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clonerightsagenda · 5 years

Note

The epilogues look terrible and I don’t want to spend my time reading them... but I love + trust your judgement and your takes on things. Could you summarize them? (No pressure if you don’t want to)

OK, it’s been a few weeks since i read it, but I will do my best.NOTE: This is probably not comprehensive and definitely not objective. As a supplement, I did some poking around, and the MSPA wiki has some bullet points. I also eventually found another summary on tumblr, albeit by someone who also didn’t like it, so it is probably biased as well.

ANOTHER NOTE: Those content warnings weren’t a joke. Below are references to sexual content, assault, suicide, sexism, transphobia, character death, and probably some other stuff.

WHAT HAPPENED:

In the prologue, Rose summons John to inform him that he needs to defeat Lord English right now, or they will all experience terrible consequences. These are mostly meta consequences you can interpret as ‘if we don’t produce new Homestuck content on its 10th anniversary, everyone will give up on this franchise for real, and also canon doesn’t seem stable when the big bad never got beaten’. John goes to visit Roxy and Calliope before he leaves and is given the option to eat either meet or candy. This represents a choice he is supposed to make, and that choice creates two timelines.

In MEAT, John travels back in time and gathers three 16 year old versions of his friends. They confront Caliborn in the battle he represented in his Masterpiece and are sucked into the house juju. Vriska activates it, but not before being pulled into the black hole. Rose and Jade die immediately, with Rose’s body being destroyed and Jade’s falling into the black hole, because why should women get to fight the story’s biggest misogynist. Dave lands a solid hit on English before having his head bitten off Mami from PMMM style. John gets chomped on as well and a gold tooth ends up embedded in his chest. Davepeta appears and drags the wounded LE into the black hole. John finds his father’s wallet, retrieves his car, and slumps inside. Terezi appears, in bad shape after a long time wandering the ring. She seems confused at his state (explained because in CANDY she has been texting that version of him for years). She removes the tooth from his chest and they have sex.

Meanwhile, on Earth, Dave and Karkat have avoided talking about being a relationship for seven years, while Jade harasses them about becoming a threesome. This is explicitly tied to her abandonment issues but also she is referred to as a slut so like. Don’t love that. Jane is running for president, and Dave thinks this is terrible because she’s a woman fascist and doesn’t understand the economy and Karkat should run instead. Other shit is happening but I lost track. Rose is ill because she’s becoming her ‘Ultimate Self’ and seeing all timelines. Dirk claims he’s overcome the same problem and offers to help her but ends up controlling her and revealing he is the one actually writing this narrative. There is a bit where the narration starts addressing the reader directly and then turns orange which I admit is genuinely cool and might have been interesting if done with characters I didn’t actually care about.

Dirk amps up controlling the narrative, directly forcing people to do and think certain things. (For example, he sequesters Rose away in his workshop and tells Kanaya via narration she believes Rose is better off with him, and she uncomfortably agrees without understanding why she thinks that.) He supports Jane’s bid for the presidency, even though she wants to crack down on trolls because they are naturally violent and reproduce too fast. Everyone tries to get Jake’s endorsement because he’s popular, which includes Jane attempting to seduce him in a very uncomfortable scene.Then Jade slips into a nice coma, because it’s not Homestuck without Jade losing her agency, and alt!Calliope starts using her as an avatar to take control of the narrative away from Dirk. They have some back and forth arguments before he is pushed out which, again, is genuinely clever but would be more enjoyable without all the edgy bullshit. Dirk eventually tricks alt!Callie and sedates Jade, taking back control of the story. Jane wins the presidency. Also at some point Meat!Roxy and Callie ID as nonbinary and start using they/them, and narrator!Dirk freaks out about it and misgenders them a lot, which is character assassination bc everyone knows Dirk is a trans icon. Anyway. Dave and Karkat have an awkward talk about their relationship where they keep dancing around things and Dirk tries to force Dave to kiss him. Dave gets frustrated because he’s aware someone is trying to make him do something (like with the Aimless Renegade), and eventually yells at Dirk to get out of his head before kissing Karkat. Terezi brings John back to Earth, and he begins to fade, since apparently LE’s tooth was poisoned with something more powerful than god tier that makes you irrelevant. Possibly a meta commentary on the hero or story not being needed once the big bad is gone. Terezi is sad about this and listens to him bleed while she smells him die. Then Dirk contacts her via narration and implies he can help her. She gets a text (later revealed to be Vriska). Dirk gets a spaceship from Jake after forcing him via narration to grovel about how much he loves him and then rejecting him and flying away with Rose and Terezi in tow. Jade wakes up long enough to tell everyone Dirk’s gone bad before she gets repossessed and starts pointing in his direction, prompting everyone to give chase.

There is a final scene that will make more sense later, so I’ll add it later.

CANDY

John decides not to go fight LE. Roxy is delighted, and they began dating. Calliope tells John it is time to let Gamzee out of the fridge. Gamzee pops out and claims he is redeemed in a long speech making fun of sloppy redemption arcs. He then proceeds to be terrible for the rest of the story.Candy essentially satirizes Harry Potter epilogue style fics. Jane marries Jake (it’s implied she essentially roofies him with the trickster lollipop) and has Gamzee on the side. They have a son named Tavros. John and Roxy have a son named Harry. Rose and Kanaya adopt a troll clone of Vriska and name her Vriska. Jade, Karkat, and Dave are all dating, but Dave and Karkat are miserable. Dirk kills himself when he realizes the timeline went off kilter. Jade’s corpse from the Meat timeline crashes to earth, and in the middle of the funeral (which was genuinely a good scene) she sits up, possessed by alt!Calliope. Alt!Callie sequesters herself on the old meteor, now landed, and explains to Aradia and Sollux that this timeline is a dead end and she is protecting it from the influence of the prince. She also, in a parallel to Dirk’s reveal in Meat, talks about how every narrator has an agenda even if the text is formatted to make you not realize that.Jane becomes a fascist dictator and begins oppressing trolls. Karkat eventually get sick of being in a trio and runs off to be a resistance leader, including getting a sick eye patch (reference to Summer Teen Romance). Meenah stole the Ring of Life from Meat John and lands in the session; she and Karkat begin dating. Other ghosts begin falling from the sky as well, and Gamzee converts them to his redemption religion.John feels like something is really off. His only solace is texting Terezi a lot, and he seems closer to her than he is to his wife. He and Roxy break up for a while and then (non-romantically) reconcile. Jake eventually leaves Jane and takes Tavros with him. Jade and Dave become rebels as well, then Dave meets a hologram of Obama, who helps him attain his ultimate self, putting his soul in a new robot body.

Oh, also Vriska falls out of the sky, has hatesex with Gamzee, kills him, and then talks with Rose and Kanaya’s Vriska about how she loves Terezi. Then she texts her, as seen in the Meat timeline. Isn’t Vriska 13 and Gamzee an adult at this point? Probably. There’s a lot of questionable age stuff in this.

I’m sure I missed some details. Can you tell I’m losing steam.

Anyway, the two last chapters of each section reference the other storyline. At the end of Meat, Lord English’s body falls out of the sky, and alt!Callie (still in Jade’s body) devours it, becoming powerful enough to battle Dirk. Candy!Davebot arrives and he and Aradia jump into the black hole in pursuit.At the end of Candy, Dirk’s ship nears a new planet where he intends a new game of SBURB to be played. Rose is in a robot body serving as his handmaid essentially, and Terezi’s also on board.

TAKEAWAYS:

There are a lot of different interpretations of the epilogue. A mockery of the two extremes of fanfic. Andrew Hussie continuing the theme of ‘all authors are tyrants by nature’ and using his self-insert to display how he hates his own story but also can’t stop telling it. Dirk trying to create conflict by making himself a villain because otherwise they’ll lose relevance and disappear. Musing on how being arbitrarily labeled 'grown up’ when you’re not ready (aka handed godhood by a game that doesn’t understand people) can fuck you up, and there is no single winning screen in life. Just a big old meta experiment on unreliable narrators. I can see where some of this is coming from, but frankly, I found it disturbingly sexist (even if it is intended to be so for effect). A lot of the sex and violence felt over the top and graphic just to be #ow the edge rather than serving any narrative purpose. Also, authors can do what they want with their texts, and they’re allowed to write tragedies, but after Hussie’s self-insert informs Caliborn that the most important stories are about friendship and teamwork and the fandom (that I’ve seen anyway) really responding to the bonds between characters, it felt cruel. That’s my feeling. Not everyone shares it. But hey, I’ve got my solution.

#Anonymous #homestuck//#bluh bluh huge bitching alert

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gamzee-the-capricious-fanfic · 5 years

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Chapter 2

Note: seizure’s start in this chapter, I’m not an expert on seizures by any means I just looked on WebMD, by no means am I going to glorify them either.

A week passes before you know it. Luckily for you you have had no incidents since then and have been feeling pretty good. You have one more week before classes start and Karkat has been nagging at you to go get the supplies you will need. You decide that today is the day you will finally do as he asks. Unfortunately he had things to do today so you will just have to go out on your own. What could go wrong?

You get ready in the community bathroom that you share with one other room, the one John, Eridan, Equis, and Sollux share. You were just getting out of one of the showers in the shower block, towel wrapped around your waist when Dave walks in. He is shirtless wearing only some red boxers. You notice that he has twin scars on his chest. You figure you’d best not ask about it,some people don’t like to be reminded of their scars. You wave at him awkwardly, you are not really used to this community bathroom thing. He yawns and half heartedly waves back, he looks like he just got up. You head into one of the small curtained dressing rooms and get dressed. After completing the rest of your morning routine you decide it is time to head out.

You exit the dorm building, you have essentially two options to get supplies at. There was an on-campus store or you could go into the city to buy supplies. You really would like to get out and explore a little so you decide you want to go out into the city. You pull out your phone and look for nearby stores you should go to. Luckily there is a store not to far out, it would take you longer to get to than the on-campus store but whatever. Not like you have anything else to do. And so you head out, walking leisurely off to the city.

You follow your phone’s directions for a few blocks. You notice that you are getting a few stares, you guess that not a lot of trolls venture off of campus so the humans may not be used to seeing you. It doesn’t really bother you too much though. Your phone directs you through an alleyway. It kind of looks a little sketchy to you but you aren’t one to be too cautious. Besides, you are from a very violent planet, not much can really take you down. And so you head down the alley.

As you head on you were paying more attention to your phone than your surroundings. You hear people in front of you and look up to see two humans holding knives up towards you. You are not too concerned, by all means you are considerably stronger than two humans. You decaptchalogue one of your clubs and give the humans a very bored look. You are hoping to just intimidate them so you don’t have to hurt anyone. They don’t seem perturbed so you take a step towards them then suddenly there is a loud crack and a sharp pain in your skull and everything goes black.

You don’t know how long you have been out but when you come to you are pissed. Your head throbs painfully and when you touch the back of your head your hand comes away with blood on it. Not ideal. You look around and the humans are nowhere to be seen. You quickly check your pockets. You find your room key and sigh with relief, Karkat would have killed you if you lost that. You freeze though, your sopor pills, they are gone. You groan and curse under your breath, you wouldn’t have cared if they stole money but of course they had to steal your pills. It would be days before you could get any more. Very shitty days. You decide that you best not go to the store with your head bleeding as it was, guess you have to go back and tell Karkat the bad news. You mutter a few more vulgarities under your breath before you get up and head back.

“What the fuck Gamzee!” Just as you imagined Karkat is full blown ranting at you about you being irresponsible and stupid. You just wince as his shrill shouting makes your head pound even more. While Karkat is yelling at you he is wrapping up your head wound. It didn’t seem like it was too bad he had said. Finally it appears he has tired himself out on the whole shouting thing. He sighs.

“You should have just gone to the on-campus store Gamzee.”

“I know, I just wanted to go out and see something more than just the campus Kar.”

He sighs. “I know that, but still you should have gone at least in a group. Not all humans are so keen on us being here.”

He had probably mentioned that at some point before you had arrived here but you probably weren’t listening. You bite your lip and fidget a bit, you still haven’t told him the worst part.

“So..uh.. I may have uh, had my pills stolen.”

You get ready for a second rant but there is only silence. You look at Karkat surprised. He looks alarmed.

“Gamzee, that is seriously not good. You haven’t gotten far enough to just stop taking the pills. This isn’t a case of you just feeling like shit for a few days this is like you could get seriously sick.”

“I know Kar, but there isn’t much I can do about it now.” You’ve resigned yourself that you are going to have a rough week.

“God, guess I’m going to have to waste my week taking care of you huh.”

You wince at that. You didn’t mean to cause him so much trouble.

“Hey, I was joking, chill Gamzee. You ought to know by now that I’m in this for the long run. I got your back and you got mine. You’ll just have to owe me big time.” He laughs trying to cheer you up.

You only feel slightly better.

You spend the next three days with uncontrollable shakes and an inability to keep any food down. Even when you didn’t have anything left in your stomach you would still be curled up in the bathroom dry heaving. It would be an understatement to say you were feeling miserable. As per his word Karkat stayed by your side through it all. If you didn’t appreciate him enough before now you couldn’t appreciate him more. He was there to rub your back when you were stuck in the bathroom heaving. He was there to help you drink water when your hands were shaking too bad to hold any sort of cup. He even let you stay in his bed with him, more out of the fact that it was easier to run to the bathroom being the underbunk rather than for comfort. Although you still did appreciate the comfort though. You never really had this when you were younger, you had no one to take care of you and so you were so very appreciative that Karkat was doing this for you.

On the fourth day was when it happened. You had your first seizure. You don’t remember what happened. You were talking to Karkat and Tavros one second then you felt your body lock up and the next thing you knew you were in the hospital with a very scared looking Karkat.

“Where the fuck… Wait Karkat why do you look so scared. What happened? How did we get here? Motherfuck when did we get here?”

Tears started running down Karkat’s face and it took him a few tries to speak.

“Y-you were-- I-I..” He starts crying harder. “Gamzee you fucking scared me. Y-you were fine one second and then you like froze a-a-and then you were on the ground a-and..” He starts sobbing unable to keep talking.

You grab his hand and pull him towards the hospital bed you were laying in, you embrace him and he sobs for a few minutes before he gets a hold of himself. You hold him and purr deep in your chest soothing him. You have never seen him like this before. Instead of being concerned about yourself you are more concerned for him.

“The uh” he sniffles. “The doctors say that you had a seizure. I-I told them about how you’ve been going through withdrawal and everything and they said that could have caused it. B-but it could also have been caused by your head injury, or maybe even both for all we know.”

He rubs at his puffy red-rimmed eyes. You feel very calm despite the news, you don’t know if it is because of whatever they got pumping into your veins.

“Hey, I’ll be ok Karbro, I got the best moirail in the world to take care of me.”

He kind of laughs at that but then looks serious again.

“I’m still worried about you Gamzee. This isn’t really a laughing matter. This could affect you for the rest of your life you know that right?”

You nod. “I know bro.”

Just then the doctor comes in and re-explains everything to you again. He gives you a prescription for an anti-seizure medication. He does mention that it is not fool-proof however and that you need to be careful. He recommends avoiding flashing lights especially. The doctor also gives you a prescription for your withdrawal symptoms, he said it isn’t like the sopor pills or anything and it will only provide you some relief but he believes it will help you keep food down at least. You have to stay in the hospital for a few more hours under observation so Karkat leaves to go get your prescriptions filled. While he is gone Tavros comes by. He also cries quite a bit but when he calms down you and him have an impromptu rap off. To anyone else it could be described as absolutely awful but you had a good time.

A few days later you finally get your school supplies from the on-campus store. Ever since your seizure Karkat has been watching you like a hawk not letting you go anywhere without someone else accompanying you. It should probably bother you but you had a tendency to follow Karkat around like a lost barkbeast anyway. Otherwise you spent your time with Tavros when Karkat was busy or if he got annoyed by you following him around. You weren’t really sure what else to do other than that. Ever since you and Karkat became moirails he has kind of dictated your life in a way. At this point you would feel very lost without him. You can’t imagine things going back the way they were with you alone and isolated. You don’t really want to remember those days either.

You sigh bored out of your mind. You’ve been left alone in the room, the only place you are allowed alone. Everyone had things to do and well, no one really wanted you trailing after them. Even Tavros. You frown at that, it had kind of hurt that he had insisted that you not go with him. You hope you hadn’t been super annoying to the point he didn’t want to be around you. You sit up in your bed feeling antsy. You don’t really want to go down that thought hole. You climb out of the bunk and pace feeling more and more agitated. The room starts to feel really small and constricting and you start hyperventilating a bit. You want to leave, but if you do Karkat will be disappointed and with everything he has put up with lately you don’t want to make him upset with you. A soft whine escapes your throat. You feel very lightheaded so you sit against the wall trying to reign in your breathing. You can’t seem to catch you breath no matter what you do. You start panicking and then, nothing.

You are not sure how long you were gone. You groan, you must have had another seizure caused by your little episode. Your head was throbbing. It took you a minute to remember where you were, then you noticed someone was pounding on the door. You try to get up but your first try failed, you hadn’t noticed that you your body ached so much so the pain surprised you. Once you manage to sit up you realized you had thrown up when you were out, guess you were lucky you didn’t drown in your own vomit. You cringe a little, then you remember someone is at the door. You throat hurt so bad that you couldn’t speak to try to let whoever was knocking that you were trying to get to the door. You struggle to stand up and after what feels like forever you manage to get on your feet. You start taking careful steps towards the lounge and the dorm room door beyond that. Once you reach the threshold of the lounge you hear who is at the door.

“Highblood, er, Gamzee, please come to the door if possible. I really don’t want to have to break it down. I’m giving you a minute then I’m going to be forced to break in.” Equius sounds nervous at that last part. He was always one for rules.

You try to speak but it just ain’t happening. By the time you reach the door you are panting, your body doesn’t seem to want to work with you. You open the door to Equius who looked like he was just about to knock the door down. Guess you were cutting it close then. Equius looks at you surprised, He looks down at your sweat slicked face then at your vomit covered shirt.

“Ah uh, I um heard you scream and I came to investigate.” He avoids mentioning your appearance.

You guess that is why your throat hurts so much. You don’t remember screaming though, weird. You know you should be taking this more seriously but right now your head is all fuzzy and it is hard to think.

Equius swallows looking very uncomfortable and sweaty. “Do you need assistance?”

You shake your head, you really didn’t want to deal with Equius and his awkwardness. You aren’t sure if he looks relieved or disappointed but after a moment of hesitation he nods and heads back to his dorm room next door. You imagine he is going to send a message to Karkat. You sigh, just what you wanted, to burden your moirail more. You stumble back to the bedroom, you need to change your shirt. You manage to pull it off without getting vomit on yourself, you consider that a win. You use a clean part of the shirt to wipe your face in case your face is a mess too. You consider using to shirt to try to clean the mess off the floor but you think it won’t cut it. You toss the disgusting shirt into your laundry basket, you will worry about that later. You put on a clean shirt then grab one of your towels to try to clean the floor. You are very glad that the room doesn’t have carpet or this would be much more difficult.

You are just finishing cleaning the floor when Karkat comes barging in. You try your best to act nonchalant.

“Uh, how was your day best bro?” You aren’t really looking at him somewhat afraid of facing him.

You definitely set him off, not the greatest idea it seems. “How am I doing??? HOW AM I DOING!!!?? I don’t know, how would you expect me to be doing after hearing that my moirail had a seizure and puked all over himself!”

You wince at that, it is not like it was on purpose. You don’t say anything, you just stay sitting where you were cleaning and stare down at the floor refusing to look up at Karkat. He waits, you know he is waiting for some kind of answer from you and he won’t be content until you say something. You don’t want to make him more mad so you respond as best as you can considering your voice.

“I dunno…” It was very quiet, you were only able to manage a whisper but Karkat heard you.

“I feel like shit! Why did I even think you would be safe being alone in the room!”

You bite your lip hard, making it bleed. You are getting panicky again. You really don’t want to have another seizure so soon. You stop hearing what Karkat is yelling. Your breathing becomes erratic but Karkat doesn’t notice. You know it’s going to happen and you open your mouth to try to choke out anything to warn Karkat but you are unable to. You can’t hear, you can’t speak. You’re struggling to breathe and then your vision cuts out and you black out.

When you wake up you don’t remember where you are. You don’t remember who the worried looking troll with nubby horns is. You feel really confused. Why are you on the floor?

“Gamzee, hey, come on buddy are you awake.” He snaps in front of your face and you wince. He looks relieved. “Oh, good, your responsive. I was really fucking worried Gamzee!”

You strain to speak and you manage: “Who are you?”

Karkat’s relieved smile vanishes. “You… Gamzee that’s not funny!”

You just look at him confused. He knows your name so you must know him but it makes your head hurt to try and remember. Karkat starts to realize that you are not joking. Now he is the one that looks panicked. You manage to sit up with a groan.

“Ok, Ok, we can figure this out!” He looks unsure, though you would too in his shoes you suppose. “What is the last thing you remember? M-maybe you might remember everything if you focus on that!”

You try to speak but it just isn’t happening. Karkat realizes and goes to his bed and grabs a pen and notebook and practically shoves it in your hands. You try to think and figure out what the last thing you remember was. Your head feels like a jumbled ball of memories, they flit through quickly but you know they are not in order and it confuses you more. You try to focus harder then you start to pull together what you last remember and you write.

“I remember coming to a school, It was with friends but.. I don’t, I can’t see their faces.” Your headache comes back. That sharp throbbing pain that happened last ti-- wait. Last time? Last time what? You drop the pen and notebook and grip your head. You-- You have been having seizures yes. And you just had one. Why? There was a reason, you remember feeling stressed and panicky, someone was yelling. Your best friend yeah. Your moirail. But, who? Who was it? Something with a K. Kar… ugh your head pounds again but you feel like you are close. Karkat. Suddenly you remember where you are and who your friends are. You grab the pen and notebook and sloppily write:

“I remember, Karkat I’m so sorry.”

You feel horrible. How could you forget them? How could you forget Karkat? You can’t stop the tears that come running down your face. You are horrible. Only a horrible person would forget their friends. You try to choke back a sob and suddenly Karkat is hugging and shooshing you. You are quickly a whimpering sobbing mess, each sound you make is agony but you can’t hold it back.

“Gamzee, it’s ok, it’s ok.” He keeps repeating that. But it is not.

#chapter 2

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bladekindeyewear · 5 years

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Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 11 - Candy Page 12

==>

Alright, looks like Jake and Jane had an active night and now Jake’s going to distance himself again.

Yeah you’re pretty afraid of closing this distance with Jane. You REALLY don’t want it, do you?

JANE: Lighten up Jake! The election’s off! The economy is stable! Dirk is probably never going to talk to us ever again! And we just... we finally fucked. Hoo hoo hoo!

Okay seeing that “Hoo hoo hoo!” at the end of the sentence makes it really fucking uncomfortable somehow.

Something catches the corner of his eye, and he swivels his head around to see the Trickster Lollipop on his bedside table.

JANE I THOUGHT YOU WEREN’T GOING TO BE SUCH A SCUMBAG THIS TIME AROUND WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO????

far more sets of underwear than the number of people accounted for in the room.

Yeah that sounds about like what might happen with the lollipop thrown in.

Okay at least it was Jake’s idea??? that makes it... ALMOST... better... but not really..??

Oh God, and Jake just does the pushover thing and rolls with it only because he thinks he SHOULD, not because he wants to. Fuck.

==>

Mhmm. There’s always a thick sense that “what would Bro tell me to do” was thick in everything Dave did hanging over him like a shadow. Interesting that here it manifests as that Meta voice he was using in Meat or whatever.

Is Dirk even going to be there, or has he fled entirely?

Gamzee, what the fuck are you doing. Forceful character arc intervention? Is that what you did with Roxy somehow?

...is Gamzee toying with the narrative now that Dirk has fled or something??

...okay there’s some author worship going on or some such?

Dave how do you even know who Pagliacci is.

Okay there’s the Rose bot, and an ominous note. Suicide note? Self-Decapitation note, again? Hm.

==>

Epilogue Three

Okay, that’s some startlingly abrupt pathmaking toward suicide. I was warned that there was a vivid description of the leadup to suicide in Candy somewhere, so I’ll try to talk only lightly about it as I read.

Your legs feel impressively powerful as you begin to climb the staircase

Nice Meat callback at least.

A flip of the cosmic coin has rendered your entire life completely inessential. What could you accomplish in a dead-end existence like this? There are no stakes. No meaningful challenges. No structures or themes—only residual chemical reactions in a dying brain, a physical system’s obligate compulsion to exhaust its own lingering momentum. A cockroach with its head cut off, waiting to die of thirst.

Wow, yeah, you REALLY can’t stand living in a world where you don’t hold some sort of Light-y relevance, can you? So much so that you were willing to steal Light away from the story entirely just to have more to carry with you in the flipside. Is this supposed to sort of embody the comeuppance you didn’t get in the other half, the way you’re offing yourself here? Weird.

Your friends might derive some sense of fulfillment from satisfying the elementary obligations of self-preservation and self-propagation, but there’s nothing here for you. It doesn’t matter anymore.

HOW ABOUT LIVING HAPPY LIVES AND NOT GETTING STUCK IN COMAS YOU ASSHOLE

Seriously, that whole Meat part, the... the four things I really couldn’t stand being left with were Jane’s fate, Jade’s situation, ROSE’s unenviable situation, and Dirk being allowed to escape without consequence. Three of my favorite characters left on doomed paths or basically IN COMAS, constantly having their agency quashed by others or forced away from anything that could have corrected their disastrous path (Jane’s) by Dirk’s meddling. A line being drawn in the sand that clearly stated CANON ENDS HERE, before any of them could wake up or stop FUCKING SUFFERING. Jesus Christ. I just wanted some loose ends tied up by this epilogue, I didn’t need the characters’ POSSIBLE HAPPINESS to be left unresolved with a likely “NO” as the answer??!??? THEY DIDN’T COME ALL THIS WAY AND SACRIFICE AND WIN FOR JUST THAT! DIRK STOLE THE FUCKING ULTIMATE REWARD FROM THEM OUT OF NOWHERE!

*breathes*

FUCK. So, yeah, on to seeing Dirk either die or get stopped by Dave somehow because he still needs him or whatever.

Ew, self-decapitation indeed. You narcissistic fuck.

When you think so little of yourself as a moral character, any act of self-termination will result in a death that is Just.

Huh. So that influences the way the clock judges you, hm?

==>

A damn funeral, huh.

He looks at Roxy, who is staring at the floor, rather beside herself in grief.

Oh thank goodness, a glimpse at her line to Gamz had me thinking she was in weird happy-stuck Candy mode still, that would have fucked this scene a bunch.

...IS Dave really more eloquent than you, though?

Dave’s long speech--

Oh my gosh I just realized during this speech how UTTERLY FUCKED of Andrew people must have thought this Dirk suicide section was if they chose Candy FIRST. Jesus dick.

End of speech. Jane, stop being so remarkably fucking composed. Unless Dirk’s plans and machinations really hurt you as much as you let on when you expressed seemingly-mock excitement that you’d “never hear from him again”.

Fuck you Gamzee.

ROXY: BRAVO!!! DAMN I FEEL LIKE IF I NEVER HEARD ANOTHER WORD THIS GUY EVER SAID THATD BE FINE BECAUSE THAT WAS ALL JUST SO *PERFECT*

Thanks for coming to your senses Roxy, better late than never I guess.

Dave dips down so that their noses are bumping. Karkat’s eyes are so wide it’s amazing they don’t pop out. For a moment, it looks like they’re going to...

John sneezes.

Oh COME ON, John. :(

JOHN: i have no idea why i did that. now i have this whole memory in my head that i could have definitely lived without.

Me after reading the Meat epilogue.

Huh, offering to undo the death. That IS potentially a little bit insensitive, as obvious and necessary a question it is to ask, even if the answer is no.

DAVE: dirk was a complicated guy DAVE: dude obviously had reasons for doing what he did DAVE: if you go back and just rewrite his decision DAVE: thats like denying him his personal autonomy

Exactly.

A courtesy that Dirk, funny enough, wouldn’t have given anyone else. The fucking prick.

--Yep, they’re too far outside of canon for his retcon powers to work anymore. Rose told him on the last day he could.

Roxy what the hell are you doing.

ROXY: we should get hitched

No, you should ANSWER WHY YOU LEFT CALLIOPE HANGING and THEN decide LIKE ADULTS to do whatever you all feel like doing. This isn’t legitimate if you’re HIDING most of the situation in Voidy shadow! If you really DO want this, then do it properly and HONESTLY!!!!

JOHN: you... JOHN: LOVE me?? ROXY: yea john i love you ROXY: wanna marry u and spend the rest of my life with u and pop out a bunch of cute lil buck toothed babies with you JOHN: oh, uh. haha, wow. roxy that’s um. JOHN: that’s a LOT.

Yeah, this isn’t how it should go. WOULD go. Something’s seriously wrong with Roxy right now and I hope John figures out how to bring them to the forefront so they can come to an honest decision.

Just a few weeks ago, Roxy was happy with Calliope, and now she wants to have his babies? John feels like he’s missing something important here, like he went for a bathroom break during the part of the movie where the plot twist happens.

Exactly. And you haven’t even had time to process how you feel about HER again. If something’s off, make it NOT off before you say yes.

Roxy practically attacks John’s mouth, she’s so excited. John shuts his eyes and kisses her back, still giddy and laughing against her lips. She kisses him until they’re both breathless, then pulls back so that she can gaze at him with glittering eyes.

ROXY: omg ROXY: were gonna be SO freakin happy!

Yyyyeah, THAT was ominous. Someone’s definitely fucking with this situation behind the scenes. ...Maybe Roxy’s been hitting the Lollipop too when the camera’s away from her?

==>

Dammit, we skipped to the wedding without resolving ANY of their fucking issues first. This is bad.

--oh my god we skipped to months PAST the wedding too.

JOHN: jane and jake are kinda, um, together now. TEREZI: OH GOD JOHN: and she basically ordered jake to catch the bouquet “or else.” JOHN: i was seriously afraid for him. and then he didn’t even catch it!

Jane. Jane, come the fuck on.

Can’t we get ONE TIMELINE where Jane doesn’t end up terrible???? D:

JOHN: yeah. they’re all dating. JOHN: or rather... jade is dating them both. JOHN: dave and karkat haven’t... exactly figured things out yet. JOHN: and as much as i love jade, i don’t actually think she’s helped matters by putting herself in the middle of it. TEREZI: HMM >:[ TEREZI: SOM3HOW TH4T DO3SNT S33M R1GHT JOHN: i know.

Jade, you can’t force these things!!!

Can’t we get ONE TIMELINE where Jade doesn’t end up unhappy???? D:

JOHN: now i have to pretend to laugh and think it’s funny when she makes jokes about being the next to “tie the knot.” TEREZI: WOW D1D SH3 R34LLY GO FOR TH4T DOUBL3 3NT3NDR3 JOHN: what? TEREZI: WH4T JOHN: what do you mean? TEREZI: N3V3R M1ND

Jegus Christ. Terezi, WHY did you have to go there. I’ve seen enough nsfw RP to know exactly the fuckery you’re alluding to with Jade, NO.

JOHN: things’ll probably work out with those three anyway. things always work out between old friends. JOHN: we’ve all known each other for too long for anything to cause a permanent rift.

Fucking allusions to the Meat section... D:

...okay, babies time. There are babies. Or at least one Roxy pregnancy and that earlier Vriskgrub.

TEREZI: 1T JUST S33MS... K1ND4 F4ST

YES, YES IT DOES.

TEREZI: 1 4LR34DY H34RD 4BOUT HOW J4N3 1S D4T1NG BOTH J4K3 *4ND* G4MZ33 4ND UNFORTUN4T3LY 1 DO B3L13V3 1T

What the FUCK is going on. Who’s manipulating everyone. Gamzee maybe??

TEREZI: H4H4H4 1 HOP3 YOU H4V3NT S33N TH3 P1CTUR3 D4V3 TOOK JOHN: dave has a picture?! JOHN: wait, never mind. i don’t want to know, and i definitely don’t want to see it.

Yeah that’s a cursed image if I ever heard of one

JOHN: so, what did you think, talking to dave and karkat? JOHN: did they seem... happy? TEREZI: NOP3 JOHN: oh my god, i KNOW, right? JOHN: the whole thing is such a mess, it’s hard to be in the same room with them these days. JOHN: i don’t even know the full story because dave won’t talk to me about it anymore, and jade seems to think that everything’s going just fine.

Dammit Jade, you forced your way in too early!!! D:

And why can’t Andrew at least PRETEND to give us a slight, fishing-line-thin possibility that Jade might POSSIBLY have any sort of chance at an endgame workable romance with ANY OF HER GOSH DARN FRIENDS AT ALL???????

>:(

I just want Jade to be happy okay jegus

TEREZI: 4 TRU3 K1SM3S1S 1S JUST 4S MUCH YOUR L1F3 P4RTN3R 4S YOUR M4T3SPR1T 1S

Interesting quadrant talk

TEREZI: TH3 PO1NT OF 4 K1SM3S1S 1S NOT JUST TO M4K3 YOU 4NNOY3D OR 3V3N 4NGRY TEREZI: TH3Y SHOULD PUSH YOU TO B3TT3R YOURS3LF TEREZI: TH3Y SHOULD SH1N3 4 L1GHT ON TH1NGS 4BOUT YOURS3LF YOU WOULD OTH3RW1S3 1GNOR3 OR D3NY

EXACTLY. I’ve been saying that about good black relationships for years. And Jade’s plowing in and fucking things up without really making things ANY better AT ALL for anyone but herself, and only temporarily and in her own head at that. :(

TEREZI: 1F 1 W3R3 3V3R TO DO BL4CKROM 4G41N, 1T WOULD H4V3 TO B3 LOW K3Y

Yeah, really pushing at what happens in Meat and stuff.

I love Terezi’s text-emote faces.

==>

Page 17... Someone told me to watch out for “Candy 18″ without any elaboration or context, so maybe I’ll split the post after this page so I can get to that one fresh? Hm!

My stomach is down to a low anxious simmer, so that’s good compared to before. Maybe reading this whole Candy thing isn’t going to be so bad. I can’t believe I’m not even halfway through.

He’s not sure why he feels the need to hide the fact that he’s talking to her.

Dammit, John.

It should be a beautiful image, but something about it roils John’s gut.

???

Is he catching on to some weird manipulation going on behind the scenes with his own metatextual awareness or?

Yep, Harry Anderson, heh.

He was. What’s bugging him about it is that Roxy didn’t seem to have any suggestions of her own.

YEAH THAT’S A HUGE GODDAMN RED FLAG RIGHT THERE. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO EVERYONE.

...Oh, huh. Now John’s having a bit of panic about how everyone suddenly feels like things are completely resolved with Lord English when they aren’t. And how Rose seems almost HYPNOTIZED into not worrying about it, along with many of the rest of them.

The three gals in the room exchange a series of concerned glances. Do they truly think he’s crazy? Are they hiding something from him? John can feel himself trembling. It’s not possible that he’s remembering this wrong, is it? It can’t be. If he presses his eyes shut, he can still see the lines of the black hole cracking space apart around him. It seemed like such a big deal at the time, and then suddenly it felt like nothing at all. Why?

Are they, though? Do they know they’re in a split timeline of sorts, or...?

You’re the ones not doing okay, he nearly shouts, but then realizes it’s just going to make him sound crazier than he already looks.

Yeah this is all cracking at the seams.

ROXY: oh of course that makes sense

ROXY YOU’RE NOT THIS BRAINLESS WAKE THE FUCK UP

Hm, looks like John’s not as comfortable on the placid planet as he is with someone giving him SOME sort of broader purpose. A lot like Dirk, but LESS FUCKED.

JOHN: i’ve got a beautiful wife who loves me, but it’s not enough. i can’t even talk to her about what we’re going to name our stupid kid without it turning into some weird thing where she just goes along with whatever i want. JOHN: even when all i want is for her to want something different than what i want!!!

It’s like Steven stuck in Rose’s Room with that Connie clone, SU-ways.

Alright, clicking the next button and starting page 18 in the next post.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #Upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots

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thelifetimechannel · 6 years

Text

JAKE: Hello there ms kanaya! KANAYA: Hello KANAYA: Jake Right JAKE: Thatd be me! The one and only! JAKE: Or the one and only now haha. JAKE: So uh... weve not had a chance to talk yet. JAKE: Cool chainsaws? KANAYA: Thanks KANAYA: I Had A Lot Of Time To Alchemize More And Better Chainsaws During My First Session KANAYA: It Was A Good Way To Be Passive Aggressive I Think JAKE: If you displayed them on your wall itd make for one hell of a first impression. Imagine being like the dad in the movies whos sitting on the porch polishing his shotgun when his daughters new boyfriend comes over. JAKE: Though ive never heard of anyone displaying chainsaws in the first place... KANAYA: I Will Install Several Pedestals For That Exact Purpose With Tasteful Backlighting KANAYA: They Are Probably Too Heavy To Hang On Most Walls I Wouldnt Want To Cause An Accident JAKE: I say go for it! I think it sounds like the bees pajamas. KANAYA: I Dont Know About The Fashion Predilections Of Insects But Alright KANAYA: I Dont Think Youll Need To Display Weapons Provocatively To Intimidate Potential Suitors If Reports Of Your Recent Activities Are To Be Believed KANAYA: Our Hope Hero Styled Himself Formidable But I See Now He Barely Scratched The Surface Of The Aspects Capabilities KANAYA: Most Of Which I Accidentally Awoke In Him Anyway KANAYA: Which Is A Lesson To Never Be Facetious If Youre Not Willing To Put Up Your Dukes About It So To Speak JAKE: Yeah i learned that the hard way. JAKE: Sometimes you really do just need to tell your problems to fuck off! Whether or not you actually punch them in the face. KANAYA: I Am One Of An Elite Few Who Has Not Faced Off Against An "Evil Clone" Yet KANAYA: Im Almost Disappointed JAKE: Maybe some day? KANAYA: One Day I Enter My Hall Of Chainsaws Only To See One Pedestal Is Empty KANAYA: I Look Down The Hallway And See An Ominous Shadow Advancing KANAYA: The Shadow KANAYA: Its Me JAKE: Like youll get your own version of venom or manbat or something whos your vampire nature run amok! JAKE: ...i did hear correctly right that youre a vampire? KANAYA: Our Term Is Rainbow Drinker But The Idea Is The Same KANAYA: Im Trying To Reform JAKE: Aha. A vegetarian vam- er, rainbow drinker? KANAYA: Vegetables Are Pretty Great KANAYA: Ive Lived On Donations But The Whole Thing Is Kind Of Ridiculous KANAYA: The Sort Of Arrangement That Looks Intriguing And Romantic In Storybooks But In Real Life Is Kind Of A Pain In The Neck JAKE: Literally! KANAYA: I Walked Into That One Didnt I KANAYA: I Was Hoping We Could Edge Gingerly Around That Obvious Pitfall But Instead We Are Charging In At Full Speed JAKE: You made a dive for the window but alas that spotless pane was stronger than anticipated. KANAYA: Im Used To It KANAYA: The Individuals I Traveled With Would Leave No Conversational Stone Unturned Without Wresting Every Wriggling Wordplay Grub From Its Snug Cocoon JAKE: You were with dave and rose right? KANAYA: Yes KANAYA: And Karkat And Terezi KANAYA: And The Clown JAKE: I cant speak for your fellow aliens but for your human companions i daresay it runs in their family. JAKE: Roxy can do incredible things to typos so watch your spelling around her. KANAYA: Spelling Is An Important Part Of Our Brand On Alternia But Ill Watch My Step JAKE: I mean alien typing quirks is a concept im familiar with thanks to the cherubs. Im more talking about bungling the spelling of the words themselves. KANAYA: Understood KANAYA: If There Are Genetic Similarities Between That Group Does That Mean You Take After Those Dreaming On Prospit KANAYA: I Havent Interacted Much With John But I Did Help Guide Jade Through Her Breeding Session KANAYA: That May Not Be Long Enough To Establish True Closeness But Its My Best Frame Of Reference JAKE: As a matter of fact i do. JAKE: ...though the only time ive seen the planet with my own eyes was a few hours ago and i had higher priorities than enjoying the sights. JAKE: Like not leaving my soul flapping in the wind or beating the snot out of the maniac who stole its original getup. KANAYA: Ill Try To Draw Independent Conclusions Based On Your Behavior Rather Than Trying To Match You Up To Any Of Your Ancestors Or Descendants Then KANAYA: Im Not Used To Meeting This Many People KANAYA: Or Any People KANAYA: Fives Been A Crowd JAKE: A feeling i know very very well... JAKE: I mean i seem to remember you were there when we all came across each other in the dreambubbles! KANAYA: In The Dreambubbles KANAYA: ... KANAYA: You Were The One There When We Met The Empresss Previous Form KANAYA: The One Who KANAYA: Uh KANAYA: Attempted To Defeat Her Ghost In A Bout Of Fisticuffs JAKE: Yes. JAKE: That. JAKE: Haha... man that was embarassing in hindsight. KANAYA: If It Makes Any Difference She Was So Addled By The Revelation Of Her Tyrannical Supremacy I Dont Think She Noticed JAKE: Possibly. KANAYA: Actually It Provided Good Conversational Fodder KANAYA: Any Topic Becomes Stale Given Enough Sweeps To Mull It Over So New Stimulation Was Welcome KANAYA: When Dave And Rose Were Together She Frequently Tried To Draw Him Into Speculation About Your Characters KANAYA: He Never Liked To Engage For Some Reason JAKE: That was the first time id been around that many people in my life! JAKE: So i guess that added pressure to impress in a sense. KANAYA: I Grew Up Alone On An Oasis KANAYA: The First Time I Ran Into Crowds Was During This Game JAKE: Likewise! Except it was an island not an oasis. JAKE: That seems to be a trend doesnt it? KANAYA: Jade Told Me Something Similar KANAYA: Maybe Its Easier To Leave The World Behind Without A Second Thought If You Had Fewer Ties To It JAKE: I couldnt agree with you more though its sort of sad when you stop and think about it. JAKE: The game seems to take a lot of lonely chaps doesnt it? JAKE: Or... maybe it sets them up that way. KANAYA: Believe Me As Someone Charged With The Creation Of Life In Our New World The Prospect Weighs On Me KANAYA: Enough To Take Rose Up On An Offer Most Would Consider Suicidal KANAYA: But Then Most Of Her Schemes Are JAKE: O: JAKE: What is it rose is plotting? KANAYA: Oh Hasnt She Gotten To You Yet KANAYA: She Will KANAYA: Especially With Your Capabilities KANAYA: Im Not Clear On The Details Yet But Im Sure Those Will Come In Eventually KANAYA: Probably In The Heat Of The Moment If Our Other Adventures Are Any Indication KANAYA: Mostly It Involves Defying The Status Quo KANAYA: Which Is What Almost Everything She Has Done Since Ive Met Her Boils Down To JAKE: I mean she did help us get calliope back so if theres something she needs me to do id be happy to help lend a hand! KANAYA: I Believe Shes Intending To Bring It Up To The Group Once Weve Finished This Round Of Discussions KANAYA: So Youll Hear About It Then JAKE: Oh boy more mysterious plots. Look i may be a guy whos always eager for the next adventure or whatever but id like to propose a motion that we at least get a siesta first. JAKE: Three super over the top throwdowns in the space of a few hours tuckers a guy out! KANAYA: I Will Back You Up On That KANAYA: If We Bundle Her Up Well Enough She Will Be Unable To Escape And Will Be Forced To Give In To Relaxation JAKE: My grandma used to do that when i was a wee tyke and didnt want to go down for naps. KANAYA: Good Then Youre Familiar With The Technique JAKE: We just need a person three to four times her size and itll be a snap! JAKE: Oh hey jade can handle that. KANAYA: Now That I Have Restored Her First Guardian Abilities I Will Ask That Her First Action Be Restraining Rose For Her Own Good Before She Hurts Herself JAKE: Sounds like a smart idea but given what ive heard of her im not about to volunteer to be the first in her sights. KANAYA: Would Deaths Incurred Be Heroic KANAYA: Im New To These Rules JAKE: Im... not sure. JAKE: Perhaps its best not to chance it. KANAYA: Hopefully We Can Talk Her Into Taking A Short Break JAKE: Surely even a god tier has to take a load off every now and again. JAKE: Unless rose just runs on anarchic fervor and dreams. KANAYA: I Wouldnt Put It Past Her JAKE: Well calm her down and then help her out with her next revolution.

#tlcstuck #kanaya maryam #jake english #walkaround 4

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crystallinerage · 6 years

Text

Road Trip to Confession City

I wrote something, wow. Its just a classic meteorstuck davekat fic. Anyway I’m not fantastic at writing so feedback is appreciated.(Alt title: Dave Stole Fizzy Lifting Drinks)

The air on the meteor is calm, sedated almost. You and Karkat are just kind of chilling in Can Town, sitting just a little closer than would be considered normal back on Earth, you notice. You tell yourself not to worry about it, Earth's dead, and so are all the bullshit social rules that came with it. So who cares about what would have been okay on Earth, right? But, it doesn't stop the dusting of pink that creeps up your neck and onto your ears from just the thought of being so close.

Shit, come to think of it your hands are almost touching. So close that you could just reach over a little and close the space between you. You don't though. It would be too weird.

Karkat's occupied, scribbling doors and windows onto some cans to make buildings, and rambling about some movie the two of you watched a few nights ago. You're responding, but you have no idea what's coming out of your mouth. You must have said something funny though, because Karkat turns to you and laughs in a way that when you had gotten to the meteor you didn't think he was capable of. It's just so... soft and real.

It slowly dawns on you that you have to do something. Anything, just to get something out to tell him. You don't know if you're ready for this. Or if he is either. Or what you're going to even do. But before you can second guess yourself more, you sit up suddenly. It gets you a questioning look from Karkat. The kind where his thick brows are furrowed together, but one of them is peaked up a bit. Confused, sarcastic, and sort of endearing. Jesus Christ you need to get your shit together.

You lean back on your arm a bit, desperately trying to seem casual, "So uh... you wanna like, go somewhere?"

Fantastic. So well executed. The kind of intelligence and way with words that will get you three straight As on your next English papers. Aren't you just the pinnacle of speech.

Karkat's brows crease further. "Go where? And why, what's wrong with Can Town?"

"I... I'll explain when we get there ok?"

"that sounds extremely suspicious but ok, I guess out of everyone on the meteor you’re the least likely to be the one that does me in for good."

Karkat starts to stand up, raising an eyebrow in your direction. You walk towards the exit and wait as he catches up to you.

You walk in silence for a solid three minutes before either of you says anything. You start to wonder whether this was a good idea. Your stupid god tier pajamas don't have any pockets, so you resort to playing with the edge of your cape. You sneak a look over at Karkat from behind your shades and oh god he's looking at you. It's that look with just the slightest bit of confusion and concern. It makes your hands start to shake. Shit, you're staring now. You snap your gaze forward, hoping he couldn't see your eyes from behind your glasses.

He's still looking at you as he asks, "Hey, um, are you like good? You haven’t said anything for the past three minutes and while I’m usually all for you finally shutting the fuck up I still have no clue where you’re taking me and you’re being really goddamn weird about it."

You shrug and try to laugh it off, "nah dude everything is all good, 100%, The goodest it’s ever been and get this it’s about to be even better because would you look at that we’re here."

You panic a bit as you trail off and end up pulling Karkat into the nearest empty room with you.

Shit.

This was a really bad idea.

The room you’re standing in is almost identical to every other room on the meteor. Same grey walls, tiled floor, and fluorescent lights that strain your eyes even with your shades on. You better be able to bs your way out of this one fast.

You flex your fingers, letting go of the cape you forgot you practically had a death grip on. You get another look at Karkat. Oh no. He’s got that look on his face. The one that’s pretty much his standard brand of mildly-and-constantly angry, but with the slightest bit of anticipation in his eyes. The kind of look you’re only able to recognize because you spend so much time with him. On anyone else it’s a look that’s off putting, but with him it’s vaguely pleasant. It’s in the way he looks just slightly up at you, waiting for you to speak, and inevitably ramble your way into oblivion. Speaking of which, you’re doing it again, staring, that is.

You figure at this point Karkat has had enough of standing in silence having you stare him down, because he folds his arms across his chest, sighs, and says, “Alright, so now I KNOW something is up, you dragged me all the way out here, said next to nothing the entire time we were walking, and now we’re in a room that’s completely indistinguishable from any other room on this god forsaken rock and not to mention completely fucking empty. You still haven’t exactly explained what the hell were doing here, so tell me Strider, What. Is. The Deal?”

You let out a long breath, “Yeah ok I guess keeping you in the dark this whole time may have been a bad idea,”

He snorts and rolls his eyes. You probably deserve that.

“But just hear me out okay?”

“Alright Strider, I’m listening. What could be so incredibly important that you had to drag me out into middle-of-nowhere, Meteor City? Am I about to be graced with the most beautiful and moving rap about puppet ass and this room had the best acoustics? Is that it Dave?”

He’s leaning towards you as he says that. He’s close enough that you can see the way his black mess of hair curls around from behind his ears. You know he was just doing it to be sarcastic and condescending but shit if it doesn’t make your heart rate spike just a little. Nothing life threatening, no heart attacks today, but woah.

You laugh and it comes out a little shaky.

“Okay, okay uh, so this is probably gonna sound really weird but just don’t worry about it. I’m gonna say something that I didn’t want to say while we were in Can Town because there’s so many good memories and shit and us being really good friends-like super fucking good friends-and like hell I want to ruin that for myself,shit Can Town is like the one place I can stand to be for more than like two hours, and I also feel like I’d be kinda ruining the sanctity of it or some shit I don’t know -“

“What the actual fuck are you talking about?”

You sigh, God why is this so difficult? It’s not that hard Strider, just get those words out of your dumb shit mouth and hop on the feelings train to confession town. Easy peasy lemon squeezy and all that shit.

“Spit it out Dave.”

Of course this would be the one time you find it hard to speak, of course.

“Alright... alright I-I just, I like you ok, like... a lot. And it took me a while to actually realize it because I was just pulling layer and layer of repression over it and I didn’t want to let Rose know about it because I just know she’d go total therapist mode on my sorry ass so I was just kinda silently freaking out for a while and just kept pushing the thought further and further back in my head. As if I just ignored it long enough it’d go away completely. But then you’d do something that’s just completely fucking mundane and stupid and for some bullshit reason it’d like set something off in my head and I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it for literal days on end. And it’s been going on long enough where I kind of had to come to terms with it but as it fucking turns out that doesn’t help! It does exactly jack shit as a matter of fact! It just keeps piling up and the littlest things make my heart speed up and I know I’m kind of throwing a load of shit at you all at once and I basically already know you’re going reject me so hard I’m thrown from this plane of existence but if there’s any chance just... just please tell me you feel the same.”

Oh boy. You realize that that was maybe a lot at once. You cringe inwardly on yourself as you dare another look at Karkat.

He’s… stunned? You assume that would be an appropriate reaction. You have no idea wether it’s good or bad though and it’s eating at you. He looks at his hands, which are halfway inside his sweater sleeves, and back up at you again. There’s something in his eyes that makes you want to cry and scream out of impatience and the smallest, most microscopic bit of hope. You silently will him to say something. Anything really.

He meets your gaze even with your shades on. It’s terrifying, but it’s sincere and filled with earnest. You can see the small patches of red creeping across his face and the hint of a smile on his lips.

“I- oh... oh my god I- holy shit I woah I thought for sure that there was absolutely no way and that came so far out of left field i just woah”

The smile on his face widens, far enough for you to see his sharp teeth. It’s weirdly adorable.

He shakes his head, making his curls bounce out of his face, “I mean Jesus... yeah ok I mean I guess I’ll just cut to the fucking chase here, I like you too, like a whole lot.”

You could swear your feet have lifted off the ground at this point. You can feel how hot your face is and you’re sure you’ve flushed all the way up to your eyebrows. Your heart is moving at a pace you didn’t think was humanly possible. Is this really happening?

“Wait-you’re serious? Like 100% all jokes aside no funny business serious?”

Karkat’s grin threatens to split his face in half.

“yeah... I uh I’m serious.”

“You really like me, you’re sure?”

“yeah, yeah I really really do.”

Holy shit. This is happening. You’re at least an inch off the ground now, you’re sure of it.

Karkat’s fidgeting with his sleeves. You can see his hands shake a little. He looks up at you suddenly, practically bright red (but it’s not like you look much better).

“I- uh can… Can I yknow? Can I kiss you?”

You’re lifted another inch.

“Oh! Shit! I mean yes! Of course, fuck yes you can! God… fuck!”

He takes the two steps towards you that close the space. He hesitates for a second, but puts his hands up and grabs onto the hood of your cape. Oh shit you’re still floating. Embarrassed, you slowly lower your feet back onto the ground. Karkat laughs and, oh god, he leans in so that your foreheads are touching.

“You’re an idiot.”

What remained of the space between you is now gone. His lips are on yours and it’s so… soft. Not like you would expect from the guy that screamed at you for so long he could barely breathe once, but it’s perfect. It’s long and slow and everything you didn’t even know you wanted out of a first kiss. Before you realize what you’re doing you’re pushing your hands up through his hair. It curls around your fingers as you notice that Karkat has pulled you even closer, his arms around your neck.

You break for a second, less than inches away from each other.

“Sorry,” you breathe.

He smiles, “ For what?”

“For taking so long.”

And then you kiss him again.

#mmmmm take it before i regret this #this is...not good but im posting it anyway #davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #jay screams #i dont have a writing tag so i guess my talking tag is close enough #homestuck

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othercat2 · 6 years

Text

WIP snips!

(they flow from form to form)

“So, you kids made up?”

“Yeah,” Karkat says, just as quietly. “Terezi, c’mon, wake up.”

“No one tells a dragon to awaken,” Terezi says, voice muffled as she snuggles. “‘S Saturday anyway.”

“You’re not a dragon and it’s Tuesday, c’mon. There’s pancakes and bacon.”

Terezi stirs, and finally lets him go. “Good, bring me some,” she says, and rolls over.

“Haha, no,” Karkat says.

Build a Life from Scratch

“Disciple?” one of the Demonesses leaning against Highblood asks.

“Dirtblood heretic of a false--” Highblood mutters, glaring at you, for lack of anyone else to glare at. The Demoness in his lap reaches up and smacks his cheek Her hand lingers, stroking where she smacked him.

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooosh,” she says, a humming vibration that manages to somehow send shivers down your spine.

“Stop that,” Highblood mutters.

“No,” the Demoness in his lap says. “Rub my neck.”

“I’mma break your neck,” Highblood says, but does what he’s told.

“Disciple?” The Demoness prompts, pouring another drink. This one she hands off to you.

“Catskin’s in one piece, and decided to leave me in peace instead of pieces,” you say, and take the cup. The contents are definitely alcoholic with notes of honey. You take a sip.

“Mead,” Demoness says.

“Don’t drink it, shit’ll make you crazy,” Highblood says.

“It’s not mind honey,” Demoness says back. “Just honey.”

jam fic I wasn’t able to sufficiently make grotty or nsfw enough, tentatively titled (glaciers melting in the dead of night)

Posting the whole thing since it’s super rough

(Warning for mild dub con, body horror and some really gross biotech + depression/suicidal ideation +HIC being kind of Captain Bad Touch.)

So, disintegrating "I failed" Dirk from Game Over doesn't die or actually disintegrate, that would be too easy. Instead he gets pulled between multiverses and goes through a hole punched into reality by the Psiioniic who is going through a "rough patch" of space. (Because weird shit and I half stole this concept from roachpatrol.)

So he's in real, actual space and you cannot actually breath in real actual space even if you're a god. Dirk might have ended up a seagull slamming into the ports of HIC's flagship but HIC is curious enough she has Psiioniic pull him on board before he can like, die.

This particular iteration of HIC is curious about the strange creature that appeared and has him sent to the infirmary so they can figure out this new alien psiioniic. Dirk is unconscious and doesn't have much say in the situation. When he wakes up he still doesn't have much say in the situation, but it too depressed to care or even pull out the various tubes and IV-equivalents.

In a bid to commit suicide.

After a week of Dirk being semi-catatonic, HIC decides to check on Dirk herself.

This...doesn't go well. Dirk rouses out of his stupor and promptly attacks HIC. HIC defends herself, but does not actually want to kill her new pet so she has Psiioniic restrain him. Dirk tries to pull the soul stealing thing, and gets his ass knocked out and then drugged.

HIC is advised to put the psiioniic down, it's obviously some kind of assassin/trick/what have you. HIC does not agree. She also makes a habit of repurposing weapons used against her. As you do.

She has Dirk moved to her quarters, which actually take up a sizable chunk of the ships space. She takes care of him more or less by herself, with some assistance from Psii. Dirk is either non-responsive or tries to attack her, and she doesn't know why because she a) does not speak English b) Dirk doesn't do a lot of talking while he's attacking.

So, Operation Strange Alien Taming begins.

So, Dirk has been pretty much hunger striking since he woke up. He is not aware at first this is a different reality/universe's HIC, though the fact that this universe has trolls should have clued him in. He can understand what she's saying ("sugar grub, you don't want to have that tube worm made permanent do you? C'mon sprat, point at the picture and tell me what it is...") But she can't understand him, so he has that.

So he has a food tube and something like an IV for hydration. There is also a catheter involved. He has made a few attempts to remove one or the other of the tubes, which are literally some variety of bioengineered worms because why not include some body horror. Dirk basically ends up restrained because he keeps trying to pull them. Imagine a big gel filled bean bag chair that's too big to be moved or shifted and is possibly also alive. The restraints are bright fuchsia straps over his legs, arms and chest and hips. The gell filled possibly also alive bean bag shifts and moves every so often, so he doesn't get bedsores or something.

HIC does not get bored or very annoyed in the face of Dirk's obstinance. She's very interested in the way he pretty much seems to understand her, and even recognize her. (In a weirdly personal way. Like she was something personal to him, part of a revenge cycle or something, which pointed in the direction of him being and assassin of some kind, but there's no species matching his description in the databanks yet, so what the hell?)

Dirk is kind of confused. And also angry. But mostly confused. He would have expected offhand culling or maybe torture, not this weird persistent demi-kindness.

He is also aware that there are other trolls here? He comes up with random theories he could probably solve by asking questions but he doesn't bother asking questions. Because he is also depressed.

He is more depressed than goddamn Shinji and there is no one to tell him to get in the mech. He is more depressed (but less of an asshole) that Thomas Covenant. He is more depressed that someone walking through the Doldrums.

He thinks he might actually be in a dream bubble somehow.

Dirk talks, eventually. Staying quiet when you have oh, a decade or so brave speeches for when Confronting Fish Hitler At Last is pretty much impossible. And maybe he also wants to push, to figure out what the fuck is actually going on, because he's finally figured out HIC, this HIC doesn't speak English, and is apparently trying to teach him Alternian.

So there's a point where he declares that she won't wear him down with this. He'll defy her to the end in the name of the millions she drowned and tortured and in the name of his ancestor who defied her to his last breath and so on and so forth. It's a really good speech and doesn't sound at all like something he practiced in front of a mirror when he was oh, twelve or so.

HIC listens to the Brave Speech, spoken in more or less good Alternian and is completely dumbfounded. "Guppy, water you e-fin talking a-boat?" she asks. "I've never met your species or been to your planet." On the other hand, he knows Alternian, and definitely has some kind of beef with her, so she's a little confused, and even more curious.

Dirk...is pretty sure that's genuine confusion in her voice. He's also pretty sure that HIC would have no reason to play at being confused, or like she didn't know who he was. He's pretty sure she doesn't actually know him at all, which makes him think in terms of again, dream bubble, and she's dead-dreaming much earlier in her career.

The question is, does he want to remind her she's dead? The answer is: no, probably not. (Dirk also goes on a slight tangent on whether or not he's still alive, and kind of distracts himself and falls silent, pretty much ignoring HIC.)

HIC, who is actually alive, and likely to stay that way trying to think her way through various possibilities. "Maybe it's like that story where there's a time traveler trying to kill some fish before he can make a military mistake or some-fin."

"If so, who ever it was had lousy aim," Psii says.

"Whale, see if any explorers have found a planet with mammalian trolloid lifeforms."

(They haven't.)

What she's going to do once she finds the planet, she's not sure. Maybe keep them from developing time travel technology because she can't really sea that going whale. (Especially if you get dumped out in the middle of space.) Maybe this grub popping up is what directs her to find the planet.

She brings this up with the alien, who gives her the strangest look. He doesn't say anything, and she can tell he doesn't want to. "Whale, how about you introduce yourself, since you're talkin now?" She asks, and pets his hair. The alien turns his face away and doesn't answer. "Rude," HIC says. "I'm--"

"Your Imperious Condescension," Dirk says.

"Whale yeah, boat I like you," HIC says, still petting Dirk's hair. "And you're a pitiful little ship, so you can call me by my hatch name, with is Meenah Peixes, when it's just us."

Dirk starts into his "you won't break me" speech. Meenah is not actually impressed. Amused and a little baffled, maybe, but not impressed. She covers his mouth with one hand, and shooshes him. "You're all ready a broke up wreck, sugar grub, either trying to krill me or yourself, maybe both I don't even fucking know, I'mma more curious about how to put you together."

This is where Dirk gets scared. She has, as far as he can tell, called his bluff. (He did not in fact have a bluff.) He also gets an inkling now that this is not an HIC he knows. This is not Betty Crocker, but she no less dangerous, and he has no fucking clue about what to do. Nothing is going according to script. He just kind of stares up at her.

Meenah can see that he's scared. Which would make sense if he's some kind of rebel of a planet she hasn't found yet, whose gone back in time to defeat her. ("'Tuna, why is my life suddenly a really bad sf movie?" she asks. "It was bound to happen sooner or later, Empress.") "You're already talking to me, sprat, you might has well tell me your name, before I make one up."

Dirk does not want to be called "Fluffy" or the Alternian equivalent. This is a feel that emerges from the bleak gray sea he's been floating in. "Dirk Strider," he says. Meenah pretends a shocked gasp. "The notorious rebel, Dirk Strider who I never even fucking heard of," she says. "What an honor! Except not, because you were mostly a flitterbug on Tuna's windshield."

She tries to get him to talk some more, but Dirk is not a great conversationalist at this point. She eventually heads off to do Empress Things, but leaves Dirk with an entertainment unit and a remote control. ("Tuna see how well he can read the menus and shit." )

Dirk does end up watching movies! Someone of the medical persuasion comes in to check on him. Dirk does not actually try to fight them. He's offered food, which he refuses. Medical person sighs fills up the UV worm, the food tube worm, and cleans up the colostomy bag worm. (Dirk is both grossed out and fascinated by the biotech.)

Meenah works up a steady campaign of bringing food, little snack foods and drinks with her when she visits Dirk. She asks him questions related to the time travel theory she has concerning his presence. (Dirk lies a lot. Meenah is pretty sure he's lying. Sometimes he tells the truth and she's still pretty sure he's lying.)

HIC typically offers food or drink, then tries to get Dirk to talk. Sometimes she can get him to eat. Occasionally Psii comments. "This is weirdly pale Your Imperious Condescension."

"Sometimes a beach is just weirdly pale, 'Tuna," Meenah says. She pets Dirk's hair, which is starting to grow out. She also strokes his cheek, which makes him shiver. "Lying around all day ain't good for you. Want to get up and move around?"

Dirk has not idea what to do about this, or about this weirdly honest sounding question. "If you're going to bribe me into betraying my family, why don't you do it with questionable sugar coated rosewater candies?"

"Wouldn't know where to get that. Want a deep fried water beetle?" Meenah pops one in her mouth and chews. "So, family, you're ancestor who I don't know but apparently cacked and...?"

Dirk talks a little about his Bro, but he's hesitant. Part of him really does think talking about Bro is a betrayal, like he's giving away details. He's pretty sure by now he can't do that, that he's somehow in a completely different universe, but it's still in the back of his head despite jokes about betrayal. "Your ancestor and his--moirail I'd guess--sound like they'd be bitchtits opponents," Meenah says. She finishes off her deepfried water beetle and offers him one. "Haven't found your world yet, but I guess we can find out?"

The idea of HIC going to Earth, invading Earth even an alternate Earth to find out what kind of opponent his Bro was makes Dirk's stomach flip. It cracks whatever reserve he's been able to maintain. (Not much of one.) "Please no," he says, even though he knows on a certain level it should be (hopefully) impossible. Alternia's universe created the Beta universe, after all.

"Sugargrub, from my end, I got attacked first," Meenah points out reasonably. "A beach has to snap back or no one'll respect her." The look of sheer horror on Dirk's face is at once hilarious as fuck and pitiful as all hell. Meenah almost laughs, but it looks like Dirk might throw up, which wouldn't be funny at all. "Aw, sprat, no," she says and goes for the nearest trash receptical.

She almost doesn't catch it in time. Also, the position is pretty awkward given how he's strapped down. The poor grub turns almost gray-white and heaves up a bunch of bile and nutrient solution. "Shoosh, Dirk," she says. "Fuck, you're a wreck, I'm almost sorry for doing that, you don't blink at half the shit I say sprat. Is that actually what happens?"

"No," Dirk gasps, voice hoarse and raw. "No." And in a voice like he doesn't even know that he's saying, it. "I don't want anything else to be my fault.

Meenah spends some time shooshing Dirk though most of what she's doing either only works for trolls or would only work for humans who are not Dirk. She does eventually get him settled down, making no promises of course that she won't conquer his planet if she happens to find it. "I had a little surprise planned for you on the recreation deck, maybe let you exercise some, but you look like carp, so maybe not," she says. "I have something that might calm you down though" She pushes a needle into the UV worm and presses a plunger.

"It's drugs," Dirk says.

"Just something to keep you calm," Meenah says. "We can go another day."

Dirk tries hard not to have his interest piqued. He's not all that successful. He's been watching the entertainment screen, mostly and he's at the point where he'd be wanting to build something, or take it apart and put it back together. "Really?"

"You'd be restrained because I don't trust you not to attack me or run around like an untrained barkbeast, but yeah."

"It's a dog park isn't. You were going to take me to a dog park," Dirk says. Meenah stays with him till he goes to sleep, feeling weirdly hopeful at the prospect of being able to walk around, even if hobbled. It's another couple of days, but Meenah makes good on her offer of an outing. She dresses him in a black uniform with orange trim. He tries to dress himself, but she smacks his hands. she cuffs his hands and ankles, and links them with a chain. The final item is a choke chain collar and a fuchsia leash. She grins like a shark as she puts the collar around his neck. "If you're good, I won't have to hobble you in the future," she says.

"I notice you don't say 'won't put me on a leash'," Dirk says.

"Whale, parading rebels around on leashes is just how it's done."

So, Dirk gets walked. Meenah occasionally stops to talk with courtiers. Courtiers stare at him and delicately question the uniform, which turns out to be a standard dress Threshecutioner uniform. Meenah does not answer questions about the uniform or about why an alien that tried to kill her is wearing a Threshecutioner uniform.

The entertainment deck has restaurants, theaters, gyms, pools and a large parklike area. Meenah walks through the park, eventually finding who she's looking for: Her Chief Threshy. Said Chief Threshy takes one look at Dirk as asks in a pained voice, "Empress, why is an alien assassin wearing a Threshecutioner uniform with tabs for my goddamn flaysquad?"

Dirk stares back and tries not to react. The troll is not especially tall, but he's broad, with short hair that just barely long enough to curl, and short rounded horns. The uniform's trim is bright red, and so are the troll's eyes. He's pretty sure he's seen this troll before.

"I ain't so shore he's an alien assassin Carpkat," Meenah says. "Water you got for me?" She asks.

What he has is a picnic lunch. A cold roast bird, fried beetles, a tray full of rolls of meat and cubes of cheeses and something that might be potato salad if it wasn't blue. There's also bottles of some kind of beverage. "Carpkat" makes a plate for the Empress.

"Are you mute or something, asshole?" the troll asks Dirk.

"He's just shy," Meenah says. "He don't talk much aboat anyfin unless I make him." She pokes Dirk. "Say somefin."

"So, why am I wearing a Threshcutioner uniform?" Dirk asks.

#homestuck #eldergodstuck #davekat #writing #fan fic #dirk strider #dirkHIC #a disturbing rarepair is disturbing #brostriderGHB #the demoness

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ectoflowermaid · 6 years

Text

DaveKat - Do I know you?

Hey y’all it’s been a hot second, trying to get back into writing for my pirates? fic and this is one of my favorite niche tropes, it’s just a lil oneshot for now but I might expand on it later if it’s something you’d want to see? Just testing the waters iGuess, any and all feedback much appreciated!!!!

———————————————————

You were in the YA romance section.

Well.

Technically it said ‘teen romance’, but you, Karkat Vantas, nearly ten sweeps old (or approximately 21 human years) and verifiably a young adult preferred to address it as such, if only in your head.

Besides, the only other person or troll in the bookshop that you could see was Kanaya, and she was sweating just as much as you looking for a trashy lesbian vampire novel.

The bell above the door rang and another group of college-age kids walked in. You didn’t recognize them. You still didn’t want them seeing you perusing teen books with a laser focus, so you shifted behind the stacks just slightly and examined the group as they noisily entered. Laughing raucously. Fucking idiots.

You came here to get away from all the noise, you couldn’t help feeling a little bitter that you and Kanaya weren’t the only ones who sought the fortitude of an old bookshop, the three humans who had walked in and now split their own ways didn’t even look like they belonged here. More like on the cover of some fashion magazine, Karkat couldn’t help but follow them with his eyes. Was it his imagination or were they...glowing?

He shook his head. Just another group of human jerks, probably. One of the girls, one with short black hair and cherry red glasses made a beeline to the recipe books, much to the apparent entertainment of the other two, as they shared a meaningful look.

The other girl turned back fondly and spared her cooking companion a fond look before she ambled off through to look at old cassettes and records. Her very pink skirt matched the very pink clips scattered haphazardly through wild, blonde hair, and she danced through the aisles to music it seemed only she could hear.

The remaining human was a guy about Karkat’s own age, messy blond hair that, unlike his companion, looked intentionally so, and darkly reflective shades perched on a strangely delicate nose, headed straight for him.

What?

No. He was headed for the comics a few stacks short. Karkat let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He turned around to look at Kanaya, she had picked up some trashy vamp novella and was perched in an overstuffed armchair in the far corner of the shop. Definitely wouldn’t be moving for a while. Karkat absentmindedly selected a book without looking at it and pretended to skim the book sleeve as he peeked through the shelves to see what shades coolkid was looking at.

Shades gingerly plucked an exceptionally old comic from the rack and something strange passed over his face. Nostalgia? Humor? Bitterness? Impossible to tell. The cover was tacky, some old, super famous comic Karkat had heard of but never bothered reading. The background was black, almost like space, but it was shattered like a prism, rainbow cracks in space and time. What was it called? Karkat wracked his brain. Homesafe? Homestruck? Homestuck. Based on mythology and the ways of the Old Church, it was supposedly a classic, although some particularly nasty New Church members had tried to get it banned in schools a few years back. They said it was nothing but, “lies and sacrilegious content, meant to rot kids’ brains out”.

Religion had never been Karkat’s thing.

Shades held up the comic to show the girl in the music section. He waved it tauntingly and she rolled her eyes in return. He set it back down and continued to search through the old comic books aimlessly.

Was he being creepy? Karkat definitely felt like he was being creepy. It was something about the asshole, he was too well dressed, but still somehow managed to look sloppy. If Karkat looked sloppy it was because he couldn’t afford to look any better. This fuckface was in a long black coat, darkwash jeans, clean red converse, and a red sweater over an untucked black button-up. And he had a long red scarf. Stupid asshole. Stupidly tall. Stupidly attractive. Stupid-

“Karkat? Are you almost done?” Kanaya materialized behind him with a respectable stack of books in her arms. “Would you like me to wait for you before I check out?”

“Um,” Karkat recovered from having had to resist the urge to leap back fifty feet. “No, yes. No. Um. I haven’t...”

He looked helplessly down at the meager pile of books he’d collected. He felt no particular attachment to any of them, or if he had when he’d pulled them he had forgotten his intrigue almost immediately.

Kanaya smiled patiently. “I will see you tomorrow for coffee as planned, yes?”

“Yes,” Karkat nodded emphatically. “Absolutely. Fucking yes. That.”

Kanaya hid a smirk as he turned to walk away before pausing. “Oh, by the way,”

“Hm?” Karkat responded distractedly as he stole a glance back toward the comic section. Shades was gone.

“Get his number, will you dear?”

Kanaya laughed and winked as Karkat fought to avoid turning bright red. Fucking figures.

Karkat sighed and looked at the pile of books at his feet. He slowly began to put them back, peering through the shelves as inconspicuously as he could. He couldn’t explain why he was so fascinated by this guy, this dumb human boy. It was more than that he seemed attractive, more than that he looked like the usual asshole Karkat liked to get his heart broken by, he seemed familiar. Like out of a dream, or a drawing. Like-

Karkat really did leap back this time. He had peered through a crack in the books and a pair of darkly reflective glass frames met him eye for eye. Fuck.

There was a wild scrambling from the other side of the bookshelf, then the human appeared at the end of the aisle and stopped in his tracks. He was breathing heavily. Or he was holding his breath? Karkat couldn’t be sure, but his heart sped up of its own accord.

Something about this human boy who stood there, stance wide, long legs planted apart, firmly. One arm reached toward the shelf as if he’d used the edge to spin around about-face, the other limp, distant, at his side. Face passive.

“Did she. Um.” His voice was crackly, rough around the edges. As if he hadn’t used it in some time. Or as if he had been crying. “Did she call you Karkat?”

Karkat blinked. “Yeah? What the fuck is it to you?”

Shades exhaled in an almost-laugh, breathy and disbelieving. He half turned around as if to say something to someone at his side, but upon realizing no one was there, spoke to himself.

“After all these years,” he muttered. “Fucking millennia. Like a bad joke.”

“Can I fucking help you?” Karkat said.

“Do you like comics?” Dave asked, taking a step closer. He pulled a shiny copy of a popular comic Karkat definitely recognized, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.

“Not that fucking bullshit,” Karkat made a face. “If you have anything that’s actually good, then maybe.”

Shades didn’t seem particularly offended by this scathing review. Just continued toward Karkat, a small smile gracing his face. He got the sense that this was a barely contained emotion.

“You know, I really fuckin’ think I do,” Shades lifted his namesake off his nose and pushed it to the top of his head, scraping any pale hair up and out of the way. He fixed Karkat with a pair of bright red eyes. Karkat, who was no expert on humans, was fairly certain that eyes were not supposed to come in that particular shade. After all, even as a troll, his own weren’t.

Shades looked off toward his friends and gave a nod in their direction. “I’ll be seeing you around, Karkat.”

There was a sudden sound of ticking, gears turning, and then Karkat was alone in the shop.

Shades was gone, and so were his female friends. It was almost as if Karkat’s brain had missed something, skipped a step. They were there, they were gone, and his brain had blinked in the middle during the process where point A bridged to point C.

Karkat searched through every stack, as if maybe the three human strangers were all in on some elaborate prank and just really good at hiding, but it was useless. He ended up right back to where he started.

Only now, there was something on the ground where Shades had been standing. The old comic he’d been looking at earlier. Homestuck, volume I. And a note.

“yo. its not perfect obviously because what really went down was a mad shitshow, and its missing some stuff. gotta simplify if you wanna spread the word i guess. anyways, this might fill in the spaces. or at least, i really, really fucking hope it does.

- d”

Karkat looked around the shop, as if he might catch whoever was responsible. No such luck.

“What the fuck?” He whispered. He had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

#back on my bs #whoops #all feedback is appreciated #this trope is in my head always ive git a million different scenarios for it #anyways #davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #eventually ill have rosemary #if i keep going that is #homestuck #davekat fic #homestuck fic #homestuck au

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paragonrobits · 7 years

Note

Can I ask for some Eridan/Vriska teaming up in a pirate FLARP against some foes if possible?~

“'We invite anyone who has the courage, the nerve, and thesteel, to plumb our dungeon of doom!'” went the note sent to everynaval FLARPer in the region, signed with only two signs, in lightblue and violet; respectively, the signs of the scorpion and thewaterbearer. “'If you have the might to win, dare... the MAUSOLEUMOF NIGHTMARES!'”

And Vriska smirked as dozens of unsuspecting rivals, each of themcontesting for a highly ranked spot in the regional FLARPingcontests, went straight into the vast labyrinth floating upon thesea, assembled from dozens of ships sunk by Eridan and Vriska, andthen raised up and mashed together. Trolls went in and then...

Well, they wouldn't come out. Their bodies did, most of the time.Sometimes. The point was to get bodies to feed to Spidermom andisolate lusii to feed to Feferi's lusus, but in any case the dungeonworked amazingly. Lured by the promise of treasure, people delvedinto the dungeon and ran afoul of the many, many horrendouslyunfair traps.

Years later, those who survivedthe Mausoleum would speak in hushed whispers of the horrible trapsthere. A sphere of annihilating energy housed in the mouth of astatue in a room set up to make you think you were supposed to openup the statue to solve a puzzle. A host of puzzles, dozens of them,each of which Eridan had flawlessly calibrated to kill whoever didanything in them, leaving behind their loot. No one ever got morethan a few rooms in, ever.

It would go down in troll history(which, to be fair, was on borrowed time at this point) as the mosthideous unfair, horrifically unbalanced and just plain meanpuzzle dungeons ever conceived.Even worse than the creations of 'What A Jackass' Jolstoni, themeanest puzzlemaker in all Alternia, who had taken the creed of 'allpuzzles should be super murdery' to a logical extreme, at least untilsome unknown fuchsia got bit by a cube puzzle he made.

Vriska yawned, slouching down thesteps of the dungeon's secret inner workings, going through secretpassageways to the treasury where they kept all the sweetloot they'd accrued from theirmany fallen foes. “What's up, fishface,” she said, clapping himon the back with her kickass robot arm. “I was thinking that maybetonight we could-”

Eridan held an arm out.Dramatically. His cape fanned out, covering her view of the treasury.(He had to stand on a table to block her view, so he clearly had goneto some effort ahead of time.)

“Uhh,” she said.

He lowered his arm. Vriska gaspedin horror.

There are many unspeakablyhorrible sights on Alternia. The pits where the culled are sent todie in their trials. The courts where the doomed are sentenced. Anyplace remotely near a fuchsia, at least until Feferi was born. Emptyfood preparation blocks. But there is nothing worse than the sight ofan empty treasure chamber atleast to a pirate-themed FLARPer.

“Our treasure trove,” Eridanbegan. “Has been stolen!”

“...Uh, yeah, I worked thatout,” Vriska said, giving him a look.

“Look, I've been up here fortwo and a half hours waiting for your dumb ass to get up and see thistravesty! Least you could do is let me get out my cool dramaticspeech.”

“You were up here for two and ahalf hours and that's the most you came up with ahead of time?”

“OKAY SHUT THE HELL UP andlet's get going, we have a treasure to reclaim.”

“HELL YEAH,” Vriska said,running off into a completely different room, popping off her arm andthrowing it at Eridan. It incidentally managed to smack him in theback of the head. She came back a few minutes later, dressed in asuper cool pirate-themed outfit that so happened to look exactly likeher ancestor's favorite outfit. Eridan was already dressed in hisoutfit. Also, she'd swapped out her robot arm for a giant pirate hookwith a built in cannon.

They high fived. They immediatelyregretted this, because you really don't want to high five someonewhen your hand is now a giant hook/cannon.

A short while later, becauseEridan had also prepared a ship ahead of time, their ship set out.They tended to go through a few dozen every perigee, and simply stolenew ships from defeated foes; this one had been looted from an armadaof trolls all arising in response to inflammatory comments Eridan andVriska had made regarding the latest editions of FLARP's needlesschanges to rules they didn't care for. (This sort of thing was prettycommonplace on Alternia; an entire planet of children from a speciesprone to wild mood extremes, without any adult supervision and withmysterious interferences to make them more bloodthirsty? It wasunavoidable.) This ship was the only one to survive; Vriska blamedEridan for being too trigger-happy with his weird ancestral lightningthingy. Eridan blamed Vriska for mind controlling people intoblasting each other without even waiting for a sick cameraopportunity.

This one had been renamed theRevengence Rising, forreasons that Vriska was unclear on. Eridan would only say that he sawit in a dream, borne to him by the terrible things he saw in hisdreams, and swept off dramatically.

The Revengence didn'tso much float as it insinuated itself through the water, slicingthrough the tides and the occasional smaller ship that ran afoul ofthe giant underwater ramming blades beneath it, raising a pink-huedflag. The pink of tyranny had only one meaning; there would be noprisoners, just as a true heiress left no survivors. Both Eridan andVriska were considering changing the flag's color, because since theyknew Feferi so well, they couldn't quite reconcile that with... well,her. (They chose to decide that Feferi was just super weird.)

They soon came across theirquarry, a ship low in the water from the weight of its treasures, anda very big ship at that, too. It had to be, to hold all thattreasure. Vriska seethed at the sight of it, her one good eyenarrowed and her fangs scraping against her lower lip. “I am gonnakick their ass! I am gonna kick the boat's ass!”

“Boats don't have those,”Eridan pointed out.

“I am gonna build it an ass soI can kick it!”

“Use shitty wood, otherwiseyou're gonna make it look better than it really is.”

“Shit, I wouldn't have thoughtof that. Good save.”

“It's what I do,” Eridan saidsmugly.

“Hey!” Vriska yelled into amegaphone, directing it at the ship. “HEY, YOU! TREASURE STEALINGASSHOLES THAT STOLE THE TREASURE WE STOLE FIRST!”

There was a pause. The enemy shipwiggled with activity. “What?” A faint, reedy voice called back.

“I said HEY YOU!” Vriskayelled.

“WHAT?'

“I SAID... goddamit, are weeven close enough for them to hear us?” Vriska turned to thelowblooded troll closest to them on their crew. “I said, are weclose enough for that?”

Karkat Vantas, roped into thisarrangement as a result of a complicated bet involved a largepineapple and the world's second-nicest hat he was trying to barterwith Equius for reasons unknown, rolled his eyes. “I don't goddamnknow. If they're constantly yelling about what you said, GEE, I DON'TKNOW, that's probably a pretty solid indication, huh?!”

“You're the worst cabin boyever. I don't know why Terezi recommended you.”

“I thought Terezi swore to killyou and eat all your shoes,” Karkat said.

“Eh, inbetween vows to make mesuffer for my misdeeds or whatever, she yells at me about how greatyou are. It's weird and sickening.”

“Oh. Wait she did... she didwhat? She talks about... me?” Karkat fell to the ground, staring atthe moons. “Inbetween acts of vowing horrible revenge? Oh... that'sthe most romantic thing I ever heard... I need to write poetry aboutthis.”

“God, this is sickening,”Eridan said, wrinkling his snout.

“Hell yeah,” Vriska said,shaking her head and unconsciously putting her arm around Eridan'sshoulder. “Just plain weird.”

Eridan put his arm around herwait, with no conscious thought on his part. “This flush pining isjust embarrassing.”

“Yeah.” A small pause. “Didwe forget something?”

They looked up, and saw the shipsignificantly closer. A purple blood waved to them; Vriska judged himthe leader of the crew, if only because he had the biggest andfanciest hat. In pirate terms, he was so obviously the Leader. “So,uh, you were trying to say something to us?”

“Yeah!” Vriska drew hersword, and with her other hand, extended her harpoon. She got backinto character, as Eridan did the same. “I, the dread MarquiseSpinneret Mindfang, demand that you return my stolen treasure hoard!”

“And I, the fearsome pirateDualscar, demand your land-cursed BLOOD!”Eridan shouted, drawing Ahab's Crosshairs and pointing it in a waythat indicated he had every intention of just driving it intopeople's chests like a spear.

The captain considered it. “No.”

“Give us the treasure,”Vriska threatened. “And then we'll kill you!”

The enemy crew stared across thedeck. From the floor, Karkat said, “Don't you mean, 'or'?”

“We know what we said!”Eridan snarled. “And get below decks, you could get hurt if there'sa fight!” He paused, and trying to save face, quickly added, “And!And, uh. If you get hurt or somethin', Terezi will wear my skin as afancy cape! I don't want to become a cosplay!”

Karkat groaned and rolled belowdecks. “I'm going, I'm going!”

The enemy captain shrugged. “So,it's a fight you want, huh? Then, it's a fight you'll-”

“DIE DIE DIE!” Vriskascreamed, catapulting herself across the two ships, heedless of apotential fall into the sea. She landed with a sword right in thecaptain's neck, her hook through the first mate, and she twistedaway. Purple and blue bloodrained down around her, and with a swish of her long coat, she raisedher robot arm as her arm cannon unfurled, blasting out a flurry ofshots that tore open the side of the ship.

“You shits stay here and trynot to be failures,” Eridan said to his crew, and dove into thesea. A moment later, he erupted out from the other side of the ship.In his native element he was far faster and stronger, and leaped highinto the air, landing with each, Crosshairs down and through thechest of the first unwary crewtroll. He twisted aside, putting thebody in the path of a sword blow coming his way, and a blast from theCrosshairs toppled the mast over, onto another grouping of enemycrewtrolls.

Vriska was laughing now, swordand cannon akimbo, and Eridan laughed too, the both of them moving ina fierce frenzy through the crew. Swords and shields clashedtogether, bows strung out and fired only to hit crewtrolls used asliving shields, and as soon as Eridan was able to aim (though hepreferred the thrill and martial honor of a melee), they were wipedfrom the world, along with several portions of the ship.

Cannon blasts, piercing lightfrom the Crosshairs and the sheer ferocity of the pair, fighting backto back, ended the first in short order. Most ship boardings are overfast, and this was done in a matter of minutes. When it was done, theship was listing, too many holes in its side to keep on from... well,taking on water. Vriska and Eridan stood, back to back, cape and coatflapping in the breeze as they posed with their weapons crossing. Oneof the enemy crewtrolls, in exchange for his life, took a photo ofthem.

“So, uh, are you gonna dosomething about the ship?” That crewtroll said.

Eridan blinked. “What aboutit?”

“It's sort of sinking. From allthe damage you did,” the crewtroll said, with just a hint ofreproach.

“...Oh shit~!”Eridan and Vriska said. Vriska ran to the side and called out to hership, “Towing cables! Ready the hooks, you know what to do!”

Several modified cannons, on thebroad side of the ship, opened up and fired; massive hooks slammedinto the side of the ship and chains reeled it in, towing the largership closer to them and supporting it. It wobbled ominously, butdidn't sink.

Vriska sighed in relief. “Ourtreasure, and more importantly, my reputation, are saved!”

Eridan checked a small watch.“And it's not even second breakfast. God, butthis is gonna be a slow day, isn't it?”

Vriska twirled him close to her.“Day's still young, fishface. Bet ya we can get into more trouble~”

#homestuck #erivris #eridan ampora #vriska serket #eridan #vriska #my writing #fics #Anonymous

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tashaleway · 4 years

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KVAAFCRS: Chapter Seven: A Whole New Day

Chapter Seven: A Whole New Day

Chapter Seven: A Whole New Day A/N: So, it's been a while. Yeah. Sorry about that. But hey! At least it's not been a year, right? This chapter annoyed me greatly. I started out with the list of the things, I wanted to happen in this chapter but it just took off so I had to re-write almost completely to make it fit with my timeline.

Karkat woke up early in his bed in the Slytherin dorms, drew back the curtains and was met with a faintly familiar face. The red-eyed boy from yesterday. Caliban or something.

"Good morning?" Karkat remembered how he'd blown up yesterday, and wanted to at least pretend to be somewhat polite. It wouldn't do to make too many enemies. That could wait until next year.

Caliban-whatever took that as an invitation and stepped closer.

"I believe that we got on the wrong foot yesterday. And I wished to remedy that. As I mentioned last evening, we Slytherins must stand together. The rest of the school looks down on us, and we must not show any weaknesses, especially not amongst ourselves. So, I would like to offer my hand, maybe not in friendship, but as allies. You need one, don't you?" Caliban-whatever held out his hand in invitation. Karkat didn't like the gleam in the other boy's eyes, but he didn't really have a choice, did he? Karkat was sure, if he didn't accept, he would be thrown to the wolves. Better be one of them, than their food.

He shook the offered hand and his headache lifted a bit.

~naknaknak~

The first day of school was crap. It usually was anywhere else, but Karkat was pretty sure that the first day was supposed to be a way of gently introducing to the classes, get to know each other and the teacher, and then perhaps get a plan on the different subjects. Hogwarts had obviously never heard of that. When they arrived at the classrooms, they were told to sit down, find their books, told what was expected of them, a quick explanation what the class was about, and then they jumped straight into it! They were supposed to try and transfigure a match into a needle in their first transfiguration class, for fucks sake!

Karkat had never been taught at a public school before, no he had always been home-schooled along with Kankri. Speaking of Kankri, it seemed like the world was trying its damned hardest for them not to meet up. When Karkat had woken up that morning he had decided he would have a talk with his brother and make sure they were still alright. But when he had arrived at the Great Hall for breakfast, he learned that Kankri had already eaten and left for his first classes. Karkat had then tried to follow and meet up before classes started, but the annoying kid, John had apparently spotted him and chatted him up all morning, right before classes had begun. Great.

And now he was here; in Transfiguration. Unable to focus, out of mind, worrying about what his brother would say to him later. Oh, and he had gained a new chatterbox of a follower. Mr-Sunglasses-Inside stole the seat next to Karkat as soon as he could and had not shut up since. One would think that the teacher would put a stop to it, but the kid had a gift of whispering so low that only Karkat could hear him. On top of that, the kid made sure to only speak when someone was writing something down, so the scratching of quills against parchment would mute him out. So, fuck that guy.

"Hey, so what did you get for question 14? I got 257," the guy would whisper. Karkat stared at him incredulously.

"This isn't bloody math, you absolute shitclusterfuck! It's not even an exam and we got fucking Transfiguration!" Karkat whispered as low as he could, trying to calm down and not get a detention. "What in the shitty world are you thinking?! Or is your lack of brain the reason you walk with those wall-fuckers called glasses? 'Cause that would explain everything about you!"

And then the guy would just smirk and snort and return to his notes. Karkat fucking hated him.

Even worse; as soon classes ended, Sir Sunglasses the Worst would follow him around and comment on every. Single. Thing.

"Hey, any idea why the Gryffindors hates us? I mean, I understand they're jealous, because… well, look at us! We're awesome, but still, they always sneer and growl at us. Do they think they’re lions or what? Hey! Does that mean we should hiss at them?? That would be fun, even though, everyone would think we’re furries, or, ew, copycats, yeah, scratch that idea! What about-“

“Can you PLEASE shut your dumbass piehole for just ONE second??! Every word out of your mouth is another nail in my skull, and I feel pretty crucified here! No, I’m beyond that! I’m beyond dead, I’m beyond saving! You can’t even play a pretty little song to the lord of the underworld to save me now! It’s too late! And even if you went so far and saved me, you would still have to guide me back to the living world, without looking back at me, and EVEN IF YOU WOULD HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THAT, I WOULD RATHER RUN BACK TO GET TORTURED EVEN MORE THAN LISTEN YO ANOTHER WORD FROM YOU! SO PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BRAIN-DEAD DUMB-FUCKING-“

“KARKAT VANTAS! DETENTION!”

“…Fuck…”

~naknaknaknaknaknaknak~

Karkat hated his life. It was nothing new, but today had to be the worst of all. First, he hadn’t been able to talk to Kankri at all because of the dumbass classes. Second, the classes themselves. They were horrible. Or maybe it was just Karkat. Whatever. Third, he hadn't had a chance to talk to Kanaya, the only sane person at this castle of insanity. Fourth, he had gotten himself some kind of a stalker. Or perhaps his own personal chatterbox, who got Karkat thrown into detention. Thanks, pal! Fifth, the detention itself, which was another thing that made it impossible to talk with his brother. Sixth, his companion at the detention; the blabbermouth himself! How awesome was that?! Apparently the idiot had tried to skate down the handrails of the stairs. He luckily got stopped before he got himself injured, but he ultimately landed himself in detention alongside Karkat. So yeah, his life was the worst.

Karkat tried to concentrate on a very stubborn piece of slimy and smelly potion in the cauldron he was cleaning. Meanwhile, Dave Strider; Ultimate Worst Person Ever, saw this as an opportunity to keep on talking.

"-and it was so cool! I would totally make it, of course, nothing can harm a Strider. Too bad the teacher was there, but I'm probably gonna try again tomorrow, wanna join? You can film me- wait… oh yeah, phones doesn't work here. Dammit! Oh well… hey! We can see what they are hiding behind the forbidden door! That'd be so epic! We can have bragging rights, and if we die, we at least left here in the most cool way ever! Unless of course the only reason it's locked, is because the room is full of deadly poison, then it wouldn't be as cool, I don't know about you, but if I ever die, it should only be because I did something very cool-"

"Like trying to fucking murder yourself by skating down the stairs??"

"Yeah. Something like that. Thanks, Kitkat, I knew you'd get me."

"Kitkat??!! Don't fucking call me that, you spewing magpie! My name's Karkat, not that you will ever need it, because our conversation ends here! Never talk to me again!" Karkat yelled. That would probably have prompted another detention, but for once, Karkat was lucky, and the seventh-year student had left the room five minutes prior to fetch their homework so they could work on it until the detention would be over in half an hour.

Those thirty minutes couldn't pass soon enough.

"Karkat?"

"Kaaarkaaaat"

Kaaaaaaaaaaaarkiiiittyyy"

"Kitkat?"

"Karkles"

"Karkat, are you ignoring me??"

"If you ignore me for much longer, I'll DIE! I need attention to live!" and with that dramatic speech, Dave toppled over the cauldron he was cleaning, getting sticky, black goo on his robes. Karkat still ignored him. Dave would give up eventually. But unfortunately for Karkat, he didn't know his housemate that well. And he had no idea how far Dave would go to get what he wanted.

It was silent for a few blessed moments.

"You killed me, Kitkat… My blood is on your hands… now…" Dave whispered and gave a final death rattle and mistakenly sticking his tongue out. And thereby accidentally touching the dirty cauldron. He flinched back with a scream that made Karkat burst out laughing. The first time he'd laughed in weeks. It felt good. And to imagine it was the pest, Dave, that made him do it.

His head hurt

Dave shot him a relieved smile, not that it was noticed by the laughing kid. Dave was happy. He'd been worried he wouldn't gain any friends, as he was pretty hard to get along with, and while Karkat had seemed like an unappreciable guy, he'd already heard some nasty rumors about the guy, both in Diagon Alley and on the train. And these rumors hadn't lessened a bit, since their arrival at the school. Getting sorted into the same House as Karkat had been a sign to Dave to immediately befriend the guy. Dave knew from personal experience that nobody wanted to talk to, let alone, befriend the weird guy, that everyone was gossiping about. It had taken hours, and the short, angry kid already hated Dave, but now it seemed that Karkat could potentially warm up to him. Maybe. Yeah… Maybe…

He hoped.

~naknaknak~

After the detention, they headed to the common room together, in higher spirits, joking around. That was, until they met one, Rose Lalonde.

A/N: I imagine that most of you would recognize what I was referencing in Karkat’s little rant, but if there’s an unlucky soul that either don’t know it, or if I was not that great in writing it, I’ll let you know that it’s the Greek myth about Orpheus who lost his wife (Eurydice), and traveled to the underworld to get her back. Most people already know this myth so I'm not gonna blab on about it. Cheers! (I also quickly want to mention that again, the way Karkat is thinking about the different houses are merely a by-product of his upbringing and rumors he's heard. I, the author don’t think that way. So, when Karkat associates Slytherins with wolves, that's just because he's a dramatic child that believes everything Kankri told him and from what Karkat can tell how Caliborn acts.

Over and out - TL!

#homestuck #homestuck fanfiction #karkat vantas #dave strider #chapter 7 #homestuck harry potter crossover #homestuck at hogwarts

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huge6s-blog · 7 years

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RANDOM FACTS ABOUT THE MUN.

Repost, not reblog! Tag 6 muns you would like to get to know better when done!

Name: Kaitlyn! Please, for the love of god, never use it.

Nickname: Katy, Kat, variations; (Katydid, Katybug, Kitkat, etc.) But if you wanna call me something else, that’s fine too!

Age: 22! Simultaneously too old and a wee bab, lmao

Faceclaim: Not something I do! I could never pick just one, besides maybe my own face! (I’d thought about using Shuu Iwamine or Rize Kamishiro before, if that says anything haha)

Pronouns: Your highness/My liege She/Her! But “they/them” is good too.

Height: ~5’6”-5’7”; I can’t remember the last time I checked.

Birthday: Poppin’, obviously March 30th.

Aesthetic: Purple and black?? EGNautilus scientists tittering excitedly over adorable or exciting sea creatures. Omnipresent Mountain Dew cans, fast food and colorful kneesocks. 2AM adventures on clear nights in summer that last until dawn starts sending it’s first beams into the sky. Spacey FPS games and cutesy RPG and Pokemon games interspersed throughout. Weathered frames and tired eyes. ROBOTS… I have no idea, man. A lot of things!

Last song you listened to: “The Thief and the Moon” by Shawn James!

Favourite muse(s) you’ve written: kfkjdf. Sixes definitely counts,, Uhh. My first was a canon-divergent Eridan, who I’d played before Act 6 was even close to being a thing! And he was a lot of fun. Accidentally made a “do not that” meme that still sometimes plagues me to this day ldkfdk A dream-bubble/dead Karkat who’d been murdered in his timeline’s Gamzee’s rampage and only had one eye, he was a biiiig favorite. I loved having enough energy for that all; typing that much shittalk??? Was one of the most fun things I’ve ever done in roleplay, holy shit. Entire fucking PAGES of just these absolutely USELESS rants because that nubby little shit had so much passion for it. Fuck. I loved Karkat. A bloodswapped, cobalt-blooded Karkat who was also post-game for a pre-established timeline where trolls and humans co-existed on the same planet(s). He was a Thief of Blood and a massive asshole; at his worst, he was manipulative, isolative, vengeful, restless… But also, he was a really big dork??? He LOOOOOVED spy movies and probably popped boners regularly for Black Widow and James Bond or the Kingsmen. Fucking nerd. He fancied himself a spy; his best friend was a badass hacker, and they’d (F)LARP together as a stereotypical “you hack, I’ll infiltrate” team. Before Earth, he never cared about Christmas, but one year his richass neighbourhood started putting up flashy decorations and he got jealous, so he stole a shitton of them to make his own house look the best. He’s so… So stupid. I love him so much. And of course, jumping off the Homestuck bandwagon; I have Lv/Hadz! My dorky, sadsack pun machine. A (sort of, mostly) secret post-genocide Sans; the Bad Run™ had been reset after completion, but something went wrong, so he remembers it. Still, he’s been running for like, two years now! So he’s had a lot of time to go and bury all that as deeply as monsterly possible lmaooo. He’s distrusting, paranoid, and isolative himself; but he’s probably the most all-around good guy on this list. He just wants to get on with his life and never have to fight anyone ever again, lmfao. I… I also have a few OCs, but you’ll have to pry those out of my cold, dead hands. … Carefully. With lots of reassurance. (I’m very shy…)

What inspired you to take on your current muse (that you are posting this on): I like… Undertale. And I like Underfell enough that once the idea was presented to me, my mind kinda ran away with it, haha. It started with Hopper, my weird UF Sans! But it feels like every time I approach the AU I have slightly different ideas for it, pfft. I guess with Sixes, I wanted to step away from the skeletons for awhile! I was really excited about messing with Mettaton for it, because I… Really liked listening to the radio for awhile, haha. I thought it’d be kind of cool if instead of being really excited to be seen flaunting himself across a television set, he wasn’t so happy with how he turned out physically, and made his influence a little less directly visible. It fit in well with the seemingly common theme of conflict in Underfell, and things just really exploded from there! It’s hard to summarize in just a few short words. That said, Sixes probably wouldn’t have a blog at all if it wasn’t for tumblr user wibler’s- Sixes’ Sans!- mun coaxing me into giving it a shot! She has a lot of faith in my creative abilities. I dunno what I’d do without her support through the past few years, heheh. She’s neat.

What are your favourite aspects of your current muse: LOUD ANGRY ROBOT LMFAO Shit though, I dunno! I like writing a character who goes through the bipolar disorder motions, the manics and the depressives. I love watching him go hot and cold on characters as he flipflops through his impulses and subsequent regrets. I love that in his timeline, everyone knows him while he himself actually… Hardly knows anyone at all. He’s made himself untrustworthy, and in turn doesn’t trust anyone, either, so he hardly ever opens up beyond… You know. Angry screaming, or shameless flirting and flattery, ignoring personal space bubbles… I love that his Sans being absent kind of smacked him on the nose, because that was someone he was actually making a connection with, but tried to play it off like Sans was just another moment in his life so he kind of treated him like a dick lmao. Deadass knew the poor little dude had anxiety issues and scared him on purpose, made joking death threats, joked about flirting with his shittyass brother… Sixes was such a prick. Fuck. And he realizes that! And after ditching his family just to have a cataclysmic fallout with his other BFF, Alphys, Sans disappearing… It’s something he blames himself for. It kind of sobered him up a little to the way his actions affect people. AND DESPITE EVERYTHING, HE STILL USES HIS CAMERAS (THAT HE STOLE FROM ALPHYS IN A PETTY FIT) SCATTERED ACROSS THE UNDERGROUND AND HIS SHITTY TRAP ROOMS IN HOTLAND TO PUBLICALLY HUMILIATE RANDOM CITIZENS IN A WIPEOUT-ESQUE PODCAST ON THE UNDERNET. At least that assholitude earns him money, though! Fuck. I also reaaallly love how different AUs bring out different aspects of his character, but that’s a rant for another time or place! Hoo. I dunno, man. I could go on about Sixes for like, ever. He’s a really fun muse.

What’s your biggest inspiration when it comes to writing: I’m… I’m not even gonna lie, a lot of it is the positive feedback lmao. I don’t, uh. Do much these days, creatively or recreationally speaking, and I don’t really have a lot of friends IRL… Er, any, actually, if you’re only counting closehand. All my friends live hundreds of miles away, and it sucks. But this is… Simultaneously social and creative. I get to talk to people, and make friends, and toss creativity back and forth with people, and it’s really fulfilling. I love to be a part of other people’s creative processes! I love seeing what other people do with THEIR characters, and when we all??? Interact??? Mother of God, it’s such a treat! Everyone’s so creative and impressive and inspiring… And hearing/seeing us all go back and forth about what we admire in each other… I’m pretty happy with just being a part of writing, and telling other people that I love what they do! But every now and then it comes back around to me in little ways, and it feels really special. It’s hard to imagine anyone liking my stuff past a “they’re pretty cool I guess, yeah” sentiment, despite my glittering impression of a lot of the writers in the community; so when someone DOES say they like my stuff, even just by saying they like a drawing, or like the way I described something, I go OFF THE WALL LMAO. Straight up dissolve and slip through the floorboards a la Gaster style with how lovely it feels. Shucks… And, you know. Watching characters develop in general- whether they be mine or not- is really fulfilling and inspiring. A good cycle.

Favourite types of threads: Anything that feels meaningful! I love it when two characters make any kind of connection, despite the context. That said, typically “angst” and “fluff” style threads are a big favorite, but there has to be, like… you know. Meaning to it. It feels really… I dunno, cardboardy to just throw a muse into a woodchipper for no particular reason just to have them drag themselves to another muse begging for help or to have a chance to explain some kind of deep, edgy feeling or story. Baseless fluff has a lot more wiggle room lmao, but that can get really monotonous really quick if something more significant fails to spark somewhere along the line. Just so long as something’s getting achieved somehow, I guess! If it feels like nothing’s changed between the two at the end of the thread, it feels really unfulfilling and hollow.

Biggest struggle in regards to your current muse: URRRGH. IMPLEMENTING THE RADIO SHOW/PODCAST THING… On one hand, Sixes has kind of collected the idea that the multiverse is a very indifferent place towards the goings-on within his timeline! And, he supposes, that that suits him fine. Hurts his pride a little, but it’s something he’s just going to curl up and lick his wounds for, pfft. But still! I wish I knew how to make it a little more obvious and prominent- The same could go for his growing industry, too! I guess I’ve just been jobless too long to really have a feel for it like I should, oof… Additionally, drawing him is reALLY HARD… He’s in his classic box form most of the time because he’s really insecure about his EX form, and yet I draw his EX form more than anything because the box is frustrating to draw??? And despite it all, I’m still not sure I’m terribly happy with how his EX form looks!!! He’s supposed to be a little closer to a NEO design than initially planned, as Alphys fully intended him to be a KILLING MACHINE from the start without telling him! But he caught on early on, and they kind of bullied each other into compromising a bunch of things until he was just this “hideous” mess that neither of them were terribly happy with… So, you know. The indecision carried over to me too, evidently! Ugh.

Tagged by: nah! Just stole it was all. (from slobbyseconds/coolskeletonsdontcry forever ago, but just got around to now. kfjf)

Tagging: Anyone who wants to! @ me back if you do it, though; I love reading these things!

#q #ooc #repost dont reblog #long post //#ooc about #these r fun. i love talking #munday

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everlind · 7 years

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I was going through all my unfinished and rejected text files (there’s… quite a few). So, instead of leaving them to collect dust on my computer, I decided hey, why the hell not. Think of these as the roughest of rough doodles. Doodles that might be missing hands. Or are all drawn in side-profile. Most of these are NOT finished.

This one is actually finished!

FOOL ME ONCE

Pale skin, scruffy clothes, blue eyes. Human. Your eyes catch and stumble, but he’s already lost in the busy throng of the market. There’s no reason for you to come to a complete stop, but you do, skimming the crowd.

Gone. A beefy rustblood nearly knocks into you into a cart with de-spined slimeslugs. “Walk much?” she sneers.

You bare your fangs on reflex. It’s merely the usual polite half-distracted scorn twaddle, because she moves on and you turn toward the cart.

“Wow, what was her problem huh?”

You start, look to your left and there he is. All elbows and knees, hair like a bird’s nest, sly smiling. There’s no way you’re not noticing that half translucent skin, the blue-not-blue running in clears streaks like fucking targets. With effort, you drag your eyes up to his face. He grins wider.

Smooth, Karkat, you groan inwardly.

“You don’t look from around here,” he says, winking.

It’s one of the stalest pick-up lines in the pitch book. A quip about conquering Earth is in your camp, but he’s standing there, glowing in the red wash of the sun’s fading light, all bare-throated and human fragile, with only a single sinkhole of a quadrant accounted for.

“Yeah, and I suppose someone like you would know all about that, huh?” you sneer, eyes lingering over ragged hems of his jacket, his untagged ears and sharp, hungry face.

“I do actually,” he retorts. “What’s the moirail of the Grand Highblood-in-waiting looking for in the slum district, hm? I’m betting it’s not to buy a quad of slimeslugs.” He gestures at the cart.

“How d—“ you begin, and swallow the rest back down like a mouthful of acid. Too late, the other guy’s smiling so brightly all his flat useless cud-chowing teeth are on display.

“Ah!” he taps the side of his nose. “I have my ways. Also the pin in your lapel, dumbass.”

Fuck. You look down, hands moving up to tuck it back out of sight but it is, still meticulously hidden away under the gray silk tie. How—?

“Hehe,” he winks again. His irises are the purest indigo you’ve ever seen, even on a goddammed highblood. Weird. “So mister moirail, maybe I could help you find what you’re looking for? I know my way… around.” His eyes sweep you up and down, linger.

Is. Is this guy flirting with you? You don’t even know if he is, but it’s working, why is it working? And then, right on the heels of that, understanding slamming into your pan like rail runner: an pretty thing like him willingly approaching you, a troll? Hah. Not even in your dreams. Although… he doesn’t seem dressed like a conciliatory hire and he’s a bit too tall and rangy, most trolls like ‘em smaller and softer than that. Still really attractive though.

Damn it. Yeah, there’s no way, just no fucking way, he’s just messing with you. Rage and humiliation helps wash away the tingling, naive warmth already high up enough to warm your cheeks. Enough of this bullshit.

“Something you wanted?” you snarl, allowing your vocal box to thrum a subsonic warning at him; back off unless you have a cull wish, runt. He’s untagged, unowned, unwanted, worthless, human, nobody would care if you clawed open his bowels like hatching day present.

The idiot just continues to smile at you, aggressively amiable, like he’s perfectly aware of that, but isn’t worried at all, the cocky pink shit. Or maybe he’s just fucked in the pan, it happens sometimes. “Maybe,” he answers. He’s close. When did he get so close? Quirks an eyebrow. “Depends on what you want,” he offers.

The words fall like hot lumps of carbonized vegetable matter into your gut, and you have to swallow before you can answer. “You’re really forward, aren’t you.”

He grins, and it’s not altogether nice. “You have no idea,” he breathes, touching blunt-nailed fingers to the side of your jaw and leaning in. His mouth is fever hot, mammal warm and sultry, he’s kissing you full on the mouth, steady and firm, with just enough catch at the sweet inside of his lips to make your bloodplusher beat hard around the sudden surge of sheer, flushed wanting.

It’s been so long since you were touched like this.

You kiss him back, make a little noise you didn’t mean to make, reach for his face— only to find he’s slipping through your fingers, stepping back, stepping away. You get a glimpse of the look on his face, wide-eyed and startled, before he turns and takes off. He’s gone before you can blink, swallowed by the meandering stream of marketgoers.

You stare after him in numb consternation, thinkpan revving uselessly.

“Better holler for the patrocullers, kid.” It’s the slimeslug swindler, shaking his head at your glubcurdling idiocy. “He got ya good he did.”

What the fuck is he talking about… oh. Oh no. No, no no no ohnohefuckingdidn’t. Did he? You pat your pockets. Pat them again. Fondle the ones on your glutes for good measure and he fucking did, he did, he stole your wallet and you’re going to-

“—fucking wring that grubnugget’s little bobblehead straight of his shoulders and slide his squeal pipette full of my fresh, radioactive hate until he chokes on it. DO YOU HEAR ME?” You scream, shaking with fury. “I WILL SLICE OFF YOUR OILY, MALFORMED HUMAN NETHERS AND SET UP A STALL RIGHT HERE, PANDERING YOUR MALODOROUS GENITALIA SO ALL THESE UGLY FUCKS CAN HUMP THEMSELVES THOSE FINAL PRECIOUS INCHES INTO OBLIVION.”

“Hey now,” the swindler says.

“Fuck you, fuck you with a rusty culling fork I cannot believe you stood there and let him rob me.”

He seems wholly unimpressed with both your plight and temper. “First time to th’ market, ey?”

You stab a finger at him. “Stay. Stay right the fuck there because I’m going to fucking kill that little crotch sniffer and then I’ll be back for you.”

“Aight,” he agrees, easy as you please. “Better up an’ get yer legs marchin’ if you wanna play tag.”

Livid, you storm off, in the approximate direction you think he went. Hope he went. Probably went. Fuck. Oh sweet shrieking Gl'bgolyb, you’re going to kill that fucker, your hemochrome card was in there. The quote-unquote “special” one Sollux made for you so you wouldn’t get your mutant ass culled as soon as you farted loud enough for the drones to smell it. If you get ID’d on the way home you’re grubloaf. Which, of fucking course, is extremely likely as you need to cross into the first precinct. You’re so dead.

Past you is a complete idiot.

As the shadows lengthen and pool between the houses lining the streets, lanterns wink to life. All the colors of the hemospectrum united as paper-encased lights, strung overhead. The dusk market falls apart around you, merchants packing up and hurrying to perform their proper caste-assigned duties. There’s more humans out and about than you’ve ever seen in either of the other two districts and every flash of dark hair and pale skin turns your head, has you ready to charge, but it’s never him.

At midnight, you find yourself as good as alone in the deserted streets, right back where you started and empty handed. To think you ventured all the way to the third precinct to see if you could get your hands on a kaleidoscope. Only humans waste their already short, pointless lives making trinkets for grubs and you wanted to buy one for your moirail so badly.

Instead you got robbed.

Fuck your hot life.

“Still here, huh?”

Tired, you turn to face him, find the street empty. Look up.

There he is, backlighted by a rainbow of lanterns, perched on a stack of crates, crunching an apple. He doffs an imaginary hat at you, grinning.

“If I ever get my hands on you I’ll fucking strangle you.”

“Aw shucks,” he goes, pouting. There’s a smear of powered sugar near the corner of his mouth. At least you know where your boonbucks went. “And here I thought you liked me.” And then he leaps down from the crates, landing with a hollow thud on the filthy cobblestones, right in front of you.

“I could kill you right where you stand and nobody’d care,” you inform him pleasantly, all your fangs on display.

“Very true,” he nods. Cocks his head at you with clinical interest. “Are you going to?”

He’s got nerve, this one. Shit, you… you like it, you like it a lot. You envy it, because he has nothing, yet somehow everything, and it’s all right there standing before you with a droll little smile on his face, scraping the last meat from the apple’s core and waiting for you to do your worst.

And you realize, with a horrified pang, you’re going to do exactly jack fucking shit. Because you like him. You like the thieving shitheel. A lot. Damn it.

Something on his face goes from mischief to some kind of… of wondering comprehension. And when his mouth goes slantwise to crook up into a smile, it’s genuine. It’s real, no act. You think. You hope.

“That was a really nice kiss,” his voice has gone all soft and shy, too sincere suddenly. “Here.”

He tosses you something, and you catch it. Your wallet.

You turn it over between your paws, shaking your head a little. No need to check for your money, it won’t be there, for all he’s showing you that pretty smile. “Wow. Gee. Thanks for returning my empty wallet to me after you robbed me. How thoughtful.”

“Heh,” a rueful huff of sound, barely a laugh. “But I got you something nice to make it up to you.”

When he reaches behind his back your first instinct is to grab him by the throat and crack his skull open on the unforgiving ground -which you don’t, you don’t, even though your hand shot out, you don’t, because his chin comes up and he goes very still and you can see his pulse fucking wave at you from under that damnably fragile skin.

It’s not a weapon. Of course it’s not a weapon. Well. Actually, you’d be less than surprised, with how unpredictable everything about this… this… whatever the fuck this even is has been. But still, not a weapon.

Oh fuck. That bastard. You resist the urge the smack him. Smack yourself instead, clapping your palm to your pan. “Flowers,” you deadpan. “I wonder how you paid for those.”

“Aw, c’mon,” he holds them out to you. “Looksee, they’re kitten lilies, like your name. Karkat, kittykat, crabbykat.”

At ten sweeps you’ve seen a lot of weird shit, but this is really one of the fucking strangest moments yet. You accept the flowers, bought with your own money stolen by the same stranger that kissed you, and still somehow, stupidly, feel flattered. They’re fresh enough they still purr.

“…fuck,” you breathe out, swallowing around the sudden knot in your throat.

“Uhm,” mister pickpocket suggests ever so eloquently. “Maybe. Maybe we could kiss again. Sometime.”

You stare at him, clutching the bouquet to your chest. The lilies mew plaintively. “You robbed me.”

“Only a little.”

“You’ve probably done this to a whole stack of equally moronic losers.”

“Just a few.”

“You really think I’m a goddamn idiot, don’t you?”

He looks at you, almost wistfully. “I promise I won’t steal your wallet. You know. Again.”

“You already took everything,” you point out through gritted teeth.

He makes a ‘there you go’ sort of gesture, eyes bright and amused. Then amends it with a shrug. “I meant like, when you come back.”

You scoff, loud with derision, and take quite some vicious delight from his guilty flinch. “Give me one good reason.”

That uneven smile is back, the real one. “I wasn’t lying earlier you know. I could help you find what you’re looking for. I know a dude who makes real nifty kaleidoscopes.”

And again the “How—“ is out of your mouth before you stop yourself.

“I’ll tell you how,” he promises. The whole hemospectrum is painted across his face in soft, glowing patches. “If you come back.”

It’s not good enough a reason to come back, and you both know it. But you’re going to, and you both know that, too. It wasn’t just your wallet he stole.

#Homestuck #johnkat #fic #mine #drabble #this was someone prompt #like centuries ago #WELP HERE YOU GO HAHAHA #DOn't look at me

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blatherkatt · 7 years

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Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Chapter 6: 3/20, Part 2

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of neglect and abuse, mentions of terrorist activities, violence, blood (very minor); Illustrated

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

Dave stretched out on the futon and flicked on the TV, letting himself relax a little for the first time in ages. There was no sign of Bro, and the window had been open, a sure sign he was out somewhere (Bro never left using the main stairs or even through the maintenance hall like Dave sometimes did — as far as the owners of this apartment complex knew, Dave was the only person living in this unit, and Bro went to great lengths to keep it that way. Always did, every time they moved to a new apartment.), which was awesome, because the guy had been watching Dave like a fuckin’ hawk with a grudge for six damn days now.

“Karkat, you sure you don’t wanna come out?” he called. “He’s definitely gone, and I mean, I don’t know when he’s gonna be back, exactly, so you can’t be out here for long, but my bedroom and the bathroom can’t be the best scenery in the long term, man. Stretch your legs or whatever.”

“I am not testing my luck, fuck you, I’m staying right here,” Karkat called back.

“Suit yourself, man,” Dave shrugged. He flicked through a few channels. Nothing on right now but reruns, damn.

He spent about an hour watching the kind of shitty movie he’d normally be all over, happily riffing it to shreds on his own, but there was something restless in him today, he couldn’t get into it. It was starting to piss him off. He heaved a sigh as the protagonist blundered through another incredibly forced scene, and reached for the remote again, clicking through a few more channels.

It was the news that made him freeze. Normally he didn’t give too much of a shit, except, holy fuck, that was Bro, was this live?!

It was, it was absolutely live, holy shit. Bro was…was fighting some poor fucker on a rooftop, and there were police around, and that explosion meant that some of the Usuals were probably around, too, and Dave knew that building, it was like an hour away the way Bro travelled, even if he stopped fighting right the fuck now he’d need an hour to get back —

Karkat. He could — an hour was plenty of fucking time, he could grab some cash, bustle Karkat onto the nearest city bus and tell him to keep bushopping until the money was gone, come back and beat himself up and trash the place so it’d look like a jailbreak, this was the best fucking chance he’d have, holy shit —

Dave snapped out of his reverie with a jolt. Right, he needed to act right the fuck now, this was not the time to be zoning out about getting shit done, this was the time to actually get shit done. With probably the second or third least dignified scuffle of his life, Dave bolted back for his room and shoved the door open (it was unlocked, since Bro wasn’t here). Karkat nearly jumped out of his skin, but Dave didn’t have time to laugh or apologize or what the fuck ever, this was now or goddamn never —

“Dave, what the fuck?!” Karkat started, but Dave shook his head.

“I’m getting you out of here,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Like, right now, we gotta go right the fuck now.”

“Are — are you serious? Now?!”

“Dude, Bro’s like an hour away, this might be the only shot we have, c’mon!” Dave grabbed a jacket out of his closet (force of habit; he didn’t have any long sleeved shirts right now, and didn’t like attracting attention to the scars on his arms from bad strifes, so it didn’t matter if it was hot out, he was wearing a jacket) and picked up his sword (also a force of habit), tugging Karkat after him as he hurried out of the room.

“What — holy shit, Dave, okay, I get it, we gotta hurry, but do you even have a plan?!”

“Yeah, it’s called get you on a fuckin’ bus right this damn second. I’ll make it look like you fought your way out and stole a buncha cash, you just gotta keep bus hopping ’til you’re as far outta Houston as you can get, alright? You know how to ride a bus, right? Shit,” Dave said, grabbing a bunch of bills out of the stash Bro always kept in the kitchen, in that one cabinet you had to open super carefully to avoid getting buried in knives (Dave was a pro at raiding it by now, albeit usually for enough money to buy a sandwich, not a bus trip to the other side of the planet).

“I mean, I’ve ridden one before, yeah, it didn’t seem that complicated —”

“But do you know how to read the bus schedules and pay for your fare and shit, dude? Ugh, nevermind, I gotta show you where the nearest bus stop is, anyway, I’ll show you when we get there.” He shoved the wad of bills into his jeans pocket and grabbed Karkat around the wrist. “C’mon, we’re taking the elevator this time, no time for the damn stairs.”

Karkat followed after him, sporadically bursting out with hushed complaints. Dave barely noticed most of them. His own internal monologue was going so fast that he had no doubt his mouth wouldn’t have been able to keep up if he tried, but was still making some sort of effort. He was probably muttering all kinds of nonsense right now, but who cared, who cared? The elevator dinged down way too damn slow, and as soon as it touched the bottom floor, Dave grabbed Karkat again and steered him towards another back entrance of the apartment complex, this one leading into a slightly different backstreet than the one Karkat had been smuggled in by. Dave always got pretty familiar with back alleys whenever Bro moved them to a new place; it was a good idea to know some other ways of getting around, just in case. These ones weren’t totally familiar to him, but the bus stop was near enough, he was sure…

Karkat stopped short as soon as they were out the door, throwing Dave off his stride. “Wait,” said Karkat, tugging Dave back to look at him.

“Dude, the fuck? We gotta hurry, man, what do you —”

“You should — you should come with me,” he said, and the fuckin’ sincerity in his bigass eyes was the only thing that kept Dave from laughing. “I know, you’ve got some idea that you can’t leave,” he continued, before Dave could recover enough to respond, “but, come the fuck on, let’s be real, you’re just as much of a fucking prisoner here as I am, and I don’t know jack shit about Earth transportation. We’ll stand a way better chance if we leave together!”

“I…” Part of Dave wanted to, recognized that he was at least right about the troll having a better chance with a guide who knew how buses worked, but that part got shut down immediately by the thought of Ben, staring down at him with sad eyes — “I can’t,” Dave said. “I told you, I can’t abandon him, he’s…he’s family, dude, I’m all he has.”

Karkat growled, an odd, clicky sound not entirely like any growl Dave had ever heard but unmistakeable nonetheless, and rolled his eyes. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Dave! I don’t know why the fuck you think he needs you, all he has or not, but I’m pretty fucking sure he’ll be just fine. You won’t be, though, and I sure as fuck won’t be!”

“‘I won’t?’ The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, come the fuck on,” Karkat said, “you’re the one who told me when we first fucking met that you weren’t sure he wouldn’t kill you —”

“I was joking, dude,” Dave hissed. “He wouldn’t, I’m family, I’m his goddamned son and I can take anything he can dish out just fuckin’ fine!”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re a big tough grub and all that hoofbeastshit. God, would you fucking look at yourself?! You’re half starved, beat up to hell and back, and he scares the shit out of you! This — whatever the fuck family means to you, this can’t be worth it!”

“The fuck do you know? You’re a god damn alien!”

“Yeah, and this fucking alien can see that this isn’t right, why the fuck can’t you?! Just shut up and come with me, you insufferable, pan-baked shitheaded —”

—A sound, high above, halfway through Karkat’s ranting. Dave couldn’t identify it, at this distance, not through Karkat’s voice. “Karkat, wait—”

“No, I’m not done! We’re both completely fucked in this situation, and you’re quite frankly fucking obnoxious, but sticking together is the best chance we mmfmpph mmpfpgh!!” Dave slapped a hand over Karkat’s mouth, hissing through his teeth.

“I heard something, shut the fuck up, I think something might have noticed us—”

That was a sound Dave knew all too well. Shattering glass, followed by a shadow passing overhead. Shit. Shit, shit, shit shit shitshitshitshit—

Dave shoved Karkat down the shadowed street. “Someone’s following us. Something, I don’t know, we gotta go, now, run!” he hissed. Karkat’s eyes somehow got even wider, and he nodded, tearing off after Dave as best he could. Dave didn’t run as fast as he could, even though he wanted to, fuck, but he couldn’t lose Karkat in the maze back here.

Stopping short and whirling around, he yanked the wad of cash out of his pocket and shoved it into Karkat’s hands, who’d stopped, wheezing, just after Dave did.

“You’re gonna wanna go straight, then left, then straight again, jump the little fence, and then just go towards the light and you’ll be right out by the bus stop,” Dave said, his words running into each other with how fast he was talking. “Take the first bus that shows up, the guy’ll probably tell you how to pay, you’ll have to get someone to show you how to read the schedules, just —”

“I’m not leaving without you,” Karkat hissed. Dave could hear how scared the poor guy was, fucking Christ.

“Look, if this is one of Bro’s guys, I got a way better chance of not dying than you do, none of them would kill me and risk pissing Bro off. I can hold ‘em off, but you gotta run. I’ll be fine, promise, alright?”

“No, fuck no!”

Dave groaned. “Holy shit, you stubborn jackass, you’re going to die if you don’t leave!”

“Come with me, then! Make sure I don’t! Like you said, I’m a fucking alien, how am I gonna survive on my own, huh? But if you come with me, we’ll both be free, and —”

A trash can tumbled over, making both boys jump. Dave slid into a fighting stance and drew his sword, shoving Karkat with his elbow as he did. “Fine, Jesus, I’ll catch up with you if I’m able!Run, Karkat, just run!” It was a lie. It was a bitter lie he had no intention of keeping, but that’d be alright, as long as Karkat got out of here.

The troll swallowed hard, nodded, and ran.

Dave didn’t watch him go. He turned his eyes back the way they’d come from, glaring into the shadows.

“Alright, whoever the fuck you are, let’s cut the shit and have ourselves a nice little chat, huh? No more of this bullshit sneaking around.”

He was answered by a pair of glowing red eyes, a distressing animal noise he didn’t recognize at all, and the growing sound of two pairs of running feet somewhere more distant, coming this way.

Well, shit, today just kept getting better, didn’t it?

He didn’t initially get a good look at what it was that jumped at him. It was a flash of white, something about the size of a German Shepherd, but whatever it was had claws and managed to slash small cuts across his eyebrow and the bridge of his nose. He shoved it away with the flat of his sword, and took a swipe at it, only for it to quickly roll away and hiss at him.

That. That was a dragon.

That was an actual fucking dragon, what the fuck.

Hissing and spitting, the dragon circled warily, its tail creeping up to its side, and oh shit, oh shit that thing was wearing a police uniform, were the police hiring dragons now what the fuck??

Red and blue lights strobed and flashed, casting harsh shadows on the narrow, shadow walls of the back street. Shit. Did this count as getting seen by the police, Dave wondered. He could hear Bro’s voice now, he was going to be fuckin’ crucified for this, oh God —

The approaching footsteps caught up, finally. Good news: two trolls, definitely not Bro’s goons. Bad news: They were definitely with the police. Probably that weird hybrid police officer-slash-Alternia whatchamacallit Dave had heard about. One of them fired off some rapid Alternian to the dragon, which turned its head and then, abruptly, lunged at Dave — no, lunged over Dave, managing a short glide despite the narrowness of the alley. The other troll, the one that hadn’t spoken, moved to follow it. Dave did his best to block their way, but his blade failed to connect, blocked instead by another. The second troll got by just fine and followed after the dragon.

“Oh, no, you don’t,” said the troll who’d spoken. She had a cane and dark red glasses — shit, was she blind? Except her cane was apparently a sword cane — two sword canes, in fact, wow, that was just fuckin’ excessive. “We have some questions for you, citizen,” the troll said, grinning with a mouth full of fuckin’ knives, hot damn. “You’re under arrest, I’m afraid,” she finished.

Dave shoved her away as best he could, flashstepping back a couple feet. “Like hell I am,” he said. He moved to chase after the dragon and the other officer — shit, maybe it’d be better to just let them catch Karkat, the guy hadn’t done anything wrong, but Dave still needed to run —

He quickly found himself making introductions with the ground. The troll had tossed one of her blades so that it spun like a propeller, knocking into Dave’s ankles and sending him off balance. He was almost instantly back on his feet, though; plenty of practice getting knocked around had taught him how to get back up quickly. The troll used the time to get around him, though, blocking off his escape.

He could head back toward the building, he guessed, except, no, that’d be leading the fucking police right to the apartment, shit. He had to fight her, then. He had no idea how the fuck he was getting out of this, but, whatever, they had three swords between them and an obvious conflict of interests, so, alright, fine, let’s go, let’s fucking go, it’s on like Donkey Kong with a —

No time for that. Blades clashed in the alley, hard; sparks flew off to the side and Dave felt the force of the blow rattling up his left forearm in that painful tinge that warned that his old wrist injury was not going to make this easy. He brushed it off, tried to meet her blows — fuck, this was no fair, she was dual wielding, but that was alright, he was used to fighting people with way more experience and all kinds of unfair advantages, he could figure it out on the fly. No big deal.

(Of course, that other person was always Bro, and Dave had never once beaten him, but. Whatever. He’d be okay, he’d figure it out —)

Clash, again. There was blood in his eye, fuck, that scratch from the little dragon was affecting his vision, and the alley was dark and all he’d eaten today was half a bag of Doritos, fuck —

Clash, clash, clash, a feint here, a swipe there, his hands were getting sweaty and the time was ticking away, there wasn’t enough room to maneuver well in this fucking backstreet, everything was awful, Christ, he had to get out of here before —

Before he lost his balance again, yeah, exactly like that. Crashed to the ground, winded from again bony-ass elbow right to the goddamn diaphragm, aware vaguely of his shades clattering off to the side and his sword crashing out of his grip.

He didn’t get a chance to get up again this time. The troll pressed her boot against his chest, tipped one of the blades against his throat, and grinned.

“You’re under fucking arrest.”

“Yeah, I got that.”

“Fine, Jesus! I’ll catch up with you if I’m able! Run, Karkat, just run!”

Karkat felt some of his breath forced out at Dave’s elbow digging into his ribs, and he stumbled. He looked back, a retort on his tongue, but…

His pump biscuit felt like it was hammering at his throat in some desperate attempt to leave his body.

There was nothing he could do, Karkat realized; he was nowhere near as fast as these crazy flickery humans, he didn’t even have a weapon.

Feeling like an even bigger coward than he had the day he’d agreed to leave Alternia, Karkat swallowed hard, nodded solemnly to Dave, and ran. He didn’t believe Dave for a fucking second, but maybe…

He’d…he’d find a way to help, he thought as he ran. He could…Terezi! He could get Terezi, she was some sort of weird hybrid legislacerator, right? If anyone could rescue Dave, she could! He’d get away like Dave said, then find a computer or a phone and get Terezi, tell her everything he knew, where he’d been, and she could get Dave away from Strider.

(It was a desperate hope, but thanks to how much of his energy was being syphoned into breathing and keeping his legs moving as fast as he fucking could, he didn’t register how completely insane a chance the entire thought was. Besides, the thought that maybe he could find a way to get Dave out alive was the only thing keeping guilt from completely tearing him apart.)

It wasn’t until he was confronted with a great stone wall that Karkat realized he’d taken a wrong turn.

Shit. Shit, he couldn’t risk backtracking, shit — someone was coming, oh God, he had to hide, there was a big metal trash receptacle that he could duck behind and pray whoever was after him didn’t spot him, he dove for cover and wrapped his arms over his head, as the clicking sound of his pursuer grew ever louder —

He screeched as a heavy weight landed on him, knocking him over backwards. He started to fight, tried to push it off — and as soon as his arms were away from his face, something long, damp, and slightly sticky dragged across his cheek.

“Augh, what the fuck —” he blinked, completely disbelieving. No…No way. “Pyralspite?! There is no fucking way - how the fuck!?” The little dragon trilled, her entire body wiggling, and licked Karkat’s face again. She had on some sort of little black outfit, and these strobing red and blue lights flashed, lighting up the dead end Karkat had bumbled into, but there was no doubt, this was definitely Pyralspite.

“Holy shit,” Karkat breathed. All the tension suddenly left him at once, and he flopped flat against the ground. “Holy fucking shit,” he said. Another deep breath, and he switched to Alternian, saying, “Pyralspite, I have no idea how the fuck you’re here, but I have never been so happy to get licked in the face in my entire life. Oh, my God…Is Terezi nearby? Can you — wait, who’s coming? Shit, get off me, get off, God dammit you dumbass dragon get the fuck off me.”

A new pair of footsteps was echoing closer off the walls. Pyralspite trilled again, but did finally hop off of Karkat (only after licking his face one last time, gross). Around the corner came…a troll, thank fuck, it was a troll; an oliveblood in some sort of costume that looked enough like Terezi’s uniform for Karkat to assume that they knew her.

“Hey,” they said, “you the friend Pyrope came looking for?”

“Uh, probably?” Karkat answered. “I mean…that’d make sense, actually, yeah. Yeah, I am, holy fuck can you please get me out of here.”

The oliveblood chuckled gently. “That’s what we’re here for, kid,” they said. “C’mon, we got an extra squad car on the way, we’ll get you somewhere safe.”

Exhaustion hit him like a red-hot right hook to the bone bulge, and for several exhausted, stumbling minutes, he silently allowed the troll to guide him. Karkat never thought he’d be glad to see sunlight, but fuck, getting out of the shadows of those buildings was a relief.

Less of a relief was the sound that greeted his ears from a little ways up the street. Two police cars were parked next to each other, and he could see Terezi, twirling a folded pair of sunglasses, along with two human officers, who were struggling with a very vocal, very familiar human teen.

“Fuckin’ — I know my damn rights, fuck you, fuck all of you, I’m not going and you can’t make me!”

“You have the right —”

“I wasn’t doin’ anythin’ wrong, y’all got nothin’ on me, this is horseshit, y’hear? I will bust the fuck out of this bullshit, goddamn army couldn’t hold me —”

“You have the —”

“At least give me my fuckin’ shades back, holy shit, let me have some damn dignity.”

“Nope!” cackled Terezi, as one of the human cops finally managed to shove Dave into the car.

“You have the right to remain silent,” wheezed the human cop, slamming the door shut. Karkat could see Dave sticking his tongue out at the officer through the window. Karkat swore under his breath and ran toward them, ignoring the shout of surprise from the oliveblood.

“Terezi, wait!” Karkat shouted. More running was the last thing his legs wanted to do right now, but fuck it, he wasn’t about to — yeah, he’d hoped to get Terezi involved, but he’d wanted Dave rescued, not fucking arrested!

Too late, Terezi turned toward Karkat. The car with Dave inside was already pulling out and driving off. Karkat caught a glimpse of Dave’s face as it sped away.

Without the shades, reading him was like a damn book, and the fear in Dave’s eyes made something in Karkat break.

“Geez, Karkat,” Terezi was saying. “It’s just like you to get kidnapped at the worst possible time. The good ole’ Vantas curse strikes again, huh?” She was grinning, teasing; Karkat was sure she probably did mean some of it on some level, but the tone of her voice made it clear that relief for Karkat’s safety overrode any irritation she might actually feel.

Karkat didn’t have time to care, even if he was really, really fucking glad to see her. “Terezi, you can’t — you can’t let them prosecute him, he’s not a bad guy!”

Terezi raised an eyebrow. “He wasn’t exactly acting innocent,” she said. “You okay there, Karkat? Because he tried to stop me from rescuing you. With a sword.”

“Well, yeah, of course he did,” Karkat said. “He’s been like, fucking conditioned to not trust the police or something, probably, I wouldn’t put that past that Strider bastard. Speaking of whom, that’s who you should be blaming for this! He didn’t want to fucking grubnap me, but Strider fucking forced him to either do that or kill me, and the fact that I’m alive should clue you in to which he chose! He fucking — he was trying to help me escape, he thought we were getting chased by some of Strider’s goons!”

“Holy shit,” said the oliveblood. “You seriously got taken by one of Strider’s men and survived?”

“I don’t know that I’d call him one of Strider’s men,” said Karkat. “More like actually taken hostage by Strider him fucking self, and it’s only thanks to Dave that I’m goddamn alive, which is why you shouldn’t be arresting him! He’s not dangerous, he’s just a scared fucking kid!”

“Wait,” Terezi said, her smile dropping. “Da-did you say his name was Dave?”

“Yeah?” Karkat said. “I don’t get how that’s important right now, but —”

“His name is Dave,” said Terezi.

“Yes, I’ve said that like three times now, Terezi, fuck.”

“And he lives with Strider.”

The oliveblood made a sound that gave Karkat the impression of choking on air.

“Yeah…?” Karkat was really getting confused, but apparently this meant something to Terezi.

“Holy shit,” Terezi muttered after a long moment. “Holy…holy shit, that was him, holy —” She didn’t wait around to explain anything to Karkat. Instead, she turned on her heel and practically ripped open the passenger side door on the remaining police car, snatching fiercely at a small radio on the dashboard. “This is Pyrope, calling in —”

“There you are, fuck! It was a damn catastrophe over here, everything went sour, the guy was onto us from the —”

“Yeah, I know, I heard you all bitching about it earlier. That’s not the issue at hand, though! Dirk, where is Dirk?”

“Uh, he sustained some minor injuries, and we’re letting him rest since he seems pretty shaken up, so…”

“I need him back at the precinct. Tell him to get back to the precinct,” she hissed.

“What, now?”

“No, sometime in the next month, we can arrange a fucking tea party. Yes, now!!”

“Uh…we’ll tell him, sure.”

The other end went silent. Terezi sat back and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Dave fucking Strider, Jesus Christ,” she muttered.

“Is there something I’m missing here?” Karkat said.

“It’s —” Terezi was interrupted by static on the police radio.

“Look, Pyrope, the kid’s had a long day. I can see him from here, he looks fuckin’ exhausted, and I really don’t think he’s up for this right now. Let’s let him rest a bit longer, huh?”

“God dammit, Powers,” Terezi barked, practically screaming, “You tell him to get his mopey fuckin’ ass back to the station now, damn you! This can’t wait! I don’t care how bad he got his feelings hurt, you get him back there!” Terezi dropped the radio and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Jesus Christ,” she said, “I get Dave fucking Strider in our custody after three damn years and his fuckin’ brother’s off brooding on me! Fuckin’ typical.”

#homestuck #dave strider #karkat vantas #terezi pyrope #davekat #longpost//#calmvsstormfic #calmvsstormchapter #fanfic #fanfiction #katt does a writing #NOW we can get this story started finally #pyralspite is getting So Many Treats after this #the Best Dragon #this originally happened in chapter tHREE gksjdshkdjh

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tashaleway · 5 years

Text

KVAAFCRS: Chapter Five: The Murderous Wand

The day had finally come. Karkat stood in front of the brick wall between the platforms nine and ten. He drew in a deep breath and stepped through the wall, followed by his brother, babysitter and said babysitter’s two girls, Damara and Aradia, where they was greeted by a huge, red train, named “The Hogwarts Express” and a horde of wizards, witches and their younglings. “See you later, kiddoes. Have a nice year and remember to give everybody a good dose of pranking, or I’ll disown you both!” Droog said to his daughters and laughed at the end, which sounded a bit mad, while the parents closest to them gave him a disgruntled look and took a few steps away, dragging their children with them, muttering under their breaths. Damara and Aradia sighed and nudged their father with their elbows in each side of his ribs.

“Stop being such a moron, dad!” Damara ordered, while Droog chuckled at her antics. She was finally speaking English, but Karkat thought that it would only continue in classes. Outside of them…. Well… nobody would have any real chance of understanding her…. Except for Aradia perhaps… “Do I hear a fellow prankster?” a female voice asked and an older girl emerged from the crowd, looking old enough to be in one of her last years at Hogwarts. She was a bit chubby, but it suited her and she had a big, mischievous smile, firmly on her lips. Even with her completely blue-dressed style, which matched her eyes, it was obvious, this was a girl you had better stay away from, or else you could wake up one morning with rainbow-coloured hair. “A pleasure to meet you, Miss. And yes, I am indeed a pranker, but sadly; none of my children have inherited those of my genes,” Droog answered with a mock-disappointed shake of his head, while wiping an imaginary tear away. “Allow me to introduce myself; Jane Crocker to your service and humiliation!” she hold out her arms to her sides and gave a bow. Karkat recognized the name as Mr. Goof Mcfoolian English’s twin sister. He wondered why they had different last names. It was most likely due some inter-family stuff, that wouldn’t concern him, even if it crawled up his ass and puked. That is, if he ever cared enough to ask. “Diamond Droog, and these are my lovely girls, Damara and Aradia Megido. The two brats are Kankri and Karkat Vantas. Those are not mine, and I will not be held responsible for whatever they do, unless it’s pranks, of course.” Karkat and Damara shoot Droog death glares, while Kankri looked offended and Aradia just smiled softly and shook her head. It seemed like even Aradia was excited about today too, otherwise, she would normally daydream about adventures and hidden treasures, and nobody would be able to get any response out of her, yet here she was, communicating with the world around her and responding to their words and actions. Karkat was so proud. They heard a warning whistle from the train, and Droog shooed the children away, Jane Crocker disappeared into the crowd, probably trying to find her parents and give a last goodbye, while the four Hogwarts students quickly grabbed their trunks, boarded the train and headed off to find a compartment, with a last wave at the imbecilic babysitter/father. Damara found some dorm mates of hers and dragged Kankri after her, saying something about letting his poor brother find his own friends and to be more social. Whomever the last comment were meant for, only she knew and left the two first years on their own in their hunt for a place to sit. Not so long after, they found a compartment filled with first years (recognized with their still blank ties), but with only one empty seat. Not knowing, when they would find another seat, Aradia shrugged in apology, before entering. Just before he left, Karkat noted the five other children inside; one was a tall, sweating boy with far too showing muscles for an eleven year old and broken sunglasses (why anyone would wear such things would be a mystery to Karkat); a girl with long, black hair, a mischievous smirk and a young Acromantula on her shoulder, which seemed to bother everybody else in the compartment, except for herself. Beside her was a small, nervous boy with a mohawk, who was looking through his trunk and robe pockets frantically. The two last children were Jade and John from the bookstore. Karkat walked briskly past the other compartments in order to not be seen; he really didn’t want another “talk” like the one in Flourish and Blotts. He didn’t know that he had already been noticed. ~naknaknak~ Finally, almost at the end of the train, he found empty compartment, which was rather weird, when you thought about all the other full ones and all the children on the train, but perhaps the train was just magical that way? Karkat had only just stepped inside, when he tripped on something long, round and thin, and fell face first onto the floor. “Fucking piece of shit!” he raged, while pulling himself to his feet to look closer at the pencil-alike thing, he had fallen over. “Shitting, bloody, murderous wand of an unborn, immobile object!” he yelled as he picked said wand up, but when he didn’t recognize it as his own, that was still in his pocket, he placed the wand on the opposite seat. After that was done, he pulled out a book and then put his trunk away. He spend the next moments, trying to focus on the words, while fuming and throwing insults all the way. It took a few minutes, before he had calmed enough to actually read the sentences in the book, without having to read them trice. Karkat didn’t know how long, he had been buried in the book, when the door slid open, it could have been everything from five minutes to five hours. Karkat looked reluctant away from his book to see, who the newcomer was, but the minute he recognized the boy, he went back to his book about Defence Against the Dark Arts, not wanting to face the other boy. It was something better avoided, if he could, or else Karkat would probably have another rage fit within minutes. “Karkat, right?” the boy asked and shifted nervously from foot to foot. Karkat huffed in response. “I… uh… can I sit here? There is full everywhere else.” Yeah right! Because it’s not like you just had a seat! Filthy liar. “Huh, that’s funny. I thought that you had a really nice seat with your cousin, but I was apparently wrong. My eyes mustn’t have worked properly, when I passed. I really should get them fixed, because I can’t really go around and make assumptions about people, can I?” John seemed to be even more nervous, as he deflated in on himself, but in the end, he reached his hand out for Karkat. “I think we got off wrong, so let’s try again. My name is John Egbert. I’m trying to avoid Jade; she is also a first year like me, but really weird. You?” the insecure, lopsided grin he flashed was slowly, but steady getting on Karkat’s nerves. Karkat frowned, but agreed anyway, while rolling his eyes. Egbert was right. They had come off the wrong foot, or maybe it was just Jake Frigging English’s fault, so in the end he grasped the hand and shook it firmly once and let go. “Karkat Vantas. I’m a big asshat and currently, I’m hoping that my brother will not find me before the year ends, but neither of us ever get our wishes granted. That’s how life is, deal with it, you assnugget.” While greeting the other boy, Karkat had noticed the appearing of a young girl, dressed in green, one Jade Harley. How life is just full of joy and happiness. “Nice to meet you Karkat. We really didn’t have the time for a real greeting earlier, did we?” she asked cheerful and startled John in the progress. “No, we didn’t, and I don’t give a living shit about it. Now; bye!” Karkat snarled and to be honest, he just wanted to be alone. Yes, John had (in his own pathetic way) tried to apologize for his older cousin’s behaviour, and Jade seemed nice, but Karkat already knew, that the moment, Jake saw them talking together, he would either put an end to it or make John and Jade see the world from his view. Why not just end the friendship, before it started? Besides, Would Karkat even want to be friends with two pieces of sunshine that seemed to shit rainbows? Not-bloody-likely! On the other hand, Karkat was sure that John already would get a lot of friends (he was just like that), so why would he need Karkat? “Hey! How can you be such an asshole?! Come John, we’re leaving!” Jade walked angrily out, followed by a reluctant John, who frowned at Karkat’s behaviour. Bye friendship! It was nice, almost seeing you there! Once again, Karkat’s thoughts were clouded and confusing. Firstly, he really wanted a friend. John, despite his cheerfulness, seemed all right, but secondly, something told him that it would just be best, if he didn’t come any near the boy. He didn’t know how, but something told him that the friendship would be frowned upon. Not that he would care, but that didn’t stop the new thoughts. It was like… something inside him, tried to guide him, despite him wanting the complete opposite. ~naknaknak~ Once more, the door opened, but it was neither John nor Jade, but instead, the boy with the Mohawk and a really tall kid with long, dark, messy hair, a far-away expression and…. clown paint?… on his face… What? “Hey, uhh…have you seen a wand around here?” Mohawk asked, but avoided looking Karkat in the eyes. For some retarded reason or the other. “Some older guys… stole it… and the Prefects can’t summon it…” the boy continued Karkat held up The Murderous Wand (as Karkat had just named it) and waved it back and forth to get the boy’s attention. “This one?” The boy nodded nervously, but with relief and eyed Karkat a bit suspiciously, as if he expected Karkat to mock him or break the wand. As Karkat had already had his fair share with bullies, he would never do something like that (unless they deserved it, of course). Absorbed by those thoughts, Karkat got a shock, when the tall, lanky boy began to speak. “Hey, little bro, didn’t see you there! Did you also see the disappearing wall? My Da´ told me just to walk through, and I did, ‘cause my Da’s super smart! Suddenly the brick wall wasn’t there anymore, instead there were soooo many people! And this train of course! It was like a miracle!” the boy rambled, while his eyes glanced over. He was probably far away, to the train station, long lost in his own fogged mind. Karkat ignored him and rose up from his seat to hand the smaller boy the wand. “Watch out, it’s one fucked up, murderous wand.” Karkat warned, which earned him a fearful stare from the Mohawk. ~naknak~ After the nice, little meeting with Clown and Mohawk (read: shitclustery of collision by asswipes), Karkat tried to return to his book, while trying to ignore the other two first years that still stood by door to his compartment “WHAT IN THE GRUBEATING SHIT DO YOU WANT, YOU MUDSLINGERS?!!” Karkat yelled and the strange clown-faced boy took it as an invitation to waltz right into his compartment. Well, it wasn’t! The other boy with the mohawk stumbled in after his friend, trying to grab his sleeve. “I-I’m Tavros Nitram, um... by the way. And umm.. this, this is Gamzee Makara…” sigh… If another person steps in here, I will throw them so hard out of the window that the rest of the train will feel the ricochet. Gosh he hated people. “Nice to meet you and your mentally hogtied mule. I’m Karkat Vantas, now please shut your trap, I’m trying to read this tree-corpse, as it is not yet possible to obtain information through osmosis.” Karkat tried so hard to be polite, but Mohawk’s… or Nitram’s voice was so annoying that Karkat would rather claw off his own ears than spend the rest of the train ride with Mr. Mumble. Karkat’s speech got the desired effect as Nitram shut up immediately and his friend Gamzee Makara just kept staring out of the window. Karkat let out a breath of relief and went back to his book. At this speed, you can just volunteer yourself to Slytherin by now, because that is where you will end, if you proceed at this road. That thought made him stop, filling him with a sense of dread. Why was he thinking that? Where did the thought come from? But even if the thought’s sudden declaration scared him, he was more scared about the content of the thought. Because it was true. If he was interested in the Dark Arts, he was almost a Slytherin, because the Dark Arts was bad, right? Dark magic was evil. Everybody said so, just like Slytherins was evil. And if so many people said the same thing, it had to be true, right?

"Eh, sorry, we'll just go… uhh.. thanks for finding my wand…" dumb and dumber finally left Karkat alone with his brewing thoughts. He let out a little sigh. It didn't deem like he was going to be friends with the Makara kid, so Kankri could calm his shit down already.

"Is it just me, or does it feel like, this train ride have lasted an entire year??!" he groaned and placed his head in his hands.

#homestuck #homestuck fanfiction #karkat vantas #kvaafcrs #chapter five

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