#I’ll still be around here once in a while

[toadtoru]

MOVIE NIGHT

pairing: suguru geto x fem! reader contents: smut, mutual masturbation, getting interrupted (not caught), cockwarming, pet names (pretty girl, my girl, baby), he calls you slut once wordcount: 1.7k

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT

Your best friend, Suguru, who tries to convince you to let him fuck you while Shoko and Satoru are out getting snacks. You’re sitting on the other end of the couch, frowning at him, while Suguru merely smiles at you, urging you to come sit in his lap. 

He looks so fucking good it’s almost infuriating. Half of his hair up, the other falling down his shoulders, wearing just sweatpants and a black t-shirt. 

“Sugu, they’re gonna be back soon, we can’t,” you say, trying to send him a stern look. Suguru sighs and adjusts himself on the sofa, spreading his legs and allowing you to see the growing bulge in his sweats. He’s big already, and he’s not even fully erect. The sight makes your face grow hot, and Suguru knows you’re flustered but he just chuckles.

“C’mon, pretty,” he says, tilting his head to the side. “Come sit,”

You swallow nervously, but nevertheless, you crawl towards where he’s sitting on the sofa. Once you’re close enough, he grabs your forearms and pulls you into his lap, directly onto his length. He ignores your squeak of surprise as his hands settle on your hips, thumbs rubbing circles into your sides. 

You’re still pouting. Despite the fact that you came to him willingly, you can’t help but feel like you’ve been roped into this. Suguru hums in satisfaction, and a hand comes up to stroke your cheek. 

“There’s my girl,” he says, leaning in and kissing the corner of your lips. 

My girl. 

His words make heat pool in your belly, and you melt slightly, placing your hands on his shoulders. One of his hands squeeze your tit through your shirt, the other toys with the hem of your sleeping shorts. 

In Suguru’s opinion, you look like a perfect little gift for him. He’s been plotting this ever since you came down to the living room in that dangerously small pyjama, nipples poking through the fabric and shorts hugging your ass just right. He noticed Shoko and Satoru eyeing you as well. Satoru’s face grew positively flushed, and Shoko’s lips curled into a smile. Getting them to leave to get snacks wasn't very easy. 

But now you’re here. In his lap. Alone. 

And Suguru just wants to push those tiny shorts to the side and stretch you out on his cock till the only thing on your mind is his name. 

“We don’t have enough time,” you mumble, trying to keep up some resemblance of resistance. Suguru hums, eyes dropping down to your crotch as he begins to rub circles right over your clit. Your breath hitches, and your hands on his shoulders tighten their grip.

With his other hand he pulls up your shirt, watching your tits spill out. He cups one with his free hand, rolling his thumb over your nipple, while he leans down and sucks on the other.

“Suguru,”

The way you say his name is more of a moan than a warning. Your hips grind down on his thumb, chasing friction, and Suguru doesn’t even try to fight the smile making its way onto his face as he pulls back to watch your reactions. 

“We can be fast,” he says. You gasp when he pulls the crotch of your shorts to the side and runs his fingers through your folds. “You’ll be good for me, right?” he asks, and you nod, any coherent thoughts already turning blurry. 

“Say it,” Suguru says, and you pout when his fingers deftly avoid your clit, instead merely stroking you. 

“I’ll be good, Suguru. I promise,” you reply, and Suguru grins. His cock is hard and leaking in his boxers now, aching for attention. You eye the bulge and reach down to stroke him through his sweats. Suguru rewards you with a thumb on your clit, and begins rubbing methodic circles into the sensitive bud. You close your eyes and rest your head on his shoulder as you grind into his touch. 

Suguru decides to add a finger, pushing in and feeling your walls constrict around him. You let out a shaky breath before slipping your hand into his boxers and freeing his cock. You eye his length and a small whine leaves you at the sight. Suguru is thick. So thick and so big that the thought of having him inside you makes your cunt gush around Suguru’s hand. His tip is red and flushed, and pearly drops of precum collect around his head. 

You hesitate for a second, and Suguru notices. He kisses the crown of your head before gripping your hair with his free hand and pulling your head back to look at him. You gasp, and Suguru chuckles before giving you a chaste kiss on your lips. 

“Spit on it,” he says, and you do immediately. Suguru hums, rewarding you with another finger, and your hips stutter against his hands. His fingers are so long and thick, able to stretch you out much better than your own. 

You wrap a hand around his length, pumping him and mixing precum with spit, making the action smoother. Suguru groans and throws his head back as you use both hands to stroke him off. His ministrations on your cunt momentarily stop, and you watch his face contort in bliss before beginning to move your hips, fucking yourself on his fingers. 

Suguru’s brows knit together at the sight. Do you even know how sinful you look? What your actions do to him? Your eyes are lidded, glazed over as you pout at him, your expression begging him to ruin you. Your hands on his cock are clumsy, uncoordinated, yet he wouldn’t have it any other way. You squeeze his base, and Suguru has to stop himself from coming early.

You’re practically sin incarnate. 

“Look at you,” his voice is a mix of lust and disbelief. His eyes fall to where your hips are swirling in circles on his fingers. “You were so hesitant a second ago. What were your words? We can’t, Sugu,” his tone is teasing.

“Now you’re fucking yourself on my fingers like a slut.”

You whine, and Suguru decides to add another finger for good measure. The stretch burns a little and sparks fly through your body, making your toes curl. At this point you’re far too fucked out to answer his mocking words. 

“I haven’t even put my cock inside you, and you’re already cockdrunk.”

“Shut up.” Your retort comes out weak. You’ll never admit it, but you love it when Suguru is mean to you. It makes slick pool in your panties every time, this time being no exception as your cunt gushes, coating Suguru’s hand and fingers. You’re close.

So close. 

Suguru knows too. His lips curl into a smile, and he thrusts into your hand, hoping to reach his orgasm at the same time as you. You pant and lean in to kiss him. 

“I want to come,” you murmur, your lips ghosting over his.

“Yeah, pretty girl. You wanna come just from my fingers? Make a mess?” 

You glare at him, though Suguru hardly feels threatened. Your hands stroke his cock more diligently before one comes down to fondle his balls, and you run your thumb over his sensitive tip with the other. Suguru’s hips stutter, and his thigh twitches. He can practically taste his orgasm, and he can tell you're tethering on the edge too by the way your walls flutter around his fingers. 

“We’re back!”

You hear the front door open and Satoru’s sing-song voice as he rambles excitedly about the candy he chose. You fly away from Suguru’s lap, immediately tugging his cock into his boxers again, before jumping off his fingers and settling beside him. You adjust your clothes, pulling down your top and putting a blanket over you. 

Suguru blinks. He looks down at his now painful erection before adjusting himself, so it’s harder to tell. He silently thanks himself for wearing black sweats, hiding the wet patch from where you sat just moments ago. 

He looks up at you. You look dishevelled if anything, but you hide it well. His fingers are still covered in your slick, and he keeps eye contact with you as he brings them to his lips and sucks them clean. You gape and shift uncomfortably. He can tell you’re rubbing your thighs together, trying to soothe the ache that you’re no doubt feeling. 

Satoru walks into the living room, holding bags and more bags of sweets. Shoko strolls behind him. 

“I tried to stop him, but it was useless,” she says, motioning to the amount of candy in Satoru’s arms. You giggle, slightly more high-pitched than normal. 

“What movie are we watching?” Shoko asks, plopping down beside you. Satoru grabs the remote and starts talking about a movie he’s been wanting to watch. Suguru pulls at your blanket. You glare at him and Suguru pouts. 

“I’m cold,”

“Find your own blanket.”

“But you have one right there.” 

“There’s not enough for both of us!” You huff, and Suguru sighs, pretending to think. 

“Ah, I have a solution,” he says, promptly grabbing you and pulling you into his lap with your back against his chest. You squeal as Suguru wraps an arm around your waist, keeping you there, while the other adjusts the blanket to cover you. 

Neither Shoko nor Satoru bats an eye, instead arguing about the movie—Shoko thinks Satoru’s pick is stupid and Satoru thinks it’s perfect—leaving you at Suguru’s mercy. You can feel him throbbing against your ass as he pulls out his cock again and slips your pj to the side. You tense, but ease up when Suguru presses a kiss on your shoulder. 

“Relax,” he murmurs. “We’ll just sit like this,” he presses his cockhead against your cunt and pushes in slowly.

“You promised you’d be a good girl right?” You try to keep your face neutral, thankful that neither of your two friends is paying attention.

“Yeah,” you breathe, digging your nails into his arm around your waist. Soon, he’s buried to the hilt. You’re stuffed—stretched obscenely—pussy throbbing and leaking around his pulsing cock. 

Suguru kisses the crown of your head.

“There you go, baby,”

It takes everything in you to relax and rest your head on Suguru. Suguru wraps both arms around you, one slipping under your shirt to squeeze your tit before settling around your waist again. Satoru turns off the lights and starts the movie, all four pairs of eyes settling on the TV screen. 

You take a breath. It’s just two hours. Two hours sat on Suguru’s dizzyingly big cock. You can handle that.

Yeah.

For sure. 

thank you for reading!

🏷️ tags: @kisstoru @hiraethwrote @interconnectedmatrix @s-vila @gojouology

@kaskc @dearest-yeosang @sebastianlover

masterlist | dividers by me

[girlgenius1111]

sick day

alexia putellas x reader... mila fic illness strikes the putellas household, and alexia is determined to take care of her baby... even if she is sick too. you think about how far your wife has come. sickfic things :) soft mami alexia 🙂

Alexia’s alarm blared through the house, waking you up where you were passed out in the rocking chair in Mila’s room. Your daughter stirred, but was evidently too exhausted from keeping you up half the night to fully wake up. 

Somewhat grumpily, you stood up and stretched, before making your way to the bedroom. You were assuming Alexia had gotten up early and started to get dressed without turning off her alarm, leaving it to go off on her nightstand. When you walked into the room, though, and saw her still out cold in bed, you instantly knew something was wrong. You turned her alarm off and gently tried to rouse your wife. Her skin was hot to the touch, and you frowned, beginning to have an idea as to what was wrong with the blonde. 

Pushing a few sweaty strands of hair off her forehead, you watched as her face scrunched with discomfort. “Baby, wake up for me.” You murmured. 

Alexia just groaned in response, reaching out a hand to grab a fistful of your shirt, as if she was afraid you were going to go. 

“You’re really hot. Are you feeling okay?” 

Alexia shook her head mutely, squirming until she had kicked the covers away from one of her legs. You knew she was feeling bad, if only for the lack of jokes made about you calling her ‘really hot’. 

“Sick.” She mumbled pathetically, tugging on your shirt until you gave in and sat on the bed next to her. She snuggled into your side, radiating heat, and you tried not to flinch away when her warm cheek pressed onto your thigh. You carded your fingers through her hair, making a mental list of all the things you’d need to grab and make sure to do, the first of which being calling her out of training. Once you had texted the other captains, trusting them to pass the message along to the coaching staff, you focused back on Alexia. 

“I’m sorry you don’t feel well. Let me get you some medicine, okay?” 

You tried to slide out of her grasp, but she wouldn’t budge. Her arms remained wrapped around your leg, her cheek firmly planted against it. “No. Stay. Need you.” She murmured, not making very much sense. 

“I’m not going anywhere, I just want to grab something to help you feel better.” You told her, smiling a bit at the pout on her face, and the way she shook her head into you. 

“No. You make me feel better. Stay.” She insisted, pressing herself even further into you as if to prove a point. As you were about to respond, though, you heard a soft ‘Mama!’ come over the baby monitor, and Alexia shot upright. “Mila.” She said raspily, clearly delirious with fever as she tried to climb out of bed. You stopped her, gently pushing her to lie back down. 

“No. Stay.” You echoed her words from before. “I’ll check on Meels, you stay here.” 

“Bring her?” Alexia asked, relenting as she flopped back onto the pillows. 

You shook your head sympathetically, though. “No, I don’t want you to get her sick.” 

Alexia frowned but nodded nonetheless, gesturing for you to go to the baby, who was still making quite the racket. “Give her a kiss for me.” Alexia said sadly.

Alexia drifted off while you went to check on your daughter, picking her up and frowning at the heat coming off her skin as well. She whined, flopping into your chest without saying a word. 

Your wife startled awake when you reentered the room, looking surprised and concerned at the sight of a very grumpy baby in your arms. She was still in her pajamas, her cheek resting on your shoulder as she pouted, clearly feeling as awful as her Mami did. 

“Amor?” Alexia questioned, sitting up with a grimace as her head pounded at the movement. 

“She’s sick too, I think. She’s got a fever and she’s all stuffed up.” You commented. “So you two can be sick in here together.” You handed Mila to Alexia, heart almost bursting at the sight of Alexia carefully cradling her daughter to her chest and resting a hand on her forehead. Mila was still frowning, though she snuggled into Alexia as soon as she could. 

Alexia looked up at you in a panic. “She is really warm! We need to take her temperature and give her medicine and something to eat, and maybe some water, and we should call the doctor just in case,” 

“I’ve got it. I’ll take care of both my girls.” You assured her, pressing a lingering kiss to her hot forehead. “Just sit here with her while I get some stuff for you both.” 

You rushed around the house, gathering the thermometer, some crackers, adult and baby medicine, and snagging Mila’s plush bear that she was rather obsessed with, before heading back to your bedroom. You walked in, not really looking up at your wife before dumping everything onto the bed, and picking out the thermometer. You turned to Alexia, ready to wrangle her into letting you take her temperature, only to find her sniffling, her eyes suspiciously glossy. 

“Ale?” You said softly, stepping closer to cup her face in your hand. “Why are you crying?” 

“Did I get her sick?” Alexia asked tearfully, staring down at the slumbering baby. “Is she sick because of me?” 

You repressed a sigh, instead opting to lean forward and kiss your wife’s forehead. “Ale, you got sick today. You can’t have gotten her sick if she came down with it at the same time.” 

“Oh. Right.” Alexia sniffled. She settled back into the pillows, her arms keeping Mila held tightly against her. “I knew that. I can barely think straight, my head is all cloudy.” 

She sounded miserable, and you thought back to a time where Alexia would only admit what was wrong once she hit her absolute breaking point. 

—

You hadn’t thought about it, until that day, that in the entire year you’d been with Alexia, you’d never seen her sick. Either the woman had an insane immune system, or she didn’t let you see her sick. But with an important training session today, Alexia couldn’t avoid you like she normally would have. And for some reason, she was having a harder time than normal pretending she was okay. 

Her movements were sluggish, her eyes squinting from the sun in a way they normally never did. She’d barely had any water, and her hands shook whenever she pointed out where she wanted the ball. Everyone could see it, but no one had the guts to tell their captain that she looked like she shouldn’t be training. 

Well, no one but you. You’d watched on for long enough, hoping that she would take a break for herself, without anyone having to make her, but after she pushed away a water bottle handed in her direction, opting instead to glare off into the distance, you were tired of waiting. Her face had grown alarmingly pale, suddenly devoid of any color despite the high temperatures. Training was almost done anyway, and you quietly asked the coach for permission to try to get Alexia to step away and go home with you early. He easily agreed, able to see like everyone else that your girlfriend was barely still on her feet. It was alarming that she didn’t notice you speaking to him, even more alarming when she didn’t move even an inch when you grabbed her hand in yours. Normally, she didn’t like to be very physical with you at work, wanting to remain professional. 

“Ale?” You said gently. She just grunted in response, staring off at the sky with her jaw clenched. “Come on, baby.” 

You’d correctly clocked that she wasn’t speaking, for whatever reason, so she was unable to argue with you as you began to pull her towards the locker room. Her hand was clammy in yours, and she stumbled slightly next to you as you both walked. You wrapped an arm around her waist, steadying her. Only when you arrived in the changing room did you let go, guiding her to sit down on the bench in front of her locker. 

“Alexia?” You prompted, crouching down in front of her. She looked at you for the first time, eyes filling with tears. Hastily, you placed both your hands on her knees, trying to soothe her. “Talk to me.” 

“I… I might be a little sick.” She managed, blinking hard. “I’m okay, though. Really.”  

“Alexia.” You fixed her with a look which only made her look like a defiant toddler. 

She frowned at you, not used to being called out on the bullshit she spewed when she was sick. “It’s just a little… insect?” 

“A little bug.” You corrected with a smile, rubbing your thumb across her cheekbone affectionately. “Tell me your symptoms.”  

“No-”

“Alexia, we have a match this weekend and if you want to be better in time, you need to tell me how sick you are so I can help.” 

Alexia’s frown deepened, but she relented, dropping her head as she spoke. “Throat hurts. Really bad.” She croaked, coughing weakly into the crook of her elbow. “Head. Stomach. Nose is all… stuffed.” 

She seemed genuinely distraught to be so ill, like her body had betrayed her, which you supposed it had. But this is what happened when you ran yourself into the ground, not that you’d tell Alexia that right now. That lecture could wait. 

“Okay. We’re going to go home, take a shower, take some cold medicine, and you’re going to go right to bed.” 

“Amor,” She whined, looking longingly back out at the training ground. 

You scoffed. “I’m not asking Putellas. Get your bag.” 

With a sigh and a glare sent your way, she slipped her boots off and her slides on as you did the same. She stood, bag slung over her shoulder, looking absolutely miserable as you both began to make your way to the car. You reached for her hand, a bit relieved when she intertwined her fingers with yours; she wasn’t really mad, then. It was silent for a few moments, before her raspy voice pulled you from your thoughts.  

“Amor? Can you carry my bag?” She asked quietly, her face burning with shame… or maybe that was just the fever. Either way, you smiled encouragingly at her, nodding and throwing her bag over your shoulder. It was one of the first times Alexia asked you for help in a genuine, meaningful way, and it made you ridiculously happy. 

—

Alexia didn’t seem to have the same reservations now as she did then, and for that you were grateful. She dutifully opened her mouth to let you take her temperature, her fingers fidgeting with Mila’s wisps of hair. The baby was out cold on her Mami, letting out the smallest and most adorable snores you’d ever heard in your life. 

The thermometer beeped and you pulled it away to check the little screen, frowning down at the result. 

“What?” Alexia asked, feeling irrationally worried that her fever would be high enough for her to need to go see a doctor. 

“I don’t know, Ale. This says you’re really hot.” You said, eyebrows knit together as you looked back up at her. 

“Too hot?” 

You forced yourself to remain serious. “Maybe we should see a doctor… but I’m not sure who specializes in making people less sexy?”

Alexia’s frown gave way to a small smile before she forced a glare back on her face. “Tonta. You scared me!” 

“You were frowning too much, I had to do something.” You laughed, patting her cheek affectionately. “Just a small fever, don’t worry. Move Mila a bit so I can get hers?”

Alexia shifted her arms protectively around the baby. “Amor she’s sleeping, don’t wake her.” 

You rolled your eyes, picking up the other thermometer, the one that went across the forehead. “This won’t wake her.” 

Alexia stared at you as you took Mila’s temperature, smoothing the thermometer across her forehead.  “Why didn’t you use that one on me?” She asked, borderline pouting at this point. 

“Your head is too big for it.” You said casually, reaching for the box that had Mila’s baby medicine in it. 

“Hey!” Alexia protested. “I have a regular sized head!” 

You chuckled, reading the label on the back of the box to yourself before giving Alexia your attention. “Ale, amor, that is a baby thermometer.” 

“Oh.” 

“Oh.” You mocked, dodging her hand as it came out to lightly hit your arm. “She has to take her medicine with food, but her fever isn’t too bad yet so I think we can let her sleep. You should eat something so you can take something, though.” 

Alexia grew pale at your words, and she shook her head. “No thank you.” 

“Not hungry?”Alexia shook her head again, lips pressed tightly together. “Are you nauseous?” 

This time, you got a small nod. You handed her her water bottle, instructing her to take small sips. “You’re probably dehydrated. Let me get you some electrolyte water.” 

“And cough drops, please. And a cool washcloth for my head. And one for Mila’s. And-”

“I’ll get it all, Ale, don’t worry.” You promised, amused as you always were at how easily Alexia now allowed you to take care of her. 

“Thank you, amor.” She called out sweetly, shifting under the covers so that her and Mila were nice and tucked in.

You shook your head, impressed with Alexia for her growth, and honestly with yourself for forcing it. She had, once, been the most difficult patient.

—

It was routine, at this point, for you to show up at Alexia’s the morning after a match, coffee and pastries in hand. You and Alexia both needed time to unwind by yourselves, so you each spent the night at your own apartments, before spending the entire off day together. Really, both of you wished deeply that there was no night away from each other, but the prospect of bringing that up and seeming clingy terrified you both out of saying anything. 

You knocked, as you always did, expecting your girlfriend to quickly answer the door, still cozy in her pajamas, all ready to spend the day the way she most liked; with you. This time, though, there was no audible movement from the other side of the door, no Alexia greeting you with a soft smile and a peck on the cheek. You knocked again, torn between worrying for Alexia, and worrying that, somehow, you’d completely missed some signal that she didn’t want you to come over today. 

Before you could knock for a third time, though, the door opened, just a crack. Alexia looked horrible, her face sickly pale and a sheen of sweat visible on her forehead. She had a deep frown set on her face, one that you immediately matched. 

“Ale-?”

“Go home. Please.”

The thought of feeling rejected didn’t even cross your mind, too concerned by the raspy sound of your girlfriend's voice, the squint of her eyes as she looked at you. 

“What’s wrong baby?” 

“Just a headache. I’ll be okay tomorrow.” She rasped, attempting to shut the door on you. You shoved your foot in just in time, hearing her sigh as she allowed you to push your way into her apartment. All the shades were drawn, every light off, and you quickly shut the door behind you, stopping the flood of light from the hallway. Alexia relaxed minutely after you did so, though she continued to try to get you to leave. “Amor, please. I just need quiet and sleep.” 

For a moment, you felt unsure of yourself. The last, and only, time you’d seen Alexia sick, it had been a quick 24 hour thing, and there wasn’t much you could do for her. There wasn’t much she’d let you do for her, other than dropping her off at home and allowing you to make sure she had cold medicine in her cabinet. 

You reached out, placing your hand on her arm, feeling slightly emboldened by the way she leaned into the contact. “You can have quiet and sleep even if I’m here taking care of you.” 

Alexia shook her head, grimacing at the motion. “No, it’s your day off. Go do something fun, you don’t have to be here with me.” 

You gave her an odd look, taking her hand in yours as you began to pull her back to her bedroom. “I want to be here. Besides, I won’t have any fun knowing you’re miserable here all by yourself.” 

“But amor,”

“No, Ale. I’m staying.” 

Acting more confident than you felt, you guided her towards her bed, shoving gently at her arms to get her to sit down on the edge. She slumped down, barely having the strength to hold herself up, let alone argue anymore with you. You sighed sympathetically, cradling her cheek in your hand. 

“Just a headache?” You asked doubtfully. 

Alexia let out a noise that was somewhere between a whimper and a groan, opening her eyes to blearily look at you. “Maybe… maybe it is a migraine.” 

“Maybe.” You scoffed quietly, guiding her to lay down and pulling the covers up around her. “I’ll let you sleep in a minute, but have you taken anything?” 

Your girlfriend’s grimace deepened. “No. I do not need anything.” 

“Ale-”

“I said no.” Alexia snapped, guilt panging in her chest at the hurt look on your face. She knew, logically, that you were just trying to help but the prospect of taking medicine, of admitting that she really wasn’t okay was completely terrifying to her. She didn’t want to admit any weakness, especially not to you. She had to be the strong one. That was the role she’d always played in relationships, the role she played in life, and she didn’t intend for that to change now. 

Alexia had to be okay, so that she could make sure you were okay. 

Ridiculously, she felt tears cloud her eyes, a few threatening to fall as you turned around and walked out of her room without another word. She didn’t object, thinking that you were leaving, and she deserved nothing less with the way she’d treated you today. The blonde remained silent as she cried, squeezing her eyes shut as if that would lessen the pain in her head, and in her chest. Only now that you were gone did she realize how much she wanted you to just… be here with her. 

Too focused on breathing through her tears, she didn’t hear you walking back into the room until you were right next to the bed, thumb brushing a tear off her cheek. 

“You’re okay, love. You’re going to feel better soon, please just take these for me.” You requested, holding out your hand in which a few pills sat. Alexia’s eyes blinked open in surprise, her lip trembling as she looked up at you in wonder. She reached for the pills, still completely silent, taking them dry.  

“I am sorry.” She rasped after a second. You reached for her water, brows knitted together as you tried to work out what she was apologizing for. “You can go. You do not have to stay, I understand.” 

You shook your head, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and pushing her hair out of her face. It was down, probably only making her hotter, and you made a mental note to put it up for her when you had a second. 

“Ale, I told you. I’m not going anywhere.” You promised, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. “Can I get you to eat something?” 

Your girlfriend still looked very confused. “N-no. I tried to eat and it didn’t go well.” She blushed heavily at the statement, but you didn’t look phased at all, continuing to stroke her hair. 

“Okay. Just small sips of water then. Anything else you need, baby?” 

Again, Ale shook her head. “No, I am okay. I am fine, amor, please do not worry or feel like you have to stay, I really feel fine-”

You cut her off, covering her mouth with your hand. She looked affronted, and you fought back a smile. 

“I’m staying, Alexia. And please stop saying you’re fine, you aren’t. It’s okay, you don’t have to be fine.” 

The blonde just blinked at you before slowly nodding her head. Her eyes were beginning to droop, her grip on your shirt loosening just slightly. 

“Okay, close your eyes. I’m just going to grab one more thing and then I’ll be back.” 

It only took a few minutes for you to grab a small towel out of her linen closet and wet it with cool water before returning to her room. Alexia’s eyes weren’t shut. Instead, they were open, tracking your every movement as she fought sleep. She sighed in relief when you laid the towel across her forehead, though she still clearly refused to let herself sleep, gaze still fixed on you. 

“Thank you.” She said softly, the words feeling inadequate, yet the look in your eyes told her that you understood how grateful she was in that moment. 

“Of course, baby. Do you need anything else?” 

Alexia hesitated for a moment, stealing herself before she took a deep breath and patted the spot on the bed next to her hopefully. You smiled at her, the sunshine smile she always got lost in, the sight of it making the pain in her head dull for just a moment. 

Before getting under the covers with her, you took your shirt off and discarded it onto the floor, for your benefit as much as hers. Alexia was absolutely radiating heat, but you didn’t dare pull the covers away from her while she was awake. 

Finally, you slid into the bed with Alexia. Nudging the midfielder forward, you situated yourself behind her, allowing her to rest back against your body. Her warm cheek turn to settle against your chest, and even though the towel touching your skin gave you chills, you were happy to provide her a bit of comfort. 

“Feeling a bit better?” You asked, brushing a piece of hair away from her sweaty forehead. 

“Yeah.” She admitted. 

She really was. Her head already felt better from the medicine, her body temperature wasn’t as suffocating, and the comfort she got from the feeling of being held by you was inexplicable. 

“You are… good medicine.” She mumbled, hands resting over where yours lay across her stomach. 

You smiled, pressing a kiss into her hair. Sick Ale, when she wasn’t being ridiculously stubborn, was incredibly adorable. 

—

It was this same medicine that Alexia preferred, even now. Years had passed, and she still swore that laying in your arms made her feel better than any pill she could take. Evidently, Mila agreed, because she’d spent the day either sprawled across either Alexia’s chest or yours. 

She stubbornly turned away from the little cup of medicine you tried to get her to take, grumpily grumbling into her Mami’s shirt as she hid from you. 

“Mila,” you laughed, running your nails up and down her back. The baby just grunted, though she’d started talking in earnest recently, phrases and sentences coming along nicely though she preferred one word answers most of the time. “Come on, baby. It’ll make you feel better.” 

“No.” Mila declared, clinging tightly onto Alexia’s shirt as if her Mami wouldn’t make her take the medicine she so despised. Which, in any other case, would have been accurate. Now, though, Mila’s temperature was high and she looked completely miserable. The medicine was necessary, and you both knew it. 

“Mila, venga.” Alexia pried her baby’s hands off her shirt, turning her around so there was nowhere for her to hide. Mila promptly burst into tears at the sight of you still sitting on the edge of the bed, the red liquid in hand. Alexia shushed her, sitting up with a frown, growing paler as she did so. 

“Don’t want it,” Mila sobbed, looking pleadingly between you and your wife. 

Alexia looked at you, and you looked right back at her. Being sick wouldn’t get Alexia out of having to play the bad cop; you’d made it clear that Alexia couldn’t just rely on you to be strict with Mila after the 10th time she picked Mila up from her tummy time before she was done. 

“I’ll take it with you, cariño, sí? You take your medicine, and Mama will put on a movie for you, and you can have some ice cream. Okay?” 

You rolled your eyes at the bribery, though you really didn’t care and were moments off of doing the same thing. 

“Okay.” Mila huffed dramatically, glaring as you brought the medicine to her lips. “No! Mami first.” 

“Vale, vale” Alexia chuckled, taking the cup from your hand and tossing it back easily. Mila watched her closely, looking somewhat placated when your wife didn’t make a face. You refilled the cup, smiling proudly when Mila allowed you to tip it into her mouth. She made a face, spluttering unnecessarily at the taste. 

“Yucky!” She exclaimed, frowning at the bottle of children's medicine until you put it on the nightstand, out of sight. “Ice cream.” 

“Okay, princesa. Ice cream.” You agreed, kissing her on the forehead and heading out of the room, not thinking to glance at your wife’s face. 

Something you would regret when you entered the room again, the question of if Mila wanted sprinkles or not on the tip of your tongue, only to find the two and a half year old sitting by herself on the bed, eyes fixed on the TV. 

“Mila? Where is Mami?” You wondered, glancing towards the bathroom door but not seeing a light coming from underneath. 

Wordlessly, Mila pointed to the bathroom, entranced by the movie playing. 

With a frown you walked to the bathroom door, knocking and waiting a beat before pushing it open. Alexia was hunched over the toilet, trying in vain to keep the sound of her being sick quiet. 

“Oh, Ale,” you sighed, leaving the door open a crack behind you before crouching down at your wife’s side. 

She finished, leaning back into you with an exhausted sigh. You flushed the toilet and allowed your wife to settle back against your chest. 

“Joder.” She swore. “That medicine is horrible, mi amor. I almost threw up all over Mila.” 

You laughed, running your hand up and down her abdomen. “I’m sorry, love. You were very brave.” 

She pouted slightly, sitting up off you and attempting to climb to her feet. “I’m just glad Mila didn’t throw up.” 

You got up too, wrapping an arm around her waist when she took an unsteady step towards the door. “Ale, don’t say that yet–”

As you were about to finish your sentence, almost as if she understood comedic timing, Mila shouted out from the bedroom. 

“Mami! Don’t feel good,” she cried, a tremble to her voice that told you what was coming. Abandoning Alexia in favor of saving your sheets, you moved as fast as you could out of the bathroom and to Mila’s side, arriving just a second too late. You rubbed her back as she threw up onto the bed, cringing internally at what cleaning this up would entail. Alexia stepped out of the bathroom, face going white again at the sight in front of her, wordlessly holding out her arms for Mila. 

“Bath time, mija.” She said soothingly, picking her daughter up and looking at you. “I can change the bedding once–”

You rolled your eyes fondly, gently nudging her towards the bathroom door. “No, Ale. I’ll handle the bed. You get her cleaned up.” 

Alexia nodded wearily, knowing full well she would only be capable of getting Mila clean before she collapsed back onto the bed in exhaustion. Hopefully, onto some clean sheets. 

“Sorry, Mami.” Mila whimpered, clinging on tight to your wife as she was carried into the bathroom. 

“It’s alright, Mija. I threw up, too. It happens. We just have to rest until we feel better, vale?” 

You smiled, beginning to pull the sheets off the bed. Ale had come so far her somewhat self destructive habits fading with time, and with love from you. She liked to take care of herself, now, if for no other reason than to be a good example for her daughter. 

You ended up under the fresh sheets and covers an hour later, your wife settled between your legs, back to your chest. You ran your fingers through her hair and she did the same to Mila, her daughter laid directly on top of her, dressed in a clean, fuzzy onesie. Mila was so much like your wife, and you were grateful for that every day. 

“Cariño? Do you want to take some more medicine?” Alexia wondered, rubbing her hand over her daughter’s back. After the earlier… incident… you’d agreed not to push the medicine issue, especially since Mila’s fever had dropped. 

Mila frowned up at her Mami, shoving her face into Alexia’s shirt. 

“No. Cuddles.” She grumbled. 

Alexia chuckled, kissing the top of her daughter's head. 

“Sounds familiar.” You noted, smiling softly at the shy grin on your wife’s face. "She's just like you."

“Yeah.” She agreed. “Thank you, amor.” 

Whether she was thanking you for Mila, or also reminiscing on her old stubborn self, you didn’t know. You just kissed her temple, happy to have given it all to her. 

“I love you.” You told her. 

“I love you too.” She whispered back. 

“Me?” Mila piped up, sniffling as she sat up and looked at the two of you expectantly. You and Alexia both laughed, your wife pulling Mila back down to lay against her. 

“Of course you, too, silly.” You said. 

“We love you the most.” Alexia promised. 

—

this has been in my drafts for. at least 3 months. maybe more. hope you enjoy :)

[pitchsidestories]

la furia roja II Laia Codina x Reader

masterlist I word count: 1408

a/n: based off this request, we always love to hear from you. ❤️

warnings: injury, bleeding, a furious Laia

Laia was seeing red.

Helplessly she saw you going to the ground after the midfielder from the other team fouled her girlfriend. For a moment her whole world stood still for the brunette once the player realized you must be in a lot of pain.

It was an important game for Arsenal, they needed to win this to qualify for the next Champions League qualification round which the team didn’t make it last year.

Under the strong floodlights, the Spanish defender noticed your head bleeding heavily.

Worried Laia called for you. “Y/n!”

“Someone needs to take a look at her.”, Kim said out loud, winking the medical team to your side.

While you could feel the warm blood dropping down your face.

“I’m fine, really.”, you tried to assure them.

“This is so much blood.”, Mariona muttered standing next to Kim to shield you from the curious cameras who were keen to film such dramatic incidents.

“And who’s fault was that?!”, Laia accused furiously the player who committed the foul against you.

“Laia, you need to calm down.”, you told her softly as the medical staff was guiding you carefully to the sideline.

“Laia, she’s right. It was an accident.”, the Spanish midfielder remarked in a gentle tone.

“No, she did that intentionally!”, your girlfriend claimed angrily, shaking off Mariona’s hand who had rested on her shoulder to soothe her nerves.

Meanwhile the adrenaline helped you with not feeling much of the pain that would be later. The team doctor bandaged your head to stop the bleeding effectively.

“Oh, I’ll look ridiculous.”, you stated with a sigh.

“Very Alex Grennwood.”, Leah commented with an amused grin on her lips.

“True.”, you agreed smiling weakly.

“No, from the way she complains about it, it’s more Alanna Kennedy.”, Steph observed.

“Doesn’t matter they’re both blonde, defenders and play for City, so they could be the same person.”, the second captain laughed.

Eagerly you waited until another interruption of the game happened to get back on the pitch.

Impatiently you returned to your position, turning your head to Mariona to ask her. “Did Laia really receive a yellow card now?”

“I tried but I couldn’t stop her.”, the older woman replied.

“It’s fine, Mario.”, you responded, luckily it wasn’t that long to play anymore anyway so that card didn’t affect the game as badly.

“It’s not fine!”, Laia protested upset that you played your head injury down in front of your friends.

The goalkeeper from the opposition was still down, you put a hand on your girlfriend’s chest to put her worries at ease.

“Laia.”

“That looked horrible.”, she confessed with a shaky voice, wrapping her arms around you protectively. A cool breeze came up, heralding the arrival of autumn and the end of summer.

“I know but I promise you it looked way worse than it actually was.”, you gave her your word, soothing the worried lines on her forehead.

Kim interrupted the two of you, clearly annoyed that you kept talking during the game: “Come on, girls. You can talk about that later, we have ten more minutes to go.“

“Right, vamos!“, Mariona agreed, clapping her hands for motivation.

Laia looked over at you, then nodded once: “Okay, let’s go.“

The last minutes of the game dragged out like viscously flowing honey. By the time the referee blew the final whistle, the bandage the doctors had wrapped around your head had come undone, sliding down over your left ear.

Still, neither this nor your head injury could keep you from celebrating moving on to the second round of the Champions League qualification. One more step and your dream would come true.

“Next round of CL qualification, here we come!“

You bounced on the balls of your feet with excitement while you hugged your teammates, a huge grin plastered on your face. At least until someones hands appeared on your shoulders, keeping you standing still.

Looking up, you met Laias eyes who studied your face with unusual sternness: “Calm down, no jumping.“

“Sorry, it just feels so good after not making it last year.“, you apologized, not really sorry. You felt fine and wanted to enjoy this moment.

Your girlfriends eyes softened, knowing how badly you wanted to play UWCL: “Yes, I know. But…“

“But…?“, you asked, hoping she would complete her sentence.

“We need to take care of your head now.“, she said and you wondered if that was what she actually wanted to say.

You sighed: “After thanking the fans, okay?“

“No.“

“But-“, you started but stopped yourself. You weren’t even sure what you wanted to say. You just wanted her to finally stop worrying. The doctors had let you continue the game after all.

“Stay here.“, Laia begged, her hand gently encircling your wrist.

With one last look at the fans cheering from the stands, you finally agreed: “Fine…“

“Thanks. Now how do you feel?“, the Spanish defender asked, her features relaxing a bit more.

You thought about your answer for a moment. You didn’t want to worry her but you also didn’t want to lie.

“Okay, just a bit dizzy.“, you finally admitted. Maybe she was right and the celebrations had been a tad too much. But it was fine, you have had worse injuries in your career.

But of course Laias face turned into a frown, the worried line between her eyebrows making a reappearance. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want to sit down? Do you need water?“

You carefully shook your head, just in case the vertigo could worsen: “Only want to go home now…“

“Okay. We’ll get our stuff and then we’ll go home.”, she nodded in an earnest tone.

Cautiously you turned around to look into the eyes of your two friends, biting your lip guiltily. “Wally, Mario, is it okay If we do the dinner another time soon?”

“Of course! Don’t worry about it. Go home and rest.”, Lia replied, giving you a brief but comforting hug.

“Thanks, you two are the sweetest.”, you answered, smiling at the couple in front of you.

“And maybe just maybe Laia can properly cool down. You should let her do an ice bath.”, Mariona teased the defender.

“Hey! I was just worried about her.”, Laia defended herself.

“Yeah, you were a furia on the pitch.”, the midfielder remembered chuckling.

“That’s called being Spanish.”, your girlfriend shrugged.

“Nah, you’re usually less aggressive.”, Mariona remarked.

“It was about her, okay?”, the brunette responded passionately.

“Okay, but pretty sure everyone knows that she’s your girl.”, the older woman commented amused.

“They do now at least.”, Laia said with a proud grin on her lips.

“Oh god, Laia, what have you done.”, you mumbled half seriously half-jokingly, hiding your face into her side.

“Nothing.”, your girlfriend smiled innocently.

“Sure, let’s go now we can deal with the fans tomorrow.”, you pulled her hoodie as you made your way to the front door.

“Please.” Right before you left you waved your teammates goodbye, when you stepped outside into the dark of the night.

At home you were shaking your head slightly while your girlfriend was gathering all the things you could possibly need in this moment.  “You know that I’m not that badly injured, right?”

“It’s a head injury after all.”, Laia disagreed whole-heartedly.

“Yes, but you already took good care of me.”, you reminded her softly.

“And now I make sure you rest enough.”, she declared leading you to the bedroom you shared, the only light source on were the fairy lights wrapped around the top bedframe giving everything in it’s reach a soft glow.

“I do.”, you protested as you made yourself comfortable.

“I got you pillows, water and some snacks.”, your girlfriend listed.

“Thanks, Laia.”, you kissed her cheek, hoping it transmitted the gratefulness you felt towards her.

“You’re welcome, amor.”, Laia waved it off.

After she had joined you on the bed you glanced at her with a shy smile. “I could really need your hugs right now.”

Without another word the brunette pulled you into her strong arms, with closed eyes you inhaled your familiar, calming, fresh out of the shower scent.

“They’re the best.”, you hummed.

“Better.”, she asked.

“Yes.” You paused for a second before adding. “Te amo.”

“I love you too, amor.”, she whispered her voice thick with emotions.

No more words needed to be said that night. You could feel the love tonight you had for each other.

[bookwormjust]

A little haircut (established relationship with Cassian, long hair to short hair)

You stood in front of the mirror, running your fingers through the newly cut curls framing your face. Your hair, once long and cascading down your back, now sat just above your shoulders, the bouncy curls still intact but giving you a completely different look. It had been a spur-of-the-moment decision—a change you'd wanted for a while. And while you loved the way it looked, you couldn’t help but wonder how Cassian would react when he saw it.

The front door opened, and you heard his heavy boots thudding on the floor as he came in from a long day of training. You could feel his presence, strong and familiar, filling the house. You turned away from the mirror, anticipation fluttering in your stomach as you waited for him to come find you.

“Sweetheart, where are you?” Cassian called out, his voice warm as ever.

“Bedroom,” you replied, trying to keep the smile from creeping into your voice.

A moment later, he appeared in the doorway, but the moment his eyes landed on you, he froze. His jaw literally dropped as he stared at your short hair, his hazel eyes wide with shock and disbelief. He blinked once, twice, as if trying to process what he was seeing.

“Wha—what happened to your hair?” Cassian finally asked, his voice a mixture of confusion and something almost like heartbreak. He took a step closer, his eyes still locked on your now short, curly locks. “Where’s all of it?”

You chuckled softly, reaching up to fluff your curls playfully. “It’s still here, Cass. Just… a little less of it.”

He blinked again, stepping even closer as if inspecting you. His hands hesitated by his sides, like he wasn’t sure whether to touch or just stand there in shock. “But… it was so long and—” His voice broke slightly, and he looked at you with something almost like sadness. “I loved your long hair.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his expression, a mix of disbelief and genuine emotion. “Cassian, it’ll grow back. I just wanted a change.”

He blinked again, as if he still couldn’t quite comprehend it. His hand finally reached out, gently touching a curl that now barely reached your shoulder. “But it’s so short,” he murmured, his voice quiet, as though the loss of your hair had left him in mourning.

You bit your lip, trying to hold back the giggle that threatened to escape. “It’s still hair, Cass. Just… less of it.”

Cassian let out a dramatic sigh, dropping his hand to his side and shaking his head, though there was a playful glint in his eyes now. “I wasn’t ready for this,” he muttered, as if it were the most serious thing in the world. “No warning, no preparation.”

You laughed, stepping forward and wrapping your arms around his waist. “I didn’t realize you were so attached to my hair.”

Cassian wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head, his lips lingering there for a moment longer than usual. “I was,” he said, his voice soft now, teasing but still affectionate. “But I guess I’ll get used to it. You look beautiful, as always.”

You smiled into his chest, feeling the warmth of his embrace and the love in his words. “You really like it?” you asked, a little more seriously

[yeonbinwyd]

you’re worth it

pairing: subfem!reader x softdom/top!Soobin x softdom/bottom! Yeonjun

synopsis: you’re close friends with Yeonjun and Soobin but what people don’t understand is the three of you are much closer than most people think.

genre (w/tags): smut, (minors dni), kinky sex, body exploration,explicit language, threesome, mentions of alcohol, size kink, mastubation , voyeurism?, breeding kink?

Word Count: 1287

It was like a dream. You had lived with both your closests friends. They honestly would take care of you, cook your meals and would clean. Most importantly they would really take care of you.

“What do you want to eat tonight? Yeonjun asked you from the kitchen. You had been lounging on the couch, enjoying the weekend.

“Hmm surprise me” you say with a smile. The two of you giggle. Soobin turns the corner with a turned off vacuum.

“Ok your room is cleaned. I’ll clean the bathroom next.” He wipes his forehead of the sweat.

“Take break for a bit and join us” Yeonjun suggests. He takes a seat beside you. Yeonjun sits on the other side, putting down the drinks he made for the three of you.

“Here’s to the weekend” you lift up your glass for a cheers. The two men join you in the small celebration. You all take a sip, enjoying the taste of the champagne Yeonjun bought.

“Ooh this tastes so good. I’m Impressed.” You compliment his choice.

“I know you taste even better.” Yeonjun says with a smirk. You shake your head. Soobin places his hand on your thigh. He’s always a bit territorial of you. Yeonjun notices.

“Don’t worry you’ll get your turn too.” Yeonjun teases Soobin. Soobin is also a but competitive but Yeonjun doesn’t take him seriously. Soobin takes another sip then wraps his arm around your waist. “Me first” he claims as he pulls you closer. Yeonjun doesn’t care and kisses you on the mouth. Soobin joins in by making kisses on your chest. You separate the two from you.

“Let’s start over. Nice and slow” you instruct. Soobin unwraps his hand leaning in to kiss your lips. Yeonjun does the same. As the three of you kiss, they both fight for control over you. Lips battling it out, you run your hands through their hair and down their necks. Them both taking turns kissing each side of your neck. You let your lips slide away to let the two fight for control. You watch as they passionately kiss each other not taking the moment to realize you’re gone but that was fine with you. Soobin catches a glance at you with a cheeky smile. He pulls away from Yeonjun and pulls you back in. Yeonjun shifts his focus on you and Soobin does the same. Yeonjun behind you this time while Soobin takes the front. Yeonjun starts by nibbling on your ear lobe down your neck. Soobin goes for your breasts, cupping them and giving them a squeeze. You moan a bit, throwing your head back. Yeonjun helps you take off your top while soobin does your panties. Once Soobin takes them off, he’s ready to dive in. Yeonjun spreads your legs, assisting him in getting a good view. Yeonjun’s hold was always secure so you knew they weren’t going to hold back. Soobin takes a lick on your clit, driving you wild. He flicks his thumb there so he can see your face in enjoyment.

“I love seeing you like this” Soobin moans in approval. Yeonjun nods with a giggle, still holding you tight. Soobin goes back down for more while Yeonjun kisses you on the mouth. Your lips locked with his, whining hard to Soobin’s oral. There was so much happening but you couldn’t get enough. Impaient, Soobin wants control. Your moan filled kisses weren’t enough for him. Before he could take over, Yeonjun decides to go first as he sees Soobin back away. Yeonjun shifts from sitting and stands the two of you up. While bending you forward, arching your back, Yeonjun takes a look at your cunt from behind.

“It looks so good every time I see it.” He says while spreading your lips. Soobin comes behind and takes a look as well. Soobin starts to rub his length but he didn’t want to take it out yet. Yeonjun wanted first dibs, in one fast move, he took off his sweats to let out his hard on. Covered in pre cum, he plunges in. You yell at the sudden movement but Yeonjun leaned over you to rub your clit.

“I’m sorry baby I couldn’t wait” he coos. He uses fingers to rub more aggressively as he picks up his stroke momentum. Soobin takes a seat, watching Yeonjun plow into you. He can’t help but be turned on too. Soobin takes out his length, jerking off to the two of you. Yeonjun sees him and pulls you over to him by your hips. The two of you get on your knees, giving you access to Soobin.

“Suck on him baby” Yeonjun instructs. Soobin stands to his feet. You grab his thighs for support. You take him in your mouth very slowly. That’s how he liked it. Soobin was pretty big too. You knew to take it slow. You moan on his dick from the strokes from Yeonjun. It sends shivers up Soobin’s spine. The three of you in pure ecstasy. Yeonjun not letting up, causing you to not give Soobin the most attention he deserves. He’s s ok with it though. He wants to ruin you during his round.

Yeonjun is close, he pulls you away from Soobin to grip your neck from behind. Yeonjun makes eye contact with Soobin before closing his eyes.

“I’m so close baby” he rubs your clit and thrusts into you so rapidly you start to cum. He pulls out and cums on your ass. You tire out and manage to land on the floor beside the two. You needing a quick break, Yeonjun locks eyes with Soobin again. Yeonjun gets down on his knees before him, taking in his length in his mouth. Soobin groans deeply as he swallows him whole. Yeonjun tries to keep his eye contact but as he takes him in, Yeonjun chokes a bit. His eyes begin to weld up but won’t give up. Soobin grabs his face.

“C’mon you can take it” Soobin encourages. He starts thrusting in his mouth, causing the tears to roll down his cheeks. You cleaned up a bit and managed to get back for round two with Soobin. Yeonjun is thankful, releasing his member. Soobin sees you, takes a seat back down. He opened his arms very welcoming. His penis standing up tall, waiting for you. You straddle him, slowly going down on him. He closes his eyes tight at just this feeling alone. He held you close, entangling his arms around your waist. He didn’t even care about any movement, the warmth from your pussy was enough for him. You start to ride him, slamming your body on him.

“Just like that. Uhh I can’t get enough” he compliments. As you pick up the pace he feels you squeezing around him.

“Please don’t do that though. You’ll make me cum” he cries out. You don’t listen and purposely squeeze tighter. Eyes rolled back, he feels the inner animal take control. He lifts you, switching you into the lounge chair. Soobin now in control starts thrusting aggressively into you.

“You want me to cum? Fine I’m cumming in you” he growls, holding your legs in place around him. He’s deeper than ever before. Something came over him. Honestly Yeonjun was shocked too. Soobin roughly kisses you as his thrusts are bulging out of your stomach. Breath taken away, you’re unable to moan. Wave after wave of pleasure comes over you. He parts from your lips and cries out in a moan so loud, your neighbors are hearing it. He cums deep inside of you, leaving you speechless. The three of you look at each other in disbelief. You not walking in a couple of days.

[plutonium-sky]

AIGHT HERE WE GO.

So! About the revelation I mentioned with WL and Eden statues- I’m going to give some context first. Me and @halcyon-xxy-art were discussing some Sky DND stuff, and then had an interesting idea- what if there was light corruption, alongside dark corruption?

We immediately establish dark corruption as the crystalized bodies, with the soul (light) trapped inside. The thing is, we wanted to make it so that there wasn’t any weakening of their light- it’s just that there is more darkness. After that got put out, we started thinking about what light corruption would look like, and Aria basically perfectly described a Winged Light. That’s when I had my revelation. What if Winged Lights are sky kids who got light overflow?

I’ll elaborate on that in a bit when I establish another fact we put out right after. Skykid DO have darkness inside them. It’s just hidden in a way no one would expect- it’s right in front of us. A skykid’s darkness would be their physical Body. And, if we go by that logic, their light would be everything else that the body holds- their light and Soul.

And then we added more to the corruption parts. Darkness corruption would work that the soul is trapped inside the body- and cannot return to Megabird (it would slowly weaken inside, losing its power bit by bit as the overbearing darkness drains it.) Light corruption was easy to figure out from there as well. The soul doesn’t have a body to guide it back to the cycle (it had burnt it away, and now the soul is horribly exposed, frozen in time, until a new, temporary vessel guides it back to freedom.)

The skykid’s body needs to walk alongside a delicate balance of light and dark, lest things go to SHIT for them. Too much light will result in being corrupted and overloaded by it, and the body will burn and flake away and the soul be frozen in time and space without the body to guide it back to the cycle. Too much darkness will slow them down, overtake them, eventually turning the skykid into an immovable statue, the soul covered on all sides, and it’s now trapped in a cage of its own making.

Also, absorbing WL (the lost souls of someone else) benefits us instead of harming us because all the overloaded light is still being taken by the other’s soul, not yours. Of course, a little still leaks through- and that’s why it makes flying easier. It’s a sort of…. symbiotic relationship, where the sky kid gives the soul a temporary vessel for it to rest in, while the soul helps the vessel, benefitting it as safely as it can. It takes more WL the longer you have to fly for safety concerns- if they keep on sharing the same amount of energy, the light corruption will happen once more, to a new victim, and now there will be two souls trapped beside each other.

Also, the body and soul theory is further supported by sky kids extinguishing. NORMALLY, we don’t grow crystals. By normally I mean stuff like rain and non-shard crabs. That would be a “normal” death- we aren’t corrupted, the soul and body are still in balance. There’s the pity WL too- you can still be saved. For lore reasons, I’m going to partially ignore the fact that you would still get a pity WL if you lost all of yours to a krill, shard, or shard crabs, because let’s be honest- it’s just ingame things. And, if my memory serves my right (I can’t play sky at the moment to check properly), you would grow crystals for all of those deaths- corrupted by darkness.

There’s then Eden. We run around, giving WL to the lost to darkness bodies of sky kids- or perhaps spirits. Honestly, it doesn’t matter. But, what matters is that somehow, this works in freeing them. My theory for how is that the light corrupted and overloaded soul helps balance out the dark corrupted body, sharing its light with the trapped soul inside. By the point we find the eden bodies, though, the souls are so weakened that they’re barely there- my explanation as to why we don’t see double the winged lights in orbit. They need time to recover.

The last nail in the coffin for this theory, to me, is the cutscene in eden that happens when we finally lose all of our winged light and become a statue ourselves. Where we fall in darkness, as a dark figure, then land. The light and dark of our being in a limbo meet. The light (soul) is sitting there, unmoving, trapped. Meanwhile, us, as the darkness (body) moves, going back to the light, to guide them back. This supports my “the light and soul cannot be guided without the darkness of their body” talk- because it IS the body guiding the soul here. It frees us.

TLDR? Skykids aren’t only light- they are also darkness. The light is their soul and the dark is their body. Without a body, lost because of various reasons (the one I gave is being overloaded/corrupted by light), the soul is trapped and we see this ingame as Winged Light. This creates a delicate balance where there can’t be too much light or too much dark in the soul and body. When you are corrupted by darkness, the soul gets trapped but it is still there. A normal death for a sky kid is when no crystals grow on their body. Eden statues are helped with WL because the overloaded darkness and the overloaded light balance each other out.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, hope it lived up to your expectations.

[teehhhhhhhhhhh]

haha finally debuting my magical girl marvels au! i was thinking of a manga cover while making this; i really wanted it to have a kinda hyperpop and sailor moon style.

So! In my version of this AU, the Marvels travel through different dimensions to fight the forces of evil to balance the multiversal scale! They do this, via train! The train is usually a subway, but it magically adapts to the dimensions they are in. (Ex. Submarine Looking Train for a mainly water dimension, an old style train for a dimension with a earlier timeline.)

Billy Batson is a Train Conductor! I based his outfit on those train conductor uniforms and I really like it. His main base powers are, of course, lighting, and the ability to make portals! He uses the portals in his fighting style, dodging with portals instead of blocking attacks. Billy can only teleport to a mirror dimension without the aid of the train, so he actually teleports to the mirror dimension in fights when he dodges, then portals back to the og dimension. The train boosts his powers so his ability to travel to the mirror dimension is enhanced, and he can travel to other dimensions when using the train. (Other then that, its a basic portal power lol)

Mary’s design was inspired by fairy tale princes, which is actually really random but I made it work. I wanted the three of them to be different genres of magical girls, but still fit look like they are in the same style. Her base powers in this AU is basically charisma (yes, literal charms), and lightning. So, her charisma powers are pretty much just that people will be more inclined to do things her way; she lets off an aura of power + confidence that no one can say no to (besides Billy and Freddy, they are immune). She also will look extremely intimidating to people when she wants to. So in a nutshell, her power is to change the way people perceive her, and use that to her advantage. Mary often uses this to do undercover work, or info gathering about the dimension they are in.

Freddy, is a mermaid based magical girl. He can shift between having a mermaid tail and his legs. His base powers are hydrokinesis (ability to control water) and (can you guess it?) lightning! Though not shown here, Freddy actually uses water to float himself around. The water is thinly covered over his body and he uses that to get around without his crutches. He learned how to do this after seeing how he can float in the water when swimming. Freddy doesn’t do this all the time because it requires a lot of control and it can tire himself out. He used to do it all the time, but once in a battle, he shifted all his focus into the fight and lost control of the water that makes him float. Freddy learnt to not completely rely on his powers all the time after that. I’ll go more into this specific event later bc I think this scenario would really impact how Freddy sees his disability, and how he learns to accept it. I imagine this Freddy is more recently disabled and that he still has bitter feelings about it. The thing with Freddy’s dad in the boat still happened (they got attacked by one of Billy’s enemies), and that’s when he got his leg injury. He met Billy that way and got his powers. (Basically just how CM3 got his powers.. idk why im explaining it)

The thing is that I, myself, am not disabled so I need a bit of help understanding what that would be like to accurately write Freddy’s struggles with his disability. 😭

Another thing is that I’m not sure what their hero names would be? I tried doing those precure names like ‘Cure Marvel!’ but that would only work for one of them and I would still need names. Marvel *insert something here* or *something* Marvel is an idea but I wouldn’t know what to put.

yeah, theres my au lol maybe i’ll post more about it

[myslutwritings]

Hi, i was wondering how the uppermoons react to the reader aka the love of their life crying herself to sleep after a huge argument, like they walk into their shared bedroom to find the reader laying on the bed with tear stained cheeks flushed face mouth slightly open, i know i know it's way too angst-y but i love being comforted when i cry and i am a cry baby so... Pretty please🥺

wowie😂 y’all seem to dig the crybaby reader headcanons so here’s some angst my lovelies!!

➤ Uppermoons comforting reader after an argument.

pairing/featuring: crybaby!reader x the three uppermoons! content warning: lots of angst, douma has emotions, OOC!uppermoons, semi-nsfw, smaller reader, size difference, crybaby!reader.

— note: sorry if this comes off as cheesy! this is pure fluff headcanons for those who are sad and find comfort in our three lovely demons! so i wanted to go all out😅 so the uppermoons aren’t going to be THAT in character. [not proof read btw]

KOKUSHIBO <3

Kokushibo (the uppermoon one) and you got into one extremely heated and serious argument that day..

Is argument even the right word at this rate? more like a fight.

Like so bad you guys were screaming at each other the same way toxic parents who weren’t ever in love would fight. 🥲

The fight was so severe to the point where kokushibo just upped and left you alone for hours. He didn’t desire to fight that night and was exhausted from your constant screaming.

However..

Returns later that night to apologize since the fight was his fault only to find you crying in y’all’s shared bedroom..

Gods.. what has he done?!

Okay now he feels even worse. this is going to be troublesome considering he already has a hard time being intimate and expressing his feelings.

After all, koku here is very avoidant. but he’s not trying to be.

You immediately stop crying once you feel his presence. How long has he been standing there?

you want to tell to go away

you want to tell him you hate him (you don’t)

you want to say you love him

you want to say so many things

But nothing comes out.. you just can’t speak properly due to the utter anguish you’re in over the fight..

you’ve always been the biggest crybaby, a sensitive soul.

Kokushibo has always reassured you that he loved that about you. as if you’re the purest and most beautiful flower. an angel sent from the gods themselves.

Finally, you muster up the courage to speak

But right before you blurt out anything Kokushibo gathers you up on his arms and cradles you on his lap.

The gesture makes you eyes water more and you just end up sobbing into his shoulder muttering: “i’m sorry” over and over again.

some phrases you’ll hear from Kokushibo while crying are;

“i’m deeply sorry, my love. my intention was to never make you shed this many tears. That’s the last thing i want to do..”

“Please, no more tears, my dearest petal. I can’t stand witnessing you in such a state of misery. I’m so sorry for leaving you alone.. it’s my fault and i should’ve tried to communicate with you instead of leaving you alone like that.. you’re my one and only and i’ll never do something this foolish ever again.”

Koku isn’t the very best at communication nor is he the talking type but when it comes to you he’ll go out of his way to talk to you all night long until you feel better! <3

The both of you end up cuddling all night.

He plays with your soft hair and keeps an eye on you as you rest.

Even if you fall sleep he still won’t leave. He’s going to hold you in his protective embrace while you sleep me until you wake.

DOUMA <3

Oh my! his poor sweet lotus crying to themselves after an argument? now, this won’t stand..

Now let’s skip the part where he feels emotions for you.

Anyway-

Douma is not really an argumentative kind of guy..

i mean, sure, he’ll joke around with lord-akaza but that’s all for great fun! :D

And lets not forget the numerous times muzan has chastised him or when he had to listen to his long-rants about how worthless he and his superiors are for not being able to seek out the blue spider lily.

So, when you two break out into an argument.. he doesn’t yell back. he kinda disregards your feelings and accuses you of being silly and just teases you for it.

I mean, you are being over-dramatic, right?

Honestly, he’s not used to it when you yell and break down afterwards..

Douma’s never seen you so upset before! :(

Okay, he may know how to ‘comfort’ people but we all know that’s a façade.

Deadass doesn’t know what to do. it’s different because with you he actually cares (more than you know.)

Is torn between giving you space and just forcing you into his embrace and babying you until you stop crying like how he does with his disciples.

Douma is clingy. he’s always been very clingy and touchy. this rainbow-eyed man is glued to you 24/7. 🥹

As predicted, his clingyness gets the better of him and he follows you like a lost puppy once you runaway in tears.

He didn’t mean for this to happen nor to make you so upset.

You’re crying on your futon and he stands there for a good second witnessing you in distress. he’s still feeling hesitant.

He isn’t used to these emotions bubbling up into his gut right now.. and doesn’t like it one bit! he needs it to vanish as fast as possible.

Douma ignores your protests while he gathers you up into his strong arms and lays you across his lap bridal-style.

Kisses your tears away and gives you love bites since he has a habit of doing that. usually it makes you giggle when he does that but this time you only recoil from his touch.

“Aw, don’t pull away from me!”

**cue the pouting**

Douma will legitimately comfort you this time instead of putting on that act he does with his followers.

Some phrases you’ll hear from douma are:

“Hush now, my darling! it’ll be okay! i- i didn’t mean to upset you, honest! i can’t let you go.. i can’t leave you alone when you’re crying like this..”

“Hey, hey! shh.. it’s okay sweetie! i’m here for you! let’s wipe those tears off your pretty face, hm? oh, you’re beautiful no matter what even if you’re crying but i would much rather you smile for me! can you do that for me, dear?~”

“I love you so much, [name]! I promise i didn’t mean to make you upset.. it won’t happen again! please just try to communicate with me more so we won’t fight like this again!Of course i’ll do the same in return.. these emotions i felt today were something i never want to experience gain!”

Much like kokushibo. Douma isn’t the best communicator either.

Sure, the man may be a yapping machine but it takes him a hot minute to realize his wrong-doings and talk it out with you!

By the way he’ll probably tease you after this night so be prepared.

Probably would initiate sex to make you relax since you’re so damn tense but will understand if you decline. 

AKAZA <3

Good lord, he’s the MOST emotional and sympathetic out of everyone.

Akaza tends to yell a lot, he suffers from anger issues and can be passive aggressive so it’s quite easy to get him riled up.

This fight in particular was worse than usual.

Like wayyyy worse.

Akaza actually hates, hates, HATES, HATES, fighting with you.

So he’s on the verge of tears himself and angry with himself for being so weak to argue with you back instead of being the bigger and stronger person in this situation.

More importantly, he made you cry, he’s most disappointed in himself for that.

Akaza isn’t too clingy, on very rare occasions he is though.

Akaza has attachmemt issues but doesn’t show it that often (that’s my headcanon for him)

So bro’s attachment issues are literally SPIRALING in this moment.

Calls out for you when you runaway but you don’t turn back and that’s what he knows he’s fucked up.

Will do ANYTHING to make you forgive him and to stop crying.

Wants to respect you but he knows he’ll go apeshit if he leaves you alone so he takes a hot minute before running after you.

He’ll knock on your door. f you don’t answer he’ll just waltz right in like he owns the place.

Starts yapping as soon as the door swings open.

Poor thing, he’s flipping out. 😭

“Baby!! please don’t cry!! shit.. i’m sorry!”

You look at him

Is he.. tearing up?

You feel guilty for overwhelming him but you’re also still mad at him.. you can’t bring yourself to apply him with the reassurance and comfort he craves in that moment even though you want to..

Akaza will get more needy if you ignore him and crawl into bed with you to spoon you from behind. His hands swiftly snake around your waist and you feel your back flush against his bare chest as he buries his face into the crook of your neck.

He’s mumbling “i’m sorry, pretty girl..” under his shuddering breath.

He is NOT letting you go until morning.

Akaza will pepper feather-like kisses upon your neck from behind and squeeze your waist while whispering comforting words into your ear.

He’s really not letting you go until you forgive him. 😞

Phrases you’ll hear from Akaza after an argument:

“Come here, honey.. i’m really sorry. believe me, i didn’t mean anything i said. i was a damn idiot!”

“Sweetheart, i love you so so much it hurts.. you mean the fucking world to me! i would kill for you, i would even die for you.. you bring out this special part of me in which i feel like myself.. only YOU have the power to do that. i would never leave you or let anything bad happen to you, honest!”

He embraces you and will probably end up turning you around so you can face him.

he appreciates it when you look into his eyes when he’s talking to you about something important.

You making eye-contact with him sends him onto cloud nine 😩

Akaza just wants to see your pretty face! 💗💗

Even if you take your time forgiving Akaza he will understand and never love you any less.

[johnwickb1tsch]

Sympathy for the Devil ~ Part 14

A Donaka Mark x housekeeper!Reader fic, based on the amazing @discoscoob 's concept & bot!

Warnings: Donaka Mark is a bad man with a soft spot for you. dark romance, possessive behavior, nonconsensual voyeurism, red flag red flag girl!🔺, psychological games, power imbalance, dubcon/nsfw. PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS!!!

one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine. ten. eleven. twelve. thirteen.

Fourteen 十四

When the end of the day comes, you do not dare defy Donaka again so soon. You report to his room–and find it strangely empty. 

A single lamp burns at the bedside. You slowly make your way through, half expecting him to jump out at you just to hear you scream. But all you find is a note, with a beautiful little potted orchid beside it. The flower is certainly an unexpected touch, and you can’t stop yourself from stroking the meaty white petals. 

You read:

I’ll be out late. Make yourself comfortable. -D

There is a nightgown set out upon the bed. It looks like real silk, and you are relieved it’s nothing too ridiculous, no complicated straps or suggestive cutouts. Just soft, ivory colored fabric, thin straps, a little tasteful lace. You peek at the tag, and nearly fall over when you see Yves Saint Laurent. 

This garment may have cost as much as a plane ticket home.

You wander into the bathroom next, your brightly printed little travel bag of toiletries looking fairly ridiculous next to his sleek black boutique purchased items. You open a bottle of his lotion, taking an experimental sniff. Something light, slightly herbal. You’re fairly sure the characters on the label aren’t Chinese, but Korean. You put it down. 

You hate to admit that Donaka’s rainhead shower is pretty fucking fantastic after a long hard day. And so is his soft mattress, that feels like laying on a cloud. You don’t even have the energy to snoop around while he’s not here–and he’s probably watching you anyway. You’re not sure where the camera is yet, but you are sure it’s there.

You think on how the room is unlocked now, but you do not dare attempt an escape tonight. You almost wonder if this is a test–or a trap. It would be just like him to bait you like that. 

Feeling slightly cheeky since you’re all alone, you take your half out of the middle of the big bed, and snuggle up with a pillow that smells delectably of him. Even in his absence, you cannot escape Donaka Mark. Have fun watching me snore you big creep.  

You wonder where he is, before sliding into a surprisingly deep sleep.

You don’t know what time it is, only that it is still dark out, when he slips into bed behind you, moulding his long body around yours. You are not quickly coherent when woken from the depths of dreamland. In fact, it could be said that you are downright stupid. The sharp edges of your earlier fight forgotten in this state, you groan, snuggling back into his warmth. “Back so soon from committing acts of villainy?” you murmur.

You only think you’re making a joke.

His soft chuckle behind you is pure dark chocolate–bitter, yet somehow delicious. “Mmm hmm.” You slowly undulate against him as his big hand runs over your curves, the thin silk barrier between you a wickedly marvelous thing. “Were you a good girl while I was away?” His voice is a gravely rumble in your ear that curls your toes. 

“I thought about setting the house on fire, but I like it too much,” you grumble into the pillow. 

Again, he laughs lowly, a deep sound that awakens your desire once more. “I know you like it here,” he whispers into your hair, a possessive hand cupping your breast, lightly teasing your nipple. “I think you even like me. Just admit it.” 

“Not right now, I don’t,” you grumble, even as you writhe back against him, his erection pressing into the seam of your bottom a maddening thing. Maybe you’re still half asleep–but you really have lost your goddamn mind for this man. All thoughts of revenge have flown for now, replaced only by the warm, slow simmer of need for his body pressed against yours.

“No? Doesn’t feel like it.” You sigh as he slips his hand beneath the skirt of your nightie, finding nothing but bare skin, no panties to your name. “Oh, I like this,” he tells you, running his fingers up the sensitive seam of your legs. A plaintive whine escapes you, as he places his velvety fever-hot flesh between the soft cushion of your thighs, teasing you. “It feels…” He moves his hips just slightly, bestowing the barest minimum of friction. “Like you actually obeyed me for once.” 

It’s true. You didn’t give in to the low-burning desire that nearly drove you insane all the rest of the day. Partly because of his orders, and the way he scared you today, and partly…because you knew it just wouldn’t be as good without him.  

You growl into your pillow, hoping the cushioned down will mask some of your need for this man’s thick, beautiful cock inside you. It’s not fair, that such a bad man should be built as though the very shape of him was made for pleasing you.  

“What was that?”

“Just this once,” you sigh, and he chuckles behind you. 

“Hmm. I think someone wants her reward.” 

You hadn’t forgotten about it, though you’d figured at this point you’d never find out what he’d had in store for you. You doubt you’ll ever meet his standards for truly good behavior. 

“I want this,” you answer, squeezing his manhood between your thighs, angling yourself so that you almost capture the tip of him at your entrance. The sound he makes from deep in his chest raises gooseflesh all across your skin, your nipples tightening into aching points. You were no blushing virgin before you came here, but jesus christ has this man turned desire into a painful business for you. You’ve never wanted anyone before, to the point where you would throw yourself on a fire for them. It’s what this feels like, with Donaka Mark. Absolute self-immolation, and maybe you’re doing it with a reluctance, but it’s certainly not enough to stop you. 

He takes some mercy on you, and maybe on himself, when he grips your hip to penetrate your weeping cunt. But all he gives you is the tip, and glorious as it is, it’s just not enough. 

“More,” you whimper, and you’re not sure who breaks, when he eases himself home, filling you to the absolute brim. The sound of surprised satisfaction that is torn from your throat is barely human. You might regret it later, but at the moment you feel no pain. 

“I’m trying not to hurt you,” he grumbles. “But when you beg me so sweetly I want to fuck you silly, my sweet sweet girl.” 

You laugh, a strained huff of mirth, at the idea of him not hurting you. You know what he means, and yet…and yet. 

Coherent thought escapes you completely, when his thick fingers seek out your clit while he fills you like this from behind. You clench upon him greedily, needing more. He lets you take what you want upon him, gyrating your hips, fucking yourself upon his cock and his slippery fingers as his other hand teases the tips of your breasts, holding you fast against his broad chest. After walking around all day in your sad state of unfulfillment, your orgasm quickly fills you, tearing a ragged scream from your throat as the tingling ecstasy spills through your loins and spreads through your body, leaving you utterly spent and pliable in his arms.  

Only as you clench and flutter upon him does Donaka take his own pleasure, rolling you over to thrust from behind. Through the haze of your euphoria you are vaguely aware that he is still careful with you, and does not punish you like he could. The shudder of his hips and the hot rush of his seed is almost soothing inside you, and you know you are well and truly fucked. Completely deranged. Flown high over the cuckoo’s nest for this terrible man who has made his way inside your body, and inside your head. 

His gentle kiss on the back of your shoulder sears you like a brand–his forehead resting on your spine weighs like your inevitable surrender. Has he already won?

You don’t know. You don’t fucking know, this late at night, when you are rendered idiotic by desire and hormones and lack of sleep. For what feels like the umpteenth time that day, your eyes fill with tears and you are so glad for the darkness of the room that gives you some cover. 

When he recovers Donaka goes to the bathroom to clean up, bringing you a warm soft cloth to swipe between your thighs. As usual you aren’t sure if he’s caring for you, or simply doesn’t want you to stain the sheets and your new couture sleepwear. Maybe you’ll never truly know with this man, if his actions are based out of care or practicality with you. It’s a daunting thought you are too sleepy to give proper attention to. 

Donaka pulls you back into his arms, and you rest your cheek upon his broad chest, your legs entwined with his. 

“Where did you go tonight?” you ask quietly, not really expecting him to answer you, but partly hoping he will tell you something dastardly so that you can talk yourself out of this insane warmth that is blooming in your chest, taking root in your mind like some kind of brain-eating parasite.  

“I was watching a fight,” he tells you simply. 

“Like…a tournament match?” 

“Usually it’s more interesting than that.” He kisses your hair. “Not tonight though.” 

What he doesn’t tell you directly, is that the whole affair rather bored him, and tonight, he couldn’t wait to come home to you. The fighter he’d been cultivating failed to finish things the way Donaka wanted, so he’d killed him with his bare hands. Even that didn’t give him the pleasure it used to. Once he would have basked in the power of it, the feeling of superiority over yet another fighter culled, an imposter who had no right to the true title of Warrior. But tonight, he could not stop thinking that this is a side of him he could never show to you. 

It would ruin everything. 

This night, he just got into his Bugatti, and tore home with his mind on you. 

Annoyed by the time he came through the door, he stood at the foot of the bed for a good ten minutes just watching you sleep, wondering who was changing who. He reasoned that he just has to be careful with you; that his obsession does not come to rule him, rather than the other way around. A part of him wondered, as you slept so innocently, if he should just dispose of you now and return to his purer pursuits. 

The thought did not please him, so this time, he chose not to. 

Oblivious to all this, you lay there wondering why his chosen diversion wasn’t interesting to him. Did it have anything to do with you? 

“Donaka–” 

“Sleep,” he tells you firmly, shutting you down, and effectively leaving you with that one last enigmatic line to worm its way into your thoughts. Like a parasite, you try to tell yourself. A gross, wormy, wriggly thing. 

But this man whose side you are curled up against doesn’t feel like a worm. He feels warm and solid and his strong, steady heart is beating like a drum beneath your ear. You like this, and maybe he’s right. Maybe you do like him, a little bit. 

You really are well and truly fucked. 

[sonotpattismith]

my lost, fearless leader (Yuta Okkotsu x Reader)

As the men masqueraded, I hoped you’d return with your feet on the ground, tell me all that you’d learned, because love’s never lost once perspective is earned.

word count: 9k

warnings: angst, me never making it easy for poor Yuta

a/n: inspired by Peter by Taylor Swift. Lowkey a self-insert as I too am a therapist, tee hee. I hope y’all enjoy it, I absolutely love writing for Yuta even though I make him suffer every time 🥹🫶🏻

masterlist.

Dear Okkotsu,

I know you only landed last week, but you left me with so many questions when you said goodbye. At the risk of sounding too forward, I thought for a moment that you would kiss me before you left. You had a look in your eye, one I’d never seen before, and I even thought I saw you square your shoulders like you were about to charge into battle.

Inumaki offered to give me your number when I asked about you, but I feared too quick of a response if I were to text you. After all, I love to torture myself. Somehow a letter felt safer, more disconnected. Still, I hope you have the time to write back to me while you’re out there growing as you so desperately wanted to.

You still have me in your corner here in Tokyo.

With kind regards,

L/N.

Dear L/N,

I hope this letter gets to you soon, though I know it has some way to go— I don’t want to leave you waiting again. I wondered if I should just text you, but you’re right, maybe this is best for wimps like me who were too scared to kiss the girl they like before traveling oceans away. There’s more courage in me hiding behind a pen than I ever had standing in front of you.

No matter how badly I wanted to show you how I felt, I didn’t feel worthy enough when I looked at that scar on your face— one I should have been able to prevent. There’s so much for me to learn about this world, and Gojo-Sensei says Kenya is where I need to be. I trust him implicitly, and I only hope here I’ll be able to grow into someone worthy of coming back to all of you at Jujutsu High. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, but I hope to become someone worthy enough to indulge myself in you as well.

I hope you can find it in you to wait for me all the way in your corner of Tokyo.

Respectfully,

Okkotsu.

Dear Okkotsu,

You were right, your letter did travel far, and after two weeks, I feared I may not ever hear back from you.

What happened with Geto Suguru wasn’t your fault, and, if I remember correctly, you were the one that saved all of us that night. It breaks my heart that you feel you don’t have a place here with us. I never thought you needed to prove yourself, and if that’s the only reason you went thousands of miles away— then you should board the next flight back over.

If I had known it was the scar on my face that stopped you, I would have covered it just for you. No one else around here is willing to take the blame for me when I break one of Maki’s spears— that alone should earn you a spot right beside me over here. Speaking of, I hope the bump on your forehead has gone down.

Luckily for the both of us, patience is my best virtue, but I do hope you don’t make me wait terribly long. You don’t have to be the strongest.

Holding my breath,

Y/N.

Dear L/N,

Maybe eventually I’ll work up the courage to call you, but our weeks of waiting in between will just have to do for now.

I think you’re beautiful— regardless of your scar, and I hope I didn’t send the wrong message when I said it’s what stopped me. I only meant that it reminded me of the kind of guy that deserves your attention, one that has brought about more good than he has bad in his life.

I’ve hurt so many people, and it wouldn’t be right of me not to try to make up for the wrongs I’ve caused. It’s only been a month, but Miguel has taught me so much, and I’ve seen so many wonderful things. I’m not sure if you’re interested, but I’m sending you some pictures of all my favorite parts.

I hope Maki has been merciful to you, and, yes, my bump is gone. Still, the little scar there reminds me of you each time I see it. So, I suppose I should thank her.

We’ve been talking so much about me, but I want to hear how you’re doing back in your corner of the world. How have your classes been going? I almost miss hearing everyone arguing with Gojo-Sensei every morning.

I don’t want to be the strongest, but I want to be strong enough to be worthy of you. The last thing I want is to keep you waiting too long, but however long it takes for me to be able to make a mark on those who have shown such faith in me.

Thinking of you,

Okkotsu.

Dear Yuta,

Surely that’s not you in that picture beside the giraffe? It’s only been two months— what are they feeding you over there? I had to do a triple take. You look well, Okkotsu.

I’m starting to wonder if it’s really you behind that ink. You were never so bold when you were here. Do you have a ghostwriter? I have my doubts, but I still hope all those thoughtful words really are coming from you.

I can see how hard you’ve been working, and I hope you’re beginning to find in yourself the pride I and all us here at home have always had in you. I don’t think anyone blames you for the unfairness that’s clung to you thus far, and no one expects you to make up for any of it— at least I know I don’t. If you really insist on doing so though, maybe you can start by giving me a call every once and a while? I’m sure you're busy, but I’d love to hear your voice again.

Classes have been going well. We’re almost going into our second year now, and everyone still talks so fondly of you. We wish you were here to start the year with us. I certainly miss having someone who was equally as clueless when it came to this world— it felt like you were the last shred of normalcy I was hanging onto. It’s okay though, I suppose I have some growing to do too.

Also, you don’t need to be so formal with me, I think you’ve earned the first name basis. Unless of course, you need to build up the courage for that, too.

I only felt it was fair to send some pictures of all of us here as well— though they’re nowhere near as badass as your safari photos. Please keep sending them— I’ll cherish the ones I have here for now though.

Still waiting for you,

Y/N.

Three months following Yuta’s departure from Tokyo, you first received an actual call from him. You had just turned in for the night, muscles aching from the mission you and Maki had just returned from only an hour or two prior. Truthfully, you were having a difficult time with the added responsibility that was accompanying your new year at Jujutsu High. Last year, at the very least, you had Yuta there who seemed on a fairly level playing field with you. Still, he held more of a determination to move forward in his life as a sorcerer than you did. After your encounter with Geto Suguru that had left you partially blinded in your right eye, it was difficult for you to find that gusto you had when you first arrived.

The deep lulls of slumber had just begun to penetrate your exhausted mind, and you could swear a more pleasant dream was just beyond your reach. When your phone began vibrating underneath your still cool pillow, your brows furrowed at the intrusion. The sound caused an electric-like jolt in your body that had you shooting up as if someone had just pulled the fire alarm. Calming your racing heart, you reached down to snatch the device up. Your eyes squinted to adjust to the blue light emitting from the screen, and you saw a number you didn’t recognize. Under the caller location though, it indicated that it was coming from Kenya.

Sitting up with a gasp, you gaped down at the device, uncertain excitement bubbling in your stomach and up your chest. Without a second thought, you swiped to answer the call. Amidst your anticipation of who you thought might be on the other line, you forgot to greet the caller.

“Um… uh- hello?”

A smile spread across your cheeks at the sound of his timid voice.

“A call from Kenya,” You began teasingly, your voice still hoarse from sleep. “I wonder who it could be.”

There was an abrupt shuffling on the other line, and you could already picture him pacing around whatever space he was currently occupying.

“You got me!” Yuta quipped nervously, quickly checking the time on his phone upon hearing the sleepy tone that laced your voice. It wasn’t too late over in Tokyo, and he figured if he didn’t call you now while he still had the nerve to do it, he never would. Okkotsu had determined during his time in Kenya that his confidence somehow peaked right after a successful mission. Naturally, this was when he calculated it would be the best time to call you with the lowest possibility of making a stuttering fool of himself. “Di-Did I wake you? I can call back another-”

“After you took three months to gather all that courage up?” You joked with a fond smile, reaching down to toy with the corner of your pillow. Despite the fact that he couldn’t see you, you shook your head. “I think I can stay up for a few minutes.”

He was grateful, so eternally grateful that you couldn’t see the way the blood rushed up his neck and into his face. Pressing a cool hand against his cheek as if it would make the heat die down, he forced himself to sit on the edge of his bed, bottom lip caught between his teeth. It had been too long already since he last spoke, and the silence on the call was becoming overbearing as he thought of anything to say.

“You there, Yuta?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m, uh-- still here.” The boy chuckled pathetically, pounding his balled up fist against his thigh, willing himself to quit being such a loser. Shooting up to begin his short trek around his room once again, he took a deep breath. “I-I wanted to thank you. You know, for writing to me the past few months. I think they’ve been kind of motivating me, actually.”

“Yeah?” You smiled, lying back down on your pillow to stare stupidly up at the ceiling of your dorm. In hearing that shy voice that you had been missing for so long, you had forgotten about the aching, abused muscles that had been assaulting you just minutes prior. In its place was the rushing endorphins of your child-like crush on the boy on the other line. “So, when you come back strong enough to beat Sensei’s ass, I can take partial credit, right?”

His soft laugh filled your once silent room, inciting the overwhelming butterflies in your stomach to erupt in a fluttering haze.

“It’ll all be you.” Yuta joked halfheartedly, rubbing the back of his neck in relief that he’d gotten past the awkward silence unscathed. He flopped back down onto his bed and looked out the window at the slowly setting sun. “Uh… speaking of Sensei, how is everything over there? The exchange event is coming up soon, right?”

This made your smile slowly wane.

“Yeah, it’s next month. There was some drama with the first years, but everyone else seems to be pretty excited.”

“Everyone else? It sounds like you’re not including yourself in there.”

You sighed gently. Yuta was always so determined about growing as a sorcerer, so these types of events were always right up his alley. Not to mention the manner in which he absolutely wiped out the sister school at last year’s event. It actually caused a bit of second-hand embarrassment to watch the whole ordeal play out— no matter how quickly it concluded. After the atrocities of the past few months though, you couldn’t find it within yourself to be excited for the goodwill event.

It wasn’t that long ago that you watched all your friends meet near death at the hands of Suguru Geto, and you weren’t too far behind. They had all seemingly moved on from it all so fast— all of them except for Yuta Okkotsu. It seemed that all it had done was given him more ammunition to spark his journey of self discovery. You wished it had had the same effect on you. In truth though, all it sparked was a fear that your life, along with your friends, was constantly at the mercy of a crueler fate than most your age would be subjected to.

It felt wrong. Yuta shouldn’t have felt the need to bear the weight of you and your friends’ injuries all on his own. He shouldn’t have needed to go off to search for some unknown answer to all the insecurities his grueling life had thrust upon him. Still, it was so important to him. You could see the way it gave him purpose, a will to keep going despite all that he’d been through. It wasn’t his fault, but you always wished you could have found that same purpose within slaying curses and putting your life on the line.

A soft call of your name on the other line pulled you from your self-depricating thoughts. Shaking your head, you attempted to lighten the mood.

“Last name again? So formal. I thought we were past that, Okkotsu.”

“Oh-- right, sorry.” He stammered out before trying your first name out on his lips. It was delicate in the way it rolled off his tongue, sending warmth straight through your chest. Recalling your sudden silence once his nerves subsided, his lips pulled pensively into a thin line. “Um, have you been doing okay? You know, since…”

Brows rising just a hair, you were shocked at how easily he read through your sudden change in tone. Your lip quivered into a slight frown. A deep breath was suddenly pushing down that biting urge you had to tear up.

“Yeah, I’ve been okay. Just… wish you were still here is all.” You confessed into the dark, lonely dorm room. “I think you were the only one who understood how overwhelming this all was.”

Yuta felt his chest constrict at your earnest confession. Part of him felt guilty for not being there, but he knew deep down that he was doing the right thing by building himself up before he allowed himself to come back— especially to you. Still, the boy knew where you were coming from. It wasn’t easy being the newcomer in a world where your peers had a fifteen year head start on.

The two of you understood each other—empathized with one another. You both strived to make sure the other was doing okay; whether that be sneaking out late at night to practice with one another in hopes you both wouldn’t make fools of yourselves in training the next day, or just being someone that the other could glance knowingly at when one of your classmates mentioned something it seemed that everyone else was privy to, except you two.

“I’m getting stronger everyday.” Yuta offered earnestly, a soft, empathetic smile playing on his lips— the kind you could just hear through his gentle tone. “And I know you are too. We’re gonna kick some major butt one day, y’know?”

The boy was relieved when your glittering laugh filled his speakers, and he found himself laughing along with you. A comfortable silence blanketed over you two, and for a moment it felt as though you were laying right beside him, your gentle breaths lighting a fire within his soul. The courage that he thought he had lost upon hearing your voice for the first time in months was slowly flooding back to him, and he began pensively rolling his bottom lip between his fingers.

“Hey,” Okkotsu called out feebly, resting his hand down on his chest and feeling his heart pounding against his fingers. Reaching down to your discarded letter beside him, he picked up the picture you’d sent along with it. It was of all the second years, and he wondered with a smile if you had Gojo-Sensei take it for you all, and, if so, how much he complained about not being included. You stood in the middle of Inumaki and Maki, Panda standing proudly and towering behind you. His thumb reached out to graze softly over your face. In the photo, one of your hands was teasingly covering your right eye, and he blushed as he remembered your earlier conversation about that scar. You hummed in acknowledgment on the other line. “Did you mean it? You know… when you said you’d wait for me?”

“Did you mean it when you said you were gonna come back for me?” You countered quickly.

Yuta exhaled nervously, the churning in his chest making him feel as though he might pass out. Staring back at your smiling face in the photo, he nodded breathlessly.

“Of course, I meant it. I meant every word.”

“Then so did I.”

Yuta Okkotsu’s reassuring promise helped ground you in your studies of jujutsu for a while longer, but you could still feel the aching insistence in the back of your mind that told you this wasn’t where you were meant to be. Your friendship with the sorcerer continued to grow even over the thousands of miles that separated you. He’d call you whenever he had the chance to, and you’d text him about updates on what all his friends had been up to without him. Although both Inumaki and Maki kept up with him regularly, he allowed you to retell stories he’d more often than not already heard from them.

He could tell that you were struggling to find and hold your place as a sorcerer. You always listened enthusiastically when he’d tell you about the new techniques he was learning or the missions he’d been sent on, nodding along on the other line and hanging onto every word he said. Still, when he’d await to hear the progress of your training or how your latest mission had gone, you didn’t have the same enthusiasm in your tone.

It had been almost a year since he’d been gone. The two of you had never implicitly discussed the nature of your relationship, but your lingering promise to each other seemed to be enough to keep your hearts locked safely away for the other’s return. As the months dragged on though, you couldn’t help but wonder if it was worth staying in the world of jujutsu that seemed to so expertly traumatize you and your peers.

You insisted on video calling him for once, eager to once again put a face to the voice that had been filling your every night for the past few months. Maybe, you thought to yourself, if you saw those warm, inviting eyes again paired with that timid smile, you’d find it in you to hold out just a bit longer.

“Ca-Can you see me?” Yuta’s ever anxious voice filled your quiet room once again. The palm of his hand briefly covered the camera before it was moved away, and it appeared as though he had propped you up on a dresser of some sort. He stepped back, hunching over so his face was still in the frame, staring hesitantly into the screen.

A brief exhale of disbelief left you at the sight of him. He had changed so much over the past year; from the inches he’d sprouted up, to the new broadness of his lean shoulders, right down to his more maturely parted hair as it swayed in his face. His features appeared sharper than when you’d last seen him, a testament to how much he’d grown physically as well as mentally. The dark circles you remember being everpresent under his long, midnight-blue eyes seemed even more pronounced now, and you wondered just how hard this Miguel character had been working him. Despite his apparent lack of sleep though, he grinned cheerfully upon seeing your face.

Forgoing your previous concern, an ecstatic smile of your own lit up your face as you took him in. You had always thought he had a sort of innocent, gentle cuteness to him, but time and knowledge seemed to have morphed those characteristics into the sharp, hauntingly striking ghost of the boy you once knew presented before you. For the first time since knowing him, you thought you felt more nervous than he did at the moment.

“Wow! You look--” He paused, a slight flush filling his face, and suddenly he was that timid boy again, staring down at you with the false promise of a kiss. Your heart melted at the sight. Yuta was still looking nervously back at you, mouth hanging open as if his mind was running faster than his tongue could process. You raised your brows expectantly at him, hiding your amused smile. “Uh—pretty! You— you look really pretty.”

A soft blush fell across your cheeks.

“Thanks, Yuta.” You laughed softly, eyes fluttering across his face admiringly. “You look like you’ve… grown.”

“Oh, me?” He laughed skittishly, hand coming up to rustle through his jet black locks. His brows were furrowed slightly as he looked down at his own appearance as if he was only just now noticing the growth spurt he’d had in the past year. “Yeah! I guess—”

“Is that blood on your shirt?” You suddenly noticed, leaning forward so your squinting eyes could get a better look at the dark matter that clung to his white top. His eyes shot up to meet yours, and in an instant, his fumbling hands were working to unbutton his uniform shirt. It was no use though, the white t-shirt underneath was also stained through.

“Sorry, I just got back from a mission.” He admitted dejectedly, grabbing the phone and sitting on the floor, resting his back against the bed behind him. “I would’ve showered, but I didn’t want to keep you up too late.”

You sat back against your headboard tentatively. It was incredible to you how he was never phased by the violence and bloodshed that shrouded this lifestyle. There were so many nights that you lay awake, eyes unblinking as you tried to forget the horrors you’d witnessed just long enough to get some sleep.

“How do you do it, Yu?” You asked timidly.

Yuta took in the way your wide eyes glimmered with the threat of unspilled tears. There it was again— that underlying fear in your tone and demeanor that told him that something wasn’t quite right, and it hadn’t been right since you came so close to death.

“What do you mean, love?” He wasn’t sure where that term of endearment came from, maybe from the concern that had been pooling in him for months and had now suddenly burst upon seeing that broken look in your eyes. Either way, it was too late to take it back now.

“Act like everything’s normal when you come home covered in blood and guts and watch people die— watch your friends—”

“I’m doing this for my friends.” His response had a defensive edge to it, but his wide eyes were gentle, taking in your vulnerable state carefully. “And for the people I’ve had to watch die. Bad things will happen whether I’m a part of them or not. How can I sit back and do nothing when that’s all I’ve done my entire life?”

You suddenly felt small in your corner of the world. He was selfless, fearless, purposeful in his mission as a sorcerer, and you couldn’t fault him for it. Moreso, you faulted yourself for lacking that same drive.

“I just– sometimes I feel like this isn’t for me. I’m not like you, Yuta. I don’t think I’m strong enough for this. I’m not strong enough for this.”

Yuta continued to insist upon believing in your growth, just as you had believed in his. His persistence in your strength of character only served to break your heart more. You knew the deeper his faith in you ran, the more crushing his disappointment would be when you inevitably let him down. In the weeks following your dismayed conversation with him, you weren’t answering his calls as often, afraid he would be on the other line hoping to hear of your growth and the things you’d overcome— but you had none to show for. You usually texted him with false excuses that you were on a mission, or that you were simply too tired to talk that night. No matter how hard you tried to pride yourself in your little victories, your faith in your abilities as a sorcerer was waning quickly before your eyes.

He had always said that he was the one undeserving of his place in this world— of his place beside you. The stronger he grew though, the more you only noticed the opposite.

It was a month after your phone call that you received a small package from Kenya, recognizing the stamp immediately as one of the various animal themed ones Yuta seemed to keep stockpiled just for you. Chewing at your bottom lip, a sense of guilt washed over you, knowing you hadn’t been keeping up with him as much as you once did. Despite this, he continued to try, desperate to get through to you somehow before you slipped from between his fingers all together.

Ripping open the orange, padded envelope, you overturned the contents onto your bed. The wooden beads of a bracelet clacked softly against one another as they fell upon the comforter, a letter landing gently atop it. You ran your fingers along the thin bracelet, thinking maybe if you concentrated long enough, you’d be able to feel the warmth of his fingers lingering from when he’d carefully placed it into the envelope for you. You picked up the accompanying letter.

Dear Y/N,

It seems like they’ve been keeping you really busy over there in your corner of the world! I had so much I wanted to tell you, but I thought maybe it’d be best to put it all into a letter so you could read it at a time that’s best for you.

Gojo-Sensei says that I’ll probably be coming back soon, maybe in the next couple of months even. If all goes well, I hope to be joining everyone for our final year. It’d be nice to all be together again. It’d be nice to actually see you again.

You don’t have to tell me everything, but I know you’ve been going through a hard time recently, and I’m sorry I’m not there to help you. You were wrong the other night on the phone— you are stronger than you think. This life isn’t easy, and I don’t want you to feel like you’re not fit for it just because it hurts you right now.

When I felt I had no strength left in me to keep going, it was you who lent me some of yours until I could stand again. I’m sending it back to you now, so please use it to keep moving forward until I can lend you some of mine. Please, keep waiting for me.

The beads on the bracelet I sent you represent all the things I wish for you. The red represent bravery and strength, the kind I know you have in you still. Until you find them though, let these be a reminder. The yellow are for growth, and until you can see it coming your way, let these motivate you.

I got one just like it for myself, so I can be reminded everyday of the things I love about you. I’ll keep it on me always, and I hope as you’re waiting that you’ll do the same.

Still yours,

Yuta.

Tears were streaming freely down your cheeks and staining the precious letter before you. With wobbling lips, you bit back a quiet sob as you carefully slipped the thin bracelet onto your wrist. Strength. Bravery. Growth. They were all pillars that seemed so far away from you, but Yuta was convinced you held them just within your grasp. If anything, the beads would serve as a reminder that someone important was counting on you, and you’d rather suffer the uphill battle than disappoint him.

The next morning, you woke early to speak with Gojo. He was lounging lazily in his large, plush chair, laptop sat carelessly on his lap when you came in. As if expecting you all along, he looked up from his bored typing to offer a sly smile— the type that told you he was always steps ahead of you.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Gojo greeted, closing his laptop and setting it haphazardly on his desk. Leaning back, he laced his fingers casually in his lap, jutting his chin toward the seat in front of him.

Hesitantly, you sat down. Your posture was rigid as you stared back at his half-covered face. Although your sensei had never given you a reason to fear him, you couldn’t help but feel anxious at the thought of how he might react to your request.

“I… I don’t know how to say this.”

He stayed silent, allowing you to collect your thoughts. The small smile tugging at his lips said he already knew what was plaguing your mind. Fiddling with the bracelet on your wrist, you were reminded of the importance that you stand your ground here.

“I’m not sure I’m cut out for being a sorcerer.” It was out there, and it hung heavily in the air around you. Looking down at your twiddling fingers, you felt that familiar lump building in your throat. Your sensei was silent before you. Glancing up at him through tear soaked eyes, you shrugged your shoulders in defeat. “I’m not like the others. I can’t bounce back like they do. It scares me; the death, the fighting, the loss— it terrifies me, Gojo. I can’t do it anymore. I-I just—”

“You’ve been struggling for a while now, haven’t you?” It was more of a statement than a question— an observation he’d been holding onto for some time. The older man wasn’t oblivious, he could see when his students were beginning to slip away; physically and mentally.

“How did you know?” You briefly wondered if Yuta had mentioned something to him during their regular check in calls, but you doubted it.

Standing abruptly from his chair, he strolled leisurely around the room, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

“You remind me of someone, is all.” Gojo’s cryptic message left more questions than answers. Though you had grown used to his dodgy answers and coded messages, now was really not the time. Before you could express your annoyance, he continued. “You’re not stuck, you know.”

Your mouth hung open as you stared at him in disbelief. Standing up to face him as he stared out the window, your mind was racing at the possibilities.

“You mean— I could leave? Just like that?”

“Just like that. I’d talk to the higher ups today for you if that’s really what you want.” Still, the edge in his tone indicated that he wasn’t about to let you off that easily. As if sensing your apprehension, he tilted his head playfully toward you, a fond smile on his face. “I’ve seen what this gig can do to people. I don’t need to see you fall victim to it too.”

“I mean— I…” You were stumbling over your words. For the past few years, you were sure that your future was set for you— one you were apprehensive about living, but one that was secure nonetheless. Where would you go from here?

Gojo hummed pensively— invitingly. God, how you wished he would just spit out what he clearly wanted so desperately to say. Of course, he always wanted his students to come to their own conclusions, set their own fates.

“The Night Parade of a Hundred Demons.” The sensei announced dramatically, taking another lap around the room. You shivered at the mention of that night. He leaned toward you with a raised brow. “That’s when this all started, am I right? You almost died, if I remember correctly.”

“I would have if it hadn’t been for—”

“Yuta Okkotsu.” He cut you off, a knowing smirk tugging at his lips, and for a moment you thought you saw his head tilt down as if to look at the bracelet you were currently rolling between your fingers. Nodding softly, he continued. “Still, you cut it pretty close. Must have been traumatizing. Partially lost your sight, almost lost your friends, your life.”

You nodded silently, unsure of where he was going with this long winded rant. Of course, him giving you a simple out was just too easy for Gojo-Sensei’s ‘everything is a life lesson’ style of teaching.

“Tell you what, why don’t I set up a meeting for you to meet with a counselor? Someone who specializes in all our creepy-crawly problems?”

“Like… like therapy?” You questioned with furrowed brows. A therapist for sorcerers? You didn’t even know such a thing existed. Still, the prospect sparked a certain hope in your chest, one that the six eyes saw instantly. He didn’t bother to conceal his victorious smile.

“Yup. Nice, comfy couch and everything.” He advertised as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. His long fingers began typing purposefully against the screen before he looked up at you again. “Of course, she’s kind of running a one-man show, so her schedule is pretty tight. I can pull a few strings for you though.” His words rang in your mind with a faint echo. That suggestive, underlying tone in his voice, it was beginning to seep through, and your gut was telling you his suggestion was a lot more calculated than you would ever give him credit for. “That kind of work is in high demand, you know— what with all the new curses popping up since Itadori came along.”

Gojo was continuing to drop hints, but you had already heard him loud and clear. This was something he thought you could do— somewhere he knew you would fit within this hectic world. As a teacher, it was his job to train the up and coming sorcerers for the perils that lay ahead of them. In the same prospect though, he had also become incredibly adept at discovering their potential and nudging them toward it— even if it wasn’t as gently as he thought.

The following week you met with the therapist Gojo had supposedly pulled so many strings to get you in to see. She had a small office just minutes away from the school, and you wondered why she wasn’t on campus. She hadn’t suggested it to you first, though she was well aware of what Gojo was trying to do when he set up this meeting. So, amidst your explanation of everything you had been experiencing since that night, you dropped in questions. How did she know this was the right path for her— how closely did she work with Jujutsu High— how did she get where she was?

By the gentle and encouraging manner in which she answered all of your questions, you had a gut feeling once again that Gojo had already been three steps ahead of you. You were set to transfer out of Jujutsu High the following week. Your sensei funded your education through an outside university, who’s higher ups had connections with the school. Kaori, the god-sent sorcerer counselor who’d seemingly fallen from the heavens right when you needed her, was more than happy to take you under her wing as well. In truth, she was relieved to have some help around the office given the influx of referrals she’d been receiving recently.

Everything had been falling into place, yet there was still one last loose end you had yet to tie up from your life as a sorcerer. You looked down at the box of letters you’d kept over the past year or so from Yuta. Following his last letter, and how determined he seemed to be that you would make it as a sorcerer— you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him that you had given up. After everything he’d done to grow himself into the man he was now, a fearless and loyal sword to his friends and the innocent— and you had given up. In the end, despite his insistence that it was him not worthy enough to stick around, you realized it had been you all along.

You weren’t worthy of Yuta Okkotsu.

Your trembling finger hovered over his contact, but you couldn’t do it. Clicking your phone off, you stared up at the ceiling of your now empty dorm room and allowed the hot tears to burn your cheeks, dripping down your neck and into the hem of your shirt. He was still finishing up his training, growing into a man he could be proud of, experiencing the things that made him feel alive. It would be selfish of you to drop this on him now.

Setting down the box on your desk, you pulled out a spare sheet of paper and sat down to draft your last prose to Yuta Okkotsu.

Dear Yuta,

By the time you’re reading this, I’m sure you will have already heard about my departure from Jujutsu High. I wanted to call you and tell you everything that’s been on my mind, to give you a proper goodbye, but I didn’t want to interrupt your progress overseas.

I wanted to thank you for the kindness you’ve shown me over the years. I’ll cherish each bit of it as long as I live. You kept me holding on through my lowest points, even if it wasn’t the life of sorcery that I was holding onto.

I know I’m cowardly, but I just couldn’t look you in the eyes and tell you that I had given up. You’ve worked so hard and sacrificed so much to hold your place here, and I suppose a part of me feels foolish for giving mine up so easily.

Your passion for undoing the wrongs in this world is so beautiful, and although I couldn’t share it with you, it only ever made me love you more. Please never take it for granted. Continue to fight to hold your place here, because you hold more power than you could ever come to know. I can feel it, even when you’re not here.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t wait for you.

Forever yours,

Y/N

When Yuta Okkotsu arrived back at Jujutsu High three months later, he had already been sitting on the news of your departure for two weeks. His friends thought it best to at least prepare him for when he returned, but he figured so much when you stopped responding to his calls and messages. No amount of preparation could have stopped the hole from opening up in his chest upon reading the letter you’d left in his dorm room. It sat neatly on his untouched pillow— a ghost that haunted him the second he stepped in.

He tried with fervor to be excited for his return, smiling along half heartedly when his friends shoved a party hat on his head and insisted upon celebrating all the birthdays they’d missed. Those haunting blue eyes only stared lifelessly at the cake before him, his soul still sat on the edge of his bed where he’d read your letter.

Forever yours.

Yuta wondered if those simple two words meant the door was open for him to swing in and come find you as he so ardently promised he would. Gojo-Sensei said you were happy though— working toward your place in the world. It was one he no longer felt he had a place in— not when his life consisted so wholly of the very things you were running from.

Months passed, and the both of you tried so desperately to move on. Despite being content in the roots your lives had sprouted, there was always a missing piece that stopped the both of you from blossoming. You always held your breath in hopes he’d come back to you like he said he would, and he always hoped you were still waiting for him despite his insistence that you were happier without him. The both of you were only kids when you’d carelessly thrown out such a vow, after all.

Gojo felt whole-heartedly confident in his whim to have Kaori train you. There was a spark in you, one that wanted to heal those that this world had so carelessly wounded, even if that meant you having to heal yourself first. In the end, it was the right decision, and he prided himself in the fact that there was a happy medium to keep your talents within the jujutsu world still while also fulfilling your purpose. There was a missing piece of the puzzle that lingered ever present though, and that was the infuriating case of you and Yuta Okkotsu.

It was getting depressing— watching the boy mope around pretending to not have the very obvious chip on his shoulder all the damn time. Your old sensei still kept up with you and your progress often, seeing as the school worked closely with Kaori to refer in need sorcerers on a regular basis. Each time he’d pop in for a visit or called unexpectedly, you’d always ask how everyone back at the school was doing. Sure, you really did hope your old friends were doing okay, but you were really holding your breath for when he’d mention Yuta. Gojo always spoke of him so highly, and you couldn’t help but smile fondly each time, thinking of how proud you were at how much he’d accomplished— just as he said he would. Still, the six eyes never missed that morose glimmer in your eye as you’d nod along to his stories.

“Have you ever tried sleeping at night, or are those dark circles just a part of you now?”

Yuta was snapped from his stupor when his sensei dropped unceremoniously beside him as he looked on at his friends ahead of him. As if having just been reminded of his perpetual exhaustion, he reached up subconsciously to rub at those aforementioned dark eyes.

“Oh, haha,” Yuta’s halfhearted attempt at a laugh only served to drive Gojo’s purpose right home. “Yeah, guess my sleep schedule never really adjusted back to normal, huh?”

“You aren’t performing like you should be, Okkotsu.”

He gaped exasperatedly at his sensei, blinking a few times as if maybe he just hadn’t heard him correctly. Frankly, he had been kicking ass lately, and everyone around him knew it too. Still, if Gojo-Sensei was telling him he was falling behind, it was seemingly the only opinion that mattered. Even if it wore him down till only his skeleton remained, he would keep getting better until he could prove himself to the man who took a chance on him.

Already picking up on the look of determination on the boy’s face, Gojo put out a solemn ‘slow your roll’ hand in front of him. Sighing in amusement, the sensei thought the boy would crush a semi-truck between his hands if it’d make him grow— meant he could prove himself.

“Your mind isn’t here. Hasn’t been since you got back. I can tell, you know.”

Okkotsu’s shoulders slumped dejectedly. No matter how much he worked to train physically, to learn to control his cursed energy and techniques, there was always that one lingering barrier that seemed to keep him from reaching his potential. Of course, he knew he had been more distracted since your departure, but he figured— hoped— it would pass eventually. He thought maybe if he ignored it long enough, pushed down that frenzy to rip his hair out by the roots and bellow out every frustration he’d held in for allowing her to slip away, each day as the urge melted away into dreams of her at night that woke him with a crater in his chest— maybe eventually it would fade just as she did.

“Try to get some rest, clear your mind. Do what you gotta do.” Gojo emphasized, leaning down to tower over his apprehensive prodigy with a knowing smile. His covered eyes flicked down to where Yuta’s fingers were rolling the beads of his colorful bracelet pensively. He hummed in amusement. “You know, I know someone who has that same bracelet.”

His student perked up ever so subtly upon hearing this. The prying man quickly moved to grasp his wrist and inspect the bracelet closer. It made Yuta feel exposed, wanting to crawl under his covers and not come out again if it meant no one else would lay their eyes on the one connection he still had to you. Gulping thickly, he snatched his wrist back, covering the wooden jewelry protectively under his other hand.

“Oh, you know her, don’t you?” Satoru feigned remembrance, snapping his fingers dramatically. “She used to go here.”

The stunned boy stammered out your name in question. It still felt so natural, so effortless rolling off of his tongue despite the prolonged period that had passed since he’d uttered those syllables.

“Yeah! Saw it on her just last week.”

All the blood seemed to drain from Yuta Okkotsu’s face. His wide, haunting eyes suddenly transfixed hazily on the smiling man before him in a manner that would have been terrifying had it been directed at a stranger. You still wore the bracelet he got you? The prospect had his mind spinning, and his stomach churning anxiously. The poor guy looked as though he would short circuit at any moment; brows twitching into a deep furrow, the corners of his lips fluttering in uncertainty. He blinked a few times before looking up at his sensei with a new sense of determination clouding his eyes.

“Where did you say she went?”

Bingo!

The clock’s ticking mocked you menacing as you raced to finish your assessment notes within the hour. Kaori was always merciful with you, understanding that you were still learning and would likely take more time with things, but you couldn’t help but urge yourself to do better. It had been almost a year that you had been studying while working alongside the counselor, and you had blossomed in a way you never thought would have been possible. Granted, you weren’t able to do any of what you had lovingly labeled as ‘the fun stuff’ yet, you had adjusted surprisingly well to the countless intake assessments and documentation your mentor had entrusted you with. Of course, it wasn’t the same as having a second counselor there with her, but anything helped ease the weight of her overwhelming caseload. She knew it was good experience for you too.

Despite her hectic schedule, Kaori still found time to meet with you often to check in regarding the struggles that brought you to her in the first place, insisting it would be a crucial step in your training as well. Slowly but surely, you were beginning to rebuild that confidence in yourself and your own purpose in this monstrous world. It felt cathartic, being a part of the process of healing for those torn down by the very things that hurt you so long ago as well. It was meaningful— fulfilling. You wondered if this was how Yuta felt when he was out there, helping people as well, just in his own way. A sharp pang struck you each time your mind wandered too far though, and you were always quick to reel it back in.

Your bottom lip was caught ruthlessly between your teeth, and it seemed the clacking of your keyboard was fighting against the ticking of the clock for dominance. A small spark of defeat struck you as you heard the door of the office creak open. Looking up at the time, your brows furrowed in confusion. You were sure that you had already completed the last intake Kaori had scheduled for you today. Scrambling into the drawer beside you to pull out a new form, you hoped you would at least look somewhat prepared whenever the unexpected patient came to your desk.

“Hi, there!” You called out from your tucked away cubicle, fumbling to save the document you were working on. “I’m back here, you can come on in.”

Slow footsteps approached closer and closer before pausing in front of your desk. Pushing the hair from your eyes, you looked up with a warm, inviting smile.

Oh.

The smile on your face slowly faded as Yuta Okkotsu towered over your desk. It wasn’t the version of him you once knew; this one was taller, more refined, more calculated with the manner in which he held himself. His wide, midnight-blue eyes regarded you carefully, but his face revealed nothing. Your mouth opened and closed pathetically, your mind desperately trying to catch up with the way your day had suddenly progressed. Stepping forward, he calmly sank down into the chair in front of you, hands gripping the arms casually.

“Yu—”

“I heard you offer counseling for sorcerers, right?” He was suddenly smiling sweetly at you, but there was a controlled glint in his eyes— holding him back. Not allowing you to respond, he continued. “Well, I have some things to get off my chest, so it’s lucky I found you, huh?”

You sank back into your chair, allowing the papers in your hands to slip from your fingers and swoosh softly onto the desk. Nodding gently, you urged him to go on, anxiety balling up in the pit of your stomach. He launched off on a long-winded story, one you already knew like the back of your hand— you lived it, after all. Your already knowing the climax didn’t stop the furious blush that overtook you as he recalled the letter he’d found in his dorm upon his arrival back to Tokyo.

“She always had this sweet way of signing off all her letters to me.” Yuta recounted with a soft smile, eyes glimmering as they looked back at you. Yours, on the other hand, were holding back the dam of tears that had been building up for countless months. As the first tear slipped down your cheek, you saw his resolve start to crumble, gaze chasing the drop as it raced down your skin. His bottom lip trembled. “She signed that last one— she signed it off ‘forever yours’, but I never saw her again.”

“Yuta—”

“Why didn’t you just tell me you weren’t happy?” He finally snapped, his own tears swimming in his eyes. Bracing his hands on the desk, he leaned forward desperately. “I would’ve understood, I would’ve—”

“I tried! I tried to tell you, but you were so sure that I was going to get through it. How was I supposed to look you in the eyes after you gave up so much of your life to train to be better? How was I supposed to tell you I was giving up?”

“You promised me!” His cry rang out in the quiet office, shoving his chair back to stand over you once again. You heard Kaori’s office door open abruptly, likely startled by the perceived altercation. Despite his dominating presence and lingering stance, you couldn’t find it in you to be intimidated by him. You shook your head softly toward your mentor, letting her know you were fine. As the door hesitantly shut once again, Yuta was sinking closer to you despairingly. “I would’ve come back for you— I wouldn’t have cared where I had to look, okay? I wouldn’t have cared that you left everything— but you weren’t supposed to leave me.”

His wounded tone finally caught up to you, and you let your head fall down onto your crumpled hands as you cried. Yuta sighed softly, almost regretting his stinging confession. Quickly looping around the desk, he settled down on his knees in front of you and turned you to face him.

“I’m sorry, Yuta.” You cried, falling into him as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you from your chair. He was stronger than you last remembered him being, but his touch was just as delicate. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. Hey, it’s okay. We’re here now, right?” He assured gently, pulling you away from his chest so he could look at you with a smile, tears still clinging to his lashes. His cool hand ran down from your shoulder to your wrist, and he traced the bracelet that hadn’t come off your wrist since you received it. A soft flush covered his cheeks. “You kept it, huh?”

“You kept yours, too.” You laughed breathlessly, wiping at your cheeks with one hand and grasping his bracelet with the other.

“I told you, I always meant everything I said to you. I still do.” His words almost made you break down again, but you worried if you started boo-hoo crying again that Kaori might just burst through the door with more determination than she had last time.

So instead, you took a moment to glance over his matured face, shaking your head in amusement upon seeing those familiar dark circles still hanging under his eyes. Your heart clenched as your eyes ran across the small scar that Maki left on his forehead. When you met his gaze once again, it gave you pause. Yuta had that look in his eyes— the same one he had all those years ago before he left for Kenya. The rapid patter of your heart could be felt in your throat.

Despite your nerves, your lips twitched up into a knowing smile. You reached up tentatively to place a hand over your right eye, covering the scar that had stopped him all those years ago. He pursed his lips at this action and shook his head. In an instant, his long fingers were wrapping around your wrist to pull your hand away from your face.

“Don’t.” Yuta said simply before leaning down to capture your lips in his, more assuredly than his sixteen year old self ever could have dared to, but just as sweetly as the boy who promised to come back to you would have.

[pixiescoffeeshop]

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚Hello There! My name is....Bluey ya! Anyways, so I was wondering if you could do a number five five by like making him deal with the apocalypse dilemmaજ⁀➴ ⊹₊⟡⋆ and maybe he starts seeing a girl near the coffee shop and starts telling his mind out to her? Could you I mean ya , I'm not the best at request...

Stay Bright Pix˚.⁺⊹ .ᐟ

𐙚₊˚⊹ like i’m stuck in an apocalypse.

a requested five hargreeves short fic . . 📞🐈‍⬛

context : five finally gets back from the apocalypse, and when he does, he makes a visit at griddy’s donuts. — and he sees a girl there.

warnings : minor cursing .ᐟ

author’s note : THANKKKK YOU FOR REQUESTING !! also,, so sorry this took a while to respond back to 😭 but i’m here now !! your message is so sweet, stay bright too friend 🤍 without further ado, happy reading .ᐟ

five didn’t want to deal with the whole .. apocalypse thing, he really just wanted to see his family again. but when that family has their own issues of their own, it’s hard to keep them all in one room without practically slicing each other’s head off.

so late at night, he made his way towards a place from his childhood. a place where they used to be able to still get along. and that was griddy’s donuts.

despite the place being a popular spot in town, looked old and abandoned now. the smell of espresso flourished in the brunette’s nose just moments before he sat down and ordered.

“hello, ready to order?” a girl, younger, had her notepad out, with her own black pen. for the first time in about 50 or more years, he’d recieved a genuine smile from her. she looked kind and sweet. his gaze had been broken off once she waved her hand in his face.

“oh uh — yeah, um,” he looked down at the menu. “can i just get some coffee? black.” five handed the waiteress the menu. she wrote down on her notepad with a nod, “coming right up.” she gave another wide smile before walking to the back to grab that cup of hot coffee for him.

a few minutes later, she came back and placed the cup before him. “enjoy.” she spoke. “thank you,” he glanced at her name tag.

(name).

“(name).” he nodded at her as he sipped the coffee. she gave another smile before turning and walking away.

— 𐙚₊˚⊹ ☕️

(name) continued to clean in the back as she listened to her tunes through her headphones. she hummed to the beat as she sweeped, and once she finished with the dishes and everything else and pulled her headphones off her head.

and instead of the usual chatter and noise that echoed across the diner, there was no noise at all. it was dead and completely silent.

the girl walked out from the back and found only but unconscious and bloodied bodies on the floor. only standing in the middle of the room was the same boy that ordered the black coffee.

the boy turned around to face her, her jaw practically on the floor. his eyes widened, thinking she’d scream or yell. —

“holy shit.”

was the only thing she breathed. five hunched over, the side of his stomach stinging. she picked up her feet and quickly took the first aid from the back of the kitchen. she ran over to the uniformed boy and let him lean on counter, his face painted with agony.

she panted, looking over at the bloody wound his hand held and his face. “remove your hand. i’ll — i’ll try treating it.” she opened the first aid, “agnes? agnes!” she yelled for the other waitress but did not get a response back.

“damn it, she must’ve bolted the second she heard the gunshots — why, — why, how?” she started asking questions as she treated the wound. he hissed, “i’m sorry! sorry.” she repeated, treating it a little more gently.

as she bandaged it, he sighed with relief. “who are you? did you kill these men?” (name) furrowed her brows at him. he shook his head, staring at her eyes. “i mean — yes. i did, but,” he let out a heavy sigh.

she bit her lip, how would she get him to talk?

“i’m (name) (last name). i’m a daughter, i’m only fourteen. but, i wanna know your story.” he continued to drown himself in her eyes. “five hargreeves. i’m thirteen but my consciousness is really older than it looks.” he clicked his tongue.

they continued to sit in silence, (name) leaned her back on the counter beside him. “you mean, the hargreeves family? the superhero family?” then her eyes widened. “you’re the boy. the one who went missing years ago.” five scrunched his face.

“how’d you know that?” he asked. “people talk.” she winked. he rubbed the bandaged side of his stomach. “i have five days to get rid of an apocalypse. in. this. body.” he emphasized with another heavy sigh. she wanted to ask more questions, but she let him unload before asking anything else.

“and my family’s are filled with crack-headed assholes, and the handler’s up my ass.” he scratched the back of his neck. she smiled a little at the sight and thought of a little boy cursing as such. “and the thing is,” he sighed again as he sat up.

“i wanted to go here to unwind and remember the only times me and my siblings ever got along.” he played with his fingers. (name) watched him talk. “but now, they’re just.. a bunch of dipshits.” he tossed one of the dead guy’s arms away.

“what about you? i’ve been stuck in an apocalypse to experience high school, how is it?” he finally asked her.

“like i’m stuck in an apocalypse.” she retorted back with a smile in attempts to lighten the mood. he snickered lightly, “always thought it would seem so. thank you, (name).” he finally returned the smile.

she smiled wider, “hey, you intrigued me. can’t help it.”

[itsnotbird]

Orphic ~ File 6

Kalon (adj.) ; Possessing a beauty that is more than skin deep

Bucky!Barnes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of violence, trauma, Bucky slowly growing crazy, obsession, alcohol, tw

Previous Part

Masterlist

It’s a slight twitch, one that contorts your sleeping face. You spiral into a dream.

“Head Father won’t be happy.”

“He’s never happy.”

Fifteen is a strange age to be covered in blood, but here you are in the shower room, getting your hands scrubbed by 502. A deal gone wrong, that’s going to earn you three days in the pen.

You talk in hush whispers, if anyone finds you talking in English, you’ll be in bigger trouble.

“I’ll be in trouble when he returns from Siberia.” You exclaim, pulling the gun from the holster tucked into the back of your pants.

“We’ll be in our way to Miami before he returns, it’ll buy you some time. Listen to what Mikhaylov tells you, be obedient and maybe Father will go easy on you.”

She pulls your hair from the braid it was in, then points to one of the showers.

“I’ll stand guard.” She promises.

That was a moment of peace before agents were taking you to the lab.

“Hello, 505.”

You sit in the metal chair, completely silent, just staring at the badge on his dirty white coat.

Jon Petrov.

Your eyes open, staring at the window. Quickly before you forget, you throw the covers off of you and rush to your desk in the corner, pulling out a notepad and writing down every detail. Still in your pajamas, you rush out of your room, down the halls, searching for someone to show.

Your mouth opens, one single noise comes out as if you were to call upon someone, but then you remember they’re all gone.

They left for Vermont early in the morning.

They couldn’t have left you alone, could they?

You shut your eyes, seeing if you can locate an energy close by.

Dr. Banner is in the lab.

“Jesus, kid.” He states in shock as you stand in the doorway, completely silent. “It’s crazy weird how soft you walk.”

You give a sorry smile and hold your notes out. He takes them with a curious look, then looks them over.

“Did you just remember this?” He asks.

You nod your head.

“Good, I’ll send it over to the team, maybe it can help.”

You don’t stick around, you go back to wandering aimlessly, trying to decide if you actually want to get dressed.

Most would argue that today was a day that you make the rules.

Because today is your birthday, and you are alone.

You do get dressed, knee socks, skirt, top, nothing extremely interesting, but you glide around the halls effortlessly, entertaining yourself while the entire floor is empty for once. Pushing random buttons on the stereo until music plays, you recognize the song.

You and 503 were in a Los Angeles strip club for a mission three years ago, dancing to this song. She looked over at you with a grin, enjoying the exotic dancer life a little too much.

You shake your head, trying to get rid of the memory. Into the kitchen you go, and decide you could easily figure out how to make a birthday cake.

As awful as that place was, if you were good, those in charge of your division would bake you a cake and reward you with gifts- gifts they’d take away as soon as you slipped up.

And even though you have directions pulled up on your phone, the mixing of ingredients doesn’t exactly go smoothly. It takes probably double the time it would normally take to pour the batter into a cake tin and put it into the oven.

Then it occurs to you that you’ve never used an oven so it takes a moment to understand the entirely too high tech thing.

All these simple things, and yet you have no clue. You’re a trained assassin with altered abilities, you will not be defeated by things of a 1950’s housewife.

Now you aren’t exactly sure how you get here, licking a spoonful of frosting while standing on top of the grand island. Like a trance, you dance to the loud music, nursing the power coming from your finger tips, letting it mist around the room.

How free you feel.

The timer goes off and you pull the perfectly round cake from the oven, frosting it. There’s no candles laying around, so you use matches.

You smile to yourself, then blow out the flames. You eat a slice, then put it in the fridge with a note that says ‘Not poisoned, enjoy’, making sure the others know it’s trustworthy.

That might not be normal, but it’s always been a concern of yours when eating things.

Dancing into the living room, you lose yourself in the beat, not really concerned about anything else.

The team returns from the leads in Vermont with not much success, only a few things they can work with.

“Is that music?” Steve asks as they enter the living quarters. The doors open upon their arrival, letting them follow the beats in the air.

“Aren’t you supposed to have enhanced hearing? Yeah, it’s music.” Tony rolls his eyes.

It gets louder and louder, a trail that leads them to the show.

A bottle of champagne in one hand, you twirl around, hips swaying, good footwork, hair falling messy in your face. You look a little messy, eyeliner smudged, lips red from sucking straight from the bottle.

Bucky’s heart stops in his chest.

You’re gorgeous.

The team just stops and stares, frozen in shock.

You choke and sputter on your next drink, finally seeing the group watching you.

You immediately halt in your movement, then flick your hand in the direction of the stereo to turn it off.

They have no words, of course you don’t either.

Nat bites her amused laugh back, taking pleasure in seeing you so care free.

“This might not be the right terminology…” Steve starts. “But why are you…busting a move?”

Everyone groans.

They exclaim things like ‘Steve, really?’, ‘That’s so dumb to ask’, and ‘Okay, Grandpa’.

Mood deflated, you just turn and walk away.

“You pissed her off, good job, Steve.” Sam says, monotonously.

“Was that not what people say?” He asks in genuine confusion.

As the group argues, Bucky watches your retreating frame until you disappear entirely.

“She’s not needed for the debrief, let’s get a move on that.” Tony finally says, ending previous conversation. But as Wanda returns from the kitchen, holding your cake, she wears a frown.

“It’s her birthday…”

Everyone’s expressions fall.

- - - -

The water’s cold as you sit at the dock, feet in the lake, bottle in your lap.

The wind blows, sending a shiver through you. Your body temperature might drop significantly, but you choose to stay seated. Your lips make a pop noise as they come off the bottle, and behind you comes footsteps. You’ve learned how everyone’s feet sound as they strike the ground.

You also know his boots sound different than the others.

“Hello, James.” You say, not turning to look at him.

He smirks slightly to himself, feeling extremely special. He is still the only one you talk to, and that possessive part of him wants it to stay that way.

You didn’t need to speak to anyone, anything you needed, he’d do for you. He’d want you to save that pretty voice of yours for him and him only-

Stop.

No.

He shakes his head free of those thoughts.

“You don’t want to know how the mission went?” He asks, looking down at you.

“How did it go?”

“Dead end.”

You hum, then take another drink.

He sighs at your defeated face, then decides he has enough self control to sit by your side.

“Why didn’t you let anyone know it was your birthday?” He asks, feeling relieved when you don’t move away from him.

You shrug. “There are far more important things than my birthday.”

Bucky scoffs. “Well that’s a depressing attitude.”

No smile, he feels defeated.

“Happy birthday.” He says next. “What, you nineteen now?”

There it is, that smile.

“Twenty five.” You correct, lifting the bottle back to your lips, though some of it spills down your chin.

His eyes watch it, how the champagne slips down the skin of neck.

He swallows hard.

Quickly, he tries to come up with something clever to say so he can distract himself from the urge to lean forward and taste it on your skin.

Christ, Sam might be right, he might be obsessed with you.

“Twenty five…I don’t remember being twenty five.” He says, and he watches as you turn to him.

“You were still a sergeant.” You say. “…I guess you’ll always be a soldier though, right?”

His head cocks in question.

“I read your file.” You admit. “I’ve read it a few times.”

He stares at you, trying to read your expression. What did you mean you’ve read it? Did that mean you knew everything? …What do you think of him now?

You can feel his anxiety, that’s why you are quick to continue.

“You’ve been Steve’s best friend since day one, they declared you an expert sniper, they scratched out the label of potential threat and wrote in ‘handy to have’.”

The champagne was really getting to you now, or was it because he is looking at you so intensely?

“Did you study everyone or am I just special?” He says with sarcasm.

“I’ve read everyone’s file, figured I should since everyone’s read mine.”

“I haven’t.”

He’s quick to say it, but you know he means it.

His blue eyes are soft for a man so adapt to killing.

Your breath comes out of your parted lips. Suddenly, the bottle is pulled from your weak grasp.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to be getting drunk.” He says, taking a drink for himself before setting it down away from you.

“I have free will now, more than I know what to do with.” You state, gazing deeply.

He feels like he’s been drugged, but really it’s just that you’re right beside him, shivering, smelling like vanilla and cherries. It makes him a little woozy.

You blame your forwardness on the sugar and alcohol in your system. Your fingers reach to run against the cool metal of his dog tags that have fallen over his shirt.

“I like these.” You say softly, like you don’t even know you’re saying it.

“Why?” He asks, hoping you can’t feel the way his heart is pumping way too hard.

“I like the idea of having a name.”

Fuck. That’s heartbreaking.

Bucky furrows his brows. “You had a name once…didn’t you?”

Your finger twists around the chain of the tags, completely absentmindedly. “I had a lot of things once…a name, a home, a mother…they were all erased from my brain when they chemically altered me.” You explain, pulling your hand back. “They took it all from me…all I got out of it was murderous talents and a brand in my skin like I’m cattle.”

Bucky stays silent for a moment, watching as you think back. A dry chuckle leaves your throat.

“убийца. That’s what they used to call me with a smile on their face, like it was a compliment. God, I want to end them so bad.” You say, nose sniffling as you look away from him.

“Killer.” He translates. “Yeah, I know something about that.”

The two of you sit there, staring out at the water that falling leaves are slowly landing on top of. Bucky can’t stand to watch you shiver anymore, and the fact you’re just enduring it honestly makes him annoyed, annoyed at you lack of self preservation.

“You’re freezing, maybe you should go find Steve, get warm?” He says, trying not to sound bitter or worse, jealous.

Without one single word, you shift closer in one fluid motion and lean your head on his shoulder.

“Steve isn’t the only one with blood that runs hot.” You say softly.

Pressed right into his side, you continue to look out into the distance. He doesn’t know about this ability, but you can feel how his heart beats hard, and you know that if you concentrate, you can slow it down. Not lethally, not in the way you always dis, not to kill. Just to ease.

- - - -

“Your 11 o’clock is already here for you.”

Dr. Raynor thanks the front desk assistant and lets confusion over take her.

What was he doing here early? He always puts the sessions off to the very last second.

“James-” She hardly makes it into the office before he’s urgently standing from the couch.

“I need drugs.”

“What? James-”

“I know I said no to whatever you offered me before- what was it? Zo- something? PhantomZo or something? It doesn’t matter what it is, a damn horse tranquilizer would do, but I need something.”

Raynor calmly sits behind her desk. “Let’s slow down, yeah? Sit down.”

Bucky obeys.

“Now, why do you want the prescription? Why now?” She asks, not realizing she’s just opened a can of worms.

“I need my mind to go blank, I’m tempted to chew on a power cord to make it happen. Shock therapy did the trick before.” He says in a dead serious tone, making the woman look at him unamused.

“Humor helps you cope, so I’m not gonna tell you why that statement is severely wrong, but how about you tell me why you need your mind blank?”

He groans, running his hands through his hair. “The damn thing won’t stop. It just goes lightening speed all the time, so I need to shoot the hamster up there that won’t stop running on the wheel.”

Raynor looks at him, puzzled and worried that he’s regressing. She pulls out her notes from their first sessions.

“What thoughts are you having? Violent ones? About harming yourself or others?” She asks.

“No, no.” He grunts. “It’s this- it’s not violent. But they’re so annoying, I can’t even sleep. Blue, she’s-she’s there, all the damn time! I shut my eyes and she’s- and I can’t even speak sometimes- am I having a stroke? The age is really catching up to me, huh?”

She could dissect all of that and spend an hour talking about each thing.

But her first question, the biggest question, is the one she persists with.

“Who’s Blue?”

Next part

[lillysturns]

Breathtaking - matt sturniolo

Based on this request

Summary: You and matt get invited to a birthday party and with the dress code being dress, (for the girls obviously) you struggle a bit.

Warnings: A little cursing here and there but else none just total fluff. :)

Reminder: English is not my first language so i’m sorry if there is any misspellings, also my first fanfic so i’m sorry again if it’s bad or not what you wanted!

Me and Matt are sitting in the kitchen, when my phone alarm goes off. “Fuck, that scared the shit out of me” he says and dramatically puts a hand on his chest.

I chuckle slightly, then press the alarm away and stand up from my chair. “You gonna get ready now too or no?” i ask him while leaning against the kitchen counter. “Mh, give me ten minutes and i’ll start” he says while also standing up and walking over to the couch to sit down.

I sigh and walk into our bedroom, closing the door behind me. I sit down at my makeup desk and pull out my phone to connect it to my speaker, because i wanna listen to music. The music starts playing and i start doing my makeup while vibing a little, since my favourite song is playing.

After around 30 minutes i’m done with my makeup and spray on some setting spray on it, smiling at myself in the reflection slightly. I get up from my chair and open the bedroom door to see what matt is up to, obviously he’s still on the couch not getting ready.

“Matt i swear you better get ready now” i say while looking at him, laying on the couch and watching some lacrosse game. He looks at his phone and sees the time. “Oh shit, yeah babe don’t worry i’ll get ready now-“ he stops mid sentence and looks at you, “Wow you look stunning” he says while getting up and walking over to me. I smile shyly and shake my head.

“Don’t lie, lying is not good you know?” i say as i softly press a finger against his forehead. He just laughs slightly and kisses me softly. I kiss him back and swing my hands around his neck, then pull away from the kiss. “I still have to change, ill be right back and while i’m gone you better be getting ready” i say while giving him a quick peck on his lips, then disappearing into the bedroom to get changed.

I hear him chuckle from outside the bedroom and slightly smile, then walk over to my wardrobe and search for something to wear. A second after i begin searching, my best friend calls me, i obviously pick up.

“Hey girl, soo i hope you didn’t forget about the dress code i made for us girls” she says with alot of excitement. Then it hits me, i have to wear a dress which i normally don’t do because i hate wearing tighter clothes. „O-oh yeah no, i didn’t forget…” i say while looking at myself in the mirror. “Okay amazinggg, see you soon girly love ya!” she’s says and hangs up.

The moment she hangs up i look into my closet, hoping to find a wider dress. I finally find a little bit wider one and put it on, but the moment i put it on tears well up in my eyes. “I can’t wear a dress i feel too big” i think to myself while trying to hold the tears back. Moments later matt comes in.

“Okay you ready sweetheart because-“ he stops talking once he sees that i’m on the verge of tears. “Baby what’s wrong?” he says while going up to me and lifting my chin up with his fingers, so i look at him.

“I look stupid in this, matt” i say while looking at him with teary eyes. He shakes his head. “You look perfect in that dress, it suits you so well” he says while softly caressing my cheek. “B-but look at my tummy” i say while turning around to look in the mirror again. “Beautiful yes, now stop looking at your reflection” he says while trying to cover the mirror with his big hands.

I chuckle softly seeing him struggling to cover the mirror. “See that’s what i wanna hear, non of that other stuff okay?” he says while pulling me into a hug. I instantly melt into the hug and smile against his chest. “I wish you could see yourself with my eyes, because you’re literally breathtaking” he says while holding me close. “Stop it, im gonna cry” i say while looking up at him.

“No no, no crying here” he says and lifts me up. “Heyy let me down” i say while squealing slightly. He shakes his head and spins me around before setting me back down. “You ready to go, pretty girl?” he says while taking my hand, intertwining fingers with me. I just nod and smile at him.

“I’m so happy to have you, you know that?” i say while we walk out the bedroom, leaving for the party.

I really hope yall like this and if anyone wants to be on the tag list let me know!

@honeybee240 here you go!!

[fanfictionismyaddiction]

Falling Into Place

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10

Word count: 816

Pairning: Aaron Hotchner x Agent!reader

Summary: Y/n navigates her new role at the BAU while witnessing a softer side of her boss

______________________________________________________________

The day carried on with a surprising quietness. You found yourself glancing toward Hotch’s office more than once, a little nervous about how Ava was holding up. But every time you checked, she was lying peacefully on the couch, occasionally curling up with the small blanket you had brought from home. A small part of you couldn't help but feel touched by Hotch's gesture—letting your daughter rest in his space.

As you sat back at your desk, trying to focus on the case in front of you, Spencer Reid sidled up to you, a soft smile on his face. "So, you have a daughter?" His tone was friendly but curious.

You nodded, smiling back. "I do. Ava. She’s four, but you wouldn’t know it from how mature she can be." There was pride in your voice, despite the lingering exhaustion that came from single motherhood. "She’s smart, just like her uncle Spencer," you added, teasing him lightly.

Reid blushed, ducking his head. “I’m sure she is.”

"She's lucky to have you as a mom," JJ chimed in, leaning on the edge of her desk. "And don’t worry about her being here. We’ve all had to bring our kids in at some point."

A weight lifted slightly from your shoulders at JJ’s reassurance. The team didn’t seem to mind, and that was a relief. But you couldn’t stop wondering what Hotch really thought. Despite his unexpectedly kind gesture, his earlier coldness still hung in the back of your mind.

Later, as the afternoon wore on, you noticed Hotch making his way toward his office. You braced yourself, expecting him to maybe check on Ava and then return to his usual aloof self. Instead, he paused outside the door, glancing at you briefly.

"I was just going to check on your daughter," he said, as though reading your thoughts. His voice was neutral, but something about the way he said it felt… warmer. It was subtle, but you could hear it.

"Thank you," you replied softly, watching as he disappeared into the office.

A few minutes passed, and then you saw Hotch stepping back into the bullpen, holding Ava in his arms. Your heart skipped a beat—seeing the stern, serious Aaron Hotchner cradling your little girl was enough to send your mind spinning. Ava’s large brown eyes were half-open, her cheek pressed against his shoulder, and Hotch’s expression had softened considerably.

“She woke up,” Hotch said quietly as he approached your desk. “She’s still not feeling great, but I think she just wanted to see you.”

You quickly stood, gently taking Ava from him. She clung to you, her little arms wrapping around your neck.

"Thanks," you murmured, meeting his gaze.

Hotch nodded, his eyes lingering on you and Ava for a moment longer. “If you need to leave early, go ahead. We’ll manage.”

You were caught off guard. The gruff, seemingly unfeeling Hotchner was showing understanding, maybe even concern. It made you see him in a new light—one that you hadn't expected.

"I’ll be fine," you replied, bouncing Ava gently as she rested her head against your shoulder. "But... thank you."

Before Hotch could respond, Rossi strolled by, a knowing smirk on his face. “I see we have a future profiler in training here,” he teased, glancing at Ava.

Hotch’s lips twitched, and you swore you saw the faintest trace of a smile.

“She certainly has the eyes for it,” Hotch added, surprising you further. His words were gentle, almost affectionate, as he looked at your daughter.

Later, as the day came to a close, and the team began packing up, you were still struck by how different Hotch had been with Ava. He wasn’t the cold, distant boss you had initially pegged him for. And though he still carried that air of authority, there was something underneath—a warmth you hadn’t expected.

As you prepared to leave, Ava clinging to your side, Hotch approached you one last time.

"If you ever need help with her, don’t hesitate to ask," he said, his voice lower than usual. There was something about the way he looked at you—a subtle shift in the way he saw you now, perhaps not just as an agent, but as a mother.

For the first time since joining the BAU, you felt a connection with him. Maybe he wasn’t just the rigid boss who didn’t like you. Maybe there was more to him than the stoic exterior. And maybe, just maybe, you could trust him with more than just your work.

"Thank you, Aaron," you replied softly, using his first name for the first time.

He nodded, his eyes flicking down to Ava once more before turning away. You watched him go, feeling a strange mix of emotions bubbling inside you. Maybe this transfer wasn’t just about a change of scenery. Maybe it was the beginning of something more—for both you and your daughter.

[thatdesigirl17]

please

jess mariano x fem!reader

requested by @dkjndfnmdfmdmnd I don't know if this is what you wanted but I hope you like it! no warnings, but its basically fluff and angst.

‘Do I have to go?’, Y/N whined as Lorelai pushed her in her room. ‘Yes, Luke and Liz both have invited you, it’ll be rude plus do you really wanna miss that wedding? It’ll be our share of entertainment for the entire week!’, Lorelai tried persuading her. Y/N was home for another week due to her holidays at Yale, although she wasn’t exactly Lorelei’s biological kid, Lorelai had basically adopted her since Y/N’s parents hardly used to be home because of their work and travel. Currently, Lorelai was trying to make Y/N come to Liz’s wedding with her, but she didn’t want to and the reason was simple. Jess Mariano. 

Jess was her ex-boyfriend, the love of her life, her best friend who had left without so much as a goodbye about two years ago and hadn’t been in touch since. ‘Is it because of him?’, Lorelai sighed, sitting on the bed. ‘What will I even say to him?’, Y/N said, sitting across Lorelai. ‘You could slap him.’, Lorelai suggested sarcastically, making Y/N chuckle, ‘You cannot skip the wedding because of a man! Have I taught you nothing? You are coming to the wedding and showing Jess what he missed out on okay? No more discussions.’ Lorelai said as she exited the room, closing the door behind her, and leaving Y/N to get ready. Y/N sighed, she knew Lorelai was right and decided to do exactly what she said. She got ready wearing a short dress with a corset, highlighting her chest and waist. She put on light makeup and flowers in her hair because Lorelai insisted upon following the Renaissance theme. 

Lorelai and Y/N went to Luke’s where he was waiting for them on the sidewalk. They greeted each other as Luke complimented Lorelai. ‘You look great, Y/N.’, he said, looking over at her. ‘Thank you.’, she smiled politely. They started walking together, towards the town square where the wedding was being held. ‘Hey Y/N, you gonna be okay?’, Luke asked. ‘I hope so.’, she smiled. He nodded and walked with Lorelai. 

Just as they got seated, Liz’s friend Carrie arrived and told them about how Liz had ripped her wedding dress. Lorelai got up to help and dragged Y/N with her to Miss Patty’s where Liz was getting ready.  They greeted each other as Lorelai inspected the rip and told Y/N to get some pins from her purse. 

‘Here you go-‘, Y/N said, stopping right in her tracks as soon as she entered the barn once again. She saw him, Jess, looking right at her. He looked the same, except he had let his hair grow long. She could feel his eyes roaming around her body, taking her presence in. ‘Hey.’, she breathed. ‘Hey.’, he responded with a nod, his face expressionless but his gaze soft. 

‘Y/N, honey, the pins.’, Lorelai reminded as they witnessed the staring contest taking place between Jess and Y/N. Y/N shook her head and walked towards Lorelai, brushing past Jess. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath as their arm brushed. ‘Here.’, she said, handing Lorelai the pins and looking at Jess through the mirror. The awkward tension filled the air in the room. 

‘All done!’, Lorelai chimed as she finished altering the dress. ‘I’ll go tell everyone.’, Jess said and left the barn hurriedly. Lorelai and Y/N too made their way out and back to their seats. Luke and Lorelai sat in the second row, next to each other, while Y/N sat in the first, next to an empty chair. ‘Luke, shouldn’t you be seated here?’, she asked, turning around. ‘He cannot sit without his date! And I’m not sitting in the first row.’, Lorelai jumped in, just as an old-timey traditional tune played, signalling the start of the ceremony as the flower girls marched. Y/N turned her attention back to the ceremony, her mind still replaying the flashbacks of Jess, the late night drives in his car, them sitting on the bridge by the lake, reading together or just taking walks around the town.  A man cartwheeling and tumbling brought her attention back to the wedding as Liz entered, walking down the aisle with Jess. 

Liz kissed Jess on the cheek as he sat down on the empty chair right next to Y/N, wiping his cheek. They gave each other a small smile as the minister came forward, singing a poem. The four of them clenched their jaws, trying their best not to laugh at the wedding ceremony. Y/N looked at Lorelai over her shoulder, both of them on the verge of laughing out loud. Jess reached over and gently placed his hand on top of hers, trying to control his laughter himself, but he knew how hard it was for her to control her laughter, especially in serious situations. She looked at him and bit her lip, finding him looking right back at her. She quickly looked ahead as the ceremony proceeded. 

‘How is Yale?’, he asked, leaning over close to her. ‘Good, what about you? Where are you currently?’, she asked. ‘Oh, just here and there.’, he answered. She nodded, a bit of anger flaring up at his vague response. 

‘You look good.’, he whispered, leaning close to her ear. ‘Thank you, so do you. You let your hair grow long.’, she remarked, looking at him as he smiled and nodded, ‘You know what they say, hair holds memory, didn’t want to take the risk of forgetting.’ 

‘Forget what? Your perfect little life in Stars Hollow that you had to run away from?’, she said sarcastically, a bit of anger in her voice. She could feel him visibly tense at her words as he retracted his hand. ‘Y/N, I-‘, he starts but stops and sighs. She waits for his answer, she has waited for his answer for months. 

‘Nothing? Seriously?’, she says, her words laced with disappointment. She looks at him expectantly waiting for him to say something, anything, but he doesn’t, he just looks down, staring at his hands. She exhales the breath she was holding and gets up, walking away. He gets up quickly, following her, ‘Y/N, wait!’ ‘Why should I? I think I’ve waited long enough, Jess.’, she says continuing walking. He sprints catching up to her, grabbing her arm, stopping her and stepping in front of her. ‘Please.’ ‘Why? You’re not gonna say anything.’, she said. ‘You know I’m not good at all this small talk, just give me a minute, please.’, he said. ‘Fine.’, she said crossing her arms as she waited for him to explain. 

He bit his lip and sighed before speaking, ‘Y/N, I’m sorry.’ ‘For what exactly? Leaving? Not saying goodbye? Not keeping in touch?’, she asks, her anger getting the best of her. ‘For everything, you didn’t deserve it, you didn’t deserve an idiot like me.’, he said, looking down. ‘You’re right I didn’t.’, she said, her gaze softening at his genuineness. ‘I’m so sorry, trust me if you will, there wasn’t a day I thought of reaching out to you.’, he said, finally meeting her gaze. ‘Why didn’t you?’, she asked. ‘I didn’t know what to say.’, he said, his voice low, a whisper, as he took her hands in his, ‘Y/N, I know this isn’t an excuse but I’m sorry, for everything.’ ‘Jess, I have to go.’, she said slowly removing her hands from his grasp. ‘Y/N, don’t. Please stay, let’s talk this out.’, he said, holding her arms preventing her from walking away. ‘Jess please, you don’t understand.’, she said, tears almost welling up in her eyes. ‘What don’t I understand?’, he said, confused. She didn’t answer him. ‘Make me understand.’, he tried to convince her. ‘If I stay here with you-‘, she started and then stopped, looking away. ‘What? What are you saying?’, he asked, a bit of frustration in his voice. ‘If I stay here with you, I’ll start loving you again! And you won’t, you’ll just leave, again.’, she said, her voice low as her confession hung in the air. 

‘You think I didn’t love you?’, he said. ‘You left me. It doesn’t exactly scream I love you.’, she said her anger still present. ‘I know, I’m sorry, I know this won’t make up for anything but I still need to do this.’, he said, as he cupped her cheeks in his hands, leaning in and kissing her. She kissed him back almost instantly, the feeling so familiar to her. His movements were so soft and sincere that it made her forget all about her anger. He pulled her closer, one of his hands snaking around her waist as she rested hers on his arms. He breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against hers, as he says breathlessly, ‘I’m sorry.’ 

Her phone rings startling them as they let go of each other. It’s Lorelai, she answers it. ‘Lorelai says dinner is served, we should go.’, she says as he nods softly and follows her lead. She goes on to find Lorelai as he takes his seat on the table set down for them. 

His eyes follow her every move, a small smirk appearing on his face as they make eye contact, while she talks to Lorelai. He gets up and walks over to her. ‘Dance with me?’, he asks towering behind her. ‘Are you high?’, she asks sarcastically,  turning around. ‘Just trying to make up.’, he shrugs. ‘You’ve got a long way ahead of you for that, don’t think this is it.’, she says as she lets him lead her to the dance floor. ‘Not even when I’m doing something I hate for you?’, he asks playfully. ‘Not even close.’, she chuckles, narrowing her eyes at him. He chuckles, a breath of relief leaving him as he hears her laugh.

He grabs her waist, pulling her closer and swaying to the rhythm of the song the band is playing. She rests her hands on his shoulders. ‘I intend on making it up to you.’, he says, leaning closer slightly. ‘It’ll probably cost you your entire lifetime.’, she chuckles. ‘Then so be it.’, he smirks.

[peaches2217]

Having been raised in a cult that started off as a legitimate church and now seeking faith on my own terms, I’ve recently (as in, like, three days ago) developed a hyperfixation for researching various denominations of Christianity. It’s incredible, how little I knew about what denominations actually believe what.

TW: Reflections on religious extremism and experiences (nothing traumatic, I’m keeping this lighthearted, but I know it can be touchy!)

When my cult was still a church, it was an Assemblies of God church, and I’m fairly certain they still hold to a lot of that doctrine, just with even more heaping helpings of fire and brimstone and doomsday. We were taught to jokingly view Southern Baptists (or just “Baptists,” because they refused to acknowledge American Baptists and I didn’t even realize American Baptism was a THING until recently) as our rivals: they were our polar opposite in practice but equals in theology, and all other denominations just couldn’t get it right or were too scared to break free from Catholicism. We were told Catholics and those who worshiped and believed like them weren’t true Christians and destined for Hell. There was no interdenominational unity and collaboration, nor was there any encouragement to look at other denominations’ doctrine. Ours was right, the Baptists were close enough, and nothing else held any sort of merit.

(I’m pretty sure now they’ve even cut out the Baptist sympathetics, and while it’s become wholly self-contained, they’re still accepted as an AoG church — albeit a more extreme example of the denomination — but I can’t say any of that with certainty. I’d ask my dad but, well, he’s still wholly devoted to the cult, I don’t trust him to be objective in his view. 😅)

I briefly attended an Episcopal church before I moved last year, mostly because it was the polar oppose of what I was raised in and there was something very comforting about that (plus they’re openly supportive of things like LGBTQ+ rights), but ultimately my dad and FB friends kinda shamed me out of attending because “There’s no blessing in structure, sis!”. My hope was to start going to the Episcopal church here where I currently live, but when I showed up last week, there were exactly two people and they gave me rather dirty looks, so I quickly high-tailed it back to my car.

I ended up at a Methodist church because I was running behind and theirs was the only non-Baptist service that hadn’t started yet, and… I dunno. They had some trappings of my birth cult, sang some of the same songs, but there was also a structure to things like I’d seen in the Episcopal church. No hour-long praise and worship where you make a show of screaming and crying harder than anyone else, followed by an hour-long sermon that leads into another two-hour stretch of loud music and light shows and shouldaboughtahyundai steadIboughtakias until everyone was either unconscious or in a state of religious ecstasy; there was an order to things, with opportunities to take time in private prayer at the alter or at your seat, and the sermon was heartfelt and impactful but never once delved into the pastor screaming frantically into the mic. I followed their website to the official doctrine of the United Methodist denomination, and I was shocked to find that I agreed with most of it.

And that shocked me because, due to their notoriously liberal stances and heavy Catholic influence, my dad and those around me always told me that the Episcopal church isn’t really respectable. Most of them, however, consider Methodism a perfectly legitimate denomination that gets enough right to be deemed a proper church… and their doctrine isn’t much more conservative than Episcopalian doctrine. They have no formal stance on queer issues (which I’ll take over “Y’all are going to Hell” any day) but they’re vocal proponents of social justice and sexual education, both things I was taught growing up are evil.

And that’s the long-winded explanation of how I got to where I am now: digging deep into what each denomination actually believes, because I knew my viewpoint was limited by experience and further restrained by indoctrination and trauma, but holy fuck, I didn’t realize just how crazy my cult’s beliefs were until I started comparing all the doctrine. Of course doctrine isn’t everything, I know that, but the more I read, the more and more I realize that the faith I was raised in wasn’t all that Christlike after all.

A side note: my boss let me take half a day off on Sunday to go back to that church. The pastor’s husband came up and greeted me, told me his wife had mentioned meeting me, asked me a couple questions, standard New Person in Church-type stuff. I got about two questions in before I was shaking visibly and so scared I went briefly nonverbal, because for how kindly I’ve been treated and how strong my faith is, I’ve still got hella religious trauma. I alluded to being raised in church and had my trans and enby pride bracelets on, along with my bigender symbol necklace, so I’m pretty sure he could infer exactly why I was so scared.

He clasped my hand and said, in a quiet voice with a little smile, “You’re safe here. This is a safe place. We’re so glad you’re here.” I couldn’t say anything except thank you, but I hope it was enough to express just how deeply those words impacted me.