?" Jane follows me down the hall, although I would like to be alone right now, I don't want to be rude and yell at her to leave me alone "Why do you say they're a couple?"    "Well, because they are" I answer, sounding too tired to continue ". Why else they get along so well? They also hug each other and make flirty jokes."    "MC, Ralph and Grace aren't a couple or make flirty jokes" I keep walking, wanting to stop the conversation ". They are siblings."     I stop and look at her between surprise and confusion. Grace and Ralph are siblings?

*Jake POV*

As soon as the train left, I returned to the apartments to start working on them. At least it is worth doing to stay in a place to live for a while.

I get a message from MC saying that she has arrived safely in Rosenschwarz. It relieves me a little at least to know that she is okay, but... I try to concentrate while fixing some loose plugs in an apartment, but I lose concentration thinking about MC and what has happened. She should have listened to me and gone to the hospital in case the drug was still in her body. What was she thinking? But I am an idiot too, I should have forced her to go. All because I do not want to be seen.    "Shit!" I scream as I electrocute myself with a damaged cable.     I can see MC's face in my head having a hard time and cannot do anything but wait for her to get over it. Up all night, helping her not to choke on her own vomit, keeping her from hurting herself by rubbing against her skin, wanting to erase whatever happened. If I were in front of the person who did that to her, I don't think I would be able to respond well. And it does not bother me that I could not kiss her, it bothers me that she cannot lead a peaceful life since Daliah died.    "I promise you, MC" I murmur, raising my hands to my head, powerless for not having been able to do more to want to help her ", I promise you that everything will end soon."    "Is MC the girl at night?" I hear Rudy behind me, with a drink in her hand "I brought you this so you can freshen up a bit" she leaves it on the table and sits down "How was she?"     I do not know how to talk to her about this, just remembering the bad time I have given MC to remembering what happened just to find out who could have been doing that, makes me feel like an idiot.    “Not very well” I finally answer, taking the other chair ". Nothing has been going well in her life for a long time" I take a breath and turn the can around, although I do not even look at it ". Sometimes I think I brought her bad luck and I do not even believe in those things."    “No every relationship is easy” Rudy tells me, getting up from his chair with a sigh ". But from what I saw last night, I don't think you bring her bad luck" she gives me a squeeze on my shoulder, and smiles at me ", your concern for her was honorable and even more so when she said you didn't want to have sex with her."     I frown a little annoyed. It is the most sensible thing in those moments to do nothing. And I would never take advantage of her like that. Rudy laughs and slaps me on the back, surprising me.    “I know, you're one of the good guys” she says as she walks away ". I guess that's why you're friends with my Mike."     She leaves me alone in it and I start to think about what I must be doing now. If it was not for Elliot, I surely would have gone with her. I hope she is ok and text me soon. I need to know how she is.

Time passes and when half of the floors are finished, after taking a shower I decide to send her a message, if she does not answer, I will go look for her. I no longer trust anything that happens around her. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nym-0s Hello MC, how are you?

-----MC has connected-----

MC Hello Jake I was sleeping a little after everything that happened...

Nym-0s What happened to you? Have you felt any side effects?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I see that she writes and erases. I wait for her to say something, but she remains completely silent. It is like when we meet again. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nym-0s MC?

MC He has denied it

Nym-0s Who denied the what?

MC Ralph He has denied everything that happened last night

Nym-0s Did he do something to you?

MC He… Things got a little... Sorry, it's hard for me to say...

Nym-0s Was it the other boy who kissed you?

MC Yeah… Well we kissed... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sigh imagining the scene. MC, in a state that could not be controlled because they drugged her and Ralph, taking advantage of her state. I squeeze my hand until it hurts. I would love to be able to have him in front of me to punch him.    "Calm down, Jake," I tell myself, trying to calm down". You cannot be nervous if she already is." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nym-0s I understand.

MC No, you don't understand! I didn't want to! I SWEAR!

Nym-0s MC, I know you did not want to. You did not want anything that happened last night. We have already discussed it.

MC I'm so angry Today everything has been horrible Ralph told me it didn't happen, when I vividly remember the feeling of Anyway, he tells me that I was drunk and that he just told me to leave for that reason Then there's Grace, she doesn't believe me! I told her that he drugged me and she doesn't believe me!

Nym-0s Why does she not do it? She clearly is your friend, she would have to trust you.

MC Because there is a great reason to do it And it's that Ralph is her brother...

Nym-0s Her brother?

MC Jane has been telling me that Grace and Ralph are siblings, but that Ralph decided to get rid of any family ties to him when he turned eighteen, changing his last name Or at least, that is what they have told I guess since I didn't mix with the group, I didn't know.

Nym-0s I guess he had his reasons.

MC But it's strange Grace took her mother's last name, why didn't Ralph do it too?

Nym-0s Well, we know that he has problems with his father. Although we should not focus on the last names either, but on what he did to you. You should notify the police about what happened.

MC I'll tell Officer Lang At the moment I prefer to avoid Elliot

Nym-0s What happens with Elliott?

MC He already suspects that I have contacted you If I tell him this, who knows if he'll think it could have been you He wants you to be arrested that he would invent anything

Nym-0s He is not going to give up.

MC No, I think not At least, if not...

Nym-0s If you do not date him

MC It's awful… All day today is being horrible I wish you were back in Evergreed to see you again...

Nym-0s Unfortunately, Evergreed is crossed off my list of places to hide in a good season. I am so sorry for what has happened to you here in Colville.

MC It was my choice With Grace excited to head off to the nightclub, I forgot to let you know I practically had in mind all the hatred towards Daliah and Elliot…

Nym-0s But you did not know what was going to happen. Ralph took advantage of your trust in him.

MC Yeah… Something else, Jake Daliah's phone The messages I received on her pjone were deleted, but they forgot to give the option that mine were also deleted

Nym-0s Pretty stupid mistake on the killer's part.

MC Yeah, because their plan was to make me look like the crazy sister that murdered her sister But they got them to show more evidence about the time of death.

Nym-0s Which means alibis should not be valid now for the last person who saw Daliah.

MC TRUE! They must now investigate it!

Nym-0s And there is also good news from me. Mike's program is at 50%.

MC So fast?!

Nym-0s He works fast when we are not bothering him.

MC Great then 😄

Nym-0s :) Soon you will have Daliah's computer. As soon as it is fixed, I'll return it to you.

MC Oh…

Nym-0s Was not it what you wanted?

MC Yes it was It's just… It saddens me to know that it means that our investigation is over That you will go then

Nym-0s That was when I was in Evergreed, because of the danger of proximity. But I will never leave the chat. I will always be here.

MC That makes me happy… ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hear the sound of the new file unlocked and I get up from the bed, picking up the shirt that I left on the chair. I sit at the table and watch the next clue. It does not take me long to put the call command so MC does not go through this alone.    "What's wrong Jake?" She asks me worried "why are you calling now?"    "It is something we should not talk about over text" I say as I quickly hand her the last entry found ". You should read it accompanied."    "Okay."     I start on my own and MC does it out loud. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Entrance #####

I remember over and over again what happened and now things are mixed up. I'm afraid of what might happen to me, I feel like I've investigated something I shouldn't. Yes, because I deserve it, but why? What did I do? An innocent smile, little hands. The little eyes shine with emotion when I see him prepare for the big march. How many people are there in the room? What I did yesterday? Who did I kiss or did something else?

Wait, I'm mixing events, the Colville thing is really my fault for trusting, all this time... The boy smiles happy to see me in the cage... No, girl... I...

Why do I remember the events of that time now and find them confusing? What made me remember it? Was it that horse? Yes, I'm sure I saw it. He was very beautiful ''Do you like it too?'' Is what they said ''It was from mom''. I remember holding it in my hands, they let me touch it. He made me calm down.

Maybe that's why they scare me now, because it was an innocent gesture to fall into the trap that I was safe in that little cage.

Chapter 28

[deadlyleomidget]

Hi there! Could you write a reader insert story where Miyuki comforts and encourages the reader after an intense shoulder surgery? I was thinking reader-san to be a star softball player who she got in a collision in a big game and has to get surgery to try and fix it. I imagine reader-san would have a lot of anxiety and doubts about going to back to play once her sling is off.

Hi there anon! Thanks for the request. I apologize for the delay and I hope you enjoy reading it. Have a Happy New Year! 

“The surgery was a success, y/n-san,” the doctor said with an encouraging smile. “If you rest and follow all of my instructions your shoulder will heal nicely. However, I’m not going to lie. It’s not going to be an easy road since you have to start physical therapy. But I’m confident that after that you’ll be able to play softball just like you wanted.”

You gave the doctor a small smile. “Thank you sensei,” you replied. “I’ll be sure to follow all of your instructions. 

Your parents thanked the doctor and quickly excused themselves, saying that they needed to meet with him to get detailed aftercare instructions. 

You just nodded with the same small smile plastered on your face. The corners of your lips were starting to hurt but that was nothing compared to the possibility of anyone discovering the truth. You just knew that nothing good would come out of saying it to anyone. They wouldn’t be able to understand. You were supposed to only feel grateful and nothing more. But the truth was that you were utterly terrified. You turned to look at your left shoulder which was bandaged with the string of the sling. 

‘If I go through the recovery process and physical therapy, am I going to be able to play softball?’ you asked yourself. Anxiety starts to course through your veins as all of the anecdotes that you’ve heard and read about other athletes getting injured and not being able to play again. And if they do, they never go back to being the same kind of player. 

‘Is that going to be my fate once the sling comes off?’ You just had surgery so you knew that a small part of you was definitely overthinking this. First, you had to rest and let your shoulder heal from the surgery, But you couldn’t help it. You’ve been always the type of person who rushed into action without thinking about anything else. Kinda like another fellow southpaw that she was great friends with. Sawamura Eijun. 

Fortunately, Sawamura had not gone through a physical injury as you had. But he did go through yips which a lot of people would argue it’s the worst. Since it’s something that ultimately only players themselves can overcome. He was strong enough to do it. 

‘Will I? Will be strong enough?’ Tears were forming in the corner of your eyes, threatening to fall. Softball was everything to you. It has been everything since you discovered the sport when you were just mere eight years old. You loved to pitch. There was nothing more exhilarating than getting on the mound. How life would be if you had to end up quitting the sport you love so much? 

‘Knock Knock,’ you heard a light tapping on the door. You quickly wiped your tears with your right hand. The last thing you needed was to someone see you cry. “Yes?” you replied timidly, craning your head to the side to see who it was. The door opens but instead of seeing someone, you’re met with a bouquet of blue irises. “How are you feeling, y/n-chan?” she heard a masculine voice ask as he moved the bouquet to the side to reveal his face. 

“Kazuya?” you asked in mild disbelief. Sure, you expected him to come to visit you since he was your boyfriend. But not this soon. “What are you doing here?” 

The catcher flashed you his signature smirk. “What? I can’t visit my girlfriend after she had surgery?” he replied with a question of  his own.

 He turned to go to the small bathroom that was in the room to fill up the vase that he already had. 

You snorted. “It’s not that,” you said. “I just wasn’t expecting you to come this soon. I thought you would come after practice,” you explained, following his every moment. He placed the vase on the nightstand next to you, before taking a seat. “Thank you. They are very beautiful.” 

This time around he shot you a sincere smile. “I’m glad you like them.” 

Your heart skipped a beat. Miyuki never ceased to cause that effect on you. Even when you were feeling at your lowest, his presence was always warming and comforting. However, that didn’t mean that you were ready for his visit. If he noticed that something was wrong with you then he would find a way to make you talk which you were not ready for. 

Aside from being insanely handsome and insufferable, he was also extremely good at reading other people.

‘Why did I have to pick a catcher as my boyfriend?’

“You didn’t answer my question,’ Miyuki pointed out, now in a more concerned tone. “Are you in pain?” he asked. 

“Oh sorry,” you averted your gaze, feeling flustered. “I’m not in pain. At least not yet. I’m still a bit groggy due to the anesthesia.” 

Miyuki nodded. “Should you be sleeping then?” 

You giggled while you playfully rolled your eyes. “I’m fine, mom.” 

The catcher grumbled. “That’s not a nice attitude, young lady,” he played along. 

You let out a small laugh. Your underlying anxiety was seeming to subside a bit. “Hai, Hai.” 

“You should get plenty of rest so you can recover soon,” Miyuki said without a trace of playfulness in his tone. “I mean it,” he added. 

“Will I?” you whispered, mainly to yourself. Your concerns were starting to bother you again. 

“What was that?” he asked. 

You shook your head in response, turning your head in the opposite direction so he can’t see you. You were starting to feel emotional again and didn’t want to risk crying in front of him. 

“Y/n-chan, are you okay?” Miyuki asked, worried. 

“Yes,” you replied without turning to look at him. 

“Y/n-chan,” he called out your name in a firmer tone. 

“No,” you shook your head with tears streaming down your face. “I’m not okay,” you break down. 

Miyuki didn’t say anything as he got up from the chair and sat next to you on the bed. He gently wrapped your arms around you, careful so he wouldn’t hurt you, and started stroking your hair. You desperately hugged him back and sobbed in his arms. 

“I’m scared, Kazuya,” you said in between sobs. “I know it’s silly but I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m not going to be ever be the same. That I’m not going to be able to pitch again,” you confessed your darkest fears. 

The catcher shook his head. “It’s not silly,” he said firmly. “It’s completely normal that you feel scared.” 

You looked up at him. “Really?” 

“Of course,” Miyuki said, wiping a tear away from the corner of your eye. “Every athlete that gets injured has that same fear,” he added in a matter- of- fact tone. “Especially you since pitchers are the most selfish players,” he said in jest. 

You pouted and rolled your eyes. “And you catchers are control freaks.” 

Miyuki let out a dry chuckle. “Maybe we are,” he half-admitted. “I was scared to y’know? When I got injured. Yes, I was being reckless and still played when I wasn’t supposed to, but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t scared. Even when the doctor said that it would just take a few weeks to recover. I was scared that the team was going to leave me behind.” 

You widened your eyes in shock. “Why didn’t you tell me that back then?” 

“Why didn’t you want to tell me how you were feeling just now?” he countered.

You bit your lip. “It’s not easy to talk about it.”

“No, it’s not,” he said in agreement. “Y/n you’re the strongest and most determined person I know. I believe in you and your strength. So I know that you’re going to do even the impossible so you can start playing again. You’re not going to give up,” he said with a gentle smile. 

You couldn’t help but smile back at him, feeling a warm fuzzy sensation all over you. Immediately feeling that his words were lifting up your spirits. You didn’t know how he did it, but he always knew what to say in the most difficult moments even with his awkward phase. 

“Thank you, Kazuya,” you said in gratitude. 

“You don’t have to thank me. I believe in you and I’ll be there for you every step of the way. Even when you don’t believe in yourself.” 

A single tear streams down your face. “Do you promise?” you asked, sticking out your pinky finger.

Miyuki wrapped his pinky finger around yours. “I promise.” 

You didn’t know what the future had in store for you during your recovery process and you knew that Miyuki couldn’t promise that everything was going to be alright. But knowing that he was  always going to be with you brought you the comfort and confidence you needed to face this challenge head-on.

[disorganizedkitten]

We'll Take Our World By Storm Chapter 4

Harry Potter | 2021 | 8,106 | Ao3 | Previous | Masterlist | Next

 I sincerely hope you’re happy now, because I’m going to take you North and back to the Department of Mysteries. I quite like it there, see, and the adults do matter in this story, so they have to get some screen time else I leave you terribly confused.

 So. Adrian Dunbar, Itzcalli Medina, and Isaac Devon spend three hours performing autopsies using both muggle and magical means, cross referencing with historic records and old case files, before Adrian and Itzcalli’s friend from the Veil pops her head in the room and glares at Isaac.

 He glares back. You’d never guess she terrifies him.

 “Calli.”

 “Hey Lyn,” Itzcalli says, looking up. She has ash smeared over one eyebrow and a spot of blood on her hair ribbon, but has otherwise managed to make it through without making a mess of herself. Her robes are a different story, but that can’t really be seen around their enchantments and color. Who knew grey hid stains so well? “Time to go?”

 “Yeah,” Lyn replies. “I figured we’d be late if I didn’t give you time to clean up.”

 Itzcalli snorts, but doesn’t deny it. Her response is the opposite. “Yeah, thanks.” Adrian looks at her sharply. Itzcalli catches the look and shrugs. She and Lyn have been friends since they were eleven, and they broke into two of the most secret rooms in Hogwarts together. If Itzcalli trusts anyone, it’s Lyn. There’s also the fact that Lyn has done many things throughout her life, and visit the faerie realm isn’t one of them, so though she has that mindset, she has nothing to back it up.

 “Shift isn’t over yet,” Isaac growls.

 The girls send him matching unimpressed looks. Adrian’s impressed by their sudden synchronization.

 Isaac rolls his eyes, but grudgingly allows it. “You’re dismissed too, Dunbar. I want you both back here at one-thirty.”

 Adrian doesn’t protest because it’s nearly an hour break, even taking out half an hour for travel, but he wants to just based on Isaac’s tone. Isaac may be good at his job - a whiz at chemical residues and potions, with steady hands and no squeamishness to be found - but Adrian grudgingly understands why Itzcalli and Lyn don’t like him.

 “Wanna walk with us?” Itzcalli offers before Adrian can shoot off a response.

 Adrian sends her a smile. “I’d love to.”

 They go back through the Death Chamber as Isaac vanishes into the Time Room. This time through, Adrian notices that the stone stadium isn’t as bare as he thought. “Is it safe to leave your research out like this?” he asks, stepping onto a bench to avoid a runic circle drawn in a mixture of dark red blood and glowing blue ink. Inside the circle is… something. It’s either a family tree or a map. Probably.

 Lyn shrugs, the motion hidden by her pulling the grey robe over her head. “I've been here for five years, and I'm the only one willing to spend extended amounts of time near the veil anymore." Her head comes back up, and her hair is even more of a mess. It writhes for a moment, before settling into staticy curls."Plus I've cursed most of the area. The last person who tried to steal my work is still a slug."

 “How long ago was that?” Adrian asks.

 Lyn hums, some high-pitched noise that manages to convey confusion without looking at him, as she’s dropping her robe on another bench. “I’m not sure? Before Pandora died, but not by much. Most of the curses were after Pan, cause no one was brave enough to try to kill me before that, but they did try to steal our work. So… a year and a half, give or take?” Lyn grimaces in Adrian’s general direction as she opens the door to the entryway. “Pan was my mentor, by the way.”

 Adrian follows her out of the Death Chamber, breathing deeply as the air is light again. “And it’s legal to leave them a slug that long?”

 Calli snorts. “Who’s gonna stop her? As far as most people are concerned, he probably did an experiment wrong and died in the middle. After all-” she opens another door, and steps out of the DoM for the first time in seven hours. She should sleep more. “-what happens in the Department of Mysteries stays in the Department of Mysteries.”

 “That doesn’t tell me if it’s legal,” Adrian says drily, following her out.

 Lyn stops just inside the door. “Yes, because we’re working on a counterspell and can’t turn him back until we make it. If we already had one we would need to turn him back within a month.”

 “Interesting.”

 Lyn steps over the threshold. “Yep. What about you? Any crazy things happening in the Muggle Departments?”

 “Generally, yeah.” Adrian admits. “But what was with the bodies older than all of us in there? Do they just- not get studied?”

 Itzcalli gasps, eyes glittering with excitement. “Oh my gosh! Say something specific!”

 “The spell we found dates back to the days of the Dark Lady Embla, who would steal biological components from her victims to commit identity, line, and general theft, along with trying to clone them after being inspired by the work of her cousin, Mary Shelley Nee Peverell?”

 Itzcalli’s eyes blew wide, and she cackled gleefully. “Whoa! You can talk about it!”

 “That is such a security breach,” Lyn says, wryly amused. She hits the button to call the lift.

 Adrian grins teasingly at her, leaning against the lift doors. “Imagine, having to keep classified information secret through self control.”

 “Such a challenge,” Lyn agrees delightedly, stepping back. “However do you do it?”

 He flicks his ponytail. “You know what they say- some people are just… magic.” They all break out laughing as the door opens, Adrian’s wonderful delivery overshadowed as he tips over and falls into the lift.

 Lyn offers a hand to help him up, still stifling laughter. “You okay?”

 Adrian grins, taking it. “I’ve taken worse tumbles down the stairs at home.” The group steps into the elevator. “So, you mentioned a mentor,” he points at Lyn, and then points to Calli instead. “Did you have a mentor?”

 “Yeah,” Itzcalli agrees. “Haven Rosier. He was head of my department for five years, two of which I was there for. He retired before my third year.”

 “Cool.”

 “Do muggles get cool mentors in their careers too?” Lyn asks.

 Adrian raises an eyebrow. “You’ve never been?” Black Family Eyes aside, she doesn't have the vibe of a pureblood, especially not the kind who treats everything nonmagical like the plague.

 “Not really. The muggle side of my family was dead before I was born, and Calli and I started here pretty much right out of school. There was no time." Lyn shrugs.

 "We don't even have a nonmagical liaison," Calli complains. "I sneak out and get supplies anyways, but keeping track of scientific developments is a chore.” She’s considering going to university, but seven years of magical-only schooling plus six just in the Department of Mysteries means she’s rather behind on most everything that would be on the college board test. Of course, once she starts studying again it won’t be so scary, but that’ll take a bit.

 “We do move rather fast.”

 Calli snorts. “Yeah, well, someone has to. You never answered, who was your mentor?”

 “I got to work with Kayla Mallard, during the last year of college, but I haven’t seen her since. She’s one of the best morticians in the world, it was wonderful.”

 “Mine was a blessing,” Lyn says with feeling. The lift door opens again and a redhead walks in. “Pandora Lovegood. She practically adopted me, probably saved my life. I started right out of Hogwarts, threw myself into work and forgot to go home a lot.”

 “Forgot. You just didn’t want to listen to Isiah talk.” Calli snorts, finger-quotes visible from her place leaning against the lift wall. There’s so much there to unpack, but we should have time later. “Hello, Weasley.”

 “Hello, Medina,” The newcomer says. "And who is this?"

 "Dunbar, Weasley, Weasley, Dunbar."

 “Yeah yeah,” Lyn rolls her eyes. “Morning, Weasley. Anyway, Pan guilted me into going home by staying until I left, taught me how to cook, and generally showed me what was what in the Department.”

 Adrian waved at Weasley, but kept talking to Lyn. “She sounds like my wife,” he said, amused. “A bit manipulative, but generally uses it to help our kids.”

 Lyn grins. “Yeah, they’d’ve gotten along.” Her eyes cut to something behind Adrian and she relaxes a bit more. “A lot, I’d say.”

 “Maybe in the next life,” Adrian offers.

 Lyn turns, her smile soft and knowing. “Yeah, probably.” She glances behind him again, to where Pandora is hanging out. Lyn is one of the few blessed to see… not the other side, per se, but the dead. Eventually she’ll learn how to show others, but that’s a little ways out.

 “Make sure he catches my full name,” Pandora says. She’s perched on the inner railing of the lift, and unlike ghosts (who also exist; has it been mentioned Death is really not all that much of an issue here? Well, I suppose it is, but not to anyone who matters) Pandora is not washed out into monochrome blue or white. No, her skin is the pale white over pink that comes from a caucasian without enough sunlight, her eyes are wide, blue, and uncommonly sharp, and her hair is a dirty blonde in some places and sun bleached in others. She stopped going outside as her end drew near.

 Lyn acknowledges her with a flicker of her eyes. “I still check in on her daughter sometimes.”

 “Is she Hogwarts age, yet?”

 “Not until next year,” Lyn says. “She’s a lot like her mum though, so I’m sure she’ll take them by storm.”

 “Little Luna Lovegood?” Weasley asks.

 “Yeah,” Lyn says, seeing her chance. “We’re talking about her mum, Pandora Peverell.”

 Adrian glances at her sharply, eyes wide. “Peverell?” He blinks, segwaying into another topic quickly. “Like the writer?”

 Pandora grins and winks. “And the Dark Lady. And- honestly, there’s been a lot of them,” Lyn agrees. “Generally end up doing something cool.”

 “Why did she keep her maiden name?”

 “It’s an inheritance thing,” Lyn shrugs. “Some families have magical gifts and only give their names to those who carry them. It’s a leftover from us nearly going extinct a couple centuries back; if two heirs marry and have seven kids, the children get the name of whichever parent’s gifts they carry.”

 “And if they don’t carry any?”

 Lyn shrugs. “I think back then they could pick, but nowadays so few families even have gifts, that they just keep whatever name they’d have without considering it.”

 “Interesting.” Adrian hums.

 “That’s all pureblood propaganda,” Weasley says huffily. “They use it as an excuse to marry off their kids to other purebloods. Look at the Gaunts! That family was so obsessed with keeping their talents of Parselspeak and seeing the dead that they inter-married cousins, and then siblings. The line died out a bit before I was born.”

 Lyn rolls her eyes. Behind them, Pandora does too.

 “If someone resurfaced from a squib line and had either of those talents, they could claim the name,” Itzcalli says, drawing the topic sideways a bit.

 “Oh? How do they prove it?”

 “Rituals,” Weasley says, looking sharply at the girls. “Which are illegal, may I remind you.”

 “Illegal outside of a controlled setting,” Lyn replies, not quite as sharp but close. “Which is generally either Gringotts or us.”

 “Lyn could claim the Black name, if she went through initiations and petitioned the Lord of the House.”

 “And that’s different ‘cause the house is alive?” The lift hits the Atrium.

 “Yes,” Calli answers Adrian. “Although it might be more complicated because the Lord of the House is in Azkaban. Uh, wizard prison.”

 “It’s a bad tradition,” Weasley says, shaking his head as the doors begin to open. “Be glad you don’t carry that name, Unspeakable.”

 Lyn rolls her eyes. Adrian feels offended as well. “I find the Black family to be rather good company,” he says cooly.

 “And your mum’s a Black, same as mine,” Lyn mutters as he walks away, glaring.

 “Sorry,” Calli says awkwardly. “Didn’t mean to get political.”

 Adrian shrugs, “It happens sometimes. We can talk more later?”

 “Sure.”

 Lyn hums amusedly. “I’m not claiming any magical bloodlines, but I do know a lot on the topic if you want to stop by after hours.”

 “I’d love that,” Adrian says honestly. “See you guys later.”

 “Bye,” Calli waves, pulling Lyn towards the floos. “I swear on your brother’s grave, if you stay any later than dinnertime I am going to riot.”

 “I’m not that bad,” Lyn whines, letting herself be dragged around.

 “Delphi Tamlyn,” Itzcalli drawls. “We both know you are.”

  Lyn sticks out her tongue.

 “How long are you here for?” Harry asks when he realizes the time. He needs to be getting home soon, but the idea of leaving Connor alone rankles.

 Connor turns, sand in his black hair and sticking to his clothes. He gets the feeling that this isn’t a question he wants to answer. “I- don’t know.” He can’t leave without Lily, and he doesn’t know how much longer she’s going to spend fighting Petunia.

 Harry makes a face. “I need to get Ian home,” he says softly.

 “Oh,” Connor says, getting what he means with a sharp ache.

 “Will you be okay?” Harry is concerned and he sounds it, reluctant to leave even as he murmurs to Ian to go find his shoes.

 “Yes,” Connor lies. This is more than he expected, and it hurts, this idea that it’ll end and tomorrow he could wake up to it having been a dream. “Mum has locator spells on everything.” Surprisingly, that’s something that makes Harry light up.

 “Lily came with you?” he asks with a lopsided little grin.

 “Yeah,” Connor agrees, brain happily catching on part of that sentence instead of the possibility of this not being real. Of course Harry knows their mother’s name, but it makes Connor’s stomach do something funny when he hears Harry call her by it. As a kid, that’s one of the oddest things a fellow child can do.

 “Oh.” Harry bends down when Ian returns, helping the kid put his shoes on. “..tell her hi, for me?” he asks, looking up at Connor unsurely.

 Connor nods quickly. “Absolutely. And-” he blinks, the thought returning again, despite hating it. He’s touched Harry a few times, and his skin wasn’t very warm. “You’re not dead, right?”

 “I’m not a ghost,” Harry says, as reassuring as he can be. Ian’s shoes are properly on, so he stands up again, holding Ian’s hand.

 Connor smiles. “Okay. Thank you.” For hanging out, for being alive, for being healthy. For talking with Connor. For coming over when he was crying.

 “Can I write you?” Harry asks, quick and impulsive. He needs to go home, Ian needs food and a nap but Harry doesn’t want to leave Connor, especially not when it’ll be a month until they see each other again. If it were just him, he’d text the adults and stay later, but Ian’s already worn himself out and Harry feels bad.

 Connor blinks at him. “Sure- yes! I’d love that,” He grins, a little sheepish but Harry thinks it mostly looks pleased.

 Harry smiles back. “And… I’ll see you at Hogwarts?”

 “Yes,” Connor agrees. “Absolutely. And maybe earlier? I could see about setting up a playdate?”

 “That would be great,” Harry says fervently.

 Harry still hasn’t left. “You need to go,” Connor reminds him.

 “I know,” Harry says. Ian whines, and Harry looks from one brother to the other. “Right.” He bends down and scoops Ian up, settling the toddler on his hip. “Er- happy early birthday?”

 “Yeah, thanks.” Connor nods. It hits him a second later- “You too! Happy eleventh!”

 Harry laughs, waving as he walks backwards. “Thank you.” He turns around, still laughing into Ian’s neck.

 The boys return home to domestic chaos. The living room is peaceful, Adrian and Caspian debating something to do with clothes around a game of inanimate chess; Adrian hugs Harry and transfers Ian into his own arms at the same time. After knocking into Cas affectionately, Harry moves down the short hallway into the kitchen and living room - that’s where the chaos is.

 Fay has tomato goop in her hair near her ear, today’s no-longer-curled bangs pinned up, and an orange-stained cutting board on the nearest counter, herbs piled overtop the tomato remains.

 Vivian and Regulus are at the bar counter, flour smattered up their three forearms and Vivian leading the process of kneading bread dough.

 “What’re you making?” Harry asks, ducking through to get to the pantry. Technically the cupboard under the stairs is also a pantry, but there are snacks in the one on the wall furthest inside the kitchen, and Harry avoids the cupboard whenever he can. He grabs a packet of fruit snacks and another of crackers.

 “Tomato soup and cheese rolls,” Vivian says. “How was the park?”

 “It was good,” Harry says, not wrong but purposefully not clear either. Vivian catches him on his way out of the kitchen, dragging him into a hug that rubs flour on his clothes. She’d been sad, if understanding, when he ducked out earlier. He leans in.

 “Bug him to pieces, Burbujita,” she hums into his hair.

 “I know,” Harry murmurs back. Vivian lets him go. “Do you want any help?” He asks, ducking out to give Ian a packet of crackers.

 Since you’ve obviously missed a little bit, let me give you a brief catchup. This morning Regulus returned, and Harry took Ian to the park because this poor child has too large a heart and a bit more imposter syndrome than he should; he left Cas and Fay with time and most of their parents to work through some stuff. That was… hours ago?

 I’m not paid to count seconds, moving on.

 “Wanna run the blender with me?” Fay asks brightly. “Mama and Dad are on roll duty.”

 “Sure,” He agrees.

 “So, anything interesting happen at the park?”

 Harry studiously did not look up, instead focusing on pushing the right buttons on the blender. “There were a few things. Met someone new. Who was the villain?”

 “They reaired Night Of The Boogey Biker,” Fay said. She leaned into his shoulder, watching the veggies splatter. “So it was Red Herring. You okay?”

 “Yeah. Just stuff for later.”

 Fay hums. “Mkay.”

 At the counter behind them, Regulus and Vivian have moved on to shaping the rolls. “This is violence against breadkind,” Regulus says, voice raising with mock-offense.

 “The yeast shall die,” is Vivian’s succinct response, ripping the raw rolls open with vigor.

 Regulus laughs at her, murmuring something about ‘should we have not put it in, then?’ as he balls up grated cheese against the counter. He’s not wearing his prosthetic, since he’s home and it’s been a week of wearing it near-nonstop.

 Fay waits until they’re eating, Vivian on Ian duty, to question Harry again. If it’s something for the whole family, he’ll answer now, and if not, it alerts her parents and ensures that someone will talk to Harry. “Anything fun happen at the park?”

 Harry looks up and scans the table. “Something interesting did.”

 Caspian and Regulus narrow in on him in moments. He hides his jump in nervousness by changing his focus to his bowl.

 “Interesting how?”

 “Connor and Lily Potter are in the area.”

 Fay’s spoon hits the side of her bowl.

 “Huh,” Regulus says, as if he didn’t notice half of his family jumping. “Do you know why?”

 Harry rolls the words around his mouth for a moment. “Apparently to pick me up.”

 That gets more reactions. Harry half-expects Cas to discorporate, but the older boy is having  a better day than that. Regulus goes blank in a way that still terrifies Harry for reasons he knows don’t apply. Fay goes still in a way she likes to pretend isn’t natural. Adrian raises his eyebrows, looking over the rest of the family.

 Vivian groans.  “That’s illegal,” she says petulantly.

 Adrian snorts. “Did you run into them?” he asks, trying to make it clear he’s laughing at his wife and not his kid.

 “Yeah,” Harry says, peeking up through his glasses.

 Regulus finishes processing and comes back into action with a blink. “Thanks for letting us know, Harry. Did they try to remove you forcefully?”

 “No. I didn’t see Lily this time either.” He looks back at his plate. “Connor was nice though.”

 “Okay. What are you thinking?”

 Harry shrugs. “I don’t think you need to do anything, it was just weird. Nice, but weird. Petunia told them I was dead.”

 Everyone but Ian flinches. Ian is playing with his soup and the ruins of a roll.

 “We might have to deal with that,” Regulus says. “I’ll keep an eye out. Did I miss anything else?”

 “Harry’s reading ninth-grade books again,” Cas reports like a tattletale.

  Harry rolls his eyes, and the entire group takes the subject change with ease. “They’re not hard. Just grab a dictionary and a blanket.”

 Regulus grins. “So I need a copy and we can start bookclub up again?”

 “Yes!”

 “What book did you find?”

 “To Kill A Mockingbird,” Harry says proudly. “I’m at chapter seven.”

 I’m sure you can guess most of what else happens. Adrian goes back to the Department Of Mysteries, Vivian chews on paperwork, Regulus spends the day with his kids.

 On the other side, however?

 Well, Lily Potter is having a spectacularly bad day. By now she’s finished with Petunia and is instead in the park where Connor was supposed to be, which is conspicuously free of children. She pulls her wand out, trying not to let herself catastrophize. It’s harder than she would like. “Guide me hatchling,” she snarls in parseltongue. You’ll notice later, once you’re seeing more magic in action, that spells are often cast in Latin or derivatives thereof. This isn’t a requirement, so you’ll find clever and desperate wixen often use their own; we’ll leave it at that so we don’t get knee-deep in magical theory again. There’ll be time later.

 A light glows at the top of her wand, not quite as big as her fingertip, and breaks off to float west. Lily sheaths her wand and follows it. The artificial will-o-wisp keeps pace with her instead of the other way around.

 She’s shaking. It’s been too long. She should’ve taken Connor home and come back to Privet Drive, not sent him outside. Muggle area or not, she had no proof this neighborhood was safe. And after that horrifying conversation, Lily needs her son to be safe. One of them, please.

 She already made the mistake of thinking this town was safe for her child once, she can’t believe she did so again. Who’s to say this isn’t another conspiracy?

 The wisp leads her to Wisteria Way, and much like Harry and Fay yesterday, Lily crosses down the middle. Unlike those two, she doesn’t walk straight to Number Ten. Her chest twinges as she passes it, but she doesn’t stop to think about what that means.

 Two turns further into Magnolia Crescent, Lily finally finds a park. Connor’s there, racing another kid up and down the stairs and slides. Another is swinging, and two more are throwing sand at each other. Something in Lily’s chest unblocks, and she sits down on the edge of the sandpit and watches quietly.

 She has to think. Petunia said- well, Petunia said a lot of things, most of which were about as useful as a fly’s thigh. Gosh, Lily is such an idiot. She and James talked about it, discussed it for weeks, but the facts were that Harry’s magical core was damaged, and if a Fideleus Charm - and a Secret Keeper who wasn’t even in the country - wasn’t enough to keep them safe, how could she ensure Harry wouldn’t get injured again? Worse? What if the next time he doesn’t wake up?

 She puts her head on her knees and breathes.

 He woke up.

 Petunia said some wizard came and took him years ago. Years ago. Lily has been at Petunia’s house to check on a boy who wasn’t there. Lily has stood in that house, believing Harry was upstairs asleep, and he wasn’t even in the house.

 Checking Hadrian’s core had been a rare occurrence on its own, since the spell was new and classified. It still is, taught only to Unspeakables and select wixen in the medical field. Charlus had suggested it, and confirmed that both boys’ cores were damaged. They said Connor looked to be recovering, but Harry’s was… Lily hadn’t used the spell herself, but Charlus looked horrified.

 Honestly, if that spell weren’t restricted it would either end with a lot of children being safely rehomed, or a jump in infantcide statistics. Humankind, you know?

 There’s a reason for the section of magical laws concerning manslaughter in search of accidental magic. It turns out babies enjoy being in the air. And often don’t realize they won’t be caught until too late, magic or not.

 Maybe they should’ve kept Harry anyway. So many things during and after the attack were unprecedented, she must’ve missed something.

 A lot of things, considering the many times she’d visited her sister. 

 “Mum?”

 Lily looks up. “Hey, Connor. How are you?”

 “I’m okay,” Connor says, leaning over the playground railing. “How was the talk?”

 “Terrible.”

 “Um,” Connor says, tapping his fingers against each other. “Harry’s not dead, by the way.”

 Lily laughs desperately. Of course, he knew too. “Yeah, I know. What tipped you off?”

 “Well he lives here,” says a new, caustic voice. A blonde girl leans over the rail beside Connor. “That’s generally an indication of not being dead.”

 “Freya,” Connor hisses, eyes wide. “Be nice.”

 “He lives here?” Lily’s voice is faint, but her mind is too far away to care. Petunia had said- but Lily hadn’t- how did- Huh.

 “He also says hello.”

 Oh. Oh. Lily would like to get off this emotional rollercoaster right now. “He knows me?”

 “I didn’t ask how.”

 Freya sucks on her lips, suddenly feeling much more awkward. This is absolutely the sort of thing that happens with the Dunbar-Black house, and the reason she learned to excuse herself from uncomfortable situations. Mr. Black sat down and taught her when she was eight. Nineteen-Eighty-Seven was a bad year.

 She stands up, stepping back to let the others talk. Well, it’s time to think very, very loudly.

 “You met him?”

 “Yeah. He looked… pretty good.”

 “What was he like?”

 “A kid,” Connor says softly. “He’s nice. Smart.”

 Lily covers her mouth, starting to cry. She doesn’t know what Harry knows about her, (if he’s basing it off Petunia’s information, it can’t be anything good) but he’s okay. She has an eyewitness account at last. Two, apparently.

 He knows about her.

 Lily hopes he doesn’t hate her, but if he does she can’t blame him.

 She’s been in that house. And she missed him.

 How did she miss him?

 “When are we going home?” Connor asks, the exhaustion appearing again. The best thing about kids is how easily distractable they are. Freya showed up not long after Harry left, trailing three siblings, and pulled Connor away from dark thoughts. Now that Lily’s back and Freya has let them talk, all the dark thoughts are returning and Connor really, really wants a nap.

 Lily wipes her eyes. “As soon as you’re done here, sweetheart.”

 Connor turns to Freya. “It was nice meeting you.”

 “You too,” Freya says with a smile. She offers her hand to shake, and Connor accepts it. “She is actually your guardian, right?”

 “Yeah, why wouldn’t she be?”

 “We’ve had… incidents. Never hurts to check.”

 “If she were untrustworthy, what would you do?”

 “I’d get one of my siblings to get my dad and then we’d take you home and call the police.”

 Connor pauses. That sounds practiced; a lot like the abduction and raid drills he’d grown up using. “Smart. She’s my mum though, so I’m fine.”

 “Alright,” Freya shrugs. “Be safe. If you ever visit again, we have a kiddie pool.”

 Connor snorts. “Thanks. See you later.” He takes a slide to the ground, and walks over to his mum. It’s been long enough he’s gotten most of the sand out of his clothes, but not all. It’s still itchy. “I’m ready.”

 Lily takes his hand and stands up. “Alright. C’mon, the apparition point is this way.”

 “Mum,” Connor begins, brow furrowing. “We’re in a muggle neighborhood. Why is there an apparition point?”

 Lily opens her mouth as they leave the park grounds. She closes it. “I… don’t know. I guess I’ve always just gone to the spot I know best. I guess I’ll apparate us once we’re in the clear.” She laughs again, but this time it’s genuine. Of course there wouldn’t be an actual apparition point in a muggle town.

 Well, as far as she knows, anyway.

 They turn onto a road with no one visible, and Lily apparates before checking any closer.

 It’s been a long day, Readers, and we still have hours to go.

 They reappear in the middle of the kitchen, breakfast still half-eaten on the table. “What time is it?” Lily asks, looking around the empty room. She waves her hand, casting a wandless and wordless time charm. One o’clock in the afternoon.

 Lily rubs a hand over her face and sighs. “What do you want for lunch, sweetheart?”

 “Caprese?”

 “And chicken, sure,” Lily hums. Thankfully, it’s easy to make. Lily ties her hair up while she cooks, letting Connor run up to his room.

 The first thing he does is, adorably enough, find his library card. Then he anxiously packs a bag full of mostly sealed ink bottles, an old roll of parchment, and partially crumpled quills. Quills, because Connor lives in a magical household and pens are rarely used. Then he lays on his bed and stares at the ceiling.

 Archimedes, another owl whom you have not met yet, (I sincerely hope you’re good with names, because otherwise this may turn into a headache), lands on his chest. There’s no law specifically against the harming of owls, but there should be. Emotional Support Animals are incredibly important.

 Archimedes coos.

 “Hi Archimedes,” Connor says, staring at his ceiling. He reaches up to pet him, enjoying the feel of feathers. Archimedes is new, they brought him home yesterday alongside Connor’s school supplies. Archimedes hops a little bit, before sitting down on Connor’s chest like a roosting mother. Connor keeps petting him, gnawing on chaotic thoughts.

 He’s really happy his parents agreed to get him an owl. Walnut is his father’s owl, and spends a lot of time roosting around James Potter. Archimedes is still getting used to his new owlet, but he’s noticed Connor’s unusually high heartbeat.

 In humans, that either means something very good, or very bad.

 Archimedes stays there until Lily calls Connor down for food, when he hops onto Connor’s shoulder. Con swings his bag onto his shoulder and hops down the stairs, getting a wing in the eye for his troubles. Archimedes is not ready for an owlet. He’s going to take care of this one anyway.

 Lily ignores the owl on Connor’s shoulder as she hands him a plate. “I need to check with Mrs. Weasley about you coming over, will you be okay?”

 “Yeah, of course.”

 Connor is a much better liar than an eleven-year-old should be. Ugh, he needs a hug. The good news is, he’s on his way to get one.

 “Okay. Weasleys?”

 “Yeah.”

 Another time, Connor may push to be left home alone. He’s eleven, not a baby! But right now he wants comfort, and it’s not like Lily would agree anyway. Connor can’t fight, and he’s a person of interest to a lot of unsavory characters.

 Have I mentioned that yet? …oh, I don’t think I have. Whoops. Connor’s famous, by the way; he survived an assassination attempt when he was one, and now a decent amount of people want to finish the job.

 Are you beginning to see why James and Lily thought leaving Harry with Petunia was a good idea?

 Once they’re done eating, Lily sits down and sticks her head in the kitchen fireplace. Her fireplace is also a floo fireplace, so this isn’t something unsafe. She activates it with floo powder, a secondary compound that activates the enchantments on domestic floos. It would be rather annoying if every wizarding household had to invest in two fireplaces - one for proper fires, and one for transportation.

 The connection lets her poke her head out of the other side, into a warmly colored kitchen. Welcome to the Burrow, readers. You’ll become familiar with the place quickly.

 The downside of Floo calls (aside from how uncomfortable it is to kneel with your head in a magic fire) is that they rarely come with ringtones. Thankfully, it doesn’t take long for a redheaded child to run through the kitchen. He stops a little past the door, and comes back. “Hi Mrs. Potter!” He calls brightly.

 Lily forces a smile. “Hello George.”

 “I’m Fred,” he says, sending her a very serious pout. In the two years since you saw him last, he’s gotten a buzzcut and a load of new bracelets, courtesy of his friends.

 That’s enough to make her laugh; it is such a relief to be doing something other than panic. “No you’re not,” she says, shaking her head as she looks up at the thirteen-year old. “Fred never wears the green bracelet.”

 George grins, crouching in front of the floo. “Sharp as ever, Mrs. Potter. How can I help you?”

 “I need to go into the Ministry for a while, would your mother mind watching Connor?”

 “Mum! Can Connor come over?”

 Lily can’t hear the response, but George keeps grinning so she knows it’s good. “She says yes.” He looks a little closer, brow furrowing. “Is everything okay?”

 “It will be,” Lily says. “I’ll send him through.”

 Normally, George would go back to what he was doing, maybe shout at Ron that Connor would be here soon, but there’s a prickling in his gut that says this isn’t something he can brush off. George taps his bracelet, wishing his brother was down here. They work better as a team, and this seems like the sort of thing they’ll need all hands on deck for.

 The floo flares, a green fire shooting up from nothing. George prepares himself to ignore his instincts and just chivvy the younger boy to Ron.

 Connor comes through looking like he’s had a meltdown and a half.

 Yeah, no.

 “What happened?” George asks, moving closer.

 “Is it really that obvious?” Connor asks mulishly, holding his bag close to his chest. “You’re the fourth person to ask me that.”

 George raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, apparently. Hot cocoa?”

 Connor takes a breath, ready to say no, but that sounds wonderful, actually. “Can you make enough for Ron too?”

 “Yeah.” George heads to the stove, letting Connor sit at the kitchen table. He’s not allowed to use magic over the summers, (unsupervised, but neither of his parents want to supervise) so it takes the usual amount of time. Which is to say, a while. “Can I run something up to Fred?”

 “I don’t need babysitting.”

 George rolls his eyes with the patience that grows from having two younger siblings. “I know.” He vanishes upstairs, worried.

 Connor sits there, tapping on the table. He likes the Weasleys' house - it’s bright, mostly gold and red, with fifty percent of the place warmly patchworked. There’s always something to look at, something to think about. Connor takes the distraction, watching the enchanted Kitchen Clock. Instead of telling time, it has a hand for each member of this family branch, and a circle of statuses. Fredric, George, Ronald, Ginevra, and Molly are all at Home, William, Charles, and Aurthur are at Work. Other places include School, Mortal Peril, Prison, Lost, Hospital, Travelling, and Friend’s. Connor likes the clock. Growing up, he and Ron would spend hours making up adventures for the other members of his family.

 Charlie’s hand flicks to Mortal Peril. Connor’s mood drops again.

 Would having a clock like this helped Harry? Mortal Peril came before death.

 Ugh.

 Connor needs to stop thinking about this. He lays his head on the table, wishing he could regulate his thoughts.

 Something in the room flutters. Connor assumes it’s George back to mess with the Hot Cocoa, so he doesn’t move. His chest feels watery, like pneumonia and sadness.

 “Hey Connor.”

 He shrieks, sitting up so sharply he nearly falls off the chair.

 Ah, it’s finally time to introduce you to another of my beloved cast. Meet Ginevra Weasley, Readers, a nine-year-old menace who brings me great joy.

 [She’s the type I’d proudly adopt.]

 I can’t believe I’m agreeing with you, Timothy.

 [Aw, I guess great minds really do think alike.]

 Moving on. Ginny has armpit-length red hair, not quite as many freckles as Susan Bones, and brown eyes that match the broomsticks she loves to ride. She enjoys sneaking up on people and trying to steal… whatever she can get her hands on, really. Sometimes she manages to get Connor’s glasses, occasionally she manages a bracelet from her brothers, or a book, sometimes Percy’s pens, and, naturally, wands.

 She holds Connor’s wand out to him. “It looks awesome,” she says with a touch of envy. “What’s the specs?”

 “Do you even know what that word means?”

 “Nope but it’s said when they wanna know what something is made of, so I figure I’m using it right,” she collapses into the chair beside Connor. “Why do you look like Achilles got hit by a flying carpet?”

 Connor snorts. “I love your metaphors.”

 “I get bored a lot,” Ginny says. “I cannot wait to go to Hogwarts next year. Think you and Ron can smuggle me spells?”

 “Haven’t you had every one of your brothers smuggle you spells?”

 “DADA teacher changes every year. That means new spells.”

 “You are so lucky that you’re the youngest.”

 Ginny grins, ducking her head a little as Connor finally takes the wand.

 Connor sticks it in his hair for lack of having a better place to put it. “Your brothers are good brothers, right?”

 Ginny squints at him. “Now you’re acting suspicious. Is your mom pregnant?” That startles a laugh out of Connor. Ginny grins back proudly. “But seriously, having a sorting crisis?”

 “I wasn’t until you said something!” Connor shrieks. He takes a breath, and shakes his head. “Anyway. Um. How have things been on your end?”

 “Fred and George have been blowing things up and trying to convince mum to adopt their friends, Percy’s plotting to be Prefect this year, and Mum’s still on withdrawl without Charlie. Really though, what’s going on?”

 “I think Mum’s trying to overthrow the government. Or kill her sister. Or possibly kidnap someone? Can you kidnap your own kid?”

 Ginny blinks once. Twice. “We’re going upstairs.” She grabbed his arm and dragged him up. Connor lets her drag him out of the kitchen and up the Burrow’s rickety staircase, where they pass George.

 “What’re you doing?”

 “Emotional support!” Ginny calls back. She stops at the seventh landing. “Ron!”

 A head with red hair appears at the top of the staircase. “Ginny?” Ronald Weasley’s room is at the top of the Weasley’s tower-like house, just under the haunted attic. “What’s up?”

 “Your friend’s having a crisis.” Ginny says. It’s her room too, actually.

 Ron crawls down his ladder, twisting. “Connor?” Connor groans and moves to flop on his friend. Ron holds him up easily. “Are your parents okay?”

 Connor hums a yes.

 George hits the landing next, followed by Fred. “Can we help?”

 Connor groans. “Do you want to spend two hours watching me have a heart attack?”

 Ron pats his head. “C’mon. I got him.”

 “I’ll bring up your cocoa,” George says, chivving the other kids back downstairs.

 “Thanks,” Ron says. Connor straightens up to climb the ladder, and Ron follows him. “So, what’s the deal?”

 Connor faceplants on Ron’s bed and doesn’t move. Ron goes back to the maze he’s building for Percy’s pet rat, Scabbers. The rat is old and missing a toe, but he’s sprightly and keeps getting lost at Hogwarts. So far he’s always come back, but Percy wants a better solution than switching between a pocket charmed to not let Scabbers out and a rat cage the size of a cat carrier. Ron heard him bemoan it at the start of the summer and has been trying to find a solution. This maze is going to be two levels, and about the length of Percy’s school trunk. Ron’s a little less than a quarter way done with building it.

 The boys don’t talk for a little while, sitting and listening to the rhythmic tapping of Connor’s legs as he kicks the bright orange bedspread. Ron’s side of the room is covered in as much Quidditch memorabilia as he could get his hands on, specifically for a team known as the Chudley Cannons, whose colors are red and an orange more violent than the Weasley’s carrot top heads. Ginny’s is more varied, but still has a majority of green and gold, for the Holyhead Harpies. It’s an… interesting dichotomy.

 Eventually, Connor rolls over and stares at the enchanted posters on the ceiling. The poster shows the team playing an actual game, so Connor watches it until he settles.

 That’s when Ron finally puts the glue (muggle glue, brought home by his father who adores muggle technology) and wood scraps down. "Alright," he announces, flopping down beside Connor on his bed. "You're being way too quiet.” He crosses his legs and leans over Connor’s head. “Spill."

 Connor looks at him, and ridiculously feels like crying. He's already cried so much today.

 "Wait, don't cry!" Ron says, sounding panicked, which is how Connor knows he still has tears left. "Breathe?" Ron is not the best at this. He's eleven, since his birthday was in March. Adults can be terrible at comforting people, so of course children will have their moments too. "What happened?" Ron leans back and watches one of his own posters.

 "Did you know I have a little brother?"

 Ron sort of... stops. "Since when?" He’s trying to remember, because that seems like something he’d be told, but he doesn’t remember anything recently, and he’d have met them by now if they aren’t a newborn. Right?

 The comment spurs Connor into laughter, which is enough, Ron thinks. Laughter's supposed to be healing. He's heard that from his big brothers, of which he has five. "Forever, I guess."

 Ron sighs and lays down too. "You are terrible at explaining."

 Connor snorts. That's their running joke- they're not sure what it is, whether curse side effects or just bad blood, but Connor has trouble with focusing and letters move for Ron. It's really mental disorders, but despite the changes in the wizarding world, they're still very behind on Mental Health, and as such no one has recognized it yet. "He's my twin," Connor says. "He's my twin and I met him for the first time today and he's great, but he's so different. I don't know anything about him! And I want to!" Connor throws his hands out. "I want to, so badly. I want to know him as well as Fred knows George."

 Ron watches as Connor's words go soft and wistful. "Yeah?"

 "Yeah."

"So, when am I meeting him?"

 Connor laughs again, short and loud, and rolls over to hug Ron. "As soon as possible, obviously."

 "Good," Ron says lightly, patting Connor’s head. "Because someone has to warn him about Ginny. Does he know much about the Chudley Cannons?"

 Connor slowly pulls away to give Ron a look that's not quite guilty. "I forgot to talk about Quidditch."

 "Connor!" Ron shrieks with a laugh. "The betrayal- what if he doesn't? Oh the tragedy!"

 "How much time have you spent with the twins?" Connor asks then, laughing. Ron's amped up the drama to three.

 "Plenty," Ron says. "We finally went to Diagon last week, actually, and met up with those friends of theirs." He leans in, as if sharing a secret. "Lestrange is nice!"

 Connor hums. "Haven't they been saying that?"

 "Well yeah." Ron rolls his eyes. "But it's different to see her in person. No wonder Mum makes her a sweater."

 Connor grins. "Of course she does. Your mum would add in a thousand bedrooms and raise every kid out there if given the chance."

 Ron laughs. "She'd try," it's a little bitter, but not too bad. His brothers were there too, whenever she wasn’t. And then he looks at Connor and puts on his game face. "Brother. Details. C'mon Connor I'm dying here!"

 "Okay, okay," Connor waves away Ron's focus. "Brother. His name is Hadrian. They call him Harry. He wants to write, and he looks like me."

 "That's it?" Ron asks.

 "He's a parselmouth too?" Connor offers nervously. His shoulders slump. "We really didn't have that much time to talk. I mean we did, but we weren't exchanging life stories." He looks over at Ron, brown on blue, and feels the joy slip away like rainwater. "I don't know anything, Ron. And what I do know is bad. He was nice enough to talk to today, but what if I mess up and he hates me?"

 "He's your brother," Ron says mock sagely. "Even after Charlie and Percy had that big fight, they still worked together to make sure us younger kids were safe and warm."

 "But you guys were raised together! We weren't. What if it's too different? What if he thinks magic is dumb? Or maybe he'll be a muggle-baiter! Or if he's- I don't know! What if he's hurt? What if he's missing limbs?"

 "Did he look like he was missing limbs?" Ron asks bemusedly.

 "No," Connor admits. "And he didn't limp or anything while we were playing tag, so I guess there's a point there." He's still not reassured though. "What if he doesn't know enough about the magical world and he falls into a trap set by a Death Eater? What if someone tries to attack him to get to me?"

 "That won't happen." Ron waves his hand dismissively. "Probably. Besides, actual muggleborns do it all the time, and they catch up easily enough. He'll be fine."

 "What if-"

 Ron sighs and shuts Connor up by laying on top of him. It's a tried and true technique. "Am I this bad about Ginny?"

 "You're worse," Connor says lightly. Ron laughs.

 Someone knocks on the trapdoor. Connor and Ron both look over. “You know,” Connor says suddenly, not even moving. “Harry and I had a talk about nicknames, and he offered Con as one.”

 “Yeah?”

 “It rhymes with Ron.”

 Ron laughed. “Hope he doesn’t mind being triplets then. Come in!”

 Fred pops his head through the trapdoor, wearing a blue sweater with only one sleeve properly on. The rest is bunched around his neck. “We have hot cocoa and optional emotional support.”

 Connor waves, but doesn’t push Ron off. He likes the weight.

 Ron waves in the familiar configuration. Bill - William Weasley - taught it to them the first time the younger kids were caught in a Death Eater attack. He learned it from Dorcas Meadows during the height of the First Blood War, and the Weasleys never gave it up. “Welcome to my office, I’d offer you chocolate frogs but I think the gnomes stole them,” he says magnanimously.

 George bows. “Ah, yes, why thank you for your time, Mr. Weasley. Do remind me, are you a famous teacher, auror, or Quidditch player?”

 “Obviously he tames Hippogriffs,” Ginny snarks, taking over Ron’s desk chair. “Look at those muscles.”

 “I don’t know,” Fred says. “He kinda looks like a human wrangler to me.”

 “Excuse you, I am obviously a statue brought to life,” Connor says, pointing at Fred. “You’re in the presence of the greatest museum curator in seven centuries.”

 “Ah.”

 Ron laughs, rolling off Connor and sitting up. Connor follows suit, missing the weight. “Oh, no autographs today I’m afraid, the mummies stole all my pens.”

[theluckywizard]

Angsty Dialogue Writing Prompts

These are from https://authority.pub/angst-writing-prompts/!

1. “How much pain do you have to go through before giving up is okay?”

2. “You’re allowed to fall apart a little.”

3. “I hate remembering the mess I used to be because part of me misses it.”

4. “Don’t ever let anyone tell you giving up is easy. Giving up is the hardest thing I ever had to do.”

5. “I’m here. I know that’s not enough, but it’s all I got.”

6. “What’s the point of trying if it just proves that I’ll never be good enough?”

7. “I don’t expect a happy ending. I just want an ending.”

8. “It sucks. Because I want to hate you, but I can’t.”

9. “I wish, just once, you would love me like this — no strings attached.”

10. “It hurts when I realize I’ll never mean that much to someone.”

11. “They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but my heart just became numb.”

12. “I wanted to believe you thought about me.”

13. “It’s harder when you can’t make yourself cry. When you don’t get to feel the release.”

14. “You’re my best friend. I wish I were yours.”

15. “You made me think I actually mattered.”

16. “I miss being incapable of love.”

17. “I’d rather deny my feelings than have to explain them.”

18. “I pushed you away because you deserve better.”

19. “If you don’t know my options, don’t judge my choices.”

20. “Even when you’re next to me, it feels like you’re miles away.”

21. “I’m sick of missing you when you’re right here.”

22. “I thought I could like it like this.”

23. “You seemed to like me better when I lied.”

24. “Could you stay a little bit longer?”

25. “Tell me you don’t want to leave. Say I’m enough to make you stay. I know it’s not true, but please just say it.”

26. “It was always you, no matter how much I denied it.”

27. “I wasn’t enough for you?” “No, you were too much.”

28. “No one can break your heart if you keep it broken anyway.”

29. “I tried.” “I know, and that was your mistake.”

30. “You’re right: I’m a liar. But you can believe me, just this one time.”

31. “You don’t have to love me.”

32. “If tomorrow comes anyway, will you be there?”

33. “You can’t be here. Not now.”

34. “Sometimes, forever just doesn’t last that long.”

35. “Don’t pretend you missed me.”

36. “Why am I grieving for someone who isn’t even dead?”

37. “How could you stand there and pretend this isn’t your fault?”

38. “Did you ever see me? Or was I just a background character?”

39. “Tell me I’m wrong. Say it. Please.”

40. “Don’t give me that look. Did you really expect things to be different this time?”

41. “I wish you would think of me when I wasn’t right in front of you.”

42. “You can still see the stars in the sky after they’ve burned out. It must be lonely, having no one miss you.”

43. “Could you see me like that, just for a moment? Pretend I mean something to you.”

44. “Hope has only ever failed me.”

45. “The world was a little brighter yesterday, wasn’t it? Everything was brighter without me there.”

46. “I’ll leave, and the world will move on. I just wish I could see it. See how much better everything is when I’m gone.”

47. “It doesn’t matter if you meant it or not. The pain is still real.”

48. “Oh my god, you love her. And she doesn’t love you back. How perfect.”

49. “I wish I could say it gets easier. It doesn’t.”

50. “Do you honestly not see how dysfunctional this family is?”

51. “Kiss me like you’ll never forget me. Then walk away. Why delay the inevitable?”

52. “Suicide doesn’t end the pain; it just passes it on to someone else.” 

53. “Pretending to be happy is exhausting.” 

54. “Who are you when no one’s watching?”

55. “You’re good at finding things. Find me a reason to stay.” 

56. “I was alone with my baby. My own thoughts terrified me. And you never bothered to call.” 

57. “The one person who called me when I was at my lowest wasn’t you.” 

58. “I keep trying to be a better mother, even when everything I do seems to backfire.”

59. “Why did I even make it home?” 

60. “The one day you notice I’m gone, I’m supposed to feel bad for you?”

61. “I know you did the best you could. I just wish you hadn’t stopped.” 

62. “Your mind is the darkest place I’ve ever been to.”

63. “No wonder you’re not afraid of the dark. Nothing outside your head could be as scary as what’s inside it.” 

64. “I didn’t choose to be an introvert. I did choose to be asocial. I regret nothing.”

65. “I’m not ending this. I just need to be away from you for a while.” 

66. “It’s been a while since I felt myself turning to ash on the inside. Thanks for walking in and reminding me.”

67. “They don’t actually want me there. I’m tolerated — not welcome. Why don’t you see that?”

68. “Why would I trust anyone else with my baby? I didn’t feel safe. I didn’t feel seen or wanted. And I still don’t.”

69. "Why didn't you tell me I annoyed you so much?"

70. “Promise me, when I die, you’ll have me cremated and spread my ashes around a tree. I don’t need an expensive hole in the ground or a rock with my name on it.”

71. “I was drowning right in front of you, and you were too busy to notice.”

72. “I didn’t want to leave because I finally felt like you needed me there. It didn’t last.” 

73. “What do you see in me that you hate so much when you see it in yourself?”

74. “I was finally starting to live before you showed up again. And now I see it.”

75. “You looked right at me when you said it. I think you meant every word.”