#also today he said it’s important that the person he’s with can speak or learn his language

[dreaminterlude]

not to make this a public diary but every time i hang out with crush and he reveals another observation about me i feel insane. today he mentioned that i’m very perceptive and good at reading others, and also very empathetic, both things he’s mentioned before, even when we had only been friends for a month. today he was struggling to figure out how to tell me this, but that he thinks i’m fun and funny, and the way he said it seemed like he was surprised by it. but it’s interesting because people get to know me in the opposite direction: fun/funny -> perceptive -> empathetic. idk i just think it’s funny that

[writingquestionsanswered]

How do you write boys dialogue? it’s really hard when I write it it comes out like girls usually talk but when I write it to sound like a boy it comes out cringy and weird

Boy Dialogue vs Girl Dialogue

It's important to note that, generally-speaking, how a person speaks is not dictated by their sexual organs or gender identification.

There can be differences in when and how language develops, but these differences are general. Individuals vary.

Historically-speaking, and still today to a lesser degree, socialization into gender roles and cultural norms have also played a role in how people speak. But again, this is a general difference because individuals vary.

Can you tell whether the following sentences were said by boys, girls, or nonbinary people?

-- I'm in biology and recently we dissected a frog, which was really cool because everyone got to participate, and when my partner, Rachel, cut into it, it like splattered all over her, and I was just like whoa! -- Me and my brother collect corks, like, bottle cap corks, and um, we have a couple hundred in our rooms upstairs. -- My relationship with my parents I think, relatively, is pretty good. Obviously, being a teenager, there are moments when I don't really feel like talking to them. -- When something's on my mind, I usually go to my friends about it, I don't really talk to my brother. -- I don't know if they'd like to hear it, but [my friends] are definitely the burnout/stoner kids. But they're great people! -- I'm pretty nerdy. I do computer science.

Those are all real sentences spoken candidly by teens of different genders, but you can't really tell who said what, right?

So, when writing characters, it's infinitely more important that you make your character sound authentic to who they are. If you are writing about a 17-year-old girl in 1950, then of course there will probably be some differences in the way she speaks compared to her brother, because at that time gender roles were much stricter, and there was a lot of pressure on young women to be "prim and proper."

However, if you were writing a 17-year-old boy in 1950, he would speak quite differently from a 17-year-old boy in 2024. Not only because societal expectations and cultural norms were different then compared to now, but also because things like slang, pop culture, popular phrases and idioms, etc. are different now compared to then.

So, instead of worrying about your character's gender and how that influences how they speak, focus instead on who they are. What is their personality like? What is their education like? What types of people and things might influence how they speak? How does their society and family expect them to speak? What are their hobbies and skills? As long as what they say makes sense with what you've laid out for this character, you're writing authentic speech.

Here are some other posts that will help:

Writing Natural Dialogue Giving Your Characters a Unique Voice Recognizing a Flat Character

Also, I think it's very helpful to make sure you really know your character, so here's a post for that. Also, I find it helpful to cast my characters with real actors/models, because it helps me imagine them more clearly, which helps their dialogue come across more naturally in my head: 5 Tips for Getting Attached to Your Characters Guide: Casting Your Characters

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[moralisist]

e-42! miles x fem coded! reader

genre: fluff !

summary: boyfriend hcs for earth 42 miles

when he first met you, he was infatuated with u right away

he was asking his homeboys if they knew of you and asking to get your instagram

was very bold when he found u thru instagram, he liked all ur highlights/posts and then texted you saying “hey beautiful, i’m tryna get to know you, that cool?”

ever since then y’all been locked in

speaking of instagram, he does NOT post like AT ALL his entire instagram has no profile pics, no posts and only one highlight and it’s of the both of you

he has a shit ton of followers despite that but he only follows rappers he likes, his homeboys, you, and that’s about it he’s rlly a lowkey person

the typa pictures he posts of y’all are so cute they’re like this and this

very lowkey w it

#1 hypeman, anytime you guys go anywhere he will always compliment you on your looks and remind you how beautiful you look the whole time

“baby you look so goooooddd. m’so lucky to have you” miles says while grabbing you by the waist w one arm and giving you a lingering kiss on the cheek

feels the need to protect you on a constant, so hand is constantly around your waist when walking to busy places or you have to be holding his hand

you argue that he’s not really tryna keep you safe, he just wants an excuse to touch you 😭

so important that you get along with his mom, she and uncle aaron are all he has left family wise and she matters the most to him

with prowler buisness, whether you know or not he’ll never ever get you involved or tell you things that you do not need to know

dates are hard to get with him and it causes arguments sometimes because all you wanna do is see him but he’s always occupied with prowler stuff unbeknownst to you so you just assume he’s being flaky just because

with arguments, he tries his best to communicate with you even tho he doesn’t really know how so he needs someone that’s a good communicator rather than someone who’ll ignore him or be petty with him when their upset w him

when he feels angry or upset with you, he’s learned he needs to take a deep breath and not say anything he’ll regret later because he lowkey has a temper on him

he will tell you in advance that he needs time to process his emotions but will come back to you and slowly but surely explain why he didn’t like what you did

if it’s vice versa tho, sometimes he has a hard time understanding your pov and gets defensive

once you get it through his thick skull and make him understand he apologizes multiple times

he doesn’t say “i’m gonna do better” he just learns to do better

he’d rather show you then just throw empty promises in your face

love language is physical touch, just loves having his hands on you and if you’re not a touchy person no worries, he also shows his love language through acts of service

“i made you some lunch since you said you didn’t eat today. i don’t care if you not hungry, go and eat the plate i made you ma.”

“you didn’t come to school today so i wrote the notes for you. want me to help you study for spanish test this thursday?”

only shows certain emotions around you that nobody can ever see

super clingy as well, likes taking naps with you especially after a long week of not being able to be a teenage boy and doing illegal shit

only really feels like a teenager when he’s in your arms

overall, a sweetheart but this relationship does take some work

[cat-autism-wizard]

five times danny's english class learned that he was phantom (and one time he had to reveal it)

2- paulina & star

paulina and star became inseparable at the start of the highschool. they talked about everything and anything. ever since phantom started to protect amity park they both admired him. paulina even had a crush on him only for her to realize it was just a comphet crush. when phantom saved paulina she noticed something about him. they way he talked was familiar.

she brought this up with star on one of their everyday gossip session. star never really noticed anything but promised to try to catch it.

star loved languages and how people talked. everyone had their own individual way to speak, putting emphasis on certain words and taking different times to breathe. she loved hearing everyones differences. and she would always info dump to paulina. hearing star talk too much about the differences between everyone's way of talking paulina also started to notice it. and hearing a familiar way of speaking from phantom was a weird experience.

paulina told star about the familiarity but couldnt understand why and they laughed mostly. still it did piqued star's interest.

next time star was on the attack range was on the park rather than in the school. phantom was fighting a ghost with a motorcycle and his shadow. star gave in to her curiosity as she hid behind a tree and listened to the fight.

"wheres kitty? did she dump your sorry ass again?" phantom asked with too much sass.

"no, we're going really steady right now. i even thinking about getting her some roses after i kick your ass." the ghost said and shadow attacked phantom.

"dude get her her favorite flowers to show that you care. roses are a safe option but favorite flowers are so much personal." phantom grunted out as he defended himself from shadow. johnny looked at him confused but he looked like he was considering what he said.

"i have a sister remember? i pick up a thing or two." johnny agreed and attacked him right after shadow.

star knew she heard enough to understand the speech pattern.

in the evening she called paulina to tell her what she gathered and what she heard from phantom. they laughed about it and continued to talk about other things. they didnt really pay it too much mind. they just thought it was cool to have that familiar feeling with a hero.

next day at school the first class was english. star sighed as she entered the classroom about five minutes earlier than mr lancer. dont get her wrong, english was her favorite class but as a first class? it was like a lullaby that was sang for them to fall back to sleep.

she sat next to paulina with a smile. paulina looked energetic even in the morning. star envied paulina. she always had energy. maybe it was the cheerleading but star knew even though herself was also more energetic than most people she still felt dull next paulina.

"you seem happy" star stated.

"how can i not be? after our talk last night i went online and bought that eyeliner you told me about. i cant wait for it to be delivered." paulina squealed. they talked about everything and anything until mr. lancer came.

"good morning kids. i hope everyone get enough sleep because i dont want anyone to fall asleep. your exams are close and today we'll get through the most important-" mr. lancer was cut by the late student.

"im so sorry mr. lancer."

star didnt have to look who it was to know that speech pattern. it surprised star to hear phantom and not any squeals though.

"let me guess mr. fenton. overslept?"

wait a minute. what? she turned to the source of the sound.

what.

after an awkward chuckle danny walked to his desk and sat quietly.

WHAT.

"as i was saying before being interrupted. this lesson is important-" star stopped listening. she was only thinking about the speech patterns. she was sure of it. danny and phantom had the exact same pattern. but that was impossible right? she was wrong. she had to be.

after the bell rang star was still going through phantom's pattern in her mind. she had to be wrong. she probably heard fenton wrong, yeah that must be it. then she heard him again.

"im going insane. jazz wont leave me alone about my 'trauma through neglectful parents'. as if she is not my sister." danny vented to his friends, maybe too loud for his taste.

star's eyes widened. she didnt hear wrong. even the words were the same.

"paulina" she said shocked. paulina turned her attention to her.

"are you okay? you look like youve seen a ghost." paulina asked her best friend with concern.

"technically i may have." she mumbled close to a whisper. before paulina could pester her, star dragged paulina from the arm to the bathroom. star checked the bathroom booth before talking.

"star whats happening? im getting nervous."

"ive heard him. and im so sure, it sounds crazy but i am sure and honestly it makes so much sense now that im thinking." paulina looked at her with confusion. moved her hands like she was saying 'elaborate'.

"okay so you know how yesterday we talked about phantom. i heard him." paulina's eyes widened.

"what? who? is he in our class?"

"yes, its fenton." star exclaimed earning a dissapointed look.

"you sound like wes." paulina stated unimpressed.

"first of all, OUCH. second, do you really think i would lie to you about speech patterns? third, OUCH how dare you" star said slightly offended. paulina looked like she was considering something then her eyes widened again.

"holy shit."

"yeah!! so what do we do?" star asked for their next step.

"nothing." paulina sounded more sure than ever.

"what?"

"we tell no one. we do nothing. i dont trust GIW nor do i know his parents that well. i dont like fenton that much but as phantom he protected all of us more than those nosy ghost hunter wannabes." paulina explained earning a nod from star.

"still we're going to distract people more so he can go his ghost things right?"

"oh yeah sure. he may not be lucky all the time."

both girls decided protect phantom in their own ways. whenever there was an attack they would scream loud so the attention would be on them and not on danny. they would distract everyone whenever wes made sense a little.

1 2 3 4 5 +1

[imraespace]

9: GAMING

YUUTA X READER

──────────────

It was the day after your run in with Yuji and Yuuta. You kinda wished you got more time with Yuuta but such is life! Or whatever they say.

You stared at your phone, the messages you received from Yuji. You were kinda excited for your club activities after school but also scared about the game choice.

Nevertheless you switched off your phone and remained silent in your seat until your homeroom teacher arrives. You were all alone in your class, all alone as in no Megumi and Maki.

They both had different homeroom classes with their own friends, leaving you all alone but you can live with it.

────────

All morning classes were finished, lunch came and you made your way to find either Maki or Megumi. Instead you saw both making their way towards with with their friends behind them, minus Yuji.

Inumaki was the first to speak up.

"You're coming after school right?" He asked.

You nodded but eyes wasn't on him, it was on Yuuta.

'Did Maki actually know about your crush? Why is he here?' You asked yourself.

Nobara was second to speak up.

"He will make sure you spend most of your time with him okay? No need to worry!" She said, pointing at Inumaki while flashing you a smile.

You, confused as to what she meant, had a confused smile on your face yet went on with what she said.

After that, you all went to lunch, meeting up with Yuji of course. He noticed you then smiled.

"Can't wait for after school." He said.

.

.

.

────────

The bell went, signaling that school was over. Not for you though.

You gripped your bag as you made your way towards the club room.

In there, you saw Inumaki, Yuji and a few others, some on the pc while other were chatting.

"You're here!" Yuji exclaimed as he and Inumaki made their way towards you.

You nodded.

They both explained what you do in this club. Basically you try out new games and compete in friendly competition with other schools or have tournaments.

You weakly smiled.

"Those are no way up my alley." You mumbled.

"It's okay, when you get to know the others it will be fun. Today you're gonna try out a new game. Fortnite." Yuji said smiling as he had a hand on your shoulder.

Inumaki left us, he went over to another girl who's surprisingly in the club. Maybe you should get to knew her.

Yuji slightly pulled you over to a pc and turned it on.

You already had an epic games account, you played games from it so all you needed to do was learn how to play fortnite.

He gifted you items which you told him he didnt needed to, you doubt you will actually play the game after this but he insisted.

Then you both started to play an online match.

You were scared out your skin, sticking behind Yuji like a sad puppy.

But the more you played the match, the more fun it became. You got into the game, jumping everytime you heard a gunshot, not screaming like you told Yuji, because you're in public. Not embarrassing yourself today!

Anyways, the match lasted a while, you both were still alive thankfully until someone in the distance shot Yuji not to mention he wasn't near you at the time.

"Oh I'm down." He told you.

"YOU'RE WHAT." You slightly shouted, apologizing for raising your voice as you began to run to him but.

"I'm dead."

Now it's just you, panicking in a Fortnite match.

"You got this don't worry." He said as he walked up behind your chair.

He was helping you, pointing out what to do and where they are.

You shot the person who killed Yuji but before you could do anything else, someone else got you.

You came 2nd in your first game and you had fun thanks to Yuji.

He was a bit bummed out for you but congratulated you because it was your first game.

He was even more excited when you said you had fun.

While both of you was in your own world, Inumaki and the girl was looking at you both then at each other, smiling.

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MASTERLIST | <-PREVIOUS // NEXT->

TAGLIST: @milza12 @jayathelostdragon @instantmusico @aggtslva @norvacaine (OPEN)

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note: that girl gonna be important soon😜

[friskarm]

tentatively putting my thoughts into the tag. for context i am an anime-only watcher but i've been really, really enjoying the mage exam arc and i was definitely a little surprised to find out that this arc has a lot of people frustrated!

one of the strengths of this arc, i think, is seeing how frieren interacts with characters and personalities we've not seen her encounter before. fern and stark are both relatively placid as people; they're generally content to go along with what frieren says.

lawine and kanne are two very strong personalities that frieren initially doesn't know how to deal with at all! they have a whole thing going on and frieren's choice is to. not handle it at all. rather, she spends much of her time quietly observing the two of them until she can speak with each of them individually and figure them out, just a bit. she really struggles to get a grasp on the situation until she does that; it's lawine and kanne who are acting first within their team.

then, secondly -- frieren's plan is so. elf with a lot of time to spare. the impact of the time limit is felt so strongly by every human character on the field; everyone is in such a rush! fern's team are stoked they caught a stille so early. the team that attacks them are desperate to steal it asap. after lawine freezes the lake, the other teams are desperately trying to thaw it, for a quick solution.

frieren, though? frieren's solution takes a shitton of time and involves her essentially meditating by a pond for god knows how many hours. it's such a frieren plan; i feel like only someone with a relationship with time like frieren does would come up with it.

tldr; frieren's capacity to form relationships and understand people and her relationship with time are shown off in a really interesting way wrt the way frieren solves the stille problem.

that, and... it seems a bit silly to say this about a show with a certain character in the title but... i do not feel that frieren is exclusively about frieren. it is certainly a story about her adventures but frieren is by no means the only important character! fern is also there! and stark but hes on vacation. so let's talk about fern.

the one fight scene fern has is so unbelieveably crunchy to me bc we learn so much about the world (now) and about the world (part)/frieren's view on magic from it! the girl she fights has really impressive magic; we know that this is generally considered a time of peace, the demon lord is dead, etc. magic is not necessarily a means to an end. i wonder if this means magic has entered a sort of renaissance? a time period after a period of great upheaval, where social structure is thrown out the window and great advances are made in technology, science - and maybe magic!

the way fern uses magic is very indicative of how frieren feels about magic. fern says (that frieren said) that "this is enough to defeat mages of this era", which is so interesting to me bc yes, ofc, fern does win! with her simple magic and full auto fire. but does that automatically mean fern is a better mage? it's complicated...

you hear a lot about the different philosophies of people who use magic in these episodes, and what i'm really interested in seeing is mr war guy meet frieren, bc i think they'd be the most interesting contrast -- a warrior of the past, and a warrior of today.

specifically bc -- frieren is basically a custom-designed warrior. the way she can mask her mana is very specifically designed to be able to weaponised against demons, flamme did that to her very purposefully. the way she's trained fern is also indicative of that; fern's immense firepower and stamina being "enough to defeat mages of this era" without being flashy so to speak indicate, at least to me, that this sort of thing was common in frieren's time! but this is a type of magic very specifically made for battle against a very specific enemy.

no wonder frieren likes collecting weird spells so much... i wonder if she's had much time at all in the past to play around with magic for the sake of anything but fighting and training to fight?

[elkyralt]

I'm going to write this now as I'm watching the goodbye stream, to add my two cents and whatnot.

The community has always been a huge part of the project, if we put the actual server aside for one second. The fanart, fanfics, headcannons, theories, comics, analysis, videos, memes, all of it was just as important as the actual players and server happening. The community was as much the lifeblood of the project as the actors involved were, and for that I can give a big thank you to all of you in the QSMP tag reblogging and creating under QSMPblr. I've adored each passing moment here - that including the rougher eras because as a community I've seen very measured responses from people truly passionate about the purpose the QSMP was there to serve - to unite communities.

As I'm watching Quackity talking about the fact that even if the QSMP as a project has ended, his desire in bridging cultural and language gaps is still present and something he wants to continue creating for. So yes, even if the server is currently ending, what has been achieved will forever be present. I'd never even thought that I'd be in a community with so many different nationalities who are not afraid to express themselves in their own languages and cultures, and especially I'd never thought that I'd be eagerly waiting to congratulate mutuals on their national holidays and things like that. In that, it's made me want to get closer to my own culture since I've never really properly grown up where I come from and I think that is something to be cherished.

I'd never thought I'd rekindle my passion for language learning and now be able to watch videos and streams in Spanish to understand the majority of what's being said and laugh along in chat, nevermind that same passion being rekindled or created for thousands of others. We have so many languages here and it's insane to even think about isn't it? People in the community that speak: Portugese, French, English, Spanish, German, Korean and probably more! I've been trilingual for the major part of my life, and have known Italian really well for a long time on top of that, but the QSMP as a whole has opened up my perspective on language like I'd never thought anything could.

THAT BEING SAID. Thank you to the creators involved in the project. It was clear to me as early as from the first days - before the translator - when the creativity and passion of the creators broke through those initial barriers and helped form the meaningful connections we find today. The roleplayers that created stories and characters very near and dear to me are absolutely to be praised, personally, I'd say q!Cellbit, q!Roier and q!Etoiles are my favourite characters to come out of this and those that I will keep creating and blogging about. Every character that came out of this is incredible though, everyone even down to Jorgito the IV drip and Posolito the capybara are utterly, indisputably, definantly: peak. Im greatful to the duos or groups that have emerged thanks to the translator and opportunity, just a few examples being: Cellbit and Roier, Badboy and YD, Pierre and Maximus, Etoiles and Phil, Missa and Phil, Cellbit and Baghera, Tubbo and Pac, etcetera! All of these connections between CCs were really entertaining to watch, and all due to the QSMP.

ALSO THAT BEING SAID. Thank you to the actors behind the scenes doing as much of a part as the streamers themselves. The eggs were all absolutely wonderful as NPCs and breathed life into the server like no other. All of them, all portrayed such different characters with realistic personalities and struggles that to me have always been stupendous at staying in character at all points. Lullah, Chayanne, Richas, Tupperware (Dapper), Patitas de cheto (Bobby), Leo, Tillin, Juanna, Trump, Chunsik, Em, Pepito, Sunny, all of you eggos have made the QSMP an unforgettable experience, and you admins deserve to get recognition. Massive thanks also go to the designers, writers, actors and managers behind the project as well, just as important in keeping the server running and fresh in how it was.

General thanks to the project for achieving what it has. Uniting communities, creating an incredibly story and characters, opening mine and other's eyes to more diverse cultures, rekindling passion for language learning and just so much more shit I could talk about for hours. This server has been an incredible ride, but that doesn't mean I'm leaving it completely.

Of course, the QSMP was by no means perfect and I'm not trying to make it out to be. It has it's issues and I'm completely aware of that. I think the impact and beauty the server has had is something to be celebrated regardless because it's something on a scale not done before.

I'm still going to be here, posting and creating about this SMP even after it closes. I'm still gonna be here posting silly clips and making long posts like this one that will maybe get 5 notes - but that's fine with me. I'm proud to be part of this community and experience as a whole, since Day fucking 1 - and I regret none of it. To all the people I've met over this thank you so much for being the people you are, keep creating and learning.

Thank you, QSMP, QSMPblr and Quackity Studios.

[lisbeth-kk]

May Prompts

Today's prompt is: secret

The Luckiest Girl in the World (chapter 11)

Summary: Uncle Myc has his eyes everywhere. Even at Rosie's school.

Eleven Years Old

From time to time, uncle Myc picked me up from school in one of his black town cars. The questions were endless the days after, and I found it increasingly difficult to answer them truthfully. By now I knew that my uncle’s business was of a delicate and important nature. In my eyes, he knew everything my parents didn’t, and he obviously had eyes everywhere. Also, in my school it turned out…

I rarely visited him at home. When he picked me up, there were three possible destinations we’d arrive at. Baker Street, a café to have something sweet, or like in this case, his office at the Diogenes Club.

I greeted George, the man at the front desk, in sign language. The first time I did it, I was a bit disappointed that uncle Myc didn’t seem the least bit surprised by this. 

One of my classmates was deaf, so each week we learned new words. My uncle obviously knew this, because he remarked on my progress when we were safe inside his spacious office.

“You know everything, don’t you?” I said, which he assured me he didn’t. 

“I just prefer to keep a keen eye on things,” he offered.

“And sticking your long nose into matters that aren’t your concern!” I heard Papa murmur in my mind.

A chuckle escaped me, and he cocked an inquisitory eyebrow at me.

“Don’t tell me my brother has taken up telepathy,” uncle Myc said dryly, which made me snort.

“Papa doing anything paranormal related?” I asked incredulously. “Are we speaking of Sherlock Holmes, or do you have another sibling?”

I’d never seen my uncle like that. He was shaken, looked ashen, but was rescued by a knock on the door. Tea had arrived.

***

During tea, my uncle asked me about school, my progress in mathematics, science, biology, history, English and geography. He never asked about my friends or teachers. Other people than his family never seemed to interest him much, though he did sometimes inquire about Greg Lestrade.

“Something is bothering you, Rosamund,” uncle stated. “How can I be of assistance?”

I didn’t even blink at this. I might have a few years ago, but I was used to his and Papa’s “knowledge” when their loved ones struggled or had a problem that needed solving.

“Intrusive questions from classmates and other pupils,” I sighed. “Not my friends. They understand that I’m uncomfortable about answering everything about Papa’s and your work, but the others…I’m tired of coming up with constantly “new facts” you know.”

“Indeed,” uncle agreed. “I have something for you to help with that. It’ll be our little…secret.”

He walked over to a large cupboard and retrieved a black box. Inside were several files with suggestions to what I could answer my peers, without giving away any government or personal secrets. (Not that I knew any of the former…)

“Brilliant!” I exclaimed while I leafed through the sheets.

“You do realise that you are saying that out loud,” uncle Myc chided, but the satisfied smile and his pink cheeks gave him away.

Also available on AO3

Thank you all for the lovely comments so far. All the love <3

@calaisreno @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @raina-at @helloliriels

More tags in the replies.

[nonbinarypirat]

Learning how to be selfish (another iruma focused deep dive. Spoilers for iruma kun manga)

I promise I won’t ONLY focus on iruma as a character. I plan to do a post on many characters and scenes, especially since I have been breezing through the story. As a hobbiest writer and actor, I love to go back and reflect on scenes, read them multiple times, and learn why a character did what they did. And I want to share these thoughts with y’all. It’s just that, I have hit Opera becoming a teacher and decided this is the perfect time to take a pause and reflect on this new side of iruma we are seeing poking through. (And YES I most definitely screamed when they became a teacher, my nonbinary icon.) so yeah, I plan to make a lot of posts, but it’s another iruma only one today. Take a shot every time I say selfish or greedy in this tho, I repeat it so often. No thesaurus is being used today.

Ok, im loving that Iruma is becoming more selfish. I especially loved Iruma telling Purson that he’s learned that it’s ok to do selfish acts and stick with what you want to do rather than doing what people want or expect of you. This is the first sign of Iruma breaking out of just saying yes to things. Saying no can be so difficult, especially if you have lived your entire live thinking that was the only option for you to do. He’s too kind, and trained, so he said yes to basically anything even at the risk of hurting or exhausting himself. I appreciated this moment because Purson similarly doesn’t feel like he has many choices. He loved his family and wants to support the family business, but feel dragged along with the whims of his father.

Though I guess it’s kind of a misnomer to say that the scene with Purson is the “first” time we have heard greedy being applied to Iruma. Amelie was the first person and at first I didn’t fully get what she meant. I think I kind of just dropped that part of the conversation as unimportant. But it’s actually super important for us as the audience to understand his character going forward. At the beginning, Iruma didn’t have a lot of motivations, merely being led by whatever happened in the Netherworld. He was in a manner of speaking, selfless to an unhealthy degree. It was only by learning to set a goal for himself that he started to feel (at least to me) as an active participant to the world at large. And Amelie was the one who inspired that in him in the first place. Amelie was the first one to call him selfish/greedy (to my recollection) which is fitting as the character who pushed him so far.

I also think I should clarify that I don’t use the term selfish in this case as a negative. In fact, I’m happy he is becoming a greedy character. Because Iruma won’t abuse this trait of his. Selfishness without kindness and care is dangerous. Without empathy and compassion, greed quickly turns into cruelty. Iruma has these traits though. He has the morals and love to utilize his selfishness to the fullest. Selfishness and kindness can go hand to hand. In fact, I think this is the best quality for one to have. The desire to strive towards your wants while understanding that you can’t treat the people and environment as expendable. And Iruma has the deadly combination of selfishness, caring, and determination.

Which leads us into the 13’s Dinner in which they talk about food bringing out who a demon really is. I loved this scene because it highlights what people could see on the surface when faced with Iruma’s gluttony (aka greed). Baal said “it’d terrifying to think of what he’d be like as a king” (paraphrasing) but that’s without understanding the core fundamentals of who Iruma is. We see him try to force this idea onto Sabro too, saying iruma is pushing his grandfather’s weight around to turn him against Iruma. That’s just widely untrue. Baal, and honestly so many of the Six Fingers from what we’ve seen so far, believe that people are just like them. That deep down, they are (or could be forced into) the rotten type of selfishness that their group takes pride in. True, people can be forced to do cruel things. That doesn’t mean thats who you are fundamentally however. Baal lacks the love that Iruma is overflowing with. And so he equates selfishness with cruelty. He thinks that if he experiences this certain flavor of the trait, that must mean everyone else experiences it the same way too.

Either way, Iruma is a character that is shaping up to be someone who has many desires. From zero to infinity, And what makes him so likable is that he’s willing to do anything to protect those desires. To protect the life he has built and the people he has come to cherish. He wants it all. His friends, soulmates (and yes you better believe I will post a screaming post about that at some point), Amelie, family, good food, fun, adventure, Balam, Kalego and so much more. He wants everything. And he’s also willing to do anything it takes to protect these desires. More than that, he’s always grateful to the life he has built here, to the people who have opened up their hearts to, and for the beautiful home he has created. And that’s the reason why I can’t wait to see Iruma grow into the wonderful selfish person he deserves to be.

[boldlyvoid]

Where There is Love, There is Life | Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Choice | for @elriel-month 2024

Summary: Elain trains, Azriel Gossips, and Lucien learns the truth.

Warnings: made up Daglan lore, mentions of HOFAS, history of bonds, Helion and Lucien talk

Word Count: 6k | Masterlist

Sitting in Helion’s personal library once again, there is a sheet of paper, an ink well and pen, and a stack of books almost as tall as Elain. And that’s just what Helion has deemed important for todays lesson. The walls are covered in books, well, 3 of them are. The fourth is dedicated to a chalkboard adorned with thoughts, theories and numbers she doesn’t yet understand. 

“Now that we’ve gone over astrology, did you happen to get all the birthdays of your inner circle?” Helion asks, pushing the pen and paper towards her. 

“I thought we were doing numerology today?” Elain asks, realizing she never brought the sheet of paper with the dates on it. 

“We are,” he smiles. Today’s one of the rare hot days in spring, so her eyes dart from his smile to his big muscled arm that he has on show. The shirt he’s wearing can barely be considered a shirt at this point; it just covers his nipples and stomach… but she’s not complaining. 

“Then why—

“Everyone has a life path number, which you get by adding up the numbers of one birth month and day,” he continues. “The easiest way to learn how to calculate the number is through repetition. So, start with your own and then your sisters; we can move on to the bat boys in a moment.” 

The term makes her smile. She straightens her back, grabs the pen, and starts to write. “My birthday is May 16th.” 

“It is?” He lights up. “Well, we’ll have to throw you a party, then!” 

“Oh, no, no, it’s okay,” she waves him off. “I might go home for the day.” 

He nods, “Or we could invite your court here? There is a beautiful plot of land my Pegasus frequents. It’s lush with flowers and fruit trees; I think it would be the perfect spot to celebrate you.” 

She blushes; it sounds magnificent. “If it’s not too much—

“It would never be too much,” he assures her. “Now, May is already a single number. You’ll have to add 1 and 6 together…” 

“So 5 plus 7,” she starts to write. “My number is 12.” 

“It can also be simplified down to 3,” he smiles. “Out of everyone I’ve ever met, you radiate 3 more than I’ve ever thought possible.” 

He pulls a book from the pile, flips through some pages and slides it in front of her. “See here; people with life path number 3 are creative spirits driven by their infinite imagination. Which is why the cauldron must’ve gifted you with sight. It knew you could see the wildest visions and still decode them.” 

She continues to read the pages, absorbing the knowledge— some of it does sound like her. Like not being able to pick a singular hobby but rather jumping back and forth between everything she enjoys. She would go crazy without baking, gardening and cross-stitching. An independent, free spirit, she’s not restrained by others' expectations of her. Yet, she also loves being around people. Having friends outside of her sisters for the first time has truly changed her life. She felt so lost without Nuala and Cerridwen; she misses them so much right now. She’ll have to ensure they come for her birthday and not lift a finger the whole day! They deserve a break.

“Anything sticking out?” Helion asks. 

She nods, “a few things… I’m definitely unable to stay organized. Ask Feyre; my greenhouse is a mess on a good day.” 

“Speaking of the High Lady, what is her birthday?” 

“December 21st,” she starts to write it down. “December is 12, so that becomes 3… the 21st also becomes 3, so her number is 6.” 

“Exactly,” Helion beams. “Were you this good in school, too?” 

“All 7 years that I was able to go,” she says with a sigh. “I learned what was important, my mother said that once I was married I’d only need to focus on keeping a house together. She said I’d never need advanced math.” 

Helion presses his lips together awkwardly, “Well, at least this math isn’t hard.” 

She simply flips the pages, finding the information on the meaning of 6… which is exactly how she would describe her sister. She starts to laugh at it; it’s way too accurate. 

“As a child and young adult, responsibility was always there on your 6 Life Path, but you may have rebelled against it,” she reads. “You will learn a lot about parenting in this life time. But you are also here to create, to learn that creativity has many forms, and is not confined only to creating a biological family.”

Helion smiles. “She did make a son as beautiful as her paintings.” 

“That she did,” Elain sighs, chest full of pride. 

The 6 Life Path teaches you that you are primarily accountable to yourself, that family members and relatives do not own each other, and that love thrives when it is able to flow freely in all directions.

She’s always loved her sisters and always will… however loving them became a lot easier when they weren’t all sharing a bed. Knowing Feyre is on the other side of her massive mansion of a home, knowing she could just walk to her when she needs her, that’s a blessing. Knowing Nesta is just a quick trip to the House of Wind, living her best life with people who love her, that’s all she’s ever wanted for Nesta. 

Being apart somehow brought them closer together. 

“Nesta is April 13th,” she says, starting to write once again. “4 and 4 is 8… she has an 8-pointed star on her back.”

Helion’s eyes widen, “like the lost sword Gwydion.” 

She nods, not allowing her face to change at all. It sure was still lost… it’s totally not in Nesta’s possession.

She turns back a page, finding it interesting that she and her sisters are so close in number and yet such polar opposites of each other. That’s life, though. 

“The path of Empowerment,” she reads, filled with pride, once more… it fades when she starts to read and it gets too real. 

The 8 Life Path signifies a lifetime of investing in yourself and overcoming judgments that stand between you and your strong ambitions. Modern numerology often diminishes 8’s meaning with an almost exclusive focus on material and financial matters. Yes, 8 is the number of power on the physical plain, but it is also the number of true understanding and balance, without which personal power is superficial and material gain is easily lost.

“I love her,” she whispers, trying not to cry. “She struggles in silence and lets it eat at her until that hunger needs to bite at someone else.” 

Helion nods along, “But it’s all about balance. While she may be in her head, thinking she deserves or doesn’t deserve certain aspects of her life… she’s powerful. Not too selfish, she’s able to use her hurt and her experiences to connect. She networks and organizes, and she’s convincing. I heard about her little dance with Eris last year. I saw how she captivated the high lords during the war and managed to change even Berons mind. The bad comes with the good, making her a perfect 8.”

Elain nods along, finding her smile once more. “She is… everything.” 

“Believe me, I know,” he teases. Still hitting on her no matter how long she’s been mated. “Now, do you remember the others?” 

“I believe so… they’re on my desk in my room,” she shares. 

“I’ll have someone bring them to us,” he assures, waving in a servant. 

She writes down Azriel’s. January 27th. An Aquarius, and after her lesson the other day, nothing fits better for him. He lives in his head, thinks outside the box, and has a deep sense of justice. He's an easygoing loner, and he’s an air sign. It’s no wonder he loves to fly. One of a kind with beautiful eyes, they say what they think with great eloquence… that’s her Az. 

His life path number, however, is 1. 

“Ah… of course,” Helion says as he reads over her shoulder. “One typically takes care of themselves, stand on their own two feet and always get what they want.” 

She smirks, blushing again. “He does.” 

Once again, on his page of the book, she reads everything… but it’s not right. “He’s not self-centred or insensitive?” 

“With you,” Helion reminds her. “At work, when he’s the spymaster, the shadowsinger… he has to put himself first; he has to not care because bringing feelings into an interrogation will backfire on him.” 

“I guess,” she continues to read. 

But because 1 is the first number, being at the top – being first – is your natural place. You will gain the maximum satisfaction from this energy when, instead of using it to compete, you use its pioneering vibrations to carve new roads in areas that interest you the most.

“He is the best at what he does,” she can agree with that. “Oh, and it says concentration is one of the splendid gifts a number 1 has. When he’s been given a command, he’s always so focused on getting the job done.” 

“No wonder you’re so happy,” Helion nudges her. 

She shoves him back. “Yes, and It says here: Practice the art of leadership by welcoming and encouraging your ‘following’, while confidently maintaining your position as originator and leader. Others soon realize that you will not be tricked into anything that goes against your grain or best interests.”

“That’s your man,” Helion agrees. Standing from his seat, he meets the servant at the door and takes her note. “The most powerful High Lord was born on the Eve of Samhain… when the veil between worlds is at its thinnest. When magic is at its height.” 

“So his number would be…. October is 10, so that’s a 1, and 31 becomes 4, so he’s a 5,” she says with glee. “He and Feyre are just a number apart.” 

“5s are an interesting breed,” Helion hesitates, sitting back down beside her, he takes a deep breath. “They’re intense, both emotionally and sexually. Their body, mind and emotions are equipped to easily adapt to change… However, they either flourish with the change or are overwhelmed by it. 5s are able to change their inner attitudes and outer appearances to suit different circumstances” 

“That’s my brother-in-law,” Elain laughs. 

The book states: 5 is an active and unpredictable path. It is so filled with sudden and unusual events and opportunities that you sometimes become confused by it or afraid of it. Once in a while, these 5s do let go, or the 5 current becomes so strong that they are swept away into some kind of drama, only to miss the excitement of it all because they believe they are simply out of control. The freedom of 5 starts with a burning desire to live life as fully, freely, and openly as possible and to experience variety, excitement and adventure. And, of course, these desires can only come from within. Refusing to let go of what is safe and familiar so that you can discover alternatives is a large part of what causes a mistake to be repeated. And most 5s do seem to repeat the same old mistakes, often without realizing it. Admitting to your mistakes can be a battle in itself. Accept that mistakes are inevitable in your life because that is how 5s learn and prosper.

“I’m going to need a scribe to copy this for him,” Elain teases. “He could learn a thing or two.” 

Helion smirks, crossing his arms as he sits back in his chair. “Have you ever been on the wrong end of one of his decisions?” 

“Just last week,” she shares. “He thought it was okay to tell Az to stay away from me so he could keep a good connection with Lucien and the Human Queen, Vassa. Not taking into account that fact that I may want say in my future.” 

Helion nods slowly, “Sounds like Rhysand.” 

She lets it roll off her shoulders, “I settled it. He’s learning, albeit slowly, but he’s learning how to deal with the Archeron sisters.” 

“How does Cassian deal with you all? Being a Cancer and all,” he pushes the paper towards her. 

“July 9th…” she reads aloud. “That would be 7 and 9, so 16 becomes 7.” 

“Perfectionists, prone to secrecy, but as they get older, that need to protect themselves goes away,” Helion explains. “Knowing Cassian as long as I have, he had a hard time trusting people to be as good as he was; he did work while with his legion because he knew that he would be the one to get shit done right.” 

“And now he’s accepted that the rest of us are there to help him and he’s not alone,” Elain smiles softly. “What else?” She asks as she flips in the book. 

“Deep thinker, a cleaver planner… he’s the orchestrator. It’s why he leads armies and he will go down in history as the best warrior since Enalius.” 

She finds a passage that is so Cassian, she sits up straighter as she reads it: Your intuition enables you to sense and feel your way through life. Positive results will follow when you learn to rely on the combined voice of your thoughts and feelings. While others sit perplexed by a problem, you can produce the right answer, instinctively, in one intuitive flash. And once you have the solution, your intuition will take you inward and backward to show you how you arrived at it.

Helion nods along. “Numerology is one of my favourite aspects of divination. Numbers are everywhere, you’ll start noticing them more and more now that you’ve learned this.” 

“How so?” 

“You’ll notice that you look at the clock at specific times every day, without real reason. You’ll notice things come in packs of 3 or 8 or 12. You might even have numbers in your dreams…. And in visions, speaking of which, have you had any since you’ve been here?” 

She shakes her head, “No, I haven’t had one in a few weeks. They only come to me when they want to.” 

He hums, “okay… Tomorrow, I wanted to do some hydromancy, but I think it’s time we look more into clairvoyance and clairaudience. Both are extrasensory perception; the mother or the cauldron or whatever you believe in either whisper the future into your ears or show you glimpses of the future.” 

“I have had both,” she assures. “During the war, I had no idea what was happening and while I kept seeing the firebird who ended up being Vassa, the ravens were first whispered to me. I kept hearing ‘the ravens are coming’ and it confused me so much.” 

Helion starts looking around at all his personal books, reading the titles, but he cannot find what he wants. “I’m going to have a book delivered to your room tonight,” he explains. “You don’t have to read it all. However, it will be a good introduction to what we will be discussing soon.” 

She nods, “are you sure we should have a large lesson tomorrow, given that Lucien is coming?” 

His eyes widen, as if he forgot that was happening. “What if we meet here at dawn? You can join me for my meditation to get in the zone for the day and I’ll have breakfast dropped off here so we can begin early.” 

She nods, “I would like that.” 

—

Azriel’s shadows are like a second skin to him after 500 years. He almost doesn’t notice when they come and go, not until they’re whispering secrets and warnings to him. It takes a while for him to realize that his shadows disappear around Elain. They can find her, they can follow her if he asks, yet when she’s close, they leave. He’s not sure if it’s for privacy or because they know he’s completely safe with her… out of everyone in the world, Elain is the only person he’s truly safe with. 

When he returns to the day court, his shadows simply say that she’s in the library and dissipate. 

He heads to the main library, the first of many in the day court, the closest to the palace. Inside, he can’t scent her over the smell of old books… yet there is a hint of Ash. His shadows come rushing back, worried for him after everything he’s been through in the last few years. He’s been hit with more ash arrows and faebane in the last 3 years than he has in his whole life, which is saying something. 

He follows the smell, a hand on the truth teller as he approaches an alcove. He knows the female sitting at the table, at least from what he can see of her over the stacks of books: Nuan, the Alchemist from the Dawn Court. He knew she’d be here; she had been here all week, researching the Ash family to see all that it could do to the Fae. 

He clears his throat, alerting her to his presence and making her jump in her seat slightly. “Oh, hello, Lord Azriel.” 

He grimaces, shaking his hands, “Please, it’s just Azriel.” 

“Azriel,” she settles with a smile. “Is there something I can help you with?” 

He shakes his head, “I was looking for Elain, I think I have the wrong library.” 

“Ah,” she smiles, having guessed that the high lady’s sister and the spymaster were together. “Well, since you’re here, I have a question.” 

He approaches her, standing beside her work table, “What can I do for you?” 

“I’ve come across a book on the Daglan, the history of the start of Prythian and old folklore,” she explains. “Do you know anything about how they were conquered?”

Az takes a deep breath and assesses if he should tell her. Rhys would be pissed… not as pissed as when Nesta gave Bryce the mask, but still pissed. If answers come from this, however, he might not stay mad for long. 

So Az takes a seat. 

“Where do I even start,” he can’t help but laugh. 

He started when Bryce arrives, explaining their trip to the prison and the history they uncovered. Theia and her daughters, the Daglan, the portals to other worlds… how they concurred worlds and were overthrown only twice and finally destroyed by the portal-jumping half-fae who stole his dagger. He explains how the Daglan corrupted the cauldron and created the monsters now locked in the prison in the night court…. And how the same portals they used to jump worlds brought in the beasts that hunt in The Middle. Beings like the kelpie, the weaver and whatever Amren was before the war. Even Koshcei. 

“Cauldron almighty…” she swears, jaw dropped as her eyes wander, thinking a mile a minute in her mind. “Do you know how they corrupted the cauldron?” 

He shakes his head, “not fully. The original 8 Asteri— that is the Daglan’s true name. They pooled their power together and imbued it into the cauldron… they made the dread trove as well as Gwydion and Truth Teller.”

“Did you learn how to fix it?” Nuan asks, begging for answers just as he did that day he learned all this. “Learn why they did it?”

“No, I did, however, allow one of my shadows to go with Bryce to Midgard. The Asteri, when they were here, there was a tithe to absorb a percentage of our power; in Midgard, they created a parasite to infest the water and stifle their magic until they came of age. The coming of age ceremony was called the drop, once they partook they gave a portion of their power to the Asteri and their powers were unlocked. They were not as powerful as they could be, but they were just enough to live a long, long life. Those who didn’t partake faded away into nothing with age, like a human would.”

“And Bryce defeated them?” 

He nods, “She almost died in the process… which is another way the daglan took power. The power they took in the drop was called first light, the power they take after death is called second light. Once they took it, they didn’t get to go to the forever resting place some believe is out there. They became nothing.” 

Nuan slumps in her seat. Rubbing her hand over her face. “This is so much bigger than a family of trees…” 

Az laughs, “believe me, it was a lot to take in when it was happening. Now, we’re left with the knowledge and no way to fix the cauldron. We don’t even know in what ways they corrupted it; what they changed.” 

“The cauldron holds water,” Nuan reminds him. “They might’ve gotten the idea for the parasite from what ever they did to the cauldron.” 

He hums, thinking about it. “Are you coming to dinner tonight in the great hall?” 

She nods, “why?”

“Elain might be able to tell you about what the water in the cauldron was like,” he explains. “Seeing as she was the first one dunked into it, and she was blessed by it…” 

“Unlike the other sister who stole from it,” Nuan knows. The whole of Prythian knew that the oldest Archeon sister was to be feared for what she did that day. They just don’t know she gave the power back.

“Would I be allowed to see the cauldron?” She asks. 

He takes a deep breath, thinking it over. “Rhys and Feyre will be here in a few days, they, and Helion, can discuss if it’s a safe option for you.” 

She nods, agreeing. “I appreciate the help today. I um… I figured out something, I think it’s something you and Lady Archeron would like to know.” 

“Go on,” he pulls in even closer, anxious to know what she’s uncovered in her days of research. 

“While Ash wood can kill us, the blooming leaves of the Ash tree can be used as a tea. The Daglan did awful, horrific experiments on the fae, all of which were recorded… ingesting the leaves doesn’t maim the drinker. Instead, it gifts them with dreams of their one true love. The Daglan put a stop to the tea the moment they found out what it could do, and now I’m guessing it’s because they corrupted the cauldron to change how bonds work. The dreams would show a true love match; the cauldron now wants powerful offspring because the Dagaln fed from them for so long.” 

It all hits Azriel like a brick wall. “So if I take the tea…” 

“You’ll know the truth,” Nuan smiles. “So will Lady Archeron.” 

—

Feyre and Rhys arrive with Lucien right at noon, greeted by Elain and Helion in the golden courtyard. Helion’s hand is on Elain’s back, and she glances at him, noticing he’s holding his breath while staring at his son. Taking in all his features, noticing all the parts that are himself and what parts are Lucien's mother…, his heart breaks when he sees the scar on his face, knowing there are more scars he keeps inside. 

“Welcome!” Elain takes over for him, breaking away from Helion to meet with him. “Lucien, it’s nice to see you.” 

Surprisingly, she opens her arms and brings him in for a hug. 

He’s a bit shocked, but accepts. Holding her close, smelling Azriel on her. He pulls back with concern on his face, “Did the shadowsinger fly you in?” 

She shakes her head, “he’s been staying here during my training, assuring I stay safe after what happened with the cauldron the last time I started looking for answers.”

It's not a lie, just not the whole truth, either. 

“In your bed?” He chuckles, “I was wondering when you’d finally get together.” 

“You wouldn’t be upset about it?” 

He shakes his head, “I don’t own you; you’re free to make your own choices. I’ve been alive for over 300 years; you haven’t. I’d like to see you make your own choices and mistakes and find happiness.” 

She pulls him in for another hug. " Oh, Lucien, thank you! I expected you to want to follow the cauldron's orders.”

Lucien soaks in the hug, eyes closed as he holds her. “This is the one time I’m not going to blindly follow someone's orders. I’ve learned my lesson.”  

“It’s also why we’re here,” Rhysand says from behind them. “We’ve learned quite a few things about the cauldron, things that you should be made aware of.” 

“The uh, the dining room is all set up for lunch if you’d care to join me in there for this meeting,” Helion finally speaks. “It’s lovely to have you here, Lucien.” 

He reaches out his hand for Helion, “Thank you for inviting me. I’ve always loved visiting the day court.” 

They all agreed it’s completely up to Helion when he tells Lucien; if he ever tells him. This meeting is about the information Nuan found in her research, how to find one's true love and what the Daglan did to mating bonds. 

They gather around the dining table and fill their plates with sandwiches, fruits, and vegetables with dips, cheeses and meats. Its a wonderful spread that his kitchen staff makes on the regular. Elain is going to have to start incorporating these into her own meal rotation at home. 

“What is it you wish to tell me,” Lucien asks between bites. 

Rhysand looks to Elain and then Helion, “Who would like to explain?” 

“I can,” Elain assures, putting down her sandwich and taking a sip of her bubbly wine first before continuing. “Last spring, we had an unexpected visitor in the Night Court. She jumped from her world to ours thanks to the Harp— the 4th forgotten item from the dread trove.”

Lucien's eyes widened. “Is world jumping real? I thought it was a myth?” 

Elain sighs, “It’s very real. You need specific items to do it the right way. However, Bryce was brought here to learn more about her heritage. She was the original Queen Theia’s long-lost ancestor… it turns out that Theia killed Fionn, took the trove and opened a portal to another world that the Daglan had overtaken after they were kicked from our world. There, Theia confirmed that the Daglan, now the Asteri, are just power-hungry monsters who feed off our power. When they were here, they used the cauldron to create deadly weapons, horrible monsters they could hunt for sport, and they corrupted the cauldron to ensure that mate bread more powerful beings they could feed off of.” 

“Holy shit,” Lucien can’t believe it. 

“Nuan, who fixed your eye,” Elain continues, waiting for Luciens mind to catch up, he nods. “She has been doing research for us. The wood of the ash tree is deadly for us, however the Ash tree is a cousin of the olive tree…” 

She picks up an olive with her fork and eats it, “how can one thing kill us and the other be so delicious?” 

“That is a fascinating question,” Feyre says under her breath. 

“Nuan discovered that the Daglan discovered a tea that would allow for the taker to dream of their one true love and those who were able to could then Scry to find them,” she continues with a large smile. “Before the Daglan corrupted the bonds, all mates were assigned together for the purpose of true and happy love. They outlawed the tea because they didn’t want true love bonds anymore, they only wanted powerful offspring.” 

“Are you saying we aren’t a true love bond?” Lucien clues in, shoulders slumping. “I mean, I knew it wasn’t a strong love, I just didn’t expect it to not be true love.” 

Elain shakes her head, feeling sorry for having to break the news to him, “no, the Daglan would collect a tithe from us, taking 10% of our power that we willingly gave to them each year. They wanted a way to still take 10%, they just wanted a stronger 10% so they corrupted the cauldron to make mates who would produce powerful offspring that would satiate them.” 

“Like my parents and Tamlin’s,” Rhysand adds. “They did not love each other; they have just been born through the generations to continue to make powerful children, even after the Daglan left.” 

“How do we fix it?” Lucien asks. 

“We’re still working on that,” Helion jumps in. “Elain is still learning all that she can do with her power so we can attain more answers.”

“So far, I’ve learned basic divination, meditation and relaxation, tarot, astrology, and my favourite has been numerology,” she beams at him. “When is your birthday?” 

“Um, October 3rd,” he shares. “My mother tried to have all of us in the autumn.”

Helion stares at his plate, moving around his side salad and not saying anything. 

“So that would make you a life path number 4,” Elain explains. “Life path number 4’s spend most of their life looking for their true identity. You find accomplishment through hard work. You have great self-discipline. 4 teaches the value of determination, effort, simplicity, and dependability.”

He nods along, slowly taking it all in. “That… that sounds right. What would someone born on January 1st be?”

“A 2,” Elain answers without missing a beat, making Helion smile. 

“She is the best student I’ve ever had,” he compliments, staring right at Feyre. “I don’t want to give her back.” 

“I’ll come visit you,” Elain assures him. 

“What does 2 mean?” Lucien wonders, something like urgency on his tone.

“Um,” she looks to Helion for a bit of support. He nods his head slightly, reminding her that she’s got this. “the energy of 2 does not seek to control but to achieve balance. Those born on the 2 Life Path have the potential to lead the way for humanity through their refined powers of persuasion, their ability to inspire on an emotional level, and most importantly, their desire to bring equality and peace to this planet.”

Lucien blushes slightly, looking down at his plate. “She is going to change the world.” 

“Who?” Feyre asks, sitting up straighter. Happy for her friend.

“Vassa,” Lucien beams. “Don’t tell her, but I’m— I think I’m falling in love with her.” 

Elain places her hand on her heart, “This is wonderful news, Lucien!” 

“Thank you. I’m excited to take this tea now, to see if my true love match is her… even if it isn’t, even if it was Jesminda, I still want to be with Vassa.” 

“We’re still looking into her curse,” Helion assures him. “I’ll do anything I can to help you get to keep her.” 

“Thank you, Helion,” Lucien smiles. 

They look so similar it blows Elain’s mind. How does he not see it? It should be like looking in a mirror for him. 

“The teas will be delivered to our rooms tonight,” Elain assures. “We are all taking it. Some has even been sent back to Nesta and Cassian to check. Morrigan and Amren are taking it as well.” 

“What does this mean for you two?” Lucien asks Feyre and Rhys. 

They look at each other and smile. Rhys is quick to hold her hand above the table, “we know the truth. This love we have between us in unbreakable.” 

“I personally believe that the reason why mating has become so hard. People were shocked to find out that all 3 of us were mated so soon after becoming fae. It’s unheard of for a whole family to find a mate.” Feyre adds. “The Cauldron picked up to help it. I think the cauldron misses when it was dedicated to giving out love and life to these lands.” 

“So we bring it back,” Helion announces, holding up his glass. “No matter what it takes, we bring true love back to Prythian.” 

Everyone raises their glasses in response, dedicated to the task at hand. 

—

That night she sits in bed beside Azriel, a mug of steaming tea in both of their hands. “Are you sure?” She asks. 

“I want to know… even if it’s not you; even if I’m meant for no one, I want to know and love you anyway,” Azriel assures. 

“And if we do dream of each other?” 

Azriel’s eyes soften; he’s more beautiful than ever before. “Then we’ll know why we’ve wanted one another so badly.” 

“Do you think this tea will make us tired or just aid in our dreams when we do fall asleep?” She asks. 

A knowing smirk grows on his face, “Why?” 

She takes another sip and places her almost empty cup on her night table; Azriel follows her lead and does the same. She quickly straddles his hips, hands on his shoulders, “because I would like to remind you just how badly I’ve wanted you all this time.” 

—

Elain and Azriel are the last to arrive at the breakfast table the nest morning. Hand in hand, matching smiles plastered to their faces. 

They dreamt of each other last night. 

Feyre is sitting in Rhys’ lap, being hand-fed cantaloupe while Lucien laughs. Helion shakes his head with a smile. "Well, I take it you had good dreams?” the golden High Lord asks.

Elain nods, “We had the same dream… us and our daughter playing in the grass behind our home on the Sidra.” 

Feyre places a hand to her heart, “the same girl you’ve seen before?” 

“You’ve seen her before?” Azriel can’t believe it. 

Elain nods, “We adopt her from Illyria, seeing as I can’t have babies for us.” 

Azriel kisses her head, “we’ll create the family we deserve.” 

They take a seat side by side, across from Lucien, “So, what did you dream of?” 

“Fire,” Lucien explains, smile building. “Blinding, bright fire that took over all my senses.” 

“Your firebird,” Feyre swoons. 

He nods, overjoyed with love in his eyes, “My firebird… Helion, who did you see?” 

He takes a deep breath, thinking it over. “I saw my mate… Seraphina.” 

“That’s my… mother’s—“ Lucien blinks in understanding. “What?” 

Helion simply nods. “I met her a year before she was betrothed to Beron. We met again during the great war, and… we had a love affair that lasted over a hundred years. Beron never knew, not until the end, when she became pregnant.” 

Lucien's mechanical eye closes in on Helion, studying him. “You’re… my father?” 

Helion nods. “I didn’t know. Not until last week.” 

“Does my— does Beron know?” 

Helion shrugs, “I’m not certain. However, his level of cruelty to you, from what I’ve heard, could be explained by knowing you’re not his blood.” 

“Then where does—

“Your mother was sold to your father to ensure that the fire in her veins passed on to all his children. He wanted the strongest brood and would do anything to get it.” 

“Why didn’t you do anything about it? Why didn’t you challenge him?” Lucien begs, “You know he hurts her, and you do nothing?” 

“What do you do?” Helion challenges him right back. “Beron is not a man I would like to mess with unless absolutely necessary. Your mother asked me not to intervene. She asked me to let nature take its course, and she said when the time was right when he died, she could come back to me.” 

Lucien just shakes his head, “I wish he would die tomorrow.” 

“We all do,” Rhys murmurs, reminding the men that there are others in the room, still. 

Lucien calms, shaking his head as it all settles around him. “So I’m… I’m heir to the day court?” 

Helion nods, “you are… I’ve heard your fire is bright, almost white. That you can winnow and you run like the wind. I wonder if there’s more light to you, if when you become truly happy... if you’ll glow like myself and Feyre do.” 

“I’ve…. I’ve glowed,” Lucien admits. “I thought it was… I’m not sure what it was.” 

Clearly lying, he doesn’t seem comfortable enough to share. 

“How about we leave you two,” Elain announces, standing with her plate now filled with food. “My chambers have a sitting room; we can move there. Let them bond.” 

“Fantastic idea,” feyre is quick to her feet, feeling just as awkward as everyone else. “I’d love to hear more about your dreams.” 

@greenleaf777 @lostvillainess

General Taglist 

@ncsls0515 @stevesmunsons @reidsbookclub @sweetyyhippyy @manuosorioh @mrs-dr-reid @k-k0129 @squishyturtle @katsukis1wife @buckleyhans @mrs-ssa-hotch @ssavanessa22

[sageryuri]

I’LL TAKE CARE OF YOU, KIM SEONWOO.

pairing kim seonwoo + reader.

genre fluff.

summary you’re feeling extremely under the weather, and you’re also the only person sunoo can deal with for longer than an hour.

word count 0.6k

warnings apart from some sickness, all good

an i don’t usually read anything for sunoo but he’s such a sweet boy and deserves so much more appreciation than he gets :(

You're sure your body is beginning to overheat at this point. All day, your temperature has been through the roof and you can barely bring yourself to lift your body from your bed.

Dramatically, you had been moving positions every five minutes; lying on your back, sprawling out, curled up into a ball — but none of them were able to subdue the pain that you were feeling.

When you hear a knock on your door, you sigh and wrap yourself deeper into the duvet. Today was not the day for visitors and you had no planned arrivals, so you imagined it was nothing important. The door goes again, though you continue to ignore it due to how weak you were feeling, the aches in your body would only worsen if you decided to stand up.

Then, your phone rings.

"Hello..." Your voice cracks through the phone since you had hardly said a word all day, causing you to cringe at yourself. You hadn't even looked at the called ID, so you had hoped it was someone you were close with.

"Why do you never answer your door? I've been waiting for almost five minutes! Are you okay?" Sunoo's voice makes you feel the slightest bit better immediately, even though he's already judging you through the phone.

"I'm sick. Like- really, really sick. I can barely move, sorry for not coming to the door." You let out a small, rough cough, "You have a key, why didn't you just open the door?"

"I left it at the dorms by accident because Jay and Sunghoon were being idiots. I thought I'd come here since I prefer your company over theirs. You should have told me you were sick, I would have brought some medicine and soup." His voice becomes more concerned after learning about your illness.

You shake your head in response despite the face he was unable to see you.

"I don't want you to get sick, Sun. I would have rather you stayed at the dorms and deal with their shit instead." You reply, standing up from your bed with great persistence as you walk towards your mirror.

Sunoo doesn't care what you look like because he'll love you all the same even if you look a mess. Though, you do this for your own dignity, brushing your hair and teeth before you let him in your home.

"I'd much rather be sick with you than spend another minute with them when they've had too much sugar. Now, let me in. I'll look after you until you're feeling better." The softness in his speaking when he diverts the conversation to your sickness makes your heart swell happily.

When you open the door, he pouts at the sight of you. He enters your home, grabbing your hand and pulls you back into your bedroom and makes you get back into your bed. Sunoo doesn't say much, he leaves you in your room and disappears for at least half an hour.

Too tired to check on him, you fall into a deep sleep.

Meanwhile, Sunoo is cooking up a storm in your kitchen. He asks Jay for help on a phone call, receiving specific instructions in order to provide the best medicinal soup that was ever made, just for you.

Due to your stuffy nose, you can barely smell so you're still fast asleep when he comes up to your room holding a bowl of freshly made soup. He places it slowly onto the desk table and sits next to you on your bed, hands threading through the hair on your scalp.

He watches the way your chest rises, the slight pout on your pretty lips, and decides he wouldn’t mind letting you sleep for a little while longer.

[jillsandwhichs]

Golden

Cleon Fanfiction, Chap 2 , Expansion is abloom

Masterlist

Pairing: Claire Redfield & Leon Kennedy

Summary: Leon picks Claire up for dinner and they discuss some things of importance

WC: 4.5k

Type: SFW

A/n: Hi! Hope you all enjoy. Please check out my masterlist, there's a lot of stuff there. You can get to know me, you can see the rules of my blog and then you can see all of my fanfictions. You'll be able to find the previous chapters to this fic and upcoming ones. You'll also be able to find my Wattpad & AO3. Comments, reblogs & likes are appreciated. Thank you

Over the course of the past couple day's, Leon and Claire have been speaking via email and number. For Claire, it's been hard. Trusting Leon was something she thought she could always count on. She's doesn't completely trust him now. What does he even have to hide? He's acting like he'll get assassinated if he gives her the chip. His whole "I can't tell you about it!" Stick is getting old and she just wants to get to the bottom of it.

As for Leon, he's his normal oblivious self. Maybe it's because Claire hides her feelings so well, but he thinks she's doing just dandy. Of course, he feels guilt for the fact he has yet to give her the chip; That's if he ever even does. Little does she know, it is truly for her safety, and for his, the President's, etc.. She doesn't work for the D.S.O therefore it's so surprise she doesn't fully understand. There's a chance she may never will.

For both sides, they believe they're in the right. Classic.

Although, tonight's events are much different. Claire agreed to finally go on a dinner 'date' with Leon. Ever since he sort of 'pitched' the offer the last time they seen one another, they've both been clearly thinking about it. Claire wants to do it for the food and learning more about Leon and his line of work, maybe that way she can find a hole in his words. Leon just wants to go out, and it just so happens to be with her. Claire is a sweet girl, they've known one another for some time now, so why the hell not?

It's about to enter the time of evening, Claire is spending the last remaining minutes before he arrives to pick her up just touching up on her makeup. She didn't go all out, she never does, it's beautifully bland. She's only wearing mascara, light blush and some lip tint. How come women have to be the ones to get all pretty for the men? Claire's always hated it. Her mascara causes her eyes to pop out more, her blush being a rosey color and her lip tint making the shape more prominent. She'd say she looks lovely.

And for attire, she's also keeping it classy. All she's wearing is a light, flowy beige blouse with mom jeans. It was quite the combo. Her shoes were just boot heels, ones she's never even worn. Her deep amber hair is slicked up into a ponytail, looking gorgeous per usual.

Claire has confidence in her appearance. She's never viewed herself as 'ugly', no, she believes everybody has some beauty to them. What truly makes a person ugly is what's inside - Their soul, their morality. For example, Claire thinks Leon is ugly right now! Of course, he's not actually. Claire thinks it's some sort of phase. He's truly handsome. Ever since R.C he's had this golden aura to him. He's a sweet guy just strolling down the wrong path it seems.

Leon said he plans to take her to some fancy restaurant in the city. She's nervous about it. Not only that, awkwardness will be present, most likely. It seems there's been a collision in their relationship, a dent in you will, that'll take time to reform. Claire just doesn't know how much time.

Claire was elated with the fact she'd be able to go out today. Dinner near the center of the city will be lovely. Leon's always been a city boy, her more countryside, so it's nice to switch it up every once in awhile. Although, Claire is originally from New York with her eldest brother, Chris. But once they moved to R.C before it blew up, they never even traveled back to the state. Now Claire is living here and Leon just so happens to live nearby as well.

She slipped her shoes on, tying the black laces attached to them. She definitely has to break these bad boys in, she has had yet to wear them. All she remembers is ordering them offline a few weeks ago. They're cute, but very specific attire for certain occasions. Claire also hasn't been on a 'date' in forever. She doesn't even know if this should be considered a date. It's not necessarily meant for romantic intent, but then again, is that how Leon feels too? Maybe for now she'll think of it as a friendly date.

Just so she would have the time, Claire went all throughout her house, switching off all of the lights and blowing out each candle. She doesn't want her bills to sky rocket and for her home to burn straight down. Plus, she has no clue how long they'll be out together, most likely a while.

But until Leon even arrives, which shouldn't be too long, Claire plans to just double check everything and chillax.

-

Only seconds after Claire was able to finally take a seat, the front door was being knocked on. It sounded loud, but that was due to a large lack of furniture in the house. Claire doesn't have much, she spends most of her time on missions anyways. "Coming!" Claire yelled, standing up and quickly recuperating herself. She adjusted her hair, wiped down her outfit, just making sure she looks nice.

She opened the front door, a tall and lean Leon was standing right before her. He was wearing his usual clothing, only difference is that his clothes looked a bit more expensive than usual. "Hey," He smirked at her. "You look great." Leon chuckled. Claire felt her body heat go rapidly up when he said that. It's like he can captivate any woman under his spell. "Thank you. You look nice too." Claire responded, clutching her purse closer to her.

"Why're you bringing that? Claire, I'll be paying for you, put that away." Leon stated, referencing her purse. Wow, he could be such a gentleman. It's too bad he's an ass sometimes. "Are you sure?" "Very, put it down." Claire bit her lower lip discreetly as she leisurely put the purse down onto the table pushed against the wall. She would usually set her purse, keys and other tedious items down onto it.

"Ready?" "Ready."

Leon pulled open the car door for her. Immediately, Claire could feel the cooling air releasing from the AC; Her damned AC didn't even work. It's not false to believe Leon is more wealthy than her, hell, he works for a high governmental agency. That's really all she knows.

Claire sat down, fixating herself to become more comfortable. The black leather of the cars seat felt plush & plump against her body, making her ease in easier. The music playing from the radio was quiet, but she could tell it was an ACDC song. She's well aware that her and Leon share somewhat of the same musical pallette, it's one thing they've bonded over once or twice.

He also eventually got into the car, adjusting himself just as Claire did. "Seatbelts on." He sounded like a father speaking to his children. With a small giggle, Claire pulled the strap over her chest, pressing it into it's holder. Leon began to pull out of her long driveway. Claire lives in the more subtle side of town, the woods if you will. It takes a couple seconds to fully get up to her house via off the road. She prefers the quiet life over the rowdy one.

"So, what's the restaurant you plan to take me too? You were never specific besides it being in the city." "Oh, you're right. The Pearl, that is where." He officially stated, his eyes occasionally taking looks at Claire as he drove down the street. "Never been there." "I'm a regular, I already have spots reserved for us too." Leon added on. Well, wasn't he just on top of everything? "Sounds great."

The Pearl is a very fancy, elegant and expensive. The wealthiest of the rich go there. To Claire, it isn't much of a surprise that Leon is a regular. Just the outside of the restaurant is that of high taste. Usually, she just orders takeout or goes to an outlet restaurant. The ones downtown are to die for, but none of them are expensive. They have that homey, cozy look to them and always taste so good, even for being on the cheaper side. As for the Pearl, it is smack dab in the city, lights are flashing all around it too. It gives of Casino vibes but nope, just a place you can eat at.

Claire twisted her head to gaze outside of the car window. On said window, there were marks and faded finger prints. It was foggy out - Rather gloomy. The night was still young though, and will remain that way for quite a bit. In the city, the night is even more lively than the day usually is. Claire won't be very surprised if there are tons of people roaming the center of town, and if there are a good chunk of customers at the restaurant.

"Are you comfortable? Too cold? Want some music?" "Uh, no thank you, Leon, I am fine." Claire reassured him. She was fine. Plain Jane just that. She wasn't happy. Maybe the night ahead will change that for her. She'll demand a real answer from Leon tonight; She yearns for one. Leon can't keep the reasoning behind not giving her the chip forever. If it was up to her, she would have interrogated him way sooner. But alas, I'll just have to do it for dinner, in a positive manner though, no need to cause a dispute.

"Just so I know before we get there, is there any chance you'll be drinking tonight? Like wine or champagne?" "I don't plan to." Claire replied, her voice low and soft as ever. "That's right, you never really drink, so you?" "Rarely, depends on the occasion." "Why not this occasion?" "Because..." Claire gave no reasoning; Leon was left curious and full with his thoughts.

His hand reached down to the volume, turning it up a little bit. Claire didn't recognize the song that was now playing, but she liked the tune of it. It had a nice calming, soothing feel to it. It was one of those songs you could fall asleep too with some earbuds in. Claire simply rested her head against the leather seat, her hands in her lap and her eyes focused on the outside world as they passed it by quickly through his car.

-

Eventually, Leon pulled into the parking lot and parked his car diagonally, letting out a sough when he did. His dark and torched eyes took a glance at Claire, his lips curling slightly. "Let's head on in." He grunted, opening up his side door, Claire doing the exact same. The immediate night breeze hit Claire like an anvil, causing the loose strands of hair sticking out from her ponytail to blow against her face. Leon made way towards her, making sure to help her across the street.

Claire was right though, the streets are packed full of people. At this time, in this part of the city, everyone was here, even children who probably have school tomorrow. In the center of the square, there is a large water fountain, coins dazzling at the bottom of it, one to many have made a wish. And on the outskirts, there are tons upon tons of stores and cafés for people to visit.

This was definitely the most busiest part of town.

Two men standing outside of the restaurant opened up both pullable doors for Leon and Claire, allowing the couple to enter inside of the restaurant. Claire soon got the smell of delicious food roaming up into her nostrils; She could practically taste the food herself. Right beside where they both stood, a hostess took Leon's jacket for him, hanging it up onto a clothing rack for him to retrieve later.

"Table for two, under Kennedy." Leon mumbled to the worker, his hands in his pockets. Claire just kept to herself, standing a foot or two away from Leon, having her arms crossed against her front. The hostess gave Leon a nod and pointed at a fine table over in the corner of the restaurant, near one of the larger windows that had a classy chandelier right above it, it's light casting down onto it. It was a nice little area.

The two of them took a seat, their eyes catching ganders of one another whilst doing so. Claire sat on the other side of the wall whereas Leon was against it. This is good. And only a few seconds after they took their seats, a new hostess came by and handed them two menus. "Take all the time you need." Was all she said before treading off to her next table. "They're rarely that quick." Leon chuckled, picking up his menu. "I think I already know what I'll be getting so please, take your time and look at what you want, Claire." He said with his regular deep tone.

Of course he already knows what he wants.

"Okay." Claire whispered, taking the menu in hand and begining to scan it. Everything on the menu was so pricy, just as she suspected. She honestly felt bad even ordering anything but then again, Leon did chose to take her here. "Wow, there is so much to choose from." Claire chuckled, biting her inner cheek. Leon's eyes fixated on her, watching her face as she took in all of what's on the menu. "Yeah... Pick whatever you'd like though, okay? Nothing on the menu is restricted." He assured her kindly. Claire liked that about him.

There was a lot to choose from. There was Alfredo, Steak, Shrimp dishes and even meals that were from all around the world and cultural.

Ultimately though, Claire decided on mushroom ravioli with sauteed green beans on the side. It wasn't very expensive and actually looked yummy.

"You sure that's what you want?" "Yes, I am." Claire nodded, setting her menu on top of Leon's. "What do you want to drink? Water? Soda?" "I'll probably just have water." "Me too then." Leon replied with a smile, looking back down. Claire was correct about her senses earlier, this did feel a little off - Awkward even. Claire's never felt awkward around Leon so this is completely new to her. If only he would've give up the fucking chip.

"Leon..." Claire began, "You need to tell me why exactly I can't have the chip..." "Claire." Leon groaned. "Why can't we just have a nice dinner? No need to ruin it." "Ruin it?" Claire spat out, causing some other people to look over her way. An embarrassed look washed over her but Leon quickly diverted her attention. "Okay, wrong use of the word. What I mean is, I just want to have a pleasant time with you without worrying about the chip." "I feel differently." "Elaborate." Leon hummed out to her, sliding back in the black chair.

"Leon, I don't like the fact you're hiding something from me, I mean, don't you trust me?" Claire pleaded out, upset she's made the entire situation more awkward than it was before. "Claire, you know I trust you, c'mon now." Leon laughed softly, "It's just... There's more than meets the eye and I don't know how well you'd handle the info." "Greatly." "It's easier said than done." He finally stated, his voice a bit more demanding now. Claire knew she should back down before an even bigger scene is caused.

Why can't he just be honest with her?

A waiter came over with a digital pad in his hands, ready to take their orders.

"Firstly, what can I get to drink for the two of you?" "Just two sparkling waters." Leon said friendly to the worker. "Got it... And have you guys decided on your meals?" "We have. The beef wellington meal and the creamy mushroom ravioli meal, please." Leon handed both menus to the man, in which he took gracefully. "Okay, great choices, should have those out shortly." The worker commented, giving the couple a smile before ambling off wards.

Claire rolled her eyes, just wanting to be home now. Her nerves were making her feel as if she was going to puke at any given moment. "I'm sorry Claire. There's just not much I can do for you." "It's whatever Leon, I give up." Claire heaved out, her eyes staring outside of the large window, the massive city being flashed directly outside of it. People walking, billboards shining, performers performing... It was all so lively and in a way, it lifted her spirits.

"Hey, I promised you I'll eventually release some information, I'm not standing you up on that. But seriously Claire, you cannot push this. It takes time." "I know... Guess I just show more sympathy than most, hm?" "I actually agree with you on that, you're a wonderful, kind and selfless girl. I admire your efforts but there truly isn't much else I can do yet, okay?" Oh how convincing and sweet he sounded when saying that. Claire does get it but that doesn't mean she's not going to be upset with him.

"Alright fine, fine." Claire tossed her hands up in defeat playfully. "I trust you'll hold up your end of the 'deal'." She responded. "Thank you, you're a smart girl." Leon teased. She really is though.

The waiter came back with two glasses full of sparkling water. He set both glasses down, one in front of Leon and one in front of Claire. "Thanks." Claire gave the worker a slight nod, the worker getting her one back before treading off. "Never had sparkling water before..." She picked up the glass, sniffing it before drinking some of it. Surprisingly, it didn't taste all that different, it has a sweet tang to it. "You like it?" "It's not bad." Claire responded, setting it back down again.

"Our food should be here soon, is there anything you wanna do afterwards?" "What do you mean?" "Y'know, take a talk, head down to the dock or I can just take you home... Whatever you want." "We'll see." Claire shook her head whilst giggling. "Good." He uttered out, leaning up more now. "Any plans for the upcoming weekend?" "Visit Chris and clean my house," Claire snickered, "You?" "Similar. Definitely clean up a bit but I also plan to get a new gym membership, the one near the mall is closing down." "Sucks to hear, but at least there are like thirty in the city." Claire let out a breathless laugh, along with Leon. "You aren't wrong there."

"I usually just work out at home, in the backyard." "Get in touch with your chakra?" Claire laughed at his remark, 'chakra', sure. "You're funny Leon." "So I've been told." He shrugged whilst raising his eyebrows in a cocky, egotistical way, but he was clearly just joking around with her. "I do Yoga too though, guess I am a little spiritual." She played along. "You gonna get some tarot cards next? Spread sage around the house?" "I actually do the sage thing already, so hah." Claire puckered her lips cutely. "Course you do." Leon huffed out.

Eventually, whilst the two were speaking, a waiter, a new one, came back with their dishes. Claire was enthralled with the fact they have so many employees working all at once. Despite the restaurant being so fancy, it wasn't as big as you'd think. Same size as an Olive Garden and a half. "Thank you, Sir." Leon said kindly, making sure their orders were both right. "No problem, enjoy." He walked off, going to the table behind them.

Claire took a look at her meal, a spout of water forming as a pool in her mouth. It smelt amazing. Steam was still tracing into the air and off of the food, it was straight up fresh. "Looks so great." Claire complimented the works of whomever made her food. The Ravioli looks wonderful and she can tell, despite there only being four, bigger sized raviolis, that she'll be full; There is even a basil leaf on the top of the centered one.

The sauteed green beans look delicious too. Just by the smell, she could tell they were cooked in garlic, which to her, smells exquisite. She was also happy they didn't give her the chunky, long beans and rather the smaller, wrinkly ones; They always have more flavor to them.

Claire took a glance at Leons food and it looked tasty as well. She recalled he did order the beef wellington meal.

"Both look good." Leon voiced lowly, taking his fork and digging right in, Claire doing the same; She is immensely hungry.

The first bite was so heavenly. It felt like the meat was just melting in her mouth. The mushroom taste also wasn't very strong, it was just a tint and it was perfect. She also took a quick nibble of a string of green bean, the flavors all bursting in her mouth. "Wow, better than anything I've had in awhile." Claire nodded, clearly chipper with her order. Growing up, Claire was a simple gal - A burger with fries. That was always her order. Chris always teased her about it. Then again, Chris always orders Pizza so he should shut up!

"How's your food, Leon?" "Amazing, as always. I see you're enjoying yours." "Very much." She giggled, taking yet another bite and washing it down with the cool water. Claire was enjoying this night moreso than she was earlier. She's upset with Leon, sure, but as long as he keeps his promise and eventually releases some helpful information, that'll do it for her. "Do you really promise?" "What?" "Do you really promise that you'll eventually release some info?" "I swear on my life." Leon spoke softly to her, but differently than usual. His tone was so serious but in a gentle way.

She's putting complete faith in Leon. He'll go through with it. She just knows it.

"We can change the subject for good now, but we can discuss it another day." "Agreed." Leon nodded, taking another bite from his plate. Claire didn't really know what to talk about though, a tinge of uncomfortablity still within her. "After I go home tonight, what do you plan to do?" "Workout a little, then sleep, I have a big day ahead of me tomorrow." "Oh, what's happening tomorrow?" Claire wondered aloud. "I have to investigate somewhere out East, shouldn't be gone too long." "I see... Well, I wish you the best of luck." "Thanks Claire." Leon shot her a grin.

He once again seemed quite vague with his answers, she didn't really know what to think of it honestly. "Do you know what you'll be doing specifically?" "Not really, just that I'm being sent out East and that I have to meet with some people for further instructions. Graham said he'll give me more intel soon." "Well, that's good for you." Claire cooed to him, eating more of her food. She was really enjoying the food itself. It was delicious. Great descion on Leon's end to take her here.

Claire leaned back in her chair, setting her hand over her stomach and letting out a cute noise - Like a groan. Leon looked up at her from his plate and let out a chortle, "You gettin full?" "Little bit." Claire giggled, sitting back up and hastely taking another bite of her beans. "You eat slower, therefore you'll get fuller easier." "That a fact?" "It is." Leon stated softly, sipping his beverage. "Guess I never knew that... The more you know!" Claire chuckled. "Does this place allow you to take your unfinished meals home?" "They sure do... Just let me finish up mine, then we'll play it by ear, sure?" "Sure Leon." Claire nodded swiftly, allowing him to continue dining.

She was quite full. The dinner was excellent, tasted better than any dish she's had in some time. She'll definitely have to come here again, maybe when taxes come in. While she does live alone and only has herself to support, she still doesn't really have the money like Leon does. Maybe he's just smarter with his cash though. He has mentioned before how much he tends to save money rather than spend it. Claire supposes that smarter to do but for her, it's easier said than done.

It was hard to peel her eyes away from Leon. He didn't even notice her admiring him. He looks handsome while he's just doing the most normal things. Claire was boy crazed in College, sure, but as she got older, she controlled it so much better. She doesn't tend to think of men the way she thinks of Leon - Loyal, Noble, Kind and Caring. All of the above. Most men to her are belittling and selfish... It's rare to find good ones it seems. Leon is just one of a kind, she hates how their relationship has been lately.

Once Leon finished his food, he stacked the plates along with their empty glasses, pushing them to the side to make the waitresses jobs easier. He was also able to obtain a takeout box for Claire, which she was evidently grateful for. He also carried it out for her, such a kind man.

The two of them reached his car, but Claire stopped in her tracks, watching Leon as he hadn't even took notice of her sudden halt. He set her food in the car, expecting her to be right beside him, but she was a few feet away. "What's wrong?" Leon said softly, instantly going up to her. Claire looked down at her feet, her boot heels were in contrast of his black dress shoes. "I just feel bad for how I've been the past week." She began. "I've been mean to you, just nasty, you know that's not how I am Leon, I just want to help people." She whispered with tranquility.

She felt his smooth hands, both of them, cup her thin face, tilting her upwards to look at him. "Hey, you've done nothing wrong." He reassured her. "I know where you've been coming from and you've had absolutely every right to act out, okay Claire?" Leon then wrapped his arms around her neck, her face nestling against his chest. Claire hooked her lanky yet built arms around his torso, embracing him lovingly. Yeah, she seriously needed this.

She could feel herself wanting to break, the blueness overcoming her. Being held by Leon was a feeling she's never got to feel outside of it being to say goodbye and even then, it maybe lasted no more than three seconds. She could feel his hefty hand stroking her hair, his chin on top of her head as well. His comforting touch was just so meaningful to her. Feeling him against her was one of the best feelings she's had in so long. It's like he's a cure.

"I'll do better." "You're okay." Leon hummed, then pulling away.

Claire blew out, scratching the top of her head. "You okay?" "I'm fine now, thank you Leon." "Anything for you, Red." Leon uncupped her face, slowing walking backwards. "How about I take you home now? You need to rest up." "That would be great." Claire cackled, making her way to the passenger side door.

[distantlaughter]

"You have to try to have fun"

originally published 15 January 2004 for Auto Bild Motorsport (x)

His childhood, his second Formula 1 test for BMW-Williams, his growing popularity – Nico Rosberg (18) speaks plainly.

AUTO BILD motorsport: In December you tested for BMW-Williams for the second time. What's it like to drive a Formula 1 car?

Nico Rosberg: The first time, I thought, how long do you need to push this pedal down on the straight? It must be such a hell of a thing. But the bottom line is that you immediately go full throttle. All race cars are similar in terms of handling. You just have to get used to the power. All race cars are similar in terms of handling. You just have to get used to the power. But that's not a big problem. What takes more time is realizing the speed. Everything comes at you so fast. That demands concentration. Then you have to develop a feeling for the brakes. When you step into it, it's like running into a wall. It's difficult to feel when the wheels lock.

Were you nervous?

Yes, because I knew that something was at stake. It's a huge opportunity. In addition, I had a competitor (Nelson Piquet Jr.) who I had to beat.

How did you deal with each other?

The first day he drove, everything was fine. That was the first time we ever spoke to each other. The next day I drove faster than he did. After that, we hardly exchanged a word.

How did you prepare for this important day?

My father gave me one tip: You have to try to have fun and out comes what comes out. That's how I tried to do it.

If your talent was only mediocre, would you still keep racing?

Success is already a big part of my enjoyment of motorsport. I don't know how long I would continue without success.

Has your popularity changed in the last two years?

Oh yes. Especially in Finland it has become funny. I'm very well known there. I get in a cab there and the driver says, "Hi Nico, I named my son after you because I was a big fan of your father." That's a nice feeling, but it's also scary. When I walk around there in the department store, even the men look at me. And that's despite the fact that I don't speak Finnish and I feel like a German (mother Sina is German, editor's note).

What was your funniest encounter with your fans?

Recently in Finland, there were three girls, I saw them four, five times in the department store in half an hour. Then they came up to me and said, "Hi, we're exchange students from Germany. We know you from TV, from VIVA." That was awesome.

How does your father help you?

He didn't help me much when I was racing. That doesn't really work. From the outside, no one can teach the person sitting in the car how to drive fast.

How did you grow up - like the son of ex-Formula 1 world champion Keke Rosberg or like a normal child?

I was lucky enough to grow up in a well-off family. And: We lived in Monaco. That makes a lot of things different. But otherwise I grew up like a normal child. I went to school, then I had to do my homework. Then I went to the beach to play soccer.

You went to an international school, didn't you?

Yes, that's the advantage of living in Monaco. German is my mother tongue. I learned English and French at school. All my friends were Italian, so I learned that language, too.

Why don't you speak Finnish?

My father was never there (laughs), so he couldn't pay attention to it. I don't understand a word either.

Were you already good at sports as a child?

Yes, especially in ball sports, soccer and tennis. That was a lot of fun for me. When I was ten or eleven years old and lost to my father in tennis, I burst into tears. That was cruel. After that, we didn't talk to each other for two days. Then we played again - with the same result. Even today I'm still totally ambitious. I don't want anyone to beat me. (laughs) Sometimes friends get upset because I'm a bit extreme.

You've been racing for eight years and missed a lot of school, but you were still a good student…

Because I want to do the best in everything that's important to me. My parents never had to say much. That always came from myself. I don't know if it's because of the competitive spirit. In any case, I was very good at school.

Did you ever doubt that you could live up to the expectations attached to the name Rosberg?

It's not an easy task to live up to the name. But I believe I can manage to get as far as my father did back then.

Do you have an aggressive side?

Yes. You can see it especially when I play football. That's when everyone goes flying right and left. (laughs) I'm more of a defender, although I'd love to play striker. But I'm not so good at scoring goals.

What does a racing driver need?

Intelligence. That's very important these days. Not only in driving, but also in tuning and developing the car. My impression was that there are almost unlimited possibilities there.

What do you think of Kimi Räikkönen?

He's a very good driver. What I like about Kimi is that when you ask him about his opponent, he doesn't mention a name. He doesn't care which opponent it is. I try to do that a little bit now, too. I thought that was really good. You shouldn't praise opponents. But since I'm still a long way from Formula 1, I can say that he's really good.

Have you had any serious accidents?

In Macau at the Formula 3 Grand Prix I had two big accidents for the first time. Once I crashed into the barriers at 110 mph. The second time was when Pierre Kaffer was right in front of me. I couldn't avoid him, flew over him and landed on the roof. I was hanging in there like a monkey, upside down, hearing the entire field racing past me. That's when I started to get a little scared. I just thought, if someone flies into me now…

What is your understanding of technology?

In 2002 in Formula BMW, I got in, stepped on the gas, got out and enjoyed the time. I've changed since the first Formula 1 test (December 2002). I've grown up, I've seen that you can do even more for it. Now I know how much I want to do that.

What are your private interests?

I now have a girlfriend in Hamburg. Then I'm a sports freak. I simply had to become a sportsman. If racing hadn't worked out, I probably would have become a soccer player.

Is your girlfriend interested in racing?

She has no idea about it and didn't even know I was doing it. We met in Ibiza. I think it's better that way, too. My classmates used to ask me after every race weekend how it was. Even if they had no idea about motorsport. They identified me with racing. That annoyed me.

You are very enthusiastic. Do you sometimes have to stop yourself from cheering or does the rest of the world not matter to you then?

Absolutely nothing at all! You'd have to hear me in the car when I've won. That's awesome. I can't hold myself back. I'm just screaming. I can get so happy about wins. Having success in motorsport is one of the best things for me. But then there are moments that are cruel. You're slow and you don't know why. They can be mistakes that you only find weeks later. It's important then not to doubt yourself. That's not always easy. I could do without that.

[pwlanier]

Today in Great Lakes shipping history, May 8th

2023 : remembrances continue to pour in for the Edmund Fitzgerald and Gordon Lightfoot.

‘The ship sank all over again’: Families of victims in wreck recall Gordon Lightfoot

Darren Muljo was in elementary school when his teacher asked the students in his class to pick a song they wanted to learn to play.

Muljo, now 52, chose the 1976 song “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” by legendary Canadian folk musician Gordon Lightfoot.

Muljo’s mother, Cheryl Rozman, first introduced him to the six-minute-long folk ballad, which chronicles the demise of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

The ship sank in Lake Superior near Whitefish Point, Mich., during a storm on Nov. 10, 1975. All 29 crewmen on board died.

One of those men was Muljo’s grandfather, Ransom Cundy, a watchman on the ship.

At the time, Muljo was too young to fully understand the significance of the song for the families. But in the years since, it has cemented a bond between them that has lasted decades.

“Gordon Lightfoot’s imprint on the healing process for the families cannot be (overstated), especially when he made it a point to develop a personal connection with many of them,” Muljo said in a phone interview from Melbourne, Fla.

As word got out of Lightfoot’s death Monday, relatives of the ship’s crew began reaching out by phone and social media to share stories of the singer-songwriter, whom many referred to as an honorary family member.

“When I first heard the news, it went through me like the ship sank all over again,” Deborah Champeau said by phone from Nashotah, Wis.

“Gordon is a part of our family. I really respected what he stood for and that he took the time and the effort to spend time with us.”

Champeau was 17 when her father died. Oliver (Buck) Champeau was a third assistant engineer on the Great Lakes ore freighter.

Lightfoot sent a letter to Deborah Champeau offering his sympathies and explained that he wrote the song to shed light on the lack of safety measures in place for vessels at that time and the consequences that can come from that.

“It was very hard in the beginning to listen to the words,” said Champeau, 65.

“Through the years I have embraced it, and I’m glad he did write it and took the time to bring that awareness.”

Lightfoot would often read newspapers and watch newscasts, which provided fodder for his deeply autobiographical storytelling.

He was inspired to write “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” after reading a Newsweek article.

Though some elements of the song deviated from the disaster, Lightfoot was adamant in writing lyrics as accurate as could be.

It was also important to him to speak with surviving family members.

Muljo’s mother was initially upset when she first caught wind about the song. This changed after she listened to it and came to understand the respect and honour in which Lightfoot portrayed the men and that perilous night, said Muljo.

Lightfoot would go on to form a personal connection with the families that resulted in a number of visits over the last half-century and unlimited access to backstage passes at his concerts.

Pam Johnson, 71, met Lightfoot about 10 times.

Johnson reached out to the singer shortly after the song came out. She was living in Germany when her mom called to say Lightfoot had written a song about the wreck. Her father, Robert Rafferty, was a cook on the ship.

Johnson was at a club with her husband when she first heard the track.

“It was emotional for me,” she said. “It’s a privilege and an honour for a man of his talent to speak of my dad. I’ve always been proud of that.”

In 2015, Lightfoot joined families at the Great Lakes Shipwreck Museum in Whitefish Point for the 40th anniversary of the shipwreck.

Corey Adkins, content director for the museum, recalled Lightfoot arriving a day early to enjoy some quiet time with the families.

The museum is home to the ship’s 90-kilogram bronze bell, which was recovered in 1995. Lightfoot’s song can be heard as visitors take in the exhibit.

Adkins said the song opened the door for other stories to be told.

“That song did a lot for the maritime community, as far as shipwrecks and remembering people who perished on shipwrecks go.”

Champeau is preparing for a more sombre anniversary at Whitefish Point this year but said the legend lives on — referencing the first line of the song that immortalized the crew.

“Boy, there’s a hell of a concert going on up in heaven. The men are waiting to embrace him.”

Boat Nerd

[bee-saucee]

5 Things Shinsou & Kaminari Can't Live Without | GQ

Warnings for mentions of sexual content and ShinKami! This is supposed to be like GQ's 10 things blank live without videos. I used to love watching these in high school and thought it would be fun to write a version with Shinsou and Kaminari! 10 felt like too much for each of them, so I went with 5 each. It's as if they filmed two separate videos back to back. Enjoy!

“I managed to get my husband to drink some of this coffee without a pound of sugar in it and he almost liked it which I think speaks for its impeccable flavor and quality itself.”

*Intro*

“Hello GQ, my name is Hitoshi Shinsou, and today I'll be sharing five pretty important things to me.”

Essential one: Organic cat food

“So, this is really more of an essential for my spoiled kittens, but being a good parent to my cats is what keeps me mentally stable, so I’m counting it. My husband Denki and I are trying to eat more clean and so naturally our cats have to as well. When I saw all of the preservatives and fake shit in the old cat food brand we had, I instantly knew we had to switch. So after some research and testing out different brands on our little guys, Tender and True Organic Cat Food is the pick. They also raise their cage-free chickens humanely so it was a must.”

Essential two: Hand balm

“My dad actually put me on to this one. We’re both pro heroes and we both use capture scarves, but it can leave me with lots of cuts, calluses, and rug burn if I’m using it a lot. I’ve been training with him since high school and I knew that I accepted him as my adoptive father the moment he shared this hand balm with me. He actually gets it specially made by our old school nurse so this is some top secret stuff. She formulated it to heal any problems we might have with our hands. I keep telling her she needs to patent this shit or something and sell it en masse, but she’s currently bent on just making vats of it for my father and I. She also refuses pay, but she loves peach tarts so we always bring her enough to feed a small village when we pick some up.”

Essential three: Stoneware mug

“So I’m very much into coffee. And one thing I’ve come to learn after years of drinking way too much of it is that drinking coffee isn’t just about what’s in the cup, but the entire experience. A large part of said experience is the cup itself. It changes the taste and there are even psychological influences with colors and such.”

“I’ve been building up a collection of different mugs of various types to properly suit the coffee drinking experience I want at any given time, but I really just wanted a mug that felt right for me. The right width and height, handle, material, all that. So I knew what I wanted, but when I went searching I could not find the right mug to save my life."

"I wind up mentioning my mug debacle on Twitter and one of my fans reaches out to me and they say ‘hey, I make pottery, I can custom make you mugs.’ You can imagine my excitement. So we talk, meet up, and they essentially fit this mug to my hand and all of my desired specifications. I commission them to make me a few of these stoneware mugs and they all have customized drawings on them. Like this one has our cats on it. I also had them make one for Denks. It has a chicken on it. Whenever I make him hot chocolate in the morning and hand it to him in that mug he’s like ‘oh fuuucckk, it’s a chicken mug day?!?!’ That means it’s gonna be a good day to him.”

Essential four: Coffee

“Bet you couldn’t see this one coming. I usually work nights but have to be quite alert so coffee is my stimulant of choice. I decided I’d use my status as a pro hero for personal gain and create and sell my perfect cup of coffee. It’s fair trade, organic, comes in three different flavors and has…a lot of caffeine. One of the best things about having my own coffee brand is that I get to try a shit ton of samples and get on PR lists for different coffee companies. Needless to say our home always smells like coffee.”

Essential five: Animal crackers

I don’t really know how this started. But I’m thoroughly addicted to animal crackers. Specifically, the ones that come in the red box that looks like a little circus train car or whatever it’s supposed to be. It is the most boring yet immaculate snack food that has ever graced this planet. Whenever we go grocery shopping, I pick up 12 of these without fail. Denki is into the frosted ones now too and he always tells a story where our graham crackers fall in love before meeting a horrific end in our stomach acid. It started out being reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet but has morphed into being more akin to that movie featuring both Godzilla and King Kong framed as a tragic love story.”

“So those are my top five essentials exclusive of items necessary for basic human survival and well-being such as food, water, and shelter. Thanks for spending some time with me today.”

---

“I kind of had a breakdown before coming here because I have way more than five favorite things. I shit you not, I had a tear forming in my eyeball because I had to leave behind my giant corn plushie. A complete and total tragedy for real.”

“Sup GQ?! It’s stun gun hero, Chargebolt but you can call me Denki. Today I’m gonna be showing you five of my most favorite things on the entire planet. Let’s rock and roll!”

*Intro*

Essential one: Chokers

“I couldn’t not talk about chokers. I love them so much. There’s just something about them that is so sexy but also badass. Like, please, look at my throat and wish you could bite it, you know? I like to switch up what choker I wear with my hero costume, but I also wear them when I’m off the clock. My husband Hitoshi, who by the way just did his interview and did such a good job your life will actually be ruined if you don’t watch his essential video too, likes to take me to concerts a lot so you know I’m pulling up in a choker every time. I even have this lacey one which I only wear when I’m really feeling my oats. So if you see me out wearing my lace choker you know it’s a super confident Denki day.”

Essential two: Lube

The lace choker thing was really to prep your mind for talking about lube because we gotta talk about fucking lube. There is something that is just so special and refined and intimate about having good, quality lube. I’m not just saying this because she’s a friend, but Midnight has a line of really high-quality lube. Don’t get me wrong, Toshi is good at sex but I swear whenever we use this stuff my soul leaves my body. So please, use lube and treat yourself to a really good quality lube. Miss Midnight even has flavored lube, so stop sleeping on it and pop that shiz in your cart.”

“This is also your regular sexual health reminder. Wrap it before you tap it, use dental dams or a properly cut condom when in a pinch, never use spit, and regularly get tested, alright, babes?”

Essential three: Bose SoundLink system

I’m always listening to something and I just really love music so I can appreciate a good speaker system. Toshi’s papa got us a whole set of these nice nice Bose SoundLink speakers that all sync up as a wedding gift. And you guys. Life changing experience for me and my little ears. When I am listening to music on speakers, a lot of the time I’m doing something where I’m moving between rooms like cleaning, chasing my husband around, dancing, all that. We have one in pretty much every room so the transition is seamless and Bose speakers are really good so I thank these speakers and Hitoshi’s papa every day.

Essential four: Fidget toys

“Okay so I really hate that these kind of got meme'd on because fidget toys are something I legitimately need and use. We have meetings every morning at my agency and holy fuck my ADHD brain struggles with it sometimes. I also use them when we’re walking around during patrol sometimes and for paperwork. No one talks about how much fucking paperwork comes with being a hero, but there is so much paperwork. Like, at least digitalize it y’all. Save the trees, you know?”

“Anyway, I have a lot of different fidget toys, but I’ve really been into this one that’s like a joystick. It’s a bit quieter than this clicky cube one, for instance. So it’s really perfect for meetings and stuff to just have in my pocket.”

Essential five: Hitoshi Shinsou

Denki whacks a seat that has been added next to him. “C’mere sweetcheeks.”

Shinsou groans off camera before sliding into the seat next to Denki who instantly latches onto him.

“Okay, so he looks a little put out because we specifically agreed that we weren’t going to put one another on our lists. But I just couldn’t leave out my little love muffin, so say hi to my fifth essential, my husband Hitoshi,” Denki says.

“I promise I love my husband. Even if I don’t break rules and add him to my essential list.”

“He does love me very much,” Denki gushes as he rubs the tip of his nose against Shinsou’s.

“You’re going to make everyone projectile vomit, Denks.”

“That would be kind of cool though-”

“-No it wouldn’t.”

“Hear me out, hear me out. A headline: pro heroes Chargebolt and Mindjack make everyone forcibly vomit watching sickeningly sweet interview.”

“Well shit, we have to keep it up then,” Shinsou exclaims.

“Guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do. I just love my bubs dearly. I think we really balance one another out and bring out the best in one another. It’s one of those things where I’m like who the fuck was I before he was fucking me, you know? But also not just that. I just wanted to say that because it has a flow. He also emotionally supports me a lot and has changed me for the better by just being his super rad self.”

“I honestly don’t think I’m capable of loving another person as much as I love Denki," Shinsou says softly.

Denki smiles big and kisses Shinsou’s cheek over and over. “Alright GQ, I gotta get my introvert home and cuddle the living hell out of him because he’s being an extra big sweetie today.”

“It’s at home date night,” Shinsou states.

“Running home. Booking it. You could even call it sprinting. The… 15-mile dash back home for at home date night. Anyway– thanks for letting us chill with you, GQ! It’s been real! And thank you for watching! Byeee!”

Thanks for reading! ( ͡ಥ‿ ಥ)━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

✰like ✰ reblog ✰ follow ✰ comment ✰

[zombie-rott]

"Burying myself alive: Part II."

Prompt: “Have you eaten anything?”

Pairing: Established Papa IV/ Reader

POV: You / Your 

Pronouns: She/her

Synopsis:

You haven't been coping lately, and things are getting stressful as the new tour dates approach. You don't know how you're going to survive without him, especially when feeling so vulnerable, and take to running to calm your anxiety.

But, even as a seasoned runner, you neglect yourself. Slowly you began slipping back into a world you promised you never would.

Notes:

This is a short, two-chapter (because it was way too long for one Tumblr post) personal piece. It is based on a conversation had by my husband and me many years ago after I relapsed pretty hard into Anorexia Nervosa. I don't have a lot of memories from that time (or previous relapse because, well, long-term side effects), but this is one of the conversations I will never be able to forget.

It's also now that I realise all the fluff I write about Copia is literally just how my husband is. Do with that what you may.

!WARNINGS!

Mentions of anorexia nervosa, eating disorders, and mental health issues.

Part I

~ ~ ~ ~

“La mia bellezza?” 

You wiped your eyes and looked up to see Copia coming your way. You hadn’t even noticed you’d reached the end of your route. 

“You didn’t run today? Perché amore?” 

“I-I just couldn’t.” You sniffed, as you closed the distance.

He looked at you with furrowed brows and handed you a mug of coffee. Black this time, with sugar. 

“You’ve been crying, amore.” He said softly,” Please, talk to me.”

He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you tight to his body. You allowed it and leaned into him as he began walking you both back into The Abbey. 

“I just couldn’t run. Everything hurts, and I just don’t have the energy to push myself.” You answered, your voice breaking.

“Have you eaten anything this morning?” His voice was soft but stern. 

He’d been worried about you over the last few weeks. You’d been running more than usual and eating less, and he couldn’t help but notice the weight you’d lost. Your body didn't feel the same beneath his and your hip bones had become more prominent than usual.

After what happened during the last tour, he knew to remain vigilant and learned to recognise signs of relapse. But things had been going well until now. You’d gained a little weight and taken your medication as prescribed. You’d even been talking about the idea of weaning off it, just to see how you felt. Just to see if the depression had passed.

This time, however, things were getting worse before he'd even left, and it broke him to think about leaving you like this. 

“Cara mia? You have eaten today, si?” He asked again.

“N-no. But I did try.” 

Copia didn’t respond. He just signed deeply. You felt the pit in your stomach deepen.

“I’m sorry. I-I just can’t eat. Nothing tastes right. And I’m not hungry.” 

“Mia, you still need to eat. How do you expect to run so much with no energy? Your exercise is important, si?” You knew he wanted to continue on to talk about your health being important, and his own mental health never surviving this tour if you didn’t start looking after yourself. 

His raised words echoed in your mind.

"Don't you understand that watching you waste away is eating me alive?! How can I leave you like this, mia!? Bene?"

You felt the tears over flow again. You sniffed and wiped your eyes with your scarf. 

“Please don’t cry, mia. I don’t mean to upset you.” He pulled you closer and you felt his lips kiss the top of your head, “I love you, and I just want to see you well. I know not having me around for a few weeks - “

“Months.” You cut in.

“Si, months, is difficult. But remember you can call me anytime. We can even speak on the ‘Doom,’ si? And then there is Terzo. He is always there for you to talk to when things become too much. You can do this. And you know I’ll be missing you every second of every day?” He kissed your head again, “Please, mia. Please keep fighting.” 

At that moment, you so desperately hated yourself for allowing this to happen, for being so needy that you were hurting yourself to get him to stay. Your stomach twisted with anxiety, and in an attempt to stop the tears, you decided not to answer him. 

He didn’t say another word. He didn’t even speak when you entered your quarters, nor when you began to undress for a shower. You took the silence to mean that he was angry, or at least irritated. And you didn’t want a repeat of last night.

You were going to lose him to eight weeks of non-stop touring, and there you were, driving a wedge between you both because you couldn't manage without him. It sounded so dramatic and childish. 

Your heart stung as you berated yourself for being so unstable that you couldn't even let your love, your Copia, do the job he’d been chosen to do. You felt ashamed that you were making him feel conflicted between you and his Dark Majesty. 

It was all you could do to silence your whimpers as you turned on the water. You stood there biting back tears as you waited for the shower to warm. It felt like an age until you could climb under the faucet and allow the heat to wash over your bones. It felt good. It soothed your muscles and helped silence the world around you. 

And then the tears came. You buried your face in your hands as you cried. Sobs wrecked through your body as you felt a sea of emotions overcome you. Angry at Copia for leaving, anxious about your time without him and, most of all, ashamed of just how weak you had become. You couldn't even be apart from him without breaking down, without slipping into old behaviours. 

How had you let it get this far? How had you not seen the signs before they hit you like a ton of bricks? 

You heard the shower door open and shut before feeling Copia’s arms wrapping around you from behind. He laid his chin on your shoulder and kissed you gently on the cheek.

“I love you.” He cooed, “You know that, si?” 

“Y-yes.” You responded softly through tears. 

“Please tell me what is going on in your beautiful mind?” He kissed you again. 

“I’m being so selfish and I don’t know why I’m like this. I should have seen this relapse a mile away, but I didn’t. I–I’ve just been so focused on trying to cope without you.” 

“But, cara mia, I’m not gone yet.” 

“You will be, though. And I need to be ready. I need to figure out a way to survive, and in all the hustle to find it I somehow fell back into - “You gestured to your body, “all this bullshit. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to be so weak and pitiful to you. And this shouldn’t be your problem.”

Copia pulled you tighter against his chest and reached for your hands. He didn’t say anything, he simply held you in the heat of the shower. For a moment you thought he might be crying, but you couldn’t be sure. The thundering of the water was loud and very good at disguising tears. But when he turned you to face him, there was no doubt.

Copia, the strong and confident Papa you had come to love, met you with red, tearful eyes. He kissed you softly on the lips and rested his forehead against yours. 

“This isn’t a relapse, amore mio. It’s a small blip in the road, si? You are so strong and have fought so well. I know that you can overcome this with me here or on the other end of the phone. You have so many people around you wanting to help and support you, cara. Don’t let it go to waste in the name of pride. Everyone needs to ask for help sometimes. Even I.” 

You close your eyes and let his words settle in your soul. 

“I know how hard it was for you to confide in me about this. And even more so in Terzo. I hope you know how brave you are.” 

“Y-yes.” You managed, your eyes meeting his. You sniffed back tears, “I s-suppose I am.” 

“You are!” Copia smiled as he reached up to move your wet hair from your face. He kissed you gently on the lips and took your face in his palms, “The bravest! Il mio amore coraggioso! And you can reach out again at any time. You will not be my problem because I love you, cara mia, I love you! And while I do not wish this on you, I would help you through this one hundred times over with the same fury and dedication.” 

You smiled slightly, feeling the hope restore itself in your soul. Copia, loved you. Like really loved you. And for that you had to fight; if not for you, then for him. 

“I-I love you, amore.”

“I love you too.” 

“Do you believe me when I say you are strong enough for this? That you can kick it’s metaphorical culo?”

You giggle at the terminology. He did always have a way with words. 

“I do, Copia, I-I really do.”