#I'm desperate here... I need a scene like this. Like-- need it ASAP.

[byler-heart]

I HAD A VISION!!! GUYS GUYS I HAD A VISION

As I was rewatching season 3, I came to this beautiful Jopper scene, and suddenly, it hit me.

Picture this:

Season 5. Mike Wheeler stands with some members of the party, discussing their plans to defeat Vecna, but he's not even listening, distracted and visibly exhausted, his thoughts elsewhere, looking off into the distance until his eyes land on—

Will, who is chatting with Robin.

Mike's gaze immediately softens; his eyes sparkle in that special way reserved only for Will. A timid, tender smile curls across his lips. The camera lingers on him for a few moments, gradually zooming in on his mesmerized expression, closer and closer, and then—oh…

Right here, it's clear to the audience that Mike isn't just looking at Will; he's truly seeing him. Mike's gaze is unguarded, raw, revealing his deepest emotions. His fondness for Will radiates from him, palpable and undeniable. [Tender, emotional music] starts to play. The audience feels it. We know. We all know. The truth hangs heavy in the air, undeniable, irrevocable— Mike loves Will.

And we all see it.

[thedeathdeelers]

I finished my first rewatch of lovely runner🥲 and I'm still not over it heh (and I don't want to be 🫠😂) so I was rewatching the scene where Sunjae and Sol meet right after Sunjae remembers everything (God just the angst of that *chefs kiss) and oh my God the tremble in Sunjae's voice when he asks her if she cried like that everytime she was lonely. Byeon Woo Seok's so good! This drama just keeps on giving 😭

thank you for this because it gave me the chance to rewatch that scene specifically 😌 for science 😌

(but ayy!!! now onto the second rewatch!!) (but yeah i’m halfway through my rewatch but i’ve slowed down so i can avoid reaching the eNd again 🥲)

honestly everything about that moment was SO. WELL. DONE.

the lead up??? a masterpiece. the memories pouring in while sunjae tries to keep up, his eyes his facial expression feeling like it’s all too much but everything suddenly makes SENSE - the heartache the joy the confusion the undERSTANDING the despERATION

lying there on the street not even aware he nearly died- purely cause he’s drowning in everything sol!!! and then!! HE RUNS. HES RUNNING AND HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO!! he just needs to GET TO HER ASAP AND NOT LOSE HER AGAIN HE JUST HAS TO GET TO HER

i can’t even begin to imagine what he must’ve felt when he first lays eyes on her — like she’s not in his memories anymore- not the sol in all those different timelines, not the sol from this timeline when he didn’t recognise her

she’s here. she’s real. and he’s out of breath and his mind is a massive mess and his soul is exhausted but she’s here

and he’s starting to truly realise what she must’ve gone through…::repeatedly. having to see him die having to run around with all that burden on her shoulders

not telling anyone

making the decision to start all over again and keeping her distance from him- all alone. no one to confide in- not even him

his heart breaks - cause he knows what it feels like to live a life without her — both when he knows she exists and when he doesn’t

and he knows how horrible it is — but sol knew him and loved him and lived a life where he loved her too….and yet had to go through 15 years denying herself that joy and love and connection to keep him safe…such a massive selfless act..

all for him.

and now he’s staring at her out of breath with red eyes and tears rolling down her cheeks and he knows why. he finally knows the answer to the question he’s always asking her “why are you crying? did i do something wrong?”

he knows the answer…::and it’s not a happy one

AND NOW HE GETS TO SEE IT LIVE IN ACTION IN FRONT OF HIM- she’s obviously been crying and she’s trying to deny it and he realises this has been her life for the last 15 years….,.,,,…

“did you cry like that all the time? while missing that guy who forgot all about you?” screaming crying throwing up

(we have to give massive props to sol / hye yoon for the way she conveys emotion. it’s wild. insane. soljae wouldn’t exist without her and her incredible acting) (and the way she lets go of all the pain and longing and all those built up emotions that she’s been carrying with her the moment he says “sol-ah” istg)

like. i was fine before i started writing this but now im losing my mind a little sat at my desk in front of my excel sheet….

[aleksanderscult]

Part 2 of Aleksander Morozova being a jealous bitch

So. We already covered most of the Darkling's jealous moments from "Shadow and Bone" (hehehe, it was fun) and now this is the rest. I had so much fun doing these as well.

(Here's part 1, part 3, part 4, part 5 and the bonus content in case someone missed them)

Grab your popcorn people and let's dive in! 🍿

It's not a jealous moment, I know 😭 (Actually it's the result of it). But he's so emotionally done and drained he needs a therapist ASAP. Our boy has turned to drinking to deal with the pain of Alina abandoning him, no longer loving him, loving someone else AND most importantly one of his greatest dreams (finding the stag, giving the colar to Alina and using it to enter and control the Fold) is no longer a victory. He's not celebrating anything. He just stands there sulking with a bottle of kvas beside him. He wanted her to be on his side willingly. To do this together. And now his dream, his long-awaited victory went puff.

Oh! By the way, he's not drunk here. Leigh has confirmed it and her explanation makes sense:

Again. Not exactly a jealousy scene but it would be foolish to leave it aside.

He is so good at reading people. But also he tries so hard here to make her talk to him. He's like "Speak to me. Start talking". He brought her all the way to his tent where he's having an emotional breakdown (he could have hidden this part of himself, this vulnerable and broken scene of him, but he lets her see him this way) to make her explain to him why she did what she did. Why did she run? Why did she believe Baghra that everything was a lie (even his feelings for her)? Did she stop to think what her loss, her abandonment would mean for him (I love that last line of his and I'm gonna make a post about it in the future)? And he's using an obvious threat towards Mal's life to make her talk. He knows Mal is the only thing that can arouse her attention to him. Boy, isn't he desperate for her attention. Her explanations.

I CAN'T 😭

He's so like: "I gave you power, strength, encouraged you and supported you and you chose a freaking tRaCkEr??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??"

"... keep house for your tracker." HE'S SO SARCASTIC PLEASE-

Also, he seems genuinely surprised at the lengths Alina would go for Mal. She's willing to see him exiled from Ravka if that means that she can join him too.

Literally the Darkling with Alina's way of thinking here:

First of all, he's right.

Second of all, he literally doesn't give two fucks about Mal 😭😭

(Again the scorn and sarcasm here😚👌)

For him, he's worthless, unworthy of attention, another passing otkazat'sya but he's still important to Alina (a huge fucking inconvenience in other words).

Btw, is it me or does he sound a little hurt, a little annoyed that Alina doesn't care that he betrayed him? And that she only cares for Mal? And not for him. Just for Mal.🙃 Like "you don't even care how I feel about it. The only thoughts you have are about him (okay gonna shut up now).

AGAIN, he tries to force her to talk to him. He is losing control of his emotions, the whole betrayal and jealousy situation makes him crazy and that's why here he tries to regain control. Do you remember what Leigh said before? That the Darkling doesn't like being out of control? Yep! We see it here, clear as day. He hates it. And he seems desperate to regain it. So he makes her beg.

(and the fury he has and lets out through a painful grip. He is INCAPABLE of tolerating the reality that Alina loves Mal more than him.)

Also, are you really sure you want to know how much she loves him, Aleks boy?? 'Cause I think the honest answer would make you drink five more bottles of kvas😭

The fact that he wants to make sure that she will witness his death.

It gives such strong vibes of "I'll kill that asshole and I want you to be there to see it".

I mean he definitely does it 'cause he's a traitor and deserter but there's also so much bottled resentment. He could have hanged him, shoot him in a corner or stab him and that would be the end of that. But no, he has a special punishment for him 'cause there are personal feelings here. A punishment that Alina must witness.

Dark jealousy here indeed.

So here's part two of Aleksander being done with Mal, Alina, his feral feelings and the world. On part three I'll analyse his salty "Siege and Storm" moments (some of the most iconic lie there).

[inglourious-imagines]

Hello! I'm so glad to have stumbled on your blog! I'd like to request anything for Doc Bryan of GenKill please. I can and will wait forever for any Doc content 😅 I saw your prompt list and I think

1. I fucking hate everyone. But you, you’re the only person I don’t hate.

would suit him quite well HAHA but prompt number 3 and prompt number 9 would be quite sweet too 😁 anyway, anything you write I will gratefully read and love. Thanks so much!

Life Vest (Doc Bryan x GN!Reader)

Requested by: anon

Prompt: #1 - I fucking hate everyone. But you, you're the only person I don't hate.

Summary: You're a Corpsman with the Recon Marines, working alongside doc Bryan. After one tough afternoon, you two finally (somewhat ;)) talk.

Taglist: in my bio

Warnings: child's death although it doesn't actually happen in this fic

A/N: I don't study medicine so I might have fucked up some facts about certain things so apologies if I did. Thank you for your request!

.

.

.

With every passing second, more and more locals are appearing, surrounding the group of Marines in the middle of some Iraqi town almost none of them know how to actually pronounce. From behind the cornerns of ruins of old buildings, out of the beaten doors of houses that hadn't been bombed yet, from small huts, children, women, men of all ages are coming to see what is happening.

The small area is slowly getting too crowded to have it under control and Lt. Fick is pacing around the scene unfolding before his eyes with apparent unease. US Marines are stationed around the place, but all of them know it is not enough. 

Fick waves his left hand and within a second he has Brad Colbert by his side, awaiting orders. 

"Get Bryan and Y/N out of there. We can't handle this anymore. We need to be Oscar Mike ASAP."

Brad only nods and he's already pushing his way through the crowd that seems to be made of concrete rather than people, as the young soldier struggles to advance forward.

In the centre of it all, kneeling on the ground, with blood soaked into the sand, are the two exhausted Corpsmen. 

"The children are going to die here." Bryan states matter-of-factly without even looking up, while he's bandaging the young boy who can't be more than seven years old. 

You know that but the words still send a chill down your spine, but you continue working too, without the apparent pointlessness of the reality to stop you.

You always know the facts after observing the situation, just like Bryan does, but you've never been able to announce it with such distance and certain cold even, even though you know it is necessary. 

Robert Timothy Bryan is a straightforward man, a trait useful in the Corps and you've learned over the time to report the situation to your superior officers, but you still lack that sort of Bryaness and you probably always will. 

You allow yourself to steal a glance at him. He's concentrated at the work before him, as he always is, the look of focus in his eyes more visible than ever. His face doesn't show any other emotion much, but you know he's exhausted beyond words, physically and mentally, although he would never admit to that out loud. 

You come back to the little boy under your arms. He has two fractured ribs, that are causing him great pain but you are simply unable to do anything about it, he has one bad scratch on his left arm and a deep cut on his thigh - there is no serious bleeding and it is apparent that it must have been some time since he got wounded.

You cut off a part of his trousers to get a better access to the wound and you immediately notice the bloody spots and bruises. 

You pick up your gaze to look at Bryan to find him already staring at you. You both know what this means, there is no need to say it out loud.

You look back down at the little boy, there are tears in his brown eyes and suddenly there's a lump in your throat. You desperately want to help the kid, but no matter what you do, nothing will be enough. The blood poisoning will kill him, you don't know when, he has only some hours to live tops, if he's lucky, and so far his fate has played a cruel game with him.

Then his little hand reaches for yours and you instinctively squeeze it. You hear in the background some voice saying something, you don't know what, you're too caught up in the moment that suddenly nothing matters anymore and the eyes of the boy make you question if this is really your war, if it really isn't your presence that will got him killed eventually.

In your peripheral vision you catch Bryan standing up and patting someone on the shoulder but you stop paying attention to that right away.

The boy is saying something now you don't understand but you just know he's begging you to help him. And you can't. 

"I know," you hear yourself say, "I know and I'm sorry."

Useless words. Empty. Meaningless.

A woman kneels down before you, scooping the boy in her arms. His hand falls out of yours and it breaks your heart. He looks just like the woman, both of them with deep brown eyes, soft features, thick brown hair. 

She nods. An understanding. 

You wouldn't be able to tell her that her son will die in her arms, probably tonight. 

There is a soft tap on your shoulder. You turn your head slightly. 

"We have to go," Bryan is whispering into your ear, his hand still resting on your shoulder. You lean into his touch for comfort and you convince yourself it is everything you need in order to pull yourself together.

You don't look at the boy anymore. You can't. You stand up to follow your fellow Corpsman and without any warning, he reaches behind himself for your hand. He grabs it to not lose you in the crowd.

And you hold onto it like it's a life vest. Perhaps it is everything you need to pull through this war, perhaps he is.

---

Later that day, when you stop for the night, you can't sleep. You can see those helpless eyes of that boy every time you close your eyes.

This, most definitely, is not your first encounter with wounded locals you couldn't save, as it is not your last, but this one stays with you, no matter how much you fight it. 

"Good work today, Y/N," you can hear Bryan's voice behind you. He sits on the ground next to you, shoulders and knees touching, and finally his affection towards you surprises you. You were too caught up in those moments before to notice how much he actually looks after you. 

"If you say so," you respond, not sharing his opinion. You feel like you failed today. 

"I know so," he counters, nudging you softly with his side. You finally smile.

You wait for him to bring up the boy incident but he doesn't speak one word of it and you're more than grateful. You couldn't talk about it if you tried. Maybe in a few years, but not today, and Bryan knows this, even if you don't. 

"You're awfully nice to me lately," you decide to keep the conversation going, turning your head to look at him for just a moment.

He chuckles at that, a sound you haven't heard enough and could easily get drunk on. "I'm nice to everyone." 

You burst out laughing at his answer, as all those cold stares and snarky comments of his come to your mind. 

He joins in, smiling. "That felt wrong just to say it."

"Tell me about it."

"I just-" he surpises you when he continues, "I just fucking hate everyone." 

You stop laughing and your heart drops a little but Bryan is still talking. "But you? You're the only person I don't hate." 

You're so caught off guard that you can't find anything to say back to that as your own capibility to talk fails you. The words hang above you both, you savour the feeling because you finally don't feel so alone in the vast world.

Something clicks in you when he says those words and you're smiling now, you couldn't stop smiling if you wanted to.

You grab his hand and squeeze it, you don't let go of him, you can't now. 

"I don't hate you too," you finally respond and you don't have to look at him to know he's smiling now too. 

[pharawee]

Remember when Harikarn promised us a special episode of Chains of Heart? Only that fell through and then they started posting the special episode script? Only they never finished posting the script so we'll never get that happy ending we so desperately deserve... (unless the movie cut will add a scene or two).

But fear not! I have finally finished reading the novel because someone on wattpad was kind enough to translate it (I'd love to add a link here but I don't want to give wattpad any reason to delete the translation. But feel free to send me a message or ask and I'll happily share the link).

Turns out, Harikarn have actually been playing 3D chess with us all this time. Remember Knot?

He was one of Phayu's many men in black who could also conveniently predict the future. Well, the novel reveals his whole vision: If Din were to kill Chief Ingpha, Ken's and his fate would never again intertwine. Only, in the novel Din/Lue doesn't kill Ingpha, and so they change fate and get their happy ending.

But in the series Din/Lue kills Ingpha, so Ken and he essentially get the worst possible ending. Ouch. It's like playing a video game, making all of the wrong choices and getting a bad ending cutscene. Thanks so much, Harikarn.

Other highlights from the novel include:

Remember DeeDee and Don?

They're a couple.* We were robbed.

(Readers of the novel were robbed too because they never have any scenes together. Deedee just mentions that because he worked undercover for Phayu and Don worked undercover for the police their passes crossed and now they're together. Apparently Don is a rather fierce lover. Also, maybe they have their own novel - every other couple in this universe does.)

*Every dude in this universe is gay and paired up. At this point I'm very suspicious about Din's and Ken's dads. They must never be allowed to meet under any circumstance.

Oh, and Lue's mysterious son? His name is Fuu and Lue uses him to trick Ken into marrying him. Fuu calls Ken Mae/mum (with Lue/Din being Por/dad of course). The novel ends with them buying/opening a hotel and a cooking school in Uttaradit.

As to how Din survived getting shot by Chief Ingpha right at the beginning of it all? Turns out the stone he wore around his neck that the monk gave him? It caught the bullet.

I'm sure there's more but daylight saving time is messing with me and that's all I can think of right now. I still love Chains of Heart very very much and I need all of these 735253432 couples to get their own series ASAP.

[muppetminge]

i don't as such care much for the concept of pride month, but since i happen to not have much going in june i will take this as an excuse to watch a bunch a lesbian films. in theory, this could be 30 - in practice, it almost definitely won't be. i will 100 % get bored and stop at some point. anyway i want to find like actually good lesbian movies - which might be an oxymoron, but anyway - this means i'll only be watching woman-directed movies, preferably lesbian-directed but i'm aware i probably won't get to be that picky </3.

movies watched:

1. The Watermelon Woman (1996), dir. Cheryl Dunye. "all you do since you don't have a girlfriend is watch those boring old films" well, screw you too, tam. so happy to start off the month with something that's actually good. thank you cheryl <3 speaking of, this woman is so fucking hot it's bullshit. also i do need her earrings like asap but that's another topic. forever saddened by the death of video stores... where am i supposed to go to meet hot lesbians now? netflix? it's bullshit, man.

I don't think there's any part of this I don't find incredibly compelling. It's really funny, and just generally so charming and, well, human. the narrative of building your own history really resonates, and honestly cheryl gets it across incredibly.

2. Pariah (2011), dir. Dee Ress. i didn't vibe with this one as much, but i guess that's my own fault considering i knew very well going into this that i don't particularly like coming-of-age movies. the soundtrack hit most of the time, even if the soundscape in general was a bit flat for my taste. it's a very dark movie. like, physically. i couldn't see shit half the time. also not really a fan of the camerawork throughout most of it. it's a nice-looking film if it's your kind of taste - unfortunately i am too kitsch to really appreciate it :/ i thought scene near the end with lee and her dad on the roof was really nice. also found kim wayans' character really compelling

3. La Belle Saison (2015), dir. Catherine Corsini. not projecting but also delphine i feel you so hard. is this representation because if so i don't mind it... (except the part where you're actually getting some but whatever). desperately making me feel like i should wear more tank tops. anyway delphine was really in a headlock with every single one of her principles toward the end huh. i get the dilemma though her riding tractors is basically public service (to Me because it's incredibly hot). i'm not even gonna be an ass about it like i genuinely just really liked this.

4. But I'm a Cheerleader (1999), dir. Jaime Babbit. "1-2-3-4, inverts we won't be no more!" obviously i've watched this a million times before. did take this as an excuse to watch the extended edition and like just saying ms babbit if you want to extend even more you're more than welcome to it <3 gonna be careful about mentioning natasha here because i love her and chances are i won't be able to shut up again but gd people really do underestimate how fucking funny she is… i've personal beef with clea for having basically the same haircut i had for a long while and making it look so much better. only realized on this watch that melanie lynskey's playing hilary. incredible. anyway i genuinely don't know what more anyone could possibly want in a movie. it's so hot. like all movies should look like this - let those colors pop for a change! one of the best soundtracks of the last thirty years and i'm so serious about that.

i think this was probably the first genuinely good lesbian movie i saw as a teenager desperately searching for something to relate to. it still grips me from the very first scene even now. i do think the stars aligned to make this work. it's so funny and it's such a great satire.

5. リズと青い鳥 / Liz and the Blue Bird (2018), dir. Naoko Yamada. shit, dude. first of all this is so so pretty. it makes me insane how much care and effort they'll put into like a background shot of a shelf or something... and all the watercolor... gorgeous. like just the opening shot with all flowers and the colors that are just popping right out at you... in general just really effective visual communication, especially on rewatches i'd imagine (after having seen the final hug scene). i remember when i went to high school one of my classmates was so incredibly musically talented it was genuinely a bit infuriating and i was so shocked she didn't go on to study music 'cause i would have if i'd been able to get in lmao. anyway this was really sweet. the last third is so incredible. when they finally play it, damn... genuinely like goosebumps. and then it somehow kept going? i feel like it's still settling while i'm writing this but i feel like i'm probably going to watch again at some point.

6. I Can't Think Straight (2008), dir. Shamim Sarif. (quote?) cut to waters novel. cut to k.d. lang cd. one wonders. this having a lower average than imagine me & you if anything really shows that reviews are bullshit. loved the music. loved lisa ray's character being half a second from jumping leyla at all times. loved zina; wish she'd had more scenes. loved leyla's dad being an insurance salesman; life insurance even. sells itself. when the ladies finally did jump each other it was with zero hesitation and i fuck with that so hard. this movie is so funny i don't care. bonus the ladies are very very hot. you can't fault a movie from 2008 for being incredibly 2008. here's to leyla for one day achieving the honor of being tala's fifth fiance(e). truly gettin' it all.

7. Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019), dir. Céline Sciamma. writing this on the eighth with an officially broken streak :( it Will happen again. this is indeed the first time i've watched this because i am to my core a contrarian bitch and seeing everyone freak out about this did Not make me want to watch it. now i have, and like... it's alright, yeah. didn't love love it. it's probably too long for what it's got going on. i loved héloïse; she was great. there's some really powerful scenes in here, the bonfire scene especially. i really liked how blue the ocean was; i hate this tendency of (especially) period pieces washing out everything to a ridiculous degree. i know some people are like insane about this movie and i'm happy for them but i can't relate unfortunately.

i did think briefly at the start that it was gonna be about croquis, and i really wish it had been, ngl.

8. Carmen y Lola (2018), dir. Arantxa Echevarría. 'ya te he olvidado' yeah babe sure looks it. had a certain interest in this going into it for very elaborate personal reasons. it's a lot better than the synopsis makes it sound. lola searching 'lesbianas madrid' like i feel you girl, been there!!! speaking of i was def convinced lola was a lesbian which feels like so rare in such a 'mainstream' movie lmao so well done. very believable. and like my girl was so so persistent you gotta give her that like she really went for it. can't blame her i'd be so into carmen too so like. her voice made me wanna die. so hot. (sí también es que el acento madrileño me pone un poquito pero,,,,). it really went insane at the end like damn. i was not expecting the ending tho like i really thought carmen was gonna be annoying about it. do i even have to save that i really liked this? because surprisingly i really really did. i can't help but feel it's getting rewatched a ton some time lmaooo.

9. 漂浪青春 / Drifting Flowers (2008), dir. Zero Chou. can't believe someone in the reviews of this stole my joke three years ago. speaking of reviews don't look at them because of course people have to be so so annoying about this. as usual. anyway. i was so drawn in by this you wouldn't belive!! i don't even know what to say... this is for all us if these walls could talk babes btw. loved the scene where one of the characters blatantly walked by posters and posters of one of chou's other movies. show off.

diego!!! <3<3<3 every single character is lovely but diego made me wanna *** ngl. it did hit very close to home, thanks for asking. realised in her part that i probably chose the wrong day to watch this but that's on me lmao. this would have broken me if i had watched it as a teenager lowkey. does it come across in this that i really like interconnecting vignettes? because i do, and this is really well-executed. hope you'll watch it and also that you'll find less spotty subtitles than i did if you do lmao.

it's a very genuine movie; i don't mean that in a condescending way, because it's also very much a well-made movie, but it's a movie that so clearly has a lot to say, and i appreciated all of it. perhaps this is also why i was so surprised at the reviews, because it really resonated with me. i know i've already pointed out diego a lot, but all three parts were incredible and they really held each other up. i don't think any of them would feel as complete without the other parts. in an odd way it stands like a shining light in the darkness.

10. Addicted to Fresno (2015), dir. Jaime Babbit. "(lesbians are poor. ..)" confirmed babbit apologist sorry :/ anyway i'm not gonna compare this to cheerleader i wouldn't want to try to follow that either. it's a fun movie! i laughed a ton. my lyonne obsession is well-documented so i'm not even gonna touch on that lmao. that being said martha is exactly the kind of lesbian i want to see more of (no projection here. obviously). i'm bound to be all over anything with these themes; lo and behold indeed i was. i stand by this being really well-executed, y'all just didn't get what she was trying to do <3 you could argue some tonal difficulties, but honestly i'm not going to. it worked. it's a bit quiet, but i can see that adding to the whole point of being stuck. some surprise appearances to delight

11. Saving Face (2004), dir. Alice Wu. first of all gd will's mom has got it going on. anyway i wanted a fun romcom and i got a fun romcom so i'm not complaining! i will say that i think this is the genre at its best. like romcoms often risk coming across as a bit clinical i feel, a bit empty, but this is just so warm. i adored hwei-lan (not just because she's hot but let me reiterate that she's so unbelievably hot; i get that boy so much, i really do), she's so funny. i love circular storytelling, and i think the end was done really well. the scene after that during the credits is exactly how i want my movies to end actually, i want my face to hurt smiling. don't you? wil is an absolutely idiot. i cannot blame her for a single thing. also i get you babe, i can't stand for dancers either. i feel like this is close to being one of most just plain fun movies i've watched so far.

12. Kyss mig (2011), dir. Alexandra-Therese Keining. gd i so want all my lesbian movies to start with a straight sex scene, don't you? coming to you with the exact opposite mood of that from yesterday. everyone in this is horrible. mia and frida's relationship is not believable at all to me sorry. i barely believe that these two even like each other if i'm being honest. it's not the first movie here where the romance comes a bit from nowhere (namely portrait, which made up for it with some level of charm, and belle saison, which i just liked enough otherwise to excuse it) but here i'm definitely gonna blame it for it because it's got nothing else going on, either. to be entirely fair, it was very optimistic going into this with my dislike of 'scandi dramas', especially of the swedish variety, but fuuuuck, i was so bored i'm sorry. it's soooo slow. i actually quite liked elin but she was there for like five seconds - and good for her, because damn you deserve better babe... both of the main women kind of suck lmao but at least frida sucks in a fun way most of the time, so she's excused. i don't know if i'm supposed to feel bad for tim (probably! knowing the genre, knowing swedes, knowing movies), but he's such an asshole. i genuinely think mia should have killed him. i can't blame mia for sucking; her dad's a major asshole, i'm sure she's had it rough. i'm sure if you like this sort of movies it's alright. it's not badly made by any account, i just really didn't like it. it has its audience. definitely a new low so far. the one good thing about this was that it really made me appreciate being a lesbian; those scenes with mia and tim genuinely looked like my personal hell. if i was mia i'd jump the first girl who looked at me too, ngl. the ending did make up for a few things, all things considered. i watched a not insignificant part of this without subtitles (because they would not workkkk) and i'm so brave for that tbh

13. Kokon (2020), dir. Leonie Krippendorff. proof that i should probably do more research before watching stuff (never going to happen though; no fun) because i did not realise this would be this much of a coming-of-age story. like literally hitting all the points. anyway it didn't do much for me. i really don't want to be mean here because it's obviously a very well-made film, and i get the intention, but... i was so fucking bored you would not believe. like i was less actively annoyed by this than kyss mig, but way more bored. it's not a very long movie, but it sure feels like it! anyway, if you're watching for the rep, you can skip this one; it's not really the main part of the movie, which is fine - comparatively, pariah had much more of a lesbian focus. this one really is just coming-of-age. something something you know you're in berlin when the whitest girl you've ever seen is swearing on the qur'an. i'm so glad i'm not a teenager - and what a joy to be getting further and further away every day <33

14. Desert Hearts (1985), dir. Donna Deitch. first of all the soundtracks is lovely (and it's a well-documented fact that mona will forgive everything for a good soundtrack). second of all i want to watch this again. like, immediately, right now. i'm gonna watch this so much i fear it's not even funny. ignore the 80s hair; we're in the 50s. one of the better romances yet. the lesbian-english teacher hypothesis proving true time and time again... incredible. cay is so funny. like the way the camera pans over to her in the bed in the hotel room scene... cinema! i was fucking done lmao. it's all just very lovely.

15. Go Fish (1994), dir. Rose Troche. well, we had to go here at some point. it's a very jazzy movie; take that however you wish. i have my criticisms, but also you can't blame a 90s movie for being too 90s (which in truth is what a lot of it boils down to). max' narrations were without a doubt my favorite part, the start especially so. there's more lesbians in one 80 minute movie than i've even crossed paths with, ever. cutting your fingernails before a date counts as foreplay in my book.

16. Joven y alocada (2012), dir. Marialy Rivas. i just know the progressive profesoras are going wild over this. huge respect to chileans for seeing a word and deciding fuck that shit and dropping half of it. top five accent ngl. also polola... also credit for starting a movie in the most uncomfortable way possible. anyway i am so not the target audience for this it's not even funny. it's well-composed, the style is great, entirely well-done, did not care for it. i only finished because i couldn't get the last-moment replacement to work and i didn't have time to watch anything else lmao. i have a lot of respect for rivas (hence me watching this) but... yeah. also really getting confirmed that i am very fine with lesbian sex scenes but straight sex scenes are horrrrrible.. nice reminder of the lesbianism i guess! i will be singing yo no te pido la luuuuna the rest of the night though. non voglio mica la luna...

17. Les Rendez-vous d'Anna (1978), dir. Chantal Akerman. an excuse to cross some akerman off my watchlist? you could call it that. i have a ton of respect for her. she's a very interesting person, i think. an interesting movie, too, all things considered. i'm very much drawn to the fastpaced and erratic truth be told, which this is like the polar opposite of, but it's got its point. i really liked the part with her mother. that was probably the high point of this. i didn't really care for either of the guys, like, at all, but it is what it is. still gathering my thoughts, i feel. not sure i'm entirely in the right space to really appreciate this.

18. Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same (2011), dir. Madeleine Olnek. "...I did wonder about the gills". oh, this is how you make a movie. (was smiling and/or laughing from beginning to end). question: can this be replicated in real life. like can i just go find the nearest hot stationery clerk or how does this work.

19. Mädchen in Uniform (1931), dir. Leontine Sagan. all impact aside, this is a lot more fun than i'd thought. obviously i've been putting this off for a while now considering i hadn't seen it til now, but i really did enjoy it. i feel like it's rare seeing girls just having fun like this. as a young girl i was very into this old book series (incidentally from my mother's childhood) about some girls at a boarding school; entirely irrelevant to every and anything here, but watching this gave me the same vibe throughout much of it.

20. سكر بنات / Caramel (2007), dir. Nadine Labaki. absolutely adore this one description i found that says rima is struggling with her attraction to women - lmao where?? the most she struggles in this movie is the coerced leg wax lmao. otherwise it's basically all very sensual hair washing, gd bless. she's also very hot btw i do need to mention that. i see you all going crazy over labaki and you're not wrong but gd man... anyway, sensual hairwashing aside, the straight girls are alright too. seriously, this is actually very good. even though rima's the lesbian the most homoerotic part of this is layale very aggresively waxing of her lover's wife.

21. Een vrouw als Eva (1979), dir. Nouchka van Brakel. after a hundred minutes still not convinced this is a real language. anyway, i don't even know what to say. fuck, dude. gd. you could argue dated, but fuck it's rare to see a movie like this treat its lesbian protagonist with this much sympathy, even today. there's a lot to say, but in my mind this is what i keep coming back to. it's in the little things. at no point does this feel perfomative to me, either. a few asides: the beginning of this movie was very extremely effective at showing how utterly miserable eve was lmao. ad is a giant asshole; eve not slapping him is a testament to this poor woman's patience.

22. 蝴蝶 / Butterfly (2004), dir. Mak Yan-Yan. between the marianne faithful, patti smith and janis joplin i can't be entirely sure jin's place isn't actually mine also fuck josie ho is gorgeous. i almost didn't watch this (length) but gdddd i'm so glad i did. it took a bit for me to get into, but by the time it ended i had to just sit for a moment. it's breathtaking, honestly. i don't know what it is - maybe it's the timelessness? the way everything weaves in and out of each other constantly, like it's all happening at the same time. i don't know. it's so gorgeous, though.

23. Viola di mare (2009), dir. Donatella Maiorca. ah, sicilia, amore mio <3 anyway what the fuck. i think that's my main impression for the moment. gd. supposedly based of a real story, i really do think it's told well for the most part. i mean, gd, it would have been so easy to focus on all the surrounding, but the love really is palpable i gotta be honest. making me sigh and swoon over here... if more people were like angela, like first of all that would rule, but also lesbian movies would be sooo short. she's damn persistent lmao love her <3 definitely worth watching, but like do not read up on a single thing beforehand.

24. The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (1995), dir. Maria Maggenti. "Is this another one?" sometimes you really just do wanna watch two girls having fun. american high schools in media always throws me a bit because i genuinely can't tell how much is artistic exaggeration and how much is just you guys living like that. seems sick. if i still went to the hairdresser i'd show her a picture of randy in this. not getting over vicky's husband getting physical with a literal seventeen year old lmaoo go home dude! it's all very cute, genuinely. by my count this brings the jopling counter up to three. bonus for the bratmobile.

25. I've Heard the Mermaids Singing (1987), dir. Patricia Rozema. i'm really glad this is the one i'm the ending this on. gddddddddd i loved this so much. to quote polly herself: it's so... nice! oh, polly... <3 seeing a quirky weird girl represented so well is like seeing a shooting star.

all in all: this has been... really fun, actually. i don't know that i was counting on that. i did not in fact get bored and stop. i'm willing to concede that the amount of actually, genuinely good lesbian movies might in fact be a positive integer after all. definitely a much more fun way to spend pride month than engaging in nonsensical discourse. happy july! <3

[findroleplay]

Heyo! I usually do BTS roleplays but since I'm getting desperate for roleplays atm (my discord is getting so dry lmao), I'm willing to do a fandomless rp instead! Plus, I haven't done one in a while and I think it'll be fun!

I am seeking for a mxm roleplay in 3rd person point of view. I don't care if it's in present tense or past tense since I do both on my end. My writers usually consist of a couple (2-3) paragraphs but depending on the scene and my mood they can get pretty lengthy. While I do love, love, love longer replies on my partners end, that isn't a requirement. All I want is effort. Effort on your end can and will effect my writing skill. Therefore, when I receive a low-effort reply, that's what you'll be getting back.

Please be somewhat active as I lose interest the more I wait, no matter how good the plot is. However, I'm fairly patient and if something comes up just tell me and I'll be understanding! I also know that there is a life outside of rp and it can get pretty busy at times. All I'm asking is to get a heads-up when you won't be active and I'll do the same. 🤞

_______________________________________________

I think that's everything I needed to go over so now we can get to the fun stuff!

I do pretty much every plot out there and will be down for trying anything new I haven't done! I love doing fluff, angst/drama (especially this), slice of life, and fantasy. I don't usually include smut into my rps but if it's a must for you, I wont mind.

I actually already have a plot in mind I've been craving to do. It's based off a story I'm currently reading and I'm loving it so much that I need to recreate it! It is based off a high-school roleplay which means the characters are intended to be under 18, but if you're uncomfortable with that just lmk and we can figure something out like having it as a college setting instead :) anyway I'll shut up nowbfjdjdjdjdj

Muse A is the male lead actor in this year's Fall theatre production. This is his senior year and is still unsure of what to do after High school. For now, he just focuses on his present, the future will come tomorrow, and tomorrow will come... well... tomorrow. Muse B is the school's quarterback. After transferring to Muse A's school, he quickly climbed the social ladder. Even though Muse B is high up in the food chain, he still keeps to himself and out of trouble. That is until trouble finds him. In a turn of events, Muse A gets dared by his arch nemesis to make Muse B fall in love with him and break his heart in order to be crowned as the best male actor in the group. Muse B is reluctant about Muse A at first, but he can improvise, and slowly gets Muse B to open up. Will Muse A be successful in completing his dare or will he begin to start catching real feelings for Muse B? Will Muse B find out that it was only a dare? Let's find out!!

And that's it! Thanks for reading my long ass post (if you're still here lol) and like this post and I'll reach out to you OR contact me at @angelicsunsets and I'll respond ASAP! ❤️

_

[wonwoosthetic]

Okay so we all know that mingyu is utterly and unhelplessly whipped for Minnie. I need to know in what ways does it show ASAP. I need to feed myself some minmin moments 😭🥺

Mingyu being whipped? Some minmin moments? Say no more🤭

mingyu being a whipped puppy for minnie

series masterlist

word count - 3.3k

A/N: more to come! :) also: this was less asap than I wanted it to be, I’m sorry!! I still hope you enjoy it <3

her bittersweet vlog

"So," Minnie clapped her hands after she had put the camera down on the kitchen counter and pressed the record button. "Since this is supposed to be like a daily vlog for you, Carats, but I don't leave the house very often unless I really have to... I'm going to show you how I entertain myself here," she ended her opening speech of this scene with a smile.

In front of her, she had a book with some of the recipes she had written down, which she decided to pick up and show the camera.

"I'm going to be making this lemon cake today. I haven't done it yet, so I hope it's good," she put the book down, only to raise it again as she forgot to mention something important, "Oh, and Mingyu drew these, by the way. I can't draw that well," Minnie chuckled at her statement, "Sadly."

[why do I find this so adorable, jesus christ]

She got to work, gathering all of the ingredients, placing the camera in different places to get good shots and hoped the video to have the aesthetic she so desperately wanted to achieve.

With her hands in the batter, just like the recipe had told her to, she wasn't able to reach forward to pick up the camera again, so she called out for help,

"Mingyu!" Knowing that he was home, while Wonwoo had a photoshoot.

The female performer got a "Huh?" in return.

"Could you come here for a second? I need your help!" She brushed a hair that fell into her face away with her arm, trying to keep her dirty hands as far away from her as possible.

As soon as Mingyu had reached the kitchen, he stopped to look at what was happening on the counter, "What are you making?"

"Lemon cake," she simply answered with a smile before pointing to the small device in front of her, "Could you pick up the camera real quick and change the angle or like film from up here," showing him exactly what she meant. And she didn't need to say anything more. 

[Videographer Kim Mingyu At Your Service]

He did as asked and started filming her hands for a bit before putting the camera down again, changing its position just like Minnie wanted him to. With this angle, both of them could be seen much better.

"It already smells really good," he complimented his fellow '97 Liner while supporting his body weight with a hand against the counter.

Minnie nodded, the corners of her lips curled into a proud grin, "I bought some new lemon extract. I think that's much better than the older one. But I also have never used this recipe before, so maybe that's just better. I hope it's good."

"Don't worry, everything you make tastes good," he smirked at her, his eyes going down to her lips, watching her bite down to hide a smile that was daring to show.

[DID YOU SEE THAT LOOK?!]

The clip gets repeated

[one more time]

And again. This time: zoomed in

[let's do it again bc i don't think y'all are seeing this]

One last time, now also focused on Mingyu's tongue that ran across his lips once his eyes met her mouth.

[i have no words]

Minnie shook her head, tilting it back slightly to somehow get the hair that had, once again, fallen over her shoulders, back to lay on her back. Mingyu noticed her movements and was quick to leave the room, only to come back a few seconds later, now with one of the girl's scrunchies in his hand.

"What-" she turned around as he moved to stand behind her, wondering what he was going to do, but stopped when she started to feel his fingers running through her hair, gathering it all up high on her head. He knew how to make a good ponytail and was determined to not disappoint, especially now that he knew she was filming.

[HE HAS TO HAVE DONE THIS BEFORE, you cannot change my mind]

[this man has tied a ponytail before and my god, i'm on my knees]

Mingyu was quicker than expected and rushed next to her, grabbing onto her shoulders to turn her towards him. She smiled up at the rapper once their eyes met, but his were focused on the new hairstyle he had given the female member.

"Do I look pretty?" She jokingly wondered with a chuckle, not expecting him to answer, but he took the question seriously and nodded with a smile,

"Very pretty."

[NO MINGYU]

[she was joking, dude why so serious?!?]

"Thank youuuu," she sang before directing her attention back to the batter and what she was supposed to do with it next as her hands were still in the bowl. 

[i need someone like him]

Mingyu didn't even care to move, continuing to stand next to her, asking her how he could help.

[i'm not even joking anymore. i need him.]

[i don't know how i'll be able to just live my life without him doing this to me]

bittersweet mv behind the scenes

Minnie had to film some scenes during the shoot on her own, as only she was supposed to be in them. And even though it may only have been her in front of the camera, there were enough fans behind the camera, one getting caught by the cameraman that was filming the behind-the-scenes video for their youtube channel.

The camera was suddenly on Mingyu, making him jump, "Oh- you scared me," he chuckled nervously

[caught red handed mister]

"I didn't expect you to film me. You should focus on Minnie," he pushed the lens away from him and towards the girl, who was a few feet away from them. 

[broooooooo]

But the cameraman had a different idea and just decided to film the rapper again.

"Why me?" He laughed again, "I'm not as pretty as Minnie." Then stopped for a few seconds before continuing, "That's why she gets her so many solo shots. She's the pretty one out of all of us."

[yk, i should be laughing at how whipped he is, but i wouldn't be any better if i was this close to minnie]

[props to him and wonwoo, i couldn't be friends with that goddess of a woman let alone live in the same dorm as her]

"Who is the prettiest out of all of us?" Wonwoo suddenly showed up in the frame.

[of course, as soon as she gets mentioned, boyfriend #2 is here too]

"Minnie," Mingyu simply stated as if it was the easiest question for him to answer.

The '96 Liner agreed, "Ah, of course." And the two nodded together.

TTT 2021 OMG

After finishing their short meeting at the café, the group made their way back outside, where a bus was already waiting for them. Everyone had their backpack or duffle bag with them. Everyone but one person. Minnie exited the café without anything on her shoulders or hands, but in front of her was Mingyu, carrying two bags at once.

[as if she wasn't strong enough to carry her own bag... wow mingyu...]

[is he THAT down bad? apparently]

-

"Minnie!" The familiar voice of the '97 Liner rapper came from the house, gaining the girl's attention, who had just been looking at the karaoke machine with Seungkwan.

"Yeah?" She answered him, her voice also loud enough for him to hear.

He poked his head outside, making the two younger ones turn towards him, "Are you hungry? Should I make something to eat?"

[this. this is all i'm asking for. is that too much]

Before she could answer, the '98 Liner beat her to it, "Yeah, I'm not hungry, thank you for asking." His salty comment made the girl laugh and hit his upper arm as she stumbled a few steps back before calming down again.

"I didn't ask you," Mingyu snapped back, "I asked her," nodding towards the female member.

"And what if she isn't hungry but I was?" Seungkwan continued picking at him, but the '97 Liner only shrugged,

"If she's hungry, then I'll make something and you can also have some of it. If not, then not."

[are you seeing how perfect he is?]

[minnie really has this man on her knees, but then again, same mingyu]

"Wow..." the younger one nodded slowly, "So that's how important I am to you."

"Exactly," the rapper simply stated, ignoring all emotions in this conversation, "So, Minnie? Hungry?"

"Ehm...," she turned to look at Seungkwan for a second, grinning at the now sulky singer before giving Mingyu her attention again, "Sure, I could eat something," to which he nodded, quickly disappearing inside the house again. "Do you need help?" She shouted, hoping he'd still hear her, getting a,

"No, don't worry!" In return.

Minnie took the remote for the machine into her hands, ready to turn it on, when Seungkwan interrupted her, "That guy does literally everything for you, doesn't he?" Making her laugh again.

"What do you mean?" Not looking him in the eyes as hers were fixed on the screen ahead of her, "He just wanted to annoy you. He would've made cooked something either way."

But the younger member just nodded, not believing a word she said, "Sure...," looking at the camera with raised eyebrows, sending it a look that clearly said 'i know something you don't'.

[YES SEUNGKWAN!]

[he knows, i swear to god, he KNOWS]

[spill the tea bestie]

their pictures on HIS ig profile

that weird stock gose episode

[this is one of my favourite moments of all time, I do not understand the game for the life of me, but the interactions we got were GOLDEN]

Minnie giggled as she continued moving from left to right quickly, trying to find a way to get past Wonwoo AND Mingyu, who were standing right in front of her, ready to catch her if she tried to run off.

"This is so unfair! Can I at least get a head start?" She whined out loud, suddenly stopping to catch her breath again.

"No," Mingyu chuckled at the struggling dancer, clearly amused by the scene.

She crossed her arms, slowly taking a few steps back, "Well, how the hell am I supposed to run from you if you don't even let me?"

"We're supposed to catch you anyways," Wonwoo answered her, making her stop and pout at him.

"Pleeeaaase," she tried to win them over with her puppy eyes, which would usually get her most of what she wanted, but for some reason, these guys were really serious about this game. "Just one head start, and then you can try to catch me all you want." But the duo just shook their heads at her, making her sigh. She thought for another few seconds, trying to think of a way to get out of there,

"Haohao!" She suddenly shouted, making both of the men turn around. Minnie took exactly that moment to run in the other direction, finally having managed to distract the duo.

"She tricked us!" Mingyu shouted and started running after her immediately. His fast footsteps behind her made the girl giggle, while the nerves inside of her took over her body - running was not one of her biggest strengths. 

Within only a few seconds, the two rappers had caught up with her, each one of them taking one of her arms into their grip.

[the things i would do to be in a minwon sandwich.]

[scratch that. i want to be in a mimiwon burger]

Wonwoo and Mingyu started laughing, but at the same moment, someone passed them, gaining their attention once they noticed it was S.Coups.

"Help me!" Minnie whined out loud, trying to get out of the grip, even though she knew it wouldn't get her very far.

"I'm going after him," Wonwoo announced before leaving the two '97 Liners to themselves. The girl tried, once again, to get Mingyu's hand off her, now that her other arm was free, but his multiple hours and days at the gym had paid off too well.

"It's cute," he chuckled as he directed her towards the stairs to take her one floor up, 

[please call me cute too]

[tell me what to do so mingyu will call me that too]

"but don't even try, you know you can't run that fast."

His comment made Minnie slap his chest, chuckling at the comment since she knew he was right.

"Let a girl dream," she told him, following him upstairs until they reached the chairs, where Dino was already waiting.

-

After reviewing the first round, the other team was about to get released again, so Minnie got ready to chase them again, but she was stopped by the soft touch of a hand on her shoulder. She turned to the side, finding Mingyu focused on her head. Without commenting, he reached up to fix some of the strands of her hair that had gotten dishevelled from all of the running. She smiled up at him.

"Thank you." Getting a squeeze of her cheeks and a grin in return.

[NO. This is actually getting too much]

[I WANT TO GET SQUEEZED LIKE THAT]

[at this point, I'm convinced that not only he's whipped, but she's too] 

the way he looks at her <;/3

minnie and driving

"Who's the best and who's the worst driver?" Joshua read one of the questions for their interview out loud. While some of the members started thinking about their answers, Hoshi was quick to respond,

"Best Mingyu, worst Minnie." The girl immediately turned towards him, shock written across her face,

"Excuse me?! Why am I the worst driver?" She was still trying to wrap her head around what the performance team leader had just said, whereas the rapper had already started celebrating in his chair.

A nervous chuckle left Soonyoung's lips, "You never drive."

"That's true," Seungkwan added himself into the conversation, throwing the girl into another second of disbelief.

"Because Mingyu doesn't let me!" Her frustration made the rest of the group erupt in laughter. Jeonghan was the first to catch himself again, turning to her,

"What do you mean he doesn't let you drive?"

"I do! She's lying," Mingyu suddenly defended himself, only to get sent a death glare from the girl.

"No, you don't. You're lying!" She pointed at him angrily, her eyebrows scrunched as Vernon ran his fingers across them, reminding her of her wrinkles - a joke he had kept up ever since she found the first wrinkle on her forehead.

"I do let her drive," Mingyu ignored her outburst, turning towards the camera with a smile.

"No, he doesn't," she copied his actions, "Every single time I want to drive somewhere, he literally goes 'oh no, don't worry, I'll drive you'."

"Because I'm such a nice friend," he grinned at her, but Minnie only scoffed.

[he's so annoying, but in such a loving way, ugh, i hate it]

"Mh..."

"But why do you actually not let her drive?" DK suddenly wondered, making the others nod in agreement as it had turned into quite an interesting subject.

Mingyu took a deep breath,

[jesus, he's preparing an entire speech for this]

"I do," he repeated, fixing the fit of the jacket he was wearing, "I just think it's safer for her and everyone else on the street if I drive her."

[MINGYU]

While all of the guys erupted in a loud "aww", Minnie looked at him in disbelief,

"You just called me a bad driver," she stated, to which he nodded, an awkward grin still on his lips. 

[THEY'RE BICKERING LIKE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE, WHAT IS THIS]

"Then how am I supposed to ever get better if you don't let me practice?" She decided to pick at him some more, but there was not much she could do.

Mingyu smiled at her, "It's okay. I'll drive you forever."

[personal chauffeur?! sign. me. UP.]

mingyu vlive 220113

"Minnie!" Mingyu shouted with the same smile still on his lips after reading her comment.

A faint "What?!" could be heard from the other room.

"Come here!" His voice was still echoing loudly through the entire flat.

"Why?" Minnie wondered, not wanting to move from her position on her bed.

Mingyu rolled his eyes in front of the camera, before shouting again, "Just come here for a second!" He smirked into the camera as soon as he heard the soft footsteps approaching the living room, where he had been sitting on the floor for the entire duration of the Vlive.

"What?" Minnie's voice could still only be heard in the background. He ushered her to come closer.

[THE SPARK IN HIS EYES]

[DON'T TELL YOU DO NOT SEE THAT]

Only his eyes were seen on the entire screen, concentrating on the small light reflecting in his eyes as well as focusing on the loving facial expression the rapper held.

Suddenly he chuckled, "Why not?" Answering her, assuming Minnie had shaken her head.

"I'm not wearing any make-up," she tried to whisper, but the microphone of Mingyu's camera still caught it, and the fans were quick to spam the comments, which the '97 Liner noticed.

"They don't care," he told her, "Carats want to see you."

"I don't look good right now," she just responded again, to which he was quick to shut her up,

"No, stop. You still look beautiful."

[MINGYU]

[MINGYU, STOP IT]

Minnie chuckled as she scolded him, "Don't say that on a live stream!"

"Why not?" He wondered, his eyebrows shooting up in shock, scared that he had just said something he shouldn't have.

[Pls, he's so worried :(]

Before she was able to answer, he directed his question to Carats again, "Minnie always looks pretty, right guys?" Making her chuckle and turn around, only to be stopped by his voice again.

[BRO, WE GET IT, YOU'RE WHIPPED]

 "Wait! See! They all say how pretty you are. Come on," ushering her to come closer once again.

[He's so desperate, it's actually so cute haha]

"Mingyu," she whined, but it only made him chuckle, watching her pout in front of him. They shared a moment of just looking at each other before the female performer gave in with a sigh, taking small steps towards him, making him move to the side a bit, expecting her to take a seat next to him, but she stopped and only lowered her head to finally be in the frame.

"Hi guys," she waved into the camera, and only a second later, the comment section exploded.

[why is she so shy, she's literally so beautiful, I can't with her]

"See," Mingyu pointed towards the comments, to which she sat down on the couch and leaned forward to be able to read them better, smiling at each and every single word their fans had written.

"Thank youuu," she smiled shyly, still covering her mouth behind the sleeve of the hoodie she was wearing.

[Side note, but I had to add it: THAT'S WONWOO'S ESSENTIALS HOODIE]

"Happy?" Minnie provocatively wondered, looking straight at him, whereas he just continued gazing at her with the bright grin on his lips, nodding his head,

"Very."

The girl shook her head, "Unbelievable," and muttered under her breath before directing her attention back to the phone, "Carats, good luck with him, he's weird today."

"Just because I called you pretty?" He wanted to know, his eyes not leaving her form as she stood back up to make her way into her room again.

"You're weird," she just repeated, leaving him with a chuckle by himself again.

"Carats, don't worry, I always tell her she's beautiful," he just casually commented, not realising that this would be the beginning of a flood of fan comments, screaming and typing all sorts of things.

[i actually punched my keyboard when i first watched and when i rewatched this]

[this man is uneblivable]

Taglist: @shrynkk @chaebb @lunarxsun @hoe4wonwoo @kimhyejin3108 @soobzao @billboard-singer @cosmicwintr @zwiehe

[jerzwriter]

Delaying the Inevitable - Chapter 34 - When Forever Falls Apart

Book: Open Heart 3 (Post Series)

Pairing: Tobias Carrick x MC, Ethan Ramsey x MC

Rating: Chapter: Mature Warnings: Serious injury/possible death of a major character, accident, mentions of blood/injuries, cursing, and some heartbreak for good measure.

Summary: Extended Series WIP – Love Triangle. In this chapter – Casey’s relief turns to anguish after a tragic accident; fear and confusion grip several characters as they sit vigil; Tobias and Casey are forced to face difficult issues, and someone unexpected appears.

Category: Extended Series (WIP)

A/N: I apologize. You’ll be OK. I’ll be OK. They'll be OK. We'll be OK. There are some special moments in here, but most require tissues. For those who have read 33 (now 34) chapters, I love you. I mean it. Now that I’ve blubbered…. Yes, the Chapter title is When Forever Falls Apart, but the song inspiration’s name is Till Forever Falls Apart by Ashe and Finneas. It’s one of my favorite songs from recent years, but, y’all know what Finneas did to you in Chapter 13.

A/N 2: I’m submitting this to @choicesmonthlychallenge , Day 23, healing. Because, while it may not feel like it in this chapter, I assure you, this is the impetus for a lot of soul searching and healing that will lead us to the conclusion of this series, so, it feels appropriate.

A/N 3: I feel like I have so much more I want to say, but honestly, I’m a little drained. I am going to take a few days off to recharge, I really want to tie this up well, so I’ll have the next chapter to you ASAP, but no date promised. Oh, and regarding the last chapter. Clearly, it's impossible to make every reader happy, but I assure you, I'm staying true to the story, true to the characters and, as from day one, this is CASEY'S story and I will be true to her. It's taken a whole lot to put out this series, and, it's been well worth it all I ask is if you're not happy, at least be kind. Happy (??) Reading.

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS

“Casey! Wait!”

Maureen had also overheard the nurses and did not want Casey to be alone. But there was no catching up to her. She was propelled by a fuel that could only be produced by two things: love and fear. And right now, both were coursing through her veins.

When asked in the future, she would not recall these moments; the mind has a way of shielding us from the memories that hurt us most. She wouldn’t remember her heart racing so quickly that its sound echoed in her pounding head. Nor the cold sweat that soaked her body as she descended the stairs, each flight taking only seconds but feeling like an eternity. She would have no memory of how she no longer felt her legs beneath her, but mercifully, they managed to get her where she needed to go. Her memory protected her from that, but sadly, not from all that would follow.

“He’s OK. He’s OK. He’s going to be OK. He’s OK.”

The words were a mantra, repeated over and over to ease her mind enough to carry her through.

She flung the door to the emergency room open, and it bounced off the wall with a resounding crash, but no one turned to see. After four years at Edenbrook, she was a veteran of the noise and chaos that greeted her. They were common after major events, and major events were commonplace in Boston, so this was as familiar as an old friend. But today was different. Trying to control her breath, she scanned the sea of empty faces, desperate to find anyone who might have answers, when she spotted Raf at the end of the hall. His head darted up when he heard her screaming his name.

“Raf! RAF!!!” She pushed her way through the crowd.

“Tell me! Tell me? Is it him?”

Realizing that she was teetering on hysteria, he tried to calm her down to no avail.

“TELL ME!” She snapped. “Is it Tobias?” If you want me to calm down, answer me! I need to know!”

“No, Tobias is fine. He happened upon the scene and got out to help, but he’s totally fine.”

A shuddering breath escaped her as a wave of relief enveloped her like a warm blanket. A tentative smile came to her lips and her legs, which served her well, were given permission to relax as she slid back on the wall behind her.

“Oh, thank God,” she breathed as she grabbed Raf’s hand. “Thank God!”

With her mind at ease, the doctor in her reawakened and began to take control. There were people who needed her; she stood up and dusted herself off.

“OK.” She smiled nervously. “I better get myself together and go. My help is certainly….” Then the realization hit her and the blood drained from her face. She turned back to Raf with worry in her eyes. “Wait! They said… they said that you said it was a doctor on my team…. Raf…”

“It’s Ethan.”

“Where is he?”

“Casey, you shouldn’t go to he’s in bad shape….”

“WHERE IS HE!?”

“He ended up in the ambulance behind me. So he should be here any…. Casey! Wait!”

Any attempt to reach her was futile; she was already racing toward the ambulance bay, where she grabbed the first orderly she saw.

“Where is he? Where is Dr. Ram….”

“Where is doctor who?”

Unable to gather her thoughts, she sputtered, “He’s a patient, a doctor, he’s, he’s…ugh… never mind, I’ll find him!”

“Casey!” Raf’s loud voice called after her. “It’s probably best for you to stay away and just let the doctors do….”

“Like hell, Raf!” She yelled as she pulled her arm out of his tender grip. “I don’t care how bad it is! You’re not keeping me away from him!”

She relaxed a little when she saw a new patient arrive. He had dark hair peeking out from under a blanket a nurse had wrapped him in. The yellow tag on his wheelchair almost caused her to breathe a sigh of relief, but then she saw it wasn’t him. The world was moving in slow motion as patient after patient passed by, but Ethan was nowhere to be found. She raced toward the nurse’s station in hopes of finding his name on the roster when a paramedic’s voice bellowed from behind.

“Coming through! Coming through!” He raced down the hall with a gurney in tow as two surgeons flocked to his side. That could only mean one thing the patient was critical. The paramedics had called ahead, and the surgeons waited as there was not a moment to spare. A red tag. She could not get so much as a glimpse of the patient with the scores of people surrounding them. Yet, she immediately knew.

“Ethan…”

_____

A small crowd of people congregated near the security booth outside the emergency room entrance. They all jumped off their feet when Tobias’s car came to a screeching halt next to them. The scowling guard, surrounded by the scent of burnt rubber, barked in his direction.

“Hey, buddy, that’s not a parking spot!”

Tobias flashed his ID and tossed his keys into the booth as he ran by.

“I’m a doctor,” he yelled, “and I’m not your buddy!”

Running inside, he slammed directly into an exiting Raf.

“Raf!! Where’d they bring Ethan!?”

“He’s headed in to surgery. I don’t know what room… Casey is….”

“I’ll find him, thanks!”

Tobias darted away. Brusquely elbowing through the crowd until he arrived at the nurse’s station.

“This place is a madhouse!” he yelled. “How many were injured?”

“From the multicar? At least ten. Then we have a crane accident downtown, and our regular crowd so….”

“So basically, we’re in hell. I’m looking for… my friend… Dr….”

The nurse cut him off with a sympathetic smile.

“Dr. Ramsey, I know. He was just brought in. His OR room has not been assigned. We are just overflowing….”

“I’ll find him….” he said with a huff.

_____

It took less than a second for her to reach Ethan’s side. Her determination to remain calm diminishing as he came into sight. His skin was almost devoid of color. Doctors were already working on gaping would in his abdomen, and Casey was stricken by the amount of blood soaking their hands. They were valiantly fighting to keep him alive as they rushed down the hallway where no operating room awaited. She inserted herself into the team surrounding him and called out his name. A nurse slapped away her hand when she instinctively reached for his.

“Doctor, I know you’re close with him, but you know the protocol! Stand back, let us do our job!”

Casey paid her no mind as she continued to run along with the team. Dazed, her medical skills were rendered useless, as the severity of his condition had yet to sink in. But as bits of his medical team’s conversations began to swirl around her head, it became clear.

We have to stop this bleeding! … Doctor, did you see this? … damn it!… do we know how this injury occurred?... it’s his spleen… I need a goddamn OR!... massive bleeding… we don’t have time… if he’s going to make it…

And that is when all went still. Casey looked at him, truly looked at him for the first time since she had run to his side and a cold chill ran down her spine.

If he’s going to make it.

If?

It shouldn’t have come as a shock. This was her job. She could see his injuries. She treated many just like this. She should have known… but she wasn’t a doctor right now. She was just Casey, shocked and terrified, as she watched the man who changed her life in so many ways struggling to survive before her.

Sometimes the mind protects, and at others, it tortures, and right now, its cruelty prevailed as she heard the words she recently hurled at him repeat in her head.

From this moment on, I am NOTHING to you. Do you understand?

I will be polite when I have to be, but you are not my friend. If it were up to me, I’d never lay eyes on you again.

My eyes are on the future, and I refuse to let them turn back to the past. I thought you knew that, and that’s what enabled us to become friends again. But you took that away… now, we have nothing.

A loud sob heaved from her chest, and her body began to tremble. He had to make it through for a million reasons, not the least of which was, after all, they had been through together, this couldn’t be how their story ended. A nurse's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

“Dr. Tanaka, his pressure is dropping….”

“GODDAMN It! Get me a room NOW!”

Casey looked up in horror. She knew precisely what it meant when a doctor normally as composed as Tanka began to unravel. White-hot fury welled up inside her as it became impossible to push reality away.

This isn’t fair!

Memories instantly flooded her mind as she alternately pleaded with a cursed a god she did not even know if she believed in.

You have to let him live! Please, let him live! He doesn’t deserve this! He was healing, and he should get the chance to live the life he always wanted. He deserves happiness! He deserves to be loved. How could you let this happen!

But as a doctor, she had a front-row seat to how cruel and unfair life could be. That’s when it dawned on her. These very well could be his final moments. She had to push everything else aside. All that mattered now was encouraging him and making sure, even under these dreadful circumstances, if these were going to be his last moments on earth, she had to make them the best they could possibly be.

She reached for his hand and gripped it tightly in her own. Doctors and nurses be damned, she was undeterred, and no one was going to pull her away.

“Ethan! Ethan! Baby, can you hear me?”

Dr. Tanaka let out a sigh. “Someone, please get her away!!”

“Doctor,” a nurse said forcefully, “let her be.”

With her heart ripping in two, she tried desperately to reach him, seeking the words that would encourage him to fight but letting him know that he was cherished if he could not win that battle in the end.

“Ethan, it’s Casey. I know you can hear me, and I need you to listen to me, for once, please? I need you to fight. Fight like you never have before. There will be no dying today, do you understand me? None! Your time here is not done!!” she sobbed. “It’s not! So many people still need you. I still need you. I need you to fight like hell because I can’t lose you again! Do you hear me? Don’t you dare die on me!”

A warm hand came to rest on her shoulder.

“Casey, you need to come with me.”

Without turning to see who it was, she angrily shrugged it away.

“Just a second!” she snapped furiously.

Her eyes widened, and her heart momentarily filled with hope when she looked down to find him struggling to open his eyes. He attempted to speak, but the sounds escaping him did not resemble words.

“No,” she whispered as she rubbed his hand. “Don’t speak. Save your strength.”

“Cas…” he gasped.

As much as she longed to hear his name on her lips one more time, she admonished him to stop.

“NO! Don’t talk!” She cried. “Listen to me! You need to know how much I love you. I love you so very much. I’m so sorry for the things I’ve said… because… I love you too, Ethan. Oh, I never stopped loving you. I always have, and I always will. Just… please, don’t leave me.”

A sorrowful wail escaped her as she pleaded with him to survive. All the pent-up emotions that she was forced to shelve since that cold October night began pouring out of the confines of her heart where she had been certain she had them safely buried. It wouldn’t be the first time he said goodbye, but it could be the last. And she was now acutely aware that while love can begin in an instant, it never dissipates as quickly. In fact, it never leaves at all.

“Don’t leave me,” she whispered. “Not again. Please.”

“Three is ready! Bring him into OR3!!!” someone yelled.

Bryce slid up behind Casey and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Casey, hon, you have to come now. OK, you have to let go.”

At that second, Ethan’s eyes shot open and locked on hers. Unspoken words filled the spaces between them, and he knew. He was completely loved, and Casey could feel that he knew. And with that grace bestowed on them, she found the strength she needed to let go. Remaining in Bryce’s arms as she watched him wheeled away, her eyes refusing to fall until he disappeared behind the operating room doors.

_____

Tobias hadn’t run so quickly since his track days back in college. But it’s amazing what a body can do when someone you love has their life is on the line. He wasn’t sure where he was heading, but he knew he’d be led in the right direction in time. That direction came in the form of Dr. Ines Delarosa.

“T!” She yelled from across the way. “Ramsey’s down the hall! They’re setting up an OR. I don’t know if you’ll make it on time….”

“I’m on my way. Have you seen Casey?”

“I think she’s with him.”

He let out a relieved breath. He was grateful they were together until he could reach them.

“Good! Thanks, Nez,” he yelled as he sprinted away.

He needed to see Ethan for himself. He knew he was in the care of some of the best doctors the country had to offer already, but maybe… just maybe, he could do something. Anything. Then perhaps he wouldn’t feel so goddamned helpless.

He could hear Casey’s voice as he approached the end of the hall. He knew her so well, so before he could make out any of her words, he could hear the tone of her voice, and he knew she was in distress. That couldn’t be good. He doubled down. He needed to be there for Ethan, for Casey, and for himself.

He was about to turn the corner when a patient was rushed by him, temporarily blocking him in place, and his patience was running thin. Two of the people he loved most in the world needed him, and though irrational, he was furious at the patient was impeding him. When the obstacle was finally removed, he turned in their direction, clearly hearing Casey’s voice as he approached.

You need to know how much I love you. I love you so very much. I’m so sorry for the things I’ve said… because… I love you too, Ethan. Oh, I never stopped loving you. I always have, and I always will. Just… please, don’t leave me.

He wasn’t sure he heard right. And if he had, did it matter? Ethan could be dying, and, of course, Casey cared about him. So why couldn’t he breathe?

“Don’t leave me,” she whispered. “Not again. Please.”

“Three is ready! Bring him into OR3!!!”

“Casey, come on now. You have to let go.”

He watched undetected as Casey collapsed into Bryce’s arms and Ethan disappeared from view. Bryce stroked the back of her hair, her face buried in his shoulder.

“I have to go, Casey. Are you going to be all right?”

“He can’t… he can’t die, Bryce. I can’t lose him again.”

“You know we’re going to do everything we can to prevent that from happening.”

“Yes,” she nodded tearfully, “Go. Go!!”

And with a kiss to her cheek, he was gone.

Tobias’s thoughts overwhelmed him. His best friend was fighting for his life. The woman they both loved more than life itself professed her love to Ethan, but he thought she belonged to him. Fear is a funny thing, and while being a doctor had prepared him for so much, it didn’t prepare him for the possibility of losing the two people he loved most in this world on the same day, in very different ways. He was rendered immobile as a battle played out in his mind.

Ethan may be dying… you’re being ridiculous… she comforted him… it doesn’t mean… you know she loves you… but what if?... does she really?... did she ever?... was she going to leave?... is that why she was so angry?... Oh, my God, was I just… nothing…

He used to think it was hyperbole when people said it felt like their world was crashing down around them, but now, he understood. His best friend was fighting for his life with so much left unsaid between them. And in an instant, he was forced to question what he had believed in his heart to be gospel… that the only woman he ever loved returned that love to him, and because of that, he was blessed beyond words. But as the pieces of the life he knew just moments ago came crumbling down, he had to face his biggest fear. What if she didn't? What if she never did? But he knew that she did, but perhaps she still loved Ethan and, in time, would she pick him? Or would she choose the man who always finished just one step ahead of him? That’s if Ethan even made it at all.

Ethan was on his way to surgery, and there was nothing he could do for him. But Casey was just down the hall, alone and scared. Maybe he was unsure of what she felt for him, but he knew what he felt for her. As much as he wanted to flee, he couldn't allow her to be alone. But then…

“Case!” a voice called out from the other direction, and then Jackie was at her side.

Casey fell into her friend's embrace, and the tears she had been bravely trying to conceal gave up their fight.

“He can’t die, Jackie. He can’t leave.”

Aurora ran from the other side, and the three friends dissolved into a huddle.

“Come on,” he heard Aroura say. “Let's get you a seat ….”

His heart ached in a million ways, but as he watched her friends lovingly tend to her, his mind felt more at ease. He watched in silence as he decided what to do next, never so unsure of himself before. Before long, he turned on his heel and began walking away, though he had no idea where he was going.

_____

An hour later, Casey paced in the waiting room, having refused several offers to wait in a private office. Fresh scrubs adorned her body; the bloodstained ones from before packed neatly into a sealed bag in her locker. It was against protocol, but she refused to let anyone take them away, and right now, no one was going to deny her. She couldn’t tell you why she wanted to keep them, but she did, and for now, that was all that mattered.

It was Sienna’s day off; she arrived to relieve Aurora and Jackie, who were needed on the floor. She placed a freshly brewed cup of coffee on the table in front of her friend and took a seat beside her.

“I just got a text from Naveen,” Casey said. “I told him we could have had one of Alan’s friends drive him up from Providence, but Naveen refused to give him the news by phone, so he drove down.”

“That sounds like Naveen,” Sienna smiled sadly as she rubbed comforting circles on her friend’s back. “Still no more word?”

“No, not since Harper told Aurora that we just need to be patient. I know she meant well, but we already knew that.”

“Is Harper operating?”

“On Ethan, no. But she is in surgery; every available surgeon is operating on someone right now. Ethan is with Dr. Tanaka, and Bryce is assisting.”

“So he’s in good hands. And you were fantastic Case, getting Naveen, making sure Alan was cared for… Ethan’s lucky he has you.”

“Yeah, well…” she sighed, “it’s the least I can do.”

“Is there anyone else we should notify?” Sienna asked. The two women’s eyes met, a silent understanding between them.

“No,” Casey answered immediately.

“Elijah called,” Sienna said, wringing her hands. “He said to remind you that New Haven is just two hours away, and if you need him….”

“I know.” Casey smiled, “I’m lucky to have all of you.”

The two friend’s heads turned at the sound of feet rushing into the room. They looked up to find another young woman standing before them, winded and dazed, and Casey jumped up to greet her.

“Sonia!” She said, rushing to her side, “Oh my God. I’m so sorry, I didn’t think to….”

“It’s OK,” Sonia replied as she tried to catch her breath, “you wouldn’t have even known where to reach me.”

“How did you find out?” Casey asked while leading her to take a seat next to her.

“Well, we had a date,” she said before her eyes bulged open, “I mean, not a ‘date date’… just a….”

“Just a date,” Casey smiled warmly as Sonia graciously accepted the water Sienna gave her.

“Well,” she sighed, “whatever it was. He told me he’d be a little late, but it became too late. He wasn’t answering his calls, and then I saw the news, and I called Kenmore and, well, of course, word had traveled and… that’s how I ended up here.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” Casey smiled as she took her hand. “I’m sure Ethan will be too.”

“Did you see him?”

“Mmm-hmm,” Casey nodded, biting her lip in an attempt to suppress tears. “I did.”

“And?”

“He was unconscious, and he sustained serious injuries, abdominal trauma, hemorrhaging….”

“Any organ damage?”

“They mentioned his spleen, beyond that….”

“Are they performing a splenectomy? Or is it repairable? Who is in with him?”

Casey smiled, “I forgot you were a surgical intern. From what we have been told, the goal is to repair, but there was a lot of damage, so we won’t don’t know yet. Tanaka is operating, and Lahela is assisting.”

“Good,” Sonia said with relief. How… how are you doing?”

“I’m good,” Casey lied. “I mean, and I’ll be good….” Her brows knitted, “… as long as he is.” Casey’s eyes grew wide as she looked down the hall, “Oh, Naveen and Alan are here….”

“I should go see them,” Casey and Sonia said in unison.

“Oh,” Casey demurred, “I didn’t know that you knew them all that….”

“Well, not that well, but yes, I’ve met both and… I… if you would prefer that I wait….”

“Sonia,” Casey said softly, “it’s OK. Let’s go see them together.”

Jackie slipped into the room just as Casey exited.

“Hey, how’s it going?” She asked Sienna.

“As well as it can be expected. Naveen and Alan just arrived.”

“And that’s the woman Ethan’s seeing?”

“Well, I don’t know what their relationship is. But, yeah, it’s the woman he brought to the party at the beach house, Sonia. She seems very nice.”

“OK. So I guess it is up to me to address the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room, but where is Carrick?”

Sienna frowned, “I don’t know.”

“Has Casey asked for him?”

“She hasn’t, but I’m not about to ask her.”

“Well, I’m texting him. Something’s not right.”

“OK, just keep it away from Casey now. I’m sure she realizes he is missing. Still, she’s not saying anything and, whatever the reason, I’m going to respect that.”

“One-hundred percent on board.”

______

His tumbler dropped to the wooden bar with a thud, but few could hear it over the sound of the Red Sox game on the TV. But the bartender noticed right away. He was in the business long enough to know when someone was not there for recreational drinking.

“What’ll it be, sir?”

“Give me another,” Tobias said, throwing several crumpled bills in front of him.

“That’s gonna make three in a short period of time. After this one, perhaps we switch you over to water for a bit?”

“I’m not driving, I have nowhere to go, and I’m a doctor. Why don’t you let me make that call.”

The bartender held his hands up in surrender as he placed another glass of Jameson in front of him.

“Have you ever felt like you have had the whole world taken away?” he asked.

“Me?” the bartender said, turning around.

“Yeah, well, I’m certainly not going to ask him for his opinion,” Tobias said, pointing toward a man seated at the end of the bar with his face painted in Red Sox colors.

“Yeah, well, no one wants a face painter's opinion,” the bartender laughed. Tossing his bar towel down, he extended his hand. “The name’s Chuck. I own this place. What’s yours? And what brings you here?”

“Tobias,” he said, shaking his hand. “I’m here because I’m avoiding my usual spot. I usually go to Donahue’s, no offense.”

Chuck nodded, “Reggie’s a great guy, none taken. So why are you slumming here today instead?”

“Because it’s not just Donahue’s I’m avoiding.”

“You’re a doctor,” he said, noticing his ID, which had fallen to the counter in his last attempt to get into his wallet. “Edenbrook? I assumed you’d be swamped over there with all the action in this town today?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled dryly. “Well, that’s the thing.”

“So, if you’re here for some barstool therapy, let me have it. You’re a doctor, not a bad-looking guy. You seem to have all limbs and a functioning brain, so what’s so awful that you feel it’s all falling apart?”

“My buddy…” he stammered. “My oldest… one of my best friends. He was in that accident today.”

“Holy shit! I’m sorry. Is he OK?”

“I don’t know,” Tobias shrugged, “he’s still in surgery, as far as I know.”

“Damn, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well, me too.” He lifted the tumbler to his lips and took a swig. Letting the pale gold liquid swirl around his tongue.

“But you’re a doctor at the hospital he’s being worked on, so what are you doing here?”

“Ah, well, that’s the twist,” Tobias said, lifting his glass. “Right before he was taken into surgery, his ex-girlfriend, who he is still madly in love with, professed her love to him.”

“Hmm. It’s a shame, you know. People always wait for something tragic to happen to speak about how they truly feel.” Chuck pursed his lips and shook his head. “There is a lesson in that, you know.”

“Yeah,” Tobias answered curtly, “and the lesson I learned is that it really sucks when that woman happens to be my girlfriend.”

He watched as Chuck’s eyebrows shot to the top of his head.

“Oh, Jesus! Sorry buddy,” he lifted the bottle and filled Tobias’s glass again. “This one is on the house. You deserve it.”

“What happened to I should switch to water?”

“Hey, when I’m wrong? I say I’m wrong. Now, this means you were dating your buddy’s ex, though?”

“Yeah,” Tobias shrugged. “What… don’t look at me like that. It was a complicated situation, it wasn’t that… neat, it wasn’t that… simple….”

“Yeah, life never is. You love her?”

“With everything I am.”

“Do you love him?”

“He’s my oldest friend… we….”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Yes.”

“So then why are you sitting here drinking yourself into oblivion and talking to me. You have two people who need you down that street. Based on what you’re telling me, you’re not sure if one will make it to tomorrow, and the other one, well, she’s probably as confused as hell and as scared as you are right now. I can’t tell you what’s in her heart, but I can tell you that when you’re faced with losing someone you love, no matter how you love them, or even if that love was in the past… It’s not easy to do. If I were you,” he said, pushing a glass of water toward Tobias. “I’d sober my ass up and get back to the hospital, where two people you love need you.”

Tobias let out a heaving sigh before staring up at him.

“You must think I’m an asshole.”

“No,” he smiled. “I think you’re human, just like they are. Now, go… but come back here some other time, for a happier occasion, OK? Reg is great, but he’s not the only game in town.”

“As long as I don’t have to leave a co-pay every time I come in.”

“HAH!” Chuck laughed, “this one is on the house. Now, go. Go where you’re needed.”

_____

“Hey,” Casey smiled softly as she joined Alan on a couch in the waiting area. “How are you holding up?”

“I’ll be holding up better when we get some news,” he said, tapping her knee lovingly. “The truth is, I’m scared.”

“I know. I am too.”

“You know, I’m not a doctor, but seeing the doctors so scared,” he laughed nervously, “it’s not making me feel any better.”

“Well, Alan, we’re not about to lie to you. He’s critical and, well, we are scared, and we always are when it’s someone we love.”

Alan leaned over and kissed Casey on the forehead.

“I’m so glad you’re here. I’m glad you were able to see him before he went in. If it couldn’t have been me, then…” he trailed off in an attempt to stop his tears from flowing again.

“He couldn’t talk,” she looked around the room to make sure their conversation was private, “but Alan, we had this moment, right before where his eyes opened. I don’t know how to explain it, but it was like he was looking into my soul, and I was looking at his. And, all I can say is, I knew he felt loved. Not just by me, but he knew he was loved and that… that just means….”

Alan handed her a tissue and held her close.

“I’m so happy to hear that, Casey,” he whispered. “With Ethan, sometimes you just never knew.”

“Oh,” Casey snorted, “you don’t have to tell me twice.”

“But in case he doesn’t…” he stopped, “well, I’m just glad that he knew. Because he is loved so much.”

“Hey! No talking like that. He is going to make it through this; I refuse to believe otherwise.”

Alan looked up and saw Sonia return to the room. He motioned for her to join them.

“Did the fresh air help?” he smiled.

“Well, not as much as I hoped, but I’ll take the little it offered.”

“I’m glad you’re back,” he replied. “Sienna just ran out to get some food for us, and I want to see you eat too.”

“Ah, ever the Dad, making sure we’re all fed, even during times of crisis,” Sonia teased.

“If it makes me feel useful,” he chuckled.

“HEY!” Sonia shot back. “You’re always useful. Ethan and I had the opportunity to talk after therapy on occasion. When we did, he often spoke of you. You have to know how much he loves you and what you mean to him. Even if he isn’t the best at expressing it, that doesn’t mean it’s not there.”

Alan squeezed her hand tightly, “I like to believe I do. But that validation surely does help right now.”

Casey spotted Sienna returning and rose to help her.

“I’ll pay you back for this,” Casey said as they unpacked the sandwiches and snacks Sienna purchased.

“Shut up. I just wish I could time allowed me to make something myself. I would have had healthier and tastier options.”

“Oh, I’m sure of that.”

Casey let out a weak sigh, the day's fatigue beginning to wear on her. “Why haven’t we heard anything yet?”

“I know it seems like forever,” Sienna assured, “but they’re still well within the timeframe for a surgery of this nature. It’s just a lot harder when we’re the ones in the waiting room.”

“You can say that again. Have you seen Naveen? I thought he was with you?”

“Oh, he stepped out to pull former Chief of Medicine strings to get an update. Mumbling something about never should have retired under his breath.”

Casey chuckled sadly, “That sounds about right.”

“Casey?” Sienna queried, “I haven’t wanted to ask, but… have you heard from Tobias?”

A look of bewilderment came over Casey’s face. She had been functioning on auto-pilot, just taking care of what was in front of her, so she hadn’t stopped to wonder where he was.

“No, come to think of it, I haven’t. I heard he was helping on the scene…” she laughed ironically, “He was headed to Harvest in Cambridge to get us dinner. Fucking unbelievable. A few hours ago, I was happily waiting for my boyfriend to return with squash ravioli for a quasi-romantic work dinner together. You’d think we’d get used to how fast life can change.”

“Nah,” Sienna disagreed, “if we walked around with that fear in our hearts all the time, we wouldn’t be able to do much of anything. The way I’ve viewed it, ever since losing Danny and nearly losing you… life is too short. I don’t focus on what could go wrong, but I appreciate everything that goes right. And I mean the simple like enjoying a cup of coffee or getting a hug from a friend. Does that make sense?”

“It does,” Casey said, giving her friend a side hug, “it makes perfect sense.”

“Hey,” Tobias said from behind, “do you think you could spare one of those moments for me? Because I’d like to give… and get… a hug right now.”

Casey spun around at the sound of his voice. “Of course!” she smiled, jumping into his arms “of course.”

Sienna quietly walked away to give them privacy as they remained in a tight embrace.

“Can I talk to you in the hall?” Tobias whispered.

Casey nodded and followed him, throwing her arms around him once again when they were there.

“Oh my God, I’m so happy to see you. When I had heard it was one of our doctors, I immediately thought it was you and… I was a mess until Raf told me it wasn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Case. I had no idea. Of course, learning it was Ethan wasn’t what you wanted to hear either.”

“Of course not. But, you were all I thought of… when he told me….” her voice began to crack as tears came to her eyes.

“Hey, no crying. Not for me anyway. I’m here.”

“You’re always here, T.”

He filled with guilt which morphed into a frown on his lips.

“No, I’m not. I wasn’t here tonight. You’ve been here coping with things on your own… Ethan's in there fighting for his life… and I wasn’t here.”

“It’s OK. You’re here now,” she said, taking his hand. “Why don’t you come and sit with us while we wait?”

“You know, maybe I’ll go see if I can find more about Ethan’s status. Would you mind?”

“That would be good. But you’ll come back?”

He lifted his hand, placing it gently under her chin as his thumb caressed her cheek, a look of utter love and tenderness on his face. If only she understood just how much she meant to him and how frightened he was.

“Of course, Casey. I’ll always come back to you,” his voice cracked.

Then with a kiss to her forehead, he was off.

Casey touched her cheek where his hand had been and watched as he walked away. Just being with him had filled her heart with joy, but she felt a sense of foreboding sadness as he departed. Shaking it off, she returned to the others to sit vigil.

Naveen and Tobias returned within the next hour, frustrated with their inability to learn anymore. Casey, Sienna, and Sonia gave each other a knowing look, they knew they needed to be patient, and they understood that was the hardest thing to do. Everyone jumped to their feet when Bryce shuffled into the room.

“Hey, everybody,” he said softly.

Naveen spoke first. “Dr. Lahela, how is he?”

“Is he… all right?” Casey asked nervously.

“He made it through surgery,” Bryce said to a collective sigh of relief.

“What about the organ damage?” Sonia asked, “Casey mentioned his spleen.”

“Well, thanks to Dr. Tanaka, we avoided a splenectomy. But, the damage was extensive, so there are no future guarantees. We will have to watch him closely.”

“Still,” Sonia smiled, “that’s good news.”

“It is,” Bryce continued. “Once we were inside, we found lacerations on the left lobe of his liver, but that wasn’t as extensive.”

“So, is he out of the woods?” Alan asked nervously.

“Not exactly. He sustained a large loss of blood, and right now, everything is still touch and go. But he made it through surgery which was the first major hurdle. The next 24 hours are crucial, and we will know more then.”

“But all in all, this is good news,” Tobias reassured Alan.

“It certainly is,” Bryce concurred. “There were moments where I was afraid I wouldn’t have this news to give you.”

“Can I see him?” Alan asked.

“Not just yet, but soon. A nurse will tell you when, but it has to be a very short visit.”

“Understood,” Alan smiled as Bryce shook his hand.

While the war was far from over, a battle had been won, and those present could feel the slight decrease in tension in the room. Their minds began to focus on previously dismissed things, such as exhaustion, hunger, and even other people.

“Oh my gosh!” Casey exclaimed.

“What?” Tobias asked.

“Wasn’t Ethan in the car with Floria? I never even thought to check if she was admitted.”

“Well, your mind was preoccupied,” Sienna comforted.

“That’s irrelevant. Even if she’s not my favorite person and vice versa, she doesn’t have anyone else and….”

“Want me to go check?” Tobias asked.

“Tobias, she hates you.”

He cocked a brow at her.

“I mean, trust me,” Casey continued, “I know she doesn’t love me by any stretch of the imagination, but she really doesn’t like you.”

“You’re right,” he smirked, “but as you pointed out, she doesn’t have anyone, and, I promise, I won’t be an asshole. But you’re welcome to come and supervise if you wish.”

“No, I trust you.” She smiled as his eyes looked away. “I want to stay here a little longer, but let me know what happens. Maybe I’ll join you?”

“Of course,” he said as a nurse entered the room.

“Mr. Ramsey? You can come into the recovery room to see your son. But you’re only allowed five minutes.”

“Alan,” Naveen interrupted, “I’d like to join you, but only if that’s OK with you.”

“Oh, of course,” Alan chuckled, “After all, we’ve co-parented him well for so many years.”

Everyone chuckled at the much-needed moment of levity. Casey sunk into a chair, and Tobias leaned over to kiss her cheek before heading out to check on Floria.

“Casey,” Alan called. “Would you join us too, please?”

Casey looked between Alan, Naveen, and Tobias then nodded. “Yes, sure, I’d be happy to. Tobias, I’ll meet you when I’m done.”

“You got it,” he nodded as Sonia took a seat. She caught Tobias looking her way, and she answered a question that he didn’t ask.

“It’s fine. I’m new to the game.”

“I didn’t say a word,” Tobias “And I know Ethan will be happy to know you’re here. I can’t see why he wouldn’t be.”

_____

A short time later, Casey and Tobias met up in the cafeteria for some coffee.

“So, Floria?” she asked

“She’s doing ok. She suffered a concussion, and they’re keeping her overnight for observation. But she was lucky.”

“It’s hard to believe she and Ethan were in the same car.”

“Yeah, well, his side took the impact. But, while she’s OK physically, emotionally… not so much. I mean, she was happy to see me,” he smiled.

“Yeah, well, she has a concussion,” Casey laughed. “I think I’d like to see her tomorrow if you think that’s OK?”

“You don’t have to, but….”

“Even if it’s in a medical capacity. I’d like to stop by.”

“Then you should. Now, your visit with Ethan?”

“Well, you know the drill. It wasn’t much of a visit. He’s still not conscious.”

“I know, but….”

“But it went better than expected. Naveen and Alan, they’re both very strong.”

“And so are you. What do you say, Case, ready to go home get a little sleep?”

“Oh… I was planning on staying here for the night. You know, in case Ethan wakes up.”

“Oh, I thought that Alan would….”

“Alan’s staying, of course, but I….”

“It’s fine,” Tobias reassured, “We’ll stay here then. I’ve slept on my share of waiting room chairs, what’s one….”

He looked up and saw that Casey had diverted her gaze, anxiously looking away, and it hit him. She had offered a statement, not an invitation. “Oh. You don’t want me to stay.”

“I didn't say that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Tobias, I didn’t….”

“Casey,” he stopped her, “whatever makes you happy. You stay here. I’ll check in with you in the morning.”

“Tobias, I didn’t mean….”

“Casey,” he said firmly, “It’s OK.”

He walked over and wrapped her in a hug. Both were longing for the warm familiarity normally found in their embrace, but now, it felt different. A strange distance that had not existed just hours before. Though they needed each other terribly, they went their separate ways. They were too tired and too overwrought to deal with it now. But they both understood that it was a postponement, not a dismissal. The conversation would have to come.

_____

“Hey!” Alan said with surprise as he returned to the waiting room. “I thought you went home! Now I feel bad,” he said, lifting his cup. “I would have brought you a coffee too.”

“Oh, that’s OK.” a sleepy Casey replied. “I just had a cup with Tobias before he went home.”

“Did everyone else leave?”

“Yes, Sonia was already late for her shift at Kenmore. I promised her we would call if there was any change. And Sienna… I insisted she go. There is no need for her to hang around any longer.”

“Hmmm. And what about Tobias?”

“What about him?”

Alan put his coffee on the table and turned to give Casey his full attention.

“Why didn’t you go with him?”

“What?” she asked with confusion, “Because of Ethan… if he wakes up, I want to be here.”

“Casey. From what I understand, you and Tobias are pretty serious, are you not?”

“Well, yes. We’re together, we share a home, and we are planning a future… why are you asking me this?”

“Because if Tobias is the man in your life now, your job here for the night is done. You should be home with him and maybe getting some sleep.”

“With all due respect, Alan, Tobias is fine. Ethan is the one in recovery in the critical 24 hour period.”

“Did you ask him to stay? Tobias? Did you ask him to stay with you?”

“No. He offered but… why we’re discussing this, Alan,” she asked with frustration.

“We’re discussing it because you need to know your place, Casey.” He quickly clarified after seeing the sharp look she threw his way.

“Casey,” he said, placing a loving hand on her shoulder. “I have adored you like a daughter from the moment we met. And I will feel that way about you always, no matter what. But there is a big difference between being someone’s partner and being someone’s friend. Ethan is in a precarious state right now. God willing, he will survive, but he will have a tough road ahead, and… he will need clarity. After all that happened between you, you moved on. But he’s just beginning to take baby steps to get there.”

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating, Alan.”

“Casey, I know you still care for Ethan very much. But are you still in love with him?”

“I… I still love Ethan, but in love, that’s….”

“Casey, are you in love with Tobias?”

“Yes! I love Tobias with all my heart, and….”

“Then why didn’t you leave with him? If it’s out of a sense of duty or obligation to Ethan, that’s fine. But it’s not necessary. He has Naveen and me here, and we will be here to walk him through whatever recovery lies ahead. But if you’re here for anything more than that, then you owe it to Ethan, you owe it to Tobias, and, most of all, you owe it to yourself, to be honest about why. Ethan is at a crossroads. Before this accident, he had one foot in the future and one in the past, and when he wakes up, he’s going to need to be on solid ground. He won’t have the luxury of straddling that fence anymore. I love you, Casey, and whatever role in my son’s life… and in mine… I’m happy to have you there, but… he is going to need clarity… and so will you.”

“Alan, I….”

“Casey. You’re with Tobias. Do you love him?”

“I do.”

“Then go home. If there is a change, we’ll call you. Tobias would want to know too. But if there is no change, Ethan should know his two dear friends will be here for him in the morning. He shouldn’t think anything else. And, if the man you love is at home worrying about why you’re here, you should go put his mind at ease.”

“Fine, I’ll….”

“Casey, please don’t be upset. I’m certainly not upset with you. I don’t envy you. What you and my son shared was something special. I love him, but what he put you through was inexcusable. I credit you for sticking around at all. You remind me a lot of myself. But learn from my mistakes. Be true to you, Casey. Love is not about lying to ourselves and making ourselves into something someone else wants. Figure out what works for YOU and then make it yours.”

_____

Casey gently opened the door to the condo, expecting to find Tobias asleep. Instead, he was wide awake and staring out of his living room window with a mug of coffee in his hand. He turned with genuine surprise when he heard her enter the door.

“Hey, I didn’t expect you home tonight.”

“Yeah, well… there is no point in me being there, so I thought I’d come home.”

“Well,” he smiled, but it didn’t go to his eyes, “I’m glad to have you here.”

They fell onto the couch together, exhaustion overtaking them. She nuzzled against his shoulder as he put his arm around her.

“You want to go to sleep?” He asked, “You must be exhausted.”

“You would think, but I’m wide awake.”

“Yeah, you pushed past that point of exhaustion. We all know that feeling well.”

“One of the pitfalls of being a doctor,” she smiled.

“One of the many.”

“T.,” she asked. “When I didn’t come home with you… were, were you worried about why?’

“Why do you ask that, Casey?”

“Because… you seemed hurt, and I was just wondering.”

“Is that what made you decide to come home?”

“Well, partially.”

He shook his head. “We don’t have to do this now. It’s late, and sleepy or not, we’re both tired….”

“Tobias, no. If today's taught has taught me anything, it’s not to wait. So, if I’ve hurt you in any way, I want to know.”

“Case… Ethan’s in the hospital, it’s been a long day, and I don’t think….”

“Tobias,” she said forcefully. “Please.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “First, I want you to know, I’m not mad. If that’s what you think.. I’m just… I’m just….”

“Just what?”

“Uncertain,” he blurted.

“Uncertain?” she questioned with a furrowed brow. “About what?”

He let out a jagged breath then turned to face her. In a barely audible voice, he replied.

“About us.”

Casey swallowed as she felt her heart drop down to her feet.

“Us? What? Why?”

“Because I heard you, Casey,” he exasperated. “I heard you tell Ethan that you loved him and never stopped, and I….” he bit his lip as tears sprung to his eyes.

Casey’s breath went shallow as she rushed to his side.

“Tobias, no… no… it’s not what you think.”

“Then what is it?”

“Tobias, he was going into surgery, and I thought he could be dying! He still might be dying!”

“When people are dying, it often gives those around them clarity that they did not have before. We see it all the time in our jobs.”

“Yes, and we also see that it makes them irrational and work from a place of emotion that could just be reactionary.”

“Is that what happened to you, Casey?”

“What? Well, I... I did…I don’t,” she stammered.

“I didn’t think so. Casey,” he said, walking back to the window. “I started to have concerns when you reacted so strongly to him saying he still loved you. But I chose to believe you and told myself not to overthink it. So I pushed it aside. But, can you blame me for not being able to push it aside anymore now?”

“Yes. I can. Because I’m telling you! I’m telling you that I love you! I’m with you! And I don’t… you don’t believe me? You really don’t believe me.”

“No,” he said, approaching her and gently stroking her hair. “I do believe you. I really do. I just think… I don’t think I’m the only one that you love.”

Heat rose to her face, and thick tears welled in her eyes. Hurt, frightened, confused, she yelled out.

“Tobias! I’m with you! I’m where I want to be. Why aren’t you listening to me?”

“Are you?”

“Yes!” she yelled, tears streaming down her face. “My God, T! You know I love you! You’ve always been so good to me. Ethan broke me, you fixed me, and I love YOU!”

With a newfound resilience, he turned and asked in a voice so calm it forced Casey to face the truth.

“And is that the only reason why? Because if it is, as much as I love you, I deserve better than that.”

The floor no longer felt steady beneath her feet, and she wondered if that was why queasiness gripped her. Her head felt light as she shook it methodically; her body trembled.

“What are you saying? Of course, that’s not the only reason. Goddamn it, Tobias, I love you, and you’re not some sloppy seconds because Ethan tossed me away! You never were, and you never will be!”

“But you love him too?”

“Yes, I love him, but not like… it’s not that… I … I LOVE YOU!”

Tobias's face contorted as that resilience began to melt away. He did his best to hold back the tears he knew would inevitably fall, but he was still making an effort. He motioned to the couch, and Casey followed him there with desperation. She took his face in her hands and pleaded with him.

“Tobias, please! Please!! You have to believe me,” her voice becoming more pained with every word. “You have to believe me. I LOVE YOU.”

“I know, and I love you, so desperately, but….”

“But what!!!???” She demanded.

“But I think we need some time…” his voice cracked. “I think you need some time… to figure out what you want.”

“What?” She gasped in horror; her body reflexively jerked back, her chest heaving. “Are you… are you breaking up with me? You’re… you’re leaving me? Oh my God, you’re leaving me… you’re leaving me too?” she sobbed.

“No, no, baby, no!”

“Yes, you are!” She screamed frantically.

“NO!” He said, pulling her close. They silently swayed in each other's arms, his tears soaking her hair as she wept against his shirt. Both held on with all their might, afraid to let go, but they knew it had to end. “I’m not leaving you,” he whispered into her ear, “I’m just giving you the space to figure out what you want and need….”

“You’re leaving me!” she wailed as she slammed her hand against his chest. “Call it whatever you want, but you’re leaving me!”

“No, I’m not!” He yelled, breaking from their embrace. He took her by the shoulders as their tear-stained faces met. “I’m just facing reality. Casey, I adore you, and I would wait forever for you. You have no idea how much this is killing me. But I deserve to know that the woman who holds my heart. The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with really wants to do the same with me. I don’t want to live with that doubt over my head, and I don’t want you to have it over yours. In the end, if your choice is to be with me, and I hope to God it is, then we’ll be together, and we will know it’s real, and won’t have to worry about you having any regrets. But if you decide it’s not me, then I’ll let you go with love. It’ll hurt like nothing I’ve felt before, but it’s what I’d have to do. But, Casey,” he caressed her cheek, “I’ll never leave you.”

“I… I don’t want this…” she cried.

“Neither do I,” he said, wiping her tears, “Neither do I, but we need this.”

“You were supposed to be back at work in an hour,” she said with flailing hands. “We were supposed to have freaking ravioli together. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“But it did. That’s how life works, and… it sucks. But we will survive. One way or another, we’ll survive.”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” she wept.

“Maybe it’s not forever if it’s meant… maybe it’s not forever.”

“Do you… do you want me to leave? Tonight I mean. I can go….”

“No, you don’t have to leave at all if you don’t want. You can stay in….”

“No,” she said softly, “I can’t move back across the hall from you, Tobias. I do love you. And after sleeping with you, in your bed, in your arms… I can’t go back to being your good friend in the guest room across the hall.”

“Then, where will you go?”

“I’ll figure it out,” she said with a hoarse voice.

“I’ll help you in any way you need.”

“I appreciate that. I really do. But, I think I need to figure that out on my own.”

“OK,” he whispered.

“But, Tobias?”

“Yes?”

“Are you… are you still my friend?” she asked as her body shuddered.

“Of course! Of course, I am, baby. What was the first thing we promised when we took that next step? That our friendship would always come first. I’m here for you if you need me, but you have to decide how that will be.”

“I don’t want to be just your friend, though.”

“Well, if you still feel that way after taking some time. Then I’ll be here.”

“Well, then I guess I should go…” she said weakly.

“I know I have no right to ask, but….”

Her head flung eagerly to him. “But what….”

“Can you.. can you just stay the night? Could we, maybe, just sleep in each other's arms tonight. It may be the last time, for now… or it may be the last forever, but… I just don’t want to think it may never happen again.”

Casey nodded vigorously as her tears bounced to the floor.

“Yeah,” she whispered, “Yeah. I’d… I’d like that too. But with one condition.”

“What is it.”

“In the morning, you leave for work before I wake. I’ll get some stuff together, and I’ll go. I can do it by myself, but I can’t bear the thought of having to walk out after saying goodbye to you. Could you do that for me?”

“Sure,” he sighed, “I can do anything for you.”

Falling into each other's arms, they made their way down the hall, maybe for the last time. They collapsed into bed, and exhaustion overtook them mercifully. They fell asleep quickly. But throughout the night, they never once extracted themselves from each other's arms.

Tobias felt sick when the alarm went off, but he knew he had to do what he had to do. His heart ached as he watched her, sound asleep under his covers. He wanted to wake her and say he had changed his mind. He wanted her there forever. But he couldn’t because he truly wanted her there forever. But it had to be right. They both had to know in their hearts it was real, and, right now, he didn’t believe that to be true. He stood in the doorway and stared at her for a long while, then with all the strength he had, he turned and walked away. As he made his way to the door, he prayed to God that it wasn’t for the last time.

Casey woke an hour later. She shot up and anxiously looked around the room. That uneasy feeling you get when your world is falling apart overtook her. Was it a bad dream? Did it really happen? Was there a magic wand that would make it all go away? But she knew the answers. Ethan was in the hospital, his fate still uncertain. Tobias was… gone. And there was no magic wand. She’d have to put in the work and carve out her way, whatever that was to be. It was the last day this would be her home. She was alone, heartbroken, and afraid, but out of nowhere, a feeling overtook her. Tobias was right. They’d be OK… she’d be OK, one way or another.

She was happy for the distraction when her phone rang… it was Sienna who was back on shift. Casey answered eagerly, thinking there could be news.

“Si, what’s up? Are you at the hospital?”

“Yeah, I am,” she said nervously.

“What is it?” Casey asked anxiously, throwing her legs off of the side of the bed. “Is it Ethan, has something gone….”

“No, no. There’s no change… We finally convinced Alan to leave for a shower and a couple of hours sleep and….”

“Si, spit it out.”

“You may want to get down here.”

“Why?”

“Because Louise just showed up. And she’s refusing to leave without seeing him.”

Permatags: @a-crepusculo @animesuck3r @annoyingmillenialnewbie @anonymousrookie @bex-la-get @binny1985 @bluebelle08 @bluerosesbloom @coffeeheartaddict2 @crazy-loca-blog @danijimenezv @darkswagamerpiratecowboyclown @differenttyphoonwerewolf @dorisz @genevievemd @jamespotterthefirst @jennieausten @kingliam2019 @lady-calypso @liaromancewriter @lucy-268 @mainstreetreader @parisa-kh @peonierose @potionsprefect @quixoticdreamer16 @rookiemartin @rosebudde @schnitzelbutterfingers @secretaryunpaid @sillydg @spookycolorpeanut @socalwriterbee @thegreentwin @trappedinfanfiction @txemrn @writer-ish @youlookappropriate @zahrachoices @kachrisberry @fayeswiftie

OH Tags: @aishwarya26 @onikalover @peonyblossom @toadfrog26

Tobias Only Tags: @icecoffee90

[mkstrigidae]

Slight APWH Announcement:

Nothing concerning!!!! The story is still being written, I am still working on it, and have no intention of stopping, so if you are prone to wearing your anxiety pants, you can take them off now. Don't put them on in the first place. At least put on a cozy sweater with them or something comfortable.

tl;dr: I'm going to be doing some mostly minor revisions to the beginning chapters of the story. Nothing will fundamentally change in the story, but I've been wanting to do this for a while, for a number of reasons, so here's a heads-up. (So if you are really attached to this specific wording of the beginning of the story, go download it on Ao3 ASAP). More elaboration below the cut if you're curious:

I think part of the reason I'm having such a bear of a time with the most recent APWH installments is that I've grown as a writer since beginning the story, and made a few choices in the beginning that I would rather not have been there. Nothing huge, but I think I was too eager to tip my hand on certain aspects of Oberyn's assessment of Petyr, and I really hate the scene at the newspaper with Jeor and Lyanna. I've also always disliked how I wrote part of Sansa giving her statement to Oberyn, and have wanted to edit a throwaway comment of Aegon's inviting Theon to Winterfell a while back.

There are things about the story I really feel like need to be edited, in short, lmao.

So I think I might go back and make a few changes to the first few chapters- The content itself wouldn't change, for the most part, just the way things are presented. I know you're probably not supposed to do this with a fic, but this one turned into a behemoth, and when I began the story, I had no idea what the plot was going to be. Now, I have a very clear idea of what the story arc looks like, and it means that I'm writing in a less serial fashion, and am able to get into case details in a way that doesn't feel absolutely absurd. There are also a few pieces of intended foreshadowing at the beginning that are no longer really relevant, and some things I really feel like would benefit from being reworded.

Like I said, I know this isn't necessarily a typical approach to writing a fic, but A. It is my story, haha, and It's not perfectionism so much as it is genuinely enjoying doing some harmless revision (okay so it's a little bit perfectionism, but i haven't been beating myself up over these mistakes- Jon Arryn would have had to be in like, 3 places at once between chapters 5 and 13 with the way i've name dropped him (not to mention the ever shifting location of Sansa's lemon tree) and while I'm not exactly losing sleep over it, it has been annoying me), AND B. I genuinely do not have any intention of changing this story to make it fundamentally different. I'd like some specific spots to be less clunky, and would like to correct some continuity errors, and in one case, remove a scene where I fundamentally really got journalistic ethics just blatantly wrong. But the story is not going to change.

I'm not sure what the reaction to this will be, but it's going to be something I handle before the next chapter of APWH gets posted (the delay is largely that I'm writing like five chapters at once, because events really spill into each other after this chapter and so I'm treating this next block of chapters as like, it's own story arc. Then there's a subsequent smaller arc involving Sansa at school that sort of runs into the trial arc, and then finale stuff (which i'm keeping quiet about for now but I so desperately want to post- I have such a perfect end oh my god), so like, there is a structure here!!! I promise.

I have NO intention of giving up on this story, ever. Sometimes, it can be a fucking chore to write (all hobbies are like this at some point and this story is SO LONG), but I have such a deep and abiding love for the versions of the characters I've written, and usually, I absolutely love working on this story and pulling all the threads together.

There's also the fact that this story is WAY more popular than I ever expected it to be- like holy shit I never expected people to love this weird concept the way I did. So while I write this story for myself, it's also a labor of love that I love that I get to share with all of you who have enjoyed it so far- everyone who's left kudos, and added the story to rec lists, everyone who's bookmarked it, who've reblogged my new chapter posts- you make me so extremely happy. To those of you who leave me comments- who tell me your theories in the comments and use so! many! exclamation! points! (!!!), who have told me how much you feel for Sansa, for Robb and Ned and Cat and all the Starks- I love you. I don't always have time to respond to all of them, but every comment you leave is just so loved and appreciated. To those of you who send me tumblr asks about the story with your character questions, wanting to know fun facts about the characters and know more about the universe I've created, I love everything about you always, and answering those is so much fun. To the anon who sent me an ask about whether or not Sansa's case ended up on Buzzfeed unsolved in the APWH universe- how does it feel to have left me the single best piece of feedback I've ever gotten on the story? How dare you be funnier than me on my own story? I absolutely adore you.

Anyways, I love you all, I love writing APWH, and I hope you all will not be too irritated by this particular decision. I can guarantee that there are numerous scenes in the future that will make up for any mild inconvenience this may cause you to feel at the moment. Plus, you'll have a good excuse to reread if that's your thing!

I hope you are all having a wonderful week, and that you find a perfectly ripe piece of produce at the grocery store that's also on sale (I have an entire bag of oranges in my fridge because I share Sansa's citrus obsession).

[rochibolettieri]

Now that i'm calm again (sort of)... Thoughts on 4x05 "Savages"

Honestly, the whole recap was going to be me screaming because obvious reasons, but i’ll try to make it decent

Claire and Adawehi’s friendship looks so pure 🥰

THE WHITE SOW APPEARED 🙌 🐖

Jamie x Claire being so married and in their little bubble of bliss...I AM ALREADY WEEPING 😭❤️

Jamie dreaming of Brianna OMG, and Claire´s reaction. EVERYTHING IS PERFECT. Also, Jamie´s dream is all he has at the moment, he doesn´t even think of the posibility to meet her, so that made the scene more emotional IMO

Oh poor Roger, he’s desperate. Help him find his girl (still upset with him but his sadness really touched me) 🙁

Did you notice some similarities between this town and Edinburgh in 3x06? Am i crazy? 🤔

JAMIE WITH GLASSES IS ALWAYS A BLESSING 🤓❤️

What about that slut? shush, get away

Claire holding a baby, i need her holding her own grandchild ASAP thank you very much 

This Herr Mueller...i don´t like him. And i understand his believes, but poor natives, they’re trying to live free. Btw, Claire handling the situation, ALWAYS THE LEADER MY GIRL *PROUD MOM HERE*

Was really a blessing or a curse?

I could watch Claire feeding the animals and taking care of the house for the rest of my life. Is what she wanted for 20 years, having a home with Jamie, she really feel at ease in there. And, have you notice THE VASES?

TUN TUN TUN....I RECOGNISE THAT VOICE........MURTAGHSHDIUGHDLOIF!!!!!!!!! *SCREAMING NOT SO CALM, NOT SO INTERNALLY*

Meh, the slut again. Also, the “thank you kindly but my wife is expecting me home soon” reminds me to when he meets with someone *wink* and tells her “sorry lass, im a marrit man”. Thank you, next.

“BLACKSMITH!! IM SPEAKING TO YE!” ---> mMURTAHgd? *MY WEE HEART* ❤️❤️❤️

I can spend my life watching Claire with a rifle too

“Married again, did ye?” “Claire, she came back to me” YES BOY! AND MURTAGH´S REACTION IS PRICELESS. And him learning about Brianna *AAAAAAAAAAH SCREAMING AGAIN* (Proud Da and proud Godfather is my favorite thing)

Rollo, my baby. Always the protector ❤️ 🐶

Is Murtagh a regulator? Should i be worried about that? 😰

See why i didn’t like that man?? He’s a monster. Poor Adawehi, and poor Claire, let her breath for god sake, she´s been through a lot 

When i first saw the arrows burning the cabin i thought it was the Fraser’s one and nearly had a panic attack, but it isn´t, so it´s okay

Oh baby, Jamie is now with you again, you don’t have to worry. Also, i love to hear Jamie saying Mo Nighean Donn again 😥😔

The boogie woogy song *DECEASED AGAIN*

BRIANNA THROUGH THE STONES!!!!! YAS, GO FIND YOUR PARENTS GIRL. 🎉🎊🎉🎊

Im still inestable after this episode, was absolutely the best one at the moment. This reunion definitely surpassed every other i had in mind between Murtagh and the Frasers.

Sam and Caitriona did AN AMAZING ACTING, as always, but in this one, damn they nailed it. Duncan always the precious, he was incredible too.

Also, *unpopular opinion*, Rik is killing this season too, his emotions so visible, he´s doing an amazing performance

I have some questions tho, with the Mueller’s thing. Did he actually killed Adawehi in the book? Wasn´t the Muellers house burned in ABOSAA? I read the books, but that was last year and i forgot, so i´m a little bit confused.

Anyway, i have to be honest and say i´m not thrilled for the next episode. I only want to see Murtagh making some senses to Jamie, and Brianna in the 18th century. The rest...we´ll see next week

[mostthingskenobi]

Since the news of a standalone Kenobi film was released in November, do you want flashbacks of Qui-gon and Obi-wan protecting Satine during the Mandalorian Civil War? And how would you like for those brief scenes to focus on? I'm a huge Ewan Mcgregor/Obi-wan fan obviously and am excited about the movie!

Dear Anon, allow me to begin by apologizing for this response’s tardiness. I’ve been away / in seclusion during the holidays. But I’m back and in full swing now!

KENOBI - A STAR WARS STORY (AKA STAND ALONE FILM/TRILOGY)

OK OK OK. My heart yearns for an Obi-Wan movie. Like…desperately. HOWEVER, I am not going to truly believe there is a Kenobi film in the works until Disney officially announces it on the Star Wars website. I need it strait from the proverbial horse’s mouth. (**Come on, Disney, you bastards! Give the people what they want!!!**)

That being said, OF COURSE I’ve given it some thought… like so much thought I actually have my own novel planned for a stand alone, post Revenge of the Sith Kenobi story. (**Dear Disney, I am currently looking for work, I’m a good writer, and I’d be happy to write you an Obi-Wan movie that kicks major ass! Please email me with job offers ASAP. Your humble servant, Most Things Kenobi**) I have it fully outlined and ready to go, but there are so many projects in the pipeline ahead of it :[

FIRST CHOICE OPTIONS: OBI-WAN KENOBI MOVIE

Obviously, the incredibly gorgeous Ewan McGregor version of Obi-Wan would certainly be my first choice. My requirements are simple. No mullet, and keep that goddamn beard under control. None of this Attack of the Clones CGI beard bullshit.

So here’s my list of essentials:

1. Nightmares. Lots of them. Obi-Wan waking out of a sound sleep, soaked in sweat, calling Anakin’s name. Or Qui-Gon’s. Or Satine’s.

2. Obi-Wan struggling to meditate and make contact with Qui-Gon. Knowing he should be continuing his training as Yoda instructed but finding himself too angry and bitter to commit 100% to it.

3. Flashbacks. Yes, most certainly!! Especially of Qui-Gon and Satine. There is essentially no canon of their time together, and very little canon of Obi-Wan’s Padawan years. It would be cool to see some of that. I would love to see small moments that would pack an emotional punch. For example: Obi-Wan is trying to meditate on the side of a cliff while the Tatooine twin suns set in the background. He’s struggling to focus, trying to clear his mind and tap into the Force all around him, when he suddenly has a vision of Satine smiling, throwing her head back while she laughs, the look in her eye right before she kissed him for the first time, the smirk on her face when she rescued him on Concordia, kissing her hand after she died in his arms. His eyes suddenly spring open and he gives up trying to meditate that day.

4. Luke Skywalker! Obi-Wan watching over him in all manner of ways, seeing the young boy’s natural skill with the Force and remembering that all hope is not lost.

5. Obi-Wan showing emotions that are not Jedi-appropriate… like anger, bitterness, and sadness (I wouldn’t mind a moment where he finally has a good cry).

6. Eventually a resurgence of his internal fire, a moment where he kicks himself in the ass and forces himself to train. A scene of him performing katas in the desert with the twin suns setting behind him would make a badass piece of cinematography. Some super skilled meditation and levitation. Finally making contact with Qui-Gon and accessing the Force in a new way, making him stronger than he ever had been as a Jedi. Stuff that shows Obi-Wan as the total fucking badass he truly is.

7. The moment where Obi-Wan realizes Anakin is alive and suffering in that horrible mechanical suit.

8. Obi-Wan using Anakin’s lightsaber in some amazing Jar’Kai action.

9. Easter eggs scattered throughout the story, like his Clone Wars armor propped up in the background, some Mandalorian crest etched into something, a keepsake of Qui-Gon’s or Anakin’s hanging around his neck, hidden in his robes.

SECOND CHOICE OPTIONS: OBI-WAN ANIMATED SERIES

So, instead of a film, I would also accept an animated series about young Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon and Satine. I would LOVE if James Arnold Taylor and Anna Graves reprised their roles from Clone Wars (JAT is possibly my favorite version of Obi-Wan). An animated story would give the creators complete flexibility.

Here’s my list of essentials for this show:

1. We can finally learn how Obi-Wan became Qui-Gon’s Padawan.

2. I’d like to see Obi-Wan in the temple as a teenager, self-consciously realizing he’s more powerful with the Force and a better duelist than any of his peers.

3. Young Obi-Wan temper flair ups.

4. Kenobi slowly learning that he’s really good looking. It never occurred to him that he was handsome, but once he turns 18 people start flirting with him constantly. Qui-Gon teasing him about this mercilessly.

5. Qui-Gon constantly trying to get Obi-Wan to lighten up.

6. Seeing more of Qui-Gon’s soothing yet rebellious charm.

7. Kenobi learning the dramatic cape drop from his master.

8. Some Dooku interaction… Secretly taking interest in his grand Padawan’s skill and wondering if it could be used against the young man in the future.

9. The Mandalorian story is an absolute must!!! Seeing Obi-Wan suddenly have “love” feelings for Satine and the struggle that creates with his Jedi lifestyle.

What else, guys??? What am I missing??