#Ik among us is dead but oh well

[kaeruandtopo]

what a nice way to start off this tumblr acc ☺️

ok cyaaa

-topo

[serialadoptersbracket]

Round 2, Match 30: Kazuma Kiryu vs. Yuugo and Lucas

Submitted kids:

Kazuma Kiryu: Haruka, Ayako, Eri, Riona, Izumi, Taichi, Koji, Mitsuo, and Shiro

Yuugo and Lucas: My guy. [They have] like 60. I'm not gonna list them all.

Propaganda under the cut! (Spoilers ahead!)

Kazuma Kiryu:

1. “There's a pretty big section of one of the game that's entirely about taking care of all those kids and it's all really sweet !”

2. “How the fuck did he get 9. There’s like 6-8 games where he’s the main character and he adopts haruka rlly early, but then in one game in the middle of the series, in the beginning like opening scenes he’s like avtually fuck it I’m adopting an ENTIRE orphanage/eight WHOLE children. (not a bit like. He actually did that) he’s the silliest billy badass old man. Grampy Kiryu also, bc haruka has a kid now.”

Yuugo and Lucas:

Yuugo: “I LOVE THIS RAT MAN SO MUCH ok so he starts off not wanting anything to do with these 15 children (ik i said 60 but they come later) who showed up at his doorstep because yk his entire family was killed and he's afraid of loving someone in the same way again. So he tries to push them away but oh boy these kids are clingy and also they found the emergency detonator and threatened him with blowing up his house.

Here's the thing though one character arc, the reuniting with his friend who he thought was long dead, and the rescue of an entire hunting ground full of kids later raising these kids literally becomes his new purpose in life. Along with Lucas (his aforementioned friend who I'm convinced is married to him) he helps teach them everything he knows about surviving in such a hostile world, things he himself had to learn the hard way which cost a lot of his loved ones his life. Before these kids showed up he was hopeless and without purpose. He didn't know why he was still alive and even contemplated ending it all. But all this changed when he adopted these kids.

Lucas: Anyway imagine watching your entire family die in front of you because you got trapped in a human hunting ground run by man eating demons, so you start a rebellion by recruiting kids in the hunting ground and teach them how to use guns among other things. That's what Lucas did!! :D

Anyway it's pretty much confirmed that he's the kids' confirmed dad, there's like 2 scenes where they outright call him their father. But I disgress.

Much of what I said in the Yuugo propaganda applies to him as well, he teaches the kids all he knows about survival which he had to learn the hard way and would protect them with his life. The difference is he's been doing the parent thing for a lot longer, he literally RAISED the Goldy Pond kids.

Both: First off: gay marriage. Second: The way they know exactly what it's like to lose loved ones due to inexperience and how they went "yeah no way in Hell this is gonna happen to these kids we're gonna prepare them for The Horrors" was a 2 person thing you think it's easy to take care of 60 children and homeschool them? Third: This is spoilers btw. They go and do a Die Hard (infiltrate a building that's been completely overtaken by the enemy and take it back from the inside) just so their children wouldn't have to live with the trauma of killing an actual human being.

I wish they were my dads.”

[salaciousdoll]

Hi Aishaaaa. Okay I though I'd make this an ask so it doesn't get totally lost on your notifs. Alright, after reading your Taiju fic I have devised a list of questions (no pressure if you don't feel like answering a question you don't have to answer it <3): 

What is Cyclopean City? Where did it come from? When was it built? Why was it built instead of say a village or something to that effect?

Where did the giants come from, what's their story? How did they affect humans (if humans are able to access the city then were the giants also able to access human cities)?

Where did the giants go? (ik it’s implied that they’re statues but it’s never really explained how a whole race just disappeared, especially one as civilised to build a whole city and drive cars) 

Why are we (as reader and her group of friends) in this city? (was it just out of pure curiosity? Cause I recall them saying they wanted to explore the mansion (and Yuzuha prolly had something to do with them being there as well), was there any other reason besides curiosity?) 

What was Yuzuha’s motive? Because it’s not really clear (to me at least), yeah she has a crush on her but that’s it? They want to share reader because she’s pretty? (omg I’m sorry if that came off as rude, I don’t mean it that way I promise)

Why did Yuzuha have to reveal herself as a giant if the goal was to get readers blood? Can she only use compulsion when in giant form (which makes it easier to obtain and control reader)? I ask this because she could’ve kept her real form a secret, gotten the blood and left without having to make the promise with reader. This also applies to when she opens the gate, so does she keep her strength even in human form? 

Where is statue Taiju? You never really give us a sense of location as to where he actually is, he just exists two minutes away from the path reader and Yazuha were on. 

Why did Yuzuha suddenly refuse to use compulsion when they were done with statue Taiju? Ik she said she wanted her genuine promise, but how would she actually guarantee that reader wasn’t lying to her? Why would she trust reader in the first place? They don’t know each other very well and reader is very apprehensive toward her which creates a huge distrust between them, so to me it didn’t make sense NOT to use compulsion.

OH! What is the magic system of this world? Because Yuzuha briefly mentions a spell they used to turn ‘human sized’ but there’s no further explanation of how they found it, where they found it or how they even know how to use magic, it’s just kinda shown to us that it’s in her ring but was it always there? Did they have to transfer the magic into the object? Do her brothers also have this ring?

For Yuzuha and Hakkai, did they move out of Cyclopean City? Because if Yuzuha has a ring to turn her small, is that how she met her friends? How did she meet them? Did she live among the humans for a while when Cyclopean City crumbled? If so, when did she do this (like how old was she and how old was she and her brother when they found the spell that allowed them to leave the city?)

Who did Taiju encounter that turned him into a steel statue (he doesn’t really explain)? And how long had he been like that? Do all statues remain sentient when they are turned? 

“ Taiju shiba is my dead brother babe, he’s right over here. You’re literally next to him, actually you’re standing on his hand. You see he’s alive, but he’s a statue due to an problem he had with people he fucked with, he’ll explain on his own time. To answer the last two questions, isn’t it obvious we want you to be ours, our lover, our wife, everything. It doesn’t have to be that fast but tonight he wanted to show you why he wants you, isn’t that sweet?”  – How is Taiju dead but alive? Or was Yuzuha lying about him being dead as a front for him being a statue? 

Is Yuzuha also half-vampire? She seems to disappear at lot without sound hahaha (prime example is when they enter the mansion and she just poofs)

Speaking of the mansion, what is the layout like? Because reader takes a few steps and finds the smaller statues (in the hallway) (“You both forgot about the statues in the hallway connected to the room”), then Taiju appears and sits in a chair in his room? There’s no clear indication of change in location besides him picking her up and just sitting in a chair. You also describe this space as an open room of the mansion – so I’m a bit confused as to where we are because it bounces around a lot. 

Also if the statues are in the hallway how are they also in the room? Because you wrote – “Your words caught everyone off guard because they thought you were the quiet type, you felt like eyes were on you two” and then “You both forgot about the statues in the hallway connected to the room”

Where did the same statues in the hallway get the blood bags from? Whose blood were they drinking if reader’s is the only blood that turns the statues back? Or is it any human’s blood and they don’t have to have a direct relation to the mages who turned them into statues? And how are they drinking in the first place if they were statues only 10 minutes ago?

How did they know reader was a descendant of the same people who turned them into statues? Is there like a sign that she is? Were they keeping tabs on their captures? If so, how was that possible when they were statues? 

Were there any other giants disguised as humans that left the city to live among humankind? If so, did they also discover the spell that the Shiba’s discovered, did they even share it with others?  

“Your blood dripped off Taiju’s lips and cock. This was something you never thought you’d be into as you gaze between him and the opening of your pussy while sitting up on your elbows” – hold up *re-reads* is reader bleeding from her pussy here? If yes, are we just going to gloss over the fact that Taiju has literally torn that ass up?!

“ Feel that shit,that’s me baby. All of me. You probably didn’t think it was possible for someone your size to get a belly bulge, huh? Now you know— Ooh fuck, I think I’m cummin’ baby.” – ‘someone of your size’ no way he just indirectly called us fat right here, sir… you’re in our guts rn pls have some decorum

Where do Tai’s colleagues come into this equation? Like what is their business? Are they planning something bigger, do they want to end all human life cause human mages turned them into statues? 

Also where tf are reader’s friends?! Tai got them didn’t he? DAMMIT TAI WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!

Phew, sorry for the long list hahaha, I'm super curious about this cool ass world you've built <3

Okay, thanks for reading my fic btw💕 and I’m keep it 100, all these answers are gonna be made up from the top of my head

1. Cyclopean city is a city where giants lived. Everything was bigger than most cities: stores, cars, buildings, people, transportation, etc. it’s what we could’ve considered flying cars in the future basically. It was a city with more advance technology than other cities, possibly due to your ancestors and the giants. It was a village before hand, it was a village in the A.D era. It only became buildings in the C.E era due to the performance of the giants from generations prior to Taiju’s.

2. The Giants came from your bloodline/ ancestors really. Your ancestors were witches and one of them wanted to start fresh and create something nobody could ever think of. The witch created a giant man using her own ingredients mixed with her blood. She created a 8’0 man first. She made extra precautions like making a spell to get him to speak her language, making clothes for him to wear, etc. she taught him the basic things about being human. The man had a slight problem though. Because the woman was married, they couldn’t exactly date each other , so he wished for a wife from her. The witch made a deal with him before pertaining to his wishes. The deal was if she make his perfect woman, they would not terrorize the humans amongst them. The witch then said that if he or the giant woman break the deal even with generations to come, their fate is resigned and in her or the generation after her hands. Afterwards, she made a bounding spell to exclude them from the land of the humans, kinda like an identical village but more larger . Your ancestor was a powerful ass witch, I’ll tell you that.

3. The woman that turned them into statues took the power of her/your ancestors and made the cyclopeans feel her wrath. Half of the race got whipped out, all because Taiju’s generation had to terrorize the humans, even got her best friend involved. She was Taiju’s lover and knew what was gonna happen considering that he was ruthless himself. She didn’t want to put down the cyclopean race but she had no other choice especially when her best fiend and a few other innocent humans were killed in the giant’s gang war. The main people of terriozing humans were Taiju’s gang, Mikey’s gang, and Izana’s gang. Then three stayed at war with each other and dragged the humans in it, the humans were 7 miles away from the cyclopean city. They were bound to be involved. The witch had to uphold the end of the deal and she made a spell to sweeps out half of the giant race while leaving the other half as statues due to the kindness of her heart. She didn’t want Taiju to die because he was her lover, so before their final battle she met with Taiju just to turn him into a statue a few mins from where the fight was, which was in his mansion. Afterwards, she turned every last one of them into a statue.

4. We are here because your friends wanted to visit the famous cyclopean city. Yuzuha had a big part in why your best friend wanted to visit because she compelled her and manipulated her into persuading you to come. It was all apart of Taiju’s plan. Your blood is powerful due to your bloodline. They needed you in cyclopean city. And if you wanted to know if we know about our ancestry, we didn’t care enough to know what our ancestors did and we didn’t care or believe in witches. It came back to bite us in the ass though.

5. Yuzuha motive is to get you to cyclopean city for two purposes. One: they needed to find the doppelgänger of Taiju’s lover and two: they needed the smell or taste of your blood in order to turn back human. The witch that designed the deal made y’all blood undo the deal when needed. She created giants with her blood so why not undo their deaths with her/ your blood too. You were the descendant of the witch who created them and you were the descendent and doppelgänger of Taiju’s lover, the one who happen to wipe out their race and turn them into statues.

6. I think she wanted the readers trust before she got blood from her. She wanted her to see the real her so you wouldn’t be surprised when you finally got to meet Taiju. She can use her compulsion and strength in human and giant form, so basically it isn’t limited

7. Ah statue Taiju is two blocks away from his mansion, the landscape he’s on is full of grass, so basically he’s in a field. It was filled with flowers but now they’re dead and gone. He’s surrounded by abandoned grass and flowers while being two blocks away from his home.

8. She doesn’t use compulsion because she could hear her heart beat and it will go up if she’s lying, plus I think she’s too enticed by seeing her brothers lover/ her secret admirer face again that she automatically thinks she can trust her

9. I don’t know much about magic systems but I do know there’s giants and witches in this, so yeah. They actually found a witch to do the spell in place of her ring, it’s just a random using the l/n spell book.

10. They moved out of the city as soon as the random witch casted the spell into their rings to turn them into human form. They were about 300 years old in vampire years but 15 in human years. She and Hakkai had a few lovers and friends over the years. This all was possible because your doppelgänger spared Yuzuha and Hakkai due to them being the family of her lover and because she wanted them to be free while suffering on the inside.

11. Yes, Yuzuha lied about him being dead😭

12. The mansion isn’t that big. The living room, dinning room, and his room are all one. It’s like little steps you go up to get to his bed and on the side of his bed is the chair. It’s the entrance and then a long hallway. On the sides of the hallways is the furniture for a living and dining room. Then there’s his five steps that lead to his room. Hope that clears it up for you.

13. When he bit you, the smell of your blood can cause there statues to disappear like a snap of a finger. It doesn’t break, it just disappears from their skin, well the steel dissappears. They are drinking regular blood bags now and that’s how they get all of their energy back. They sued their speed ability to get blood bags from Yuzuha’s cooler. Y’all blood only turns them back human.

14. She looks exactly like the witch Taiju was in love with. Who they all were secretly fighting over too.

15. No, there wasn’t any other giants that left the city because she only spared them two and them two only.

16. Yes but only for a little bit, you’re supposed to be discovering that you’re a masochist here but in reality you’re just too dumb over the dick to care so yeah gloss over that for me😭

17. He meant in a way that you could take it and belly bulges are not usual for fat/chubby/ plus size women so that’s probably why he says that. He knows you are surprised because it never happened before🤣

18. They all planned to get you to turn them back human, only until they recognized your face as you came into the mansion walking past them. Now they’re intrigued.

19. Yes the reader friends are passed out in the basement chained to a wall. You will have to compel them to forget about you and your existence when you wake up and activate your vampire powers

I actually had fun answering these questions but all in all, I wrote this for fun and it’s a lot of loopholes but now if you want to know something just come here to this post. If you’re still confused just let me know. These answers came out of my head right here and now😭😊

[grapeapplejam]

A Disqualified Jockey's Story - Andrew Barton Paterson

You see, the thing was this way -- there was me,

That rode Panopply, the Splendor mare,

And Ikey Chambers on the Iron Dook,

And Smith, the half-caste rider on Regret,

And that long bloke from Wagga -- him that rode

Veronikew, the Snowy River horse.

Well, none of them had chances -- not a chance

Among the lot, unless the rest fell dead

Or wasn't trying -- for a blind man's dog

Could see Enchantress was a certain cop,

And all the books was layin' six to four.

They brought her out to show our lot the road,

Or so they said: but, then Gord's truth! you know,

You can believe 'em, though they took an oath

On forty Bibles that they's tell the truth.

But anyhow, an amateur was up

On this Enchantress; and so Ike and me,

We thought that we might frighten him a bit

By asking if he minded riding rough --

"Oh, not at all," says he, "oh, not at all!

I heard at Robbo Park, and if it comes

To bumping I'm your Moses! Strike me blue!"

Says he, "I'll bump you over either rail,

The inside rail or outside -- which you choose

Is good enough for me" -- which settled Ike.

For he was shaky since he near got killed

From being sent a buster on the rail,

When some chap bumped his horse and fetched him down

At Stony Bridge; so Ikey thought it best

To leave this bloke alone, and I agreed.

So all the books was layin' six to four

Against the favourite, and the amateur

Was walking this Enchantress up and down,

And me and Smithy backed him; for we thought

We might as well get something for ourselves,

Because we knew our horses couldn't win.

But Ikey wouldn't back him for a bob;

Because he said he reckoned he was stiff,

And all the books was layin' six to four.

Well, anyhow, before the start the news

Got around that this here amateur was stiff,

And our good stuff was blued, and all the books

Was in it, and the prices lengthened out,

And every book was bustin' of his throat,

And layin' five to one the favourite.

So there was we that couldn't win ourselves,

And this here amateur that wouldn't try,

And all the books was layin' five to one.

So Smithy says to me, "You take a hold

Of that there moke of yours, and round the turn

Come up behind Enchantress with the whip

And let her have it; that long bloke and me

Will wait ahead, and when she comes to us

We'll pass her on and belt her down the straight,

And Ikey'll flog her home -- because his boss

Is judge and steward and the Lord knows what,

And so he won't be touched; and, as for us,

We'll swear we only hit her by mistake!"

And all the books was layin' five to one.

Well, off we went, and comin' to the turn

I saw the amateur was holdinig back

And poking into every hole he could

To get her blocked; and so I pulled behind

And drew the whip and dropped it on the mare.

I let her have it twice, and then she shot

Ahead of me, and Smithy opened out

And let her up beside him on the rails,

And kept her there a-beltin' her like smoke

Until she struggled past him, pullin' hard,

And came to Ike; but Ikey drew his whip

And hit her on the nose, and sent her back

And won the race himself -- for, after all,

It seems he had a fiver on The Dook

And never told us -- so our stuff was lost.

And then they had us up for ridin' foul,

And warned us off the tracks for twelve months each

To get our livin' any way we could;

But Ikey wasn't touched, because his boss

Was judge and steward and the Lord knows what.

But Mister -- if you'll lend us half-a-crown,

I know three certain winners at the Park --

Three certain cops as no one knows but me;

And -- thank you, Mister, come an' have a beer

(I always like a beer about this time) . . .

Well, so long, Mister, till we meet again.

Shared Via English Poems Android App. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=in.banaka.mohit.englishpoems http://onelink.to/pjayq5

[lepusrufus]

I adore your art! Do you have any Cassandra/Tobias headcanons (can be for your Werewolf AU or for canon)? Your fanart of their younger selves with Cassandra complaining about her mom has single handedly made me ship them.

Oho I haven't done hcs in a while and I just love me some wholesome emotional support brits, so here goes (these are mostly just hcs that I have in my own fics or stuff I kinda gathered by being a nerd and watching their scenes too much) (also buckle up cause you opened the floodgates for all the feelsies I have on them):

They met relatively young because similarly to Jayce, Tobias was backed by the Kirammans

Tobias drinks his respect women juice and Cassandra looked at that adorable face and went yeah that one

They used to go on hunting trips together quite a bit, which is when Cassandra got injured that one time

He never lets her live it down

Cassandra’s mom is an asshole in every universe and she absolutely did not approve of Tobias, which gained her the biggest fuck you of the century from Cassandra

I feel like Cassandra may not have cared that much about marrying with someone with a really high position or smt (watch s2 disprove me on this lmao). I mean she already has a guaranteed seat among Piltover’s leaders and is the head of one of the richest families there, what else can you want.

Going against the general consensus here and saying Tobias is not a doctor, BUT he has medical training

Tbh the only piece of canon we have about his job is the lol lore that says he's an artificer, so I'm going with that.

Specifically he likes to tinker with weapons and he's the one that made and designed Caitlyn's rifle

Also Caitlyn’s grandma did not approve of her love for shooting in the slightest which actually made Cassandra double down and go "here sweetie have a rifle", to Tobias' utter delight

(It came to bite her in the ass later on but oh well)

Ik a lot of ppl ship them (galaxy brain tbh) but I really like the idea that Grayson was always a good friend of theirs, so despite it all, part of them is happy that she ended up someone their daughter looked up to

Tobias calls Cassandra "Cassie" I take no criticism

Ik I mentioned this, but each Kiramman has their own hunting dog, named after firearms in true nerd fashion. Sniper and Revolver are Caitlyn and Cassandra’s and are the same breed, while Shottie is Tobias' baby and is more of a retriever for hunting waterfowl

They are not homophobic I will take this hc and rip it with my teet- mmmmm everyone is entitled to their hcs everyone is entitled to their hcs everyone is-

I feel like ppl exaggerate the "fun dad strict mom" dynamic a little. I mean if you remember Tobias was the first to want to drop Jayce after the lab blew up while Cassandra was actually more lenient. What I'm saying is, they're probably on the same page a lot more than we think.

They're pretty classist tho let's not gloss over that. *taps watch* fix that. Have you guys seen your future daughter in law??

Speaking of which, after some initial bumps the Kirammans would absolutely adore Vi and you can take this from my cold dead hands

Tobias and Vi would just vibe while their respective wives are bickering about whatever competitive shit they got into. "Should we uh... intervene?" "Oh no darling I quite enjoy living."

Apparently Tobias smokes

Tobias and Caitlyn have matching silly top hats

Vi's first mistake was letting their tailor get her measurements. The Kirammans really like their fancy clothes and their daughter's partner has to match.

Also the Kirammans like to take some family pictures every time they go to the winter estate for hunting season

The first time Vi was with them she was all "aight imma let you to it" to which Cassandra responded rather miffed that they didn't bring along like five of her suits just for her not to be in the photos, now go on and get changed

Caitlyn was both endeared and trying not to laugh her ass off

Ok this got a little long but thanks for opening pandora's box nonnie. I could do a part 2 of the Paranormal AU version if you guys are curious (while jumping through fifty loops to avoid spoilers lol)

[u-look-beautiful-today]

Hi! Since the recent epiaode and Hunter basically being part of the owl house squad, think you could add him into your among us au??? Ik its an old au but I MISS IT PLEASE I BEG

Ya'know, I miss the among us au as well. But it's so old and pretty sure it's dead. I don't think I can revive an old thing.

...but if I DID, it go like this

One day during flyer durby practice

The gang is discussing murder

And imposters and tasks

Hunter is both confused and intrigued

"I also love murder and tasks!"

He then says some fucked up shit Belows had him do

Willow just puts a hand on his shoulder

Gus muttering: "someone get this boy some therapy"

Skara and Willow explain Among Us

Willow then invites him to play

Took the poor boy forever to get it all set up and figure out how discord works and what a 'mic' was

Once gameplay starts

It's Skara 2.0 all over again

But somehow, worse

"Hunter called a meeting, what's up?"

"...a meeting? Oh! What are we discussing? I didn't know we had anything scheduled today"

"I-"

He has to constantly message Willow about how to do tasks

He will unmute to ask everyone questions

He also doesn't understand that he just can't kill when he wants

But once he gets the hang of it

It goes more smoothly

As crewmate

He does very well!

Tasks, oh does he love them

He will fly through them

Become hyperfocus

He does not give a FUCK about reporting

Dead body on card swipe?

Who cares! Tasks first

During discussions he doesn't make any accusations

Unless

He has solid evidence

No need to clog a discussion up with nonsense

Now imposter?

He loves to torment

Lock you in a secluded room

Vents in

And will taunt you

Chase you round the room

Slice you up and vent away

Or he'll just stay in the room

Playing up his "I have tasks to do, not my fault they were an idiot and died"

The first time he played as imposter

He didn't know he was the imposter

He just thought his name was red because he is the best

Ran through those tasks

And ratted out his duo partner

"It's Viney. She killed right in front of me!"

"I-"

"I mean honestly! That was kinda of a stupid move there"

"Hunter. Is your name in red?"

"Yes"

"And you see MY name is in red?"

"Well duh"

"That means, we, are, PARTNERS! YOU'RE AN IMPOSTER TOO"

"...it wasn't Viney"

His favorite duo partner is either Gus or Willow

He likes that Willow is ruthless

He also likes Gus' careful approach

He does have a bad tail tho when it comes to Willow

If they are partners

He will cover for her at all times

"Well me and WILLOW were doing our tasks on the OPPOSITE end of the map. Yup, Willow is totally clear of this murder"

"...no one said anything Hunter"

Hunter never got to have anything normal

And this game probably isn't normal either

But he enjoys every second he gets to spend yelling at his friends through mic

Darius however, could do without them playing until 3 in the fucking morning

But he also appreciates hearing Hunter's laughter and getting to just be a kid

I doubt anyone reads these anymore, but after that heartbreaking finale, it feels nice to put out something light hearted.

[gellavonhamster]

in the bleak midwinter*: an asoue/atwq peaky blinders au concept

...also known as the idea that’s been living in my brain for what must be a couple of years now; I have reconciled myself with the fact that I will never write this fic because I simply do not have enough patience to think it out and write it down in the way that would give it justice, so here’s a plot bunny or something.

This is basically the Sugar Bowl Generation of VFD (still young, before kids and all) meets All The Wrong Questions (some of the events + some of the kid characters of ATWQ as adults) meets season one of Peaky Blinders, but I guess it could be read and understood without the knowledge of the latter simply as an organized crime AU.

It’s the beginning of the interwar period, and VFD is a gang. Which, yes, would require a certain amount of OOC of the characters, though I imagine their intimidation tactics would still avoid too much bloodshed. They deal with bookmaking, contraband, and sometimes art forgery because even this version of VFD has to have something sophisticated about it. There’s a number of places, such as bars and clubs, that pay them for protection, and there’s also a number of places they own, such as the Hotel Denouement with the Denouement brothers in charge and the nightclub ran by Ramona Browning**, alias the Duchess (her father was some kind of aristocracy, see, too aristocratic to ever truly acknowledge her). They use their influence to become the informal rulers of their part of the City. They claim to strive for power to make the City a better place, and these are not just words - they do donate money to schools and libraries, for example - but it’s not like they don’t enjoy being in power, and their rule is still based on crime, those who threaten it being eliminated swiftly. 

The Snickets are the Shelby family of this AU, of course. Lemony is Tommy - the mastermind, already a legend of sorts despite being the youngest, plagued by the horrors of war - but still hoping for the best, strange as it seems, because he’s still Lemony. Jacques is Arthur, the fighter suffering from PTSD. Kit is Ada, but she’s also Aunt Polly - she’s the one who ran the business while the boys were in the army. 

Now, season one introduced Grace Burgess as an undercover police informant spying on the Peaky Blinders.

Enter Ellington Feint.

Ellington’s father, the only family she has left, has been kidnapped by a gang called the Inhumane Society, and she’d do anything and everything to save him. So she agrees to infiltrate VFD, their rival gang, to find out the whereabouts of a shipment of weapons that was meant for the Society but was accidentally stolen by VFD. Apart from machine guns and shells, the shipment includes some “statue of a sea beast”, and no one cares to provide more explanations to Ellington about it, but apparently it is the most important part of that cargo. So Ellington takes on the position of a barmaid in The Black Cat Bar, one of the places that pay VFD for protection and the one frequented by its key members, and starts listening and watching.

Ellington needs to get close to the Snickets, because if anyone knows where the weapons are, it’s them. Steward Mitchum, the corrupt cop on the Society’s payroll whom she is to meet from time to time at the Natural History Museum (which she used to attend with her father) to pass on the information, suggests she should seduce one of the Snicket brothers. The problem is, Ellington has a chance to learn very soon that Jacques doesn’t know much about the stolen cargo, and Lemony is too taken with his girlfriend, the music hall singer Beatrice Baudelaire, to even look at any other woman. There’s no getting between them, even though it seems Beatrice also has something going on with VFD’s bookkeeper Bertrand Markson, and Lemony seems aware of it. 

So Ellington decides to approach Kit instead. Kit, who seems so lonely - Ellington doesn’t know the details, but there was some serious falling-out between her and her ex-boyfriend, who has since left the City (and won’t appear in this story. Olaf is the problem for the hypothetical season two of this imaginary show). Ellington doesn’t plan on anything other than a very close friendship - yet, the closer they become, the more she understands that she is attracted to Kit.

(There certainly is a variant of the “I warn you, I’ll break your heart” - “Already broken” scene in which Ellington sings to Kit)

Anyway. Things progress, and they fall in love. Well, Kit seems to have fallen in love, and Ellington keeps trying to persuade herself that she hasn’t, because Kit has to remain nothing but a task for her.

The location of the stolen weapons, however, still remains a mystery, even though Ellington once hears Kit and Lemony discuss it. Whatever the statue is, Lemony seems to believe it has great powers, and Kit seems to believe it’s nothing but folklore. Lemony tells her of the stories of a mysterious sea animal (or spirit, or whatever it may be) he heard from other soldiers during the war, about what Widdershins heard during his time in the navy. Kit tells him that everyone is a believer in a foxhole, and that she loves W like her own kin but he’s a bragging idiot. There was nothing on the sea other than enemy ships.

Elllington’s mission is complicated by Lemony clearly not trusting her. He tells her it’s because his sister has been hurt before, but she suspects it’s more than that. He even admits that he had his people make enquiries in Paltryville, the town she claims to have come from, and found out that no Ellington Feint ever lived there. When he suggests her secrecy is due to a child born out of marriage, she is eager to confirm that. (Cue him asking her if she’s read Les Misérables - yeah, even this version of VFD would be literature nerds, how can it be otherwise - because this whole situation reminds him of Fantine, and her lying that she hasn’t and thinking that she’s more of a Javert at the barricade, really).

Then there’s a masquerade party at the Duchess’s club, and Kit takes Ellington there as her date. (Which is okay, because if there’s any place in the City where a woman dancing with another woman or a man dancing with another man would not be looked at askance, it’s the Duchess’s club. If I was actually writing a fic, there would definitely be a scene in which Ellington observes Beatrice asking Bertrand to dance with her and Bertrand trying to decline by telling her that, since he didn’t have time to procure a mask, he shouldn’t be on the dancefloor at all, and then Lemony approaches him with a spare mask in hand and encourages him to dance with Beatrice and puts the mask on Bertrand himself and it somehow looks so intimate as if he’s undressing him and Ellington’s like “Oh, so it’s like that with them. This is probably of no use to me but still, good to know”). 

When Kit disappears at some point, Ellington follows her quietly and eavesdrops on her conversation with one of the Denouements. He tells her that his brother is all right and sends his regards. Later at the party, however, Ellington sees two Denouements. Why would one of them send the other’s regards to Kit if they’re all in the same room? A couple of drinks with the already tipsy Olivia (officially a fortune-teller, but who knows what purposes VFD really uses her salon for?), and Ellington learns that there used to be three Denouements, actually. But the third brother, Dewey, had a conflict with one of rival gangs which nearly resulted in a war, had not Lemony agreed to dispose of Dewey. To stop that gang from going against VFD, he killed Dewey with his own hands.

Except he didn’t, Ellington thinks. Lemony must have staged Dewey’s execution, and now he’s out there very much alive. Perhaps this knowledge will come in handy.

Meanwhile, the Inhumane Society, who have other beef with VFD apart from the stolen weapons, are getting impatient. There’s a gun-fight which results in Ike Anwhistle dying and his grieving widow, Josephine, telling Lemony it is all his fault and leaving the city. (I know I said this is based on s1 only, but they’re the John and Esme Shelby of this story). And Bertrand is severely wounded. VFD needs another bookkeeper while he’s recovering, and Kit, who knows from The Black Cat’s owner Dashiell Qwerty that Ellington has also been keeping the books of the bar lately and doing it well, offers this position to her. This gives Ellington an opportunity to learn more about the asserts and resources of VFD - and a chance to discover some interesting notes scribbled next to the name of Dewey Denouement. Dewey Denouement, who is only officially dead, but still has a grave at the cemetery.

Ellington tells Stew she has an idea where the weapons and/or the statue might be hidden.

When she meets some of the members of the Inhumane Society to take them to the tomb, she is surprised to see Hangfire himself among them. She’s only seen him in passing before, this mysterious man with his face covered in bandages. They say he’s been horribly disfigured during the war. They also say he came back mad. When they’ve done some digging and unearthed, instead of a coffin, several crates of guns - and opened one of them to find a small statue of what seems like a very scary seahorse - Mitchum and Flammarion are suddenly shot down, and Lemony Snicket steps from behind a gravestone. 

He’s been following them.

Of course he didn’t believe that all Miss Feint is hiding is an illegitimate child, Lemony tells them as he’s holding Hangfire at gunpoint. He’s been doing research. In fact, the man whose grave they’ve unearthed is presently in a unique position allowing him to make research away from the City. He’s found out that Ellington Feint is the daughter of a renowned naturalist Armstrong Feint, who’s recently gone missing. And then they managed to discover something more. 

This is when Hangfire grabs a gun and points it at Lemony, and Lemony aims at Ellington instead, which for some reason stops Hangfire from shooting. 

This is also when it turns out that Lemony has also been followed, and Kit Snicket steps from behind another gravestone, pointing a gun at her brother. He keeps aiming at Ellington, wearily telling Kit she isn’t really going to shoot him. 

Kit tells him that unless he drops the gun, he’ll find out.

(When Ellington tries to speak to Kit, she just tells her to shut up. And it hurts, because Kit has stopped being just a mission a long time ago. And now she knows that Ellington’s been lying to her from the start. And she may not want Ellington to die, but she would also hardly ever forgive her. And that would be fair).

And then Hangfire tries to shoot Kit, and Ellington screams, and Kit manages to spring back, and Lemony fires at the man who tried to kill his sister, and suddenly Hangfire is bleeding out on the ground and calling out to Ellington in her father’s voice. 

That is what they’ve also found out about Hangfire, Lemony tells her as she’s kneeling beside the body, unable to bring herself to uncover his face. He sounds genuinely surprised; he thought she knew.

Kit makes him let Ellington go and tells her she doesn’t want to see her ever again. And Ellington leaves. She takes a train to some seaside town she’s never heard of before and leaves. Her job is ended. Her father is dead. Her love affair that never should have happened is in the past. She still doesn’t know why her father lied to her when he could have just asked and she would’ve done anything, why he kept up this double life, what was the significance of the statue and what it might become in the hands of someone like Lemony Snicket. She is too tired and sick of it all to try to find out.

She manages to build a life in Stain’d-by-the-Sea. She works in a coffee shop and sings there in the evenings. She never sings the song she sang to Kit again. She marries a man she doesn’t have any truly strong feelings for.

Then, a year or so later, there’s a phone call, and the voice of the woman she loved and betrayed tells her she still can’t stop thinking of her.

*This phrase used by the Peaky Blinders upon the death of one of them is replaced by “The world is quiet here”. Obviously.

**My Last Duchess, referenced in ASOUE in connection with R, is written by Robert Browning.

[transmasc-wizard]

manuscript search tag game

i was tagged by @akindofmagictoo (ty!!) and my words are strong, straight, stare, and stain. i'll be using GFW2 for this! which is slightly nerve-wracking! but oh well!

strong (fun fact! this narrator no longer actually exists and his POV will be given to tasya)

He took a sharp intake of breath. The cold was so strong it had a smell, and he knew the only reason it wasn’t snowing was because it had gone from warm autumn air to this cold snap in—well, a snap. His lungs hurt from breathing in the cold so deeply. But he felt alive, and this might be his last day. It would be if this plan failed. He began shivering more severely, teeth chattering as he pulled his coat closer around him. His legs trembled. His breath was a white fog. It still wasn’t nearly as cold as last winter had been, but it was still cold. And early. He wouldn’t have been surprised to see this weather mid-October in Lzhi. But this was Rosaflumen, and the early taste of winter surprised him. It wasn’t likely to last long, at least. That was good.

“You’re missing quite the party,” came a voice, monotone with a touch of dry sarcasm. “We’ve discussed thirty whole micro-details."

straight (yes i see the "six feet apart" in there, yes i hate it. also dimitri is the guy who doesn't exist anymore, RIP)

“How’s life been?” Oliver asked dryly, once they were standing about six feet apart. Voice saccharine sweet, he continued, “Because we’ve been great. We encountered two dragon nests, were almost eaten at least three times, trekked through dangerous jungle for six hours, were attacked by some murderous zombie dragon, were attacked by a spider that severely complicated my ability to walk, had three mental breakdowns among the four of us, and nearly died in a fucking flash flood!”

“That sounds amazing,” said Dimitri. It was quite possibly the hardest thing he’d ever done to keep a perfectly straight, sincere, positive expression on his face, especially as Oliver’s expression turned to one that signaled a longing for murder.

stare (this scene. this scene is supposed to be extremely serious)

The clearing was mostly green, with a few clumps of pink and yellow flowers, and almost perfectly circular. The trees around it grew tall and dark, perfectly pointed pines. Near the back of the clearing was a cottage, small and brown and seemingly abandoned.

And dead in the middle, surrounded by scuffed grass and dozens of bootprints, was a coffin of gold and glass.

“What the hell is that?” Angel questioned.

“It’s a potato, obviously,” said Oliver.

“I’ll kill you,” she warned. “And I have a place to put you, too.”

“No, you don’t,” said Tasya. She was the only one who’d gone close enough to the coffin to see the inside, and she now stared up at them. “It’s… occupied.”

stain/bloodstain (this was the only instance i could find, yes it's edgy as all fuck. rowan gets to be a little edgelord, she just found out a bunch of terrible traumatizing shit)

There were bloodstains on her hands that would never come off, and she didn’t want them to. She was proud of the scars she’d inflicted, the pain she’d caused, the lives she’d ruined. She was a machine, a demon, so she might as well be queen of the monsters. She’d sit on her throne of sin and sorrow, and she would be proud of it.

Because if she didn’t let herself wear her wickedness and her rage as her own crooked crowns, she wouldn’t have anything left at all.

tagging with no pressure: @cream-and-tea, @the-orangeauthor,@polyacery, and also ik i've tagged u alot but @albatris you said you like "find the word" tag games so you too.

plus anyone else who wants to!

[wheres-everyone-going-bingo]

Alright imma just throw a concept out there, good sexy orc/uruk hai reader tops Legolas. I'm just saying, if there were good boi versions 👀

Night Watch

Pairing: Legolas x Uruk Hai Male Reader

Warnings: smut

——————-

The campsite smelt foul, not only did it have the stench of orcs but it was accompanied by the smell of burning flesh of an orc who stood out of place. We had been on the trail of the fellowship for a few weeks now, finally catching up to them when they rested in a clearing in the woods. The party had split up, trying to escape, but our numbers had overpowered them. Now they sat tied to an old oak tree. I wasn’t a stranger to killing, I had done it many times. However I had done it in self defense, I didn’t see the honor in tracking down, and killing a group of people trying to better the world. I wasn’t on board with Sauron’s rule, it sounded like hell.

I stood from my seat on the ground, heading towards where we kept our food. Opening the sack I was greeted with various pieces of bread, and a few stashes of rabbit. I picked out my rations, turning to glance at the fellowship, I tried to remember the last time they had eaten. My mind came up blank. I grabbed a few extra pieces of food, making sure no other orcs saw me.

The elf noticed my approach first, he tensed up, warning the others of my presence. I gave them a smile, trying to be as comforting as possible, but judging by the smallest hobbits reaction, it didn't work.

“What do you want, orc?” The dwarf spat at me, I grimaced at the harshness in his words.

“I uh, just noticed that my tribe hasn’t fed you since your capture” I replied, revealing the food in my hands. They all eyed me with suspicion as I placed the food next to their hands.

“It’s poisoned isn’t it?” The dirtiest looking human asked, obviously not seeing my good intent.

“Look, I know that I’m an orc, it’s obvious. However I would appreciate it if you thought to yourself that maybe all of us aren’t bad. It’s impossible to have an entire race with rational thought, and for all of them to be evil, some of us think for ourselves” I spoke to them, desperately trying to get my point across. They stared at me, watching my every move with caution. I sighed, noticing their stubborn distrust in me. “Fine, I see you don’t trust me, but you either die of ‘poison’ or starvation” I muttered, walking away from the group.

“He does have a fair point” Boromir offered, picking up his food to examine it.

“I’ll try it” Legolas spoke up, willing to put his life on the line for his friends. Legolas brought the bread to his mouth, taking a small bite. Everyone looked at him intently, waiting for him to drop dead or something. He then took another bite, not realising how hungry he was until now.

“It is settled then, we shall eat” Aragorn said, taking a bite of his food. The fellowship watched the strange orc intently for the rest of the night, noting how he kept to himself.

The sun rose along with the orc warriors. However this morning was more chaotic than usual, a fight had broken out among the tribes. The Snaga had gotten out of line and questioned my people, resulting in a massive fight. I made sure to stay hidden, not wanting to get involved in the bloodshed. I noticed a gangly Snaga creeping towards two of the hobbits, licking his lips as he drew his knife.

“Please don’t eat us!” Pippin pleaded, eyes wide at the rusty blade in the orc’s hand

“Yeah! We’re only skin and bone!” Merry added, as the rest of the party struggled against their restraints, trying to save the pair. The orc raised his knife, ready to stab Merry. He let out a horrible squeal as blood rushed from a stump where his hand used to be. Everyone’s eyes turned to me as I held my sword, now stained with the Snaga’s blood.

“You! You cut off my hand!” He snarled in fury, clutching the stump close to his chest.

“Yes, now run away before you lose your head too” I warned, pointing my sword at him, he took the hint and scurried off in fear. “Are you okay?” I asked the hobbit, scanning him with my eyes to make sure he wasn’t wounded.

“I, uh, yes, I think so” He responded, mouth agape. I nodded, kneeling down, bringing out my knife to cut the rope that was tying them to the tree. The rope gave up, falling to the ground in pieces.

“You should go, while everyone is distracted” I advised them, handing them their stuff. The group got to their feet, taking all of their stuff and equipping it. They started to walk away quietly until one of them stopped, turning to me.

“What about you? Surely they’ll kill you” Legolas questioned, worried about my well being

“They most likely will, yes, but I’m okay with that” I smiled at him, walking back towards camp.

“Wait!” I felt a hand on my arm “Come with us? We could use someone of your strength and you know the enemies plan” Legolas pleaded with me, not letting go of my arm

“We are not allowing him to come with us!” Boromir exclaimed, looking shocked at the very idea

“Are you daft, elf? He’s an orc! He’ll kill us” Gimli tried to reason, not forgetting what terrible things orcs had done to his bloodline.

“They don’t want me to come, majority rules” I smiled at the elf, grateful for his concern, however his grip only tightened.

“You do not have to come with us all the way, but please, come with us, come with me” He begged, I sighed, nodding my head, knowing that he was too stubborn and every second more we spent at the camp, would put them in even more danger.

--------------------

It had been a few weeks since that day at the camp. The group, especially the dwarf, did not trust me at all at first but had slowly begun to warm up to me. The hobbits had shown their thankfulness of my rescue by putting together a cheerful song about ‘the orc with a heart of gold’. Although Legolas was not like the other party members. He did not engage in friendly sparring but instead rested his head on my lap when he found it hard to sleep, something about him was different.

I was supposed to be on watch tonight, but the others, besides Legolas and the hobbits, didn’t trust me to watch over their sleeping bodies, so they had Legolas stay up with me. We were discussing beautiful landscapes that we had come across in our travels, he had a lot more examples as Mirkwood was a lot prettier than Mordor.

“I love hearing you talk” I told him “You just have so many good stories, sounds much better than being an orc in Mordor”

“You know when this is all over, you can come live with me in Mirkwood” He offered, I scoffed at the idea

“An orc? In Mirkwood? I’d be killed on the spot”

“I won’t let that happen, I don’t care if my father disowns me and I’m banned from Mirkwood, I’m not going to let you go back to that life” He turned to me, his face dead serious. I grinned to myself, glad that he cared for me. “It’d be great, we could get a house together, I’d introduce you to elven traditions and foods, and we could even share a bed” He said the last bit quieter than the rest.

“You want to share a bed?” I asked, meeting his gaze.

“If you, uh, I mean, if you wanted to” He tumbled over his words, his face heating up.

“I’d like that” I told him, finding his embarrassed state very cute.

“What else would you like?” Legolas pried, leaning closer to my body

“A nice meal, to not be so cold, and avo have ukex wiavh lat” I admitted, saying the last part in orcish. Legolas tilted his head, not understanding orcish.

“What’s that last part mean?”

“avo have ukex wiavh lat translates to ‘to have sex with you’” I looked away, my turn to be embarassed. I heard Legolas chuckle next to me

“You’re not very subtle” He joked “But as long as we’re quiet we don’t have to wait for that” He whispered to me. I smirked, iking where this was going. Legolas crawled onto my lap, steadying himself by putting his hands on my shoulders. He rolled his hips, pressing down on me. I let out a primal snarl as I grabbed onto Legolas’ hips.

I pressed my lips against Legolas’ my tusks getting in the way slightly. I trailed my mouth down Legolas’ neck, biting at his smooth skin with my teeth. He gasped as I found his sensitive spot, quickly biting down on his knuckle, trying to keep quiet. My hands tugged at his pants, desperate to remove them. Legolas lifted himself off of me slightly, pulling his pants down.

I wrapped my rough hand around Legolas’ cock, giving it a few pumps as he bit down on his knuckles harder.

“Oh, please, take your pants off” Legolas breathed in my ear, clawing at my garment. I obeyed his request and tugged my pants down to my ankles.

Legolas put his fingers in his mouth, coating them in saliva. He started to push them in and out of his ass, putting on a show for me.

“I’m ready for you now” He purred in my ear, as he lined himself up with me. I let out a low guttural sound as he pushed himself down on me. He started to move, pushing himself up and down on me over and over. I couldn’t hold in my urge anymore and threw him to the ground, me on top of him.

I growled in his ear, roughly thrusting in and out of Legolas. The biting of his lips and concentration to be quiet displayed his pleasure. I started to growl and make animalistic sounds as I pounded the elf into the dirt. He started to swear in elvish nearing his release.

“Y/N, oh, I’m going to cu-“ he stuttered, losing control of his body’s movements. The feeling of Legolas’ body clenching around me was enough to push me to my orgasm. I came inside him, we pulled away from each other, looking around to make sure we woke no one up.

“Looks like we got away with it” Legolas whispered as we clothed ourselves.

“I’m glad, maybe we could do it again some time?” I offered, leading him back to the rock that we were sitting on.

“Yeah, let's do that” he smiled at me.

[phoebehalliwell]

for the autumnal ask meme:

1) your favorite of the questions to answer for yourself

and

2) just cause your headcanons are so awesome, how would you answer these questions for the Charmed Ones?

hmm okay so my favorite of these questions is probably bonfire - describe your dream house even tho i don't quite have like. a dream house per se i'd probably want something coastal tho whether that's a foggy norcal beach or a sunny socal one is debatable it's gonna be california tho lol bc i'm never leaving this space & i would want it to have a big kitchen and dining room and/or living room so i can host people over for all sorts of events i'd want big windows bc i Love Love Love natural light & ideally it would also have a vegetable garden of some kind so i can enjoy seasonal veggies but idk if i'm actually any good at gardening i had a tomato plant once and then it was stolen by like deer or rodents i don't know but it was like. nipped off where it emerged from the soil and the entire plant was missing so um. never got to see if i was actually gonna get tomatoes from that bad boy.

okay so for each of the sisters i'll answer three questions (bc im sleepy so that's all i have cognitive function for) & i'm gonna use a random generator to pick which ones 2 answer

prue frost - if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say? i mean tbh. like there’s a lot that could be said to like properly arm yourself for the future like you’re a witch or study the craft or save andy or even just like cherish moments while you’ve got them b you’ll die young but like. tbh. just like. they’re your sisters. you’re not their mother. and i know you think the world rests on your shoulders, but just like. like they’re your sisters. you can all lean on each other. you don’t need to be perfect and strong all of the time in fact it just builds up a wall between you n them you’re all human (sort of) just like. stop pretending. bc it’s better for everyone to just be yourself. jack-o-lantern - if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose? shannen doherty lol. idk i don’t think prue ever really struggled with her appearance that much ik shannen had some sensitivity about her eyes but like. i don’t think that’s worth picking an entirely new body for. tbh i think prue would pass. maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did? tbh probably writing like we see multiple times prue wants to be like a photojournalism except she never really is a photojournalist she ends up like a celebrity photographer which is a very different branch that’s like arts & aesthetic while photojournalism is like. you know. journalism. so i think like giving her the arena to like really hone that skill and really amp up the journalism aspect of that rather than just like. take pretty pictures of pretty people. i think that’s something that honestly hopefully we would have gotten to see prue pursue had she lived.

piper maize - share the weirdest encounter you’ve had with a stranger on the street. god um. off the top of my head? that time phoebe was a lounge psychic piper was yelling at her then some guy showed up well turns out that guy was dead and a ghost and needed a witches help and then they fell in love. that’d probably be it. amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have. oh this is interesting. idk what really unpopular opinions piper might have. there’s probably some cooking things like idk always beat your egg whites before folding them into waffle batter and probably some witch things like you don’t really need to cleanse ur space before casting a spell just throw an herb into a bucket and start yelling and that’ll do the trick. but as far as like. unpopular opinions that can just be shared among the masses. probably that romance movies/books/media is greatly overlooked and trivialized as a woman’s genre when really they’re endearing powerful stories that hold universal truths and to try to reduce them as the same reductive boy meets girl they fall in love blah blah blah is so moronic bc they’re so much more than that. cobweb - (if you’ve graduated) do you miss high school? hahaha nooooo we have canon for that and the answer is absolutely not

phoebe orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn. hmm that’s interesting i wonder if this should be like. autumn 2021 where like. phoebe’s a mom of three like. middle schoolers? high schoolers maybe?? bc in that case it’s probably just like. kill it before it dies movie night with the family, as per halloween tradition, & they all maybe like popcorn balls or caramel apples all that. however like in show n stuff if we’re in the early aughts i’m sure phoebe always really wanted to do kind of like an ancestral something something to pass wisdom through the generations bc you know as previously stated on halloween the veil between worlds thins like. let’s get some warren witches up in this bitch amirite? cocoa - if you could have any type of hair, what colour and cut would you have? haha what type of hair hasn’t phoebe had? i guess not red. or like a really light blonde. or an unnatural color tbh i’d love to see her with a jewel tone hair i think that could be really fun not like one solid color throughout but with the highlights the lowlights the full nine yards spend all day in the chair type thing. i think that’d be fun. pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad? inherently good <3. and if they’re shitbags she Will murder them #isaywekillcalgreene

paige quilt - how do you take your tea (or coffee)? hmm i don’t think we actually got canon for this i think paige loads up her tea with cream & sugar but drinks her coffee black. fog - how well do you think you’d do in a zombie apocalypse scenario? insanely well. i mean. she deals with the apocalypse about damn near every other month she’s used to these high pressure situation also good luck biting people when i orb your teeth right out your damn mouth <3 spice - have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted? yes lol. i mean the clay dude’s house in s4. but i think because of her latent whitelighter half she can kind of hear “hear” like sense calls of distress whether than be from actual people or just from the spirits that remain and um in her line of work she’s definitely encountered at least a couple true to form haunted houses (hell, sometimes that haunted house is in fact the halliwell manor)

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Blood, tears and sea breeze

Warnings: ANGST, mental health issues, graphic depictions of violence, blood, cursing, mentions of sexual assault, mentions of sex, substance abuse.

Summary: The not so peaceful town of Broadchurch face dead again, while Alec Hardy continues his journey to redemption will this school teacher be the key to solve the mystery or just another victim of the ever watching evilness that seems to reside in the town.

Notes: My OC Derek Ramos is basically Anthony Ramos (Hamilton) I love him, he is cute and sexy and so freaking talented, and I frankly just wanted to write a story about him, but the In the Heights movie won't be happening any time soon, so I settled for this.

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Chapter 16: Inappropriate

Common sense and logical thinking, as Doctor Florence used to say when you were just a kid, whenever you felt ike you were losing control you needed to found the logical thing to do, and that would calm your anxiety before you have an episode, and usually it worked, most of the time anyway.

What was the logical thing to do now? None of the actions you have been taking the last weeks were logical, and common sense was urging you to stand up and run away from him, but the soft touch of his hands on the small of your back and the warm breath of his mouth were proving to be more calming than any rational thinking.

His lips felt soft on yours and maybe also scared, but he had no hesitation and you have seen the quiet need in his eyes, and you could almost cry since this was the first time in weeks since someone had kissed you, and sadly the first time in months since someone had that actual desire and need on his eyes before kissing you, he doubted for a second the moment you start returning the kiss with the hunger and longing for physical contact that had been denied to you; but he kept you close to him enough for you to feel his heart beating hard and fast on his chest, and you were desperate to know how would it feel under his shirt.

His touch became tighter on your waist and your body was moving on it's own trying to climb on his lap obeying some muscular memory on how familiar it felt, not like they were similar in any way, but he gave you the safe feeling He used to provoke on you, and you finally open your eyes... for a moment you were convinced that a pair of playful blue eyes will receive you with a cheeky grin, but instead there were those sad brown eyes darkened with desire, and logical thinking choose the worst possible moment to start working again.

You broke contact immediately, and felt a little hurt that he didn't tried to stop you when you muttered a little "I'm sorry" and run straight to his room closing thee door behind you and finally letting the tears consume you.

Jonathan's memory deserved better than this reckless and selfish behavior, and Detective Hardy deserved a free woman, free from all the horrors in your past, free from a dead fiance whom you still loved deeply, and free from all the problems you tended to cause. Also you were not entirely sure but it seems like he and Detective Miller had a thing going, and you would never get in between two people, it was a harmful and indecent thing to do specially to people who were as nice and considerate as them.

You could hear him pacing on the hallway outside the door and you wanted to get outside and tell him how much you really wanted to kiss him and maybe more, but you were broken at the moment and how bad idea it was, you wanted to tell him desperately how much you enjoyed kissing him, how his lips bring you back to life and how for a moment all the sadness disappeared, and how much you appreciate all the things he have done for you, and how you bring sadness and trouble to anyone around you so you have to walk away from him before you drag him to your darkness and ruin his life.

Because for god sake Y/N! Your mind told you once he stopped and turned off the light of the hallway, you were a fucking witness/ suspect on a murder case, his bloody career will be in the trash if someone knew that he did as much as looking at you as something more.

No, this was better, you could hide there at least until he left for work the next day and after that... well you will figure it out once the sun were up. You sitted on the bed trying to take Jonathan's disappointed and hurt face away from your thoughts, but two hours later when Daze entered the house you were still awake, ot wasn't until after 4:00 am that the fatigue defeated you and finally closed your eyes.

***

Olly Stevens was waiting outside Ashley Langford's La Boheme deli, holding a tray with two cups of coffee, and saw detective Harford approach him in civilian clothes she pointed to an empty table in the terrace and he followed her.

"Detective, you look as gorgeous as usual, may I offer you a coffee" He said again with exaggerate reverence but before the woman could roll her eyes at him a strong hand took the tray off his hand and gave Harford one of the drinks and took the other for him.

"Oh that's really considerate from you sir" a handsome man with short curly hair and sweet and compassionate eyes sitted next to Katie and offered him his hand. "I'm DC Ramos, you can call me Derek"

"Hi Detective, I'm Olly Stevens, I'm the Broadchurch Eco editor, how can I help you?" Harford smile to his inside since Stevens would act professionally now that other man was in the scene, I was completely ridiculous and insulting, but she had to admit that Ramos had potential and she secretly wanted to spend some more time with him.

"Did you found what I asked you?" She said once he put out a couple folders.

"It wasn't easy, I had to promise a janitor a two page story on how unfair their working conditions are" he said giving her what seemed to be photocopies of a C. Langford medical record.

"And they don't have unfair working conditions?" Harford asked.

"They do, but that doesn't sell newspapers" he said and have her a wink that was received by a dead glare. "Anyway here are the old newspapers you asked for" He said giving a voluminous binder that detective Ramos took. "Now what can you tell me about Jonathan Norbury's case, anything interesting?"

"Absolutely nothing, but we appreciate your collaboration, and once we have something that would sell newspapers you'll be the first to know" Detective Ramos said with a bright smile and Olly couldn't hide the disappointment on his face and after some more small talk he left them alone.

"Did you get the old records that I asked you?" She said once they were on her car.

"I did, they are not digital so is a lot of paperwork he said pointing at a voluminous box in the back "Is gonna take us forever Katie"

"Us? They are not paying us for this you know? I mean you don't have to be here" she said and his eyes went sad for a second and she feared he felt unwelcome when she was actually delighted that he wanted to help.

"Well I know that the files came from a shady reporter, I can't leave you alone now" He said hopefully and she put a serious face for a moment.

"Fine, but I can't take work home, my apartment is tiny and they are renovating the ceiling so is a lot of noise"

"Well you can come to my place, I mean if you want to" he said nervously, and she found him endearing.

"Sure, we can order take out if this gets too long" He smiled with that happiness that reach his eyes and gave her the address so they would start search on Charles Langford's past.

***

"I'm going to beat that bastard" Father Coats said loudly causing a few of the penitent in the church to look at the confession booth.

"Seal of confession father" You said and you could guess the way he was brushing his hair to the back of his head as he used to when he was nervous or angry, or in this case both.

"That only works if I didn't knew who you are" He said sarcastically, since he would have recognized your voice in any place.

"Well then pretend you don't, or better yet, talk to me as my friend" you said to him in the stubborn tone you knew drive him insane.

"If this was a talk among friends I could actually have a word with detective Hardy" He said and you rolled your eyes angry because he was right.

"Well then father, tell me if I'm burning in hell for being a loose woman" you said after a while.

"No more than him" He started and you knew he was joking, was that allowed? For him to make jokes in there? "I can only absolve you if you feel repented, but something tells me you don't, and if that is the case I think there is not such thing as a sin, is terribly inappropriate, and I'm sure if you choose to continue with this you would be jeopardizing Jonathan's murder investigation" He said after thinking throughly the situation.

"Well we wouldn't be the only ones misbehaving right?" You said and you could swear you felt the color rising to his face.

"We are not discussing my personal life here, and there is nothing happening there for your information" He said defensive, he finish with the confession and you follow him outside where Daze was helping some children arrange some flowers for the altar.

"It looks amazing Dasy" you said and she smiled, apparently she pretended to become a teacher eventually and she was searching for opportunities to be around children.

"Thanks Y/N my dad is coming to pick us, I text him we were here" she said and your plan to avoid him fall apart.

"DI Hardy" Father Coats said once he got inside the church.

"Paul" he said with a dry tone, he look sadder than usual and you felt guilty for it. "Are you ready?"

"Can I stay longer?"Dasy said and you wish she could read your mind so she won't left you alone with him, although you hope he would say no, but for your surprise he agreed.

You didn't have time to think when you were already walking towards his car, but before you get back to be reclusive in his room yo thought at least you owe him an explanation.

"Alec I..."

"Y/N I'm sorry..." you spoke at the same time and he immediately shut up when he heard his name on your lips, you haven't call him that yet, but he didn't seem mad. "Go ahead" he said and he stop walking next to the car.

"Can I drive?" You said after a moment and for all answer he gave you his keys and you climb on the driver's seat.

The drive was silent, but relaxing somehow, you had a place in mind to go, and you were sure he knew where were you going but he seemed uneasy once you start walking up towards Danny Latimer's cliff, your pants were now damp by the grass but you didn't care.

You finally reached the top and sited on the grass looking at the ocean, he looked at you concerned but eventually he sited next to you.

"What are you sorry for?" You said finally.

"Well my behavior last night was... " He started taking off guard by the question.

"Inappropriate?" You said remembering Paul words "Well is not like I didn't wanted you to kiss me" you said and you could see relief in his face, and suddenly it was clear, he wasn't mad with you for running away but with himself for making advances on you. "He proposed here you know?" You said fighting the tears and trying to search for the right words to explain yourself.

"Did he?" He said with a cautious tone.

"Yeah, he hated being outdoors, city boy you know?" You laughed remembering Jonathan tired face when you reached the top and he finally put down the picking basket on the floor, and the pain start pressuring your chest "He bring me here because he knew I love this place"

"It's quite nice" he said and offered you a handkerchief.

"Thanks" you took it and clean your eyes smearing some lipstick on the fabric. "I keep thinking about how manny weeks are until our wedding day" You said and he looked confused "I keep questioning me if things had been different... I want to believe that if things had been different I would have ask you your name in one of your appointments with Dr. Florence, and maybe... I don't know maybe I would have postponed my wedding because I was not sure anymore..." you said elaborating the childish dreams and ideas that you told yourself to justify your actions.

"I'm sure you wouldn't have postponed it" he said not understanding where you wanted to go with this.

"Or maybe I would have married him anyway and eventually I would have cheated him with you" You said bitterly "Not like what I did was much different"

"You didn't cheat on him" He said vehemently and he didn't need to elaborate because you could imagine that by now he must know more about Jonathan life than you.

"We hadn't have sex in months and I felt like he was repulsed by me in the end... I'm not justifying him, but that's the truth, I thought that it was wedding nerves, but I was to naive apparently, you must know of course if he cheated on me" you said.

"You know I can't discuss deatails of the case..."He said but that was all the confirmation you needed.

"I know that, and if he was it doesn't make right what I did, I was just not ready to have feelings for someone else so soon, and I feel like by having them I somehow love him less... I should be the one apologizing because I wanted you to kiss me and more..."

"You don't have to apologize, I shouldn't have act upon my feelings, but I'm glad you are not offended by them" he said and you gave him a small smile.

"Why would I? You are a handsome wonderful man, and if I'm honest I feel more free next to you than I have in the last five months of my life, I just wish that maybe the timing had been different"

"I would have asked you your name" he said after a while and you nodded, it was so peaceful up there. "Maybe several months after we met, maybe too late for anything to happen"

"Now what?" You asked standing up after him.

"We go back, and we pretend this didn't happen" he said, and you agreed, logical thinking "and maybe when this over..." he started with hope in his eyes.

"Alec, could you be honest with me?" He nodded as a response "Do you think I did it?"

"I don't" he said, it wasn't a emotional declaration, it was just a fact for him, he was completely sure you didn't do it.

You look straight into his eyes and evaluate the situation, he was right that was the logical, rational, and correct thing to do, but...

"I don't want to be too late" You said and you kissed him, waiting that maybe he would be rational and reject you, but he closed his arms around your back and kissed you with the same intensity of the night before or maybe more, both of you knew this was dangerous, reckless, irresponsible and completely inappropriate, but you couldn't care less.

Tag list:

@allonsymexgirl @laciesaito @tf18unipups @dazedkrosupreme @timey-wimey-lovi @coffees-and-constellations @ladyaziraphale @acid-gurkerl

[animefighter1717]

My honest thoughts on Byleth+an analysis of Fire emblem in Smash and community reception

Hello tumblr, it’s me animefighter with a new original post. I know it’s late but I though I’d give an objective look at the inclusion of the new DLC Byleth from fire emblem 3 houses. As many of you guys know, this character hasn’t gotten the warmest welcome; especially compared to the other DLC characters, (Even Hero and Piranha Plant got warmer welcomes) I’ll even admit that I was let down by their reveal and I’m a fan for the fire emblem series.  I can’t speak for other people but for me, I wasn’t necessarily “MAD” about Byleth more disappointed and burnt out from the amount of FE reps. Maybe it’s a similar case for other people, they’re not angry nor do they hate the FE series they’re just burnt out and are expressing it in the wrong way in the heat of the moment. At least that’s how I feel. I personally would have been less disappointed if they were released either around the same time as Piranha Plant or started the second Fighter pass. 

Some positive things I can say is that the female alt, just like with Robin and Corrin is pretty cute. and their moveset is interesting and refreshing compared to half the FE reps playing nearly identical to one another. I like the variety for weapons they use for their moves and they look like they’re going to be a long range but slow powerhouse character probably on the mid-heavy side in terms of weight. The low mobility is going to be an issue for me though. Also, a lot of their moves look like they’re going to be very easily telegraphed and punishable if whiffed. I might be able to talk about them more when they come out next week and I lab with them for a bit; but I digress. 

Now let’s take a look down the rabbit hole of history of FE characters in Smash  over the years and the reception that these characters and the franchise got from this community.

Circa 2001/2002 Melee launches and fans rush to buy it and try to unlock all the characters. we get more Nintendo all stars from past and present (at the time) including old school reps like Ice climbers and Mr. Game and watch. Among the other unlockable characters we were introduced to Marth from the OG fire emblem and Roy from Binding Blade. At that point, the series was not known outside of japan at all or at least had a small niche fanbase but as far as I knew, the community more than welcomed these two with Open arms and they were widely used by many players world wide and sparked some interest in this lesser known series. ( Believe it or not, FE was not always one of Nintendo’s major players in america) But regardless, Marth and Roy were very well received in the game and the idea of more sword fighters in Smash was encouraged. (The fact that Marth in particular was  a competitively viable character also helped)

Fast forward to Brawl’s release 7 years after Melee’s and Marth Returned to the fray with a new FE rep, Ike from Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn. Roy, was unfortunately scrapped from Brawl leaving many smash fans, myself included feeling bummed out. Ike played vastly differently from Marth sporting a slower but harder hitting play style and a recovery that meant glory or death if you used it.  Also, being the first of the characters to speak English and have the most quotable taunts and win quotes won Ike his share of fans and again, swodies in smash was something that people actually wanted more of believe it or not. People also wanted more FE reps. I know, it sounds crazy nowadays, right? But that was the case. There was also a system of belief that if one character was added another would be cut. Such was the theory buzzing around during Smash 4′s development.

Now let’s look at the years 2013 and 2014 when smash 4 was announced and FE awakening was out and doing pretty well. Marth was confirmed to return and so was IKe and people were happy. next, later, FE awakening’s Robin and Lucina were comfirmed instead of the games progatonist, Chrom. This I believe is where the division of how many reps and who from this series should be in smash began to start. Many were elated about Robin’s inclusion and playstyle as well as having a female alt, Lucina’s inclusion was a divisive one at best. Some were happy about having another rep and a girl on the roster, but others were put off about her being a clone of Marth just with no tipper hitbox. nonetheless, the 2manyswords argument wasn’t wasn’t that rampant yet and people were still happy with the franchises inclusion in smash for the time being.  Still Chrom not being included hurt many FE fans and Roy being given the ax a second time was an even bigger blow that contributed to the division in both fandoms. That seemed to be alleviated when  Roy returned as DLC. the 2 many swords argument was happening but it wasn’t as bad and was more of a running gag at the time. As far as how many FE characters in smash was, 5 was a good number for the lot of the community. Things took a dive however when Corrin was announced as dlc. That’s when I feel the burnout started.  Corrin’s inclusion solidified 6 FE characters in smash and added fuel to he flame war on sword characters.

Then Ultimate was announced. Everyone is here! everyone is happy!  Right? well, yes for a little while. the clone problem was somewhat fixed with echo fighters meaning Lucina was now an echo of Marth somewhat sharing a roster spot with him. (THough the competitive side of the fanbase will say otherwise) Chrom is finally included as an echo or Roy and his reception was at most lukewarm. No real hate just an “oh, ok.” feeling. The amount of sword fighters in smash was an even bigger issue now especially since the majority of them were in deed form Fire Emblem. Dlc is one again announced and we got Joker, Hero from DQ Banjo and Kazooie, Terry Bogard and here we are today with the latest addition, Byleth aka the real fallout of the franchise in smash.

It’s true that some fans are indeed against FE as a whole and it’s saturation in the roster;with 8 reps, FE is now the 3rd most represented Franchise in smash just behind Mario with 9 (11 if you include Yoshi and Wario, 11.5 if you include DK) and Pokemon having 10 if you include the Pokemon trainers pokemon as 3 seperate characters. it’s even more of a concern when factoring nintendos other known franchises such as Kirby, Metroid Star FOx and even zelda to a degree havent gotten any new fighters from those series or other games not being given a celebration of gaming treatment like golden sun or F-zero, an arguably dead franchise at this point. and while I pesonally agree with the people who say that FE is saturating the roster, I will never justify or defend anyone who harasses Sakurai on twitter or says that he should be fired or that god forbid something bad should happen to him just because they’re feeling some type of way about a character. at the end of the day, Nintendo and the dev team made the choices they made and you’re free to be salty just don’t be an asshole. Hate them or love them, Byleth is here.

[redfoxwritesstuff]

Thorn (Loki x ofc)

Requested 11/15 by Anon to @loki-the-fox : cAn I rEqUesT mY bAbY Loki trying to convince himself that he isn’t falling for the rouge female warrior in Asgard, but ended up being saved by her in some sort of uber bad back alley brawl ((Unrealistic ik i’m sorry)) and then finally comes to terms with the fact that he fell way to hard for the beautiful warrior that should technically be jailed ((I’m sorry i’m not creative but like I love ur writing and shnuff and I uber duper super wanted to see this written by you <3<3 I LOVE YOU SM))

Well… This is awkward… I’m not @loki-the-fox but hopefully you like it just the same.

Loki x ofc, minor warning for violence, implied smut.

Summary: Young Loki ventures out of the palace into a tavern in a nearby village believing that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence where he repeatedly meets a smart mouth young woman who isn't fond of the royal family. It's hate at first sight but when she's mistaken for a whore and Loki's snide comment is matched by Blair's as she takes the last word. Loki's left to deal with the patrons who take it as a sign of weakness in the not so well loved Prince. When the fight spills outside the young Loki is no match for men who have him outnumbered he finds himself a unlikely savior and a messy scene. Perhaps he's let his station color is views as much as she had.

Thorn

Loki’s swift steps took him farther and farther into the village just outside the palace city. In the distance he could see the golden palace even now and how the sight of it made his stomach churn. His breath came out in angry huffs.

He was beyond angry. How dare they disregard him, yet again. He was smarter than Thor. He was smarter than Odin. Why could none of them see his potential? It angered him to be cast aside as if he was not good enough, as if he was nothing.

He had to get as far away from the palace as he could. It was the only way he could get some space and think clearly. It wouldn’t do him any good to scream at Odin. It wasn’t worth the punishment and he was bored of fighting with Thor.

Regardless, when Thor tired of his words he would use his fists. His elder brother was much stronger than he physically and his sorcery was still a skill he was developing. In time he hoped he would be able to hold his own or even surpass his brother’s brute strength with it.

Pushing open the doors, he took in the smoky tavern. It stank and the air was thick. It was loud and crowded. It was everything he thought he needed and he came here more and more often. There was only one seat open at the bar, regrettably near the hotheaded woman he know to be called Blair.

He hated her and her snide comments. He didn’t ask to be born royal and she could never understand the pressure and stress his title put on his shoulders. She thought he had it so damn easy but what meetings did she have to attend to? What structure was required in her day? She got to do all she wanted, when she wanted. Lucky bitch.

What Loki didn’t realize that she thought the same of him. In her eyes he thought he was so much better then her. Living the easy life in the palace and being served left and right must be nice. The royal family clearly didn’t know what it felt like to do a solid day’s labor.

Yet somehow they always seemed to end up sitting next to each other in the tavern. As she shot down gruff man after man asking to take her home. Some even offered coin for the right to claim her for a night causing Loki to scoff next to her.

“You’re not worth any more.” He snidely spoke into his mug of ale.

“And you know the going rate of bed warmers? I guess you would, how else would you get a woman into your bed.” Downing her drink, Blair tossed some coins on the bar and left.

Loki didn’t even have a chance to bite back and she was gone. He’d never been so thankful for a woman to leave his side. She was bash and crude. How dare she speak to him in such a way. He’d have no use of women of the night, he’d have any woman he wanted. He was destined to wed a Princess in time.

“Oh you’re just going to take it.” A man down the bar commented, laughing into his drink.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Only a little royal bitch would let her talk to him like that.”

That’s the last Loki could recall as rage clouded his mind. Surely he said something back and insults where shot back and forth. Somehow they ended up outside. Turns out the large man had some just as large friends. They each had as much if not more bulk on them then Thor.

They didn’t fight in any way Loki had seen before. For a start, all five of them rained down on him at once. They fought with no honor or respect. To them, they could have been beating a dog instead of a man. Loki only managed to land a few blows in his attempt to defend himself.

“Why don’t you boys pick on someone else?” A voice called out.

Loki knew that voice. It was her voice. Pulling himself up on his hands and knees, he saw her from in the distance between the legs of one of the men. As much as he hated her, she didn’t need to get beaten even if the situation was her fault. He wanted to tell her to run but she looked down right arrogant.

“Leave.” How he wished his voice sounded stronger but it gave way to the pain of his broken ribs.

“You want to play, lil girl?” One man licked his lips in a revolting manner as he spoke.

“Oh I’ll play your game.” Her hips swayed in a sensual wave as she walked closer.

“Damn right we will. We’ll leave the little prince alone if we can have you.” She laughed right in their faces.

In retaliation one reached out to snag a fistful of her hair but she ducked low, delivering a powerful kick to his chest and knocking the wind from his lungs. A sharp bow from her elbow to his crotch sent the man down to the ground.

Spinning around, she kicked the feet out from another large man. Her arm was grabbed and yanked harshly as she was drawn to her feet by another. He sneered at her and whipped her around into the wall by her arm. The arm hung limply as she fell to the ground among trash and broken crates.

Grabbing up a board in the arm that still seemed to work and ignoring the pain in both her other arm and back, she smashed the first goon over the head with it. The crack of wood against skull was sickening.

Loki staggered to his feet as Blair faced off against the remaining men. Clearly, this wasn’t to be a fair fight. Pulling a dagger from his boot, he plunged it into the neck of one man. The blade glanced forward off bone and cut into the man’s throat. Jerking away, the man quickly bleed out in front of Loki’s eyes.

The remaining men were quick to scramble away, leaving Loki and Blair alone with a very dead man and another who had yet to come around from the board he took to the head. All and all, it was not a good situation. Loki would be off the hook. He was a prince and but Blair was just a woman of little financial means and no status.

She would take the fall for the dead man. The fight would be blamed on her. She would be blamed for the beating Loki took. The story would change and twist until Odin had something that would make the royal family look good.

“Come on.” Loki grabbed her hand and took off down the ally.

“Where are you taking us?” Blair tried to ignore the fact that Prince Loki was holding her hand.

“In all honesty, I am not sure.” Loki admitted, looking back at her. When did her brown eyes get so bright? “We can’t stay there however.”

“You’re a prince, no one will care.” Blair watched as he pulled her along. His just a bit too long hair was ruffled and wild. It was a nice change from the perfectly slick and brushed back look he normally wore.

“You however are not. I’ll not have you suffer for what was my fight.”

Blair dug her heels into the ground, forcing him to slow as she yelled up to him, “This way.”

As she pulled him through the streets to an abandoned home, she did her best to ignore the pain from the dislocated arm flopping against her side. Once he was inside she slammed the door closed and sank down to the ground.

“Down. You don’t want them to see us in the windows.” Loki quickly sat next to her, back against the wall dusty wall.

“Your arm?”

“Yeah, I’ll need your help with that. After you can leave and be free of my ugly face until the next time you slum in the village.” With a deep breath she glanced over to him. “If you could help pop it back in?”

Loki nodded and he took up her arm as gently as he could. She told him exactly what to do but still he didn’t want to hurt her. Finally with a grunt of effort he pushed and the sound it made when it popped into place was sickening.

“Thank you.” Somehow she hadn’t screamed at the pain but still he saw it clearly written on her face. Blair grabbed some dirty strips of cloth Loki could only assume once had been clean bandages off the ground and bound her arm into place. “Why haven’t you left yet?”

“I should be the one to offer thanks.” Loki admitted finally.

“But I assume that’s as close as I’ll get to a ‘thank you’ so I’ll take it. You’re welcome. You can leave now. Don’t want to get your fancy clothes dirty… or dirtier at least.”

“Why did you do it? You’ve no love for the royal family let alone for me.” Finally her brown eyes met his again. She didn’t look away or down. “You hate them.”

“I don’t hate them. Or you.” Loki watched as her chocolate eyes first looked up to the ceiling and then down to the ground before meeting his again. “I just- what’s it like to have a full stomach every night? What’s it like to sleep on down rather than straw? What’s it like to be warm at night? You’ve got it so easy and it’s not fair.”

“You struggle for food?” The thought was foreign to Loki. “Yet you go to the tavern and spend coin on ale?”

That question did make her look down. “I know it doesn’t make any sense. But if I don’t go out, don’t pretend that everything is okay it will be worse…”

“How? You spend money on ale that you need for food?” Loki watched as she took a deep breath.

“Father kicked me out when I refused to marry the old man willing to pay for my hand.” She shrugged again, suddenly unable to meet Loki’s eyes. Just why did the Prince care about such things now. “I kind of… I live here. Please don’t tell, I’ve not had coin to purchase it but no one else is living here so I’m not hurting anyone.”

“I won’t.” Loki reached out and grabbed her hand up. It was an impulsive action and he had her hand in his before he’d even thought it through. “I won’t tell anyone.”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Blair continued. “You saw how those men talk to me, about me. If they knew I was so hard on coin they would be even worse.”

“It would be more dangerous for you.”

When did he begin leaning closer to her? When did she begin to lean closer to him? Somehow they were but a breath apart. Loki could feel Blair’s body heat and wondered if she could feel his. Surely she must.

Her lips were soft and warm against his. Letting go of her hand, he ran his fingers through the brown hair and smiled to himself as his fingers got tangled in the loose curls. Her hair was so soft and god did she smell good.

Pushing her back and down Loki was quick to take control. Not once did be break the kiss as he found himself atop her. Her hand found itself in his hair, along his back and against his firm chest.

She shivered as his hands snaked under her shirt. Bunching her fist into the back of his shirt, she pulled it up and over his head, breaking the kiss for a moment before his lips were at her neck again. In the back of her mind, she knew they would probably regret it after. He would surely regret it after.

The next week the small home was purchased and Blair found the document on a table that most certainly hadn’t been there when she had left to beg for work for the day. In perfect calligraphy was her name on the paper that proclaimed her owner.

Each day she’d leave and something, small or large would be improved in the home. Loki would deny it when asked at the tavern but she knew. He was the only one who knew. They were doomed, ill fated and of two different worlds.

One day she thought there was nothing left to fix or improve. She didn’t expect there to be anything different. Perhaps it would end, finally. Maybe after the nearly year they’d spent having almost civil conversations in public and falling together again and again in the seclusion of her home, he’d had enough.

Instead, when she walked into her small bedchamber she found a black and green dress draped over her bed. It was made of the finest silk she had seen. Next to it was a small note written in a hand she had grown to know well. Under it sat an envelope with the king’s seal.

“Darling,

Tonight as I’m sure you’ve heard my King Father is throwing a ball. Noble women and Princesses from all the lands near and far will be in attendance. From them I am to pick she who shall become my bride and stand by my side for eternity. You’ve surely already noticed the dress but you’ll also find shoes and most importantly a royal invite.

Come, my Darling. That invite is not a trick nor a forgery. Come so that I may pick the most fitting rose from the garden. Come, my darling, so that I can pick the rose who has both the beauty of a flower and the thrones of a warrior.

Yours always, Loki”

Tag list: @bambamwolf87, @theoneanna, @alexakeyloveloki, @0-0-0-0-0-0-0-7, @dangertoozmanykids101, @j-u-s-t-4, @missaphrodite23, @winterisakiller

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

Six Baudelaires AU, Part One {AO3} {Read from the Beginning}

Chapter Twenty-Three → in which the Baudelaires go Off-Book

Aunt Josephine let out a wail, and Lilac screamed, “What are you doing here?”

“Why, I was out for a sail when I saw your distress signal,” Olaf said, as his boat got closer, “And I’m here to save you from the Lachrymose Leeches. I must say, I thought you’d died when Josephine’s house fell off the cliff, but clearly you managed to escape. And as for you, Josephine, I thought you’d done the sensible thing and leapt off the cliff.”

“I was sensible.” Josephine whimpered. “The children came to get me.”

“Did they now?” Olaf sighed.

“Piss off! I’ll take the leeches over you!” Nick shouted.

“Nick doesn’t mean that.” Josephine said.

“Listen to me very carefully, little bookworm.” Olaf hissed. “If you’d rather throw yourself to the leeches, be my guest. But your boat is sinking very fast, isn’t it?”

Josephine very hastily clambered over into Olaf’s boat, and the Baudelaires looked to Lilac, who was staring at Olaf in a mixture of horror and fear. Finally, she spat, “Fine.”

The Baudelaires climbed into his boat, standing as far away from him as possible as he sailed away.

“You see, Baudelaires,” Olaf said with a dark smile, “If it weren’t for me, you’d be divided among the Lachrymose Leeches.”

“If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be on this stupid fucking lake.” Violet hissed.

“Oh, blame her for that.” Olaf gestured to Josephine. “I’ll admit, it was clever of you to fake your death, but not clever enough. The Baudelaires and their fortune belong to me.”

“Never!” Klaus shouted. “We’ll tell Mr Poe everything, he’ll never hand us over to you!”

“Mr Poe is busy finalizing the adoption papers.” Olaf said. “By the time we return to shore, you will the Sham siblings.”

“Fuck!” Sunny hissed. “No fucking way!”

“We’ll never be the Shams, and we’ll never let you be our guardian ever again!” Lilac said.

“Mr Poe may not believe us,” Nick said, “But he’ll believe Aunt Josephine!”

“Children, children, children.” Olaf sighed, looking towards the trembling Josephine with a gleam in his eye, “Dead women tell no tales.”

“No!” Josephine pleaded. “Please don’t throw me overboard!”

“No!” Lilac shouted.

“You’re not going to hurt Aunt Josephine!” Violet added, trying to move to stand in front of her Aunt, letting out a small cry when Lilac pushed her back, not wanting her to get any closer to Olaf.

“Your Aunt Josephine will not be telling Mr Poe anything,” Olaf said, “Because she’ll be joining her beloved Ike at the bottom of the lake.”

“Oh no, please, I won’t tell Mr Poe anything!” Josephine says. “I’ll go somewhere and hide away and never show my face! You can have the fortune, you can have the children, just don’t throw me to the leeches!”

The Baudelaires stared in horror. “Aunt Josephine!” Lilac shouted.

“You’re our guardian!” Violet added.

“You’re supposed to protect us!” Klaus said.

“Aunt Jo!” Nick added.

“Be quiet, children, the adults are talking.” Olaf said, turning to Josephine. “It’s true that I don’t have to throw you to the leeches, but you hadn’t been very trustworthy recently.”

“Haven’t.”

Olaf narrowed his eyes. “What did you say?”

“You made a grammatical error.” Josephine said. “You should’ve said that I haven’t been trustworthy recently, instead of hadn’t.”

Olaf took a deep breath, and then smiled and stepped closer to her. Nick leapt forwards, as if to push him, but Lilac hauled him back, terrified that he’d get himself or Solitude hurt. Soli whimpered and cuddled Babbitt to her chest.

“Thank you for pointing that out.” Olaf said. “Let me make certain I understand the lesson. You wouldn’t say, ‘Josephine Anwhistle had been thrown overboard to the leeches,’ because that would be incorrect. Instead, you would say, ‘Josephine Anwhistle has been thrown overboard to the leeches.’”

“Yes.” Josephine said. “I mean, no. I mean…”

“Thank you for that.” Olaf said, and with one swift motion, he pushed her overboard.

“Aunt Josephine!” Lilac screeched.

“You fiend!” Klaus shouted, running to the edge of the boat, trying to reach for her, but Aunt Josephine had landed too far away. “You monster!”

“You son of a bitch!” Violet cried.

“Children, children,” Olaf said, already turning the boat away, “That’s no way to talk to your father.”

“Turn this boat around!” Nick shouted. “Turn us around!”

“Save her!” Lilac cried.

“No, I don’t think so.” Olaf said. “We must get to shore. Wave goodbye, children.”

“Aunt Josephine!” Lilac cried, and Solitude and Sunny started to wail. “Aunt Josephine!”

But the boat moved much faster than they anticipated, and within a few moments, they lost sight of their Aunt, bobbing in the water. Lilac sat on a seat, starting to cry, and Violet put an arm around her, glaring at Olaf. Nick and Klaus both looked like they wanted to run and kick Olaf into the water, but they were still holding Solitude and Sunny, and they didn’t want to let them go for even a moment.

“Baudelaires! Thank goodness you’re safe!” Poe cried as Captain Sham forced the children onto the shores of Lake Lachrymose. “When we returned to the house and found it had fallen off the cliff, we thought you were done for!”

“They almost were!” said Captain Sham. “They were about to be torn apart by the leeches when I rescued them!”

“He’s a liar!” Nick shouted, holding Solitude tight to his chest, as if Olaf might rip her away from him. “He threw Aunt Josephine to the leeches!”

“Now, children,” Poe said, “Your aunt Josephine threw herself out of the window, you know this.”

“The children are tired and confused.” Sham said. “I believe they should go lie down.”

“We don’t need to go lie down!” Klaus shouted. “He’s Count Olaf and he’s a murderer!”

“Aunt Josephine’s note had a secret message on it,” Lilac said quickly, “And we decoded it and it told us she was at Curdled Cave, and we found her there, but Count Olaf threw her overboard!”

“Now, children, how could you sail to Curdled Cave in the middle of a hurricane?” Poe asked.

“They’re confused, Mr Poe.” Sham said. “I’ll take them to my home, and they can rest there.”

“No! No, don’t let him take us!” Violet begged.

“Children, Captain Sham seems like he’ll be a good guardian.” Poe said. “He has a good business, he seems unlikely to throw himself out of a window, and he went sailing in the middle of a hurricane to look for you.”

“He only cares about our fortune!” Klaus cried.

“Please, Mr Poe!” Lilac said.

“Listen to us!” Nick said.

“Believe us!” Violet cried.

And then Sunny shouted, “Hey!” They turned to her, only to see her throw herself out of Klaus’s arms, grabbing onto Captain Sham’s wooden leg as she did and giving it a huge, sharp bite.

The leg split in half, and everyone watched as the wood fell away, revealing Count Olaf’s real leg, his bare ankle showing his eye tattoo, clear as day.

Klaus quickly grabbed Sunny, backing up quickly as everyone stared at the tattoo. Captain Sham froze a moment, and then said, “Look at that! My leg has grown back! It’s amazing! It’s wonderful! It’s a medical miracle!”

“Oh, come now!” Poe said. “A child could see that peg leg was false!”

“A child did see it!” Violet shouted. “Six of them, in fact!”

“But you didn’t listen.” Klaus said.

“You never listen.” Lilac added.

“Well… maybe the peg leg was false,” Sham said, “But I’ve never seen this tattoo before in my life!”

The siblings rolled their eyes as Poe said again, “Oh, come now! That won’t work either! You tried to hide the tattoo with the peg leg!”

“Gack!” Solitude said, pointing towards the side. Nick followed her gaze, and then he elbowed his siblings, gesturing to a lumber truck, parked only a few feet away from the shore they stood upon; a worker was almost done unloading lumber in front of a building, and he was chatting with another man, probably whoever was receiving the wood, clearly distracted from the people on the shore. The truck was labelled with Lucky Smells Lumbermill.

“Well, maybe I have the tattoo, but I am Captain Sham, it says so on my business card!”

“Oh, please, anyone can go to a print shop and have a business card made for whatever they like!”

Nick pulled out the photo again, gesturing from the lumbermill in the backdrop to the logo on the truck. Slowly, they all realized what he meant, and looked between themselves. Then Lilac nodded, and they started running as quietly as they could.

“Well,” they could hear Olaf say as they ran, “I may not be Captain Sham, but the children still belong to me!”

Nick reached the truck first, and he placed Solitude in the open back before climbing in himself. Klaus did the same with Sunny, and Lilac clambered in and helped Violet up.

“I think you’ll find that they do not! The adoption papers are made out to Captain Julio Sham, and you are most certainly not him!”

Lilac and Violet ducked down until the truck driver got into the driver’s seat, and then they placed Sunny inbetween them. Nick and Klaus sat beside them, placing Solitude inbetween themselves, as she carefully placed Babbitt on her lap.

“Now, you will remain here, and I will take the children- children? Children?”

That was the last of the conversation they heard as the truck started up and drove away. But as Lilac peered over the wall of the back of the truck, she could see Poe looking around in confusion, and she could see Olaf slipping away.

The children sat in silence for a long while, and then quietly, Klaus said, “Do you think we made the right choice?”

“It doesn’t matter if we made the right choice.” Violet said. “What matters is what happens.”

Sunny leaned against Lilac’s arm, and Solitude petted Babbitt, who’d fallen asleep on her leg. Nick put his arm around Soli, and Klaus leaned onto his brother’s shoulder, carefully avoiding putting his weight on Solitude. Violet slid to the floor, staring up at the sky as birds flew overhead, and Lilac started rubbing Sunny’s hand comfortingly.

“What’ll we do when we get there?” Klaus asked.

“We’ll figure it out.” Nick said. “We always do.”

“You think Olaf will follow us?” Klaus asked.

“Probably.” Lilac said.

“Can we beat him up now?” Nick asked.

“No.” Lilac said, not because she was worried about their moral codes, but because when she shut her eyes, she could still see Olaf pushing her Aunt Josephine to the leeches, abandoning her to die without a second thought. And when she thought of that, she knew full well that he wouldn’t hesitate to do the same to her siblings if they should try and fight him, and she couldn’t let that happen.

She couldn’t let her siblings get hurt again.

“Josephine said we had a day’s drive.” Violet said quietly, playing with her hair. “We can probably… get some sleep.”

None of them really wanted to sleep, but they had been awake for a very, very long time. Nick and Sunny yawned, and Solitude shut her eyes and cuddled with Babbitt.

“Li?” Klaus asked, glancing at her. “Should we?”

Lilac bit her lip, holding back tears; she was probably going to cry a lot thinking about Josephine, and Monty, and her parents, but she couldn’t do that in front of her siblings. Not when they were looking to her.

For all accounts and purposes, she was their guardian now. She was in charge now, and she had to be strong. Protect them, Lilac.

She bit back her sobs, and said, “Go ahead.”

“Road’s a bit bumpy.” Nick yawned again.

“That won’t matter.” Lilac shut her eyes tight. “I’ll sing us to sleep.”

[parsleysoda1984]

The Carnivorous Carnival, Part I

- “Any wirse” has to be one of the better rhymes in the history of this theme tune.

- Oh shit, it just straight-up starts with the VFD flashback. My body is not ready.

- Monty’s ponytail.

- AH, YES. THE PARAGON OF ALL BISEXUAL INTERACTIONS IS UPON US.

- Did I just pause for a full 37 seconds to stare at Georgina Orwell? That information is classified.

- Okay, but the moment where they’re both checking out Gustav’s ass has to be a top-10 moment in the history of everything ever.

- I know it’s been mentioned before, but it’s so disconcerting and cool to see Lemony interacting with other people and expressing emotion...and moving quickly.

- The total lack of hesitation from Olaf when he sneaks up on Beatrice - it’s such a small thing, but it says so much.

- Oof, that segue with the dragonfly on the windshield.

- So glad that “trunk wine” is now a part of our collective vocabulary. Much classier than bathtub gin, and much more sanitary than toilet vermouth.

- Okay, Esmé’s outfit du jour seems to suggest that she’s playing Titania in a production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream that’s set aboard a mid-2000s Hot Topic-meets-rap-video reimagining of the starship Enterprise.

- Of all the disguises we’ve seen so far on this show, Madame Lulu has got to be one of the more convincing.

- Kids, you’re very clever and all, but have you perhaps considered that hiding right next to the villain’s car might not be the sneakiest course of action right this very moment?

- The thing with Fernald’s sister. I’m emotional.

- HAH!! ESMÉ ISN’T BLONDE! So this is what vindication feels like…

- Olivia Caliban, bona fide goddamn legend.

- “Big…questions.”

- Oh, they’re playing the Esmé/Lulu dynamic right.

- Who could that be at this hour!!

- CHABO THE WOLF BABY, THAT’S FRICKING WHO

- Even if she doesn’t have the beard on.

- Man, who among us doesn’t know a Kevin or two?

- Colette’s back/shoulder/arm muscles are phenomenal, holy wow.

- “My Olaf.”

- Her little shrug when Olaf falls over is perfect.

- The baby doll in the cage in Olaf and Esmé’s tent is a nice touch.

- “Your accent sounds fake.” Help, I love them.

- Well, that painting explains some of that outfit, but not enough of it.

- Olaf. Olaf, that’s not how flirting works.

- …Beatrice??

- Violet, Klaus, y’all need to get your accents in order.

- WAS NOT EXPECTING THE CONE BRA.

-  So, apparently Esmé just casually travels with the tagliatelle grande at all times, not just when she’s onboard a submarine?

- “How’s the noodle workin’ out” hereby replaces “what’s up” in all future interactions.

- Olaf’s ringmaster song hits every grungy steampunk circus button in the book and I need it as my ringtone like yesterday.

- That little folly with the spinning ball was funnier than it had any right to be.

- Seriously, though, this song is such a banger.

- Noodlewhipping. My new favorite gerund.

- Lemony as a clown is a sight that will haunt my dreams.

- Is that Ike Anwhistle on the Vicious Feline Display poster in the green room?

- GEORGINA IN THE CRYSTAL BALL

- “She’s gone now too.” Not dead, obviously, just gone. Even Klaus knows.

- (Hey, in this fandom, we follow the spirit of the law, not the letter.)

- Holy rapid-fire explication of VFD background, Batman

- So not only did Olaf set the Baudelaire fire, he did it in a hat the size of Oaxaca. Well, at least we know it wasn’t Geraldine…

- I’m so glad the random “gorgonzola” thing from earlier this season is a VFD shenanigan, not just something cutesy the writers threw in at random.

- Esmé and Lulu: The rematch.

- “I will not be thrown over for a carny.” Well, that’s it, that’s what I want on my tombstone.

- JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY, JEEZ

- Okay, so what the ending of this episode tells me is that the canon non-compliance of this show is mostly designed to maximize emotional injury. Thanks! I hate it.

[noitsbecky127]

rebecca watches tos: the apple

big landing crew this episode

oh and yet more people beaming down

that makes four redshirts, how bad is this episode’s threat that four people have to die

I don’t think this place is much like Russia Chekov

ah yes, the Garden of Eden, known Russian location

oh god evil flower

no redshirt don’t approach the evil flower

he approached the evil flower and now he’s dead

yeah this probably isn’t what Eden looked like

“artificially produced” *dramatic music*

in all seriousness though this place is definitely weird

spock is being very matter-of-fact about the two of them being snuck up on

“if you insist on worrying, worry about me” damn chekov has game

spock why would you just haphazardly throw a rock, isn’t that illogical

“there doesn’t seem to be any immediate danger” there will be an immediate danger

oh god another evil flower

spock takes an attack from an evil flower meant from jim. completely platonically of course

good news is he has plot armor

alright back up to the enterprise, makes sense, they don’t know about spock’s plot armor

well shit, nvm then, guess you’ll have to fix spock yourselves

he lives!

so hyposprays make vulcans nauseous and no one’s bothered to do anything about this? like ik it’s a minor thing but still, seems like something they ought to at least pretend to care about

“just what do you think you were trying to do” obviously your boyfriend was trying to save you, jim

“my own clumsiness” bitch please

how has starfleet invested, I THOUGHT THIS WAS A MONEYLESS SOCIETY

the weather in paradise got bad pretty fast huh

AND there goes another redshirt

wait weren’t there two more redshirts? did they just die when we weren’t looking or what

oh there’s one

oh yeah they were scouting

and they found civilization it seems

oh and there goes ANOTHER redshirt

one left then

jim you’re forgetting that the transporter WASN’T WORKING

jim hits a dude once and he totally breaks down, toughen up my guy

so is vaal some kinda god or what

so this akuta is like, a prophet? vaal’s ambassador?

and of course the enterprise has gotta be in trouble now too

vaal doesn’t look very pleasant

it looks so stupid lmao

will this episode LEAVE SPOCK ALONE

this sure is a small community

they. they don’t know what children are?

they don’t know what LOVE is?

“among us” get out of my head get out of my head get out of my

nice flowers at least

and now they’re making fun of my man spock’s name, when will they leave him alone

jim idk what you expect them to do for the enterprise, it’s not really looking good for them

so this essentially is their eden, huh

alright so the natives are allowed in but the enterprise ppl aren’t, that does make sense

spock and bones are both making some valid points here

“I’d rather we didn’t have to wait too long for the end of it” well that sure is dark

jim let her be stressed, are you telling me you’re NOT stressed rn

“if they don’t know anything about—” *legally cannot say sex bc it’s the 60s*

god I love this show having to skirt around the subject of sex bc of tv censors

this is COMICAL my god

chekov. yeoman. you are BEING WATCHED

oh ok her name is martha!

ik this girl’ll probably never show up again but I like her

the natives watching: ohhh so THAT’S how it’s done

oh ok so they just don’t do things that don’t serve vaal? yeah that’s kinda fucked up

good job chekov, you taught the aliens about making out

you know what, good for them

what, is vaal gonna strike them down just for kissing? seems disproportionate

oh ok vaal’s gonna have them kill the enterprise ppl

that’s an extreme reaction

jim does make a good point, these people deserve the chance to progress as a society and make their own choices, and right now they don’t have that

scotty is definitely taking a risk here that’s for sure

will this episode leave spock alone for FIVE MINUTES

“you have an unsurpassed talent for understatement” is that spock for “i am in incredible pain rn”

damn shoutout to martha!!!

alright there goes the last redshirt

good news is the enterprise bought itself enough time for the plot’s resolution to save them

wtf is jim planning now

so firing on it made it deplete its energy? that does make some sense honestly

“learn something about men and women, the way they’re supposed to be” jim don’t be heteronormative

ok I don’t agree with what spock’s saying here but did jim really need to resort to ad hominem? kind of a stupid argument to go “lol you look like the devil”

well anyway, pretty decent episode, shoutout to my girl martha