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pearwaldorf · 2 months

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I have been trying to write this on and off for a while. I figure the second anniversary of the show is as fine an occasion as any to shove it out into the world. It is not everything I want to say about it, but I think the important bits are there.

It is a human impulse to be seen. To be told, through art, you are not alone. It is universal, but of special importance to people who are not well-represented in media (i.e. everybody who isn’t cis, white, able-bodied, skinny, and conventionally attractive).

This show speaks to me as a queer person who figured things out later than most of my peers. (Not quite as late as Ed and Stede but not terribly far off either.) It’s not super common to see queer media address this, and I didn’t realize how much I needed that reassurance until I got it. That it’s okay to find these things any time in your life. To be told “A queer is never late, they’re always fashionably on-time.”

They’re not my first canon queer ship. But they are the first ones where I knew it was true from the get-go. Multiple people assured me this was the case. And yet, I still didn’t believe it until I saw it with my own two eyes. This experience is not unusual for fans around my age.

After I finished up season one, I laid in bed and cried. It’s not something I thought would affect me so much, but it feels like a weight I’d carried so long I didn’t realize it wasn’t supposed to be part of me is gone.

One of the reasons people unfamiliar with the fandom seem to think it’s absolutely crazy (which some of it is, to be fair, but every fandom has that) is the way fans of the show get extremely super intense about it. It took me a few weeks to realize this is a trauma response. I’m not even sure “trauma” is the right word. It doesn’t interfere with my day to day function, but it lasted for years. Decades. So it was definitely something that fucked me up. And in the way you can only start to see something as you’re moving past it, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get my head around this. (I don’t know if I have anything to say about it yet. Maybe I need more time to sit with it.)

I know this sounds contrary, but I’m really glad David Jenkins does not come from fandom. Sometimes it’s good to know where a line is, and others it’s better to not know there’s a line at all. And this is, sad to say, remarkable to somebody who has had to deal with this for so long. With so many writers and showrunners aware of the line, and getting right up next to it, but never crossing it.

Imagine doing a show with a queer romance and not understanding why this was received with such emotion and fervor, because it’s just two people in love right? What blissful ignorance that this needed to be explained to him! And then he listened to people’s experiences with queerbaiting, and went “Oh my god you thought I was going to do WHAT?” And then you go “Huh. That is really fucked up.”

The problem with being told something enough, even though you know it’s wrong, is you start to believe it regardless. All the excuses and hedging. It’s so very difficult to do they tell us, when we hear from queer creators how they had fight tooth and nail to make it as gay as it already was.

And then comes Jenks, just yeeting it out there: majority queer and (not and/or. and) POC cast, an openly non-binary person playing an openly non-binary character. The ability to not have to make one queer (and/or) POC character speak for everybody, so you can inject a tiny bit of nuance into the conversation. The way you can tell more kinds of stories, like the one where the smol angry internalized homophobe comes into his own with the support of a queer community, even though he was a giant fucking asshole to them before.

So many people were like “You can just DO that? It’s really that easy?” And wasn’t that a fucking Situation, to have that curtain pulled aside. What next? Majority POC casts with stories about POC written by POC? Absolute madness. (Please please watch The Brothers Sun on Netflix. It’s so fucking good.)

And people will scoff and say “Of course a cishet(?) white man would be able to get this pushed through.” But do they usually? The thing I don’t think people understand about allies is they use their privilege to wedge the door open. You still have to do the work to get through, but at least you have a place to start. And it really fucking matters.

The press keeps trying to tell me The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin is the OFMD substitute we need while we float in the gravy basket. I’m sure it’s a perfectly fine show, but I don’t know who has watched OFMD and decided the itch we needed scratched was anachronistic historical comedy.

I want stories written by people that reflect their lived experiences, with actors and crew committed to bringing that to life. And I would like streamers and studios to commit to giving them a chance, and marketing them properly so people know they exist.

You can keep people satisficed with scraps for only so long. At some point, somebody is going to give them a whole seven course dinner and people will wonder why they’ve been putting up with starving this entire time.

#our flag means death #ofmd #our flag turns 2 #pear watches ofmd #pear text

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bronx-bomber87 · 5 months

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Happy Wednesday amazing fandom :) This is a very emotional episode for Lucy. Melissa’s acting in this one is outstanding. All I want to do most of this episode is hug her. And tie Chris to the back of a truck and just drive…Our lovely couple are apart in this episode but it’s such a good one. I have a lot of Chris rage in this one so prepare yourself haha Let’s get started.

4x17 Coding

We start off with Tamara making Lucy breakfast. I love her natural instinct to take care of Lucy in these moments. Just like Lucy did and still does for her. I adore their dynamic so very much. Tamara is protective when they talk about today. She doesn't understand why Lucy has to do this. Noting Rosalind is already serving four life sentences. She doesn’t like that the DA is making her dredge up painful memories just to slap on more charges. Lucy tells her it’s important to make sure she’s charged as an accessory to Caleb’s crimes. That Rosalind needs to be held accountable for that.

Most of her victims didn't make it...She is one of the lucky ones and doesn't want to waste that. Can see a strong sense of justice brewing deep in her soul as she explains this. I love how strong she is being for Tamara. Showing her what a bad ass she is. Modeling that for her. Tamara still has worry in her eyes and says she’s coming with. That she will have snacks and puppy videos at the ready. Be her emotional support human. Since her normal emotional support isn’t with her today. Love them.

Speaking of Lucy's ESH he’s at the hospital with Nolan. His car crash victim was a a rough one. I can’t watch the cold open for this one ever. I did it once and I bawled my eyes out. I can’t do stuff with kids after becoming an auntie. Her being sad the popsicles were gonna melt for her kid. That her husband would be mad about the car.

Makes me think of my niece, nephew and my sister. I just can’t handle it. But kudos to the writers for evoking that out of me. Glad John was there in her final moments but it was rough to watch. Tim comes up to him and notices Nolan is still in shock about it. Gah I would be too. I still can’t handle rewatching it let alone living it.

Tim is so wonderful and gives John some good perspective about it. That yeah it was rough and tragic no doubt about it. But that girl is going to get a new heart because of it. Tells him to try and focus on the silver lining of it all. Love this man. His empathy has grown leaps and bounds since we first met him. Was always there Lucy just needed to get it out of retirement when they met.

Lucy and Tamara arrive at the DA's office and we can see Lucy tense up. Just being in the office is setting her off already. She tells Tamara she’s going to the bathroom. She is so sweet and asks if she needs her come with? Lucy tells her no she handle that solo. We watch Lucy escape into a stairwell. Poor thing is in an absolute panic. Rubbing her DOD tattoo trying so hard to ground herself. I’ve been there where something just triggers your PTSD.

All you need is to find somewhere to expel all that energy surging through you. Because she is having an intense fight or flight moment. She is desperately trying to ground herself. Breaks my heart because I love her. Also because I’ve been her. I know this feeling she is experiencing. Nothing worse than getting engulfed in that sort of emotion. It's like the walls are closing in on you. It's what creates that flight instinct and you just need to get out just to breathe.

To be able to function at all. You can feel the panic rising in your throat and you’re drowning in it. Poor thing is getting flashes of what happened to her. It's taking her right back there. We watch her take a deep breath trying to reset her body. She clearly doesn’t want Tamara to see her like this. Ugh. This is just fuel for my hate fire later when I wanna bitch slap the clown. My heart hurts for her in this ep. It really does.

Tim is still at the hospital with Nolan. He continues his sweetness with John. Saying if he needs to see a counselor he can. Won’t be any charge to him. Look at our sweet empathetic Tim. I love it so much my heart is gonna burst. Their chat is interrupted by the hospital shutting down.

They find out quickly the man before them is ransoming the hospital to get his wife the heart. Wanting to steal it from that young girl for his wife instead. Threatens that he’ll shut down their entire network if they don’t do so. Tim looks pissed as hell. Which is kinda sexy tbh. They’re at his mercy it would seem...

Lopez comes charging in clearly ready for a fight. Asking for a status update on everything. They have the husband and wife separated atm. Her husband is being held in a conference room with an officer. Angela wants Tim to take a run at Jonah and sends Nolan to crack the wife. Hoping either the IT dept. will crack the hold on the network or they guys will get one of the spouses to fold.

Nolan is a swing and a miss with the wife. So we cut to Tim and Jonah. Tim looking particularly fine as he questions the husband. Has his hard stance going on trying to get this guy to crack. Telling him to dial back the threats that if he scales back now it won’t be as bad.

It’s here we see a man with nothing to lose. We watch Tim soften a little bit. It's when he says his wife is his entire life. Tim can relate to that and it shows as he’s listening. Doesn't last long though. He goes back into cop mode when Jonah starts threatening again. Saying soon enough something else will start with a new phase. It’s here we see a complete lock out of the system for the staff. Phase 2 has started.

We rejoin Lucy at the DA’s office. Chris has to take over since her normal person is out sick. He tried to reschedule but Lucy pushes against this. Saying they’re professionals and she can do this. I think she just wants it done and over with tbh. I hate how he questions her though. With this smug authority I cannot stand.

The more he pokes at the wound the more we see Lucy get agitated. Like a cornered animal being poked and prodded. Ready to lunge and attack at the slightest provocation. He is questioning everything about Caleb being connected to Rosalind. We watch her go back into fight or flight mode. As she examines the pictures and gets more flashes of her time in that horrible barrel.

Love her snapping at Chris when he says he’s just ‘Wants her to be ready.’ Schmuck.... He has this semi smile the entire time and I just wanna clean his clock so badly. He is beyond insensitive about this entire thing. Not reading her body language whatsoever. Seeing how tightly wound she is. I wish Tim could be there for her. He would be a much better rock for her. I hate Chris and this episode just ramps that right up.

Then comes the moment I was to punt Chris down the stairs. Like skipping a rock across the water. See how many flights I can get him to fall down with just my rage. He starts singing her barrel song like the dumbass he is. Showing the clueless SOB he truly is. Melissa crushes this scene though. The shaky way she delivers her lines. How she backs up every time Chris tries to approach her. Needing as much distance as she can get in that room.

The way she snapped at him earlier should've been evidence enough. The writing on the wall was there. He just needed to be extra sensitive. What does he do? Sing that song. It’s the way he says ‘Yeah it’s evidence.’ All cavalier. No clown it’s visual proof of the worst and most traumatic moment of her life. It is far more than just evidence you stupid schmuck. That was her death song. She thought it was over and she sang that as a way to comfort herself. It’s a deeply intimate and emotional thing for her. He’s treating it like it’s just part of the case.

We can see how the thought of him watching it is wrecking her. He keeps trying to close the gap and she keeps widening it. He is pushing her physical boundaries when she is screaming for him to stay away. Being the clueless oaf he is Chris continues to try. Saying he’s sorry, he’s in the DA office, blah blah blah. Meaningless words to her in this moment. Her saying ‘Yeah you said that already…’ She is disassociating in this moment. Trying to distance herself from him. Because he has wounded her and she needs time to regroup.

I hate that stupid semi smile on his face still. He’s truly not understanding what she needs in this moment. Makes my blood boil. Further proof he's not the guy for her. Tim can read every emotion. Know exactly what she needs. Then there is this putz. Shouldn't be allowed to breathe the same air as her at this point. Lucy has to practically beg him to give her a moment alone. Shaking and absolutely wrecked emotionally. I hate this so very much for her. She is in serious distress right now.

He's so selfish all he can thinking about is absolving his involvement. Not reading her emotional state whatsoever. Trying to push past her boundaries. She finally makes him go away. He storms off like a child. I'm shaking at how mad I am rewatching this. Especially with carrying PTSD myself. One of my trauma triggers is my physical boundaries being pushed. He had no damn right to impose himself on her like that. Chris has already proven he’s not the guy for her. This was the nail in his coffin IMO for that. What an absolute clown this man is….Melissa killing me softly with this scene.

We return to Tim and Nolan at the hospital. Someone has died due to Phase 2. So the hospital gives into his demands. Let’s his wife get the heart. I love how Tim wants to clean this guy's clock. Telling him to lose the attitude. Gah if he only knew what was going on at the DA’s office. His rage would be ten times what it is right now. Jonah restores the lights but only for the OR. Tells them he wants to be there for his wife’s surgery. To make sure they’re really doing it. This guy is something else. Tim re-cuffs him and they head to the OR together.

Lucy finds Chris and he jumps up and apologizes again. She cuts him off not having time for his BS. This isn't about you bub. She asks for him to get her the video. That he’s seen it and half the lawyers in this bidding have. But she hasn’t. Chris tells her it’s incredibly hard to watch. Lucy doesn’t care and tells him she needs to see it. My girl I just wanna hug her. Also I’m so damn proud of her for standing up for what she wants.

Chris having no leg to stand on agrees to show it to her. He has the gall to ask if he should stay? Obviously not you friggin stunad…Got me so angry I’m calling him an idiot in Italian. He really doesn’t get it. It’s ridiculous. After how she reacted earlier. How she's been this entire time you’d think she was going to say yes? The last thing she needs is your stupid ass there. She thanks him for the video. He doesn’t deserve that,

All he deserves is a swift kick to the nads. So he doesn't reproduce little clueless offspring….Whoever set up these shots did a good job btw. They are so well done. She’s psyching herself up to press play. The shot of her with her ring. We see it visible on her hand. The ring that saved her life. The ring Tim found and held onto until she was ready to have it back. Trying to ground herself before watching this. The way her hand shakes before she hits play gets me all in the feels.

Melissa continues to crush this scene. Watching her watch that video makes me wanna cry. It’s so hard to watch her witness the worst moment of her life. Once again another beautiful shot of Melissa above. The way she closes her eyes as she listens to herself sing, the way she touches her lips in an anxious manner, the ring close to her as she continues to listen. Having the object that saved her close to her as she watches. Like a safety blanket as she takes in the video.

You can see her whole body trembling as she tries to get through it. Hurts my damn heart to watch unfold. Serious props to Melissa for conveying so damn much in this short scene. Lucy trying to prove to herself she is strong by watching this. By going through with this whole thing at all. Trying to push down all the emotions eating away at her. Last ep all I did was laugh. This one all it does is hurt my heart. Hurt for her. It's so good though.

We return to the hospital. They’re wheeling Jonah’s wife back. Tim is super stern with him and I’m here for it. You tell him babe. Directs him not to mess with the surgeons or how they do their job. Is that understood? Jonah goes on to say how he never would since it’s saving his wife. The saddest part is next. The father of the daughter they’re stealing heart from comes after them.

Trying to kill his wife because if he does his daughter will live. The love a parent has for their kid is immense. How it it should be really. Sadly he gets arrested and Jonah continues on like it's nothing. Like he isn't destroying lives with this decision of his. They have to continue their march towards the OR despite this. Because Jonah still holds all the cards right now.

This next part gets me right in the feels. Nolan is able to get his wife to listen to the daughter. Her speech gets me teary every time. What a strong and amazing young woman to say what does. Did what Nolan couldn't do in the first place. Build rapport and get her to break. To change her mind on this whole thing. I think it's the fact that she forgives this woman that gets her to break. To let her know she forgives her even thoush she's taking away her second chance. This episode is all kinds of emotional in the best way.

His wife withdraws consent after that. Says she can’t do this anymore. Just like that it's over. Or so we we think. Jonah tries to turn off the ransomware but can’t. His partners have locked him out and want a ransom to unlock it. One the hospital cannot afford. Tim and John are escorting Jonah out now. He’s going on about needing to be there for his wife. Tim tells him he gets nothing since he let someone die. He’s going to prison for a murder charge.

John steps in and says if he can tell them who he’s working with they can help. It's possible Jonah can get bail so he can spend what time she has left with him. He lets them know who he was hired by. That it was their idea to hack the hospital. Saying they’d pay him to build the ransomware. He was an easy target due to his medical debt. He’s slowly figuring out they were just a means to an end. Tells them the IT dept. can track messages they sent him.

Cue to sexy OP Tim mmm. Tactical Tim is one of my favs. Also nice shots of his ass and I’m not complaining LOL The house is empty once they clear it. They're worried they've already left or haven't been here for awhile. Tim noting it has to be here. No way they could run that kind of software on a laptop. They decide check outdoors and Nolan see's transformer with a cable running from it.

Tim follows Nolan as he sees a massive cable running along the grass. They trace it to a container on the property. This is where the hackers are set up. Nolan tells one of them they can have a deal the other gets way more jail time. Just depends on who answers him first. One of the hackers easily gives up their partner in a flash. Tim's ‘Good answer’ cracks me up LOL I love him.

Lucy is in an emotional coma when Tamara and Chris check in on her. Really it's Tamara that says they should. Chris has no drive to check on her himself. He tried knocking once and gave up. Tamara is the one to push it and make them enter the room. She doesn't have time for Chris to grow some balls to check on her. Dipshit I mean Chris asks her if she watched it? Not a single brain cell in that head is there? How did you make it through law school sir? Seriously? Of course she watched it you idiot. I love Lucy for not testifying. This was so big for her to step away from. It was not an easy decision for her to make. Once again being the strong role model for Tamara.

I'm so proud of her for being courageous enough to watch that video. I get why she did. Everyone else had access to it. Seen it. I think it was part of her decision to move on. Her processing things was her realizing she had nothing to prove. Damn right you don’t. Screw Rosalind, screw Chris and this whole thing. Her saying she survived that felt like a call back to 2x12. Where Tim helped her see it wasn’t a failure but proof of what a survivor she is. His words sticking with her in this moment. I love it.

Tamara coming over and hugging her is the best part. She is so proud of Lucy for making this call. It was her's to make and a place she needed to get to on her own. If it had been up to Tamara she never would've gone through this at all. I love her telling her she is going to make dinner. They really are a make-shift family and it's so lovely to see. I just love them so much. How she instantly wants to take care of Lucy. Makes my heart happy in an ep where all I wanted to do was murder Chris.

How their relationship survived this episode I couldn’t tell you. His ass deserved to be dumped so very hard. Like a cat with nine lives. He keeps on ticking. When all he deserved was to be shut out of her life for good. Also of course Chris doesn’t cook... Chalk another one up for the clown. I seriously have zero idea what she sees in him. Other than just being lonely and wanting companionship. So ends this episode. I wanna say I’m sorry for all my Chris rage but I’m really not LOL

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

James and Nyla be cute. I love them. That be it.

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v0idwraith · 1 year

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so as the season goes on and it does look more likely that tedbecca will be the end game ship, i feel the need to remind everyone that we made up a good amount of tedependent on our own. we were not queerbaited by the writers or actors, and while it wouldn’t feel great if colin ended up being the only canonically queer person in the show, we weren’t promised anything (it would be nice if we didn’t have to rely on promises of representation at all and we could just assume a tv show will have representation, but thats another conversation entirely). i know we love tedependent and want it to go canon, but don’t get mad if it doesn’t

i personally would rather ted and rebecca stayed just friends but tedbecca shippers are totally valid!! and if tedbecca does go canon, then i will be happy for them and all of us tedependent shippers can get in our little clown cars and drive out to a little clown tea party where we can swap fanfic and fanart of the boys. on the other hand if tedependent does somehow go canon, i don’t wanna hear anyone talking down to tedbecca shippers. friendly rivalry is great and all but i do not want to see this fandom get stuck in a shipping war like a lot of other fandoms i’ve been in, it’s no fun for anyone

thats all! this isn’t directed at anyone in particular don’t worry (if anything it’s a reminder to myself to not be a dick), its just a general reminder to everyone to be mature and respect other people’s opinions

#also tedbecca shippers please be kind to us we know we look batshit insane sometimes #trent crimm #ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso season 3 #ted lasso #tedbecca #tedependent #ted x trent #ted x rebecca #rebecca welton

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henrysglock · 5 months

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Why on earth do people who seemingly have watched the play say: "ooh yeah Henry was still evil but atleast he is capable of emotions...and still he always put himself first...I don't want him redeemed". Like are you sure you watched the play???

I get that everyone focuses on different aspects while watching and maybe misinterpreted some scenes but daaamn.

People seem so mad that their "evil master manipulator child" is the true victim of the story. Which is ironic since most of them would consider a villain arc for Will completely justified.

Henry was 100% a victim in this play from start to finish. The only person or animal he killed because he wanted to was Virginia, and even that was exacerbated by Brenner and the Shadow.

“he’s evil but at least he shows some emotions” really skimps out on the parts where he’s shaking and sobbing about having lashed out and killed…anything. Not the just humans, but the animals too.

Not to mention: The part where he quite enthusiastically refuses to kill the inmate Brenner claims is expendable. The parts where he begs Patty to stay away from him because it’s not safe. The part where he’s tormented to panicking by visions of hurting her. The part where Henry creates a whole beautiful vision for Patty based on everything she’s ever dreamed of, where he makes her the star of her own life just because he wants to. The part where he asks her if they can just hang out and listen to music in the attic instead of risking using his powers because he’s afraid of them. The part where he stops the Shadow and saves Mr. Newby, to the point where Mr. Newby begs Patty to save Henry. The part where he breaks out of HNL without killing anyone just to try and save Patty from Brenner.

Henry is not evil in this show. He’s just not. He is manipulated on all sides, and he fights that manipulation tooth and nail. He fights to remain good right up until the very end, and even then we don’t get any confirmation that he’s evil in 1979.

Henry just…isn’t a bad guy, or the bad guy. Point blank. Period. The villains are the Shadow, Brenner, Virginia.

And this sentiment you mention, anon, is one i’ve encountered MANY times on bylerblr and the shipping fans of ST. Henry can never be good enough in their eyes…unless he kills himself. And even that would be called a cop-out by the writers. There’s really no convincing people that he was just a scared little boy atp (even though Joyce, verbatim, says “all men are just scared little boys” in the play).

So don’t you see, anon? Henry has to be innately evil or Will can’t be the perfect innately good uwu Hero Boy who’s never had a Single impure thought, making him The Stannable Character of all time. If they admit that Henry had the potential to be a really beautiful person, then they have to admit that Will could have been a truly horrific villain. It’s alllllll about circumstances, but admitting that would require viewing Henry with grace and nuance, which has been routinely proven impossible for the shipping subsection of the fandom.

#asks #st: tfs #tfs spoilers

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olderthannetfic · 9 months

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I appreciate the approach about being honest if, for instance, you don’t want trans headcanons in an exchange. I have that in my letter less because I totally hate all trans fic — there are some I have really enjoyed— and more because there are so many specific common things in trans fic that I don’t like (PIV, issuefic, any time it feels like the choice of which character to be trans is kind of gender essentialist e.g. “this woman must be AMAB because she has muscles/this man must be AFAB because he’s petite and pretty” or “this character who is a queeny gay man in a way a lot of IRL gay men are is actually a trans woman because obviously you wouldn’t be gender non-conforming unless you’re secretly trans”) that it just seems easier to DNW all of it rather than get particular in a way that might not be clear (especially with the last thing, which is subjective af, and kind of an I-know-it-when-I-see-it thing, and certainly not true of every fic that hcs those particular characters as trans, but it does ruin the fic for me when I do see it) or that might offend people (I’ve been in fandoms where people got super bent out of shape about how it was secretly transphobic of you to like M/M or F/F but dislike PIV). I got really bent out of shape at first about worrying it made me sound transphobic, and a friend had to be like, look, the people who are going to think that are going to think that anyway if you’re honest about your preferences, so you may as well just make it easier

Yeah. DNWs are appropriate for any of those "I know it when I see it" or "Be at least this skilled a writer" topics.

You just can't expect your assigned person to be a mind reader or brilliantly talented. It's better to steer them away from things that will end up annoying you when written "wrong".

And yes, people will get mad no matter what. A lot of them are people who desperately want to write their headcanon and not what their recipient actually likes, so they get mad at any request that tells them point blank to respect the recipient's tastes.

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elluia · 4 months

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My 2023 fanfic recs [1/5]

This is a multi-part series, with a countdown to the New Year!

Navigation

The best of Ike x Soren fanfics YOU ARE HERE

The best of Fire Emblem fanfics (Genealogy, Three Houses, Engage, Heroes)

The best of misc. series (Omori, Long Live The Queen, Stardew Valley)

The Spicy™ best-of (bonk)

My 2023 works recap (Fódlan and Tellius)

Let’s start with the best of Ike x Soren fanfics! To everyone’s surprise, FE blessed us with a lot of Soren content this year (an alt in January in Heroes, a DLC Emblem in Engage, and we finally won CYL!), and I am SO PROUD of the fandom for all the beautiful fanworks and projects I’ve seen come of it 💙 (I’ve finally received my copy of The Devoted zine 🥰)

A long list below the cut (with links!), and that's far from everything ✨ My eternal respect and gratitude to all the creators who made my year 💖

📚 Fanfics

Daylight by Traincat

This is peak shipping. Their entire journey, told through meals as they grow closer. 10/10, would cry again.

Prince of Shadowed Winds by Theia_Eos

An absolutely incredible Prince of Daein!Soren AU. Amazing use of the lore, perfect understanding of the characters, and still very close and respectful of canon. I can’t wait for the retelling of Radiant Dawn! (I’ll admit, I can’t bring myself to read the last two chapters and “end” for now T_T)

Radiance in Elyos by Azure_Aeraki

Incredible plot and storytelling from Emblem Soren’s perspective, and his hope to meet the Emblem Ike of the world he suddenly found himself in. And incredibly engaging story, get it?

Birdhouse in Your Soul by Aisene

The first fanfic I read in this fandom was from Aisene, is it really a surprise that I love her latest work? In this story, Bird!Yune follows Soren instead of Micaiah, and their bond is both hilarious and heartwarming at once.

Flowers Fall by Measured

Happy ending Hanahaki disease in 2023? Yes, please!

My life for yours by emblem_oracle

Also one of my long-time favourite writers for this ship. Soren takes what could have been a mortal blow for Ike, and this leads to… read it and find out?

Lonely Nightmare by SuperDuperStarry

Add Ranulf for the most wholesome of relationships? Don’t let the title fool you, it ends up really sweet!

And the story's all over you by Toothpaste_Fresh

Last but not least, a short angsty fic, and I won’t spoil it for you.

🎬 Video

I had to. It's perfection.

youtube

📝 My contributions

I’ll count them here rather than the FE part of this recap, because the ship is very much implied, they’re just not together yet 😉

A Cutting Truth

In the long summer spent in Begnion, the newly formed Crimea Liberation Army hones its skill before marching on Daein. Among them, the staff officer of the Greil Mercenaries makes a baffling choice. To be promoted as sage, Soren picks up a knife.

A look into Soren’s psyche through the second half of Path of Radiance.

The Strong Survive

A (canon-compliant) retelling of PoR’s Endgame, where Mad King Ashnard touches the medallion, and recognizes Soren. And what better way to make up for lost time than a duel to the death? After all… Only one Daein royal may survive.

Stay tuned for the FE fic recs tomorrow!

#fe9/10 #fire emblem #fic rec #fanfic rec #tellius #ike x soren #ikesoren #elluia writes #FE9 #FE10 #path of radiance #radiant dawn #Youtube #soren #ike

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duckprintspress · 4 months

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Meet the Aether Beyond the Binary Contributors: Mikki Madison

Today, we’re kicking off introducing y’all to the contributors to Aether Beyond the Binary, our currently crowdfunding awesome anthology of 17 stories set in aetherpunk settings starring genderqueer and non-binary characters, with an interview with writer Mikki Madison and excerpt from her contribution!

About Mikki Madison: Mikki Madison has been writing stories since she was seven years old. While she is most prolific in fanfiction and has works scattered among more than a dozen fandoms, she has been making strides into original fiction. Her favorite genres to read are romance, fantasy, and cozy mysteries. When she isn’t reading, writing, or falling headfirst into a new fandom, she can be found baking, doing puzzles, walking her foster dog, doting on her niblings, or playing Pokemon Go. She has also written under the name M. K. Mads. Link: Tumblr

Mikki Madison has been involved with Duck Prints Press since our first project, and has contributed to two previous anthologies: And Seek (Not) to Alter Me: Queer Fanworks Inspired by Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing and He Bears the Cape of Stars. She’s also written two short stories with the Press, one – The Fated Prince published on our webpage (and included in the contributor short-story bundle campaign add-on!) and It Happened on Maple Street, which is Patreon-backer exclusive.

Q&A with Mikki Madison

Are you a pantser, a planner, or a planster? What’s your process look like?

I’m a planner. I virtually always have an outline for any project I’m working on, whether it’s a quick scribbled bullet list or more involved note cards. The note cards are typically for novels, while short stories I can get away with something less involved. It helps to keep me on track and if the story veers while I’m writing, I can adjust either the outline or the story as I need to.

Do you like having background noise when you create? What do you listen to? Does it vary depending on the project, and if so, how?

It varies depending on project and also where I am. I have a bunch of story- or genre-specific iTunes playlists that I would listen to whenever I was at in-person write-ins, which usually contained movie and video game scores because I write most easily with instrumental music playing. So if I was writing a fantasy story, I’d have a playlist with the score from the LOTR movies or Final Fantasy games, and if it was a sci-fi story, I’d have Star Wars, and steampunk would be the movie scores from the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes movies. Recently someone in the DPP server shared a link to a YouTube channel with immersive writing sessions that are about 2 hours long, with 25-minute sprints interspersed with 5-minute breaks. I’ve been putting that channel on the TV while I’m writing at home and it’s really helped me focus!

What are your favorite snacks and/or drinks to consume while creating?

As you can probably tell from a glance at my Tumblr, I love tea. I’m virtually always drinking tea, especially when it’s cold outside.

What are your favorite tropes?

Found family is one of my absolute favorite tropes. I love seeing a disparate group of people come together to care about each other. I’m also a huge fan of rivals to lovers and second-chance romances. Plus, the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one!! I love it when the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one.

Tell us about your pet(s).

Right now, I don’t have any full-time pets – I foster dogs for a local rescue. I’ve had 9 dogs over the course of the past year, from 80-pound coonhounds to 3-pound chihuahua puppies. It’s been extremely rewarding and I’ve had so much fun getting to know all the different dogs. It’s hard when I have to let them go, but I know that they’re not “my” dogs and I’m happy that they’re getting to go to a forever family.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

This quote from E.L. Konigsburg: “Finish. The difference between being a writer and being a person of talent is the discipline it takes to apply the seat of your pants to the seat of your chair and finish. Don’t talk about doing it. Do it. Finish.”

Novels in particular are marathons, and finishing a story of that length is a skill you’ve got to build. It’s fine if it gets trunked, it’s fine if you never edit it, but I think especially as a younger writer, you really need to learn to at least finish that first draft. It helped me tremendously early on to focus on finishing my stories, instead of just editing the beginnings over and over and over.

What are your favorite resources and tools for your craft?

A friend of mine has gifted me a couple of writing-related card decks – one is a prompt deck called Writer’s XL Emergency Pack, another is a card game called Once Upon a Time. I’ve recently been using both to come up with short story ideas and it’s been really fun!

I draw anywhere from 3-9 cards, depending on the length of what I’m doing, and then start brainstorming how to use the different cards within a story. If I’m not feeling one of the cards, I discard it and draw another one.

For example, I was recently working on a story where I knew one of the MCs didn’t want to work with the other one, but I didn’t know why. I knew that was going to be a big plot point, but none of the ideas I’d come up with seemed to fit. So I started drawing some cards out of the Once Upon a Time deck to see if that might spark something. Three of the first cards I drew were “secret,” “wolf,” and “cure.” Bam! A secret werewolf looking for a cure. That gave me my motivation and helped me outline the back half of the story.

When you’re writing short stories for NaNoWriMo and you’re desperately trying to come up with something else for your word count, these are lifesavers. And I like the physicality of shuffling and drawing them.

Share five of your favorite books.

Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett – if you enjoy fantasy and comedy and you haven’t yet read the Discworld series, this is a fantastic place to start. The Night Watch books are probably my favorites and this one is excellent.

The Heiress Effect by Courtney Milan – Honestly I love all of Courtney Milan’s romance novels, but The Brothers Sinister series (of which The Heiress Effect is the second book) is really, really great. I love Jane, the heroine of this story, SO MUCH, and the secondary romance between her sister and a lawyer is so, so sweet. I’ve read it three or four times at this point.

The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune – I love found families and fantasy and romance, so this book was right up my alley and I read the entire thing in one go. The kids particularly were wonderful.

The Kaiju Preservation Society by John Scalzi – Another book I read in one go, and it was SO much fun that I couldn’t put it down. Scalzi’s sci-fi is both funny and accessible, and another thing I liked about this book was that the first-person POV and the unisex name (Jamie) meant that you can read the main character as any gender you’d like.

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers – I really loved the structure of this book: essentially several episodes of this ship’s crew becoming closer as they make their way across the galaxy on a yearlong journey to help create a new wormhole. It was both fascinating and heart-wrenching.

And my +1 (because we do 5+1 in fandom, yeah?): A Clash of Steel by C. B. Lee – This is a queer YA retelling of Treasure Island set in 1820s China, and it’s an absolute delight. Lee’s descriptions are so vivid that it feels like you’re actually there, and the romance is so, so good.

About Mikki Madison’s Aether Beyond the Binary Contribution

Title: Mixed Dough

Tags: bakery, bed and breakfast, character injury (permanent), character injury (serious), cults, death of a sibling (past), emotional hurt/comfort, food (graphic descriptions), gender exploration, gender non-conforming character, getting together, hurt/comfort, m/nb, non-binary, past tense, plane crash, tattooed, third person limited pov

Excerpt:

“Your plane crashed,” Jules explained. “You’re badly injured. Help is on the way. I’ll—”

The pilot’s eyes grew wide, and they struggled to speak. Jules leaned in closer, putting his ear as close to the pilot’s mouth as he dared.

“Where…?”

It was the only word Jules could make out. “You’re in New Blanchard. Or, well, just outside of it.”

The pilot’s eyes closed and their whole body sagged. “Thank fuck.”

They were still breathing, albeit barely, so Jules didn’t panic. He glanced back toward the bed-and-breakfast and the road; the ambulance lights were pulling into the driveway. “The ambulance is here. I’ll…”

His eyes fell on a tattoo peeking over the collar of the pilot’s shirt. In and of itself, that wasn’t a cause for concern, but given the shape and that the pilot had been in a gas-powered plane…

Jules pulled the shirt down to reveal a tattoo of three interlocking rings, about the size of a half-dollar.

Well. Shit.

Mikki Madison is one of 17 awesome contributors to this collection. Visit our Kickstarter Campaign page to learn all about the other contributors and this project!

#aether beyond the binary #duck prints press #mikki madison #queer anthology #nonbinary #lgbtqia

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autistic-ben-tennyson · 2 months

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In Defense of Julie Yamamoto

I want to talk about Julie as I’ve noticed she gets a lot of hate from all corners of the fandom. Omniverse fans consider her boring, some fans write her as a toxic girlfriend especially Bwen shippers and she got the short end of the stick from the writers. As an Asian American, I want more Asian rep as well so that’s another reason I’m defending her and am still salty about how OV treated her.

The thing is, she always tried to be supportive of Ben since the start of Alien Force. She was willing to help during Big Chill’s pregnancy and tried to reassure Ben after his identity was leaked. While she was upset with the way the arrogant clone acted in Duped, she accepted Ben had responsibilities as a hero. She only got mad at him after learning he snuck off to watch the Sumo Slammers movie. That wasn’t even the first time he did something like that. Back in Pet Project, he lied so he could stay home and watch a movie. That doesn’t make him a bad guy, he probably doesn’t get much time to himself as a hero. The problem is a lack of communication as they could have just talked about it.

As for the claim that she was boring, we see glimpses of her personality that go beyond tennis player. She’s a bit headstrong as she would often charge into danger, examples being Pet Project, Greetings from Techadon, and Inspector 13. She can be a bit stubborn about what she believes in and really wants to help people when joining the Flame Keeper’s Circle, something she shares with Ben who also has a hard time changing his mind and really enjoys helping people. It’s a shame we only saw her dad once. Something UAF didn’t do nearly enough was flesh out the characters families more. Let Julie interact with Carl and Sandra and vice versa. Have them stage an intervention with Ben and their concerns about his fame. Ben meeting Julie’s parents could have been a motivation to be a better boyfriend. Flesh out her relationship with her dad. Dwayne McDuffie was a big supporter of diversity in comics. It would have been a great opportunity to show a healthy Asian parent-child relationship as opposed to the Tiger parent stereotype.

Now onto Omniverse. For starters, like the AF trio, her design feels like a step in the wrong direction. Julie was always shown to be very mature and yet like Gwen, she dresses more like a 10 year old in OV. As @vreedleedleedle pointed out, her design looks much more like a racial stereotype than in UAF especially her eyes. Second, the end of Ultimate Alien made her important as a character where she was able to talk some sense into Ben when he was about to remake the universe in his image. You’d think from the ending that she’d be part of the team more often. Then OV doesn’t mention her until the end of season 2 where we learn they broke up. Even if you prefer them as just friends, they didn’t do nearly enough with her character and she doesn’t make another appearance till the harem episode where she’s used for jokes. Julie deserved better than how the writers or fans treated her and she’s not a bad girlfriend. She respected that Ben had a job to do and only got angry when he didn’t care about her interests. Again, them having flaws doesn’t make them bad people, they’re emotionally immature teens who’ve been through a lot of traumatic events. They’re going to make mistakes.

#ben 10 #ben tennyson #ben 10 alien force #ben 10 ultimate alien #ben 10 omniverse #julie yamamoto #ben x julie #benlie #ben 10 uaf #ben 10 analysis #fandom racism #asian american #ben 10 fandom

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andavs · 2 days

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @thekristen999

How many works do you have on ao3? 21

What's your total ao3 word count? 380,201

What fandoms do you write for? Working on some 911 that I haven’t actually posted yet, and Teen Wolf, which has shifted to the back burner because Eddie Diaz took over my brain.

Top five fics by kudos: A Crooked Way to Fly Tabula Rasa Gift Trapped From Ashes The Guard and Red

Do you respond to comments? I fully intend to. And then my inbox is full of comment notifications from six years ago. I'm sorry I know I suck!!!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don’t think I’ve written an angsty ending?

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? All of them, I think.

Do you get hate on fics? Occasionally someone will say they didn’t like the ending of Tabula Rasa, but that’s it. And I get it.

Do you write smut? Nah. Once I found out that the actors had seen my art (for both Teen Wolf and 911), that fourth wall imploded in my mind and now it makes me too uncomfortable.

Craziest crossover: I haven’t done proper crossovers, but I did a Sterek Shrek AU one time that was unexpected.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of. Someone once took a sketch, colored it in, and reposted it as their OCs, but that’s the closest.

Have you ever had a fic translated? I think so? I know people have asked to translate them, but I never actually checked after.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? As in putting my own words in a doc, no. But @petals42 and I collaborated a lot with brainstorming and plotting, and then she did the writing and I did the art.

All time favourite ship? To write? Tied between Sterek and Buddie. But I also love Veronica and Logan from Veronica Mars, and John and Aeryn in Farscape, even though I’ve never wanted to write or really read fic for them.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? My Teen Wolf season one rewrite! Stiles is Derek’s age and a deputy, and he and Derek knew each other in high school. I still love it, it was just a monster and I haven’t been in that mode for a long time. I still have hope! I want to! If only for my own satisfaction.

What are your writing strengths? I’ve been told I’m pretty good at in character dialogue, at least with Stiles’ voice, and that’s the part I enjoy the most.

What are your writing weaknesses? Descriptions and like…actual, genuine emotions, I think. Whenever I try to write the heavier stuff, it feels way too melodramatic and then I cut it way back to the point where it’s basically gone.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? If there’s plenty of context around it so you can get the gist of what they’re saying, then it’s okay. Like in Oceans how Yen never speaks a word of English, but everyone else’s responses tell you what he was saying. Otherwise I tend to prefer things like, “He said in Spanish,” or “They argued in Spanish for a minute.”

First fandom you wrote in? Either Alex Rider or School of Rock. 😬

Favourite fic you've written? I still really like this outsider pov fic. I fucking love outsider pov. I have a 911 outsider pov that’s been mostly done for like two years, but then I realized the actual team isn’t in it enough to make people want to read it, so it's just kind of sitting there.

Tagging: @kitkatpancakestack @wellhalesbells @mad-madam-m @tawaifeddiediaz @cinematicnomad @zainclaw

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reigningmax · 2 years

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Max/Charles Fic Recs (1/?)

I joined this fandom like 8 months ago and I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now, so here are some amazing fics I’ve read over these months. Thank you always to the fic writers, they are the backbones of society (fandom).

* Favorites, ** Smut

*This is our place, we make the rules series by PrincessElectra When Max let Charles walk into his motorhome, when he let Charles slip into his existence, Max didn’t know it then but the battle was already lost.

**Small Pleasures by altissimozucca Charles is at his door, and Max wonders when that became a normal occurrence.

*you can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest by altissimozucca The message says, would you go with me if I asked you to? Yes, Max wants to reply. I would. Not because it’s you or because I want to see the world. I would, just to get away, but if I did that, I can’t promise I’d ever come back.

***start my day up on the roof by thermocline This time, she isn’t going to run from it

***Every other sunday by Anney Max navigates the aftermath of being outed in the press, and Charles is always there.

**Bruises by eefiplier Charles has always loved the way these bruises hurt. Everytime he'd add pressure on the discoloured skin on his body it'd bring back the memories, the pleasant memories of the time spent with Max.

***If You Don't Play, You'll Never Win by antimonyandthyme “You’re mad.” His weekend is going to shit and he slept with his rival who he possibly feels more than a little something for, his rival who ditched him to ‘get breakfast’ and has now decided to ambush him—yeah, mad is a good description for it. “You mean angry, or crazy?” “You tell me,” Max says in a tone that makes it abundantly clear he thinks Charles is both.

*Your skin on mine by bonotje It’s overwhelming, all of his focus is on them, on the man underneath him. On his strong arms wrapped around him, fingers digging into pliant flesh. On the way Max’s cock feels inside of him, stretching him open and dragging against his walls as he pulls himself back up from Max’s lap.

*when I watch the world burn (series) by kakashen Max and Charles are a story in waiting. It’s been a long time coming.

*behind different doors by kiwialicat Lewis doesn't want to waste this champagne, post Silverstone 2020 round one. He goes to find someone to celebrate with and gets a little more celebration than he'd hoped for.

*just an itch by purpleglasseswrites Five times Max and Charles tried to be kinky but failed, and the one time they succeeded, in their own, tooth-rottenly sweet, vanilla way. A series.

a little bit longer by playclock There is no fundamental difference between them, but they are not the same. Max knows where he belongs, and Charles is still searching.

outside the box by playclock Three times that Max and Charles come to realizations separately, and one time they get on the same page.

*Darling, I've been calling on God for you (hope that He picks up) (series) by mandzilkos Baku sure was a strange place for Max. [Soulmate AU - no actual deaths happen]

#my post #photo #lestappen #fic rec #lestappen fic rec #max verstappen #charles leclerc #dan and max coming at ya later

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trashlie · 1 year

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Manifesting Stalkyoo~

Just to get it out of the way: PLEASE KNOW THIS IS ALL IN GOOD FUN! I don’t want anyone to take this in a weird way or like it’s some ridiculous demand I’m making lmao. I’ve just been having a delightful time talking to other Stalkyoo shippers and just romanticizing silly things we want to see so again: THIS IS JUST FOR FUN! I know fandom has been weird about shipping stuff because of the... ugly past lol so I feel a weird need to remind people that my shipping is just secondary enjoyment of ILY and that I will continue to love and read ILY wherever it goes.

With that out of the way lol please also note there are spoilers all the way up to 224, so if you don’t FP episodes, this post is not safe for you! (unless you like spoilers. i don’t judge people, I like spoilers, too)

Look, I’m not good at writing fanfiction. I’d love to, but I always feel like it’s difficult for me to portray characters the way the original writer does. I think about it, every now and then, dabble in a little idea, something I might like to see, before the storyline plays out in a different way, but I just never trust myself, so this is about the closest I ever get to that. And even still, I think of these little musings, these silly little “oh I’d love to see ______” very inline with fanfiction, wherein I acknowledge that what I’m hoping for or imagining is very likely to not happen. It’s just the fun of exploring story and the what-if’s and little AU tangents where ONE little thing tweaks.

For me, the fun of shipping is just playing with those character dynamics, which is another reason fic is so difficult for me - I enjoy my pairings, my characters, within their circumstances. That’s not to say AU fics are unfathomable to me (I LOVE THEM), but more so that it’s hard to write something knowing that I don’t know everything, that quimchee will pull out a surprise and I’ll be like oh my god I should have realized! And again, I guess that’s where musing is fun. You get to play out those little what if’s for yourself, get to imagine a scenario that probably will never come to pass. That’s the fun of fic + canon, to me! Not once has quimchee done something with her characters and their story that really surprised me in an “oh i don’t like this” kind of way. I can say “Oh I’d love to see xyz scenario play out” but when instead abc plays out, I’m not mad.

I also fully admit that I tend to compartmentalize my shipping thoughts and whims separately from my general commentary, and I guess for the previously mentioned reasons: this fandom has an ugly, nasty past with shipping and even still, there are a lot of people who demand romance from ILY and don’t seem to care about the actual story at play or even weirder, seem to think that it detracts from the romance they think should be happening???? (”when is she going to choose one of the brothers it’s been so many years and episodes waaaah) And I guess, yeah, I get a little self-conscious, because (and this is feels so embarrassing to actually word) I acknowledge a lot of people read my commentary and my opinions! And I’m so happy for that, I love being so communal with everyone! But I do get worried someone is going to take something out of context and be like “omg can you believe she’s one of those weirdo romance demanders” or something lmao, hence this weird long useless diatribe. But yeah, basically, I’ve been talking with people lately and god just thinking about my shippy feels and how much I love the current story - one step forward, three steps back; the struggles to open up; the struggles to deal with feelings in the face of much heavier, scarier elements; etc. etc.

Sometimes you just wake up and you’re like: I WANNA SCREAM ABOUT STALKYOO so you do it because you have a birdbrain and you know is screaming afljkfkjafkjakfjaf LMAO

If you’re reading this, chances are you aren’t new to my blog so you’ve probably read the likes of my Foundations of Stalkyoo, Why I Ship Stalkyoo, and Further Thoughts on Stalkyoo (I just never shut up huh) posts, so I’ll try not to like, completely repeat everything but if it happens well. It can’t helped, can it? lol

Anyway something I’ve been talking and thus thinking a lot about is where we stand with Stalkyoo, now that we are getting more confirmation of actual budding feelings. I always reiterate that anything can change, but I also like to remind myself that something quimchee has said in the past (and this is loosely paraphrased) is that whenever it does come to a pairing, it will be made obvious before it gets there, because this is NOT a primarily romance-focused story which means there aren’t as many storylines that deal with just the will-they/won’t-they and the likes, and I think likewise, there won’t be a real love triangle the way most fans tend to think of them. So often a love triangle gets boiled down to someone being torn between two people for whatever reason and i just don’t get the sense we’ll be seeing that? Thus, I do feel like we might well be moving into a territory where we will see some kinds of scenes setting up, or maybe better put, enabling the possibility of a relationship between Shinae and Nol?

But first. I always say I don’t really try to predict things because I’m always proven wrong, but I still like to try for fun lol, just because that’s part of the joy of reading an on-going story, I think! I’ve waffled a lot on it, but I still feel like when we reach our big time skip (not the first one taking us to graduation, but rather the one that jumps us a few years ahead), there has to be a REASON. Narratively it’s hard to imagine what that reason might be beyond the likelihood that we’ll see our three main characters on separate paths. It’s the only thing that makes sense, because otherwise you end up with a lot of story happening off page, right? If Shinae were to go to Japan with Kousuke, we’d end up missing their reconciliation and Kousuke earning her trust (or if it were to go the opposite, becoming cold acquaintances). Thus, I think Kousuke will go to Japan, but Shinae will take Rand’s advice begrudgingly and take up Yui on her “offer, while Nol will probably go to college abroad. He wasn’t denied admission to Oxford - it’s just not guaranteed there will be a spot for him.

I know people take umbrage with the idea of Shinae taking up Yui’s offer, but hear me out. I don’t think it’s meant to turn Shinae into some kind of conniving, cunning person in the likes of Yui, as much as just introduce her to this world, give her a better understanding of how people in this society and business work and thus, start to get an idea of how Yui works. While I don’t think it’s easy to ever be one step ahead of Yui, I do think developing an understanding of her world helps to at least defend herself from Yui - start to see traps in advance and how to avoid them, find ways to evade her clutches, that kind of thing. I do think the idea of Yui holding that over Shinae’s head is terrifying and it’s feels more dangerous than going to Japan with Kousuke, BUT again, the idea is that she would become better equipped to defend herself and fight back.

Of course, I don’t think Shinae in this moment is prepared to make that choice, and it may be a choice that comes after Yujing’s big scoop is revealed. Perhaps realizing how much more dangerous and powerful Yui (and the Kims) is would make her see what Rand was trying to tell her. I think she hasn’t fully figured out just what is going on with Yui and Rand, either - why would he be pushing her against his wife? But I think the information Yujing has compiled could help her see that bigger picture. If someone like Rand has spent twenty-five years struggling in this battle with her, how could Shinae ever hope to stand against her with even less understanding, with no sense of WHO Yui is or what makes her tick.

The thing about this that I always struggle with is: how would Nol regard that? We know he feels vehemently about Alyssa idolizing Yui and taking advantage of her connection to the Hiraharas - and yet he stayed with her, knowing that she benefits from him (but that he does, as well). Would he feel the same, if he found out who was enabling Shinae to go to school? Would they talk about it, since Shinae knows how he feels about it? Would he be able to understand, when even he himself doesn’t seem to realize that his father finds himself trapped by the Hiraharas? That’s... stuff I can’t try to predict, because I think everything is possible.

I promise I’ll get to that a little more.

The narrative benefit of separating the main characters is, of course, that first off, no major development happens where we can’t watch it. Sure, they’ll go about their lives and things will happen, but I don’t expect it to be major things that would make us go WAIT WHAT?! Otherwise, what brings us back itnto the story after time passes? For a long time my idea was that they’d all go their separate ways and maybe even their relationships would be a little damaged, so that when they come back into each others’ lives, part of the story is recovering that, reconciling with the past and maybe finding new futures together.

Especially regarding Nol and Shinae, I’d wondered if we would see him leave without reconciling with his friends, and that we’d see him and Shinae meet again after some years and Shinae would have to contend with their unresolved past, with feelings she never had a chance to really identify, let alone explore, and the aching beauty of having to figure out who each other after now that they’ve grown and changed, and if there is room in each others’ lives for one another, if they fit in with who they’ve become. And don’t get me wrong - i do like that kind of bittersweet ache, haunted by the ghosts of what never came to be, having to relearn each other. But the more I’ve talked about this (especially a lot with @bittrbuttr, the more I realized that’s not exactly what I want with them.

Like, it’s good and achey, it really pulls at your heartstrings. But I think that better suits an actual romance story, where the focus of the story and plot is on those feelings and untangling them, on finding their ways back to each other. I don’t think that’s the story of ILY, though.

I keep dancing around my point and I apologize, but we all know I’m nothing if not circuitous and I promise we’ll get there!

Here’s the thing: we know that Nol and Shinae are not in the space to become romantically involved. The feelings are there. They are drawn to each other, we know Nol finds comfort and peace in Shinae and that he always struggles to really push her away. We know that Shinae cares so deeply about him that no matter how much he hurts her, she still wants to try, she still wants to be there for him. I find the hope-tinged pain of 223 really poignant in that way - she wanted to SEE HIM, in a moment that was so special, she wanted to share that joy and get a glimpse at who he REALLY is, and he was unable to do that for her. But still she hopes for the best, still she intends to keep trying, to be as persistent as he was, even if she has to find a different approach.

They are so important to each other, and I’m hoping that might be a catalyst?

I understand what Nol’s struggle is. It isn’t easy to be vulnerable, to feel weak, especially when those parts of him have been used against him the last 6 years of his life. He is full of so much self-loathing and isn’t comfortable with his own weakness and vulnerability, thus he can’t show it to Shinae, he doesn’t want her to see him like that. He’d rather let her think he just doesn’t need to see what exists between them, that he doesn’t need to see her indulging because it’s enough to just bring her joy - and that itself hurts enough! But I want him to at least be honest about it - tell her that you don’t want her to see that part of you. Will it change things? Probably not significantly, but it puts her one step closer to understanding doesn’t it?

And so the thinking is - or rather, the hope - is that maybe Nol will realize this?

We see some of it in 224. Upon Dieter’s arrival, instead of a hey welcome back or anything, it’s an immediate “Did you bump into Yoo?” and when Dieter reassures him that she’s fine, it’s just stuffy, he knows a. it’s not fine and b. he feels bad. I think he felt that regret immediately, when he noted that she’s angry and he took off the blindfold and she wasn’t there. Nol is so used to pushing people away, it’s his first line of defense, but when it works? When he succeeds at driving that wedge? Again it’s that battle of will vs want - he thinks that pushing her away is the right thing to do for her sake, but he doesn’t ACTUALLY want it.

It’s so difficult to go back to how things used to be having gotten a taste of something better. It’s so difficult to push out everyone when you’ve allowed yourself to indulge in being loved and cared about, and and I think that’s what Nol’s biggest hurdle is.

Don’t get me wrong; there’s a lot of hurdles with him lol and clearing one doesn’t exactly make the others any easier to clear. But something we’ve seen from Shinae and that I think the story has tried to impress upon is that things are easier when we aren’t alone. Burdens shared are burdens that weigh a little less. We’ve Shinae and her father talking about being a team - about sharing that burden so it’s not so hard for just one of them and distributing that burden more easily. We’ve seen it in Shinae opening up about her problems with her friends, her insecurities that made her doubt her friendships. Her realization that as scary as situation as her sister breaking into her home was, it was made more bearable with a ragtag group of goofs who will protect her.

Nol needs to learn to share that burden. He’s spent so long treating himself like an island, he hasn’t had the opportunity to remember that it’s easier to endure something when you aren’t exhausted from shouldering that burden all by yourself. There is strength in numbers. He’s been so run ragged from just trying to endure, trying to get by, trying to survive and how is he to ever fight back against Yui when he’s exhausted just from treading waters?

I mean, ultimately Nol needs to learn to love himself, but I think it’s easier to tackle allowing others to love him, first. Allowing himself to share the burden, to show those weaknesses and let people have his back. Be able to slump over and know that someone will help keep you standing, you know? And maybe through that, he can find it in him to start loving himself. Of course, he has other problems he needs to address; in order to love himself, he has to forgive himself, and I hope that Yujing’s article can help in that area. I’m sure he carries the guilt of his mother’s alleged suicide, and maybe he was even made to believe that. It wouldn’t surprise me if the time he spent in the mental facility only served to make him feel worse about his existence, made him believe he was the root cause of the bad. Maybe even, like Nana, he had an argument with his mother before he death and felt that if they hadn’t argued, maybe she would never have made that choice?

Clearly that’s still a little complicated for us to fully dig into, but as horrible as learning that maybe her death was not a choice she made is to learn (I cannot imagine having made this peace with someone I loved reaching a point so dark they made that choice, only to find out that it was, possibly, murder. How do you deal with that? What do you do with all that new grief, that new anguish?), I think maybe, if he learned that she didn’t choose that, it might help free him from his shackles of guilt.

But I think until he can learn to forgive himself, until he can make that peace, couldn’t letting people love him help? Wouldn’t it be better for him to move forward knowing that he has people who will not only defend him, but who can ease the weight of his burdens?

As dramatic as Nol and Shinae separating on these rocky grounds, unable to fully reconcile, makes for a good, dramatic romance, I think it’s much better for Nol to move on as a team. To let himself rely on others isn’t something he can learn over night, of course, but isn’t it better for him to enter a scary phase of his life knowing that there ARE people who he can talk to about it? There ARE people he can eventually let see those weak parts of him?

So my ultimate hope for Nol’s extension is that in that time, he and Shinae find that peace after all. I still can’t help but feel like the three-day-extension is significant, because why else include it, if it was to pass without event? Especially because, depending on how it works (is it 3 additional days INCLUDING the 22nd or 3 days extra, beginning the 23rd?) we’ll hit the holidays. That just feels... too significant, right?

I want Nol to grapple with his feelings, let his fear take over a little. Is he really as ready to lose Shinae as he tries to be? He seemed to regret hurting her, hanging his head after Dieter reassured him she was fine, even though she refuses to come back in to the room. And I can’t help but feel like it’s significant that she’s still lingering in the waiting room. My thinking is that Nana will get involved - she knows that Nol is upset about someone, she knows other friends have been watching over him, she knows there’s a friend who isn’t coming back in. She can read him well, so it’s not like it’s difficult to read that maybe they had a fight, that he was brusque and brushed her off the way he tries to do even to Nana. Will she go out there to see who this friend is? Will they talk? I feel like they HAVE to - not just because the fandom has waited for it, but because I think Nana can probably glean that Shinae (”Yoo” lol) must be someone important, if he’s acting like that.

And look. Did Nana see the blush? *I* saw the blush, I’m not getting over that. I’m sorry but he lmao pushed her away, regretted hurting her, and he’s still getting flustered because he pictured her mouth. BUDDYYYYYYYYYYYY. YOU’RE A MESS.

I don’t expect her to fully intervene in like, trying to make things happen way lmao I think it’s more like... Nana knows better than anyone that Nol is a difficult person to love. I say this with affection, because it’s true. He pushes people away, he deflects from himself, he never opens up, it’s hard to read what’s going on in his head. And Nana also knows of the darkness that looms. She was right there when he pleaded guilty, concerned about his reasoning. She’s listened to him talk about how maybe everything would be better if he didn’t exist. She knows that the darkness has a strong grip on him. So who better than her to encourage Shinae, to thank her for her patience and tenacity, for sticking with Nol even with the way he acts? I’d like to see a little bit of that comfort between them, some reassurance that Shinae is, in fact, making the right choice. She oscillates so wildly between her extreme emotions; sadness and melancholy that caring is not enough and how it sometimes comes out as anger when she can’t find a better way to channel it. We know she doesn’t really regret planning that birthday celebration - she’s just hurt. And I think it would be a big help to have Nana tell her how much it means to see Nol with friends who care about him despite how prickly and difficult he is, how she worries about him and is glad there are people who care about him. I think it would really encourage Shinae that her resolve is right - that she just has to find another way to approach him, that it’s worth the effort.

And at that same time, yes, I want Nol’s fear to kick his ass. I want him to realize he faces the very real reality of losing someone who cares so much about him, who is willing to put up with him because of how much she cares and how special she is to him - and that she wants him to see it, too. I want him to fear losing the comfort and peace she brings him. I want him to have to finally face head on his want vs what he thinks he deserves, and see what a future without someone like her is like. Can he bear to return to that kind of loneliness? Can he bear losing her concern? How it feels for her to take notice of him, to probe, to listen?

Like, at the risk of getting really corny and dramatic, that’s what it comes down to. I don’t want Nol to come back in a few years and decide he’s ready to face all of that. I want him to move on from this point knowing he’s not alone. I want him to be able to face prison knowing that he’s not so alone, that there is someone who will always be there to support him. I think that’s what makes the most sense. Leaving on their current circumstances works great if it’s a romance and that’s the main story - but making up, talking, being honest? That makes more sense for THIS story, where Nol starts to grow NOW, where he starts to make those important steps that will help him find his way to healing, and more important, that will help him face the forces that taunt and haunt him.

He doesn’t have to be completely honest with Shinae, because I don’t think he’s ready. I don’t think he’ll tell her that his mother took her life, and that he believes it’s his fault. But I think it would be enough to tell her the truth he couldn’t stay to her face - that he doesn’t want her to see him like that, that it’s still hard for him to open up that way, that it’s still SCARY - but that he doesn’t want to push her away, that he’s sorry he keeps hurting her. We could even go more dramatic with a callback to the hospital scene - that he’s sorry he isn’t good enough and is undeserving of her (AND LET HER REASSURE HIM THAT’S NOT TRUE THAT HE IS). BUT JUST. IDK I WANT HIM TO FACE IT. ADMIT IT.

He doesn’t have to tell her he likes her. That’s fine. Just reiterate what she means to him! One moment he’s telling her she’s special to him, that he cares about her, next moment he’s telling her it’s okay he doesn’t have to look he’s fine like this. STOP JERKING HER AROUND ;~; lmao like don’t get me wrong. I GET IT. I UNDERSTAND HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

But I also want to see them move into our time skips with a sense of understanding and peace, you know? I don’t want want Nol to face his fears alone anymore. I want him to let someone stand by his side. I want him to accept how good it feels to rest on her shoulder and know that it’s okay, she’s there.

I HAVE FEELINGS OKAY I JUST. I WANT THEM TO BE ABLE TO FIND T HAT STRENGTH IN EACH OTHER, TO BE STRONGER TOGETHER.

And to call back to my earlier point lmao I like to think if they get to that point, then maybe he would understand, if Shinae accepts Yui’s offer. Maybe he would see how it’s different from Alyssa, that Shinae made a choice to protect herself, that it’s not about the idolatry, it’s not a self-serving choice, but one that protects her and enables her to fight back. Knowing that they are on the same side, that Shinae isn’t a doe-eyed naïve girl about to be taken advantage of again, but one who wants to fight back against the people who hurt her and others like her.

We’re about halfway to 3/5 of the way into this story, and I think that’s a good point for Shinae and Nol to join forces.

AndlookthisiscompletelydaydreamingbutiftherewasaChristmaskissIwouldcertainlynotobject

PLEASE I JUUUUUUUUUST i want to see them on the same page, I want to see them moving forward TOGETHER. I don’t want Nol to keep walking on his own. I don’t want him to just accept Shinae at his side, either; I want him to CHOOSE to let her choose his side. ;A;

GOD. PLS. BARKS AT THE MOON I’m just ready for them to bE A TEAM I’M READY FOR NOL TO BE SELFISH AND TO GO AFTER WHAT HE WANTS I WANT HIM TO CHOOSE COMFORT AND SECURITY OVER PUNISHMENT I WANT HIM TO REALIZE THERE IS STRENGTH IN COMPANIONSHIP. I know being close to him puts her at risk - but he needs to see that no matter what, she’s at risk, and isn’t it better if she’s in danger with someone who can help, than to be all alone with it? I WANT HIM TO FACE THAT FEAR OF HIS AND FIND THAT MAYBE HIS DESIRE, HIS WANT, HIS NEEDS ARE EVEN BIGGER. That it’s better to find peace with her than spend the whole time afraid. Isn’t that the thing? He’s always afraid - afraid of someone else getting hurt, afraid of another opportunity being stolen away, afraid of the next time Yui will find a way to hurt him. BUT TO BE ABLE TO FIND COMFORT WITH SHINAE?

Please. Just open up - be honest!!!!!!! But most importantly APOLOGIZE. Apologize for hurting her, apologize for pushing her away.

I realize, based on what she said on the hospital roof, that maybe he won’t make that choice, that maybe her persistence has to be a long game, that she does have to wait for him to forget to put the mask back on.

But wouldn’t it be so nice if he chose to move forward with her, instead of alone, to face their nightmare and battles together? ;~;

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #Stalkyoo #Aegi #Shinae Yoo #Nol #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #LMFAO THIS IS SO LONG-WINDED but i think no one is surprised anymore?#I just!!!!!!!!!#i have this very specific want in mind and if it doesn't happen that's okay because i'm sure it will lead to a better story lmao #BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT LIKE. WANT THIS PARTICULAR THING TO PLAY OUT for the sake of the story #for the sake of the second season #for the sake of what it means to fight against those who harm others just for joy #i'm such a firm believer of shinae and nol being a team and i want to see them be a team together FOR REAL #i want to see nol find it in himself to lean on shinae and find how much stronger he can be if he doesn't have to shoulder a burden alone #it's so much easier to share the weight together when you aren't the only one to carry it right?#and when you aren't run ragged just from sturviving #when you have the time to rest and recharge knowing you are safe #aren't you able to become even stronger?#to face even more?#I JUST WANT THEM TO BE A TEAM ;A;

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