#I'm sick of seeing SO MANY posts like this

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Epic Buddie Fic Rec | March 31st-May 15th 2025 (PART THREE)

Hey guys!! Long time no see!!

Sorry I haven't been around, you guys know the drill... The usual excuses, work, real life, been busy, yadda yadda yadda... But I'm on vacation now so I finally had time to work on a fic rec! Unfortunately, many many weeks have passed which means I have many many weeks of fics to go through to catch up 😆 oh well. We'll start with this!

parent trap by rizcriz (Post-S8E12: Disconnected | 6K | T ): Or, Buck goes to El Paso.

❤️there it is again, sitting on my chest (makes it hard to catch my breath) by Elgney (Post-Eddie moving, Angst, Getting Together | 27K | T): “She wants my kidney. That’s what fucking happened, okay? My dad needs a kidney donor and they remembered why they bothered having me in the first place. Is that what you wanted to hear? That my parents finally found a use for me after all these years?”

rack ’em up, big blonde by markofalover/ @markofalover (Getting Together | 3K | T): ...or, Eddie has a crush on Orville Peck, who totally does not look like Buck.

might as well be drunk in love by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (Buddie Roommates | 1,3K | T): OR: buck comes home drunk, and tells eddie something he didn't quite mean to.

all of my life, it's been all for you by staticsilencee (Soulmate AU, Getting Together | 10K | T): Occasionally, people’s names wouldn’t match up. It wasn’t common, and the only cases Buck had ever personally heard of had involved literal criminals, but it did happen. The other option– well. Either Buck was secretly a killer without knowing about it, or Eddie had taken one look at him and decided he wanted nothing to do with him. In some ways, Buck couldn’t even blame him.

i told my sister about you by rizcriz (Buck&May | 4K | T): “Eddie kissed me last night,” he says, quietly, carefully—it feels a bit like it’s being pulled from him, like if he doesn’t say it right here, right now, he might actually explode, but he doesn’t know how to say it, because it doesn’t make sense. Or: Buck highjacks his and May's weekly breakfast.

on a hot summer night by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (PWP, Phone Sex | 4K | E): There's another silence, a brief one. Eddie's stomach swoops like he's in freefall. Then Buck says, even lower, "What would you do? If you were here?"

Say you were made to be mine by scarmaddiewrites (A/B/O AU, Post-Eddie moving | 44K | E): Buck starts to feel sick after Eddie leaves for Texas, Eddie starts to feel sick after leaving for Texas…the two aren’t connected, right?

(someone who loves you wouldn’t do this) by justhockey (Post-Eddie moving | 7K | T): Every time Eddie steps through this front door he feels like a little kid again. But he’ll do this for Christopher. He’ll grit his teeth and he’ll grin and bear it, taking every underhanded comment and every brazen insult like a man who knows how it feels to be shot. Who knows what it takes to survive it.

Three Phone Calls by CourtepointeClementine/ @courtepointeclementine, sunlight/ @justonebigbee (Post-S8E8: Wannabes | 8K | T): Buck calls Maddie. Maddie calls Eddie. Eddie calls Buck. They get there.

And what is this? Everything by scarmaddiewrites (Post-S8E11: Holy Mother of God, Getting Together | 4K | T): Eddie and Buck’s first night as roommates…who get the room and who gets the couch?

Assigned Gay by Targeted Advertisements by sunlight/ @justonebigbee (Post-S7E10: All Fall Down, Getting Together | 11K | T): At first, Eddie thinks nothing of it. He lives in LA: there are plenty of ads specifically for queer people all over the place, so it’s not like he’s never seen a billboard with a rainbow on it. Then Buck starts talking about data privacy and the ads just keep coming, so Eddie starts to wonder if the advertising companies know something about him that he doesn’t.

im not angry anymore for what you did by staticsilencee (Post-Eddie moving | 18K | T): Eddie makes his return to Texas, determined to win his son back over- only to find that maybe his parents have been the real problem all along.

Unexpected Desires by Charlesburg (Post-S8E12: Disconnected, PWP | 6K | E): OR Buck accidentally sends Eddie the link to his anonymous erotic baking OnlyFans and Eddie loses his mind over an apron.

Holding Pattern by glorious_spoon (S8, Alive Bobby, Friends to Lovers | 2K | M): Or: kitchen scene, redux.

[cherryrkiveblog]

Dark content. Nocon. Yandere Jeonghannie. A lot of bad stuff. MDNI

Bitch I'm back. So now I just wonder

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan!

Kinda of the manly side of him. The one he accepts he is so much older than you and just want to have you on his hands. Like he's just a friend that you had since college campus and since he caught his eyes on you his instantly his sick thoughts came into life. You were there over the corner so fragile and kindness and all he had done was offer you help with the new stuff you're not used to.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who found out you were his freshman from psychology and it would be comic if weren't tragic. The way you let he in. Actually the way he just offered teach you about some concepts about the classes you're about to have but he already did so why couldn't he give you advices so you can skip some annoying morning lectures. Little don't you know that he made you quit classes so you don't catch the warnings about the sick guys who trap the young students and destroy them before graduation. And so he could teach you his own psychology concepts.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who actually got you wrapped up after 3 months cause you were smarter than he thought. You disagreed with half of the stuff he explained you about manipulation, vitimism, obsession and posession. He had no choice but gaslighting you and damn he felt no remorse at all.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who told you: it was ok feel to weird by the way you're brain were working recently if wasn't him you would be lost. Like he was there most of the time and sometimes you didn't notice at first just being aware of his presence when he appear behind you with gentle hands in your hips grounding you cause you're about to lose your shit cause you just lost you phone. "Hey, it's ok. I found it. Don't worry darling. See? It's your phone and you just left it on the table over there. Don't blame yourself on it you're just overwhelmed." He assures you in a hug and fuck it feels so good be in his arms was like the whole unniversity could burn and you wouldn't even feel it get warm.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who got his eyes on you everytime. Everyday. Every seconds and each breath of yours. He stands behind you like your shadow and everybody thinks you're dating but c'mon would such a handsome motherfucker like him with many older women head over heels to him want you? Like c'mon you're more than a decade younger than him but also so easy to have you at his spiderweb.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who enjoyed read the conversations and stuff you did on your cellphone as a hobby he just so into you and all the stupid things you do that the time flies when his attention is on you. Once. Just once or maybe twice or he just lost the counts of the days he jerked off to your dirty searches and implicit posts you do on social media. Fuck he just need get in to your soul.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who doesn't feel any bad when you start giving signs of emotional dependence and mental illness like fear of crowd, insecurity, doubting your own ability to remember things and worse the fear of being not good enough. Fuck he just felt like a God playing with his human marionette. He finaly saw the years he spent on books of mental control giving him gold.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who stands beside you keeping you in a sea of doubts till you throw yourself on him. He just such a unbothered man near his thirties just taking care of a younger girl he would never have anything. Right? Wrong. As he graduate first he waits for you while he starts a specialization in reverse psychology.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who had a hard time literally when you went congratulate him at his new apartment and hell yeah you're all smiles and so is him but not for happiness but 'cause he read you messages with the only friend he let you keep. Something like "I didn't knew this fucking career would put me in such state of mind. And the worse part is I'm so into him that even have a meal without him sounds wrong " He laughed out loud at this cause it was exactly the straight point. "You're putting yourself in such trouble" your friend answered.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Showed you his whole place telling there's a room free and if you wanted he would let you kive there with him. While he walk behind you he just imagines hundred ways to fuck you on all the furnitures arounds. Oh, you would look so fucking cute taking him from behind in front of the glass wall at the corner of living room. His mind spinnig with you in a tight skirt that he knows you're in just for him.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who months later of work and chase. Talks you through your rough days once you decide go to a neuropsychiatrist and went out with diagnosis you don't even knew it existed. "Oh my darling, this things happen with just anyone. Don't fall into it studies can break our brain sometimes but everything it's going to be fine" "You should stay the night since you have another appointment tomorrow I can go with you" and then you just walk yourself in theperfect bird cage he made just for you

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who god knows how he deal with your neuropsychiatrist and the amount of money he paid the guy to keep you blind just for him. And there were you in a single night wrapped in one of his blankets at his couch curled to him figure. His hands almost trembling as he caress your back as your perfume smells like poison to him.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who makes you cry watching a movie that makes you feel so vulnerable leaning on the crook of his neck hearing him chuckles as you grab the collar of his loose shirt. He pulls you close enough to share breathes with him your teary eyes looking at him in a fucked way that make his cock twitch inside his sweats.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who has all his doors locked up and your cellphone off so you're all his. The water he gave you to calm yourself down had a magic substance that your own doctor gave him and in half an hour has you clinging into him. Oh, he just wons in lottery or better than. "Princess you don't need to feel bad about you mental conditions. I'll keep you going, doing good for us isn't it what you want? Make your veteran proud of you?" You just hums in answer mind going numb as he fingers runs a lil to low for you liking, fingers playing with the hem of your shirt soon going up your stomach and all you do is whimper in his tight embrace.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who bite his own lips to not groan out loud when he pinches your hard nipple and you whine against his chest, eyez already dozing off and slow reflexes as he keep exploring your body.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who late down your weak body on his lap, as he grind his hard cock in your stomach having you with ass up while he just enjoy your situation. Squeezing and slapping your butt cheeks, fingers caressing your clothered core and between your tighs as all you do is whimper almost breathless far away from conscience while his hands had fun with how wet you were getting.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who grabs your hair pulling you in your back on couch so he can see your pretty face all sweat and horniness being one of the side effects of medicine he gave you. God he is in heaven. His girl. His woman. The freshman he worked so hard through five years to have all to him is finally there. Under him, spreaded out ready for him to use and get twisted. He should fuck a baby right into you so he guarantees you'll be his forever and ever.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who undress you slow and deliberate savoring every inch of skin he exposes. Your cute titties is the first part he mouths wander, he licks, bite, marks grabs with roughness in each act. Then your belly, where his hands runs like he is touching something that belong to him. And it does. There will be where you will hold his babies, where he'll make you feel every drop of his cum.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who can't hold back his euphroria after take your pants off and had to jerk off before he dives in the dark spot on your underwear. He cums in his fingers and then collects every drop spreading it on your pussy like he is drawing with some priceless tint on your clit. And then he just kiss your inner tighs, your swollen bud so he licks it as he starved for years.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who eat you out as he wants to drain your soul, your sleepy sounds was getting him off and all he did was moan like a bitch in heat on your pussy. You came so hard on his tongue mixing it with his saliva making it even more messy. He looks at your blushed face, eyes closed and swollen for the cry earlier and he never felt more happy.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who patiantly fingers you damn you were so godamn wet your slick running down his palm and wrist make nasty sounds echoes around the room. He licks his fingers tasting you cum on his tongue again.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who tease himself on your slit, tip wet by your folds lapping your clit again with his thick dick watch you move uncomfortable under him, arching your back with low strenght. He could put a condom, like what if you wake up and decide go to police and tell them he raped you? Nah, he laughed. You'll never get out of this apartment ever again. When he finishes to claim you he'll lock you own your new room till he make sure you're one hundred percent his. And he will give you his name too. His wife, mother of his kids and his property.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! His cock twicthes uncontrollably when he put it in more, he's rolling eyes moaning with no shame your tight wall warmimg him up so good that he knows he won't last long. So he does his best to make you feel good even if you can't barely feel anything. He first thrust it's almost erratic he fantasized about your cunt so much that just feeling it is pushing him to edge and he grab your hips tight nails digging into your skin it's to ground himself but actually it's not working. After fill minutes looking for composure he breath in and start to fucking you so hard and desperate the couch moving with his sharp moves and he might cum any second. His swollen tip hit hard on that sponged spot inside you the stimulation is pushing him to another timespace.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who has the most pornographic sounds out of his bited lips while he just thinks how better would it be if you're awake moaning with him. You would love be his you just don't know it yet. He just need to work a lil harder to make you see that he is all you need amd your stupid brain has no chance trying to make you believe his is the problem in your life.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who has his hair glued to his forehead, face and neck all blushed as he cums so deep that it takes it time to spill out. He just stays there breathless watching your body painted with his cum, hickeys and his hands tattoed. Smiling he kiss your abused cunt, your low belly whispering "mommy will be happy to carry our babies" and a last peck on your dry lips.

Yandere obsessed Jeonghan! Who doesn't move you for fifteen minutes praying to your fertillity accept his genes so you get one of his kids on your ovules soon. Then later after clean you and change to one of his clothes he drags you to your new captivity he shower your with his love glad that after so long you're all his by now.

[unityrain24]

hey guys, i know its been a while. I know I'm not very popular on here and I don't have many people I think value me much on here, and even within the og loki community which i love i feel sort of shunned sometimes, but i figure id give an update.

ive been dealing with some health problems (especially my depression) and been very overwhelmed. Even though its been nowhere near as bad as my health problems have been before, they were bad enough i had to. drop out of college. temporarily (hopefully), but the thought of going back still makes me sick. And i feel like such a failure.

There is some good news- I recently moved out of the toxic unhealthy environment I was stuck in for years and years, and am living with my aunt's family for a bit now. Also I finally got to see a gynocologist that actually believes what I'm saying and doesn't just dismiss me like my last two. third times a charm I guess. endometriosis spell be upon them. I also have finally gotten to start getting my piercings; I'm finally slowly getting to look more and more like myself, which is such a wonderful emotional feeling.

unsure news is that i went to a psychiatrist to try getting some official diagnoses for my ocd and other mental problems, but upon going to the evaluations, I'm not sure I trust this place and I've been really sick over what the results will likely be. My poor new septum piercing has had to deal with so much snot while its trying to heal with all the crying ive been doing over that. I'm also in the process of cutting my parents out of my life, terminating my lds membership, and will be getting a legal namechange, but with how unwell i am that is all slow-going, which I hate.

I really love tumblr and ive missed being on here very much. But the thought of reading essays and interacting with other people even on lighter posts has been very overwhelming. Also, with how my obsessive compulsive disorder works, i feel like i need to see and fully read Every Single Post Ever To Be On My Dash. Which just a week of being off tumblr would mean like an entire day, hours upon hours upon hours, of nonstop scrolling to catch up. And having been gone almost a year??? Sickening. Also the need to see every notification and every message and make the notification dot go away (which, for a while was literally impossible because id get spam messages that would get deactivated before i could open or delete them, and so then it was just a ghost brick in my inbox bc i couldnt click on it to delete it. logged onto desktop tho and can delete them here thank goodness). And then with all the gaza stuff thats like both of those things combined with added constant feelings of dread, sickness, hopelessness, and Constant Guilt. So I have not been on here.

I miss it and want to come back and have been wanting to but im just so overwhelmed :( I hope to come back soon but it just feels like so much.

[1pcii]

oh, you like the idea of zolu or find the fancontent cute but can't bring yourself to ship it because you HC Luffy to be aroace? (ignoring that asexuality and aromantisism exist on a spectrum. and that QPR's/relationship anarachy are a thing). should we tell everyone??? should we throw a fucking party???

[fandomfourever]

I know so many people think we'll get a sad ending for Squid Game, but honestly, I think there's a good chance we'll get a happy-ish or at least hopeful ending.

Why?

Because of the end of Season 1. Specifically the scene with Gi-hun and Il-nam. If HDH wanted to make things completely bleak, he could have easily written that homeless man dying out there, "proving" Il-nam right. But he didn't. In the end, we see someone helping the guy, proving Gi-hun right, that there are still other good people in the world.

I feel like that's good foreshadowing. Not saying there won't be sad moments coming, but I think in the end, we'll get something similar. A glimpse of hope and goodness, if not an outright happy ending.

Personally I'd be happy with the following scenarios:

In-ho gets a redemption arc and helps Gi-hun and Jun-ho put a stop to at least the Korean games. Possibly gets arrested but doesn't die.

In-ho starts to get a redemption arc. Gi-hun and In-ho team up as Front Men and it's implied they'll work together to take things down from the inside, but the games are still continuing currently, maybe with modifications.

Darkest I'd go with: Gi-hun genuinely becomes another Front Man with In-ho (does have a lot less faith in humanity), and there's no indication the games will stop, but Gi-hun manages to make things a little more fair for the players.

Anyway, just some thoughts I had. I'm honestly sick of super downer endings for shows. It's tedious and done to death, imo. I'd like to think HDH would rather leave us with a potentially hopeful ending. Especially since I'm pretty sure he said somewhere Gi-hun is based a little on who he used to be? If I'm remembering that right, then I'd hate to think he'd leave us with a hopeless ending.

[pronouncingitwang]

adam scott says in the "inside the episode" of 2.07 that it allows the audience to "see the magic of gemma and why she immediately took over [mark's] life and his heart" and dichen lachman describes the ep in the severance podcast as "the audience getting to know [gemma] and everyone seeing what mark had that he lost." well, what about gemma? how much do we really get to know her? what did she lose? why did mark take over her heart?

they had 50 minutes for a Gemma Episode and they spent half of it on dead wife tropes and her smiling at mark with come-hither eyes while not giving us a single new fact* about her or a relationship outside of mark and mark's family. a subversion of the dead wife trope is not just scenes later showing they had an imperfect marriage bc mark (or nobody) is the problem in all of those scenes; you need to disrupt the idea that she was the perfect wife, and i don't think we get that. so much of it is explicitly presented through mark's pov. she doesn't hurt him at any point. she's just there being lovely or victimized as he loves or neglects her. everything we learned about her past gives more depth to his current grief but contributes little to our understanding of her current suffering or motivations. that could change with time, but for a first try, i think it's an abysmally bad showing

* that wasn't in mark's 1.07 monologue, his conversations with devon and alexa, or the the you you are pdf, all of which i think did a better job than this episode

[pardonmydelays]

all jokes aside, our show is in sixteen days and i've never been more anxious about anything in my entire life

[heybaetae]

i'm so fucking tired of having to say this but please, i am begging you. don't reblog my gifs if you're going to use the tags to complain, write negative opinions, or backhanded compliments about the person in the gifs I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO done putting time into making gifs just for people to use them as an outlet to bitch and moan about stuff like the clothes, the hair, the WHATEVER. you can have your opinions but write them in a your own post and not under a creator's work oh my fucking god how is this so hard to understand

[nobodybetterlookatme]

Update 2: the germaphobia didn't win bc he sneezed so hard he cried kinda and I can't not hug the people I like when there's tears so that's where we're at now lmao I'm literally so fucked but at least I'm not doing anything the next week 😭 checked him over since caution has been thrown to the wind, dude for sure has the flu but I'm hoping I can dodge it bc I got vaccinated so fingers crossed there. Ran out of tissues, so he's resorted to napkins and his jacket which isn't nearly as hot irl as it is in fic, but this is what it's come to 😔 also he's gone through three more masks and I'm lowkey scared he's gonna run out of those too 😭😭

[voetballers]

I will say that I am extremely sorry for bringing my discussion of this situation to my blog where I'm aware that none of my followers (save for like... 4 friends who I already talk about how much I hate Dream) really want to see, but I do just want to rant about how purely disgusting this man has been as of late.

We all become aware of yet another victim of his, an underaged fan that he was acting sexually towards (a 16-17 year old whilst he was 20), someone who has contacted the proper authorities and after contacting them, posted video proof that Dream had sent the victim a SnapChat video of him moaning and saying that he wants to "fill (them) up", and says previously that Dream was in possession of CSEM, and he calls the person calling him out an "not mentally stable individual" and that "it's from a person who hates (his) guts" because 1) of course he would default to saying "oh she's crazy don't believe her" that every perpetrator loves to say, and 2) of course the kid you were acting sexual towards hates your guts. Of course a friend of someone whom you sexted when they were 16-17 and you 20 would hate your guts. That is typical behaviour of a friend — my friends hate my sexual abusers' guts. I would be upset if they didn't.

He actually confirms that he had contact with this teen, says that they "were in an awkward and weird relationship with (his) ex-girlfriend" — who is known for... also grooming his underaged fans to get sexual material from them — and still tries to paint himself as the victim. He says, verbatim, "I made the mistake of being intimate with with this completely above age friend years ago, and haven't talked to them in years", however the individual is currently 20. A few years ago, when he still had contact with his ex, the victim would have been 16-17. He doesn't deny that this happened, does not write it off, and yet still says that it is only being brought up to "kick him while (he's) down". He is a truly despicable individual, and it's sickening that he still has millions of fans whom will stay defending him, and whom still actively defend him even now. He said that the middleman (the person who made the burner account/talking publicly about it) screen recorded the video yesterday, however the victim had these videos back in 2019, when they would have been underaged.

He makes "jokes" about he, himself, liking minors, even with all this being known. The first time someone came forward, he said that it was the individual hating him. The second time, it was accusing them of defamation. This time, it's "they want to kick me while I'm down". He is vile. And this is not even counting everything else we already know about him.

[britneyshakespeare]

you know i'm usually the last person to have strong opinions on movie casting announcements but the idea of jacob elordi playing heathcliff stirs a fiery sense of indignation in my heart

[icewindandboringhorror]

Various images of things

[daybreakrising]

HEADCANONS - BLADE & Y.INGXING

i've wanted to address this for a while because whilst these two identities are completely separate, they are also not at all separate and i wanted to touch on the ways y.ingxing lingers like a shadow within blade & what that means

THE MORTAL

the main contrast i hc between the two is that where blade is characteristically more introverted, y.ingxing was extroverted. he wasn't always, but he grew into it as he aged. his lore states:

"...though y.ingxing was a shy boy in his youth, he became more confident as he grew up, and was described to be an arrogant man by many..."

so, to borrow the overused phrase, he came out of his shell and grew into a more confident, more extroverted personality.

and to focus on that last bit for a second, he was seen as arrogant by many - i have taken this to mean y.ingxing was a proud man as well as a confident one. this is a man who knew he was good at what he did and wasn't afraid to show it. add to that the varying status of the company he later keeps, it's not surprising he might have been considered arrogant. he was, after all, a member of the high cloud quintet.

THE IMMORTAL

the events of the sedition obviously changed many aspects of the man that was y.ingxing, and the traumatic repetitive deaths at j.ingliu's hands, combined with the ever-present threat that is mara, stripped away many of the aspects of his personality alongside his humanity. the man that y.ingxing had been was buried deep, shut away, never to see the light of day again.

or was he?

because there are still hints of that man within blade, and those who are close to him (especially those who knew y.ingxing) will see glimpses of him from time to time. the confidence that blade exudes, for example, is all y.ingxing. the glimpses of humanity as he is gradually, so gradually, reminded that he is not just a weapon - that is y.ingxing. when he smiles - and i mean a true, genuine smile, not a manic, mara-driven grin - it is y.ingxing who is smiling through blade's facade.

CAPACITY TO HATE; CAPACITY TO LOVE

this is a key one. an important aspect of both blade and y.ingxing. herein lies another of their greatest contrasting traits: blade is filled with hatred; y.ingxing was filled with love. love for his craft, love for the people he cared for, love for life, and yes, even love for himself.

and this, by extension, is the thing that binds them together - because in order to hate with such ferocity, one must also be able to love in the same degree. and whilst this is certainly an emotion blade does not display (or feel) too easily or readily, he inherently has the capacity for it. that he can feel such seething, bitter hatred is rooted in how deeply, achingly fiercely y.ingxing was able to love.

y.ingxing is blade's humanity. blade is the weapon; an identity crafted to suit his new existence, to separate who he was from who he is. but y.ingxing is still there. he cannot separate himself entirely from who he was (and nor, i think, does he want to).

and this shadow of who he was remains a distant echo both for the sake of his sanity (y.ingxing is too tightly woven into memories that trigger the mara; too dangerous to hold too close), and because blade has forgotten what it is to be human. his new identity is so rooted in being a weapon, in being a tool, something of use, and it has been so long now since he was y.ingxing (700+ years) that he has simply... forgotten.

blade will never again be y.ingxing - that is impossible, even if he would wish for it. too much has changed, he is too different from the man he was, and there is no going back. but he is relearning his humanity little by little, and he is discovering that it means something different to him now than it did before. he may never be him again, but y.ingxing will always be a part of him, will always influence his emotions and his actions.

he will always be y.ingxing at heart, if not in mind.

[mistrias]

anyway sue zhao i would have loved you better but i could not have loved you more

[cnl0400]

Now that L&DS Is in hot water, can I confess that even If the 3D models are nice looking, all the LIs look very boring, or Is that really a hot take? They all look like just some guy to me

[atlxolotl]

Transcript and links to Reddit under the Read more at the end

I miss my husband so goddamn much

February 27th, 2025

I (35M) divorced my husband (36M) three years ago. And God, I miss him. I asked for a divorce for a few reasons, most of which being that his depression got exponentially worse day after day and he refused to seek treatment. Sometimes he wouldn't even go into work and ended up getting fired from his job. I stayed with him for so fucking long, praying that one day he would start trying to get better. It was all I ever wanted, but that day didn't come. I sobbed the entire time signing those papers, and when I handed them to him and asked for a divorce, he just gave me the emptiest, deadest look and signed them without a word. My heart felt like it had been shattered with a hammer, anger and sadness and fear tied together in the world's tightest, ugliest knot and inset deep into my chest.

I put on a brave face for my friends, tried to frame it as shackles coming off and a new beginning, but it was a lie. It just hurt, and it keeps hurting, and it will never stop hurting. He was my soulmate. I'll never love anyone like I loved him. He used to be so sweet and loving, so passionate and happy and every other wonderful thing a man could want from another.

They say each day gets easier, but it isn't for me. It's been three years and I'm still reaching over to the other side of the bed in the morning to pull him close, and it always stings when my hands touch fabric and not his skin. It's been three years and I'm still expecting to see his car in the driveway when I get home from work. It's been three years and my heart isn't any less broken than the day he left.

I've been stalking his socials, I'll admit. He's been getting back to the gym, started meds, and I see him smiling so genuinely in these photos. He looks so incredible. Maybe if I had just waited, he would have changed his mind and went to a doctor like he is now? Or was it me that held him down? Was I making it worse?

I hope not. I wanna go over to his place and just fall into his arms and beg him to take me back. Maybe he's wishing the same thing about me. If there's even a chance I could have my boy back I feel like I should try. I'll never know otherwise.

EDIT: One: I am a homosexual man. My husband is a homosexual man. I am not a woman. Yes, I know I'm effeminate and kind of emotional. Get creative.

Two: my husband was a binge drinker. He refused treatment no matter how much I begged. We got antidepressants but he wouldn't take them. I know he's started meds now because he's posted about them and his 2 yrs sober chip that he got last month.

Three: I never stopped loving him. I never loved him any less. Near the end of our marriage, I started drinking to cope. The second I realized I was, I realized he was dragging me down with him, and I couldn't help him anymore. I didn't dip the second it got hard. Many of you are being kind of rude. I'll accept that I wasn't the perfect husband, nobody is. But claims that I never loved him are just wrong and make me feel sick to my stomach.

EDIT 2: No, I am not the catalyst for this. His depression started when his young brother died terribly and unexpectedly. It's not because he just hated me so much. We were childhood sweethearts and had been together for years when this happened.

[UPDATE] I met my husband that I divorced 3 years ago

March 2nd, 2025

Well, with Reddit's advice, I did it. A few days ago, I called my (35M) ex-husband (36M) whom I divorced after 6 years when he refused to seek treatment for his depression.

I called him later in the evening. It was the first time we'd spoken since a bit of trouble he'd had while he was still drinking 2 1/2 years ago. He picked up on the second ring. Our conversation was a little stilted at first, as to be expected, but he said he was really glad to hear from me. We ended up meeting up for coffee yesterday as so many of you suggested. I'll admit: it was kind of hard to see him, but in a good way? He looked so much better than the last time I had seen him, but he looked exactly like the man I married. He had put off a ton of weight (he gained like 75ish pounds during his struggle with depression, and before some dick says so, I didn't leave him because of his weight gain), he looked way healthier and very put together. I'll just say it: he looked incredibly hot. What made it hard was that I couldn't kiss him hello like I used to. But God, the way his eyes lit up when he saw me, I barely needed to.

We got our coffee and sat, and he updated me a little on his life in the last 3 years.

What really turned his life around was in part the divorce but moreso a DUI (nobody was hurt, he was caught a few blocks from his apartment). He's since gone to rehab and AA, gotten his license back, and had to use a breathalyzer whenever he started his car for a while. He hasn't had a drop of alcohol since and I told him I was so fucking proud of him. He's also started antidepressants, and made a point of telling me that they're not SSRIs, but when I asked what that meant he got embarrassed and told me nevermind (???). Bottom line is that they've been helping him, he's back to being a gym rat, and he's almost completely turned his life around. This was around the point I started tearing up. It just felt so good knowing he was okay. Better than okay, he was *good*.

I also apologized to him for not sticking by him. He cut me off and said I had nothing to apologize for. He was a wreck, and I was being dragged down with him. That also felt good to hear. I apologized for not contacting him much during the last 3 years. That apology, he accepted.

He was dating someone for a few months, too. He broke up with him once he tried to get him to drink on New Year's. He seemed dismissive of the guy. Guess it wasn't too serious.

We got up and went on a walk after a few hours, and I think we both realized it felt like a first date. I had to stop myself from trying to hold his hand at a few points, I'll admit. We ended up sitting on a bench in a nearby park, and I confessed.

I told him I missed him more than anything, how I never stopped loving him, and how if he wanted to, I'd love to try again from the beginning this time. We'd go to couples' therapy, keep our heads above the water, and take it slow. He was quiet for a minute before he told me something. He said he was doing better now, but there may be a time where he sunk low again. Depression isn't easily cured, and he was far from cured. He still had bad days, but he said there would be one difference: he promised he would never stop trying to improve. He was never going to give up like he did before, and refused to neglect me like he used to. If I was willing to accept that truth, he was willing to try again. I agreed, and he pulled me into an embrace and snuck a kiss to my temple. You know when it's the first warm day of spring after a cold, harsh winter, and the soft breeze and basking sun hit your skin at the same time? It felt something like that, to the 1000th degree. After a while he walked me back to my car and squeezed my hand goodbye, and the second I got inside I started sobbing like a baby. Happy tears, though.

I'm currently sitting in bed, kicking my feet like a teenage girl, texting him back and forth to schedule an actual date. He said he'd plan everything, and try his best to make up for the birthdays and anniversaries he missed. He said it would "knock my socks off." What a dork. I love being in love. Not gonna lie, this is gonna be a bit hard to explain to my friends and family. Not looking forward to those conversations, but right now I don't care. My man loves me.

Thank you to everyone who had kind words to say, and all the people that messaged me with sympathy and advice. I hope we all find happiness, and love if we want it. I never would have made the leap if y'all hadn't encouraged me. Best of luck to all of you, and sorry for the overly flowery language <3

EDIT: we've scheduled a date for tomorrow evening. I'll let people know how it went two days from now in my final (unless something big happens) update.

EDIT 2: at his place presently. Shame me not, reddit.

[FINAL UPDATE] I went on a date with my ex-husband last night

March 5th, 2025

My (35M) ex-husband (36M) and I recently reconnected. I won't go over the details of why we split or our reconciliation since I'm sure the average redditor can click buttons and most likely read. He was the one taking me out, and promised that it would, in his words, "knock my socks off" to make up for his neglect of me. He sure as hell delivered.

A little backstory, we've been together since we were 15 and 16 respectively, and have never moved out of our hometown. This year would have been our 20th anniversary (of getting together, not marriage). We were dating secretly for about five years before our parents caught us one day during summer break. The fallout from finding out their son was gay actually made his parents split. His dad wanted to send him away to conversion therapy. He's seen his father maybe once per year on average, and every time he's incredibly cold towards me. Would never refer to me as his son-in-law, only my husband's "pal." I wonder why. Anyway, not what you're here to read. I'll get on with the lore.

He picked me up from the house and wouldn't tell me where we were going, but told me to dress warmly. He ended up taking me to the place where we met: a run down ice skating rink in our town. He used to do hockey, and I spent some time trying to learn figure skating until people started beating me up for it. Both sports would practice at the same time and I remember barely being able to keep my eyes off him. We went skating, I tried to pull off a few of the moves I remembered (he only had to catch me from falling on my ass once or twice, and I won't complain about an attractive man that I love hooking his arm around my waist), and we spent an hour or so there until our feet hurt. At one point I said that my face was getting cold, so he skated around in front of me and placed his gloved hands on my cheeks to warm me up. I just about burned a hole in the ice from how hard I was blushing, I swear to God.

He wasn't done then. We left and went to dinner, specifically the restaurant where we had our first date. It's a cheap hole-in-the-wall place, seeing as we were poor teenagers when we first met. We chatted and ate food that probably took 5 years off our lives, he was an incorrigible flirt, and even held my hand underneath the table like he did all those years ago. I know I said I never stopped loving him, and I stand by that, but I think I somehow fell in love with him a thousand times over again during that meal.

At the end of dinner, he asked if I had energy for one more simple thing, to which I agreed. He took me a while out of town to a dark sky zone park, specifically the one where he proposed to me ten years ago. He set out a blanket to sit on and another to cuddle under, and we went stargazing all bundled up together. You never know how much you miss the sound of someone's heartbeat until you haven't heard it for so long. We shared a bottle of sparkling grape juice in plastic champagne flutes and dumb, giggly kisses. It felt so similar yet so different. He told me in a moment of quiet that he loved me, and oh, God. It took everything I had not to cry. I barely hesitated before asking if he wanted to change venues. He seemed surprised, but eagerly accepted.

I ended up at his place, as some of you may have seen from my edit on my second post yesterday. I wanted to take it slower than this, but it was so hard to. I was so starved of affection and hadn't been intimate with anyone for just about six years. I'm gonna keep what happened at his between us, but all I'll say is that his medication was no issue and all of you should be jealous. I woke up in his bed this morning, reached over for him, and pulled him close just like I used to do. I haven't been this happy in a long time. We had a sleepy discussion and decided to get back together, but we're not using the term boyfriends. It just feels weird after all this time. So he's my partner, or my lover. He's mine.

Thank you, reddit. Wouldn't have done it without a little push from the internet. Let's see where all this goes.