#If the actors fuck up any of the characters roles I’m leaving that theater

[ziggityzigg]

I just found out that Snotlout was officially casted in the new live action.. and to say..

Madly disappointed.

Oh, And Fishlegs is casted too!

Anyway. I’m madly disappointed on these roles, but, I will say that I am gonna be giving the live action a chance. I know that Jullian Dennison (the second picture) plays in some movies i know.

But I don’t know who the fuck the other guy is. (Gabriel Howell.)

Here’s the twins as well:)

(Bronwyn James and Harry Trevaldwyn.)

I mean.. they’re supposed to look like twins.. right?

[morallyinept]

Shoot: GQ Spain September 2017 & GQ Mexico November 2017 Issues (Same Interview I believe, correct me if I'm wrong)

Photographer: Giampaolo Sgura

Interviewer: Maria Contreras

Grooming: Not Confirmed

Full interview, behind the scenes, outtakes & shoot photographs below. 👇🏻

Jett's Pedro's Shoots Masterlist

• Cover shot and original images used in the magazines.

Video Translation: "Hi, I'm Pedro Pascal. Here doing a photo shoot for GQ Spain... He's very shy, but very talented. And, well, I hope you like the photos, and I had a great time doing it. GQ Spain. She dressed me... all very shy. There it goes!"

Full Interview Translated

First ‘Game of Thrones’, then 'Narcos’ and now glory. We spoke with the Chilean actor about succeeding at 40, his 'little brother’ Miguel Ángel Silvestre, and his non-existent training routine.

The actor has arrived at the London studio hosting this shooting from Seattle, where he has just shot an indie film, and as soon as the interview is over he will fly to Los Angeles on his way to San Diego Comic-Con. An intense schedule for an actor who, until just four years ago, considered that appearing in a chapter of 'Nikita’ or 'Law and Order’ was like a winning lottery ticket.

Seasoned in theater and television, Pascal had developed “the professional ability to survive. I have been going to castings since I was 20 years old, and I had begun to assume that maybe my dream was not viable and to consider that making a living from acting, even anonymously, could also be considered a success. Also, in New York I was sheltered by my sister and my friends, whom I could always count on when I ran out of money. But then 'Game of Thrones’ came along and everything changed for me.”

His brief appearance in Westeros as Prince Oberyn finally caused him to leave the ranks of the eternal aspiring stars. His popularity has only strengthened with 'Narcos’, of which the third season premieres on September 1 on Netflix. Without Escobar, and without Murphy, the plot now centers on the Cali cartel: “It’s a different empire that has more money, more power, more control and more discipline, so it will be much more difficult for my character to dismantle it, because they have their hands in everyone’s pockets." 

The Spanish Miguel Ángel Silvestre, Javier Cámara and Tristán Ulloa have joined the cast, and to say that they have got on well with Pascal would be an understatement. “Miguel Ángel in particular is like my little brother. We met in the United States a long time ago and became instant friends."

However, getting famous around 40 also has its advantages, for example, you think more about squandering your salary on sport-cars and yachts. “I can’t afford yachts. Yes, I have bought a car, but it’s a Mini Cooper, so it’s not terribly extravagant. I’m already very used to my habits, and I think that’s the luxury; experiencing a certain level of exposure when you’re older, you’ve already become the person you are and there are certain things that it’s too late to change. A nice new thing about not being under financial pressure is that I can do things for the people I care about. I know it makes me sound noble, but what I like most in the world is being in a position to help someone."

In these troubled times, there are many people that Pascal believes must be helped. When he was a few months old, his family left Santiago in Chile to escape the Pinochet regime. They received asylum in Denmark and later moved to the US, where Pedro and his three siblings grew up as gringos, first in Texas and later in California.

Today, the political climate in his adopted country literally robs him of any dreams. “We are living in a terrifying time. I have no idea what the future holds, I just know that at every opportunity I will stand up for what I think is right. And that includes the fucking fabulous diversity in North America."

Every successful actor knows which role changed their lives, and Pedro Pascal’s was the scene stealer of the fourth season of 'Game of Thrones’. His bloody death by the hands of The Mountain has been burned into our memory, for sure. (Trivia: the actor who plays the huge Lannister bully had been chosen as the third strongest man in the world in a championship shortly before filming that fight.) Several actors on the series have admitted that they read scripts with apprehension, but Pascal knew from the first audition that Oberyn Martell would die in that season. 

What he didn’t know was how - he learned that his brains would end up on the ground almost in passing. "I was talking to the showrunners and in a very casual way they told me, 'we'll have to send you to London to do a cast of your head.’ And I was like 'and why my head?’ And they said 'because we're going to have to gouge out your eyes and smash your skull in...' And I said, 'so, this is how I die? You sick bastards!" He remembers between laughter.

Another experience that he will never forget was the filming in 2014 of the video clip 'Fire Meets Gasoline’, by Sia, in which he starred alongside Heidi Klum, including a bed scene. "What was it like? It was good. It was really good (laughs). To put it mildly, she has been a popular figure in my life over the years, so just seeing me in my underwear and running around with her was very surreal." 

As if all of the above were not enough, very soon Pedro Pascal will also look at us from the bus stops in the new Solo Loewe fragrance campaign, a collaboration that has only rekindled his attachment to Spain. “I have a tremendously romantic relationship with Spain. My grandfather’s family was Basque, my grandmother was born in Majorca, and I studied there as a young man one summer and immediately felt at home. So having the opportunity to collaborate with such a creative and stylish Spanish team has been really special. I have to figure it out how to move there once and for all."

Perhaps a shoot will facilitate the transfer. Pascal is a great admirer of Spanish cinema, but with Almodóvar’s he has a personal connection. “My parents took me to see 'Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown’ at the only art-house cinema in Orange County, and I no longer stopped going. I lost my mother 17 years ago, and the way in which she identified with Almodóvar’s characters means that his cinema has always played a very emotional role in my life."

At 42 years old, another of his pending subjects is to find a trainer who will help him. "Discipline with sport has always been very difficult for me. You know what pisses me off? The asshole of Miguel Ángel Silvestre, who is physically like a superhero. Sometimes I would kill him, but I also want him to teach me to follow a routine." 

Are you asking Silvestre from here to become your personal trainer? 

"Exactly. What’s more, I’m going to call him as soon as we finish talking."

Jett's Pedro's Shoots Masterlist

[xoruffitup]

Annette: The AD Devotee Review

So I saw Annette on its premiere night in Cannes and I’m still trying to process and make sense of those 2.5 hours of utter insanity. I have no idea where to begin and this is likely going to become an unholy length by the time I’m finished, so I apologize in advance. But BOY I’ve got a lot to parse through!!

Let’s start here: Adam’s made plenty of weird movies. The Dead Don’t Die? The Man Who Killed Don Quixote? There are definitely Terry Gilliam-esque elements of the unapologetically absurd and fantastical in Annette, but NOTHING comes close to this film. To put it bluntly, nothing I write in this post can prepare you for the eccentric phantasmagoria you’re about to sit through.

While the melodies conveying the story – at times lovely and haunting, at times whimsical, occasionally blunt and simple – add a unique sense of the surreal, the fact that it’s all presented in song somehow supplies the medium for this bizarre concoction of disparate elements and outlandish storytelling to all coalesce into a single genre-defying, disbelief-suspending whole. That’s certainly not to say there weren’t a few times when I quietly chortled to myself and mouthed “what the fuck” from behind my mask when things took an exceeding turn to the outrageous. This movie needs to be permitted a bit of leeway in terms of quality judgments, and traditional indicators certainly won’t apply. I would say part of its appeal (and ultimately its success) stems from its lack of interest in appealing to traditional arbiters of film structure and viewing experience. The movie lingers in studies of discomfiture (I’ll return to this theme); it presents all its absurdities with brazen pride rather than temperance; and its end is abrupt and utterly jarring. Yet somehow, at the end of it, I realized I’d been white-knuckling that rollercoaster ride the whole way through and loved every last twist and turn.

A note on the structure of this post before I dive in: I’ve written out a synopsis of the whole film (for those spoiler-hungry people) and stashed it down at the bottom of this post, so no one trying to avoid spoilers has to scroll through. If you want to read, go ahead and skip down to that before reading the discussion/analysis. If I have to reference a specific plot point, I’ll label it “Spoiler #___” and those who don’t mind being spoiled can check the correlating numbers in my synopsis to see which part I’m referencing. Otherwise, my discussion will be spoiler-free! I do detail certain individual scenes, but hid anything that would give away key developments and/or the ending.

To start, I’ll cut to what I’m sure many of you are here for: THE MUSICAL SEX SCENES. You want detailed descriptions? Well let’s fucking go because these scenes have been living in my head rent-free!!

The first (yes, there are two. Idk whether to thank Mr. Carax or suggest he get his sanity checked??) happens towards the end of “We Love Each Other So Much.” Henry carries Ann to the bed with her feet dangling several inches off the floor while she has her arms wrapped around his shoulders. (I maybe whimpered a tiny bit.) As they continue to sing, you first see Ann spread on her back on the bed, panting a little BUT STILL SINGING while Henry’s head is down between her thighs. The camera angle is from above Ann’s head, so you can clearly see down her body and exactly what’s going on. He lifts his head to croon a line, then puts his mouth right back to work. 

And THEN they fuck – still fucking singing! They’re on their sides with Henry behind her, and yes there is visible thrusting. Yes, the thrusting definitely picks up speed and force as the song reaches its crescendo. Yes, it was indeed EXTREMELY sensual once you got over the initial shock of what you’re watching. Ann kept her breasts covered with her own hands while Henry went down on her, but now his hands are covering them and kneading while they’re fucking and just….. It’s a hard, blazing hot R rating. I also remember his giant hand coming up to turn her head so he can kiss her and ladkjfaskfjlskfj. Bring your smelling salts. I don’t recommend sitting between two older ladies while you’re watching – KINDA RUINED THE BLATANT, SMOKING HOT ADAM PORN FOR ME. Good god, choose your viewing buddy wisely!

The second scene comes sort of out of nowhere – I can’t actually recall which song it was during, but it pops up while Ann is pregnant. Henry is again eating her out and there’s not as much overt singing this time, but he has his giant hands splayed over her pregnant belly while he’s going to town and whew, WHEW TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONING PLEASE. DID THE THEATER INCREASE IN TEMPERATURE BY 10 DEGREES, YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT DID.

Whew. I think you’ll be better primed to ~enjoy~ those scenes when you know they’re coming, otherwise it’s just so shocking that by the time you’ve processed “Look at Adam eating pussy with reckless abandon” it’s halfway over already. God speed, my fellow rats, it’s truly something to witness!!

Okay. Right. Ahem. Moving right on along….

I’ll kick off this discussion with the formal structure of the film. It’s honestly impossible to classify. I have the questionable fortune of having been taken to many a strange avant-garde operas and art exhibitions by my parents when I was younger, and the strongest parallel I found to this movie was melodramatic opera stagings full of flamboyant flourishes, austere set pieces, and prolonged numbers where the characters wallow at length in their respective miseries. This movie has all the elevated drama, spectacle, and self-aggrandizement belonging to any self-professed rock opera. Think psychedelic rock opera films a la The Who’s Tommy, Hair, Phantom of the Paradise, and hell, even Rocky Horror. Yes, this film really is THAT weird.

But Annette is also in large part a vibrant, absurdist performance piece. The film is intriguingly book-ended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character; and your own role blurs between passive viewer and interactive audience. The first scene has the cast walking through the streets of LA (I think?), singing “So May We Start?” directly to the camera in a self-aware prologue, smashing the fourth wall from the beginning and setting up the audience to play a direct role in the viewing experience. Though the cast then disburse and take up their respective roles, the sense of being directly performed to is reinforced throughout the film. This continues most concretely through Henry’s multiple stand-up comedy performances.

Though he performs to an audience in the film rather than directly to live viewers, these scenes are so lengthy, vulgar, and excessive that his solo performance act becomes an integral part of defining his character and conveying his arc as the film progresses. These scenes start to make the film itself feel like a one-man show. The whole shtick of Henry McHenry’s “Ape of God” show is its perverse irreverence and swaggering machismo. Over the span of what must be a five minute plus scene, Henry hacks up phlegm, pretends to choke himself with his microphone cord, prances across the stage with his bathrobe flapping about, simulates being shot, sprinkles many a misanthropic, charmless monologues in between, and ends by throwing off his robe and mooning the audience before he leaves the stage. (Yes, you see Adam’s ass within the film’s first twenty minutes, and we’re just warming up from there.) His one-man performances demonstrate his egocentrism, penchant for lowbrow and often offensive humor, and the fact that this character has thus far profited from indulging in and acting out his base vulgarities.

While never demonstrating any abundance of good taste, his shows teeter firmly towards the grotesque and unsanctionable as his marriage and mental health deteriorate. This is what I’m referring to when I described the film as a study in discomfiture. As he deteriorates, the later iterations of his stand-up show become utterly unsettling and at times revolting. The film could show mercy and stop at one to two minutes of his more deranged antics, but instead subjects you to a protracted display of just how insane this man might possibly be. In Adam’s hands, these excessive, indulgent performance scenes take on disturbing but intriguing ambiguity, as you again wonder where the performance ends and the real man begins. When Henry confesses to a crime during his show and launces into an elaborate, passionate reenactment on stage, you shift uncomfortably in your seat wondering how much of it might just be true. Wondering just how much of an animal this man truly is.

Watching this film as an Adam fan, these scenes are unparalleled displays of his range and prowess. He’s in turns amusing and revolting; intolerable and pathetic; but always, always riveting. I couldn’t help thinking to myself that for the casual, non Adam-obsessed viewer, the effect of these scenes might stop at crass and unappealing. But in terms of the sheer range and power of acting on display? These scenes are a damn marvel. Through these scenes alone, his performance largely imbues the film with its wild, primal, and vaguely menacing atmosphere.

His stand-up scenes were, to me, some of the most intense of the film – sometimes downright difficult to endure. But they’re only a microcosm of the R A N G E he exhibits throughout the film’s entirety. Let’s talk about how he’s animalistic, menacing, and genuinely unsettling to watch (Leos Carax described him as “feline” at some point, and I 100% see it); and then with a mere subtle twitch of his expression, sheen of his eyes, or slump of his shoulders, he’s suddenly a lost, broken thing.  

Henry McHenry is truly to be reviled. Twitter might as well spare their breath and announce he’s already cancelled. He towers above the rest of the cast with intimidating, predatory physicality; he is prone to indulgence in his vices; and he constantly seems at risk of releasing some wild, uncontrollable madness lingering just beneath his surface. But as we all well know, Adam has an unerring talent for lending pathos to even the most objectively condemnable characters.

In a repeated refrain during his first comedy show, the audience keeps asking him, “Why did you become a comedian?” He dodges the question or gives sarcastic answers, until finally circling back to the true answer later in the film. It was something to the effect of: “To disarm people. It’s the only way I can tell the truth without it killing me.” Even for all their sick spectacle, there are also moments in his stand-up shows of disarming vulnerability and (seeming) honesty. In a similar moment of personal exposition, he confesses his temptation and “sympathy for the abyss.” (This phrase is hands down my favorite of the film.) He repeatedly refers to his struggle against “the abyss” and, at the same time, his perceived helplessness against it. “There’s so little I can do, there’s so little I can do,” he sings repeatedly throughout the film - usually just after doing something horrific.

Had he been played by anyone else, the first full look of him warming up before his show - hopping in place and punching the air like some wannabe boxer, interspersing puffs of his cigarette with chowing down on a banana – would have been enough for me to swear him off. His archetype is something of a cliché at this point – a brusque, boorish man who can’t stomach or preserve the love of others due to his own self-loathing. There were multiple points when it was only Adam’s face beneath the character that kept my heart cracked open to him. But sure enough, he wedged his fingers into that tiny crack and pried it wide open. The film’s final few scenes show him at his chin-wobbling best as he crumbles apart in small, mournful subtleties.

(General, semi-spoiler ahead as to the tone of the film’s ending – skip this paragraph if you’d rather avoid.) For a film that professes not to take itself very seriously (how else am I supposed to interpret the freaky puppet baby?), it delivers a harsh, unforgiving ending to its main character. And sure enough, despite how much I might have wanted to distance myself and believe it was only what he deserved, I found myself right there with him, sharing his pain. It is solely testament to Adam’s tireless dedication to breathing both gritty realism and stubborn beauty into his characters that Henry sank a hook into some piece of my sympathy.

Not only does Adam have to be the only actor capable of imbuing Henry with humanity despite his manifold wrongs, he also has to be the only actor capable of the wide-ranging transformations demanded of the role. He starts the movie with long hair and his full refrigerator brick house physique. His physicality and size are actively leveraged to engender a sense of disquiet and unpredictability through his presence. He appears in turns tormented and tormentor. There were moments when I found myself thinking of Conan the Barbarian, simply because his physical presence radiates such wild, primal energy (especially next to tiny, dainty Marion and especially with that long hair). Cannot emphasize enough: The raw sex appeal is off the goddamn charts and had me – a veteran fangirl of 3+ years - shook to my damn core.

The film’s progression then ages him – his hair cut shorter and his face and physique gradually becoming more gaunt. By the film’s end, he has facial prosthetics to make him seem even more stark and borderline sickly – a mirror of his growing internal torment. From a muscular, swaggering powerhouse, he pales and shrinks to a shell of a man, unraveling as his face becomes nearly deformed by time and guilt. He is in turns beautiful and grotesque; sensual and repulsive. I know of no other actor whose face (and its accompanying capacity for expressiveness) could lend itself to such stunning versatility.

Quick note here that he was given a reddish-brown birthmark on the right side of his face for this film?? It becomes more prominent once his hair is shorter in the film’s second half. I’m guessing it was Leos’ idea to make his face even more distinctive and riveting? If so, joke’s on you, Mr. Carax, because we’re always riveted. ☺

I mentioned way up at the beginning that the film is bookended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character, and between reality and performance. This comes full circle at the film’s end, with Henry’s final spoken words (this doesn’t give any plot away but skip to the next paragraph if you would rather avoid!) being “Stop watching me.” That’s it. The show is over. He has told his last joke, played out his final act, and now he’s done living his life as a source of cheap, unprincipled laughs and thrills for spectators. The curtain closes with a resounding silence.

Now, I definitely won’t have a section where I talk (of course) about the Ben Solo parallels. He’s haunted by an “abyss” aka darkness inside of him? Bad things happened when he finally gave in and stared into that darkness he knew lived within him? As a result of those tragedies, (SPOILER – Skip to next paragraph to avoid) he then finds himself alone and with no one to love or be loved by? NO I’M DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT AT ALL, I’M JUST FINE HERE UNDER MY MOUNTAINS OF TISSUES.

Let’s talk about the music! The film definitely clocks in closer to a rock opera than musical, because almost the entire thing is conveyed through ongoing song, rather than self-contained musical numbers appearing here and there. This actually helps the film’s continuity and pacing, by keeping the characters perpetually in this suspended state of absurdity, always propelled along by some beat or melody. Whenever the film seems on the precipice of tipping all the way into the bleak and dark, the next whimsical tune kicks in to reel us all blessedly back. For example, after (SPOILER #1) happens, there’s a hard cut to the bright police station where several officers gather around Henry, bopping about and chattering on the beat “Questions! We have a few questions!”

Adam integrates his singing into his performance in such a way that it seems organic. I realized after the film that I never consciously considered the quality of his singing along the way. For all that I talked about the film maintaining the atmosphere of a fourth wall-defying performance piece, Adam’s singing is so fully immersed in the embodiment of his character that you almost forget he’s singing. Rather, this is simply how Henry McHenry exists. His stand-up scenes are the only ones in the film that do frequently transition back and forth between speaking and singing, but it’s seamlessly par for the course in Henry’s bizarre, dour show. He breaks into his standard “Now laugh!” number with uninterrupted sarcasm and contempt. There were certainly a few soft, poignant moments when his voice warbled in a tender vibrato you couldn’t help noticing – but otherwise, the singing was simply an extension of that full-body persona he manages to convey with such apparent ease and naturalism.

On the music itself: I’ll admit that the brief clip of “We Love Each Other So Much” we got a few weeks ago made me a tad nervous. It seemed so cheesy and ridiculous? But okay, you really can’t take anything from this movie out of context. Otherwise it is, indeed, utterly ridiculous. Not that none of it is ever ridiculous in context either, but I’m giving you assurances right now that it WORKS. Once you’re in the flow of constant singing and weirdness abound, the songs sweep you right along. Some of the songs lack a distinctive hook or melody and are moreso rhythmic vehicles for storytelling, but it’s now a day later and I still have three of the songs circulating pleasantly in my head. “We Love Each Other So Much” was actually the stand out for me and is now my favorite of the soundtrack. It’s reprised a few times later in the film, growing increasingly melancholy each time it is echoed, and it hits your heart a bit harder each time. The final song sung during (SPOILER #2), though without a distinctive melody to lodge in my head, undoubtedly left me far more moved than a spoken version of this scene would have. Adam’s singing is so painfully desperate and earnest here, and he takes the medium fully under his command.

Finally, it does have to be said that parts of this film veer fully towards the ridiculous and laughable. The initial baby version of the Annette puppet-doll was nothing short of horrifying to me. Annette gets more center-stage screen time in the film’s second half, which gives itself over to a few special effects sequences which look to be flying out at you straight from 2000 Windows Movie Maker. The scariest part is that it all seems intentional. The quality special effects appear when necessary (along with some unusual and captivating time lapse shots), which means the film’s most outrageous moments are fully in line with its guiding spirit. Its extravagant self-indulgence nearly borders on camp.

...And with that, I’ve covered the majority of the frantic notes I took for further reflection immediately after viewing. It’s now been a few days, and I’m looking forward to rewatching this movie when I can hopefully take it in a bit more fully. This time, I won’t just be struggling to keep up with the madness on screen. My concluding thoughts at this point: Is it my favorite Adam movie? Certainly not. Is it the most unforgettable? Aside from my holy text, The Last Jedi, likely yes. It really is the sort of thing you have to see twice to even believe it. And all in all, I say again that Adam truly carried this movie, and he fully inhabits even its highest, most ludicrous aspirations. He’s downright abhorrent in this film, and that’s exactly what makes him such a fucking legend.

I plan to make a separate post in the coming days about my experience at Cannes and the Annette red carpet, since a few people have asked! I can’t even express how damn good it feels to be globetrotting for Adam-related experiences again. <3

Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to ask me any further questions at all here or on Twitter! :)

*SYNOPSIS INCLUDED BELOW. DO NOT READ FURTHER IF AVOIDING SPOILERS!*

Synopsis: Comedian Henry McHenry and opera singer Ann Defrasnoux are both at the pinnacle of their respective success when they fall in love and marry. The marriage is happy and passionate for a time, leading to the birth of their (puppet) daughter, Annette. But tabloids and much of the world believe the crude, brutish Henry is a poor match for refined, idolized Ann. Ann and Henry themselves both begin to feel that something is amiss – Henry gradually losing his touch for his comedy craft, claiming that being in love is making him ill. He repeatedly and sardonically references how Ann’s opera career involves her “singing and dying” every night, to the point that he sees visions of her “dead” body on the stage. Meanwhile, Ann has a nightmare of multiple women accusing Henry of abusive and violent behavior towards them, and she begins growing wary in his presence. (He never acts abusively towards her, unless you count that scene when he tickles her feet and licks her toes while she’s telling him to stop??? Yeah I know, WILD.)

The growing sense of unease, that they’re both teetering on the brink of disaster, culminates in the most deranged of Henry’s stand-up comedy performances, when he gives a vivid reenactment of killing his wife by “tickling her to death.” The performance is so maudlin and unsettling that you wonder whether he’s not making it up at all, and the audience strongly rebukes him. (This is the “What is your problem?!” scene with tiddies out. The full version includes Adam storming across the stage, furiously singing/yelling, “What the FUCK is your problem?!”) But when Henry arrives home that night, drunk and raucous, Ann and Annette are both unharmed.

The couple take a trip on their boat, bringing Annette with them. The boat gets caught in a storm, and Henry drunkenly insists that he and Ann waltz in the storm. She protests that it’s too dangerous and begs him to see sense. (SPOILER #1) The boat lurches when Henry spins her, and Ann falls overboard to her death. Henry rescues Annette from the sinking boat and rows them both to shore. He promptly falls unconscious, and a ghost of Ann appears, proclaiming her intention to haunt Henry through Annette. Annette (still a toddler at this point and yes, still a wooden puppet) then develops a miraculous gift for singing, and Henry decides to take her on tour with performances around the world. He enlists the help of his “conductor friend,” who had been Ann’s accompanist and secretly had an affair with her before she met Henry.

Henry slides further into drunken debauchery as the tour progresses, while the Conductor looks after Annette and the two grow close. Once the tour concludes, the Conductor suggests to Henry that Annette might be his own daughter – revealing his prior affair with Ann. Terrified by the idea of anyone finding out and the possibility of losing his daughter, Henry drowns the Conductor in the pool behind his and Ann’s house. Annette sees the whole thing happen from her bedroom window.

Henry plans one last show for Annette, to be held in a massive stadium at the equivalent of the Super Bowl. But when Annette takes the stage, she refuses to sing. Instead, she speaks and accuses Henry of murder. (“Daddy kills people,” are the actual words – not that that was creepy to hear as this puppet’s first spoken words or anything.)

Henry stands trial, during which he sees an apparition of Ann from when they first met. They sing their regret that they can’t return to the happiness they once shared, until the apparition is replaced by Ann’s vengeful spirit, who promises to haunt Henry in prison. After his sentencing (it’s not clear what the sentence was, but Henry definitely isn’t going free), Annette is brought to see him once in prison. Speaking fully for the first time, she declares she can’t forgive her parents for using her: Henry for exploiting her voice for profit and Ann for presumably using her to take vengeance on Henry. (Yes, this is why she was an inanimate doll moving on strings up to this point – there was some meaning in that strange, strange artistic choice. She was the puppet of her parents’ respective egotisms.) The puppet of Annette is abruptly replaced by a real girl in this scene, finally enabling two-sided interaction and a long-missed genuine connection between her and Henry, which made this quite the emotional catharsis. (SPOILER #2) It concludes with Annette still unwilling to forgive or forget what her parents have done, and swearing never to sing again. She says Henry now has “no one to love.” He appeals, “Can’t I love you, Annette?” She replies, “No, not really.” Henry embraces her one last time before a guard takes her away and Henry is left alone.

…..Yes, that is the end. It left me with major emotional whiplash, after the whole film up to this point kept pulling itself back from the total bleak and dark by starting up a new toe-tapping, mildly silly tune every few minutes. But this last scene instead ends on a brutal note of harsh, unforgiving silence.

BUT! Make sure you stick around through the credits, when you see the cast walking through a forest together. (This is counterpart to the film’s opening, when you see the cast walking through LA singing “So May We Start?” directly to the audience) Definitely pay attention to catch Adam chasing/playing with the little girl actress who plays Annette! That imparts a much nicer feeling to leave the theater with. :’)

[themadamespod]

Sharon Carter: A Study in Selfishness

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier spotlighted some hard truths. Beyond its real-world parallels, it’s changed our perspective on the MCU. And on the heels of the finale, we can’t help but reflect on how we got here.

It feels like ages ago that an alien invaded Earth believing it was his right to do so. This madman imposed his will upon a whole planet. He wielded god-like power over an entire species. He took the lives of countless people, leaving the rest to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives. 

In doing so, he became one of the most beloved characters in the MCU.

So why is it that many of the people who adore a monster are now so disappointed with Sharon Carter?

Easy. Loki is a man. 

Angels and Demons

Relax, everybody. This is not an anti-Loki treatise. I’m writing this post with a Loki poster behind my chair, a Loki mug on my desk, and a Loki t-shirt on my back.

To be fair, it helps that the God of Mischief is played by one of the most charming, attractive men in Hollywood. But Emily VanCamp is no slouch. She’s a beautiful, talented actor who elevates any project. So why are people upset that she’s the Power Broker?

Women aren’t supposed to veer from familial or cultural expectations. 

Women aren’t supposed to put themselves first. 

Women aren’t supposed to seize power in a man’s world. 

The events of Civil War alone had a tremendous impact on the characters we love. Sam and Bucky’s respective ordeals changed them forever, and The Blip forced them to adapt even further. So many people are praising their growth in the TFATWS finale, and we’re among them. But it’s frustrating to then see comments like these:

“Omg wtf is wrong with Sharon? That is NOT who she is!”

“Since when is Sharon evil? That ain’t her.”

“Sharon is totally a Skrull. The Sharon we know would never turn her back on everything she stands for.”

Guess what, folks? Just like Sam and Bucky, the Sharon we once knew no longer exists. She, too, changed and grew - right out of the box that the patriarchy built for her. And people don’t know how to handle it.  

Double Standards

Misogyny is so deeply woven into the fabric of our society that a lot of people, women included, often don’t see it. But it’s in almost every facet of daily life, leaching into our brains like a toxin. And TFATWS called Marvel out on it by illustrating a simple fact:

Men and women who behave in the same way are treated very differently.

A man who tramples others for a promotion is ambitious. A woman is a conniving bitch.

A man who sleeps around is held up as a ladies’ man. A woman is looked down upon as a whore.

A man who logs extra time at the office is a good provider. A woman is neglecting her family. 

Despite centuries of fighting for our right to exist, women are still brainwashed to be and be seen as lesser than men. We’re expected to conform to roles meant to keep us subservient. We’re told that caring for others is more important than caring for ourselves. 

Sharon Carter received the same cultural programming. And it’s likely that she felt familial pressure (either explicit or implicit) to follow in Aunt Peggy’s footsteps, whether she wanted to or not. 

And follow she did.

Sharon joined S.H.I.E.L.D. She fought armed HYDRA agents. Then she sacrificed her life, her career, and her freedom for the greater good. And what did she get for it?

The same thing women always get when they put everyone else’s best interests ahead of their own. 

She got fucked. 

A Matter of Perspective

Let’s pretend the TFATWS finale had gone differently. The Power Broker is a previously unseen bad guy, a Wilson Fisk type. After the U.S. government branded her as a fugitive and the Avengers forgot her, Sharon has just been trying to survive in Madripoor.

Nonetheless, she helps Sam and Bucky neutralize Karli. Sam secures Sharon’s pardon and she reclaims her former post as a dutiful C.I.A. agent.

Talk about disappointing; that would be like watching a woman return to a man who beats her. 

In reality, Sharon is revealed as the Power Broker. After the people for whom she gave everything betrayed her, she built a lucrative business from scratch using a canny brain and the skills S.H.I.E.L.D. taught her.

Now for those who are incensed by Sharon’s turn because she’s selling weapons, please see Exhibit A:

Even after Tony Stark stopped manufacturing weapons for the U.S. government, he continued making them for S.H.I.E.L.D. If memory serves, he also created a sentient murder-bot that leveled a city before nearly annihilating mankind.

Tony’s intentions were noble, but that didn’t make him any less responsible for a humanitarian disaster. The Sokovians would have been well within their rights to demand Tony’s arrest and incarceration.

But we love Tony, so we don’t like to go there.

And speaking of the U.S. government, let’s be real. American politicians wouldn’t condemn Sharon for illegally selling weapons to dangerous groups. They’d condemn her for cutting into their own profits. 

If there’s one thing the U.S. government excels at, it’s creating and arming terrorists. Sharon’s just running their playbook.

Redefining Selfishness

In all fairness, some people’s disappointment over Sharon’s arc has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with heroism. For this discussion, see Exhibit B:

Ever since Steve Rogers got his happy ending with Peggy Carter in Endgame, the Marvel fandom has been divided into two camps.

Camp 1: Steve is a selfish bastard who abandoned his family, his country, and the world when they all needed him the most.

Camp 2: Steve did more than enough for his family, his country, and the world when they all needed him most and deserved his happiness.

I will always be a card-carrying member of Camp 2, which is one reason I exited my Endgame theater as a human ball of snot. 

Steve Rogers gave enough for his country even before he was defrosted. He liberated a POW camp behind enemy lines. He defeated Red Skull. He saved countless lives by crashing the HYDRA bomber into the arctic, sacrificing his own life in the process.

And when he was resurrected after 70 years, did he stop and smell the roses? Read a book on the beach?

No. He saved the world. Again, and again, and again.

It’s incredibly noble that a life with Peggy is all Steve wanted. Think about Michael Bay’s uber-patriotic Armageddon. Those roughnecks had quite the list of demands for saving the world, all of which seemed perfectly reasonable because, hello, they were saving the world. 

So what does this have to do with Sharon Carter? Well, if you’re in Steve Rogers Camp 1, you likely see Sharon as a selfish bitch. I’ll make the same argument in her defense:

She’s given more than enough for others. She has every right to now put herself first.

We as women need to redefine selfishness. It’s been weaponized against us for far too long. We have to reframe it as a positive concept whereby we simply make our needs a priority in our own lives. 

If more women embraced selfishness, we would be unstoppable. 

Oh, and if you’re in Steve Rogers Camp 2 but still disappointed in Sharon Carter, you’ve got some hypocrisy on your chin. Might want to wipe that off. 

A Final Note

Alice Walker, who knows a thing or two about feminism, once said, “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

When the name “Power Broker” was first dropped on The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, it felt cheesy. But now it seems like the perfect title for a woman who not only refused to give up her power, but actively sought more. 

Sharon Carter is unequivocally selfish, but that doesn’t make her evil or even wrong. 

It makes her one powerful woman. And we can’t wait to see her again. 

[little-kat07]

Unrequited Roceit, endgame logince, and endgame dukeceit idea where Roman and Janus are a double dancing and singing act (think like the musical Chicago) and are in a relationship as well. Roman is just happy to have a career with the love of his life, while Janus is MUCH more interested in fame and money- with or without Roman.

Janus: The press LOVES us! My act is wonderful and the producers can’t ignore it for long.

Roman: You mean OUR act?

Janus: Right. OUR act.

Roman soon meets Logan, a Broadway director who offers them an audition for a play. Musicals and Theater isn’t usually what they do, but they need the money. During the audition-

Logan: *clapping* That was amazing!

Roman: *breathless* You really think so?

Logan: You are going to go far in the world with that kind of talent, Roman. We’ll see you at the first rehearsal.

Janus: Wait- what about me?

Logan: Janus... you were amazing. You have so much talent, and it really pains me to say it’s not what we’re looking for. I’m sure there are lots of other directors who-

Roman is PAINFULLY oblivious to the fact Janus doesn’t care about him, so he stands up for his ‘boyfriend’.

Roman: What? You can’t reject him! Logan, I’ve been by Janus’s side in our career for decades. Either you take both of us or neither.

Logan: I... I suppose we can find a role for Janus.

Roman and Janus travel from Atlanta to New York, where their career is supposed to start.

Logan can tell Janus doesn’t care about Roman, and is heartbroken that Roman would stand up for the snake so easily. But he’s not supposed to get involved with the personal affairs of actors, so he tries not to think about it too much. 

He has a hard time with that since during rehearsal, Roman won’t stop being so fucking adorable all the time.

Logan: Hold on, Roman, could you-

Roman: Okay okay so I know what you’re going to say but I DIDN’T MEAN TO RAISE THAT LAST NOTE, It just felt really right and I can totally stop, but I actually had a little riff on the end there I wanted to do if I could and I know it’s really confusing and I’m rambling but please?

Logan: ...I was going to say move a bit to the left, but go ahead.

Janus is VERY AWARE that Logan and Roman have chemistry, and normally he wouldn’t care since he doesn’t actually love Roman but this time, his ticket to fame and glory is riding on the fact that Roman stays with him, so he tries to intercept their relationship.

...at the very same time that Remus, (who is Logan’s brother in this AU and i’m so sorry to intrulogical shippers) wants Roman and Logan to get together. He has been waiting for Logan to find love for so long and he is NOT about to let some snake boi take away his brother’s happiness.

So, Janus and Remus have a huge, unspoken battle over getting Roman and Logan together OR keeping them apart. Remus sets them up to be alone together, Janus sabotages it or gets there at the exact time and drives Roman away. 

Janus: What is your PROBLEM?

Remus: What is MY deal? Uh, bitch, what is YOUR deal? 

Janus: My financial and social future depends on Roman and Logan staying apart. I need Roman to get me to fame. YOU need to stay out of it.

Remus: Logan is my brother who up until this point was lonely as fuck. I’m not letting you break his only chance at happiness. You don’t even LOVE Roman!

Janus: Can you not talk so loud? Someone is going to hear us.

Remus: Maybe I WANT THEM TO!

Janus: *puts a hand over Remus’s mouth* Keep quiet, rat.

Remus: *licks it*

Janus: EW!! EW EW EW- WHAT THE FUCK, REMUS?

Remus: *cackling*

Roman hears.

That’s really all you need to know- He was right outside when Remus and Janus had that conversation. He stormed back to his room of the hotel and waited for Janus to come back, where they broke up and Janus took his things and left.

This is where things get interesting...

Remus: *knocks on janus’s hotel room door* Uh... snake?

Janus: *muffled grumbling* *opens the door* Yes?

Remus: *trying to smother his worried feelings* Hey snake bitch! I noticed you haven’t tried to... sabatoge any of my plans lately.

Janus: Y e s.

Remus: ...and I was just wondering why? I-I mean I just feel like you’re planning something. What are you planning? 

Janus: ...your futile attempts at being aggressive amuse me. I’ll tell you.

Janus has been feeling strange lately. He tells Remus how he and Roman go together- They had been best friends in highschool, and Janus actually did like Roman once. They used to be an inseparable couple, it was only when Janus realized Roman had talent that could bring him glory, did he begin to stop caring. Now that they’ve broken up, it’s hard to say whether Janus MISSES Roman- because he doesn’t, not really, it’s not about Roman as a person. He missed the feeling of being cared for by someone, being held like fame and money didn’t matter, those little moments Janus missed so achingly much because he thought he would ALWAYS have them- and now he doesn’t, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Remus: ...why did you tell me all that?

Janus: My life feels pretty shitty at the moment and I don’t see how spilling my guts to someone who’s already familiar with my less than pretty personality could bring me any lower.

Remus isn’t quite sure what to do with this information, he’s spent his entire time going up against Janus and hating him. Now he doesn’t see what he knew as Janus, he sees a confused and self-depreciating person- and he feels bad. But he knows he SHOULDN’T, he shouldn’t feel bad because Janus is the bad guy, Janus is the villain in the story-

But he isn’t anymore. This is what the villain looks like AFTER the fairytale, after the hero beats them- confused, lonely, and... crying?

oH my god, Janus is crying, do something, help him, holy fuck, nOoooOOO-

Meanwhile, Logan comforts Roman. 

Logan: ...I should have done something. I KNEW that snake was bad news. Now he-

Roman: I’m quitting.

Logan: I- what?

Roman: I’m quitting- Janus still has his role in the play, I don’t want to spend another second looking at him. He can have his fame and his money, I don’t care about revenge, I just wanna go home.

Logan: But- Roman, no- You have so much talent! You could show him up, get famous, spread your story in the papers and never have to deal with anything like that again-

Roman: I’m sorry, Logan- I’m not mad at him. I couldn’t care less about what happens to him- I’m going home.

Logan: Back to Atlanta??

Roman: Yeah... *sniffle* Atlanta. Or maybe Marietta, or somewhere in that area. Northern Georgia, basically- I don’t know how I can go back to Atlanta right now, not with all the memories and stuff.

Logan: But... Roman... what about me?

Roman: Huh?

Logan: I-I mean, what about everyone else? Virgil, Patton, and Remus- you’re just going to leave all of us behind? (he laughs, almost hysterically) how- how am I gonna find anyone on the face of the earth who can fit your role?

Roman: Oh, come on Lo. I’m sure anybody can fit my role in the play, it’s a simple character and-

Logan: N-Not that, Roman- Your role in our lives? How am I- How am I going to find anyone I love like I love you?

Cue crying confession, adorableness, all that Jazz. Logince pining FINALLY comes to a close- And the rest of the fic would focus more on the Dukeceit aspect.

Remus, at some point, comes to the glaring realization that he ENJOYED bickering and fighting with Janus. He almost stops BREATHING when he finds that, in fact, he likes JANUS. 

Like, Like-likes janus. (No, the L-word isn’t available yet sorry lmao)

Janus figures out pretty quickly that he likes Remus but he just came out of an awful relationship in which HE was the manipulative one, and he really isn’t in the mood to focus on romance right now. Partly for fear that he’ll hurt Remus like he hurt Roman, and partly because nOT EVERYTHING HAS TO REVOLVE AROUND ROMANCE, HE STILL HAS BILLS TO PAY AND JOBS TO WORK, YOU HEATHENS-

Anyway, we have a couple of chapters dedicates to healing the tear in Roman and Janus’s platonic relationship. Janus works hard to try and show Roman he can be trusted as just a friend. (When I say works hard I mean WORKS HARD. I mean, remember what he did? It’s gonna take some work to sift through this.) Eventually, Roman and Logan (newly dating) have a little talk about Janus’s attempts.

Logan: I just- I get that he’s trying to heal it, but... I don’t know. I think I’m just being protective because you two dated once and I thought, if you fell for him once... you might again. And then, he might hurt you again, or even WORSE, he won’t hurt you at all and I’ll have lost you to him permanently.

Roman: ...guess what?

Logan: What?

Roman: When I look at him, I feel nothing!!! :D

Logan: ...nothing?

Roman: *grinning* Nothing at all! Now that I look at him, he’s not even cute!

Logan and Roman continue to burst into laughter.

One day, this happens:

Roman and Remus: *being lovable chaotic idiots*

Logan: *sighs* Why do we love them?

Janus: No clue.

Logan: *eyebrow raise*

Janus: waIT WAIT Okay look I didn’t mean Roman, okay, I- I meant Remus, and- Wait no I- UGH! *slams head on table*

Logan: *smirks* You like my brother. I knew it.

Janus: I’m so sorry I keep falling for people you know.

A couple chapters dedicated to having funny group bonding time, until this happens-

Janus: *acting on stage* If only someone were to look at me with the eyes that Jeremiah does with Her, I might finally be complete and live on to learn to love. My heart-

Remus: *from the audience* I will!

Janus: *pauses and turns to look out* What?

Remus *waving frantically* I’ll look at you with eyes! I’m not sure how else I would look at you, so I’ll do the eyes!

Janus: ...What?

Remus: *groans* JUST DATE ME ALREADY!

Janus: *taken aback* Uh. Okay.

Remus: Wait, seriously?

Janus: Darling, just shut up, I’m doing a scene here...

Remus: :D

And they all lived. Happily ever after? Who knows. But they lived, and that was enough for them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do what you will with this idea! Tag me if you write or draw something though-

Reposts are appreciated!!!

[nothingbutimagines]

Frenemies (Peter Parker)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Warning: Cursing 

Summary: Peter and Y/n are friends...kinda. Peter thinks they’re friends, even though Y/n picks on him and they’re constantly bickering or competing for the top spot in their classes. Peter thinks they’re friends while Y/n sees them more as frenemies, but the two are confronted with their feelings towards one another when they get roped into playing Romeo and Juliet in the school play. 

Author: Dizzy

A/N: Just a little something I whipped up while procrastinating on my finals. Senior year is too hard, ugh. Just a heads up, starting Dec 13th, tomorrow, I will be starting 12 Days of Ficmas with another Peter fic, so keep your eyes peeled!

Masterlist Request Any Of These Peter Parker/Tom Holland Masterlist

__________________

“Any volunteers to act out the next scene?” Your Drama teacher, Ms. Newman, asked the class, a bright smile on her face as hands flew into the air. “Everyone has to read at least once, since we’re using this class to decide on who will be Romeo and who will be Juliet.”

You rolled your eyes, resting your chin in your hand as you watched other students wave their hands around wildly. 

Of course everyone wanted to act out the next scene, one of the most romantic scenes of the play, you thought to yourself. While everyone either loved or hated Romeo and Juliet, you found yourself indifferent to it all. You liked the play just fine, but you wouldn’t say you loved it nor would you say you hated it. It was all just okay in your mind and you sure as hell didn’t want to be Juliet, or be in the play at all. 

Unlike everyone who had their hands up, waving them like mad, you didn’t quite care for romance if you were going to be honest. Perhaps it was that you’d never connected with someone in such a way that caused you to like it or you just hadn’t found the perfect Nicholas Sparks movie to cry to, but you hated romance, almost dreading it. 

“Y/n?” 

You looked up to see an extended finger pointing right at her and a smile on Ms. Newman’s face. 

“Come on up, dear. You can read for Juliet and Peter here can read for Romeo.” She waved you up onto the stage, directing you onto a higher platform to read. 

“I don’t know if I can do this.” Peter mumbled from beneath you.

You bent down to his level, a hand on his shoulder as you gazed into his eyes. 

“You can do this. And you know you can trust me. Because I don’t care enough about you to lie.” 

Peter rolled his eyes as you straightened back up. 

“Gee, thanks. I totally feel better now.”

“You’re welcome. I’m a very helpful person.” You chuckled, turning your attention back to Ms. Newman.

“Alright, Peter, you are Romeo, talking about Juliet and unbeknownst to you, she is right up there on the balcony, speaking about you. Y/n, stand up straight and give us your best performance, don’t look so down. Now, ready, set, action!”

You looked over at Peter, who gave you a small smile before breaking eye contact to look down at his script, his brown hair falling in his face before looking back up at you again.

You could barely act as it is, and looking at the brown haired boy looking at you, you sure as hell couldn’t act like you were in love with Peter Parker, the kid you couldn’t help but tease and pick on even though you were kind of friends and kind of enemies with. 

“But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

Who is already sick and pale with grief,

That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.

Be not her maid since she is envious.

Her vestal livery is but sick and green,

And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off!

It is my lady. Oh, it is my love.

Oh, that she knew she were!” Peter spoke, acting as if his life depended on it, his eyes gazing into yours.

You bit your lip, unsure of what the sudden warmth in your chest and cheeks was from as you watched him gesture to you, speaking boldly like the character he was pretending to be. 

You looked away, breaking the eye contact for a moment to look into the small group of students in the class, your breathing slow as the warmth dissipated and you brought a hand to your cheek. 

“... Her eye in heaven

Would through the airy region stream so bright

That birds would sing and think it were not night.

See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.

Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand

That I might touch that cheek!”

You brought your hand from your cheek to your heart. “Ay, me!” 

Peter glanced up at you once more, before turning to the group. 

“She speaks.

O, speak again, bright angel! For thou art

As glorious to this night, being o'er my head,

As is a wingèd messenger of heaven

Unto the white, upturnèd, wondering eyes

Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him

When he bestrides the lazy-puffing clouds

And sails upon the bosom of the air.” 

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the boy standing not that far below you, the way he gave you a funny look as he turned back to you and the way he so seriously taking his part. You couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in his mind, what had him acting his little heart out. 

“O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

Deny thy father and refuse thy name.

Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,

And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.” You cried out, mustering up as much passion as you could, realizing halfway through your lines you had more than you thought. 

“Cut, cut!” Ms. Newman cried out, waving her arms at you. “I think we’ve heard enough from you two, let’s let someone else have a chance at this scene. Rebecca, Trevor, why don’t you two go next?”

You hopped down from the platform you had been standing on and followed Peter off of the small stage, taking a seat beside him. 

“Good job.” He nodded to you, a shy smile on his lips. 

“Oh, uh, thanks. You weren’t so bad either.”

“Not so bad? You think I’m a shitty actor, Y/n?” Peter teased, giving you a slight nudge.

“I didn’t say that,” you rolled your eyes, “I just didn’t realize you had such passion and gusto. it was very impressive.”

“Yeah, well that was all me since your pep talk wasn’t much help.” 

“I’d like to think it was pretty good. Very honest. Honesty is what makes pep talks great.”

“Isn’t the point of a pep talk to lie to a person so they can do something they think they can’t?”

You rolled your eyes and smiled. “Well, duh, but you could do it so I didn’t have to lie. It was a kinda anti-pep talk.”

“You’re kinda anti-everything aren’t you?”

“I like to think of myself less as ‘anti-everything’ and more of a rebel outcast.”

“You’re the co-captain of the cheer squad.” Peter replied very matter-of-factly as you fell silent, leaving him without a response. “You hear that?”

“Oh, I hear you.” You replied, crossing your arms over your chest, “I wish I didn’t.”

Peter opened his mouth to speak, but shut it as Ms. Newman began talking.

“Alright, class! We are at the end of time, so I will announce who I have picked as our leading man and lady. Can I get a drum roll, please?”

The class erupted in hands rapping and drumming on tables and legs as you crossed your fingers, eyes shut. 

“Please, don’t let it be me. Please, don’t let it be me.” You mumbled to yourself as the noise began to dial down.

“Romeo will be played by Peter Parker-”

“Yes!” Peter gasped, punching the air beside you. 

“-and Juliet will be played by Y/n L/n.”

“Fuck!” You hissed softly, groaning as you put a hand to your face. 

“Thank you all for your time today, the rest of the roles ad castings will be on the board if you’d like to look at them, otherwise, have a great lunch! We will be leaving the theater open for you to go over your lines and learn them together.”

You gripped your bag as you stood up, slinging one strap over your shoulder as you made your way out of the classroom, Peter trailing close behind.

“Holy shit, Y/n! Can you believe it? We got the lead roles!” 

“Oh, goody!” You gasped, mocking his happy demeanor as he made it beside you. 

“You know, you’d be a better actress if you could at least act excited about this.” 

"Ugh, sometimes I can’t stand you.”

“Speak for yourself.”

Peter chuckled as you gave him a playful push, pushing you back while you both entered the cafeteria. 

You couldn’t stand him sometimes, but there were moments, mostly when you thought he had a sense of humor and you could laugh together, that you thought Peter Parker wasn’t so bad. Sure, he was a know-it-all and a goody two shoes, but he wasn’t that bad once you got to know him, even if he was annoying at times. 

Peter handed you a lunch tray as you both scurried into the lunch line, knocking your trays together as you picked out your lunches. 

“Do you ever wonder how we’re friends?” Peter asked after moments of silence.

It was as if he read your mind. You handed the lunch lady the change for your lunch and guided Peter to your usual table with Ned and MJ. 

You shrugged. “Nah, I don’t really like to question myself on the things I do. Act, don’t think. It’s better that way.” 

You took a seat beside MJ on one side of the table as Peter took a seat besides Ned. 

“Are you okay?” MJ asked, looking over at you with a concerned look on her face. 

“Why? Did that pimple I popped this morning not go away?”

MJ shook her head. “No, not that. You look flushed.”

“Y/n and I just found out we’re gonna be Romeo and Juliet for the spring play.” Peter stated simply, taking a bit out of his pizza. 

MJ burst out laughing, clutching her stomach. 

“Oh, my god, that’s a great joke, Parker. A fucking riot.” 

“I’m, uh, I’m not kidding.” 

“No, you’ve got to be joking, Y/n would never agree to that.” 

“Uh, actually...” You cut in. 

“Holy shit, you’re not kidding.” MJ’s smile fell slightly as she looked at you, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you out of your chair.  “Y/n, I have to go to the bathroom, come with me.”

“Oh, okay.” You agreed awkwardly, allowing her to begin dragging you from the table.

“That was weird.” Peter stated as you followed MJ out of the cafeteria. 

“Agreed.” Ned muttered, watching MJ and you interact from the doorway. 

“Why the hell would you agree to being in the spring play?” MJ questioned, her arms crossed over her chest as she glanced back into the open doorway of the cafeteria. 

You groaned. “Ugh, I-I really don’t know! I panicked! Newman announced it and I just accepted my fate.”

“Did you accept your fate or play along with the fact that you get to be up close and personal with Peter?” 

“Don’t you dare insinuate the fact that I-”

“That you what? Have feelings for Peter?” MJ asked, giving you a smirk as you felt the same warmth in your cheeks as you had in class. “You act like I don’t know you, that we haven’t been friends since first grade. I know when you like a boy.”

“I don’t like Peter. He annoys me to death. Quite frankly, he sucks.” 

“Tell that to the blush on your face.” 

“You bitch.” 

MJ shrugged. “I don’t know why you’re mad at me for telling the truth.” 

You tore your gaze away from her and looked into the doorway to the cafeteria, your attention now on Peter and Ned as you could see them talking to one another before Peter looked away and over at you, your eyes making contact. You quickly looked away, turning your attention back at MJ. 

“What do you think I should do?”

__________________

You walked down the hallway towards the theater, slipping past students as you made your way through the crowd, gripping your backpack tightly. You ran through the little plan MJ and you had concocted, repeating affirmations to yourself as you approached the door.

After admitting that you didn’t hate Peter as much as you led on, MJ walked you through the plan she had been secretly putting together the moment she had figured out you had feelings for Peter. 

The plan, as MJ illustrated, was simple. You told Peter how you felt. 

You went through about one hundred different ways to tell Peter how you felt, each one making you sick to your stomach with anxiety. 

As you entered the theater, you could feel that anxiety bubble up with every step and every thought as you got closer and closer to where Peter had decided to set himself up on the stage. 

“Hey.” Peter greeted, looking up from his script as you set your bag down on the ground beside his. “So, I’ve been going over the script since study hall and I think we should just start with the scenes that we’re in together and then on our own, go over our separate scenes.” 

“Uh,” You cleared your throat, “yeah, yeah. That sounds like a good idea.” 

Peter raised a brow at you. “You okay? Normally you try to fight me when I tell you what to do.”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just stressed since I have cheer practice after this.” You lied. 

“It’s Wednesday, you never have cheer practice on Wednesdays.” 

“Maybe I do, how would you know? Do you stalk me or something, Parker?” You snapped. 

“No, God, never mind.” Peter cleared his throat. “No need to yell. Let’s just go over act one, scene five.”

You nodded, letting out a relieved sigh as silence fell between the two of you as you looked for your lines in the scene. You could feel your chest grow warm as you held your breath, awaiting Peter’s next instruction, pretending to read your script as your mind wandered. 

You couldn’t stop thinking about how wrong MJ was about Peter. It was clear he didn’t like you in any way other than a friend. And why would he? You bullied him constantly and bickered over trivial things with him. Hell, you’d even once gave him all the wrong answers on a test when you’d realized he was copying you and then went back to fix your own, making him get a 40% while you had gotten a 90%. 

“Y/n, did you hear me?” Peter’s hand on your arm forced you out of your own head. 

You shrugged his arm off and nodded. 

“Alright. I’m ready when you are.” 

“I’m ready. Go on.”

Peter reached out towards you, taking your hand in his before you pulled away quickly.

“What are you doing?” You snapped, holding your hand away from him.

“I was acting, you know, as the script tells me to.”

“You don’t have to touch me.”

“It literally says that I have to take your hand.” Peter argued, reaching out for you again. “Just give me your hand, okay?”

You held your hand out for him to take with a confused look on your face before he took your hand, a shy smile on his face as he pulled you closer too him. 

You stumbled over your own feet as he pulled you closer, tripping and falling into him.

“Shit, I’m sorry!” You gasped, looking up at him, his hands still firm on your hips. 

“It’s, it’s fine.” Peter replied, gazing down at you.

“You can, uh, let go of me now.” 

“Oh, right! Right.”

Peter let go of you as you stood up straight, fixing your hair as you looked at him. 

“Maybe we should go over lines now?” Peter asked awkwardly, hand on the back of his neck. 

“I have a confession to make.” You blurted out, immediately regretting saying it. 

“What is it?”

“Peter, I just need to tell you this. I think I like you, and I know you don’t feel the same--.” 

“Y/n, I really like you too.” 

You fell silent, staring at him blankly before responding, “I don’t know what to do with that information.”

“Oh, shut up and let us have our moment.” Peter chuckled, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards him again before kissing you softly.

[365days365movies]

February 19, 2021: The Phantom of the Opera (2004) (Part 1)

I love musicals.

Hands down, when talking cinematic adaptations of musicals, my favorite is Little Shop of Horrors. I’ve seen it MANY times, and will see it many, MANY more. And I’m not the only one. I mean, obviously, but in this case, I’m referring to my girlfriend. She’s chosen to represent herself with a GIF from her favorite musical, Hairspray. So, here she is:

Ravishing. Now, because it’s currently our anniversary, I let her pick today’s movie from my list. And so, she chose a musical that neither she nor I have seen: 2004′s The Phantom of the Opera. And some of you may now be saying, “What, this guy said he liked movie musicals, and he hasn’t seen TPotS? That’s like saying you haven’t seen Grease, or Singin’’ in the Rain, or, PFFT, West Side Story!”

...About that...

Yeah, yeah, I know! It’s insane, and I’m a hypocrite. I’ll be getting to the rest of those eventually, and one of them’ll be coming in the next couple of days, I promise. You can probably guess which one. Anyway, fact of the matter is that we’re gonna watch it tonight, and I’m looking forward to it. 

However, there’s another factor to this, and that’s the fact that this film...doesn’t have the best reputation amongst fans of the original musical. And, yeah, this should ideally be the Michael Crawford version, but the Butler version is the one I have access to, so we’re going for it. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

Paris, 1919, back when the whole city was in black-and-white for a year. They lost the budget for color after World War I. Anyway, at an old opera house, an auction is taking place, and items found within the theater are for sale. One of these is a music box with a monkey on it, an item which sponsors a bidding war between an older woman, and an older man in a wheelchair. I’m sure we’ll find out who they are eventually.

Anyway, a broken chandelier is also up for option, and was involved in the mysterious disaster of the “Phantom of the Opera” fiasco. They turn it on with electric light, and as they raise it to the ceiling, the organist goes fuckin’ NUTS. The song’s so loud that it REVERSES TIME, and we’re now in color, in the year 1870 at the same opera house.

The theatre, managed by the soon-to-retire Monsieur Lefèvre (James Fleet), has just been purchased by Richard Firmin (Ciaran Hinds) and Gilles André (Simon Callow), who are there to observe. On stage, a rehearsal for the opera Hannibal is taking place, and the costume’s are already...like, a LOT, not gonna lie. The headliner for the show is soprano (and drama queen supreme) Carlotta Giudicelli (Minnie Driver), and is being funded by patron Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny (Patrick Wilson). 

The background dancers are instructed by Madame Giry (Miranda Richardson), and include her daughter, Meg (Jennifer Ellison), and her adopted daughter, Christine Daaé (Emmy Rossum). As the rehearsal takes place, an accident happens on stage, almost injuring Carlotta. Enraged, she leaves, and refuses to perform.

Meanwhile, Madame Giry finds a letter from the Phantom, who demands his normal monthly salary of 20,000 francs, as for Box 5 to be left open. While the new owners think that this is ridiculous, they also note that it’s pointless without a lead singer for their show. 

However, Christine is volunteered, and shows that she is indeed a talented singer. The show goes on, and Christine is a smash, much to Carlotta’s dismay. At this point, Raoul also discovers that this is his long lost childhood friend (and possibly long lost love) Christine, which she also noticed earlier.

But this is because of a mysterious teacher, who sings to her from the walls of the theatre. Meg comes in to congratulate her (through song), and asks who her tutor is. Meg responds...in song (”Angel of Music”).

Afterwards, Madame Giry also congratulates her, and tells her that the Phantom is pleased with her. Right after, Raoul also pays her a visit, and the two reconnect on shared memories of times in an attic in the summer. She tells Raoul that she is visited by an Angel of Music, and cannot go to the dinner that night with him. And the Phantom agrees, as he locks Christine in her room. YIKES. 

And as literally every person in the theatre except Christine leaves, the Phantom serenades her, angered by Raoul’s presence, and Christine’s potential dalliance with him (”Mirror”). And through the mirror, he takes her to a mysterious crypt beneath the theatre. And as they sing their strange duet in the form of the title song (”The Phantom of the Opera”)...I try to resist talking about Gerard Butler until later. And it’s hard. It’s SO hard, guys.

But, OK, he takes her away on a...sewer horse...how the FUCK did he get that horse down there? And wait, WAIT, does he put her on that horse to walk her, like, 20 feet to the gondola? Like...WHY DO YOU HAVE THE HORSE? That is...monumentally wasteful. Where do you keep the horse? Does he feed the horse? How much? How often? With what? Does the horse eat the sewer rats? Is there naturally growing sewer hay? Does the Phantom’s salary go towards buying food for the horse, or buying new horses when the original ones DIE OF STARVATION - WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS HORSE?!?!? WHOMSTVE THE FUCK

And yes, I love this fuckin’ song (not the singers, but we’ll get there), but this is distracting me alongside the statues of naked men in the sewer, because...well, Joel Schumacher. What can I say, it’s kind of his aesthetic. Anyway, we get officially introduced to the Phantom of the Opera (Gerard Butler), a very handsome-looking man who likes wearing a half-mask.

I say handsome, because the Phantom in this movie, looks...fine. HE LOOKS OK. HE LOOKS LIKE A DUDE WEARING A MASK. What, did somebody throw a hot candle at his face once, and he freaked out over it and ran into the sewers forever...WITH A HORSE? NOT OVER THE HORSE SHIT.

Look, the Phantom is supposed to be HIDEOUSLY scarred. Famously, in one of the film adaptations of Phantom, actor Lon Chaney Jr. purposely distorted his own face using adhesive face in order to play the role of the hideously disfigured character. Now, other versions have just given him severe, and I mean SEVERE burn scars. But behind the mask, Butler looks...fine. HE LOOKS FINE GODDAMMIT. He looks like he’s wearing the mask because it looks edgy and shit.

But OK, what’s happening in the movie? Oh, right, more serenading (”Music of the Night”), with another song that I like quite a bit. This and the previous song were songs Id heard before, and that I’d already had on my playlist. They’re great, what can I say? Now is Butler doing it justice? Ehhhhhhh, we’ll talk about that in the Review.

During this song he kinda seduces her, or attempts to, and also shows her a wedding dress. She sees herself in it and IMMEDIATELY faints, Jesus!  Curtain falls on Christine while she’s in a bed, and we go back to her room, where Meg is looking for her. She finds the mirror, and is about to go back there, but her mother finds and stops her.

Meanwhile, stagehand Joseph Buquet (Kevin McNally) tells the chorus girls of the legend of the Phantom, and describes a physical description that doesn’t match him...even a little. We cut back to Christine, who wakes up in what my girlfriend refers to as a “bomb-ass HQ.” Which is fair, let’s be honest. Anyway, she heads over and tries to unmask her new masked lover (?).

He’s not the biggest fan of this, and he emos all over the screen (”Stranger Than You Dreamt It”). And then, as he puts his mask on, we suddenly (and I mean suddenly) jump to 1919, where the old woman, Madame Giry, bids farewell to...wait, that’s Raoul? HOW DOES HE LOOK SO MUCH OLDER THAN HER, WHAT???

Back in the past, inexplicably, the theatre owners and manager sing about the theatre and the Phantom’s demands ("Notes..."), and are soon joined by Raoul, who brings them a separate note, saying not to look for Christina any further. THEN, Carlotta joins them, delivering a letter of her own from the Phantom, warning her not to return to the theatre.

In his letters, he details how his theatre is to be run, threatening a disaster if Christine is not cast in the lead role, and if Carlotta is not cast in a silent role. However, the theatre owners and Carlotta refuse to obey, and Carlotta is cast in the role, as the owners try to appease her (”Prima Donna”).

That night, during a performance of Il Muto, Carlotta’s singing the lead role. Additionally, Box Five is full, and the Phantom is PISSED. So, like a Phantom do, it’s time for some good old fashioned petty revenge! He switches her throat spray, causing her to lose her voice on stage, and causing the audience to laugh when the show ends abruptly. They quickly and publicly recast the role, giving it to Christine instead. Well, mission accomplished by the Phantom! Guess we’re good without retribution. And then he hangs the stagehand.

Well...fuck, man. Realizing that the Phantom is EXTREMELY dangerous, Christine goes to save Raoul, who she...is in a relationship with now? Wait...wait, hold up, the fuck did I miss? I mean, yeah, he probably is gonna kill Raoul, but there is, like, NO lead-up to their connection before this point.

Anyway, as Christine explains that there is a Phantom when Raoul says he doesn’t exist...wait, WHAT? MOTHER FUCKER BUQUET JUST NOT MURDERED IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY WHAT IN THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN????? YOU LITERALLY HEARD THE...you know what? Break. BREAK. This is...this one’s tough.

See you in Part 2!

[lov3nerdstuff]

... because you're mine.

*Tom Hiddleston x reader*

Oneshot

Words: 4.7k

Summary: Things get steamy between you and Tom after another man asks you out.

Request: I was the actress in Betrayal, but Tom was playing Jerry instead of Robert. As the production goes on, the kissing scenes get steamier (he finds THAT spot on my neck!) until I tell him my feelings, he says he doesn't reciprocate & doesn't do romance in the spotlight. After another man asks me out & I say yes (but don't realize it's a date) he kisses that spot during the performance & whispers that I'm his. 🤯 --> @annwhojumps

A.N.: Prepare for some jealous Tom 😉 also, 'I put a spell on you' can be read as an independent prequel to this, but srsly doesn't have to!

Also check out my Masterlist!

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You had absolutely no idea why you had been cast to play one of the main characters in this highly prestigious production of one of your favorite plays… After all, you had only auditioned for fun! As a recent graduate from the school of dramatic arts, your chances really hadn't been all too high, and yet you had been selected for the title role. However the shock of it was only topped off when on the first day of rehearsals, you had discovered that your fellow actors were nothing but the brightest stars of modern age theater… and your scene partner was none other than Tom Hiddleston.

Yet, as surprising as it might have been for everyone in the theater, you and him had connected immediately, on a level neither of you really understood. But you had both been certain by lunch break that you would definitely enjoy being around each other from now on.

The first days of rehearsals went well, to say the least, and every single day you and Tom got closer. You got to know each other better, more than anyone else in the cast, and spent almost every waking minute at each other's side. And once the actual rehearsal period started and everyone got on stage, you found yourself enjoying the whole thing immensely. Acting with Tom was the greatest joy, for he seemed to really enjoy both your general company and your professional work together, and even the other A-listers seemed to warm up to you slowly. Still, nobody had an idea why you had been selected for the role, but honestly it didn't matter much. You fit in so nicely with the more experienced actors that in no time, everyone seemed to have forgotten that this was, in fact, your first real job.

Yet, as rehearsals continued on to a more detailed level, not just the blocking, you found your nerves and stomach in knots as you got ready to start the first real run through the scenes.

In the final act of the play, you would need to not only kiss Tom, but literally make out with him on stage, in front of your colleagues and the audience… The thought of stage kissing alone made you nervous, for it had never been your favorite thing even in school, and the thought of kissing Tom of all people simply had you close to hyperventilating.

The thing was… you wanted to kiss Tom. More than anything, actually, for with every new day you spent joking, bickering, laughing and talking with him, your adoration for him turned into the deepest affection, turned into sincere love. And even worse: Tom was so much more than you could ever have hoped for, and it was simply impossible to not love him more with every fucking day. Yet you didn't dare to confess your feelings. It was unprofessiona l, and you were supposed to work together with him here, not fall for him. If people got to know about your feelings, they surely would call you either starstruck or simply unprofessional, and nobody in the field would ever cast you again. Fuck.

So you ignored your feelings, pushed them away to as much as the by now close friendship you had would allow you to show. It was painful, but necessary. Even more so since he kept being overwhelmingly nice to you, walking the thin line between friendship and something more like it was a freaking highway. You couldn't tell what he felt for you even if you tried… one moment he was just being the dork he really was, and the next he would stand impossibly close to you, looking into your eyes like you were all that mattered to him in this world.

And now that you stood in front of him, looking up into his eyes with all the overwhelming nervousness and tornment, his soft smile and gentle eyes were balm for your soul.

"Relax, Y/n. It'll be fine..." He whispered to you so that the others wouldn't hear, only seconds before his nose brushed against yours ever so slightly, hot breath fanning across your lips as they parted ever so slightly on their own account. Your eyes fluttered shut. This wasn't Tom kissing you… this was his character kissing yours.

Soft, chilled lips connected with the corner of your mouth as his hands grabbed onto your waist, gentle fingers brushing against the small glimpse of heated skin just below the hem of your shirt. Your breathing hitched. His lips ghosted over your jaw as his hands trailed down to your hips, your thighs… you were supposed to push him onto the couch behind him.

Reluctantly, a little too reluctantly even for your character, your palms pressed against his toned chest, curling around the soft fabric of his shirt. He nibbled on your jaw, and you pulled him closer to yourself by his shirt. A low, growling sound escaped his lips as they left a trail of feathery kisses down your neck, and you finally managed to give him a little push that made him fall backwards onto the couch. Yet he held on to your hips tightly, and you came crashing down on top of him, straddling him as your heart threatened to jump out of your chest. A brief glance into his darkened eyes… you gasped, and Tom stared at you like a deer in the headlights. Awe mixed with fear.

"That was amazing, guys!" David, the director of your play, called from the side of the stage, and your breathing hitched yet again as you snapped out of this moment of public intimacy. How the hell were you supposed to do that every day from now on, without giving yourself away?

Rather awkwardly you got off Tom's lap, and forced away the blush as he tried to do the same.

"You, uhm…" Tom spoke up from right next to you, voice hoarse and heavy. "You did really well."

"Oh… thanks." You replied quietly, trying to calm down your racing heart for the next scene. And that hadn't even been a full on kiss to the lips!

_______________

For the next two weeks, David had Tom and you rehearse the scene every day, and every day things got steamier, more raw, more real… At least they switched out the couch thing for you sitting on a counter to be on eye level with Tom, but honestly… that didn't make it any better. Your fellow actors put it off as fabulous acting, but you knew that it wasn't quite the case. Every day, hiding your true feelings for Tom got more difficult, and every day you felt more desperate for a real kiss.

That was until one Friday night, when David made you run through the entire play yet another time. It was already fairly late in the evening, but he'd promised to just have ONE more go before everyone could go home. Everything went well as always, you played your part with the greatest joy and focus, right until it was time for that scene again. It started off like all the times before, Tom stepped closer to you with the most intense energy that alre ady had your skin covered in goosebumps before he even touched you. Gentle hands on your waist, pulling you close as he stood in between your legs… a ghost of a kiss to your jaw, down your neck… your eyes closed as they always did. This time however, be it for the late hour of night or your increasingly shrinking resistance to your own emotions, your hands moved to his neck before you could will them not to, gently tugging on the lush curls in his neck. Almost immediately the faintest sigh, almost a quiet moan, escaped his lips and their loving work on your neck grew bolder, firmer… Until he found that one, secret and crazy sensitive spot that upon the touch of his lips made your back arch towards him and your mind become even more hazed. Now it was you who let out the faintest moan, unable to keep quiet, yet only for him to hear. The grip on your waist tightened ever so slightly, and before you knew how to hide the effect he had on you, he gently bit down on that oh so sensitive spot, sucking and nibbling on your delicate skin.

You felt like exploding, inside out, within your mind and in every cell of your body. Every single nerve of your being was ablaze, the feeling of his lips on your skin, his hands on your body… it all contributed to the hidden coil of pure energy within you that was dangerously close to bursting. If you snapped now, the entire production crew would become an involuntary witness to your impossible love for Tom. And that would be your downfall even before the rise.

But just then the scene continued on, and you were pushed around by other characters, spoken to and spoken for, all until at last, the play ended and the crew applauded, before you practiced who would bow when and leave to which place. Yet, your mind wasn't even in the same theater anymore. Your thoughts were far gone, to a place where only you and Tom existed, a place where you could let yourself love him.

Before you knew, David had finished his commentary of the performance, all the actors had said their goodnights and even the staff had sorted out the last of lighting and audio. Only you were left on stage, frozen in place with only the dim emergency lights illuminating the area around you. The entire audience room lay in darkness, as did the sides of the stage… only the center was lit up so sparsely that it was almost spooky.

"Are you alright?" Tom's voice from right behind you made you jump yet again, and he chuckled upon your flinching.

"God, you scare me!" You breathed, holding a hand over your racing heart. At least, if he could hear your frantic heartbeat now, you had an excuse.

"Nah, you can keep calling me Tom. 'God' is a bit too much." He winked at you with a smirk, and you just had to laugh. Tom was the greatest dork, and you absolutely loved it. "Why are you up here, all alone? Everyone else is heading home."

"I'm not alone. You're here." You smirked at him, wiggling your eyebrows in an attempt to make him laugh. It worked, and even in this minimal light, you could still see his eyes sparking down at you… oh, that darn spell he put on you.

"Wanna tell me what's up?" He inquired, leaning his head to the side.

"Why would something be up?" You frowned, but the slightly too high pitch of your voice gave you away. For an actress, you were horrible at lying. Especially to Tom.

"I can always tell when you're distraught, darling." He mused, then turned around and walked to the edge of the stage, jumping off and vanishing in the darkness of the audience room.

"I'm not distraught!" You protested into the darkness. "I'm just… stressed. Because of the opening night in a week. That's all. And what are you doing over there anyway?"

"Making sure you, my darling Y/n, feel less stressed!" He replied cheerily, and mere seconds later you heard soft tunes coming from the theater's speakers, flowing through the empty room like a soft wind, a breath of fresh air. A smile came onto your lips, and a few short moments later Tom got back onto the stage with you. "They've all gone home, so we shouldn't be bothering anyone."

Again you smiled, resisting the urge to rip your heart out of your chest and tell it to slow the heck down. Tom was ALWAYS around you, wherever you went… this wasn't new. But usually you weren't completely alone, and usually your steamy scene didn't leave your heart screaming and begging for more this badly. For something real.

"Here…" He handed you his phone as he came to stand right in front of you. "Choose a song and we'll dance."

"We can't…" You frowned, but still took his phone upon his request. "This is work, I cannot lose my job, you know that very well, and the theater…"

"Will still be here tomorrow morning just like it is right now." Tom interrupted you with a mischievous yet happily excited smile. "Dance with me? Please?"

Oh, how could you resist those puppy eyes? Never, not in a million years could you refuse that man anything at all. With a sigh you considered your options… it was now or never. This was your chance to tell him, to SHOW him how you felt, despite everything that spoke against it. But he needed to know, and he deserved to know. And thus you made your song choice accordingly.

For a short moment Tom frowned, but once the lyrics started his eyes widened in recognition, and he smiled brightly. "Hey, I actually know a version of this song!"

"Good…" You chuckled, then returned his smile. He took a step towards you, taking your hands in his reluctantly and carefully, but still with that adoring smile. Slowly he pulled you closer to himself while his eyes never left yours, until at last he wrapped an arm around your waist and kept holding your hand in his own.

"Dance with me?" He asked again in a quiet voice that barely stood out over the music surrounding you, and all you could do was nod as you lost yourself in his eyes once more. Only that you couldn't yet say if you lost your bravery or your restraint.

Gently swaying to the music, Tom's hold on you seemed to tighten by the second while your emotions tightened around your throat in a menacing grasp, squeezing until you could hardly breathe anymore. Your hand on his back, clasping his shirt tightly, and your head fell against his shoulder as your eyes closed to the strong beating of his heart. Could he be feeling the same for you? He surely was all about you, every single day… but always reluctant to cross the line of friendship. You had to know, or your mind would tear your soul apart.

He had always been there to comfort you once you had started to doubt your place among the cast, and always pointed out how absolutely amazing you were in his eyes, both as an actress and as a person. And after you had told him about your fear of getting kicked out of the production, he had hugged you tightly and told you that he would make sure that nothing of the sort would happen.

"Oh gosh…" Tom suddenly breathed and you were forced to lift your head again, eyes locking back with his.

"What's up?" You frowned ever so slightly as you spoke, only to find your voice laced with the impossible weight of bottled up emotions.

"I… uhm, your skin…" He started, letting go of your hand in order to touch a gentle finger to the small bruise forming on your neck.

Your breathing hitched as his fingertips traced over that certainly spot once more, but you couldn't bring your eyes to leave his even though they were doomed to darken upon his gentle touch. The song ended, the theater fell quiet but for your shivery breath. Tom's eyes remained on yours, blown and unfathomable in the depth of their ever concealed emotions… his fingers ghosted over the spot on your neck yet again, and you visibly jumped right under his fingertips. His eyes darkened.

And before your mind could come back to its right place in the shadows of worry, your lips were ghosting over his in a gentle brush of reluctant innocence. Careful, asking for silent approval… but it never came.

You took a step backwards, tearing your own heart out in the process, while looking into Tom's wide eyes that were so hopelessly full of mixed emotions that you couldn't possibly tell what he felt. He only stared at you with the saddest face as his chest rose and fell too quickly and the silence between you became unbearable.

"I'm sorry…" You breathed and finally allowed the tears to gather in your eyes, blurring your vision and making it luckily impossible to see the pained expression his own gaze held. "I'm so sorry… I… I love you Tom. I love you… I'm so sorry."

For a few seconds he just stood still right in front of you, the very incarnation of a torn soul, until he finally took a step backwards. Your heart shattered into a million pieces.

"I'm sorry, Y/n…" He breathed with an expression that through your tears looked utterly unfathomable. "I… I can't."

"It's okay…" You smiled through the tears, adding just one more dagger to your already shattered heart. "You don't have to love me. It's okay."

Tom's lips parted immediately as if to reply something he knew he shouldn't, but he closed them again and looked down to the ground with a frown. Silence…

You couldn't bear it any longer, neither the pain nor the sight of his regretful face. It really wasn't his fault that you had fallen in love with him, and it wasn't his fault that he didn't love you back.

"You, uhm… you may not want to kiss that spot on my neck again, in rehearsals. It would be rather painful." You said quietly, as you walked past Tom towards the stage door without another word. And had you turned around only one more time, you might have caught a glimpse of the tears in his eyes.

_______________

You honestly didn't know what you had expected. That someone like Tom would actually love you back? Well, maybe. That telling him would make you feel better? Definitely. But had it? No… it made everything worse, and you could only hope to pick up the pieces now before it would be too late to save the friendship you had established.

And yet, on Monday morning when rehearsals went into the final week before opening night, you couldn't bring yourself to face Tom. Just looking at him, drinking coffee or eating sugar cookies or whatever, it made you want to bawl all over again, despite your attempt to convince yourself that you had run out of tears by Sunday night. And as Monday continued, you did your job and played your part surprisingly well for someone who hadn't slept a single minute in three days. Only that you avoided speaking to Tom despite your heart's ardent yearning to be close to him again… you honestly didn't know what you should've said.

And so the week continued with as much professionalism as you could manage, however the play's happiest scenes seemed a little more dull, like December's prevailing grey, while the sad ones appeared downright tragic in their deep sorrow. Yet, luckily, nobody but you seemed to notice. Almost nobody… for Tom's smile these days seemed to differ not from his character's, fooling even the most watchful eye but yours. You knew him better by now, knew that his honest smile did inexplicable things to you while his feigned one merely served to set lose the smallest butterflies. Or maybe they were moths indeed.

All your energy went into doing the best possible acting job you could, and actually succeeding in it.

Yet, on Thursday night, the second to last day of rehearsals, an event as unexpected as dawn at midnight momentarily lifted you out of your gloom.

"Hey, Y/n?" David called to you once everybody moved to the backstage area to pack up for the night.

"Yeah?" You managed as much as an acknowledging frown, but not a smile.

"Uhm, you know… I was wondering if you would fancy some dinner tonight? Nothing special, really, but there's this nice pub around the corner, and they serve the best burgers in town. I'm paying! Still owe you for that ingenious idea with the counter." He shrugged as he came to stand in front of you with a small smile, looking at your face expectantly.

In all honesty, you were starving. Luckily the first paycheck from the theater had come in, but that had barely sufficed to pay off the debt you'd gotten into over the previous period without work. That still left you with very little money to spend on quality food, and the prospect of both getting something to eat and some distraction from your thoughts about Tom sounded very tempting all of a sudden. And David had said it was nothing special, after all. Only payback.

"Sure, sounds great." You returned a weak attempt at a half smile. "Just let me grab my things and I'm all ready to head out."

He nodded, and you did just as you had said, walking over to the dressing rooms to get your bag and jacket as quickly as you could, for your stomach wouldn't hold up much longer before it would start digesting itself. And yet, just on your way out of the shared dressing room, rounding a corner, you bumped into someone. The someone was Tom.

Your eyes locked with his immediately as they went wide with both surprise and shock, and for a few long seconds you only stared at each other in this unfathomable expression of mixed guilt, sadness, pain and longing. It hadn't even taken one single, broken second however for him to have you under his spell yet again.

As your lips parted at last, in an attempt to force your brain to form sentences, his gaze darkened and he looked away, a deep frown falling upon his face.

"Tom…" You started, but he interrupted you before you could bring out any expression of sincere remorse.

"Have fun with David." Was all he said before he pushed past you into the dressing room and left you standing in the dim overhead lights of the hallway, alone.

_______________

The evening went alright, for you at least succeeded in one thing out of the two you were hoping for, namely getting something proper to eat. Forgetting about Tom however didn't even remotely work out, for David kept going on and on about how amazing the two of you were doing in the play, except for the last scene, which according to him had gotten a little stiff, beginning with this week. You'd agreed of course, but not told him the reason for that, and only promised to do better on Friday.

Yet once Friday afternoon came, and it was time to run through the entire play one last time, you stood on stage chewing on your bottom lip. The first half of the play had gone well, and you used the break in between now to try to gather up some courage to do the scenes with Tom the best you could. David however interrupted your train of thought as he slalomed around your co-actors on stage, towards you. As he politely pushed some people out of the way, you spotted Tom on the other side of the stage, watching you intently.

"Y/n!" David said cheerily as he came to stand in front of you, and you put on a fake smile. "Y/n, I… I just wanted to thank you again for the lovely evening. It was a little… spontaneous, for a first date, but-"

"Date?" You blurted out, interrupting David. Behind him, you saw that Tom was walking away. Damnit. So you focused back on the man in front of you with a blush and an irritated expression. "Uh, I… we… but…"

Recognition flashed through David's face, before a sheepish smile spread on his lips and he chuckled in what you could only call embarrassment. "Well, I see we didn't really have the same idea about last night then… Uhm… I… I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I really didn't mean to. If you'd prefer it not being a date, that's perfectly fine. Sorry."

"Oh, no, I mean yes, I mean… I'm sorry! I kinda didn't get the gist last night, and I thought we were only going for dinner as colleagues, or friends… because that's really all I consider us to be…" You said, feeling a little bad for him. But you really didn't have any interest in him like that, and your mind was entirely elsewhere at the moment. "But you know, it's totally fine… We had a fun evening and now that we're on the same page about that, all is good. Right?"

"Yeah… All's good." David gave you another apologetic smile. "Thanks for being so chill about this… misunderstanding."

"Oh, don't worry… I have enough drama in my life right now to suffice a lifetime. I don't need any more of it." You chuckled softly, and David gave you a thumbs up before making his way off stage to announce the end of the break.

_______________

Something was off. Not only because Tom was actually a good five minutes late for the second half of the play to begin, but also because he refused to even look at you during the first scenes. Your stomach was in knots, as were your nerves. Gods, you missed him...

Then it came to your scene… and Tom's eyes were on yours so suddenly that they felt like a strike of lightning that went right to your core. He had you under his spell again in an instant, and you were lost for the outside world.

His gaze was dark, intimidating… dangerous, as he came walking towards you, and you felt like prey sacrificed to a starving god. The hand that usually fell to your waist in such a gentle manner was replaced by a strong, demanding grip that had your skin covered in goosebumps immediately as he pulled your frozen frame against his own once he stood in between your legs, tightly pressing you against him. Your lips parted.

An inch between your face and his, quivering breath fanning across your skin… the gentlest of kisses on your cheekbone, a ghosting of his lips down your cheek. Your eyes fluttered shut as your head leaned to the side, willingly surrendering to him the most sensitive skin of your neck.

A sigh from the depth of his throat, and your breathing hitched, your hand reaching out to touch him only to halt mid-air in a shiver of reluctance, of remembering… The sweetest of kisses in a torturing slowness down your neck, the tickle of his breath on your skin, and your hand became entangled in his curls without your permission.

A low hum met your ear from the depth of his chest as his lips grew bolder and his hold on you stronger… You pulled him closer to you with the faintest gasp, tugging on the silken strands of hair between your fingers. The echo of his heartbeat in your chest, drumming with your own.

A growl… his lips found your weakest spot where last week's bruise was fading alongside the memory of his touch. A bite. Your quiet moan into the silent room, his name falling from your lips like a silent prayer. You pulled him closer… He stilled. A deep breath.

Tom's lips were on your own in a heartbeat, intense and passionate like licking flames, taking and giving the love previously denied. You gasped, and he took the opportunity to trace your bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, asking, trying… and you allowed him.

Like troubled waters that roughly wave, your mind's twists and turns ebbed down only with the passing storm at last, and finally you could see, could feel, through the sudden regained clearness, to the very bottom of the sea of truth. Tom loved you… he had all along.

Then your thoughts stilled once his lips left a haunting trail of feathery kisses as they moved to your ear, and at last he spoke in a whisper. "You're mine."

______________________________

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I sincerely hope you guys enjoyed this 😊💚💚 I was kinda inspired to write something more steamy both by @hopelessromanticspoonie and @just-the-hiddles , for they just write the greatest steamy stuff 😁 I'm still trying to improve though, so feedback is more than welcome 💗 hugs!

[letterboxd]

The Other Bill and Ted.

As No Man of God hits theaters and VOD following its Tribeca premiere in June, director Amber Sealey talks to Dominic Corry about her Ted Bundy two-hander and answers our Life in Film questions.

Amber Sealey has been very acknowledging of the fact that her new film is one of many to center around the horrific crimes of serial rapist and murderer Ted Bundy. As she outlined in her Tribeca Q&A with Letterboxd, one way she intended No Man of God to stick out from the pack was through the use of consciously silent background characters who represent Bundy’s voiceless victims.

The structure and source of the film also help distinguish it from other Ted Bundy movies: No Man of God is based on the recordings of FBI agent Bill Hagmaier (played in the film by Elijah Wood), who was tasked with interviewing an incarcerated Bundy in the years leading up to his execution, in order to help determine whether or not he was criminally insane, which could’ve helped to remove Bundy from death row.

With many of Bundy’s victims never officially attributed to the killer, Hagmaier also sought to draw confessions, and something resembling remorse, out of Bundy, to help bring closure to those victims’ families. As detailed in the film, much of which was taken directly from transcripts of the interviews, Bundy and Hagmaier’s relationship was complicated, and the intimacy that develops between them informs No Man of God in often uncomfortable ways.

Luke Kirby and Elijah Wood in a scene from ‘No Man of God’.

Wood (also a producer on the film) and Luke Kirby turn in career-high work as Hagmaier and Bundy, respectively, while Sealey textures the film with some of the most emotive stock-footage montage sequences this side of The Parallax View. Among positive reactions to the film, Claira Curtis, in a four-star review, writes: “Perhaps one of the most successful elements lies in Amber Sealey’s uncentering of the ‘genius’ moniker that has followed Bundy through his years of infamy.” On the pairing of Wood and Kirby in the leading roles, Connor Ashdown-Ford notes that “the chemistry between them both is so authentic it’s darn right unsettling”.

Unsettling is right. Late in the film, Sealey depicts a real-life TV interview that took place between Bundy and evangelical preacher/​author/​psychologist James Dobson (played by stalwart character actor Christian Clemonson), who uses Bundy to forward his anti-pornography agenda. Throughout this scene, the camera lingers on a young female member of the TV crew (played by an uncredited Hannah Jessup) as she silently reacts to being in Bundy’s presence. Emblematic of Sealey’s aforementioned philosophy in constructing the film, it’s a moment that appears to be having an impact on audiences, as detailed in Nolan Barth’s review: “She might have one of my favorite performances of this year? She shows us fascination, guilt, disgust and fear in like only 30 seconds of screen time. Give her an Oscar. Please.”

In an awkward incident that represents a perhaps unanticipated effect of there being so many contemporaneous movies with the same subject matter, director Joe Berlinger (Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, the Paradise Lost trilogy), who recently directed both the Zac Efron-starring scripted Ted Bundy biopic Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile and the documentary Conversations with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes, sent an email to Sealey ahead of No Man of God’s Tribeca premiere about remarks she had made while discussing how her film differentiated itself from the existing Ted Bundy movies. He felt she had accused him of glorifying Bundy. After Sealey took the exchange public, she explained to Variety that she had never singled out Berlinger’s films in any of her remarks.

In a conversation with Letterboxd, Sealey delves into her approach to No Man of God, and talks about some of her filmic inspirations.

‘No Man of God’ director Amber Sealey.

There is really effective and creepy use of stock-footage montages in this film. Sometimes you see that sort of thing at the beginning of a film, but it’s interesting that you keep going back to them after using them in the opening credits. What was the thinking in using those montages and how did you select the footage? Amber Sealey: The thinking for those was a couple things: One, we don’t leave the prison, and I wanted [the audience] to know a little bit what’s going on outside, in terms of the cultural zeitgeist, like what’s the tone of the time? What movies are popular? What books are popular? What are people wearing? I wanted to have there be a kind of cultural touchstone outside of the prison, but at the same time I wanted it to represent potentially a little bit of what was going on inside Bill’s mind. So the story of the montages as they go on, it gets a little bit more fucked up, for lack of a better word, for Bill, inside of his head.

We were originally going to shoot the crowd scenes [of protesters outside the prison] and recreate them and then because of Covid restrictions, we couldn’t do that anymore. So then I knew we were going to be using archival footage for the crowd, and I didn’t want the archival crowd footage to suddenly jump out as being so different from the rest of our film. We’re shooting on an ARRI camera, [so it’s] not going to look like a Hi-8 from the 1980s. I needed to incorporate this look, this ’80s grainy look into the rest of the movie so that it feels like it’s part and parcel of the film, part of the storytelling.

We got [the footage] in different ways. I have an old friend that I’ve known since I was like, two, he lived next door to me, and my cousin, they both had video cameras in the ’80s and would film everything. So some of that footage is old family footage of their family or friends. There’s a couple shots in there of my neighbors when I was growing up. Then some of it, we did a lot of research on [stock-imagery services] Getty and Pond5, just finding archival footage that we could use that really told the story that we wanted to tell with the montages. It was a lengthy process finding all of that footage for sure.

What was Bill Hagmaier’s involvement in the film? Bill is an executive producer on the film, so he was very involved. The transcripts of those conversations between Bill and Ted, we got from Bill. Bill gave us so much great stuff to work with—the newer FBI files that he was allowed to share with us and the recordings, and when the script was originally written it was written based off of those recordings, and the writer originally spoke to Bill and then when I came on board, I talked to him and then I changed the script, even more from conversations I had with him. He was just a resource.

Almost every [character] you see on screen, those are real people, and he hooked us up with a lot of those real people. I spoke with the prison guards and the wardens and all of that. Then he was just a resource in terms of like, I would ask him, “what color were your shoes?” “Did you carry this kind of briefcase or that kind of briefcase?” Because it was important to me that all that production-design stuff was really authentic. I liked to know, like, “what were your haircuts like then, Bill?” So he was available to talk about the emotional side of things, and then the real just humdrum kind of things. He’s just a lovely guy, he’s really supportive of me and of the film and he just wanted to be accessible as much as he could and he was. He’s a very humble, generous person.

Aleksa Palladino plays civil-rights attorney Carolyn Lieberman to Luke Kirby’s Ted Bundy.

What films did you watch, or cite as reference points in preparation for No Man of God? Literally hundreds and hundreds of movies. When I’m looking for my creative look, I just watched so many films, and a lot of old films. I’d have to go back and look at my look book to tell you all of them but I pull images from the weirdest places. But once I get past figuring out the creative look of the film, I don’t then like to watch the movies a lot because I try to really make it its own thing and I worry too much that I’ll be copycatting other artists and I want to try [to] avoid that.

What’s your favorite true-crime movie? Oh god, what was the one about the guy who like, went to the bathroom and confessed, accidentally? He forgot his mic was on? Do you remember that one?

The Jinx? Yeah. Even though it’s a documentary, I’m going to go with that.

What’s your favorite big-screen serial-killer performance? It has to be Luke Kirby. Luke Kirby as Bundy.

What was the first horror film you saw? My dad had me watch Cat People when I was nine. Does that count?

The Val Lewton one? The ’80s one.

Oh, the Paul Schrader one? Yes! The Paul Schrader one.

Nastassja Kinski in Paul Schrader’s ‘Cat People’ (1982).

When you were nine years old? Yeah. I also watched Blue Velvet when I was nine. Oh wow, thank you Dad.

What’s the most disturbing film you’ve ever seen? Most disturbing, hmm… Kids.

What film made you want to become a filmmaker? It was Michael Winterbottom’s Nine Songs. My first film was a reaction to that movie. I’m a huge Winterbottom fan. That’s a great movie, but also it advertises itself as being a real relationship and real sex and I watched it and I was like, well that’s not like any… it was like two models, you know? Their sex scenes were like a perfume ad and I was like, well that’s not what real sex looks like for real people. I made my first feature after that.

What’s your go-to comfort movie? Oh, so many, let’s think. The Proposal. I love Trainwreck. I really like rom-coms, like if I’m sick or something, I’ll watch rom-coms. Roman Holiday, stuff like that.

What’s a classic that you couldn’t get into or that you think is overrated? Umm. Star Wars. I’m trying to think, there’s something else that I just don’t like… everyone loves that singing movie. What’s that singing movie that when Moonlight won the Oscar, it got announced?

La La Land. Yeah. I was not into that.

What filmmaker living or dead do you envy/admire the most? Yorgos Lanthimos. Or Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

If you were forced to remake a classic movie, what would you remake? Grease.

Who would be in the cast of your Grease remake? Oh I don't even know but it would be much darker. It would still be a musical and still be funny, but much darker.

I would like to see that movie. I would too.

Related content

Diego’s list of films featuring the FBI

Boris1980’s list of films about serial killers

Follow Dominic on Letterboxd

‘No Man of God’ is in theaters and on VOD from August 27, 2021.

[amazingdriverfics]

Making up

Hey, I missed some Sackler and thought of this, surprise surprise, instead of sleeping. It’s currently 2 am where I live and here I am. Anyway, hope you enjoy it!

Word Count: 3.6k 

Warnings: lil bit of angst, language, smut, bisexual reader

Pairing: Adam Sackler x Reader

Summary: the last time you had seen him made you wish you would never do it again

Sitting in the chair next to the play director, you waited patiently as the actors one by one performed for their audition, it was boring, frustrating and you were almost throwing a chair at the stage. God, when did actors become so fucking terrible at their jobs? A deep voice took you from your thoughts back to what was happening right in front of you. 

“Uh, hello. I’m Adam Sackler and I’m here to try for the role of George”. No way, this was not happening, there was absolutely no way that after all these years you were going to have to deal with him again, not after how things ended. As soon as you gathered courage to look at the stage your fear was confirmed, your ex-best friend was standing right there, and just by seeing the start of his performance you knew he would be the one to star it next to you. Adam always was an excellent actor, he could make you feel every single emotion he wanted, his every movement, facial expression and voice tone in character. Even in college, Sackler was simply explendid in what he did and that was one of the things you used to admire more in him.

6 years ago 

In your room, already dressed, you hummed a pop melody you had been obsessed with while you finished your makeup. You intended to look the best you possibly could, that night was the night you had decided to finally talk to the girl you had been crushing hard for a couple of months. You met Angie in your part time job in the book shop in campus, she was a History major student who worked with you at mondays and thursdays, she always engaged in small talks with you and you did your absolute best not to gag while talking to the purple haired girl. One of the fraternities was throwing a party and you had invited her to come with you and your best friend slash roommate Adam Sackler. 

You had moved into his place as soon as you went to college, the rent was something you could definitely afford, you would live 5 minutes away from the campus and with another acting major. At first, you found Adam very strange, the 6’3” foot man would get out of his room shirtless to have a drink of milk in the middle of the night and usually acted like you were not there while doing it, he would also engage in very strange topics, he hated when you brought any of your friends home and had very loud sex. You started to like Sackler when he helped you studying for a test, that was the first time the two of you had a decent talk. Ever since, you were inseparable, every night you would sit on the couch and watch some sitcom while judging the script and acting skills of the actors, you always went to bed with your tummy hurting from how much you had laughed. At the time, you had even developed a crush in the man, but he never gave you any signs that he felt the same so you dropped it, happy to call him your best friend. 

“Are you ready? Your crush is here” Adam said bringing his head into your room and taking your mind off your thoughts about the man himself. “Oh my God, I’ll be there in a minute” you said applying one last coat of mascara. “Wait, Adam” you screamed making his head appear again. “What is it, kid?” his eyes met yours. “Do I look good?” you asked spinning around and showing all of you. “As usual, you are stunning. Now, let’s get going” the man stated leaving you again. 

Slowly, you made your way to the living room watching as your best friend talked to Angie, her mere presence already making you nervous. She was so so beautiful, her purple hair was in a messy bun, she was wearing a tight black dress which hugged her body perfectly and high heels to finish the look. “H-hi, Angie, you are very pretty to-tonight” you gagged, cursing yourself for making a fool of yourself. As an attempt to calm you down, Sackler brought his right hand to your lower back. “You look very good yourself, y/n” your crush replied making your face become instantly red. “T-thank you” you replied as the three of you made your way out of your home to the party, Adam leading the way. 

Getting to the party was easy, you three walked for about six minutes and you were already in the place, the sound blasting with dancy tunes, booze smell all around and a few couples making out in the grass in front of the house. The start was pretty fun, Sackler was the first to go solo - as usual - probably meeting some of his classmates or, more likely, already sucking someone’s lips out of their faces. You, on the other hand, was finally alone with Angie. After getting some drinks on the kitchen, the two of you made your way to the dancefloor, her body sensually touching yours as she danced against it, her head on your shoulder, it wasn’t long before your hands found her waist pressing her even more to you. The woman turned around and her black eyes met yours as she closed the distance between your faces sealing your lips with a deep hungry kiss. Unfortunately for you, after a while of heavy making out, Angie had to excuse herself to go to the bathroom. Her absence was starting to get too long making you nervous and worried that something might be happening.

It wasn’t long before you found her. 

Angie’s purple hair was what instantly made you recognize her, she was kissing someone else and it didn’t take you much to recognize that someone as well, his black hair, tall and broad figure dressed in white shirt and jeans were impossible to mistake, you just couldn’t believe that your best friend was kissing the girl you had been talking about ceaselessly in the past months, Adam Sackler was such a jerk. Before you could stop yourself, you poked his shoulder forcing his mouth to disconnect with Angie’s as his head turned around to face you. You didn’t give him a chance to say anything since as soon as his eyes met yours, your hand hit his face making a loud slap noise muffled by the song. Shortly after, you were out of the house making your way back home. 

That night ended even more terribly, the two of you had fought and said very mean things about each other, in the following day you were out there as you moved to a common dorm. Until this very moment you had never seen Sackler again. 

Fortunately, as soon as Adam finished the audition and the director said she would call him to tell if he got in, the man left the auditorium, causing you to, instantly, feel lighter knowing that you wouldn’t have to deal with him today. 

Oh boy, you were wrong. You only found out how wrong you were the minute you left the theatre when suddenly a hand pulled you from the direction you had been going. Your face stopped just a few inches before colliding with a defined chest that for you had just seen a couple of minutes ago. 

“What do you want, Sackler?” you asked, your tone showing your discomfort with the situation. “Hello for you too, kid. After all these years you are still mad at me?” the familiar voice you had listened to so much years ago filled your ears. “After all that bullshit you said to me? What do you think?” you gritted through your teeth getting angrier by the minute. “I was a dick to you, I know and believe it or not, I’m sorry. I have an explanation for what happened that night” he replied with a pout and giving you the same puppy eyes he used to give you when he wanted you to cook dinner. You laughed, “This is going to be good, but we are not doing this in the middle of the street, come” you said unable to resist his supplicating face. 

Stepping away from the man, you started to walk to your car parked just in front of the theater. Not hearing his heavy footsteps following, you turned to face him once again finding out that Sackler was still in the same damn spot you had left him in. “Are you coming?” you asked. As a reply you got an nervous nod from your ex-friend that quickly was getting in the car with you. The drive was filled with an awkward silence, neither of you knew what to say, things had ended badly and even though it had been a long time ago, losing your best friend because he couldn’t keep his tongue to himself still hurted a bit. Thankfully, the theater wasn’t far from your place, a three store building you had been living for two years, ever since you got the job in the acting company. There wasn’t a garage so you parked right outside not waiting for Adam as you made your way to the building’s front door, climbing its dark stairs while you looked for your keys in the mix of throwed things inside your purse. By the time you were finally able to open it, he was by your side switching his balance in between his legs. 

As soon as you entered your living room taking off your shoes and letting your purse by the dinning table, you turned to Sackler anxious for what he had to say. In the months which followed the big fight, you had wished to speak to him a lot, but your pride just wouldn’t allow it, you had missed him a lot too, but eventually you gave up and finally let yourself leave what had happened in the past, however, seeing him in front of you took you right back to those months where you foolishly hoped that he would come to beg you for forgiveness or that you would gather the courage to confront the man and solve things. 

“You can start whatever it is that you are planning to do” you said, doing your best to keep your emotions from showing in your face as you grabbed a cup of water trying to prepare yourself for what was coming your way. Adam swallowed dry before his voice met your ears. “Hm. Well, like I said before, I was a jerk to you and I know it and I also know that I probably should have looked for you earlier to say this” he started, his voice kinda shaky from the nervousness you could see in his body language. “You swear?” you mocked, a dry laugh following it. “I deserve this. See, kid, I read in a newspaper last week a review about your performance in the last play you theater company did and the minute your face showed up I was like ‘fuck this is the incredible girl I, yet again, pushed away being a total dick who can’t express his fucking feelings’. And I-i knew that I had to fix it, sure, maybe it is too late to, but I had to give it a try, I thought to myself.” he stopped looking into your eyes waiting for a reaction which caused you to nod interested in what Sackler had to say. “So I enrolled myself for the next male role they were auditioning for thinking of meeting you. I wasn’t expecting to see you at the try out, guess I was lucky” he shrugged “Here goes nothing. You see, kid, when you moved in, the first thing that went through my mind was ‘this woman is fucking hot’, but I was also really scared of  being too fucking weird and end up pushing you away, I’m a master at doing this kinda shit, ya’ know, so I stayed away. That was until I saw you dying to pass in that dick Jefferson’s test and decided to help you out. You were sweet, funny and kind.” you still remembered the day vividly, it held a special place in your heart and knowing that it did the same to him, made you softer causing your indiferent facade to melt away.

“And shit, ever since then you were so fucking present in my day, helping me out with my shit, watching those stupid fucking sitcoms and judging them with me. I fell for you and it scared the shit out of me so I didn’t do anything. Then you started to talk about that Angie girl, and I didn’t even want to kiss her, but you were so fucking into the woman that the only way I figured out for pushing you away from her was fucking her. I don’t even know what the hell I was thinking, you know I’m not a very smart guy with feelings. When you catched me with her I could see in your eyes how much I fucked up so, as I made my way home, I built up some walls around me trying to keep the situation from hurting me, which didn’t work. So when I found you at our place instead of apologizing like I should’ve done, I screamed and called you names. When you left the other day I was so fucking embarrassed and heartbroken that I never went looking for you to have this stupid conversation I’m having now, six years too late.” Adam finished making you even more angry than you were before.

“Unbelievable. You are so fucking stupid, Sackler. You have zero emotional intelligence, for fucks sake. I wanted to kiss you so bad when we started to hang out, but you didn’t give any fucking signal back. Think for a second of how much easier all of that would have been. God dammit, you need to talk to people. If you had told me any of your feelings I would have never have fallen for Angie, your gigantic idiot.” you throwed up the words, mad at the man for causing a huge problem that should have never even existed. “You liked me back?” he said, voice above a whisper. “You bet your sorry ass I did, jer-”, you were stopped when his lips met yours all out of the sudden. 

At first, you didn’t kiss him back still mad at him, but the part of you that never stopped missing Adam eventually won. You closed your eyes and allowed your hands to embrace his neck, your nails slowly scratching the part where his hair met the skin. As a reply, Sackler’s hand grabbed your ass tightly, squeezing it hard making you moan into his mouth and sending pleasure to your core. “Eager, are we?” he said mocking your red face and the little grunts that ended up escaping your mouth and dying in his. “Shut up, Sackler” you replied embarrassed at your own need. “Your wish is an order” he purred next to your ear before taking your earlobe into his mouth teasing it with his teeth, up next, his mouth started to make its way to your breasts leaving a tray of purple and red marks along the way. “Let’s take this thing off” he said as his hands held to the bottom of your shirt lifting it up as quickly as he possibly could. When the piece of clothing met the floor, his eyes met your exposed nipples since you weren’t wearing anything under the shirt.

“Such a fucking slut, walking out there without a bra, begging for these to be sucked” he said, his deep voice dripping with arousal as his fingers teased your hard nubs. “I guess I’ll be the one to teach you some fucking manners”. As soon as the words left his mouth, he let go of your right nipple replacing his fingers with his tongue and slapping your ass hard making you squirm under his ministrations. Shortly after, his tongue gave espace to his teeth as he carefully bit your nub. “M-more” you whispered, your cunt aching for his touch. 

“More what?” Sackler replied his eyes with a mischievous glam looking directly into your as he gave your other ass check a hard slap making you groan. “Answer me, slut” he demanded, his roughness and dirty talk making you wetter. “More. Puh-lease, sir” your voice echoed through the room foreign to you since it was shaky from all the need and pleasure you were simultaneously feeling. “That’s more how I like it” the man stated taking all of his clothing of. “Undress and get on the couch” was all he said before starting to pump his length slowly, teasing its tip and gathering the precum oozing from it for lubricate his movements. 

Your body reacted before your brain could form a coherent thought, in instants, your pants and panties were on the floor connecting the way from the door to the couch and you were on your hands and knees in its comfy surface, your breath loud and heavy as you watched Adam touching himself, your anticipation killing you slowly. As he closed the distance between the two of you, his hands never stopped touching his big and hard erection. It wasn’t long before he was behind you, his index finger from the free hand slowly going up and down your folds never touching your sore stiff clit. “You are such a filthy thing. We barely started and you are already dripping. Your sweet pussy begging for my big cock to tear it”, all you could do besides moaning a serie of ‘please’s was nod your head several times hoping that it would encourage him to end your pain. “You want me to make you cum? Beg for it, slut” he purred, none of his hands quitting their movements. “Please, please, sir, make me cum, make me feel so fucking good, like only you can” you begged desperate for it. 

The reply you gave seemed to please him enough since his finger finally touched your clit causing you to release a relieved noise and allow your head to fall between your arms. While circling it, he took his other hand inserting two fingers in your slickery hole, curling them and hitting your g spot over and over again, following the same rhythm his other finger circled your clit applying just the right amount of pressure on it. Soon, your release was getting closer, your eyes started to close as you focused on every sensation Sackler made you feel. When your orgasm hit, you were sent to another dimension, pleasure coursing through your every atom as you moaned his name. 

After you recovered from your intense climax, Sackler took his fingers away from your pussy, substituting them with his thick and long erection, stretching you open in ways you had never been before, every inch making your feel fuller. When he was finally done, his filthy words filled the air once again “Y-you are so fucking tight, you are strangling my damn cock”. His sheer length was making you squirm already, but every word that left his mouth make you unconsciously clench your cunt around him. As soon as you got accustomed to his size, you threw your hips back, a sign that he could start moving. Quickly, he was pounding in and out of you, in and out of you, in a merciless pace which made the sound of his pelvis meeting your ass echo loudly through the living room, your moans just as loud. Sackler’s hands were gripping your waist so tight that you knew it would bruise - not that you really cared -. 

“Ur so fucking good to me - jesusfuckingchrist - I wished I had fucked this pussy earlier”, you tried to sassy him since he was the one to blame, but he was fucking you so well that you couldn’t form a understandable phrase, all that left your mouth were whimpers as you felt his cock filling you perfectly and hitting your cervix in a unbelievable pace. “You can’t talk back, slut?” he gave a strangled laugh “Like you better l-liike that”. 

Taking one of his hands out of your waist, he took it to your clit rubbing it quickly and  pressuring it deliciously, taking you closer to the edge with every passing second. The fullness you were feeling and the electricity your nub filled with blood was sending to your brain making you tighter. It wasn’t long before you climaxed for the second time, losing the strength of your arms as your body shook, if it wasn’t for his grip you would have fell with your face directly on the couch. “Sweetfuck, you are milking my cock, shitshit”.

His pace became irregular and it wasn’t long before he took his erection out of you painting your ass and back with his release. Gently, Sackler laid you on the couch asking you where the bathroom was. When he returned with a towel to clean you up, you were watching a sitcom - you had put it on after using all you strength left to pick the remote - waiting for him. “After you clean your mess, let’s watch it like the old times” you said shaking your head towards the tv. 

“If you insist” he said with a smile on his beautiful face.

[iminyourhandskara]

Chris Wood on FatMan Beyond with Kevin Smith and Marc Bernardin. (Full interview transcript)

A MASSIVE, MASSIVE THANK YOU TO @bwaybenoist WHO HELPED ME A LOT WITH THIS. ❤❤❤❤

to the anon who requested this, and for whoever wants to read this, enjoy!

__________________

Kevin: One of my favorite people in the world, man. If you're lucky enough, you get to work with people you like, and I met this kid on a set and most people on sets, you know, 'not necessarily all likable and stuff like that.

Marc: Careful.

Kevin: Yeah. (indistinct) This kid ain't just likable, he's fucking lovable, man. I was like, goddamn it, I fell in love with him the way I fell in love with Ben Affleck, where I'm like "You should be in everything! Fuckin, you should play Fletch." I still to this day think he'd be the perfect Fletch based on the Gregory McDonald books. When we got lucky enough to work on Masters of the Universe from Mattel on Netflix, I, you know, there was always a like "We could probably get a big cast for this" and stuff, so I played very few cards in terms of like "Well, here's who I think you could get and stuff like that" because Netflix, Mattel, these cats putting up the money, they should tell us who they want and stuff and Teddy who's our Netflix exec, he loves MOTU, so like casting of course with Netflix, the ability to draw talent is gonna be right up his alley. But one of the only names I put forward in the process..I was like “I worked with Chris Wood, and he is SO good, like he would be an excellent Prince Adam and He-Man as well of course, but like, can I put him on the list?” and they put him on the list, and you know, I thought that was gonna be it, “Kevin made a suggestion and we’ll put him in there and then it will never happen.” And he got the job, legit got the job. Mattel loved him, Netflix loved him, boom, he’s our prince Adam! So, here tonight, you got him? Here tonight, man..*Skype sound* Making a little chit-chat, that’s the sound of joy. That means we’re gonna talk to a guest, we get to open the door and welcome to Fatman Beyond, uh, He-Man himself, ladies and gentleman, Prince Adam, I give you..Chris Wood.

Chris: Oh my goodness.

Marc: Look at that intro.

Kevin: And look at that pretty ass man, look at how pretty he is.

Chris: *Plays Jellicle Cats from CATS*

Kevin: Somebody’s been listening to the show!

Chris: Reminiscing about..the Winter Garden Theater.

Kevin: This is actually..I was gonna say..

Chris: My first Broadway show I ever saw, Kevin!

K: Was CATS?

C: Was CATS!

K: I totally forgot as we were sitting here, going “Nobody’s gonna care about us talking about Broadway.” There’s one guy waiting to be on the show who was like “I’d love it if it was all--”

C: I was having the time of my life! This was like Batman, Broadway edition, I loved it.

K: Give us the full rundown of every Broadway show that you’ve ever seen, and when you say Broadway, do you mean--

C: I mean, I mean Broadway.

K: You mean like seeing it on Broadway, not just live theater.

C: No man, that’s where I got my start, that was my whole...the stage was my whole thing. You’d have to sit here for like three hours to hear all of the shows I ever saw..

K: Are you serious? So wait you-

C: It’s got a soft place in my heart still.

K: You uhm, I remember when I was working on Supergirl, at one point Melissa was just like: “He was in Sweeney Todd!” and I was like “What?” Were you in Sweeney Todd?

C: It’s true, yeah.

M: With Victor Garber?

C: Yeah.

K: Yeah, it’s surprising, he was in Sweeney Todd and has worked on a Victor Garber adjacent show.

C: Yeah.

K: I (was) saying before Ben Affleck’s my last card, I’m turning to Chris Wood to make that Victor Garber connection.

C: Yeeees! Hey guys!

M: Hey man!

K: How are you sir?

C: What’s going on?

K: So wait, what- you were a musical theater guy.Correct?

C: That (was) my thing, man. All through college and high school and growing up, that was like-- aside from making movies on my Super8-- that was my, that was my other hobby.

K: What is uh- look, for those who don’t follow very closely: Chris has acted for a long time, I met him playing Mon-El when I was directing Supergirl episodes. Of course as I said, he’s playing our He-Man. What was the vampire show that Mewes loves that you were on?

C: The Vampire Diaries, yeah, yeah.

K: The Vampire Diaries as well and stuff, uhm, and he’s a wonderful actor and gorgeous human being but-

C: You’re always- you have the kindest intros in the world, Kevin. You’re- I come on just blushing every time I talk to you. 

K: He’s wonderful (but) this is wanna lay out there: he is a fucking hell of a writer.

M: Outstanding. 

C: Oh wow! It’s still going!

K: And you know that like I’m not just saying it’s a butter him up because we could totally just talk about He-Man and that’s it but like-- I’ve read a script that he wrote that took me back to 1994, where I was like-- This is what I felt like when I saw Indie Film. It reignited a love for indie film because the film was impressionistic and wonderful and original and singular in vision and stuff..

C: And nobody will ever make it..*Laughs* All of the qualities of a terrific independent film.

K: You got- you got some pushback on the movie. “Some people like this? What?” but he wrote- didn’t you write a script that went someplace legit or whatnot? Are you allowed to talk about it?

C: I did, yeah. It’s not public yet, but we’re--

K: That’s not public? That wasn’t in the trades or anything like that?

C: Not yet, man. It’s still like..under the table wheeling and dealing.

K: Alright, we can’t say what it is, but I can tell you right now, it’s like- it’s something that you and I (Marc) would work our Whole lives to achieve and we’ve been doing- all we have is writing. And this motherfucker has everything in life and he’s about to have that as well. But well worth it, because he’s wonderful at the written word. What do you attribute that to?

C: The written word?

K: Yeah. Where’d you- How come you’re such a good writer?

C: Well, that’s very- Thank you first of all. Uhm, writing, I always kinda did it. I think I was like you, Kev, when I was a kid I just- no one was giving me pages to shoot or to have my friends put on plays in the garage, so I had to write my own words. So, I kind of always done it. I remember writing plays and I’d write up thirty pages of a script when I was 13 years old and I’d hand it out to my cousins and we’d perform it for all of our aunts and uncles and grandparents. I kind of always done it, just never been paid for it.

K: Yeah, that’s the dream, to get paid for it at the same time. I saw when my man got married, he whipped out beautiful words as well. Like you know, where you get to like say something to your-

M: Your vows.

K: There you go. That’s that word, “vows”

C: “What do we call those *snaps fingers* those promises we make.

K: I smoked those away. *Laughs* Even his vows, were like beautiful, like incredibly well fuckin written, beautiful choice of words, look-

C: My missus..

K: I mean, yes.

C: (Blew me out) the water.

K: Who went first, was it you or her who went first?

C: She went first, that’s why I couldn’ t-- I couldn’t speak through mine.

K: Yeah, both of them got real beautiful.

C: Oh man..

K: The thing is, I knew Woody was a writer because I read his script and what not. Didn’t homegirl open with “I’m not a writer” and then dropped one of the most beautiful fucking speeches that you’ve ever heard in your life? It was really great, really special for me to be there for, man. The point is this kid here writes well, the point is one day he’s gonna take my advice and write himself his own fucking lead in the movie that he should make, particularly that one that I love and make a movie, ‘cause he’s got all the ingredients. Like you know, like me I was like “I wanna make a movie” but like I had to hire actors and shit like that. Well, not hire but beg them to be in it. Thank God they were. But like he could write himself a part and be that fucking part and direct himself in the part, because he’s been on enough sets so knows how the process works.

M: So what you’re saying is he’s unfair.

K: Yes, I don’t want to say it in front of him and embarrass the man but yeah.

C: I’m so sorry.

K: Um, take us into, for those watching at home uh, talk a little bit about Vampire Diaries. When did that, was that the first thing you did?

C: That was one of my early kind of like public roles, um, I had done some stuff before that, nothing really that caught on with a fan base. That was sort of the first thing I did where people got excited about a character I was doing, um and wanted more of them, so they wrote me more stuff, um, yeah that was, I guess, I started on that seven years ago? Eight years ago?

K: And what was the, did you leave? Did they kill you off gracefully? Did you leave because you were like “I don’t want to do this”.

C: Yeah, I was a bad guy, so with like all good villains in our favourite shows, they have to meet some sort of demise or just, you know go into a spin-off *Laughs*. It’s kind of either-or. Or they’re Skeletor and then they just exist forever as an equal force.

K: So after, how long were you done with that show before you went and did Supergirl?

C: So I did a couple of things after that, um, I did a mini-series and I was on a limited series called ‘Containment’ about a pandemic, much like what we’re living in now. A little too timely, I kind of don’t recommend it at the moment, but yeah I did that and then right after that ended, that’s when I went up to Vancouver.

K; So wait, and if I remember correctly, Containment, did Julie Plec do that? Didn’t she also…

C: Yeah, yeah, that was Julie Plec, who did Vampire Diaries. She kind of pulled me across, from that experience.

K: When you’re making it, are you like “silly fictional world this will never happen.”.

M: “I’ll never need to remember any of this.”.

C: You know what, I feel like in a way the show kind of prepared me for the quarantine because I read so much about the Spanish Flu and about outbreaks and what actually happened, so when this all started happening, I was like “guys no no no, this is real” you know like, when people who play lawyers think they’re lawyers? It was kind of one of those things, suddenly I thought I knew, I was like “send me in I’m ready guys”.

M: Was there any Containment swag that you got to keep like “oh they sent me all these masks, I got all of these masks!”

C: I wish! I think I have some uh, dog tags and that’s about it..

K: Alright so wait, did they come after you to come audition for Supergirl? How does that happen?

C: That was the first time in my career where I got offered something without reading for it. Which was kind of amazing. And I played hard to get for a second because I wasn’t sure if it was the right coloured spandex. I was always more of a Batman guy than a Superman and then eventually it clicked and apparently, there was some part of me that knew I was going to meet my future wife and the mother of my children. *laughs* So I guess it all worked out.

K: I mean, yeah, and aside from just getting to play a hero and stuff, it gave you the rest of your life.

C: The rest of my life, which is a pretty lucky thing to get from a job, usually the job doesn’t serve you that. So that was pretty fantastic.

K: And there are very few people who can walk away from the CW going “and that built the rest of my life”, you know what I’m saying?

C: *laughs* Well it does match, the network that matches my initials should promise me something like that. I think it’s somewhere in the rulebook, I don’t know where.

K: I just put that together.

M: Like the Wendy's girl walks into Wendy's and is like “I will take all of your hamburgers, I’m Wendy."

(all laugh)

K: When you, when they gave you the suit finally, which is something you know, for the run of the show was something you would look forward to and then finally they do give you the suit, looked tight. Was it as uncomfortable as it looked?

C: Oh yeah, they’re terrible. It’s the worst thing you’ll ever wear in your life. You know, it’s like a giant onesie. A onesie is known for comfort and relaxation and too many zippers. This is as few of zippers and you can have including no accessibility to use the restroom, and you really can’t move in them, it kind of squeezes your everything, if there’s a thing that can be squeezed by the spandex. So things are going like, your elbow is going up to your shoulder and you’re not really sure why. You know that you’re not controlling it. Uh, it’s an odd experience, but um, I’ll tell you what, those lunch breaks were always very, it was like a great release to unzip the spandex and just lay on the couch.*laughs*

K: Tell them what it’s like to be up on the harness thing man, when you have to do flying and shit, on the green screens.

C: The flying is fun, that’s one of the really, that’s when you feel like you’re on the trampoline in your backyard as a kid fighting the invisible villains. It’s literally the same thing, except someone is doing the jumping for you with a rope. But that’s when you get to play and feel like a kid. Those are my favourite, the big action sequences. They’re a bear to shoot because they take days to shoot two minutes, as you know. But when you’re actually doing the thing, it’s a great time.

K: How long before you think, because I know it ain’t happening now, how many years from now do you think it’ll be before you and Melissa are like “let’s watch the episodes and see if we can spot the chemistry, and see if I can see myself falling in love and blah blah blah.” Do you think you’ll ever get there?

C: You know, I think it’s probably all over every second of every frame *laughs*. You could probably just uh, start at the beginning and then the first second on-screen probably in some way, shape or form go “oh there it is, there’s the first bits of it”.

K: I believe that, Mr. Broadway.

C: Mr Broadway!!

K: Can I tell him [Marc] a quick Broadway story? I actually went to a Broadway show, where I got to sit next to Mr Chris Wood.

M: Did you now?

C: Oh man, yeah you did.

K: It’s beautiful. So we go see Beautiful, is the show, the Carole King musical.

C: It was also beautiful.

K: It was beautiful, branded and in my heart. The lead of the show that night is of particular interest to both me and Mr Wood, him a lot more. Melissa Benoist, "rhymes with moist", I learned that from Chris Wood.

M: That sounds awfully romantic.

C: He texts me late one evening..

K I used to say Ben-o-ist all the time, I don’t know why.

C: And then I shot you a text I was like “You know it’s Benoist like moist, like a chocolate, decadent chocolate cake”.

M: That was the most Christopher Walken thing I’ve ever heard: “It’s Benoist like moist”.

K: “And delicious like a chocolate cake”. We’re watching Beautiful and we’re watching Melissa open, this is the debut, the first opening night of the show, and Chris is there um, a bunch of people that love Melissa were there. Fucking Lynda Carter was there, Wonder Woman was there to watch Supergirl, how awesome is that? The curtain opens and it opens with Melissa, she’s up top like bang, singing, right at the top of the show and I’m sitting right next to Chris Wood who is crying. Crying those joyful tears of seeing his lady love’s dream come true. She always wanted, is that her first Broadway performance?

C: It was, first and last. *laughs*

K: *jokingly* She’s not going to do it again?

C: No, no, no, no, no I’m just kidding, no it was her first. Life long dream.

K: She was like, she’s like Chris, she’s a theatre kid. A couple of musical kids and stuff, drama kids.

C: You can say nerds, it’s okay.

K: Drama nerds, the idea of Broadway, that was the goal, it wasn’t like “one day I’m gonna be Supergirl”, that was the surprise and the delight where she met the love of her life and stuff, but the dream was Broadway and her dream came true and as you know, if the curtains open and Melissa was crying, of course, people forgive it because they’re like “Oh look at her dreams coming true” the fact he was bawling, I was like "oh my God, she’s got the right guy." All of the joy he felt for her joy, as she was concentrating on doing the very thing that she dreamed about doing, performing, so she can’t just stop the show and be like “can you fucking believe this?” which is how she feels inside, he’s expressing for her just by emotional, he was crying, it was one of the most beautiful things in the world.

C: I’m not ashamed of it.

K: No!

M: Nor should you be.

K: It was so fucking wonderful so supportive but he is a- point of the story, he is such a Broadway kid.

C: You could say I’m a Jellicle kid.

K: Somebody could explain that.

M: I too was sitting next to Chris Wood when he was crying, but it was in New Orleans, in a waiting room to shoot a scene for Reebot, and he's like "Listen, I gotta fly back to Vancouver and my flight is like twenty minutes from now and we haven't shot yet, and it's 4 AM and I'm a little bit daffy in the brain.

K: *Laughs* It's true.

C: Yeah, we were drinking- we were on coffee number four, at like 5 AM, and I looked at my watch and I went "Oh!! My flight's at 6:30." *Laughs*

M: "Anytime you're ready, Kev!"

C: But we got it done.

K: The boys were so sweet, they came out uhm- Chris and Jesse Rath came out and they're in Jay and Silent Bob Reboot during Chronicon, if you haven't seen it on Amazon Prime.

C: With the most extensive and detailed backstory that any limited amount of screentime has ever had in the history of film. There's a story in those eyes, if you look closely.

K: Oh my God, he's working. But he's sitting next to Mr. Marc Bernardin.

M: Yes.

K: Throughout the night, and it was- we ran up against- what time do we finally shoot you guys?

C: I don't even remember.

M: It must've been like 5:15 or something like that.

K: And then rush them to the airport so they could get on (a) plane and get back to Vancouver, correct?

C: That's right, I had to get back to work.

K: Such a special-

C: But it was such a blast, though. And thank you again for letting us come out and play. That was such a trip.

K: It just means that uh, one day your kids are gonna watch that movie and be like "They're both in this terrible movie? Who are Jay and Silent Bob? Was this before you guys met on Supergirl? Why would you be in a movie like this?"

C: *Laughs*

K: Let's talk He-Man. What-- Had you done voice work prior to He-Man?

C: So, when I was broke, living in New York, in between babysitting for three boys on the Upper West Side to make cash so I could support my acting aspirations, I bought a little USB microphone and I joined this- I can't even remember the name of the site. It was some like, some freelance voiceover site, where you join and you can record audio samples and submit auditions and that was the only voice work I had done. I would- I was making like 100 bucks here and there, doing a voiceover for a animated-- "Hey kids, don't run in the cafeteria!" Like a school PSA, or I did some military PSA teaching soldiers etiquette in the barracks and-- so strange. But that was all I had done.

K: Tell'em about how- what acting in front of a microphone is like, 'cause it is acting-

C: Oh yeah.

K: -And in some ways, it's way more acting than one can do on a camera, on a camera one can be subtle, you can't be subtle behind a microphone. You gotta communicate emotion just with the voice, tell 'em about it.

C: You know it's so funny, I actually would describe voice acting as incredibly physical work, whereas camera acting it's all- you know, it's what you're feeling, it's..they say it's through your eyes, which actually means they're seeing through your eyes, through your soul, right? If you're feeling something you'll see it. But for voice acting, we don't see anything, it's all voice, so you really have to take the feeling and elevate it, and sometimes it helps to physically express it, so people sweat in the booth and they, you know, they grit their teeth and they stomp into the ground, and really, you have to really dig in, to grab the emotion and kinda amplify it, otherwise *monotone voice* you're just kinda talking like you do on film and nothing's really happening, and no one cares. Which is sort of what American acting is a lot of the time, we kinda just try not to seem like we're interesting and care about anything. *Laughs*

K: Is that the secret to acting? Did you just let it-- Is that all acting or just CW acting? What kinda acting are we talking about?

C: I'm actually doing a master class series on early '20s acting and basically, the first lesson is to speak as monotone and enunciate as little as possible.

K: Fucking worked out, you married Supergirl for heaven's sakes.

C: Listen-

K: Mumble away, kids! That's what your future looks like if you can mumble your way through a performance.

C: Mumble core.

M: So what you're saying is, voice acting then is very much like theater acting? Where like you've gotta play to the back row, right? Like you can't see that person's eye from a hundred feet away.

C: This guy!

K: Right? This fucking guy, he made-

C: You've found a way to bring it back to CATS! Wow!

K: Thank you, fucking excellent job, now there's a writer. Marc Bernardin is a writer.

M: *singing* Midnight and the kitties are sleeping..

K: Yes, your theater training really comes in handy in that shit, I never fucking put that together!

C: Yeah! Because you learn how to take a truthful feeling and amplify it, that's what the best stage acting is, right? An emotion that an actor is feeling that can reach the back of the house and, with voice acting is that same sort of thing, but your relationship is with the microphone uhm, and it needs to go through the microphone and then into the character and then the audience gets to it. So it's a whole-- There's a learning curve, I feel like it takes a second. Hopefully we got it right.

K: Now you're way younger than us, so I don't know if like- was He-Man in your wheelhouse growing up? Or that was before you?

C: He-Man, yeah, He-Man was on uh-- we didn't have cable when I was a kid, 'cause we didn't have the money for it. So I was watching, they were rerunning it on-- I'm trying to think what network it would've been. I can't even think of the names of what they were back then, but they were running- it was the rerun after the original series had aired. 'Cause I would watch that and I would watch X-Men, those are my cartoons.

M: Where'd you grew up, in New York?

C: In Ohio. Yeah, Dublin, Ohio, home of Wendy's, yeah.

K: That's true, that's where Wendy's begins, is in Ohio!

C: Yeah and there's a callback to Wendy! So..

M: This guy!

K: There's a writer, there's a writer! *points at both Marc and Chris*

M: High five!

K: What uh-- you know, we gotta be very careful of course, when we talk about MOTU, all of us are NDA'd up the A-H. You gotta play two different characters, what was that like?

C: That was one of the fun aspects of Prince Adam slash He-Man. It's finding these very different placements for the same person, right? So it has to feel like the same character but that, their emotional states are- Prince Adam is sort of in a different place: he's covering, he's deflecting, he's more fun and goofy..And then He-Man we have to drop the truth of his core mission, you know, to save the world, so..I mean, it starts with registers, right? That was the easy part. Prince Adam is supposed to be full of youth so he's a little higher and a little more excited, and then He-Man, *lower voice* go down and be more heroic, down in the basement and use his big fighty-fight voice.

K: It's pretty awesome, like you join a tradition of storytelling in which performers get to be two people, like you know, whoever plays Batman gets to do Bruce Wayne, and then they get to do the Dark Knight, whoever plays Superman gets to do Clark Kent and then they get to do the Man of Steel, so you get to do Prince Adam and then you also get to be his heroic alter ego, man.

C: Right.

K: It's a wonderful fraternity that you join.

C: Although I hear I'm in deep trouble, because the internet has found out that I'm not bulking up--

M: You're not doing the work?

C: --for my performance.

K: Somebody on Twitter was just like "Chris Wood, he's not big enough to play He-Man!" and they meant in size!

M: "Have you seen his thighs? His thighs are not nearly there!"

K: "He skips leg day all the time" but oh my God--

C: You're right! "He can't possibly play the character!"

K: Yeah I had to point out, I was like "I better get in touch with Netflix and see if they'll send Chris some steroids and a fucking peloton so he could do the the voice in an animated series."

M: Also, Chris is not from another planet. That's also an issue. Could you not have cast an indigenous actor to play somebody from Eternia?

K: Who was it tweeted, somebody tweeted something about Griffin Newman, they were like "Oh, tell Griffin we gotta cut his fucking legs off". Maybe it was there, texted that, tweeted that. What uh, now that you've voice acted and led an animated series: is it something that you see yourself doing again? I mean, of course, hopefully we all get to do this one again, but other stuff. You got like one of them Disney voices and you can sing like a motherfucker, man.

C: Oh man, I would love to do Disney too. Let's uh, put that in the bucket list. I honestly, I get a real kick out of it, it's..like you said you can really go to a larger-than-life place, and it all, it always has to come from, you know, something sincere, that sense of play has to be grounded in something. You just kind of yell and scream, I think people can hear that..so there's a challenge to it, but it's also super rewarding because you get to, you know, play characters that fly on cats that are oversized and wear armor and..

M: Jellicle cats?

K: None of that Jellicle shit in our show, Marc! Battle cats!

M: What kind of Jellicle are you? I'm a cringer cat!

K:*jokingly* Somebody point a sword at me, quick. Yeah man, it's a..

C: It's a long life with He-Man too, 'cause this, I mean the character is so fun and obviously..I had the action figures when I was a kid and those toys..I hope to introduce my son to Masters of the Universe via the action figures, 'cause I mean they're so weird! They really went there-- have you seen that special that they do on the toys on the Netflix show?

K: Oh yeah, the toy, the wonderful-

M: The Toys That Made Us.

K: -The Toys That Made Us.

C: Yeah, yeah The Toys That Made Us.

K: Their He-Man episode is unbelievably wonderful.

C: Oh, it's great! And it just shows you- you know they were thinking "what weird crap would a little boy like, put together on a toy?" And then they end up with these wild names, and these characters who do insane things and it's part of why it's so fun. And the fact that they found a way to build a story around those bizarre toys, that was also compelling.

K: Thank God they did--

C: 30 years later, it's amazing.

K: Thank God they did, we all have fuckin jobs, all three of us.

C: *laughs* You're right.

K: Wait so before we let you go, it occurs to me that Melissa just had her episode air of Supergirl, that she directed.

C: Directorial debut!

K: That's right! Did you- Did the Wood-Benoists or Benoist-Woods- did you guys like kick back and watch it together?

C: You know, we didn't because *laughs* we don't have cable. So, no!

K: Don't let CW hear that, or perhaps do and they'll pay for cable! Why don't you have cable? Where are you quarantining?

C: We're in California, so we're home, but we're usually not home.

K: Right! Oh my gosh, that's right!

C: As a fortunate actor you move to California to never be there. I was shooting in New York and she was shooting in Vancouver when this all started and we were lucky to get home quickly but uh, but yeah I mean, we don't spend that much time in our house, so we don't have cable!

K: Tell 'em why you were in New York. Was it the- that's been announced, right?

C: Yeah, yeah for Thirtysomething, Thirtysomethingelse which is an ABC show that hopefully, knock on me, hopefully ends up going when we get out of this situation with Covid. Yeah, it's a reboot of Thirtysomething, another 80s classic.

K: Oh my God, that's-- you'll have two, you'll have fuckin MOTU and Thirtysomething. I watched Thirtysomething in real time when I was a kid, I loved that show, my mom watched it so I watched it with her and stuff, so I know all about Hope and Michael. I saw that they were redoing the show and I saw that fucking Chris was involved and I was like "What?!", and I texted him "Are you fucking for real?" and shit, and you're playing Hope and Michael's- did they announce that? I don't know

C: Yeah, yeah, I'm their son, yeah.

K: So he's tied in-

M: He's a legacy character!

K: Legacy character and like-

C: Legacy! This is what's all about.

K: That's fucking dope, man. So I mean, look I can't wait to watch that, but I have seen and heard four animatics so far of MOTU and-

C: Oh man.

K:- your performance..

C: I cannot wait.

K: It's wonderful, you did a great, great job and made me proud as the guy who was like "You know who'd be good? This guy." Put you forward--

C: This guy and they're like "who's that?" and you're like "hang on, let me tell ya!"

K: Yes, "Here let me pull up IMDb". They knew who he was, they know you, man.

M: If you did like The Music Man it wouldn't have been an issue: “You know who’d be good? Wood would be good, if he could do that, I bet you Wood could.”

C: *Laughs* Well, you got He-Man, my friends. (inaudible) city.That was a, that was a deep cut.

M: Hell yes.

K:Look at you, look at how you came to life with a little theater ref, man. Jazz hands all around.

C: Oh yeah, you can feel the jazz hands from there in the Cantina.

M: Touching us all over

K: Go back and enjoy the rest of your Thursday night, thanks for hanging out with us, say hello to the good lady Benoist and whatnot.

C: Thank you gentlemen. It was wonderful seeing you both.

M: Good to see you, sir. Be well.

C: Alright guys, be well.

K: Give it up for He-Man himself, Chris Wood, everybody.

M: *cheers*

K: Mon-El..flies away. He’s so good, such a good guy. I forgot he was such a fucking theater kid, that’s right, and we were like talking theater and shit. And I forgot his connection to Garber. One more we wrote in.

M: We have another point of entry.

K: That’s true, that’s good. Man, I’m telling you, I ain’t fucking around, his script was one of the most impressive thing I’ve ever read,

M: Yeah, that’s awesome.

K: It did make me feel jealous where I’m like “he’s that pretty and he can write like this? Like, all I had was writing, fuck!”

M: That’s a problem.

K: God, what a good guy.

[thotsforvillainrights]

Hope you have been well during this weird time haha! I remember you mentioning Atsuhiro being into sexy roleplay with his s/o and I would love a scenario with that please and thank you 👀 Flustered sweet man going into Drama Mode in the name of Love

~Theatrical~

-Sako Atsuhiro smut-

Theatrical- of, for, or relating to acting, actors, or the theater

Okay so maybe he wasn’t as ready as he thought he was, but damn...after you came out of the bathroom naked he wasn’t just gonna stop now. He’s been wanting this for a while lately but was tied up with work and you were oh so neglected left to tend to yourself too many times without him. “Hey, you’re drifting off again. Pay attention to me baby.”  You confidently teased him as you went to straddled him on the edge of the bed. “My sincerest apologies y/n, I was just wrestling with my thoughts for a moment. No need to worry now, dearest! I guarantee you have my full atten-” You shut him up with a deep and passionate kiss that shifted into something sloppier near seconds later. When you pulled away to breath he was lightly panting, blush creeping up from his neck to his cheeks as he looked away from you. “Awwww, Sako...As many as times as we’ve done this, you’re still so flustered over me.” You giggled and playfully ruffled his hair. “Oh am I? My apologies!” You rolled your eyes and began leaving light kisses at the crook of his neck while he contemplated what the next move was. You eventually sighed and pulled away from him, moving to sit next to him on the bed. “Sako, cmon you promised you’d pay attention. What’s bothering you so much lately?” You asked as you gently laid a hand on his shoulder. He sighed and looked at you sheepishly. “I’m...still so very shy with you sometimes. I know we spoke a few times about me taking the lead for once, but I’m honestly afraid to mess that up dearest.” He admitted honestly. You met him with a soft, apologetic smile. 

“Aww...you know you can’t mess it up with me. I love the way you give it to me any way you do, so don’t be so shy. Hey! I was reading something earlier today about spicing up the bedroom. Why don’t we give roleplay a try!?” You eagerly asked him. “Role play?” He tilted his head curiously. You nodded and smiled widely as if you were a young child. “Yeah! It’s a really fun and sexy thing that I honestly think you’d excel at! It’s basically what the name says, like a type of make believe. Here, I’ve had one in mind for a while.” You quickly got off the bed and headed to the closet to dig out a hidden box. “I bought this a while back but never used it in bed because I forgot about it.” You placed the box in his lap and watched eagerly as he opened it. Compress sifted through the box and pulled out the contents one by one:

Handcuffs

A Blindfold

A Plastic gun

A Burlap sack with a money symbol on it

“What is all of this?” He asked you while you began picking some of the items up. “It’s the props! I know this is kinda cliche, but let’s play a game of cops and villains.” You winked at him as you twirl the handcuffs around your finger. “Ahhh! I see...very well.” Atsuhiro smiled and picked up the burlap sack. “Oh no no no! That’s mine. This is for you.” You grabbed the sack and handed him the handcuffs, gun, and badge instead. “I’m the villain, and you’re the cop.” You winked at him as he laughed. “Oh is that so? Wouldn’t I be better suited for the villainous role my darling?” He stood up and went to stand on the other end of the room. “No way baby! Besides, you’re a villain all the time. It’ll defeat the purpose of this little session.” You explained to him. He nodded and lifted the plastic gun up as if he were going to shoot it at you. “Very well then...villain~” You felt a certain warmth travel down your spine at the way his tone darkened up. If there was one thing he was good at, it was being theatrical. “Hands in the air villain. I don’t believe you’ll be robbing anymore banks any time soon.” He threatened. You stifled a giggle and stayed in character. “Shit! How’d you cops get here so fast. Damn it!” You dropped the fake money bag on the ground and held your hands up defensively. “Good, now face the wall. Don’t try anything funny or else.” He waved the gun toward the wall and you complied. Within moments you were pressed against the wall with him groping you from behind. It was a rush! Something was magical about the way he acted once he was finally comfortable and more confident in bed...and it was making you quiver with excitement. “Oh my, you couldn’t be enjoying this frisking could you? Such a filthy villain! Absolute scum of society. Why don’t you go lay down over there while I check you for weapons.” He demanded in a rough voice. You immediately did as told. Atsuhiro moved to place the blindfold over your face and shifted you so you were sitting up your knees. He clicked the handcuffs on your wrist, not too tight but tight enough to make sure you wouldn’t slip free easily. 

“My my, what have we here? An absolutely sinful display of yearning from a villain like yourself?” He teased you while you let out a few light whines at the way his hand worked magic at your most private area. “Careful with your movements dear, or you’ll bruise those pretty little (s/c) wrists of yours and then I’ll need to explain excessive force to the chief.” Wow he was in character! “Now then...wait right there.” You felt the weight leave the bed and waited in total darkness as the sound of clothes being removed echoed behind you. You were beginning to get giddy and more anxious by the moment. “Ready, villain?” He whispered huskily in your ear. You shivered and nodded quickly. He darkly chuckled and you felt the cold plastic of the gun run down from the base of your neck to your ass, rubbing in places where it shouldn’t. As quickly as it lifted away, you felt his cock replace it. You gasped and turned you head back, still blinded by the blindfold. “When did you???”

He chuckled and positioned himself at your entrance. “When did I slip the condom on? A magician never reveals their secrets.” He winked as if you could see it. “But right now you’re not a magician. You’re a co-ergh?!” He silenced you by quickly slipping inside. “So warm aren’t you? I bet you couldn’t hold on any longer. No need to fear. I’m here now dearest...” He leaned forward, holding your bound wrists in one hand and gripping your hip in the other. 

“I’m going to fuck you oh so perfectly~” He whispered. You gasped at his new found boldness and he began to thrust. That boldness showed in his motions as well. Normally you took control, riding him constantly or giving him oral until he was a flustered an stuttering mess. Now he was the one making you stutter instead. His ministrations didn't seem to let up the closer you two got to orgasming together. “Ughhhh y/n...why must you drive me so mad?” He groaned in your ear, gripping tighter in tighter. You couldn’t reply if you wanted to because you were a moaning mess. “Oh...I can’t!” He gasped as he slowed down, rolled his hips, snapping them roughly into the plushness of your ass. “I’m going to...I can’t...I...I’M...!!!” He gasped and came oh so sweetly into you, creating a brilliant wall of white within the condom. At that same moment, you finished as well. “Brilliant performance my dear. We simply have to do this again...but maybe let me be the villain next time.” He joked while you tried to catch your breath.

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

TIp Jar: https://cash.app/$YuTakeyama

[romijuli]

Chel please tell us about your special interest

Uh-oh!! You’ve unlocked...DOUBLE INFODUMP

Okay but actually I suspect you know about Dragon Quest XI if youve been here long enough (especially if you’re Vinny, which I suspect you are). If not: it’s a really fantastic story that takes the Chosen One trope and does some REALLY neat things with it, and the characters are utterly fantastic. It’s the first thing I’ve experienced where I wasn’t even close to done and was just overcome with I NEED TO WRITE ABOUT THESE CHARACTERS. It’s also just. Difficult to discuss without delving into spoilers. (It’s out on like every major console now!!!)

Which, uh. I guess a3! is also difficult to describe without spoilers, but most of the, Well, That, stems specifically from backstory?

Hang tight gang I have been rehearsing this daily. Also I’m gonna get...real personal here.

A3! is TREMENDOUSLY difficult to describe for me, because it’s like....it’s not an otome game, cause that implies you can romance the characters and you can’t do that in A3!, but it’s kinda...adjacent? Like the vast majority (if not all) of the major characters are clearly into the MC, you just can’t, do anything about it. Which is fine tbh. The romance really isn’t the focus.

Nah, nah, you’re into A3! for the glorious found family trope, the alarmingly nuanced characters that are designed to fit stereotypes and yet are so much more than that, the - god what a time for the cat song to come on - oh my god i never actually said what it is.

So, short version: Act! Addict! Actors! is about a failed actor who winds up attempting to rescue her father’s failing theater, rebuilding its actor base almost from the ground up with a smattering of varied and interesting actors, there for love of the craft or just needing somewhere to go.

Except literally every fucking one of them is, in some way, shape, or form, a bit, shall we say, messed up by whatever life has thrown at them. The reasons are varied - family issues, personal issues, the list goes on - but every single actor who joins Mankai Company is struggling with something, missing something that they inevitably find in acting or with each other. None of them is wholly restricted to the trappings of whatever role they may seem to fill, and it’s wonderful.

And also, as an attempted actor myself..it’s very familiar. The MC (henceforth known as Izumi) is outright stated to be an extremely bad actor, terribly hammy, and while I wouldn’t necessarily go that far in describing myself, I didn’t really get many big roles in high school, and I wasn’t cast in anything in college, aside from an understudy gig for my capstone class that I, uh, wasn’t actually intended to go on for at any point (There was one day that one of the four girls I was understudying couldn’t come in, and i was told “oh, we’ll leave that spot empty, we couldn’t alter the costume in time” despite the costume being...basically just a leotard and tights, which i knew for a fact had never been ordered for me, because I divvied them out to the girls I was understudying), and a non-speaking part on stage for the same thing. So I can really relate to the feeling of wanting to be part of it so badly but being turned down at every turn. (IZumican laugh about it now, but I can’t yet.)

But...it’s nostalgic. It taps into so many wonderful aspects of theater, and not just the ones everyone thinks of! The costumes, the sets, the marketing (no one thinks of marketing!!!), the budgeting...there’s a throwaway line where Izumi asks the folks in charge of lighting to soften it a bit to make the scene work better, and it made me SO happy to see that being taken into consideration! And the anime, at least in that regard, does such a good job with it, to the point that ninety percent of the time if they’re showing the actual shows that the actors are performing I am losing my shit over the tech work in it. (THE LIGHTING IN R+J!!!!)

(The anime adaptation is a bit...I guess contentious? in the fandom, because it takes each little arc and condenses it into six episodes, which is pretty hard to do. And I kinda suspect it’s not the most well-budgeted? But honestly I really do enjoy it and it made me appreciate a lot of things about the characters and story a lot more than I already had!)

So I guess with a3!, it’s very...come for the cute boys and/or the theater, stay to see some really lovely interactions and CHARACTER GROWTH!!! And so from the minute the energetic sweetheart of a series posterboy gave us his surprisingly-sad backstory, I fell hard and, well, here I stay.

Also TBH “write till you pass out, or finish writing, hand it over and THEN pass out” is a fucking MOOD and I never stop laughing at it, sorry tsuzuru!!!!

[the-story-of-the-tucks]

Just breathe

(Alice and Alfred get to audition for a theater college! But what happens when Alfred starts to have a panic attack mid audition?

TW: descriptive panic attack

(I projected myself onto Alfred for the first time, it was fun. Shoutout to the West of words discord for screaming about theater kids! alice/alfred so much. I love every single one of y'all <3) 

Also posted on AO3 by @the_story_of_the_tucks

--

Alfred was sitting backstage while his best friend, Alice nailed her audition song.

Since they were little they always knew they would be actors someday. That dream grew into a reality when they started middle school and got into the theater program.

He remembers it like it was yesterday-

They were putting up a production of grease junior and the pair was so excited to be part of it. Sure they didn't get big roles since it was their first year but they fell in love with theater more than ever.

They started to get bigger roles until they ended up performing in the show Wonderland their senior year. Alice -of course- playing Alice and Alfred playing the white rabbit. Just like they have done so many times when they read the book.

He was so freaking proud of her for landing the leading role. Alice had an amazing voice and absolutely deserved everything.

Even now, she was on stage singing Whispering from Spring awakening to the judges who will determine if they get into this college or not.

That's why Alfred felt like he should run while he can. He did not consider himself as someone with stage fright since he could always perform in front of a crowd when he did his high school musicals.

But this was not a high school musical.

This was an audition that will determine his future. Will he get into the college of his dreams with her best friend? or will he fail at the audition and go to a normal college, leaving Alice behind and shattering his dreams?

He started to feel anxious a week before the auditions, everything became too real for Alfred.

This was not a silly high school audition were it didn’t even matter if he got ensemble or the fucking scarecrow from Wizard of Oz.

This was real life and had real life stakes. The teacher was not gonna take pity on him and cast him anyways! If he was not perfect in the audition he could kiss goodbye to his dreams.

So he started practicing a lot.

He read his song over and over again, sometimes staying past midnight and skipped meals just so he could study the lyrics.

He chose Tonight at eight from the musical She loves me. He knew it was a mouthful of a song but it also showcased his vocal range and acting skills.

“It's fitting since you always seem to be nervous about everything” Alice joked when Alfred told her which song he was auditioning with. At the moment they laughed about it but right now Alfred felt like throwing up from the nerves.

He just needed to calm down and concentrate on something else, how hard could it be?

Alice was still singing-

Her sweet but powerful voice filled the whole building and made Alfred´s heart melt. He could hear how much emotion she was putting on the song. She was not Alice at the moment; she was Wendla Bergmann, and she was fucking great at it.

-Listening... For the hope, for the new life— Something beautiful, a new chance. Hear, it's whispering, There, again…-

She held the last note at the end and then there was just silence. He heard her say her thank yous and then she ran backstage to Alfred´s arms.

“You did amazing!” Alfred smiled widely while hugging and spinning her a bit.

Alice laughed melodically “Thanks! I think the judges liked it too!” She was grinning like crazy, still having the rush from performing onstage.

They both stayed there, giggling for a few seconds as if nothing else in the world mattered but them. Then they hear Alfred's name called out on the speaker.

“Hallam, Alfred?”

He froze. He was not prepared for this! What was he even thinking? He was just going to turn around and get home just to not get humiliated in front of the judges.

Alice saw the look of panic in his face and held his hand. “Hey, hey-, you're gonna do great” she placed her hand in his shoulder to confort him “just don't get nervous, ok? you already practiced and you know everything by heart” she winked.

“Right” Alfred, nodded trying to convince himself “I’m fine- I’m not nervous at all-”

“Alfie, your hands are shaking”

“shit” Alfred held both of his hands at his chest and took a deep breath trying to calm down.

“You can do this” Alice smiled and squeezed his shoulder.

He can do this.

--

Alfred stood in front of the jury paralyzed by fear for what felt like forever but it was probably a few seconds.

“I- uh Hello” He cringed at how his voice sounded. “My name is Alfred Hallam and I will be performing Tonight at eight by the musical She loves me”

His hands were still shaking and he tried to crack his knuckles to cover it.

He squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds and exhaled

He can do this

-I'm nervous and upset Because this girl I've never met-

He started singing, ok so far so good.

-I get to meet Tonight at eight-

He almost smiled, he was actually doing great!

-I'm taking her to dinner At a charming old cafe, But who can eat Tonight at eight?-

Alfred made the mistake of glancing at the judges' table and saw them writing something down in their notepads. shit.

Were they writing something good about him? something bad?

-It's early in the morning, And our date is not till eight o'clock tonight, And yet already I can see What a nightmare this whole day will be-

Maybe he had to get into the character a bit more? that's it! but he couldn't concentrate at all, his heart was beating too loudly and he felt the jury’s eyes burning holes at him.

-I haven't slept a wink, I only think Of our approaching tete-a-tete, Tonight at eight.-

'C’mon Alfred' he thought. 'Just fucking concentrate on the song and don’t think about the jury watching you, or your too loud beating heart, or the fact that your hands started shaking again, or-'

-I feel a combination Of depression and elation; What a state! To wait Till eight!-

Why did he feel like he was getting out of breath? did the jury notice? were they writing on their notepads again?

-Three more minutes, two more seconds, ten more hours to go!-

He felt the room getting smaller and hotter.

-In spite of what I've written, She may not be very- very-

He paused.

God, what was the word? his mind was too foggy to think and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

“Mr Hallam?” One of the people in the jury asked “Are you alright?”

Was he? Alfred couldn't breathe at all. His hands were shaking and his heart felt like it was threatening to fall out of his chest.

“Mr Hallam, do you need a minute?”

“I uh-” He swallowed thickly, forcing himself to talk “I’m sorry-”

And with that he ran backstage.

--

Alfred managed to reach the stairs outside the theater and sit down.

His hand were still shaking and they were starting to feel numb. He tried to wipe the sweat that was dripping down from his forehead but he couldn't control his hands enough to do it.

And worst of all? He felt like there was and elephant sitting on his chest.

Alfred couldn’t help but repeat the moment in his head.

He choked in front of the jury who would decide if he went to the school of his dreams or not- He forgot a song he had known all his life and had been practicing non stop for at least a month-

All those sleepless nights were for absolutely nothing- The judges probably thought that if he got freaked out by a simple audition he will most likely get worse in an actual play or with any performance.

What was he even thinking? he’s never gonna have a future as an actor! he’d probably was gonna end up being thirty and working in an office while Alice wins her third tony award and he won’t even be able to attend to the ceremony because he’d have to do the office reports or else he’ll get fired and-

“Alfie?”

He heard a familiar voice and looked up only to face the one and only Alice spencer.

He wanted to talk, he wanted to tell her he was okay and that she didn’t need to worry or make a fuss about him but only choked sobs came out of his mouth every time he tried to explain.

“Hey hey it’s ok-” Alice tried to soothe him, she gently took Alfred’s shaky hand and squeezed it.

“Try to match my breathing, ok?” she started to inhale and exhale slowly and Alfred tried to follow suit.

They have done this many times when they were kinds, whether it be because he was having an asthma attack and couldn’t find his inhaler, a panic attack or he was just freaking out. He could guarantee that Alice was gonna be always by his side helping him breathe.

But it was not gonna be like that after college started, right?

But it was not gonna be like that after college started, right?

“I fucked it up” He whispered between shaky breaths “I- I got too nervous and I choked mid audition”

“I know” Alice just squeezed his hand tighter, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“My future is ruined-”

“Hey, no its not” she said simply “We can go back and talk to the jury and explain you were having a panic attack”

“I-I can’t go back there! I don’t even know if they’ll even hear me and-”

“Alife” Alice looked directly at his green eyes “You’re probably not the first person who had a panic attack mid audition, they’ll understand”

“And if they don’t?”

“They will” she assured him.

Alfred was too tired to protest so he just limited himself to nod.

“After the other auditions finish we’ll go back and ask for another audition date, alright?”

Alice started ramble about her plan, it was kinda endearing.

“I don’t think i’m ready to go back just yet” Alfred said miserably

“I’ll go with you” Alice assured him “i’m not letting you face those judges alone, they’re scary”

Alfred laughed a bit “yeah, they are”

Alfred realized that no matter were they went Alice will always have his back and vice versa. It was relieving to know you have someone who will catch you if you fall and you’d have to catch them too sometimes.

They ended up talking to the judges together and agreed on scheduling another audition the next week, which gave Alfred a bit more time to go over the lyrics and prepare himself.

They both got their acceptance letters at the same time.

[inquisitorhotpants]

okay let’s just get this out of the way.

i didn’t like it.

If you liked it, I am honestly jealous of you! I wish I did. But I am really uninterested in any attempts to convince me to like it.

TROS review, with spoilers, below the cut

So I walked out of the theater very “meh” on it. Almost everyone else in my friend circle seemed like they loved it, so I ruminated on it for a couple days and came to a conclusion.

I’m not meh. 

I really, really don’t like that movie. I will likely never turn it on of my own volition.

These are not in any particular order, just as they come to me.

The pacing is absolute shit. 

JJ’s “Lost” buddies got more lines and screentime than Rose, an established character they promised was getting a bigger more impressive role in TROS. 

Everything important Rose did got cut. That lightspeed hopping Poe was doing? Rose worked it out. But I guess we didn’t need to know that.

There are more effective ways to communicate in a movie than having Poe stand around reciting exposition about things he shouldn’t know about, but clearly JJ Abrams is uninterested in any of them

So many unearned emotional moments that mean nothing to the characters but JJ slaps in there to mash the dopamine button because HEY REMEMBER THIS YOU GUISE

So just to be clear, Leia can fucking FLY THROUGH THE VACUUM OF SPACE but just mentally communicating with her shitty kid kills her, sure jan

Rey would have just fucking killed Palpatine if he’d just shut the fuck up but no

Someone banged Sheev Palpatine.

Who also managed to somehow survive the second death star FUCKING EXPLODING.

You had the chance to show a fucking sith cult and went with “have Poe recite exposition about a sith cult”

The universe shows up for Lando, but not Leia??? 

Do not get me wrong, i adore Lando! But I really feel like even Lando and Chewie would have been like, “what the fuck??” about this?

JJ Abrams is a fucking shit writer

Pretending everything in TLJ doesn’t exist - except for some halfassed R*ylo, apparently - is shitty

Rey felt grossly OOC this whole fucking movie.

SHE ABANDONED FINN ON THE GODDAMN DEATH STAR

In theory, the Palpatine thing could have been good in the right hands; JJ Abrams was not the right hands.

All it took for Kyle Ron to stop being a space fascist was thinking about his dad telling him to be nice? THAT’S IT? Well hell, why are we punching Richard Spencer when we can just ask his dad to tell him to be a good boy??

Why the hell did we bury the lightsabers on Tatooine? All Luke ever wanted was to get away from there. It meant nothing to Leia. It meant nothing to Rey. It was literally only there so that viewers could go OMG I LOVE ANH and get teary eyed

So after that frankly excellent acting where Rey tells Kyle Ron to leave her the fuck alone, we get heart eyes and “Ben!” and a fucking kiss? 

When she doesn’t even know who the fuck Ben Solo even is??

Neither do we because he has no fucking lines??

Finn is the glue that holds this fucking trio together and he’s reduced in half the movie to running after Rey. Gross.

We seriously took the member of the trio with the most established backstory and most filled in timeline in canon, played by a Latino actor ... and made him a former drug dealer. really? not a single person went “hmm maybe this looks bad”?

Fic writers will do hours of research so they don’t get something wrong in a PWP smutfic, and you can’t research Poe’s backstory for four seconds?

please enjoy your three minutes in each set piece, keep all hands and arms inside the screaming traincar at all times, and ... nowwww we’re going to slowwwww dowwwwwwwn so Rey and Kyle can Force Skype for no apparent reason

there are no actual stakes

“Chewie died!” just kidding

“threepio is gone!” just kidding

“we don’t have a fleet!” just kidding

“kylo ren, head fascist, is dead!” just kidding

“Final Order” is dumb as fuck

so much finnrey baiting

this covers the part about unearned emotional moments much better than i ever could 

Good thing Vader eliminated that galactic menace, amirite? oh wait

“closes the entire saga” hey jj you know there are NINE movies in the saga, right? cause there sure wasn’t fuckall about the prequels in there.

this “trilogy” doesn’t feel like one. at all. 

it’s so checkboxy. “they want r*ylo, check! no r*ylo, check! use that leia footage - shit we’re out, give her the weakest death imaginable. twin suns! palpatine! let hayden say a couple words so the prequels fans shut the fuck up! ‘everyone’ complained about rose, cut her out! cameos out the ass!”

The Knights of Ren were boring af.

rey gets no character growth

Are we just gonna make all the black folks in the movies related? Lando & Jannah already are, so do we get a short in a couple months where we find out Finn is his son and they’re all related to Mace Windu? 

It just felt very “i didn’t like your movie so i’m going to make 2 and 3 in one smashed together mediocre movie”.

I just cannot get past shit writing and shit pacing and a hack job at “homage”

Now i’m stuck looking at a hundred hot takes on twitter about how “this is ben solo’s trilogy! he’s the real hero! he’s the poor abused boy and no one else has ever had it worse in the entire star wars sagaaaaaaaaaaaa and how dare rey get everything while he was abused and neglected and had NOTHING” thanks jj

Y’all I love this cast and they deserved so much better than what they got from this trilogy.

I suppose there were a couple of things I liked.

the music was phenomenal, as always. Palpatine’s theme done in the style of Rey’s theme was great. 

space horses!

FINN FINN FINN FINN FINN

FORCE SENSITIVE FINN

the bickering scene. I got my hopes up after that. They were quickly disappointed as Rey quickly went off into OOC-land

Dark Rey and that little snarl at the end

I thought the new force powers were cool af. It’s about time we do something with the Force beyond jumpy jumps, zoomies, and the jedi mind trick

I’ve only known D-0 for 4 days but if anything happened to him ... you know the rest.

i actually enjoy the theme of “you are not your bloodline” but it was done so much better by Claudia Gray.

Anytime the trio was together was good.

As much as I am super “eh” on Kyle Ron as a character, I appreciate Adam Driver as an actor, and the scene where Rey passes him the lightsaber and he does that little shrug with the smirk, that was good. I liked that quite a bit. 

The problem is that cool setpieces do not a good movie make.

I started The Witcher the day after I went to the movie, purely to stop thinking about this shitshow of a movie, and that show is great. xD

[alchemist-shizun]

To tend thee is my care

ACT II

ACT I - Read on Ao3!

Word count: 14,297

Summary: Here

Characters: Virgil, (Non-binary!)Roman, some OCs for plot reasons

Pairing(s): Prinxiety

Warning(s): Angst, negative thinking, swearing, crying, repressed emotions, fighting, insecurity, mentioned toxic parenting (once), overthinking, mention of paranoia (twice), yelling, kissing (Please let me know if I missed anything)

A/n: Will I ever stop projecting on characters? The amount of references to Hadestown in this is embarrassing. There are just so many references in general. (I’ll also explain the classical ones if you would like to check the works out, I promise they’re very good!) The fact that I started writing this back in June and having it complete now and so appreciated warms my heart so much and I’ll never stop thanking you guys. If you still have any questions about the story I’ll be more than happy to answer any doubt you have! I’m very proud of how it turned out and I can’t wait to know what you think about it. I also hope I did justice to the non-binary portrayal, I’m a bit insecure despite being nb myself yeah, makes sense. I hope you liked this little journey, thank you so much for the positive feedback and, all of that being said, enjoy! (The first scene is directly linked to the last scene of Act I, the scenes take place during the same day)

✾✾✾✾

Roman had found his way through the day by preventing his mind from ending up in the same old crush zone place and just keeping on waiting for the moment his club started.

Waiting patiently was something that came natural, he always thought that life was a never-ending cycle of waiting for things to happen, for days to arrive: it was a mechanism he could keep track of and that, eventually, helped him to get through his toughest days.

It started with the simplest tasks, like waiting for that one dinner where you were sure you were going to eat your favorite dish, or waiting for night to come to be able to hang out with his friends.

He thought about how pleased and happy he’d feel once the bad moment was all over, he knew he could get through every villain he encountered because he never failed to reward himself with the simple knowledge of making it through. That alone was enough a trophy to assure himself that, as he had done in the past, the next dragon-witch wouldn’t be unbeatable and that, in any way he could possibly think of, success was always on its way. Patience yields focus, as they say.

And so he waited.

For his classes to end, for him to be able to check his phone, for his countdown until he saw that pretty face again, for when he’d be able to hear the letters roll so easily on his tongue when he pronounced his favorite nickname, because he made it his favorite, or his voice did. He couldn’t decide. That was another thing to wait for. For the moment he’d finally muster the courage to smother his face with kisses. And holy fuck he was back in the crush zone.

He slowed down in his tracks, sure that none was around, and leaned on the wall to his right, letting out a deep sigh in the process, as if he was trying to blow out all of his thoughts. Only that it had the opposite effect.

Every inch of his body could feel that he was thinking about him and wouldn’t let him live it down. His insides just exploded into and endless hot summer day in which you would only feel relief in air conditioning.

Before he knew it he was smiling like an idiot and daydreaming possibilities and illusions that would only make him end up in a dangerous place if he kept them up. He could have hated him, he was a good actor he could have pretended. But that would have done more harm than good to him, wouldn’t it?

Whether tis nobler in the mind to be hated and therefore unable to hurt yourself with delusions, or to damage yourself with your desires, never certain of what may ensue?

« Hey, Ro! »

Roman broke free of his train of thought and found one of the actors right next to him.

« Hi Dave. » he offered a smile, still light-headed from thinking too much after intense hours of Spanish lessons.

« Come on, » he tugged at his fellow actor, he was going to be Cadmus. « today’s the big day, we’re trying a couple of scenes with all the costumes and make-up! » Roman was able to sense the excitement in his eyes even behind those sunglasses that Dave had already on.

They were going to the local theater, where the play was going to be shown for the first time, so they had to leave school to reach it.

Little did Roman know, though, as he had finally made his entrance in the theater, that it would be an uneventful rehearsal for him that day: since Virgil was missing and they needed to focus more on other actors, he could have taken that meeting to rehearse alone or stay in the backstage and let the other group practice on him with the makeup or clothing they needed to get right.

He chose the latter, since he knew being alone with his thoughts would have led him to definitely think about something other than practicing his own lines.

He had been sitting for quite some time in one of the backstage chairs, a very focused girl  in front of him, when she seemed to snap back to reality. She took a step back, tilting the brush in her right hand.

« Oh my god, your face is perfect. »

Roman blinked a few times. « You’re too kind, friend. »

« No, I mean it! Your features are so good to work on and I haven’t even done much. » she beamed, then gave a thoughtful hum as an idea crossed her mind: her eyes started darting from her small bag to the boy’s face.

She suddenly bent her head, avoiding eye contact. « You wouldn’t mind if I … tried for a stronger look? » her voice, barely above a whisper, suggested insecurity.

Before he had even realized he was moving, he felt himself nod.

Excitement settled in his chest for some reason he couldn’t comprehend; true, most of the time he felt the same way when he was acting with Virgil, (or anywhere around him lately) or when trying something new, like the anticipation he felt when the costumes for the play were finally done.

But there was something different this time, like he had been waiting for that exact moment for ages but just now he had realized it.

« Oh thank god. » the girl sighed in relief, looking back up at him with a small smile crossing her lips. « Generally the boys I ask tend to … turn me down pretty dramatically. »

Something dawned onto  Roman, while she added a quick “thank you” and began working.

Was he supposed to be mad? After all, it was just another type of art and he was all for it, there was no way he would have rejected it. He had even tried to teach himself to use those products before, when he was younger, but one day they had disappeared out of the blue which discouraged him enough to never try again.

He never really mustered up the courage to confront his parents about it, even when he was sure it was their fault.

He tried to let himself relax under the soft touch of the bristles, eyes closed.

Why was he overthinking this when he had been completely comfortable with agreeing on it in the first place? Why did it have to be a problem? Did he care for his group’s judgment? But they got make-up on every year for the productions.

Why was there so much confusion in his mind, yet he didn’t feel any negative emotion towards that moment? Maybe the confusion was due to all the positive things a simple task like that sprouted into him. Maybe he couldn’t just enjoy helping a friend practice.

Or, he was supposed to feel neutral about it.

Or …

« All done! » the girl stepped back and, when Roman opened his eyes again, he was met with a bright smile and a satisfied expression which distracted him from his previous thoughts.

She was quick to hand him her phone, promptly set on the front camera, and waited behind his seat for a possible reaction.

Saying he was lost for words was definitely an understatement.

The first thing he noticed was the red on his lips, a kind of hue he found to look perfect on his skin tone. Then, the flawlessly winged eye-liner, under different shades of red and gold blended on his eye-lids with what could have looked like a professional touch. His hand ghosted on his cheek, where some golden glitter was sparkling on highlighter.

« Oh, I used the imperial red for your lipstick, the name inspired me since it fits your next role as king, but turns out it actually does fit you nicely! »

« Stunning. »

« Sorry, what? »

Roman didn’t realize he had been mumbling in disbelief at his own reflection, despite loving his own image, it had been a long while since he had last liked his looks so much.

« You did such an amazing job! » what once was a timid smile started growing into a more confident one on the girl’s lips as Roman trailed off in his own list of compliments.

« Roman can you- Oh! » Dave had stepped in the room in that exact moment. For a split second, in which only a surprised expression dominated the guy’s face, Roman felt genuine fright.

Then, Dave smirked and leaned on a table. « Oops, didn’t see you there, pretty one. Can I tempt you to dinner tonight? »

« You’re a flattering one, but I’ll have to turn your offer down. »

« Aw- »

« Roman, how dare you! » a feminine voice startled the three of them, revealing a smiling Bonnie. « You’re messing with my bisexuality on purpose, admit it. »

He was literally beaming at all the compliments and positive feedback he was receiving, he had never felt more appreciated in his life, though he couldn’t exactly pin point why.

The two actors brought him to another small room where he had to change into the play costumes, they ran into Lukas in the process who gave Roman a small smile. That was definitely something, as they interacted very rarely.

Bonnie and Dave showed him his two sets of clothes, Pentheus’ and the Maenad’s ones, and left him to try them on. Their first night was approaching, so they had to make sure everything fit perfectly.

Roman went through his lines in his mind while he changed, stopping only to admire the combination between the king’s outfit and the stupendous make-up.

« I should do this more often. » he observed, his eyes lingered on his reflection on a mirror.

What are you talking about, what would you parents say?

He grimaced at the thought, he had almost forgotten about public opinion.

Do you think all your friends would actually approve? Fat chance.

He turned around and inhaled deeply. Who cares, he was simply trying his play’s costumes. What was the pressure in doing that?

Why was he procrastinating on that? It wasn’t that big of a deal. Right?

« Right. »

Roman stared at the dress he had to put on, then his hand went through the fabric; he lifted it and placed it on a chair. Yeah, no, he could do that. It was just acting after all-

Oh, that was it! Acting! He could go through his lines again, thus distract himself.

“What is this costume I must wear?”

Roman had finally gotten out of Pentheus’ clothes.

“On your head I shall set a wig with long curls.”

He put a hand in his hair instinctively. Yeah, he had ended up learning some of Dionysus’ lines too, after all he had to know what to say and when exactly to say it.

“And then?”

He didn’t realize he had actually mouthed that.

“Next, robes to your feet and a net for your hair.”

The vest fell neatly on his legs.

“Yes? Go on.”

He reached for the headband and covered part of his hair with it.

“Then a thyrsus for your hand and a skin of dappled fawn.”

The props where still being perfected, so all he did was take the item with the fake fawn skin; the material felt like little plastic bristles had been attached to some kind of cotton. He placed it around his shoulders, as he should have been a couple of scenes after the one he was recalling.

“I could not bear it.”

« I cannot bring myself to dress in women’s clothes. » he concluded the line, transfixed on his full Maenad dress-up.

It felt so wrong, so absolutely and thoroughly amiss to say that.

Was it because he had said it in the wrong tone? Did he have to try again? Did he want to try again? Maybe if he did he’d say it more naturally, he’d be satisfied enough to shove down his paranoia and he could call it a day.

“I cannot bring myself to dress in women’s clothes.”

His chest felt tight. Yes, okay, that was an ancient play, of course there were going to be things he didn’t agree with. Still … he could think of so many men that would agree with the king.

Was he even a man? What was he thinking, of course he was.

Yet …

He thought of himself as a simple actor trying his best to succeed in his everyday life. He hadn’t really cared about the question until now, or maybe he hadn’t ever deeply posed himself the actual question.

He dared to look at the mirror again.

“I cannot bring myself to dress in women’s clothes.”

He never really cared about what he wore during Carnival or Halloween, though he loved being a prince (as well as zombie royalty!), or what was his role when he played make believe as a kid with his wonderful cousins.

He didn’t feel weird with make up on, he didn’t feel different with what would have been labeled as feminine clothes on.

There was a word for it, he was sure, but he hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself.

He put his hands on his hair and let out a sigh. The line kept on repeating in his mind like a broken record.

“I cannot bring myself to dress in women’s clothes.”

Well, true, he didn’t really feel like a girl that much, but he didn’t feel completely like a boy either. Shortly thereafter it would have teared apart his mind.

Was he neither? Was he both? Was he fluid? Could he say he didn’t care? What was even allowed anymore?

He? She? They? Roman was too confused to even think straight, let alone make an important choice.

What would Virgil think about it?

He lowered his hands slowly, as the realization struck him.

Virgil was going to reject him.

He will hate me.

Was this going to change everything? Roman could only see one way out of it: escaping the possibility of being rejected and completely burn the bridges out of the blue. Virgil was probably going to hate him in that case, too, but at least it wouldn’t hurt that he knew they couldn’t be together exactly because of him.

He’ll think I lied to him all this time, he’s not going to talk to me anymore, I’m going to ruin everything, the play will be a fiasco-

He brought his fingers to his cheeks and found them already wet with tears, while, as his hearing finally came back to him, instead of focusing on his inner thoughts, he noticed the uneven pattern of his breathing.

That was when someone decided to barge in.

« Sorry, I have to- what? » Lukas stood in the entrance for a second, then he closed the door behind himself with a soft click and made his way to the other actor. « Roman, what happened? Are you okay? »

He tried hard to compose himself, but he just couldn’t. He shook his head, trying to blink back the tears as he bit the inside of his mouth.

« Let’s talk about it, I won’t judge you. I promise. »

« It’s nothing, you can go back, they need you- »

« I don’t think so. » Lukas spoke so firmly he felt obligated to listen to him. « The meeting is over anyway, I came to tell you. And you seem more in need of comfort than anything else. »

« Maybe I do. » Roman admitted, wiping at his face several times.

« Come on then, let’s change and go get some ice cream from that famous place in front of the library. »

Roman was able to shut his thoughts again. Not for long, though.

✾✾✾✾

Something was wrong.

For a habitual worrier like Virgil, it wasn’t arduous to spot the danger zone, a circumstance in which the tiniest detail could have revealed itself to actually be the beginning of a catastrophe.

It had started during his school trip: he had sent tons of pictures to Roman, who had personally demanded him to do so ever since he had heard of the trip. Despite that, he hardly ever answered as excitedly as Virgil thought he would have been.

Roman had the power to sound just as dramatic via text messages, it was unusual for him to sound uninterested.

After that, there were times in which he didn’t answer at all. Virgil had complained to his classmate, who had the pleasant misfortune to share the room with him at the hotel. At first he tried to brush it off, he told himself that maybe he was just too stressed because of school, but the growing anxiety and discomfort had started to show on the outside as well.

His classmate had tried to calm him down, come up with all the positive outcomes he could find, though he couldn’t shake off the concern in his eyes. That, obviously, told Virgil’s paranoia that he probably believed they were going to stop talking forever.

He pretended his heart didn’t sink every time he checked his phone for notifications and tried to make the most of his last days in Athens.

The lovely illusion of potentially finding Roman waiting for him at the parking spot for their bus didn’t help his overthinking.

Why would he even think he would have showed up, anyway? Sure, he lived nearby, but it was pretty late at night on a Sunday. It was more of a wish. He hoped he could have seen him as soon as he had come back to their hometown.

He had thought waiting for the morning would have been worth the longing.

The first day he had been back to school, they had agreed to finally meet after a week of almost no interactions at all.

Eventually, Virgil ended up at his bus stop, a disappointment in his guts that he didn’t want to uncover and a text from Roman that explained he had been caught up with a test and a Spanish project and he couldn’t have made it.

Not even to say a quick hello and disappear again.

Something was wrong, and it dawned on Virgil the day after, during break, when he noticed Roman hanging out with Lukas and subtly getting out of his sight as fast as he could when he saw Virgil.

He was avoiding him on purpose.

Luckily for him, that wouldn’t have lasted much longer as the play rehearsals took place right after school.

His worries were confirmed when Roman refused to look in his direction or sit next to him, Virgil decided to endure everything for the sake of the rehearsal, even when the teachers gave them suspicious glances at how stiff their performance was.

Mrs. Eagan had even stopped him and pulled him aside to see if he knew anything, if Roman was okay or if it was just a bad day.

The funny thing was that Virgil had been wondering the same thing for about a week, trying to come up with different excuses every day while deep inside he blamed himself. He just didn’t know and it was eating him away.

Maybe it was actually his fault.

Lukas had approached him after the meeting ended.

« Hey. I guess, uh … Have you noticed something weird with Roman lately? »

God, why were they all asking him?

« Apparently, everyone is. »

Lukas’ intense stare bore into him.

« I know something. » Virgil’s head snapped up. So that was why they had been closer than usual; Lukas, much like Virgil himself, tended to stay in class most of the time.

« There is something that is bothering him very deeply, but it’s not my place to say. » he shifted in his feet. « I don’t think he’s going to bring it up anytime soon, so I suggest you talk to him. »

His natural nervous state morphed into a concerned one and, given a nod to the boy, he went to look for Roman.

For some reason, he was exiting the theater building from the back. Virgil saw him yelp in surprise when he grabbed his arm.

« Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or did you intend to ignore me a bit longer? »

Roman stiffed. He should’ve seen that coming. Panic rose to his chest as he searched his mind for an answer, a believable excuse.

You could always pretend.

« I fail to see the problem. »

« Are you actually serious right now? » he didn’t mean to raise his voice, but he just couldn’t buy that.

« I- »

« No, for real, are you being serious? » denial seemed to fuel him even more, to the point he brushed his hands on his face to shake off the disbelief. « ‘Cause last time I checked, you didn’t flee everytime you saw me like I was some kind of deathly virus to avoid! »

« Look, you’re blowing this out of proportion. » that was the first time Virgil despised the sound of his laughter and the way he acted. The first butterfly died in his stomach.

« So in your opinion this situation is totally normal and there is nothing to fix. »

« Precisely. » Roman’s words left his thoughts before he could process the kind of bomb he was dropping. He felt his heartbeat increase. « Have a good day. » he dead-panned, averting his stare.

When he made to turn around, he stumbled on his feet: Virgil had took a hold of his arm again, this time his nails almost pierced his skin. Roman noticed he was shaking.

« Don’t you fucking walk out on me again with no explana- »

Roman pulled his arm away. «  What do you want me to say? » he cut him off with a loud exasperated yelling.

All around, the place fell so dead silent that time seemed to freeze. Virgil stared at him wide eyed and instinctively took a step backward.

« What do you want me to say? » Roman repeated more intensely, extending his arms. « Do you want me to go on about how irritating you are right now? » he pretended he didn’t care when he noticed something break in Virgil’s eyes.

« Do you want me to make something up so that I can satisfy you? You know, not everyone is here tending to your needs at anytime. »

Roman tried hard not to let Virgil’s hurt expression get to him, especially when he caught on the fact he was blinking back tears when his gaze shifted to the side.

« Well, I don’t know. I thought we had something going on and I was worried about you. » he emphasized the last sentence, taking up all the courage to look him in the eyes, he failed to believe the conversation was real every time he looked away. « But it doesn’t look like you care at all. »

« You’re right. I don’t. » Roman crossed his arms. A beat, and Virgil intook some breath. « So this should end here. »

« “This”?  » Virgil tilted his head to the side, his eyes narrowed and he made a face, as if he had just tasted something sour. « Our whole … » he widely gestured. « friendship is just a little nothing that can be discarded whenever you feel like? »

« If I say it should, then yes. » there was no emotion in Roman’s voice. The lack of regret started a bonfire in Virgil’s chest, where once a welcoming hearth used to warm his heart.

« At least look me in the eyes and dignify me of the reason why. » something in his cracked tone was desperate. Roman could feel the shards of his broken voice graze his skin.

Then he acquiesced.

« You. » he pointed his finger to Virgil’s chest, then slid both hands on his jacket and lifted him toward himself ever so slightly. He had imagined a scene like that once, only in that circumstance he wouldn’t have hesitated to lean in further.

« Because of you. Because I wanted to. Because I don’t want to be your friend anymore. » he talked rapidly. « Because I don’t like you. »

After a beat, Virgil talked with a strangled voice, keeping up the conversation had become unbearable. « Is it true? »

Roman fought himself not to break down, say no and tell him everything.

« If it is, I’ll be on my way. »

No, no, no, please I need you here. Don’t.

« It is. »

Please.

And that was all Virgil needed.

That was all he needed to hear before slowly getting out of Roman’s grip while he held his stare. All he needed to convince himself to shut his mind, confirm his worries, turn around and walk away with wide steps.

He didn’t last long.

He hid himself behind the side of his bus stop’s canopy and put his hands on his eyes, the lump in his throat was getting harder to shove back down. The pace of his breathing was uneven.

Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry.

Tears welled up in his eyes but he refused to let them escape, they wet his palms instead of doing their usual journey down his cheeks.

He didn’t want to breathe, because sobs were ready to leave his body shaking and that would have meant that he cared. He regretted caring for someone who didn’t even cherish him in the slightest.

He held his breath so much it felt like choking. His hands pressed further on his eyes.

But fucking damn him if he didn’t deeply care for him.

Yet he had been the one to drive him away without even realizing, he replayed the scene in his head and felt a genuine disgust towards himself and the way Roman despised him.

The way he spit his responses like acid on his tongue, which alimented the fire that burned down all the remaining butterflies in Virgil’s stomach.

Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry.

He tentatively lowered his hands, his sight slightly blurred, out of the crying danger. He let the numbness take over, the same one he felt during fights with his parents.

By the time he got home, he had gotten rid of his red eyes.

The void that weighted him down? Well, he had been mastering the art of bottling up emotions for a long time. That would have taken too much longer to let out.

As he got to his room, he buried his feeeling in his guts and threw himself in his bed, unable to bring back the tears.

Roman, on the other hand, realized with an unbearable aching in his chest he tried to ignore unsuccessfully, that had been the first time Virgil hadn’t called him “Princey”.

✾✾✾✾

April flew by in an instant, between Easter holidays that took up most of the month; and, with the arrival of the most feared and toughest period of school, things started getting serious for all the school clubs. Most of them had outings or presentations to do to a vast public.

And, of course, the play was only getting nearer.

Roman thanked his acting skills when the rehearsals took place most of the days, instead of once, the week before the designated day. Sharing the main roles with someone who would’ve rather slaughtered him to bits with a single glance wasn’t exactly his expertise.

On the other hand, when the night arrived, Virgil had definitely other things to take care of than plotting his former friend’s death.

His anxiety levels where hitting the ceiling and crashing right through it, who thought this was a good idea? Him? Acting? Having the main role? Being the one to open the play? Tragically ironic, he was barely able to speak as the clock counted down an hour before he had to appear on the stage and see the curtains open in front of him.

He was being shoved into the dressing rooms by Anastasia after spending most of the time checking if the backstage group had everything under control.

He couldn’t stay still and tried his best not to jump out of his seat when his teammates started doing his make-up and combing his hair in just the perfect position for the wig to be placed and look almost real.

After he had put on Dionysus’ clothes, the last agonizing minutes were ticking down. He couldn’t find comfort in anything or anyone.

He clutched at the fabric, almost believing that, somehow, he could have conveyed his nervousness into it.

His hearing felt muffled as his teachers encouraged him toward the stage. As he looked around while walking, he locked eyes with the other actors. When he met Roman’s, he didn’t feel any kind of reassurance, especially as he looked away before he could have seen the tiniest of smiles creep its way into his face, a way to help him even in the chaos he had created. Had he noticed, Virgil would have thought he was a hypocrite. Right after, a large part of him would have been the happiest and he would have hated it.

But right then, the majority of him felt uptight.

He placed himself in the back of the stage as he had been instructed weeks earlier, then the spell finally worked as he felt his shoulders relax, the tension in his muscles was released and the curtains opened.

In front of him, the theater was full, the lights  were all focused on him and he could hardly make out the facial traits of the audience seated in the front rows.

Virgil had his head held up, his eyes scanned the scene, slowly, he let the moment sink into him and gifted himself some more seconds of full and comfortable silence as the public, expectant, held its breath.

He moved ever so slightly forward. His mind, a few moments earlier, had been crowded with the worst fears of messing up. Now, it was cleared and he felt his steady breathing.

« I have returned! » his voice was earthshaking. « I am Dionysos, the son of Zeus, come back to Thebes, this land where I was born. »

As he transformed bit by bit into the god himself, he didn’t realize how the night was going to turn out wondrously.

✾✾✾✾

The scenes in which Roman and Virgil took part flowed wonderfully.

Because of their fight, the exchanging of lines between them was almost perfectly aligned with the climax of Pentheus and Dionysus’ conversations. They flooded all of their feelings into the characters, improving for the better how the teachers had told them to act. All the internalized emotions were let out, leaving their chests as light as feathers with every half-yelled remark.

The tension could be cut with a knife and the public was hanging at the edge of the seats.

Then, a line was spoken and, for an instant, Roman forgot they were acting in front of numerous people.

« My friend, you can still save the situation. » he couldn’t understand whether or not Virgil’s tone masked some kind of genuine sincerity in his words, or if he had really so much talent to make it seem real.

Roman stilled for a second, letting the words linger in his mind, he didn’t realize the two of them had automatically already shared a couple of lines before he came back to reality.

« This must be some trap. »

« A trap? How so, if I wish to save you by my own devices? » Virgil’s eyes narrowed as he moved closer. Roman’s attention faltered again, some more lines went by while he felt Virgil’s eyes bore into his soul.

« Bring my armor, someone. » Roman looked and gestured toward someone in the back. His expression shifted to an irritated one.  « And you, » he pointed his finger toward Virgil, allowing it to brush his chest for a moment while he paced forward. « stop talking. » he demanded. He had began to walk away, after sharing a long glance with him.

« Wait! » Virgil looked like he was having an idea. The magic of the god flowed into the scene and made the king stop in his tracks, the possession of Dionysus was only beginning. « Would you like to see their revels on the mountain? »

« I would pay a great sum to see that sight. »

« Why do you desire this so badly? » Virgil stepped closer again.

« Certainly I would be sorry to see them in their drunkenness. »

« But would you see gladly what is grievous to you? » that would have made anyone reconsider. And maybe it was the whole meaning of the play. To realize that we actually long for what we despise at times, so much that it can happen that we seek it.

« Yes, very much. Sitting quietly under the pines, out of sight. » the king looked like he was hooked on whatever idea the god was having, his expression hazy.

« But if you try to hide, they may track you down. »

« Your point is well taken. I will go openly. »

« Shall I guide you? Will you attempt the journey? » Virgil extended his arm, he felt like he was mimicking a particular scene from Aladdin.

« The sooner the better. The loss of even a moment would be disappointing now. »

The scene went on, the king grew softer as he fell victim of the god’s disorientating spell. And so did the audience. Captured by the characters on the stage, by the deity’s charm, just like in the tragedy.

With the gentle soft touches they sometimes shared, like the brush of one’s curls, with the wrath of the Maenads told by a terrified messenger and the despair of a mourning mother with a clouded mind, the audience was left wondering if they had all just dreamt the same thing as the curtains closed in front of their eyes.

The night had gone splendidly, they had earned a standing ovation and, thus, their ticket for the provincial Theater were now a certainty.

In a moment, the whole crew had found a spot to celebrate.

Refreshing drinks and simple food was placed on a table on which the teens were more than ready to pounce.

Between laughs, even some tears, small talk and relieved sighs, everybody slowly took time to congratulate Roman and Virgil for their spectacular performance, and everytime someone mentioned to Virgil how skilled Roman must have been to be able to spark such talent in him, he struggled to find the willingness to smile and agree. Not that it wasn’t true, but … he would have preferred to have his mind clear from the guy in a moment of happiness. Even when he actually couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that they were in the same room and it hurt already.

Lukas pulled Roman aside as they both finally stopped being lauded.

« Oh my god, not again- »

« Roman, please, you’ve got to listen to me. For real. »

Roman could hear his exasperated tone, an ashamed look crossed his own face.

« Go an try to talk to him. You owe him an explanation. »

« But what if- »

« Nuh-uh, I know what you’re going to say. Won’t happen. I’m sure of it. » Lukas had a particular way to sound concise and believable, one that often helped when a train of bad thoughts started a journey across your mind.

« I’m not entirely convinced. » Roman sighed, moving his hands on his face. He was also very nervous.

« Listen. » he forced him to look straight in his eyes. « I’ve seen his concern when I told him to look for you. » Roman’s expression grew soft, with a hint of guilt. « There’s no way he’s going to reject you, Roman. Nor make fun of you or disrespect you. »

Lukas glanced behind him at the topic of their conversation. « And you have to believe me when I tell you I know he cares a lot about you. »

Roman looked to the ground, he didn’t like the warm feeling in his chest. « Does he? »

« He does. » he took him by the arm and pulled him forward. « That’s why you will definitely fix this. »

Before he could stop him, they had already arrived at their destination and Lukas signed to someone on the other side of the room and said, loud enough for Virgil to turn and notice them, “Look, there’s Bonnie!”. With that, he left his friend to his destiny.

It was an awkward minute until Roman decided to speak up.

« Hey. » Virgil barely acknowledged him. He gained courage and tried again. « Great job today. » as if he hadn’t heard that thirty times already, that’s great Roman!

He watched him shift his glance to the side, catching Lukas and Bonnie’s smiles directed at them, Lukas looked at Roman, then back to him and nodded.

« So you decide it’s worth to talk to me now. » Virgil didn’t even turn to him. « How curious. » he said, a fake surprised tone accompanying that.

The actor sighed, the consequences of his action were showing, he probably hated him by then, but god forbid he’d lose hope or Lukas would have gone as far as setting up a blind date to fix things between them.

« Can you look at me? »

He didn’t know it would have been so easy to make him face him, but he regretted it as soon as he saw his sour expression, his arms crossed in a defensive manner on his chest.

Roman took a deep breath. « We’re both going to agree that I’m an idiot. » the genuine laugh that escaped Virgil’s lips left him in disbelief.

« Absolutely. »

« Great, uhm … Look, I recognize I fucked up. Like, an awful lot. And I want to apologize properly- I am deeply, truly sorry- »

« And an airhead. »

« -and that. » he conceded. « But I feel like any apology I make doesn’t convey how I actually feel. » he paused, Virgil looked neutral, then nodded slightly. He was still willing to listen.

« If you let me, I’d like to explain everything. All those horrible things I said … I was just scared for something bigger. I thought I was doing what was best for both of us and it was stupid of me to decide that in your place. And I, it’s just- »

« Slow down. » Roman didn’t realize he had his hands at the sides of his face and an heaving chest. Virgil held up his hands in front of him. « Listen. »

Roman did his best to calm his breathing as he waited for the other’s response.

« Let’s stop at that for today, okay? » he gained a nod from Roman. « I don’t think this is the time and place to discuss heavy topics. I have to think about it and you do too. Forgiving and trusting isn’t easy. »

« I understand. » Roman sounded already defeated.

« I’m not finished. » he looked up. « I’ll tell you when I am ready to listen. » Virgil had to admit something blossomed in his stomach when he looked at Roman beaming slightly. « Until then, wait for me? »

« I will. » Roman answered almost instantly, his eyes were smiling for him. He stepped back, believing the conversation was over.

« Princey? » he looked up again, seemingly incredulous. He had missed the nickname in a way he didn’t even know how to explain. He had been feeling like when you hold hands with someone but their hand is slowly slipping away, the grip isn’t as strong anymore and your fingers are barely touching. In fear of letting go or being left altogether. That name alone made it seem like his hold was somewhat stronger.

« Just … relax for tonight. We earned it. Mh? » Virgil raised his hand and placed it on Roman’s shoulder, and he felt it was the best comfort he had had in weeks.

He gave Virgil a smile and they parted again.

This time, though, they were both left with hopeful thoughts in their minds.

✾✾✾✾

Princey: Everything alright?

It had been three days.

Three painful days of waiting and there was no sign of Virgil.

Ever since the play, he hadn’t come back to school. One day was the usual, the group always finished pretty late in the night and none would be seen the day after in class. The teachers closed an eye on that.

Roman had begun overthinking; was he really that exhausted? Did he catch a cold? During May was unlikely, though. Was he sick? A fever, maybe? Or something could have happened, to his family for example. Or to him. His heart sank at that thought alone.

« Don’t do that, brain. » Roman quietly reprimanded himself.

He shot from his seat as soon as the last bell rang, succeeding in exiting his class before anyone else in the entire school had even left their desk. And, as he did the other days, he waited.

And waited.

And-

He had lost most of his hope when, almost fifteen minutes after, he was being pulled toward the stairs instead of still standing in the hallway.

Roman hadn’t even seen the figure discreetly exit his own classroom and grabbing his arm: he focused and recognized a hoodie. Black fabric, purple patchwork.

« You’re alive! » was the smartest thing he came up with, an idiotic smile twitching his lips.

Virgil glanced over his shoulder, shooting him a look that simply said “what are you high on?”

They kept descending toward the basement path for the gym. « There’s a class that is staying here for an extra hour. » he explains, releasing his arms afterwards, meaning the school would have been open for some more.

The walked down the second to last ramp of stairs, had a quick flat path, then climbed the last stairs.

« Are you sure they’re not having a P.E. Lesson? »

« Nah. Philosophy. »

Roman grimaced. « Poor unfortunate souls. » after five hours of intense lessons and only a ten minutes break that felt more like ten seconds, people who were up to do a sixth hour without even having lunch could consider themselves heroes and gained everybody’s respect instantly.

Virgil stopped in a spot between the wooden bleachers and a door that led to the outside.

« We have a little less than an hour- »

« Don’t you go home with a bus usually? »

Virgil blinked, taken aback he was concerned with that instead of already diving into his explanation. « I’m taking the, uh, the later one. »

« When is it? »

« In like … » he checked his phone for the time. « An hour, a little more than that. It’s always late anyway. » he shrugged.

« Okay, then I’ll be keeping you company. »

« You d- »

« As for the real reason we’re here. » Roman walked over to one of the first steps of the bleachers,where large dark brown stairs led the way up to the sitting spots. « Shall we sit down? »

Virgil complied. He turned slightly to him.

Roman breathed in. « I got distant because I was scared of your opinion on myself. » he stared into the nothingness in front of him.

A beat, and Virgil was already in disbelief. « Dude, what? My opinion- Roman, why would you believe I think lowly of you? » he pressed his hands on his chest for emphasis, looking slightly wounded but concerned at most. « You know I l- »

« I- Well, it’s … I’m not finished. » he added. « There’s more to that. I feared your opinion on me after I came to a realization. »

Virgil shifted, giving him his full attention, his chin resting on his palm. That was his cue for him to carry on.

But he couldn’t find the right words. And everything was so difficult, the wrong word and he’d lose Virgil. He didn’t even know where to start. He felt like he had forgotten every detail about himself and his mind had gone blank.

« There was once a king. » he felt himself blurt out.

Okay, you could work on that. Tell a story.

« He had some kind of development right before dying. He thought he hated something he actually enjoyed. Which means … it’s never late to learn something new about yourself. However a big thing it may be. » Roman finally looked over to Virgil, searching some kind of approval.

« Well, yeah. I think so too. »

Roman nodded. « Good, okay. Said king didn’t know that, thanks to him, a couple of thousands of years later, a random guy from around here would learn something about himself too. »

Virgil wasn’t sure he was following the correct train of thought. A part of his mind, deep in the back, suggested Roman was going to confess he wanted to take part of ancient rites and rip people’s limbs apart as a sacrifice for the gods. His logical sense told that part to shut the hell up, this was a serious moment.

Had he ever seen him open up so much to him? Sure, they both vented to each other in times of need, when they needed to complain about teachers or parents. Usual teenage stuff.

Sometimes he, himself, revealed some rather personal information when he really couldn’t take it anymore and his mental health decided to do a back-flip and sink down into the abyss of god knows what was going on in his mind.

As for Roman, well, Virgil hadn’t realized until now how much he had always kept to himself.

« Pentheus, in the end put a lot of care in his feminine look, dare I say he was kind of passionate about it, yes? » he attempted, looking over to Virgil again, he studied his reactions, his body language, trying to find out if he was a safe place before he was too late. How did people do this, was there a map or a guide he could follow?

« I’d say so, yes. He asked for Dionysus help, especially. »

Roman suddenly looked like he had just had an epiphany, his voice raising a little. « Yes, right! »

« Are you … asking for my help? »

He noticed Virgil was trying to read through the lines. « I don’t know, it’s just …I am too. Passionate. Uhm … that. »

« I know?  I can see that a lot of times- »

« No! No, not in- » Roman started gesturing widely. He dropped his arms in defeat, unable to track back his flow of thought. Stupid, stupid, stupid-

« Alright, we’re struggling a bit, aren’t we? » Roman grimaced and nodded. « You don’t have to tell me right now. » Virgil started.

« I want to! » and the sound in his voice was too desperate.

« Okay. » Virgil continued, maintaining a soft tone. « You can go straight to the point, if you want. I can ask questions in case I’m confused. There’s no need to tell everything at once. » upon finding so much comfort in him, Roman felt the urge to cup his cheeks and kiss the hell out of him for once and for all, forgetting about the mess they’d gone through.

« It isn’t easy. »

« I know. »

Virgil looked around, as if in search of a possible idea, then he simply stuck out his hands from his pockets and offered them to Roman. After sharing a stare to see if he was for real, Roman wasn’t late to take up said offer.

So, now he was holding hands with his crush, whose heart he had broken a month prior, now trying to come out to him. A piece of cake.

He brushed the back of  Virgil’s hands with his fingers, trying not to think about all that despite how impossible it was.

He took a deep breath, deciding it was either now or never.

His face shot up, expression determined like he knew exactly what he was talking about. His lips parted and Virgil leaned slightly in anticipation.

« I am non-binary. »

There.

Virgil blinked a few times, his expression didn’t change.

That was … it? Or maybe he was still processing. Or-

Roman couldn’t find it in himself anymore to look him in the eyes, he stared at their still joined hands, hunched over himself.

After a beat, he saw Virgil’s hands release his own from his grip and instead move on his arms and pull him in for the best and fiercest hug he could have ever fathomed to be real.

It wasn’t the first time they’d hugged, obviously, but it was truly the first time after an achingly long period of no contact at all, no talking, no being emotional together at 1 am over puppy pictures of Virgil’s Labrador.

It was the first real hug they’d both shared with someone for a while.

That was also the reason why all the adrenaline and nervousness of the moment decided to ease up under his touch, which caused the first tears to travel down his cheeks in irregular patterns.

As he heard the first sobs, Virgil tightened the hug.

« I have no problem with that, you absolute hard-head. » he gripped the back of his shoulders, pulling him as close as he could.

« I was … so scared. That you would’ve, I don’t know, rejected me. » Roman let out, struggling.

« I know. I’m sorry. » Virgil pulled away just enough for him to see his face. Roman noticed he was wearing a guilty look on his face. It took him a second to understand.

« Vi- »

« No, shut up. I have to. » he still had his hands on his shoulders and stared directly into his eyes. « I’m sorry you felt the need to do all of that because you were scared. And also I’m sorry for attacking you out of frustration. I was too confused to act right. »

« I forgive you. » Roman gifts him a smile after soothing him with the soft sound of his voice.

« I wish you hadn’t been scared. I hate the fact that you were and I didn’t help at all. »

« It’s not like you knew I was, I said pretty mean things instead of confronting you, too. »

« How about we say we’re both idiots and call it a day? »

« Agreed. »

After the hug, the first genuine shared laugh came, too.

« Seriously, though. You don’t have to worry about this, I’m the last person that will judge you. Nothing would change even if you had some overnight realization and you told me about it in the morning. And if you need to look more into it, you’re free to come to me. »

That was how Virgil earned another long lasting hug and a couple of hundreds of thank yous whispered into his ear. Which totally didn’t make him all flustered and shove Roman away. Only you imagined that.

« Oh, I have an idea. » Roman suddenly got up from the stairs and walked down.

« That’s a first. »

« Okay, wonderful, is it too late to go back to no talking? »

Virgil chuckled under his breath, then shrugged. « Enlighten me. »

« We could go shopping together. Like, clothes, make-up, or- »

« Food. »

« You’re the only one that truly gets me. » Roman’s dramatic tone was accompanied by an air kiss. « There’s also the end of the year’s dance coming around, oh! We could get matching clothes! »

Virgil quirked an eyebrow, still sitting down and looking up at him, a smirk crossed his face. « Is this your way of subtly asking me to go with you, Princey? »

As if on cue, Roman’s entire body decided to heat up at once and he very carefully wondered if someone had actually just set him on fire. Maybe that would’ve been an easier situation.

Roman stuttered, who allowed him to be so bold out of the blue? Illegal. That was definitely illegal, that smirk was illegal, and the effect his whole being had on him was definitely utterly mostly illegal.

« ImeanIguessifyoudlike- »

« If you think I caught all of that you’re very wrong. »

« I’m just saying. » he tried again. « If it’d fancy you, then we could arrange something. » he conceded.

Over-dramatic. Poised, like a seventeenth century aristocrat. And so, so deeply infuriating.

« Maybe, when His Royal Highness decides to come back to the present time. »

« So that’s a yes? »

The last bell of the day rang, at which Virgil retrieved his backpack and made his way to the door. « I said maybe. »

Roman followed right after, their next destination was his friend’s bus stop, where they would have waited for more than half an hour.

And he definitely knew that was a yes.

✾✾✾✾

It was like breaking out of a shell.

As much as the inside could have been comfortable, curled up in a silent but pleasant darkness, only once out you could be able to shine bright and experience the real freedom.

Virgil and Roman had spent the day at the most visited mall nearby their school’s town; being able to finally buy whatever you wished with no nervousness was such a cathartic experience. Confidence could only accompany them.

They were walking down the street to reach the train station, bubble teas in their hands.

« Hey, V. » of course, Virgil could only turn so much that his friend had already hit him with one of the bubbles in his drink. It was a simple and effective way of annoying someone, you got the bubble in the straw and then you blew it out toward someone. And, if it managed to crush and let out all the syrup, well, you had to run.

Thankfully that wasn’t the case.

« Something’s telling me you want my attention. »

« Firstly, I always want attention. » Roman counted on his fingers, correcting the other. « But, yes, I have a question. »

« Shoot. » Virgil took another sip of his drink. The nonchalance and general comfortableness of those situations always managed to let him relax.

« Have you cleared your thoughts about university? »

At least, until he wasn’t reminded of something else.

« I suppose. »

« Are you gonna stay in the province? » Virgil noticed his slightly shaky voice, was it trepidation or fear?

« Most likely, yes, I’ll commute. I’m probably going to take up that Cultural Heritage faculty, there’s a lot of history of art. » he looked at Roman. « And also some archaeology exams. »

Roman’s smile grew wider at the news, he remembered one of the first times they talked, he had suggested that himself.

« I’m going to a theater academy. » he finally conceded, eyes going down at the sidewalk he was pacing on while his smile faltered a bit. « It’s a two hours car ride from home. I’ll be staying in an room with some others I think. »

« Well, yeah, it’s the best option. »

« You’re, uh, okay with it? »

Virgil stopped and blinked with an indescribable look on his face. « I’d be mad if you didn’t go there, Roman. You’ve got the talent and the opportunity, too. »

« Alright. » the trademark smile was back again. « You can come whenever you want, anyway. »

« Sure. It’ll be a pleasure to blast angsty songs under your balcony in the middle of the night. »

« Don’t make me take it back, Emo in Black Clothing. »

« Let me be an individual. »

« Anyway, » Roman gestured widely. « I’ll come back during weekends. »

« Honestly, the fact that you think you might get rid of me so easily wounds me, Princey. » Virgil giggled quietly, something he allowed himself rarely.

It wasn’t long after he realized Roman hadn’t been following him anymore after having pronounced the nickname that sparked in him the same warm effect even after a hundred times of saying it out loud.

Virgil turned with a questioning look.

« I have another question. » Roman watched him instinctively shrink in himself. « How did you come up with that name? »

The other tilted his head and arched an eyebrow. « You literally wrote it down on my phone when you gave me your number. »

Roman smiled sadly, biting his lower lip, then shook his head slightly. « I can’t believe you don’t remember. »

« Remember what? »

« Our first year. » Roman stepped closer. « We were our first months into the theater club. I was going off at someone about a Disney play I did when I was a child. You were pissed at me because I was wasting my time and that’s when you called me that for the first time. »

Virgil went wide-eyed. « You remember all of that? »

« I liked it. » Roman shrugged. That was the first time he had really noticed him, the one time he had decided to try and be friends with him, actively failing every attempt. And there he was, years later, finally having accomplished the mission.

« That’s cute of you, Princey. » okay, well, something he couldn’t handle was definitely being called that twice in a day, especially after being described as “cute” by Virgil of all people.

This is illegal illegalillegalillegal.

Roman wasn’t even aware he was being basically dragged towards the train station with his arm linked to Virgil’s.

✾✾✾✾

The chorus had prepared itself behind the curtains.

« Virgil, look at me. » Roman had positioned himself in front of him, blocking his view from the stage. « It’s gonna be fine. You’re amazing, you’ve proved it before and I’m sure you’ll do it again. Just follow your emotions like last time. »

He did really want to believe him, he wanted to give his best performance for his fellow club members. Then why was it so hard to have faith in himself?

He was still keeping a grimace when Roman brought up all his courage and leaned his hands at the sides of Virgil’s face to place a kiss on his forehead.

« I believe in you. »

To assure yourself a good success, it can be required to change something up in order to gain an even larger public.

Cicero was a good example to make: he came up with his sermones for the trials, learnt them by heart, recited them during his prosecutions and had a trusted servant that he had freed afterwards, Tiro, take notes on what he said during the trial. Once it was over, and most likely won, he would go back home and confront his first draft with Tiro’s notes, he would combine them an create a greater sermo and publish it for all the Romans to see.

That was what Virgil was reminded of when the theater teachers told them they had an idea to improve even more Dionysus and Pentheus’ interactions.

Also, that was the reason why he was then standing in the middle of the stage at the provincial theatre at the end of May or early June, Roman in front of him who had just approached him. Or, more precisely, the reason why he lifted his arm to place a finger on Roman’s cheek and lightly push his head to the side, just the little bit he needed.

His eyes scanned Roman’s hair. « This lock of your hair has come out of place, not the way I arranged it under your headband. » he tilted his head to the side, returning his glance on his eyes.

« It must have worked loose, when I was dancing for joy. » Roman’s voice sounded dreamy, almost surreal, like he wasn’t even in that world.

« Well, I will rearrange it, » Virgil took both of his hands in a comforting manner. « Since to tend thee is my care; » he lifted his chin afterwards. « Hold up your head. » he commanded.

« Here, you arrange it; for I depend on you, indeed. »

He raised a hand to move Roman’s hair back under the headband. Both his fingers and the silence lingered, like the stare they kept up.

Build tension.

And they did, in an achingly slow pattern, give the audience little hints.

Like when Dionysus made the physical contact linger, on his hair, on his dress, on his hand when he gave him the thyrsos, when the angered expressions shifted into softer ones, or they stood closer than they should have.

Dionysus was almost as good as Hermes with lies, he was a god of disguises, after all. The god kept on filling the king of fake praises.

« You will spoil me. »

« I mean to spoil you. »

Make them expectant.

Before they realized, they were both in the back of the stage, still clearly visible to their public, while a group of students, the messengers, explained the tale of how Pentheus, once reached the Bacchantes, came to his fall.

Roman was standing in front of Virgil, behind him the crowd of Maenads was starting to get up, slowly, and approach. Virgil stepped closer, putting his hands on Roman’s shoulders.

« And there came a great voice out of heaven. Dionysos’, it must have been, crying: “Women, I bring you the man who has mocked at you and me and at our holy mysteries. Take vengeance upon him.” »

And turn your back on them at the last second.

Virgil shoved Roman to the group, and he fell behind, his back against the Maenads’ arms. The lights on them went off.

« Happy was the hunting. »

✾✾✾✾

« If you need help the reception at the front will be open until you guys aren’t finished. » and with that, the two fellow actors were dismissed by their teachers along with a couple of other group members.

Saying that it had been a wild night of success was an understatement, as Virgil and Roman found themselves at almost two a.m. still fully clothed with their play costumes and not a single bit of make up wiped away.

Way too many people from the audience stopped to greet them and compliment their talent, some had even full conversations with them and never seemed to want to let them go.

When they thought they had finally broken free of the people’s questions, they were met with a local journalist who demanded an interview with the main actors and the heads of the group. They both thought their success was insane, but they couldn’t help but feeling prideful about it.

Mrs. Eagan and Mrs. Michaelis had waited for most of the students to leave with their relatives before deciding they could go home themselves and accompany some of the remaining ones.

They had made sure Virgil and Roman were fine with being left alone in the biggest theater they had ever acted in, trusting them enough since, in the end, both of them had reached 18 already and they were adults in the teachers’ eyes.

So, as any adult would do, they politely told them they didn’t have to worry and they could go home right then and there. They kept their poised stances until the little group was gone.

Then, they grinned at each other and made the most of it.

There was no spot they couldn’t say they hadn’t checked out or touched, they admired props lying around for other productions. Or the costumes they probably weren’t supposed to know about in bigger dressing rooms.

It was hilarious: two actors running around the backstage of a theater, one dressed like an ancient Greek god, the other still in full Maenad look, the fake fawn skin now in his arms.

As they finally went back to the rooms reserved to their school, they started helping each other out, a good teamwork, with taking off bobby pins still stuck in their (very soft, Roman had to note) hair.

They took their precious time in cleaning their faces free of foundation, eyeliner and all the other products they didn’t even know had been used. By that, of course, we mean smearing mascara under their eyes and looking like absolute messes before wiping it off completely.

The oh-so-fun aura died down when it came to take off their costumes and slide back into their normal clothes.

It meant they were done, that they would’ve gone home after that and their experience was over. End of the games, just like that.

Roman didn’t think so.

Virgil had just gotten in his small dressing room, those same ones that you see in clothing shops, when he jumped at Roman storming in immediately after, tugging at the curtain to block out the rooms light.

« What the fuck, man? » Virgil had his body completely pressed to the wall, next to him a mirror and Roman on the other side.

He had a mischievous smile on his lips, one Virgil didn’t really trust.

« I had a thought. »

« That’s a first! »

« Stop doing that, » Roman whined before recomposing himself. « You should help me. »

Virgil wasn’t sure he had heard correctly, did he just say- « What? »

« You helped me with it on the stage, might as well help me out of them too, wine god. » he giggled in such an annoying way that Virgil felt the need to punch his face but also write a poem about how adorable he was at the same time. The duality of a poor tired guy who didn’t know what to do with his feelings anymore.

« You’re the laziest person I know. »

Virgil took the tiniest step forward, then moved his fingers on the front buttons of Roman’s shirt and started working on them.

Silence fell over and now he was painfully aware of his breathing, of the heat rushing to his face which he fought back. But how could he when Roman’s breath tickled his cheeks with every exhale?

He could practically feel his stare, it was that same one sensation of impatience and distraction that eventually forced you to look up in curiosity.

But when Virgil did, he found out he wasn’t looking at him.

Well, technically, he was, but their eyes didn’t meet; Roman’s stare was, rather, lingering on the line of his jaw, then trailing down his neck.

Virgil moved slowly.

Next thing he knew, Roman’s hands were untangling the strings on his clothes.

« What are you doing? » he didn’t mean to sound so quiet.

Roman didn’t take his eyes off of the laces. « I’m undressing you. »

And that was the last straw, because after that Virgil absolutely and very clearly lost it.

He took his wrists and pushed forward: Roman’s back touched the room’s wall with a small thud and his hands were brought above his head, pinned by Virgil’s own.

Virgil surged upward, stopping exactly as his lips ghosted over Roman’s, and everything was clear to him.

Pothos, the desire of something or someone that is far away, that achingly long time you’ve been waiting for the moment to present itself and give you the chance of satisfaction.

With that millimeter between them, Virgil just knew it was still too much to bear. Neither would have felt complete.

It was when Roman finally, finally closed the gap and transformed the longing into passion that he understood. He truly understood it all.

Himeros, the desire of something or someone that is right in front of you, and yet the one that makes you feel like something’s wrong.

It is the concept of love as missing, almost physically, yearning for the object of your dreams to reciprocate your feelings or simply be there.

Virgil pressed his lips desperately on Roman’s; to hell with it, he wanted to feel the wholeness Aristophanes liked to talk about in his myth. He wanted to know what the demon, son of Pòros and Penìa, was like when he possessed his senses. He wanted to understand the link between beauty and life that only the gods could fathom.

He wanted to experience the thousand, then hundred and a thousand more kisses Catullus wrote about, to the point of not being able to keep the count anymore. Or see the same beauty Sappho saw in the objects of her love as she remembered them while lying down with the moonlight brushing her skin.

He wanted to see the world slowly rebuild itself, just like Tityrus had seen thanks to his love for Amaryllis, the tale Virgil, the Latin poet, had narrated.  Orpheus’ willingness to go to the end of time, to the end of the earth for Eurydice.

And Roman was able to give all of that to him with a single, gentle touch. Roman was his mean to reach the deity’s realm, the muse that sang to him his epic poem.

For a moment, they believed they didn’t need to breathe at all.

Roman slid his hands into Virgil’s, bringing them down and leaving them at the sides of his face as his own searched for Virgil’s back to hold him closer and pressed their bodies flushed, he needed to understand the completeness.

Begrudgingly, he left the taste of Virgil’s chapstick to leave a trail of slow and gentle kisses down his neck, leaving red marks here and there as he made his way.

Roman shifted, stumbled around and Virgil couldn’t care less when he found himself with his back against the mirror, its coldness a contrast to the rising heat of his body.

They met again in a deeper, open mouthed kiss, tongues having a dance they would have never wanted to conclude.

A myriad of feelings were bursting in their chests, Roman was pretty sure that the butterflies had now become a greater beast, blissfully twisting his insides. He finally had a word for it: it was a catastrophe.

The way Virgil’s nails grazed his skin, how his hands held onto his shoulders, or his fingers just barely brushing the hair on his neck, occasionally tugging at it. Devastating. Their breaths mixed, their hearts pounding alongside, an unbearable cacophony echoing through the air between them.

Pulling apart and diving back in, terrific.

Roman moved away only to take a moment to appreciate the sight and fathom what a tremendous work of art they had done. And it was wonderful.

With every single aspect of themselves, they had created a breathtaking painting, the awe upon the sculpture of Laocoon.

Roman raised his hands to cup Virgil’s cheeks, brushing those beautifully red swollen lips with his thumbs. He allowed himself to smile and catch Virgil’s lower lip between his teeth one last time.

Dizzy, light-headed and catching his breath, he would have sworn he had just experienced the Stendhal syndrome.

Time slipped before they decided to change, give themselves a rest and find a place to sit down.

Virgil melted as Roman refused to let go of his hand, or his arm, shoulder, waist, anything that could possibly indicate that he was still there and it wasn’t all a dream.

« Hey. » Roman suddenly looked up and met Virgil’s searching eyes. « I’m not going anywhere. » his own eyes fell to the hand he had clasped in both of his, clutching it like a life-saver.

« Oh, I- » his giggle sounded a bit too loud. « Sorry, I just. » the right words, where were the right words when he needed them? « Are you sure? » his voice was barely above a whisper.

Wait. That wasn’t what he wanted to say. Where did that come from- what was that sad look on Virgil’s face?

Roman felt the other’s hand tighten around his. « I am utterly and perfectly sure, Roman. I’m exactly where I want to be. »

« In a deserted theater at three in the morning with a nerd from the languages course? »

Virgil chuckled. « Don’t do that, you know what I’m talking about. »

« I suppose. »

« Alright. » Virgil shifted so that he was completely facing him, he took both his hands and held them while looking right into his eyes. « You can tell me if something’s bothering you. »

Roman felt himself blush, he had been exposed, and something was pinching his stomach. He had to let it out.

« It’s kind of weird, but … I’m still kind of afraid you might reject me. And you could think it is because I don’t trust you, which is not true, but I wouldn’t blame you, then you could start hating me- anyone could start hating me at any given time and I’m just- I’m just trying to understand myself, I’ve only started to do so and I’m scared anyone could leave me exactly because of that and it would shatter me. »

Roman breathed in deeply, that was the most he had ever revealed of his dark thoughts, yet it was still so little and he knew he wouldn’t have been satisfied enough with a single conversation.

« I understand how you feel. » Oh. « I think like that, too, sometimes. Often times. And I can’t promise you all that will be gone in the blink of an eye. But we can work on it together, if you’re willing to. »

« We can? » he tentatively glanced up.

« We can. » Virgil reassured, gifting him a genuine smile.

Roman threw his arms around his neck, whispering a thank you in his ear as Virgil returned the hug just as tight.

« Come on now, or the receptionist will most likely fall asleep on us. »

Roman didn’t move as the other got up and felt himself stop in his tracks by Roman’s hand. He turned around, the sitting boy glued his eyes to the ground.

« Can you do me a favor? » his voice was barely above a whisper, like he was actually talking to himself.

« Of course. »

« I’m not even sure about it, but I’ll never be if I don’t try it first. » Roman began explaining. « Can you use neutral pronouns with me? Just you, I want to see if I’m comfortable with it. »

Virgil gifted them a smile. « Certainly. Also, you don’t need to justify yourself, just say the word. »

Roman tackled him in another hug. « You’re the best, holy shit. »

« Please, no, I have a reputation to maintain. »

« What reputation? »

« Excuse you? »

« No, wait I didn’t mean it like tha- Vir- Wait for me! I don’t know the way- »

« You’re going home alone. »

« No wait, I’m afraid of the dark! »

« Good luck with the monsters. »

« How could you say that?! »

Needless to say, in a minute their hands were linked again.

✾✾✾✾

Exams were in ten days.

That night, though, the students from the last year didn’t care. Along with the ones from the other years, they showed up to celebrate their well deserved end of the school year.

The party was something simple, there was music and drinks, but most importantly, there were too many people.

That was something Virgil had never liked; despite that, though, he had found quite a pleasant company. Yes, he had gone with Roman and yes, he had to stop himself before he ruined their makeup with kisses for how gorgeous they looked.

They had made their entrance and, in a second, they were joined by none other than their three favorite fellow actors.

« Imagine we actually did those King and Queen of the night, like they do in those movies. » Dave suggested. « If I were ever to win, I’d give you my crown, Ro-bro. »

« Why would that be? » Bonnie questioned, if she knew something, it was Dave’s love for his personal stuff.

« Because as Cadmus I’ve already done my duty as sovereign so I’m passing my throne to my child. »

« Hearing you say that while I’m older than you is kind of weird- »

« Also! » he interrupted again. « Because you’re the worst drama queen I’ve ever known. »

Roman snorted while Virgil nodded solemnly; that was the Dave they had learnt to know.

« I would say you’re not too far from it either. » Lukas barged in, handing one of the drinks he was carrying to Bonnie. He had left the group to get them a few moments earlier.

Snickers filled the air between them while Dave gave him a mischievous look. « Aw, here I thought you had gone off with your boyfriend. »

« Wait, what? Why do I not know of this? » Virgil protested, arching an eyebrow toward the boy in question.

Lukas rolled his eyes so hard they thought for a second that they couldn’t see his irises anymore. « He’s not. And, for the record, he’s annoying. »

« Huh. » Roman shifted his gaze and looked over Lukas’ shoulder. « I don’t think the feeling is mutual. »

Virgil turned to see a tall blonde and over excited guy waving wildly at them. Heh, he could understand his friend’s motives.

Dave waved back with an idea in mind, yelling a “hello” from a distance, then he grabbed Lukas’ shoulders and shoved him towards the other boy. « Go get him, tiger. »

« I hate you so much. »

The bunch cheered and laughed altogether, checking their friend from a distance.

« And Bonnie, » Cadmus’ actor really had something for everybody that night, didn’t he? « Don’t think I haven’t noticed your heart eyes at that Hiro dude from the Art course. »

As if on cue, the girl went wide eyed and red in the face: it took a couple of encouragements before she was off, too, on her love quest.

« As for you two. » the actor began, pointing his fingers toward Virgil and Roman. « Go have fun already. » he ordered with a genuine smile, then he decided to add on with a softer tone. « Maybe somewhere you won’t be afraid to at least hold hands. »

Oh. So he had noticed how they were subtly standing extra close.

« Are you trying to get rid of all of us so you can hook up with someone yourself? » Roman teased, arching their eyebrow.

Dave simply chuckled and showed them the way to a flight of stairs that led to an outer terrace.

« Don’t be arodiculus, Ro-bro. »

« Did you just- »

« Yes, I did. Now, have fun, lovebirds! » Dave pat each on their shoulders and disappeared into the crowd behind themselves.

Roman shook their head with a small smile, then they extended their arm for Virgil to take their hand, which he very much gladly did. They marched up the stairs and finally they were breathing pure air.

Virgil walked up to the railing of the terrace, letting go of Roman and leaning into the sight of the nightly town.

« I thought I was going to suffocate in there. »

« You should have told me if you wanted some quiet time, you know. »

« Shush, silence is in town. » he gestured to the tranquil city in front of them. « Keep her around. »

Roman laughed quietly. They approached Virgil and they rested their chin between his neck and shoulder, wrapping their arms around his chest.

« Will you ever stop making references to emo bands? »

« Honestly, the fact that you know of them really does say something about you. »

« I’m going to remind you that I could literally throw you off this building right now. »

Virgil set his hands around their wrists and hummed. « Normally I would’ve shoved you away, but I kind of like this, so. »

This time, Roman didn’t pretend they didn’t feel the welcome giddy feeling in their stomach and allowed themselves to look even more delighted than usual when they were around him.

« And I kind of like you. » they admitted, turning their head to place a quick kiss on his cheek.

« You’re a sap, Princey. »

« No, I mean it. »

That was definitely Virgil’s cue to melt right on the spot. No grand gestures needed, simple words of appreciation were enough to push his overload of positive emotions button. Roman had wondered more than once how much he had been neglected affection before they were there to tend to his well-being.

« Ro … you don’t have- »

« I want to, Virgil. » the way they directly spoke into his ear sent shivers down his spine.

« I believe in us together more than anyone else. » they mused, Roman was looking ahead of him, eyes occasionally shifting to the starry sky above them.

They tightened their embrace. « I believe that with each other, we are stronger than we know. »

You’re gonna make me cry. Virgil thought he had actually said it, instead his voice died in his throat as he tried to blink back the heartfelt joyful tears that threatened to make an appearance.

Roman stepped away and he already missed the warmth. They turned Virgil to face him and rested their hands on his cheeks, looking lovingly into his eyes. It was too dark to determine the color, but none would have been able to make them forget their glow.

« I- » Virgil felt in an helpless dire need of intelligent words.

« Sh, don’t say it. » Roman’s smile was far too soft to bear. « I know. »

He didn’t know what to do. He once believed he could recognize what that kind of feeling was, little did he know he was so wrong. It was nothing like he had experienced before and Roman taught him what it really meant.

« I just wanted to thank you. » Virgil admitted before they could stop him. « For opening up to me and trusting me with all the issues that have come to your mind recently. » he went through some of them silently in his memory. « And the ones that have been in the back of your head for far too long. » there was a reprimanding tone in his voice and Roman kind of felt like they deserved it.

« Sometimes it is nice to be reminded I’m not the only one to think about themselves as a bit broken. »

« Which you definitely aren’t. » Roman was quick to retort. « And I should be the one thanking you, so don’t even get me started on that. »

Virgil snorted and nodded slightly.

« In conclusion, » Roman started, pausing dramatically. Then, they leaned in just that essential amount to grant themselves the perfect special effect. Their voice was warm and emotional. « I’m so fucking glad I fell in love with you. »

Virgil didn’t fight his wish to surge up and kiss them senseless.

✾✾✾✾

The chorus of Bacchantes stood, covering the view of the back of the stage. Their gazes were fixated on the ground. They were still, making no sound. Bronze statues.

Dionysus and Pentheus appeared at each side of the stage, walking towards each other and meeting in the middle. The god placed his hand on the other’s shoulder and they both faced the audience.

They broke the fourth wall.

« So ends the play and Pentheus’ story » the king declared, searching for the public’s reaction.

Dionysus scanned them too, after taking a step forward, almost at the edge of the pavement.

The curtains started to close, leaving the god in between.

A cryptic smile danced on his lips as a provocation left his mind.

« Isn’t it the thing we hate or fear the most the one that remarkably fascinates and intrigues us? »

He stepped away. The god had vanished.

The audience breathed in and out, and the curtains met at last.

✾✾✾✾

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