#Just rambling about my own observations

[tasberry]

You know, watching all the volumes I missed out on in one go has been really interesting.

Initially, I thought Ruby being with Oscar was maybe just gonna be a one sided ship on Oscar's behalf?

I thought it was cute as heck, and I loved the idea of two kids, with such extraordinary pressures put upon them, just... being normal dorks with each other.

Maybe that's boring, but that was kinda why I liked it, you know?

They're both two characters that have so much to live up to, and their circumstances are the furthest thing from boring....aaaand yet the relationship they could have would just be the epitome of the "couple that gets nervous to even hold hands" trope.

On my way to get caught up, seeing everything up until last weeks devastating cliffhanger...I don't get people saying they can't see the Rosegarden implications?

It's not subtle about it at all. Hell, even people I know ship Ruby with someone else (or no one at all) have pointed out that there has been a spotlight on how important Oscar and Ruby are to each other.

Even if the characters don't totally get why that is themselves, the narrative and animation choices keep drawing back to it, you know?

Sure, you could point out Oscar and Ozma merging and the can of worms that that argument brings. That's fair.

That being said, however, I don't think they're going to end up being merged.

Even if they come close to it, I don't see it being permanent or that Oscar would lose himself or become a second wheel with Ozma taking the reigns.

With all the emphasis put on Oscar being his own person and Ozma genuinely not wanting the incarnation process to continue....why would the story pull a 180 and seemingly go against its own messaging? Being your own person and breaking toxic cycles seems to be an important theme here. Especially with what we've seen in V9 so far.

[sskk-manifesto]

Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me

[salty-an-disco]

just had a realization as to why I find the Leave as Gods ending pretty chill and something I’d actually wouldn’t mind doing–

I’m nonbiney, xenogender, and relate more to abstract concepts than my own body, becoming a concept too great for anyone but yourselves and your literal soulmate to understand is literally my dream lmao.

[trash-can-sam]

There is something so delicious abt the intertwining of failure and success when it comes to the narratives of pathologic.

Daniil enters the town a success, a celebrity doctor, well know and well liked, desperate to save his lab and secure funding but ultimately it isn’t the end of his life if the Hail Mary doesn’t turn out- he still might find a way to save it. Even though the details are uncertain, Daniil Dankovsky enters the town mostly a success. Artemy enters the town hated, suspected of patricide, denied his inheritance, in p2 he didn’t get the degree his father wished of him (it was more about the actual learning than the degree but still) because he was drafted into the war. His old friends dislike him and all hate eachother, by all metrics, Artemy Burakh enters the town a complete failure.

However, even when Daniil gets the Utopian ending, his entire time in the Town is a never ending cycle of little victories that ultimately end in failures. He barely does jack shit, even his medicine sucks ass and doesn’t work. He’s technically the only person here with a medical degree even if both Rubin and Artemy are qualified, yet he functions as a bureaucrat most the time. Even if he gets the utopian ending, he still has failed to save his lab and his old life, it’s all still in ashes.

In Daniils quests, even the ones you do well, half the time it still feels like you’re losing. Daniils story is the story of a man who lost everything he held dear in the span of 2 weeks, the entire time getting punched in the balls.

However, Artemy, even though he enters the town as a failure, retakes his place. He manages to disprove his guilt, he finds his fathers murderer, takes his revenge, he takes his rightful place in the kin (debatable how much he wanted to but like, he didn’t want literally anything so yk), he reunites his friends, his medicine is so good, even when you’re playing as Daniil it’s THE most useful medicine you can create by far. HE ADOPTS CHILDREN FOR FUCKS SAKE.

If Daniil wins, he’s destroyed the town and the people will forever hate him for taking it away. If Artemy wins, he’s the town hero, the one who successfully filled his fathers shoes and saved the town from a deadly outbreak.

Does Daniil deserve such a title for his ending? Absolutely not lmao, he’s an outsider afterall. This was never his world to come in on, merely all he had left. But it’s simply showing how Daniil is doomed to be a failure, and Artemy has the chance of being a hero.

AND the way this feeds into burakovsky is great I feel, the town hero and the disgraced doctor. The one who had it all and lost it all vs the one who lost it all and gained so much more than he ever could’ve expected. Not to say Artemy has only won, but he comes out of the outbreak with far more of a purpose and direction in life, he has a job to do. Daniil has nothing at all, the closest thing being his old friends who spend all their nights drinking away their lives mourning the dream of Utopia. Artemy has set up the future of the town, the children who will ultimately succeed him. Daniil has lost the closest thing he had to a child as well as his own hope.

The story of Daniil is getting beat into the ground where the story of Artemy is climbing your way out of the pits of hell. And idk. I think. I just think it’s fun. (AND both of these things do LITERALLY happen- with Daniil getting the shit beat out of him in the abattoir and whenever you talk to Clara before Artemy jumps in the pit. Or in p2 whenever it’s arguably even more clear that he jumps in a glowing red pit and makes his way out of the bowels of the earth yk)

[thatfaerieprincess]

Feel free to skip on past this, I’ve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didn’t know how to interact with them? I didn’t know what to say to them bc I don’t know what I needed to hear back then, what I would’ve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldn’t let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didn’t know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didn’t know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still don’t even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I don’t think I’ve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. I’ve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe it’s not the best now, or even that great at all, but it’s better. I wish I could’ve told them but I don’t think they’d have wanted to hear it anyway

[katyspersonal]

I think I’d like to note a few more things on Maria’s clothing as well.

She does dress masculine, but it’s not very out of the ordinary. Gratia, Henriette, Eileen, and Yurie all wear traditionally masculine clothes as warriors, and even compared to them, Maria did not appear to be one to entirely bury her feminine traits. She wears her lumenflower brooch, flower chains, a ribbon in her hair, and a feathered hat that resembles the female Cainhurst knight hat alongside a more common hunter’s hat. Compared to the other masculine women of Bloodborne, Maria still has a clear balance between her masculine and feminine attire.

The male Cainhurst knight set is actually traditionally way more feminine-looking already, but Maria turning it into a hunter’s uniform inspired by Gehrman works well because the set already bears more resemblance to traditional hunter wear than the female knight’s garb.

Again, even in the wider world of Soulsborne, Maria is not unusual for being masc in an older time period. What is more relevant is her unique way of approaching a traditionally male dominated field in a Victorian setting, and not burying her feminine traits. Every other female hunter I mentioned dresses entirely masculine, but Maria keeps a balance. She could have given her more elegant Cainhurst fashion, which is undeniably more feminine, but she didn’t. This makes more come off like more of a feminist in her time than the other women that clearly didn’t do the same.

Gehrman dressing the Doll like he did was an interesting choice, but something tells me he didn’t do it out of a malevolent or disturbing reason. We know the Doll clothes reveal the love of their creator, not the desire for female submission or sexual depravity. The answer doesn’t need to be complex when trying to explain why Gehrman’s motives might not have been twisted. The answer is right in the game. It was something that came from love. Why it manifested in that way is up to interpretation.

Oh! I appreciate you expressing your take on the matter here, anon! I just want to correct a little bit! The ribbon Maria ties her hair with appear to be the headpiece of Knight's set that is male version of it, and Henryk is another hunter that uses feathers in his hat!

As for Yurie/Julie, Choir garb in my opinion is not masculine clothing but rather... neutral clothing? It is a robe of a religious group and in my opinion they'd aim for suppression if not erasure of identity! Blindfold cap covers upper part of their faces and whereas it has lore reason (letting the 'stars' show them the world guide them instead + Willem reference), but also from design standpoint it covers the most expressive part of the face - the eyes area. They are also called Choir, I think they would try to appear all identical and interchangeable, anonymous, including obscuring gender presentation rather than being feminine or masculine! (I like to think realistically, anyone with long hair would tuck them under the hat... 🤔) So yeah! I just need to be honest with what we are discussing here.

But you have a rather good core point:

(Screenshots are courtesy of Bloodborne wiki ( x ))

You can see male Knight, Maria and female Knight sets, and... that sets are actually similar. The 'masculine' thing about Maria's version of the set is use of grey ribbon to tie her hair, leaving out puffy sleeves and leaving out the skirt. Which... tells us actually not all that much about her presentation?

No, but really! I would say there is a difference between disposing of flea-like blood-drunk monsters in the comfort of the royal castle and running in dungeons/streets/hamlet full of fish mutants apparently. There might have been a practical reason for leaving the skirt (and slightly longer cape) out. Knights stay in the castle mostly to dispose of Bloodlickers that just jump and suck blood, Maria however, disposes of beasts that could effectively drag a long skirt/longer cape down with their claws! Puffy sleeves of female set are made from lighter and expensive material, but Maria's coat is (reasonably) of thicker and rougher material that might be a hassle to repeat the puffiness even if Maria wanted to! And ribbon could be just an element common in Cainhurst to tie hair, definitely not likely to be banned for women. Maria needed a big hat, not a tiny decorative hat when hunting. Again, 'comfort of the castle' thing, you know?

Clothes are not necessarily masculine, but they ARE practical.

Basically? You are right, there is no need for big essays and elaborate analyses to begin with. Maria is not 'unambiguously masculine', Maria is... Maria. She presents as Maria. Given the setting her preferences are... sooooo up to interpretation, and the only solid thing we have is that Gehrman certainly had no personal interest in feminizing her. (Woulda been odd anyways since he trained her to kick ass to begin with).

We appear to have entered the problem of 'western fandoms can only analyze any media through the lense of 21th century american values regardless of context, setting, country of the production or even basic common sense'. Woman seems masculine? Then she MUST be masculine for the same reasons why an american woman would be in 21st century would be masculine, by logic of such people. It is just something I absolutely cannot connect with, because I engage with fiction to escape the struggles and visions of reality, not to carry them with me. And I love media from overseas, coming from different cultures or set in a very different setting because it gives me perspective varied from what I already see all the time. Hence why I personally never had much hype for passing her as butch/egg/etc, or for projecting issues with creepy men on Gehrman. Because:

There are plenty of fictional universes that do touch themes of feminism and queer presentation as it is in many 1st world countries of our century, are made by westerners and for (mostly) westerners, there are many indie creators or just artists that have many characters like this and explore these themes - in plain way, without having to force it in! Bloodborne just feels like a whole different thing that is good for what it is, not for what it could be.

I also always had impression that when FromSoft games want to say something regarding characterisation - they SAY it. I think Elden Ring cemented this for me with the "Dolores fashioned herself as a man" or... idk, Entire Personality of Seluvis. They are very coy with lore and world-building and timelines, indeed, but not with presenting something. Does it mean that interpretations are now bad and banned? Of course not. But it is mindset like 'Maria is masculine she is the gnc icon everyone who thinks otherwise is just a cowardly incel whose pp shrinks at the sight of a masculine woman why do you want to take away our ONLY representation under guise of loving the lore and truth?!' that does inspire me to go in the trenches to defend Gehrman's honor dfsjhdfsdsf

Meanwhile Gratia and Henriett leave the chat:

I've talked a lot but I see what you are saying, anon. It is more about 'people who have eyes WILL see naturally, without any essays or analyses' and like... I guess so...? I just have it basically coded in my brain to ramble about my interests and read lectures to the classroom with like 2 people in it, hahaha. Maybe there should be fandomry class in the schools since we can't escape the internet and media anymore, and I will work as a teacher. xD /j

[agalnamedlunasea]

The thing about making komaru the pov of my au is she really doesn't have that many canonical relationships with other characters, at least in comparison to other dr characters. So if I want her to have more relationships with people, especially friendships, I kinda gotta. Make it up, rather than elaborate off of canon. Which is different and interesting

[accursedrainbow]

Wisteria shows affection via biting it's a good thing the love of her life is solid metal, probably not so good for her teeth tho

[noxtivagus]

i seriously love music & stories so much

[archivist-annemi]

I think that to be a true Star Wars fan, you really need to hate it as much as you love it.

Just like the Force: Powerful light. Powerful darkness. Powerful hate. Powerful love.

Love it for what it could or should be, but hate some parts of the fandom or canon. I think every passionate Star Wars fan has their own personal canon they’ve built with the parts they love.

[evening-rose-309]

to not spoil it, they quietly killed off the ncr for absolutely no reason and made the BOS victors for some reason.

house is not dead, but for majority fucked over at the battle of the hoover dam. how it is not stated yet.

but you’re pretty much correct everything else, so real “let’s wipe the slate clean bullshit”.

Of course he lost the dam.

The NCR was the main force behind Hoover Dam's acquisition in the first place, wrenching it out from under Caesar at the last second when Hanlon and the Rangers pulled their hail mary.

Without the Bear of the West, the Three Families probably defected into Caesar or fell to the Legion or just straight up deserted House once they realized a couple hundred tanks on tricycles would never be able to stand up to the Several Thousand Trained Berserkers that make up Caesar's Legion by year 2277.

I'm just curious as to what the Tin Can Buffoons will do to him when they find him. Or if he's made contact with Boston yet as his own last stand hail mary, though that part's purely wishful thinking.

[cntloup]

Gojo Satoru x pregnant!reader

protective!Satoru, fluff, a lil angst, mention of feeling guilty, implied heavy symptoms experienced by the reader

"it's ok, baby. i've got it." Satoru says as he approaches your slouched form over the sink, washing the dishes as you try to get something done and make yourself useful.

you've been feeling guilty during the past month or so, feeling like you were a burden to him, thinking that you would never live up to his expectations. now he has to take care of you. and as time goes by, it will get even worse as your pregnancy progresses. but he's a busy man with heavy responsibilities. you'd be only holding him back. you torture yourself with these thoughts every day.

"oh, thanks. i'll go clean up the living room and do the laundry then." you respond with a forced smile, trying to mask the guilt that's been gnawing at you for a while as you try to keep yourself from falling over out of dizziness.

"what? no, wait! i'll do it after i wash the dishes. you go get some rest. you've done enough." he retorts while gently grabbing your arm, voice slightly raised to stop you immediately.

he is in utter disbelief at your behavior. you should be resting right now, tucked in beneath the soft sheets peacefully. you shouldn't worry your pretty little head about anything, he thinks.

"i haven't done anything all day." you utter in a faintly frustrated tone, mostly at yourself.

"and that's exactly how it should be." he replies with a nod, "now go to bed before i drag you there myself." he adds, maintaining a playful tone, a soft smile adorning his features as he drinks in your beauty. you're already glowing. but considering how observant he is, he senses your discomfort immediately like he can actually feel the gloom and sorrow you're feeling right now like a mother hen.

"what is it, baby? tell me." he murmurs as he walks up to you and pulls you into him by your hips, shining blue eyes staring at you as he awaits a response.

his hand rests on your side as the other cups your jaw, his thumb swiping over your cheek that could be dampened any moment now as you feel tears threatening to spill.

"i'm so sorry." you whisper breathily, voice slightly quivering with the lump in your throat as you look up into his glowing eyes.

"for what?" he asks, confusion evident on his features.

"for being weak. i'm so sorry to disappoint you." you finally spill out the words that have been weighing heavily on your chest as the tears cascade down your glossy eyes.

"disappoint me? i don't understand... why are you crying, love?" he mutters with a shake of his head, his confusion growing even more by your words as his fingers swipe over your cheeks to wipe away the stray tears.

"you're literally the strongest and you're stuck with me. i'm barely even showing yet and i'm feeling extreme fatigue. i've been sleeping all day for the past month cause i can't do anything. and because of the symptoms, i'll probably have to quit my job." you ramble about the thoughts that have been pulling you down all this time.

"wait, wait, wait! how long have you been feeling like this?" he questions with widened eyes baring into your soul.

"eversince we found out i was pregnant. i can't stop feeling guilty about disappointing you." you reply quietly, almost embarrassed to admit it. of course you know you're being irrational. it's all natural to be tired during this time and need help, but you just can't help it.

"you've been feeling like this all this time and you didn't tell me anything?" he blurts out almost too aggressively to his liking, "sorry. didn't mean it to come out that way." he quickly apologizes after witnessing the slight flinch on your part.

how could he not see it? you've been trying to do the chores like regular, pushing yourself to your limit both in the house and on your job until he swoops in and takes the weight off your shoulders. now he starts to blame himself for not finding out sooner and letting you wallow in your own sadness and guilt all alone.

"you're not weak, baby. you're doing the one thing that i can't possibly ever do. the one thing that the strongest can't do. and what does that make you? huh? you're literally the strongest of all, babe. i can't even fathom what you're going through and you're doing amazing-", "i'm barely functioning." you cut him off.

"i'm not done yet, babe." he says playfully before continuing, "you're doing amazing, honey. you sleep not because you can't do anything else but because you need it. you're carrying our child for fuck's sake. a literal human's life is growing inside you and of course it takes its toll on you. and i'm right here beside you every step of the way." he finishes his loving speech with a tender kiss on your forehead as his strong arms wrap around your now slightly shaking form as you sob, utterly moved by his words and also the hormones.

"thank you, Satoru. i really appreciate it. you always know what to say when i'm feeling down." your words are cut off by loud sobs but he patiently waits for you to finish as he rubs your back soothingly while nuzzling his face in your neck.

"any time, baby. i love you." he whispers in your ear, "i love you too, toru." you say back, continuing to sob in his arms for a while before you eventually calm down and he guides you to bed, encouraging you to take some much-needed rest.

"and don't worry about your job. you can take some time off or quit altogether. i have more than enough to pay for our family and the next generations to come-", "ok, stop bragging!" you chuckle, "i'm just saying, baby. i've been dying to spoil you. now's my chance. let me take care of you. you don't have to go through this alone. in fact, i won't even let you." he chuckles lightly and crashes his lips onto yours, pulling away with a loud smack as you both lay in bed, limbs tangled together, "you already spoil me." you mention with a slight pout, "and i'm gonna do it even more. you deserve it, baby. don't worry about anything. i've got it." he says while softly caressing your cheek, admiring your glowing beauty illuminated by the faint bedside light.

you slowly start to feel the sleep creeping in and drift away into a slumber as you mumble a quiet 'thank you', curling into Satoru's side as he holds you so lovingly while you think to yourself how you've been blessed with the best, most loving and supportive partner anyone could ever ask for.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

The thing with the Mari Lwyd, though, is that it's being... I don't know, 'appropriated' is the wrong word, but certainly turned into something it isn't.

Thing is, this is a folk tradition in the Welsh language, and that's the most important aspect of it. I feel partly responsible for this, because I accidentally became a bit of an expert on the topic of the Mari Lwyd in a post that escaped Tumblr containment, and I clearly didn't stress it strongly enough there (in my defence, I wrote that post for ten likes and some attention); but this is a Welsh language tradition, conducted in Welsh, using Welsh language poetic forms that are older than the entire English language, and also a very specific sung melody (with a very specific first verse; that's Cân y Fari). It is not actually a 'rap battle'. It's not a recited poem. It is not any old rhyme scheme however you want.

It is not in English.

Given the extensive and frankly ongoing attempts by England to wipe out Welsh, and its attendant cultural traditions, the Mari is being revived across Wales as an act of linguistic-cultural defiance. She's a symbol of Welsh language culture, specifically; an icon to remind that we are a distinct people, with our own culture and traditions, and in spite of everyone and everything, we're still here. Separating her from that by removing the Welsh is, to put it mildly, wildly disrespectful.

...but it IS what I'm increasingly seeing, both online and in real world Mari Lwyd festivals. She's gained enormous pop-culture popularity in recent years, which is fantastic; but she's also been reduced from the tradition to just an aesthetic now.

So many people are talking/drawing about her as though she's a cryptid or a mythological figure, rather than the folk practice of shoving a skull on a stick and pretending to be a naughty horse for cheese and drunken larks. And I get it! It's an intriguing visual! Some of the artwork is great! But this is not what she is. She's not a Krampus equivalent for your Dark Christmas aesthetic.

I see people writing their own version of the pwnco (though never called the pwnco; almost always called some variant on 'Mari Lwyd rap battle'), and as fun as these are, they are never even written in the meter and poetic rules of Cân y Fari, much less in Welsh, and they never conclude with the promise to behave before letting the Mari into the house. The pwnco is the central part to the tradition; this is the Welsh language part, the bit that's important and matters.

Mari Lwyd festivals are increasingly just English wassail festivals with a Mari or two present. The Swansea one last weekend didn't even include a Mari trying to break into a building (insert Shrek meme); there was no pwnco at all. Even in the Chepstow ones, they didn't do actual Cân y Fari; just a couple of recited verses. Instead, the Maris are just an aesthetic, a way to make it look a bit more Welsh, without having to commit to the unfashionable inconvenience of actually including Welsh.

And I don't really know what the answers are to these. I can tell you what I'd like - I'd like art to include the Welsh somewhere, maybe incorporating the first line of Cân y Fari like this one did, to keep it connected to the actual Welsh tradition (or other Welsh, if other phrases are preferred). I'd like people who want to write their version of the pwnco to respect the actual tradition of it by using Cân y Fari's meter and rhyme scheme, finishing with the promise to behave, and actually calling it the pwnco rather than a rap battle (and preferably in Welsh, though I do understand that's not always possible lol). I'd like to see the festivals actually observe the tradition, and include a link on the booking website to an audio clip of Cân y Fari and the words to the first verse, so attendees who want to can learn it ahead of time. I don't know how feasible any of that is, of course! But that's what I'd like to see.

I don't know. This is rambly. But it's something I've been thinking about - and increasingly nettled by - for a while. There's was something so affirming and wonderful at first about seeing the Mari's climb into international recognition, but it's very much turned to dismay by now, because she's important to my endangered culture and yet that's the part that everyone apparently wants to drop for being too awkward and ruining the aesthetic. It's very frustrating.

[melonpond]

it turns out it only takes 4 weeks of sending someone a pun every single night before they inquire about your mental health

[cryingatships]

So, I don't know how to begin this post. Let me start by saying that this is only a personal social observation (gotta use my major somewhere), based on what I've seen in the school shipping culture around me. (Pls keep me out of shipping discourse, ty.)

So, the entire ep was a kick in the gut, and it's tackling issues which are very, very personal to me, even rn when I'm in college. bullying, ragging, classism, institutional prestige... as if I'm not getting enough of drama, politics n media irl

But anyway, I'm not gonna go into those rn. Instead, I want to write a bit about this—shipping in schools.

I don't know how much this happens in the western school systems, but in the part of the world where I am, aka in South Asia, 'shipping' people (keeping it in quotes cause no one actually uses the particular term), starts at school.

No one teaches it to you, to be honest. But when two students of the opposite cisgender are close with each other, share their lunches/food/tiffin, then whispers start around the class. The reason for this closeness may be that they just vibe together, or their parents are friends, or sometimes they are actually in relationships/like each other.

From what I've seen in my (and a few other schools I had friends from), it usually starts as early as first grade? Back then even holding hands were scandalous And it doesn't really matter if the 'shipped' persons are popular or pretty or not, it can happen between any people who are a little close. Or if one side likes the other (which may be stated publicly or to friends).

Of course, it typically only happens with two people of the opposite cis genders, though as you go up in grades/classes, the scope of shipping friends/peers go into plenty other directions, too.

A lot of the times, it just turns out to be friendships, but I've personally seen people who are shipped get together too. And then there were a few instances where two people purposely promoted their 'ship' because they wanted to get close to the other person's friend in a very roundabout way. Is high school normally like this or is my school just????

So anyway, shipping people who are your friends/peers is considered normal around here. A thing to laugh and chat about with your friends (who can be the shipped ppl too), shout in the hallways, make silly doodles on etc. Of course, this can take a dangerous turn any second—many guardians do not approve of their children getting into relationships (real or otherwise) in schools, many people who are 'shipped' feel uncomfortable with the whole thing (though they in turn participate in shipping others), and of course there's the ever present chance of stalking, invasion of privacy, rivalry etc

School shipping is also a gradual process of socialisation involving love, romance, attraction, ig. Many institutes lack (or refuse to allow) talk of romance/attraction and sex ed. Many guardians would never touch the topic of talking to their wards/children about relationships, romantic and sexual love, some going as far as to forbid their wards from consuming any media about these things. In such a scenario, where love, romance etc is considered almost a taboo never to be associated with, shipping, ie love but without involving yourself into it, becomes a way to deal with them. Talking about your peers being in love starts a conversation about stuff that would not have taken place in any other way. Most times, this is not a self-narrative thing either, people 'shipping' friends/peers are aware they are not the 'shipped' people. But anyway. Most times is the keyword here

Of course, this shipping slowly goes into the areas of life when people *are* allowed to love, but most of it ends in high school (unless you're still in fandom, but that's a different thing altogether). People are too busy trying to eat, sleep and also study to continue shipping friends in college/uni.

I'm not going into the debate about whether this is healthy or not. As I stated at first, this is but a personal observation of things I've seen around, and things that are still happening, starting from when you are 5-6 years, ye.

(It's only been two years since I got out of hs, that's not a very long time. And my juniors tell me about the current school gossip XD)

This is just me seeing a drama and then rambling about something in it, so ye, Do Not get me into shipping drama.

[street-smarts00]

Clingy

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (BAU!reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WC: 3.7k

Summary: You tended to be very expressive with your friends when showing your affection. Whether it showed in pet names or physical touch. Only thing is, Spencer thinks he’s falling in love with you, and all of your sweet affectionate actions are starting to take a toll on his unrequited heart. At least, he thinks it’s unrequited. 

Tags: there’s a tiny bit of miscommunication but not too much that it will make your head explode like it does mine. Make out but nothing grown/spicy. Friends to lovers. A bit of hurt/comfort

A/N: Not beta read don’t kill me! yoooo spence is so in denial about her feelings in this but lol so real king. This is mostly from his POV but I had to cheat a few times. Hope i can live up to the hype that complimentary colors was. I low key don't like this one as much but had to execute it cause the idea was cute.

You were starting to drive him insane. Criminally insane. You could invade his thoughts at any waking moment of his day and take over his mind. Every affectionate pet name, every soft fleeting touch, hell every time you look at him, he would replay the moment in his mind like a broken record. If he was in a crowded room, his eyes would always fall on you. 

After being with the BAU for a while you became good friends with your coworkers. And with that, came your habit of calling your friends sweet nicknames. Anything from sweetie, to honey, to babes, and the one that broke his heart the most, my love. 

At first he didn’t understand why you were using terms of endearment that were typically used in a romantic relationship, but in a platonic way. At some point he caught on that you were similar to Garcia when it came to expressing your love for friends. Similar to her and the way she has her own sweet silly way of expressing how she cares.

Nevertheless, some small part of his heart still broke when you called him those names. He adored your sweet caring nature and the fact that you cared enough about him to call him terms of endearment. But every time a nickname fell from your lips, he was reminded you only meant it platonically. 

It was his own personal torture to constantly be reminded he would never be your sweetie, your honey … your love. But the nicknames weren’t enough to drive him insane. While it drove him to the brink of insanity, he was able to keep his head somewhat still on his shoulders. 

Not long after the heart warming but crushing nicknames, you showed your true love language. Physical touch. It showed in many forms. It could show when poking JJ in the shoulder and giving Emily a high five. Or nudging Morgan in his side with your elbow. You even managed to get a fist pump from Hotch and Rossi. And of course the welcome and goodbye hugs from Penelope. 

You were a bit hesitant at first to express this love language of yours with Spencer due to his aversion to touch and germs. However, you observed that he would gratefully receive occasional touches. Whether it be a hug, high-five, or even the rare ruffle of his hair -which of course would be from Morgan. So you approached him and asked if he was comfortable with physical contact. 

When it came to you, he was more than comfortable. You could take him in your arms and he would simply melt into a puddle on the floor. Except he didn’t say that and his reply was closer to a mix of stuttering and rambling about how you could never make him uncomfortable and how he just doesn’t like germs. 

Now he’s not saying he regrets his choices. He wouldn’t ever take it back. He enjoys every single lingering touch between the two of you. Actually “enjoys” would be a severe understatement. Every single time you ruffle his hair, lean your head on his shoulder, or even just carefully touch his arm, it was as if a thousand volts of electricity were flowing through him. Like he could light up the city even. You were the best part of his days and the reason breath filled his lungs. You brought a light into his life that made him feel safe and warm. 

He desperately wanted your affection, your attention, your touch, to mean something more than he knew it to be. But sooner or later, touch after touch, he started to go insane. Somewhere along the way he had daydreamed so deep he had lost his mind. 

You had officially driven Spencer Reid insane. 

He was promptly whisked away from his thoughts when he felt the tap of a folder on his shoulder and a light thump on his desk. 

“Hotch wants to know your thoughts on the consultation from Colorado,” you started. 

He blinked back into focus glancing at the papers on his desk. 

“Hey, you alright?” You asked with concern. “You look like your head is in the clouds.”

“I’m fine, just lost in thought,” he answered with a small smile reassuring you.

“Don’t get too lost. Can’t have your genius brain short circuiting on us.” You chuckled as you took a small step closer to him and playfully ruffled his hair. 

“I’ll try not to,” he grinned and pushed his hair back after you messed with it. 

“Well I’ll be back soon, my love. Gotta go bother Penelope,” you joked before making your way out of the bullpen. 

His gaze was lingering on you as you left. His thoughts started to drift to you again as his cheeks turned pink.

“I’ll be back soon, my love,” Morgan mimicked in a higher pitched voice with a grin as he approached Spencer's desk. In response Spencer turned his chair away from Morgan to hide his now red face. 

“When are you two going to start dating? You guys already act like a couple.” 

“We do not act like a couple,” Spencer argued. “She just sometimes calls me pet names, that's normal for her.” 

“You don’t see it do you?” Morgan furrowed his eyebrows and was seconds away from chuckling. “She’s been giving you quite a bit of attention lately. Practically clinging onto you.” 

“I mean I- I don’t think so. She does that with everyone, it's not just me. She just happens to be very affectionate with friends.” He answers as his voice almost cracked. 

Morgan shook his head, “Oh no it’s more than that. Have you ever noticed that she calls you “my love” but she calls us “love”? Or when we’re on a long flight back home and you two are all cuddly on the jet. How she always seeks out your company and finds an excuse to talk to you or about you.” 

Spencer couldn’t speak. He had so many words on the tip of his tongue but his voice wouldn’t make a sound. He sat frozen and mouth slightly agape as his brain started to go into overdrive. 

Morgan's face softened at Spencer's reaction. “It’s different with you kid. Friends don’t act like that.” 

“You and Garcia do.” Spencer countered, this time definitely with a voice crack. Morgan lightly chucked. He was well aware that his and Penelope’s friendship was a bit different than other male/female friendships. 

“Okay you got me there, but you and Y/N aren’t me and Garcia. We may flirt with each other a lot but that’s our thing. You two have this care for each other like nothing I've ever seen.” 

Spencer was left stunned once again and Morgan could practically see the gears in his head turning.

“You may not notice it now, or hell you may not let yourself notice it now, but it’s true.” 

Those words rang in the back of Spencer's mind for days. Of course on a regular basis you would occupy his mind at any given moment. But now it wasn’t just thoughts about you. His mind was over analyzing almost every interaction between you and him, trying to find what Morgan had talked about. Some form of evidence that proved what you felt for him was beyond what he had initially thought. 

He was recounting all the recent times you had approached him out of the members of your team. He recalled all the times you were either hanging out or on the jet and you found yourself tracing patterns on his arm. He was rethinking when you started to use nicknames around him and how it could be different with him than with others. It turned out Morgan might be right, as Spencer realized the numerous times you referred to Garcia or Emily as “love”, but in the rare instance you said “my love” it was only ever directed to him. 

The idea of you liking him back had become an all consuming thought, but he was too terrified to ask you. What if Morgan was wrong? Profilers have been wrong before. He became petrified by the idea of asking you about it and possibly finding out his feelings were unrequited. But most of all, he was scared of losing you. Scared that if he brought it up he would make things awkward and ruin your friendship. He couldn’t lose you, not over something as trivial as his feelings. 

Unfortunately the mental toll this was taking on his mind started to show. Not so obvious that the everyday person would notice, but you weren’t an everyday person. You grew to know him like the back of your hand. So of course you started to notice the little changes in his behavior. His ever so slight flinch when you would initially touch him. His eyes which used to linger on you and catch your eyes from across the room, now focused almost anywhere you weren’t. The way his body froze when you placed a hand on his shoulder. The way his eyes partially widened when you called him anything other than his name. 

He tried to hide his worries from you, but you could tell something was bothering him. 

Something about you.

His overall behavior didn’t reflect that he was avoiding you or distancing himself from you. He still talked to you and acted around you like normal. Instead it felt like he was holding himself back from receiving or truly appreciating your affection the way he used to. 

~

Days had passed and the team was sent on a case. While this case was an emotional rollercoaster for everyone, it had affected you the most. The victims had reminded you of yourself and the unsub and all of his delusional reasoning for his actions had hit very close to home. 

The team caught the unsub and closed the case quite late in the evening. Everyone was exhausted after the grueling past few days and decided to spend the night at the hotel to rest and leave in the morning. You however, still felt an ache in your stomach from all the anxiety felt throughout the day. You couldn’t seem to relax and let that weight off your shoulders. So you went to the one person who could help.  

Spencer was getting ready to go to sleep, peacefully reading a book in bed when he got a knock on his door. He placed his book down and when he opened the door he was greeted by you in pajama pants and a zip up hoodie, clearly also winding down for the night. 

“Hey,” you greeted. 

“Hi, what’s up? Is everything okay?” he asked, a bit concerned as to why you showed up at his hotel so late at night. He opened the door wider signaling you were welcome inside. You entered the room and stuffed your hands in your pockets as he closed the door. 

“I’m okay I just …” you cleared your throat. “I know this case has been a tough one but today’s been really hard for me. I’m still wired and awake, I can’t seem to relax enough to go to sleep,” You abruptly stopped your rambling to catch your breath. 

“This might sound dumb but, I’m in desperate need of a hug right now,” you finally admitted quietly.

He hated seeing you so timid and closed off. How you made yourself smaller than you were, all because you were asking for your basic needs to be met. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself.” 

“Huh?” 

“You don’t have to explain why you need a hug. You can just ask,” he said reassuringly. 

“Oh.” 

“Physical contact has been shown to increase levels of dopamine, serotonin, and even oxytocin; therefore, decreasing levels of stress and anxiety. Some people might even argue that physical touch is a fundamental element of being human and experiencing life.” His other way of trying to validate your feelings was of course rambling a string of facts and information from his fingertips. 

You couldn’t help but smile. God he loved it when you smiled. 

“So is that a yes?” you asked since you never exactly got an answer from your question in the first place. Even though you knew what his answer was. 

The corners of his lips turned into a grin. “Come here,” he says with outstretched arms. 

You practically ran into him at his offer. He wrapped his arms around you as you placed yours around his neck. He wished this moment could last forever. All while at the same time Morgan's previous statements were circling around in his head. 

He tried his best to push them away. He tried to tell himself this was not you acting on any potential feelings for him. This was simply you reaching out to a friend in need. 

He took note of the way you held onto him so tightly, almost as if he could leave at any second. It made his heart ache. 

“You feel tired,” he almost whispered. 

“I am,” you mumbled back, face buried in his neck. 

“Do you wanna lie down?” 

You lightly patted him on the back, “Don’t worry I’ll leave you be and go to sleep soon. I just need a minute 

“I meant … I meant do you want to lie down here?” He stammered. “So you’re not alone. You seem like you need a friend right now.” 

His own heart almost cracks when he says friend. But that’s what you need right now, a friend. 

“I’d like that,” you said with a small smile. 

You separate from him and he leads you to the bed holding your hand. He sits down against the headboard and waits for you to join him. 

You awkwardly sit down on the bed, eyes darting in all directions of where he’s sitting. “I- what should I …” 

“You could sit down the way you do on the jet,” he kindly offers. 

You relax at his words and move to sit at his side. He wraps his arm around you as you rest your head against his shoulder. You both sat there in a moment of silence, enjoying eachothers company. He was getting lost in the sweet smell of your perfume; the small bit of it that still lingers from the long day you’ve had. 

He started to recall all the times you two would be close like this. It didn’t happen very often. Sometimes on a long jet ride home from a long or stressful case. Or sometimes when the team went out for drinks and you would be tired from dancing. In the rare occasions you two were like this, you would tend to draw patterns on his arm or leg. 

So he decided to finally return the favor. With the arm he had wrapped around you, he started to dance his fingertips over your upper arm. 

He felt you practically melt into him at the action. If you could get any closer to him, you did. 

He continued tracing your arm with an overwhelming amount of care. It made you consider his previous actions compared to how welcome you were now in his arms. 

“Spencer, I’m gonna ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me,” you spoke with a hidden hesitation in your voice. 

“Of course I’ll be honest to you. I always will be,” he furrowed his brows at the thought of you being scared of him lying to you. 

You let out a small, almost shaky breath. “Am I clingy?” you murmured. 

This made his hand on your arm stop. He shifted his sitting position so he could face you better but also didn’t want to let you out of his hold. 

“No, never,” he told you with assurance. “Why would you think you’re clingy?” 

He saw you hesitate once more before you gave him your reply. “I was just overthinking things. Worried I was taking the physical contact thing too far or that I’m a bit too affectionate at times.“

“Why would you be worried? You’d never take things too far. You’ve always been respectful of other people’s boundaries.” 

You sighed with a shaky breath. He could practically see through you and see you considering your response. 

“Because I thought I was making you uncomfortable.” you looked down to avoid his gaze. 

He was quiet for a second, absolutely baffled as to how you would think you could ever make him uncomfortable. “Why?” His question was a barely audible whisper.  

“You seemed different. All of a sudden you would freeze when I touched you. You became jumpy and skittish when I talked to you. I thought I was too much for you but you didn’t want to tell me about it.” 

You shifted away to face him and his hand fell from your arm. You fidgeted with the sleeves of your hoodie as your face went blank. 

“You could never be too much for me,” he spoke with a soft voice. He tried to reach his hand out to hold yours but your hand disappeared in your sleeve at his touch. 

“Then why were you different all of a sudden?” You narrowed your eyes at him. 

His cheeks started to turn pink, “I- I wasn’t.” 

“Yes you were.” 

“Y/N please,” he begged. 

“Spencer,” you whispered as your eyes bore into his. “You said you’d be honest with me.” 

He licked his lips and his face turned red. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He couldn’t find an escape route. He had no choice but to tell you. And once the flood gate opened, he would never be able to close it. 

“I was freaking out,” he blurted. 

“I was freaking out because Morgan implanted this idea in my head that you might possibly have feelings for me based on the way you act around me. I’ve been obsessed with that thought since he mentioned it. So I freaked out almost every time you touched me, talked to me, even looked at me,” he rambled on anxiously as he tried to explain himself. No holding back now. 

“I tried not to let it change my behavior but I guess it did and I am so sorry for that. I never wanted to give you the impression that I was uncomfortable. To be honest I don’t think you could ever make me uncomfortable” 

You were silent for a moment. He couldn’t read your reaction. Your eyebrows slightly raised with your lips parted. He could only see surprise, which was typical, he just didn’t know if this kind of surprise was good. 

“Why were you so obsessed with the idea of me having feelings for you?” 

He could’ve sworn his heart was going to beat out of his chest at any moment. 

“Because I think I’m falling in love with you.”

 Here we go. Flood gates. 

“The idea you might like me back became an all consuming thought because I never before thought it was possible and I never wanted to get my hopes up. Actually, I pretty much think about you all the time so it wasn’t that far from normal. ” 

“You’re falling in love with me?” you asked barely above a whisper. 

“Yes,” he spoke softly with full confidence. 

The only change to your appearance was your eyes widened a bit more. It made Spencer's heart sink to his stomach. 

“Listen, I understand if this makes things weird between us and I am so sorry. I just couldn’t ..”

He couldn't finish his thought, you were too busy locking your lips with his. It was a sweet but cautious kiss, almost as if you were testing the waters in uncharted territory. You felt him freeze against you so you leaned away, breaking from the kiss. 

Not even seconds later Spencer placed a hand on your face and was diving back into the kiss with fervor. You instantly reacted as your arms found their way around his neck and your hand was digging in his hair. The kiss was intoxicating. Both of you trying to get a taste of the other after what felt like eons of pinning. 

He wrapped his arms around your waist while his one hand snuck up to the small of your back where your hoodie had exposed your skin. It sent a shiver up your spine while you let out a shaky breath against his lips. You tried shifting in your seat to somehow get closer to him. With his hands against your waist he helped guide you to sit in his lap straddling him. 

When you finally break from the kiss your faces are red and Spencer rests his forehead against yours. You focus on the sound of his breath and the feeling of your heart practically beating in your ears. 

Your hand moves to play with the hairs at the nape of his neck. “I guess I didn’t do a very good job at showing I had feelings for you.” 

The corners of his mouth lift up into a giddy smile. “No, you did. I’m just oblivious.”

“Sounded like you were in denial,” you lightly teased. 

“That too,” he chuckles. 

After a moment of enjoying each other's presence, you pull away from him just far enough to look him in the eyes. 

“I know I call everyone pet names, but every time I used them with you, I wanted it to mean something more. Part of me would always hope you would one day call me those names back,” 

Spencer swore his heart could give out at any second. He never expected to hear this from you and it made him lightheaded.

“This may sound childish but.. I never craved attention so badly, until you gave me yours,” you added. 

He licked his lips and smiled. With his hands still on your waist he traced mindless patterns at your sides. “You have my complete and undivided attention, my love.”

His words made you giddy. You bit your lip to keep yourself from giggling. Although, he would never be opposed to hearing your beautiful laugh. 

There were no words to describe the way that you felt. So without thinking, you leaned forward once more to capture his lips with yours. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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