#ITS POURING TODAY WTH

[voltrixz]

Suffering from the most comical unluckiness ever thanks to the rain

[twice-jangmii]

[★] 𝟎𝟕/𝟎𝟏/𝟐𝟑 • rosesareana started a live video

outfit

seorioanas, berrirosez, 879k others joined.

• Comments.

user: MIMIIIIII OMG

user: MIMI YOU’RE HERE

Jangmi situated herself on her soft mattress after starting her live. People were spitting out different comments on her screen, making her look up at the rapid movement. She beamed at the camera, continuing to get comfortable.

“Hi, ONCE!” She spoke in a gentle voice. Show Me Love by Alicia Keys softly played in the background as she continued to talk to her fans and ask how they were.

user: OMG BARE FACE MIMI

user: jangmi casually going live after breaking the internet 💀

user: dude you and Felix broke the internet 😭😭

She scanned through the comments, subtly cackling at the comments that said her and Felix had broke the internet. Though it was none of their business, it was hard for her to not say anything to her fans. She knew that they were just strangers but she also felt very close to them. Not the need to tell them everything but..

“‘Bare face Mimi’? Yes I’m not wearing any makeup. It’s a rare sight, I know.” She joked. She decided that she’d throw on an outfit that was kind of effortless, seeing as she was off today.

She kept giggling at all of the questions and ecstatic fans in the comments that kept talking about the news. This caused all of her fans to be suspicious of her. The suspicions grew more as Jangmi constantly checked her phone and continued laughing.

user: is she ok…

user: ITS FELIX GUYS

↳ user: I just think we need to mind our business..

Jangmi was in fact messaging Felix, though her fans couldn’t see that. She glanced up at the company phone and back down at hers, holding back a smile.

She cut off her phone after messaging her boyfriend, turning her attention back to the live. The comments were appearing faster than before.

user: anastasia yang….

user: guys I’m pretty sure her and Felix were like best friends or smth 😭

user: uhhhhh if Felix is dating HER, y’all won’t be seeing me at any skz concerts 💀

↳ user: okay????? more seats for us ? 😭😭

↳ user: RIGHT 😭😭

She watched as some toxic fans began to pour into her stream. At one point it made her a bit upset, but then she came back to the reality that those people had nothing better to do with their lives.

“Should we just end this, ONCE?” Jangmi contemplated on ending the live, the comments getting too overwhelming for her. Her phone went off, indicating that she received a message.

🌻💛: Don’t let it overwhelm you. End the stream if you have to.

Deciding that it was indeed too much for her, Jangmi began to say goodbye to her fans causing their suspicions to rise once more.

user: this was the fastest livestream wth

user: aw :( well it was good to see you Mimi, eat well <3

user: plsssss tell us if it’s true

rosesareana ended the live.

TAGLIST !

@alixnsuperstxr (message or comment to be added)

layout inspo : twice-aeri

[ddontyyoukknow]

How does one live in the dicotamy of having a parent with narsicissim or deep mental illness. like i understand onemight be defensive when they are being attacked bu to be so unbelievably unundestanding all the time is exhausting. im starting to learn that noone is perfect and that yu just have to learn to vibe with poeple for as long as theyre in your life. how od i live in a pkace where all i want to do is the right thing and where gaslighting runs rampant. my week has been off the wall with crazy shit, a nd stuff from before that has jus culminated int his week being a shit show for me. the Cal, Nina, leo, Ale stuf fom beofr thn the oksi and mo stuff then the my dad stuff today and the teddy harrasment stuff that was making me worry too its just been so so much. I feel like there must be somehting wrong wth me if i feel ike eveyone is wron gbut me. i seriouslt feel like if out of a sense of self reservatin my heart has been closed for business and i just dont feel safe. i feel ike maybe becaeu i am not givingmy all i am feeling judgmental of mysel and therefore assuming that everyoneis feeling the sameabout me. but they probably arent i am just in that phase of my cycyle where i literally hate evryone. i cant wait until my little heart is open for buisness and let sin the love that everyone and evrythin gis constatly pouring into me. i can get off my high horse. good job for cleaning and for keeping everthing clean 

[violetnotez]

When They Taste Their s/o’s Chapstick| HQ Edition

Welcome to Hannah has no sleep schedule lmao-but I remember I did these HC for BNHA and they did really well, so I thought I would do some for HQ too! I might do more characters and not make the HC so detailed, but I hope you like these! 🤍

Music Genre: Acoustic | HQ

Characters: Atsumu, Yamaguchi, Bokuto

Warning: cursing

Music Collection | Tip Jar | Requests!

Atsumu: Cherry

The bright ass teacher who thought it would be smart to put your boyfriend right behind you was realllllllyyyy smart 🙃

Okay sarcasm aside this dude is annoying in the cutest way possible????

This guy gets bored super quick, and knowing his dear, sweet s/o is gonna take all the notes he needs makes him use the class period to just mess with you

(Also him not paying attention in class secretly gets him to be able to have study dates with you, so yeah, Atsumu isn’t learning nothing from the teacher 💀)

Some days it’s bad-he will kick your chair just to laugh at your pissed off face,

He’ll air drop you memes, cute puppy pics,,,sometimes shirtless pics if he’s reallllyyyy bored 🙃😳

But some days he’s a little better and not so annoying,,,,like playing with your hair, passing notes to you, or just casually texting you about random things that are on his mind

But today he was poking your back like his life depended on it

You tried to ignore it for as long as you could, trying to just focus on the teacher droning on about some random war-

Until this fucker flicks your head

You instantly swivel around, pissed written all over your face as he gives you a smug ass look

“Took ya long enough,” he whispered, clearly enjoying bugging you, “but ya got some chapstick?”

Kinda wierd and not what you were expecting but-whatever

You just roll your eyes and nod yes, quietly shuffling through you pencil bag

Poor Atsumu lost his a few days back and hadn’t been able to get more, so he’s really feeling it on his fifth day of no chapstick

He takes it, putting it on and going to hand it to you but soemthing stops him

Cause whoa-this tastes just like you

He hand sit back, kinda just mesmerized...cause this taste is exactly what he tastes everytime he kisses you, like he’s eating candy

No wonder why to him kissing you was addicting cause you tasted like a lollipop lmao 💀

But anyways, after class he decided to test this theory of his out

He walks you out of class, shouldering your backpack for you as you two walk to the cafeteria

“Cmon, lets go this way today,” he says with a small grin, leading you down a more secluded hallway

The moment you two seem to be alone he attacks

Atsumu is a fricking good kisser maybe a little rough but UGH he is gooooddddddd 🥴

He grabs ahold of your back, pressing you against him, you feet slowly rising to meet his lips

He pulls away, loving how surprised and flustered you look as he brushes his thumb against your lips

He’s really happy, cause yup, you taste exactly like the chapstick-sugary sweet but still tart, just like a cherry

you will never find your chapsticks ever again he will always be stealing them so he can taste you 24/7

Yamaguchi: Mint

Practice had finished, but today it was pretty cloudy

And of course, the moment the gym was cleaned up and everybody was ready to head out

It was pouring buckets

Yamaguchi was always a big softie, but he was also super protective over you

So he always makes sure to walk you home everyday

Fricking cuteeee 🥺

He was getting all of his stuff under the awning of the gym when he saw you running towards him in your uniform

You were smiling, trying desperately to keep your backpack dry as you ran through the rain shower

The way this boy yelled your name 😂💀 you would have thought you were dying

Yamaguchi can be really protective he has tooooooo

He doesn’t have an umbrella, so he unzips his black volleyball jacket and just starts running towards you like his life depends on it

His white volleyball tee cannot survive this amount of water and is soaked, but he really doesn’t mind,,,,

Your confused on why he took of his jacket, until this sweet guy uses it as a makeshift canopy and shields both your heads from the rain

You start to chuckle, cause he just looks so cute, his cheeks red from being sheepish making his freckles more prominent but this proud grin on his face

“Yams, you didnt have to get all wet for me,” you say with a smile, your digits wiping away droplets of water from his cheeks

*cue him turning even redder

and then you give him a quick kiss on his lips

HES COMBUSTINGGGGGGGGGGGG-

this guy gets flsuetred so quickly ITS SO CUTE😭

But something is much, much different about that kiss than before-

His lips are tingly and ticklish and he’s like WTH

But it feels-nice?? Like it almost makes the kiss feel like its lasting longer on his skin-

You dont even notice him being totally just dazzed out as he tries to figure out whats going on and  grab his hand, leading him inside the gym to wait for the storm to pass

As your digging in your backpack to make sure none of your notes got wet from the rain, Tadashi noticed that something rolled out of your backpack

And lo and behold! Its chapstick! ☺

Before he hands it to you, he notices its a Mint flavor-

and it allllllll makes sense to him

After he walks you home he guiltily SPRINTS his ass over to the convivence store

THIS MAN IS ON A MISSION

He was in there for a good hour searching for hat same brand+flavor

After he found it he is now obsessed with it and applies it like crazy cause it reminds him of you 🥺

Bokuto: Strawberry Sorbet

Bokuto has just gotten out of class, Akaashi right next to him as he went to go meet you by your locker

You three were lowkey like the Three Musketeers-

just two of the musketeers happened to be dating lmao

Anywayssss the man was already jumping around just from the idea of seeing you

It had been 5 whole hours since he last had contact with you-the horror 💀

Akaashi was pretty much used to this behavior, as Bokuto always needed a dose of y/n love every other hour to keep him preppy and up beat

Once Bokuto saw you, he immeditaely bounded over time you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder

“Hey baby birdie, missed me?” He said eagerly, placing a kiss on your lips

Usually after kissing you he’d just cuddle you close to him as the three of you waited for the rest of the team to go to practice....but soemthing was off

But in a good way

You tasted reallllyyyyyyyyyy yummy to him-but he had no idea what it was

This man has no shame

Like at all

He just starts kissing you

Over and

Over again

He can’t figure out why you taste so good! He can’t even figure what the flavor even is...So of course he has to keep “taste testing” 💀🙃

You have no idea the hell is going on, your face flushed you were in school still lmaooo

The dude was just attacking your poor lips at this point

Poor Akaashi is just as embarrassed as you 😂💀

“Bo!” You finally were able to muster out, gasping after the assault to your airwaves you just had

Poor guy looks so defeated and confused, still not knowing what was going

Sad baby bird look 🥺

“B-but babe,” he said, almost whimpering, “I don’t know why you taste good,,,”

You give him a “the hell you talking about face”,,,until it dawns on you that you had bought a new chapstick

Your just laughing, cause who knew Bokuto would be so intense over some damn chapstick

© Violetnote 2020

None of these characters or shows are my own, only the storylines and narratives I create are mine. Copying, stealing, plagiarizing, rewording, or using my storylines in other media, claiming to be your own, or reposting without my consent is not allowed.

[glowinggator]

Friendly Competition

Request:  Now I can’t get the image of Mikey and Leo prancing around the lair to try to impress Y/N and Raph and Donnie just exchanging glances like wth in response to this X,D Wait, are you open to requests? Because then I’d totally request if you could do the idea of Leo and Mikey trying to impress Y/N in outdoing each other…

Characters: Leonardo (Pining)/Reader/Michelangelo (Pining)

Content Warnings: Swearing, really brief reference to The Walking Dead (Season 4). 

Word Count: 1946 

“Carl, Carl! Oh my god, dude,” Mikey squeals, clinging tightly to Raph’s side. Any other day, you might have laughed a little at his reaction - once a little brother, always a little brother - but you’re not in much better standing this time. The boy on TV backs slowly away from the zombies a little overconfidently for your liking, and you can’t suppress the rush of anxiety that courses through you. He’s a TV character, sure, but you’ve watched him grow up! He can’t die now, right? 

And when the third walker appears, grabbing onto the young boy and pulling him down, you could have sworn the whole lair screamed. The room is filled with the “no’s” and various swears of your friends as the kid fights for his life, and you press yourself further into the couch to try and put some distance between you and the TV. You flinch at the sound of gunshots as he pushes the walkers away, barely managing to stay alive, when suddenly the room is pierced with a noise that’s somehow even more jarring and terrifying. 

Battle alarm. Of course. Some yokai...alien… whatever it is... had to terrorize New York City now, of all times? 

"Couldn't this have been an email or something? Really, the nerve of some people. Interrupting The Walking Dead now, of all times," You groan jokingly, pausing the show for the boys as they rise to their feet. 

“If you unpause it while we’re gone, I will take you as a prisoner of war and treat the Geneva Convention as a to-do-list,” Donatello snarks. 

You stick your tongue out at him, but you can’t help but giggle. “Noted, D. Hurry back guys, stay safe!” 

“We will!” Raphael calls, waving to you with a smile before stopping at the exit of the lair, waiting for his brothers to catch up. Donatello walks right past him, balancing his tech bō over the expanse of his shoulders. You smile and wave back at Raph, but soon after, you’re met with the excited cheers of Mikey. He takes a running start at one of the nearby guard rails, grinning as he lines himself up at an angle. He jumps, grabbing the bar and spinning himself around it with ease to face you. In the brief second where your eyes lock, he shoots you a wink and a grin, before spinning himself back around and walking off. I mean, you know he’s a ninja and all, but has he always been that smooth with his parkour? Or like, that smooth in general? 

He waves quickly at you with a smile and walks straight past Raph and into the tunnels of the sewer system. “Later, angel!” He chirps. 

Leo boos before taking a running start of his own. Not to be outdone, he avoids the bar completely, instead choosing to flip over it entirely. He clears the bar with ease, landing on one leg and sweeping the other under him to perform a small rotation towards the ground. As he regains his balance, he pushes himself up with one hand and removes his feet from the ground to do another rotation before planting them once more and performing an angled flip. His movements are quick and fluid, as though such acrobatic feats were innate to his nature. As he lands he grins and shoots you a pair of fingerguns - which you laugh at softly - before backing out of the lair. “Later, sweetheart,” he coos, and turns around to walk out properly. You chuckle again once you hear Mikey’s voice echo from the sewers. 

“Show-off.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You swish the warm drink around in your mug and take a sip. You practically purr at the heat as it hits your tongue: it’s been far too cold for your liking lately. Or, maybe you’re spending too much time in the sewers. Maybe you should invest in some space heaters, if you’re gonna be down here all the time. You twiddle a pencil between your fingers as you fill out the tattered crossword in a vain attempt to wake your brain up a little. Who was Aphrodite’s son again? Did she even have a son? You suppose you’ll get back to that one. 

Raphael stumbles into the kitchen with a groan, fumbling around for a fresh mug. “Good mornin’, Y/N.” 

“Good morning, Raph,” you reply. 

He finally manages to find a mug, pouring some coffee and creamer and pulling up a chair next to you. He leans his head in his hands, clearly not awake yet. You chuckle. “Sleepy?”

He hums affirmatively and takes a sip of his coffee. You pat his shell gently and return to your crossword. You’ve never felt more like an adult, you think sarcastically. It’s like some scene out of a Lifetime movie. 

Out of nowhere, there comes a loud thump from the common area, followed by the quiet swears of Leo. You damn-near jump out of your seat at the sudden noise, barely managing to keep your drink in your mug. It sloshes around the rim, and you quickly put your hand up to steady it. Raph, meanwhile, stays glued to his seat, seemingly unbothered by the loud noise. “Good morning,” he repeats. You snort. “Good morning, indeed,” you reply. 

After a moment of thought, you set down your cup and rise to your feet. You might as well check out the noise and make sure everything is okay. You pat Raph’s head one last time before walking out into the living room, only to find Mikey and Leo whispering loudly at one another. Their voices are so hushed that it’s difficult to decipher what exactly they’re saying, although you can certainly hear them. But judging by the force behind the indecipherable words - and the overexaggerated hand motions - it clearly isn’t a friendly discussion. You clear your throat and wave gently at them, which catches their attention. 

“Everything okay?” You venture. 

“Yeah-” says Mikey. 

“Yeah- It’s- Everything’s all good,” Leo stumbles, only to be cut off by his brother.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” He elbows Leo harshly, emphasizing some point to his brother that you’re clearly missing. 

“Hunky-dorey.” 

“Peachy-keen”

“Perfect.” 

The two keep stuttering and stammering, occasionally elbowing the other without warning. You raise an eyebrow at the strange behavior, and decide to intervene. “Okay,” you drawl, “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t just hear… whatever that was. For your guys’ sake.” You joke lightly, attempting to lighten the mood a little and divert the attention away from that… trainwreck of an interaction. And the boys seem all-too-happy for the excuse, as Leo quickly jumps in with a quick question. 

“Hey, now that you’re here, could you do us a huge favor? We’re having a little…” he pauses, “brotherly competition, and we need someone unbiased to judge.” 

“Oh, that sounds fun!” You chirp, “What kind of competition is it?” 

“It’s-” 

“It’s a parkour competition!” Mikey interjects. 

The tension between the two turtles is thick, and you certainly don’t want to be the one to address it. Perhaps if you ignore it, it’ll go away on its own? Maybe they both woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, or maybe this competition has high stakes? You sigh internally: it’s too early to be thinking this hard. “Sweet! I’m ready to be impressed,” you jest. “Who’s going first?” 

“Me!” 

“I will!” 

They reply in unison, cutting each other off for the umpteenth time today. You chuckle and roll your eyes, which catches their attention. You don’t miss the way their eyes light up… or the way Mikey begins to smirk. He looks almost devious, although you suppose such a mischievous look isn’t an uncommon sight with him. 

“Leo,” he starts, “How about you go first?” 

He takes the bait with a grin, clearly unaware of whatever plan Michelangelo’s formed. “Why certainly!” He rolls his wrist around in an overexaggerated motion, beaming with absolute confidence. “As the eldest brother in the room, I’d be happy to show you how it’s done.” 

And with that, he’s off. His movements are as smooth as silk as he runs towards the nearest crate, grabbing it at an angle to flip himself over once. He lands on his feet with a loud “thump” against the concrete, but he doesn’t waste a moment as he runs towards the nearest wall. He runs up its length the moment he’s in range, this time using his body weight to spin himself during his flip. He’s fluid in his movements, years of practice and training shining through in this brief moment. This time he lands straight up on both feet, although he doesn’t take any reprieve. Instead, he kicks himself up and over, sweeping the leg to enter a combative stance. A final flourish in his display, you assume. And just like that, it’s over. The show only lasted a matter of seconds, but it’s still enough to leave you starry-eyed and in awe. 

“That was fucking badass, Leo!” You clap. 

“Really?” He smiles, “Uh, I mean, yeah! Thanks!” He fumbles with his hands for a moment before finding a spot for them. He rests them behind his head, shifting side to side on his feet. God, that’s so fucking cute. 

You beam: You can’t wait to see what Mikey does! “Think you can top that, Mikey?” 

He returns your excitement wholeheartedly, shining back with something that seems like… so much more than his typical positivity. In most situations, he radiates so much positivity that one could liken it to a lighthouse for the hopeful. But his attitude seems different from that usual beacon of light. He’s excited, positive, and confident, but that’s not what’s throwing you off. Sure, they’re competitive, but what’s the motivator this time? Ah, you suppose you’ll find out soon enough. You’re brought out of your thoughts by his cheers. “Easy!” 

And god, Mikey’s movements are so graceful that he makes Leo’s look inexperienced, like a giraffe crossing a tightrope. He moves like a swan through water, scaling walls effortlessly and flying through the air like it’s his second home. He starts his routine off strong, leaping at the first waist-high object he could lay his eyes on, performing an impromptu 720 rotation and landing on the concrete protrusion hands-first. He leaps off it as quickly as he landed, using his momentum to propel himself onto a nearby set of steel bars. He throws himself from one to the other with ease, spinning and adding his own flair to each and every movement. You can’t seem to take your eyes off of him while he leaps his way to victory. He uses any ledge possible to propel himself higher and higher, and his movements are so light and quick that they hardly make a sound. And before you know it, he’s standing at the topmost bit of the lair. He plops himself down, dangling his legs off of the precipice and swinging them back and forth. From this far away, you can barely see the way his grin stretches across his face, but you know it’s there. He raises one hand to wave at you and Leo, and the way he wiggles his fingers signals that he knows he’s won. And to be fair, he has. You giggle at the way Leo mutters “show-off” under his breath - where have you heard that one before? - before signaling for Mikey that he’s won and to head on down. And god, the descent is just as impressive. He laughs as he kicks and spins his way down, and despite the competition being over, he continues to shine and demonstrate his skills flawlessly. 

“One and one, baby!”

[bbugyu]

when I was watching going svt today, all I could think of was love line SJSJSJSJ I imagined jeonghan sneaking y/n to his room in the middle of the night and cuddling🥺🥺

HSHBDHSBDJS i think about it CONSTANTLY they filmed ttt back in nov (after haos bday but before jihoons) so timeline wise that was probably after jeonghan gets ur number and asks you out but before your first date, so ur in that fun flirty over text period which means.... jeonghan..... definitely called you in the middle of the night just to hear ur voice........

like u arent assigned to the shoot so you are at home trying to not fall asleep on the couch with some show on and scrolling through your phone when it starts ringing in your hand and startles you and ur like "yo wth its 2am" but you answer it anyways like yeobeosayo????

"yn-ah," he goes, all cutesy sounding. you can hear singing in the background and you're already laughing because you knew they were shooting ttt and you knew they absolutely got plastered. "what are you doing?"

"im at home watching tv," you say, tugging on your blanket. "what are you doing?"

he walks into an empty bedroom and shuts the door. "ayeee you know what i'm doing."

you giggle. "so why are you calling me? shouldn't you be doing stuff for the show?"

"you guys said not to!" he whines. "hyperrealism and all that."

"i knowwww" you say, teasing. "are you drunk?"

"no," he says, pouting and kicking his foot against a bag. "i don't get drunk."

"don't believe that. remember, you're on tape."

"aish, you're loud," he jokes. "i know my limit. i don't drink beyond it."

you turn down the volume on your tv. "what about when people are telling you to take a shot? you turn them down?"

"no," he says, letting out an old man noise as he sits on a cot and leans against the wall. "i pour them out."

you laugh. "where? without anyone noticing?"

"wherever i can," he says, grinning, even though he knows you can't see him. "floor, usually."

"so wasteful."

he sighs. "someone's gotta stay sober enough to take care of these guys."

you smile softly, scooting down in your couch. "so why'd you call?"

he thought a second. "i missed you."

your heart flutters. "cheesy."

he laughs. "it's nice to hear your voice."

you smile. "yours, too."

[nikibogwater]

Bogwater’s Guide to Writing Platonic Relationships

Have a seat, dears, pour yourself a mug of cocoa, and let’s talk about writing for a bit. Specifically, writing emotionally intense, compelling relationships that are completely devoid of any romantic tension.

“Niki, those don’t exist! The only relationships that are truly intense and compelling are the romantic ones! Everybody knows that!”

*gently bonks you on the head with my magic scepter* NO. This is a common misconception that is perpetuated by media and especially fandom culture. And it stems from this bizarre idea that emotional intimacy must always equate with romantic intimacy. I have no idea where this idea got its start, but if you ask literally anybody who has experienced real, genuine friendship in their life, they will tell you it’s absolute nonsense. Just because you’re not doing the kissy-kiss with someone, that doesn’t mean you’re not emotionally intimate with them.

“But I don’t want any emotional intimacy without the kissy-kiss! It’s boring!” 

Yeah, so, there’s a reason platonic relationships in modern media often feel less interesting than romantic ones, and it’s precisely because of what I said above. Media producers and many fic authors are skittish about showing platonic love with the same level of depth and emotional intensity as romantic, so it often ends up being somewhat watered down and simplified, to the point that it becomes a less interesting relationship. The only thing this does is perpetuate the idea that any and all emotional intimacy immediately implies romantic attraction (it does not) while also devaluing the very real importance of genuine friendship/familial bonds. 

“Okay, but what if I just like romance better?”

That’s your personal preference, and that’s okay! Everybody has their favorite genres and tropes that resonate with them more than others. My personal favorite is Family, Found or otherwise (with a healthy dose of Hurt/Comfort on the side), but I can totally understand if romance speaks to you more. HOWEVER. This does not excuse writers and other content producers from low-key asserting that romantic relationships are objectively “better” than platonic ones. Hard fact of life: Nobody needs to experience romance, and even those who do experience it do so in different ways. But everybody does need to have emotional connections with other people through the bonds of friendship and family. Believe it or not, romantic love is not a universal experience. Platonic though? Everybody knows that one, and everybody needs it to be happy. To devalue it as a whole is to impose a toxic mindset that forces people to experience relationships in a very narrow and restrictive way.

Okay--*steps off my soap box and kicks it to the side*--now that we’ve established that friendship is important and should be given the same value that society gives to romance, let’s talk about a few ways to write intense and compelling platonic relationships!

Emotional Intimacy:

I’ve talked about this a lot already, but just in case some of you are confused, emotional intimacy is just when two people have a very deep familiarity and understanding of each other. They understand how the other’s mind works, and feel comfortable opening up to each other about their own stuff. Obviously, this is very important for any relationship, platonic or romantic, but writers will often limit such familiarity between characters to the romantic relationships. The first step to writing an interesting friendship is to not do that. Show that your platonic soulmates understand each other and are vulnerable with each other. Here are some easy ways to do that:

Character A knows all of Character B’s personal preferences--likes and dislikes, including small things like food, flowers, music, etc. 

A can finish B’s sentences for them. 

A is willing to talk about their feelings when B asks if they’re okay.

A and B trust each other and know the other always has their back

A and B will occasionally reference events in their shared history and even have inside jokes

A will seek B out for comfort when they are upset.

A and B almost never miscommunicate--they know what the other means when they say something, and will immediately notice if the other is acting strange.

A and B can communicate with each other silently, via subtle looks, eye movements, or gestures.

Selflessness:

To quote a grossly over-marketed Disney franchise, “Love is putting someone else’s needs before yours.” This is the simplest and also most accurate definition of love I’ve come across, and it is universal to all kinds of relationships. So in order to make your platonic relationship compelling, you need to show that the characters are willing to make sacrifices for each other--even big ones. Make sure this is a mutual exchange between both characters, because otherwise you risk making the relationship look a bit toxic. Here are a few of my favorite examples of selflessness between friends/family:

Character A willingly puts themselves in harm’s way in order to protect Character B.

A is always ready to drop what they’re doing and come to B’s assistance. 

A and B regularly do small favors for each other without being asked. 

A is always mindful of B’s needs and makes sure they’re taken care of.

A and B always do their best not to hurt each other, either physically or emotionally. 

A is openly very worried whenever B is in danger and stops at nothing to help them.

Affection:

This is the part where most writers balk when writing platonic relationships. “They can’t touch each other!!! That’s sexy and weird!!!” No, it’s not. This idea that any and all signs of affection are exclusive to romantic relationships is toxic, and we need to wipe it from existence. Obviously there are different levels of physical intimacy, and some absolutely are exclusive to romantic relationships. Here’s a list of No-Gos if you want to keep a relationship completely platonic:

Kissing on the lips/mouth/neck.

Gazing deeply and silently into each other’s eyes for long periods of time for no other reason than to simply Gaze.

Doing the Do or otherwise touching each other in an explicitly sexual way (I feel like this one should be pretty obvious. Also wth guys, that stuff is grooooosssssssss 🤢)

Honestly those are the only ones that I can think of that are always exclusively romantic. Everything else requires pre-established context in order to be taken as such. So here’s a list of affectionate gestures that are totally safe for established platonic relationships!

Little forehead/cheek kisses.

Hugs--yes, even prolonged ones. Sometimes friends/family just want to hold each other for a while, and not in a sexy way. 

Holding hands.

Leaning on each other.

Playing with each other’s hair or gently petting it in order to offer comfort.

Sleeping next to each other when circumstances require it (and neither of them makes any fuss over it)

Saying “I love you.” STOP MAKING THIS AN EXCLUSIVELY ROMANTIC THING, PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS PURE IN THIS WORLD!

Touching foreheads (my personal favorite of the lot!)

Maintaining prolonged eye-contact during moments of sincerity and communication, especially if Character A is trying to tell B something important.

Sweet little smiles, or other such soft looks of fondness

And many other gestures that I don’t have time to go over in this list.

Tip the First: When writing platonic affection, be sure to bear in mind your characters’ personalities and physical differences. For example, if Character A is significantly bigger and heavier than Character B, they probably wouldn’t be tackle-hugging B, because that would risk seriously injuring B. Different personalities also have different levels of comfort when it comes to physical affection. If you’re writing fanfic, it helps to revisit the source material and observe how the two characters interact with each other. And remember: just because two characters aren’t physically affectionate with each other, it does NOT mean they don’t have a deep and meaningful friendship. Also bear in mind that many people have different dynamics with different friends simply due to the way their personalities fit together. Not all of my friendships look the same, and it’s not because of insincerity on my part--I just have different interactions with different people.

Tip the Second: If you want the gestures of affection to really pack a punch, use them sparingly. Save your long, warm embraces for when the two characters finally reunite after a long separation. Have Character A take B’s hand only when they can sense that B is frightened and in need of reassurance. A “First Platonic Hug” scene can be just as sweet and feelsy as a “First Kiss” scene if you do it right! Also, don’t be afraid to talk at length about how a gesture of affection makes a character feel. Describe the warm fuzzies that bubble up in their chest when their friend/family member gives them a hug, wax poetic about how grateful they are to have said friend/family member in their life. Taking time to explore and dwell on a certain feeling should never be strictly reserved for the ones associated with romance. 

And when in doubt:

Observe the professionals. Here are some fantastic platonic relationships from various pieces of media that I take tons of inspiration from:

Frodo and Sam from Lord of the Rings (especially in the books)

Jim and Toby from Dreamworks’ Tales of Arcadia series

Din and Cara from Star Wars: The Mandalorian

Lilo and Nani from Disney’s Lilo and Stitch

So in conclusion:

Listen, I get it. Romance is exciting and cute and sexy and very important in its own right, and society likes to beat us over the head with it these days. But I cannot impress on you enough just how vital platonic relationships are to living a good and fulfilling life. I am who I am today because of the family and friends who have helped me grow. Please don’t disregard it, whether in your writing or in your own life. Cherish friendship. Acknowledge the depth of your platonic feelings for someone. And writers, please don’t be afraid to express those feelings in your work. If we let friendship and family die, I can assure you, any potential for healthy romantic relationships will quickly follow suit. 

[hydroponicjj]

hi! can i request a joshua bassett x reader, basically they’re dating and everybody knows but they haven’t made it public official, but hes doing a livestream during quarantine and he misses her a lot and she joins and he gives it away by singing a song just for her and gushing about her? or alternatively shes sitting behind the camera and giving him song requests and joshua is super soft and the viewers realize? xx

quarantined together

pairing: joshua bassett x reader

work count: 877

warnings: n/a

a/n: thank you for the request! i haven’t really written for joshua in a little bit so, glad to be back!! send me some requests pls :) gif credit goes to thegayfleet

                    「 ₊˚.༄ 」

“hello, hello, hello!” joshua greeted as he started the live on instagram.

thousands of people started pouring in at once, “hey guys!” he welcomed for the second time.

userone: hello joshua!!

usertwo: hey

userthree: you’re up early

“i’m up early? haha, yes. you can’t fall off the grind just because it’s quarantine.” he shrugged, reaching past the phone screen to grab his guitar.

for the first fifteen minuets of the live, he was strumming lightly whilst singing whatever tune popped into his head.

userfour: what song is that???

userfive: when was the last time you talked to y/n?

usersix: how is franklin doing? 😎

“franklin is doing pretty good, he’s sleeping cause he doesn’t wake up till like 3 pm.” he explained.

“uhhh,” he stuttered, “the last time i talked to y/n/n? right before i started the live.” joshua paused.

“she’s been on edge since quarantine started so, go send her some love.” he smiled into the camera.

you and joshua had been dating for about 3 months and you just so happened to be visiting him when the whole world shut down so, you were in isolation together.

userseven: do you talk to her everyday?

usereight: awe poor baby :( hope she’s alright

usernine: why’s she on edge??

“of course i talk to her everyday she’s my-” he paused, “my best friend.” he continued in a high pitched baby voice.

userten: this man said bEst fRieNd lmao 💀

usereleven: best friend? 🧢

usertwelve: facetime her!!

userthirteen: you should play a song? :)

“wait, wait, wait, i’ll be right back guys. i’m gonna go get a snack.” setting his guitar down in the chair he was just residing in, joshua ran into the kitchen.

“hey!” you greeted from the couch, you were currently rewatching the first season of outer banks.

“hello.” he replied enthusiastically, a smile on his face. reaching up into the cabinet, he he grabbed a lavender bag filled with popcorn.

“whatcha doin?” you asked, like isabella from phineas and ferb.

“i’m on live right now, i’ve actually gotta get back.”

“oooo, can i come with you? i can give you song suggestions.” you chuckled. you have seen enough of joshua’s lives to know exactly what he does.

“of course, c’mon.”

following him back into his room, you plopped down on his bed while joshua went back to entertaining the people watching his live stream.

“hello, hello, hello.” he removed the instrument from his seat so that he could sit back down.

userfourteen: he’s back !

userfifteen: he was gone for 30 years

usersixteen: welcome back sir

userseventeen: what song are u gonna sing today?

“what song? hmm, i’m not sure, what do you think?” he looked over to you.

people were aware that you and joshua are close but they didn’t know the entirety of your relationship and they also didn’t know that you were in quarantine together.

“meg thee stallion.” you joked.

“hahaha, meg? i dunno, not so uh, not so kid friendly.”

usereighteen: WHO IS THAT? 😳😳😳

usernineteen: THAT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE Y/N WTH 💀

usertwenty: THEYRE IN QUARANTINE TOGETHER OMG 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

joshua was too busy looking at you that he didn’t notice the comments going crazy.

“how about bruno mars?” you answered seriously.

“what do you guys think-” josh looked back and was trying to read all of the comments that were flooding in.

usertwentyone: BEUH WTF LOOK AT US !!

usertwentytwo: JOSH IS WITH Y/N YES 🥳

usertwentythree: I-IM SHCOKED WJEBSI 🙊

“woah, what the heck.” he said, shocked with wide eyes, “the comments are going crazy.”

“am i with y/n? haha wait hold on a sec.” he stood up from his seat, grabbing a blanket that was draped across his bed.

he grabbed your wrist pulling you up from where you sat, “can you grab this?” he asked as he placed the cover above your head, blocking you from eye sight.

“be careful as you walk right here,” joshua warned as he guided you so that you were in the view of the camera but, you were covered up.

“aaaaaaaaand welcome back to another episode of-” he paused, trying to think of a silly name, “joshua’s jazzy jet-setting game show.” he laughed at the creation.

“so on this segment we’re doing, what’s behind the blanket!” this was pretty fun considering the fact that everyone is locked in their houses

usertwentyfour: ITS Y/N I ALREADY KNOW BY THE NAILS 🤪

usertwentyfive: THE NAILS RJENEJEBEJ 😫😫

usertwentysix: i’m gonna pass out FROM EXCITEMENT 😤😤😤

“okay, contestant number one please drop the blanket!” he faked a drumroll.

it fell to the floor, revealing you behind it. you did a few funny poses to spice things up.

usertwentyseven: I KNEW YALL WERE TOGETHER 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

usertwetyeight: OHN EKEBEJEBJEE 🥺🥺

usertwentynine: YES THE BEST COUPLE ☺️

userthirty: AWE Y/N IS THERE 🥺☺️

“hahah, hi guys!” you greeted, waving at the phone screen.

userthirtyone: hi babes omg! <3

userthirtytwo: #shipname stans we won 🥳🥳

userthirtythree: best thing to come out of quarantine. hands down. :)

“alright, i’m gonna actually let joshua talk to you guys. see you later.” with that, you exited the frame.

“that’s all for this episode, folks.” he smiled, taking a seat.

userthirtyfour: when he’s sneaky uh ha ha 😎🙊

“hehe. what can i say, i’m a spy.” he shrugged.

[massensterben-a]

@gepanzrt​ said:                  ❝ we have given each other wounds, but they are not mortal. ❞

Weather-beaten, the field bends its fallow back before them. Many a shower has soaked the mud, first watered by rain and then by blood. Its open maw is studded with needle-teeth: discarded swords, broken buckles, shields that, mangled and splintered, were abandoned in flight. And the arrows. Arrows bloom like poppies. Arrows bend to the breeze like blades of grass where they are buried in the soft ground, in the soft throats. 

Beyond the veil, the theatre of desolation, like a great exhausted beast, the enemy forces amass. The young king can guess at them, at their fires in the dark which blink and stare. It is a foreign beast wth foreign claws, and it counts its dead. The first day is done, the prayers have been spoken, wept upon the lost, for those who had one to weep for them. He has seen battle before, forged upon the anvil of his father’s tutelage. He has been prepared. And still, oh, even so! Even so the crows and their endless circling dizzy him. He can hear them even in the night, picking at the feast they have made for them. There is an oppulent banquet held at the foot of the ridge. Porcupined soldiers, cracked in their armor like snails. And the black beaks come with hungry chittering. Carrion crows, such connoisseurs of rot. 

Now, with night upon them and a feeding frenzy to separate the bruising camps, Bertholdt means to take stock. He is satisfied with their standing for now. By stroke of luck or genius (historians will debate this!) Bertholdt and his army drew first position upon this hill, leaving the plain to their pursuers. Marksmanship, not plate armor, will now decide this battle. They must outlast, that is all. They must taunt and irritate, force the larger army to wear itself down with useless uphill charges. If they continue to attack the ridge as headlessly and heedlessly as they have today then this war may find its close before the week is done. Bertholdt would welcome nothing more than to spend Michaelmas once again at hearth and home. He has not seen his wife in months and she is with child. He should like to see the birth of his first son. 

It is his companion’s voice that draws Bertholdt from his ruminations, his estimations. The king’s broad shoulders, Atlantean for all they are holding up, relax after a brief brush with tension. Rough-hewn yet with smooth as mead, the knight’s words ensnare his attention. He allows his gaze to stray to the man who approaches him with measured step. Now relieved of the weight of his armor, of the dried red that splattered across his face during one skirmish or another, Reiner looks almost like the nobleman he is supposed to be. Distant fire glow dances in the uncombed strands of his hair, spinning straw to gold. 

Bertholdt swiftly removes the king’s mask, that chiseled, stern expression that expects to grimly judge all its eyes fall upon. Reiner warrants such consideration, has always been man with him and thus must be remind in kind. It is a comfort to him, that Reiner is by his side, returned to him from the cruel, distant lands of the barbarism and pagan ritual, returned to him from the dead. 

“Would that they were,” He mutters, dour despite the warmth that pours into his goblet-heart, fills it to the brim with purple wine. It is not dissent, only exhaustion. Now, with his sworn shield by his side, Bertholdt allows for a brief sigh to issue from his lips. “Would that they are bled overnight and we wake to victory.” A sardonic smile tugs at his mouth, curls in shape of irony. When Reiner comes to join him on his vantage point, Bertholdt unfurls a welcoming hand to him, eager to feel the shape of his old friend beneath layers of wool. He brushes, shyly, his fingertips along the curve of a bicep, down to his elbow. 

“Look,” He guides Reiner’s gaze out over the sea of the fallen, in their muddy graves. He gestures to the small sparks of flame glow in the distance, moving as if by ghostly will through the dark. “There they gather again. Surely they won’t charge at night, but if they were as beaten as they seemed before they’d save their strength. In the morrow they will seek to take us by surprise. I want the archers to sleep in shifts. No post must go unmanned.” 

Bertholdt pauses, notes how briskly his descent into a lower register accompanied the thoughts he shared. He is not talking to his generals or his council. Reiner. This is Reiner. His Reiner. He treats his companion to a soft smile, tinged with contrition. “Please. Forgive me. Don’t go. I will have the guards posted before I retire. But I want you by my side tonight. It will be a long, cold waiting and your company is all that still warms me. I need you to ease my heart. No talk of battle and victory could give me what your kindness bestows. Let us sit together and speak of old times.” 

A double-edged blade, this request. Chaste as an unwed maiden, and yet, and yet... The old times, what were they? A gangly, oppressive youth in the shadow of a throne, laden with tutors and exercises, the best education, the cruelest tests. Such a two-sided coin, not unlike the boy himself. Bertholdt is a skilled huntsman and yet has no love for the hunt. He has a sense for strategy but despises battle. He understands the value of diplomacy but grows taciturn before a crowd. And among all these contradictions, the most daring of all: a youth who seeks to win the hand of a king’s daughter in marriage, yet lies with his dearest friend in the field. The old times are thus composed of endless tutelage and fleeting, fumbling sweetness. Such a sweetness it was; like sucking the juice out of a berry, like letting it stain your lips in hopes someone will come and kiss you clean.

Will they speak of that? Bertholdt can barely unite the memories he harbors, treasures as a drake would its hoard, with the knowledge of the men they have become. What sweetness remains, after the heat of the crucible? Reiner, grown to impressive stature, sharpened like an executioner’s axe upon the grindstone of the crusade, returned to him when he called. He ought to honor that and not ask for anything more. 

He ought to.

[2ndstar-ontheright]

“I’m Sorry..”

Fandom: Ginny & Georgia

Characters: Ginny, Georgia, Ellen, Clint, Marcus and Max. 

Words: 1513

Summary: Ginny and Marcus apologize and discovers that there’s more to him then meets the eye. 

Warning: Swearing, implied masturbation (it’s very slight though. More of a blink and you’ll miss it sort of thing.), dead character reference, parental caregiver terms (Ex: “Mama”). 

Author’s note: I know you're probably thinking, "WTH did I just read?" But hear me out! I wrote this because I wanted to give more depth to Marcus' character, and of course I had to do that with age regression. Hah! And to have him apologize since we didn't see that yet in the show. (Plus while watching the show I got some kind of vibe. Not really sure how or why, but I did for some reason.) Anyways, I'm planning on turning this into it's own fully fleshed-out story. And I would love to hear y'all's feedback and opinions in the comments. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy! 

    Ginny was lying in bed, unable to sleep. Her mind was racing as she recalled the events of the past week. Breaking it off with Hunter, Marcus and his bullshit, Georgia (as always), and how she managed to push all her friends away over 2 dumb guys. She sighed, trying to take her mind off things, she picked up her toothbrush from her nightstand and slumped under the covers. “Great. Your life's falling apart and all you can think to do is masturbate? Lovely, Ginny. Just lovely”. As the brush slowly made its way down, she then had to go to the bathroom. Sighing even harder this time, she put the toothbrush back on her nightstand and left the room.

“Mom! It’s Marcus! Your idiot, stoner, “Kyle Scheible” wannabe son! Of course I’m pissed and betrayed as hell that my so-called “best friend” was cheating on her boyfriend with my brother! God! Everything is the worst!” Max equally signed and exclaimed to her parents, angry like a wakened bear. “Well I’m sorry! I’m sorry I don’t know anything because my kids don’t tell me shit anymore!” Ellen replied. “Well I’m telling you now mother dearest!” Max said, stomping up to her room. Slamming the door behind her, she flopped on her bed and scrolled through her pictures. She stopped when she saw a picture of the 4 of them together at the Sophomore Sleepover.“Ginny, why couldn’t you have just talked to me?” Her voice broke as she started to cry.

Downstairs, her parents discussed the situation and what they could do to help. “I just don’t get it Clint. Ginny is a good kid, much better than our own. If we're being honest. How are we gonna fix this?” Ellen asked her husband. “I don’t know dear. But, it’s probably best if we stay out of it. I think we can trust the kids to work it out themselves. Besides, all we can do is watch and intervene when it gets too serious, right?” Clint replied. “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks. I love you.” “Anytime, Ellie. I love you too”.

Marcus crossed the street towards Ginny’s house in hopes of doing one thing, apologizing. If there was any time to do this, it was now. Hopefully. That day, after hearing what Ginny said he realized what he was doing. He finally broke things off with Padma, stating how he had been a dick to her and that she deserved better, to which she agreed. He took time to look at himself and think “Why? What’s wrong with you? Climbing up to the window he reached for the latch and lowered his hand. He instead climbed back down, knowing how inappropriate and weird his entrances are. “You’re not J.D, idiot.” He joked to himself, while inside he was terrified.

Hearing the door knock, Ginny went downstairs. She looked through the window and jumped. “Jesus fucking Christ. Why is he here?! And at the door of all places? Well, at least it’s not my window, ``she whispered. Her mind began racing again. She wished she could go back to her room, but now she could not. “Peach, who’s at the door?” Georgia called from the other room. She halted for a moment,”No one mom!” “Okay! I must’ve just been hearing things then. Aw shit! That means I’m gettin’ old!” “Georgia Miller’s one adversity, aging!” Ginny said. “Oh hush!” Georgia said, fake offended. Ginny sighed, opening the door. She leaned on the door frame, ready to face whatever was gonna come out of the teen’s mouth.

”What do you want, Marcus? Because frankly, I don’t want to hear it”. “Hey can we talk outside? Please? I just don’t want your mom to hear, if that’s ok?” “Yeah cuz she hasn’t heard everything already about us! But, whatever. I guess we can talk”, Ginny glared at him. “Look, I just wanted to say, I’m sorry. You deserve so much better and should’ve just stayed out of everything..” “Yeah you should’ve. That would’ve helped. My life would have been a lot less shitty, y’know.” “I-I know..and I told Padma about everything a-and broke things off. I mean, it was the least I could do. And I’ve also started to evaluate myself and realize, I am an awful person. Like, what the hell dude? What’s your problem?” Marcus said.

Ginny looked at him surprised, “He actually went and acknowledged his mistakes? Huh, things are certainly changing for both him and I”, “I.. that’s.. I’m really proud of you Marcus. And yeah, you are an asshole, but I’m glad you took the time to realize that. Especially after all the things you went through.``''And I know that doesn't excuse what I did. Someone’s past or whatever they're going through doesn’t excuse them for doing something wrong, but thanks Ginny. I’m not asking for you to forgive me for what I did, I just want you to know that I am truly sorry. Also I’m seeing someone! I forgot their name, but they work with Abby’s Dad, I think. And after this, I’ll stay out of your way so I don’t hurt you or anyone else.” Marcus said, turning to leave.

Ginny gasped, “He’s truly pouring his heart out! He is sorry! Do I want to lose him? Cus I really don’t think I do” Her thoughts swirled in her head. “Marcus, I-I don’t know what to say. You’re right. But, I think that since you’ve taken the time to talk to someone and help you evaluate yourself, you know better than to play with people’s hearts. A-and I don’t want to lose you because you’re more than just hot. Y-you’re nice, introspective, and caring. I don't think I’m ever going to find someone who’s impacted my life like you. I-think I forgive you,” Ginny choked out, crying. “Wow..Seriously! Well, thanks Ginny! Is it okay if I hug you?” Marcus said, surprised. “Seriously. And yes! !”Ginny laughed. “Okay!” He said, wrapping his arms around her. After a minute had passed, Marcus took that as his cue to leave. “Well, I should go,” He said walking to her door. “Yeah. I’ll see you later, creep”. He smiled and left. And Ginny, for the first time in a while, felt relieved.

The next day, Ginny walked to the cafeteria hoping that her friends wouldn’t loathe her entirely. She planned on apologizing to them today for all that happened, especially to Hunter. She was about 5 feet away from the door and saw Marcus on the floor with his head buried in his arms. “Marcus? Are you okay?” She asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Marcus had not had a good day so far. For one thing, Max was still mad at him, his head was screaming, he couldn’t stop thinking about his best friend, and he failed an english test. And his secret almost got revealed when he dropped all of his stuff on the floor trying to get into his locker. So yeah, you could say today was a shit day. So, when he went into the lunchroom and noticed all the people, he turned around back into the hall. For the second time in 12 hours he started to cry. And when Ginny asked him what was up, his head felt fuzzy and couldn’t say anything.

Ginny looked at him in concern waiting for him to answer. He looked up and she noticed his eyes were all red and puffy from crying, “I-I’m sow-sorry. I’m not supposed to... “Supposed to what?” “Be small!” He sobbed, hiding his face. “Aw buddy, it’s okay! But, can you explain? I don’t understand?”

He took a deep breath and began to explain, “So, ever since my y’know accident, my brain goes to this space where it’s kind of like I’m a little kid? Y’know? I know it’s-it’s weird. And ever since my best friend died, I feel a lot younger than I am. So, basically I’m a little kid when I have bad days or get really upset. Which explains what “being small” means, I guess”.

Ginny looked back at him processing this, and if she was being honest, it made a lot of sense. It was his way of dealing, and who was she to judge? “Well, that makes a lot of sense. And I’m guessing it helps, but why were you so upset to tell me?” “Because I was worried you were going to think I’m gross or more weird than I already am.” She chuckled, “You’re already one of the weirdest people I know Marcus. SO, there’s nothing you can do that can make you more weird to me. Now, quit crying! I’m not really in the mood for you to crash into a ditch again, y’know? Lol.” “Heh, yeah. Thanks Ginny.” “Anytime, Marcus. Now come on, the floor’s pretty gross.” She said, standing up and pulling him off the floor. “Okay, mama,” He said, feeling better than before. Ginny gushed and the 2 of them walked back into the cafeteria ready to face their friends.

[0225pm]

hello!!!!!

haven’t posted anything in a long while and i decided to post one tonight before i sleep bc i feel guilty for not updating farhan’s newspaper hahaha. i’m also waiting for my hair to dry a little so yeah kill two birds with one stone!

my eyes are super irritated now btw like the right eye esp wtf i kept rubbing at it bc it feels like there’s smth in my eye and i HATE rubbing my eyes bc it’ll give you wrinkles and break all the capillaries around your eyes causing dark circles like mine is alr dark enough i don’t need it to be any darker. like i think it’s bc of my contacts?? a sigh that i must change my lenses alr pls sponsor me bb degree 500/500 brown or grey lens i’m ok hahahaahahahah. ok so i will try to summarize today as fast and as short as i can even tho i like to type everything down in details so that future me and future farhan may be able to recall memories easier but das ok we gotta be quick

ok so today i called farhan around 230pm cus i had a feeling he slept quite late ytd since he was woken up from his sleep. and i thought 230pm ok la can la not too early not too late cus he has to shower and prep and come over to my area as well. after some calls he finally picked up and then it changed to a video call? he has been video calling me a lot these days like instead of the usual normal calls and i’m not complaining tbh hahahaha i actually love it cus i get to see his face even tho we’re not physically together but i look damn ugly ah so sometimes i’ll not put my face in the camera damn stupid i know cus it’s not like he hasn’t seen my face in its worst condition like back when my acne were literal cysts and he still stayed and didn’t leave but hahaha these kinda insecurities will take a looooooong time for it to go away one la hais anyway ok sorry back to the story of the day!!!

wtf sorry if the paragraphing is weird ah or if got long gaps cus i’m typing w my phone n idk why it’s not letting me like just down space once small little paragraph space but ok nvm let’s not bother about that lmao. ok so then i got ready and did my hair and i’m kinda regretting cutting bangs the other time cus my hair got used to the long fringe that now my bangs curl up if i don’t use hair straightener or if it got wet or if i sweat like it doesn’t stay straight down so sad. then picked out my outfit in my head but i was still wearing home clothes when he came over cus i thought i should wait before i change since we haven’t technically decided on where to go and i rly didn’t wanna sweat before we go out. then we laid in bed for a bit and farhan was being such a cranky old man i just wanna give him a loving punch but i didn’t ofc. then i changed and wore this super cute outfit with my windbreaker and i actually rly like what i wore wth like it’s cute ok but there he was judging my outfit 🙄 annoying pe hahahaha cus it was so hot out and for me to wear a wb like a bit crazy ah so we went out of the house n all then i forgot my damn mask again cb i cannot sia always forget nowadays like can they just lift the rules alr. so i went back to take and then i was like fak i cannot i gotta change into smth less hot bc it rly was so damn hot outside like it looks like it’s cloudy n was boutta rain but no sia so panas gila so i changed into this little ahpek blouse which tbh is one of my fav vintage blouse that i own. i like the fit of it it’s oversized but not too crazy oversized that it just looks weird. i asked farhan and he said it just looks like when someone had sex and then borrowed the man’s shirt to put on and i feel like wow that’s actually quite hot sia mcm give me a bit of an extra boost of confidence liddat lol but anyway ya besides the point.

then after that we went to tampines and had saap saap thai for our lunch. it was niceeee since we haven’t been there in a long while so the food was great at least imo la. but the chilli pedas gila but i think quite shiok ah. the soup if not spicy not nice or like still nice but not as nice if it’s not spicy. but i’m a noob so i put like hujung je the chilli hahahaha farhan put like half sia gila. we also had milk tea and green milk tea which was initially farhan’s but we swapped bc the milk tea was too sweet for me. then after that we went to nine fresh!!!! my top fav bbt shop currently bc of the rly interesting toppings u can put. i think next time i wanna buy 0% ah cus i feel like the 25% like quite sweet sia idk why or maybe it’s bc the toppings alr sweet so when it’s mixed it feels like there’s double the sweetness. then after that we went to this korea mart. shine korea i think but wtf i feel like the shine korea like....... idk sia they don’t have a lot of variety and they don’t sell loose packs like how i feel most korea mart actually sell loose packs of instant noodles. i still like the one at bedok maybe next time i’ll head there to buy the items i need and cook smth for farhan 😂 even tho it’s just instant noodles but i learned a recipe on how to enhance the noodles and make it taste professional looooool so i rly wanna try making that for us to eat next time. oh and i’m so happy that farhan enjoys my wrap!!!!! this would be a story for another day.

then after that decided to head back since there weren’t anymore korea marts around. i had to withdraw some money for my mom first so we did that then walked back to where he parked his bike. then upon reaching home we just rested up for a bit. watched some videos and all. and i just wanted to sleep idk why when i’m laying on his chest or like shoulder i feel sooo comfy i legit just wanna sleep. but as time kept ticking we decided to head outside to lepak since we’re not married yet perhaps he felt like it isn’t good or nice of him to stay in the house till late but idk i think my dad was kinda distracted with soccer to even care much today so i felt like we could have stayed longer if we wanted to and omg leh my stomach rly said hello go berak so many times to me today walao i think 3 times? but good la hais i’m so constipated sia my bowel movements damn irregular annoying sia and unhealthy hais. then when we were outside it started pouring!!!! at first not so heavy but it got heavier throughout and it felt so nice!! and i know farhan can’t do this often but he stayed till like 5am before he left and it just brings back that memories of when he would stay till late just to keep my company and spend more time with me.

sobsssss i miss him alr 😭😭😭😭😭😭

i forgot to wish him happy monthsary before he left and he just wished me now as i’m typing this i want to reply him so i’m just gonna end the post here okay hehe goodnight!!

[chulipss17]

This day, I wake up a little bit early than the usual, 'cause you know, there's this event in school that I participated to, and this will be absolutely fun! really! for this is my first time to join in a colored fun run and I really look forward for this day to happen, since then.

And right at this moment, I am rushing doing my thing, ahmm and yeah? because the gang is already here. I mean, right in front of our house waiting for me so that we can already go to Nasugbu altogether. So right now, we just got off from the jeep and we're late, but we still need to go and find a shoes to buy for Jamaicakakak, and after some minutes of such "tawad" talk to the vendor, we started walking instead of "running" because we are superrrr late and we can't do anything about that, so might as well chill while we can, right? While we're on our way to reach each destination, we're the ones who pour the colored water or whatsoever to ourselves that is inside the container.

We continue to walk, walk, walk, and walk not until we see an old, rugged stairs with its intricate design. Curiosity kills the cat, that's why we decided to go and take pictures that will serve as a remembrance to us when we're gray and old. After taking pictures, we walk again and after some time I just suddenly mumbled to myself "WTH? Kill me now, please!" because the participants of the colored fun run is already walking back home while I, with my friends didn't reach Cawayan Cove yet which is the final destination of the said event. But after that embarrassing moment, we continue on walking and we, the gang (jamaicakakak, jubita, ricaness,lunard, rhea and kobe) decided to go to jamaicakakak's home. While walking on our way , we take off our shoes from our feet because it feels numb, we continue on walking AGAIN like forever~~ while barefoot and the heat of the cruel rising sun is not helping anymore because it adds up the hurt that I'm feeling on the sole of my feet. We buy snacks on one of the sari-sari store because obviously I'm hungry, and so they are too which only leads to one thing and that is WE are all HUNGRY (chour hahaha) well, kidding aside.

Anyways, the thought that we will be at Jamaicakakak's house in any minute now, excites the shit out of me despite of the weariness that I'm feeling. (Weh? Hahaha)

When we're in the house we rested for a bit and then I waited for them to go back because they are the ones whose gonna buy the ingredients and condiments for the fish shanghai and pottage made of upo. So while waiting, rhea and I started to remove the fish' bones and then when they arrived we wrap it in the wrapper. Now, we're ready to experience things that I haven't experienced before and honestly today is my first time riding a boat and i feel nervous because I can't swim but at the same time happy because I will do it with my friends and together we will face our fears. And while we're in the middle of sailing, the sea waves is getting stronger and stronger but at this very moment I don't feel scared but it's the opposite of it, and I'm happy to know that.

The place is really beautiful. This is not my first time coming here but it really amazes me everytime I look on its horizon. The depth of its turquoise blue water is something that makes my mind go crazy thinking of it mystery. It is something that I get scared thinking of and at the same time I wish that I could go deep down there to see and know its beautiful parts that's been hidden and unseen from almost all of us.

We prepare the food on a leaf of banana just like on a boodle fight, we eat a lot, take pictures with the use of various shots that is incredible to post in IG. We swim on the sea but we are more careful for we can hurt ourselves in just a snap because of its rough rock but still it's a wonderful scenery.

This day is indeed a long day.

All the weariness that I'm feeling now is all worth it, I can say. Those long walks that I've never done before is good because I got to know more things about my friends and I've got an opportunity to see that place again which helps me to self-reflect on all the things that just happened this day.

That in every decision we make, in every path we take, and in every place we go there's something that we would learn from our journey. We meet people, be friends with them, and the most heartbreaking part is that, we still part ways, in the end. But ofcourse it's our decision if we would want to meet again. And that's good. That's what everybody wants. But then again, not everybody chose to meet again because they're thinking that on that way they will grow better and I think it's incredulously stupid. Because we can still grow and be at our bestest if we are comfortable to the the ones we're with.

Everything's uncertain and I can't just hold on forever to the things that I'm not sure of. Because not all of our relationships with our friends is a success. So whatever happens in the future and if this friendship is not for a lifetime (which I really hope this would be), I'll just have to accept what would life can give me. Because at least I have memories that's in me that I will probably never forget and let go of even if I have to, because that's already a part of me. And even if it hurts me, I will still hold on to the memories that we have made together. Not because I need to or I have to but because I love to. And I would love to live in the moment and cherish every moment that's only left to us. Hoping to have more travel and experience with the gang.

And IF EVER we would part our ways someday, I would only say jaljinero, chinguya' and see you soon, luvyah!

[romanceabstained]

When it rains, it pours..

So it’s been 2 weeks since the start of this hiatus on love and all things related to it. Honestly I never thought it would be all that hard. Just got to keep my mind focused away from all that lovey dovey hoopla right? I mean, I never really had been asked on dates before this(I was always seen more as a good friend type)

Yeah well the universe heard my vow and seem to decide “Oh man...lets test this b*tch.” 

I have been asked out no less than 3 times. Three. Times. Guys! I’ve had to ask out every guy I’ve been with! WTH. Admittedly I feel really bad turning them down for the simple fact that it is hella hard to put yourself out there like that! You guys know this! And my weird sounding “I can’t because I made a new years resolution to not do anything of that sort for one year.” sounds like the weirdest cop out ever. 

But I am sticking to my guns guys. None of this romance nonsense. I mean we want to be our best selves going into relationships don’t we? Isn’t that the kindest thing we can do for whomever we go along with? I ask a lot of questions for someone that isn’t even sharing this with anyone XD

Yesterday I told you about my particularly low point that made me question my footloose and fancy free approach to dating, today we shall talk about one that made me want to be a better person going into a relationship.

It’s my friends actually. In specific, my bois Tim and Chance who represent very different sides of the approach to dating. 

Chance is a hard core romantic, but you wouldn’t guess it by looking at him. Sharp gaze, kind of posture that makes you feel like you have to be on guard. But he’s my friend that gives me extra hugs when I’m down, sends me cute comics about cliche highschool loves because he needs to share the “aww” factor. He falls very easily and has such hope for every encounter that this THIS is the one! He keeps putting himself out there despite all setbacks and its honestly inspiring!

Tim is a lot more closed off, but he comes across as the open fun guy. Always ready with a weird joke, a fact about history, a terrible pun. The kind of person who comes off as cuddly and makes everyone in the room feel welcome and at ease. But he isn’t the biggest for hugs and it’s hard to know what’s going on in his noggin unless he wants you to. He’s got the philosophy that one should have themselves sorted before going into a relationship, that if you can’t bring something better to the table then you should wait until you can. This very sharp self aware nature is admirable because it requires such astute levels self awareness that you don’t see often.

These 2 appear so very different than their hearts seem to hold. Chance keeps me believing in love, Tim reminds me that love is more than just a feeling. I’m very lucky to have them both around me. 

So even though I do feel bad about turning someone down who has braved rejection, I’ve got a lot of work on myself to do first. I’m not going to lose my faith in love though. Just gotta get ready for it.

D

[winewitandwords]

If you hear hoofbeats....

They say that when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras. And that’s something that’s really been on my mind lately- think the norm, not the exception. But what happens when the norm for you is a conditioned response, or a negative self talk and conversation. What happens when you’ve been through so much that those hoofbeats take you right back to where you’ve fought so hard to come back from? What do I mean exactly? Well, earlier today I was talking with a friend that has a similar history of bad decisions and experiences when it comes to the men we chose to let into our lives, and we started discussing how the triggers we have- like the tells weve discovered from our past partners, the lies weve been told, the feelings weve felt, can cause us to have issues in our current relationships or even present as problems in building future relationships. For example, my friend is seeing someone that works away a lot, and while he texts her every morning, and sends her good morning selfies and makes a consistent and honest effort to maintain  contact every day, its hard for her not to think about what he could be doing while hes away from her. Its hard for her not to think the worst each and every time he falls asleep without texting her back or saying goodnight. Is it because hes a bad guy? Is it because she doesn’t trust him, or the foundation for the relationship isn’t there? No, it has nothing to do with him, honestly- he could be the greatest, sweetest, most amazing man, and shed still have those issues.  Its hard for her to establish a positive response, to have that reassuring self conversation that can calm her nerves and ease her mind, because she is so conditioned to the worst case scenario- she hears those hoofbeats and she thinks horses, because that’s what her past experiences have led her to think- when in reality, perhaps she should be thinking zebras, because the fact that its not the norm, is really kind of the whole point, isn’t it?

So how does one re-train themselves to think zebras? How do we undo the incredible amounts of damage that have been inflicted by past partners and experiences? Its not like theres some magical easy button or eraser that can undo where weve been and what weve gone through- and I personally don’t think that erasing it from our history is the answer. I think that to fully change our mindframe, to allow ourselves to step away from the conditioned responses that weve developed in the past, we have to allow ourselves to first fully explore and come to terms with where weve been and what has happened. I think we need to learn how to air our dirty laundry, how to bring the feelings and experiences that weve hidden so deeply away, to  light, and truly examine them- so that we can take away the power that they are still able to hold over us. Easier said than done, right? Well, Im a firm believer in practicing what I preach, and heaven knows, I have a lot of past baggage that still holds power over me. I’ve always felt like I needed to hide the broken pieces of myself, like having gone through some of what Ive been through has made me “damaged goods” and cast me off in a corner of misfits and broken souls.

 Recently however, I have been really focusing on coming back to terms with myself and really working on falling back in love with the person that looks back at me every morning in the mirror. Ive been re-learning the importance of self care and learning how to be at peace with my choices, and experiences, even if some of them have been less than stellar or led to less than healthy places. And I truly believe that an important aspect of that is finally being able to talk about some of the things I’ve gone through- to finally face them and be able to be so completely honest about them- something that hasnt always been easy for me, as I’ve always been that annoyingly stubborn person wth the impossibly high walls and have always been absolutely terrible at letting anyone see the vulnerable, raw and true parts of me. 

Why here? Why now? Why anonymously for the whole world to read? That part is easy to answer. Here- because its safe. Its the world wide web, where no one knows me, no one is looking over my shoulder or down their noses at me- judging where I’ve been or what I’ve done. I mean, go ahead and judge- I fully expect it- how could I not when I still judge myself so harshly over some of these things- all Im saying is in the land of the interwebs, its less scary to open up and face those judgments, as I wont have to face the one issuing them every day in my every day life. Anonymously because I can change names and locations to protect all of the players in some of these stories, including my beautiful baby girl who doesnt need to grow up in the shadow of her mommy’s past transgressions, and my friends and family, who are not always completely innocent, but have also never asked to have their selves raked over the coals in the process of my own journey. As for why now? Because I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting emotional battles that no one understands, over things that no one really knows about or has seen in their entirety. I’m tired of being so emotionally exhausted from trying to hold all my broken pieces in, and hiding the damage that they cause on a daily basis, of telling people “I’m fine” when truthfully, I am so far from fine that its not even funny. I’m tired of feeling guilt and shame over my deepest, darkest secrets, instead of facing them and accepting them as part of what has made me who I am today. And, finally, as far as why am I posting any of this to the world at all? That one is a no brainer for me. I know that I am not the only one that has struggles. I know that I am not the only one that has been through hardships and pain and made bad choices and had to suffer the consequences. I know that there are others out there that are feeling lost and alone and confused and broken- and I know how much I wished that there had just been that one person that understood totally and completely where I was coming from. I want to be that person. I’m hoping that these words may find their way to someone that needs to hear them, that they may bring light to someone thats been stuck in their dark place for far too long. Im hoping that they will inspire courage and hope, as well as entertain and bring laughter- because, folks, if you cant find even the slightest sliver of humor in admist of the darkness, you can trust that me and my big mouth and sarcastic tendencies will find some for you! 

Anxiety and depression, post traumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder, bipolar- so many more to list, these are all conditions that make things from our past so much harder to face and process, and I have a few of them in the bag. And honestly, were all in this together. So please,  if you feel like following, reading, feeling, pull up a seat and settle on in. I recommend pouring a glass of wine or something of the sort- god knows I’ve probably got a glass going 90% of the time while Im writing, and good wine deserves good company- and hopefully what you feel will be good reading. Thats about all I have for now- stay tuned for the next post... where I’ll really start to delve into the fun stuff, once I decide which pile of dirty laundry to pull out first. I want all you beautiful souls to keep your heads up- youre amazing!

[b4tty-b00]

Oh wow, back on it again- (Mar 18. 2021, 5:42pm)

Literally not much to say today, just, a lil s p i c e text

uhhhh, self care to me i s in fact rereading old texts as well as old fics that made me feel something that isnt good,,,, and if you say its not and call me self destructive (ahem, yes im talking to you Hem even though youll never see this-) anyways if you say that? then,,youre right but also vERY WRONG---- id rather bawl on my floor about things that are out of my control than deal with the fact that im moving and leaving all of my comfort things---- Haha hoo hoo,,,, h a---- I am repressing every feeling currently besides uncomfort and thats quite fitting to my personal brand

Also! I have four songs that are helping me through this, and those songs are, Heatwaves - Glass Animals, Butch 4 Butch - Rio Romeo, Hey Bunny - Bowie Bugs, and finally Le Velo Pour Deux - The Brobecks (Which I just found out??? has Dallon Weekes?? Who after brobecks joined Panic! and then went and formed iDKHOW??? What??? I literally,, fell inlove with The Brobecks like, last year? and j u s t found that out??? My sister and I have had iDKHOW and Panic! on shuffle wth guys-)

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

10:27 pm of December 28.

The exact time I officially started my blog about whoever this person may be.

It’s her birthday today. God forgive me, I even forgot how old she is. Well, I’m quite certain she’s 40. Let me check in facebook for a few minutes. Lol. So, it’s more than a few minutes and the iPad was already lowbat and also, I don’t want to leave my room just yet not until I’ve finished this. Subsequently, while waiting for the wifi and internet to have a fast connection I ponder on these few questions: Why I am talking about these random things when there are other things to think and write about? Why do I love procrastinating so much? Does it do me good? Or does it not?

In this situation, it does not do me any good. The person who means the world to me thinks that she means nothing to us. The person I’d hate not to see the moment I open my eyes as I wake up every morning rants that what if she’s already gone. The person who was obviously offended due to her tone as she talks about how I write long messages to other people while to her I do not. But hey, isn’t it the thought that counts?

Just kidding, Mom.  

When I was a child what I felt towards my mom was almost close to hate. I hated how she scolded me with her booming and blasting voice. I hated how every time she and Daddy got mad at me when I was a little kid, I wished for my death and wished to run away (so actually this was a personal issue lol; suicidal pala talaga akong bata wth).  I hated how she was unfair whenever me and my sister quarreled, always telling me to understand because I was the eldest. But when in fact it was her who couldn’t understand me. Here’s the first entry I wrote about my Mom on my diary last May 24, 2014:

                                                                                                                                                                        1st page

                                                2nd page

I browsed through more of my entries and here are some of what I read:

·         “She doesn’t know what I feel, she never does and she doesn’t understand me at all!! At times like this, I pray to the Lord that I wanna die. I know its to harsh [luh wrong grammar ako noon HAHA] and that God created me for a reason and a purpose but WHAT?! Is my purpose so they could scold at somebody? Because that’s what I think. I really hope that someone could understand me, well I know God does, Jesus does but maybe in person, someone I could open up to and someone who understands me.”

·         “Really, Mommy are you seriously going to that and you really have low confidence in me ha?! You DEFINITELY DON’T KNOW ME MOM and would you please stop humiliating me in front of people, it pisses me off but you probably don’t know that because or so you could just have something to talk about!! Grr….” (So the next lines were gruesome and creepy since there was a part I wanted to chop her lips off and spray some magic fairy dust on her so she wouldn’t talk for a decade; I was definitely a sort-of awful child I’m sorry)

·         “…Push her so she would stop but only if I could or maybe worst and I was really filled with anger and rage that time, I could even pull my hair out to get her attention and stop talking, only if it was possible.”

 (It’s 12: 00 of December 29, 2017 already. This greeting is already late. Hayy.  

Me: Should I continue? 

Also, me: Yes, for multiple reasons.) 

As I browsed through my first entries of 2014, I was almost close to tears. The mixture of 1% water and 99% emotions welled up in my eyes. I remember this read by Mommy a few years back without me knowing at that time. And, she was hurt. Deeply hurt. That kind of pain you could forgive but not forget.  I was like stabbing her with knives, thorns and needles with my words. 

Years passed by and the anger I felt died from within. It all started last year, 2016. That year was one hell of a ride for me and I really mean hell. I thought that year was the worst but it wasn’t after all. Those were my last 3 months of Grade 8 which I very much enjoyed and didn’t want to end. I might’ve suffered last year but I one monumental thing came out of it and that was my deeper bond with my Mom. I wanted to regret my choices and decisions that year. I wanted a time machine to replay all of it. I wanted another chance to change my fate. But now as I type of all of these, I’m glad all of it happened. I’m grateful for all those circumstances because without them I might’ve never been closer to my Mom.  

12: 22 am

Hey, it’s not your birthday anymore but I still want to greet you. Happy Birthday Mommyy! Here’s my message:

 Dear Mommy,                

          You are the warmth the sun gives us each and every day. You are an umbrella that shields us from the droplets of evil and wicked conspiring in this world. You are our paved and cemented road that leads us to the path we ought to take. You are a butterfly that pollinates us your flowers [children] with your ideas, advices and life lessons. You are like a book that fills us up with wisdom and knowledge we need in this long journey. You are like a brand-new mattress that might be hard at first but could give us comfort along the process. You are like a precious teddy bear we get attached to and always seek for either at day or at night. You are our dear Mommy that we ever love so dearly. 

12:45 am need to sleep 

7:20 of December 29 continuation…                

        Thank you, Mommy, for everything. Thank you for having patience with me and for never giving up on me even if you can’t handle the pain anymore. Thank you for constantly defending me and for standing up for me when I was weak and couldn’t even do it for myself. Thank you for being the person I’ve been praying to God to enter my life last 2014 when you were already a part of it since the beginning. Thank you because you always tell me to strengthen my faith and seek God in  darkest and happiest moments of my life. Thank you for being one of my light in the midst of darkness Mommy. I wouldn’t have survived last year and this year without you. Thank you for helping me fight and conquer my demons. For pouring your heart and soul just to fix me until you had nothing left for yourself. For always telling me to be strong for myself, for you my parents and my family and also for the dreams and aspirations I have. Thank you, Mommy, for all the things you’ve done for me, down to the smallest actions and minimal words that has a massive impact in my life. But most of all, thank you for loving me and rest of our family unconditionally. 

10:32 am of December 31. The time I opened this document to finish my blog and already 3 days late for a birthday greeting (due to parties and celebrations with my family).

          Lastly, I want to say I’m sorry Mommy. Sorry for everything I’ve done and said to hurt you. For making you cry and being the time capsule or a reminiscence to the dreadful past you never want to experience again. I’m truly sorry for everything. I will do my very best to be a better daughter to you guys my parents and also to God.

 I love you Mommy with all my heart and soul. Don’t ever forget that.

 PS. Happy New Year everyoneeee! God bless us all!