You're his ex, but he's desperate for a babysitter. (pt. 4)
Mike Schmidt x fem reader
2.4k words + 300 word epilogue
Tags: 18+, mike x fem reader, no use of y/n, exes, enemies to lovers, slowburn? sassy mike, sassy reader, pet names, banter, angst, fluff, comfort, happy ending.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
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Mike sits at his kitchen table, trying not to nod off into his cereal. Today is a quiet day. A lazy day. His one day off.
Except, not really. There's always work to be done. He just has to figure out what today's work would be. He's caught up on laundry and dishes, the house isn't too much of a mess... Hm. Maybe he should finally fix the dripping pipe in the bathroom. Or the living room window that's been stuck for years. Or one of the million other things wrong with his house.
He sighs and goes to take a bite of his cereal, only to realize he forgot the milk. Damn it. When he opens the fridge, he stands face to face with a little blue dolphin stuffed animal. Right... Abby's still testing him. He leaves it alone, she'll see it when she gets home from school and assume her "spell" still works. Pfft.
Mike nearly drops the milk mid-pour when he hears the phone ring.
*click.*
"Hello?" He mumbles groggily, a little annoyed to have his morning brooding interrupted.
"Hey, Mike? You free at all today?"
He immediately perks up at the sound of your voice. It's been two days since he last saw you, and he honestly wasn't sure if you'd ever speak to him again.
"Yeah, uh... It's my day off, actually."
"Good. I'm using that 2nd favor."
Mike's heart races. If this favor is going to be anything like the last one, he was definitely up for it.
"Oh? Missing me already, sweetheart?"
"As if. I need you to build me a shelf."
A shelf? Well, that was unexpected. Hm. Better than nothing.
"What, like build it from scratch? Are you expecting me to buy the boards, or-"
"No. I have all the pieces. It just needs to be assembled."
"You can't assemble a shelf?" Mike scoffs, but secretly he's pleased. Sounds like you just want an excuse to have him over.
"Mike. You know I'm no good with tools."
No, he didn't know that actually. Liar. You definitely just wanted to see him again. God, he felt giddy.
"Mhm. Sure."
"Just get your ass over here, Schmidt."
"Woah, what's with the attitude, Princess? I'm here to help." He can't help but let some smugness seep into his tone. Okay, more than some. He's a cocky bastard and he knows it.
"I've been working on the damn thing all morning. Almost three hours now. Not in the mood, jackass."
Shit. You sounded sincere. And really pissed off. Then again, what kind of a shelf took three hours to assemble? The fuck was it? A jigsaw puzzle?
"Alright, alright. I'll be over soon. See ya."
Mike slumps against the counter as you grumble something incoherent and slam the phone down. Damn, what is he getting himself into this time?
Only one way to find out.
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When Mike finally arrives at your apartment half an hour later, he feels a bit silly. He put on a nice shirt and trousers to come see you, and here you are in sweats and a baggy t-shirt. Figures.
"Call for a handyman?" He greets you with a teasing smile, holding up his old rusted toolbox as he makes his way inside.
"Pfft. Someone's happy to see me."
Mike can't really say anything to that, so he doesn't try. He is happy to see you, even if you have attitude problems and dress like a bum.
"So, I bought the damn thing from a friend-of-a-friend, who got it at a garage sale. I swear, it has to be missing some parts or something, because-"
He nods as you rattle on and lead him to your bedroom, but he's only half-listening. He looks around your apartment, taking it all in. It's been at least six months since he last came over, probably longer. It doesn't look to have changed much. He likes your apartment. It's cozy.
"Anyways... can you fix it?"
Mike pauses in the doorway of your bedroom as you give him a sheepish smile and gesture to something in the corner.
Holy hell. Is that supposed to be a shelf? Mike can't help but think that the hideous agglomeration of boards and screws would only be good as a fire-starter. It looks more like a pile than a shelf.
"Uhh..." He bites his cheek, desperately trying not to burst into a fit of laughter. Maybe you really weren't lying about the whole "no good with tools" thing.
He finally loses it when you groan and flop down on the bed, hiding your face in a pillow.
"Ughh... Laugh at me, whatever. Just fix it."
"Jesus Christ. This has to be the sorriest excuse for a shelf I've ever seen. Sure you don't want me to haul it to the junkyard instead?" He snorts, sitting down on the edge of your bed and looking with disdain at the half-assedly assembled shelf.
Mike immediately shuts his mouth when you glare at him. Oops, right, you're in a bad mood.
"I mean, uh... you tried?" He laughs, shaking his head in amusement. He still can't believe you're actually this inept when it comes to assembly.
"Get to work, Schmidt."
Mike yelps as you kick him off the bed, but doesn't bother retaliating. He just grabs his toolbox and sits on the floor, examining the so-called "shelf".
"Well, the first step is going to be un-doing everything you did."
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You lie on your stomach in bed, chin propped up on your hands as you kick your feet in the air and ponder the sight before you. Mike's back is turned to you as he quietly works away taking apart the monstrosity you assembled.
"How long is this gonna take?"
"Well, If it wasn't so..." He trails off, glancing at you and choosing his words more carefully.
"...sturdy, it'd be a lot easier to take apart."
"Hm? What do you mean?"
He gives you an incredulous look and gestures to a series of nails in a corner where two boards meet. It does look pretty ridiculous, the sharp ends pointing out the other side. Not your best work.
"You put nails in it, sweetheart." He scoffs.
"How else was I supposed to keep it together?" You give him your best pout, and gloat internally when he has to turn away. He's absolutely infatuated with you. Even the back of his neck is pink.
"It comes with screws for a reason, ya know."
"There's a difference?"
He turns and gives you a flat look, and you laugh. Damn. You can play dumb with him, but maybe not that dumb. Noted.
Still, it's a little boring just laying there and watching him grumble and pull nails from wood. You can't really mess with him too much either, because you really do what him to fix the stupid shelf.
"You want something to drink?" You finally break the silence, under the guise of trying to be a good hostess.
"Pfft. Need some whiskey to deal with this bullshit." He snorts, pulling yet another nail free. He'd almost gotten one board off. One. This was gonna take a while.
"I was thinking more along the lines of soda or tea."
"Jack and Coke, then?"
"Mike. It's hardly past noon."
"So?" He scoffs. "For me, this is like... evening, or something. I dunno. Sleep schedule's fucked with this new job."
That answer makes you pause.
"What is it you do now, anyway?"
He groans, finally prying one of the boards free of the clusterfuck.
"Night guard. Told you already, remember?" He tries to shrug the question off, but you're nosy.
"Where?"
"Uhh... Freddy Fazbear's Pizza..."
"Speak up."
"Ugh. It's this stupid rundown hellhole pizzeria. Honestly dunno why anyone would wanna break in there anyways. It's a dump."
"What kind of a pizzeria needs a night guard? Or any guard?"
"The haunted kind."
You decide not to ask about that, simply shaking your head as you walk to the door. He's truly a loon. A loveable loon, unfortunately.
"Just tell me what you want to drink, Mikey, or I'm getting you water."
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Mike sits on the floor of your bedroom sipping his glass of water and wondering how he got here. If you'd told him a week ago he'd be building his witch of an ex-girlfriend a shelf, he would've gagged. Now...? Well, he just wants to go join you on that bed.
"So are you really just gonna sit there and look pretty while I do all the work?"
"Aww, you think I'm pretty, Mikey? You smile, lying on the bed with your feet kicking in the air, giving him a look of pure adoration. It wasn't hard to do.
"Pretty annoying, yeah." He turns away with a scoff, returning to his work. If only he could get this stupid nail untangled from the other two... why would anyone use this many nails?
"You know, I think I liked you better gagged."
"Oh I know, sweetheart. I could see it in those evil eyes of yours." He can't help but smirk a bit at the comment, though. Sometimes he liked himself better gagged, too. He shakes the thought away and keeps working.
"Why can't you just get on hands and knees and beg me to take you back already?" You huff dramatically and roll over onto your back, letting your head fall over the edge of the bed. He looks silly from this angle. Upside-down.
That question nearly makes Mike drop his tools. Were you serious?
"Why? So you can laugh me off again?"
Ouch. It was true you'd turned him down the last time he'd tried it, but that was six months ago.
"Maybe if you used those big brown puppy eyes of yours on me."
That only earns you a grunt, so you verbally prod him again.
"Besides, why can't I do both? Laugh at you, then take you back? Sounds fun."
"Pfft. Fun? To toy with me? You'd probably break up with me all over again just for shits and giggles." He responds bitterly, still refusing to turn around.
"Mikey. Look at me." You roll back over onto your stomach and rest your chin in your hands as he slowly meets your gaze.
"I didn't break up with you just for shits and giggles. You know that. I'm not letting you sit there and wallow in self-pity."
Mike goes stiff from your words, but your tone is soft, and your eyes even softer. You're still giving him that adoring look. Damn it.
"Well maybe I'd rather wallow in self pity than admit you were right all along."
"You've had six months to wallow. Grow a pair and come kiss me."
He can't say no to that. Not when you look at him that way. He shuffles over, kneeling by the side of your bed. On his knees for you again, damnit.
You kiss him. It's different from the lustful, sloppy kiss you shared last time. This one makes you feel warm. You kiss him again. And again.
Mike really doesn't want this to end, but the knot in his stomach forces him to pull away. He has to ask.
"Why? Why are you doing this, I mean? Do you really want... to take me back?" He sputters, looking down at the floor.
"I'm not completely sure yet." You answer honestly, shifting and lying back on the bed.
Damn. That's not the answer he wanted to hear.
"Are you-"
"Come here."
When you pat the spot next to you in bed, Mike melts. He's a wreck right now, but still wants nothing more than to be with you, in every sense of the word. He silently complies.
"It's not about right and wrong, you know. As much as I love being told I'm right." You give him a soft smile, breaking the silence and placing your hand on top of his as you both lie on your sides.
Damn it. He'd done this with you before, this and so much more. Why was such a small touch turning him to goo?
"What isn't?"
"The breakup. It's about growing as a person. As people. Both of us." You lace your fingers with his, and can't help but laugh as his face reaches a level of pink you've never seen before.
"And what exactly am I supposed to be growing out of?"
"Pfft. I don't know, the emotional unavailability? The way you never made time for me? Constant irritability?" You start to dramatically list off his flaws, using your free hand to count on your fingers.
"Okay, okay. I get it." He huffs, and grabs your hand before you can make fun of him more. Instead, he guides it to his side, pulling you in a little closer.
"And you're miss perfect?"
"No. 'Course not. I have flaws too." You give him a sly smile, and start listing your own "faults".
"Too hot and sexy, too intelligent, too kind, amazing, sweet and caring..."
That's as far as you get before Mike scoots closer, burying his face in your neck and giving you a playful nip.
"Too arrogant." He adds with a laugh, wrapping his arm around you and letting himself melt further into you.
"My arrogance is one of my best qualities, thank you." You reply haughtily, sliding your hand up his back and into his hair.
Mike couldn't speak, even if he could somehow find the right words to say. Everything in this moment felt so right. His arm around you. Your fingers in his hair. He lets out a soft groan instead.
You aren't exactly eager to let go of this moment either, and just hold him for a few minutes. It feels nice to play with his soft brown curls.
"I'll do better. Please." He finally mumbles something to you, not bothering to move his face from where it's buried in the crook of your neck.
"Please what, Mikey?"
"Take me back."
He finally pulls back, just enough to give you a glimpse of those puppy eyes of his. Damn it. How could you even think of saying no?
"Yeah. Okay."
You both lean in for another round of soft passionate kisses, and Mike feels himself relax completely. His stomach unknots and his mind goes numb. For the first time in months, he feels completely safe.
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"So does this mean you'll babysit for me again?"
"Go finish the shelf, Schmidt."
"Yes, Princess."
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♡ Epilogue ♡
Over the past few weeks, you and Mike had fallen into a sort of rhythm.
He never did end up finding a new babysitter, and besides, you're the only one who could ever get Abby to finish her dinner. You had to graduate her from daily witching lessons to weekly ones, though, convincing her she needed to study for the more advanced spells. Secretly, Mike was just losing track of which objects in his house were supposedly invisible. It was quite amusing to watch.
Mike's favorite part of the day was coming home to you already asleep in his bed, and waking you up with a kiss. He'd then either lie down in bed while you shower, or hop in there with you, depending on how you felt. Either way, he loved the view.
The conflicting schedules made things complicated, but you were able to work around it. Mike slept better with you holding him, and consequentially, was a lot more agreeable. He did his best to make more time for both you and Abby.
He even started to open up to you for once, letting you take on some of his burdens. This man sure had a lot of guilt. You were certain he hadn't yet told you everything, but he told you enough. At least you finally knew what the fucking NEBRASKA poster on the ceiling was for. Now you kind of felt bad for all the times you teased him about it the first time you dated.
As for the damn shelf... well, he finished it. It was still hideous, but it was functional. There were holes in it from the nails, and the wood had even started to splinter in a few spots. You couldn't bring yourself to get rid of it, though. Not after how much work you both put into it. Even if most of Mike's work revolved around un-doing yours.
It definitely wasn't a perfect relationship, not by far. But Mike never promised to be the perfect boyfriend. He just promised to be better.
And he was, bit by bit, every day. Better. ♡
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Author's note:
Thank you all for the love!! This was my first time writing a fanfic of any kind so I'm really happy so many of you enjoyed it. Feels good to bring the story to an end.
Feel free to send me a request, I'd love to write more fics about Mike. Or any other J-hutch character for that matter, Mikey is just my favorite <3
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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers
Thanks for the tag @cooking-with-hailstones!!
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
uh. 57. not at all prolific.
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
234,707
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Mostly for Breath of the Wild or Ocarina of Time in the Legend of Zelda, though I've done a couple for different games. Other than that Dwight in Shining Armor, that one random cosmere one, Spy X Family, and Miraculous.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Semblance of a Sentiment
Fall Under Your Spell
One Little Scare Ought To Do You Some Good
HERO x FAMILY
Link's Lawn Mowing Service
deliberately ignoring the sxf ones because I'm not that into the fandom anymore and it's so much more popular that I feel that skews things
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I used to. I should start again. I'm just... lazy.
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Ooh. Oh. Oh, uh that's actually a tought one. Well, if I had to say angstiest it would have to be Even Though You're Not Here. Though there are definitely a couple other contenders.
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Hard to say. I have plenty, but my favorite ones tend to be at least bittersweet, but let's go with... Reading Between the Lines (../.-../---/...-/./-.--/---/..-)
8. Do you get hate on fics?
The closest is once (for my tiny fandom actually) I got a comment that was like "I didn't like this." So I just deleted the comment.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
No
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
I do not. The closest I come is putting characters in a different universe that I love.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
No
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
No
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I did one with @linktheacehero! And I like to rp, so I could theoretically have more in the future... if one ever gets finished, that is.
14. What's your all-time favorite ship?
Zelink. Without a doubt. They just claimed the brainrot about a year and eight months ago and haven't relinquished it yet and I kinda doubt they're gonna.
15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
A botw au where it starts in a hyrule equivalent to the 1920s. The first chapter is one of the first things I wrote, but I am no longer satisfied with it but some simple edits aren't enough to fix my issues with it so I don't know what to do with it at the moment. I'd ideally love to fix it or restart it or something so that I can get to the parts I want to but I'm just not sure what is going to become of it.
16. What are your writing strengths?
Um... horrible at analyzing my own writing, but I really like the way I am able to do prose sometimes.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Complex stories? Maintaining momentum for a multichapter fic? The biggest thing I feel is doing any sort of action, because I like to spend too much time either in a character's head or in the dialogue.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
Cool if you can do it. I can't.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Miraculous Ladybug. Sometimes I miss the fandom, but it's just not the same anymore.
20. Favorite fic you've ever written?
It's gotta be When Things Cease to Flow. Probably weird for most people since it's second person POV but I love it because it just works so well for me. Probably the fic I've written I've reread the most.
No pressure but tagging (and sorry if you've already been tagged) @linktheacehero @angelicgarnet @whogirl2011 @deiliamedlini and um. er. whoever else wants to.
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So... I'm realizing more and more every day that I'm really bad at reading.
Like not only do I have poor comprehension skills, I can't pronounce words properly when reading aloud, I skip around in blocks of texts when I'm not skimming and have to pause and reread words in the right words realizing I skipped words to. Sometimes I'll read a post about something that happened and I'll think its bad or good but I won't fully be sure so I read the comments and read the comments and reread the post and reread the comments and be only slightly more sure. I was taking a personality test the other day and I had to pause at this sentence:
"Safety and Security is more important to me than most people."
And I reread it. And I legit asked my sisters if it meant that I care more about safety and security than most people do or if I care about safety and security more than I care about most people.
Perfect example of me skipping around. I saw this post that read: "every time i come home from work i'm like how do people have the energy for kids and relationships. like in the most literal sense. how?" and my mutual who reblogged it had tagged it "LITERALLY" with three crying emojis.
One of the times I read it I went "how do people have the energy for kids and relationships. like literally how?" another time I read it as "Literally how do people have the time and energy for relationships." One time I read it properly all the way to "relationships. like" then I read "literally". (I saw it a couple different times while scrolling and initially was gonna put a screenshot here of it. So yes even when I know what it says I can miss read it completely)
Like what?
IDK if this has to do with anything but One time I saw a post and then the reblogs were like "lol reblog if you understood without the missing words"/"reblog if it took you a while to realize there were words missing". And I reread and reread the original post and could not decipher what was missing.
When reading aloud I might read like "The quick fox, wait sorry, the quick...brown fox j,jumped over the... oh. the lazy dog." And it's like why can't I read? like what? I literally had practice in school with popcorn reading and I still can't do it.
As I mentioned earlier, I can't pronounce words. The words "Fort Apache" came up in a conversation with my mom, and I pronounced it a-pa-chay. and my mom was like 'Don't they teach anything in school these days (I graduated with my associate's in 2020, this was earlier this year) it's A-pa-chee.'
And it probably bleeds into my writing. I spell words phoenetically a lot. Like a day or so ago I was writing and twice in close succession to each other, I wrote 'know' as 'no', I had fixed the first time before writing it the second time too. Often I mix up homophones when writing to be honest. I'll write 'our' as 'are' because that's what it sounds like. "There" and "their", which one will I use? Will it be accurate? Was I supposed to put "they're"? (Also not phonetic but sometimes I write "what" instead of "wait" and "want" instead of "what", also sometimes I get g and q mixed up)
idk. but I do feel really dumb sometimes. Once in my 6th grade English I was asked to answer a question and I was trying so hard. But was doing so poorly my teacher called on another student while I was talking. In my Junior & Senior year of high school, I was also taking college classes and so I was taking screenwriting classes and one of the assignments was to sorta explain the characters journey. Why did one of my classmates explain my main characters story better that I did? I took an anthropology/sociology class with my younger sister. She got a better score on the final essay, with more points under [while I don't remember what the part was called that I know I struggled with and she did really well on but I remember it had] something to do with understanding and explaining... something. And that's just it. I'm so bad at that.
Last night I was telling my big sister about a really small blurb I read the other day, like maybe 5 sentences long probably shorter, and she was like 'wait is it saying [that] or [this]'. And the way I was like '0.0 I don't know but that second one makes so much sense' (I had thought it was the former) and she was like 'yea, I think it was saying [this].'
Speaking of my sisters. They are so much better at research than I am. A good chunk of the serious stuff I know is because my big sister reads stuff and tells us about it. When my younger sister writes she spends half her writing time researching so she can make it as accurate as possible, my older sister researches stuff for writing too. And like... It's not that I don't research things but I get a headache trying to figure things out after short periods of time. I can't spend half an hour researching and the other half writing because if I tried to it'd be half me crying over not understanding what a specific source was saying.
Recently, I had this grand idea that I would use this account to keep people updated on the news, so I thought I'd read news articles and post links to them. I opened one up and I read it. and I read it. And the next day I reread it. And I just couldn't fully understand what it was saying. I got some of it. I did. But I couldn't fully get it. So I scrapped that idea altogether. I can't share something I don't understand. (Besides people are sharing more informed stories on social media anyway so it's not like I would've been helping much with news articles anyway probably.)
and it goes hand in hand with why only one thing really stuck for one of the assignments we did in 12th grade government. because I just lack reasonable reading comprehension skills. (yea I posted that before this as a reference for what I'm talking about.)
And idk how to end this. I just feel sad this morning about how bad my literary skills are.
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