#I'm not going anywhere

[spinfader]

Every transition timeline is amazing because everyone looks 100% healthier or happier after transitioning.

I've seen so many happy trans people today and I want to see more of us in the future.

Edit: First pic is the day right before I started HRT. Second was last week. Time flies.

[areyoualexander]

my tumblr isn't even a blog, it's just a hideous amalgamation of all my hyperfixations from the last decade.

[tapakah0]

[justwanttobelovedbyyou]

[serickswrites]

I’m Not Going Anywhere

Warnings: hospital, referenced captivity, referenced torture, unconsciousness, self sacrifice

“Caretaker, I think you should go home and get some rest,” Teammate One said as they pulled a chair up next to the one Caretaker had been camped out in since Whumpee had been brought back from surgery. 

“Can’t.” Caretaker croaked, their red-rimmed eyes never shifting from Whumpee. 

Whumpee lay on the bed, completely unmoving except for the machines that here helping them breathe. The silence in the room, save for the rhythmic beeping of the hear monitor and whooshing of air from the ventilator, was unbearable. Teammate One could barely stand it. They could only imagine how it made Caretaker feel. “You need rest. Whumpee would want you to rest.”

“Don’t tell me what they want,” Caretaker growled. “You have no idea what they want.”

“And neither do you.”

Caretaker finally looked up, mouth open in a snarl, but Teammate One cut them off. “Whumpee gave themself over to Whumper so Whumper wouldn’t hurt you. Whumpee wanted you to live and thrive. They wouldn’t want you taking yourself to the brink just to be with them.”

Caretaker closed their mouth, tears shining on their face once more. 

“Go home. Shower. Eat. Sleep. I’ll be here with Whumpee until you come back. And if anything happens,” Teammate One said as Caretaker opened their mouth to protest, “I’ll call you. Now go.”

Caretaker slowly, reluctantly left. They continued to glance back over their shoulder at Whumpee. It was only after Caretaker left did Teammate One let their own feelings consume them. They took Whumpee’s cold hand in both of theirs. “I am so sorry it took us so long to get to you. Don’t worry, Whumpee, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

[meep-meep-richie]

𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙛𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙪𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩; 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙧𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜

[magnetictapedatastorage]

every single hotel has the same shitty bathtub. you would think some of them would have a different shitty bathtub.

[bluheaven-adw]

There is nothing he could do that would ever make me love him less. I will always cherish him, I will always love him, I will always be proud of him, and I will always be here for him... no matter what.

[aussietummytickler]

CW: abandonment, emotional manipulation

How *dare* you.

How *dare* you mislead my emotions.

How *dare* you lie both directly and by omission for so long.

How *dare* you be so callously dishonest.

How *dare* you lead my heart on for over half a year and make me feel like I was actually genuinely about and my feelings reciprocated, only to completely pull the rug from under my feet and essentially admit to all of that being a two-faced lie.

You have stirred self-doubt and unworthiness that I was pushing myself to fight against, only to reopen the wound.

You have played with my feelings, my heart, and stuck with those dishonest lies for so long, only to wait until I drove 3 hours for you to finally be honest.

You have awoken abandonment issues that had lain dormant and undisturbed, only for your atrocious, pathological dishonesty and callous manipulation to surge them back and bash against my mind's doors.

I would have respected you more if you had been honest from the start. I don't care if things had ended sooner, I would rather they would have and that you had been honest with me, rather than hold onto such bold-faced lies and deception for months and lead me to feel that I'd found companionship with you.

I would have rather you never reached out in the first place.

Despite all of this, you still deserve better than what you have had done to you, and what you have done to me.

But you hurt me, very, very deeply, and you don't get to decide that you didn't.

And if I am lucky, I will never speak to or hear from you again.

Let what has been spoken into the aether be so. Let this catharsis into the void allow me the chance to heal that much more fully, like that of transgressions written onto paper, and tossed into the flames to burn to ash.

And may I never know that kind of pain and heartache again.

I am 29 this Friday. And I just want my heart not to be broken again over the course of this next year.

Let me be, forever doing my best to be better, and to heal better from that which has caused me hurt.

Let my heart heal and find worthiness once again.

And let me never find myself within your presence again.

Goodbye.

[bionicle-ramblings]

So with the AI thing going down, I'm in the process of exporting stuff and what not

Until I know it's safe to post stuff again on here, I might refrain from posting anything for a while. Wanted to be upfront with all of you because I feel like that matters. I'll reblog stuff, but I might not really be actuve with anything I post until I know it's safe and data won't get stolen

@staff I'm not mad. Just thoroughly disappointed. I thought you were running a good website, even with this AI bullshit. Guess I was wrong

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Migrations Box: Winter 2024.

I really enjoyed this subscription last year, so I'm participating again! Of the lot, I'm actually most excited for VERDIGRIS (I know, right: wild, given that cover). I love getting surprise books I'd never pick out myself hand selected and shipped directly to me.

[dark-ethereal-visions]

[cadhla182]

Jesus Christ now I have to post alt sites here now?

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Dylan_Macri (18+) Patreon: https://patreon.com/Cadhla182 Insta: https://instagram.com/cadhla182/ Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/dylanmacri.bsky.social (@/dylanmacri.bsky.social)

Patreon has free tiers now if you don't want to do a paid membership and just want the public art. Instagram on the other hand I forget about.

[icarus-suraki]

I know we're all sweating and stressing about if/when Tumblr might close, given the announcements about it being run on a skeleton crew. I'm certainly anxious about it.

I'm not sure where I'll go. Unlike the Livejournal exodus, there's no clear place for Tumblrites to go. Dreamwidth is basically a copy of an earlier iteration of Livejournal, so it made sense to go there when LJ started fucking things up. But Tumblr? There's no place like Tumblr on the current internet--which is unfair in so many ways and speaks to how corporate and commercial the internet has become and how much that sucks. And we're over here, not being marketable and not being a "good" market.

On the other hand, LJ is still kicking, despite falling out of favor, so hope is not completely lost.

But I want to make sure I can keep up with everyone just in case. Drop me a line, DM me, whatever, and I'll gladly trade contact info. I have email and Discord at the moment.

I may branch out into other sites soon too. I'm currently investigating my options. I think I have an old pillowfort account.

That said, I've been here since 2011. I'm basically fused to the servers Videodrome-style. So while I'm going to be backing things up and maybe crossposting, I'm not leaving here until they make me leave.

[ashtrayfloors]

The new road runs along the old road. I can see it still imprinted on the earth, not twenty feet away as I drive west past silos and farmsteads, fruit stands and hogs. Once in Kansas, I stood in a field and watched the stars on the horizon revolve around my ankles. People are always moving, even those standing still because the world keeps changing around them, changing them. When will the cities meet? When will they spread until there is a single city—avenue to avenue, coast to coast? What we call "the country" is an undeveloped area by the side of the road. There is no "country," there is no "road." It's one big National Park, no longer the wilderness it was. But the old world exists under the present world the way an original painting exists under a newer one. The animals know: their ancient, invisible trails cross and re-cross our own like scars that have healed long ago. Their country is not our country but another place altogether. Anything of importance there comes out of the sky. In Amarillo the wind tries to erase everything, even the future. It swoops down to scrape the desert clean as a scapula. Here among bones and bleached arroyos the sun leans through my window at dawn to let me know I'm not going anywhere. There's no more anywhere to go.

—Kurt Brown, “Road Trip”

[hummingbird-of-light]

June of Doom Day 19

19. “I’m not going anywhere.”                  

| Wound Cleaning | Guilt | Chair |

TW: deal with a demon

A/N: Alternate Universe - Demons; based on promt 11

~

Montgomery Scott fell into his armchair and just wanted to relax. The day had been very exhausting. Too many inexperienced engineers at his side, too much work for them to handle.

Repairing ships was not an easy job, but someone had to do it.

And after the five-years-mission, it had been just the right thing for Scotty. After all, he had promised Leonard to settle down on Earth for a while. His fiancé - soon husband - wanted to have solid ground under his feet. At least for a year or two.

So Scotty had agreed to take a job at the shipyard, while Leonard would teach at the Academy.

"Hey there, how was your day?"

His fiancé's voice made the Scotsman turn his head and he smiled tiredly at the doctor.

"Exhausting. I just want to eat and then go to bed."

At hearing that, Leonard pouted playfully.

"Aw man, I thought we'd enjoy our evening together."

Scotty couldn't help but chuckle. He knew what his love was referring to.

"Well, maybe I don't have to sleep right away. There's... other stuff we could do in bed."

He grabbed Leonard's collar and pulled him in for a kiss, when suddenly the door bell rang.

Slowly, Leonard parted their lips and glanced over his shoulder.

"Are you expecting someone?"

Scotty shook his head, so his fiancé headed to the door. The Scotsman heard it getting opened... and frowned.

"Uhm, hello. Can I help you, Sir?"

Apparently Leonard didn't know their visitor.

But when Scotty heard the voice answering, his blood froze in his veins. No... no, no, no... it couldn't be! Ten years weren't over yet! It was impossible!

"Hello, Leonard. I'm here for Montgomery."

Steps followed, accompanied by the doctor's voice.

"E-excuse me? You can't just come in. Who are you anyway?"

Scotty already stood upright when a familar dark-haired man in a suit entered the living room.

His eyes widened in shock.

"Ye... what are ye doing here?"

Leonard, who had stepped into the room right after the man, looked at his fiancé in confusion.

"You know that guy?"

A grin crossed the other's face.

"Oh, of course he does. I'm just surprised that he didn't tell you about me. The name's Khan."

The man quickly grabbed Leonard's hand and shook it, but the doctor pulled it away instantly.

"What- who do you think you are? Invading our house just like that! I want you to leave right now, Sir!"

"Oh no, Lenny, I'm not going anywhere. At least not without my payment."

Khan's eyes fell onto Scott who shook his head in disbelief, which made the smile on the man's face grew even wider.

"It hasn't been ten years! My time's not up yet!"

At that, the man in black just shook his head, chuckling coldly.

"Oh, but it is. On Kliruik IV exactly ten years have passed today."

The moment realization hit Scotty, his heart sank to his stomach. And his pulse started to race.

"But... ye... ye never said...", he started to stammer and Khan just laughed, walking closer to him.

"We made the deal on Kliruik. So we follow the time of Kliruik."

Scotty shook his head. It had only been three years of his life!

"Ye betrayed me!"

"No, I didn't."

"H-hold on a second. Would someone care to explain to me what the hell you're talking about?!" Leonard interrupted them. 

Both men looked at the doctor.

"Oh, hell - that's a good cue - isn't it, Montgomery?"

The Scotsman swallowed hardly. Tears formed in his eyes as a feeling of guilt and regret washed over his body.

"Scotty?"

Leonard looked at his fiancé expectantly, arms crossed.

"I... I'm so sorry, Leonard. I... I meant to tell ye, I really did, but..."

But what? Why had he never told his love about what he had done for him?

Maybe... because had been scared. And... because he had thought that he'd have time to find a way.

"What? What did you mean to tell me?" Leonard's eyes narrowed in confusion.

Khan vanished for a moment, only to reappear right behind Scott a moment later.

"Tell him, honey. Tell him the truth."

A cold whisper touched Scotty's ear and he trembled.

"Khan... is... is a demon. And I... made a deal with him."

For a moment, silence fell over the room. Scotty just stared at Leonard, some tears starting to fall.

And Leonard? He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.

"When... ye were sick back then on the mission and... and Christine said that ye'd die... I had no choice."

Carefully, Scotty took a few steps forward, grabbing both of his fiancé's hands.

"I... I didn't want to lose ye."

Leonard blinked a few times, before he shook his head.

"What... what does he mean by payment?"

The doctor glanced at the demon, before he looked back into his love's sad eyes.

"Oooo, now comes the best part."

Scotty heard Khan's gleeful voice behind him and he closed his eyes. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair!

"Scotty..."

When he heard Leonard's plead, he looked up again.

"My... soul."

It was not much more than a mere whisper leaving the Scotsman's mouth. It barely managed to pass the lump in his throat.

"You... sold your soul to a demon to save me?"

A nod was all he could manage, before he fell into Leonard's arms and hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, mo ghràdh. I... just couldn't live without ye."

He had been just so selfish. He had only thought of his own feelings.

And now... Leonard would have to go through what he had been scared of.

He'd have to live without Scotty.

"This... this is impossible. There... there are no demons."

At Leonard's disbelieving murmurs, Khan laughed even more.

"Well, I'm quite real, Lenny. And now... if you permit..."

Khan snapped his fingers and Scotty was pulled away from Leonard by an invisible force.

"Time to take what's mine."

Leonard wanted to protest. Scotty could see it. But before his fiancé could make the mistake of selling his own soul, Khan already raised his hand.

An unbearable pain filled the Scotsman's body as his soul was torn out of it. It burned and ached and he knew that he'd be punished for all the guilt he felt.

His soul would be tormented for all eternity... and he'd never know if Leonard ever forgave him.