#IDK HOW TO PROPERLY EXPRESS HOW HYPED I AM FOR THEM

[credulouscanidae]

i think. it's because i got denied an appointment to start hrt again despite giving all the history + diagnosis. nhs isnt going to help me. i had a massive breakdown about that. i was told i need to send the docs, sent them off couple weeks before christmas, sent a follow up email as i didnt get a reply back early jan, then called up asking for an update, only to be told that they apparently sent a letter to my old gp about denying me an appt. and then got all indignant when i asked for a copy of the letter -about me-. couldnt even acknowledge my 3 emails i had sent them over the month. nah, all my medical future gets decided without my input or autonomy. such is the case with the nhs i hear. that was....the week before? idk time is getting lost on me.

then within the same week i get indirectly told that i didnt get the job i was really riding on getting, at the place i volunteer. i was hyped up about volunteers having a higher chance by the workers there. radio silence for months. get told by one of the workers at break "oh btw im sorry you didnt get the job". despite...despite asking for a follow up about my outcome, and being assured that i would get a yes or no answer, because "they follow up with everyone who has an interview whether you got the job or not".

me from a year ago wouldve been disappointed, but probably couldve picked up from that and be reassured. the me now? cant bounce back. clearly im not worth having these opportunities. im not worth having a job at the place ive been at for9 months, and instead they hire 2 completely new people to the organisation. i wasnt even runner up.

i miss my old self. i am a fat disgusting estrogen-ridden husk of my former self.

i miss working. it fucked me up in a lot of ways, but it kept me fit, busy, occupied, and productive.

i miss connection and talking to people. god, i miss it every day. and the only solution to it is to challenge myself. but it's so fucking easy to give up and resign to the fact that no one cares or id be a bother or i deserve to be alone. how the fuck are you meant to be convinced to even instigate convo when thats all that goes through your head?

while im not making any effort to end my life, im sure as hell also not doing anything to preserve it. i feel like im going to snap some point soon. i feel more and more unhinged every time i have a breakdown, like i am so rotted from the inside that i can barely hold myself together anymore. my foundations are collapsing. i had a breakdown mid last week and i still feel hungover. my body itches and jitters all over.

cant even do my dog grooming properly. im not confident nor experienced enough, but im too scared to take abreak from it because i know that's just the mental illness talking and i should just suck it up and pull through. i could if i tried.

but the problem is i cant find a reason to try.

i feel like a sim. like a simulation just going through the ropes, making the body movements that constitute a behaviour. but im not actually doing them. i barely comprehended that i made dinner last night, it kinda...spawned. bangers and mash it was. first cooked meal in a long time. beats whatever frozen thing i shove into the oven.

i get up, have breakfast, pass the time and just eat whenever i feel hungry, and before i know it, it's time to sleep. every day blurs into one.

i know this all sounds melodramatic but it's how i feel. i hate myself for only being able to express my misery through dumb tumblr posts hidden under readmores. thats not the way to get help. i want help, and i know i need it. but that requires me to believe that i am worth saving.

but i am not worth saving.

if this is what life has to be then i dont know.

i just. wish i could feel like things will be okay one day. that there is an end to this.

im going to bed.

it's been a. weird past 7 days or so.

[leo-kinnie]

GET OUT MY WALLS WHAT THE FUCK (/lh)

Anyways ptau (parent trap au) headcanons donnie edition

-neopronoun hoarder. pronoun list is at least 3 pages on google docs

-LED fiend

-has like. 5,000 lamps in his room and only uses 7 of them consistently

-extremely volatile music taste. Can be listening to rises the moon one second and then crazy = genius the next

-suppresses stims a lot because he's still in HEAVY denial of being tistic

-sleep schedule? Hardly know her

-made glowsticks all the time when he was younger because chemical reaction go brrr

-has a shitton of plants (mostly succulents)

-transgender, to which one you ask? Yes

OH SHIT OH SHIT HEADCANONS FOR PTAU FUCKING DROPPED EVERYBODY

[blackhairedjjun]

sending u an ask bc its been idk how long since i read the bad ending and i cant get over it :< i cant get over ur beautiful writing ugh :< i rlly hope you continue to write (no pressure though) because the way you word things is just super super immersing i love it so much ehsvwshbwjsnwjesb i hope foec grows and grows so much in notes because u deserve all the love for that fic <3

hey moon! sorry it took a while to answer this, between this ask + the very long and sweet reblog you left you said so many kind and flattering things that i felt a bit overwhelmed (in a good way! like, overwhelmed with love) and i wasn't sure how to respond skdljfaksld

but thank you thank you so much, both for saying this and for the really long reblog. i've seen how you supported foec since the very first chapter and i can't tell you how much it means to me, especially since this blog started from nothing, and having a fellow writer with a following really did a lot to get people interested in my fic. i mean, i would still write without the following, but there's something very touching about having someone love my fic so much that they constantly compliment it and hype it up and recommend it to other people. i can't even properly express how touched i am, i feel like crying tears of joy just writing this ahahaha

i do want to continue writing for txt! (or at least for yeonjun, sorry i love all the boys but as an older fan i only really feel comfy writing for the oldest member) i think i will take a break for a bit because i want to write for one of my other fandoms rn, plus i'm also busy with grad school so that's obvs gonna be my first priority. but i have some other ideas in mind and i really want to write them when i have the time!!

[madfantasy]

Dearest Mani, you are always in my heart and prayers! You're incredibly talented as an artist and a writer (I think you could write a good autobiography, I find your writing both heartbreaking and fascinating), and so strong and persistent! I dreamed of becoming an artist as a kid, but wasn't allowed to study drawing, but when I became a teen nobody could prevent me from learning... but I was too hesitant... with too low self-esteem... so I never learned, alas. Be blessed, my darling!

Oh dear Bianca, thank you so much, bless your heart🫂💛

I always fear when I share about my life that I be a burden.. I have to apologise

I'm sorry you had that experience, I understand at times people think of art as not a rewarding path and maybe discourage people from it, but if its your dream, its yours and it is in you, and you're never late to start if the dream still dwells within the space of your pleased mild unconsciousness and the results shouldn't matter most of the time, the more you do it, the more it be obvious what you can and can't do, and what you want and don't want to do in the vast fields of art~

I honestly have never considered art as something I'd go with, I actually was a mathmatic wiz and enjoyed solving these equations like chewing on sour candy,  my mouth frothing at the thought of getting more... and wrestling, its still my second goal..

Art was something I did out of necessity; I wasn't allowed to express much, it was similar to the life style of military (the irony here is my last name means warrior, and alot of distant family were inrolled, including my guardians) it was a life line mechanism your body forcesyou to do, to breath.  I didn't think of it,  I didn't plan it, I didn't consider it Art, so I always feel because I didn't seek it as art or have sought to learn it properly or have in my possession a sealed certificate of learning it, i can't call myself an artist! (But that continuesly was proven wrong as I became more and more involved in it)

And the amount of resistance I got towards me drawing equalled me stubbornly drawing even more. It was as if I was involved in the dark arts, which it was to my family, my teachers, my peers— everyone. It was a reason for them to crush me, but it didn't crush the urge to draw non stop.

I remember as a kid they let me cuz its child's play, and was aware of all those adults saying to my guardians, oh Mani's art is amazing but you know what to do when they grow up. They beat the freak out of me every time they caught me doing it. So my choices became draw while they are asleep ( or my own sleep time under the covers) or at work. Second place is at school, I was taking every pause possibility to draw like I'm possessed to, while decently acing school. I mean I literally did my homework and everything at school so I don't have to do anything home but draw.

Inevitably I was found out at school, even tho I was and still a very quiet shy kid, and I try to hide my art anyway possible whilst drawing. Evey time the consequences were either of those two: utter humiliation, or a praise with guilt.

They praised me saying its amazing but I can't do that, and to please stop it. Or just being silently fascinated by it and taking it without telling me its good so they "won't encourage me"

The humiliation was me pointed out as what not to do to the whole class, and telling me I'm going to hell when I die and be forced to try and make those creations I made come to life, seeing that I could not, be tortured with alot of graphically disturbing description of fire and burns. First when I was 7 years old. I remember standing too in a line in front of the whole school at queue as the "shameful" students line, watching some of my peers cry and me just standing there just struggling not to laugh. Cuz idk

Other time peers snatching my art from me and running around with it and calling me names, and such, and it takes a bit more than rough housing by me to get it back. Often school calling home and getting my share of beating from there too.

I remember the biggest humiliation I got is by a freaking art teacher snatching my mouths stocked folder thanks to the stupidity of a peer I didn't even allow to share my art with leaving it wide open for the teacher to see. They took it, questioned my classmates as to how the frk nobody reported my art to the admin or whatever. And if they were okay with the horrors I make. They were heh.

But didn't stop the admin from basicly spreading that and assuming that i am crazy and need psychological help. Which made more hard beatings at home hearing that in the phone call they made.

I eventually fell out from school because of continuing decline financial situation and my mental stability. The cycle didn't end, guardians never stopped killing me over it, destroying my art, threatening, the whole work— till I got commissioned for the very first time. Like only few years ago. They let off seeing now it brings money..

Till this day they don't know what I draw thanks to switching digitally nd speaking English. Also they don't have the health to go around snooping in my stuff anymore right around the time too

The bottom line is, I don't know how everything just fell into place, into being an artist rather than it being a choice to make.. still carrying those shackles of always get those flashes of being hurt by it, regretting posting and drawing always and feeling its never good enough or not being something acceptable or sought-after. But on the flip side, it's the embodiment of freedom, it's the most accomplished, happy, fulfilled, humaaaaann I ever be while practising it.

What you love and will be will happen no matter what and how long...

I'm sorry for more sad dibble about my life..

I am happy today; I just wore like passes as a boy trouble maker here and my guardians were laughing and hyping me to go out on the streets and make some trouble. The exact intention hehe. And I wanted to share but can't do that publicly but posted on my ko-fi hehe

Leaving u with sev wip , and all my love 💛🌟

[aj28gaming]

Nagito's dementia and misuse of information

CAN PEOPLE STOP TRYING TO USE FRONTOTEMPORAL DEMENTIA SYMPTOMS TO EXPLAIN HIM?

.

What I mean is, yes he has dementia or is at least diagnosed with it

And I believe that he probably does actually have dementia (not saying he could've lied tho but he could've still been misdiagnosed)

But that doesn't mean he has all of the symptoms

.

I don't think we can confirm if he does or doesn't have dementia because he might just not have all of the symptoms

But I do know that using the symptoms to explain his character isn't a good idea especially since it usually undermines who he actually is

.

So stop using his dementia as a way to explain EVERYTHING HE DOES AND IS

He doesn't even have all the symptoms and is close to having almost none of them

Using a mental illness to explain a character's entire character is a bad idea and makes it seem like it's who they are entirely

Yes Nagito is diagnosed with dementia however that isn't who he is entirely

He is a complicated character with a lot of layers

And his illnesses definitely don't make up ALL OF HIS LAYERS AND CHARACTER

.

Okay now, let me explain

(These are a combination of all of the symptoms of Frontotemporal dementia that I have gathered)

.

(I AM NOT TRYING TO PROVE HE DOESN'T HAVE DEMENTIA BECAUSE HE MIGHT STILL HAVE IT, I'M JUST TRYING TO POINT OUT WHY USING THE SYMPTOMS TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING HE DOES IS A BAD THING)

.

Now onto the symptoms:

.

Behavior and/or dramatic personality changes, such as swearing, stealing, increased interest in sex, or a deterioration in personal hygiene habits

- No, and no not even when the killing game started. Yeah sure he laughs now, but that's no different from how he is normally since laughing for him is what he does when he gets surprised or stressed. He doesn't change much in the killing game, he still believes in hope and everyone else, still respects boundaries, still have crazy high intellect and empathy, still pushes people away

.

Socially inappropriate, impulsive, or repetitive behaviors

- not really, again the guy is a freaking gentleman even during the killing game. He respects boundaries, reprimands Teruteru for sexual assault during chapter 1, pushes people away and distances himself from others, isn't at all impulsive (usually quite the opposite really), and is usually planning and tries to remain calm and composed throughout the killing game (struggling tho cuz yeah killing game)

.

Impaired judgment

- here, I kinda disagree. I wouldn't say that Nagito is entirely in the right with everything he does, but I understand his views. The guy knows that no one is truly a bad person in the killing game because everyone was forced into it. He knows that even the blackened escapes and everyone dies, it isn't fully a bad thing because that means someone escapes and goes back home to their loved ones while the killing game ends

If a blackened succeeds, the despair would be of course everyone else dying and the blackened going through a lot of trauma, but the hope would be the end of the killing game and the blackened going home or to their loved ones or to their goal in life or whatever

If the blackened dies, the despair would obviously be the blackened dying and the killing game still continuing, while the hope would be everyone else still alive

Nagito isn't exactly wrong in wanting to help the blackened as well, of course, Nagito would want him himself to be the victim so another person gets a chance at escape and no one else would be the victim

Sadly for Nagito, that time never comes

Nagito doesn't want others to be killed, he wants to sacrifice himself instead as the victim instead of everyone else

.

Apathy

- .....big no. Nonononono. The dude is anything but apathetic.

"Apathy is a lack of feeling, emotion, interest, or concern about something."

Seriously, being a dude who is constantly supportive of everyone and their hopes in life and how passionate this dude gets about hope and despair, and the fact that he is the most stressed 24/7 about something bad happening due to his luck, this guy is seriously anything but apathetic

.

Lack of empathy

- No. If the guy truly lack empathy he wouldn't need to use Hope desperately as a coping mechanism, wouldn't care about the ultimates and their hopes and despairs, wouldn't constantly be thinking about helping the ultimates and overcoming despair, wouldn't be the most stressed out of everyone, and definitely wouldn't be in love with Hajime or even act the way he did in chapter 1

.

Decreased self-awareness

- You don't actually understand why you act the way you do. A good indicator that you lack self-awareness deals with how well you understand your emotions, actions, and behavior. People who lack self-awareness often feel constantly off-kilter, anxious, or angry.

This is not Nagito at all. The guy understands his emotions and behaviors which is why he is able to do the things he does and is able to conduct plans based on how much he understands his own self and capabilities. The guy is actually the most self-aware out of everyone, he knows about how people don't understand him and constantly misunderstand him and his intentions, he is aware constantly of his inability sometimes to properly explain his goals to people.

The guy has a lot of self-awareness and isn't afraid to take responsibility for his actions. Actually, it's because of how self-aware he is of his own self and his destructive luck cycle that he constantly blames himself for anything bad that happens.

The guy is seriously self-aware as hell and it's scary sometimes

.

Loss of interest in normal daily activities

- Nope, he hasn't shown any sign of apathy towards anything and is usually pretty hyped about doing daily activities. He is paranoid though on the daily because he fears for what his luck cycle might do

.

Emotional withdrawal from others

- Emotional withdrawal involves bottling up your emotions. It involves cutting out the people who could help us, because we're so used to rejection that we've learned to anticipate it. Because we've learned to disconnect from others, we develop other unhealthy coping mechanisms

Emotional withdrawal is defined as pulling back emotionally or physically by bottling up your feelings or disconnecting from others. Emotional withdrawal can be far more complex at times. It is comparable to a breakup, in every way but physical.

Kind of? Yes, he pushes people away, but he is still willing to spend time with people, especially Hajime, when they really insist. He politely pushes people away, but he isn't opposed to hanging out with people either though it is sometimes rare

.

Loss of energy and motivation

- .... I already said it before, the guy is full of motivation and energy and passion that it is scary sometimes

.

Inability to use or understand language; this may include difficulty naming objects, expressing words, or understanding the meanings of words

-.....WHY IS THIS HERE? THE GUY IN THE JAPANESE DUB CONSTANTLY FLEXES HIS DAMN ENGLISH VOCABULARY DESPITE IT BEING A JAPANESE DUB

AND THE FUCKING ENGLISH WORDS HE USES ARE FANCY AND HIGH LEVEL AS FUCK THAT I FEEL SMART JUST READING THEM

.

Hesitation when speaking

- Definite no, the guy isn't afraid to voice his own opinions and never hesitates and can get very vocal about the things he is passionate about

.

Less frequent speech

- Again, definite hell no. I wouldn't be surprised if his voice lines are longer than the voice lines of everyone else combined

.

Distractibility

- Nope. The guy is focused on his goals constantly. No matter what he does, you can always be sure that it is for a certain goal. He pisses of Fuyuhiko? It was to get a reaction from him to confirm his suspicions about the true culprit. He lied about the rope? It was to see how Mikan would react and how the trial would go to confirm his suspicions about Mikan being the culprit?

The guy is focused like a damn soldier

.

Trouble planning and organizing

-.....do I seriously need to explain? This is Nagito we are talking about

.

Frequent mood changes

- Not really. He usually acts or reacts a certain way because something happened like someone died or something. He is actually pretty normal with how he acts and reacts and doesn't really change his mood rapidly that much

.

Agitation

- Yes and no? Sure the guy gets paranoid 24/7, but is still somewhat more chill than agitated to an extent. He is easy going and is just paranoid about what his luck would do, he is vigilant but not necessarily agitated

.

Increasing dependence

- No. The guy is independent to a fault and only relies on others when his plans call for it. He also usually does things of his own accord and rarely with a partner unless he really needs to or his goal is to help that person specifically, which knowing him is a usual thing

.

Unwillingness to talk

- Again, no. The guy talks a lot and while he pushes others away, he wouldn't turn down a conversation if the other person wanted one

.

Lack of inhibition or lack of social tact

- Again, no. The guy is a gentleman and respects boundaries and definitely gets stressed especially in the killing game. The guy is also paranoid 24/7 on a normal day due to his luck cycle

.

Obsessive or repetitive behavior, such as compulsively shaving or collecting items

- No? Sure he clings to hope but that is more of a coping mechanism. If he isn't in a stressful situation like a killing game he doesn't get that obsessive as much about hope since he doesn't need to desperately cling to it as a coping mechanism

.

Unusual verbal, physical or sexual behavior

- No? He isn't at all like this. It isn't unusual to panic or use a coping mechanism desperately when in a situation like a killing game, and he doesn't do anything unusual like this when it's a normal day. Sure the guy gets paranoid, but that's it

.

Weight gain due to dramatic overeating

- No? Actually, I don't really know how much weight he gains to be honest so idk

.

.

.

My main point here is, yes there is a chance Nagito does actually have dementia, but using the symptoms as a way to explain his character undermines who he actually is and can cause a lot of misunderstandings of his character

Especially since I remember being told that they only added in dementia to his character backstory a little late during his character development and creation

It isn't a good idea to use his symptoms because it usually gets his character wrong and sometimes makes them excuse a lot of the things he has done

The guy is self-aware, isn't socially inept, is a gentleman, and socially intelligent as hell

.

And again

Stop using his dementia as a way to explain EVERYTHING HE DOES AND IS

He doesn't even have all the symptoms and is close to having almost none of them

Using a mental illness to explain a character's entire character is a bad idea and makes it seem like it's who they are entirely

Yes Nagito is diagnosed with dementia however that isn't who he is entirely

He is a complicated character with a lot of layers

And his illnesses definitely don't make up ALL OF HIS LAYERS AND CHARACTER

.

.

.

[dl4draws]

hi there!

lil' preface so i don't come off as a weirdo: i'm somewhat new to tumblr shenanigans™ so idk if it's just normal that awesome writers and artists share a bit of their progress for creating something, but you're the only blog i've witnessed doing it so you're getting this ask.

i absolutely love it here. getting to listen to (or read about?) someone's projects in the works feels like such an awesome thing! you're sharing this passion of yours with us and letting us experience this joy with you?? you're letting us see little doodles and headcanons and even a playlisy?? OMG

again, idk if that's normal on here but to me (someone who does everything on their own because who would care about my silly little craft?) this is absolute pure generosity and kindness on your part and i will never not praise that. i can't really put into words what i'm trying to say here because as much as i love the english language, it's not my first language and i just don't know how to express this properly. i guess what i want to say is thank you? thank you for all the happiness you share, thank you for letting us come on this journey with you and thank you for talking about your passion. that's a scary thing to do but whenever i see someone doing that i will 100% always sit there and listen to them talk about something they care about a lot (even if i don't understand a single thing about the topic) and try to interact and let them know that someone always cares about their thoughts and projects, even if it's just a stranger on the internet, because i know what it's like to run against a wall of indifference and i don't want anyone to feel like that.

keep talking about things that bring you joy and keep sharing them, someone's always going to support you and cheer you on and get excited with you!

this got a lot longer than i wanted it to be but my point is you're amazing and keep doing what you do, no matter how much you want to share of it or how long it takes! there's always going to be support and someone who appreciates you and your work.

idk if this should be anon or not because i don't want to seem so incredibly weird and out of place with my long stupid ask here-- this feels so uncalled for

take this virtual hug

hi hi hi good morning, I am throwing my reputation away and say I’m about to cry

Okay so I’m answering this bit by bit! I don’t think it’s that rare to see a content creator share stuff about their writing/art! At least with the people I’ve surrounded myself, there’s always sneaky posts here, reblogs with tags and stuff about their characters! It’s always so much fun to see those, see people share little details about their work is always fascinating to me! Personally I adore sharing the process because I am having Too Much fun and being extremely chaotic and I think it’s cool to share me having only half a braincell with you all lol

I’m so glad you like it here in my little corner of tumblr!!! I’m not an oversharer in any aspect of my life usually but with aus i go full beast mode and start talking and good luck shutting me up lmao as of right now I don’t really have time for full drawings (which is exactly why the hanahaki au isn’t already finished). Getting to doodle for this au has helped me with wanting to draw but not being exactly able to, and with getting stuff off my mind! I’m not very forgetful but with ideas I usually think about them, have a Good Laugh tm, proceed to think about it for half an hour and then forget about it, unless I scream about it to someone (or just make a post and announce it to you all).

One thing u might not know about me is that I make playlists for everything. If u go through my spotify playlist you’ll see many playlist, but I have so many secret ones bakshssk making a playlist for an au or for a fic (sometimes I make playlists for fics I read!)

I absolutely adore hearing about everyone’s ideas, like you said, listening to someone talk about something they’re passionate about is always so fascinating!! And it makes me so happy to see that someone trusts me enough to open their mind and share their ideas with me, even if (again like you said) I understand nothing of the topic! Honestly I am extremely thankful for you, and everyone who has ever interacted with me or my silly ideas. It hypes me up so much to see you all liking and sending me stuff about it (every time I get a random ask about something I said, or a headcanon or anything 25 years are added to my life ngl). I never thought people would enjoy my aus, be it the hanahaki one or the street racing one (or the beauty and the beast one!!!) You guys really are amazing!! And I totally get what you mean with running with a wall of indifference, I’ve been there and it’s not fun, but I’ve learned who to share with and who not to share with, and that’s okay (for me). I’m not a very good talker but I’ve been told I’m good listener, so if anyone ever has any problems, anything they’d like to talk about please never hesitate on sending me an ask or a message!! (zukka wingfic anon I’m still thinking about you)

Nooooo, please I didn’t find this weird at all!!!! I actually feel so flattered I haven’t been able to stop smiling :D it makes me so happy to see you enjoy my silly content, and that makes me want to create more of it!!!

I hope you have a wonderful day/night, and know that I’ll be thinking about this all month hakahaksb

[kaptain-k-pop]

The K-List: Day #37

Kaptain K's K-List Pride Event: #11

Buddy

LUCY

Hey look! I'm actually talking about a b-side again <3 today I wanted to go back and pick something from Gatcha! since I ended up going with a ONEWE track back on the actual double comeback day, didn't wanna leave my other beloveds out!

I actually had the opposite problem that I usually have! A lot if the time I'm like 'ooooo! I like this song!' But I don't really know what exactly to say about it to like express in words what I like about it, this time there actually was at least something that I felt like I could say about all the songs on this release (as opposed to, 'I like all of the, but which one do I actually have something to say about'), so trying to pick one was a little hard for that reason, plus I had a lot of thots (tho still not very eloquent and coherent thots...) so this time it was a matter of trying to organize those thoughts and word them properly which was my challenge, as opposed to trying to wrack my brain for things to say

Anyway, here it is 😌:

I am a Strings Loving Bitch so ofc I fell in love with LUCY and ofc I always have to keep my ears open to pick up all the good good violin bits when I listen to their music. I always have to have a listen when I sit and Just Focus on the violin.

And this track of course does not disappoint 😌

(GOD am I bad at using words to describe the things that I mean, but damn I sure am gonna try huh? <3)

The part in the first chorus where Yechan is holding a note and then as it rings it gets really unnatural? Like an alien sound?? (Idfk what I'm talking about. just go with me agdhahs like. 0:22-0:28 (same thing happens at 1:46-1:48)) idk. It sounds cool 🤷 The violin part in the second prechorus when it picks up and helps drive it? <3 the part that supports the bridge(? I think the section I am thinking of is a bridge, but I am also An Idiot <3 so who knows?) <3<3 and the lil extra flavor helping to finish out the last chorus <3<3<3 (ahdkahdj okay. We get it Kjersten, there are multiple violin parts in this song by a band one quarter of which is a violinist)

The part at 0:33 where everything drops out and it's just very minimal drums and bass under Sangyeop's voice? <3<3<3 (as a side note: the bass and drums in general in this song?? Oooooo yummy yummy yummy, Wonsang, Gwangil, u really outdid yourselves kings 😌💗)

The completely unaccompanied "time to wake time to wake me drop(up)"

That, and the distortion on the "U N ME A N D I N U N US W E N I N U N U N ME" section

(Something something about electronic influences and also violin, a classical instrument, both being used in the same songs, something about modern technology and traditional classical sound coming together, new and old, combined on a track. I am not a coherent intellectual person but there is Something to be said here, even if idk how to say it... please chew on this with me..... 👀)

Gwangil's B-section(? Is that what it is?? It's not a bridge because it's Too Early (before the second chorus) and there is Something Else later that I'm pretty sure is the bridge.....is it just part of the second verse?? But it has a completely different melody from the first verse... 🤔 who knows?) It is very pretty! We love tasty bits of Gwangil vocals in this house <3

This song just gets me very hyped up, I love how it builds

In the words of Choi Sangyeop: Oh feel like vibing feel like vibing

!!!!! He's right!!!

The vibes of this song are immaculate <3

Please do yourselves a favor and go check it out, along with the rest of this 'single album' and LUCY's entire discography

As always, ily all 😘

[paradise-creator]

Hi, can I have a BNHA and Haikyuu haven matchup ? I describe myself as much as I can I am a 163 cm INTJ girl with curly and light brown hair, brown eyes , I’m a little fat and I wear glasses I like to listen to nightcore or slowed music. I usually do not care about what people say and I do what I think is right. I am very introverted and I prefer to be myself(ngl sometimes I get annoyed really fast). I can be funny or serious around people and be quiet outside but from the inside I'm very shy and like to read books / manga and watch romance, horror movies and animation, and I usually get emotional watching them. I am a direct person to the people. I prefer to stay home to read comics, sleep, play, rather then go out with people. I like to take care of my appearance and take the time to get ready (I NEVER wear pants so I usually wear shorts or dresses) and people tend to say My personality is really edgy(idk what that means I think they mean I’m a bruh girl?). I’m really tsundere so sometimes some of my friends say that they think I’m emotionless and I never cry but if u look closely i actually do care about people I just show it to them with my little actions bc I’m not really good with words oh and one of my bestfriends always says that “U do not know how to express your feelings properly and people say that you do not know your worth and you hide ur true feelings” oh alsoooo Ive been to a karate and boxing class before but I hate sports that includes running and ummm My fav subject at school is maths but I’m really good with languages too!(I can speak 3 fully language and I can understand Arabic too)and I really like to teach people the studies that they don’t understand

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Hello and Welcome my Starlight!

The Haven box includes:

- Match up

- Sun drop

- Old habits die hard

- A girl like her

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

I'd match you up with

Akaashi Keiji, Fukurodani's setter

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Sun drops

- My plan A was Tokoyami

- My plan B was Iwaizumi

- SO PLAN C IT IS

- I paired you up with Akaashi!

-THIS DYNAMIC IS CUTE

- Akaashi is a very sweet and patient

- Since he deals with Bokuto, he is grateful taht he has an escape (I mean he lives Bokuto but this man needs a break-)

- He could definitely help with anything you need

- SILENT HYPE MAN

- He would also often help you express your emotions

- Expect a whole lot of "Darling" here

- He doesn't mind your Tsundere tendencies

- HE LOVES ALL SIDES OF YOU

- This man treasures you

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Old habits die hard

- He ALWAYS plans a date once every week

- He also bought this reversable mood plushie

- He has notes on you. Don't question why, but he did

- He loves laying his head on your lap and just nap

- He treats you differently compared to others

- He smiles more around you vuae eyou said you loved his smile.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

A girl like her

“Akaashi~ I heard you got yourself a girl,” Bokuto said to his younger friend. “Yes, I do have a girlfriend now. Is that a big of a surprise?” Akaashi said as he looked at Bokuto. “No! No! Just surprised as all,” Bokuto said as he chuckled. “Can I meet her?” He added excitedly. “I’m sure you would get to meet her soon enough. However, be gentle when it does happen. She is quite shy,” The shorter said before they parted ways. And throughout the whole school day, Bokuto and the rest of the volleyball team has been trying to find out who this girl is. They’ve heard a lot about her through Akaashi but they never really met her. And they’ve never seen Akaashi with anyone else. As they continued to stalk Akaashi in their free time, the pretty setter was merely sitting alone at lunch. “Okay, so he declined eating with me to sit alone? Am I annoying him now?” Bokuto sulked. He was then shushed when the team saw a girl walk towards him.

The stone faced he had faltered and a soft smile appeared. “Hey there, Love,” He said as he stood up. “Hello, how are you?” The girl responded. And that was a start of a long conversation. As time passes by, the volleyball team observed the couple. Well, that was until, Bokuto because he is Bokuto. “Hey Hey Hey, Akaashi! There you are,” He said as he walked toward the couple. His other team mates tried to stop him but it had not worked. “Hello Bokuto,” Akaashi said. “Who is this?” Bokuto asked as he gazed at the female beside him. “Bokuto, this is my girlfriend. Babe, this is the man I’ve been talking about,” Akaashi introduced. After the pleasantries and introduction, the three seemed to clicked. Bokuto didn’t feel like a 3rd wheel at all, which was kinda nice.

“Well, I’ll be going! You two enjoy the rest of your break,” Bokuto said before he left. And so the duo were left in a comfortable silence. “Are you okay, darling? If you are uncomfortable I can ask him to lower down the volume?” Akaashi asked. The curly haired female chuckled and shook her head. “No! No it’s fine, I don’t mind his energy,” She responded as she smiled. “That’s good then. You’ll see him a lot more,” The taller male then said as he kissed her forehead. “What did I do to deserve a girl like you?” He asked as he placed his head on her shoulder. “It just seems so surreal,” He added as he smiled. “You deserve the world, I should be asking that instead of you,” The female responded. “Then we deserve each other, because you are my world and I am yours. I think that’s how it goes,” Akaashi said. He then kissed her flustered cheek and smiled. Oh how he loved this girl, and he wouldn’t give her away nor hurt her. He just fallen in love all over again.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Author's note

I'm so sorry for taking so long! School has been hectic--But I hope you like this matchup!!

[cirrus-lily]

my first listen of resonance pt. 1!

i wanted to start doing these since i’m very interested in music and stuff and i wanna learn how to properly express musical things etc. etc. so yea!! feel free to ignore and these are just my opinions, so pls don’t come @ me thanks :)

track 1: make a wish (birthday song) - nct u (ft. taeyong, doyoung, jaehyun, lucas, xiaojun, jaemin, shotaro)

i actually really liked this, if we’re talking purely about the music (the mv is another thing....i won’t talk about that). the music was interesting all the way through and was full of unexpected twists. all the members did so well!!! but the members that really stood out to me in the mv and also just listening to the song were jaemin and xiaojun! they did so well and they nailed their parts so well!!! there’s just something very satisfying about jaemin’s rap in this song, and all of xiaojun’s parts suited him really well and it was nice to see him sing in a style that was different to the typical wayv style. also rapper jaehyun!!! his parts suited him so well and i’m so happy we got to see him do a rap-esque part hehe :) the only part i probably didn’t like was the part where there was that time-warp effect before the final chorus like that felt so out of place ... why is it there?? also where’s shotaro tho?? like i didn’t even hear him,,, if you’re gonna add a new member at least use him sm :/ | okay so i just watched the line distribution and jaemin has so little lines :((( shotaro doesn’t have many solo parts but has a lot of adlibs and honestly? good for him!! it’s really good for a debut!! doyong and lucas should’ve had more lines too :/ anyways overall i really love this song and i’m so excited to see the stages!!!

track 2: misfit - nct u (ft. johnny, taeyong, mark, hendery, jeno, yangyang, sungchan)

this is legit my favourite song so far it’s incredible!! when the song started i just started full-on vibing!! this song is so fun and has so much energy and i had no expectations at first but the track video blew me away, which made me so excited to hear the full song, and it did not disappoint :) everyone in this song SLAYED. i have nothing else to say except that because the raps were fire and each member pulled their verse off so well it continued to make me smile line after line after line. for sungchan’s debut, it was incredible to hear him spit fire like that and i am so excited to see how he grows as a rapper if he’s already this good at debut oh gosh. but my favourite part has to be mark’s second verse where the music cuts out and he keeps going and his rhythm actually speeds up once the music cuts. that blew my mind in the track video and still has the same effect on me listening to it again. the genius of cutting out the music is incredible and it adds so much not just to the rap but to the song overall. my only complaint for this song is that johnny got like...4 lines. cmon sm please give him lines he’s more than just a visual!! overall this song is something i really enjoyed and something that the members pulled off so well even though it’s so different and unexpected from nct :)

track 3: volcano - nct u (ft. taeyong, doyoung, jaehyun, winwin, jungwoo, lucas, mark) (aka nct 2018 boss unit)

what is going on in this song......at the beginning it gave me similar vibes to limitless but as i listened to more of the song, it kinda fell apart for me ;-; like the vocal parts were really good (jaehyun high note!!) and the rap parts were really good but they didn’t flow together as well as they should have, and it ended up feeling as if i was listening to the rap of one song and the vocals of another song :/ also where are sicheng’s parts?? i thought i just didn’t hear him but when i went to check all he has is like...2-3 adlibs?? why is he even in the song then it doesn’t even have choreo?? feels like boss all over again rip sicheng :’( 

track 4: light bulb - nct u (ft. taeyong, kun, doyoung, and sungchan)

wow this song...i was very fascinated by the member lineup at first, and then i heard the song and it all makes sense :) everything melds so well together, with ty and sungchan’s rapping pairing perfectly with kun and dy’s vocals, and there are kinda ‘pairs’? like ty and dy and sungchan and kun,, and their voices compliment each other so well aaaaaaa. the only part i felt weird about was the start when ty was rapping over the piano...the rhythm clashed a little but as the song went on it resolved itself thankfully. the vibes reminded me of yestoday and it’s a very different mood from the first 3 songs on the album so i’m kinda confused as to why they’ve put it as track 4 but oh well. sungchan showcased a different side of his rapping here and he’s really beginning to show himself as a very well rounded rapper so i’m actually super impressed but as expected from nct :) my favourite thing about this song has to be kun’s vocals tho. the first time you hear him in the song is when he harmonises with doyong and i tell you the way i Lost It. and every time he sang as sungchan rapped it blew my mind. and doyong and kun’s harmonies,,,, chef’s kiss. can you tell i really love this song aaaaaa okay end of ramble. i think overall i just really appreciate the change in pace of the album since the first 3 were very hype lol.

track 5: dancing in the rain - nct u (ft. taeil, johnny, yuta, kun, jaehyun, jungwoo, xiaojun, chenle)

ok this song blew my mind 🤯 firstly, can we talk about jaehyun and johnny rapping??????? i’m so happy that we got to hear them rap!! it was so beautiful :’) secondly, vocal kings!!! chenle high note!!  their voices sound so beautiful together and i’m so happy we got that in this song!! the vibes are also so pretty?? like a lofi jazzy vibe and honestly it feels like singin’ in the rain modern version and i am living :) the only minor issue i have is that because there are so many vocalists in the unit, some of them had really few lines :/ but i think they needed more people to create that effect in the chorus of a lot of people harmonising together, so we gain some we lose some i guess,, but wow i love this song so much can someone write a fic or make an mv based on this song pleaseeeeeeee i would love to see it :’) p.s. i listened to this song twice once on spotify and once on colour-coded lyrics (just to see who sang what) and the more i listen to it the more i love this song aaaaaaaaaa :)

track 6: interlude: past to present

ok this was interesting...i was so confused about the first part cos i couldn’t make sense of what was being narrated, but the second part is another story,,, it’s chock full of references - like there’s that one sound (idk how to describe it) but it’s in both the awaken the world interlude and the neo zone interlude, and the part after that is reminiscent of the punch intro thing...which is why it’s so interesting,,, would the theorists like to have a go? but honestly it was very interesting musically and very nct lmao...i have nothing left to say lol that’s it.

track 7: déjà vu - nct dream (OT7)

wow the vibes on this song are so fun!! this song really suits dream and i think it’s a fitting return for ot7 :) it’s got the playfulness of we go up with a bit more maturity which is very representative of dream’s current phase where they’re growing up but they’re still kids hehe :) i will complain about the line distribution again except everyone’s probably sick of hearing about it lol...but mark has a lot of lines and jeno and jaemin don’t sigh. the line distribution for the vocalists was really quite fair tho :) also renjun bridge!!!! it was so good!!! and haechan intro!!!! wow i love this song so much heh but my favourite part has to be the bgm,, like the dang dang sound that was in the bgm for the entire track really helps to push the song forward and adds a spring to the song that really makes it more playful and fun!! i’m super impressed by this as well since the track video didn’t make me that excited but now i really like it so i think this song was so fun :)

track 8: nectar - wayv (OT7)

let’s formally welcome nectar to the list of nct’s hoe anthems 😌 okay but that aside, i quite liked the song!! the intro was weird but once you get into the song it’s pretty okay!! it’s also slightly different from the wayv sound we’re used to but the members pulled it off well!! i love the bgm too hehe :) ten and sicheng!! i can finally hear them!! and it was so nice to hear them both sing aaaa. also wayv’s vocal line continue to astonish me...that’s the highest i’ve heard kun and dejun sing and it sound so good!!! the rap was fire too and lucas, yangyang and hendery have done it again, they sound so swag which really fits the vibe of the song!! i also love how most of the song is pretty low and starts pretty low but the vocals are such a complete contrast cos they’re so high and that really adds to the song!! i’m so wayv biased but i genuinely really do like this song and ‘gimme that nectar’ will be stuck in my head for the next 24 hours :/

track 9: music, dance - nct 127 (OT9)

this track is so hype 😳 and i enjoyed that so much!! what stood out to me more than anything else in this song was the bgm, and i love how they cut the music, yell “drop that beat!” and then the beat actually drops 🤯 also the bridge,,, a masterpiece...i thought we were gonna get a solid high note and the airy high note comes from nowhere and suddenly i’m so stunned 😳 also this album really is the return of rapper jaehyun huh :) it’s so nice to hear him rap again :) and this song is really satisfying in so many ways, like the rhythm is really good and the bass hits deep and the dance break music thing was so well timed and so well produced and oooooooh i like this track more than i expected :)) oh and ‘music, dance’ will be stuck in my head for the next 24 hours with ‘gimme that nectar’ :/

track 10: faded in my last song - nct u (ft. taeil, johnny, yuta, ten, lucas, renjun, haechan, jisung)

the way i was trying not to SCREAM throughout this song :’) IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL AAAAAA i mean it in the best way possible when i say this could be an ost it’s so beautiful :’) the VOCALS i nearly lost it when ten sang the pre chorus then nearly lost it when renjun sang the second pre chorus and then almost completely lost it during the bridge (especially cos haechan and taeil) holy moly that was a journey :’) also johnny and yuta’s rap style and lucas’ lower tone really fit so well with the song, like it didn’t take away from the sad vibes of the song but it added to the mellowness of the overall song. and can we just take a moment to talk about park jisung’s rap??? it was so short but he nailed it!!!! this entire song was a masterpiece because all their voices fit perfectly together and complement each other so well it just makes this song shine in a different way??? i have so many things that i wanna say about this song but i’m internally screaming so i’m basically incoherent lol. one thing i will say though is the bgm is so pretty and the piano is so nice :’) (also p.s. idk why but this song lowkey gives me got7 vibes but in the best way possible)

track 11: from home - nct u (ft. taeil, yuta, kun, doyoung, renjun, haechan, chenle)

i’m crying........i’m actually crying.....can they not come for me like this..........this song is so beautiful o m g :”) hearing them sing in their native languages about home is so moving?? like it hits a spot and suddenly my eyes are sweating :”) and the way that the transition from one language to another is so smooth and seamless?? like renjun and chenle are singing in chinese and suddenly yuta pops in with a line of japanese and i completely lost it lmaoooooo. and the way they all come together in the bridge is so beautiful, and taeil’s high note after!!!! and the bgm of this song suited it so well, it allowed you to focus on the vocals and still adds to the overall mood and atmosphere of the song, plus at the start it’s a bit muffled out as if it’s being played on an old record and then it becomes unmuffled and the sound is so bright :) and the way that this song sounds a little bittersweet?? i swear when the mv comes out and when i read the translations i will cry even more i’m not even ready and we still have a week to go. this was the song i was looking forward to most and honestly? it didn’t disappoint at all :)

track 12: from home | korean version - nct u (ft. taeil, yuta, kun, doyoung, renjun, haechan, chenle)

it’s just as beautiful, but with less tears lol :) there isn’t really much to say, it still flows just as well in korean as it did in 3 languages, so i think sm just wanted there to be a version that was completely in korean since nct are a korean group lol.

track 13: make a wish (birthday song) | english version - nct u (ft. taeyong, doyoung, jaehyun, lucas, xiaojun, jaemin, shotaro)

well this is interesting....the english version of the song sounds a bit like a hoe anthem (only a bit!!!) so i’m curious about the lyrics to the korean version o_O also i find it a little strange how they say ‘i can do this all day’ in the korean version but say ‘i can do this all night’ in the english version,,, like what’s the difference?? i literally don’t know why they did that but oh well :) still a great song hehe :)

overall, it’s a really interesting album!! it’s a little different from what i expected, but i still really love it!! i think the songs will grow onto me more as i listen to the album more, so yea :))

[kitsune-og]

5, 8, 25, 26, 34, 57, 58, 74, 89, 95, 111, 117, 141 - connor, maxy, preston (lol enjoy)

Ye Olde Muse asks

OC: Connor Walsh

5. Tell me about your first kiss? Back when I was in Junior High, some girl was trying to steal the last chocolate milk. I knew she had a crush on me, so I went up to her, grabbed and kissed her, then stole the milk and pushed her over.

8. Do you think you’re attractive? Bitch please, of course I am. Have you seen me?

25. What do you like most about yourself? Apart from my impressive metabolism, I like my drive. I work hard towards the things that I want and I always get them.

26. What do you like least about yourself? It’s a bit of a stretch, but I hate the way I was raised. I don’t want to go into details, but my parents are shit.

34. Do you love or hate being alone? I prefer being alone, but I still like company. Having a sibling in my house has actually turned out to be pleasant.

57. What’s your morning or nightly routine? Hmm, my morning routine is getting up at 6am, having coffee and breakfast, hitting the gym by 7 and then heading to university. I don’t really have a night routine.

58. What’s your favorite genre of music? If you were to make someone a playlist that just gets you, name of songs that would be on it. I don’t have a favourite genre, but upbeat songs over 130bpm are good. My playlist would be full of workout jams and some old school rock; How You Like That - Blackpink, Stupid Love - Lady Gaga, Helena - MCR, Cherry Pie - Warrant, Poison - Alice Cooper.

74. Any kinks? Plenty. You could say I’m well versed in the kink scene.

89. What does your room look like? Pretty standard, I guess? King sized bed, guitar in the corner, overflowing drawers, TV, bookshelves stuffed with random crap. Need to get a new rug though, and more pillows.

95. What’s your strangest hobby, if you have one? That’s for me and Lissa to know.

111. What is your favorite childhood story of yourself? The time I tried to jump of my friend’s roof is pretty hilarious. His bedroom was on the second floor and you could climb out the window and chill on the roof, right above the pool. One night, hyped up on sugar and Coke, we decided to jump off the roof into the pool. I went first, landed perfectly in the deep end, managed not to break anything. He pussied out and I got my revenge by shoving him off the roof. He broke his arm.

117. What is your favorite form of self expression? I love tattoos. I have several and plans for many more.

141. Describe yourself in 6 words? Chaotic, handsome, rich, ripped, sex god. 

OC: Maxy Sanchez

5. Tell me about your first kiss? Uh, my ex girlfriend Misa was my first kiss. It was really nice.

8. Do you think you’re attractive? Not really, but I’m not ugly. I’m like average.

25. What do you like most about yourself? I dunno, I guess I’m funny? My partners seem to think so.

26. What do you like least about yourself? My stupid, depressed brain. 

34. Do you love or hate being alone? I hate being alone, but I don’t really have to worry about that any more, due to living with Cora.

57. What’s your morning or nightly routine? I don’t really have a routine, I just roll out of bed, have breakfast, live my life and then flop into bed at night.

58. What’s your favorite genre of music? If you were to make someone a playlist that just gets you, name of songs that would be on it. I love chill music! My playlist would be full of like Radiohead, Muse, BTS, Conan Gray, Dodie and Niall Horan. 

74. Any kinks? Um, haha, yeah? I have some... Nate and Cora know them. I’m a bottom.

89. What does your room look like? It’s full of yellow and white furniture. Cora helped me add a chalkboard wall and we drew some sunflowers in one corner. Nate says my room is soft like me. I have some of his and Cora’s artwork on the walls and a bookshelf crammed full of books to read. My bed is really soft and I have piles of fluffy blankets and cushions and stuffed animals.

95. What’s your strangest hobby, if you have one? I dunno if it’s a hobby, but I kinda collect sunflower things. Anything cute with sunflowers I always wanna buy. I have a cushion, a bunch of fake sunflowers, artwork, some yellow makeup that Cora got for me that has sunflowers on it, tops, hoodies, all sorts.

111. What is your favorite childhood story of yourself? It was kind of funny when I found out that I was really badly allergic to bees. My mom took me to this flower park when I was ten and I was running around the flowers, and then all of a sudden I saw this bee hive. So I go up to it and this bee comes flying right at me, but I thought bees were cool so I just held out a flower and tried to get it to land on me. The bee comes over to my flower and then suddenly a bunch of bees are surrounding me and rubbing on me and I started getting really itchy. And then when I dropped the flower to itch my hand, I must have upset a bee because it stung me. And immediately, I just started having this really bad reaction and I was covered in hives and my face got really swollen and I couldn’t breathe properly. Luckily, my mom carries epipens because she’s allergic to almonds so I didn’t die. But since then, I’ve hated bees.

117. What is your favorite form of self expression? I love singing! I sing in the shower, when I’m tidying the house, when I’m working on uni work and I drag Cora and Nate to karaoke all the time. Cora likes to sing BTS with me and she showed me the DRR machines that have kpop.

141. Describe yourself in 6 words? Depressapuff! It’s the word I came up with for myself because I’m a depressed Hufflepuff. (I know it’s not 6 words but idk what else).

OC: Preston Haynes

5. Tell me about your first kiss? God, I hardly remember it. It was with some girl way back when, she was a terrible kisser and her lips were covered in sticky gloss.

8. Do you think you’re attractive? Yes, why wouldn’t I? I own a mirror.

25. What do you like most about yourself? I like the body I was given. It’s very well toned, attractive, slim without being too lanky. 

26. What do you like least about yourself? Hm. Nothing.

34. Do you love or hate being alone? I like being alone, but I also crave affection and sex. Honestly, I’m happy either way.

57. What’s your morning or nightly routine? I don’t really have any. In the morning, I get up and have coffee, go work out, shower, come home for breakfast, have more coffee and then continue with my day. At night, I wash my face, occasionally get in a second work out and shower, and go to bed.

58. What’s your favorite genre of music? If you were to make someone a playlist that just gets you, name of songs that would be on it. Classic rock and songs to have sex to. My playlist would have songs like Back In Black - AC/DC, Under the Graveyard - Ozzy Osbourne, Enter Sandman - Metallica, Walk This Way - Aerosmith, Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon, Side to Side - Ariana Grande, Freak - Doja Cat, S&M - Rihanna.

74. Any kinks? Almost all of them. I’m a very well rounded kinkster.

89. What does your room look like? It’s currently a bit of a mess as I’ve just moved. But it has some artwork on the walls, black matching furniture, 45″ TV, a display of my favourite whips and crops, and a floor length mirror. 

95. What’s your strangest hobby, if you have one? A lot of my hobbies are considered strange. But perhaps the strangest one is collecting sex toys to display.

111. What is your favorite childhood story of yourself? I don’t remember much of my childhood.

117. What is your favorite form of self expression? Tattoos and/or piercings. 

141. Describe yourself in 6 words?  Attractive, deathly and better than you.

[sumeshi-t]

when to shutcho bitchass up.

so i had this long ass reply as i was about to reblog a haikyuu writer’s response to a hate ask but i had to eat lunch, and my wifi’s acting up so it all got deleted. but anyway, after lurking in the shadows for god knows how long, i decided to speak up about this on-going issue of hate being poorly masked as “constructive criticism”. 

it doesn’t just happen on haikyuu blogs, like, every fandom has it. and it saddens me because i’ve seen the greatest blogs out here just vanish into thin air (or has gone on hiatus and never returned/archived the blog/deactivated) for getting hate that they absolutely do not deserve. nobody does. nobody needs that hate; not now not ever. most often than not, there are people who hide behind the anon feature in asks. but i guess some people lately have now learned how to own up to their own mistakes; and yes, everyone’s opinion is valid, is welcome to be entertained; however the way you word these things out also matters. it’s just like when someone writes something, you know? why do you get to complain, “your writing suckxz” when you can’t even write down why you think so? lol gtfo. people can interpret your words in however way they want, and that’s the one thing you cannot control. so at least, when you attempt to apologize for something you “didn’t mean to” or “was just a joke”, at least make it sound like you mean it. if you want your opinion to be taken seriously, learn how to say it with manners.

anyway, this post will be terribly long, probably longer than the shit i’ve ever written anywhere lmao. some of the things i’ll say here might come off as redundant but because the same thing happens over and over again, what else would you expect?

Exhibit A: “constructive criticism” does not mean, or shall never be equated to “hate”

if you go around tumblr, there are tons of posts which educate people how to properly write a critique, how to decently and reasonably critic someone’s work, whether it be in the form of writing, or digital art, etc. even if you type “constructive criticism” on that google search bar, tons of websites are going to tell you how to do it, so it really is unacceptable to use “it’s constructive criticism” as an excuse when all you’ve said is “your writing sucks”. literally, how can “constructive criticism” go from “you’re not even a good writer, why the hype?” to “you’re too positive, too fake, if you’re sad, show that you’re sad.” that ain’t it chief. constructive criticism is given to the works of a content creator, not directed at the content creator itself.

ever heard of the sandwich method? yeah, yummy and easy, right? basically it means, you start it off with the positive things about the content creator, then the negative ones in the middle, then reinforce them at the end. okay, i’ll repeat that here, let me break it down if that isn’t enough for cute little noggins to understand:

tell the content creator what made you hooked on their works in the first place. what made you indulge in all that deliciously free content, that has brought you to tears, to laughs, to orgasm. you don’t necessarily have to praise them, but acknowledge that you’re aware of what they’re doing and how it is, or how their progress is so far.

now here comes the critique part. this where the “however” and the “but” words come in, to transition from (for example) “your way with words is breathtaking” to “sometimes i feel they’re too much to digest all at once”. get it? pinpoint to the content creator just exactly what aspects in their current state do you wish they could improve on, or areas do you think they are lacking or weak, so to speak. be concise, be comprehensive, be nice.

lastly, my favorite part, is you give them tips or advice or just a fucking hint how you think they can achieve the things you said from #2. even if you know or assume that they’d understand your point, or “it’s their job to find it out by themselves”... well, a little input or jumpstart wouldn’t hurt, would it? so from the example, “your way with words is breathtaking” to “(however) sometimes i feel they’re too much to digest all at once” you end it with a, “i think or why don’t you try doing so, and this, and that,”

lemme go back to the “it’s their job to find it out by themselves” aha, news flash honey: this isn’t their job. it’s their way of enjoyment, their leisure, their free time that they use up just to bring out free content for lots of people like you to indulge in. most people come here, or on ao3, or basically anywhere where you can post your work, just for fun. you cannot be demanding, that’s why they have their rules and all, but i digress. content creators feed on feedback, and feedback alone. i hope you have an idea how something as simple as “asdflkjshdls” in the tags can bring a phat smile to a content creator’s face, what more, if it’s something coherent. just fucking keyboard smash is a boost to their confidence (trust me, it’s very fun knowing that how “asdfgjkl” i was when writing something, is the same as the “asdfgjkl” the readers had when reading)

this sandwich method thing doesn’t only apply to this certain situation. in fact, this is an effective means of communicating your point across to people in school, at work, and even in the comforts of your home. right? 

didn’t you feel bad when your teacher returned your paper to you and just said, “i gave you that grade just because” and nothing more? or when that classmate of yours said, “no, i don’t like this idea. think up of something else” for a project? didn’t you ever question them, “why, and on what basis?” 

how about, when your boss returned your report, only saying, “revise this” but what is “this”? sure, there are bosses who do this to try to teach their employees to find things out and find solutions on their own, but you cannot deny that some are just being disgustingly rude about it. 

how about at home you say? well... remember that time when your parents compared you to their friends’ children, or even compared you among your own siblings? or that time you were lashed out on? actually, you know, what, i’m sorry for bringing this up, as light as this was worded out, some people might get triggered simply from those two phrases i put out. however, i will address this issue next.

Exhibit B: you don’t know the people you are talking to, therefore you do not know what they are going through

you can’t say, “oh, you’re all just so sensitive” or “it’s just an opinion” when clearly, this (tw: depression, suicide, family issues, gender and sexuality, body positivity, etc) topics is/are sensitive to most content creators, to most people. some brush it off fine, and take a while to reach their boiling point, but not everyone’s like that. you can’t tell people how they should react to your random spewing of hate. each person has their own level of tolerance, so don’t go off and assume that everybody online is the same and grew from the same fucking tree. 

some or most people use writing/drawing/etc. as a means to cope with what shit life has thrown at them; and then you, being so stupidly ignorant, just waltz in and drop that bomb on what possibly, could be the only ray of sunlight they have in their life, especially now in this bleak year. 

receiving anon-hate or hate-asks should not be the norm. it is not and never will be okay. i thought you were here to critic their work, why even joke about something that could have been personal to someone? why even joke about these kinds of things in the first place? why even bring up something that might have been a personal issue when all you had to do was critic their work? 

my god, stop acting like a boomer already. tbh the audacity of some people here, idk. if you’re not going through anything at all, then may god/brahma/allah/whichever supreme being you believe in or whatever good karma it is, bless you. 

it’s not that one should sympathize, or, it isn’t also expected of people to full on empathize, but a little respect goes a long way. why don’t we try to put ourselves in the shoes of the person we’re about to send that hate-ask to. if not us, how about that close friend who’s easy to bring to tears, or mom, or cousin? wouldn’t it be aggravating? wouldn’t it be painful?

well... who am i to assume, i don’t even know you. get it?

just please, acknowledge that everyone here is human. they have emotions, they have their own thoughts, they have their own lives outside of the screen. how they choose to portray themselves here has nothing to do with you. how they choose to react to that hate ask doesn’t have to do with anything you should concern yourself with. 

LET PEOPLE ENJOY THINGS. LET PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIFE THEIR OWN WAY, both virtual and in reality. 

i know this post won’t get too far, but i have had enough of seeing the nicest people, who just wanted to express their creativity and share the happiness and the fun, be put down just because of unnecessary hate. i hope those people who send those in never get to experience that, or if they have, i hope they understand that doing so to others isn’t going to change anything about themselves.

[lightsintheskye]

Are you ok?? You haven’t posted in almost a month and I’m just making sure. I love you and your art a lot and miss seeing your comics and personal posts on my dash. I hope everything’s ok and thanks for keeping anon on and always being an inspiration to me, even if I can’t muster it up to say it in person.

Anon this is very, very kind of you to say. I really appreciate this, and I hope you don’t mind me being honest as I can with an explanation since I’m trying really hard to get back into running this blog- I don’t plan to abandon this blog any time soon if that’s what worries you.

I’m fact, I have not only one- but six comic ideas waiting for zelda and the link and the links au alone, since I have a vested amount of people still sending me Asks on the daily about it- maybe even creating a zine specifically dedicated to the au. I also have some comics for Devil May Cry, MHA, and, Smash Ultimate, and Voltron sitting in my drafts just waiting to be inked and properly drawn out but my issue right now is TIME and motivation.

I know this response will probably be a little bit long, so I don’t blame anyone for ignoring it- or if people unfollow me because it’s not hur hur funnee picture. Follower count has never really mattered to me nor will it ever. I’m just here to express my passion for video games and the series that I love.

I’ll be real with you and everyone- I try to keep an upbeat and hyped as shit attitude 90% of the time because god knows this world needs positivity more than ever now. It’s almost a fake it to make it attitude, but I am truly excited for all the video games and shows I devote fan art and comics to.

Recently life has just been very, very hard for me. This month alone my car broke, my router and modem broke, my computer almost broke-our house was cramped, one of our cats had worms- and my vacation to finally see my family was cancelled. Ive shelled out all my savings, and it’s cost me over a grand to fix it all and that’s not even counting my monthly bills. If it weren’t for the absolute kindness of my commissioners, especially @pocketseizure and @lettersfromfallenlondon who are literally angels among angels, I don’t even know what I would do this month.

On top of that, my work load has gone from something like 30hrs between school prep, work, and commissions to about 70-90 and it’s very very hard to make time for comics.

And because life just wants to needle in the point that times are hard, every August without fail my depression skyrockets regardless of what meds I take. I don’t talk much about my major depression that I have, nor my anxiety because I don’t like adding onto others stress- it’s already a lot for me to talk about it as I am now. I pride myself for being able to deal with my own drops in stability quite well but there’s times I’m so thankful to @mxrainbownoodle for being there to hear my pain and, and I give them the same respect back. Unfortunately, beyond them it’s incredibly hard for me to be more open and personal about my life because I’ve been used and abused by a staggering number of people around me- especially as an emotional dumping ground. It’s a very major reason why I don’t open up to anyone, because I NEVER want to have someone go through the experiences of emotional abuse and forced negativity I have. With Shani it’s an equal exchange of give and take and support, but I can’t seem to bring myself to be open with others the same way without feeling as if I’m dumping on them- or they are dumping on me. Many, many people don’t realize how just dumping their emotions out of the blue on someone can in turn hurt their friends- I understand it’s a cry for help, and that at times there’s seemingly nothing you can do to help yourself, but not apologizing after the fact- or being a repeat offender of it, or even offhandedly mentioning incredibly triggering things to someone because you feel it’s justified to joke or meme about something you experienced can really, really fuck up the person your talking to. Especially if you haven’t warned them or asked them if it’s ok. This isn’t a personal jab to anyone around me, this isn’t singling out anyone either- but if for some reason you feel these words strike a cord with you, why not reach out to the person you’re worried might feel this way about you- and tell them how much you appreciate having them as a friend and offering to help them in any way you can handle- do not offer everything when you can’t, but giving that little bit of love goes a long way and it never hurts to remind your friends and loved ones they matter.

Aside from that, my work load is honestly making having a social life in any capacity impossible, and my internet being out for almost a week hasn’t helped either. I’ve been so busy I haven’t even been able to reply to emails, anons, tumblr messages or anything for weeks aside from short answers. My discord has messages piled up to an alarming degree, and my phone is a string of unanswered texts that I’m still trying to get through but it’s tough since AGAIN a lot of these messages are people either complaining or asking something of me. For my own personal health I can’t look at a lot of them- I literally eat, work, commission work, and sleep with little to show for it and barely any energy left to even relax. I know eventually things will go back to letting me have fun and my meds will work again but idk when that will be;;

TDLR; I love you too anon I’m just trapped with a front row seat on the struggle bus, and the driver keeps missing my stop. But if it doesn’t stop in the next few weeks I’m probably gonna just crash through one of the windows and do a really shitty barrel roll, dust myself off and find the stop on my own.

[voltron-queen-140]

We'll. With season 7 finished, I'm going to give a review in as much detail as I can in case anyone wants to hear my opinion.

I'm going to try my hardest to be respectful when I talk about this season so please hear me out before you yell at me, and if you disagree please be respectful in explaining why. I am open to debate but not an argument or aggression.

First off, I would like to commend this season for actually making me tear up or scream into a pillow once again. Lance's reunion with his family? Sobbing. The "the Paladins are dead" fake-out? I genuinely fell for it. Thinking it was a way to bump off the old Paladins and replace them, perhaps with the MFEs. It would make sence, you have the smart one, the reckless one, the leader, and the other guy who's personality I just don't get. Combine that with Veronica and you suddenly have 5 capable pilots. Just something to think about.

Now. On to the rest of my opinion. There are a mix of good and bad points in this so please bare with me, I'm not full of hate for this season.

I'm am, however, angry about the "idk how it happened don't question it" excuse about the Atlas, but, it might be addressed in season 8, so we'll pop that to the side and hope for the best.

Secondly, everything seemed... rushed and unexplained. With the entire season. They had 13 episodes to play with but they still treated it like two half seasons (note the 2 part episode in the middle of the season and the resolute ending for the second of those two episodes) Of course this may have been because it was planned to be a half season but their scheduling was messed around. In which case, I get it, but they've had half seasons before and they executed them much better. I feel like this may have been down to the fact that they realised they were running out of episodes to complete everything they were hoping to get in. I'm hoping season 8 feels a little less rushed and a little more fleshed out.

Colleen Holt is a badass, let me just throw that out there. Can we all agree that the Holt family is a family of badass super geniuses? Because they are. As a side note, has Sam Holt's voice actor changed? Genuine question. He sounds like Bing Bong from Inside Out and the entire time I was struggling to take him seriously.

The Feud? Seemed forced. "We have to have a chill episode! Quick, throw out ideas!" "An all knowing being drags the Paladins into a game show!" "Great! Let's do it!" I thought it was going to be a "hey universe, we're not dead!" Publicity stunt, but no, they made it weird. And they called Lance "the dumb one" lol no thanks. But, we got to see Pidge be a badass, Keith be an artist, Family Drama from the Zarkon family, and there is enough shipping fuel for Keith x Allura, Lance x Keith and Pidge x Hunk to keep them all floating for a while.

Now, onto shipping stuff. I'm not an anti so please don't expect my opinions to be showing hate to any ship, I'm simply going to express my opinion in a polite a way as possible. If you're an anti or you're looking to stir up shit, go ahead and block me right now. I don't want to be seeing any of your content and you'd be doing me a favour.

Anyway; no hate directed at Allurance shippers, or the ship itself, you guys are great and the ship has potential to be to, but in my personal opinion the emotions from Allura are coming out of nowhere. Feel free to provide evidence on why that is not the case by the way, so long as you are respectful. But personally, it feels like her feelings sprouted pretty much from nothing since Lotor left. I'm also not the biggest fan of the "if you pester the person enough they'll come around" trope so perhaps I'm looking at it from that angle so not seeing it for what it is.

Introducing Adam and having the fandom hype over him before promptly killing him off? Dick move Voltron. Dick move. But, at least there is LGBTQ+ rep right? That's something guys!

Keith and Acxa (or however it's spelled)?? I'm??? I don't personally see it, maybe because they've only interacted a handful of times and most of them were during a fight? I'm not sure. But personally, I'm not a fan. I don't understand where her feelings came from, I always saw her actions as a "a life for a life" kind of thing, but hey, what do I know. The show writers probably have stuff planned that may change my mind of the ship.

Punk? Well, I'm not sure what Bex was talking about with all this:

Because the only shipping fule I'm seeing is from The Feud. Maybe season 8 will bring surprises!

Laith? Sorry guys, I'm a Laith shipper, but, it's dead in canon. The Feud gave us content and we had a couple of moments but it seems like Allurance and Keith x Acxa are the ships they're going with. But that's okay! Show respect to those ships and don't start wars over it! We still have fanfictions and fanart!

The same goes for Sheith shippers! If they do go for Keith and Acxa then you guys can still keep shipping Sheith! Go for gold! Keep your heads up and don't lose hope!

Hunay? Living for it! We had barely any interaction but we got a cute reunion so I'M LIVING! We better see more of Shay in season 8!

Ezor x Zethrid? YES PLEASE!!

Okay, it's safe to start reading again if you wanted to skip over the shippy part!

We got Matt! Well, 30 seconds or so of him, but we got him!

Which brings me to the thing that is really rubbing me the wrong way. The time skip. I'm sorry? What? Was that properly addressed? Like at all? We got a rushed explanation that frankly was more of a "this happened, get over it" kind of thing but other then that? We didn't really hear from it again? Other then Lance's family saying "you're the same" it wasn't really... fleshed out as well as it could have been. I'm still hazy on how it happened but hey ho, maybe if I rewatch the season I'll understand better.

Did anyone else call that Veronica was Lance's sister before it was announced?

James Griffin. James blooming Griffin. His character was not well introduced in my eyes. One second he's glaring at Keith and yelling that Voltron doesn't understand the chain of command or whatever, the next he's helping those very people disobey orders. The very thing he was telling them not to do! Was his reasoning behind that explained? Like? At all? Was it just because he didn’t want to see them get hurt?

Seriously, did anyone else get fooled by the “the paladins are dead” thing or was that just me? I wasn’t fooled at first but the more Shiro went on the more I was like “Uh... is this for real now?”

How in Alfor’s name did Shiro survive that crash on the galra ship?! HOW?! I NEED ACTUAL ANSWERS! He was outside the ship, he should have burned up! At the very least the impact would have killed him surely! HE WAS OUTSIDE OF THE SHIP!

We didn’t see a Hunk family reunion, which is actually upsetting, but at least we know more about his past.

“I was trying to save earth” -_- of course you were Admiral Sanda. But that was a super naive move. Like. Really. How on earth (insert drum and cymbal sounds here) did you think that would work? “Lets ignore all the info we got from the people who have been fighting this war on the front lines and go with a plan that I, the person who has only heard about this second hand, have come up with. That will work.”

I’m not hating Iverson anymore so THAT’S SOMETHING!

Romelle is such a relatable character.

COSMO I WAS HOPING THAT WAS HIS NAME!

Coran Coran the gorgeous man doesn’t get enough credit.

Was I the only one that forgot Allura wore a crown and wondered what the hell the thing that dropped to the floor was until I saw her put the gem in Shiro’s arm?

Shiro’s new arm? Awesome! I seriously love it! And the fight with Sendek? I live for it!

Kroila in season 5: I’ll never leave you again.

Kroila now: I’m sorry I have to go.

I’ll just leave that there. I get why she left, she wanted to find and fix the blade and all, but like? That probably hurt Keith a heck of a lot.

I felt like there were less edge-of-your-seat moments this season though, it felt a lot like “oh okay, so they got hit by a ray that kills planets and survived? Okay then, they can survive anything now.” and that sort of stopped me feeling worried about them for the rest of the season, right up until the memorial part.

I really feel like Hunk’s daydream about passing on the yellow lion is foreshadowing. Be it at the start of next season, be it at the end or be it a spin off series, I really feel like the lions are going to get passed to the MFEs. They have the personalities for it. The smart one (Leifsdottir) in green, the reckless girl (Rizavi) in red, the silent one (Kinkade) in yellow, the leader (James) in black and Veronica in blue. It would fit.

The animation quality was amazing though and I’m seriously loving where the plot is heading! I’m just hoping that this will come to a satisfying close in season 8 because I feel like there is a lot for them to do in just 13 more episodes.

All in all I personally didn’t find this season to be the best season, that’s still season 6 hands down, but it was a solid season plot line wise. I like where we ended up. I’m not 100% sure I like how we got there, with all the questions that this season raised and barely any answers, but it got there. I feel like it could have been more fleshed out but hey, they have time restraints and a limited number of episodes, and this is a show designed for kids.

Now, we wait for the last season.

[spiralledcupid]

Spoon Views: My Hero Academia Season 3

Episode 6: Roaring Upheaval

And here we are again after another great episode ! I have to admit, I had trouble with this one, just because I had to fit in my hour+ watching time into the 45 minutes I had before Eurovision started. I did it though !! But this isn’t a Eurovision recap, so let’s get started with what we’re actually here for.

Okay, first here’s something personal I noticed. Those of you who keep up with these review things will know I hate the intro they have going on with a passion, but today I realised I’ve been so busy hating it I don’t actually know what happens in it. So well done me for that.

Into the actually episode, is it just me who’s getting damn stressed about Midoriya’s injuries like ??

Is there not like a first aid kit somewhere, or can someone not call an ambulance or ?? He’s just badly stressin me out, like I’ve read the manga so I know what happens but even that doesn’t make it less stressful.

Onto Dark Shadow,,, Like I said before, I’ve read the manga, but the small panels cannot get across how scary this is.

Like, it’s the first time you properly realise just how powerful and scary Dark Shadow actually is. It makes me wonder whether Tokoyami was scared of his quirk when he was younger, because Dark Shadow really does look like the monsters children often see in the shadows. Juts some food for thought. Also, the soundtrack behind this scene really did emphasis the fear factor this part had, it was really well used imo.

This isn’t really analysis but-

Can u get a truer hero than Shoji honestly he’s just too good.

Honestly though, I have to pity Todoroki and Bakugou when they try to work together.

They are such bad allies. Honestly, this could be because they’re both used to being the most powerful one in the partnership, but whatever the reason, it was still a little bizarre to watch them try and work together- very badly.

Honestly though, neither of them are as bad as Moonfish

He grosses me out so much, and the fact I have to save pictures of him on my laptop for these reviews makes it so much worse lmao, I hate him and everything he stands for.

The plan they came up with to trap him was good and all but seriously

These kids need to stop taking risks! It’s just very very worrying even though I already know everything works out fine. But, y’know kudos where they’re warranted, it was a very clever plan, and did work very well.

Again, just an observation rather than analysis but-

This was such a lit shot. I love the way these scenes are being shown in the anime, they do make them a lot more hype with the way it’s stylised and honestly it just increases my enjoyment of the episodes.

So my first thought for this one was that it’s such a classic Bakugou thing to say

But on further thought, I was thinking, maybe in a roundabout way Bakugou’s trying to be kind. Like, he’s expressing it in his usual vain way, but at the same time he’s also reminding Tokoyami that his murderous quirk is still controllable. Idk, take it as you will, but to me, it seemed to be expressed in a different way than his gloats usually are.

This just made me giggle, especially after the intensity of that fight but

Midoriya looks so confused here, my poor boy. Please can someone not just force him into safety or something?

Speaking of confusion, I love how confused Bakugou is when everyone sets out to protect him.

Basically everyone and their mum has made a gif of this, and for good reason too because he just looks so silly. I would feel bad, but it’s for his own good. Even though that doesn’t make him any less moody.

I love this moody little bitch so much.

Moving onwards, I’m so excited that we’ve finally seen Toga!!

At first, I really did not like Toga. She still sorta gets on my nerves, just because I think she’s a stereotypical female villain, but there is some complexity to her that I can appreciate. It doesn’t stop her being mad creepy though.

But it did make me really happy to see Uraraka using the moves that she learnt at Gunhead’s agency to take her down.

I do have this fear that when the final showdown actually happens, Uraraka and Toga will have a fight in the ‘love interest fights female villain’ trope, but I’m hoping that the ease with which Uraraka took down Toga in his episode will stop that happening.

Also, with Toga I’m really happy with the voice they gave her. I was fully expecting the usual five year old mixed with candyfloss voice, like very childish and sweet enough to give me toothache, so I was v surprised when Toga slipped into a more creepy voice. It was quite similar to Shigaraki in tone, and idk it was just pleasant to here, because female villains are usually fit into either seductress or cute and unexpected, so for me Toga kinda broke out of the box with her non-typical voice and stalkerish tendencies- even though she still very much leans towards the latter archetype.

Sticking with the villains-

There he is !! aaaaaa I’m just so happy we’ve got Mr Compress this episode ! Although what he’s saying really is a horrific misconception of Bakugou’s personality.

Also, oh my god.

This shot really hits you with Midoriya’s distress. He’s very hurt, he’s probably tired and stressed and, at this point, he believes he’s failed to save someone. It’s so upsetting to see and I can 100% feel his distress through that single line. Nice use of language.

But, in contrast to Midoriya-

It’s very easy to look down on Aoyama for not moving Jirou and Tooru back to camp like he was told to. On one hand, it is pretty cowardly and he IS training to be a hero, but at the same time I have to think…What would I do? Aoyama’s quirk is still pretty hard for him to use, and it hurts him quite a bit, and against two villains while carrying two people he would almost definitely be defeated. Idk I can’t really disrespect him for this tbh because it would be hypocritical- I know I would be hiding too if I were in that situation so. I’m not gonna look down on him.

Okay, but moving back to personal preference.

Dabi is hot n I’m not just talking about his quirk lmaoo.

Moving very very swiftly onwards, I love how they show Yaoyorozu’s development here.

She’s very much starting to show faith in herself and it’s really nice to see that change, especially after her lack of self-confidence in the last arc. I have to feel bad for Awase though.

I would very much like to write a fic about these two, just because I think they could get on well and work together really well. Maybe soon.

Okay, final little point:

That looks like an absolute back breaker, honestly someone should get Mr Compress some ice or something.

So that concludes my episode talk through ! I cannot believe they’re still baiting THAT interaction (you all know what I mean), but they are somehow. It has to be next episode, and I cannot wait for it. Also, the full versions of the op and ed are out, so if anyone would like a lyric talkthrough- if I can find accurate translations- I am 100% down. Analysis counts as English Lit revision, right?

Anyway, as always thank you so much for reading !

[curb-stomp-for-charity]

tumblr mobile isn't allowing me to insert a read-more break but

i'm rethinking my feelings on this ambrose-rollins feud and here's why

so the trailer for the new Dean Ambrose documentary-style video covering his post-injury return came out today.

of course, everyone everywhere seems extremely excited and hype about this because, hey, it's (the guy who keeps his personal life private) Dean Ambrose!

but one twitter user got my mental gears going. this user commented that while they're excited about the video, they're confused by the wwe's timing. i read the discussion that followed with other fans, and everything they said made sense to me.

so the main point of confusion regarding the release is that features like these are usually geared towards enhancing public appeal of a figure. and not just any kind of public appeal, but positive public appeal. now we all know that Dean Ambrose is already wildly popular, but a feature like this, a chance to see the vulnerabilities and human qualities of the man behind the character, is guaranteed to increase not only admiration for an already-popular superstar, but respect for the athlete and entertainer who exists when the lights go out. in other words, this is an appeal-enhancing feature that would suit a face.

and to the chagrin of those twitter users, Dean Ambrose, at this current moment, is not a face. Dean Ambrose is currently being presented as the most selfish heel (according to the colour commentator) who isn't even "man enough" to properly relay his reasons for betraying his brother. the twitter users expressed that they are annoyed that the wwe can't seem to get that releasing this feature will only make us /like/ Dean Ambrose more. and that's not okay because Dean Ambrose is a heel, the bad guy you most definitely do not want to like. the guy they want the crowd to boo out of the building.

in short, releasing this now will probably only make people more likely to cheer for Ambrose and weaken the villainous air his character is currently swathed in.

so, of course, the users chalked this ostensibly poor timing up to the wwe's gross misunderstanding of their own product and not knowing what they want to achieve in their storylines and them not even knowing how to go about getting the responses they want.

while i was inclined to agree wholeheartedly with the thread of tweets, being the overthinking and zealous fan i am, i started wondering if maybe i've got this storyline a bit wrong.

until today, i assumed that the wwe wanted me to hate Dean Ambrose for what he did to Seth Rollins. i assumed that the wwe was just stringing its usual heel-face storyline and wanted me to boo Ambrose and cheer for Rollins. and while i have actually been more supportive of Ambrose since his turn(because Seth Rollins can be a dick and he hasn't handled this situation maturely AT ALL), i've accepted that Ambrose IS the bad guy in this storyline. i've accepted that creative wants me, as the viewer, to see Dean as an asshole who just wants to screw with someone who trusted him. and they've even got the crowd to start screaming at him that he "Sold Out" (to what, idk).

with that assumption, i have been trying my best to see what little good there is in Rollins' character (i love him, he's great, but as i said, he can be a Grade A asshole). and it's been hard to accept him as the face in this feud because Rollins has already guessed at Ambrose's reasons for actions, and they all include Seth Rollins' OWN past actions being at the centre of them. he stabbed his brothers in the back (VICIOUSLY, i might add), and unapologetically tormented them for MONTHS, cheating his way to the top of the company almost overnight. Seth Rollins tried to kill Dean Ambrose in their feud (that curbstomp through cement blocks???? no one can tell me permanent brain damage wasn't Rollins' aim. i hated that man for a solid month) and frequently made Roman Reigns' life a living hell (which he's now sworn to do to Ambrose, even while being a kayfabe face).

but if the wwe wants me to hate ambrose and love seth....why release a feature that will only enhance admiration and respect for the supposed "bad guy" you want me to boo? unless the video includes actual footage of Dean Ambrose being an insufferable asshole to everyone in his life (highly improbable), then like my fellow twitter users, i am utterly confused, and the point of the timing of this release eludes me.

Unless.

unless this storyline strays from the wwe's formulaic presentation of their characters as either "good" or "bad". i might be giving creative too much credit here....but maybe the wwe is using two of its most talented athletes to present a story that is so complex and layered that it is almost impossible to really frame their characters as we normally would. because maybe they understand that no one is truly "good" or truly "evil". everyone possesses good and bad traits. everyone is human. so maybe they understand that regardless of what Dean Ambrose has done, he's not a "bad" guy, and presenting this personal look at his recovery will make the audience understand how his experience has shaped him and his motivations. and how his struggles and successes have informed his decisions up to this point. so the aim may not be to make me like Dean Ambrose, but instead to present his character in such a way that his motivations are understood. and with that presentation, his heelish actions may seem more justified and make it harder to classify him as a heel. but he still can't be a face because the presentation of his character thus far has made it clear that in some ways the wwe wants us to be disappointed in Ambrose and his recent actions.

so if he's not a heel or a face, then what is he?

it's quite simple. he's human.

Dean Ambrose is human.

he was faced with challenges and overcame them. he struggled with feelings of abandonment in his absence (i mean, neither of his brothers really checked up on him? damn, i'd harbour feelings, too) and he seemed to try to work through those negative feelings. he supported those he loved even when they didn't support him as much as he wanted them to. he tried his absolute best to be there for his brothers and he was doing well.

but he faced an emotional stressor, that being roman vacating the title, that he couldn't seem to deal with healthily. so whether he just took the opportunity to lash out at seth and repay him for stabbing them in the back in 2014 because he couldn't deal with roman's absence, or he just didn't see the point of continuing the shield without roman and couldn't bear to pretend it was okay and so decided to end it himself, it doesn't matter. he didn't react healthily. but his response WAS human. because some people just aren't emotionally healthy. and that's okay, because that's only human.

with Seth Rollins, i don't know about anybody else, but i have had the hardest time convincing myself that Rollins is the face in this feud. and so with this theory, it's easier to accept him as neither a face nor a heel. he's just human. an extremely flawed human being who's done some fucked up shit in the past but who seems to want to move forward and do better. Rollins has spent the last two weeks basically condemning Dean Ambrose to hell; he's called him names (some of which are ableist) and has sworn to make Ambrose's life a living hell. now, that's not very becoming of a face. and maybe that's why he's been so insufferable these past 2 weeks; why he's been talking shit and not reeeallyy trying to listen to Ambrose, but instead just choosing to approach the situation aggressively which ANYONE can tell you is not the way to approach any situation with Dean Ambrose (like, has Rollins learned nothing from Roman Reigns?). i've just resigned myself to thinking that this guy is such a good heel that he's the most heelish face in this gotdamn company. but that's the BROKE speaking. the WOKE is saying to me that Seth Rollins is not the face. he's just a (sometimes selfish) human. and that's okay. he can scream and curse all he wants and i can try to understand his motivations and tolerate his behaviour but i don't have to automatically frame him as "the good guy" in this storyline. he's just a silly human facing silly human problems with another silly human also facing silly human problems, and together they are creating one of the most convincing storylines i've been blessed to witness.

i don't even know if anyone will read this but TL;DR i'm rethinking my feelings about this Ambrose-Rollins feud. Basically: maybe neither of them is a face or a heel, and they're just humans trying to deal with their problems. Reason for the rethink: the question of why the wwe is releasing this dean ambrose video feature which will probably just make people like him more even though he seems to be the heel in storyline. The conclusion: dean ambrose isn't a heel, he's just human. and the reason seth has been so insufferable and hard to like in storyline is because he's not a face, he's just human. and all of that is okay.

[infnthoya]

Hello my favorite Howon stan!! <33 How have you been doing? Is everything okay? Sorry for being so late again, my schedule is a mess recently but since I found out that Howon isn't a part of Infinite anymore, I was so worried about you I just had to check on you and your blog.. and guess you are dealing with this all really beautiful, even better than I am ^^. I am so glad Howon has such an amazing fan as you, who will support him no matter what and stay with him through thick and thin,

he really needs all the love he can get from inspirits <3. I can not imagine how hard must it be for him to make that decision, he probably was afraid of hurting his fans.. maybe his members as well, but I believe the boys will also support him till the end, their bond seems stronger that that. I can not say I am not sad, I am trying my hardest to be happy for him like you are but it’s a bit difficult as for now. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate him, I perfectly understand him and he has my support but as for now thinking about him leaving Infinite brings tears to my eyes. Especially since he was always a vivid supporter of Poland and he mentioned my country so many times, always making me proud and loving him a little bit more… but I guess he is still the same man, one of the greatest men out there and I should cherish all the moments I could watch him as a member of Infinite ^^. And probably expect even more great acts from him in the future ^^. I know what he is capable of ^^Also I would like to thank you veeeeeery much for that sweet reply I got from you in June!!!! I never got the chance to properly express my gratefulness, so I am doing it now ^^. I was feeling pretty sad at that time and your words were exactly what I needed to hear, they made me smile and gave me courage to believe in my boys and their choices <333. You are an amazing person and I seriously wish the life was kinder for you, it pains me greatly that the world is so unfair and you can not get all the happiness and pretty things you deserve /3. But I noticed that Howon liked your sweet message, I am so happy for you <333. I am also proud of him that he didn’t sleep on such a great person, he should have liked all your precious messages too!! I hope I can tell him that personally one day, when he will finally come to Poland again (seriously, he is taking forever…). But leaving Howon aside, I hope that your bad luck won’t last forever, that people on your way will like you and adore you because you are the nicest and most amazing person out there and you deserve to be just loved!! I wish I had the power to make your path in life full of happy events, but I am just a potato /3. So as for now I am sending you a thousands of hugs and kisess ♥♥♥. And also it’s getting colder outside so please take care of yourself and dress warmly so you won’t get a cold <3. I feel like you have been taking care of me all this times and now I have to do what I can to make sure you are in good health, smiling a 1000W smile ^^. Hah, this message is so long, I wonder if it even makes sense xD. Anyway, thank you for everything My Dear, You are and forever will be my Ultimate Favorite Howon Stan and I am glad that Howon’s departure from the group didn’t change that <3. I don’t know when I’ll be able to talk to you again, but in the meantime please continue to be that sweet, carrying and nice person you are and I am sure everything will work out just great ♥. I believe in you, I believe that good things happen to good people and you are just one of them <3. To be honest idk what have I ever done to deserve such a great person like you in my life, but I guesss it must have been something big ^^. Thank you for always being there for me <3. And thank you for being there for Howon as well <33. I know that he should thank you personally but I’ll just add it to list of things I have to tell him when I see him here in Poland ^^. Because now he just have to come here again ^^Also, please remember that you deserve all the pretty things in the world and if you ever feel like life is hard on you, just know that I am sending all my positive thoughts towards you and that you are never alone <33. I will always have your back My Dearest Howon stan <33333. I am just bad with words and this is why I can not express it all nicely but I love you and will always support your every decision, just like I am doing with your bias. Even if that decision makes me sad, I will still be by your side ♥♥♥. So do not be afraid, cause you are not alone <3. Sorry if I got ahead of myself or something, but this whole situation made me emotional a bit, please ignore anything weird you see in this message ^^. Thank you once again and take care <33333333333

GAHHHH MY FAVORITE ANON!!!! I HAVE BEEN IN A WONDERFUL MOOD THANKS TO YOUR EXTREMELY SWEET MESSAGES 💜💜💜 IM SO SO SO THANKFUL TO YOU AND ITS ME WHO DOESNT KNOW THE REASON WHY AN ANGEL LIKE YOU HAS FOUND ME!!! Your words ALWAYS lift me up! You give me strength, you make me smile, you warm my heart everytime you send me a message so i cant thank you enough seriously, no words could be enough to tell you how much i appreciate your presence 😍😍About Howon’s departure, i somehow had prepared myself for it. Maybe becuz i always expect the worst scenarios, i had always thought about him leaving. Even before those ‘everyone renewed contract except one member’ news came out. And… im actually happy because like you said, he is capable of so many things so im just very excited to see him show us more than he could ever done as a part of a group, under the control and restrictions of a company.I have been writing him almost everyday for a while. Becuz his silence was making me feel worried. i was also going thru a pretty bad time back then (as you already knew and supported me greatly💜) that i didnt even want to go on tumblr so i thought that him staying silent might have meant he was going thru a hard time as well. I was guessing he would read our messages but i guess yesterday he wanted to make some of us cheer up a little becuz he thought he hurt us 😭😭😭 you know he is the type who always carries huge burdens on his shoulders so it must have been too hard for him. Im glad he got rid of that burden now. And im also verg proud of the Inspirit fandom for receiving the news in such a nice way. I was scared they would bash him and had i seen sth like that, id teach them a lesson or two! (Tho a friend of mine told me there were some stupid comments but i havent seen any personally)I totally understand why you and everyone else feel in despair tho. It really isnt easy to see OT7 become OT6. We all thought they would at least reach a decade together. But i wouldnt blame the boys even if they disbanded. Because i want them to do what they wanna do the most.You know what honey, i really believe that he will go to Poland very soon! I mean after some time passes and all this hype slowly dies down, im sure he will go on a vacation to take his time to relax and Poland would definitely be in his list of places to go 👍 And YES please tell him a little about me when you get to have a long talk with him 😁😁😁 you are always so sweet to me also very funny i just wanna squish your cheeks and hug you till you hate me hahahhaa 💜💜💜💜You really dont ever have to thank me baby! I LOVE talking to you and im glad that i could make you feel better! You can talk to me/ask me about anything, please dont ever hesitate to write to me. And PLEASE PLEASE STOP TELLING ME ALL THOSE THINGS THAT I DONT EVEN DESERVE 😭😭😭 im not that nice PLEASE JUST… ahhh im speechless when you write such extremely sweet things to me. You express yourself very nicely but here i am saying the same things over and over again 😭😭 i really dont know what i did to deserve you and your wonderful wishes! You are the true angel here for being so nice and i hope that all your nice wishes and prays will find you even more 💜💜💜💜💜 i truly think of you often and hoping that you are okay. Whatever the things are that keeping you busy, i hope they are the things that you enjoy doing. Dont stress yourself over anything okay? Whatever you are going through, i know you can do it perfectly so dont ever rush things and be easy on yourself *hugs you tight* 😍😍