#John's letter is heartbreaking

[girlinthefireplace16]

Lost Rewatch - 5x06 316

“Stop thinking how ridiculous it is, and start asking yourself, whether or not, you believe it's going to work. That's why it is called "leap of faith", Jack.”

[the-possibly-immortal-writer]

I wish I could put my feelings to words the way this master does, I am a hack in comparison. Gods, this hits close.

[cultofbeatles]

my day could be going fine and then i’ll think of the last sentence from this letter and become incredibly sad.

Source: Tune In: The Beatles: All These Years by Mark Lewisohn

[cupidford]

The Telltale Heart by Calais_Reno

A fable in which John meets Sherlock Holmes, a man missing his heart.

Johnlock Love Letters #2295

Happy Valentine’s Day!

[topsyturvy-turtely]

scarred from within

a/n: turtely is hurting so obviously one of my bois needs to hurt too.

a/n2.0: i am sorry.

✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗

laying in bed. tears streaming down his cheekbones, into his ears. he hated that feeling of salt drops coming out of him and finding their way back into his body. as if they wanted to crawl back inside. as if his feelings wanted to bury themselves somewhere deep inside, where they couldn't be accessed anymore.

he hated that feeling, but he let it happen. he couldn't bring himself to care enough about his stupid tears in his poor ears to wipe them away.

feeling another tear breaking its way outside, just to hide in his hair again, sherlock thought of him. of all the sweet niceties. of appreciating words, of soft touches. the words never saying enough, the touches never lasting long enough.

his chest hurt and he thought it was ridiculous. heartache? because of an emotion? what a not-at-all-sociopathic thing to have.

and yet. here he was. aching with heartbreak.

hating mary for marrying the love of his life. hating the love of his life for having a different love of his life. love of your life - what does that even mean? sherlock sighed. he knew exactly what it meant to him: that he wanted to do everything with john. he wanted to solve crimes, and run through half of london, knowing he was right behind him. he wanted to talk with john - he always managed to bring the too many, too big, too fast thoughts into some kind of order with his simplicity. but it meant so much more to him than that. it meant that the thought of john was the only thing that kept him alive during his time in serbia. one whiplash - his imaginary john running towards him. second whiplash - john yelling his name. a third whiplash - a hand on his cheek. a fourth - imaginary john telling him to hold on. a fifth - telling him to be strong. a sixth - so he can come home to him. a seventh whiplash - so he can fix him. john would fix him, when he got home. he'd mend his wounded skin, his broken ego, his weakened mind.

that is what he believed in.

he never thought john would hit him too. he never realised his life scrambled the second he stepped over that rooftop. into the nothingness. and fell. he never realised that the mat underneath would not actually save him.

his heart had cracked back then. when he was laying on the concrete - blood all over his face, stinging his eyes, sticking in his hair - but it was john's voice, so weak, so hurt that cracked that thing in his chest. back then he thought "it is for the best. i am doing this for you. i'll come back for you and we'll be okay."

but it wasn't for the best. he had come back for john. and they were not okay.

and for the first time in his life sherlock realised what people meant when they said their heart was broken. there was no way it could ever heal from this.

sherlock felt this with such devastating certainty, it pricked new tears from his eyes. and it felt like those tears were sandpaper, scraping traces of sorrow into his face.

he almost laughed- it sounded and felt like a sob. ironic: he once thought his back was scarred, broken his skin apart, but he was still whole inside, because of john. now he felt broken from within... and his face... was scarred by tears. because of john.

✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗✘✗

a/n: i'll write this with capital letters some time and upload it on ao3. rn this felt like it needed to be written without them.

tag list! (tell me if you wanna be added or removed please 💚) @justanobsessedpan @helloliriels @catlock-holmes @fluffbyday-smutbynight @inevitably-johnlocked @hisfavouritejumper @rhasima @forfucksakejohn @ohlooktheresabee @turbulenttrouble @so-youre-unattached-like-me @totallysilvergirl @peanitbear @train-mossman @loki-lock @smulderscobie @timberva @grace-in-the-wilderness @chinike @jawnn-watson @whatnext2020 @escapingthereality @missdeliadili @kettykika78 @musingsofmyown @7-percent @speedymoviesbyscience @astudyin221b @francj15 @ladylindaaa @we-r-loonies @mxster-jocale @sherlockcorner @noahspector @our-stars-graveside @jobooksncoffee @baker-street-blog @macgyvershe @myladylyssa @battledress @a-victorian-girl @dreamerofthemeadow @oetkb12 @ohnoesnotagain @mutedsilence @jawnscoffee @raenchaosandcozyadashofmurder @lisbeth-kk @quickslvxrr @compact-and-beautiful

[lisbeth-kk]

Sherlock fandom.

Hold Me

Sherlock thought his heart broke when his grandmother died. He was wrong. It got a crack, sure, but it was nothing compared to the heartbreak he felt when Victor walked out of his life without any explanation. 

Please, tell me what I’ve done wrong! I can fix this. I promise you. Anything, Victor. Please. Sherlock.

The letter was never answered.

Sherlock wanted to drown himself in the nearest river or rob the medical cabinet in Matron’s office and OD on whichever substances it contained. He never got the chance to do either because Mycroft turned up at Cambridge and took him away to their favourite place in France, their grandmother’s family home. 

After a week of fresh air, delicious food and Mycroft’s advice, Sherlock was able to shut the door to his heart. Infinitely.

“Seal it tight, brother mine. Only then can you be certain to never get hurt again. Sentiment is never an advantage.”

Sherlock was grateful to his brother for the advice. It worked and slowly the thought of Victor and what they had faded, and he was almost successful in deleting it. Almost.

He was always confident when he faced danger and criminals. Every word he spoke was the truth, unless he was lying to get a confession or trick said criminals. But that kind of lie came out easy and confident as well, because it was part of the game. His voice never faltered or showed signs of distress. He was quite certain he would pass a lie detector test if required.

***

It came as a shock to him that lying to Moriarty was futile. When he told the villain that he had no heart and Moriarty contradicted him, Sherlock knew he was beaten. 

John Hamish Watson, who thought himself to be ordinary and unworthy, did something no one had ever accomplished. By being himself, never put off by Sherlock’s odd behaviour, always praising his deductions, protecting him from harm’s way from day one, he’d torn the seal over Sherlock’s heart to shreds. It lay bare for anyone to crush and break, and Moriarty knew. The most dangerous man Sherlock had ever encountered knew his weak point, that he was human and not a stranger to sentiment and love. 

Sherlock could barely breathe after he’d tossed away the bomb jacket John had been wearing. John who’d urged Sherlock to run. John who’d been willing to die so Sherlock could live. 

He tried to stand up, but his feet wouldn’t cooperate, and he sunk to the floor, his head slumped forward. Meeting John’s eyes was out of the question. His own eyes would reveal too much now that he was utterly shaken and out of control.

A sound broke the silence. It was a choked sob. Sherlock realised it came from his own throat and tried to fight his transport to regain his normal superior posture but in vain. He was trembling all over. 

Warm hands on his shoulders startled him and all his defences broke when John spoke.

“Come here,” he said softly and pulled Sherlock to him.

Without hesitating or giving his movements a second thought, Sherlock encircled John’s back with his arms and held on for dear life. He rested his head on John’s shoulder finding comfort in the familiar scent from John’s skin.

“Hold me,” Sherlock whispered almost inaudible. “Please, John.”

And John held him as tight as Sherlock had ever been held. Sweet words were murmured into his hair.

“I’ve got you. Always. Don’t shut me out anymore, Sherlock. Let me love you the way you deserve. Please?”

*** 

Sherlock had thought it would be awkward once they returned to Baker Street, but John was nothing but determined when he’d set his mind to something. John showered first and when Sherlock came out from the bathroom, John was waiting for him and simply took his hand and led him to the bedroom.

Before Sherlock fell asleep in John’s arms, he asked John to promise something.

“Keep my heart safe, John. It won’t survive another break.”

And John, wonderful John, promised. Without blinking or hesitating. 

“I promise, my love. Your heart is safe with me. Always.”

@flashfictionfridayofficial @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @calaisreno @a-victorian-girl @phoenix27884 @peanitbear @safedistancefrombeingsmart @gregorovitchworld @helloliriels @topsyturvy-turtely @raina-at @7-percent @ninasnakie @sabsi221b

[mccall-muffin]

The Lady and the Major - Part 3/3 // John "Bucky" Egan x OC

Summary: Bucky is gone. For Liz, a world fell apart. But being the daughter of a duke, there still are responsibilities.

Warnings: Language, loss, slight depression, family duties, family fight. FLUUUUFF

A/N: And now this little story comes to an end. It was fun :) Hope you enjoyed it!

Here is my Masterlist

Tags: @liebgotts-lovergirl, @softly-writes, @mads-weasley, @brassknucklespeirs, @softguarnere, @shesgonna

London, Early 1944

The vibrant correspondence between Liz and Bucky, once a source of joy and anticipation for Liz, has fallen into a distressing silence since October 1943. Each letter she sent without receiving a reply added another layer to her growing concern and heartache. Liz's letters, once filled with playful banter and teasing affection, have grown more earnest, culminating in a confession of her deepening feelings for Bucky—a letter that, like its predecessors, remains unanswered.

The once lively spark in Liz's eyes has dimmed, noted by all who know her but most acutely by Mrs. Baxter, who has served the Cavendish family for years and has come to hold a particular fondness for Liz. It's a quiet afternoon when Mrs. Baxter finds Liz in the garden, her laughter at something in a book not quite reaching her eyes, a shadow of her usual vibrancy.

"Miss Elizabeth," Mrs. Baxter begins, her voice laced with concern, "you've been ever so down lately. It's not like you to let the world weigh on your shoulders. Is it that young American soldier? You've not mentioned him in quite some time."

Liz, caught off guard, closes her book, a sigh escaping her lips. "Yes, it's Bucky. I've not heard from him since October. I fear the worst, Mrs. Baxter. But part of me wonders... what if he's simply moved on? Or found someone else? Or worse..." Her voice is a mix of sadness and fear, the possibility of Bucky being gone forever a thought she can barely entertain.

Mrs. Baxter, wise in the ways of the heart and the harsh realities of war, shakes her head. "Miss Elizabeth, the way that boy wrote to you, I can't imagine him simply forgetting about you or finding another. It doesn't sit right. Why don't you write to his superior? Just to ask, to know for certain."

The suggestion stirs a turmoil within Liz. The thought of reaching out to Colonel Harding, of whom Bucky told her, is daunting, not only for fear of seeming desperate but also for the terrifying possibility that her worst fears might be confirmed—that Bucky is indeed lost to her, either through death or by a change of heart.

"But what if I find out he's..." Liz can't finish the sentence, the fear of Bucky's potential death choking her words.

"Miss Elizabeth," Mrs. Baxter says, taking Liz's hand in her own, "not knowing is a torment all its own. It's clear you care for him deeply and living in this limbo isn't fair to you. Writing to that Colonel might bring you the clarity you need to move forward, one way or another."

Liz contemplates Mrs. Baxter's words, the wisdom in them undeniable yet terrifying to act upon. The possibility of learning that Bucky is indeed gone is a reality she's not sure she's ready to face. Yet, the perpetual state of not knowing, of holding onto a thread of hope mixed with fear, is its own kind of purgatory.

After a moment of silent contemplation, Liz nods, a decision made. "You're right, Mrs. Baxter. I'll write to his Colonel. It's better to know than to spend my days wondering 'what if.'"

Mrs. Baxter squeezes Liz's hand reassuringly, offering a smile that's both encouraging and sympathetic. "Whatever the response, Miss Elizabeth, you won't face it alone. We're all here for you, always."

With a newfound resolve, albeit one shadowed by apprehension, Liz sets out to pen a letter to Colonel Harding, seeking the truth about Bucky's fate. It's a step fraught with the risk of heartbreak but also the only path toward peace, whether it leads to closure or rekindles a flicker of hope.

Dear Colonel Harding,

I hope this letter finds you well amidst the challenging circumstances that I know the brave men under your command face daily. I am writing to you with a heavy heart and a hopeful spirit, seeking information about Major John Egan, who I believe is (or was) under your esteemed leadership.

It has been several months since I last heard from Major Egan, and his silence is uncharacteristic and deeply concerning. We had been in regular correspondence until October of last year, after which all communication ceased abruptly. Understanding the nature of his duty and the risks involved, I am painfully aware of the potential reasons for his silence.

However, the not knowing has become a burden too heavy to bear, and so I find myself reaching out to you, Colonel, in hopes that you might be able to provide any information regarding Major Egan's status. It is my deepest hope that he is safe and well, but if that is not the case, I am prepared to face whatever truth there might be.

Major Egan spoke very highly of you and his fellow soldiers, and it is clear he holds great respect for the sacrifices and efforts of the 100th Bombardment Group. It is in this spirit of respect and concern that I reach out to you now.

Any information you can provide would be immensely appreciated, not only by me but by all who care for Major Egan.

I thank you in advance for your time and assistance in this matter and for your service to our countries. Please extend my gratitude and best wishes to the courageous men under your command.

Yours sincerely, Lady Elizabeth Cavendish of Wellington

Dear Lady Elizabeth Cavendish,

It is with a heavy heart that I write to you regarding Major John Egan. First, let me express my deepest gratitude for your kind words, the respect you've shown towards our unit, and the sacrifices made by our servicemen. It is the support and thoughtfulness of individuals like yourself that bolster our spirits in these trying times.

Regarding Major Egan, I regret to inform you that his plane was shot down during a mission over Münster, Germany, on October 10th. The circumstances were such that we have been unable to ascertain his whereabouts following the incident, and as of this moment, Major Egan is classified as Missing in Action (MIA).

This news is undoubtedly difficult to receive, and it is shared with the greatest sympathy and respect for your connection to Major Egan. Please know that our efforts to learn more about his status continue unabated, and any new information will be communicated to you as soon as possible.

Major Egan is remembered among his peers for his bravery, leadership, and the indelible mark he left on all who had the privilege of knowing him. In these challenging times, we hold onto hope and the belief in the resilience of the human spirit.

Should there be any way we can be of further assistance to you during this period, please do not hesitate to reach out.

With deepest sympathies, Colonel Neil B. Harding 100th Bombardment Group United States Army Air Forces

July 1945, Hyde Park, London

The park, with its sprawling greens and tranquil ambiance, serves as a refuge for her thoughts, a place where memories of Bucky feel both painfully close and achingly distant. As she walks beside Mrs. Baxter, her mind is only half-attuned to the conversation about her impending nuptials to Lord Henry Ashcroft, a man of good standing and disposition but whom Liz regards with a sense of resigned acceptance rather than love.

Lord Henry Ashcroft, chosen by her father, was a man of considerable charm and intellect, a diplomat who had spent much of the war negotiating on behalf of Britain. While Liz could appreciate his qualities and the comfort of their companionship, her heart remained untouched, locked away with the memories of a love lost too soon.

As Mrs. Baxter prattles on, Liz's attention is stolen away by a voice, a familiar timbre that cuts through the noise of the park and straight to her soul. "Planning your grand escape, Liz? Or just hiding out from all those wedding planners your father's set on you?"

The voice, unmistakably Bucky's, sends a shockwave through her. She turns, disbelieving, to see him leaning casually against a tree, that all-too-familiar smirk playing on his lips, his arms crossed as if he's been waiting for her all this time. For a moment, Liz is frozen, her heart caught between joy and disbelief.

"Bucky?" she breathes out, her voice a whisper lost in the wind. The world around her seems to come to a standstill, the chatter of the park fading into nothingness as she takes in the sight of him. He's thinner, the signs of his ordeal evident in his eyes, but it's unmistakably him.

Bucky pushes off from the tree, taking a few steps toward her with a grin. "In the flesh," he confirms, his eyes lighting up with the warmth she remembered so well. "I must say, I've had quite the adventure. But I always knew I had to find my way back to you, Liz."

Tears well in Liz's eyes as the reality of the moment washes over her. The pain of the past two years, the resignation to a life without him, suddenly lifts, replaced by a surge of hope and love so strong it leaves her breathless.

"But how? I thought you were—" Liz starts, unable to finish, the question hanging in the air, laden with the weight of untold stories of survival and loss.

"A POW," Bucky finishes for her, his voice softening. "It was... rough. But I never stopped thinking about you, Liz. Not for a single day. It's what kept me going, knowing I had to come back to see you again."

The revelation leaves Liz reeling, the pieces of her carefully constructed resolve crumbling under the weight of her emotions. Here, before her, stands the man she believed she had lost forever, a living testament to the resilience of hope and love.

Mrs. Baxter, sensing the magnitude of the moment, discreetly withdraws with the dogs, leaving Liz and Bucky alone in their bubble of reclaimed time.

Liz steps forward, the distance between them closing with each tentative step until she's close enough to touch, to confirm that he's real and not a figment of her longing imagination. Without a word, she reaches out, her hand trembling as it meets his cheek, the contact sparking a connection that time and circumstance had failed to sever.

"Bucky, I..." Liz starts, the flood of emotions rendering her speechless.

"Shh," Bucky soothes, wrapping her in his arms, his presence a balm to the scars left by war and separation. "We have time, Liz. All the time, we thought we'd lost. We'll figure this out together."

In the embrace of the man she never stopped loving, Liz allows herself to believe in the possibility of a future she had mourned as lost. Hyde Park, once a sanctuary for her solitary reflections, now bears witness to the resurgence of a love that survived against all odds, promising a new chapter for Liz and Bucky, one where 'what if' transforms into 'what is.'

In the opulent salon of Wellington House, the tension is palpable. The Duke of Wellington, a man of formidable presence and traditional values, paces the room, his anger reaching a fever pitch. The assembled group—Liz, her fiancé Henry Ashcroft, her brother Edward, her mother, and Bucky—watches in a mix of apprehension and disbelief.

"My daughter, marrying an American? A soldier with no title, no lands, no... no nothing!" the Duke bellows, his voice echoing off the walls, laden with centuries of history and tradition. "This is not a matter of mere preference, Elizabeth! It's about duty, about the legacy of the Cavendish name. An arrangement has been made with the Ashcrofts, a union that will benefit both our families."

Liz stands her ground, her resolve steeled by the love she has for Bucky, a love that has endured the trials of war and separation. "Father, I respect our traditions, but I cannot—I will not—marry a man I do not love. Henry is a fine gentleman, but my heart belongs to Bucky. I must marry out of love, not obligation."

Her plea falls on deaf ears. The Duke, red-faced and seething, turns his ire towards Bucky. "And you!" he accuses, pointing a finger at the soldier who has unwittingly become the center of the controversy. "Do you think you can just waltz in here and claim my daughter's hand? What do you have to offer her? You are a commoner, an outsider!"

Bucky, despite the hostility, remains calm, his respect for Liz and her family evident even in the face of the Duke's wrath. "Your Grace, with all due respect, I understand your concerns. I may not have titles or lands to my name, but I love your daughter and swear to devote my life to making her happy. Isn't her happiness worth considering?"

The Duke's response is a derisive snort. "Happiness? You speak of happiness in a world where lineage and alliances dictate our very existence. You are not suitable for Elizabeth. This... this farce ends now!"

Liz's mother and brother exchange troubled glances, the family torn asunder by the clash of duty and desire. Henry, for his part, remains silent, his own feelings a mixture of resignation and relief, having sensed Liz's lack of affection towards him.

The room falls silent as the Duke delivers his ultimatum. "Elizabeth, you will marry Henry Ashcroft as planned, or you will face the consequences. You will not defy the wishes of your family or the expectations of our society. This is not just about you; it's about the Cavendish legacy."

The weight of her father's words hangs heavy in the air, a gulf widening between tradition and the yearning of the heart. Liz, caught in the throes of an impossible choice, looks to Bucky, her eyes filled with a mixture of love, defiance, and the dawning realization of the sacrifices they must both be willing to make for a chance at a life together.

As she can't take it anymore, Liz flees the salon and her father and is quickly followed by her mother.

In the quiet aftermath of Liz's hurried departure, the salon becomes a stage for silent contemplation and uneasy alliances. As Henry speaks privately with the Duke, Edward shares a moment of understanding with Bucky, and the pieces of a complex puzzle begin to shift. The choices made in the hours and days to come will redefine the futures of all involved, setting them on paths none could have anticipated.

Edward, acknowledging Bucky's resolve with a nod, breaks the silence. "You've got guts, I'll give you that. Facing down the old man is no small feat," he comments, a hint of respect threading through his words.

Bucky, his determination unwavering, responds with a sincerity that speaks volumes of his experience and the depth of his feelings for Liz. "I've seen too much, lost too much, to not fight for what truly matters. Liz... she's changed everything for me. This time in captivity, it made me realize life's too short for regrets. I need to spend mine with her, no matter what."

Edward sighs, a look of understanding crossing his features. "I get it, I really do. But you must understand our world... it's governed by rules, by expectations that have bound families like ours for centuries. It's a tangled web."

Meanwhile, in Liz's room, the atmosphere is thick with desperation and the weight of impending decisions. Her mother, the Duchess, attempts to provide comfort, but Liz's turmoil runs too deep for simple reassurances. "I can't do it, Mother. I can't marry Henry knowing that Bucky is alive and the one I love. It would be a lie, a life built on pretense. I'm not like you; I can't hide my feelings or live a lie."

The Duchess, faced with her daughter's anguish, feels a pang of sorrow for the constraints their world imposes. She knows the Duke's stubbornness all too well, his unwavering commitment to duty and legacy. Yet, in her heart, she understands Liz's longing for genuine happiness. With a heavy heart, she reveals the only solution she sees.

"There is one way, Elizabeth. You must elope with Mr. Egan. It's the only path to true happiness if you're sure he's the one. Your father... he may never forgive you, but this is your life, and you must choose how to live it. But you have to know, if you decide on this, there is no coming back."

The suggestion of elopement, radical and fraught with the risk of scandal and estrangement, hangs in the air like a lifeline amidst stormy seas. It's a testament to the lengths to which love compels individuals to go, challenging the very foundations upon which their lives are built.

For Liz, the idea is both terrifying and liberating. The prospect of defying her family, of stepping outside the protective yet confining boundaries of her world, is daunting. Yet, the chance to build a life with Bucky, to embrace the love they share, is a beacon of hope in the darkness of her predicament.

As the vast expanse of the Atlantic stretches out before them, the cold ocean breeze tangles through Elizabeth's hair, a stark contrast to the warmth of Bucky's arms around her. His kiss on her cheek is a gentle reminder of the new reality they've stepped into together—a world away from the grandeur of Wellington House, a future uncertain but theirs to shape.

Bucky's voice, filled with affection, breaks the silence. "You sure you're okay with this, Lizzie? Leaving everything you've known... for me?"

Turning to face him, Liz's eyes meet his, shining with a resolve that belies any lingering doubts. "Bucky, I've never been more sure of anything in my life. With you, I have everything I need. You are my home now."

Bucky's smile in response is one of relief and love, his hand coming up to caress her cheek. "Liz, you've given up so much. I promise you, I'll spend every day making sure you never regret this decision."

Their conversation, intimate against the backdrop of the vast ocean, is a testament to the strength of their bond, a love that has transcended societal norms and the expectations of their respective worlds.

Flashback: In Liz's room, the Duchess's hands are steady as she helps pack the bags, her face a mask of resolve. "Remember, you're stronger than you think, Elizabeth. You're making a brave choice, for love. That's something I've always admired in you." As Bucky is led into Liz's room through the servants' corridors, his eyes quickly find Liz, his expression a mixture of surprise and admiration. "Lizzie, are you sure? This means leaving everything behind—your family, your title..." Liz steps close, her hands finding his. "I've never been more certain of anything, Bucky. As long as I'm with you, I'm where I belong." Her mother's voice, soft yet urgent, interrupts their moment. "You must hurry, my dears. And be careful." Handing Liz some money, she adds, "This should help you get started." She puts her arm on Bucky's. "Take care of my daughter." Bucky nods. "I will. Always." The goodbye is swift, a final embrace shared with her mother before Liz and Bucky slip out into the night, embarking on their journey towards a new life.

As Liz reaffirms her commitment, Bucky's eyes soften, the weight of her sacrifice not lost on him. "Lizzie, you're my world. I'll make sure you have all the happiness you deserve."

Their kiss, passionate and full of promise, seals their vow to each other. As they stand there, wrapped in each other's embrace, the future unfurls before them—not as a path laid out by lineage or duty, but as a journey they'll navigate together, bound by love and the shared courage to defy expectations for the chance at true happiness.

"We're in this together, every step of the way. I love you, now and forever," Bucky whispers, his words carrying the weight of an oath, a pledge of a lifetime together, against all odds.

And Liz, gazing into the horizon, her heart full, knows that no matter what challenges they may face, their love will be their guiding light. "I love you too, Bucky. Here's to our new beginning."

[hussyknee]

Somewhat put off by the spoilers I've read about Mary and George. There's no doubt nearly all relationships in the British court were some level of sordid, but King James, to all intents and purposes, had genuine feelings for his three male favourites, most especially George Villiers. He was no Henry VIII. I don't know why they wanted to reduce the most famous and open homosexual relationship in European royal history to a comedy between a "cock-struck" old lech and a conniving courtier that led him by the nose and then betrayed and murdered him.

All evidence points to George at least being loyal to James (if you discount his love letters as simply sucking up to his benefactor) and even had a fond relationship with his Queen and his son Charles. He was in fact in France when James died, and reportedly cried when he heard the news.

It's even a little heartbreaking because this is right after Nicholas Galitzine played the closeted gay Prince Henry in Red, White and Royal Blue, who in the book is proud of the open and unashamed love between his ancestor and his lover, and the way even James's son Charles I honoured Villiers for accompanying him to the Spanish Court to ask for the hand of the Infanta.

“Actually . . . you remember how I told you about the gay king, James I?”

“The one with the dumb jock boyfriend?”

“Yes, that one. Well, his most beloved favorite was a man named George Villiers. ‘The handsomest-bodied man in all of England,’ they called him. James was completely besotted. Everyone knew. This French poet, de Viau, wrote a poem about it.” He clears his throat and starts to recite: ‘One man fucks Monsieur le Grand, another fucks the Comte de Tonnerre , and it is well known that the King of England, fucks the Duke of Buckingham.’” Alex must be staring, because he adds, “Well, it rhymes in French. Anyway. Did you know the reason the King James translation of the Bible exists is because the Church of England was so displeased with James for flaunting his relationship with Villiers that he had the translation commissioned to appease them?”

“You’re kidding.”

“He stood in front of the Privy Council and said, ‘Christ had John, and I have George.’’

“Jesus.”

“Precisely.” Henry’s still looking up at the statue, but Alex can’t stop looking at him and the sly smile on his face, lost in his own thoughts. “And James’s son, Charles I, is the reason we have dear Samson. It’s the only Giambologna that ever left Florence. He was a gift to Charles from the King of Spain, and Charles gave it, this massive, absolutely priceless masterpiece of a sculpture, to Villiers. And a few centuries later, here he is. One of the most beautiful pieces we own, and we didn’t even steal it. We only needed Villiers and his trolloping ways with the queer monarchs. To me, if there were a registry of national gay landmarks in Britain, Samson would be on it.”

Henry’s beaming like a proud parent, like Samson is his, and Alex is hit with a wave of pride in kind.

He takes his phone out and lines up a shot, Henry standing there all soft and rumpled and smiling next to one of the most exquisite works of art in the world.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m taking a picture of a national gay landmark,” Alex tells him. “And also a statue.”

Like all white liberals, Casey McQuiston tends to romanticise the crime against humanity that is royalty and also that house built by bunch of slave owners that has since housed a progression of genocidal war criminals. There's very little to like about any British monarch. But the relationship between James and Villiers is a significant part of gay history and there's no need to smear it even more than it's already been smeared the last four hundred years, contrary to the actual known facts.

Idk man. I'm sensitive to this stuff Ig. Maybe I'd be a little more positive about it if I watched it, but the trailer gave me "tee hee they're gay" vibes so Idk if I want to.

Edit: so it seems the trailer is misleading and the story is more complex than a "tee hee gay" comedy. I might watch it after all, even if the starkly visible age difference makes me a bit queasy. How tf is Galitzine nearly thirty and a babyface with those razor cheekbones?? Perfect to show how uncomfortable it looks for a middle aged man to get with a kid of twenty.

[heliosdream]

I felt like hurting myself so have some Angst

Simon didn't understand why he decided to go, maybe he felt he should be the one to personally deliver the tags to the poor woman, a woman he had only heard about once from Johnny lips. Pretty little thing he had called her, pregnant with his sons… he had just gotten the letter telling him a few days before they had set off. He had already talked to Price about taking some time off to be with her, Simon had remembered how happy he was to see his wife.

His tags clutch in his hands, dead brown eyes looking down at the small house, a small river behind it, and plenty of trees surrounding it, a perfect little safe haven nuzzled in the Scotland wilderness. His boots crunches through the sticks and leaves that had fallen, every step closer felt like he was disturbing the perfect sanctuary that Johnny had created for himself and his family.

He stood and stops at the outline of the trees, where he finally see her. Johnny's words ring in his head, pretty little thing, She was down right gorgeous. He watches her with a little too much interest, she was only hanging some clothes and linens up but he just couldn't help to stare. The urge to move closer to her, to talk to her… yet anytime he tried, the feeling of crossing a boundary he wasn't ready to cross.

He knew he took the easy way out when he heard the pain cries and screams. He left the dog tags and the official letter of John Mactavish being K.I.A at the edge of the forest but in view for her to see them. As he walks back, he listens to her heartbreak it was the least he could do after taking such a cowards way out and simply hiding. A part of him knew he would her her screaming, he would rewatch Johnny's death in his dreams and the only sound he would hear would be her's.

[jakes3resin]

Well, it's still Friday for me so I thought I'd do a MOTA Fic Rec Friday!

The links take you to AO3, though I know some of these authors have cross posted their works here as well, so I'll try to link them later :)

Also, most of these are Clegan fics, sorry (they're the ones I reread the most, which was the criteria I used for this fic rec)

Moonlight Serenade by Anonymous

Listen folks, this is The Clegan A/B/O fic for me. I post about every new chapter. I adore every line and will happily discuss how I've become a Jamie Truther, while still hoping Gale gets off his ass and treats Bucky right. Bucky has so many secrets in this fic, and you'll be on the edge of your seat waiting to unravel them all. There's also so much to be said about Bucky's emotions and how he feels so so much, often to his own detriment, and how it's presented in this fic.

an image of disquietude by bruce_the_shark

This was actually I think the first MOTA fic I ever read. I'd been watching the show, but I hadn't yet joined the fandom, so to speak. It's outsider POV with Benny and Brady building off of each other watching the infamous baseball scene in the stalag. This fic made me look up who Brady was on tumblr, and it got me into the fandom. Highly recommend. The dynamics between the copilots and the Majors draws you in as each person has a different way of showing their fear and concern.

A Kiss with a Fist by Perpetual Motion

I won't lie I recommend every single thing written by this writer. If you haven't gone on a reading binge of their stuff, what is stopping you? This fic twists canon just a bit so it's Buck fighting the RAF guys not Curt. It's honestly a love letter from Buck to Bucky and his touch, for me it is at least. It's also where I fully drank the Kool Aid that Buck is feral and protective of Bucky.

Ghost of You by BeeMaya

I once described this fic as Crosby's version of the Les Mis song 'Empty Chairs at Empty Tables' because it's just as heartbreaking to me as that song. Harry being the last man to remember the light that used to exist on base now that the officer's club feels darkened, and when you're the last one all you see are ghosts and what once was. There's a profound sadness to telling stories about the departed even when they're good stories, even when you laughed once at those stories. It's sad because you miss them and know you can never go back.

don't take that sinner away from me by cloudystars

Another author I can't recommend enough. I love a Gale POV, and I love a Western AU. So if you're like me you'll love this fic. Gale is so tender with John in this as the pair of them try to piece themselves together after the traumas they both went through.

I'll stop there, I guess! Short but these fics are really so amazing! I love reading other people's fic recs, so I thought I'd list a few I adore 🧡

[trashbag-baby666]

Twin Dads Clegan AU :3

MB made by the lovely @austeenbootler as we bring you a little piece of something we’ve been creating!! (afab!androgynous!gale)

C/W:Mentions of miscarriages

MOTA Masterlist!

John and Gale struggled with fertility for years, the first few times were extra hard. Gale was living alone on an air force base while John was deployed. They were young and hadn’t even been married a full year.

Around week eight of Gales pregnancy and Johns first tour, Gale sends him a letter with the photos of the sonogram. theoretically, he could've told him over email or Skype. But it just didn't seem like something he could fathom saying out loud if this wasn't something John wanted.

Curt can attest to the actual tears John shed after tearing open the letter, he was so excited. He spent the next month blabbing about how excited he was to be a dad. He would blab in the fighter jets during missions about what he was going to name their kid. John literally talked about being a dad 24/7.

Then he got the heartbreaking email then call from Gale. He was at the hospital and he had miscarried.

Curt ends up emailing his partner Ken what’s going on and maybe to stop over.

Ken and Gale become instant friends after the day.

Unfortunately, John and Gale had six different miscarriages over the next eight years. Getting less and less excited and hopeful each time.

Then it happened after they stopped trying for awhile. Gale was pregnant and unsure if he even wanted to try and go through the pregnancy. He didn’t want to suffer the heartbreak of losing another one. But after lots of discussion with John and his doctors and therapist they decided to continue the pregnancy.

They were worried and scared their entire pregnancy. Every time Gale had unexplainable cramps or anything abnormal they would rush to the hospital. They would assure them everything was alright.

Then they found out they were having twins!!! They were boys and they were so very excited. They spent a full month thinking about a second name before landing on Andrew and Arlo.

They also went out and basically bought an additional second of everything…

They would sit in the nursery together a lot. Gale would sit in John’s lap in the chair. His long hair tied back and John’s got his arms around him. He’s rambling about how great of dads they’re going to be.

Gales pregnancy cravings were INTENSE but John was jumping up to get him whatever he wanted!! No matter how odd it is.

Strawberries, peanut butter, and Doritos…pickles and ice cream…spaghetti o’s…

John almost passed out while Gale was giving birth…the nurses literally had to get him juice and crackers. Gale was rolling his eyes and telling John to quit being dramatic. …He almost passed out again when they cut the umbilical cords.

The first week of course was rough, Gale was healing the boys weren’t sleeping. John was jumping up to take care of them at night and making Gale lay down.

After a couple weeks they’re more under control, Gale sits in the chair they got for the nursery. Gale breast feeds one while John holds the other. He leans against the footrest singing blue skies to them softly rocking them.

Arlo ends up having dark brown curls like John and Andrew has cute little blonde curls. Gale loves to sit and play with the boys curls.

Curt and Ken are the go to baby sitters, obviously. They literally live next door to them.

The first vacation they have after the twins are one is hard for them. Gale feels guilty leaving them but John keeps assuring him that the boys will be okay.

However, Curt and Ken do FaceTime Gale and John a couple times a day so they can see the boys.

They really do get to relax though, couple massages, and spa days, Gale really got the treatment he deserved.

[prettygirlstothefloor]

Cowboy Carter Review

sorry if i write a lot. i like to yap lol

Ameriican Requiem- i'm a huge sucker for a sitar so i was gripped in from the beginning. i grew up on country music (mainly 90s/early 2000s) and so when she showed up at the CMAs and performed with the chicks it was a childhood dream. but as a person who liked country music around the time 9/11 happened, it's only become even more racist since. the way they treated her that night even though she was one of, if not THE, best performer of the night was so upsetting to watch. even as the best artist on the planet, at the top of her game, she's always going to work a million times harder than any of her peers. i'm so proud of her being able to make a song like to this to put her thoughts out on the whole night that night.

Blackbiird- obviously everyone has heard this song before. i was unaware of the actual backstory to the song since i don't follow the beatles too much (i like george harrison but that's about it lol). i was not aware that the song the song was written for black women during the civil rights movement. i assumed the song was mainly written by john lennon who to my knowledge was kind of a grifter when it came to his activism. having this song come right after ameriican requiem is so poetic.

16 Carriages- shockingly i was able to avoid hearing this song in full until tonight. i tend to only do one single per release and so texas hold em was the one. this song is so heartbreaking because i think about all the kids in the entertainment industry who can probably relate to this song all too well

Protector- these songs she makes for her kids... i'm gonna need her to stop. not because they're bad but i straight up can't listen to blue and probably this song because i want a mom like this 😭

My Rose- i hate that this is an interlude. it's so beautiful and not to be dramatic should've been 10 hours long

Smoke Hour • Willie Nelson- idk what to say about this one lol

Texas Hold 'Em- i love this song. the only problem i have with it is it sounds too clean. like the production sounds too clean. maybe it sounds better on the radio where the quality is lower than streaming but its definitely a song that needs to be played not so isolated.

Bodyguard- there's something in this song. she channeled carole king for this on or something. it's so good instantly a top 20 if not top 10 song of hers through her whole discography.

Dolly P- once again idk what to say about this one its too short to say anything

Jolene- i mean i think the same way about her version as i do about dolly's version. why are we getting mad at these women when we should be getting mad at the men?? take away that beyonce is beyonce for a second. if she was a normal lady and this girl was unaware her man was taken, isn't that more on him than anyone? he's letting it happen.

Daughter- her voice in this song is insanity. the control she has is unmatched truly.

Spaghettii- the beat omgggg. i know this would hit so hard in a mashup with "my house" i'm obsessed.

Alliigator Tears- just from hearing snippets of the country music that's on the radio nowadays, i think this might be one of the few songs from this album that they will eat up. i'm not saying that as a diss at all. i love this song alot especially after a second listen.

Smoke Hour II- i guess i can add on here a random tid bit. i made a country playlist in preperation for the album to come out. i made it on valentine's day. tell me why i named it KNTRY. i didn't even know the "radio station" she has on the album was called that lol.

Just for Fun- i don't listen to lana del rey anymore. i had a small time during last year where i did but then she got real messy again and signed that letter thanking joe biden. that being said this song sounds identical to "norman fucking rockwell". which is a compliment because both are good songs. keep jack antonoff away from beyonce though. that's the good thing about beyonce is she doesn't sound like everyone else which he makes everyone do (yes i am a fan of him but i'm critical of his production lol)

II Most Wanted- i'm sorry i've never been a fan of miley cyrus (except for the song she did for black mirror and that one EP she put out). i want to like this song because i like aspects of the song but it being a miley cyrus song with a beyonce feature is not want i want.

Levii's Jeans- this is also a collab i'm not a fan of. i actually enjoy post malone but i would've liked to see them in a more upbeat song.

Flamenco- idk how to take this song. it's stunning as usual. my thoughts on the lyrics though is she's kinda talking to fans maybe like the OG like destiny's child fans who have started to leave because she's starting to experiment more with her sound and they miss her old sound. i would love to know her take on this song in particular. because i know so many artists who decide to change their sound throughout each release are terrified of losing fans because they're so stuck on a certain sound.

The Linda Martell Show- another one i can't say much on since it's an interlude

Ya Ya- now.... remember what i said about bodyguard??? easily top 10. idk where on my ranking but it's there. the interpolation of "these boots were made for walking" and "good vibrations". there's something about that old soul rock sound that gets me every single time. i know that it doesn't sound anything alike but "freedom" has that same vibe, where it takes alot from old 60s blues soul rock. this is gonna hit so good on tour!

Oh Louisiana- i will say i really like this interlude. second favorite out of the ones with actual music

Desert Eagle- another song she chose to make extremely short when it should've been hours long... come on B

Riiverdance- its a fun and cute song. i think the beat is good but i think i like it more on my first listen.

II Hands II Heaven- i'm hoping this will finally click for me. im seeing everyone really love this song but idk whats not clicking for me. i'll definitely keep listening to it though maybe someday.

Tyrant- someone said this is the thique of cowboy carter and yeah i can definitely hear it. it's a sexy song and it's a fun song. definitely like it alot more after a second listen

Sweet • Honey • Buckiin'- her sampling "i fall to pieces" in this song is so special to me. i do want someone to take this "honey" and add it to the end of pure/honey though i wonder if it would sound any good. i think sweet and buckiin are the best songs out of the three of these.

Amen- i love how this really rounds out the album, calling back to the first song. it feels and is a very emotional song. don't know if i'll go back to it only because i think it could make me cry lol

overall, i think it's a solid album. if we're comparing the acts, which idk how you can because they're two distinctly different sounds, i would probably still go with renaissance but there's still so many solid songs on this album that are now some of my top faves. usually i rate out of 10 but it feels too low tbh, so i'm rating it out of 100. it will definitely grow on me just like renaissance did. 89/100.

[swallowedbyfandom]

The first year surprising is not the hardest. Penelope is sad, angry and exhausted in general but everyone seems to respect the mourning period. They give her the space she needs to nurture her children and find her footing. Penelope herself allows us all (minus El) to coddle her. And the extra care an infant requires in addition to a toddler seems to help keep Penelope distracted from her grief during the day.

Agatha's second birthday leaves Pen in shambles. Luckily they are all still at Aubrey hall so there are plenty of family members around to pick up the slack. Thomas' first birthday however a week after the official day James' ship went down leaves Penelope near catatonic with grief for that entire week. It is just him, mother and the Stirlings. Mother tells him, Fran, and John to mind all the children, while she takes care of take of Penelope.

Mother spends the week cuddling and force feeding Penelope. She sleeps in her bed all throughout that week gently petting and singing her soothing lullabies. Mother lets Pen cry her heart out in her arms without empty words. Just cleans her face after and rubs her back until she falls asleep. It is perhaps the most devastating thing he has ever witnessed.

Mother tells them she had the same reaction for hyacinth's first birthday. She saids there is a special kind of heartbreak a mother experiences when you realize that your child has lived their entire life without ever feeling the loving embrace of their father. That James passing so near Thomas' birthdate just makes the hurt that much sharper.

Mother warns them that the second year is harder. Not emotionally but socially, everyone acts as if you should be healed magically. People will react rudely as if you are snubbing them if you decline their social invitations. Mother of course is correct. The second the first year is over, every fortune hunter and merry rake seems to be making overtures and coming to call as either a prospective husband or a bed warmer. Penelope treats every invasive guest to the tart tongue that made Whistledown so rich.

Penelope still wears her full mourning attire well into her second year, not yet ready to move on. She had privately told him she plans to do two years of full mourning before she moves on to a year of half mourning. That often times she wakes up and still expects James to be laid beside her. That she forgets sometimes that he is gone and she turns to tell him something. That she cannot imagine ending her mourning period when she still feels his presence so strongly.

Shortly after he escorts mother and Hyacinth back home from Scotland he gets drunk with his brothers and tearfully confesses his struggle with watching Penelope mourning for James. He spills his guts in the least eloquent way possible. James was his friend and a man he admired. He was happy when Pen and James fell in love and married. He was always content to receive a joint letter from them to update him oh their lives. He was always pleased with the places James suggested he visited on this travels. He was happy for them when they had Aggie, he shared their excitement when they found out about Thomas.

Now, in hindsight? It all pours out of him, how he realized his love too late. How he made his peace with it because James worshipped the ground Pen walked on. How he feels guilty for her suffering. If he had been smart enough to marry her, she wouldn't be a widow. She wouldn't be suffering.

However, he loves her children Aggie and Thomas are perfect he cannot imagine a life without them. How he knows she doesn't feel the same for him anymore but he will wait for her. He tells his brothers about the letter James sent him and how relieved he was to have his blessing.

He confesses how he still feels guilty and how he had planned to stay in Scotland longer but left because she is not ready for a new love and he can barely contain his feelings for her. He needs advice on how to be a supportive friend without the expectation of more. How can be best quell the overwhelming lust he feels for her. How he generally does not feel lust for people. He feels fleeting attraction at most and it usually dissipates rapidly.

Anthony is sympathetic and helpful, he is also very protective of Pen and the children. He tells Colin about the practicalities that need to be considered marrying a woman in Penelope's position. He points out emotional pitfalls that Colin had not considered but most importantly he tells Colin to take his time and sort himself out first. He encourages Colin to correspond with Penelope as a safe way to reconnect with her. He advisors short visits with Fran and Penelope to allow the children to retain comfort with him. This will also allow Penelope the comfort and support she needs. Most importantly he advises that Colin keep his feeling for Pen to himself until she is halfway through half mourning unless she brings the topic up. Truly he feels calmer now that he has something resembling a game plan.

He spends the next 4 months with his family in Aubrey Hall chasing after his nephews and his nieces. He sends letters off to Pen filled with Bridgerton shenanigans and inquires about her and the children. She responds with letters filled with nature walks taken with the children and stories of the milestones they have reached. She tells him of Thomas and little John's completive attempts at racing each other and running so erratically that it makes them look like tiny drunks stumbling through the gardens.

He tours Wales for 4 months and writes to Pen the entire time. He learns of Aggie's newfound love for all things canine. She despairs over how Thomas now removes his clothes to run nude whenever you take your eyes off him. He visits her for a month as she needed some help dealing with the harvest as Aggie had fallen sick and John and Michael were occupied with their own harvest and could not lend a hand. He tours Ireland for 4 months and visits her for two weeks after. He tours Scotland for 3 months before visiting her again for over 2 months due to severe storms and a winter fever outbreak. He revels in those cozy days spent with a child on his lap giving dramatic readings of fairytales and spooky stories. He watches impressed by Aggie's artistic endeavors. If he has a pile of her greatest works in this room that is his business.

The next 2 months he spends with Fran and her family moping over missing them. He takes Francesca's advice and drafts a letter that declares his intentions to properly court her, when she is ready. Fran states that Pen is ready but scared of opening her heart again, giving her a warning will allow her time to emotionally and mentally prepare.

Dearest Pen,

I am in love with you. I have been in love with you for years. I have known and loved you for so long that I genuinely do not even know when it happened. I just know that for almost half my life you were the person who I missed most. Yours was always the opinion I sought when in doubt. Your happiest was always what I sought above all else. Your approval always made me feel ten feet tall. Were I clever I would have recognized what all that meant.

However, I just assumed that was the way one felt about their friends, and you have always been my dearest friend. Looking back I see now, that in my ignorance I broke your precious heart.

I watched James sweep you for your feet, Pen. I was so happy for you. I had tried to teach you to have more confidence but it was James who taught you your value. His love and acceptance helped you grow in a way that was extraordinary to watch. When you wrote to me of your pregnancy I felt such an overwhelming amount of joy for you. I was so proud that you were living your dreams, Pen. I remained blissfully ignorant as to why I so often yearned for you until I held Aggie in my arms for the first time. She has your gorgeous face and glorious eyes.

I felt like I had been struck by lighting, Pen. In my mind whenever I allowed myself the passing thought of what my future children would be like it was always that face I pictured. That perfect little face with that exact shade of blue for eyes and my chestnut curls. How on earth did I miss that? It hit me which such embarrassing clarity. I have been in love with you forever and I helped you marry someone else.

It hurt I will not lie. The revelation that I had given you up unknowingly caused me a great deal of anguish. Even in my heartbreak I was still so happy for you, Pen. I could make my peace with it because you were happy, safe, and so very well loved. All I have ever wanted was your happiness.

I do not regret the choices that I have made that have led us here. Agatha and Thomas are perfect, Penelope. I love them as I love you, wholeheartedly and without reservations.

I am not asking you to forget James, I am not asking you to stop loving him. I am asking you to allow me the privilege of courting you. I am asking you to make room in your heart and family for me. I am asking for the honor of raising Agatha and Thomas with you. I am asking if god be willing to provide them with siblings.

I am yours, Pen. I have always been yours. If you are ready, I would like to begin by formally declaring my intentions to court you this upcoming 1821 season. I let you go once without a fight I shall not do so again.

A ll my Love,

Colin C. Bridgerton

Two weeks later he receives his response.

Dearest Colin,

I have been called a wit quite often in my lifetime. What kind of wit would I be If I dismissed such a beautiful declaration of intent? You already have a place in my heart and family, Col. That place is not one of romance currently, but If you believe can make it so. Who am I to dissuade you? Let us see what your romantic endeavors shall bring us, Mr. Bridgerton.

The children and I will be relocating with our household to Debling House in Mayfair for the upcoming 1821 season.

Affectionately,

Penelope Anne Debling

[meetinginsamarra]

Fanfics I really liked in March 2023

So. Since I keep a list of what I´ve read anyway (there´s always a list), I will rec all the fics I´ve wholly enjoyed on a monthly basis. Old and new, canon or AU, big or small authors, long or short but nearly always Johnlock (-ish).  

“Nightjet” by khorazir @khorazir​

An exhausted hiatus Sherlock takes a night train to hunt down his next target and has to share his compartment with someone totally unexpected which leads to confessions and revelations. Beautifully written hurt/comfort. And there will be sequels. Squee!

“Illation” by hollyesque

This had me close to tears. Sherlock makes a deduction about his effect on John’s life and follows through his reasonings which are totally logical to Sherlock but devastating for everybody else (including the readers). John in return manages to make Sherlock see the fallacy in his plan in such a heartbreaking way that I had been close to tears again.

“Oblivion” by AlgySwinburne

A post-TST Sherlock is heartbroken by John’s letter and when Molly is heartbroken too, they get totally pissed together. Sherlock does some drunk texting John, which leads to hangover panic the following day, some fun and weird consequences and luckily an unsuspected reunion.

“Staircase Wit” by Splix

A delightful 5+1 following Sherlock’s life where he runs his mouth and gets a beating and one time he gets away. Snark, suspense, hurt/comfort and John to the rescue. What else do you need?

“You’ll fall, I’ll catch you” by laiquilasse

An unusual omegaverse fic. Omega John is unwillingly pregnant and comes across a sort-of axsexual Alpha Sherlock. It’s the story of how they become a familiy against all odds, including societal norms and their unwilling selfs.

“Against the rest of the world” by StarlightAndFireflies

After the restaurant scene John notices that Sherlock is hurt and things go differently. Short hurt/comfort fix-it fic.

“Not your average Roman holiday” by StarlightAndFireflies

John is on holiday in Rome when he gets roped into a crime investigation conducted by an obvious madman. A real nutter who only speaks Italian, is terribly annoying and very handsome.

[christinesficrecs]

Lost fics. Any help would be appreciated! ❤️

...

Hi! I'm looking for a fic that was based on Léon The Professional, though Stiles was older than Mathilda. Derek was the hitman, and Stiles's family had been murdered. If I remember correctly, Isaac and Scott had been his little brothers.

Would you be able to put your finger on this fic? "stiles has magic and he made a deal with a powerful witch to protect beacon hills, but it supposedly took away his love for derek in the process (or maybe Derek made the deal), except that he's growing a garden to break the spell" My google-fu is failing me. I know I've read it before, but going through my history is a month-long endeavor! I think Derek is a deputy and he keeps running into Stiles and it's not clear what has happened between them at first. I think Stiles is referred to as a hedge witch at some point? que tu m’aimais encore by magneticwave | 19.9K Wolves mate for life, don’t they?

I think this fic has been deleted off ao3 and I'm very sad. De-aged Derek. He and Stiles become a couple. Stiles ends up a human alpha of the entire pack. (TBH it's rather porny and there's voyeur/exhibition) and there's a lake house or beach house. Eventually Derek goes back to regular Derek.

Hi! Bit of a long one: there's this fanfic that is uncompleted, where Stiles was in the Hale House when he saw a crystal ball (??) on the floor, got down low to grab it and fell through the floor, waking up in the past. He met teenage Derek in a diner with Laura, started talking to them, and decided to protect Derek from Kate before he ever met her. Derek is a lifeguard at the lake where Stiles goes to monitor him and there was a scene where Derek lapped the lake to impress Stiles. Stiles also squats in the Stilinski House to survive and Sheriff doesn't know who he is. Do you know the fic? I've been looking for it for forever

Hi! I have been trying to find a teen wolf and marvel cross over fic. It’s where I believ Tony stark and Claudia where best friend growing up and fell in love. And then she gets pregnant with his baby(aka stiles). Stiles finds out from a bunch of letters but keeps it to himself until I believe Tony get captured and goes missing for months.( iron man 1). Then he goes into a depression and won’t eat or anything until the day Tony is found. Also involves when aliens attack and stiles freaks out again and makes it his mission to go to New York and meet him. Hidden Truths by Harmonious113 | 212.4K | WIP Claudia Stilinkski always did her best to hide the truth from her family-her past, her family, the boy she couldn’t quite seem to let go of- to spare John and Stiles from the heartbreak. Stiles finds a trunk of letters and pictures unearthing the truth. His father is Tony Stark.

It was a Teen Wolf Sterek fic, an au with magic. Claudia either adopted stiles or was his bio mom and pretended to adopt him, but stiles had a familiar who constantly turned into dead grotesque bodies and the only person who accepted them fully (and laughed at the familiar being gruesome) was laura. laura dies somehow and derek comes in. I think laura and stiles were partners for the magic things law enforcement? I remember that they thought stiles might have killed laura/tried to pin it on him, but after lauras death derek takes over as stiles' partner. I remember one scene with lydia and maybe heather and stiles with candles? I'm pretty sure both lyds and stiles lived with claudia. by the end of the fic the familiar sacrifices itself to save stiles and his friends from the argents, and I'm pretty sure there's a scene where ally defects from her aunt/grandpa. (There's) Sulphur in Our Blood by WonderWolf | 210.9K | Explicit | WIP Secret Agent AU where Derek blames Stiles for his sister’s death and Stiles is pretty sure that Derek’s going to murder him. As if that weren’t enough to deal with, Stiles’ familiar keeps having public breakdowns

Hi Team! Hoping the community can come through on finding two fics... First one - Stiles gets a stressful job in IT (poss in San Fran?) and starts hallucinating rich Derek drinking posh coffee in NYC. After several hallucinations of Derek being all "you really need a new job," it turns out that Derek is real, is an alpha, and Stiles is fated to be his emissary. The Sun to Rise by andavs | 7.5K Stiles has an imaginary friend. He's kind of a dick.

Second one - (which may have been deleted from AO3) is a canon divergent S1 AU. It hits the beats of S1 but instead Scott doesn't hesitate when Derek offers him the chance to kill Peter and possibly reverse the bite. Scott kills Peter and is human again. The main thing I remember is after the fact, Stiles visits Derek at the burned down Hale house and says something like "it's like none of it really happened." And Derek levels him with a sour wolf look and says "it happened." Timshel by jsea | 12.5K Derek lets Scott kill Peter for the cure at the end of S1. This is the story of how that choice changes everyone's fate. "Sir, you should know..." Derek starts to say, then snaps his mouth closed when the Sheriff takes one hand off the steering wheel, and holds it up in a halting gesture. "You're not a bad kid, Derek." "I'm a werewolf," Derek says, before he can think about it. For the first time in his life the word feels dirty, like something to be ashamed of. It makes him feel like a little kid again, using a curse word without understanding what it means.

I can't remember if it was a steter or sterek fic. It's a short humourous fic where Stiles has an injury but he was adamant that bandaids could fix it and it was at least a six inch long-ass gash or something. If this sounds familiar to anyone? Thanks!

Looking for a fic where I don’t remember much just Isaac coming home to Derek trashing the loft and saying something like “I just saw stiles, he reeks of sex” then it cut scene to something else. I don’t think it was a king fic but I could be wrong. Thank you so much in advance Noticed by forestofbabel | 35.1K Stiles left on a Tuesday. Nobody Noticed.

[claireelizabeth85]

Come Home to Me - Chapter 3

John Egan x OC Female!Reader

Summary: We learn a bit more about what is going on with Lizzy. For those not entirely sure where this is going - think Evie from The Mummy 2 and Claire from Outlander.

Warnings: Implications of death, heartbreak, sorrow.

AN: Many thanks to those of you who have read Chapters 1 and 2. If you have questions or want to share your thoughts/ideas of where this could be going, shoot me a message - I would love to hear your thoughts.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

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The atmosphere inside the White Stag was warm and cosy, a stark contrast to the chill of the evening outside. Lizzy and Sarah found themselves surrounded by a few elderly locals, including James Thatcher, who had revealed his connection to Lizzy. They exchanged pleasantries as James introduced the other patrons as some of the children Lizzy remembered from her time in the village. Each conversation she had seemed to deepen the mystery of her past, as more people claimed to have known her "back then." Despite Sarah's scepticism, Lizzy couldn't ignore the feeling of familiarity and belonging she felt among these strangers.

Suddenly, James leaned in and whispered something to his grandson, who hurried off to retrieve something from the back of the pub. Lizzy's heart raced with anticipation as she watched the young man return with a dusty trunk, its wooden exterior weathered with age.

"This," James said solemnly, "is yours."

Lizzy's hands trembled as they ghosted over the lid, her rank and name etched into the surface were now dull with age. As she reached out to touch the trunk, her mind was racing with questions and emotions. With a deep breath, she slowly lifted the lid revealing a treasure trove of memories carefully preserved within.  Her civilian clothes, dress uniform and a spare flight suit were all neatly folded and smelling faintly of lavender. Photographs of familiar faces smiled up at her, frozen in time. Books she hadn't seen in years nestled among the keepsakes. 

But it was the sight of a red checked blanket that brought tears to Lizzy's eyes. She smiled at memories of lazy afternoons spent with John and she felt her cheeks flush with emotion. Something she had never expected to see lay tucked safely beneath the blanket. A letter, yellowed with age but bearing John's unmistakable handwriting waited for her. 

Excusing herself, she took her drink and the letter outside. As she delicately unfolded it with shaking hands, every word seemed to carve deeper into her already wounded heart.  John's opening words, "My darling Lizzy," echoed with a tenderness that both soothed and exacerbated her pain. Tears blurred the lines of his familiar handwriting as if mimicking the haze that clouded her mind.

The absence of any prior communication gnawed at her, emphasising the significance of this final missive. It was as if fate had handed her the last fragment of their connection, a cruel reminder of what once was and could never be again.  John's words painted a picture of longing and despair, his agony palpable with each sentence. “The very thought of you waiting for me kept me going in that hell - but I knew the moment that I saw Buck, the look on his face told me you were gone”. The weight of his absence bore down on her, a burden too heavy for her fragile heart to bear alone.

In his lament, he bared the depths of his sorrow, mourning the life they should have shared. Their unspoken vows, the promise they had whispered in the secrecy of tangled bed sheets under a burning London night sky now lay shattered amidst the ruins of their dreams.

With each passing sentence, the weight of John's absence grew heavier and heavier.  Each one a jagged shard piercing her already wounded soul, the pain that poured from the paper, the magnitude of his love for her was too overwhelming to comprehend. She remembered this feeling, of having her heart shattered into a thousand pieces. But this time, there were no screams of grief that burned her lungs, no physical pain to match the agony of the hollow emptiness that she felt within, made ever more real by solitary, battered fortress that sat on the airfield reminding her that it had not brought him home.

As she finished reading, Lizzy held the letter close, the weight of her grief enveloping her.  Surrounded by the lingering shadows of her past, the pain of her loss surged within her, too potent to suppress. Tears streamed down her cheeks unchecked, a torrent of emotion unleashed by the overwhelming sorrow that consumed her.

She longed for them all: John, Gale, Crosby, Biddick, Pappy, Benny, Crank—their camaraderie, their laughter, their unwavering support. Memories flooded her mind, scenes of shared moments and inside jokes, each one a bittersweet reminder of what she had lost.

She missed the way they would tease the new recruits, the protective arm John would wrap around her, the astonished whispers as she took her place in the cockpit and the forever furrowed brow of Chick Harding, sceptical of her relentless quest for missions.

Amid her grief, Lizzy found solace in John's words, a testament to a love that endured. Though separated by time and tragedy, she would love him as deeply now as she did then.