#I'll try to get my server behind it lol

[megamindsecretlair]

I See Red

Pairing: Black Noir x Black!Fem!reader/plus size reader

Warnings: 18+ only. MINORS DNI. You are in charge of your own reading experience. Primal dom Black Noir, Dark elements. Cursing, PIV, SMUT, fingering (fem receiving), bratty reader. Black Noir and reader is aroused by hunting/being hunted. Sorry if I missed others. No spoilers for Season 4.

Summary: You filled in for your friend, working as a server during a party featuring Vought leadership and Supes. All night, you've been playing with Black Noir. Who's hunting who when you lure him out into the garden maze? 

AO3 Link

Word count: 2,664k

A/N: WHEW, sometimes when the feral hounds get to howling, I must answer that call. My fam was in rare form tonight so I'll take it as my sign to chill out lol. Toss a coin to your blogger by leaving a comment, reblog, or unhinged ask.

Taglist: @chaos-4baby @00aijia00 @amethyst09 @ciaqui @we-outsiiiide @browngirldominion @iv0rysoap @thecookiebratz @harmshake @judymfmoody @multiversefanfics @tvchi @twocentuar @umber-cinders @planetblaque

God, your feet hurt. You had been working the party all night, working hard to keep Supe’s drowning in liquor and drugs and the Vought leadership blissfully in lust chasing after them. This was your last fucking party. Your friend could keep this gig. You didn’t need money that badly.

You’ll miss exploring rich mansions, though. This was the closest you’d ever get to knowing how the other half lived. They took all of this acreage for granted. It was an everyday sight to them. They looked at the lush gardens and intricate pathways and saw the money they hemorrhaged trying to keep it afloat. To impress other rich pricks who had too much money and time on their hands. You’d love to have their problems. 

You snagged a glass of champagne from the kitchen, intending to take your break out in the gardens in the back of the mansion. The lighting was softer out here, muted in such a way to give it a hazy, dreamlike look. 

The gardens out here boasted rich purples, bright pinks, and summery oranges. There were still some people out here, giggling and glasses clinking somewhere in the distance. The air was chilly, near frigid, but felt amazing on your overheated skin. 

The soft, shimmery cherry red dress you wore tickled your thick thighs as you took off your heels and padded down the stone steps towards the maze. You discarded your empty glass on the pillar at the bottom of the steps. The maze had instantly grabbed your attention as you received the “don’t fuck up” talk from the manager, Elliot. He was an ass, thought himself more important than God, but all you did was tune him out as you looked towards the maze.

You took the last step and then hopped quickly onto the grassy knoll, the ground too cold for your aching feet. You sighed as your toes squished in the grass, a light mist making your feet wet. But that was okay. The dew added to the atmosphere and if you closed your eyes, you’d swear that you stepped into another world.

The maze loomed above you, hedges taller than ten feet. Perhaps bigger. You looked behind you to check for anyone nearby. Your eyes snagged on Black Noir standing outside the doors you just exited. 

Your heart skipped a beat, drinking him in. He was so mysterious. But with an obvious, dangerous swagger like he could snap your neck in half and then carry about his day like it didn’t faze him. All night, you felt like he was watching you. All night, you dodged from room to room just to see what he’d do.

He’d stalk from room to room right after you. Sometimes you let him catch you. He’d sidle up next to you and tilt his head, never saying anything. It was his whole thing. But you wondered what his voice sounded like. Or what he looked like. He could be horrendous underneath the stretch of black across his face. 

No one with that much presence could be ugly right? You blamed your mask kink as you waited for Black Noir to zero in on you before taking off into the maze. You turned and turned, scurrying down pathways whether they lead somewhere or not. You weren’t sure how big the maze was, but that made it more exciting.

Clouds of breath escaped you as your imagination took off. You knew Black Noir was behind you somewhere. When would he catch you? What would you let him do if he did? 

You ducked down a few more pathways, nothing but the stars and moon to guide you overhead. This was nuts. This was one of the wildest things you’d ever done. But when would you ever get the chance to do this? Since this was the last party you covered for your friend, you intended to go out with a bang. 

You giggled to yourself at your wild thoughts before covering your mouth with your hand. This was a supe you were up against. You weren’t quite sure about his powers and that only added to the thrill. 

Did your red dress give you away? A twig snapped behind you and you whirled around, expecting to see Black Noir. There was nothing. Nothing but hedges surrounding you. The light hoot of an owl. A breeze ruffled your flyaway hairs, a sheen of sweat settling between your breasts and on the back of your legs. 

A rustling noise made you duck down a nearby pathway, spurned to fleeing at the prospect of being hunted by Black Noir. He was usually quiet as a church mouse. Were these sounds due to natural critters in the maze? Or was Black Noir playing with you? 

Your thighs tingled and your pussy throbbed. You thought you took enough turns, you were completely lost. You weren’t sure how he could find you in this. You controlled your breathing, stepped quietly, and you kept your eyes pricked for any sign of movement. 

You turned down one final path that led to the middle of the maze. Set in a wide square, the middle had a few benches and a fountain. There was a statue in the middle of the fountain, a young naked maiden pouring water from a giant pot in her hands. Her hair flowed down the middle of her back, inlaid with stone flowers. 

Shit like this was wasted on the rich. You could spend eternity here just cataloging all of the details on the statue. Was it Greek inspired? You stepped closer, momentarily forgetting that you were trying to entice Black Noir. 

Remembering that, you inched closer to the entrance. You looked both ways and then turned to the fountain. The water trickled and the breeze turned biting. 

You sighed. Maybe he wasn’t interested. Maybe he was tired of the chase. Maybe you played hard to get for one minute too long and Black Noir found someone more willing. You pouted and gave one final look at the fountain.

The cool smell of leather wafted to your nose as a gloved hand clamped down over your mouth. You tried screaming, but it was muffled by his hand. You struggled, fighting, clawing to get free but the solid mountain behind you was unforgiving. 

You looked up and back, into the visor of Black Noir. You still struggled, more excited than scared this time. Black Noir wrapped a large arm around your middle and yanked you from the ground. Your feet kicked, trying to connect with his legs but he was an expert. He held you far enough away where you couldn’t touch him.

Black Noir suddenly let you go. You dropped to your feet with a huff before turning around and backing away from him. Black Noir tilted his head and stalked forward. 

“Found me,” you said and smiled, holding up a hand to ward him off. 

Black Noir nodded.

“I was hoping you would,” you said. You felt silly, like you were talking to yourself. But Black Noir tilted his head again, like he was questioning your statement. You bit your lip, not answering him. 

You really wanted to hear his voice. But then again, half the fun would be gone. Once you knew who was underneath, it’d ruin the mystery and the intrigue. You backed away all the way to the fountain. The edge of the fountain hit the back of your thighs and you stopped. No more room. 

Not unless you wanted to try running around him. You looked past him and Black Noir stepped into your line of sight. You giggled. “Not gonna let me get away again?” You asked.

Black Noir shook his head. 

“How will you get me to stay?” You asked.

Black Noir cracked his neck, rolling it, before stepping to the side in a wide stance, somehow making himself look bigger. More intimidating. Your heartbeat was loud in your ears, thumping harshly in your veins. 

You feinted to the left and Black Noir jerked to the side. You giggled, doing the same thing on your right and Black Noir cut off your escape. You grinned as you pretended to run to the right, turning at the last minute, and dodging Noir’s outstretched hands. You did it! You were free!

That feeling was short-lived as Noir scooped you up by your middle, lifting you and walking backwards until you were right back where you started. He dropped you at the edge of the fountain, grabbing a fistful of hair and yanked you back.

The moan escaped you way too fast. You wanted to be coy. Wanted to drag this out and be a smoking hot target. Instead, you were just too damn needy. 

Noir put his face close to yours. Not a word. He nudged your exposed neck with his nose while his free hand ghosted across your chest. You stuck your boobs out, wanting him to do more than this. 

He ignored you, moving his hand to grab a handful of your tummy and squeeze. You moaned again, rubbing your backside against his front. 

Noir moved his hand to lift up your dress, cupping your mound and squeezing. “Fuck!” You moaned out. No mercy. He squeezed to the point of pain, savoring your cries, before rubbing your pussy over your panties. 

“More, more, please,” you cried out. 

Noir pushed your panties down your legs, only giving you enough slack on your hair to let you kick them off. Your skin was on fire. Blood boiling. Pussy throbbing. 

Noir pushed you forward and the palms of your hands stung from the rough stone of the fountain. Your breaths came out in shuddering waves as you were bent over the railing. Noir kept his hold on your hair while you heard his zipper ripping through the night air. 

Noir breathed harshly. A sound! It should not thrill you this much to get a hint of a sound out of him, but fuck. This was going to fuel your fantasies for months. Possibly even years. 

Noir gasped as he removed his glove. You couldn’t see his hand. It was too dark. But you did feel as he moved his fingers through your dripping folds. You moaned, legs giving out. Noir pulled your hair until you stood up straighter and you cried out. 

He wasn’t pulling hard enough to do any real damage. Just a little sting. Just enough force to show you that he was in control. 

Noir continued to play with your pussy, rubbing his fingers around your clit and inside your entrance. You leaked all over him, creating a neat little river that began to leak down your legs. 

Noir pulled your hair. “Oh god, feels so good. So good. So damn good,” you chattered, not sure what you were saying and not truly giving a fuck. This was the most fun you’d ever had during sex. You wished that you could freeze this moment. Or expand it, stretch time as long as you need to in order to experience this for as long as possible. 

You were racing towards an orgasm in no time, screaming into the night like a wild banshee. Who cared who was around at the moment? They were all getting their rocks off, it was only fitting that you did as well. 

Noir continued to finger you, continued pumping his long, thick fingers inside and drawing out another orgasm. 

“Please, please,” you whimpered, not sure what you were begging for. Each orgasm was too quick, too short. Not enough, not nearly enough. You rubbed onto Noir like a purring cat, rubbed your ass against his armor clad groin. 

Another harsh gasp from him. He pushed you forward until you were fully bent over the fountain. He grabbed your hip and pulled you against him. He worked his pants down low enough, slapping a big dick against your wet pussy.

The wet slapping sounds were loud. You had so much slick dripping out of you. He rubbed his dick back and forth, getting the tip wet with your juices. “Fuck me, fuck me,” you begged. Enough with the teasing. You felt ready to jump out of your skin. You were needy. And feral. 

Noir’s hold on your hair tightened as he slapped your ass hard enough to make you hiss with pain. You shook with raw need, pussy clenching around open air. He smacked you again for good measure and you moaned, sticking your ass out.

“I’m sorry, I’ll behave,” you whimpered.

Noir continued with coating his dick in your juices before finally breaching your entrance. He stopped short of entering you fully, waiting. For what you weren’t sure. You pushed against him with a deep groan, pushed your ass backwards in an attempt to slip him inside. 

It wasn’t until you stopped, until you grew still enough, that Noir slammed inside in one savage thrust. “Oh god!” You screamed, legs shaking on his dick. He was so big, a delicious stretch spearing you. 

He drew back until just the tip was inside and then slammed back in. He continued this savage push and pull, driving you insane. You couldn’t pay attention to the rhythm he tried to set. It only felt like not enough. 

You tried to slam him back faster, trying to get that lethal recoil going. Noir stopped and yanked your head back far enough to earn him a cry. You bit your lip and looked at him with a sweet smile. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll behave,” you said. 

Noir hovered over your back, using his size to cage you in. He nudged your neck with his nose, shuddering breaths quiet in your ear. You moaned as he slid back in, increasing his strokes, hitting a spot deep inside.

“Don’t stop! Don’t stop! That’s my spot! Right there!” You moaned and cried. He hit a spot so deep you started to see stars. 

Noir obliged you, hitting that spot over and over until you were an incoherent mess, dribbling, and mumbling as a powerful orgasm ripped through you. The edges of your vision turned blurry, as you surrendered to the ecstasy. 

As you came down, Noir’s hold didn’t lessen as he snapped his hips against yours. Soft, panting grunts in your ear that made your pussy clench onto him tighter, hold him in deeper. He let out a muffled groan and finally spilled himself inside you.

His hot, pulsing cum squelched as it mixed with your own essence. He continued snapping his hips like he couldn’t help it. Like he couldn’t stop. You gripped onto his warm thigh, throwing that ass right back on him so you could milk him for every drop. 

Your panting breaths were louder than his as he softened. He pulled out and adjusted himself. You remained faced forward to allow him time to zip himself back up. When you heard the zipper go back up, you dared a glance behind you.

He was right back to the stoic, monolith of a man as he stared in your direction. “Fuck, that was amazing,” you giggled, feeling drunk just off the strength of his fucking. You had enough moonlight to spot your red lace panties on the ground.

Noir was faster, snatching it before your fingers could close around the cloth. You grinned at Noir as he put a finger against his mask and tucked your panties into his pocket. 

“You really gonna leave me here like this?” You asked. 

Noir nodded slowly. “Asshole,” you smirked. 

You walked around him and Noir followed the movement, twisting his body all the way around. You backed away, heading for the entrance. You were thoroughly tired, legs aching, but still, you found that you wanted more. The night was still young-ish.

You blew a kiss at Noir. “Catch me if you can,” you sang as you danced out of the maze, picking up speed when you heard Noir scramble after you.

There will be more! The Secret Black Noir Files

[zangtang]

some thin guys from last week, mostly posted as an excuse to ask - any people in the UK found DallE broken for them? It stopped working last night and hasn't started again, but I'm getting a "sorry, we're working on it" rather than a "you've been suspended." One other UK person has it as far as I know, but it seems fine for Americans. Are we just coincidentally banned or is it a local server thing? -edit: horror! it seems limited to 25 uses a day now, though the error message does not suggest this. Maybe it's temporary, to give the devs time to do something else. I get the impression that some people are very, very busy behind the scenes trying to fix things. And that perhaps unlimited usage was a mistake.. Also lol at my posts last week being like "wow they really cracked down on belly reveals, and that's the last AI i'll be doing for a while."

[gurugirl]

I love stepdad Harry! Always brings a smile to my face when i see youve posted (guilty pleasure yum). Thank you for the last one!

but i cannot get enough of stepmom reader. You’ve made that one into something really special. In fact I told someone about it last week and they were like ~ nope. Not into stepmom stuff or older yn. Nope ~

but then guess what? they wound up reading it and binged all three parts and admitted to me that they were wrong 😂 I’m like ‘yeah I know’

just wanted to share that with you! Your stepmom fic is so shockingly good (not shocking bc you’re not a good writer, shocking bc it’s a trope most of us were not interested in) that it’s quickly become my top 5 all time favorite.

i cannot wait for part 4! I adore them and you so much. Do you have any idea when part 4 will come out? Any sneaky???

ps.. sorry for the weird capitalization stuff going on there. My phone decided when to capitalize randomly and I’m too lazy to fix.

A Good Boy sneak peek under the cut below!

🥹 thank you so much, babe. Really glad you liked the stepdad!harry from yesterday! That was a quick little fun thing to write.

As for stepmom!reader - wow! I really love that you're liking it so much and talking about it with other people and that your friend changed their mind 😂 Seems to be the theme for that fic. So many of y'all didn't think you'd like it based on the trope alone but I'm surprised that you guys did enjoy it anyway! Makes me smile.

So, I'm almost done with part 4. I think I can have it out by Thursday? Maybe? I'm super busy today (well, busy for me LOL) and gonna try to write but I've also got something I'm working on that someone paid me to write so I'm prioritizing that. Thursday at the earliest I'll post part 4 but I'll let y'all know.

And the random capitalization? My phone does the same. 😂 The words can't, can, and don't often get capitalized in the middle of sentences and it's a crapshoot on when the beginning of a sentence will be capitalized or not. I need to turn it off so it just leaves everything lowercase. So no judgement from me!

Sneak peek below !! (just remember this is literally copied from the word doc I'm writing in and hasn't been proofread or edited so some changed may be made before I post part 4)

Y/n was wearing her newly altered peach silk dress. The alterations were simple. The straps and hem were adjusted and the back column was dropped down a bit to drape to her low back. Her strappy nude heels were well-worn but comfortable because she was just simply not in the mood to wear the stiff, new heels she’d just bought.

The estate of Rebecca Manera was impressive. Probably equally as impressive as Leonardo Styles’. Most of the guests had already arrived by the time the Styles’ walked through the front door a little late.

Leo scolded Y/n for taking so long to get ready and making them run behind but in all honesty, she didn’t give a fuck. They could be half an hour late. No one would care. Why rush to go to a party? It’s not like they needed to clock in and earn a paycheck.

“It’s rude, Y/n. That’s why it matters. You’re so goddamn rude sometimes. You only think about yourself.”

She turned sharply to look at her husband in shock. That was the first time he’d ever said such a thing to her. Normally he had no opinion on how she conducted herself. She was chronically late. Yes, she could admit that was a flaw in her character but she was on time when it really counted. But to get so worked up over a party? And to insult her on top of it?

That had set the whole mood for the night. And now she was even more suspicious about this Rebecca.

But when Rebecca did make her appearance and introduced herself to Y/n she was taken aback. The woman had to be in her 50s. She was pretty, sure, but not quite Leo’s type. If Y/n were any sort of indicator of a type.

Servers walked around with trays and served the couples in attendance. There were only ten couples there as well as Rebecca’s two daughters, Y/n learned. Quite the intimate affair really.

Leo brought a glass of wine to Y/n as she chatted with Mrs. Topman (she never learned her first name, as the woman literally introduced herself as Mrs. Topman).

“Here you are darling.” His green eyes shined down at her before searching the room casually. She was on to Leo. But she found it odd that the woman he was with in the Hamptons was Rebecca. She was intrigued.

She watched Rebecca mingle and sip wine and laugh and there was nothing there that made Y/n think Leo would be interested in her sexually. But maybe that was it, Y/n thought to herself as she cocked her head to the side watching the woman speak boisterously. Maybe it wasn’t sexual. Maybe it was a woman he felt a deeper connection with than he did with Y/n. Perhaps it hadn’t started sexual but led there.

The snack table was set up with decadent treats. Y/n picked up a toast smeared with something pink, topped with heart-shaped tomatoes on top as she scanned the room for Leo, wondering where he’d gone off to. It hadn’t been that long but knowing about Rebecca being with him made things feel like she was in some kind of true crime detective story and was trying to get to the bottom of a mystery. Though there was no crime being committed, she could entertain herself with that thought.

“Are you enjoying your time tonight?”

Y/n turned her sight to Rebecca who was next to her picking up the same toast with pink schmear.

“It’s amazing. Your home is so lovely, Mrs. Manera,” she smiled and noted the woman’s massive diamond ring in addition to her massive diamond wedding ring.

“Why thank you. Phineas has put in so much work to make this large shell into a lovely cozy home.”

Y/n nearly spat her bite out. The home was anything but cozy.

“It’s incredible. Where is Mr. Manera tonight?”

“Oh, just over there,” she pointed to a man in tweed with thick black-framed glasses, “You haven’t met yet?”

Rebecca led the way as Y/n walked in her wake to meet Mr. Manera. She had still not spotted her own husband.

“Phineas, dear, this is Mrs. Styles. Leonardo’s wife.”

The man held his hand out, “Very nice to meet you, Mrs. Styles.”

“Likewise. You can call me Y/n.”

 “Well, Y/n. We’re happy to have you here. Where’s Leo anyway? Haven’t seen him.”

Turning around quickly to look over her shoulder she shrugged and faced the man and his wife again, “Not sure actually. I haven’t seen him in a bit myself,” she laughed. And before she could even think about what she was implying she spoke to Rebecca, “But I’m sure you’ve seen enough of him since you saw him in the Hampton’s this weekend.”

Rebecca and Phineas’ smiles dropped as they looked at one another and then back to Y/n, “I haven’t been to the Hamptons in over a decade. Are you sure you’re not mistaking me for Parker? Our daughter? She was just there all weekend with her girlfriends.”

A Good Boy Masterlist

A Good Boy tags: @becauseheartsgetbroken-hs @shishcabobsworld @daphnesutton @spinnerswife69 @holy-macncheese-balls @cookielovesbook-akie @lilfreakjez @itsgigikay @amateurduck

[tea-and-secrets]

god i just need to get this off my chest.

so essentially when I was super young, like.. 11, i faked my own death online, posing as a girl who was 15/16 or so, if i remember correctly. i don't remember why, i think i was genuinely on the brink or something, and decided that, yeah, it would be the best way to cope. i DID try and go through with it but i was also 11 and didn't know what to do or anything, and i was really embarrassed because i had caused so much pain to people over it. these people were so close to me though, so i decided i had to come back, using an alt and claiming to be a friend of that person.

along the road, there were a lot of other misunderstandings, but it was fine, i made new friends.

a few years later, i kinda lose it again, and i lie and use another alt account based off of my real life partner at the time and invite it to a server and 'date' her. made her really mean and everything too to my friends. i never meant what i said, but that doesn't excuse me behaviour. i was sorta clambering though, because after that, i lost.. basically everyone. i regret the confrontation because they did it at like.. 11PM my time, and i was scared and i was so fucking young and i didn't know how to deal with what was happening and so all i could do was put on that sort of smarmy "mature front" that most 14/15 year olds do. all of those people were way older than me too, by the way.

i'm clean now, somewhat, i guess. i'm older and i have new friends and they're the world to me but . day by day those circles are starting to crossover. two of my friends have gotten close with people from those groups, and i'm scared that one day it'll all fall apart. i don't know what I'll do then.

i don't really know what my new friends will think when they learn the details of what happened to me years ago, honestly.

it's not like everything is a lie, either though. i've gone through... so, so much outside of that. most of the things i lied about became truth as i got older anyways, but i still feel horrible lol

there's so much more to it but honestly i just regret everything. i've been living a lie for like six years and I'll have to keep it up. I've gotten help now, and as I matured and grew older, I left behind those attention seeking habits. i just wish the people i hurt would be able to see the person I've become today and realise i was barely a teenager when everything happened. i know it doesn't change the damage i did, by saying i was just a kid, but.. i still think it's still significant. i'm a stand up guy now and everything, too. i work in a field where i can make a difference directly, helping kids who were just like me when i was super young, and i started using my talents for good, i guess.

i doubt the people i hurt will ever recognise me or this but if they do i'm so fucking sorry for everything. you guys were genuinely some of the nicest people i had ever met and i had no reason to hurt you all like that. i was broken and i was unwell, but i should've asked for help rather than running away all those years ago. sorry for never coming clean to you directly about the start of my web of lies. i did end up losing my best friend like i said years ago but she wasn't the girl you guys knew. i want to leave and start again once I'm a little older now but.. that means hurting the solid foundation i have now. there's a lot more to this but, still.

maybe i should stop picking at the scab of the wound though and find it in myself to move on. thank you for reading i guess

.

[dragonmarquise]

Everyone keeps talking Abt all the crews and stuff, but like, I never see any content for futurism! Sure there wasn't a lot of stuff for them since they were like, a really small part of the plot, but it would still be awesome to see content for them!!!! So I come bearing a question, do you have hcs for futurism?

Ooo, I have a few for FUTURISM! Not as extensive as my stuff for Devil Theory and DOT EXE, but still. :>

(I know some people kinda debate writing it as FUTURISM vs. Futurism, I'm gonna personally keep all caps but I also understand most people probably don't care either way lol)

Also feel free to send in asks about the other crews/characters too! I might not have a lot for each character though. I also have a general list of LGBT+ headcanons for all the BRC characters, if that interests you! Granted, it's probably not as extensive as some other people's lists.

Anyways, gonna put this under a Read More, it won't get nearly as long as the other two headcanon sets, but it'll be long enough that I'll feel bad about posting this without one. ^^;

I like giving all the crew members themed names, and for FUTURISM I went with computer-related terms! Some of them more obscure than others. So for the members (besides DJ Cyber of course):

Jazz (Related to the Chorus/Jazz version of JavaOS)

Quantum (i.e. quantum computing)

Veronica (an old search engine)

Nyx (The name of a prototype Amiga chipset, though also Greek personification of the night!)

I have a personal idea that after the events of the game, one member from each of the major crews end up joining BRC, basically representing the unlockable characters in the post game. In this case, Nyx is the one who joins BRC (and in my mind she's the default Spring palette in the game), so let's start with her!

Bi, currently dating one of the Eclipse ladies (inspired by this very good fan art btw :D )

All of the FUTURISM gals have amazing skills both with computers and as writers. Nyx ends up being one of two Designated IT Person for BRC, the other being Cueball.

Her and Cueball get into little prank wars, mostly instigated by Cueball for the hell of it. Her opinion of him ranges from genuine respect for his own computer skills to Chump Lord Supreme. Depends on her mood (and how much Cueball has recently pissed her off before asking her about it, lol)

As for the rest of BRC: "Well, they're still kinda chumps, but I guess they're my chumps now, y'know?"

Not afraid to be snarky, even to authority figures (DJ Cyber included)

Now for Jazz (Summer palette):

Is actually a guy who crossdresses! Does drag shows on the weekends too. :D

She is personally not very picky about pronouns, but most people default to referring to Jazz with she/her while in her writer outfit or as her drag persona (she goes by Jazz for both anyways), and he/him when he's not dressed up. But again, not very picky either way.

"I'm just saying, when the cops try to chase me down, they're gonna be looking for a blonde woman, not a guy with dark hair and stubble. Literally, one time I ran around a corner and managed to take off my wig and mask, then just covered up my top with a hoodie I had. Same pants and shoes, but they didn't even notice!"

Truthfully the crossdressing thing was genuinely just for fun, not to mention pretty comfortable while going around doing writer stuff. It wasn't until a while later that she realized it would make for a great disguise as a writer. :P

Nyx and Jazz are basically Besties and will be more than happy to smacktalk about their respective crews behind everyone's backs, lol

Now Quantum (Winter palette):

Runs an underground (kinda literally) server farm for local web hosting, chat sites, and forums. Anyone remember forums? Man, the good ol' days...

Has a hand in a lot of open source freeware projects. Hates companies like Adobe, Apple, Google, and Microsoft with a passion. Big Linux nerd btw, she will talk you ear off about the pros and cons of different distros if you let her.

Actually on that note, if you're not talking to her while she's out and about as a writer, or otherwise talking to her about computer stuff, she's fairly introverted! Especially if you try to talk to her in person instead of via text/chat/email/etc, she's basically more talkative online.

Also very good at sneaking around. Though not really as like spying or anything like that, she just prefers to not get in people's way or annoy them. Unfortunately she has scared DJ Cyber more than once by sneaking up on him by accident, lol

Wears contacts as a writer, but otherwise wears glasses normally. Has been considering getting prescription heavy-duty goggles for her writer activities, so that she doesn't have to bother with the contacts anymore.

And finally Veronica (Autumn palette):

She is genuinely a jerk. Nyx can be snarky sometimes, but not in an overly mean way. Veronica will be more than happy to be nasty to someone if she thinks they deserve it, even if they really don't.

Always looks down on pretty much any other writer outside of FUTURISM. She's still convinced Felix cheated to get his reputation, especially the whole "did it with no boostpack" thing.

Most people would probably consider her a stereotypical Karen ngl :u

So yeah, she's basically That One Teammate Nobody Likes. Veronica is only still in the crew because her skills are second only to DJ Cyber himself. Hell, he really doesn't like her attitude, but can't find a replacement for her in terms of skills. (He's begged Vinyl to formally join FUTURISM in the past, but she always declined, preferring to keep being a freelance writer. And now that she's part of BRC, she's definitely not an option for replacing Veronica, lmao)

She had a crush on Faux, but these days refuses to admit it was ever a thing.

That's about all I got I think! Hope you enjoy these. :>

Small bonus, specific track from the game that I associate with FUTURISM the most: Funk Express!

[basilone]

🪖HBOWAR Fandom Q/A 🪖

I was tagged by @sharkboyandlavalieb & @fidelias, ty both 💚

Name/ Alias: you can call me Killy Country: the Netherlands Which of the series have you seen - BoB, TP, GK, MotA: all of them! Use an emoji or ONE word to describe your favourite character in an hbowar miniseries: BoB - 🔪 TP - 🥇 GK - 🚑 MotA - 🌹 Ultimate ship (if any): Bucky/Buck just stole my keys this past weekend (as they also did when I read the book ages ago lol) so lemme go with them for now Favourite fic (yes I made this q&a just to get fic recs): I have a fic rec list!! It's mostly BoB-centric because that's what was originally asked, but it will give you a good sense of the sort of fics I like. Here it is. What are some ways you interact in the fandom?: I make a fair few gifsets and edits, so that's how I think most people know me in this fandom? I also write fics, though, and that's where my heart really lies if I'm honest with you! And I also try to react to people's posts in some way where possible, though I'm not a serial reblogger by any means and am behind on my reading like whoa. I'm always up for a chat through DM or through Discord, too, and I'm active in a few public HBO War-related servers as well as one small non-public one where I bounce my ideas before y'all see them. So if you ever wanna come say hi and chat for longer than Tumblr allows, shoot me a message and I'll make sure we can chat on Discord. Favourite colour: blue! Current favourite song: Kasey Chambers - Lose Yourself (which is a cover of an Eminem song unlike anything you've ever heard) What would you say if I held up a can of peaches?: wouldn't say anything, I'd grab a can opener and drink it all up H Co Style™. Complete this sentence: “Where the hell is ___ company?!” F!! Freakin' F Co. Bunch of yokels. Other accounts or socials?: my main blog is over on @captainkilly and I am on Discord, other socials are irrelevant. List one other fandom member (mutual or a follower you admire) for some appreciation: @mastersoftheair for being the absolute A+++ best for all these years seeing us through to MotA's premiere and beyond. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now but I want to express full appreciation for you, and thank you for making my giffing job marginally easier by identifying some of these fellas in your posts. 💚 Tags: I'm tagging anyone who's not been tagged yet, tadaa. Because it's a Sunday night and I'm a lazy woman.

[a-queer-seminarian]

sigh. i'm so tired of dreams where i'm somehow back at my childhood church and trying to get out of there before i'm recognized and yelled at / attacked. i dream some iteration of this a few times a month.

they are interesting dreams though, because of how they shift and change.

sometimes the church looks like it does now, but more often it looks like it did when i was a kid / up through high school — they redid the entire sanctuary building while i was in undergrad (which is quite fitting narratively lol, that the building itself was demolished and remade while i was undergoing huge changes in myself off at college, so that what i returned to was never quite Familiar, an uncanny valley version of the place i loved most as a child)

the changes the church underwent:

they carefully removed the altar, crucifix, tabernacle, stained glass windows and tore down the old building, then placed all those treasured items in the new, larger sanctuary.

(a fun thing about that altar: it has relics of Felicity and Perpetua inside it, i.e. THE sapphic Saints)

The pews went from two straight rows to having some diagonal rows on the sides.

I want to say the floor is stone now instead of the old burgundy carpet that i remember so well growing up, and that is present in my parents' wedding photos

There are still the small gold fonts of holy water at the side doors, but the main entrance boasts a whole holy water fountain now which is pretty cool

all that statues and images of Jesus and co are, of course, white people. as it was as i grew up, so it is now. i just notice it way more now than i did then

my favorite addition is to one side, a shrine to Our Lady of the Wayside, which i wrote about years ago. I don't know what significance she has to whomever decided to give her space at St. Raphael, but her name alone is so queer — she's there with those who are left behind on the wayside, forgotten or abandoned or unable to keep up.

Sometimes in my dreams the old and the new tangle up, so that i'll exit the new sanctuary and find myself in the old gym, or the old behind-the-scenes space where i'd go to change into my altar serving alb, ready the candles, pray with the priest and other servers before Mass began. (I can't remember what the new behind-space looks like; i only ever went in there a handful of times. So it never shows up in my dreams)

Or in some of my dreams the church looks completely different from reality, expanded into a cathedral — last night the sanctuary looked similar to what it used to on its ground floor, but it had a second level wrapped around the sides for even more pews, with an enormous statue of Raphael in the very back watching over everything.

Most of the time I'm hiding. Fleeing. Trying to escape unseen. Sometimes it's the middle of Mass and i somehow accidentally ended up there? i'm hiding my face trying to hustle to the exit but they're all locked so i have to play it cool, act casual. Or else i'm lost in those back rooms with the albs and such; they've become labyrinthine and i keep passing the doorless spaces where they lead straight onto the raised space with the altar; i can see Father T preaching at the pulpit and my body goes cold fearing he'll turn his head and see me so i hurry on, still hopelessly lost

One time i spent the whole time kneeling before the place to the side of the altar in the old sanctuary building where the tabernacle used to be. Then when i was in high school they moved the tabernacle to be at a more central place right behind the altar, and moved statues of the Holy Family to fill its old space. In my dream the Holy Family and the tabernacle were there, and I knelt in prayer before them. I can't remember what I prayed. Was I desperate for safety or acceptance? Was I defiant? Did I pray for those who persecuted me? I don't remember, but I sure was at it a long time

Every now and then i dream someone does recognize me — and instead of attacking me, they say it's all right. That no one is mad. That i can come back without fear. I hate that version the most because when i wake up it takes me a moment to remember that didn't really happen

[caliowl333]

Writer Goal Ask List for a New Year 🎉

I was asked a couple of writer goals by @calysto1395! 😀 Thank you so much for asking me about my writing goals! (Sorry the askbox wasn't set up yet, LOL 😅)

🛳 Are there any new ships you want to write for? (Platonic, romantic, or anything in between.)

Yes, actually! 😀 I would love to write for Katsuki Bakugou/Izuku Midoriya from My Hero Academia!

I already make so many amvs for them, but I really want to write for them, too! I have an idea that I'm hoping to write this year 😁

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

OMG YES! I have one in particular I'm thinking of for HeiShin, but it would be a SUPER SPOILER so I'll go with a snippet for another HeiShin fic instead 😊

“Here’s your tea, sir!”

Shinichi looks up and smiles at the server beside him, taking in his charming grin and playful, viridian eyes. “Thank you…” He makes an effort to look like he’s studying the other man’s name tag pinned to his apron, even though he knows his name perfectly well. “...Heiji.”

Heiji grins, surprised and wide. “Anything else I can get for you today?”

“How about a little company?” Shinichi asks boldly, secure in the knowledge that his advances won’t be rejected.

Not here, anyway.

“Oh!” Heiji looks around the nearly empty tea shop before turning back to him. “I really shouldn’t…we have customers.” He bites his lip briefly before grinning again. “But I suppose it wouldn’t hurt for a little while. Hey, Kazuha!” He calls over his shoulder as he pulls out the chair opposite Shinichi’s at the little table. “I’m takin’ my 15!”

“Ugh, fine! But keep yer flirtin’ to 15 minutes, please!” She calls back from somewhere behind the cafe’s large counter.

Heiji laughs as he settles across from Shinichi and rests his chin in a propped up hand. “So, bold stranger. What now?”

“Why don’t you tell me about yourself?” Shinichi asks, taking a sip of his tea. It’s perfect, just the way he always takes it, and he smirks at the man across from him. “I’d love to learn more about the handsome barista I see every morning.”

Heiji’s eyebrows fly up and his mouth opens slightly in surprise. Shinichi loves that expression on him; moreso when he’s the cause. He doesn’t have the opportunity to catch Heiji off-guard often.

(One of the reasons he enjoys it here so much.)

Heiji laughs and rakes his eyes over Shinichi’s form slowly. “All right, stranger,” he smirks, making smoldering eye-contact. “You asked for it.”

Shinichi grins back, relaxing into his seat as Heiji opens his mouth-

And promptly fades to black, along with the entire scene.

“...No!” Shinichi yells into the aether, trying to keep a firm grip on the coffee mug that evaporates into thin air. “Wait-!”

Only silence and darkness answer him.

Shinichi sighs and folds his arms over his chest as he sulks into the void.

Not again.

[chacolachao]

HI!!!!! your art is absolutely incredible! may i ask how you plan out your panels? how did you get so good at doing that?

Hi!! Thank you very much! This is a hard question to answer but I'll see if I can find the sketch versions to help--------- ok this is gonna look really silly but they kinda start out like this:

Where, after reading what this page needed to have in it (which was a lot to cram into one page lol) I sectioned off generally what I wanted the page to look like. Usually I aim to have the page have something really intense with sweeping lines in only one section, and then balance it out with a structured area below or above it. In this case, the plan was for the first panel be the intense part and let the rest of the page have more solid boxes. Other than that my general plan for page layout is boxed row next to no boxes and never all boxes or no boxes for a page unless its a spread.

So after looking over the script again and figuring out how many people have to talk, the new sketch is made. (please excuse my filler text-i was trying to make people in the server laugh) Most of my panels are just geometric shapes which you can see in the top panel behind the nonsense happening there. It's still following the whole original intense first panel against the structured rest of page plan from earlier.

For final pencils I moved some of the things in the first panel ie. Rotor (the guy in the jetpack at the top)'s arm position and his laser fire to act as the border, implying the line I sketched there earlier and the top of the second panel was left alone as the only actual line separating the rest of the page from the intensity at the top. That way the page doesnt look boring with everything in boxes but also doesn't look incomprehensible. Sometimes... this doesnt always work, I still end up making utter nonsense at times like so

I'd say the paneling looks great with this one, the issue of readability though, comes from whats in the panels- So paneling definitely isnt everything I hope that helps a little bit ^^

[elizabethshaw]

20 questions for writers

i was tagged by @riversofmars (thank you!!)... feel like a little bit of a fraud doing this as i've had major writer's block for nearly two years now and have written virtually nothing during that time, but i'm gonna give it a go anyway 😅

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

14 :))

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

46,344

3. What fandoms do you write for?

doctor who! mostly leaning towards dweu/big finish stuff but i've written some new who fic as well in the past. (i've also been wanting to write something for the pleasant green universe audio series for a while now but as my major fixations on it have all coincided with the aforementioned writer's block that... hasn't happened lmao)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Wy' ti'n dal i weld cysgodion yn y nos? (67 kudos)

in it together (23 kudos)

The Security Guard, The Scholar, And The Giant Stone Cube (22 kudos)

I Lie Awake And Watch It All (19 kudos)

og um vitt aldrin síggjast meir (18 kudos)

predictably, this includes all of the new who fics i've written, and (bar the third) almost none of the fics i'm actually most proud of lol 😅

(also feel a need to clarify here that the foreign-language titled fics are not actually in those languages, i just use song lyrics as titles a lot and for various reasons over half the music i listen to at any given moment is Not In English, hence the titles being as they are)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to! sometimes i'm a bit delayed with it (i know there's a couple i need to get around to answering rn but before today i hadn't been on my ao3 for... half a year at least?? so i'm a bit behind oops), but i like to get back to everyone who leaves a comment, just to say thanks :)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably hver fer sinn veg - it's set during "the war doctor begins", it was never going to be a happy one lol

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

gei di weld y byd mewn lliw, i think :)

8. Do you get hate on fic?

thankfully no! i've been lucky enough that my experience with fic writing/sharing has been very positive so far <3

9. Do you write smut?

no, it's not really my thing. smut is very honestly just kinda there to me, i don't have strong feelings about it either way, and so it's not something i've ever felt compelled to write yknow??

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

nope! i mainly prefer playing around with canon/canon-adjacent stuff tbh, i've got a couple of unfinished aus hanging around that will probably never see the light of day, but no crossovers that i can think of

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not as far as i'm aware. though to be fair, i don't venture onto fic websites other than ao3 so i'll never know for certain. i doubt it though

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

again, not as far as i know! i'd probably be chill with it though if anyone wanted to translate a fic of mine, provided they asked beforehand and it was one i was comfortable with being translated :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! the closest i've got is participating in an event run by a discord server i used to be mildly active in and am technically still part of, which was a lot of fun :D

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

i don't know if i really have an "all-time" favourite as such, but i've written a fair bit for liv and helen from the 8das, and really love their dynamic. i'm also a big fan of leela/romana, but for whatever reason i've never been quite able to make writing them work :/

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

there's a fair few 😅 the main one I can think of atm is the eldritch helen fic i vaguely remember being asked about on here a couple of years back, it's a concept that i still have a lot of interest in and love for, but i've never quite been able to get the fic itself to work and i fear it may be doomed to the wip pit for eternity :((

i've also got quite a few unfinished pieces of varying lengths with the war-veklin-albert tardis team from "the war doctor begins" hanging around my drive that i'd a) love to finish and b) probably won't; their dynamic and their whole deal as a team whose story takes place mostly off-screen and which we only see the ending of fascinates me. maybe one day i'll manage to do something with it

16. What are your writing strengths?

description :) this is the one thing i am ever consistently happy with in my writing (i am my own harshest critic <3), and i've got a couple of nice comments about it before. so!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue - even with characters i know well and whose voices i have clear in my head, i do find it difficult to make dialogue feel really authentic, and it's definitely something i tend to overly fixate on when i'm writing because i'm so conscious of wanting to get it right

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i'm totally fine with it! as long as it has a reason for being in the story, and isn't like. getting in the way of readers understanding what's going on, i don't see the problem.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

doctor who :)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

it's probably a tie between The Security Guard, The Scholar, And The Giant Stone Cube (a fic i wrote back in 2021 based on this post about rory and helen theoretically being able to meet each other at the national museum during the pandorica arc, which i loved writing and am still really happy with nearly 3 years later), and mae cuddio dagrau yn fy ngwaed (a bit of a weirder/darker dreamscape-type story; it took a lot of puzzling things out to piece all the different parts together to make something that was cohesive but still felt strange or off in the way dreams do, but i was really pleased with the end result!)

can't think of anyone to tag off the top of my head who hasn't been tagged already, so i'll leave this free for anyone to take part if they want to! :)

[sylvaridreams]

New 📌-post

Dama, 29, he/him. I've been playing GW2 off and on since mid 2014 (end of LWS1.) I came back December 2022 after finally getting a PC that could handle games again. My main blog is @damazcuz and that's where I'll follow and interact from (so if you see a tiger in your notes. Hi.)

If you ever happen to see me running around feel free to say hi. (NA Server, UN damazcuz.6892) Below is a look at some of my characters!

Main

--Alba Moonseeker, he/him. 13. Commander and bearer of the world's burdens. #alba

Regularly used/Of great plot importance

--Avuncular Bourbon, (Bourbon, real name unknown) he/him. 34. Ex-bandit, ex-aetherblade. (Short stint.) He's joined a few bad groups and bowed out when things got too hot. Raised by dredge in the Shiverpeaks after being abandoned at birth in a mine. Currently working for the commander (sorry about trying to kill you way back in the day! Twice...) #bourbon

--Auruim, he/him. 10-11. Initially a close friend and companion of Alba's, he was quick to volunteer for the Pact to journey into Maguuma, where his Wyld Hunt was to be fulfilled. Corrupted by Mordremoth upon entering the jungle, he rose to become one of his commanders and champions. Years after Mordremoth's defeat, he would be recovered from the jungle by a group of asura researchers; six months later, he would be reintroduced to Alba in Rata Sum, from behind the walls of a cell. Recovered? Sure. Rehabilitated? Maybe. Socialized? No. Polite? Lol. Also currently working for the commander, like it or not. Incredibly traumatized and angry about both sides of the war that he experienced, and feels like he doesn't and never will belong anywhere. With nowhere else to point his hurt, he blames Alba. #auruim

--Aeris Windkin, she/her, occasionally they/them. 12. An early friend of Alba's, she dreamed of a Crystal elder dragon, and believed it to be Kralkatorrik. After great examination of her dream, she stepped out into the world with the idea that her Wyld Hunt would be to slay Kralk. She joined the Priory and dove into studying the brand, trying to find weaknesses to exploit to take down the dragon. She joined the forces at Thunderhead Keep, believing that she would play a hand in ending the war. Upon seeing Aurene for the first time, she was overwhelmed by emotion and thought that this had to be the dragon of which she dreamt before she awoke. But she was slightly wrong again, and realizing this, journeyed into the Crystal Desert for a time. At the end of her long search, she came to understand that Vlast had been her wyld hunt all along, but in the years she'd spent hunting Kralkatorrik, she had never emerged as Vlast's champion, and had missed his death. After months of mourning, she rejoined Alba's entourage and tags along after him on his travels, almost always a few steps behind. #aeris windkin

--Many more but this post needs serious updating :')

Toyhouse link (WIP) with a couple of fleshed out character bios here!

[gryphons-n-kelpies]

Your characters make my brain go brr but hows the game developing side of DITO going? Whether it's coding, CGs, backgrounds, ya know the like? Even if you didn't get any of that done, what excites you (or terrifies you lol) the most that maybe no one has asked about yet?

ALSO take care of yourself; you're always busy doing something it seems, behind the scenes, so I hope youre pacing yourself well and treating yourself nicely uvu

Since I have finally been able to relax because the Yandere Bundle Pack is released and the like, I've been spending this month working on script reworking/planning, to adjust on the new characters and sprites (my style updated a bit so I want to rework them better). Those will be seen only on Patreon unless otherwise stated.

Starting this February, I'll be posting more background stuff on DITO while going back to a vote system in the VN server to see who people would like to see next while we wait. Maybe I'll start doing bi-weekly streams so that people could watch me work on DITO related stuff (and work on fixing OBS so that I can talk clearly and maybe voice things as Bird). But no promises on that idea.

Im excited to see what people would think about the cast. I'm excited to show the bar drinks that Morogh would offer MC. Though... I am terrified about how to implement them in the game and which ones should show up in the demo.

And... Thank you, dear. I am trying to pace myself but I feel like if I am not *doing* something, I'll spiral downwards. Though... I should be pacing myself... Because I spent time focusing on the stickers. Printing, Packaging (and hoping for no mistakes), and sending them out (while forcing myself to talk to people, bleh). Hoping for things to go in order.... Well... I ended up NOT taking care of myself. So seeing the reminder that I should take a breather so that I can give my body what it needs is a good refresher. Thank you again

-Adri

[oddberryshortcake]

BIRTHDAY WISH ASK; BLORBO! (use this anon as an excuse to ramble about the current character you wanna are covering in blankets and giving all the cups hot cocoa and maybe are putting them through a hella 'mount of angst in a variety of WIPS lol)

Okay okay, none of ya'll know the extent of the writing I've been making behind the scenes! I still try to write everyday even while being so busy, and I have a ton of hoarded fics on me.

Since I know there's a lot of IZ people here, ya'll know my views of Tallest Red. He's not so much a blorbo than he is a scrunkly. Absolutely horrible creature that can fit so much depth and angst into him.

If we talkin' wips, there's a Catalyst fic I have strong affection for. Catalyst is essentially a character exploration, both Red and Oz Ama pull a lot out of each other through their discussions and tension.

I liked delving deep into the Tallest, specifically Red's, perspective of the Florpus and how it could be something horrifying-

Idk when I'll post this, but here's an excerpt!

And as it seems there's a trend in me getting attached to characters with self-destructive tendencies, lemme tell you about a certain blorbo named Jamil Viper-

Twisted Wonderland, I promise it's actually good.

Chapter 4 just hits different (I say as it's the first chapter I ever saw that got me into the game)

Jamil's story is incredibly harrowing, genuinely one of the hardest backstories to learn (though I'm sure when the eng server finally gets Idia that will hurt WORSE knowing what already happened)

I absolutely love how messed up this lil guy is. I would save him but I'd also punch him too. I could go into it, but if there's a chance someone here want's to pick up this game I don't want to ruin the experience either.

Very Tallest Red vibes, though I'll say it, Tallest Red is definitely a worse person who deserves to be punched way more

[the-technorats]

3, 5, and 7 for the writing asks :)

!! thanks for the question!! :D

What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

man, i feel like i don't have a good answer for these first two but i'll yap about it anyway. i think maybe because i'm still learning and figuring myself out as a artist/writer in general, i don't have too many specific behaviors engrained? i'm pretty bad at getting started at writing things so clearly i haven't found the ritual that just gets me in the zone. also, with my depression, it gets hard to self-motivate to do things - often times i need external pressure/reinforcement (ideally positive, but, yknow. negative also works lol) to really get moving since it's easier to do things for others (or the idea of a general audience/'s enjoyment/validation) than find reason to do things for myself.

some preferences i do have include: having tea (jasmine and earl grey are some favorites), having a candle lit, writing at dusk/night. and then often times i reread old stuff i've written/posted to remind myself that i'm capable lol. after that, i just have to bully myself to get the ball rolling. the blank page really fucks with my head, enough so that i can't even make a new document to write my notes, i have to put them in my notes app or in the discord server i have with myself because it tricks me into thinking the stakes are way lower than i've convinced myself they are. (this is, ofc, on the occasion that i even have notes at all, which i often don't.)

something else i've found that unfortunately works for me is making writing the lesser of two evils; writing is one of those things that i love doing but never opt to do even though i want to? i wish i did? i hate it i dont know. even now, i'm writing this because i don't want to be writing an academic paper. i find it a lot easier to write fic/tion or other leisure types of writing when my alternative is doing something way more dreadful.

Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

honestly, i don't have a good answer for this one either. i wish i had a more glamorous writer lifestyle than my run-of-the-mill "start two days before it's due" or "hammer out two pages and then abandon the idea for two years" process. i feel like all of my writing habits are purely logistical and not spiritual. (maybe i should try and be more spiritual about it? i'd try anything to make writing an easier process but i also think i have a sort of house m.d. mentality about suffering and artistic process and whatnot.)

the only thing i can think of is that i can only look back and edit a few paragraphs behind my current progress. i can't go all the way back to the beginning and reread until the first draft is finished. if i realize a continuity error at the current point that would warrant needing to go way back, i still can't edit it, i have to leave myself a comment. only once i officially proofread/do a second draft can i touch any of the earlier stuff. again, though, this seems almost entirely logistical; i just know if i go back to reread, the rest will never get written. (tangent note: i have a friend who makes a new document for every draft. i don't know if that's normal? maybe like using layers for digital art? but i definitely don't do that. the doc i start in is the doc i paste my notes in is the doc my final draft is in)

also, once i post something/deem it finished, i will never edit the google doc again. i just believe in like, the sanctity of the way i chose to write something as the me i was at that point in time, including the font, grammar, cringiness, etc. (and i also like how google puts the timestamp of "last edited on [x]." if i edit it again, that timestamp won't be true to when the writing was finished.) this one's still not exactly superstitious, it's just like. you wouldn't go back to your childhood drawings and make edits.

What is your deepest joy about writing?

all of the typical artist shit rings true, of course - materializing something that didn't exist before; being able to create something that others can connect with; of course being a part of communities that share my interests and obsessions and nerdiness and insanity. the most indulgent part of it is the part where i get to play god in my own little head, projecting all of my emotional inner workings onto a character and getting to therapize them via their environment. allowing the things that depress or upset me to receive comfort and gentleness and understanding and all of the things i don't think i deserve when they're in my head.

and of course, writing is one of those things, like art, like any form of just - physically making marks - that is so innate. like how beautiful is that, that since the beginning of time one of the things we've always done is depict. illustrate. we just want to understand things. weather and outer space and the elements and animals and human nature. we sang songs to remember epics before we ever wrote them down. and god, damn, fuck its just one of those things that fucking gets me, deep down, that i'm just human and part of humankind and no different than anyone else has ever been, in a good way. that someone will sing the epic to me and i will sing it to someone else and i don't have to do some monumental thing to have a purpose; i can just pass on one more story.

[gamerezrathing]

Just a friendly reminder to be careful what you say in chat. You never know what that stranger has been through, or is currently going through. I'll admit that I got a bit emotional during this unfortunate interaction; I'm not ashamed to admit that I have human emotions.

I was already having a very rough day, and went to play a video game to decompress. Now, I know that Path of Titans official servers aren't always the best way to do so, but I've rarely had toxic encounters, and truly enjoy playing on official servers.

For those who'd rather read the screenshots, scroll to the end of the post. Just keep in mind that the summary clarifies some things that the screenshots don't.

This is a summary of what was said. No real names/usernames are mentioned in this post except for mine:

Green = EzraThing (me)

Pink = Pink1 and Pink2 (both were part of the group who unalived me)

Purple = Purple (the other member of the group who unalived me)

Red = Red (someone who had nothing to do with this, but still had to get their irrelevant words in)

Blue = Sweetheart (an innocent soul)

Orange = Random Bystander, Another Random Bystander, Antihero, and Translates To Daddy (pretty sure you can figure it out)

(Couldn't get a screenshot of this first message, but I vividly remember saying this)

Ezra: ggs to the gqint (I meant giant) carni pack that murdered an adol duck. It was a really goofy thing. Lol

You know, a light hearted, teasing joke. The whole thing made me laugh. From the sudden ambush, to the wild goose chase. But, they got me in the end, so I was saying my "ggs".

Pink1: Giant (correcting my mistake)

Pink1: Lol a sub thal and sub chicken

Pink1: And a sarco

I didn't see the "And a sarco" until after I already sent my next message. The keyboard takes up the majority of the screen whenever I go to type.

Ezra: Sarco did the most damage

Pink1: duh

Ezra: Yeah duh, What's your point?

Was getting a little frustrated at this point since I already said ggs in a light hearted way, and they were taking this into more toxic territory.

Pink1: Ur dumb for saying that lol

Pink1: 3 is a giant number guys watch out

Yeah, 3 is a giant number for a fresh adol duck that was suddenly ambushed, and murdered, by sub-adult and adult carnis. That, and I don't have very good vision in the first place.

Ezra: How is that dumb? I'm just trying to quest in peace, you guys won, I said "ggs", end of story

Pink1: Pvp is no peace

Pink1: Ggs go quest

Ezra: Okay, thanks. Bye

Accepted the permission I apparently needed from them to go back to what I was doing before, and not be bothered anymore. Apparently this group can't even manage that.

Purple: Ewww ezra you're on xbox... Now im glad i bit you - sarco

Ezra: Mind your business

Was trying to give the hint that I was already moved on and didn't want to continue their "game".

Purple: Someone is insecure

Ezra: Considering that I'm not the one holding onto this dead conversation, I highly doubt that. Lol

Purple: Ezra you seem to take this game to heart. (Didn't get the rest of this message in the screenshot) Something along the lines of "smoke something and chill".

Ezra: Literally can't smoke, but okay. Lol

What can I say? I've got fragile lungs that can barely handle me standing behind a running car. So smoking is an absolute no-go for me.

Purple: Ezra back down to 669... RIP

Okay, so? I'm an adolescent duck, how much did you think I was going to have in the first place? Move on with your life, bro.

Purple: Ezra it's okay

Bro acting like I'm the one harassing them. They didn't seem to want to leave me alone, so I decided to try to have some fun with it.

Ezra: Do you talk like this to everyone, or am I just special~

Pink2: Ezra,shut up. I'm tired of seeing your name in the chat

Ezra: Bruh, what???

Genuinely confused at wtf is going on now, and had to reread the chat a bit to make sure that I wasn't going crazy.

Ezra: I've hardly said anything, Pink2.

Purple: ezra you're very special...

Bro was just desperate for even a sliver of my attention.

Pink2: Ezra, you're ruining the peace of the server

Yeah, 'cause it's totally my fault that Pink1 and Purple, and now you, decided to harass me.

Ezra: How am I doing that?

Pink2: Existing

... Way to tell someone who has genuinely had problems with unaliving thoughts that merely existing is causing everyone problems...

This is why you don't talk to strangers this way; you never know what the other person has gone through, or is currently going through.

Red: XD

Red: Y'all savage asf XD

Way to support toxicity, Red...

Ezra: Mute me if you really don't want to hear from me anymore, Pink2.

Pink2: Too much work

Ezra: Logged on like 30 minutes ago, and I already want to kms. Exactly what I came for. Lol

Dark, sarcastic humor is my coping mechanism. I would never tell anyone to kys, but I tend to joke about kms when I experience another one of my rough depressive episode. It rarely happens anymore. It's a tough habit to break, but I'm working on it.

Random Bystander: Global Chats Wild and extra special today, huh? Lol

Ezra: Apparently

Just trying to move on at this point, and hopefully get some fun hours in the game.

Purple: Ezra shut up

Ezra: Just mute me Purple

Pink2: Ezra seek therapy

Do people not realize how expensive therapy can get? Besides, there is no fixing me; I'm broken beyond repair, bud.

Ezra: Too expensive

Red: Alcohol isn't that expensive

Way to support alcoholism, Red...

Antihero: All u shut up love of god you dirtball swine

My hero~

Another Random Bystander: whys everyone so whiney tonight

Me: No idea, Another Random Bystander

Red: It's past their bedtime XD

Way to finally say something okay to say, Red...

Purple: Antihero shut up you're on xbox

What does this person have against xboxs?

Pink2: My bad Antihero, Ezra is being disruptive

Yeah, 'cause I'm totally the one beating a dead horse until it's a fine, brown paste staining the ground...

Antihero: i have pc 2 scrub sit down

... Still my hero?

Purple: 200 is crazy

Did they forget that people spend their marks?

Antihero: thats what your pc is worth hu fat boy

I genuinely didn't see this comment until I was scrolling through the screenshots... No longer my hero. Lol

Purple: Ez report

Purple: Player Report Successful!

Purple is desperate enough for attention to grab the lowest hanging fruit possible.

Red: Xbox solid, I sold my ps5 for xbox

Way to finally say something positive, Red...

Ezra: I just wanted to come on and enjoy this game for a bit, but apparently everybody hates me

Ezra: And wants to report me for no reason (I didn't see Antihero's comment that Purple was actually responding to until after)

Red: If it makes u feel better i also hate u

Way to immediately dwell back into the toxicity, Red...

Sweetheart: (/whisper Ezra) test

They were seeing if the whisper command worked, I guess. Lol

Antihero: ill be your friend

You literally just called someone fat earlier, bud. But thanks, I guess. Lol

Translates To Daddy: I don't hate you

... Dad?

Red: Im kidding XD

Ezra: Did you think that you didn't count as everyone?

(These were both sent at almost the same time, so it may not make the most sense) I meant it more like "Did you think that you didn't count when I said 'everyone'?" ADHD go brrrrrr-

Sweetheart: (/whisper Ezra) what is even happening right now?

Sweetheart: (/whisper Ezra) I am sorry they are being so mean

Honestly, thank you so much for reaching out to check on me. It truly does mean a lot.

Red: U cant say everyone, how can I hate (Didn't catch the end of this message, either) Something along the lines of "how can I hate someone that I don't know?"

I don't know, how can you? 'Cause you clearly do, somehow. How do you talk like this to a complete stranger?

Ezra: Well you clearly do

Ezra: (/whisper Sweetheart) Don't apologize for them; it's not your fault.

I apologize if I sounded a bit harsh. I was truly just ready to log off at this point.

Sweetheart: (/whisper Ezra) I know it isn't but the toxicity is hard to watch sometimes

(Didn't get a screenshot of my last message before logging off, but this is what it essentially was. I accidentally hit send about halfway through, so the actual chat message isn't exactly like this. Lol)

Ezra: Welp, I'm getting off for the night. Congrats Pink1, Purple, Pink2, and Red for making someone's already terrible day even worse.

I logged off before I saw any responses.

Now, for those who want to read the actual screenshots, here you go (first image is a guide on what order to read them):