#I'll always be thinking of myself first
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The dog days are over.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#The childhood flashback is one of my favourite scenes in MDZS and yes I am disapointing myself in how little I am covering it.#If it is any consolation...I'll be bringing JYL's piggyback scene into another comic later on.#There truly is something so specific and yet resonant in the way our bonds as children feel so deep.#But the world doesn't stay as small as it does when you are a kid. The problems you argue about get bigger and more serious.#You still hold so much love for this person despite how much you want to throw hands with them.#To have such a complicated history with someone and then fall apart...You always think you have time to heal the wound.#Why wouldn't you! You've never had anything but time with this person. A brother not in blood but in true and genuine bond.#And then the fucker dies! It's horrible and sudden and the last words you exchanged were cold and awful!#What do you do with those dead end feelings? What do you do but grieve bitterly and angrily?#There is no resolution for all the love you wanted back. There will never be an opportunity to bridge the gap between you.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. Because you thought you had more time.#If anyone dares say Jiang Cheng didn't love WWX I'll be the first to fire up the powerpoint presentation on why he absolutely does.
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it's time to go, my love (ID in alt)
#vashwood#trigun maximum spoilers#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#ruporas art#been in a very bad Art rut lately... the fatigue is finally catching up so i turned to my very trusty muses#to bring me somewhere. somehow its vol 10 i always return to. though i thnk this is the first time im posting v10 art#i have so many in my drafts but this vol always made me emotional. It's been a year now so my emotions#They've cleared up. Somewhat.#i think i just delusioned myself into a place where ww is always alive bc i draw him well and healthy all the time. his death is such an#essential part to the narrative though... i'll never be able to run from it completely :']. anyway. im not too sure how to elaborate my#Thoughts on this one but i am quite Happy with the blueness of it all.
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Posting this cause tbh this needs to be posted in here
I'm thinking of scanning these some time soon
#animaniacs#Animaniacs comics#pinky and the brain#patb#patb comics#pinky and the brain comics#getting myself patb comics but in German dub cause first thays the only vers I can get the most cheapest and easier#second I always wondered how they looked like I always knew they translated the comics in German but I barely saw any pages of it or so#I'm glad to know Germany has exclusive weird brinky fanart#reading the pages is so interesting there were two fandom group recommendations one normal patb fan club and one with patb and the simpsons#it was called the big yellow and the little white I think#it's really silly#also the more closely I look at this image the more I realize this is definitely a reference to asterix and obelix especially#the cleo brain image and with closer inspections you see a common line from that cartoon#German patb comic#can't wait to collect more I got 3 more issues and I wanna see how they are like so I'll update 👍
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shirahama-sensei reminded me she has a thing for the teacher from pokemon s/v so i randomly went off on an au where qifrey is the professor. etc
#witch hat tag#orufrey#the first image is qifrey dressed as that guy. i'm glad she has an inexplicable attachment to some dorky pokemon man like i do#someone was like 'wouldn't it make more sense for deanreldea to be the champion' .... well no. not in my world .#it maps onto magic skill. champions aren't like the Rulers of the land they're just the most skilled at this thing#oru as a burnt out champion who's gently encouraging a kid like coco to reach him one day means a lot to me. i like pokemon narratives#agott went shiny hunting for the same thing coco had but cooler - just to impress her. she really is a pokemon rival type girl#pushing myself to the limit to prove my worth to you - to get to the summit first so i'm waiting for you..#and then realising it wasn't just to be strong - i realised i started wanting to see your smile. i wanted you to have fun.#i think coco would defeat agott at the end of victory road and then defeat oru & i'll probably draw one last thing abt that at least..#the image is very cinematic..the dialogue and music in my mind..I WANT TO FACE ORU!!!!!!!!!!#the super cool insanely powerful awesome champion is the spouse of my professor and he gave me advice at the beginning...no way....#btw the elite four would be the sages which is perfect (and maybe easthies as the first guy?) evil Team Brimhats#coustas as their renegade gladion-type figure. the gym leaders would be like sun/moon and s/v combined#travelling around facing the best students from different classes - so jujy and eunie etc.#i've barely thought about 'teams' or anything bc i care amore about the narrative side of things always lol#but idk. tetia with a swirlix - eunie would be ghost type boy - riche with small things but also a ceruledge or a steelix something massiv#and brushbug would have a final form which is really long like an eastern dragon- fluffy and with wings like a fairy. It's beautiful to me#well anyway *tries to move on to the rest of life now the brief obsession has passed*#obviously oru would be fire-type tho and qifrey would be water-type and they set off together and traded their starters etc.....it goes on
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no but peeta was being a dick after the first games. yes it's understandable why he overreacted but it doesn't change the fact that he did overreact, and that it was him who created the distance between himself and katniss. which is exactly why he was the one to apologize (and another reason why the movies suck because his line if i stop acting like i'm wounded is changed into if you stop acting like i'm wounded).
#everlark#it's not that i think his reaction comes from cruelty or naivety#and at first you're confused#cause why is he even mad#he and haymitch started the whole bit#but then she saves him#that conversation before their first ''real'' kiss#when peeta says that katniss isn't doing him any favour by sacrificing her life for his#and katniss tries to use that as an opportunity to sell their love story and how she did because he matters#but then stops and fumbles because he does matter to her#because the love is real was always real#and what does peeta do?#he says (and this is so important) then i'll have to fill in the blanks myself#this is where he starts to see it as something more than performance#and then she almost dies for him#so he assumes she has feeling for him to#and he's not wrong#but katniss is confused and she has every right to be confused and it's not even that he thinks she doesn't#and then haymitch appears and makes everything worse and now peeta's doubting everything#now he's questioning everything to the point of being irational#was everything just a plan haymitch made and katniss knew how to follow#did she save him because she knew it would work or because she wanted too#and he knows it shouldn't matter and that he should be grateful but he's being selfish in this moment#and then he's also traumatized and scared and hurt and embarrassed#and nobody needs him right nobody needs him and nobody cares for him and nobody protects him - his family didn't his mother didn't#so why would katniss#he's worthless really and how didn't he see it coming he's supposed to be in control cool calm collected mild but he wasn't and that's scar#and now he sees that he's not being fair and it would really help if katniss was yelling at him and telling him how ungrateful he is but no#instead she's hurt and she's sad but now he's confused and maybe it's all just guilt but whatever it is it's already to late to fix it#so he leaves and vows to keep living as he always had - with a too comfortable of a distance from others cool calm collected mild
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the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here
#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness#(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too)#but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so#lets see how that develops you know#also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it#not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but#im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing#to complain abt it anyway#the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy#maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness#i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character#in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now#like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains#in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think#or maybe you can! but i'll find that out#i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh#always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do#bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really#but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all#remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe#saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post#all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story#whos Other is story#where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story#ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe
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Since I'm sick (?) it's my heavenly duty to make every single one of my muses sick as well. Doesn't even matter how unlikely they are to get sick, they are all sick now
#tbd.#◜✧ . ❪ ooc. ❫#For some reason every time I'm ill I get the urge to rp my muses being taken care of ADHGSAJSAJDJ always makes me feel better#I'll rb some sickness memes today and will focus on writing those First <3 pwease feel free to send as many of them as you think fit them#This 'tradition' also makes me laugh bc some of my muses get sick once every decade... until I intervene and strike them down myself#AJDAGDSAJDSHAKDJA some would be sick from like. casual cold. others from overworking. others from hypothermia#and for those who refuse to get sick normally... my beloved specific muses I'm poisoning you myself <3 (/affectionate)#It's so interesting to see how they react to interacting w others when they're bed-bound or otherwise Should be bed-bound#smth smth a level of intimacy that they would normally rather die than showcase... but since they're sick they can't act as tough as usual
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. not snz
on healing and on fear (tags)
#(typed this up at 3am and scheduling for later) no one needs to read this 🙏#today i went back to the site where i got injured back in may to partake in a sport which i haven't touched at all since the injury#and i think what struck me was the realization that#i don't know if i'll ever be able to stop being scared again :')#for a time climbing was very special to me...#it was one of the only ways i could feel myself improving so tangibly when improvement is usually so difficult to track#i liked seeing myself get better at something 😭 i liked going with friends and puzzling over the same problems... i liked having something#to look forward to after work. and perhaps having something to look forward to sounds simple... but for me it meant so much :')#for the first couple months after the injury i couldn't wait to get back into it#and then one day i woke up and i was just afraid#the fear feels so much more tangible now that i know i am not overreacting... it's awful knowing that in a way i was right to be afraid#i always knew there were risks associated; i have always been cautious#but i had just been starting to learn to be braver 😭#and fuck... today i stood there and looked at the wall and thought. how can i ever not be afraid again?#how can i go back to how things were before? when i loved this? when i could tell myself that - despite the fear - it was meaningful to try#i wanted to come away with the takeaway that i could take things slowly and get back into climbing - maybe precisely because#i remember so keenly how i loved it - but how could it ever be the same?#😭 i know this is just part of growing up but#in some ways i am tired of growing up... :') in some ways i just want that joy as it was then#delete later probably#i suppose i haven't lost anything but typing this made me sob for something i couldn't quite name
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hi chat take my notes on getting to oxford and this dumb doodle of akiren
#miro draws for once#holy shit i never use this tag#need to draw more. whatever#oxford university#dream uni tbh . . . haven't even done my gcses but i know what i have to do#i'm going to do further maths since i'm in top set for my gcses along with triple science [year 9 teacher confirmed i'm more than qualified#then for college i'll aim for A*AA i think for physics/maths/further maths respectively#iirc oxford doesnt do astrophysics as an undergrad course so i'll take physics as my undergrad#sighs.#backup plan is in medicine because that's always been something at the back of my head#sighhsssss. i can't stop thinking about this#shut it miro ! get your gcses done first ! [had a panic attack over mastering CAD [solidworks] in under 3 months]#sigh. normal tag time ?!#my art#traditional art#akira kurusu#ren amamiya#persona 5#study notes#studyblr#if i dont get into oxford i WILL kill myself
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Finally got around to watching ep 11 (´；ω；｀)
#I'm late...#I'm sorry I wasn't able to watch the episode by time last week but again. Food poisoning. And then the new chapter came out#I feel like I had much more to say when I started watching it last week...#Mmmmhh. I really like when bsd animation uses the colored lineart effect for flashbacks / subspaces (Anne's Room‚ Poe's books).#I think it's one of the prettiest and most original things of the bsd animation.#I've always felt like the Natsume reveal was a bit coming out of nowhere lol.#Here's this legendary ability user everyone knows but no one has ever seen with this immensely unthinkable powerful ability...#That the reader literally wasn't ever made aware of in the previous 49 chapters lol#After all that build up‚ his ability even feels a little underwhelming.#Which I suppose was the intended result‚ but I'm not sure it really works all that well in the end.#Then Naomi's words “Come to think of it‚ the things that happen when Mii-chan vanishes [...]‚ disasters are stopped every time”#really feel soooo out of place when so-called Mii-chan was never before mentioned up to this episode (╥﹏╥)#But I'll stop complaining. It's nothing big really#Fukuzawa and Mori's relationship is very homoerotic. Tbh#I looooove the ss/kk I don't even have much to say just watching scenes of them interacting together fills my heart of a warm feeling :')#The animation quality is very poor and the drawings are very undetailed but really I love ss/kk too much to care.#A lot of emphasis is put by the fandom on Atsushi's cruel remark towards Akutagawa in this ch/ep and it *is* cruel but really...#Akutagawa had literally just attacked Atsushi in a death-threatening way‚ futilely and completely unprompted#I can't find it in myself to blame Atsushi if he was irritated and lashed out at him.#And all their other moments are just so cute. What do you mean Akutagawa is deeply interested in understanding Atsushi's motivations.#What do you mean Atsushi can't get Akutagawa out of his mind!!!! They're so cute#So many more cute moments were cut out too rip lawnmower line you'll always be missed rip date line you'll always be missed#I feel like Pushkin's character is another instance of‚‚‚ Wow me and the author's morals really don't align at all#I really don't like the narrative of “weaker people will constantly try to harm and take advantage of strongest ones”#random rambles#Fun fact when I watched this episode for the first time I asked my mother to join me. Because I know a ss/kk scene was coming and I really–#didn't want to watch it alone. Well as it turned out the whole first half of the episode was dedicated to old man fighting–#and she gave up after that 😂😂 But I'm still grateful to her for trying.
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Fully caught up on the manga (minus spoilers for the last chapter) and..... Ya know what maybe I am a villain stan because I just.... Don't trust that anything really changes in society. Everyone outside of heroes, when given speaking parts, seems to indicate that they'll step in or do something in order to protect themselves - not out of any sense of responsibility or community, but to safeguard their lives in case the other person ends up a villain. Or maybe I'm just pessimistic? But we've seen irl time and again that this ending attitude doesn't work. Doesn't have change. Certainly not long lasting change. I really really wanted to finish the series still liking Deku but throughout the fight, every cut back to someone other than Deku, talking about his heart and how good he was and how much he was doing to fight for the person - and the cut back is just "punch". He never responded to Shigaraki's words. He never engaged with the man himself. And at the end of the day, I feel more trust in Uraraka. More trust that she'll actually work on saving people's hearts. And she's back in construction work like her parents. And of course the camera dies and no one sees Toga's heart. Because how dare anyone think a villain could be a person (paraphrased that one interview guy).
I really really wanted to end this manga happy with it. I'm not stupid enough to conflate the reality of the story with fandom. I'm not. I really wanted to enjoy it for what it is. But when they directly ask "how do we fix villains being made" the answer is "you don't. We can't" and ???? That's supposed to be what the manga was working towards this whole time? I - .....
#the bee talks#idk. maybe im just too damaged to fit in society anymore myself. ha.... fuck.#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#i think deku still has a lot of growing up to do. i know blah blah his innocence is ruined and he's irrevocably changed but.#.... i think its more that we see other characters understand more than deku has. horikoshi can write it. he just.... didnt for the guy#we're supposed to have placed our hope and trust in.#mha#bnha#like i feel sick to my stomach because this is devasting but also guilty bc i wanted to like it i was hopeful.#i mean!!!! I STILL LIKE THE ENDING. IM GOOD WITH IT!! i just dont like how the underlying themes were finished.#im not even salty about the villains dying- i feel like being alive wouldve always left a way for horikoshi to be pressured to return to mha#like.... story plot wise im good with it! its just that the last few chapters are supposed to be feel good wrap up and im.... empty.#if i was the same person i was when i first started mha and even up until a few years ago i wouldve really really liked it all.#haaa... maybe I'm just too jaded. sorry yall i really tried my best and I'll enjoy whatever the last chapter holds! i will! i just...#need some time to emotionally remove myself from it i guess. (massive props to Horikoshi for making me care about all of the characters)
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Romarriche - “Your company is one of a kind… I would never lie to you. I would never say a half-truth or be quiet.”
“What is it in your mind, Merold?” “Hearing your voice, complaint or not—it is music to me either way.”
Merold - “If there is one constant in this world… Let it be you.” “You’re the cruelest and the kindest thing that happened to me.”
“…If only you continued to look at me like that.”
Romarriche - “…Merold?”
Merold - “But~ It’s only a minor case of bad-mood-itis.” “So Romarriche, spoil me with a spar, will you?”
Romarriche - “Merold.”
Romarriche - “Look at me.”
Merold - “…”
Romarriche - “Is something… Wrong?”
Merold - “Instead of a spar…” “I might want to lie down on your lap after all.”
#fragaria memories#merold#romarriche#i wont lie i only had the first line and wanted to write something with it#i was reading this novel and i wanted to write something romantic </3#im gonna babble here on my own so you're always free to skip the tags...#if i remember correctly romarriche and merold were made knights around the same time and I work on that context#i like to think their relationship was rocky at first at romarriche's side who didn't want to befriend merold#compared to merold who thought he finally had a friend his age that was also a knight of fragaria#it was romarriche who looked at merold with a perceived perfection and was compared to him#“...I'll get better and strong. I'll impress everyone so I don't have to hear it--his name repeating over and over again.”#merold who says “if only you continued to look at me like that...” refers back to the past when romarriche didn't think of him favorably#but i like the double meaning to it “please look me as you did before and look at me as you do now”#“cruelest” and “kindest” i was a reading a novel that also used those words so I kinda grabbed from that </3#its really a cute novel though#me reading fragaria memories theories to see if it can at least make sense#i like this but i dont like this at the same time wwww#what does it say about its characters? as a writer i want to care about that because no dialogue should be said without reason#i think this dialogue is perfection but what am i writing this for? who does it refer it? what does it refer to?#but at the end of the day i simply want to indulge myself#something that could sound good and personal and something that could make people who read this smile and myself smile#Merold - “Will you make the promise to never change?”#Romarriche - “Change... But change in what way?”#Merold - “...”#Merold - “Because I'm a knight who fears a lot of things...”#Merold - “And I care about the Romarriche I have now.”#it was never supposed to be detailed but look at me now... </3
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Yesterday I've been doing some proper physical exercise for the first time since last year and I'm just imagining how proud my f/os would be of me🥹
#it was just a 20 minute beginners home workout and I can feel every muscle in my body now but I think they'd be so happy I pushed through!#I've had particularly Heinz and Maximilian on my mind I think they would be sooo happy that I'm trying to take better care of myself💖#Heinz because he's always there anyway of course but I kind of imagine Max is probably overall the fittest out of my f/os#he seems like the kind of guy who'd want to be an example for his soldiers and always hold himself to the same standards as them#he'd be so supportive and cheer me on and be proud of me every time I get myself to do something😭💖💖#I've never particularly enjoyed doing sports (aside horse riding but in the past year I didn't have time anymore for that bc of uni😭😭)#so I didn't really do anything anymore after I finished school#I started doing simple home workouts last year but in winter my mental health went a little📉 and then I had no motivation to keep going#dunno how long I'll go through with it this time but better than nothing I guess#again with the home workouts lmao bc driving to the nearest gym ain't worth the time for me and I'd need some basic fitness first anyway#I'm doing it mainly for health reasons but this time I'm also motivated to actually get a bit stronger#I don't mind looking like a stick figure and I'm overall content with my body (maybe it could help me to look a bit more masc tho?👀👀)#but I know especially for my posture and such it would be good if my muscles were just a tad bit more developed#my mum was proud of me too when I told her about it hehe :) she works in healthcare she's always a little concerned#she's just a little worried about me getting health issues when I'm older that could be avoided by taking proper care of my body now#I get where she's coming from but it's not easy but at least I'm motivated to try again now :)#selnia talks
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me: I'm an average Sonic Fan
Also me:
#Trust me..... I even have clothing too#to match my custom made hat I did and the crocs I got.#I've been a sonic fan since middle school pal. So I've been here for a while.#and I'm never leaving since this#this right here is my hyperfixation#i know a lot and already have the best car in team sonic racing to always win first place losers!!#i think I'm normal#what does normal mean again?#my room is like one of those pinterest things where they show a room that's insanely themed on one thing.#That's me but I still am collecting and getting more sonic merch and things#Especially that guitar for one of the anniversaries#I don't know how to play guitar but I'll learn#I really love sonic and I make it too obvious on myself#Anyways#sth#rambles#sonic the hedgehog#sth fandom#sonic#The comics are always good as well especially with Chilli dogs to go along with it#that's how I spent sonic's birthday last year.#oh! i even watched sonic prime on that day as well. But now I'm too behind and lost to continue watching it
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end of march is crazy for writing like i have a 1.5k essay im doing today and tomorrow, a 2k word essay im doing wednesday and a 1k word research proposal im doing friday. and in the remaining week of the month i am WILLINGLY going to finish taob (~10k OPTIMISTICALLY) and make a solid start on tams (~5k-10k depending on how well writing goes). like yes girl write around 20k words worth of MULTIPLE PROJECTS in a handful of days there is no way this can end badly at all
#'hella no one is pressuring you to post anything if you arent able to or are overwhelmed by the barrage of uni work you have atm' stfu#i cannot stress enough the moment i give myself a self-imposed deadline for a fic it HAS to be met#like you guys could beg me to chill out and i simply would not cave#also i just got back from dnd and it was such a good session like i have actual friends there now#and the DM from today actually messaged me on facebook afterwards saying how much he enjoyed playing with me#and he said i brought a lot to the table and my interaction was 'better than some people that have been playing for 5+ years'#I GOT A GOOD GRADE IN DND SOMETHING THAT IS BOTH NORMAL TO WANT AND POSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE#and next week is the first week im going without my mate bc she's away so i was a little nervous#but then this guy that's basically adopted us was like 'omg i'll make sure we're on a table together so you at least know me!'#which was nice enough on its own BUT THEN this dm that's been playing for over 40 years who always chats with us after#was like INSISTANT that we go on his table next week which im SO buzzing for bc he's like a veteran player he knows SO MUCH#and it felt very cool that he was actively inviting us like i dont think that's something he does often#hehehe im having fun with the freaks and weirdos <3333#hella goes to uni
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n*loth is literally a demon i mean iHold on YAAASSSSS!
i mean it 😒😒😒
#text#nlvs very universal love story i believe from n*loth POV it can be read as a normal romance if you ignore all the concerning shit he's -#- thinking. but from t*lvas POV and 3rd person it's an actual horror story (deserve)#but tbh not even t*lvas is as scared as the 3rd party witnessing all of it happen . if there was a 3rd parttyyy. omg. so sad#anyways enough about them..... i wanted to talk about drawing ✍#i think traditional art has a lot of power to kick you to improving especially if you're trying it for the first time after a really long -#- while (Meee) and it doesn't feel as 'consumeristic' as digital art feels to me#cus anytime i sit down to draw something digitally 9 times outta 10 i'll just be trying to out-do myself in the way i execute an idea#in terms of colors or composition or anything i can do#such a tryharddd iUUugh but in traditional i turn my brain off and live the same life and share a brain with my pencil. and nothing feels -#- boring. or like 'i already drew this 😑' i'll just be chilling#but @ the same time it might stunt me because of it's comfortability#i mean idc but still i can get better in many ways && i want tu ......#to Be honest it feels like i can only do 'Cool' ideas digitally and traditional is for stuff that is 'easier'#but it is indeed freeing#i love u-god bbbbbbbbb#i mean not like i do art studies a lot cus i don't think it's something i need at this very moment i'm happy with where my art is#but @ heart i will always! Always be a tryhard#like look at what i can doo (speaking to mirror)#my nelothian narcissism ......? Huh#i love adding -ian to pairings and names now
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