Possibly even more on crack Stardew headcanons and whatnot because yes 👍
First post
Void chickens are burnt
With enough void mayonnaise, you could possibly obtain the goblin Henchman’s loyalty if only that the Witch doesn’t curse you first
All rabbits are honed in the fine art of keychain making. Hence the lucky rabbit feet they give off
We still don’t know where they’re getting the extra feet though…
Junimo have short, soft, fluffy fur 🍏
They’re also squeezable like a stress ball or a balloon filled with slime
Don’t take (much) fall damage or injury from being tossed at stacks of cans 🥫, but that’s very mean so why would you do that-
From what the witch remembers, humans typically hate void chickens because their eggs are gross but aPARENTLY she guessed wrong with the farmer when she cursed their hen house. She wanted them to eat the egg out of curiosity and suffer for a day or two but noooooo they INCUBATED it out of curiosity instead of consuming it ahhhhhhhhhhhh
She guessed right on cursing the slime hutch with black slimes though because we all know naughty children hate coal.
Gil at some point did a joke slime making video using an actual cave slime, and people just thought it was cool effects and CGI stuff. So now he’s a hit with the slime making fantasy types
Marlon also walked in on him giving a slime a glitter bath. Gil also had glitter all over his face from the slime hitting him head on.
Most of the decorations for the festivals are stored in Pierre’s, the Saloon’s, and the Community Center’s attics
Pierre, Caroline, and Abigail are a family with Spirits Eve colored hair and are therefore— Spooky~
Sometimes… when he’s tired of fish but still wants meat… Willy may eat… a bug steak 🥩
No one thought or knew that the farmer was going to ask someone to dance at the Flower Dance, and so they didn’t even think to get them a proper outfit for the occasion
Or no one had a spare outfit that fit the farmer and just didn’t care to get them one at that point
OR the farmer just outright didn’t want to wear the dance outfit because ew
We have no idea why they didn’t dress up for their own wedding though
The large candy canes placed around the town and sold as decorations at the Feast of the Winter Star and the Night Market are indeed edible 👍
I think that was already canon, but Gus why are you putting them in the dirt-
Shane was persuaded into getting Animal Crossing New Horizons. His island is full of chicken villagers plus Punchy.
Went feral and then sad for a hot minute upon learning of Hector’s existence and him not being in New Horizons
Grandpa’s bed, was in fact, a ping pong table 🏓
The farmer passing out at 2:00am at the latest and waking up at 6:00am at the earliest is a weird internal clock thing. Probably developed from working at Joja Co™️ all those years
Mr Qi personally sent that strange figure who sells the farmer a Farm Warp Totem to be there at the Night Market because he knows the farmer is gonna forget to check the time and then pass out on a mad dash back to the farm
Mr Qi also cannot possibly be human. What is he really? An elf? Vampire? Sorcerer? Snake hybrid? 7 Junimos in a trench coat? Just a man who spray paints himself blue for the aesthetic?
If you have ever seen Caroline’s tea cutscene, then you should know that the tea she drinks probably has a non-zero amount of cannabis in it.
Or maybe not… but like… why was there a lil squid person in there? Drinking tea aswell?? And disappeared with a puff of steam/smoke????
Actually- the tea she had was green, very sparkly and ripple-y. I bet Rasmodius had something to do with it. Because you know what happened with Rasmodius’s tree cutscene and uh… *cough* *cough* that other thing about the wizard-
Professor Snail has a snail under his hat named Mikey 🐌 that he picked up from the month he spent trapped in a cave
The kids of pelican town (Jas, Vincent, + Leo maybe) and the ASS trio (Abigail, Sam, Sebastian), are knowledgable of Krobus’s existence at least somewhat. Also Willy and Gunther 👌
Mr Qi eats Junimos🍏 ..sometimes-
Why? Because they’re like apples, he’s a mysterious son of a gun, and because these are crack headcanons that’s why-
Rasmodius is actively trying to get him magically banned from entering the community center and any other place currently occupied by them…
(spoiler?) …including Jojamart™️
Mr Qi’s outfit actually glows in the dark with a buncha tiny lights and glittery bits. Also shiny like a disco ball maybe ✨
Just hit him with a high powered flashlight and he becomes this ✨
Willy has seen the horrors 🐟
The Iridium bar required in the slime hutch, contrary to popular belief, is not just used as an extra brick for fun. Robin’s gotta smelt it down and add a lil bit of its essence to every stone making up the walls and foundation. (Hard work, y’know?). One bar is just enough to bless the hutch and requiring more seemed to be asking for too much.
Haley follow’s the Queen of Sauce’s Stardew equivalent of Instagram
Junimo Kart should not exist
The whole 100 floors down Skull Caverns was a ruse in an attempt to kill you, the farmer, but it failed because you didn’t die on the whole trip down and are also somehow immune to snake milk (venom). Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger I guess 🤷♂️🥛🐍
The farmer is indeed a cryptid. They don’t even breath
Instead of actual armor they instead rely on boots and rings for their protection??? They HAVE a hat, shirt, and pants slot, they CAN wear more armor than just boots if they had any but noooooooo. They like dancing with death so it seems
Actively just challenging Yoba to smite them: Being able to just consume food you really shouldn’t (ex. Void mayonnaise, mushrooms) and do it again once out of the hospital, Just carrying metal tools in thunderstorms, Being able to get hit by the valley’s train and brush it off, Repetitively going into the mines and Skull Caverns despite Harvey’s warnings, Drinking a weird unnatural drink offered by a mysterious stranger twice, also if they get their hands on it, carrying around freaking RADIOACTIVE ore without protection like it’s nothing????
Like I’m still not over the radioactive ore, even if I’ve never encountered it yet-
Also whatever the heck is happening on the Ginger Island dungeon? I’m pretty sure that’s lava everywhere in there??? And you just use your dinky watering can to cross it like no big deal??????
Stardew Valley so just so wild man
At least one person’s gonna be pissed at the farmer if they caught the legendary fish, put them in their fridge, and accidentally made sashimi with them. Maybe Gordy and Tex…
Also proof that the farmer is a cryptid is that they can catch all 5 legendary fish and their relatives without a sweat. Like Willy’s been at this for years. Also where do the relatives come from-
The fact that Pierre hates being given legendary fish is weird to me. I feel like that’s a boasting opportunity to have one in his funky lil shop.
I feel like Willy should also be happier than neutral upon being given the honor of owning one of these legendary fish. Or maybe he’s equally surprised as he is pissed that he wasn’t the one to do it and it cancels out.
Actually- maybe he catch and released? I’m too tired for this man
Gordy in The Fisherman Act ll is a wuss
The Crystalarium just can’t handle the Gay Shard’s power. Haley also can’t handle the Gay Shard apparently.
If you give a Junimo hut a Fairy Stone, are you just giving them the fossil of a long dead relative of theirs? Would that be weird?
If Abigail ate a fairy stone, would she be cursed by the fae for like… eating their crystallized bones
Forget what I said earlier about Emily wielding a parrot perch, she uses the unobtainable Holy Blade now- 🗡✨
If the farmer ever sees the green creature at the pelican town docks, just know that they probably hate you
Your dad probably has a rock collection. Why else is he sending you quality stones
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there’s something so sacred about the relationship queer masc folks have to pleasure. i’m thinking folks on that spectrum between masc dyke/transmasc. in my experience because folks have such a nuanced relationship with their own bodies & varying levels of comfort with being touched, there is SO much emphasis on sharing pleasure, on mirroring the pleasure that they give.
it’s this incredible spin on the hetero thing of taking pleasure FROM someone, where pleasure is not a zero-sum game; their pleasure is the same as my pleasure, things that don’t feel good to me don’t feel good to them. it’s like when you put two mirrors in front of one another and they are refracted into infinity: turning me on turns you on, seeing you turned on turns me on, and it just escalates until we’re both shaking and satisfied and exhausted.
i see this so much in how ppl relate to their strap, or how they react when i’m riding and grinding on them - the times i’ve made someone come without touching them or even taken off their clothes, because seeing me and feeling my weight is enough to evoke the physical feeling of being inside me. i swear i saw God the first time i felt someone come inside me through the strap. these experiences have brought me so much closer to my own body and the pleasure i can not only experience but share. it’s so holy, and in the times when someone has wanted me to touch and pleasure them it felt so intimate and precious to be given that trust. no cis man could’ve helped me unlock this.
AND i see all of this mirrored too in the protector/carer dynamic - like i love the feeling of strong arms around me, love the emotion of someone wanting me to be theirs and wanting to keep me safe. and i love the squishy insides, love to be a source of sweetness and healing and regeneration, love to hold someone in my bare palms and be able to say this is for you, this care and pleasure i give you is yours to keep. i love how those things are seen and received rather than taken for granted the way that cis men do.
anyways when i hear people say femme/masc dynamics recreate straightness, or that thing of “well why don’t you just date a REAL man then?” i want to say that’s EXACTLY the point. queer masculinity gives me everything i cherish about men without the violence, the ownership that men are raised & trained for.
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