#Jesse: oh so how did you cut your hair before? Lake: …

[foolsfrogg]

infinity train jumpscare

Does Lake’s hair grow? If they age then I’m sure it does, but we don’t know if Lake ages I don’t think,,

also if Lake’s hair DOES grow then does that mean they shed; is there just a ton of sharp needles scattered about in their wake?

anyways reference (yay bubbline!!) :

@princ3yyy

[apocalypticgargoyle]

𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘽𝙍𝙄𝘾𝙆 | 𝙠𝙖𝙧𝙡 𝙟𝙖𝙘𝙤𝙗𝙨 (18+)

edit by 🐓 anon. im still screaming over this.

∘ request: [insert the 14 asking for more Sapnap humor in a pt. 1.5 of Meet the Jacobses]

∘ pairings: edgy!Karl Jacobs x fm!reader

∘ warnings: smut (18+), nsfw, language, drinking, mentions of Todd the frat boy, lots of dialogue, biting, asphyxiation

∘ links: 𐐪 ao3 𐑂 𐐪 previous part 𐑂 𐐪 submit an edgy!karl edit 𐑂

∘ a/n: this one goes out to the babes in the gc. ily.

i stole the Brick idea from the Jesse McCartney movie, Keith. I'm sorry. [tw for that link - sad & jesse mccartney not talking about beautiful souls]

also thank you everyone for your support on this series. when my friends and I conjured this up, I never thought I would be at the point where I get to share peoples art/paylists/etc. I'm so thankful for all of you.

okay I'll stop crying. happy reading and have a great week! :)

The sun beat down against your skin, your mind drifting to whether or not you should apply more sunscreen. Karl jumped into the light blue water in front of you, the water splashing out to almost completely soak you. You frowned at him as he came up for air, blowing you a kiss mockingly.

Sapnap’s cousins started tackling Karl, the chorus of laughter echoing around the pool. You stretched your legs out beneath the table, leaning into the shade of the umbrella as you watched them roughhouse.

Sapnap came out from the pool house, opening a beer bottle for you before taking the seat beside you. He sighed, buttoning the top of his shirt as he watched the boys. “Did you have a good time at the party yesterday? I dipped after an hour,” he asked, pushing his sunglasses to rest on top of his head.

You shrugged slightly, taking a sip of your drink. You couldn’t wait to tell your roommate how lavishly you’d been living. The fact that you were lounging by a heated pool, drinking beer from Copenhagen with the sons of millionaires was nearly mind-boggling to you.

You wet your lips, squinting your eyes as you looked at him. “I honestly have no idea. I was kind of just there as a Karl accessory,” you joked, making him chuckle softly.

“Yeah, I get that,” he flipped off one of the cousins as they threatened to throw water at him. “It’s always the Karl show around here,” he added. You raised your eyebrows at him and he backtracked. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way. He’s a good guy; everyone’s just obsessed with him.”

You nodded slightly. “Yeah, he’s definitely the star baby,” you joked, making him laugh. “I need to ask you…” You bit your lip voice trailing off as you searched for the night words.

He sent you a closed-mouth smile. “About my mom and Karl?” He asked, biting back a blithe expression. It shocked you how calm he was about the situation.

You chuckled nervously. “I swear I won’t bring it up again, I’m just,” you cut yourself off, unable to describe the question marks pulsing through your thoughts.

He snorted, taking a sip of his drink. “I know right,” he reassured. “When I found out, I almost broke Karl’s nose,” he chided. “Not that I was like… angry it was my mom but out of how weird it was.”

“Yeah it is really fucking weird,” you agreed, laughing slightly.

He gestured as if to thank you for understanding. “I mean, Karl’s a great guy. He was my best friend for a long time but…” He made a face suggesting his discomfort and you snicked. “That’s my mom, man.” You giggled wholeheartedly at this, making him laugh too.

“What are you guys talking about?” Karl asked, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, dripping wet from his pool time adventures.

“Speak of the Devil and he shall appear,” you joked, making Sapnap wink at you. “Tacitus’ Annals,” you answered, making Sapnap nod at you.

He chewed on his lip, with a calm expression as he supported your lie. “I was telling your girlfriend how much I enjoyed his love of Nero,” he continued, you bit back a smile.

Karl ruffled his hair out in a towel. “Come on now,” he grumbled, calling the two of you on your bullshit.

Sapnap squinted as he looked up at him. “Karl supremacy. As always,” he answered with a touch of quiet sarcasm, making Karl roll his eyes playfully as he took to the other seat beside you.

Karl ran his fingers into his hair. “You wanna get matching tattoos together, Sapnap?” He quipped; Sapnap sending him a smug expression.

“Why? What were you thinking?” He asked, knowing he was walking into whatever Karl was setting up.

Karl pulled the leg of his swim trunks off his leg a bit, furrowing his brows. “I wanna get your mom’s name on the top of my thigh,” he teased, biting his lip. You rolled your eyes playfully.

Sapnap let out a sarcastic laugh. “Oh my God, that’s so funny. I totally didn’t see that coming.”

Karl took a sip of your beer and you spoke up. “I think you’d look good with a tattoo, Sapnap. All jokes aside, you’ve got a great body,” you mused, sending him a wink. Sapnap bit back a smile looking at Karl, who you could already tell was glaring back at him. “Side note, I was meaning to ask you. There’s a guy that’s in Karl’s frat,” you paused, trying to remember what Karl had said Todd’s real name was when you were pinning his auction number on him.

Sapnap raised his eyebrows. “Oh, Mark?”

You pointed at him. “Yes, the fake Romney.”

Sapnap snorted. “He did that on campus too?” Karl nodded, a look of disappointment spreading across their faces.

“Speaking of Todd Mark, the king of the Brick” Karl kicked his feet beneath your chair before continuing, “I heard there’s a bonfire tonight,” he probed, making Sapnap slowly shake his head in disapproval.

You raised an eyebrow at the two. “What’s the Brick?”

Sapnap seemed to have already made up his mind on the situation. “A fucking cesspool,” Sapnap grumbled, sipping from his bottle as Karl tsked. Sapnap tilted his head. “You really wanna take her to the Brick? People get together and smoke crack over there. The fact that,” he paused to furrow his brows at you slightly, “Todd Mark? is the benefactor should say something,” he stated, lips curling into an uneasy expression.

You peered over your shoulder at Karl as if to ask if he were crazy. Karl swatted off your gesture. “They don’t smoke crack this time of year. All the locals are back visiting for break.”

Sapnap shook his head again in unease. You chewed your lip, leaning back in your chair. “I don’t know… Sapnap, do you wanna have a movie night instead?” You joked, making Karl sigh behind you.

Sapnap mimicked your mock severity. “Yeah, a stay in and cuddle?”

“Of course,” you repeated.

Karl wheezed. “No, we’re going.”

Without missing a beat, Sapnap chimed back. “Maybe you can take my mom instead?” Karl’s expression flattened at his words and you nodded, high fiving Sapnap in mock victory.

Despite Sapnap’s hesitation, you all went to what they referred to as The Brick. In reality, it was a spot on the edge of a lake. They only called it the Brick because of Todd’s dad, a racecar driver who claimed the post back when he was in high school and later bought it. A large bonfire burned in the center of the space, various people around your age and a bit younger were either dancing to the music coming from one of the souped-up sports cars or shotgunning beers. You pushed away the thought of your stingy fire marshall back home who―more than once―had reported you and your family for “overactive cookouts.”

“Overactive,” meaning your dad and Clay were failing at not catching hotdogs on fire when the two would get lost in a chat about a mutual videogame when the families would cross the fence line in the summer.

As soon as you had stepped foot on the gravel, Karl was welcomed back like some kind of celebrity, so you stayed close to Sapnap. He would lean towards your height, pointing people out that Karl had mentioned in the past or those worth noting. You nodded along, soaking in what he had to tell you and laughing at his jokes.

A random guy strolled past the two of you, making Sapnap purse his lips. “Hey, Sapnap. How’s your mom?” One of the countless jokes thrown at him since you’d arrived.

He tilted his head with a mock look of questioning. “Didn’t your parents just get divorced, Jeff?” He deflected. Jeff’s face dropped slightly as he moved on. You always found yourself struggling not to laugh at how well Sapnap was at counteracting the jabs at his mom and Karl. Most of you felt guilty for how long he had dealt with it.

Karl watched you carefully as you sat down beside Sapnap on one of the vast benches; hands shoved in his pockets as the group around him caught up. You were glad to have someone around like Sapnap, despite the fact that you often went to parties. In the past, it was more of a bi-annual thing, but since being with Karl, you found yourself shoulder to shoulder with nameless people in a line doing shots every other Thursday.

You laughed as Sapnap joked about avoiding the drinks at the Brick because of the mites in the water and the STDs in the beer. “So, I never asked how you met Karl?” He queried, sticking his hands into the pocket of his Baja hoodie.

You smiled slightly. “Uh…” Shameless thoughts of you on your knees in a random building when you barely knew his name paced through your head like a quickfire of serotonin. “We had a lecture together and he liked my handwriting.” Sapnap smirked, chuckling slightly at your words.

Karl’s eyes were trained on the two of you, demeanor shifting each time one of you leaned towards the other to hear over the music or the two of you bumping each other’s arms to grab your attention. You knew he wasn’t jealous, but his look of curiosity was almost hilarious to you. Sapnap stuck by your side while Karl introduced you to his friends. He was basically your encyclopedia on the newer people as Karl would go off on a tangent with them.

The fact that Karl was so close to all of them and was so popular made your heart swell with pride. You were used to Karl’s deadpanned glares at most of his frat brothers and his snide comments, but now he was welcomed back like he was some kind of hero returning from the war.

After saying goodbye to Sapnap for the day, you threaded your fingers with Karl’s, enjoying the time where it was just the two of you. He brought the back of your hand to his lips, smoothing a kiss against your skin. “So… Sapnap’s mom…” you began, making him chew the inside of his cheek. “Where… did it happen?”

He looked down at you with a perked eyebrow before raising his sights forward, pulling you off the street where the two of you were walking. You followed him as the pair of you snuck through between the houses and across the backyards until the two of you were at Sapnap’s house again. Through the front windows, you could see him talking to his sibling in the kitchen.

Karl grabbed your hand, leading you along the side of the estate and toward the pool house. You wanted to groan at the thought before he pulled you through the door with him. “Are you serious?” You hissed, looking around at the dark place. Karl fought not to smirk as he peered out through one of the windows, watching the lights in Sapnap’s house turn out.

The moonlight streamed through one of the slender windows, illuminating his face and washing his features clean. Your gaze trailed along his arms; his tattoos peeking out from beneath his hoodie as he reached up to lock the door.

He turned back to face you, walking closer to you. “Did you have fun today?” He asked, plopping down on one of the couches and pulling you into his lap. He moved your arms to rest around his neck, pressing his lips to your skin. “I feel like I didn’t see you at all. Sapnap’s a bogart,” he muttered jokingly, settling his hands on your hips.

You scoffed before leaning toward him, pressing your lips against his. “Make it up to me,” you murmured, raking your fingers into his hair. “I think I selfishly need you to ruin me here; you know. Like a cleansing of you and Ms. Scarlet,” you chided.

He bit his lip, eyes pulsing with lust as he fought not to grin. You pressed your lips against his, turning to lay back on the couch and yank him on top of you. He chuckled into your kiss, as your hands moved to curl into his hair. His lust was a taste you could get drunk off if given the chance as his hands traveled the length of your body, moaning as you ground your hips against his, gripping into his clothes.

He leaned off of you momentarily to pull his shirt over his head as you slipped out of yours, you wrapped a leg around him, pushing him onto the couch instead and pinning him between your thighs as you straddled him, running your hands up his tattooed chest and connecting your lips again.

One of his large hands covered your breast as you began to grind your hips against his. His teeth grazed against your skin as he caressed your body while you moved against him, trying to create as much friction as you could against his jeans. He ran his fingers along the hem of your underwear, his lips curling into a smirk as he moved slightly to get a better look. "These are nice. Did you plan this?" He leered, snapping the elastic against your hip playfully. You rolled your eyes, pulling his chin towards you and pressing your lips against his. Every movement of his body seemed to lick at the fire deep within you.

You smirked breathlessly as his lips settled against your collarbones. “These are my church clothes. I had no other motive,” you jousted. His hand reached up to rest against your collarbone, his fingers lightly curling around your neck.

“Of course, how could I not realize,” he jabbed, pressing his lips and tongue against your neck. You moaned, tugging at his zipper before wrapping your hand around his cock, pumping him into harder arousal. He groaned against your neck, bucking into your hand lightly. His head tilted back against the couch beneath you, cheeks flushed at the attention. His teeth nipped at your skin as you ground yourself against his thigh, basking in his noises of pleasure.

His cock pulsed in your hand, making him grab your wrist and pull you beneath him. He gripped one of your legs, resting it in the crook of his elbow as he pushed himself into you, connecting your lips to swallow your moans. The feeling of him inside of you sent a wave of pleasure through your body. His voice was low in your ear, murmuring your name as if it were a curse. You moaned as he took one of your hands, lacing your fingers together beside your head as he kissed you again, tongue slipping into your mouth.

His thrusts became more rhythmless, his hold on you driving him deeper as the pool house filled with the noises of your whimpering moans. Karl’s breath was warm on your neck as he took advantage of your submissive state. He moved his hand from around your leg, wrapping his fingers around your neck again. Your body shivered, waiting for the pressure of his hand as his hips rocked against yours.

He chuckled darkly, teeth grazing against your shoulder before his lips hovered beside your ear. “Beg for it,” he commented, voice strained as he thrusted into you.

You swallowed, fingers digging into his back. “Choke me,” you groaned, “please.” His hand tightened around your neck, breath hitching in your throat as his thrusts became rougher. He bit back a smug grin at the way you reacted to his antics, relishing in your body beginning for more.

He relaxed his hand, pressing his lips to yours as you struggled to inhale. Heat ran through your body as your leg curled around his waist, nails raking down his back.

You leaned away from his lips, voice coming out unevenly as you moaned his name. His movements became sloppier as you groaned in bliss, tugging the flesh of his bottom lip between your teeth. You tipped your head back slightly as you reached your climax, riding out your pleasure and sending him over the edge as he pulled you closer to him, his hands digging into your hips as he encouraged you to continue grinding against him. You exhaled deeply, pressing your lips against his neck and his cheek before kissing him breathlessly as your movements slowed.

You pulled on your shirt, Karl’s hands moving to rest on your hips as he pressed a kiss to your neck. “Should we leave a note for Ms. Scarlet?” You joked, making him chuckle as his arms wrapped further around your waist, cheek pressing against your shoulder.

“Who?” He teased.

Tag List: (to be added, follow this link :))

@mrwinemaker @madsbbg @idiotinnit @westyywifee @kiritokunuwu @theholycakehole @itgetsatadhazy @himbobimboeater @karlkitten @pluto-dizzz @twist3dtinkerbell @more-like-reyna @teenage0jealousy @deepestofwaters @honk-izzie-was-taken @froggyy06 @ghoulandghost @instabull @glowstick-cafe @marshmallow-babe @drunkpumpkincake @anoaeunoia @little-gremlin-in-the-walls

[hockeyboysimagines]

Guess I always knew

Prequel to Say it to me Softly.

Pairing:Nolan Patrick x Sawyer Grey(OC fem)

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death, parties, alcohol, sexual situations, fluff, angst, harassment, fighting.

Hi all! This is really long, but it had to be done! Just some fun Nolan and Sawyer moments through the years until he asks her to move with him. Hopefully it can give you some background on them and you enjoy it!

-💕

Toast popped up just as Delaney wrapped the hair tie around the bottom of Sawyers braid

“Viola.” She said smiling and pulling it tight. Sawyer smiled at her sister as her mother pulled the toast up and put butter on it. It was a warm early summer morning and a cool breeze was drifting through the open screen door in the kitchen. The radio was on, Sawyer’s mother, Anna humming along with the radio as she moved about the kitchen making breakfast. Mason was in his high chair eating cereal, and she could hear Liv making her way downstairs. Kellan was seated at the island reading the sports section of the paper.

“ Alright.” Delaney said, finishing her orange juice and placing her plate and cup in the dishwasher “I’m out.”

“Where you off to today?” He mom asked as she stirred pancake batter, bowl perched on her hip.

“Heading to the lake with some friends, shouldn’t be home too late.”

Her mom smiled, as Delaney dropped a kiss in Mason’s head and slugged kellan in the side. She waved to the girls and her mom.

“Del?” She turned hoisting her bag over her shoulder, hand braced on the door frame.

“Be careful. “

She smiled “Always am mom.” She breezed out the door, the sound of her flip flops on the gravel growing faint until she reached her car and pulled out of the driveway.

“How bout you?” Her mom said turning to Kellan. He stood drinking the last of his coffee, and stretched setting the paper down.

“I’m heading out to pick up some bait, then I’m gonna meet dad out at the mill and we’re gonna go fishing and then we’ll be home with dinner.” She smiled and wiped her hands on her apron, accepting a kiss on the cheek as he walked to put his boots on.

“And you?” Sawyer smiled and before she could say anything she heard her name being called from the driveway.

“Why do I even ask?” He mother chuckled and opened the window.

“Good morning Nolan honey! Are you hungry?”

“Good morning Mrs.Grey! No thanks my mom wouldn’t let me leave without eating. She said she has flowers to drop off for you later today!” Sawyer shoved her feet in her sneakers and put her plate and cup in the dishwasher before giving her mom a quick hug and waving to her siblings.

Nolan was sitting on his bike at the bottom of the driveway, backpack strapped on his shoulders. Sawyer heaved her own bike up, throwing a leg over it and hoisting herself up on the seat.

“So what do you want to do today?” Nolan asked as they began pedaling down the gravel road.

Summer had just started, and they had 3 whole months of free time with no school, no teachers and no responsibility.

“ I don’t know. It’s not warm enough to go swimming.”

He shook his head as they continued down the road waving to various neighbors and classmates. The sun was out now, high in the sky beating down and burning their shoulders. They ended up pedaling out of the neighborhood and dropped their bikes at the end of a hill and hiked to the top. They could see almost the whole town from there. Nolan was stretched out laying on his back eyes closed. Even at 12 Nolan was all legs and arms, hair shaggy that he refused cut. His mom had given up chasing him around with scissors and threatening bodily harm if he didn’t keep it short.

“I’m so glad schools over.”

“Yeah me too. No more homework, no more class, no more hockey.”

“You love hockey.”

“ Well yeah I do but I like a good break now and again you know.”

They sat for a while talking about the important stuff all 12 year olds talk about until it got too hot. They trekked back down the hill and decided to go to Nolan’s. The sun was shining and the air was warm and what should have been the start of a fun filled summer was the day their lives were about to change. Nolan’s mom had come frantically running from the front door when she saw them coming up the front walk and ushered them both into the car.

Delaney Grey was gone, her car abandoned, and no one knew where she was. Sawyer watched the following days destroy her parents, and turn her world upside down. The discovery of her car and her body later on would change the course of Sawyers entire life. She would forever be known as the girl who’s sister was murdered. Nolan was more important to her than ever. His mom took her in, keeping her shielded and protected from things she didn’t need to see, and stepped in when her mom couldn’t.

Time passed, the wounds healed but her parents were never the same and never okay. A lot of it passed so quickly she woke some days and didn’t remember. But the time they turned 15 rumors and stares mostly died down, until the anniversary. It would always be a part of her, and something that would always affect her. But she had Nolan. So she would fine.

******

“Gosh it’s so hot.” Jessi was sitting on a lawn chair in Sawyers backyard, sunglasses perched on her nose. Jessie had become an unexpected and close friend over the school year. They had met in English class, and paired together in a project. Jessie had a purple streak in her long dark hair, and a nose ring but she was funny and the only person who she could spend long amounts of time with besides Nolan. He even liked her, and the two of them got along well. The girls had been laying out in their bathing suits for almost 45 minutes and the most color they had gotten was sunburn. Sawyer closed her eyes and tipped her head back. It was rare to have peaceful moments like this so she was going to cherish it.

“Speaking of hot-“Jessi lowered her glasses and nudged her chin forward. Nolan and Chase, along with some other guys she didn’t know had just pulled into her driveway.

“Are you sure you never hit that?” Jessi was talking about Nolan, as always. She didn’t understand how ‘two people so attractive could exist as just friends without sex’.

“No Jess, I have not.”

“Are you sure you don’t wanna now? I mean damn.”

“If you think he’s so hot why don’t you-“

“He’s way out of my league babe. I wouldn’t even try it. But you should.”

Nolan had immediately tried to get them to leave her driveway the minute they pulled up and he saw she was wearing a bikini.

“Oh hell no.” Chase said practically jumping out of the car. “Sorry Pat. You said I couldn’t touch, but you said nothing about looking.”

Nolan mumbled something and followed his friends into her backyard, already regretting not calling. Why couldn’t she be wearing clothing?

*******

Sawyer closed her locker, balancing her books in one arm as she clicked the lock shut. It was raining but it was Friday and school was halfway over. As she turned she bumped into a chest. She looked up, about to scold Nolan for sneaking up on her when she was greeted by Kyle Welch. Kyle was the captain of the football team and a pretty well known colossal dick, but all the same he was popular and someone she had never even spoken to. Her eyebrows shot up on her forehead and she took a step back.

Hi. Your Sawyer right?”

“I-Uh yeah?”

“Your in my English class right? We should study sometime.” He was smiling at her, all teeth like a fucking dragon. He was looking at her with the strangest of looks, one that made her very very uncomfortable. Like she was a piece of meat, a toy for him to play with.

“Uhm. Sure. I guess.”

He gave her another smile and a nod before walking down the hallway and disappearing.

She shook her head, still confused but began her walk to the cafeteria. She found Nolan and the rest of her friends seated at the usual table. She sat between Nolan and Chase, across from Jessie, still bothered by the exchange at her locker.

“Your never going to believe who asked me to study today.” She said as she bit into an apple slice from her spot between them.

“Who?” Chase asked turning to her, mouth full of sandwich.

“Kyle Welch.”

Nolan’s bottle of water banged loudly off the table as he dropped it and his head whipped towards her.

“He what?”

She nodded and as she went to speak Kyle himself passed by their table sending her a smile. Nolan was glaring at him so severely, if looks could kill Kyle would be dead and the football team would be out a captain.

“No fucking way are you helping that guy study.” Nolan said, face set in stone.

“Yeah I’m gonna have to second this one.” Chase said from her other side.

“I wasn’t going to anyways, I think he just did it to be a dick.” She could feel heat and tension radiating off of Nolan, though she wasn’t sure why. As far as she knew they had never had any interaction, and ran in separate circles. But he was still glaring at him all the same.

“I heard some pretty messed up shit about that guy.” Chase said, eyeing Kyle from across the room.

“Like what?” Jessie asked. She was staring at Nolan who was still visibly angry, eyebrows furrowed. She glanced at Sawyer, who shrugged and turned her attention to Chase.

“ I mean it’s just a rumor but someone said that spiked some girls drink at Jenny Miller’s party last year. And I guess she isn’t the only one. Apparently he’s done it before. Like I said, just what I heard but still alarming eh?”

“Just stay clear of him.” Nolan snapped. He was quiet for the rest of lunch till the bell rang. He gave her a long look as he stood, and then turned abruptly and left the cafeteria without another word.

“What’s his deal?” Jessi asked, making Chase roll his eyes.

“You know Nolan. Come on.” He said nudging Sawyer “We’re gonna be late.”

She had always tried to keep her distance from Kyle and his group of friends in general. Nolan had an issue with him that she never truly understood but because it was Nolan she trusted it was for a good reason. She was following behind Chase on the way to history, but as he rounded the corner Kyle reappeared in front of her separating them. Chase kept walking unaware that she was no longer behind him.

“Oh hi.” She said taking a step away from him. The hallway was mostly empty and he was way too close to her.

“So about studying. How about later?”

“Oh I Uhm. I don’t know.”

“Come on. My parents are gone for the weekend so we’ll have the place to ourselves.” He reached forward, and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She froze. Nolan had a habit of tucking her hair behind her ear, but it felt all wrong when Kyle did it, and she didn’t like it one bit.

“I can drive you to my house. It’ll be fun.”

“I usually drive home with-“

“Me.” She jumped and turned to find Nolan coming up behind her. He was glowering at Kyle over her shoulder, who looked at him unfazed.

“Is this your boyfriend or something?”

“Yeah I am. Let’s go.” He steered her away by the waist, and down the hall away from him.

“What the fuck was that about?” He stopped suddenly and spun to face her.

“He wanted me to come home with him after school. I said no.”

He rubbed his forehead eyes closed “Go to History. And wait for me after school. “

He left, storming down the hall leaving her standing in front of her classroom. After class she said goodbye to Chase and stuffed her books into her locker before walking out the back entrance of school. The rain had stopped but it was damp and chilly as she walked, avoiding puddles on the sidewalk. She rubbed her arms through her sweater, and as she turned the corner to the back of the building she stopped.

Kyle and a few of on his football buddies were hanging around, and turned to face her. Kyle smiled slowly, and gave her a once over, making her feel like she needed a shower. She felt trapped for a moment when she realized she was alone, the closest person being way ahead of her in the parking lot.

“Hey. Decided to take me up in my offer eh?” She was still glued to the spot.

“I was actually heading to meet Nolan. Excuse me.” She tried to brush past him but he grabbed her arm.

“Hey where you going?” He pulled her closer, fingers gripping her skin painfully. The other guys had wandered over, circling around laughing. She broke from his grasp only to have him catch both of her wrists and pull him to her.

“You should be thankful I’m even giving you the time of day.” He said coolly “Now how about you come get in my car and we’ll go to my house and you can get on your-“

“What is this?” Nolan had turned to corner with Rhett and Chase. Kyle released her and held his hands up. She bolted to Nolan, falling into his arms holding back tears. Had he not turned the corner she had no idea what would have happened. Kyle and his friends turned to leave, and he yelled over his shoulder.

“Have fun slumming Patrick.”

“I’ll kill him.”

“Whoa buddy. Calm down.” Chase said peering around him to look at her.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine I just really wanna go home.” She swiped at a tear, as more came rolling down her cheeks, she heaved in a ragged breath. He had scared her, and made her feel small. She wondered if this was how her sister felt when she knew she was in trouble that day. Small and scared. And alone. Nolan ducked his head down to look at her.

“Hey. Hey. It’s okay let’s just go.” She walked with them to the car, several student noticing her red eyes and tears. She got in quickly, while Nolan said goodbye to the guys. The ride home was quiet. Too quiet. She felt disgusting, and every time she closed her eyes she could feel his breath on her face and his hands on her skin. Nolan was gripping the steering wheel, knuckles white face unreadable. When he pulled up to her house, he parked and sighed. No one was home, and though normally he would drop her off, he got out.

“I’m not leaving you here alone.”

She nodded and he followed her up the front steps and in the front door. She was still crying as she dropped her backpack by the door.

“Sawyer.” He said softly. She turned, head bowed and he very gently wrapped her in a hug, sobs wracking her body. They stayed like that for a while, till she was all cried out.

******

Nolan had completely forgotten that he promised Bo he would do an “interview” the best day. While he was annoyed, he was also relieved. They had been friends for a long time, and Bo took his mind off getting in his car and driving to Kyle’s house to murder him. Sawyer was going to come over afterwards. She was still upset, but was doing her best to mask it. He felt guilty for letting her walk out of school alone that day, when he would typically meet her by the entrance.

After the whole thing was over and Bo ended the interview, miffed that Nolan had answered the phone before he was done speaking, Nolan hung up and turned back to Bo who was smiling mischievously.

“ So?”

“What?”

Bo rolled his eyes “We all know who your best friend is Pat and we both know it’s neither one of those guys.”

Nolan rolled his eyes and scowled “ Leave her out of this.”

“I would but she’s just so hot-“

Before Bo could say anything else Nolan had pulled the back of his shirt over his head and had him in a tight neck lock. The other guys laughed immediately trying to turn the camera back on.

“Alright Jesus let go Pat! I was joking!”

He released him and pointed a finger threateningly at him as Bo straightened his shirt and started giggling.

“I’m serious-“

“I know Pat I would never do that. I thought you knew me better than that.”

That was Nolan’s worst fear. Most of his friends knew better than to even think about asking Sawyer out but it didn’t stop them from looking and making comments. The speculation that surrounded them had grown huge by the time they were in high school, and while it was exhausting to have to answer the same questions over and over again Nolan found that he didn’t really mind that people thought there was some attachment between them. It kept guys away from her and while he knew it was selfish he couldn’t help it. He just didn’t think anyone was good enough for her. He had purposely said someone else’s name when Bo asked so that they would leave him alone about her and it had backfired anyways.

It was frustrating for Nolan to know that given the opportunity all his friends would make some type of move on her, and he would break both his legs before that happened. He tried to keep a barrier between her and them but most of the time it didn’t work. She was just so damn friendly and approachable, her big smile pulled people in like a magnet.

“ I thought she’d be around, where is she anyway?”

“None of your business.”

Bo held his hands up, and as if on cue Sawyers car pulled into his driveway. Nolan had tried to hurry the process of the ‘interview’ hoping they would be gone before she got there but Bo had spent so much time goofing around they were behind schedule.

Great.

She stepped out, closed the door and made her way to Nolan’s back yard. Her hair was curly today, falling down her back to her waist. She had on a pair of jeans and a long sleeve grey shirt. Even completely covered the other guys had already given her a thorough once over and continued to stare as she came to stand next to him. Nolan gave Bo one last glare

“Hi.” Nolan wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. For whatever the reason Nolan got slightly possessive over her in situations like this, which didn’t make sense because he wasn’t her boyfriend. But the arm that he wrapped around her shoulders stayed there, keeping her pulled flush to his side.

“Hi Bo.” She smiled at him, practically making the other guys flood Nolan’s yard with drool.

“Hey. Your boy here just hit me with a plastic ball right in the junk.”

“Well you probably deserved it.”

Nolan laughed and bid Bo and the others goodbye, as they filed out of his yard, and Sawyer followed him up the steps to his room and threw herself down on his bed. He pulled open a drawer and pulled his shirt off to put on a new one. Sawyer turned and felt a blush creep up her neck while he changed. She had seen him shirtless plenty of times but he had obviously been spending extra time in the gym and his long lanky frame was beginning to change.

What the hell am I saying? She shook her head and turned her attention to the tv instead, trying to ignore shirtless Nolan on the other side of the room. He pulled another shirt over his head and came to sit next to her.

“Tired?” He asked. She was curled in a ball, head on his pillow. She nodded and closed her eyes.

“I couldn’t sleep last night after you know-.”

He nodded “I’m still mad about it. But that’s never gonna happen again.”

He laid down next to her, settling in and flipped the tv on and she inches closer resting her head on his shoulder. She had an angry purple bruise on her wrist, another on her upper arm. He was pissed just looking at it. It was a reminder that he hadn’t been there to protect her.

Her eyes had slid closed. He was so warm and inviting and she felt safe and relaxed for the first time in 24 hours, as she felt his arm wrap around her shoulders. He felt her body grow heavy, and her breathing even out and grow slow. They were alone in his house, his parents and sisters were gone and would be for several hours. He reached a hand up and ran it tentatively through her hair. He always had his hands in her hair. It was thick and soft and caught the light just right when she moved. She stirred slightly, and wrapped an arm around his midsection, sighing. Her eyes opened and she tipped her head back to look up at him.

Nolan suddenly felt an extreme urge to kiss her. His eyes moved to her mouth, which was less than 6 inches from his own, and then back up to her eyes again. They stayed that way for a few moments before Nolan leaned forward slightly hand coming up to her face. Her heart rate increased as his nose brushed against hers. Their lips had just touched when the sound of a slamming door from downstairs made them jump apart and Sawyer moved clear across the bed away from him before standing up quickly. Nolan was alarmed at what had almost just happened and was rooted to the spot. She was backed up against the wall like a animal cornered in a cage, eyes large.

“Sawyer I-“

She hurried from the room, the sound of her feet carrying down the stairs, out his front door and into her car. He threw himself backwards and sighed.

Fuck.

******

Sawyer was standing with Jessie drink in hand when Bo came up behind her and bumped her shoulder.

“Your boy is here.” He motioned behind him with his head, and Sawyer rolled her eyes.

“He’s not my boy.” She looked over Bo’s shoulder and felt a twinge of annoyance. Nolan was standing with Rhett and Chase surrounded by a group of girls all giggling and twirling their hair around their fingers, giving them their best doe eyes. One girl in particular had Nolan’s attention, as he leaned against the wall hands in his pockets smiling as she spoke to him. The twinge of annoyance became anger. What the hell was he doing? He had nearly kissed her earlier that afternoon and now he was flirting with someone else?

“Kaylee Smith eh?” Jessie shook her head and took a sip out of her solo cup “Is anyone gonna tell him it’s supposedly like a cave down there?”

Bo stifled a laugh and looked at Sawyer. She was gripping her cup, other arm folded across her midsection.

“Well isn’t that just fucking cozy.”

She downed the rest of her drink and pushed through the crowd to get another one. Bo and Jessie watched her go before turning back to each other.

“This isn’t going to end well.”

“Maybe I should go warn Pat.”

Bo turned and weaved through the crowd of people, and gave Nolan a punch when he reached him. He turned pausing his conversation with Kaylee, and gave Bo a small smile.

“What’s up?”

“Can I talk to you?…. Alone?” Kaylee reached forward and gave Nolan’s hand a small squeeze before she turned to walk away.

“I’ll talk to you later.” She gave him a smile over the shoulder which he returned, and turned to leave with her friends.

“Are you a moron?” Bo asked arms folded. Nolan frowned, and Rhett and Chase both let out a chuckle.

“What?”

“Your about to cause a serious cat fight my guy.”

“Cat fight? I’m down for a cat fight.” Chase was snickering over the top of his solo cup, as he surveyed the girls in the living room.

“Who?” Nolan was confused. He had been talking to Kaylee since he had arrived and she was definitely flirting with him. He didn’t really have any interest in her, but he also didn’t have a girlfriend so he let her continue. And then it hit him. Sawyer had to be around here somewhere and no doubt it looked from the outside that he was going to take Kaylee home.

“Where is she?” Bo was frowning at him, and shook his head.

“What is up with you two? Your friends but I don’t think your really just friends-“

“Please dude we’ve had this conversation with him a million times and he refuses to budge.”

“Where is she?” Nolan repeated more forcefully this time. After what had happened earlier he had to at least explain himself. He couldn’t see her but he did see Jessie making her way through the crowd. He pushed in between them and caught her by the elbow.

“Nolan hi.” She knew what he wanted, but Sawyer had asked her to cover so she was going to.

“Where is she Jessie?”

“I don’t know honestly. I lost her a little bit ago. Check the bathroom maybe?”

Jessie’s face was solid as steel. She wasn’t going to tell him anything.

Sawyer in the mean time was in the kitchen pouring alcohol into a cup when she felt a presence behind her. Kaylee smith was leaning against the counter behind her, arms crossed. She had never spoken a word to her before so she wasn’t sure why she was in her space now.

“Sorry do you need something?” She wasn’t usually this snippy but she was already annoyed and the source of her annoyance was way too close for her liking.

“What’s with you and Nolan?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m going home with him, and I just want to make sure you aren’t together.”

Sawyer giggled into her cup, before sipping off the top of it and shook her head as it burned all the way down her throat. “Your awfully sure of yourself huh?”

She pursed her lips in a tight smile, head turning to the side “Honey, I always get what I want. So you can find your own way home tonight. Kay?” She gave a wide nasty smile and Sawyer saw red.

“You really think he’s taking you home? Then you don’t really know Nolan at all. And don’t ever think he’ll take you home over me. Ever.”

At that moment Nolan himself entered the kitchen looking relieved to find her and then awkward when he realized she wasn’t alone. Kaylee smiled at him but he brushed past her and stood between them.

“Can I talk to you.” He gently grabbed Sawyers elbow and pulled her out of the kitchen. She sent a small smile at Kaylee over her shoulder as he steered her away, and left her standing in the kitchen mouth open. Once out of sight she pulled her arm from his grip and nearly stumbled, catching herself on the wall.

“Are you drunk?”

“Not enough.” She took another sip of her drink and ran her fingers through her hair before she turned on him.

“You and Kaylee smith huh?” She was squinting at him, cheeks red, hand on her hip. She looked angry, but Nolan wasn’t sure why because he hadn’t done anything.

“What? No.”

“Oh please.” She jabbed a finger into his chest, and stumbled back from the force of it “I saw her all googledneyes-gogole eyeed” Nolan was almost tempted to laugh as she stumbled over her words eyebrows furrowed as she struggled to say what she was trying to.

“Okay. I think it’s time to take you home.”

“She said you were taking her home.”

“God no. I’m taking you home. Now let’s go.”

He said goodbye to his friends and put her in the car. Her house was dark which meant no one was home. He had a hell of a time getting her out and up the stairs. He had just gotten her in the door when he felt her start to shake. At first he thought she was going to puke and immediately held her out at arms length, and rubbed against the wall near the light switch trying to turn it on with no hands. But when she let out a whimper he realized she wasn’t about to get sick.

“Are you crying?”

“No.” She choked out, bracing a hand on his arm as she almost fell in the doorway.

“What’s wrong?”

“She’s gonna take you away.”

“What? Who?”

“Kaylee what’s her name? Girlfriends never let guys have girl beat friends.”

“Oh my god are you-stop.” He heaved her up the stairs as tear flowed down her face. He turned her around so her arms were around his neck, face tucked into his shoulder. She had herself pulled so tightly against him he was struggling to get up the stairs. He had one hand firmly on her lower back, the other one he was using to pull himself up the stairs by the railing. She let out a particular loud sob, and Nolan tired to pull her off of him to look at him, but she just held him tighter.

“Im not even into her like that.”

“Her. Someone else. Doesn’t matter. They’ll take you from me.” She whispered against his neck. Her words touched Nolan’s heart.

“That’s never gonna happen okay?” He opened her bedroom door and walked her forward to her bed losing his footing and falling down into bed with her. They landed, bed springs squeaking with a small ‘oof’. Her tears had subsided and she was laying with her eyes closed on her pillow as he untangled himself from her.

“ Nolan?” Sawyer asked face against the pillow

“ Hmmmmm?”

“ Do you still love me?” He chuckled and pulled the covers up over her, pushing her hair from her face. She was flushed and her eyeliner was smudged around the eyes from her crying, but she opened them and stared at him waiting for his answer.

“ Of course I do. Why?”

She sat up suddenly, getting right up in his face. He was frozen as she stared at him, lips pushing up against his, arm wrapping around his neck. It was chaste at first but then she pressed harder and pulled herself flush to him. Like his body was on autopilot he let his tongue trace across her lower lip, and she opened her mouth allowing him to push it inside. Her heart was beating hard in her chest as one of his hands tangled in her hair and gripped the back of her neck. They carried on a few more moments till he felt her tug at the bottom of his shirt.

“No Sawyer.”

She looked shocked, and then angry as she backed up against her headboard.

“Did you say no? “

“Yes I did.”

She sputtered for a moment, genuine hurt clouding her face. Nolan felt bad but he had to put his foot down.

“ What? Not pretty enough?”

“No that has nothing to do with it. I’m not gonna let you do this when your drunk. Now go to bed. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” She blinked sadly and laid down facing away from him. She was out within seconds and Nolan sighed looking down at her. He laid down on the sofa at the opposite end of her room, and folded his arm beneath his head as stared at the ceiling.

What the hell was going on?

Sawyer woke up with a raging headache the next morning. Her whole body hurt, and her mouth tasted like booze. She blinked a few times before she lifted her head and immediately put it back on her pillow. Her clothing from the night before was still on and as she curled up to snuggle deeper under the blankets her foot hit something. She froze and turned slowly to find Nolan was sitting up next to her on her bed, doing something on his phone. Her curtains were drawn shut and the room was still dark, but the the tv was on. She could hear the putter patter of rain on her window and could see the dark clouds through a sliver of window not covered by the curtain. He looked down when she stirred and smiled.

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Like I got hit by a train. She rolled over to face him, head still on her pillow.

“Go back to sleep. I’ll stay for a while.”

She nodded and yawned snuggling in closer to him. He reached a tentative hand up and let his fingers run through her hair. She was asleep within a few minutes, her head resting on her pillow by his hip. She didn’t remember last night and he wouldn’t tell her about it. It was a secret he would keep, and kiss he would try to forget.

Nolan never spoke of it to anyone, not his friends, family no one. It was a secret he would take with him not only for his own sake but for hers as well. He didn’t know what she was going through but what had happened last night could have changed everything. He had thankfully not been drinking at that point, because if he had he wasn’t so sure he would have stopped her. The way she had kissed him had sent a chill up his spine. He buried it, and things between them went back to normal, but sometimes late at night when he couldn’t sleep it floated into his mind, and though he would never admit it to anyone but his own conscience, he wanted to do it again.

*******

“Nolan James you are cutting this hair whether you like it or not.” His mom said as she shoved him out the door and into the car. Sawyer was chuckling as she buckled herself in the backseat. He threw his head against the passenger seat. He had worked so hard to grow it out.

“I will not have you looking like a homeless child when you get drafted.”

“Everyone wears it this way now mom-“

“Well you don’t.” Nolan grumbled, and bitched and moaned through the whole thing. His mom made him take it short, shorter than it had been in a long time. He looked clean cut and presentable, but she liked it long.

“You look SO handsome.” She said smiling at him through the mirror. He looked sadly at the long pieces that littered the floor.

“I better get drafted really high for this.”

*******

“Philadelphia selects from the Western Hockey League’s Brandon Wheat Kings, Nolan Patrick.”

Sawyer covered her mouth, blinking away the tears in her eyes. She watched as Nolan stood, and hugged his parents and sisters before turning to her and pulling her into a very long hug.

“I couldn’t have made it this far without you.” He whispered, before releasing her and walked up to the stage, and pulled on the orange sweater.

He had made it. And she was so proud of him. His mom gave her a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.

“It’s so important to him that your here.”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” She swiped at a tear, and clapped along with the rest of the crowd as Nolan stood on the stage and officially became a Philadelphia Flyer. She knew this meant she was going to lose him, that he would be far away and make new friends, and maybe even meet the girl he would spend the rest of his life with. But he had made it and that was all that mattered. When everything was all said and done, interviews completed and photos taken, it was just them alone in her hotel room. They had broken into the mini bar, and were laying on their back in the bed. The orange jersey hung on the back of a chair, and her black dress was hung on a hanger, shoes on the floor.

“How does it feel?” She asked quietly. The sun had just started to go down, the tv was on and she was sleepy from the long day and the alcohol. He shrugged.

“Nols you got drafted today. That’s a big thing.”

“Yeah. But it means I’m going to have to leave you.”

He turned his head to look at her. He was happy about the draft, but his whole life was in Winnipeg, with his family, his friends, and her. And he would leave all that at the end of the summer.

“I’m not going anywhere Nols. I’ll be here when you leave, and I’ll be here when you get back.”

There wasn’t much talking the rest of the night. They chose to sit in comfortable silence till they both fell asleep. They spent as much time together that summer as they could, clinging on to the last moments together for dear life. They were both absolutely terrified of being without each other for the first time in almost 19 years. She would have to re adjust her life at home without him, and he would have to start over somewhere new without her.

The night before he was due to leave they hiked up to the top of that hill they had sat on the day her sister disappeared. It was dark by the time they reached the top, the sounds of nightfall echoing through the trees. The moon was high in the sky, casting a pale milky glow over the trees and hills. The light sod town seemed so far away as they sat neither one saying a word.

“Will you come visit?” He asked quietly. She nodded.

“Of course. As soon as I can. Your gonna have so much fun in Philly Nolan.”

“I guess.”

It was quiet for a while before Nolan couldn’t take it anymore. He had been dying the last few months, each day getting shorter and shorter as it passed. His time with her seemed like it was being robbed from him. He went over it a million times in his head. And he always came back to the night she kissed him. A night she didn’t even remember and he would never forget.

“Sawyer.” He said suddenly, startling her. She was so used to him mumbling his way through life it took her aback how deep his voice was when he spoke clearly.

“What?”

“Can I- I just. Maybe this is just me being…whatever about leaving tomorrow but, can I…can I kiss you?”

She sucked in a breath, feeling like her chest was constricting. They had not spoken of their almost kiss the day he took her home when she was drunk, and she had pushed it out of her mind as a pity kiss for what had happened at the school the day prior. She didn’t remember the other one, and here he was asking her to do it again. He stared at her for a long time waiting for an answer. She didn’t know why she did it, she couldn’t think of a reason, she could barely even formulate words, but somehow she managed to say.

“Yes.”

He rose to his feet and extended a hand pulling her up with him. Her heart was clocking around in her chest, as she watched his hand moved forward and came to rest on her cheek. He stepped forward, pulling her against him very gently before he leaned down and brushed her nose with his own, before he pressed his lips to hers.

It wasn’t a heavy make out like in a movie. It was soft and slow, and shorter than she wanted it to be. When they broke apart, he sighed and let his forehead fall against her own.

“I don’t want to leave tomorrow.”

******

She watched with tears in her eyes as Nolan hugged his parents, various aunts uncles and friends at the airport. There had been no more talking, or kissing the night before. She didn’t know why he had done it, but it felt like it was okay. He finally turned to her, eyes sad and took a deep breath.

“Don’t cry.” He said as she fell slowly into him, arms coming around his midsection. A series of silent tears fell from her eyes as he rubbed a hand up her back. She knew this moment was coming, but she wasn’t ready for it. He pulled back to look at her, hands resting on her shoulders. She had her head bowed, two fistfuls of the material of his sweatshirt. His mom motioned for the rest of the group to turn around, and give them some privacy.

“Nolan.” Her voice caught in her throat. He reached forward and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear for what felt like the last time.

“I’ll see you soon.” He gave her a small smile, and let go of her still grasping her hand as he walked away towards the gate until they both let go. She wrapped her arms around her middle. She watched until he disappeared through security before she let out a choked sob. Bo, Jessi, And Chase immediately pulled her into a three way hug, and allowed her to cry on their shoulders right there in the airport.

*******

I hope you like this! It was both funny and sad and special to write! Let me know what you think💕

[angst-fairygodmother]

Girl Talk (The Song of Sway Lake Fic)

A/N: The moment has finally arrived! The first official collab/crossover between myself and @miss-kittys-magical-library​! I’m really excited for how this came out, and how much fun we had writing it together. 😊 Word Count: 3127 Rating: T - mild language, brief mention of blood, discussion of violence

~The Papermill bookstore, Sway Lake~

Selina burst through the door of the bookstore.  She almost doesn't wait for Jess to say hello or ask questions.  Selina is overcome with adrenaline, the exhilaration of what she did. A giant smile spread across her lips.  There's almost a dreamy look in her eyes.  

She's covered in blood: her hands, her jeans, the bottom of her shirt.  Selina held her hands like a surgeon so she didn't touch anything.  

Jess’s mouth hung open while she pointed nervously towards the upstairs.  Her friend knew where to find what she needed.

Selina comes out of the hot shower knowing Jess will be in the room waiting.  She found clean clothes but stopped to study herself in the mirror.  Somehow she felt like her body had changed somehow.  

Selina caught a picture of her and Jess and held it up.  How far they've come from the girls in the photo on her best friend’s dresser.

She glimpsed Jess in the mirror, a strange smirk on her face.  Selina knew something was up.  She handed the picture to her friend and spoke,

“Can you believe this was us?”

------

There had been a time in life where Selina and Jess had told each other everything, no matter what. And yet somehow this summer, one of the most eventful in recent history, Jess hadn’t told her best friend anything. Anyone who had spent any time on the lake knew about tensions between the Sways and...basically everyone, but especially Selina’s mother and her relatives. And more than that, it had been kind of nice to have a good secret all to herself for a little while. But she missed her friend, and would have loved her advice on what to do about the boy who was quickly becoming someone important, and a problem for her heart. 

She was just thinking about the other girl, wondering if she should call her after work, maybe suggest a bonfire or late night rowboat race like they used to have, when Selina burst through the door. Jess’s eyes fell to the blood first, and then rose quickly to Selina’s face and the expression that didn’t match the apparent situation at all. 

A thousand questions raced through her mind as she pointed her best friend toward her bathroom (not that Selina didn’t know where it was by now) and made quick work of closing the shop. She didn’t seem hurt, so everything else could wait. While Selina washed herself clean, Jess dug for any clothes left behind the last time she had come for a visit, and failing that, any old shorts and t-shirt. She left them on top of the dresser and poked her head into the bathroom to gather the discarded bloody garments and throw them into the wash. 

Selina was standing in the bedroom, studying herself in the mirror when Jess returned, and for a moment she wondered, again, if her friend was injured. 

“Can you believe this was us, what?”

Selina laughed, “These girls.  We’re just girls here trying to be grown women.  I sort of treated you like I did Sunny.” 

She waited for Jess to maybe bristle or tense up at his name. “I marched on to the beach, saw the first girl my age who had SOMETHING in common with me, and declared you mine.  We aren't little girls anymore.”  

There was a bittersweetness in her voice.  Selina didn't even care that she was naked. 

Jess laughed. She remembered that day, meeting Selina after escaping her siblings in search of a moment of peace and quiet, far from what actually found her instead. But they had got on so quickly she'd forgotten to be angry about it.  

"No, we really aren't," she agreed with a tinge of nostalgic sadness in her own voice.

She leaned back on her hands on the bed, watching her friend study the picture. "I never minded, you know. It was kind of nice to be claimed by somebody. You'll always be my first for that," she bit her lip, hoping the joke didn't come off as uncomfortable given the situation. 

Selina finally dressed and sat beside her friend on the bed.  Her knuckles caressed the other woman’s cheek before she swept the hair from her face. Without a thought, she leaned in and gently pressed her lips to Jess’s, tongue lingered a bit before she broke away.  

“That's from Sunny too.”  Selina laid on her side tucked under Jess’s arm.  “How is it that I was here for a few weeks, and youuuu have been tramping around Sway Lake with some chick?!  Have you gone FULL lesbian?” she dropped her voice low. 

Jess turned onto her side, propping a head on her arm to face Selina. 

"You two are so weird," she rolled her eyes. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that." 

Her stomach flipped at the thought of Sunny, eyes cast to the ceiling as her thoughts wandered. She loved Ollie, but there was something raw about the idea of losing the other boy, even though he wasn't really hers anymore and hadn't been in quite some time. 

She quirked a teasing eyebrow as she returned to the present moment and the woman beside her.

"If I was going to do that, do you think it would be with anyone else than you? Whoever gave you your gossip needs glasses."

Selina’s mouth dropped open, “There's a guy around here with hair that long?!”  

She linked her arm through Jess’s and pulled her in for a hug.  The other woman now wrapped up in her embrace.  Selina let her chin rest on her friend’s head as she stroked her hair.  “You feel happier.  Content.  Like you're just drifting along.  I know you loved Sunny in your own way, but this is different.  It's the,” she ran a hand up and down Jess’s body without touching it, “this.  Papa would call it your aura.” 

Jess grinned. "I am. I'm really, really happy," she answered dreamily. "Ollie's a really sweet guy. But only here for the summer…"

She swallowed down the lingering bitter taste her argument with Ollie the previous morning had left in her mouth, not wanting to burden the conversation with her fears. Especially not when she still had so many questions of her own. 

"But don't think asking about my love life is going to get you out of explaining yourself, missy." She teased.

Selina sat up, “Oliver Sway?!  Jessica!  Come on.  Any other Tom, Dick or asshole at this stupid lake.  Sunny.  Sunny’s RIGHT THERE.  Just grab him by the ankle and bring him back to Earth.  He needs you.”

She took a breath, “That.. harpie will tear you apart because you aren't good breeding.  It's Sway Lake because that's what those upper crust cunts hold over this entire town.  Sway.  Lakes dont belong to one family, they should belong to EVERY person.  Are Sunny and I the only ones NOT under this family’s curse?  First Tom, then Nikolai and now you.”  

Selina’s voice was full of disappointment more than anger.  She looked at her hands.  Her palms, white and clean, were just caked brownish red not even an hour ago.  “It can't be the both of us.”

"Nikolai?!" Jess asked, staring for a moment before doubling over in laughter. "Oh god it all makes sense now."

She struggled to contain her laughter, gasping for air and wiping away the tears in her eyes from it. 

"Fuck Charlotte Sway, I couldn't care less what she thinks," she said, sobering and then sighing. "It's not like I planned on falling in love with Ollie. But I did, and it kinda scares me. I really really don't want to lose him. And he hates her and the whole legacy bullshit as much as anyone. Let it all rot or burn or whatever."

Jess was silent for a moment. It was hard to say Selina was her only or even oldest friend. But they were best friends, for certain, and they knew everything about each other. There were even times when they were younger that Selina and Sunny had talked about soulmates and Jess had wondered if she were hers. Which is why her stomach twisted with guilt as she realized just how unsettled Selina was, and pretending not to be. 

"But enough about me, it doesn't matter. Are you okay?"

Selina took Jess’s hand in hers.  She laced their fingers together and laid down again.  This time she and her friend were side by side.  She was certain no one in any spoken language had invented a word for what the two of them were.  

Selina knew it was why Leon and Johnny always ended phone calls and visits with long hugs and I love yous.  Why Honey and Klaus showered each other with intimacy and affection Honey showed Leon.  Friendships that made people question your sexual intentions.  It was probably something in the Kostas skin, like a pheromone. 

The 23 year old pushed the thought out of her mind that everyone around them was their friend because they didn't have a choice.  Instead she squeezed Jess’s hand.  

“You know Honey, she holds grudges with a tight grip.  There's only two people she hates: Charlotte Sway and Reginald Hargreeves, and he's the one she really wants dead.  Charlie is lonely and miserable. That's punishment enough for Mama.  Papa always says she would make a great Mafia don. She DID like Tim Sway; 

cried when he killed himself.  He wasn't even Charlot-”  Selina cut herself off.  “Either way Ollie must take after him then.  I hope he does.  I think we played together when we were little?”   

She realized she was avoiding the question and wanted to deflect solely on Jess.  Sunny wasn't the only one who slept around up here, or had a weird effect.  Selina again panicked if maybe, somehow, what was in him was in her.  That the Russian on a canoe in the middle of the night would show up in the Village, screaming at her in the dead of night.  Some of the guys she fucked flopped around on top of Selina for a few minutes, got off while she stared at the ceiling.  Then they laid claim to her like any White guy who thought he owned someone else’s land.

“And don't laugh like that either!  I was doing my duty as a future nurse and helping someone who got hurt.”   

She watched Jess cross her arms, even on her back.  She was giving Selina THAT stare.  Selina threw her hands up. “Ohhh,” she whined, ”I was swimming, floating really.  Probably out further than I should be in the middle of the night, but that fucking moon.  And there he was on his way to get rid of those horrendous jet skis of Jimmy’s.  And he was flirtatious and made me groan, but also laugh?” 

Selina had pulled her knees up to her chest so she could hug them.  A far off look on her face.  “And he's very.. I didn't really pay attention to what he looked like.  WHO, right?  It was just this fire that went through me.  Like I knew him?  

“Mama always talks about the day I was born and speaking into existence this notion. That every version of her will be loved by and love Papa.  She thought it was blood loss creating insanity, but Sunny and I had designs on a love like theirs.”

“And the way Nikolai made me feel, and the way he knew my body?  We didn't even fuck; not like that.  I haven't cum that hard or much ever.  Even by myself.”

“Then he got hurt, and I made Sunny take me to him.  Ollie had saved him, right?  As we're stitching him back together, I see his face.  That face I grew up with three times over.  He's fashioned for me, Jess.  Maybe like Ollie is for you.  But Nikolai is Leon and Nicklaus and Klaus and he's made to be mine.” 

"No, no  I'm not laughing at that, or you," Jess promised. "Just...the first decent conversation Nikolai and I had, he mentioned meeting someone. Matching his description to you is what's funny. And the fact that you two are such opposites." Jess paused, smiling in fondness for both parties in question. "But it's safe to say he likes you, a lot." 

She felt silly now, not putting it together sooner. After all, there was no one else in the world she could think more aptly described as a siren made of the moon. And as funny as it was on paper, something about Selina and Nikolai made sense. 

 And, it made her heart beat giddily. Her faith in fate was complicated, but when it came to the Kostases, the concept was shockingly simple. And it seemed impossible that this was just coincidence, the four of them tied together like this. 

'Or maybe,' she silently scolded, 'it's wishful thinking so you can tell yourself you're not being completely crazy.' 

The rest of what Selina said registered belatedly and she blanched. "Wait. That was a lot of blood. Are you saying that it was all Nikolai's?"

“It was,” Selina replied softly.

"Jesus. What did he do, get in a knife fight?" Her voice was a mixture of concern and annoyance. 

She could see Nikolai doing something like that, to defend his own pride which he deflected onto Ollie, or for some other stubborn, idiotic thing. And now that there were two people she loved who would get hurt if something happened to him, she made a note to have a little chat with him about being so reckless. And to find Ollie later to check on both boys. 

"I know if he had you helping take care of him, I don't have to ask if he'll be alright." She nudged Selina teasingly with a shoulder, hoping to break up some of the heavy, contemplative air settling over them both.

“Knives don't cause QUITE as much damage as you think.  Unless you hit a vein.  Diego showed me how to do it effectively once.  Plus if he's like the others, Nikolai probably prefers fists to weapons.  Or the spider monkey sleeper-hold thing Klaus and Sunny do.  Although Papa stabbed Uncle Jonny once, it was just an artificial wound.” 

Selina suddenly scooped Jess up in her arms so they could go back to a cuddle.  She tangled her legs and arms around Jess to sort of dominate her personal space.  Her forehead pressed into her friend’s neck.

“He and Jimmy got into it, and they were on the boat dock.  Nik slipped and hit his head.  Ollie swam for like, the first time ever to get him up into a boat.  Had pressure on it.  I just stitched him with fishing wire.  They'll do better at the ER.”

Selina sighed, “If he's like them he wouldn't die anyways.  Klaus died like twice in a few days, also head injuries?  Either way, Nikolai would’ve been fine without me.”  

Then almost like an afterthought, “Did you say he talked to you about me?  Probably something about conquests and the Russian army.  But you!  YOU FELL IN LOVE this summer!  I got my pussy licked and think he's this mythical soulmate.  You're in actual, real love.”

Selina propped up on her elbow, “Have you slept together?  No I'm sorry,  YOU get to call it MAKING LOVE!!”  she burst into a fit of giggles around cheeks fired by jealousy.  “I am happy for you.  I promise.  I'm glad Sunny..  I'm just happy.”

"No, actually," Jess said, shifting around Selina so they tucked together more cleanly, like two matched puzzle pieces. This kind of closeness wasn't Jess's favorite thing, but Selina knew that, and Jess trusted that if she didn't need it, she wouldn't be initiating it. "It was surprisingly non-militant. And only one nautical reference."

Jess hesitated, remembering some of the incidents Selina had to deal with and one or two more from the summers that  Sunny, or Jess herself, had headed off before they got far enough to be a concern (or for Selina to even know). She wanted her friend to know just what Nikolai had said, and that he very much did not just see her as just some conquest. But the line between sweet and creepy was a hazy one at best. She brought one hand away from the tangle to fret the corner of her thumb between her teeth while she thought it over. 

"I'm not saying I'm jealous...but I thought it was romantic. And dramatic of course, look who we're talking about. But dramatic isn't always bad. I wish you'd stop dismissing yourself like that. Soulmate or no, you have some sort of feelings for him which seem serious; one might call it a crush at least. And he made you feel good. He made you happy. You're allowed that. You deserve it. And now, for the moment if not more, you have it, savor it." 

"As for Ollie and me..." 

She froze, frowning as she struggled to figure out just what to say. There was a part of her that feared a reputation of some kind (even though it was just Ollie that she'd been a first time for, and Sunny, but he didn't count). And another part that wanted to keep it to herself, even though most of her wanted to share. She bit again at her thumb, searching for words. 

"It's not that big of a deal?" 

Selina bit her lip before a yawn escaped her.  “One: a crush is a crush because you can get hurt.  Otherwise, it would be called a cushion.  I think that's what Papa said once.  Or was it Klaus?”  

Selina closed her eyes now. “Either way, it's a very big deal!  I can feel the difference in you.  I want you to be in love.  To maybe leave Sway Lake.  Come back to the city with me?  Close up this place for a few months.  You can live with me.  Or Oliver for a little while. Oh lovely little Oliver making my sweet Jessica come ‘round again.  All your sadness and little pieces everywhere.  I couldn't stitch you back together with fishing wire, could I?  I shouldn't have let Sunny break your heart.  I just didn't want being around me to remind you of him.  I'm sorry.  But Ollie.. he’ll..  Sorry, I think I'm a bit delirious from adrenaline?  Mind if I nap a bit?” 

But Selina was fast asleep before Jess could give permission.

Jess shook her head with a smile, carefully extricating herself and tucking her friend into the bed. Selina had given her a lot to think about.

[redrobinhoood]

The War Is Over | one-shot

A/N: Alternate ending to Age Of Heroes, can stand on its own.

AO3 Link | 2,200 words (approx)

Summary: What if Palpatine wasn’t the Sith Lord? The happy ending where the whole crew goes to 79′s.

Rex laughed at the hologram in his hand. “I’d hate for you to miss out on the celebration. I know you love the dress greys.”

“Mhm. They really bring out the bags under my eyes. Maybe after the formal dinner we could go get absolutely pissed at Seventy-Nine’s. You, me, Wolffe, Echo, Ahsoka, whoever else wants to join us.”

“Commander Tano is seventeen, Cody. That’s underage.” Though she’d soon be eighteen and drinking age in most systems, Rex still thought of her as the same brash fourteen-year-old he had met on Christophsis when it came to anything but combat.

“Four years older than we are. You can’t protect her forever, Rex. If she can fight in a war and die for the Republic, she can have a drink. Though, with the amount you lot drink, she may swear alcohol off entirely.”

“I’ll make sure Jesse is there if that’s our goal.”

Cody grinned and looked around the medical bay before turning back to Rex conspiratorially. “Do you really think we’re going to win?”

“General Skywalker thinks so. Why not?” Rex couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “Count Dooku is dead, General Grievous is dead, you’ve captured Maul. We may have just won the Clone Wars.”

“Isn’t that something.” A new message chirped on Cody’s comm, and he stopped to glance at it. “I’m needed on the bridge, Rex.”

“Well, duty calls.”

“I’ll see you on the other side of the war.”

“See you on the other side of the war. Take care of yourself, Cody.”

---

The war was over.

Ahsoka stood before the mirror in her room, running the strand of beads that had served as her padawan braid between her fingers before setting it off to the side and returning her focus to her reflection. She was a Jedi, vanity had no place in her mind, but she couldn’t help but admire the ornate patterns lining her new white robes. Barriss had chosen the design with her, and Master Ti had helped the young women incorporate it in a traditional togrutan manner. Master Windu had, of all beings, been the one to help them sew the fabric on in straight lines.

The war was over.

Rex tugged on the collar of the new service dress whites. He hated the constrictions the fabric imposed on him.

“You’ll break the clasp if you keep doing that.” Cody, always the older brother figure, leaned over and straightened Rex’s collar before moving to straighten the colored shoulder pads they had been given. Rex let Cody have his moment. He had bounced back from his injuries, cleaned himself up, then spent the past week overseeing Darth Maul’s interrogation. He deserved to do what he wanted for a bit. Or at least, that was how Rex justified it. Cody still did outrank him, as evidenced by the extra ribbons and decor his uniform bore.

“Maybe I wanted to break the clasp.” Rex whispered as Cody straightened back up in his seat. “Get out of this awful dinner.”

“Now, now, Rex. Play along for the senators. This is their moment after all.” Wolffe chided from Cody’s other side.

The war was over.

---

Ahsoka met the group of clones outside of the Senate, bounding over as soon as they were in sight. “Notice anything different?” She asked, twirling around.

“You have a back to your shirt?” Fives offered.

“No, no. She fixed the holes in her leggings.” Tup corrected.

“You changed your hair.” Echo said.

Ahsoka laughed and turned to Rex. “Any other observations?”

“No, I believe they covered it.” Rex smirked and lay an arm around Ahsoka’s shoulders. “Congratulations, Jedi Knight Tano.”

“Will all due respect, Commander Cody, does this mean that she officially outrank you?” Jesse asked.

“No. No I’m still taller.” Cody glanced over at Kix. “That’s how it works right?”

“Absolutely.” Kix confirmed. “Until the tips of her montrals pass your height next week, you’re in charge.”

Rex made a sound of indignation. “You’re saying that like she’s going to grow up.”

“Rex, I went with you to the Citadel, I’ve faced off against Sith lords and you’re worried about me growing up?” Ahsoka hoped that the men wouldn’t notice how her eyes were getting misty.

“Of course I am, kid. You’re only, what, fourteen?” He teased.

“Absolutely, Rex. I’m the youngest Jedi Knight in the history of the Order.” She squinted up her eyes and nose and shook her head at him.

“That’s cause for celebration then!” Cody threw an arm around Wolffe and Echo and leaned slightly forward towards her. “As your commanding officer until this time next week when your montrals surpass me, would you like to join us at Seventy-Nine’s?”

“Cody!” Wolffe protested.

“General Plo doesn’t need to know.” Cody assured him. “Are you in, Ahsoka?”

Ahsoka glanced around at the men surrounding her. Rex and Wolffe were wearing looks of indignation. Jesse looked surprised. The Domino Twins and their adopted triplet were biting back laughter. Kix seemed unphased. Cody looked steady in his proposition.

“I’m in.”

Obi-Wan was going to be so mad when he found out about this.

---

The eight clones and one togruta crammed onto the two benches around the corner table. Ahsoka found herself squished between Wolffe and Echo. The situation would have been uncomfortable in armor, but without it was not unlike crowding into a gunship during an evacuation. Not the most convenient spot to find yourself in, but still very enjoyable at the heart of it.

“Fives and Kix are taking orders, what do you want, General Tano?” Echo asked, tossing his head towards the men, who were sitting at the ends of each bench.

Ahsoka bit her lip. “I don’t know, I don’t know what they have.”

Fives pointed a finger in her direction. “I got you.”

Ahsoka tried to commit everyone’s orders to memory as she looked around at the interior of the club. She wanted to connect the drink’s appearances to their names when Fives returned. She listened to the conversations around her as she continued to sweep the room. Wolffe on her left was talking to Cody, who was sitting directly across from him and was just as squished into the wall as he was. Beside Cody was Rex, who was politely listening to Echo’s recount of the Citadel to Jesse and Tup, who had brought it up in the first place.

“I did not trip when we unfroze, your liar.” Fives insisted as he and Kix returned with two trays of drinks.

“Oh yes, you did.” Ahsoka grinned. “I saw you when Master Kenobi and Master Skywalker were arguing.”

“I should have gotten you a soda.” Fives scoffed, passing her a drink.

She took it and looked suspiciously at the brown liquid. “What is this?”

Fives shrugged and sat back down next to Tup. “A drink.”

Ahsoka took a small sip, then a larger one. “Just whiskey?

Rex nearly choked. “Excuse me?”

“What, you think I’ve never had a drink before?”

“Actually, yes. Where have you had whiskey before? Not from General Skywalker.”

“No, not from Anakin.” She agreed and glanced over towards Cody.

“Cody.” Rex turned as much as he could on the crammed bench to berate his brother while Ahsoka turned her gaze over to the men on her right. Echo raised his glass and nodded at her. She caught a glimpse of Tup’s wide eyes behind him, though her attention was quickly drawn back across the table to Kix biting his hand to muffle his laughter from Rex. Ahsoka could feel Wolffe’s arm shaking from similarly repressed laughter as Cody tried to defend himself from Rex’s accusations.

Eventually, Cody was vindicated and Jesse and Tup brought another round. Ahsoka accepted the fruity drink Tup had chosen for her as her last one and stuck with it for subsequent rounds. Kix’s mid-drink lecture on clone and togruta metabolism solidified her stance, along with Wolffe’s attempt to parent her in the generals’ absence.

In the end, she found herself stumbling out of Seventy-Nine’s with Jesse draped half over her shoulders and half over Kix’s. Once they were in a less populated stretch of road Rex came up to her side and wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her up, taking some of Jesse’s weight off her.

“Ahsoka. I don’t know what comes next, but I want you to know that I’m proud of you, kid.” Rex smiled down at her.

She beamed back up at him. “That means a lot to me, Rex. It’s been an honor to serve with you.”

“It’s a pity you only served in the third best legion in the GAR.” Cody shouted from behind them. “Your battalion is the reason General Kenobi is going grey.”

“At least I’ve never threatened to tie General Skywalker’s lightsaber to his wrist.” Rex shot back.

“Only because you have the astromech to retrieve it.”

“Look.” Echo cut in. “You can diss the general all you want, but leave Artoo out of it.”

“Even Wolffe likes Artoo-detoo.” Fives nodded his head in agreement.

“I said I can tolerate it.” Wolffe responded.

“Him, Commander. Artoo has masculine programming.” Tup spoke up.

“Yeah, it’s what really brings us all together.” Kix agreed.

Ahsoka couldn’t help the laughter that spilled from her lips. Maybe being a little tipsy, she wouldn’t dare say she was drunk, had something to do with it. Maybe it was just the stress of the past three years being lifted off her shoulders. They’d all made it. The Separatists had surrendered and with their surrender Chancellor Palpatine had stepped down and opened the floor in search for his successor. Supposedly, he was going to retire by the lakes of Naboo. She wondered if he and Padme were to one day be neighbors.

They managed to get back to the barracks in one piece and Ahsoka soon found herself in Rex’s room along with Cody and Wolffe and a large pitcher of water.

“No hangovers.” Wolffe emphasized as he poured Ahsoka a generous cup of water.

“And that’s the reason why the five-oh-first is only the third best legion.” Cody said as he tapped his glass against Ahsoka’s. “You’d have a shot at perhaps being number two if you weren’t so dehydrated.”

“With you as the number one?” Rex scoffed.

“Oh no, the three hundred twenty-seventh corps.” Cody shook his head at Rex. “Gotta support my batchmates.”

“And who is the second?” Ahsoka asked. She had never seen these men this calm before. Some of it was the alcohol, but most of it was the weight of the war lifting from their shoulders.

“Forty-first corps, of course.” Wolffe answered.

“I’ll make sure to pass that on to Barriss.” She laughed.

“So, where do you two lie on this scale?” Rex asked, sitting down and propping his feet up on his bed.

“We’re too good to be measured by a single-factor scale such as this one.” Wolffe waved his hand dismissively. “It’s like if you were trying to pick your favorite ARC trooper.”

“It’s Echo.” Ahsoka cut in. “Fives and Jesse have their moments, but it’s usually Echo. Deny it.”

Rex shook his head. “I am to be an impartial captain over all of my men.”

“That means yes.” Cody smirked.

A comm chirped, and the four beings scrambled for their comms. It was Cody who had the pleasure of the summons.

“Obi-Wan.” Cody casually answered.

“Cody.” Obi-Wan’s crisp voice came through the comm. “I don’t suppose you’ve kidnapped Ahsoka, have you?”

"Rex and I took her down to Dex’s this evening. Is there a problem with that?”

“That depends on what state she’s in when Anakin arrives at the barracks in five minutes.”

“Ah, thank you, sir.” Cody turned the comm off and topped up Ahsoka’s water glass. “With all due respect, Ahsoka, do you own any makeup? Your tails are flushed.”

Ahsoka sighed. “No, I don’t.”

Wolffe gulped down the rest of his water and set the glass on Rex’s desk. “It’s been a wonderful evening, but I’d rather not dirty my reputation with the likes of you when General Skywalker arrives.”

“Oh, get out.” Rex laughed as Cody gave his batchmate a shove out the door.

“So, who’s taking the fall for this one?” Ahsoka asked.

“I believe that the great Marshall Commander Cody should, considering that it was his plan.” Rex said.

“I agree, especially since he’s still in charge, right, Rex?”

“That’s right.”

“You two are horrible.” Cody laughed.

When Anakin Skywalker arrived in the barracks, it was to find his and Obi-Wan’s right hand men and his former padawan asleep on the common room couches. And if he saw the flush of their cheeks, or lekku, if he saw the way their eyelids twitched when he walked closer, and if he saw the slight shaking of Ahsoka’s chest as he walked away, he never told them. He thought it better to let them get away with a few things here and there rather than train three good liars. With a smirk, Anakin lowered himself onto the fourth couch and let himself fall into sleep amongst his friends.

[tiggyloo]

Five Months Later

Also up on AO3, linked in my description!

~~~~

Jesse's parents had been shockingly open to the idea of Lake staying with them, even if they were a little...taken aback by the whole "made of metal" thing. Though, if their son could suddenly vanish without a trace and then reappear several weeks later perfectly unharmed, then what the heck. Sure. Metal girl.

Lake had adjusted pretty well to normal life (well, as normal as it could be given her "complexion") and she was happily settled into her own room. She'd been given the guest room a few days in, after it had been cleaned up. Of course, it wasn't for another week and a half that she actually used it consistently. She'd be disturbed by terrors about the train and the Flecks every few nights and would then end up sulking over to Jesse's room, as being next to him would be the only way for her to get back to sleep. Thankfully, he didn't seem to mind.

And now it was December, five months later. Lake had a new haircut (an undercut--and it took FOREVER to find something that could actually give it to her), new clothes, and a phone, which Jesse's parents were generous enough to buy for her. She was truly part of the family now. Lake couldn't have been happier as she played out in the snow.

She and Jesse had helped Nate with building a snow fort that morning, which turned into a snowball fight after lunch (with Jesse and Nate acting as a team, of course. Not exactly fair, but still fun). Nate wanted to build a snowman after that; they ended up making four.

When they were finally done for the day, it was 11:23 PM. Mrs. Cosay had made everyone hot chocolate, and Jesse's empty mug now rested on the floor, while Lake held hers in her lap. Nate had gone to bed two hours earlier, and Jesse's parents had turned in about thirty minutes ago with a "don't stay up too late!" as they left Jesse and Lake on the couch in their pajamas, watching some old holiday stop motion movie.

"How old is this movie?" Lake asked. "The animation is clunky and...unsettling."

Jesse laughed at that. "I guess so. I'm not really sure when it was made, though. A while ago."

"Well, yeah, obviously."

Lake yawned a moment later and leaned against Jesse--a heavy weight, but one he could manage.

The movie prattled on for a while longer, with Lake making offhanded comments every so often until it was over.

“That movie wasn’t worth staying awake for,” Lake said and Jesse chuckled.

"I guess we should go to bed now," he said and turned the TV off. Lake sat up and stretched before hopping off the couch. 

"Sounds good to me," she said as she walked off to the dark kitchen. Jesse retrieved his mug from the floor and left the remote on the coffee table before following. 

When he entered the kitchen, he found Lake sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the glass door to the backyard. Jesse left his mug by the sink and walked over to her.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked, sitting down beside his friend.

"Just looking," was her answer, and Jesse gave a nod.

"I never found anything like this on the train," she continued, not moving her gaze from the snow outside. It was a clear night, with the stars and moon shining across the cold blanket of snow and lighting everything up in a sparkling, beautiful blue. It was bright enough to leak inside, casting a glow over the tiles that mixed with the lamp light from the living room.

"I didn't get to see the snow very much when I was stuck in the mirror realm, either. I'd get a lucky glance if Tulip walked past an icicle or something, but… Well, there's not a lot to reflect when everything is covered in snow, ice, and frost."

Jesse looked at her and saw that she was still staring outside, seemingly lost in the view. He expected her to look angry or upset, as she usually does when she talks about the train, but he only saw content on her face, the snow sparkling off her metallic skin.

Lake caught his gaze and he smiled at her.

She rolled her eyes and looked back outside. It was back to silence for a few minutes as the two watched the twinkling snow.

Then Lake silently grabbed Jesse's hand and he turned to her once more. This time, he saw her looking in the opposite direction; enough of her face was still visible that he could see her blushing.

He decided to look away and not bother her.

Soon after, he felt eyes on him and he glanced at Lake, who was watching him quietly. She looked embarrassed and almost... shy , though Jesse couldn't begin to understand why. Lake wasn't exactly the shy type . Not by a long shot.

She held a little tighter onto his hand.

"...Hey, are you okay? Is something bothering you?" Jesse finally asked, starting to look concerned over her silence.

Lake jolted and quickly looked away, eyes wide. Oh, geez, had she zoned out? How long was she staring?

“Uh, Lake-?”

"Nothing!” she cut in and immediately made a mental note to kick herself later.

She cleared her throat. 

“S-sorry. I’m fine.”

The fingers of her free hand drummed against the tiled floor. She could feel Jesse’s gaze on her.

She just walked herself into a corner. Great. Well, now she had to turn around and answer to the concerned eyes boring into her head. She sighed.

“Jesse, can I...ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“Uh...c-can I...um-”

She tried to get the words out, failed, and eventually groaned, running her free hand down her face. Why’d she have to start on this? This was a mistake.

"...Can you what?" Jesse pressed and Lake gave him a sidelong glance before dropping her hand and taking a deep breath .

"Can I, ah…um...can I…k-kiss you…?"

The last part was so quiet that Jesse almost didn't hear it. Almost .

Instantly he felt his ears burning with a blush, which got a disapproving look from Lake. She took her hand away from Jesse's and shoved both in her lap as she scowled at her feet.

"I-I shouldn't have said anything, just. Just forget it," she grumbled. "It was a stupid thing to ask."

"N-no! No, I'm sorry-" Jesse said, rubbing his burning cheeks. "I just wasn't... expecting something like that, is all. I mean--I wasn't expecting something like that from you . That's not to say it's a bad thing, coming from you! Uh-" 

He stopped rubbing at his cheeks, dropped his hands, and let out a long sigh to allow him some time to get his thoughts together.

"Yes."

Lake flinched up a little straighter and dared to look up at her friend. He had an amazingly stupid look of embarrassment on his face, one that was worse than her own.

"...Yes?"

He nodded.

"Are...are you sure?" she asked. "I know I, kind of came out of nowhere with that...I didn't mean to put you on the spot--"

"I'm sure," Jesse interrupted. Lake looked at him and saw one of the sweetest, most genuine smiles she'd ever seen on his face. That, of course, only made her blush worse (if that was even possible at this point).

“...O-Okay.”

She squeezed Jesse's hand and, after a few seconds of hyping herself up ( it was far too late to back out now , she told herself), started to move closer.

Jesse met her halfway, and the touch caused a squeak to escape her. God , this whole ordeal was so embarrassing. Absolutely horrible .

A few moments more and the two separated. Lake blinked a couple times and looked at Jesse, who seemed to be thinking.

"...You kind of taste like iron," he eventually concluded.

Lake let out a scoff and gave him a hard shove.

"What did you expect? I'm metal !" she said, crossing her arms in mock offense.

Jesse just laughed and leaned back on his hands.

"It was nice, though."

Lake snorted. "What, that's it? That's all I get? 'Oh, that was nice. But it could've been better’," she said in a mocking tone, followed by a smirk as she added, “Well, I didn’t have the benefit of practicing in a mirror.”

Jesse pouted at her teasing, which was replaced by a grin when Lake playfully punched his shoulder.

“Uh--okay, we should go to bed,” Lake said, running a hand through her hair. “I don’t wanna risk getting caught by your mom. She’d have a fit if she knew we were still up.”

Jesse stifled a laugh and said, “Good idea. I’m pretty tired anyway,” before standing up. He offered his hand to Lake and she gave him a look in return, which caused him to retract his hand.

“Right, right. You’re heavy,” he said as Lake got up.

“Too heavy for someone that’s apparently half asleep ,” she corrected, stretching her arms above her head.

Jesse went and turned the light off in the living room, while Lake leaned on the wall beside his bedroom door with her phone’s flashlight illuminating the hallway.

“You know you don’t have to wait for me,” Jesse whispered as he came up and opened his door. He reached around the frame and flipped the light switch before turning back to Lake, who’d pocketed her phone.

“I just wanted to say ‘good night’,” she said, then paused. Another second and she pulled Jesse into a hug, the suddenness of which getting a grunt out of him.

“W-what’s this for?” he asked as he freed one of his arms.

“I don’t want you seeing the stupid look on my face,” Lake stated plainly, her voice muffled by his shirt. “Give me a minute.”

Jesse grinned and did as he was told, tapping his index finger on his friend’s back.

“Can I tell you something?” he said and Lake made a sound of acknowledgment. “I... probably would’ve asked if you didn’t.”

Lake groaned and hit her fist between Jesse’s shoulder blades. He assumed that meant “not helping”.

After a few more seconds he felt Lake start to rock back and forth a little before finally pushing off of him.

“Okay, I’m good. Don’t--mention this to Nate or your parents.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Yeah, you better not,” Lake said before turning around. “Okay, see ya’ in the morning.”

“Good night!” Jesse yell-whispered, which got a half-wave from Lake as she entered her room.

She closed the door behind her and leaned against the painted wood. “You’re an idiot,” she grumbled to herself, but at the same time, she couldn’t help but smile.

Okay, maybe the movie was worth staying awake for after all.

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

KISS v. Phantom

PART EIGHTEEN OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: major discussion of parent death, general angst but some fluff, plentiful pop culture references

Word Count: 4.9K

Summary: College decisions are released, and Ella gets another chance to practice her spontaneity. 

Awakening on the Gilmore couch, Ella squeezed her eyes tightly shut against the morning light. Of course Dean had chosen to break up with Rory the first day of spring break, upon hearing about her acceptance to Harvard, Yale, and Princeton. After her shift, Ella had rushed over and been a shoulder for Rory to cry on, along with Lane. Buckets of cookie dough ice cream sat empty on the coffee table, tissues strewn around, and Ella’s makeup had been smeared around her face in her sleep. She was alone. At some point, Rory had gone to bed, she supposed, and Lorelai would be upstairs. Glancing down at her watch, she swore under her breath. It was half past eight; she was meant to be at the diner thirty minutes earlier.

Slapping lightly at her own cheeks, she spread her eyes wide. Taking in a deep breath, she hoisted herself up off the couch and tugged on her shoes, then grabbed her bag by the door. She almost forgot to say goodbye, her hand on the doorknob, before she ran back through the kitchen and into Rory’s bedroom. Rory’s back was to the door, asleep on her side. Ella placed a hand on her shoulder and shook slightly.

“Hey, Ror? I gotta go to work. See you later when you get your coffee, alright?” Ella whispered, watching Rory stir.

Rory grunted some sort of sleepy response.

Smirking, Ella ran back out the door and left the house. The late March morning was dewy and almost too fresh as she raced across town. Her boots were nearly slipping off her feet, her hair flying loose behind her. As she passed the gazebo, she ran nearly straight into Kirk, who had recently taken over as mailman. The most inconvenient time of the century, he’d ended up mixing up several peoples’ college acceptance (or rejection) letters. Though she knew she was late for work, she couldn’t help the slightly sick excitement in her stomach.

“Kirk!” she shouted as he tried to pass her. “Could you give me my mail, please?”

He faced her with a stony expression. “How many times do we have to go over this, Ella? I’m not permitted to give you your mail unless we’re standing on the address property.”

Crossing her arms, she looked down at her shoes and shook her head. Breathing out a frustrated sigh, she put a polite smile on her face. “Kirk, please. Just this once. Please do me this favor.”

Kirk blinked at her, unrelenting.

“Four rhubarb pies,” she wagered, narrowing her eyes at him.

He was silent for a moment, looking like one of the Village People in his mailman getup. She wondered how many of his clothes were regular and how many were various uniforms. “Six pies. By next weekend.”

“Deal,” she smiled, putting a hand out for him to shake.

He shook back, then shuffled through the many envelopes in his huge satchel. Fighting the urge to tap her foot, she watched him for what felt like an eternity. A throb was just beginning to form behind her eyes when he finally pulled out an envelope. A grin came to her face as she saw the return address.

“Thank you!” she chirped, immediately off again in the direction of the diner.

“Six rhubarb pies by next Saturday!” Kirk yelled after her, then went on ambling through town.

She felt a bit like Charlie with his golden ticket, despite having no idea what the content of the envelope would entail. It was the difference between a two-year degree and a four-year degree, community college and a public university. She didn’t really care much either way, but Southern Connecticut State was her top choice. Realistically, she wasn’t excited for the results, she was only excited for the suspense to end. Her dimples shone on her freckled cheeks as she made it through the front door of the diner, the bell above jingling happily. The diner was relatively packed, and she was reminded again how late she was. Luke’s face was stony and gruff, and Jess smirked over at her.

“Rough morning, Stevens?” he asked, taking in her smudged mascara and wild hair.

Ella rolled her eyes playfully and came around the counter after hanging her belongings, the envelope in one fist. But she had trouble getting out all the information between breathless panting. “I got the letter!”

“Southern Connecticut State?” Jess asked, eyebrows raising and smile turning genuine.

Swallowing dryly, she nodded, holding it up for him to see.

“You didn’t open it yet?” he asked in surprise.

“Been a busy morning, jackass,” she said, shaking her head at herself. As she prepared to rip it open, Luke came over from the register and cut the moment short.

“What time were you supposed to be here, Ella? The same time for the last three years? Is it eight-thirty?” he said, voice laced with anger and sarcasm. “Oh, right, it’s eight o’clock. Every single Saturday for the past three years!”

Face falling, Ella nodded along. “Luke, I’m sorry. I had to chase Kirk down for my Southern Connecticut State letter. And I spent all night with Rory. Dean broke up with her after she got into Harvard and-”

“What?” Luke interrupted. “The bag boy broke up with her?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“Yesterday, but-”

Before she could even finish the sentence, Luke was calling back an order to Caesar for chocolate chip pancakes, breathing huffy and frustrated. He rambled on about how much he hated Dean, how he would never be allowed back in the diner, and other such dramatic threats. Watching with brows furrowed, Jess and Ella eventually locked eyes again.

“Should I wait for him to calm down?” she asked Jess, looking back down at the envelope.

Jess shook his head. “Could take years. I’d go for it if I were you.”

“I don’t think you could handle being me.”

“You opening it or not?”

Nodding slowly, she took in a deep breath and ripped it open. She took out the crisp sheet of white paper, text in dark ink and signed at the bottom, her heart in her throat.

Ella began reading aloud, Jess standing across from her expectantly. The other patrons in the diner were more or less completely enraptured by Luke’s tantrum.

“Dear Miss Stevens, I am pleased to congratulate you on your acceptance-”

“You did it! You’re in!” Jess cut her off, gesturing excitedly as he spoke. It was odd to see him so earnest in his emotion, especially standing behind the counter at the diner.

A slow smile spread on her lips, as she stared almost blankly at the words before her. “Yeah. Yeah, I did.”

Eventually, she folded the letter back up and looked up at him. He had to stop himself from tilting his head at the expression on her face, almost false in its happiness. The smile didn’t reach her hazel eyes.

“Congrats, Stevens,” he said, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

She didn’t even blush like she normally would, instead only wrapping her arms around his neck. After holding him in a tight embrace for a moment, she cleared her throat and pulled away, an artificial smile still present.

“Thanks,” she said, putting all the contents back into the envelope and sighing softly, all at once acutely aware of the environment around her. “I guess I should get to work.”

“Yeah, sure,” he muttered, confusion painting his face. Before she went to put the letter back in her bag, he brought a gentle hand to her arm. “Are you okay?”

“I always am.”

.   .   .

A long day of comforting Rory, serving coffee, and dealing with the flurry of townie activity brought Ella to the bridge. She held a copy of Little Women in her lap, the book she’d read probably hundreds of times before. Eyes roaming over the words, she could practically hear her mother’s voice. Soft and sweet, and always passive. Her voice always made Ella feel so simply safe. She could smell the Pond’s Cold Cream her mother had once worn. Crickets sang around her, spring finally having sprung. The air was cool but humid, charged with the possibility of rain.

Sat trying to read, she couldn’t help the tears that spotted the pages. She’d tried going home after her shift, but felt too antsy inside her own tiny room. Knowing she’d be bound to live there for at least a couple more years. And she took the book from the top drawer of her dresser, telling Fiona nothing more than that she was going out, and she wouldn’t be back for dinner. The moon had risen between the clouds. A pit of dread had been sitting in her stomach almost all day, since she’d opened the letter. For just a moment, she had been happy, relieved to have gotten into her top choice, but then the reality hit. It was real. College. Living at home. She wiped at her cheeks, sniffling. So much work, and she still felt so far away from anything resembling her goals. No matter how hard she tried to concentrate, the tears blurred her vision. Blowing out a shaky breath, she turned the page.

“Hey, Daria,” she heard to her left. Startling, she snapped the book shut and blinked quickly. With the back of her hand, she wiped away the tears which had spilled over once again.

“James Dean,” she sighed, not having to look over to recognize him. “Sneaking up on people, again, huh?”

Shrugging off the bite in her voice, he came to sit down next to her, close enough for their shoulders to brush against each other. Luckily, she didn’t flinch away from his touch as he’d been half-expecting her to. Clearing her throat, she swallowed down her flush and hoped he couldn’t see the shine in her hazel eyes.

“Thought I’d find you here,” he drawled, looking over the lake. “You seemed quiet today. And you rushed out right after your shift. Are you feeling okay?”

Uttering a bitter scoff, Ella let a smirk cross her face. “Yeah. I’m great. I’m going to Southern Connecticut State, after all.”

“Yes. You are,” he said flatly, wondering what could be bothering her. “And?”

“I don’t wanna talk, Jess,” she snapped, shaking her head at herself. More tears welled up in her eyes, and she looked away from him, tossing her book to the side in slight anger.

“Okay,” he nodded. And he sat beside her, saying nothing, listening to the sounds of nighttime and watching the lake.

Then, after a long silence, Ella glanced over at the book, back at the water: “My mom used to read Little Women to me. Before bed. And then I read it over and over. Even before she died, I was just always...I was always reading it. I don’t know why.”

Jess wasn’t lost on the shakiness in her voice. “Huh.”

“Yeah. And she…” she paused to sigh, shaking her head again. She stared down at her lap, wringing her hands together anxiously. “She lived here her whole life. She was a great mom and everything but...she would just lie down and take it. Anything. Life would come at her and s-she was...sweet and kind...but she just never…”

“Bit back?” Jess ventured quietly, watching at the way her face contorted in the moonlight. He could see her fighting back the sobs, silent tears falling down her face in streaks.

Ella nodded sadly. “Exactly. I love her so much. But I don’t wanna be her. I don’t wanna be stuck here my whole life.”

“You won’t be, Eleanor,” he said, starting to understand, trying to catch her gaze. She simply refused to make eye contact with him.

She gave a humorless chuckle. “That’s what Lorelai said. But no one really knows anything, do they? I think they’re just lucky. Lorelai and Rory. And I’m not Rory. I’ll never be Rory.”

“What do you mean?” he chimed in, running a hand up and down her back, remembering how her touch had felt the night he cut his hand.

“They think things can work out,” she continued. “I mean...fuck. Rory got into Harvard and Princeton and Yale. And her grandparents are basically a bottomless pit of money. She could have anything she wants. And instead she spends the whole day crying over her dumbass boyfriend. And everyone just drops everything to make her feel better.”

Brows knitted together, he nodded slightly. Jess thought back to the morning, Luke’s tirade about Dean while Ella held her future between her fingers.

She spoke through gritted teeth as angry tears kept rolling down her face. “And I hate being jealous of her. I mean...she’s one of my best friends. And I don’t mean she doesn’t have problems. I don’t want a pity party. Of course she has problems! I mean...her dad wasn't in her life for so long. But...he came back, y’know? He came back for her. And everyone in this town loves her. Sometimes, it’s like she lives in a different world. Where everything gets fixed with coffee and sugar and her grandparents’ money.”

Speaking with her hands, she tilted her head and looked up at the sky. Maybe in an effort to dry her eyes against the breeze. She cleared her throat, hoping her voice wouldn’t sound so wobbly. Embarrassment burned in her stomach, but she couldn’t help as the words poured straight from her mind to her mouth.

“And she gets to go wherever she wants. She gets everything she wants. And she gets Lorelai. She gets a mom who she’s best friends with, who would never leave her. And my mom…”

“She didn’t wanna leave you,” Jess said firmly.

Heaving a big sigh, she swallowed thickly. “She didn’t want to. But she did. She was...um...born with this heart thing? And one night it just...got her. I went to bed one night with a mom and I woke up without one. Just like that.”

“Jesus,” he muttered. Though his family wasn’t exactly a greeting card situation, he couldn’t imagine losing his whole world forever, literally overnight.

“Yeah,” she sighed, voice exhausted. “And I didn’t cry at the funeral, but sometimes alone...I’ll get upset about it and I’ll think: ‘Okay, this is the last time. Just be sad about it one more time and your heart won’t be broken anymore. This is the last time.’ But it never is. It always comes back. I think I’ll always...have a piece missing, I guess. And today...it just came back. Because everyone was there for Rory about Harvard and Yale and Dean. Lorelai stayed up almost all night with us last night. And I haven’t talked to my mom since I was fourteen. I’ll never talk to her again.

“And now...my dad can’t even look at me. Not exactly like he was such an involved father before. But every time he looks at me, all he can see is her. I just...I just look so much like her. It’s not like I could blame him. I wouldn’t wanna have a doppelganger of my dead wife living in my house either.”

“Well, you didn’t ask for a Freaky Friday situation,” he said.

It earned him a small giggle, and he flashed her a tiny smile.

“It’s not your fault, Eleanor.”

“I know,” she nodded, then took in a big breath. “Fuck. And here I said I didn’t wanna talk. I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to tell you all that. And I know everyone has problems. I’m not special or anything. Lots of people have dead parents. But..no one talks about it. Not in Stars Hollow. Everything just needs to be happy here, but everything reminds me of her. No one...no one ever talks about her. I’m sorry, Jess, I don’t mean to-”

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry over,” he told her, shaking his head.

She chuckled weakly, wiping at her nose. “And I hate crying.”

“I know.”

“Especially in front of people.”

“I know,” he repeated softly, finally locking eyes with her. His mouth was set in a thin line. All the things he wanted to say were stuck in his throat. Instead, he only listened. She needed to talk about it. She needed someone who wouldn’t brush it off, who wouldn’t get uncomfortable. Who would just hear her.

“But I just can’t stop crying,” she admitted, her voice breaking.

She put her hands over her face in shame and guilt, weeping quietly. Each time she got upset about her mother, she reminded herself of how much worse it could be. From what little she knew, she could gather Jess had never even met his father. She couldn’t blame Jess if he just walked away, or yelled at her for taking what she had for granted. At least she had two parents for as long as she did. It was a vicious cycle in her head, making her dizzy.

Jess felt his heart do a twist as she crumpled, and acted only on instinct. He enveloped her in his arms and her head went to his shoulder, wetting his jacket. Rubbing circles over her back, Jess held her against the chilly wind.

“You wanna push me in the lake?” he asked, breaking the silence. “It’s cathartic, I hear. Might make you feel better.”

Ella uttered a watery laugh. “No, but thank you for the offer.”

.   .   .

Blondie blasted through her speakers, and she huffed at herself as she tried to finish her makeup. She was having trouble making her eyeliner work, eventually deciding to just smudge it out, falling back on grunge as she usually did. Getting up to grab her boots, she gasped audibly when she heard a knock on the window. Rationally, she knew it was Jess. Who else regularly climbed through her window? But, still, in the back of her mind, she worried about hypothetical murderers. Occasional viewings of Dateline did nothing to subdue her mistrust of the world at large. Taking a boot in her hand by the laces, she walked over, ready to fend off a potential assailant. Her shoulders relaxed when she pushed the curtains back and Jess stood out in the gloomy morning with a smug smirk.

The window screeched as she opened it, and she leaned out with a grin. “Did Luke send you to avoid a do-over of yesterday? Because, by my clock, I’m not late for another forty-five minutes.”

Jess shook his head. “Good guess, but no. Are you, by any chance, still practicing your spontaneity?”

She furrowed her brows. “Occasionally. But, today, diner duty calls.”

“Actually, I got us both the day off.”

“What?” she asked, chuckling through her words. “Fuck off.”

“So eloquent, Daria. But I’m serious. We’re on spring break, so I switched with Guillermo for Tuesday.”

“Right, but hate to break it to you, I’m the other half of this duo. And I’m Luke’s favorite waitress, as we know. It’s my natural charm, of course,” she quipped, forearms resting on the window sill.

“Told him you had a migraine last night. He figured you’d need rest,” Jess explained, shrugging.

Ella shook her head in disbelief, smile turning to a smirk. “Migraine being code for major meltdown?”

“Semantics.”

She scoffed. “Really? We’re both off?”

“Really,” he said, shaking his head at her suspicion. “Free as birds. You need some notarized documentation?”

Snickering, she shook her head and glanced over her shoulder. “Well, did you have any particular plans in mind? Or was this just spontaneity for the sake of it?”

“Well, last time you were in New York, you didn’t get the full experience. Thought maybe we could go to the Met, Miss O’Keefe?” Jess shifted his weight on his feet, a familiar uncertainty welling in his stomach. “I brought my car. We’ll be back before anyone will suspect where we went.”

Ella shook her head again in pleasant shock, giggling slightly. “If you can promise me no felony charges?”

“Misdemeanor at most,” he said, chuckling.

“Alright,” she said, stepping into her boots. “Let me just grab my jacket. You’re the fucking best, Mariano.”

.   .   .

“Yikes.”

Jess raised an eyebrow and looked over at her as she shuffled through the center console of his car, searching for a CD. She’d been exploring the selection. They didn’t often need a car, and when they did, Ella was always driving. She just preferred to be behind the wheel, and also, more importantly, his car was pretty much a death trap. But he’d insisted on driving to New York, paying for the gas himself. Face falling, he saw the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack in her hands. As a native New Yorker, he’d had Broadway shoved in his face his whole life. It wasn’t his fault if some of it stuck. He kept it in the car with various other road trip music, away from his uncle’s wandering eyes. He’d forgotten it was in there, along with a couple other soundtracks, from both movies and musicals.

A flush crept up the back of his neck. “Oh, that’s my mom’s.”

“Bullshit,” she laughed, immediately going to pop it in the CD player. She shook her head slightly as the first piano chords came through the speakers. “You like musicals, huh?”

“No. Jumping to conclusions much, Nancy Drew?”

“C’mon, Jess, I know a swan beaked you in the eye, I know you work at Walmart, it’s cool if you’re a theater geek,” she said, shrugging with a wide smile. “I mean, I like Phantom of the Opera too. It’s got a ghost, sort of. That’s all I can ask for.”

Sighing heavily, Jess bit his bottom lip. “My mom had a bunch of soundtracks in her car when I was younger. Hers were eight-tracks, but whoever had this car before me put in a CD player. I just...carried on the tradition.”

“Whatever, tough guy,” she teased. “Is there a home video of little Jess singing along out there somewhere?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Methinks the man doth protest too much.”

He rolled his eyes. “KISS t-shirt. Need I say more?”

“Touché,” she said, eyes lingering on him playfully for just a moment longer as the music started up.

Fighting off the urge to sing along, she watched Jess’s eyes, trained on the road. They’d been driving around an hour, good natured arguments over movies and music, through the misty morning air. The highway was largely empty, Sunday morning drivers at church or sleeping in. Ella almost couldn’t believe she was bound for a place dedicated to master works of art. She was about to see Van Gogh with her own eyes. The thought alone was enough to make her heart skip happily.

“Jess?”

“Hm?”

She shifted a little in her seat and her fingers went to clutch at her necklace. “Thanks for listening last night. I’m sorry I was such a freak about everything.”

Jess sighed through his nose. “No reason to be sorry. I get it.”

“You don’t need to be nice about it,” she continued, pursing her lips.

“What are you talking about? I’m always an angel,” he scoffed, a wicked sparkle in his brown eyes. When she looked unamused, he shook his head a little. “Eleanor, it’s fine. There is nothing for you to be sorry over.”

“And you don’t pity your sad sack girlfriend?”

He scoffed. “My girlfriend’s a badass artist. She doesn’t need my pity.”

“Very true,” she nodded, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “Seriously Jess, thank you. I can’t believe you’re taking me to the Met.”

He shrugged, nonchalant. “I don’t do things I don’t wanna do.”

.   .   .

Standing before Van Gogh’s “Flowering Orchard,” Ella felt a foreign lightness spread throughout her being. She had so many favorites, many of which she’d seen in the last few hours. Monet, O’Keefe, Picasso. But there was something about Van Gogh which always stuck out to her, a perspective so different from her own. She who saw everything with a hidden darkness, an ulterior motive. So rarely did she work in lively color. Ella couldn’t even fathom seeing such a vibrance in what was so often a gloomy world. It took her breath away to see the piece in person, the canvas Van Gogh himself had touched. She could feel her heart reaching out to the painting, a connection to the past. It was what she loved most about art, writing, music. Impersonal love letters sent out to the public, from creator to creation to audience.

Ella didn’t even startle as Jess’s arms laced around her waist, and she leaned back against him. “Hey, James Dean.”

He smirked. “Hey Daria, hate to break it to you, but we should go if we wanna be back before they call the FBI on us crazy kids.”

Clicking her tongue in disappointment, she looked down at the watch on his wrist and nodded. “One more minute.”

“If you insist.”

She chuckled. “Can you imagine seeing the world this way?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, voice in hushed tones with other viewers milling about near them. But, with his arms around her, Ella so calm and in her element, it felt like a private world. Where parents didn’t break promises and eyes didn’t pass premature judgement.

“Just…” she began, pausing to gather her thoughts, “he could see things with so much color and life and...I could never look at things this way. Maybe I’d be a better artist if I wasn’t such a cynic.”

“Oh, I think cynicism is a benefit in all areas of life,” he said.

“You sure about that, Nietzche?”

“Way I see it, there’s cynicism or there’s cutting off your own ear.”

She scoffed. “No middle ground?”

Jess shook his head. “No one becomes an artist unless they have to.”

“Deep, but not yours. That’s from White Oleander, thief,” she said, a smug smirk on her face.

“The point still stands, no matter the origin.”

“I know, but...it must have been so intense for him to live that way. To...I don’t know. I wonder if the torture is worth it to be such a genius,” she thought aloud, a wistful glaze in her eyes.

Biting his lip, Jess’s smirk grew. Despite how much Ella told him the only reason for her perfect grades was her insane work ethic and stellar organizational skills, he knew it wasn’t true. She was smart in ways she didn’t ever acknowledge, thought about things in ways which would never even occur to him. Of course he could see the beauty in all the art they’d encountered, and in the painting in front of him, but she could feel it, the way he felt the words in his books. And she could look at poetry and music as a linguistic collage, art in itself. It never surprised him how fond she was of modernism. Her mind was something he could never quite grasp, a complexity he could only admire. She would always be smarter. His heart felt so full, watching her watch the painting, he almost felt silly. Each day he got more sure. It was love he felt for her.

.   .   .

Reddish brake lights glowed against the dark highway. Ella could still taste the salt on her lips from the street food they’d had for both lunch and dinner. The windows of the rusty, screeching car were cracked slightly open, letting in the fresh, chilly spring air. Her blonde waves blew back from her face as the CD ran out. Without a word, she ejected the disk, put it back in its case, and started shuffling through the other albums.

“Jesus, Mariano, how have you never told me you like Rocky Horror?”

He sighed but didn’t have time to retort before she pointed a finger at him.

“We are going to a screening at some point. And I, of course, will be dressing up,” she said with a smile, not even looking over at him as she found a new CD. Looking over, he saw a flash of red and black on the case as she opened it up. He couldn’t hide his tiny grin as he turned back to the road.

“As long as I don’t have to,” he shrugged, heart fluttering in his chest with pleasant excitement as she put the disk in.

Ella reached her arm over and placed a gentle hand on the back of his neck, leaning deeper into her seat. Shivers went down Jess’s spine at her touch, and the opening chords of “Untitled” by Interpol. Neither of them said a word, but the soft smile never left Ella’s face. She remembered his hands on her waist the first time they kissed, the warm tingling in the pit of her stomach. Notes in books and drunken evenings, stitches and pianos, paintings and shoulders to cry on. Ella glanced over at him, could see the lights of the nighttime reflected in his brown eyes, and felt as she never thought she would. So strangely whole.

“Jess?”

“Yeah, honey?”

The words almost left her lips, she could taste them on her tongue, but she bit them back as her heart began racing. Instead, she breathed in, fresh air and the smell of pine.

“Do you wish your angel of music would hide no longer?” she teased.

He rolled his eyes and his voice held no emotion as he spoke. “I don’t know, Stevens, do you wanna rock and roll all night? And party every day?”

[bya-lawrence]

The Lake

We took our last steps through the trees, the once dense woods opening up to the blinding afternoon sun. June’s arm raised to block the light from her eyes, squinting through the rays her eyes finally adjusted to see an impossibly large clearing littered with wildflowers and stones, perfectly lining the deep blue water of the lake. She almost gasped as she looked further, the snowy peaks of the mountain ridge just beyond the water catching her eye. Pointing to the sky like a queens crown and looming over the pair of women like a skyscraper.

“It’s freaking gorgeous” she said breathily, pausing halfway atop a small boulder.

Jesse flashed a satisfying smile her way “Isn’t it?”

June felt the excitement bubble up inside of her, she imagined taking a running start to the water and stripping her clothes off as she went before taking a graceful dive into the water. She could almost feel the cold water tickle her skin. A giggle escaped her lips and she skipped forward off her perch on the rock, eager to get closer.

“Come on, let’s find a good spot for the blanket”

The two women approached the lake, scanning the area for the perfect patch of grass to lay out their picnic. June spotted a perfect place, unfolding the white blanket she had tucked under her arm and flapping it in the wind before slowly lowering it to the ground.

“This is perfect” Jesse said as she placed her backpack on the blanket, kicking off her flip flops and falling to the blanket with a huffing breath. “One of these days I’ll be able to make that hike without getting winded”

June chuckled at her friend, collapsing beside her. “Well it is definitely worth it.”

The pair sat for a moment in silence, enjoying the rustling of the wind and chirping of birds nearby. A few field mice scurried not far from them, the pattering of their feet sounding heavier than it should amongst the loose pebbles of the shore. June felt the weight of the world release off her shoulders, relieved she accepted Jesse’s invite for the hike and grateful for her new friend for the much needed peace. She hadn’t known Jesse longer than a few weeks. Up until a few days ago they had barely spoken except for during their brief lunch breaks at the real estate agency. June was the agency’s newest receptionist and Jesse trained directly under their boss, Mrs. Feldman, hoping to one day be the best realtor in Montana state, or at least their small town of Big Sky. All it took was for June to mention wanting to explore her new home, just once and Jesse extended the invitation to somewhere she called “her little slice of heaven”.

June glanced at Jesse, her eyes closed, face towards the sun, soaking in all the warmth it had to offer. She always noticed how beautiful Jesse was, but here in the bright light she could really appreciate how deep that beauty was. Jesse’s brown hair brushed just passed her shoulders, shimmering in the sun as a breeze fluttered by. Her profile looked as if it were painted against the backdrop, long dark eyelashes gently shifting across naturally rosy cheeks, plump pink lips pressed into an involuntary smile. Her slim shoulders rolled back, exposing every inch of her chest to the sky and June watched a small bead of sweat roll from the nape of her head, slowly down her long neck, before settling into the catch of her collar bone. The ugly fluorescent lights in their break room did no justice in comparison to the burning sunshine. She briefly wondered if she looked just as beautiful sitting here and almost as if Jesse read her mind, she opened her eyes and reached up, brushing the hair behind June’s ear.

Catching a few strands between her fingers, Jesse smiled “I love the way your hair looks in the sun. I never noticed how red it really is” She flicked June’s hair around for a moment “Ugh! I’m so jealous!” She exclaimed before letting go reaching down her to bag, pulling out a bottle of water and taking a long swig.

“Oh please” June chuckled, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. “I wish I could pull off your hair, if I cut this mess into a bob like that I’d look like Willy Wonka”

Jesse let out a burst of laughter, sputtering water before catching it against her chin. June shrieked with a giggle “Hey! Watch it!” Flinging the splatter of water off her arm.

The laughter slowly died down to small chuckles before Jesse suddenly popped up and reached her hand down to June. “Let’s go swimming”

“Hell yeah” June responded, grabbing her hand and hoisting herself up.

Jesse lifted off her tank top, then worked the buttons off her shorts and dropped them onto the blanket. June almost stopped to ask if they needed bathing suits but realized it was already too late, no one was walking back to the car, not like Jesse told her to bring one anyway. June striped off her top, surprisingly not caring that she was about to be completely naked in the middle of nowhere. Maybe it was the fact that they *were* in the middle of nowhere and the chances of someone seeing them were slim to none, or even though they hadn’t known each other long, it could be because how comfortable she was around Jesse. Like they had known each other for years and years. June popped off her bra, tossing it in the pile of clothes, then shimmied out of her underwear, her skin raising with goosebumps as the heat touched parts of her body that hadn’t been touched in a long time.

“No way, those are awesome. I didn’t know you had tattoos” Jesse wasn’t shy to stare at June’s naked body, noticing the lacing of ink down the back of her shoulder blade, the colors vibrant in the sun. June glanced over her shoulder, almost to remember what tattoo she was talking about.

“Oh yea” June chuckled, fingering at the black outlined flowers “Thanks. I got them years ago, i have more too” Without thinking twice she spun around as Jesse took in the few pieces of art scattered across June’s skin. She stepped closer, brushing her thumb at the small mountain range scribbled on her hip. June let her follow the lines with the tips of her fingers as they trailed toward the front of her hip bone, she smiled down at Jesse and giggled. “You get any closer you’re gonna have to buy me some dinner” She joked.

Jesse laughed in return “I’ll buy you dinner, dessert and breakfast” And gave June a quick wink before quickly tapping her on the ass and sprinting away towards the water.

June let out a happy shriek and chased after Jesse, not pausing for a second before making a swift dive into the water after her friend. The chill of the water enveloped around June, rushing through her hair, past her bare breast and through every curve of her body and she kicked forward, propelling herself deeper and further in the lake. She went as far as she could before the water began pushing against her, she breached the surface of the water, head held high, her arms pressed against her side, bouncing out of the water higher than she expected, her breast smacked at the water as she sank back down and the two women laughed at the sound.

“Damn, mine don’t sound like that when they hit the water!” Jesse exclaimed, bouncing up and down trying to get her chest above the water to attempt a boob-water smack. June laughed at her friends attempts, shrugging her wet shoulders Jesse’s way;

“It’s just a gift I guess” she joked. Floating to her back, her bellybutton pressed towards the sky. She waved her arms around her head like she were making a snowman, slowly drifting though the water, staring up at the sky, completely in peace for the first time in a long time. Jesse swam in circles around her, every once in a while going under the surface of the water and pooping up moments later on the other side. As she went to pass under June again, June reached down a grabbed her foot, dragging her backwards in the water laughing. Jesse fought to the surface and splashed a handful of water at June as she came towards. They played like that for a while, swimming around throwing water at each other, non stop giggling as if they were two kids at the pool on a summer day. Eventually they tired out and June resumed to her floating position, her breast bobbing up at the surface as her hair hung in a halo around her head. Jesse caught her floating by, looping her arms under her and gently dragging her through the water. June felt like she was in a water raft, being propelled through the water and she relaxed easily into Jesse’s arms. Letting her guide her through the water as she pleased.

The burning sun pricked at June’s cheeks, she knew they were beginning to glow red and she almost brought herself to worry about not putting on sunscreen but quickly decided she didn’t care enough to move from her comfortable position in Jesse’s arms. Suddenly she felt a pair of warm soft lips press against her burning cheek and she opened one eye to look up at Jesse with a small smile. Jesse stared down at her, matching her gaze.

“What was that for?” June asked, making sure to not sound offended. She didn’t mind Jesse kissing her cheek, she even thought for a moment about telling her she missed her lips. But decided against it in case it was meant as an innocent type friendship kiss.

“I’m not sure” Jesse shrugged “I was watching you and just got the urge to give you a kiss”

“Mm,” June sighed happily, settling back into the water with her eyes closed “So, this is how to seduce all your coworkers? Bring them here, get them naked and relax them into submission?”

Jesse belt out a loud laugh “Ha! Who says I’m trying to *seduce* you” she exclaimed nonchalantly.

“Mmhmm,” June pressed out mockingly “I see all your little tricks” and she opened her eyes for a moment to look up at Jesse, playfully poking at her nose. Jesse quickly fixed her grasp on June, hoisting her up from behind and wrapping her arms around her waste. Her chest pressed against June’s back, her warm breath a June’s neck. June didn’t resist, she melted into Jesses touch, allowing every inch of her skin to mold into her body. She felt a rush of excitement flood over her again, anxious excitement this time and her heart kicked up a beat. She tried not to make it too obvious that she couldn’t breath steadily, and drew in a deep breath before wrapping her arms around Jesse’s arms on the stomach, tightening her grip.

Jesse’s lips brushed against the side of June’s neck, sending goosebumps down her chest. She gently laid kisses up and down the stretch of wet skin. June suddenly realized how much she wanted Jesse to kiss her again, not in her cheek this time, but everywhere. She wanted to taste her pink lips and her fingers grasped firmly imagining tangling them in Jesses hair.

“What happened to taking me to dinner first?” She breathed out playfully, her voice dropping an octive in an attempt to sound seductive.

“You can have whatever you want” Jesse whispered softly into her ear.

June confidently whipped around in the water, sending a splash erupting between the women’s bodies. She entwined her fingers in Jesses damp hair exactly as she had envisioned a moment ago, and without missing a beat she pulled those soft pink lips to her own.

Jesse’s tongue slipped between June’s teeth, and June happily accepted the deep kiss. Their tongues flicked wildly around each other as if in sync, twisting their heads side to side like they had choreographed this exact moment and practiced a million times. They pulled on each other tightly, trying to feel every inch all at once and June instinctively reached down, gripping her fingers around Jesses ass cheek. She groped at her body, wanting more and Jesse let out a deep satisfying moan into June’s mouth, letting her know to keep going. June reached lower, clutching the back of Jesse’s thighs and swiftly hitched her legs up around her waist. Jesse’s legs clasped tightly behind June and she felt the soft wet curls between her thighs brush against her abdomen. Jesse began thrusting her hips into June, swirling and grinding, more low moans slipped through Jesse’s teeth, they were echoed back with extreme pleasure. June gripped onto Jesse’s ass, moving her deeper into the motion, her fingers slowly clawing to be inside of her. Without taking her lips away, June drifted Jesse towards the edge of the water, her knees bent beneath them as the water lowered until Jesse’s back pressed firmly against the slippery pebbles. As June pushed deeper onto Jesse’s body, small waves lapped up at her backside, the new sensation got June even more excited and she couldn’t hold back the loud pleasurable moan anymore. Their kids finally broke, Her head lifting towards the sky and Jesse traded out her lips for her neck. This time pressing her teeth into June’s neck, giving June another reason to moan again.

“Oh, Jesse” The name escaped out of her body as she sucked in a deep breath.

Jesse’s eyes lit with excitement and she swiftly rolled June to her back with a splash that bothered neither of them. June felt the sharp pebbles poke into her back and yet they didn’t hurt, it was as if it the pain had been replaced with nothing but pure pleasure. Their bodies furiously rubbed together as Jesse scattered wet kisses down June’s chest. Stopping at her breast, slowly taking June’s nipple into her mouth and laping at the hard point between her teeth. June pressed the back of her head against her as Jesse sucked harder, not stopping her flicking tongue. June felt Jesse’s hands slide from her hips, across her stomach and pausing where the soft short hairs parted between her thighs. Jesse lifted her head to pear a June, who was wriggling with anticipation beneath her, trying to thrust her hips upwards, her body begging for more. Their eyes caught for a moment, everything suddenly so silent except for their heavy breathing and the pounding of their hearts between them. Jesse lips rose to a devilish smile, her hazel eyes intently glued to June’s. June almost let out a begging *PLEASE* but the word quickly caught in her throat as Jesse slid her first two fingers into June. Both of the women gasped and June’s hands clutched at Jesses back. Pulling her fingers deeper into her. Their lips pressed back together, once again furiously as if they could only breath off each other’s oxygen and Jesse wiggled her fingers inside of June, opening her up to accept more of her. She slipped a third finger between the hairs, June could feel how wet she was even through the water that was slowly drying between their bodies.

“Oh my-“ June moaned, eyes rolling to the back of her head, her breath hitching as Jesse pulled out and pushed the three fingers back into her, her thumb sliding up to gently rub her wet clit “Jesse, oh my god. Don’t stop”

Jesse cracked a smile at June, looking entirely pleased with the state she had her friend in. June slid her hand down Jesse’s chest, grasping her breast with one hand and hitching herself up on her other to get closer. She sucked Jesses nipple into her mouth, furiously flicking her tongue around the tight circle, then continued as her hand crept further down Jesses body. *I want more* she said to herself. She pushed her fingers through the wet curly hairs between Jesses lips, almost sitting up entirely now, and slipped her middle finger into Jesse. She was please to see Jesse raise her head in pleasure, going deeper into June in response. They caught each others eye once again and this time they didn’t look away. Their two pale bodies glistened in the sun and they circled their hips onto each other. June slipped two more fingers into Jesse and stared intently as the women struggled to keep her rhythm through her moans of pleasure. Their stares never waivered as they pleased each other. Their bodies fell in sync, both of them almost reaching the point of climax together. June gripped the hair at the nape of Jesses neck.

“Say my name” she demanded out of breath.

“June!” Jesse eagerly moaned out.

June felt the tingling inside of her rising even more intensely, *MORE* she screamed internally. The pleasure of release was just out of reach and she could tell Jesse was almost there too.

“Jesse don’t stop” she moaned out. Hastening her pounding fingers inside of her friends body.

“Oh June, I won’t!” Jesse couldn’t control the volume of her voice anymore. Every breath was a high pitched moan of pleasure now. “Yes, oh please, yes!” She yelled

“Jesse!” June called, the tingling now becoming a full blown explosion inside of her. She felt Jesse tighten around her fingers, ready to release too. “Yes, yes!”

The women’s erupting moans echoed through the clearing, bouncing off the trees and back to them. June felt herself orgasm onto Jesses fingers, just at the same time as she felt Jesse cum onto her. The sticky wetness fighting for escape past her fingers and June pushed inside again as they both finished, wanting to make sure her friend is entirely satisfied. Neither of them wanting to stop but their alarmingly fast heartbeats needing a break. Jesse breathed heavily against June’s body, wiggling her fingers slightly more as she slowly pulled her hand out from between her legs. June reluctantly retracted her hand as well, gently rubbing Jesses clit as her fingers brushed by...

{...to be continued}

[netflixmomma516]

Her Secrets 13 Pt 1 | 13RW Series

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Part 12

This is Part 1 of 2 Parts of Chapter 13

"Are you packed girl?" Jess asks. "Yes, I'm ready," I tell her for the hundredth time since the start of the day. 

Jeff's hand finds mine under the table, my palms always tingle at the touch. Jess just gives me a smile, knowing Jeff and I are holding hands. I roll my eyes and half smile knowing why she's smiling at me. "Jeff, my dad wants to talk to you before we go," I tell Jeff in more of a whisper so Scott doesn't hear me. Jeff smiles at me with his gorgeous, pearly, white smile. "Of course." He says out loud. I look to Scott and he just looks at me with his big green eyes, his eyes have a sense of sadness in them. We really haven't talked since our kiss last Friday. A little small talk here and there during the first period, but that's it really. I just half smile at him; he does the same. My eyes divert from Scott's to Chloe's, she gives me a dirty look. I roll my eyes at that. "Hey, I'm going to the bathroom," I announce to the table. -- I walk out of the stall to see Chloe standing there looking at her reflection in the mirror. "YN, I tried to be your friend, I really did, but now you better stay away from Scott." She threatened. "Or what?" I cross my arms, squaring up to the 'most popular girl' in school. "I'll tell everyone your secret," she whispered. My heart instantly sank into my stomach. She walked out of the bathroom, leaving me standing there looking at my ghostly reflection. I turn sideways. My shirts are becoming a lot tighter on me. I huff and pull myself together and walk out, the bell rings, so I just walk back to class. "So Chloe left the table right after you announced that you were leaving. Weird right?" Jess asks. I have to play it off like she didn't just threaten to tell my biggest secret to the whole group and ruin my life even more than it is. "Yeah very," I respond. "You have no idea how excited I am for this week," Jess says with a smile. I smile back, "me too." In reality, I'm scared to death for this week. Especially since I know Chloe knows my biggest secret. -- "Hey YNN, Jeff's here." My dad yells up the stairs. I quickly pull my sweatshirt over my belly and make sure no one can notice how much weight I've gained. I went to the doctor on Wednesday, I've gained 7 pounds since I moved here, and I'm 16 weeks, which is almost 4 months. Finally out of the sickness stage, now on to hungry, hungry hippo stage. My shorts can barely button anymore. "Coming!" I yell from my bedroom. I smile, "remember bugs, I'm a normal teenager this week." I smile to my bump and rub it. "I love you." I grab my phone and stuff it in the back pocket of my jean shorts. -- "So Jeff, if anything happens you can call me," my dad hands Jeff back his phone. I smile at the two men in front of me. "Look at my dad being all protective of his little girl." I hug my dad. "I'll always be protective." My dad admits. "I'll be fine dad, I'm only an hour away." I smile up at my dad. "I know, go have fun guys, love you YNN." My dad ushers us out of the front door. Jeff has my suitcase in his hand. "Love you too dad." "Bye Jeff." My dad says to Jeff. I instantly smile up at Jeff. "Bye YDN." Jeff smiles and waves back to my dad. Jeff puts my suitcase in the bed of his truck and helps me up in it. "Thanks," I say as he shuts the passenger door. "Alright, Jess and Justin are at Justin's, so let's go get them and then we'll be off to the lake house," Jeff tells me the plan. "Sounds good." I put my hand into Jeff's. Just this little gesture, makes me feel so safe like no one is going to find out my secret this week. -- An hour and a half later, we finally reach the lake house. It's the lake house, that he pointed out to me a month and a half prior. The rest of the group followed us from Justin's house. "So sleeping arrangements?" Justin asks as he puts his arm around Jess. "I was thinking since there are 4 bedrooms, Me, YNN, and Justin in one room..." I instantly cut her off, "um, not trying to be mean but I don't really want to listen to you and Justin all night, every night we are here." Everyone erupts in laughter. "Okay, so how about us girls in one room, and the guys can choose whoever they want to bunk with." I shrug, sounds good, except for the part I'm sleeping in the same room as the girl who threatened me to stay away from her ex. "Okay." We all settle in for the night. -- DREAM I'm sitting on the dock, I look back to see Scott standing there with a smile watching me. "Hi," he said as he took a seat next to me. "Hi," I said back. "YN, can I tell you that I really like you and I will probably never forgive Chloe for what she just did." I look down at my hands. "It's okay Scott, I knew it was going to come out eventually." -- I abruptly sat up, trying to catch my breath. Tears instantly filled my eyes. I look at the clock with my hazy eyes, '6:30'. The sun barely rising over the horizon. My feet hit the hardwood floor beneath me, I shuffle downstairs. I make myself a cup of coffee, and make my way down to the dock. The exact dock where my dream just took place. I look to notice the house still dark, so I take a second to talk to my belly. "Bugs, I'm trying so hard to stay strong and try to be normal, but I don't know if I can do this much longer. I love you so much, maybe I need to come clean, but I'm so scared bugs. The first time since last summer, I feel safe, I feel like I belong. I need this, I need to be normal." I rub my fingers over my ever-growing bump. It's smaller in the morning, so I don't think anyone can tell, but it's getting to the point of my dad told me he can tell I've gotten bigger. I'm so scared to lose my friends. I look back to see if anyone in the house is awake yet, and I see Chloe standing there on the patio. I roll my eyes as my heart rate increases. I really hope she didn't just hear everything I said to my baby. I act like everything is fine, "good morning Chloe," I sip on my coffee as I walk back in the house to see everyone up. "Wow everyone is up early," I comment as I walk into the living room. "We were going out to eat this morning, you want to go?" Jeff asks. "Sure." I shrug as I walk back upstairs to change from my pajamas. I walk into the attached bathroom, I change into some tan shorts, with a white tank top, and a pink jacket. My belly just pudging out a little bit. I'm not changing! -- We all get to this little diner, that we passed on the way up here. They supposedly have the best pancakes in all of California. "Let's see if the sign is right?" I laugh as I sunk into the booth looking at a menu with Jeff right next to me. "So what looks good?" Jeff asks me, "the pancakes, I might get the 4 stacks of blueberry ones." "Dang someone is hungry." I just shrug his comment off. "I can't help it, I'm hungry," I smirk at him. He just shakes his head with his half smirk. I notice a little stumble coming from his cheek, his hair is a little ruffled from the night before. Scott and Chloe's conversation catches everyone's in the group's attention. "Can't you see it? I love you," Chloe's eyes shine with tears, "I have for so long, but you can't see it. You're my best friend, and you can read me so well, but you've been blind to me ever since YN got here. Over and over, you choose YN instead of me." She looks down at her black flip-flops and speaks quietly again, "you have no idea how many 11:11 wishes, shooting star wishes, and just plain wishes I have used on you. Yet you talk about YN to me constantly. Haven't you noticed that I hesitate each time you ask me who I like now? It's because I'm so tempted to just tell you, but I know you won't care." She looks up at him and tried to meet his gaze with her big blue, teary eyes but his green eyes look away. She gets up and runs out of the diner. Everyone looks at Scott and me. I shrink into myself. Jeff's arm finds my waist, "it's okay." He whispered in my hear. I really hope so, Jeff. -- We all arrive back at the house. The guys go out to the lake, me and Jess change into our swimsuits, but I realize my bump is really noticeable, especially since I just ate 4 gigantic blueberry pancakes. So I change back into what I was wearing just without the jacket. "Why aren't you wearing your bikini I picked out?" Jess asked as I walk out in the room. "I just didn't like the way it fits." I lie. I loved the way it fit, I looked so cute with my baby bump, but I didn't want everyone to see my bump. "Oh okay, well I guess I'll just tan by myself," Jess says with a fake sad face. I just smile at my best friend and roll my eyes. "I'll be out there with you," I say. "Okay," she shrugs. "I'll meet you out there," I say as I walk back into the bathroom, I quickly go to the bathroom and make my way outside. My eyes instantly go to Jeff, I've never seen him shirtless before, but oh my, this guy reminds me of like a Greek god. I see Jeff wink and I roll my eyes as I smile at him. He just chuckles and goes back to fishing off the dock. "I'm hungry," I say after a couple hours of being outside and taking a short nap. "We'll start cooking," Jeff says more to the guys. I smile at him. "Thanks, eff," I walk over to him and I kiss his cheek. "I'm surprised you can reach my cheek," eff smirks. "I'm not that short!" I exclaim. - We finish our dinner. "So I'm so glad everyone is here," Chloe stands up from the group. I look at her. I get an uneasy feeling with her actions. "So I have an announcement, well it's not mine but it's YNN's but she wanted me to tell everyone because she's just too scared." I look at her with horror in my eyes. Eyes move from me to Chloe. I feel like I'm going to be sick, I know she's going to tell everyone. Everyone looks back to me confused. "You wonder why she never drinks alcohol, she is always hungry, or she's always tired, or why she's gained weight since she's moved here, it's because she's pregnant." I burst out crying, I started running. I couldn't stop my legs at the moment. My legs feel like they did when my dad told me he was leaving. They won't stop. "Chloe, you're a bitch!" I hear Jessica spit venom at her. My legs can't handle the pressure anymore, and I collapse in the sand, my teary eyes look out to the lake. "YN.." Jess approaches with caution. I look to her with nothing but tears in my eyes, she embraces me and just holds me in the sand. We sit there like that for about 5 minutes. "YNN, you're okay." I look at her trying to calm sobs. "YNN, so what if you're pregnant? You still have me, you'll always have me." "But what about Jeff? Everything is ruined." Jess just smiles at my words, "what?" I question why she is smiling while I'm having a literal breakdown. "It seems like you finally made your choice." I looked at her with a strange look. "What do you mean?" "You only said Jeff's name, you didn't say anything about Scott."

[nitewrighter]

Sorry if this is rude, but do you think you could do (maybe just a bit? of) that pre-fall ow camping trip title idea, it sounds like it’d be hilarious!

Yeah! It’s not rude at all!!

I realized the tone isn’t going to work as well if it’s post-retribution, so this is pre-Retribution.

…this was meant to be short but turned out longer. Whoops.

—-

The Derringer Nature Reserve was one of Overwatch’s prouder yet less sung-of accomplishments. Initially the site of massive devastation due to its proximity to the Detroit Omnium, Overwatch’s victory in the Omnic crisis and the efforts of its ecological division in the years after had rendered the once war and pollution-ravaged area into a pristine forest and lake area, which the US government has graciously donated to Overwatch as a both a research area for its ecological division, and a training area for its more militant wings.

It was not being used for either of those purposes right now though.

Genji sat on the bough in a meditative position. The sun shined through the  leaves and he breathed in. “Rin. Byō. Tō. Sha. Kai. Jin. Retsu. Zai. Zen.” The words left him in a breath. Three heads of the Shimada Clan’s elder council down, 4 to go. And they would likely be calling in sons-in-laws, business partners, promoting runners from the lower gangs. He wracked his brain over old family acquaintances. He needed to get in contact with Morrison and Reyes again, get back to Hanamura. Every minute he wasn’t fighting the Shimada clan they were rebuilding, re-organizing, consolidating their resources, making themselves harder to get to.

 He breathed in, “Rin. Byō. Tō. Sha. Kai. Jin. Retsu. Zai. Zen.” He breathed in. “Rin. Byō. Tō. Sha—” An oriole chirped loudly and he scowled beneath his metal faceplate. His eyes flicked to the little orange and black bird and glared hard. The bird pecked at the branch it was on with indifference before flying off. Genji drew a breath again. “Rin. Byō. Tō. Sha. Kai. J–”

“Oh there you are!” Mercy’s voice broke against the soft rustle of leaves and Genji flailed his arms for a few seconds to keep from falling off the branch.

“…Doctor Ziegler,” he said her name in greeting.

She looked like she had just walked out of a scout manual or a tent catalogue. High waisted umber shorts (complete with fanny pack), hiking boots, and a slightly oversized orange cotton collared shirt. Her hair was back in that high, fluffy ponytail. Genji on the other hand, only donned one of the official orange and gray training jumpsuits of Overwatch.

“So that’s your plan for the weekend?” Mercy put her hands on her hips, “Just… stay in a tree all day?”

“This is a waste of time,” muttered Genji, “We’re also not nearly as fortified as we should be. Someone should—”

“I think you’re missing the point of a ‘retreat,’” said Mercy,

Genji scoffed.

“He still brooding?” McCree sidled up alongside Mercy. 

“I am not brooding,” muttered Genji.

“You’re brooding,” said McCree, “C’mon, Genji, this is the first chance in forever we’ve had to unwind and you’re still all… coiled.”

“I am relaxed, this is me relaxing,” said Genji, folding his arms.

“Suuure it is,” said McCree, tossing a small beanbag up and down, “Look, Reyes and the commander took one of the canoes to ‘enjoy nature’s beauty’ or whatever euphemism they’re using this week, Ana’s off doing the mom thing with Fareeha, Rein insisted on an 11 mile hike–No thank you–and Torb is passed out in a canvas chair. So it’s down to us.”

“And what do you suggest we do to unwind?” said Genji with an eye roll.

“Cornhole,” said McCree.

“Pardon?” said Mercy.

“Cornhole,” McCree said again, holding up the beanbag, “They got a board set up on one of the little lake beaches. Bet I can beat you.”

“Cornho–You mean bean bags?” said Mercy.

“The official name is cornhole,” said McCree.

“I have no interest in silly bean bags,” muttered Genji.

 “C’mooon it’s a classic camp game! You two’ve never–?” he looked between Genji and Mercy, immediately remembered both of their family backgrounds, and cleared his throat, “Well… I guess both of you are long overdue for a good cornholin,’ then.”

“Please never use ‘cornhole’ as a verb again,” said Mercy.

“Can we please stop saying ‘cornhole?!’” said Genji before he got smacked in the faceplate with the beanbag.

“McCree!” he seethed.

“Jesse!” Mercy chided.

“See if your face was a hole in a wooden board, that would be worth three points right there,” said McCree, tilting his hat brim back with his thumb.

“Why would it be three points? Why not just one point?” said Mercy.

“Same reason a basketball basket’s two points, I guess. There’s actually a whole lot of terms and rules–you got your backstops, your sliders, your—” McCree noticed Mercy was slowly backing away from him, “What?”

McCree’s eyes flicked in the direction of Mercy’s line of sight, where Genji was positioning himself against the bough, muscles tensed, ready to launch off.

“Oh sh–” 

Genji tackled him.

—–

“Well now I know you’re getting old,” said Gabe.

“What can I say?” said Jack, casting his line again, “It’s relaxing.”

“You know it’s not relaxing because you know I’m going to be sitting here giving you shit for every fish you’re not catching,” said Gabe, readjusting where he was sitting and opening his book, the canoe rocking slightly as he did so.

“…hope we didn’t forget your glasses on the shore,” said Jack with a wry smile. 

“You’re hilarious,” said Gabe, “I don’t need glasses.”

“That’s a large-print book.”

“Shut up.”

“What’s this one about?” asked Jack, reeling his line in to find the bait gone.

Gabe glanced up from the book incredulously. “Count of Monte Cristo,” he said flatly, gesturing at the cover, “Just the first volume, though.”

“Yeah, what’s it about?” asked Jack, hooking another worm on the line.

“Are you seri–It’s part of the canon, Jack,” 

“Hey, we weren’t all lit and theater nerds back in high school,” said Jack. He squinted at the cover. “So… the guy’s like marooned by pirates or something?”

“Wow,” said Gabe, “No–I mean, it’s dense but you’d like it. So this guy Dantes-”

They were cut off by a string of Swiss German curses and glanced over at the distant shore of the lake to see Mercy furiously chasing after both Genji and McCree, who were chasing after each other and pelting each other with bean bags.

“Y’know, it’s times like this where I feel very secure in the fact that that the UN trusted us with safeguarding peace and progress for all of humanity,” said Jack, re-casting his line.

Gabe snorted. “Yeah. Suckers.”

—–

“Admit it. You had fun,” McCree was holding a cold beer can over his still-swelling black eye as they sat around the campfire that night. Gabe and Jack had turned in early, ever the soldiers. 

“I threw a sack of beans into a hole,” said Genji, “I don’t understand why it means so much to you.” 

“My friends!” Reinhardt handed them sticks, “Let us partake in that most glorious of campfire traditions!”

“Oh now we’re talking!” said McCree as Reinhardt tossed him a bag of marshmallows. Genji watched as the others skewered their marshmallows on sticks and did the same, putting his marshmallow over the fire.

“I mean… you’ve camped, right?” said McCree.

“Some aspects of ninja training involved wilderness survival, yes,” said Genji, “Father took Hanzo and I to Shirakami-Sanchi for that… it was more about finding direction, foraging, and building temporary shelters, not bean bags and marshmallows.”

“It’s good to try something new, though,” said McCree, “Y’know, get out of your head.”

“Mm,” Genji wasn’t sure how to respond to that. 

“Hey Merce!” McCree called, “Come on, get over here! Roast your marshmallow!”

“Yes, Angela!” Reinhardt called as well, “And Torbjörn, my friend! Join us!”

“In a minute!” Mercy was standing next to Torbjörn and both of them were fussing over a telescope while Mercy held a flashlight over it. 

“What I wouldn’t give to have an astrophysicist on the team,” Mercy sighed, switching arms for the flashlight.

“Well it’s not as if one’s going to just drop out of the sky,” said Torbjorn, putting his eye to the eyepiece and readjusting it.

Genji huffed a little–It wasn’t like she needed the flashlight that badly anyways, it was a pretty bright night as it was. The light of the campfire splashed yellow on her, while the moonlight outlined her hair in silver. Why was light always catching on her like that? She would be a terrible ninja. Sticking out like a sore thumb. She suddenly slapped her leg and the motion gave him a slight start. Mosquito, he realized. She and Torbjörn were probably being eaten alive by them that far from the fire.

“Ang–” he nearly called and then caught himself, “Doctor Ziegler–”

“In a minute!” Mercy said again, slapping a mosquito off her arm.

Genji felt eyes on him and he glanced over at McCree, who managed to still have an insufferable smirk while holding a beer can over his black eye.

“What?” said Genji.

McCree pointed to Genji’s marshmallow, which was now flaming and blackened.

“Good to get out of your head, right?” said McCree.

[squidproquoclarice]

Do you take writing requests? I noticed your backstory for Arthur and Abigail and I'm curious if you would be willing to write that out. Can't wait for the next chapter of May The Sunrise!

July 1894Western Minnesota

It was one of the good nights, one of the real good nights.  The bank job went over flawlessly that afternoon, and they’d made it back to camp.  Whiskey and beer flowing, songs being sung–watch maintained by John and Javier first, though, just in case.  She felt good too.  She’d been with them only a few months, but they’d become something special to her already.  Family, a different kind of family from all the sisters she’d had growing up among painted ladies in Council Bluffs.  She had menfolk in her life now too, and as more than transient marks or customers, and more than–well, Uncle sure wasn’t much, whatever he was.  A father of sorts in Hosea, and the rest, some aimed to be brothers, and others, there was nothing to be ashamed of a girl having a good time with some fine-looking men.  She and Javier had some fun, and Lord, the things that man knew how to do, wicked and gentle all at once.  She’d had her share of men before that, but truly, she’d had little idea.  Dutch–Dutch had been another thing entirely.  She’d ended that night exhausted in the best way possible, but with the oddest sense he was done with her after that, and he hadn’t asked her back to his tent again.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but in her opinion, it did a pussy some good.  Far better that she choose like this and enjoy it than it had been in a year of lying back for men who’d paid their fare for a ride, with no choice in that at all.  Some of them hadn’t been so bad, but some had.  She liked this life, wild and free.  She liked these people, who gave her choices and looked at her as something more than something to scratch an itch.

Passing around the south end of camp, taking another slug of whiskey, she could hear Dutch’s happy holler, “–done Jesse James and Cole Younger one better, boys, they got run right outta Minnesota in ‘76–”There was a dry chuckle at that, and she turned.  There was Arthur, sitting there on a crate, carefully loading bullets into the empty slots of a bandolier by lantern light.  Though from how he fumbled with it a bit here and there, he’d obviously had his share of the bottle of whiskey on the barrel top alongside his project.  He looked up, saw her, and gave her a crooked grin.  “My God, to hear old Dutch talking, you’d think we knocked over that damn Northfield bank itself that turned back the James/Younger gang, not a little thing like Star Lake.  That bank manager?  I couldn’t hardly keep a straight face listening to that Swedish accent he got, or Norwegian, or whatever the hell it was.”Laughing at it herself, she sat down on the other side of the barrel.  “That accent were funny as hell, right?  ‘Oh, Miss, don’tcha know that?’  Thought it’d take him a year to get a sentence out!”  She tried picking up one of the bullets herself, threading it carefully into a leather loop. “Other way,” he said, but not angrily.  “I’m right handed.  Bullet nose goes to the left so I can grab and load real easy, no need to turn it around, see?”  He plucked one out, mimed loading it right into a revolver, motion easy and instinctive, even tipsy.  Big hands, but deft ones–well, that sparked a wicked little notion in her mind that grew the more she let herself mull it over.  “You want ‘em all put the same way for that.”  She nodded, untucking the bullet and reversing it.

“You done good in that bank,” he went on.  She’d been there playing a customer, keeping everyone quiet and acting terrified, and picking a few pockets in the bargain.  

“Thanks.”  They worked there together, finishing up the job.  She looked up at him in increasingly interested glances.  Thirty, just about, and not at all a bad looking man, handsome in that big, broad, bluff and hearty sort of a way.  Funny man too, at that.  He seemed like the sort of man who could be a good time.  The hook of curiosity was there and set.  So she went right for the target.  “Seems it’s a night for celebrating.  Having a good time.  So–I wouldn’t mind me some company tonight, if you was interested.”        He paused at that, really looking at her then.  Brow furrowed for a second, and if he made some cheap remark about Dutch and Javier having had her first, he could fuck right off and jerk off, thank you very much.  Then he reached out, took another fairly strong pull on the whiskey bottle.  “Well, why not.”  He gave a low chuckle, shaking his head.  “Pretty girl like you, I’d have to be a fool to say ‘no’, wouldn’t I?”His tent was right there, and soon enough he had the flaps closed behind them.  She wouldn’t light the lantern–last thing this needed was casting shadows on the tent wall and giving everyone one of those Magic Lantern shows.  The firelight cut through the tent wall enough to give some faint glow, so she could see enough.

One hand on his shoulder, she pushed him down towards his cot, and he went.  Climbing on, straddling his hips, she braced up on those fine broad shoulders of his, leaning down to kiss him.  Now here was a surprise–rather than going right at it, Arthur kissed far sweeter than she thought, his fingers weaving into her hair, the other hand on her back, holding her close.  Soft and almost wistful, and apparently Dutch’s enforcer had something more to him than she’d thought.  Not an unwelcome surprise at that.She kissed him harder, reached down, got the buckle of his gun belt, undid it easily.  He reacted like a damn spooked horse, practically freezing up under her, inhaling sharply, hands suddenly tense on her.  She laughed at that, but kindly, in a way that was meant to make it all right again.  “Been a bit since you had a woman?  That’s all right.  You work hard enough, guess you ain’t getting much time for pleasure.  But you know what they say.  All work and no play makes Arthur a dull boy.”

He gave a slow, rueful chuckle.  “I fear I make a pretty dull boy no matter what.”“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.”  She leaned in to kiss him again, but he ducked her lips, turning his head aside so the kiss landed on one stubbled cheek.

He breathed in deeply, then exhaled, breath with a whiff of whiskey warm against her cheek.  “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

Well, she could feel as she shifted on his lap that one part of him certainly wanted to be doing this, and the sooner the better.  “Why not?  I ain’t married to Javier.  Or you bothered that I was with Dutch?”

“Fair’s fair.  I figure a woman’s free to bed anyone she wants, if we fellas can.”

“Then really, what the hell is the problem?”  

He reached up, touched her cheek, and gave a sad, awkward little smile.  “Ain’t nothing about you.  It’s me.”    

Could he be more cryptic?  But she’d seen some of the girls with their customers, men missing some girl they’d lost or couldn’t have, and Hosea had made some wry joke about him pining for a girl.  “This about that girl, that Mary I heard about?”  She leaned down, kissed him again, lightly.  “You missing her? I could make you forget.”  A whore was damn good at that, at being the girl they really wanted.  She couldn’t say how many women’s names she’d been called by.  “Or you can call me by whatever name, if that’s what you need.”“No, nothing to do with Mary.  But there’s a girl I damn well shouldn’t let myself forget,” and there was a sudden grim note of iron in his voice.  Carefully but firmly, he got her by the hips, lifting her off him, setting her to sit down beside him.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have even started this.”

There was something else in this now, something within her that she’d almost have to call a sort of fear.  She’d gotten swept out far from the riverbank on this one.  Gone in expecting cheerful fun with a man who seemed obvious and uncomplicated, and suddenly she’d seen there was a hell of a lot going on inside him, things she couldn’t touch and couldn’t understand.  Depths to him that felt unseen and unknowable, and far, far too much for her.  Who the hell are you really, Arthur Morgan?  “It’s fine.  I seen men before who need one woman in particular.  They can’t pretend with anyone else.  Whoever she is, she’s lucky.”

He huffed out a soft chuckling laugh, looking down at his hands, clasped between his knees.  “Oh, now, I wouldn’t say she’s anything like lucky for having gotten tangled up with me.”  There was a weary note in his voice that made him think perhaps she’d died, but she wouldn’t ask.  “But you’re a good girl, Abigail Roberts.  You deserve a man who ain’t in your bed only for the forgetting.  Some lucky bastard who can’t barely believe he gets to call you his–calls you by your own name, too.”She shook her head, incredulous.  “That right there might be the finest thing a man’s said to me in a long time.”    

“If that ain’t sad commentary on the brainless degenerates you been keeping company with, not sure what is.”  He gave her a wry smile.  “Counting myself among that number, mind.”

“Oh, you’re not so bad.”“A lady having a good opinion of me?  That’s rare as hen’s teeth.”She scoffed at him at that.  “I ain’t no lady!”

“And I ain’t no gentleman, so here we sit, you and me.”  Reaching for the cigarettes on the barrel top by his bedside, he offered her the packet, and she drew one out.  Taking one for himself, he struck a match, a tiny flare of light in the twilight gloom of the tent, and lit her cigarette for her.  Sitting there beside him, having a peaceful smoke, wishing she could do something for him, sad and lonely as he was, strangely kind as he’d proved.  Obviously fucking wasn’t on the menu, but he seemed a little brighter now even just having her sit there and talk, so maybe that helped.  

Finishing his smoke, he dropped it, crushing it out underneath his boot heel.  “Gotta go take my watch, but you can sleep here if you want.  Quieter than bunking down around Uncle’s snores and farts.”

“That, and it lets everyone think we was very busy in here.  Gets them off your back about going whoring for a few months, I reckon?”

He smirked, tapping his temple with two fingers, then pointing them at her.  “There’s a clever girl.  I figured you was one.”

She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help but smile.  Reached over and mussed up his hair a bit, as if she’d been running her fingers through it, feeling that momentary catch of tension in him again at her touch.  Minnesota July air was humid enough, and closing the tent flaps made it even worse, so they probably both looked sweaty enough to sell the idea of having had a pretty vigorous tumble in his tent.  “Don’t worry.  They ask me about it, you was truly magnificent tonight.”

“Doing me a favor, then?”

“Oh, it’s doing me a favor too.  Them boys already gotta push for the standards you been holding them to, right?  They think that here’s one more thing you set the bar about impossibly high, they’re gonna have to work all the harder to keep up.”  John especially would probably take that as a challenge and a half, given she could see he practically worshipped Arthur.His laugh at that was deep and genuine, covering his eyes with one hand, shoulders shaking.  “My God, you truly are something else, Abigail.”  Finishing her own cigarette, she lay back on the cot as he went and undid the tent flaps, cooler night air rushing in.  He wasn’t wrong.  This wasn’t fine living, but it was a bit more comfortable than her pallet underneath the wagon.  “Good night,” she said, softly enough she thought he might not hear it.  Though from how he paused in the doorway of the tent, and nodded, apparently he had.  Then he was gone.

[unholyhelbiglinked]

Camp Beaverbrook | 006

CHECK OUT THE STORY FROM THE START HERE 

Dear Mom,

Do you remember Cathy Halliwell? I do. She was the girl that I used to play with in first grade. The one who lived a few houses down- she was always so… defiant? It was like whatever she said or did pissed me off (excuse my language) and she knew it. She wanted to get me angry. She wanted to get a rise out of me to see what I would do if she pushed me too hard. My watersports director is Cathy Halliwell. Okay, well, not literally but she’s close enough.

Aubrey M. Posen.

The sun reflected off the water, its ripples cutting across a normally calm surface. Everything looked almost silver- a metallic edge to a simple body of water. Aubrey tried not to stare into the sun often, her eyes squinted and a strange heat collecting under her stare. She watched like a gargoyle crouched on a stone roof.

Instead of glowing ruby eyes, there was a cup of coffee in her hands and a push of breath past her lips. It was bitter and burnt. She never trusted Jesse when it came to the beverage. He scarcely drank it. When he did he was wired for days with a stomach ache but he had no quarrels when it came to throwing on a pot of water.

She flinched at the taste and lowered it.

Beca Mitchell was keeping a watchful eye on the kids in the water. A whistle was slung around her neck and she even moved it up to her lips to shout a few times. The campers minded her but that didn’t stop the seething edge that wormed under her skin. There was something off about Beca.

She had scampered away from breakfast yesterday morning like it was nothing, shoving a piece of bacon into her mouth before vanishing into a cloud of fog from the higher levels of the mountain. Her words were sharp, and her movements were strong but behind those sullen eyes was a damped soul with the need for something more. Something she wasn’t telling Chloe.

“You’ll set her on fire if you keep staring like that, you know?”

Aubrey let her stare linger for a few more seconds. Then she cast her eyes over to the voice, over to the tender gaze that met hers. It was warm and blissful, yet naive at the same time. Aubrey recognized the girl from last year, though she had grown into her height, had grown into a lot of things.

Emily stood tall, a towel held against a mess of wet hair. She had dried it enough to give it a messy shine in the sun. A bikini held her curves and sun-kissed skin. She had pulled herself from the water and Aubrey was too distracted to have noticed the shift of the rocks and the sound of water dripping. Emily was distracting at best, and that goofy grin on her face was nothing short of endearing.

“Not that… I snuck into the movie Carrie when I was way too young to see it. Not the best idea, because the only thing I could think of was how she set that whole gym on fire because she was angry.”

“What makes you think I’m angry?”

“Oh,” Emily quieted “I’m not sure, I guess. That crinkle in your nose is a bit of a dead giveaway.”

Aubrey forced a breathy mess past her lips and shoved her hands into her jean short pockets, the whistle she was running her tongue over a second ago dropped. It was cold against her chest, but her eyes barely flicked over to it. Instead, she studied the camper. “I don’t have a crinkle.”

“You do,” Emily narrowed her stare and ran her own finger over the bridge of her nose “It kind of forms right here. And it seems to only happen when coach Mitchell is around. See! There it is again!”

The head counselor couldn’t wipe the dorky grin off her face as Emily beamed back, trying to work her fingers through the wet mane of hair that was framing her face. “Coach- you, I mean, you actually call her coach?”

Aubrey couldn’t help the disdain that leaked into her voice, it was one of those things that her therapist talked to her about: don’t be quick to judge Aubrey, dear. Not everything can be up to par. Her parents had forced her into those sessions in the first place in an attempt to loosen the strings they tightened. Aubrey would nod along and act like she was taking the advice to heart, but she never would. Not the way she was supposed to.

Camp had made it easier on her. She would allow herself to crack open a beer on the edge of a log, denting something that nature had created. The bubbles would wash over her grasp and she would down the other half without a thought.

“Well, what do you suggest we call her?”

Aubrey could swear that she saw Emily lean in. The towel was now strung over her shoulder and the primal scent of lake water sprinkled her skin. It was musty and mixed so evenly with the cheap sunscreen that kept Emily’s cheeks from reddening.

“Scum.”

“Relax,” Emily barked out a laugh. Aubrey was about to shoot her a narrowed glare but there was a gentle and subtle touch that squeezed at her shoulder. Emily’s fingers were warm, and a tingle ran against her arm. It instantly made the tension in her shoulder melt. The brunette almost drew back, testing the water, it seemed. “I know Beca isn’t your favorite person, but she actually minds us pretty well.”

“That is an understatement.” She sighed.

Aubrey wasn’t exactly sure why she was telling all of this to Emily; Emily who had the kind eyes, the sun hitting them in just the right way to invoke a golden honey. She had a cautious smile and the blonde had recalled the years the two of them spent with sparring glances.

She would stare across the fire. Her breath pushed into the midnight air and she nursed the drink in her hands. Emily would glance over the flames a taunting smile on her face that could easily be excused as innocent. But Aubrey felt a heat that never had anything to do with the campfire. However, she pushed it down. She was the head counselor now, and Emily? Emily was still just a camper.

“I don’t trust her.” Aubrey finally allowed herself. “She’s snuck away more than once.”

“Social recluse, maybe?”

“Maybe. Or a raging bitch.”

“Mm,” Emily paced herself, casting out a glance to the woman who lifted an eyebrow her way. “You know, I uh, I used to think that about you?”

Aubrey was back to sputtering; her fingers found the little pieces of lint in her pockets. She had rolled them up into little tight balls like she used to do with gum wrappers or the ridged edges of notebook paper in class. It was a nervous habit, but it beat giving into the nausea. “What?”

“You used to scare me, a lot.” She said, continuing to stare at the lake that had grown darker with the engrossed season. “But then I got to know you a little bit better and… maybe give her a chance is all? I’m not saying shove your tongue down her throat because that’s-“

Aubrey lifted an eyebrow.

“That is not what I meant, you shouldn’t come onto her or anything, I mean… that’s not what I want to do to you. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy that because I would it’s just-“She let out a long sigh, placing her face in the palm of her hand.

“Emily?”

“Yeah?”

“Go cool off.”

“I’m gonna-“Her voice was shaky “yeah”

Aubrey watched as the girl let her towel drop to the rocky shore, a puddle of fabric that she wished she could keep her gaze on. Emily flicked her gaze down before taking a few more steps to the water and completely submerging herself. Aubrey tried not to stare, she really did.

But she was utterly helpless.    

[lottalex]

1/1/2019~reflection

yo, so im not really sure how to do this. I think I just made a random Tumblr to let the feelz out. because your girl gotta lotta them. hence the lotta lex. but I am still not comfortable with people seeing my shit that I know because putting my feelings out to the world that sees me in every day life is fucking terrifying.

SO. basically, I am just her to reflection my life the last year because it is now 2019 and that is the basic girly thing to do ~*~*~ 

Jan- wtf even happened in January of last year. gimme a sec to look at my pictures. pretty sure thats when I riddled with anxiety constantly and crying alone in my apartment while my ex-boyfriend went out all the time with his friends and I hated my life. lets check. my god, first of all I was fat. and had black hair and bangs. (tf did no one stop me for.) HOWEVER, my sweet angel nephew was born and I got to cry as I held him for the first time and fell in love with him. I remember being so terrified that my bff would have an ugly baby but that bitch had to outdo us and produce the cutest lil human. god bless. I started my journey on being a vegetarian on this day last year. which was amazing and I could see my body changing while knowing I was helping the planet. that being said, it’s time to return to that. Contemplated chopping my hair off. clearly going thru a lil crisis at this point lol. my other best friend found out her bf was talking to anther girl and I had to hold all that shit in because I was angry. and did she leave? nah, ya girl didn't but its alright hit up May on here I’m sure you’ll see how she got him back lol. alright so Jan wasn’t the worst. pretty good bc of the bean.

Feb- Ain’t got no clue wtf went on here. I remember my ex took the day off work to watch a fucking soccer game on valentines day instead of coming to see me lol. Jacqui came to visit during this time apparently lol nice. Yes, omg I fucked called into work and went to St. Louis and SMASHED some Korean bbq. fuck that sounds so fire right now. we played overwatch which is always fun. I didn’t get chosen for an animal caregiver position lol. getting skinnier. got the lush shampoo and conditioner bars. might have to hit those up again but they made my hair so greasy in korea. omg donghyun and I started being friends, jacqui was talking to some super hot Korean boy too. sad that didn’t work out for her lol. God, im so happy I went through my pictures. I forgot that February was the time that my best friend and I decided to take the biggest fucking risk of our lives and study in Korea for the summer. my mom was so fucking supportive. I will never delete those screenshots. My sister realized she was depressed and we got her some meds. woo. I made work friends and played dungeons and dragons like a fucking nerd and I love it.

March- ayyyye, I think this is where my anxiety got high as fuck about korea which was amazing lol such a fucking shitty time in my life. low-key worth it tho. I made a chicken Alfredo lasagna for my friends and it was fire. I should make that again. so many veggies and dog pics. love both of those things. I CUT ALL MY HAIR OFF WOW. I FORGOT. damn, that shit was short. Ashley finally starting coming around again. lol broke Zach’s phone and Ashley’s tooth on st. Pattys day. go team. doggo had to get heart worm shots. that shit was 1700 bucks and she had a weird patch shaved on her back lol. my grandparents got me a fucking sweet coffee pot for Christmas and I finally started using it. I need to break it out again, WE SENT OUR DEPOSIT FOR OUR APARTMENT IN KOREA OMFG I WANNA CRY I LOVE IT. started doing yoga too. another thing I need to get into again. 

April- went home for easter. wore a black bra with a yellow sweater. the beginning of disappointing my stepmom’s side of the family lol. got my luggage for korea omfg I wanna cry looking at these. it makes me so happy. lots of bts pics. still love them. just highly glad im not as obsessed anymore. god, more screenshots of my fabulous mother being loving and supportive of my every move. guess who I cant say that for? my dad lol. damn, this is the month my anxiety fucking attacked me. I couldn't sleep. I would cry for hours alone. I thought I was going to get my house broken into. I was paranoid someone was watching me. just a really shitty time. but, I had lots of things to look forward to and I didn't even know. 

may- this was my fucking month. Jesus, this is gonna be a crazy ride. omg trying to purchase BTS tickets with our whole fam for jacqui to be the only one to get one lol. and then my sweet mother again hitting up Stubhub and buying us tickets for $1,000. she cray but I was so thankful. I held a snake, nice. I quit my job and moved home for like 3 weeks prior to Korea. I. babysat. all. the. time. I had Wyatt and Navie. and I got in trouble for coming home and babysitting because my boyfriend at the time wanted me to pay attention only to him. he wanted me to not make any money before I left. nothing. the new bts album came out and its still my favorite one so far. I woke up early as fuck and listened to the whole thing with jacqui. we put headphones in and texted with every song we listened to. my god, im thankful for that bitch. decided that month that I wouldn’t stay at my old apartment and that I would move in with Jesse. saving me quite a bit of cash. went to Chicago before we left for korea for a concert and we brought the boys lol what a mistake. ex and I fought the entire time. he was such a dick to me before I left for korea and im not sure if he even sees it to this day. but I had the worst drink ever at a bar in Chi. we rode bikes along the lake. BFF attempted to get her hair done and it was all fucked up and she had to fix it. had a karaoke night with her family which was fun. had to leave my doggo, not so fun. drove the airport with my family (& at this point by family I just mean my mom, stepdad and siblings because is my dad really a parent at this point lol). BFF and I left for korea. traveled to Canada where their money smells like maple syrup lol. started taking anxiety pills finally. got to mother fucking South Korea. had to climb up six flights of stairs with 3 suitcases each lololololol. couldn’t get real food anywhere because jacqui and I were anxious motherfuckers and wouldn’t go in anywhere to order. got a Korean phone number. oh, also broke up with my boyfriend two days before I left. I didn’t break up with him but yeah. also found out he was talking to girls on snapchat a lot. thats was fun. my mental breakdowns at that time were fun. but I was kinda happy because it took a lot of pressure off me for korea and all and all it was for the best. we weren’t happy and hadn’t been for a long time.

June- OH JUNE. so many things. KOREA. Jacqui and I found our home restaurant in korea and I hope if we go back it’ll still be there. best 김치찌게 ever. met other foreign people one night out. got super fucking drunk on alcohol in hongdae somewhere that I dont even remember lol. Also, that was the night I met the first Korean dude I kissed. he was nice. English not so good. Jacqui met that josh kid. god I hope I never forget that. dude was a creeper. and the next night I broke my fucking wrist and dislocated my wrist and elbow AND snapped the elbow ligament all over a motherfucking Korean American boy. drunk Lexie is and always will be a mess hahahahaha. so had to go to the ER via Korean taxi where I almost passed out because they wouldn't let me drink water. had to cry in front of a lot of Koreans. got my arm set back into place without any anesthesia. but I found a billboard cutout of BTS on the way home lol. had to make my parents decide if I should stay in korea for surgery or come back to the states. mind you I was not even a week into being in korea hahah. this is why my dad fucking hates me im sure of it. attempted to explore a lil more. I feel bad for jacqui. she had to take care of me throughout all of this and I was fucked up on pain meds. she's a good egg that one. had surgery in korea. missed the first few days of class lol. found the fucking best popsicles ever in the hospital. made my dad pay 9,000 dollars for my surgery. found a bomb ass American restaurant. RIP I miss u. awh, omg Dasol. my bird. learned I loved cold noodles. especially in the heat of June Jesus H. tai kwon do was also lit. cute instructors bless. Jacqui’s drunk tinder date that turned into my date lol hey Daniel. got my cast off and got the brace. met meerkats and wallabies. finally had sex with someone besides my ex. 

ok ok this too much. I gotta clean now ill be back for the other six months lol 

[theheavymetalmama]

Katie Reviews “Far Cry 5″

Doctor Stupidlove

Another day, another Far Cry game. Whether or not that’s a good or bad thing depends on person to person with a laundry list of variables, including but not limited to personal taste and sensibilities, franchise fatigue, whether or not you bought into the glue-huffing guff that this game held a leftist bias pushing an anti-white, anti-American agenda because for the first time in the series the bad guys are an American fanatically religious death cult instead of brown people from imaginary foreign countries, and a myriad of other things I’m probably missing. I’ll say up front that after Primal and a bunch of other bullshit from Ubisoft between now and the infamous ‘women are too hard to animate’ thing I was pretty much done with the series and Ubisoft as a whole. Then the launch trailer for Far Cry 5 dropped and, having grown up in a dead gold mining community chock-full of racist loonies not unlike the one depicted in the fictional Hope County, my interest immediately peaked.

See, the Far Cry games have a strange pattern to them. No game is perfect, but the Far Cry games stand out in that they have one glaring flaw that mars an otherwise damn good game. Far Cry 3 is held aloft as when the series peaked, and for good reason, but the main character was irredeemably unlikable and the main charismatic villain just up and vanishes from the halfway point in the game. Far Cry 4, or Far Cry 3 2 as some call it, fixed the villain problem but the main character was just dull. Primal was...not good, with a boring lead, a boring villain, and an overall boring game. Sure, Blood Dragon was a ton of fun, but part of the charm was that it was completely self-aware of its’ own absurdity and the characters from the hero to the villain weren’t characters so much as they were walking punchlines.

So how does Far Cry 5 compare? Well, when it comes to story, setting, and gameplay, it’s a step up from Far Cry 4 in some ways, blows Primal out of the water, but has its’ own issues and hang-ups that don’t quite make it live up to Far Cry 3. That’s the short version, anyway. The long version?

Let’s start with graphics, location, and aesthetics. Far Cry 5 looks fucking beautiful. 

I’m not kidding, everything from the wild lands, the forests, the mountains, the lakes and rivers, the settlements, everything in Far Cry 5 is absolutely gorgeous. It’s not quite up there with Breath of the Wild or Horizon: Zero Dawn in sheer style and detail, but it’s pretty damn close. More often than not I found myself forgetting about the mission and spending a lot of time exploring, hunting, and trying to take in the sights. More on the ‘trying’ part in a bit. The atmosphere sucks you right in, everything from the chirping birds and buzzing bees making the world feel alive. Exploring the woods and hearing cultist singing and chanting far off in the distance, especially at night, is legitimately terrifying. Wildlife always plays a key role in the Far Cry games and this is no exception, from docile deer to the always pleasant wolverine providing plenty of opportunities for hunting. Just don’t get skunked.

The game takes place in Hope County, a fictional region in rural Montana. Now I’ve never actually been to Montana, but I did grow up in Washington state and I can’t help but notice many similarities. The woods, the rivers, the god damned apple farms, exploring Hope County felt like I was going home again. Sometimes not for the better, but that’s neither here nor there. In any case, Hope County is beautifully detailed, from the farms to forest to the interiors of the (ugh...) Spread Eagle bar to the small hunting cabins out in the woods. Hats off to the artists and environmental designers for Far Cry 5, because they manage to tell more story about the world and characters with just a ransacked pumpkin farm and a dog mourning his dead owners than Square Enix and Konami ever could with a 20 minute cutscene and a dictionary’s worth of dialogue for each character.

Speaking of characters, the Far Cry games are loaded with memorable characters and the locals of Hope County are no exception. Returning character Hurk is back and as redneck-y as ever, and it turns out Hope County is his home. We also meet members of his family, like his pyromaniac cousin Sharky, his promiscuous mother Adelaide and her boyfriend Xander who’s roughly 1/3rd her age, and his racist conspiracy theorist gun-hoarding father Hurk Sr. No wonder he’s so messed up.

But Hurk and his folks aren’t the only people you meet, as the game is packed to the brim with memorable characters that you either love or love to hate, from lovable country boy Nick Rye and half-feral huntress Jess Black to the cartoonishly evil Seed family. More on them in a minute. Oh, and you get a pet bear named Cheeseburger.

Combat and gunplay is as tight as ever, and vehicle control is so smooth it gives Grand Theft Auto a run for its’ money. The soundtrack is pretty damn good, featuring a good mix of licensed and original music and songs. To the surprise of nobody my favorite is the one that plays during the stunt missions.

Leveling and character progress has been streamlined a bit. You upgrade your skills not by gaining experience, but by completing in-game challenges and finding ‘perk magazines’ that, you guessed it, give you points to unlock...well, perks. Some may not like that, but in my opinion it makes sense because if you gained experience just by killing stuff you’d reach level 50 before your first boss fight. Things like bigger ammo bags and extra weapon holsters are no longer unlocked by animal skins but through perks, and said said skins are now exclusively a form of making money.

So that about covers it for the good, and now it’s time for the bad. The streamlining I just brought up both helps and hurts the game. On one hand it does make progressing a lot less tedious, but on the other hand it does take away a lot of what makes Far Cry stand out from other typical shooters. It feels less like they were trimming the fat and more like they were cutting corners. For starters, areas that contain loot only contain ammo, crafting components, and sometimes money. There’s no more animations for skinning animals, harvesting plants, looting corpses, or even your character opening doors. That’s not so bad, but I really miss how dynamic and, as much as I’ve grown to detest this word, cinematic meeting new characters in previous games were. Take a look at this scene in Far Cry 4 when you meet Longinus, easily one of the highlights of the game.

And here’s what happens when you meet Sharky in Far Cry 5. (MINOR SPOILERS)

See the difference? Now one can argue that meeting new characters in real time saves some...well, time and is considerably less pretentious, but it just isn’t as interesting. Far Cry 5 still has plenty of scripted cutscenes, but again, they’ve been stripped down to the bone.

Now remember what I said earlier about trying to take in the sights? This game is packed to the fucking gills with enemy NPCs. Now previous Far Cry games had plenty of enemies as well but this went way overboard to the point that you can’t walk or drive 50 feet before running into a convoy or roadblock or whatever. I speak no hyberbole when I say that by the time you’ve liberated your first region, you’ll have killed more cultists than there are people currently living in real-life Montana as well as hunted and skinned more wolves, cougars, and bears than there are wolves, cougars, and bears currently populating the US west coast. Also, in what universe can a fucking turkey pose a legitimate threat to humans!? Does Far Cry occupy the same universe as fucking South Park?

The story of Far Cry 5 is pretty straight forward, but it definitely feels like there’s some pretty big pieces missing from it. This isn’t just me, critics and players across the board agree that it feels like something was cut from the game at the last minute. This is especially true for the endings, but more on that in a bit. I can’t help but feel that the writers and developers had a lot more to say about racism, gender roles and the enforcement thereof, gun violence and gun culture in America, sexism, religious zealotry, far-right extremism, and of course this tire fire of a presidential administration, because the pieces for all of that are still there. A handful of NPCs mention gender roles for a hot second, several of the guns for hire make disparaging remarks about Trump, the symbol of Eden’s Gate strongly resembles the same symbol the Ku Klux Klan and other white supremacist groups use, Hurk’s dad is a caricature of far-right ideals purposefully exaggerated for ridicule and contempt, and there’s even a mission where you meet up with another returning character to find Trump’s pee-tape.

All of the elements are there, but the game says almost nothing about any of it. Why?

When the first trailer for the game dropped it was around the same time Wolfenstein II: the New Colossus was close to release and the same mouth-breathing shitheels who screamed about how killing Nazis in Wolfenstein was pushing an anti-white, anti-conservative agenda did the same thing for Far Cry 5. My guess is that the PR guys at Ubisoft saw the oxygen-thieving wastes of space screaming about how the game was “anti-white SJW propaganda” and then panicked and removed huge chunks of the game so as not to alienate any racist shitheads who may want to buy it. Not only does the game say almost nothing about any of the themes and elements that I mentioned earlier, but the cult of Eden’s Gate is multi-racial and gendered where most of the guys have long hair and hipster beards and all the women barring Faith Seed have short hair and buzz cuts. It’s really jarring and feels like something that was added at the last minute, as the male cultists all sound the same and the female cultists say hardly anything at all.

That brings us to the player character; they’re aren’t a character, they’re an avatar and silent protagonist. Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but it feels strange. Especially when you play as a female, which I did. Now the character creation itself is fine, especially with the wide variety of outfits, but the rest is pretty bare bones. More to the point, it’s painfully obvious they designed the game with a male lead in mind and then added a gender-switch as an afterthought. Almost everyone in the game refers to you by male pronouns (which to be fair I call my ladyfriends ‘dude’ all the time) but there are a few scenes where you’re found shirtless in the game. Now call me old-fashioned, but I’d have a bit stronger of a reaction than “Oh, you startled me” if I woke up to some weirdo carving the word ‘wrath’ into my tits! I have a sneaking suspicion that they added a gender switch at the last minute because someone reminded them of the time they looked like lazy idiots for claiming your customizable assassin in Assassin’s Creed: Unity couldn’t be a woman because women were too hard to animated.

And now, let’s finally talk about the Seed Family.

We have the leader Joseph Seed, the trainer and disgraced soldier Jacob, the sadistic second in command John, and the seductress Faith. The Far Cry games are known for their charismatic villains and the seeds are no exception, and especially gripping because the second you meet any single one of them you immediately want them dead. The only problem is that, again, they’re so cartoonishly evil that the more you see them the more you want to shove them crotch-first into the mouth of a hungry grizzly bear. Vaas was always one step ahead of you and constantly in your face and Pagan Min was so suave and charming that you kind of wanted to see where he was going with it all.

Not the case with the seeds. When you see them they immediately piss you off, and the more you see them they just keep pissing you off because they keep hiding behind doors, cronies, hallucinations, or plot devices. And hey, that’s fine. As long as you get to shove the barrel of a shotgun right into their mouth and spatter their brains all over the walls of their church then who cares, right?

....

So, let’s talk about the endings of the game.

Once you’ve liberated all three regions of Hope County by killing John, Jacob, and Faith, you return to the main cult compound to arrest Joseph once again. However, once you get there and cuff him you step outside to find your allies under the brainwashing influence of the drug Bliss and a boss fight ensues. When you knock your allies out and revive them, they snap out of their Bliss-induced stupor and turn on Joseph, and once you’ve freed all of them Joseph drops like a hot rock. When Joseph is down and the day is won...this happens.

....no, really. 

Right the fuck out of nowhere a nuke lands somewhere in the outskirts of Hope County and you scramble to escape, and pretty soon you black out and wake up in a bunker chained to a bed with Joseph hovering over you saying that you’ll be his first new recruit in the cult. All the allies you previously made die as Hope County is wiped off the map and the game ends, not even giving you a continuation like previous games did and rendering every single thing you did up to this point totally and utterly meaningless.

Now some people have defended this, including the developers, saying that there are radio broadcasts in-game talking about how tensions are raising in Russia and North Korea. I spent hours driving around in the game listening to the radio and I heard no such thing, but if they’re indeed there then this only furthers my suspicion that this was a last-minute change because of the backlash from racist shitbirds and wasn’t the ending the writers and developers originally intended. 

For starters, the escalating tensions between Russia, the US, and North Korea aren’t mentioned anywhere else in the game except in the radio broadcasts (which again, I never heard) and despite the Seeds going on and on about “the collapse” we never get any idea of what the collapse is until the end of the game. It’s not even a convincing depiction of a nuke going off! Just some burning trees and a few animals dropping dead as you make your escape with Joseph in tow and neither of you having so much as a sunburn. If this ending was what they planned from the start then they would have went all out, showing in graphic detail the horrors of a nuclear holocaust. How much of a gut-punch would it have been to see Nick Rye hug his wife and newborn daughter just before the skin is blasted off their bones like that scene in Terminator 2 that made me avoid mesh fences for two fucking years? Or Jess run one of her own arrows through her heart to spare herself an agonizing death? Or hell, Hurk, one of the few returning characters in Far Cry, desperately begging the player for help as his face melts off his skull? That would have hit players and hit players hard and people, myself included, wouldn’t be bitching about how out of nowhere and shit the ending is! And that’s to say nothing of the idea of North Korea wasting one of the handful of nukes they have on rural fucking Montana! Jesus H. Tap-dancing Christ, Ubisoft, how fucking stupid do you think we are!?

...okay, fair enough. But still!

Now I know what you’re probably thinking. “Well, damn, that’s grim. Anyway, what’s the good ending like?” 

That IS the good ending.

No, I’m not even kidding. Despite the end scenario being Doctor Strangelove by way of Deliverance (and no, that’s not me being snarky, the game references the movie by playing “We’ll Meet Again” during the final cutscene) that’s the good ending because you, the player, are still alive. The bad ending is that after you arrest Seed and see your friends and allies under the influence of Bliss, you’re given the option to let him go and walk away. You then then your Bliss-induced allies walk with Joseph peacefully into the church and then leave with the same three people, in which they get into a car and leave while chatting about getting the army involved and taking Seed out once and for all. One of them then turns on the radio, the song “Only You” plays, and a red haze takes over the screen just before the credits roll heavily implying that you succumbed to the brainwashing drug (which you’re exposed to several times in the game) and either attacked or killed the people you spent the time in the game trying to save. Either way, each ending renders your actions completely and utterly meaningless.

Why did they do this? Well, partially because the Far Cry writers really love the “There is no objective good or evil, everything and everyone is equally terrible” cliche and they assume everyone else does too, but once again I have no doubt in my mind that the ‘good’ ending wasn’t the original ending and was in fact a last-minute change to appease angry racists in order to not alienate what Ubisoft thinks is their core demographic. What a bucket of cocks.

Final Thoughts

Now despite the endings being complete and utter hot garbage that renders all your actions meaningless, there’s still plenty of fun to be had in Far Cry 5. The combat is satisfying, base jumping and flying around never gets old, the characters are great, and despite chickening out on the themes introduced it’s still a plenty serviceable story. It won’t be winning any awards anytime soon, and if you’re looking for some post-2016 return of the Nazis catharsis then I’d go with Wolfenstein II: the New Colossus instead, but there’s still plenty fun to be had exploring the beautiful wilds of Northwest America while gunning down religious nutjobs, hunting dangerous game, and completing side-quests from uprooting doomsday prepper bunkers to making a bull testicle cook-off to raise morale possible.

B-

A solid B-

[fergus-cousland]

let me come back to your hand (1/1)

Writing a self indulgent one shot using falconry as a metaphor/parallel/symbol of my Warden’s relationship with Alistair instead of working on my WiP or uni coursework? it’s more likely than you think

He is, in truth, an indifferent falconer. It’s a sport of princes and kings, Eamon says, to fly a hawk from the hand but, despite his title and gleaming crown, Alistair had been raised as neither and birds had always made him nervous. The first bird he’d handled had been Teagan’s merlin, small thing for his small hands, hooded and quiet as a kitten.

“Eamon always said you had to trust them to come back,” Alistair says, speaking into the dusty air of the empty mews, “Cailan never did. He picked hounds, every time.” He smiles, “Fereldan to his boots.”

Gwydion looks back at him, quiet in the liquid afternoon sun. Garrick’s claws scratch at the floor of the mews as the dog noses around, picking up the old scent of birds long gone, storing the place away as a safe haven for his master. Alistair had brought him down looking for Gwydion, knowing how his old companion tended to retreat into his feathers when he wanted to be alone.

“Dogs are more loyal,” Gwydion says, “And a hawk never loves its falconer.” He relaxes against the doorframe, long and lean and looking at home, “Do you need me, Alistair?”

“Oh, always,” Alistair says with a grin, “But I have something for you.”

He reaches into his pocket and draws out a glass phial hanging from a leather string. This close to Gwydion, the phylactery glows.

“How did you get that?” Gwydion asks, and his gloved fingers only brush it, as if he’s afraid of it.

“Pulled some strings. I used to be a Templar, remember?”

Alistair kneels and slides the phylactery under Gwydion’s heel. Gwydion doesn’t hesitate in pressing his whole weight down against the ground and the glass crunches as it shatters, blood spreading on the stone of the step, darkening in the cool air. Gwydion sighs and sways and his fingers settle in Alistair’s hair.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted that,” he says, and he grinds his heel down again, for good measure. Alistair grins up at him.

“I think I can guess,” he says, pulling himself upright, hands anchored on Gwydion’s narrow waist.

“The Chantry won’t like it.” Gwydion lifts his foot and the crushed glass glitters in the sun, much of it coloured with red, “That there is a mage here, living unfettered.”

“Damn the Chantry,” Alistair says, and the blasphemy tingles on his tongue, “You’re a Warden, and my best friend besides. I trust you. I don’t need to tie you down; I know you’ll come back.”

“If not to you, then no one.”

“Not even Zevran?”

Gwydion laughs then, and Alistair is shamefully still unused to the sound of it.

“Eventually Zevran,” he says, “For now, he’s the one who has to come back to me.”

He finds that he makes few choices that the whole court approves of. Some look at his choice of bird and cluck their tongues and mutter under their breaths that it’s no suitable choice for a king; others see and they laugh, because they see a kite as fitting. Scavenging, bastard bird for the scavenging, bastard prince. And beyond them, there’s those who don’t care, because birds are all the same to them.

Gwydion sits on a perch beside him, preening in the summer sun, one wing extended and showing off those white flight feathers. The sun gleams on the rust red of his back. He has no jesses and no bells, because Alistair’s not in the habit of binding his friends, not matter what shape they choose to take. He comes and goes as he pleases, forked tail angling so he can turn lazy circles overhead.

“Remarkable bird,” Empress Celene says, “You have him trained like a dog.”

“We’ve worked a lot together,” Alistair replies, “Travelled Ferelden together. He’s loyal to me, in his way.”

“And you to him, no doubt,” Celene says, voice honey sweet, and he knows that she sees him as quaint and rustic, far beneath her Val Royeaux sophistication.

Gwydion considers her with one grey eye. He’s dwarfed by Celene’s eagle; Alistair’s already seen the empress’s bird sizing him up, just as Gwydion sizes up Celene, and the horrible image of his chancellor being eaten by an Orlesian eagle flashes through his mind.

He stands and beckons to Gwydion, inviting the other to his hand. Gwydion lands on his gloved hand, accepts the meat he’s offered, and ignores Celene’s raised eyebrow and unimpressed huff. If a bird could smile, Alistair would swear Gwydion is.

Alistair knows when Zevran comes back because Gwydion pulls away from him, like the sea from the shore, drawn away by the moon. They see each other only for court matters, and Gwydion is tired and content and smells of night air. Zevran lingers in the court and everyone who doesn’t know him looks at him with suspicion, with fear, this strange elf with the strange magic he weaves on their court chancellor.

He hardly minds, not these days; playing the game alone is easier, now that he knows the rules, and if anyone needs a distraction, it’s Gwydion. Zevran’s more than happy to oblige.

Alistair retreats to his offices, sits at his desk with Garrick’s heavy head on his knee. His desk is littered with letters, and he notices that some of them are explicitly for Gwydion, pressed with the wax seal of the First Enchanter. Jowan lingers, always shadowing one of them, and Alistair keeps one ear turned to his enchanting, since he’s been known to lose himself in it. So they settle into a rhythm together, with Alistair reading and answering his letters and Jowan tapping away at his enchantment workbench. Jowan does everything in order and Alistair counts the hours by his routine, ticking down and away…

He’s woken by a cool hand on his face, familiar enough with Gwydion’s touch by now that he doesn’t flinch. He rubs at his face, ink coming off on his hand, and notices too late that Jowan is gone and the candle’s burning low.

“Thought you were with Zev,” he says, pushing away the ruined letter, “Jowan and I got things done.”

“So I see.” Gwydion picks up the letter from the Circle, “Who needs advisors, hmm?”

“We talked about all of these before.”

“I know.”

“Where is Zevran, anyway?”

“Talking to the kitchen staff. He’s trying to convince them on the finer points on Antivan cooking; apparently, Fereldan food is worse than paying penance.”

He breaks the seal on the Circle letter and Alistair watches his expression change as he reads, from his Zevran-induced contentment to a frustrated frown. He traces one of the scars on Gwydion’s forearm, uncovered for once and still dark despite its age.

“What do they want?” Alistair asks, and he finally stretches, popping the knot out of his back.

“Enchanter business. Because apparently saying no multiple times is not enough.”

“If you go, don’t go alone,” Alistair says, because he has a horrible image of Gwydion being locked away again, the idea making his stomach lurch after being together for so long, “Even if it’s just to get them off your back.”

“They couldn’t keep me, Alistair.”

There’s pride there, confidence that nothing the Circle could do could contain him, and Alistair’s known him long enough and seen enough to know it’s not unfounded.

But he’s also seen how even falcons can be trapped, thinks of the brand that still ties Jowan to the Circle and he bites back his worries because he’s certainly not Gwydion’s keeper.

Kirkwall’s chantry goes up in flames. Alistair spends much of the following week on tenterhooks, though Denerim’s clergy aren’t worried. No concern of theirs, the Grand Cleric says, what happens to her counterpart over the sea; Kirkwall is degenerate, on the verge of collapse for years, and the destruction of its chantry would only be the excuse the Divine needs to sanction flexing her muscle over the place. Alistair feels a sense of alarm at his Grand Cleric’s total lack of concern but, in truth, his twitchiness has little to do with chantries and Champions and mages who may have once been Grey Wardens.

It’s a relief when Teagan invites him out to Redcliffe.

“It’s how they are,” he says, when Alistair tells him about the Grand Cleric, “It’s all politics, just with a different uniform.”

Alistair skips stones across the surface of the lake, relieved to finally be alone with someone away from court. His mood is sour, despite the quiet of the woods and the lake, despite his uncle’s good company. Kirkwall and its Champion weigh on his mind, Gwydion’s absence heavier still.

“We’ll have to be ready to help people,” he says, “If people from Kirkwall need somewhere safe.”

Teagan makes a sound in the back of his throat, “Repayment for their own hospitality, surely.”

“We’ll show them how it’s done,” Alistair says, “Besides, I can’t in good conscious turn away people who need help, even if they’d have done the same to me.”

He steps out from the tree cover and immediately hears a whistling call overhead. A shadow passes and the red kite drops down, flying close before turning away sharply. Gwydion follows him across the meadow, wing beats deep and sweeping, careening through the air.

“Hello again,” he says, as Gwydion swoops past Teagan and comes to land on Alistair’s raised arm. He runs his free hand through Gwydion’s feathers, “It’s very nice to see you too.”

They argue, eventually. It starts between Teagan and Gwydion, over mages and refugees and what becomes of Redcliffe. Alistair bears it, because he understands them both; the mages are Gwydion’s people, as much as Redcliffe is Teagan’s, and both are Alistair’s subjects.

It’s the jab at Teagan that breaks Alistair’s patience; jab at Teagan and Isolde and Connor’s parentage. It cuts, because Alistair’s own parentage had been used as a bludgeon against him the same way. It ends with a shouting match and Gwydion leaving Denerim during the night, leaving to go to the mysterious west.

“You made a mistake, choosing the arl over him.”

“Don’t lecture me. You picked Orlais.”

Morrigan smiles, “‘Twas only an observation, Alistair, not a condemnation.”

Even a decade later, Alistair cannot trust that smile, sweet and barbed as it had always been; Leliana says Morrigan has changed, and it might be true for Leliana but he feels Morrigan enjoys needling him too much to soften around him. She watches him, officially on a mission from the Inquisition to plunder Gwydion’s library, and bursts a cherry between her teeth.

“Perhaps it is a good thing,” she says, “For both of you. Don’t pine so much; I never did.”

“And you don’t have any regrets for leaving without a word?”

Her smile shifts slightly and he can see her turning her thoughts over in her head, just as she turns his silver hawking bell over in her hands. She plucks the cherry stone from between her teeth and sets it neatly down in front of her, pressing it against the wood, before she looks at him again.

“I can never regret.”

Almost two years go by before they’re together again. Almost two years of a half empty throne, an empty place at Alistair’s right hand, and a hole in his life where Gwydion should be. He tries Gwydion’s methods, papering over it by engulfing himself entirely in court, but it doesn’t work as well for him.

He’s finishing up with his morning council when he’s told there’s someone waiting for him. Garrick follows him along the corridors, paws heavy on the floor; he must be curious, eager, to leave his post at Jowan’s side. He rounds the corner and through the doors to the great hall, skidding to a stop almost instantly.

Gwydion stands in a shaft of sunlight and he’s more worn now, exhausted by travel and his long search. He looks uncertain, of his place and of Alistair’s reaction. He opens his mouth to speak but Alistair’s already crossed the room and swept him up in a hug.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and he clings to Alistair, voice muffled by Alistair’s shoulder.

Alistair says nothing. He’s relieved that Gwydion’s back, that he’s safe and they’re together again. He rocks back slightly, lifting Gwydion off his feet.

“I’ll try and forgive you,” he says, “Hopeless mage.” He hoists Gwydion higher, and Gwydion clings to his shoulders, “I have a whole list of penitence. I knew you’d come back.”

“I didn’t know if you’d let me.”

“But you trusted me enough to try,” Alistair says. He sets Gwydion down again, “It’s so good to see you.”

He puts Gwydion to work on letters to Orlais, all in preparation for a council called to discuss the Inquisition. He watches Gwydion work, answers his questions about what’s happened in his absence, about the Inquisitor, and is grateful for Eamon’s enduring advice: trust them to come back.

[written-within-the-stars]

Trying to Live a Life – Solo by Harper

The cold air hit me in the face as I opened my car door and stepped outside. My mind going blank for a moment, and I question “What am I doing here?” quickly followed by “Is it too late to run and hide?”. I know what the answer is, I don’t need a degree to work it out. It really was too late for me to back down. Why you may ask. Because of the girl on the beach screaming my name and waving for me to come join her and her friends.

“Doc! You really came. I knew you would.” #Jessica turns to talk with another girl next to her and continues. “I told you she would come. She is amazing like that.” Her smile is contagious, and I still haven’t worked out where she gets her energy from.

I couldn’t help but smile towards them, pocketing my hands as my steps took me closer to her. Carefully placing my feet on the pebbles covering the ground where I was expecting to see sand. The wind picking up a little and blowing my hair back out of my face, and I can feel my nose and cheeks changing colour with the cold.

“Hey Jessica, Yes I am here as promised.” Nodding my head as a “Hello” towards everyone who all are looking towards me.

“Hey, everyone this is Doc, and she is my boss, and she is the one who..” I cut #Jessica off before she could keep on talking.

“My name is Harper, and it’s nice to meet you all.”. They all welcome me, everyone talking over one another, and I know recalling and remembering the names isn’t going to be easy for me, so in my mind I am giving them all nicknames.

All the boys and girls were the same age as #Jessica, some maybe a year or so older. It is true to say I stand here feeling like the kinder garden teacher to these twenty somethings. I know I could here #Jenna and #Kenz in my mind saying, “We aren’t that much older than these guys. 5 or 6 years doesn’t make us their teachers!” But what can I say?

I’ve been in town for so long now, however this is the first time I’ve made it to the beach. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I don’t like the water. However, between trying to get the practice up and running, trying to find my feet in a new town, trying to meet up with work and making sure we are where we need to be. I’ve just not had the time for a “life” per say.

Working has been the best distraction I could ask for, from the moment my eyes open in the morning. To the moment I fall face first into my bed, it keeps me happily occupied.

Footsteps coming up behind me shake me out of my daydream, it is a voice I know and when the person comes into sight, I cannot help but feel relief. “Charlie? What are you doing here?”

The question escaping my lips before I could stop myself. It is a public beach we are standing on, and he has the right to be here. What kind of a question am I asking this man?

“Hey Doc” He waves putting his board down on the ground and shaking his bag off his back. “Jess said you were coming down to the beach today and asked if I wanted to join you all. You don’t mind me being, here do you?”

I knew #Charlie from the bar in town, he is the bartender there and one of the first people I got to know here. He is in his early thirties or late twenties, we never really talked about our ages. But I am glad that someone is here who doesn’t look like my student.

“Why wouldn’t I want you to be here? It’s a beach, everyone is welcome to the party.” There is no party, I am rambling to stop my teeth from chattering too loud.

“Great” he says before greeting everyone else.

I stand back, watching them all talk, laugh and joke about some inside jokes. Jokes I’m not a part of being the outsider here. They pull me into the conversation, asking me about my time back home, how I am settling into town and then one by one everyone started talking about the waves.

One boy pointing out and saying “Wow, did you see that backwash? We need to get out there before we miss all the fun.” Others looking to the sea and nodding their heads in anticipation when the next wave comes crashing in.

Another guy starts to remove his jacket, and this is when I noted they are all wearing wetsuits. Were they all mad? Were they really going to go swimming, no surfing in this water? The shock on my face must have been evident, because the next thing to bring me back is the laughter of #Charlie.

“Doc, you best have a swimmer on under all that.” He is pointing to my clothes. My eyes following his glance down to myself and I freeze, because the truth is I do have on a two piece under my clothes, however when I got out of my car when I arrived here, the cold made me forget all about it.

“I am not going swimming in that water.”. Nodding my head back now that I am facing him with the sea behind me. “I do not have a death wish thank you.”

He laughs again, his hands moving to remove his shirt and pull up his body suit. Before he leans down and opens the bag on the ground. “Well that’s good, coz I don’t have a death wish here today also. And we aren’t going to “swim”. I’m going to help you surf.”

I can only imagine the look on my face, because he is roaring with laughter once again.

“I don’t think it is funny. I have no plans to die today. Thank you, but no thank you.” I step back away from him.

He holds out the suit to me. “I think this should be the right size, I had to go by eye for you. I borrowed it from my friend’s sister. She said it was ok for you to use it.” It felt as if he hadn’t heard a word I said.

“Listen Doc, this is going to be fun. I’m not expecting you to catch any waves, but you never know. You may have a good time today?”

Slowly I take the suit from him, screams and laughter filling the sea behind me. What did I have to lose by trying this out anyway? The voice in my head loud and clear shouting to me. ‘Oh, your fingers and all your toes maybe? Nothing more. It’s not like they won’t grow back again. Oh. Wait. THEY WILL NOT GROW BACK AGAIN!’ I push the voice down and block it out. Starting to undress, before pulling the wetsuit up over my legs and jumping in the spot until it was on. Surprised it did fit me perfectly, I let #Charlie help me zip it up.

“Come on then, let’s do this before I chicken out. We only live once right?”

The voice in my head whispering ‘Yeah. And. We Only Die Once Too!’

Time moves fast when you are having fun, not sure I’d call freezing in the sea being hit by the waves ‘fun’ myself. However, the energy is contagious from everyone I am sharing the experience with.

This time is allowing me to build new friendships, to learn about a new culture, to learn a new sport I never saw myself taking part in. It is all in all, becoming to be a good weekend.

Walking myself out of the water and up the beach, my body shaking again now with me out of the sea and in the open area. I’m glad to see someone has been busy building a fire. It’s orange light flicking and inviting everyone to sit around it to warm up after we change into some dry clothes.

The energy has changed now, from all the excitement and loudness I witnessed at the start of the day. To a much calmer and tranquil time. My eyes wondering around the circle, watching people talking and interacting with one another. It makes me smile, it reminds me of my friends back home and how we used to sit like this by the lake.

‘A dollar for your thoughts?’ I smile seeing a camping mug full of hot coffee being held up before me as #Charlie takes a seat next to me. ‘I hope you don’t mind me breaking your peace like this Doc?’ His voice is soft, and yet it is a little raspy. And I know I am the reason for it. He’d spent the day shouting over the sea, trying to tell me what to do, how to move, what not to do. And still for all his hard work I only stood up on the board twice.

“Keep bringing me gifts like this hot coffee and you can take all my peace”. I smile taking the mug from him and watch him make himself comfortable beside me.

‘You did really well today Doc, all you need is a little more time and you’ll get the hang of it.’ Now I know he is lying here.

“Charlie, I was terrible today! And you know it. Let us just cut our loss here and I should move on to find something else to do to pass my free time.” We both laugh and he tilts his head to the side a little. But before he said anything, it is as if he thought better of it.

‘Ok, you may have a small point, but I’m happy to teach you if you really want to learn.’ I shake my finger to say no, taking a small sip from the mug.

“Please don’t misunderstand me, I really have had a fun day today. However, I am no “surffer chick” and I’m fine with that.” One thing with me, I know when I am beat. And today the water won, and Harper lost.

Pushing my wet hair back out of my face, I lean forward into the fire some more. My body starting to feel a little normal once again.

“Charlie, may I ask you something?” the words took him by surprise after the silence had fallen between us. He gestures for me to go ahead. “Could you stop calling me “Doc” and Just call me Harper or Harps? It’s what my friends call me. And after a day of your keeping me alive out there” My chin moved to the direction of the sea. “I feel like we are friends, right?”

He laughs, I didn’t know what he was expecting for me to say or ask but this wasn’t it.

“Sure Doc..” He stops and corrects himself. “Sorry, Sure Harps. I sure hope we are friends.” Leaning into me his shoulder nudges mine and we both laugh. “My Boyfriend is going to be shocked when I tell him. He always says I don’t make friends too easy.”

This makes me burst out laughing. “Charlie!” My voice a little high. “You work behind a bar. Isn’t being friendly and easy to talk to one of the key roles in that job?” My eyebrows raise as I ask him the question. And I like the way he laughs hard before saying a word.

“You would think, so right? But Na, as long as you keep the glasses full, and your head down. No one cares.” With this it seems what little walls we both have between one another come tumbling down. We start to talk as if we have been friends for years, as if we have spent hours, days and weeks in the others company. And yet this man is so new to me.

He starts to tell me all about his work and life, His boyfriend and how the two met. How they’d been together for 3 years. And how his life was just how he wanted it to be.

I listen, taking in the words and the stories he shares, and it occurs to me that we really where alike in a lot of ways. Then again, we were so different in other ways. My mind has always been unable to work out people. Sure, we meet people in the street. We smile, we may say hello. However, what is it in him and I that has us sitting here laughing and joking, and with him sharing the story of his life so far with me? The answer? I don’t know.

Sometimes when the stars align good things happen to us. Maybe the move here has been good for me.

Only time will tell.