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peterpparkerwrites · 3 years

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all these years - part two

a/n: part one is posted - these are queued before my temporary studying hiatus, so it should be posted on my page right before this one. if you send me a message/ask and I don’t respond, it’s just because I’m taking that break - I should be back again by mid-december! warnings: language pairing: college!peter parker x reader word count: 2.6k summary: even though it’s been years since you and peter broke up, sometimes it feels like no time has passed at all

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Peter was sitting with you in the laundromat a few blocks from campus, as he usually did on Fridays when you washed your clothes for the week. The in-house laundry machines charged way too much money, but you also didn't feel comfortable being by yourself at a laundromat at night, the only time you had to go.

Peter was more than willing to spend the time to go with you, and it had been a tradition for you both since freshman year to bring your laundry on Friday nights and hang out in the laundromat for a few hours.

You were almost done with your laundry, listening as Peter's phone buzzed a few times. Based on his next words, it was from the group chat.

"Please, we cannot let Ned make us watch Weird Science for the fifth time," Peter groaned, shoving his hands over his face, "If I have to sit through that again tomorrow, I might have to throw myself off a roof without my web shooters."

Your brain seemed to register what he was saying, that your monthly movie nights with your friends was tomorrow. You usually switched off who drove up to Boston or down to New York, since the drive was long. This time Ned and MJ would be coming down, but not Betty - she apparently had a big test to study for.

And you had completely lost track of time.

"Tomorrow?" You asked, folding your last shirt. "Shit, is it already the end of the month?"

"Yes, silly," he flicked your nose, and you swatted his hand away. "Tomorrow is in fact Saturday."

"Shit, I'm sorry, Peter," you frowned, "I forgot it was the last Saturday of the month. I'm going on a date tomorrow, I won't be able to make it."

Peter stared at you like you just spoke another language. "What?"

"I said, I can't come out tomorrow, because I have a date," you repeated slowly, giving him a look, "I definitely wasn't mumbling so you can blame your bad hearing on that this time."

"With who?" He seemed shocked, and you weren't sure if you should have been offended by that reaction or not.

"Cindy, remember her? You've only met her about a hundred times," you joked, but he didn't laugh, which wasn't really like him. "You alright there?"

"I thought you said you didn't like her like that," he stated flatly.

You remembered the day she asked you out, feeling flattered and flustered at the same time. She was really pretty and kind and you were low-key kicking yourself for not saying yes, and you still couldn't figure out why you rejected her so quickly. Peter asked why you looked funny when you hung out with him later that day, and you told him she asked you out, but you ended up saying no, giving him the excuse that you only saw her as a friend.

Eh.

"I mean, I didn't think I did at the time," you shrugged, feeling a little defensive, "But she's cute and funny and she's interested in me, and I could see myself liking her, so I don't see a problem with going on a date and seeing where it goes."

Peter huffed, and you gave him a look. "Hey, it's just a movie night. We have it every month, you don't need to be so annoyed about me missing just one night."

He rolled his eyes, as if you were missing something, but you didn't ask him to clarify. His attitude was annoying you, but you knew he would never let you walk back to your apartment alone, so you just waited for his laundry to finish in silence.

You didn't understand his annoyance. Yes, you were missing movie night, which was a shame - but he had also missed it many times. Maybe not for dates, but still. Not to mention you had the conversation with him not even two weeks before, about going out with the next person that asked - why did he seem to surprised?

It was still silent as he walked home with you, and you could tell he was wanting to say something. However, he remained silent, his lips pressed tightly together the entire walk back.

"So...where are you guys going to go on your date?"

You figured he was going to start somewhere to bring the conversation back - still, you told him the name of the restaurant. He said he never heard of it, which wasn't surprising - he tended to stick to Delmar's or delivery.

"It's just some panini place near Soho, we're going to be studying most of the time. Not really a traditional date."

Your first date with Peter was much the same, you realized a little awkwardly. He had asked you to study with him and during the studying had asked if it could be a date. You had to cut him some slack, you were both only fourteen - to you that was as romantic as it could get at the time.

"Are you going out with her just because our friends are pressuring us to start dating again?"

Ah - there it was. You wished he kept his thoughts to himself.

"Of course not," you nearly snapped, glad you were back at your building before he started asking the stupid questions. "What kind of person do you think I am? If I didn't think I could have feelings for her, I wouldn't go out with her and lead her on. That's cruel."

"I'm not saying that," he defended himself, "But, you have to admit, this is pretty out of nowhere. You say you don't have feelings for her, and then you go out with her not even a week or so after we talked about how we should start dating people."

"I never said I had feelings for her, but I could," you pinched your nose, "That's the problem. I haven't let myself be open to the idea of having feelings for anyone, so I have to actually try dating someone before I know if I like them like that or not. That's how many people function, Peter."

"I don't," he shook his head, "I knew how I felt about you long before I asked you out."

You felt your cheeks heat up a bit at that, and you were glad for the cold weather as an excuse for it. "Well, not all people work the same. Can we just drop it? I like Cindy. I want to see where it can go. End of discussion."

Peter's expression made it clear that he didn't think that was the end of the discussion, but you didn't give him the opportunity to continue it. You went to take the elevator, not waiting for him to follow - you had different floors, either way.

Your phone buzzed a few hours later with a message from Peter in the group chat - he couldn't make the movie night, apparently wanting to do some extra Spidey stuff with Miles. You had already warned them you couldn't go, after Peter reminded you of movie night at the laundromat.

MJ and Ned sounded a little relieved that they didn't have to make the drive down, though Ned made it clear he thought you were both bailing just because of his movie choice.

Either way, Saturday came quicker than you had planned.

Since it was a study date more than a date date, you didn't dress up too much. It was kind of exciting nonetheless to be getting ready to go on a date at all - you hadn't been on one in so long, it was almost embarrassing.

Plus, you had known Cindy for a while now. It might be awkward at first to be seeing each other in a way that wasn't necessarily just friends, but you knew well enough that it wasn't going to be awkward the whole time. Making the focus around studying was a good idea.

To your happy surprise, it wasn't awkward at all. In fact, it felt like any other time you hung out with Cindy - which you weren't sure if it was meant to, or not. She ended up buying the food, and you paid for the drinks, offering to pay for refills since the food was kind of expensive.

You spread out your books and got to work, not really focusing on the work as much as just talking. At this point, you knew Cindy pretty well, but she always had another story to tell.

She was in the middle of a pretty funny one, when you noticed a familiar kid walk into the restaurant.

If you saw just Miles Morales walk in, you wouldn't have thought anything of it - but then Peter came in right behind him, and immediately made eye contact with you.

Cindy was in the middle of telling a story, so you couldn't get up and go over and demand to know what he was doing there right away - but you definitely planned to. It would've been one thing if you were at a restaurant somewhere closer to where Miles and Peter usually patrolled, or even if it was at the time they usually patrolled. But it was not even dark yet in the middle of Soho, and Peter had explicitly said he'd never heard of this place.

You were so on to him.

"I'm going to get another drink, do you want anything?" You asked once Cindy wrapped up, trying not to look suspicious. Cindy didn't seem to notice and just asked for a tea, and you said you'd be right back as you got up and marched over to where Peter and Miles had just gotten their sandwiches.

Peter looked even more awkward when he realized you were walking up to them. Miles, on the other hand, smiled and waved.

"Hey Miles, Peter," you crossed your arms, "What are you guys doing here?"

"Peter suggested this place for our lunch break," Miles grinned, and you pretended you didn't notice Peter elbowing him in the arm.

"I thought you hadn't ever heard of this place, Peter?" you narrowed your eyes at him, but you also couldn't help the grin creeping up on your face. He was totally spying on your date.

"I googled it after you mentioned it last week, and apparently the paninis here are the best in all of New York," he said confidently, and you had to hold in a laugh.

"Uh huh. Well, I'm going to order and go back to my table," you gestured to where Cindy was sitting, "But you guys enjoy your 'paninis'. Also, you're not off the hook, I want to hear all about your girlfriend," you winked at Miles, who rolled his eyes.

"I should've known Peter would say something."

"Well, I'm gonna get back to...yeah. Have a good patrol, guys."

"See you later," Peter gave you a half smile, before not-so-subtly taking Miles' arm and dragging him out.

"Bye, Y/N!"

You chuckled at Miles' grinning face as Peter all but dragged him out of the restaurant. It wasn't long before you got Cindy's tea and your drink, heading back to the table and hoping you weren't gone so long.

"Who was that with Peter? I didn't recognize him," Cindy commented casually, and you weren't surprised she had noticed you chatting with them.

"Miles, Peter's his trainer at work," you said simply, not really far off from the truth. "Sorry, I hope that wasn't rude - I saw them and wanted to say hi."

"Of course not," she laughed, and you relaxed a little. She was way more laid back than any other person would have been if their ex popped up in the middle of a date. Cindy knew you and Peter dated, but she had never seen it, of course - only heard.

The rest of the night went fairly well. It kept bugging you that this didn't really feel like a date, though - you were having a lot of fun, of course, but nothing that felt different than any other study session with Cindy before.

You were wondering if you should have suggested you both do something else rather than studying - maybe something like a picnic or even a movie - when Cindy suggested you both call the night quits and head back.

She was right - it was way later than you thought it was, and considering you both had to take the subway home, the sooner you left, the better.

You both talked about the project on the way to campus, and while you were definitely glad you got a lot of work done, it still wasn't quite what you had hoped. Of course, you couldn't have expected to suddenly fall head over heels for someone just on a first date, but you didn't feel anything different for her, that was for sure.

The last thing you wanted to do was admit that Peter had a point, but you had hoped it would be different. Cindy would have been a great girlfriend, but you couldn't see past just "friend". You and Peter had been friends before dating, but you could already tell that was different. You did have feelings for Peter before he actually asked you out. You doubted changing the scenery of this date would have made feelings for Cindy suddenly appear.

Unfortunately, all you could compare it to was dates with Peter - and you knew immediately which one you preferred, even if you hadn't been on a date with Peter for years. You liked hanging out with Cindy, but only in a friend way, if you were being honest with yourself.

You were trying to think of what to say if she asked to see you again like this, but she seemed to have read your mind.

"Y/N, I had fun tonight and it was nice to hang out with you, but," she frowned, "I don't think...I don't think we should do a second date date."

As blunt as that was, you weren't even offended, but rather more surprised she said it before you did. "Oh?"

"You felt the same way I did, I could tell," she replied, blowing some hair out of her face, "It was fun. But it was friendly, that was it. And...I think it kind of made me realize I like you more as just a friend."

"I kind of agree," you admitted, "I haven't dated anyone in so long, much less been on a date, and I didn't know how I felt until we were sitting there and it was like...nothing was different?"

She nodded in agreement. "You put my thoughts into exact words."

You both laughed, and you were a little relieved she felt that way. It was a lot nicer to end that on good terms than if she thought she still had feelings for you like that. Way easier than if you had gone out with that crazy boy from your freshman year.

"Also, totally weird that your ex shows up on when you're on a date," she pointed out in a joking tone, and you rolled your eyes.

"Come on, you know he's a friend more than an ex," you chuckled. "That wasn't why...?"

"No, it would have been the same either way," she affirmed, "Hey, I'm really glad we tried it out, though. Would've been a big "what if" if we hadn't."

"I'm glad too," you smiled, "Thanks, Cindy."

"I think this kind of made things a little more clear for the both of us, huh?" She asked with a little grin. She was right. You wanted to test the waters, you wanted to try to date someone you could see yourself being with - and it didn't work out. But that wasn't a bad thing.

"Yeah. I think you're right."

taglist: @lilbeatlebear @somefuckshit1 @hufflepuffseeker

#peter parker x reader #peter parker fic #peter parker reader insert #spider-man x reader #spiderman x reader #spider-man fic #peterpparkerwrites masterlist #my writing

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abundanceofsoph · 3 years

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SkyFire 3: Chapter 11

The Holidays in NYC: Dec 2017

Word count: 3.3k

SkyFire 3 MASTERLIST

Aurora had always loved Christmas growing up. The chill in the air, the lights and decorations strewn around town and the towering pine tree in the corner of the bar. There were never many presents under it; usually a small something her mother could pull together and art supplies from Helen and Greg, but Christmas was never about the presents in their home. Instead, the festive season meant going ice skating with Ella after school, Christmas Eve waffles with her mum, carols to be performed at the piano, and Helen teaching her to make gingerbread biscuits and plum pudding. Even after Louise‘s death tarnished Christmas Eve and left a heavy cloud hanging over Christmas Day, the month of December still brought so much joy to Aurora's life and she made a choice once she moved to New York to focus on only the happy memories she had from childhood, knowing that if she didn’t then this time of year would slowly crush her under the weight of her grief. The atmosphere completely changed in Manhattan with the Christmas spirit and she loved every little aspect of the season. In the city, Christmas was now filled with new traditions like picking out a tree with her fathers and stringing lights with Nat and Bruce. It was introducing Steve and Bucky to cringey festive movies and ice skating in central park with Harry. It wasn’t the same as it had been growing up in London, there were far more presents under the tree now and the family around the table much bigger and louder, but despite these changes or perhaps because of them Christmas remained Aurora’s favourite time of year.

Now, however, there was pained edge to all the festive joy. She still loved ice skating in Central Park and strolling through the Christmas markets, but the cold seeped into her bones, chilling her in a way it never had before Columbia; the ache in her left arm and shoulder a constant reminder of the bullets that had ripped her apart 3 years ago. She was good at hiding her discomfort most of the time, holding back grimaces and fighting back the urge to rub at her residual limb as it throbbed. The full impact of winter had made itself known when she had returned to New York with Harry after the bands final performance before going on hiatus and while most of the people around her were unaware of her struggle, Harry caught on quite quickly. She hadn’t really been that surprised when he realised she was struggling a few days after returning from the band’s final performance on X Factor. They had just returned back to the tower from a walk in Central Park and while Steve was putting the final touches on dinner, Aurora had quietly excused herself from the room. Harry had quickly joined her, finding her curled in on herself in the hallway rubbing at the ache in her shoulder. Ever since that year Harry had always made a conscious effort to help her through the winter months, always on hand with heat pads, a massage, a steaming hot bath or even a surprise getaway to a warmer location. Rori tried not to let her body’s protests impede her activities however she now paid more attention to the forecast so as not to be heading outside on the worst days and she always rugged up with thicker jackets than most people would deem necessary.

This year was no different with the aches setting in while they were exploring Tokyo and only worsening as they settled back into life in the tower. Steve and Tony had already picked out the tree for the penthouse before their arrival but the last of the ornaments had been left for Aurora to place, the carefully wrapped hand painted baubles from her childhood added in amongst the Avengers themed ornaments that Clint had gifted the family ironically a few years earlier. As he did every year, Harry voiced his argument against Die Hard being a Christmas movie, but despite his grumbling he allowed his wife to pull him onto the sofa and curled up against her as Bruce Willis saved the day. With the time off from tour, Rori took the opportunity to throw herself back into her painting and spent hours at a time working in comfortable silence with Steve in their studio. A few days before Christmas, Anne and Gemma flew into town and Anne happily joined Steve in the kitchen to prep for the gigantic Christmas dinner required to feed the large group that would be in attendance. The pair shooed any offers of assistance, knowing that it would be more of a hindrance than a help, leaving Harry and Rori plenty of time to spend with Gemma. The three of them binged crappy Netflix Christmas movies and caught each other up on everything from tour and Gemma’s own adventures over the past few months, happy to just be spending time together.

xXx

Christmas Eve started quietly on the penthouse floor of Avengers Tower. Ever since their formation, the Avengers followed the unwritten rule to steer clear, either remaining on their own residential floors or leaving the tower altogether. Tony had remained up in the lab till the early hours of the morning, so he was sleeping away most of the day while Steve and Anne were baking for the following day in the kitchen and Gemma had made plans to catch up with friends, leaving early after a quick breakfast.

Sometime around mid-morning, Harry had appeared in the kitchen, kissing his mother on the cheek as he silently passed by her to make two mugs of coffee. He also poured some cereal and heated up a pop tart before placing it all on a tray and carrying it back to the bedroom where Rori was buried under the duvet. Anne and Steve remained silent as they watched him trudge back down the hallway, his hair sleep mussed and sticking in every direction. Steve placed a comforting hand on her shoulder as Anne frowned at her sons dejected demeanour and slumped shoulders. Her normally loud and goofy boy wore his heart on his sleeve, and she ached to see him shouldering his wife grief without complaint. She was proud of him for it, but it didn’t make it any less painful to watch.

Of course, what Anne failed to realise was that it was not only Rori’s grief burdening his shoulder and pinching his brows together. It was weighing heavily on him that this would be their first Christmas without Robin and he was fighting against the urge to wallow in that sense of loss. Looking after Rori on the anniversary of losing her mother, her home and her childhood was a much needed distraction and he welcomed the diversion. It was always easier for him to be the shoulder to lean on than to be the one in need of leaning, a trait he shared with his wife which was understandably not always great for communication or dealing with heavy emotions but they managed the best they could.

After a slow morning spent in bed, they made their way downstairs to the arts studio so that Rori could throw herself into another painting. She was in no mood to talk, so Harry simple set himself up on the sofa with his latest book, content to merely be a comforting presence so that Aurora knew she wasn’t alone. As darkness fell outside and dinner time approached JARVIS softly let them know that Tony was ordering in Chinese and asking for their orders.

Once JARVIS announced that the food had arrived, they made their way back upstairs to where Tony and Steve had queued up a Christmas movie and Gemma and Anne were already waiting on the sofa with them, both nursing glasses of red wine. Rori happily wedged herself between Tony and Harry after piling dumplings, noodles, and spring rolls on her plate and settled in as the movie began.

The Chinese food was long since polished off and they were debating which movie to watch next when Steve disappeared to the kitchen. He returned a little while later once they had settled on the next film with plates of waffles for everyone and all the toppings weighing down the tray it was all balanced on. Aurora bit back tears at the simple gesture. Looking around at the family surrounding her caused the heavy weight of grief in her chest to flare. Carrying on this little part of her life with Louise made her miss her mother more than words could express, but it also kept her closer and in some small way included her in the new family that Rori had surrounded herself with, both with her dads and with Harry’s mum and sister. She knew that her mum would have loved everyone in this room and Rori was certain that it would always feel unfair to her that it required losing her mum in order to find those surrounding her now.

xXx

Without speaking about it, Harry and Aurora instinctively swapped rolls once they woke Christmas morning. Where Harry had taken it upon himself to support Aurora through her own grief the previous day, now it was Rori’s turn to help her husband, as well as Anne and Gemma as they navigated their way through their first Christmas without Robin.

Harry was already awake when Rori fluttered her eyes open to the soft morning light filtering in through her window. She rolled over to find him staring at the ceiling and without saying a word she wrapped herself around him, pulling him tightly against her and placed a kiss on his bare shoulder. They remained silent for long minutes before Harry finally broke out of his haunting daze. “Merry Christmas,” he murmured, turning in his wife’s arms to kiss her gently.

“Merry Christmas,” she replied softly, returning the kiss. “Do you want to talk about it or is it better to not acknowledge it?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered, his voice deep and laced with pain. “I feel like if I even say his name, I’ll burst into tears but then not talking about it feels like I’m trying to forget about him.”

“I know it’s hard baby,” Rori replied, “but whatever you decide is ok. If it hurts too much to talk about it, then that is ok. Doesn’t mean you don’t still love him or that he doesn’t matter. You have to do what’s best for you. Nothing to apologize for or feel any guilt about.”

“I love you,” Harry said, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

“I love you too, H,” she replied, carding her fingers through his hair.

They remained in bed for a while after that, wrapped up in each other before finally getting up and getting dressed to head down the hall to where the rest of the family were gathered in the living room. Harry fell onto the sofa next to his mother, curling up into her side while Gemma sat on her other side. Anne happily threw her arms around both of her children and Rori took up a spot on the floor at Steve’s feet, leaning back against his calves.

“I made breakfast for everyone,” Steve offered once they were both settled. “You want me to make either of you something?”

“I’m good thanks Pops,” Rori answered. “I’ll just wait for lunch. H?”

“I’m fine,” he mumbled.

“Coffee?” Tony yelled from the kitchen.

“Coffee please,” Rori yelled back, shooting a brief worried glance at Harry when he once again declined the offer. He seemed to be trying to melt into both the sofa beneath him and his mother beside him. Anne met her gaze across the room and offered a small supportive smile as she squeezed Harry’s shoulders a little tighter in her hug. In that small silent exchange between the two of them, the conversation was clear, they would do anything to help the man they both loved through his pain and it left Aurora in awe of Anne’s strength in that moment, only being able to imagine how much of her own grief she was pushing aside to be present for her son.

They remained in the living room for the remainder of the morning as the other members of the Avengers slowly made their way up from their own floors until the room was bursting with Clint, Natasha, Bruce, Thor, Sam, Bucky, Peter, May, Happy, Pepper, and Rhodey. Steve and Anne had outdone themselves and lunch was incredible. Everyone was bursting at the seams by the time they tapped out, leaving plenty of leftovers to feed them all for the next week and they finished the afternoon with eggnog and cheesy Christmas rom coms as the sun set outside and the TV and the lights on the Christmas tree provided a soft glow to the room.

xXx

2 days after Christmas Rori borrowed one of her father’s cars and crossed the East River to drive out to the North Shore on Long Island. She arrived at Oheka Castle a little after 9 and after parking, she was almost immediately pulled into a hug from Liam who had arrived a few minutes before her, having come straight from the airport.

“It is so good to see you, darling.”

“Good to see you too, Li,” Rori replied warmly. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Liam replied, taking her hand, and leading her inside and out of the cold. “How’s H?” he asked as the climbed the front steps.

“He’s good. Enjoying spending some time with Gem and Anne while they’re visiting but he said he’s looking forward to dinner tonight. How are Bear and Cheryl?”

“They’re great. You should see Bear lately. He’s pulling himself up to stand and I’m sure he’ll be walking within the next few weeks.”

“Can’t wait to give him a big cuddle when we’re back in London in a few weeks.”

They continued to catch up throughout the day while they roamed the property and decided on locations for different scenes for the music video they would be filming over the course of the next few days. Aurora also had a final fitting for her dresses and then the day was over, and Liam joined Aurora in the car for the drive back into the city.

Harry met them in Williamsburg where they had dinner at a food truck that Rori had read about and then wandered around until they found a dive bar with an open mic and grabbed a booth in the back corner where the lights were low and they were less likely to be recognized. It was a such a fun night, with all three of them having missed hanging out together and just getting to pretend that they were normal friends in their early 20s just out for drinks after work. By the end of the night, Aurora’s cheeks ached from laughing too hard and she wrapped an arm around each of the boys as they stumbled out of the bar and down the street, winding their way back to where she had parked, giggling hysterically in the way that only drunk people did. Having always been the sober member of the group, Rori had discovered years ago that nights out were far more fun when you let the drunks sweep you up in their high and because of that she knew that to anyone watching the three of them right now, no one would believe that she wasn’t just as drunk as the two men hanging off her shoulders. They finally managed to make it back to the car and Rori drove them back over the Williamsburg Bridge and through lower Manhattan until they reached the tower and called it a night.

xXx

The first day of filming began in hair and makeup with Rori having her hair curled, while a red lipstick and a dark smoky eye was applied by a lovely girl called Jessica. Once her look was finished, she slipped into a red backless tulle gown, over which she wore a heavy black winter coat as she made her way out into the gardens for her first scene. The crew were already set up and ready to go by the time she arrived and after chatting with the director, Hannah, for a few minutes, Rori slipped out of her jacket and approached the top of the short set of steps that she would be filmed descending while she sang.

“Ready?” Hannah called and when Rori nodded in reply, the studio recording of For You started playing and Aurora stepped forward, staring down the barrel of the camera while she lip-synced along to herself.

“Cut!” the director called.

“Holy fucking shit Hannah,” Rori yelled. “It’s cold as balls.”

“I’m sorry Aurora,” Hannah replied. “I know it’s uncomfortable, but I promise you it’ll be worth it. You look fantastic.”

“Let’s just keep moving before I freeze to death, yeah?”

“You heard the lady,” Hannah smiled. “Let’s get set for the next shot.

Rori spent the remainder of the day running around the estates beautiful rose garden, cursing Liam and his warm, comfortable room inside where he was filming. The following day she was still outside in the garden, now suspended in a harness as she floated in the air, trying to pretend that she wasn’t shivering to death. Aurora was very excited when they reached day 3 as she finally joined Liam to film inside after enduring the frigid New York winter air in the sheer gown that did very little to protect her from the elements. She was in a different dress now and the new challenge was no longer pretending not to shiver, but instead acting romantic with Liam. Many takes were ruined when one of them broke into giggles but eventually Hannah called a wrap on the video and after changing out of their costumes, they drove back into the city to spend a final evening together as Liam was flying home the following day to spend New Years Eve with his family. They parted with wishes of Happy New Years and plans to see each other at the end of January when they would perform the song on the Tonight Show to promote the Fifty Shades movie it was attached to.

xXx

As he did every year, Tony once again hosted a massive New Year’s Eve party, filling the penthouse floor of the tower with the who’s who of New York City. Having learned from their mistakes on the first New Years following Columbia, Harry and Aurora were now well practiced in how to handle the night while navigating around her PTSD. This year was no different and they joined in the party upstairs, catching up with familiar faces and dancing the night away. With half an hour to go until the ball dropped, they made their way to the elevator riding the car down to the sound proofed recording studio that would be their refuge for the remainder of the night. Earlier in the day, Harry had set up a nest of pillows and blankets, as well as setting out snacks and drinks. they settled in to watch a movie and see in the new year while avoiding the fireworks. They fell asleep cuddled together on the floor of the studio and Steve woke them the following morning, having made pancakes and waffles to welcome in 2018. Unlike most of the towers residences there wasn’t a single hangover amongst Tony, Steve, Harry and Rori, allowing for the four of them to get an early start on the day.

NEXT CHAPTER

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#skyfire fic #Husband Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #dad!tony #ptsd #domestic fluff #iron dad #step dad steve rogers #aurora stark #harry styles #tony stark

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iwantthedean · 4 years

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Taglist Re-Do

Yes, it’s once again that time, my lovelies. Time for everyone who doesn’t want tags from me anymore to escape my metaphorical clutches, and everyone who does want tags from me to be welcomed into the sweet embrace of my sporadic fiction posting. (I’m always working to make posting less sporadic but, ya know, life. *shrug*)(Oh, and the two to three other writing blogs I try to keep up with. Yikes. #broughtthatonmyself)

Edited to Add: This will go into effect October 18, so everyone’s got about a week and a half to get settled. So if you want off the list but I happen to post between now and then (at least once, as I already have something queued for tomorrow.)

Here’s how it’ll work:

- If you wanna stay where you are, like this post. That’s it. That’s all you have to do.

- If you want to stay on the taglist but want to change where you are, send me an ask.

- If you don’t wanna be tagged anymore, don’t do anything! No hard feelings, no questions asked.

- If you’re not on any taglist yet, send me an ask telling me what list you would like to be on.

Please note that Keep It Original is a separate taglist for my xOFC fics. If you want to be tagged in those, you need to specifically be asked to be on that list, in addition to the other list(s) you may request. For example, “Please add me to the Jack Attack and Keep It Original lists!”

- Whatever you choose, you’re welcome to change your mind at any point, of course! No hard feelings, I won’t ask questions and I won’t be upset or anything. You choose what you wanna read and be notified of, that’s none of my business!

Current lists are below the cut. Happy Reading everyone!

The Whole Shebang (EVERYTHING I post, except for OFC fics): @illisea @ashleymalfoy @busybee612 @mrswhozeewhatsis @sherlock44 @ravenesque @feelmyroarrrr @atc74 @theplaidshirtmadness @blacktithe7 @moonlessnight14 @kitchenwitchsuperwhovian @smoothdogsgirl @melbrandes @xtina2191 @spnbaby-67 @emoryhemsworth @goldenolaf25 @gabriels-trix @applesugar88 @rainflowermoon @deansgirl215 @thisismysecrethappyplace @calaofnoldor @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @sleepylunarwolf @chances-and-miracles @sandlee44 @foxyjwls007 @cpag7 @deanwanddamons

Jack Attack (Jensen x Reader fics ONLY): @tiffanycaruso @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk

Dean’s Sweethearts: (Dean x Reader fics ONLY)

Two for the Money (Dean x Reader and Jensen x Reader fics ONLY): @jayankles @akshi8278 @jensensjaredsandmishaslover @supernatural-jackles @adoptdontshoppets

Keep It Original (ALL fics featuring OFCs): @ashleymalfoy @atc74 @melbrandes @smoothdogsgirl @illisea @ravenesque @spnbaby-67

The Division (Scheduled to be finished December 2020): @xtina2191 @itsallaboutthedean @roxyspearing @adoptdontshoppets

Blank Space (Scheduled to be finished mid-late November 2020): @roxyspearing

#not spn #well kind of #taglist update #taglist #supernatural fanfiction

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elle-imagines · 4 years

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Hiatus Until Mid-December

Hey everyone,

I am finishing up my semester online and need to put my focus into school work and exams. I will be taking a mini-hiatus until then.

Until I’m back, I have queued up some beautiful fanart so you’ll at least be getting something.

Can’t wait to be back soon :)

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pens-swords-stuff · 5 years

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Before the new decade: A final 2019 update

Hey Writeblr! I can’t believe that 2019 is almost over (or over already for some of you in a different time zone!), can you? I hope the new decade brings lovely things, people and events your way.

Some of you might have noticed that I’ve disappeared off the face of this website — or maybe not, that’s fine too — and I didn’t want to let the year end without letting my favorite community know why I’ve been gone, apologize, and what you can expect from me in the new year.

TL;DR I’ve been absent because I’ve been extremely busy and stressed. You can expect me to slowly reintegrate myself into the writeblr community, starting small with queued posts.

What I’ve been up to:

November and December have been a really busy and stressful couple of months for me. People who kept up with my personal life know that I’ve been in the process of starting a new job. This new job has been a really mentally taxing process for me, mostly because I spent about a month in new job nervousness purgatory. I got hired as a Direct Support Professional which essentially means that I work with vulnerable adults — and that requires a lot of training before I was able to even begin working. I was doing various trainings for several weeks without having any real idea of what my new job would be like, who my coworkers were, what I would be doing, while the trainings all educated me on the worst-case scenarios that could happen and how that would impact me, the organization, the clients, and my future in the human services field.

I’m also applying for some graduate programs and that has been really difficult for me as well, especially because after being out of school for about half a year, my ability to write academically has taken a dip. There’s been a lot of other things going on as well like fighting with my ISP for weeks, grace period for student loans ending, but those were the two really big ones.

There was a lot of anxiety in response to those two things, and it manifested itself into fear of all forms of social media, most notably Tumblr and Discord. Any time that I accidentally opened either app, I would panic and immediately close it because I couldn’t even look at it without my heart rate skyrocketing. It wasn’t that something bad had happened here or anything, but for whatever reason I wasn’t able to mentally handle even looking at tumblr for a while.

I know that there were things that I said that I would do, and I know that a lot of you have contacted me on discord, sent me asks and DMs that I didn’t see until now. I’m really sorry for not being around and essentially abandoning everything here for a long time. I’m also sorry for not letting you guys know that I would be on hiatus for a while.

Fortunately, things are calming down a bit. Grad school applications are due in early January, so I’m almost done with them, and I’m finally actually working at my new job instead of just training and it seems really nice so far though I have a long way to go before I really know what I’m doing.

What happens now:

I think I’m ready to start dipping my toes back in tumblr! I’ll be a student again in mid-January while working and volunteering so I don’t know how much free time and energy to devote to tumblr quite yet, but I really missed you guys and seeing what you guys were up to, and I’m finally at a place where opening tumblr doesn’t make me have an anxiety attack.

For a while at least, I think I’ll start rebuilding up my empty queue for now and slowly get used to being on tumblr again and just seeing what’s up. What the heck I did on the internet while I was avoiding tumblr I have no idea, but I’m really excited to be able to waste time on this website again. While I’m doing that, I might make a couple of personal posts about whatever I feel like, and maybe start reblogging and commenting on people’s posts again. I have a few ideas for writing and writing advice related posts I can make, but I think those will be a little bit further off for now. I’ll also work on slowly responding to everyone that’s contacted me; slowly being the keyword here.

And no, I did zero writing over the past month or so I don’t really have anything new to share. I do have some new ideas bouncing around in my head though and a potential new little project I might start working on for fun! I hope that as I get more comfortable with my new job, I’ll be able to free up some energy to devote to writing again because right now, I am just exhausted.

So basically, I’ll be around again! Maybe I won’t be super active with making posts yet, but I want to be logging in consistently again.

Thanks for bearing with this long post! I missed you guys, I hope you guys had a fantastic holiday season, I can’t wait to catch up with everyone and I hope that you haven’t completely forgotten me 💙

#writing #writeblr #undine speaks #blog update #long post #i'm back #kinda #but seriously i really missed you guys #please feel free to update me on what you've been up to while I was gone!#<3 #i can't wait to see what wonderful things you guys have been up to!

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refractment · 5 years

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Slight activity shift...

Hey all,

So, before I head off to sleep, just want to notify folks of a slight activity shift. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be intensifying my studies for Step 1 of the US Medical Licensing Exam, which I take in mid-December. yes i know what kind of dumbass med student tries to run an rp blog? an irresponsible one, that’s who. I’ve installed a website and app blocker on both my computer and phone in order to do a better job focusing, so I will not really be online at all until around 6PM EST.

I was really hoping tumblr would have sorted out the shit with drafts and queues requiring two takes by now, but it hasn’t. And since that’s really frustrating to deal with, I’m likely going to limit myself to posting thread responses during my “off” hours in the evenings. If tumblr fixes itself, I’ll start queuing responses again.

Thanks for understanding! <3

#ooc

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andhaveapleasanttomorrow · 5 years

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got to page 100 of my likes (mid-january) i feel very stupid for having not checked how many likes i had before i started so i could see how many i purged. but i now have 8,632 spanning from the beginning of my tumblr career in december 2014. i queued 55 of them but i got rid of others in other ways, eg. by saving picture to my desktop, bookmarking websites that were linked, sending to a sideblog. there were also posts that i unliked without saving in any way which makes me nervous but i’m reassuring myself that it’s ok

#09

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bolddeducktionneverfails · 6 years

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An Update on The Depths of “Gander”: Issue 18!

(Continued from here)

Back in December, I speculated about Issue 18 possibly giving us hints about a future situation regarding Della's return. I observed Cover B and noticed how the moon was present and how the mysterious submarine pilot had a space-vibe about her appearance despite being someone from underwater.

I've been anticipating to read it ever since. (And apparently many others did too, due to the fact that the issue is sold out on Atomic Empire as I’m typing this!) Now that it’s finally released...oh boy, do I have some things to say.

(Please read the comic book first. Lots of spoilers ahead.)

We find out early on that the Mysterious Submariner is a queen named “Diane”. Her name begins with a “D” and it has Greek origins in relation to the Moon. Amusingly enough, I was mislead into thinking her name was “Stella” based on the way Atomic Empire listed the comic, yet she still ended up having a Space-related name.

It’s implied that she’s a tough girl who’s skillful with weapons, such as swords, and she enjoys taking risks. Launchpad thinks of her when he looks into the night sky.

Fʀᴏᴍ "Bᴇᴡᴀʀᴇ ᴏғ Tʜᴇ B.U.D.D.Y Sʏsᴛᴇᴍ!", Lᴀᴜɴᴄʜᴘᴀᴅ ʜᴀs ɢʟᴏᴡ-ɪɴ-ᴛʜᴇ-ᴅᴀʀᴋ ᴍᴏᴏɴs ᴀɴᴅ sᴛᴀʀs ᴏᴠᴇʀ ʜɪs ʜᴀᴍᴍᴏᴄᴋ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴀʀᴀɢᴇ. Hᴇ ᴀʟsᴏ ʜᴀs Cʜʀɪsᴛᴍᴀs ʟɪɢʜᴛs ᴅʀᴀᴘᴇᴅ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ʜɪs ʙᴀɴɪsᴛᴇʀ. Tʜɪs ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ʜɪs sʟᴇᴇᴘɪɴɢ ᴀʀᴇᴀ ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ʀᴇᴍɪɴɪsᴄᴇɴᴛ ᴏғ sᴘᴀᴄᴇ/ᴛʜᴇ ɴɪɢʜᴛ sᴋʏ.

Every time Launchpad brings Diane up in conversation he gets ignored. It’s a trend in the show that whenever he constantly gets ignored about something, it leads to something else worth paying attention to: Constantly being ignored about being a pilot led to helping to save Scrooge after he struggled to stop Pixiu and played a part in discovering why Scrooge was being so ignorant of the word “pilot”. LP's constant fear about one of the children being evil was disregarded even though Magica was nearby. If it weren't for Launchpad being determined to let Scrooge know about getting his driver's license, Fenton may have never became Gizmoduck.

Whatever Launchpad “knows a lot about”, there’s a good chance that he’s going to be ignored at first, but then the others realize how relevant he is.

There was a lot of focus on the Sun in the “Toth-Ra” episode, another example of Launchpad proving to be important. Could this have been alluding to him doing something surprising when the Moon is involved?

The comic takes place ENTIRELY at night despite Cover A taking place during the afternoon. This gives Cover B even more significance.

The story takes place in a dark environment with a body of water, just like “Gander” and “Depths”. As I brought up in my previous post, multiple comparisons can be made between being in space and being underwater. The show highlighted this when Fethry referred to the Mid-Atlantic Ridge as “liquid space” and LP called it “the underwater sky”.

I’m intrigued by the artists seeing Diane as so important, that they placed her on one of the covers instead of keeping her design hidden within the story. This is the first time we've seen any of Launchpad’s reboot exes up close; let alone get to met any of them. The show never gave us a glimpse of Ziyi and we still don’t know what type of mermaid Oceanika is. This comic could definitely be hinting that the next lover we see on screen will be just as close. (Or even closer.)

Diane caused such a commotion, a tsunami warning was issued out.

Multiple people were alerted by her arrival, could Della contact Earth and it causes enough interference that a lot of people end up receiving her message?

Scrooge isn't fazed by the tsunami warning at all, he sees it as an opportunity to go out surfing.

This reminded me of my speculation about Scrooge being so busy doing other things that he doesn't pay attention to Della’s call. I wondered if the bet he made with Glomgold would be the distraction.

In an out-of-context quote, Roxanne Feathery talked about a storm forming over the mansion. Could the tsunami have been alluding to that?

The idea of Scrooge planning on riding the tidal wave kind of reminded me of what Della was trying to do with the cosmic storm. Is there some sort of loose parallel going on? There was a vehicle, a pilot, a natural disaster and Scrooge's involvement.There’s also the idea of the Money Bin being threatened as a result: Scrooge assumed Diane wanted to steal his money and Scrooge almost causes himself to go bankrupt by using his money to search for Della.

Later on in the story, we find out that Diane came to Duckburg to save Launchpad. She was told that he was kidnapped and enslaved by Scrooge, but this, of course, was just a misunderstanding.

In another post of mine, I speculated about Launchpad possibly being part of Della's motivation for taking the Spear due to his lack of input on her decision. Even after “Last Crash” when we find out that he knows why everyone was moving out, he doesn't bother to weigh in on the situation. His reactions to the family crisis are hardly focused on. If he doesn't blame Scrooge and he doesn't seem to want to blame Della...then who does he blame?

Could Launchpad have actually been in trouble years ago and Della took the Spear early to save him? Was she baited into space travel by being lied to and fell into someone’s trap?! LP’s character has a history of space travel and he’s been abducted by aliens in the original Darkwing Duck series.

Lᴀᴜɴᴄʜᴘᴀᴅ ᴡᴀs ғᴇᴀᴛᴜʀᴇᴅ ɪɴ ғʀᴏɴᴛ ᴏғ ᴀɴ ᴀʟɪᴇɴ ᴘᴏsᴛᴇʀ ɪɴ "Tᴇʀʀᴏʀ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Tᴇʀʀᴀ-ғɪʀᴍɪᴀɴs".

If Launchpad was the reason for taking the Spear, could the natural disaster be in reference to Della's disappearance disrupting the family?

I’ve been holding on to the theory that Dewey could be reminding LP of Della for the longest time and this comic just increases that belief.

Their friendship is being highlighted in the same issue we find out about one of Launchpad’s previous lovers and Dewey is said to be a lot like Della.

The RI Cover has Launchpad turned around, looking at Dewey's portraits.

After learning about the tsunami warning, he was quick to snatch up Dewey to take him to safety instead of snatching up both him and Webby at the same time.

In the show, Launchpad’s attachment to Dewey feels like it came out of nowhere. He suddenly revealed that Dewey was his best friend in “Terror” without having much interaction prior and even after Huey was kind enough to check on him after the snake trap Dewey set off and Louie being the first to consider Launchpad as family. (Hm, but I guess to be fair, LP was dazed on both occasions.)

In “Shadow War”, Launchpad was more upset about Donald and the boys moving away than Webby and Dewey was at the base of most of his concerns.

In “Jaw$”, Dewey wasn't the only one to get eaten by the Money Shark, but Launchpad rushed towards him for a hug. (And then later scooped up Huey and Louie.)

Dewey is always the one chosen to ask Launchpad about his mysterious, romantic adventures. Perhaps their friendship was sparked by Dewey checking on Launchpad after his search for Ziyi, but with all these other facts surrounding this, I can’t help but think that something more is going on.

I’m so baffled by Diane and LP’s relationship status. They both still have strong feelings for each other, so why did they split? Why did she go back home so quickly instead of sticking around for a visit? Because she had a kingdom to attend to? Because he couldn't stay underwater with her? What got in the way? And what could this tell us about Della’s relationship with Launchpad if she had one?

LP kept referring to her as just a friend rather than an “ex-girlfriend” or a “special friend”. So they dated briefly? Or he just doesn't want anyone to know their status? Is it because even though they’re not together, they’re not entirely done with each other, so “friend” is the best way he can describe her? Why is his love-life so dang secretive?!

They didn't even hug. I’m sad.

Donald’s exclusion from this story makes me wonder about his role in any episode that could reveal Launchpad having a connection to his sister...reminds me of when I tried figuring out why he was excluded from the news report and if it’s indicating the possibility of him being pushed back during a space adventure in some way.

Since Dewey and Webby are the kids featured in this comic, I wonder if they’ll be the first to question LP’s history and start doing an investigation.

Taking a small step away from Della: In the B Plot of the story, Huey is having trust issues with Louie the Money Bin. He things his younger brother made up the tsunami warning as an excuse to dive into Scrooge’s gold coins instead of cleaning up the treasures like they promised.

Is this hinting towards a situation where his family doesn't believe him about something important? And could it tie in with Della in some way?

Keeping track of the occurrences that took place before the issue’s released was almost as interesting as the story itself:

The issue was originally set to release on February 13th, a day before Valentine’s Day, but it got pushed to later in the month, the 27th was considered according to Amazon but the 20th was ultimately decided and every outlet switched to this date.

(Fʀᴏᴍ Lᴇᴀɢᴜᴇ ᴏғ Cᴏᴍɪᴄ Gᴇᴇᴋs)

iTunes released a three-page preview a week before the 20th. (I suppose it was queued with the original date.) None of the other sites had a preview available until the day before the issue came out and it was during the later half of the day. Usually, previews are available in multiple places at least a few days before the comic’s release date. I'm probably jumping the gun a little with this, but it seems like there could have been some hesitation over releasing any part this comic... it's not unusual for comic dates to change, but if it had stayed on the 13th, maybe that would have been too suggestive. Maybe they were trying to figure out the best way for people not to catch on too quickly? Whatever the situation may be, the fact that we're getting this comic not only in a month associated with romance, but a date that isn't too far from the premiere of “Whatever Happened to Della Duck?!”, feels a little too intended.

I was originally planning to holding off on all my Issue 18 thoughts on this blog until the new episode, but wow! This comic gave us so much potential hinting, I couldn't keep quiet about it! Perhaps I'll make another “Gander” update picking back up on some of these points and what interesting things the episode has to offer.

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kamidoodles · 6 years

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Regular Commissions Opening Soon (tm) + Updates

Hello my lovely, lovely people. I have an update for you all on my financial situation: I’m out of the weeds! [cue cheers and applause] My sincere, most heartfelt thanks to everyone who signal boosted, donated, and commissioned me. You guys fucking rock. I mean it.

That said, because of my current situation I’m going to have to keep making sure commissions are a thing so I have a steady flow of income. I won’t be able to take new commissions just yet, but hopefully soon.

My questions for all you lovelies: what would you like to be able to commission from me? and what would you like to see more of from my personal work - fandom art or original art?

My offerings lately have been:

B&W Manga portraits

Inked Flats

Crochet Scarves

Crochet Shawls

I am also capable of:

ProBoards Themes (coding + design)

Website Themes (design only)

Other graphic design (logos, banners, icons, etc)

Cel Shade illustrations

Sketches

My only caveat at this time is: I cannot take commissions that require quick turnaround dates.

For those of you waiting on commissions from me, please check out this readmore for my current queue:

@payroo - Virus Shawl: sorry for the delay on this hon but I’ll be getting this out to you tomorrow!

@vasheden - your scarf is almost done, so that will be going out tomorrow as well!

to the two others who requested scarves - i’m HOPING to get yours out tomorrow as well but if not they’ll go out mid-week.

to the one who request a doll scarf - also hoping tomorrow / mid-next week

@ouyangdan - I’m starting on your commission tomorrow

@wildealf - i haven’t forgotten you either. will be resuming tomorrow

anyone who has ordered a SINGLE manga portrait, starting with the person who requested jessie from pokemon: i will be starting on these on SUNDAY (09 December) and working on them throughout the week.

anyone who has ordered a DOUBLE manga portrait, i am hoping to get to you before the 24th.

IF I DONT GET TO YOU in the next two weeks (there are ~20 or so people queued), from 24 Dec - 01 Jan I have some free time I can spend devoted to commissions.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please send me an email! - [email protected]

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itinerarium-hic · 6 years

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Hello from Dublin! I’ve been largely quiet on Tumblr (aside from queued reblog posts) because I haven’t had a lot of downtime. I’m here for the month doing research at Trinity College, Dublin, which has been utterly amazing.

I’m working at the Long Room Hub:

^ -- Literally the view from my desk.

^-- and the view one floor down. The Long Room (where they keep the Book of Kells display) is that building to the right. The manuscripts and rare books reading rooms are in that building. To get to the rare books room you have to go up five flights of narrow, winding stairs (or take an elevator):

It’s cold here, but all the Christmas decorations are going up, so it’s really beautiful at night:

But also great by day. This is the Christ Church Cathedral (founded c. 1030). One of my favorite things is to see buildings and objects that would have been here when Gerald of Wales, the subject of my dissertation, was here in the 12th century. (Of course, only parts of this cathedral date back that far...)

My posts will continue to be infrequent until my return in mid-December. I’ll likely put up more pictures here and there.

#trinity college dublin #dublin #dissertating

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witchshour · 6 years

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so, i’m basically on semi-hiatus until the end of december/mid-january. i have a few edits queued up for the next few days, but i’ll be travelling for research.

happy chanukah!!!

#about me #semi-hiatus #again

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peterpparkerwrites · 3 years

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all these years - part four

a/n: part three is posted - these are queued before my temporary studying hiatus, so it should be posted on my page right before this one. if you send me a message/ask and I don’t respond, it’s just because I’m taking that break - I should be back again by mid-december! warnings: language, more jealousy jealousyy pairing: college!peter parker x reader word count: 3.9k summary: even though it’s been years since you and peter broke up, sometimes it feels like no time has passed at all

masterlist ~ requests are closed!

Peter turned bright red while Liz started awkwardly laughing. As soon as Flash started egging them on, and everyone else who had been drinking joined in, it was pretty clear what was about to happen.

And you had to get out.

You were sure no one saw you duck back into the kitchen, as they were clearly all focused on getting Liz and Peter to kiss because of some stupid tradition. With a little force you managed to get Ned's back door open, and closed it quietly to go stomp onto the steps and sit down on his patio.

Something was really, really wrong with you.

Why did it bother you that much that they had kissed? Everyone was drunk, they were getting peer pressured, and you were sure it didn't mean anything. And even if it did, so fucking what? You weren't together anymore. You didn't have feelings for him.

Also, did you not just recently encourage him to date people? Did you not just rant about how you wanted to be with someone again?

It just felt weird. Maybe you were pulling too much from your high school insecurities. Liz was the prettiest girl in school back then, and Peter had a massive crush on her your freshman year before you began dating. You remember your worst times, when you thought you were just a second choice next to her - almost seeing him kiss her tonight brought all those feelings back.

But why?

"What are you doing out here, Y/N?" You nearly flinched when Miles spoke, not even hearing the back door open. "It's like twenty degrees."

"Oh, just uh, wanted some fresh air," you said quickly, turning around where you sat. Miles was giving you a funny look.

"They didn't kiss, you know," Miles said flatly, and you frowned at him.

"Okay?" You tried to brush it off, but you couldn't help the relief that those words brought you. But why did you feel to relieved?

"Peter might be kind of thick in the head, but he's not that stupid," Miles glanced back at the house, before coming up and sitting next to you on the steps.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Yeah, you do."

He didn't say anything else other than roll his eyes at you, which made you frown even more. As young as Miles was compared to you and Peter, he was pretty smart and observant - he also knew exactly how to read people, which could be annoying something.

"Where's Barbara?" You changed the subject, wondering why his girlfriend wasn't hanging near. She was pretty outgoing, though, so you wouldn't be surprised if she was already getting along with all your friends.

"She and Cindy are talking about some show they both watch," he paused. "I snuck away when I saw you leave cause I had something to ask you that...I didn't really want her to know about? And I don't know if it would be too personal, or just not my business to ask about."

You raised an eyebrow at that. "I'm a pretty open book, Miles, you can ask me anything."

"Why did you break up with Peter?"

You stared at him blankly, "What?"

"I know that's probably a touchy subject," he said quickly, his eyes wide, "And you totally don't have to answer. But Y/N, I really like Barbara - and I have a feeling that you and Peter didn't work out because of Spider-Man, and I haven't told her yet that I'm also - you know, so I just...I just want to know how to do it right."

Like you said - Miles was an incredibly observant person. You only met Miles this year, and you weren't sure how the subject could have come up as to why Peter would tell him that you used to date.

"You can't tell Peter any of what I tell you," you said seriously, though you knew Miles respected you enough to keep this conversation a secret. You doubted he even planned to mention it to Peter at all. Still, you liked your friendship with Peter, as touchy as it had been lately - and you didn't want any old feelings to mess that up.

"Of course not," he agreed. "You-you don't have to be specific, I just-I just want to know if the reason was Spider-Man. I'm worried that if I tell Barbara..."

He didn't need to finish his sentence for you to guess what he meant. He was worried she would flip out when she found out he was Spider-Man, too, and break up with him. He wanted to know if that was why you ended it with Peter. It was easy to assume.

"It was," you said simply, his expression falling. "But you need to understand some things, Miles. It was way more complicated than just him being Spider-Man. And your relationship with Barbara is different than mine was with Peter."

You weren't sure exactly how much Miles knew about your relationship with Peter - before this conversation, you wouldn't have even assumed he had known you two dated.

So you started from the beginning. Miles was a good listener.

You spared any unimportant details, trying to focus on telling him exactly why it was that you felt like you needed to end things. Peter was the most amazing boyfriend, especially compared to some of the relationships your friends had in high school. You never would've pictured breaking up with him if it hadn't been for Spider-Man - more specifically, how being Spider-Man caused him to constantly be physically hurt and in danger.

One of the nights that it had become more clear to you that you weren't strong enough to deal with what he went through, coincidentally was the first night you told him you loved him.

"Hey, I thought we weren't doing presents," Peter complained, staring at the gift bag you just plopped on his lap.

He was sitting on your small apartment balcony the Christmas of your sophomore year, nearly eight months after you began dating. At this point, you knew he was Spider-Man, and you were both about as close as you could be as a couple. Your friends were finally over their teasing phase of when you began dating.

"Yeah, but I got the idea a few weeks ago, and it didn't cost me any money," you promised, laughing at the look he gave you. "Just open it, Pete."

"Fine. But I have something at home that I'm going to be giving you soon, too."

"Hypocrite," you accused, and he just grinned and started opening the bag. He pulled out something that you had been working on for the last couple of weeks, since you decided to pick up knitting as a hobby. It wasn't perfect, but you knew Peter would get a laugh out of it - a bright red and blue scarf.

"It'll keep you warm during patrol," you chuckled, "Even if it does look stupid as hell."

"Hey, don't call this stupid, my girlfriend made it," Peter frowned at you, making you laugh even more. "And I love it."

Either way, he put his mask on and then wrapped the scarf around his neck, and you tried your best not to laugh at how he looked.

"I should probably work on my knitting skills," you winced, but Peter shook his head, pulling the mask back up.

"This is the warmest I've felt in weeks," he reassured you, and you couldn't help the smile growing on your lips. He always did his best to make you feel good about yourself, even if it was in little ways like this.

"Wish I could make you something to keep you more safe," you said quietly, your eyes following some of the bruising along his jawline. No amount of May's concealer could really cover that up, and you could tell he had been trying.

"Knowing I have you waiting for me is enough to keep me from being reckless," he said softly, and you couldn't help but snicker at that. "What? I'm trying to be cute and romantic here."

"That was so cheesy," you complained, but you didn't really mean it. If anything, you hoped it was true - you didn't know how much more you could take of seeing him in pain like this, or knowing he was constantly in danger.

"And you love it," he grinned, and you gave him a light push and rolled your eyes.

"I love you," you corrected, and then froze when you realize what you just said. You knew for a long time that you loved Peter, but you had never said it out loud before.

But you didn't have time to start panicking before a wide grin spread across his face.

"I love you, too," he said sincerely, placing his gloved hands on either side of your face. "I'm so in love with you, Y/N. I can't believe you beat me to saying it first."

"You can't blame me, you were being really cute and romantic," you quoted him from earlier, and you were smiling just as widely as he was. You never doubted Peter's feelings for you anymore, but hearing him say that he loved you out loud was another feeling all together.

You didn't go into too much detail with Miles, just getting straight to the point and trying not to think about how much you missed those times with Peter.

"Ultimately, I felt like I couldn't stand seeing him hurt anymore," you summed up, "I think that it came to the point where I felt like I would go crazy seeing him come by my apartment covered in bruises and blood. I know Peter is a lot more careful and better at being Spider-Man now, so you wouldn't know how it was in the beginning, but it wasn't something I could stand to sit by and watch happen."

"So him being hurt...that's why?"

"It was more than that," you shrugged, "I mean, that was the overarching reason. It was also how it felt like he didn't care that he was getting hurt, and he didn't try to do anything to prevent it. He constantly pushed himself to the limit, didn't sleep, barely ate, and every night he'd stop by and I would have to see what he was doing to himself. And he constantly brushed it off and disregarded his own health and my feelings about it."

"Do..." Miles paused, seemingly trying to figure out how he was going to say what he wanted to say. "Do you think it could have been avoided? If he did something differently?"

"Miles, I don't regret anything more than how I regret breaking up with Peter," you said quietly, "That being said, it wasn't exactly one sided. He didn't try to fight for me, either. I know that isn't fair, and that I was the one that walked away, but...but it was like he didn't even care. We had one fight and that was it, over and done. If he had done something differently, it could have been a lot different. If he had talked to me, or if we had come to a compromise, or anything - we might still be together."

"So, if I tell her and she freaks...I should fight for her?" Miles said slowly.

"Yeah - I mean, if she really puts her foot down and has to repeatedly tell you she doesn't want to be with you anymore, then leave her the fuck alone," you said seriously, though you knew you wouldn't need to - Miles was one of the most respectful boys you had ever met. "But make her first see that you care about her and don't want to lose her. I say this with all honesty, though - she seems tough and she also seems to care about you so much. Not to mention, you and Peter being partners means neither of you get as hurt because you always have someone watching your back. I don't think this is something you need to worry about."

"Thanks for the advice," he said sincerely. "I think-"

He stopped when you both heard the back door crack open, and Peter was coming out. He didn't seem surprised to see you both out there, and you hoped his super hearing wasn't so good that he could hear your conversation.

"Barbara's looking for you," he nodded at Miles, who got up quickly.

"Thanks, man," Miles gave you a thankful look before heading inside. Peter stood awkwardly by the door when you didn't immediately get up, and after a second, came and sat next to you where Miles had been.

"What were you guys talking about?" He asked curiously, but based on his tone, you had a feeling that he did hear more than you would have wanted him to.

"Miles needed some girl advice," you smiled a little, knowing that wasn't really the truth, but also not a total lie. "I am his best option for that, no offense, Peter."

"Ouch," he laughed a little, but went silent pretty quickly. You almost forgot about the talk about the bet from earlier, as well as when you apparently very obviously ducked out of the room when him and Liz were caught underneath mistletoe.

It was pretty cold out, considering it was December in New York, but it wasn't snowing. There was only some partially melted snow on the grass in Ned's backyard, and the sky was fairly clear. It reminded you of many nights you spent back here in the summers with your friends, having s'mores from Ned's fire pit and playing with his dogs - perks of having a friend that lived in the suburbs.

You could always tell when Peter wanted to say something, but didn't know how to say it. He was tapping his fingers against his knees, staring up at the skyline, where the last bits of sunlight were peeking through the trees. This time of day was your favorite - it used to be your favorite time to spend with Peter, because the receding light made his brown eyes look gorgeous. His freckles would be even more visible and his skin would usually blush a light pink when he caught you looking at him before making a face that would ruin the moment, but made you laugh, too.

It was hard for you to look away from him now, but you didn't want him to catch you staring, either. He was visibly different than he was when you were kids, not just physically. Yes, his jawline was sharper and his features more defined, but he was also so much more sure of himself. He still had the same habits, though - like now, when he was clearly trying to bring up a topic that he probably knew he shouldn't.

As if reading your mind, he finally said something.

"I didn't kiss Liz."

"I know," you gave him a funny look. Funny how Miles had also started the conversation earlier with the same announcement.

"Oh - well, I saw you leave, so I wasn't sure what you thought...happened," he said awkwardly.

"Yeah, well, Miles told me. Doesn't matter though, you can do whatever you want," you didn't mean for that to come out as bitter as it sounded, and you could tell Peter noticed.

"I didn't want to," he emphasized. You had to meet his eyes this time, narrowing your eyebrows slightly.

"Okay?" It felt like he was trying to tell you something without just outright saying it, which was irritating. You didn't want to try and read through whatever he was saying and make an idiot out of yourself by jumping to conclusions.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead. "You know what the problem is? We've never talked about it."

"About what?"

"About anything," he said slightly louder and suddenly seeming angry, which came out of nowhere. "We break up, we avoid each other for maybe a few months, and then we're friends again. And I'm not upset about us being friends, but why have we never addressed things like-like boundaries? What am I supposed to think when one second you're encouraging me to date other people, and the next I see you leave the room because me kissing Liz is going to upset you?"

"It doesn't upset me," you grit your teeth, annoyed that he thought he could just assume how you felt - even if it was correct. "You can do whatever you want. I made that clear."

"I know you too well to know when you're lying, Y/N. It does upset you, and there's no shame in admitting that. You think I wasn't upset when you said you were going out with Cindy? Why aren't we just being honest with ourselves?"

"What do you mean by that?" You snapped, suddenly as mad as he sounded, "I have been honest! I said we should start dating people, because we should. I went out with Cindy and you had an attitude about it without saying why, and now you bring it up again when it's irrelevant, because Cindy and I aren't even seeing each other!"

"It's not irrelevant," Peter interrupted your, his calm tone somehow worse than when he was just yelling, "It's always been relevant. Anytime anyone has asked you out, I have been upset by it. Seriously, Y/N, are you blind? Why can't you just admit how you really feel? Not to mention how you clearly are affected by the very idea of another girl and I being anything more than friends, just like it has been even before we were dating."

Instead of registering anything he just said, you only got up at his last comment. "You're an asshole, Peter. You can't just come out here and try and force me to say admit something that isn't true and try to embarrass me for what I do or how I feel. What's wrong with you? Where did this all even come from?"

"I'm not trying to embarrass you, I just want us to talk about-"

"No," You shook your head at him, "I don't want to talk. It's pointless, I don't - I don't even know why this topic was brought up. We were doing fine avoiding it."

"But we shouldn't avoid it! All we've been doing this whole time is pretending and avoiding, and it had to reach a breaking point as some point," he pinched the bridge of his nose. "It wasn't a problem when we weren't dating other people. It wasn't a problem until suddenly, out of nowhere, you suggest that we move on and finally start dating other people. How can either of us properly move on, when we never officially had an ending? Shouldn't we have some kind of closure, Y/N?"

That was the problem. You didn't want closure. Closure meant the end, and even though you still didn't have the guts to admit it out loud - you didn't want the end. Realistically, you and Peter ended a long time ago. But without that final conversation, without the closure - it wasn't really an end, just an open end. A possibility for something to rekindle.

You couldn't believe you were finally admitting that to yourself. Still, you couldn't manage to tell Peter that - the idea of him laughing in your face or getting mad that you had the audacity to still have feelings for him, kept you from saying anything of the sort.

"No," you forced out, but you couldn't say anything else. Instead you quickly turned back to the house, ignoring when Peter called out your name.

You nearly ran right into Cindy, who appeared to be on her way out the back door.

"Oh, hey I was just about to come see if Parker was bothering you," she was smiling, her face a little red, as if she'd been drinking. Her smile dropped when she saw your expression. "Hey, everything alright?"

"Totally fine," you forced out, "They haven't done the ugly sweater contest yet, right?"

She looked like she wanted to bug you further, but decided not to, "No, but they're about to. Your friend Flash, weird name but whatever - he was trying to teach Miles and Barbara drinking games, which they thankfully refused. But everyone else was getting in on Cards Against Humanity, which was why I was coming to find you and see if you wanted to join."

"He's not really my friend," you grimaced, "But yeah, let's join them."

She didn't ask anything else about why you were talking to Peter or why you now looked upset, which you were grateful for. Luckily, it seemed like no one else had noticed you dip when the Liz and Peter situation happened - they all just cheered when you sat down and grabbed some cards to join the game.

For the rest of the night, you tried to enjoy yourself. Peter came back in a little after you, and no one seemed suspicious - everyone except Miles and Barbara had a little too much to drink, so they probably didn't even notice. You didn't miss the glances Peter kept giving you, and you knew you couldn't avoid that conversation forever.

He was right. It made you mad that he was right, but it didn't change the fact that he was. However, you remained firm that having that conversation at a party with your friends in the other room, was not appropriate. On top of that, you didn't want to have the conversation at all, especially not if it involved you both yelling at each other.

You hadn't fought like this since you broke up. You knew why - he was right in saying that you had both been avoiding it for years, and it had only sparked because you went on a date with someone, and because Liz brought back old nasty feelings of jealously. If neither of those things happened, maybe you would both still be pretending that being friends without closure was fine.

Miles ended up winning the ugly sweater contest. He had found a truly authentic ugly Christmas sweater, that was themed around a family - it had their last name embroidered in horrible coloring, and several snowmen that everyone guessed were based on different members of said family. The best part was that it had the year stitched into the back, which was 1998 - before most of you were even born.

He refused to say where he found it, but it was a unanimous decision that it was the ugliest sweater anyone had ever seen.

Everyone sobered up enough to go home around one in the morning - Miles and Barbara left much earlier, as they both had a curfew, and you were glad Peter ended up going with them to make sure they got home safe. You didn't miss the glance he gave you before leaving.

For the rest of the night, you had hung out with MJ and her partner and Cindy, who were all getting along really well. You were glad you chose this time to introduce Cindy to the rest of your friend group - she fit in really well with them, and you could see her joining everyone on movie nights and random hang outs, too. It was nice that you found such a good friend in college, even if she wasn't going to be anything more than that.

But your thoughts remained on Peter.

taglist: @lilbeatlebear @somefuckshit1 @hufflepuffseeker

#peter parker x reader #peter parker fic #peter parker reader insert #spider-man x reader #spider-man fic #spiderman x reader #peterpparkerwrites masterlist #my writing

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kiki-ciara-blog · 7 years

Text

Half the World Away

This is my CSSS for @imagnifika.I hope you enjoy it, there’s a little angst as well as fluff. It's been lovely getting to know you over the last few weeks. Enjoy your Christmas celebrations when they come on 8th January! Massive thanks to @best-left-hook-jones for beta reading.

Also on AO3

7k words

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KJ 15:48 Morning Swan

ES 10:48 Afternoon Jones

KJ 15:49 Many meetings today?

ES 10:50 Nope. I’ve got the afternoon off. You nearly finished then?

KJ 15:50 10 minutes and counting and then I’m off until January!

ES 10:50 Nice! Any big plans for the evening?

KJ 15:51 Huge - a ready meal for one and 3 episodes of Stranger Things to watch on Netflix.

ES 10:51 Exciting. I’ve got to do a grocery run but shall we facetime when I get home then?

KJ 10:52 I look forward to it!

She couldn’t quite pinpoint when this thing with Killian Jones became more than a casual acquaintance and turned into a solid friendship, perhaps the most important one in her life. It was gradual, evolving over time until Emma was surprised to find herself looking forward to sharing the upcoming Christmas season with her friend. Even if there was an ocean between them. She told herself that it was only because it meant they would have more time to talk, rather than Emma actually getting into the festive spirit herself.

It had started around 18 months ago when she and Killian had been partnered on a project being run jointly by the London and Boston offices of Mills International. Due to the difference in time zones, Emma would exchange handover emails and skype calls with her British counterpart as he was reaching the end of his day’s work and she was part-way through her morning.

A couple of months into the project, Killian had been due to be out of town at a conference, and had insisted that Emma have his personal mobile number, so that she could contact him whilst he was offline if there were any issues. There hadn’t been, but she also didn’t delete his number when he returned to the office the following week.

Over time, their daily handovers became more informal, sharing little updates about their personal lives in addition to the required work related information. And then, as the long Thanksgiving weekend approached last year, Emma decided to give Killian her personal number. He would be working on what was just another Thursday in November for the London office, she’d reasoned, and he might need to get in touch.

She had been a little disappointed when the Whatsapp notification came through at 7am on Thanksgiving morning. The first couple of words of the message showed on her lock screen and read: [Swan, Sorry to message you so early…]. Sighing, Emma had tapped the notification to see what the problem was, but was then pleasantly surprised to see a series of silly gifs and emojis beneath the full message.

Swan, Sorry to message you so early, but I wanted to be the first to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving! I’m having a turkey sandwich for lunch in solidarity!

So yeah, that was probably when the contact outside of work had begun. They’d still been few and far between to begin with, though. A link from Killian to some ridiculous story he’d seen in the British tabloids, like the Seagull that had stolen bags of chips from a shop. A frustrated gif from Emma of Chewbacca smashing a guitar, sent while she was sitting on hold with her energy supplier for nearly an hour. A photo on Facebook of the London team at their work’s Christmas dinner, with a comment beneath from Killian tagging Emma as a missing member of the team. A corresponding photo from Emma on Instagram the next night of a bottle of wine that she’d tagged Killian in. They’d added each other on various social media platforms and would like or comment on their posts, although Emma was always careful to ensure that she didn’t do so excessively, still uncertain of the boundaries of this new friendship.

After a particularly awkward Valentine’s date, where Killian had been set up against his own good sense with the sister of a friend and colleague, he’d returned home and sent Emma a message.

Well that was a disaster Swan. I hope you have better luck on your date tonight!

Oh no what happened?

Turns out that the chap that this Felicity had seen across the bar and wanted to go on a date with was Kieran from Accounting and not myself.

Ouch

Yes, seemingly she’d spotted him/me when we had a team night out and we both had blue shirts on, have dark hair and stubble so Robin had assumed it was me when she started asking questions. What time are you meeting your mystery man?

Billy? In an hour. Ruby hasn’t told me much about him, just that he’s not long moved into town after a divorce.

Well, have fun Swan and be safe.

When Emma returned home a mere two hours later, her first thought was to get in touch with Killian. Kicking off her heels in the hallway she fired off a quick message.

Hey. You still awake?

She plugged her phone in to charge and got changed into her pyjamas, not expecting him to reply given the late hour. When she checked her phone a few minutes later, Emma was delighted to see a message waiting.

You’re back early, Swan, everything okay?

I’m fine Jones, I think this must be a night for disastrous blind dates!

Do tell!

He was already several drinks in when I arrived, had ordered food for both of us, thought I wouldn’t notice when he tried to pinch the waitress’ ass as she walked by, and then tried to get handsy with me.

Are you sure you’re okay?

Really, I’m fine. I downed my drink, threw his beer in his face and his burger in his lap. Then grabbed my coat and jumped in a cab.

Seconds after sending the last message Emma’s phone vibrated in her hand with an incoming call.

‘Hey Killian, you didn’t have to call, honestly I’m fine!’

‘I have no doubt that you are, Swan, but I wanted to make sure, and I wanted to commend you on your stylish exit.’ His voice sounded huskier than when they spoke at work, as if it was thick with sleep

‘What time is it there?’

‘Just after 1.’

‘I woke you up didn’t I? I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have messaged.’ Emma kicked herself for being so thoughtless.

‘Nonsense. I was actually trying to stay awake to see if you would be sending me any of your usual gif reactions to your date.’

Emma grinned. ‘Really? Well I’m sure if you hadn’t phoned I’d have sent some. Probably involving Lesley Knope or some angry kitties.’

‘Well, as I’m wide awake, shall we share all the horrendous details of our delectable dates?’

Getting comfortable for a long chat, Emma replied, ‘Absolutely, you start Jones.’

----------------------

After that, the phone calls became more regular. Sometimes it would be Emma calling Killian when she was up late, knowing he would be getting up for work. Other times Killian would return the wake-up call on his lunch break. There were calls at more civil times for both of them on weekends, late evening for Killian and mid afternoon for Emma. All of these interspersed with messages, and their regular work related dialogue.

It was fun, and easy. Killian soon became one of the best friends that Emma had ever had. It seemed he could sense when she was doubting herself and immediately appeared in her notifications as her personal cheerleader. Emma, in return, tried to rally Killian’s spirits whenever he was particularly stressed at work, going out of her way to find things to make him laugh (dogs dressed as Yoda seemed to be the most effective). There would barely be a day going by where they didn’t speak or message at least once.

Then of course there were the little gifts and postcards she would get in the mail from him. Sometimes it would be a special hot chocolate mix or coffee blend that he had come across and wanted her to try. Other times it would be a book that they had talked about, or some trinket that reminded him of her. When he went on his travels at the weekends he would try and find the tackiest and most tasteless postcard that he could, knowing she would get a kick out of it.

For her birthday, he had sent her a stunning charm bracelet with a swan attached. She had squealed down the phone at him when the mailman delivered her parcel.

‘Oh my god Killian thank you so much I love it I love it I love it!’ she rambled.

‘Bloody hell Swan, I think only dogs were able to hear some of that. Calm down love.’ Emma tried to contain her excitement, but still bounced a little on her toes as she giggled. ‘You are most welcome in any case.’

-------------

December 22nd was no different. Emma had to run to the grocery store on the way home from her half day at work, making sure her fridge was stocked with comfort food before putting herself into hibernation mode until Christmas had been and gone for another year.

After queuing for longer than seemed humanly possible, Emma finally returned to her apartment, plated up her grilled cheese and hot chocolate that she had picked up on the way and dialled Killian.

‘Swan!’ he greeted, eyes twinkling with mirth as his face filled her phone screen.

‘Jones, how was your frozen lasagne?’

‘I haven’t had it yet, it’s still in the microwave - see?’ He turned around so that Emma could see the microwave on the bench behind him.

‘Oh yum, you lucky, lucky man. I’ll try not to make you too jealous with my grilled cheese.’ She took a bite and gave an exaggerated moan of pleasure, noticing the way his eyebrow jerked up at the noise. ‘Mmm so good. Want some?’ She held the sandwich out towards her phone.

‘Not nice to tease a man, Swan. Bad form, love.’

‘I’m just getting you back for those gingerbread cookies you taunted me with last week’ she laughed.

‘Fair point. So what are you going to do for the rest of your day?’

Emma told him about her minimal plans as she pottered around her apartment folding laundry and generally tidying up. Killian had retrieved his dinner from the microwave and had settled himself at the kitchen table, happy to let her talk while he ate, his phone propped up against something to keep them both in view.

Having inadvertently given Killian a virtual tour, he asked, ‘Are you putting your tree up this weekend? I haven’t spotted it in the background.’

‘Not going to happen.’ Emma replied abruptly, sitting back down on the couch and trying her best not to glare. ‘I don’t have a tree, never had, probably never will. Not a huge fan of Christmas, if I’m honest. I mean I’m happy for others to enjoy it but, myself, I’d rather just hibernate until all the good will has moved on.’

‘So you’re not doing anything special on Monday then, love?’

‘Nope, not this year. Well, not any year, to be honest. Normally Mary Margaret insists I join her and David for dinner and she force feeds me festive cheer until I’m gagging on it. But this year they are going to stay with David’s mum in Wisconsin so I’ll be cocooning myself in a blanket on the couch and enjoying the extra couple of days off work. And talking to you, of course. That’s the only part I’m really looking forward to.’

Emma looked away from Killian at that admission, reluctant to see his reaction. He didn’t miss a beat and carried straight on with the conversation.

‘Sounds similar to my own plans there, Swan. Not a big fan of the holiday myself. I tend to get all Bah-humbug about it,’ he shrugged.

‘Tell me, Jones - how have we made it to December 22nd and have never had a proper conversation about Christmas when we speak every day? Did you used to spend it with your brother?’

A sadness washed over Killian’s face, his brow furrowing and the light vanishing from his eyes. ‘I did. We had some good times. Never a dull moment.’ He paused. ‘Until the accident. There were a few magical years with someone very special too. But that was a long time ago.’

‘Milah?’ Emma asked tentatively.

‘Aye,’ he sighed and scratched behind his ear, unwilling to make eye contact.

‘Oh, Killian, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring you down. Here’s a deal for you. As we both normally have challenging Christmases, why don’t we have a virtual one together this year? We can keep each other company, without having to go overboard on the festivities.’ She wanted to reach out and squeeze his hand, provide a gesture of comfort, but the thousands of miles between them made that impossible.

‘Sounds like a fine plan, Swan. Let’s do it.’ Emma could see him rallying himself. ‘Now let’s talk about something else other than why we don’t like the holidays.’

They chatted for what seemed like hours, and quite possibly was, agreeing to speak again the next day.

-----------

Saturday morning, had Emma feeling more positive about the forthcoming holiday than she had in years. That was, until she checked her Facebook feed and saw the pregnancy announcement that Neal and Tamara had made. She kicked herself for letting things like that get to her. Neal was ancient history. It wasn’t as if she still had feelings for him. But it still sucked that after his betrayal all those years ago - where he had unceremoniously hung her out to dry - that he was the one who found love and happiness. He got to have the family he had promised her 17 year old self. And yet here she was spending Christmas alone. Again.

Determined not to wallow in self pity, she poured her second coffee of the morning and called Mary Margaret to wish her and David safe travels. Mary Margaret’s festive cheer was normally highly contagious, and this morning she was as effusive as ever. As they chatted, she waxed lyrical about the three different types of cupcakes and the two batches of sugar cookies she had been baking up until 2am. She told Emma of the hand-crafted gifts she had made for David and Ruth, mentioning that Emma would receive her gift when they returned at the end of the month. Christmas couldn’t help but be magical when Mary Margaret was involved.

Normally Emma would be part of that too, albeit in small manageable portions. As they spoke it dawned on her that this year she would be completely alone, all her closest friends over 1000 miles away. Feeling another wave of sadness rapidly approaching, Emma wrapped up the call and agreed to meet Mary Margaret on New Years Eve when they returned, with a further promise of a phone call on Christmas Day.

As she hung up the call, the sadness she had so desperately been trying to push deep down through the soles of her feet reared up with a vengeance, and the tears started to flow. It was like a dam bursting; what began as a sniffle quickly became violent sobbing that took her completely by surprise. Unsettling as it was, in the back of her mind she realised that this moment was probably overdue. Not normally one for expressing her feelings, many painful thoughts had been held in submission for too long. Unable to bring the sobbing under control, she relented and gave in to the outpouring of emotions, hugging a cushion to her chest as she slid to the floor her back leaning against the couch.

After what seemed like hours, but was in truth only a few minutes, the tears subsided and Emma began to feel like herself again. She was just about to reach for the box of tissues on the table beside her when her phone rang. Killian! Dammit! She couldn’t talk to him like this. They had become incredibly close these last few months, but she hadn’t cried in front of him yet, and that was a level of vulnerability she didn’t think she could manage just now. So she sent the call to voicemail. A minute later, he called again, and as before, she sent it straight to voicemail. Shortly after, her phone buzzed with a message notification.

Swan, I know you’re rejecting my calls, is everything ok?

Not up for talking right now, Jones

Now I’m worried. What happened? Are you alright?

I’m fine, I’ll call you soon.

Promise?

Promise

As her last message sent, Emma realised that she did want to talk to Killian about her sorrows. If anyone would understand the loneliness that Christmas could bring it would be him. Plus, she found herself wanting to share more and more of herself with her friend these days.

She stood up, walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Her face was puffy, her eyes bloodshot from the tears and her nose was redder than Rudolph’s. She splashed some water on her face to cool her cheeks, pulled her hair up into a messy bun and then went to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. Armed with caffeine, she grabbed her phone and started a facetime with Killian, figuring that if she was going to confide in him, then she wanted to be able to look him in the eyes.

Within moments, his handsome face filled her screen, his brow furrowed and his blue eyes full of concern.

‘You’ve been crying.’ It wasn’t a question. Emma nodded her head and bit her lip in response. ‘Talk to me, Swan,’ he continued softly, ‘you can tell me anything.’

‘I know, and I will tell you,’ she began, ‘but before I do, you need to understand that I’m not normally like this. I don’t wallow in self pity. I’m not some damsel in distress. Nobody saves me but me.’

‘Understood.’ He smiled, ‘I was under no illusion that you needed rescuing, love.’

He said nothing more, just nodded to her encouragingly and waited until she was ready to tell her story. With a deep breath she began, starting with Neal, telling Killian how she had fallen for an older man in her teens. A man who had promised her the world and then had abandoned her - quite literally leaving the country - when she told him she thought she was pregnant. It had turned out to be a false alarm, but by then Neal was in the wind.

‘So when I saw the Facebook notification this morning that he and his fiance are expecting a child…’

‘It opened old wounds?’

‘Yeah,’ she whispered, a fresh wave of tears threatening to fall.

‘If you don’t mind me asking, love, given that he hurt you so much, how are you seeing him on social media?’

‘Oh yeah, that!’ Emma huffed. ‘I wish I wasn’t. An old friend of mine, August, who also knows Neal, commented on the post so it appeared on my newsfeed. Normally I just skim over anything to do with him, but this one stood out.’

‘I sense that isn’t the only thing that upset you this morning Emma,’ Killian continued, his eyes searching her face as if for clues.

‘No, you’re right. It’s not.’ Her shoulders sagged as she twisted a loose strand of hair around her fingers, not looking at Killian. ‘I spoke to Mary Margaret and she was so excited about going to Wisconsin with David. And I, I just felt, I don’t know…’

‘Lonely?’

‘Lonely,’ she agreed, and this time the tears did fall. Not to the ugly sobbing extent of earlier but enough that she couldn’t hide them from Killian.

‘Oh, love,’ he murmured. ‘I wish I could be there with you right now. I think you need a hug.’

Emma nodded, breathing deeply to get her emotions back under control once again.

‘Thank you for listening, Killian. It really has helped. And I’m sorry that you had to see me in such a state. Like I said, I’m not normally like this.’

‘You have nothing to apologise for lass, you are lovely in every way. And if I might be so bold, even your nose running and tear tracks down your cheeks doesn’t detract from how beautiful you are.’

‘Charmer!’

‘I prefer dashing rapscallion!’ Emma tried to stifle a snort. ‘See? At least I made you smile, love.’ Killian looked like he wanted to say more, but was holding himself in check.

‘You did. I think I’m going to get dressed and head out for some fresh air. Clear my head.’

‘Ok well if you want to talk again later I’ll be here. And if not we’ll chat again tomorrow, aye?’

‘Yes, thank you again, Killian.’

-----------------

As she lay in bed that night, Emma wondered, not for the first time that day, whether there was any deeper meaning to Killian’s comments about her being beautiful. In recent months, their conversations had become more personal, and affectionate. There had been the beautiful bracelet for her birthday. He had taken to calling her ‘love’, though she was sure that that was just a figure of speech. It couldn’t mean any more than that, could it? Even so, it was irrelevant given the small matter of the Atlantic Ocean sitting between them. They’d never even met in person, although she hoped in the coming year she would be able to rectify that. Perhaps she could take a trip to London?

It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world though, would it? He was a very attractive man, he was kind, thoughtful, funny, handsome, attentive, supportive, incredibly good looking (she might have already covered that one). And he was one of her best friends. Maybe Emma did have feelings developing for him, or maybe she was just transferring her loneliness into romantic feelings because he was always so attentive.

When Emma woke on Sunday morning, her news app reported storms sweeping Britain and causing untold damage. Still cocooned under her blanket, she fired off a quick text to Killan to make sure he was unaffected.

Afternoon, Jones. Just read about the storms, hope you’re okay

Morning Swan :) All good for now. Expecting London to get the brunt of it sometime this evening. How are you feeling today?

Much better thanks. I’ve just woken up, are you still good to talk in a couple of hours?

Glad to hear it. Can we make it 10 your time? I’ll need to pop out mid afternoon.

Perfect, speak soon x

Looking forward to it x

Emma re-read the last two messages again. She hadn’t intended to put a kiss at the end of hers, it wasn’t something she and Killian did. Emojis yes, kisses no. She was even more surprised when he returned the gesture. She needed to stop reading into things. It probably didn’t mean anything. Friends put kisses at the end of text messages all the time.

Eventually, after scrolling through her various newsfeeds and dashboards on every app on her phone, she dragged herself out of the warmth of her bed, had a shower, and made coffee and pop tarts. It was, in her opinion, a perfectly balanced breakfast and ideal for someone in hibernation. She was flicking through her choices on Netflix, trying to find something non-Christmassy when her phone rang.

‘Hello.’

‘Hello, Swan.’

‘You sound funny, Jones. What’s that noise in the background?’

‘That would be the wind, love.’ The background roaring was distorting Killian’s voice.

‘That sounds far too loud to be inside.’

‘That’s because I’m not. I decided to go out earlier than I’d originally intended as the weather is closing in. I’ll be inside in a moment so you should be able to hear me better.’

‘What was that? I can barely hear you!’ Emma shouted.

‘Hang on, Swan!’ Emma kept the phone to her ear as she focussed again on her Netflix choices, waiting for Killian to start talking again.

‘Sorry love, that was a bad idea to call you while I was outside. Can you hear me now?’

‘Yes, but it’s still really noisy. Where are you?’

‘I’m at, eh’ he paused, ‘a train station. So you might hear announcements over the tannoy.’

‘Are you going somewhere?’ His hesitation seemed off, but Emma assumed he was just distracted by his surroundings.

‘Just taking shelter for now.’ They chatted for a few minutes, Emma only partly paying attention to the conversation as she finally decided on binge watching The Crown for a few hours.

‘Well, love, I suppose I’d better venture back out again if I’m going to succeed in my Christmas Eve quest. I reckon I’ll be up late tonight so we can talk again this evening if you wish?’

‘That sounds good. I’m not planning on moving from the couch anytime soon so call me anytime. Be safe, Killian.’

The rest of the day passed unremarkably, Emma stuck to her plan of hibernation, moving only occasionally from the couch when nature called or she needed snacks. She maintained a running commentary for Killian on Whatsapp of the highlights of each episode, with occasional selfies of herself snuggled up under a blanket, or of her latest mug of hot chocolate. The first few he read and commented on, but after that he went silent. She assumed he was focused on getting back from his mission into the warmth and safety of his home.

She sent him a text mid afternoon, in case the weather was causing internet issues for him. Certain that he would be home by then and keen to hear how his day had gone. No reply. He had been particularly vague about his ‘quest’ when she had questioned him - he’d joked that it was ‘Top Secret’ and that details could only be given out on a need-to-know basis. Perhaps he’d called in to see a friend on the way home, she thought. Or gone for a Christmas Eve pint with the lads.

Emma sent another text an hour later, when the first had still gone unanswered.

Just checking you’re okay, Jones. Let me know you got home safely, please.

Half an hour later there was still no reply and a little ball of anxiety set root in Emma’s stomach.

Jones, are you okay?

By 6pm, Emma was starting to fret. Killian’s radio silence continued. Her multiple text messages remained ignored or unseen, and there was still no tick mark to show that he had read the messages on Whatsapp. Facebook Messenger showed that he had been active 6 hours ago. He was tagged in a post by his friend Robin, who had indeed been out for pints with some of their mutual friends, and remarked on his unexpected absence. Clearly he had planned to meet them for drinks and hadn’t shown. That didn’t necessarily mean anything; he might have cancelled on them a couple of days ago. He might have met up with other people for a drink instead. Even so the knot in her stomach tightened, the longer he stayed out of contact. She called his number but it went straight to voicemail.

‘Killian, I’m starting to worry. Call me, please.’

Under other circumstances Emma would think nothing of him being out of contact for a few hours. It was partly because she knew that the storm winds were building, he had said that London would be getting the brunt of it about now. It was also because they had agreed to speak later on, and she expected him to be around by now. Something didn’t feel right about this. He wouldn’t have agreed to speak later if he was going out for the evening, besides he had said he was just popping out. That implied that he would be returning home within an hour or so. It had been 8 hours.

The minutes and hours ticked by slowly, and Emma’s apprehension steadily increased. When she wasn’t searching the internet for news updates in the UK she was pacing her apartment and working her way through a bottle of wine. She almost sent Robin a message at one point to see if he knew where Killian was, but then stopped herself as she didn’t know him and it felt a little too much in the realms of clingy girlfriend. Wait, what? She wasn’t Killian’s girlfriend so why would she even be thinking of herself in those terms? And as for clingy. Emma didn’t do clingy. She was fiercely independent.

It must be the wine talking.

When midnight approached with still no word, Emma reluctantly decided to go to call it a night, although she very much doubted that she would sleep a wink. Setting an alarm so that she could try and find out what had happened to Killian first thing in the morning, she climbed into bed. She sent one last text and then turned out the light.

Merry Christmas, Killian, hope you are okay. Thinking of you x

Her phone buzzing on the nightstand woke her from a rapidly fading dream that hazily seemed to involve someone who looked a lot like Killian and a hell of a lot of kissing. She groaned, telling herself that the dream was simply a manifestation of worrying about him all day. Although, she had to admit that making out with him in her dream had certainly been enjoyable. Something to dwell upon to later. Why was she awake? Her phone, right. What time was it?

Emma reached across and grabbed her phone. 2.07am. Who was sending messages at this hour?

I’m so sorry for worrying you, Emma. I’ve just got your messages and missed calls. I promise I will explain everything when you wake up in a few hours x

Where are you, Killian? What the hell happened? Are you okay?

Sorry for waking you. I’m fine. Honestly. You should go back to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.

No way, buddy. I’m wide awake. I’ve been so worried. Let’s talk now.

Whilst all of Killian’s previous texts had followed quickly on from hers, Emma got no response to her last message. She had felt enormous relief when she saw the first text from him but now the anxiety of the afternoon and evening returned quickly as something felt off, once again.

Fifteen minutes later, as she sat in bed scrolling through news feeds again, her phone finally rang.

‘Killian?’

‘Sorry again, Swan. I wasn’t expecting you to be awake and was in the middle of something so couldn’t call right away.’

‘Where were you yesterday? I was so worried! I thought something had happened, that you had been injured in the storm.’ She could feel herself starting to ramble. ‘I checked every UK news site I could find to see if there were any updates.’

‘Emma…’

‘I almost got in touch with Robin to see if he knew anything, and I probably would have done that in the morning if there was still no word from you.’

‘Emma love…’ Killian tried to interrupt again.

‘And I know that maybe that would have been overkill, but I was so worried! So tell me, what happened to you yesterday? Where did you go?’

‘I promise I can explain and I will, in detail. You know, you really should get the security door to your apartment block looked at, love. Anyone can get into the building.’

‘What does that have to do with anything? And how would you know that? Killian, where are you?’ Emma stood up ready to begin pacing again if she didn’t get answers soon.

There was a soft knock on her front door.

‘Is that? Was that? What the hell is going on Killian?’

‘Open the door, love, please.’

Emma dropped her phone onto the bed and ran to the front door. Pulling it open she was stunned to find Killian Jones standing before her, his phone still pressed to his ear and a small suitcase at his feet. Without giving it a second thought Emma dragged him into the apartment, wrapped her arms around him and peppered his face with kisses, causing him to chuckle. The sound brought her back to her senses and she pulled back, punching him hard on the shoulder.

‘That was for worrying me.’

‘Ouch! Okay, I know I deserved that. Talk about a warm welcome. Or at least the part before the violence was warm!’ He smiled nervously and his hand rose up to scratch behind his ear as he rocked back on his heels.

‘How are you here? Actually no, hang on a second, don’t answer that yet!’ Emma pinched her arm, and then rubbed her eyes. ‘Just checking that I am actually awake.’

She looked Killian up and down. He was definitely better looking in the flesh than on her screen. His raven black hair was all disheveled, his eyes a crystalline blue, slightly red rimmed and he looked about as tired as she felt. His stubble ran down his neck, drawing her eyes to the tufts of chest hair poking out the top of his grey henley. His black jeans were tight, and, - no. She stopped herself. Eyes back up - she absolutely wasn’t looking at how well fitting they were.

‘Is it okay that I’m here?’ Killian asked, looking more anxious than she have ever seen him in their hundreds of video calls.

‘Yes, yes, of course. It’s just a surprise you know?’ Emma started walking towards the sitting room, ‘Come on through, take a seat.’ She gestured to the couch in front of them. I’m just going to grab my robe. Be right back.

Dashing to her bedroom, Emma closed the door behind her and leaned back against it. All of her earlier worries had been replaced with deep relief and what might be joy. She had so many questions, but at least Killian was safe and well. And here in her apartment. In Boston. Her best friend was from London was here in Boston in the middle of the night. Oh good grief she’d kissed him. That was going to be awkward to move on from. Taking a deep breath she grabbed her robe, and hoped that it would cover the blush that had crept across her chest in the last five minutes. She looked herself over in the mirror, running her fingers through her hair to try and comb out some of the bed-head tangles, then returned to the living room to her unexpected yet very welcome guest.

As she approached, Killian grinned over at her and patted the couch beside him for her to sit. ‘Has the shock worn off yet, Swan?’

‘Kinda,’ she answered with a hesitant smile, settling herself at the other end of the couch and making sure to keep a gap between them. ‘So are you going to tell me how on earth you are here instead of London?’

He scratched behind his ear again. ‘It was supposed to be a surprise. Which, I guess, it still is. But I promise you, it wasn’t supposed to cause you so much worry in the process.’ Killian started to reach across to touch her arm, but then seemed to think better of it and ran his hand through his hair instead.

Emma inched a little closer and nodded for him to continue.

‘When I called you yesterday afternoon and told you I was in a train station, I was actually just arriving at the airport. I had hoped we could have a full conversation while I was en route to Heathrow and then the next thing you would have known I’d have been arriving at your door sometime around 8.30pm your time.’

‘It’s nearly 3am, you’re more than 6 hours late.’ Emma gasped, ‘I’m guessing the plan derailed then? I have so many questions!’ She pulled her knees up to her chest and leant towards him intrigued.

‘And I will answer them all, but yes the plan went somewhat awry. The weather was awful, and we couldn’t hear each other, so there was no way I could stand outside the airport. I thought that once I had gone through check-in I could call you again from the departure lounge, and then let you know that I’d be out of contact for a few hours.’

‘But you didn’t.’ Emma murmured.

Killian winced. ‘Sadly, no. The incoming storm played havoc with my signal. I had wi-fi for a short while I was still in the concourse but for some reason not at the departure gate, which was how come I only managed to reply to some of your first messages.’

‘Ok, that explains how come you went quiet on me for the first few hours, but that doesn’t account for the missing 6 hours!’ Emma reached across and laid her hand on his knee. ‘I can’t begin to explain how worried I was about you.’

‘I have an inkling, love.’ He put his hand on top of hers, and gave it a gentle squeeze. Their eyes met, Killian’s expression was hopeful and as Emma held his gaze she wondered if he might perhaps be feeling the same way she was. There had to be a reason for him sitting on her couch at this unearthly hour on Christmas morning.

‘So,’ she said putting an end to whatever moment they were having. ‘Those six hours?’

‘Ah yes. The plane was an hour and a half late in boarding. Then there was a problem with the air-conditioning unit, so we had to wait for an engineer to fix it before take off. And then because we had been so delayed already, I guess we had to wait for a new runway slot. We took off nearly four hours later than scheduled in the end. The flight finally landed around midnight. It wasn’t until I got on the plane that I realised that both my phone charger and my power bank were packed in my hold luggage rather than my carry on, so even though I would have had signal again when we arrived I still couldn’t get in touch as my battery was completely flat. I wanted to let you know what was happening, I hope you believe that.’

Emma nodded, ‘I do.’ She smiled. ‘That takes up until midnight. There’s still a two hour gap.’

‘I said that we landed at midnight, Swan, I didn’t say we got off the plane then!’ He chuckled. ‘It took another 45 minutes before we could taxi along to the arrival gate. And then there was another delay waiting for backs to be unloaded. When I sent that message after 2, I’d just walked through customs.’

‘Wow, some journey! And I haven’t even offered you a drink. I’m a terrible host.’ She stood up and walked to the kitchen area on the other side the room. I’d offer you coffee but that’s probably not wise at this time of night. Hot chocolate? I might be able to manage tea, I think.’

‘Hot chocolate will be fine, love.’ Killian joined her in the kitchen, watching in amusement as she darted between cupboards and the fridge finding the necessary ingredients, a nervous energy radiating off her. She could feel his eyes boring into her, but she didn’t dare ask her next question, trepidation filling her about what the answer would be.

‘I can hear you thinking, Swan.’

Emma turned to him. ‘It’s just... I know how you got here, but I still don’t know why.’

Killian took a step towards her and reached round to turn the hob off under the milk. Gently he pulled her into his arms and walked them back a couple of steps, away from the stove until they were leaning against the breakfast bar.

‘Do you really not know why?’ Emma shook her head, digging her teeth into her bottom lip as she looked up at him. She swallowed, deciding to take a leap of faith.

‘I have an idea, but I guess I don’t dare let myself believe it.’

‘Well, love, let me tell you then. When we spoke on Saturday you were so sad that my heart broke for you. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around you, kiss you and make you feel safe and loved.’

‘So you flew halfway round the world?’

‘So I flew halfway round the world, to spend Christmas with you. It was risky, I know, given that you might not feel as I do.’ Emma’s breath caught as he reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear as he spoke. ‘But I realised that Christmas should be spent with the people that mean the most to us, the ones we love. And so here I am.’

‘You love me?’

‘Aye.’ he breathed.

‘Good.’ Emma smiled, tears glistening in her eyes and her heart trying to beat it’s way out of her chest.

Killian stroked his thumb across her cheek and closed the distance between them, pressing his lips softly against hers. As kisses go, Emma thought it might be one of the best in her entire life. It was was perfect, sweet and tender with a promise of more to come. As they separated, she sighed contentedly.

‘Happy Christmas Swan.’

‘Happy Christmas Jones.’

#csss #cs secret santa #christmas fic

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