#Jim gordon radiates this energy

[frownyalfred]

I feel like Jim Gordon just radiates such quiet, competent serenity that Bruce Wayne keeps breaking into his office/house at random points in the night/day to bang his head against the wall and soak up some of Jim’s patience.

“The family again?” Jim asks, looking up from his paperwork after thirty minutes of silence.

“Fucking snowboarding,” Bruce Wayne moans into his drywall.

They both know he isn’t really talking about snowboarding.

[jeromevalseka]

every single woman on gotham that jim gordon was involved with was, without exception, sapphic. with that in mind i would propose that wlw are attracted to jim for two main reasons:

1. he radiates huge himbo energy and

2. he let all of them peg him

[jupitermelichios]

PSA: Gotham City Garage is amazing and you should read it

It’s a digital-only comic coming out weekly from DC at the moment which looks to be wrapping up fairly soon, though the fact that it’s made it’s full run almost certainly means there’ll be a collected trade paperback out as soon as it does.

Basically it’s what you would get if Mad Max: Fury Road and the DC universe were both strapped to superbikes and driven into one another at top speed, and the stellar writing team of Kelly and Lanzing picked the shinest bits out of the wreckage to make a comic out of.

Our basic set-up is that about twenty-thirty years after an unspecific apocolypse known only at the WorldBurn (which a few humans survived, thanks to Mr Miracle’s intervention) the Western USA is an inhospitable desert known as the Freescape, populated by outlaw biker gangs, rebel journalists and sentient canyons. The one place that looks like society as we’d recognise it is the Garden - a city encased inside a massive energy dome, built on the ruins of Gotham and ruled over by Lex Luthor, who enforces his will with the help of mind-controlling brain implants known as ride-alongs.

Kara Gordan is the daughter of Jim Gordon and younger sister of Barbara. She’s pretty happy with her life in the Garden until the night it all goes wrong and she’s forced to flee to the Freescape, where she’s exposed to yellow sun radiation for the first time. She knows that her newly-discovered super-powers mean that she isn’t human, but she doesn’t know what she might be instead and she has no idea of the extent of her powers. Fortunately for her, the women of the Gotham City Garage (bike repair shop, speakeasy and beacon of hope for the Freescape) pick her up and take her under their collective wing.

(That’s Big Barda, who leads the GCG’s resident gang, while Steel aka Natasha Irons runs the Garage itself).

The story is everything you could want from a superhero x post-apocalypse sci-fi x coming of age story mash-up, the characters are great, the writing is great, the representation could be better in terms of race but it’s clear the writers are trying their best with what the DCU has to offer and it’s basically an all-female cast... Honestly the only criticism I have is that some of the guest artists aren’t amazing, but it’s never unreadable and the character designs are magnificent. To give you an idea, this is the obligatory sexy Harley tie-in pin-up statue they released:

As anyone who’s been in a comic-book/nerd-ephemera store lately will tell you, Harley getting that many clothes and a non-suggestive pose in a statue is basically unheard of. Even fully-dressed animated series Harley is always sticking her arse in the air.

Apart from Catwoman’s rather questionable costume choices, a few bared mid-riffs is the closest to fanservice the book ever gets, and I have no idea why DC is paying for something that’s so far outside their wheelhouse, but it’s a fucking delight and everyone should be reading it!

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Samantha and her girlfriend watch Gotham Season Three! :D

TIME FOR US TO FURTHER DESCEND INTO THE NONSENSE OF GOTHAM

As this week!

Bruce Wayne briefly makes a semi-sensible life choice!

Oswald Cobblepott channels his inner Gaston and decides he’s always wanted to lead a mob with pitchforks and torches

Fish Mooney is kinkshamed once again

And we become convinced Jim Gordon radiates a Horrible Energy Field that makes women make poor decisions

Me: It’s time for BURN THE WITCH

My Girlfriend: Please tell me someone is actually going to say that in this episode

Me: You joke but I think there’s a good chance they will

After a recap of last weeks episode, Bruce finds himself in a room with a bag over his head, only to have it yanked off and Masked Dude standing there…

Me: “HOLY SHIT I’VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY KATO”

My Girlfriend: “I’m in the lair of the Crazy 88’s, for the love of god save me Uma Thurman”

“Bruce

You wanted to talk”

Me: “I also didn’t want to be abducted from my home with a bag over my head”

The Owl Woman is there and she chuckles as she removes her mask, letting Bruce get a good look at her face

Me: WHY EVEN WEAR THE MASK AT ALL

If she’s just gonna take it off

My Girlfriend: The owl is her fursona

Bruce is shocked to see the woman’s face, declaring that he’s seen her at Wayne enterprises events and that she’s been in his house

Me: Bruce can’t believe a dangerous murderer has been in his home!

Other than Alfred, I mean

My Girlfriend: When your abducting someone who knows you, it’s always a great idea to let them get a good look at your face

Me: If only she had some kind of MASK she could be wearing right now

My Girlfriend: Possibly an owl themed one

So Owl Woman, whose name is actually Kathryn but we’re calling her Owl Woman, explains that she represents the group that Bruce wanted to speak to

Me: He can’t believe someone on the Wayne Enterprises board is part of the Court of Owls!

EVEN THOUGH HE SAID LAST EPISODE HE KNEW SOMEONE ON THE BOARD WAS PART OF THE COURT OF OWLS

My Girlfriend: Continuity what even is continuity

Bruce is mad that she hurt Alfred but she insists it was necessary because she doesn’t think that Alfred would have let them meet alone otherwise

My Girlfriend: “I thought violence would be the best solution”

Me: “It’s how everyone on this show solves problems”

“You tried to kill me

You hired Hugo Strange!”

“Is that why you’re here Bruce?”

Me: YES

YES IT IS HE TOLD YOU THAT AS WELL

My Girlfriend: Does everyone on this show have no short term memory?

Me: Would explain a LOT

“Who are you

What do you call yourselves”

“Our name is unimportant”

Me: I thought it was the Court of Owls

My Girlfriend: “And what do you want with me, Ms Une Important”

Me: They’re just the servants of their master

Mr Moss Important

Owl Woman wants to know about the evidence that Bruce claims to have found but he reveals he never had ANY evidence…he was just bluffing to get to meet them!

She looks impressed by this

My Girlfriend: “Outsmarted by a twelve year old

Well this isn’t at all humiliating”

Me: It’s nice to know that a shadowy cult of super powerful uber rich criminal masterminds can be tricked by a child and his violent cockney butler

Bruce says that the more he looked into what his company was doing the more he became certain that the Court of Owls had to exist

Me: I don’t know, I mean plenty of companies do plenty of evil things WITHOUT a cult of owl fetishists in charge of them

Coca Cola employed death squads for gods sake

My Girlfriend: It would be strangely comforting if all the evil that corporations do could just be blamed on one creepy old woman with a fixation on birds

Owl Woman hints pretty heavily that she could just kill Bruce so he…starts talking about how he wanted to solve his parents murder

Me: Just going to respond to a threat with a non sequitir

My Girlfriend: he’s hoping if he can just keep talking circles around her maybe Alfred will show up and kill everyone, that’s how these things usually go

Owl Woman asks if Bruce still thinks that they had his parents killed and he tells her he does but that he now has “Other considerations”

“Such as your life”

Me: “YES I NEED THAT”

“The lives of those close to you”

My Girlfriend: LIKE WHO

This kid has spoken to like maybe TWO other people in the course of three seasons that weren’t threatening to murder him

Me: “What would you do without your terrifying violent butler”

Owl Woman correctly concludes that Bruce is here to make a deal and asks what he has to offer

Me: Well, she has to pick between these twenty identical red boxes

My Girlfriend: Or she could take the bankers offer when he calls in a minute

Bruce offers her Wayne enterprises but she says that he cannot offer “What we already possess”

Me: That’s why he’s so bad at giving birthday presents

Bruce warns her that if anything happens to him then everything will be turned over to the federal government who he’s certain will investigate the Court and Wayne Enterprises

My Girlfriend: “LET ME LIVE OR I HAND OVER YOUR TAX RETURNS”

Me: TOPICAL

Owl Woman is convinced that the Court would be fine in the end but Bruce counters that “The Wayne name still has meaning”

Me: It means “Don’t walk down a dark alley with your wife wearing her most expensive pearls you idiot”

My Girlfriend: TOO SOON KITTEN

Bruce claims that it’s a beacon of light and hope to Gothamites and that he could prove a “Useful distraction” for the Court

My Girlfriend: Nothing says light and hope like a dead eyed Child of the Corn who makes explosives in his spare time

Me: If Bruce Wayne is a beacon of light and hope to this city then Gotham is worse off than I thought it was

Owl Woman insists that Bruce must also stop all investigations into the groups existence and his parents murder

Me: Um

HE ALREADY KNOWS YOU EXIST

Your sitting

RIGHT THERE

My Girlfriend: And you pretty much admitted to killing his parents

Me: “You must cease all investigation into the things you already know for a fact”

Owl Woman adds that if Bruce keeps looking into them then she is going to Murder the Hell out of him and says that she needs his answer right away

Bruce takes a long pause…

Me: “I said right away not after a minute of staring moodily at nothing”

My Girlfriend: Maybe hurry it up here Bruce

Bruce agrees and Owl Woman tells him that they won’t see each other again…

Me: “This is all the screentime we’re getting together”

My Girlfriend: “Seems like a lazy way to wrap up this subplot I know…”

Right before Kato Dude shoves a rag in Bruce’s face knocking him out

My Girlfriend: “HEY KID DOES THIS SMELL LIKE CHLOROFORM TO YOU”

Me: “WHY DID YOU DO THAT

HE’D AGREED TO LEAVE PEACEFULLY”

My Girlfriend: “I just really like chloroforming people”

One title card later, we cut to the home of Jim Gordon where a knock on the door leads to him being greeted…by Valerie Vale!

“Morning

Surprised to see me?”

Me: “YES

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE”

Valerie says that she has a proposition for Gordon….

My Girlfriend: “No really how do you know where I live”

Me: “HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING ME”

Jim tries to turn down her offer but she says that it’s a way for him to say “I’m sorry for handcuffing you to a car door”

My Girlfriend: If only they made Hallmark cards for stuff like that

“Except I’m not”

Me: Nice to know that Jim Gordon is still just…HORRIBLE

My Girlfriend: He’s working hard to establish himself as a complete shitbag at the start of every episode now, not springing it on us later

Jim lets Valerie into his home and she reacts in horror to the pig-sty in which he lives, asking “You don’t bring women here do you?”

My Girlfriend: No woman with any sense is going to go anywhere alone with Jim Gordon

Me: You’d be safer hitchhiking through Texas than going back to Jim Gordon’s apartment

Valerie says that she’s able to help Jim get Fish Mooney and claim the bounty on her head that Penguin placed

Me: WHY exactly is she so intent on helping this guy?

My Girlfriend: She’s his Manic Pixie Dream Girl here to fix his life for him

Me: Unfortunately Gordon is an Angry Troll Nightmare Man and wants nothing to do with it

“oooo see now you’re thinking…a million dollars could buy me a LOT OF SCOTCH”

Me: “My god it’s like your reading my thoughts”

My Girlfriend: “Now your thinking…how did I KNOW what you were thinking?”

Valerie also suggests that when he’s rich he maybe thinks about hiring a maid or “Firebombing this place”

My Girlfriend: Apparently both of those options are easier than him just cleaning up after himself instead of living like an animal

Me: Don’t be silly Rebecca, a MAN can’t clean and tidy!

Nope, better to just burn everything to the ground

My Girlfriend: Right, what was I thinking

Jim wants to know what Valerie gets out of this and is disbelieving when she says that all she wants is a good story

“It shocks you that I love my job and I want to be good at it?”

My Girlfriend: Both those statements are completely alien and surreal to Jim Gordon

Me: The thought of someone actually wanting to be professional and enjoying what they do never once entered into his head

My Girlfriend: To be fair this is probably the first time he’s met ANYONE who thinks like that

Me: He used to work with Harvey Bullock

This is DEFINITELY the first time he’s met anyone who thinks like that

Gordon suggests that Valerie could just try and catch Fish herself and doesn’t understand why she’d try and help him and Valerie claims that it’s because she’s “A bigger person” than he is

My Girlfriend: “Also, I’m a fuckin REPORTER so I’m not able to run around apprehending superpowered criminal masterminds”

Me: Why WOULD an unarmed journalist with no combat experience whatsoever ask for the help of a well armed, violent bounty hunter with armed and unarmed fight training in hunting a criminal?

IT’S A REAL MYSTERY

My Girlfriend: Next Jim Gordon’s going to start going up to hospital patients and demand to know why they wanted the help of doctors and surgeons instead of just treating their terminal illness or life threatening injuries at home

Valerie also admits that she can’t find Fish on her own and Jim laughs that she lost touch with her source

Me: From the amount of liquor he’s pouring into that cup, Jim has never lost touch with his sauce

My Girlfriend: ????

Me: it’ll look funnier written down, honest

Valerie insists that she hasn’t LOST her source but rather that she hasn’t been in touch with her and that she always used to find her

My Girlfriend: She’s remarkably blasé about the fact she was being stalked by a street urchin

Me: it’s Gotham…that’s the LEAST weird thing you can get stalked by on this show

Valerie accuses Jim of being lazy

Me: “Stop sitting around and start hurting people”

My Girlfriend: “When are you going to get out there and start hunting people for money like normal people do”

And adds that Jim should be able to do this for her “It’s your job right? You’re a BOUNTY HUNTER”

Me: Are they terrified that we’re going to FORGET that he’s a bounty hunter?

My Girlfriend: “You’re a bounty hunter!

And I’m a reporter

And Fish Mooney is a former mob boss given super powers by a mad scientist”

Valerie asks if they have a deal but insists on “No handcuffing this time”

Me: “I’m setting some hard limits here”

My Girlfriend: If she’s going to let anyone handcuff her it’s not going to be Jim Gordon

Me: SHE CAN DO BETTER

Jim wants to know who her source is and Valerie says that she’s a “Street kid” who “has style”

Jim makes the best face

My Girlfriend: He already knows who it is isn’t it

Me: “OH JESUS I’M GOING TO END UP WORKING WITH WEIRD HOMICIDAL CHILDREN AGAIN”

My Girlfriend: You can see in his eyes he’s wondering if his life will ever have any trace of normalacy again

And yep, Valerie tells him that it’s Selina and Jim admits that they’ve met each other a few times

Me: “All of them nonsensical and horrible”

Valerie says that as Jim’s met her before then he must know where she lives

Me: She’s REALLY not getting the whole “Homeless” thing is she?

My Girlfriend: “Can you tell me the fixed abode where this homeless street kid lives”

Jim says that he might know who WOULD know how to find her…and we cut to…

Me: OH JESUS NO

My Girlfriend: Oh goody

I was HOPING we’d get to see one of the only queer women forget that her girlfriend exists so she can eye-hump Jim Gordon’s leg again

Yep, they go over to Barbara’s club and things pretty quickly get Terrifying and Awkward as she greets Jim with a happy “OH…MY…GOD”

Me: The part of Barbara Gordon will now be played by Janis

My Girlfriend: The One Where Jim Gordon Meets Up With his Homicidal Ex-Fiance In her Supervillain Club

Me: The One Where Gotham Further Embraces Biphobic Stereotypes

“Hello Barbara”

“Hello Barbara?

Is that all I get?”

Me: “You also got that restraining order”

Jim asks how things are doing and Barbara boasts about her club

My Girlfriend: “Just last night we had not one but THREE members of the Russian mafia try and murder us in it!”

Me: “We regularly let in homicidal penguin men and homeless children, we’re probably gonna be closed down soon”

My Girlfriend: “other than that it’s going great”

Barbara asks about Leslie and when Jim admits that they’re not together Barbara feigns shock, saying that she thought Jim would have “Chased her down” and “Put a ring on it”

Me: IF HE LIKED IT THEN HE SHOULD HAVE PUT A RING ON IT

My Girlfriend: Don’t taint Beyonce by associating anything she’s done with this show

Me: I’m sorry babe

My Girlfriend: It’s Beyonce you need to apologise to

Valerie makes the most AWKWARD FACE EVER and says that she “Feels like she walked into something”

“’CAUSE YA DID”

Me: Barbara’s smile here is genuinely terrifying me

My Girlfriend: From the look on her face it’s genuinely terrifying Valerie as well

Me: Though honestly, I’m guessing this is exactly what she imagined one of Jim Gordon’s ex-girlfriends would be like

Barbara asks who Valerie is and when she explains how she and Jim are working together Barbara asks if they’re dating…leading Valerie to VERY QUICKLY answer no

My Girlfriend: The thought of her and Jim together is NOTP for her

Me: THE THOUGHT OF JIM GORDON WITH ANYONE IS NOTP

My Girlfriend: She looks genuinely repulsed at the mere suggestion of it

Me: “Never imply that I have let this fuckboy touch me ever again”

Barbara declares that she and Jim were engaged “Until I broke things oooofffff” while seeming to attempt her best Mae West impression

My Girlfriend: WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT LIKE IT’S SEXY

That’s not sexy

No part of that sentence is sexy

Me: You have to remember hon that as a bisexual she has to sexualise every single word that comes out of her mouth

Everything we do has to be Sexy and be about Sexy Sex at all Sexy Times

Jim tries to change the subject but Valerie says that she remembers now about how Barbara kidnapped Jim and held him hostage at a church

Me: You’d honestly think it would be PRETTY HARD to forget that news story

My Girlfriend: The photographs of all the dead Murder Gimps being hauled out on stretchers painted a pretty unforgettable picture

Me: I’d say “It’s not every day that happens” but this is Gotham so maybe someone being abducted and forced into a shotgun wedding by crime lords IS every day

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Arkham?”

“I was

But it turns out I’m totally sane

Got a piece of paper to prove it”

My Girlfriend: WELL I’M CONVINCED

Me: I had some concerns but as long as she has a piece of paper saying she’s not criminally insane then we’re all good

“Yeah…signed by Hugo Strange”

My Girlfriend: is he questioning the psychiatric credentials of the man who created a shape shifting octopus man

Me: SLANDER

Jim again asks after Selina and Barbara says that she’ll tell him…in return for a kiss

Me: WHAT IS IT

About Jim Gordon

That is apparently so irresistible?

My Girlfriend: It’s because he is a Maverick Cop who Does Not Play By The Rules

Valerie asks if Barbara is serious and then tells Jim to just do it already

Me: “I’ll kiss her if you won’t

Seriously have you looked at her?

SMOOCH HER”

My Girlfriend: Valerie cannot understand why anyone would be reluctant to make out with Barbara Kean

And I share her confusion

Me: Valerie should really ask Barbara if that offer is open to her as well

Jim however refuses and starts to walk off…but Barbara proceeds to tell him some places where he could look for Selina anyway

Me: She really doesn’t get how this whole “Bribery” thing works

My Girlfriend: “Give me a kiss and I’ll tell you”

Me: “I won’t kiss you”

My Girlfriend: “okay I’ll tell you anyway”

As Jim starts to leave AGAIN Barbara tells him that she had a dream about him last night…

Me: “Barbara please stop talking”

My Girlfriend: “I really REALLY do not want to know anymore please”

“You were in this giant accident

And you lost both your legs

And I had to push you around in a Giant Baby Carriage”

“O.O;

…..

……….

Good seeing you Barbara”

Me and My Girlfrind: ….

(HORSE LAUGHTER)

Me: WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT SCENE

My Girlfriend: Kitten I have a very important question

What the FUCK are we watching right now

Me: This show is genuinely just a comedy at this point

My Girlfriend: It’s Always Sunny in Gotham

Me: I love how Valerie is just kind of…standing WAY back like “What the hell have I walked into here”

So Valerie and Jim have a little stroll as she asks him if he thinks that the tip about where Fish is hiding is true

My Girlfriend: Really?

THAT’S the only question on her mind

After what she just saw

Me: She has other questions but she doesn’t want answers to them

Jim says that he thinks it is and Valerie proceeds to tell him that she’s going to tip off the GCPD so they take in Fish and Jim gets nothing

My Girlfriend: I am liking her more and more

Me: her undisguised loathing for Jim Gordon makes my heart smile

Valerie gets in her car, locks the doors and tells Jim that this is what he gets for handcuffing her to the car the other day

My Girlfriend: Jim Gordon continues to be shocked that sometimes his actions have consequences

Me: He’s a cishet white cop, he’s not used to it

“And you know what?

I LIKE YOUR EX”

Me: Now when she says LIKE….

My Girlfriend: She is totally going back to that club to flirt with Barbara later

Me: She can put aside the weird baby carriage dreams and the history of kidnapping and assault when it’s a hot blonde in a sparkly dress who makes fuck-me-eyes at everything 24/7

My Girlfriend: Who can blame her

So while Jim is left to hopefully think on his life choices, we cut to the Gotham waterfront where Ivy has washed up…looking a LITTLE bit different…

My Girlfriend: what the shit….

Me: So yeah true story

They MAGICALLY AGED HER UP

Just so they could start using her for fanservice purposes

My Girlfriend: NO

Me: Despite her still being the same age she used to be in her head

My Girlfriend: NO

Me: And they’re planning to have her be weird with Bruce

My Girlfriend: I DON’T WANT ANY OF THIS

So Ivy staggers over to a truck and sees her reflection, looking very confused

Me: “I’m sure I used to be played by a different actress”

And a Creepy truck Driver comes to talk to her

My Girlfriend: (DISTRESSED CAT NOISES)

Me: (EVEN MORE DISTRESSED CAT NOISES)

My Girlfriend: no no no I do not like anything about this no

He offers to take Ivy back to his house when she says that she’s thirsty

Me: I AM RIDING A NOPETOPUS AWAY FROM THIS SCENE

My Girlfriend: Ivy please do not go back to this strange truck drivers house he LURKS BY THE GOTHAM WATERFRONT he is not a good guy

He asks her her name and she remembers that her name is “Ivy”

And the music gets Super Dramatic

Me: See this is obviously meant to be the start of her Supervillain Origin

Except the show ALREADY NAMED HER CHARACTER Ivy Pepper, apparently because they think we’re all too lazy to google who Pamela Isley is in the comics

My Girlfriend: This is the same show that nicknamed Selina Kyle “Cat” remember

Me: I’m amazed they didn’t change Bruce’s last name to Atman

My Girlfriend: Or re-named Oswald Mr Penn Guin

Me: So yeah, Ivy announcing that her name is Ivy…REALLY doesn’t deserve that dramatic music sting

Like, that’s not her adopting her supervillain moniker Ivy is actually JUST HER REAL NAME

We cut to where the GCPD are swarming around Fish’s Possible Hide out

My Girlfriend: WOOP WOOP

THAT THE SOUND OF THE POLICE

Valerie Vale is also there and Bullock tells her as he gets out of his squad car that he wants to know where she got that tip

My Girlfriend: I’d think he’d be more worried about getting an unarmed civilian AWAY from a stand off with a criminal mastermind and her superpowered monsters

Me: You’d think it would be a priority but no

Valerie however tells Bullock that she can’t reveal her sources

Me: “Mainly because they’re so ridiculous you would laugh”

My Girlfriend: She felt like if she told them she got her information from a thirteen year old girl and Gordon’s homicidal ex-girlfriend they MIGHT not take it seriously

Valerie also mentions a “Deal” and Bullock reassures her that when Fish has been arrested “You get first crack at her”

Me: Unlike CONVENTIONAL police forces where you’d expect an officer of the law to interrogate a wanted criminal, the GCPD are instead going to let a reporter for a local newspaper handle that

My Girlfriend: Well it’s less work for them this way

Me: That’s the “Can’t someone else do it” spirit that’s made the GCPD what it is today!

Bullock tells the officers assembled that they “Don’t know what’s in there”

My Girlfriend: If only Fish were hiding out in a bar or a strip club

Me: Bullock would know the lay out of that place like the back of his hand if she were

He tells them to be careful and to look out for Ethel Peabody, stressing what an important witness she is

Me: Sure is a good thing she wasn’t needlessly and graphically killed off last episode

My Girlfriend: That would mean all of this effort was pretty much for nothing

Me: And that would be AWFUL

And Bullock finishes his Rousing Speech by declaring that they’re going to “Put an end to this thing”

Me: There’s still like thirty minutes in the run time of this episode, I wouldn’t count on it

My Girlfriend: “LET’S PUT THIS EPISODES PLOT OUT OF OUR MISERY”

The cops charge in the building to find Fish and the others…just kind of standing around?

Me: Sure is convenient they all gathered in one place to just stand there doing nothing until they arrived

My Girlfriend: It’s their regular Friday night “Let’s all stand quietly in a semi-circle” night

Me: And now the GCPD have RUINED it

Bullock loudly declares that they’re the GCPD and tells them not to move….

Me: THEY CAN SEE WHO YOU ARE BULLOCK

My Girlfriend: I feel like Donal Logue missed his cue for that line

Me: “We did eighteen takes…and THAT was the best one”

At first it looks like Fish and the others will surrender…and then they just START RUNNING IN EVERY DIRECTION AND SCREAMING AT PEOPLE

Me: Ahhhhh the good old “Charge violently at everything and yell a whole lot while mindless whacking and smacking everyone you see” strategy

My Girlfriend: OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK

As Fish ducks out a woman with electric powers fries several of the Gotham cops

My Girlfriend: WHAT A SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS

Me: She has a SPARKY PERSONALITY

But the GCPD quickly overwhelm the Indian Hill escapees in…pretty horrifyingly brutal fashion actually

My Girlfriend: JESUS THIS IS A BIT MUCH

Me: I’m PRETTY sure this meets every legal standard of police brutality

My Girlfriend: If this is how the rest of the GCPD act no wonder they think Jim Gordon is the most decent one of the lot

Me: If your standards are low enough ANYONE can be the best person you know

Oh and then someone with Acid Hands literally MELTS A COPS HANDS TO NOTHING as Bullock just casually yells to get a medic

Me: HE DOESN’T NEED A MEDIC HE NEEDS A HEARSE

My Girlfriend: HIS HANDS JUST GOT MELTED TO GOO BULLOCK

THAT GUY IS FUCKIN DEAD

Me: “Someone get me a doctor who knows how to treat Acid Hand Injuries”

So with another pointlessly violent scene where nothing is accomplished behind us we cut to where Oswald Cobblepot is angrily talking to the media about how he tried to warn the police of the danger posed by “Hugo Strange’s freaks” and “That murderer Fish Mooney”

Me: As opposed to the danger posed by that freak and murderer Oswald Cobblepott

My Girlfriend: He shoved an umbrella down a mans throat for fun, in what world does he think he’s NOT a “Freak”

Me: Look he might have killed his siblings and fed them to his step mother but they LOOK KIND OF WEIRD

Oswald declares that the GCPD claimed that “Fish Mooney wasn’t real”

Me: I don’t think anyone was trying to claim that Fish Mooney DIDN’T EXIST, Oswald

My Girlfriend: Everyone knew she existed

She was a well known figure in Gotham

There were records of her birth and everything

Me: CLAP YOUR HANDS IF YOU BELIEVE IN FISH MOONEY

My Girlfriend: I hear if your good all year and leave out a glass of milk, Fish Mooney comes into your home of December 24th and has someone murder you with their magic hands

Me: That’s actually terrifying don’t say that

Oswald goes into full on Disney Villain Mode at this point and starts ranting about how the Indian Hill escapees are “monsters”

My Girlfriend: THEY’RE NOT LIKE YOU AND ME

WHICH MEANS THEY MUST BE EVIL

Me: NOW WE SOUND THE DRUMS OF WAR

“OUR CITY IS BEING INVADED BY MONSTERS!”

My Girlfriend: DIRTY SHRIEKING DEVILS

Me: THEY’RE DIFFERENT FROM US

WHICH MEANS THEY CAN’T BE TRUSTED

My Girlfriend: FIRST WE DEAL WITH THIS ONE

THEN WE SOUND THE DRUMS OF WAR

“IT IS UP TO US!

TO YOU!

TO KILL EVERY MONSTER YOU SEE!

WHO IS WITH ME?!”

AND THE CROWD CHEERS

Me: HOLY SHIT

My Girlfriend: We are literally looking at a scene from fucking Pocahontas playing out in front of us here

Me: He LITERALLY just got up

IN FRONT OF CAMERAS

And told a crowd of people TO GO OUT AND MURDER PEOPLE

My Girlfriend: How is he not in jail?

HOW ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE NOT IN JAIL

Me: Apparently in Gotham whipping up a lynch mob into a bloodthirsty frenzy and screaming at them to go out and start killing everything that looks strange or scary is totally permissible

My Girlfriend: So you know how a while back you said Gotham had to be in Texas?

I’m convinced now

Meanwhile at Stately Wayne Manor, Billionaire Orphan Bruce Wayne is being raised from a fitful Chloroform Nap by Alfred

My Girlfriend: Alfred seems remarkably unconcerned that the tiny child he has custody over was drugged and abducted from their home for a lengthy period of time and then returned, all by persons unknown

Me: Did he even file a police report?

My Girlfriend: Kitten, would YOU go to the police in this city?

Bruce wakes up and makes the BEST FACE EVER as he sees Alfred looming over him

Me: if Alfred Murder-Machine Pennyworth was the first thing I saw waking up I’d make that face too…

“How did I get here…”

“I don’t know…ain’t got the foggiest”

My Girlfriend: “You’d think I’d be WORRIED about that but no”

Me: I love how he first speaks like a Real Person would and then remembers he’s meant to be a Cockney Chap and repeats the exact same phrase but just More British

My Girlfriend: I imagine the director was hissing at him just off camera “SAY IT LIKE YOU WERE IN OLIVER TWIST”

Me: If he doesn’t put at least two to three unnatural sounding turns of phrase into his dialogue per scene he gets the cattle prod

Alfred says that he thinks that the person who kidnapped Bruce was probably the “Masked Bastard” who knocked him out

My Girlfriend: And here I thought Bruce was the detective

Me: Imagine if it wasn’t though, imagine if there were just two totally unrelated home invaders in the same place at the same time

My Girlfriend: In this city…

“I saw them Alfred…”

Me: Well you saw ONE of the one of them

My Girlfriend: “I saw them Alfred

And by them I mean one creepy old woman in a small room”

Bruce says that the Court agreed to his terms and Alfred is sceptical that they would agree just like that

My Girlfriend: They just want out of this subplot REALLY badly

Me: they were outmanouvered by a tiny child, they can’t take any more embarrassment

Bruce tells Alfred that he had to promise not to investigate anything the Court of Owls is up to or involved in…

Me: Well if he PROMISED

My Girlfriend: You can’t go back on your word when you’ve given it under duress to a bunch of criminal scumbags

Me: The world would fall into anarchy if you did!

Alfred correctly guesses that it wasn’t just Bruce that was threatened….

Me: “I mean if they DID just threaten YOUR life I’d be pissed but if I’m in danger too then that’s okay”

Alfred asks if Bruce intends on keeping his word and Bruce insists that he does…

“And how do you know that they’ll keep theirs?”

My Girlfriend: “Just asking for a friend”

Me: it’s kind of weighing on his mind right now

My Girlfriend: He was just bludgeoned unconscious by a man dressed as Kato he’d like some assurances

Bruce proceeds to make a O.O face

Me: “OH NO I HADN’T THOUGHT OF THAT”

My Girlfriend: “that’s right, criminals lie to people don’t they”

Over at the GCPD Gordon’s showed up asking for Bullock but Some Guy tells him that he’s “Still over at the old bank”

My Girlfriend: The police seem remarkably unphased about the mob boss leading a lynch mob through their cities streets

Me: Where in their job description does it say anything about PROTECTING people

Some Guy tells Gordon that he “Missed out on a big pay day” and Gordon notes that he “Trusted the wrong person”…only for Valerie Vale to pipe up from behind him that he did

Me: OH THE HILLARITY

My Girlfriend: How did he not notice her sitting there?

Me: Seriously she would have been DIRECTLY in his line of sight as he walked in

My Girlfriend: Does Gordon just have no peripheral vision

Me: The way he drinks it’s a miracle he has vision at all

Valerie says that the two of them should be even now and suggests she buy him a drink

My Girlfriend: “Well when you put it that way”

Me: “For enough booze I’d forgive you killing my mother!”

However Gordon is having none of it and says that it’s not over until he catches Fish, heading off towards Lucius Fox as he spots him…

Me: “If you’ll excuse me I think I see a decent man whose kindness I can exploit”

who lets him into the morgue

My Girlfriend: I’m pretty sure he’s NOT supposed to be in there

Me: I’m VERY sure he’s not supposed to be in there

“I don’t want to get into trouble…odd as it may seem I do enjoy working here”

Me: That DOES seem odd

Jim reassures him that he just wants to catch Fish and then “Everybody wins”

My Girlfriend: Well I don’t follow that logic at all

Me: “And by everybody I actually just mean me

I win

I win money”

Jim talks with Lucius about how Fish is sick and Lucius confirms that it’s what they’ve been stealing the drugs for

Me: it’s so helpful of them to tell each other things they already know

My Girlfriend: It’s almost like they were recapping prior events for another, unseen observer

Me: Well I mean it’s not like there’s a “Previously on” at the start of each episode, exposition is clearly the only way to go

Jim is convinced that Fish must have kidnapped Peabody to help her…which prompts Lucius to pull back the sheet on an aged and withered body to declare “This is Ethel Peabody”

My Girlfriend: “In all my years of uncovering top secret things under sheets, this is by far the strangest”

Me: “We don’t even normally cover the bodies like this, I just wanted to dramatically reveal something”

Jim is super sceptical at first but Lucius insists that they’re sure because two tests have confirmed it

Me: Oh like rapid aging is more ridiculous than freeze rays and bat monsters

My Girlfriend: This is the wrong city to be sceptical in

And Lucius reveals that Peabody isn’t the first body they’ve found like this

My Girlfriend: I’m guessing there’s a LOT of closed casket funerals in Gotham

Me: SO MANY

Jim points out that it makes no sense, wondering why Fish would kidnap Ethel Peabody only to have someone kill her

Me: since when did anyone on this show need an excuse to be needlessly violent

My Girlfriend: it’s just a normal weekday in Gotham Jim, stop pretending it’s so unusual

He wonders if Fish got what she wanted but Lucius thinks it’s more likely that Peabody couldn’t help her

“Leaving Mooney still searching for the cure”

My Girlfriend: “Yes…that didn’t really add much to the conversation Jim”

Me: “Maybe if we just stand around repeating the obvious to each other we can pad out the run time of this episode to its required forty five minutes”

The two come to the conclusion that the only person who can help Mooney…IS HUGO STRANGE

Me: BD WONG IS COMING BACK

My Girlfriend: This is the most GENUINELY happy I’ve seen you watching this show since the girl in latex showed up

Me: BD Wong is a national treasure okay

We cut over to Harvey Bullock where, speak of the devil, Hot Black Latex Girl with the Boba Fett Voice confronts him…and hilariously Harvey has ABSOLUTELY NO REACTION

My Girlfriend: So he’s just got

No thoughts at all

About a woman in PVC fetishwear coming up to him on the street?

Me: Somehow I doubt this is an unusual occurrence for Harvey Bullock

My Girlfriend: Stop, I don’t want to think about his sex life

Soon Bullock is being taken at gunpoint to see Fish Mooney

My Girlfriend: No one noticed this happening?

Me: It’s Gotham

Its streets are always desserted at the Dramatically Appropriate Time

My Girlfriend: Sure

One of those major American cities that just has no one at all walking or driving down its streets

Me: I blame Deliveroo, no one goes out anymore

Harvey is taken to Fish’s Mobile Truck Lair and some awkward small talk ensues during which Harvey genuinely asks her how she’s doing

Me: “So

Crazy weather we’re having lately”

My Girlfriend: “I just had you abducted at gunpoint, why am I getting Guy In An Elevator Small Talk from your”

Fish says that she needs to find “That bastard Strange”

Me: Hugo Strange and Stephen Strange’s younger brother, Bastard Strange

My Girlfriend: He was an unwanted pregnancy

Harvey refuses to help at first and so Fish decides to use her Fish Powers on him…by…kissing…him

My Girlfriend: MY EYES

Me: TELL ME WHEN IT’S OVER

My Girlfriend: I’m not looking I have to protect myself

Me: Fish YOU HAD A GUN ON HIM

You could have made him help you

And with her powers doing their thing, Harvey makes A Face and says he’ll help

Me: OH NO HE LOOKS EVEN MORE VACANT THAN USUAL

My Girlfriend: I didn’t think that was POSSIBLE

And now it’s time to see how Creepy Truck Driver is doing with Ivy

My Girlfriend: I DON’T WANT TO SEE MORE OF THIS

Me: DO NOT WANT

My Girlfriend: Everything about this subplot has a thick layer of ICKY coating it

The guy asks if Ivy is thirsty for anything and rattles off some drinks but she says all she wants is water

Me: BECAUSE SHE IS LIKE A PLANT DO YOU GET IT

My Girlfriend: But…NOTHING has happened to give her plant powers

Me: Yep

My Girlfriend: She got creepily aged up and fell in a sewer what does that have to do with plants

While the Creepy Trucker goes off to get water…

Me: He sure is accommodating to people he met five seconds ago

My Girlfriend: Actually WHEN IS THIS SCENE TAKING PLACE

This episodes timeline is a mess

While Ivy sadly looks at one of his dying plants and thinks on how sad it is

Me: BECAUSE SHE IS ALL ABOUT PLANTS

My Girlfriend: AGAIN THOUGH WHY

HOW

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN

Creepy Trucker comes back with the water and says that his ex-wife left a bunch of clothes Ivy can change into if she wants which Ivy is fine with

Me: “Sure thing stranger whose name I don’t know

Once I’ve finished drinking this glass of liquid you got for me out of sight I’ll go and start getting undressed in your home”

My Girlfriend: “I don’t see any way that this situation could go badly”

The trucker asks where Ivy is from and she says Gotham

My Girlfriend: Wait, are they not in Gotham right now?

Me: Some kind of subtitle telling us where this scene is set would be helpful show

And when he offers to let her use the phone Ivy says she doesn’t need to and then tells him no one would be looking for her when he Very Worryingly starts saying that SURELY someone must be missing her

Me: “Not to worry creepy trucker who takes young girls back to his home!

No one is looking for me and no one would notice if I disappeared”

My Girlfriend: “Why someone could kidnap or murder me right now and not a single soul would put out a missing persons report or start any kind of criminal investigation into who I was last seen with”

Me: “Now which of these rooms whose doors all seem to lock from the outside should I go get undressed in”

The guys says he’s sure someone would be looking for a “Beautiful girl like you” and Ivy acts surprised that he thinks she’s beautiful

My Girlfriend: EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW

Me: EVERYTHING IS SKETCHY AND BAD AND MADE OF AWFUUUUULLLLLL

The guy asks what her story is…

My Girlfriend: “That doesn’t answer my question I asked you but fine”

And Ivy starts talking about how she’s “Just a girl…”

Me: “IN THE WORLD”

And how the cops killed her dad and her mom “Left”

My Girlfriend: Her mom vanished right around the time that actors contracts come up for renewal with American network shows oddly enough

Me: A LOT of people in Gotham disappear around that time

Just ask Renee Montoya

My Girlfriend: Who

Me: EXACTLY

Ivy talks about how she was “All alone”

My Girlfriend: EXCUSE YOU you had your Tiny Bisexual Gal Pal Selina

Me: Selina loved you Ivy how can you just forget her like this

But then Ivy says that something happened and she “Changed”

Me: “It’s like my actress was replaced by an older one in the creepiest of circumstances for the sleaziest of reasons”

And as Ivy starts talking about how she’s different “Inside and out…”

My Girlfriend: (DISTRESSED CAT NOISES)

Me: (VERY DISTRESSED CAT NOISES)

She starts weirdly touching the plant which even freaks out Creepy Trucker who proceeds to chuck it in the garbage. Ivy asks what he thinks he’s doing and he replies that it’s “Just a plant” before saying he’ll go get her some clothes…as the music gets SUPER INTENSE and we zoom in on Ivy

My Girlfriend: HE’S DEAD ISN’T HE

Me: Oh she has murdered him in no uncertain terms

My Girlfriend: To be fair, he’s the kind of man who lurks around a waterfront and brings young girls back to his house, it is probably not a great loss

Me: I feel like no one is going to come looking for him, no

My Girlfriend: Well there’s the moral of this episode

Me: Yep

Respect the environment

Or Ivy will FUCKIN KILL YOU

My Girlfriend: CAPTAAAAIIINNNN PLAAAANNNEEEETTTT

We cut to the GCPD where Barnes is telling Gordon that there’s no way Gordon could know that Fish kidnapped Harvey or that she’s looking for Hugo Strange, adding that he shouldn’t be here

Me: “YOUR NOT A COP ANYMORE JIM

You can’t just

SHOW UP WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE”

My Girlfriend: “People who aren’t on the force can’t just walk into a police station whenever they feel like and start doing whatever they want”

Me: “Believe it or not, it’s not okay for people to just walk in off the street and start lurking in a GCPD morgue”

Gordon says that Harvey isn’t answering his phone and that no one can find him, leading Barnes to suggest they look “Everywhere in Gotham that serves Booze”

Me: BARNES CONTINUES TO BE A HIGHLIGHT OF THE SHOW

My Girlfriend: I’m not seeing any falsehoods in what he said

But Gordon insists that something MUST have happened to Harvey because they found his badge by his car!

Me: MY GOD

THAT CERTAINLY PROVES HE’S BEEN ABDUCTED

My Girlfriend: Because no one ever just drops anything

Me: Especially not people who are constantly drunk

But apparently this is the evidence that Barnes needs for him to declare that “Fish is looking for him isn’t she” (Strange)

Me: Well that didn’t take much convincing

My Girlfriend: “I should dramatically slam things on tables more often”

Me: Clearly it gets results

Jim suggests that Barnes warns the people who have Strange but Barnes insists that he doesn’t even know which department took him

Me: I’d assume it’s whatever one Mulder and Scully are assigned to these days…

My Girlfriend: Now there’s a crossover that I’d like to see

Me: Five minutes in Gotham would have Scully believeing even Mulder’s most ridiculous theories

Gordon asks if Barnes knows where Strange is and he says that they took him to “A place outside the city”

Me: “Well that’s specific”

My Girlfriend: “Thanks for narrowing it down, there aren’t too many places outside the city”

Barnes says that it “Looks like an old mansion, but inside it’s a hi tech laboratory”

Me: OH MY GOD HE’S BEEN TAKEN BY THE UMBRELLA CORPORATION

My Girlfriend: LEGITIMATELY seems to be what they’re saying yes

And it only gets worse/better when Lucius correctly guesses that scientists are debriefing him to work out “What he discoverered in Indian Hill”

Me: So a top secret lab in a creepy old mansion, where they’re trying to learn the secrets of how to bring the dead back to life

THIS IS LEGITIMATELY JUST RESIDENT EVIL

My Girlfriend: Barnes is sure that nothing bad will happen with a trustworthy man like Albert Wesker keeping an eye on Strange these days

Me: Umbrella have assured him that Strange’s research will be put to good use and definitely won’t unleash hordes of undead monsters and bio-engineered living weapons

My Girlfriend: Gotham City, twinned with Raccoon City

Gordon tells Barnes to tell him where it is but Barnes instead insists that he’ll accompany him

Me: He’s always wanted to live out the plot of a Resident Evil game

My Girlfriend: Living in Gotham has given him plenty of training to survive a survival horror game plot

And we cut to Hugo Strange’s Creepy Old Mansion Lab in the Woods where Fish and the others have arrived…

My Girlfriend: NO REALLY COME ON NOW

Me: They are not even TRYING to hide where they stole this idea from here

Hugo saunters up to the door as Fish declares that it’s showtime

Me: They’ll leave getting past the armed guards and locked door to Harvey, the Master of Unlocking

Harvey says that he needs to see Hugo Strange but the guards are instantly suspicious of the fact he doesn’t have his badge…

My Girlfriend: So they notice THAT and not the fact that he’s come, alone, in a creepy old truck, without calling ahead first or any word from their superiors

Me: “Hold on a minute

This drunk man whose staggered out of the woods claiming to be a cop doesn’t have a badge!

WHAT’S GOING ON HERE”

Harvey tries to awkwardly talk his way past the guards who say they’ve heard nothing about anyone coming to see him, noting “That’s strange. I mean strange weird, not the guy Strange”

Me: These writers are actually paid for what they do

My Girlfriend: TOO MUCH

They then proceed to ask Bullock if he has ID

Me: Now there’s a question he hears often

My Girlfriend: Especially around happy hour

As Bullock tries to bluff them one of Fish’s mutants just casually walks up to the house causing the guards to freak out…

My Girlfriend: They’re doing such a good job of hiding the fact this isn’t an ordinary house

Me: It’s just one of those old mansions in the woods that has well armed guards posted outside its doors at all times that you see every day

My Girlfriend: “NOTHING TO SEE HERE”

And Fish’s henchgirl quickly makes use of her superspeed to murder all of the guards and then hold Bullock at gunpoint

Me: Wait

If they were going to do that all along WHY BOTHER WITH HAVING BULLOCK TRY AND TRICK THEM

My Girlfriend: Seemed a little needless really

Me: I mean I often question why anyone trusts Harvey Bullock to do anything but it seems extra redundant here

And so Fish proceeds to stride toward the house in her cape LIKE A BOSS as she and her superpowered monster people break in

Me: You know I wasn’t going to say anything but all the guards in this place only have TWO DAYS LEFT until retirement

My Girlfriend: You couldn’t help yourself could you

And yep sure enough two of the guards quickly get bumped off

Me: “Remember us…as brilliant security guards…”

My Girlfriend: You’d think given that they have ACTUAL superpowers they wouldn’t need guns

Me: Fish Mooney is a card carrying member of the NRA

She firmly believes EVERYONE always needs a gun

And they proceed to enter the room they were guarding to find Hugo Strange, in a Giant Mad Science Version of Hannibal Lectre’s cell with the “Good” doctor having a…rather muted reaction to seeing this

Me: “Hello, Clarice…”

My Girlfriend: So wait, they only put FOUR GUARDS on the house where they were keeping a SUPERVILLAIN who CREATED AN ARMY OF MONSTERS and then TRIED TO NUKE A CITY

Me: The FBI’s budget is limited okay Rebecca

They have to devote most of their manpower to the IMPORTANT things

Like punishing film piracy

My Girlfriend: Well as long as they’re not wasting their time on anything frivolous then

“Professor Strange…you and I have unfinished business”

Me: “This is not going to end well for me is it…”

My Girlfriend: “This is not going to end well for you, no”

Hugo is actually happy to see Fish, describing her as being “His greatest creation”

Me: Mr Freeze and Firefly are going to be PISSED when they here this

My Girlfriend: It’s wrong to play favourites with your horrible monster children

Fish tells Hugo that she’s dying, before declaring “Your going to fix me daddy”

Me: WHAT THE FUUUUUU

My Girlfriend: I’M KINKSHAMING THIS WHOLE SHOW

Fish tells Hugo that he wants him to make her an army “So I can have this whole city kneeling at my feet”

My Girlfriend: All she wants is to rule Gotham?

Talk about a lack of ambition

Me: She doesn’t want to overextend herself okay

She’s following the Il Palazzo method

Conquering a single city is a reasonable goal with some leeway for setbacks

Hugo insists that he can’t fix Fish but this conversational trainwreck is interrupted by Hot Latex Woman informing Fish that the cops are coming

My Girlfriend: “GOD DAMN YOU PLOT CONTRIVANCE”

Me: Nice to know that Gordon and the others showed up too late to save ANYONE once again

My Girlfriend: More importantly, did those subtitles really just say that her name is “Nancy”?

Me: That is a REALLY underwhelming name for a supervillain

We cut to outside the mansion where the GCPD are swarming around the place and as Gordon and Barnes get out of their cars Barnes phones rings with caller ID informing him it’s Harvey

Me: Wait, if Bullock has his phone on him why didn’t Fish just have him call Jim and say everything was fine

Then he wouldn’t have come looking for him

My Girlfriend: I think you expecting too much from someone who based their entire plan around Jim Gordon and Harvey Bullock

Barnes asks if Harvey is alright only for Fish to say that while he’s fine “This ain’t Harvey”

My Girlfriend: “I THOUGHT you sounded different”

Barnes says that he wants to talk to Bullock

Me: Those are words Barnes NEVER thought he’d say…

Harvey at first says that Fish can’t control him but then one of her henchgirls presses the gun she’s got to his head closer

My Girlfriend: “Oh that’s right, I’m unarmed and you have a gun to my head”

Me: With all the excitement of the day, Harvey forgot he was a hostage there for a minute

Barnes tries to negotiate a surrender telling Fish that if she plays ball she might make it through this

Me: She’s a black woman in a show like Gotham, she knows there’s practically no chance of that happening

My Girlfriend: “I’d be more convinced if this show had a better track record”

Fish replies that as she’s dying she doesn’t think she has anything to lose and so tells Barnes that if any of his cops come near the mansion then Harvey “Will eat a bullet”

Me: “And then after I’ve had him eat that bullet I will also shoot him in the face and kill him”

My Girlfriend: Honestly a bullet is probably a lot healthier than anything else Harvey usually puts in his body

Me: The fact he’s still alive at all is a miracle

Fish hangs up on Barnes and Bullock notes that she “Had to come back”

Me: “I should have known you’d become a mutant zombie”

My Girlfriend: He was a fool not to expect it

Bullock tries to convince Fish that she has to give up but she calmly responds with a “Shut up, Harvey”

My Girlfriend: Have I mentioned before that Fish Mooney is my favourite character on this show

Me: More episodes should just be about her striding around like a queen in her bad ass cape

My Girlfriend: And telling the main characters to please shut up

While outside as Gordon asks if Harvey is alright, Barnes responds by turning to his officers and telling them to set up a perimeter with “Snipers on every corner”

Me: “That didn’t actually answer my question why are you avoiding my question”

My Girlfriend: I sure hope that all of this effort on Barnes part isn’t for absolutely nothing

Me: Sure would be terrible if after all this they failed to stop any of what’s about to occur

Gordon gets pissy saying that they can’t just leave Bullock in there to die and Barnes replies that he’s not going to do that he’s just not “Charging in through the front door and getting him killed”

My Girlfriend: BUT THAT’S THE ONLY WAY JIM GORDON KNOWS HOW TO DO THINGS

Me: Gordon is shocked and appalled that Barnes is trying to use strategy and intelligence instead of just charging in fists raised and hitting everything

My Girlfriend: “Are you trying to say that violence isn’t the answer?

BUT THAT’S ALL I’M GOOD AT”

Barnes also reminds Jim that he’s not a cop anymore and that if he gets in the way he’ll be arrested as well

Me: LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN LONG AGO

My Girlfriend: Again, if Gordon isn’t a cop WHY IS HE THERE

Me: Oh, the police departments let violent vigilantes just tag along to hostage crises all the time, didn’t you know that?

And because things weren’t nonsensical enough here comes a bunch of TV news vans along with Valerie Vale!

Me: “Coming to you live from the Arklay Mountains, outside the Birkin Mansion”

My Girlfriend: How did she know where they were

DOES SHE HAVE JIM GORDON MICROCHIPPED

Me: She just follows him around all day

She knows he’s the protagonist so if she just stalks him constantly then something newsworthy will happen

“Oh no, not the press…”

My Girlfriend: Barnes just sounds

SO TIRED

Of this city

Me: AND WHO CAN BLAME HIM

And soon a reporter is talking about the situation while Penguin lurks in his Old Creepy House, with the Actual Weirdest Expression, gleefully watching what’s unfolding

My Girlfriend: “You see Butch

I told you that just sitting silently in a dark room watching the news for hours on end would work”

Me: Penguin’s brilliant masterplan pays off once more

My Girlfriend: Thank goodness that the GCPD are fine with roving news crews circling an active hostage situation like ghoulish vultures

Butch points out that there’s nothing Penguin can do about the situation since the GCPD are already there….

Me: I sure hope he isn’t going to do anything RIDICULOUS

My Girlfriend: Oswald Cobblepott, do something weird and crazy?

NOOOOOOO

I’m sure he’ll do the sensible thing here

And Penguin declares that “The GCPD are not Gotham

Gotham listens to ME”

My Girlfriend: The people of Gotham are idiots like that

Me: “Gotham doesn’t trust the police!

They trust me!

The homicidal mobster who was recently released from an asylum for the criminally insane!”

My Girlfriend: Well who couldn’t trust that face

Back with Fish and Hugo, he’s telling her that he wishes he could help her as he thinks of her as “One of my own children”

My Girlfriend: Hugo Strange is a Weird and Terrible Father

Me: “Your like a daughter to me

That’s why I dressed you up like a fetish model and then tried to kill you with high explosives”

Fish gets pissed as you would but Hugo asks her if she realises what she is and “What she represents”

Me: A badly written character on a terrible TV show, played by a wonderfully over the top actress?

But no, Hugo actually says that she is the “first of a new generation

A NEW EEEEEVVVVEEEEEE”

My Girlfriend: God I’ve missed BD Wong

Me: He’s like a real life Todd Rivers, he’s amazing

Fish responds to this by starting to tell a story about a club she once ran and how she used to also run a protection racket, explaining that every now and then people would say they didn’t have the money to pay

Me: The recession was hitting everyone hard okay Fish

My Girlfriend: THANKS OBAMA

“But then I discovered that when I squeezed them, and squeezed them and SQUEEZED them…”

Me: “They would die”

My Girlfriend: Fish was shocked to learn that crushing someone to paste in your hands is fatal

Me: Well as long as she learnt a lesson from it

But no actually she concludes that what she learned was that they always had more money as Hugo makes a “._.” face

Me: “Is this woman going to squeeze me like a sponge”

My Girlfriend: HUGO DOES NOT FEEL SAFE RIGHT NOW

Me: he’s just remembered he is in a locked room with a mass murderer and he just told her he can’t do the one thing she needed him alive for

Fish threatens Hugo that if he doesn’t fix her then he will “Pray for his death”

Me: “I’m in Gotham, I’ve been praying for death for months”

My Girlfriend: Everyone who has to appear in this show for the paycheck is praying for the embrace of death

At that point Hot Latex Woman/Nancy interrupts to tell Fish that shit is getting WEIRD outside, telling Fish that it’s “Not the cops” who are out there

My Girlfriend: “Well what else could it be, an angry mob with pitchforks and torches?”

And we cut to…

My Girlfriend: “OH GOD DAMN IT COME ON NO”

Yep, Penguin has arrived with a LITERAL ANGRY MOB OF GOTHAM CITIZENS, which Barnes reacts to with a kind of Resigned Horror

Me: “Can’t this damn city go ONE WEEK without a riot”

My Girlfriend: HOW DID PENGUIN GATHER THEM UP SO QUICKLY

The news can’t have been reporting on this for more than an hour or so, it was night when they got there and it’s still night now

WHERE DID HE FIND THEM

Me: Oh, everyone in Gotham just spends all their time stroking various weapons and waiting for someone to organise them into a lynch mob

My Girlfriend: I BELIEVE YOU

Barnes orders the police to “Cordon off the area”

Me: Sure is a shame he can’t have any of these people ARRESTED or anything

My Girlfriend: What are you saying, that a bloodthirsty gang roaming the streets with axes and baseball bats belong in jail?

Me: IT’S GONNA SHOCK YOU

But acting this way is actually AGAINST THE LAW

My Girlfriend: POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD

Barnes demands that Cobblepott and the others GTFO but Penguin instead starts ranting and raving about how he “Won’t let those monsters escape” before screaming “FISH MOONEY DIES TONIGHT”

Me: HE JUST TOLD A MOB TO MURDER SOMEONE

ON CAMERA

IN FRONT OF DOZENS OF WITNESSES, MOST OF THEM COPS

My Girlfriend: If only Barnes had at his disposal some kind of organisation with the power to apprehend dangerous bloodthirsty criminals who are leading violent gangs through the streets

Me: And then maybe place them in some kind of large secure building with other dangerous individuals where they couldn’t be a threat to the general population

My Girlfriend: Such a shame that nothing like that exists

Cobblepott tells the mob to surge forwards as Barnes just yells for them to “Stay back” and the cops just…stand there

Me: Seriously now

THESE PEOPLE HAVE GUNS

The mob has sticks

This should not be a difficult situation to resolve

My Girlfriend: In real life

Cobblepott’s entire mob would be dead right now

And the GCPD would be getting their stories straight about how it was self defence

While all this is going on, Gordon sneaks into the mansion and begins creeping through its halls…only for the speedster to get the drop of him, holding a gun to the back of his head

“You killed a lot of our friends Gordon”

Me: “Okay I can’t turn around and see your face so your going to have to be a LOT more specific”

My Girlfriend: “YOU COULD BE ANYONE ON THIS SHOW “

“A lot of your friends had it coming”

Me: “They were stealing LIFE SAVING MEDICATION

They HAD TO DIE”

My Girlfriend: I see Gordon is still a master of tact and diplomacy

Me: It’s truly a mystery why he doesn’t have more friends

And Hot Latex Woman strides up declaring Jim deserves to die too…only for Fish to interrupt and tell them to bring him in

Me: WHY

WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT

My Girlfriend: “Stop, you can’t kill him!

HE’S A MAIN CHARACTER”

Me: “Rather than just shooting him let’s instead needlessly prolong his life and give him a chance to escape”

While the mob outside continues to rage and scream, Jim is brought in to where Harvey is being held, telling him that he’s here to save him

My Girlfriend: “I see it’s going well”

Me: THIS is why you don’t count on Jim Gordon for a rescue

My Girlfriend: This is why you shouldn’t count on Jim Gordon for ANYTHING

Fish wants to know if Gordon was sent in by the GCPD to try and talk her down…

Me: Because he was doing such a good job of negotiating before she stepped in….

My Girlfriend: Why would ANYONE think that ANY RATIONAL PERSON would send Jim Gordon in to defuse a situation peacefully

Me: “I CAN’T LET THINGS ESCALAAAAAAAATE”

Gordon however insists that he is just here for Bullock and Fish reacts incredulously that he’d risk his life for Harvey Bullock

My Girlfriend: Once again, I find myself in agreement with Fish Mooney

Me: She’s seen a lot of weird nonsensical things in her time

But the idea that someone would risk their life for Harvey Bullock is just too ridiculous

My Girlfriend: There are limits to how far she can suspend her disbelief

“He’d do the same for me”

“It’s true, I would!”

Me: HARVEY, LYING IS WRONG

My Girlfriend: And lying to YOURSELF is wrong too Jim

Me: Does Gordon remember how when they first met, Bullock pressured him to LITERALLY MURDER A MAN under threat of death

Fish says that she now has TWO hostages but Gordon tells her that if she kills him Barnes will probably thank her

Me: WE’LL ALL THANK HER

My Girlfriend: At least Gordon is self aware enough to know that NO ONE would negotiate for his safety

Me: Jim Gordon’s middle name is “Collateral Damage”

Fish asks him to give her one good reason not to kill him…

Me: THERE ISN’T ANY

My Girlfriend: Gordon’s own mother couldn’t give you one good reason not to do that Fish

But no, Gordon claims that he knows a way to get Fish and the others out of there

Me: So he’s going to just let a mad scientist and a power hungry mob boss escape to do god knows what in exchange for his own safety

My Girlfriend: The Needs of the Jim Gordon outweigh the needs of the many or the few or the one who isn’t Jim Gordon

Me: The code by which he lives his life

Fish agrees to Gordon’s offer before pointing to Hugo and saying “I get this one”

“Wait a second…”

Me: “Now hold on I never agreed to…”

“DEAL”

My Girlfriend: It’s nice to know Jim is willing to trade a mans life away like it was a Pokemon card

Me: HUGO STRANGE HAS SOME OBJECTIONS TO THIS DEAL

Gordon is given two minutes and so creeps off to make a phone call…as we cut to outside where the Penguin’s phone rings

My Girlfriend: “Hang on guys, I have to take this, you just keep yelling and shaking your makeshift weapons in the air”

Me: “I’ll be right back to rabble rouse in a second”

Of course it’s Jim on the phone and the Penguin declares that he “Just keeps surprising him”

Me: You’d really think that nothing could surprise him about Jim Gordon anymore

My Girlfriend: I love that he apparently has Jim’s number saved to his phone, because he knew who was calling before he said anything

Me: The heroes on this show literally just treat Penguin like he’s their Weird Evil Friend it’s legitimately hilarious

“How would you like to have Fish all to yourself”

“Don’t tease”

My Girlfriend: I don’t like the way he said that

Me: I don’t like the face he made when he said that

My Girlfriend: I don’t like him

Gordon tells Penguin that he just has to do one thing…

Me: HE IS STANDING LESS THAN TEN FEET AWAY FROM FISH AND THE OTHERS

HOW CAN THEY NOT HEAR WHAT GORDON IS SAYING

My Girlfriend: He’s not even bothering to whisper

The “One thing” is apparently to get Penguin to whip the mob into even more of a frenzy because of course it is, and as Barnes tells Cobbelpott that he’ll “Disperse the crowd himself”

My Girlfriend: What the police trying to STOP a mob of idiots with dangerous weapons from killing people?

Me: BARNES SURE HAS SOME UNCONVENTIONAL IDEAS ABOUT POLICEWORK

My Girlfriend: Next thing you know he’ll try and arrest Penguin for a little thing like inciting violence and attempted murder

But Penguin screams at the mob to “KILL THE MONSTERS”

My Girlfriend: DRIVE THEM FROM OUR SHORES

Me: THEY MUST SOUND THE DRUMS OF WAR

And as the mob surges forward, back in the mansion Murder Hands guy informs Fish that the mob has broken through….

My Girlfriend: IT’S JUST THE WAY WE FEARED

THE PALEFACE IS A DEMON

Me: THE ONLY THING THEY FEEL AT ALL IS GREED  

Fish gets ready to flee, telling the Speedster and Hot Latex Woman to “Hold them off as long as you can”

Me: So…do they not have ANY objections to this plan?

My Girlfriend: “Sacrifice your lives and die horribly while I run away out the back entrance”

Me: “Some of you may die…but it is a sacrifice that I am prepared to make”

Hugo begs that Jim ‘Can’t let her take me’ and Jim’s reply?

“Goodbye professor”

Me: Jim Gordon, making deals with not one but TWO bloodthirsty criminals in one episode

My Girlfriend: He’s really upped his game with his scumbaggery here

“She’s gonna kill me!

SHE’S GONNA KILL ME!”

My Girlfriend: Why does he think THAT would stop Jim Gordon doing anything

Me: “Jim, I’m trying to appeal to your conscience here!”

My Girlfriend: “Appeal to my what now”

The mob pours in and Hot Latex Woman and the speedster start shooting at them….

Me: You know what would help here?

SUPER POWERS

My Girlfriend: If only one of them had the power to move at super speed, I bet they’d make quick work of this mob

Me: WHAT A SHAME THEY AREN’T SUPERHUMAN CREATURES MADE IN A LAB BY A MAD SCIENTIST

The Speedster is overpowered and soon Hot Latex Woman is also knocked down

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOT THE HOT LATEX WOMAN

My Girlfriend: SHE HAD A NAME SAMANTHA

Me: SHE WAS THE ONE GOOD THING WE HAD LEFT ON THIS SHOW

And soon the mob kills both of them in…pretty horrifyingly brutal fashion…

My Girlfriend: JESUS CHRIST did this air before nine o clock in America?

THIS IS A BIT STRONG

Me: Nice to know that Gotham, as always, reserves it’s most horrifyingly brutal violence for female characters

My Girlfriend: I’m sure that doesn’t suggest any underlying PROBLEMS in the writing staff

So while a mob of bloodthirsty idiots kills two people for the crime of Being a Bit Odd Looking we cut to something marginally less unwholesome as Fish and Hugo’s escape is interrupted by the Penguin, holding them at gunpoint

My Girlfriend: “I should have known trusting Gordon was a mistake”

Me: “If only I paid any attention to anything that happened around me, I might have expected this”

Penguin lets the Murder Hands guy run off…

My Girlfriend: So wait, the two who have never hurt anyone on screen get brutally murdered but the guy who attacked a child and an old woman with Death Hands gets to live

Me: This show has a very warped sense of justice

Fish greets Penguin as “Oswald” but he angrily declares that his name is “Penguin”

Me: he had it changed legally

My Girlfriend: it wasn’t the strangest request a judge in Gotham has ever gotten

“So this is it…I spare your life…and you shoot me dead in the woods like an animal”

“…

Pretty much, yes”

My Girlfriend: “You really shouldn’t be THAT shocked”

Me: HE FED HIS SIBLINGS TO THEIR MOTHER, FISH

You should not be that shocked that he’s a terrible human being

My Girlfriend: “Why are you surprised that I’d do something violent and horrible?

THAT’S ALL I EVER DO”

Before he shoots her though, Penguin demands to know why she didn’t kill him

Me: We’re all asking ourselves that Oswald

My Girlfriend: “Why wouldn’t you kill me?

I AM TERRIBLE IN EVERY WAY”

“I’ve gone over that night a thousand times in my head and it doesn’t make any sense”

Me: When has ANYTHING that has EVER happened on this show made ANY SENSE

My Girlfriend: You just lead a lynch mob into a federal laboratory and murdered two people and the police stood by and did nothing while you did so

NOTHING ON THIS SHOW MAKES SENSE

But Fish’s answer is that Penguin is “Hers”

“You were my umbrella boy, remember?”

My Girlfriend: I hope to god that doesn’t mean something awful

“You rubbed my feet…”

My Girlfriend: OH NO IT DOES

Me: FISH STOP BEING PROBLEMATIC

And then, no word of a life, Heartwarming Music swells on the soundtrack as Fish Mooney talks about how Penguin is now “The terror of Gotham” and declares that the best thing she ever did was turn “Oswald Cobblepott into the Penguin”

My Girlfriend: “You’re a violent, evil, depraved monster with no morality or scruples

I LOVE YOU LIKE A SON”

Me: Fish has never been more proud

My Girlfriend: I love that Oswald looks GENUINELY CHOKED up about this

Me: Fish is like the Weird Evil Gangster Mother that he never had

Fish tells Oswald he could ask Hugo about this as he “Understands what it is, to bring something into being”

My Girlfriend: Thank you for hammering home an already un-subtle plotpoint

Me: Gotham

Where the dialogue analyses itself so you don’t have!

And so penguin proceeds to break down in tears over this

Me: All Oswald has ever really wanted was someone to tell him they’re proud of all the murder and crime he does

My Girlfriend: Knowing that he’s such a horrible person that the homicidal fish monster admires him is the happiest moment of his entire life

And so Penguin tells Fish to go, warning her not to come back to Gotham

Me: “You can hide out somewhere this show will never find you

With Crispus Allan and Renee Montoya”

My Girlfriend: “WHO?”

Me: “YES EXACTLY”

And so Fish and Hugo flee and we can’t help but notice…

Me: WAIT

Why…is Hugo going with Fish?

Didn’t he want to ESCAPE like, a minute ago

She hasn’t got a gun, the Murder Hands guy left…why isn’t he just, you know…RUNNING AWAY FROM HER

Instead of following her to his Eventual Demise

My Girlfriend: He’s realised that escaping means appearing in another episode and he just…he’d rather take his chances with the killer fish zombie

Me: I’D DO THE SAME

So back with the Mob of Idiots they’re throwing the dead bodies of the two Indian Hill escapees they killed onto a bonfire while the news stands around and takes pictures…

Me: So…none of them are at all worried about having been caught, on camera, commiting a violent murder and then trying to destroy the evidence

My Girlfriend: “BURN THE MONSTERS!

Just like we’ll soon be frying in an electric chair for this, since none of us covered our faces”

Me: Maybe they don’t understand how cameras work

My Girlfriend: I assume in this city they just think they steal your soul

And Jim Gordon and Harvey Bullock share a Look as they watch the cheering bloodthirsty crowd

Me: “You know Harvey I can’t help but feel Somewhat Responsible for this”

My Girlfriend: “Jim…have you ever worried that maybe the people of Gotham…aren’t good people?”

Me: “Harvey…are we the baddies?”

And the cheering crowd lifts Penguin up onto their shoulders, chanting “Penguin” over and over again as Jim and Harvey look EVEN MORE CONCERNED

My Girlfriend: “Do you still think you can control them, Gordon?”

Me: Not to worry, I’m sure that things definitely won’t escalate from here…

And Gordon tells Bullock to go “Tell Barnes something”

Me: Maybe tell him to actually ARREST some of these people who JUST MURDERED TWO PEOPLE

My Girlfriend: UNDER THE ORDERS OF A MOBSTER

Me: And also violently assaulted a bunch of police officers while breaking into a government facility

My Girlfriend: In real life there is no way this situation wouldn’t end with everyone in jail

Me: In real life there’s no way it wouldn’t end with them all IN THE MORGUE

And Jim declares that he’s going home

Me: “Well, I think I’ve done enough good for today”

My Girlfriend: “Time to leave before they start questioning me about being an accessory to murder again”

And we cut to Creepy truckers home where Ivy comes down the stairs, with the camera making sure to focus on her hips and breasts first

Me: STAY CLASSY GOTHAM

Just

STAY CLASSY

My Girlfriend: They zoomed in on her tits before they showed us her face

OUTSTANDING

Me: Nothing EXCEPTIONALLY CREEPY AT ALL about sexualising a character who still has the mind of a child or anything

And we see that Ivy has killed the truck driver for not watering that plant because????

Me: OKAY WHY DID THIS HAPPEN

My Girlfriend: Why is she suddenly willing to murder people for mistreating plants?

There has been

NOTHING

In her backstory

Or how she got her powers

To make this make sense

Me: Like, if she got her powers through some kind of Plant Monster or something or was already super into the environment then this would make SOMEWHAT more sense?

But

Just

WHAT

WHY

And then we cut to Wayne Manor where Alfred is talking about how glad he is not to be looking at all that evidence Bruce was collecting on his parents deaths anymore

Me: “Trying to avenge the brutal murder of your parents was a right bloody bother Master Bruce”

My Girlfriend: he’s glad not to be going up the apples and pears to that bleeding cave anymore as well you silly sod

Alfred brings up the question of what Bruce is going to do with all his free time now…

Me: Maybe he could try ACTUALLY GOING TO SCHOOL because he is a small child and hasn’t attended a single day of it for like, a year

My Girlfriend: It would be nice if he got an education in something other than how to win a streetfight or how to survive a supervillains death trap

“I imagine you have some ideas”

“I do

DANCING LESSONS”

My Girlfriend: Oh good, Bruce was worried for a minute there it would be something ludicrous

Alfred tells Bruce that he should learn to dance for when he needs to romantically waltz with a young lady

My Girlfriend: Bruce always imagined him courting beautiful young ladies by chasing them across rooftops for some reason

Me: Whatever works for him

And we also get to see Alfred Pennyworth do a little twirl

Me: AMAZING

My Girlfriend: Please tell me a song and dance number is about to break out

It isn’t but someone does break in, as the sound of breaking glass makes the two of them freak out

Me: So does a single week pass WITHOUT this place suffering a home invasion

My Girlfriend: That security system Alfred installed is really paying for itself…

And while Alfred grabs a gun he hands Bruce a knife because of course he does

Me: DON’T GIVE THE CHILD A KNIFE

My Girlfriend: I’m just amazed he didn’t hand Bruce a gun as well

They go to investigate the noise and it’s…Evil Bruce!

Who stands there looking all Tim Burton-y before asking them not to hurt him

Me: Don’t be silly, Alfred would never hurt a child

Except for that one time he absolutely did

My Girlfriend: “Time to put those child slapping classes to use again”

Meanwhile over at Jim Gordon’s apartment, he answers the door to find Valerie Vale there again

My Girlfriend: “Oh god, whose going to die this time”

Me: “Seriously, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE”

Valerie talks about how tomorrows paper will tell Bullock’s version of how Fish just “Vanished” while Gordon and Bullock escaped

Me: Instead of being about how a bunch of Gotham citizens are wanted for a brutal double homicide

My Girlfriend: They decided to just gloss over that part

No need to depress people

Me: The Gotham Gazette continues to make Fox News look like a bastion of journalistic integrity here

Valerie tells Jim that she doesn’t believe any of it and thinks that Jim made a deal with Fish

Me: Jim Gordon, making a deal with a dangerous mobster?

UNTHINKABLE

My Girlfriend: How could she believe he’d do such a thing

Again, I mean

Valerie notes that she saw Penguin get a call before everything escalated and notes that while all the cops were at the front of the house dealing with the mob, Fish could have slipped out the back

Me: “And since I think you’re an accessory to murder and aiding and abetting a fugitive I’ve decided to DO NOTHING ABOUT IT

And just come straight here to tell you”

My Girlfriend: “Without telling anyone where I was going to be and making sure there were no other witnesses, obviously”

Me: “Luckily I was passing by here anyway, I’m returning a shovel and a bunch of black sacks and hacksaws I have in my trunk to the store”

Valerie continues to guess the exact plot of the episode, correctly assuming that Gordon double crossed Fish and handed her over to Penguin

Me: Okay how has she worked ALL OF THIS OUT from looking at one phone call she only got to see one side of

My Girlfriend: She just correctly assumed that Jim Gordon is a piece of shit and worked from there

Me: A SAFE ASSUMPTION

She also guesses that Penguin didn’t kill Fish and that’s why Gordon didn’t get the reward money on her

My Girlfriend: Okay seriously now, is she just

Looking at the episodes synopsis on Wikipedia or something

Me: I dearly hope she guesses exactly what happened between Penguin and Fish as well

But no, Valerie admits she has no idea why Penguin let Fish live

My Girlfriend: “The review I read on CBR didn’t reveal those details”

Me: “Bear with me while I consult the episodes script, then I’ll be able to tell you”

And she gets in close to Jim while telling him she doesn’t think he did any of this for the reward money…

Me: Are they going to…

My Girlfriend: NO

PLEASE NO

“Who are you Jim Gordon”

Me: An extremely unpleseant and unlikable protagonist

My girlfriend: There, there’s your answer

And as she begins to say something, Jim tells her to “Shut up” and kisses her

My Girlfriend: THAT’S NOT ROMANTIC

THAT’S GROSS AND AWFUL

Me: Like, no one kissing Jim Gordon would EVER be romantic

But this especially

Is just

NOT AT ALL

My Girlfriend: “I’m romantically going to kiss you without your consent to stop you talking”

Me: A LOVE FOR THE AGES

And our episode comes to an end as we cut to a train station…where Leslie Thompkins gets off the train!

Me: That look of resigned, depressed exhasperation on her face there…that’s the face everyone makes when they have to renew their contract on this show

My Girlfriend: She’s realised that doing Deadpool 2 isn’t going to be enough to pay the bills all on its own and she has to do ANOTHER season of this damn series

Me: “Oh god what am I doing with my life”

And our episode ends!

My Girlfriend: Wait

THAT’S the cliffhanger?

Not Bruce finding out he has an evil twin

Not Fish being on the loose with a mad scientist

JIM GORDON’S DOMESTIC BULLSHIT

THAT’S THE CLIFFHANGER

Me: Because a superhero drama show really needs to base its cliffhangers around the pulse pounding question of which woman Jim Gordon is going to disappoint in bed of an evening

My Girlfriend: RIVETING

Me: So what have we learned this week babe?

My Girlfriend: We learned that Gotham is a city with NO ACTUAL LAWS AT ALL

Me: INDEED

Since it’s apparently fine for a mob boss to lead a lynch boss into acts of brutal murder and then face NO CONSEQUENCES FOR IT AT ALL

My Girlfriend: HOW IS NO ONE IN JAIL FOR THIS NO REALLY HOW

Me: We learned that The Umbrella Corporation is investing heavily in the city

My Girlfriend: The T Virus needs to hurry up and wipe Gotham from the map, honestly

Me: Oh and we learned that everyone in Gotham trusts a homicidal penguin man and will follow him unquestioningly

My Girlfriend: Before the 2016 elections I’d have thought that was ridiculous, now I just think it’s a depressing snapshot of the American people

Me: Oh and how could we forget, we also learned that Jim Gordon is completely happy to cause any number of brutal deaths so long as no one he cares about gets hurt

My Girlfriend: he traded five peoples lives for the life of one alcoholic crooked cop

Me: Yes but none of those people were friends of his so its fine

[godidymos]

https://www.veteranstoday.com/2018/09/25/the-secret-history-of-9-11/

Investigations

The Gordon Duff Files

The Secret History of 9/11

Investigations

The Gordon Duff Files

The Secret History of 9/11By

Gordon Duff, Senior Editor

-September 25, 2018

Editor’s note: This is a reprint from 2016 of a recap of an investigation done between May 5, 2014 and June 2015 by select members of a combined team including but not limited to:

Gordon Duff of VT/Adamas

Ian Greenhalgh of VT

Dr. James Fetzer

Jeff Smith of VT and the International Atomic Energy Agency

Dmitri Khalezov of the Soviet 12th (Nuclear) Directorate

Jim W. Dean of VT/Adamas

Dr. Kevin Barrett

A working group from the University of California at Los Alamos/Sandia National Labs

Colonel’s James Hanke and Eugene Khrushchev

Sources within the FBI and Russian Naval Intelligence

Michael Shrimpton

and substantial works by journalists such as Wayne Madsen and others. Sorry if I am not adequately inclusive.

…by Gordon Duff with Jeff Smith and Ian Greenhalgh

[ Editor’s Note: We have another update from VT’s 9-11 A-team on the ongoing tragedy of 9-11, the reprehensible failure of our governmental, security, legal and press organizations to not be savaging the 9-11 commission fairy tale.

The real perpetrators are still out walking around, knowing they have a tried-and-true successful template in their pocket to redeploy at a time of their choosing in an updated fashion. The anomalies of 9-11 just scream out at you, yet our entire security structure seems to have been struck dumb by a secret space weapon.

Not one official with any standing at all, has challenged VT’s 9-11 reporting. That includes mass media, which, to date, has not put in one call “to learn more”, and perhaps revisit their own coverage, or should I say coverup.

But they are not all to blame, as America’s institutions have stood down on 9-11 en masse, which gives the public some cover, because they would tend to think that if the commission report really were a fraud, surely some important groups would be screaming about it.

But Gordon has the perfect answer to that. It’s one of his favorite lines, “Welcome to how the world really works.” We know VT readers care, so we will hang with you to the end on this, our end or theirs… Jim W. Dean ]

_____

– First published … October 5, 2016 –

For the first time in nearly a year, a 9/11 investigator has revealed highly classified information on the real events of 9/11, not a terror attack, but rather a nuclear attack on the United States, not a surprise at all, but one the US had expected, one predicted by a former American president and one purposefully ignored by President Clinton and quite probably facilitated by George W. Bush, who certainly empowered the cover up.

As early as 1996, insiders including former President George H.W. Bush, knew America was susceptible to nuclear terrorism. This was “The Sum of All Fears” just as depicted in the film, stolen nukes, planted beneath an iconic target, but those involved were certainly not terrorists.

LET’S BE PERFECTLY CLEAR, WERE ONE TO WATCH TODAY’S NEWS AND NOT SUSPECT THAT THE US CREATED AND HAS RUN AL QAEDA SINCE THE ONSET, ONE MIGHT BE OPERATING WITH SOMETHING LESS THAN A FULL DECK OF CARDS.

What changes things now is that, with the override of Obama’s veto by congress last week, Saudi Arabia can be sued for complicity in 9/11. There is and has been evidence of Saudi Arabian involvement, even in the limited false narrative published in the 2005 9/11 report or the supposed missing “28 pages.”

Real reports also show Mohammed Atta, the former Egyptian security officer, then with Saudi intelligence, to have been an operational planner operating from his rented apartment in Fort Lee. Where the cover-up hits home is that Atta was under surveillance by a team tasked with investigating nuclear terrorism against the US.

This team, originally headed by FBI special agent John O’Neill and later by FBI special agent Mike Dick, which was to include nuclear weapons specialist Jeff Smith, was centered in Fort Lee, New Jersey, not just to watch Atta but to watch Atta and his accomplices, which included Israeli teams who used a safehouse only blocks away.

This is the subject of the real investigation and the records of this, seized by the Department of Homeland Security, and held for release after 50 years, tell a wider story, one that involves Israel deeply at every turn, along with traitors in the Pentagon.

What we can do now is open doors for legal counsel going after Saudi Arabia. Without what is here, no counsel will be able to even be denied documents outlining witnesses and evidence that, according to the popular fictional narrative, do not exist.

If you want to cash in as the only reason to go to court, by all means, sue Saudi Arabia. But if justice is desired, go after Israel and go after its friends. We have all their names and everything required to show their complicity.

Here is what is now added to the narrative, not the official narrative, but the one based on the 2003 investigation. The following information is from the US Department of Energy Preliminary Report on the Events of September 11, 2001:

The buildings destroyed at the World Trade Center were demolished using nuclear devices brought into the US through Teterboro Airport, according to the DOE report. Investigator’s statements say that “there were no customs-only passport forms to be filled out by the flight crews. There was never any physical inspection of baggage or aircraft. “

Able Danger investigators tracked the devices through the airport and maintained surveillance of all involved until the records were seized by orders of Michael Chertoff.

When the nuclear investigation moved to Fort Lee, there had been in place a federal multi-agency task force probe into Mafia gambling operations there. It was this investigation that Mike Dick and Jeff Smith took over, surveillance on Atta, on the airport nearby and on the Israeli teams.

The destruction of Building 7 was the result of nuclear devices installed in 100 gallon Halon fire extinguishing tanks placed throughout the complex under a fire prevention equipment upgrade program, according to the US Department of Energy report.

The Teterboro airport’s security company, as of 9/11/2001, waived through illicit cargoes of all kinds.

Donald Trump and the Clinton’s used Teterboro extensively and never had their aircraft examined nor passengers subjected to customs.

This is the new information of use only to those who know the truth behind 9/11.

_______

The Story Begins:

Back in May 2014, VT received files from the real 9/11 investigation by the US Department of Energy. For those who are unaware, the DOE manufactures nuclear weapons under the innocent guise of a public utility sounding name.

Working with them, beginning on 9/12, was the International Atomic Energy Agency, part of the UN, whose investigators were in New York at the United Nations that fateful day. They picked up their Geiger counters, donned their yellow hard hats and their “Con Ed” (the power company for the City of New York) ID badges and yellow vests and began tracking the ionizing radiation signatures and taking soil samples.

Abel Danger documents on Israeli nationals arrested on 9/11. The Florida connection is the Jeb Bush connection.

Deep Background

The story began as one of nuclear proliferation, allegedly by Israel, ignored by the Clinton administration. You see, during the warming of relationships between the US and Russia, START (Strategic Arms Limitations Treaties) agreements forced the US to dismantle thousands of nuclear warheads.

The ones that came apart first were those that were oldest with plutonium cores that had converted to dangerous levels of PU240. These weapons were taken out of stockpiles, based on the date of manufacture of the cores. There were multiple reasons for this:

Oldest manufactured, most plutonium decay

Cores manufactured together would be removed, numbered and stockpiled for potential remanufacture, predicated on core from the same lot (i.e. “May 2, 1984 HANFORD 7”) representing a reserve ready to reconfigure and return to service.

You see, these lists, which cores matched which, fell into hands of an American ally, Israel. Then the cores began to disappear from the Pantex disassembly and storage facility in Amarillo, TX, not randomly, but in matched pairs, confirmation that these secret lists had been compromised, or had been asserted by our source, that Tom Countryman, who had access to the lists, had turn them over to Israel.

Former US President, George Herbert Walker Bush, from his offices on Memorial Drive in Houston TX, hired a team of investigators to look into what William Jefferson Clinton would not, perhaps because of his compromised position vis-a-vis Monica Lewinsky or some other shortcoming.

Bush hired CIA agent Roland Carnaby and Physicist and IAEA inspector Jeff Smith. Aiding them was John Wheeler III, a White House consultant and, with the FBI, John O’Neill.

Carnaby is dead, shot by police during a Houston traffic stop. Smith, with VT today, is under gag order by the secret Houston 9/11 grand jury, that sits on so much evidence, created by Michael Chertoff and John Ashcroft, tasked by Bush (43) with ending any potentially fruitful 9/11 inquiry.

John Wheeler was found in a Delaware trash dump and John O’Neill died on 9/11.

“Add to all these signs, the molten metal in the footprints of WTC 1, 2, and 7 that for three months could not be extinguished by water or daily soil changes as it consumed concrete, steel, glass, office combustibles. The increasing incidence of radiation-only cancers from residents is another tell-tale sign of a nuclear “event.” There were also aerial photographs of steam “upwellings” that were pouring out of street gratings two and three blocks south of the WTC, or Ground Zero.“Then there is the extraordinary high temperatures (800-1,300º F) of the WTC’s surface heat after 9/11. It was recorded on September 16, 2001 by NASA’s thermal-sensitive cameras in aerial photographs shot at 6,500 feet. Those data were reflected in the unusually lengthy period—September 11 to December 19—it took for extinguishing the pools of molten metals in basement levels of all three skyscrapers. In fact, the hottest surface places recorded on the “Pile” by September 16 were WTC 1 (1,376º F), WTC 2 (1,1340º F), and WTC 7 (1160ºF).”

“STEEL TOES WOULD OFTEN HEAT UP AND BECOME INTOLERABLE. THIS HEAT WAS ALSO A CONCERN FOR THE SEARCH-AND-RESCUE DOGS USED AT THE SITE. MANY WERE NOT OUTFITTED WITH PROTECTIVE BOOTIES. MORE THAN ONE SUFFERED SERIOUS INJURIES AND AT LEAST THREE DIED WHILE WORKING AT GROUND ZERO.”

“Instead of heat subsiding within a week, as is generally the case for major fires, the astronomically elevated heat levels remained for three months.” Cleanup vendor Bechtel Corporation—with 40 employees at the Pile—issued this comment about working conditions:“The debris pile at Ground Zero was always tremendously hot. Thermal measurements taken by helicopter each day showed underground temperatures ranging from 400ºF to more than 2,800ºF. The surface was so hot that standing too long in one spot softened (and even melted) the soles of our safety shoes.”

Continued…

The Houston-based team hired by GHW Bush began tracing missing nuclear pits, now numbering over 300. They found massive record keeping discrepancies between military decommissioning records and DOE transfer records. None matched or even came close. Most records were gone.

More than a thousand pits may have disappeared, but 350 is the confirmed number reported to former President GHW Bush by his investigators in 1998. They were traced as having left the Pantex facility in refrigeration trucks, where they were transferred to a fertilizer plant in West, TX.

In 2013, this facility suffered a catastrophic accident.

During the investigation of the missing pits, Jeff Smith traced them through the Port of Houston to the Canary Islands and to the African nation of Mauritania, where they were stored in an iron mine controlled by South African extremists working closely with Israel.

These same South Africans, in 1975, signed a treaty with Israel to develop weapons. On September 22, 1979, they exploded their first nuclear weapon off St. Edwards Island south of Capetown. They also developed extensive biological and chemical warfare weapons under the guidance of a Dr. Woulter Basson, a cardiologist, who developed some of the most dangerous biological weapons known to man.

South Africa developed 10 Hiroshima-type (gun type) nuclear weapons until the program was dismantled, beginning in 1991, supervised by Dr. David Kelly and his young assistant, David Cameron. Kelly was later found dead of suspected suicide, and Cameron was found, even more mysterously, ruling Britain as prime minister.

This “ratline” is one long used by “Lord of War” Victor Bout, photographed below with VT columnist Dmitri Khalezov (former Russian nuclear investigator) in the background.

This is how nuclear arsenals in a half dozen or more non-nuclear states like Saudi Arabia, Taiwan and South Korea came into being.

One of the investigators had been in New York for some time. He was living in Fort Lee, New Jersey.

The original team had been headed by John O’Neill, who had been tasked with hunting down Osama bin Laden but, in doing so, had stumbled on something very different going on, something he learned while working in Yemen. We believe he learned that bin Laden had been traveling in and out of the US, something we have confirmed, and that up to 9/11, bin Laden was actively employed by the CIA.

There are no active records of O’Neill working with Able Danger in Fort Lee, other than our direct contact with his coworkers on that assignment who claim he was forced out, publicly accused of misplacing classified information, later recovered.

Questions survive, such as why was there no attempt to deal with the nuclear threat? There had been a story passed around during the late 1990s that Israel had been storing nuclear material, perhaps even weapons, at its consulate in New York. In 2007/8 this storybegan moving around the internet but never in relation to 9/11.

This we do know

We know that specialized nuclear devices suitable for use in this type of scenario had been designed by a team at the Los Alamos National Laboratories, weapons that left little or no residual radiation unless, as was the case after 9/11, water was poured onto ground zero to cool the massive underground fires caused by melted steel mixed with liquefied granite in the form of magma, which persisted until January 2002.

We have not been able to confirm this team as being part of the nuclear conspiracy but we have confirmed that the team leader was a primary proponent of the absurd “nano-thermite” theory of detonation.

We also know that a grand jury seated in Houston actively silences all involved in Able Danger, that being the very few who survived the series of “accidents” and other mishaps. All are under threat of imprisonment for violating the Patriot Act if information revealing US government complicity in 9/11 is revealed.

A key and highly confirmed aspect of this story is the ravaged American nuclear arsenal. That documentation is “out there” as is evidence of the use of nuclear weapons by Israel, the US and others on almost two dozen occasions since 1945, according to top level sources at the International Atomic Energy Agency.

Continue to more background on Fort Lee and this trip to the other side of the mirror:

…by

Gordon Duff and Jeff Smith, Editors

________

“Down the Yellow Brick Road Once Again”

Fort Lee, New Jersey played a key role in 9/11. We are mapping out, using Google Earth, some of the incidents involved in presenting a rational response to the cover up, both the government version and the amateur “aftermarket” B-grade version. If you haven’t watched the entire video, please do that now.

George Washington Bridge

All major roadways in and out of New York were to be destroyed on 9/11. It was these teams, brought in from Israel that included the Mohammed Atta group, confirmed as directly tied to both the CIA and Egyptian intelligence, that were under surveillance by a combined task force that coordinated with local law enforcement.

So, when thousands of pounds of explosives were placed inside the cable anchorage, teams were dispatched to disable these devices as soon as the attack at the World Trade Center began.

Simultaneous to the cutting of the cables, a massive truck bomb, as described in CBS and CNN news reports and police radio intercepts, was to explode (as heard, police reported this truck did explode), taking down the roadway supports, thus dropping the bridge “like a rock,” into the Hudson River.

Downing Building 7, Hiding the Nukes

How to hide a nuke in a high rise building: make it look like a Halon fire extinguisher tank.

The Tunnels

Both the Holland and Lincoln Tunnels were to be demolished on 9-11. We have only one arrest confirmation from the Manhattan side. NYPD roadblocks at the Lincoln Tunnel chased down a van that did a quick turn-around to avoid arrest. Two suspects were arrested with weapons and a truck filled with explosives.

Police commissioner Bernie Kerik, recently released from prison, was on the scene with his personal Counter Terrorism Squad to take custody. They were never seen since.

Local Terror Cells Role

In place local assets, some with direct connections to the Ukranian “Kosher Mafia” or

1. Vehicles for hauling explosives

2. Access to Transit Authority facilities, vehicles and personnel for planting explosives

3. Cooperation with local condo/co-op security assuring unfettered access to rooftops

The Able Danger investigation, years later, staff gutted by Clinton blackmail cutbacks, tracked a major terror operation to Fort Lee, New Jersey. There they found the CIA, Mossad and Saudi Intelligence pulling together operational teams, moving vans, “art students” and even a few “dancing Israelis”….

The “dancer/art student” groups had a variety of tasks on 9/11, among them. All but one team were returned to Israel after visiting Saudi Arabia. This was the alleged “bin Laden family” that Bush ordered a special plane for.

There were no bin Laden family members in the US as Osama bin Laden had been on the official terror list for many years by 9/11, a story in itself:

Offloading nuclear weapons at Teterboro

Transporting nukes to Ground Zero locations

Preparing truck bombs for George Washington Bridge, Lincoln and Holland Tunnels and GWB cable vault

Planting jammers on buildings on exhibit one to block Port Authority dispatchers and first responder radios

Plant explosives on the New Jersey side of the George Washington Bridge where the cables are anchored, in order to collapse the bridge

Coordinate with Mohammed Atta and his group with Saudi intelligence

Of the 3 jammers locations shown below, two of those planted were recovered by the FCC and are held in evidence in Houston, Texas awaiting the “waiting until hell freezes over” Grand Jury to reconvene on Able Danger and 9/11.

Many remember the stories about how fire department radios didn’t work and how new radios would have taken care of the problem. This is the real reason for the radio problems.

The locations on this map were supplied by Jeff Smith who worked at the surveillance safe house and at the FBI office shown above. The safe house on Tom Hunter road was strategically placed to keep track of the Mossad “art student” rental further up Tom Hunter Road and across the street.

Mohammed Atta lived at 215 Main, four blocks over, within easy walking distance of the Israeli facility, the jammer targets and the bridge. He was across the parking lot from the Port Authority (220 Bruce Reynolds Road) which was within a “golf shot” of the FBI investigation offices.

It was the Port Authority that chose the security company that runs the Teterboro Airport, that waved through the cargos containing the nuclear devices for not only the trucks under the twin towers but those in the halon extinguishers that took down building 7 as well.

The real purpose of the 9/11 attack was much more than taking down the World Trade Center. Imagine New York City, the WTC “evaporated,” the George Washington Bridge sitting in the Hudson, the Lincoln and Holland Tunnels flooded, hundreds drowned and the city entirely cut off and in full panic mode while police and fire radios were jammed.

Were other attacks on Washington foiled as well? The White House or Capitol Building targets? Could martial law have been declared? Worse?

In the end we got the Department of Homeland Security. This reminds me of the Len Deighton book, SSGB, a fictional tale of Britain’s Scotland Yard, working for the German SS after Hitler’s successful invasion of the UK. We got the DHS after losing a war with AIPAC. You just can’t make this stuff up!

________

VT requests that the officers who arrested the Israeli “suspects” with the “thousands of pounds of explosives” (CNN) or who were captured “as the van exploded” come forward.

We also ask that all the witnesses of the 2nd plane that was allowed to fly out of the US that day come forward, to confirm that it carried the “exiting” Israeli team, including the above mentioned ones who were caught. We know who authorized the plane to leave, a key aspect of the operation, including the NY City law enforcement officials who performed some magic tricks that day.

________

Fort Lee

Fort Lee is the real staging ground for 9/11. It was chosen for a good reason. News reports from 9/11 have been eliminated from archives, lists of terrorists caught then released at the orders of New York City and White House officials and flown out of the country are gone. Police who made the arrests, recorded above, are under gag order.

Moreover, a vast support network involved in the preparation, planning and support of the 9/11 attacks, including the many unsuccessful attacks, not only are enjoying their freedom, some are among the most powerful Americans.

As stated, 9/11 begins in Fort Lee, New Jersey.

The “condo and co-op” community there is the home of one of the largest and most politically powerful “Israeli first” groups in America including key members of the notorious organization, JINSA, the Jewish Institute for National Security Affairs, reputed to be more influential than PNAC (Project for a New American Century) and far more militant.

AN EXAMINATION OF JINSA SHOWS IT TO BE ORGANIZED IN CELLS LIKE A TERROR GROUP.

Is it a surprise that the George Washington Bridge, Fort Lee’s primary landmark and the “view” sought by the residents of the highrises chosen for planting the radio jammers, was scheduled for a dramatic demolition on 9/11 with hundreds of commuter vehicles slated for the bottom of the Hudson River?

Fort Lee Mafia

Since the 1930s, Fort Lee has been a “mob town,” with the beginnings of “Murder Inc” and the Albert Anastasia gang and Joe Adonis. It all began when New York Mayor LaGuardia threw the mob out of New York. The new George Washington Bridge provided a home for the mob in Fort Lee with gambling clubs lining the Palisades on both sides of the GW Bridge.

The fall of communism saw Russian/Ukranian organized crime come to New Jersey, settling in Fort Lee (see Appendix I). The Taiwanchik-Trincher group is an amalgamation of Israeli/Ukrainian/Cypriot gangs operating illegal gambling operations throughout the United States with ties to the Romney/Bain financial group. From an indictment in Manhattan federal court:

“The Taiwanchik-Trincher Organization (the “Organization”) was a criminal enterprise with strong ties to Russia and Ukraine. The enterprise operated a high-stakes, illegal sports gambling business out of New York City that catered primarily to Russian oligarchs living in Ukraine and Russia. Between 2006 and April 2012, the enterprise laundered approximately $100 million in proceeds from their gambling operation in Russia and Ukraine through shell companies and bank accounts in Cyprus; and of this $100 million, approximately $50 million was subsequently sent from Cyprus into the United States. Once the money had been transferred to the United States, it was either laundered through additional shell companies or invested in legitimate investments, such as hedge funds and real estate.

The Taiwanchik-Trincher Organization operated under the protection of Alimzhan Tokhtakhounov, who is known as a “Vor,” a term translated as “Thief-in-Law,” that refers to a member of a select group of high-level criminals from the former Soviet Union. Tokhtakhounov is also under indictment in the Southern District of New York for his alleged involvement in bribing officials at the 2002 Winter Olympics held in Salt Lake City, Utah. Tokhtakhounov is a fugitive and is still being sought.”

Further Reading – Background Articles

Breakthrough: Video Case for War with Israel over 9/11

Suppressed/Classified: America’s Secret Thermobaric Nukes

Blockbuster: Wikileaks Suppressed, Mossad Ran 9/11 Arab hijacker terrorist operation

Breaking: 9/11, Filling in the Map, Tracing the Nukes

Debunking the 28 Pages, Top Secret 9/11 Document Revealed

9-11 Revelations continue, Humiliating the victims, Dancing on their Graves

The Problem with Cold Fusion and How small can a Nuclear Reaction Be?

The B-61, the more Usable Nuke

VT Nuclear Education: North Korea Fission-Fusion (Hydrogen bomb) Device Claim Doubted

The Secret of America’s Doomsday Waste

VT Nuclear Education: The History of Nuclear Weapons Design 1945 to 2015

VT Nuclear Education: The Uranium Hydride Bomb

VT Nuclear Education: Subcritical and microfission explosives

VT Nuclear Education – Freon and the Hohlraum

The Secret Nazi role in Building the Atomic Bomb

How the Nazi A-Bomb Worked

VT Nuclear Education: Critical Mass

VT Nuclear Education: Laser and Nuke Weapon Calculator

VT Nuclear Education: Germany

9/11 Science: Craters and Explosive Damage

Neutron Bombs and Other Toys

NEO: Building Nuclear Case Against Saudis

VT Nuclear Education: The Secrets of EMP Weapons

VT Nuclear Education: Explosive Properties of Reactor Grade Plutonium

Nukes on Yemen, Confirming Proofs: Yield Estimation from Illumination Time

Nukes on Yemen, Confirming Proofs: Introduction to Nuclear Operations

Nukes on Yemen-Confirming Proofs: Calculating Nuclear Blast Yield from the Flash

How Israel Was Busted Nuking Yemen

Saudis Have Israel Nuke Yemen for Them

VT Warning of EMP Plot Confirmed by Guardian

VT Nuke Education: Thorium Warnings

VT Nuclear Education: CIA/Iran Trial and more disclosure

NEO – CIA Torture Report Ties Cheney/Bout to 9/11 Nukes

The DOE Defends Nuclear 9/11

Too Classified to Publish: Bush Nuclear Piracy Exposed

Nuke Cancer from 9/11 Revealed

9/11 NUKE DEMOLITION PROOF: Firefighters Radiation Cancers “Off the Scale”

Doc Submitted By Russian Intel

Constructing the Nuclear Child

VT Nuclear Education Series

Nuclear Education Series: Dimona Classified

VT Nuclear Terrorism Education Series

VT Nuclear Education: Undeniable Proof of 9/11 as a Nuclear Event

VT Nuclear Education: As the Hammer Drops

VT Nuclear Education: Mossad/N. Korea Links, MOX

Nuclear Roundtable: America’s Nuclear Arsenal

Officials Cite “Thermo-Nuke” in 9/11 Demo

VT Nuclear Education: Fission Based Thermobaric Weapons

IAEA investigators: Audit reveals US, not Iran the Problem

VT Supporting Material on 9/11, Nuclear Physics and Disclosure Issues

Encyclopedia of Domestic Assassinations (The First 1%)

VT Nuclear Education: Anti – gravity

NEO – Mini Nukes and M16: The Economy of War (must read)

VT Nuclear Education: Nukes in Iraq, Confirmation UPDATED

VT Flexing Its Nuclear Muscle (must read)

Nuclear 9/11 Revealed: Theories and Disinformation, the Misguided and the Inhuman (must read)

VT Nuclear Education: Tactical Nuclear Warfare (must read)

VT Nuclear Education: Early Reactors

IAEA investigators: Audit reveals US, not Iran the problem (must read)

VT Nuclear Education: History of Mini-Nukes (must read)

VT Nuclear Education: Answering the Hype (must read)

VT Nuclear Education: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Atom Smasher (must read)

VT Nuclear Education: LENR Neutron Distribution

Einsteins Theory on Magnetic Buoyancy

VT Science: Fuel Cell Technology

VT Science: The Farnsworth Fusor

VT Science: HAARP

Fusion: Junk Science For Rubes

NEO – Nuclear Threats Enter the Mainstream (must read)

VT Science: NASA’s Low Energy Fusion VooDoo/DooDoo

The Connection Between Aurora and Black Triangles (Redux)

Jeff Smith on Upcoming Able Danger Leak

VT Nuclear Education: Japan

VT Nuclear Education: Detonations and Deceit

9/11 Hokum: Deconstructing Christopher Bollyn and Steve Jones

Why are the Commanding Generals being Sacked?

Appendix I

List of recent Fort Lee organized crime convictions:

“Twenty-eight defendants in this case have pled guilty and two have entered into deferred prosecution agreements. The defendants who have pled to date have agreed to forfeit, in total, more than $68 million. The following defendants have pled guilty, and have been sentenced or await sentencing:

Bryan Zuriff pled guilty to gambling charges on July 26, 2013, and was sentenced on November 25, 2013.

William Barbalat pled guilty to gambling charges on August 14, 2013, and was sentenced on December 16, 2013.

Kirill Rapoport pled guilty to gambling charges on August 16, 2013, and was sentenced on December 19, 2014.

Edwin Ting and Justin Smith pled guilty to gambling charges on September 4, 2013, and were sentenced on January 21, 2014, and January 6, 2014, respectively.

Dmitry Druzhinsky and David Aaron pled guilty to gambling charges on October 4, 2013, and were sentenced on April 18, 2014, and February 14, 2014, respectively.

Alexander Zaverukha pled guilty to gambling charges on October 10, 2013, and is scheduled to be sentenced on May 1, 2014.

Nicholas Hirsch pled guilty to conspiring to commit wire fraud on October 16, 2013, and was sentenced on February 25, 2014.

Anatoly Shteyngrob pled guilty to conspiring to commit money laundering on October 17, 2013, and is scheduled to be sentenced on June 10, 2014.

Yugeshwar Rajkumar pled guilty to gambling charges on October 18, 2013, and was sentenced on March 25, 2014.

Stan Greenberg pled guilty to conspiring to commit racketeering on October 22, 2013, and is scheduled to be sentenced on May 2, 2014.

Arthur Azen pled guilty to conspiring to commit money laundering and conspiring to collect extensions of credit by extortionate means on November 5, 2013, and was sentenced on April 9, 2014.

Hillel Nahmad pled guilty to gambling charges on November 12, 2013, and was sentenced on April 30, 2014.

Vadim Trincher pled guilty to conspiring to commit racketeering on November 14, 2013, and was sentenced on April 30, 2014.

Eugene Trincher pled guilty to gambling charges on November 14, 2013, and is scheduled to be sentenced on June 9, 2014.

Anatoly Golubchik pled guilty to conspiring to commit racketeering on November 15, 2013, and was sentenced on April 29, 2014.

Illya Trincher pled guilty to gambling charges on November 15, 2013, and is scheduled to be sentenced on May 8, 2014.

Ronald Uy pled guilty to structuring financial transactions on November 25, 2013, and was sentenced on March 27, 2014.

Moshe Oratz pled guilty to gambling charges on December 3, 2013, and was sentenced on April 9, 2014.

Michael Sall pled guilty to interstate travel in aid of an unlawful activity (illegal gambling) and Jonathan Hirsch pled guilty to gambling charges on December 4, 2013. Sall was sentenced on April 18, 2014, and Hirsch is scheduled to be sentenced on May 9, 2014.

Noah Siegel pled guilty to gambling charges on December 5, 2013, and was sentenced on April 10, 2014.

Molly Bloom pled guilty to gambling charges on December 12, 2013, and is scheduled to be sentenced on May 2, 2014.

Alexander Katchaloff pled guilty to gambling charges on January 16, 2014, and is scheduled to be sentenced on May 20, 2014.

Donald McCalmont, John Jarekci, a/k/a “John Hanson,” and Abraham Mosseri pled guilty to making a fraudulent tax statement, to failing to file a tax return, and causing a financial institution to participate in a lottery related matter, respectively, on January 24, 2014, and are scheduled to be sentenced on May 29, 2014, May 28, 2014, and May 21, 2014, respectively.

William Edler and Peter Feldman entered into deferred prosecution agreements on April 11, 2014.

Mr. Bharara praised the investigative work of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the New York City Police Department, and the Internal Revenue Service.

The case is being prosecuted by the Office’s Violent and Organized Crime Unit. Assistant U.S. Attorneys Harris M. Fischman, Joshua A. Naftalis, Peter J. Skinner, and Kristy J. Greenberg of the Violent and Organized Crime Unit are in charge of the prosecution. Assistant U.S. Attorney Alexander Wilson of the Office’s Money Laundering and Asset Forfeiture Unit is responsible for the forfeiture aspects of the case.

[newlabours]

can you tell us the story of when you gordon brown?

Do you remember in the EU ref when David Cameron realised he was losing Labour voters and sent Gordon Brown to Leicester to make a *Jim Waterson voice* Major Intervention™?Much was my rejoicing, for Leicester is five minutes by train and we had never before been blessed with one of Gordon’s Interventions™.

It had the full range of Gordon staples - pacing, nerd jokes about George Brown and Lula, insulting Michael Gove, the lot. He also made a reference to ‘my-’ *wry grin* ‘-great friend, Peter Mandelson…’ which got a big laugh.

When the press got to ask questions one of them asked him about a thing he’d said and he got FURIOUS and denied having ever said the thing and insulted the journalist so I have now actually watched Gordon Brown in a rage and it’s both intimidating and oddly pitiable. Like when kids with anger management issues go nuts.

The weirdest thing is that Gordon Brown is not a huge amount taller or broader than average but he manages to project a sense that he is. He radiates a sort of compressed energy. He seems to take up twice the actual space he does. Ali Campbell feels imposing because he’s a genuinely enormous bastard but idk how Gordon Brown manages it.

Anyway it was a great day and his hair looked very nice. 

[aion-rsa]

Captain Marvel: Who is Mar-Vell?

https://ift.tt/2XORKG5

Before Carol Danvers was Captain Marvel, there was a Kree warrior named Mar-Vell...

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Feature

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Marc Buxton

Marvel

Mar 9, 2019

Captain Marvel

It is not a stretch to say that we are indeed living in the age of Captain Marvel. But as awesome as Carol Danvers is, the legacy of Captain Marvel did not began with her. Well, the legacy of Captain Marvel doesn’t begin with Marvel either, but that's way too drawn out to get into here. Needless to say, Carol wasn't the first Marvel character to hold the Captain Marvel title, that would be a Kree warrior named Mar-Vell.

And it is with this Captain our story begins. So before you enjoy Captain Marvel on the big screen, strap on your Nega-bands and join us as we present the rich history of Captain Mar-Vell, the hero that paved the way for Carol Danvers...

What’s in a Name?

Captain Mar-Vell was created by Stan Lee and Gene Colan and first appeared in Marvel Super-Heroes #12 (1967) and it all started with a name. So, let’s talk everything Kree. Stan Lee and Jack Kirby introduced the Kree in Fantastic Four #65 (1967). Just a few months later, Lee continued the story of the Kree in the aforementioned Marvel Super-Heroes #12. In this issue, the world meets the Kree Captain Mar-Vell. A white skinned Kree (the Kree can either be white or greenish/blue skinned) who is sent to Earth to spy on its inhabitants. Mar-Vell takes the human identity of Walter Lawson and oft times dons his (awful) green-and-white Kree uniform to protect the people he is supposed to be spying on. Originally, Mar-Vell was a Flash Gordon type who used laser guns and other space tech to defend the Earth. There was a wonderful Stan Lee irony to Mar-Vell as he was always torn between protecting the humans he admired and his duty to the Kree. It was a quality set up, but it just didn’t have the gravitas of other Marvel characters of the era.

It seemed like Mar-Vell’s origins were cobbled together so Marvel Comics could have a place holder for the Captain Marvel name. While some vital Kree concepts like the Supreme Intelligence, Ronan the Accuser, and the Sentry robots were either created or explored in Captain Mar-Vell’s stories, sales sagged and the book just didn’t have the same energy as Lee’s other creations.

read more: Captain Marvel Ending Explained

That didn’t stop Marvel from ditching the character from the Marvel Super-Heroes anthology and giving him his own book. There were some vital Marvel concepts and characters introduced in Cap’s solo title, the most important of which was a certain Air Force captain who would go on to great things in the decades to come. Captain Carol Danvers makes her debut in Marvel Super-Heroes #13 (1968). She is the security chief of the base where Walter Lawson does his thing. Lawson and Danvers become friends and in Captain Marvel #1 (1968), she gets caught in an explosion of A Kree device and suffers some serious injuries. Turns out, the device grants Danvers Kree like abilities and when she resurfaces years later as Ms. Marvel, her and Mar-Vell’s stories take a parallel course. 

Clothes Make the Man

In Captain Marvel #16 (1969) by Archie Goodwin and Don Heck, Mar-Vell begins his journey to become a Marvel legend. The past few issues, the new creative teams spent time ridding the Captain Marvel title of its supporting characters (except for a certain Ms. Danvers, of course). These issues also introduced the Supreme Intelligence, a green floating head potato made up of the combined intellect of the best members of the Kree race. In a power play, Ronan the Accuser (ya’ll remember him) and Mar-Vell’s arch nemesis Yon-Rogg team up to kill the Supreme Intelligence (how do you kill an intelligence? A Fox News marathon? I’M KIDDING...not really). Mar-Vell saves the Supreme Intelligence and is rewarded with new powers and a snazzy new Gil Kane designed costume (Kane would take over the art chores in the next ish of Captain Marvel).

read more: Captain Marvel Post Credits Scenes Explained

Mar-Vell now went from a Buck Rogers style space jockey to a nigh omnipotent alien superman. He could crush any substance, transport himself across any distance, fly at the speed of light, and mentally project illusions. The newly designed Cap leaped off the page and he was ready for bold new adventures. But there were more changes ahead and one of them was a pure homage to the Golden Age.

The Nega Bands

I think you all know that the original Shazam version of Captain Marvel gains his powers when Billy Batson says the magic word of "Shazam!" That transformative aspect of the character would be homaged in the pages of Marvel's Captain Marvel when Cap is blasted by radiation which traps the Kree hero in the Negative Zone. The Supreme Intelligence, helpful verdant potato that he is, mentally connects Mar-Vell to one Rick Jones. For those not in the know, Rick Jones had been a supporting character in Hulk, Avengers, Captain America, and had become something of a Marvel journeyman. Well, now Jones was in Captain Marvel.

read more: Complete Guide to Captain Marvel Easter Eggs

Mar-Vell telepathically leads Jones to a cosmic weapon known as the Nega-bands. When Jones is compelled to knock the wrist bands together, he and Captain Mar-Vell switch places. Captain Marvel writer Roy Thomas was a lifelong Shazam fan and did his level best to gift Marvel Comics with its very own cosmic version of the character. From there, Jones became an indispensable part of the Captain Mar-Vell legend. It seemed like Rick, the constant sidekick to Marvel’s greatest heroes, was the missing ingredient to Captain Marvel as the title and lead characters were off to explore the cosmic side of the Marvel Universe.

Kree Skrull War

Any discussion on Mar-Vell would be incomplete without looking at Avengers #89-97 (1971-1972) by Roy Thomas, John Buscema, Neal Adams, and Sal Buscema. In these classic issues, the Kree-Skrull War begins, and Mar-Vell is one of the main catalysts. This was next level cosmic comic storytelling that set the tone and standard for just about every Marvel space tale moving forward, and our good Captain was right in the middle of it.

read more - Captain Marvel: Who Are the Skrulls?

The Jim Starlin Years

In Captain Marvel #24 (1973), writer Marv Wolfman welcomed a new artist aboard, a young man named Jim Starlin. Starlin would go on to become the most important creator in Mar-Vell history. At first with co-writer Mike Friedrich, and later, flying the space winds solo as both writer and penciller, Starlin took Mar-Vell to new heights. During Starlin’s epic run, the writer took the cosmic grandeur established by Jack Kirby and Stan Lee in such stories as The Galactus Trilogy and continued by Roy Thomas in The Kree-Skrull War, wrapped it all up in a button of peyote and downed it with a jug of bathtub moonshine to create one of the watershed moments of the Bronze Age.

read more: The Comics History and Origin of Captain Marvel Explained

In his short run on Iron Man, Starlin introduced two new characters to the Marvel Universe, Drax the Destroyer and some space villain guy named Thanos. You may have heard of him. While Starlin’s Iron Man run was short lived, the writer shunted his new creations over to Captain Marvel setting the stage for one of the greatest cosmic epics of all time. During his run on Mar-Vell, Starlin introduced the character Eon, a fungus-like entity of immense cosmic might who became a mentor to Mar-Vell. Eon names Mar-Vell Protector of the Universe and separates Rick Jones and Mar-Vell, leaving him free to fly the cosmos on his own. And boy, does he.

read more: How Did Nick Fury Lose His Eye?

Eon gifts Mar-Vell with cosmic awareness, the ability to be aware off all corners of space and time at once. So basically, he is constantly tripping balls. Mar-Vell soon becomes mixed up with Drax and Thanos as the former becomes obsessed with killing the Mad Titan as Thanos quests to find the realty altering Cosmic Cube. Yes, Thanos goes on a quest to find a way to alter reality to honor his love, the Mistress Death. Sound familiar? This is the same power lust that inspires Thanos to quest for the Infinity Gems (in comics they are gems, damn it!), and we all know how that turns out. Indeed, Starlin is the writer who continued the saga of Thanos in the pages of Adam Warlock’s comic and into the immortal saga of The Infinity Gauntlet. Hey, Infinity Gauntlet was adapted into a film. You may have seen it.

In those pages, Starlin showed the world what a multi-faceted threat Thanos could be but he also finally defined Mar-Vell  as its cosmic protector. Starlin’s ideas were like a blacklight poster come to life, and while he only had one more Captain Marvel story in him, and it would be the most tragic tale of all.

The Death of Captain Marvel

In Starlin’s final issue of Captain Marvel, issue #34 (1974) to be exact, Mar-Vell encounters the villainous Nitro. It might seem like a fun but typical punch up, but Starlin later reveals that during the conflict, Marv is exposed to Compound 13 nerve gas. The highly radioactive substance infects Mar-Vell with incurable cancer. Mar-Vell’s final days are recounted in The Death of Captain Marvel (1982). There is no magic wand, no cosmic cure, and no divine intervention; instead, Starlin presents the noble last days of a hero.

read more: Captain Marvel Comics Reading Order

As Mar-Vell awaits his death on the moon of Titan, Earth’s heroes race to find a cure. Meanwhile, Mar-Vell’s friends and foes arrive one by one to honor the soon to be fallen hero, the Skrulls award their Kree adversary their highest military honor for his persistence in battle, and Mar-Vell dies quietly, bravely. Then, the specter of Thanos arrives (the Titan was also dead at the time) to guide Captain Mar-Vell to the afterlife.

It is not an insult when I write that the greatest thing Captain Mar-Vell did was die. His final story is unforgettable, chilling, and poignant. The death story was so powerful that it would be impossible for Marvel Comics to undo it. It would somehow cheapen the moment and minimize the suffering of real warriors who battled cancer. So because of Starlin’s final Mar-Vell tale, the good Captain was no more. Yes, there would be some journeys to the afterlife where heroes would meet Mar-Vell again and there was even a teased return during the Secret Invasion event of the mid-2000s, but that turned out to be a Skrull in disguise. Mar-Vell is still dead/

But his legacy would live on stronger than ever. After the tragic death, the hero Monica Rambeau took up the Captain Marvel name. Captain Mar-Vell’s son Genis would take up his father’s mantle as well. While Rambeau and Genis are fantastic characters in their own right (Rambeau would become Photon and Genis Legacy), it was not until Carol Danvers took up the legacy of her friend Mar-Vell that Marvel Comics found lasting success with the Captain Marvel name. But as we enter the next phase of the Captain Marvel story, let us never forget the life and death of Marvel’s first hero that took the name that has inspired so many.

read more: Complete Schedule of Upcoming Marvel Movies

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[jeromevalseka]

Poly ships for consideration: barbs x lee x tabitha and barbs x lee x gordon (each trio shares one brain cell and lee has it 90% of the time). Also penguin x gordon x riddler. They all try to kill each other because none of them know to deal with their feelings. They radiate chaotic bi energy (penguins energy is gay tho)

all of these? are making me lose my mind????

1. barbara x lee x tabitha is probably the most powerful thing i’ve ever heard like!!!! the competence!!!!! 

2. barbara x lee x jim already owns my whole heart so like. i’m sold. 

3. edward x jim x oswald is like overflowing with messy history AND combines two of the best jim ships so..........wow