#I'm guessing you're my fedya (if you know you know)

[im-a-chunky-potato]

🌞🌛✨🌸⭐💐🔥

Sorry this took so long anon! You should have seen my reaction when I saw this in my inbox... I was surprised to say the least!

🌞I really like your blog!- ooh I'm glad!

🌛You're really cute!- I... uh...um...

✨️I love seeing you on my dash!- It's a 2 way trade! I love seeing you on my dash or in my activity too ^^

🌸you're really sweet!- thank you! It's nice to see you think that<3

⭐️you have a nice aesthetic!- Ooh cool! I've been told I'm aesthetically shy before but I'm curious what kind of aesthetic you're thinking for me?

💐I wish I could take care of you when you're sad!- Aw ty! Honestly I'd kill for being able to summon my mutuals at any point to take care of me. But seriously, stuff like this helps more than you'd think it would!

🔥you need to stop being so hard on yourself!- Thats fair. I assume you're talking about all the times I've talked about me wondering if I'm funny or how I wonder if I'm annoying? Honestly it's just reflex at this point to ask! (My atsushi side is showing hstgs)

Anon, I wish you a good day/night wherever you are! Seriously this made my day!

[delusionalwriter02]

heyyyaaaa sooooo

i'm kinda dating the entire bsd main cast except fukuchi, fukuzawa, mori, lemon explosives guy, natsume and the minors.

but anyway, i am OBSESSED with ur insta as ... gf thing like i have not had such a good giggle (to be COMEPLETLY honest i was rolling, kicking, screaming in my pillow, trying to hide my giggles but failing miserably and ma,ing a very ugly face)... but let's not get into that! 😅

so my point is can you pretty please 🥺 do a pt 3 for fedya and pt 2 for kolya?

mainly fyodor tho cuz he's kinda sorta very much my husband 🥰🥰🥰 cuz i'm a s.i.m.p and cuz i said so.

only if wanna that is!

Insta as Fyodor's GF p.3

a/n : DEAR I LOVE YOU ??? you're SO adorable and how can I say no ???? (i'm sure you're BEAUTIFUL), hope you'll like it!! <3

<3 liked by Atsushiii, Fyofyo and 638 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : and if you're still breathing you're the lucky one

Golgot : guess I'm lucky ??

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : you can't appreciate art

↳ Golgot : I appreciate what I understand

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : oooh I understand now

↳ Golgot : what ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : why you're so bitter about everything

↳ Golgot : I'm not bitter ???

↳ Fyofyo : Oh you so are

↳ Atsushiii : agree

↳ Golgot : fuck off Atsushi go annoy someone else

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : @.Akutagawa come get your man

Yosanurgirl : omg babe the photo is SPLENDID

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : I KNOW Sigma is great at thirdwheeling

↳ Yosanurgirl : oh poor man

<3 liked by Sig_ma, Gintonic and 395 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : money, money, money

Yosanurgirl : must be funny

↳ Gintonic : in the rich man worlllllllddddd

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : that's why I love you

↳ Sig_ma : why man ?

↳ Gintonic : it's a song

↳ Sig_ma : Thank you

↳ Gintonic : you're welcome.... I guess

Fyofyo : Anything for you dearest

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : I LOVE you with my WHOLE heart

↳ Fyofyo : Me too angel

↳ Daze_i : sucker

↳ Fyofyo : Jealous ?

↳ Daze_i : I got a whole harem

↳ Fyofyo : Sure

↳ Daze_i : WDYM I DO HAVE AN HAREM

↳ Fyfoyo : Never said otherwise

↳ Chu_uya : Dazai please shut up

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : Chuuuuuuuuuyyaaaa are you in this harem ?👀

↳ Chu_uya : NEVER

↳ Daze_i : of course he is

↳ Chu_uya : SHUT UP MORON

<3 liked by Yosanurgirl, Gintonic and 538 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : We're setting fire to our insides for fun @.Yosanurgirl

Daze_i : you're doing what.......?????

↳ Yosanurgirl : it's from a song too idiot

↳ Daze_i : it's about smoking ?

↳ Yosanurgirl : it can

↳ Daze_i : omg stop being so mysterious

↳ Yosanurgirl : i'm not it's up to you

Ranthebestpo : YOSANO YOU BETTER COME AT THE AGENCY RN

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : talk better to my girl

↳ Ranthebestpo : stay out of it

↳ Fyofyo : Watch your mouth

↳ Ranthebestpo : watch yours

↳ Fyofyo : Excuse me ?

↳ Yosanurgirl : OKAY STOP IT RN

<3 liked by Fyofyo, Atsushiii and 738 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : you were riding your bike to the sound of it's no big deal

Gintonic : don't ask me why but i'm in love with this photo, it's calming

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : it's EXACTLY how I felt, no sound, just us

↳ Gintonic : that's the sweetest thing i've heard in a while

↳ Yosanurgirl : @.Fyofyo break up with her, I take over

↳ Fyofyo : In your dreams

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : YOSANO CMON

↳ Yosanurgirl : a wise man said one day "just because there's a keeper doesn't mean you can't score"

↳ Gintonic : gross

↳ Yosanurgirl : *wise

Golgot : Fyodor me too I can take you on ride

↳ Fyofyo : On my dead body

↳ Golgot : FUCK IT EVEN IN DEATH YOU WON'T DATE ME ???

↳ Fyofyo : I swear on everything I care about, I will NEVER date you

↳ Yn_theonenandonly : that's my man

↳ Daze_i : why is everybody trying to date the other

↳ Chu_uya : delusional bitches

↳ Yosanurgirl : i'm gonna fucking kill you

↳ Daze_i : NO I SAID I WILL

<3 liked by Gintonic, Akutagawa and 438 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : my safe place @.Yosanurgirl @.Gintonic @.Fyofyo @.Kyôk_a

Kyôk_a : Thank you it was really fun

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : with pleasure

↳ Atsushiii : Kyôka it's great you're making friends outside the agency

↳ Ranthebestpo : Can't say it's a wise decision but it's your life

↳ Atsushiii : Ranpo please don't

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : wdym

↳ Ranthebestpo : nevermind

↳ Gintonic : better

Fyofyo : We should take Kyôka out more often

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : she's 14 love, I won't be taking her out everywhere

↳ Fyofyo : I know but like at the funfair, the beach, places where childs likes to go

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : Are you having a baby fever ?

↳ Fyofyo : Maybe

↳ Yosanurgirl : OMG GIRL WHAT

Hey!!! Hope you liked it ? I'm trying to include Kyôka more because I love the character but she's a child soooooo I'm struggling a bit to write about her but anyway I hope it didn't seems to out of place

with love <3

[mncxbe]

Kintsugi

Part 2 .... Part 1

𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂, 𝑲𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒂, 𝑭𝒚𝒐𝒅𝒐𝒓 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff♡/ light angst??/ Fedya's redemption arc

// little warning for toxic relationships

°☆○

𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂

doesn't understand at first why you're so emotional when he brings you little gifts or asks for your opinion/ consent all the time; but he doesn't ask about it

he only decides to press the matter when he notices you're kinda wary around him, especially after he had a rough day at work and isn't in the best mood

and oh mama

when you tell him your exes would take their anger out on you (doesn't have to be physical abuse, even if they just yelled or so) he is so distraught

he's like name and address please; he wants to go after those guys

but after you reassure him that it's all good now, he promises he'd never harm you in any way

'Why is she acting like this?' he asked himself for the nth time that evening. Arm resting on the side of his couch, his piercing gaze followed your every move; in the background the TV rolled a generic movie, the high pitched voices of the actors going right past him.

You were in the kitchen, occupying your time with meaningless activities: scrubbing the counters, cleaning the dishes, polishing the cutlery, refolding the towels to make sure they weren't getting crumpled.

But why? Why weren't you spending time with him?

Your boyfriend had a terrible day at work and all he wanted was to spend the rest of the day with you. But the second he stepped into your shared apartment and uttered a healf-hearted 'Hello love' you turned your back to him and did everything in your power to avoid him.

At first he thought you were simply busy, but three hours have passed since he returned home and you were still haphazardly moving around the apartment.

"Hey, Y/N. Can we talk for a bit?" he asked eventually.

Akutagawa watched you place the wet sponge on the edge of the sink and make your way to his side, still avoiding eye contact.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes" you said briefly, fixating a spot on the carpet.

Your boyfriend only huffed in response, hooking a finger under your chin to make you look at him.

"Look, Y/N. I'm not sure what's going on but if I upset you in any way please let me know."

The tinge of sadness in his voice caused you to sigh, your eyebrow knitting in frustration.

"No, Ryuu. You didn't do anything wrong. I just noticed you weren't in the best mood and assumed you wanted some time alone, that's all."

Your boyfriend was baffled, at a loss of words. "Why would you just assume that?" he pressed, eyes narrowing.

"I... I guess it's a bad habit I picked up from my past relationships. Sorry, it was silly of me. I should've asked what you wanted me to do." you said with a smile.

But Akutagawa wasn't happy with your answer. He had noticed this recurring behaviour and wanted to know more, so you told him everything: how your last partners would yell at you whenever they had a bad day and how you learned to just mind your own business in moments like that.

"Did they ever hit you?" he eventually asked and you could see the shadow of relief in his eyes when you shook your head.

"No, it wasn't anything bad. Don't worry."

Your boyfriend nodded, his lips curling in a gentle smile. "At least that"

His slender fingers let go of your chin and took your hand in his, pressing his lips to your knuckles; causing a pink hue to rise to your cheeks.

"I hope you know I'd never lash out on you, no matter how shitty my day is. My work and our relationship and two different things and I won't let one influence the other, ok?" he said in a gentle voice, earning a smile from you.

"Thank you love. And sorry for ignoring you all day. You don't even know what it took for me not to hug you"

With that your arms wrapped around his neck and he leaned back, propping himself up against the edge of the couch. You cuddled against his chest, body flush against his as his arms came to rest loosely on your hips. He breathed in and chuckled when he noted the fresh smell of cleaning supplies on your skin.

"Don't worry your pretty head about it. I'm not mad at you. Plus, the kitchen it spotless now so I have nothing to comment."

His remark caused a mirthful laughed to roll off your lips and he smiled again, placing a kiss to the crown of your head. Now, with you by his side, Akutagawa could finally relax.

𝑲𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒂

he's so oblivious omg

doesn't really think your reactions to his kind gestures are out of place; but he does wonder why you're so impressed all the time

he strongly believes that you deserve to be treated like the queen you are so ofc he does just that

at some point he asks you about past relationships; just because he's curious

but when you tell him that your exes were all a bunch of assholes who've never treated you well he's so sad

I see him almost crying because he loves you so much

you're the one who ends up reassuring him that he's a great boyfriend and that you're happy with him djjdjdj

"Love, are you ok?" you asked in a worried tone as you watched your boyfriend lean forward, head resting in the palms of his calloused hands.

Kunikida's mind could not comprehend what you just told him. It all started with a harmless conversation about your past relationships; he was simply curious and wanted to know what they were like. But he certainly didn't expect you to tell him something like this.

At a loss of words, your boyfriend's gaze fixates his shoelaces, counting the number of times they looped in and out of the eyelets.

One...two...three...four...

He just couldn't believe it: how could anyone treat someone like you so harshly? so badly? How could anyone raise their hand at you or deny you things or raise their voice at you? It was beyond comprehension.

Kunikida thought of all the things you went though, all the toxic relationships you had to endure and felt tears pooling at the corner of his eyes; a burning sensation grazing at the back of his throat.

"Love?" you asked again, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

Your boyfriend straightened his back and arranged his glasses. "Yes, I'm alright. Sorry for that."

But the slight quiver of his voice didn't escape you, your lips curling in a sad smile.

"Oof Kunikida baby please don't be mad over this. I'm okay now."

Taking off his square-framed glasses you cupped his cheeks, placing a kiss on the tip of his nose.

"Don't bother with those guys. What matters is that you treat me well and make me happy. Never doubt that" you reassured him.

Your boyfriend smiled softly, glossy eyes finally rising to meet yours.

"You sure you're happy, right? I mean if there's anything I'm doing wrong please let me know and-"

"No, no. Shush." you cut him off "You're amazing Kuni. You're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for and I'm truly so grateful for you."

Your gentle words got to him this time and he sighed, feeling the knot that formed in his chest slowly untangle.

"I'm glad then, sweetie" he added, kissing you briefly on the lips. "I'll keep giving you my best, I promise. I'm never gonna give up on us."

"Oh I know darling but don't worry" you said sweetly, leaning closer to kiss him again "You're already perfect"

𝑭𝒚𝒐𝒅𝒐𝒓

I don't think he's surprised to find out you've been in toxic relationships; he knows how cruel people are at heart

still feels bad you had to go through toxic relationships

insists you tell him everything that bothered you about your exes and damn he realizes that he himself has many of those toxic traits👀

ofc he's not toxic to you but overall? he gaslights, manipulates and lies like it's his second nature so... yea. this discovery kinda hits hard

he does however try his best to be a better man for you, because he knows you deserve the best and he'll give you just that

Cold sweeps of rain poured down the tinted glass windows as you and your partner quietly sipped on a glass of red wine. It was a rare occurance to see Fyodor drink - he considered drinking to be immoral, a mere vice for lowly humans- but he did indulge you from time to time. It helped him let loose and gave him the courage to ask or do things he wouldn't normally do.

"So, myshka" he began, glossy gaze darting from your eyes to your lips "Tell me about that ex of yours. What was his name... Haruki?"

A lighthearted chuckled rolled off your lips. "Yea, Haruki. Well... He wasn't the best really. Looking back I'm not really sure why I stayed with him for so long."

"How comes?"

"Well..." you said sheepishly, thumb sliding along the brim of your glass "At first he was really nice: always bringing me flowers and taking me on dates. But when we grew accustomed to each other he changed quite a lot. He became avoidant. Whenever I'd bring up an issue I had he'd just dismiss it."

You took a short break and exhaled deeply before continuing your story.

"At some point I asked him why he didn't spend as much time with me and why he stopped putting effort in our relationship and he simply said that I was overreacting and it wasn't at all like that. I guess... for a long while I settled for the bare minimun with him. And then for even less."

"He started gaslighting me all the time and I hated it, but I couldn't bring myself to leave because I still cared about him. And I hoped that deep down he was still the same lovely boy I fell for. But I guess it was hopeless..."

Fyodor listened to every word you said, violet eyes fixated on your features. He searched for any sign of hatred or resentment, but no, you talked about your ex so nonchalantly.

"And how do you think this relationship affected you?" he asked eventually

"I guess... I know my worth now. I won't accept that type of behaviour from anyone now. Although I don't think I'll face these problems with you. You're an amazing boyfriend" you said sweetly, a smile rising to your wine stained lips.

Despite your positive attitude, Fyodor's mind was haunted by dark thoughts. It may have been the effect of the alcohol, but for the first time in a long while he reflected upon himself:

He was a first class terrorist who has killed multiple men with his bare hands, who has deceived and manipulated countless of people without feeling any remorse.

And yet... you thought he was a good man; although you were aware of his crimes. The faith you had in him was like a punch to the gut, a reminder that he had to truly be good for you.

"Myshka" he said softly, setting his half empty glass on the floor before gently taking your hand in his, cold fingers holding tightly on your own. "You know I would never dare to do such a thing to you. I love you too much. And I know I'm not a good man for I have sinned more than anyone else, but I will always treat you right because you deserve the best."

"I know love" you chuckled, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I don't doubt you."

Your words swirled around his foggy mind as he smiled gently and leaned in, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead.

"I know" he replied before nuzzling his head in the crook of your neck. "Thanks for that"

"Of course" you said back as wrapped your arms around his lanky frame, feeling him relax in your embrace.

You relished this affectionate moment, the way he just let go and allowed himself to be soft for you and once again, were grateful for your boyfriend's low alcohol tolerance.

[kaeyx]

OMG CAT( + FOX KOYLAI) BOYS ON UR PERIOD AAAAA

Cat!Fedya is Like… weirdly really really sweet?? He’s not outright affectionate but he’s sitting by you more often and puts his cold hand on your lower stomach.. if you have bad cramps he won’t let you leave your bed because he’s worried!!!! What if you just… fell off…(he’s trying his best…) He definitely wants to snuggle under ashit ton of blankets but he isn’t gonna tell you!

Cat!Zai is.. horny like always but he doesn’t want to see you in pain :(( will offer to eat you out!!! And will try to take your mind off ur cramps by meekly pawing/messaging your stomach/chest.. He’s extremely clingy!! If your getting up to do stuff he’s gonna be following everywhere he goes!! He doesn’t want you moving around a lot so he’ll try to get you stuff.. the problem is he doesn’t ask what you were trying to get so he comes back with randomly stuff!!! Still a very good boy!!

Cat!sushi is panicking cuz the poor boy thought you were dying…(don’t make fun of him, hes trying!!) he will basically be ontop of you for your entire period, pawing at you to cuddle with him and basically working as a human heating pad!!! He will offer to help you take your mind off your cramps in whatever way but he’s scared he’ll somehow hurt you!!! Definitely thinks you could randomly pass out from the blood loss.. he’s… trying..

Fox!Koylai is sneaky!! Definitely will tease you!! Pokes at your lower stomach and is alittle bit of a sadist cuz he gets hard if you make a whimper/ sound of discomfort…. Will try to have period sex no matter what and will get whiny if you say no!! Honestly he’s alittle sad your not more cuddly and needy…. But he does atleast try to help you alittle…. Another one to message your stomach!!!

(sorry this is abit long was wondering if I could be 🕸️ anon pretty please >_< )

Ooooo I agree with all! Plus this comes at the perfect time bc apparently my period is still here despite my getting a higher T dose....smh is anyone synced up at least?

I'm going to add Catchuu who makes biscuits on your lower stomach because he knows it'll help with cramps and watches you walk around the house trying to figure out what it is you're craving. Would probably guess it in one go too, and be super happy it earns him a kiss and a cuddle. Also delighted to sit on you and purr like a jet engine if it soothes you, and he's another one that offers to eat you out. It'll take your mind off cramps sure but he's also curious to know what it tastes like.

[mrsdostoevsky]

“The bed is getting cold and you're not here...”

pairing: Fyodor Dostoevsky x reader;

genre: some angst with fluff I guess (??);

word count: 675;

type: short drabble;

warnings: bad writing and maybe some grammar mistakes!! (english is not my first language, hope y'all understand it).

A/N: okay okay, I know this could be better but it's my first attempt to write and post something, so be patient with my shitty writing (I'm still learning 😭💀).

Fyodor Dostoevsky was a man committed to his goals, and you've always known that. He would do absolutely anything to execute his plans without a single flaw and by this, I imply that, if necessary, he wouldn't think twice about leaving you completely alone for days just to accomplish something related to his schemes. But, even if you were already used to his skeptical and cold demeanor, you couldn't imagine how miserable you would feel every time he lefts you because of his job.

---🦋---🦋---🦋----

It was just another lonely night. Sprawled in the vastness of fancy sheets of an empty queen-sized bed, sleep was almost impossible. It had been fifteen days since he and Nikolai left, and, without him, you felt so fragile, helpless, and unprotected. Even as an ability user, you were in a constant state of alertness because, being in a relationship with Fyodor means that, if his enemies can't hit him, they'll go for the thing he treasures the most, which is you. And Fyodor knows that. You two were fully aware that he was putting your life at risk when he asked you to be his darling, and you accepted this situation not just because you loved him, but because he promised to protect you no matter what and you trusted him with your life. He's a man of words, after all, and you know that.

Wrapped in one of his coats, you sought some comfort while inhaling his scent. That soft fragrance of lavender and black tea was so addictive. Exactly like him. Oh, you felt so nostalgic, and missed his touch even more. Your hands clutched even tighter to the coat, and you could feel the hot tears starting to run down your face and onto the fabric. You couldn't stop thinking about Fyodor and about how much his absence darkened your days. Because of his mission, he wasn't able to establish any type of communication, and this lack of news just anguished you even more. It was pathetic how dependent you had become on him. Even though he was a man of questionable morals and awful acts, you adored him and treated him as someone worthy of all your love and devotion. How pathetic.

Your cries of despair, however, were interrupted by the sound of footsteps in the hallway. At first, you thought it was Sigma who was concerned with your behavior and was coming in to check how are you feeling during such tough times, so you tried to clean your swollen eyes and adjust your messy hair. At the sound of the door opening, you immediately raised from your bed, but all your sadness was abruptly replaced by a sense of relief when you saw Fyodor entering the room. Running out of bed, you immediately walked over to your exhausted boyfriend and helped him out of his heavy black coat, which, unsurprisingly, had some blood on it. When you were about to open your mouth to welcome your man, Fyodor surprised you with a sudden hug.

Hugs were an unusual thing for him, but he did it with so much passion that you could feel that he'd also missed being like this with you. And for a few minutes, you just stood like that, still and silent, his hands caressing your back as you rested your head on his chest, listening to the comforting sound of his heartbeat.

- "Fedya, I missed you so much..." - you muttered under your breath, losing yourself in his sweet embrace and feeling again the warmth of tears, but this time of pure satisfaction and joy. Hearing your mumbles, Fyodor brought his index finger to your chin and lifted it slowly so that your eyes met his violet ones, which were glancing at you with unexpected tenderness.

- "Me too, Myshka..." - he said with a sigh, followed by a tired smile and a soft loving kiss pressed on your forehead. After this, he just stood there, resting his chin on the top of your head as you keep hugging him as tight as you can, afraid that he would escape from your embrace and leave you again.

[asksoldieron]

SO-13: Sometimes it's OK to do a little murder, as a treat

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.

No art, but hopefully my eyes will improve enough to add some later!

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for The Rainbows, the Sitch and the Red Phone (SO-13) an instalment! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

And we're back! Sorta. I am definitely not operating at my full mental or visual capacity, but I got 20/20 vision at a distance... When my eyes aren't so dry they blur or so painful I shun the light like Nosferatu. I don't have any eye drops that are going the distance right now, not even the expensive ones the doctor foisted on me yesterday. This isn't necessarily gonna stay like this, but I don't like it, and I can't stare at a bright white surface trying to draw. (I mean, I can. I did. I tried. But it was too distracting and uncomfortable.)

Writing works though! So here's some text! Ha, ha, I'm so tired of health issues.

But this is fun! We've got an updates on everyone's situation and a few mysteries, including one real spy who's having a bit of a meltdown trying to work out what's going on. I'm not gonna tell you who it is, but I'll try to give you a fair shot at guessing.

We will see Chloe, Jade and Fedya again, but not for a while. They certainly are up to something! Well, everyone else is, too, but so far no murdering. So far.

I'll be back next week with more text, and who knows what else distracting me.

[Back to Site?]

[dolokhoded]

Pierre, Letters & The Great Comet Of 1812?

pierre - are there any characters in this musical that you particularly relate to?

hmmm okay. different aspects of many of them, actually. one is,,,,, definitely sonya. that one's probably due to the fact that i'm incredibly close with my cousins, they're probably my favorite people on earth, there are two girls, one older than me by two years who i haven't seen a lot lately, but there's also my little cousin hope, who,,,, definitely puts me through some situations. i'm usually the one looking after her and my brother, and i understand that they see me as kind of a buzz kill sometimes but, y'know, someone's gotta do it. i love her a lot, anyways, but it's hard sometimes. then there's fedya. i,, cannot exactly explain the way in which i relate to fedya, there's something about the way he views the world, he handles situations in the book that just hits a little too close to home (and also my family's always had a bit of an issue with money so i guess having to find a way through, whatever way that is, is a part of me i see in him? and it's kind of refreshing to have ONE character who isn't mad rich, thanks tolstoy ig). it's probably not a good thing and i probably need to chill sometimes, but what can ya do, i'll work on it once i can afford to behave differently, i guess. and then there's helene for the sole reason of, ,, my brother, anatole kuragin. i relate to helene in literally no other aspect, but i rlly feel her on this one. kid's a total disaster, he's overly emotional and he's kind of an asshole and has the world's worst ideas, but someone's gotta look after him and i know that my options are to either disagree with him and have him get mad and push me away or play along and make sure he at least doesn't get hurt in the process, if possible. part of me wants to include vera in this even though she wasn't in great comet bc the whole eldest daughter that was clearly raised differently from the others thing,, yeah, but i don't know.

letters - do you use writing (or art in general) as a way to express your emotions?

i used to ! i used to write a lot, a few months back, i wish i could do that again. i honestly don't put that much into drawing, writing was much more of an outlet for me, for as long as it was, anyway, and i really hope i get that motivation to write again, even if it's through negative feelings. for now, i limit myself to music. i've always expressed myself through music.

the great comet of 1812 - what does this show mean to you, and what's your favourite element of it?

ugh SO much. great comet widened my variety in books, in music, in so many forms of media, i'm so glad i stumbled upon it. first of all it motivated me to FINALLY read war and peace, which i just started a few days back, i started reading again this summer and i've gotten a lot of classics out of the way but this one intimidated me so much and so far i can just TELL it's gonna be one of those books that will challenge me to think about so many different aspects and it's gonna be such a rollercoaster, im just in like the start of the second part of the first book and i already have so many thoughts?? i just know this is probably gonna be one of the most important books i will ever read. i feel like great comet as a whole has just,,, motivated me. for absolutely no reason. i started listening to classical music again, i started reading much more, i'm even thinking of learning a new language sometime, and i went through a very long very awful period of,,,, doing literally nothing. all my interests faded out and i wasn't motivated to do anything at all, and suddenly it's all back and i'm really glad that's happened. as for my favorite element,,,, i probably can't decide on one. i feel like it's,,, just such an incredible show, overall, from the way the stage is built, the way the actors interact with the audience and even by the placing of the seats you really feel like you're in the story, to the music, dave malloy is absolutely bullshit talented and so are all the actors in it (if i start talking about lucas steele and how INCREDIBLE his performance is, how comfortable and natural he seems in his role i will literally NEVER SHUT UP it's,,, i'm shook. he's got me shook, i've never felt insecure as an actor before i've done theatre my whole life and yet he's done it. i love him), to the costumes and how nice and flowy the dresses are, and the symbolism behind natasha's costumes, it's all just,, so good. thank u for coming to my ted talk.

[im-a-chunky-potato]

1 - with siglai bc 1am ramblings are very nikolai imo

Ooh you're so right for this! I'm not entirely sure how to feel about this, the pacing is a bit of a mess, but enjoy!

Sigma sighed and looked around the street they were in. When he was told by Nikolai they were doing a simple mission to gather information, he knew this couldn't end well.

What he didn't expect was that Nikolai would end up being so loud and extravagant that they couldn't go anywhere near their targets without being suspicious.

Nikolai giggled. "Isn't this fun Sigma?"

Sigma glanced at his watch. "It's nearly 1:00! This could've been done hours ago if you would stop and be normal for once. Why did Fyodor even trust you to do this?"

For a moment, it seemed like Nikolai was genuinely hurt by this statement, but maybe he just imagined it. After all, Nikolai immediately put on a wide grin and pretended nothing happened.

"Oh, did I not tell you? Poor Fedya seems to have caught a nasty cold. For a rat he does sure have a poor immune system... And as his best friend I must take on his responsibilities!"

Sigma paused and considered his words. "Nikolai... did he even ask you to do this?"

Nikolai smirked. "Thats irrelevant. He mentioned that this person had valuable information, and I decided that I could help him!"

Sigma gaped his mouth open. "Did I even need to come here in the first place?"

Nikolai smiled. "Yes! Your ability will make this so much easier."

It felt like Sigma had been stabbed in his heart. Of course his ability is the only thing that matters. Of course he's being manipulated. What did he expect?

And yet he wanted to be seen as more than his ability. For once he wanted to be seen as human, even if he's not. Even if he's just manifested from the book.

Somewhere he could hear a clock strike one, but he could barely tell. His mind was like a birdcage, and now he was stuck inside.

Sigma's eyes were soon glazed over and Nikolai realized something was wrong.

It was only then he realized the consequences of his words. His face fell into a small frown, and he seemed like he truly wanted to apologize. But he was fighting against himself. Would he really let his mask slip like that?

Nikolai's eyes glanced carefully at Sigma, like he was afraid that he would shatter at any moment. Suddenly Nikolai got an idea. "Alright, it's time for a quiz!"

Sigma's eyes focused on Nikolai's. He opened his mouth slightly, but it was like he was reaching for words that he couldnt grasp. Nikolai took this as a chance to continue.

"Question 1! What makes you amazing?"

Sigma knew the answer to this. "It's my abilty" He said quietly.

Nikolai sighed. "That is incorrect my dear friend. The answer is everything!"

Sigma widened his eyes. How could that be true?

Nikolai smiled. "Yes, it's true! You're quite admirable and hardworking too. The people are undeserving of you."

A small smile appeared on Sigma's face. He had never heard praise like this before.

Nikolai saw this face, and it was like a switch had been flipped in his head. Immediately his eyes softened and a more genuine look appeared on his face.

"You know, you're like a peacock."

Sigma tilted his head curiously. "Why is that?"

"Well people only look at your feathers. But perhaps they should be appreciating the bird as a whole" Nikolai's face turned a rosy red.

Sigma was shocked by this. He had never seen Nikolai anywhere close to blushing before, and as a matter of fact, Nikolai had never even acted this way! Why was he admitting this like it was a secret, like it was something he held close to his heart?

Nikolai stared at him expectantly before sighing in dissapointment. "Do i really need to spell it out for you? Well I guess you really have the comprehension skills of a 3 year old" He said teasingly.

"You're amazing. As dazzling as a bird who spreads its wings and flies into the sky."

Now it was Sigma's turn to blush. "This is a cruel joke to play if you're messing with me, Nikolai" His heart was beating out of his chest though. He hoped on his life that he meant what he said.

Nikolai stayed silent for a moment before responding. "No, I'm not." He gently took off his eye cover and looked at Sigma. His eyes reflected the moonlight, and were full of affection.

Sigma froze. This couldn't be happening. How on earth could he be looked at like this?

But he wanted to reach out to Nikolai. He wanted to be together. He wanted to see Nikolai under the mask he wears everyday.

So they embraced under the moon, a new world opening up for the both of them. Perhaps they hold the keys to each others cages, perhaps in each other they can soar gloriously into the sky.