#I'm sure people can relate at some level if they can't relate to all of it lmao

[entiqua]

I love your artstyle!! Do you have any tips for drawing?

thank you so much! i'm really happy you like it!!💗 as for tips, what i would say would change drastically depending on what kind you're looking for, but some very general ones:

draw what you love and want to see most, regardless of whether anyone else wants to see it. if you don't enjoy what you're drawing it'll never come out as good or genuine as something your whole heart and soul is in. i mean you'd think this would be a no-brainer but sometimes i've had to sit back and ask myself 'if no one was ever going to see this except me, would i actually spend time drawing this?' and i was surprised by the answer

that said, it is also completely valid if your motivation for drawing is to draw for other people! there have been plenty of times where i was too artblocked to draw my own ideas but was still able to draw commissions or gifts and enjoyed it simply because making other people happy with my art makes me happy.

don't get too caught up in having a consistent art style. in my experience this 1000% hinders you

having your sense of anatomy degrade over time without you noticing because you keep drawing the same types of characters is a very real thing! if this is a concern to you be sure to draw a variety

follow a billion artists that you like the art of and you will have endless inspiration injected directly into your brain every time you open social media

my favourite practical tip for those who draw at a desk: keep a small mirror next to you at all times. absolute game changer for quickly referencing hands

if you're drawing digitally, make the canvas huge! in my experience this lets you draw messier/faster and you can't tell at all when you zoom out. if you tend to get stuck spending unnecessary amounts of time micromanaging pixels (me💀) keep it zoomed out while drawing

related to the above point, messy drawings can have far more expressiveness in them than neat and polished drawings. nowadays i never do lineart and go straight from 'barebones stickman pose' to 'varying-levels-of-coherent sketch' and use that as my lineart. sweet freedom from the sketch-looks-better-than-the-lineart phenomenon

if your goal is to improve, then you really do have to scrutinize your art, figure out what you're not satisfied with, and commit the time to focusing on it. 'practice makes perfect' kinda rubs me the wrong way because of how much i've seen it interpreted as 'just draw everyday and you'll magically improve' but genuinely it won't get you very far if you don't actively think hard about what you're trying to improve and take the steps to do it. is this a hot take idk. also hand in hand with this, not every artist is trying to improve and you shouldn't feel bad for this! maybe you just wanna make a little headshot doodle of your fave blorbo and that's your only drawing goal ever. awesome. maybe you know your art has flaws but it's passable enough to convey what you want and you're perfectly satisfied with that. (this is the stage i'm usually at). also awesome!

don't hesitate to draw something because you think it's out of your skill level. the worst that can happen if you draw it is that it comes out terribly but you learned something and can always redraw it better in the future. the worst that WILL happen if you don't draw it is that you'll never draw it. and then it will sit in the back of your brain haunting you for years. it's not like i'm speaking from experience or anything aha

look up 'hand stretches for artists' and do them if you draw a lot unless you wish to summon the wrath of the carpal tunnel demons

of course, these may not necessarily work for you, and most importantly(!) these are coming from the perspective of someone who is primarily a hobbyist. some of this won't be practical for people who need to build an audience, maintain a consistent style for work, etc. these are just things that have personally helped me over many years of drawing :)

[pleasantspark]

Dissecting the Inconsistencies in Poison (Commentary)

For some fucking reason despite this song intending to be Anti-Rape and Blake trying to be the next Michael Kovich with him trying so hard to sound like him, the song makes me think it's Pro-Rape.

I'm not above a love to cash in Another lover underneath those flashin' lights Another one of those ruthless nights Yeah, yeah, yeah

In this verse, Angel Dust is talking about his work as being a Porn Star, and how he spends time under the spotlight recording with strangers "Another lover" implies there's more than one each night.

I shoulda' guessed that this would happen I shoulda' known it when I looked in your red-hot eyes Spewin' all your red-hot lies Yeah, yeah, yeah

In this verse, he laments on how he should have guessed what had happened, and how he should have known it by telling from a red flag via Valentino. Red hot lies are also referring to manipulation.

What's the worst part of this hell? I can only blame myself

He blames himself for ending up in this Hell.

'Cause I know you're poison You're feedin' me poison Addicted to this feelin', I can't help but swallow Up your poison I made my choice, and Every night I'm livin' like there's no tomorrow

This verse conflicts me, on one hand, he's accepting of the poison and refusing the much needed help, and I am pretty sure Val isn't actively trying to isolate him from anyone else, which makes him less of a threat and all of his threats have to do with something related to making Angel Dust fuck other people. And most of the threats sound so goofy that it makes me wanna fucking cringe.

He's talking about how he has no choice but to accept the poison I get it, he's a victim but the thing is about Angel Dust as a whole is, that the song is not even representive of the fact this guy is a victim of SA, rather he's depicted as enjoying it and doing all this.

Oh-oh, oh-oh Any way you want me, baby That's the way you got me, I'll be yours My story's gonna end with me dead from your poison

Most of the time, I believe he finds himself in a place where he is trapped, although there's tons of people who he cares about. The best part of a character arc for him would technically be Angel Dust being led to believe most of the people in the Hotel were "using him" and that he is forced to stay with Val until he is showed that people care about him.

I got so good at bein' untrue I got so good at tellin' you what you wanna hear I disassociate, disappear Yeah, yeah, yeah So far beyond difficult to resist another gulp

In this verse, he is completely talking about losing himself, and falling into the gulp of Val's poison. Which we don't see any of.

Yeah, I know it's poison You're feedin' me poison I'm chokin' from the taste and I can't help but swallow Up your poison I made my choice, and Every night I'm wasted like there's no tomorrow Oh-oh, oh-oh Any way you want me, baby That's the way you got me, I'll be yours My story's gonna end with me dead from your poison Poison, I'm drownin' in poison I'm fillin' up my glass but it's always hollow Full of poison, I'm sick of the poison Wish I had something to live for tomorrow…

And it ends with him having a (semi) realistic panic attack to distract us from the fact that Angel Dust deadass sang a Love Song about his abuser.

This is a Pop Song.

I feel like making a song about anti-rape SHOULDN'T be something like Pop, it's too cheerful and makes it insensitive. I feel like something on the level of Nirvana can actually work out.

In Conclusion, while Poison is catchy, it's NOT a good song at all, and gives me mixed signals. Compared to Addict its a complete downgrade of it, beyond the vocals and lyrics. No 8 year old should be listening to this, and no one should "Cum" to the visuals VivziePop.

[an-eldritch-peredhel]

#dang it do i have a new oc now

Sounds like!! I'd love to hear more if you've got it!

(referring to my tags on this post)

You will meet a stranger, sometimes, if you make a habit to frequent taverns, inns, halls for game, or even the one tree where the young Bracegirdle cousins sneak off to play marbles. Well, you will like as not meet many strangers, except in the last case, but this one will be different. Or perhaps you get lucky, and don't frequent such places, but find yourself in one unexpectedly, and meet them regardless.

Everyone in Gondor knows someone who knows someone who met Lady Luck, no one has met her themself. If you do, starry-eyed romantics say, you'll be blessed with good fortune for all your days. The pragmatists tell you you'll be blessed with the good sense to discern a scam.

He may smirk at you after winning a bet, some dark-haired man, using his earnings to buy a round for the bar. It's always a different man, but it always goes to Alwed's tab. It keeps the crowd from getting too rowdy, even if the more superstitious get on edge.

No one remembers meeting them the first time, but dwarves with common sense avoid Audr's shell games and silver-toothed smile- you always win, but it's never worth it.

A woman with greying-gold hair and stiff fingers might call herself Eadrun, and challenge you to a game of dice. Few decline, and far fewer win.

For as few elves remain in Middle Earth, the one who calls himself Herendil and laughs as though his name is a joke should be recognizable. He seems young and lighthearted in a way most have lost, but he will play you cards, win just as much as he loses, and disappear, never recognized.

A hobbit-lass may giggle, red curls gleaming in the sun, and introduce herself as Peony Sandheaver, her family is visiting from Bree, and she wants to see how Shire-hobbits play Jacks.

Sometimes an orc prays over a set of knucklebones, knowing that at least one god will hear one prayer. Orcs have little luck in battle, but uncanny luck with dice.

There are countless stories, just as many true as not. Countless names, far more unnamed figures, always just out of place enough wherever they are to be interesting and promise new tales, never enough to provoke suspicion, not at first.

Even those in the Blessed Realm may find this dark-eyed stranger. Always dark-eyed, like bottles of dark glass. They stop by Aulë's workshop on occasion, to learn and suggest and play new games. They never win the first round, but most have the sense not to bet anything they aren't willing to lose on the second.

Oromë's people call them Umbarnica with a laugh and a toast in welcome. They thrive in the drunken revels after a successful hunt, sharp as ever as they dance from game to game, cackling at ill-advised propositions offered as collateral for or against a bet. Usually this means them winning to avoid it, a frequent enough occurrence as-is, but every now and then they'll decide to let someone get lucky. The bragging rights are the real reward.

And there are no guarantees with this stranger. No way to ensure their favor, though many ways to get their attention, few good. They like irony, take pleasure in hubris reaching its fall. They love superstition, even if they don't always honor it, and they love stories. There are gods that can be mistaken for kind, they are not one of them, created to serve the king the Dark Lord could have been. Their favorites are fickle, their grudges subtle but long-held. They love cheaters, unless they're at the end of the attempt. They will always catch you, and you will always regret it. They slink through candle-shadows and pipe-smoke, grinning, dance in town squares turned to faire grounds, curl up on comfy chairs indoors on rainy days.

But sometimes, in these days, you won't meet a stranger at all. Sometimes your storyteller will get a bright-dark glint in their eyes, and some dice will roll strangely high and some dice will roll strangely low and either way the story will be better for it. And if the next time the group meets you need to take a moment to remind the storyteller exactly what happened last session, well. That's why you take notes.

So pray to the dice-god, card-master, quick-sighted. It might do you no good, but they love superstition, and they love stories. And when you play a dark-eyed stranger, don't cheat at cards.

[pumpkinrootbeer]

Hardware Store is a Weird Al song. During the bridge, he lists off a bunch of different tools and appliances very quickly, which I suppose could be considered "rap" if you've never listened to an actual rap song.

ANOTHER?? ANOTHER WEIRD AL SONG? IN THE POST ABOUT HOW WHITE PEOPLE CANT BE NORMAL ABOUT RAP MUSIC ?

[dan-crimes]

Me when I have to physically exist in the world 😩😩

Like I enjoy existing in the world but I don't really like how it feels a majority of the time like sure there are some nice feeling things like when ur bed is extra comfy bcuz of how tired you are or the cool temperature with a light breeze and you feel urself sway with the trees and the feeling of rain etc etc

Like sure those things are amazing love em BUT if I could enjoy all the stuff without like a PHYSICAL LIVING BODY with like organs and blood and stuff then that would be like ideal peak living conditions

[neptuneiris]

could you pretend to be in love? (06/10)

The Connection

pairing: modern!aemond × fem!reader (fake dating)

summary: an unexpected person from the past shows up and there is a family dinner to attend, resulting in disastrous thoughts and difficult decisions.

word count: 8.9k

previous part • next chapter • series masterlist

the chapter is finally here!

sorry it took me so long, if you didn't see my last post go do it and you'll know why👀 but we can put it behind us now and I'm excited to tell you that the next chapter will finally give us that next level we've been waiting for so long!

I really hope it won't take me that long but for now, let's enjoy this new chapter and as always, I'll be very anxious to read your comments🥰

enjoy!

The day of the dinner is slowly approaching.

And you still don't feel completely sure about it. However, despite your doubts and worries, you haven't backed out.

Mostly you think about what you're going to tell Aemond's mother by way of ruining things out of nervousness. Of course he should have already given her information about the relationship, but you're worried that she'll ask you questions and you won't know how to answer.

But that's not the reason she wants to get to know you… is it?

You think she probably just wants to know more about you, your likings, your non likings, your aspirations in life, your dreams, your family and things related to that.

Right?

You just hope so.

You've never done this before, meeting a guy's parents, ever. And you just get more nervous and feel more pressure knowing that Aegon and Helaena will be there too.

As well as you also feel guilty about the fact that they all think that you and Aemond are for real and you're just going to go there and convince them and assure them that you and Aemond are crazy about each other… when it's not true.

Now it's Thursday, tomorrow is dinner and Aemond doesn't seem at all concerned about it, when your thoughts are being completely tormented with it.

Still, you listen attentively to his words as you put away some books in your locker and he's standing next to you, leaning against the lockers, with the Romeo and Juliet book in his hands.

"Why did you make me read this shit? It's too hard to read and I don't like it," he says longingly.

You look away from your books to him and place a small amused smile on your lips at the sight of his face.

"It's like poetry and I don't like poetry, I don't understand it," he says frustrated, "I don't understand any of the weird rhyming they say."

"Well, Shakespeare has a unique way of expressing himself."

"Yeah, but what does he mean by 'My lips, two humble blazons, are ready to seal with a kiss softly'?" he recites reading the phrase with his brows furrowed and you let out a small laugh.

"Shakespeare loved beauty in words, even if it meant complicating things a bit."

"Yeah but why can't he just kiss her and be done with it without saying these weird words that give me cringe?"

"Come on," you give him an incredulous look, "It's romantic. The whole book is romantic with a tragic ending."

"This is definitely not romantic," he says incredulously and shaking his head, "It's weird, boring and makes me want to puke."

You look at him with a pout.

"You're not romantic at all."

"Excuse me?"

He immediately comes to defend himself, staring at you incredulously and completely indignant.

"I can be extremely romantic, thank you very much."

You raise your hands in a gesture of surrender, with a small smile as you see the spark of amusement in his gaze.

"You of all people should know that, you've witnessed it and you're the reason I do it mostly," he adds.

"But that's not… you know," you give him an expectant, knowing look.

"It's still romantic."

"No, it's not," you say with a laugh.

At your playful response, still busy at your locker, you don't notice and Aemond suddenly approaches. He takes your chin with one of his hands gently but firmly enough, causing you to look up at him, catching you off guard.

"What did you just say, my love?" he asks with a mischievous smile and amusement in his gaze, appearing serious and warning.

He brings his face closer to yours with a demanding gaze and your heart begins to pound as you let yourself be carried away by his proximity.

It is clear that he is going to kiss you, what does this mean if not kiss you? So you watch him expectantly and with your face lifted towards him, really looking forward to the sweet contact, your lips inches from his.

But first Aemond looks around briefly, wanting to make sure that some students in the hallway are watching you. When then, you see that he is overlooking a specific spot in the hallway.

You see how there is a slight glint in his eye and then he no longer moves.

You frown slightly, waiting. And before you can say or do anything, Aemond suddenly pulls away.

Confusion overtakes you and he clears his throat by averting his gaze, then smiles softly at you as if he wasn't about to kiss you seconds ago.

"Then I'll be more romantic next time," he says, taking his distance from you, as if trying to minimize the tense moment you've just shared.

Was he going to kiss you or not?

You can't just tell him to kiss you either, that he was going to, since this isn't real but… the change in his behavior confuses you, you don't quite understand what just happened and you don't know what to say.

"I have to go to the field now," he tells you, averting his gaze for a moment before looking at you again, "I'll see you in class, okay?"

"Hum… yeah, yeah, okay," you nod, still confused.

He gives you one last smile and before leaving, he gives your shoulder a light squeeze with his hand, another gesture that catches you off guard. Without a kiss on your forehead or cheek, as he usually does, he walks away.

You stand in the hallway, watching him go, with a mix of emotions you can't help but feel confused, uncertain and... disappointed.

Questions swirl around in your mind, but you don't have any answers. So shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you close your locker door and head to your next class.

Eventually you continue to run into him and he acts normal, as usual. He sits next to you in class, does the teacher's requested activities with you, and walks with you through the halls to the next class.

And everything is…normal, in a way.

Although he's still being kind and attentive, he's not being as affectionate as usual.

You can see how he's distracted, deep in thought from time to time, something is on his mind, something that you have no idea what it is but that keeps you alert, confused and makes you feel completely different from previous days.

You sense that the dynamic between you today has changed somehow, leaving you feeling bewildered.

And you don't know why.

Although it's not until break time that you find yourself sitting at a table alone, still feeling this awkwardness, when Alysanne comes in and drops the big bombshell on you that makes all the sense in the world.

"Why are you here eating so casually when I just saw your boyfriend catching up with his other ex-girlfriend?"

You raise your gaze to her almost instantly, with a mixture of surprise and confusion, a knot forming in your stomach as the weight of her words settle on your shoulders.

"What?"

"Yeah, Floris Baratheon," she says, then looks at you slightly confused, "How did you not know this?"

"What?" you repeat, not understanding.

"Floris Baratheon," she repeats to you slowly and clearly, "Dark hair, not as tall and certainly not as bitchy as Alys but still she falls into the category of girls who are superficial and think they are better than other girls," she explains to you.

Confusion lingers in your gaze, for despite the explanation, you still don't remember anything about a girl named Floris Baratheon at school.

"You really don't know who she is? Aemond didn't tell you about her?" asks Alysanne incredulously and your face answers her questions, "She transferred schools for a semester and just returned this morning. She and Aemond weren't actually dating but they had a thing when he and Alys broke up for like the twelfth time."

Your mind whirls as you process the information.

Honestly you had no idea about Floris' existence back in your invisibility days at school. Therefore, you also had no idea that she and Aemond had ever had any kind of relationship.

However… there is something you have an idea of at the moment.

This is why Aemond acted weird with you this morning, because of her. He must have seen her in the hallway and his demeanor changed completely.

"I-I didn't know that," you admit in a soft, low voice, trying to hide the uneasiness that is starting to creep up on you.

"Well, it's weird that Aemond didn't tell you anything, especially since I saw the two of them so comfortable and happy talking," she lets you know, "And I'm not telling you this with any malice or to make you feel bad, it's just that I think you should know, even though I thought you already knew."

You bite the inside of your cheek, feeling a surge of emotions wash over you that you can't quite explain, nor can you avoid.

You're not sure what to think or how to react to this, but one thing is for sure; things between you and Aemond are likely to get complicated.

But what can you really do?

You and he aren't really dating. What's the point of asking him about it when it's really none of your business? Besides if he didn't talk to you about it before, when he saw her, it must be for this very reason.

You have no right here, even if you feel this.

"Do you want to get out of here?" asks you Alysanne later, noticing your face and probably everything that is invading your mind.

And soon enough, she takes you to the rooftop of the school, outdoors, where you just sit and watch the sky and listen to her while she smokes a cigarette, talking to you about Cregan being around her lately.

But as much as you want to give her your full attention and corroborate what she is telling you, you can't.

The rest of the classes are without Aemond, since you don't share them with him, and when the school day ends, still not knowing exactly whether to wait for him to drive you home or not, you head for the exit of the building, deep in thought.

"Hey."

You feel a hand grab your shoulder and when you turn your head without stopping moving forward, you find Aemond standing next to you.

"Hi," you reply softly, turning your gaze back to the front.

And he at your side gives you an attentive, curious and slightly confused look.

"Are you okay? I didn't see you at break," he says softly, "I also texted you and you didn't respond."

"Oh," your mind goes blank for a moment, "I was with Alysanne on the roof. She was talking to me about some things."

"Hmm," he nods, still watching you between a mixture of attentive and curious.

Then the two of you say nothing more, with the silence loud between the two of you and that tension emanating from your body, when you speak again.

"Are you going to drive me home today?" you decide to ask him, watching him, with that hesitation in your tone of voice and look.

And he frowns, watching you blankly.

"I always drive you."

You are about to speak but a third voice does it for you, stopping your steps and also Aemond's.

"Aem!"

The two turn their heads and there she is, Floris Baratheon.

Black hair, brown eyes, slender and absolutely beautiful features. She approaches with a smile, showing off her perfect, aligned teeth.

Everything about her screams money, as well as elegance, from her perfectly coiffed hair to her impeccable designer clothes and accessories.

And the moment she catches both your attention and Aemond's, you notice how he beside you tenses slightly.

"Hey," she gives him a charming smile and her full attention, placing herself in front of him, "The guys are going to get something to eat, I was just told. Do you want to join us? We can take off in your car and catch up some more."

"Hum…" he is silent for a moment, shooting you a nervous glance, scratching the back of his neck.

And throwing you another glance, this finally catches Floris' attention and she notices your presence as well.

"Oh… hi," she smiles softly at you.

Despite your nerves and how uncomfortable you're starting to feel, you force yourself to smile as kindly and genuinely as possible.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry, I don't think I know you," she tells you in an exaggeratedly kind tone of voice.

And this too finally gets Aemond to react.

"Yeah, right, that's my fault," he says trying to act nonchalant and completely relaxed, "Floris, this is Y/N, m-my girlfriend."

You watch as she parts her lips and her surprise is evident as she looks at Aemond and then turns her attention back to you.

"I-I didn't find the moment to tell you."

You instantly observe Aemond, with a look that even you can't explain and he suddenly can't control his nervous gestures anymore, giving a wary glance to you and then to Floris.

"Oh."

She turns her gaze back to you and though she tries to hide her surprise, the strength of her smile seems a bit forced as she holds out her hand to you.

"I'm Floris, nice to meet you."

And within everything you're feeling right now, like awkwardness and feeling out of place, you still shake your hand with hers.

"Nice to meet you."

Tension is in the air and Aemond looks hesitant for a moment. And you continue to feel like an intruder between them, getting in between the interaction of two people sharing a history you don't fully know about.

When Aemond speaks again.

"Floris is my…

He tries to tell you, but his words are left floating in the air.

Suddenly you see how he struggles and searches his mind for a way to introduce you to the girl he had a thing with in the past, only according to him, you don't know that, when certainly Alysanne already took care of it.

And just like you, you too feel Floris' anticipation, waiting for him to introduce her.

"An old friend," he finally says.

Floris arches an eyebrow slightly at Aemond's introduction, her lips curving into a smile that seems to contain more than just politeness.

"Yes, that," she punctuates, with a knowing look that to you does not go unnoticed, "Well, I just wanted to know if you were free for this afternoon. Although if you want you can bring your girlfriend with us," she proposes.

Aemond takes a moment to respond, averting his gaze as he scratches the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.

And that's when you decide to speak.

"You can go with them," you tell him and that immediately gets his attention and hers, "I can just take the bus or something and I'll see you later," you say to start walking away from both of them.

His attention and slight surprise is most visible on his face, but before you can move too far away, he grabs your hand and advances towards you.

"What? No" he immediately inquires, "No, I'll take you home."

The determination in his tone of voice and in his gaze makes you feel a little more comforted, but still, you can't shake this uneasiness in you about Floris' presence.

And that's when Aemond turns to her again without letting go of your hand.

"Sorry Floris, another time," he tells her in his firmer, slightly strained voice.

And she nods with a sympathetic look, though you can't help but sense there's something else behind her expression.

"Of course, I understand, it'll be for next time then," she says, before turning to you, "It was nice meeting you, Y/N."

And finally she is the first to walk away.

You exchange a look you can't quite describe with Aemond and feel the awkwardness and seriousness linger between the two of you, even as the two of you leave the building and make your way to his car.

And once in the passenger seat and with Aemond driving through the city streets, you find yourself fiddling with your fingers in your lap, still feeling the awkwardness in the air.

You don't understand exactly what's got you right now but you can't even see Aemond out of the corner of your eye, so you keep your gaze focused straight ahead and on the side where the window is.

"Are you okay?"

You suddenly hear his voice speak softly to you, feeling his gaze on you from time to time and you squirm a little in your seat before you speak, swallowing hard.

"Yeah, all good," you say, trying to sound convincing.

He exhales deeply, noticing your distance again.

"I'm sorry if the Floris thing made you uncomfortable. S-she…" he sighs, "She's truly a childhood friend. We had something in the past but it was very brief and it's no longer relevant."

And although there is nothing wrong with his words, you still can't help but feel a slight knot in your stomach. And you act completely unconcerned.

"I understand," you say simply, in a soft voice and still without looking at him.

But this is not convincing to Aemond, who licks his lips and can't help but worry about the situation.

"I mean it."

"Aemond," you call him softly, finally looking at him, "I understand, I really do," you assure him, "I also meant it when I said you should go eat with her and your friends. You seemed very uncomfortable and there was no problem from me."

He nods slowly, but still looks a little uneasy.

"I just didn't expect I was going to see her again."

And you don't know if that's worse.

"Are you ready?"

Oh God, are you?

"I don't know," you answer honestly, nervously, looking at your outfit.

For this occasion you chose a pair of pants, ankle boots and a white tank top with a black jacket over it. You don't look overdressed but decent for the occasion, along with your makeup and hairstyle.

"Hey, easy," he says softly, placing both hands on your shoulders, "It's going to be okay. Besides we won't be alone, Aegon and Hel will be with us."

"Yeah but that's not what I'm worried about," you clarify, playing with your fingers, "What if I ruin everything?" you ask watching him fearfully, "What if everyone realizes that we're not really dating because of me?"

"I'll take care of that, don't worry," he assures you, with his soft gaze, "You just have to corroborate everything I say and stick to the main story. Other than that, my mother will just ask you questions about you to get to know you better."

"Are you sure?" you ask, not entirely convinced.

"Very," he affirms you, conveying calmness and assurance in his voice.

"You've done this before?" you can't help but ask, still with some hesitation, "I mean…" you lick your lips, nervous, "You've brought a girl before to dinner with your family?"

He is silent for a moment, as if considering how to answer, as the implication is clear because that's not the real question, you know that too.

Rather it is: have you ever brought Alys to dinner with your family before?

"Yes," he finally admits in a murmur, sincerely, "Yes, I have."

You stare at him silently, without the two of you saying anything else, only to look away and nod, again trying to look unconcerned, trying to calm your nerves further.

"My mother never liked her," he says later, again attracting your attention, "You know, Alys."

Again, you say nothing for a few moments, just lick your lips and nod.

"I understand."

Aemond lets out a heavy breath and takes a step towards you, lowering one of his hands to take one of yours, gently rubbing his thumb against the back of yours, this also immediately catching your attention, as you see him looking at you for a moment thoughtfully.

"Are you ready now?" he asks you softly, raising his gaze to you, "We can stay here a while longer if you want."

"No," you reply immediately, "No, I don't want to make everyone wait for us," you release a long breath, calming your nerves, "I'm ready now."

He places a small comforting smile on his lips.

"You'll do fine, trust me," he assures you then moves closer to you and leaves a soft kiss on your forehead, just like at school.

His action definitely catches you off guard and you look at him slightly surprised, but Aemond doesn't give it that much importance, as if it was already a natural and routine thing between both of you, like a gesture of encouragement, to then take you by the hand together with him to the entrance of his house.

His house is nice and big, with a beautiful garden, so when you open the door, you see a huge and cozy living room with the dining room visible in the background, where you can make out Aegon's figure and his short silver hair.

Aemond closes the door behind you and you briefly look around, seeing the decorations of the elegant house, such as mirrors, flowers vases and also family photos.

Mostly, you see pictures of young children, which you recognize as Helaena, Aemond, Aegon and his other brother, Daeron.

There are also photos of what you assume is their mother and also a man, who you assume is the father, with Aemond and his siblings as children. But it strikes you that none of the four are smiling, just the mom a little.

There are more current pictures, only of Aemond, Helaena and Aegon smiling next to their mother, with no trace of their father and Daeron.

"He's my younger brother," he takes a single photo of a boy, standing next to you and handing it to you, "Daeron."

And just as you imagined, he's a boy of about fifteen with striking blue eyes and short silver hair, smiling at the camera with a bright face and looking in the background like he's standing in a lake at Honeyholt.

"Helaena was right," you say with a small smile, still inspecting the photo, "He really is the handsomest of the three of you."

"That's not true," he tells you immediately, taking the photo out of your hands and putting it back in its place with a quick, automatic gesture, making you laugh.

"What's up, bro?"

You both hear Aegon's voice and turn around, with the silver-haired man already walking towards you with a bottle of beer in his hand and a huge grin on his face.

"Are you drinking already?" Aemond inquires, "Mom's going to kill you."

"Oh, you know how persuasive I can be," he tells him without wiping off his smile, "Besides, I've already set the table," he points to the dining room, "It's dinner, bro."

"Careful," he warns you but he deliberately ignores him, heading in your direction.

"Y/N!" he exclaims your name smiling, coming over to embrace you, "Welcome to our home."

"Hi Aegon," you smile back at him.

He envelops you in a hug and you reciprocate cordially, instantly the strong smell of beer reaching your nostrils.

"Want one?" he points to the beer in his hand as he pulls away from you.

"I don't think so," Aemond answers him, again intertwining his hand with yours, "Where's mom?"

"In the kitchen with Hel" he points out, "Tell them to hurry, I'm starving," he says in a tone of voice that catches your attention.

But Aemond pulls you forward, starting to leave him behind, with a serious and disapproving look at his brother's attitude.

"It's the beer," he explains to you quietly, "I hate it when he drinks at home. I just hope it doesn't get unbearable later."

"Why?" you ask him, curious.

He shakes his head.

"Aegon is… complicated."

He doesn't say anything else and neither do you, mostly because he leads you toward the kitchen, but curiosity still lingers on that subject.

He gives your hand a gentle squeeze in a supportive gesture that comforts you as you both cross the threshold into the kitchen, where instantly the smell of delicious freshly baked food hits your nostrils.

And the first thing you notice is a silver hair along with a darker one, who you assume must be Aemond's mother.

And immediately your nerves again explode and you feel your heart pounding hard in your chest.

"Hey, Y/N!"

A friendly voice says to you, being Helaena, who is wiping her hands with a clean dish towel and wearing a beautiful blue dress, instantly heading towards you with open arms.

"Hi Hel," you smile back happily, hugging her enthusiastically.

"Oh I'm so happy you're in our home," she says excitedly and warmly without letting go of you, "We've prepared turkey, I hope you like it," she says as she pulls away from you.

"Oh I'm sure it will," you nod at her with a sincere smile, feeling welcomed by the warmth of her welcome.

"Mom."

Aemond's voice momentarily pulls you out of your conversation with Helaena and you turn your head to meet the gaze of Alicent, Aemond's mother.

Instantly you try to control your nerves and keep your composure, remembering his comforting words.

And when Alicent's gaze meets yours, a warm smile forms on his lips, which makes you feel less nervous and conveys a sense of calm. Although the nervousness lingers, you feel a little more secure with his kindness.

Aemond places a comforting hand on your shoulder and steps forward to introduce you.

"This is my girlfriend, Y/N," he points to you with his small smile, "And Y/N, this is my mom, Alicent."

She is a very beautiful woman.

It's the first thing that comes to your mind, noting the dimples in her cheeks and that warm look she has, not being intimidating at all and being rather kind.

Besides the dark green dress she wears is completely beautiful, as well as her accessories. Everything about her radiates elegance and poise.

"A pleasure to finally meet you, my dear," she says, turning to you, "Gosh, I was so excited to meet you. It's so nice of you to come."

And without expecting it, just like Helaena, she too greets you with a hug, taking you completely off guard, causing you to let out a nervous little laugh as you hug her back.

"The pleasure is mine, Mrs. Hightower," you say softly, feeling slightly overwhelmed by her kindness and warmth.

"Please call me Alicent," she says as she pulls away from you.

Before all this you asked Aemond what to call her, just for the heck of it and to feel less nervous and he told you 'Hightower', the last name of her father.

So you assume that Aemond's father is not someone who gets mentioned much around here. In the family photos he is present in only one picture. And Aemond doesn't talk about him either.

And he watches with a small smile at the interaction between you and his mother, feeling relieved that things are going well so far.

"Please go and take your seats. Dinner will be served soon," she says to Aemond and you.

"Do you need help?" he asks her.

"I'm already doing it myself," Hel says, "Don't worry, little brother."

"Can you help me with your brother, please," Alicent tells him, with a look of slight concern.

"Of course," he assures her in a gentle tone.

Soon the two of you return to the dining room, the two of you take a seat together with Aegon and Aemond tries to tell him not to overdo it with his drinks, that you are here to enjoy a nice dinner with his family.

But he just makes nonchalant gestures and tells him that everything is fine, to continue drinking, looking at the screen of his phone, waiting for dinner.

Then you don't know how much time passes exactly but Alicent returns very soon along with Helaena with the food, placing the dishes in the center of the table, indicating that all this will start soon.

Aemond places his hand on top of yours underneath the table, giving you every supportive gesture possible, reassuring you at every turn that he can that all will be fine.

Every brush of his fingers against yours conveys reassurance and comfort.

You feel a slight relief as you feel his touch, reminding you that you are not alone at this moment and his presence gives you strength to face any nervousness that may arise during dinner.

And with the food finally served, the silverware begins to clink against the plate glass as everyone begins to enjoy the delicious dinner.

Aemond, like the supposed boyfriend in love with you, is totally attentive to you, asking if you're served this or that, wanting to make sure you're well received and comfortable to make this more bearable.

And you thank him all the way, feeling his mother's gaze on both of you from time to time, without wiping away her warm smile.

"Did you like the food, dears?" she asks generally.

"Oh yes," Helaena says with a look of total complicity, delighting in the food.

"It's delicious, Mom," Aemond tells her later.

"Totally," you corraborate politely, nodding in her direction.

Alicent smiles in satisfaction and then turns her attention to Aegon, who hasn't said anything since everyone started eating.

"How about you, son?" she asks him softly.

"It's fine," he says curtly, taking a huge swig from his bottle of beer.

This definitely gets your attention but Alicent as well as Aemond and Helaena decide not to give it enough attention, as if they're already used to it and don't want to ruin the moment by his behavior.

But you do notice the disapproval in each of their looks, especially the disappointment in Alicent. Though she almost instantly turns her attention away from Aegon to Aemond and you.

"So, how long have you two been dating exactly?" she asks curiously and without losing the kindness in her gaze and tone.

"A month," Aemond replies without hesitation at your side, resting one of his arms on the back of your chair.

And Alicent shakes his head with a small smile on his lips.

"And I still can't believe he kept you hidden from me, Y/N."

You smile in his direction, trying not to let your nerves give you away, as Aemond again interjects, with a soft look.

"We didn't want to rush things."

"I told him not to take too long to tell you," Helaena says as well, pointing at Aemond as she watches her mother.

"But he didn't tell me anything, Aegon did," Alicent says in amusement.

"Oh come on, I was going to tell you anyway," Aemond tries to justify himself.

"Oh you were going to?" Hel questions him.

"You want to turn her against me."

"I'm just telling the truth, little brother."

This causes Alicent to laugh softly and his gaze meets yours, where you laugh softly too, as the fight between Aemond and Hel continues. But this causes you to begin to feel comfortable and more at ease with the whole situation.

The only thing at the table that is completely serious is Aegon, who continues to concentrate on his drink and the food in front of him.

His reserved attitude contrasts with the energy you have with Aemond, his mother and sister, but they don't really give him much attention and everyone continues to enjoy the delicious food and create topics of conversation.

"So…" Alicent begins to speak, watching you with her warm gaze, "What are your college plans, sweetie?"

Oh my God.

Okay, it's happening.

You think as you slowly start to panic, but quickly get yourself under control, settling back in your seat.

"You're all graduating soon," she points to her kids with a small smile.

And you're about to speak but someone else does first.

"Which wouldn't be the case if Aegon hadn't repeated year… twice," Hel says condescendingly, pouring herself more food in a casual gesture.

"Helaena," Alicent reprimands her in a soft tone.

"Don't start with me."

Aegon's voice finally makes itself heard in a long time, speaking in a cold, curt tone, not even observing his sister, focused on his food.

"Just saying," Helaena says also with a pout in his direction.

"Then speak for yourself. You're a year behind too."

"Ugh," she sighs, "You talk like you don't know what happened."

"That's enough," Alicent says calmly, watching you both with a look of silent warning.

The atmosphere tenses slightly and all is silent for a moment, as you notice how Aemond next to you only runs a hand over his chin and you only hear the clink of silverware clattering against glass plates.

Alicent then turns his gaze to you and there you decide to speak, hoping to restore comfort to the atmosphere.

"Well, actually, I've applied to Oldtown University," you say with a soft smile, controlling your nerves, "I'm planning on getting into law school."

Surprise flashes across Alicent's face, as you briefly feel Aemond watching you beside you.

"Oh, wow," she nods slowly, her expression one of amazement, "What a coincidence, that's the same college Aemond wants to go to."

Aemond nods with a small smile, completely keeping up appearances.

"Yes," he confirms, "In fact it's perfect for us to go to the same place after graduation."

And just to show more affection with you, he places his hand and yours intertwined on top of the table, watching you with that 'love' he seeks to convey in these moments in front of his mother.

And Alicent watches you both with her soft smile, but is still intrigued by you.

"And why that choice? Law is something you always wanted to study?" she asks you, with genuine interest in her voice.

You try not to focus too much on the way Aemond's thumb begins to gently caress the skin on the back of your hand, which at the same time also reassures you.

And you nod in Alicent's direction.

"Yes, it's something I've always been interested in. It's a very heavy degree with very dense material, but it's very interesting and it's long been what I've decided for myself."

Alicent nods in your direction, listening to you intently and looking completely interested.

"And I guess at Oldtown it's a great opportunity to want to study law."

"Oh yes," you say eagerly, "Oldtown has one of the best faculties with very capable professors and all the material you need. It's certainly a great opportunity."

"But I also think that getting to study at such an in-demand university with few places in that major can be difficult," she tells you corroborating in conversation.

"Yeah, that's the bad thing, but…" you shrug, "I'm hopeful."

You watch subtly beside you, focusing for a moment on Aemond, speaking with that complicit tone, as of course he doesn't forget that the reason you're here doing this is precisely because of Oldtown.

He knows that all too well too.

"And your parents are supportive of your decision to study law?"

Slight surprise passes across your face, definitely not expecting that question, but you quickly manage to soften your face, though you still remain silent for a moment.

You try to hide any trace of bewilderment as you search for a suitable answer. And it is Alicent's same warm gaze that encourages you to respond.

"Uh… yes, my father is just as excited as I am about this possible opportunity," you reply with a small smile, being honest, "He has always supported me in all my decisions."

You respond without saying anything else and with sincerity, not mentioning anything about your mother.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that," he nods at you and smiles warmly, "And what about your mother, dear?" she asks with genuine curiosity.

Inevitably your whole body tenses at that moment. And an uncomfortable feeling settles in the pit of your stomach as you think again about how to respond.

You honestly didn't expect the conversation to get to this point, about how even after talking only about your father, you're still being asked about your mother.

And for a moment, you don't know what to say or what to do, but you finally decide to react after everything falls into an awkward silence and they begin to look at you slightly confused by your lack of response.

Until you decide to be honest.

"Well, I-I…" you bite your lips, "I don't actually live with her," you admit in a soft voice, avoiding eye contact for a moment, "And I haven't seen her since I was six."

Slight concern crosses Alicent's face, instantly watching you in regret.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetie," she says sincerely, embarrassed to have caused you discomfort, "I had no idea. I apologize."

You're about to tell her it's okay, that it's no problem because she didn't know, that it's no big deal, but you don't even get a chance to speak when sudden laughter is heard throughout the dining room.

The tension in the air dissipates in that instant as everyone turns to the source of the laughter, Aegon.

He is visibly drunk, but still conscious enough to know what is going on around him and that is what is alarming.

Alicent, Helaena and Aegon's faces fill with bewilderment and disapproval, except for yours, as you watch Aegon in confusion, not quite understanding what is going on.

"Aegon," Alicent calls to him now truly annoyed, watching him seriously and reproachfully.

But Aegon barely manages to contain his laughter as he apologizes between laughs.

"Sorry, I couldn't help it," he mutters, his tone full of amusement and insolence.

Then Aemond at your side watches him completely serious, his jaw clenched and his gaze dark, holding back his fury at his reaction after you shared a very intimate and sensitive piece of information to you.

And Aegon laughs at it because of his own stupidity? Of course he's not going to allow that.

"What's so funny?" he inquires, expectant and about to explode.

Aegon straightens in his chair, a smirk on his face.

"Oh, nothing," he replies mockingly, "I just think she and you are perfect for each other. Apparently, we're not the only ones who have parental issues, are we?"

He asks watching his mother and sister, which makes Alicent feel even more tense, watching you worried and apologetic about the little show her eldest son is putting on.

"That's enough," she reprimands him firmly.

But Aegon seems determined to move on and turns to you again with a gesture of camaraderie, ignoring his mother's words and his brother's attitude.

"Don't worry, Y/N," he tells you with a crooked smile, "You can talk about it here and no one will judge you. All of us would understand, wouldn't we? We who wouldn't know about the subject of fucking neglectful parents with their kids."

Aemond's gaze becomes even more intense and his jaw tighter, watching his brother as if he could throw daggers at him with his eye.

"Shut the fuck up," he orders him, controlling himself as much as he can at that moment.

"Aemond," Alicent calls out to him worriedly.

"Or what?" Aegon challenges him, "She better know what she's getting herself into once and for all. With our fucking family traumatized by her own father who never cared about us."

"I said shut the fuck up," Aemond demands of him rising from his chair, causing everyone at the table to become alarmed.

Alicent rises at about the same time he does, and Helaena rises next, alert and worried, while you and Aegon continue to sit, he still unconcerned and you… because you don't even know how to feel about it.

The tension is too much, this is all unexpected and it's all happening too fast. And as if things couldn't get any worse, Aegon continues to talk and drink more.

"I'm just saying you two are the perfect match," he continues, his tone increasingly amused, "She doesn't have a mom and you don't have a dad, bro. Awesome, isn't it?"

Then it all happens too fast.

Aemond advances towards Aegon with a furious determination on his face that puts everyone at the table on alert, reaches towards him and grabs him hard by the collar of his shirt, forcing him to get up.

"Aemond!"

Alicent and Helaena immediately intervene, rushing towards them to stop them, but Aegon doesn't even have time to react before he finds himself on his feet, with Aemond holding him tightly.

"Stop it, Aemond!" exclaims Alicent, his tone full of authority and concern.

You finally rise from your seat as well, alert and worried, not knowing exactly what to do or what to say, feeling your pulse racing.

Then Aegon reacts as well, his face transforming into one of rage, placing his hands on top of his brother's.

"Get your fucking hands off me," he manages to say with difficulty.

"I told you to shut the fuck up or didn't I?"

"Oh and now you're going to hit me? Huh?" he asks, punching him in the chest with his hands, "You're going to hit me? And for what? For telling the truth?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you huh!? You fucking cunt," Aemond hits him back in the chest.

"Let go of me, you fucking asshole!"

"That's enough!" Alicent intervenes again, her voice firm and full of authority, "Aemond, let go right now!" she orders, furious, implying that she won't repeat it a fourth time.

The tension in the room seems to increase with each passing moment, as you hold your breath, watching Aemond worriedly, as does Helaena.

Aemond hesitates for a moment, glaring at his brother with determination, until he finally releases him with a tug, pulling away from him still watching him in warning and utter annoyance.

Aegon straightens, rubbing his neck as he glares at his brother resentfully.

"I don't need this shit. Enjoy your fucking dinner," he says grumpily, grabbing his bottle of beer and heading for the stairs, not giving anyone a glance.

At least your pulse starts to calm down when you see how it's finally all over, but you still watch Aemond worriedly.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," Alicent turns to you sorrowfully, averting your gaze to her, "What a shame."

"No, no, don't worry…

You start to say in a soft tone when Aemond's serious but definitely kinder voice makes itself heard in your direction.

"I'll wait outside."

The three of you watch him silently and watch as with nonchalant gestures he takes his car keys from his front pocket and with his face still contained in fury, heads out of the house.

With a lump in your throat, you turn to Alicent and Helaena, feeling the weight of tension still hanging in the air even so.

"Thank you so much for dinner. It was nice to meet you," you say to Alicent, trying to sound as calm, gentle and kind as possible.

Alicent smiles sadly back at you, still with her saddened and troubled face.

"It was lovely to meet you and have you come, honey," she tells you sincerely, "Still I'm so sorry. It wasn't my plan for dinner to end like this."

"I totally understand, don't worry," you say with a small smile, "We can always do it again."

You say and immediately regret it, but manage to soften your face in time.

This was supposed to be the only time you would do this, but you feel you owe it to her, to Alicent, as she prepared a delicious dinner with great care. She seemed so excited and happy about everything, especially about you coming that it is such a shame that this happened.

More than anything else that's why you say so.

"Of course," she nods to you, kindly and cordially.

You bid her goodbye with a gentle hug, then embrace Helaena as well, conveying your silent support through the simple gesture.

"If you need to talk, we can do it at school," she murmurs in your ear before releasing you.

"Sure," you promise, returning the hug gratefully.

You take one last look at both of them and head out of the house. And once outside, you feel a shiver run down your spine as you face the cool night air.

And there you see him, in the middle of the night silence and at the edge of the street, leaning against his car, smoking a cigarette with an almost absent gesture, looking thoughtful but also still a little upset about what happened.

You watch as he lets the smoke go between his parted lips and you, letting out a long breath, head towards him.

When he looks back at you, you too just watch him silently and he wordlessly opens the driver's door with a soft squeak and gets in the car, so you follow after him, feeling the weight of silence between you.

You too slide into the passenger seat and close the door, where soon the two of you find yourselves moving through the quiet streets of the city, the music on the radio playing at a low volume in the background.

And that's the only sound between you, the music, and even then it's a little uncomfortable.

You bite the inside of your cheek, struggling to find the right words as the tension lingers, but you don't even know what to say. What are you supposed to say when that happened?

But finally it's Aemond who breaks the silence.

"I hope you enjoyed the show," he murmurs, not taking his eye off the road.

You are momentarily speechless, not knowing what to say at that, not even finding the right words in your mind. Then you let out a low sigh, understanding how he must be feeling.

You mean… you went to meet his mother, it was a family dinner, everything was going well and to suddenly have it all end like that with very personal confessions that you had no idea about… it must be completely frustrating for him that you witnessed that.

"Are you okay?" you ask him in a low, soft tone, watching him intently, concerned and understanding.

He lets out a long breath, pursing his lips as he considers your answer, saying nothing for a moment. But when he finally does, he says it in a voice laden with weariness, regret and seriousness.

"I'm not even upset that Aegon said all that… he… he's right," he says resentfully, "I'm upset that you had to witness it."

The weight of his words falls on you, sensing Aemond's seriousness and frustration in his words. You watch his serious and weary face, the fury he is still holding back.

And for a moment, you look like you're not going to say anything, but after biting your lips, you finally speak.

"You don't have to worry about me," you tell him in a soft voice, "After all, he was right about what he said about my mother too," you add, seeking to offer some comfort, "I don't even remember her, you know? And honestly… it doesn't affect me nor do I care."

If your words caused anything in him, he doesn't show it, as he continues with his eye focused on the road.

But inside, he can't help but feel a little surprised and amazed at your ability to accept those circumstances with such calm and determination compared to him.

And finally he nods, understanding the truth of your words.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs, his voice barely a whisper.

You watch him with a soft and… slightly thoughtful gaze, feeling the tension between the two of you finally begin to fade, resulting in a warm and pleasant atmosphere for the two of you, as usual.

And unexpectedly for him, you take his free hand gently and intertwine your fingers with his, offering a small gesture of support amidst still the frustration he is feeling.

"I don't," you confess softly.

You don't say anything else and neither does he, hoping you can put this behind you. And all along the way, he keeps gently stroking the back of your hand with his thumb.

You wait anxiously, moving your foot repeatedly up and down, glancing from time to time at your surroundings and also at the screen of your phone, wanting to keep the time very much in mind.

The gentle morning breeze caresses your face, with the sun painting golden hues in the morning sky and listening in the background to the birds singing, but also all the movement of the soccer team training early at this hour from the field.

Everything seems to be calm, except for your racing heartbeat, where you avoid biting your nails and simply bite your lips in a nervous gesture, as well as the inside of your cheek.

Then you finally see Aemond approaching with his backpack on his shoulder and his face soft.

"Hey," he says softly, taking a seat in front of you, taking off his backpack and watching you carefully, "What's up? Is everything okay?"

Out of nerves, your whole body tenses and you avoid stuttering as you speak, stirring in your seat.

"Yeah, yeah, just…" you lower your gaze, playing with your fingers, "I just want to talk to you about something."

Aemond nods, giving you his full attention.

"Well? What is it?" he asks you warmly, not wanting to put pressure on you as he notices all the tension that is invading you at the moment.

But he honestly starts to worry seeing you that way.

And you swallow hard, with your gaze lowered, feeling the need to just let it out and nothing more, having that urge so you don't keep torturing yourself with your destructive thoughts.

"I was thinking that… maybe…" you let out a sigh, "Maybe we should stop this," you mutter, your voice barely a whisper.

And Aemond only watches you more intently, beginning to look alert, furrowing his brows in confusion.

"Stop what?"

You bite the inside of your cheek hard, completely flustered.

"Our fake relationship," you reply cautiously, watching him intently and with some concern.

"What?" he immediately queries you, "I-I don't-I don't understand."

"I think we've both accomplished what we wanted to… oh well, almost everything," you tell him knowingly, "But we've already put on a good show in front of the whole school, Alys is upset enough, and the cheating thing is behind us. We should stop."

You explain but in the middle of all your explanation, Aemond only frowns more, listening to you completely attentive, watching you surprised and incredulous.

"And the trip to Dragonstone?" he inquires you, with a serious and alert look, "That trip is key, it would be great for both of us to go together, as a couple."

You try to remain calm, but your heart is pounding and your nerves are getting the better of you.

"Yes, I know, but… do we really need to keep pretending?" you ask, "You've already saved your reputation, remember?"

Aemond shakes his head firmly, his jaw tense with mounting frustration.

"It's still not enough," he tells you seriously, "At least wait until after the trip."

"Aemond, I don't see why we should wait until then," you mutter, unsure, "We can finish everything now."

Aemond's expression hardens, his jaw tense with frustration as he tries to understand you.

"Y/N, the trip is in the contract," he tells you firmly, "And we agreed to finish everything until graduation."

You exhale, feeling the overwhelming weight of the situation that you didn't expect was going to get this bad the moment you decided to do this.

"I know, but I don't see the point of this anymore."

He becomes more confused, shaking his head, looking at you confused and now completely frustrated.

"What-what's wrong?" he asks you in a soft but urgent voice, attentive, "Did something happen?" he asks you concerned and interested, "Did something happen that I still don't know about?"

Oh God.

Fear grips you as you struggle to keep your composure and not let your nerves get the better of you.

"Or is this because of the dinner thing? And because of Alys' pranks?" he asks you worriedly, "If it's that, tell me. I-I'll find a way to fix it. You won't have to go to dinner at my house again and I'm sure I can talk to Alys."

"No, no… I-I…" you sigh, "It's not that-

He shrugs, looking at you confused and frustrated.

"Then what is it?"

Your heart pounds as you struggle to keep your composure in front of him.

Your words get stuck in your throat, enduring Aemond's still serious, worried and frustrated look on you, waiting for an explanation. But the feeling of panic grows in your chest and you resign yourself completely.

"Nothing, forget it," you say in a whisper, lowering your gaze.

You stand up and gather your things, slinging your backpack over your shoulder, just as Aemond sighs and looks more frustrated.

"Y/N," he calls your name in a tired gesture.

But you don't heed him, just focus on getting away from him,

"Y/N, please stop," he says to you in a soft but urgent voice.

But you don't stop, you can't.

How could you do it and how could you tell him that the real reason you decided to bring this up to your fake boyfriend is because maybe you are actually falling in love with him and the feeling is getting more and more intense, and you can't help it?

You just can't.

general taglist:

@melsunshine @at-a-rax-ia @jxdegodfrey @ttkttt @yentroucnagol @kate-to-the-ki @iamavailablesstuff @bluerskiees @urmomsgirlfriend1 @toodlesxcuddles @rosie-posie08 @iloveallmyboys @bellaisasleep @deliaseastar @cupcakesminicakescupcakes @dixie-elocin @lilostif16 @wickedfrsgrl @a-beaverhausen @a-beaverhausen @saturnssrings @ladythornofrivia @iloveallmyboys

[cadavercrafts]

I hate to start drama so please forgive me, but why would you create a figure of a character (Valentino) that is a rapist? Even if they're fictional, I think it sends a really bad message.

No offense taken at all, anon, but this will be a long one! I heard of other people who like villains getting similar messages but i've never gotten one myself despite all the things i've made fanart for in the past. So i'm almost happy to talk about this?

It's 100% fine to hate certain fictional characters and just not wanting to see them at all. I think many people (especially with trauma) can relate to seeing a character in media that just makes them feel sick, i sure know some! But you're also talking to a dedicated horror nerd here. I have an expensive action figure of a monster-pregnant half skinned man in my shelf, anon. Rape doesn't even BEGIN to cover what some of the characters i like have been doing in their little fake freakworlds.

I love to explore horror and dark themes because fiction gives you a space to do this in a secure controlled environment and that's why it's so wonderful. We all have different levels of hard topics we can handle but if something is too much for you you can step away, shut it off and you are free and safe. No, i would not enjoy to be skinned alive for real and i don't think it's a very nice thing to do to others either, i have zero sympathy or interest in real life criminals. But Hellraiser is still a neat book!

I'm an adult and I'm able to freely chose what kind of themes and media i want to interact with and so are you. I mean, i don't know if you're an adult, but you have the power to chose regardless. My nickname is CADAVERcrafts and i made so so so so much fanart for awful villains before, ones who did way worse things than Valentino. Ripping heads off, killing kids, eating people- you know, the usual! I'm afraid you're not gonna like many things i'll make in the future but i always tag everything so you can absolutely avoid it by putting it on your blacklist. No Valentino jumpscares on your dash from me!

To be quite honest i thought of a lot of kinda funny dismissive replies at first but i don't want to shit on people who are genuinly upset. If you want something trigger tagged in the future just shoot me a message, i like to claim i'm not nearly as much of an asshole as the characters i make in clay. And if you just can't stand it then unfollow me, throw me in the bin! I'm just some online weirdo, you don't need me in your life if my works make you sad. Toss it, it's cool, this is your playzone and you get to decide who gets in!

[aha-chuu]

We the hsr community are really missing out by ignoring the aventio dynamic that is canon and funny.

Because okay. Let's be fr: Ratio has however many degrees, multiple PhDs inside that. He has a job now, obviously, but he also spent a fat while trying and failing to get Nous and the Genius Society to notice him. He's renowned and super smart and has a bunch of achievements and credentials, but that student loan debt,,, fml. And we know from Herta and Asta's dynamic that scientific endeavours aren't just automatically funded.

So for some period of time before the IPC/Intelligentsia Guild snatched him up, I imagine Ratio was bobbing along like those rubber ducks he likes so much. Not broke, exactly, but certainly in the midst of six different projects at any given time and also canonically doing TA work as well like. Relatable king.

Dr Ratio has eaten a pot noodle in his life is what I'm saying.

But that's like,,, regular financial strain. Aventurine's situation is so far removed that to talk about it in just a monetary way would be insane. His net worth was *how much he was sold for*. But you know. He didn't have rent? Aventurine wouldn't have had any concept of what was "normal" between his downtrodden upbringing and horrific early adulthood.

So what I'm saying on that unhappy note is that when Aventurine got with the IPC, it's no wonder he seems most cavalier about dishing out credits. What do they even mean to him?? Money is important and he understands its value obviously - like it's part of his job and he's smart - but his personal experience is at odds with what he knows logically.

(and in some ways, after having been assigned a monetary value himself... I don't think Aventurine can conceive of any amount of money that is worth a person's life. He'll use people as "chips" but that's different)

Anyway. When Ratio was a fresh faced IPC collaborator and stuck with Aventurine as his partner, their first mission must have been insane. Like Aventurine only knows top level IPC people's financial situations so when Ratio is just a reasonably normal guy Aventurine must have been ???? He's still new at this too, you know, does Ratio need bailing out of all this debt? (it's very regular and he's responsibly paying it off ASAP), should Aventurine get on his good side with an extravagant purchase on his own fairly new IPC issued credit card? (he chooses not to because that might flaunt it).

Ratio notices. Obviously. But the biggest issue for him is Aventurine comparative cluelessness more than actual offense. Also like Ratio is certainly NOT poor I'm sure that first IPC paycheck will polish off the student loans entirely.

It's that cluelessness that would them trigger him to try and figure out Why this clearly competent Stoneheart who is obviously very good with money would be so out of his element when faced with a normal financial situation. And Ratio is blunt so he says those words out loud but without any of those complimentary parts. Aventurine is still reeling from someone seeing through his façade.

This isn't going anywhere except Aventurine trying to be a sugar daddy for maybe four days before he clocks onto the situation properly. And Ratio isn't about to say no to paying off that student loan debt a bit faster. And eventually they're both so well compensated by the IPC that when Aventurine casually transfers everyone else 100000 credits just for being in the room, he has to come up with some insane and creative way to shock Ratio. Maybe that's where the gun light cone came from: "if I can't impress you with my shiny new wealth I will certainly do it with my luck 🤗 why are you dialling a crisis line rn"

[bairdthereader]

Charlie Spring, An Appreciation: Part 1, Courage

Nick Nelson gets a lot of love, and justifiably so; I'll be the first to admit that he's amazing (see my many Nick-related posts as evidence). But I hear all too often that Charlie is leveling up by being with Nick, or that Nick is too good for Charlie. I beg to differ—vehemently—and here's why, part 1 (of 3, maybe?).

I often find myself in awe of Charlie during some of the quietest and least dramatic parts of the Heartstopper show and comics, because his bravery, resilience, and tenacity are displayed in ways that seem inconsequential, but are actually incredibly meaningful and telling. This boy has a thread of steel running through him, whether it's obvious at first glance or not.

We see this almost from the very beginning, when Charlie is assigned to a new form and told that he'll be sitting next to Nick, "one of the rugby boys," and, "I'm sure you'll get along swimmingly." Here is not only Charlie's worst personal nightmare, but also a teacher who is blithely unaware of the terrible position he's just put Charlie in--being placed in close, daily proximity to the type of person Charlie associates with the darkest time of his life. But we don't see fear on his face, or even that much dread—this tells us so much about him in just a nanosecond. There's resignation and bitterness, yes, but Charlie knows he can withstand this, because he's been there before and survived. This is borne out in later conversations with Nick where Charlie assures him that "I'm used to it." This is a horrifying injustice, one Nick rightly calls out, and it shows Charlie's resilience in the face of a degree of cruelty that many people never experience.

This little moment outside of the changing room is another revealing scene. Charlie knows exactly what he's walking into, exactly the kinds of comments and sly bullying he's going to experience in that room. He knows he will have to have his guard up every second, that he will have to prove himself to this group, even though he shouldn't have to. He also knows he'll be fighting his own self-doubt, and so this experience will be a battle on two fronts. (Three fronts, if you include trying to hide his feelings for Nick.) But he does it anyway. Sure, you could argue he's doing it solely to be near Nick, but I think this is also his way of making sure that those boys don't dictate his actions or his life. This is Charlie taking a stand. And this is just one example—he does this over and over and over again, in many different settings and situations.

Case in point, calling it off with Ben. Charlie has been the victim of what is essentially brainwashing and abuse from Ben for months. Ben has told Charlie verbally and shown him physically that Charlie means less than nothing to Ben, and that Charlie can never expect anyone to ever want him or care for him. And Charlie often, tragically, believes him. That Charlie is able to break free of this vicious cycle and take the steps to distance himself from Ben shows his immense inner strength. You can see on Charlie's face (thanks to Joe Locke's inimitable talent) that he can't even believe he's done it. And we have to keep in mind that this happens long before Nick is a real possibility, so we can't say Charlie does this for Nick. He does it for himself.

I do have to include one of the more iconic scenes, because this ⬇️is Charlie's clarion call, his hope, his banner, for the rest of this story. He knows he has a lot of problems to work through, that he's complicated and sometimes hard to interpret, so it's easy to see this scene and think Charlie's words come from a place of insecurity (and of course that is some of what's happening here). But he's strong enough to both acknowledge it and ask honestly that Nick not let those parts of Charlie become the focus of their relationship. He requests, even during this moment of almost brutal honesty and vulnerability, that Nick see him completely, as the whole person he can be, because Charlie knows that person is there inside himself. The self awareness and bravery this takes is enormous.

There are a million other moments like this that I could write about, both big and small:

But I'll end this already lengthy post with this: When one considers the amount of sheer courage Charlie has to exert just to live his daily life, it almost defies understanding. Charlie Spring is a gladiator of the mind and heart, completely worthy of any good thing.

[brotherskywalker]

I'm so tired of the narrative that Luke was a whiny, useless twink before his aunt and uncle were killed. I've seen a lot of people saying, "Leia was in the senate, leading top secret Rebellion missions, etc., while Luke was whining about power converters and playing with toys."

This is such a bad, low-level take.

Leia was a literal Princess. She was raised in luxury. She was well-educated. And her parents were already an active, secret part of the Rebellion before she was born. That's why she was given to them. Yes, Leia has a fiery personality and wanted to be involved, but she was encouraged and prepared specifically for that role.

Luke was raised, if not in poverty, at least in a low-class life style on a Hutt-controlled slave world. He was raised, perhaps begrudgingly, by a non-blood related aunt and uncle who, above all else, wanted to protect him and keep him safe. They wanted to make sure he didn't follow the ways of his father. One of the ways they did this was to keep him busy with farm work. To keep his head out of the clouds.

And nevertheless Luke had a best friend who immediately joined the Rebellion once he got off world, and who Luke deeply idolized and wanted to follow.

He isn't "playing with a toy" because he is still childish; he is daydreaming about being in that Skyhopper and fighting the Empire. He wants to be out there doing stuff, but he's been raised to obey his aunt and uncle. He feels obligated to stay and help on the farm. You can see why--they are poor, they are struggling, his aunt and uncle are old. They need Luke to help, or so he believes. Luke is maybe too kind and puts the needs and desires of other people in front of his own, but he's not some useless kid. And it is very clear, from ANH as well as the Obi-Wan Kenobi TV series, that Owen especially wanted to protect and shield Luke from his heritage. (Whether or not that was right or wrong is another debate, but you can't blame Luke for it.)

Luke is desperate to be out there doing it, but he is blocked at every turn until he's forced into it.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I must say: I’m genuinely impressed by how creative all your stories are. I have three questions related to your writing process, if you don’t mind.

1) How do you stay motivated to keep creating?

2) Where do you find inspiration?

3) have you ever had an idea for a scene that you struggled to execute? How did you work through that to write the scene?

I love your stories! I look forward to every chapter of Charlie McNamara.

1) Motivation to create has never been an issue for me -- there's always some new thing to write about! My issue, and the issue faced by a lot of other writers, is the motivation to stick with a project to completion. That's hard. Everyone's got a hundred "works in progress" they'll never touch again because they took a break and when they came back, their attention was on something new and shiny.

My solution to this? Money.

The reason I started Curse Words as a web serial and opened a patreon for it wasn't because I ever expected to be able to make a living as a writer. I'm as surprised as anyone that so many kind people have put their support behind me and let me keep writing these fucked up stories instead of getting a real job. I did it because I wasn't getting my projects finished. I was doing what we all do; getting three quarters of the way through any given project and then finding something more fun to work on instead. And when you risk disappointing readers by doing that, well, that'll get you back in the seat over the little bumps, maybe pull you back to a project a few times. But when people are paying you actual cash in return for consistent output, on time, to story completion? That's a way bigger motivator. Even if it's just one guy. For a long time, I had one patron! It was enough! It worked! It's not about making a lot of money, which is borderline impossible as a writer (again, I still can't believe my supporters are so generous enough that i can make this my career). But it acts as some level of both proof that your work is valued, and an active obligation on your part to keep producing it on a consistent schedule. My readers are giving me something valuable for this. I can't let them down.

Sorry, I'm sure you wanted a more uplifting kind of answer. But that's just what works for me.

2) I've never really been sure how to take this question. This is basically the age-old 'where do you get your ideas?' and it... doesn't have an answer. You think of a thing and you write about it. As you resolve the problems and inconsistencies in the thing, that fills out more and more of the world of the story.

Angel is born of a mediocre Goosebumps book called Chicken, Chicken. There's a part in the book where the protagonist, slowly shapeshifting into a chicken, rips all his feathers out every morning in an attempt to slow the transformation. The book isn't really about that but it stuck with me for a good two decades until, stuck in the house for two months at the beginning of Covid, I wrote Angel.

Void Princess and The princess in the Tower are both me musing on the old 'princess kidnapped by a dragon' trope. I get really fixated on this trope for some reason; I have four or five others swimming about in my head that aren't full stories ready for the page yet. Wasting Time is just the song Pushin' the Speed of Light, World Builder was written in a fever right after watching Jacob Geller's The Shape of Infinity, Copykate was initially going to be a SAYER fanfic but required enough alterations to the setting that it worked better as a story of its own. The inspiration is out there, the ideas are out there. It's just a matter of practice to turn them into stories.

3) I try to avoid scenes that are hard for me to depict, but this isn't always possible. I'm aphantasiac and struggle a lot with scenes that have a lot of heavy visual elements. Scenes where there's a lot going on that needs to be fairly precisely depicted are tricky, too.

One particularly difficult scene for me was a fight scene in Time to Orbit: Unknown. There's about six people in a small room fighting over the fate of a bunch of other people who are not present, and the reader needs to be kept up to date on the physical positions/activity/intentions of all the combatants, the villain explaining what he's doing and why (lying), the protagonist figuring out that he's lying, the physical condition (injuries, being restrained, et cetera) of all of the combatants, and the fate of the half of the crew not in the room, all with enough detail that the reader can understand the stakes, consequences, and enough of the moment-to-moment logic of the fight that nobody's decisions are confusing. The whole thing is very fast paced and... it's a lot. It's always a difficult balance in these scenes because you want to be detailed enough to keep the reader following everything they want to follow, but you don't want to dramatically slow down the story by describing every detail. If you're using a limited viewpoint, it's a blessing and a curse; you can avoid narrating the stuff your character can't see or isn't paying attention to, but you also have to find a way to get across information that your character might not be able to see, either by forcing them to see it or by having it conveyed in some other way in the scene. With busy scenes like this, I like to work backwards -- decide what specifically the reader needs to know, decide what is needed to get the characters to the places I want them at the end of the scene, and write a scene with as little as possible in it except for those two things. Sometimes, communicating those two things requires a bit of setup.

In Curse Words, there's an ancient magic spell passed down a family line from parent to child. It's a communication spell that allows people to see through each others' eyes and hear through their ears. Before the existence of long-distance wireless communications, this sort of information transfer was enormously powerful; wars can be turned with that power, trade networks created or conquered. It made its family enormously powerful, to the point where they're the most powerful magical family in the world even in the time of the story, with the spell long buried and its advantage lost to an age of mobile phones and cameras. It's massively influential to the worldbuilding of the story.

I introduced it for one reason and one reason alone -- I knew that eventually, I would be writing a climax to the story where a lot of people were doing a lot of things in a lot of different locations, and the protagonist was only going to be in one of those places. And I knew that I was going to need some way to tell the audience what the fuck was happening while he was running around in caves and shit.

[koolades-world]

I absolutely LOVE your headcanons esp the Indian ones they make me feel quite seen even if I'm from a country that have super similar cultures (Mauritius) 💗🫶

But now I have to ask, I'm the eldest cousin so whenever there's a family gathering I'm usually the one stuck looking after all of my little cousins so if I brought one of the brothers with me they would all be wondering who he is to me and would interview him just being like, "Are you his boyfriend?!?!?!"

Any chance I could get any headcanons for the brothers for this? Completely okay if you can't!

hello! yes of course :)

this request was send in more recently but I just got back from a family gathering (as of 5/25 this is very prewritten haha) and got a fresh taste of this because im the eldest cousin too! i understand your pain haha. all of my cousins are little. chasing after kids you sometimes barely know the name of in a sari, lehenga, or salwar kameez is no fun

god this will be so fun to write!! (there’s still a whole bunch of random aunties, uncles and little kids at the house so I’m hiding since I don’t get to leave until tomorrow) like yesterday, most of this was written on mobile since I’m traveling so excuse autocorrect please :)

enjoy <3

Mc who babysits their younger cousins at a family gathering w/ the brothers

Lucifer

he’s getting war flashbacks /j haha and it’s written all over his face

he left home to get away from his brothers and basically entered an environment that’s exactly the same but with easily one hundred times the people

he’s almost impressed on their ability to never shut up and now knows why you’re so good at handling his family

however, he is dadcifer™️ so he’s great with the kids, and will try his best to answer their questions, even ones regarding your relationship status

Mammon

nothing gets past kids, and they can sense his weakness when he’s talking about you. they are ruthless

before they can break him, you have to step in and tell them to pick one question each to ask. he’s not sure how you’re corralled them so well, or how you can even tell some of them apart to the point of reprimanding them for tricking him. no wonder you can keep his family in line

once he realizes your job isn’t over until the night ends and their parents come to get their kids, he tries to sneak off a few times, but he always ends up with a couple shadows and has to come back

eventually he’s resigned to his fate, and finds he much prefers the cute little babies since they’re more than happy to mess with his jewelry, and he gets to pinch their cute little chubby cheeks <3

Levi

as much as he hates it, the kids love him and whatever device he brought along to play with

after promising to replace anything they break, he sits down and plays games with them and finds out he actually enjoys it

the older ones actually engage in the game with him and ask him game related questions, which he's more than happy to answer, and the younger ones can be handed a disconnected controller and still be kept happy

this is to the point where the kids actually forget to question him about who he is, and only ask if he'll be at the next event. who is he to say no?

Satan

you’re prepared, and he thinks he is too until he gets there haha. but, he keeps it together and adapts well

you’ve thought of just about everything, from wearing extra, cheaper bangles to hand to them to keep them happy to man knowing every trick in the book to get them to finish their dinner and he can only hope to reach that level someday

he's very collected though, he tries his best to deflect their questions and keep them off that topic

however, part of him knows that's impossible and eventually he caves and just answers the questions to the best of his ability, hoping you aren't listening. never have you seen him so out of his element

Asmo

if it’s a dry event and for some reason isn’t on the dance floor, or there wasn’t one to begin with, he’s so in love with the job you hate so much haha

he’s so attentive with the kids and adores them. he’s got lots of tricks up his sleeve to keep them entertained

of course, he owns it when one kid asks if he’s your boyfriend and proudly tells them yes, he is, (even if he’s not) and answers any other questions they have even if you’re embarrassed

now, the kids look forward to seeing him and expect him everytime

Beel

he’s very chill and almost finds it enjoyable, mostly there to keep you from losing your mind

when the kids eventually decide the food they picked out wasn’t what they wanted, and instead whatever he’s eating, he’s more than happy to share with them. after, they’re you’re flesh and blood, so they’re his family too

of course he’s their jungle gym and he takes turns tossing them in the air, and giving piggy back rides

he’s not quite sure how to respond to all of their questions, but as long as you’re alright with it, he’ll answer honestly

Belphie

as a youngest himself, he’s overwhelmed. is this what he’s like?

the kids won’t let him sneak away to nap, because they’re hyper aware of everything and will catch him

honestly, he’s more annoyed than anything, but he might take a liking to a few and spend all his time with them. he feels like he’s being attacked by all the questions

he’s a lot nicer to you after that, since he realized that’s your life, and he only got a small taste of it

[max1461]

I don't typically feel at home with "nerds" (in the sense of "programmer type guys"), because I feel there is something important about the world that very often they cannot see, and I am going to try to articulate what it is.

First, a digression.

My extended family is... well, most of them are not really evangelicals (insofar as they're Christian at all, they're not very good Christians and they mostly don't seem to care), but culturally they're part of the vulgar evangelical milieu; the sort of people to whom prosperity gospel megachurch pastors appeal. Years ago when I was about to start college, my uncle came to visit, and I told my him that I was going to study math. He's a smart guy, and started telling me about how he was always good at math in school, and telling me stories about the various times he'd used math (meaning, basically, elementary algebra) to great effect in his various business ventures. That's what he understands: business, making money... to put it less charitably (though I say this with considerable affection): scheming. So he tried to speak the language of making money to me about it. When he asked me what I wanted to do with my math degree (by implication: what sort of scheming was I looking to get involved in) I said something to the effect of "there are all kinds of job opportunities you have with a math degree, but that's not really why I'm studying it—I really just want to understand math at a deeper level". I remember the look on his face when I said that very clearly. It was utter bafflement. Not because he hated math or something, but because I genuinely don't think the concept of "wanting to understand something at a deeper level for its own sake" had ever occurred to him. The inherent appeal of understanding the world is, I think, not something which exists (or exists very strongly) in his emotional landscape. He is blind to that part of the human experience which drives scientists to be scientists.

Well, that's alright. He's a schemer and not a scientist by nature. Some people are that way. I like my uncle well enough, and I enjoyed talking to him on that visit. But he's not someone I would try to share my love of math or linguistics with; on both accounts I don't think there is anything I could say to make him get it.

Why do I bring all this up? Well, one way in which I relate to programmer type guys is that we both like math, and I think we like for basically the same reason. And I think most programmer type guys will have met someone like my uncle, someone who seems like they fundamentally cannot see the appeal in this thing which drives you so strongly, this thing which is so great a part of your emotional landscape. I'm sure a lot of you will know the exact feeling I had during the above interaction. You are so fascinated by these questions about how the world works, and how it can be rationally understood, and this other guy basically seems like he just... can't even comprehend what it's like to be motivated by that. It's so completely foreign to him, and his perspective is thus completely foreign to you.

We are all, sometimes, this uncle.

Part of why I am interested in linguistics is because I have this deep urge to explore the world (by this I mean principally: the human world). I have this desire to travel, to talk to people, to see and experience different places and different ways of doing things. I want to go to various places and see what they look like, and meet the people there and hear what they have to say, and so on and so forth. There is an "openness to experience" element to this, but that is very insufficient to characterize the thing I am trying to articulate; for instance, I have little interest in psychedelics or other prototypical "high openness to experience" type activities. To me, there is an ineffable vibe that every place seems to have (a "place" in this sense could be as large as a country or a small as a particular bar), and the vibes of nested places are like layers on top of one another that make being in the world feel like an extremely rich experience. Learning languages and learning about languages gives me this window into other places, which is extremely appealing, and furthermore I can access it to some degree from my own home, which is nice. Of course doing this from my bedroom is not enough, I want to actually go, to wander around, and in those times when I've gotten the chance to do so I have felt that it was very much everything I had imagined it to be.

When I try to talk to programmer type nerds about this aspect of myself, I often feel much the same as when I was trying to talk to my uncle about wanting to study math. They just don't seem to have any sort of reference for what I'm talking about, these emotions have never occurred to them in any significant way, and they can't figure out how to relate. I believe this is, in essence, the source of my frequent abrasions with rattumb, and why I have basically bounced off of coding for cultural reasons time and time again in my life, even though conceptually it's exactly the sort of thing that interests me. For reasons of nature or nurture, programmer guy personality traits rarely co-occur with wanderluster personality traits, they just don't seem to go together. And so in spaces like, well, this one, I'm just left feeling like nobody can quite relate to what I am getting at a good chunk of the time, and the consequence of this is that I feel emotionally impoverished. That's not anybody's fault for being a different sort of guy than me, and I'm sure there's stuff about which I'm the confused uncle (in fact, I know there is: the appeal of psychedelics, meditation, and other "transcendence" based activities is one of these things for me). Idk, just thought that was something worth expressing.

[blue-and-gilt]

French Grenadier Officers' Sabre - Petite Montmorency style. Circa 1788 - 1800.

The social upheaval in France during the late 18th century was pervasive through all levels of society. People were abandoning the old and adopting a number of new styles and fashions to display their allegiance to which ever faction the belonged to; the (soon to be executed) king, the revolution, or some variation of the politics at the time.

One of these changes in fashion began around 1784 with infantry officers giving up their model 1767 smallsword in favour of non-regulation sabres, often based on the styles copied from the cavalry. The rotating guard hilts were one such example.

With the Royal decree of April 1788 permitting the use of sabres by the infantry we see another type appear, swords with slotted hilts and sidebars that often feature military emblems such as the light infantry hunters horn or the grenadiers flaming bomb. While others (normally associated with the National Guard) display elaborate political symbolism like Roosters or lions with the Phrygian cap; icons of bravery, the French State and the revolution.

Because these sabres were non-regulation, they don't follow a set pattern; and can be plain or very ornate. Seeking to classify them, collectors of the late 19th Century noted that many swords in this style had blades that matched the profile of the Montmorency Dragoons; a curved blade with a central fuller and a secondary fuller running close to the spine.

Since they were carried by infantry or National Guard officers, on the whole this style of sabre are shorter than the dragoon type, thus earning them the petite montmorency moniker. As with many such arbitrary names, its meaning has expanded in use to cover a wider group of swords that are broadly similar but don't follow exactly the same features. This sword is such an example. The slotted hilt and guard are very typical with the helmet pommel, sidebars and flaming bomb. However because the blade is has no fuller, it can't be said to have a true montmorency blade. Still, it is the best grouping we have for this sword. This sword is a handy weapon, just shy of 80cm long with a 66cm blade. The lack of a fuller means is weighs 750 grams, giving it a lot of presence in the hand. The blade engraved with the word Grenadier on one side and flaming bomb with a trophy and bomb on the other; otherwise it is very plain.

On the spine there is an arrow wrapped in a scroll, which I assume to be related to the maker. I'm sure I've seen this mark before but now I can't find the source. If you know what it means, please let me know.

Stats: Overall Length - 795 mm Blade Length - 655 mm Curve - 15 mm Point of Balance - 140 mm Grip Length - 142 mm Inside Grip Length - 105 mm Weight - 750 grams

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hey this is pretty out there but I'm a virgin who's trying to write sex scenes and my biggest concern is I won't be able to convey the emotions and feelings right... any tips?

It would be super helpful 💖

Writing a Sex Scene Without Experience

The thing about sex is it's not just one thing that's experienced one way. No one can say "write it like this" and you're good to go. The whole act--the build up, the actions, the feelings, the emotions--all depends on the specific people involved, who they are, what they know, how they relate to one another, exactly what happens, past experience, even personality and mood. And to top it off, all of those things matter for the person writing it, too.

This is why experience is really helpful if you're trying to write a sex scene, because you can take that experience and knowledge and put them through the filter of your characters' personality, mood, experience, etc. And obviously, you can't really do that without experience because you have no baseline to filter through your characters' own point-of-view.

So... that said, there are two alternatives you can fall back on if you need to write a sex scene without experience:

#1 - Get Fictional Experience - Believe it or not, fictional experience does make a difference, and by "fictional experience" I mean watching TV shows and movies with sex scenes, reading books and stories with sex scenes, and reading informational articles about sex scenes. You don't even need to read or watch anything explicit... there are various "spice" levels to all of it. How explicit you get into things is entirely up to you, so you can match the level of fictional sex scenes you experience to the level of what you want to write. Just be sure to pay close attention to build-up (including what the relationship and interaction are like beforehand), body language, facial expressions, actions, etc. (And when reading these scenes, pay special attention to word choice, pacing, and sensory detail.) Also: although I'm not going to write such a guide, there actually are writing guides out there (including whole books) that go into detail about how to write these types of scenes. You'll still want to filter the information through your own characters' POVs, however.

#2 - Fade to Black - Some writers without sexual experience choose not to write sex scenes at all, instead using some form of a "fade to black." I talk about different ways to do that in my post Non-Explicit Sex Scene. There's still plenty of opportunity for exploring the deep romantic feelings that lead up to and follow intercourse, but you don't have to worry about fitting those feelings into the actual sex act. I have a lot of posts in my Relationships: Romance master list of post that can help you with all of that.

Happy writing!

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[grendel-menz]

yo im not sure if this is a weird ask so feel free to ignore but like !! sorry i just had a moment bc ive been struggling w being half white for a long time now, like something was off my entire life with how other white people would treat me as an Other, the way they would like reduce me to an animal/the wild friend/make some weird dehumanizing comments, and despite all this not even knowing the truth of my ancestry til i was out of high school. but at the same time i felt like i could never really claim it? like i had no connection to my native side since my father wasn't allowed that so i was basically raised White and every time i looked in the mirror something told me it was wrong for me to even seek that connection. it did not help that i'd meet other half natives here who would tell me that (there is a weird culture here about rooting out "fakers" and accusing people you dont like of faking their history to get yourself more legitimacy). sorry this is all a rambly preface to say id always related to your art about ancestry and culture and finding yourself and how people treat you but felt wrong for it but then you post a picture and you're a stones throw away from me. like, we look like we could be cousins. idk i just went wow, i look like that too, its okay, i shouldnt have gatekept my connecting behind fear of... i dont even know what anymore. idk this ask has no point so from another genderweird half who hallucinates i hope u have a great week month year and i hope good things happen to you. you bring a lot of joy to people

I'm sorry you've struggled with all this, it can be really tough. My situation is a bit different since my mom never let me forget I'm Filipino. I never felt distant from being mixed, just the culture we lost due to some extraordinarily difficult circumstances in the past few generations of my moms side. I'm also lucky in that Filipinos and SEAsians as a whole tend to be very avid about welcoming mixed kids into the community (though there's a lot of racism and colorism involved in the level of acceptance someone gets, unfortunately. I'm pale and treated well, and I doubt someone darker skinned would be treated as well in certain circles.).

I can't speak for Native American communities, but I will solidly say in general that blood quantum and its enforcement is colonial. Your ancestors do not love you in halves or quarters, that would be very strange. When I have a baby I plan to love the whole thing and not just whatever dna percentage is mine. It's just important to research, support, reach out to, and represent your community to the best of your ability. (If I've misspoken here lmk.)

I have Indigenous family members, ancestry, and community, but I don't personally call myself Indigenous because I am still researching and reconnecting, and it's such a big word. There's no rush to things, go at the pace you're comfortable with when it comes to seeing yourself.

Sorry for being long winded! Hopefully that helps or yeah! :D