A ramble about hidden disability lanyards and early expression of my identity
i wear my hidden disability lanyard whenever i go out. it’s VERY decorated, with lots of pins on it, as well as keychains and stim toys clipped on. i am emotionally comfortable wearing it. it gives me something to communicate why i do certain things.
just now i was thinking about something i was asked in school; “Doesn’t it make you nervous that everyone around knows that you’re disabled?”
Hm. I had never thought about it that way. No, not really.
I mean, before I wore my lanyard, I still exhibited autistic traits and behaviours. people just called me weird and crazy for it. now, if they still wanna do that they’ll get (deserved) dirty looks.
Maybe it’s because of how I’ve interacted with my identity. I discovered I was some form of LGBTQ+ fairly young, maybe 9? Age isn’t a reliable marker of time for me. Anyway, I was also very much on the internet, and quickly discovered other people like me - people who were loud and proud about their identities, which gave me the confidence to be like that too. Because of this, I was very confident in that aspect of my identity (despite having issues everywhere else, as is - I think - usual for that age.). I expressed my queerness openly online and among my… nicer peers.
Perhaps my early experience in expressing my identity, as well as receiving backlash and ignorance for it, prepared me to be more confident in my neurodivergence?
I mean, in my mind, the worst they could say is some ableist rhetoric that I know is untrue, right?
Sure, some comments will stick with me for longer, (Looking at you, “Are you gonna get the Barbie set for your Christmas?” guy, who said that after making fun of my stim toys and comfort items I was actively using to regulate myself.)
but meh. I’ve lived through worse. I’ve heard worse, and worse comments come back to me when I’m feeling worse.
So I can handle it, genuinely.
It just made me a bit confused. The question from earlier, I mean.
Yes. Everyone around me knows I am disabled.
But they would’ve known anyway.
I might as well be proud of it!
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