#I'd be pissed saying that normally but I'm too tired rn

[sir-arlieosaurus-lung-struggler]

today's gonna be interesting lol

I'm tired so idc about Grammer/spelling rn I try get point across w/ as little effort possible (say I sound like a fucking toddler I dont give a shit)

Area I live = smokey = bad air, scars on side = sometimes hurt, bad air = not breath good & hurt. Mom called lung specialist, nurse lady said no open spot, but if get worse call normal doc/go to urgent care. I think tired from low oxygen in brain. Sorry if not fully legible.

I dont like moving rn, nurse on phone said try use inhailer, but it on other side of the house & no one in room rn to get it for me. I normally cant feel like I get full breath w/out extra effort & feeling lung streatch to far so = hurt, but now also feels less than my normal. My mom just came in & got me inhailer :>

Thank u for coming to mah Ted-talk, i gave you this message laying on foam mattress on floor, asthma sucks, if you know anyone in smokey area especially ppl w/ lung issues plz wish them luck. I'm taking inhailer now :>

[longlivedelusion]

🌈WIP Wednesday💅

Thanks for the tag @heytheredelulu 🥰 been slacking a bit but here's a WIP from a lonnngg fic I've been planning/working on. Which is a bit different than what I normally post *bucky, cough, bucky*

It's a Marauders era fic, post grad, with my own OC insert. Pretty excited about it, but let's see if I get it posted ever 😅

Trigger warning though: looooot of negative self-talk. Depression. Hint of s*icidal thoughts. Mentions of death. Yeah I picked a heavy one to drop, sorry, it's all I have rn 😅

~

Sirius didn't talk after that, after the news. As much as I tried to get him to speak, say anything, all I could hear were the occasional shift of his chains to know he was alive. I eventually gave up trying.

I sat down on the ground, the chains shifting beneath me as I moved to get comfortable. I hunched over my slowly weakening legs. Even though the Dementors kept mostly away from us, or me technically, the food we got still didn't help sustain us. We were meant to be living skeletons, just alive enough to survive and know that we would never leave. Not that we could anyway.

I looked down at my hands. These weak, useless hands. I didn't need the Dementors to feed on me to realize how badly the universe had messed up. To know they chose the wrong person to be here, to live. Just a piss poor witch incapable of dealing with a couple wizards, who couldn't even do shit to help save her friends. I took in a stuttered breath, my lungs struggling to fill, before releasing a slow breath out.

It should have been me. Not James. Not Lily. Not... Reggie. They were the heroes. They were the capable ones. Not me.

I laid down onto the damp, cold floor, eyes fixated on the stone wall in front of me. Drip. Another leak. Drip.

I don't know how long I sat there for, eyes staring forward at the water coming down from the wall. I stopped hearing the rush of the waves outside, the steady pour of rain, the occasional wails. I stopped hearing everything all together. Blink.

Two stones up and three over. It had a chip in the corner. Was that me? Or someone before me.

Blink.

My eyes felt a bit tired. Maybe I could just close them a while.

Blink.

Nothing else really mattered, anyways.

Mumbled voices. Must be the screams.

It didn't stop. They sound louder, closer.

Doesn't matter though. Probably just the Dementors feeding.

But it didn't stop. It got louder. Franctic. Familiar. Who was that? I knew that voice.

"Please, please don't leave. You can't go too, you can't-" The voice came now, clearly. It was Sirius. I had never heard him so desperate before, so afraid. "I'm sorry I shut down, please be alive, please-"

"I'm here," I said, a rasp from unuse. How long had it been since I'd last spoken? "I'm here."

"Fuck, I thought- I hadn't heard you move in a while and when I called your name you didn't answer. You- shit, I thought you were dead!" I heard him choke back what could be... A sob?

"Why are you crying?" I asked, the words falling from my mouth drily. Why are you crying over me? I wanted to say.

"Are you fucking kidding!" He shouted, or what sounded like a shout in these near silent halls. "You're the only person I have left. You- you're all I have left." He stopped, the last words dying on his lips.

James. Lilly. Peter. Remus. Re-

All of his friends, dead or betrayed. 

No family. No home.

Another choked sob left his throat, "Addie-"

"I'm sorry. I'm here. I was just a bit tired is all." I said, a bit louder this time though the conviction in my voice was passable at best. "Talk to me."

I was new. I wasn't his childhood friend, it was different. I couldn't replace the gaping hole left in his heart of the people he'd lost, the family that no longer was, and those he loved who thought he and I were murderers. Killers. But I was all he had left, and he needed me.

I suppose I would have to do.

~

No pressure tags to some favs (and to anyone else who wants to share a WIP!!): @kayhi808 @navybrat817 @pretty-little-mind33 @drabbles-mc

[rubberduckyrye]

I'm extremely upset and having a meltdown rn today has to be up there in the top.... 20 most terrible days of my life

I broke my back cleaning up the apartment because my former landlady was VERY concerned about cleanliness and decluttering the apartment to get the house to sell, and she texted us stressed and frustrated.

PLUS, I had to do the watering today. So that was also back breaking.

So I put myself out for the next week. I'm not going to be able to function for at LEAST a few days minimum. I normally would try to clean things gradually to avoid this but my former landlady was showing up today to tidy up the garden and "check in" with me. Since she was just complaining about the apartment, I thought she was going to come down and take a look to see if we've been cleaning it.

So guess what didn't happen.

If you guessed my former landlady didn't come down to look at the apartment, congratulations! You get a cookie.

I ordered some food as a treat for myself and happened to go up the stairs to get it. So I thought I'd see what was going on with my former landlady, since it had been hours and she hadn't come down to check up on me or anything. She then directed me to this bamboo plant in this large square planter-box that she made VERY clear was not getting enough water. She even seemed to think I was lying when I said I was watering it manually like instructed. She aired her frustrations to me about the one plant dying, because we were "being paid" (see: our rent lowered) to take care of these plants. She also scolded me about the hoses not being properly raveled up when I was done with them, and one of the hoses was kinked and not a lot of water was getting through the hose, which I hadn't noticed. But really her main frustration was the bamboo plant.

I told her I would try to revive it by watering it every other day for ten minutes straight. I genuinely felt bad about it, because I WAS watering it. I was doing my best. I don't know how to garden. I don't know how wet the soil should be. I just know that over-watering is a thing so I try not to do that.

She also seemed to have misread my texts at some point because she thought I was watering the plants every other week when I have been watering it every week as instructed. Apparently we're supposed to water the plants twice a week when it's extra hot but I wasn't told that! I am not a gardener! I shouldn't even be manually watering ANYTHING because it's physically taxing on me and dangerous!

So. Not only did I bust my back for nothing, but I got told that the work I was doing wasn't good enough all because one bamboo plant is a thirsty bitch that needs more water than I was told. BTW all the other plants? She said they looked fine. But she was VERY upset over this one Bamboo plant.

I will also say that: my former landlady is normally pretty chill and relaxed with us. I'm guessing that the house failing to sell is stressing her out and she was in a piss poor mood texting us to begin with because of it. She probably blames us because no one wants to move into a house with tenants they don't know. We're a burden in that regard.

So I just. I'm just having a meltdown. I'm going to end up shutting down too. I don't know what to do. I'm so exhausted and tired.

How am I going to be able to go upstairs to water this stupid bamboo plant every other day to try and revive it when I'm going to be dead for a few days at minimum? How am I going to manage anything?

I'm so stressed out. I just want this day to be over.

[fatimaah]

What a pretty day-

with so much left to say

What am I to do at school now? The lessons are over and I'm sitting in girls' locker room surrounded by stupid 8graders not knowing where to go.

It's noisy outside. Some little guys are playing football as I sit on the bench feeling soft wind swinging my hijab, I love the weather rn. My friends are at that stupid rehearsal. Honestly I want then to have a perfect 25th of May and create sweet memories (especially girlies that are dancing w their crushes) but I wish they weren't busy with all the rehearsals and everything. Especially assy and frz, they both look tired and are barely paying attention. At least kmll cares about cooking day and everything.

Well... for me, cooking day and a picnic is all that will remain from school since I'm not taking part in prom and photoshoot. So I really wish we will do it. It would be sad if we didn't do that, I hope it means something for others as well. AND I HOPE THEY WON'T BUY FUCKING KFC HAHA (I know they won't)

Oh this the last time I'm staying after classes. Tomorrow they will all be busy again and I'll be left alone in this fucking school. Not everything is that bad tho....at least the sun is up right?

Uuuugghh I could be at home rn (I'd probably be helping my mom with lunch preparation but still....)

This spring breathe is so... soothing

maybe I'll read something....or talk to someone or find any other way of killing the boredom.

edit:

This bitch really made us stay after lessons for an hour and then line up on the school yard just to tell us NINE WORDS? HELLO? she could text us at school group or something I was literally so mad at her. Had an urge to lock her in our basement and force her to listen to her very own speech until she faints from starvation. SHE IS SUPER ANNOYING I CAN'T EVEN-

and plus, after that, even if I was already pissed of loneliness and annoyment MY FUCKING BROTHER went missing for 30 minutes and I waited for him ready to shoot myself because why should I wait for this MENTALLY DISABLED SHRIMP to go home when I could just call a taxi and go without him. I swear, I just wanted to catch a taxi and go home but I knew my mom would be like OmG aLL aLonE HoW cOulD yOu, GivE mE yoUr pHone . So I waited, trying to look normal tho I felt this awful lump in my throat and urge to MURDER.

literally such a bad day.

And now I just realized how I'm missing out on a lot because I don't even have group photos with my friends. I don't even remember when was the last time all five of us were like laughing and everything.... probably that day at the dance club.

Perhaps it's my fault cuz I'm mostly sitting with firuza and sleeping during lessons.... honestly I would love to sit with them as well but all of them already go in pairs and I don't wanna be the one who's always like CaN I siT wiTh YoU? I don't wanna be clingy but I know I'll regret not being energetic for last five days of school. It just feels like, idk, like they're already having fun at the waltz rehearsals and they don't seem so encouraged about things, especially frzn and assy. That's sad. If it was allowed to dance w the boys I'd dance too just to spend some quality time w the gurls during rehearsals...

Do I really believe we will keep in touch with them after school? For some time yes sure but for long turn.... maybe there's a little bit of chance I'll still talk to kmll but I'm worried that as the time goes, frzn and assy will just stop responding to my messages. It's wrong to think so...but I'm already loosing connection with them. How can I be sure about any connection after school.

History repeats itself...will it all end up in redbridge way..or is it me being out of touch and distancing myself again (I don't do it on purpose I don't even know how this happens all the time)

Okay I'm being a drama queen, it's not that bad but I just wish we spent more time together but I don't wanna be clingy and awkward and over energetic or attention seeking or- UUUGHH

just sleep already Fatimah, u did ur Arabic and Quran studies and u decorated a memory notebook....u just need some sleep.

Probably. Most probably 🥱

May 20, 2024

[anystalker707]

Spicy horror

Pairing: Frank x [fem] Reader Word count: ~ 4 000 Genre: Smut / Fluff Summary: It's Halloween, and (y/n) and Frank finally confess their crushes to each other when binge watching horror movies on Frank's place. Kind of content: Praising / Protected / Oral

Requested by @thisisjustforrequestingfanfics (can't tag you, sorry hhh my T*mblr is acting weird)

a/n - I'm sorry that I coudn't proofread, I might do it soon; I was supposed to be asleep rn

"You're just annoying, old man," I tease with a grin. "But don't whine or else you'll ruin the makeup!" I continue spreading the white concealer over his face, careful to get it on the corners around his nose and around his eye, though not to irritate his eyes.

"No, fuck you," Frank groans, his face twitching to suppress any expression. "Why can't we watch it again tonight? They're the best movies! And stop calling me old man, it's just my birthday! I'm not decomposing or anything!" Despite his words, he smiles, opening his eyes once I pull away, leaning back against the chair of the desk – I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, I agree." I grab the eyeshadow palette from the desk and move closer to him again. "TCM is a great series and all, but can we not watch it for a single week? It's your birthday and we can watch literally any horror movie! And it can be special, like, not something we've watched a thousand times already to the point we already know most of the lines." I glare before motioning for him to close his eyes.

Frank sighs grumpily, leaning his head back. "What are you planning on, then? Alien? Jaws?" He lets out a weird cry when I slap the side of his head lightly, though he is soon chuckling.

"And then you complain when I say how annoying you are!" I spread the dark eyeshadow over his eyes, humming. "It's been a while since we've watched The Howling, Evil Dead, House of Wax. I mean, 'm not gonna complain if we decide on Alien and Jaws either." He hums, pouting. "Don't worry, you're still my favorite old man." I press a kiss to his head.

"I hate you," he laughs.

After a little bit of fake blood and retouching on my makeup, the two of us are leaving Frank's house to go to school, waving his mother goodbye. We don't look like what most of the kids will go dressed up as – not putting enough effort nor choosing the same themes as the jocks and popular people and not invisible enough just to throw on whatever in a black theme. Frank looks like a chill vampire with Bela Lugosi's Dracula references, though still looking like a punk, while I decided on one of my favorite characters. Nothing too extra, but still in the vibe.

"You look ridiculous with that hair slicked back." I kick one of the pebbles on the sidewalk. "I prefer the hedgehog or whatever it is in the normal state."

"I honestly feel like I could kill someone just from biting their jugular off." He grins, throwing his nose in the air – I can't help but to chuckle; he's adorable. "But not gonna be anyone from school, they're not worth it neither their blood would taste good." He twists his mouth. "I feel like most I'd get would be booze, botox and steroids."

"Damn," I snort, "awfully accurate. You're gonna starve, sorry."

Frank pouts, looking down, but a smirk soon tugs on his lips as he takes a step closer. "But you're not that bad, baby, you know?"

"Oh, fuck off!" I roll my eyes, clicking my tongue. "You just want to get in my jugular!"

Both of us burst out in chuckles and our conversation eventually dies down when we walk past the gates to inside the school, replaced by jokes at other people's costumes, sometimes needing to hold onto each other from laughter.

We walk into the first class, already a bit late, but all it does is to attract everyone's attention the moment we step in.

"Ridiculous, as always," some girl mutters under her breath. Funny.

Frank wraps a hand around the length of the coat to stupidly bring it to cover the lower part of his face, looking around with narrowed eyes then wide ones. "I smell not just a lot of blood here," he says in a low and raspy voice, "but also stupidity!" He points at the girl judgingly, making her twist her mouth disgusted.

"I hope Freddy Krueger visits you tonight," I say when walking past her, patting her shoulder. A scream comes from her when noticing the fake blood stain I leave behind on her white outfit, having Frank and I chuckling on our way to the back.

No one really pays attention to the classes – it's Halloween, we're even in stupid clothes and anxious for whatever is going to happen later in the day, so the teacher doesn't even bother scolding Frank and I for talking nonstop in the back of the classroom. To be honest, I think only the goody two shoes are actually doing something, sometimes turning around to glare at the others.

"Okay, okay, shut up for a minute!" I tell Frank, taking a look at the messy words over my notebook to check if I forgot to write something down. "We've got The Howling, Alien, Evil Dead, House of Wax, Dawn of the Dead, Funhouse, Pumpkinhead..."

"Fright Night," Frank continues, "Opera, Cannibal Holocaust, Texas Chainsaw–"

"I said no TCM! Fuck you," I curse, rushing to write everything down, crossing out TCM when I accidentaly write it down.

"Friday the 13th, Poltergeist, Near Dark and Elm Street," he finishes, glaring at me. He hits my shoulder, not enough to hurt. "I'll make you watch TCM with me until you have memorized every single frame of it!"

"Your TCM phase will have died down by then!" I twist my mouth bitterly. "Sorry to kill the hype, baby!" I throw my nose in the air with a chuckle at his sulky manners. He furrows his eyebrows, sucking in a breath for words he never really gets to say. "And we still got to watch all these goth movies and shows lying around! Do you think it was easy finding the 60s Addams family show on DVD? Or that one Frankenstein version on cassette." Okay, the last one was easy to find in a yard sale, but still, it was just luck.

"Okay, mommy, please just don't punish me," Frank says with a groan and a fake moan. I stare at him as he's not able to contain his laughter before starting to hit him with the notebook.

"Too bad you're not a good boy, hun."

For once, school ends up actually being nice and just because Frank and I were getting in the character sometimes and pissing people off. By lunch, he had pulled on some sunglasses and looked like the stupidest fucker while eating his sandwich and smudging more of the lipstick and fake blood around his lips. At some point, we had pretended to have a fight and pierce the other's chest with a pair of scissors just to squeeze a bag of fake blood at whoever walked by – mostly some of the jocks or plastics. So much fun.

The house is quiet when we arrive back at it, a couple hours after school ended, and we find out, later, a note from Frank's mom apologizing she can't be here during the rest of his birthday, though she's sure he'll have fun with me.

"Imma take a shower," I sigh, pointing upstairs.

"Sure," he hums, looking up from the note for a moment to smile at me.

Thankfully, I always leave some clothes at Frank's place because I'm here far too often and not always have the chance or disposition to go back home and grab some clothes. It doesn't prevent me from stealing his hoodie, however, and walking out of the bathroom without all of that sticky makeup or fake blood is the best thing ever. Later, Frank is the one to go take a shower while I take care of the food he had already started to prepare.

"Much better!" I raise my eyebrows at the sight of Frank with his hair back to normal and only a bit of black makeup smudges the underside of his eyes now.

"Y'know, I never said a single thing about how you looked," he mutters with his brow low, coming to lean against the counter, next to me, "still, you've been attacking me every chance you got!"

"Does it offend you?" I smile.

"No, but it still hurts!" He sniffles, a hand flat against his chest. "I know I'm too badass for you to handle, but you don't need to let it be that clear!"

I look at him from head to foot. "I hate you, y'know that?"

"Love you too, hun!" He grins and moves closer, cupping my face exaggeratedly to peck my cheek before we head upstairs with everything we need.

We turn the lights on to organize everything, soon sitting down against a pile of pillows and with food surrounding us, though most of it is on the bedside tables since Frank, mainly, gets extremely uncomfortable with it falling on the bed. It doesn't matter, though, since the food and half empty cans end up going forgotten halfway through the movie at the same time the chatter dies down and we watch The Evil Dead as if it was the first time.

Some funny part comes on – well, not exactly funny, but enough to make us chuckle quietly – and brings us back to reality, sighing and glancing at each other, adjusting our postures as we'd slid down the pillows.

Frank yawns.

"Already tired?" I tease, poking his shoulder.

"No." He pouts, crossing his arms over his chest. "Getting tired is for losers." He does glance at the clock on his bedside table, however, and the red glowing numbers say it's six something.

"You're my favorite loser, then." I smirk lightly, exhaling.

Frank's eyebrows knit together as he looks at me, but then rolls his eyes. "Well, duh, of course I am! Who else? I'm the best." He scoots closer until his head is leaning on my shoulder and I can't help but to smile.

"No, I am," I groan, arms wrapped around him.

"I am!" He glares and, at some point, we end up in a wrestling match, pushing each other around the mattress among laughter and curses, which comes to a stop when we start getting too tired and I just let Frank lie down on top of me, head on my chest, still watching the movie. "Do you like anyone, (y/n)?" he asks suddenly. "Like, got a crush?"

Random. Why does he want to know? I mean, I do have a crush, but telling him about it is difficult.

"Um, yeah, I guess, why?" I blink, startled when he suddenly brings himself up on his elbows to stare at me.

"I swear to God I'll hunt them down if you forget about me because of them, do you understand?" Frank presses his forehead to mine. "You're the only one I got, sometimes I'm so worried you'll even leave me for whatever reason."

"What?" I breathe a chuckle, though there's not exactly anything funny here. "Never in my right mind would I do that! And you can't hunt my crush down if my crush is actually you," I laugh in a sudden rush of confidence, which wears out awfully quickly, leaving me lying there and rethinking every life choice.

"Me?" Frank widens his eyes. At the lack of answer, he takes a hold of my collar, straddling my hips. "Did I hear it right? Please, (y/n), (n/n), soulmate? I'm your goddamn crush? For how long?"

I shake my head lightly, shrugging. "Months? A long time."

"And you just told me now?" He cries, forehead pressed to my shoulder. "Slow motherfucker."

"I didn't want you to leave me either, c'mon!" I sigh in defeat, running a hand through his hair. "I remember that time a girl confessed to you and you'd simply vanish whenever she showed up. What if that was with me? I'd not be able to live like this, y'know that."

"Y'know, yeah, seeing it from that point..." Frank shrugs, bringing himself up to face me again. "Still, I wouldn't avoid you like that! Dunno, but it doesn't matter now because you just relieved me of months of suffering. Looking at these pretty lips without being able to kiss it." He furrows his eyebrows, eyes on my lips. "Can I kiss you, tho? Now that we feel stupid for all these months. Damn. At least I feel."

I breathe a chuckle. "Of course! Do you think I wasn't dying to do it either?"

Next thing I know are Frank's lips pressed against mine softly, soon growing firm with confidence. His fingers run along my neck lightly, in a caring manner, dropping to trace my collarbones.

"Also," Frank breathes, pulling away; his face never moves farther than a couple of inches whilst he adjusts his position, lying down beside me on the mattress. "Maybe it's wrong to say and I've always tried to say it in a subtle manner, but–" his eyes meet mine, "–you've got the body of a goddess! Like, dunno, sometimes you comment about not having an 'ideal', skinny body, but you're just so perfect," he groans, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

"Frank!" I tap on his back lightly. It's not that I don't like what he said – no, damn, it sends my heart fluttering, this warmth taking over my chest –, but is it really the truth? I didn't think it was possible for anyone to tell me this.

"No, I'm telling the truth!" Frank grins. "Like, your thighs and all. I just want to squeeze and bite you! Not in a bad way, I mean." I must give him a funny look because of how flustered he grows, tongue playing with his lip ring as he looks away. "There's a lot to unpack, fuck, I thought it was obvious how I always sit there gazing at you and shit, but..."

"Likewise." I glare playfully, making him chuckle.

"Y'know–" Frank smiles lazily, "–this is the best birthday I've ever had, by far." He brushes his lips against mine softly, watching me through half lidded eyes. "Never knew you'd actually like me back. Never believed it was possible, to be honest."

"I never cogitated you like me," I breathe.

"Well, okay," he says, "we've already gotten through this. I think we should focus on now."

"I'm not the one who keeps bringing back past thoughts!" I chuckle at how he pouts, scowling funnily.

"Shut up, shut up, I get it!" Frank rolls his eyes and presses his lips to mine before I can say anything, having me smiling against the kiss until returning it, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him closer. Now that we've finally kissed, keeping our lips off each others' feels almost impossible – letting go of each other feels almost impossible. "God fucking damnit," he groans under his breathe, moving to press kisses down my jaw, soon reaching my neck.

A sigh escapes my lips at the kisses, though it turns into quiet pleased sounds at the feeling of his teeth pulling at my skin and sometimes closing around it, sucking on it whilst all I can bring myself to do is tugging onto his hair. Suddenly, however, feeling his hands traveling down to my hips and squeezing them makes me gasp, probably reacting a bit more than I intended.

"What?" Frank pulls away at the same moment, eyes wide. "Did I do something wrong? Please– Damn, I'm so sorry!"

"N-No, no," I finally bring myself into speaking up, feeling my cheeks burn bright red. "I, um, I actually... liked it. A lot. Sorry if I scared you, I just wasn't expecting it. I don't mind, really," I insist as he continues looking at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"You sure?"

"Yeah!" I smile, bringing him for a quick kiss before he's trailing down my neck again.

Frank's hands go down my body, experimentally at first and then squeezing my hips again, receiving another reaction this time, including just a soft gasp as I push my hips up – a shiver runs down my spine with it, a nice one. Fuck.

"Damn..." Frank breathes, hands running down to my thighs then up again to slide under my shirt. "It's a bit early, maybe–" he shrugs, looking at me, "–but... is it okay if..."

Holy hell. "Of course," I say without thinking much – he continues to stare, so I nod.

"Fuck yeah," he mutters, lips against mine for a few seconds before he's pulling my shirt over my head and the expression on his face carries such admiration that I can't help but to feel embarrassed for a moment. He never lets me cover myself, nonetheless, hands flying to my waist to hold firmly onto it as he's pressing kisses from my stomach to my hip. "No, seriously–" he sits up again, "–how can someone be so perfect?" He seems to be talking mostly to himself, getting rid of his shirt.

"Dunno." I grin. "How does it feel to be so perfect, baby?"

Frank exhales shakily. "You'll be the death of me and I ain't even joking." He presses a kiss to my collarbone, starting to nibble down at the skin again, trailing down to my chest, lips sometimes lingering over my breasts – sure as hell he leaves a few marks behind, considering how invested he gets.

Something tells me he doesn't know what to focus on. His hands never stay in the same place for too long, going down my thighs then trailing up to my waistband, up my torso, and then he repeats it.

"C'mon," I mutter, placing his hands on my waistband. He's a bit hesitant, but quickly undoes the buttons and starts pulling it down – I help him, kicking the pants away in the end.

A string of curses slip past Frank's lips as he quickly gets rid of his jeans too and, when coming back, he kneels down between my legs this time, spreading them apart. Our lips are yet again locked in a kiss, different from the others, more heated up and urgent this time as we hold onto each other. I play with the hair on the back of his neck and tug onto it instead at the feeling of his hands around my ass, groping.

"Frank, damn," I breathe quietly for a second we pull apart and, opposite to earlier, he gets the hint and does it again, humming against my lips. Once he stops groping, his hands just run along my skin, up and down my body, sometimes lingering. The most lovesick look decorates his face when he pulls away. My heart.

I place my hands on Frank's shoulders as I sit up, changing our positions. He observes me with wide eyes and I smile at him before pressing kisses to his neck, leaving behind a hickey before I can go lower and lower until my fingers are around the waistband of his boxers and I pause, looking up at him, and continue after he nods.

Frank's already half hard, a breath hitching in his throat as, after discarding his boxers, I assume my previous position.

Even if it's not the first time I've done that, this nervousness still lies under my skin as I wrap a hand around him, pumping him lightly before wrapping my lips around the head experimentally. He breathes sharply.

Only halfway through it that I allow myself to look up at Frank, pausing for a moment after finding out he's been watching, propped up on his elbows, eyes focused on me and jaw slack, but I don't look away, hollowing my cheeks instead and watching him break under my gaze, letting go of all the tension for a second.

I repeat the motions a few times and pull away, licking up along the underside, around the tip, and he's suddenly pulling me away – eyes wide and face flushed this time.

Frank mumbles something I can't quite understand, but it doesn't really matter. He moves closer, both of us soon assuming the position we were in minutes ago, pressed against each other. Now, he removes my underwear and his hand slips between us, however.

Pleasure is sent ringing up my spine at the feeling of Frank's fingers slipping past my lips, quickly finding my clit and wasting no time on working his thumb on it while a couple of fingers tease my entrance. Moans just escape my throat easily after he breaks the kiss, mouthing his way until the inside of one of my thighs – he bites and sucks on the skin there. His tongue is suddenly there, then, against my clit, working around it before being replaced by his lips and my vision goes fucking blank when I can feel him sucking on it.

"Fuck," Frank curses once pulling away, moving to frantically rummage through the nightstand's drawer; I groan at the loss of touch, pushing my hips up into nothing.

Hearing the sound of foil being torn makes me understand what's happening, and I watch him rush to slip the condom on, giving us a moment to catch our breath before he's positioning himself, a hand on my hip whilst another holds himself up.

"Tell me if there's something wrong, okay?" he asks slowly, "I'll stop right away. Don't be afraid."

"Same to you," I say softly, cupping his face to pull him for a soft, quick kiss.

Frank smiles with a nod and looks down before I can feel him against my entrance, pushing in slowly. I wrap my arms around his shoulders tightly, feeling his chest vibrate against mine with the low moan coming from him, replaced by a sigh once he sinks in completely. He starts moving right away, hips jerking experimentally before attaining a heavy and slow pace which doesn't last long due to how needy we are already.

I gasp at how he thrusts in harder, wrapping my arms around his shoulders to hold him close and having my legs around his hips, instinctively.

Curses and praises are breathed into my ear among moans, somehow making the pleasure pool down in my lower stomach even more intensely, summed up to feeling his hands groping on my ass again, fingers sinking into the skin.

"You're just so perfect, (y/n)," he babbles, "and even better that now you're all mine."

Suppressing a louder moan turns out to be impossible at the feeling of Frank's hips reaching a certain angle and, soon, the answer I had in my slips away from my grasp and all there's left is just how good he feels. I travel a hand up to his hair, remembering how he reacted to it earlier, and tug on it in a form of response, though also wanting to hear how pathetically he moans at it.

"'M gonna cum," I manage to say before being cut off by a moan, arching my back.

"Me too, babe," he groans, "almost there."

Frank pauses, adjusting himself so a hand is under my thigh and another on the mattress for major support and his thrusts are suddenly harsher. I throw my head back at the same time, holding onto him tightly, and it doesn't take long for all the pleasure that had been building up so far to unravel at once – it apparently triggers the same on him, considering how tight his grasp gets whilst a higher pitched moan comes from him.

Coming down from the high, I feel almost numb, in a good way. Frank pulls away and I'm only aware of him when he's lying down next to me, both of us breathing heavily and unable to do anything aside from staring at the ceiling for a long moment.

"Damn, I love you so much, so much," he mumbles again.

I breathe a chuckle, feeling him cuddling up to me, arms wrapped around me. "And I love you, dumbass." I press a kiss to his head.

"My girlfriend now, right?" he asks. "Nevermind, you don't get to choose." He chuckles, though it quickly dies down. "Just kidding, okay? Tell me to and I'll fuck off."

I laugh, still breathless. "Of course I am. I didn't confess for nothing."

[kim-ruzek]

Sorry if this comes through twice. I had submission difficulties. The fangirlish article did nothing to quell my irritation about Kim almost dying being used as a prop for everyone else’s complex storylines while her PTSD disappeared as quickly as her nearly fatal injuries.

Oh yeah same. I never expected it too, and I hope I didn't make it seem like it did. I hate hate hate like my blood boils hate when I think about how they're using Kim as a prop, and i go through different emotions on how I feel about Hailey, jay and Upstead and there's no way in hell I'm getting up to watch 9x4... But I'm still excited?

Like when I remove my irritation about Kim being used as a prop and the unjust treatment of burzek, I am. Especially since I've been away from the net recently so I haven't seen anyone's ridiculous opinions. I'm trying to remember that the show doesn't actually think the same alongside the fans and there I'm excited.

And like-- already I can see why Voight will say what he will say but doesn't mean that I'm not like, I get you but I dislike you in this moment.

Also it's just. I've got Thoughts on this whole thing but like, I LOVE theorising. Even when I don't like the storyline, I love it, it's so much fun. I watch a trash show that I literally bitch about but the amount of times I've squealed with joy that they actually did the dramatic plot that I predicted... It's part of my watching experience and I have to have fun, especially with this rn, because otherwise I'd just quit watching entirely.

And I am still irritated. But I still do like figuring stuff out not related to burzek and Kim. It's fun, and I wanna make posts about it, about what I've predicted for 9x4. I've got ideas and I'm hopeful that I'll enjoy it.

None of this negates my annoyance at Kim being used as a prop, or that her PTSD is the opening act to Hailey's, like Hailey's is the biggest and most important. It really pisses me off, but I can still have fun theorising. Especially-- I do have mutuals who love Hailey and Upstead and I love them with my whole heart.

And as I said in my previous post-- yeah, I don't normally like fsngirlish's reviews. I'm a bit eh on them, good to get a general gist but I take it with a grain of salt but they can still excite me.

And don't worry-- it didn't come through twice!!! 💖

Edit: like ten minutes later I realised I probably answered this a little more bitchy than I want to. I'm just a little on edge rn, I'm sorry. I know this is just-- I know. We're frustrated. I'm very vocal about my frustration. But sometimes I do like a break, and at no point did I say the fangirlish article helped ease irritation about Kim? I just said I had theories and I just-- I just got annoyed at this ask and I'm sorry. I love you anon, I love getting anons, I love talking about this stuff with you, I love being someone to discuss this frustration with,,, so I'm sorry for being kinda bitchy.

And I guess too-- I'm frustrated about a lot of things with cpd. And sometimes, if the article is about other characters, it can mean my frustration is about them, not Kim. And idk just tired of keep on repeating the same upsetting thing about Kim's trauma whereas I have a lot of thoughts about other stuff and would like to discuss that. Not saying anyone has to discuss it with me, but just that sometimes my mind isn't just on the unfairness, especially when it makes me so so so sad I have to force my mind to take a break for my own sanity.

Yet again tho-- I do love getting asks. Please continue to, continue to discuss Kim and frustrations with me, I should've breathed and answered this when I was a little less on edge and I'm sorry for that. 💖💖💖

[artemidian]

perfect! okay so the plan was work out at 10 but stuff happened and i wasn't able to. i woke up with a lot of dread/thought something bad was gonna happen if i got up lmfao (i get a lot of paranoia xx) but i did it anyway. blah blah blah i ate some toast cause my stomach hurt + i spilled boiling water on my leg (i do this a lot) + my tea bag opened in my tea and so there was stuff in my tea and i didn't like that. and i'm tired. i promise this is all relevant.

so i got that stuff done, but then my family started to wake up and do stuff (they get up late) and i hear everything they say cause i'm just. constantly listening for noises yk. and my sibling said some shit about me that pissed me off (they pissed me off last night too) and now i'm just :/. like i lowkey think i'm gonna cry but i can't cause there's nothing to cry about it. ANYWAYS so now i'm doing pre cal and it's not that bad (cause i'm doing practice problems, not notes. i hate doing notes) but i feel like i still need to work out. and my shoes are by my family and i don't wanna see them rn. and i'm getting hungry again (and i just remembered rn i forgot to take vitamins ugh) so yeah. basically things i need to Accomplish:

- pre cal (like 2 Things/lessons today cause i couldn't do one yesterday)

- work out (at least like. 20 minutes. i feel gross. i get nervous if i put it off at night tho because Night Time is always a whirlwind of What the Fuck)

- maybe clean. i just need to fold clothes and that's the chore i can never bring myself to do. everything else is clean lmfao, i might do my laundry tho if i can. i just need my family to Leave.

- maybe write. idk i'm really anxious today so idk what i'm gonna manage lol

i think that's it. i can give you my normal schedule so you can like. see how i'm a mess. i already got up 30 minutes late lmfao. but yeah ! do with that what you will !

okay so! schedule below!

step one: forgive the day

yeah this one sounds weird but it's a Thing I Do when i get morning anxiety/wake up later than i want to/have a bad morning and i've had to do it a Lot recently (thank you meds </3) so let me walk you through it. basically,, it's accepting that the start of my day happened how it did and then i'll choose a time to re-start my day (i'd say 11 for you but i doubt i'll finish typing by then lol. I do increments of 15 so i have time to re-make to-do lists if need be). it's a lot of like– neutrality? instead of frustration or forcing myself to be happy about it. like it helps when i feel like a mess– not all of my days will be perfectly on schedule. but within themselves they can be structured and functional even if they aren't My Usually Scheduled Day, and that's okay. anyways moving on–

two: get something to eat

okay i know that this one is currently not the best option because Family, but it makes sense in my head. you and hunger have a very on/off relationship, so best to eat when you start to get hungry, plus it makes sense for later in the day, and you'll need energy to get the rest of your stuff done, yk? so if you can find a way to grab something quick to eat (more toast w/ peanut butter if you like that? that's my go-to quick breakfast. i can give you more suggestions if you need them). and grab some water to drink too. hopefully you can make it so you're just kind of in and out without interacting with your family. oh and take your vitamins!

three: precal lesson one

it's probably stressing you out that you didn't get one one yesterday, which might be contributing to the morning anxiety (only bc i know mine gets worse if there's things i didn't do the day before, especially the whole "something bad will happen if you get up" feeling bc it feels like accepting that Yesterday is Over and i Cannot Finish That Task When I Needed To) but anyways. precal lesson! with any luck, math will soothe your brain and help you feel a bit more productive and such. math is one of the tactics on my disassociation doc that i give to my friends lol. it also gives your body a chance to rest and digest breakfast.

four: workout (and shower)

i don't think one precal lesson will take long enough to push this into the like. nighttime danger zone. so you should be fine in that regard. if you feel anxious about not doing it, remember that a.) it will get done and b.) you need time to yknow. get energy and such from your food. don't workout on an empty stomach (but working out right after you eat is also not the best idea lol). i think a twenty-minute workout is a good refresher for partway through the day, and it gives your mind a break from math. i have another friend who i help with scheduling and during the school year i'd usually have them do something active in between homework blocks. take it easy today, don't do anything extreme– you're tired and anxious. do what you can. just being active is enough. i put shower on the list because i don't think that going about the rest of your day with like sweat and such will help with your anxiety, just based off how i've seen you talk before. it's all up to you though.

five: more precal + snack break

now that you've done the things that are like. things you usually would either do in the mornings or would've done yesterday, take a breath and a second to acknowledge the things you've done today (yes i sound cheesy. you can't stop me though) and then start your second precal lesson. again, this is math, so it shouldn't be too bad, and as always, if you need help i'm here. as for the snack, depending on when you finish the other things, it could either be lunch, a post-workout snack, or an early dinner. whatever your body is able to have. and stay hydrated lol. you can eat whenever you'd like, whether that's right after your workout or in the middle of precal or when you finish the lesson.

six: whatever you need to do

this is just prescheduled time for if you need something, like eating or showering or time to relax or anything of the sort. yes you have time for this in your day.

seven: fold laundry

okay as someone who also has to force myself to do laundry and fold laundry i can assure you that it isn't that bad and it never takes as long as you think it does. put something on as background noise, a movie or show or a podcast or music, and just get it done. it won't be awful

eight: take the night as it comes

yes this is the opposite of what you've asked me to help with but here me out: if nights are consistency a whirlwind, it makes no sense trying to plan them, and more sense trying to learn to weather them. you can write? great. if not, that's okay. do what you can. family's being shitty? help yourself find a way to keep your mind off of it. have a headache? tired? anxious? give yourself some space to rest. etc, etc– basically try to adapt to whatever ends up happening instead of trying to get yourself to follow a specific guideline that isn't considerate of your situation and might end up causing more stress.

yes this took me like. thirty minutes to write out whoops </3