#I'm fucking 31 I'm struggling to keep up

[proudaussieboomer1957]

so just through the end of act 3 and some way into the intermission thing

I still don't understand what the fuck is going on with the future thing with the desert-y type mail lady and the assault rifle dude and the Mayor of Beans and how that interfaces with the kids in the "present". And it's been weird because my brain places it as a reference to Journey, which didn't release on ps3 till like 2 or 3 years later than this? It happens, there's that shael riley and the double ice backfire song that nominally predicts the underlying idea of like, Ingress and then pokemon go by a few years.

idk. It's deliberately obtuse and it feels kind of good to understand the little things that do filter through to me, a lot of it is just seeing NONSENSE WORDS that are CAPITALISED and glossing right over them. Every joke is still every joke from Kingdom of Loathing. The feel is tangibly, palpably le epic bacon era, with all the ~isms very much intact.

What I enjoyed from this chunk of reading was the inkling of John having a character arc, and taking a couple of steps towards resolving it.

As it is, the 4 main (?) protagonists have largely been used as vehicles for references and jokes (oh hey this girl who lives on the JURASSIC PARK island with her HUNTER FROM JUMANJI [1995] Grandpa (a ghost? I already can't remember) is a FURRY, has (mental health conditions outlined in the then-contemporary DSM-4) etc etc so it was nice to see some movement at the station regarding his feelings around his relationship with his dad.

Also I don't know how I feel about this intermission thing. I already have to try and remember so much half-explained stuff to keep up to date with the main story and now you're dropping all this shit on me about following past trails and future trails? We can't jump to hearts McGee or we try to jump to spades in the shades but can't and we have to actually go back to seal clubber lang? Who the fuck is who? What the fuck is going on? Are they trying to kill the Lord English guy or destroy all the clocks or steal something in a vault?

If there's not a "catch-up" thing for the main story at the end of this I'm going to have to read back through the last couple of acts again just to fucking remind myself about what the fuck was going on. I also might go back to act 1 at some point and go back over it now that I grasp what a "captchalogue" is and why it's called that and who the other kids are etc etc.

I only have so many braincells left at my advanced age and I don't know how beneficial it is to have so many of them filled with the phrase "I FUCKEN WARNED YOU ABOUT THOSE STAIRS, BRO"

Still confused about where the grey body paint cosplay comes into all of this.

[teaweltzer]

Sending Stone Messages

A list for me that I want to update as new ones come in! Which w/ Dorian back, hopefully not so much (But i think I found all of them so far)

Bonus Ep 6 - Orym gripping the sending stone while Dorian was away

Ep 16 Fearne - right after Dorian leaves 

Ep 22 Orym — “We’re leaving Jrusar, heading southeast. Following the Treshi thread further. You’ve been missed. Hope you’re well.

Dorian — “Hey, sorry. Was sleeping. Thanks. Miss you guys too. Shit got crazy here too. Floating bar, I’ll tell you later. 

Ep 31  Orym — “Hey friend. Missing you here. Could really use your special brand of optimism right now. Don’t know where you are. Hope you’re happy. Bye now.”

Dorian — “Hey! Floating bar got a little weird. Took awhile to land it. This side of the fam is keeping me busy. Miss you all too- Don’t die!”

Bonus Ep 33 - Sending stone falling from Orym's hand as he dies from Otohan

Ep 40  Orym — “Hey. Yios bound. Found them- their killers. Bigger than we thought. Read rough, Dorian. Eshteross is dead. Glad you’re not here, wish you were anyway.”

Ep 41  Dorian (via Robbie)— “Oh Orym~ My heart aches I cannot be there to help you. Find strength, stay steadfast. Sending you fairer winds. …. Is this thing on or-“

Ep 49 Orym — “Dorian. Update. People we’re chasing unleashing hell in a week. We’re headed there now. Odds not good. More tomorrow. Where are you?

Dorian — “Orym! With the rest of the Crown Keepers in Tal’Dorei. Opal’s getting a little dark. Little busy at the moment.. I don’t even know how to get to you.”

Ep 49 Orym -- "Hey buddy. I have a weird request from the other side of the ocean. Can you see the leylines? Is your night sky lit up? Ash says, "Hi." You'll know if you see it. Dorian -- "Yeah, it's, It's real colorful up here, too. I'd take it in and enjoy the display if things weren't so tense at the moment.. Tell Ashton I say hi."

Ep 49 Orym — “Listen, what’s going on over here is really bad. Get the group, get underground. Stay there until you hear from me again… Miss you”

Dorian — “I'll see what I can do. There’s plenty of places underground, I’m sure. It's a little hairy on this end too. You take care of yourself. Be careful”

Ep 59  Orym — “Dorian?? Can you hear me? what’s the sky look like where you are? Tell me you’re okay-“

Ep. 63 Orym — “Dorian. still alive, by the skin of our teeth. want to talk more. you know where Dariax is?’

Bonus I miss you - Ep. 79  "I really miss Dorian and sometimes I think that's okay and sometimes it isn't."

Ep 86 Orym — “Dorian, we’re alive. Been to the moon, going back. Find the tempest. If I don’t get the chance again, I’ve really missed you.”

Ep 92 Orym — "We're home. Can you hear me? I'm northeast of Bassuras. Can you get there? I'm... struggling. Sorry. Can you get here? Fuck, I miss you."

Ep 93 Dorian (Robbie back) - "I'll be there" Bonus 93 Fearne - "Wait, what are you doing here? How did you get here?" Dorian - "Well, I got your message." Ep 94 Orym — "Dorian. Dorian. Dorian, wake up. Dorian. Fearne and I outside the city, about 10 minutes. Need you all."

[cartierre]

LE PETIT PRINCE | ms47

SOCIAL MEDIA!AU mick schumacher x fem!reader

side note: i'm so sorry the plot here is kind of non-existent and it's literally just mick being boyfriend of the month but the request has been sitting in my inbox for quite some time and i felt obligated to finally finish it because i felt bad for taking so long.

♡ liked by mickschumacher and 13,492 others

tagged: mickschumacher

yourusername mick keeps buying me french books and says "i can teach you french" but really he just wants to spend more time with me by translating them to me

view all 38 comments

user1 get yourself someone like mick who keeps buying you books ⤷ user2 you make it sound like as if books are actually expensive ⤷ user3 it's the thought that counts babes

mickschumacher you really cracked the code, meine liebe (my love) ⤷ yourusername it's because i've read sherlock

user4 i'm so jealous to my core

♡ liked by mickschumacher and 14,012 others

tagged: mickschumacher

yourusername livres et bisous (books and kisses)

view all 31 comments

user5 the last picture is doing things to me ⤷ user6 y/n really won at love ⤷ user7 ik i'm so jealous of her

mickschumacher mon coeur (my heart) ⤷ yourusername mon ange (my angel)

user8 they're so in love i hate it here ⤷ user9 how can someone be as lucky as y/n fr

♡ liked by yourusername, felipedrugovich and 349,207 others

tagged: yourusername

mickschumacher back in switzerland before travelling up to belgium!

view all 783 comments

user10 ugh he's so boyfriend ⤷ user11 i feel so painfully single rn

user12 legit every time i see a post of y/n there are books involved ⤷ user13 she's just like me fr ⤷ user14 our little hopeless romantic

yourusername i cannot believe you laughed at me when i cried at the book's ending ⤷ mickschumacher i'm sorry ⤷ yourusername you should be! at least bobby was there to comfort me

user15 y/n crying because she got emotionally invested in her book is so real of her ⤷ user16 I'm her, she is me

♡ liked by mickschumacher and 11,397 others

tagged: mickschumacher

yourusername i think i've packed enough books for the upcoming race week

view all 42 comments

mickschumacher you think? ⤷ yourusername there's never enough to read

user17 maybe she could just watch mick race instead of reading her boring books? ⤷ user18 she's at like every fucking race, let her be if she wants a time out and just enjoy some reading ⤷ user19 also what if she has social anxiety and just doesn't want to talk to many people and therefore loves to read instead?

user20 i understand her struggle of never having enough books with me on vacation ⤷ user21 like at least 50% if my luggage is filled with books and then i always buy more

♡ liked by mickschumacher and 14,597 others

tagged: mickschumacher

yourusername mon petit prince (my little prince)

view all 49 comments

user22 UGH I WANT THIS SO BAD

user23 y/n learning french with the help of mick and reading le petit prince is literally the most adorable thing i've seen all week ⤷ user24 i just know mick's really patient with teaching her french ⤷ user25 i didn't even know mick speaks french ⤷ user26 he grew up in switzerland, they get taught french there

mickschumacher your french is definitely getting somewhere! ⤷ yourusername i have the best teacher comment liked by mickschumacher

♡ liked by youruserame, dennis_hauger and 398,102 others

tagged: yourusername

mickschumacher ma rose🌹(my rose)

view all 803 comments

user27 HIM CALLING HER HIS ROSE BECAUSE HE IS HER PETIT PRINCE i am deceased ⤷ user28 boyfriend of the decade

yourusername je t'aime mon petit prince (i love you my little prince) comment liked by mickschumacher ⤷ mickschumacher je t'aime aussi ma rose (i love you too my rose)

user29 this is it i'm dead, died of envy ⤷ user30 how can i live laugh love under these conditions

user31 biting my fist rn

[urhoneycombwitch]

luuuuu...

i'm thinking about prompt #31: “what happened? you wanted this so bad five minutes ago”

coupled with this 👀

featuring rockstar!eddie, naturally 😌

*heavy breathing* hey the cool thing is I am actually so normal about this!!!!!!!!!

+18 mdni. quickie thots and bootriding w rockstar!Eddie below the cut

rockstar!Eddie before a show. you can hear the roar of the crowd underneath the floorboards where you kneel. Eddie’s in so much goddamn leather and lace, your eyes don’t know where to land- fishnet crop top under blinged-out black jacket, tight TIGHT leather pants.

His eyeliner is smudged to fuck (from earlier when you two were going at it on the loveseat), all smoky and blurred as he looks down at you. On the toe of his boot. Vibrator buzz juuuust loud enough to be heard by you both in the little dressing room.

A dressing room with his name on it. Eddie is only ever like this (prideful. boastful. a little mean.) right before a big show. Like the adrenaline and anticipation manifests into your usually-gentle boy’s fantasies. With an edge.

He’d instructed you to keep your hands to your sides, earlier, but you’d been so good that now you’re allowed to hold on to his leg. Cheek pressed to leather, panting a wet spot against the dark fabric. Fingers turning to claws when the vibrator hits right against your clit for the hundredth time in the last twenty minutes. You let out a sharp whine- Eddie, far above, chuckles. Dark and low.

His hand wraps around the back of your neck, fingers threaded into hair, holding you in place against his leg. “what happened, hmm? Thought you wanted this so bad. Change your tune, sweetheart?”

A distorted buzz as you struggle (into? against?) his grasp, words coming out choked as the vibrator lights up the beat between your legs- “No, no- please, Eddie- please…”

From your vantage point, you can’t see the sharp glint in Eddie’s eye as he tightens his grasp on you; you don’t see the way his free hand pulls at the tented fabric in his pants for a bit of relief. Eddie tilts the heel of his boot up higher, speaking over your moan- “Come before the opener’s done and I’ll eat you out again ‘fore I get onstage.”

[steddieas-shegoes]

Request: smooth as butter Steve flirting with Eddie while the CC boys watch in shock as their ruthless Eddie turns red(?) and gets all blushy bc he doesn't know how to deal with this STEVE???? making it better:it happens during DND the one time Eddie gets Steve to play & the entire time Steve's human bard character flirting hardcore with Eddie via his NPC's (the kids aren't involved in this one just Steddie & Corroded Coffin boys)

MY LOVEEEEEEE!!!! Okay I have never played. I know. Hush, I know. My best friend wants me to so bad she bought me dice. And like, I probably will, but like Steve, my brain is trying to not only deal with math, but also just how involved it all is. I like games that take about half a brain cell. I'm also super bad at the flirting thing, in real life and when writing. I just cannot do it my friends. But I did my best here and I hope it isn't the worst😂 - Mickala ❤️

--------------------------------------------------

He was doing this for Dustin.

He made a character sheet with Lucas, went over the basics, learned that maybe the math part wouldn’t be so bad.

And then he convinced Eddie to let him do a one shot with the Corroded Coffin guys so he could get a feel for it all without Dustin knowing.

He didn’t get that creative with his character according to Lucas, but he was also supportive and understanding that Steve wasn’t doing this as a regular thing.

Eddie explained to the guys that they needed to be patient, that Steve was genuinely trying to learn.

“Everyone was new once, so I don’t wanna hear anything from any of you about how annoying it is to have to take it so slow and explain everything. He’s trying to do a nice thing for Henderson and we’re going to be nice.”

Everyone groaned, but nodded in agreement.

“Are we talking about your crush on him yet, or is that still off the table?” Gareth had the gall to ask.

“There’s no crush to even have on the table,” Eddie said.

“Sure, dude.”

—--------------

Things were not going well.

Well, okay, they weren’t going bad.

It’s just that Lucas apparently explained to Steve that being in character was very important and Steve failed to mention that his character’s charisma was the highest possible option.

He shouldn’t be surprised by that.

Maybe he’s just surprised with all the blatant flirting.

The guys keep shooting him looks like they know that he’s struggling, that they can see that he is barely able to hold onto the power the DM usually has.

“The guard stops you, but he recognizes you. ‘You’re the one who stole the sword!’ he yells, catching the attention of the other guards. You panic because your party is still hiding in the bush with strict instructions not to be seen unless they draw their weapons on you. How will you respond?”

Steve smirked.

Not good. Run away. Get out, Munson, you’re fucked.

But he couldn’t leave.

He was the DM, and they were barely halfway done with what he had planned.

He had to see this through and he had to give Steve the best possible introduction to this game.

It was for Dustin.

“I’d probably have to insist that it wasn’t me he saw, but that I sure wish I’d seen him before. Maybe wink at him,” Steve said. “Actually, definitely wink at him.”

Steve looked at everyone else, smile silently asking for approval.

Everyone smirked at Eddie before giving him a thumbs up.

Traitors.

He’d be saying something later for sure.

“The guard is still suspicious, but waves the other guards off. He looks you over, circles you, decides to take your only weapon.”

“Not my only weapon. I still have plenty of time to distract him.”

Eddie squints at him, just as suspicious as the guard in their game.

“Roll for-”

“Persuasion, right?” Steve interrupted.

“Sure. Roll for persuasion, Stevie,” Eddie pretended not to be flustered at Steve remembering aspects of the game.

“18!” Steve yelled. “Plus the 13. So that’s…” he held his hand up while he thought about it. “31!”

Everyone at the table cheered except for Eddie.

He knew what was coming.

“I offer to let the guard check me for weapons in private if he’s still suspicious. I tell him it’s better to take all my clothes off where he can do something about it.”

Eddie hated what was happening.

He hated that he could feel how red his face was, and how much Steve was thriving off of putting Eddie off of his own game.

He hated the way the guys were all watching, literally holding their breath for Eddie’s reaction.

“The guard decides to lead you past the gate, but instead of taking you to the entrance to the castle, he leads you down a side road. It leads to a small cottage, and you start to worry that your party won’t find you.”

Steve doesn’t even hesitate.

“I let him lead me where he wants. I can take it.”

Eddie is going to die. Right here.

Steve knows what he’s doing, what he’s saying.

He knows what he is doing to Eddie.

And, okay, maybe they haven’t talked about it, maybe they’ve both been avoiding the very obvious tension between them for months. Maybe Eddie could have taken a chance any of the times they’ve been alone lately to finally talk about it.

Or maybe Steve would just keep flirting with him through this stupid game until Eddie couldn’t even do what he needed to do.

And everyone around them would just get to watch it unfold.

Jeff, his only friend at the moment, cleared his throat and decided to speak up.

“I think the rest of the party should follow. Just in case he needs backup. Guys?”

Thank God for Jeff.

It continues, the rest of the party finds a way to get past the guards, and Eddie admits to himself that he’s making it easier on purpose.

He wants, no, needs this game to end.

And he gets his wish ten minutes later when the phone rings and it’s Dustin, begging for a ride.

Eddie ignores the fact that he called his trailer knowing Steve would be here already, but the rest of the group doesn’t.

While Steve is on the phone, they all quietly tease Eddie.

“If I knew Steve would fluster you this much, I think we would have invited him a long time ago,” Grant said.

“Yeah, we probably would’ve had much easier campaigns if he joined in high school,” Gareth added.

“Yeah? Next time you all get to die, how about that? Terrible, bloody deaths. Gareth gets tortured.”

Before any of them could answer, Steve came into the room, looking a bit sad.

“Sorry about this guys. I couldn’t really come up with a reason that I couldn’t go without giving it away what I was doing. We could pause and come back to it later?”

Eddie knew the guys would be fine with just calling it here; They’d managed to get far enough along that they knew it would have been a good win for them.

“Nah, you did good. Maybe you can join us for real after Dustin’s birthday campaign,” Jeff said.

Steve beamed back at him.

“Maybe, yeah. If you guys are cool with it.”

Was he…shy?

He was just flirting up a storm! Absolutely taking the lead in a game he’d never played before! And now he was being shy?

“Hell yeah!” They all agreed.

Great, Steve was making friends with his friends.

“Alright!” Steve clapped his hands together. “I’m off to get the kid. Thanks guys!”

He started to leave, but stopped by Eddie.

Then his lips were on the top of Eddie’s head.

“Bye guys!” He said as he continued to walk out.

Eddie’s eyes were wide, unblinking. The guys were all staring at him with the same wide, unblinking eyes.

The front door to the trailer closed.

“Uh,” Eddie said.

“Did he-”

“He just-”

“On your head.”

“Uh.”

The front door opened.

Steve was standing in the doorway to the kitchen area, eyes wide, unblinking.

“Did I-”

“Uh huh,” Eddie answered.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Is that…okay?”

He was looking nervously between the guys and Eddie, like he expected someone to punch him.

“Oh! Yeah. No, they’re good. Um. Did you want to kiss me?”

“Yeah. I kinda…always do?”

“Always?”

“Yes. It’s kind of all I think about.”

Eddie took it all back; This was the best and he had never been happier that Steve wanted to play D&D.

He didn’t even care about the guys watching as he stood from his chair and walked to Steve in the doorway.

“Me too.”

He pulled Steve against him, ignoring the whistles and cheers from the table, and kissed him.

The kiss left them both breathless, despite being barely more than a peck.

“Um, I should go get Dustin,” Steve whispered.

“Yeah. Come back after?”

“Will everyone still be here?” Steve asked nervously.

“Nope, just you and me, sweetheart,” Eddie replied.

“Good. I’ll be back soon, then.”

When Steve left, Eddie turned back to the group, lovestruck grin on his face.

“So it’s off the table now, right?” Gareth asked, smirking.

“Shut up.”

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

We'll give it a shot

Written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles, day 30/31

Prompt: New year's resolutions

Rated: G

CW: aftermath of injury; aftermath of trauma

Tags: Established relationship; recovery; fluff

Notes: Continued from days 3 and 18 - @house-of-the-moving-image and I just wanted them to be happy after all we put them through. 😭❤️

Steve has always been all movement, all fluid grace, for as long as Eddie remembers. On the pitch, in the pool. Shielding others with his own body, his strength. He was proud of this. It was the one thing he knew he was good at.

And then Vecna nearly twisted his limbs from his body. Broke his arm in three different places, his leg in five.

“They say I'll need to be patient,” Steve tells Eddie a few months after everything, hands tangled over the middle console of the van. It's late December and they're on their way back from physical therapy. “Could be months before I walk without crutches. Years maybe before I'm back to the way I was before… or close.”

Eddie clenches his free hand around the steering wheel, like Steve clung to that stupid handrail earlier. White-knuckled and pale-faced, jaw locked tight as he struggled to take a few shaky steps. Not for the first time, he wishes that he'd been faster, pulled him out sooner-

“Eds.”

He snaps back to the present as if pulled by a bungee rope. Steve’s eyes are warm and soft.

“Stop it,” he says, gentle and firm and so very strong, so very Steve. Eddie needs to swallow against the sudden thickness clogging his throat. “You've nothing to hold against yourself. You saved me.”

“You saved yourself,” Eddie huffs, eyes stubbornly trained on the snowy road. “I helped, is all. You can do this, too. You'll be walking in no time, you just wait.”

“Dunno,” Steve mutters. He sounds so small, so broken, so very much not like himself, and Eddie wishes he could resurrect Vecna, simply to kill him again. Make it more painful this time, let him suffer like he made them suffer. “You saw me just now. Feels like I need to fight forever for every little inch of success.”

“Let's make a deal?”

The words are out before Eddie can think better of it, but the sadness on Steve’s face has given way to curiosity, so he shoulders on.

“We could make it a new year's resolution. If you manage to walk by … July, let's say, I'll quit smoking.”

“Oh, please!” Steve's eyebrow quirks. “As if you could.”

“Of course I could. I'm tired of you whining about my cigarette breath anyhow. What's wrong, big boy? Scared of getting your ass handed to you?”

“Fuck off,” Steve grouses, but his mouth is curling into a smile and his eyes are sparkling. “It's on, dude!”

“Hell, yeah!” Eddie makes no attempt at hiding his smug grin. Count on Steve’s competitive streak to win him over. “It's so on!”

*

“Oh God,” Steve squawks the second his hands lose contact with the crutches. “It's off. Eds, it's off, give’m here.”

“Nuh-uh!” Eddie dances a step back - not far, still close enough to catch Steve in case he falls, but far enough to keep the crutches out of reach. “Just give it a shot, c’mon. You got this.”

Over the distance between them, their eyes meet.

“I've gotcha.”

Steve's eyes light up and a small laugh bubbles from his throat.

And then he walks.

Eddie makes sure to stay a bit ahead, spouting a never-ending string of encouragement and jokes and sweet nonsense. Just keeps talking so that Steve can focus on something other than the fear and the doubt. Guides him with his voice like he's done before, like he'll keep doing for as long as Steve needs, as long as he wants.

The first steps are unsure and wobbly, but soon enough, Steve finds his footing. They've both kicked off their shoes, and the dry summer grass is brittle under their naked feet, the earth soft and warm. The sound of their footfalls mingles with the whirr of the cicadas in the grass, the rush of his own blood in his ears, their mingled laughter, a gorgeous, wonderful symphony of alive, alive, alive.

When Steve’s legs give out and he stumbles, Eddie is there. He cushions their fall with his own body and they go down in a tangle of limbs and laughter, lips meeting before they even hit the ground. The crutches go clattering somewhere to the side.

“I did it!” Steve gasps against his mouth, and Eddie can't tell if the sound is more laugh or more sob. “Shit, did you- did you see that? I did it!”

“You did it,” Eddie rumbles, hands in Steve's hair, kissing his lips and nose and eyes and anything he can reach between words. Both their cheeks are wet with tears, but they're good tears, finally good tears, and he can’t tell whose they are anymore. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that they’re alive, and here, and together. “Fuck yeah, you did, always knew you would. So strong, so amazing. Love you so much.”

Steve makes another sound, a raw thing so full of emotion it makes Eddie’s heart flutter, and crashes their lips together again, firmer, longer. Eddie sighs as a hesitant tongue coaxes at his lips, opens up, lets him in.

And then Steve groans and pulls back.

“What?” Eddie asks, insides twisting with worry. “Shit, did you hurt yourself? What-”

“‘m fine!” Steve wheezes, glancing up at him with watery eyes. “You just taste like an ashtray, is all.”

“Oh, c'mon!” Eddie grouses while Steve rolls off him, flops onto his back in the grass. “I had like half a cig this morning.”

“Half a cig too much, then,” Steve beams up at him, all glinting teeth and gold-streaked hair in the sunlight, eyes sparkling with mirth and alive, alive, alive. “I win.”

Eddie pouts. “What though? Can't remember agreeing on a prize, this was all fun and-”

One strong, nimble hand tangles in the collar of his shirt, pulls him in.

“Shut up and kiss me, ash breath.”

Eddie has never obeyed an order more gladly in his life.

All my holiday drabbles

[ochrearia]

RBG ART PROMPTS LIST

All of these are things I'm pulling from my Poly Propaganda fanfic series because there are an alarming amount of drawable parts, either super vague or super specific lets get it.

(THIS POST WILL BE UPDATED WITH EACH NEW PART THAT COMES OUT BY THE WAY)

Part One:

BF smacking his dumbass leg straight into a metal pole while he daydreams about smooching GF and Pico

BF confined to the bed with an ice pack on said pole-smashed leg like a doofus

Part Two:

3. Pico relenting to GF holding his head in her hands, pushing his cheeks into the touch

4. Yourself shaking BF by the shoulders (THINK, MARK) telling him to snap out of his stupid fears

5. Pico and GF littering BF's cheeks with kisses after the scare

Part Three:

6. "I'm going to kiss the shit out of you if you keep this up." "Maybe that's what I want, hitman."

7. Little spoon BF big spoon Pico

Part Four:

8. Pico flaunting his new chromatics with a smug ass look and a mic

9. BF and GF with flushed faces because Pico's voice is hot

10. Pico laughing his ass off because he's got simps for his voice

Part Five:

11. Pico and BF fighting over the TV remote like toddlers

12. BF being an asshole abusing the fact Pico is ticklish

13. GF happy and indulging in the laughter of her boys

14. Any one of the three laughing w/ the provided synesthesia-induced colors

Part Six:

15. Pico gently holding a """"sleeping"""" GF in his lap while he talks out loud about how he's grown to love her

Part Seven:

16. BF and Pico riled up and pissed about some prick insulting GF

17. GF using her demon wings and purr to cuddle and placate them both

18. Flustered Pico because BF and GF always gang up to tease him

Part Eight:

19. BF being held by Pico and GF while he rides out a bad day

Part Nine:

20. All of the kisses in this part honestly there's a handful

21. Goofy smile and happy Pico because he's got silly butterflies in his stomach while he gets kissies

Part Ten:

22. 3 tired idiots in their sleepwear trying to unpack boxes

23. Trio piled together on a blanket-less bed, BF and Pico using GF's arms as pillows

Part Eleven:

24. FRIDAY NIGHT PAMPERIN'

25. "You can't go from frat boy to horrendously homosexual in two seconds!" "Waaa waaa it’s called bisexuality you ginger homophobe, pick a struggle goddamn."

26. GF and Pico taking the wildest double takes after BF admits to loving hearing them laugh

27. Pico whacking the shit out of BF with a pillow for the prior comment

Part Twelve:

28. BF and GF holding onto Pico for dear life while a thunderstorm goes off outside

Part Thirteen:

29. Absolute menace BF abusing the fact Pico and GF get all hot bothered and weak to his neck kisses

30. GF and Pico turning the tables immediately in revenge flustering the fuck out of BF

Part Fourteen:

31. BF's dream sequence

32. Yourself helping BF calm down + hug + Silly Billy music box lullaby

33. GF telling Yourself she's proud of him (accidentally sets him on an immediate spiral to a breakdown)

Part Fifteen:

34. Literally any of the three struggling with being touch-starved. Pick one or all

Part Sixteen:

35. Pico having a mental crisis over possibly being in love with both BF and GF

36. GF and BF comforting Pico after his outburst-breakdown

37. "Wanna be in a poly relationship with us?" "I'm scared about being in a relationship again but yes, yes I want to so badly"

Part Seventeen:

38. CUDDLE SANDWICH.

39. Pico hugging BF and/or GF like it's his last second alive

40. BF and GF joke fighting over who'd get to keep Pico in their pocket

Part Eighteen:

41. BF and GF dancing all silly in golden hour light

42. "My heart. My home. Together you are both, two people together as one. Where my love lies."

43. BF kissing the breath out of Pico

44. Stupid lovesick idiot snuggle pile

Part Nineteen:

45. Pretty tooth gap smile Pico

46. BF menace-ry

47. Puppy dog eyes GF

Part Twenty:

48. GF with her demonic features out being a hot girlboss

49. Dumbfounded BF having the hots for GF lmfao. Pico "Close your mouth BF fuck's sake"

50. Literally any part of the flirting. Jesus christ.

Part Twenty-One:

51. Koala-bear cuddly Pico

52. BF and GF reminiscing, also trying to get their stupid ginger to SLEEP DAMMIT

Part Twenty-Two:

53. Cherryblast kisses

54. BF dumbass smoking cigarettes and being distracted by random trinkets

55. BF MELTING TO UNDER-JAW KISSES

Part Twenty-Three:

56. Yourself/Silly Billy sticking halfway out the mirror talking to BF

57. BF absolutely yapping about being in love like a FREAK

58. Pico and GF in an absolute trance because Boyfriend.XML yaps. Literal heart eyes

Part Twenty-Four:

59. GF in BF's shirt

60. BF in Pico's sweater

61. Pico being an absolute sucker for both of them

Part Twenty-Five:

62. Pico and Nene about to kill the shit out of each other

63. "I DO NOT HAVE A LOVERBOY VOICE" -Pico, lying,

64. Darnell and Nene just being amused as fuck over how lap-dog core their friend has become

65. But in the same vein D and N are secretly really happy for Pico so it works out

Part Twenty-Six:

66. Pico losing it over the realization his two special someones trust him with their lives

67. Demon weighted blanket GF for Pico

68. BF spouting "I love you" over and over to the sleeping Pico in his arms

Part Twenty-Seven:

69. Pico calling BFGF freaks and attacking them /silly

70. BFGF with knowing looks watching Pico lean into their hands without thinking about it

Part Twenty-Eight:

71. Hypothetically, RGB existing as space debris for the rest of their lives, because they'd rather be together than alone

72. BF singing without his auto-tune microphone and absolutely enamoring GF and Pico

73. Pico kissing the knuckles of BF's hand because he would be a hand kisser.

Part Twenty-Nine:

74. Pico drowning in his own guilt and fear of being controlling over BF and GF

75. Yourself and Pico staring each other down like the stubborn shits they are

76. BF and GF terrified while Pico breaks down in their arms because seeing him upset makes them upset too

Part Thirty (M FOR SEXUAL CONTENT):

77. I mean it's just 1.8k words of body worship as of last update. Just any part of it tbh. Pico gets fucked up by GF and BF LMAOOOO

Part Thirty-One:

78. Pico completely asleep and being GF's personal teddy bear

79. GF using her magic to remove her offending musical emotions out of her head and glaring at them in the air

80. Pico having a heart attack over the form of how GF sees him, holding it to his chest and being so fucking in love

81. Pico also exploding into a blush because BF and GF kiss his musical self

Part Thirty-Two:

82. BF cuddled up against Pico's sweater nuzzling his nose in it

83. GF and Pico sad/angry that the world taught BF his birthday wasn't important

Part Thirty-Three:

84. Pico just horrendously collapsed on the couch because he can no longer move bitch is TIRED

85. BF CARRYING PCIO BRIDAL STYLE WHILE HE YELLS ABOUT NOT NEEDING TO BE CARRIED (he does)

86. Shy Pico soaking in the hot bath when BF and GF beg him to let them take care of him

87. All three of them in bed, Pico's nose pushed into BF's thigh while GF rubs his bare back in comfort

88. Pico squeezing the life out of an M-Raptor plushie

89. Freckle kisses...

Part Thirty-Four:

90. GF "I want to hold", BF "I want to be held", Pico "Both"

91. Pico losing the war against being sappy

92. GF in the kitchen with her scented candle hoard

Part Thirty-Five:

93. Pico singing to a "sleeping" BF

94. BF and GF arguing like an old married couple over who gets to be serenaded by Pico while he just sits there dying of embarrassment

95. Pico giving in and singing to both of them

Part Thirty-Six:

96. BF and GF flirting with each other calling each other pretty

97. A dozing Pico, comforted by his partners being flirty and loving behind him

98. Pico getting 3 seconds of victory by making BF blush calling him a pretty boy

99. GF giving Pico chin scritches that he enjoys far too much

100. BF getting Pico back, calling him a pretty boy and making him red in the face instead

Part Thirty-Seven:

101. Koala-Bear Pico with GF while she sleeps and he cuddles her for comfort

102. BF with Pico in his arms, petting comforting patterns into his back and singing the song "i5 pt. 2" to him with his real voice

103. Hypothetical post-fic trio cuddle pile where they're all tangled up in each other

Part Thirty-Eight:

104. Full demon mode GF with the black and red monarch butterfly patterned wings

105. Demon GF's lavender skin glowing with magic as she leaks the song of her emotions out into the air

106. Hurt/Comfort on the balcony, GF crying while clinging to BF and Pico

107. RGB back in bed cuddling with GF in the middle this time, for once

Part Thirty-Nine:

108. I mean. It's literally just about PicoBF and PicoGF makeouts... Staring directly into the camera like it's the office

109. But also BF calling Pico a "Needy Little Thing" on purpose

Part Forty:

110. More YS and BF shenanigans

111. BF bouncing around like an excited puppy about his poem

112. Pico not being able to Handle Poetry Written About Him

113. Storm of Demon Kissies for the boys!!!

[finniestoncrane]

deeply personal and pointless whinge here but i need to get it out before therapy so i can verbalise my thoughts properly

very tired today, very sick of being autistic? i'm not officially diagnosed but i'm as fucking good as, and while it is nice to know there's a "reason" for why i am the way that i am, it doesn't change that i'm hindered in every way

it's fine to tell myself "ok just? focus on being normal and good and pick yourself up" but it's very hard

i'm so fed up of the ruminations, the rejection sensitivity, the socialising panic, the exhaustion, the body aches, the lack of will to do anything because it's so tiring and difficult

i'm done with reading into everything too far, i'm tire of struggling through everything, i'm so bored of being talked down to or feeling like i'm an idiot or feeling like i'm a child

i'm 31 next week and i don't feel like an adult. everyone else seems to have it down but i don't? everyone at work talks down to me and i wonder if they'd do that if i hadn't told them i was autistic? or would they just sense it in me? i'm not bad at my job, but i need guidance and structure and better environments, but i can't advocate for myself because i find it so difficult

and the comorbidities or whatever? now my therapist doesn't know if i actually have anxiety or whether it's undiagnosed adhd. i can't tell if i'm depressed or if it's autistic burnout. i just know i'm a little bit wonky

just very bored of being a subpar human being because i can't make my own brain do what i want it to do when everyone else seems to be able to (which i know is not the case but it just feels like that sometimes y'know?)

i'm also getting real fed up of my brain finding unfair things to focus on. i'm so uncomfortable at work but my coworker gets to only be in the office one day a week while i have to be in twice? and this same coworker keeps treating me like an idiot but she's provided me with no training. and she also is very hot and cold with me, which i find so so so so difficult. i just feel like a complete failure today and it's really difficult to pick things back up after the morning i've had

i just want to be comfortable. i'm so proud of myself as an autistic adult that i have managed to find a job and keep it and do acceptably in it, but it's hard. i'm proud that i push myself to be sociable even when i don't feel like it because i know people deserve the best me i can be. but my fucking GOD i am at my limits ;-;

[yanderes-galore]

Jason Todd (Arkham version) with the prompts 31 and 50 (both from rednsuch prompt list)? A scenario, of course. Maybe with reader being a hero working with Batman or a villain, whichever sounds more interesting to you!

Yay! More Jason Todd :) Sure! Idk if you wanted him as Arkham Knight or Red Hood so I just did Arkham Knight.

Prompts Found Here!

Yandere! Arkham! Jason Todd/Arkham Knight Prompts 31 + 50

"You must be remembering wrong."

"Fuck laws, you're mine and I'll do anything i can to let everyone know it."

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Manipulation, Trauma, Kidnapping, Threats, Violence, Murder mention, Stalking, Angst, Branding mention, Obsession, Swearing.

You two should've been enemies. He, as the Arkham Knight, worked with Scarecrow. You, another poor lamb to Batman's slaughter, worked with the bat himself.

Oh you poor soul....

You're naive. You had a similar goal to him for the longest time, protect Gotham by preventing crime. You should know it's impossible...

Crime runs too thick in the blood of Gotham to be purged.

It was strange how much you mirrored his ambition. You were like him before this city tainted him. Before his mentor left him to die.

Batman is not the hero here, you aren't doing anyone any favors by staying with him. He wasn't sure why he liked you. Did he envy you and the other heroes taking his place?

Maybe he just wanted to hurt the old man even more?

Was that why he did everything he could, despite Scarecrow's wishes, to go toe to toe with you? To insult your loyalty? To defame Batman's legacy in front of you?

He found it funny how you jumped to defend him! Did he not tell you any of his failures? Especially not about Jason Todd?

No... because why would he?

You have no idea that Batman would sacrifice you if he needed to. You look so innocent when defending your mentor. He's not the good guy here, baby...

No one is.

He made it a goal to hit Batman where it hurts. You were the key to that. Just his type, too....

It was almost all a perfect mirror of that night. You tied to a chair in rope with the Arkham Knight standing over you. Just like Joker and little naive Jason Todd.

"Looks like the baby bird fell out of the tree..."

He taunts, circling your tied figure.

"He won't help you. That bat can't be trusted with shit."

"What makes you say that!? Why do you hate him so much!?"

"Why? Oh, you poor naive robin...."

He stops in front of you, staring at you through his visor.

"He isn't perfect like you think."

You struggle, gritting your teeth. Even that rebellion of yours... he used to be like that. Until he saw the truth....

"He's a hero!"

"You must be remembering wrong."

The Arkham Knight scoffs, leaning closer.

"He's a failure, just some guy in a mask, he thinks he's helping this city. He can't, you can't, he can't save anyone."

He chuckles to himself, tapping his helmet.

"I'm living proof, baby."

"Who do you think you are..."

"Someone meant to put the bat in his place."

He pulls away before you try anything. He was wearing some pretty high tech armor. You knew you couldn't take him down in your current situation unless you got the upper hand-

"Does the name 'Jason Todd' ring any bell?"

You pause your planning to stare at him in shock. That name sounded familiar.... Batman never liked bringing it up but you did hear of the... incident.

"Based on that expression, I suppose you have. It's adorable, by the way.... Both your expression and emotions are too cute."

"Cut it out. What do you know about him?"

"You'll never get this secret out to Batman but... I'm him."

"And I'm supposed to trust you?"

"Well, you trust Batman, do you not? What makes you think you can trust him?"

"Shut up...! What the hell do you want!?"

"Thought you'd never ask!"

Jason Todd, as you're supposed to believe, pulls another chair in front of your tied one. You could tell he was keeping you in a warehouse. Where exactly was unknown.

"You and me aren't too different. When I was younger, I acted the same to Batman. I'd defend him to the end. Then, I grew up. With the help of torture, death, and resurrection...."

He tightened his fist. You saw he was recalling a painful set of memories but could only sit back and listen. He did seem like the real deal... so Jason wasn't dead? He was now a criminal?

"Now I got this gig for Scarecrow after awhile. I met you and decided you were the key to my vengeance. I'm going to make Batman lose another...."

His helmet snaps up to you.

"Just like me, he'll lose you. Then I can watch him suffer. He'll always know he can't save me, or you...."

"You're going to kill me?"

"No...."

"Then what?"

There's a long pause before Jason continues.

"While we fought, while I tracked you down... our similarities struck with me. You could say, I fell for you. Maybe I got so obsessed with vengeance through you, I became obsessed with you. I'll just stage your death in the exact way I died. It gets the message across... and I get to keep you."

This... confession of his disturbed you. Made you sick, even.... What did he think this was? Some Enemies to Lovers trope? He wasn't even trustworthy....

"Hell no.... You'll get thrown in jail. This is against the law. Batman will-"

"Still on the hero schtick, huh?"

Jason stands up fast from his chair, towering over you.

"Fuck laws, you're mine and I'll do anything I can to let everyone know it."

He holds your chin up with a grip so tight you thought he'd break it. You struggle though he doesn't allow it. You thought he'd hurt you, hit you and beat you until you stop resisting, yet he doesn't.

He was either better than that or had self-control.

"Once he thinks he lost you, I'll brainwash you into joining my cause. Then he can see you and me, the two failures of his, taunting him. From this point on... everyone in Gotham will know you belong to me. There's nothing they can do about it. Hell, nothing YOU can do about it."

He huffs, removing his helmet in front of you. Your eyes widen at the 'J' scar on his face. He sees you look and only grins.

"Oh, don't worry..."

He holds your whole face and leans closer.

"By the time I'm done with you, you'll have a whole lot more than just a brand on that skin of yours."

[eddiediaaz]

help me figure out my personal/profesionnal life (jk i'm just feeling messy and curious because i seriously don't know what to fucking do)

for context: i've been working successfully in the vfx industry since 2016. unfortunately, following the (much needed) hollywood strikes last summer, the industry was shaken. then, as the vfx industry was slowly starting to get up from the 2023 strikes, my government (quebec, canada), decided to cut much needed tax credits/funding for the industry. this decision was announced only a month ago (june 2024), which means the industry will not get better and will actually mostly die out, because it relied a lot on this funding to support the artists' salaries. it's estimated that only 20% of jobs will remain in the province where i live by 2025 (i myself have been unemployed for 6 months now). i am not a senior artist, so i would struggle finding a job with so little openings and multiple artists fighting for the same opportunities. i like working in the industry, the money is good enough for me and the projects can be interesting. but it's also a lot of overtime work sometimes, and it's quite a volatile industry since it's not regulated/unionized.

even more context: i'm 31, i have no money, no savings, a few k's of credit/film school debt left to pay, and that kind of "specialized" work i did for 7 years (vfx compositing) is a bit too niche to be applied to another job, to be honest. the two main options are to follow the industry somewhere else in canada (like vancouver or toronto, which are both a lot more expensive than my current city), or even london and especially australia; or start over with a new career. moving sounds fun and quite daunting, but i also don't have much money, no family outside of my province, and i have 3 cats to think about. there's also the possibility to keep working in the film industry but to do something else. which would also require to restart from the almost bottom. i also have no clue what kind of job/career i wanna do if not vfx, but i'm trying to stay open minded about it. what would you do?

[puppy-wife]

I told my partner last night that I had a recent realization. Growing up was fucking hard, y'all. I was the oldest son in a deeply religious family, who was born out of wedlock. My dad, who adopted me when he married my mom, was the youth pastor for our church. They divorced when I was 10, and they both were single parents who fell apart. I had to grow up fast, I had younger siblings to care for. My stepdad was abusive, and I was treated as less than, and spent my entire four years of high school under near constant punishment. I eventually fled from home at 19, was homeless for a bit. Had my heart broken. Became lightly alcoholic. Got married to an abuser. Got out after 5 years. PTSD, DID, Anxiety, all the trauma from growing up queer and closeting so harshly I didn't even come out to any of my friends until I was 25. I've struggled with depression and su*c*dal thoughts, ideations, and desires almost my entire life.

I realized yesterday, while laying in the sun filtering through the open window, a joint in my hand and wrapped in the arms of my lover, I'm happy. It took me 31 and a half years, moving 2800 miles from home, and cutting most ties with my family... I realized that I'm actually afraid to die now. I don't want to kill myself, or imagine some accident hospitalizing me or taking me out for me. I want to live. Life has become so beautiful for me, I actually want to stay alive so I can see and experience more of it. I want to see my future, I want to build a home, I want to grow old with my friends and chosen family. I love my body. I've never been able to say that before. I told my partner these things, and they looked at me like I was the sunrise after a stormy night. I've never felt so much love than I have from them.

He said, "If you had a therapist right now, she would tell you that this is a huge milestone, and you should celebrate. I love you."

It gets better. It gets better. Things will suck along the way, and they'll even suck once you find that happiness. But you just keep pushing, just take the next step. Always the next step. Don't stop until you find it. It gets better.

I love you.

[nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx]

Helpless part 31

Hazel and Reyna ran into the infirmary,

"Where is he?" right after she said that Will stepped outside the room,

"Well if you're looking for Nico he's here. Also one at a time, normally these conversations go better with one person." Will walked back inside, Hazel following closely behind him.

"So are you going to tell me what happened or....?"

"Didn't Percy?"

"He just told us it was to do with Nico and that he was in the infirmary and we might want to try and get here."

"Well... you'll see..."

"The fuck happened Will?! Do I need to kill someone?"

"No... umm..." Hazel stepped into the room, not waiting for Will to finish his sentence.

"Nico!"

"Oh.. Hey Hazel."

"What happened?"

"Ah... well... I mean." He tried to keep his voice stable but couldn't finish the sentence.

"Do you want to tell her or should I?"

"I'll do it just can we-?"

"Yeah sure." Hazel sat on the bed next to him as Will left the room,

"Nico what happened?"

"Well, I- I tried to...unalive... myself" He said unable to hold back the single tear that fell from his eye. Hazel pulled him into a hug, wrapping her arms around him, letting him fall onto her.

"You're going to be okay; Nico why didn't you tell me before?"

"I didn't want you worrying, I'm used to struggling." Hazel messed up his black hair,

"Talk to me, please Nico. If you need help tell someone."

"I'm sorry."

"Shh... You don't need to apologise." Hazel held him as he sobbed into her chest,

"Why did you travel half way across America on such short notice?"

"Well, Percy didn't actually tell me what had happened when he called but from what we heard from him and Jason now is that there was a very high chance of you dying. We needed to know what happened."

"Sorr-"

"-don't apologise."

"Oh Haze, what did everyone think when I killed the bitch that hurt you?"

"Well, let's just say no one will be trying that again, especially after I punched a guy after he said you were insane. Now they think we're both crazy but they don't give me any shit."

"I proud of you for punching the guy." Nico said running his hands through Hazel's curly hair, she smiled in appreciation.

"Nico, you'll tell me when somethings happening right? Or just anyone."

"I'm trying, it's just- everything... everything feels like it's out to break me."

"Dying isn't much better, you spend every second there wishing to be away from it, it's worse than it seems Nico. It's like re-living your life until you become numb to it, until you can't stand anything anymore. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go there." Nico kissed her on the cheek, unable to finding the right words to say to his younger sister so they sat there in silence for a few minutes until she eventually got up. "Reyna wanted to talk to you, she was worried sick on the way." She said walking walking out the door.

***

______

Who's still here?

[find-roronoa-zoro]

Roronoa Zoro X CisFem Reader

31

"Dump me?" Zoro stood in the doorway.

The look on his face sent your gut straight through the floor.

"No, Tiger... You didn't come in at the right part of the conversation." your mouth was suddenly a desert.

"I'm not sure there was a right part of the conversation F/N." he crossed his arms, "Why is our relationship such a hot topic in the Newgate house?"

"We're just gonna..." Sabo trailed off as he scooted passed you dragging Marco with him.

"L-lets go to the den," you suggested, "I can explain."

He followed you to the next room, arms still crossed, a stern expression you'd never been the cause of plastered on his face.

"I was just nagging my brother's about the fact that they have no gray hair." you self-consciously ran your fingers over the braid draped over your left shoulder, "Marco, well, you know how he is..."

"I thought we were passed the age gap." he interrupted.

"W-we are.. I am - " you stammered surprised by his demeanor. 

That tone was new too.

It made you uneasy.

"How many times do I have to say it doesn't bother me? Who cares what other people say?" he remained still and guarded.

Your heart had begun to race - you inhaled deeply to try and catch your nervous breath.

"I - I know."

"I don't think you do know. Why can't you just take my word?" he scoffed, "I'm not a child, F/N."

"What?" you looked up at him with wide eyes, "I know that..."

"Then don't treat me like one!" his raised voice made you shrink, "You're supposed to tell me how you feel so I can help. How are we partners if you keep it to yourself?"

"Ok, that's fair." you raised your hands, "I know insecurities are bothersome."

"Who cares? I'm here to get you passed them, right?"

Oh man, you didn't deserve him at this moment.

The entire time you were upset about people staring and their judgment, Zoro was there too. He'd been there to prove them wrong while you let it eat you up.

He'd heard his fair share of sugar mama jokes and endured Marco's left handed remarks, but none of that mattered because at the end of the day you were there. You knew he worked hard for what he had and he didn't feel the need to prove it to anyone else. So, why were you so hung up on this?

"I'm sorry," you murmured stepping closer to him.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his messy hair, "I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean by that?" tears were already stinging the edges of your eyes.

"If this is going to continue to be an issue, I don't want to get any deeper than I already am." his chest felt like it was caving in.

It was completely silent for what felt like an eternity.

"Tiger -" your voice was barely a whisper.

"I... I think we need a break." his ears were ringing.

"No... No, please." it felt like your heart had just vanished while you struggled to speak through your tears.

He kissed your forehead and briskly stepped out of the room. He was completely unprepared for this conversation and to see you fall apart. It felt like his insides had just been sucked into a void.

What the fuck did he just do?

Sabo watched Zoro practically sprint out of the house. He turned down the hall hearing you sputter.

"What just happened?" the blonde asked entering the den to find you crying.

"Marco..." you whimpered covering your face, "please?"

The younger blonde turned swiftly into the hallway finally processing what was happening.

"Marco!" he shouted up the stairs on his way through the house, "F/N needs you in the den, now!"

Sabo didn't wait for a response as he continued outside. The screen door slammed against the door jamb while he halted seeing Zoro's truck already headed down the street.

"What the hell was that?" Ace questioned rounding the side of the house from the garage, "He was cursing and punched a dent into the side of his truck."

Sabo's green eyes swayed to his brother as he sighed, "I think he just broke up with F/N."

"Hey," Marco murmured calmly holding you on the sofa in the den, "try to take a breath. You'll pass out at this rate - yoi."

You leaned into his side and focused on taking a full breath through your sobs. Marco rubbed comforting circles over your back and shushed you gently. He hadn't seen you like this in a long time. The last six months were full of heartbreak, he hated that you had to work so hard to hold on to what good moments you were given. He also realized his roll in what had just taken place.

"I'm sorry, yoi."

You shook your head and looked up at him, "It's my fault. I-I was too in my head about it."

"I made it harder though," he sighed, "I just didn't want him to be in it for the wrong reasons, yoi."

This proved in the most unfortunate way that he wasn't.

Harping on the age difference provided unnecessary strain. Marco didn't want that for you.

"Is everything ok?" Sabo's voice drew your attention to the doorway where he stood with Ace holding a tray, "Here, we thought you might need these."

The boys crossed the room handing you a warm damp cloth to soothe your puffy eyes. There was also headache medicine and water. They knew you well, crying always made your head hurt.

"It's not ok," you sat up to accept what they'd brought, "but I'll figure it out."

"Why would he do that?" Sabo dropped down next to you while Ace took a seat on the floor.

"Yeah, you can't just dump someone because of one fight." your freckled brother added.

"It wasn't a fight really," you sniffled pressing the warm cloth to your eyes, "it was a major issue that I should have worked out but didn't."

Sabo sighed disappointed remembering your conversation back in December about dating younger than you. Your concern was that he wouldn't be able to handle it, and here you were not handling it.

"Should we talk to him?" Ace asked, "I mean he'll be around, he's Luffy's best friend."

"Nope, please just leave it. I don't know what to do, but I don't want any drama." you huffed having finally collected yourself as best you could.

Your head was fuzzy and throbbing and you couldn't really keep a realistic grasp on what was going on. The absolute love of your life just stormed out because you were being a child. Not your greatest moment, but you had to redeem yourself and fix it.

How?

________________

"Oh man, you're an idiot." the redhead chuckled flipping his shot glass over and waving the bar tender back over, "keep 'em coming."

The greenette next to him huffed and leaned on the bar resting his head in his palm.

"Shut up."

The bar tender placed two more shots down in front of them.

"Hey, it's alright. I mean I was stupid and dumped her too - a couple of times." Shanks held up the glass.

"I'm not like you." Zoro muttered ignoring the redhead's gesture and downing his bourbon.

Shanks scoffed, "Right, well doctor heart stealer will probably swoop back in - he's been waiting." he slapped a hand across Zoro's back annoyingly hard, " Ya had a good run kiddo."

"I gotta get out of here." the greenette stood to leave ignoring Shanks.

[softpine]

hi brandi!! i might be wrong but i have a half memory of you writing up a text post or an ask reply that detailed everything we know about finns case/the timeline leading up to his death so far - would you be able to relink it or pin it somewhere please!! i'm trying to cross reference the dates of the journal entries to prev things finns said etc hehe

ahh i feel like i remember this too, but i can't find it for the life of me!! i'm wondering if maybe i was just talking about the wiki? because i wrote up a giant article for finn's page in the wiki (which is still unfinished i'm sorryyyyy) but i don't know if i ever posted it publicly?

either way, here's a timeline of finn's whole life so i won't spoil anything by telling you what is or isn't important :P

1963 - donald atwood, richard's father, dies. he was an abusive man, particularly to his wife, bessie.

april 19, 1970 - finn is born to richard and lucy atwood.

1973 - due to financial struggles, finn lives with his grandma bessie for a year. she would've been happy to take care of him longer, but richard finds a better job at the factory and takes him back.

1974 - the atwoods start renting the house we've seen finn grew up in. it was split into four units. the atwood family were on the bottom left floor, the porter family (chris, his wife, and their son steven) were living in the bottom right half. the two units above them were frequently cycling through tenants.

1975 - with richard and chris being neighbors and working together at the factory, they become close friends. they were both heavy drinkers before they met, but it escalates into addiction. this is also when the abuse begins. it starts as neglect rather than purposeful violence (such as finn being locked out of the house during a blizzard).

1978 - grandma bessie dies. she left finn an expensive cross necklace which he wears hidden under his shirt so it won't be stolen. due to a combination of richard's grief over losing his mother + no longer having her around to keep him in check and watch out for finn, he loses his temper more often and this is when the physical abuse begins.

1980 - finn starts formulating a plan to run away. he wants to live with his aunt & cousin (on lucy's side) in new york, and he thinks if he can just get away, his parents won't care enough to take him back. he finds a boy scout's uniform and starts going door to door selling chocolate, running errands, doing odd jobs, and stealing money when he can get away with it.

july 9, 1981 - chris hits steven for the first time. no one knows it at the time, but this is a turning point not just for steven, but also for finn. this is around the time when they make promises to each other that they're never going to drink, never going to have kids, and as soon as they leave home, they're never coming back.

october 31, 1981 - finn describes this halloween as "the last good day".

early november, 1981 - chris porter gets a better job and moves his family to the suburbs, where steven starts making friends with the other kids. he's cruel to finn at school because he wants to distance himself from the reputation they shared.

december 23, 1981 - officer tim andrews arrests richard for a few small charges like public intoxication. he's very familiar with the atwood family and has been looking for any opportunity to arrest him for a while now. finn thinks he's creepy and hates how andrews is always getting involved in his business and trying to act friendly with him. finn bails his dad out of jail with his secret money (but what he doesn't say in his journal is that he stole that money from his upstairs neighbors while they were moving out).

january 6, 1982 - finn gets into a physical altercation with steven and another classmate. in reality, the two boys jumped him while he wasn't paying attention, and he calls it "fucking bullshit" that he got suspended for fighting back. even the teacher who broke up the fight wonders if this was a "coordinated effort" between the boys, but finn still gets punished.

this is around the time when paint it black takes place.

january 29, 1982 - after a month of listening to officer andrews offer to help him, finn decides to accept and ask him for a ride to his aunts house. notably, he calls him "tim" in his journal entries, which could be to disguise his identity or because he's gotten more comfortable with him. he writes that he'll do whatever it takes, "even if tim wants money or something else" (finn genuinely thought he was a predator, in case you didn't pick up on that), but we know the only thing tim asked for in return was for finn to never tell anyone that he was the one who drove him away. he agrees. (we also know that in an alternate universe, officer tim andrews did drive finn to new york, which is how NYC griffin survived.)

february 3, 1982 - finn writes in his journal: "I'm sorry Dad, I'm sorry to God for what I did" next to a blood stain. this is the date asa was looking for, so clearly something traumatic happened here which we'll see soon. it's also the last time finn writes in his journal.

march 8 through 11, 1982 - a red or black truck is seen circling the area of l'eau state park. this is only reported much later, so eyewitness accounts are conflicting. the truck may have been painted black after the crime.

march 12, 1982 - richard and finn had planned to go on an overnight hunting trip l'eau state park, but lucy had the day off work, so she decided to come with them. she started inviting their friends and it suddenly became "the worst kind of party". if things had gone according to plan, finn would have waited until his dad was asleep, then taken his bag (with all his saved money inside) and ran to meet officer tim andrews, where he waited in his (red? black? neither? truck). but everyone was still awake and partying at this point. the last thing finn remembers is leaving his bag & money behind, and making a run for the woods.

late at night on march 12, 1982 - chris porter, who attended the party at the camp site, arrives home drunk, soaking wet, and covered in mud. he gets agitated with steven, who later says that his dad was never the same after this night.

noon on march 13, 1982 - lucy atwood wakes up to find that finn is missing. she finds his bag still in the tent, so she assumes he's gone wandering. hours later, when he still hasn't come back, she and richard find the nearest payphone. first, richard calls chris porter, hoping finn had gone to see steven, but no one answers the phone. lucy calls her sister, etta, because she knows if finn ran away, that's the first place he'd go. etta doesn't know anything about finn's escape plan and urges lucy to report him as missing immediately. however, lucy and richard decide to search for finn themselves for many hours first. they're afraid they'll lose custody of finn if anyone knew their child ran away while they were drinking and doing drugs. they hide any indication of the party. in the evening, when they haven't found any sign of finn, they finally call the police.

march 14 - 18, 1982 - search teams are sent looking for finn. he never shows up at his aunt's house. officer andrews, of course, does not tell anyone about his and finn's plans – we have no idea what he does or doesn't know about that night. he could've driven away after finn was a no-show, he could've been the one who killed him, he could've seen someone else killing him, etc. no one knows. after only a few days, searches are called off due to weather (a mix of rain and snow). richard and lucy continue to do public appeals for their son, though they're quickly becoming the most hated people in the state.

march 27, 1982 - finn's body is found by a fisherman at l'eau state park. finn's parents are informed of this while live on tv. due to the cold weather, finn's body is not badly decomposed, but he was beaten so extensively that he was unrecognizable. this was not an accident. his body almost appeared to be posed, with his legs straight but his arms spread open like a cross. this is why he was given the nickname "angel of the bay" while they awaited confirmation of his identity. additionally, the cross necklace he wore was upside down on his chest. this, in the climate of satanic panic, lead many to believe he was the victim of a satanic cult killing. a lot of evidence was either never collected or was poorly preserved or outright lost/destroyed, especially once the case started to go cold.

(we know that 90s griffin survived the attack because he jumped off a cliff and played dead – this is the advice that time-traveling asa gave him, and it worked. he was unable to move, so he remained there for days before being rescued. he doesn't know / doesn't want to remember who attacked him.)

april 1982 - the police finally start conducting interviews with anyone finn knew. the problem is, it's been weeks since finn was killed and everyone's memory has gotten fuzzy. for instance, they want to find out if any of finn's classmates were absent from school and/or visibly injured the day after his death, but no one can remember. investigators have no idea about the party, and none of richard or lucy's friends are saying anything at all. steven lies and says his dad was home all night. basically no one is telling the truth, and even if they think they are, there's a huge chance they're misremembering things. the case goes cold. lucy and richard move away.

around this time, finn "wakes up" as a ghost. it's too painful for him to stay around his parents, so instead, he follows his cousin liz around in new york. it frustrates him that he can't talk to her, so he starts acting out, throwing things, etc. liz begins hearing his voice, then seeing glimpses of him, then seeing full blown apparitions. but it wasn't just finn; she started seeing other ghosts too. it scared her so badly that she told her mom about it, who encouraged her to seek help. finn felt bad and decided to leave her alone at this point. he got lost in "the nowhere" and took a nap for like... 30 years.

2006 - tim andrews is now the sheriff. he announces that finn's case will be reopened with the hopes of using new technology to find the perpetrator. it seems promising at first, as finn's name is all over the news, but it doesn't take long for the case to stall again. so much evidence is unusable by this point.

2020 - chris porter is brought in for questioning once more. he says nothing new, but it clearly shakes him. he reaches out to his son, steven, one last time, to apologize for everything he put him through. then he drives to the nearest railroad tracks, sets his truck on fire on the road, then lays down in front of an oncoming train.

2021 - steven dies of liver failure due to alcoholism. finn was able to be there for his last moments. steven tells him he named his son (who passed away years ago) after him.

2023 - asa and elaine speak to the atwoods about finn's case.

and that's all for now! i say as if this wasn't an ENTIRE podcast script fjskdjs if you read this far, here's a cookie 🍪

[spikedsoul]

maid's worst nightmare - ch 31

and we're back! for now. it's a nightmare sequence, but it looks like some fears might be getting put to rest...

previous chapters

@sovereign-of-succ

You waved to your parents and the rest of your village as you climbed into the little canoe; it wobbled a little, but you managed to get settled without tipping it over or falling into the ocean.

"Bye mom, dad!" you called, picking up your oars. "I promise I'll keep in touch, okay? Bye!"

You were grinning from ear to ear as you began to row out into the vast ocean to start your journey. You had everything you needed: dried herbs and spices and a water filtration for fresh water. You were set! The world was now your oyster!

However, the farther you got from the shore, the more you felt that something was wrong. Not with you or your canoe, but rather with the home you just left.

Sure enough, as you strained your eyes toward the horizon you just left, a deep red glow lit up the sky - you could still see the tongues of flames that licked the sky.

Although your heart sank, a steely determination settled in your gut instead of the sadness you expected. You needed to prove to yourself and your parents that setting out on your own was a good idea! Damn it, how were you supposed to flourish when they'd been trying so hard to keep you chained up?!

No sooner had the thought crossed your mind than a pair of eyes breached the water's surface. You blinked at them.

"Hello?" You felt a little silly, but you spoke up nonetheless… the sea was lonely.

Instead of a cheep cheep like you were expecting, a large eel head popped up, toothy grin on its face.

"All by yourself, pretty woman?" the eel asked. The voice was familiar to you but you couldn't place it.

"Um…" you hesitated; it was pretty obvious you were by yourself. "...Yeah?"

"Do you want some company?" he offered.

"Sure, if you're not gonna eat me," you nodded.

The eel laughed and nudged your canoe lightly. "Well, then come on in, the water's fine!" he coaxed. "I'll even help you travel, but I can't do that unless you get out of your canoe."

Get out of your canoe?

"That doesn't sound safe. How will I eat or drink fresh water?" But you stowed your oars anyway.

"I'll take care of you," the eel promised. "Just get in the water with me and everything will be fine."

Longing to be around someone, you foolishly decided to listen - and you slipped over the edge into the salty water. No sooner had your head submerged than the eel began to pull you down deeper; you struggled, of course, the air in your lungs leaving you in large bubbles.

"Just take a breath, pretty woman, I promise you can breathe!" the eel encouraged.

Even as he spoke, he dragged you down deeper and deeper, further and further from the light near the top of the water. Finally you just had to scream - and found that while yes, you could in fact breathe, your chest felt tight and your voice didn't come out except in pitiful bubbles that no one could hear. Down, ever downward you were dragged, until you could barely see any light above you.

"That's it, you stupid slut," the eel hissed, "I'm not gonna eat you, but you're gonna wish I had!"

You cried out as the eel bit at you arms, your torso, your legs, but no sound escaped you. You felt the sting of a slap on your face, the throbbing pain of a broken wrist - the utter fear as he crushed your windpipe. You were drowning, but not from the water around you; the loneliness from before was back tenfold, your cries for help unheard and unanswered as the eel dragged you ever downward.

Just as the light began to totally fade and it felt like you would suffocate from the crushing pressure on your chest, the calming scent of woodsmoke and ash wafted over you. You stilled, trying to focus on your breathing.

The eel didn't like that one bit.

"What the fuck are you doing! Don't think you can run from me, whore, I'll hunt you down wherever you try to go!"

You watched calmly as the faint glint of stark white teeth came right at you. The eel was going to bite you again - and although it wasn't the first time, somehow you knew it would be the last.

The teeth were within inches of your face when out of the darkness beneath you, a bright light came shooting upward directly at the eel. The eel hissed loudly as it was rather violently thrown off its attack course, back into the darkness it lived in. But you knew it wasn't gone yet. Another bright ball of light appeared beneath you, and this time you looked down.

Beneath you was a massive, fanged beast that you had never met, his sharp fangs accentuated by the accumulating light of his next attack, his eyes glowing a fiery red that pierced through the darkness. Despite the terrifying size and silhouette, you knew instinctively that he was coming to save you.

As you focused on him, the eel went unnoticed, but the creature beneath you fired the ball of light just before the eel could strike you.

The eel screeched when the attack hit it; unlike last time, the eel exploded like a firework, forcing you to close your eyes with a cry of surprise. The smell of burning flesh hit your nose hard and you gagged. Luckily, you didn't have time to dwell before a soft noise had you looking down; t o your utter amazement, the world around you was now lit up, bright, beautiful, and surreal. The beast was slowly coming up, worried look on his face as he reached out to you, palm up for your hand. You could tell by his demeanor that he meant to spoil you after this, and already your heart was beginning to slow down. You reached out to take his hand.

Damn… how did you land such a wonderful boyfri–

[cherishedproperty]

Denial Diary - Part 1

At the beginning of January, Monsieur and I put new rules into place to increase my sexual arousal and his sexual control and ownership over me. So far this month I have had four orgasms (one during masturbation) with 20 days as my longest stretch of denial. I have touched myself nearly every day. I haven't experienced issues with depression or drop in sex drive like I've struggled with in the past.

But I have noticed some other interesting changes in both our dynamic and my own sexual desires. That's why I decided to keep a diary of my observations and feelings. What follows is a summary of our rule changes and entries I've written over the last month.

How the Rules Changed in January

The rules suspended limitations on how long Monsieur could go without giving me a full (unruined) orgasm and how long he could go without vaginal sex.

The rules created a requirement that I have to ask permission to orgasm during masturbation, which I did not have to do previously. While I am allowed three orgasms without permission (a "release valve" if it got to be too much), I have not used any.

I must spend at least 15 minutes each day sexually touching myself, with edging as the default.

All solo orgasms require some kind of anal stimulation (dildo, plug, etc.).

Every day Monsieur works, I must spend at least two hours plugged.

3 days since last orgasm (last orgasm: Dec 31) I'm finding it hard to sleep, and it's very hard not to orgasm during sex. But I'm feeling extra sweet and submissive, wanting to do extra things for him. We are extra loving, like the newlywed stereotype. We snuggle and kiss more. When I know I'm not going to cum, I feel more pleasure from his orgasm. I watch his face and body and just soak in everything about it.

5 days since last orgasm I look forward to my touch time now. It's almost meditative. It's really hard to stop though. Today he was home during my touch time, and I was a bit annoyed that he wanted to do sex things. I think it's because of the shift in headspace—from low-processing, quiet-brain edging to high-processing, active sexual service. I wanted him to come use me, but then I struggled with the shift.

6 days since last orgasm / orgasm day (Jan 6) He made me cum tonight while he fucked my ass. I thought I’d be emotional or sad or something, just from the overwhelming sensations and the loss of denial. But I wasn’t. It just felt like it was his choice to make. Not mine. Sometimes I cum. Sometimes I don’t. No need for me to feel one way or another about it.

1 day since last orgasm I'm surprised to see how horny I still am. I woke up eager for sex. He denied me multiple times this morning. When I got close, he would pull out and run his hands lightly over my body, waiting for me to settle. It brings such calm to me when he does that. It’s like I can feel him soaking in the energy of my denial. When he re-enters me, I feel soft and open and accepting. In some ways, it’s easier not to cum after he’s done that because my mind is more submissive. But then it doesn't take much before I am impossibly close again.

I am trying to get better about taking it and not cumming no matter what, so he can fuck me as hard as he wants without worrying about denying me. But I don’t know if that’s desirable? Maybe he wants me to still be unable to keep from tipping over unless he stops me. Not sure.

I've also started craving more pain. Today while I was edging my ass, he put Bengay on my clit and pussy lips. It burned. So much pain at first. But then I was humping the air, not sure how to handle so much stimulation. It felt better when he rubbed and then went back to pain when he stopped.

2 days since last orgasm Now when he's fucking me, he's started just repeating, "You do not cum. I cum, you do not cum." And then I don't. I'm not sure I want to anymore. I feel more special in some way, being his denied girl.

After he came in my pussy this morning, I cleaned his cock. The more I'm denied, the more I want to worship his cock. I want to hold it and kiss it and keep it in my mouth. Even when I kneel in the morning and before bed, I want to kiss it and feel his cock and balls against my face. It just feels right.

4 days since last orgasm He woke me up this morning with denial. There’s this strange duality now where I am so desperate to orgasm but also accept that I won’t. I feel more docile and obedient when he denies me. But sometimes during my touch time, I am so, so tempted to let myself go over the edge.

I’m also more turned on now when he touches my asshole. I had one day where I didn’t wear a plug for digestive reasons, and I missed it. And that night when his fingers grazed over my asshole, my arousal skyrocketed. I wanted him to fuck me there so badly. Yesterday I hoped he would unplug me and use my ass. This morning he grazed his fingers over my hole and told me how he couldn’t wait to fuck me there. And I really, really can’t wait either. Part of me hopes he’ll let me cum while he uses my ass. But part of me hopes he doesn’t.

I fantasize now that when he does let me cum, he ruins me. Badly.

6 days since last orgasm I am so easily distracted at work. I just want to keep edging. Or if I can’t edge, I want to fill my ass and clamp my nipples. When I know he’s coming home from work, all I can think about are his hands on me. I will need to get it under control so my work doesn’t suffer. But it’s so hard…

He lets me edge with his cock sometimes. I ride him until I get so, so close and have to lift myself off him. It’s like my body is fighting itself. The stronger part of me is resolute in pulling off his cock so I don’t cum. But there are ripples. Waves. A restrained part of me is still humping the air, looking for what was taken away.

7 days since last orgasm Edging is making me a pain slut. I tortured my nipples all day today, alternating between suction and clamps. And I wanted so, so much more. I keep thinking about him bruising me. Clamping my tits. Using Bengay or worse things to make me suffer. Hitting all the places I hate—my thighs, my pussy, my tits. I want to be really, really beaten.

He asked if I thought my body was just searching for some kind of release. I’m not sure. I think part of it is that I feel his ownership more strongly. Part is that the constant arousal makes it easier to take pain. Part is probably the amount of porn I’ve been consuming. All I know is I want it.

Now before we go to bed, he spends some time just pinching and rubbing my nipples. They are so sensitive now, but I want more.

8 days since last orgasm It’s getting easier not to cum during sex. He tells me I don’t cum, and then I don’t. I sort of dissociate from the stimulation a bit. That layer of mental separation feels like the only thing keeping me from orgasm.

During masturbation, it’s still really hard. I think because I control the stimulation, so I have to think about how good it feels and whether I need to stop myself. So I’m always very aware of the orgasm I could have in a matter of seconds if I just kept going…and then I stop. With sex, it’s easier just to accept that I won’t cum and then let my mind remain unfocused.

I’m a little worried that I won’t be able to cum when he decides to let me—at least during sex. If I keep my mind unfocused like this, I don’t let myself get too close. What if I build a mental block and then I can’t anymore?

Anytime I'm near him, I am thinking about his cock. This morning I woke up to him pushing his cock into my ass. He fucked me until he came, and then he plugged me. I will take his sexual touching any way I can get it now, but I crave anal so much. I find it hard to understand all those times when I found it intrusive or uncomfortable. It feels so natural now.

9 days since last orgasm Today after some hard edges and a brief impact session, I felt some sadness creeping in. Like a bit of the apathy that depression brings sometimes. It took me a while to come down from the edging. I couldn’t stop touching myself, running my fingers through his cum dripping out of me. But then when I did—when I finally came down, I just felt kind of…sad. The sadness hung around for part of the day. Maybe it was the combination of the impact and denial that made me drop a little. Maybe it’s starting to get to me. I’m not sure.

If he asked me, I still wouldn’t want him to let me cum. But I don’t choose.

I do wonder if he’s going to get bored of my constant neediness. His horniness tends to dissipate once he cums. And he cums every day now, sometimes multiple times. Right now it’s a novelty to fuck me so much. But what if he gets less horny overall because he’s so satisfied, and then he doesn’t really want to fuck or edge me? His attention to and appreciation of my denial is so important to me feeling connected and loved. What if he gets tired of it?

10 days since last orgasm This may be the longest I’ve ever gone without an orgasm, outside of illness or pregnancy or postpartum. It is almost definitely the longest I have been denied when I actually wanted an orgasm.

I felt that pleasant glowing buzz from edging this morning. It makes me feel like yesterday was just a version of drop.

I am obsessed with his balls now. I’ve never really felt one way or another about them before. But now I want to hold them and lick them and feel them against my face all the time. I want to curl up between his legs and cuddle with his cock and balls covering my face and nose. I want to give them little kisses every morning when I kneel and just inhale the scent of him. I want to hold his balls in my mouth and run my tongue over them, just keeping them warm. It’s a very primal urge.

I’m also obsessed with his cum. Last night he came on my chest, and I wanted to massage it into my breasts and play with my cum-covered nipples. So many sensations that I've never appreciated before.

13 days since last orgasm I am feeling more little now. Soft and needy and willing to follow anything he says. When he was fucking me earlier, I felt so wide-eyed and innocent. Docile and compliant. He tells me I don't need orgasms anymore, and I believe him. I would do anything to be his good girl. And when he edges me, I want to curl into him, resting my head against him. I feel fully open to my neediness now. He tells me it's freeing me to be my true self, and there's no need to be ashamed or hide that. And all of that makes me feel little. Fully trusting my Daddy to know what's best for me, and being completely unselfconscious in doing whatever feels good.

I’ve also been listening to more mind control conditioning audios, usually while I edge. Sometimes I listen while I run. They feel comforting, allowing me to maintain that buzz of arousal and reinforcing how good it is to be needy and obedient. Good girls exist for the pleasure of others. Good girls can't stop touching. Good girls like to play and obey. Just a mindless, dripping slut. When I listen, I can picture his face—the way he absorbs my need and denial, how he looks at me like I am so beautiful. I want to please him. The files I like best have girls repeating these mantras, and you can hear their needy moans in the background. I am one of those girls. I can feel it in the way my body reacts to listening.

17 days since last orgasm I think about his cock all the time. All the time. When I’m working, I’m thinking about his cock. When we’re watching a movie, I’m thinking about his cock. When we’re talking about politics, I’m thinking about his cock. I can’t get it out of my mind. I’m thinking about the soft skin against my face and lips. I’m thinking about how he feels in my ass. I’m thinking about the way he moans when he cums. I’m obsessed. Even right after he fucks me, I want my hand on his cock. Just to feel close to it. I’m sad now if I don’t get to make him cum.

It’s hard to want to do anything but edge and fuck. I don’t even want to work out because I’d rather be edging. When I do work out, I wear a flexible plug for a little extra stimulation. It’s getting distracting at work, too.

20 days since last orgasm Today I really, really wanted to cum. I had new toys and the time for a long edging session, and I almost asked to cum. It really surprised me since I’ve been really immersed in denial. But the need was just different today.

21 days since last orgasm / orgasm day (Jan 26) He made me cum twice today during anal. It’s his choice if I cum, not mine. And he wanted me to, so I did. The relief of not having to hold back was so strong that I just went limp there for a bit. Then at bedtime, he touched me again, and I was surprised to still find myself so needy. It was a relief. I do wonder if anal doesn't quite "scratch the itch", even if I do orgasm. I seem to remember it felt that way during the anal-only period at the beginning of our relationship.

Another orgasm day (Jan 27) He allowed me an orgasm during masturbation today. After nearly a month without making myself cum, it was honestly amazing. I could feel the rush of chemicals flooding my brain. I couldn’t feel my face for a bit and almost passed out with the dildo still in my ass.

It surprised me that I asked for an orgasm, especially after having two during sex yesterday. But I think it's two things: 1) orgasms during masturbation are just a different kind of need, and 2) I am close to starting my period. I am usually hornier at this point of my cycle, so I'm sure that makes denial much harder.

After my solo orgasm, I noticed I wasn’t thinking about his cock constantly. I wasn’t daydreaming about the feel of it inside me, about the privilege of just being allowed to hold it. Last night when he began touching me, I wasn’t immediately wet and on the edge anymore. I wanted sex, but I wasn’t desperate for it. And while the sex felt great, it wasn’t quite so hard to hold off.

Realizing this, my immediate thought was that I shouldn’t make myself cum anymore. But Monsieur reminded me that I do need it every once in a while. And he reminded me that he wants me to cum. He likes making me cum. He just wants me to really appreciate the gift of it. And I really, really do now.

At the same time, I am eager to get back to the needy, denied girl I was before this. I’m eager to feel that constant desire for him—that docile, submissive glow, looking at him with complete adoration. I know I will cum again, both with him and on my own. But I don't want to ask for it until I feel like I truly need it. Because I’d rather feel his ownership than my orgasm. It’s that simple.

2 days since last orgasm After a lot of edging yesterday, I feel like I’m right back to being needy. It feels good. I’m very eager to please him, even if it means doing the things that I really don’t like. This morning he had me fuck myself on his toe. He knows I hate feet. But it wasn't about my pleasure; it was about his. It didn't feel good (or bad), but it didn't matter because that's not what it was for.

And then when he came, I watched the explosion of pleasure on his face, the way he gasped and the way his fingernails dug into my thighs as he pulled me to him... And I felt content.