my mum: you've always absorbed every feeling around you. you feel everything you feel and everything everyone else feels all at once and i worry that it'll drag you under and convince you that life is meaningless and you cant save anyone and-
me: makes me a good writer tho lol
my mum, eye twitching: i mean yeah but
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RSD is so fucking embarrassing. I literally couldn't play THE game of the year that I was excited about because my hell brain got too overwhelmed when the characters were TOO lifelike and actually shut down for four weeks straight. Oh noooo the pixels on the screen hit the arbitrary code to be snarky or disapproving of my actions I guess I'll just die-- like how old am I, seven???
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this is like. it feels insane to do and i feel like i might just do it for a bit of a break but like. i kinda wanna change my blog theme and url and stuff to be hatchetfeild themed. im still into cs ofc but npmd has meant iv felt myself rly getting back into tht stuff, with finally watching nightmare time and everything and idk. i feel like i associate this current like. aesthetic and phase of my tumblr is smth i associate with a phase in my life when i had someone be a part of it and now they dont want me anymore or ig. its a bit self pitying to say that but they still yk. arent in my life anymore and its hard to not feel a bit sad with how my blog is rn with how much i associate stuff like this with them. idk maybe not my url im very proud of being tuser caruliaa but i think it wld be good for my pfo and blog aesthetic yk. ill change them back to cs eventually (and i also know im not tht active in rly any fandom on here anymore but i do wanna try to be a little esp in terms of like. connecting and talking with others) but i think it cld be a good change. or even like a cs theme thts different yk idk . but cs while smth i loved before and can love after them its also smth i shared with them a lot so i think focusing on smth tht i didnt rly share with them as much at least for a little bit wld be good for me yk while also reclaiming tht interest we did share ofc
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