#I've seen. I've processed. I'm now prepared to reblog.

[theinternetisfulloftrash]

Pspspspspsps new Dylan content

I've been summoned. The Dylgenerate bat signal is lit.

[silenzahra]

The content that I'm bringing next ✨

I thought I could give you a hint of the content I'm preparing in order to bring it during this week and next month! I'm taking my time to create it all, so that's why it's not gonna be posted right away, but I hope you'll like to read everything as I share it! 💖

I'll start with some regular posts and then I'll focus on my writing 🥰

-Get to know me. I mentioned a while back that I thought it'd be fine to share a little bit of myself with you so you can get to know me a bit better, and I'm currently working on this one and trying to think of as many things as possible so as to make it, you know... interesting? 😅 I don't really know how to describe it, but in any case, it's in the works!

-A masterpost. Just like the first one, I also mentioned that I'd like to create one at last, as I've posted a few stories and two headcanon posts already, and I want you guys to find them as easily as possible whenever you'd like to. This is gonna take a bit longer, because Tumblr's search tool doesn't work very well 😬 But I'll manage! 💪

-My pending asks. This is a bit embarrassing... I've had some asks waiting for a reply for months now and I'm so sorry that I've kept you waiting for so long 😅 Here's a promise: as soon as I've posted at least one of my pending fics (more about this below), I'll start gradually and slowly answering all the asks that I have left. I wanna give each and every one of you the proper replies you deserve, which is why I warned that I'd take some time, but that's one thing. Taking forever is very different and I'm truly so sorry 😅

-May and June calendars. Don't know if you've seen some of my calendar posts, but I happen to have two Nintendo calendars for this year and I've been showing them since January (here's the February one since I can't find the others lol), but sometimes I simply forget to share the one for the new month and it gets delayed... Shame on me again 😅 I intend to show May this week since it's technically still May, and I'll make sure to not let many days of June pass before I show the ones corresponding to that month 🥰

-Tons of reblogs! I've already started doing this actually, as I've been tagged in a lot of amazing content, and even if I'm slow, I wanna see everything and leave proper feedback when I have the chance 🥰 Thank you again to those of you who tagged me! And for your patience as well 🫂💖💖

And now... let's talk about...

✨📝 MY WRITING 📝✨

-My Kitsune/Tanooki story. This one is coming soon, and when I say soon, I mean this week! 😁 I would've liked to post it mid May, but life wouldn't let me, but hey, better late than never! 🥰 I'm now in the process of editing and I intend to start translating tomorrow, and that usually doesn't take long, so you can expect this one at the end of the week 👀 Hope you'll like it! 💖

-Anything for him: Chapter 3. As I've mentioned a few times, this last chapter is long overdue and I'm ashamed that I'm taking SO long to finish it as I know very well what's going to happen! 😅 Still, once my Kitsune/Tanooki fic is up, this is the next thing I intend to fully work on, and even though I'm not sure to give a specific date, I would like to post it in June at last. Wish me luck in achieving this! 🤞🤞🤞

-Post-nightmare cuddles fic. Okay, it's been a few months already, but... anyone remember this writing prompt? I happened to receive a couple of suggestions in my inbox, and even though I wrote and posted the first one back in March, I wasn't able to finish the second one as I wasn't in the mood for angst when I first tried. But that's changed! 🤩 I'm CRAVING to write some angst, so this is gonna be the third thing on my writing list, and, again, I'd like to post it in June. I'll let you know if I succeed! 🤞🤞🤞

Also, if you're curious, you can read the other prompt here 👇

-And last but not least... did anyone say...

... an AU? 🤔

Yyyyyyes! That's right! 😁 I've recently started working on my very first AU and I am SO happy 🤩 I'm really SO excited about this one! I don't know yet how long it'll take until I'm ready to start posting it, but this is the thing that I mentioned yesterday that I keep getting new ideas for almost every single day 🤩

I'm not gonna say yet what it's based on, as I want it to be a surprise when I finally start sharing it with you guys, but it contains EVERYTHING that I love and that many of you love as well, so... I believe you'll like this one when it's ready 🤭 Maybe when I work a bit more on it and see a release date coming closer I'll go and tell you what it's about, but for now... I'll just keep working on it and enjoying every single word that I'm writing 😁

I really hope you'll like all of this once I start sharing it! As you see, I'm a big fan of making lists 😂 That's the way I usually organize everything that I have to do every day and such, and I thought that maybe sharing this, I'll have it a bit easier to focus and really bring all of it to this blog, even if I'm slow. Still, just know that I'm truly enjoying the process of creating not only the written fics (and the AU 🤭), but also the posts that I wanna bring soon 🥰

If you read everything, thank you! I know I tend to talk a lot lol, so I really appreciate it! Love you so much! 💖💖💖

[youreallyshouldtalkmore]

Dark Imagination_ Part 9

A.N: 👻Happy Halloween!!! I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable one! 🎃🕯️

Thank you so much for all the likes, reblogs, comments, etc!! I appericate it!! I'm glad that you all are liking the story!

Genshin Impact MasterList

-------------------

You could totally see a pattern as four days after Neuvillette had taken your blood that you walked into the kitchen to see Alhaitham sitting and reading.

“Good Evening, Y/N”, He spoke as you entered, without looking up from his book. 

“Good Evening, Alhaitham. It's been quite some time since I've seen you.” you remarked.  

“Indeed, but it was necessary.” 

You bobbed your head as you made your way around the kitchen to fix your dinner. A companionable silence descended in the time it took you to prepare your food and sit down across from him. When you looked up from your plate at one point, you saw that Alhaitham had, at some point, closed his book and was watching you. You didn’t even hear him stir, nor the book closing. 

You had gotten used to him watching you, even if you still were a bit self-conscious about it. 

He rarely said much and had no shame in watching. Usually the one caught would act like they weren't but not Alhaitham, he just forked an eyebrow. 

“Want some?” You offered. 

“If I did, I would have mentioned it before now.” 

“Interesting that vampires here can eat human food, even though it doesn't sustain them.” 

“Sometimes, humans can cook a good tasting meal. I'm quite fond of Sabz Meat Stew, if they spice it correctly.”  

“Not sure if I've heard of it. You'll have to tell me how to make it so I can try sometime.” 

“I'll get you the recipe then.” 

Silence descended as you finished and washed your dish. They did offer you more servants, but you were used to doing things on your own, so you turned it down. Well, at least you didn't have to clean this house. Although, this wasn't a house so much as a mansion. That you'd had no problem, leaving to the servants. 

Without another word, you exited the kitchen, well aware that Alhaitham was trailing behind you. It wasn't the first time that he wordlessly followed you. 

However, this time, he did something that took you entirely by surprise. 

You paused when you felt his hand on your arm and looked up at him. In the darken hallway, his green and red eyes glowed. 

He turned you, and before you knew it, your back was pressed against the wall as he leaned over you, arms on either side of your head. You gazed up at him. 

“Your blood is distracting….”

You forked an eyebrow, “My….apologies?” 

He picked his arm off the wall and ran a nail down the length of your neck, making you shiver.  He continued down your arm before interlocking your fingers with his.  He repeated the process with his other hand. When both your hands were interlocked, he brought them up, trapping the back of your hands against the wall. 

He leaned closer to you, “You mistake me. Wasn't asking for an apology… Are you willing to give me a taste of your blood?”

Your mouth went dry and you could only nod. He released your hands, so that one arm could snake around your waist as the other tilted your chin. 

You rested your hands on his biceps as he lowered his lips to your neck. His tongue darted out, once, twice before he bit down. 

You winced, arching into him, even as you leaned your head back to further give him access. You shuddered when he pulled back, feeling the only thing holding you up was his encircled arms. 

Then he had picked you up bridal style. You looked up at him as he gazed down at you. 

“You okay?” 

You nodded. 

Wordlessly, he continued down the hall. 

“My thanks”, he added. 

You only smiled as you duck your head, “You are welcome.” 

When he entered the library, you could see a small plate of food and drink, already waiting for you. 

You smiled. 

Part 10

[will-o-wips]

It is 4 am. I'm staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, coincidentally having my phone right in my line of sight, and write this with the exasperation and intense focus that I probably won't ever have again. I'm about to attempt to make any sort of sense of the latest Hayao Miyazaki movie, The Boy and the Heron (or rather, How do you live? in Japanese), that I watched for the first time in theatres a day ago.

I cannot claim to be right, or to know everything about this movie. Actually acclaimed critics and people with obviously more braincells than me have probably better takes than I do. But I must speak, lest the insanity truly take over my brain, lest I really end up combusting because of how much I want to talk about this.

Prepare yourselves for the most incoherent train of thought and line of consciousness you will ever experience.

FILLED WITH SPOILERS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND UNLESS YOU HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE.

Before I start with my actual thoughts, however, I'll state my personal feelings about the movie, because I feel that matters too, and this is my post anyway so! But I personally left the cinema feeling somewhat mellow. I was not insane about it yet. It was,,, "meh". The impression of the ride was great; I was giggling along with the funny and even sometimes not purposefully funny moments, I enjoyed the animation to the point I would genuinely flap my hands in excitement at how good it was, I understood the story in great lines by noticing small details and going "oh so does this mean x?". But I did not cry. Not a single tear during or after or before the movie. I did not waver with my opinion on it as I rambled about it to my friends online and irl, much to their annoyance. I did not hesitate when I put it in my silly little Studio Ghibli movie tierlist maker that I update whenever I watch another one of these films together with my friends, categorized (in)discreetly under "all vibes no plot but there's a witch/wizard". I still don't, in fact.

So, given all of this, you'd probably say that I disliked the movie. That I would not have so much to say about it, after doing my mandatory ramble and update. Wrong. I still have more to say, somehow.

Despite that, I didn't rewatch the movie itself. I read an entirety of one (1) review of it, together with one (1) random video essay of 8 or so minutes, covering the basics of it. I reblogged one (1) post about its protagonist on tumblr and otherwise kinda read through the rest of the posts on here. I did not re-experience or re-examine this movie again. I cannot (again) accurately reference anything besides that what I vaguely remember from watching it a day or two ago. It's not playing anywhere near me anymore/not out anywhere else yet, so really, I don't even know what possessed me to write about this, or even say anything. The most fascinating thing (to probably all of us here) is; what made me change my mind about it?

It might've been the review on IndieWire. David Ehrlich and his well-written review, bringing things into much needed context as to why this movie was created. It could've been the fact that I've actively processed the movie better, now a little bit of time has passed. [Honestly it deserves a second watch/view for something more concrete, but I'm repeating myself with this, you get it.]

But I don't even really understand it myself. I felt and still feel so detached from this movie in a sense. I appreciate the artistry that went into it, and I adore the way it simply tells the story and leaves it up to interpretation. It references every single film Hayao Miyazaki has ever made before, and elements of other Ghibli films can probably be found in there too, if you looked hard enough. The vibes were similar to those of Spirited Away, and Howl's Moving Castle, given how inexplicably fantastical the world was. It just existed and breathed, and we as the audience jumped straight into it. We never got more exposition than what was needed; honestly I have a feeling that the second half of the movie was the vaguest piece of media I have ever consumed in my life. But it also had this perfect balance of the more drama-focused Ghibli films. The Boy and the Heron, in my opinion, is like the golden middle between reality and fantasy, both in terms of its narrative as well as comparison between other Ghibli movies.

This might also be the reason why I felt confused. The lines between reality and fantasy were so effortlessly blurred, that you could only process a singular picture. And when things are vague to me, I constantly need to pick them apart and analyse them, simply to satisfy my own curiosity.

The moment before I stepped into the movie theatre, my friend who watched along with me told me they heard it was a film about grief. I nodded along and said "yeah, okay, that just means it's another one of many Hayao Miyazaki and Ghibli films. Most of them are about some kind of loss, and dealing with it, either way." I sat down together with them; row 9, chairs 17 and 18, with my two bottles of water (one carbonated, one stilled) and the bag of terribly sour packaged chocolate pretzels I bought at the theatre itself. Horribly overpriced for the quality, I must say. My friend held onto the popcorn, and we sat through the ads, talking and laughing, anticipating something that was supposed to blow us away.

I cannot speak for my friend, but I think they really liked the movie regardless. They didn't cry at it either, even though we both know of each other that we always cry at such things. Somehow this movie evoked a certain stillness in us both; a stalemate between emotions and confusion. Maybe delayed processing. Maybe something else entirely. We both, or at least I, hid it until later.

It was midnight, and right before we stepped on our train home, I was excitedly going on about the references and animation, the things I did appreciate. I bragged a bit about how I recognized Kenshi Yonezu's voice in the final credit song that we didn't get to listen to entirely, because it was so late and we had to rush to get home. They laughed at me and told me to take some time to actively formulate any coherent thoughts on it. I disagreed (lovingly and jokingly of course), and we left it at that.

In the train itself, the same high dimmed into a simmer, the excitement replaced with contemplation, and I kept talking.

I told them: "I believe that this truly is his last film. This felt like a goodbye." And in return, they replied: "It's crazy how this is the last time we'll ever get to live in such a moment. The release of the final Ghibli movie in theatres.

"I'm glad we got to go."

I was too.

I got home, rambled about the intrinsic way The Boy and the Heron referenced other Ghibli movies to my online friends who had yet to see it. Followed by a heated tangent about how When Marnie Was There truly could have had better direction in regards to the narrative, as well as how Only Yesterday was the most boring out of all Ghibli movies. It was a nice night. I didn't think about the movie again.

The following morning, I contacted other friends, who told me about how Robert Pattison voiced the Heron in the English dub, which I hadn't seen or heard at all. He did a great job, judging by the trailer. This led me to another opinion, namely the video essay (I will try to find it and put it in the notes later if you are curious), which claimed something similar to this (of course, paraphrased):

"This is a farewell. The one true movie to tie such an expansive career. It is another movie where you are allowed to explore the magical together with the main character, while sticking close to the processing of it all."

The review I read said it was a swan-song, that it was the question and title of the movie in Japanese, posed at us, after The Wind Rises left it open to interpretation at the end of its run. That this was a story about the legacy that Miyazaki is leaving behind, how reality and fantasy coexist together, possibly influencing each other (not explicitly said but what I interpreted that review saying, so no this is also not completely like this).

Other tumblr posts I've seen on here say it was a film most likely dedicated to his son, Goro Miyazaki. That it was a gentle "I'm sorry, the shadow I leave behind is huge. I know that you will try and fail to fill it. It's okay; you don't have to. You can leave it behind. It's alright if this legacy dies with me."

Some other sources I've seen compare the main protagonist to Miyazaki himself, trying to grapple with the ending.

Yet somehow, all of these interpretations seem to fail to explain the entirety of this movie. The bigger picture if you will. These themes and moments and interpretations are not wrong, but to me, they're not satisfying enough.

Because maybe I am the only one who actually was insane about this moment, but I will never forget the delivery room scene between Mahito and Natsuko. How Himi addresses the magic stone, pleading to let the two go, saying "Natsuko and the boy who is to be her son". (Again, paraphrased, I cannot remember the exact line.) Maybe I am the only one who witnessed the whimsical fire witch and the going back in time plots and the fact that a younger Kiriko and Himi were there, already part of an ecosystem. How we already know from the other grannies in the house that Mahito's mother disappeared once for a whole year into the tower, and then came back the same as before. How the pelicans were BROUGHT there, that they did not belong there, and yet were forgetting how to fly. How they ate the Warawara, these creatures that were rising above to be born in the upper world. How the Heron's weakness was his 7th tail feather (or something along those lines), and how the fish and the frogs chanted for Mahito to join them in the tower. That the great-great-uncle was hoping for Mahito to succeed him and build a new tower, yet the king of the parakeets butted in and haphazardly did the job, resulting in it immediately toppling over, as well as the stones getting cut.

I think about the final scene where the Heron says "It's best to forget. Do you have any keepsakes?" And Mahito shows not only older Kiriko's figure, but also a piece of the stone paths they walked upon in order to get to the centre, the beating heart, the magic stone and his great-great-uncle.

How this is taking place during a war, that the timeline goes from his mothers death that Mahito cannot get over, to the welcoming of his stepmother and his new younger sibling. Them moving back to Tokyo. The way the tower completely collapsed. Completely and utterly collapsed and perished; not even a trace of it left behind. The way that older Kiriko keeps yelling it is a trap to Mahito in the beginning, but that both he and the Heron know. That it is inevitable to tread this specific path. That he must see for himself, whether his mother is truly alive. The way she both was and wasn't; first a mirage of her older self disappearing into a puddle of water, and second a firey spirit of her younger self coming to help Mahito. The way that he reads and cries at the book she left him, the way he hits himself with a rock after his big fight with his classmates; the way Mahito in general drowns consistently in the beginning of the film. He drowns in the fire that he lost his mother in. He drowns in the mud and the dust when he tries to enter the tower at first. He drowns in his dreams, in his tears, drowns right into his quest to find Natsuko (straight through the floor, by behest of his great-great-uncle), drowns in pelicans trying to eat him, nearly drowns in the actual sea until younger Kiriko fishes him out.

Now these things may seem like me just randomly naming shit that happens in the movie. Hopefully in a slightly poetic way, possibly. I could go on and on about the imagery, truly. But my point is, this movie may have been Miyazaki's last movie, his way of closure, his way of speaking to his son about his legacy, his way of describing the grief of losing his mother (idk if this is autobiographical or not. It very well may have been), yet...

Even so, it doesn't really fit the entire picture. It feels incomplete. The analyses always focus on the true meaning behind this movie, what happens behind the scenes, this one key climactic moment between Mahito and his great-great-uncle. But that's as if you would ignore the rest of the movie in general. As if the fantastical aspects weren't there to abstractly tell a story besides just being a symbol of closure for the person that directed it.

Personally, this is a tale of rebirth. Of losing yourself, and then rediscovering yourself in a way. I associate it with my own personal loss of my grandfather; the family member I felt closest to out of everyone.

The way you look back at such a traumatic stage in your life, something that irrevocably changed you for good, something that you probably don't ever want to relive again, but also mustn't forget. The way you instinctively are afraid to learn about who the person you love and grieve was, before you were in their life.

To this day, I still cannot speak to my mother about whether my grandfather had a favourite song before me forcing him to sing along with my favourites. A favourite book before he read out bedtime stories to me tirelessly. Who the boy in him was, and what wisdom and life lessons he carried on, into his grave, into the hearts of his children.

This movie depicts so much more than just grief, it's so much more than just legacy, even. It directly reflects the way I know I would have felt had I dared to actually see things for myself. If I actually dared to go through my grandfather's old things; the books he wrote and dedicated to me, the books he read when he was young. This movie depicts not how to live, but how to live on.

And the only way to live on is to move forward. To look at the foundations upon which it was built, to evaluate whether you truly want to have this be your burden to carry for the rest of your life. Mahito's abstract grief in regards to his mother, and the solace he finds in the fact that he at least knew who she was; that he at least had her in his life as both his mother and the girl that his stepmother knew, that at the very least he knows his mother would do it all over again, if she could. That despite everything, she did not regret a thing, and that she was not afraid. That somewhere, in the past, she lives on, happily marching toward this fate, because she knows that Mahito will be there to meet her again in the future.

And Natsuko, god, she worries relentlessly about whether Mahito will accept her. She worries to the point she yells at him, telling him that she hates him and his existence, because he rejects her so coldly and yet still bothers to show up in front of her during her most vulnerable moments. That he only takes and takes and takes; he steals her cigarettes in order to learn how to sharpen a knife from one of the servants. He uses those techniques to create a bow and arrow, a weapon. He gets into fights at school, he gets gravely injured on the side of his head, leaving a lasting scar.

If I were in her shoes, I would be furious at him too. Especially if he walked straight into the delivery room, trying to drag me out of bed while I was doing my damn best to keep the other child in my belly alive.

That scene, that sheer rage, and the way it ALL FUCKING SUBSIDES the MOMENT Mahito accepts her and calls her mother. The moment Mahito understands that through the literal whirlwind of plasters, things used to tend to wounds, none of those pleasantries/guards will truly allow him to reach her. The way he tries to nurse his own wounds, as well as try to nurse hers, over the loss of their shared connection (Natsuko's older sister, Mahito's biological mother), will NEVER allow him to make a connection with her. By being careful, by being polite, he will never get to be her son.

And he realizes, in that moment, that he wants to.

The magic stone tries to stop this. The magic stone dislikes disruption; dislikes things changing, dislikes breaking traditions (the taboo of entering the delivery room). The parakeets in the tower flourish because they follow the magic stone's whims more or less. They agree to follow its rules, even if it means they are prone to its abuse, because it gives them an advantage, a place to stay. The pelicans have to eat the Warawara, because there is no other food available to them.

The way younger Kiriko says "you reek of death", and how they establish this place is mostly made up of death and dead people. Dead people, or dying people, creatures that are begging to survive another day. Creatures that are begging to be reborn. That want to change, that wish to fly once more.

My mother once gave me a poem dearest to her heart. We have always been a family filled with literature and stories, but my mother was always the best at both writing them and reciting them. She used to read them out to me, back when I was in a particularly bad spot mentally, to the point I could not get out of bed for weeks on end, to try and reach me. She read with the sincerest passion in her voice, a small plea to get me back to the girl I was before.

I cannot explain or remember the poem by heart, but once I was at my true rock bottom, she told me to look it up. A Serbian poem, written by Miroslav Antić (I will add the name of it later), that was about growing up and growing into your own person. It made me weep, for it had a phrase I think I can only translate to this:

"Run and don't look back."

Somehow, whenever I look at all of these birds and creatures in this fantasy world, trying to fly desperately, trying to get to the skies, trying to get to even live, and think about the fact that the only way they can is by leaving this place. That the only way they can fly and survive as themselves is by leaving this tower, this stone, this foundation. By leaving and being born, by leaving and being reborn.

And, after all of this. Somehow I'm not even done yet. I haven't talked about the great-great-uncle in depth, nor the king of the parakeets, nor the heron whatsoever. I have not yet even touched upon what I might think the magic stone is, and the sheer amount of like symbolism I picked apart in my brain because of my insanity.

I'm probably not the only one who noticed these things. But so far I haven't seen anyone actively share these things, so, I will do my best to continue and genuinely wrap it up as best as I can. So that this can also bring the same amount of closure as the movie does.

The magic stone is like a shooting star that came onto the earth. It realizes dreams and worlds of whoever dares to walk into it and claim to own it; like how Mahito's great-great-uncle got obsessed and built a tower around it, caging it, taming it. And yet he still had to play to its whims, consistently making sure his own tower of blocks did not fall, that all of his work did not amount to nothing. Personally, I do believe the great-great-uncle could represent Miyazaki himself. That Miyazaki is trying to express how he built Ghibli and that now it has been going on for so long, and it has become unmanageable to continue upholding it. That it is time to retire.

A thing I find interesting and remember pretty well is the conversation between the parakeet king and the great-great-uncle. How they talked about Mahito's transgression, breaking into the delivery room (side note: he broke in and broke through to Natsuko with his mother's spirit. Mahito became Natsuko's son with the blessing of his mother; with the sheer love she had for him being carried on and through), and how the great-great-uncle says something akin to this:

"It is why I wish for him [Mahito] to succeed me."

"I cannot overlook such a transgression."

I feel this is important. It is key to how the great-great-uncle views Mahito in this. Because Mahito was not sent out on this quest to find Natsuko out of pure selfishness. Sure, his uncle would have wanted him to succeed him, but the entire reason WHY he believed in Mahito to begin with, is the fact that this boy was able to break the foundation and the traditions in the first place. Mahito inherently disobeys from the chosen path. Mahito inherently does not believe the Heron when he says that all herons lie. Mahito doesn't waver when the heron flies straight at him, he doesn't sway when the frogs or the pelicans overwhelm him. Mahito stands firm in who he is, even if he is trying to deal with new circumstances. Mahito inherently goes to places he should not be in (his curiosity for the tower). Mahito has enough power on his own to create a new tower, but only by rebuilding it from scratch.

This ready acceptance that the great-great-uncle has towards Mahito's decision NOT to inherit his legacy, is what makes me believe this is what this movie is supposed to represent. Break away from the old, off into the new. Closure. Moving on.

This is also reflected in the sentiment that Mahito truly DOES move on. He goes back to his family, his father, school, he goes back with Natsuko as his mother and a new younger sibling to Tokyo. He returns there where he came from, but he is not the same anymore. He is reborn into a new Mahito.

And god I feel like I'm repeating myself to death here; I really should have thought about the structure of this, but give me some slack okay. It's like 6:30 am already and I'm still not done, despite continuously writing and labouring at this.

So, the tower that immediately falls apart by someone who always follows the whims of a dream (the parakeet king and the stone respectively). God it is just such a momentTM. Because in the end even this shows that the parakeets, too, even though they by far had it the best in that goddamn tower, had to leave. For they could not build something on their own without learning who they were outside of the already established. Outside of just following the rules and all.

They had to leave, my GODDDDD.

As I'm getting progressively more unhinged, we shall move onto the most unhinged character in this entire fucking movie. The Heron himself. God there's too much to unpack here, really, but the truth is, the Heron was supposed to be the guide to Mahito. The Heron was supposed to be Mahito's biggest, most aggressive enemy, the direct antagonist to Mahito's protagonist. The Heron doesn't want change. The Heron tries to bribe Mahito with the fact that his mother is still alive, that he need only enter the tower, and lose himself to illusions and dreams. That fantasizing about his mother being alive won't only drown him more, that it won't just let Mahito sink into the deepest pits of his despair and anguish about such a death, that losing yourself to the belief that something is there when it is not wouldn't only be counterproductive. The Heron masks himself consistently; he says that all herons lie. He says that he only has one weakness, his own feather, that allows the arrow to automatically target him. In essence, the Heron shot himself in the foot beak. He himself slipped up in his mirage world, and came out to be who he truly was, this weird little man with a huge nose and a conniving demeanour. He adamantly cannot disobey the dream, for then his true nature comes peaking out (a small detail I absolutely love is the fact that the Heron's feathers also disappear out of Mahito's hands when Mahito is called back to reality by the grannies. The grannies protect him in the dream world too, by being his tether and support system while he gets over himself and starts trusting Natsuko). The Heron doesn't WANT to be a guide, for in order to be a guide, you must tell the truth. You'd need to know some facts about the world around you and share this information with the ones seeking guidance. This is how I believe Mahito understood the Heron before we did.

It's not that all herons lie; it's just that this particular one does not want to face the truth/reality.

Another interesting detail: the whole reason why only Mahito was able to cover up the hole in the Heron's beak was reminiscent about how only those that called you out can really patch up your old image. Only those that have poked holes in your false narrative are able to fill them back up again, and even then it is not the same, and even then it will not always be comfortable/reliable.

Either way, the Heron, after this wings partially turn into hands, his true nature, is unable to fly all that well for a while. He relies on Mahito's corkscrew thing in order to relish in his comfort zone of lies again. But throughout the movie, the Heron slowly starts to ignore the corkscrew completely; simply opting to stay in his (frankly, freakish) half gremlin man half heron costume form. The Heron changes because Mahito inspired him to change. Even though his image used to be spotless before, and he tried to deceive Mahito, after a while, he stopped doing that. The mutual trust both Mahito and the Heron had grew. The Heron became a person, although his heron-ness would never go away.

The Heron thus warns Mahito that he should want to forget. That he will forget, either way. That this struggle of his to grapple with the reality of his situation, and the fantasy that he was delving into, will become a far-off memory that Mahito should not revisit. The Heron, I believe, is genuinely trying to look out for Mahito.

"Don't dwell in what you have already overcome. Don't revisit the things you have already outgrown."

And this is where the movie more or less ends. Mahito still keeps that stone, and his mother's book, and he goes back to Tokyo; the only crucial difference is that he has overcome his own grief.

Now, I've said this like a billion times now, but this is the rebirth. This is what I think this movie stands for. What it means, at its core. This is what it means to live; to move on and to cut ties with that what has no place in your life anymore. Miyazaki, I think, is trying to give us closure, a final farewell to Ghibli altogether.

Now I don't know about any speculation that he might come back again, and personally, I don't think it really matters. If he does come back, good for him. I just don't know enough to say anything for sure, so I'll just say I cannot say.

Either way, I think, even though Miyazaki conveyed the need for a new start/a rebirth, he didn't really end on the complete abolishment of all that used to be. You are allowed to keep mementos of it; even though the Heron advises not to. Mahito is allowed to reflect upon this experience, to see it as another stone in his foundation/formation, to say that, yes, the spirit of this change will always stay with me, although it has passed.

Just like how Mahito's mom was someone who returned to the past without regrets. She never came back. She was a spirit that pushed Mahito forward, and he will always remember her, but it's better that she stay a memory than become a fantasy.

This is why I'm so impressed by this movie in general. I'm so thankful that I was able to witness this with a friend of mine. I'm glad that I was able to see this, even though my insanity knows no bounds, and the fact that I didn't even think about any of this until I really sat down to look through the options of interpretations.

I'm so glad I got to go. Now it's time to run towards the future, and never look back.

[quickspinner]

The Struggle is Real

I feel like I owe you guys a huge apology for leaving you on a cliffhanger so long. The last few months have just been wild in real life, and just when I thought we were past all the chaos, our senior dog began to decline. She was eighteen based on her estimated age when we adopted her, so we knew our time was limited, but you're never really prepared for it. I just...haven't been doing well since she passed. Of course I miss her, but I think there's more to it than that; this is the first year both my kids are in school full time, so I was already kind of in a time of big change, and now here I am during the day for the first time in ten years with no one, not even my little floof, to look after and take care of. I've struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager so I feel like there is more going on here than just grief (though there is plenty of that, she was the best dog, gave us a wonderful ten years, and we love her immensely). It just doesn't take much to send my brain chemicals out of whack.

Anyway, I'm not okay but at the same time I'm fine, I'm not in a horrible crisis or anything. I've talked to my husband about it, I see a counselor every couple of weeks and I take medication. (Let me take this opportunity to tell anyone who needs to hear it that suffering is not a foregone conclusion, you can seek help, and keep seeking it if the help you find the first time doesn't work out for you. It's a process, not an instant solution, but you're not doomed to suffer forever, nor is there honor in suffering for no reason. You are worthy of the work it takes to feel better.) I will get better eventually; I might have to adjust my meds, I might have to work out some strategies with my counselor, but I'll get back on balance eventually.

However, until I do, everything is harder than it should be, and my effort has to be focused on my family and my home first. So far my coping strategy has been crafting like a maniac. Maybe I can't control the rest of it but by God I can knit the cutest baby sweater you've ever seen for the new niece that's not even due till next year. 😂

Anyway, I know I don't owe anybody an explanation about all this, but I think I needed to say it, because sometimes pretending I'm okay is really rough and just admitting that I'm not can help. But, that is why I'm not leaving so many comments, not putting much in my reblog tags right now, and not getting any writing done.

[sukunasun]

omg i can't believe you lost all your works? that's devastating! i'm so so sorry that happened. how many months or years' worth of work was it, or do you have a ballpark figure of what's missing? i mourn the drafts we won't get to see because you're an insanely talented writer, but im utterly grateful you still choose to continue. you're such an inspiration.

i basically reenacted the burning of the library of alexandria. there were about 190+ pieces of writing (inclusive of hcs, fics, and asks,etc...) all gone so quickly i barely had time to process it.

before i went finding links and copies from reblogs, i was contemplating whether it'd be worth it since there was a lot to find and it'll take up so much time just searching for them but thankfully most of it is on my masterlist now! there were a few that i just couldn't find reblogs of / cached copies so i suppose they're orphaned work now :( hopefully i'll stumble upon them some day and will be able to link them again.

but i've come to accept it so there are no hard feelings, the grief isn't going to linger and i think the situation helped to bring some focus back to my writing and how it has changed overtime. i get to see the ways which ive improved or lacked. plus, it brought me back to the purpose behind wanting to share my writing in the first place? pre-deletion i got really nervous and felt pressured when it came to posting stuff because i didn't know what reactions i would get, there was this 'underrated writer' stigma looming around me and i was concerned about 'getting my stuff out there'—which isn't how i want to feel when it comes to doing this, i like the interaction and i like when i see my work inspiring people and garnering such positivity but at the same time posting these works was always just about wanting to share thoughts and to write the kind of stuff i want to read about.

and i think im less hard on myself, it sucks being a tortured artist...there are works i keep to myself that i'm not ready to share because im so infuriated with my own inabilities and lacklustre ways, i read them and i think to myself what the hell am i doing? do i really think to call myself a writer? thus the works posted here will render some 'detachment' from me because i know they aren't mine anymore. they become someone else's piece of favourite writing or they're most hated, once i know its out there...it'll be seen and known, it'll exist as something tangible. which is why i feel less upset about 'losing' them after they got deleted, in a way, i was already prepared to let them go. this isn't to say that i don't cherish them but that i've learned that i'll write more stuff anyway and i'll write til i can do it no longer.

when i think about my favourite writers, i'm glad i've gotten to see some of their unfinished works and drafts, their letters and their poems too, all the stuff they probably never wanted the world to see but without them i wouldn't have seen a person who struggles the same way i do.

thank you for mourning them, they were pieces that have brought me a lot of joy and i hope my future work continues to mean something to you 💛

[fanfictrashdump]

Universe in a Jar, 11| Phase 4 fic

Recap: Some days ago, I reblogged this post about the magical trio. And then my brain went off on a monumental tangent and, I wrote Universe in a Jar.

Characters: Stephen Strange, Loki, Wanda Maximoff, Wong, Shang-Chi, Katy, OC

Rating: T?

Summary: Baby-sitting beings arguably more powerful than him goes awry for Doctor Strange. He knows one person who can possibly keep them isolated and out of trouble. Well, he knew someone who could… he hasn’t seen them in decades and for stupid reasons.

Warnings: Language! Emotional trauma, grief, psych holds, confrontation, yelling, lots of people wanting to fight, a slap.

Chapter Summary: Stephen decides to listen to the issues these newcomers present but, of course, everything goes awry. Our favorite neighborhood lawyer drops by. If I'm honest, I saw Matt on No Way Home and I remembered I love him and looked for an excuse to shoehorn him in.

Previous Chapter

XX

"You know, if you keep showing up to your appointments all fucked up, I'm going to have to ask questions, Matt."

Persephone used the needle driver to not-so-delicately shove the surgical needle through the delicate skin over his cheekbone. The process was slow–much slower than if he had ask for literally any other doctor and the stitches were coming out in a slightly disheveled row with tails pointing in all different directions.

"I already show up to your office bleeding and dressed like a ninja, what questions could you possibly have, doc?"

"Funny." She tied the knot to another stitch with a frown. This was why she wasn't a GP or a surgeon. She was shit at this, always had been. "You do know that Psych gets flagged every time you get dragged into the ER, right? You were lucky I was on-call and not anyone else. Or else you'd be halfway through getting checked into your mandatory hold."

The man on the hospital bed smirked, the roguish charm in the expression halfway marred by the mouthful of blood staining his teeth. "Well, lucky for me, my ride is a doctor and she is going to make sure I don't make stupid choices tonight." He considered for a moment. "Any further stupid choices."

Seph rolled her eyes and groaned. "You owe me so fucking much, dude."

"I know." He grinned wider, pulling at his stitches in a way that prompted her to smack his shoulder. "Chinese on me?"

"Absofuckinglutely."

It was a steady routine, by now. Matt would text Persephone that he was in trouble, she would open a portal to the hospital and save his ass, they would eat takeout on her tiny couch and pretended nothing was amiss. Their friendship was simple. They both preferred it that was. And so the two now sat huddled with cartons of Chinese food, some old movie playing in the background for the sake of ambiance noise. The conversation had been easy, as it usually was but the notch between Seph's eyebrows betrayed a need for answers.

"So... what was it this time?"

Matt sighed, picking at some shrimp low mein before answering. "Kids."

"These kids… were they different?"

"You mean different like us or...?" Persephone dropped her chopsticks, head snapping in Matt's direction with barely an excuse prepared on her tongue. "Don't give me that face, Seph. I thought we were over lying to each other for no reason."

"One, how do you know I'm giving you a face? Two, what are you talking about?"

"Of course you're giving me a face. I can hear when you open the magic doors. There's a sort of static to it," he replied simply, barely pausing in his chewing. "Yeah, like us. I went to the hospital tonight because–"

"You need a medic."

He nodded, scratching at an itch on his chin with the back of his chopsticks. "Some of them are in really rough shape."

"Fuck. I could've sworn I combed through the list. Unless they were moved from out of state and–"

It was Matt's turn to look like a deer in headlights. "What? What are you...?"

"I can open doors to anywhere I've been before—I got really good at acting confused when I got caught in hospital file rooms. Made interview weekends for residency really interesting."

Matt laughed, shaking his head absently. "Of course, you did. What was I expecting from the therapist who barely missed a beat when I stumbled to her door bleeding out." There was a short stretch of silence between them. "You get them well, I'll get them safe—legally, I mean. How about that?"

She chuckled. "I'm your therapist. I'm not supposed to have a side-hustle rescuing super kids with you, Matty."

"I haven't paid you in months and you still open the door when I knock. You like lost causes, Seph, be honest."

"Only when they're smart enough to conceal that they can fight but not smart enough not to get punched in the face."

"Would you rather they talk to someone that makes them feel uncomfortable?"

Seph scoffed, rolling her eyes. "That is so not fair and you know it." She took an annoyed bite of an egg roll and groaned. "Fine. You have a deal." She hesitated, biting her lip in thought. "I might also need your help with one of my other patients. Older, and hasn't said anything but I think he's in a bit trouble. You don't happen to know anyone in San Francisco who could help, would you?"

"Seph, are you alright there?"

Persephone hummed at her former patient, offering him a tight-lipped smile as she settled onto one of the overstuffed couches in the living room. Bilbo, the adorable ginger kitten had nestled into the crook of her neck and was quietly snoring in ignorant bliss.

"I'm fine, buddy. How are you? Shang-Chi."

"Right. That. It's a long story."

"Oh my god, but it's such a good story, Perse-pants!" Katy started, squirming excited in her seat before taking a look around the room. "Buuuut maybe this is not the time?"

Half the other occupants nodded, but swiveled their attention to Stephen, who had walk past the living room to the kitchen without so much as a glance and ducked into the kitchen to squirrel away some snacks. He stopped just short of the living room, bright eyes carefully documenting each individual before groaning over the bag of chips clenched between his teeth.

"Don't ruin your dinner, Stephen."

He barely missed a beat. "Don't mother me, Seph."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't need cookies, crackers, and chips. You'll get a stomachache."

"You know, I used to go whole years taking care of myself, Per–"

"And yet, you still ended up banging on my door when shit went sideways." They stared at each other for a hard minute before Stephen turned on his heel back to the kitchen, mumbling complaints under his breath.

"I don't trust this guy."

"Join the club," Wong and Loki chorused together.

Loki sighed, settling back beside Persephone and stroking at the sleeping Flerken with his index finger. "Sadly, he's annoyingly capable."

"I don't like his attitude." The claim was unnecessary, considering anyone with eyes could tell he didn't. "Seph, do you really know this guy? This can't be the Steve you kept telling me about."

"We are not doing the hyperdefensive thing today, Shaun. He's having a moment."

"Yeah, you've been saying that since the day we met. How is he even your friend if you're never on good terms?"

Persephone's response was cut short.

A picture frame with multiple individual pictures was slammed on the coffee table hard enough to make the glass rattle. Stephen glared at Shang-Chi across the width of the table. The latter broke their gaze long enough to observe the six different portraits in a frame with the words Best Friends embossed along the top. Stephen and Persephone at a handful of different ages, arms around each other and giving half-hearted smiles at the camera.

"Oh." Shang-Chi stared at the smiles on each photograph. "Oh god, are these funerals?"

Seph smirked, patting Stephen's leg as he fell onto the couch on her other side. "My mother had a twisted sense of humor. Friends are not the ones who show up to the birthday parties, they're the ones that go to the funerals."

Beside her, Stephen stiffened. The last picture on the panel was a selfie, taken alone at her mother's funeral. A shuddering breath left his lungs, promptly covered up with the crunch of a chip. She gave his leg another squeeze of reassurance.

"If you're satisfied that I'm not some random asshole whose help you need–god only knows why that matters– can you move on?"

"You know, maybe if you were a little nicer, you wouldn't have been bumped off from Sorcerer Supreme."

"I wasn't bumped off, I was dusted, asshole."

Seph glanced sideways. "Is that why Wong was OK sending you...?"

The flush dusting over his ears was an easily recognizable sign of his being flustered. "Can we move on?"

Sensing his discomfort, she metaphorically backed off the subject. "OK. Not the time. Gotcha." Her hand sought out his just as the leg closest hers began to anxiously bounce. She dropped her voice. "You're OK."

He leaned in closer to her, looking a little like a child clinging to a parent and dropped his volume to mirror hers. "I'll be better when this is over, so can we please move on?"

"I know we're all on pins and needles here but… can I hold the kitty?" Katy irrupted, effectively breaking the tension that was looming in the room.

"Can she?" She asked Stephen under her breath, and the sorcerer nodded minutely. Persephone untangled the tiny nails from her t-shirt and leaned forward to hand off the fluffy parcel. "OK. I know that not everyone here is on friendly terms. I'm not stupid enough to believe that you'll all just play nice for the sake of playing nice. However, I expect everyone to be respectful and open. That includes not picking fights because you're being petty. Understood?"

There was a chorus of mumbled agreements. No one was entirely sure of what Persephone was capable of when annoyed and definitely not brave enough to find out.

"Excellent. Katy, you seem to be the most neutral party here. Would you mind telling us what brought you here?"

Katy's usually bubbly expression crumpled into a frown. Her fingers reverently rustled the kitten's fur while she thought of the best way to approach the situation. "Shaun was raised to be an assassin by some thousand year warlord that was in charge of the Ten Rings–it's a crime ring in China. That is a whole other story and not the point. But his mom was from this mythical place full of magic and weird creatures and dragons. There is a lot more to say about it but the main point is some other reality is crashing into that one and the evil dragon thing that was being kept locked was somehow back and the village went on lockdown. But this version is really smart and threatening to leave into the real world and we have no clue what to do."

Seph's eyebrows, along with anyone else's who managed to follow the tale, rose. "Thank you for that Katy. That was very concise and to the point. I think." She turned to Shang-Chi, narrowing her eyes. "So, not a school teacher and a banker who died in a car crash, then."

"I didn't want to lie to you, I swear. Who would've believed me?"

"I would've." She didn't need to remind him of how she moved mountains to get him into a safe living situation going on nothing but his word, mainly because it was already on the forefront of his mind. He considered that life debt with every breath he took while glaring at Stephen Strange. On any other occasion, he probably would've liked the guy; with his favorite therapist, not so much.

The room sat with bated breath for the retort that never came.

"What do you need? From Wong or Stephen or whoever else you needed?"

"We need a way to keep the village contained and help sending the other one back from where it came from." He sighed, falling back into the couch cushions. "We've tried all we can think of and we need someone more capable."

"I suggested he talk to Stephen and you, Persephone." Wong cut in before taking another sip of tea and stealing a chip out of Stephen's bag.

"I'm happy to help however you need." Seph's tone was careful at her follow up. "Stephen?"

"Wong is better at alternate reality spells. I'd just get in the way."

"Oh, shit. He's broken." Everyone cut their eyes at Wanda for stating the obvious, despite the fact that no one really disagreed with that assessment.

"Stephen, that's not true. Why else would Wong have come looking for you if he didn't think you'd be helpful?"

"Because I'm good at pretending I know what I'm doing. I don't actually know what's going on most of the time. You know I don't. I think it's better for everyone if I just stay here and you–"

The snap of Wanda's hand coming across Stephen's face astoundingly echoed in the living room long after it had happened. Or, perhaps, everyone was just so surprised that they felt like they could hear it echo across time. "Get your shit together, Stephen."

Breathing in deeply, the sorcerer's eyes fluttered to a close. It wouldn't do to launch himself across the room to where Wanda had retreated and strangle the woman, especially when she was right. His jaw twitched with the effort of clenching his teeth down so hard his whole face hurt. When his eyes opened, anew, they looked a shade down from murderous.

"I'm not allowed out of the house for another three days."

Katy nodded empathetically. "Oh. Pers put a hold on you?"

"Yes." He dragged the s sound with a little more rage than was warranted.

"Alright there, grouchy. Settle down." She gave his hand another squeeze. "Wanda, we don't hit people."

"You almost killed him. Several times."

"Not on purpose! But I get what you were trying to do. So, if you can just…"

"Sorry, Stephen." She neither looked nor sounded like she was the teeniest bit sorry. No one else looked particularly pained, either.

Stephen's eyes glinted with fire. "Apology not accepted. I don't forgive you."

"Take a breath, Steve. It's not OK that she hit you. Sparking your rage is the easiest way to get you out of funks. She appreciates that we're on a tight timeline."

"And hitting him is fun." Wanda quipped with a self-satisfied smile.

Seph snapped. "Wanda, for fuck's sake!"

"That's not becoming language for a nurturing environment, Peep."

Persephone put the patience cultivated in underfunded government facilities to work and inhaled deeply. When she exhaled, the walls flickered ever-so-gently. "Three days. Can you guys manage that?"

"Yes. We can come up with a plan by then." Shang-Chi bit his lip before adding. "Do you still talk to Matt?"

The question took her by surprise. She briefly wondered if he had gotten some mind-reading skills along with those magical power rings. "Er, yeah. Why?"

"It's about my sister."

Seph balked. "You have a sister!?"

"Yeah and I think she might be in trouble but she lives in China and–"

"Out of curiosity, how much did you lie to me?" A passive mask, one that she had stolen from Stephen many years ago, took over her body language.

His face fell. "Seph…"

"That much? OK." Another deep breath. "I'll call Matty."

"Matty?"

"Not now, Stephen. Really, not now." With a sigh, she rose from the couch to rescue her cell from somewhere in the debris left in the kitchen.

"Darling, are you alright?"

Seph turned to smile at Loki over her shoulder. She found her phone and wiped the screen with the fabric of her t-shirt. "Yeah, I'm fine, bud."

Without saying a word, Loki tilted his head an raised an eyebrow. The expression alone spoke volumes.

"I'll be OK. It's just a lot."

"Stephen will be alright."

"Oh, I know he will. He just needs a few days to feel sorry for himself and he'll be back to his normal self in no time."

Loki nodded, closing the space between them before wrapping his arms around her. He squeezed her tightly until her spine melted and she rested heavily against him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, flower. You deserve rest and care, too." He placed a finger under her chin to tilt her gaze to his. "There's nothing wrong with needing a moment to not be in control."

"It'd be easier if you all weren't…"

"Messes? Yes, I assume so." He pressed a kiss on her forehead with incredibly delicacy. "You'd be very bored, though."

Seph giggled, nodding in assent. "Go sit with him before he has a breakdown. I'll be right in after I've spoken to Matt."

Persephone had barely made it a few sentences into her conversation with Matt when the screaming match began. With assurances that everything was fine and that she'd forward along any details Shaun gave her, she hastily ended the call and stuffed the phone in her pocket.

"You take it back or I will make you!" Stephen screamed, Loki once again having to hold him by the waist to keep the man from pouncing.

"Yeah, well, funnily enough, I'm not scared."

"Shaun, stop! That was too far and you know it." Katy had slipped between them with a glare. The kitten had skittered off to perch upon one of the bookshelves lining the far wall. "Apologize."

"I wasn't talking about her. I was talking about him."

"You don't talk about her like that, you hear me!" Stephen was in the kind of anger that brought tears to his eyes and made him choke up with the bitterness of the emotion. "You can say whatever the fuck you want about me, you keep her out of your mouth!"

"I was gone for five minutes! What the hell?" Though everyone else glanced in Seph's direction, Shang-Chi and Stephen couldn't stop staring each other down. "What happened?"

Stephen cut in before anyone else could. "Nothing! Nothing that will be a problem, Peep. Don't worry about it."

"It doesn't look like nothing."

"It's better if you don't know, darling," Loki explained, barely able to pull Stephen behind himself and become an extra barrier with Katy. "Apologize, Ring Master. Now."

"I'm sorry."

Wong held his bicep in a vise grip, feeling the energy curling around him with the anger. "I think we should leave. Persephone, I will let you know the details of what has to be done in Ta Lo."

"You guys just got here. I put dinner on."

"Another time, I promise."

Katy ducked to the side, crossing to where Seph stood, still thoroughly confused, and gave her a long squeeze. "I'll call you, Pers. We can have lunch."

"Sure thing, Katy. Take care, hurricane."

Wong, Shang-Chi, and Katy disappeared through a portal but left the heaviness in the atmosphere behind.

"No one's going to tell me what happened, are they?" Both Loki and Wanda shook their heads, at once. "Alright." She cut to where Stephen had sunk into the couch and took a knee in front of him. "Are you OK, buddy?"

"I wasn't wrong to yell at him."

Seph glanced over her shoulder, giving a thumbs up and down, waiting for a response. She got two thumbs up in response, and if the frowns were anything to go by, he had been in his full right to yell. "That's fine, love. I don't care about that right now. Are you OK?"

"I've been better." He dragged the back of his hand across his face. "Are you? You didn't hear, did you?" She shook her head in the negative and he breathed a sigh of relief. "Can I have a hug?"

"Oh, my god, who is this person?"

Loki snickered at Wanda's outburst while watching Seph curl beside Stephen with an expression bordering on fondness. "Come on. If we don't finish dinner, we won't get fed," he supplied, instead to give the two some privacy.

"You want to tell me what's wrong?"

Her voice was soft as she trailed her fingers through his hair. His arms had locked themselves around her waist and he had placed his left ear to her heart. The shaking of his frame due to receding adrenaline had started to settle down.

"Nothing. I did the right thing."

She snickered. "Of course you did. But I want to know if this is going to upset you later."

He chuckled, turning his head to hide in the crook of her neck. "I'm always upset. What else is new?"

"That's not true and you know it, dork."

He lifted his head, offering her a dramatically large smile. "I'm going to be fine. You might get a lot of phone calls apologizing that you won't know what they're about but that's about it." He rested his chin on her collarbone, getting comfortable in her embrace.

"You're really not going to tell me, are you?" Her tone wanted to sound surprised but deep down she knew that, for the right reasons, he was able to keep a secret. Even if it meant he couldn't lord it over someone else. "That bad, huh?"

"Yeah. And you don't need to hear it."

"That's fine. Thank you for whatever it was you did."

Stephen's face brightened, as if he had been given the best gift ever. "You're welcome, Peep."

She kissed his forehead. "Still hungry?"

He rolled his eyes with unneeded energy. "Starving."

They managed to untangle and head towards the kitchen. The front door, however, pounded with them just short of the kitchen threshold.

All four occupants held their breath, ready to fight.

Another round of pounding followed.

"Seph, it's Matt."

A collective sigh was released and Persephone threw the front door open to the small apartment in the Bronx. Jeans and sweatshirts suited the man at the door, much more when he wasn't actively bleeding on her doorstep.

"I know you said you were fine, but I could hear Stephen yelling at someone over the line, so…"

"Of course you did." She stepped aside. "Nothing to do with being just in time for dinner, right?"

Matt laughed, folding his cane as he wandered in without invitation. "Of course not. I am a gentleman."

Stephen peeked out from the kitchen and groaned loudly. "Oh, god, not this guy."

"Doctor Strange. Nice to see you outside the courtroom." Matt smirked. "Well, you know what I mean."

The sorcerer watched as Matt wandered towards the kitchen as if it were a well-practiced route before cutting the distance between himself and his best friend. "I am not explaining the thousand year old god cooking at your stove to that man," he whispered urgently.

Matt was already opening a beer at the kitchen counter. "Don't have to. Loki, was it?"

Stephen's eyes snapped back to Persephone in alarm.

"We're probably going to have to sit down for this one, Steve."

[brycelahelalover]

Labor of love

Pairing: Bryce × f!MC (Tesse Sterling)

Bryce was watching the TV when he heard the clatter in the kitchen. He hurried over to find Tesse clutching her pregnant bully with a look of shock on her face. His eyes trealed down her legs to see a pool on the floor between them.

"My water broke." Tesse said after a few beats.

"But how? The Ob-Gyn said it'll be a couple of weeks before you're due."

"I know.. Bryce, I'm not ready for this. I haven't prepared a delivery bag, plus I still haven't psyched myself into processing that I'm going to be a mother." Tesse responded, panicked.

"It's okay. Everything is going to be okay. I'll go put together a bag. As for your processing you can do it in the way to the hospital."

"Are you making fun of me?" Tesse asked, enraged.

"Tesse, no. Even I'm not dumb enough to make light of THIS situation."

"Yeah, well. You better be."

"Okay, I'll call an uber while I prepare the bag." Said Bryce, ignoring her sass.

"And I'll go change. After all I can't go back to the hospital after our honeymoon, or what we spent of it, looking like this."

Bryce turned to their room, rolling his eyes and muttering under his breath.

"Priorities."

"I heard that."

After an uber ride filled with Tesse' s whimpering every time a contraction hits her, they made it to the hospital. When they got to the nurse's station, the nurse there asked for the patient name.

"Tesse Lahela. Or wait Tesse Sterling..."

He turns to his wife.

"We still haven't talked about what you want to be called at the hospital."

"Seriously, Bryce? Do I look like i care right now?"

"Okay. We'll go with Tesse Lahela." Bryce informs the nurse.

"Of course you would go with that."

"Oh my god, Tesse. You just said that you don't care."

"Yeah. But figures that you would go with that."

"You know what? Fine. We'll go with Tesse Sterling instead." He informs the nurse again.

"Happy now?"

"I told you I don't care."

Throwing his hands up, Bryce puts their bag on his shoulder and follows the nurse to their room.

About half an hour after, they heard a knock at the door, and then Dr. Williams, the Ob-Gyn, comes in.

"Hi Tesse, didn't expect to see you intel two weeks." She said.

"Yeah, I didn't either." Tesse responded.

"I know you weren't expecting to go through this now. But it happens more often than you think."

"I know I just.. the contractions are really bad."

"Okay, we'll see how far along you are and than we'll see."

After measuring Tesse, Dr. Williams said.

"Alright, you're not far enough to start the delivery."

"How far?" Bryce asked.

"Just one centimeter."

"Oh my god, seriously?" Now, Tesse asked, looking exhausted.

"It's fine, I'll tell you somethings you can do to make it a little bit faster."

After explaining what to do, the doctor left. And over the next 16 hours, they had other measurements, their friends came over to check on them, and even more complaining from Tesse. It was hard for Bryce seeing his wife going through so much pain and not being able to do anything about it. Probably not as hard as it is for her to go through this but still.. And then finally.

"Alright, you're ready for delivery."

"Oh, finally."

After putting Tesse on the right position, the doctor said.

"Okay... push."

And so it began.

"Push, Tesse, push." Encouraged Bryce.

"Seriously, Bryce. What do you think I'm doing right now?" Snapped Tesse.

"Okay, no need to be mean."

"Bryce.." She whimpered, tears on her eyes.

Bryce regretted it, seeing how much in pain she is.

"It's okay, baby. I'm sorry." He said while kissing her forehead.

"It just hurts so much. I can't..."

"Tesse look at me. You're strong you can do it."

"But.."

"No listen to me you can do it don't you want to see our beautiful baby?"

"I do. Okay.."

And after about 10 minutes of trying, the doctor said.

"Okay, just one last push."

And that's what Tesse did, she pushed as hard as she can. And than, they heard a cry.

"Here he is." The Ob-Gyn said before passing the child over to the nurse to clean him up. And then she turned to the couple.

"You've got yourself one healthy boy."

After a few hours of people coming over to congratulate them and their friends fawning over their newborn, Tesse and Bryce sat in silence with their baby laying on Tesse' s chest, feeding. After a while, Tesse turned to her husband.

"I'm sorry for being mean to you earlier."

Bryce chuckled.

"Who knew you'd be such a bully while in labor?"

"You're talking like you can't be one when you want to be. But seriously, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I get it, you were in pain... Though I wouldn't mind if you wanted to make it up to me."

"A baby is not enough for you?"

"One with a few kisses from his mother would be."

The end

So I know that it wasn't that great or thought-out but I don't know... anyway, I would appreciate it if you like, comment and reblog. And if you noticed any medical inaccuracies please tell me since I've never seen a labor and I'm not sure what I'm talking about.