#I've come to the conclusion the only way you'll get the character you want to hit on you is if you go out of your way to NOT romance them

[lelalyo]

Don't worry everyone! I've finally cracked the code!

[justrustandstardust]

i've seen a lot of discourse about this juju stroll going around and i wanted to pitch in my two cents, because i think it's saying something different than what people are taking away at face value.

so everyone's being asked their type and they either answer immediately or refuse to answer— with the exception of gojo. he's distinct because when he's asked his type, he neither answers nor refuses; he waffles and says this:

this is VERY unlike him; he's always got something to say or a quippy remark at the ready. he's drawing out his answer, clearly wasting time. it's made even more clear that his answer is supposed to be perceived as different because everyone else either answers at length or not at all.

he then does something CRAZY and basically eggs on utahime to tell him his type. he's not providing an answer; he's waffling and then making utahime give him an answer to get out of answering in a straightforward way.

he continues to prompt her when she can't think of anything because he's that damn intent on not providing a real answer. "that girl who seemed nice" is generic enough and could apply to anyone, but the point i want to highlight here is that he says bangs. he draws out providing his answer and makes utahime provide one for him; the only concrete thing we know about gojo's type (the nice girl thing is intentionally generic and a nondescript, blasé non-answer) is that he's into bangs.

by process of elimination, not because she meets the criteria, utahime comes to the conclusion that the only person who fits "nice" with bangs is miwa. this is problematic for two reasons: one, miwa is seventeen and a student. gojo is a grown ass man and a teacher, there's no way he'd out his type as a student. two, as you'll see in the next pic, he never actually says miwa's name. he just agrees with utahime— he agrees with the answer he made her provide, selecting the choice that he pigeonholed her into making.

he's too enthusiastic about the sell here, especially because he's never once said miwa's name. he doesn't actually confirm it's miwa specifically, he only confirms that he agrees with utahime's choice in selecting the person that best fits his type. (once again: the choice that HE forced her to make).

so now we go back to the other part, the only concrete thing that gojo reveals about his type: bangs. sure, plenty of people have bangs in this series, but who's known for them? whose bangs are repeatedly mentioned by tertiary characters?

he's even referred to by his bangs; they're that notable and a key characteristic of his appearance.

we have a character known for his bangs. the only thing we know for real about gojo's type is that it's a person with bangs. and then we have this:

he’s also notably NICE; his character is specifically denoted by his manners and his open expression of care towards others. he’s not a girl but two major components of his character are that he’s openly nice and that he has bangs.

so there you have it. gojo's type is not miwa— that was merely an intentional misdirect. when you look deeper, this whole sequence confirms that, murderous cult leader or not, gojo's type hasn't changed in over a decade.

[blacknedsoul-blog]

A detailed explanation from my headcanon that Annabel has ADHD

So I had this six fucking hour trip. On a bus. Alone. And I was bored out of my mind, because sitting around being bored is as close to mental torture as it gets for me.

Fortunately, the light at the end of the tunnel: I was inspired. Away from the burnout I have with fanfics, I remembered that I've mentioned this headcanon several times on Nevermore's Discord and just thought, what better time to talk about ADHD than when I'm having a pretty ADHD moment?

But before I start, there are a few little things that need to be pretty clear on the table:

I'm being a bit hypocritical here: in general, I'm deeply against diagnosing fictional characters for two reasons: first, it's an impossible task to distinguish between character traits and symptoms to such an extent that you can go around forever without coming to a real conclusion unless the author of the work confirms it, and second, even if you have the disorder you're talking about, you can fall into the trap of perpetuating stereotypes or generalizing, thereby invalidating other experiences. So even if the tone of this review sounds very assertive, it is because of my writing style. I am in no way diagnosing Annabel; this is an analysis of her character through the lens of a possible disorder.

In relation to the above, where I point out an event in the comic that can be read as a symptom, I am not reducing it to "this only happens because she has ADHD". You CAN'T reduce a person's personality to "they has a disorder," and when I point out these examples, I'm not doing so with the intention of denying the background behind it, but rather pointing out how, under the magnifying glass of having it, it might exacerbate that behavior.

I am NOT a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a neurologist: I am a woman with ADHD. One who has done a lot of research on the subject, been in therapy with a psychologist who specializes in the disorder, and talked extensively about it both with friends who also have it and with professionals. But I don't have a career in mental health, I don't pretend to, and everything you'll read below is a mixture of research and personal experience.

You're going to see a lot of "we" or "those of us with ADHD" because, as I said, I have it too, but this is all a generalization made for the sake of flow. The symptoms of this disorder can be expressed in many different ways, and not everyone has all of them (for example, there are some that I don't have, but it would be strange to change the voice of the text just because of that, it makes it harder to read). If you have ADHD and read a symptom and think "hey, I don't get that", that's perfectly normal. Your experience is valid and I don't want to pass it on. But it would be exhausting for me and for the reader to use tentative phrases all the time.

If this text resonates too much with you, I strongly recommend that you see a professional, if you're able, and not self-diagnose: ADHD has many symptoms in common with autism and other neuro divergences, don't risk misdiagnosis.

If you have a different opinion than mine on this subject and want to share it with me, I'll be happy to read it, if I don't answer it's because I forgot (forgive me?). But you can be sure that I will read it.

Anyway, let's get started.

What is ADHD?

According to the NIH (National Institute of Mental Health) website, this is the definition of ADHD:

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development. People with ADHD experience an ongoing pattern of the following types of symptoms:

Inattention means a person may have difficulty staying on task, sustaining focus, and staying organized, and these problems are not due to defiance or lack of comprehension.

Hyperactivity means a person may seem to move about constantly, including in situations when it is not appropriate, or excessively fidgets, taps, or talks. In adults, hyperactivity may mean extreme restlessness or talking too much.

Impulsivity means a person may act without thinking or have difficulty with self-control. Impulsivity could also include a desire for immediate rewards or the inability to delay gratification. An impulsive person may interrupt others or make important decisions without considering long-term consequences.

Here is an impression that needs to be clarified: ADHD is more about an inability to regulate attention than a lack of it. A neurotypical person may choose to focus on a task to get it done, we may procrastinate to death because even if we want to, we can't focus on it, or stand there absorbed in it ad infinitum until the house falls down around us (and we may still have trouble noticing). This is understood, Understanding all this, here is the list of Annabel's behaviors that could be interpreted as symptoms.

Hyperactivity

One thing that not everyone knows is that hyperactivity is not about running around like an uncontrolled animal. It can manifest itself in many ways, and there are many types: physical, mental, and even emotional.

In Annabel's case, she seems to be the first two types.

Perhaps due to her difficulty in expressing emotions, it is quite obvious at this point in the comic that her moods are made explicit through gestures: playing with her rings when she is happy or nervous, touching the ribbon around her neck in moments of anxiety, or playing with her hair almost as a default state.

Annabel.

Doesn't.

Sit.

Still.

Never.

It is also clear that Annabel is always planning something. Always.

This can be read into the logic of mental hyperactivity: when you have it, your brain just doesn't stop. Ever. And that's something that resonates with this lady.

Emotional Dysregulation

The part of the brain that regulates our moods works…erratically. Not to say it doesn't work at all.

This leads to a painfully common problem in women with ADHD: lack of emotional regulation is seen as drama, and instead of being taught tools to deal with it, we are taught to repress and bottle up emotions.

Annabel has highly internalized this as a defense mechanism. But here's the thing: if repressing emotions instead of learning how to deal with them in a healthy way is harmful, being biologically unable to regulate them can be even worse.

It touches the right nerves, and if you catch us flying low, it can cause explosive outbursts.

Possibly violent reactions to feeling offended or uncomfortable.

Or completely over-the-top reactions that we can't control.

And it's not just anger that's affected, it's the whole emotional spectrum. Another emotion that is very noticeable is fear. If we don't develop tools to help us calm down, we don't get scared, we panic.

If this happens too often, we can become prone to developing severe anxiety or frequent attacks.

We may also have great difficulty dealing with frustration. Our brains love rewards, and feeling that we're not getting them because of our own inability to do something can be downright annoying. And if we don't have the tools to express our frustration appropriately, we can have quite childish reactions, ranging from temper tantrums to…pouting.

I find it funny how several of these pouts are caused by Lenore, a bit like "Oh, come on, honey, what are we talking about?"

Another important thing to note here is that one of the most fucked up and notorious symptoms of this lack of emotional regulation is RSD, short for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, defined as "a problem that interferes with your ability to regulate your emotional responses to feelings of failure and rejection. While rejection is almost always unpleasant, people with RSD experience overwhelming levels of emotional pain. This can lead to long-term mental health problems, fear of failure, and behavioral changes that negatively affect them throughout their lives."

Rejection and fear of failure are a problem for us. So much so that we may seek strategies to avoid it as much as possible, even when it causes us problems (such as not completing a task for fear of doing it wrong). This is an issue that can tear us apart emotionally.

Annabel is terrified of being rejected or despised. Her whole life has been built around appearances and getting the right people interested in her. If she can't do that, what good is she?

And that's something that comes up a lot in her relationship with Lenore. Repeatedly, in fact, but my favorite has to be this one:

Annabel thought it would be the smart thing to do to break that bond because she knows they're never going to see each other again. But the look on her face when Lenore calls her a "damn liar" is just painful to watch. I think ripping her heart out with a rusty spoon would have hurt less.

Finally, on the subject of things that aren't so funny: that thing Annabel does about biting her fingers when she's in a critical situation is something I used to do, too (only I'd bite my knuckles or palms).

My psychologist explained to me that when you feel like you're losing control, you immediately look for something to ground you, and unfortunately, physical pain is often a quick (if damaging) way to do that.

Codependency

Okay, here's a thing: it's not that we have a tendency as such to codependency, but this is a situation that can occur due to bad practices within a relationship. Especially a couple one.

As it stands out, people with ADHD can have a lot of problems with micromanaging ourselves, remembering things, dealing with our emotions, etc, etc, etc. And it is natural for close friends, family or our partner to help in those processes.

The problem arises when that help starts to become a parentification process where the partner who is providing support starts to do this on behalf of the other person, infantilizing them in the process.

This is a cocktail for resentment on both sides: the party calling the shots can easily feel that the other is putting a huge burden on their shoulders and not trying hard enough, while, on the other side, no one likes to feel like they are being treated like a child. Let alone that the person doing it is your partner.

But at the other end of resentment, there's codependency.

The constant feeling that you are a burden, insufficient or even disposable.

And that means you have a lot to make up for. On a regular basis. So much that you put yourself in a situation where you have to make horrible decisions so that someone else doesn't have to because somehow you owe it to them, who hasn't had that happen?

What I mean is that yes, Annabel feels like she owes this to Lenore because she only remembers the part where Lenore came kicking in doors to save her from a marriage she didn't want. And if she can't do this for her, she doesn't deserve a relationship.

Feeling inadequate, that your partner is doing you some kind of favor by tolerating you and ending up idealizing their in the process is obviously not unique to the neurodivergent experience.

But we try, we try really hard and, like anyone else, we like to feel that the effort we put in is seen and valued.

If we are not careful about that, we do indeed fall into the risk of becoming codependent. The desire to feel loved or valued becomes a constant hunger for validation from which it is difficult to escape because we are aware that our brain will never function in a different way. And if that is mixed with RSD, it can become an even bigger problem.

Novelty, games, challenges, and rewards

Producing dopamine on a normal basis is one thing our brains aren't very good at (one of the reasons we can be prone to depression, for example), but you know what they love? Challenges and rewards.

New things feed our endless curiosity, but for some reason unknown to me, our brains really love challenges and dares. They give us dopamine like we're on a high.

So much so that some people use it as a tactic to perform tasks they don't like: "How many dishes can I wash before my dinner is ready?", "If I can finish this in less than 30 minutes, I can go get chocolate."

One medium we may like very much for this reason is games. Board games, card games, or virtual games. It doesn't matter. Games provide a very good balance of challenge and reward.

If you see that Annabel seems overly interested in how this works, it's because there may be a part of her that thinks "aside from the deadly situation we're in…this is like the most hardcore escape room ever" and inevitably there's something here that stirs her bug.

It may be something she loves about Lenore. As a good hypocrite, Annabel despises the rules she knows so well, so when Lenore comes along with this gimmick and completely changes the paradigm of what she knows, there is inevitably something that appeals to her. Others who are good at the game look down on Lenore's disdain for the rules, to Annabel it is fucking appealing because it offers a range of unexplored possibilities that she fucking loves.

Erratic Communication

When our brains are running at full speed, communication can become a challenge, and we tend to exhibit erratic patterns.

One of these is info-dumping. Touch a topic we know about or are interested in and it's like stepping on a landmine: we explode talking about it. Non-stop. You'll have to hit us to shut us up.

Another thing is that we can have a bad habit of interrupting. A lot. It's not malicious, it's just that we're really into the conversation and want to participate as much as possible.

That said, even if we're extroverts, it can be a nightmare to withhold information or participate in a conversation if it doesn't grab our attention. It's not that we want to be disrespectful or anything, it's just that, again, we have no control over our ability to pay attention and we're swimming against the tide to hold on to whatever it is you're telling us.

This scene is something I've seen in friends with ADHD and have been told I do: stare at people while doing your best to do the hamster run to remember what they're telling you because you know it's important, even though your brain is putting it together with junk information because it's not engaging your attention in the right way.

Ignore the murderous stare part, it's not that common - at least I hope not.

Drinks that are like a pill

Our brains are not designed to produce certain hormones naturally or, in some cases, they produce them under other circumstances. For things like that, we can take pills, develop strategies to help our brains produce hormones.

And drink coffee. Lots of coffee.

Caffeine can be extremely relaxing for us because it can actually help our brains keep functioning, you know that stereotype of the highly coded ADHD character who drinks coffee like it's his life? Well, that's because.

You know what other beverage has a similar effect? Tea. Theine is also a natural activator, perhaps less aggressive than coffee, but it can have a similar effect.

If you're interested in describing this topic in fanfic or touching on it in fanart, tea should have a relaxing effect on Annabel and even help her concentrate.

Boredom

We get bored. A lot. And we get painfully bored. Here's what happens: boredom is caused by a lack of stimulation, and our brains aren't stimulated just because we can't regulate our attention to seek out that stimulation.

Add to that the fact that when we are bored, without dopamine hitting our receptors, our executive functions diminish and we function like shit.

Boredom

Is

Fucking

Murder

Because our brain starts desperately asking for dopamine and we can fall into really unhealthy behaviors like fighting, being chronically online, or eating because we can't find anything better to do. This also contributes -again- to our depression or anxiety.

Conclusions (and if I don't make the joke, I'll die)

In the book ADHD After Dark (a study of ADHD, relationships, and physical intimacy), Ari Tuckman draws some interesting conclusions, one of which is that on a statistical level, people with ADHD seem to be more likely to have what he calls "sexual eagerness": kinks, fetishes, a tendency to be adventurous in bed, and the like. Again, our brains love play, and both intimacy and flirtation can involve a lot of it.

So…

Um…

…well, I think Lenore will be happy. Good for her.

Anyway, this has been a seriously long explanation. Thanks for reading this far.

[cherrypikkins]

FE3H OC: Kitt Burgess - Support Conversations and Artwork

From an earlier poll, I wrote support conversations for the top three characters with my FE3H OC, Kitt (they/them). I also did some semi-related artwork. :3

More reading below the cut!

Hapi – Support Level C

Scene: Forest

Kitt: That was a close call. Way too close for my liking. You're not hurt anywhere, are you?

Hapi: I'm fine. Also, I could have handled it on my own without you butting in.

Kitt: I...suppose? Though with a Demonic Beast this huge, I'd rather not take any chances. What happened, by the way?

Hapi: What do you think happened? I was in a bad mood and sighed before I could stop myself. I do that, okay? Sometimes I can't help myself, so spare me your judgment.

Kitt: Right. Okay. That's what I suspected, but I thought I'd ask you first before jumping to any conclusions. No judgment here, I promise.

Kitt: Anyway. Since it doesn't look like you're hurt, I'll just run along and leave you be.

Hapi: Um, hello? Monastery is that way.

Kitt: I... know that? I still have a patrol to finish. But I'll head back once I'm done.

Hapi: Don't you have a report to write up? On what just happened?

Kitt: You want me to report you? That would be giving the Church free ammunition against you. Is that what you want?

Hapi: No, but that's what the Knights of Seiros do, isn't it? Keep an eye on troublesome kids like me and tattle to the Church when stuff like this goes down?

Kitt: Ha. Do I look like one of the Knights to you? That's a little worrisome.

Kitt: I'll just tell Seteth that I took care of a stray Demonic Beast and leave it at that. I'm the only one who knows you were ever here, and I'm happy to keep it that way.

Kitt: Or do you care that much about the rules?

Hapi: Heh. Not if you don't.

Kitt: I thought not.

Kitt: Although, if one of the Knights gets nosy and finds you here, nothing I say will stop them from jumping to their own conclusions. So, better run along now.

Hapi: Wait. Kitty-Cat. I'm sorry I barked at you just now. You probably figured, but I haven't had the best experience with the Knights or the Church.

Hapi: I guess I thought you were just another one of their lackeys.

Kitt: Ha. That's what I get for answering their every beck and call. I'm just trying to put out my best behavior, but Goddess knows they probably have a massive report written up on me somewhere.

Hapi: Huh. So they're keeping an eye on you too, then? They really are the worst. What sort of dirt do they have on you, anyway?

Kitt: I'm not going to tell you.

Hapi: Oh, don't worry. I wasn't expecting you to come out with it. Just thought I'd try my luck.

Hapi: Anyway, thanks for saving my skin. At least I know you'll be somewhere in the neighborhood in case something like this ever happens again. Which, I'm sure it will.

Kitt: Of course. Just come running to me and I'll take care of it.

Felix – Support Level C

Scene: Training Grounds

Felix: Hey, you.

Kitt: Me?

Felix: You skipped out on training today. Again.

Kitt: Huh. So you spotted me. I was hoping to be extra careful that time.

Felix: If you're not here to train, why are you even here? All you do is waste everyone's time, mine included.

Kitt: I was just stopping by to fetch my things. I'll be out of your hair in a second.

Felix: You're looking for your knife, right? I have it here, you know. You left it behind while sneaking off earlier.

Kitt: ...So I did. May I please have it back?

Felix: They say you can dispatch a Demonic Beast with ease, sometimes even a whole nest of them, without anyone helping you. Is that the truth?

Kitt: A whole nest of Demonic Beasts? That's a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think?

Felix: That's what I thought at first. But I've seen you fight before. Why does it seem like you're always holding back.

Kitt: Not sure I understand what you're talking about.

Felix: There you go, with that act of yours. It's like you're afraid of something.

Felix: What's wrong? Is it beneath a slayer of beasts to fight against ordinary people? Or are you trying to endear yourself to others by pretending to be weak?

Kitt: If I was trying to endear myself to you, Felix, I would have gone for a different approach.

Felix: I'll say. Your attitude is really getting on my nerves, and you're not doing anyone any favors here. This is a military academy. Not a playground.

Felix: So instead of trying to fool me, and failing miserably, why don't you show me some of that incredible power I've heard people talk about?

Kitt: ...

Kitt: Because you're not ready.

Felix: Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?

Kitt: I'm not certain you want to know.

Kitt: May I have my knife back, Felix?

Felix: Hmph. Take it and go, already. I've wasted enough time with you.

Kitt: Thank you. Maybe one day I'll let you see what fighting a monster is like.

Kitt exits.

Felix: ... And here I thought the Boar was terrifying.

Claude – Support Level C

Scene: Library

Claude: Hey, Kitt! Perfect timing. There's something I've been wanting to ask you. If you don't mind me prying a little, that is.

Kitt: -sigh- Let me guess. This is the part where you bombard me with personal and invasive questions about my life history, correct?

Claude: Well, I wouldn't have put it quite like that...

Kitt: No need to dance around it, Claude, I've seen that look of yours. So do your worst and let's get this over with.

Claude: Cutting right to the chase, are we? Fine by me. Let's start with the basics.

Claude: You were born in a remote village in the southern part of the Oghma mountains, correct? Does that... make you Imperial by birth?

Kitt: Geographically speaking, yes. But there are a handful of remote communities scattered across Fodlan that neither the Empire, the Kingdom, nor the Alliance bother to keep tabs on.

Kitt: Mainly because we aren't important from an economic or militaristic standpoint.

Kitt: My village is - was - one such settlement. We didn't have ties to any of the ruling powers, and we rarely ever dealt with the outside world, unless it was with the Church. With some exceptions.

Claude: Okay. That I can understand, except for one small detail. I'm pretty sure I've asked everyone up and down the monastery. Why does it seem like no one has ever heard of your village?

Kitt: If you're caught up on recent history, you should know that my village doesn't exist anymore. It was wiped out by Demonic Beasts. Things like that happen all the time. Surely you and the others must have heard.

Claude: Well...yeah. But that's what makes the whole thing so bizarre.

Claude: If it was wiped out a few years ago, there has to be a record somewhere. As you say, things like that happen every so often, and it's not exactly secret knowledge when they do.

Claude: But I've searched just about everywhere in this library, and I haven't found anything written in the past decade about a village in the Oghma Mountains that was destroyed by monsters. Let alone one with a sole survivor.

Kitt: I'm not sure I'd call myself a 'sole survivor'. ...I mean, there could have been others, but the Knights never bothered to confirm it.

Claude: Is that so? For a disaster like that, you'd think they'd keep some kind of documentation. ...Unless the documents are missing, somehow. Do you think they were confiscated by the Church for some reason?

Kitt: I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised. Books disappear from this library all the time at the behest of the Church.

Claude: But these aren't just books written by some random dissident. These are recent historical records. Without them, it's like your village never existed in the first place! Doesn't that bother you?

Kitt: It's clearly bothering you, though I can't understand why. Exactly how far are you willing to go just to satisfy that curiosity of yours?

Claude: Well for starters, I could ask you the name of your village. It's just a name, but you'd be giving me a lead, at the very least.

Kitt: Perhaps. But that's dangerous knowledge you're chasing after. I'd rather not.

Claude: Hey, hold on a second. You said I was allowed to ask you 'personal and invasive' questions about your life history.

Kitt: True. But I never promised that I would answer them fully, honestly, or at all. The Church prefers that I keep my mouth shut, and ... it's better that I play by their rules.

Kitt: I'm sorry, Claude.

Claude: Right, well. It's not like I've done much to earn your trust. So, I don't blame you for playing it safe, especially when the Church is involved.

Claude: I guess that means you don't know the whole truth of what happened either.

Kitt: No. But I don't let it bother me. Everything about my village ... well, it's all ancient history now.

Kitt: ...Good luck with your research, though. Do let me know if you find out anything new.

Kitt leaves

Claude: Huh? I mean... For sure. I'll keep you updated.

Claude: Ancient history, huh...? Not bad for a lead.

[trekkiedean]

while I'm being earnest: the thing is, this show is not consistent about most things. I've talked in the past about how, for instance, there are arcs that just don't make sense when viewed through a purely watsonian lens, or episodes that are a lot more effective out of context. the writers' room was not particularly cohesive. continuity is a joke. characterization changes from one episode to the next. (I've heard that they didn't have a writers' bible, and I have no idea whether that's true, but frankly I think I'd be more surprised if it wasn't true.) and that's before we get into how actors' and directors' choices can bring new layers to the episodes as written, or even seem to say something completely different from the episodes as written!

I think that's a big reason why this fandom is so huge and rich and has lasted so long: there's room for so many interpretations. not only is it possible to pick and choose which parts of canon to keep, I'd argue that to some extent it's actually necessary to do so; there are so many inconsistencies and continuity errors and internal contradictions that you'll just never be able to come up with a grand unified theory of supernatural. fandom lives in the inconsistencies and the continuity errors and the internal contradictions! and with spn, there are so many of them, and so much of the show, that there are very few theories and headcanons and interpretations that can't be justified in some way. yes, there are some I like more than others, and yes, there are some I think are better justified than others! but in general, even if I completely disagree with someone's take, I can also see where they're getting it from. I may think, and point out, that there are things that contradict their take, but they'll have some examples of things that support it. which one of us is right? both of us! neither of us! two supernatural fans, three opinions, baby!

but the downside of the fact that there are very few interpretations that can't be justified is that…there are very few interpretations that can't be justified. like, I'm sorry to break this to everyone, but no voice is ever going to ring out from the heavens and declare conclusively that one of us is the winner of fandom. (and even if it did, my people don't generally put much stock in that kind of thing.) someone's interpretation being different from yours, even wildly different, even different in a way you don't like, is not necessarily a sign that they haven't watched the show, or that they don't enjoy it, or that they're stupid, or that you're coming from a place of cool logic and rationality and they're just making shit up and projecting, or that they want to spite you personally. I think all of us (and I totally include myself in this) could stand to get a little more comfortable with that. because at the end of the day what matters a lot more than whether you think someone is right or not is how the two of you treat each other. publicly mocking and belittling someone because you don't like their take on a fictional character is just not the way to keep a fandom going.

[erazonpo3]

Erazon's Characterisation Essay (Part 1 - Cynthia Edition)

General preface; This is me snowballing on a thought I had earlier about canon v fanon trends given that it's a pretty evergreen topic. Without getting too much into the subject itself, I made the point that you can use the source material as a starting point for analysing characterisation, but in a lot of cases it's highly interpretive; using Pokemon as an example, most of the non-player characters exist to enable the player's autonomy throughout the game's storyline, and only a small handful have their own detailed arcs and backstories.

Therefore if you want to build on characterisation for them for transformative fanworks, you only have a handful of dialogue lines and some environmental storytelling that borders on olympic levels of mental gymnastics. Things like backstory and character motivation needs to be invented, to which end the concept of 'canon' characterisation becomes pretty insignificant in comparison to the story you are trying to tell, and whether or not that characterisation is thematically appropriate and compelling. Everyone is going to have a subjective opinion about the 'essence' of a character, the core traits that make them who they are, and how integral those traits are for it to be a 'canon' or 'fanon' interpretation.

And yet there's still ways to analyse the games to draw some conclusions that aren't always obvious straight away.

I'm going to go into how I draw characterisation for Cynthia for Way Out, but keep in mind that I don't consider my characterisation perfect or the One True Depiction To End All Others etc and so on and so forth. There's things I need to discard in favour of the story– adults in the Pokemon games, including Cynthia, have a pretty laissez-faire attitude when it comes to kids handling crises so that the target audience (kids) can feel acutalised as they play through the story, but it's not always what I consider a core character trait so much as a function of the medium.

I play up a sense of responsibility and duty that isn't really depicted in the games but is nevertheless an easy takeaway in order to give her character a bit more depth and relateability. And when other people take her character in a different direction, I try to keep an open mind about what they're saying about her character in their story, because their story is not a video game for children nor a webcomic, and they will need to do different things depending on her narrative role.

(I don't have to like it, but I'm no less a subjective soul than anyone else).

I also pull here and there from other sources of inspiration, one I've mentioned before is a meta-analysis of how she's treated by the fandom in general, assuming she'd be treated a similar way as a public figure in-universe. A lot of my character work is about peeling back that legendary status and asking who the person underneath is and how she might deal with the pressures of being expected to consistently meet other people's high standards, and how to balance a healthy competitive streak without it becoming toxic.

But more to the point– here's some material exclusively from Platinum that I think collates to a pretty consistent depiction of her character, to keep in mind and interpret any which way, arranged into some key traits.

She is the granddaughter of a village elder in a traditional rural town.

"My grandma has this sort of bossy atmosphere about her. I think you'll recognize her right away. Yes, I'm sure you will. She's the elder of Celestic Town"

An overlooked aspect of her character that I think holds some of the ripest potential for her character is that we know a fair deal about where her family is from, potentially where she was raised. My personal conclusions are:

It is likely she has an ingrained sense of cultural values of humility, respect, duty, and tradition. While she may not be ruled by these traits, they would influence the way she interacts with the world.

Her interest in mythology is likely inspired the mural in Celestic town, and reflects a value of heritage and history.

It's a common 'fanon' that her grandmother was her primary guardian through much of her childhood, which isn't substantiated anywhere (just because we don't meet her parents as NPCs doesn't mean they don't exist) but this idea strengthens the connection she has to Celestic town and emphasises her position as the elder's heir.

Cynthia introducing herself as a trainer and not a Champion suggests humility; she positions herself as an equal to the player as opposed to a superior.

2. She is earnest and sincere

"...The places we are born. The time we spend living... The languages we speak... We are all different. But the presence of Pokémon unites us. We share our lives with our Pokémon and our happiness grows as we all become greater than we were alone. That is why we can battle and trade with anyone we choose..."

This is a reflection of her position as a narrative foil to Cyrus; where he dismisses the importance of emotion and 'spirit', she holds it in high regard. Thus;

She sees strong emotions as the source of her bond to her Pokemon and therefore the source of her success. While it's not to say she's an overly empathetic person, I think it follows easily that is generally emotionally intelligent (generally).

I think she's self-aware about how emotional she can be too, which is to say it's something she consciously embraces despite knowing she comes across a little overly earnest (and cheesy) sometimes.

"I love the sound a piano makes. I savor every note with my entire being. It's not only my ears; my spirit hears the music it makes... Ehehe, I made myself cringe saying that."

3. She is intelligent

"I think I let myself get carried away and talked for far too long. I'm sorry, and thank you"

This feels like a no brainer (ha) but it's also easy to take someone who comes across as emotional and write them off as being illogical or not having the depth for complex thought. To me, her emotional intelligence goes hand in hand with her analytical intelligence.

Her fascination with mythology is one of her defining traits, and her dialogue is the source of much of the lore surrounding the Sinnoh legendary Pokemon.

Her pursuit of knowledge is one of her defining traits; her interest in mythology and the distant past is referenced more frequently by herself and other NPCs than the fact of her being Champion. "My big sister is studying the myths of Sinnoh. She wants to know how people and Pokemon interacted in the days of myths."

As a Champion, I consider that she's very calculating and analytical. Even without the strategic held items given to her in BDSP, her Pokemon have perfect stats and have solid type coverage. It's not something she would accidentally stumble onto.

"When you are facing a Trainer in battle, you can learn everything about them. What Pokemon they have. What moves they've taught. What items they make Pokemon hold."

4. She is kind

"I want you to keep traveling to many far-off places. I want you to keep meeting all kinds of people and Pokémon. I came all the way here just so I could say that to you!"

A Champion in this game being kind isn't really a revolutionary idea, but it's still something I consider very integral, particularly in conjunction with the prior traits; there is diplomacy and there is compassion, and to me Cynthia balances both.

She is something of a mentor figure to the player, giving them the solution to obstacles on multiple occasissions (HM Cut, the Secret Medicine), and imparts a lot of lore to them. Notably she gives them an egg which hatches into a Togepi; while this event doesn't happen in BDSP and Platinum doesn't have the Fairy type, it's still retroactively made more interesting for the fact that Togekiss' modern Fairy/Flying type grants perfect immunity to her Garchomp's Dragon/Ground typing.

Some of the few interactions the player will have with her is giving medicine to the Psyduck blocking the route to Celestic town, and then delivering a charm to her grandmother– it gives an impression that she is regularly invested in small acts of kindness.

5. Other tidbits

Every time she interacts with you as the player, it is always through the lens of an adult with a public position speaking to a child; I take it as a given that all her interactions have a slight amount of professional distance, and a formality she wouldn't have if speaking to an adult friend.

She reveals that she went on a similar journey as the player character after being given a Pokedex by Professor Rowan, which could imply she experienced similar experiences to the established protagonist journey formula.

There's a slight goofiness to some of her dialogue that suggests she doesn't always take herself too seriously. "You've seen that group of Psyduck huddled with their heads in their, uh, hands...?"

It's a pretty common 'fanon' for Cynthia to have known Cyrus in her childhood, but this isn't really substantiated in text; her dialogue towards him would be a lot colder with that context as opposed to a stranger. It's a common headcanon because giving them a history together strengthens their position as foils, but in my opinion it's equally as interesting that Cyrus succeeds as far as he does because he exists in Cynthia's blind spot- she admits she didn't pay enough attention to what Team Galactic was up to, and can only stand in opposition to him ideologically, unwilling to entertain (or empathise with) his perspective. It hints at a certain stubbornness she has when she believes she's right and someone else is wrong.

This is just what I personally glean from the text; it's possible I've missed something that somebody else considers ultimately integral. But I hope that my writing in Way Out speaks for itself in how I apply all this to her character in the story, and why I feel it's important to do so. Cynthia is the character I second-guess the most in her characterisation because she should always be recognisable, even while going through different arcs. Her values, her intelligence, her sincerity, and her kindness are all things that need to be balanced with the needs of the story; how strong she is is just a relative thing to what any particular scene demands.

There's a lot I could still elaborate on but for the sake of at least attempting to keep this (relatively) concise, I wrote all this to highlight how I try to stay on track with consistent characterisation, which may not be the perfect ideal for this character but nevertheless is the best version for my story. There's nobody I hold to a higher writing standard than myself, and I try to constantly ask myself if I'm really writing what's best for the narrative or if I can do something better. I'm not interested in the most canon depiction that exists for another story, I'm interested in what's right for my story.

And uhhhh peace ✌️

[ozzgin]

Do you have any advice for those who want to post their stories and ideas on here but are just starting out

Not sure if I'm the best person to offer advice on these matters, as I feel my presence here has been mostly accidental. That being said, I am capable of introspection and I've been here long enough to notice patterns, so I can gladly share my own observations with you! Feel free to draw your own conclusions. Everyone else is invited to offer corrections or additions. :)

Guide under the cut because it's another long ramble divided in 3 parts.

What to post

The million-dollar question. Do you want to share original stories, or fanfiction? Various genres, or reader centered romances? You have the choice to try your luck and dive in with your own thing or scour the market to build a following first.

I've seen trending original stories from accounts who'd just started out, but don't use that as a reference for the quality of your own work. If you're not gaining traction, it doesn't automatically mean it's bad. There are hundreds of variables involved: the time, the context, the people. It takes one big blog to discover your story and share it, and you've taken your first step into recognition. The main issue is, there's no guarantee when or if it's going to happen.

Your other choice is to introduce yourself with fanfiction. Consider it a way of saying “let me show you my writing skills through something of your interest”. If you've been wanting to write fanfiction from the beginning, great! Now comes the next question: what is your goal? If you want more recognition, you'll want to consider the fandoms. Is there something you're into that's currently also trending on Tumblr? Writing for Hazbin Hotel, for example, will most likely get you more notes than writing for some 90s manga very few people know about. At the end of the day, you shouldn't feel pressured to write for what's "selling", but you can always find a compromise that works for you. Once you gain more followers, you can always sprinkle in more variety. Having more people who appreciate your work will give you a little boost when venturing into other areas.

I'll give you my personal case: I decided to share my Baki story right at the time a new season was out. It just so happened that many other people were interested in said character. "I only watched two episodes and immediately searched for fics", or "I saw an edit and now I'm here". So, there were people actively keeping tab on recent works for more content, and one of the relevant blogs in the fandom shared my content as well. That got the ball rolling. I've always been a multi-fandom blog, and thus with more visitors came more diverse requests. "Wait a minute, I came for X, but I see you like Y, too!"

TL;DR: If you're interested in original work or lesser known fandoms but want recognition, try to expand into trending and popular fandoms to gain visibility.

How to post

Is there a specific template you must adhere to? Absolutely not. However, I've noticed many common elements from people sharing their stories. There are authors who will dive right into the story, no title, no descriptions, but they already have followers who know what to expect. If you're just starting out, you might want to offer a helping hand to people who don't know you yet. Have a concise, clear title. Make it obvious from the beginning what your story is about. You can include trigger warnings or content previews. Maybe a little synopsis or two-three sentences to summarize everything. I've seen some blogs mention that their shorter stories get more interaction (1-2k words), so this might be something to consider. If you would prefer going for longer works, perhaps it's wise to give everyone a heads-up and include the word count at the beginning. If you want to encourage people to check out your other works, you can include a link to your masterlist at the top of the post.

Regardless of appearances, once your content is written, it needs to be tagged. Which brings us to the next topic:

This truly isn't meant to call anyone out, just something I noticed. Many people don't know how to use the hashtag feature.

Let me give you a fabricated example: you just published your best fanfiction so far. The magnum opus of your work. Time passes, and you barely get any notes. You tagged the post with #fanfic (because it's fanfiction, right?), #writers of tumblr (to notify other writers of your presence), and #series name. It's not bad by any means, but these are extremely generic hashtags. If your only anchor for the post is, say, #Harry Potter, it will be immediately drowned by the massive influx of various content under this tag: memes, fanart, discussions, screenshots. Everything meets here. If your story is a reader insert, your target is not only the overall fandom, but specifically the people looking for this type of story. Which characters are featured? Is it more of a fluffy romance, or downright smut? Is your original character a monster? If so, what kind? You have to help people find your content. If you're not sure what tags to include, use other blogs as reference. Find stories similar to yours and check the top posts. What other tags did the author use? Is there a common pattern among these popular stories?

TD;DR: Make your posts clear and obvious within the first few lines. Overly general or overly specific tags are not bad, but they shouldn't be your only identifying features. Make it very easy for people to navigate your blog (masterlists, consistent hashtag system, etc)

When to post

At one point I asked myself, out of curiosity, why some of my own posts are more popular than others despite the same amount of effort. Is there a difference depending on when you release your content? The answer is yes! There's an article discussing the best times to post on social media in order to maximize engagement. Of course, there's many variables involved, and these time intervals are not a guarantee. When are your followers most active? When do you notice a peak in notifications? Have a look at this neat desktop feature. It gives you all the answers you need. If your engagement is the highest at a given hour, it might be worth a shot to post your content then. You can also schedule your posts to match the patterns.

Let's say you posted something, and you suspect it hasn't reached all of your followers. Maybe it was a slow day, and it got less engagement than usual. I've seen people who reblog their own content the next day or even regularly, so you can opt for that if you're worried you missed out.

Additionally, Tumblr seems to reward activity. You may post as often or as little as you'd like, as long as you maintain a certain regularity. If you search for top posts/blogs of all time, you'll notice it's not actually an all-time chart, but only the content with recent engagement. A post with a million notes that hasn't been touched in 5 years won't show up. Same for blogs. The recommendations you see are of accounts who frequently post under the given hashtag. This is something to keep in mind as well.

Lastly, if you're willing/are extroverted enough, you can always try to network and build a group of mutuals. Reblog, leave comments, reach out to people within the fandom or who do the same thing. When a post is fresh, it may be temporarily bumped to the top of the search if it receives a burst of engagement. So, it definitely helps to have a bunch of friends who give you a little boost.

Yeah. This is what I have. It's not a matter-of-fact textbook, just what I personally witnessed or my own inferences. The most important detail is to give yourself time, and of course to have fun! I wish you the best of luck, and don’t forget that your ideas are worthy regardless of the outcome.

[summitclan-chronicles]

Applications are Closed!

Holy cow, we finally made it - and what a grand venture this has been! So many new faces, so many new friends, so many questions and answers! I've learned so much about the people that have come here, even before anyone hops onboard the server!

I'm so thankful for the kindness, grace, curiosity, interest and patience you have all granted me. I have wanted to make this roleplay since I was very much a child too young to be on the internet, and to see that it might actually be something - even significant, at that? - it blows my mind without hesitation.

And just the same, I am thankful for everyone that faced the bravery of coming off anon and talking to me in asks and replies! I'm so glad to have some familiar faces in my feed so early - and I'm sure others have come to recognize and respect you too!

Now, with the soft gushy stuff over, I have 3 gifts to present to you!

i. Application Replies!

Some were multiple choice, so I gathered those together to put in review:

The arcs question made me & fiancee smile, because it stayed pretty consistent, with the most people having read TPB and the fewest having read ASC. On the contrary, I was not expecting so many people to have been rping in the kitty scene for over 10 years! I was also surprised at how many inexperienced people we got - and how filled out the middle was! I'm entertained by the near perfect split on wanting staff roles, & how few people chose Leader on the rank question.

Most importantly, I want to point out the question regarding being placed on a list for future loners and kittens. 98.4% is roughly 59 people, dude! We're going to have a robust list of people waiting for such openings, so I won't have to worry about inadequate responses just yet - much to my relief!

ii. A sneak-peak at our server setup!

I won't be giving out any more than this!

III. A Summitclan Playlist!

To get ourselves in the Summitclan spirit, I put together a little playlist! I'll be making a much longer one at a later date - but this works great for writing up a post or brainstorming characters!

The songs are ordered to flow nicely into one another, but they sound great shuffled too!

In conclusion...

🎄🕎🕯🕊 HAPPY HOLIDAYS🌹🌽✡️🎁

Get on your best jammies, snuggle up into something warm and put on your favorite music... spend time with the people you love & the things you love to do. Remember all this past year has brought to you, and know the good you've put into the world will return twicefold to you. Be it snowing, sleeting, raining or sunny where you are - be it arctic or balmy - you are here, alive and loved very deeply. You are someone to be celebrated, and you make people proud each and every day to be your friend.

Admin Jingo may be a bit absent due to family shenanigans, but feel free to send asks or reply to posts!

I love you all very much! As a reminder before I go...

Make sure your main Discord is accepting Friend Requests and DMs by December 29th (Friday).

If you get a friend request from someone named "Jingo-tastic", that's me!

Once the link has been sent to you, you'll have 1 week to heed it. If 3 days pass without a reply, I'll send a bump msg to your secondary!

You will be given access to the Summitclan Lore on January 1st, 2024 at midnight EST.

Roleplaying begins on January 8th.

Character creation/editing ends on January 15th.

Now that the grand opening has closed, the only way to join SCC is by way of newborn kittens or loners coming in from outside.

And one more time:

Thank you! ☃️

[xiaoyoa]

May I request romantic headcanons of Qi Shiyi, Fiona Gilman, and Michiko with an s/o who loves to pamper them ♥

If the amount of characters are too much/prefer not to write you can just choose whoever you want to write for :)

PAMPERING S/O X FIONA, QI, MICHIKO

warning - none! / gender neutral terms / romantic

note - i am SOSOSO sorry for responding to this ask so late! i've had lots of college business and it's all been so hectic...this is my first offical writing though!! hopefully i can look back on this and see how much i've improved.

FIONA GILMAN

- fiona loves you so much, she cannot amount it into words.

- she could care less if you're distant, close, introverted, extroverted....if you managed to get her to love you, she'll love you for eternity

- HOWEVER.

- fiona will never encourage you to spend money on her, or take time out of your day to fufill her needs - however if you DO carry out these activities, she'll fall in love all over again

- fiona's achilles heel is attention, if you give her gifts or massage her when stressed etc etc she will shut down...

- she always returns the favor tenfold though! you bought her a small teddy bear? she bought you twenty. LARGE ones.

- she LOVES pampering you, so make sure you pamper her back - she loves that even more!

- do try not to pamper her too much though, she may completely overload!

QI SHIYI

- qi, much like fiona is a very loving woman

- her love language, however, swings more towards the quality time side.

- her favourite things to do with you is to sit together, perhaps her playing the flute and you reading a book - or maybe you both go out to the garden and look at the flowers?

- either way, she will never pass up an opportunity to spend time with you

- if you were to pamper her, she might not know how to react at first

- she loves it, dont get me wrong! it's just not her style

- you'll find that if you give her gifts - she'll use them religiously

- you gave her a necklace, perhaps? she's wearing it for the next 6 months

- her favourite thing to recieve is hair accessories, or anything hair related! if you suggest doing her hair for her, she won't shut up about it until you do it (she'll only subtly mention it, but after the 50000th hint you'd probably get the point)

MICHIKO

- OH. MY. GOD.

- she ADORES being pampered!

- you and her are a perfect match, even more so than you were when the two of you fell in love!

- michiko adores you, her favourite part of the day is coming back to you and seeing how you're going to pamper her this time

- do her nails? she'll do yours as well! you've brought her some gifts? she'll cherish these forever, thank you s/o! spa night? can't we just do a spa night 24/7, s/o?

- michiko will pamper you back, but she much prefers being pampered by you

- sometimes she'll even fake being ill or upset so you can dote on her....

- in conclusion, pamper michiko and shes never letting go of you, EVERRR

- one thing michiko can never turn down is when you offer to help with her makeup, she finds it so endearing that you want to help with a major part of her identity and culture

- in conclusion she is the BEST person to pamper

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

I would really like to know if you did any kind of character study for Makima when writing your two-part fics. I'm sure others have said this to you, but you do a really good job of writing Makima. Her interactions with others (specifically reader) are never out-of-character in terms of tone and diction. Was there any aspect of her personality/character that was difficult for you to flesh out in writing? What did you enjoy the most when characterizing her? Thank you so much for your time!

TAT thanks so much, the amount of love the duology has received since I've written it makes it really happy! And I love being asked about the technical side of things I've written so thanks for asking!

I have done a couple of partially in-depth character studies in Makima, some of which I've subjected anyone in the tags to reading and subjected my friends to reading as well.

If you ever want to read those posts separately, you can check that out here.

But to summarize, after a thorough read of CSM I came to the conclusion that what got in the way of Makima's dream wasn't her nature as the Control Devil, but herself. She enjoys being in control, she enjoys tormenting people. Part if it is nature, yes. Controlling people comes to Makima as easily as Power desires blood as the Blood Fiend. But some of it's nurture. We aren't entirely sure how she was brought up but it clearly created a terrible, terrible person. A person who enjoyed fucking with people.

And by the time chapter 1 has rolled around, Makima is too far gone to ever get the sort of relationship she wants even if she had won.

So going with that analysis in mind, I wanted to craft a story with a Makima not quite at her breaking point.

I thought going in Makima would be difficult to write but it came surprisingly easy to me! I'm not sure if that's because I was up in CSM hell dissecting her character because it didn't feel like I was when I read things initially. I was mostly going "Someone PLEASE take all of Denji's suffering and give it to Makima" lmao, she grew on me after my reading part 1 of the manga.

She was even fun to write, in my opinion. It's her condescending way of talking to others, her surprisingly gentle voice that lacks any true warmth.

But I think the thing I enjoyed most of all as far as the Makima duology was writing Makima's displays of affections while still maintaining her possessive nature. Using her abilities to take control of the senses of animals to check when Reader gets home, eavesdropping, half-jokingly talking about how she can make people come to her wedding with the reader, using absolute control to force the Bureau to accept her resignation because all she desires at this point is living peacefully with her beloved. And especially her ambiguous wording of the contract in Man is the Breast, Heaven is the Playground.

As she maintains in her contract with the reader, she doesn't use her abilities on you and you'll stay with her forever. But I chose to have word choice be ambiguous because for Makima, a future where she can't guarantee she'll be loved the way she is in the present by the reader is one she doesn't desire. She won't allow it. She won't let herself be anyone else's so by extension, she doesn't want anyone else to have you.

It's a twisted selfishness blossomed from genuine love and affection, a feeling only you've given her.

She wants you forever. In this life and the next and the next and the next. Something you agree to without realizing the full implications of what she meant, not that you really care. You want to be with her forever too even if your belief was that it would be contained to a single life.

So in the sequel A Blazing Star Sought Refuge in My Chest, I really loved writing the scene where the reincarnated Reader meets Nayuta.

「You glared at the girl, ready for a fight. “Hey get off of m-,” You. Your words halted as soon as you saw her wide-eyed stare and tears. There was nothing familiar about this girl, you had never seen her before in your life. There was nothing familiar about her black hair, nor the mole under her left eye. You were sure you couldn’t say you’d ever met anyone with golden eyes with red rings in them either. There was no reason to feel like your senses had been set ablaze and the universe shifted.

You didn’t know this girl.

This girl was a stranger.

You knew this and yet you still fell to your knees as warm tears flooded your eyes without your permission. Your mind had gone blank, unable to conjure a single thought and even if you could, you doubted you would be able to voice them. So you followed instinct as it screamed at you to hold this stranger in your arms, welcomed the way she threw her arms over your shoulders in return.

An indeterminable amount of time passed while you cried in the arms of a stranger before you stood up again. 」

I wanted that scene to be purely instinctual with their souls recognizing one another. And with Reincarnated Reader's earlier mention that she felt like there was something in her life she needed to do, for the both of them it was like an awakening. A single moment of seeing each other was the birth of a universe. That's blazing star has found refuge in both of their chests in that moment.

The reason I chose to make them both children during this section of the fic was because of the inherent innocence they would have. An adult would have this experience and more than likely be skeptical and less receptive to such an experience. They'd be too cynical.

But for two kids alone in the world and instinct telling them they're meant to be together, that the other person is what they've been looking for this whole time, it makes perfect sense not to question it and live the rest of their lives together.

And as far as my completely separate Makima oneshot when it all comes Crashing Down (the title was a stylistic choice), I used Makima having a sweet tooth and the reader disliking things being too saccharine to reflect Makima's desire to clutch onto any traces their dying friendship and the Reader's dying affections towards her and yet still remaining by her side despite knowing their friendship is pretty much dead. I had a lot of fun with that!

[inposterumcumgaudio]

Mr. Kite

Remember how I said you already know everything you need to know about Mr. Kite?

Mr. Kite, as a character, embodies a narrative concept that I think a lot of people struggle with these days. There seems to be this idea now that if a question is posed and then left unanswered in a story, it's unfinished or a plot hole. It's not! Not every story is going to spoonfeed and hold your hand all the way to the end. In fact, some stories will leave you hanging, left to determine on your own what happened. People who cannot do this will have a bad time with stories like those. Further still, some stories will purposely leave you wondering with deliberately inconclusive possibilities, such that you'll never have a satisfactory answer even if you have the wherewithal to actually suppose about it on your own.

Like the question of what happened to the kids on the train. There's not a canon answer for that; there will never be a canon answer for that. You can come up with your own answers, but you're never going to have the satisfaction of knowing whether it's correct or not. And real talk? There was never any intent to have a correct answer. The writers themselves almost certainly do not have the answer because they purposely didn't want one.

Do they not make kids read The Lady, or the Tiger? in school no more?

Anyway, the question of Mr. Kite does two very interesting things.

In a world where apparently people are no longer comfortable with being left with an unanswered questions, the game presents you with this one and then makes you play through three acts and three more DLC without ever giving you the conclusion. Kinda mean! Love it!

Though not specific to videogames, but I do think it's the best medium to play with this idea: that you never meet Mr. Kite or ever get very close to learning more about him is playing with the convention of anything you encounter in a world like this being there specifically for you. That is, you are playing the protagonist and so any information presented is for your benefit and any problems that arise are yours to solve.

The second is the more compelling concept because a world where you are merely a cog in the machine rather than the operator is more realistic, but videogames are constructed so it asks a bit of both the designer and the player to engage with that and be satisfied. For the designer, you have to put in things that seem extraneous to the experience and there's limitations and considerations to take into account. Because it's a fine line. We Happy Few does do this in ways far less successful than Mr. Kite. You know, those things I like to call go-nowhere-mysteries. There's a difference between a part of the story you're not permitted to get any closer to and a part of the story that wastes your time trying in spite of that. And for the player, one has to be okay with not being the center of the world's attention at all times. They have to have that understanding that not everything is going to be for you to manipulate or interact with.

Now that I've made you sit through my philosophical rant, here's the one thing I think it's important for people to know about Mr. Kite (but you probably already knew and just never really thought about it (unless you wrote Une Raison d'Être Au Courant in which this is a crucial detail).

Mr. Kite does not help just anyone. He only helps Downers who can still take their Joy.

Part of this is, I think, practical. That we find Prudence in the motilene mines tells us that the way out for him is the same as it is for Arthur who must make the same journey unguided. And to get there, you have to go through the Parade and to get into the Parade, you must be able to take your Joy at least once.

But... there's also a dismissiveness to the Wastrel condition in his instructions. That they're starving and cold is no concern of his, he cares only for his "favourite Rabbit". Still, his Edenham safehouse is guarded and populated by Wastrels who will attack other trepassing Wastrels who enter which means that even if there's no Resistance, he does have accomplices in this. I wrote a chapter detailing why a Wastrel might want to work for Mr. Kite, but less nobler intentions might be that working for a man who has access to "good food" is the better bet than siding with your fellow Wastrels in Barrow Holm.

And then there's that he calls Prudence his "favourite Rabbit". It's a little creepy, yeah? That Prudence does make it all the way to the end suggests to me that this isn't any sort of play on her so much as that Mr. Kite might just be Like That in General but still, if my life were in the hands of some mysterious benefactor, I don't know that I'd like him being that affectionate in his missives.

But I also like the idea that whoever he's moving out of town at the moment is his "favourite Rabbit". Means you don't have the change the codes on the phones every time you get someone new.

You know what rabbits are? Delicate. They break their own necks if you look at them the wrong way. A person who wants to leave town on their own could and does. Arthur, Sally, Ollie, and Victoria all leave on their own. But I think if you need Mr. Kite to guide you through a town you've lived in your whole life, it's because you're too timid to set out on your own.

His note also seems to imply a joviality about the whole thing. Prudence is having a miserable experience making her way through the town, but Mr. Kite's having a grand time orchestrating Downer escapes under the nose of polite society. I suspect his is a life of some privilege if he's having this much fun with it. Would explain his disinterest in the plight of Wastrels, despite his otherwise apparently charitable acts against the status quo.

He's also one of Sally's Blackberry clients meaning he's either someone of enough importance in the town to justify it or, more likely, he's convinced her that supplying him is a good idea. Possibly even both. Prudence was also a client of Sally's so it's possible she's the one who referred her to Mr. Kite.

Overall, I think Mr. Kite is someone who recognizes the problems of Wellington Wells, but is not suffering from them personally. In fact, he's having a lot of fun playing subterfuge with the local government and playing hero to people who would never have been brave enough to leave the town on their own.

[blissents]

Devlog #1

Hi hi! ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ I don't really post often, but I told myself that starting in 2024, I wanted to share what I've been working on! I'm a solo game dev who has been developing a game called Visionaries. It's a romance visual novel that explores grief and loss.

༺✧ STORY ✧༻

"Visionaries": Special individuals with the ability to look into the past. There are a select handful of Visionaries who can also see into the future.

"What happens after we die?" The age-old question with no definitive answer. Many have constructed their own complex theories and stories to try and explain this mystery.

~~~~~

Explore the world of Visionaries as you wake up in an unfamiliar room, unable to speak and move. You're faced with unusual people (who tend to bicker any opportunity they get) only to later discover that they are your assigned Visionaries. These Visionaries have only one task; they intend on looking into your memories.

What is the purpose of Visionaries existing, and why do they insist on looking into your mind?

If you want to read more about the progress I've made on Visionaries, please continue reading below the cut! ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ

༺✧ ART ✧༻

Most of my time has been spent working on the art! (I can't feel my hand) My main focus is to finish drawing all of the character sprites as well as finish rendering the backgrounds. I've already come up with all the designs and expressions for the characters, they just need to be rendered :,)

I still need to create their little character info sheets (I have no idea what the word is, haha), where you'll learn their names, ages, and all of that fun stuff ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ

Below are some of the sprites :-)

The first two are fully rendered, while the other three need to be finished :,)

As for backgrounds, I have 1 that is fully rendered and 3 that still need to be finished! I'll only be sharing 3/4 today since I'm unsure if I'll be including the one background in the demo.

To be honest, I struggled quite a bit when drawing the backgrounds D: There were a lot of things I envisioned, but unfortunately, I didn't know how to fully portray them. I had some trial and error while coming up with the original designs. That being said, I'm glad I was able to come up with something I felt satisfied with! I'm planning for the rest of the backgrounds to follow the red/brown colored theme as seen in the first photo ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ

Of course, there will be more backgrounds than the ones I'm currently showing! I already have some ideas/drafts for those, but they might change depending on the way the story plays out.

༺✧ WRITING ✧༻

So far, I've planned for the demo to have a little less than 9k words. I'm unsure if I'll keep it at 9k words, or if I'll expand it some more so that there will be more content in the demo :-) We'll see!

As for the overall game, there will be at least 2 routes. There will also be 2 romanceable options (one being he/him, the other being she/they). I'm still figuring out how I want to script all of this, so these aspects may change in the future!

The game will also have options where you can choose your pronouns and name!

Here's a small snippet of the script!

I wanted to show the dynamic between two of the characters :-)

༺✧ OTHER ✧༻

Besides writing and coding, I've been coming up with some ideas for the GUI! I don't have any current drafts of that to share, but I'll hopefully include them in a future devlog ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ I also have plans on creating the cover art for the game, cgs, more backgrounds, and possibly some promotional art (rip my hand, there's so much I need to draw (╥_╥))

I was thinking about composing the music for the game, but I realized I know absolutely nothing about music and wouldn't even know where to start if I had tried :,) So instead, I've compiled a list of some soundtracks and sound effects I might use! Hopefully, I can share that in the future once I've narrowed down which soundtracks I know I'll be using.

༺✧ CONCLUSION ✧༻

My overall goal is to release the demo sometime during this year! Because I'm doing everything myself (art, script, writing, etc.), it might take me a bit longer to get everything done. My apologies for that! (╥_╥)

Besides that, I really just want to start creating and sharing more of my art. Getting over the mental hurdle of being afraid to show my work is honestly pretty terrifying for me. I normally only share the things I create with close friends, but I think it's time to get over this fear of mine! ᕦ(ò_ó)ᕤ

I was able to make significant progress within these past few weeks since I'm currently on my winter break. Classes start back up soon, though, and I'm going to be internship-hunting as well as planning on a big move. I'm still going to try my best to juggle everything so that I can make even more progress on the game! ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ

At the end of the day, all of this is a fun little project I've always wanted to do. As a little kid, I absolutely loved playing VNs (and I still do!). Creating my own game felt like an unreachable goal, but with enough effort, I think it's something obtainable ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ I really just want to create something that others can enjoy!

As a side note, I have some plans to create a little blog (not even sure if it's considered a blog, haha) about the games I've played/want to play! That will be coming very soon!

Thank you to anyone who read this far! You have my eternal gratitude <3

~ bliss ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ

[papakhan]

@lynettethemadscientist replied to your post “Oh actually I think if you only play fallout 4 and...”:

Oh is this about me? I just only played Fallout 4 so far. I’m new to the Fallout series. Are people in fandoms not allowed to enter discourse until they’ve consumed every piece of relevant media?

​I didn’t want to make this its own post but I’ve written so much I kind of have to. I've turned off reblogs but feel free to add to this in my replies.

You put up a sign saying "I don't think raiders can be humanised, change my mind" and then argued with people who tried to have discussions with you. All 3 of the people who tried to engage in a discourse with you gave up and I can see why. You're ignoring their points and talking as if these characters in a video game have agency and are choosing to “dehumaniz(e) themselves” when they don't, they are lines of code written by somebody else with their own preconceived biases. What people are asking you to do when humanising raiders is to think outside of the mechanics of a video game and think about their nuances. What led them to this way of life? What do they think of it? Do they wanna get out or are they happy as they are? Forget yourself as the player character ready and willing to blast their brains out for a second and just think of them as people.

Here's the thing, I like Raiders. That doesn't mean I think everything they do is justified, but I like to think about how they justify themselves, which is something the og Fallout and Fallout New Vegas are very good at. Fo1 and FoNV's raiders are defined and their actions and rationale make sense and even if you don't personally agree you can still understand how and why they came to those conclusions. Fallout 4 and Fallout 3 are some of the worst games when it comes to talking about character justifications, including both raiders and normal wastelanders (and your companions!) Nobody in-game can explain why they're still living in the same bombed-out crumbling building full of skeletons because the writers don't care, they just want their wasteland setting and don't want to think about anything else. You coming in to complain about how "I have yet to see any backstories for the settlers" and how the prewar skeletons and raiders typing in terminals are stealing all the limelight with their "sob stories" when you've only played 1 game out of 6-8 is just silly. I promise you the other games are full of settler stories, it's just the game that you're playing and using as your source doesn't really bother with it.

I also don't have a problem with you only just getting into the series. I promise you that I'm NOT trying to gatekeep or anything like that, Fallout is a great series with a lot of stuff I'm sure you'll enjoy. However what you need to understand is that a lot of the games, especially Fo1 and FoNV are very politically heavy games and unfortunately you cannot engage in discourse with them without stepping on some people's political sensibilities. You acting like there's a hardline between right and wrong and stealing, dealing/doing drugs, and being in gangs are objectively evil things to do just comes across as you showing your ass regarding how you feel about actual real-life poor people who are right now in jail for doing those things just to survive. I don't know if those are actually your beliefs but that's just the nature of publically discussing these topics. Good and Bad, and Right and Wrong are very contentious topics and again you acting like the only thing that makes us human is being able to "*choose* right over wrong" and saying "An important aspect of humanity is self-control" is a bad look. Are you saying that people with self-control issues aren't human? Because that's how you come across.

I wanna finish this by saying I'm not mad at you. I didn't wanna pick a fight with you, hence why I made a vague-post instead of replying directly. I'll be honest with you I made that post because I saw your replies and was very disheartened and disappointed, maybe I shouldn't have made a post when I was emotional and for that I'll say that I'm sorry. However, the reason why I've taken time out of my day to write this huge reply is because I love Fallout and I want people to be able to enjoy it and have as much fun with it as I do, so I want you to understand what other people were trying to explain to you and why it might have felt like the discussions weren't going anywhere.

I encourage you to have discussions about this game and think about it as deeply as you want but you do need to be mindful about what it is you're discussing. This game has plenty to dissect but unfortunately, classism and racism are some of the things hard-baked into a lot of the lore by the nature of how old it is and who some of the writers/devs are. Of course I don't think you're those things, but it's important to me that you know where this comes from, why it's so important to be critical of the media you consume AND why so many people are critical of Fallout's writing especially when it comes to the Raiders. This isn't a You thing, I don't have a problem with you, it's just the writing choices that you're choosing to defend.

[maria-de-salinas]

Hello! I'm SO overdue to give you a big ol' rave review on the Vulnera Sanentur series, but I've been working my way through it this winter and spring, and I absolutely love it!! I admire your writing skills so much, and I'd love to pick your brain about writing inspo/strategy/etc.

So for the Fanfic Writer questions: ✍️🚀👓🦋🦈💭🚦💛

I know that's a lot, so feel free to skip Q's if its too much! :)

Ahhh, thank you my dear mutual who never fails to make my dash a more fascinating place <3

(And if you're interested the Snape/Lily ballet!au is wonderful!)

Answers below the cut:

✍️ What’s your ideal writing setup?

I'm not at all particular about where I write as long as it's reasonably quiet and comfy, but I love to write outside in the summer and as soon as I get a new laptop battery I intend to one of those coffee shop writers sipping gravely on a latte while I think about whether my characters should get it on in a library or the kitchen

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

Definitely outline, but creating as I go within that outline. Some of the best moments of writing are when the characters come to life and insist on wrecking all your plans for them. Which means the outlines keep evolving.

👓 What helps you focus when you write?

Definitely music! I nearly always listen when I write. It also helps set the emotional tone (sometimes too much and then I have to go back and tone it down)

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

Snape. Always Snape. Grey, ambiguous, complex, lonely, loyal, brave. Queer-coded, autistic-coded, masks in public, doesn't fit into anyone's box. And most importantly, someone who pickles slimy things in a laboratory and lines up the jars on his shelves.

Sometimes I wish I could get deep into some other fandom and character but he keeps calling me back.

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

Definitely Remus. Because at heart he is a genuinely kind and gentl person, but it's hard to disentangle from his passive-aggressive self-loathing and anxious avoidance. Which is so human and relateable but also really hard to pin down.

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

As someone who loves people and is fascinated by people but is socially quite anxious, writing is a lifeline. I *have* to write. It's all about the vulnerability and intimacy. I'm an absolute fiend for these scared, lonely, closed-up characters learning to let their guard down and be vulnerable with someone, whether a friend or a lover or something in between. And letting themselves love in the midst of their grief, knowing that they could lose again, knowing that grief is, as told by WandaVision, love persevering.

(And on the smuttier side of things, I've come to realize that I have something of a thing for extremely repressed characters having an awakening. Which is why you tend to see a lot of Virgin!Snape tags in my fics. I also love exploring all the awkwardness that comes with being physical and how that ties in to being vulnerable.)

🚦What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.?

Happily ever after but with a touch of something to make them feel real, maybe? Everything is okay but the characters have scars or regrets or losses, or they love each other but still have conflict.

Bittersweet endings are so powerful and memorable and beautiful and I love them and hate them and they make me want to chew my arm off. I've only written one, a conclusion to one of the storylines in Vulnera Sanentur and The Bollan Cross. I think about it all the time.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

Write what you love. Always. Because there's at least one person out there who will love it too, and it's a story you'll always be able to keep and take with you. And if you're not enjoying it, you don't have to do it! Take a break, switch to a new project, write that self-indulgent thing you've always wanted to.

The asks can be found here, so feel free to reblog or let me know in the comments if you want to be asked something! I love hearing about people's creative process.

[owletwriter]

Welcome to Hawkins

CHAPTER 6

Summary: Stranger Things and The Upside Down, they're both fictional, right? But what if it wasn't? What if somehow, someone comes across a gate and ends up in not only the 80s...but in Hawkins?

Slow-burn Eddie x Reader / Eddie x OC, Robin x Friendship!Reader

Disclaimer: Don't own the rights to any characters except the ones I created for this story.

Hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5 | CHAPTER 7 | CHAPTER 8 | CHAPTER 9

------------------------------

It's been about over a week since it was concluded that there was no gate present at Hawkins High. During that time, Steve, Robin and Dustin informed the rest of the group about the situation, even contacting those who moved to California. After some brainstorming, we wound up at the same conclusion, there's nothing that could be done without a gate present.

There was even a discussion if Eleven could open one, but she doesn't have her abilities anymore and even if she did, it's not worth the risk for what might happen opening a gate. Nancy suggested getting in touch with Dr. Owens, but no one knows how to contact him since he apparently went off the grid. As of right now, I'm stuck in the 80s and until something organically happens, this is my new life.

Other than that, every day life has been normal. School, for the most part, has been lackluster. I've been lucky enough to not accidentally bump into the metalhead again. In Pre-Calculous, he skipped a few times and when he does show up, I've been making sure to be in class early, so I can keep my head down looking busy. I feel ridiculous and immature doing it, but I can't help it.

Currently, I've been trying to find someplace to move. Robin has been nothing but generous to me, even getting me a job at "Family Video" and lending me some cash to buy some clothing of my own. However, I think I've overstayed my welcome and even though she's told me it's completely fine, I feel guilty about it. Plus, her mom will get suspicious if I stay for more than the allotted time we said I'd be here.

"You really don't have to leave, you know?" Robin tells me with a sympathetic look as we get ready for school.

I shake my head replying, "Seriously, it's fine, Robin. I'll need to find a place eventually, might as well start now." Robin observes me as I shove my books into my bag and then puts her hand on my shoulder to make me turn around.

Examining my face with slight worry in her expression she asks, "Hey…are you okay?"

Giving her a convincing smile I say, "Yeah, I'm good. I'm just a little worried about my Pre-Calc test today."

"You'll definitely ace it. You're actually some type of savant when it comes to math." She jokes lightly shoving my shoulder earning a chuckle from me. It's then the routine of breakfast, Steve picking us up, and listening to the debate of the day between the two of them while heading to the high school. Today's argument is about what the best sci-fi movie is.

"Hello? It's clearly Back to the Future! Right, Kate?" Robin claims while asking me for backup.

Steve immediately shakes his head, "No way! You only think that because it's popular right now, but Dune is classic and will continue to be one." Steve says rejecting Robin's stance.

"Nope, mine is the superior one. What other movie would take the risk and show a mom wanting to bang her son? Plus, it's going to have a sequel. You only get a sequel if it's awesome." She counters his stance with a smirk.

"Mhm, yeah sure, if you're into that." He tells Robin jokingly judging her which results in her lightly shoving him and he then exclaims, "And hey that's cheating because you had future insight!" He comes up with an idea and says, "Here's an easy way to know which one is better..." Steve addresses me glancing towards the back seat, "Kate, which movie do people know about in the future?"

Robin scoffs, "Now who's the one cheating and you know Kate won't tell us, right?"

I notice a lull in their debate and realize they're waiting for me to say something, "Oh uh, yeah! Sorry can't tell you."

I then continue to gaze out the window and I can here Steve whisper to Robin, "What's with her?" I don't hear a response so I assume Robin just gave him a gesture. We arrive at the school and Steve waves a goodbye as the two of us walk away. Robin and I agree to meet at her locker this time for lunch, and then we split off to our schedules.

Again, I make sure to get to Ms. O'Donnell's class early and instead of pretending to be busy, I actually review the material before the test. Right after the bell rings, I feel the familiar presence of the metalhead passing by me and the usual bundle of nerves come, but I've been getting used to the sensation.

The test is handed out and stare at it before writing my name and the date. The 18th. Let's hope this day just goes by fast. I think as I scan the test first and then begin. It goes smoothly for me solving the problems and with the last few minutes of the class I check for any mistakes. For the rest of the classes, I go through the same motions and space out a little more than usually do.

By the time lunch rolls around, the first question out of Robin's mouth when we sit down to eat is, "How did the test go?"

"It went pretty well. I was able to answer all the problems easily." I answer while chewing after taking a bite of my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

When I hear no reply I glance up to see Robin inspecting me again, then asks, "Seriously, what is going on with you?"

"What do you mean?" I ask her back a little taken aback by the question.

"You've been pretty quiet and just seem, I don't know…a bit sad?" Robin explains it the best way she can to me. "Did something happen with you-know-who? Like something embarrassing?" She assumes speaking quietly knowing I don't want it to be overheard.

"No, no! Nothing like that." I respond shaking my head and add, "I just didn't really sleep that well, so I've been feeling like a zombie all day."

Relaxing, she chuckles, "Oh yeah, I definitely know that feeling." After a bit more casual conversation, the bell rings and it's time for our History class. Looking down at my tray, Robin points down at the untouched cupcake commenting, "You didn't get to eat your cupcake."

I grab it while putting the tray back where it needs to be and say, "Ah well, I'll just save it for later." We walk over to my locker so I can put it inside while I also snatch the books I need.

It's difficult to stay focused during the class when it starts and during the whole lesson I notice Robin taking glances over at me probably still concerned. Even though it's painstakingly trudging along, the lesson eventually concludes and I stretch out my limbs before standing from my desk.

Before we part for our last class, Robin asserts, "Meet me at my locker again when your class finishes." Without questioning it, I just agree and then she turns to exit the room for her next class.

As I get the textbook for the final subject, I stare at the cupcake sitting in my locker. Screw it. I think as I shove the book back in it's spot, grab the cupcake, and close my locker making my way towards the back of the school. I exit through the back door, scan around to see if anyone is in the vicinity and take a seat on the steps near the top.

Staring down at the delectable treat in my hand, as my mind wanders. I hope Sarah is okay. I don't know how long it's been since I've been gone. I'm unsure if time works the same here versus there. It could be ten minutes or ten years. It doesn't matter I guess because it's not like I'm going back. I won't be able to see my friends, my parents, or brother again. I thought I would be spending today with Sarah. We'd probably go to our usual karaoke spot and then get some ramen from our favorite Japanese restaurant in the city. My eyes start to shed a few tears thinking about my life back during the present day. The door from behind me suddenly opens causing me to spin around to see who it is. It's the last person who I would want seeing me like this in my current state, Eddie.

"Oh sorry, I didn't know anyone else would be here." He quickly says about to turn around until he recognizes me and teases, "I didn’t think you'd be the type to skip."

I clear my throat and look down trying to hide my face with my hair while responding , "I-I…usually don't."

"Well, there's a first time for everything." He chuckles a little, but then he gets a good look at me pausing to ask, "You okay?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine." I reply not wanting to deal with him and so I turn my back to him wiping my eyes. I don't hear anything for a moment, but then there's footsteps coming towards me. From the corner of my eye, I see him take a seat next to me a couple of inches away to give me my space.

After a few more seconds of silence, he speaks up nonchalantly, "You know…I didn't think my reputation was that well known that even the new girl from New York knew who I was on her first day here."

"What?" I ask turning my head to him confused.

He smirks at me and says, "You called out my name without me ever properly introducing myself."

It takes a moment to think back to that day and when it clicks, I'm embarrassed by my slipup muttering, "Oh."

"It's cool though. I bet you heard some interesting facts about me." Eddie teases looking forward playing with his rings, but I can hear a hint of annoyance in his tone. Should I risk saying more than I know? I contemplate to myself.

Taking a breath and staring down at my cupcake in my hands, I tell him in a quiet voice, "Um…just that you play D&D and like metal."

"So you don't think of them as…" Eddie starts to say and then puts on a fake newscaster voice, "…satanic rituals."

I can't help but chuckle at his impression and reply, "I-I don't believe in that. My brother plays it…with his friends sometimes a-and he likes that music too."

From the corner of my eye, I watch him face me and asks, "Really now?" I just nod and in response he just says, "Good to know." There's another moment of silence before he speaks up again, "You might not want to squeeze that cupcake any tighter." Without realizing, the treat was slowly emerging from it's wrapper and I relax my grip sighing. "Want to tell me what's up?" The metalhead asks me, but then adds, "You don't have to if you don't-"

"It's my birthday." I interrupt him giving in after I contemplated whether to say something or not.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that usually a happy occasion?" He questions now curious as to why I'm acting somber.

"Y-Yeah…but…I…I'm not able to be with my family and friends…and no one here knows. So…" I tell him trailing off getting a little teary-eyed again.

"Party of one." Eddie finishes my sentence and I nod agreeing with him. Suddenly, Eddie stands up and I look over to see him searching his pockets. He pulls out a small piece of paper and then sits back down. I watch him carefully roll the paper, his tongue sticking out a little in concentration. Once done, he proudly holds up the stick of paper exclaiming, "A-ha!" I'm completely confused and Eddie notices, so he then leans over towards my direction which surprises me causing my heart to race faster than it already has been. I follow where Eddie's hand goes, and he sticks his creation on the top of the chocolate frosted dessert in the center. Quickly after, he fishes out from his pocket a lighter, flicks it on, and lights the tip of the paper. "Tah-dah." He says in a sing-song voice and explains, "Can't have a birthday without blowing out a candle."

I just stare at him smiling at me shocked and try to say something, "I-I…y-you…"

He gestures with his eyes and head towards the cupcake stating, "Uh...you should blow on it before it goes out. I don't think I have another piece of paper on me for a redo." As I hold the cupcake up higher to my face he adds, "Make a wish." Closing my eyes, I take a moment to think of what I want to wish for. I wish… I then blow out the flame on the makeshift candle and hear clapping. "Woo!" He shouts and I laugh at his silliness. Once the metalhead is done applauding, he finishes off the celebration grinning and says bowing his head, "Happy Birthday…M'lady." I feel like my heart skipped a beat in that moment.

"Th-Thanks, Eddie." I tell him and to show how grateful I am, I split the cupcake, then hand him half of it. We both devour our halves in a few bites while sitting in silence looking out at the field. The sound of the bell tolls indicating the end of the school day and we stand up from our spot. It's then that I remember our height difference when I view his tall stature. While walking to the door that the two of us came out of, Eddie jogs over to open it for me.

Once I reach him, he stops me before I go through the door to say, "Uh…I know it wasn't really how you imagined celebrating your birthday, but I hope that it was…something for you and that it helped a little."

Quickly studying his face, I can tell he really means it and I smile reassuring him, "It did. I…I really appreciate it."

We both enter the school again and before we part ways, he says, "I'll see you tomorrow in Ms. O'Donnell's."

I nod my head replying with a simple, "Okay." I turn walking away first, but I get the urge to look back, so I do. It's then I see Eddie still there watching me with a smirk and does a small salute when he notices that I turned around. I'm startled by it and spin back continuing to move forward. Robin's locker is close, so I head over to her with a bit of pep in my step. She's there gathering her things and once she spots me, her face goes from a casual smile to bewilderment.

"Alright…something definitely happened." Robin announces as I lean on the locker next to her and she goes on to make her observation, "This whole day you've been kind of moody and now suddenly you have a smile that looks permanently etched on your face. Spill it."

I sigh and feel a sense of guilt when I first start explaining, "So, I didn't tell you this earlier because I felt weird bringing it up, but…today's my birthday."

Robin's mouth immediately hangs agape and then shouts, "Oh my god! You should've told me!" Before I can reply, she then realizes something and continues, "I'm such an idiot! I saw your birthday on your ID and I totally forgot!"

 "I didn't expect you to remember after just glancing at it. It's totally fine, Robin." I tell her trying to comfort and calm down her slight frantic state.

"No it's not." She declares while slamming her locker shut and then says now pushing me down the hall, "I'm going to make Steve cover for us at work and we're going out to celebrate." Before I can even try to refuse, Robin answers, "Nope, not taking no for an answer."

We arrive at my locker so I can grab my things and while doing so, I finally speak up, "You don't have to feel completely bad about it because…I kind of…already had a mini…party?"

Taking hold of my shoulders, she spins me now curious questioning me with the tiny bit a jealousy in her voice, "With who?"

Now feeling embarrassment from the situation, I ramble, "I mean, it wasn't planned. I decided to skip last period and went out back with my cupcake to sit on the stairs. I was going to just kind of wallow in silence while shoving the dessert in my face, but then he interrupted me before I did that. He noticed I was upset, I told him it was my birthday and then he preceded to make me a candle. It was actually impressive thinking on the spot using a piece of paper and his lighter. I blew it out and then to show my thanks, I split the cupcake with him so we could both eat it. The bell rang, we part ways and before we did he said he'll see me tomorrow in Ms. O'Donnell's class. It's really not a big deal when you think about it."

"Ms. O'Donnell's cla-" Robin begins to say confused until a light bulb went off in her head realizing who I'm talking about and exclaims shaking my shoulders, "Holy shit! You were with Eddie!?"

I slap her hands off me shushing her and whisper, "Yes!" I close my locker and now talk at a normal volume, "Like I said it's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal!? This is huge!" She says still a little louder than I would like and then tells me, "He went out of his way to make you a candle for your birthday."

Raising my eyebrow at her while making our way to the exit I state, "It was just a piece of paper."

"Yeah, but it's not about the paper, it's what he did that means something." Robin replies and as we stand outside now waiting for Steve to pick us up she faces me to note, "He wanted to cheer you up and did. Plus, if it meant something to you, it's not just nothing." Before I can respond, we see Steve's car pulling up to us. "So, I'm thinking we first go to the arcade. After that, we'll stop by to visit Steve at work when he's done with his shift to grab a whole bunch of movies and we'll then all go back to my home to have ourselves a marathon." She tells me laying out her plan.

I chuckle amused by her schedule, "You can't forget the pizza and ice cream."

"Oh there's no way we can have a marathon without them." She comments like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "So, ready to have some fun?"

I smirk gesturing to a clueless Steve watching us and say, "Lead the way, Buckley."

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[starwalker03]

WMLP has some wonderful fridge horror in it. Realized today while rereading the first part of Could You Still Show Me The Light? that Dick is more far gone then I thought. Dick isn’t able to fully comprehend heroes anymore. He doesn’t understand why Roy was trying to do an impossible task to save someone. This was the kid going “Get traught or get dead” ready to die trying and fighting way above his weight class. And now he’s like that. His trust issues are so Artemis can openly say she has the same goal and he won’t let her in on his. This kid is fucked up.

fuck I know like sometimes I depress myself just by thinking about this fic too much. and I wrote the damn thing. why did i do this to myself.

I've never actively tried to write horror before, I don't think I could do it, I don't know the horror genre enough. Like the only horror films I've seen are the first Saw movie, the first half hour of Clockwork orange and like. I think I watched Friday the 13th at some point? idk, maybe I just watched a youtube gamer play it. But if horror vibes are coming through I'm glad to hear it, because the character regression these guys have gone through is horrifying! Thinking about it too long makes me want to lock myself in a room and scream for a while and these characters aren't even real.

But that was definitely a part of breaking Dick down and turning him into what he is now. Making him think in such a logical way, a problem-solving oriented way, that fighting a losing battle was something he couldn't justify anymore. Coming to that conclusion is an important part of him giving up and not fighting Slade anymore. the version of Dick Grayson that said 'get traught or get dead' is the version that keeps fighting the losing war, because even though you lose you go down fighting, screaming, scratching, clawing, and maybe at that last second you'll find the way out but you won't know if you give up. Now, when he knows those odds he stops the fight and he finds another way, whether it involves compromise, a long-term plan, a new direction, it doesn't matter. fighting a losing battle is a waste of resources and energy.