#I've done the self care bit like the meditation and the yoga and the walks but it's always been something

[greppelheks]

I think I'm slowly starting to understand that me being constantly exhausted is just because I'm finally safe and my body is no longer running on adrenaline and cortisol all the time. I've been fighting against the exhaustion for over a year but I haven't actually allowed myself to rest without feeling guilty.

[notesfromastranger]

The Promises

I want to try something different today. I’m not going to tell a story tied to a personal lesson.. I just want to walk you through a few scenarios and my thought processes throughout. By the way, the background to this is that I've been going through some things and I’ve been in a bit of a rut. So many feelings of unmotivation. I wanted to get out of bed but I couldn’t, I thought about cleaning the house but I didn’t. My appetite was non existent (hardly normal)! I recognized this though.. a bit of situational depression. So many times these thoughts would come up. The things I wanted to do to make myself feel better but that I mentally couldn’t tell my body to do. I started thinking about how I was going to get myself out of this. I hated this feeling but in a weird way I almost liked it. A masochist. I knew this had to end though, so the goal was to keep at least one promise to myself. The first thing that came to mind was to go to a therapy session. I felt like I needed it. Not sure exactly to what extent I needed it but I knew I did.

I walked in and my very young therapist greeted me at the door. I had heard through the grapevine that finding the right therapist was a bit of a journey and I got reminded of this when my mind emphasized her age. I sat down in her cute little room and began to spill the beans. Afterall, how else would she understand? I could tell that she was a little nervous herself. She didn’t appear confident. I knew that she wasn’t the right fit but it felt gooooodddd to vent to a stranger. I told her all of my neurotic thoughts and honestly I have to thank her for that. Not only that, but it felt like self care instead of just pouring my heart out to my best friends and feeling guilty because I just talked for 30 minutes straight. This was the first positive thing that I had done for myself in months it seemed and I got addicted to the high.

I told myself a couple weeks ago that I needed to work out. A lot of negative self talk with this one. So here is task number 2. Yoga class twice a week and running once. Yoga class 1 kicked my a**. I have a studio that I go to and this teacher has to be the hardest there. She kills me even when I haven’t been laying around for months. So maybe not the best class to start with. I survived it by pacing myself and basically sitting in child’s pose for 40% of the class. I liked it because I did it and honestly more so because I kept the promise to myself. Again, I felt the high.

Next was yoga class 2. This class was one that my dad suggested (family of yogis). It was taught by a mental health counselor who hosted this class monthly. She was a cute woman with really curly dark brown hair and the scent of a faint perfume which made me feel at ease. This was a restorative yoga class with hypnosis. This one was relaxing and absolutely no sweat involved.

Restorative yoga is a class where you hold 4 or 5 yoga poses for minutes each. There’s barely any moving involved. I had trouble with this part and struggled to find comfort in these poses. I asked for help a couple times due to the fact that I wanted to stay focused and get comfortable. I wanted the most out of this. She was extremely attentive and wanted me to get the most out of her class as well.

The hypnosis part was similar to a sleep meditation. During this part the therapist walked us through a scene to relax us and to help us stay present. Her voice was calming and had a certain rhythmic pattern to it. Of course there were a few moments where my mind wandered but there were also times where I felt like what she said really resonated with me and what I needed to hear. At the end of class she mentioned that she was a licensed mental health therapist and I thought, hmmm I think I’ve found my therapist. Her practice is located in the same part of town that I live in and she’s been doing this for 25 years! Experienced. Seemed like fate. I got another high. I kept another promise to myself and through this I discovered who I think will be important in my journey.

These are my first two promises and on Sunday, I will release the other important promises that I made and kept that brought me exciting events along the way. The small wins are what make up the big ones it seems. I’ve gotten myself out of that rut that I was in a week ago and I've rediscovered my inspiration. I’m sharing this with you in hopes that you will read this and let me know what you think. What are some things that help you, or that have given you the high? I love hearing different perspectives and appreciating someone else’s method. The path to spirituality takes a village.

[dreams-in-blk]

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"It begins to tell round midnight. Round midnight. I do pretty well until after sundown."

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All the stuff you're not supposed to feel. Where are our sanctuaries and retreats to process, heal and integrate that stuff? We got all the restaurants (looking at you celebs). All the clubs. Where are our spas, cabins, gardens and wilderness walks? Where are our prayer and meditation centers? Our magical places?

They got: Kripalu, Esalen, Shambhala & countless others. What we got? I know. "Use what you got to get what you need." I've thought about going to one of those places for years. I guess I just never felt it would be that restorative for me. But, I look at the offerings when I feel like I need a retreat. And since George they got us splashed all over the home page. And they got a picture of Jessamyn Stanley above the fold. And they got a yoga sistuh saluting all the Sun she can see right up over the "pay here" button.

And don't get me wrong, they mean well. I feel the sincerity. But, I guess I just don't want Karen's sister Mary tending to me when my soul needs a little TLC. But that's just me. I gotta use my "white voice" enough on the daily. Maybe I just don't want to have to use it on retreat.

Because I'm tired. And if I slip up and call the "restroom" a bathroom, I just don't want Mary kindly reminding me that the "restroom" is on the right. Or, apologizing that they don't have hot sauce. And the menu is vegan, organic and all-cotton and personally designed by Gwyneth and did I get the complimentary Goop self-care pak and...But, like I said, that's just me.

But you know they had Pops flying all over the world, dead smack in the middle of Jim Crow, growling tunefully about, "Oh, what a wonderful world" and using his laser-cannon smile to sell "Capitalism" and "America" when back at Home he couldn't even enter through the front gate. A "Welcome" sign don't always mean "Welcome." And a black-face figurine on the lawn don't mean they got a "colored" bathroom. I guess even on Juneteenth I still feel weary late at night. "It begins to tell 'round midnight."

But we have come a long way down Freedom Road and that is reason enough to rest. Lay this ol burden down for a night. See if I can catch up with Mama'nem in Dreamland.

Excuse the bitter tone. I never knew I felt like this. And the question never occured to me before. I guess I need to get me a cut tomorrow and head on over to Church Sunday mornin'. And somebody better bring me some rib tips Saturday night too. So, I can do, like The Eternal Mrs. Edwina (Emah Ahkot Zamirah Baht Yisrael) Clara Baker Prim, My Momma, used to do: Put Anita, Luther and Peabo on repeat... Mix herself up a gin martini and sip on it slow. And when it got real good to her put some Bill Withers on over in there with a little taste of Al Jarreau. And before long Billy Paul would be talkin' about the kind of thing he had going on with Mrs Jones and Patty Austin would be cooing about how she wanted James Ingram to come to her and "Let me put my arms around you" and I would be called up for DJ Duty. And Q. (Better known to You by his nickname "Quincy Jones") would step up on the Bandstand and begin makin' all kinds of Mojo Moves. Because he was The Dude who could and would, by waving his magic wand, summon all the power of Field Hollers, Gospel, Ragtime, Big Band Jazz, New Jack Swing, Mambo, Cha Cha Cha, Rock n Roll, Disco, Salsa, Soul, Funk, Rhythm n Blues, Hip Hop and Bebop to make it so, that if we wanted to, we could just "PUT BACK ALL THE GOOD TIMES that we ever had. And even make them better, with just a little bit of Razzamatazz." And Grandma Nanny in the back like the sound of that. Because Cab Calloway (Sigh "My my, my...he was so fine!") had already taught her everything that she ever needed to know about Razzmatazz. ("Now, that man had Razzmatazz!") And toes would start tappin' and fingers would start snappin' and healing would start happenin' ...

...until Momma had to get on back out there on the battlefield...

And soldier on in the bitter, grinding, never-ending war with and for, that damn hydra-headed beast

The United States of America

Every Monday morning.

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You know? Maybe I am finally beginning to understand that when you have to wrestle daily with this monster named America, spiritual care, energy work and every other kind of hoodoo, conjure and new age metaphysical magic, is absolutely necessary. I guess my hard-as-rock know-it-all noggin done finally got soft enough to comprehend what she was desperately trying to find in all those Black Hebrew meetings, spiritual seminars, New Age book stores, video tapes and libraries. When you are wrestling daily with this monster they call America you got to find a way keep your spirit from dying or you end up homeless, alone, balled-up in the freezing closet of an abandoned house in East Atlanta, desperately trying to make it to your next drink or hit while your toes rot from gangrene and frostbite in your boots... just like me.

See. You/me/we, if we hope to survive our daily encounters with this Kraken called America, have to find ways to keep our souls and spirits alive or we perish or worse still, as I sadly discovered, become that feared and hated ghoul, what the descendents of enslaved Africans known today as Haitians called a Zombie. A tragic and frightful casualty of the ongoing struggle to survive as the descendents of enslaved Africans in the Americas. So, I guess I am just now beginning to understand and publicly recognize what Momma'nem, the original American badass mutha(shut to mouth) superpeople achieved - they survived, defeated and finally emerge triumphant - body mind and spirit intact, alive and free. I think I am just beginning to rekonize!

So I guess I can't be mad as hell, it only took them 57,877 days since the Emancipation Proclamation was decreed on January 1st 1863 to get around to officially recognizing our magnificent foremothers' and forefathers! But we here now. And I sho nuff appreciate that 'ol man Biden found the strength to lift a pen. I'm excited! Maybe in just about another 57,000 days they'll get around to sending us that 40 acres and a mule they promised.

See. Now I know I'm tired.

Be well Brothers and Sisters! Be hale and healthy and whole. Free in Black Mind Body and Soul! Tonight, in this not yet perfect freedom we are blessed by our divine ancestors and The Most High to enjoy, may we feel their unceasing care and love, and know each of us in our own hearts that we are their wildest and most cherished dreams realized and made real.

May all your Juneteenths be blessed and joyful and free!!!

- rp

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Sleep in peace when day is done: that's what I mean

Stars when you shine, you know how I feel

Oh, freedom is mine, and I know how I feel

It's a new dawn. It's a new life for me. And I'm feeling good.

From Feeling Good by Nina Simone

[recoverymatters]

I'm really sensetive lately, I'm getting treatment for anxiety and depression. I had a "fight" with my mom and sister and I haven't been able to eat a proper meal for almost two weeks now. Like I'll make one pack of insta noodles a day. I feel like I'm gonna trow up if I try to eat more. I've worked so hard on my weight it's so stressful and painful seeing myself loose it all again I don't know what to do. Are there anu tricks to get my appetite back? ❤️

Hi lovely,

That’s great you’re getting treatment for anxiety and depression. I hope it is helping you get the support you deserve and need. 

Sorry you’ve had a fight with your mom and sister. These things happen, please don’t blame yourself. I hope it is more settled now. 

Not eating properly for that amount of time is very dangerous darling. Your body needs much more energy than just one packet of noodles a day, You’ve actually done very well considering you haven't got an appetite at the moment. Well done on working on your weight, you’ve clearly come so far and I’m very proud of you. 

Tips to get your appetite back:

 1. Drink water - If you’re struggling to eat, make sure you drink water to prevent dehydration. Drinking water can also in some cases help to slowly bring your appetite back up. Also, adding fruit juice, squash or slices of lemon/cucumber to your water can also add a zing to your taste buds which can, in turn, increase your appetite. 

2. Choose higher calorie foods - So, because you haven't been eating a lot, your body isn't getting enough calories in. If you are unable to eat big meals to get your calories up, then choose higher calorie foods and eat little and often. For example, full-fat milk, yoghurts, dried fruit etc.

3. Take small walks - Sometimes when we move our bodies a bit more it can increase our appetite - however, please do not do this if you feel dizzy, dehydrated, weak or if it will increase your chance of ED thoughts. 

4. Seek medical help - Depression and anxiety can decrease your appetite, so, whoever you are seeking support from or getting treatment from - let them know that your appetite has been really low and you haven't been eating - they may be able to help you with this.  

5. Self-care - Stress, like you have experienced from this fight can also decrease your appetite - so reducing your stress is paramount. Take a bubble bath, read a book, colour, watch a movie, sing and dance in your bedroom, paint, meditation, yoga etc - If you try your best to do some acts of self-care you may just find that your stress reduces and your appetite may come back.

6. Chewing gum - So, this may not work for everyone. However, chewing gum can help your saliva glands and stomach think that food is coming - hence, it can increase your appetite. 

Please remember how far you have come and that fights happen and the stress you’re experiencing will pass. 

Seek emergency medical attention if you start to feel weak, dizzy or faint. 

Please try and eat little and often. You need food and hopefully, in a few days, you will notice your appetite again. 

Keep going you have done amazingly so far. Stick with the treatment for your anxiety and depression. You can do it 💖

Thanks 

RecoveryMatters

[graysonfirewolf85-blog]

Suicide and Witchcraft

The one question everyone has asked without exception, that they ache to have answered more than any other, is simply: why? Why did their friend, child, parent, spouse, or sibling take their own life? Even when a note explaining the reasons is found, lingering questions usually remain: yes, they felt enough despair to want to die, but why did they feel that? A person's suicide often takes the people it leaves behind by surprise (only accentuating survivor's guilt for failing to see it coming).

People who've survived suicide attempts have reported wanting not so much to die as to stop living, a strange dichotomy but a valid one nevertheless. If some in-between state existed, some other alternative to death, I suspect many suicidal people would take it.

In general, people try to kill themselves for six reasons:

1) They're depressed. This is without question the most common reason people commit suicide. Severe depression is always accompanied by a pervasive sense of suffering as well as the belief that escape from it is hopeless. The pain of existence often becomes too much for severely depressed people to bear. The state of depression warps their thinking, allowing ideas like "Everyone would all be better off without me" to make rational sense. They shouldn't be blamed for falling prey to such distorted thoughts any more than a heart patient should be blamed for experiencing chest pain: it's simply the nature of their disease. Because depression, as we all know, is almost always treatable, we should all seek to recognize its presence in our close friends and loved ones. Often people suffer with it silently, planning suicide without anyone ever knowing. Despite making both parties uncomfortable, inquiring directly about suicidal thoughts in my experience almost always yields an honest response. If you suspect someone might be depressed, don't allow your tendency to deny the possibility of suicidal ideation prevent you from asking about it.

2) They're psychotic. Malevolent inner voices often command self-destruction for unintelligible reasons. Psychosis is much harder to mask than depression, and is arguably even more tragic. The worldwide incidence of schizophrenia is 1% and often strikes otherwise healthy, high-performing individuals, whose lives, though manageable with medication, never fulfill their original promise. Schizophrenics are just as likely to talk freely about the voices commanding them to kill themselves as not, and also, in my experience, give honest answers about thoughts of suicide when asked directly. Psychosis, too, is treatable, and usually must be treated for a schizophrenic to be able to function at all. Untreated or poorly treated psychosis almost always requires hospital admission to a locked ward until the voices lose their commanding power.

3) They're impulsive. Often related to drugs and alcohol, some people become maudlin and impulsively attempt to end their own lives. Once sobered and calmed, these people usually feel emphatically ashamed. The remorse is often genuine, but whether or not they'll ever attempt suicide again is unpredictable. They may try it again the very next time they become drunk or high, or never again in their lifetime. Hospital admission is therefore not usually indicated. Substance abuse and the underlying reasons for it are generally a greater concern in these people and should be addressed as aggressively as possible.

4) They're crying out for help, and don't know how else to get it. These people don't usually want to die but do want to alert those around them that something is seriously wrong. They often don't believe they will die, frequently choosing methods they don't think can kill them in order to strike out at someone who's hurt them, but they are sometimes tragically misinformed. The prototypical example of this is a young teenage girl suffering genuine angst because of a relationship, either with a friend, boyfriend, or parent, who swallows a bottle of Tylenol, not realizing that in high enough doses Tylenol causes irreversible liver damage. I've watched more than one teenager die a horrible death in an ICU days after such an ingestion when remorse has already cured them of their desire to die and their true goal of alerting those close to them of their distress has been achieved.

5) They have a philosophical desire to die. The decision to commit suicide for some is based on a reasoned decision, often motivated by the presence of a painful terminal illness from which little to no hope of reprieve exists. These people aren't depressed, psychotic, maudlin, or crying out for help. They're trying to take control of their destiny and alleviate their own suffering, which usually can only be done in death. They often look at their choice to commit suicide as a way to shorten a dying that will happen regardless. In my personal view, if such people are evaluated by a qualified professional who can reliably exclude the other possibilities for why suicide is desired, these people should be allowed to die at their own hands.

6) They've made a mistake. This is a recent, tragic phenomenon in which typically young people flirt with oxygen deprivation for the high it brings and simply go too far. The only defense against this, it seems to me, is education.

The wounds suicide leaves in the lives of those left behind by it are often deep and long lasting. The apparent senselessness of suicide often fuels the most significant pain. Thinking we all deal better with tragedy when we understand its underpinnings, I've offered the preceding paragraphs in hopes that anyone reading this who's been left behind by a suicide might be able to more easily find a way to move on, to relinquish their guilt and anger, and find closure. Despite the abrupt way you may have been left, guilt and anger don't have to be the only two emotions you're doomed to feel about the one who left you

Powerless

So you feel powerless? You feel like you don't know what to do and think you're a failure as a witch. How do we use magick which requires our full sensibilities, willpower, emotional functions such as love, passion, and desire if they are dulled by medication? That is a good question. Is crossed my mind quite a bit. Our Magick is definitely affected.

"Witchcraft is the craft of the wise. Wise people don’t become wise simply because they have acquired some knowledge. They become wise because their knowledge is enhanced through experience. Strong Healers were often inspired through needing healing in the first place. Through our own healing, we can be inspired to heal and without the experience of being a patient we can not fully understand how to healing process can work."

The Pretty Pill

"Drugs often interfere with real magick. The nature of how anti-depressants work is in how they “dull the senses”. It changes the chemical balance in the brain to enhance the mood which often takes away emotional aspects of what we draw from when creating and manifesting from desire. But… So does depression… There are many physical causes of depression that can be managed through other forms of treatments and yes, many of them are holistic. If someone is suicidal or dealing with depression, should they NOT take their anti-depressants? I am not saying that at all. For many, anti-depressants are necessary at least for a while. I am saying there may be another solution to look into as part of the long-term treatment plan."

have too agree with the above from Summer in her article in Witch Digest. Drugs for depression are designed to dull the senses. It's also a teeter-totter in the sense that some cases require the use of anti-depressants. YET, again, not all drugs are designed to dull the senses and sometimes the drugs don't even work

6 Ways to Improve

Balance and Grounding

The mind, body, and spirit work together. When one part is out of balance, it can throw the other parts of us out of whack. That is the theory of finding balance. The art of trying to keep all three aspects in balance at the same time. I believe it takes a lifetime to master and I don’t believe it is actually 100% mastered even by the masters. That is how grounding helps us regain our balance.

Diet

Sometimes the food we eat doesn’t work well with our bodies and throws off the balance of our overall well-being. Finding a diet that works for us through a process of elimination and cleansing to help us feel our best can have positive effects but it may not be the end all solution. That also may include a dietary supplement. Care must be taken when changing one’s diet or adding a supplement. A good example is St. John’s Wort because it is known for being a mood enhancer. The biggest problem with St. John’s Wort is for those with Bipolar it can make things worse and increase the cycling effects of the disease. Not to mention how it works is by changing the levels of serotonin, a chemical in the brain, and so does anti-depressants and the combinations can be dangerous and even life-threatening.

Exercise

Adding exercise to one’s lifestyle can have many health benefits. Exercise is known to increase endorphins that can have a mood enhancing effect. But, we have to be careful not injure ourselves and care must be taken. Exercises that get our bodies in motion are great. I enjoy a dance night where I get up and dance in my living room and have a blast being silly or going for a scenic walk around my neighborhood when safety permits or even walking in the local mall. Chi gong, Tai Chi and even Yoga is said to have positive effects on mood and energy.

Holistic energy healing

Holistic healing techniques such as Reiki for some can make a huge difference as part of the whole healing and recovery process.

Meditation

This can help us regulate our balance and grounding through trying various techniques. These techniques can be found through counseling, learning through teachers or masters and even through internet searches.

Counseling

Most of all, counseling if done with the correct mindset can also add to recovery in the healing process. I have seen people go through years of psychotherapy and never recover and I have seen someone go through just a few sessions or a few years of therapy and do more healing than ever expected. Finding the right type and quality of counselor is necessary. Remembering that a counselor can only guide you on your healing path and the healing process is up to you is a key factor in benefiting from counseling.

Permanently Medicated

If one is permanently medicated or even temporarily, How can a Witch work magick while medicated? Well, there is a way. You have to work around the constraints and only you, the magickal practitioner can discover what that is for yourself. Knowing how your illness works on your overall health, which contains all three of the mind, body, and spirit and how the treatments affect your overall health is a good place to start.

Trial and error is often the only way to figure out which options work best for you.

Conclusion

Healing one aspect of our whole being requires the complimentary healing of each of our three parts; Mind, body, and spirit. At least that is what I believe. For some, medication can actually enhance their well-being and therefore increases their magickal abilities.

[Source 1|https://witchdigest.com/25707/can-depression-affect-my-magick/]

[Source 2|https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml]

[Source 3|https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/happiness-in-world/201004/the-six-reasons-people-attempt-suicide%3famp]