#I’m not going to get any peace
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me stoically navigating my way through drama bc bigger things are ahead and it’s not my fault people are dumb
#kissed a guy at a kickback and thought we caught a vibe only to find out he just wants to fuck me. next#friend’s bf of 7 years drunkenly hit on me at the same kickback (I was not ok w this). they ended up beefing over me. he denied everything.#do I want to be involved in this? no. and so I simply ignore it and keep it pushing#and the guy I kissed is cancelled. like he is dead to me. so that’s also taken care of#it’s back to studying full-time for the mcat#going to the gym/taking walks daily#volunteering at the refugee center + clinic#getting published in orgo research papers#and trying to snag the opportunity to shadow doctors at a massive cancer research center. like I’d kill for it#december was such a mess but I’ve finally made peace w the fact that most of the stuff that happened I couldn’t prevent#but I’ve mourned it enough !! whatever drama comes out of it I’ll handle just fine#i literally want to be a multitasking academic weapon everyone is intimidated of this year#i am not letting something as puny as a dumb man (both of them btw) stop me. goodbye#also everyone involved is older than me (they’re both 23) but it all just feels like such high school behavior#this is not a euphoria episode like I’m literally just not entertaining any of this#had to get this off my chest. i feel better#p
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the zine’s officially out, so I can post my contribution for the @extraordinaryzine :D!
my piece is an interpretation of the caverns on Iron Island 🏝️ so I wanted to incorporate more of the water surrounding it by creating a sea cave to have light spill inside (akin to the modra špilja/blue grotto)
the focus of the zine was on the daily lives of trainers and their pokemon, so Riley uses a spot inside the caverns like this to meditate with his team, although any new Riolu he trains can’t resist wanting to jump into the water to play υ´˶ ･ﻌ･ ˶`υﾉ”
this piece alongside a ton of amazing artists can be found free to download digitally here! (and lastly some closeups bc I liked getting all the little deets down)
#kagarts#trainer riley#stat trainer riley#pokemon dppt#pokemon zine#this one definitely proved to be a bit of a challenge since. backgrounds are a whole other thing#but this got me interested in worldbuilding on a location#got me incorporating various elements from both the games and anime bc they both have their own specific strengths and limitations#that make it fun to interpret and feel more lived in#I can ramble a bit about it but for one the island in the games is just limited to being >place to defeat team galactic at#there’s only really leftover caves after mining expeditions so it’s mostly just abandoned mines type of deal#and riley’s singular house you can visit of course#but the anime includes a port town and scientists studying different parts of the island#so it fills in the gap left behind from game limitations#if there’s a town on an island specifically full of stronger pokemon that adds onto what riley’s job is on said island#to make sure either side of the town and caverns on the island are kept in check/at peace#adds to that job of being iron island’s guardian (and I haven’t even gotten started on aura yet LMAO)#I have a lot of notes but I’m saving any extras for later#go get this digital zine!!! it’s free!!!!!!
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…ok so I got inspired <3
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Thesis in the tags
#OKAY SO HEAR ME OUT#Amelia is probably the most jealous person to ever relationship.#but it comes naturally ONLY for Javi. she never got jealous while dating Ollie or any of the previous partners.#but when she started dating javi—something flipped a switch in her and BOI OH BOI DID SHE GET. JEALOUS. OF EVERYTHING.#which kinda sucks because Javi is a music sensation and POPULAR 😭#and she’s Horny. SO. so. SO. horny. like. maybe it’s the Rafkonian biology but if he wakes her up in the middle of the night#saying ‘babe I’m horny’ she just. fucking. would go down on him. then and there.#LIKE SHE WOULD SEE HIM TAKING A PEACEFUL BATH AND GO ‘i wanna fuck you slide over’#and the exhibitionist kink 😭😭 don’t even get me started on that.#Javi was always a mama’s boy so he is THE best at cooking. his mom is even better. (typical desi mom Rina 😭👍🏻)#and so he makes them food. and she does the dishes because his prosthetics don’t let him do watery work good.#Amelia isn’t good with lovey dovey words. Javi is a POET.#HE TOLD HER HE LOVED HER BY WRITING HER A SONG#AND TELLING HER ‘you are the very oxygen i breathe’.#and he waited for her confession for three years 😭 for her to fall in love with him and for her to tell him she loved him#and like#idk man#also she steals all of his clothes.#Javi got vvv annoyed once realising she doesn’t have ANY super loose sweatshirts and comfortable things to wear. not even pyjamas.#(she used to prefer sleeping naked) but ever since she discovered Javi’s oversized hoodies… that fit juuust perfectly. theresno going back.#ever#anyway thank you for coming to my ted talk :D#they’re sooooo in love your honor I cant~#power rangers#power rangers dino fury#amelia jones#Javi garcia#cosmic fury#power rangers cosmic fury#dino fury
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been thinking about how asuna’s [spoiler] scene in the last chapter of idol sengen is oddly underwhelming in the volume version compared to the piccoma release?
i mean l i ke (spoiler reveal under the cut)—
idk if it’s just me but seeing it in colour made the scene hit harder somehow? in some way?
s o . im just. thinking ahead here but…
what if i tried to overlay the colour panel onto the page when i eventually tl it in a few months?
i’m not good at picture editing at all.
b u t still.
i kinda wanna try to go the extra mile for asuna anyway… hmmmmmmmmm…
#oh welllll. in the end that’s for future me to decide ig…#i’m not even sure if anyone would be interested in it anyway…#maybe i could pay someone to do it for me instead (<-has 0 connections)#hm. maybe i should’ve tried to socialise more in school. maybe i’d have met a p.shop guy or two lmao#oh well. ig it’s video tutorial time… maybe… i hope i don’t fall asleep~~~~ bc it’s for asuna….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#in any case!!!! my mind and productivity has been completely ruined by thoughts on my newfound doomed crackship of asuna x sena#like it’s a ship that could go wrong in so many ways (whether asuna gets with sena or not) and im just. ✨thoughts✨ yk???#i love the concept of rivals/enemies to lovers asumona but. like. asusena. yk.#like picture this: pov you just realised that your loving gf’s sister is the same newbie idol you’ve been unfairly antagonising and such#a n d knowing how strong sena’s sisterly love for mona is… yk??? doomed crackship is ✨doomed✨#aighhtttt ok im done with asuna thoughts for the day i s w e a r#(though ngl if they somehow end up giving asuna a cv and she somehow turns out to be ✨e m i t s u n✨ of honoka-chan fame (very unlikely)…)#(…i will pass on in ✨peace✨ idk i just think her powerful yet soothing voice would suit asuna (<-fell back into ll phase))#o k o k im done fr this time i s w e a r anyways stan asuna frusu ok bye
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So I have this week off work.
I like knew I’d end up spending some of it sad.
But like I didn’t expect the sads to hit within a couple hours of waking up in the first day off.
#trying to find a balance of venting that gets the thoughts out of my head some wo feeling like I’m dwelling on it#I’m off this week bc of canceled plans#and I don’t have any new plans#I could have made a bigger effort prolly#and it’s likely some more last minute things will happen#but like I love the security and peace of mind of having plans made in advance#and that’s been so hard to get#I know the type of guys I tend to go for makes it harder#but still is being a sucky feeling right now#it just feels really lonely sometimes#personal#venting
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#like i’ll be honest i haven’t Wanted canon buddie for ages bc i didn’t think id like how it would go down#and i definitely would never want it now#what i do want is eddie getting his own storylines and his life not taking place all offscreen#and it’s my period talking probably but it’s becoming increasingly clear the show has no interest in him outside of buck#so im just gonna remove myself from this so i don’t keep getting miserable#this fandom has been a nightmare to be involved in ❤️#buck girlies and buddie girlies who never cared about eddie just be thriving ❤️#this is sooooo over dramatic but as stated above….#i’m in my feelings today#anyways i haven’t decided what im gonna do with my fics yet idk if they’ll stay up forever#but for my own peace of mind i’m gonna bow out and probably won’t write any more idk man idk. like i doubt ill be watching much so idk
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3, 5, 14, 16, 22, 32, 38 💞
I was told these were for galen so that’s who I’ll answer for fjdkslfjf (galael belongs to @sysba <3)
3. Hot and Steamy or Soft and Tender?
Loll have you met these bitches? They’re all about hot and steamy, hot and steamy is l the goal (mayhaps they will be soft and tender sometimes but that’s a rare occurrence)
5. What is their love language?
They have words of affirmation and physical touch in common,, other than that valen likes to receive quality time and galael is all about gift giving ✌️
14. Are they an introverted couple or an extroverted one—AKA would they prefer to go out to a party or event together or would they rather stay in?
Definitely the extroverted couple lol they’re always going to parties, events, traveling etc (they’re hot and famous ofc they’re very popular and always in the news kskskdjfj) tho they strike me as the type that also likes to leave early/disappear and skip stuff sometimes does that make them ambivert? 🤔Idk
16. Who stays up way too late and who tries to drag them to bed?
Lmaoo Valen is a revenge procrastinator, time doesn’t exist to Galael, they both suck 😂💀 I don’t think either of them gives that much of a fuck they just let the other be, that’s gonna be their own problem to in the morning tho they’re totally not opposed to tiring each other out hehe ifykyk
22. Who gets more easily embarrassed?
I don’t think either of them really gets embarrassed that easily but out of the two I’d say Valen is more likely to
32. How do they resolve their arguments?
They fuck about it
38. What was their most memorable date?
I have no idea you’d have to ask them 😂 me personally I love their amusement park/ Disney land date cause it’s funny af
[otp asks]
#can’t believe I reblogged an ask post and then forgot to actually answer any of the asks fjskskfkf 💀#ma bad#ty for the ask vee 💗💗💗#(leave early/disappear = they went to smash)#sjdkdlfjf jk not Always tho I’m sure they have other things they do 😂💀#valen will not drag galael to bed but he will kick her out of it fjdkskdjd#rip valen he has hoarder tendencies and galael giving him gifts only makes it worse#also#I’m convinced them going to couples therapy will bring world peace and end world hunger#instead we get one psycho the other as nonchalant as they come and lots of make up/break up sex lmao 💀#galen#ask
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“you should get all your patches from local bands and live shows!” Honey, I’m poor and I live in arkansas, how am I supposed to do that?
#should I just get blue grass patches from the state fair or something?#what local bands are even making cool patches?#I don’t even know any local bands#and I haven’t really seen any advertised online that look like something I’d jam to#I’m picky!#not many of the current bands I listen to even make patches#and maybe I don’t want to go to live shows! maybe I’m shy! ever think of that!?#and I don’t want to drive an hour just to see some shitty band#I’m a poser. I just want to look cool. I have minimal interest in seeing some crust punk band play in a small hot room#I did my time already! I did the teenage hardcore scene! I paid my dues! now just let me do my own thing#just let me make my silly little jacket in peace#not that anyone is really bothering me… just kinda complaining about nothing#not a lot of electronic or goth bands playing in arkansas that also make patches… that I know of#who knows. maybe there are and I just haven’t heard about them 🤷🏻♂️#just always seems like I dunno metalcore or folk punk whatever bands. not that there’s anything wrong with that.#I dunno. I don’t know genres anymore.#it’s a lot of metal bands I can’t differentiate or college kids with acoustic guitars. lots of yelling from both.#which… cool. I can dig that. just not really what I listen to in my downtime#….. yup…. that’s… I dunno what else to put here#I love you#this isn’t important#you can ignore this#text
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only 6 more days for 12th grade to officially finish and my exams to be over. perhaps jaeyunverse comeback with a long fic ????? 😳
#first order of business will be to finish that damn jeno fic#then i will work on one of the valentine’s event fics who’s masterlist i posted Last Year 💀#i will prob make a poll for that bc idk which one to write 😭 i have 4k for the heeseung one but i’m STUCK#i have 4k for the halloween special fic i started in 2021 ummmmm maybe i’ll buckle down on it too#THE ALICE IN BORDERLAND AU???? i have the entire plot but it is going to be So Long i just know it.#i hope i can finish my current wips before any other long fic ideas come to me 😭#i have to finish the stupid headcanon series too what was i thinking when i started it#IM TERRIBLE AT HEADCANONS#fffff i only have a few weeks of peace after boards 😭 i have to start grinding for my other exam in june once april starts#i hope i can be more active on this account and actually get some writing done bc ngl i have sm plans for the small vacation i’m getting#but i wanna be delusional too 🫡#also i have so many unfinished projects here sometimes i feel like abandoning this account completely#and this place is lowkey dead in terms of activity ngl 💀 i will have try to revive it#but then i remember that i put effort into building this blog so seeing it go to waste would be sad#plus i Really do not want to repost my fics for a third time ppl will call me crazy
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#can i just rant for a second pls#about life#I hate to be the kind of person to do this I don’t want ppl to worry or just be nice to me I’m not doing this to get anything in return on#I’m just doing this bc I need to get it out somehow and feel like its at least been said#bc I have no one I can say it to#I just really don’t know how to hold myself together at the moment#I don’t know how to have the strength to push to do all these things I need to do and want to do while still holding together every other#single fucking person in my life and being the person that gets all their stress loaded onto while not knowing how to fix any of it#I wanna be that person I wanna be someone you can go to but when it’s everyone all at once and it’s all these people around me that can’t#seem to communicate and make bad situations worse and I get they don’t have the strength to keep themselves together and face things with at#least a bit of a better mindset but god I can’t do that for everyone#it feels like everyone is falling apart and I’m the person in everyone’s life that’s trying to hold them together#and I really care about these people but I can’t seem to find the space for it all#not when on top of everyone having things that are shifting their life for me then to have my own life shifting too#all I wanted was peace just some rest before it all started happening I just wanted the summer to be easy and it’s not#I wanted this summer to be normal to be that last summer of family and it feels like I can’t have that anymore and I hate it#I hate that I feel alone#and I hate feeling like I can’t fall apart or put myself first bc I’m always gonna need to and want to be there for everyone else#I hate that I can’t cope#I hate that I can’t seem to live#that I can never muster up the energy or strength to do the things I want bc it feels like every force in my life is just pushing me back#down and I hate saying this bc it’s so selfish and mean but I hate being here sometimes#I’m so afraid and nervous to leave but at the same time I think about being out of here and only having to hold myself up for once#and to not be surrounded by this atmosphere that feels impossible to be in#I just need things to stop but they won’t and I literally feel like I’m out in the middle of the ocean with absolutely no idea of what to do#to save myself and I feel like I need to actually do something about it instead of just moving on and forgetting about it bc what if I just#drown what the fuck then#and yet I feel the overwhelming need to say at the end don’t worry it ain’t that deep tho I’m sure I’ll be fine just gonna keep going#lol just gotta get back on being that person with their shit together right fake it till you make it and all that#anyway bye sorry for just dropping this idk when I’ll be back on tumblr thank you to everyone that sent nice messages before they meant alot
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Spn blogs in my recs and they WILL NOT LEAVE.
#they’re even on my main blog now#at least for me#and like yeah I get it blood and rot and family and whatever#I think I’m getting my period soon because it usually doesn’t annoy me like this but GOD#I don’t WANT these here.#but tbh I just don’t like the fandom. it’s all very clique-y and I am so so lonely#like genuinely I haven’t felt good about a single thing I posted for that in way too long#I like WRITING but posting?? in that fandom? it’s terrible. I hate it#& I’ve taken to writing out all my frustration and anger and grief in a separate doc to be deleted before posting the main work#which is fucking. just. it’s bad. I’ve never had to do that for ANY fandom I wrote for.#and I geeeeeet that it’s because it’s such a big fandom so people know each other and it’s not like my small communities where you#parallel play in peace. but I don’t like it. it’s deeply uncomfortable and isolating and I’m so sick of it#but I also like the writing I do so I try to just stay in my niche and not look at anyone else#I think I unfollowed every fandom blog save for two? three? so I could be alone instead of lonely#but it still washes over me whenever I post something.#oh an! sometimes I’m tempted to just do something super mass appealing so they’ll like me but that just makes me feel worse#I’ve been tempted to delete my blog so many times because I lost my friends from the old fandoms and this one is the poorest substitute#but I also feel like that won’t make me happier either. I wish I’d just never started engaging w that show tbh#okay done. just. I’m going through it
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come on
#Duuude my headaches aren’t even that bad they’re just at that level where I have to stop what I’m doing to prevent them from getting worse#like they never reach Unbearable bc I remove myself from the situation but that always makes me feel like I’m overreacting. I’ve made my#peace with not playing intense video games/reading comics bc those have messed up my head for as long as I can remember but recently it’s#been movie theaters? LIterally any fucking book? Looking at google maps so I know how to not get lost forever when I drive somewhere new? Is#nothing sacred? I haven’t been to a concert in a while but I’m assuming they’re going to be affected too and that fucking sucks. It’s sort#of happened before so part of me thinks it will go away again but the other part thinks it will get worse until I have an actual migraine#it’s a perpetual state of waiting WHATEVER fuck it we ball
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remember being 15. girl that shit suuuuuucked
#worst day of my life age 15 tenth grade thursday spirit week.#‘character day’…… that was invented just to torment me i think. we cannot get into it#i still have the stupid necklace charm i wore for that.#i was one ‘fact i didn’t have one’ away from wearing a fucking dog collar that day and i thank god every day that didn’t happen#and please do not ask me about it.#god i really was obsessed with that girl. sick and evil that we never even got to gay kiss about it#i just realized how utterly transparent the ‘redacted’ details of this post are. if you read it no you didn’t#you have nooooo idea to what i could be referring with any of this.#ok i’m gonna go eat a little lunch now. peace and love
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it’s been. a very rough afternoon
#fun to know that even while in the midst of my worst disassociative episode in the past year I can still cobble together a good meme#anyways um. about to tear down literally everything I ever derives joy from in my room and put into storage and never speak more than needed#to my dad. I am. so so tired. every time I think things are looking up and I can relax in my own home something has to happen#and then I need to slowly rebuild any safety I felt beforehand. I hate knowing my stuff was looked through and I dont know to what extent#anyways yeah. yearly deeply oversharing personal post over. gonna go hide literally half of my mortal possessions in a box somewhere#personal#no rblogging etc etc#edit: having another breakdown bear w me#I’ve scraped myself down to nothing for peace in my family I grovel and shut up and bear it fucking all and even then#they have the fucking audacity to ask me more? to put away the few reminders I have of people who love me things I enjoy#and the friendships Ive held onto like a dying man does to water?#they say they care about my mental health and how the devil affects everyone insidiously. I think they should take a long deep look#in the fucking mirror. open their eyes to how fucking close I was to just. giving up while I was suffocating under the veil of religion#and no before anyone asks I’m not gonna do anything stupid. I’m not one to live for spite but I trudge on hoping to get somewhere better.#just gonna have a short cry before bottling it up and dealing w it ten yrs down the road. not gonna go thru another ‘check in’ to lose more#oops forgot my little tag ->#ubb chirps
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the double standards in this fandom are insane.
so you’re allowed to make edits of and write about male racists, abusers, and child murderers, but when someone does the same thing with a non-male BULLY, who’s just as attractive and hasn’t done anything nearly as bad as them, it’s the end of the world? make it make sense.
#elodie’s over here getting death threats for her character#whereas jamie who played a child murderer isn’t getting any negativity at all#don’t get me wrong I love Jamie#so much#comfort actor fr#but this is ridiculous#death threats towards an actor are never justified#all angela did was bully el for two episodes#and y’all go wild on the insults and rudeness towards people who like to edit/draw her#but 001/henry/peter/vecna kills children and gets praised for being attractive??#and don’t even get me started on the abusive and racist peace of shit called billy hargrove#why is he still getting praised??#I hate this fandom#I love dacre as well but why is the fandom only attacking elodie?#I’m not saying you should attack these actors#they definitely don’t deserve it#attacking people is never the right answer#but why does elodie get treated differently?#does this make any sense#stranger things#stranger things 4#elodie grace orkin#jamie campbell bower#001#vecna#billy hargrove#dacre montgomery#stranger things incorrect quotes
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felt nostalgic, so take this pic that encompasses my entire school life lmao
#really long rambling bc i probably woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something this morning. you’ve been warned—#ngl i’ve never really had any friends since the start of my pathetic life?#and like even if i did get friends，they’d ditch me the first chance they get lmaooooo#i could befriend 2 people independently of each other，only for the two of them to ✨somehow✨ become besties and ditch me… or something#tbh though i’m 10000% okay with being friendless and left alone. i’m more productive when i’m alone!!!#it just gets really annoying when teachers go ‘lol pair up with someone your size (for sports)’ or ‘form your own groups for a project’#bc more often than not，i was the only one who was completely left out of a group lmao#like even the dude ‘leftovers’ would already start moving to group up with each other. it’s just me who’s left out#and the teacher would absolutely refuse to let me do the project by myself >:( and i’d get forced into the leftovers group anyway lol#and it’s not just teachers!! the senior student group leaders during orientation weeks refuse to let me be alone too!! >:((((#i’d just be vibing by myself and the group leaders would sidle up to me and talk to me. like?? why?? there are other loners over there too??#they’d allow the dude loners to remain in peaceful solitude but not me?? it’s not fair!! >:(((#ughhh that reminds me that there was also this guy classmate who refused to leave me alone for some reason#by ‘some reason’ i mean ‘i think he liked me but i can’t be sure bc he was really weird about it???’#like i literally ignored him for over a month and he still tried to get my attention for some reason.#and after that，i’d resorted to telling him ‘dude go away’ and he’d leave for like 1 min，only to return almost immediately ಠ‿ಠ#fun fact: the silent treatment technique never ever works. tried，tested， and failed#but anyway yeah. the pic with arisa was literally me in phys ed class lol#being the only friendless 🐓-less loser in a class with 30 dudes and 11 girls (in total) was fun!#the other girls would pair up with each other and i’d just rot in the corner and write bad fanfics in my mind lol#the only times when i could get a pair were when a single girl was absent for the day lmao#the fact that there were 11 girls made forming groups of 5 for ball games really annoying too.#the other 10 like-biologically gendered people would just split up into 5/5 groups and the leftover’d be me#not that i actually wanted to play or anything. i’d just go ‘i’ll observe as a reserve player from the side!!!’ and it’d work lol#but anyways… yeah. i personally don’t find friendships that necessary to succeed in life? casual acquaintances are good enough for me ig#maybe it was a sign when my friends from my former friend group were making jokes about how i was friendless lmao#i wish i could just completely isolate myself for an entire day… wait no make that an entire week#no texting，no social interactions，✨no worries✨. just me，my cup noodles，and my ✨productivity✨!!!!!!#well! i’m sorry if you actually read all of that… i just needed to get it all off my chest before i erupted like a shaken bottle of soda lol#inedible blubbering
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