#I’ve changed my bio a total of like 5 times

[donald-trump-official]

New bio just dropped

[nobodysdaydreams]

Ok for everyone upset about the Mysterious Benedict Society Season 2 Finale "Nathaniel/Nicholas' sister twist", I’ve thought about it, and I actually think it might... have potential? Please allow me to rant.

I see posts comparing it to the twist on BBC's Sherlock. Full disclosure, when I saw the “sister” twist on Sherlock, I didn’t like it. It felt like they wanted a "big shocking twist" and then they had to explain why she'd never been mentioned, etc. and it's been a while since I watched it, but I remember thinking that a 3 episode season was not a lot of time to explain/develop a twist that big or fully let us digest why she's been MIA despite us meeting Sherlock's parents and brother. Family reveal twists are nice, but they work because of how they affect the characters, plot, and relationships, anyone can just write them in at random for dramatic effect, but if the emotions aren't there or it's not given enough time to be explored and developed, then it's just a plot device. (No disrespect to the people who liked that twist in Sherlock, it just wasn't for me).

However, I'm way more into the twist being used here for several reasons.

First of all, it makes complete sense that the Benedict brothers would have family they have never heard of. In fact, it would be totally reasonable for Constance, the twins, Reynie, SQ, and Kate/Milligan (due to memory loss) to have multiple living relatives that they were separated from or can't remember. None of them know anything about their birth families as far as we know. Heck, a family reveal is what happened to Kate/Milligan and the twins in the books. We are in a universe with a device that wipes memories (and who knows how many people besides Milligan are missing information) and where most of the characters are orphans, which is a goldmine of opportunity for using family reveal twists in a way that isn't forced. Normally I think that writers are lazy when they repeat the same twists, especially this one, but this is a very rare instance where the circumstances that have been set up make multiple characters having unknown relatives not only probable but practically unavoidable.

Secondly, not only do the circumstances make sense for the twist, but the emotional implications also have potential. If they want to go the super basic route, they could have Garrison and Curtain be the "sad complex villains" that turn good to help take down this sister character who is the "real villain", but I hope they do more with it than that. The show already had Garrison and Curtain as villains, they didn't need to add any more, they chose to do that, and I hope they make the most of that choice. It's unknown whether Nathaniel has a history with his sister, what happened in 5 weeks, or if he is truly "100% changed" (e.g., how did Nathaniel find out about their sister off-screen and how long has he really known about her, did he flip sides just to get allies to fight her, if his redemption is real why didn't he fall asleep, what is he hiding, is he really redeemed, is the sister blackmailing or controlling him, etc.). Regardless, there is a potential for history there. And not just between the Benedict siblings, but everyone. How does this reveal tie into Constance's parents? Were they the bad guys or killed by the bad guys? Are Constance's powers natural or the results of experimentation? What does this sister character want, what were the three Benedict sibling's childhood's like? Why was Milligan working for Curtain and what happened to his wife? Why was Garrison working for Curtain? What happened to SQ's bio parents? Was my theory about Milligan/Curtain/Garrison/SQ's bio parents being kind of friends actually correct? You have a lot of characters with missing pieces, and there are some really cool ways you can tie them all together. I could speculate all day long, but I think you get the idea: there are a lot of really cool places to go from here. And I like the idea that all these characters (or their parents) had relationships with each other in the past, that they were once friends or colleagues that fell apart and destroyed themselves and then years later they or their descendants slowly come back together to reform this found family that's slowly healing itself but (from the children and Nicholas' perspective at this point) didn't exist until now.

However, on the second point, I will agree that there are ways that the writers could seriously mess this up. Not just by running the basic "Curtain/Garrison = sad redeemable villains (aw 🥺)" and "New sister character = big bad scary villain (boo)" formulas, but also because they are starting to develop something that has been the death sentence for many hyper-fixations of mine: the unbalanced plot, where the audience becomes way more invested in some storylines than others due to the emotional stakes/mystery being way more intriguing for some characters (the writers messing up the twin's ages when it's what they used to establish the timeline is an unfortunate red flag, I hope that doesn't mean they are gonna start making errors like this). The show's story develops the adult characters and adds new depth to side characters, but the main focus of the book/show/premise was always on the twins and the four children. In the above discussion of potential reveals of character histories and connections we see a ton with the twins (of course), they said they'll do Constance too, Kate/Milligan still need to get those memories back (and please give us SQ answers, dead horse I know). But I hope they are not so overfocused on those plotlines, that they default to giving Reynie and Sticky filler. The boys don't necessarily need big reveal plot lines (although you could give it to them. Reynie finding out that the same person who destroyed his bio family is now threatening Ms. Perumal and his new family would be good conflict. Sticky discovering his parents were somehow involved in all this or maybe even still alive (like they are in the books) would also be a good twist). I just felt like the season 1 stuff of Reynie fearing for Sticky as he watched his best friend succumb to the temptation of the Whisperer and slowly turn into Curtain's tool to bring about world domination was a lot stronger than him being sad he didn't get enough letters. Obviously, the letter thing is a more relatable problem, and I think it worked fine for what was intended, I just see a potential pathway opening up for giving some characters huge emotionally gut-wrenching plots and then just recycling Reynie/Sticky's insecure leader/anxiety script with no elaboration or development and I hope they don't go down that road because the boys deserve better.

Third, and the main selling point for me if I'm being honest, the sibling banter and interactions between the three of them would be hilarious. We don't know if this is their triplet, older, or younger sister or literally anything about her which means my brain has just been running every scenario possible and boy oh boy will I be posting the next few days, because I think my brain is actually making me... excited about this twist???

Anyway, that is just my rant on where I think the twist could go from here. Let me know what you think.

Actually no not done yet. I just realized. Number 2’s family house with all those bedrooms. There’s enough room for all the characters. They could all come back together as one big family <3. Okay, that’s it.

[ajramblesagain]

I feel like I’m finally starting to feel somewhat confident in who I am as a guy. I’m not on T yet but I have an appointment lined up on Thursday to talk about getting on it. But anyway, now that I’m finally confident in who I am, I’ve been running over all the blatantly obvious childhood signs I showed that I just glossed over because I refused to believe that I could be trans. For context, I was raised fairly religious and attended a private christian school through eighth grade. So, religious trauma. Yay. Anyway, without further tangents, let’s dive in because honestly it’s hilarious how transparent my closet was in hindsight.

This is going to be in no particular order because order doesn’t matter and I have adhd and keeping my thoughts in a cohesive order is hard at the best of times and I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately. Let’s begin.

First of all, I came out as trans but putting my new pronouns in my Twitter bio (my whopping total of 8 followers, I know). I honestly didn’t think anyone paid that much attention to my bio so I was actually pleasantly surprised that people seemed to pick up on it relatively quickly. One of those twitter followers, I’m gonna call them T on here, needed help running this night market thing that they organized through our college (former college I guess since neither of us are students there anymore) for our organization as a fundraiser. Anyway, T was one of the people who paid attention to the pronoun bio change and actually corrected themself and referred to me me he while I was helping during the night market thing. That alone was enough to make my entire night though obviously I wasn’t going to say anything because I’m not sure if they knew I was even within earshot or not, and I don’t talk to even my closest friends about my emotions, and me and T aren’t that close to begin with.

One of the people helping us table for the night market but for a different table just across from us, ( idk why i’m talking about the location of the tables, like it matters lol) Anywat, I’m gonna call her RM.Actually I don’t remember if it was T or RM who brought up this quiz, but anyway one of them brought up this online quiz that tells you what your dick size would be if you were born a dude. It was actually based on scientific shit so I think it’s supposed to be fairly accurate. Which sucks because I took it and I got 5 inches and I would’ve gotten 6 if I had just eaten more white fish growing up. You can’t blame me though. That shit is fucking nasty. Anyway, me and my friend, A, who was also tabling with me were like, we gotta take this test right now. And again, my memory is absolutely dogshit so I don’t remember who said this, but someone kinda jokingly said that A and I were way too excited to take the quiz, which honestly felt really validating for some reason.

Anyway, I wasn’t happy with my measely 5 inch result, especially since A got more than me and I wasn’t gonna accept that as an answer. So I was like, fine then, I’m gonna take a quiz that bases it off of the vibes I give off but I kept getting lower and lower results until I gave up because that shit was pathetic and it was lowkey getting embarrassing. Anyway, A told me that I was acting like an insecure straight man, which was a super gender affirming insult by the way, so of course I didn’t stop thinking about that for a few hours. Not even exaggerating, that’s literally how my brain works. But I exaggerated my offense at being called straight. I was like, I may be insecure but I most certainly am not straight.

That wasn’t even the highlight of the gender euphoria I felt that night. For context, I was keeping a spreadsheet of all the sales we made during the night market thing, so T messaged me later that night and asked me for the spreadsheet and so I sent it and their response was just two simple words that I’m sure they didn’t even really think about but it just lives in my mind rent free now as a constant source of gender euphoria: thanks king. I kid you not, I was fucking smiling like an idiot at my phone and would not stop thinking about being called ‘king’ for the next couple of days. King is never used as a gender neutral phrase like ‘dude’ or ‘man’ is often used as, so it just felt like T really read me as a guy, which was just a really good feeling.

Honestly this is getting kinda long and I’m getting tired so I think I’m actually gonna dive into my actual childhood signs tomorrow. If you decide to follow, just be prepared that my context is always gonna be this tangent-ridden, impulsive, unscripted stream of consciousness type shit, so be warned. I know this style of content bugs some people lol so no hard feelings. I’m just mostly doing this for me because I like to sound off into the void.

[mrbopst]

The one thing that has bonded all Richmond bands together over all the years I’ve lived in the city is their lack of idiot appeal.

It’s not that many haven’t tried; it’s just that they have all failed. Our most almost famous indigenous music makers of yesteryear such as Single Bullet Theory, the Good Guys, the Orthotonics, House of Freaks, Bio Ritmo, Avail, Strike Anywhere and GWAR made inroads into mainstream consciousness, but for one reason or another, they were never able to break into the top 40. Even today’s crop of Richmond bands such as Hot Lava, The Gaskets, Brainworms, Municipal Waste, No BS Brass Band and many others who enjoy the luxury of a more open marketplace then their 20th century counterparts still lack the all important idiot appeal factor that could potentially land them on the cover of Rolling Stone. I used to think it was something in the water that made our bands have only fringe appeal, but the mixture of bullheaded artistic vision, the lack of a music industry and defining zip code based sound as well as the city’s openly contentious relationship with live performance is the more likely culprit. For years, the city’s music scene operated solely because people wanted it to exist. That has all changed with Lamb of God. They are kings of the idiots. What’s funny about this is that, in true, time-honored Richmond fashion, they didn’t tailor they’re act to idiots, the idiots came to them. Their rise to fame didn’t happen overnight either. They played for nearly a decade without anyone in the mainstream even noticing playing music almost by its very definition had extremely limited commercial appeal. It was only through a combination of single-minded determination, savvy business decisions and luck (they are living proof that the harder you work the luckier you get) were they able to parlay all their efforts into bona fide mainstream success. I never would have thought it possible all those years ago when I first saw them play that they would have the number 2 record in the country and be touring the world with the likes of Metallica. I still can’t believe it and besides drummer and number one reason why the band is so successful, Chris Adler, neither can the rest of them. The downside to being king of the idiots is that, well, you are king of the idiots. Of all the music forms, Heavy Metal music is the one most predicated on total obliteration. I’ve been around many a wasted crowd in my time, but when I saw Lamb of God perform recently at the National, that crowd wasn’t just wasted, they were completely annihilated. Before the show even started, I was standing on the balcony looking down at the packed floor when a guy near the front of the stage began spewing bile like a vomit sprinkler on everyone around him. He saturated nearly everyone within 5 feet of him in gastric juices before the bouncers could drag his ass out. During the show itself, I counted 12 people puking their guts out and I had to avoid numerous liquor inspired vomit puddles walking around on the floor. Nearly everyone I overheard was boosting about how wasted they were or about how much more wasted they were going to get after the show. For a band whose music demands an almost inhuman attention to detail and clarity of vision to perform correctly, the unabashed nihilism that it provoked in the true believers was an odd case of cause and effect to witness. The crowd seemed more enamored with their own heroic intoxications than the band they were seeing. And that’s too bad. When people asked me how the show was, my response was in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king. Not only is Lamb of God a great stadium rock band, they are not idiots for if they were they never would have achieved the level of success they have today. It’s the one lesson the idiots have yet (and most need) to learn. Chris Bopst May 26th, 2009

[panharmonium]

just a brief record of teen wolf season 5 thoughts so far - under the cut for length!

[same spoiler disclaimer as always applies - i’ve only seen up through episode 5 of season 5A.  i’m totally unspoiled for anything that happens after that, and i’d like to keep it that way (”spoilers” for me includes things like “oh, it just keeps getting worse and worse; lower your expectations,” or various other subjective assessments of quality - i like to form my own impressions).  if you’re a friend and can talk to me without dropping hints like that, have at it!  otherwise, please don’t engage with this; we can talk about it once i’m finished.  thanks! :) ]

in general - i liked the first couple of episodes a LOT better than season 4.  it’s never going to feel like “real/classic” teen wolf again (which can’t be helped, given the unplanned cast changes), but even so, this felt closer to it than anything S4 did.  the kids are in school doing kid things that feel more meaningful than any of the wildly dramatic guns’n’explosions nonsense from last season, and for the first couple episodes it really feels like they’re setting up the kind of smaller-scale, character-focused story that i wanted season 4 to be.

stuff i loved:

all of them going to Senior Scribe.  the vibe of that was great, the music was great, seeing derek’s initials was great, scott writing allison’s initials was great; it really set the right tone.

seeing scott and stiles up at lookout point talking about the future, with stiles obsessively plotting every detail and scott being like ‘or we could see what colleges we get into and then pick a place to live’ - i like seeing them spend time together and talk together like they used to, and also their individual behaviors are very in-character, with ‘hypervigilance’ stiles feeling such urgency to plan for everything and scott rolling with it but also perhaps privately worrying that he may not even get into the school he wants.

malia doing summer school and being worried that she may not actually be a senior 

scott being so great with liam (“okay, so i’m still struggling”/“you’re learning”)

malia learning to drive!  

the symbolic resonance of what they’re doing with the jeep constantly breaking down and stiles’s refusal to let it die - The Jeep is such an iconic fixture of early teen wolf, and choosing to have it start falling apart now is a very effective vehicle for representing the overarching feeling that something is coming to an end and things are changing (the kids are seniors now and soon they’ll be leaving home for college), and stiles’s desperate need to keep patching it up illuminates his fear of that change and how he isn’t ready to let go or jump out into a very scary unknown that to him represents potentially losing more people he cares about (what if scott’s my best friend now, but not my best friend for life?)

scott being in the AP Bio class and lydia and kira being like ‘we need to ask him if he’s in the right class’ but he IS in the right class and he’s super prepared with his book all highlighted and he knows what school he wants to go to and he has a plan - overall i just love love love this; scott exceeding everyone’s academic expectations for him (including his own) and trying to stop thinking of himself as the stupid kid...that gives me Major Feelings.  i also love how this is set up to become a conflict later, in that he starts struggling with classes again when non-school things start happening, and he starts to doubt whether he can do it or not - this is the kind of stuff that always made me care about teen wolf, not whatever the villain of the week was.

scott not even needing help to defeat that first werewolf dude who attacked him - like, they set it up so that it sounds all dramatic/tragic when the guy stabs him and scott is having the life/power sucked out of him, but then scott just pulls himself up and rips the guy’s hand out of him and tells him he can either stay and get clobbered or run away, like - YEAH!!!!  HELL YEAH!!!  THAT’S TRUE ALPHA SCOTT MCCALL!!!

the scott/stiles divide on the theo issue.  (i have some reservations about this, also; i’ll get to that later, but in general) - the exchange “why can’t you trust anyone?”/“because you trust everyone!” - damn good.  and scott taking the pain out of stiles’s hand...bruh ;_;

i know there are other things i’m forgetting, but for now, moving on -

some reservations:

this is not a criticism of the show itself; it’s just my own personal aversion - i really, really don’t like body/medical horror, so in some ways this season is a challenge for me to watch.

in general, after the first few episodes were over, i started to get a little bit of that ‘too many unrelated things happening at once with not enough depth’ feeling that i had all throughout S4.  we have the main plot (some dudes trying to scientifically engineer supernatural creatures), but also they keep shoving in these bits and pieces about The Desert Wolf, which feels completely disconnected from everything else that’s happening.  (they say stiles has been “pulling those threads” to research it, but how?  what does that even mean?)  and also something weird is going on with Kira, which also feels very disconnected from the rest of the story, because it comes out of nowhere and we don’t have any context for anything that’s going on with her.  the show has spent zero time on her learning how to be a kitsune, so we don’t feel like we even know where she is in her arc (because she doesn’t really have one.  the show doesn’t spend any meaningful time on her and her parents or her development - it feels like she and her mother have literally never talked about what she is or how to do anything.)  

and more things - this season continues the S4 trend of letting more and more people being in on the secret, which a) eliminates a lot of the tension that made the first 3 seasons of teen wolf work so well and b) expands the “in-the-know” cast to a point where there are too many characters who need to be accounted for every time something happens.  previously it was more manageable, because people who weren’t aware of the supernatural world didn’t need to be involved in certain things, but when you expand the cast of characters who know, they would all naturally need to be helping, which leaves you scrabbling to find something for everyone to do and stretches your story so thin that nobody gets deep development.

the super uncomfortable lydia and parrish vibe???  like - they’re just hinting at something right now but.  i Really don’t trust them to make this not weird.  

re: the above - the thing is, i think lydia being interested in parrish would actually be a believable character thing for her.  she has always dealt with the things that happen to her by distracting herself with romantic/sexual encounters (her own words - “i don’t want a boyfriend.  i want a distraction.”)  and she also is someone who sees herself as more adult than she actually is - she’s much more intellectual than most people her age, she’s basically already finished her high school classes, she got a college acceptance letter when she was a sophomore, and her relationship with her parents has always seemed a little bit more...independent than the other kids (she and her mom obviously love each other a lot, but also lydia kind of runs her own life - comes and goes as she pleases, spends time living by herself up at the lake house, etc.  then there’s also the thing about her parents’ separation/divorce, which hasn’t been discussed since S1 but which i’ve never forgotten (“you’re the one who told her she has to choose who she wants to live with”) - lydia has other history going on that the show hasn’t talked about in a long time, and i do think she copes with the things she’s been through by conceiving of herself as an adult.  last season she said “i’m done with teenage boys,” and the fact that there’s this weird vibe between her and parrish doesn’t actually surprise me, on her end - i DO think lydia might actually use this sort of thing as a very unhealthy coping mechanism, but where it bothers me is that i don’t trust this show to treat it as an issue.   lydia has the most horrifying, traumatizing gift out of all the people on the show, and she has gotten the least amount of help for it.  she has no one to explain to her how it works or how to cope with it, and i think that after 3B especially she is at such a huge risk of getting herself into even more unhealthy situations, because it’s the only way she’s ever dealt with the things she goes through.  it doesn’t bother me to see that she might be gravitating towards what she (incorrectly) sees as someone more on her supposedly “adult” level, but i’m not sure i trust the show to address it the way i would want it to be addressed. [also, to be clear, i’m not actually sure lydia does have any interest in parrish.  the scenes that have the most bizarre vibes between them seem like they’re all in parrish’s head (which is a whole other issue - am i supposed to be chill about a 24/25 year-old dude having what appear to be vaguely romantic inclinations towards a high school student?  or is that not actually what they’re going for?), and i’m not far enough along to state with any certainty what they’re actually trying to communicate here.  i’m just afraid the message is gonna be ‘lydia’s technically 18 so it’s all cool and definitely not a symptom of trauma or a sign that she needs help.’]

lastly, 5.05: episode 5 was the last one we watched, and this was the one where my enthusiasm pulled back a bit.  it was the first one where i felt like characters were behaving in ways that didn’t make sense.

i fully do not believe scott would lie to kira about what he saw when he looked at her with his werewolf vision.  she specifically asked him to check her appearance, because something scary happened earlier (her powers manifesting in a previously unknown way and her almost killing someone while out of control), and when he looked, he saw a totally different kitsune shape around her, and then he lies and says he saw nothing???  that makes no sense.  scott would never do that to her, or anyone.

i don’t believe malia would get in a car at night with a dude that stiles is 100% sure is up to something/trying to hurt them.

relatedly - it’s unrealistic to me that the entire pack is treating stiles like he’s crazy for being so suspicious of theo.  yes, stiles is anxious and hypervigilant, but his instincts (and research/detective work) are correct virtually every single time - he figured out (and told chris) that kate was the one who set the fire; he called matt as the villain long before matt had done anything majorly suspicious; he warned scott last season to remember that peter wasn’t one of the good guys - it doesn’t make sense to me that after everything that’s happened and every other time stiles has figured out the mystery, the other kids would just laugh at him like he’s overreacting even after he procures actual evidence (the mismatched signatures). in particular, there’s a bizarre disconnect between the way scott is reacting to this situation and the way he acts in S3 - when ethan and aiden want to join the pack, he says, “i’m sorry, but they don’t trust you” (”they” being stiles and isaac).  he’s not judging ethan or aiden for their past actions or for wanting to join the pack, but he’s saying that if the other members aren’t comfortable, it won’t work.  and then when stiles confesses that he thinks he himself is the one killing people, scott’s reaction is “i don’t want to make it sound like i think you’re wrong...but i also don’t think you’re the one hurting people.”  he is so careful to show stiles that he doesn’t disbelieve him, even if he doesn’t necessarily agree with stiles’s conclusion - he’s so careful not to trivialize stiles’s concerns or make him feel like his reasoning can’t be trusted - and that just feels very different than what we’re seeing play out here.

i also don’t believe stiles wouldn’t have IMMEDIATELY called scott after being attacked in the library.  i was really confused by that whole aspect of this episode - i didn’t understand why stiles was like...acting like he’d committed a crime, to a point where i started wondering if i had missed some detail earlier that would cause him to be so afraid.  i just don’t believe stiles would hide this, or feel any guilt about it whatsoever.  he didn’t murder somebody; he was literally running for his life from a creature that was trying to eat him.  stiles would of course be horrified and/or traumatized by the way it happened - i don’t think stiles is ever okay with watching people die in front of him - but he wouldn’t feel guilty.  stiles is the one whose moral compass is defined by the moment where he tells ms. morrell “i don’t feel sorry for him” when they’re talking about matt in S2, and then when she asks him, “can you feel sorry for the nine year old matt who drowned?”, his answer is still no: “just because a bunch of dumbasses dragged him into a pool when he couldn't swim doesn't really give him the right to go killing them off one by one.”  the show never frames that as a wrong thing.  it’s okay that stiles doesn’t feel sorry for matt.  he doesn’t have to.  it’s never framed like “Scott Good, Stiles Bad” - it’s just written as a natural, neutral function of their personal histories.  stiles went through terrible things when he was younger and he still didn’t choose to hurt other people, which informs how he looks at people who actively choose more malicious paths.  he’s never been someone who legitimately, non-jokingly advocates cold-blooded murder, but he’s also never been a person who obsesses over bad actors being bitten by the consequences of their actions, so this whole plotline of him covering up what happened in the library makes no sense to me, character-wise.  he knows he didn’t kill this guy on purpose.  his life was in immediate, undeniable danger, and it’s not remotely believable to me that he would think Scott or anyone else around him would see it differently.  it feels like a contrived, manufactured conflict.

the whole scene at eichen house also feels very manufactured.  i don’t believe stiles and lydia would ever hand over anything that this guy in the cell wanted - they’re not stupid enough to give something like that to someone we know literally nothing about (which is another issue - why hasn’t the show at least given us a two-line explanation from deaton about who this dude is?  it’s so bizarre seeing the kids walk in to chat with him while we ourselves don’t even understand who he is or what, if anything, the other characters know about him).  even if stiles and lydia were foolish enough to barter with this guy - he’d already told them literally everything before they gave him the recording!  they didn’t need to give him lydia’s scream in order to get anything from him; he’d already explained the dread doctors and the book.  they could have just walked away.

it also doesn’t make sense that the staff at eichen house wouldn’t warn visitors like - “no kitsune in here please, otherwise you’ll deactivate all our security”.......

(i don’t like eichen house as a plot device in general; even back in 3B i thought it was too goofy/unrealistic/over-the-top...but whatever; it’s obviously here to stay, so i’ll just have to deal with it.)

anyway, in general, i was enjoying the beginning a lot more than S4, but as we’ve progressed, I’m starting to feel a little more like the focus is getting scattered again and characters aren’t quite behaving in believable ways.  i’ve still got a lot to go, though, so i’ll reserve judgment until i’ve actually seen everything.

addendum - forgot to add my future predictions, just so i have a record for myself...i’m assuming parrish is something phoenix-related?  and maybe he’s collecting the bodies to like...resurrect them or something, and maybe that’s why he’s always around lydia (banshee - harbinger of death, phoenix - agent of rebirth)?  but i dunno, we’ll see.

[lucyhannahart]

Major Project - Compilation of ALL Blog Entries PART 1

12/1/23 The final major project is an amalgamation of everything learnt during my time at university. To reflect the skills I have learnt, both practical and theoretical, my response to the brief needs to be a fully realised output utilising several different forms of media. My initial idea was formed as a continuation of my previous project, in which I created a prototype for a website in response to the lingerie industry and its shortcomings - particularly when it comes to misrepresentation of minority groups and the predatory approach of photographers and other creative executives. In order to take ‘burn down the mansion’ further, I am going to fully realise the website and publish it publicly, create an accompanying Instagram to make sure my content can reach as large of an audience as possible, and document the process and context of this movement in a documentary film.

My first aim for this project is to set the goals I’d like to achieve by developing the above ideas. The goals are as follows:

- Reach 5k followers on the BDTM Instagram page by the deadline for this project (March 28th 11:59 p.m.) - Publish the pre-existing BDTM website with 5 posts - Create video content, ideally around 10 minutes worth in total - Guerilla marketing strategy to gain an audience’s attention, spanning wider than just those with an interest in fashion

The first step in beginning this project is to create the Instagram page. In order to engage as many people as possible, this page needs to have strong visual outputs, engaging content and a message that people either relate to or are intrigued by. To start I began to create a logo. This will be used as the profile picture on Instagram and as a visual cue - something eye-catching which intrigues those who may see it in passing on a sticker or in an Instagram advertisement.

Below are the initial designs I drew for a logo. Lexy, a friend of mine, gave some very valuable feedback. For the designs featuring a distressed Playboy bunny logo, she raised the fact that the use of the logo could infringe upon the copyright laws Playboy has. Though this logo was their favourite, I may not be able to use it. She also liked the design which featured the mansion. The final piece of feedback Lexy gave was that the font seemed too 'serious’ and that I may benefit from using a more playful font. However, when I explained that the existing website has a more serious tone, she suggested using a bolder version of a serif font.

15/1/23 I created the Instagram page on the 15th and will be doing regular follower updates so I can track the growth of the page. In order to start posting, I wanted the page to look as good as possible, therefore I continued working on the logo. I asked for further feedback from Lexy and Amelia who are both on the illustration course at Kingston. They both agreed that the strongest logo was the torn version of the Playboy bunny. They also raised the point that the mansion doesn’t immediately come across as being related to Playboy. This is a positive as it reduces the chance of me accidentally infringing upon copyright laws and I don’t think I want the project to centre around Playboy too much. I also received some feedback from my boyfriend Matt who stated that the second logo on the bottom was his favourite. He said that modifying it to include less detail in the mansion drawing would pull more focus to the text, which I agree with.

I’ve chosen the second logo on the bottom row, as I don’t want to spend all my time focusing on logos as this will delay the launch of the Instagram page. I may end up going back to edit this at a later date. I created a few variations to choose between for now and opted for one in which the background was black and the mansion was inverted with a lower opacity. 17/1/23 I have now started to add more to the Instagram. This includes story posts, changing the logo and adding a bio. At this point, I felt really stuck and uninspired, not knowing where to turn for inspiration. I made a mental note to mention this during my group meeting on Thursday to see if either my tutor, Odella, or my peers could give me some direction. When finding a tone of voice for BDTM, I wanted something engaging yet not too serious, which did not come off as pandering or too informal. This is why I struggled to write the caption of the first Instagram post, as I felt that this needed to set the tone for the project and immediately let people know what 'burn down the mansion’ was going to be.

19/1/23

During my meeting with Odella I raised the fact that I felt that creating a docufilm on top of running an Instagram and creating other forms of media may prove to be difficult given the amount of time I have for this project. In response to this, Odella advised that I create TikToks as opposed to long-form content (what I usually make). I have never made TikToks before so this would be a good way to step out of my comfort zone

20/1/23

As for the Instagram progress, I had been able to go from 0 followers to 29 within the first 2 days of the account's existence.

To keep people engaged I have created a linktree, a platform where users can share multiple links to different websites in one profile. BDTM's linktree contains the Instagram profile, TikTok page and a playlist comprised of songs by women that I feel reflect BDTM's aesthetic, attitude and ethos. It will eventually also have the website once it has gone public.

In order to create the best possible content for my intended audience, I needed to further establish who this intended audience was going to be. I began to narrow down my target audience into specific categories.

When thinking of the TikTok content I wanted to create, as per Odella's recommendation, I thought about the types of content that I frequently see on my homepage. One genre that stands out in particular is the impromptu street interviews, in which content creators will ask random people to answer questions. The process is filmed, edited and uploaded to TikTok. This inspired me to use this format, as gathering the opinions of others would contribute to conversations that should be taking place in response to the shortcomings of the fashion industry.

I thought that, instead of filming in Kingston or even in London, that I would travel to Brighton to conduct my interviews. By veering away from the place I have lived for several years, I feel that I could garner opinions that may differ more, as London does tend to be a bit of a 'bubble' at times. I created a list of questions which would act as prompts for myself and any interviewees.

I also created a sign to wear in Brighton in order to encourage people to approach me.

I then ordered a microphone to ensure that the audio quality would be adequate.

This entire process is unlike anything I have done before so I was quite nervous to embark on this journey.

Additionally, to aid my research into what other types of content I should create, I wrote a survey to send out. Examples of the questions are as follows:

How critical do you believe you are in terms of the fashion media and advertising that you consume?

Of the fashion media/advertising you consume, how much of it do you think is harmful?

Do you enjoy content that critically analyses fashion or fashion-adjacent content?

Would a platform/community focusing on critically analysing fashion media interest you?

What would encourage you to follow a platform that focused on reshaping the fashion/lingerie industries and posted fashion/lingerie content that was inclusive, creative and aimed to raise awareness of industry issues?

Which of these issues in the fashion/lingerie industries would you like to see an analysis of?

I began putting together a presentation to show to my peers and tutors on Tuesday 24/1, which outlined the idea, my plans for content creation, the target audience and research to support my idea.

24/1/23

I presented my work to my peers as well as Niki, Odella and Tony. Tony stated that he was impressed with my work from the previous project, which was very encouraging to hear. Both Niki and Odella suggested that a podcast would be an interesting format for the type of content I was going to be creating. I may use this idea after I have properly launched the TikTok content.

30/1/23

I had a varying level of success with my video interviews in Brighton. Many people approached me with enthusiasm, or responded kindly when I approached them to participate. Many onlookers stared at me, which I expected. In one instance, I had someone make a derogatory comment, stating that they 'wanted to talk about sex with me' in a manner that made me feel uneasy. Though this was uncomfortable, it definitely played into the idea that men see openness about sexuality as a means of taking advantage of people and thus proved a lot of the points I am aiming to make in this project.

Having conducted the video interviews, my next step was to edit my clips down into short form video content to upload as TikToks or Reels. I've had some difficulty with this as the most recent Premiere Pro update has moved a lot of tools around therefore reducing my ease of use. I have watched YouTube tutorials to help counteract this.

Recently, whilst researching for this project, I came across a video in which ex-MEP Alex Phillips cited the new Sam Smith video for an increase in reports of sexual misconduct, also referring to David Carrick's presence in the Met police and the sexual crimes he committed during that period. This shocked me, as I believe there to be no correlation between somebody expressing their sexuality creatively through costuming, dance and other visual elements, and crimes that greatly impact and disturb others. This led me into creating another post for the BDTM Instagram which tackled the perception of lingerie, sexuality and how bigotry can misinform people.

2/2/3

On this day I had my usual seminar with Odella and was able to update her on my progress. She recommended writing about how BDTM could create waves in the fashion industry.

I believe the relevance that 'burn down the mansion' has within industry is through its message of increasing awareness of how fashion content impacts consumers. BDTM is a representation of change in the way that fashion media is produced, valuing creativity and representation at its' core. This could affect the way in which many existing fashion brands and publications operate. From a business perspective, BDTM could be beneficial as it could help to encourage sales. If people feel represented rather than excluded, they are far more likely to buy from a brand, or at least have a positive view of it.

Another recommendation from Odella was to be more daring in the content I create. As part of this challenge, I want to utilise an older model in a BDTM campaign. Not only will this prove that diversity as at the heart of BDTM but it will also go directly against the standards set by the media - increasingly youthful people dressing in a provocative way. In order to get this process underway, I began brainstorming concepts and created a moodboard.

I specifically wanted to use an older woman in this photoshoot, because as women get older, the media tends to "forget" about them. Young models, actresses or women in other fields are offered opportunities that their older counterparts are not. This phenomenon does not tend to extend to men in the same way. I also believe that women of this age are discouraged from embracing their sexuality, so I want to encourage this to change in a raunchy, fun way.

My reasoning behind using Pamela Anderson as inspiration is because I see her as someone who had her identity stolen from her. Anderson was a victim of a sex tape leak in 1995, which caused her career to collapse and her reputation to be ruined. Though neither Anderson nor then-husband Tommy Lee consented for the tape's distribution, they were forced to sign the rights to it away after a laborious legal battle. I felt as if utilising Pamela's likeness in a way that is powerful would be extremely effective.

Finding models for this is proving to be hard; at this point I have used Facebook groups, contacted my parents friends and have had very little luck.

7/2/3

Recently, I have been editing down the TikTok video. It's been a very lengthy process as I don't tend to create short-form content and am not used to having to edit down 2-3 minute long clips of people talking. I wanted to make the video eye-catching in order to grab the attention of TikTok users, as this demographic are used to short, snappy videos. At this point, I am very close to finishing the video, and will just need another day to record a voiceover for the intro.

8/2/23

As I'm quite prone to anxiety, at this point I felt my stress mounting. The self-directed nature of this project caused me to panic and feel as if I'm not doing enough. Additionally, the lack of following on BDTM's Instagram made me nervous about reaching the goal I had set for myself. I realised that uploading the TikTok/Reel I was making would most likely assist in growing my follower base, so I prioritised finishing it off.

9/2/23

I managed to finish the TikTok then showed it to Odella, Louis and Kitty, who all gave me really positive feedback. This boosted my confidence a lot as I was nervous throughout the editing process and was convincing myself that the video wasn't good enough. I was praised for my editing ability and my diverse array of interviewees. I was encouraged, for the any future pieces of content I created, to try interviewing people in a different area.

I waited for a good moment to upload it, as TikTok's algorithm prioritises videos posted at certain times. I chose popular hashtags by looking at other creators' street interviews. I also uploaded a teaser as a reel on Instagram.

I then ran into huge difficulty as my video got removed on TikTok for violating community guidelines. This meant I had to go back, censor certain words, then attempt to reupload.

Fortunately, the Instagram teaser reel is fine.

My next endeavour for this project is to adjust the video for TikTok, then to create posters to put around London to gain a larger following for BDTM.

13/2/23

Over the weekend, I was able to create a flyer with a QR code link to the Instagram. I wanted to put these up in Kingston and around central London in order to attract more followers.

I decided to use bold text in one of the fonts used in my other communications in order to be both consistent and eye-catching, despite the lack of colour. The design is in black and white thus keeping printing costs down, meaning I could print more leaflets.

In order to build hype for the launch of the website, I wanted to create content that I could tease. This includes the photoshoot with an older model. Fortunately, my tutor Niki has been able to provide 2 potential models for me to work with.

17/2/23

I was able to talk with Veronique, one of Niki's friends, to outline the shoot to her. She was very on board with the idea. I sent her this list of requirements and details.

I had browsed for studios for a while to find one that was a good fit. QUEST is based in Canning Town, is affordable, and has facilities which are ideal for the shoot: Hollywood mirrors, a wind machine and several different coloured backdrops.

Whilst waiting for Veronique to confirm availability for a shoot date, I uploaded the full censored version of my Brighton street interview video to Instagram. Previously, I had only posted the teaser which was 90 seconds long, but since I had difficulty uploading the full video to TikTok, I thought it made sense to post it to Instagram at least.

I got two of my friends who are also on fashion promotion, Tali and Anna, to watch the updated censored edition of the video to see if they could identify what wasn't passing TikTok's community guidelines. Anna brought up the fact that using a banner over the word 'sex' that said 'censored' may be the reason the video was flagged. She suggested putting a plain line through the word instead, or creating several shorter videos to post. I will be taking on this feedback and re-editing the video again.

I then decided to take a look at the results of my primary research again. I noticed that my friend Megan, who hosts a podcast, had offered to talk about BDTM in an episode. Megan's podcast, 'Blonde Moment', is described as 'a discussion of stereotypically 'girly' topics that covers their impact on fashion, media and wider culture'. This sounded like a perfect platform to promote BDTM on and a great way to discuss topics that were relevant to both parties. Blonde Moment is broadcast on Livewire1350, which is University of East Anglia's award winning student radio station. This would allow me to reach an even wider audience than before.

18/2/23

I began adding more information to my BDTM presentation pitch, as all of our year will be presenting to eachother on Tuesday the 21st. This included adding a SWOT analysis, competitor analysis, primary research, secondary research, an overview of aesthetics and an overall mission statement as per Niki's recommendation.

When looking at competitors, I found it hard to think of many, yet the most obvious was Polyester Zine, as their aesthetics, ethics and overall message are similar to that of BDTM. One of the key differences is that they have a large team and are therefore able to produce far more content than I am able to currently. I also compared BDTM to Crack magazine, a publication which interviews well known and lesser known artists in equal measures. Their editorials are fantastic which is why I want to embody their essence into my own work. Additionally, giving a platform to smaller artists is an aspect I would like to incorporate into the way BDTM operates - all the way from models to makeup artists to writers.

I had another go at reuploading the Brighton video to TikTok and was once again met with a guideline violation, which I have appealed. If the appeal is successful, my video will be reinstated.

19/2/23

After discussing shoot arrangements with Veronique, the time slot I wanted at QUEST Studios had unfortunately already been booked. I discussed times with her again and have booked a slot for Tuesday 28th February for 2P.M.-4P.M. Though this is not the slot I initially wanted, delaying the shoot allows me more time to acquire the props and clothing items that myself nor Veronique own.

20/2/23

I decided that, since my shoot is not until next week, I should use this time to upload more content to the social media pages and website, especially since I want to start teasing the launch of the website. In order to plan the content I would release, I came up with a provisional timeline.

I thought that this would make it far easier to plan what I was going to post and when, and would also hold me accountable. For today's post, teasing the website launch seemed like a good idea to build hype. I therefore decided to update the look of the website to make sure it was up to standard.

I began adding more of my content to the website and changing the layout from how it was in the mockup from the last project, as I felt it would be better to have a menu where viewers could browse all of the types of projects individually, rather than having links to each project in the 'top bar' of the website. This made the site look a lot less cluttered and made navigation far easier.

I added a dynamic wallpaper to the homepage, as well as a featured articles section and the playlist.

My priority now is preparing for the shoot I have on the 28th.

21/2/23

My presentation to the tutors and rest of my class went well - not much feedback was given and we were limited to just 3 minutes each but I felt that I said almost everything I set out to. My task today was to buy the remaining props and clothing I wanted to use. I thought that going to Boux Avenue was the best option but was unsuccessful there, so went to Ann Summers instead. I purchased a black bodycon dress with a cutout section in the middle which had corset-style criss cross ties. This was perfect for one of the outfits, as it bears similarity to the one Pamela Anderson wore to play Barb Wire.

23/2/23

Yesterday I was able to post another Instagram story teaser for the launch of the BDTM website. This was a screen recording of the website in mobile view, blurred as to not reveal too much too soon, with the countdown over the top of it.

In line with my content timeline, I also created another set of 'slides' to post to my Instagram. One of my pieces of feedback from Odella was to explain or demonstrate to people beyond my 'echo chamber' why BDTM exists. This led me to look back at the survey responses I had received and analyse them.

The above three questions stood out to me the most as being helpful in demonstrating the value of BDTM - easily interpreted statistics as well as answers written by survey participants. I set to creating my own graphics to post to the Instagram.

I posted this to Instagram on 24/2. One of the issues I've found with the social media is that I haven't had much reach, despite myself and my friends reposting the content on our own social media. I'd realised I probably wouldn't achieve the goal of 5,000 followers which I had set at the beginning of the project. The page is currently on 65 followers. I spoke to Odella about this and she assured me that the amount of followers was not a graded metric and that the content I was creating was a lot more prominent than the follower count.

1/3/23

Yesterday I had my photoshoot in Canning Town with Veronique, her friend Michelle and my runner Lexy. We arrived at around 1:50 P.M. Immediately, we began preparing the set with the help of Dean who owns QUEST Studios. This included fixing the lights and sorting out the backdrops, as well as helping me connect to the speaker to create a good atmosphere to shoot and giving me a few tips regarding my camera settings.

I started by letting Veronique change into the outfit which comprised of the pleather dress I had bought and items from her own wardrobe and selecting her favourite songs for Lexy to add to a playlist so she felt energised during the shoot. Afterwards I began doing her makeup. I used a minimal amount of concealer, then creating a smokey eye look. In order to waste no time, we then began shooting almost immediately. Veronique was a fantastic model and was really embodying Pamela Anderson throughout the shoot.

04/03/23

Yesterday I launched the BDTM website for the first time, complete with its first blog posts written by myself and the other content I had created from the first iteration of this project in 2022.

I also began to work on post-production of the photographs I shot on the 28th. In my tutor group session with Odella, I had been advised to opt for a warmer tone rather than cool tone when editing my pictures. I was unsure about this at first but after editing the images I thought that the warmer ones had a more vintage feel. Though the original Barb Wire promotional images are cool-toned, I prefer the warmer editing on the photographs I took.

This style of editing wasn't going to work on all of the photographs I took, as there were 3 different 'scenes' I was shooting: the first with flat lighting and a red backdrop as can be seen above, the second in front of a Hollywood mirror, and the third using a red gel over dark lighting in front of a black backdrop.

The above before/after was shot in the third 'scene'. Though I like this edit and it makes the image clearer to an extent, I think the raw image leaves more to the imagination in a very sultry fashion, making it more suggestive. However, the clarity of the second image is better.

Odella also suggested that I create a contact sheet from the photographs, print them out in A1 or A0, and display it at the exhibition of our final projects that we are having in a few months time. I thought this was a fantastic idea and will definitely enact it. She also said I could draw over the contact sheet in lipstick. This seems like something that Pam would do as it's a little 'tongue-in-cheek'. I thought it may be a better idea to provide cheap lipsticks in different tones for people to draw on the contact sheet with, but realised this may backfire as it would make the photographs less visible the more people drew on the sheet. I believe having an interactive element at the public showing would be brilliant but will continue contemplating what this could be.

5/3/23

I set out to do another photoshoot with another model - my friend Lib. Lib is a plus-size non binary student who embodies a very feminine aesthetic. I felt that, by shooting with them, I could prove to the public that embracing sensuality and wearing lingerie is doable no matter your body type or gender. Below is a moodboard I created for this shoot.

Lib has a love of the colour blue and I felt that embracing this would not only make them more comfortable but would also veer away from the colours traditionally associated with romance and love, such as pinks and reds. Shooting in their own bedroom keeps to this blue theme and is a lot more intimate as it lets us delve into Lib's "world".

6/3/23

Tomorrow is the due date for the blog which unnerves me slightly as I'm vastly over the word count and don't feel as if this project is finished; I've not yet posted the images from the Pamela shoot as I've been editing for several days and the website needs more content. The fact that I'm handing in something that feels unfinished is nervewracking but I'm going to persist nonetheless and I'm proud of the work I've done thus far. I've had a fair few difficulties throughout this process - finding a model in the 40-60 age demographic, having my content blocked on TikTok, finding the funds to create the best possible outputs - yet this has all helped build my problem-solving skills.

12/3/23

As the end of my project nears, I have been making sure to tie up loose ends and publish the content I created. This past week, I've finished editing the images from 'Pam: Reborn', uploaded them to the website, posted them to Instagram and altered the 'videos' section of the website.

I was able to set a shoot date with Lib - Friday 17/3. Though this is a little later than I would've hoped it gives me time to make sure I get other facets of the project completed before embarking on the shoot.

My next task was to upload more of the photographs from the Pam shoot to Instagram.

17/3/23

Unfortunately, I became extremely ill over the weekend, however I did not cancel the shoot I did today with Lib. The shoot took place in their bedroom and was themed around embracing plus size women in lingerie.

CLICK HERE FOR PART TWO OF THE FMP FINAL BLOG POST

[demoflo]

Bootrec the requested system device cannot be found

So a while back when the Windows 10 Upgrade had popped up on my computer, I upgraded with no problem at all. Why is that? View 3 Replies Lenovo ThinkPad T520 / No Operating System Found Sep 21, 2015 Is it normal that if I type net start tcpip6 on the cmd the result system error 2, not found?Īlso, I do not have the file tcpip6.sys on /system32/drivers. View 2 Replies Networking :: Tcpip6 Not Found - System Error 2 Oct 16, 2015 Is there anything that I can do? I'm hoping there's a way I can force the notebook to recognize the USB, or at least boot into the f2 or f12 commands to see if I can use them in any way. My acer doesn't have a CD-ROM or anything of the sort, so the USB appears to be my only hope. I plugged that in, yet it doesn't seem to recognize it at all. Today, I downloaded Win 10 using the Media Creation Tool in an attempt to create a bootable USB drive. I do have a USB Logitech K120 keyboard hooked up to it (since the original keyboard messed up,) but it had been working fine for those commands and such up until now. My first option was to try to use either f2 or f12 to see if there was some way to get around the issue, but then I remembered that, recently, my notebook had stopped responding to those commands. Press Ctrl+Alt+Del to restart," popped up. Try disconnecting any drives that don't contain an operating system. When I turned it back on, the message "An operating system wasn't found. The reset failed, so I turned off the notebook. Eventually, I ran into some issues with the start menu not popping up, so I decided to run a clean reset of Windows 10. My Acer Aspire One was upgraded to Windows 10. I received this message with new SSD (replacement) but I know receive same message with old SSD? View 1 Replies Reset Failed - Operating System Not Found Feb 23, 2016 Every time I turn on PC I get the message "an operating system wasn't found try disconnecting other drives". Trying to change boot sequence to read DVD drive first but can't get into bios. View 2 Replies Operating System Not Found Mar 5, 2016 View 3 Replies PC Says No Operating System Found Jan 14, 2016 Ctrl alt delete only gets me a blank screen and any key gets me the same error message. I have a lenovo system that can't find the system disk. View 1 Replies Error 1962 On Lenovo System - No Operating System Found Nov 26, 2015 I've checked to make sure my hard drive was set to the boot drive and I've tried reinstalling but that doesn't work either. Whenever booting my pc I get a "operating system wasn't found error". What else can i do? View 2 Replies System Not Booting - Operating System Wasn't Found Error Aug 18, 2015 I have also tried different sata ports on my motherboard, resetting bios settings, changing boot order, changed sata cable. I get the error 0xc00000f and have to recreate the media creation tool on the usb. (If i say Yes to rebuild both of those, my media creation usb stops working if i restart. *rebuildbcd tells me i have 2 installed windows os. I have tried with the command prompt the following commands Startup repair does not work, error is "the hard drive is locked" Made a win10 usb with the media creation tool from another computer. I fixed that problem now im greeted with a black screen with something like "no bootable device found please detach any devices"

Upon starting again i was greeted with "no operating system found" My computer had froze and i forced a shut down via power button.

I upgraded from windows 7 to 10 about 2 weeks ago, absolutely no issues, i was happy with everything. Installation :: No Operating System Found And No Bootable Device Jan 2, 2016 I typed in "yes" however it said "the requested system device cannot be found." View 1 Replies Total identified Windows installations: 1 D:Windows Add installation to boot list? Yes/No/All:" Successfully scanned Windows installations. Please wait, since this may take a while. "Scanning all disks for Windows installations. i typed "bootrec rebuildbcd" on cmd from the windows recovery media advanced options and came up with So i researched and found a tutorial on how to fix the bcd. I restarted my computer to see that an error message said " you pc needs ti be repaired " and something abour rhe boot configuration data being missing. My computer was on sleep mode and my sister plugged it off. BCD Repair - The Requested System Device Cannot Be Found Nov 16, 2015

[orbitalsockets]

Twenty Tips for People Starting College, From Someone Who’s About to Graduate

1. Don’t pack everything. No, I’m serious, you don’t need eleven towels, pack like two or three at most. Whatever you end up bringing with you is going to end up being way too much stuff for a tiny dorm and it’s overwhelming. Take essentials, stuff you use every day, stock up on some snacks and easy to make foods and call it a day. Aunt Barbara’s quilt that you haven’t looked at since third grade can stay behind. 

2. Nobody is looking at you. In class, at on campus dining facilities, in the library, wherever, they are not looking at you. They’re more worried about their bio lab that they’re late for or their giant essay that’s due Friday that they haven’t started than your bad hair day. 

3. If someone IS watching you, or following you, have campus police on speed dial. Call them, alert them, and go to the nearest building that’s open and full of people. 

4. Carry a tazer. They say you’re not supposed to and it’s against the rules and whatever, but even professors told me straight up to make sure I had one. Not everyone is trustworthy and if you have late classes, you need to be safe. 

5. Put your schedule on your homescreen. You can find photo widgets that let you add photos to your homescreen without changing your background. It makes it super easy to pull up your schedule and locations so you’re not standing in the middle of campus flipping through your gallery like a lost tourist. 

6. If you put your ID on a lanyard, don’t wear it around your neck. I don’t know why, but it totally outs you as a freshman and it’s embarrassing. Carry it in a bag or in your pocket. 

7. Don’t worry about how much you’re eating. Seriously. You’re adjusting to a huge new change in your life, it’s cool if now that you’re on your own you eat extra cookies with dinner. Also, nobody in the dining hall cares if you get a second plate of pasta - they probably did too. 

8. If you see anyone stealing food from a place that doesn’t allow carry out, mind your own business. 

9. Your professors are more than likely willing to work with you. You will most likely have some dick heads, but most of them are willing to accommodate if shit happens. 

10. In contrary to number nine, if you have a chronic illness, fight for accommodations immediately and DO NOT STOP. Professors with strict attendance policies will screw your grades faster than you’ve ever seen. If you find out you have a chronic illness while in college, set up a support system and advocate for yourself until you feel like you’re going insane. It’s going to be rough, no matter what their diversity statement says. 

11. If crazy protesters come to campus, go heckle them and have some fun. I’ve had friends tell me it looks childish, but honestly one of my favorite memories of college was heckling a religious guy who was calling students whores while I was dressed as a wizard and holding the Satanic bible. 

12. If crazy protesters come to campus, DO NOT TOUCH THEM. They are not allowed to touch you, and you cannot touch them or it’s assault. If you have anger issues and are easily pissed off by whatever the protesters are there for, stay home. 

13. Literally nobody puts headings on their papers. Like, nobody. The people that do look like overachievers by the time you’re a senior. Just 12 font, Times New Roman, double space, and you’re solid. 

14. C’s get degrees. Do not kill yourself over one or two bad grades, you will still graduate. Jobs don’t give a shit what your GPA was, they care that you have the degree and are qualified to do the job. Perfection is not plausible for 99% of people and that’s okay. 

15. If you’re going to a bar for the first time and you’ve never drank, drink s l o w l y. See how you feel after one - If you’re okay, go ahead and have another. Don’t try to keep up with the heavy drinkers you’re with, or you will end up in the hospital. 

16. If you want to try drugs, research the drug first. ESPECIALLY if you’re on any medications. Research the effects, bad effects of it, what a normal dose is, what it should look like, and if you can, buy a tester. If they’re weird about testing the drugs, those drugs are more than likely fake and cut with shit that will kill you. 

17. If you do drugs or drink and have a bad reaction, go to the hospital. The hospital workers are aware that they’re in a college town, they know how to treat you and how to help, and they will not call the police. Their goal is to help you, not get you in trouble. If someone else has a bad experience, regardless of what everyone else tells you, CALL AN AMBULANCE. You will not go to jail, but you will - for manslaughter, I might add - if you let that person die. 

18. Buy a loud noise making key chain. There’s some that shriek, others make a siren sound, they’re like $10 on Amazon. If you go out alone and someone is making you uncomfortable, turn it on and let it blare until they leave. Stay with people after that to make sure they don’t follow you home. The streets will more than likely be busy until the early hours of the morning, so people will hear it and look. 

19. Citation Machine does indeed work for citations. It’s not perfect, but most professors see that it’s the gist of the citation and let it slide. In four years I have not once been marked off for my citations and I have used Citation Machine every time. 

20. Academia is incredibly ableist and classist. If you feel out of place because you have a disability/chronic illness, mental health issues, neurodivergencies or grew up poor, it’s because of the ingrained ableism and classism in higher education. You deserve to be there, even if you can’t relate to what academia has considered to be what a perfect student looks like. 

[spacewizardtrek]

WARNING: This post will ruin you. Like Medusa; look at your peril.

But here is is. It’s the one you’ve all been waiting for.

Kirk bod appreciation #7: The RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL FACE. A highly technical and academic review.

This is a rather nebulous one. And not, on the face of it (pardon the pun) very philosophical, as it’s essentially about Kirk being stupidly pretty. This post probably will (it will) descend into just screaming and sobbing, but there will be, I promise, *some* meaningful insight into the meaning of ‘beauty’ and textual analysis of its role herein.

Beauty is subjective. But look at him. It’s not just being aesthetic, but it’s the *way* he’s aesthetic. Here I might repeat myself a bit, but stay with me. I may have mentioned before once hearing him described as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is PRETTY. He is indeed often conveyed in the way the women stereotypically (not necessarily rightly) are on screen: perfect, smooth skin; soft, big eyes; luscious lips (his body is sensually curvaceous and furthermore it’s emphasised). He’s not androgynous though. He’s masculine. And yet I still sense what was meant in describing him as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is a rather uncommon form of gender fuckery. He is a form of stereotype-subversion not commonly acknowledged. He seems to be everything at once, ALL THE GENDER; combines whichever traits he desires from those categories, and yet is undeniably a man and masculine whatever the ingredients. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE, one might wonder. The fact of the matter is, that it IS. And it teaches us something.

The FUCK. nO. You are not allowed to be that pretty, and you are NOT allowed to look at her like that. We’re trying to have a SENSIBLE DISCUSSION here.

Sorry, that was a non-sequitur / nothing to do with what we learn by Kirk’s embodiment; I was just ambushed by my own gif. Only the control of a Vulcan. ONLY that could possibly withstand this onslaught. And even that won’t hold up forever AS WE WELL KNOW

God.

This is going well, as you can tell.

OK. So, it’s claimed he has Eyes and Stupidly Long Weakness-Inducing Eyelashes. You know, from all that fanfic that goes on about ‘big, sparkling eyes’ and him fanning his ‘long, copper eyelashes’. I mean, yeah right, tropey mc tropeface -

IT’S TRUE. HE IS LITERALLY AN ANIME PRINCESS.

There are some moments where he just BLINKS and, how to describe it...how does a BLINK have that effect. It’s NOT ALLOWED.

...I’m sorry. It IS allowed. All of it. I am not shaming you your beauty. Never change, Jim. Never.

OK. I’m ok. 3 pics down, we can get through this -

Oh you are joking. Stop.

I don’t understand how anyone can be so beautiful. Life is a lie. Reality is fake -

- you did NOT just turn your big anime eyes on Spock. You do know this is why he ran away to PURGE ALL HIS EMOTIONS?

And for that matter, you know when Kirk looks his most beautiful? Literally WHEN HE’S LOOKING AT SPOCK. Spock talks some bollocks and Kirk just sparkles like a fucking angel:

Unbelievable. But utterly undeniable.

Sigh. Moving on.

Oh - someone once suggested I talk about The Lips. Lips are so wonderful aren’t they. So many wonderful things they can do.

And Kirk’s. They’re there in every picture: perfect, rosy, soft and madness-inducing. My advice is just...don’t think about them. But since I’ve been asked to draw attention to them, well, you’ve just sealed your fate. Scroll down at your peril.

I WARNED YOU.

I am pulling NO punches.

I’ve seen this great meme going around:

Excuse me though....CUTE?

That’s the understatement of the 23rd century.

Try impossibly beautiful, mind and body: heart of solid gold, soul deep in love with you. Those eyes and all their passion burned into your memories a thousand times over, along with - maybe, suggestibly, idk I’m extrapolating from all the goddamn tension - even the one unforgettable time he laid between lily-white sheets and gave himself to you; every gift of the mind, body and soul - and your ostensibly-forced Vulcan conditioning, that completely ignored how incompatible one part of you was with it, caused so much dissonance that you thought the only possible course of action for you both to survive was to BREAK UP, tear yourself from this beauty and love and sweetness to PURGE ALL EMOTIONS because nothing, nothing equipped you for this; you were set up specifically to fail, and fail hard in the face of transcendental love and beauty by those who rejected such things and didn’t understand you and could never imagine this for you and who instead of helping your beautiful neurodivergent brain flourish taught you to repress and caused you pain and shame and Gol was so hard and Kirk was so sad, so very sad and depressed and hurt and yet he couldn’t stop loving you with a bond so strong he called to you across the stars and Gol was all for naught yet you still didn’t know how to live like this, it was torture, torture until the mind meld with the living machine flashed your BIOS and you knew, love.exe was suddenly running with no errors and he came after you and held you and you held hands and, and -

.

*sobbing*

.

just...give me a moment

.

YOU WONDER WHAT THE SUBTEXT (FRIKKIN’ MAIN TEXT) OF STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE WAS ALL ABOUT???

The pain?? The angst?? The two logical entities seeking contact, love, THIS SIMPLE FEELING? That fucking moment when spock walks on the bridge and the only way he can control himself is to be SUPER Vulcan, while his love gazes at him with those EYES, fucking huge and glittering and hurt and loving?? Is it so much a mystery what memories these two are carrying, what’s behind the searing tension???????

Love him. Love him Spock. Take him in your arms and love him. He’s for you. All for you. Fucking hell guys. The fuck. This movie.

.

ok.

ok I can do this

CAN U NOT

those damn eyes I swear

It’s obviously not all just superficial physical beauty. What IS beauty? Narratively we do sometimes find this ‘prettiness’ enhanced and emphasized like the old vaseline lens to set the tone of a scene (he’s vulnerable and delicate, or someone’s indeed in love with him so we see their ‘lens’ on him); but it is somewhat intangible and nebulous and changeable. I don’t think aesthetic beauty, if one deems it so, on its own, would be enough for the likes of Spock (indeed, no woman could charm him thusly); it's about something deeper. It’s about who he is. Who he is inside: the beautiful AND the imperfect. How his good and bad - how his ‘all’ -  chimes with Spock’s 'all’. The Enemy Within deals with this, and shows how Spock loves all of Kirk, wants him complete, with both his light and shadow. The beauty of all of us is this totality and variance, not one intangible quality.

I’ll bet Spock’s parents knew immediately. Can you imagine Sarek trying to be a total bitch over Kirk, having heard the rumours and just wanting to have one more thing to reject Spock over, immediately projecting onto Kirk as some blow-up pretty-boy and how Incredibly More Disappointing My Son Is for being Obviously In Love With Stupid Illogical Human Doll Face Bubble Butt Bimbo Captain, and Amanda’s like, stfu, let me remind you Kirk is actually a Fucking Amazing Highly Decorated Starship Captain who Saves Your Life and don’t you DARE resent him just because he’s got tits/ass/tum/lips that won’t quit and is obviously the freakin’ sun Spock orbits. Mr ‘I married a human but that was special because it was logical’ or some bullshit. How is Kirk an illogical choice? I mean literally, Spock is a Science Genius™ on the federation’s FLAGSHIP whose well-matched Genius Captain™ understands him, accepts him, brings the best out of him, helps him fulfil his whole potential and is in love with him in the deepest and purest way and will be his bonded soulmate for ALL OF TIME and that fucking sour-faced bih at the start of that ep, ffs.

Of course Amanda stays in touch with Kirk, adores the fuck out of him, sends him old Vulcan lit on t’hy’la bonds (yes sarek, a T’HY’LA bond, so revered freakin’ poets write about it) etc because frankly her son could do FAR FUCKING WORSE.

FAR. FUCKING. WORSE.

Don’t...just don’t slip the bod into the equation, the face is enough for one post. We’re all in therapy for this already, let’s not relapse.

Oh, what’s the use. I’m gonna die. This is it. This is like the Monty Python joke that is so funny it kills you. This man is lethal. I need to stop this thread and purge all my emotions

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That’s it. I’m dead. You’re dead. We’re all dead.

I hope, however, seeing this post was worth it. See you at Gol everyone.

.

.

The Forbidden Texts, DO NOT READ:

Kirk bod appreciation #6: The Curves. The Front. The...chest. AND THE AMAZING GREEN WRAP

Kirk bod appreciation #5: The Paws

Kirk bod appreciation #4: The Curves. The Back. Poetry in motion.  

Kirk bod appreciation #3: Season 3 (Part 1)

Kirk bod appreciation #2b: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #2a: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #1: The Tum

[itsonlystrange]

It’s official, I’m writing all of Stranger Things Season Four

I announced that I was going to do this way back in November, when I originally started, but here’s the official announcement.

Yes! I am writing all of ST 4, since we probably won’t have it for awhile, I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands.

I’ve been writing scripts for about five ish years now. I’ve taken multiple screenwriting classes and I have studied the duffers writing and stranger things itself for about 5 months now, jotting down all character qualities and traits so this will be as realistic as possible.

Now, as we will probably be getting more information as time goes on, this obviously isn’t going to be similar to the actual st4.

But NO! This is NOT A FANFICTION.

I will be writing it like an actual script, I’ve taken notes on the duffers writing and hopefully by the end it will turn out similar enough for you to imagine it as if it was canon.

I will be using ALL EVIDENCE OF SEASON 4 AND ALL PRIOR SEASON KNOWLEDGE ASWELL.

This means, YES! All new characters will be implemented into this season. It also means, YES! All audition tapes we’ve seen thus far (that aren’t from prexisting movies that the duffers used to try and trick us with) WILL BE REAL SCENES.

ALSO: the video store friday list comes into this big time. We don’t know exactly why certain VSF movies were put on the list, but I will be watching all VSF movies to get an idea on how the actual ST4 will play out so I can incorporate that into my version.

This will be completely canon compliant (SO FAR) as I’ve said, things will change by the time I get this done, so our educated guesses now could be very unreliable once we get actual set pics and more audition tapes and leaks. HOWEVER:

Since we don’t know where the Byers moved, they will be in Chicago.

NOW FOR WHAT IT WILL INCLUDE:

-Canon Byler

NOW HANG ON! No! I will not be tearing apart Mileven. Mike and El WILL break up but mutually and respectively. THIS IS NOT A FANFICTION, meaning all the characters WILL BE IN CHARACTER! So if that means Mileven takes longer to break up, then so be it. My goal is for this to sound real, for it to sound like it could actually be a season of stranger things.

NO! The main plot line will NOT BE BYLER. This isn’t a byler script. This is stranger things season four. All I can say is that Byler will be canon by the end. And the two scripts and sneak peaks I have posted thus far give you a hint as to how it will happen.

- I know I already said this but I’m reiterating: all characters from leaked audition tapes and Charles Murphy leaks and official stranger things announcements will be in this season. (Minus Fred bc we know virtually nothing about him so I can’t create a character surrounding someone we know nothing about) this includes: Hellfire club members and Eddie, Jason and ten basketball team, Chrissy, Vickie, Angela, Jake, argyle, and more!

-Brenner, Owens, and Lonnie are all back.

-Wileven angst (as I feel that is realistic after studying both of their characters) however you will get good wileven content.

-Will and El are still being bullied.

-Joyce and Murray team up (duh)

-Mike runs away to the Byers for Will’s birthday

-Will develops powers, HOWEVER, they are not even remotely similar to el’s powers and are more similar to the powers he already has (sensing the mind flayer) but on a much bigger scale.

-We meet a new number/lab experiment

-The upside down is seeking into Hawkins

-hellfire club is under scrutiny and people are accusing them of all the bad stuff going on in Hawkins

-A current main character will die along with some new characters. (Sorry guys! Like I said, this will be realistic and I have to do this in order for it to be realistic!)

-Will gets a coming out scene.

-Max and Dustin team up.

-Robin and Nancy team up.

-Max isn’t doing too hot rn but shes getting a GREAT arc.

-Lucas Is on the basketball team and is semi popular but is being used to do the upper class men’s bidding, he gets AN ACTUAL ARC THIS SEASON! (Hurray!!)

-Heartfelt Joyce moments.

-An AWESOME sound track! I’ll be creating a Spotify playlist for this!!

-Nine episodes! (Since we don’t know the current episode titles I’ll be creating them as I go, but PLEASE be aware that we’ll probably have the real episode titles before my season is done.)

-This s season will be very similar to seasons one and two.

-Much more darker elements.

-Will actually gets screen time and is a center plot point again.

-Billy is still dead lol. No revival! Sorry!

-Kids in America plays !!

-El is a total badass this season.

-Mike and Robin moments.

-Murray and Erica moments.

-Dustin gets a super amazing plot that I’m super excited for!

-A much scarier threat this time, the worse they’ve encountered.

-And MUCH MUCH MORE!

I CURRENTLY HAVE EPISODES 1, 2, AND HALF OF 3 COMPLETED.

Episode one will be available very soon. Full season will be out by April or May hopefully, maybe sooner.

-THERE WILL BE A TRAILER!!

PLEASE REBLOG AND SPREAD THE WORD.

Check out my Instagram, @bylerluvver for sneak peaks.

I’ll be updating this ever so often, and will be posting sneak peaks here and there to get you guys pumped.

STAY TUNED!

-REBLOG PLEASE-

PS: link will be in my bio and pinned hopefully after I finish episode three.

Each episode will be about an hour in screen time, or about 80 pages.

EPISODE ONE OUT SOON!

[exsanguisdraconis]

A Note on Loki:

So this needs to be added to his bio. My muses page is temporary anyway so I didn’t think it would matter, but it doesn’t look like I’m getting around to fixing it any time soon, so I’m going to go ahead and point a couple little things out for anyone looking to write with Loki.

1. Please pay attention to the notes I’ve made on my Loki’s personality. It has shifted slightly since Loki’s change into a dragon.

2. My Loki is MCU based and canon up to TDW. Basically after Loki fakes his death in TDW, he goes completely divergent.

3. I’m not interested in threads pre-transformation. You can interact with him during any time after he’s changed, we can do any number of plots and AUs after the rebirth, but not before. 

4. The only reason I opened Loki back up as a muse is because there is a canon multi-verse that the MCU is currently interacting with. Depending on your character and when in the timeline you wanna interact, I am ok with your muse and my Loki being from the same universe, but honestly it’s probably just going to be easier to have them be from different universes. It’s totally probable for my Loki to explore other universes in their research. Maybe they go on to fuck stuff up in another universe because it’s seen as “inconsequential” bc it happens in a place totally devoid of consequence to him and the people he gives a shit about. Maybe he’s more inclined to be helpful. Anything could happen. So let’s not sleep on the multi-verse thing and get too rigid about how different my Loki’s path has been. 

5. I use Ruth Wilson as a female fc for Loki, and I am 99 percent certain I’m changing his male fc to Hozier at a certain point in the timeline. I do feel like once Loki leaves Asgard behind it is entirely maybe he just leaves the face behind as well. Because it makes traveling on other realms a bother, especially Midgard. But also I don’t use icons much, and there will be long periods of time where Loki chooses to spend his life in dragon form like my others do.

6. I don’t do incest or selfcest. Sorry if that disappoints. I’m just not comfortable with it. I don’t necessarily think it’s ooc for him, I just don’t wanna write it tbh.

7. Loki’s appearance on this blog may be sporadic. They aren’t a primary muse by far. But I if I specifically want to pull back his activity and actually drop threads (which is very rare for me) I do let people know before hand and try to plot something out with different muses. Maybe this won’t be a problem this go around, but I thought I’d put a warning out there.

8. Finally I’m not shrinking the text on this post bc the dash is being wonky rn and some people are having a hard time seeing shit. So all my hcs/psas will probably be unformatted for a bit. You’re still welcome to block my “post type: unformatted” tag.

[sunflowerandco]

Act VI: Looking Back

Rating: T for language

previous acts on the link in my bio :)

Hey everyone. After my favorite combo meal of some good ol' depression™ and school, I'm back to writing! I really hope you enjoy and I'm very thankful for all of the support if you stuck around this long. Thank you so much ❤

I hope you enjoy this origin story for Duncney in this universe

5 years before Act V

Bridgette approached a very focused Courtney in the hall. "Hey, Court. Got any plans this weekend?"

She responded, her face still buried in the locker she was trying to organize before heading home for the weekend. "Studying, studying, and more studying. I've got two AP exams in two weeks and my livelihood depends on me getting good enough grades."

"Is there any chance you have one day to let yourself have some fun?"

Courtney pondered and knew her response wouldn't please her friend. Still, she delivered it with a smile. "No." She knew Bridgette's campaign for fun was coming any second now as she shut her locker.

“You’ve been studying all week, Courtney. Come to Wasaga with us! My step-dad lent me the beach house for the weekend.”

Courtney felt apprehensive at the idea of a day on the beach with Bridgette, Geoff and their insistent need to suck face most of the time. “No thanks. I don’t want to be your third wheel.”

“You won’t be! It won’t be just me and Geoff. He practically invited our lunch period. Plus, Duncan’s coming...”

“And that holds significance to my decision because...?”

“...Because you like him.”

“I do not! He’s annoying, has no regard for authority, and is so, totally gross. I don’t need you setting up dates for me. At least not another disaster like Bradley.”

“To be fair, you did have a crush on him.”

“That was before I knew he was a total jerk.”

“What matters is that you gave him a chance. Why not give Duncan one? I've seen the way you look at him.” Courtney gave her look, signaling her to quiet down in front of everyone else occupying the halls. Bridgette smiled triumphantly and shrugged her shoulders matter-of-factly, finally getting through to Courtney.

"See? I'm never wrong." Bridgette walked off presumably to find Geoff. "I'll pick you up at two."

"I didn't say yes!"

"Love you, too!"

***

Courtney could deal with sweaty teenagers in a crowded setting. She could deal with speakers blaring in her ears. But, she couldn't stand to see Bradley's face across the room before running to Bridgette.

"Why is Bradley here?!"

"I don't know! I know for a fact Geoff didn't invite him. He was the only person off limits."

She knew she'd have to spend the better half of her day avoiding Bradley.

Courtney stood in front of the bathroom mirror of the beach house, washing her hands and reapplying her lip balm. For one thing, she had to hide from the guy she wasted a month of her life on. On the other hand, she couldn't find him. Not that she cared. Oh, no, no, no. Not Courtney. She didn't come to this outing hoping she'd find him. And she would never admit that even to herself.

When she exited the washroom, she bumped into a brown-haired, blue polo-wearing dudebro practically standing in front of the door.

"Hey, Courtney. You know you can't avoid me forever."

"It doesn't hurt to try."

"Listen, I just wanted to talk."

"In order for that to happen, there'd have to be something to talk about."

"Well, there is. I want to start all over. You and me. I've got drafts coming up for university football. Having a girl on my arm would help with my image and, well, I figured you could benefit changing that uptight, boring image everyone has on you."

Courtney scoffed, feigning interest. "Wow. While that sounds incredibly tempting-" Courtney started off with sarcasm.

Bradley wasn't the most receptive to rejection, but still persisted. "I knew you'd see it my way. It would help the both of us."

Courtney rolled her eyes at his insistent need to cut her off at every chance she had to speak. Her eyes diverted from his and her eyes gravitated to the neon green hair she spotted across the room. He hadn't noticed her stare, but seeing him made a sense calm take over her mind.

"...I'm gonna have to pass. Don't come up to me again wasting my time. I don’t need to associate myself with an asshole like you."

She finally felt like he would leave her alone for the remainder of senior year after letting him hear it. Courtney knew that wasn't the answer he wanted from his displeased layer of expression on his face. She held her hand out with a smile.

"Pleasure doing business with you." He begrudgingly shook her hand to save face from possible onlookers.

***

Duncan, Geoff, and DJ were all engrossed in conversation when Duncan's attention rerouted in Courtney's direction. DJ's voice faded slowly out of the forefront. "...All I'm saying is if dude didn't want his underwear up the flagpole, he should stop leaving it around the locker room!"

"What is he doing here?" Duncan was covertly protective over Courtney in the aspect of terrible ex-boyfriends. His reaction to seeing her shake hands with him made Geoff and DJ turn in that direction.

"I don't know, man. I swear I didn't invite that joke. It seems like they're making up, so that's good." The can Duncan held warped in shape as his grip tightened.

It was no secret how Duncan felt about Bradley. He had to spend two months convincing people that pantsing him, throwing eggs at his car and TP'ing his house were all in the name of fun and not some way of avenging Courtney.

He didn't mean to avoid her after the fact, but it made controlling his emotions easier.

***

Courtney, fresh off of telling Bradley off, finally felt she was able to enjoy herself for the day. As the day transitioned into a darker, breezy evening, her introverted nature dwindled as she allowed herself to let go. Catching up with acquaintances from various classes, taking in the ocean views, and the overall atmosphere made her feel recharged in a rare feat. Still, it was hard to find Duncan while sticking to Bridgette's side. She'd hate to verbally admit she missed trading meaningless quips with him, and it was out of the ordinary for them to be in the same setting without exchanging any words. She separated from her friend when she wandered around several spaces of the house. Then, she heard him.

He was projecting his conversation loud enough for onlookers to hear what he said. "It's actually sad how many times and ways I had to reject that girl. Even today I had to tell her to stay away from me. I mean, why would I want to associate with her?" A few laughs could be heard from the same acquaintances she caught up with at his declarations of rejection all created by him.

Duncan decided he'd heard enough and approached him. "You better watch you say around here. Courtney's not around to defend herself, and I'm known for not using my words to solve problems."

"Oh? Is that bitch your piece of ass for the week?" Bradley immediately felt threatened at how much Duncan was fuming at him. Duncan swung a fist, but he moved out of the way quick enough to dodge the attack.

Geoff immediately came between the two of them to settle the tension. "Just get out of here, dude."

***

She heard every word of it. She didn't want to defend herself for once. Her mind just kept repeating to itself. You need to get out. She sat on the sand with her knees pulled to her chest. Courtney felt Duncan sit next to her without a greeting. She still spoke lowly to fill the silence between them. "What gives him the right to think he can do and say whatever he pleases like that?!"

"You're right. Let me let him have it, Princess."

"No, it's not worth it. He's not, at the very least. And you need to stop getting into trouble all the time."

At the time, Duncan's need for revenge couldn't be subdued. He'd let it go for now, but his mind wouldn't rest until he felt justice was served on that rich, entitled fuck. "It's not like anyone cares if I do. Everyone just wants to police me-"

"I do." She immediately retreated to the ocean's view after she blurted those two words out pretty angrily.

A silent moment passed between the two of them. His brain felt like mush hearing that and seeing the bright reflection of the moon on her skin. All of his previous thoughts were clouded leaving one subject clear. He quietly said the first thing that came to his mind. "You look beautiful."

Courtney had gotten used to Duncan calling her nicknames. They were mostly delivered backhanded in response to her insults. This time it was unprovoked. It blurred the lines between real and fake. She decided not to respond and change the subject instead. She crossed her arms in defense of the drop in temperature. "I want nothing more than to leave this stupid place."

"Here." He said as he peeled the t-shirt off his back. Courtney truly didn't mean to stare as the fabric became less and less attached to his torso. He handed it to her after noticing she shivered when the wind picked up speed. She looked away quicker than she wanted him to notice.

"As if I need another reason for people to look at me weirdly."

He knew she just reacted the way they're expected to treat each other, but it still upset him for reasons he couldn't decipher fast enough. She immediately noticed his face fall, instantly regretting her delivery. "I didn't really mean that. Thank you." She smoothed out the wrinkles after letting the shirt fall over her body.

He couldn't stay mad at her for long, especially when her regret was so apparent on her face. Duncan considered the embarrassment she faced, and figured she was trying to regain some normalcy in their relationship. "Don't worry about it. Let me take you home."

Courtney didn't object, following him through the sandy plains to his car. After finding a tank top in the trunk, he slipped it over his upper half. Duncan opened the door on the passenger side for Courtney to enter. Moments that didn't include bickering scared Courtney. it was an occurrence that gave her mind the opportunity to wonder what a prolonged version of this happenstance would result in. Her feelings floating to the surface of her deeply buried psyche.

***

He didn't mean to drive in radio silence, but Duncan was more nervous than he'd like to admit. He almost ran a red light when he noticed the newly-acquired tan the sun gave her soft, warm skin as she crossed her legs in the passenger seat. He slammed on the brakes just in time, still startling her. "Duncan! I didn't accept your offer with the expectation of dying in your car!" It wasn't the greatest question, but he was relieved she opened a window of conversation to flow between them.

"What was your expectation, then, Princess?"

"Delinquent-proof driving!"

"You know it wouldn't kill you to be...nice?"

"And ruin the amazing dynamic of our relationship? I wouldn't dare!"

"I don't want anything to be 'ruined' either. Nothing will stop me from annoying you, no matter what happens between us."

Courtney relinquished in relief. She then remembered the very moment her fear took over. Acknowledging it meant accepting the affect his words had on her. Accepting those indulgent stares and rare, shared smiles. Despite her fears, she asked. "If you don't want anything to change, why did you call me beautiful the way you did?"

Surprised by the indicative effect of his words, Duncan responded as if the answer were so obvious, still attentive to the road ahead of him. "Because you are...? Nothing's gonna change because of that. I've always thought you were. I'll stop if you want me to."

Courtney felt her heart triple in size when she boldly responded, letting herself say whatever her heart told her to. "Don't... stop?" She stammered, even changed the pace of her words as she fought off her nervousness. "I... don't want you to stop."

"Okay, beautiful." Courtney's chest radiated with warm waves as she looked out the window. She looked in the opposite direction and noticed one of his hands resting in the space between their seats. Her mind and heart wrestled back and forth between doing what truly called to her. To shut them up, she turned her attention to the road ahead. And, like some gravitational pull, her hand made it's way toward his free one. A swipe of the back of each other's hands was enough to: burn beneath the surface of their skin; Duncan immediately caught on to her intentions. He tried to stay focused on the road as they fumbled, palm to palm, and slowly interlocked their fingers with the other's one-by-one. The silence after realizing how perfectly they fit was easy, comfortable, yet deafening.

At a red light, Duncan used the hand on the steering wheel to turn the radio to any random station he saved. Neither of them knew the song, but wouldn't forget any lyric of it after this.

You can't stop us on the road to freedom

You can't stop us 'cause our eyes can see

Men with insight, men in granite

Knights in armor intent on chivalry

She's as sweet as Tupelo honey

She's an angel of the first degree

***

When he pulled up to her street and their hands pulled apart, Courtney felt hollow. Duncan's mind conjured ways to make the moment last longer. "I'll walk you to your door." Courtney didn't object once more, smiling at his reciprocated persistence.

"Okay." The path, while short and forward in leading them to the door, gave them time before the eventual goodbye they dreaded. Courtney fumbled with her keys hoping to buy more time. Fleeting, fickle, borrowed time for a moment they used to curse themselves for dreaming of. He initiated.

"So... see you on Monday?"

"Of course. Um...thanks. For everything."

"It's no problem, Courtney. Goodnight." He leaned in and Courtney's breathing wavered. Duncan gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Courtney's hand rose to her face in an attempt to calm the burning sensation he left. This would suffice for what he really wanted to do. If he was right about the impact he assumed he had, he was doing the right thing for now.

Courtney hated to see him walk further from her and toward the car. In some entranced state, her hand grabbed his wrist, pulling him in closer.

Maybe she leaned in the wrong way; she over-estimated the distance between them as their noses collided with each other's causing them to both groan in pain. Her ache quickly shifted to embarrassment as she hastily spilled out her rambled apologies. "I'm so-so sorry! Oh my God. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

Her rambling ceased when Duncan pulled her in once again, his lips crashing onto hers with a yearning force. Her lips quickly overlapped his as his fingers tangled themselves in her hair, her arms linking around his neck. They parted for air but remained still with their hands attached to the other.

He'd never done something so worth it, unaware of the events to come.

[crazedtmnt]

CrazedTMNT OCs (Part 1)

Well. I’ve talked a bit about these girls and I figured I might as well show them off. Feel free to ignore this completely, but I wanted to finally give these characters some time to shine. These are based on my 2003 versions of these characters, by the way (each version changes the girls a little).

Note: I can’t draw very well, so I used a couple picrews for their avatars. Let’s start with...

Leo’s Girl:

Name: Karyn Edwin (alias, real name unknown)

Age, when first met: 15

Birthday: December 30th, 1987

Height: 4′11″-5′5″ (she grows a lot over the course of the story)

Sexuality: Asexual (Heteroromantic)

Ethnicity/Nationality: Caucasian-American

Personality: Shy, soft-spoken, but full of energy if you talk about her interests. Highly emotional and empathetic (she’ll tear up just watching trailers for animal movies), but slow to anger. Cries a lot alone and has a shockingly low opinion of herself. Loyal to a fault; she WILL get herself hurt if it protects her friends. Surprisingly observant of her surroundings, but absolutely no people skills. Gets lonely easily and is quick to become attached to others. Has a big heart and will shower her friends with affection -- or anyone, really. Gives too much of herself. A hopeless romantic. Also, a huge dork.

Bio: 

Karyn is a girl who would love nothing more than to read books all day or catch the latest superhero movie. She does well in school and keeps to herself due to a low self-esteem and poor social skills (i.e. undiagnosed autism). She’s really just a normal teenage girl... who happened to be abducted by the Foot and experimented on for months. While their goal was unknown, the Foot managed to jumble Karyn’s memories so bad that she forgot her own name and family (she’s pretty sure Karyn is somewhere close to what she used to be called). 

She got lucky and was saved by the turtles before the Foot could kill her, but, with nowhere to go, she was forced to relocate to the sewers. Her story starts with a determination to figure out why she was taken by the Foot and a hope that she can one day repay the ninja family for saving her life. She’d also like the leader in blue to stop being so cute before her romantic heart runs off without her...

Relationships: 

Leo - Karyn finds the leader a little too charming for her own good. Leo’s a gentleman through and through; a hostage of the Foot deserves to be treated with kindness. His gentle and protective nature warms Karyn’s heart until she can’t be in the same room without blushing. The two tend to fawn over each other, giving gifts and compliments freely. He’s the only one who knows the full extent of Karyn’s self-hatred and has been working with her to overcome it. Two romantic dorks who consider each other soulmates (cue the other turtles cringing).

Raph - At first, Raph was nervous about being around Karyn. She follows the rules to the letter, cries easily, and looks fragile even for a teenage girl. However, her empathetic nature won him over after she saw past his temper and started doting on him (she loves bringing him food). Raph was the first to see her as a little sister and, while he still gets annoyed at her for almost always taking Leo’s side (they are dating), heaven help the man who makes Karyn cry when big teddy bear Raph is around.

Donnie - Nerds. Total, absolute nerds. Karyn loves science and coming up with theories and watching stuff blow up. She’s hopeless with tech (she can work a computer alright, but any issues and she’s lost), but you want her to study this strange, glowing object? She’s game. Most of their relationship revolves around Donnie’s experiments, but the two also share books and have philosophical discussions for fun. They just really enjoy blowing things up together.

Mikey - Believe it or not, besides Leo, Mikey is the brother Karyn is closest to. Both are the youngest of their families. Both love superheroes. Both love videogames. Both get WAY too invested in their own imaginations. Mikey considers Karyn to be his best friend. She indulges his fantasies that his brothers find too childish or weird, and he is always coming up with new ideas for Karyn’s stories. They inspire each other and keep alive their childhood whimsy.

Splinter - The father Karyn has lost. The only reason Karyn didn’t fall into total despair after losing her family was because of Splinter’s guidance and kindness. Splinter himself tries to keep the relationship purely as master and student due to her having a real father out there somewhere, but eventually he cannot help himself from calling her daughter. He feels Karyn is too obedient to his will and greatly encourages independence in her. The only one to figure out that both Leo and Karyn were crushing.

Random Facts:

The green headband she wears is a gift from Leo. She wears it often.

Her name is pronounced "Kah-rin" (not like Karen 😛).

Speaking of names, her alias last name, Edwin, was given to her by Splinter, meaning “friend.”

She’s sexually ambivalent. She’s not repulsed by sex nor really interested; she just doesn’t care about it.

She is the youngest of three sisters. 

She can’t remember her family’s names or location. She only remembers their faces. She’s not even sure if they are still alive.

In the TMNT 2003 universe, she would have met the turtles after S1 E7, but before S1 E8.

She can play the viola and sing well. Later, she is taught guitar (a little against her will, lol).

Due to the Foot being after her, Splinter trains her in ninjitsu and finds she has an aptitude for it, strangely. She wields a naginata in battle.

She has asthma.

She speaks with a slight southern accent and says “y’all” a lot. Mikey and Raph tease her about this.

She loves babies and cats, and will want to cuddle them if she sees them.

She has a major sweet tooth. Lock up your chocolate.

She hates jewelry. The sensation of jewelry on her drives her crazy.

[palominocorn]

Sims 2 Law Enforcement Career Default Replacement - Fuck the Police Edition (Maxis Match. Ish.)

With thanks to @moocha-muses for testing, chance card ideas, and providing the kick in the ass necessary to make me complete it.

And while I have your attention, remember to support Black Lives Matter and donate to your local bail/legal/mutual aid fund.

UPDATE 15-Jun-2020: the LTW memory icon wasn’t updated, because EA made this whole thing out of bloated, rotten spaghetti code that doesn’t make any sense. I’ve updated the main file to fix this, but if you’ve already downloaded, just put this little file into your downloads and that should cover it.

Under a cut because holy shit I’m a verbose little fucker.

This is a default replacement for the Base Game Law Enforcement careers, both teen/elder and adult, renamed and remade into Emergency Services. Only the Captain Hero level remains; everything else has been changed to firefighters, social workers, and the like. Yes, I’m aware that firefighters don’t usually become social workers in real life, but concert pianists don’t usually become rock gods and that’s default Maxis behavior so nyah.

I did my best to keep it Maxis Match-y, meaning that the salaries and promotion requirements are roughly equivalent to those of other careers, and the style tends toward goofy. There are brand new descriptions for 12 levels (3 teen + all adult except Captain Hero), with chance cards that hopefully capture the same feeling as the vanilla ones. The icons for the career and the associated LTW have been changed to a firefighter’s bugle. Uniforms and carpools have been changed (no new ones, just using existing game materials) to make sense. (The social work level doesn’t use the existing social worker uniform due to the lack of a male version, and I couldn’t figure out how to make the firetruck show up as a carpool, but they’re still close enough.)

This DR should not conflict with existing mods other than other replacements for the career. (If you have replacements for cars or outfits used in this mod, it’ll automatically pick them up.) I think it should work with Midge’s Playable Cops, but it’ll look kind of weird. But I guess if you’re getting a “fuck the cops” mod, you don’t want playable cops anyway. (No, I will not be making a playable social workers/firefighters mod.)

MAKE SURE ANY EXISTING SIMS IN THE LAW ENFORCEMENT CAREER ARE HOME BEFORE YOU PUT THIS IN. Since I changed the hours of some of the levels, your sims could be stuck at work for a very long time unless you reset them. You don’t want that.

LTW behavior has been left alone, so it’ll pick up whatever your game already uses (family or popularity in the vanilla game). The fingerprint scanner is still the reward, and it still attaches to the bio and psych majors. I will likely mod this at some point as part of a career/major overhaul. (ETA: 20 years.)

The forecast predicts a 100% chance of typos, so let me know if you catch those (or, worse, errors), and I’ll fix them. I will not, however, be making new versions with different levels, although if you want to use mine as a base, you can, and I’ll be happy to explain the process. Additionally, I’ve only done string replacements for US and UK English (and the UK is just US pasted over - sorry, Brits), but if you’d like to translate to your language, let me know and we can figure it out.

Drop both files into your Downloads folder, as usual, and that should change every Law Enforcement-related thing to Emergency Services, except one: the LTW UI text. To change that, you’ll have to mod your game files. Here’s how:

1) Go to your Program Files> EA Games> [latest EP]> TSData> Res> Text folder. 2) Make a backup of the Wants file. Put it somewhere safe. MAKE THE BACKUP. Make multiple backups, even! BACK IT UP. 3) [If you already know your computer allows you to mod within the game files, skip this. Mine doesn't, so I have to do this.] Make a working copy of the Wants file. This should be different from your backup. Seriously. Always have a backup. 4) Open your working copy in SimPE. 5) Sort by name or by instance and find Become Super hero [instance 0x00000B63 (2915)]. 6) Click it. 7) From the drop-down menu, select your language. 8) Go to 0x0003 (3). 9) In the "String" box, change both instances of Law Enforcement to Emergency Services. 10) Click "Commit File". The name in the Resource List should now be italicized. 11) Save. The italics should go away. 12) If you made a working copy, exit and paste that into the folder. You'll need admin privileges for this; if Windows asks for them, allow it. 13) Open the file in the Text folder and confirm that the changes stuck - depending on the finickiness of your system, it may take some fiddling. 14) Once confirmed, load your game to ensure it worked. If you broke the file, the game should crash during loading. Put in your backup and try again. 15) If you didn't make a backup, here's one that should be M&G/UC compatible. (If you have a different configuration, let me know and I'll see if I can't track it down for you.)

In addition, I have a complete-but-untested edit to change level 10 of Intelligence to International Super Spy, and a half-complete edit of Slacker to fix the classism and general yuck. Let me know if you’re interested in those, or if you have ideas for other careers that needed to be decrapified (Military and Criminal in particular). Or heck, if you’re interested in the total career/major overhaul I’m working on to fix a million weird problems, let me know, and maybe I’ll get it done before the heat death of the universe!

And, without further ado,

DOWNLOAD LAW ENFORCEMENT TO EMERGENCY SERVICES DEFAULT REPLACEMENT

[slippinmickeys]

Five Seconds (5/8)

If you’d like to read on AO3, you may do so here.

October 15, 2018

The leaves were beginning to change outside the window; the maples turning russet, the birch yellow. Scully felt pendulous and gravid, the child in her belly more active than her previous two combined. Sleep was becoming difficult, but by day they’d fallen into a comfortable routine, safe and unmolested from the dangers that were beginning to feel as though they had never existed at all.

She stretched and left Mulder, half his face obscured by his pillow, his lips soft and pliant in sleep. A fresh pot of decaf awaited her in the kitchen, its automatic timer set by Mulder late last night.

The kids were still asleep, as far as she could tell -- she'd heard Lily come home well after midnight. She'd been up reading anyway when her daughter had popped her head into their bedroom door and whispered "I'm home." The girl had been wearing a small smile and Scully recognized the look. Lily was falling in love.

Will shuffled into the kitchen sleepily, a palm rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He approached Scully where she stood at the counter and put an arm around her shoulder, leaning on her. He still smelled like the sleepy little boy who liked to cuddle into her side to watch nature shows when he was six.

"Morning Mom," he said, taking a snuffly breath. He leaned down and rested his cheek against her head (he was almost as tall as Mulder, though still as skinny as a maypole). Scully wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him in closer. Affection from her kids was getting fewer and farther between now that they were active teenagers. She was determined to enjoy whatever she got.

"Morning," she said, giving his back a little rub, "you're up early."

"Yeah," he said on a yawn. "There's an open rink this morning and a couple of buddies are going. Is it okay if I join them?"

Scully nodded. "Just make sure you tell your dad, too. Know the exits before you go and keep an eye on the crowd."

Will squeezed her once and then let go, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl on the counter and holding up like James Bond. "Call me Double O Billy," he said and sidled back to his room off of Scully's bemused chuckle.

She spent an hour catching up on email that had been routed through the Gunmen and Darlene -- coded messages that they interpreted and sent to her mother, sister and brothers. Melissa was giving her a hard time about not letting her fly to Europe (where she thought they were) to be her doula when the time came to give birth. She was tempted to send Byers to her sister's house to explain exactly what was happening, but rejected the impulse. Their mother -- the only person other than the Gunmen and the X-Files triumvirate at the FBI who knew their situation (though not their location for her own protection) -- would talk her down eventually.

Mulder came padding up behind her as she closed the laptop and she felt a soft, drawn-out kiss on the side of her neck.

"Morning," he mumbled into her skin.

She reached up and threaded her fingers through his hair, then turned to receive his kiss.

"Morning," she said.

"I’ll be back shortly. I'm going to drop Billy off at the ice complex and then take Lil to campus -- she suddenly started liking football."

"I think it's the company rather than the sport," Scully said, turning in her chair to face him.

"...I'm going to choose to believe my version," he said.

Scully reached out and linked their fingers briefly. "Tell her to be careful," she said, "she's spending a lot of time out of the house."

Mulder nodded and squeezed her fingers. "I will," he said, "and when I get back, I have a few ideas for how we can spend our child-free afternoon." He waggled his eyebrows at her and let go, backing out of the room like the charmer he was.

XxXxXxXxXxX

“So why UVA?” Travis asked her. He had his head propped up on an elbow and his other hand was wrapped loosely around her foot, his thumb rubbing circles into her arch. She was on the couch in his dorm room and he was on the floor -- she’d been helping him study for mid-terms. They had been officially dating for five weeks and had seen each other at least every other day in that time. He’d introduced her to a couple of friends as his girlfriend.

“What?” she asked. It was hard enough to concentrate while getting a foot massage, and she’d been staring at the index cards in front of her, trying to find a question that would stump him.

“Why are you going to UVA? Brain like yours, you could have gone anywhere. I don’t think I’ve ever asked you why there.”

“Other than the in-state tuition?” She had told him that they’d moved from Virginia, but hadn’t elaborated.

“Other than that,” he smiled.

“I’ve always wanted to. When I was a kid, my dad would occasionally get called in to consult there and he would take me with him. I kinda fell in love with it.”

“What did your dad consult on?” he asked, “You don’t talk about your parents much.”

Travis tapped her other leg, and she switched feet, silencing a groan when his knuckle hit a particularly sensitive spot.

She had purposely avoided mentioning her family much and debated how much was safe to share.

“UVA has a Department of Perceptual Studies,” she said, and she saw him tilt his head in question.

“A department of what?”

“Perceptual studies,” she said, smiling, “it’s a research group devoted to the investigation of phenomena that challenge mainstream scientific paradigms regarding the nature of the mind/brain relationship.” Travis stopped rubbing her foot and looked at her. She went on, further quoting her dad’s friend Dr. Stevenson: “Their mission is the scientific empirical investigation of phenomena that suggest that currently accepted scientific assumptions and theories about the nature of mind or consciousness, and its relation to matter, may be incomplete.”

“You’re shitting me,” he said.

“I shit you not.”

“What kind of phenomena?” He narrowed his eyes at her.

She tried not to smile, “ESP, poltergeists, near-death experiences, out-of-body experiences, claimed memories of past lives.”

“And what did they want with your father?” he asked, sitting up.

She shrugged. “He’s a shrink,” she said, being deliberately vague.

“This is an accredited university?” He teased her. She kicked at him, and he ducked out of the way and laughed, then looked at her thoughtfully. “You know, I myself had an out-of-body experience with Trudy Carmichael under the bleachers when I was sixteen. Pretty sure I saw through time.”

Lily chuckled, then playfully challenged: “Do I need to worry about this Trudy Carmichael?”

“I doubt it,” he said, hanging his head, “I lost my virginity, and she lost my number. Not my finest hour.”

“A whole hour?,” Lily said wryly.

“One way to find out.”

He looked at her then and she looked back. The moment was charged and sat in between them. The truth was, Lily was still a virgin. She and Travis had messed around, but fairly innocently, and she’d demurred on action below the waist/under the clothes. “I’m not waiting for marriage,” she’d told him a few weeks back, but she did want to wait for love. If only she knew what that felt like.

“Hey, Frisbee,” Travis said when she didn’t say anything, “please don’t take this as a negotiation tactic -- you’ve been clear on your limits and I totally respect that -- and with the full understanding that you don’t need a reason, and you do you and all that -- but… do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what exactly?” she asked, clarifying.

“When I say ‘no pressure,’ I mean it,” he said, reaching out to squeeze her foot.

Lily looked around his sloppy dorm room. There were clothes strewn about, though mostly out of the way— socks balled up near the laundry hamper, a sweatshirt hanging on the back of a chair. The wooden loft that held his bed was posted around the couch, made of flimsy-looking two-by-fours, and did not look like it could hold his weight, much less hers in addition, and remained untried (though Travis swore it had passed inspection). His desk was more fastidiously kept, a reflection of his mind, a structured order in the midst of chaos. He was kind and smart. His smile could make her insides go liquid.

“Honestly?” she finally said, “it’s my parents.”

“Super religious?” he asked.

She had to stop herself from laughing. “No, it’s… My parents love each other. More than anyone I’ve ever known. Their love is like… romance film love. It’s practically written in the stars.”

He looked at her contemplatively. “That’s a lot to live up to,” he said. “Is that what it is?”

“Yes,” she said, then, “no.” It was and it wasn’t. She didn’t know if there was a love out there that could compare, she suspected there wasn’t. Her real hang-up, and she hadn’t been able to get it out of her head since she found her father’s first wedding picture in their attic -- was that her father had obviously made a mistake. What if she did too?

She laughed, annoyed at herself. This wasn’t Regency England. Sex didn’t mean marriage. It didn’t even necessarily mean love. Still...

“Come on,” she said, sitting up and grabbing for his class notes, “this bio exam isn’t going to take itself.”

XxXxXxXxXxX

A sound woke her. Her hips were in agony and sleeping was difficult, so initially she was more annoyed than anything; she could rarely line up more than 90 minutes straight of deep slumber. And then she heard it again.

She reached over, squeezed Mulder's bicep until she heard him sniff sharply awake and silently, pulled out the sidearm she kept inside her bedside table. Mulder, slipping out of bed without a word, pulled out his own gun and went to the door. He held up a hand, trying to tell Scully to stay back, but she shook her head angrily -- she would have his back whether he liked it or not.

When he moved into the hallway, she stepped on the back of his heel and he ended up ramming his shoulder into the doorframe. He swore low under his breath. They were out of sync.

She watched as he put his head into the kids rooms as he made his way down the hallway, nodding at her that they were both accounted for. One more thunk from the living room.

He sidled up to the wall that led to the room and backed up against it. He mouthed one-two-three and they went in, but where she usually went low and he went high, this time they rammed shoulders and stumbled into the room. Mulder flicked on the light when she finally had her weapon aimed true.

There, sitting on a high bookshelf sat Apgar, her black tail swishing merrily. Maintaining eye contact, she swiped one more of the professor's knick-knacks off the shelf and onto the floor.

Mulder dropped his weapon and heaved a sigh, tipping his head back in frustration. "Fucking cat," he hissed.

Mission completed, Apgar jumped down with a thump and weaved a figure eight between Mulder's legs.

"She must be hungry," Scully said.

"Hangry was invented by cats," Mulder mumbled, reaching down to pet the cat with his free hand.

"Our tactical coordination was atrocious," Scully said, flicking the light back off and holding her gun at her hip.

"Yes," Mulder agreed.

"When was the last time you went to the range?" she asked.

"It's been months," he said tiredly.

"We're going tomorrow," Scully said. Mulder knew better than to argue.

XxX

There were more than a few Molon Labe bumper stickers in the parking lot. Scully had to remind herself that they were in Michigan Militia territory. "Michitucky," she'd heard it called by a few guys at the Bureau. Nevertheless, she pulled up to the firing range with fire in her blood. She might not share their politics, but she would share their space, and show most of them up to boot.

They signed in and bought ammunition. She got a few extra looks for being a visibly pregnant woman, but most of the men (and they were all men) who were at the range gave her begrudging looks of approval. Mulder stood, standing straighter and closer than normal, practically growling at anyone who got too close. She had to admit that his fierce protective nature was more than a turn-on.

The range was outdoors -- different than what they were used to at Quantico. And where there were metal tables and dividers and state of the art equipment at the government facility, here it was all beat-to-shit plywood tables and sunburnt grass littered with shell casings and old ear plugs. They took the lane at the end.

They both loaded and checked their weapons, snugged earmuffs over their heads.

"You want to go first?" Mulder asked, double checking the safety on his pistol and setting it on the table behind their station.

"I can do that," Scully said, looking down at her Sig.

"Care for a little wager?" her husband asked.

"You can't afford me, Dr. Mulder," she said, admiring the still-lanky line of his physique.

He raised his eyebrows, and leaned back against the tall wobbly table. "Oh-ho," he said, "I suppose that depends on the currency." He had a smug look about him that she wanted to wipe off his face. She was a better marksman and more competitive than anyone gave her credit for.

"What are you offering?" she asked.

"Dishes?" he offered, "Laundry?"

"We had children for the menial labor," she challenged, "I can win this with one hand tied behind my back. Make it interesting for me."

He licked his lips. She had him.

"I liked the part about 'hands behind the back,'" he said, "Winner decides who wears the handcuffs."

"You're not exactly incentivizing this, Mulder."

He had a flushed look about him; his nostrils flared.

"Prove it," he said, and she felt a flush. Second trimester hormones could be a beautiful thing, she mused.

It took her several rounds before she got back into the groove. It actually had been too long since she'd practiced and she was rusty. Considering their current situation, she ought not to let it happen again. Her last few rounds were dead center. Once her clip was empty, she cleared her weapon and stepped back.

Mulder's turn.

He wasn't quite as out of practice as she was initially, which irritated her to no end. However, his fourth and fifth shots were a bit wide, and he ended around the edges.

When he was clear, she stepped back up and took a bracing breath. She raised her weapon and fired rapidly; all her shots were center mass except the last two, which she swung up and finished with perfect shots to the head of the paper dummy.

When Mulder stepped forward for his turn, she nudged him.

"How big would you say the back of the Yukon is?'" she asked casually.

His first three shots went wide.

XxXxXxXxXxX

October 17, 2018

“Mom?” Lily asked. There was a hesitancy in her voice that made Scully look up from where she was chopping vegetables for dinner. “How did you know you loved Dad?”

Scully set the knife down and turned toward her daughter. “That’s a big question, Lil.”

“What’s a big question?” Mulder came breezing into the kitchen, shooting Scully an intrigued look.

Scully suspected something was up, but didn’t want to embarrass their daughter. Lily had always had an inquisitive streak and would occasionally come to Scully with problems or questions, but she was apt to clam up when pressed.

“Lily was asking me about how I fell in love with you,” Scully said, trying to catch Mulder’s eye.

“It was the day she met me, no doubt,” Mulder said. He grabbed an apple out of the bowl on the counter and shined it on his sleeve before taking a snappy bite. “I’m catnip to the ladies,” he said around the mouthful. Lily smiled. Scully rolled her eyes.  

“Suddenly, I’m struggling to remember,” Scully said with mock derision. Mulder gave her a cheeky grin.

“Did you know right away?” Lily asked.

Scully paused. “Not… Not right away,” she said thoughtfully.

Lily looked back and forth between her parents. “I guess it was a long time ago, huh.”

“Love in a time of sarsaparilla,” Mulder said dreamily. Scully shook her head and he caught her eye. “It wasn’t that long ago, Lil,“ he went on, and Scully felt the low bloom of feeling that always accompanied a look from her husband. For as long as she lived, she would always remember the first time she felt it; on the Tooms case, when he’d hooked his finger in her necklace and pulled.

“No, what I mean is… it was complicated,” Scully clarified.

Lily nodded and turned to her father. “You were married. Before Mom.”

“Yes,” Mulder said.

“Did you love her? Your ex wife?”

“I thought I did.”

“When did you figure out that you didn’t?” Lily asked.

“When I met your Mom,” Mulder said.

“So what you felt with Mom…”

“... was so much bigger than I was, that I couldn’t contain it.”

Scully felt her eyes well up. Mulder still sometimes had the ability to make her feel things all the way down to her toes.

Lily smiled, but looked pensive.

"But you thought you loved this other woman? I mean, enough to marry her?" she asked.

Mulder narrowed his eyes at his daughter. "What are you asking, Lil?"

Lily shook her head, her cheeks pink. She grabbed a soda from the fridge and walked out of the room.

“Oh boy,” said Scully.

“What?” Mulder asked.

“Travis,” said Scully. “She’s trying to figure it all out.”

“Jesus, he didn’t propose, did he?” Mulder asked. The look on his face was enough to make her laugh, but she held it in.

Scully turned fully to Mulder and leaned back against the countertop, crossing her arms in front of her.

“You want to know what I think?” she asked. Mulder nodded. “She’s trying to decide whether or when to...” She made a vague gesture with her hands.

Mulder looked at her, still not understanding. Scully gave him the stare of the dotard husband.

“Mulder…” she said, glaring hard.

Realization dawned and Mulder swallowed. “I should have had that boy killed,” he said.

Scully turned back to the vegetables she’d been chopping. “Let’s refrain from wetwork while we’re on the lam.”

“I make no promises,” he said, and slid up behind her, stepping in close and putting his hands on her waist.  

“I had the guys check him out by way of Darlene,” Scully said. “He is who he says he is. And he seems like a decent kid. Let’s let her navigate this on her own, huh?” She felt his fingers squeeze and then they drifted down to rest on her hips.

“I don’t like it,” he mumbled, and leaned down to rest his chin on her shoulder.

“You’re not supposed to,” she said. “But you do have to accept it, and trust that we raised her to make these decisions for herself.”  She remembered being nineteen and in college and in love for the first time. “You want to hear about Kevin McAvoy, my freshman year boyfriend?”

Mulder squeezed his fingers again and then started to turn her slowly toward him. She set down the knife on the counter and let him. His head was bent toward her and she felt his breath fan her face.

“No,” he said, leaning even more into her personal space.

“I was his Little Red Corvette,” she said playfully, tipping her head back in challenge. He smiled, but she saw something rough pass through his eyes. “He’d put on Prince and --”

Mulder leaned down and silenced her with a kiss.

XxXxXxXxXxX

In her room, Lily sat on the bed, the can of soda from the fridge sitting unopened on her bedside table. Condensation beaded on the side of it, sliding down silently to pool at the base, unnoticed.

Crusher liked to sleep on her pillow, and had left a black felted indent in the feathers, which Lily brushed away and fluffed. She looked about the room. Not much about it spoke of the young woman who slept there and had for months; no posters on the walls, no pennants hanging or pictures of friends. It was a sterile guest room decorated with the mute tones of an unmarried 60-something and lately it had been making her feel like she wasn't even herself.

She stood and walked to the desk, the one place she deposited her things. Her wallet, the phone Darlene had given her that she rarely used and usually kept switched off. Her purse was half hanging off -- likely knocked into such a position by a passing cat -- and when she righted it, she noticed the picture that sat under it. The photo of her father and an unfamiliar brunette, who's face conveyed confidence -- almost a smugness -- and a certain charm.

She stared at the picture. And she wondered.

XxX

October 20, 2018

Lily glanced over her shoulder when she sat, feeling as though she were doing something illegal, something fraught.

No one really used the computer labs anymore -- if you needed to, you could write an entire paper on your phone, though Lily found the practice ridiculous and immature. Nevertheless, there were one or two students sitting at the various desktops around the small library lab, and she checked to make sure no one was paying attention to what she was doing.

She tried to be careful. She had told Travis that she was hoping to log into the university's network to prep for some of the classes she’d be taking at UVA next semester and so she was using his password and login information. She'd checked to make sure there were no cameras on the area where she sat, and that her back was to the one aimed at the larger area.

With a bracing breath, she logged on.

It was surprising what you could find with a simple Google search, and the commonwealth of Virginia's vital records office would send you a copy of any marriage certificate for a fee of $45. Knowing better than to use a credit card, she'd opted for a more in depth search, and found what she was looking for in the Daily Press -- the local newspaper of record in Newport News, Virginia.

It was a wedding announcement, complete with two pictures -- one, the same picture she'd found in her parent's attic and the other of a similar style -- of Fox William Mulder and Lauren Edith Williams, married on August 17th, 1988. According to the article, Lauren had been a recent graduate of Georgetown University and had been employed at Schuster and McClure, a PR firm in the District of Columbia.

Lily looked at the new photograph on the screen before her. Her father looked so young. Only a few years older than herself. Lauren was pretty, had perfect posture, and was staring into the camera like a dare; her dress was all frills and white froth, the material of the dress ruched in large poofs at the shoulders, a crown of satin flowers around the lush brunette curls on her head. She looked like someone Lily wouldn't have dared talk to back in high school. She looked nothing like Lily's mother.

Lauren Edith Williams, she wrote down, and stared at the paper in front of her.

XxXxXxXxXxX

October 21, 2018

Lily was on the bus when she noticed him. It was his age that first drew her attention. Most everyone that rode this route (it went right into campus) was either a student or a professor, and something about him seemed the antithesis of scholarly. He had a sharp face, was dressed in loose clothing, a plain, black ball cap pulled low over his head. His knee bounced where he sat. She thought she could make out a tattoo curling onto the skin under the sleeve of his jacket. He could have been custodial staff for all she knew, but her parents had raised her to trust her instincts, and something inside of her pinged.

He hadn’t so much as looked in her direction, but she reached up and pulled the cord that requested a stop anyway, keeping him in her periphery when the bus rolled to the next stop. She was five blocks further away than she would have liked -- she was supposed to meet Travis just off campus for lunch. The man didn't move or rise from his seat. Nevertheless, she ducked out of the back door and onto the sidewalk, shouldering her purse and pretending to look at her phone. Only when the bus left with the man still on it would she exhale. The bus had just started to roll forward when it chirped to a stop and the front doors opened. The man in the cap trotted down the steps and onto the sidewalk, glancing briefly at her before turning and walking slowly west. Adrenaline awash in her bloodstream, she turned east.

The man had had a nondescript face. He was of average height and build, not someone you'd notice. She wracked her brain trying to remember when or if she'd seen him before, and had a hazy recollection of someone who might have been him: waiting outside of Travis's dorm when she'd come to visit him a couple days prior, or maybe even standing behind her in line at a coffee shop the day before. She should have been paying closer attention. Her parents had taught her to pay closer attention. Up until she'd done a search on her father and his ex-wife, she had. Lily silently cursed at herself.

She looked at her reflection in the shop windows along Grand River Avenue, trying to catch a glimpse behind her. She caught movement, but there were plenty of other people walking up and down the sidewalk. She needed a better look.

She swung up the stairs of the Student Union when she came to it a moment later, remembering walking in with her brother and dad only the month before, and felt the sharp pang of guilt.

When she reached the top of the staircase, she stopped to retie her shoe, glancing back behind her as she did so. The man in the cap was there, and had paused a ways away, looking down at his phone. Lily finished fiddling with her shoe and casually walked to the door, holding it open for a girl who was coming out, her heart hammering in her chest as she did so. Through the large doorway was a wide set of stairs going both up and down. When the door closed behind her, she bolted down the stairs to her right. There were a number of study spaces and she could pass through each one fairly quickly -- the day was busy and there were students everywhere; if she was lucky she could get lost in the crowd.

She ducked through the main lounge and past the small coffee shop on the lower level, looking behind her. She saw nothing, but that didn't mean he still wasn't coming. Seeing the full racks of clothing in the Spirit Shop across the hallway, she went inside, bending down to pretend to look at a few items on the bottom shelf.

Peering through underneath the hanging shirts, she watched as the man in the black cap came down the hallway outside of the shop and paused, turning toward it. Her heart leapt to her throat. He did a slow turn and then turned to keep walking. She kept her head down.

From the corner of her eye she caught her own reflection in the mirror outside the tiny dressing room -- she was wearing a bright blue shirt and her hair -- as bright and reflective as a stop sign, and always a part of herself she was fond of -- would give her away.

She stood, scanning the hallway outside the shop, and then she hastily pulled a green knit cap off a nearby shelf and pulled the tag off, shoving it over her head and tucking her hair up under it as quickly as she could. She grabbed a large tee shirt off the rack nearest her and took it plus the hat's tag to the counter, pulling some cash that her parents always had her carry out and plunking it on the counter.

"I don't need a receipt, thanks," she told the young woman helping her, and turned away.

"But what about your change?" the girl called after her.

"Tip jar," she said, turning back and keeping her voice low.

Once outside the store, she pulled the tee shirt over her head and made her way for the lower level exit that emptied onto campus. Seeing no one behind her, she took the steps out as fast as they would carry her and ran.

XxX

Darlene narrowed her eyes at Lily, and opened the door. “Quickly,” she said.

“Thanks,” Lily said, as Darlene let her into the house, peering around the block. “I didn’t want to use the phone.”

“I get it,” Darlene replied as she ushered Lily into her kitchen, where Lily sank onto one of the stools that sat before the peninsula of the counter.

"You want a lemonade or something, kiddo?" Darlene asked, leaning forward against the counter herself and giving Lily an expectant look -- there was more to it than just polite hospitality.

"No, thanks," Lily said, feeling the weight of Darlene's gaze and her own guilt in equal measure.

"Did you do something stupid?" Darlene asked outright and Lily, taken aback, sat up straighter, but didn't answer, thus confirming Darlene's clear suspicion. "How bad?"

"I think they found us."

Darlene huffed a breath. "Elaborate," she said.

"I... I ran a search. A couple days ago, in the university library. I was careful, but maybe not careful enough."

"What did you search?"

"My dad's ex-wife."

Darlene gave a low whistle. "Kiddo," she said, a statement.

"I know."

"Have you considered just asking him about her?"

Lily hugged herself.

"I have. I did. But… I wanted to know. For me. I don't want his version of this woman. I wanted to see for myself who she was. Is."

Darlene moved to the window and peered out, lowering the blinds as she did so. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

Lily once again felt a pang of guilt. She looked down. "Not really."

Darlene moved around the counter to a sideboard table on the dining room side of the counter and began shuffling through a drawer.

"What makes you think they found you?" she asked.

"I think there's someone following me," Lily said, "I think maybe I’ve seen him a couple of times on campus, but I don’t know. I lost him and came here."

"Just one someone?"

Lily began to second guess herself.

"I think so?"

When Darlene straightened from the sideboard she was holding a pistol.

"Call your father right now, and tell him to get over here. Armed." Darlene's words were cold and calm. Lily's stomach dropped in her gut.

She reached for Darlene's phone, a relic from another time which hung on the wall, its cord coiled like a snake.

Darlene walked to the sliding glass door as she dialed the numbers, each tone sounding long and drawn out, Darlene pulled the long curtains closed with a snap.

"Dad?" Lily said, when Mulder answered.

"Hey Lil!" he sounded so relaxed, excited just to talk to her though he'd seen her that morning.

"Dad, I'm at Darlene's. She says to get over here. She said to bring your gun."

She heard his sharp inhale. “I’m coming,” he said, and then she heard a dial tone.

"Lily," said Darlene, walking over to her computer, which was booted up and sitting on her dining room table, cords snaking out of it and across the floor. She quickly typed hunt-and-peck with her right hand, the gun still clutched in her left. "I want you to go into the top right drawer in my dresser. In a small lockbox, code 9-10-9-3, you'll find an old Nokia phone. It should be fully charged. It’s untraceable. Do not turn it on. Take it. Put it somewhere safe -- your bra or your sock or underwear. Then get under my bed."

Lily walked to the hallway, her body on autopilot, her heart hammering and her blood roaring in her veins.

Darlene finished typing, clicked a few things with her mouse and then peeked an eye out the closed curtain toward the backyard, tapping the gun against the side of her thigh.

Pausing in the hallway, Lily turned back to Darlene.

"Is someone coming?" Lily asked.

"Kid," Darlene said, shooting her a look, "they're already here."