#It sounds so final and like they're totally done with each other already!

[thelostgirl21]

Am I the only one that really struggles with the idea of Radskier's current relationship status being listed as "Ex-Lovers" in the shipping wiki, or...?

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - All's Quiet on the BL Front

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 3 of 12 - I love how were getting a solid depiction of two queers just genuinely enjoying sex with each other. That’s actually rare in BL. In this case, it manages to also be weirdly adorable and cute.

Dee is such a tease. I guess Y likes a brat? 

LOOK at those bedroom eyes!

Linguistics corner: when these two are being serious, sweet, or flirty with each other they use rao/nai which is kind of old fashioned and charming and not common in BL. They move pretty seamlessly into gu/mueng and back depending on the style of convo, tho. It's FUN to hear them talk.

Let the fake relationship commence!

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 eps - I HAVE THOUGHTS. I'm really enjoying the sinister backbone of this show. I hope they have the courage of their convictions in that regard and lean into a kind of sexy evil revenge narrative. It was a pleasure to watch the break up and I do not want a redemption arc for Ming or a romance for us. Fuck 'em, let’s just ride a revenge train, okay Joe baby?

That’s said, I totally sniffled at the ending scene where Ming (for two years!) has been paying penance cooking for two and waiting alone. Excellent pathos. Now, I understand how they're gonna make this a full 12 eps. And I’m excited about it. Carry on!

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 7 of 16 - I wasn't a fan of Winny & Satang in My School President but I'm loving them in this. The thing with Q, Toey, and Chain had me hooting with laughter. I think I’m finally just easing into the relaxed absurdity of this show. The key is not to expect anything from it. Just them being tiny gay idiots.

Two Worlds (iQIYI) ep 10 fin - Someday I’d like to really enjoy a MaxNat show, but today was not that day. (I feel like ever since Between Us I’ve been generally disenchanted with established OG pairs and what they’re bringing to the table. Perhaps that’s a discussion for another day. Cherry Magic excepted, of course.) 

OK, so this final episode, they sure tried to fit a lot in. But that made the pacing better for me. So I kinda liked this weird cliff notes resolution to the story.

In conclusion:

MaxNat do a credible job with a messy script about parallel worlds, gangsters, and strange diseases cured by forest fruits. It sounds confusing because it is. The chemistry is excellent the side pair is entirely forgotten about, and one could drive a Tardis through the plot holes. Still, I found it modestly enjoyable if not at all rewatchable. 7/10 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I do love how bold and brash Moo is. He’s truly a great character, such an utter outgoing sunshine puppy focused on his pursuit of his older boy. I'm charmed by his utter harmlessness. They gave us a sweet coming out scene, and an awesome supportive mom. Frankly GMMTV has a good track record with moms. (With a few noted exceptions, of course.)

That said, I do keep forgetting this is a GMMTV offering. It just doesn't FEEL GMMTV. Just me?

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 1 of 10 - Starts tomorrow, will report on sitch next week. LeeFrank are back - not unlike the undead. But how do we feel about it? Unsure given their track record.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - I like it. I like our sulky 2nd lead. He’s pouty, adorable, brash, and adding some much-needed tension to this narrative. The blurring lines between show within a show is a lot of fun. Probably the best I've seen done in BL so far.

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - I like that we got backstory, but we also sort of already knew it. So this ep felt a bit like filler. They are wonderful when they’re on screen together but when they aren't it's a bit dull. I hope we just get them together for the next 4 eps. But this is Japan, so I doubt it.

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 1 of 6 - The image resolution on this show (via Iqiyi ) is terrible. Meanwhile, awkward crush. Jock nerd pairing. Dorky. Maybe a bit too much awkward/dorky for me? I'm not sold on this one.

Meanwhile the ordering then not eating or drinking of food continues. Very upsetting.

Boys Be Brave (Korea Viki) eps 5-8fin - This show was just never sure what it wanted to be. Slacker sunshine KiSub moves in with nerd JinWoo, mostly because he knows JinWoo likes him but won't confess and that's never happened to him before. It reminded me of some earlier KBLs like Behind Cut, yes is had bones but not much flesh, so it only just hung together and progressed through not very much plot in a jerking rattling fashion like an animated skeleton. All the story and chemistry was with the side couple and none of the screen time. That just annoyed me. What did this BL want to BE? Who tf knows. I, for one, don’t care, and resolve to think no more on it. 6/10 

Blue Boys (Korea Sat YouTube) - This ended at 4 eps on a cliffhanger. Since this is a very small studio I don’t have a lot of faith in there being a part two. But they have bundled both this BL, and the GL, bingable chunks on YT. So if you want to binge it, it’s there. Just be aware that it ends on a cliffhanger.

My thoughts?

Promising reunion romances full of class and coming out struggles but I grade with what we got, not on expectations, and you know I HATE a cliffhanger. So yeah, it HAD promise but as of now it gets a 4/10 - fatally flawed. I reserve the right to change my mind if they amend for damages.

It's airing but...

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

A Balloon's Landing (Taiwan movie) trailer - A frustrated Hong Kong writer, Tian Yu, meets a Taipei street gangster, Xiang (Fandy Fan from HIStory2: Crossing the Line), and the two of them embark on a journey to find the Bay of Vanishing Whales. Along the way, they discover unexpected twists and turns and close bonds, which brings out the message that "there is always someone like you in this world who is waiting for you. This released to cinemas in Taiwan, no word on international release.

In case you missed it

A really really thorough and fascinating article on 2 Moons 2 and what happened.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

May Releases

VBL (Taiwan) is releasing 4 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 shows every Friday this month on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu. Not sure on search terms or how to find these. (Or, frankly, if we need them.)

5/10 – You Are Mine

5/17 – VIP Only

5/24 – Stay By My Side

5/31 – Anti Reset

5/25 The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer - HoTae & DongHee are back but unfortunately not in a cinema near me. Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS.

5/28 My Biker 2 (Thai movie YT?) - trailer

5/30 Knock Knock Boys (Thai Thurs WeTV) - I'm hoping I can get it elsewhere since my WeTV account is inactive, but I do love Best and I'm interested in seeing him in a new pairing. That said, I'm not wild about Seng... so I won't be too cut up if I can't get hold of this. More here.

5/31 The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) - May not be BL

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I'm a sucker for this king of casual claiming. (Only Boo)

It me! (Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @sunflower-positiiivity @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[fortheharbingers]

characters: dewdrop ghoul/gn!reader

cw & wc: biting, hickeys, mentions of blood (dew's bleeding fingers to be specific), grinding, hinted jealousy/possesiveness, reader is a vampire and similar to btvs-lore, vampires are a type of demon. (left it vague but dynamics/effects of a vampire's bite is from WoD) nsfw content, minors do not interact — 1.3k

a/n: apparently touching grass or getting laid werent enough…

when another ritual comes to an end with bleeding all over his fingers, guitar and the stage; dew cannot help but let out a sigh for thank fuck it's over and finally he can have a drink too many to ignore the stinging pain in his fingers and black out the exhaustion of the night.

these plans seem to come to an abrupt end as some weight lunges at him from the darkness, his back hitting the wall rather hard.

maybe he should start carrying a napkin of sorts with him from now on, at least to help stop the bleeding a little faster. and surely it'd keep this certain vermins of demons out and away.

it is not unusual for the unholy church of lucifer to house demons of different types. though his kind is known wide and well, both for their long millenia of service and presence, other kinds like to pop by once in a while– some just to have a place to return after they're done whatever it is they wish to do on earth, some just bored out of their mind and must've gained enough favors to leave hell for a while.

and vampires, the lowly bunch of them all, is one species that can always be found, though they are born on earth and seek the church for reasons only known to themselves.

blood is never a good idea to have wiped off on your clothes, always drawing attention, stinking, a pain to clean up and total shitshow to deal with when there are vampires around.

maybe tonight is dew's lucky night, maybe not so much– or so he tries to decide as he recognizes your scent, your hands greedily roaming his figure already.

"missed me already?" your hands halt for a moment and opt to ignore his claim instead.

with your cold breath fawning over his neck already, he decides it's going to be a lucky night.

lips pressed against where his ear should be, you coo: "didn't anyone tell you what happens to lonely little ghouls bleeding all over late at night?"

cold digits wrapping around his aching hand, you bring it to his lips, dragging your tongue over his knuckles and joints where it bleeds. the coldness of your body always brings along a delightful jolt. humming against his hand and leaving behind a trail of saliva over his prickling cuts, dew watches your eyes closing with content and reopening to meet his gaze, something burning behind your eyes.

if this is what will bring you to him every night, dew is more than willing to cut himself up purposefully, maybe slit a limb here, stab a dagger there, fill the hallways with the sharp sulfuric scent of his blood whenever he passes by your chambers.

he can hear the sounds of others muffled, far away from where you are. separated by walls and doors, nobody cares where the other has gone lost to.

it infuriates him, to think you feed from others sometimes. lean into their personal space like you're doing now.

does your hands go under their shirts like now? do you drag your nails against their skin as well, draw patterns, write lucifer knows what– maybe a chant, long lost words to an enchantment perhaps. is this what it is? binding him with the dark arts, infiltrating his mind with the guidance of the maiden, the mother and the crone?

open mouthed kisses deepening in no time, dew can feel your teeth grazing his artery, nibbling against it, toying with it– oh how badly you want to sink your teeth in already, don't you?

pressing your body closer to him, dew pulls you by the waist, angling his hips just right to draw a moan out of you. he likes how your body melts into his so naturally, as if carved for him, made for him. each roll of his hips, you meet in the middle, moving down his neck, tilting his head with a hand to make more space for yourself.

slowly dew allows himself to slide down the wall, making sure to maintain contact between your bodies, quickly pulling you by the legs to straddle him completely once he is seated.

moving to give your love to the other side of his neck, you grind against his length, feeling his hardness between your legs.

you should thank the acting papa if you ever see him, for designing them pants that leave nothing to the imagination, the material used not dulling a single sense.

kissing slightly deeper with each one, your lips never leave his neck, guaranteeing him several marks to adorn his neck in the following hours.

for a moment dew cannot help but wonder if you kiss the others you feed from as well. do you kiss them with such fervor too? making sure to suck and paint, do you grab whatever you can get a hold of as you do so? hand on the nape of his neck, smashing his face into you, a hand kneeding his flesh, pinching his nipples, travelling south and meeting the waistband of the pants he wears...

do you lose yourself like you do on him with your other donors, too? do you straddle them, wrap your legs around as a means to cage, feeling every twitch of his dick, feeling his precum leaking through the pants if you're wearing a light fabric.

dewdrop recalls how you'd make sure to lick a stripe against the bite mark back then, something about fastening the healing process, some vampire thing you claimed.

as far as he knows, and he keeps his tabs well, he is the only one you kiss, bite and feed from and leave awith hickeys and bite marks adorning his neck afterwards.

something about this makes his chest swell with pride. and claim. of you and him, and sedating such cravings.

one hand on your waist, he moves you in sync with his hips, deepening each roll of his hips, making sure you'll be thinking of his cock even when you're not fucking.

he can picture it already, how you'll throw your head back in ecstasy in a short while, all clothing discarded on the floor somewhere, pupils dilated, your eyes pitchblack, riding on the pleasure you get from him– dew wonders if you'll even be able to make it out to reach his chambers or it'll be another one of those nights.

each bite you take grows bigger, the kisses decreasing in amount and getting sloppier and suddenly a sharp pain– and pure bliss that follows after.

there is a reason some humans allow vampires to feed from them for a reasonable price.

and if there's anything dew likes as much as feeling you around him, it is your fangs sunk into his skin, drinking his blood like a parched man. with each sip, each gulp of his blood down your throat, down your lips, your neck, your body; he can feel himself getting closer. fingers digging into your waist, he presses you against his body, grinding his aching cock into you, feeling your growing wetness and warmth, smelling your arousal already– and all that for him. not for those sorry excuses of people you fed on before.

you don't drink their blood more than needed like you do with him; allowing yourself to get greedy, getting drunk on his taste, on his blood, smelling of him in no time. you don't ride anyone else like you do him, you do not come on any other cock like you do on his, sinking your teeth into his artery as he enters you in one swift motion, snapping his hips onto yours as you've drunk more than you could handle, getting drowsy over him, body limp against his.

no, dewdrop knows you haven't visited your other 'snacks' as usually for a while now.

too busy having him fill you up, not bothering to lick the fang marks after you're done...

and he doesn't mind it, no. on the contrary, dewdrop finds himself enjoying it more when the marks are for all to see, both yours and his. leaving him curious how else can he leave his imprint on you, just as you will.

[chamuk0]

🌻Punkflower flowershop au🎸

• So I write this instead of doing my homework, whatever.

This is my first time writing fanfiction (or whatever this is) on here.

Also, english ist not my first language, so I'm sorry if there are some mistakes, I'll be gratefull if you let me know them.

I think that's all, hope you like it

🌻🌻🌻🎸🎸🎸🌻🌻🌻

So. Basically, Gwen already knows that Miles is gay (or bi, you say) and she is like, totally supportive with him and everything, they're besties.

The thing is Miles likes sunflowers, like, a lot. And he likes to have them on his room window, but as he has no one to give them to him, Gwen suggests they should go buy some at the new flowershop that has just opened omg.

---

Then there's this super cool guy working at said flowershop, all bored, skipping through songs on his walkman, resting against the counter when he hears the shop door bell sound. He lift his gaze and his eyes meet two costumers, looking too much at the little guy with baggy clothes and headphones around his neck. He loocked cool and cute. Hobie was too busy staring at him that forgot he was supposed to help the costumer.

Then he acts and walks closer to them, asking if they need some help. Their eyes meet and Miles could feel his face getting hot, he wasn't talking. How cute.

A grin threatened to appear on Hobie's face.

Then Gwen came to Mile's rescue "Yeah, he was looking for sunflowers"

Hobie looked at Gwen then, breacking the eye contact and Miles feel his feet hit the ground again.

---

Once their bouquet is almost done, Hobie is putting a "to: from:" card on it and asks "who's this for?" And before Miles could ask him to not put that, Gwen answers "Miles"

Hobie looks down again and writes the name. They pay and head out.

-------------------

Almost two weeks had happened and neither of the two boys could get the other out of their minds.

So miles decides to buy sunflowers again.

He puts on his bright red Jordans on and leaves without forgetting to take his headphones and jacket. He's walking down the street, his hands are all sweaty and he could feel his heart beat faster and faster as he got closer to the flower shop.

He opened the door and his gaze went to the counter, expecting to see someone specific, someone who seemed not to be there. He turned on his heel, about to leave, what was he doing? Why he even came here? What was he-

his thoughts were interrupted by a pair of hands on his shoulders.

"you leaving already, without any bouquet? not the best customer"

And then his face was hot again, and there were also some butterflies in his stomach. Miles tried his best to look up and meet Hobie eyes again, and despite his stutter he managed to get the flowers he wanted.

The bouquet was almost ready, Hobie is again putting the label, then, trying to play it cool and not look too interested, asks "to Miles again?"

And Miles loves the way his name sounds when he's saying it. He just nods and watches Hobie as he writes it. Then he pays and he hands him his bouquet.

"so" Hobie finally decides to ask "is he your... boyfriend?"

"Are you saying you think I'm gay?" he asks with an incredulous smile, God his smile.

"Am saying I hope you're gay. And single" Now there's a grin on his face.

Their hearts are beating faster, their eyes locked to each other's.

"That's my name, y'know" Miles finally says with a wide smile and Hobie smiles too.

[ghostchems]

130. “it’s been along day why don’t we help each other unwind”

maybe young Terzo as priest or cardinal reader was forced by current papa-primo to help our baby girl, so they can 'get along' they're fighting all day just to hate-fuck at the end of the work

wheezing at primo being like “play nice!!” when they are absolutely. NOT playing nice at all.

Satan was truly testing you today.

You had heard that the youngest Emeritus brother could be somewhat of a brat, but when Primo had asked you to tag along with him for the day to keep him happy, you didn’t expect it to be like this.

Nothing was good enough for the man. The paperwork was too boring or confusing, the tasks he had to do took too long, complaint after complaint after complaint. It was clear that the two of you were growing sick and tired of each other.

You were so close, counting down the minutes until you got to go back to your dorm but you couldn’t stand it anymore.

“For fucks sake, will you shut up?!” You screech at Terzo in anger, your voice rumbling out of your chest.

He looks shocked for a moment before that shock is replaced with fury. Terzo descends upon you quickly, snatching you by the back of your neck and getting right in your face. His nostrils are flared and his white eye is glowing with power.

You are ready to fight back until you notice his eyes flicker to your lips. You’re able to muster a confused sound as he crashes his mouth against yours. Just as Terzo had dominated your entire day, he dominated the kiss, his tongue possessively pushing past your lips.

You clutch his cassock, pulling him in closer to you. You’re walking backwards now, tugging him along with you until the back of your legs hit a stool and you trip. You fall on your ass in front of the Cardinal and you look up at him with bewildered eyes.

“It’s been a long day, why don’t we help each other unwind.” Terzo growls as he towers above you, already moving to remove his cassock. Your habit is already hiked up and your legs are spread, a blush creeping across your face.

“Yes, let’s .” You huff and spread your legs even wider. What in the hell is going on here? Your brain is complete mush now, all of your frustration turning into complete and total lust for the man that has been a pain in the ass all day.

He kicks the stool out from under your legs and sinks to his knees in front of you. There is no touching, no foreplay — he roughly grabs you by the hips and thrusts inside you. You scream, your hands flailing to grab hold of his shoulders.

Terzo is fully on top of you, his weight holding you down as he growls and moans against your neck. You wrap your legs around his waist, allowing him to sink even deeper into you. He is absolutely frantic, thrusting hard and fast into you as the sound of slapping skin fills the room.

The noises that are coming out of you are barely coherent but you do manage to bite and suck on his neck, making sure to leave marks. It seems like you’ve done something right finally because he gives a few breathy moans at the sensation.

“Cazzo, Sorella.” He growls against you, his hips jerking recklessly. You see that he’s close by the look on his face so you bring your hips up to his with each thrust. His mouth hangs open, eyes narrowing as he hisses between his teeth. One more thrust and he’s there, pulling himself out of her as he cums on your stomach, his cock pulsing.

Terzo sits back on his heels, his cock still in hand as he gasps for air. You are also gasping and you manage to prop yourself up on your elbows.

“Ha-ha.” You say weakly before you flop back on to the floor.

“What is it, Sorella?” He asks, his confusion evident in the sound of his voice.

“Finally got you to shut the hell up.”

[piracytheorist]

Macabre Theme and Variations (15/15)

Fandom: Spy x Family Word count: 1.9k for this chapter | 66k in total Rating: T Warnings: Non-permanent character deaths, graphic violence

Summary: Twilight wakes up. He works on his mission. He dies. He comes back and does it all over again. Each time a little different. (Inspired by the film Happy Death Day)

AO3 Read from the beginning: Tumblr | AO3

~

Chapter 15: Finale

~

BORF!

Pulled from sleep, Loid squeezes his eyes tighter.

No, no, not again! I solved it! I caught him–

Wait, didn't that borf sound a little louder than usual?

He hears a low yawn from his left, and then a small hand rests on his arm.

He opens his eyes.

They're there. Anya and Yor, lying next to him. Yor scrunches her face as she stretches her shoulders.

Bond is also on the bed, resting down with his head up.

Loid sits up with a gasp.

He did it. Tomorrow is here.

Then what's wrong with him? He feels happy, relieved. Why are tears streaming down his face? Why does he feel a sob make its way up his throat?

“Loid?” Yor asks as she sits up as well.

Anya rubs at her eyes as she opens them, immediate worry on her face.

“I—I don't know what—” he starts, words cut off from the sob that finally escapes. “I made it. I'm so happy, but...”

“It's okay,” Yor whispers, resting her hand on his back.

“Mama told me that sometimes you can be so happy you cry,” Anya says, in a voice that sounds too sleepy for the weight of her words.

He leans in on himself. More sobs come, and he finds himself unable to say anything else. They hold him, and Bond lies down, resting his head on Loid’s knees.

This can’t be a dream. He can not be imagining this.

He opens his eyes and looks at the alarm clock. Quarter past seven. He looks away then back again. Quarter past seven.

“It’s real…” he whispers through trembling lips. He leans his head sideways and onto Yor’s shoulder. A wave of warmth spreads through his limbs when he feels her leave a soft kiss at the top of his head, then brush her fingers through his hair.

Anya picks up his hand and kisses the back of it. His lips pull up in a shaky smile as he thinks that she probably also wanted to show her love.

Love. He’s loved.

He sighs and sniffles. “Thank you, both of you,” he says. “I don't know what I would have done if the day had reset again. Thank you for being here.” Anya nestles her face against his side, and he takes her hand in his, petting Bond’s head with the other. “Thank you too, Bond.”

Bond makes a soft, almost humming borf.

They stay with him as he calms down. It’s Anya who breaks the silence with a “Papa?”

“Hmm?”

“Anya has to go potty.”

Both Loid and Yor laugh quietly, and they pull back so she can climb down the bed. Loid watches her as she walks out into the hall and he half expects her to bump into the wall.

He smiles when he only hears the bathroom door open and close. He wipes the tear trails off his cheeks and sighs again. He looks at Yor.

The smile on her face feels like a bright, warm light that reaches right into his core. His lips part as she slowly leans towards him.

Her lips touch his and he closes his eyes, the warmth now spreading all inside him. He’s almost too scared to move, to break the moment, to abuse the trust she’s so freely giving him.

She pulls back too soon. He could stay kissing her like that forever.

Her hand caresses his cheek. He opens his eyes and he notices her cheekbones rise with a smile.

“Can you stay?” she says. “With us, I mean.”

He purses his lips. “I… I can try. I want to.” He pulls back to look at her, and her hand follows him. “It will be easier now that you know, but if something happens and I am compromised…”

“I can try helping you again.”

“Yor…”

“I don’t want to lose this, all right? I don’t want Anya to lose you.”

“I already feel selfish for wanting to stay. It could put you both in danger and I feel reckless for ignoring that possibility.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. And I can protect Anya as well.”

“But…” He sighs. “None of you deserve this.”

“Let me decide what I deserve for my own. As for Anya… we do what? Give her up?”

A lump forms in his throat at the idea. “You’ll stay with her, if I have to leave?”

“Of course I will. But if you leave… will you be able to contact us?”

“I don’t know. I can’t promise anything. I always consider the worst case scenario, always with the thought that I may get arrested or killed at any moment.” He grunts. “I now have to get used to being back on guard. The loop was quite successful in making me lower my defenses.” He looks at her and rests his hand over hers on his cheek. “If my cover is blown, they’ll interrogate you to no end.”

“I know.”

“And? You’re just accepting this?”

She doesn’t reply.

“What exactly did you talk about with Anya yesterday?”

She lowers her gaze and moves her hand, only to take his in both of hers. “If we’re to make this work, I need you to not worry about me and my decisions.”

“Well, if we are to do this, you should know that I have a sore spot for ignorance. The need to know everything about the situation I’m in is trained in me, and not knowing makes me anxious. You don’t have to tell me your secrets, but I want to know what you base this confidence on.”

“Myself,” she says simply. “I’ve learned that when knowledge doesn’t suffice, trust can make up for it.” She looks into his eyes. “If we’re not just assets to your mission anymore, we’re going to need you to trust us, alright?”

He swallows hard. Even when it comes to fellow spies, he never fails to consider the possibility of having to depend on his very own. “It’s not that I think you’re not properly equipped to deal with this. I just don’t want you to deal with this in the first place.”

“And why is that?”

She has a small smile on that gives a different tone to her voice; it makes him think her question is rhetorical.

She brings her body a little closer to his. “I can learn to trust you, if you can learn to trust in me. Can we make this work?”

He sighs, wrapping his arms around her. His head moves almost on its own as it leans on the side of Yor’s head. “We can try.”

“Hardest assignment we’ve ever gotten, right?” He hears the smile in her voice.

He smiles back, but he turns at the familiar feeling of being watched. At the same time Yor pulls back as well, and they both look at Anya, peeking at them through the open door.

Anya steps innocently to stand by the door frame. “Anya is hungry.”

Yor turns to him. “Let’s get this new day started then, shall we?” She gives him a quick peck and stands up.

He’s just about ready to lie back down and bask in the afterglow of what he’s just experienced, until he realizes he’d better not leave Yor alone in the kitchen.

He’s halfway into beating the eggs for an omelette when the phone suddenly rings.

They all turn to look at it; it’s half past seven on a Saturday morning. A shiver runs down his spine and his jaw drops slightly.

Yor looks at him with concern, as if asking him if they should even answer.

Loid puts the bowl down and walks to the phone. His hand is rigid when it reaches for the receiver.

“Hello, Forger residence.”

“Good morning! My name is Theodora Jester, I’m calling from Allora Inc. Can you spare five minutes of your time for a poll on favourite cereal flavours?” the Handler’s voice says. What it means is “Agent Twilight, confirm your identity.”

“Positive,” he says simply. There’s no need to hide anymore.

“YOU’RE ALIVE?” the voice screams in his ear so suddenly he cringes back, pulling the speaker away.

“Should I not be?” he says as the corners of his lips pull up.

“Would you care to explain why Headquarters are picking up continuous signals that say you’re dead?!”

His jaw clenches. Of course Pollux would have planned a posthumous message boasting about his win.

“Let me guess. The signals are from a former agent?”

“They’re—what?! What do you know? And again, how did you get all that intel you sent us yesterday?”

“Check the safe houses for bugs. The perpetrator is dead, but better remove them as soon as possible.”

“They’re requesting an emergency briefing. Today. Now.”

“Oh, good morning, Yor,” he says, turning to her and winking. He can practically hear the Handler grit her teeth through the speaker.

“Find an excuse and come to safe house B ASAP.”

Oh, come on. Is that how easily they think he’d betray them?

“Papa!” Anya shouts then bangs her fists on the wall next to him. She smiles at him, then starts fake crying.

He can barely bite back the laughter before the Handler hears it.

“What. Is. Going. On?!”

He cringes back as he turns away from a fake-crying Anya. It’s not often the Handler loses her patience.

“Give me an hour. I’ll be there, all right?”

“You’d better be.”

He can sense the impatience even in the sound her speaker makes as it’s hung up.

“Duty calls?” Yor asks, approaching him.

“Some long explanations are due,” he says and sighs deeply. As if spending almost the entire previous day explaining everything to Yor wasn’t enough.

She places a hand on his shoulder. It starts rubbing but the moment he stiffens from how painful it is, she gasps and snatches it back. “Sorry,” she says.

He looks at her and reaches for the hand that just touched him. His thumb caresses her fingers, as he thinks that the only person she’s been close enough to be physically affectionate with for most of her life was Yuri… and her physical touch was all Yuri had too, for years, so he’s used to it.

“Don’t be,” he says. “I appreciate it.” He smiles, and a cautious smile spreads on her lips as well.

“Just don’t kill him, Mama,” Anya offers.

“Don’t worry,” he says. “I can handle it… I think.” He brings the hand to his lips and kisses it. “I meant that too, what I’d said about your strength.”

She sighs in relief, her eyes glowing as they bear into his. She looks ready to kiss him again, but then her eyes drift to Anya and she retreats with a smile.

“Let’s finish breakfast, shall we?”

He watches them move into the kitchen, Anya blabbering about all the things she wants to put in her omelette – honey and chocolate sprinkles and cheese and, of course, peanuts – and Yor carefully putting a frying pan on the stove as she listens to her.

A new routine. One he cannot predict anymore, but that feels comforting to his soul nevertheless.

They have a ton of issues to sort out through. He’ll have to tread carefully with WISE, but if he could lie to civilians for the protection of peace… what’s some diplomacy with his agency for the protection of his family life?

He’s still smiling when he walks into the kitchen, picking Anya up and letting her sit on the counter opposite from the stove. He pours the beaten eggs into the frying pan and settles into the family morning.

~

~

Final author's notes:

*Franky didn’t appear in this chapter cause he went out drinking the previous night to celebrate winning the lottery, and he’s now sleeping in. He’ll come by in the afternoon to treat the Forgers to lunch!*

And thus, my longest fic to date, a beast 4k words away from being considered a novel, is complete! I cannot tell you how happy I am that I managed to write it and publish it in full. Writing it was an experience of itself, sharing it with you every week and seeing your reactions to each chapter is something I’ll never forget!

Thank you for making that experience unforgettable, and I hope the ending felt fulfilling and satisfying.

Thank you for following my story, thank you for all your lovely feedback, thank you for reading through my frantically typed words and making me feel they were worth the effort of editing and posting them!

Grand thanks to my beta, Jak_the_ATAT/@samatedeansbroccoli, for being there with help and support when I plagued them with questions about the story and for turning my nonsensical words into sensible sentences. Even when I had procrastinated asking them my questions and needed answers NOW, they were there and words will never be enough to show my gratitude <3

About the people commenting, my god, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the experience of posting a chapter, then opening my inbox a few hours later to see more and more comments the more chapters I posted. Seeing such a positive and immediate reaction to my posting literally made my day(s), thank you so much. I may not have the courage to reply to every single one of you, but consider this a reply to all of them, present and future comments: Thank you <3

If you followed the story while it was being posted, I love you. If you gave kudos, I love you. If you read through the whole thing after the story was completed, I love you. I know I’ve said it too much, but thank you. I wrote this story for myself, but seeing this positive response on it made me feel I belong. So, thank you. I love you.

P.S. I kept a tag on my blog where I posted about the (chaotic) process of writing this fic, along with a few relevant reblogs. You can check it out here, if you’re interested!

[phlebaswrites]

Tobirama/Izuna wip number 6, who gets amnesia? And can you give a somewhat more detailed plot for it? Totally understandable if you want to keep it more of a secret for now.

Aha! Numbers 6 and 7 are a matched set for the same prompt, but in the first one Tobirama is the one who loses his memory and Izuna is the one who loses his memory in the second one.

The one you asked about is the one where Tobirama gets amnesia, so you can have my initial thoughts on it!

They're a bit long, so I'll put them under a cut though! 😅

Tobirama is coming home from a mission and is ambushed. He kills everyone, but passes out with a concussion. And when he wakes up, he has no idea what is happening.

Where is he? What is he doing here?

And, most importantly, who is he?

Somehow, he can feel that this direction - he knows that it's east, but he has no idea how he knows that - is the right way to go.

It just…. feels familiar.

On the other side of things…

Izuna is out on patrol, when he sees Tobirama on the other side of the river.

Which is weird as fuck because Tobirama never comes here.

For all that they meet and they fight, he's never once seen Tobirama break across the border and he sure as hell wouldn't do it alone. Not when he can surely sense Izuna right there.

So what is going on.

Maybe it's a message from the idiot tree. In fact, that sounds exactly like something Hashirama would do.

Having failed at persuading nii-san to agree to a treaty by screaming at him on the battlefield - the stupidest idea that Izuna has ever heard of, no one can fucking hear anything over the roar of nii-san's fireballs, Hashirama's proposals have gone unheeded at least partly because they are unheard - this is probably an actual, formal message.

Well, fuck. Alright.

So Izuna squares his shoulders and steps forward to attract his rival's attention. "Well? Hand it over."

He may have to accept it, it's a freaking official message, but no one said that he had to be polite.

But Tobirama just stares at him.

And then he smiles.

What the hell.

Tobirama can actually smile! Izuna would have sworn that his face would crack before he did any such thing!

"You're Izuna!"

Okay, Izuna's day has officially gone from weird to weirder.

"Yes, that's me, you know my name, congratulations! We've known each other since we were eleven, fuck, just had it over already!" God, he wants to get back to the compound and away from whatever shit is happening here.

"It? Oh, of course."

And then Tobirama crosses the river.

Like it's nothing.

Like this is not the spot where they met, almost got killed by each other's fathers, and almost lost their brothers.

Like Tobirama has not just performed an act of war.

Izuna is so shocked that he does nothing as Tobirama walks right up to him and kisses him full on the mouth.

All he can say is "mph!"

He shoves his rival off.

He can feel the words crowding on his tongue but there are too many of them and they come out as incomprehensible gibberish. He waves his arms and stamps his foot.

Tobirama just looks at him with a mildly confused expression. "I'm sorry, did I do it wrong? Let me try again."

As Tobirama bends towards him again, obviously going for another kiss, Izuna finally finds his voice.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

Tobirama scratches his head, sheepishly. "Well, you asked, so…? I must admit that I'm guessing a little. I don’t know what it is about you…I just know that I can trust you. That you're important to me. Can you, perhaps, tell me who I am?”

Izuna boggles. "You don't know who you are???"

Tobirama blushes, obviously embarrassed. "Not really. But you obviously know me, so maybe you can help me out?"

Izuna blinks.

That.

That is flirting.

What. The. Fuck.

What is even happening right now!

His rival can smile! Kiss! Flirt!

aaaaaaaaa!

He spins around and stomps off.

Nope. That's it, he's officially done with today! It's over, he's going back to bed and when he wakes up tomorrow the world had better go back to making sense!

And then he hears the scuffle of leaves behind him.

He refuses to look around, even as he knows - he just knows - that Tobirama is following him.

He walks all the way home, blatantly ignoring his rival, pretending that there is No One There.

Right past the patrols, the sentries, and the gates.

All the way home.

But Tobirama never peels off.

Just walks right on his heels, right into the heart of Uchiha territory.

Until nii-san sprints out of the house and then comes to a screeching stop. "Izuna…" he says, slowly, "is there a reason that you brought the White Demon home with you?"

"Aha!" Tobirama says brightly, "So that's my name!"

And Izuna drops his face into his hands.

Fuck his life.

Just….

Just fuck it all.

[bracketsoffear]

Batter propaganda:

His main goal is to purify the world, which involves destroying it. However, he doesn't quite get to that point until later in the game. Early on, he is genuinely outraged at Dedan's cruelty and sets out to selflessly help several Elsens on the way. After seeing the awful status of the world and how awful the guardians are, his resolve in his mission sets, whatever empathy he has left erodes away, and his zeal becomes unshakeable.

The world of OFF relies on meat and smoke: without smoke, everyone will suffocate, and without meat, everyone will starve and/or eat each other ("Ils se devoraient"). Both of these elements are produced in Zone 1 and exported to the other Zones. Zone 1 is the first Zone to be purified, which means no more smoke or meat, so everyone is totally fucked already--but he doesn't even stop there, continuing on his mission of purification.

And what are "purified" Zones like? The world has gone completely white, every NPC is gone, signs and papers everywhere are completely blanked out, and the track is ominous music filled with whispering and sometimes the noise of someone slamming their fists frantically accompanied by muffled cries (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0K_xO8JltXc). While most of the whispersnote  are unintelligible, some of them sound like "What have they done to deserve this?" and "Why did you kill them?" You can occasionally hear someone cry, "Au secours!" which is French for "Help!"

Above: Zone 1, pre-purification.

Above: Zone 1, post-purification.

The enemies are replaced with demonic dolls called Secretaries:

Mortis Ghost (the game's creator) has stated that they are the reason as to why the Purified Zones are so desolate and empty, as they killed all of its inhabitants. These things are an improvement in the Batter's eyes.

In the purified Zone 2, a single, solitary Elsen resides in the corner of an out of the way house. He's the only living thing left in all the purified zones. When you talk to him, all he says is: "The specters are gone... The color is gone... Everything is gone... I'm finally safe..." But the name for the purified zone music is "Not Safe."

After purifying the Zones, the Batter faces off with The Queen:

He defeats her and goes on to confront Hugo--a literal infant:

You can guess how that goes.

After the..."battle"...here's the last exchange between Hugo and The Batter:

It seems The Batter justifies his actions as "saving" the world--he eradicates the darkness of a broken world where two of the Zones are ruled by despots, one Zone's inhabitants have become too afraid of everything to enjoy life, another's are hopelessly addicted to a drug made from the ashes of the dead (which is being exported to the other Zones, meaning they're on track to meeting the same fate), the whole place is infested with murderous ghosts, and the ruler seems totally disinterested in doing jack about any of this. His response to the catastrophic downward spiral of a world terminally dependent on industry and drugs is to cause even more terrible change by destroying it all--something that ought to sound familiar to Gaius fans.

This is furthered by the final showdown between The Batter and The Judge:

"Karin" is the name of the player in the video I'm getting these from. The Judge aided The Batter before, but now regrets his complicity in The Batter's crimes and seeks to prevent the apocalypse he has brought upon his own world. He calls upon the player to help him stop the destruction they've caused by guiding The Batter throughout the game.

If the player sides with The Batter, then...it's over. The Batter wins.

It's the end of everything. And it was always meant to be.

And even if the player sides with The Judge, it's already too late.

Sure, you can defeat The Batter...

But the world has already been destroyed beyond repair. Yet The Judge prefers letting this purified hellscape persist over allowing The Batter to turn the world OFF:

This is all that's left by the end is white nothingness. No matter what you do at this point, The Batter brought The Extinction.

Also, Hugo's death is implied to be extra tragic for several reasons. The world that we explore in OFF is utterly artificial. Liquid water has been replaced by plastic and the land is all metal. The Elsens themselves are implied to be artificial as well, unable to reproduce and seemingly just there to mold the world back into something resembling what it once was. Hugo represents the first hope that humanity in some form will survive the calamity that took place before the beginning of the game, as he seems to have been naturally born to his absent original parents. He and the Guardians of the Zones vowed to create a better world...

And Hugo even created parents for himself in the form of The Queen and The Batter...

And then his own son/father ended everything all over again.

.

[lovecolibri]

Everyone saying that Buck HAS to date a death doula to come to terms with almost dying. WTF??? He could, you know, go see Frank? Or Dr. Copeland, what happen to her? Or maybe talk again to Eddie, or Maddie, or Bobby, or Hen, or literally anyone???

People are twisting themselves into pretzels on here and on Twitter in order to justify the storyline as necessary for Buck processing his death. WHY.DOES.HE.NEED.TO.DATE.SOMEONE.TO.PROCESS.DEATH? And why does that someone need to be a woman if queer Buck/Buddie is actually in the cards?I've also seen people claiming a relationship would never work because of her profession, but he's in a profession that routinely sees death. These aren't convincing me.

Really, I'd bet any amount of money that the story is 100% just Kristen loathing the idea of Buddie and wanting to put Buck with another woman. And if/when the relationship doesn't work out, the general audience will still be like, "He's only ever liked women! He's straight!" Kristen's anti-Buddie mission will have been accomplished!

I'd love more than anything to be wrong, but I just don't see how people constantly spin these storylines as, "No wait, this means Buddie canon!" I already see many people who were positive that something would happen with Buck and Eddie in the finale backtracking while others are continuing on as if it would be totally normal to have Buck professing his feelings about Eddie one episode after he was with a woman.

Honestly, I know that I sound bitter towards fans, and while I'm...frustrated by people being willfully ignorant and then hurting themselves, I don't really blame them. Kristen is the one who is 100% responsible. But she'll continue to do this, and get away with it, if fans keep making excuses for these dumb storylines instead of rightfully complaining.

He could oh IDK, talk to CHIM who has nearly died twice?! A good, solid brother bonding moment? Look, I'm just...SO opposed to the idea (that a LOT of shows do) of dating someone just to work on yourself and figure things out so you can be ready for the ACTUAL person you want to be with. That's just....using people. Like,

So I'm side-eyeing TF out of people saying Buck needs to date this woman to figure out....whatever and that Eddie needs to date some new woman because...whatever reason so that they can become "better" for each other. Something something is that love? Shouldn't it be when you're at your worst and they're at their worst something something. They don't NEED to date these new women to make them "better ready" to date each other and it's kinda gross actually but ya know, I'M the misogynist because thought L was a terrible character and a waste of time. 🙄

I've never thought anything Buddie would happen this season, then I got a little hope at Ryan just absolutely slaying 6x10 and Buck's rescue but 6x11 and then knowing what all was coming up made it pretty clear to me where this season was headed. Do I think we could still get Buddie canon? Sure! Never say never until the show is over (and even then, they could still do a movie a few years later 🤣). I'm not currently planning to stop shouting about it or let the show off the hook just because they put Buck and/or Eddie with someone sufficiently pretty enough for other people to settle for that instead, and you know Timmy would just loooove to get the accolades for pulling off something "groundbreaking" like this (which is basically him stumbling into lightning in a bottle chemistry and then dicking around for 5 years which EYE wouldn't call groundbreaking but whatever). But even he has bosses and at this point it feels a bit like he got overruled so he fucked off to work on the other show and left OG to flounder it's way to it's end. I can WANT Buddie, and think the show still has done enough work to make it plausible, and still think it makes the most narrative sense, while still being skeptical of the show going through with it. Not even just regarding mlm ships, but 911 would NOT be the first show to undermine it's own narrative set up and logical character arcs for the sake of drama or just pure stubbornness by a showrunner that doesn't like how people are interpreting "their" show. It wouldn't be the first show to end leaving fans unsatisfied with the ending either. 911 used to be something different than you usually see with a procedural with more focus on found family and working dramatic things out in a logical and human way and it is still pretty much there, just with a lot more of the good stuff happening off screen, so I would hope it would treat it's storylines, cast, characters, and audience with a little more respect, but also, it's KR soooo not getting my hopes up on that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go read some fluffy fic before I scream myself horse or figure out how to molotov KR's office from my house with my brain.

[autopotion]

Thanks for the blog recs! And I love Delita/Ovelia too :,( they have such an fascinating and heart-breakingly tragic relationship. A little bit Shakespearean too. I read that fic you guys wrote and I thought it was so good and am looking forward to the rest of it. You mentioned that only a few fics have come close to your interpretation of their dynamic, what is it exactly if you don't mind answering? :0

Okay I'm so sorry for taking so long to get back to this, I was sitting on my answer for a super long time, wrote a huge response, didn't like what I wrote, and now we're here almost a whole month later. So I'll just try for coherent instead of articulate.

So there are a number of things I like about Delita/Ovelia that I look for in fic and such that I don't often see (such as a nuanced perspective on the class divide and an understanding of when and where their feelings develop [which I feel most people don't get quite correct]), but I'm just gonna go with the thing I care about the most, which is that if there was never a point of the narrative where they genuinely loved each other, the ending doesn't make any sense.

To me that's a no-brainer, but, just from some stuff I see circulating in the FFT fandom, I often wonder if other fans have drawn this same conclusion. I think folks like to focus in on the dysfunctional aspects (me too!), but weirdly enough I think they shy away from acknowledging the source of the dysfunction? Which is that these two characters care deeply about each other. Either this is coming from people who seem to believe genuine, warm love cheapens the dysfunction (which is a slippery slope into my beloathed "Delita is a wife beater" fics), or fans who like one of the characters and so don't want to show their genuine love, because they know if they're sincerely in love, that makes Delita's actions worse. WHICH IS THE POINT!

It's not a tragedy if they're not in love. Delita's problem is that, in his quest for the throne, he's even using the people he cares about--Valmafra calls him out for this in nearly as many words. If he doesn't care about Ovelia, that entire message is lost, and the ending ceases to have any parallel meaning to the Ramza situation (which we know can't be the case, because Ovelia CITES RAMZA as part of her reason for attempted assassination).

Also, think about the big betrayal scene. After he thinks Ovelia has already left, he gives Orran and Valmafra his wonderful villainous monologue, detailing what he's done and what he'd like to do. Like this is it, this is the thing that tells us what Delita wanted all along, after the entire game he's finally being open and honest about his schemes. And he specifies it's for Ovelia. He doesn't know she's listening, so it can't be part of a gambit to trick her--so he has to genuinely believe that that's what he's doing. Why would he insist that if he didn't care about her? He can't even admit to himself the level of cognitive dissonance he has about the situation because he loves her. When she stabs him, he doesn't expect it at all; it's this horrible, unpleasant surprise, and for a guy who has contingency plans all the way from A-Z, That Says Something.

And if Ovelia doesn't care about Delita, she has no reason to feel betrayed! You can't be betrayed by someone you don't trust, first of all. Second of all... this is more of a personal quibble, but. Okay. Picture a world in which Ovelia does not love Delita and, despite the big hug she gave him in one of the most important scenes in the game, doesn't trust him either. Ovelia's story, more than any other character's story, is about her soul-crushing loneliness. If she doesn't like Delita, then after she leaves Ramza's party, she is totally alone for the rest of the game. Save for that single interaction she has with Orran, suggesting she has at least one friend in the Southern Sky, she has no one except this guy she doesn't trust or like. Idk that just sounds miserable? Like, unflinchingly, disproportionately miserable? After she's already led such a miserable life? Tragedies are meant to be cathartic, but if there are no hope spots in Ovelia's life, no points of humanity and kindness and levity, it's not cathartic to me. She just led a horrible life in which she was a terrible victim and then died. That doesn't hold any meaning for me, personally.

After that critical scene mid-chapter three, they've addressed their loneliness and are now allies. They believe it's them against the world, and that they will rise to face it together. They're not alone anymore; they have each other. It's this beautiful, cathartic conversation that makes their doom inevitable. This is why Delita's betrayal even matters! This is what makes their particular tragedy so meaningful to me; it's not just Delita's Machiavellian wiles and Ovelia's deep-rooted paranoia that clinches their fate, but the basic, undeniable, extremely human need for companionship.

If they didn't love each other, Ovelia wouldn't have felt betrayed by the realization that he was using her, but if Delita hadn't intended to use Ovelia from the beginning, they never would've been in a position to love each other! It's that specific, unbreakable cycle that drives me absolutely crazy and makes me feel heretofore undiscovered emotions. You can't separate love from the tragedy. Love is the reason there is a tragedy. It's the title of Chapter Four, for goodness' sake.

Anyway. Not saying my spouse and I don't take our own massive liberties when writing them. We add a lot more humor and warmth than what's present in the game (since FFT is fairly somber and humorless). But all of those things are meant to accentuate the eventual tragedy, not argue with its very premise.

[patchesproblem]

formally requesting karl and joyce hcs once again 😌

though if you want things to be more specific,,,, maybe Thoughts about joyce's relationship with ein and tesla? or with karl in the AU for extra emotional damage

Writing this before I start writing the long paragraphs I have planned, so I'll update on my final 'what have I done' total soon.

To start off strong let's talk about Karl and Welt in the Main universe!

This is petty revenge for you reminding me of how hellish this game was last night Literally just a few minutes ago. </3 Don't worry, though. It's not too mind destroying. Yet.

Soon after Welt takes an L and 300,001 inhabitant of the HoR core I genuinely believe that Karl came looking for him. K

Not only because he was a new inhabitant of the core and might've been confused as to what was even happening, but because he wanted to meet him and thank him.

This'll sound weird, but hear me out. I assume Karl was aware of how much influence he had on Welt, and I assume he also knew what was happening outside to a certain degree. Because of his pure dad energy once Welt arrived he made himself known to him.

His reaction depends on whether or not he knew who Karl was (I don't remember if Einstein ever mentioned his name to him, idk), but once he realized I think he'd be terrified at first that he was there to beat his ass (as for why he'd be terrified, imagine your friends dead dad showing up as soon as you die. It isn't particularly comforting). Obviously, that's not the case, and instead Karl just tells him how proud he is of him.

He'd consider him his son, and would tell him that he was proud of everything he did, and how he managed to keep moving and how he never lost sight of his humanity. Would also say thank you for protecting everyone, and making sure that his daughter (Ein), her friend (Tes), and Emma were okay.

I feel like they'd talk with each other for awhile, and Welt would tell Karl about how far Einstein's come since he wasn't able to witness it for himself. He'd probably try to apologize for the eruption, but Karl wouldn't let him because he never blamed him. He views him as yet another innocent victim of the disaster, and never held anything against him. He'd pull out his psychology skills to try to help him realize that none of this was his fault, and that he couldn't have done anything to prevent it. He'd remind him that he's still a person no matter what his origins were. Even if he wasn't a human in the normal sense, he still had more compassion for others than most humans. He still fought to protect humanity despite their cruelty towards him, and Karl believes that he's done more than enough to prove himself to everyone.

Karl would basically become his dad at that point and would keep him company, and would probably introduce him to the other people within the core. I don't know. I just think that it'd be really sweet that even if Welt's life wasn't the best, the happiness he felt in the last few days of his short life continued beyond the grave. I want them to have their father son relationship even if they aren't technically alive anymore.

They'd bond over how much of a menace Einstein is and how she tormented them both at any chance she got. Though Karl would be terrified to learn that she's not still as bratty as ever, but that now she has an accomplice who's just as bad and that they actively make each other worse. Though he just loses his sanity upon hearing that not only do they make everyone's lives a living hell, they're also annoyingly gay and make everyone else suffer through it (He's very proud of her but is terrified. He already knows he'll lose his sanity once they're reunited again.)

Along with this I like to believe that Karl was with Welt all along. During his time as a lab rat I think he'd be there to comfort him and trying to make him feel better and to not give up. That's probably another reason that Welt was influenced by him the most due to him essentially being his 'inner voice' in a sense. I just think Karl would love him and consider him his son and be proud to say it. Living up to the Gustav name.

Also like to believe that Karl gave Welt the Gustav name, but he still kept Joyce in his name because he didn't want to lose the last remaining thing he had from Tesla. He either made it his middle name, or kept it has his last name and just has two last names.

He probably comforts Welt whenever he starts to miss Tesla and Einstein, and essentially gives him the therapy he desperately needed. He refuses to let him ever think that either of them hated him or blamed him for anything.

Anyways now for insanity and less depressing things.

I'll do what I did last time and section them these off based off of his relationships with Tesla and Einstein and then I'll do the entire trio because it'll be hellish otherwise.

Starting off with the besties who hate each other and want to throw each other off a roof but secretly care about each other more than anything and see each other as siblings but still want to kill each other.

Where do I even begin with these two.. They're terrible but I love them.

Starting off with a basic / kinda sad thing, they probably both understand each other on a basic level. Of course not completely, but they worry for each other. What I mean by this is mostly just because they both are clearly uh.. A bit.. Questionable mentally..

Tesla was worried about him when he first arrived (before she started threatening him over Einstein but hey a girls gotta have priorities ig.) Even at the end she was still worried about him and didn't want to see him hurting or in danger.

I feel like they'd silently help each other in a sense. Tesla silently forcing Welt to realize that he's cared about now and that he's not going to be hurt anymore (unless it's by her own hands). I've mentioned it before, but I feel like Tesla genuinely Does Care about him. She just doesn't like people getting close to her and she hates men just inherently doesn't trust people. Plus she afraid that she'd get sidelined by Einstein and pay more attention to him because she's a disaster but hey.

I like to think that even though it isn't shown much in the vn, I think that they hung out together often. I like to think she dragged him around often just to force him to see the light of day whenever Einstein was too busy ignoring both of them. I like to think that she also taught him a few sciencey-things and had him help her occasionally while working.

Welt's also Teslas rambling buddy. AKA he stays up to make sure she gets home alive at one in the morning when she's drunk and just listens to her ramble on and on when Einsteins asleep (which is always). Because of this rambling sessions he has learned the history of several different civilizations, philosophies, paintings / art works, weird space facts, alchemy things, and unfortunately enough for him, probably just how gay she is for her lab partner. Pray for him he just wants to read in peace. He's losing his sanity.

There's probably been a few times where she's just come home and started rambling on and on about how much she cares for the both of them and just threatens him until he says that he knows how much they care about him.

I think it'd be cute if they both secretly learn about the others interests in an attempt to be able to talk to each other about it even if they themselves are not interested. They're both questioning how the other just so happens to know so much about their interest but neither are smart enough to figure out what's really happening. Einstein is aware but she just doesn't say anything because it's funnier to watch them both get annoyed and get mad that they have 'such similar interests' despite the fact they're nothing alike.

I also think that after Tesla gave him his last name that he started reading works made by the author she took it from. I don't know why, I just think he knew the name must've had some sort of meaning to her and wanted to understand. I say this because she could've just made his last name "Dumbfuck" in a different language but she didn't.

This is going to go on the impression of 'Welt doesn't take an L within the first five seconds', but I think that once his birthday hits that she'd rope Einstein and Joachim in to throw him a party since he never got one before. Literally threatening everyone around her to make sure that it's perfect and then proceeds to deny having anything to do with it afterwards.

Also probably uses her salary to secretly buy him books and sneak them into his room without him knowing it.

This being said she still harasses him and bullies him half to death. She will continue her assault counter, and Einstein has a score board in their lab for how many times she's assaulted him.

Maybe she even has an 'assault jar' which is basically a swear jar but for assaults.

This is Einsteins feelings about the whole situation.

Moving on to Welt and Einstein. If you were expecting some sense of normalcy you are in for a surprise. She's just as bad as Tesla and we all know it. Though compared to Tesla and Welts friendship it's more kinda sane. Kinda. This sections probably going to be shorter than the other two just because I haven't really thought about them as much since their friendships explored more in the vn compared to the others. I'll throw a few of my misc. hc's at the end if I remember.

I'm not going to lie I think she was heavily interested in his existence and that's why he became their lab assistant specifically. Also wouldn't be surprised if Planck didn't play a part in getting him there. This is mainly just due to the fact yanno. Karl kinda took an L and Welt was the only remaining survivor. Obviously she wasn't interested in the 'I want to study your existence, lab rat' type of way, but more of a 'wow maybe I can finally figure out what happened and not have to suffer for the rest of my life not knowing what happened.'

Just like Tesla she relentlessly bullies him. This man can not get a break. Though the main difference is that because nobody can read her it's 30x more effective because it can either be a serious insult, or a joke, and you'll never know.

If he hadn't taken an L I think they would've been besties honestly. I know you asked for my hc's but I'm stealing your hc and you can not stop me (/lh). I think that she'd encourage him to get into astrology and probably help him out with it. Probably pull a few strings to help get him into university classes to get his degree so he can sit at the cool kids table (Teslas at the cool kids table just because she's too powerful and doesn't need a silly piece of paper). Also just miiight pull a few strings to get him a job just for the funsies. She's a bit questionable but hey, whatever works works yanno. Gotta do what you have to do sometimes.

Also they 100% just find the most random shit to do just to annoy and confuse Tesla to hell and back. The rock game was only the beginning, they will find the most obscure game or even make one up just for funsies. She will harass both of them equally. Have to keep balance somehow ig.

Now for the trio because dear god whoever thought putting these three together was a good idea just hates humanity.

Chaos trio. They're insane. They bully each other. They drive each other insane. 1/3 is homophobic only against the other two in particular. Gay rights for everyone except them.

Okay so it's hell on earth (/lh). They all get along and they're essentially those three friends who if you didn't know any better would think hated each other. They drag each other along for their shenanigans and support each other no matter what. They're ride or die, basically. Quite literally.

Einstein plays on both teams and will bully and harass them equally with no loyalties. The bullying is different between the two for obvious reasons, but it's bullying and harassment nonetheless.

I like to believe that Tes and Ein took Welt along with them whenever they were leaving to go investigate / study something (Under the assumption he lived for more than five seconds) just so he didn't have to stay alone.

Tesla drags them all along to go outside to spend time with each other under the guise of "I'm bored and want to talk to Lieserl. I guess you can come too" despite the fact she intentionally does it in front of him so she doesn't have to ask him herself and make it look like it's out of obligation.

All three of them basically full on become Joachims older siblings and treat him like he's their little sibling. They will spoil this child without any regrets or remorse. Though Welt's terrified of the other two watching him because they are the last people who should be near a kid.

OH AND Tesla continuously forces the three to take pictures together so that they can make a little photo album to keep.

Also they'd eventually get a cat just because. Hell on earth, truly.

Oh and none of them can cook. Nobody should be allowed near that kitchen yet somehow they are. Three walking disasters of human beings, truly.

I have so many more but I've been writing so long they've just. Escaped my mind and it's driving me insane. I'll remember them eventually and make another post but here's what I have rn

[mencnfire]

g, r, t, x for volgin

🍎 ｡:*• ─ SEXY ABC. › ( a list of questions, from A to Z, to help develop some headcanons about our muses. most questions are nsfɯ, so please make sure you’re not a minor and read at your own risk ! )

G ─ Games. Do they play any games involving sex  ( like adult board games, throwing dice to decide what’s their next position, engaging in roleplay, food play, etc… ) ?

i feel like volgin is too impatient to do this when it actually comes to sex. i think, outwardly, he's the sort who will tease a lot & play games in like, a setting in which he can't have sex in. so, if he's in a work environment with a lover - he'll absolutely tease them sexually - knowing they can't get off and he's winding them up. but, in the bedroom - he just hasn't got the patience for that unless it is bdsm / violence themed bordering on torture. man's got no chill .

R ─ Recording. Have they ever filmed themselves having sex ?  Did they watch it together afterwards ?  Has anyone else seen their videos ? 

i mean, i could see volgin 5000% doing this and referring back to it when with partners. like, he's the kind of man - he'd bang his partner on tape and then whenever his partner gives him shit for something, he'd whip out the recording like 'EXHIBIT A-'. he's very much the sort who has an ego and gets off on that ego; he likes the attention, the praise. i feel like filming himself having sex with a partner would be something he'd never think of but when done, would be a huge kink.

T ─ Turn ons & offs. What do they do to turn each other on ?  Is there something the other does that turns them off ?Have they told them about it ?

turn-ons

man's a total sadist and absolutely gets off on violence. i'd delve into the psychological side of it but i've already alluded to past experiments making him sort of 'used to' pain. i mean, look at the scars on his body - they're /DEEP/. i feel like, as a means to deal with his own agony, he sort of hypnotised himself into getting off on it ( and i know that sounds insane but i feel that makes a lot of sense - i'll make a proper post about it someday! )

he's an ass-man ; no matter the gender, the man loves an ASS. he has a strong preference for anal sex & generally will admire his partner's ass like it's made of fuckin' gold. the man eats ass like its his final supper.

lowkey? being dominated - this is a kink he'll keep private, but certainly something he'll indulge in given the partner. i imagine his relationship with ivan is a lot of give and take - like, ivan gives just as much as he takes. despite being seen as the 'twink' or the 'effemenate' one, in the bedroom - he can be just as dominant as volgin. volgin enjoys being submissive dependent on the partner and does 'bottom' (i hate that term sm).

turn-offs

roleplaying / pretending to be other people - that sort of thing. volgin is a very 'in the moment' type of guy, he doesn't get off to the idea of someone being somebody else (which is funny considering he's surrounded by spies AND sleeping with one).

sensual / slow / sweet love or gentle love. he's hotblooded and full of rage, the man enjoys rough love making ( hell, even when he's kind - he's rough ). he isn't a fan of foreplay or taking your time. sometimes, he can't contain himself. he's a very over-the-top lover.

mutual masturbation / edging - he's way too impatient for this and will only get frustrated by a partner not 'giving it up' so quickly. he's not entirely turned-off by this, it just gets him worked up.

X ─ X-rated. Do they watch any x-rated movies ( porn ) ?  Together or alone ?  Do they have a favourite type ?  Do they try to reenact them afterwards ?

aw man, because of the timeline of mgs and where volgin exists in it - i imagine porn isn't exactly a /huge/ deal but i do see him as having a magazine / photo collection here and there. he favours gay porn 1000% and has a leaning toward bondage / hardcore. he does / will view 'straight' stuff but doesn't enjoy it as much as the other. he's never tried to imitate anything because he's very much 'his own man', he just does whatever he wants. he's such a selfish lover

[taz-skylar]

hi roh!

no worries about the late response, as you can see I'm also sending this kinda late myself - it's been another hectic week. I hope this week was kinder to you! the previous one really did sound very busy with all your tests and deadlines 🫠

lkadskf I feel like if I share what animangas/ other shows I like it would be a dead giveaway to who I am 🤡 for now, let's just say one of favorites is haikyuu 🌝

same here! I'm trying to keep up with a couple of currently airing animes as well, spy x family and blue lock being two of them. I've watched link click (earlier this year I think)! how are you finding it so far?

oh I'm terrible at keeping up with release dates and what's upcoming tbh so it's more likely instead that I'll have to ask you or some other people what's good 🥲 for now, I'm just waiting for new seasons of a couple of shows (including link click). I think the one new anime I'm waiting for is solo leveling (I didn't read the webtoon though)

question of the week! who is/ are your favorite character(s)? ishas there been any character you've related to?

- your animanga secret santa 🦖

it's been a long month fjlakdjf i had a final on monday and now i have to get through 5 more over 4 days starting on monday so lots of studying happening right now, especially since my first 2 finals are the harder ones 😭 fjaldkfja i feel like the only animanga that would give you away was if you like op since there's not as many fans of the series as i'd like there to be but also haikyuu is so much fun so i love it so i can already tell you have great taste! how are you liking sxf and blue lock so far?? i love the way those 2 series are just totally opposites and i love watching them one after another because they're both so fun in their own ways. like legit, i know blue lock isn't a comedy, yet my sister, moh, and i are laughing too much during each episode bc i love their dramatic antics and i'm so glad to see it all being played out on screen now. i've only seen the first 3 episodes of link clink so far but i really like it so far!! moh and i are loving watching it and theorizing to the max about it as much as we can during our watches (since i haven't been able to join all of amc's watches). i gotta warn you that i'm like super bad at keeping up with what's coming out so i'm probably the last person you want to ask for recs, but i can definitely direct you to some people who have simply the best recs !!! oooo solo leveling is another one that's on my list (dw i didn't read the webtoon either faldkfja) to answer the question of the week: my favourite characters are: roronoa zoro and nami (one piece), oikawa tooru (haikyuu, which is probably unsurprising bc of my sideblog's url), dabi (boku no hero academia, even though i've given up on bnha ever being a good story), nakahara chuuya (bungou stray dogs), zeno (akatsuki no yona), minako aino (sailor moon), and sherlock and william moriarty (yuukoku no moriarty) characters i relate to: unfortunately i've found myself relating to luffy (one piece) after october 2021 a lot, which definitely sucks and nakahara chuuya due to our bodies betraying us but i also am relating hard to mizuno ami (sailor moon) right now bc of all the studying, roronoa zoro bc he sleeps a lot, miya twins always bc moh and i fight like them all the time, wei wuxian and kamado tanjirou bc of our protectiveness over our siblings, edward elric bc of my shortness i asked @luffys who she thinks i relate to and she immediately said asta (black clover) bc i'm screaming at her all the time, which to be fair is always valid bc she's a dipshit, and she also said i relate to murr (vanitas no carte) bc i'm always done with everything but mostly her, she also said a character from free but she was just trolling me with that since she knows my opinions on that show fladkfj

thank you for the questions, bud!! they were super fun to answer 💙

[aijamisespava]

Favorite Song From Each Country! Part 5/37: Portugal!

I'm back! Sorry I forgot to update yesterday. I had a very busy day and couldn't sit down to write the post. I know that I could just...write them ahead of time, but I am a total procrastinator and will put things off to the last second!

So now, I'm here to work on today's entry for My Favorite Song From Each Participating Country Picking From My Outdated Ranking Pool Of Songs From 2009 To 2023! I'm sure we all know the drill at this point, but if not, well...I just talk about my favorite entry and give my take (some of which are very unpopular opinions) on the 2023 song...or my 2nd favorite entry if my favorite entry happens to be the 2023 entry!

Here we go! Next up is...Portugal!

Portugal is the most recent country to have added their name to the list of countries to have won Eurovision at least once, having done so in 2017, about 6 years after the last time a country won Eurovision for the first time. They are also very well known for using their own language for most of their entries, and making sure those entries feel like their culture. In other words, they're not ashamed to be themselves, which is what brings their charm in the contest.

Favorite Entry: I mean, I did kind of hint at it in the intro to Portugal segment when I mentioned the year they finally scored their first win. Salvador Sobral's 2017 song "Amar Pelos Dois" is a very soft, romantic feeling song. And the ambiance feels like the background to a romantic moment. I don't have too much to say about this entry because a lot of it has already been said since it won. RANK: 1st in 2017 Grand Final/PERSONAL RANK: 3rd of 42 Countries

Thoughts On The 2023 Entry: I mean this in the best way possible when I say that Mimicat's "Ai Coração" sounds like a musical number. Not only does it live up to what I said earlier about being in the Portuguese language and feeling like the culture, this song literally COMES TO LIFE! It's fun from start to finish and it's super easy to get into your head. I feel bad ranking it where I did because I wanted to rank this higher, but there were others that I liked more. However, it's never too late to add to the playlist! Also, curse you death slot Mimicat could have gotten a better result if it weren't for starting 2nd...RANK: 23rd in 2023 Grand Final/PERSONAL RANK: 25th of 37 Countries

[fizzingwizard]

Haven't vented about work lately, but not for lack of material, lol

Recently my peace of mind at work is shattered. You'd think that would have already happened, given all the stresses, but I was comfortable. Not stress-free, but I liked where I was at better than any other place I've worked before.

Our school felt like a team where each member cared about each other professionally. Not just people who work together by coincidence. There was drama sometimes. But not half as much as other places I've worked. And we always tried to make sure we reached out to each other to support each other, and thought about how our actions would affect someone else. We didn't half-ass stuff because we care about our coworkers and our students.

But there are a billion things wrong in how the school functions, and in what the company expects of us versus what a human being is capable of getting done in a single day, even using up her own break time, or staying late - despite a salary of peanuts and no paid overtime for "prep" work.

If that was all, it was bad, but I really thought to myself, "Every job sucks in some way. If you go somewhere else, it might suck worse." Because unfortunately I know that from experience.

But now we have all learned our assignments for the new school year. Out of ten teachers, four are quitting. A fifth left earlier this year for medical reasons and said she'd be back, but it looks like she won't - and it also is sounding like the reason she won't be back isn't medical. A sixth left in the summer, saying she had unresolved issues with the company and couldn't stand it anymore. And a seventh left in March of last year, which I'm counting in the list of recent exits because her reason for leaving was work stress.

So seven school staff leave in one year. Many of them are veteran teachers with ten years of experience. Three have leadership positions. We have had several other teachers come for one year and leave, or come for half a year and leave. The staffing issues are chronic. You'd think the company would try as hard as possible to hold on to the veterans. But instead they're blaming them. I got told that these coworkers formed a group to quit together and it sounds like it includes some teachers at other campuses. I don't know if it's true that they decided this as a group or not. I also got told that our leaders did a bad job of leading, our school manager did a bad job of keeping the head office informed of issues our school was having, and that other leaders disliked how our leaders ran our school to begin with.

They just blamed and blamed and blamed. But the problem is, even if some of it is true, what I know is that it's thanks to those leaders that we got through these past years, which were really difficult in many ways. One leader was absent for weeks at a time due to medical issues, and we all wanted to support her, but it's true that her absence was tough on us. But it was toughest on her co-teacher, who was left with all the work for her class up to her alone. All the prep and planning and looking after the kids and communicating with their parents and being responsible for everything about them. This went on for half a year. We kept asking for her to have a permanent sub, but the best we could get, we were told, was random subs who would sometimes show up and more than often wouldn't. Some of them could only stay for half days. They didn't know the kids. They didn't help with prep work. This teacher was totally bogged down with way too much to do, and despite doing it all with a smile, she finally broke down and cried. And THAT'S when the subs appeared - before that we were all taking turns leaving our own classes to help in hers, because we kept getting told there were no subs, there were no subs. And we kept having to help after the subs were assigned anyway, because the school got so many new students but was hemorrhaging teachers. It felt like we were all needed everywhere all the time.

After about a month the subs just stopped showing up. Then in January, a teacher from a different class was permanently reassigned to the partnerless teacher's class. It was not either of their request or demand. The company just couldn't find anyone to hire, so it plucked a teacher out of the class she spent all year bonding with and dumped her in another without even telling her in advance. She found out the same way we all day: in our daily meeting.

Guess who's among those quitting? The partnerless, overworked teacher, and the teacher who was removed from her class two months before the end of the year. And I'm supposed to believe the problems at the school are their fault?? These people who worked and sacrificed more than anyone???

As for the leaders. The one who is sick can't help being sick. A different leader is the one dumping all the blame, and she told me about this leader's mental health. I didn't ask because I would never do that. I don't know that the laws in Japan are about medical confidentiality, but I think it's gross that she told me about my coworker's mental health problems without permission no matter what. She seemed so desperate to blame my coworker and make me be on her side instead. The only side I'm on right now is my own, but I'm also going to defend the people I think deserve defending. The sick coworker wasn't perfect and did give me trouble sometimes, but she was a hard worker and could also be very nice, and certainly did a lot for our school.

The one that bothers me the most is our second leader. The new leader blames her for nearly everything. She didn't make our schedules right. She didn't inform the head office of things right. She didn't follow through. She didn't this and that and and and. Here's what I know: This second leader is my co-teacher, and she's one of the best people I know. She is an excellent teacher, amazing with little kids, super patient even with the most intense students - all of which by itself should be enough to make ANY company try as hard as they can to keep her. (By the way, the whole entire world to its own detriment INSISTS on undervaluing teacher skills, especially skills with very young kids. Please knock on your own heads, everyone, and ask yourself if it is really so simple to take care of little ones who are nonverbal, don't understand time, have no fine motor skills, scream at the top of their lungs for hours, and don't even know themselves why they're upset a lot of the time, and do it in a way that is always loving and kind and also just challenging enough to push them to the next milestone. ECE is HARD WORK. Not saying it's the same as working in a coal mine. Not saying it's brain surgery. But it's real work and everyone has such high expectations of their ECE teachers while also treating them like the lowest kind of teacher there is.)

But on top of all that, the second leader also did everything she could to help us deal with the understaffing. She found ways for us to take breaks on days when it seemed impossible. We are not paid during break time, so the fact that we are always working through at least half if not all of our breaks is literally us working for free. She went from class to class herself helping wherever she could, even though she missed being in her own class. She listened to the complaints and did what she could to alleviate them. She organized events and simply made sure our school functioned.

How am I supposed to believe this person is to blame for our problems? As far as I can see, she is the ONLY reason our school didn't sink totally this year. Literally THE ONLY reason. Our manager this year is brand new, always busy, and never on top of everything. I like her, but she really needed the second leader's help. And even though the new leader says the second leader didn't tell her about the issues at our school, we are doubtful, because they certainly knew about it the fall when they finally started sending subs. (In fact, the new leader was one of the subs who would come! How did she not notice anything when she'd stop by? To be fair she would only come for half a day, but still.) And the new leader says she didn't know about the first leader's chronic absences. But why? Whose job is it to look at the attendance?

I don't know, maybe more should have been reported about that, at least for the sake of the coteacher who was so overworked due to being alone. What happened to her was definitely not far. But at the same time, this company clearly has issues with anyone dealing with anything but perfect mental health. I actually warned a new coworker just the other day to be very careful about mentioning her personal mental health to management because thanks to this instance as well as others I just don't trust that this company gives a shit. I do! Don't get me wrong. I think my coworkers mental health matters a lot for their sake, and also for our students' sake! You know, if you have kids, and you're very angry, better to take some time apart and cool off, even if you're afraid to be seen as a loser for walking away from a fight, because adults are so much more powerful than kids and losing your temper for a minute can be terrible! It's important for teachers not to be at the end of their rope. Or, like the rest of us, just completely exhausted from doing a workload meant for several more people than are currently staffed.

But the new leader is acting like these teachers decided to get "burned out." That is the issue. It's not about the leaders or the other teachers. The reason we struggled is because we were understaffed and have been for years, and it's gotten worse. On top of the understaffing, more and more work was piled on too. Last year I broke down at one point, because we were so unbelievably busy that getting it all done felt totally impossible, and I had just been told that we now needed to plan and perform a teacher's skit for the holiday performance, which was like a week away. It was so irrelevant - I promise the parents don't want to see us perform, this performance used to be for the benefit of the older kids in the audience, but due to covid there weren't going to be any! It was so ridiculous so I said, "We don't need you to add more stress, we need you to take some stress away!" And the skit did end up vanishing into thin air, thank goodness. It's stuff like that that really pushes me over the edge because it's so unnecessary. Like this week a coworker is being sent to a different school to learn their routine because she is transferring there next term. I'm like why? Why does she have to go now instead of learning in April like the rest of us? Maybe there is a good reason, but the fact of the matter is we are understaffed and we need all hands on deck, especially if anyone calls in sick. Yet this teacher's being sent away to learn something she won't need to do until next term. If she COULD learn in April, they should have done it then.

But they are doing this sort of thing all the time. Just take our staff and make them do extra things, then act so shocked when we say we feel overworked and neglected. "How can you feel that way! We had no idea you were stressed!" No idea?? You thought this amount of work was reasonable??? That's what scares me. Because here is the 100% truth: I don't even get the bare minimum of my job done. We have lesson plans we turn in every month, and they include art projects, sensory projects, science experiments, dramatic play activities, phys ed activities, activities for fine motor skill development, and more. All of which we plan and prepare all the materials for by ourselves. Guess what? WE DON'T GET IT DONE. I don't have the TIME to do it all. I do as much as I can, but even then I'm hurrying through things or working on them while the kids eat lunch (and eating my own in three bits lol). We don't have the money either lol. Company has a very strange idea of how far our monthly stipend can stretch. Why does a class with ten students get the same budget as one with twenty, by the way???

And I'm just talking about the bare bones of my job. That doesn't include: planning and preparing events and assemblies, cleaning the school, making posters, putting together student crafts and photos, holding conferences, having school meetings, doing progress reports, doing other paperwork, and prepping and teaching electives (which we are required to do - I am currently doing one which I'm not required to as well, but me and my coworkers were basically guilted into it because the teacher at a different school who was doing it before unexpectedly needed longer paternity leave and after we helped out for a month, we were thinking of saying no to doing it longer, when we found out the teachers at that school were complaining about us not being willing to help. Like, my dude, we already ARE. Anyway, we kept helping for six months lol. This class is our "choice" to teach but it sure didn't feel like a choice.)

These things take time!!! I get at most an hour of prep a day, usually chopped up into 15 or 30 min blocks. And we don't have any space. All the rooms are in use at all times and the staff room is basically a closet. I've done work sitting on my butt in the hallway. And I don't even always get that hour. That's why I use my break. Because I don't want my kids to suffer - and I don't want to be told I'm a bad teacher because I didn't get my work done. But it's impossible to do it. Literally just impossible.

It's ridiculous. They are two years olds. When I taught elementary school I did NOT have this much to do lmao.

And the company finds ways to cut costs everywhere. There used to be a cleaning service: now we clean instead (during our break time!) and the school gets a professional deep clean twice a year. There used to be only one teacher on nap duty. Now local law requires two. Did the company do anything to make up for the loss of prep time? Nope.

Some things are so infinitely stupid it drive me crazy. Like how after taking the kids' temperatures when they wake up, we have to write it down in two different places, even though management AGREES that one of those is redundant and parents dont even look at it. It was a covid measure of extreme stupidity. We've asked for it to go. Nope - it stays, despite being useless! And instead of that going away, we have now been given a THIRD thing we have to start recording that we didn't before! We have to write all these things down while also changing diapers and taking kids to the toilet and giving them snack and watching so they dont choke and making sure allergy kids get the right snack and cleaning up the tables chairs and floor and sending kids home with their parents and talking to the parents about things that happened during the day without forgetting any of it. Meanwhile the kids are kids and are playing. Who do they think is watching them with all this endless other stuff to do?????

BIG SIGH

So the teacher who aren't quitting: One is becoming a sub and based at a different school. Three are being transferred to other schools. Only me and one coworker will be left. ONLY THE TWO OF US!!!!

We will have an ENTIRE new team in April. I'm told there will be a few experienced teachers transferring in. But most will be new hires. And on top of that... The company CAN'T FIND enough new hires! So we will be understaffed AGAIN. Which is a BIG PROBLEM because GUESS WHAT. We are going to have even MORE students next year! And events and assembles etc will be much bigger and more involved than they were before, because we are returning to the pre-covid school calendar. I'm absolutely buckling under the pressure of thinking about the workload. It's not sane.

That's why I had the talk with the new leader. I really wanted her to understand from a teacher's perspective how absolutely bonkers it is that they want us to take on this many students with a staff this is almost completely new and still isn't up to the number of staff we're supposed to have. AND we'll be minutes both leaders! We will have the new leader, but she will only visit us now and then. The previous leaders were on campus every day (when they were healthy) and knew the school inside and out.

Like always I wondered if I'm totally overreacting because I don't like sudden changes. But all my coworkers are too. The ones who are leaving have been going out of their way to do whatever they can to make things ready for April. The ones who are staying (aside from me and the other teacher, the manager is also staying) are stressing out same as me. That's why I talked to the new leader, because I don't like sudden changes without reassurance that all the necessary preparations have been made. And I am NOT reassured. Mostly she just blamed my coworkers for everything! She didn't assign any responsibility to the company at all. It's not the company's fault it hasn't been able to hire any help for the past three years apparently! Surely it's got nothing to do with the lousy pay they offer or the very high English ability they require -__- My gosh, if you can't raise the pay then lower the English requirement. For heaven's sake. You can't act like you're Richie Rich's school with only the best of everything if you don't have the money. You certainly don't pay your teachers like they're working there. We scrub toilets on our breaks and then get a fifteen dollar raise at the end of the year, lol.

I have so much more to vent about here but this is already long and infuriating enough. I have strawberries in the fridge so I'm going to eat them.

On the bright side my students are adorable and I love them to pieces. The weather today was so beautiful so I let them play outside for a full hour. Would love to do that way more, it's a matter of the outside play area being small and other classes needing a turn too. But today we were lucky and could have it all to ourselves. I had the most peaceful time sitting in the grass blowing leaves around with my students. There was no stress then at all. And they didn't fight or argue or cry. They even shared toys without needing help. Literally a picture-perfect class as long as we were out there. That is the reason I love this job and this age of kids. They are so creative and so unrestrained by the opinions of others. This is the only time in your life you can be truly yourself without needing to make a conscious effort at it, and without being afraid of how other people will treat you for it. Honestly that's why I like kids so much better than adults. Kids can be horribly mean. But at least they're honest. Adults are nice to your face but hating you under the surface. I've always hated that, I think most people do, but unless we follow the social contract I guess we'd all be killing each other all the time.

Anyway, this innocent age is so important. So I want to keep working with these kids, but I don't know how much longer I can do it. Here, anyway. We'll have to see what else is out there that could be better. I'm not a money-minded person, but it would be nice to get paid more than peanuts, because I hear there aren't enough white babies *eye roll* and if you want me to go start making some I'm gonna need to be able to pay for them. But it's my own fault for choosing a job which pays peanuts. Taking care of young kids is vitally important but economically worthless, and having a baby is vitally important but economically worthless.. go figure *eyes rolling down the hill over the bridge down the lane.........*

[cumulohimbus]

It is finally done! I have single-handedly vetted every single book that remained in my library's former collection. These were forced to be uncataloged by administration for a number of reasons, primarily that the former library space (seen in the images below) is not up to code and must be demolished in the near future, and the current library space is less than half the size of the original.

I started looking through our old books (and old they were; a solid majority having been published in the 1980s and 90s) back in October of last year, and I quickly found that there are many I believe are worth keeping as I have personally met students that I know would take an interest in them. I even found some rare books! This led to me drafting a plan (which my supervisor approved) to bring one of the sets of old library shelves over to the current library space along with whatever books from our old collection I deemed worthy of hanging onto for now (though I won't be re-cataloging them for the time being should that incense administration). In order to rearrange the space, I needed to completely go through the remaining books and pick out a fraction of them to hang onto, enough to reasonably fill a single set of shelves. If I had to make a guess there were probably close to around 1,700-1,900 books in total.

The stacks pictured below account for about 2/3 of the items we will be donating/disposing of. The rest are already in boxes off in a corner. I looked over each and every one of them by hand, taking into consideration a number of different factors about each before deciding which ones to keep and which to get rid of.

This maybe sounds like it would be fun or not take too terribly long, but with tons of other job responsibilities (largely in a different building as well) this was a massive endeavor to have achieved solely by myself. And it was really hard to have to say "we can't keep this" to more than half our former collection...if I could have made the call to keep all of it, there are really only a couple things I would have chosen to get rid of because they are simply so outdated that they no longer have any modern relevance. It hurt to have to be so selective, especially as someone who writes and creates various things in my free time. Like, people really took the time--months, if not years of work--to write and publish all of these books, and even if they're on subjects that I know little to nothing about or fundamentally disagree with, they were all still someone else's craft, someone else's passion. And I mean, I do think some books really ought to be destroyed, but those are a minority.

Anyways...time to give my library a bit of a makeover. I'm super excited to see how it's going to turn out!