#Jean Baptiste Bernadotte

[cedyat]

Some outdated memes but with Napoleonic personalities

[dawnthefox24]

Kiriko: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life

Cole: *Gasps* Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!

Hanzo: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!

Genji: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

76: My moral code, is that you?

Kiriko :..... I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug ? therapy? I... what happened?.....

*meanwhile in the kitchen*

Lúcio,Baptiste,Angela,Ana and Zenyatta: *gasps in a state of shock feeling a disturbance in the force * Oh no...

[josefavomjaaga]

And Desaix about another fan favourite

Bernadotte: young, full of fire, vigour, fine passions, above all of character, very estimable; he is not loved because he passes for crazy, his troops the best kept in the army

[yaggy031910]

A fun little ask: the Marshalate is informed there is cake in the break room. How do each of them react?

Who ever you are, thank you for this sweet little question and I apologise for my late response. 🙈💕

I have ideas for some of them, however I am **not** aware of the maréchals eating habits so any input is welcome here. Also, I don't know all of the marshals well enough but I will try to include as many as possible. Don’t expect any historical accuracy in this.

See this post as a very big headcanon and as one ongoing story where I am going to try to mimic the marshals characters and miserably fail.

Shall we begin? :D

Les Maréchals and cake

Berthier would hear about it and quietly get excited by the idea of having a nice little piece of cake, just for him to be too busy with everything so that he isn't able to leave his desk. Either this or someone (probably one of his adcs) would be nice enough to get for Berthier his piece of cake.

Murat: You bet he is one of the first ones to look at this cake. His reaction might depend on how the cake looks. If it's a huge cake with a lot of golden details, Murat will carry it around so everyone admires this phenomenal cake because it deserves to be looked at.

Augerau and Masséna wonder why there is such a fancy a cake in the break room in the first place and who might have put it there. Augerau asks Masséna with a low voice: “How much money do you want to bet on the cake being poisoned?” Before Masséna is able to answer, Lannes enters the scene.

Lannes runs after Murat with the cake knife demanding to finally get his damn piece of this cake while Murat can't make himself to cut it because this cake is “so damn beautiful that it would be a waste to eat it.” This little game goes on for a minute or two until the other marshals grow impatient, one of them being Ney.

Ney who is known for his hotheadedness tries to save this cake from a disaster aaaaand fails. :) The three of them dispute over who is the actual culprit of this mess.

L: Murat, what have you done? M: I have done nothing. You followed me with a knife. N: You let the cake fall. M: You intervened in my business with Lannes.

The cake has fallen to the ground as Davout, Suchet and Macdonald watched. “Aaand here goes the cake”, Macdonald says; “At least the floor was able to taste it.” Suchet asks: “What do you think was its flavour?” ”Chocolate vanilla.” Davout answers. After a moment of silence, he adds. “Soult has a good recipe.” Mortier walks in, seeing how Lannes, Murat and Ney are loudly disputing while Masséna and Augerau get themselves black coffee and Davout, Suchet and Macdonald talking. Lefebvre who was walking right behind Mortier gestures him to move away from the door so he can get into the break room: “What is going on?”

Suchet: “We found a cake-“ Davout interrupts him: “We found a chocolate vanilla cake which we don’t know how it got here or if it was poisoned and now it’s inedible because his royal highness, the King of Naples, made it fall.”

Murat shouts from the back: “I didn’t let it fall.” Lannes: “Oh, you did.”

Lefebvre offers a solution like the good fatherly figure he is: “Do you still want cake? We could bake a new cake, messieurs.” Davout replies: “This sounds like a smart idea, Monsieur. Maréchal Soult knows an excellent recipe.”

Lefebvre: “Ahh, excellent. Where is our maréchal?”

Mortier: “He is in his office.”

“Then this where our journey goes next.” Lefebvre slams the door open and accidentally hits Oudinot. “Ah, Monsieur, my apologies. If I had known you were there, I wouldn’t have slammed the door as hard as I did. Are you alright? Yes? Until the next time then.”

Davout walks up to his friend to make sure how Oudinot is doing and explains to him in the meanwhile what is going on and also promises Oudinot to bring him a piece of the cake they are going to bake.

Lefebvre takes the lead and walks straight to Soult’s office while Davout and Mortier follow him. Suchet decides to stay behind while Macdonald thinks about it. Lefebvre knocks on Soult’s office door: “Monsieur, le maréchal? Are you here?” *Lefebvre knocks again with his energetic manner.* “Monsieur, le maréchal, it’s me, Lefebvre. Open the door!*

Soult opens the door with his usual unimpressed demeaner: Hm? Lefebvre: “Excusez-moi, mon maréchal, I heard you have a recipe for a delicious cake?” Soult: Cake? What cake? Davout: The chocolate vanilla one… the one you baked for your daughter Hortense’s birthday. The delicious one. Soult: Ah, yeah. That one. What of it? Mortier: We would like to bake this cake, which is why we want to ask if you mind us borrowing the recipe? Soult stares at his co-maréchals for a second, he shuts the door, opens it again with a piece of paper in his hand which he gives to Lefebvre. “Here. Is there anything else you need?” Macdonald who decided to join the baking group walks up to them and asks Soult: “Would you mind to lend us your baking equipment?” - “No. Have a nice day.” Soult shuts his door while Lefebvre shouts: “Thank you for your help, Monsieur Soult.” Macdonald asks: “What are we going to do now?” “We are going to bake the cake now, my good friend”, Davout answers. Mac: “Where? Where do you want us to bake the cake? Do we have the right ingredients?” D: In the kitchen and I don’t see why we shouldn’t have the ingredients. Macdonald looks at Davout with suspicious eyes about the matter if they are going to manage to bake this cake… The group of maréchals appear in the imperial kitchen where they start to gather the right ingredients. While the group is busy with the preparations, les maréchals Pérignon and Sérurier appear, wondering what is going on. As Lefebvre is explaining these two their baking journey up until now, Pérignon and Sérurier decide to join them: “A cake made by maréchals for maréchals.”

What could possibly go wrong with two additional heads in the kitchen? As it turns out: Everything. Pérignon and Sérurier manage to overdo the cake by confusing salt with sugar. The cake tastes salty, the icing itself is fine because it was made by Davout who religiously followed Soult’s directions. In addition to that, monsieur Lefebvre manages to mix up usual paper with baking sheets.

Bernadotte walks into the kitchen as he sees his fellow maréchals working on their baking project. He comments on the scenery: “This is just pure chaos without any discipline, a chaos which can’t possibly create something edible.” Davout replies “Well, have you ever baked anything in your miserable existence which you so call your life?”; to which Bernadotte says: “wELL, no, BUT-“ Davout continues: “Then get out of this room and give me my peace back or shut up.” Bernadotte decides to leave.

As Bernadotte is leaving, Jourdan walks right into the scene with an apple in his hand. A fire starts to break out in the oven and Jourdan, like the team player he is, turns and leaves this mess to his co-maréchals without saying one word.

Nothing is going as Davout had it planned. He sits in a corner, mourning this beautiful chocolate vanilla cake he had in mind. Macdonald sits right next to him with a spoon, telling him: “Well, at least the frosting you made yourself is delicious.” Davout, completely shattered by the fact that he wasn’t able to make his desired chocolate vanilla cake, puts his face into his palms until a surprise visits the kitchen: It’s maréchal Soult. With a cake. A chocolate vanilla cake. A chocolate vanilla cake which is neither burnt nor oversalted. A chocolate vanilla cake according to the recipe. Next to Soult is Oudinot who cuts two pieces of the cake: one for himself and one for his good old friend, Louis Nicolas Davout.

After Soult, Ney and Lannes enter the kitchen. Ney silently takes a piece of Soult’s cake, saying nothing except a simple “thank you”. So do Macdonald and Mortier. Soult tolerates Ney’s presence. Lannes on the other hand goes straight to the oversalted and burnt cake which the older maréchals made and are also eating. Kellermann and Grouchy, as late to the party as ever, also go for Lefebvre’s bad cake while Soult’s good cake is still sitting there. Soult can’t hide his look of disgust.

At some point, Bessières and Murat join or rejoin retrospectively the scene, walking up to Soult’s cake. Bessières, as well mannered as he is, takes one piece of a cake to which Murat comments: “I know how much you like this lovely type of cake, Bessières, take a second piece.” - “No”, Soult replies: “That’s not your cake. Take your piece and leave.” Murat adds: “For whom are the other pieces then? I don’t see anybody who would possibly want to eat this gorgeous baked good. We want to eat your delicious creation of a fabulous cake.” - “One piece each. You can give him your piece if you like to.” Bessières interrupts the two: “I am content with my piece.” Murat doesn’t listen to what Bessières says and continues his conversation with Soult: “My fellow maréchal, I don’t understand, why do you struggle so much with allowing somebody to have one additional piece of cake than the other ones?”

While Murat and Soult continue their dispute which leads to nowhere, one adc enters slowly the kitchen. He looks at Soult who recognises this man as one of Berthier’s adcs. He came to get a piece of cake for his marshal. Soult lets him take one of the few pieces left. All of a sudden, Kellermann seems to be chocking on his salty cake piece. All the maréchals are gathering around him and in the chaos, the last few pieces of Soult’s cake fall to the ground. Soult looks at his cake or what’s left of it. One could argue that everyone who wanted to eat it was able to eat it. One could argue that these fallen pieces can be ignored and Soult could go on with his day never ever thinking about the pieces again. However, we are talking about maréchal Soult here who sees the art in baking. The love, the accuracy of it. Today he didn’t just bring cake to his fellow maréchals. Today he witnessed how some of them have no sense of dignity for what it means to be able to eat good food. Good cake. Soult is leaving the room, not bothered about Kellermann as he wouldn’t be able to help anyway. He is going to his wife, his Louise Berg, who asks him about his day. He tells her the whole of it. How he was surprised by his fellow maréchals who wanted to bake a cake. How he knew that they are going to mess up his recipe. How he baked that cake properly and how a part of it went to waste. “Some of them ate oversalted and burnt cake. Who eats bad cake? Who likes bad cake???”

Davout on the other hand was thankful for Soult. With a smile on his face, Davout enjoyed his so desired chocolate vanilla cake, unbothered by the event surrounding him. The end. :)

[diagnosed-anxiety-disorder]

i imagine this is how card games went between them

[koda-friedrich]

✨.ﾟ･*..☆.｡.:*✨.☆.｡.:.+*:ﾟ+｡✨.ﾟ･*..☆.｡.:*✨

[waifu-napoleon]

Joséphine, staring upwards: So, Napoleon broke up with me… haha…

Bernadotte: Why are you looking up?

Joséphine: I need to cry, but my foundation was 48 dollars!

[usergreenpixel]

JACOBIN FICTION CONVENTION MEETING 35: THE QUEEN’S FORTUNE (2020)

1. The Introduction

Well, hello there, Citizens! Neighbors too, since we have a figure who is interesting for both communities. Welcome back to the convention! Please leave weapons by the door cause you will need them later, take your seats and enjoy tea with tricolor cupcakes!

So, Allison Pataki is an author who will definitely become my nemesis in the future, considering her less than stellar work with this particular book (more on that later). Now, I knew from the ever so blunt (but lovely) @maggiec70 that it would be a bad book with about as much accuracy as your average conspiracy theory, but… BOY WAS I UNPREPARED!

The book turned out to be not bad. Not even mediocre. It’s straight up garbage fit only for wiping one’s ass when toilet paper runs out. Don’t believe me? Well, let’s dive deeper into this mess, shall we?

(By the way, I couldn’t find it online for free due to copyright but owners of Audible accounts can purchase the audiobook or you can pay for an ebook.)

2. The Summary

The book tells a story of Napoleon’s first fiancée, one Desirée Clary. She later would become the wife of Marshal Bernadotte and Queen of Sweden, whose descendants rule the country to this day.

Quite a fascinating story, if you ask me! Also, shoutout to @tairin for introducing me to Bernadotte as a historical figure (she is my guide to the Napoleonic era in general too). And to Maggie for bringing this novel to my attention.

Okay, the premise is interesting and extraordinary, isn’t it? But let’s see what the execution is!

3. The Story

Right off the bat, the story reeks of multiple inaccuracies (in both Frev and Napoleonic departments) worse than roadkill in summer heat. Inaccuracies that range from details (such as getting the year of convents closing wrong) to things that could’ve been avoided with one google search (such as Code Napoleon’s date or the timeline of Joseph’s rule of Naples). Also the usual Thermidorian bullshit with evil Robespierre and MODERATE THERMIDORIANS (because a group that includes war criminals is DEFINITELY MORE MODERATE THAN ROBESPIERRE AND CO, AMIRITE?!)

I know I usually don’t review media based on accuracy, but anyone with any knowledge about the topic (like me) risks getting a severe case of a broken brain from everything wrong in the book. This ended up hurting my immersion into the story because I had the urge to scream at my screen the entire time.

Another thing that hurts the narrative is the length. Personally, I found the story really overstayed its welcome and should’ve ended sooner, like after Desirée becomes Queen. But no, it drags on afterwards and the last chapters are basically filler, even more so than the rest of the book (which is a giant bore). The pacing just drags on like an old horse in slow mo.

(The story begins in 1789 and ends in 1860, for a reference.)

Last but not least, there is a very unnecessary and not accurate at all sex scene un the beginning of the book. Not only is that scene completely unnecessary for the story, but it also completely breaks suspension of disbelief and just makes the characters come off as modern cosplayers, not the people they’re supposed to be.

(For those in the back: DESIRÉE NEVER FUCKED NAPOLEON!!)

Okay, moving on!

4. The Characters

Bland. Most of them are blander than the BRAT diet.

Desirée Clary is the worst offender when it comes to characters feeling too modern, since the book is told from her perspective. She’s also a flat character and a bit too omnipresent when it comes to being at important events, even before her marriage to Bernadotte. We also don’t learn much about her as a person so there’s no reason to sympathize with her. Personally, I just didn’t care about her. She’s supposed to be someone who becomes a grown strong person throughout the story but we don’t see much character development to reflect this.

Napoleon Bonaparte is a bit more complex but that bar is low anyway. He definitely has his moments when he’s a jerk but can be a romantic. Also he kisses Desirée without her consent in the book during a game similar to Hide and Seek. Yeah, I wish I was kidding but he’s basically sexually assaulted her in that scene. Other than that, not much to see here either.

Josephine Bonaparte is more complex but still bland and almost saintly at times. Her flaws are severely downplayed or omitted.

The Bonaparte sisters are all catty cunts outright compared to the Furies in the book. Letizia suffers the same fate.

Joseph Bonaparte is a loyal brother and a nice man.

Julie is the doting big sister.

Bernadotte is a loving husband and an ardent Jacobin who has “Death to Kings” tattooed on his chest in the book. Yeah, that old chestnut that is actually nothing more than a myth.

And so on. It’s like a show with cardboard cutouts in lieu of a story with good characters.

5. The Setting

Some descriptions are quite vivid, especially when it comes to Malmaison, but that’s about the only good thing I can say about this book.

6. The Writing

Hoo boy… Remember how I said that the characters feel like cosplayers from modern times? Well, Desirée (in the book) uses gems like “I rooted for her”. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure a bourgeois woman from that time wouldn’t know such words.

The dialogue in the book is mediocre due to the blandness of the characters and Pataki probably not giving two shits about delivering a good book, despite the fact that she is from a very rich and influential family and could’ve easily obtained access to all the research.

But hey, what do I know?

7. The Conclusion

Don’t read this book. Really, just don’t waste your time. I’m disappointed that the author took a good concept for a novel, wiped her ass with it and served the results in novel form.

I have my issues with that 1954 movie about Desirée, but, compared to THIS, that movie is a flawless masterpiece and at least there I felt some sort of way about Desirée as a character. Here, on the other hand, I just don’t give a shit, which is about the worst thing an author can achieve.

Anyway, to fit the theme of an extraordinary person the author was going for, here’s the promised song.

I hope you enjoyed the review and the song. Thank you for joining me today at the Jacobin Fiction Convention and stay tuned for future reviews!

Love,

- Citizen Green Pixel

[northernmariette]

Bernadotte, a traitor? A personal opinion.

It's still Bernadotte's birthday for a few minutes as I start this, so here is my offering for today's birthday boy.

Here is my inexpert, insufficiently researched opinion about Bernadotte being, or not being, a traitor. Right off the bat, a traitor to whom, to what? To Napoléon? To France? In my opinion, he was a traitor to neither. I might be all over the place with this, so please bear with my disorganised rambling.

Someone much wiser than I am wrote something, somewhere, that there are no unmixed motives. So did Bernadotte act from completely noble motives? I doubt it. Were his actions justified after he became heir to the Swedish Throne? In my opinion, yes.

Because there are some people who think that it was inappropriate for Bernadotte to marry Désirée Clary, I will put this to rest right from the get-go. Napoléon had dumped Désirée. He had *dumped* her. He had done so when it was much more serious to break up an engagement than it is now. So Napoléon had no claim at all anymore on Désirée. At the time of her marriage to Bernadotte, Napoléon was certainly more politically and socially prominent, but Bernadotte was no slouch himself.

Personally, I suspect Napoléon was not too proud of the way he had treated Désirée, and this is part of the reason he went easy (sort of) on Bernadotte, a general he disliked, if not more. Similarly Bernadotte had no great affection for Napoléon. These two never got along. Napoléon did not like rivals, for one thing, and Bernadotte had had a successful military career himself and was politically ambitious.

Anyway, enough about the early days. It is well known that Bernadotte had treated his Swedish prisoners well during the napoleonic campaigns, and that this created a very favourable impressions at the Swedish court. In 1810, when Bernadotte was asked to become the Crown Prince of Sweden he was in disfavour with Napoléon and perhaps felt that there was no future for him in France. The Swedish offer must have seemed a gift from Heaven. As I see it, here was his chance to get out from under Napoleon's thumb, acquire some elbow room and satisfy his own political ambitions. Still, he sought Napoleon's consent before accepting the offer. I hardly see any traitorous action yet.

Bernadotte was not naïve about the reasons for the Swedish offer. Russia had just wrested Finland from Sweden, and the Swedes wanted a military man to wrest it back. Bernadotte chose another path: he came to an agreement with Russia, and increased Sweden's territory by seizing Norway instead.

Here is where we get into the whole treason business: it was expected that once Bernadotte assumed de facto rule In Sweden, which happened immediately as the King was no longer fit to reign, he would remain faithful to the interests of France. Bernadotte looked to the interests of Sweden instead. In other words, he refused to keep one foot in each camp and brought both feet into the Swedish camp. In my opinion, this was the right thing to do.

Let me offer this metaphor : suppose you have this legendary sports team. Just for the heck of it, let's say the Montreal Canadiens hockey team. It includes many star players, one of which spent his long career on this team, all the while with a coach who just loved to browbeat him. Then the star player gets a dream offer to become a coach himself for a less prestigious team, but with carte blanche to mold it according to his own ideas and principles. Would this new coach act properly if he enjoined his players to go easy on his former team, just because he owed his fame to his time there as a player? My answer is no, no, no, no! The new coach's loyalty has to be to his present team, the one who wanted him as a coach; anything else would be wrong.

This is an oversimplification, of course, and I have no doubt that jealousy and resentment played a part in Bernadotte's choices. However, on the face of it I am convinced Bernadotte acted properly by protecting the interests of his new country. If the interests of Sweden lay with joining a coalition against Napoléon, then this was the proper decision for Bernadotte to make.

If I were to study Bernadotte's life in greater depth, something I would like to do, I might come to another opinion. In the meantime, I see no treason in his putting Sweden's interests first.

[sophiebernadotte]

Whenever Karl Johan became agitated, [Desideria] was known to be able to calm him with the one firm word "Bernadotte!" One such anecdote was when Karl Johan, known for his hot temperament, raged about how he would punish some political advisories in various ways. For every punishment he stated, she is said to have struck her fan in the table and said to the surrounding courtiers "He could not hurt a cat!", upon which the court started to laugh.

Lilly Lindwall, Desideria. The Ancestral Mother of the Bernadottes, 1919.

[roehenstart]

Portrait of Charles XIV Johan. By Fredrik Westin.

[cardinal-richelieu-loverofbooks]

People who try to redeem Bernadotte’s name in France don’t know where they put their feet.

Yes he was king of Sweden and loved.

Yes Sweden is now a french ally but that doesn’t change the fact that for a lot of people certain marshals are traitors.

Bernadotte included.

[lavenderrosiefan]

Charles John: Who the fuck-

Wilhelmina: Language!!

Charles: I think it's "whom the fuck".

Charles John: Oh, sorry

Charles John: WHOM the fuck-

Wilhelmina: nooooooooo

[largecucumber]

Hiiiii 😫💖How are you guyssss?

Here’re some cute and silly drawings. THEY ALL LOOK SO FUNNY (especially Ney 🥲) There’re so many things I wanna draw, but I just don’t have the time waaahhh 😭

Anyways, I hope y’all are doing fantastic 💐😚

[armagnac-army]

ON THE LEFT WE HAVE A NERD

WITHOUT HIM THE ENTIRE GRANDE ARMEE WOULD FALL APART!!!! HE ALSO GOT HIS MISTRESS TO LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE WITH HIS WIFE BECAUSE HES JUST THAT GOOD AT DIPLOMACY AND HE HAD A CREEPY STALKER SHRINE TO THAT MISTRESS BEFORE HE WAS FORCED TO GET MARRIED

ON THE RIGHT WE HAVE A KING

I STILL HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW A FRENCHMAN BECAME THE KING OF SWEDEN ALSO HES REALLY CLOSE WITH HIS MINISTER MAGNUS BRAHE AND APPARENTLY IT WAS REALLY SUSPICIOUS WHEN THEY WERE HAVING “POLICY MEETINGS” IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN BED

WHICH OF NAPOLEONS MARSHALS OF THE EMPIRE IS GOING TO WIN THE TITLE OF MOST PEOPLE CLICKING ON THEIR BUTTON???

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[koda-friedrich]

King👑