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Action Comics #700 (June 1994)

"THE BATTLE FALL OF METROPOLIS"! Metropolis falls, quite literally! But, on the bright side, so does Lex Luthor, because Lois Lane finally busts his ass after 700 issues (give or take).

This super-sized anniversary issue starts with Lois recapping all the dirt she's dug up on "Lex Luthor Jr." during the past several months, including the fact that he's actually the original, supposedly dead Lex Luthor in a clone body. Lex tried to have Lois discredited by planting wacky headlines with her byline at the Daily Planet's computers and framing her for financial crimes (on top of blowing up her apartment), but now she finally has hard evidence of his crimes thanks to her informant at LexCorp, only known as "Deep Quote." (Is this the first reference to Linda Lovelace's oeuvre in a Superman story? Comics and/or porno historians, sound off in the comments.)

Despite having been fired from the Planet (see: "wacky headlines" above), Lois manages to present her evidence in front of Commissioner Henderson, Perry White, and Planet owner Franklin Stern... who still thinks this cloning business sounds like "science fiction." That's a weird thing to say when you live in the DC Universe. Hell, there's a whole government agency devoted to cloning just outside Metropolis! Or maybe I should say there was, because, right when Stern is about to apologize to Lois, everyone hears a massive explosion coming from Project Cadmus' direction -- as seen last issue, some of Lex's armored henchmen just dropped a goddamn mountain on Cadmus while fighting Superman and Superboy.

Superboy, who was all laughs last issue but seems to be taking his friends' apparent deaths much harder now, wants to look for survivors, but Superman again tells him there's no point, because "there's no one alive in Cadmus that needs our help anymore." Instead, they go look for the Lex-Men who caused this whole mess so they can bring them to justice. They're soon joined by Supergirl, who takes every opportunity she can get to destroy LexCorp property since breaking up with Lex himself in her recent miniseries (and that was before she found out he's actually a creepy old guy in a young body).

Meanwhile, Lex (whose clone body is rapidly deteriorating) is hiding in his yacht with his most faithful cronies, his scientific aide Dr. Sydney Happersen and his long-time physician Dr. Gretchen Kelley, the same woman who pretended to be his "mother" for the Lex Jr. ruse. Since Lex is gonna be here for a while, Dr. Kelley volunteers to go to the city and pick up some meds for him. Lex thinks that's a great idea... until he sees Kelley on TV, spilling the beans on his whole operation to Lois. That's right, Kelley was "Deep Quote" all along! Which was pretty obvious if you've been paying attention, but then again Lex has a long history of rejecting the obvious.

Kelley also spilled the beans on Lex's location to Superman, who suddenly bursts into the yacht to nab him once and for all. But Lex has an ace that he's been hiding up his sleeve for a long-ass time: a slew of "sonic torpedoes" reverse engineered from tech left behind by the alien invaders from DC's 1988 Invasion! crossover, which he hid somewhere under Metropolis in case he ever felt like pulverizing the city. Lex, who thinks he'll die any moment, seems perfectly willing to take millions with him -- until Superman asks him if he really wants the people of Metropolis, "his" city, to remember him as the guy who blew the whole place up. The "American Hitler," as Superman puts it.

Lex, who got into this whole mess in the first place because he wanted people to love him more than Superman, breaks down and agrees not to launch the torpedoes.

And then, for the first time in his life... Dr. Happersen disobeys Lex Luthor's wishes. Too bad those wishes were "let's not destroy a city."

After years of quietly taking abuse from Lex, Happersen finally snaps and launches those torpedoes. Lex tries to stop him by shooting at him with the death laser in his iron lung (of course Lex Luthor has a death laser in his iron lung), but it's too late. The torpedoes are activated, meaning that the city is as cooked as Happersen himself, who dies in Superman's arms seconds later.

Superman asks Luthor where the torpedoes are buried, but Lex, who looks genuinely distraught, honestly doesn't know. He always let Happersen handle little details like that.

Before Superman can even reach Metropolis, one of the torpedoes has already hit the WGBS building. He gets there right in time to race against the torpedo headed for the Daily Planet... but, as you might have guessed from this issue's cover, the torpedo wins the race.

If the city hadn't been evacuated a few issues ago due to the Underworlders' terrorist attacks, everyone in the Planet's staff would be dead now (thanks, ugly sewer mutant terrorists!). Superman does manage to prevent Lois, Ron Troupe, and, unfortunately, Jimmy Olsen from getting rolled over by the Planet's iconic globe after the building collapses, but only by destroying what's left of it. Perry White is following the action from the Planet's temp offices outside the city, and he looks about as emotionally devastated as he did in the issue when his son died.

Meanwhile, the other underground torpedoes are doing their best to turn Metropolis' skyline into a flat line. The only major building spared is the one belonging to Clark Kent's old employer, Newstime Magazine, but only because its owner happens to be a demonic entity with torpedo-deflecting powers, Lord Satanus. To his credit, Satanus does plant an idea in Superman's mind for how to stop the rest of the torpedoes: digging a big ditch all across Metropolis to intercept them (thanks, demonic entity posing as media magnate!).

As Superman, Superboy, and Supergirl stop most of the torpedoes, Satanus helps them out by redirecting the remaining ones to a more deserving target: LexCorp's giant L-shaped building, which is now shaped like a bunch of rubble.

With the torpedo problem solved, Luthor is finally arrested and exposed to the citizens of Metropolis as a no-goodnik, as Superman begins the long task of rebuilding the city by putting the Daily Planet globe back together. Yes, Metropolis is in pretty bad shape, and even Superman himself seems discouraged for a moment, but as Lois correctly points out: hey, at least it ain't Coast City!

Creator-Watch:

This issue marks the end of Roger Stern's distinguished run as Action Comics writer, which began exactly 100 issues ago... sort of, since he started writing Action when it was a weekly series and Superman only got two pages per issue. When John Byrne suddenly left the Superman books some months after that, in late 1988, Stern was an obvious choice to replace him, given his closeness to Byrne, his ample talents, and, well, the fact that he was already there.

Since then, Stern became one of the main architects of the over-arching storyline that made this era in Superman comics so special. His role as the Super-Squad's resident "continuity cop" enriched these comics tremendously. For instance, according to Dan Jurgens, it was Stern's idea to bring back an obscure character called Hank Henshaw as the Cyborg Superman instead of creating a new baddie for "Reign of the Supermen," which is the sort of thing that makes digging through hundreds of backissues worth it. Stern also wrote the bulk of the years-long Eradicator saga, Supergirl's evolution from lump of goo to proper hero, and, of course, Lex Luthor's long, strange journey leading to this issue (more on that later).

It's hard to imagine our beloved '86-'99 period without Roger Stern. Good thing he'll be back before too long, albeit in a reduced capacity...

Character-Watch:

With this issue, we a bid adieu to doctors Sydney Happersen and Gretchen Kelley, two of the most memorable characters ever to serve as Luthor's lackeys. Both were introduced in Byrne's Superman #2 (1987), and it's interesting that both were instantly portrayed as somewhat sympathetic: Happersen doesn't want to remove the kryptonite from Metallo's chest because he thinks it'd kill him (and looks shocked when Luthor pulls it out anyway), and Kelley is the one that warns Lex about Lana Lang's bizarre allergy to truth serum.

(Probably didn't help that they had a serious mold problem in that room.)

It's also interesting that Kelley was the only lackey on a first-name basis with Lex, hinting at the backstory that was revealed in Action #660: she was a small-town doctor until a young Lex swept her off her feet and turned her into his lover, only to ditch her for someone with larger boobs. Kelley became an alcoholic and ended up in jail, ruining her medical career, until Lex came to "reclaim" her and gave her a permanent job. I'm guessing the "old lovers" bit was added mainly to make the Lex Jr. story seem plausible, but it also helps explain why someone like her would stick with Lex for so long. She was clearly still in love with him, and the Lex Jr. ruse allowed her to imagine an alternate life where they were more than just employer and employee. I always like this bit from Action #676, before readers found out Lex Jr. was Lex Sr.:

In the Lex Jr. storyline, Kelley wasn't just lying to the world; she was lying to herself. Until she just couldn't lie anymore, I guess.

As for Happersen, he never had a backstory, but he didn't really need one. He was the prototypical meek henchman who'd do anything for his boss despite being treated like trash, which is why I found his breakdown at the end both logical and satisfying. Kelley and Happersen will each get a couple of flashback appearances after this issue, but they've been completely ignored by every revamp and reboot since. As much as I like them, I'm completely okay with that because their stories are over, and that's such a rare thing in comics.

Plotline-Watch:

The big subplot in this issue is Lana Lang's wedding to Pete Ross, which she said she wanted to hold "as soon as possible" after encountering Bizarro (and confirming that she's absolutely over Clark) in Action #697. Lois, Clark, and Supergirl are a bit busy to attend, but Ma and Pa Kent are there and even lend Lana their farmhouse for the ceremony. Other than Pa watching the chaos in Metropolis on TV, these scenes are completely disconnected from the rest of the issue, and I suspect they're only here for two reasons: 1) to tease readers with "Someone's getting married!" in the preview blurbs (remember that Lois and Clark had been engaged for a few years by now), and 2) to give Superman legends Curt Swan and Murphy Anderson some work. That last part makes the scenes worth it, in my opinion, especially since we even get a peek at how Swan would draw the Super-Mullet when Lana is thinking back on everything she's gone through with Clark.

The "we've had buildings dropped on us" scene Lana remembers is from Action #644, and the one who dropped the building was actually Supergirl/Matrix when she was suffering from Eradicator-triggered insanity. The "I've been kidnapped" issue, meanwhile, is Byrne's classic Superman #2, which leads us to...

Intentionally or not, there's a good numbers of parallels between this issue and the aforementioned Superman #2: Lana's most tragic moment and Lana's happiest moment; Happersen and Kelley's introduction and their exit; Superman angrily bursting into Lex's office and triumphantly bursting into his yacht; Lex getting away with it and Lex getting arrested. But the most significant connection is the fact that Superman #2 was the first time Lex put on his kryptonite ring, which is what sets off the long chain of events leading to this issue: him getting cancer (Action #600), faking his own death (Action #660), moving his brain to a younger body (revealed in Action #678), being infected with a clone-only disease (circa Man of Steel #31), and ending up as a sick, raving lunatic in an iron lung outfitted with death lasers.

What's definitely intentional, knowing Stern, is the fact that Lex's last stand happens in the Sea Queen, the same luxury yacht where he first met Superman (The Man of Steel #4). Both issues end with Lex getting arrested, but presumably he'll be behind bars for longer than two hours this time -- or maybe not, since the last time we see Luthor, he's thinking that "there are cards I've yet to play!" We'll find out what he means in Action #701.

While Lois is presenting her evidence against Lex, we learn that she first came into contact with Dr. Kelley/"Deep Quote" at the end of the "Bizarro's World" storyline, right after she learned of Lex Jr.'s sickness/shocking baldness (Superman #88). Unsurprisingly, Lex didn't like Lois seeing him like that and ordered Happersen to capture her, but Kelley helped her escape and they hit it off.

When exactly did Kelley decide to turn on Lex? A flashback suggests that it happened during the Supergirl miniseries, where she has an uncharacteristic outburst towards Lex for the way he "uses" Supergirl even though she loves him. We didn't even comment on that scene at the time, but now it seems pretty obvious that, even though Kelley does care for Supergirl, she was actually talking about herself.

Deep cut: at one point, Superman tries to find Lex by taking a Lex-Man's helmet to Professor Hamilton, who says that he recognizes this technology from the armor Lex once trapped poor Jose "Gangbuster" Delgado in, forcing him to act as a remote-controlled bodyguard (Adventures #451). Hamilton's efforts go nowhere, but I appreciate being reminded of Jose's most delightfully bizarre misadventure ever. Miss that dude and his horrible luck.

I also appreciate the shout out to Invasion!, and I wonder if Stern was planning Lex's sonic torpedo gambit from way back in Superman #28, which includes a scene in which Pentagon officials give Lex access to the alien weapons recovered in Australia. I also wonder if Lex thought to himself, "Hmmm, Australia... seems like a nice place to pretend to be from if I ever clone myself a new body."

Something that doesn't pay off is the implication that Colin Thornton/Lord Satanus would become a major villain now that Luthor is (temporarily) out of the picture. He'll pop up here and there, but something tells me that if Stern had stayed on Action, he would have made sure Satanus factored more heavily in big storylines going forward (or even just one big storyline).

Patreon-Watch:

This post ended up being double-sized like the issue itself, so this time we owe double-thanks to our patrons Aaron, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, Bol, and Gaetano Barreca, for helping us take the time to write it. Double-thanks! Join them at https://www.patreon.com/superman86to99

And believe it or not, we have even more to say about this issue, so don't miss Don Sparrow's section after the jump...

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

We begin with the cover, and it’s something of a strange one for such a huge numbered issue. Jackson Guice rightly recognizes that the destruction of the Daily Planet is the most arresting image within the story, so that’s what he highlights, Raiders of the Lost Ark-style, but it’s a bit hard to know what to focus on here. It’s not the best figure drawing of Lois Lane, with her hands in a claw like shape, but she’s still front and centre. The other possible area of focus is on the Daily Planet globe itself, which then boasts an uncomfortably spread-eagle Superman trying to stop its roll. But, I give points to Guice for going with a moment from within the story, and not just a generic “this is an anniversary issue” type cover, like we often see. Plus the cross streets of Jurgens/Grummett/Bog/Kitson on the street sign is a fun find.

Inside, we’re greeted immediately with a full splash of a satisfied Lois. Guice’s Lois has always looked photo-referenced to me, for better or worse. In this case, I think Guice is a little let down by the colourist, who extends the pinkness of Lois’ bottom lip all the way to the corner of her mouth which turns her smile into more of a smirk than I think the inks on their own intend.

On page 6 we get another version of Guice’s rubble pits—not a strength for him as much as someone like Tom Grummett, who was born to draw rubble (And everything else!) as the edges of the pit always look a little sharp to me.

Superboy’s rage at the destruction of Cadmus is well-observed—and Superboy looks very much like the youth he is—he can sometimes be drawn like a small adult, instead of having softer, teenaged features, but Guice does a good job on this page. Supergirl’s coy expression as she lets the libidinous Superboy down gently on page 14 is a funny drawing, and a great character moment in all the action, to boot.

It may just be novelty, or nostalgia, but the quieter moments back in Smallville, as Lana Lang prepares for her wedding ceremony, are my favorite pages. Curt Swan’s gentle, naturalistic lines are a nice counterpoint to the hectic pace of the fall of Metropolis.

The entire page of Lois revealing Lex Junior’s crimes to a live television audience is all well drawn—there’s an urgency in Lois’ posture to the camera that feels very real as you read it. This, followed up shortly by Lex’s horror at Dr. Kelley’s betrayal is another great piece of drawing. Then, on the very next page, Superman Kool-Aid-Man-ing his way through Lex’s hideaway is maybe the best single image of Superman in the book.

There’s a cute tribute to former Super-teamster, Jerry Ordway, as Peggy (who shares her first name with Jerry Ordway’s real life wife) plays De Koven and Scott’s “Oh Promise Me” not on a Steinway piano, as she might have on our Earth, but rather a “Jordway” piano. If the lyrics we see sound familiar, it could be because this same wedding song appeared in numerous film and TV weddings, including All in the Family, Mama’s Family and, for you Canadian readers, the Sullivan-produced Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel, during Diana’s wedding. I do wonder if Revered Brewster was supposed to look like Ordway—his hairstyle is similar, though Brewster is a little heavier set than Ordway.

Back to the “action” of Action #700, pages 33-35 all make great use of a diagonal panel layout, to maximize the space as Superman gives chase to the missiles, which unfortunately find their target, the Daily Planet. Perry White’s shattered expression as he watches the place he loves fall apart is particularly haunting.

The effect of Collin Thornton’s demonic helmet overlaid his human form is a great visual. Lastly, for those of us old enough to remember the attacks of 9-11, there’s an eerie prescience to these images of tangled debris and smoking skylines.

On the whole, the events here—Luthor going full villain, Metropolis being reduced to rubble—seem fitting in scale for a nice big round issue number like 700. But, given how relatively quickly these changes are undone in the issues to come, it also feels symbolic of the post-Death-and-Return era of comics—just trying status-quo changing “events” and trying to recapture the buzz they stumbled into with the death storyline.

SPEEDING BULLETS:

There’s a funny in-joke during Lois’ phone call with Superman, as editor Mike Carlin slips in a warning to Tom Grummett about an issue being late. Though Grummett is not normally known for lateness, at this time he is drawing both Superboy and Robin comics monthly, so he can be forgiven for the odd slip.

Jonathan Kent railing at the television in response to Lex’s seeming impunity feels completely modern to me, reading it in 2024. Honestly, couldn’t you see certain political factions of today defending Lex’s actions, had they been perpetrated by the de facto leader of their party?

How do we feel about Lex not being quite villainous enough to blow up Metropolis? Does it feel like a cop-out, or would it have put Lex into a level of villainy the writers didn’t want to go to? Story-wise, I have to admit, it feels strange that the disasters seen on the cover and throughout bear the fingerprints of Sidney Happersen, and not Lex Luthor, the greatest criminal mind of our age. [Max: I like it! Lex is evil, but he does seem to love Metropolis in his way, and he wouldn't spend so much time on philanthropic ventures if he didn't need people's adoration on some level. I think this is an interesting conundrum Stern put him in, and having Happersen do what Lex couldn't is a clever way to make sure the issue didn't end in a big anti-climax.]

GODWATCH: As with many a Roger Stern script, religious references abound in this issue, particularly during the wedding scenes, where the newlywedded Lana and Pete certainly seem devout. The unabashed love the Kents show for Lana is very moving throughout. [Max: There's also Lex saying "God forgive me" when he admits he doesn't know how to stop the torpedoes, which is a scene that's always stuck with me. THAT'S his real punishment: not jail, but actually experiencing guilt for a moment.]

As this entire issue is a study in contrasts, we jump from a country church wedding to a demonic character named LORD SATANUS giving Superman the firebreak idea that saves the city! There’s something very funny about that.

Does Collin Thornton know that Clark Kent is Superman? It doesn't seem like he does, but with his array of observational powers, you’d think he’d have figured it out. [Max: I'm sure there's something somewhere that contradicts it, but I like the idea of Thornton offering Clark that editor job years ago because he knew his conscience had been compromised by the Eradicator and he wanted a superpowered pawn to use against Blaze.]

Do you agree with Supergirl, that Dr. Kelley is someone to be admired, or given mercy? Sure, she helped bring down Lex in his latest evil, but she went along with so much, for so long, she’s hardly heroic, is she? [Max: I assume that by "I hope the courts are merciful," Supergirl means "I hope they give her prison library access and not the electric chair." I do feel sorry for Kelley, but she definitely deserves to go to jail for a long time for all those other horrible crimes she didn't prevent, starting with Lana's torture.]

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