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astormyjet · 3 years

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Winter of 2018 - Summer of 2021 TIME FILES WHEN YOU’RE IN YOUR 20s!!!!

OH BOY. It’s been three years (or more) since I updated this. “Time is a weird soup!” to quote a fave. I guess I quit tumblr around the time there was a purge of content and creators and a smack down on a lot of the fandom communities. Tumblr has always been something of a crapshow though so I’ve been more productive with my time than I was in some ways, but I’ve also found other ways to waste my time. *cough twitter/netflix/youtube/MTGArena cough*.

General Life Achievements since 2018 -JLPT N3 GET in 2019! -Blackbelt GET in 2018! -TESOL 120 Hour and BE 50 Hour Cert from online provider GET in 2021 -STUDENT LOAN BANISHED (Thank you grandparents) -Survived Apartment flooding in early 2020. -Mystery anxiety related illness and chronic pain in my left leg from early 2020 - Present. -A mythical 6th and 7th year on the JET Programme. -Started posting on Instagram a lot more about my wanderings around Matsuyama/Uwajima. Mainly old buildings and stray cats. @astormyknight -Surviving so far in Japan with old rona-chan.

2018 was rough. I was given an additional school in the first semester (March to July) as we had someone find a better job. I enjoyed it, but it was a bit of a rough go especially when I was transferred that August after three fantastic years at Tsubaki JHS and ES and only a semester there. I legit went through the five stages of grief - which I think is another reason I stopped blogging. I was given my current base school along with four other schools. Going from 2(3) to 5 schools was a bit of an adjustment. I still feel a bit spread out.

That said, I keep running into teachers and students who were at the Tsubaki’s. The teachers shuffle around every April, so it's always a lottery with which new faces are going to be old friends (or enemies…). A couple of kids moved and transferred into my current schools from Tsubaki too. So I have one kid I can say I've been teaching for 6 out of the 7 years I've been here!

One of the kids who was in JHS 3rd grade when I first got here (in 2015!) hangs out around one of my favorite cafes, so I got chatting with him recently. He's in his second year of nursing school - his class nearly broke me in the first year, it was really a trial by fire with those kids. I was 22 then, and he’s 20 now, so it was interesting chatting to him about that first year of teaching. His younger sister was one of my favorite students too, she was in the group of kids that graduated in the March of 2018, the year group that went through Tsubaki JHS with me - they’re newly minted University students now!

This Thursday morning when I was cycling in to work, a kid who was 2nd year JHS when I left (so 2nd or 3rd year JHS now) pulled up with their Mum in a van and got their mamachari out of the back to bike to school. The franticness of it all was hilarious. Their Mum legit sat on the horn until I pulled over. I was so happy to run into this kid, even at social distance and both of us late to work/school - because we both remembered each other and as they were going around the corners they were yelling each time they turned and humming the old elementary school directions chant and pelting me with questions about what I’ve been up to.

I've had so many students and schools now, that everything is kind of running into a blur. I remember flashes of kids faces and voices, random memories of in class or out of class shenanigans out of the blue. Also, I now, more than ever, have issues remembering kids' names, but I still know their faces (even with their masks), whose homeroom class they were in, who their friends were and which club they were in. I get random flashbacks to past conversations with them when I see them on the street or we run into each other. I feel bad because the first thing former students ask is ‘Do you remember my name?’ and I always have to be like, ‘Honestly, no, but I remember you did this on x day, x month in x classroom’.

Socially in 2018 -2019 - a few of our friends went home and things shook up a little. Our DnD group changed a bit - one of our players stepped into the role forever DM (THANK YOU RALPH). From memory the newbies were great - some of them just went home at the start of last month and it’s weird not seeing them around (JESS DO YOUR BEST!). I think we only have one or two people left from that rotation. There’s no 6th year ALTs, and only two 5th years.

Aug 2018 - Aug 2019 was the year of Hiura - my mountain school. Dang man, they were so cool. The students of the JHS and the ES combined barely hit 30, so each class was between 3-10 students depending on the grade. It was easier to get to know the kids, their abilities and their goals than it has been for me at other schools. I miss it so bad, being in nature once a week did my country-kid heart so good! The bugs! The frogs! The river! The mountain! The monkeys! The lizards! The dilapidated houses and hidden shrines!!!! The random crabs in the English room...I forgot that there was such a thing as freshwater crabs, and being right next to a river, the invasion wasn’t as out of place as I first thought...

The area is so picturesque and calming. Every week up there was a small adventure (after getting over my motion sickness from the bus ride up). The kids were constantly pranking either myself or the main English teacher. There was always some new weird bug or lizard in a tank to be educated about. There were chickens on the way to the JHS that used to escape from their cardboard box prisons to run riot on the gardens. There were old people to freak out with my youth and foreignness! The kids also got to do a lot of extra classes, sumiyakai (making charcoal the traditional way), planting and maintaining rice paddies, setting up vegetable gardens, raising fireflies, conserving a special breed of fire lily (only found in this particular mountain valley) and another rare flower, wilderness training ect.

I wish I could have stayed there a lot longer but SOMEONE (read...the BoE) decided that schools had to be shuffled again(thank goodness the dude who has it now was able to keep it from the 2021 shuffle, he's the best fit for the school). I had so many good memories from there, I wish I had been more consistent in writing it down. I do have a bunch of photos and videos from there though, so that's nice. The only thing I don’t miss is the bus trip up and down - not only was it motion sickness, there was a healthy dose of fear each ride as the driver brought us perilously close to the edge of the mountain drop…

2019 - 2020 was interesting. With the school I got given instead of the Hirua’s I was roped into more demonstration lessons which was a lot of pressure because I was also involved quite heavily with the JHS observation and training lessons too. They were somewhat rewarding, the third graders are now super smart 5th graders, but the teachers who need to embrace the new curriculum and ways of teaching really haven’t taken on anything from the lessons....

Outside of work as well, I was given the chance, thanks to an ALT buddy of mine, to join in with the local festival. It's been one of the biggest highlights of my time here, and I am gutted it’s been cancelled for the last two years, but I understand the reason…. I was able to travel to Okinawa too during that summer for an international Karate seminar with the Dojo I train with. I met the head of the style I currently practice and a bunch of people from around the world. I also got to see Shuri castle before it burned down. So that was a stroke of luck. One of the places I want to go when/if we get out of this pandemic is Okinawa. I want to see more of those Islands so bad. Just before the whole pandemic thing too - I managed to see the Rugby World Cup, a Canada vs NZ match, I even ran into Tana Umanga in Oita city!!!

2019 - 2020 was supposed to be my last year on JET, so I was frantically Job hunting. I went to the Career Fair in Osaka in early Feb/Late January 2020. I applied and got interviewed for a position in Sendai in early Jan 2020. In the end though - the Rona hit. We started hearing whispers of it around the end of 2019, then the cruise boats happened, and then Japan refused to cancel the Olympics...every holiday season there is a new wave of infections, my nurse friends in Tokyo are struggling....my teacher friends in more populous areas of Japan are struggling…

JET couldn't get new ALTs for 2020-2021, I took the extra year when it was eventually offered, as the one job I had managed to get a serious offer for was hesitating because with the rona setting in, things were uncertain. There was a lot of time spent adjusting to the new rules surrounding what we could do in class with the kids as well as textbook change. Schools shut on and off during the spring months.

I also got a reminder of my mortality mid May with an unrelated illness which is still smacking me around a bit - stress/age, it does things to the human body it has no right to. It's only been in the last three months I’ve been able to exercise like I used to, I’ve put on a bunch of weight I can't shrug off (one part medication, another part diet) My relationship with food needs to change, and I really need a kitchen that allows me for more than one pan meals. I also need to figure out what to do with a left leg that is in constant pain from the knee down and a heart that misses beats when stressed out (mentally and physically…).

My apartment also got flooded by the guy upstairs at one point, I spent most of late February/early March living in a hotel while my walls and floor got redone - I think this was one of the things that really stressed me out and kicked my anxiety right up a notch, it was right when things were getting REALLY bad with rona-chan in Hokkaido and schools were shutting down here as it was filtering into the prefecture and so Japan closed schools for the first time…

Classes in covid times have been weird. We’ve been wearing facemasks full time since the early stages of the pandemic (March 2020) - so I admit that I get a bit pissed off seeing both Americans and New Zealanders back home bitching about just having to start wearing them full time in public. I have asthma and have been suffering with the things on during the 30*C plus with high 90s humidity summers. Teachers were offered vaccines late July 2021, just days before the Olympics were open - and I finished my two shots in the middle of August. But the overall distribution and take up of the jab has been slow. As mentioned above, we can't play a lot of the games we used to play with kids in classes anymore, and a lot of the activities outlined in the textbook curriculum need to be adjusted too, so we’ve had to be creative. We use hand sanitizer a lot more too. One of the things I miss the most though, is eating lunch with the kids.

Socially from summer 2020 - now 2021 we played a lot of DnD and board games, both online and in person when we could. There were no new ALTs again for the 2021-2022 JET year, and those of us who were in 6th year were offered a 7th. Four out of six of us took it. As a whole we’re down from a peak of 38 ALTs for Junior High and Elementary school to 22 for now. We hopefully will get a new person at the end of September, and 4 more in November. Which will bring us to 27. This has led to ANOTHER round of school shuffles.

Summer vacation has been weird the last two years. With rona-chan, we haven’t really been able to travel. All the summer festivals (all the Autumn and Winter ones too!) have been cancelled, so the changing of seasons just feels, wrong. I dunno. There is so much we all miss from pre-rona-chan, and so much that doesn’t happen that makes this just feel like one long long unending year of sadness, coldness, raininess, unbearable heat and repeat. I’m tired. Time is going so fast, but so.dang.slow.

I lost my favorite school (AGAIN GDI!!!) and gained the school I taught a semester at in 2019....I had my first day there on Wednesday. Schools actually started back on September 1st so there was some drama as the BoE didn’t communicate fast enough about our school changes. We legit got told on the 27th of August (on a Friday) our schools were changing effective September 1st, but somehow some of our schools found out on the Monday 30th August. In July we were told we would be changing schools at the end of September, so.a lot of ALTs and schools were left short changed, not having opportunities to say goodbye to co-workers or students/having their planning for the semester more or less thrown out the window too. I love my job. I really dislike the way the BoE treats us, the Japanese assistant language teachers and our schools.

The new school I have is used to having an ALT there twice a week, who plans all the lessons and executes them. I’m at three elementary schools. I'm only at each once a week, I want to plan, but being that I miss an entire lesson in between visits, it's going to be difficult to do so. Not impossible, but being that I'm already doing it for two other schools, who are at two different places in the textbook ah…….. From what I have talked to my new supervisor about though, it sounds like the teachers have taken on more of the lesson planning and I'll be able to contribute ideas when I'm there. I just want to and wish I could do more without being confused all the time. (This is all usually done in my second language too, not in English so extra levels of confusion and miscommunication abound).

I feel like this at my JHS too a lot of the time. I want to contribute more, but even with constant communication with my main in school supervisor (who is a badass and pretty much on the same page about everything with me) I still feel about as useful as tits on a bull. Especially now that classes have been cancelled and or shortened, there's less time to do stuff. Any game or activity I plan is usually cut in favor of making up time in the textbook. When I'm in class, I'm back to being a tape recorder, the fun police and general nuisance.　

Also in the last week...my two of my schools were shut due to students testing positive for the rona. This is the second time my schools have had a scare in the last 8 months. And by shut, I mean the students were all at home, but the teachers all had to come into the office. Because why not I guess….. I mean, the cases increasing is really not unexpected with the amount of people who were travelling over obon and the increase of cases due to the Olympics/Japan being slow on vaccinating/delta being the dominant strain/Japan's leaders doing relatively little except asking shops and restaurants to limit people coming in at one time and closing before 8pm. I know my schools weren't the only one shut either - but still High Schools were having their sports days this week. I kept on seeing groups of kids hanging in the park after, so that was a little bit nerve wracking.

It's just frustrating - we’ve been on half days to “minimize the risk of infection” for kids and teachers, as if only being at school from 8am through to 1pm is going to reduce the risk. My schools have only just started testing out Microsoft teams and Zoom lesson equipment. Thankfully our school’s run in this time was contained real quick, the family was super good about informing us when they got their results back, and the fact they needed to be tested. The homeroom teacher and the students from the same class were the only ones tested, and they all came back clear, which was nice. But the information came back so SLOW.

I’m a little irritated because I found out on Wednesday night what was going on, and even if I am vaccinated, I am super worried that I will end up being the covid monkey due to being at different schools three days out of five. I think other than being worried that I will catch it myself and get real sick, my biggest fear is that I will be protected from bad symptoms from the vaccine, but still be able to pass it onto some of my more vulnerable friends and students. The whole thing is a mess.

Other than Covid and BoE drama, life is good. I’ve had a couple of other big changes - both fantastic and not so great, but yeah. I have my health (and health insurance!) for now. I have a job, for now. I have a sense of existential dread for the next 12 months, but we’ll see where we end up. Life post JET is going to be way less cushy and I am TERRIFIED. I mean, I have a BA in Eng/Ling and no idea what to do with it…..because I am NOT suited for academia.

TLDR: Love my job. Don’t like the system. What is life? Future scary.

#life on JET #blog post #life in Japan #jet programme #jet program

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mgkconfessions · 5 years

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Girls, Girls, Girls - Who is who?

This is an overview of the most talked about girls on this blog, who are or were in Kells’ life one way or another. (It isn’t finished yet and I’ll update it whenever I can, next girl will be Sahara.)

(in alphabetical order)

Chantel Jeffries

Nicknames used on this blog: Schantelle, C.

Instagram: chanteljeffries

Twitter: ChantelJeffries

Youtube: Chantel Jeffries

Profession: DJ, Instagram model, Youtuber (although she only posts if her video is sponsored these days)

Relationship to Kells: Probably dated from the beginning of July 2019 towards the end of October 2019.

Summary: I don’t recall the exact date when he followed Chantel or if she was already following him on Instagram, but publicly it all started when she attended his concert at The Wiltern in L.A. on June 30th 2019. Shortly after, both were seen at the Peppermint Club in L.A. to watch Dave Chapelle, where they were being filmed and photographed by paparazzi and afterwards had dinner at the Nice Guy. On July 4th Kells announced that he smashed Chantel and did the walk of shame, the same day they were at the 6th Annual 'Red, White & Bootsy' 4th July party in Malibu, where Chantel was djing and Kells performed as well. However he did the walk of shame actually multiple times according to an anon. Despite many fans complaining about her not being supportive, she did at least post about ‘Hotel Diablo’ on it’s release day. In the beginning there were many paparazzi pictures and videos taken of them (I let you guess who called them) for example when they were having lunch with Chantel’s friends or dinner and one time they even met up in New York, where he did some interviews for his new album ‘Hotel Diablo’ at the end of July. Chantel’s favourite paparazzo even got to asked both Chantel and Kells about their dating life, but neither of them really admitted to anything yet. He also caught them talking to fans or picking up clothes, although not for Jake Paul’s wedding as the title suggests. Jake Paul actually doesn’t like Chantel much and completely exposed her once (around 12:50). Anyway Kells also drove Chantel and her friends to Comic Con in San Diego, where he posted Chantel’s feet on his steering wheel and lap, while he was driving the car. Apparently Chantel didn’t see anything wrong with that and a week later she even joked around with Kells about him driving without a license. So for a month they spend a lot of time together, but since August he was touring again and went to Japan and Europe, so it seemed like they only saw each other a couple of times for example in London, where Kells took a flight earlier than his band mates, while Chantel was again with two friends there. Allegedly when he was in London with her, they started following each other, after many fans were speculating why they weren’t following each other already, however he allegedly removed some of his likes on more sexual posts, some thought that she might have told him to do it. Twitter was in general a medium for Chantel to subtweet about Kells all the time and having extreme changes in her mood. Especially since September their relationship seemed to go downhill. She tweeted song lyrics about lovers becoming strangers and missing someone, but also starting to forget about him. But around the middle of September, they seemed to be fine again, because Chantel posted a picture of two lovers in a bad on her Instagram story, which she captioned with ‘us’. By the way she previously posted another picture, where the couple resembled her and Kells back in July. However they seemed to have had a fight, maybe even took a break or called it quits, only a couple of days later. Chantel posted about the perfect song for an afternoon cry, while Kells told everyone that he’ll date himself. Two days later he was still in a bad mood. Nevertheless around a week later, they were still or back together and Chantel made their relationship public by posting a paparazzi picture of them in Kells’ car and calling him her baby. Kells took his time until he reposted the picture on his Instagram story as well only to delete it briefly after and then posted it again hours later. He seemed a bit unsure of this whole thing. And I honestly believe that Chantel didn’t post it, because they were so in love, but because it was the last thing she felt she could do to try to keep their relationship going. For her birthday Kells commented nothing special under her birthday picture, but her sister reminded us all that Chantel was still in his life by congratulating her with a picture of Chantel next to Kells’ yellow car. Around that time he fully stopped occasionally liking and commenting on her Instagram pictures and their relationship seemed quite done and over based on the cryptic tweets Chantel wrote in October about him. There was for example her very insensitive tweet about Kells choosing to be sad, which she was called out for by other fans, because it was obvious that she was talking about him or her liking tweets about being ignored. Shortly after that she claimed to have an existential crisis, I assume because of Kells, while he opened up about feeling hurt all the time, but blamed himself for it. The next day he unfollowed Chantel, so it seemed like they broke up for good and the same day he lost control on stage and explained that personal frustration was the reason for it, but that he wanted to get help after the tour ended. Chantel stayed quiet about it, but after a video appeared in which a guy was touching a girl’s ass and then showing the middle finger, while the girl and her friend were dancing on the Tour bus and Chantel and her sister were the only ones tagged on the post, she unfollowed him as well on October 29th. But that wasn’t the end yet, because now she had some things to say in her typical cryptic tweeting style. A day after she unfollowed him, she started with saying that hurt people hurt people, which was a tweet that Kells liked, continued with that she has questions and I assume that Kells made her feel something again. However Kells kept being petty towards her as well with Sahara (see below) and after that ended, him and Chantel refollowed each other on Instagram again and ended up partying together into the new Year 2020, but Chantel seemed to have moved on with Diplo for now, while Kells is in love with the music.

In my opinion these two didn’t fit at all and I talked in more detail about it here, but from the beginning it was clear that they wouldn’t work out, because Kells usually preferred his privacy while Chantel seemed to be someone, who needed and enjoyed the media attention and had no problem with publicizing her relationships. Also Kells was and still is struggling with his own demons and Chantel seemed to lack empathy and understanding for it, accusing him more than understanding that he isn’t in the right mindset for a relationship. I don’t know if this relationship was supposed to be exclusive, because Kells hooked up and wanted to hook up with other girls on tour, but he said before that girls know what they’re getting into, when they’re dating him and Chantel’s own friends literally joked about how Chantel’s bad habit is that she doesn’t know that she has a boyfriend (around 08:04), which was Kells and I also doubt that Chantel was completely focused on him either, although it might have looked like it. She’s a calculated person and knows how to climb up the social ladder and how to play people and present herself in the public eye. I’m sure she always has an eye on other celebrities, from whose relationship she could benefit.

Eden

Instagram: e.d.en

Profession: assistant

Relationship to Kells: She was first seen working as his assistant during the European leg of his Hotel Diablo Tour and the Justin Bieber Big Tour with Young Thug both in 2019.

Hedi Gores:

Instagram: hevin_gg (private)

Profession: co-founder of “Pressed Juicery”

Relationship to Kells: casual dating that turned into an open long-term toxic relationship from probably around the end of 2015 till the beginning of 2018

Summary: They met through their mutual friend Taav Cooperman. At first it was only casual between them until they realized that it was time to stop fucking around. They dated till around his birthday in 2016 and were on and off till 2018. Although Hedi has been described by various people as a toxic person and she went back and forth between Kells and her ex(-es), she seemed to be one of the few woman, he caught feelings for and was also one of the few, who he posted about on his Instagram page. He also knew family members of her, who liked him as well. But apart from that they kept their relationship low-key and most pictures of them were posted by friends. She was also the one, who got him more into fashion and I believe even had some connections for him. It is believed that his songs ‘Let you go’ and ‘The Break Up’ are about her. I don’t know if they’re still in contact, because they run in the same Hollywood circles, but I hope that she will never be a part of his life again, because she seemed to only want to play with him and keep him as her plan B, when she can’t date someone else.

In my opinion she never really loved him, because you wouldn’t play with someone you love and respect. However I think that Kells was in love with her, because she’s actually a mum, who takes care of her son and Kells never really had a mother, so he probably saw her as a caring and nurturing woman. She also fits to his preference of an independent woman, since she runs her own business and was fine with him sleeping with other girls.

Josie Canseco:

Instagram: josiecanseco

Twitter: JosieCanseco

Profession: model

Relationship to Kells: I believed that they were dating, others thought that they weren’t, but after writing this, I changed my mind. It looks like she wanted them to become something serious, while he preferred to keep it a casual fling from around January till the beginning of April 2019.

Summary: Publicly it all started after she commented a black heart under a picture of him around January 14th 2019, which isn’t on his Instagram page anymore. However you can still see the picture on the photographers Instagram page (melimelzone). The only pictures of her and Kells were taken on January 28th, where she went to Sundance Film Festival as well, I assume as his plus one, where they showed Big Time Adolescence. And on February 1st both of them attended Pete’s comedy show in L.A. After that they weren’t publicly seen together anymore, but she was busy on social media liking pictures of him on his fan pages and posting about him and the guys on her Instagram story, while Kells was very likely hooking up with Paris Hilton and partying with Katie (see below). At a mutual friend’s birthday dinner, that happened in the beginning of April, they were already not sitting next to each other anymore (Josie was wearing the grey cap and white shirt) and like 2 weeks later she unfollowed him finally. But that isn’t really a surprise, considering that she unfollowed and refollowed him so often during this short time to the point where fans couldn’t take it seriously anymore. She also wrote many cryptic tweets about him and allegedly deleted tweets prior to being with Kells, in which she was siding with Eminem and agreeing to everything he said about Kells during their beef. She’s also known for posting Eminem songs whenever she’s unhappy with Kells (till this day) and allegedly talked shit about him before, during and after their fling. I guess because he attacked Eminem and then she was unhappy, that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with her. However they seem to be on friendly terms now. Recently she even tried to flirt with him on Twitter again, but he still didn’t seem interested in her like that.

In my opinion Josie is probably too childish for Kells and brings too much stress. Kells is actually a chill guy and Josie seems like things need to go her way or she would throw a tantrum. She also has no problem with pda and publicly living her relationships, although I don’t think that’s so surprising, since she was part of reality tv shows before.

Katie Knobbe:

Instagram: katieknobbe

Twitter: KatieeKnobbe

Profession: wardrobe stylist

Relationship to Kells: I don’t know if she has styled him before, because of her job, but they seem to be in a friends with benefits situation, although some of us believe, that Katie caught some feelings for him. They probably know each other since 2018.

Summary: tbc

Nicky Mir:

Instagram: nicky.mir

Twitter: NickyMirXX

Profession: assistant

Relationship to Kells: Fans seem unsure of how long she has worked as Kells’ assistant and if she’s still working for him, but it has been at least a couple of years. She is also a huge fan and part of EST.

Sahara Ray:

Nicknames used on this blog: PG (Personal Groupie)

Instagram: sahara_ray

Twitter: Sahara_Ray_

Profession: Instagram model, owns her own swimwear line “Sahara Ray Swim”

Relationship to Kells: Very likely just an extended hook up, who joined him for a short period of time while on his tour with Young Thug in November 2019, although she acted like they were a proper couple throughout the whole time.

Summary: tbc

#girls girls girls #mgk #mgkconfessions

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karasunonolibero · 5 years

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2019 writing self-evaluation

so i did this over on my main last year, and since i had what i felt was a productive year, i wanted to do it here! i’ve included all works, from every fandom i wrote for, so there’s definitely a variety but also a clear distinction of when i stopped writing 1d and started writing for haikyuu, heh. anyway, i’m proud of all the work i’ve done this year, so here’s to 2020!

ALL FICS MUST HAVE POSTED ON AO3 IN 2019

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: 50

2. Word count posted for the year: 147,038

3. List of works published this year (in order of posting):

two loves have i (5 january)

it’s only your imagination again (25 january)

the pain’s only temporary (8 february)

blow a kiss, fire a gun (9 may)

waiting to be found (14 may)

a swim with a shark (6 june)

sweet and lowdown (19 june)

one more time as if we planned it (24 june)

always be my thunder (23 july)

will your mouth read this truth (30 july)

tumblr drabbles & prompts (last updated 3 august)

I’m on my way up (’cos you make me bliss out) (completed 4 august) (collab with Rider_Of_Spades on ao3)

even mountains crumble into the sea (7 august)

we’re on each other’s team (14 august)

dangerous, tainted, flawed (20 august)

life can do terrible things (25 august)

the night before life goes on (1 september)

when the letter says a soldier’s coming home (17 september)

when the air ran out (19 september)

something missing tonight (21 september)

built castles from sand (26 september)

underneath the stars we came alive (8 october)

sweet talk and sugar (10 october)

got my name on this treasure (11 october)

just a little taste, babe (14 october)

iwaoi horror week drabbles (completed 1 november)

don’t let the tide come (31 october)

daisuga week drabbles (completed 24 november)

how (not) to put on a condom (26 november)

taste the tension, now i’m begging (2 december)

kiss the boy (7 december)

till tonight do us part (11 december)

i wish i could be there now (13 december)

on our way to twenty-seven (15 december)

for the dream far away (24 december)

a collar full of chemistry (25 december)

fall down and commune with me (28 december)

a little of love’s electricity (31 december)

the city is at war (last updated 31 december)

4. Fandoms I wrote for: (stats pulled from the ao3 filter feature on my works)

haikyuu!! (41)

one direction (9)

the legend of zelda: breath of the wild (3)

all time low (1)

crystalline (1)

5. Pairings: (i didn’t count side or past pairings)

iwaizumi hajime/oikawa tooru (14)

sawamura daichi/sugawara koushi (13)

oikawa tooru/sugawara koushi (4)

azumane asahi/nishinoya yuu (3)

kuroo tetsurou/sawamura daichi (2)

kuroo tetsurou/yaku morisuke (1)

akaashi keiji/oikawa tooru (1)

sawamura daichi/sugawara koushi/terushima yuuji (1)

sawamura daichi/terushima yuuji (1)

sugawara koushi/terushima yuuji (1)

link/revali (1)

mipha/zelda (1)

louis tomlinson/harry styles (5)

louis tomlinson/zayn malik (1)

alex gaskarth/louis tomlinson (1)

liam payne/louis tomlinson (1)

zack spade/pixel fade (1)

6. Story with the most:

Kudos: two loves have i (275)

Bookmarks: two loves have i (34)

Comments: two loves have i (25)

9. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

on our way to twenty-seven! i was digging into some identity and sexuality issues that i myself have dealt with in the past and writing about it was the first time i’d really dove into some of that stuff, so i really enjoyed writing it and i think it’s some of my best.

i’m also really proud of i’m taking back the crown and i wish i could say why. i just really like the way it came out. writing oikawa as this desperate dethroned prince trying to reclaim his kingdom at any cost only to be beaten at his own game in his own home was just...ugh. it was so much fun to write.

10. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

one more time as if we planned it, definitely. i just felt super rushed writing it. it was for the one direction rarepair fest, which was super fun, but i had Just finished a longer fic a few days before this one was due and i initially tried to drop out because i thought i wouldn’t be able to finish it, but i did, but i still feel like it’s rushed and just not as good as it could have been if i’d planned better and given it some more time.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

im gonna do what i did last year and post more than one, because 1. i can’t decide and 2. i quite honestly am pretty proud of a lot of what i wrote this year

from when the letter says a soldier’s coming home —

Tooru’s squealing somewhere behind them, and Hajime’s gruffly trying to get out the door, and he’ll have to call the school and make up something about being sick so he can spend the day catching up with Daichi, but it can wait. It can all wait. Because Koushi’s waited long enough. It’s about time the rest of the world waits for him.

from strawberries on a summer evening —

Suga hums against him, licking strawberry seeds from between Daichi’s teeth, like he’s just as intoxicated by Daichi as Daichi is with him. Daichi could live here, in this feeling, ignoring everything except how Suga sounds (like bliss personified), smells (like sunblock and sweat), tastes (like sugar and salt). He’s the hottest part of the summer, high noon in mid-August, just this side of too much to handle, but addicting in how it leaves you at its mercy.

from on our way to twenty-seven —

“Sorry, what was your name again?”

Tetsurou opens his mouth to say his American name, but he catches Daichi and Suga looking at him, and he swallows it down. “My name is Tetsurou. Tetsurou Kuroo.”

“I thought you wanted people to call you Tyler,” Timothy says.

Tetsurou shoots him a glare and says it again, feeling his confidence start to grow. “My name is Tetsurou Kuroo. Tetsu is fine, too, but I don’t go by Tyler anymore.”

12. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

any time tasteofsummersnow left me a comment, it made my heart go doki doki!! her comments are so in depth and so very sweet and it’s so much fun to see her real-time reactions to my writing. i go back and reread them like once a week they’re so nice ;_;

13. A time when writing was really, really hard:

the spring/early summer in general was tough, like from march to june. i didn’t post anything between february and may, and i feel like i was struggling a lot creatively around like may/june of this year. i think it’s because a lot of stuff in the 1d fandom was really turning me off at the time and that’s when the burnout fully hit.

14. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

definitely sugawara in the city is at war. i was writing that first chapter and initially i just wanted to see him step up when daichi wasn’t around but he very quickly turned sadistic and ruthless and scarily sharp, which is just so much fun to write him as. and his relationship with daichi is just—ugh. love that violence-fueled romance. they would kill a hundred men for each other and be turned on once they were finished.

honestly, all of the city is at war has surprised me. the idea came to me in a dream on a long bus ride, of all the clan leaders having a meeting and being attacked, and i woke up and banged it out in 36 hours. i meant it to be a oneshot but as i wrote it, i realized i loved the au so much there was no way i could leave it at that. so now it’s got a whole plot and all that. fun!

15. How did you grow as a writer this year:

last year i said i felt i grew writing angst and exploring different emotional themes, and i think i built on that even more this year. i did a bunch of shorter pieces this year and i feel a lot of them really explored emotions and characters more than plot, and that’s been so much fun. and then as well, like i said before, i’ve branched out into the crime-action genre with the yakuza au. and! iwaoi horror week was my first real attempt at spooky/creepy/horror-type writing, and, it was a fun challenge for sure.

i also said i wanted to just keep writing and be spontaneous and i definitely did that this year. i posted so many fics not caring how long it had been since the last one—sometimes it was less a day. numbers stopped mattering to me. i posted just because i wanted to put my writing out there and share it with the world, knowing there had to be someone out there who’d like it.

16. How do you hope to grow next year:

i feel like 2019 was a year of trying a lot of new things, so in 2020 i’m hoping to explore some different ships and tropes. the sheer number of characters and ships in haikyuu means there’s a ship for just about every trope and au out there, and i want to play around with some dynamics i’ve never written before.

17. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

as always, a shoutout to the loggies, who have been a fantastic source of inspiration and support all year even after i retired from 1d fic. and i would also like to thank the people i met via various hq discord servers—you know who you are!! thank you for the sprints, the encouragement, the inspiration, and the friendship. as someone brand new to the fandom, the support and sense of community has been nothing short of amazing, and you guys are part of the reason i felt so comfortable in this fandom so quickly.

18. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

actually, yeah. even mountains crumble into the sea was written the night before i broke up with my ex. i wrote it as an exercise to get all my feelings out, lay them all on the table where i could see them and pick through them, and then imagine the best possible way the scenario could go.

19. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

honestly—just write! write what you’re happy with. write even if you don’t post it. write, because everything you do is practice that’ll help you improve.

and don’t be afraid to write out of order or write more than one project at a time. i know that won’t work for everyone, but for me, if i didn’t immediately write what was on my mind, i probably wouldn’t have posted half of what i did this year.

20. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

hey remember last year when i said i was gonna finish the breath of the wild au?? L M A O i’m really gonna finish it next year i swear!!

i have a fic posting in the spring for the nsfw big bang which i’m ALSO very excited about! i’m lucky to be working with such a talented artist and the end result is gonna be amazing and i’m so so excited.

i also want to keep going with the city is at war, because that plot was a pleasant surprise. and there’s an ever-growing list of fic ideas and aus that i’m so excited to write—some of them were originally for larry aus but i’ve repurposed them for haikyuu pairings and that’s helped breathe new life into some old ideas.

21. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

anyone who sees this and wants to do it! just tag me, i wanna read your answers!

#keely.exe #keely's writing tag

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dansnaturepictures · 5 years

Photo

10 of my favourite locations to watch butterflies in the south of England

I felt like doing a post saying 10 of my favourite locations where I go either mainly to watch butterflies or you can see a lot of butterflies there. Please see below with explanations of which picture I’ve taken in this photoset were at them. Three relate to selected locations in a general area. The order the places are in is west to east, however for the general areas I used the most westerly selected location to determine where it went in the order. As I wrote them up it became logical to give day-flying moths, dragonflies and damselflies an affectionate mention too.

Martin Down National Nature Reserve

One of my general favourite nature reserves as I have said so many times, we largely discovered it due to butterflies and it just had to make this list. It’s a really nice grassland habitat for the most part which is really a throwback to how English countryside should look. It also has some woods the other side of the road helping to broaden the richness of butterflies in this habitat. I would say the star species include Marsh Fritillary as shown here in May in the first picture in this photoset, most blues but especially Common, Adonis, Small and Brown Argus, Small Copper, Orange Tip, Small Heath, Green Hairstreak, Grizzled and Dingy Skipper, Large Skipper, Small Skipper, Meadow Brown, Painted Lady, White Admiral and Silver-washed Fritillary. Cinnabar Moths a common sight too.

New Forest National Park

Particular locations: Standing Hat, Bolderwood, Deadman/Turf Hill and Whitefield Moor

The New Forest is a vast location which is very biodiverse. Generally its really good for a few speciality butterflies, two of my favourites the Silver-studded Blue and Common Grayling on the heath standouts. Green Hairstreak is another one that should be looked for, as well as the common all-season species such as Red Admiral and the Whites in various parts. Lots of dragon and damselfly life around here around the pools and rivers too, Keeled Skimmer, Golden-ringed Dragonfly and Beautiful Demoiselle just a few highlights. Whitefield Moor is the best place I know for the graylings in summer I took the second picture in this photoset of one there last July, with the Turf and Deadman Hill walk the main place for Silver-studded Blues for me although the whole New Forest is so great for them. Standing Hat and Bolderwood are classic examples of great woodland habitat boasting Silver-washed and Pear-bordered Fritillaries, Large Skippers and White Admirals between them. Both very good for dragon and damselflies too and of course Speckled Wood. Standing Hat also has a nice array of grassland species like Meadow Brown, Ringlet, Marbled White etc. in certain areas.

Bentley Wood

Another of my real favourites, it’s a real woodland haven. The tall trees and sun kissed paths are so good for species such as White Admiral, Silver-washed Fritillary as I photographed there in 2014 the third picture in this photoset, Large and Small Skipper. Purple Hairstreak and whilst I’ve never seen them there Purple Emperor and White-letter Hairstreak are stars too. Grizzled Skipper and Duke of Burgundy are two grassland types that little bits of this here broadens the types of butterflies to be seen here. Perhaps for me its standout species come in a really great grassland clearing too Pearl-bordered and Small Pearl-bordered Fritillaries which we come for the former every year and have seen the latter too. Its really good for moths here as well.

Isle of Wight

Particular locations: Ventnor and Afton Down

Certainly one of the biggest butterfly attractions in this part of the world is the rare Glanville Fritillaries that have a stronghold in the Ventnor/Compton Bay areas. I have only enjoyed this pleasure once in 2013 the real rebirth of my butterfly interest discovering many of these sights and making a whole host of species available for us to see, and must try to do it again sometime. I did take the fourth picture in this photoset of one then though. On that day six years ago also we stopped by Afton Down a nice little piece of grassland habitat, where Small Blue first came into my life.

Stockbridge Down

Another of the biggies for me, so many of my greatest butterfly days ever occurred at this golden grassland triangle. Its star species is the Chalkhill Blue in summer one of my favourites and its managed so well for them I photographed it the fifth picture in this photoset in 2015, Clouded Yellow, Gatekeeper, Dark Green and Silver-washed Fritillary, Ringlet, Brown Argus, Grizzled Skipper, Silver-spotted Skipper and Adonis Blue especially the latter brood in August which like the Chalkhill as one of my favourites I first saw here in 2013 are also big stars of this place butterfly wise.

Farley Mount

Not far from Stockbridge Down this is another really nice grassland spot, but this one I’ve visited all my life. There is also the West Woods as part of the walk around it. The grassland’s star is the Dark Green Fritillary as shown in 2013 here by my sixth picture in this photoset, with Marbled White a close second followed by Ringlet and the other common species. Dingy and Grizzled Skipper are found here earlier on in the season too. The woods has a star of its own, the White Admiral I’ve seen it so often here, as well as Silver-washed Fritillaries, Small and Large Skipper and I’ve seen Scarlet Tiger Moths here the last two years too. It proved my saviour in 2018 to see Commas a butterfly I waited until June to see then which was unusual and key point to my slow start but storming middle and finish of my greatest ever butterfly season last year.

Lakeside Country Park

The country park I have visited all my life is so good for wildlife all together tucked away in an urban jungle really, but nice pieces of wood and especially some really nicely managed grassland which I so often cut through on my way back from work and on my way to the railway station in the morning. Species wise Speckled Wood will always be a strong one in the woods. But early in a season its so good for Peacock, Small Tortoiseshell, Red Admiral, Comma, Brimstone, the whites and will remain that way throughout. Into summer though and the grasslands come alive, Common Blue, Brown Argus and Small Copper standout ones I’ve seen here for this little patch, but Meadow Brown, Gatekeeper and Ringlet in their dozens make it the perfect place to do my Butterfly Conservation Big Butterfly Count (or two) in the summer. Large and Small Skipper are ones I so often see here, but there is only one species that I would say Lakeside is definitely the best place I know to see and that is the butterfly I nickname the grassland area in front of the word meadow as, Marbled White as shown a few weeks back in the seventh picture in this photoset. A great spot for moths such as burnet and damselflies and later on dragonflies too.

Winchester

Particular locations: Abbey Gardens, The River Itchen by City Mill, St. Catherine’s Hill and Magdalen Hill

I lumped my work city together as it hosts great butterfly sights at different stages in seasons. Abbey Gardens where I often eat my lunch with some nice trees and flower beds is a top location to spot the early season ones, Peacock, Small Tortoiseshell, Red Admiral, Brimstone and Holly Blue are ones I have got as lunch time year ticks early in seasons here before. Move along a bit to beside the River Itchen where I eat lunch also and this is perfect habitat for Orange Tip which I have seen here the last two years for the first time in them one of my favourites as well as the other whites.

In and around the city though are standout butterfly spots, like St. Catherine’s Hill further down the river. Such a good spot for many butterflies as part of grassland habitat again, Chalkhill Blues and Red Admirals the stars but all the summer grassland ones are found here as well as which I discovered this year first of all really Dingy Skippers and I imagine a few of those types of earlier butterflies in the year. Magdalen Hill is one of the first butterfly reserves we discovered and hosts quite a lot of woodland and grassland species, a good place to look for butterflies early and later in seasons. Blues are perhaps the stars; Small Blue is one of the butterflies you can always bet is gonna be there, I have also had amazing times with Common and Adonis Blue here the latter shown in eighth picture in this photoset from 2014. I’m told Chalkhill Blues are about too alongside Brown Argus but I’ve not seen either there, and Duke of Burgundys I understand are being introduced. Always a good site for a dragonfly to pop up too.

Noar Hill

Well into the South Downs is this one and its yet another brilliant grassland habitat with some bits of woodland too. We may only come here once (or twice if we don’t succeed the first time around) a year because of the species we aim to see here, but its still one of my favourite spots. Duke of Burgundy is the main star I don’t really consider anywhere else better to see them the ninth picture in this photoset is one from this year, closely followed by Green Hairstreak and Dingy Skipper. Small Heath and Orange Tip feel worthy of a mention for star species too.

Knepp

Could not be missed out as I had one of my greatest ever butterfly days on a Wildland Safari at this Sussex spot a year ago this week. We saw over 50 Purple Emperors one shown in the tenth picture in this photoset what we had come for a butterfly I’d dreamt of and tried to see for so long, and I believe they said you wouldn’t do better anywhere in the country. This is a brilliant example of how rewilding can work and a real credit to conservation. White-letter and Purple Hairstreak, White Admiral, Gatekeeper, Small Skipper and my first ever Scarce Chaser were stars that day also.

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putschki1969 · 6 years

Text

Japan ~ Summer 2018 #1 🎌🗻

Quick introduction: Hello my lovlies!! As most of you might already know, I went to Japan this summer. It was a rather spontaneous decision based on the fact that both Hikaru and Wakana had announced their solo lives. At that point I was suffering from a serious case of Kalafina withdrawal so I felt like I had no choice but to go. I just needed to see them. Also, it was my 30th birthday so I thought I would treat myself. You only turn 30 once, right? On a side note, the timing finally gave me the opportunity to do something I had wanted to do for a few years now. Climb Mount Fuji. o(〃＾▽＾〃)o So yeah, that’s the backstory of my trip. I stayed in Japan from July 30 till August 14 and pretty much my entire trip was dedicated to Kalafina Pilgrimage. Let me tell you this, it was by far the best summer vacation of my life, worth each and every penny! And believe me, there were a LOT of pennies involved XD

Notes: Once again this is coming pretty late but not as late as my previous travel report so that’s a good thing. It took some time to gather my thoughts and put them all into words. This report will be a bit different from the last one since I thought it would be nice to include some travel tips here and there. I guess you could see this as some sort of travel/Kala-guide. Many of my followers have never been to Japan so I guess some general info would be useful to make things easier for you if you ever decide to travel to Japan.

Please note that this is Part 1 of my report. The other parts will follow in the near future (hopefully).

Without further ado, let’s get to it 〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

July 29 (Sun) ~ July 30 (Mon)

My flight to Japan was scheduled for Sunday July 29. Finally a direct flight again. I HATE layovers with a passion. As always I couldn’t sleep on the plane so I watched all kinds of movies (Blade Runner 2049, The Greatest Showman, Love Simon, Red Sparrow and La La Land - I really don’t get the love for La La Land o.O). 11 hours later I landed at Narita Airport (8 am the next day JST). The second I stepped out of the plane and walked through that tube thingy that connects planes to the airport I thought I was gonna die, it felt like I had just opened an oven and a blast of heat and steam washed over me. To say it felt like a sauna is an understatement. Thank God the tube was rather short and I was soon insiden the airconditioned Narita Airport. I took my time there since I knew I wouldn’t be able to check into my hotel before 14:00. Got my luggage, got my wi-fi sim card, got my JR Pass, charged my Suica, got some instant Chai from Starbucks (the one that Hikaru had just recommended in a blog post XD), bought some fancy looking writing paper (for my letters to Hikaru and Wakana). So yeah, I basically chilled and caught up on all the stuff that I had missed while I didn’t have internet. Around noon I took the Narita Express to Tokyo. I always take the N’EX because it’s super convenient and fast. The fare is high but it’s covered by the JR Pass. From there it’s just one station on the Yamanote Line to my hotel. When I am in Tokyo I always stay at a business hotel in Kanda. Cheap and convenient. Ugh, the short walk to my hotel was hell. Carrying a backpack, shoving my luggage ahead of me, all of that in the middle of the day with the sun blasting down on me. Thankfully two locals took pity on me (I must have looked like I was about to die XD). They helped me with my luggage and brought me to my hotel. All the way I kept apologising because I honestly didn’t expect them to carry my stuff. I was like, “no, no, don’t do it, I will carry it myself!!” But nope, they were pretty stubborn about it. Ahhhh, everyone is so kind, it always makes me happy to be back in Japan. I guess those are the perks of looking like a small girl, everyone feels the need to help you XD Anyways, I checked in, freshened up and then I did a bit of shopping in Akihabara. Nothing extraordinary, mostly I just looked for second hand Kalafina stuff XD (as I always do) During this trip I didn’t buy a lot though. A couple of singles (One Light and Blaze), the LEs for “After Eden” and “far on the water”, that’s about it. I came across re/oblivious but meh, it was too expensive for my taste, that CD isn’t too high on my priority list at the moment if I am being honest. Anyways, I didn’t do much else that day since I was pretty exhausted from my flight and I definitely needed to rest considering all the things that were lying ahead of me. Before I headed to bed I wrote my letter for Hikaru (thank God I bought a bunch of stationary because I screwed up so often and had to start on a new paper XD) and that’s a wrap for my first day in Tokyo.

❗ Some tips ❗

Try not to travel to Japan in the summer time! Flights are crazy expensive, there are lots of typhoons, most places are brimming over with people (Japanese and tourists alike) and the awful humidity makes you want to kill yourself.

Get a JR Pass if you plan to travel a lot by train/shinkansen (long distance trips). Believe me, it pays off to have one even though the price might seem a bit scary. I like to get to places fast, don’t wanna waste my time by using slow trains or buses. That’s why for me the JR Pass is perfect but it might be different for some of you.

Get a Suica. While the JR Pass is quite convenient, it doesn’t cover any of the metros and other stuff. In most cases you will be able to get around using just JR lines but sometimes it will be much easier to just take the metro or a bus and in these cases a Suica comes in quite handy. You simply charge your card and off you can go.

Get a rental sim card or a portable pocket wi-fi. The first time I went to Japan back in 2014 I didn’t have either of the two and man, I still don’t know how I survived, having no internet sucks. Wi-fi is super important, you can use google maps for orientation, you can always stay in contact with other people. You really shouldn’t travel without it. I recommend sim cards (if your device is unlocked) because the coverage is just much better. Some pocket wi-fis don’t work well in rural areas or underground. Definitely pre-order and don’t get it at the airport (so over-priced there!). I always have my rental delivered to the airport post office. In the past I have used the CDJapan service because it’s super reliable but there are other (cheaper) options I think.

I’d recommend you stay in the Kanda area or close to it: This only goes for people who want to stay in a hotel, if you are wiling to stay in hostels/shared housing the Asakusa area is probably better suited for you. Anyways, this area has a lot of so called business hotels. The rooms are small and basic but really, it’s all you need. And it’s not too expensive. While there are business hotels in other areas, Kanda is just a super convenient location in my opinion. Just one JR station away from Tokyo (down)/Akihabara (up). There’s a direct JR express connection to Shinjuku. Last but not least you have the Metro Ginza Line which connects you to the fancy-schmancy area of Tokyo.

July 31 (Tue) ~ Hikaru Birthday Event

I already posted a pretty extensive report about this day (☞^o^) ☞ HERE! Be sure to check it out if you haven’t already (I have edited it a lot ever since I first posted it). However, there are still a couple of things I didn’t mention there. That day I got my package from Fril with the Keiko Lily Brown blouse and Wakana Candy Stripper sweater I had wanted for a super long time. Too bad it was too hot to wear either of those. Aside from the two clothing items, I also finally got my Harmony magazine and my Hyakka Ryouran key pendants. And of course all the Hikaru merch. Ahhhh! It was a truly glorious Kala-day and I felt like I was being showered with all kinds of Kala-stuff. This was also the start of my Kalafina Pilgrimage (as I like to call it XD). As I have mentioned in my report, my friend Sai and I went to La Maison Kioi. I had already been there during my January trip but it’s such a lovely place that I didn’t mind going again. Still haven’t been to the private room though T_T Such a shame. But it’s on my to-do list. One day I will be in that private room!!! Then we went to Afternoon Tea - Tearoom. It’s the place where Hikaru bought her calpis lassi. We went to the shop in Shibuya Mark City in case any of you wanna go there too. The lassi was okay, nothing spectacular but not too bad. I guess you need to like the taste of calpis. After the live when I got home I immediately had to look for Hi-chan’s blouse. And YAY, I managed to find it super quickly. The price shocked me to be honest. It was almost 100 bucks even though it was already 50% off. At that time I didn’t really wanna buy it because I thought it was too expensive but oh well, I changed my mind XD (but more on that in a later post...)

❗ Some tips ❗

Try using pages like Fril or Zozoused to find old Kalafina fashion items. On my twitter account you can find all my detective discoveries (there’s pretty much nothing else there). You can make awesome deals on those sites. Kala-clothes are super expensive as we all know but when you buy them used, they are MUCH cheaper. The Japanese take a lot of care of their clothes so even their used items will be in great condition.

Try to get to the venue of a Kalafina live as early as possible if you want to buy all the merch. Yes, I know it’s rough and it feels like a waste of time to stand in line for hours on end but believe me, it’s worth it. I have seen many people underestimate the whole lining-up thing. As a reference, we were there at 10 am, the sale started at around 1 pm iirc. It was a small event on a weekday but still, by the time we arrived at the venue there were already around 25 people lining up and afterwards there came a ton more.

Try to bring little souvenirs from your country when you plan to meet up with fellow Kala-fans. Doesn’t have to be much, maybe some small chocolates or something. Everyone will appreciate the gesture and you won’t feel so bad when you receive a ton of stuff from the people around you.

Aug 1 (Wed) ~ Aug 2 (Thu) a.k.a. Mount Fuji Climb

The toughest two days of my trip (my entire life if I am being honest). Ever since 2016 (when Keiko first voiced her wish to climb Mount Fuji) I have had this idea stuck in my head. You know me, I am a crazy-Keiko-fan, she is my idol, my inspiration, literally the love of my life (♥ω♥ ) ~♪ When she said that she wanted to do it I KNEW I had to give it a try too. However, for the longest time I didn’t know if I would ever be able to do it. For one I am basically the least active person on this planet and two, summer is the official climbing season and I had never actually planned to travel to Japan in the summer time. But then all of a sudden the stars aligned and everything fell into place. When I decided to travel to Japan this summer I also decided that I would use the opportunity to climb Mount Fuji. There was no way around it. Plus, I thought it would be a great challenge for my 30th birthday (which was on Aug 2). In preparation I did a lot of cardio and leg strengthening, I also tried to walk AT LEAST 5 km every day for about two months. I met up with Sai at 11 am on Aug 1 (I am so glad I convinced her to come with me - she is a fellow crazy-Keiko-fan XD). We had some lunch at Shinjuku Station (I went for pizza because I thought I could use a lot of energy - and yup, I was right!). Then we took a direct bus to the 5th Station on Mount Fuji where we ate even more food (some overpriced curry). After acclimating for a while we started our hike at around 6 pm. We tried to be all inconspicuous and pretended to be part of a group led by two tour guides. These tours usually cost a lot of money and you can’t just take part in them but I think the tour guides took pity on us because we were all by ourselves (and we are both small so we probably looked like little girls). Or I don’t know, maybe they thought we were annoying gaijins but at any rate, they didn’t tell us to get lost so I guess that’s a good thing. The pace of the group was SUPER slow (which was good because it helped save a lot of energy). I had my issues walking in the group because I can’t stand crowds but it was probably for the best. After about an hour it started to get dark (thank God we all had our head lights because the darkness up there is unbelievably black, you don’t see anything). Soon after it also became freezing. You didn’t notice it when you were walking but whenever we took a break, you could feel the coldness creeping up on you (especially with all the sweat on your body). The entire climb took about 10 hours I would say (much longer than most reports had suggested). Obviously we took some breaks in between but for the most part all we did was climb (at a very slow pace though). Half of the hike we walked together with the group but then they stopped at a hut to rest there. We hadn’t booked a hut so we continued by ourselves but at that point there were so many people on the mountain that you were never alone.

Here comes the embarrassing part. Half-way up I had a full on panic attack. Like literally, I was hyperventilating, I was crying, believe me when I tell you, it wasn’t pretty, I was a mess. Some of the people around us thought I had seriously hurt myself or something but really, it was just me having a meltdown. Quick backstory: I suffer from a serious case of vertigo, I mean sometimes I can’t even walk stairs without getting dizzy. Now for the most part the climb wasn’t too bad. At least until we reached the 7th Station. It was exhausting of course but we had chosen the easiest trail (Yoshida), I was trying my best to always face the mountainside, I never looked down and I had my friend walk between myself and the hillside. But between the 7th and 8th Station the terrain was HORRIBLE: There are lots of steep, jagged-edged rocks. It’s very dangerous (or at least it FELT very dangerous to me). I was frightened to death. I had to use my hands and because I am so small I often had to hoist myself up the HUGE rocks. I was pretty much on my hands and knees for who knows how long. I tried to find the small rocks but sometimes there just wasn’t a way around a big one. The path got narrower as we continued along and there were sections where the ledge of the mountain was barely half a metre away from us! Can you imagine??! HALF A FREAKING METRE! That’s nothing. (*/ω＼*) Sometimes there wasn’t even a rope! Not that a tiny rope would have saved me from falling down (but you get my point!). You couldn’t really see anything, you just saw the blackness next to you. I tried to focus on myself and the person in front of me. And I held onto the mountain as best as I could. This is where being in a group came in handy. Because I was surrounded by people, I was literally FORCED to continue, I couldn’t just stop. This was honestly the scariest and most physically demanding thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. And then when we were taking a short break at one of the huts, I was having my crazy breakdown. I don’t know why it happened at that point, maybe because I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Or maybe I was scared of what would still happen. No idea, but I was close to giving up. I am so grateful to Sai for being by my side, she provided so much support and comforted me. I tried to think of Keiko and how I was doing this because of HER. Somehow, it helped a lot, keeping her in mind provided me with lots of strength. I am not a religious person but I guess this comes close to what people feel when they ask for a little aid from God...(sorry, this might sound blasphemous to religious people but I think it really was like that. It was like having a comforting presence around me that guided me ahead). Oh well, slowly but surely I managed to calm down and then the tour guide said that these had been the scariest parts and the rest of the hike wouldn’t be as bad. What a relief!! Soon after the group took shelter in a hut while we continued onwards. I really wanted to see the sunrise. The final parts were tough, I am not gonna lie. There were so many people that the trail got congested, the terrain was steep again and the summit felt like an eternity away. Then FINALLY at around 3 or 4 am (I don’t reallly know anymore) we reached the top. Sai and I fell into each other’s arms. We cried, we celebrated. We had done it!! ( •̀ᄇ• ́)ﻭ✧ All thanks to Keiko!!! BANZAI!! We found ourselves a nice place and waited for the sun to rise. At this point we were freezing and exhausted so the sunrise didn’t feel as epic as I had expected (or maybe my expectations were too high). It also started to get a bit cloudy so the clouds obstructed the view. But still, mind-blowing experience.

We warmed ourselves up a bit in one of the huts, had some breakfast (or at least Sai did, I just had a coffee - was still feeling a bit off due to my panic attack) and checked out the crater. Then it was time to make our way down. Thankfully you are taking a different trail than the one up. The way down is basically the trail the bulldozers use to transport stuff up and down the mountain. The road is slightly steep but nowhere near as steep as the way up. It’s also not as narrow so you don’t feel like you are falling off the mountain any second. What makes it difficult though is the slippery gravel. You have to be really careful not to slip. Walking downhill is also really hard on the knees and feet so we were in quite some pain. Once again it took longer than expected. I think we walked for about five hours in total until we reached the 5th Station. We took a lot of breaks though and listened to Kalafina. It felt amazing and eased our pain. The further we went down the hotter it got. [I am really surprised I didn’t get sick after the whole thing, so many temperature changes, so much freezing, so much sweating, so much physical exertion and sleep deprivation...I am really proud my body made it through all of that XD] Unfortunately we missed the bus we had reserved for 11 am but thankfully that wasn’t a huge issue because we managed to get seats on a later bus at around 1 pm I think. At around 3 pm we arrived at Shinjuku Bus Terminal and were hit by the Tokyo humidity. The air was so nice and crisp up on the mountain (even on the 5th Station)!! It was a huge shock to be back in the oven that is Tokyo. The plan was to go back to my hotel to freshen up a little and then have some celebratory dinner together. That’s when I had my second breakdown. The hotel staff wouldn’t let Sai come up to my room. I mean, I know the rules, single bedrooms don’t allow visitors but hell, we looked like shit and we hadn’t slept and we were dirty and sweaty and we really just wanted to freshen up a little. I thought they would understand...but they didn’t ...I felt horrible about that because things weren’t going according to plan. I didn’t know what to do, I certainly wasn’t going to leave Sai waiting in the lobby while I freshened up. So yeah, I was just sad and frustrated and exhausted which led to a ton of crying. Once again Sai was the one to provide comfort. We eventually decided to just go have dinner in our current attire. To hell with dirt and sweat. We went to Akihabara, found ourselves a nice Shabushabu place and stuffed ourselves with a ton of meat XD Too bad I forgot to take pictures, it truly was a wonderful meal! We really needed all that meat to recharge our batteries. Then we parted ways and I went back to my hotel. After getting all the dirt and sweat off me I called my family because everyone wanted to talk to me, it was my birthday after all. Then I fell into bed and had a nice refreshing sleep. All in all it was an “interesting” and eye-opening experience, probably the most scary yet exciting thing I ever did. I feel proud of what we achieved during these two days and I will forever treasure the memories. Kalafina has influenced my life like nothing else. They have made me become a better person, a stronger person. This experience has made that very apparent. Without my love for Keiko I wouldn’t have been able to do this. She really inspires me every day and I felt so incredibly close to her while I was up on that mountain. Combined with my nail appointment the next day, this was probably the closest I ever felt to her. It was like a soothing balm after not having heard anything from Keiko in such a long time. Last but not least, I gained an amazing friend. Sharing this experience with Sai felt special, it’s almost like there is a bond between us now.

❗ Some tips ❗

Take Mount Fuji seriously! I think I really did, I prepared myself thoroughly but still, I wasn’t 100% prepared for the experience. So yeah, do not underestimate the climb! People often say it’s an easy climb but that’s not true. It’s certainly not the Everest but it IS a challenge. At some point or another the altitude WILL get to you and the temperature changes are not to be taken lightly. Plus, you have to be in good physical shape.

Good shoes are key.

Bring lots of clothes. It gets VERY cold at night (the temperatures can drop below 0°C). Ski wear is often recommened. Definitely some layers. A hat, a scarf, some gloves and of course a head light. Also, some oxygen in case you suffer from altitude sickness (it’s sold on the huts).

Hydration is actually overrated. If you walk at a slow place (like we did) you won’t need a lot of water. At least we didn’t. So it’s best not to burden yourself with unnecessary weight. I would say a small bottle is enough, no need to bring 3 litres or whatever. It might be different if you walk during the day since you are constantly under the sun.

Even on the easiest trail (Yoshida) there are very dangerous parts so be careful and take things slowly. And be mindful of people behind you!

Decide whether you want to climb at night or during daytime (or both). We decided on a night climb without staying at a hut. This is physically demanding and not many people recommend it but you save a lot of money and time. Hiking during the day and taking shelter at a hut during the night might sound like a good idea but there are downsides to it. First of all, you are constantly under the sun. Secondly, the night at the hut will cost you A LOT and it will make your entire trip a lot longer. Plus, it is most likely not as re-energising as you might think because you will not get proper rest due to all the people around you. Lastly, there are still a couple of hours of night climbing left if you want to see the sunrise. So yeah, that’s why I decided against a day climb.

Expect to pay around 10 bucks to be able to hike up Mount Fuji. It’s some sort of mandatory donation. Also bring lots of 100 yen coins with you because you will need those to use the various bathrooms (which are quite horrible and have no running water so you better mentally prepare yourself for that).

Reserve your bus seats in advance but give yourself PLENTY of time. A one-way bus ticket costs around 20 bucks.

Aug 3 (Fri) ~ Nail appointment at ROI Salon

I didn’t do anything that day except go to my nail appointment (I was still exhausted but surprisingly not in a lot of pain. YAY!). (☞^o^) ☞ HERE’s my thorough report of my experience. Be sure to check it out. I fangirl a lot and I have since edited it quite a bit XD As I have mentioned above, my climb and this appointment have made me feel super close to Keiko. I don’t know how to explain it but I felt a connection. Plus, hearing that Keiko is doing fine, that she is finally getting some well deserved rest, it made me happy. I never had my doubts that Keiko was doing fine but to actually hear it felt nice. So yeah, the first few days of my trip were filled with Kalafina Love. During the Birthday Event I felt like an intimate connection was formed between Hikaru and myself and even though I didn’t actually get to meet or see Keiko, I DID feel close to her. （´・｀）♡ So many wonderful experiences in such a short little time! Absolute PERFECTION.

❗ Some tips ❗

A reservation HAS to be made in advance! You can do it online!

In your reservation you should mention that you are a Kalafina fan (just so both Keiko and Megumi get the option to change their appointments if they want to - in case Keiko’s appointment aligns with yours)

Be reserved and respectful, DO NOT PRY for information! If information is shared willingly with you that’s totally fine but don’t be the one to initiate anything. Don’t be that creepy stalker fan

All right, that’s it for Part 1...Thanks to everyone who made it to the very end of this post!! (*＾▽＾)／ I know it was a lot. In Part 2 I will talk about my Hikaru Pilgrimage in Toyama.

#kalafina #personal #travel guide #japan summer 2018 #mount fuji #japan #tokyo #wakana #keiko #hikaru #hikaru birthday event #long post #long text post #picture heavy #keiko nails #part 1

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ddarwen · 4 years

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Sigh! 2020.....what more can I say about this year. It’s been a bleak year not just for me, that I am very sure of. It’s not like how it was during SARS, where all I could remember about it was school being close and us teasing one of our classmates, whom shall not be named, while watching a movie. Ah, those were the days. But this time, Covid-19 didn’t just affect certain parts of the world and still is bad in many parts as well. Let’s see if I can recall the year.....

In January, the news of the COVID-19 outbreak reached our ears but I guess we all took it for granted, especially on the western part of the world (my opinion that is). We had small groups of juniors coming in. I was the first one of the team that got onto Zoom and was finding my way around it with much trials and error.

By February, many students decided to leave as things seemed to be getting worse. We were partially going on hybrid classes as things still seemed 50/50.

Then came March, things seemed definite. We were all getting prepared on teaching online with what remaining students we had and were all wondering what’s going to happen next, and still being skeptical that this wouldn’t last. Zoom trainings were held and as a team, we did runs on it so we could have a feel on how to go about things. Even set up a Zoom support group on WhatsApp in case something went wrong.

The dreadful April happened where we had to go on a lockdown or what we called a Circuit Breaker here and most of us started teaching online. It was so different being online for the duration of the class. Oh, how I missed being in the classroom. I looked up for different activities and improvised activities that I used to use in the classroom and tried to fit it to the online settings. Some worked. Some flopped, which was very much disheartening during this time. What was supposed to be a month of lockdown ended up to 3 months. During this time, our Zoom support group became and CB support group instead. We had weekly “chai sessions” just to keep sane.

I was very worried during this CB with my relationship with my mum but surprisingly it turned out to be better than expected. It was also the fasting month and this year we were all connected through video calls and sending food through grab to each other. It was different but nice.

May was a sad month as news of my uncle’s passing hit us all hard.

Eid in June was quite as it was still the CB. Again, we visited each other “virtually” or through texts and phone calls. To be honest, I liked that I didn’t have to go out visiting. 😬😬😬. Phase 2 was announced

July, we were finally over with CB and slowly tried to adjust going back to whatever work we have. Classes were less as students were at a minimum. “Chai Fridays” was still going on. General Election happened too which was a fast, smooth and organised, to me that is. I know there will be many who won’t agree with me.

August, one of my BFF had to leave, as being posted back to the home country. We’ve been texting since then.

During this time, we could only have groups of 5. Mask became part of our outfits too, making American Express no longer the thing not to leave home without.

Can’t much remember what happened in September and October apart from not having much classes. I’ve managed to get students to tutor so that supplemented some income.

Sometime in November, students started slowly trickling in and they are a lovely bunch of people.

By December, though classes were less but it was consistent and it was good.

So, since this year seemed bleak, there’ve been good times. I am grateful for friends and how we’ve been there for each other though not physically but both emotionally and virtually. We made effort to be there for each other making sure we are all ok. I am grateful for the time I get to spend with my mum as I don’t get to do that as often as I did before. I am grateful that I get to plan and save up more for my next trip. I am grateful that I still have a job and a roof over my head. I am grateful for love too.

So though this year hasn’t been absolute close to perfect it’s taught us a lot and with this new found knowledge and strength, we will face whatever comes in the next year head on.

With this, goodbye 2020, thank you for the lessons .......and hello 2021, I’m ready for you.

P/s Also lost a very good friend, Andy Iskandar, who was battling cancer.

P/s took a few online courses.

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subconfessions · 4 years

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Day 13

So it’s been 27 days, and 1560 edges since my last orgasm. July 13th is thankfully coming closer and closer, so long as I don’t do anything to get my orgasm pushed till August.

Anywhoo, to pick up again from where I left off, it was Friday and Daddy let me make my coffee without waiting for him to make his. Today was going to be a little busier for me, I had a lot of training hours I needed to complete for work (haha 15 to be exact), and then the BLM protest at 6 and I still had my edges and a blog post to finish that day.

I hadn’t gotten started on my work yet, so Daddy asked if I’d rather attach my wand, or put my dildo in my ass. I decided to go with the wand, I wasn’t sure if he was even really asking me heh. But to my surprise he told me to go tie it on. And alright, it wasn’t where it was supposed to beeee. My friend had come over and I forgot to unplug it and put it in the box before, so I had to quickly throw it in my dresser to hide it. And I swore I left it there, but I guess my memory did me dirty and I couldn’t find it. I told Daddy and he told me to focus on my training. Eventually I found my wand under my bed and put it right into the box.

After my training was done Daddy had me put my dildo in my ass, letting me know that I should probably put on some shorts so it stays in. I was to keep it in till the protest, and it had honestly been awhile since I’d put my dildo in my ass, and I always forget how good it feels, but how torturous it is to just leave it there, stretching me out and I can only wiggle around on it. Daddy told me I could take the dildo out 45 minutes before I left for the march, which left me with it in for a bit over an hour.

With shorts on, I continued about my day, not able to sit quite right, and unable to think about much else than the toy in my ass.

At five I was able to take it out, I went up to my room, and made a little video for Daddy like he asked, and making sure to show him my little gape.

I finished getting ready for the protest, I was going to wear my crotch rope and my medium plug, but I don’t really have any good clothes that will hide the rope completely, and if I wasn’t with people who don’t know about all that, I wouldn’t mind too much if it peeked out a bit, but not everyone I went with knows the kinds of things I get up too hehe but the plug, that was no problem at all to wear, helped me feel nice and subby for Daddy while I was out.

After the protest I went over to my friends house, so no more tasks for the rest of the night, and I left pretty early the next morning.

The weekends are always the worst for me getting coffee heh. I wake up so early all the time, mainly because I just prefer to, but I know Daddy doesn’t wanna get out of bed so early in the morning on the weekends, so I usually end up with some lunchtime coffee hmmph Daddy makes me work so hard to get him up. He’s lucky I can’t actually jump on the bed and poke at him hehe

But Daddy made me wait, and then surprised me by asking if I had written my blog post with all that waiting I did. Heheh nope, did not do that. So I sent Daddy a little message, but it seemed to be missing something so I added sassy emojis heh. But finally the time was here, and Daddy said we could go make coffee. Thank goodnessss

Daddy was going to be out for most of the day though, so he had a list of things for me to do. I had 100 edges to complete (since I didn’t finish the 50 yesterday), an hour of omegle shows, an hour workout with my large plug in, an hour of my nice clamps, 30 minutes of clover clamps and then pull them off, a blog post, and an hour of corner time. Quite the list, but I do like it when Daddy makes plans for my not so busy days.

I started with corner time, and Daddy suggested I combine my corner time with my clamp time, so I grabbed my clover clamps, set my timer, and got in the corner. Corner time with clamps is soooo much harder than corner time without clamps. Because there’s nothing to do but think, it’s so hard to focus on anything but the pain from the clamps. Thankfully having to stay still helped though so they weren’t getting pulled and bumped around the whole 30 minutes.

But once my timer went off I knew it was time to yoink them off. I grabbed my phone and set it up, and I tried to do it the way Daddy told me to last time, holding my tit with one hand and pulling with the other. I grabbed the chain and I pulled as hard as I could, and the thing wouldn’t budgeee. My nipples were already so sore from the 30 minutes, and I figured I would be able to do it since I did last time, so I just kept trying on both sides. It was so frustrating but they were just not letting go. After a couple minutes of trying I was feeling a whole lot of ouchies, and I hadn’t heard from Daddy so I sent Daddy the videos of me trying and then took them off nicely. I felt pretty disappointed in myself after that, but I feel it might have been the fact that they were just sitting there instead of getting pulled down by my tits in position 8. Regardless, my pussy was still soaked after all that.

After that I did my workout and then got moving on my hour of omegle shows putting my clamps on so I could get that done too. I was supposed to find people who would be willing to download an app and control my vibrator. It was hard to find people, most just wanted me to show off and would disconnect when I brought up my task. Which was understandable.

But then finally I found another dom who was willing to play with me. He took control of my vibe, and left it pretty much in the middle the whole time, aside from the occasional tapping to get me to react. He was fun to play with though, definitely brought out my submissive side right away when he told me to stop slouching. I showed him my toys, played with my tits and my clamps for him, and eventually had me spank myself for him before we parted ways. I wish I could get spanked more, but it’s really hard to spank yourself. But my ass just really wants that attention ☹

Edges time. At fifty Daddy asked for an update, so I sent him an image, and Daddy started teasing me while I was edging, making me feel really little and submissive. The edges these days are coming much easier, and especially when Daddy’s watching or talking with me while I’m edging. I finished my 100 edges and sent Daddy another picture, I was absolutely soaked and I was soooo desperate and horny. Its so conflicting at the end of my edges because I don’t want to stop, but continuing is so dangerous because it just makes me want to cum so much more.

After my edges, I went to write my blog post, but it was getting pretty late, and I actually ended up falling asleep in the middle of it. Thankfully I woke up a little bit later and Daddy seemed to find it funny that I fell asleep, and told me to go to bed and have it for him before he wakes up. I was so grateful, sometimes I just get so sleepy when I have full days, but that really just means I need to keep prioritizing better. So I sent Daddy a goodnight video and went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up and got right to work on my blog post, I knew I was gonna have to get it posted before Daddy woke up, and I had a general idea of when he’d wake up, but I really wasn’t sure. Which made writing my blog post that morning that much more exciting, not even knowing how much time I had to finish it. I was almost done, I was planning on writing a bit more, but then I got Daddy’s good morning text and I flewwww to finish my blog and post it hehe. I promised Daddy that I would write another blog post though to make up for the shortness of the last one. Daddy added an hour of workout and 60 minutes of drawing for Daddy to my list. I was allowed to draw whatever I wanted but it was for Daddy and should be about us.

I worked on my picture first, I was pretty excited about my drawing pretty much right as Daddy told me about it I had an idea. I drew a picture of Daddy telling me and all my stuffies a bedtime story like he did the other night, I was really excited and had so much fun drawing it hehe I’ll probably attach an image of it once I can edit this post on my phone.

I sent it to Daddy and he seemed to really like it hehe I really like showing him my little drawings, and they’re so much fun to do and come up with and they really put me into my little space which I really like being able to retreat into like that.

Then Daddy told me about how he didn’t do his push up’s last night and how he didn’t tell the other sub/dom from our group chat, uh oh, and how she was just starting to wake up. He also confided in me that he had gone over his calories uh ohhhhh annddd that he wasn’t planning on telling herrrr oh noooooooo. And you know. Daddy is always trying to get me to tattle on him heh. So… why not? At first I bluffed and told Daddy a message I could send her, and by the time he told me I’d be in so much trouble if I sent the message I had actually sent it to her. Oops. I was really enjoying this heheh it’s a lot of fun being able to tattle on daddy to her. But Daddy was planning on being naughtyyy and if Daddy wants the other sub to tattle on me when I’m naughty, I should be able to tattle on Daddy too hehe

I think it was so much fun because it was the first time he hadn’t pushed me to tattle on him hehe

I went to start my workout because I needed to get moving on my tasks, and Daddy told me to add the large plug because if I’m gonna be a pain in the ass, ya know might as well have my own.

Daddy seemed a little grumpy about me tattling hehe he even thanked me for doing it. But sadly he wouldn’t tell me what happened, but in all honesty the process of tattling on Daddy and seeing his reaction was all I needed.

Daddy told me that he was going to think of an even meaner punishment for me. And after a little bit he came up with it. I told him I didn’t want to know heh cause I couldn’t even imagine what it could be. But then Daddy just completely reversed me into asking for it.

I was supposed to write out Daddy’s name in rubber band bruises on my tits.

When I saw that message my jaw dropped and I dropped into submission. And I loved the last bruises, but these ones were going to be just waaaaayyyy more fun. But I knew the process of making them was going to be rough. But I was very excited. Having Daddy’s name on me was going to be a whole other level of submission for me.

I wrote my blog post, it was a bit short, and I was catching up, but as we know im behind again oops.

Then I got started on my bruises, I really wanted them to look nice. I was going to have them for awhile, and it was Daddy’s name so I wanted to do a good job on it. So I kind of planned it out and worked to make my rubber band a bit smaller so I could fit everything the right size, and still be able to hide it hehe.

It stung a lot, my right side definitely brusies easier than my left, but after doing the first two letters I got very focused and the pain wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, it was just making Daddy’s name look as nice and visable as possible.

Daddy turned skype on and caught me at the end of it, and he really really liked them, and that made me really happy cause I was also super into the fact that I had just branded myself with Daddy’s name for the next week or two till it fades.

After the snaps I started on my edges I told Daddy about how much easier it’s becoming for me to edge and he offered to bump up my daily number and heheh I declined, maybe soon I’ll ask to bump it up a little.

I finished my edges and did sent some messages between Daddy and the other sub, and then it was time for bed, I tied my rope, put my plug in and send Daddy his goodnight

Till next time

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gukyi · 7 years

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white chocolate fudge | ksj

⇒ summary: you and seokjin are the heads of your class, but recently he’s been sneaking off with shitty excuses and leaving you to watch over the students. when you finally follow him after he abruptly bails on your evening walk, you find yourselves in the forbidden forest with… a hippogriff hatchling?

⇒ hogwarts!au

⇒ pairing: seokjin x female reader

⇒ word count: 11k

⇒ genre: tooth rotting fluff

⇒ warnings: alcohol mention if you consider felix felicis an alcohol

⇒ a/n: guess who’s going to be a starting a series (it’s me)! this will not be a continuation of one specific fic, but rather a compilation of hogwarts!aus for each member, set roughly during the same universe. it’s called SORTED, and this is the first part! i hope you enjoy and please leave me any messages here. (this is unedited, because of course it is.)

It’s no secret that Seokjin is a fantastic student. Prefect, perfect OWLs, Gryffindor’s star Keeper. He’s every teacher’s dream pupil, always attentive and obedient and helpful, so much so that it comes as no surprise to see him be voted Head Boy for your final year, all of the professors beaming as they announce his name. His walk up to the front of their table in the Great Hall is followed loudly by applause as people from every house cheer, because of course it’s Seokjin, who is so powerful and enigmatic that he can unite the houses.

What does come as a surprise, as you continue to applaud the boy you find so enthralling yet so far away, is when your name is the one that’s called next, the teachers equally as proud to be announcing you as Head Girl. It’s not as though you are as eccentric as he, but you certainly do not live up the standards he has set. Your grades are decent, better than most, and you have good relations with the student body and your teachers, but that hardly qualifies you to uphold the responsibility of Head Girl. However, you’re not one to object, especially when the position will look attractive on your resumés and transcripts, so you, too, stand up from your seat at the Ravenclaw house table and walk to the front.

People applaud you just the same, but you know that their excitement does not compare to theirs when Seokjin was announced.

As you stand up there, nearly a meter apart and stiff as statues, he turns his head and shoots you his Signature Seokjin Smile, and it takes all of your restraint not to melt. You send a small grin in response before facing forward.

Your harbored crush on the boy has been steady for a while, morphing from a mere attraction to genuine care as the years have passed, as you spent brief moments together in the hallways or on projects. It’s never enough, but then again, neither are you, and you’re all much too busy to be spending time on relationships, anyway. But he is unattainable, out of your reach, because who could ever match the greatness that he embodies, as it’s certainly not you. Even as you shake hands, excited to be partners for a full year rather than a simple week, you keep him at a distance, fearful of what may happen if you let him draw too close.

It’s nearing the end of the November of your final year at Hogwarts and despite your vow to keep him distant, Seokjin has become closer than ever, and your heart is eager to open itself up to him, even with your warnings. You know every word you say to him makes the bubbling volcano in your chest get hotter, and you worry about what will happen when it explodes. For now, the friendship the two of you have built is enough.

Ever since the summer, Seokjin has been sending his faithful owl to your window, a tiny little pygmy that’s as cute as he is, with a heartwarming letter attached.

29 June

Hey Y/N!

It’s Seokjin, and I’ve sent my owl to you so that we can become closer before the next school year when we are plagued with the responsibility of being Head Boy and Girl. It’s a daunting task, isn’t it?

I know you’re wondering how I got your address and how my little owl didn’t collapse during the journey, and I can assure you that I found your place completely legally in the Wizard Handbook (your family’s Malfunctioning Magical Tools business seems fantastic, by the way) and that this little tyke (her name is Pudge) is a strong gal, so she can make it. She would appreciate it if you rubbed her right behind the ears, though. Gets some kinks out.

I’ve only sent this letter as a starting off point, so hopefully you don’t find it too awkward. Hi, I’m Seokjin, I’m in Gryffindor and I play Keeper on the house team, and I really, really love Pumpkin Pasties. In fact, I love all pumpkin-flavored edible goods. I would probably have sex with them if it were morally acceptable.

You?

Love, Your hopefully new friend, Seokjin.

14 July

Y/N,

Happy Bastille Day! I know I don’t look like someone who keeps up with most of the muggle antics in the world, but Bastille Day seemed like something fun to mention. Speaking of muggles, I was wondering what your blood status was? No hate, I promise, I just wanted to find out. It’s a nice thing to know about people, especially your friends.

Fine, fine, you can stop pestering me. I’m half-blooded, but spend so little time in the Muggle world that people often think I’m pure. No purity in this one! It gives me quite a laugh, sometimes.

I do hope you consider us friends as well, because if you don’t, I’ll be hypothetically mortified. But we’re close enough, right? I know your favorite animals and spells and food, so I think that counts as a friendship.

Also, attached is a photo of Pudge and I. It was supposed to be a Polaroid of just me, but Pudge loves technology and couldn’t resist. She’s adorable, isn’t she?

Talk to you soon, Seokjin (and Pudge)

20 August

Salutations, Y/N,

Since our final school year is fast approaching, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up in Diagon to buy all of our stuff? We could probably drop by Hogsmeade too if you’d like. How does the 24th sound?

On another note, I finally passed my Apparition test! Took a solid three tries, but I did it! Aren’t you proud? I’m very excited.

I must warn you, though. If and when we meet up in Diagon I will be incredibly sappy and nostalgic due to the fact that it will be my last time buying my cauldrons and books and pet food as a student, and that will make me sad. I hope you’re prepared.

I think this marks the 25th letter I’ve sent to you, which means that you’ve sent me 24 back. Soon we’ll be at 50! Also, I think Pudge has taken quite the liking to you, so be sure to give her some extra love during her brief respite on your windowsill. She’s practically beaming every time she returns from her odyssey.

See you soon? Seokjin

Somehow, even through mere words on a piece of parchment, old and worn at the edges and tucked under the beak of a bird the size of your palm, you fell harder.

But when September came, it meant school, and that meant you would be seeing each other daily, and not just for a brief second but for hours on end.

You’ve been able to witness all sides of Seokjin, and while he does have his bad days his mood is uncannily bright, as he converses with the ghosts, directs a first-year to their class, trains tediously on the Quidditch field. And you are there through it all.

You have become, dare you say, close friends, the obligations of Head Boy and Head Girl drawing you together when you had hoped they’d keep you apart. You’ve even been acquainted with his friends, a rowdy group of mismatched boys scattered across different houses and years. They’re a difficult group to miss, not when they’re almost always causing some sort of trouble, trouble Seokjin suspiciously lets slide most of the time.

But as November draws to a close, you notice Seokjin becoming more distant, more secretive. Your nightly tours around the empty castle have become more sparse, ever since Seokjin said he was going to help Sprout and plant aficionado Hoseok with some outside work, but you can’t imagine why that would be any reason for his disappearances. His answers to your questions are becoming shorter, quick spits of a “Yes” or “No” or “I don’t know” before he’s off, off somewhere you don’t like thinking about.

You can’t help but wonder the reason for this shift in behavior. Seokjin has always been attentive, always friendly and always understanding. He still is, make no mistake, but simply not to you anymore. Is it something you said? An accidental slip of the tongue, an insensitive comment? It can’t have been. Seokjin is caring and sympathetic, but he doesn’t fear a little confrontation. He is a Gryffindor, after all. He would have told you.

The possibility of him having a girlfriend hangs high above your head, flashing red whenever he blows you off without an explanation. You don’t mean for that to be your primary worry, but somehow it is, you having convinced yourself that the time you spend together warrants something more than friendship. He has every right to not tell you what he’s doing (it’s none of your business, anyway), but that’s no reason for his abrupt goodbyes.

Late at night, after doing your final rounds alone and going back to your dorm to finish up the schoolwork you have, you bitterly hope he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can think of that would explain his behavior, other than having a significant other. Why else would he be so secretive?

“Have you guys noticed anything about Seokjin recently?”

It’s the middle of lunch and you see his scraggle of friends camping out in the middle of the Hufflepuff table, pigging out over what looks to be a delectable meal of pizza and fries. You don’t really expect anything less from the group, especially not when you catch Hoseok insisting on some sort of greenery with the food, shoving broccoli towards the rest of the boys as he pops an entire stalk in his own mouth.

“What?” Taehyung asks, his mouth overflowing with gooey cheese.

“Have you noticed anything different?” You repeat. “He’s been acting strange lately. It’s worrying me.”

“I haven’t noticed anything,” Namjoon replies. Namjoon finishes the slice of pizza in his hand, leaving the crust and dropping it onto the his plate, untouched. Jimin sneaks a hand over to snatch it up.

“Then again, you spend more time with him nowadays than we do,” Taehyung says, swallowing down his mouthful of cheese.

“Don’t be worried, Y/N,” Hoseok says reassuringly, sneaking a piece of broccoli into Taehyung’s mouth before he can do anything to protest it. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Why are you worried? Do you have a crush on him or something?” Jungkook quips. He makes your face heat up at the mention of a crush, which only earns a chuckle from him and Jimin. You can’t even hide in the Great Hall.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You lie, maintaining a stiff stature and steady voice.

“Oh come on, Y/N, you really don’t think you’re that inconspicuous, do you?” asks Jungkook.

You try not to meet his eyes, but you know all of them already know. Turns out your secret glances at Seokjin in class and the hallways and during meals weren’t so secret after all.

“It it that obvious?” You ask.

“Sort of. All of us know, but Seokjin is blind as a bat,” Namjoon sighs. “It’s quite sad, actually. He seems to really enjoy your company.”

That gets your spirits up a little. You knew you both liked spending time with each other, but hearing it from Namjoon makes it seem like it’s natural, like Seokjin doesn’t feel forced to tell you he likes spending time with you just because it’s you.

“He does?”

“We’ll let you know if we notice anything change,” Yoongi promises.

“Thanks,” you say, turning on your heels to go finish your work in the library. You’re technically not allowed to have food in the library, not because they might dirty the books but because some of those books might smell it and come alive, but who’s really going to call you out?

“Wait, Y/N,” Jimin says. “I don’t think you should be too concerned.”

You raise your eyebrow in question, turning back.

“He’s probably just getting more uncontrollable boners around you,” Jimin says, earning cackles and snickers from everyone else.

You shake your head fondly as you walk out the Great Hall, their laughs fading. You expect nothing less.

Over the next few days, you become adamant about Seokjin spending more time with you. He seems apologetic enough for not sticking to your designated Head Boy and Girl schedule like he had at the beginning of the year, so you suggest that you hang around each other after curfew to do your rounds, at least for a little while.

You meet him outside the Gryffindor common room after the first warning for curfew sounds, and he smiles as you approach him. It is warm and inviting, and briefly makes you forget about all the times he’s blown you off.

“How have you been?” You ask him, strolling casually down the halls next to each other as students rush to make it back to their dormitories before Filch catches them out. Your hands gloss over one another, but you don’t make a move and neither does he.

“Busy,” Seokjin replies, and you can’t help but wish he didn’t respond with such an ambiguous answer. Busy can mean a lot of things, and you know it’s not just with schoolwork.

“Me too,” you say, unsure of what to talk about next. Some nights, like these, are nights where the two of you say very little, if anything at all, instead merely relishing in each others’ silent company. The night is quiet, and so are you. “It’s so difficult being in our last year. I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything.”

“You’re Head Girl,” Seokjin says, smiling as he motions towards the badge pinned on your chest, gleaming gold. It weighs down your robe, heavier than you wish it was.

“But I feel like that’s my only accomplishment in this school. My lasting impression on this school is another plaque on the wall in the Trophy Room, forgotten until Filch forces one of the students to clean it for detention,” You sigh. Compared to Seokjin, you’re just another fly on the wall.

“That’s not true,” Seokjin says. He takes your hands in his and looks to straight in the eye. “You’ve left a lasting impression on me,” He says softly.

You glance into his chestnut brown eyes and take a frantic step back, the ambient softness replaced by stiff awkwardness.

“Well,” you begin. “That’s all very well and good.”

“Yeah, um, I guess so,” Seokjin says, scratching the nape of his neck. You know he’s embarrassed, but you don’t know why.

The rest of the evening, you try to keep the mood light, hoping to recover from the sufficiently awkward incident at the start of your time together. Seokjin has been doing a lot, from applying to jobs in the Ministry of Magic to finishing up final graduation projects. It’s not even December yet, and graduation looms above your heads like an unwelcome grey cloud.

You’re in the middle of a very intense friendly discussion on whether Felix Felicis does more harm than help. You say it’s dangerous when used recklessly, and Seokjin, ever the adventurous Gryffindor, insists that Felix Felicis is a harmless potion that exists purely to engage the drinker in a little bit of fun.

“I’m telling you, Seokjin, Felix Felicis has so many negative side-effects—”

“Is one of them being a party pooper?” Seokjin retorts, poking you on the nose and making you scrunch up your face.

You roll your eyes and continue. Ravenclaws are bad at a lot of things, like having good alcohol tolerance and keeping their mouths shut, but the one thing they can do extremely well is argue. “No, hear me out. When we consider the ingredients of Felix Felicis—”

You barely notice the clock strike eleven, too enraptured into your debate to care about what time it is. You haven’t gotten more than eight hours of sleep since your fifth year, anyway. In fact, you’re listing off the ingredients of Felix Felicis on your fingers when you look up and see Seokjin bolting down the hallway, already nearing the next corner.

“Seokjin!” You call, insulted. You can’t believe he’d blow you off so blatantly.

He turns his head around to face you, but continues running. “Sorry, Y/N! We’ll have to continue the debate in the morning!” You watch him snatch a lantern from a ledge outside the Charms room before he’s off.

Oh no. This is not happening again. You’ve gone through this one too many times and you are determined to figure out where he keeps sneaking off to, even if it may mean a couple days of heartbreak for you. Before, you weren’t lucky enough to find him actually going on his journey before, but your nagging and his sympathy have allowed you to finally catch him in the act.

You hear Filch muttering a couple hallways down, scheming with Mrs. Norris, and while you know you are technically allowed to be out, you’d rather not deal with his bitterness and Mrs. Norris’ worryingly frightening cat stare tonight.

So, you do what any normal, well-mannered Hogwarts student would do, which is dash. There’s no lantern by the Charms room to save you, but there doesn’t need to be. You remember the way Seokjin turned after he ran off, and you follow him.

Granted, it is a bit stalker-ish and a bit unorthodox, but it truly is the only way to find out Seokjin’s whereabouts.

One thing you pride yourself on his having a great memory, such a Ravenclaw thing to be proud of, which means you don’t need any Marauders’ Map to help you find the path that Seokjin took. That, and you’ve gotten close enough to him to catch the dim glow of the lantern he’s carrying with him.

At first, you think he’s headed to a girls’ dormitory. It’s a bit of a rushed assumption, but it’s late and your mind can’t help but get the better of you as you trace his steps. If he has a girlfriend, then so be it. The distance you’ve kept from him will allow you to simply sneak off without him ever knowing that you followed him or that you have a massive crush on him, so it’s a win-win situation.

However, as you continue to trail him you notice that he’s making turns that will lead him not to a common room, but outside. What?

More than once, Seokjin nearly catches you. He turns around often, clearly worried someone will catch him, especially when he’s muttering Alohomora into a door lock or tiptoeing down one of the many staircases in the castle. Luckily, the night is on your side, and when he turns around after hearing a floorboard creak, you can hide in its shadows.

When he actually does lead you outside, you know it’s not a girlfriend that he’s hiding from you. He traipses the ground carefully, though to be honest, there’s no need for him to, not when no one’s going to find him outside.

You both reach the Forbidden Forest, a place you most certainly did not expect Seokjin to be sneaking off to. There are only so many things he could get up to in the Forbidden Forest, and you know that he’s not going in the middle of the night to drink unicorn blood.

You have to distance yourself from him for a little, whispering Lumos into your wand to keep your path illuminated. You follow the shadow of his body for another several minutes before you lose him after being frightened by some small night creature. You shine your wand in the direction and find a little bunny, eyes blinking red in the light.

“You scared me, Jesus,” you whisper to the bunny, a hand over your chest to calm your racing heart down. The bunny tilts his head at you curiously before hopping away, the fallen leaves crinkling under its feet.

You hear the crunches of the leaves a mere few meters away, and immediately spring up. However, the light from Seokjin’s lantern has disappeared, meaning you can only trust the sounds you hear to lead you to the right place. As you creep around, you hear a faint squawk from below you, causing you to stumble.

“Fuck,” you swear, hoping Seokjin doesn’t hear you. You look down and shine your light at the source of the noise, only to be met with a little hippogriff. “Oh, hello.” You smile at the little tyke, looking up at you with innocent yellow eyes. “Are you all alone?”

The hatchling squawks again.

“Y/N?”

Your head shoots up and your hand instinctively goes to point your wand to the sound of your name, when you come face-to-face with an illuminated Seokjin, confused, surprised, and wide-eyed.

“Seokjin?”

“What are you doing here?”

You don’t have an excuse for this. I wanted to see where you always sneak off to is too stalkerish of a thing to say, and I just so happened to stumble out here is illogical.

“Um, I forgot I had something to tell you,” you fib, stalling so you can get more time to think of a believable lie. “I just wanted to catch up so I could say it.”

“You followed me?”

“Not purposefully. I just wanted to get to a comfortable stopping point, and apparently this is it.” You motion to the hatchling on the forest floor, between both of your legs. “With this little guy.”

Seokjin shifts his gaze nervously from your eyes to the hippogriff. “What did you want to say?”

“Just that… uh… I wanted to know if you had a girlfriend. Your friends think you’ve been secretive recently,” You pause, making up the words as you go. Sure, throwing Namjoon and them under the bus isn’t the best way to go about this, but there’s nothing else you can think of.

“I don’t,” Seokjin spits harshly. “Is that it?”

“Why are you trying to get rid of me so quickly?”

“Why did you follow me?”

“I already told you why, Seokjin. It wasn’t on purpose,” you sigh.

“But you did,” Seokjin reasons. “Do you not trust me? Am I not allowed to keep secrets?”

“What on earth are you so afraid of telling me?”

You don’t realize how much your voices have escalated until Seokjin almost shouts at you. “I’m taking care of him!”

“Him?”

“The hippogriff,” Seokjin elaborates, his voice significantly softer now. You see the worry in his eyes, and wonder if it reflects your own.

“This hippogriff? You’re taking care of him? In the middle of the Forbidden Forest?”

Seokjin chuckles at your shock. “Yeah, it’s me. His mom abandoned him, and I found him when I strayed off the path when I was helping Sprout and Hoseok. He’s cute. I’ve been doing a lot of research on hippogriffs. He needs attention and food or he’ll grow up to be reclusive and afraid, and I don’t want him to grow up like that.”

Instantly, your anger at him subsides. Sneaking off to care for an orphaned baby hippogriff was nowhere close to what was on your list of possible shenanigans Seokjin was getting up to when he blew you off, but in hindsight, you should have expected something like this. Only Seokjin would do this type of thing. You can just imagine him, in the brisk fall weather, leaning down to feed the baby small bits of ferret and vegetation, nuzzling his nose, stroking his feathers, all while you fume to your friends about how much Seokjin doesn’t care about whatever relationship you share.

“That’s so sweet, Seokjin,” you say, touched. “But why so late at night?”

“I never have time during the day. I see him once in the morning and once at night, but I make sure to leave food around in case he gets hungry. He’s very loyal, so he doesn’t normally stray too far from this vicinity,” Seokjin replies. “I’m sorry I kept running off.”

“It’s fine. It’s not your fault, really,” you assure him. “But I’m not so sure about this, you know.”

“What do you mean?” Seokjin asks, trying to uphold his facade. You know he knows what you mean, or he wouldn’t have been so secretive.

“I mean, this is sort of illegal. Without the approval of the school board, we can’t take care of Level Three animals like these,” you say, avoiding his eyes so you don’t have to see the hurt in them.

“But he’s just a baby,” Seokjin says, looking longingly at the animal. He looks back up at you. “I don’t want to put him in the hands of the Ministry. They’d put him in a zoo, or experiment on him. I can’t let that happen.”

“Seokjin, this could get us suspended,” you stress. With every word, he becomes more frantic. “We need to tell someone.”

“You can’t.”

Your head shoots up at his stern words, and you’ve never seen Seokjin look so determined.

“I can’t?”

“You can’t, Y/N,” Seokjin repeats. He comes closer to you, making you tense up as he firmly places his hands on the sides of your arms. You stare into his eyes and see only desperation, Seokjin putting himself out on the line just for you. It makes you shut your eyes, the only way to avoid his, boring into your soul. “You have to trust me.”

“Okay,” you say. “I trust you.”

“I trust you too.”

You take those final words as cue to take a step back, nearly running over the little hippogriff at your feet. He cries out as you step on one of his wings, and your face immediately shifts from one of solemness to worry.

“Oh no! Oh no, I didn’t mean it!” You cry, turning around to apologize to the creature. As you approach him, he backs away from you rapidly, until Seokjin comes in from behind to sooth it.

“No, no, it’s okay,” Seokjin cooes, scooping him up and petting him gently. “Y/N didn’t mean to do that, did you?”

You shake your head.

“See, she’s friendly,” Seokjin promises, ushering the animal closer to you.

You hold a hand out for him to sniff you before he accepts your touch. He looks so comfortable in Seokjin’s hands, like that’s his home rather than the cold forest floor.

“Did you name him?”

“Fudge.”

“Wow, very original,” you comment, making Seokjin chuckle to himself. “I wonder where you came up with that.”

“It was all I could think of,” Seokjin says defensively, smiling.

You point to the little thing, curling up inside itself in Seokjin’s palms. “He’s not even brown. You fail the name game.”

“We’ll call him White Chocolate Fudge,” Seokjin decides. “Fudge for short.”

“Fudge for short?” You ask incredulously. “You’re the worst.”

“Fudge doesn’t think so.” Seokjin raises an eyebrow.

“God damn you, Fudge,” you mutter, reaching a hand out to pet his head. You rub Fudge behind the ears and he folds into your touch, beaming in the darkness of the night.

“You can always help me take care of him, you know,” Seokjin suggests. “I could always use the helping hand.”

“Really?” You ask, intrigued. “I’d love to.”

“That’d be great!” Seokjin exclaims, nearly shouting. “I’m always so busy with applications to the Ministry and our NEWTs, so if both of us work together, Fudge can get more food and attention. Nice!” He holds up a hand for a high-five, and you take it.

To Seokjin, this is just a more efficient way of taking care of the hippogriff before he grows up. To you, it’s a sign that things might be changing.

You and Seokjin have a pretty decent schedule worked out. He visits Fudge in the morning and you visit in the afternoon, on your way to your usual Herbology class. Normally, Sprout doesn’t mind if you show up a bit late, especially since you have some of the best grades in the class and are always willing to stay back a bit afterwards to help clean up after the plants inevitably get out of hand. The both of you grab dinner from the Great Hall (and some extra meat, as well) and meet up in the Forbidden Forest to eat on the grass with Fudge next to you, waddling around to bite pieces of chicken dangling from your hands. It’s a good system, and all the better that you get to share it with Seokjin.

“Fudge! Come here, Fudge!” You say, trying to coax him over to you as you lean against a dead tree the school hasn’t bothered to cut down, holding a piece of chicken in front of his nose.

“You’re treating him like a dog,” Seokjin says, laughing as Fudge flits his way over to you.

“Just because he’s a hippogriff doesn’t mean he can’t be loved like a dog,” you tell him sternly. The chicken piece hangs from your hand just high enough for Fudge to be unable to reach it from the ground, so he flaps his wings and snatches it from you a couple inches in the air. “Good boy! Who’s a good boy?” You exclaim excitedly, rubbing Fudge right by the wings, where you’ve discovered he likes it the most.

“He’s a good boy,” Seokjin mimics, in that enunciated, high-pitched voice that you have every time you see a cute animal.

“Oh, shut up.” You sneer at him, kicking him in the shin.

“It’s cute,” he laughs, aggressively stuffing some garlic bread into his mouth before Fudge can get a whiff. Like a dog, he seems drawn to most edible things, but the textbooks in the school library clearly state the creature’s diet cannot be anything except his usual bugs, birds, and the occasional small land animal.

“You’re cute,” you say before your eyes widen as your brain catches up. Fuck.

Seokjin chuckles. “Thanks, I know.” He pretends to flip some imaginary hair.

“I didn’t mean to boost your ego, smartass,” you grin.

“You’re cute too,” Seokjin says, and you try to keep smiling through the heat rising on your cheeks. “Now we both have boosted egos.”

“Oh yes, very even,” you comment.

“Only the best for the Head Boy and Girl,” Seokjin says. His watch dings, meaning that the two of you have to finish doing your rounds before getting back to your designated dorms and finishing up the homework for the night. The best part about being Head Boy and Girl? Free reign of the library. “Come on, let’s go.”

You hum in response, getting up. Fudge has been flying a lot more than before you came around, so watching you stand up prompts him to start flying around as well, landing on Seokjin’s shoulder.

“Look at this little guy,” Seokjin says. “I almost want to bring you with.”

“Another day,” you advise. “When it’s legal.”

“Aw, don’t you ever want to do anything bad? You’re so… good,” Seokjin says, teasing you.

“Yes, and I like being good. It means I don’t have to worry about getting expelled,” you sneer, taking Fudge from Seokjin’s shoulder and setting him on the pile of leaves below. He squawks in disappointment, so you take one last piece of chicken from your plate and drop it to him below. He eagerly gobbles it up. “Get your priorities straight.”

Seokjin laughs at that before bidding farewell to Fudge, who knows well enough not to follow the two of you.

On your way back, you say, “I’m going to transfigure my Alchemy homework into a pillow for Fudge. He seems so cold these days.”

“His feathers have gotten a bit thicker since it’s winter. But if you’re going to do that, I’ll transfigure my Alchemy homework into a nice wool blanket,” Seokjin adds.

“I guess we figured out what subject we both hate,” you laugh. “But please, leave the transfiguring to me. You’re absolute shit at it.”

“Hey!” Seokjin exclaims, mouth open wide, insulted. “Just because I accidentally set fire to your Arithmancy textbook that one time—”

“You were trying to transfigure my textbook into a box of Bertie’s! That textbook cost at least seven Galleons more than a box of jellybeans,” you retort, defensively.

“Okay, but nothing burned down, so it’s okay.”

“You roasted my textbook! I’ve been stuck with a shitty, beat-up school one ever since,” you sigh. “I don’t know how they haven’t revoked your Head Boy status yet.”

Seokjin bats his eyelashes at you. “It’s because everyone is in love with me.”

Especially me, you think to yourself.

A crash sounds from one of the hallways windows.

Seokjin looks at you, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

“Come on!” He shouts, grabbing your hand and pulling you across the field, towards the entrance to Hogwarts. Hopefully, he doesn’t hear how quickly your heart is racing.

“You don’t look too concerned about anything anymore, Y/N.”

You look up after shoving a forkful of scrambled egg into your mouth to see Namjoon looking at you, expecting some sort of reply.

“What? I looked concerned?”

“Yeah, like two weeks ago when you came barging in during lunch stressed about Seokjin,” Jungkook reminds you.

You only remember then that Seokjin had “forgotten” to tell the rest of the boys about Fudge the Hippogriff and abstained from saying anything else. So there they were, his clueless best friends who like making dick jokes and shoving food into each others’ mouths, blissfully unaware of the baby hippogriff in the Forbidden Forest.

“Oh yeah, we sorted it out,” you say simply.

Namjoon wonders aloud. “Did he finally ask you out?”

“What?”

“Guess not, then.”

You begin to trip over your words. “But—when—why—would he have a reason to?”

Jimin sniggers, and you shoot your head in his direction and give him a poisonous glare.

“I don’t know, don’t you want him to ask you out?” Namjoon asks.

“Well, yes, but that doesn’t mean he does,” you reason, treading carefully. One wrong move and you could easily expose yourself to Seokjin.

Namjoon hums, finishing the last of his glass of orange juice. “Don’t be too sure about that.”

You’ve been thinking on Namjoon’s words for the past weekend, and because you’ve been thinking, you’ve subsequently been avoiding Seokjin, spitting out excuses reminiscent of his pathetic ones before he told you about the whole hippogriff deal.

“Oh, I got caught up with some first-years who needed help transfiguring their matches back to needles.”

“I had to help Trelawney with cleaning up her classroom after a messy Divination class with the third-years.”

“I was with some friends.”

“I had homework.”

“I’m busy.”

Was Namjoon right? Does he really feel like that about you? Are your feelings actually mutual? You’re very skeptical, especially because you haven’t seen Seokjin himself give you any hints. Sure, Namjoon is more observant than all of your professors combined, but how can you trust him when he’s not Seokjin?

You can only dream about what it might be like to have Seokjin reciprocate your feelings instead of you confessing and him rejecting you in a maelstrom of I’m sorry’s, I only see you as a friend’s, and I have eyes for someone else’s. What it might be like to have him hold your hand all the time, not just in private, to look at you like you look at him, like he has supernovas in his eyes. What it might be like to not only love but also to be loved.

You have to admit, avoiding Seokjin is a difficult task. He’s practically always around you, and if he’s not, he’s often barely a few meters away, talking to someone else. You don’t like to think about how many times you’ve seen him talking to another student or a professor and immediately dashed the other way, hoping he doesn’t see you.

He eventually catches you. You can only stay away from the boy for so long, you suppose.

“Y/N!”

You whip your head around—a rookie mistake if you’re being honest (you should have just kept walking)—to find Seokjin speeding towards you, his robes flying elegantly in the wind as he reaches you.

“Seokjin?”

“Finally,” he says, heaving as he rests his hands on his knees in an attempt to catch his breath. You know the boy is joking with his need to rest, what with all of his experience with Quidditch. “You run fast.”

“You fly faster,” you say back quickly. “What’s up?”

“Meet me in the Forest tonight,” he says, still heaving loudly. “It’s urgent.”

“I am not going to let you practice the Body-Bind curse on me.”

“No, not that!” Seokjin laughs. “It’s about Fudge. I need you to come when you’re finished your rounds. I’ll be there.”

“Is everything alright?” You ask, seemingly more concerned now that you know it’s not one of his terrible pranks. “Is something wrong with him?”

“I just need you there, okay?” He asks, eyebrows raised. He doesn’t even leave time for a response before he’s off, jogging away in the other direction, worried, afraid, and anxious.

Night falls and Filch catches you out this time as you’re finishing your rounds in the most secluded part of the castle, calling you out before realizing that it’s you and apologizing before moving on his way. Once he’s gone, you drop the feigned smile on your face and make a dash for the Forest, hissing Alohomora into the lock of the door that leads to the grounds. Your wand is your only source of light as you make your way down the hill and into the forest, where you whisper Seokjin’s name.

“Seokjin?”

“Y/N?” He whispers back. “Get over here.”

“What’s going on?” You ask, voice tense. “Is Fudge okay?”

“He’s fine,” Seokjin assures you, and you immediately fume at the fact that he got you all worked up for nothing.

You smack his shoulder aggressively, making him yelp in pain. “Why did you make it seem like he was dying, you asshole?”

“Hey! I needed some way to get you down here to see this,” Seokjin frowns, rubbing the spot on his shoulder where you hit him.

“See what?”

At that moment you are presented with Fudge in front of you, except he is lying on a fluffy pet bed on the forest floor, complete with several very tiny pillows and a violent purple blanket. He looks right spoiled, judging from the content smile on his face as he dozes off.

“You’re kidding.”

“No way, man. Transfigured it all myself, no homework was harmed in the process,” he proclaims, beaming as he rocks back and forth on his toes.

“So what did you use?”

“Let’s just say my roommates may be missing a few of their less vital items.” Seokjin winks at you, making you scrunch up your nose.

“He looks fantastic,” You say. A breeze blows by, making your nose turn even more numb than it already was. You can feel your ears freezing. Below you, Fudge shivers, even under all of that warmth.

“Another thing I wanted to quickly bring up is the reason for your avoidance of me this past weekend,” Seokjin says, hitting the nail right on the head. Ouch. “Did I do something wrong?”

“You? No! No, no, of course not. I’ve just been out of it, you know?” You say hesitantly, trying to make sure he knows that it’s not his fault. “I’ve been swamped and kind of sick and lack the motivation to do almost anything.”

“I believe the American term for that is Senioritis,” Seokjin says, matter-of-factly. “But I get it, I get it. I just don’t understand why you’re pulling a Seokjin towards me, a Seokjin.”

“Oh, shut up! I’ve been busy, ‘ts all,” you exclaim. “It’s revenge for what you did to me before you told me about Fudge.”

“Alright, you got me,” Seokjin says, smiling. He holds out a hand. “Even?”

“I don’t know…” you trail off. “Maybe I need to just keep avoiding yo—”

“Don’t do that to me, Y/N!” Seokjin pouts, crossing his arms. “I need your company.”

“You’re so very whiny, Seokjin,” you complain. “You remind me of Jungkook.”

“I picked it up from him,” Seokjin jokes, and the two of you laugh together. The air is chilly and the wind is biting but he is warm and sunny, and perhaps it’s inappropriate for the season but you could bask in his burning rays for the rest of the night.

Seokjin spots you as you’re leaving the Headmaster’s office as another professor rounds up the third-years for their first trip to Hogsmeade a couple days later. You’re surprised to see him walking up to you, bounding up the stairs two at a time to meet you as the top.

“Oh!” You exclaim, your shoulders jumping. “You scared me, Seokjin.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to seem so intense walking up those stairs. I was wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade together? We could sneak our way in with the third-years,” he offers.

You shift on your toes nervously, “With the third-years? I’m sure we could get in some other way.”

“We could just say we’re going to watch them for their first trip,” Seokjin suggests, already linking arms with you and walking you down the steps, two at a time. “The teacher’s will be fine it with. They get tired of Hogsmeade sometimes.”

“Are you sure?” You ask. “You seem to have too much faith in your schmoozing abilities, sometimes.”

Seokjin stands up taller. “My schmoozing abilities are phenomenal, thank you very much.” He taps you on your nose before dragging you to the Professor reminding the third-years of their permission slips and rules and restrictions.

He does all of the talking, and you are able to witness first-hand how good his schmoozing abilities really are, because it’s only a matter of a few sentences before the professor is gladly handing the reins to him, alerting all of the third-years that “Seokjin and Y/N will be supervising you!”

You sneer at him, and he winks.

“The third-years don’t know how lucky they’re getting,” Seokjin mutters into your ear, his warm breath tickling your skin. The professor walks off delightedly, proudly alerting another one of the teachers that it’ll be you guys who watch the third-years, rather than them. “I have no plans on supervising them.”

You smack his shoulder, the same place you hit him previously.

“You really have to stop aiming there,” Seokjin says. “That’s my catching arm.”

“Both of your arms are catching arms, smartass.”

“Yes, meaning that one is still my catching arm, smartass,” Seokjin mimics your tone, making the two of you sneer at each other as you move your heads closer to each other, noses nearly touching.

You’re joking like that with each other for the rest of the way to Hogsmeade, barely spending a second glance to keep watch over the third-years. You’ve worked with them before, and they are by far your best class to supervise. For some reason, they’re all just well-behaved kids. It’s very unusual.

When you get there, Seokjin immediately makes a beeline for the Three Broomsticks, but not before he grabs your arm and pulls you with, dashing through the snow like St. Nick’s reindeer. The rapid gust of heat as you enter causes your ears and nose to burn. As you turn to Seokjin, you notice that the tip of his nose and the tops of his ears are tinted red.

“Butterbeer?” He suggests, and you nod.

“I’ll get us a table.”

You take a seat at one of the benches in the furthest corner from the door to avoid the cold air, warming yourself up by the single lit candle in the middle of the table. Soon after, Seokjin walks over with two hearty glasses bubbling with butterbeer, and some straws.

“Nice,” you say, rubbing your hands together. “I’ve been looking forward to this ever since Hogwarts.”

“Me too,” he grins, setting the drinks down on the table. He sits down across from you and pushes your drink to you, a straw placed down right next to it.

“Straws are for the weak,” you comment as he takes his own and jams it against the wood of the table until the paper breaks.

“Hey,” he frowns as he places it in his butterbeer. “I’m insulted.”

“You don’t know butterbeer until the bubbles tickle your nose,” you tell him adventurously, making a show of you drinking the beverage to prove your point.

“Alright, fine,” Seokjin says. He picks up the straw in his drink and slams it down onto the table. “Let’s go. Butterbeer drinking contest.”

“You’re on.”

The subsequent three minutes are spent chugging down your butterbeers until there’s only beige bubbles at the bottom of the glass, drinking and drinking and drinking as you both eye each other with a ferocity. Seokjin beats you, obviously, but you come damn close.

“You have butterbeer all over your mouth,” you say when you both put your glasses down, their contents empty.

“So do you,” Seokjin laughs back. He burps, loudly too, and you can smell the butterbeer in his breath. He gets up to grab a couple of napkins before sitting back down, wiping his mouth. He reaches over the table to get the butterbeer remnants around your mouth, catching you by surprise. “You really aren’t a clean drinker.”

“Not when you challenge me to a drinking contest, asshole,” you retort, letting him continue to rub at the side of your mouth before he leans back. His ears are burning red again, but you don’t think that that’s because of the cold.

Merely a few days later, you and Seokjin are hanging around the Forbidden Forest during your shared lunch hour. Seokjin has on a thick coat, complete with his Gryffindor scarf and earmuffs, and you’re bundled up in several sweaters under your robe. It’s gotten too cold for Fudge to want to hang out on the forest floor, so he opts for warming up in his little bed.

“This is so quaint,” Seokjin comments, looking around the frost-covered forest. “Us, and Fudge, in a forest in the middle of winter. I feel like I’m in some sort of movie.”

“Some cheesy Christmas movie,” you add, chuckling to yourself.

“Where’s St. Nick when you need him? I want a new cauldron.”

“St. Nick is too busy to listen to your demands, Seokjin. How do you even know you’re on the ‘Nice’ list?” You retort, crossing your arms kind of to make a point but also because you’re getting colder as the night wears on. “After all those terrible things you’ve done to me this year.”

“Hey! I can be nice. I bought us Butterbeer when we went to Hogsmeade,” Seokjin protests. “Isn’t that nice?”

Fudge squawks from below the two of you, toddling up to Seokjin’s lanky legs and rubbing his beak against them.

“See?” Seokjin motions to the hippogriff. “Fudge thinks I’m nice.”

“I think you’re evil.”

Seokjin pouts, one of those big-lipped sad-eyed pouts that are too cartoonish to take seriously but too cute to ignore. “I think that you just think that you think I’m evil.”

You blink your eyes rapidly and shake your head, taken aback by his confusing, philosophical, word vomit. “I don’t know what you just said.”

Seokjin takes a step closer. You refuse to take a step back, because you know it’ll only make him step closer and closer to you until you’re backed up against a tree trunk in true cheesy Christmas movie fashion. “I think that you think that you like me.”

You blink again before clearing your throat, placing a pointer finger on Seokjin’s chest. Your typical reaction to Seokjin calling you out for your crush is instant denial. “I think that you think that I think that I like you,” you challenge. It’s one of those friendly competitions that you always have, but this time it’s a bit different. This time, it’s a bit more intense.

The both of you are so busy staring each other down that you don’t hear the crunch of leaves from a few meters away, not until Seokjin’s face is illuminated like a criminal caught in the dead of night.

“Headmaster?”

You whip your head around to find your Headmaster, merely beaming at the two of you. Seokjin meets your eyes as you look to each other with fright, and his eyes are blown wide.

“Mr. Kim, fine evening, isn’t it?”

“I-I suppose so, Professor,” Seokjin stutters, avoiding his gaze. Hopefully he hasn’t noticed that you aren’t doing the same. “What brings you here?”

“Just some browsing around the grounds. I’d love to get to know all of its inhabitants, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, I guess I would,” Seokjin continues, his confidence knocked down several levels.

The Headmaster smiles. “Including your little hippogriff, am I correct?”

You knew the words were coming, knew he would mention the little tyke eventually, but even when they arrive, you aren’t prepared for the look Seokjin gives you. It’s not one of anger, or betrayal, or shock, it’s one of regret, and you most certainly aren’t accustomed to it. Not from bright, bright Seokjin, who is friendly and teasing and appreciative of you all the time.

“H-How do you know?”

“I’m afraid, Mr. Kim, and Ms. Y/L/N, that I have to take him away from you. The two of you simply do not have the authorization to take care of a creature such as he as students at this school,” the Headmaster says.

Seokjin breathes in a deep breath—he knew this was coming, too—and opens his eyes. “Must you, Professor?”

“I’m afraid so, Mr. Kim. This is not your duty.”

Seokjin nods, and from behind the Headmaster emerge two fellows wearing very official-looking Ministry outfits, equipped with cages and tranquilizers, the whole deal.

“No, it’s fine, you don’t need any of that stuff,” Seokjin assures them as they approach Fudge, who is currently terrified and shaking in the corner of his little bed. Seokjin leans down to Fudge, bending down on a single knee to hold his cupped palms out. Fudge doesn’t want to go into them, you can tell, but Seokjin coaxes him in anyway and gently places him in the open cage. Before the two men can close it, he snatches up the pillow and places it inside as well. “You’ll be okay, Fudge. They’ll take good care of you.”

“Thank you for your understanding, Mr. Kim and Ms. Y/L/N,” the Headmaster says. “Neither of you will face any penalties for this. I trust that I will not see you around the Forbidden Forest at this hour again.”

You both nod to the Headmaster before he and the other men vanish, taking Fudge with them. Seokjin makes no attempt to rescue him.

“Listen, Seokjin,” you immediately begin before he has a chance to storm off without listening to you. “You and I both know we couldn’t have continued to take care of Fudge. Or raise him on our own, watching him grow up for the rest of the year. Hippogriffs grow quickly and we aren’t accustomed to it, nor are we prepared to hide an ever-maturing creature in the shadows of the Forest, I had to—”

“Just when I started to fall for you,” he mutters, and it’s so inaudible that you’re sure it’s the trees that said that for a second, before you realize it was him. You can’t respond to his words, because he walks off, the skip in his step gone. The light on his wand is fading as well, and it seems that everything around you reflects the now somber mood.

You follow him back to the castle without saying another word.

Taehyung is the only thing separating you from Seokjin a week later, all three of you sat on the same side of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. The past several days have been met with mostly silence, the both of you going out of your ways to avoid each other. Seokjin doesn’t seem very keen on ending the Silent Treatment towards you, and to be honest, you’re perfectly fine with that, especially after the fiasco that was Fudge, the Hippogriff.

“You guys seem awfully down,” Taehyung comments from in between you two. “Did something happen?”

“No,” Seokjin says at the same time that you say, “Yes,” making the two of you glare at each other and the rest of the table look up in concern.

“Are you sure about that?” Taehyung asks Seokjin, clearly in disbelief. “It doesn’t look like you guys are very… friendly right now.”

“We’re fine,” Seokjin says, eliciting something of a snort from you. Taehyung turns his head sharply towards you as you keep your eyes trained on the plate in front of you.

“The people who didn’t know they had the Black Plague said that too, and look at where it got them,” Namjoon says. “Seriously, you two. We can tell when something’s up. We’re not stupid.”

“Well, maybe Jimin is,” Jungkook jokes. Jimin drops his spoonful of mashed potatoes on his plate with a clang as he tackles him.

“We’re fine,” Seokjin repeats. “Trust me. Nothing’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong, but the two of you are suspiciously unhappy at the exact same time,” Yoongi observes. “Huh.”

Just then is when Seokjin decides he’s had enough, standing up with his plate in hand and migrating out of the Great Hall. You watch him with a study gaze as he exits the room, leaving the rest of the group in silence, something you don’t experience very often.

“Now that he’s gone, Y/N can tell us what happened,” Jimin says eagerly, facing you. “Tell us the deets.”

“Don’t ever say the word ‘deets’ again,” Taehyung quips.

“There’s nothing to say,” you reply, oddly secretive of the drama between you and Seokjin. It just doesn’t feel like something you should spill out to the rest of the boys, especially when telling them The Story of Fudge, the Hippogriff requires lots of time and background knowledge on your crush on him, which they also don’t know much about. Quite frankly, you’d rather not. “I don’t have anything to tell you.”

Jimin whines in response, but Namjoon can clearly see your hesitance of the topic, and changes the subject.

As the second week since the incident in the Forbidden Forest blows by, you notice that Seokjin’s attitude towards you has shifted from mere avoidance to blatant annoyance, evidenced by his snappy tone every time you ask him to pass the salt. Your obligatory weekly meetings as Head Boy and Girl are brief, like they once were in the beginning of the year, and he normally just spits out information before walking off without hearing a single thing you’ve said.

You’ve long let go of the whole Fudge thing, finding it ridiculous to be so pissed with someone for more than a week, and while you try to make amicable means with Seokjin and repair the friendship he seems adamant about avoiding, he’s having none of it.

Seokjin knows exactly how to push your buttons, but you’ve tried to keep yourself calm around him, refusing to stoop to his level. You are Head Girl, after all.

You’re studying in the middle of the Ravenclaw common room when the door opens, Seokjin right behind it. Of course he solved the riddle, of course. You meet eyes briefly but turn your head immediately back to your textbook, the shitty replacement one after Seokjin barbecued your original copy. Jungkook is sitting on the chair opposite you, and you know Seokjin’s here for him.

Jungkook looks at you uneasily, and you shrug.

“Ah, Jungkook,” Seokjin says as he walks over, book in hand. “Here’s your book.”

“Thanks,” Jungkook replies, smiling.

“Hi, Seokjin,” you say, your eyes still trained on the words on the page. “How are you?”

You know Seokjin looks directly at you, yet he makes no note of you. “No problem.” With that, he’s gone.

You hear the door shut and look up from your work, closing the textbook roughly and crinkling up the notes you were taking.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Jungkook asks, concerned.

“I’m fine,” you hiss, clearly not fine.

“You don’t seem fine,” Jungkook says. “I’m sorry Seokjin ignored you.”

“He’s being such a little bitch,” you say. “I don’t know why he can’t just move on. I did.”

“He’s a Gryffindor,” Jungkook says, as if that provides any consolation. “‘Moving on’ isn’t in his vocabulary.”

“Well, it should be,” you retort.

“Have you tried to talk to him?”

“Yes, multiple times. And he just keeps blowing me off, like dandelion wisps.”

Jungkook sighs. “Maybe you should just find a way to talk to him when he can’t blow you off.”

That gives you an idea. “Maybe I should,” you nod, smiling now. “Thanks, Jungkook.”

The younger boy nods in response before sitting back down in the chair, perusing through the book Seokjin brought back. You shuffle through your papers until you find a spare piece of parchment, and write a note.

The next morning, you catch Seokjin doing his homework in the library. As you walk by the desk he’s sitting at, you slam a note down next to his textbook.

6:30 in FF, tonight. Same spot. Meet you there.

This feels like the worst kind of first date ever, you think to yourself as you loiter around the Forbidden Forest, waiting for Seokjin. You have no watch on you but you know it should be nearing 6:30 any minute now. You’re wondering if Seokjin decided to bail on you, but you don’t think that he would do that. He’s been acting like an asshole recently, but he’s not that much of an asshole. At least, you hope he’s not.

You’re kicking around the dead leaves peeking out of the snow for what feels like a few more minutes before you hear a cough coming from your right. You whip around to find, sure enough, Seokjin standing there awkwardly, hands tucked into the pockets of the sweater he has on.

“You came,” you declare, though it’s more of a reaffirmation to yourself.

“Yeah. I got your note.”

“I should hope so, what with the elaborate display I made of getting it to you,” you say, walking towards him.

“Why did you want me here?”

“To talk.”

“I’m not here to talk,” Seokjin says, turning around on the heels of his feet to go back to the warmth of the castle.

“That’s too bad, because I have things to say.”

That makes Seokjin stop in his tracks. “Like what?” You can hear the venom in his voice.

“I’m sorry,” you begin, knowing fully well that he’s listening to you. “I never actually said that before, but I’m sorry. Not for Fudge, but for betraying your trust. I know that was a really shitty thing to do, and I’m sorry.”

“Is that it?” Seokjin’s turned around now, facing you as you take a daring step closer to him.

“Nope. I’m glad I told the Headmaster about Fudge, and you should be too. You’re smart, and you knew we weren’t prepared enough to keep taking care of him as he got older. We’re still students, and have almost no experience with magical creatures outside of our classes. Watching him as the autumn months turned to winter ones was a good idea, and I’m glad we did that because it’s likely he would have died without us. Other than that, I think it was time to hand him over to the professionals. It was what was best.”

“Are you finished?”

You nod, half expecting him to say something in response, half-expecting him to turn around and leave you.

“You’re right,” Seokjin says quietly, and you probably wouldn’t have heard him if it weren’t for the silence of the night. “I was too ambitious.”

You take a step closer, or maybe he moves towards you, but you’re face-to-face now.

“I thought I could just keep caring for him as he got older, but I couldn’t. It was dumb of me to think otherwise,” Seokjin admits, and it’s nice to finally hear him say it. “But I’m not avoiding you because of that.”

“Why are you avoiding me, then?” You ask, surprised.

“I thought we had something, you know,” Seokjin says, and it’s clear that he wishes the two of you still did. “Taking care of Fudge, spending all this time together, having butterbeer drinking contests. I thought we were something.”

“And?”

“And?” Seokjin asks. “And you broke your promise. You betrayed me. How can you still care for me if you did something like that?”

That leaves you in stunned silence as the words settle in, like dust after a storm. Seokjin has nothing else to say either, and you wonder what thoughts must be racing through his head. You wonder if they are the same as yours.

“I still care about you,” you whisper, your warm breath visible as it hits his throat. “I never stopped.”

“What?”

“Just because I turned Fudge over doesn’t mean I wanted what we had to end. I thought you—we—would move past it,” you explain, your bodies growing ever closer. “I turned Fudge in because he wasn’t our responsibility, but I also turned him in because I didn’t want you to get in trouble. You have so much going for you. Fudge can’t be the reason why it all goes to waste.”

“You care about my future like that?” Seokjin asks, eyes soft.

“Of course,” you reply with ease. “I love you.”

The words slip out before you have the chance to stop them, but you don’t even have time to say anything afterwards anyway, not before you feel warm hands cup your cheek and lips planted firmly on yours.

Your eyes spring open to see Seokjin’s closed ones as the two of you kiss, you easily melting into the warmth that is Seokjin as the air outside freezes your fingertips. It’s not a deep kiss, and the two of you part without heaving breaths and sweaty foreheads, but your lips are red and his cheeks are pink.

“I think I love you too,” Seokjin says.

“Do you think you love me or do you just think you think you love me?” You ask, smirking a little bit.

Seokjin chuckles, his breath fanning out in front of him. “I rephrase my original statement. I know I love you.”

You beam at him, grinning from ear to ear as he holds out a hand for you to take. The two of you walk back to castle together, swinging your hands as you go. There’s no need for you to look at him. You know he only sees you.

“Yay! The couple finally got together,” Taehyung cheers as the two of you stroll into the Great Hall. “It’s been so painful watching you pine. I wanted to die. Or set the two of you up myself.”

“No need for that, Taehyung,” you laugh.

“Obviously. I assume you’ve everything sorted out, right?” Namjoon asks, an eyebrow raised. You can tell he’s pleased.

“No. We still hate each other’s guts,” Seokjin says in such a sincere manner that for a second, you think he’s telling the truth.

“Of course, my mistake,” Namjoon chuckles.

“I forbid the two of you to be sappy around me,” Yoongi instructs. “I already have to deal with Mr. I Fall In Love With Pretty Butterflies over here,” he says, motioning to Hoseok.

“Listen,” Hoseok says, affronted.

“Oh! I have a surprise for you,” you remember, grabbing Seokjin’s hand.

“Seriously? We just sat down,” Seokjin says in disbelief as you drag him out of his seat. “I wanted food.”

“It can wait. I want to show you something.”

Seokjin huffs. “This better be worth it.”

You lead him down the hallway and outside, to the grounds where the third-years are currently in their Care of Magical Creatures class. Seokjin looks particularly disgruntled the entire way there, having to be dragged rather than brought to the damn class.

“What do you have to show me from the third-years?” Seokjin asks, confused.

“Oh, just a little something,” you shrug like it’s no big deal.

You bring him closer to the class, waving to the Professor as he instructs his third years about the animal of the lesson. He smiles back and nods, letting the two of you continue to traipse through the grounds.

“What is this?”

“A gift. A post-Christmas gift.”

“What?”

As the two of you reach the bottom of the hill, a little hippogriff comes into view.

⇒ leave any feedback/requests here and check out my masterlist here!

#jin fluff #jin angst #bts fluff #bts angst #bts crack #seokjin fluff #seokjin angst #bts scenario #bts scenarios #jin scenarios #bts writing #bts fic #w: sorted #i'm so hype for this series!!!#seokjin

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tamboradventure · 4 years

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10 Things to See and Do in Girona, Spain

Posted: 04/20/20 | April 20th, 2020

From lively Barcelona to island paradises like Mallorca and the Grand Canaries to the historic cities of Andalusia, Spain is awesome. It’s one of my favorite countries in the world and one of the most budget friendly in Europe.

But there is one city that captures my love of the country the most: Girona.

Home to just over 100,000 people and only 45 minutes from Barcelona, Girona is home to a well-preserved Jewish quarter, ancient winding streets, and a walkable medieval city wall. Throw in lots of green space, colorful buildings, and perfect weather, Girona is one of my favorite places in Spain.

Girona is more famous today thanks to Game of Thrones being filmed there but this tiny city only 30 minutes from Barcelona remains somewhat off the beaten track and free of the crowds that make Barcelona unbearable sometimes. There’s good food, lots to do, and lovely people. I can’t sing the city’s praises enough.

To help you make the most of your trip, here are my top things to see and do in Girona:

1. Explore the Old Quarter

Girona’s Old Quarter (Barri Vell) sits beside the River Onyar. This neighborhood is home to some of Girona’s most popular and well-preserved historical sites. Filled with medieval architecture, colorful old homes, and picturesque bridges but without the crowds of Barcelona, this is my favorite area to wander around.

You can explore it yourself and enjoy getting lost, but before also check out the tours Girona Walks offers, so you can learn more about this section of town and how it has evolved over the centuries.

2. Marvel at the Cathedral of Girona

Built between the 11th and 13th centuries, the Cathedral of Saint Mary of Girona towers over the city. It’s the second widest church in the world, almost 23m (75 feet) across — only St. Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican is wider. (It was also featured in Game of Thrones!)

The interior isn’t particularly ornate and has a bit of an austere feel to it, but it’s peaceful, and there’s a lot of information and a good audio guide available.

Plaça de la Catedral, +34 972 42 71 89, catedraldegirona.cat. Open 10am–6:30pm, April–June; 10am–7:30pm, July–August; 10am–6:30pm, September–October; 10am–5:30pm, November–March. Admission is 7 EUR ($7.70 USD). Dress respectfully, as it is a place of worship.

3. Tour the Arab Baths

These preserved public baths were built in 1194. Their Romanesque style was inspired by similar Roman and Arab baths and was built in response to ancient Girona’s growing population and the need to improve hygiene.

While you can’t actually use the baths, you can take a self-guided tour to see what bathing was like in the Middle Ages. The building is covered by a large vaulted ceiling and includes a cold-water bath, a hot-water bath, and changing rooms.

Carrer del Rei Ferran el Catòlic, +34 972 21 32 62, banysarabs.org. Open Monday–Saturday 10am–6pm and Sundays 10am–2pm. Admission is 2 EUR ($2.20 USD).

4. Stroll Along the Eiffel Bridge

The Palanques Vermelles Bridge, also known as the Eiffel Bridge, was built in 1827 by Gustave Eiffel just before the construction of his most famous work, the Eiffel Tower. Located over the Onyar River, it’s a great place to get some pics of the Old Town’s colorful buildings. I try to cross this bridge often, simply because the view is so nice!

5. Learn Something New at One of Girona’s Many Museums

For a small city, Girona is home to quite a few museums and art galleries. Here some I think you shouldn’t miss:

The Jewish History Museum – The museum is made up of 11 exhibitions that explore the history and culture of the region’s Jewish community, which was one of the biggest in the area. Admission is 4 EUR ($4.40 USD).

Girona’s Art Museum – This has the region’s largest collection of Romanesque and Gothic art (over 8,000 items). It’s huge! Admission is 6 EUR ($6.60 USD).

The Cinema Museum – This museum covers the history of cinema and is filled with old posters, films, and movie equipment. It also hosts regular events and movie screenings. A must for movie buffs! Admission is 5 EUR ($5.50 USD).

The Girona Archaeology Museum – This is one of the oldest museums in the region and boasts a collection of archeological finds from pre-history all the way to the Middle Ages. Though small, it goes into some good detail about the area. Admission is 6 EUR ($6.60 USD).

6. Tour the Basilica de Sant Feliu

This historic Gothic cathedral is eye-catching and hard to miss. It almost looks like a castle. Its bell tower is visible from most spots around Girona, so it’s never far from view.

It was the first cathedral in Girona and remained the only one until the 10th century. Beyond the impressive architecture, the cathedral is home to historic works of art, including a 14th-century sculpture of Christ, as well as Christian and non-Christian sarcophagi that date back to the fourth century.

Plaça de la Catedral, +34 972 427 189, catedraldegirona.org. Open Monday–Saturday 10am–5:30pm, Sunday and holidays 1pm–5:30pm. Admission is 7 EUR ($7.70 USD).

7. Visit the Monastery of Saint Daniel

Founded in the 11th century, this monastery located on the outskirts of town was created with the intention of establishing a nunnery in the region. While the abbey is no longer in use, you can still visit the church and the cloister. Inside, you’ll find Saint Daniel’s sepulcher, rumored to house the remains of the saint himself. The architecture is a mix of Romanesque and Gothic, with additions from the 12th and 15th centuries.

The monastery is surrounded by the Valley of Sant Daniel, a lush green space with lots of shade and picturesque natural springs.

8. Walk Atop Girona’s Ancient City Wall

Dating to Girona’s medieval past, these ancient walls were partially destroyed in the 1800s to make way for city expansion. Fortunately, many of the missing pieces have been recovered or reconstructed in recent times. Taking a stroll atop them offers an unbeatable view of both the city and the countryside’s rolling hills. Plus, they’re free!

9. Stroll La Rambla de la Llibertat

Lined by gorgeous neoclassical, baroque, and Gothic buildings, this is the main pedestrian street in town. The street dates back to 1885 and is full of shops, cafés, and restaurants. There’s also a flower market on Saturdays.

10. Indulge at Rocambolesc

This is one of the best gelaterias I’ve ever been to! Owned by world-class chef Jordi Roca, it’s a great spot to (over)indulge in delicious ice cream and gelato topped with berries, cotton candy, fruits, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, fudge, and so much more. I go there every time I visit (usually multiple times). It’s amazing and worth every euro!

50 Carrer de Santa Clara, +34 972 41 66 67, rocambolesc.com. Open Sunday-Tuesday from 11am-9pm and Friday-Saturday from 11am-10:30pm.

***

Girona’s long history, a unique and rich culture, so much delicious food, and stunning architecture. A lot of people make it a day trip from Barcelona but I’d recommend spending at least one night here. There’s plenty to keep you busy. I first visited here in 2012 and have been back a total of four times. I love Girona. Most people do. Make it part of your next trip to Spain.

P.S. – We’ve launched a new Patreon where you can get stories and tips I don’t share on this blog, a private Facebook group, phone calls with me and the team, live Q&As, postcards from the road, signed copies of my books, and much more! Click here to get access!

Book Your Trip to Girona: Logistical Tips and Tricks

Book Your Flight Find a cheap flight by using Skyscanner or Momondo. They are my two favorite search engines because they search websites and airlines around the globe so you always know no stone is left unturned.

Book Your Accommodation To find the best budget accommodation, use Booking.com as they consistently return the cheapest rates for guesthouses and cheap hotels. You can book your hostel with Hostelworld as they have the most comprehensive inventory. My favorite place to stay in Girona is:

Can Cocollona – This is the best hostel in the city. It’s social, includes free breakfast, and the beds are super comfy!

Don’t Forget Travel Insurance Travel insurance will protect you against illness, injury, theft, and cancellations. It’s comprehensive protection in case anything goes wrong. I never go on a trip without it as I’ve had to use it many times in the past. I’ve been using World Nomads for ten years. My favorite companies that offer the best service and value are:

World Nomads (for everyone below 70)

Insure My Trip (for those over 70)

Looking for the best companies to save money with? Check out my resource page for the best companies to use when you travel! I list all the ones I use to save money when I travel – and I think will help you too!

If you want to do a bike tour, check out Fat Tire Tours. They offer tours that are fun and informative. They’re my favorite company to go with. They even have some food-themed tours too.

Looking For More Information on Visiting Spain? Check out my in-depth destination guide to Spain with more tips on what to see, do, costs, ways to save, and much, much more!

Photo Credit: 3 – Doronenko, 4 – Toni Verdú Carbó, 5 – Teresa Grau Ros, 6 – stefano Merli, 7 – Josep Maria Viñolas Esteva, 8 – Montse Poch, 9 – rivigan, 10 – Joan, 11 – Jordi Sanchez

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thisdaynews · 5 years

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Sex, Lies and Prenups: Donald Trump’s Timeless Wisdom on Love

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/sex-lies-and-prenups-donald-trumps-timeless-wisdom-on-love-5/

Sex, Lies and Prenups: Donald Trump’s Timeless Wisdom on Love

said, help her and her friends get a table. “I’m very friendly with the owner.” The next day, she received three dozen roses. A few decades later, of course, his manner of pursuit could be a little different.

“I’m a major romantic.”

— The Howard Stern Show, February 27, 2013

“Sometimes you decide immediately—love at first sight. Sometimes you go slowly—the long engagement. … Sometimes you’ll think with your head. Other times you’ll think with other parts of your body, and that’s good.”

Trump: Think Like a Billionaire, 2004

“I think the big thing is you have to find somebody that you have chemistry with. Prior to my marriage, I would go out with a woman that was very beautiful, but if there was no chemistry, no matter what I did, then it just wasn’t going to work.”

—Think Big and Kick Ass in Business and Life, 2007

“I’m very busy to be running out looking for presents.”

Fox News, April 26, 2018

“Dating is like being in Vietnam…It’s like war out there.”

— The Howard Stern Show, January 11, 1993

“I only have one regret in the women department—that I never had the opportunity to court Lady Diana Spencer. I met her on a number of occasions. I couldn’t help but notice how she moved people. She lit up the room with her charm, her presence. She was a genuine princess—a dream lady. She’ll be truly missed.”

—Comeback

“I watched @todayshow this AM re: @MarthaStewart & dating. She looks terrific, better than ever, any guy would be lucky to be with her.”

— Twitter, May 9, 2013

“People are really vicious, and no place are they more vicious than in their relationships with the opposite sex.”

—Comeback

“It’s all in the hunt and once you get it, it loses some of its energy. I think competitive, successful men feel that way about women. Don’t you agree?”

—TrumpNation

Matrimony

Credit, indeed, where credit is due: Trump just marked 15 years of marriage to the former Melania Knauss. The guest list for their lavish Palm Beach nuptials included Shaquille O’Neal, Sylvester Stallone, Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani. “I’m gonna be a very good husband for a change,” Trump told Billy Bush.

“Marriage is, like, really great … I don’t know if it’s security or whatever it is, but I think it’s good. If it works. I mean if it doesn’t work, it’s a total catastrophe. It usually doesn’t work.”

— The Howard Stern Show, December 15, 2004

“Having a good wife and having a nice family is very, very important. There is no substitute for it, frankly.”

— Interview with Rona Barrett, 1980

“I never speak about my wife—which is one of the advantages of not being a politician. My marriage is and should be a personal thing.”

—Playboy, March 1, 1990

“I believe in marriage—one woman, one marriage.”

— ABC Primetime Live, March 10, 1994

“I love the institution of marriage. It cost me a fortune, but I love the institution of marriage.”

— Late Show with David Letterman, August 21, 1997

“My nine-to-five day fascinated and energized me. But then, late in the afternoon, I’d often get a call from Ivana, reminding me of that night’s engagement … Sometimes I’d get angry and say I wasn’t going, and we’d fight about it on the phone. In the end, because I didn’t want to disappoint or embarrass her, I’d almost always agree to go along. When I hung up the phone, though, I’d often say, loud enough, I suppose, for anyone standing in the hall outside my office to hear me, ‘My life is shit.’”

—Surviving

“Congratulations to Michelle and Barack Obama on their 20th anniversary.”

— Twitter, October 4, 2012

“Happy Anniversary to my wonderful wife @MELANIATRUMP — a truly great decision by me!”

— Twitter, January 22, 2014

“@katyperry Katy, what the hell were you thinking when you married loser Russell Brand. There is a guy who has got nothing going, a waste!”

— Twitter, October 16, 2014

“I always felt that if you have to work at a relationship that the relationship is not going to work.”

—TrumpNation

“Marriage is a contract unlike any other contract in life. You marry for love. But your signature on the marriage certificate is all about rights, duties, and property. It’s a legally binding contract that knows nothing of love.”

—Think Big

“One thing I have learned: There is high maintenance. There is low maintenance. I want no maintenance.”

—Comeback

“Marla was always wanting me to spend more time with her. ‘Why can’t you be home at five o’clock like other husbands?’ she would ask. Sometimes, when I was in the wrong mood, I would give a very materialistic answer. ‘Look, I like working. You don’t mind traveling around in beautiful helicopters and airplanes, and you don’t mind living at the top of Trump Tower, or at Mar-a-Lago, or traveling to the best hotels, or shopping in the best stores and never having to worry about money, do you? If you want me to be home at five o’clock, maybe these other things wouldn’t happen and you’d be complaining about that, too. Why would you want to take something that I enjoy and change it?’ I always viewed her whys as being very selfish. But the fact is, in a marriage both sides have to be happy. If they’re not, it’s just not going to work.”

—Comeback

“Find a woman who is supportive, because there is nothing better than a supportive woman.”

—Comeback

“A good marriage is like negotiating an important deal: You have to consider all the factors, thoughtfully and thoroughly … I don’t approach it any more haphazardly than I do a very important deal. In fact, considering the amount of deals I’ve made compared to the number of marriages I’ve had, I’d say I’m quite cautious about marriage. You should be, too.”

—Billionaire

“Being on the other side of a relationship with someone like me must be difficult.”

—People, May 19, 1997

Fidelity

Trump has cheated on his wives when he feels like he’s riding a high—Marla Maples in 1988, for instance, or Stormy Daniels, allegedly, in 2006. Trump, obviously, always has maintained total discretion.

“Geraldo Rivera is a friend of mine, but he did something which I thought was absolutely terrible and he admits it was a mistake. He wrote a book naming many of the famous women that he slept with. I would never do that—I have too much respect for women in general, but if I did, the world would take serious notice. Beautiful, famous, successful, married—I’ve had them all, secretly, the world’s biggest names, but unlike Geraldo I don’t talk about it.”

—Think Big

“There are those that say that you’re more attractive after you get married.”

— The Howard Stern Show, December 15, 2004

“I remember attending a magnificent dinner being given by one of the most admired people in the world. I was seated next to a lady of great social pedigree and wealth. Her husband was sitting on the other side of the table, and we were having a very nice but extremely straight conversation. All of a sudden I felt her hand on my knee, then on my leg. She started petting me in all different ways. I looked at her and asked, ‘Is everything all right?’ I didn’t want to make a scene in a ballroom full of five hundred VIPs. The amazing part about her was who she was—one of the biggest of the big. She then asked me to dance, and I accepted. While we were dancing she became very aggressive, and I said, ‘Look, we have a problem. Your husband is sitting at that table, and so is my wife.’ ‘Donald,’ she said, ‘I don’t care. I just don’t care. I have to have you, and I have to have you now.’ I told her that I’d call her, but she had to stop the behavior immediately. She made me promise, and I did. When I called I just called to say hello, and that was the end of that. But the level of aggression was unbelievable.”

—Comeback

“When a man leaves a woman, especially when it was perceived that he has left for a piece of ass—a good one!—there are 50 percent of the population who will love the woman who was left.”

—Vanity Fair, September 1990

“I’ve never had any trouble in bed …”

—Surviving

“… it happens all the time. One woman, who was also socially prominent, was getting married, and I had bumped into her on Fifth Avenue while she was exchanging wedding gifts. I had my limousine nearby, and she asked if I could give her a ride back to her apartment on Park Avenue. I said absolutely, not even suspecting that within five seconds after the door closed she would be jumping on top of me wanting to get screwed. I said, ‘You’re getting married next week, and I’m going to your wedding.’ ‘I don’t really care,’ she said. ‘I never liked him that much anyway, and you know that.’ I was really in a quandary, because she is a truly great-looking and sexy woman.”

—Comeback

“I even thought, briefly, about approaching Ivana with the idea of an ‘open marriage.’ But I realized there was something hypocritical and tawdry about such an arrangement that neither of us could live with—especially Ivana. She’s too much of a lady.”

—Surviving

“Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again–just watch. He can do much better!”

— Twitter, October 17, 2012

“Everyone knows I am right that Robert Pattinson should dump Kristen Stewart. In a couple of years, he will thank me. Be smart, Robert.”

— Twitter, October 22, 2012

“You know what I hate? When I see a woman and a man married, and a woman is married to a rich guy, right? And then the guy kicks the bucket. He’s gone, and she’s dating the following week.”

— The Howard Stern Show, July 16, 2008

Divorce

“The divorce from Ivana taught him a great lesson,” the late Liz Smith, the longtime gossip columnist, told the makers of the documentary, Trump: An American Dream. “He proved then he couldn’t have his reputation destroyed. He learned he could ultimately get away with anything.”

“It’s a terrible document. It’s ugly, it’s—it’s horrible in almost every way, but you need it. It’s very tough to walk up to a woman or a man and say, ‘Listen, darling, I love you very much, but just in case we get divorced, this is what you’re gonna be getting, if it’s OK with you.’”

— CBS This Morning, January 9, 1998

“I hate the concept of divorce. I hate everything it represents.”

— Larry King Show, April 18, 1990

“I have a friend who’s a professional golfer, he’s married. He could be a very good player. Every night he gets a call from his wife, ‘Why aren’t you home? … Why are you in North Carolina. Why are you in California?’ He plays the tour. ‘This is what I do because I’m a touring professional.’ ‘Well, why don’t you become a home professional?’ ‘Well, you know, because it’s not quite as much money since I’m a touring professional. I’m a great golfer, I have a chance to be a really great golfer.’ Every night she calls up crying and bitching, and I said to him: ‘Get a divorce, cause you never gonna change her.’”

— The Howard Stern Show, November 4, 1997

“Often, I will tell friends whose wives are constantly nagging them about this or that that they’re better off leaving and cutting their losses. I’m not a great believer in always trying to work things out …”

—Comeback

“You know, you look at divorce rates, the biggest problem with marriage and the biggest reason for divorce is money. They don’t have enough money.”

— Speech at the National Achiever’s Congress in Sydney, Australia, September 21, 2011

“You were in love with somebody, and now you are no longer in love. The hatred is so intense, far more intense than it usually gets in a business transaction. There is nothing more vicious than a man or woman going through a divorce. It is pure hell, like nothing else I have ever seen.”

—Think Big

“I hope Mark Zuckerberg signs a prenup with his current girlfriend- perhaps soon to be wife. Otherwise, she can walk away with 9 billion.”

— Twitter, May 15, 2012

“Anybody of wealth or even modest wealth who doesn’t have a prenuptial agreement is mentally retarded, okay?”

—TrumpNation

“My comeback would have been totally impossible had I not had fully executed and well-drawn prenuptial agreements with both Ivana and Marla.”

—Comeback

“I recently played golf with one of the most brilliant men on Wall Street, the head of Morgan Stanley, John Mack. John is a good friend of mine who is married to a fabulous woman. Christy is totally supportive of the long, hard hours he works. John was telling me that after our game he was going to see one of his men. This particular man had the potential to be a star at Morgan Stanley, but he was having tremendous difficulty with his wife. She always complained that he was working too hard and too long and wasn’t devoting enough time or energy to her. Without any further discussion, I looked at John and said, ‘Tell the man to lose the wife. There is no hope for that marriage. Tell him if he stays, he’ll do a lousy job for you.’ … I told John that I didn’t want to sound cold or cynical, but I knew the marriage just wasn’t going to work. If the woman was inclined this way, she was not going to change. I actually told John to pull the young man aside and tell him that it was me who made this recommendation: If he doesn’t lose the ballbreaker, his career will go nowhere.”

—Comeback

“Everyone goes into a marriage thinking that it will last forever. But over fifty percent of the time, marriages don’t work out.”

—Billionaire

“You should never ignore the power that money has to destroy relationships.”

—Billionaire

“What the hell do I know, I’ve been divorced twice?”

—Think Big

Lede image by CK Cross Stitch. “I like a woman who’s a little chubby” and “What the hell do I know, I’ve been divorced twice?” by Little Light Embroidery. “Women are far stronger than men. Their drive makes us look like babies. Some women try to portray themselves as being of the weaker sex, but don’t believe it for a minute” and “Beautiful, famous, successful, married—I’ve had them all, secretly, the world’s biggest names, but unlike Geraldo I don’t talk about it” by Cassandra Keller and Hüftgold Threads. “Marriage is, like, really great. It usually doesn’t work” and “The only time you want your chick to have acne is if it’s because she’s a teenager” by Marie Davis. “Dating is like Vietnam. It’s like war out there” by Elyce Embroidery. “I’m a major romantic” and “I’ve never had any trouble in bed …” by Miles Harris.

Art Direction byErin Aulov and Megan McCrink.Additional design and production by Lily Mihalik. Photography and additional production by M. Scott Mahaskey, Bill Kuchman and Katie Ellsworth.

#Foreign #Politics #Timeless #Wisdom

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fureniku · 5 years

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The return of my blog or something idk

Looks like in my last blog I said I’d not post my semi-private stuff here, only to a private blog.

Honestly, I can’t remember the name of the private blog; let alone the login/password. I think I only made one post there, to zero followers, and kind of lost the point of doing it. So fuck it, lets just go back to being here.

Days since last post: 614 Todays date: 30th September 2019 Start time: 20:39

Well, I guess we have some catching up to do.

I don’t know how many people on here were following me before. So, I guess I’ll start with a sum-up. My previous blog was just me ranting about anxiety/depression related things. It was a good platform for me to vent my thoughts without real life friends knowing; I had a few RL friends who followed it which was great as they could give me some support, but most of them didn’t know about the blog, which was also great as they then didn’t know a side of me I’d generally prefer to keep private. That blog was deleted in early January 2018, when the drummer from my then-band found it. I had made some comments about my frustrations in the band which were true, and I stand by them - but naturally it caused drama. I deleted the account, and instantly regretted it - I only had maybe 50 followers, but now I have two, so yeah. Life since then has been... chaotic. Not specifically in a bad way, just a lot of things happened. When the blog ended I was; - Single - Playing guitar in a band - Working a dead-end job in a Warehouse - Had no ambition/drive to progress life

Three of those things have since changed; I’m still single (not for lack of trying but whatevs). I guess I’ll cover a timeline? Jan 2018: I deleted my old blog, and made this one, and a second one with a more secretive/anon name. I made a couple of posts on each, then abandoned it. Instead, I started relying mostly on just one friend to help me. May 2018: I got a new job, working for a games developer. It literally changed my life. Anxiety/depression started to clear up a lot, things just generally improved. June/July-ish 2018: I left my band. There was an argument about the fact another band was using our space for free, after we had offered it to them at a split rate and they declined. I instigated the argument, other members didn’t see eye to eye with me, so I quit. It was a final nail in the coffin kind of thing, but it was certainly the healthy thing to do. The whole situation had been kind of toxic for a little while, but I now get on just fine with all of them - I think if I had stayed much longer, that might not be the case. Our vocalist left very shortly after me as well - I don’t know the reasons why, but it seems the terms were... less happy.

September 2018: I started taking Japanese classes. Met a girl, had a crush on her for a bit, it didn’t go anywhere as usual. No biggie.

December 2018: Depression came back a bit, as it always does around then. Not much I can do about it so I just power through.

February 2019: I got made redundant from work. I was cool with it, I could see it coming for a while and there was like 12 other people too, my boss had fought hard to keep me but the game wasn’t doing so well, so I totally get it. I got a nice redundancy pay (which they by no means had to give me, so I’m super grateful). I applied for a job with another studio; quite a big one called Jagex. They were far from me so it would’ve involved moving and stuff, so quite scary. I made it to the final stages, but didn’t get it.

I now had a fair lump of cash (I had been saving for a house anyway), but not quite sure what to do with it. Followers of my previous blog can probably guess what I decided to spend it on...

April 2019: I went back to Japan! My mental-health-reset trip mark 2. I spent about two and a half weeks there (despite fucking up and accidentally buying a ticket to return mid-may... whoops). I got detained in China on my way home too but that’s a whole other story (it was all sorted and fine in the end).

While in Japan, I had time to clear my head and think. I decided I wanted to go back to university, so started thinking about how that would work. Here in the UK, we get a student loan to pay for university. It’s a bit complicated, but the way it works is you get your course length plus one year of funding. The day you set foot on campus, you use one year of funding. Now, I had already been to university previously - I studied music production. Totally dead industry, I dropped out about three weeks into my second year. That meant, I only had course length minus one year’s funding left available. So I have to pay the first year of university myself. At a cool £9,250.

My dad agreed to pay one term, so one third of that. I managed to save up another terms worth by working over the summer. I’m sat in my uni dorm right now, still not quite sure how I’ll pay for the third term... but I’ve got 6 months to figure that one out.

May 2019: I returned to my original job, back in the warehouse. Picking and packing sacks of bird food, so much fun. My mental health naturally slipped again, although everyone was really friendly to me while before it was kinda like I didn’t exist, so that was nice.

Around this time, I also joined an Overwatch team. It was a pretty big team with maybe 14-15 members, it was cool to make some new friends. Except one guy, was a dick. This OW stuff is like a whole side story from hereon... Anyway, I said to my squad leader (We’ll call her SN) that this guy is a dick. She said ok and she’d go talk to him. She said do you agree you’re being a dick, he said no. She said do you acknowledge one of the squad members thinks you’re being a dick? He said no again. Some other stuff I don’t know happened, and he got kicked off the team. He turned a load of people against her, caused loads of drama, and everyone blamed her when it was 100% my fault. So that was fun. The only reason I didn’t leave the team right then is because if I had, the entire drama would’ve been for nothing.

June 2019: My old boss who didn’t work there appeared at the end of may. I have a job for you. Ominous... but ok. Turns out, there was a new system being implemented on another contract. As I had experience with QA, and had done some IT stuff for them before, they wanted me to help with the testing and implementation. It was a job that would test my brain, while requiring little physical work - it was perfect for me. I really enjoyed it. It was supposed to be a four week thing, but we found lots of niggly little problems in the system... as far as I know, it’s actually only just gone live - but may have been delayed further.

While working up there, obviously there was downtime while waiting for fixes to be implemented. “What, you want this label a different size? oof, that’s gonna take about three weeks”. However, I got to stay in the office, doing odd jobs and stuff. One of the “odd jobs” ended up being a full on Android app, that my boss and me developed together. It was super fun to work on and really rewarding. That was worked on on-and-off between June and August.

July 2019: an interesting month. There was a major incident at work where a shelf holding very heavy metal shit stirrers collapsed. (The contract was a water treatment etc company, who provide all the clean water and water recycling for my local area. The things on the shelf literally stirred shit.) No one was hurt but it was a lot of drama, which was kind of entertaining to me as I was totally bunking off for the whole week where it happened. Not just the occasionally check Facebook on your phone at work kind of bunking off; I literally just messed about on Discord and worked on Minecraft mods for about two weeks straight. They had given me quite a big project to do, I automated the process... gg ez.

Around this time, the game I had been a part of before was to be officially cancelled. My old work invited me down to the studio to be a part of the formal funeral for the game, which was a big honour. I even got to fly the sky-whale which was awesome. It was bittersweet though, as the game meant a lot to me and had literally changed my life.

August 2019: haaaaaa august was a meme. I’d gotten kinda close with a girl (we’ll call her AP) in my Overwatch team. Like, we’d arranged to meet up at the end of August anyway but yeah, she was the first crush in a long time who actually knew I liked her. And she had certainly implied she felt the same way... like she’d been sending lots of hearts and stuff and talking to me 24/7, tagging me in “X has to take you on a date to Y place” memes and so on. Anyways, so SN had apparently picked up on the fact I liked her, and started getting super pissy with me. I was pretty good friends with SN and we got on well, but in August she suddenly started getting crazy angry with me over tiny things. It all came to a head when I let AP kill me in a game (long story). Turns out, SN was like in love with me... despite breaking up with her boyfriend of over a year like 2 days before this conversation. So yeah, she told me to fuck off and that was that, she left the team etc, which thanks to chain of command meant that I was then in charge. fun.

Anyways, get to the end of August, and I was due to meet AP. We met up, it was pretty cool. We hung out at a gaming festival, then suddenly like half way through she was like “lets split up for a bit” and I was like ........ok thats weird but alright. We didn’t meet up again until literally when she had like 2 mins to go, but it seems like she had a lot more fun without me being there. Clearly I’d done some major fuckup, which I still don’t actually know what it was. I had an anxiety attack before I even reached my car... and not a little one either. It’s quite possibly the biggest anxiety attack I’ve ever had, I barely made it to my car before having a total meltdown. It was the first one I’d had for about a year and it hit hard. It took me about 30 mins to calm down, then I headed home.

I messaged her that night and asked her what happened, and she replied with “oh I never said I liked you”. It hurt a lot, like I’d been totally lead on. But hey whatever, that’s my life in a nutshell right? “Oh you want this happiness? this happiness right infront of you? HA nah”. She said in the same message that I “seemed cool” and she’d like to hang out again sometime. But literally within a week she was clearly interested in another guy, so yeah whatever. We’re still friends and play games from time to time but I know she likes this other guy, so yeah. I still like her but whatever, not much I can do about it.

Work was a meme as well. I got taken off the fun and interesting projects to do paperwork. Literally, my job was to scan 35,000 documents because they couldn’t find a couple of bits of information. I suggested much better and more efficient ways, but the boss of the contract was like “no thats bad do it this old fashioned way we don’t want any fancy apps or anything” (I had suggested a spreadsheet or database). It took me about 3 weeks of just standing by a scanner which would jam up every 15-20 sheets in. It was mental health hell, especially in the last week after all the AP stuff had happened.

September 2019: I had one week left at work. I finished the hellish scanning project on Monday afternoon. “Oh as a thanks for your massive hard work we’ll make sure to find you things to do for the rest of the week” No it’s fine, I’m happy to just finish a few days early so I have more time to prep for uni. “No no no, we’ll find you stuff to do” They did not find stuff for me to do. I literally sat there, with nothing to do bar a few odd jobs “hey can you fix this printer”, for four days. It was incredibly mind-numbingly dull. The only thing ticking me over was “hey, maybe they wanna give me a card on my last day or something to say good luck and bye and thanks for doing this literal £20/hr job for half that because you’re agency staff”. But nah, a few people said cya later, but a lot forgot I was leaving entirely. So that was a fun way to finish what had mostly been a decent job...

I then had two weeks of freedom, before moving to university on the 21st. I was nervous; who wouldn’t be? but it was cool. I finally moved out of my house, and had a place where I could make a lot of new friends (LOL). On the day I moved in, I met up with someone I’d spoken to online a few times who was living in the same building as me, we’ll call her S. She was nice, we got on well, and it was kinda cool to have a friend who was a girl that for once I didn’t have a crush on (coz I’m still totally hung up on AP). We ended up going to a club in the evening which I’ve literally never done in my life, and she brought me out of my comfort zone a lot. She was great for my anxiety and really helpful. We’ve hung out a few times since, but I kind of feel like I was just a “filler friend” until she made new friends. She actually totally blanked me when I walked past her today, so that was fun. She has my Switch atm too coz I let her borrow it, I’ll probably just get it back later this week and then be done, its like I put in all the effort to be a friend and she couldn’t care less.

Anyways, so as I said I moved in on Saturday. I met one of my four flatmates on Saturday and another on Sunday, but hadn’t seen the other two at all. It gets to Thursday and I’m tidying the kitchen a bit, my mum’s about to pick me up so I can move in my last few things, and one of the mystery people appeared - she hadn’t actually moved in yet and was just unloading her stuff. She had loads of kitchen stuff, seems she’s really into her cooking.

Anyway, mum picks me up, we go to get my stuff, then we’re driving back, and my phone starts blowing up. S: Are you in? Me: No, why? S: Your building’s on fire. Me: lol nice joke S: no really *picture of everyone evacuated with fire engines outside* S: It’s your floor too, idk which flat. I wasn’t far out, so found her outside when I arrived. I’ve seen people going in, not being funny but one of them looked like [one of my flatmates]. Shit. A few mins later, the girl who had just moved in came over. You know it’s our flat right? Shit. Turns out the extractor fan on the cooker malfunctioned. I won’t share the video itself coz one of my flatmates is in it, but yeah it just started spraying molten something all over the hob and surfaces. (They said it looked like molten metal, and they were there - but I don’t see how it would’ve gotten hot enough to melt any metal. My best guess is fat that hadn’t been cleaned from last years tenants)

So yeah, we got moved into another flat. The open cupboard right there was my one - I rescued my custom cup from it that the games studio had given me. It’s no good to drink from now, but it still looks ok so I’m glad I can keep it for decorative purposes at least. The rest of the food is waste, and I have to wait for the plates etc to get cleaned. I’m currently eating ready meals out of their cook-in containers, because I don’t have any plates, and only one fork and spoon. I bought some paper plates today though so I’ll use those from tomorrow, but I still don’t have any saucepans or anything.

I wasn’t around when they sorted out the replacement accommodation. Because of that, the other four from my flat went to the same new flat together, with one new person. I was put into a different flat which also had one other person in, my building manager assured me they’re “really nice”. I asked if they knew I was coming, BM said “they’ll know when we get up there :)”. That was Thursday, today is Monday. The only food in the kitchen is mine, I’ve not seen anyone. I’m 100% positive I’m alone in this flat.

And so yeah, that’s my uni experience so far. I had my first lectures today, it was cool because I already knew all the stuff so I got to feel smart (I’m doing computer games programming, and it was mostly about design docs which I read through extensively while working at the studio, so I knew exactly how they worked etc). But, I didn’t really make any friends. I kind of joined in with a couple of other people in each lecture, but it seems like they weren’t really interested, so whatever. I had an anime society taster this evening as well, and it was when I was on my way to that that S blanked me and I just got hit my like a wave of loneliness. I didn’t make any friends at the anime society, so I kinda just gave up and came back to my flat, and started writing this. As I was getting the fire picture from above though someone asked me if I wanted to hang out, so guess I’ll see how that goes. Not holding out much hope tbh and I’m at the point of becoming a full on hermit... I mean hey, at least I’d get a perfect score on my degree if I just focus on that and eliminate any social aspect right?

Finish time: 21:38 Length: 3,302 words/16,759 characters

#depression #anxiety #new start #moving #relationships #friendships #friends #tw #trigger warning

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