#I’m not tagging everything lol too much
Note
Can you do things hyunjin does as your bf🙏
Cute things Hyunjin does as your bf
Pairing: Hyunjin x reader
Tags: fluff, like that’s all there is
Warnings: none
Author’s note: sorry that my requests are being posted a little slower now but I’m currently trying to write multiple different requests, a multi chapter story, and complete a couple of art commissions so my creativity is stretched a little thin rn. But I’m gonna try to start getting them out faster in the future! Hope you enjoy!
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
If you’re shorter then him then expect lots of head pats and hair ruffles
Which are usually accompanied by him calling you cute
Likes to hug you from behind and rest his chin on your shoulder or head
If you’re also an artist like him (which I am) he’ll set you up a second little art station in the room with his so you can do it together
Ik y’all are probably expecting me to put sometime about liking you to sit on his lap while he paints or something but if he’s anything like me I absolutely hate when people watch me work lol it makes me nervous
Buys you matching couples rings
He loves play with your hair. Like he’ll just constantly be running his hands though it.
As he’s stated before he’s not a big spender and really thinks before he buys so when he does buy you gifts you better believe they are super meaningful and thought out
Just makes you feel way funnier than you are. Like he literally laughs at everything you say
Pulls his phone out to snap candid pictures of you any time he thinks you look exceptionally beautiful. Got a whole album atp. Most of them are of you laughing or smiling at something. He’s absolutely obsessed with your genuine, natural smile.
Loves to just lay on top of you and wrap his long limbs around you like an octopus while nuzzling his head into your shoulder. Like if he comes in tired from a long day and sees you laid on the couch he’ll just flop himself over top of you without a word.
He’ll do it playfully too. Like if you’re trying to leave he’ll just lay his whole body weight on you so you can’t get up. “Nope. You can’t go” He of course lets you go if you really want him to get off, but I mean who would want him to get off of them👀
As an artist who has been known to make portraits, he analyzes the details of someone’s features more than most meaning when he compliments you it’s not always just “you’re pretty” or “you look beautiful” instead it’s: “The speckle of colors in your eyes are gorgeous.” “The way your hair glows in the sun makes you look like an angel” etc.
Like he literally just lifts you and your confidence up so much whether it’s from compliments about your appearance or praising you on certain skills or things you do well. Low self esteem does not exist when you’re around hyunjin
Without really meaning to, he makes you the focal point of his art more and more. Even when it’s not directly an image of you he’s creating an abstract piece that represents what you make him feel. Love. He just paints what comes to mind and more often then not that’s you these days
#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin#hwang hyunjin#hyunjin x you#hyunjin x y/n#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#stray kids headcanons#hyunjin headcanons#stray kids#skz#fluff#fluffy#reader insert#fanfic#headcanon#bf headcanons#kpop
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btw I don’t know if this is a thing anyone is thinking about but I’m not gonna stop drawing Jimmy as a canary. It’s a lovely bird. It’s still something that’s been really important to his series. There’s no reason to drop the canary headcanon just cuz Lizzie fell into the void.
#warning: don’t open up these tags I went on a very heated and rather unrelated rant cuz I’ve been mad#trafficblr#life series#secret life spoilers#secret life smp#jimmy solidarity#also I’m sick of seeing ppl celebrate Jimmy surviving because they hate the canary curse fans like SHUT UP!!! LET US HAVE FUN GOD!!!#LIKE LITERALLY EVEN IF NOBODY CAME UP WITH THE CANARY METAPHOR WE WOULD STILL BE TALKING ABOUT HOW HES ALWAYS DYING OK WE DIDNT MAKE UP THAT#HE DIES FIRST HE JUST DOES. GOD. so what if some people make shakespeare sounding posts about the curse that I don’t understand. we are JUST#having fun and making connections where we don’t need to BECAUSE ITS FUN. NOT CUZ WE DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. sorry for the past few#days I’ve been genuinely mad at this fandom’s growing hatred towards its own community.#LIKE IM FINE IF ITS NOT YOUR THING BUT GOD. WE ARENT EVEN DOING ANYTHING 😭😭😭 THE LORE LITERALLY WRITES ITSELF OR IS WRITTEN BY MARTYN LOL#I’ve just been getting SO TILTED man. like ohhh yeah okay ur right i said too much guess I won’t say anything anymore#does anyone else genuinely not know wtf ppl are talking about when they say a certain hc takes over everything about the character#cuz I literally see so much varied Jimmy content yet I’ve seen several ppl complain that ppl ignore aspects of his character in favor of#WHATEVER when I literally don’t see that happening to him. step out of ur circle or something I don’t even HAVE a circle man
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intro post thing 🌸
hi! You can call me Bookworm (or anything, really)! I use she/her pronouns, and-
FREE PALESTINE 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸
I like books and other stuff, my main fandoms at the moment are kotlc, enola holmes (I’m the enola holmes mysteries’ biggest fan and I will FIGHT for this position), and epic the musical, though I dabble in the riordanverse (bit of a love/hate relationship there haha), narnia, gravity falls, wings of fire, the hunger games, stranger things, and ✨the classics✨ (especially jane austen - I’ve read pride & prejudice, emma, and northanger abbey). I’ve also been seeing a lot of my little pony: friendship is magic on my dash lately so it can be an honorary member (so can disney’s descendants, as a matter of fact. especially the rise of red)
#1 biggest solinh fan (I will also fight for this although not a ferociously. I doubt this ship has very many other fans though lol (then again enola holmes probably doesn’t have many other fans either lol))
Just a side note: the fandoms listed above are my main interests rn, but there’s still a good amount of randomness around here. You’ve been warned
my tags
MOST IMPORTANTLY, pfp is Linh Song from Keeper of the Lost Cities by the amazing, the incredible, @wow-youre-so-pretty 🎉🎉🎉🎉
sexism, racism, homophobia, or anything of the sort/anything else icky will not be tolerated. otherwise, have a nice day!
#Bookworm’s pinned post#look! I kept everything lowercase for the aesthetic!#(That’s really hard for me I’m a grammar nerd)#(Except for the “ANYWAYS!” lol (bc it was for dramatic effect))#oh and the “FREE PALESTINE” (bc it’s important)#and the “just a side note”#a girl can only do so much 😔#also the “most importantly” (I’m just gonna keep on updating this post so I should probably stop updating the tags too lol)#whatever#the point is I DID IT (kept almost everything lower case for the aesthetic (in case you forgot while reading my ramblings lol))
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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starting the year ✨wrong✨
#(this is about work ok. long rant in the tags bc auauauauauauauuauauauauauauauaaaaaaaa)#i’ve worked for just t h r e e (3!!!!) days this year and i think im already all burned out lmao#first i was stuck doing 2 workstations bc this freakin’ b o z o of a coworker decided to take the week off without prior notice#and *t h e n* the internal components of one of said workstations kicked the bucket and was only replaced today. sads.#rip to our wasted time and futile fixing efforts though. flashtag wetried#that’s not all t h o u g h i was told that i have to jump to the other work shift bc one of my coworkers is resigning#b u t the thing is. all of the other dudes in that shift are from [insert bordering country] and always speak in their nation’s language#so i won’t be able to communicate well with them for the most part esp s o bs#and if [insert country here] has a national holiday and a l l of them decide to take the day off..#well. um. ahahahaha. im ✨screwed✨#(but speaking of taking the day off… one of said guys on that shift has an approved leave for cny. which is funny bc he’s not even chinese)#(rips if the actual other chinese dude on that team has his leave request rejected bc of that guy lol. happy cny to him ig)#a n d also i was made to (sorta) teach these two new coworkers (of sorts) the workstation i’m at for the week#b u t the thing is. i do everything here by left (didn’t receive formal training either lmao sadge)#and i also couldn’t explain anything well in general bc it seems like my flow of thoughts can’t streamline itself ig#so i think i confused the poor guys more than anything. but like. why me??????? aaaauauaaaaaaaaaa#idk why one of them came back for more ‘education’ from me thoughhhhh#i’ve tried teaching ‘em stuff at another workstation before this and my feedback was ‘wait slow down you talk too fast’ s o o o o .#ig i’ll have to guide them though again in the morning though. sighs. this wasnt in my job description :(#speaking of job descriptions though… this h e l l a annoying guy no one likes who resigned a few months ago (to much rejoicing)…#is!!!!! coming!!!! back!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#w h y. like. w h y. why is he so attached to this company he l l o? why is our manager so attached to him helloooooooo????? why him???????#our workloads literally t r i p l e when he’s around bc he’s just the way he is. auauauauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaa#aaaaaaaaaaa i dont wanna work aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#science industry (derogatory) questionable laboratory conditions (derogatory)#felt cute; thought about retiring early idk
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.
#okay i’m gonna try to keep this short and sweet. 30 tag maximum you are my nemesis lol#my main issue here is not necessarily that the karaoke and other bach party scenes have likely been cut#it’s more that they’re clearly buddie baiting for engagement#journalists were watching the episode as early as saturday. which means the ep was ready by at least this time last week#so they knew that the scenes had been cut. and they chose to continue including it in promotion and interviews#i KNOW that logically the reason they chose those scenes to cut was because they’re less important. and we’d already seen them#they technically already gave us the clips in the promo videos. right? so bye bye#but that’s bullshit. sorry#they used buddie best friendism content as a way to promote the ep and increase hype#and then they just pull it out from under us the day before it airs#this is a madney episode. madney are getting married. buddie having fun is not the most important thing here. i get it#so why did they not promote something else? you’re telling me there was NOTHING ELSE they could’ve used?#nothing else from the episode that was free of big spoilers? at all???#it’s madney’s episode but they chose to promote one clip of buddie talking to maddie. one of chim crawling. and the bach party stuff#they must know that people would focus on the bach party. buddie is beloved buck and eddie are beloved#what were they expecting??#they used buddie as a pairing as bait. not queer bait and not even ship bait i suppose as there was nothing ‘shippy’ shown#but they baited buddie content. that’s literally what’s happened#i would be more understanding if this wasn’t a regular occurrence. it’s normal sure. shows do this all the time with fan faves#but also it is a false reflection of the episode. even journalists are saying the episode is not what they expected from the promo#it honestly feels like they’ve made fools of us. maybe the episode will air and it’ll be better than expected#but i don’t have much hope not much hope for buddie. not much hope for madney getting what they deserve. ZERO hope for eddie’s 7b storyline#frankly i’m expecting b/t to be the main chat after this ep. which is……. anyway#i’m not really liking s7 so far and i feel gaslit when people say it’s great lol#IN MY OPINION it is choppy and too fast and a little ooc and doesn’t make a lot of sense#they didn’t even green light bi!buck until episode. what. 2/3??#so presumably had to change everything from then on#i know that’s partly down to limited episode numbers but… 3 eps for the cruise (unnecessary) but 1 for madney wedding? ok#sigh. if anyone’s read this far pls don’t come for me ok. these are just my opinions#we’re all entitled to them. i’m sad for madney and i’m sad for buddie best friendism and i’m sad for s7 as a whole right now
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Best 4 hours of my life, with the loml ♡
#googie 🐰#i know i always say this but i can never really explain the way i feel about him </3 it’s so hard to put into words#i feel so complete now god i love him so much 🥺!! even that is an understatement 😔#i think it was like? 10:30 pm when i saw the weverse notif... and now it’s past 3 am jdghbcbn#i felt so many emotions throughout everything (the wv live; the ig live; and then wv live again) but god.#i’m just way too happy that i got to see him again 🥺; i missed him a lot!#crazy how just yesterday afternoon i teared up watching a reel on ig about missing him </3 and then 6 hours later!!! he shows up 💖#lol and i had so many mini breakdowns bc of him 😭 he’s a flirt FLIRT huh 😔✋🏼! WHAT ABOUT MY WEAK LITTLE HEART SIR???#i really have no defence when it comes to jk </33... sigh. but he sang sooooo many songs 🥰🥰#including txt! svt! nwjns! i’m one happy bitch 🤩☝🏼#what a great day to be alive honestly! just hope that he gets some rest bc goddamn it’s nearly 7 am at sk now 💀#oh and!!!! WE GOT TO SEE BAM MY BABY AFTER SO LONG IM SQUEALING THEY ARE SO CUTE OMG#HOW DID I ALMOST FORGET TO MENTION THAT LIKE WHAT#it was such a bonus to see tae too 🤭#!!! i’m just really happy#i’ll add more tags later... i just want to fall asleep now bc my eyes literally can’t anymore lol#anyway... ik i’m being very delulu here but like. sorry if it bothers you; i’m like this. 🤡#will always be jeon jungkook’s bitch <3#bye bye ~ my eyes hurt 🙁#see you guys tomorrow and i love jungkook 😆... and y’all too <3
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filing these under “lines that make xarrai feel extremely normal” as well.
#this whole conversation is a lot for them. LMAO.#i have actually fully rewritten this one as a dialogue study too bc it’s like. a very important moment for them but#idk man. i wish u could argue with him more in game LOL#this convo makes me and xarrai both batshit insane tho LOL#the inbuilt banite ambition they run from but cannot shake (let him take this power and then take it from him)#vs the love for him they refuse to admit is love (this will ruin him)#they don’t WANT this power and they don’t want him to have it but they can’t shake the part of them that plots out how to get it.#but they have to be better than what made them or none of it was worth it etc etc etc i am rambling. anyway. bye#oc. xarrai#r. hold me like a knife#(for durge!xar they r much more like ‘idk if this is a good idea but i will maybe help u??’)#(canon!xar is (after they get over their knee jerk reaction of Oooh I Want It) is very directly to his face like ‘this is an awful idea.’)#realized these tags r not even about the lines in the screenshots. lol.#the whole ‘what cazador did was only wrong because it happened to *me*’ cuts them like a fucking knife tho LOL#it’s such a flagrant rejection of everything xarrai has said to him by this point. and he doesn’t even recognize it as one LOL#but xar hears that as ‘every bit of genuine emotion you’ve shown me and the trust u put in me with ur past meant nothing :) sowwie’#‘it was only bad bc it happened to me and that means it’s not bad when ppl like cazador do things to ppl like u either :)’#and they Know that’s not what he means. but instead of communicating like an adult they just seethe abt it LOL#okay sorry now i’m done.#lord only knows why i exclusively drop lore in the tags.
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Hi! Thank you so much for posting the new chapter :) I can’t even put into words how much I love your work. It feels crazy because I have been following liab for over a year now and I think I’ve never been this consistent with anything in my life :D i don’t know if it’s a secret but do you have the next chapters already planned out? And do you know how many chapters this part is going to be? Thank you for you hard work!!
Hiii aww I’m so glad you liked the new chapter! & yeah wow I’ve been writing this fic for like 2 years I think, shiiiit what is time ahhh. Thanks for sticking with me so long <3
I actually have pretty much all the chapter planned out until the battle begins but my problem is I do them by events so it’s like I want this this and this to happen in a chapter but idk how long it’ll take to make that happen but I know what I want to write lol.
(& sometimes the characters don’t LISTEN & I say be nice and make this an easy talk and they’re like no fuck you author I wanna fight right now and the convo takes 1.5k instead of idk 500 words lol. )
I just posted chapter 15 & I’m going to GUESS we are about halfway done. In my mind we are halfway through the last book and that means we have roughly 15 chapter left to go then the epilogue.
I’m pretty good at estimating chapter count but horrible at word count estimation haha.
Thanks for the ask I hope you have an awesome day!!
#hellloooo anon#I have to give a tag shout out to my buddy bestie lifesaver friend who helps me organize my thoughts#seriously she helps me so much#so hiii thank you friend <3#anywayyyy the healing arc in BSS is my fun time to idk smush characters together and make them talk#so I plan to have a little fun#honestly I think 5 more chapters of chill BSS gearing up for battle and growing and preparing and chilling and then 10 chapters of#everything that happens with ALLLLL that haha#I’m tense just thinking about it lol#but I love writing battles and chaos and tension so Woho bring it on#but also I’ve been looking forward to the fun drama of just the boys being a mess and everyone trying to piece together their puzzles#too bad sokkas eating the pieces hehehe#(I mean we all know zuko isn’t eating them stubborn guy)#I hope I answered your question#yall can always ask me stuff I love asks#I won’t spoil anything I’m good at avoiding the spoilers haha#alright thanks anon#wow I can’t believe liab will be done this year#what will I do next???!!!#*peeks at poll I have in my drafts with new fic ideas*#I guess we’ll see!#thanks for the ask anon#YOURE AWESOME#liab#ITF#ask
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happy new years to the person who stalked and bullied me with their 1,000 plus twitter followers while I had like 30 lol
Stillll was the best thing that ever happened to meeee NOT JOKING
THANKS FOR HELPING ME BECOME MY TRUE SELF ALMOST THREE YEARS BABY OF BEING TRUE ME
AND HAPPY NEW YEARS FOR EVERYONE ELSE LOOK AT THE PRECIOUS BABEY PRINCESS 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I AHHHHHHHH
#personal#AND THIS WAS MY OG ACCOUNTS#Where I had more followers in the span of a few months vs now where it’s been years#it really proves the numbers aren’t everything#I’m so much happier here as I am now#And it’s so funny it’s thanks to some hater lol who’s account that I know of doesn’t exist anymore#though for all I know they’re dedicated to their cause and was one of the guest anon haters on ao3 till I turned them off#At this point I've spent more time as Qutie than Q by a long shot#I'll always be grateful for her getting me started but I love who I am now#I wouldn't be confident happy me without that asshole it's so funny how they tried to get rid of me but oopsie poopsie#They just made me stronger#It genuinely brings me so much joy to do what I love so much#CUTE KI IN DRESSES GONKI#AHHHHHH#And not have that anxiety loooming over me of wanting to fit in but not fitting in cuz I don't like kg I don't like main fandom#and praying my tag blocker saves me and I will keep silent on some things I like and believe in and#yeah I should apologize in my authors tag for writing too much of my niche of G carrying Ki and yeah#I'm so scared of antis and oh no ect ect I look back at her like whooo#Like whooo are uuu all that anxiety? Now my only anxiety is hate comments and that’s cuz of RSD BUT I WILL NEVER STOP WHAT I LOVE#I'll always be grateful for her but it's funny how in three years I went from no confidence me to someone who I AM MY NUMBER ONE FAN#DAMM I LOVE MYSELF not that that happened overnight but! Was a slow crawl but at the least! FULLY Since 2022 esp end of year! I LOVE ME DAM#And this no confidence thing it goes much further back then my blog too so anon changed my life#It's funny how just one person made me course correct and now I'm the person I am today and I love me I don't know how much time I have lef#But I'll spend it doing the things I love I still get depressed and sad from time to time and think everyone hates me but it's like RSD and#Depression it can't always be perfect but I'm so happy and confident most the time I just love what I do#Anon hate is never right I hate shit with my whole being and I've never once thought hmm let me send hate it doesn't make sense to me#And I still get harrasssed by these antis and some bad apple kg people and they don't offer me shit but a headache so I don’t want moreeee#But it's kinda funny how grateful I am towards this hater literally changed my life thank u if your out there man my lady non binary pal#So yeah I unironically sit back and thank them sometimes#IM SO HAPPY I GET TO DO WHAT I LOVE AND LOVE MY KI AND MY GONKI AND AHHHHHHHH
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overwhelming urge to just grab his face between my hands to stare at him for a while and trace over his features with my thumbs and kiss him until he’s smiling and laughing and
#banging my head on the table AAAAGH#hee’s so pretty i’m never going to get over it :(#literally my first impressions on him being that one fact… rgrhrgr he makes me insane#i’m never gonna be normal over him. i can try soooo hard but i can’t and it’s painfully obvious#still thinking about my recent BC reread. deeeefinitely thinking about changing his tag to warmshipping because it’s genuinely sticking#being that light in the darkness for him or whatever… agsjfhf collapses on the floor#sometimes i drive myself insane >_>#i’ve been having like the worst time Ever falling asleep recently#cannot for the life of me settle down until after midnight on school nights (probably because i’m passing out for three hours after school)#so my daydreams and spacing out recently have just been me thinking about marik and maybe him being. fretful over me. as a treat. :3#NOT LIKE OVERLY FRETFUL but sorta the thing melv does with me where he does or makes things more often for me#except he’s like five times more obvious about it than melv is lol#was in the middle of making tea earlier and i thought about him being the one making it for me instead#i can imagine him trying to remember how i make it and being just a liiittle bit off#but of course i’d never tell him that because the gesture is sweet and the fact he even tried at all is Everything#just. silly things like that have been infesting my mind recently#him doing things he doesn’t usually do just to try and cheer me up#i like thinking of him being and doing sweet stuff like that (even if he can’t do some of the stuff perfectly)#siiighs just. i love my boyfriend <3 i think of him too much agshgghdjf#warmshipping
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Some days it feels like I am just desperately trying to find reasons to live so I don’t jump off a bridge and it’s hardly even working
Edit: I have spent some very necessary kitten cuddle time and received some very sweet messages from people and I am feeling more sane, definitely recommend nice people and cats lol
#listen i don’t want to be complaining all the time but this is my blog and this is where I vent so maybe just ignore this#literally searching on Pinterest and google reasons to stay alive reasons not to kill yourself etc and all they want to give me is the#crisis line number lol#i really feel like ive surpassed my limit for things I’m able to take today#and it hurts really really bad like it’s just too much#i had my annual eval with my boss a little while ago and she hates me so much she doesn’t even try to hide it#and she just disrespects me and tears me down at every turn no matter how hard I try#and im still stuck in this job by contract until January first and this job makes me want to fucking die#like you Can literally spend your days taking pictures of bloody murder scenes and talking with witnesses and victims and such and she’ll#still say you aren’t doing enough or dedicated enough to this job#and i really went in there with the notion that I was just going to roll over and take whatever she threw at me because it’s not worth it#she turns everything into a fight and all of a sudden she’s going REALLY? you REALLY think you do (this function of your job that you#definitely do multiple times a week despite her skepticism like it’s literally in my memos there’s evidence#and something that I haven’t had the heart to talk about has kind of come to fruition today#about a month ago I was cleaning out my car in preparation for my inspection and I pulled out a box from the mouse infested storage unit a#few months ago that I was just going to throw out because that stuff disgusted me too much to look at#and we had thought we had checked everything and cleaned it all before bringing it in my car or house and I pulled it out and it had#burrow holes in it from#a mouse i literally stopped typing that tag because I heard one and I took the box out and over the last few weeks I thought I heard a c#creature scurrying but I was like I’m probably just paranoid this was from months ago it’s probably gone#and today on my lunch break I started to clean my car and low and behold I found it’s little nest home thing with all kinds of makeshift#bedding and I put down poison so hopefully it will eat the poison and leave my car to get water cause they’re supposed to seek out water#and it’s like honestly I’m not sure how much more I can take right now like I’m really trying to be positive and focus on the good and all#and i just kind of wish that I could decide to die and it would happen painlessly and I’d just be gone#it would be so much easier for everyone I think if I was gone
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not to make this a public diary but every time i hang out with crush and he reveals another observation about me i feel insane. today he mentioned that i’m very perceptive and good at reading others, and also very empathetic, both things he’s mentioned before, even when we had only been friends for a month. today he was struggling to figure out how to tell me this, but that he thinks i’m fun and funny, and the way he said it seemed like he was surprised by it. but it’s interesting because people get to know me in the opposite direction: fun/funny -> perceptive -> empathetic. idk i just think it’s funny that
#i should make a tag for him but idk what#also my friend took a bunch of pics on her disposable camera and he said that the one of ours is his fav#i know this sounds very romantic but it’s not at all coming from him. unfortunately#also today he said it’s important that the person he’s with can speak or learn his language#and then later when turkish came up he asked how much i knew and then said that we should learn it together 🙆♀️#because his language and turkish are very similar. anyways i feel crazy every time i interact with him#he looked so sexy driving today lol#and then when he rolled his sleeves up at the hookah lounge and poured everyone tea…god his manners make him so hot too#and when we sat together. i love sitting next to him and i love when our hand brush when we’re doing the most mundane things together#it means nothing to him and everything to me and i feel everything and i have to live with that#anyways i’m done this is so humiliating#maybe i’ll share the pic of us together i love it so much#i want him to like me so bad#and think about me when i’m not there#and miss me#sgb
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we went to a nearby plant nursery on my last day off and got just about everything we want to grow this season!! i’m most excited about the strawberries but we also got parsley and two bell pepper plants, one of which grows purple peppers?? i’ve never seen them before! i’m so excited for the first ones to come in :D
adrian is interested in growing flowers so he picked a really lovely bellflower plant and a small pot of alyssums. his mom grows flowers a lot so he’s got some basic experience already, though desert gardening plays by different rules than the midwest. it’s nice to see him all energized to help out, i think it’ll be good for both of us to get some sun and fresh air over the next few months :> if this batch goes well i want to get more vegetables to plant during our fall season!!
#i’m very much a beginner gardener and being disabled means i need a lot of help <:3#but it brings me a lot of joy to be outside and caring for things#it makes mama happy too i think and she won’t be the only one around to help this year which is good!!#i hope addy is ready to do a lot of heavy lifting with the soil when we repot everything LOL#i’ll try to post pics and updates every so often over this season :> mostly for myself but maybe someone out there will like to see it too#moonspeak#luna’s garden adventures#<- new tag for this stuff
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little brothers and their will to #slay, man </3
#while yes yes this post technically does apply to the simp bros i wanna cry about my own bro in the tags so you have been warned~?#so to start off my monthly existential crisis rant i just wanna say that… i’m so so soo envious of my bro. like to a really unhealthy extent#he’s tall enough to reach the top shelves. i can barely touch them if i jump. he has so many friends and even a gf. i have 0 irl friends.#he is able to sit in one spot and focus on his studies. i can’t even sit down for a full half hour to *eat* without getting up to take a nap#he’s learning how to drive. i can’t. he was admitted into university. i wasn’t. he’s able to find what he likes and stick to it. i can’t.#like mannn. he thrived in the course he chose in tertiary education while i lost my passion for it in the middle of my first year.#he’s good at picking up everything he tries (puzzle cubes; bball; you name it he’s good at it) while i’m just. bad at everything i try lol#he’s very good at his studies (aside from languages) and sports. i’m not good at anything at all.#he gets told that he has a great sense of humour. i’m just. boring and annoying. lolllll#he’s super sociable and he has good relations with pretty much every single family member (sans me). i’m not in contsct with most of the fam#heck he was pretty much the favourite from the moment he was born. his baby pics still get brought up from time to time bc of how cute he is#(granted it’s bc he looks like a bby m*ch*l*n man (like the tire company mascot) and he’s super cute in them but still)#and he’s also a guy and content with being a guy which is just… not fair y’knowwww~~~ asian family boy biases and all (cries)#our father pretty much cast me aside once my bro was old enough to hang with him. and even before then the bias was as clear as day. >:(((((#i make the dude mad? i get screamed at and whaccced. bro gets the dude mad? he gets a lesson on how to throw punches instead!!! like wow!!!!#he’s the only one who got to escape any direct physical harm from the guy and yet!!!! he was the 1st one to be singled out for trauma focus#idk if it’s bc of his age back then or whattttt but i can’t believe i had to friggin’ ask my therapist back then for a trauma assessment :(#2015 was a different time… my bro managed to succeed in school while i was rejected from the drama club for being too depressed :((((#but i’m sure my bro has his own share of struggles… and i’m glad that he has a few groups of friends to chill with. really.#but i just can’t help feeling extremely envious of him. i could never tell him any of this though we hardly talk at home lol#and he pretends not to know me when i approach him in public lmfaoooo. i don’t blame him though; i’d do the same if i were to approach me#so yeah. if you read this i’m sorry for being cringefail and bad at everything~~ am i still allowed to pollute your dash~? <3#and also. idk if i’ll be able to continue sischange over this week bc i’ll be handling 2 workstations by meself :( and idk how tired i’ll be#but we’ll see ok~? sorry for having zero time management skills am i still qualified to be a legit adult~?#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂
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guys do you want to know something absolutely insane. i was thinking about a catholic related world news event that happened a while ago and thought to myself man, i can only imagine how crazy it must’ve been for the kids going to my old catholic school the day after that happened. so i googled when it happened to see if my best friends little brother was there when it happened and um. I was there when it happened???? lololol i’ve been thinking about it for 20 mins and i think that now i maybe do remember the teeniest tiniest bit going to school after it happened…. anyways as if i needed any more evidence that my time in catholic high school was deeply deeply traumatic to me, it turns out my brain did the trauma response thing of completely erasing my memory of those last two years lol
#TW FOR THESE TAGS. I MENTION SOME SHIT SO STEER CLEAR <3#this is so funny but also kind of sad. it makes me angry that i’m forgetting everything to an extent?#like those events held/hold so much fucking power over me and i can’t even remember what they were lol#my body has a physical reaction to random shit sometimes and i’m like. hmm. i wonder if this just reminded my body of something that happene#d back in high school that was traumatic enough to make me break down right now but also i have no memory of lol#i feel like knowing is a type of power. knowing and being able to identify things make me feel like i have some degree of power over them#here i have no power over the trauma response in even that most basic way of being able to say ‘this was traumatic’ because i don’t know wha#t ‘this’ is lol. ‘this’ is catholic high school when they were shit to me but do i have any concrete evidence or examples to justify that?#no lol. i struggle to point to a single specific moment#it’s so fucking crazy lol#i feel weird about it#you know i’m having deja vu bc i went through this exact same emotional journey regarding my lack of memories of the csa; that’s like 90% of#the stillness of remembering fic lol; but it feels different with this 🤔#maybe bc my first instinct is to invalidate that something as mundane as high school could be so traumatic? although no that’s not the diffe#rence bc i did that to myself with the abuse too 🤔 hmm.#ahhhhh okay i need to finish eating my butter chicken 😋
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