#I'm not funny this is just perplexing me
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indiegame · 1 year ago
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looking at this bedfram like. .why are directions letters but pieces numbers?? hello??
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zhongli-lover-69 · 2 years ago
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hey girl is the room flooding or are you just happy to see me
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mrfunnyinthebank · 3 months ago
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i've got so many improvisers that love but i also have improvisers that i hate and by bad luck theres this one guy i HATE i don't think he's funny and i think he's a terrible scene partner and he's one of those comedians who's so desperate to say ANYTHING that he doesn't consider of a pun is good or makes sense or appropriate for the scene (with him it almost never is) but he's involved with other improvisers who are my favorite and so talented it drives me insane
i'm subscribed to a patreon to hear this guy say "well i was going to go with (stupid halfbaked pun) but i figured that was getting too in the weeds so instead i'm going with (decent name)"
so you realized that it was a bad joke that went nowhere and yet you decided to tell it anyway
🔥🔥🔥
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chastiefoul · 8 months ago
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your bf satoru who always 'just happened' to walk in on you while you're changing.
-
"toru! you could've knocked," you claimed, caught completely off guard. the shirt you just took off still hanging on your arm, leaving you in bra and shorts. the man in question was unfazed, he did not even have the decency to look remorseful in the least.
"baby i told you to invite me when you're putting on a show!" his gaze was shameless, roaming around every inch of your skin like he haven't seen it before. "what show? i'm changing, you silly man," you said rolling your eyes at his usual antics, bending your hips as you slid down the black shorts you were wearing.
satoru groaned at the sight.
"this show baby. with a gorgeous body like yours everything is a show, anywhere is your stage. you're the star," he insisted exaggeratedly, his stare still glued to every moment you made. it was clear that the man was infatuated. you could only shook your head in response, a smile couldn't hold itself in.
you immediately noticed he had come to stand unnecessary close after you grabbed fresh clothes from the wardrobe. his greedy gaze was perplexed, as if he couldn't decide where to settle its stare. then he stopped at your chest, lingering a second too long before resting it there, not even trying to be subtle.
"you're staring, toru," you chuckled, pointing the obvious. "fuck, have i not been clear enough about it? sorry baby i'll try harder." he closed the distance between the two of you with ease, putting an arm around your lower back. the shirt that's in your hold dropped to the floor at the sudden genture, your chest all pressed up against him.
"such pretty tits," he whispered, his eyes full of heat. he planted some kisses on your collarbone, trailing all the way down to your bust. his hands squeezed your sides, "perfect hips," he mumbled to your skin. his kisses didn't stop, it really felt like he was singing praise to every part of your body, making sure he didn't miss a single inch. every touch had left your skin aflame, yet you didn't mind.
he kneeled, kissing the side of your thigh. "don't even get me started on these thighs," his bright blue eyes stared at you from below, the rush of excitement that's on your chest was something you couldn't even begin to explain. to have the strongest person kneeling in front you as he worshipped you so lovingly... you must've done something right in your past life was your only conclusion.
satoru began to stand, carrying you along with him. you squealed at the abruptness, but soon your back was met with the familiar softness of your bed. he put his hands on either sides of your head, looking at you like you're his world. he peppered kisses across your face as you laughed, it really felt like he just swallowed sunshine. the funny feeling flowing down his chest was something he'd never get used to, but in no way that it felt bad. not at all.
"you're so perfect baby."
you cupped his face gently, kissing him deeply. whispering words of gratitude against his lips, you felt him smile. which worried you a little since it's one of those mischevous he wore when he's up to no good.
oh you.
so oblivious.
oblivious to the fact that satoru's stream of compliments is far from over.
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michaela-o · 8 months ago
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Random things i think Cybertronians would find adorable about humans~♡ Pt. 2
1. Us getting scared by small things
Humans jumping or screaming at a bug, sudden noise, or a scare prank would probably seem hilarious to the bots, who would be 100% amused by how easily humans can be startled. I bet MANY bots would take advantage of this when there would be a lil human on the lost light. Bots like Whirl, Trailbreaker sometimes Swerve that would like to scare the human despite them telling him not to.
Ya all know the vine video? With guy that goes: "Aaah stoop im gonna drop my criossant."
Yes that XDD
2. Us getting lost even with maps or GPS
I personally have terrible sense of direction and orientation (*p_q*) And some bots catching humans struggle with directions, even with GPS, would be both puzzling and funny to them. They always wonder how humans get lost so easily. But come on give the lialison a break the lost light is fucken HUGE.
3. Getting “hangry”
I mostly get tired when i'm hungry but when im also irritated i become hangry. I think bots would find humans getting irritable when they’re hungry both funny and perplexing to them who might see it as an amusing “malfunction” due to our a basic need.
4. Human body “glitches”
Hiccups, sneezes or random muscle twitches and similar reflexes would be entertaining to the bots, who’d find these involuntary responses both weird and amusingly unpredictable especially when we tell them that we can't control them. Get ready to be friendly bullied for this by some of the bots.
Human sitting over on Swerve's bar counter: *sneezes*
Whirl: What the frag was that sound? A sparkling's war cry?
Human: ( 。ớ︿ờ)
5. Collecting random souvenirs
Humans collecting small souvenirs, like seashells, keychains, or mugs from places they visit, would be amusing to Cybertronians, who might see it as an odd way of marking memories. Since from what i was reading in comics i didn't see any bots do this and i think they would find this pretty adorable. Almost like we materialize memories.
We are all like crows :3
6. Huddling for warmth
When humans instinctively huddle together or bundle up in thick layers when we're cold. Bots would simply find it cute amd definitively have to fight the yrge to just- squish-
Our need to find warmth and the cozy solutions we come up with would seem quaint and endearing (*´˘`*)
7. Gathering in groups for safety
The way we instinctively form groups, especially in unfamiliar or intimidating and scary situations would be both cute and a bit amusing to bots who might see it as humans’ way of finding strength in numbers despite their physical smallness. But we find great comfort in it ( *^艸^*)
8. Soothing or hugging each other in stress
When we instinctively comfort each other with hugs or reassuring words would be adorably puzzling to the bots, who’d find it endearing that humans can find peace in such small, gentle gestures. I bet a bot that is visibly sad would be pretty surprised when the human lialison comes up to them and just hug their servo and ask if they want to talk about it. It personally makes me happy when i can comfort and help someone in need ( 。ớ ᴗờ)
9. Making eye contact to connect
Humans instinctively make eye contact to establish trust or share feelings, which many bots would find very intimate, sincere and honest because it shows how deep the personal nature of human connection can go ( ⁎ᵕᴗᵕ⁎ )
(bots getting lost in human's eyes is one of my guilty pleasures)
10. Fighting for what’s important
We humans naturally stand up for our values, friends, and families, often driven by an instinct to protect or defend what we love. I think bots would find this fierce loyalty and bravery adorably noble for such a small species such as us. I even think that many would take us for an example in this (。>ㅅ<。)
11. Helping others instinctively
Cybertronians would likely find this endearing that humans instinctively help each other out—whether holding open a door, picking up dropped items, or offering support without being asked. This is the very nature that makes us human (*´▽`*)
12. Blushing when embarrassed or flustered
The way our cheeks turn pink or red when we're shy, embarrassed, or flustered would be extremely cute to the bots, who’d see it as a “giveaway” that adds to our vulnerability and the fact that we just can't hide our emotions makes us very emotionaly transparent is just straight up adorable.
13. The way the human brain is so simple
I personaly am very simple human being and i find many stupid and simple things funny and laugh at them. I think because of this many bots would find us very innocent and adorable
(。>▽<。)
AAAAARRRGH there's so many other things i wanna write but i decided to make part two of this bc i enjoy writing this stuff. Dis a good soup :33
(i might add a small masterlist to my pinned post :3)
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ariestrxsh · 5 months ago
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sub!bsf!matt x bsf!reader
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𖦹 content warning: smut, mutual masturbation, voyeurism/exhibitionism, edging, squirting, getting caught
𖦹 summary: matt makes a bold claim that squirting is a myth, and you prove to him that he's wrong
dividers by the one and only @vxnitra 𖦹
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TUNNEL VISION
"I don't believe for a second that it's real. It's just something they show in porn to make it more exciting," Matt's voice broke the silence of the room as he came walking through the front door with his two brothers after filming their car video.
"That's a bold claim," Nick smugly responded, rolling his eyes. "Just say you're a virgin, Matt. It's less syllables." Nick started up the staircase, leaving behind the conversation that didn't really concern him at all.
"Squirting is totally a real thing, Matt. You're just dumb," Chris blankly stated. "How would you know, Chris? You ever seen a girl squirt?" Matt shot back, raising his eyebrows and shrugging his shoulders. "No, I haven't seen it, but you'd have to be an idiot to think it's a myth," Chris huffed, heading off towards his room. "Whatever," Matt mumbled under his breath.
"Hey, thanks for letting us use your car for the video. Sometimes I worry that mine is too recognizable when we take it out around here," Matt turned his attention towards you, tossing you your keys. "Yeah, don't mention it," you reached out with both hands, and they landed in your palms with a loud jingling sound.
Matt ran his fingers through his hair and plopped down on the couch beside you with a sigh. You let out a chuckle as you shook your head at his naivety. "What? What's so funny?" Matt wondered, furrowing his brow and narrowing his perfect blue eyes at you.
"Did you say that squirting isn't real?" You inquired, trying to stifle your laughter. "Yeah, why?" Matt innocently asked. "I have to show you something," you declared, standing up and grabbing him by the hand. "What?" Matt skeptically questioned you, completely caught off guard by you pulling him to his feet. "What are you going to show me?"
"Shhh," you hushed him, turning around and holding a finger to your lips. "You can't tell anyone. Just follow me." You led him out the front door and into the warm, summer night to your car that was parked in the driveway.
You demanded that he get in without any further explanation, and he climbed into your passenger seat with a perplexed look plastered to his face. You moved your chair back and lifted your hips, tugging down your pajama bottoms.
"What are you doing!?" Matt exclaimed, staring wide-eyed at you. He couldn't help but let his gaze wander over your exposed legs, awaiting your response as you discarded your clothing onto the floor of your car. "Squirting is real, and I can prove it," you answered him, looking around to make sure there were no witnesses.
"Y-you're gonna sh-show me?" Matt asked, blinking rapidly to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. "Why not? I love any chance I can get to prove you wrong," you arrogantly responded, a sly smirk forming in the corner of your lips.
You clicked on the overhead light, and you turned your body to face him to give him a better view of the show you were about to put on. Finally, you reached for your vibrator that was stowed away in your center console, making Matt's jaw drop.
"You just keep that in there?" Matt wondered, imagining how differently the car video would have gone if any of the three of them had stumbled upon it. "Yeah, I never know when I'm gonna need it. It's come in handy quite a few times," you admitted, winking at him and slowly parting your thighs.
His curious blue eyes immediately dropped to your bare cunt that was already slick with arousal. It immediately became his object of focus, holding him in a trance. "Wow," he whispered, admiring the way it glistened in the dim lighting.
He instinctively reached out to touch it, but you playfully smacked his wrist. "I said I can make myself squirt, not you can," you teased him. "This is purely for educational purposes." He just sat there silently with his jaw hanging open and his eyes wide as he nodded and pulled back his hand.
"You know what would really help me, though?" You asked, switching on your vibrator. "W-what would that be?" Matt wondered, his gaze still locked on what you had between your legs. "You should do it, too," you suggested, trapping your bottom lip between your teeth and glancing down at the tent that was taking form in his sweats.
You shuddered, and your leg twitched as you rested the buzzing toy against your clit. "You want me to..?" Matt asked, his voice trailing off as he reached for his bulge. You bit down on your lip a bit harder and nodded as you gazed into his blue eyes. "Please, Matt. It'll make me squirt so hard if you do it with me," you cooed in a soft voice that Matt couldn't say no to.
"O-okay," he stammered, reaching into his waistband and pulling out his half-hard dick. You eyed his swollen, mushroom-shaped head as he wrapped his fingers around his shaft. His mouth fell open and a strangled moan left the boy as he started to massage his cock for you. It immediately grew in size, blood rushing to it. A bit of clear fluid pooled at his slit as his hand moved up and down over his length.
"It's so pretty, Matt," you told him, gawking at the way his precum started to drool down the side of his tip. He blushed at your compliment. He'd never touched himself in front of a woman before, never mind a woman who was also touching herself, but in this intimate moment the two of you shared, he was beginning to learn new things about himself. He loved watching and being watched.
The whole time, his gaze flickered between your weeping hole and the way your face was contorted in a look of sheer pleasure. The vision that played out before him was completely hypnotizing.
He wet his lips and let out another pretty sound as he watched you take your free hand and start lining your fingers up with your entrance. He gasped and started to stroke his cock faster as he watched them disappear inside of you. He couldn't look away even if he wanted to.
You turned your toy up to the next setting, causing you to shiver again. A needy whimper unfurled from your pouty lips as you started swiveling your hips for a deeper sensation while your rode your fingers.
Matt started paying close attention to his tip, gently making circles on his most sensitive spot with his thumb and using his precum as lube. His eyebrows knitted together as he indulged in the lovely sensation. "Oh, fuck," he groaned as his cock twitched beneath his touch.
You couldn't get enough of the sight before you - his pink-tinted cheeks, his parted lips, and the look of bliss inscribed on his face as he started to stroke his length again. His blue eyes were glossy with lust, and they didn't stray from your bare pussy that was on display just for him.
The two of you watched each other intently, getting off on the other's pleasure while you each sped up your movements, both of your delighted sounds filling the car. "You're doing such a good job, Matt. You're making me so close," you whined in-between your satisfied moans. He squeezed his fingers around his shaft as he moved his hand up and down, feeling the pressure begin to build in his lower stomach.
Suddenly, you shut off your toy and removed your fingers. Despite pausing your movements, you continued to clench around nothing. Matt slowed his strokes and swallowed hard. "W-why'd you stop?" He stammered his way through his sentence, worried he'd done something to kill the mood.
"Don't worry, baby. I'm just getting started," you responded in a seductive voice, your eyes flickering up at his. You turned your vibrator back on, sinking into the wonderful sensation of being watched while you played with yourself again. You took your two fingers and inserted them once more, slowly picking up speed.
"D-does that make you squirt harder? When y-you edge yourself?" Matt nervously asked, lazily massaging his cock as he admired your delicate folds. "Mhmm," you purred. Matt had secretly always wanted to see you like this, and the reality of it exceeded his expectations.
He brushed his thumb over his sensitive tip again, sending goosebumps across his skin as a breathy groan fell from his lips. "You're so.. responsive," you told him, watching the way his cock throbbed against his palm.
"Does it feel good?" You wondered, knowing it must have but still dying to hear him say it. He bit down on his lip as his bedroom eyes raised to meet yours. "So good," he softly replied before his gaze dropped down to the way you methodically fucked yourself.
"I can't wait to cum all over my fingers for you," you whimpered, turning your vibrator up to the highest setting. Matt lifted his hips up off of the seat and started thrusting his cock into his tightly closed fist, pretending it was you. The sounds he made became more urgent, and his eyelids grew heavy as he watched you.
All of a sudden, you withdrew all stimulation again, and Matt watched as your pelvic muscles rhythmically contracted around the emptiness. "Oh, fuck. You're so wet," Matt commented as he watched your pussy drool onto the leather seat beneath you. You managed to chuckle through your panting. "I know, and it's all your fault, baby," you purred, turning your toy back on.
You took a few deep breaths, trying to slow your heart rate and maintain control as you were teetering on the brink of orgasm. Your fingers found their way to your entrance again, and Matt watched as you stretched around them.
"O-oh, fuck. I don't think I can t-take much m-more," Matt whined as he fisted his cock as fast as he could, rutting his tip into his palm as he drove his hips upward. The way Matt was tripping over his words and falling apart in front of you made it nearly impossible for you to hold off much longer.
The moisture of your combined breathing started to lightly fog the windows. You watched Matt's cock twitched before white ropes of cum squirted out of the tip, painting his hand, his clothing, and the leather interior of your car.
A string of moaning and incoherent babbling streamed from his lips as he finished in front of you. The way his face looked as he reached his climax coupled with the pretty sounds he emitted were enough to send you over the edge. Your head fell back against the driver's side window, and you slammed your eyes shut as you came unraveled.
The low hum of your vibrator reverberated throughout your whole being, leaving you at the mercy of your climax. You felt a familiar sensation, the knot in your stomach getting ready to snap. You voluntarily tensed your abdominal muscles, squirting as you finished, and Matt watched in awe as you sprayed the window behind him.
"Oh!" You exclaimed, trembling as the milky substance gushed from you again, making the most beautiful mess Matt had ever seen. "Holy fuck," Matt whispered in shock of what he'd just witnessed. You removed your fingers and shut off your toy, slowing your breathing as you recovered from the intensity of your orgasm.
"I stand corrected. That was impressive," Matt admitted, nodding in approval. At the same time, you both glanced up over his shoulder to see your arousal scattered across the glass of the passenger side door.
That's when you both noticed him. On the other side of that glass was a shocked-looking Chris, his mouth agape and his eyes bigger than you'd ever seen them before. Matt grabbed his cock again to hide it in his hand, and you slammed your legs shut, reaching to turn off the overhead light as Matt started to slowly roll down the window.
Despite the moisture that had started to steam up the car, Chris had seen everything and was just as mesmerized by your hypnotic movements as Matt was. Chris' wide stare flickered between the two of you. "I was, um, showing Matt that squirting is a real thing," you murmured under your breath.
"Yeah, I got that. Um, I just came back to check to see if I left my phone in here when we did the car video," Chris nervously replied, still looking like a deer in the headlights. You bit back an embarrassed smile as you reached for your bottoms that were on the floor.
"Uh, here," Matt said in a shaky voice as he reached for Chris' cell that was stashed in the cupholder that neither of you had noticed until this very moment. He handed it to his brother through the partially open window with a trembling hand, and Chris quickly grabbed it from him.
"Uh, thanks," Chris responded, blushing hard and glancing at the both of you one more time before he headed back inside. Each of your hearts were pounding in your chests as you made eye contact one last time before the two of you erupted in a fit of laughter at the absurdity of the situation.
"Well, now Chris can say he's seen a girl squirt, too," you chuckled.
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daryl-dixon-daydreams · 3 months ago
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"That's the third tool you've dropped. Are you alright?" you asked, smiling, leaning back against the front of the car beside him.
He hastily bent to retrieve the tool from where it had been ringing on the concrete and shook his hair out of his eyes. "Y—yeah," he murmured, clearing his throat. "'M just... nervous, I guess," he admitted with a dry laugh.
You cocked an eyebrow at him. "Nervous? Why?"
Daryl leaned forward over the engine and fiddled with a part anxiously. "Uhh... I—I dun get the chance to talk to—someone like you too often," he drawled, keeping his attention laser-focused on the car. He was sweating with nerves.
You turned and leaned on your hands beside him. "What? What does that mean? 'Someone like me'?" you asked, perplexed.
Daryl sighed and his eyes closed for a moment. "Yer really gonna make me explain?"
You laughed and it raised goosebumps up Daryl's back with electricity that seemed to permeate the air around the two of you. "Of course I'm going to make you explain! What the hell does that mean?" you asked again.
Daryl sighed and then pulled the rag from his back pocket to wipe his hands. "Well—yer—ya know... Smart, and funny, and kind, and—and..." Pretty. Attractive. Beautiful. Say it. Pick one. Say something.
You bit your bottom lip subconsciously. Your heart was pounding nervously. "And what?"
Daryl's nerve failed him. "And—and 'm usually stuck talkin' to a bunch'a deadbeats and drunks, that's what," he said.
"So, I'm making you nervous?" you said. "Should I leave?" you teased him, nudging his arm with yours. You gave him a warm smile. Daryl gulped again.
"Pfft... no. No, of course not. It's—I dunno... it's a—a good nervous," he murmured.
You grinned. And at that moment decided that once he was done helping you with your car that you'd be asking him out properly.
Prompt: "I don't get to talk to someone like you very often."
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ebodebo · 6 months ago
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—thinking about jason todd being a smug bastard... MDNI
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Wayne Manor was swarmed with people. 
Once again, your parents had insisted on attending one of Bruce's charity galas, dragging you along.
You couldn't help but feel like an outsider in this world of opulence and pretense.
It was fun to dress up with thousand-dollar dresses and jewels, but, Christ, the air was thick with the scent of expensive perfumes and the sound of clinking glasses, making it stuffy even in the corner of the room where you stood.
They were nothing more than a group of pretentious assholes parading around and gloating about their wealth.
The very sight of them filled you with a profound sense of disdain for the whole event, a feeling that seemed to grow with each passing moment. 
You just thanked God Bruce always provided good booze.
"Cute dress," a deep voice sounded next to you.
You know immediately who it is.
"Was gonna wear red, but I didn't want you to get all jealous, Jason," you jest, your tone oozing with sarcasm.
"Is that right?" He smirked, handing you a glass of champagne. 
"Yeah. So I settled for blue," you shrugged, grasping the champagne.
"I think red suits you better," he hummed, sipping the alcohol. 
"I bet you do, Toddy," you chirp, eyes leering over the glass as you sip.
"You think you're so funny," he mutters, referring to the silly nickname you call him to his dismay. 
"I think I'm pretty hilarious," you smile, clearly amused with yourself.
"I can tell," he jibbed, taking another swig of the alcohol, eye peering over the rim to lock with yours.
You open your mouth to speak but are interrupted by a refined, high-pitched tone dripping with an air of superiority calling out for Jason in the dimly lit, crowded room. 
"Jay," a blonde girl quipped, making no effort to greet you, only batting her lashes at him. "I wasn't expecting you to be here."
"Well, you know..." He trails off before mustering a fake smile. "Duty calls."
She lets out a horrendous giggle that has you laughing at the sheer absurdity before her eyes lock on you.
"And...you are?" Her tone is almost revolted, adding to the tension in the air. 
Just take the high road, you think to yourself. 
"I'm a friend," you plaster a ricus smile.
She purses her lips, her eyes betraying a mix of jealousy and curiosity as they dart between you and Jason.
You'll play nice tonight, sure. 
"Don't worry. I have a date of my own," you lightly smile, internally cringing, torn between maintaining your composure and the urge to flee.
"You do?" Jason asks with utter perplexity.
No.
"Yeah," you breathe out.
His eyes squint, you gulp.
"Well...where's the lucky guy?" Blondie poses, her arms crossing over her chest, her condescension palpable in her tone. 
Your eyes quickly scan the room before you hear a familiar voice walking behind you.
"There you are!" You beam, turning around, reaching for poor Dick's wrist, and pulling him next to you. 
"Dick?" She questions, her curiosity piqued.
"Dick?" Jason questions, his tone dripping with disgust.
"Not happy to see me?" Dick teases as you casually thread your arm through his.
You don't miss the way Jason's whole body tenses. 
"How...charming," Blondie quips hesitantly before she threads her arm through Jason's.
Jason doesn't miss how your whole body tenses, issuing a smug smirk at your bewilderment. 
Oh? He wanted to play dirty.
Well, two can play that game. 
"Isn't he just a charmer?" You chirp, your tone laced with unnoticed faulty admiration. "Dick's just so sweet. He just...swept me off my feet," you say, fighting back a cringe, but the sight of Blondie's scowl and Jason's stiff posture makes it all worth it. 
Dick shifts his eyes down to yours; you give him a quick wink, and he nods lightly, pulling you closer to his side.
He would do just about anything to get under Jason's skin. 
"She flatters me," Dick beams. "She's the real charmer."
You smile brightly, your eyes moving between Blondie's perplexed eyes and Jason's narrowed ones.
"Didn't think you two talked," Jason grumbled, his tone simultaneously skeptical and sour, his eyes never leaving Dick's face. 
"Yeah, I can't believe we haven't talked sooner." You smiled, your gaze shifting from Dick's bright eyes to Jason, noticing his knuckles turning white around his champagne glass. 
Got him.
"I can't believe I let you keep her to yourself, Jason. She's a great conversationalist," Dick chimes with a slight smirk at Jason's irritation.
Oh. Dick is having way too much fun. 
"I'm aware," Jason continently says, taking a sip of his alcohol. 
"Even better baker—what is it you made me the other day?" Dick questions, turning slightly to face you. 
Your eyes widen in surprise at his improvisation skills, your brain slightly scrambling before you find the words. 
Hell, if the whole superhero thing didn't work out, he could make a killing as an actor.
"Brownies," you spout after a moment.
"You made this idiot brownies?" Jasom suspires, clearly vexed. 
"I did," you smile, inwardly enjoying his apparent displeasure. 
Jason moves to speak but is quickly interrupted by Blondie.
"I'll have to have some shortbread cookies made for you, Jason," she says, smugness oozing as she pulls him closer to her side. 
Right like he would ever eat—
"I love shortbread," Jason says with a wide grin.
"You hate shortbread. You've always hated shortbread," you sputter out without much forethought. 
"Maybe I like them now," Jason shrugs, a sly smirk growing.
Your eyes narrow slightly before they widen a little in remembrance. "Oh, Dick," you tug on his arm to catch his attention. "I almost forgot you left your jacket at my apartment the other day," you prompt.
"Why was he at your apartment?" Jason instantly says, eyes staring daggers into Dick's.
"Just hanging out," Dick answers plainly, his lips quipping only slightly.
"Well, you two sure seem...close," Bondie quips, sipping champagne. 
"Yeah," Jason mutters through gritted teeth. "They do."
As you sip, your eyes leer over Jason's face over your glass of champagne.
His jaw is slightly clenched, and his eyes are narrowed.
Jason Todd, jealous?
What a sight.
"Speaking of apartments," Blondie breaks the silence, turning her head towards Jason. "Daddy just bought me a new one in SoHo. You should stop by," she says before she follows with a wink.
"Oh?" Jason hums lowly, clearly still a little irritated.
You let out a low scoff. "SoHo's kind of a detour, no?"
"It's not too far from here," Blondie says, somewhat defensively. "Plus, I wouldn't mind a long car ride with you," she brings her manicured finger up to run seductively across the pocket of Jason's tailored suit.
You tasted a slight coppery taste, only then realizing you had bit down so hard on your cheek you had drawn blood.
"If you two wanted to head out now, we wouldn't blame you," Dick remarks.
You whip your head around to face his, mouth agape in surprise.
"Would give us a chance to leave, too," Dick finishes, sending a wink your way.
"Together?" Jason poses, tilting his head to the side. 
"Of course," Dick says cooly. 
As you look back at Jason, a tiny flicker of amusement glints in your eyes. 
You can see the gears in his brain turning.
"That's a great idea, Dick," Blondie chimes. "Let's get a head start."
You breathed a shallow breath before swallowing hard, looking Jason straight in the eye.
"Jason," you murmur, voice almost pleading.
"Yeah," he simply says, barreling his way over to you and grabbing your forearm.
"Where are you two going?" Dick asks, a shit-eating grin growing on his face.
"Move, Dick," you say with much more venom than intended.
"Move it, Grayson," Jason spits simultaneously, pushing past his brother.
His arm is tight around your forearm, guiding you out of the room. 
Dick throws his arms up in defeat. "What the hell did I do?"
"Where are they going?" Blondie asks, noticeably irked. 
Dick turns to look at her, pursing his lips slightly, and sighs. 
"Just—do you wanna dance?" He begrudgingly extends his hand.
Blondie perks up almost immediately, grasping his hand and pulling him toward the dance floor.
"She's so gonna owe me," Dick mutters, referring to you, as he is being dragged to the dance floor.
Meanwhile, Jason had led you down a hallway into a nearby broom closet and locked the door behind him. 
"You know, my parents don't think you're a good influence," you say casually as Jason's lips graze your neck. 
"Is that so?" He murmurs against your skin while your fingers thread through his slicked-back hair, holding him in place.
You toy with your bottom lip between your teeth, nodding along. 
The feeling of his hot mouth on such a sensitive area feels tantalizing. 
"They think you're a very bad boy, Jason," you tease before whining as his hand wanders to fondle your ass over your dress. 
You feel him laugh against your skin as his hand skims up your back to grasp for your zipper, pulling it down. 
"What do they think I'm gonna do?" He asks, slipping the front of your dress down as you reach for his tie, pulling him to your lips.
"Make me a bad girl," you murmur against his skin. 
His lips quip in amusement before he pulls back and quickly slips his tie off. "You already are a bad girl, Baby."
You let out a small laugh as you reach out to pull his suit jacket off, fingers fumbling with the buttons on his white collared shirt underneath, before bringing your hand to rest over your heart dramatically. "Me? No. Never!"
He lets out a low laugh that has your stomach in knots as he slips off the collared shirt. 
"Don't think I didn't notice that little game you were playing," he mutters, slipping your dress down to the pool around your ankles.
"You're a little shit starter."
"I was simply evening my odds," you simply say, stepping over your dress and using your foot to push it to the side as Jason unzips his slacks. 
You tilt your head. "She your little girlfriend or something?"
He tilts his head up, mouth opening in amusement. "Come on. You take me for a cheater?" He simply asks, slipping his slacks off. 
"I take you for a lot of things," you begin, pulling him closer by his wrist to press your lips to his. "But a cheater isn't one of them."
He tips his head in appreciation before hungrily engulfing your lips with his. 
"Don't tell me your parents think Dickie would be better for you?" He murmurs in between breaths. 
Your fingers entangled in his hair yet again, pulling him impossibly closer. "Actually, yeah," you suspire. "Or Roy."
He pulls back slightly. "Harper?" Disgust is apparent in his tone.
"Hell, he's worse than me."
You let out a breathy laugh before it contorts to a breathy moan as Jason's pointer and middle fingers skim over your clothed cunt. 
"Besides, neither of them could tame this greedy pussy," he rumbles, fingers delicately moving, pressing up against your clit. "No one could."
You let out a whimper as his fingers move his ease in and out of you, your underwear adding another layer of stimulation. 
"Well, no one....except me," he dips his head to hover over your ear, lips barely brushing the skin. "Yeah?"
You don't respond.
You were too focused on his fingers moving in you and his warm breath fanning your ear. 
"Say it, Baby," he coos as his pointer and middle fingers tweak your clit. 
"Say I'm the only one who can tame this greedy pussy."
You grip his shoulders tight, shamelessly rocking yourself against his fingers to gain more friction.
Your breathy moans shoot directly into his ear as he quickens his movements. 
"Say it," he commands, low and gravelly. "Or I won't make you come."
"Okay—shit," you stutter, trying so hard to get the words out in between pants. "You're the only—one," you begin through gritted teeth. "Who can, can—tame this," his movements pick up at your cooperation. "Greedy pussy," you whine out, grinding your body down on his fingers. 
"What a good girl you are," he praises before, to your dismay, he pulls his fingers out entirely. Your eyes widen in anger, mouth contorting to reprimand him before he moves to slip his slacks and boxers off entirely, revealing his painfully hard erection.
"I'm gonna make you come, Baby. Don't worry," he assures, voice breathy. "But you're gonna come around me."
You release a shallow breath at his words.
Sure, your orgasm had dissipated when he pulled his fingers out, but, fuck, was it back now. 
He leans his head down to press a deep kiss to your lips before his hands move to grip the back of your thighs, easing you up and pushing you against a side wall. 
Your legs instinctually wrap around his waist as his fingers slip into your panties, pulling them to the side to make room for his cock. 
His eyes flick to yours, raising slightly—you sure?
You give him a quick nod before he slips himself into your slit, which was already so slick—ready for him. 
His head goes back at the contact, gripping your hips tighter to keep you in place.
You rock your hips, muttering a curse as he moves against your aching clit. 
"Was he really your date?" Jason props unexpectantly, moving his hands down to grip your ass as he plows into you much deeper. 
"Wha—Dick?" You exasperate, unsure of why his brother was now a topic. 
"Well, yeah," he breathes. "Unless you have some—some other date I don't know about," he pants through labored breaths. 
"I—why are we talking about this when you're inside me?" Your voice is already hoarse as you scramble to grip his neck tighter.
"Fuck. I like that," he groans before returning to the topic. "Just—tell me. Please," he pleads.
"No, Jason." You're surprised you found enough breath to speak. "I don't even talk to him like that," you say honestly.
A slight grin grows on his lips at the admission as his pace quickens.
"And Blondie?" You spit out.
"Blondie?" A cheeky smirk grows on his lips at the nickname before his face turns serious. "Hardly know her."
You give him a slight nod, clearly satisfied with his answer.
He leans his head down to lay in the crook of your neck, groaning and curling into your skin as he drills into you.
"Shit," you curse, starting to feel the build-up of tension in your lower stomach.
"I know, Baby. I know," He croaks into your neck. "Me too."
It only takes him a couple more thrusts for him to groan and spew curses, and you whine and moan as you both simultaneously come. 
After you both recuperate, he eases himself out of you, hissing, as he places you down gently, even helping you slip your dress back up and zipping it up, pressing a tender kiss to your shoulder blade in the process.
He slips his boxers and slacks back on as you grab his collared shirt and slip it on him, delicately clasping each button. 
You snicker when you ease the zipper to his slacks up as he groans at your touch. 
"You are a bad girl," he jests, slipping his jacket and tie back on.
You let out a breathy laugh as his hands find your waist, pulling you toward him. He presses a sweet kiss to your temple. 
"Also," he begins his voice a low murmur against your skin. "I hate shortbread."  
You smile and rise onto your tiptoes, hovering near his ear. "I know," you whisper before pulling back, your eyes locked onto his.  
"I've always known."
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a/n: lmaoo poor dick
reblogs & comments are encouraged!
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oscconfessions · 7 months ago
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the ii-confessionlings
I've been observing this growing population of ii related confession blogs, and it is truly fascinating. I love it. Here are all the ones I am aware of at the moment.
The Lovers:
@iiposblog - Positive confessions blog! YOU STARTED THIS
@ii-peak-confessions - Proton of the atom trio. Very positive.
@ii-joyous-confessions - Joy!!!!
The Haters:
@ii-evil-confessions - Electron of the atom trio. Very evil.
The Neutrals:
@ii-neutral-confessions - Neutron of the atom trio. Very neutral.
@ii-neu-confessions - Another neutral confession blog. /neu
@ii-neutral-poster - Not really a confession blog, but still makes the list. This is really getting out of hand /neu
@ii-nothing-confessions -
The Religious:
@ii-holy-confessions - Confessions of the holy variety.
@ii-satanic-confessions - Confessions that do not make that holy mark.
@ii-purgatory-confessions - We're not quite holy yet!
The NSFW:
@ii-freaky-confessions - NSFW. Not a joke blog.
@ii-downright-devious-confessions - NSFW. Joke blog.
The Character Specific:
@ii-apple-confessions - appel
@ii-nick-le-confessions - nick le???????????
@ii-zoetrope-spinning-confessions - every confession spins his head more.
@ii-mephone3gs-confessions - it's so good to see you!
@ii-meeple-confessions - all meeple stuff!
@ii-fan-confessions - fan
@ii-box-confessions - box
@cheesy-confessions - cheese
@ii-stevecobs-confesssions - i fucking hate this corn
@ii-trophy-confessions - tropy
@ii-tissues-confessions - tisue
@ii-mephonex-confessions - did you hear that?
@ii-mic-confessions - michael phone
@ii-lightbulb-confessions - log by bulb
@iipepperconfessions - pepre
Wait, This Isn't II:
@osc-plurals-confessions - General OSC confession blog related to plurality!
@ii-confessio-wait-wrong-show - bfdi.
@obscure-object-show-confessions - Obscure object shows!
@obscure-osc-confessions - If you want to send an ask to one of these blogs I want you to send it to both of them. it would be a really funny prank.
All About Emotions:
@iisadconfessions - i miss mepad. i miss him a lot
@ii-hungry-confessions - for when youre hungry and an ii fan!
@ii-confusing-confessions - In case you're perplexed, which i bet you are.
@ii-jolly-confessions - Christmas may be over but that hasn't stopped anyone before!
The Animals:
@ii-meow-confessions - who let a cat loose in the ii tag!!!!!!
@ii-woof-confessions - who let a dog loose in the ii tag!!!!!!
@ii-fish-confessions - blub blub
The Fandom Related:
@ii-ship-confessions - Ships! I know you guys have LOT to say on those. Maybe even too much!
@ii-crossover-confessions - tired of just ii? start mixing other stuff in with it!
@ii-darkfic-confessions - for confessions about the dark, gorey fics about characters getting murdered and the likes!
@ii-oc-and-fanfic-confessions - what if ii was your own thing? Get transformative!
@ii-headcanon-confessions - For the little bits we like to add on in our heads.
And all the others:
@iii-confessions - confessions about ii's most controversial season!
@ii-queer-confessions - gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@ii-gay-confessions - payjay more like payGAY. more like GAYGAY. gayjay
@ii-therapy-confessions - please
@ii-brainrot-confessions - lord almighty...
@ii-confession-confessions - confessions about the confession blogs. we're gonna need it after all this
@ii-silly-confessions - Get silly!
@ii-stupid-confessions - Get stupid!
@ii-dementia-confessions - ??????
the ii fandom is having a really normal time after that finale, huh.
Please tell me if I'm missing anyone! -🫒 (@knightobreath)
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stargirlygirl · 2 months ago
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Hi lovelyyyyy 🥰🥰 I hope your having a restful break and it’s been on my mind after reading your sexy time gone wrong with the lads men (which is an absolute MASTER PIECE) about reader accidentally farting during it, or like in general in front of them? Sorry I the request sounds weird, but it’s a goofy thought that’s been plaguing my mind for ages 😛
star's initial words: thanks for your req! tbh, i avoided the subject for my embarrassing/gone wrong moments because i'm like cringing so hard at the thought of it. like if that was me, i'd be so fucking embarrassed like hiding my face, scampering off, never to be seen again. so, here's my thoughts on how they would react if you did.
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you fart in front of them
zayne
i think zayne would be super chill about it.
let's say you're cuddling on the couch and one slips out, and you're like apologising profusely, blushing hard, wanting to dash away.
i think he'd just shrug and say, "what? why are you embarrassed? flatulence is normal. it's your digestive system getting rid of excess gas. don't worry about it."
but if you farted during it... he'd stop whatever he was doing and check if you're okay, if you need to take a break or need a minute to recover. he'd be attentive rather than disgusted, and he would again reassure that farting is normal body process and that he's not weirded out by it.
as a doctor (even though he's a cardiologist), i think farting or other things we find embarrassing about our bodies (body hair, odour, stretch marks), he wouldn't recoil from. he'd be quite nonchalant and accepting of any of those things.
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caleb
you and caleb grew up together, so he's no stranger to your farts.
he's definitely teasing you for them, like, "eating a lot protein lately, huh, pips?" or "god, honey, you needa warn me first."
he's definitely ripping a few with you. maybe you have loudest or stinkiest fart competitions if you had spicy takeout for dinner.
if you fart during sex, i think he'd crack up laughing and have to pull out from how funny he finds it. like, guffawing, clutching his abs, and you start laughing with him because his joy is infectious.
he makes you comfortable and makes light of your farting. the last thing he wants is for you to feel uncomfortable with him, especially when you're being vulnerable with him. both during sex and farting, of course.
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sylus
if you fart in front of him, i think silence would descend upon the room for a tense ten seconds. he'd look up from his book, over the rim of his wine glass and just stare at you, perplexed.
like caleb, i think sylus would tease you for it. but not in brotherly way. in a condescending, arrogant sylus way.
"was it the beans, kitten?" he would ask in his usual drawl, making your face heat up as you nod.
he'd keep teasing you until you're begging him to stop, and then he'll just sexily laugh it off and return to his reading.
farting during sex... i think he'd say, "was i applying to much pressure, sweetie?" and you reassure him that you're all good to keep going. but i think it would dampen the mood a little. maybe you'd take a short break, and feel each other up some more before getting back into it.
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xavier
when you fart in front of him, he just looks at you and blinks for a few seconds before returning to what he was doing. i don't think he would say anything. he doesn't want to make a big deal of it; that's his way of letting you know he doesn't mind.
i also think on more than one occasion, xavier has farted in his sleep and if it was bad, then you've probably shoved him awake like "goddamn, xav. what the fuck did you eat?" (the answer is his own cooking).
i think our bunny would be surprised if you farted during it. he'd jump a little and be taken back by the sudden noise. embarrassed, you'd apologise and cover your face.
xavier would pry your hands away and hold them as he reassures you that it's okay, and if you'd like to continue, then he'd like to as well.
he wouldn't bring it up again or tease you, especially if it's during sex. i think he'd be sweet about it, and as i said before, wouldn't make a fuss over such a small thing.
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rafayel
dear lord, when it comes to this man... i don't know. our fishie is so confusing and complex. would he tease you for it? absolutely. would he bring it up later in the day and still tease you for it? i don't think so.
after you fart, raf would be like, "woah, cutie. bathroom's over there," while he points down the hall. he'd laugh at you, a veiny hand over his mouth as he tries to conceal his amusement.
you're embarrassed? i think he'd embrace you and poke your nose while telling you that he doesn't care, because he really doesn't.
if you fart while y'all are getting it on, i think he'd still tease you.
raf would stare at you before teasing, "again, cutie? don't tell me you need the bathroom again." and then he'd lay on top of you once you insist that you don't need the bathroom (or if you do then obvs he's letting you get up). rafie would nuzzle your neck and whisper that it's okay.
he'd want and encourage you to initiate intimacy after you're ready to go again. that way, he knows you genuinely want to and that he's not forcing you into anything if you really do feel uncomfortable.
and if you wanted to stop, then he'd be getting off you, cleaning you up, and snuggling up next to you. maybe a little pouty, he'll ask if you can pick things up again tomorrow.
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embarrassing/gone wrong sex moments m.list full m.list
star's final words: my dad was a doctor (gp) and i noticed that when it comes to farting, bodily excretions and a lack of control of them, he's very nonchalant about it. like he just brushes it off, finds it natural because it is. he doesn't make you feel bad about it and is willing to help clean things up (my mom has some bladder control issues). obviously, not all doctors are like that, but i'd like to think that zayne would react similarly. not because i think zayne and my dad are on par (definitely not), but it seems to be an appropriate response and helps to make you feel more comfortable about something that 1) you have little to no control over and 2) can feel embarrassed about.
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universefcb · 5 months ago
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Hi!!! Can you make one which Nilo is being jealous of the reader, and biting Pedri playfully, wanting to be close to reader, thanks!
↬❥ Nilo Drama
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Pedri Gonzalez x Fem!Reader
a/n: I really love Nilo and I'm happy with how big he is! And sorry for the short text, I wrote and rewrote it several times and this is what came out.
REQUESTED
warnings: No.
And sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.I hope this is what you asked for!
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It was a quiet afternoon in Pedri's apartment. He was sitting on the couch, looking at something on his phone, while you were next to him, smiling as you told a funny story about something that happened at work.
But in the corner of the room, a pair of watchful eyes were watching everything. Nilo, Pedri's dog, was in his favorite spot, lying down, but he didn't seem to be as comfortable as usual. He was watching the two of you, with his ears tilted forward and his tail slightly raised, a strange expression on his face.
When you laughed out loud, Pedri turned to look at you, and Nilo took advantage of the moment. He stood up quickly, walking to the sofa, and, with an agile movement, lightly bit Pedri's leg - a playful bite, but one that soon caused a reaction.
“Hey! Nilo!” Pedri exclaimed, laughing, trying to gently push him away. “That’s no way to get attention, boy.”
But Nilo, not realizing he was being ignored, took a step back and positioned himself closer to you, leaning his body against your side, as if he wanted to ensure that he was the one receiving all the affection now. The situation left Pedri with an amused expression, but also a little perplexed.
“Are you jealous, Nilo?” you joked, petting the dog, who responded by wagging his tail enthusiastically. “Maybe he wants a little more attention, doesn’t he?”
Pedri laughed at the scene. “It seems he’s determined to steal you from me today.”
You, with a smile, continued to pet Nilo, who seemed to completely relax by your side, ignoring Pedri completely. “Sometimes, Nilo is the one who is right,” you replied with a laugh.
Pedri raised an eyebrow, still surprised by the dog's reaction, but he couldn't help but smile. After all, Nilo had always been very protective of him. Now, he seemed to be showing that loyalty could also be shared.
“Be careful, or he’ll ask to sleep in your bed too.” Pedri joked, approaching the dog, but without taking him away from you.
Nilo just lay down next to you, as if he already knew who was dominating your heart that afternoon. And you, with a smile, thought that maybe you had won the heart of Pedri's little dog.
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Taglist: @meganesanchez @nngkay @p4uul0vr @paucubarsisimp
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fashionteahouse · 9 months ago
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out of your league - paul x reader
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AN: you guys are so amazing and I want to give every single one of you a kiss, it’s not even funny! 💜 you guys supported the last eight whole parts of this series and I appreciate you guys so muchhhhh! much love to all of you xoxo <<prev >>next
Your ears were sore from the prolonged pressure of the headphones. Music was still pumping out their waves of sound, you dragged your headphones off of your head and just put them on your side. Rubbing your eyes and looking at the time, you noticed you had overslept.
In the shower, you didn't know how to go about doing things. You made a promise to go with the flow but the flow was not smooth for you. You allow yourself to think, decompress, and allow all of your troubles to escape down into the drain.
As you were getting dressed, Kim called you. You froze and just watched the phone buzz, each buzz making you upset all over again. Staring at her contact name as it vibrated. Each buzz felt like a tease. Each buzz puts your anger up a notch. She leaves you a text message.
"Omgg Jared kissed me goodnight last night. Answer!!!!"
You pick up the phone and decided to call Paul. The first ring didn't finish its ring before he answered the phone and this made you chuckle.
"I'm coming over." You said to him on the line.
"Wait, I'll pick you up."
He bounced the ball around you as you stood in the court, watching him. He throws in a shot and you're impressed. "Are you okay?" you ask him after he retrieves the ball.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" he asks lightly as he shrugs his shoulders and eyes the hoop once more as the ball bounces between his hand and the ground.
"Just making sure. What you showed me wasn't right."
"I'm more pissed off on behalf of you, if anything... I don't want to talk about that broad anymore."
You nod at that, walk and lean on the fence.
"Do you draw?" you ask him.
You noticed the hiccup in his bouncing, trying your best to withhold your laughter.
"Not all like that... Why?" he says glancing at you. You look at the hoop for a moment and say, "I thought I saw a sketchbook in your room. I'll show you mine if you show me yours." you say to him and he's concentrating on the basketball that's going up and down. He shakes his head, making his decision, and turns his attention back to making the ball get swallowed by the net.
"Why not." you say humorously. He just shakes his head again.
"You're scared." you say to tease him and to your surprise, he cracks a smile, "Sure. I guess I will be scared then." He then decides to change the subject, "Jared is having a birthday party this weekend, are you coming?"
"I wasn't invited." you say and he rolls his eyes, "He told me to bring you, this morning."
"I will go....if.." you say and he looks at you perplexed.
"You let me take a tiny peak." you say as he walks closer to you.
"You're never allowed back in my room." he chuckles. Smiling at him as he walks away to bounce the ball some more and shoot it in the rim, you look down.
"I don't think I will go, in all seriousness." you say.
"There's no pressure.' he says to you and you loop your fingers through the holes of the fence.
Walking back to Sam and Emily's, he's trying to wrap his arm around you but you duck, while chuckling, "You're sweaty." Just as he was going to say a remark, you hear a girl's voice.
"Oh my god, Paul?" you and Paul glance to see a girl that you have seen around school before. Paul doesn't say anything, narrowing his eyes. She goes in for a hug and he steps back. She rakes her eyes over him and it's making you a bit comfortable. You fold your arms.
"I haven't seen you in like..forever." she says to him dragging the words on, not giving you an ounce of attention your way. Paul takes your arm and steers you around the girl and the girl finally looks at you.
"And you haven't answered my calls either." she says. He turns and looks at her, "I tend to do that when I'm not interested."
You walk with him as the girl stares at his back, watching him walk away, in disbelief. You're about to walk up Emily's house steps until you see Kim moving about inside, near the window, smiling and talking with Emily.
You turned right back around and Paul was looking at the same spot you were looking. You start to walk with no destination in mind. He doesn't say anything as he leaves the ball on Emily's porch and follows you.
"Where are you trying to go?" he asks as you both walk for some time.
You sigh and you look at him, "It's pretty nice out. Do you want to sit on the cliffs?"
"Are you sure? I mean.. Especially after.." he says, eyeing you carefully.
You shrug and nod, "You guys killed it."
Sitting on the edge of the cliff, you rest your head on his shoulder as you stare ahead. The view over the water was breathtaking, you took mental pictures of it. Lifting your head up, you place a hand on his neck, making him face you and you lean in. Tilting your head, you both poured passion that you both held, into each other's mouths. Sucking on his tongue, Paul held you close to him, breathing your soul in. Out of breath, you pullback, feeling faint. You lay your head back on his shoulder as you watch the horizon.
"Are you spending the night?" he asks as he holds your hand, leading you in the darkness, going back to the house. You tell him yes as he opens the door for you. Sitting at the table, all four pairs of heads turn to you both. You looked at each of them with your eyes.
"Y/N, it's about time." Kim says jokingly.
You don't say anything, ignoring her as you gun straight for Paul's room trying to close the door, but Paul follows in after you, not letting the door even crack and close it himself.
"As if nothing ever happened." you mutter low, knowing that the two other wolves would easily hear the words.
"Jared is taking her home." he says and rubs your back.
Emily knocks on the door and enters when she hears an invite.
"Are you guys hungry? There's food saved." she offers.
Paul nods and nudges you, "You should eat."
Shoveling the food into your mouth, Sam eyes you carefully. Emily joins you, now that you're there.
"How was your day?" she asks.
"It's going better now." you say.
"It was wrong?" Sam asks.
"It's better now." you say as you scoop the last bit of food of your silverware.
"I tried to call you earlier, I miss your help in the kitchen." she says and chuckles a bit.
"Sorry, I missed it when I overslept. I do miss it when it was just us in the kitchen." you say with a kind smile and walk towards the sink. As you hold and rinse off the plate, Emily wraps an arm around you in a passing hug.
You walk in the sitting room to see Paul lounging on the couch by himself. You sit very close to him and he holds you to him. It’s silent as you two soak in this moment together. It felt right. Watching goofy characters on the television felt right at that time. Caressing the skin of his neck and running your fingers through his thick, soft hair, felt right.
You noticed Paul starting to doze off. You try to get up but he holds you tighter, even though he’s half asleep. You shake him a little and call his name. He’s awake and stares at you.
“Let’s go to bed.” you say and you guide him in the room with his arm. As you close the door, he’s sitting on the bed, not laying down. His eyes are droopy but he’s expectantly waiting for you to join him. You move closer but you didn’t want to sleep in the clothes you had on. Not wanting to search for something or bother Emily for some pajamas, you peel your clothes off. Paul’s eyes are move awake as he raked his eyes over your body.
You debated, but something deep in your bones told you to do it. You peeled off your undergarments, letting it drop at your feet on the floor. Paul moved to the other side, off of the bed, and locked the door. His shorts are off before he turns around to pull you to him. Attacking your mouth, swirling his tongue with yours. You feel his hands everywhere, gasping in his mouth to minimize noise. He feels hot. You feel hot. Your hands reach where they could reach, his hands touching and feeling you as he kissed you deeply.
Letting you come up for air, he scoops you into his arms, the entire front part of your body is pressed onto his. Laying you down with him between your legs, you whisper to him, “Skin to skin.” reminding him of what he said.
He grins seductively as he gazed into your eyes, a look of recall, even. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him as he lined himself up directly to your sex, not pushing in, but instead feeling his skin to your skin. It feels hot and heavy against you but you love how it feels. Soft grunts escape your lips. You buck your hips upward to show him how much you do, you couldn’t look away from his face even if you wanted to. He grabs himself and traced you manually, letting you rock your own hips. It did nothing but made him want to touch you even more. The whispered gasps from you came when he put your legs up and moved himself along you. You put your fingers to your lips, not wanting anyone to hear you.
Paul let your legs rest, well not really, they were now wrapped around his waist as he grinded on your skin. Kissing your lips deeply, to enhance the ache that you feel in the spot he is teasing. You ride out the small climax as you hold him close to you, his lips trying his best to cover your sound. He rolls off onto the side, off of you.
“Paul?” you whisper, wanting him to cover you once more.
“I want to more than anything, but we need to sleep.” he says pulling you close and you snuggle up on him. You pushed the covers away, feeling like they were adding too much heat to your body. Your personal heater was already holding you.
The birds chirping and the chill air is what woke you up. The covers were around you and you looked to the side of the bed that was empty. Bunching up the blanket around you, you watched in horror as the door opens. Paul’s head calms your heart race down. He sees the look on your face and chuckles at it. He closes and locks the door back and climbs into bed next to you, discarding his shorts of course.
He didn’t fight for the covers, lying on his back, he relaxed as his erection stood straight up in the air. His eyes are focused on you with his head face you, pulling you in with a lustful kiss. He roughly pulls the blanket away from your grasp and off around you as he pulls you over him. He makes you sit up by pulling you off of his lips, making your legs go side by side of his neck, pulling you up to his face.
“Wait-” you whisper.
“They’re not here.” he says and doesn’t wait for anything before lapping you up. You felt your body relax down onto him, feeling his hands travel up your stomach and i onto your breasts. Squeezing them and lazily running his fingers over your nipples. Your head was to the air, as if to thank the universe for giving him to you. The stimulation was almost too much. A tight grip was on his hair, your body was shaking slightly as you looked down at what was happening to you. You continue to rock on him, with him not caring, he was allowing his tongue to collect all of you. He wasn’t Paul to you. He was alot of “oh gods” and a lot of vowels.
Letting you slide off of him, he takes your hand to pump and feel on him and he bucks his hips into your hand. You look at your hand that’s feeling on his heavy, thick flesh. Watching your hand jerk and feel in directions that made him groan. “Look at me.” he says as he lifts your chin up and you snap your eyes up. He wants you to watch his reaction to you pumping him. The looks he’s giving makes you pump him more sensually, the sight alone is making you feel deeply excited. He was fucking you with his eyes. Going as far as moaning your name out as he holds your gaze. Your breathing is hitched as the sex gaze that he gives you is burning your eyes. He climbed over and in between you with your legs spread out for him. Sinking himself in you, you both let out a breathy noise. You legs immediately go wrap around him, trying to keep him close to you. Pressed into you and snapping his hips into yours, you squeeze your eyes shut and grip on the strong arms that’s next to you, as he touches the deepest parts of you. He’s stretching you out but you don’t care. You feel yourself pulsaste when he pushes in and out you. He stops for a moment, feeling your insides rapidly squeeze him, wanting him to keep going. He moves slowly, soaking up all the feeling of you. His hips going in circular motions as you hang tight on his arms, crying his name out softly.
Both panting, he detached himself and flips you onto your knees, entering you with one thrust. You gasp as your head droops down and moan. Your fingers bunched up the sheets. It really felt like you felt all of him. Your breath hitches as he pumps in and out. Feeling the same feeling of satisfaction overcome you, you feel yourself buck back on him. He kneads his hands and fingers on the meaty part of your bottom. He takes his hands and rubs one on the pearl of your gateway, pulling and massaging your breast. He leans forward and you feel his rough but gentle hands on your shoulders pulling you to him in a rhythm that makes you a babbling out incoherent words. His hands feel up and down your back as you contort your face from pleasure. You feel kisses on your neck and soon little nips. It didn’t hurt, in fact it excited you more. Open mouth kisses were attached on neck as he picks up the pace, holding you close to him. You shook and trembled against him. You went breathless as your whole body shook, he pulls back and spills his mess into his hand.
You both showered together, rubbing soap on each other’s bodies. The moment felt so right. So right, that you two never wanted this moment to end. Sam and Emily weren’t back yet so after getting dressed with Paul’s big shirt and your pants, not worrying about putting on a bra, you made him breakfast. He was counting down the days you can finally move in with him.
Soon, Jared and Kim comes strolling in through the door. You lost your appetite as Jared greets you and Paul. Kim comes and flings her arms over you, giving you a hug, but you stay frozen. Not moving a muscle to return any type of affection. You instead stand up and take you and Paul’s now empty plates to the sink.
“Where are you guys going?” Kim asks as she sees you both walk out of the door.
“We’ll be back.” Paul says and closes the door.
Paul placed his arms behind his head, laying back on your bed, as you got dressed in fresh clothes.
“I don’t get how she just acts as if she didn’t totally betray me.” you say pulling a top over your body.
Paul shakes her head, “It’s pretty fucked up,” he then quickly changes the subject, “You know, there’s a fine arts center in Port Angeles that we can go to. It’s still early.” he suggests. He wanted you to be surrounded by something you liked.
“Oh. Sure.” You say a bit surprised.
You holds your hand as you both walk close to each other through the city. Walking through the space and the environment, you were entranced. Watching different perspectives of art in the fine arts center made you feel at ease. It definitely brought you back to a level headed space. Reminding you of why you love what you do so much. You documented certain pieces that caught your attention. Adding it to your digital profile, showcasing your day.
It felt nice. You and Paul laughed a lot, making new memories together. Holding each other’s hand and being so close together felt so nice. While you were out, an idea popped in your head. You wanted to make him a piece for when he moves into his new place.
Paul takes your duffle bag out of his car as you climb up Emily’s steps. Your hand twists open her front door. Emily looks up from her mixing bowl and smiles brightly at the sight of you. You smile back, taking off your shoes and give her a quick hug from the side, her hands were occupied.
Kim, coming out of the living room, watches Paul take your bag into his room.
“Jeez… Are you moving in?” she says to you in a teasing tone but you don’t even give her any of your eyesight or acknowledgment.
“Hey, Em do you mind if I give you a hand?” you ask Emily softly.
“Of course not!” Emily says excitedly, loving your help.
You roll your sleeves up and wash your hands. The soap swirls down the drain, you dry your hands.
“So, how was your day?” Emily asks you as you help her place her homemade rolls on a baking sheet. Kim is sitting there, not helping, but instead has one elbow on the table and one on the back of her chair that she is sitting in. She watched while paying attention to the conversation.
You grin at the day that you had, “It was great. How about yours? You and Sam weren’t here when we woke up.” you had plans to go into more detail about the art you seen when a certain someone wasn’t around.
She then grinned at the day that she had herself, “Sam treated me out to breakfast. He claims I don’t take a from cooking enough.” she tinkles a laugh and you join in while nodding, “You cook so much for us. You deserve to have a break.”
Emily smiles at you and then takes the baking sheet into the oven and closes the oven door.
“I don’t mind really. I wish Kim would help out more.” Emily says and jokes at the last part.
“I don’t think you need her help.” you mutter out, “I’m going to go change.”
“Watch your mouth. You don’t have to let her know I’m a terrible cook.” Kim says in a teasing tone, still thinking you two are at that level.
You walk around Emily’s island, towards the direction of the hallway, “And friend.” you say under your breath.
You go in and shut the door and Paul sits up from the bed, pulls his headphones off. Getting up, he pulls you towards him, making you giggle softly. He brushes his lips on the side of your neck, your arm wraps around him as you pull him closer.
A door flings open, with Kim standing at the doorway. You and Paul’s head snaps up at the sight. Her face is scrunched with confusion, her arms are crossed.
“What do you mean “and friend” ?” she asks, wanting to know instantly.
“You need to learn how to knock.” Paul says in a nasty tone, baffled at her audaciousness.
Kim ignores him and moves in, walking closer to you. You unwrapped yourself from Paul and faced her, crossing your own arms. You stared her down. Your adrenaline ran high, knowing no good was going to come out of this.
“What are you talking about, Y/N?” Kim asks louder. You just look at her with a bored expression. You weren’t going to feed into giving her answers when she should know exactly what she did.
Emily comes in, hearing what’s going on, “Come on, Kim. She wants to change.”
“No! What are you talking about, Y/N. You want to say stuff under your breath and then run and hide under Paul.” Kim says in a way that showed she wanted you to feel great shame.
“You know. Now get out.” you say in a calm but spiteful manner.
“Come on, Kim.” Emily says, trying to persuade her to leave as well.
She steps closer, her face contorting into an angry scowl, “Or what?! You’re going to sick your stupid little dog on me?!”
The insult felt like a blow to you, without thinking, you slam your first into her mouth, wanting her to shut it. Emily gasps and placed her hands to her mouth. Kim stumbles back, looking at you in disbelief, “He rubbed off on you more than I thought!”
You go to lunge forward but you didn’t get a chance to, Paul’s arms wrap your waist and turning you right around, away from her. He holds out his hand, gesturing towards Kim, “Kim. Leave. Trust me, this is not a fight you are going to win.”
Jared now comes into view, “Kim, come on.” You watch as she tongues her bloody lip, infuriated that she didn’t get her way. Jared manually grabs her and takes her out of the room.
Sitting in silence, Paul letting you collect your thoughts, Sam knocks and comes in with invitation.
“Y/N. Paul. Come out.” he orders.
You all sit at the table. The tension was so thick that the knife to cut it broke. The hot food that nobody paid attention to on the table didn’t produce more steam than both you and Kim. You couldn’t look at her face, so you look down, pissed as all hell.
“We’re not doing this. We need each other more than ever right now than to be fighting amongst each other,” Sam goes on to say, leaving no room for discussion, “I’m not letting petty drama separate us right now. Let’s eat.”
The clinks of plates, besides the awkward silence, hit everybody’s ears. You weren’t hungry at all but you still picked up small pieces of food to eat. You were willing to just not speak to her. Kim wasn’t satisfied. You look up to find her still throwing you dirty glances. You roll your eyes hard.
“This is great, Em.” Sam silently says to Emily, she gazes at him with a blush and smiles, “Thank you.”
“Y/N, I know I told Paul to bring you anyways, but are you coming to my party this weekend?” Jared quietly asked trying to bring light to the storm.
You shrug but you didn’t want to take your anger out on him, he did nothing wrong. “I don’t know, really.” You say to him in a quiet but polite tone. He nods understandably and look back down at his food.
“Daddy dearest didn’t give his permission yet.” Kim bitterly says under her own breath.
You put your fork down as Sam authoritatively says, “Kim. Stop.”
“I don’t like to attend the same events as sneaks.” you smartly say with your arms folded in front of you as you narrow your eyes at the girl diagonally in front of you.
“You’re calling me a sneak?” she says while scoffing and shaking her head, “The sneak is sitting right there. The one who likes to draw drawings of his rondevuets!” She finishes. Your heart drops as you stand up but Jared throws his fork down and stands as well, “I gotta take you home. The hell is wrong with you?” He says. You never heard Jared talk in a nasty tone to anyone, ever.
Kim throws her fork down, keeping the anger in her eyes as you watch her leave out of the door. You empty your plate and go into the room. You put a jacket on and dig into your bag. You brought it to help you calm your levels before your trip but you put the lighter, small baggy, and small handmade smoking pipe in your jacket pocket.
You walk, not caring the wind is blowing your hair in crazy directions. You walk to the side of Sam’s house and lean against it. You inhale and hold the indica smoke and blow out. You didn’t want to think, so you just stared ahead at the trees.
You hear footsteps and know without having to turn around that it’s Paul.
“Are you alright?” he asks you. You shrug the one shoulder that’s not leaned against the house.
Paul walks closer, looking down beside him at you, suggests to you in the softest tone that he could speak in, “Let’s talk.”
“About what?” you say in a barely audible voice, putting everything back into your pocket, feeling the effects kick in. You didn’t care enough right now to talk about it.
“I don’t want you to think that what she said is true. It’s not.”
“Okay.” you say still not meeting his gaze.
“Y/N, I’m serious.”
“Okay.” you say again trying to let him know that that’s what you already said the first time.
You turn around and walk in the direction of the house, he follows you. You peel your jacket off and set it back on the hanger in his closet, climb into bed and lay on your side. You don’t turn over to face the wall when he comes into the room, you instead close your eyes.
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the-bi-space-ace · 7 months ago
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I'm back on my Echo and Crosshair bullshit and none of you can stop me.
I think Crosshair has never felt such an urge to yap at someone before Echo showed up. He is so confused by it, just as much as Hunter, Wrecker, and Tech are, but the moment Echo joins them and spends daily life with them all he wants to do is talk. He follows Echo around at night after missions, chatting, without even realizing it. He tells stories, updates him on their first ever missions, actually shares random thoughts that pass through his mind. The moment they're back on the Marauder and done for the day he just can't stop himself. He tries, oh boy he tries. He has to straight up cover his mouth with his hand sometimes because whatever is happening to him is unbelievably embarrassing. And Echo has no idea this is out of the ordinary. He just assumes this is how Crosshair is. He is near silent around anyone outside of the squad, only opening his mouth to say something snarky, and when they're alone he lets all of those pent up words out. Echo just lets it happen. And he's happy to have someone to distract him.
Hunter, in particular, is perplexed. This simple, snarky, quiet man he's known forever is sitting on his bunk wide eyed telling Echo his like fifth fucking story and Echo is just nodding along, interjecting where it fits, and is none the wiser that this is not typical Crosshair behavior.
Hunter: what the fuck is happening? Tech: *looks where Hunter is staring* Ah, yes, I believe this is what they call 'making a new friend.' It makes sense that you'd have no idea what that's like since we do not have any other friends. *walks off* Hunter: >:(
The image of Crosshair being so pissed about wanting to yap is so funny to me. He has this battle inside himself like why do I want to talk to him so much this is so humiliating I can't believe this is happening to me what is going on and Echo is just like cool I am making new friends isn't this wonderful? All my new friends want to talk to me :)
Cross starts to mellow out after they get used to Echo being around all the time and soon they start switching off who is quietly sitting and listening while the other chats without pause or breaks.
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rappihahh · 12 days ago
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Cracked open
(Yeah, this is a trans allegory, lore dump, and doodles under cut)
I've grown really fond of the transfem Gabriel headcanon for a while, mostly because of a really good analysis I saw and it led me to this.
Alright, so lore: basically, when fighting V1 in 6-2, Gabriel starts to feel a certain way, lighter and more freeing, and some of hits manage to damage the helmet. When losing, a chunk of it literally falls off, revealing part of Gabriel's face and left eye. Gabriel perplexed by this wave of unknown emotions and strange relief, leaves, and well the whole, reflecting by the camp fire and facing the council happens, but slightly different. Not only does Gabriel ponder about faith but also about her identity, the amount of roles she was given, and had to fulfill with no thought from her whatsoever and how much it really affected her. Eventually, she faces the council the same way we know but with the difference of being even more rebellious by changing her identity to something she actually does feel like. (So you could assume the helmet breaking is a direct metaphor of egg cracks.... yeah so original oooohhhhh/j)
I could make something with more lore but I'm too busy simping over her because I grew obsessed with her appearance and I love picturing silly goofy Gav1el scenarios of "Machine obsessed with wife 3 times it's size" and such, it's funny.
Some doodles of how she'll look like at one point:
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I love picturing her as just mostly tired after everything, don't know why.
Let me know if you want more :>
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angeliteeyes · 4 months ago
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Hi hi, love your writing.
If it’s okay with you could you do smth for a long lived character like Yae Miko or herta or Ganyu(preferably at least one of these three or your choice really it’s your blog) with a gn partner who’s insecure bc they’re in the mindset of “omg they’re so (respectfully) much older than me they must have lots of experience how could I compare to that?” How would they react to partners fears? What comes out of that? Hope you have a lovely evening/morning/night/ timezone
Aww thank you so much, you're too kind 🩷
We must've been on the same wavelength cause I was thinking of writing something for Yae Miko next! So I'm extra thankful for the scenario (*^▽^*) here you go!
Yae Miko x Insecure Reader
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♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤
You never expected her to accept your confession.
All you intended was an opportunity to get your feelings off your chest, a way to inevitably be let down so that you could move forward with no regrets. So when her eternally perfect lips curved into a smile and you two became lovers, you were... a little unnerved, honestly. Grateful, of course, but it left you with many questions lingering in your mind.
For starters, there was the fact that you were of a much shorter lifespan. You had expected someone of her immense wisdom and experience to only go for equally mature partners. Not someone like you. In comparison, you were a mere minuscule blip in time, someone so minor that you'd hardly even be worth acknowledging.
And yet she did anyway. She even went as far as to instruct you to visit her at the shrine every single day—not that you minded, of course. You always adored the elegance she would exude whenever you visited the shrine to pray.
As you tenuously made your way up the steps, a certain pink-haired kitsune caught your eye. She appeared busy speaking to another shrine worker. You looked away. Of course, there's nothing wrong with her talking to other people, it's just... well, you fell in love with her so easily. Why wouldn't others? And if one of them decided to shoot their shot, maybe she would—
"You're overthinking again, aren't you?"
You jumped as you felt a sudden hand touching your shoulder, before realizing who it was. Looking up at her perfect face, your heart melted a little.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you. Just zoned out a little." Telling her the full truth, especially in such a public place, would be far too embarrassing.
"Well, if you're that keen on getting lost in your own head, why don't you take a stroll with me? There's a spot nearby with a lovely view." This wasn't a request, as you quickly learned. Without giving you a chance to respond, she tugged you along a path, eventually finding yourselves at a grassy hill. You turned to look at Yae.
"Why did we stop?" In response, she lifted her index fingers to your lips.
"Shhh. Keep talking and you'll miss it."
Just a moment later, you heard a strange sound. Your eyes followed the noise up. Before you could ponder its source, a cascade of flashy, colorful lights bombarded your senses with beautiful images—each one in some way pertaining to your interests. First, your favorite food, then various hobbies-related ones, and so on. They were absolutely mesmerizing, like nothing you'd seen before. Slowly, they began to fade and fizzle out.
"Do you think less of them for how short-lived they are?"
The question perplexed you. If you were honest, you nearly forgot you were even here with company given how enthralled you were.
"What do you mean? Uh, I guess not..." She smirked at you with her signature all-knowing smile.
"Of course you don't. Although they only remain in the sky for a tiny fragment of time, that merely makes them shine brighter. Funny... we live in the land of eternity, but here we are awestruck by the most temporary of things." You nod timidly.
"Humans are much the same way, don't you think? Especially you, darling. Your life will come and go quickly, and yet while you're here, you glow so brightly I can hardly look away."
Her proclamation made your stomach flutter a little. How could she mean that? You could hardly even imagine the amount of people she's met, and the number of people who must've asked her out... it made you queasy.
"I don't... I don't know about that, Yae. I mean, I'm just so simple compared to you. You've lived so long and done so many great things, and I'm just—I don't know. I can't compare to you or other people."
Yae, predictably, frowned at you and adorned her face with a cold glare she often puts on during frustrating situations.
"And since when do you get to decide my opinion of you? Honestly."
But as much as she disapproved, you couldn't shake off what you deemed as the undeniable truth.
"Yae, be honest. Why did you really go out with me? I've seen how many people you've rejected before, so it doesn't seem like just pity, and I know my life hasn't been all that special. So... what is it about me?" The words you'd been holding in rapidly flowed out of you as tension weaved through you. Yae, on the other hand, looked oddly pleased. Happy, even.
"Hm. If I were to alter it to fit our current metaphor... I suppose you're like a firework that has yet to be lit. You may not see it yet, darling, but you're full of potential." She leaned closer to you, bumping your foreheads together gently.
"And trust me, I will stop at nothing to bring that bright light out of you."
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batmasc · 8 months ago
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You're so excited to have a girlfriend, so excited when she asks you to stay the night. When you ask her if she's ever been with a girl, she looks at you funny, but you brush it off. She's gorgeous, you love touching her, but when you have sex with anyone, something always feels off. You don't think too much of it.
When you're finally asleep, her bedside table slides open. She slips on gloves and grins to herself as she fills a syringe with a dose of testosterone. She's been longing for this moment ever since you started dating. She pinches your soft skin ever so slightly and plunges the needle in, and kisses the spot after the injection. It's a good thing you're so tired out tonight.
A few weeks pass, you don't notice anything different at first. But you feel a bit sweatier, and hornier than you've ever been. One night you reach down to touch yourself and are perplexed. Instead of a small bundle of nerves there's a hard nub there. You wonder if you should see a doctor.
Next time you see your girlfriend, she looks at you knowingly and you're not sure why. She kisses you fervently and pulls you into bed, whispering "Come on, loverboy." Maybe It was just a slip of the tongue, something about it gives you goosebumps. "Let me see that cock-"
Before you can ask, she's got her lips wrapped around your growing appendage, making you cry out. "Hold on, I'm confused-"
"Take it like a big boy, baby" she murmurs against your molten skin. You don't have it in you to argue, you're mortified that she's about to make you orgasm. And then she kisses you, hard. "See how you taste now? Just like a man should. You're taking to treatment so quickly. "
"Treatment?"
"Just a little pinch every week and you're growing a nice cock for me, and I can smell your musk and desire. Soon you'll be my perfect boyfriend. I don't think you should go home in the morning. I want to see you change, every hour, every second. "
As if under a spell, you can't find it in yourself to deny her.
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