#I'M GETTING A LITTLE SICK OF EXPLAINING WHAT BETRAYAL IS TO PEOPLE / * ASKS . ❞

[sunoflegend]

giiiiirrrlllll

tell me about it.

[sunoflegend-a]

COVER ALL THE FAILING WARLORD LOVES IN MAYONNAISE

Anything that really gets in the gears sounds perfect - you know what would be really terrible? Sand. Imagine how pissed he'd be if he got sand in his gears! I can already see it now.

[magics-neptunes-things]

Mockingjay - Part 8

Hi guys!

I'm sorry for the wait, I know that usually I give you the chapter on Friday, but I wasn't able to yesterday.

This one is a little darker, please be aware of that while reading it.

TW : Death, blood, injuries, grief.

Chapter before

Ona wakes up abruptly, a hand coming suddenly on her mouth to prevent her from shouting. She still is in the tree where she fell asleep a little earlier, while Teagan was supposed to stand guard. But it’s not him who is looking at Ona with undisguised anger.

It’s Lucy.

Eyes widened; Ona tries to move but Lucy doesn’t let her.

“What’s happening?” Ona whispers, Lucy’s hand always on her mouth.

“Did you kill him?” Lucy whispers-shout.

“What?”

Lucy’s voice is low, full of an anger that Ona doesn’t understand. Just like she doesn’t understand why Lucy is talking about. Ona tries to read more in Lucy’s eyes, but she can’t.

“What are you talking about?” the younger one finally says.

“Declan. Did you kill him?”

“What?” Ona frowns. “No, of course not.”

Lucy is still looking at her, but she finally removes her hand from Ona’s mouth. The latter takes advantage of it to look around them, looking for Teagan. But the young boy is nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s Teagan?” Ona asks.

But it doesn’t seem to be Lucy’s first interest. She seems so angry; Ona never saw her like this. She won’t say that she’s scared, but she’s definitely impressive like that. The situation is really mind blowing for Ona. She wanted so much to see Lucy one more time, but not like this.

“At the place where the Games began, there is a scoreboard. It says that you killed someone. If it wasn’t Declan, who was it?”

“The boy from the 5” Ona mumbles, not really wanting to remember that awful moment. “He was chasing Teagan at first and then he came back for us. I – I didn’t have any choice.”

Ona shivers and it has nothing to do with the cold. It is cold actually, but with the hoodie she’s wearing and the habit of the temperature, she was okay like this.

Lucy seems to think about Ona’s answer, looking at her while squinting her eyes. She seems furious. Ona can understand because she was pretty close to Declan, but there is no world where Ona could kill him.

“If it’s not you, who was it?”

Ona rolls her eyes and crosses her arms on her chest. Now that the surprise is passed, she has trouble keeping up with the way Lucy is talking to her.

“Your two girlfriends. He was with them at the lake, right? They pushed him in the water. I don’t know what is really inside the water, but he died almost immediately. Then there was this strange fog coming from the lake and I think it’s what killed Lilith too. I was in a house in the city with Teagan, we had time to run away. They were closer to the lake; Lilith didn’t get that chance. I guess Kayla didn’t explain things like this?”

When Lucy always seems to hesitate, Ona stands up a little bit more to face her. She doesn’t know what happened to Lucy for her to have doubts about her like that, but Ona doesn’t like it.

“If you don’t believe me, why don’t you look at the scoreboard? I’m pretty sure you know everything your friends do, don’t you?”

“It doesn’t show the score from the death’s people.”

“How convenient” Ona snorts.

They look at each other for several seconds. Ona feels sad and angry at the same time. She wanted to see Lucy one more time to have a good memory of her, not a fight about something like this.

“Who told you I killed Declan?” Ona asks finally.

“Kayla” Lucy answers only.

Kayla, or the only one of the trios from the lake who survived. It made Ona roll her eyes at the thought. Of course, it’s easier to accuse someone else of her betrayal. It makes Ona sick that Lucy chose to believe Kayla and not her.

She doesn’t know why Kayla was accusing her, though.

“Why would she say that?” Ona frowns softly.

“That is exactly my point.”

That icy tone, again. Ona bites her lips, not knowing what to answer to that. But she doesn’t look away when Lucy looks at her right in the eyes.

“Where is Teagan?” Ona asks again.

“He went to the river for some water. He’s not a very good guard if you want my opinion.”

“At least he believes me” Ona points out.

Lucy opens her mouth to answer but that is at this very moment that they hear someone walking in their direction. Ona could now recognize Teagan’s footsteps easily. She wanted to tell Lucy that it was him, but the older girl hurries to get out of her tree.

“Lucy!” Ona whispers.

She doesn’t hear Lucy’s answer or if she does, she even can’t see her since she jumps off the tree. Ona feels her heart breaking. This talk was worse than anything else in the world. She just has time to recompose her poker face when Teagan arrives.

“Where were you?” Ona asks him.

“I was thirsty. I didn’t think you’d wake up”

“You can’t leave like that” Ona answers maybe a little too harshly. “What if something happens to you and I’m not here?”

“I’m sorry?”

He seems a little surprised by Ona outburst, and the brunette takes a deep breath to calm herself. Teagan isn’t the reason for her fight with Lucy, he doesn’t have to deal with Ona’s bad mood.

“No, I’m sorry” Ona sighs softly. “Just tell me when you leave, okay?”

The young boy nods softly, smiling shyly at Ona. The girl smiles back at him, before looking at the sky. She is bored sitting on that tree to be honest, even if she knows it was what they decided with Alexia. But she doesn’t even know all the arena, even if Teagan gave her some information about it.

“I was thinking that we can make a reserve of food and water and go to the desert, what do you think? They won’t come to look for us there.”

After all, who can say to Ona that Lucy won’t come back with the other tributes? She’s not sure about anything anymore. She doesn’t want to explain to Teagan why she proposes that, but the boy seems happy about that idea. He proposes to go pick up some fruits while Ona goes for more water.

They even take some wood, with the lighter they found and the pan, they are even able to boil some water just in case. Without a second thought, they leave their tree to start walking towards the desert.

“I’m not sure that the starting point will be safe” Ona thinks out loud after several minutes. “Maybe we should take a detour”

Teagan doesn’t discuss this and follows Ona when she decides to stay close to the river during the walk. Lucy went to the starting point; she told her some hours before. Maybe it’s where she is now staying with her teammates. She wonders how many people Seth and Camden have killed since the beginning of the Games.

“Have you heard that?”

Ona frowns and turns in Teagan’s direction. She stops walking, trying to hear what Tegan might have heard.

“Wolves” she whispers after having heard them. “Let’s not stay here, come on.”

Even if she would rather cross the path of a wolf than Camden, she still wants to live as long as possible. They are not close to the mountain or even the snow, but after all no one can force wolves to stay where they are supposed to be. Plus, they might be hungry after several days.

“They seem close” Teagan mumbles, saying out loud what Ona didn’t want to think about.

“It’s okay. When we will be in the desert, they won’t follow us.”

She still walks a little faster though, her ears are attentive to any suspicious noise. Now she’s careful about human and animal sounds. Ona just really hopes that she won’t have to fight against snake or aggressive camels in the desert.

They were out of the forest now. Ona can see the buildings where they start the Games several days before from here. It’s just a long plain now, grass as far as the eye can see. Until she’s finally able to see what looks like some sand after. The bad news is that there is a big land dip between the grass and the sand.

The river falls into it, but Ona can’t hear the sound of the water falling in a lake below or even on the ground. The height must be appalling.

“We need to find a way to cross it” Teagan says.

Ona nods and looks around, but she doesn’t see anything who might help them. No bridge, no branch long enough to go on the other side.

“How deep is that hole?” Teagan asks, leaning a little to have a better view.

“Want to go see it by yourself?”

The male’s voice makes them both turn around and Ona feels her stomach drop. Camden and Seth are in front of them, both looking very scary. Camden has one of his knees hidden behind a big home-made bandage. It’s bloody. Ona doesn’t know who hurt him, but it doesn’t look good.

Just like their life right now.

In an instinctive way, Ona puts her arm in front of Tegan to make him go behind her. She knows it will be hard for her to protect him. Unlike last time, there isn’t any tree for her to hide him.

“Who hurted you, Sweetheart?” Seth asks, coming closer to Ona acting like he wants to touch her face.

“Go away” Ona grumbles, making a move to avoid his touch.

She looks for the knife attached to her backpack, taking it in her hand. She still knows she doesn’t have any chance, especially with two of them in front of her. But she still can hurt them too, making it easier for anyone else to kill them.

Maybe Lucy. By the way, where is she now? Did they kill her?

Her panic quickly goes down again when she reminds herself that she hasn’t heard any canon for a long time now. The last time it was when she killed that boy. She probably is alright.

“Are you really getting ready to fight?” Camden chuckles.

But Ona doesn’t answer. She looks at them with attention, ready to fight the first one who will try his chance. The worst possibility is that they both attack her at the same time, she doesn’t know she’s supposed to escape them in that case.

Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened. They just share a look at one point and run towards Ona and Teagan. It’s the kind of move and understanding coming after having trained it several times.

Teagan screams but Ona doesn’t say anything. Both men are fighting with their bare hands, even if Ona saw that they have weapons. Apparently, they don’t seem to think that they will need it to fight.

She’s not afraid about using her knife herself, protecting Teagan and herself as much as she can. She knows she can’t kill them, but if she hurts them enough, maybe they will have time to run away. Camden is the weaker one because of his injury, so Ona concentrates her attacks on him.

At some point, Teagan manages to escape the brawl, crawling to the backpacks Seth and Camden left on the floor.

But Seth sees him.

“Hey! He’s taking your hammer!” he shouts to Camden.

The boy turns around to look and Ona takes advantage of it to hit him on his injured knee with her knife. Hard.

“Teagan, run!” Ona shouts to the boy, over Camden’s howling of pain.

The hammer makes a metallic sound when Teagan lets it fall on the ground. It must be heavy. Enraged, Camden gives her a massive kick in her stomach while Seth chases Teagan. The hit cuts off Ona’s breath, preventing her from getting up.

Between Camden’s legs, she can see Teagan running, but it looks like he’s coming closer to them again. Ona doesn’t understand his move, until she sees him jumping on Camden’s back. He manages to make him fall, sadly on Ona. Ona can’t retain a whimper of pain.

“Enough! Throw them on the cliff!”

Seth is near them again. He seems to have had enough of this fight, maybe a little ashamed to have been threatened by a girl and a child.

After that, this is a mess of arms, kicks and shouts. Ona and Teagan are fighting for their life.

“Ona!”

Ona can hear Lucy’s voice and her head turns in the direction of the sound automatically. She’s even able to see her for half of a second before being thrown into the void, Teagan next to her.

“No!”

Lucy’s scream would probably have emotionalized every single person on earth, but it’s not Ona’s important point for now.

Ona managed to clutch at a root, several metres from the surface. Teagan didn’t have that chance. Grief burns her throat, and she has tears in her eyes, preventing her from seeing properly.

Her arms are burning too. After all those days without having eaten and slept enough, she doesn’t have the same strength as before.

There are grunts and noise of fights under Ona’s head. It seems like Lucy forgot all the thoughts she has about keeping herself safe with her alliance. Ona tries to ease the burning of her arms and shoulders by pushing on her legs, but the walls are dusty and the more she tries, the more pebbles and sand are falling under her.

She doesn’t want to give up though, wanting to catch Lucy when she falls. And maybe help her to reach the surface again.

But it surprisingly isn’t Lucy who falls almost two metres away from her. It’s Seth. Ona froze, looking at his body falling until she couldn’t see him anymore. Soon after, there are two shots of cannon. 

One for Seth. 

One for Teagan.

“Right, run away to your lying bitch, asshole!”

Lucy’s voice is shaking with what Ona thinks is anger. Ona wants to call the other girl, but she doesn’t have the strength to. She’s not even sure that Lucy is still here anyway.

At least she was able to see her one more time, Ona thinks. And she wasn’t angry this time. Closing her eyes, Ona let her forehead go against the wall. She knows she won’t last long. She just wants to visualise Lucy’s face one more time.

Lucy doesn’t know what pushed her to have a look at the cliff. She didn't realise that there were only two shots of cannon, not three. All she knows is that when she sees Ona, she feels like her heart is starting to beat again.

“Ona” she whispers at first, falling on her knees to see her better before getting into action again. “Ona!” she calls a little harder, not wanting to scare the other girl anyway.

They share a look when Ona raises her hand in her direction and Lucy can say that Ona doesn’t have any strength left.

“Okay, hold on. Hold on, please.”

She doesn’t let Ona answer anything before running to Seth and Camden’s backpack. She knows what is inside, but she doesn’t waste any time, she just flips them upside down to grab the rope she was looking for.

Lucy then runs to the cliff, terrified at the idea of Ona being not here anymore. She is barely holding it. But she is.

“Grab it” Lucy instructs, throwing a part of the rope to Ona.

The younger one wraps it around one of her arms, ignoring the burning against her skin. With her other arm, she grabs it and looks up again.

She can’t see Lucy anymore, but she can feel how much strength she’s putting in the effort to take her on the surface again. Ona feels like it’s taking an eternity and she’s pretty sure that she can feel Lucy’s strength getting low. Just when she wanted to tell her to just let her go, Ona can see grass again.

Ona lets go of the rope with one hand, grabbing the grass and the dirt while she pushes on the wall with her legs. The hope gives her suddenly more strength. With a last combined effort, Lucy and Ona manage to put Ona in security again. Or at least on the ground.

Lying on the ground, Ona tries to take her breath. The sky is grey under their head, and she doesn’t know if her breathing is hard because of Teagan’s death or the efforts she just put her body in.

“We need to move” Ona hears Lucy say. “I’m pretty sure Camden will come back with Kayla. I should have killed her earlier, why was I so stupid!”

While Ona sits, Lucy puts all the things she thinks they will need into a backpack. Teagan’s one having fallen with him.

“Can you walk?”

Ona can see Lucy’s concern in her eyes. She feels out of it, like if her head isn’t with her body anymore. Ona gets up, trying to ignore how her head spins at the movement. She doesn’t even realise that she’s falling, until Lucy catches her, passing her arm around her waist.

“Okay, we’re going to do things in another way.”

Ona looks at Lucy putting a bag on her stomach, before putting the other on Ona's back. Then she makes Ona climb on her back and starts to walk.

“Lucy…” Ona whispers, rocked by Lucy's quick walk.

“Sh. Just take deep breaths and don’t fall asleep, okay?”

Ona just hums, letting her head go into Lucy’s neck. Not falling asleep is harder than she thought. She feels lulled by Lucy’s movements and her scent.

At some point, Ona feels better enough to let the guilt be too big to let Lucy carry her like this for any longer. She kisses Lucy’s neck, smiling softly when she feels the goosebumps under her lips.

“I can walk” Ona finally says.

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah”

Lucy stops to slowly put Ona on the ground again. She looks at her closely, looking at any sign that Ona wasn’t feeling good. But Ona does, or at least as much as she can with her injuries.

“Where are we going?”

Ona doesn’t recognize that part of the arena, she never came here before.

“To the mountain. If we get higher, we can see them better.”

Ona nods and lets Lucy grab her hand before starting to walk again. She loses track of time, only concentrating on not falling on a rock. And Lucy’s warm hand in hers. At some point, it starts snowing and Lucy takes them into a cave.

“I saw you had wood in your bag, I’m going to make a fire, okay?”

Ona nods. Lucy choses a part of the cave hidden from the enter, to avoid the wind. And Ona realises it a little later, not to be seen by someone else. Ona just stays here, looking at the light from the fire on the walls. She realises that she’s crying only when Lucy sits next to her.

Lucy puts her hand softly on Ona’s back and it’s enough for the younger one to break.

“I wanted to save him. I just couldn’t” she chokes between tears and sobs.

Teagan’s death is hard to reach for Ona. They spend almost all their time together in the arena. She knew they had only little chance, but in her head, Teagan always would outlive her. She imagined that she would give her life for him.

“Hey now, you did everything you could to save him. You saved him several times before today.”

Lucy’s voice is soft, softer than she ever was.

“It wasn’t enough” Ona whispers through her tears.

“It’s okay” Lucy whispers.

Lucy passes both of her arms around Ona waist, taking her against her to rock her softly. Ona doesn’t really understand the sweet nothing Lucy whispers into her ears while comforting her, to be honest. But Lucy’s voice is enough.

“I’m sorry I arrived too late to save you both” Lucy says at some point, when Ona stops crying. “I thought I was too late for you too”

Her voice is only a whisper now, barely stronger than the crackling of the fire in front of them.

“But then I saw you grabbing this root… I was never as relieved as at that moment. I thought I lost you forever.”

Ona sniffles and raises her head to look at Lucy. Until now she had her head on her shoulder, her eyes lost somewhere on the fire. She must look awful but Lucy cups her cheek with the most tender gesture ever and uses her thumb to wipe Ona’s tears.

“Even if I were dead, you wouldn’t have lost me.” Ona whispers.

Into Lucy’s eyes, Ona forgets everything. She forgets her injuries, her stomach who hurts like crazy. The grief of Teagan’s death and the fact that they now have mortal enemies, probably looking for them everywhere.

“My parents aren’t okay with me being gay” Lucy blurts suddenly. “That is why Jorge was the only one who came to say goodbye. They were ashamed of me being their daughter.”

“How can someone be ashamed of you?” Ona thinks out loud, before shaking her head softly. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because I’m going to kiss you.”

And she does. They haven’t kissed for days now, the last time it was before the Games. The kiss is tentative, Lucy’s hand always on Ona’s cheek. But it’s enough to make Ona melts.

Ona presses her body against Lucy after several seconds, but the pain of her injuries are waking up. She can’t help but groan in pain, making Lucy let go of her very quickly.

“It’s nothing” Ona assures when she crosses Lucy’s panicked eyes. “I think I have some bruises somewhere.”

After that, Lucy looks closely at Ona for the first time. She already had seen her face and eyes injured earlier, when they talked in the tree. But now she can see the burns on Ona’s arms, where the rope was.

And of course, Ona took some violent kicks from her fight with Camden and Seth.

“I saw that you had some cream in your backpack, could they be used to those injuries?” Lucy asks.

“I don’t know. I received it from the sponsors, after my face’s injury.”

Lucy hums, reaching for it. Ona gives it to her, looking at Lucy who sniffs it.

“Mh. Maybe we will use it just to your face, just in case.”

Ona nods. She doesn’t want to die because she puts the wrong cream at the wrong place on her body. She wanted to take it back from Lucy’s hand, but the dark-haired girl hides it behind her back.

“Close your eyes” she says.

Ona rolls her eyes and obliges, letting Lucy put the cream on her face. She is soft and tender, and Ona feels her body relax a little bit at the touch. She could sleep right now.

“Who hurts you like this?”

It reminds Ona about Seth’s question earlier, but this time there is no fun behind it. It’s just genuine concern.

“The boy from the 5. I can’t remember his name.”

“Is he the one you killed?”

“Yeah”

Lucy stays silent after this, still taking care of Ona. She insists on seeing Ona’s other injuries, making the girl roll her eyes again. Lucy cleans Ona’s burning on her hand and puts some cold water on her stomach, where she got kicked by Camden.

“Now sleep” Lucy finally says when she’s fine with the care she gave to Ona.

Ona frowns and opens her mouth to talk, but Lucy silences her by putting a finger on her lips.

“Sleep. I’ll take care of you.”

“Wake me up in four hours if I’m still asleep” Ona asks.

“Sure” Lucy snorts.

She won’t do it; they both know it already. But Lucy only has to stroke Ona’s hair for two minutes before the girl is out of the world, feeling really safe for the first time since she left her District.

“This is the first time we are sleeping together” Ona mumbles into Lucy’s knee when she snuggles against her.

Lucy hums, still stroking Ona’s hair. She has a lot to ask to Ona, just like Ona probably has a lot to ask at her. They will talk tomorrow. Tomorrow it will be them against the rest of the world, but for now, Ona needs to rest.

Next Chapter

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I was given oral herpes by someone who didn't feel the need to disclose that they got cold sores before we had a one-time little dalliance.

I might've gone for it anyways. I'm self destructive. But I guess the lack of being able to choose whether to take the risk, it's left me feeling pretty bitter about the experience.

And I'm left feeling like a biohazard. I haven't really been able to explain to my friends yet why I'm suddenly extremely cagey about sharing my drinks and food. And all my favorite sexual activities are off the table forever. I know, dental dams, condoms, but half the fun of oral sex and making out is, you know, the taste, the heat, the absolute control. I was good at it.

It feels especially embarrassing since I'm ace and the whole reason I hooked up with the person was kind of... I don't know, fear that if I didn't, then we wouldn't be able to hang out anymore.

I'm not sure what I'm asking. Maybe, was it wrong for them not to disclose something like that? Considering how common it is? I feel obligated to disclose myself but maybe I'm just weird for that.

Thanks for doing what you do here.

Kind regards,

Asexual for Ethical Reasons Now I Guess

hi anon,

I don't often apologize for needing time to get to anons, because I really need people to have reasonable expectations about the amount of time I'm willing to commit to my inbox, but I am sorry for not getting to this one sooner. it's a topic that's very important to me, and I can tell you're dealing with a lot of hurt.

first off: I'm very sorry someone wasn't totally honest with you. that's never a good feeling, and especially in the context of sex it's a huge betrayal of trust. it's deeply unfair to you, and I hope you're able to recover from that.

having said that: you are not a biohazard. you're a person with an incredibly common virus. the World Health Organization estimates that somewhere around 80% of people worldwide have herpes (and that's a rough estimate, since they use different age ranges for HSV-1 and HSV-2). skip to the factual part of this tiktok at 00:10 seconds. herpes has been with us since before we were human; there's nothing disgusting or even unusual about having herpes.

herpes is different from most STIs in that it is lifelong, but that doesn't make you an unfuckable pariah. it makes you someone who may sometimes have open sores, and should give partners a heads up about your virus to avoid putting anyone in the same situation you're in. while you're at it, let them know that most people with herpes live asymptomatic and uncomplicated lives. many people never even know they have it!

I understand that spending the rest of your life with a viral buddy doesn't sound super fun right now, but I promise that as viruses go you can do WAY worse.

personally I've always felt the best way to get comfortable with something is to learn more about it. why not let clinical sexologist Dr. Doe talk to you about her own herpes, and how to be conscientious about minimizing the risk of sharing herpes with others?

or listen to writer Ella Dawson talk about learning to cope with the exact stigma you're currently struggling with?

or listen to Dr. Sydnee Smirl McElroy explain why herpes bears such a heavy stigma for such a mild virus in the first place?

you're not a biohazard, and neither is anyone else with an STI. that's a terrible way to think about yourself and others.

you're under no obligation to stop being sexually active if you don't want to be.

please don't feel that you have to have sex with anyone out of a sense of obligation anymore, but also please don't feel that herpes is a punishment. sickness isn't something that happens to people because they're bad or deserve, sickness happens to people because people get sick.

take care 💜

[baffledandbewildered]

“I don't really know how to end this,” Evi says, laughs, and to Betty’s ears it sounds a little broken.

Betty is glad she isn't the only one who feels that way.

She takes a breath, chokes on tears, tries again, until she can say the words in her head. “You can just walk away, Evi,” she says. “You can just walk away. I’m not going to. You made this choice. You walk away.”

Evi flinches. “Hell no.”

“You've got Pollocks here, your teammate.”

Evi stares at her silently.

“You wanna leave? Then walk away.”

In one quick movement, Evi equips their elytra and flies away. Betty is probably the only person who notices how their hands shake. And now she is left alone - it's raining, she realises. She hadn’t noticed.

Movement to her right makes her startle - she'd forgotten they had an audience, four people watching one of the worst days of her life.

Ace takes another step towards her, and Betty flinches back. She can't meet anyone's eyes - Poll, Ace, Seri - even fucking Cogmented is here gods this is -

“Not everything on this damn server has to be dramatic and deadly you could have ended it quietly -”

“I’ve thought about this for a while,” Evi says. “I didn't want to end it quietly. Would anyone have believed me if I had?”

“Did you not think I might have wanted to end it quietly? This isn’t just about you. I might have wanted it to end quietly.” She’d stopped, then, winced. “But would anyone believe it. Yeah.” And that’s the issue, isn’t it? Or one of them - Betty has a reputation for lying. ‘More than anyone’. Would anyone have believed them? Probably not.

Still. She doesn’t - it hurts, so bad, she hates that people are seeing her this way it’s wrong and she hates it -

Betty stumbles back - her inventory is a mess, spare gear and unsorted potions and she's still missing a few items but her unsteady hands manage to grab her e-chest and wrench it open, tug on her elytra and take another step away from all the watching eyes.

“I'm sorry I’m sorry I need to - go -” 

A firework sparks against her hand and she's gone, up into the rain clouds above them, away from the staring watching judging eyes behind her. 

She can't - how is she - how is she meant to -

The other watchers probably didn’t notice, but it seems it hurt Evi as much as it hurt her. She's bitterly glad of that.

She flies down from the clouds and - her luck. Her fucking luck - she finds herself gliding towards the Jestvu wedding pavilion and oh gods she doesn't want to be here, not at someone else's wedding venue when her own spouse - she lands heavily outside the portal and runs through. 

On the nether roof, there's no rain, and the heat makes her face burn - she probably is burnt, the side of her forehead throbbing - respawn doesn't heal all injuries and usually she wears anything she gets from Evi with pride but today it makes her feel sick.

BettyIsBaffled was slain by evi4 using [i'm sorry]

The parallels are haunting - both to her first death, a false betrayal that sent Betty on such a different path than she ever expected, and the death that finally revealed the ruse. 

But those deaths she'd asked for. Those deaths she'd - people think she likes dying and maybe she's a little weird about it but it's not the dying she likes it's the trust of it, putting her life and heart in another's hands - and today that trust was broken and there's a missing heart in her chest and she doesn't know what to do.

There's so many furious messages in her communicator, Ace had watched so now the whole alliance knows and Evi and Poll have left the group chat and - she begs her teammates not to seek revenge on her behalf but she isn't sure either is going to listen.

She doesn't know how to explain how much the thought of Evi4 dying for her sake hurts - she understands why he felt he had to leave, he told her before, he warned her so many times he was going to betray, it's not - she's not angry at him.

It just hurts.

She thought - things weren't great, fuck they were kinda awful really, Evi had never been fully on board with the End plan and had been kinda thrown into the alliance without a choice purely by association with Betty, but - she'd told him so many times it was his choice that was what this was all about, really, making their own choices where other people were determined to take them away from them - they talked about it so much and so often she talked to Evi more than anyone other than Sin - how had he decided to do this regardless -

It hurts.

She doesn't think she deserved this.

And that is so wrong because - she's spent so long the last few weeks hurting and hurting and knowing it was her own fault but -

She tried. Betty tried so hard to show Evi that she loves her and she knows that feeling is returned -

“I love you despite this. Despite everything. It just had to be like this,” Evi had said quietly. “I don't agree with anyone's morals - I don't agree with this allyship but I honestly stayed because I wanted to be alongside you.”

And gods didn’t that break her heart more than anything.

“I love you too,” Betty said desperately. “I thought you loved more than just me - I thought you liked being with all of us -” She stopped, shook her head, swallowed down tears. “Maybe I shouldn’t have expected that of you, maybe I shouldn’t have expected you to stay in a place like that but I offered you a way out - I know I said I didn't want to lie again but I would for you.”

And she would. She would - she’d thought, earlier, that Evi wanted that, she thought - she’d realised moments after her death that this was different, something was wrong - she’d seen the mace coming, sure, Evi wasn’t subtle, he even missed the first hit, but…

He’d told her earlier he was going to betray her today. She thought he was joking, or talking about something faking a betrayal. She'd offered to let him kill her, if he really -

It was only after she died and she was sitting in her respawn point after begging for instructions that she realised something was wrong.

evi4 whispers to you: i dont think you even know why i did that

… No. She didn’t.

‘I have a book for you!’ Evi said in general chat, as Betty was rifling through shulkers trying to cobble together a kit from the random bits and pieces of gear she had in her e-chest - she hadn’t had a full spare kit for quite a few deaths now, too busy with other stuff, too uncaring of the consequences - she was regretting that now, she didn’t even have gapples or a water bucket gods why was she so stupid. Eventually she decided what she had was good enough and pulled on her elytra to fly back to spawn.

Betty stepped through the portal. She asked for the book. Evi4 hesitated. “I just don’t think this is the time.”

“I want to read it. Evi I want an explanation.”

“You’ll get one. Later.”

“Evi I want to know I don’t know what to do -”

“There’s nothing you can do this has been doomed from the start. I've told you over and over again I’m betraying this is just how it was going to end.”

Evi never did give her that book, Betty realises. 

Does it really matter, though? Evi said enough. They made themselves pretty clear. They - gods.

“I don’t belong there.” ... “I disagree with you guys on so many things. I want to do things in a way that I have control over and honestly so many people in that alliance just. Don't particularly like me.” ... “I want us to find our peace. And I think. Neither of us can find that with the morals we have. We’re such different people.” ... “I wouldn't feel right staying like this.”

Betty feels so - stupid, stupid - she - the worst thing is she knew this she knew Evi felt this way they spoke so much and so often about everything - how had they got to a point that Evi thought this was his only option?

Betty thought they were good at talking - she thought - there’s a sign room, so far away she can’t even remember where and she wishes she could because she hates the thought of that place being found, now. They'd talked, earlier today.

issue #1: COMMUNICATION

They'd talked. Evi had built that place for Betty because they knew Betty needed somewhere to write down all her terrified confused angry thoughts -

She wants to destroy it. She wants to encase it in obsidian forever. It's not the first place she and Evi have built together - it might be the only one that remains.

But she doesn’t know where it is. So it’ll just have to remain.

She’s been flying aimlessly around the nether roof for a little while when she spots a familiar sight - gods, her luck - regardless, some sick masochistic thought has her landing outside the portal. 

There’s a stronghold near her day 1 base - months ago, she’d told Evi and Poll the truth about her and Sin. Betty can’t remember why they chose this place now, but Evi decorated it as she spoke and then many weeks later the group that would eventually become the Thousand Suns Alliance met to explain the many weeks of lore Pollock had missed.

She’d told Evi earlier today that she wanted to visit a stronghold. Wanted to see with her own eyes the wreckage of a plan that her teammates had worked so hard on, that they’d all sunk so many hours into, that Betty had relied upon when -

She'd wanted to see. This wasn’t how she was planning to do it, but… 

She steps through the portal. The room is empty - five frames remain. The flight across the nether roof had dried her tears but now they start anew.

It’s symbolic, maybe. One of the last remaining remnants of her and Evi4’s time together, gone. A hope lost, a relationship lost. 

Betty hates everything about this.

She tries to remember what it looked like - she’d made a platform out of stone. Mossy brick stairs, signs on the walls - glazed terracotta by the portal. A heart on the wall - that one is still there, and she doesn’t know if she’s grateful. But the rest - she can remember elements, she can remember it distantly but thinking of the whole thing is - maybe she doesn’t want to remember. Maybe it’s for the best that this place is gone.

She thought they were good at talking - even if they didn’t agree it didn’t matter because they talked but -

“We won't agree with each other. We don't agree with each other on a lot of things and we've lived so differently I can't understand where you're coming from.”

Obviously not.

Obviously not.

She starts the climb back to the surface - the portal is broken, and it’s far too easy to bump into people on the nether roof anyway. It’s cold, here, the stone under her hands sending stabbing pain through her fingers but eventually she’s pulling herself onto the icy surface of a frozen river. 

She’s retrieving her elytra from her e-chest when she glances at her sentimentals shulker. It’s filled to the brim with references to Evi4 - a shield she gave her while they worked on gear together at Animal Crossing, eight pieces of renamed gold, a flower from before they were even allied - Evi’s wedding vows.

Betty hesitates - then slams the shulker lid closed and backs away.

Gods. There’s a wedding ring on her finger - there’s tiny pieces of diorite and emerald inset and it’s so ugly but she loves it so much there’s so much memory there - it hurts. It hurts. She can’t bring herself to remove it, though.

“I hope we can find peace even in a time like this. Even if we’re on opposing sides or I’m not agreeing with what you do, I only want the best for you.”

“This was not what’s best for me,” Betty had choked out.

“I love you,” Evi4 said quietly.

“I love you too.” It was automatic, but… still true.

Betty wishes it was untrue. Maybe then this would be easier.

[dearestblood-a]

Have you told Sarek happy Father's day today...

Thankfully, I do not celebrate that holiday. So no, I have not.

[imtheiliad]

BIG LOVE AHEAD [1.2k | cute| small town/coffee shop au] {ao3}

for @firemedicdiaz- I hope this can be a soft blanket of distraction <3. and for @singlethread- happiest of birthdays <3

surprise i wrote an au that didnt turn into a 20k+ saga lol. Title from Big Love Ahead by Mon Rovîa. enjoy!

Evan Buckley is absolutely soaked. Standing in the rain and miserable If he’s being truly honest with himself. But that’s the thing. He should be miserable. Because he just had his heart broken. He was supposed to have had the cinematic love story— from the meet cute while he had been helping Bobby host the annual toy drive to a kiss in the rain after they decided to exchange keys and each have a drawer at the other’s place, cheesy keys in a jewelry boxes, contact paper and all. But the box is in his jacket pocket and it’s pouring rain.  and Alex was the one with the car that night so Buck trudges towards home. Trying not to think about how this news will spread throughout town, for lack of a better term, like wildfire. 

Sure he could have called a cab had his phone not died of course. So yeah he was pretty much stuck walking through town, completely soaked. 

He's not sure why he stops on the corner that he does, maybe to take a break under the awning of the little coffee shop that opened recently. He had been meaning to stop by, but it felt like a betrayal against the old machine that sputtered out the perfect cup at the station. 

He runs a hand through his sopping curls. And he hears a crack of thunder and sees a flash of lightning. 

“Fucking hell,” he mumbles to himself. 

“You wanna come inside?” 

Buck jumps as he turns towards the door, where he finds a man about his age leaning out of it. He's wearing a henley and a flannel— both of which look impossibly soft. He has a towel sling over his shoulder and gentle eyes. 

“Aren’t you uh, closed?” 

“Technically, but when I see cute guys walking through severe weather I get concerned.” 

“I- um, I don't want to keep you. I really don’t live too far.” 

“I live upstairs,” The man says and shrugs, “and I can make you a hot beverage so you don’t get sick.” 

Buck swallows the fact that standing in the rain doesn't necessarily get you sick and accepts the offer. 

Once they are both inside the other man takes stock of him and how he’s dripping onto the welcome mat. 

“Uhh let me get you a towel— and maybe a change of clothes?” 

He’s gone before Buck can protest. 

He looks around the cozy shop and then locks eyes with a pair behind red glasses. The gaze scrutinizing. 

“Who are you?” the boy demands  

“Uh, my name's Buck.”

“That's a funny name. Why are you all wet?” 

“Christopher, what have I told you about rude questions buddy?” 

“It was a valid question. I just didn't know how to explain getting brutally dumped to a six year old.” 

“I'm seven!” Christopher pipes up. 

The man laughs shyly, “I'm Eddie Diaz by the way.” 

“Evan Buckley, but everyone calls me Buck” 

“You’re the…firefighter right?” 

Buck just buries his face in his hands, “Sorry there are approximately 10 queer people in this town and we must all know each other.”

“It’s okay. There’s a bathroom around that corner.” Eddie holds out a fluffy towel and what looks like a neatly rolled t-shirt and pair of basketball shorts, “sorry this is all I had that I  thought might fit.” 

“Hey, it’s better than what I've got on.” 

He exits the small bathroom feeling a bit refreshed and finds Eddie behind the counter seemingly hard at work at a new chalkboard sign. 

“Pick your poison—tea, cocoa, or decaf?” 

“Cocoa!” Buck brightens. 

“Are you really a firefighter?” Chris asks with the pure wonderment only a seven year old can have. 

“Yeah, I am!” 

“Can I come visit and slide down the pole and sit in the truck? Please?” 

Buck smiles so much it hurts his cheeks a little bit. 

He lowers his voice down to a conspicuous whisper, “You ask your dad and I'll ask my captain and we’ll see what we can do.” 

He knew Bobby would say yes, he loves having kids at the firehouse as long as they are respectful if they have to rush off. Which doesn’t happen all that often anyway. 

Eddie comes back to the table tray in hand, loaded up with two hot chocolates and a black coffee along with a cookie split into thirds. 

“Thank you, you really didn't have to do this.” 

Eddie waves it off as he brings his mug to his lips and takes a long sip of coffee. 

“Can we please visit Buck at the firehouse Dad?” 

Eddie smiles down at Chris and ruffles his hair, “Sure kid.” 

The beaming smile that comes in return nearly blinds Buck– and only makes him smile harder too. 

☕☕☕☕☕☕

It’s two days later when Bobby texts that Marie (the coffee maker) has finally and officially shorted out (RIP) and asks Buck to bring a round of various coffee concoctions into work for the crew. 

So of course he stops by Eddie’s shop– which is of course swamped, because it's 7:30 on a Monday morning. 

Ravi, a kid he recognizes from one of their community events is behind the register while Eddie seems to be the one focusing on the drinks. 

“Hey um Ravi?” he asks while handing over the cash for the drinks, “Could you tell Eddie that I'm asking about my suit? He’ll know. Thanks.” he smiles as Ravi nods. 

🚒🚒🚒🚒🚒🚒

It's later that day, they've cleaned the entire station, as per the Monday schedule, and even went on a few calls. 

“So,” Chimney pops his gum, “I hear that you had quite the roller coaster weekend in the relationship department, Buck.” 

Buck raises his eyebrow with uncertainty. 

“Well I heard that–”

“Stopping you right there Henrietta.” Buck replies holding up his hand. 

“Yes, Alex and I broke up. And yes I met Eddie who owns the coffee shop. That's it. Happy?” 

“Then what is Eddie doing here with a child and what appears to be your date night suit?” Chimney asks eyebrows climbing rapidly. 

“Just because that's all that happened doesn't mean- Hey you two!” 

“Ravi got your message to me, I took it to the dry cleaner. And I, um, thought you would want this back too." Eddie holds out the box tentatively. “I didn't realize it was that-”

“Oh,” buck smiles, opening the box, “it's just a key- it wasn't”

“Oh!” Eddie smiles, “well regardless. It's yours.” 

Buck glances over his shoulder to see that Bobby is entertaining Chris with a plastic firefighter helmet and the different parts of the engine. 

“Come here,” Buck takes Eddie's hand and pulls him further away from the prying eyes of his well meaning but nosy family. “So, I know I was just broken up with, but I would really like to take you out on a date sometime. Or just for dinner, as a thank you. Totally fine if-”

“Yes, I'll go on a date with you.” Eddie encroaches further into his space and brushes a light kiss over his lips. “Wanted nothing more since I saw you sopping wet under the awning.” 

Buck rolls his eyes and laughs. 

“So Buckley, are we gonna get free coffee out of this whole deal or what?” Chimney asks, leaning against the engine. 

He looks up at Eddie and whispers, “you can say no,” in his ear. 

“Sure.”

“Dad, Dad, Dad, can you and Buck help me down the firefighter pole?” Chris asks, rocking excitedly on his crutches. 

“Let’s do it!” 

Eddie looks over at Buck, smiling in a way that makes Buck realize exactly where Chris gets it from, and just reflects it back.

[awigglycultist]

Episode 3 rewatch! This just might be favourite ep so I'm really glad I got to watch it live

So I'm guessing it was an editing mistake that homeless man's cameo was taken out of the theme last ep?

Daddy

Frank is an asshole but also this ep makes me so sympathic for him. He's not totally bad.

The dog :( oh god

Holloway! Beloved!!

Sherman! You little weirdo

Jaime and Corey are such amazing actors

Shelia!!!! MILFFF

DAAADDY

I forgot about them singing the them for the suggies dbdhdj

"don't shame me!"

"yes. Best milf ever"

Marco!

Sheila's outfit!!!

"but growing up is optional :)" "growing up is for poor people Frank" ".... Right."

*spits out wine* "marry me?!? You just met me!!"

Stan Holloway for pointing out Frank's hypocrisy but also Frank's right Sherman's a rich spoiled brat

"rich people."

The fact Sherman acts like the from crunching something hard. Christ.

Becky!!!

The way Shelia talked to and about Becky alone makes me want to slap her

"I'm sick of it Frank" OF WHAT? IT'S BEEN LIKE DAY

"PETER PAN??"

"your both so rich it turned you into monsters! Your money turned you into monsters!" I love Frank

BARRY SWIFT!!!

I love him, his serious and calm tone while his leg is fucking bleeding

So no AIAH? *breaks something* /j

Vitamin D hehe

"LIKE A FUCKING MILLENNIAL"

Barry :(

TED ME BELOVED

And he's dead again :/

Considering it was two weeks Barry lived a long time

"oh well, I'll make another one" wtf is Marco. What is he. I still need answers

Nothing's impossible in Hatchetfield Frank...

Go off ig Sherman?

"Huzzah! I'm a kid again! "

Being Sherman's dad truly is the most terrifying thing

Killer Track

"WELL FUUUCKKK YOUU"

"You don't know me ill fucking kill you!" "oh your gonna kill me!?" this whole bit is so great

" come on guys. Let's go to Denny's"

God Thrash is SO funny

DUUKKKEEEE

"well I don't know I've never done drugs Duke!" "... I know Beth."

Duke my beloved :)

HOLLOWAY

"great. My life is in the hands of Barbie."

Duke probably while watching Holloway literally magically make Rose eat a slice of pie: yup that normal and there's a totally legit logical non actually magically reason for this :)

Ahh the black book!!! @thirdchildart did such an amazing job with it!!!!!

Tinky!

I still can't believe Curt kept giving us taco bell as a spoiler when we asked him for one and then turns out taco bell is mentioned literally once and is not important. But he also gave us fireworks as one and that broke our hearts so!

Can't wait to die in a week /j

"it's just a teeny tiny paradox it happens all the time!"

"if it's a ghost I'll trap it in this jar :)"

*Holloway on the verge of killing Duke* "get away from me!" "don't worry! I'm not going anywhere! :)"

"what are ya doing Darlin'?" :(

"sh- she wouldn't!" :(

I know she's not actually dead BUT OH GOD IT HURTS THEIR REACTIONS DUKE'S SO SAD HNGGG AND ROSE SAYING HITS HER FAULT AUUGGHH AND DUKE'S STILL SO SWEET AND THE CAT-

Oh to relieve the moment where Holloway starts to explain her past and then it cuts to the future I was so mad dndjdjks

"the killer track! Keep up Duke!"

James' character is SO done with Solomon

"did you want me cut the mic?"

Hailey's betrayal!!!

Ted!

Deb and Alice!!

I've seen the ep before but it's still so nice seeing all these characters

Duke was trying his best

Can't believe Thrash didn't actually sell his soul

Poor Thrash

"hey! Why are you still alive!?" is such a great quote out of context

OH GOD POOR KALE

"are you any good?" "NO! D':" "we're loud! :)"

AHH RUN AWAY WITH ME IT'S SO GOOD

Fireworks :''((((

"that was radical guys! I mean it! Bitchin!"

KALE :(

"feels good to be heros for once" yeah sure Duke

DON'T CRY DON'T CRY DON'T CRY-

"I couldn't forget you even if I tried you know how I feel about you!" :'(

"oh yeah. He was watching the fireworks" :'(

HNGGG I THAT BIT IS ALL SO SAD

Mrs Holiday!

"is that a tape deck in there Mrs retro?"

OH NEEDY BEAST VERSION OF THE THEME YESSS

I forgot about the Becky Barnes bit! Jddjdj

Paul is dead records

Director Barry Swift

What does it mean WHAT DOES IT MEAN

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter six - “lake, the sequel”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.7k

synopsis: reader seeks out bucky after his dramatic exit and they find themselves earnestly conversing... back at the lake

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: this story is available on my wattpad as a bucky x OC fic @ / typicaldaze :)

He didn't like this feeling. No, he didn't like this feeling at all. He hated it, in fact. It was betrayal, bodily betrayal. He just could not sit in that room any longer or he would've peeled his skin off. His lungs felt as if they were bound with barbed wire and the state of his stomach had him worried he was going to throw up. Most of all he felt guilty. How could he have just stormed out of the room like that? She was going to hate him now. How could he let this happen?

He was thinking this over whilst sitting at the lake, hands in the grass, trying to distract the physical body from the mental cacophony he had just endured. He had somehow found his way there after leaving Y/N. These extremely unpleasant sensations were unfamiliar. Was he sick? Could he have been drugged? He was so confused. Bucky realized he seemed to be confused most of the time. Following that realization, he became mildly pissed off.

The super soldier stared out at the lake. It was a calm day, the water tranquil and clear. It was a stark contrast against his stress. He leaned forward and looked into the water at his reflection.

"Damn," he said out loud.

Is that really what I look like now?

His eyes traced over the long shaggy hair, dark under eyes, and the subtle but noticeable worry lines. This sight reminded him of when he broke the mirror at his old place in Bucharest. Now he remembered why. God, he looked as fucked up as he was. He leaned back and tossed a stone at where his reflection had been.

A deep sigh left his lungs, which were now conveniently working properly.

"Fuckers," he muttered, referring to the mercurial organs.

He had spent nearly two years alone in Bucharest, and he had grown accustomed to living in this new body. He was always on edge, that much he could tell. However, he was never too introspective; he never thought about his feelings or his behavior. All he was focused on was surviving. When there is more to life than survival, that's when things get complicated... not that they weren't complicated before. God, he was running in circles inside his own mind. His scarred and ruined and manipulated mind that resided in this body that was used as a tool for destruction and violence and death-

"Hey."

His head whipped around, startled out of his thought frenzy. Always on edge. Mentally, he shook his head in disappointment.

"Oh! (Y/N)!"

He stood up immediately. "Listen, I'm so sorry about before, I don't know what-"

"It's okay," she said quickly, holding up her hands. "Bucky, you do not need to apologize, everything is totally fine."

He was taken aback. Words didn't seem to work.

"I'm not mad if that's what you were thinking," she said.

"You're not?"

"No, of course not. If anything I was worried."

"I- Worried?"

"Yes, you were clearly in distress, and that room was the last place you wanted to be. I'm glad you found your way back here because you look much better now," (Y/N) explained with earnest eyes.

She could tell he was freaked out? She probably thinks he's insane.

"Yeah, I... I think I'm better now."

He was far from okay, but definitely better than before.

The psychologist sat down next to where he was standing. He didn't move, but looked down at her.

"I don't think it'd be wise to leave you alone here considering you're supposed to be in a session with me right now and you can't go anywhere without an escort. It would most likely lead to suspicion and then trouble you don't need. I'm going to stay with you. We can continue the session if you'd like, but if not we can just sit."

She said this all while looking straight forward at the water.

In all honesty he wasn't sure what to say, so he settled with a breathy, "Okay," before sitting down next to her.

"I'm getting the vibe that this is more of a just sit situation..."

"Yeah... I think I'm all therapy-ed out for today," Bucky said in a meek attempt at a joke.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a wide smile. He then realized that she didn't know he could see it, and that's why this smile seemed different. Most differents in Bucky's life hadn't been outstandingly pleasant. But this was a welcome different. This was a good different. It was genuine and unbridled. That was the most open he'd ever seen her.

Every now and then he forgot that he was a literal trained super spy. He may not have any PhD's, but he had his own way of reading behavior, cues, and subtleties. Perhaps he'd make an effort to be more observant. Perhaps he wanted to learn a little more about what else was behind this new different.

A few beats of comfortable silence passed before he heard the word again.

"Hey," (Y/N) started softly. "I'm sorry if I went a little too far today. I know I said our first session wouldn't be much, but I realize I was pushing too far."

"Oh, it's okay," Bucky replied, looking down at the grass between his knees. "I think it's more my fault anyway. It's not like the questions were super intense."

He let out a loaded sigh. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Bucky it's really okay. If it's anyone's fault it's mine. This whole process is supposed to be based on your comfort levels and at your own pace. And there's nothing wrong with you. Your reaction was completely normal given the circumstances."

Bucky wasn't terribly familiar with reassurance. He turned his head, looking at her dead on. She was so genuine, like she knew all of what she was saying was the all encompassing truth.

Echoes of different combinations of "there's nothing wrong with you" and "completely normal" and "your own pace" flitted around inside him until they melted into a feeling he hadn't felt in so long: hope. It was horrifying... yet it gave him a kind of relief he didn't know he could feel.

The super soldier then realized that (Y/N) was looking right back at him dead on. He was about to stumble through some sort of apology for staring or thankful expression for her kindness, but he noticed that she didn't look like she was necessarily waiting for a response. She was just... looking.

Bucky tried to say something, anything. But he just couldn't seem to pull his eyes away. In this brief moment, he felt crystallized. His conscious, logical brain was somewhere far away, hypnotized by the stillness of the moment. It was only a few seconds, but somehow felt longer. These very few seconds of mental sedation were soon over.

Speak, idiot.

He snapped back to reality, suddenly finding himself inspecting at the grass below him.

"Thank you."

"Of course," she replied without missing a beat. Her tone of voice was water soft.

"(Y/N), do you... do you know what happened with me earlier?" he asked, cautiously. "Like, what was wrong- I mean, not wrong but why I-"

He sighed frustratingly, cutting himself off.

Her face was patient, but she was waiting for a description of something he didn't know how to describe.

"I know I said we were done for today, but I-I don't know how to explain it, and I want to know what it is," he confessed.

"I think you had an anxiety attack."

Anxiety? That couldn't be right. There's no way that could've been from being nervous.

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"Anxiety. It seemed as though you were experiencing high amounts of anxiety. Most people get nervous at times, but those tiny amounts are normal. But, some other people are a lot more nervous a lot more of the time. Sometimes, these peoples' anxiety can get particularly high and be so overwhelming that their body kinda takes over, and they can experience really uncomfortable physical symptoms, and this can turn into an anxiety attack."

"I thought I was... sick or... or drugged or something."

"Well, I'm almost certain you weren't drugged, and I'm pretty sure you can't even get sick."

"Oh."

He honestly didn't know what to say.

"Bucky," she looked straight at him again and he almost felt himself slipping. "In terms of psychology, a lot has progressed since the 40's. I'm not sure how anxiety was presented or studied then, but there's really a lot more to it than people think. And honestly, given your situation, it would be strange if you didn't develop an anxiety disorder."

Anxiety disorder?

"Anxiety disorder? I have that?"

"Well, again, I think we have to do more work to confirm, but that's what it seems like."

"I thought you said I had PTSD?"

"I do. I think you have both."

Christ.

"Wow, I'm a whole sack 'a problems, aren't I?" he chuckled, giving up on trying to internally oppose his short comings.

"You're not a problem, Buck. You had to deal with a whole sack of problems, though," she smiled.

The nickname didn't miss his radar. Was that the first time she's called him that? He ignored how he liked it.

"That's for damn sure."

They conversed for a while after that, and didn't seem to notice how late it was until the sun began to set. The ending day's reflection on the water created an aura so relaxing Bucky didn't want to move. But alas, reality calls.

(Y/N) stood up. "If you're not back soon, they'll start looking for you. We should probably get going."

Bucky stood up, too, following her request.

"I'll walk you back to your quarters," she offered.

And so they went, conversation continuing naturally, as if they were old friends. Bucky found it strange that someone he knew so little was so easy to talk to. He brushed it off as some inherent therapist quality.

He still found her hard to read although he knew her more with each passing word between them.

Despite all of this, the walk back, with cool air, a melting sky, and languid steps, was the best thing he had experienced since coming out of cryo. His memory may be spotty, and his mind may be rough, but this, this he was sure of.

[warrior-angel]

Till Death Do us Apart

Author: @warrior-angel

Word Count: 6155

Summary: when you and your brother both get infected by the flare you go down an emotional rollercoaster only for it to end totally diffrent than you had originaly planned it al to go.

Warnings: major character death, blood, angst,

Note: this was realy hard to write for me but i'm very proud of it so i hope you guys like it

This is a one shot writen for Tomuary by @writingsbychlo

you knew you were a walking time bomb and that you probably didn't have long anymore every day could be your last you just hoped you would make it long enough to see your friend being saved.

The flare, a stuppid virus that made you go completely insane, you've kept your sanity in all those years in the Maze and now that you were finally free you wouldn't live to see the beauty of it. Here you were leaning on the table listing to Thomas and Gally picking a fight over what to do next you had to save Minho from WICKED but every idea was turned down it being to risky and now that there was a real option to extualy get the job done Thomas was refusing to do it and you were just trying to keep your mind from not completely losing it over this endless ‘i don't trust you even though it could save our lives thing’ you loved Thomas that's the hole reason you were together but sometimes he could be so stubborn and right now, right now he was being a pain in the ass because the plan Gally had to save Minho included Teresa “No there's gotta be another way” Thomas kept saying while everybody disagreed knowing we didn't have much choice or resources to do anything else “like what? you’ve seen the building she’s our only way in'' Gally tells him again but he still doesn't listen. “If we do get in you think she’s going to help us?” Thomas ask him and Gally shakes his head “I don't Plan on asking for her permission” i crack a little smile knowing nobody at the table really liked teresa in the first place and Brenda only conformers that when she's speaking up “Am i missing something here this is the same girl that betrayed us correct? same Dick”

Thomas starts to nervously pace around and nobody understands his problem. You loved Teresa like a sister but after her betrayal a lot changed even for you “what's going on?” Brenda asks him and you look over at Newt you knew your brother and you knew that look on his face because you've had it yourself and you've seen it on him before he was angry and he was going to lose it any second now “your afraid your little girlfriend is going to get hurt?” Newt snaps and all eyes go to him “this has obviously never been just about rescuing Minho is it''

Thomas looks taking back by his sudden outburst and so does everybody else but i couldn't disagree “he’s got a point Tommy” you tell him and the brown haired boy looks up at you even more shocked that your agreeing with Newt “what are you talking about” but before you can do or say anything Newt stands up straight in front of him “Teresa, she's the only reason Minho is even missing in the first place and now we finally have an opportunity to get him back and what you don’t want to because of her? because deep down inside you care more about her than for y/n don't you, just admit it”

Thomas turns his gaze over to you over Newt his shoulder and you know Your brother hit an emotional string there. from day one you were Teresa her competition and you knew how thomas felt about her but he chose you over her and that meant the world to you but this part of you that was Sick and infected was telling you that the minute you would be gone he would run to Teresa “Newt i” Thomas starts but All Newt does is move closer pushing Thomas against the wall “Don’t lie to me!”

“Newt calm down!” You yell getting closer but your brother doesn't move “Don’t lie to me” he tells Thomas again “Newt Get the off of him!” You say using every ounce of strength to pull him away from Thomas. As soon as he backs away he looks a bit shocked at his own actions looking between you and your friends mumbling a quick apology before turning towards Thomas and apologizing again. the minute he steps to the side wanting to walk away, wanting to leave the room you notice him grabbing onto his arm and you immediately fear the worst cause you've had the same outbursts and the same burning sensation in your arm right after you had an outburst like that. “y/n, i'' Thomas says towards you and you shake your head not wanting to talk about it “it’s fine, he just need to cool down”

“That's not what i mean” and you nod “i know”

you stand on your toe’s giving him a quick kiss on his cheek and giving him a reassuring smile “i’ll go check on Newt i’m probably the only one he’ll talk to you guys find a way to get Minho back”

Opening the door to the roof you can see Newt sitting on the edge of the building and you take a few steps closer trying to calm yourself down already knowing the truth about what just happened what had caused his outburst but still a part of you hoped it was just the tension and the time spend so close togheter that caused it instead of a stupid virus. Looking over his shoulder newt spots you standing behind him and you take a few steps closer “sorry bout that back there” he tells you but you don't say anything you just sit down beside him and look at his arm and seeing the twitching in his fingers and it looks all too familiar to you “Why didn't you tell me?” you ask him and he looks over at you but you just look at his arm and he Rolls up his sleeve Revealing multiple black and purple veins on his lower arm “you could’ve told me” you tell him but you knew your brother, you were the same you didnt wanna spend your last few weeks or even days saying goodbye to the people you loved

“I didn't think it would make any difference” he was right knowing it didn't change a thing it only made saying goodbye so much harder because you didn't know when you had to do it “All i know is that WICKED must off put us in that Maze for a reason, maybe it was literally just so they could tell the difference between the immunes like you and people like me” that only made it hurt more because he didn't know, he didn't know you were not Immune “people like us” you tell him and he looks confused. taking a deep breath you lift your leg up a little and move away to Fabric covering your ankle to show Newt the bite mark and torn skin that was covered in black and purple veins “it was that Crank that Fry shot when we were in the tunnel right before Brenda and Jorge saved us, his aim was good only a little bit to late” you explain

it stays silent between the two of you for a minute letting it sink it that you were going to lose each other to lose everybody you loved “Thomas?” He asks and you shake your head “he doesn't know, and he cant i'm not spending my last days saying goodby to him he needs to focus on Saving Minho”

“So what's your plan? You just wanna run off, leave us all behind and die on your own?” Newt asks in a harsh tone “No, i’m sticking to the plan and that's saving Minho”

“What you gonna do after that” and you swallow the lump in your throat “There won't be an after cause i’m not planning on surviving it and that's exactly why he doesn't know”

“who doesn't know?” a familiar voice says behind the two of you you both look back to see The brown haired boy and you turn your gaze to Newt pleading for him to stay quiet and he nods looking back to this arm “i guess i can't hide this anymore'' he tells Thomas rolling his sleeve up again “Newt we can still fix this” thomas tells him and you look between both boys being trapped in the triangle of losing not only yourself but also your brother and the boy you love

That night you all decide to go through with the plan, get Teresa, make her take out the chips in your necks and break into WICKED to get out Minho and that's exactly how things went. having Teresa back was weird to say the least nobody trusted her but right now she was sitting behind you with a small knife against your neck to cut out the chip you didn't really have a choice “try to relax this is going to sting” she tells you and shrug it off wanting to get it over with “just do it”

a sharp pinch follows within a few second you grab the chair tightly out of reflex and you put your feet flat on the Floor trying not to move but moving your leg past the Chair the zipper on your Jeans opens showing her the black veins beneath it “your leg” she says and you pull back leaning down the close the zipper and pull the fabric over your ankle down “What happened?” She asks but you ignore her completely

“are you done” you tell her harshly looking straight up at her “you two okay?” Thomas asks from across the room and you nod “yeah, where fine” you tell him grabbing a small piece of gauze and holding it to your neck “does he-” but you cut her off talking a little softer making sure nobody hears “No, he doesn't and he won't cause your going to keep your mouth shut and not talk to anybody about it you ruined enough as it is”

“if you come back to the lab with me i could help you give you a-”

“just drop it alright!” you yell getting everybody's attention “Whats going on here?” Gally asks and you shake your head “Nothing, there's absolutely nothing” you tell him walking of Looking over at your brother And then to the brown haired boy that is already on his feet and coming towards you and taking you away from Teresa and away from the others for a second “hey, whats going on with you?” he asks and you shake your head “i’m just one edge i just really want this to work” and the boy nods understanding and giving a quick peck on your lips cupping your cheeks “well get Minho back and we'll all be safe i promise” you look over at your brother on the other side of the Room and Thomas seems to understand “We’ll save Newt well get the cure and he’ll be fine”

“Promise me that after saving Minho you’ll try to save Newt no matter what” and he nods “where is this coming from?” He asks but you just look at him “Promise me Thomas”

“I Will, i promise i Will try to save Newt no matter what” you give Him a weak smile knowing that your brother might survive this all and that made you feel good you where going to save your friends, your family even though you know there was only enough to save one of you two and you knew it wasn't going to be you “You know i love you right?” He tells him and he leans down a little kissing you with more passion than before “i love you too, until Death do us apart” it was a small thing you two said in the glade and in the scorch when something happened but right now it only made you sad cause the small Joke that first meant you loved on another and would stick together would soon turn into reality and probably Faster than he hoped.

The plan worked, you got into WICKED, you saved Minho and you got out of the building with only minor issues but the adrenaline and the fast work took its toll on Newt, His body was shutting down and it was getting harder for yourself to keep things hidden from Thomas or anybody else for that matter.“They were supposed to blow up WICKED not the whole damn city!” Gally says as the walls explode and cars full of angry people coming rushing into the city. pushing us to the side we all sit down against a wall in an alley trying to get away from the explosions and Thomas crawls to the side and you pull his arm “where are you going” you ask him but he is quickly sitting back next to you as he sees WICKED’s cars rushing in “shit”

“what are they waiting for?” Minho asks “Like i have a clue” you answer and like it was planned a loud explosion goes off again and gunfire starts to blast out on the street “we gotta go!” Gally calls out and we sneak into an old dinner to stay sheltered from it all. Sitting in the back of the restaurant you sit against Thomas his chest and his hand goes around your waist as both of you breath heavily for the first time sitting still and letting everything that happened sink in looking between the gunfire outside and Gally,Newt and Minho you know things aren't looking very good for the five of you. Thomas loosens the hand on your waist and grabs the walkie from his pocket “brenda, are you there” and almost immediately she answers “Thomas, i’m here” you grab the walkie from his hands looking around seeing your brother getting worse the fire and fight going on outside and Thomas behind you before answering her “Bren, there's too much going on and i don't think we're going to make it”

“y/n? what are you talking about” she says clearly holding back tears making it harder for yourself to hold it back and you hand to Walkie back to Thomas while swallowing the lump in your throat “you should take the others and get everybody out while you still can” and i doesn't take long for Brenda her protest to come through

“No” and tears roll down your cheeks knowing how hard it is for them so putting your hand over Thomas you hold down the buttons “brenda, you need to go” you tell her hoping she will listen to you “i’m not leaving you two okay so forget it”

“Even though you should,” Thomas tells her and it stays silent for a while you sit up a little with a few tears in your eyes and you grab onto Thomas's hand tighter than before. part of you hoped it was going to be over cause it meant you never had to tell him the truth but the other part wanted him to survive and live his life at the fullest “we started this together might as well end it that way” you tell him and he smiles “you sound like your brother” and you laugh a little looking over at him “till death do us apart right” Thomas Jokes and you nod turning our head far enough to kiss him

“Thomas! y/n! don't worry i’m coming for you” and both Thomas and you look at each other and you act quick taking the walkie out of his hands “what are you talking about?”

“our rides here, look for us near the tunnels”

After walking out of the building Gally takes the lead cause he knew the place the best and he led you all towards the tunnels. At the end of the street a loud blow is heard and a car blows up in front of you all making you fall over and you're once again stuck hiding behind a wall “were almost here” Gally says staking low trying to look for a way through the fight without much trouble but a bright flash of light above you all making you look up seeing the berg flying overhead heading towards the tunnels “There here” you say in a whisper looking at Thomas having hope for your brother once again knowing Brenda had the cure to save him

“go without me, just go” Newt spills and you all look at him, veins starting to crawl up his neck and towards his face and black blood coming from his mouth

and you knew he wasn't going to last long anymore “Minho, you gotta run ahead grab the serum and get back as soon as you can” you tell him and he looks at you not agreeing with it but Thomas nods “Minho, go”

“there right, i’ll cover” Gally tells him and i nod once silently thinking him

“y/n, bring one for y/n” Newt says and you shut him up “what is he talking about?” Thomas asks and you shake your head “Nothing I'm fine it’s just the infection getting to his head” you tell him turning to Minho “You need to go Now!

“just hang on, you hear me,” Minho tells Newt and with those words he runs off getting the serum to save your brother. Newt his head turns to the side and you can see he's fading away but you grab onto him shaking him trying to get him to focus on you and trying to stay awake “Newt! stay with me do you hear me, i need you to stay focused”

“We've gotta get you up” Thomas says, grabbing onto Newt his arm but he protests reaching for his necklace and ripping it from his neck “come on Newt we've gotta go!” Thomas tells him again and tears run down your eyes as Newt holds out the necklace towards Thomas you knew it was the letter he wrote, you were there with him

“Newt, your gonna make it”. I tell him but he keeps his hand out for Thomas

“Just take it!” he yells breathing heavily and Thomas takes the necklace from him holding his hand tight “please, Tommy please” as the words pass by his lips your body starts shutting down and you start coughing letting your body drop next to Newts “y/n!” Thomas yells and you nod “i’m okay, it's just smoke” you lie and you look towards Newt and you can see in his eyes that he knows you're not far behind him “tell him, you need to tell him” Newt says and you shake your head “you need to keep your mouth shut, the plan is going the way it should” you tell him before turning to look at Thomas “tell me what?” Thomas asks and you shake your head holding onto your sanity and pushing yourself up again “The plan about saving Minho it's working now we've gotta save Newt your helping or not?”

“She’s Sick” Newt spits and Thomas looks at you “i’m fine just tired” And Thomas nods he knew you hadn't been sleeping much being concerned about newt but the truth was you didnt wanna risk him seeing the Infection in your leg you had enough time to sleep when this was over. “We need to get out of here” you tell him and Thomas nods, helping you lift up Newt and Making your way closer to the tunnels.

after a few blocks of walking your knees give up on you and you drop to the ground Newts body collapsing onto Thomas and dropping to the ground before you “Y/n?” Thomas ask and you look up at him “I’m Sorry Thomas” you tell him knowing your plan was not working you weren't going to make it and your idea to walk away the minute your brother was save wasn't going to work, if you were shutting down this fast then Newt was even worse knowing that the body in front of you wasn't your Brother anymore but the Infection that caught up with him and took over his brain.

suddenly the street goes quiet and Teresa her voice comes through “thomas? can you hear me, i need you to listen to me i know you have no reason to trust me but i need you to come back, Thomas you can save Newt you can save y/n, there's still time for the Both them” you start coughing and looking at your hand you see black blood and you lift your head up al little to look at thomas you give him a silent apologie again but he just looks at the blood on your lips “there’s a reason brenda isn't sick anymore, it's your blood do you understand she isn't sick cause you cured her she doesn't have to be the only one. the only thing you have to do is come back and all of this will finally be over, please just come back to me” he looks at you and with tears in your eyes you nod “you need to go ” you tell him and he shakes his head ignoring it only wanting answers “why didn't you tell me?” He asks and you swallow the lump in your throat this was the exact reason you didn't tell him

“i couldn't, i didnt wanna say goodbye not to you”

“There's still time Minho is getting the serum” and you shake your head “That’s not the plan’ you tell him throwing it all out “Newt was supposed to make it and i was going to stay behind, going down saving you guys”. You tell him and he has tears in his eyes “You were just going get yourself killed? After everything we’ve been through”

“It’s better than letting this Stuppid Virus control me, i’m not becoming a Crank Thomas, i love you i do but i would much rather get shot out here than survive only to risk hurting the others or you” but he shakes his head not accepting it you betrayed his trust which made you no better than WICKED the only difference was that your intentions were truly only to save the people you loved “we’ll get the serum and everything Will be fine” he tells you but before you can say anything or protest a loud scream comes from behind you and you turn your head to see Newt showing getting up onto his feet, surprised he’s still there “Newt?” you both ask insinc and he slowly turns revealing him fully cranked out eyes gone black and he lashes out towards Thomas attacking him. Thomas steps aside letting Newt drop to his knees and he seems to have a second of his humanity coming through “Tommy! kill me!” he yells, turning to look at Thomas but your own mind keeps getting hazly wanting to shut down so you only see fragments of the fight in front of you. the minute you look backup holding onto your sanity you see Newt holding a knife close to thomas his chest and your own rage takes over pushing yourself onto your feet and pushing your brother off of your boyfriend and holding him down “Newt, this isn't you! Get a hold on your sanity” you try hoping he has any left but he doesn't do anything but trying to get you off and to your side you see a Gun and you use your left foot to kick against it and it slides towards Thomas and he looks between the weapon and you holding down Newt “shoot! the bullet will kill us both” you tell him in a clear moment and she shakes his head

“Thomas, it's your own life, or ours!” you yell at him but Newt gets the upper hand throwing you off him and going for the knife again heading back towards Thomas and you make a decision, with tears in your eyes and the last bit sanity you crawl towards the gun and clock it standing on your feet and aiming the gun towards your brother “Newt!” you yell and he turns his attention towards you and in that small moment you see his eyes the ones you grew up with and the ones of the big brother you love so much and he nods telling you it's okay and with that you pull the trigger the bullet going into his chest and his body dropping to the ground. you look over at thomas and he sits there next to Newts body tears covering his cheeks and your own rolling down your face knowing you just killed the one person that you promise yourself you would save “i'm sorry thomas'' you tell him lifting up the gun an you close your eyes placing your Finger on the trigger but before you can pull it Thomas slams it out of your hands “No! I’m not losing both of you” you look him in his eyes and he has a pleading look “Minho is on his way just hold on okay” he tells you through sobs and you shake your head “i'm not going to make it till then i’m tired of fighting Thomas, i just want it to stop, make it stop” you tell him trying to hold onto your sanity, you reach in your pocket and take out the small necklace and you hand it to him. “Newt’s not to only one that wrote you a letter” and he grabs it holding onto your hand “i love you” you tell him and he smiles a little through the tears “i love you too” with your own tears you take a step back and let go of his hand “if that's true and you really love me, then you'll let me do this then you let me go” he looks shocked and shakes his head protesting but you dont listen to his words “you’re going to be okay” he tries to tell you but you give him a hard enough push to make him trip and you grab the gun up from the ground and drop to your knees next to Newt his body “i’ll see you soon” you tell him before before turning to look at Thomas one last time as he gets back onto his feet but your already lifting up the gun to your head “i’ll say hi to chuck for you”

“don’t do it Please y/n!” he asks through sobs “till death do us apart”

“Wait!” Looking to the side Brenda runs forwards with the small blue file in her hand and she looks to Newt on the ground and to you holding the gun to your head but it all gave Thomas enough time to run towards you getting a Grip on the gun“Thomas! I’m gonna kill you!” You yell at him letting the last of your humanity slip away and fighting the one person you thought you never wanted to hurt “Brenda!” Thomas yells and before you know it everything in front of your eyes turns black

WICKED had taken everything from him, they made it to the safe haven but it didn't seem to matter to him. Vince's speech was what hurt most , it reminded everybody of what they lost but it also reminded them that the people they cared about sacrificed their own lives to save them. “We've come a long way together, so many have sacrificed to make this place possible. your friends, your family. so here's to the ones that couldn't be here, here's to the friends we've lost, this place is for you it's for all of us” he turns his body to point at one of the large rocks in the middle of the place “this, this is for them, so in your one time in your own way, come make your peace, and welcome to the safe haven”

The night was spent talking about memories of the lost once and the plans for the future, the plans of what was coming next and what to do with their lives Now That they were free to do what they wanted but Thomas kept away from it sitting to the side. Minho said down next to him giving him a small smile and looking over the place “this is going to be a good home for us, they would of loved it” he tells him while reaching in the pocket of his jacket and pulling out the two necklaces and hands them back to thomas “you had this one you when you passed out, figured i'd keep them safe for you” an Thomas takes Boh of he necklaces from the boy hesitantly “thanks minho'' padding his shoulder he smiles before walking away leaving Thomas alone to read the letter from Newt, followed by the one you gave him.

Dear Thomas

it’s been one hell of a ride, i know i always complained about being trapped by WICKED so this might be weird coming from me but i miss the glade, i miss waking up to frypans crappy breakfasts or watching the sunset right before the doors closed, it all seems like so long ago doesn't it we were so innocent back then. But now here we are, we lost a lot of Friends in the fight to get you all to the safe haven so you guys better make the most of it or I'm coming to haunt you all.

i want you to know that i never kept this all from you cause i didn't love you, god i loved you even more after i found out it wasn't going to last but i couldn't bring myself to tell you i know that it's probably selfish but i didn't want to spend our last few weeks maybe even days saying goodbye like everyone did with Newt, i wish i could be with you forever but i guess we weren't meant to be. Our time together was exactly like paradise but i wouldn't wanna change, i remember when you can up in that box back in the Glade everybody though you were one hell of a trouble maker and to be honest you really were, breaking the rules running into the maze but i loved every second of it, it didn't matter to me how many times you broke the rules or what stuppid or risky idea you had i would off followed it all, i did follow it i followed you, through the Maze, through the scorch and now through the last City saving Minho and getting Newt to safety. That was my plan and i know you’ll hate it but it was simple get you all save and leave myself behind to die out in the field so nobody has to know what was really happening to me it Will be easier that way. i’m not afraid of dying, i’m afraid of

Losing myself to this stuppid virus that turned me into a walking time bomb. I want you to know I don't want to let you all go but I have no other choice cause waiting for this serum isn't an option for me and even if we get there in time it would only push back the inevitable. I want you to be happy. I want you to live your life to the fullest and make me proud and take care of the other keep Minho out of trouble and make sure gally doesnt start a fight with some shank in the safe haven. i hope that in a few years from now you’ll smile and say that it was worth it cause it has been worth it to me. Now pick yourself up and finish what you started and lead the people that are there with you like I know you can. I know you’ll do what's right you always have. take care and remember that i’ll love you

thank you for being my best friend and my first love

goodbye tommy

y/n

Opening your eyes you sit straight up feeling a burning pain in your ankle and lifting the fabric you see the Veins disappeared and the bite mark was almost completely healed. Panic rushes through your body not knowing where you are and looking around you only see wooden furniture and bottles of medicine on a table to the side, throwing your feet over the edge you stand up finding your balance and walking past the curtain that closed of the little shed you were in and you look out over the ocean turning to the side you see an entire village that reminds you of the glade, making you think that heaven wasn't as bad as you though it was going to be walking forwards into the place you pass by field that are growing food, people building shelter with wood and right in front of you the dark haired Runner comes walking closer and you look over at him surprised “Minho?” You ask him hesitant and he smiles up you only to see Gally, Frypan and Brenda walking closer to you beside him “hey there Greenie, you look better” Gally tells you and you stand there shocked and there eyes go to something behind and turning around your faces with the brown haired boy you love and he looks a bit sad but there this little light of Hope in his eyes as he steps closer grabbing onto you an hugging you tight.

“I-i’m alive'' you ask hesitantly while you sit on the side with Thomas and he nods “how long have I been out?” You ask him “A week the serum took its time but you made it through” he tells you and guilt hits you immediately, your plan your brother was the one that should have been sitting there not you, your brother, you killed your brother you shot Newt,you almost shot yourself. Panic washes over you and Thomas seems to notice and he grabs your hand pulling you out of it “hey, you made it” he tells you again and tears roll down your cheeks “i wasn't supposed to”

“yeah, i know i read your letter” and you look up at him “Thomas”

“I did as you told me to, i picked myself up and i’m gonna keep going forwards, were gonna keep going forward together”

“After everything if done, you still want me?” And the boy nods lifting his hand an cupping your cheeks “i hate the plan you made to just go of and die on your own and i’m going to be angry about it for a while but right now your still alive and i’m not planning on letting you go anytime soon so you're stuck with me”

“Newt..” you say in a whisper “Newt would want you to live a happy live and not think about what happened because you can't change it” you know he’s right but it was going to take time to mourn the loss of your brother this wasn't the plan you made instead of silently slipping away after you saved your friends and your brother you are the one that got saved “you were infected you didn't think straight” he tells you

“I knew what was doing when i pulled the trigger, i knew in that moment i was shooting My own brother, the look in his eyes told me it was him in that last minute it told me it was okay” you tell him holding down the Tear's that threaten to slip again

“but i also know your right he wouldn't want me to give up so i wont, i Will wait for you to forgive me cause i wanna be with you cause your all if got left” you tell Thomas and he smiles reaching in his pocket and pulling something out of it and he hands it to you, taking it from him it reveals a little ring and you look up at him “after we got here and i saw you past out i started making it, i knew when i saw you laying right there that i never wanted to see you like that again that i wanted to be with you forever, so if you really mean that you wanna be with me than you'll say yes” you look at him shocked not knowing what to do or what to say “say yes to being with me forever, say yes to being my best friend, to being my girl, to being my wife, marry me Y/n” you nod not having the words to say it outloud and Thomas smiles sliping the ring on your Finger and holding onto your Hand and leaning forward to catch your lips with his before looking back up at you “Till death do us apart”

[sunoflegend]

abatina & rhododendron

FROM THE BOTANICAL HEADCANONS .

abatina :   is there anything in life your muse has changed their mind about over time   ( due to becoming more educated on the topic ,   certain experiences  ,   etc .) , or that they   would   change their mind about under certain circumstances ?

post IDW and over the course of it her mind has changed a lot. i mean that is pretty much the whole Thing that happens to her in it. a lot of it is deconstructing the war, as it is for mostly everyone after it i think. one thing is, oddly enough, i think she's come to care about peoples lives outside her own more. beforehand she'd become so accustomed to violence and only caring for her own survival, and her own ascent to power that she didn't really care who got in her way or who she had to kill for it. she just didn't really acknowledge them as people with fully fleshed out rich lives. they were just another number or another name that got in her way and she killed for it. after the war and she was faced with actually having a social life that didn't consist of the war and everything else she had going on in the decepticons and that habit still stuck around ( cough cough metalhawk cough cough ) she was like. shit man. it kind of sucks killing people who i didnt actually have to. that and she became responsible for the lives of literally everyone on cybertron, something she Actively tried to maintain and make sure like. didnt fall apart mostly. given it started out as not really caring for peoples lives, it started out as trying to make her reputation look good and more so a personal ego boost, it did get to her eventually! by the time til all are one rolls around, she wants to make things better for people without personal strings attached. she literally decides to die for cybertron and doesnt give a fuck if optimus gets credit for it. like it's to prove to herself she can actually do something good for other people without needing to get her ego boosted for it if that make sense. its exclusively a choice she makes for other people, to prove she can be better, and that shes changed - not to gain something in return or all that other shit.

all that to say she isn't a perfect angel now by any means. she will still threaten you will violence and use very shady methods to get what she wants. she just tries to use it when its warranted now instead of all the time. as for things you could change her mindset on, her view of the autobots is still a little... well, it lacks the amount of nuance it should. she's poured all her time into deconstructing her time in the decepticons not her view on the autobots. but i think she could be persuaded to think of them a little more highly than bootlickers if you tried.

rhododendron :   is your muse receptive to warnings   &   advice given by others ?

not really no. she fully believes she has it under control ( and she usually definitely doesnt ) . she can totally handle whatever is coming her way. she's a bit more open to listening to advice now, and she does take others opinions into account, but.. she still does have an ego. she usually thinks her plans are pretty damn good and you really have to have a compelling argument to make her believe otherwise. as for warnings? hell no. she sees red flags and warnings as a challenge rather than something to actively avoid. why do you think she pissed megatron off so much she actively poked at the bear that was basically blaring signs of " i will beat the shit out of you if you touch me with that damn stick " . not that that justifies anything that happened, but still, she DID antagonize him.

[sunoflegend-a]

[YOU ARE EASIER ON THE OPTICS THAN THE STARSCREAM OF MY UNIVERSE. SOUNDWAVE: WILL ADMIT THAT MUCH.]

.... are her audio receptors glitching or is soundwave flirting with her unprompted. okay? she'll never complain about compliments... especially of the frame variety.

"Well, I'm glad to hear you have common sense - maybe I'll give myself a few tips if I see them around.. if I don't feel like keeping all the good looks to myself. You certainly have a lot more flare than mine - I think it's rather ravishing."

[aithusar]

hiii sorry if you've answered this before but I just finished Longing of the Soul and would love to know what you had planned for the next chapters if you want to share... i took the afternoon off after some stressful news and have just been reading everything youve written and its exactly what I needed, ive been crying but in a nice way :') youre now one of my fav merlin authors for real

I am so sorry you've had bad news! I'm really glad that my fics could help in some small way and hope whatever has happened is able to resolve itself. I'm batting for you, anon <3

You know, you're actually the first person who's wanted to know what my plan for that story was. Unfortunately I didn't have any notes and my memory is a little fuzzier than it was, and I also didn't have a plan for the ending (which was a major factor in why I abandoned it) so I can't offer closure there, but the ideas I had left are below the cut. It's really long despite not having a conclusion, sorry!

It was going to be a couple more chapters before Merlin and Arthur finally saw each other again. Arthur grew much more isolated in this period because the knights and Gwen are both seeing and speaking to Merlin now, and despite Merlin always blaming himself and not Arthur, they can tell Arthur's done something. Arthur can't explain himself because that would mean revealing Merlin's magic. So he gets really lonely.

Arthur doesn't have anything against Merlin's magic, it's more inaction and inability to make decisions because of the grief of betrayal and how momentous the shock is. He's just... not really thinking about how magic is illegal at the moment and what that means for Merlin, and what it has meant for Merlin all these years. He's dealing with too much emotionally for him to devote the mental time and space to thinking about how it's affecting/is affecting Merlin (and yes, this is a bit selfish but was part of his character flaws).

Then. THEN. It's been 30 years since magic was eradicated in Camelot and the Council asks Arthur for a feast to celebrate the purge and the destruction of magic. He tries to shut it down but politically it's complicated what with Morgana waging a magical war against them and I was going to work out a few issues with some of the lords that would make it hard for him to say no outright. So he has to let something small happen, and he kinda tries to make it more about peace and ending deaths than magic, but he feels absolutely sick because it makes him really think for the first time about how Merlin has had to hide and fear for his life and could have been burnt at the stake. Mordred notices Arthur trying to shut them down.

So here Arthur is a couple of weeks later, lonely, miserable, and everyone around him is merrily celebrating the brutal and merciless slaughter of sorcerers... sorcerers just like Merlin. Arthur's still not thinking in broader terms about how the ban has been wrong and all of its consequences; he's just thinking about Merlin, can't think about anything else. How he could have died. How many times he was probably nearly discovered. Arthur gets fantastically drunk. Back in his chambers later that night, George of course tries to get Arthur ready for bed and Arthur's so upset and so angry that he's not Merlin because he misses Merlin, and he's not there because Arthur sent him away because he lied about everything. Idk if many people noticed but George in the show actually wears really similar clothes to Merlin (including a scarf) but much more neatly. And anyway, Arthur actually gets a bit violent and yells at George and tries to take the scarf off. Gwen hears shouting and puts a stop to it, sends George away with an apology and then gives Arthur a piece of her mind. I don't recall exactly what was going to be said, but she was icy and furious, and it escalated to her yelling at him for the way he's treated her (including some hints Arthur will pick up on later when he's sober that Gwen's not okay), and for the way he's treated Merlin. At some point in the conversation Arthur finds out Gwen's been seeing Merlin and then that's all he can think about, asking her how is he. She doesn't really answer him except like "how do you think, given what you've done to him". I wish I remembered how I was going to end that scene, but that thing about Merlin was the pivotal point because Arthur's drunk and sad and he wants to see Merlin, and he knows that he's around the castle.

What's Merlin been up to in the meantime? He's very busy, actually. Seeing Gwaine, occasionally speaking to Mordred (they're not friends, but he'll humour Mordred if approached), going out with Gwen. He's up on a watchtower one night having a few drinks with Gwaine, who, for the first time, presses him about what happened with Arthur. After weeks of stewing in it more or less by himself and constant suspense of what Arthur's going to do with him he's tired of it all. And despite all his friends, he's also sad and lonely. He ends up telling Gwaine he has magic, and Gwaine accepts him of course and says Arthur's a fool, but it doesn't make Merlin happy. Leaves him a bit less weighed down, but the only person he really wants that reaction from is Arthur. And he betrayed Arthur by lying, and he's still hiding the dragonlord stuff from him. My recollection of Merlin's thought process from here is fuzzy, but that basically got Merlin onto thinking about Aithusa (which is why I had Merlin go to the dragon's cave and make that iron dragon) and how he failed her, and maybe he ruined his destiny but he can still try and help Aithusa.

So Merlin reads all the books on dragons and dragonlords and their magic and everything and anything that seems remotely useful. He just leaves the books out everywhere in his chambers because he's finally feeling passionate about something and is trying to ride that wave. In the end he sort of innovates this idea himself that although his magic doesn't work on dragons, he can command them in the dragon tongue, so if he commands Aithusa to obey his magic that might work. He brushes up on his dragon anatomy, because he has to work out how to spell Aithusa right again. And he sets out to the forest and calls her, and she comes, and he sings to her, for hours, in a blend of the old religion and dragon tongue, chanting over and over to convince her flesh to change itself. He can only work on really specific parts at a time and by dawn he's only managed to reduce her brow ridge or make her skull less broad or something really small like that, but he's done it. He can make her better. He comes back to the castle feeling more purposeful and happier than he has in months, since even before he told Arthur about his magic, and he goes into his room and... Arthur's there. Looking at all of his magic books.

Although I've just spoken at length about Merlin's POV I had no plans to write any of that in Merlin's POV, or maybe one chapter with Gwaine but nothing about Aithusa and studying. It's just important to me that I always know what all my characters are up to and how and why they are thinking/feeling something at any given time because it's a crucial part of how I shape their actions and dialogue, and an enormous factor in creating the story itself. They're all protagonists in their own lives.

So, Arthur, day after the feast, while Arthur and the reader are oblivious to Merlin's vivacious social life, his rediscovered passion for dragons and Aithusa, and Gwaine knowing about his magic. He crawls up to Gaius' chambers, checks Gaius is out, and plants himself in Merlin's room to wait for him because he has to speak to him. He doesn't know what he's going to say, he's just so lonely that he's drowning in it, and also miserable that Merlin could have died, but also a bit sick at how long and how easily Merlin lied to him for. And he walks in there and there's Merlin's magic books. Everywhere. On the desk, on the floor, on the bed, in the cupboard. Bestiaries and healing manuscripts and an ancient tome with Gaius' handwriting in it, and Merlin's annotations around the edges of the spells too, and dozens of books about dragons, and even a book on necromancy (from the Lancelot shade episode). And it sort of hits him that Merlin had this entire life he didn't know about, not just that he had magic and could have been caught, but that there was this entire world there and how much of his time and life Merlin dedicated to it.

Enter Merlin. Arthur says something about all the books and how he could be caught, and Merlin's like well, if anyone sees them, what are they going to do? Tell the king? Arthur, being Arthur, doesn't take that well, because he hasn't thought about the fact that it's his fault that Merlin has to fear prosecution, and has been for the past like three/four years. (Arthur's generally really slow to connect the dots on anything that requires emotional intelligence in this fic). He's the one putting Merlin in a position where he could be killed, and he says something along the lines of how he wouldn't hurt him.

I really wish I remember how the conversation reached the important moment because I had like this whole plan with a bunch of dialogue in my head and I know it took longer to get here, but Merlin gets angry about the imbalance that's always been there where Arthur wants to be friends but is happy to use his powers as king to interfere with their relationship when it suits him. (If you're wondering how this makes sense with Arthur having referred to using his power to help Merlin, it doesn't. Like I said this used to be longer, and it had a logical sequence. There was something about Arthur saying that Merlin was his friend and he wouldn't do that to him which kind of got this started, because Merlin's like you don't treat me like a friend because friends can't usually just order the other one to leave when they don't want to see them, referring to coming back from the cauldron. idk). Arthur tries to interrupt and defend himself, and Merlin uses magic to take away his voice for a few seconds and asks how it feels when your friend uses unimaginable power to stop you from speaking when they don't want to listen. He immediately returns Arthur's voice who's sort of in shock because he hasn't seen Merlin use magic since the cauldron, and also he'd never feared Merlin at all since the discovery and he's only just considering what it would have meant if Merlin had ever turned his magic against him, and how easily he could have hurt Arthur, and he never did. Arthur asks him why he did it, all these years, why he protected Arthur.

Merlin's quiet for a moment, and Arthur asks if it's because Merlin's in love with him. Merlin's a bit startled and ashamed and says no, that came years later. He did it because of who Arthur was, but also because it was his destiny, but destiny is all messed up now. Arthur can smell that he's getting close to some explanations for the first time in weeks since Merlin revealed everything and asks Merlin what he means about destiny, and Merlin is exhausted by the reminder of how much Arthur still doesn't know and he's kept secret, and they sit and have a very long discussion about Merlin's magic and life in Camelot.

I'm sorry to say that's as far as I had gotten. Merlin and Arthur's relationship was going to continue to dip back and forth a bit, with the reveal about the dragonlord thing being a bit of a setback, then about healing Aithusa, but that conversation in Merlin's chamber was a turning point for them and they were on an upwards trajectory. Arthur wanted to understand, and the more he learnt about Merlin and everything he'd done the more he sympathised with and was humbled by Merlin, and the transparency between them and amount of time they spent together made Arthur come more to terms with his feelings for Merlin.

What I was absolutely clueless on was how to fill in Gwen's arc, and the entire thing kind of crumbles without that. I had a vague idea that maybe she could strike out and find Morgana - I put in something about her being happiest as Morgana's maid in the last chapter I wrote, I think - and that would prevent the war, because having a friend would help Morgana heal. But Morgana was insane by then, and had literally tortured Gwen. That idea would perpetuate a lot of dangerous and hurtful stereotypes around the portrayal (or lack thereof) of black people's trauma, and how their own stories are pushed aside to service other people's. Sending Gwen, of her own volition, to be with and heal a woman who has tortured her and repeatedly tried to kill her? No. I wanted to fix the mistakes the show made with her trauma, not exacerbate them. Even without doing that to her it felt like I would have to end up making her step aside too happily for the sake of a gay relationship, which is misogynistic because that's treating my female characters like they're just things in the way of letting my male characters do what I want. Like Gwen doesn't have a right to be too hurt by her husband emotionally cheating on her because it's gay rep. And it wasn't my plan to write a polyamorous relationship either. Maybe I shouldn't have written it as a merthur story, but it was far too late for that. Besides, I still wouldn't know how to handle Morgana and prevent the battle of Camlann. Something with Mordred, but what?

I hope that's helped a bit, both in regards to finding out more and also, if not being able to find out the ending, at least understanding the directions my thoughts were circling in and where they got stuck. I'm extraordinarily flattered by your opinion of my fics, and that you cared enough to want to know more - thank you so so much - and very happy they could bring you some form of comfort. Best of luck anon with the news that you received. Sending you love and good wishes <3

[kookieskiwi]

Badboy!au with the quote "Yeah, well i shut everyone out. Don't take it personally." with a bit of angst pwease 🥺🥺 but a lot of fluff hihi i'm sorry i asked for a lot 🥺🥺🥺 i wub u ✨

(I love it when people ask for a lot because it gives me more to go off of ❤️ and I wuv you too!!) (I changed the I to we since I write poly stuff and no member was specified )

-

You had one of the most amazing personalities anyone had ever seen. You were always caring, you put others before yourself and you gave second chances to everyone; even those that didn’t deserve it. That character trait of yours always got you into situations that had you blaming yourself for stupidity and too much kindness. Prehaps it wasn’t stupidity but it was the fact you saw the good in everyone rather than focusing on their personas and negative traits.

Some people called you näive, others called you gullible, you’d been called just about everything since you began high school. It was normal; there would be people who hated you, loved you and those that took advantage of you. You were accepting to everyone, you helped tutor those who needed it and you gave up your free time and time to do your own work in order to guide those who asked for help through the phone in order to be discreet.

It wasn’t until you met the Bangtan boys that you realized just how much people relied on you for help. They first came to you a year ago when finals begun to ask for help which basically involved you suming up an entire years worth of material in a week. It wasn’t easy since you had your own to study for at the same time but it also counted as a review guide for yourself. Since then they’ve come to you in secret or you’d go over to their shared house to help one or all of them review a topic.

Over the past few months you and the infamous bad boys had grown close meaning what had previously been school related meetings became a friendship with meet-ups that didn’t involve school at all. They became some of the closest friends you had in a long time giving you a sense of connection you didn’t know you needed.

That was however until you overheard one of their conversations as you were on your way to your vehicle. “She’s too close, we let her in and allowed this to go on for too long.” It was Namjoon speaking as he informed the others of their mistake. “But hyung, she hasn’t done anything to make us question her intentions,” Jungkook defended you in your absence which you were grateful for. It physically pained you to hear what they were thinking of you. It was one of those moments where you could actually feel your heart tearing apart as tears welled in your eyes. “Exactly and we aren’t sticking around to find out what they are.” Yoongi chimed in with Namjoon, defending the man who wanted you out of the picture.

You stood there leaning lifelessly against the wall contemplating whether or not to make a run for your vehicle. That option seemed like the best one to choose until you were too late. Apparently they had finished up their conversation and were exiting the classroom only to be met with you; the person who had shown them nothing but compassion and helped them. The soul who was once positive now felt that fullest depth of betrayal you had ever felt before.

“Y/n-“

“No.” You snapped as you returned from your lifeless state to look through blurry eyes at the men who stood before you. “I will not let myself be spoken about behind my back by people who I’ve shown nothing but kindness towards. I have no ill intentions with anyone of you unless wanting to be friends is such a terrible thing. I’ve done NOTHING but be help you when you needed it, not to mention I was the only one who took you all seriously because of the face you put up. So no. Don’t explain because I heard everything you had to say.” You told them trying to hold your composure together until you got home. You would not show weakness now more than ever, sure the tears showed it pretty well but you wanted to scream and yell at their ignorance.

Without another word you walked out of the hallway and entered your car followed by a slam of the door shut before you exited the campus. On the way to the condo which your guardians bought so you had a safe place to stay while getting an education, you broke down completely. It hurt more than you thought it would, of course you were stupid to catch a slight case of feelings for seven different guys who happened to be dating each other (a secret you came you find out when you got closer to them, they made sure no one on the outside knew) but that didn’t stop your battered heart from skipping a beat every time they smiled or laughed.

When you did arrive home you went to unlock the door with shaky hands and after multiple times of missing the keyhole you finally unlocked it. Dropping your bags you shut and locked the door behind you, taking a second before sliding down it in utter distress.

-

The next day you skipped classes all together; something you rarely did unless you were ill even then, that was only because you didn’t want to get anyone else sick. You had a headache from crying all night, your nose was stuffy, eyes puffy and red and to sum it all up: you felt like shit.

You spent the day moping around at the loss of a friendship. When classes let out you weren’t expecting anything from the boys however you received a text message stating one simple thing.

Taehyungie: Come over please.

There were no emojis, no use of a nickname....nothing, which must’ve meant this was important. So, against your minds wishes your heart dragged you to their home with heavy feet. You looked horrible and felt it too, but here you were yet again, putting others before yourself.

You didn’t even have to knock before the door was flying open followed by both Jimin and Jungkook hugging you tightly as you just stood there too tired mentally to do anything back. You were confused and they could tell so they backed off allowing you inside. You were guided to the couch where you sat hugging the arm trying to be as far away from any of them.

“Y/n, please let us explain.” Jin began hoping for you to look up at any of them but you kept your tired eyes locked on the empty space in front of you. “We have a reputation we must keep up, we can’t seem weak or things will be different for all of us.” Hoseok stated in an easy tone trying to stay calm even though he had the urge to run up to you and hug you. “Letting people in isn’t weak, it’s called being human.” You argued in a monotone still not looking anyone in the eyes.

“Yeah, well we shut everyone out. Don’t take it personally.” Yoongi spoke defensively making you absentmindedly flinch at the harsh tone in his voice. “How am I not supposed to take it personally!? You have no reason to shut me out and I’ve given you every reason to let me in!” You begun standing up and finally looking at the men who wore shocked expressions at your tone. “I don’t know what any of you have been through but I promise you this isn’t the way to live your lives. Let me in, let me show you not everyone has bad intentions with you. Let ME be the one to change your mindset. Because damnit I’m tired of being thrown out when I do nothing but help.” Your voice wavered at the end of your sentence making you curse yourself.

“Let me in because I’ve shown everything I am to you.” You whispered as a single tear rolled down your cheek but you were quick to swipe it away. “Let me in because I love you all.”

“You what-“ Jimin gasped standing up in surprise as did the others. “I know- I know it’s stupid and you’ll probably think it’s a schoolgirl crush, b-but over the past few months when I’ve gotten to know you for you and not the bad boys everyone else knows you as...I fell. Fast and hard. Which is why I’ve been so upset over what you said because I KNOW you will be fine without me, I KNOW you can move on and shut people out like you do but I don’t want to be shut out like everyone else.” You explained giving up at wiping the tears which just kept falling at this point. It was hard admitting your feelings especially at this time but this was either the making or breaking point if everything so why not?

“If it wasn’t for you, we’d be so lost right now y/n.” Namjoon begun taking one step towards you as you remained still. “We’ve all been thinking about you a lot lately.” Yoongi stated from beside you where you didn’t know he was until then. “You are a wonderful person, never forget that.” Taehyung said making you think this was goodbye. “You deserve someone who values you.” Jin whispered softly behind you as more tears filled your eyes. This couldn’t be it, not goodbye. “Someone who will kiss away all of your pain and scars.” Jungkook said stepping forward as well. “You know the hardest part about finding someone you love but being apart even though you have six others? It’s the endless nights awake knowing that the missing piece that completes us is right in front of us but we are too afraid to take that leap of faith fearing that we’ll be rejected.” Jimin stated grasping onto Yoongi’s hand to squeeze it. “Y/n, we’ve made a complete fool of ourselves that past day because we aren’t the people who we want to be. We are so sorry little one, so sorry and no amount of verbal apologies will show it until our actions change.” Hoseok said motioning to the other men who were gazing at you with something you couldn’t identify.

Your mind was going a million miles an hour at this point. Why where they saying this? Surely they couldn’t mean you...could they?

“You deserve someone who will treat you with the most respect, give you all the love and happiness you deserve and protect your kind heart. If you’ll let us, we’d like to be those men.” Taehyung said grabbing your hands which had been fiddling with the hem of your sweater. You looked at them with the most innocent, pure eyes they had ever seen, you were in total shock at what they had asked. When it sunk it you chocked on a sob. This wasn’t goodbye, it wouldn’t be the end.

“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.” You said in a mix of laughter and sobs before running into Taehyung’s chest to wrap your arms around him tightly. The others followed your suit as you all began to express the feelings you had kept up for so long.

-

“‘Us’ I like the sound of that, don’t you?” You said as you laid cuddled into Yoongi’s chest while everyone was spread amongst the couches. You weren’t aware of what had slipped off your tongue until Yoongi was putting his hand over his heart saying ‘Ahh too cute’ while squeezing his eyes closed.

“I love the sound of us.”

-

As always..any further ideas or chapters you want from a Drabble can be requested and I’ll more than happily do them! Part 2 or another Drabble with a quote relating to this one if requested!! With bunches of love -Kiwi (KookiesKiwi)

[kiwiimmellon134]

ONE LAST TIME

(not my gif!)

summary — in which the resistance’s best fights try and recruit one of the galaxy’s deadliest creature resulting in an unwanted reunion.

word count — 2k words

paring(s) — vampire hunter!poe dameron x fem!vampire!reader

warning(s) — blood, violence, and angst

notes — this vampire au is heavily based on the vampire diaries so this is gonna follow a lot of the supernatural lore of the show. and my first fic on this app, be gentle

Being a vampire wasn’t exactly your cup of tea when it first happened. But the longer you were a vampire, the more you got used to it and the more you embraced it. You were turned by Emperor Palptine himself, the first vampire.

You were the granddaughter of a Sith Lord and it was why Palpatine turned you in the first place. You were a member of the Original Bloodline, the first line of vampires.

The Sith vampires became power hungry and started a war that lasted one thousand years, and is still being fought till now. It began with the Empire, led by your grandmother and Anakin Skywalker.

But then, Luke Skywalker destroyed the Empire’s weapon, seemingly ending the war. Until the First Order rose under you and Kylo Ren.

The First Order had allies among the vampire species. They made sure to make allies with the most deadly creatures in the galaxy. Although, the Resistance had an alliance with the werewolves. Meanwhile, the witches were neutral. The playing field was even since a werewolf bite was toxin and dangerous to vampires.

You had left the First Order a while ago. You finally saw the evils the First Order was doing and left. You snuck away in the middle of the night. You were an ally the Resistance wanted.

General Leia Organa sent her best vampire hunter, Poe Dameron, and his two closest friends, Finn and Rey, to find a new ally for the Resistance. They ended up on a planet named Vela, in hopes of finding this new ally.

"Where did Leia say to search?" Rey asked as the trio walked down the street that was suspiciously empty.

"Here," Poe said, leading them to a bar. Poe, Finn, and Rey entered the bar and were met with a bloody dead body. "Gross," Finn said softly.

They turned into the main room of the bar and saw the horror that waited for them. Blood splattered on the walls and floor, bodies were scattered along the bar and there were some dismembered limbs as well.

Poe looked over at the broomstick resting against the wall. Poe snapped a piece of the broomstick off to make a stake. He only knew about one creature that could create this kind of mess.

Rey swallowed down the distaste in her mouth and felt sick to her stomach. "Holy shit," Rey whispered.

There, in the center of it all, was you, feeding on a dead body with her back facing the trio. You released the man's neck with a snarl and the man's head fell onto the ground with a disgusting thud. You turned around with blood-red eyes and grey veins trickling down from your eyes.

Your mouth and chin were covered in blood. "You've got to be kidding me," Poe commented.

Your eyes turned back to normal and she sighed. "You've got to be kidding me." You said. "Haven't seen you around here in a long time," You added.

"Been busy," Poe answered.

"You know her?" Finn asked.

"I dated her." Finn and Rey turned their heads to look at him, "You what?" Rey asked.

"It's a long story," Poe replied. "It was your typical forbidden romance," You interjected, "Vampire," You pointed to yourself, "Vampire hunter." You pointed to Poe.

"And don't forget the fact you're a manipulative bitch," Poe added.

"Ouch," You put her hand over her heart, "Did my betrayal hurt you that much?"

You met Poe when you were still with the First Order. You found out he was a vampire hunter not long after you met and you came clean about being a vampire to him.

You both tried to make it work. You really did. But you came from opposite sides of the war. Kylo found out about your relationship with him and gave you a choice.

You chose the First Order, which broke your heart but you wanted to stay on the First Order’s good side.

"Okay, who is she?" Rey asked softly.

You introduced yourself to them, "And I come from the Original bloodline. And I'm a Ripper." You explained, "You know what that means?"

When you were met with silence, you answered your own question. "It means I literally can't stop feeding until I tear your head off," You explained, your eyes slowly shifting back to red.

Rey and Finn slowly moved behind Poe since he was the only one relaxed in this situation. "I need to talk to her alone," Poe whispered back to his two friends.

"What?" Finn asked, "Did you not hear what she just said? She will kill you."

"She can't kill me even if she wanted to," Poe replied. He looked at you with a small smirk, "Not unless she wants to deal with me for the rest of her life."

"Don't remind me," You rolled her eyes.

"Let's just say I have supernatural immunity. Go wait outside. This won't take long." Poe said. Rey and Finn hesitantly nodded and left the bar. They were glad to get out of the bar though, it smelt ridiculously bad.

"And what exactly are you planning on doing with that?" You asked, looking down at the stake in his hand, "You think you can kill me? I'm two hundred years older than you."

"I can take you."

You laughed softly, shaking her head slightly. "When did you turn it off? Your humanity?" Poe asked. He knew you wouldn't do it unless you didn't care, if you didn't feel.

"Two years ago." You answered, "I just need to get on human blood. Get off of that rabbit diet my uncle put me on and get back to my roots." Poe glanced down at the floor for a quick moment. Two years ago? You broke up two years ago. Poe looked back up at you.

"General Leia thinks you'll make a good ally to the Resistance. I don't know why since you're the same selfish vampire I've always known." There was a time when Poe really believed you could do good. That you weren’t the same as your family that was currently trying to take over the galaxy.

Just like there was a time where you believed you could change. You wanted to change. For him.

Your face fell for a moment. Just a quick moment as you processed his words. Then, your face hardened again and you replied, "Fucking hell, I lie to you once and you won't let me live it down."

"You could've killed me," Poe argued.

"Yeah, well, I didn't. You know that stupid curse got in the way. Believe me, if the curse didn't exist, I would've torn you apart... And you know it." The Hunter's curse was the only thing stopping vampires such as you from killing hunters like Poe.

If a vampire killed a hunter, the spirit of the hunter would torment the vampire relentlessly for the end of time. Or if the vampire drove a stake through their own heart.

You wiped her chin with the back of your hand and sighed softly. "So, why are you here?" You asked, "You miss me?" You smirked.

"No, I don't," Poe replied, "The Resistance needs your help. We're just asking for some assistance. Then, once the war is over, you can go back to murdering people aimlessly."

"I'm not gonna help you. I like my little neutral alliance. It's... strangely peaceful. I get to kill whoever I want without caring if they're on your side of the First Order's side. And it's not like anyone could come after me. I'm a Sith vampire. I have as much supernatural immunity as you." You rambled.

You took a couple of steps closer to Poe and looked down at his neck, hearing his heartbeat.

You looked up into his eyes and licked your lips.

"Yeah... Thing is... I'm not necessarily asking." Poe said softly. Before you could process what he said, Poe grabbed your throat and slammed your back on a tabletop, holding you down by your neck. He brought up his other hand and stabbed the stake in your chest, causing you to yell in pain.

"Two more inches and I pierce your heart," Poe said, twisting the stake slightly in his hand. You groaned in pain. "So what's it gonna be?" Poe asked.

"God, you're hot..." You whispered softly. You put your hand on his wrist causing his hand to tighten ever so slightly around your throat. "When did you get so hot...?" Poe slowly drove the stake further in her chest, you winced in pain.

"Don't flirt with me."

Your eyes flicked down to the stake and back up at Poe. "You wouldn't..." You argued, "If you did, my entire bloodline would come after you."

"Not like they could kill me," Poe retorted.

"You think the curse is gonna stop them?" You asked, wincing in pain again, "You fuck with one of the Originals and the others will kill you. Curse or not. Besides... You care about me too much to kill me."

Poe leaned down and whispered in your ear, "I couldn't care less about you. Gotta be honest, I might even hate you. So, it looks like our little love story ends here."

You tightened your grip on his wrist and twisted it, pulling his hand off of your neck and a loud snap echoed through the bar. Poe shouted in pain, which alerted Rey and Finn outside, and you kicked him off of her. You pulled the stake out of your heart and got off of the table, the wound already healing.

You grabbed his throat, like what he did to you, and stabbed the stake in his gut, expertly missing everything important. "You hate me?" You asked as Poe groaned from the pain, "That sounds like the beginning of a love story, Poe. Not the end of one." You heard the bar doors open and the footsteps of Rey and Finn coming.

You let go of Poe and used her vampire speed to leave the room before Rey and Finn came into the bar. "Poe!" Finn shouted as he and Rey rushed to Poe's side.

"She doesn't want to help," Poe winced.

"We noticed." Rey retorted.

Poe was fine after a long period of rest. You disappeared again, flying under the First Order's and the Resistance's radar. But Poe's seen the messes she left behind, the amount of people you killed made Poe second guess his belief that you could be good.

The war ended after many more months of fighting. The Resistance didn't need your help to win, but you still would've been a powerful enemy against the First Order. A lot of the vampires went into hiding and the galaxy finally felt peace.

Currently, Poe was back on Yavin IV, his home planet, tending to his x-wing with BB-8 beside him. BB-8 let out an alarmed beep, making Poe turn around. Lingering in the shadows was a figure Poe knew all too well.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked. You stepped out from the overhead shadow and into the light, "I heard the war's over." Poe looked at BB-8, not saying anything. BB-8 turned and rolled away from you two.

"What do you want?" Poe asked.

"I wanted to see you," You replied. "I've been thinking about—"

"—Save it. I don't want to play your games." Poe interrupted.

"Us," You finished her sentence anyways, "I've been thinking about us."

"There is no more 'us'. Not after everything." Poe pointed at you and took one large stride closer to you, "You did this to us."

"And you're right. I know what I did..." You trailed off. Poe could hear the softness in your voice, something was different from the last time they spoke in that bar. "I just... I'm sorry." You spoke softly.

"You turned your humanity back on, didn't you?" Poe asked.

"And I'm off human blood," You continued, "I stopped killing." Poe knew that statement was true, the killings dropped immensely toward the end of the war. You did stop killing.

"Just... Give me another chance. Don't give up on me... please." You pleaded.

"Tell me you didn't come here with the expectation that I would take you back just because you can feel emotions again." You frowned and glanced down.

"I just wanted to see you," You replied, "One last time..." You whispered.

"What does that mean?" Poe questioned.

"I'm..." You trailed off, stumbling slightly because your knees gave out from under you. Poe quickly threw out his arms and caught you before you could hit the ground.

"What’s going on?" Poe asked.

"Some werewolves jumped me a couple days ago..." You explained softly. You grabbed your jacket sleeve and slowly rolled it up your forearm, exposing the infected bite. Poe stared down at the bite mark, shocked.

"Heh... I'm dying..." You chuckled lightly, smiling weakly. Poe reached down and picked up your legs, carrying you bridal style.

"What're you—"

"—Shh."

Poe carried you back to his house and laid you down on his couch in the living room. Poe crouched down beside you and you shifted, getting comfortable.

"Poe..." You muttered.

"Just relax," Poe replied. Poe gently reached up and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"I know... You hate me," You began softly, "And that's fine. But I..." You gently put your hand on his cheek, "I love you, Poe. I always have."

He mumbled your name, then used his hand to lower yours.

"What I felt was real... And I hope what you felt was real too... I just want to ask you one thing." You continued.

"What is it?" Poe asked softly.

"You know no vampire has survived a werewolf bite. And you know how painful a bite is in its final stages... I just want you to..." You stopped, taking deep breaths.

"You're asking me to kill you?" Poe asked.

"You didn't seem to have a problem with it at the bar..." You replied, "Please... I wouldn't have it any other way." Poe looked down in deep thought.

"There's no way around this. I'm not gonna live..." You laughed slightly, trying to lighten the mood, "This... This is where our love story ends." Despite the weak smile on your face, tears escaped your eyes.

Poe felt tears prick his eyes, "What about your family?"

"I don't even know where they are..." You answered. "Just do this one thing for me..."

Poe remained silent and stood up. "I'll be right back. Try and rest," He said softly. Poe walked away from you, thinking about his options.

He didn't have many. Let you suffer from the werewolf bite or... just put you out of her misery now. There was no cure for a werewolf bite. You were going to die.

Poe entered his room, feeling a heavy weight on his heart. He didn't want to admit it out loud but he did care about her. Deep down. He did.

Poe pulled out a duffle bag from underneath his bed and unzipped it. He reached inside and pulled out a stake. Poe exited his room and headed back toward you.

Poe gently lifted up your upper body and slipped on the couch under you, resting you back on his chest, putting the stake on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Hey," Poe said softly, "I'm here. Just breathe."

You slowly looked up at him, "I can't believe I'm about to die with the entire galaxy thinking I'm a monster... Including you," You said.

"You're not a monster. I spent a long time blaming you for what happened between us. I'm sorry. You deserve peace." Poe said, his voice shaking slightly. Your gaze fell and she saw the stake sitting on the table

"Look at me," Poe mumbled, grabbing your chin and turning your head back up to him.

"Careful. I might think you actually care about me." You joked, your breaths getting shallower and shallower.

"Maybe I do." Poe replied, keeping his voice quiet and soft. Poe moved his hand to grab the stake from the table. Your eyes followed his movements.

"Hey, look at me," Poe said, seeing you look away. You gazed back up at him, "Just keep your eyes on me, yeah? Just look at me. Nothing else." You nodded again.

Poe brought the tip of the stake to your chest with shaky hands and then felt your hand on his, telling him that it's okay. "Don't forget me, okay?" You asked softly.

"I won't..." Poe answered, "I'll never forget you." Poe said softly, tears building in his eyes.

You nodded, tears falling down your face. You could feel him moving his hand back. "Wait," You whispered, using your hand to stop his hand, "Tell me you love me... Even if it's a lie. Please..."

"I love you." Poe replied with a shaky tone. Those words brought you a strange sense of peace. You finally felt peace. You leaned your head against his chest and closed your eyes. Poe pulled his hand back slightly and then stabbed your heart.

You gasped and Poe finally let the tears fall. Poe rested his chin on top of your head. Poe looked down and watched your body turn a dark grey color. You were desiccating. You were dead.

Poe sighed defeatedly and planted a kiss on top of your head. "I love you." Poe repeated quietly.

my one tag lol : @damndamer0n

[nothingbutfangirlsmut]

The Trials of Emi

Pairing: A little Minho. A sprinkle of Frypan. Gally x Emi(OC)

Summary: Emi, her twin brother Thomas, and a small group of gladers had been rescued and taken to a safe haven. Or so it seemed. It doesn't take long for Thomas to realize something is wrong. What happens next is a true trial for all of them but Emi's trials began the moment she was ripped away from a dying Gally. Watching someone you love die right before your eyes truly takes a toll.

Finally meeting the right arm could have been the end but betrayal leads to even more chaos and loss. A new mission to rescue those taken from them leads them to a city. The last city. After Emi finally comes to terms with everything that's happened something unfolds that changes everything again. She will have to not only deal with helping her brother take down WCKD and save their friend but also deal with all the new problems in her head and her heart.

Rating: As of right now it’s at most PG13. Some strong language that’s about it but it could change.

(This is the 2nd part/book to my other story "The Maze trials: A Gally Fanfiction". This will cover the events of the scorch trails and the death cure.)

Chapter Eighteen

Gally opened the door so we could walk back out to the others. Just as he stepped out the door I grabbed his hand. I saw the smile spread on his face as he walked back out to the group with his hand in mine. My eyes met Fry's immediately. He smiled as he looked down at our hands. To my surprise Gally walked straight over to Fry. Gally extended his hand to the other boy.

"Thank you Fry" he said as they shook hands.

Fry raised a brow at him.

"For taking care of her. For being there for her. For everything." Gally said as he let go of Fry's hand.

Fry nodded. The sound of footsteps had me turning around. Thomas and Newt stepped off the stairs. Thomas had his arm tightly around the blonde boy. Something was wrong. I could see it in both their faces.

"I'm in" Thomas told Gally as the two boys stopped in front of us.

I pulled my hand from Gally so I could step over to Newt. I grabbed his face making him look up at me.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I searched his eyes.

He gave me a small sad smile. He stepped back then slowly pulled the sleeve of his jacket up. What I saw made my heart plummet to the floor. He's infected. He's sick.

"No" I whispered as I grabbed his arm.

"Don't worry about me love. I'm good. It's fine." Newt said softly.

I hugged him tightly. We can find something. Thomas' blood helped Brenda. It can do the same for Newt.

"Are you ready?" Gally asked from behind me.

I turned to see him talking to Thomas. My brother nodded then stepped back over to Newt. He pulled the blonde away from me. He hugged him tightly then placed his hands on both sides of Newt's face.

"We'll get you better I promise." Thomas whispered.

"Tommy, stop making all these promises." Newt whispered with a small smile.

Thomas chuckled softly then pressed his lips to Newt's. I couldn't help but smile at the sight. I had never seen them kiss before but everything both of them felt was clear to everyone.

"Ok, I'm ready." Thomas said as he stepped away from Newt.

"Hey" I said pulling Gally back by his hand.

He turned to face me. I grabbed his shirt to pull him closer.

"You be careful out there and keep an eye on my brother for me please." I told him softly.

"You got it" he smiled down at me.

He placed a soft kissed to my temple then jogged away to catch up with Thomas who was already in the other room.

"You two are getting along great I see." Newt smiled as he came to stand next to me.

"Yea" I smiled.

I grabbed Newt's arm that showed the infection spreading through his veins. I softly ran my fingers over it. Newt sighed then pulled his arm from me. He shoved the sleeve of his jacket back down to hide his arm.

"I'm fine Emi. Seriously, don't worry about it." He said then patted my cheek.

How can I not worry? Newt had been my best friend for years now. Granted we haven't been as close recently due to him and Thomas and everything else going on but that doesn't change a thing. The people in this room and the two idiots that just left are my family. I'd lost and gained family and from this point on I was more than determined not to loose anymore. Now that I've gained so much back I can't loose anything else. I'll burn WCKD and every supporter they have to the ground if I have to. I'll do whatever it takes.

"So, this Gally guy was the one you told us about?" Jorge asked stepping over to me.

"Yea, that's him" I said with a smile.

After a few minutes of sitting the group decided to wait in the room Gally and Thomas had left through. We sat around the table silently waiting for their return. The moment I heard the metal cover shift I knew they were back. Fry and I ran over to the cover to help move it. Thomas was the first one out. Next was Teresa with a bag over her head. Both Gally and Thomas were helping her climb up. As soon as Gally replaced the cover he grabbed Teresa then roughly shoved her down into a chair. Thomas sat in a seat next to the table beside Newt. Gally pulled the bag off of Teresa's head then walked over to the table to lean against it. I stood between my brother and Gally. Teresa took a moment to look around the room at each face that was staring at her until she landed on Gally.

"Gally?" She questioned in surprise.

He sighed as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Here's how this is gonna go. We're gonna ask you some questions, and you're gonna tell us exactly what we need to know. If you don't, Emi is more than happy to make you. We'll start off simple. Where's Minho?" Gally asked as he stared Teresa down.

Teresa immediately turned to Thomas.

"You guys don't seriously think-" She started to say.

Gally grabbed a chair then slammed it down in front of her. He sat down in it blocking her view of Thomas.

"Don't look at him. Why are you looking at him? Look at me. He's not gonna help you. Now, we know you have Minho in the building. Where?" Gally asked radiating the most command I've ever seen from him.

I couldn't lie it was pretty hot to see him like this.

"He's with the others in holding. Sublevel three." Teresa said quietly.

"How many others?" Newt asked.

"28" Teresa said simply.

We all turned to look at Brenda. She was over our transportation to get out of there.

"I can make that work." She said with a shrug.

"No. No, you guys don't understand. The whole level's restricted. You can't get in without a thumbprint ID." Teresa explained.

All we need is a thumbprint? Well, I could handle that quick and easy.

"That's why you're gonna come with us." Thomas said.

"Well, I don't know. We don't necessarily need her." Gally said as he stood from the chair.

"Right?" He asked as he walked over to the table beside me.

"Not all of her." He said as he grabbed the small knife from the table.

I smiled at his action. Oh yes, please, cut that bitch.

"We just need her finger." Gally said as he turned back to face Teresa.

"Gally back off." Thomas said softly but sternly.

I turned to look at Thomas in utter disbelief. Is he seriously still going to protect her?

"What, are you squeamish? I guarantee you she's done a lot worse to Minho." Gally said angrily.

"I agree. I want to see her bleed." I said with a smile as I glared at her.

"That's not the plan. Back off. Both of you." Thomas said as he stood from his seat.

"It won't make a difference. Do whatever you want to me. You still won't get through the front door. The sensors will pick you up." Teresa said harshly.

"We know. We're tagged. Property of WCKD. You're gonna help us with that too." Thomas said as he held the small knife out to her.

Newt was the first to get his tracker cut out. After him was Fry. When he was done I took the seat in front of Teresa for my turn. The boys were sitting around the table several feet away.

"This will sting a bit." She told me quietly.

"Just get it done." I snapped at her.

She was right. It did sting a bit but at this point the pain didn't bother me. I'd had worse.

"So, Gally's alive." She said quietly as she worked on pulling the tracker out.

"We're not doing small talk." I told her.

She sighed.

"I'm sure you probably hate me but I need you and the others to understand why I did what I did." She said.

I chuckled dryly.

"I do hate you. There's no probably about it. You're a pathetic traitorous bitch. If it was up to me I'd take your fingers to use then put your head on a spike right outside the front door of WCKD just to say hello to your best friend Ava. I don't give two shits why you did it. All that matters is you did it. You chose WCKD over your friends. Over your family." I explained darkly.

I wanted to get my point across but keep myself calm at the same time. It was easier said then done.

"You're done" she whispered.

I was immediately on my feet walking back to the table. Gally stood from his seat as I walked over to him. It was his turn now. He handed my a white cloth then walked over to Teresa. I held the cloth against the back of my neck as I sat down.

As soon as Gally was done Thomas took his place. I stood up to give Gally his seat back. When he sat down he pulled me to sit on his lap.

"She enjoyed that." Gally grumbled as he tossed his bloody cloth onto the table.

"You're probably right." Fry chuckled.

—