#Important please note

[valeriapryanikova]

This season, on Hermitcraft...

(speedpaint)

[cassandragemini]

its so crazy that for the last 5 years a small but annoyingly vocal online group has been acting like mob movies of all things are pretentious and inaccessible cinema. yeah the godfather is kinda slow but these are movies about criminals who shoot people

[squidpedia]

I literally only had one joke in me while playing pacifist and it was just repeatedly saying “no theyre justice” everytime clover was called kind

(Please ask for permission before reposting onto other sites or dubbing, thank you!)

[ilikecheeseandchocolatee]

So I really need to do this and it makes me scared but I have decided that I have no choice now. I have A Levels soon and my stupid brain refuses to study. This is an emergency.

100 notes: I’ll finish studying the astrophysics section

200 notes: I’ll email my teacher about The Thing

500 notes: I’ll finish studying the magnetic fields and nuclear physics sections, including voice notes

800 notes: I’ll go over my math topics thoroughly

1200 notes: I’ll start on my Further Maths topics

1600 notes: I’ll finish doing Further Maths in time to do some practice papers before my exams

2000 notes: I’ll study statistics BEFORE the day before the statistics exam (I really fucking hate statistics)

10,000 notes: I’ll email The University about The Thing (I seriously don’t wanna do this even tho I know I need to)

As a note: I hope I end up doing the first 5 things even if I don’t get the notes but I’m doing this so I have no choice but to do it as soon as I can because I’m literally capable of doing it but motivation is MIA. This better guilt trip me into doing it, desperate times call for desperate measures. These exams are really important to me and anything less than A*A*A will be disappointing, to a lot of people (those are my predicted grades, that was before mental health started kicking my ass hard)

My exams start in the second half of May so ideally I should get 1200 notes before that at least so I have some semblance of preparedness. Again, even if I don’t I hope I end up doing the things anyway but the notes are supposed to be Tumblr Decree and I can’t just ignore Tumblr Decree so I have to do it.

Anyone who helps me, thank you and I hope you know it means the world to me ♥️

Progress

Edit 1: I finished a single topic from astrophysics and I’m planning to finish the rest of it by the end of the day!!

Edit 2: it’s pretty much the end of the day for me now and I’m done with half of the astrophysics section, but I’ll finish it tomorrow!! Along with magnetic fields!!

Edit 3: Unfortunately I had work today so I couldn’t study at all :c. BUT. I emailed my teacher finally. I need you guys to realize that I’ve been putting this off for MONTHS and I finally made myself do it just because of this tumblr post. I’m forever going to be grateful to each and every one of you. ❤️

Edit 4: finished astrophysics!!!!!!!!!!!

[dekariosclan]

Imagine Gale as a talented and impressive young man, able to compose the Weave at will, skilled in a way that few can match, and favored by the Goddess of Magic herself. Imagine that because of these accomplishments, he’s caught the eye of a few up-and-coming magic adepts, and he falls in love with one of them—his first real love. Gale isn’t one to toss the ‘L’ word around lightly, so when he tells them he loves them, he means it; he gives himself over to them completely.

And in return, they love him for his potential. For his status. For the magic he can command. They love the wizard they see on the surface, but not the man underneath. They are attracted to his power, but not to him.

So of course the relationship fails, after the thrill of his magic wears off. But because Gale is a resilient young man and he’s caught the eye of so many, he soon falls in love with another.

And then it happens again. And again.

And each time Gale’s heart is ravaged, his ambition to become a better wizard grows, because he’s being shown time and time again that his magic ability is all that matters.

So much so that, by the time Mystra decides to elevate him from Favored to Chosen to Lover, he welcomes her with eager, desperate arms. Because if all his worth is in his magic, and that’s all he has to offer, and that’s all anyone wants from him, who better to love him than the Goddess of Magic herself?

Except…there’s a nagging voice in the back of his head that whispers she doesn’t really love him. There’s anxiety in his heart as time passes, and he reaches both the limit of what his talents can do and what Mystra will allow him to do. And most troubling of all: a growing panic that, just like his other lovers, she will soon grow tired of him and discard him if he can’t improve his magic any further.

He tries pouting, and pleading, and begging her to let him take more power, to let him be more for her, but she refuses. Smiles patronizingly. Tells him to be patient. But Gale can’t be patient when his power is tied so closely to his self-worth; he can’t be patient when doing so in the past has only ever lead to heartache.

So he does what he believes will be a Grand Romantic Gesture, one that will finally put him on equal footing with the woman he loves. Instead, it turns out to be a folly that dooms him and destroys his talents. And just as he’d always feared, Mystra tosses him aside the moment his magical gifts are gone—because what’s left of him holds no value for her.

————

Imagine Gale in his tower, alone, afraid, the ever-hungry orb in his chest, with only his tressym there to help him. No other friends to speak of. His colleagues forced to keep away for their own safety. His magical talents utterly stripped down, so that even when he does try and distract himself with illusions, he’s bitterly reminded of what he used to be capable of. Waking every morning wondering if it will be his last, ending every day full of loneliness and disappointment.

…and then he meets Tav.

At the lowest point in his life, at his most vulnerable, when he knows he’s going to be considered a burden, he meets this stranger and their group. So he does what he can to be useful—assigning himself to be camp cook, offering up his (now meager) magic skills, turning the charm up to 11—as he desperately hopes this will somehow work out. He’s pleasantly surprised when, after providing only minor details of his condition, Tav agrees to help him. He’s even more surprised when they actually follow through.

Imagine how Gale feels as Tav treats him kindly. As he grows to trust Tav, and then grows to like them. Imagine his surprise as he opens up and shows them more and more of himself, and they don’t turn him away.

But then his condition worsens. And he has to reveal everything: the foolish mistakes he’s made, and how dangerous he is as a result. He clings to Tav’s hand as he shows them his folly. He’s at their mercy now, and he knows this might be the last time he’ll ever feel the touch of another being, if they decide—and Gods, why wouldn’t they decide?—to cast him out.

…but they don’t. They don’t. Instead, they tell him to stay.

Imagine the relief Gale feels. The gratitude. And perhaps…just a hint of something more. Something that he dare not name, but that flares to life every time he thinks of how warm their hand was in his. Something that feels dangerously close to jealousy, when he’s had too much to drink and sees Tav smiling at another…

But he knows these are all foolish thoughts, because he has nothing to offer Tav. They are wonderful just as they are, but he…he is an empty shell of a man, a discarded husk of a wizard, and while they might tolerate him, he could never believe they might actually want him.

And besides, he still thinks of Mystra. He still longs for Mystra. She who cast him out, but to whom he still feels tethered. Sometimes he needs to cocoon himself in the weave, just to try and calm his fears and bring some joy back to his life, because magic is his life. And sometimes he just needs to see her face, even though that hurts as much as it heals.

One night he’s lost in thought, having conjured Mysta’s image after settling down at camp. Thinking that even if she hadn’t ‘loved’ him—certainly not in the way he’d loved her—she’d given him enough otherwise, hadn’t she? She’d amused him and been amused by him, they’d shared countless pleasures, why hadn’t he been satisfied with that?

Gale is so lost in thought he doesn’t realize Tav has come up behind him. Until they ask a question, startling him out of his trance. He’s a bit shaken, so he tries to turn the conversation from Mystra to the weave itself. And then a wonderful idea occurs to him, something that he’d been toying with already: what if they were to conjure the weave together?

He can show Tav how important magic is to him, let them experience what he does, perhaps even impress them a bit. But most importantly, share a moment with them. As friends would do…

He’s elated when Tav agrees. He leads them through the steps effortlessly, and they’re a surprisingly good student, following his instructions correctly (if a bit clumsily). He’s as excited as they are—perhaps even more so!—when they succeed in channeling the weave.

It’s such a pleasant, familiar feeling for him, like coming home to his tower in Waterdeep. Even as the weave connects him with Tav and makes them one, he’s easily able to hide his innermost thoughts, because he’s done it so many times before.

…but he’s forgotten that Tav has not.

————

Imagine Gale knowing every romantic partner he ever had only wanted him because of how he could raise their status, or how he could amuse them, or how he could command magic for them. And, each time, he was happy to oblige them, even desperate to oblige them, because if that was the price of their love, then he was sure it would be worth it.

But it still all came to nothing.

Now imagine Gale connected in an intimate way with someone he likes very, very much—while being what he considers his lowest, most worthless, and most humbled self. As far from the powerful, impressive wizard he once was as he could ever be. And suddenly a vision enters his mind from the lovely creature standing next to him. Only, to his complete and utter shock, it isn’t one where he is providing them with a service, or wowing them with his magical ability, or granting them some kind of power from one of the spells he commands.

Instead, when he sees their desire laid bare before him, it’s a vision of kissing him. Of holding his hand. The two most basic forms of affection and physical connection. The two things that he would still be able to offer them even if every last ounce of his remaining magical abilities were stripped from him. The two things he could share with them even if he was no longer Gale of Waterdeep, and just plain old Gale Dekarios instead.

Imagine the embarrassment and trepidation he feels at first, because surely he is mistaken?…and then the elation when he realizes that he is not. So much elation that his concentration is broken, the weave dissipating as he forgets about channeling it, as he forgets about Mystra. Because all that matters to him now is the image before him—the most pleasant and welcome image he’s seen in a very, very long time.

Imagine how that would feel…and how besotted, enamored and completely devoted he’d be to Tav afterwards. To know that someone finally—finally—just wants him.

Just imagine.

[sp3akfromtheart]

why do i keep seeing fanart from TUMBLR ARTISTS being reposted ON TUMBLR. hey guys, don't know if you know this, JUST PRESS THE REBLOG BUTTON. YOU KNOW. THE BUTTON THAT MAKES THIS WEBSITE UNIQUE. PRESS IT. JUST REBLOG THE ART.

[sweetstarcollector]

So phrases like "people with uteruses" or "people who have periods" never really bothered me as much as more overtly dehumanizing phrases like "bleeders" or "birthing bodies", but I saw a post today talking about the abnormal symptoms women experienced after getting tear gassed protesting, that ended with something like "we don't know the full effects of tear gas on people with uteruses". And what struck me about that is that's not really correct, because female people without uteruses (either bc they were born without one or bc they had a hysterectomy) will still experience different symptoms after being tear gassed than male people. Women metabolize substances differently than men, our immune systems are different, our hormonal cycles are different, our skin has different thicknesses, etc. All of those things have potential effects on tear gas reactions, and are not dependent on whether or not we have a uterus. They're dependent on whether or not we're female. So saying "people with uteruses" when what is meant is "female people" is not really accurate. And I realized that a lot of times when people use those kinds of phrases, they aren't being accurate.

For example, I'm sure we've all seen people say things about how the repeal of Roe v Wade will harm people with uteruses/people who can get pregnant/etc. And while yes, it definitely harms those people, the full truth is that abortion bans harm *female* people, *regardless of if they can get pregnant or have a uterus.* Because female people who don't have uteruses can still get pregnant, and in those rare cases will 100% of the time need an abortion. Female people who deal with infertility and can't carry a fetus to term can still be jailed for miscarrying. Female people who are completely sterile (for whatever reason) can still be denied medications/medical treatment on the grounds that the treatment could theoretically harm a fetus. Female people who may currently have no uterus/no longer be able to get pregnant but who have had an abortion in the past will face increased stigma.

Here's another example:

It seems pretty straightforward- menstruation stigma is experienced by people who menstruate. But again, that's only half true. Period stigma is experienced by all female people, regardless of if they menstruate. Think about the fact that we are told female people should not hold political leadership because "what if a female president has PMS and starts a war", despite the fact that almost all female presidential candidates are old enough that they would have experienced menopause. Female people have their feelings dismissed because "it must be that time of the month", regardless of if they're too young to menstruate or too old or if they have a condition causing amenorrhea. Female children grow up seeing periods- a natural function of their bodies- portrayed as disgusting, dirty and gross, as making them unclean, as something to dread and fear. This affects them before they experience menarche, this affects them even if they never experience menarche. It affects all female people.

I could come up with more examples, but you get the idea. Reducing female people to singular body parts and organs inherently denies the reality of femaleness. All parts of us (both biological and social) interact with all other parts of us to form an experience that can't be understood by chopping us up and putting our individual functions under the microscope. In order to get an accurate picture you need to look at the whole (female) human.

[nextstopparis]

sorry but the way merlin tells arthur that girls prefer pretty things like jewels and stuff and arthurs solution to that is to BEJEWEL A DAGGER is hilarious. any other person wouldve been like oh fuck i shouldve gotten her a necklace and hes like wait the dagger is too ugly???

[royalarchivist]

Cell: See you around, darlings. Pac: [Whispering] He called us darlings? Mike: Pac, this guy's crazy—

[via]

[infizero]

i said this in the tags of another post but. the way that the desert always seems to PHYSICALLY pop up whenever scar and grian are together is insane. first them finding the only tiny patch of desert in double life, and now a desert appearing in front of them right as they're laughing together and riding on a llama camel. like we all know this but MAN. they seriously never left the desert. it's become a symbol of their past together, and they can't escape it.

[imonfire1985]

“the smoke in nyc is so bad right now” yeah and tons of people in canada are losing their homes and livelihoods because they’re literally being burnt down. so

[mythicalartistx]

How Riku has no idea that Riku means so much to Sora

An Analysis through mom

Riku has always been afraid of being forgotten and left behind by Sora. And this is how he is able get manipulated by Maleficent. She tells him his greatest fears, that Sora found new friends and doesn't care about him anymore. She gives him proof letting him watch Sora being silly and argue with Donald and Goofy.

But from day one as soon as Sora is separated, he wants to find Riku. All on his mind is finding Riku (and Kairi too) and when he finds Riku in Traverse Town he is happy and to make sure he isn't dreaming he goes up to him and pulls on his mouth.

Riku is glad he had found Sora and wants to continue to play the role of protector but when it seems Sora can handle himself he doesn't know where he is supposed to fit in. Sora has these new friends and now can handle himself, Riku is afraid of being forgotten.

But throughout kh1 Sora keeps trying to reason with Riku and it's important that his friend sees what's right. And when they close the door Riku tells Sora take care of Kairi.

COM

He doesn't exactly do that.... The first thing he does is wanting to find Riku. That's on his mind. He ventures through castle oblivion in hopes he can find Riku. And when he faces Repliku he is so happy even though his thoughts of trying to find Riku is almost replaced with Naminé.

This Repliku is bitter about that and upset even saying how Sora never care about that or cared about him (being Repliku). But Riku hates how he feels towards his friend and how he wants his friend still even though he believes Sora has forgotten about him saying, You always have wormed your way into my heart," and Sora is confused by this statement.

And once Naminé tells Repliku to stop and he falls back Sora is completely overwhelmed by what happened to Repliku and what did Naminé do to him. This scene is especially good in the novel where it shows Sora holding Repliku.

Later Repliku realizes how true Sora's feelings towards him are (how he cares for him as an individual not being a Riku) before leaving, still Sora is sad he is leaving and still wants to find him.

During Rebirth/Reverse when Repliku fades away into darkness he doesn't mind if he fades away but what he actually cares is that Sora remembers him. He doesn't want to get forgotten by Sora or get mixed up with the real Riku.

Kh2

Sora wakes up and forgets everything in Castle Oblivion and still has the same desire to find Riku. Throughout kh2 all on his mind is where is Riku, is he okay, I really miss him. And it's the most precious thing. He integrates Mickey about it and it isn't until Mickey accidentally slip up that Sora is so happy and jumps for joy.

Another time during land of the dragons when he finds out Riku been there he is excited because it meant he is okay and nearby. He didn't care that he might be with the organization, he just cares about Riku. During the novel, Sora talks about fighting Riku was so fun.

And finally when he actually sees him he goes on his knees crying because he misses him and is happy to finally be with Riku. In the novel he states how happy he is to be fighting by Riku's side and is just bashful about this.

Riku doesn't care that much about himself and thinks less of himself on why anyone would actually care for him. And is surprised when Sora helps him up and brings him through the dark world. He admits in the novel, he is sad Sora is there and didn't want him to fade into the darkness but is glad he isn't alone. Sora seems to precious and important to Riku that he doesn't believe he deserves his friendship.

He is afraid of being forgotten but he accepts that he might not be worth it and as long as Sora is happy that is all that matters. He doesn't realize how much Sora truly cares about himself. They come to the conclusion they both will be okay because they're together.

RC

Even though it's technically not them in recoded data Riku doesn't believe in his worth after how he messed up everything in the data worlds. Sora is sadden by how little he thinks of himself and thinks he is the only one trying to maintain their friendship.

When Data Sora hears him talking to him in the Olympus Coliseum worlds, he is glad to hear Riku's voice. Even when his keyblade gets destroyed Riku comes in and Sora is just happy that he is there. It means everything to him and he doesn't care that he has no way to fight, Sora was determined to save data Riku

BBS

Even ten years prior when Terra gave Riku the ability to wield a keyblade, Sora immediately wants to know about Riku. He wants to know who that man was and if he knew him. In BBS it has them both care for each other. Riku admit how important Sora is to him and wishes to get stronger to protect him while Sora blatantly tells Aqua he likes Riku, he is his best friend. He seems to want to do everything with him and wouldn't hesitate to help him from darkness.

When Ven goes to Sora's heart, Riku notices something is wrong and knows how to help him. Without questioning it, he takes his advice even if it is strange.

DDD

He goes through the exam because Riku felt like he needed to be tested, Sora didn't think either of them needed to. Sora really wanted to take the exam by his side and is a bit sad that Riku isn't there. However through his heart he feels connected to Riku and when things happen Sora knows Riku will be there.

Joshua asks Sora if he wants to give Riku a message, he tells him there's no need because he knows they will see each other soon. On Riku's side he goes through a personal journey of accepting himself despite everything he has done. He doesn't know if he deserves everyone but knows he is lucky to have Sora.

KH3

Riku still doesn't see the full extent to how much Sora cares about him. Sora just wants to be with him through out the entire game. He is constantly worried about Riku especially going into the dark world. Sora wants to join him. And once they lose connection with Riku, Sora is sad and is like see this is why I should have gone.

And since discovering the Gummiphone being able to talk to Riku, Sora constantly thinks about calling Riku and just telling Riku about how cool this place is, when they went to Fransankyoto.

Riku is surprised when Sora comes in to save him the the dark realm. He's glad he is there but doesn't think much of it. At the pre battle Riku doesn't think he means that much to Sora, he's just like any of his other friends. He talks to Repliku and allows Sora to spent time with Kairi.

However Sora is questioning why Riku is alone there and seems to want to spend time with him. Then Riku and Sora are the only ones left. Sora breaks down. Riku wants Sora's happiness beyond anything else and reassures him with his words something only Riku can do. He feels better but still Riku doesn't think his life is that important and sacrifices himself. The expression Sora makes during this scene tells you everything. Sora is hurt that Riku is too doing this.

Riku is extremely important to Sora that when trying to recover him, he is floating in Olympus like he is the most important person ever to Sora.

Riku doesn't believe he means much to Sora. He doesn't see how he's the one that Sora just wants to spend time with and searching for. He rather put Sora's happiness before his own and believes in Sora. He let him save Kairi because he believes in him and his own happiness.

Mom

Riku thought it was Kairi who meant so much to Sora. He didn't believe it was him who was supposed to find Sora. That's why he was so shocked when the fairy godmother told him his dreams were the key and it was him who was supposed to dive to the Quadratum by following Sora's heart.

He didn't realize how important he was to Sora. He kept being selfishly selfless about this. Until he realizes it was him. He is the key. And Riku means so much to Sora, but he doesn't realize how much.

This could be a deep friendship or possibly something more, but he's very important to Sora and Riku just needs to realize it...

[michelle-jacksons-art-blog]

K but what if siblings

[makiswirl]

can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest

like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!

[celluloidbroomcloset]

It's interesting that Izzy is the one who sees Ed's attraction to Stede first. Yes, Izzy is the closest to Ed, and he pays a lot of attention to Ed because that's part of his job. But it's clear from his voiceover at the start of "Art of Fuckery," and what happens with his character subsequently, that he's watching Ed very carefully for signs that he's slipping out of his Blackbeard persona, and more broadly, out of the performative masculinity that Izzy believes is the mark of a real man.

A lot has been said about Izzy's internalized homophobia, but it's a very complicated kind of homophobia - he doesn't fit the trope of the closeted gay man using homophobia to cover his sexuality. Izzy has no apparent problem with homosexuality - as Calico Jack says, it's more or less expected at sea. The form of his homophobia has more to do with gender presentation and sexual roles, not the concept of gay sex or attraction.

The two men on the Revenge he has the most immediate conflicts with are Lucius and Stede. To him, neither of them perform masculinity correctly, and both of them, in their own ways, refuse to participate in the masculine hierarchy he's steeped in.

Izzy's problem clicks for Lucius immediately, because Lucius is an out gay man who has undoubtedly met men like Izzy before. He's not ashamed of his sexuality or his presentation of it, and so he defies the hierarchy by explicitly refusing to participate.

Stede is more complicated because he's not out at all. Izzy calls Stede a "ponce" and a "fop," but neither word would necessarily imply that Stede's gay; being a fop is not equivalent to sexuality (though in "Act of Grace," Izzy's emphasis makes it clear that "twat" is standing in for a much stronger word). It is Stede's presentation of masculinity, his effeminacy, that Izzy finds repellent. Stede's not a "real pirate" (read: a real man). The idea that Ed - the man's pirate and the pirate's man - would be seduced by him upends Izzy's worldview and is something he feels he must put a stop to.

At the start of the "Art of Fuckery," Izzy's realization that Stede has "seduced" Ed is immediately followed by the stabbing scene, which Izzy overhears. I'm still not clear if we're meant to think that Izzy believes they're actually having sex on the deck, but regardless, it confirms the "seduction" for him.

This is the one clear time that we see things filtered through Izzy's perspective, with the episode literally starting with his voiceover. He's horrified by what he hears on deck, and the obvious sexuality connected to it, and he immediately insists that Ed kill Stede.

This is not a subtle show. The stabbing on deck is explicitly sexualized. Not only is Ed being "stabbed" by another man, he's being stabbed by an effeminate man. In Izzy's reading of the world, there are men who penetrate and men who are penetrated, men who dominate and men who are dominated, and those roles are aligned with masculine presentation. It would be fine for Ed to be stabbed by Calico Jack, a properly masculine man who understands the masculine hierarchy, but not by Stede.

Stede defies Izzy's categorizations by quite literally not understanding the role he's supposed to play in the first place. Stede's not humiliated by his shirt being cut off in "A Damned Man"; he says that he quite enjoyed it. Izzy's threats go right over his head in "A Gentleman Pirate" - he can't even remember Izzy's name. It doesn't occur to him to be scared or humiliated. He further upends Izzy's reading by treating Ed kindly. Ed can't bring himself to fulfill his role in the masculine hierarchy by killing (stabbing) Stede, and Stede sits down and offers him gentleness.

Stede throws Izzy's concept of masculinity out of whack by being an effeminate man who penetrates, a fop who seduces a "real man," and whom Ed sees no shame in asking to stab him. He's too fluid for Izzy to get a hold of. He doesn't just not participate in the performance of masculinity that Izzy wants from him; he doesn't even know that there's a performance going on.

Later in the episode, it's Izzy who stabs Stede, pinning him to the mast and re-establishing the masculine hierarchy - Stede is the one to be penetrated by a "real pirate." Then Stede just...breaks his sword. He did it on purpose. Izzy is effectively emasculated, but Stede doesn't even know it. He just knows that he "did it right."

What has thrown Izzy off is Stede's lack of participation in the masculine hierarchy. He doesn't know the rules that Izzy has been controlled by, and so he's not "doing it right." Being penetrated isn't inherently shameful. Penetrating isn't inherently about dominating or gaining power over. Stede's face when he stabs Ed is simply one of concern, because he's hurt him. He's not getting a sexual thrill out of harming Ed, and penetration doesn't equal power for him. Stede throws everything Izzy thinks he knows about masculinity overboard simply by existing.

(I think I've got more to say about how this all shifts in Season 2, and why that's so important to Izzy's arc, but I done wrote enough for now.)

[fuwaprince]

👉👈 Hi friends! I have a long, serious post made just for you(!) that isn't full of spoilers, smut or mooning lawn gnomes. Please read if you can, this is a 💥 mutual aid request 💥

It has been a horribly painful and long while as most people following/keeping up with me know. and in a few days I'm going to be down $1500, which is basically all my fucking $

I can't afford Christmas for anybody, which sucks and I'm very sorry. I can't even take care of myself and haven't been, which also sucks and I'm very sorry

Landlords spontaneously raised rent on me more than halfway through this month as punishment for not getting to my house chores and not communicating, to be totally honest with you. I feel ashamed and awful about it but I didn't want to clean the place while multiple ppl living here had tested positive for COVID and kept walking around unmasked... I am not fully vaxxed because I've been too depressed to get any kind of necessary medical care done and I didn't want to catch COVID in the middle of my finals week for the semester. I woke up to being angrily and rudely bitched at first thing after the last of my finals (I passed at least). It wasn't a humanizing text. Fuck the mistreatment though. Rent is now almost doubled and it won't be lowered

There was no room for negotiation and I truly believe they've resorted to pricing me out of living here because the group of renters psychologically tormenting me wasn't effective (actually- putting a picture of my rapist on the fridge rly was super effective in getting me to isolate myself in my room all day and so was outing me as trans to the transphobic ass neighbors.... But I didn't and still don't have any place better to move out to, like the way they were hoping I would. Yes, I have looked and BEGGED btw)

I want out of here NOW, but I can't leave. I tried and had to come back because it was the best option. I can't afford to stay in a motel/hotel/BnB just to get away from them for a day or two during Christmas. I don't have any friends who I can spend the holiday with either. During the semester, I resorted to convincing classmates with keys to locked buildings to let me crash in them while they worked at night and I would leave before anybody showed up. Now that school is out, I can't do that. I don't have any family I can reach out to for support or friends who I can depend on for immediate help. I have been crying day in and day out for weeks. I have records of it posted throughout my blog. Literally crying for days on end. I'm being so fucking transparent

All that lump of text is to explain to whoever is out there, who might be listening and willing and able, to please consider helping me, if and ONLY IF able. I know times are tough and if you'd rather use your $ for other reasons or just don't have any to spare, don't sweat it and take care! 🫂

I've thought about what I could do for a long time and have helped myself how I can. It isn't enough. I've applied for so much assistance. Been approved and been sabotaged by my inhumane mom (who does not love me) via stealing my legal documents and letters and hiding them for months. My mind jumps to grim places but I'm clinging for dear life to whatever hope I have left that says things will get better. I wish I knew somebody with a business that I could work for. Part of me feels so fucking terrible for asking for help because I feel like a waste of all your resources. I feel like I shouldn't ask, like I really do not fucking deserve help, but there are friends online who care, who I know mentioned being interested in helping in whatever ways they can

So to the people who care to seriously me, I'm ready to accept it: please send me nice words to get through this and feel less alone. It feels pathetic to ask but I would love a nice letter. A nice card even. Kind words of any kind would go a long way. It means more to me than food. I have felt so broken and every day feels like a test to figure out how badly I actually want to live

I'm also leaving my cash app and paypal here in case anybody would like to do more than what I'm comfortable asking but probably very likely will inevitably need very very soon. I will be left with fucking nothing and I will have no idea what to do once rent is paid

Thank you to those of you who have sent love, offered to listen and heard me out. I really wish it wasn't so hard to survive. I'm trying to feel better knowing there are people out there who are also without help and hoping the best, but it doesn't make me feel any better or comforted tbh. I just wish the help was there for us. I wish there was a place to go for spare love, care, compassion, empathy, kindness, humanity, generosity... I need that more than I need $. Call me stupid but that's what I live for. I don't live for paying to survive in terrible conditions. I live for love and to smile with friends

I hope to write back to the friends who have already been so kind as to message me soon btw. I'm sorry for not replying sooner. Your overwhelming support is sincerely sweet and sometimes I cry because I can't believe people are so nice (to me???). It'll give me something to do that doesn't make me feel like dying! :') so thank you thank you thank you *fist bump*

Hope you're all doing as well as you can and that somehow things get better. Hope anybody else struggling like me doesn't make the mistake of isolating like a sick and dying animal. You deserve love. You deserve support. Don't be like me. Have the courage to reach out to the people who care about you for help as early on into your emergency as possible. Don't let your situation snowball because you spend so long trying to figure out if you're worth it!!! This Random Tumblr user is here to tell you that YOU ARE. Sending my infinite everlasting unconditional love. Be nice to yourselves. Be nice to each other. Fuck the hateful assholes who wish I would just kill myself already. Tell your friends you love them. Happy Holidays!!!

And here's a single picture of a mooning lawn gnome at the very end, as a treat! I told you this post wasn't full of it.... It just ended with it 👉👉