#I'm being stretched too thin and i cant do anything about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

meanhoeforcb97 · 4 years

Text

~•20:09pm•~

Pairing: Soft!Dom! Felix x Chubby!Hairy!Fem! Reader

Genre: Smut, some fluff

Warnings: Not! Shaved reader, shaved felix, mentions of insecurities, reader doesnt believe shes good enough, oral (f), fingering (f), nicknames (angel, love), unprotected sex (dont be silly wrap your willy) Felix is very soft and reassuring in general and stops multiple times to make sure y/n is alright lmk if I'm missing anything

Requested: No

Words: 4.5k

Note: this is not proof read, excuse my mistakes

You were on your phone when you heard the door of your apartment opening, even though you were focused on your boyfriend's latest performance video, just the thought that it might be him at the door made you quickly pause it and look at the door of your bedroom. Soon enough Felix's silver hair popped out of the dark hallway with a huge smile plastered on his face.

He was still in the same clothes he wore while filming but his make up had already been removed by his stylists.

He looked ethereal with his hair pulled back making his beautiful features all the more noticable, including his adorable freckles that were out in the open for you to admire. His body was covered by a pair of leather pants and a white dress shirt with a sleeveless blue jacket on top. Various earrings were adorning his ears and rings on his fingers. You almost jumped up to greet him but he was quick to cup your face and kiss you lovingly, your phone falling from your grip somewhere to the side. You giggled after he pulled back "Hello." He said almost breathlessly and you smiled widely "Hey.." And another kiss.

Kiss after kiss you found him sitting on your lap while you two were making out when his hardening cock suddenly pressed up against your stomach making him moan into your kiss and you quickly pulled back and placed your hands on his chest pushing him away slightly. Felix looked at you concerned as he got off and examined your panicked expression.

"Baby what's wrong?" He asked and you gulped. "I-I cant do it today!" You let out embarrased. "Oh shit!" He let out in half realization hitting his forehead lightly, "Are you on your period love? Do you wanna cuddle and watch a movie?" He asked caressing your stomach tenderly and you blushed madly while shaking your head slightly pushing his hand away from your stomach out of embarrassment.

"What is it angel?" Felix asked his deep voice making heat rush through your entire body and juices to leak onto your panties.

"I-I havent shaved... down there.." You let out, your face burning from embarrassment. He looked at you quite dumbfounded eyes widened and lips slightly apart. "That's....it?" He asked cautiously and when you shyly nodded and rubbed your forearms a few times out of embarrassment and awkwardness he could only chuckle. He tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear and caressed your cheek softly.

"Baby, you know I dont give a fuck about whether you shaved or not, right? It's your body and even the fact that you let me connect with you through it means the world to me. Okay angel?" He asked with a small smile lingering on his lips that only got wider when you pouted slightly.

"B-but, I bet my ass that you are as hairless as a newborn baby under those fancy leather pants of yours." You whined pointing at his cock through his trousers. He blushed slightly as he laughed at your cute expressions. "Well yeah, because that's what I like and what makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. If you didnt wanna shave it means you don't need it!" Felix said as he softly caressed your cheek again and you leaned into his touch loving the feeling of his cold hands against your warm face.

He leaned in and captured your lips between his own initiating a passionate kiss which soon enough turned into a messy make out session. He pulled you closer by the waist until your chest was flush against his own. The position was borderline uncomfortable as you were both sitting next to each other and turning and twisting your bodies so you could face each other on your shared bed. His hand snaked it's way from your face down to your chest, then to your waist and lastly on your thigh as he pulled you on top of him and without much thought you complied.

Straddling his lap, his bulge that was growing with your every movement pressed against your inner thigh and he groaned into your lips. Panicking again you pulled back to check on him, he was panting heavily and looking at you as confused as you were—maybe more. "D-did I hurt you? Am i too heavy?" You asked raising your hips off of his. "W-what? No! Why would you think that?" He asked in disbelief pushing you down on him and you blushed again. "I dont know.. I'm just so big and heavy and I thought I hurt you.." You said avoiding his gaze but glancing back at him every few seconds. "Angel, we've had sex a million times now and you still dont know how it works?" Felix cooed at you almost mockingly as if he was talking to a child, the indirect degradation making you soak your panties as you whined at him.

Kissing again he started removing your clothes and you helped him remove his own. When you were in your bra and sweatpants and he was only in his leather pants, he pulled back from your mouth to admire you. His hands trailed up your thighs to your waist as his thumbs caressed your stomach, and he dived into you chest as he kissed, licked and sucked on every bit of flesh he could find at that very moment. You were a moaning mess, every single hickey making you more sensitive than the last, his hands on your sides never going unnoticed.

Pulling back from your collarbone, a string of saliva connected your marked up body to his wet and kiss-swollen lips making you lick your own at the beautiful sight. Felix held your waist tightly and his muscles flexed under your grip when he flipped you around making you yelp. "Lix.. dont do that, you know I'm too heavy." You pouted at him and only smiled down at you, "Weight is just a meaningless number to me, angel." He said before kissing you again, his hands traveling up your stomach caressing your tummy and snaking their way up to your covered breasts.

Caressing over the sensitive nipples through the fabric of your bra made you whimper quietly and grab onto his forearms tightly. Sliding them all the way to the back, you arched your body off the bed helping Felix take off the unwanted piece of clothing. His lips immediately attached themselves on your right nipple while his hand tugged and rubbed on the left one. After a few moments of you moaning and threading your fingers through his hair he switches to the other breast repeating his motions.

"F-Felix.. m-more!" You cried out as you felt your wet cunt pulse at just the mere thought of his cock inside of you. He hummed against your breast making a soft moan slip from between your lips. "Does my baby need me? How bad do you need me angel?" Felix pulled away from your chest to look you in the eye with that soft mocking look as if he's talking to a child again. You whined at the sweet degradation making you hot all over again, hiding your face behind your hands you nodded and he chuckled. "I asked you a question angel, how bad do you need me?" He repeated and with a shaky voice you replied, still not looking at him. "R-really really bad L-Lix. I need you to fill me up with your beautiful cock." You moaned out without even thinking before speaking. Felix groaned and quickly tagged your sweats off your legs and threw them somehwere across the room. Trailing his cold hands against the warm skin of your thighs up to your hips where he caressed your stomach. His hands lingered on the stretch marks on your inner thighs as he kneaded the soft skin. "You're so fucking beautiful baby. You make me wanna eat you up." He groaned into your stomach as he left multiple kisses at the swell of it. Finally moving down where you need him most he rubbed you through the thin material of your panties with his thumb making you moan at the tiny yet delicious sparks of pleasure. Placing a lingering kiss right on your clit made a breathy moan escape your lips and your head to fall back on the soft pillows. Felix hummed against your heat making you shiver from the vibrations, "I love your sounds more than anything angel, I love how needy you sound. Who do you make these sounds for my love?" He said, his hot breath was tingling your pussy as he was only a few millimeters away from touching it again. "For you, only you Felix!" You said more like whined as you let your hands find their way into his beautiful silver locks. They were still tightly held together by hairspray making them rough to the touch and quite hard to get your hands through. Gently and carefully you started brushing your fingers through his hair breaking the hair apart and making it soft and loose again. He sighed in content against your clit making you slightly tug on the silver locks emitting a moan from him. He hooked his ring filled fingers under te elastic band of your cotton panties slowly sliding them down the curve of your hips, his eyes remained glued to your face watching your expressions for any sign of discomfort.

After your earlier talk even though he wanted to prove that it actually didnt bother him at all, if it was bothering you he should stop. After all that's what partners do for their significant other, shower them with love and affection and listen to their worries as to not cause them any discomfort. When all he saw was desperation in your eyes as you bit your lower lip he smirked and slid the thin material off your legs. At that very moment the realization of your hairy core being in full display right in front of Felix' face seeped in through your horny mind making you snap out of your trance with a gasp and close your thighs. Before your hands could leave his hair to cover yourself he was alreay spreading you apart all over again.

He propped himself up on his knees to look at you, your legs spread apart and your hands now holding his wrists placed on either side of your inner thighs.

"Babe, we need to get this out of the way because I cant do this without knowing you're alright, okay?" He asked and understanding what he meant you nodded. "Are you just shy and embarrassed or are you genuinely uncomfortable with me touching you? Because I swear if you genuinely dont want to do this today I will stop right here right now. You know you're much more important than my needy cock right? I will stop at any moment for you angel, I just need you to be clear with me." He said as he caressed your cheek softly with his ring-filled warm hands.

The contrast between his warm skin and the ice cold jewellery was comforting. The rings cooled your heated skin down while his natural warmth made you feel like home. God you love this man with all your heart. You realised you were tearing up and so your grip on his wrists loosened as you brought both of your hands to cover you face as you silently cried.

Felix pouted, he didnt mean to make you cry, he didnt even know why you were crying but it made him sad.

"No no no no no!" He exclaimed in his soft calming voice as he caressed his way up to your arms and holding your hands over your face gently. As if you were fragile glass capable of breaking at any moment he ever so slight pulled your hands away from your face just enough to meet your teary gaze.

"Why are you crying baby? Did I do something wrong?" Felix asked with concern–filled eyes and god you wanted to punch him so bad. You scoffed through your shaky breaths as you wiped a few tears away. "You're too good for me Felix. Way too fucking good." You say, voice soft and weak, afraid that if you spoke up it would break from crying.

"Its what you deserve baby," he caresses your face softly and one hand slides to your thigh again caressing it. "you deserve all the best." He says as he leans in to capture your lips in a sweet loving kiss. Pulling away Felix looked into your eyes again, "Angel do you want to do this?" He asked again and your heart swelled with love for this perfect man in front of you. "Fuck Felix, I do. You're the only person that could ever make me feel this beautiful." You muttered out almost inaudibly out of embarrassment. He smiled his famous sunshine smile before kissing your lips shortly and moving down to your core again.

His mouth attached itself on your lower lips, your folds already glistening with arousal. One hand found yours and intertwined your fingers with his while the other one spread your pussy apart to grant himself better access. Leaving an open mouthed kiss, your breath hitched in your throat for a split second. Poking his tongue out he left kitten licks against your slit as if testing the waters. When he felt your grip tighten around his hand he decided to take it a step further as he laid his tongue flat against your entrance licking all the way up to your clit. Little hairs poked against his tongue making the sensation quite unfamiliar and strange but welcome nonetheless, because when he heard the beautiful moan that escaped your lips he'd swear he was in heaven — or hell most likely. But he couldnt care less if he was going to hell after this, nothing mattered but you, you, you, you.

His lips found your clit easily as he lightly sucked on the sensitive bundle of nerves making your legs twitch out of instinct and wrap around his head. He moaned against your core making you moan in return and your thighs to tighten their grip around him.

The hot muscle guided itself into your cavern. The friction against your wet walls making you whine, the hand that was previously covering your mouth tangling along his silver locks. His nose touched your pelvis with every thrust of his tongue making his nose slightly tickle from the hair, he could only smile at the feeling before pulling his tongue out and attaching his lips back to your clit.

He squeezed your hand in his lightly before retrieving it and placing both of his hands on either of your thighs, spreading them apart once again. When he figured your legs were open enough for him he guided his right hand at your entrance, his eyes never leaving your face. His middle finger teased against your slit collecting your arousal before slowly entering you. He could only bite his lip at the blissful expression occupying your beautiful face and he could swear to God he had never witnessed anything more beautiful than you. "F-felix!" You moaned out his name like a mantra and the man smiled against your thigh. "Does it feel good angel?" He asked placing a quick kiss against your clit before pulling back again to watch you. You could only nod desperately and clutch on his hair harder making him moan.

"How about now, how does this make you feel?" He asked adding a second finger into your tight pussy with the help of your natural lube. You threw your head back and pulled him closer to your core. "So good oh my god, so fuckjng good!" You exclaimed, your voice reaching barely lower than a scream. "Good." He let out before diving back into your heat. His tongue and his teeth took turns torturing your clit in the most pleasurable way possible.

The pleasure was beginning to to get too much as you felt yourself drift into cloud 9, your high arriving quickly. "F-felix I'm– Ah I–" was all you managed to say as you failed miserably at trying to warn him. And with one strong suck on your clit from him your high came crushing upon you. Your juices coated Felix's fingers and mouth and you spasmed on the bed moaning and whining uncontrollably. Felix helped you ride out your orgasm by slowing down his fingers until they came to an eventual stop and his tongue licked against your core very lightly until you whined at him to pull away.

He smiled and moved up your body until your faces were mere centimeters apart. He used his thumb to collect your arousal dripping on his chin and pushed it into his own mouth humming in satisfaction, "You're so delicious angel." he smiled teasingly. You whined at his words and at the sight, bringing your hands up to hide your face. He laughed and brought himself up to lay next to you. You turned towards him confused, "Felix.." You muttered as you slowly turned towards him, chest still panting from your previous orgasm. "Yes love?" He asked also turning to face you, his beautiful smile never leaving his handsome face. "You didnt cum.. actually you never even took it out of your pants." You exclaimed in realization pouting at him, he smiled even more widely at that letting out a chuckle.

"Its okay angel dont worry about me okay? You already came so it's all that matters alright?" He said with that overly sweet smile and you knew it wasnt alright, you knew he wished he could just cum by fucking you and not by his hand; and you did too. "No Felix, I want to help." You said as you raised yourself up and positioned yourself over the rough fabric of the leather. The cold sensation it gave off making shivers run down your spine. Your hands traveled over his heavily clothed erection making sure your touches were feather light, making his breath hitch in his throat and his hips twitch beneath you.

"Fuck dont tease me y/n I'm already painfully turned on and you know that." He panted out, his breaths heavy and voice ruspy from want. You nodded with a small smile knowing you caused this; your ego being boosted over the roof.

Unbuckling his belt you took your time undoing his buttons, wanting to see how long his patient and sweet facade could last before he was completely engulfed by lust and took matters into his own hands. He raised an arm to rest over his face his hooded eyes still fixed on you. His plump bottom lip was caged between his teeth making the already red (from previoys activities) skin a darker shade. His first was clenched and you could tell he was close. Close to giving up the battle between his want: to be as gentle with you as possible and let you take your time and need: to flip you over and fuck the living daylights out of you. His self control was running thin and even though you fed off of his reactions you took pity in him knowing he'd be upset at himself if he lost control. So with that thought in mind you pulled the zipper down revealing the top of his boxers and you felt giddy at the thought of his cock alone. A low groan left his lips as he raised himself up. "That's it I cant take this anymore" he grumbled, his already low voice going an octave lower. He placed both his hands on your waist and flipped you both over so he was standing between your open legs. He got off the bed momentarily to shrug his pants down, the only pieces of clothing separating him from you. "I have you naked and looking Oh so gorgeous right in front of me and I couldnt do anything" he continues to ramble to himself throwing the clothes somewhere inside your bedroom. "Imagine how hard it was having your perfect body all aroused for me like this and I couldn't even take it out of my pants." He said and at this point you werent even listening, your eyes staring at his perfect cock. It was impossibly hard, the tip an angry red color and already oozing precum. "I cant believe I have such a huge effect on you." You held yourself up on your elbows and muttered out and he immediately stopped rambling. "What?" He asked dumbfounded. You glanced up to meet his eyes and back at his dick and back up into his eyes again, this time maintaining eye contact. "I just cant believe that I can make you so hard that you are already dripping precum without a single touch." You repeated, awe obvious in your tone of voice.

Felix smiled and moved on the bed again settling himself between your thighs and pushing you to lay back again, nazzling his nose with yours. "I've already told you you're the most beautiful person in this entire world how could I resist?" He said as he kissed you again. "You know baby, I really love the small talk but i really fucking need to cum." He reminded you and you chuckled as you reached down between your bodies to touch his dick.

Your fingers barely traced the underside of his shaft and he sighed out in content at the small touch. You looked up at him with lust filled eyes, "Why dont you do something about it then?" You challenged and he smirked chuckling slightly. "Your wish, my command." He said and kissed your lips. Balancing his weight on his left arm, his right arm caressed the curve of your breast down to your waist and slid across your stomach to your heat. Rubbing a few circles on your entrance, he tested the waters before grabbing his cock in his hand and guiding it to your pussy replacing his fingers. You could only moan in his mouth, finally feeling his cock on you felt amazing, you couldnt wait for him to do more. Spreading your legs as wide as you possibly could underneath him you pulled back from the kiss catching your breath. "Felix~ please.." you whined, wrapping your arms around his neck and thrusted your naked hips up to meet his equally naked ones. He groaned and repeated the same phrase from earlier "You wish, my command." He kissed you on the lips one last time before finally pushing the head of his cock inside your pussy. You moaned out at the familiar feeling that you hadnt felt for a while, his busy schedule making it harder for the two of you to have any alone time recently.

Kissing along the side of your face his lips drew their path down to your collarbones with blooming hickeys. "F-felix that's so unfair." You intended it to sound more stern but it could only come out as a breathy moan as he worked his way to bottoming out. "What's unfair love?" He asked pulling back from your neck momentarily. "Y-you keep leaving hickeys everywhere and I'll have to cover them to go to work b-but I cant do the same cause e-even if you cover them it's too dangerous with all your f-fans" You moaned and at that moment his balls touched your ass and he stopped moving letting you get accustomed to the stretch his dick offered you. "I-I know how much you love doing that y/n and believe me I do too, but unfortunately that's g-gonna have to wait for my break. I'm all yours then." He said, his voice equally unstable from feeling your tight walls construct against his cock.

"I cant wait then." You said pulling his head down and giving him a long passionate kiss.

"Felix, please move!" After a few moments of kissing that was the first thing that escaped your lips other than silent whimpers. He moaned at the blatant order and started pulling his dick out to the point only the tip remained inside you before slipping it back inside all the way in slow powerful thrusts. You instantly became a moaning mess as your nails dug into his shoulders, the slight pain feeling way too good. "Remeber baby, no marks.." He panted as he kissed your cheek and you nodded your head quickly. "I-i cant help it, you feel so good!" You moaned out and he groaned in return. "I know baby, you're clenching around my dick like crazy" he replied in a breathy voice.

Suddenly a particularly hard thrust had your back arching of the bed and your legs quivering. "Oh my God Felix, right there!" You moaned out as your wrapped your legs around his waist bringing him incredibly closer to you. He moaned at the feeling of reaching even deeper inside you and he did his best to hit that spot that would make your body spasm in pleasure. And boy, he was doing a great job.

You continusly and unconsciously clenched around his length emitting moans and groans out of him. Soon you felt the familiar knot of release in the pit of your stomach and you pulled his upper body even closer to yours so your chests could meet. "I-im cumming Oh my God please Felix dont stop!" You moaned out loudly and he groaned at your words also feeling his release coming closer and closer with every thrust. Suddenly you were cumming around his dick, you're body shaking and your throat aching from moaning so loudly, the intimacy of the situation and the uncontrollable clench around him made him cum inside of you soon after painting your walls white with his essence.

After a couple more thrusts that aided the both of you to ride your highs, he pulled out and let his body fall limb next to yours.

"Fuck baby that was amazing, please dont underestimate yourself." He said basically giving you heart eyes, the after glow on his face making him look even more ethereal. "If it means we get to do this everytime I might do just that." You said with a giggle and he also chuckled and pulled you close to his chest, engulfing you in his warm embrace. "Let's sleep angel, I'm too fucking tired." He said finishing his sentence with a yawn. You nodded against his chest as you pulled the covers over the both of you. "I know baby, you did great today, I'm so proud of you." Referring to both his musical and sexual performances.

And with that you both drifted into a dreamless sleep with only thoughts of each other occupying your minds.

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livebloggingmydescentintomadness · 4 years

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i'm pretty sure i got ghosted by someone i thought loved and cared for me but out of the blue, they read my texts and havent been responding, even when i asked if they were okay. i guess i upset them when i gave them space when they initially ignored me. and then when i reached out, they continued to ignore me. and i cant tell if im not trying hard enough, should i try again or is their actions telling me enough? idk how to deal.. i feel so worthless. i cant make anyone stay

hey, sweetheart, it’s not your fault. you don’t know what’s going on with this person, so please take a deep breath and try to stop assuming you know exactly what they’re thinking or why they’re not responding. sometimes i go for a long time without responding to texts and it’s just because i’m too depressed to talk to anyone.

i mean this in the kindest way possible, but please try not to jump to the worst conclusions, okay? you don’t know what’s really going on yet. don’t look into a void and project your worst fears into it.

i would suggest that you send one more message, something very simple that leaves a door open, such as “i’m always here if you want to talk.” don’t keep sending message after message, because it definitely isn’t that you aren’t trying hard enough. you haven’t done anything wrong; something is going on with this person and you don’t know what that thing is, but i can tell you that it’s likely that it actually has nothing to do with you.

i know it’s hurtful when people ignore you, and it feels like a deliberately dismissive act, but sometimes people get overwhelmed or have mental or emotional or life problems that just get in the way and it isn’t on purpose. part of growing up is learning how to pick things back up after a gap in communication because you both understand that shit happens but you still care about each other.

until you have hard, conclusive evidence, do not assume that this person is mad at you or thinks you’ve done anything wrong. i know it’s hard to not know what someone else is thinking and your anxiety throws all these horrible thoughts at you, but anchor yourself to the evidence you have of your relationship up to this point. you have evidence that this person loves you based on how they’ve behaved up to this point, so use that evidence to keep yourself afloat until you know more.

if they have suddenly, randomly ghosted you and ended your relationship for no apparent reason, they’re an asshole. that is a shitty, shitty thing to do, and you deserve better than that. don’t chase after someone who would treat you that way. don’t stretch yourself thin trying to get them back.

if they are, for some reason, hurt or offended by something you said or did, then it’s on them to bring that up with you in a mature way. you’ve reached out, now it would be their responsibility to say, “hey, x thing upset me” so that you can have the opportunity to apologize and make things right and work everything out. just going silent and ghosting someone because they did something minorly hurtful is really immature behavior, and again, not your fault.

so regardless of what’s going on with this person, it has nothing to do with you - and i mean that, again, in the kindest way possible. this person’s behavior does not reflect on you in any way whatsoever. believe me, i know how painful it is when somebody you love abandons you, but good, valuable people get abused and abandoned by shitheads every fucking day. getting treated badly by someone has nothing to do with your worth. there is no such thing as being “good enough” to stop people from hurting you or leaving you, because those actions are on them, not on you. nobody can ever make anyone stay or make anyone love them.

it’s okay to be upset about this, i’m not telling you that you need to just accept this behavior without a word and pretend it’s fine. even if they have a good reason to not be responding, it’s still causing you pain, and that pain is real even if it turns out there was some totally unrelated thing that literally prevented them from answering you. even if everything is fine, it’s okay for you to not be fine. but please do your best not to believe your worst fears without any solid evidence, okay?

send one more message and then try to let it go and think about something else. if you don’t hear from them in a long time, like maybe another two weeks, then i might send one last message that’s like, “hey i’m worried about you, are you okay?” and if they don’t give you any answer and you know they’re still active elsewhere... that fucking sucks, but i promise that it isn’t your fault.

#relationships #social skills #anonymous #ask

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shotos-kettle · 4 years

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My dearest Friend.. (M)

Chapter one.

*Trigger waring: violence, rape(in further chapters) p.s.... im sorry for writing this but It just happened and I cant get the plot out of my head.

Based off the inspiration that this photo gave me.

'I'm not too sure when it all really started, maybe a few months after we started school together, but… Kaa-chan has always picked on me one way or another, whether for my intellect, my appearance or the fact that I was born a quirkless nobody…'

Pin pricks of ink dotted around in a general area of the journal as Midoriya ran a hand through his soft messy green locks, a long sigh slipping past his lips as he tried to go deeper into his thoughts, wanting to make his entry tonight mean something more than just mindless drabbles.

'When we got into middle school it started turning into something more than just light teasing, maybe it was because Kaa-chan's body was changing inside so his brain really couldn't tell him it was wrong. Even though I really didn't mind the teasing. At the end of the same day he was still Kaa-chan to me and i was still Deku to him, that was fine right? That's how it was supposed to be between the two of us.'

"Midoriya! Everyone's already downstairs for dinner, are you coming out of your room or not?"

Setting his pen down for a moment Midoriya turned to look at Kirishima who had popped his head into the room, and with a smile on his face he nodded and gave him a small thumbs up. "I'll be down in just a minute, I'm just finishing up some homework that Sir Nighteye gave me during today's work study."

He watched as Kirishima's face took on an unreadable expression for a moment before the fiery red head nodded and smiled before exiting. "Just don't take too much longer, Tsu made dinner tonight and you know how she gets when you skip her meals."

Midorya laughed slightly as he scratched at the nape of his neck. "Yeah yeah i know!" As he stared at the door waiting for a few moments his smile dropped as he thought back to the expression that had crossed over his friend's face for that brief moment, he could only imagine what the boy had been thinking. Turning back to his journal he picked his pen back up and let out a heavy sigh, pressing the tip into the paper to finish off his entry for the night.

'I don't really know how much longer kaa-chan is going to be like this towards me, whether this more aggressive side of him is just a phase or.. if he really does hate me for being picked by all might just like he said. I can never tell if he's being truthful or just saying something to get me off his case. Anyway, we are still friends, no matter what I know he still cares.. I can tell he cares, he just has a strange and unethical way of showing it.'

He closed his journal and finally stood from his desk, taking a glance around the darkened room he gingerly slid the thin journal underneath his heavy mattress. "Alright, time to eat." He murmured to himself as he finally exited his room, taking careful and quiet steps down the stairs to the main hall where he knew everyone would be gathered.

"I'm sorry if I'm late guys! I was almost done with my homework." Midoriya slid into one of the open seats and looked over at Tsu as she set a plate of food in front of him. "Thank you, it looks great as always Tsu!" He let the compliment roll off his tongue, a wave of an undesirable feeling washed through his nerves as he felt daggers digging into the back of his neck. He didn't have to turn around to know where it was coming from, he knew it was Bakugo, it was always Bakugo. No matter where he ventured, whether it was into the city or within the confines of their dorm house he was always there.

His head lowered as he sank into his seat just a little bit more than usual. "Don't thank me Midoriya, I just wanted to make sure you got your dinner too. I heard you have some training today with Mr. Aizawa." It was great that she cared, he enjoyed having friends around him that would care for his well being since gods knew he wouldn't do it himself. Even his mother, Inko would always call him once she knew he was out of class just to make sure he hadn't skipped lunch that day. Bless her heart, she was always so concerned about him and it was a good thing too.

He had to admit, if it weren't for Uraraka and Tsuyu he didn't think he would be able to keep up his strength as well as he had been on his own. "Yeah.. but still Tsu, thank you. I'll enjoy every bit of it!"

As he went to take the first bite of his breakfast a wad of paper landed on his plate, the snickering from behind him caused a shiver to run down his spine. He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat as he set the paper aside and picked up his plate, slowly standing. "I think I'm going to eat on the porch this morning.." he whispered solemnly as he lowered his head, attempting to scoot past the grumpy blonde. But the second his foot caught on something he landed face first into his plate of food, eyes scrunched to not get anything in them.

"Watch where you're going you damn nerd." Bakugo hissed as he knocked his foot into Midoriya's side, just barely missing his hip bone. It was on purpose, and Midoriya knew that… Everything Bakugou did to him was never unintentional, and it hurt. He quietly pushed himself up off the floor, leaving his ruined plate as he rushed out of the common room and into the nearest bathroom, heart pounding as the tears that threatened to spill over just kept building up. He slammed the door shut behind him and pressed his back against it, trying to clear the food away from his eyes so he could open them.

It wasn't an issue of the torture that Bakugou always put him through, no that wasnt why he high tailed it out of there. There was something so much worse going on that pressed further into his mind. Something he would never let come to light. It was painful, to have someone who he considered to be his childhood best friend treat him in such a manner, to bring these feelings forward, and it was even worse to admit to himself that he enjoyed the pain that Bakugou put him through. Though he had to admit it, even if just to himself…

The lock clicked behind him as he pushed away from the door, refusing to look at himself through the mirror as he turned the sink on, beginning to wash the wasted food off his skin. Some of it burned, having been fresh off the stove. Tsuyu must have kept it hot for him while he had been finishing his journal entry for the night. When he finally lifted his head to meet his own eyes he simply stood there, staring back at his own reflection. He felt like a failure, couldn't even stand up so someone he considered a friend despite everything they had done to him over the last few years, but how could he? When the same pain inflicted upon him by that very friend brought him so much sickening joy.

He brought a hand down to press over his now bruised hip, hissing as his fingers dug into the area. Lifting his shirt he examined the blotches of purple and yellow that were blossoming against his skin, his eyes slowly drifting to the tent that had formed in his shorts and a heavy hearted breath left his lips. 'Why am I this way?' He began to think to himself as he rid himself of his clothes, stepping into the tub as he started to let the water fill up. Sinking down to his knees once the scalding water began to rise. 'I can't stop it anymore, why does this keep happening? Why him of all people?'

Midoriya's mind was far too flooded to think rationally as he clasped his fingers around his growing erection, a needy breath leaving his lips as he squeezed the base of his cock. The water that continued to lick as his thighs only egged his arousal on further, his eyes fluttering closed as he leaned back, propping himself against the back of the tub, one leg pressed against the side of the porcelain that framed his body. His hips rocked in time with his strokes, jaw taught to keep himself quiet as his head tipped back against the wall behind him.

His free hand slipped down between his legs, hips lifting as he pressed two slim digits past the tight ring of muscle and deep inside of himself. Wiggling down further into the tub as his back arched, one hand working desperately to stretch himself out and find that spot deep within his ass that would bring stars to his closed eyes. This is what he had become, a disgusting version of himself that got off on being bullied and beaten by one of his closest friends and he hated every second of it. There was something wrong with him, something within his mind had changed over the years and he wasn't sure when it had started but it did.

A gasp left his lips as his climax finally hit, spurts of cum mixing with the water than now came up to his chest, he pulled his hands away and started to tear up again this time the tears spilled over and streamed down his cheeks, soft sobs and hiccups left him as he sat there in his own filthy water, fingers curling into his green locks. "I'm disgusting.. I'm so sorry Kaachan.." The words came out broken as he tried to speak through his own sobs. Bakugou could never find out about any of these feelings, it would surely mark the end of his life if he ever found out.

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pillbug-worm-pillbug · 2 years

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I woke up to the sound of the motor humming.

It sounded a lot like the fishtank I kept in my room when I was 10; friends always used to complain about the noise, how it stopped them from sleeping, but I could never hear it - I'd gone deaf to the sound. And then I threw it out, cause all the fish died, little orange bodies floating like bits of backwash in the water.

I tripped over the old amp laying at the foot of my bed built in to the side of the RV. Jamie still hadnt moved it, but then neither had I. I could probably sell it for a decent price, but it's bulking black shape was almost too familiar to part with. This small space filled up quickly, so selling even one thing made a noticable difference, like an old man losing his already sparce teeth or hair.

Illuminated by the ambient glow that came from the dash or the moon or both, Jamie sat, windbreaker ridden up against the driver's seat. He moved rhythmically, checking lights and signals, breath just loud enough to carry across this tiny universe stretched between us.

"Thought you said you were gonna let me sleep, asshole." I said, and sat beside him. Jamie didnt laugh, instead picked at a zit on its chin. There was a thin fuzz of hair ghosting there, like a peach, and I remembered I'd meant to ask Jamie if he was gonna try grow a beard. But I'd forgotten, and now I was supposed to be angry, so couldnt ask.

"I am. Not my fault you're too scared of getting addicted to take those fuckin sleeping pills." He knew where to jab at me so it hurt worst, like my body was litered in open wounds and he could just look at which was freshest and stick a finger in there. Well, it wasnt exactly a closed book either.

"At least I'm scared of being an addict. You seem to smoke pot all day and not have a care in the world. What, you gonna get us into a car wreck while I doze?" He hit me. A half punch, half slap round the right side of my face. His fingertips were warm and smelled of herbs, so I think he'd been smoking.

"God, just go back to bed, Aubrey! Nobody fuckin wants you around anyway. Thats how you got stuck with me." I got up and tripped on the slippery cover of a magazine - probably one of Jamie's gross porn ones. I picked it up and whacked him with it until it turned around.

"The fuck are you doing!?" It yelled. I chewed at the ulser inside my cheek and sat down on the table, accidentally biting through the skin. The yellow light that seemed to linger everywhere in the RV set me in a grimey glow.

"I wanna go back to Nevada." I said, and my voice sounded like a kid. I am a kid. I wanted to cry like one.

Jamie sighed, and sounded old. Old man Jamie. He would have laughed at that. But these were the dark times, so he just switched the motor off and looked at me, eyes little kumquats, yellowed by the lit air.

"No. We cant go back to Nevada. Why the fuck would you even want to back to Nevada?" He tried to sound like a condescending parent, but its confusion and anger got the better of him as he spoke. A small victory. It was no less pissed and sad than I was. And I called that a victory.

"None of your fucking business, cabby. Whatever. Just drive. Drive us off a cliff if you like, or back to whatever fucking crack den you crawled out of. Im going to sleep."

I went back behind the meagre privacy of the divider curtain, whose edges were moth-bitten, and smelt like old booze. I sat down in the bed again, head aching all of a sudden. My feet hurt, and were dry, and my skin was itchy and sweaty under my clothes. Thirst scraped around the inside of my throat and mouth, like when you accidentally breath in flour whike baking. I was too angry to go out and get a drink. I buried my head under my pillow, and wanted my mommy. That stinking rat of a human, I wanted her. I wanted her to hold me in the way adults hold you, the way that tells you: you're just a small thing, stupid thing, you dont have to worry about anything now. I wanted her to make me ring Jamie in the morning and tell it sorry, like when you fought with friends at school. Because I knew I wouldnt do it now. Because it was the dark times, and we didnt do anything accept yell and cry and poke fingers into wounds, licking off the blood like it would teach us how to be kind, or how to smell fear, like horses can. But it didnt.

I got tired of being so sleepy, so I turned myself on enough to reach an unsatisfying climax and ride it's lackluster high down into sleep. A fitful sleep I spent dreaming about the roadhouse grill at the end of my street, where I went on my first date at age 15, for some reason.

#drabble #jamie and aubrey

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itsjust-a-day · 6 years

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I cant even begin to tell you how good I feel since I’ve been home. I love my job so far. I just love who I am right now. I love this feeling is so independent I just work and do my own thing. it's really nice that my parents are actually acting like I'm competent now that I'm home from school. I and Roland are really in a tough spot right now. and I think it been so hard for me because I'm done the fighting, I've put in everything I can and Roland just can't seem to work on anything I've asked. he hasn't even gotten a job yet. I just cant stand that he's so lazy. and all he does is pick on me even though he knows I'm sensitive. I just feel like our relationship is what I need anymore. but I know that he can convince me to stay. boys who need help have always been my weakness. I guess that's what I got from my mom, I always go for the ones who need me. I really just want to be on my own for a while. I want to just live. I just don't want to hurt him. he is so important to me and I love him so much but I’ve hit my breaking point with everything. he's just not the person I need him to be and that's no fault of his. I just need something different. I'm just worried about all of the friends I'm going to lose if we break up. I and Kenzie will probably still hang out but that's probably it. I literally have 1 maybe two friends if I lose them. and they're such good friends for me. they encourage me to be more extroverted. they make me feel comfortable just being me and that's really nice. I've never really had that before. anyways I'm just good lately my mood is improving so much now that the semester is over. i got really low for a few months. I have this habit of stretching myself too thin and trying to do more things than I need to. I worked so much last semester and I had so much work that I just forgot to do or I needed the sleep more than the credit. it was just a lot for me to try and handle in my first year of college. but honestly, I am so proud of everything I accomplished for myself this year. I kicked ass

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conspiracieys-archive · 7 years

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I know you haven't done a Dusan Nemec thing in awhile (and you don't have to answer if you don't want too) but how do you think he would act in a realationship or to a regular, I know you've briefly mentioned it but how would he treat them? What kind of dates would he take them on? How would they sleep together? Anything else you can think of I'm curious ☺ also what kind of music and movies do you think he likes??? (I asked this a while ago just didn't know if you got it sorry)

YES HELLO i honestly don’t know if i got it i am so sorry. idk if tumblr ate it or if i just forgot (both are super possible) but i am still so sorry. i am Ready To Do This. im always down to talk abt Dusan cause Lordt knows this man needs more love. he’s a fucking disaster and he’s kind of a shitty person. i love it. let’s Do This.

Read More cause long

with a regular, there’s not... Too much emotional depth. like they are both aware that it’s mostly about the sex, but Dusan respects or is interested in them just enough to keep them around instead of tossing them aside like a one night stand. that said, he doesn’t kick out his regulars right away. sometimes they leave of their own accord, and sometimes he has shit to do so they gotta go, but sometimes they stay the night in Dusan’s big ass bed. and they can actually talk in the morning. it’s not ... as awkward as it would be with a o/n/s cause Dusan and his regulars do this a lot.

but at the end of the day, with a Regular, Dusan’s just not in it that deep. they have something he’s interested in (dick, vag, information, something) and he keeps them around. i did write about Dusan and comfort here, and i think that kinda applies to them, too. like it’s important to note that a regular sex partner is not an emotional connection. Dusan just wants to bang someone who knows him and knows his body and who he knows relatively well.

he doesn’t take regulars on any sort of dates cause it’s purely physical. he will invite them over, or have them meet him at Blume HQ for that Locked Personal Office sex, but since there’s no emotion behind it, theres no wine and dine going on.

AS FOR how they sleep together, like at night, Dusan takes up most of the bed. he doesn’t exactly starfish but he lays on his back with an arm out so his Regular can snuggle if they WANT to, but it’s fairly obvious that he doesnt care. he just wants to sleep after a night of Good Sex.

VS a relationship, i mean. when Dusan commits, he commits. the line between Regular and Relationship isn’t exactly thin but it’s also not the thickest line either. and in this context, a Regular has the huge potential of bleeding into a relationship.

if he’s in a relationship, depending on the type, that’s the only person he sees. (i mean, open relationships or poly relationships exist and Dusan is down for any of them ig. just depends on the Partner in question) he does like the... consistency of being in a romantic relationship. like no new partner every night, no switching around to not get attached (unless the s/o in question was a Regular sdfjkhlkjdsf then that Failed Hard). just... Dusan, and this person he cares about a lot.

(if the relationship hits the 8 months mark, Dusan sits them down and they have that Deep Talk about what they want from a relationship. the one that lasts a couple days and they both have to walk away and think about the questions they each asked type of talk)

and while he’s not.... big on dates, he likes to go all out for dates. whether it’s at a Super Fancy Uptown Restaurant™ or a Roof Top Bistro™ or a deeply intimate picnic at a park, Dusan puts his all into it. Man he cares about his S/O!!!! he wants to spoil them. and this dude is rich as FUCK he makes fuckin BANK!!!!!! he can and will senselessly spoil his partner with grand dates. fancy food. he reserved the whole park, hired a bunch of body guards to keep people out so him and his S/O could enjoy the evening without anyone else around. (buying out the park helps if things get heated so it’s less awkward when they try and get it together to go home.)

he has also been known to take a S/O to the movies, or literally fly them across the country for an impromptu night watching the Latest Broadway show. he might even go above and beyond and plan a romantic weekend in Venice (and if it coincides with some Dirty Dealings he has to do... its ok........ no one rly needs to know............................. HEY! what did you expect? he’s Dusan Nemec. he’s still pretty dirty when it comes to Blume and ctOS stuff! love doesn’t mean that stops! it just becomes less obvious to the public and to DedSec because he cares so deeply for someone other than himself)

with a romantic partner, Dusan is more inclined to cuddle and share his space. he doesn’t starfish, doesn’t stretch out to make a point. he lays on his side, 100% ready to Spoon (he does Not jetpack. he likes to be on the outside of snuggling. he’s so paranoid, trying to spoon him will not go well)

the sleepier he gets, the more affectionate he is and he often falls asleep murmuring incoherent sweet nothings against his partner’s neck, tracing nonsensical shapes into their skin as he cuddles them. god i wish that were me. also Dusan will initiate cuddles with a romantic partner. he’s like... get over here........ right up against me... awful.... i love him......

aaaand to wrap it up: music and MOVIES!!!

music wise, he’s pretty open minded, although he is NOT a huge fan of pop music. boybands? gross. he loves Zayn Malik's music now that Zayn’s gone solo but. i think he prefers classical music. soft, dramatic, no lyrics, nothing rly too overwhelming. something to work to or cook to or read to.

catch this man getting rly emotional over classical music. one day he’s just laying on his back on the kitchen floor, staring unseeingly at the ceiling because its So Beautiful. (this happens like once a month)

MOVIES.... he likes classic films i guess??? classic, oldies, cheesy. he loves super old westerns im sorry but I Do Make The Rules and Dusan Loves Cowboys. he’s also big on foreign films. catch him watching French films and his eyes get all glassy cause he just... loves. also Chinese films, too.

he hates Fight Club i just wanna put that out there. he wont watch horror because he doesnt have time to be jump scared every 5 seconds. if theres like a non-jump scare-y horror movie, he’ll probably watch it but he thinks jump scares r Weak. he’s way more powerful than me, i cant watch horror movies of ANY kind.

he hated Inception btw. (i loved Inception) he just... hated it. the only Batman movie he liked was the 1st Batman with Michael Keaton. he’s not a big fan of the rest of them.

he loves Indiana Jones tho jot that the fuck down.

he’s neutral on Star Wars. he just hasnt watched the franchise with someone incredibly passionate about it. if he watches it with me, he’ll Love it. he HAS seen it though he saw the original trilogy and the prequels. “Cassian whom? who is Finn. what is happening. where is Luke?” - Dusan when someone asks him what he thought of TFA and Rogue One.

the only Star Trek he likes is the original series. by that i mean, it’s the only one he’s ever watched all the way thru. someone make this man watch the other series !!!

the first dude Dusan ever popped a boner for was The Rock jussayin.

THATS ENOUGH FROM ME

i hOPE this is what you wanted??? if not pls send another ask and i will add on/clarify whatever??? i love Dusan and i love rambling about this jackass.

#ask #im-satans-cat #dusan nemec #nsfw/

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ramblinginsecurities · 7 years

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DEPRESSIVE RANT WARNING!!!! POSSIBLE TRIGGERS!!!!

********The following is the rant I sent him. Note, this rant contains Self fat shaming, depressive thoughts, and references to wanting to commit suicide*******??

If I had to give my mind an image, then it’s Carnival glass. The type that are in fun houses. Built like a maze. You look in and the image is all distorted. But the edges are sharp and if I touch or fall onto them then I bleed out. I bleed out until I’m too tired to move.

I bump into them all the time. I bleed out all the time. I impale myself on them. I wish for it to end all the time. To die all the time.

The only peace I get is those rare sleeping spells were my mind is blank and black. I know I’m sleeping but I can’t think. My demons can't taunt me then.

One of the mirrors holds my image. I’m fat and I’m ugly and I want to cry when I see it. I don’t think that’s illusion, but the reality. The illusion is the me in my mind outside the mirror. So pretty and skinny and cute. And confident. The me in the mirror is scared. And mumbles “I’m fat.” Under her breath constantly. And if I stare long enough then I start to repeat her, but louder. Sometimes they hear me, but they ignore it.

They agree with the me in the mirror. They just are too polite to say it.

I know how to change this. I just need to work out. Walk more, bike more, lift more. Eat better, eat less.

And I try. But then it does nothing. The scale reads heavier. My stomach grows bigger. I'm awash with self doubt and continously ask myself “is this worth it? Is it working?”

“Well you’d be healthier if you lost weight.” I know. I’m trying.

Somedays I contemplate not eating. Some days I have to force myself to eat something, anything. Somedays I have to remind myself that if the healthy food isn’t there that I still need to eat becuse not eating is “worse”.

Somedays I don’t have the will or energy to cook. Somedays I ask others to. On the worst days I’ll beg others to.

Most days I’m told no, there’s food at home, I can do it myself.

Somedays I just want to die.

I don’t focus on that mirror unless I look at a real one. Or get dressed. Hence why I try to avoid them, and change only once a day if I can help it. Sometimes not at all.

Other mirrors pop up randomly in the maze.

Multiple mirrors reflect my self doubt.

Like my insecurites about how others think of me. They hate me. I’m annoying.

One of them is for what I do. I’m never good enough. I always do things wrong. It replays my problems, things that I’ve tried so hard to fix, that I’ve made plans on how to “fix” but still failed, on a repeated loop.

I can’t even put Kiddo’s shoes on correctly.

I can’t even do basic math.

I can’t even remember to do basic things. Like switch the laundry. Or do something at a specific time. I’m forever forgetful and an incoveience. Maybe it’d just be better if I was gone, and not an inconvience or an obstacle anymore.

I’ve become so accustomed to self medicating this. Simple repetive tasks. Feeling like I’m acomplishing something. I’m not a fuck up. I can do this.

It’s why I don’t leave work. In the kennels I’m doing something. In the kennels I help the dogs/cats and I get rewarded with love and affection. I don’t fuck up to them.

Some days I get the urge to “fix” things. To clean the rooms that make me want to go sleep. I get a little bit in and stop. I can’t deal with it. I just want to stop. Start over. Run away to somewhere clean. Somewhere with nothing in it. Not even me. Especially not me.

Another mirror is my sexuality. That’s gotten better by stopping the meds. But I’m never sexy enough, I never want sex enough, I never want it at the right times, I always do things that prevent it from being possible for long periods of time. I'm too vanilla, I’m too merciless, I don’t have enough dexterity to try new positions. I never feel enough, I’m always worried I’m faking it. Am I? I don’t know.

“It’s fine.” No, it’s not. I see it on your face and in your eyes everytime I say anything or say no.

“I’m used to it.” The unhappiness radiates from you with each word. I want to scream. A gutteral, anguished scream.

That’s why I suggested the open relationship. I want to see you happy. I need to see you happy. I need to know I’m not taking you with me.

The mirror that lurks by this one reflects how much I don’t make you happy. Every moment of anger, every tear. I prick my finger on it and I start gushing out all of my blood. It’s why I get edgy. I’m trying to stop the hemorrhaging.

I see how you are with everyone else. Happy. Happy to see them. Happy to be with them. No anger. You focus back on me and I’ve fucked up again. You’re disapointed, you’re angry. I get so scared it’ll be the end. The last straw. But I can’t fix it. Sometimes I think we’re doing great and it’s back.

Every time you look at me endearingly I can’t believe it. You’re faking it, you’re lying. To me, to yourself. Jump ship. Leave. It’s drowning anyways. Don’t drown too. You only drown when I’m with you.

And then like clockwork the problems are back. I’m always waiting with baited breath, the list of how I've failed you again. And that list is different each day.

The other mirror is kiddo. Somedays… somedays all the pain goes away with this mirror. Somedays I hold this mirror tight, never wanting to let go. Somedays, I’m good enough. Somedays, I don’t fuck up.

Most days, it’s a bandage. Most days a smile keeps me from giving up completely.

Bad days, I’m a total fuck up. A horrible mom.

I don’t deserve him. I don’t desrve to live.

Bad days I can’t hold his hand. Bad days he needs to be away from me. It hurts. I want to walk away. If I make him go to you and walk away slowly you’d never notice. I could disapear into the crowd.

Bad days you push him back repeatedly and I want to scream. I’m agitated.

Don’t leave him with me. I'm tainted. I'm poison.

He’s going to end up fucked up like me.

I distance myself. I try to self medicate by distration. If I can’t think, I won’t feel. I wait for the storm to pass. Some days takes longer than others. Sometimes I need to sleep it off. Others I wait days until it’s gone.

Sleep instead of answer the call to sever the blue jutting out from my skin. Would it hurt? Or would I stop hurting?

I stare at my hands and wrists a lot.

Sometimes I distance myself because it’ll be harder to miss something that you felt was never there to begin with. Maybe it'll be better then.

Somedays I have the energy to try and fix things. It’s limited energy and I know it. I try to fix everything and I stretch too thin. I burn out. Instead of being fixed it’s worse than when I started. So I try to focus on one problem at a time. And then the rest get worse. And very little progress is made. So I alternate and it still doesn’t help.

I ask for help and I’m told sure but nothing gets better. It never gets better. It always gets worse.

Why can’t I just do everything at the same time like a normal person?

I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Maybe I need help? I laugh. Right help. Help when I can’t open up. When I’m afraid of the verdict if I do.

I can’t lose him. I can’t lose him. I can’t.

Then I’ll just give in.

How can I ask for help when no one knows I need it? When I can smile even when I’m dead and numb. When I can fool even myself in to thinking that I’m alright. I’m doing better.

Kill me. Laugh it off. It’s a joke. It’s a joke.

It’s not.

I’m too afraid to do it myself. I’ll end up regreting if it takes too long. I’ll change my mind. I cant do it quick because what if I would (change my mind)?

If someone does it for me then it’s for the best. It’s not my choice. It was just deemed better that way.

Just take him to the park. Just throw the ball around with him.

How do you expect me to have the motivation or energy to do those things when I don’t have the motivation or energy to breathe? To existe?

I just want to lay down and die. I just want to forget to breathe.

Autopilot on numb.

Please just kill me.

#suicidal thoughts #suicide #kill me #rant #deprssion #weight problems #fat shaming

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